#people expecting any more than that are absolutely setting themselves for disappointment

[ereshkigaru]

if they are feeling daring they can give him a scar, maybe a bit of stubble (i hope not cuz i think it's ugly 😋), some kind of cursed mark on his face or tattoo

the one actual desire i have is that he has the tallest model on the game

[drdemonprince]

Resentment is a feeling of demotivation and perhaps sluggishness, but it typically comes with a strong cognitive component: when you are feeling resentment, you will think negatively about the people who made a demand of you, begin arguing with yourself about whether or not you should follow through with the demand, and will likely begin fantasizing about ways to make the demand stop. This emotion typically has elements of dread and anger built into it, though if you are not comfortable acknowledging your negative emotions, you might not realize it yet.  When a person pushes through feelings of resentment, they won’t feel relief or any sense of personal benefit. Even after the resentment-inducing experience is over, they’ll continue to feel bad, perhaps even wronged or “dirty.” Performing a resented activity multiple times also won’t make it any easier. In contrast to simple social anxiety, resentment only builds and intensifies upon repeated exposures.  Think of the emotions you’ve felt and the thoughts you’ve had during your commute to the absolute worst job of your life. That’s resentment.  As much as is practically possible, you want to avoid putting yourself in situations that provoke the emotion of resentment. And when you do find yourself feeling resentful toward another person or a situation that you’ve landed in, you should practice articulating yourself and building an escape route out.  There are a variety of interpersonal, emotional, and psychological benefits to trusting our feelings of resentment, particularly if we have a history of acquiescing to every request made of us and permitting others to broach our boundaries. 

Avoid Overbooking Yourself Anxious people and people who fawn tend to over-extend themselves to an extreme degree. Because they fear angering or disappointing anyone close to them, they wind up taking on a whole host of obligations that they really can’t hold, and the stress of keeping up with everything spills over into their pre-existing sense that they’re forever on the brink of getting in trouble. Social anxiety and excessive demand work together to create a feedback loop of constant apologizing, rushing around, and falling behind.  One of the best ways to break out of this cycle is to notice the obligations that you resent the most, or the periods of your life when you feel downright resentful of everyone around you needing so goddamned much. This is one of the most overt possible signs that you need to pump the breaks, and it comes with the easiest fix: find some plans to cancel or say no to. 

Don’t Convince Yourself to Say Yes A surefire sign that you are crossing your own boundaries and taking on an obligation that you resent is when you notice yourself constantly looking for a reason why you have to do what another person wants you to do. If you keep having to remind yourself of how nice someone really is deep down, or a kind thing they did for you years ago, or telling yourself that you’ve already said yes to a request, and so you must follow through with it, you’re trying to repress dread and resentment at your own peril. 

Do What You Want Without Apologizing/Convincing Many neurodivergent people who find boundary-setting challenging believe that they must perfectly articulate their limits to others, and convince other people that they have a right to their boundaries. But this assumption still hinges on seeking the approval of external parties and attending to their emotional reactions more than the feelings you’re having yourself. While communicating directly about your feelings and needs has many benefits, there are situations where your behavior will send the clearest message. Remember: boundaries are a thing you do, not something you can convince others to respect. If you experience a ton of unresolved resentment, it may be because you’re behaving passively and expecting others to maintain your boundaries for you. But you can break this pattern by doing what you want and need to do, and letting others sort their own reactions to that out.

I wrote a whole guide on neurodivergent people can learn to listen to and honor their feelings of resentment. It's free to read (or have narrated to you!) on Substack right here.

[tigergirltail]

TIGER HRT CHAPTER 1 - MONTH MINUS 6 - THE CONSULTATION

The specialest of special thanks to @ayviedoesthings for creating the original Dragon HRT story, and a big shoutout as well to @kaylasartwork, @welldrawnfish, @nyxisart, and @deadeyedfae for their takes on the concept! Every one of you is inspirational, and your work gives me so much second-hand gender euphoria!

NEXT

---

"Miss Alexis, please come in."

I look around as I walk inside. Between the doctor being a balding middle-aged man and the office looking like any generic doctor's office, I'm honestly a little disappointed. I was hoping the infamous source of therian HRT would be a little more… I don't know. Exotic? Unique? I was half expecting the walls to have before and after photographs of clients, but I suppose when it comes down to it, this is a serious medical facility, not a beauty salon. I walk up to the desk and sit down in the chair.

"Now I understand you wish to be a… a tiger?"

I'm unable to suppress my euphoria at the idea, and I start grinning and nodding. "A white tiger! I haven't changed my fursona since I got one, it's about time I start embodying it!"

"Indeed… And I see on your medical history that you are transgender." He mutters under his breath, "Just like all the others…"

I give a little smirk. 'All the others' are the reason I'm here. If this guy is handing out meds that can turn people into dragons or fish or bats, then a tiger should be easy, right? It's a mammal, and not much bigger than a human, relatively speaking. I had even given some thought to the rumoured "Fifteen Minute Shortcut", but when it comes down to it, even if I did have the ungodly pain tolerance to withstand such a rapid transformation of my bone structure and musculature, I… don't really want to do it quickly. Mundane HRT has already been such an absolute gift in terms of euphoria from noticing the slow and gradual changes, I want to keep that up. I want to notice the little things.

"Now I'm afraid there are some requirements to be settled first…"

Oh boy. Here comes the bureaucratic bullshit. Everything that's been put in place to make sure Our Children don't Make A Terrible Mistake. When it comes down to it, bodily autonomy only counts when you're not one of the weirdos. The instant you decide to be capital-d Different, people start falling over themselves trying to talk you out of it.

"First of all, I see that you have been taking human hormone therapy for a little over six months. We do require a full year of human treatment before beginning therian treatments, and I'm afraid that is fully non-negotiable. There are matters of biology that require the body to be a certain degree of… receptive."

I was afraid of this, but at least it's not a deal-killer. Another half-year is bearable, even if I am going to be shaking with anticipation the entire time.

