#people expecting any more than that are absolutely setting themselves for disappointment

[ereshkigaru]

if they are feeling daring they can give him a scar, maybe a bit of stubble (i hope not cuz i think it's ugly 😋), some kind of cursed mark on his face or tattoo

the one actual desire i have is that he has the tallest model on the game

[drdemonprince]

Resentment is a feeling of demotivation and perhaps sluggishness, but it typically comes with a strong cognitive component: when you are feeling resentment, you will think negatively about the people who made a demand of you, begin arguing with yourself about whether or not you should follow through with the demand, and will likely begin fantasizing about ways to make the demand stop. This emotion typically has elements of dread and anger built into it, though if you are not comfortable acknowledging your negative emotions, you might not realize it yet.  When a person pushes through feelings of resentment, they won’t feel relief or any sense of personal benefit. Even after the resentment-inducing experience is over, they’ll continue to feel bad, perhaps even wronged or “dirty.” Performing a resented activity multiple times also won’t make it any easier. In contrast to simple social anxiety, resentment only builds and intensifies upon repeated exposures.  Think of the emotions you’ve felt and the thoughts you’ve had during your commute to the absolute worst job of your life. That’s resentment.  As much as is practically possible, you want to avoid putting yourself in situations that provoke the emotion of resentment. And when you do find yourself feeling resentful toward another person or a situation that you’ve landed in, you should practice articulating yourself and building an escape route out.  There are a variety of interpersonal, emotional, and psychological benefits to trusting our feelings of resentment, particularly if we have a history of acquiescing to every request made of us and permitting others to broach our boundaries. 

Avoid Overbooking Yourself Anxious people and people who fawn tend to over-extend themselves to an extreme degree. Because they fear angering or disappointing anyone close to them, they wind up taking on a whole host of obligations that they really can’t hold, and the stress of keeping up with everything spills over into their pre-existing sense that they’re forever on the brink of getting in trouble. Social anxiety and excessive demand work together to create a feedback loop of constant apologizing, rushing around, and falling behind.  One of the best ways to break out of this cycle is to notice the obligations that you resent the most, or the periods of your life when you feel downright resentful of everyone around you needing so goddamned much. This is one of the most overt possible signs that you need to pump the breaks, and it comes with the easiest fix: find some plans to cancel or say no to. 

Don’t Convince Yourself to Say Yes A surefire sign that you are crossing your own boundaries and taking on an obligation that you resent is when you notice yourself constantly looking for a reason why you have to do what another person wants you to do. If you keep having to remind yourself of how nice someone really is deep down, or a kind thing they did for you years ago, or telling yourself that you’ve already said yes to a request, and so you must follow through with it, you’re trying to repress dread and resentment at your own peril. 

Do What You Want Without Apologizing/Convincing Many neurodivergent people who find boundary-setting challenging believe that they must perfectly articulate their limits to others, and convince other people that they have a right to their boundaries. But this assumption still hinges on seeking the approval of external parties and attending to their emotional reactions more than the feelings you’re having yourself. While communicating directly about your feelings and needs has many benefits, there are situations where your behavior will send the clearest message. Remember: boundaries are a thing you do, not something you can convince others to respect. If you experience a ton of unresolved resentment, it may be because you’re behaving passively and expecting others to maintain your boundaries for you. But you can break this pattern by doing what you want and need to do, and letting others sort their own reactions to that out.

I wrote a whole guide on neurodivergent people can learn to listen to and honor their feelings of resentment. It's free to read (or have narrated to you!) on Substack right here.

[tigergirltail]

TIGER HRT CHAPTER 1 - MONTH MINUS 6 - THE CONSULTATION

The specialest of special thanks to @ayviedoesthings for creating the original Dragon HRT story, and a big shoutout as well to @kaylasartwork, @welldrawnfish, @nyxisart, and @deadeyedfae for their takes on the concept! Every one of you is inspirational, and your work gives me so much second-hand gender euphoria!

NEXT

---

"Miss Alexis, please come in."

I look around as I walk inside. Between the doctor being a balding middle-aged man and the office looking like any generic doctor's office, I'm honestly a little disappointed. I was hoping the infamous source of therian HRT would be a little more… I don't know. Exotic? Unique? I was half expecting the walls to have before and after photographs of clients, but I suppose when it comes down to it, this is a serious medical facility, not a beauty salon. I walk up to the desk and sit down in the chair.

"Now I understand you wish to be a… a tiger?"

I'm unable to suppress my euphoria at the idea, and I start grinning and nodding. "A white tiger! I haven't changed my fursona since I got one, it's about time I start embodying it!"