"I also see you have letters from a practicing physician and a social worker, but we do require a second psychologist to be involved in the process."

Okay. Absolute horseshit, but not impossible. All I've got to do is find another social worker or psychologist. And pay them for several months of sessions. And hope they don't decide I'm crazy for wanting to throw away my humanity. I can feel my expression souring…

"It's also required to live as your desired species for at least a year before beginning the process."

"What." I'm leaning forward and glaring at the doctor before I fully realize it. "And how exactly am I supposed to do that, without the… the requisite biology, or the inborn instincts, or the… the habitat!" I let out a frustrated growl. "Am I supposed to fly off to India or Bangladesh or somewhere, and start camping out in the wilderness??"

"Miss Alexis, please, I'm afraid these are… are the requirements set forth by the guidelines of -"

"Guidelines!" I slam a palm down on the desk between us, before letting out a frustrated breath. "Just that… Guidelines. You know, and I know, that a lot of people have come to you already, with a lot more… exotic requests. Flying animals? Aquatic animals? A fucking DRAGON??"

The doctor seems taken aback, maybe he didn't expect this level of resistance.

"What is even the natural habitat of a dragon anyway? Or the diet? Or the behaviours in the wild?? It's a mythical creature for gods' sakes, there's no firm evidence they even existed!!" I stare at him, unblinkingly, with what I dearly hope is a predatory glare. "But I do get it, though. You have to be absolutely sure I won't regret it. Liability, or whatever. …Maybe we just need to know how hard I can BITE."

Something changes in his expression. ...Malice? No, not quite. A sort of… satisfaction, maybe.

It was a test. He wanted to know whether I'd just roll over and accept the impossibility of my quest, or whether I was prepared to fight for it.

Joke's on him, just getting human HRT was such a godsdamned hassle, I already know how to fight.

He adjusts his glasses. "Perhaps there is something I can do for you… Let me get you some forms."

[wildwren]

i am also a michaela stirling truther— the more i think about it, the more i want it. i’ll definitely be a little disappointed if the rumors turn out to be false. don’t get me wrong, masali baduza is stunning and as a bisexual i already feel like a winner either way… but my god, she and Francesca would make such a gorgeous couple 😭

and i know people keep saying that gender bending Michael would erase important plot points but honestly i can think of several ways off the top of my head that they could maintain the integrity of the story even with Michaela as the lead instead of Michael.

and honestly, not that i have any reason to believe they’re actually going to genderbend Sophie, but they could easily rework Benedict’s story in a similar way— it irritates me that people are insisting there is no way they could make it work.

the book purists insisting xyz could not possibly happen because “that’s not how the story goes!” are making little sense to me. the show has already made many changes to the stories, large and small, and i don’t think “but the book story won’t work that way!” is a valid argument at this point. the writers have shown themselves very willing and even eager to uproot expectations and tell the story in a new way.

TOTALLY. i was previously on the "we should not expect queer rep from bridgerton they are clearly not very invested in it" train until jess brownell explicitly confirmed that a queer romance is coming and now im being a full ass clown about it. yea....when i think about masali baduza as michaela i actually need to lie down, it would end me. but also send an angel to protect her if that's actually true because some of the fandom....uh.....absolutely cannot handle that even remotely, and they WILL make it her problem.

but yes, i agree, there are many ways in which michael feels like a prime option for gender-bending. obviously when he was wicked has fans, but i think in general they're a little less rabid than some of the kanthony, polin, benophie, and philoise fans who would be specifically up in arms about major character changes to "their" ship. when he was wicked is later in the series, more disconnected, francesca's less present in the general narrative, etc.

also, because francesca has a widowhood storyline, it feels....how do i say this....deeply boring for bridgerton the show to introduce a man like john stirling, only to kill him off to make room for another random man. it would be exceedingly more interesting to have a queer element to the story, not least of all because it would add more tension to the "we cant be together because you're my dead husband's cousin" vibes.

also, women in the 19th century could inherit property. sometimes the property itself was not entailed and therefore not necessarily inherited by the male title holder. if francesca is living in the house....and michaela inherits the house....well, that's a pretty great set-up for a queer happy ending, which is, according to julia quinn, apparently impossible in a world where gay marriage isn't legal.

also, ALSOOOOO....a lesbian rake. i rest my case.

either way, im interested to see how they interpret when he was wicked's relationship to colonialism (if they do so), given that the show has now shown the Stirlings, or at least john stirling, to be Black. Kate's home and backstory in India has had some relevance to her characterization, and I'm curious to see if they take a similar tack with the stirlings (and how well they manage to execute it).

okay i think those are all of my michaela thoughts thank you so much for giving me an excuse to rant about them. truthers gotta stick together (until our hearts are inevitably dashed by cold hard reality)

[oneefin]

i beat world of goo 2 last weekend. phenomenal experience! absolutely worth the hype and my $30

i took a far-from-exhaustive set of screenshots of some standout times from my playthrough that left me in awe (all relatively spoiler free)

so i'm no video game reviewer, but i'll spill out some thoughts i have. spoiler warning from here on out!