"Indeed… And I see on your medical history that you are transgender." He mutters under his breath, "Just like all the others…"

I give a little smirk. 'All the others' are the reason I'm here. If this guy is handing out meds that can turn people into dragons or fish or bats, then a tiger should be easy, right? It's a mammal, and not much bigger than a human, relatively speaking. I had even given some thought to the rumoured "Fifteen Minute Shortcut", but when it comes down to it, even if I did have the ungodly pain tolerance to withstand such a rapid transformation of my bone structure and musculature, I… don't really want to do it quickly. Mundane HRT has already been such an absolute gift in terms of euphoria from noticing the slow and gradual changes, I want to keep that up. I want to notice the little things.

"Now I'm afraid there are some requirements to be settled first…"

Oh boy. Here comes the bureaucratic bullshit. Everything that's been put in place to make sure Our Children don't Make A Terrible Mistake. When it comes down to it, bodily autonomy only counts when you're not one of the weirdos. The instant you decide to be capital-d Different, people start falling over themselves trying to talk you out of it.

"First of all, I see that you have been taking human hormone therapy for a little over six months. We do require a full year of human treatment before beginning therian treatments, and I'm afraid that is fully non-negotiable. There are matters of biology that require the body to be a certain degree of… receptive."

I was afraid of this, but at least it's not a deal-killer. Another half-year is bearable, even if I am going to be shaking with anticipation the entire time.

"I also see you have letters from a practicing physician and a social worker, but we do require a second psychologist to be involved in the process."

Okay. Absolute horseshit, but not impossible. All I've got to do is find another social worker or psychologist. And pay them for several months of sessions. And hope they don't decide I'm crazy for wanting to throw away my humanity. I can feel my expression souring…

"It's also required to live as your desired species for at least a year before beginning the process."

"What." I'm leaning forward and glaring at the doctor before I fully realize it. "And how exactly am I supposed to do that, without the… the requisite biology, or the inborn instincts, or the… the habitat!" I let out a frustrated growl. "Am I supposed to fly off to India or Bangladesh or somewhere, and start camping out in the wilderness??"

"Miss Alexis, please, I'm afraid these are… are the requirements set forth by the guidelines of -"

"Guidelines!" I slam a palm down on the desk between us, before letting out a frustrated breath. "Just that… Guidelines. You know, and I know, that a lot of people have come to you already, with a lot more… exotic requests. Flying animals? Aquatic animals? A fucking DRAGON??"

The doctor seems taken aback, maybe he didn't expect this level of resistance.

"What is even the natural habitat of a dragon anyway? Or the diet? Or the behaviours in the wild?? It's a mythical creature for gods' sakes, there's no firm evidence they even existed!!" I stare at him, unblinkingly, with what I dearly hope is a predatory glare. "But I do get it, though. You have to be absolutely sure I won't regret it. Liability, or whatever. …Maybe we just need to know how hard I can BITE."

Something changes in his expression. ...Malice? No, not quite. A sort of… satisfaction, maybe.

It was a test. He wanted to know whether I'd just roll over and accept the impossibility of my quest, or whether I was prepared to fight for it.

Joke's on him, just getting human HRT was such a godsdamned hassle, I already know how to fight.

He adjusts his glasses. "Perhaps there is something I can do for you… Let me get you some forms."

[wildwren]

i am also a michaela stirling truther— the more i think about it, the more i want it. i’ll definitely be a little disappointed if the rumors turn out to be false. don’t get me wrong, masali baduza is stunning and as a bisexual i already feel like a winner either way… but my god, she and Francesca would make such a gorgeous couple 😭

and i know people keep saying that gender bending Michael would erase important plot points but honestly i can think of several ways off the top of my head that they could maintain the integrity of the story even with Michaela as the lead instead of Michael.

and honestly, not that i have any reason to believe they’re actually going to genderbend Sophie, but they could easily rework Benedict’s story in a similar way— it irritates me that people are insisting there is no way they could make it work.

the book purists insisting xyz could not possibly happen because “that’s not how the story goes!” are making little sense to me. the show has already made many changes to the stories, large and small, and i don’t think “but the book story won’t work that way!” is a valid argument at this point. the writers have shown themselves very willing and even eager to uproot expectations and tell the story in a new way.

TOTALLY. i was previously on the "we should not expect queer rep from bridgerton they are clearly not very invested in it" train until jess brownell explicitly confirmed that a queer romance is coming and now im being a full ass clown about it. yea....when i think about masali baduza as michaela i actually need to lie down, it would end me. but also send an angel to protect her if that's actually true because some of the fandom....uh.....absolutely cannot handle that even remotely, and they WILL make it her problem.

but yes, i agree, there are many ways in which michael feels like a prime option for gender-bending. obviously when he was wicked has fans, but i think in general they're a little less rabid than some of the kanthony, polin, benophie, and philoise fans who would be specifically up in arms about major character changes to "their" ship. when he was wicked is later in the series, more disconnected, francesca's less present in the general narrative, etc.

also, because francesca has a widowhood storyline, it feels....how do i say this....deeply boring for bridgerton the show to introduce a man like john stirling, only to kill him off to make room for another random man. it would be exceedingly more interesting to have a queer element to the story, not least of all because it would add more tension to the "we cant be together because you're my dead husband's cousin" vibes.