world of goo 2 thoughts

this really doesn't need saying, because it's self-evident, but the game is gorgeous. literally oozing with completely unique and original art on every screen, including all the insane reflections and goo shapes and typography and artstyle shifts. i spent the start of every level just panning around admiring what i was looking at

on top of that, it sounds amazing. the game is about 6 hours if you go quick, but it's set to a score with a combined length of almost 2 hours. the sheer density of music in this game is breathtaking already, and the fact that it's absolutely world-class is the bonus on top

the level design is everything i expected from this team - a series of elegant, concept-driven scenarios that bounce rapidly from mechanic to mechanic without being afraid of underdeveloping any of them, in a way that feels exceptionally hand-crafted and curated. i felt so much care placed in every individual level, even if that meant there weren't so many of them

the emphasis on fluid simulation was especially cool - and i don't mean that in a "oh it's very technical and innovative and etc", as lots of programmer-y graphics-y gameplay elements tend to present themselves. the design does a really really good job at reigning in the inherent chaos of liquid physics and making it do a single, elegant thing that's exactly what you expect in every situation

the story of world of goo 2 is very windy and adventurous, but it's still cohesive! one of my worries going into this was that the story was going to lean more abstract / unresolutive, similar to past tomorrow corporation games, but for this they managed to craft a story arc that makes sense while still being fundamentally unpredictable - you can never tell what will happen next or in what direction things are going

chapter 4 was definitely a risky move! it panned out for me specifically but i can understand people not appreciating the tonal shift and/or the detective noir stuff. i thought the noir levels ran a risk of being too slow-paced relative to the other levels, but the payoff of the chapter finale really sold the whole thing for me - that was extremely cool. (i suspect they actually cut a set of levels from the chapter - ones corresponding to world of goo 6, mentioned in the finale level. now i'm just curious what it was...)

i think calling it "chapter 5" rather than "epilogue" in this game ran a risk of bad expectation setting, where people might be disappointed to see a chapter with only 4 levels, rather than a dozen and a half. i personally saw this coming so i wasn't bothered, although i felt the levels could have stepped it up challenge-wise, to feel like more fitting send-offs

i haven't hunted ocds seriously yet, but i expect to give it a spin sometime! maybe after more people upload videos of their crazy strategies. going for ocds lengthens the runtime of the game significantly - they're not trivial!

excellent sequel overall. it's great if you're going into it expecting exactly what world of goo 1 was, just with different, more 2020s ideas - it doesn't overdeliver or underdeliver compared to that.

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

every book i read in september!

this has been a very weird and depressing month for me, but at least i got a lot of reading done 🙃 a few v long books and some others i raced through, let's get into it!

The Last Devil to Die by Richard Osman

I had just started The Silk Roads (more on that later) at the end of last month when I got covid, and decided to switch to something a bit easier. Luckily I had this on hand, and it was absolutely perfect. I love this series so much, and I think this may have been the best one yet. Very good!

The Silk Roads by Peter Frankopan

My first foray into reading history for fun, one year post-history degree, and boy was this a bad place to start. I don't have a problem with the book overall, I just don't think it was right for me. I'm used to very focused studies of one particular historical period, so I found the broad-ness of this quite disappointing; it covers essentially all of human history in around 600 pages, so naturally can't go into great detail about any part of it. I found myself slightly bored and not learning anything new about periods I was already knowledgeable about, and being left wanting to learn much more about periods I wasn't already knowledgeable about. Again, this is definitely a problem with me rather than with the book - when I dip my toes into history again, I'm for sure going to go for something very specialised rather than something broad.

Slow Horses by Mick Herron

My parents love this series and we've been watching the tv show together since it started, and the book does not disappoint! It's about a group of, essentially, reject spies, who accidentally find themselves at the centre of a terrorist plot. I did find myself imagining the characters only in the way they're portrayed in the show, but that didn't impact my enjoyment (also I could not remember the plot at all, which helped).

Penance by Eliza Clark

This book has been sitting on my shelf for over a year, and I finally got around to it. It was good but, for me, didn't live up to the huge amount of hype. It's a faux-true crime story, using the conventions of true crime writing to tell a fictional story and criticise the genre. As someone who enjoys true crime but also thinks critically about it, I've read a few of these kinds of novels, and to be honest this one is not the best (I would recommend Devil House by John Darnielle or The Curious Case of the Alperton Angels by Janice Hallett, for anyone who's interested).

I was actually really enjoying it until the ending, which seemed tacked-on and didn't really make sense with the rest of the book. It kind of felt like a random plot twist just added to make the book seem more edgy, without actually saying anything more than ''sometimes journalists twist the truth''. It also didn't feel like it mattered very much, since the reader knows the entire story is made up. Kinda disappointed, especially since I know people who really love this book.

Complicity by Iain Banks

This was fantastic! It follows a journalist who is investigating a series of grisly murders and unexpectedly becomes the prime suspect. Much more gruesome than I expected, and even though I figured out who the killer was fairly early on, it still kept me hooked. I loved the use of flashbacks and multiple perspectives, both of which made it much more tense and exciting. Would highly recommend!

The Examiner by Janice Hallett

Hallett is one of those authors whose books I will literally take a detour and immediately buy if I see a new one in shop windows. All of her novels are stand-alone crime novels with quite different subjects, but they're all told through documents, like emails, text messages, call logs, etc. They're basically the book equivalent of found footage, and it works SO well. This one is set in a university, focusing on a small class of postgrads and the mystery surrounding their final project. In addition to things like text messages and emails, the book includes sections of the students' essays and marking feedback to tell the story. It has one fantastic twist, and it definitely one of my favourite of her books yet!

The Castle by Franz Kafka

I really wanted to love this, but it turned out to be one of the most difficult books I've ever read. The prose is impenetrable; trying to read this book feels like wading through quicksand. Every few minutes I would be flicking through to see how many pages I had left, which is very uncommon for me. I feel the need to clarify that I'm a very strong reader, and usually enjoy difficult novels, but this one didn't feel rewarding enough to make up for the complexity. The narrative is unsatisfying and feels completely pointless; I understand that that basically is the point, but I didn't feel compelled by it. Unfortunately this was not for me at all.

Currently Reading + On My Radar

I am currently reading The Night Manager by John le Carré; it's very good so far, and the perfect antidote to a slow-moving, plot-less book hangover. Since next month is October, I'm planning to read some spooky things. I have some horror novels on my tbr, like Sheep's Clothing by Celia Dale and Rouge by Mona Awad, as well as Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, which I'm reliably informed is horrifying. Looking forward to it!

[rainbowsky]

Hi Rainbow!!!