also, women in the 19th century could inherit property. sometimes the property itself was not entailed and therefore not necessarily inherited by the male title holder. if francesca is living in the house....and michaela inherits the house....well, that's a pretty great set-up for a queer happy ending, which is, according to julia quinn, apparently impossible in a world where gay marriage isn't legal.

also, ALSOOOOO....a lesbian rake. i rest my case.

either way, im interested to see how they interpret when he was wicked's relationship to colonialism (if they do so), given that the show has now shown the Stirlings, or at least john stirling, to be Black. Kate's home and backstory in India has had some relevance to her characterization, and I'm curious to see if they take a similar tack with the stirlings (and how well they manage to execute it).

okay i think those are all of my michaela thoughts thank you so much for giving me an excuse to rant about them. truthers gotta stick together (until our hearts are inevitably dashed by cold hard reality)

[oneefin]

i beat world of goo 2 last weekend. phenomenal experience! absolutely worth the hype and my $30

i took a far-from-exhaustive set of screenshots of some standout times from my playthrough that left me in awe (all relatively spoiler free)

so i'm no video game reviewer, but i'll spill out some thoughts i have. spoiler warning from here on out!

world of goo 2 thoughts

this really doesn't need saying, because it's self-evident, but the game is gorgeous. literally oozing with completely unique and original art on every screen, including all the insane reflections and goo shapes and typography and artstyle shifts. i spent the start of every level just panning around admiring what i was looking at

on top of that, it sounds amazing. the game is about 6 hours if you go quick, but it's set to a score with a combined length of almost 2 hours. the sheer density of music in this game is breathtaking already, and the fact that it's absolutely world-class is the bonus on top

the level design is everything i expected from this team - a series of elegant, concept-driven scenarios that bounce rapidly from mechanic to mechanic without being afraid of underdeveloping any of them, in a way that feels exceptionally hand-crafted and curated. i felt so much care placed in every individual level, even if that meant there weren't so many of them

the emphasis on fluid simulation was especially cool - and i don't mean that in a "oh it's very technical and innovative and etc", as lots of programmer-y graphics-y gameplay elements tend to present themselves. the design does a really really good job at reigning in the inherent chaos of liquid physics and making it do a single, elegant thing that's exactly what you expect in every situation

the story of world of goo 2 is very windy and adventurous, but it's still cohesive! one of my worries going into this was that the story was going to lean more abstract / unresolutive, similar to past tomorrow corporation games, but for this they managed to craft a story arc that makes sense while still being fundamentally unpredictable - you can never tell what will happen next or in what direction things are going

chapter 4 was definitely a risky move! it panned out for me specifically but i can understand people not appreciating the tonal shift and/or the detective noir stuff. i thought the noir levels ran a risk of being too slow-paced relative to the other levels, but the payoff of the chapter finale really sold the whole thing for me - that was extremely cool. (i suspect they actually cut a set of levels from the chapter - ones corresponding to world of goo 6, mentioned in the finale level. now i'm just curious what it was...)

i think calling it "chapter 5" rather than "epilogue" in this game ran a risk of bad expectation setting, where people might be disappointed to see a chapter with only 4 levels, rather than a dozen and a half. i personally saw this coming so i wasn't bothered, although i felt the levels could have stepped it up challenge-wise, to feel like more fitting send-offs

i haven't hunted ocds seriously yet, but i expect to give it a spin sometime! maybe after more people upload videos of their crazy strategies. going for ocds lengthens the runtime of the game significantly - they're not trivial!

excellent sequel overall. it's great if you're going into it expecting exactly what world of goo 1 was, just with different, more 2020s ideas - it doesn't overdeliver or underdeliver compared to that.

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

every book i read in september!

this has been a very weird and depressing month for me, but at least i got a lot of reading done 🙃 a few v long books and some others i raced through, let's get into it!

The Last Devil to Die by Richard Osman

I had just started The Silk Roads (more on that later) at the end of last month when I got covid, and decided to switch to something a bit easier. Luckily I had this on hand, and it was absolutely perfect. I love this series so much, and I think this may have been the best one yet. Very good!

The Silk Roads by Peter Frankopan

My first foray into reading history for fun, one year post-history degree, and boy was this a bad place to start. I don't have a problem with the book overall, I just don't think it was right for me. I'm used to very focused studies of one particular historical period, so I found the broad-ness of this quite disappointing; it covers essentially all of human history in around 600 pages, so naturally can't go into great detail about any part of it. I found myself slightly bored and not learning anything new about periods I was already knowledgeable about, and being left wanting to learn much more about periods I wasn't already knowledgeable about. Again, this is definitely a problem with me rather than with the book - when I dip my toes into history again, I'm for sure going to go for something very specialised rather than something broad.

Slow Horses by Mick Herron

My parents love this series and we've been watching the tv show together since it started, and the book does not disappoint! It's about a group of, essentially, reject spies, who accidentally find themselves at the centre of a terrorist plot. I did find myself imagining the characters only in the way they're portrayed in the show, but that didn't impact my enjoyment (also I could not remember the plot at all, which helped).

Penance by Eliza Clark

This book has been sitting on my shelf for over a year, and I finally got around to it. It was good but, for me, didn't live up to the huge amount of hype. It's a faux-true crime story, using the conventions of true crime writing to tell a fictional story and criticise the genre. As someone who enjoys true crime but also thinks critically about it, I've read a few of these kinds of novels, and to be honest this one is not the best (I would recommend Devil House by John Darnielle or The Curious Case of the Alperton Angels by Janice Hallett, for anyone who's interested).

I was actually really enjoying it until the ending, which seemed tacked-on and didn't really make sense with the rest of the book. It kind of felt like a random plot twist just added to make the book seem more edgy, without actually saying anything more than ''sometimes journalists twist the truth''. It also didn't feel like it mattered very much, since the reader knows the entire story is made up. Kinda disappointed, especially since I know people who really love this book.

Complicity by Iain Banks

This was fantastic! It follows a journalist who is investigating a series of grisly murders and unexpectedly becomes the prime suspect. Much more gruesome than I expected, and even though I figured out who the killer was fairly early on, it still kept me hooked. I loved the use of flashbacks and multiple perspectives, both of which made it much more tense and exciting. Would highly recommend!

The Examiner by Janice Hallett

Hallett is one of those authors whose books I will literally take a detour and immediately buy if I see a new one in shop windows. All of her novels are stand-alone crime novels with quite different subjects, but they're all told through documents, like emails, text messages, call logs, etc. They're basically the book equivalent of found footage, and it works SO well. This one is set in a university, focusing on a small class of postgrads and the mystery surrounding their final project. In addition to things like text messages and emails, the book includes sections of the students' essays and marking feedback to tell the story. It has one fantastic twist, and it definitely one of my favourite of her books yet!

The Castle by Franz Kafka

I really wanted to love this, but it turned out to be one of the most difficult books I've ever read. The prose is impenetrable; trying to read this book feels like wading through quicksand. Every few minutes I would be flicking through to see how many pages I had left, which is very uncommon for me. I feel the need to clarify that I'm a very strong reader, and usually enjoy difficult novels, but this one didn't feel rewarding enough to make up for the complexity. The narrative is unsatisfying and feels completely pointless; I understand that that basically is the point, but I didn't feel compelled by it. Unfortunately this was not for me at all.

Currently Reading + On My Radar

I am currently reading The Night Manager by John le Carré; it's very good so far, and the perfect antidote to a slow-moving, plot-less book hangover. Since next month is October, I'm planning to read some spooky things. I have some horror novels on my tbr, like Sheep's Clothing by Celia Dale and Rouge by Mona Awad, as well as Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, which I'm reliably informed is horrifying. Looking forward to it!

[rainbowsky]

Hi Rainbow!!!

Is it bad if we don’t love GGDD’s new dramas post-2021? I’ve watched all of their new works on paid platforms but haven’t really loved any of them… and it makes me feel like a bad fan lol. Wfs are always going off about how we only support cql and nothing else so I feel like I’m just proving what they are saying. But on the other hand, I watch “straight” cdramas all the time and some just have better plots than others. I was really excited for ygy but so far it’s not my cup of tea and I find myself hyped for other dramas currently airing instead.

Hi Anon!

If you've watched all their dramas on paid platforms, it's hard to say you're a bad fan. That is by far the best way to support their work - through views, subscriptions, etc. Whether you liked a project or not, at least you've supported it.

You are under no obligation to enjoy their other work, but I think it's unusual for someone to dislike every other show they've done. You really watched them all - every one of them - and didn't like any of them? You didn't like The Youth Memories? You didn't like Being a Hero?

It's understandable that you'd dislike a shallow, cringey offering like OOL, but The Youth Memories? Really? That show is so good, I can't understand how you could dislike it. Have you really, honestly watched them ALL? 🤔

I can see why some people are a bit disappointed with The Longest Promise. I think that drama has been SO overhyped for years, as people have been dying to see it, and maybe they got their expectations ratcheted up too high. But it's also only just begun airing. I think people need to be patient and give it a real chance. The story has only just begun.

If you find yourself repeatedly disappointed it might be worth taking a closer look at your expectations. When you set an expectation in your mind, it's going to always be a guess, and it's going to almost always be an incorrect guess, and you'll go into the experience from a comparison mindset rather than from an open-minded one.

I personally try to avoid making assumptions - positive or negative - about something I haven't yet seen, and I try to go into everything with an open mind.

I've observed a lot of turtles who have stratospheric expectations for The Longest Promise and are feeling disappointed, and a lot of turtles who've had negative expectations of The Youth Memories and have completely skipped it. Both are doing themselves a disservice.