Is it bad if we don’t love GGDD’s new dramas post-2021? I’ve watched all of their new works on paid platforms but haven’t really loved any of them… and it makes me feel like a bad fan lol. Wfs are always going off about how we only support cql and nothing else so I feel like I’m just proving what they are saying. But on the other hand, I watch “straight” cdramas all the time and some just have better plots than others. I was really excited for ygy but so far it’s not my cup of tea and I find myself hyped for other dramas currently airing instead.

Hi Anon!

If you've watched all their dramas on paid platforms, it's hard to say you're a bad fan. That is by far the best way to support their work - through views, subscriptions, etc. Whether you liked a project or not, at least you've supported it.

You are under no obligation to enjoy their other work, but I think it's unusual for someone to dislike every other show they've done. You really watched them all - every one of them - and didn't like any of them? You didn't like The Youth Memories? You didn't like Being a Hero?

It's understandable that you'd dislike a shallow, cringey offering like OOL, but The Youth Memories? Really? That show is so good, I can't understand how you could dislike it. Have you really, honestly watched them ALL? 🤔

I can see why some people are a bit disappointed with The Longest Promise. I think that drama has been SO overhyped for years, as people have been dying to see it, and maybe they got their expectations ratcheted up too high. But it's also only just begun airing. I think people need to be patient and give it a real chance. The story has only just begun.

If you find yourself repeatedly disappointed it might be worth taking a closer look at your expectations. When you set an expectation in your mind, it's going to always be a guess, and it's going to almost always be an incorrect guess, and you'll go into the experience from a comparison mindset rather than from an open-minded one.

I personally try to avoid making assumptions - positive or negative - about something I haven't yet seen, and I try to go into everything with an open mind.

I've observed a lot of turtles who have stratospheric expectations for The Longest Promise and are feeling disappointed, and a lot of turtles who've had negative expectations of The Youth Memories and have completely skipped it. Both are doing themselves a disservice.

My advice for people approaching GG and DD's projects (or really, ANYTHING we encounter in life) is to try to go in with an open mind. Don't ignore or skip something just because you assume it won't be up your alley. You can't possibly know that until you try it.

Don't assume you're going to absolutely love something, either, or create preconceptions in your mind about what it will be like. Take it for what it is, and maybe through that open-minded perspective you'll find something about it that appeals to you.

And if you do watch it and find you don't like it, well at least you supported their projects. There are a lot of other dramas and films out there for you to enjoy, and there will be much more to enjoy from GG and DD in the coming years.

Edit: Follow-up post here.

[amyreads]

First off I just wanted to say thank you for infamous!! I can’t even pinpoint what it is but it has taken over my brain for the last week since I discovered it. Your writing/character development is amazing and you really are just a spectacular writer- you really know how to set up a scene and make it feel authentic. I absolutely love how open you are to hearing your readers wants/suggestions and it’s amazing that you’re already planning on doing POV chapters/bonus content, but I just want to make sure you don’t burn yourself out! Obviously you know what you can handle more than anyone else does, but I have seen IF authors get burn out and over extend themselves by trying to create extra content that will appease their readers and I would hateeeee to see that happen to you and Infamous! I am planning on supporting your Patreon as soon as it drops and I will obviously soak up any content I can, but I would rather not have any bonus content if that means you can focus solely on the book itself so you don’t have too much on your plate!! I hope this doesn’t come across as rude, as I said you know what you can handle and I’m grateful for anything you decide to create and share with us!! But I just wanna make sure you don’t get overwhelmed will all the extra stuff too ❤️

Thank so much :,) First, I'm glad you like Infamous and it always surprises me when someone likes it shjsjsj and it makes me happy! Secondly, it's very sweet of you to look out for me that way. It's true I have taken a bit of a step back from answering questions on the main blog. I used to answer so many in one day but I feel like being so open has left me vulnerable to a bit of entitlement from rude anons. Trying to keep up the pretense of a very active blog has left me a little drained and made me realize I created Infamous for one thing: to write! So I've started prioritizing my space to just write Infamous without feeling like I have to be active all the time on the blog. I have a lot of fun talking about Infamous on amyreads because I feel like there's no expectations here. I can just chat casually about it without feeling like people will take my word as law and then start having OPINYUNS about it nshsids ofc this is about like....0.5 percent of the people on the blog, everyone else has been so lovely and great :,) but even the negative minority can feel so loud because my brain just latches onto every bad thing about me. yeah yeah

As for the bonus content, you're right! I do need to be careful ahh I think it helps that I *want* to write these POV chapters so it doesn't feel like much of an obligation. I've had a lot of fun being able to focus on one scene that's already written and I can just remix it. But yeah, I will make sure to be a bit more mindful of my own limits <3

and it's not rude at all! I really appreciate it, it's nice to know there's someone out there thinking of me! As for saying no...HSHDBSDH it's very hard i hate disappointing people but omg ur right, i have such a hard time putting my foot down i don't like the idea of someone upset at me hshhsdbsdh

once again, thank you :,) this was nice to read. i hope you like whatever i have planned for the story :>

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 2/5

Book Blurb: The enemies-to-lovers queer Victorian romance follow-up to Don’t Want You Like a Best Friend, in which a young lord and a second son clash, but find themselves thrust together again and again by their meddling cousins.

“That man is, without a doubt, the absolute most obnoxious…

Bobby Mason is sick of being second best: born the spare, never trusted with family responsibility, never expected to amount to much. He’s hungry to contribute something that matters, while all around him his peers are squandering their political and financial power, coasting through life. Which is exactly why he can’t stand the new Viscount Demeroven.

…insufferable…

James Demeroven, just come of age and into the Viscountcy, knows that he’s a disappointment. Keeping his head down and never raising anyone’s expectations is how he’s survived life with his stepfather. To quiet, careful James, Bobby Mason is a blazing comet in his endless night, even more alive than he was at Oxford when James crushed on him from afar. But Mason is also brash and recklessly unapologetic, destined to shatter the fragile safety of James’s world. Worst of all, he keeps rubbing James’s failures in his face.