My advice for people approaching GG and DD's projects (or really, ANYTHING we encounter in life) is to try to go in with an open mind. Don't ignore or skip something just because you assume it won't be up your alley. You can't possibly know that until you try it.

Don't assume you're going to absolutely love something, either, or create preconceptions in your mind about what it will be like. Take it for what it is, and maybe through that open-minded perspective you'll find something about it that appeals to you.

And if you do watch it and find you don't like it, well at least you supported their projects. There are a lot of other dramas and films out there for you to enjoy, and there will be much more to enjoy from GG and DD in the coming years.

Edit: Follow-up post here.

[amyreads]

First off I just wanted to say thank you for infamous!! I can’t even pinpoint what it is but it has taken over my brain for the last week since I discovered it. Your writing/character development is amazing and you really are just a spectacular writer- you really know how to set up a scene and make it feel authentic. I absolutely love how open you are to hearing your readers wants/suggestions and it’s amazing that you’re already planning on doing POV chapters/bonus content, but I just want to make sure you don’t burn yourself out! Obviously you know what you can handle more than anyone else does, but I have seen IF authors get burn out and over extend themselves by trying to create extra content that will appease their readers and I would hateeeee to see that happen to you and Infamous! I am planning on supporting your Patreon as soon as it drops and I will obviously soak up any content I can, but I would rather not have any bonus content if that means you can focus solely on the book itself so you don’t have too much on your plate!! I hope this doesn’t come across as rude, as I said you know what you can handle and I’m grateful for anything you decide to create and share with us!! But I just wanna make sure you don’t get overwhelmed will all the extra stuff too ❤️

Thank so much :,) First, I'm glad you like Infamous and it always surprises me when someone likes it shjsjsj and it makes me happy! Secondly, it's very sweet of you to look out for me that way. It's true I have taken a bit of a step back from answering questions on the main blog. I used to answer so many in one day but I feel like being so open has left me vulnerable to a bit of entitlement from rude anons. Trying to keep up the pretense of a very active blog has left me a little drained and made me realize I created Infamous for one thing: to write! So I've started prioritizing my space to just write Infamous without feeling like I have to be active all the time on the blog. I have a lot of fun talking about Infamous on amyreads because I feel like there's no expectations here. I can just chat casually about it without feeling like people will take my word as law and then start having OPINYUNS about it nshsids ofc this is about like....0.5 percent of the people on the blog, everyone else has been so lovely and great :,) but even the negative minority can feel so loud because my brain just latches onto every bad thing about me. yeah yeah

As for the bonus content, you're right! I do need to be careful ahh I think it helps that I *want* to write these POV chapters so it doesn't feel like much of an obligation. I've had a lot of fun being able to focus on one scene that's already written and I can just remix it. But yeah, I will make sure to be a bit more mindful of my own limits <3

and it's not rude at all! I really appreciate it, it's nice to know there's someone out there thinking of me! As for saying no...HSHDBSDH it's very hard i hate disappointing people but omg ur right, i have such a hard time putting my foot down i don't like the idea of someone upset at me hshhsdbsdh

once again, thank you :,) this was nice to read. i hope you like whatever i have planned for the story :>

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 2/5

Book Blurb: The enemies-to-lovers queer Victorian romance follow-up to Don’t Want You Like a Best Friend, in which a young lord and a second son clash, but find themselves thrust together again and again by their meddling cousins.

“That man is, without a doubt, the absolute most obnoxious…

Bobby Mason is sick of being second best: born the spare, never trusted with family responsibility, never expected to amount to much. He’s hungry to contribute something that matters, while all around him his peers are squandering their political and financial power, coasting through life. Which is exactly why he can’t stand the new Viscount Demeroven.

…insufferable…

James Demeroven, just come of age and into the Viscountcy, knows that he’s a disappointment. Keeping his head down and never raising anyone’s expectations is how he’s survived life with his stepfather. To quiet, careful James, Bobby Mason is a blazing comet in his endless night, even more alive than he was at Oxford when James crushed on him from afar. But Mason is also brash and recklessly unapologetic, destined to shatter the fragile safety of James’s world. Worst of all, he keeps rubbing James’s failures in his face.

…hottest man to ever walk the ton.”

They can barely get through a single conversation without tensions boiling over. Neither Bobby nor James has ever met a more intriguing, infuriating, infatuating man.