…hottest man to ever walk the ton.”

They can barely get through a single conversation without tensions boiling over. Neither Bobby nor James has ever met a more intriguing, infuriating, infatuating man.

If only they could avoid each other entirely. Bad enough their (wonderful but determined) cousins Beth and Gwen keep conveniently setting up group outings. But when an extortionist starts targeting their families, threatening their reputations, Bobby and James must find a way to work together, without pushing each other’s buttons (or tearing them off) in the process… 

Review:

A new viscount who has secrets he's trying to keep finds himself facing off against his past school boy crush and the very man who gets under his skin, a handsome and open man who was asked to babysit him. James Demeroven has just inherited the title of Viscount from his father, despite suffering from anxiety, a terrible ex who is keen to blackmail him, an abusive step father, and meeting his only other family members he never knew he had, James is having a bit of a time. James is meant to be spending time with his aunt and his cousin, two people. who's home he essentially took and who had been cut out from the family but now that he's inherited the title he wants to get to know them and that means spending time with them... and spending time with Bobby Mason. Bobby Mason is the second son, he's always second best and feels like he doesn't contribute anything, so when his uncle asks him to babysit and help the newcomer in their circle to make connections and fit in with the society, he reluctantly says yes.. but every attempt to be friendly ends up in coldness as James just can't seem to convey his words or thoughts well. Bobby wants to be friends but James is intent on arguing. Bobby and James can't stand one another and yet when Jame's ex threatens to blackmail their family and extort money, both of them will have to work together to stop him and protect their families before it's too late. This is the sequel to the first book, but unfortunately this one just wasn't as good as the first one. I loved Gwen and Beth, but Bobby and James just did not work for me. They didn't feel like they had any chemistry and I just wasn't all that invested in their relationship after everything. I really enjoyed the first book but this one just didn't work for me. I really wished it did, but I just did not have as much fun with this one as I did with the first book. If you are looking for a opposites attracts/ dislike to lovers, give this a go maybe it'll work out better for you than it did for me.

*Thanks Netgalley and Avon and Harper Voyager,  for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[cristinazar]

I attended the Notting Hill Carnival (27 Aug 2023 – 28 Aug 2023) for the second time and high expectations were met. It was a great time, but I must admit, my interaction with the carnival isn't quite like most people's. I go there to photograph and document the event, but I do it as part of my “artistic expression” (sorry for the fake highbrow). While others revel with friends to party, I'm more of a memory hoarder and archivist for the carnival. A girl with a hump and cap looking through a camera.

Don't get me wrong; I dance, admire the stunning costumes, and have fun, but not quite in the typical way it's intended. It's my way of enjoying the carnival, and I can't imagine going and not photographing it. That's my main desire at the carnival—to be a mirror for it, a tiny grain looking outward into that vast sea of energy.

For the past two years, I've focused on a photojournalism style because the event itself and the people within it are fascinating to me. I want to reflect the carnival as it is, but even in this approach, it's still very subjective photography. I choose who to photograph, under what circumstances, how to frame the image, and later, I select and edit the pictures. So, it's not reality, but it's the carnival through my experience.

Btw I welcome any notes or comments on this series :)

I observed numerous photographers and videographers on-site and had the pleasure of discovering their work on social media. It's a joy to see their personal reflections of the carnival. Capturing this incredible party filled with culture and people who open their hearts and identities for the camera is like a gift for a photographer. They reveal themselves in all their euphoria, and it's an unforgettable experience to be a part of.

One of the reasons I feel very fortunate to be living in London (or more like surviving London) is the opportunity to attend this J'ouvert. It's one of the few parties where I have an absolute blast.

This year, it took me a while to process my own work and edit it. Part of the reason is that I took more pictures and spent more hours at the carnival than last year. However, this doesn't necessarily mean the pictures are better; there were just more to go through, and I needed to take my time. To be honest, I'm a little disappointed with this year's photos compared to last. I'm not sure if it's because the novelty has worn off a bit or if I wasn't at the top of my game those two days. I'm quite rusty since I hardly take my camera out anymore and I really should do it more since even the camera's batteries die on me from lack of use!

My success depends on finding stories and interesting individuals at the carnival and being able to react quickly to capture the moment. Many times, I've seen something worth photographing and fumbled the opportunity. I hate when that happens, but it's bound to occur.

Additionally, while editing the pictures, I quickly realized that I had used the wrong camera settings (What a delight!). The pictures were noisy and looked of low quality. They seemed fine on the tiny camera screen, but on the computer, they resembled images taken with a 2000s Nokia. Lesson learned, or maybe not so much, as it seems I did worse than last year. But I'll certainly be more cautious in the future, ensuring I set the right parameters on the camera and invest in a better lens for fast-paced events. There should be no excuses, but as I mentioned last year, I often have mere seconds to capture a shot, dealing with whatever light conditions the sun or tree shadows throw at me and the speed at which my subjects move. So, it's not easy.

The AI noise reduction tool in Photoshop has helped salvage some of these photos that might otherwise have been discarded due to cases of "this person looks amazing, but the picture is shit". So, if you notice unreal smooth skin or odd lines in shadows, it's probably the AI at work.

As I write this text, I'm using an AI to assist me (hi chat), and it will be processed and grammatically corrected by it. Thus, both the images and text in this series bear the touch of artificial intelligence. Part of it is due to my mistakes, lack of time and skill, but it's also because AI is a valuable collaborator. I appreciate the style it adds to the photographs (and the grammar haha), making it a great creative partner for now. Let's see how it evolves in the future…

Another noteworthy aspect is that I've been sharing a lot about my experiences at the Notting Hill Carnival with a close friend, Carmen (too humble/shy to share last name). She always provides interesting interpretations and insightful comments on everything I tell her. She seemed amused by my stories and photos of the carnival, so I asked her if she'd be interested in creating some text based on the photographs.