If only they could avoid each other entirely. Bad enough their (wonderful but determined) cousins Beth and Gwen keep conveniently setting up group outings. But when an extortionist starts targeting their families, threatening their reputations, Bobby and James must find a way to work together, without pushing each other’s buttons (or tearing them off) in the process… 

Review:

A new viscount who has secrets he's trying to keep finds himself facing off against his past school boy crush and the very man who gets under his skin, a handsome and open man who was asked to babysit him. James Demeroven has just inherited the title of Viscount from his father, despite suffering from anxiety, a terrible ex who is keen to blackmail him, an abusive step father, and meeting his only other family members he never knew he had, James is having a bit of a time. James is meant to be spending time with his aunt and his cousin, two people. who's home he essentially took and who had been cut out from the family but now that he's inherited the title he wants to get to know them and that means spending time with them... and spending time with Bobby Mason. Bobby Mason is the second son, he's always second best and feels like he doesn't contribute anything, so when his uncle asks him to babysit and help the newcomer in their circle to make connections and fit in with the society, he reluctantly says yes.. but every attempt to be friendly ends up in coldness as James just can't seem to convey his words or thoughts well. Bobby wants to be friends but James is intent on arguing. Bobby and James can't stand one another and yet when Jame's ex threatens to blackmail their family and extort money, both of them will have to work together to stop him and protect their families before it's too late. This is the sequel to the first book, but unfortunately this one just wasn't as good as the first one. I loved Gwen and Beth, but Bobby and James just did not work for me. They didn't feel like they had any chemistry and I just wasn't all that invested in their relationship after everything. I really enjoyed the first book but this one just didn't work for me. I really wished it did, but I just did not have as much fun with this one as I did with the first book. If you are looking for a opposites attracts/ dislike to lovers, give this a go maybe it'll work out better for you than it did for me.

*Thanks Netgalley and Avon and Harper Voyager,  for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[cristinazar]

I attended the Notting Hill Carnival (27 Aug 2023 – 28 Aug 2023) for the second time and high expectations were met. It was a great time, but I must admit, my interaction with the carnival isn't quite like most people's. I go there to photograph and document the event, but I do it as part of my “artistic expression” (sorry for the fake highbrow). While others revel with friends to party, I'm more of a memory hoarder and archivist for the carnival. A girl with a hump and cap looking through a camera.

Don't get me wrong; I dance, admire the stunning costumes, and have fun, but not quite in the typical way it's intended. It's my way of enjoying the carnival, and I can't imagine going and not photographing it. That's my main desire at the carnival—to be a mirror for it, a tiny grain looking outward into that vast sea of energy.

For the past two years, I've focused on a photojournalism style because the event itself and the people within it are fascinating to me. I want to reflect the carnival as it is, but even in this approach, it's still very subjective photography. I choose who to photograph, under what circumstances, how to frame the image, and later, I select and edit the pictures. So, it's not reality, but it's the carnival through my experience.

Btw I welcome any notes or comments on this series :)

I observed numerous photographers and videographers on-site and had the pleasure of discovering their work on social media. It's a joy to see their personal reflections of the carnival. Capturing this incredible party filled with culture and people who open their hearts and identities for the camera is like a gift for a photographer. They reveal themselves in all their euphoria, and it's an unforgettable experience to be a part of.

One of the reasons I feel very fortunate to be living in London (or more like surviving London) is the opportunity to attend this J'ouvert. It's one of the few parties where I have an absolute blast.

This year, it took me a while to process my own work and edit it. Part of the reason is that I took more pictures and spent more hours at the carnival than last year. However, this doesn't necessarily mean the pictures are better; there were just more to go through, and I needed to take my time. To be honest, I'm a little disappointed with this year's photos compared to last. I'm not sure if it's because the novelty has worn off a bit or if I wasn't at the top of my game those two days. I'm quite rusty since I hardly take my camera out anymore and I really should do it more since even the camera's batteries die on me from lack of use!

My success depends on finding stories and interesting individuals at the carnival and being able to react quickly to capture the moment. Many times, I've seen something worth photographing and fumbled the opportunity. I hate when that happens, but it's bound to occur.

Additionally, while editing the pictures, I quickly realized that I had used the wrong camera settings (What a delight!). The pictures were noisy and looked of low quality. They seemed fine on the tiny camera screen, but on the computer, they resembled images taken with a 2000s Nokia. Lesson learned, or maybe not so much, as it seems I did worse than last year. But I'll certainly be more cautious in the future, ensuring I set the right parameters on the camera and invest in a better lens for fast-paced events. There should be no excuses, but as I mentioned last year, I often have mere seconds to capture a shot, dealing with whatever light conditions the sun or tree shadows throw at me and the speed at which my subjects move. So, it's not easy.

The AI noise reduction tool in Photoshop has helped salvage some of these photos that might otherwise have been discarded due to cases of "this person looks amazing, but the picture is shit". So, if you notice unreal smooth skin or odd lines in shadows, it's probably the AI at work.

As I write this text, I'm using an AI to assist me (hi chat), and it will be processed and grammatically corrected by it. Thus, both the images and text in this series bear the touch of artificial intelligence. Part of it is due to my mistakes, lack of time and skill, but it's also because AI is a valuable collaborator. I appreciate the style it adds to the photographs (and the grammar haha), making it a great creative partner for now. Let's see how it evolves in the future…

Another noteworthy aspect is that I've been sharing a lot about my experiences at the Notting Hill Carnival with a close friend, Carmen (too humble/shy to share last name). She always provides interesting interpretations and insightful comments on everything I tell her. She seemed amused by my stories and photos of the carnival, so I asked her if she'd be interested in creating some text based on the photographs.

Carmen has done some great work to accompany one of these series, the LOVE series (the text is in Spanish btw). She has never attended the Notting Hill carnival, so she based the experience on these pics. I really like how she writes, so I was very happy to have her included here.

I hope you enjoy the photographs and the information I tried to dig up on the culture behind the costumes and the traditions I saw. Of course, if you want to know more do your research and don't stop here, as there's lots to discover. Also, I want to make a disclaimer that the specific meaning of these scenes at the Notting Hill Carnival can vary widely among participants. Carnival costumes and symbols are highly individualistic and can be influenced by a person's cultural background, personal beliefs, or creative inspirations.

Thank you for reading!

Cris

[byanyan]

@chronal-anomaly sent:ㅤIt's been two or three days since she's last seen Byan. Even during the few practices they DID attend that week, before disappearing altogether, they were off, being particularly confrontational and cold to people that almost, almost could be considered their friend. While it wasn't a surprise, Lena still found their rejection of something good and normal and regular in their otherwise chaotic life, disappointing. It's late when she finally finds them, sitting atop a local diner, eating cold take out that Lena wasn't entirely sure if it was stolen or not. Their rejections at her joining them went ignored as Lena climbed the nearby ladder, sitting next to them to observe the sun setting over the city. "Team's not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me."

ㅤhow she keeps managing to find them, they'll never understand. at this point, they're starting to wonder if she hasn't simply figured out how to track their phone, and if they weren't so mad that she's gone ahead and turned up against all odds, they'd be impressed. why is it always when they want some distance that people chase them down, desperate for their company, showing up and inviting themselves to join even when byan themself makes it very clear they don't want them around?

hissing to themself as they hear the sounds of lena clambering up the ladder despite their very verbal resistance, byan nudges at a few of the cold fries in the styrofoam takeout container with their fork. as she settles down next to them, they don't bother to look over, nor do they say anything, choosing to instead scowl down at their food (which they had absolutely swiped off the takeout counter while no one was looking).

unsurprisingly, lena is the one to break the silence and, while byan is certain what she says is supposed to be meaningful, they've been half-expecting to hear exactly that since they spotted her down below.

her words are ones they've heard before. ones always spoken with the same confidence, the same compassion — and yet each and every person who had promised these same things to them in the past were no longer in their life today. funny how that happened. almost like there's always a limit to the care they're willing to extend, even while they're promising you the opposite.

it's bullshit. every word. no matter how much they might like to believe it, they can't. every time they've been dumb enough to think that this time might be different, it's come back to bite them in the ass. never again. they won't let themself fall for it anymore. it hurts too much.

it's their own damn fault they're in this position again. they got too comfortable, let themself get too close — to lena, to the rest of the track team — and they should have realized sooner. should have kept their distance. they took too long, and now trying to force the distance they should have maintained from the start has resulted in lena trying to fight it — an annoyance, more than anything even if somewhere deep down they want her to keep fighting it, the same as they want to believe that she's not going anywhere.

ㅤbut it won't last. it never does. she'll give up on them eventually, just like everyone else.

ㅤㅤthen maybe they'll finally have some fucking peace.

with a sniff, byan shoves themself up to their feet, brushing the dust and dirt from their pants. they don't want to be here anymore. they don't want to hear any more of this shit that just makes the whole process more painful. the look they shoot lena is an oddly expressionless one for them, and the tone in their voice holds a coldness to match;

ㅤㅤ" that's what they always say. " tossing the styrofoam container to the ground almost in disgust, the teen moves to the ladder and begins their quick descent, leaving lena with only a few bitter final words; " you'd be surprised how quickly it changes. "

[sweatgrass]

I’m at a job orientation for a “progressive” company in the “big woke liberal” city and I am the only one wearing a mask. There’s like 30-40 people here and it’s just me. There’s multiple people here who have dyed hair + piercings + use any or they/them pronouns and yet it’s just me wearing a mask. I feel like I’m going insane a little bit because this is expected of most people now unfortunately. But don’t you think people who are purposely aligning themselves with “punk/queer” aesthetics should like, care about other people? I feel like sometime during quarantine these communities become aesthetics/commodifications which is so absolutely heartbreaking!!!! I’ve looked and aligned myself with these communities since I was like 12 and now seeing people in public who look like me more often than not sets me off because they tend to be so unfriendly and performative about it all. Like what actually happened on a large scale to make such a disappointing switch happen.