Carmen has done some great work to accompany one of these series, the LOVE series (the text is in Spanish btw). She has never attended the Notting Hill carnival, so she based the experience on these pics. I really like how she writes, so I was very happy to have her included here.

I hope you enjoy the photographs and the information I tried to dig up on the culture behind the costumes and the traditions I saw. Of course, if you want to know more do your research and don't stop here, as there's lots to discover. Also, I want to make a disclaimer that the specific meaning of these scenes at the Notting Hill Carnival can vary widely among participants. Carnival costumes and symbols are highly individualistic and can be influenced by a person's cultural background, personal beliefs, or creative inspirations.

Thank you for reading!

Cris

[spuddlespud]

Crystallised

Yet another prompt fill for @flashfictionfridayofficial

Warnings for death and necromancy I guess

It's another snapshot of Dragonbreath and Skelefellas (Skully's a necromancer, Saph is their dragon rider girlfriend, and Andy the skelefella is their long suffering friend/creation who kind of looks like a spider made out of human bones)

The cane crackled ominously, its wood quickly warming up under Skully's touch. The sheer power of it was delicious. This is one spell they'd been waiting to try out for a long time.

Their little dungeon-lab had been carefully set up with antique armchairs and breakable nicknacks moved carefully out of the way. The circular shape of the room and the table complimented each other. The human skull sat on the middle of the table just completed the feel of symmetry. But Skully was much more interested in the contraption, the absolute monster of a device, than any aesthetic satisfaction at this moment in time. Saph had asked them the purpose of all the complicated nuts and bolts and copper wires, but her eyes had kind of glazed over when Skully had launched into a detailed description. In short it was...hopefully...a fully functioning tool that would help them to achieve full skeletal crystallisation. They'd painstakingly built it, Andy the Skelefella double checking that every single piece of the glorious monstrosity was fitted perfectly. One last time, Skully checked that the copper rod was touching the skull in just the right place. Whether it worked or not, this was truly going to be something. Andy was uncharacteristically and unsettlingly silent beside them, watching the blue crackles of electricity swirl up and down Skully's cane. They were so used to Andy's boney pseudo spider legs impatiently tapping loudly on the wooden floor as they worked that his stunned silence set a tension running through their own bones. They'd decided not to tell Andy about the last three necromancers who had attempted this and in a completely unrelated turn of events had found themselves and their workrooms burned to ash. Their deep breaths broke into the silence as they focused purely on the energy coursing along, pulling at the twisting ropes, gently at first and then more firmly. The magic was coming easier than they expected. Within moments it had formed the perfect ball to launch straight at the receptacle in the contraption. They both had the briefest of seconds to watch the energy move through the contraption before a blinding blue light broke through the room. It was accompanied by a loud bang and an explosive amount of smoke which couldn't have come from anywhere but the contraption. How disappointing. Skully waved the smoke away from their face, not ready to give up hope despite the rather chaotic scene. Andy hadn't moved and was just staring at the table, at the space where the smoke was starting to clear. At the skull. The bright, blue crystalline skull! Tentatively, Skully reached out a hand, fingers following the unmistakable sharp texture of crystals up and down the skull where bone had once rested. It worked. The spell had worked. They were going to be famous. They were going to be rich! Wait until she tells Saph. "Ouch," said the skull. "Did nobody tell you it was rude to touch people without permission." Andy jumped back in surprise as Skully yelled loudly"It's alive," brandishing the cane in the air. Andy tore his pseudo-eyes away from their newest roommate to give Skully a disdainful glare. "That isn't any funnier than the last 56 times you said that, you know." Skully sighed dramatically, thumping the cane on the floor. "Oh Andellica, you just don't understand genius. It's funnier because it's not just an ordinary run of the mill skull, this is a bonefied crystalline skull. This is a miracle."

[byanyan]

@chronal-anomaly sent:ㅤIt's been two or three days since she's last seen Byan. Even during the few practices they DID attend that week, before disappearing altogether, they were off, being particularly confrontational and cold to people that almost, almost could be considered their friend. While it wasn't a surprise, Lena still found their rejection of something good and normal and regular in their otherwise chaotic life, disappointing. It's late when she finally finds them, sitting atop a local diner, eating cold take out that Lena wasn't entirely sure if it was stolen or not. Their rejections at her joining them went ignored as Lena climbed the nearby ladder, sitting next to them to observe the sun setting over the city. "Team's not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me."

ㅤhow she keeps managing to find them, they'll never understand. at this point, they're starting to wonder if she hasn't simply figured out how to track their phone, and if they weren't so mad that she's gone ahead and turned up against all odds, they'd be impressed. why is it always when they want some distance that people chase them down, desperate for their company, showing up and inviting themselves to join even when byan themself makes it very clear they don't want them around?

hissing to themself as they hear the sounds of lena clambering up the ladder despite their very verbal resistance, byan nudges at a few of the cold fries in the styrofoam takeout container with their fork. as she settles down next to them, they don't bother to look over, nor do they say anything, choosing to instead scowl down at their food (which they had absolutely swiped off the takeout counter while no one was looking).

unsurprisingly, lena is the one to break the silence and, while byan is certain what she says is supposed to be meaningful, they've been half-expecting to hear exactly that since they spotted her down below.

her words are ones they've heard before. ones always spoken with the same confidence, the same compassion — and yet each and every person who had promised these same things to them in the past were no longer in their life today. funny how that happened. almost like there's always a limit to the care they're willing to extend, even while they're promising you the opposite.

it's bullshit. every word. no matter how much they might like to believe it, they can't. every time they've been dumb enough to think that this time might be different, it's come back to bite them in the ass. never again. they won't let themself fall for it anymore. it hurts too much.

it's their own damn fault they're in this position again. they got too comfortable, let themself get too close — to lena, to the rest of the track team — and they should have realized sooner. should have kept their distance. they took too long, and now trying to force the distance they should have maintained from the start has resulted in lena trying to fight it — an annoyance, more than anything even if somewhere deep down they want her to keep fighting it, the same as they want to believe that she's not going anywhere.

ㅤbut it won't last. it never does. she'll give up on them eventually, just like everyone else.

ㅤㅤthen maybe they'll finally have some fucking peace.

with a sniff, byan shoves themself up to their feet, brushing the dust and dirt from their pants. they don't want to be here anymore. they don't want to hear any more of this shit that just makes the whole process more painful. the look they shoot lena is an oddly expressionless one for them, and the tone in their voice holds a coldness to match;

ㅤㅤ" that's what they always say. " tossing the styrofoam container to the ground almost in disgust, the teen moves to the ladder and begins their quick descent, leaving lena with only a few bitter final words; " you'd be surprised how quickly it changes. "

[sweatgrass]

I’m at a job orientation for a “progressive” company in the “big woke liberal” city and I am the only one wearing a mask. There’s like 30-40 people here and it’s just me. There’s multiple people here who have dyed hair + piercings + use any or they/them pronouns and yet it’s just me wearing a mask. I feel like I’m going insane a little bit because this is expected of most people now unfortunately. But don’t you think people who are purposely aligning themselves with “punk/queer” aesthetics should like, care about other people? I feel like sometime during quarantine these communities become aesthetics/commodifications which is so absolutely heartbreaking!!!! I’ve looked and aligned myself with these communities since I was like 12 and now seeing people in public who look like me more often than not sets me off because they tend to be so unfriendly and performative about it all. Like what actually happened on a large scale to make such a disappointing switch happen.

[oceanoecielo]

Simon has absolutely no interest in actually killing himself—quite the opposite, really. He has never wanted to die, ever since he saw his tiny, meaningless life flash before his eyes after falling from that ladder. As it was happening, all he could think was, ‘Not yet, not like this,’ but he does believe that he would have thought, ‘Not like this,’ had it happened in any other way. He was simply not ready to leave this world, and to be perfectly frank, he still isn’t. His extra long life has been nothing short of a blessing, and he tries not to take any of his 170,000-plus days and counting for granted.

He understands that death will happen to him at some point, that everyone’s existence is finite including him. The fact that he has continued to age, albeit slowly, is proof of that, and considering he is the equivalent of around 80-something years by ordinary standards, he reckons he is rapidly approaching his end. Of course, his ‘rapidly’ approaching still looks absolutely sluggish in comparison to anybody else. He will undoubtedly see several more generations—or if not several, then at least a few—come and go before he finally expires himself. Even the heroes that go around the city, lauded for their superhuman achievements and saving people and whatnot, seem to be much further from eternity than he is, and it is funny to think that he might outlast them—funny strange, not funny ‘haha.’

But he knows how it looks to anyone who does not understand his desire to live as long as possible—and his being extremely good at it, too. And honestly, he wants it to look that way, feeding off all of the terrible assumptions they make. It is wonderful how much he does not even have to try to scare people sometimes, how they will get themselves all in a tizzy right on their own.

He is a little bit disappointed to be set down on solid ground, wishing that the boy had hovered with him in the air for a little bit longer, but oh well. Perhaps, the two of them will see each other in the skies again someday. A white boater hat floats down gently, as if the wind were making a delivery to Simon specifically, and he reaches for it and sets it atop his head.

Then, he flashes another beaming smile at his ‘savior.’ “Yes, yes, quite fine, sweet boy, thank you for asking! And yourself?” He knows that the boy is expecting him to divulge some reason as to why he stepped off the building, some deep and troubling sadness, and the fact that Simon has nothing worth sharing in that department tickles him much more than it probably should.

“Just doing your job, yes, such a dutiful lad, you are.” Simon is already walking away from the hullabaloo that is sure to follow such a daring rescue, all the police to question him and the ambulance to take him away so that he can be put under suicide watch, but he motions for the child to follow him because he is not done with him yet. “They ought to give you a raise for that! Unless you’re just doing this to look good on uni applications, in which case I hope you get into the one you want.”

oceanoecielo​:

( closed starter for @svperboi )

Simon stands on the ledge for a few moments, feeling the fear pulse in the air like electricity while everyone on the ground anticipates his drop.  It’s hard to make them out from up here, as he is sure it’s hard for them.  It is probably that all they can see is a vaguely humanoid figure, but that’s still enough to get them into a tizzy.  Perhaps some are pointing up at him, getting others to look, and others are no doubt shouting, trying to convince him not to do it, but the wind rushing around his ears drowns them all out.  That droning white noise, whisking the rest of the world away—it’s so… peaceful.  He smiles, closes his eyes, and steps off.

He can’t tell what he likes more, the satisfaction he gets, the rush of power, at causing fear in others, or the heart-pounding excitement of the drop itself.  It’s so fast, and it only gets exponentially faster the longer you fall, yet it still takes so long, allowing you to fully appreciate exactly how high up you had been to begin with.

But he doesn’t get to enjoy the full descent properly because it is abruptly cut short by a pair of arms, one under his back and one under his knees.  His eyes snap open, and then he is staring into the face of a very young boy, probably no older than fifteen.  The pair of them are still hovering in the air while the boy holds Simon as if he weighs nothing.  On top of the apparent ability to fly, there is something about the child’s face, the energy he gives off, that marks him clearly as one of Simon’s own.

And he grins.

“Why, my dear boy, it would seem that you’ve caught me!” Simon says excitedly, hooking his arm over the child’s shoulders as if he actually needs the support as a means of playing along.  “Congratulations!  Good show!  I mean, really, spectacular stuff.  I can hardly remember how I came to be falling, but goodness, if I’m not anymore.  Well, actually, aren’t we all in a perpetual state of falling?”  He makes a vague gesture with his other hand.  “Given how our planet has designed itself and all of that—gravity, you know what I mean.”

He laughs heartily and then remembers that he is supposed to be in mortal peril or what-have-you, so he latches onto the kid with his free hand as well.  “In any case, you did stop me from falling in the deadly sort of way, and that’s not nothing!  In fact, I think it’s rather something to write home about.  So, really, again, excellent going.”

🧬 — Kon had been flying around on patrol when he heard the first inklings of trouble. like a crescendo reaching its peak, he could hear the hushed whispers and startled gasps of people rise up into a cacophony of yelling and screaming, all in the general vicinity of a building on 4th street. 

oh god! he’s gonna jump! someone call the police! 

Kon rushes ahead, pushing himself more than normal in an attempt to get to the person in question before the inevitable splat on the pavement. thankfully, he’s fast enough, getting there not long after the man had stepped off. with a soft grunt he catches said man, what he hopes is a reassuring smile on his face as he starts the slow descent to the sidewalk. 

before Kon can start comforting him, the old man speaks and tosses the boy for a loop. he didn’t expect this man to be in such a happy mood after attempting such an act, it left Kon a little unsettled. he blinks a few times before speaking,  “ Uh… You’re welcome? “ he starts, unsure how to continue with all the praise, “ Are… you okay? “ 

it was almost like the man hadn’t just jumped from a high building, but had been taking a leisurely stroll, it was weird. Kon laughs a little along with him, confused more than anything as he slowly reaches the pavement, setting the man down gently, “ Uh… Thank you, sir. It was nothing, really. Just doing my job. “

[akindplace]

Whenever someone demands absolute perfection of you, they are setting you up for failure. They are disappointing themselves at the end because they are the ones with such high expectations. No one can ever be perfect. Not even those who seem to have their lives together and ask us to be perfect. How can someone demand perfection from another person? It is such an awful thing to do, asking others to do the impossible, and when they inevitably fail, then it's still their fault for not being able to be perfect. That is such a toxic mindset.

Whenever someone is demanding perfection from me, I often see that the person usually thinks they are perfect or at least think they are so great that others owe them perfect behavior. And none of those things are true, because asking for perfection is such a fucked up thing to do, as you set someone up for failing and then being humiliated for their failure. It's such a rude, careless, and weird thing to demand out of someone.

It makes me feel way less anxious when I think "oh, the person who is being so demanding of me is actually such an asshole, who are they to preach about perfection to me?". Whenever I am faced with situations like this, thinking about it this way has been helping me to not get anxious and to avoid complying to any demands because of an eagerness to please. I don't have to be perfect for anyone, especially someone who can only be proud, or consider me successful or even love me when I qualify to their perfectionist standards.

I am not here on this planet, alive, to live a life of constantly pleasing people, walking on eggshells, burning myself out trying to always be the best, only for someone to always believe I am never good enough to get their very conditional love. I deserve to be loved when I am imperfect, and so do you.

And the person who made you believe that you don't deserve love unless you are perfect is even more flawed than they say you are, because they are being so toxic by saying you will only get any affection when you do the impossible. There is no winning and it is such a messed up thing to do to someone you should love unconditionally. Don't accept conditional love. Remember, you owe these people nothing when they ask you to do the impossible or burn out trying.

[ladygreene13]

Hey, can I say something real quick? I read a nice post on the topic and wanted to talk about it as well.

Milly was amazing at playing Rhaenyra as a teenager/young adult, and delivered beautifully all of the fire, passion and impetuosity of one, at introducing this character to us and getting people to sympathize with her, just like Emily did for Alicent (that is, I think, why they gave us the younger versions in the first place, to show a lighter side of these characters and what motivated them, so the sides would be more levelled as well). And Emma is a wonderful performer, doing a phenomenal job at portraying who Rhaenyra has become, keeping her essence, but in a much more centered, level headed way, as she navigates this new phase of her life.

A lot of people grew very attached to Milly and the version of Rhaenyra she presented, and went into the second half of the season expecting the exact same Rhaenyra with a different face, thus already setting themselves up to disappointment and closing the door to the new actor, because of course it wouldn't be the same thing. Not because Emma is not good or not 'as good' as Milly, but because the character has inevitably changed, and it's baffling how some fail to realize it.

Obviously Rhaenyra wouldn't be the same person she was 10 years ago, she has grown and matured, suffered and learned. She is an adult now with different priorities and responsabilities, expectations laid on her that do not allow her to act the same way as before and consequences awaiting when she does.

Both of them also delivered different, but very convincing and delightful chemistry with the other characters, Alicent, Viserys, Laenor and, especially, Daemon. All of these relationships have changed too, they are in completely different stages from what we previously saw (Viserys being the only one who remained kind of the same), but again, the expectations for her and Daemon were apparently a continuation of the brothel scene, as if a decade apart wouldn't change them and affect the way they interact.

There are so many amazing things about both phases of their relationship, chemistry, and about older and younger Rhaenyra. Choosing to ignore either of them is losing a great part of this show, especially if you're a fan of the character or ship. Your expectations might have been different, but we are getting so many good moments with them! Daemyra is getting a happier and more romantic storyline than any couple ever in Westeros (the tv shows, idk about the books) and being portrayed by three absolute POWERHOUSES who are delivering so much and have such deep, beautiful understanding of the characters and their relationship.

Since before Emma came into the show there were several people insulting and belitlling them, saying they'd stop watching once Milly was out and that they'd never be as good as her, even saying they're not feminine enough for the role or whatever other bullshit. Which was and still is very disappointing and infuriating to see. But now that Emma is here and this continues, in order to defend them, I see some are starting to diminish Milly's performance. Which is also awful and completely unnecessary.

Not liking the direction the show decided to go with the characters is fine, preferring this phase of the character over the last one is fine, not liking how a scene was directed or written is fine. Closing your eyes to the talent of anyone in this cast over bias or pettiness is fine, though it will be your loss. But being disrespectful to the actors is not fine, blaming them for choices made by the producers that you didn't like or for things going different from what you expected is also not cool. And you don't have to throw one of them under the bus to praise the other.