[oceanoecielo]

Simon has absolutely no interest in actually killing himself—quite the opposite, really. He has never wanted to die, ever since he saw his tiny, meaningless life flash before his eyes after falling from that ladder. As it was happening, all he could think was, ‘Not yet, not like this,’ but he does believe that he would have thought, ‘Not like this,’ had it happened in any other way. He was simply not ready to leave this world, and to be perfectly frank, he still isn’t. His extra long life has been nothing short of a blessing, and he tries not to take any of his 170,000-plus days and counting for granted.

He understands that death will happen to him at some point, that everyone’s existence is finite including him. The fact that he has continued to age, albeit slowly, is proof of that, and considering he is the equivalent of around 80-something years by ordinary standards, he reckons he is rapidly approaching his end. Of course, his ‘rapidly’ approaching still looks absolutely sluggish in comparison to anybody else. He will undoubtedly see several more generations—or if not several, then at least a few—come and go before he finally expires himself. Even the heroes that go around the city, lauded for their superhuman achievements and saving people and whatnot, seem to be much further from eternity than he is, and it is funny to think that he might outlast them—funny strange, not funny ‘haha.’

But he knows how it looks to anyone who does not understand his desire to live as long as possible—and his being extremely good at it, too. And honestly, he wants it to look that way, feeding off all of the terrible assumptions they make. It is wonderful how much he does not even have to try to scare people sometimes, how they will get themselves all in a tizzy right on their own.

He is a little bit disappointed to be set down on solid ground, wishing that the boy had hovered with him in the air for a little bit longer, but oh well. Perhaps, the two of them will see each other in the skies again someday. A white boater hat floats down gently, as if the wind were making a delivery to Simon specifically, and he reaches for it and sets it atop his head.

Then, he flashes another beaming smile at his ‘savior.’ “Yes, yes, quite fine, sweet boy, thank you for asking! And yourself?” He knows that the boy is expecting him to divulge some reason as to why he stepped off the building, some deep and troubling sadness, and the fact that Simon has nothing worth sharing in that department tickles him much more than it probably should.

“Just doing your job, yes, such a dutiful lad, you are.” Simon is already walking away from the hullabaloo that is sure to follow such a daring rescue, all the police to question him and the ambulance to take him away so that he can be put under suicide watch, but he motions for the child to follow him because he is not done with him yet. “They ought to give you a raise for that! Unless you’re just doing this to look good on uni applications, in which case I hope you get into the one you want.”

oceanoecielo​:

( closed starter for @svperboi )

Simon stands on the ledge for a few moments, feeling the fear pulse in the air like electricity while everyone on the ground anticipates his drop.  It’s hard to make them out from up here, as he is sure it’s hard for them.  It is probably that all they can see is a vaguely humanoid figure, but that’s still enough to get them into a tizzy.  Perhaps some are pointing up at him, getting others to look, and others are no doubt shouting, trying to convince him not to do it, but the wind rushing around his ears drowns them all out.  That droning white noise, whisking the rest of the world away—it’s so… peaceful.  He smiles, closes his eyes, and steps off.

He can’t tell what he likes more, the satisfaction he gets, the rush of power, at causing fear in others, or the heart-pounding excitement of the drop itself.  It’s so fast, and it only gets exponentially faster the longer you fall, yet it still takes so long, allowing you to fully appreciate exactly how high up you had been to begin with.

But he doesn’t get to enjoy the full descent properly because it is abruptly cut short by a pair of arms, one under his back and one under his knees.  His eyes snap open, and then he is staring into the face of a very young boy, probably no older than fifteen.  The pair of them are still hovering in the air while the boy holds Simon as if he weighs nothing.  On top of the apparent ability to fly, there is something about the child’s face, the energy he gives off, that marks him clearly as one of Simon’s own.

And he grins.

“Why, my dear boy, it would seem that you’ve caught me!” Simon says excitedly, hooking his arm over the child’s shoulders as if he actually needs the support as a means of playing along.  “Congratulations!  Good show!  I mean, really, spectacular stuff.  I can hardly remember how I came to be falling, but goodness, if I’m not anymore.  Well, actually, aren’t we all in a perpetual state of falling?”  He makes a vague gesture with his other hand.  “Given how our planet has designed itself and all of that—gravity, you know what I mean.”

He laughs heartily and then remembers that he is supposed to be in mortal peril or what-have-you, so he latches onto the kid with his free hand as well.  “In any case, you did stop me from falling in the deadly sort of way, and that’s not nothing!  In fact, I think it’s rather something to write home about.  So, really, again, excellent going.”

🧬 — Kon had been flying around on patrol when he heard the first inklings of trouble. like a crescendo reaching its peak, he could hear the hushed whispers and startled gasps of people rise up into a cacophony of yelling and screaming, all in the general vicinity of a building on 4th street. 

oh god! he’s gonna jump! someone call the police! 

Kon rushes ahead, pushing himself more than normal in an attempt to get to the person in question before the inevitable splat on the pavement. thankfully, he’s fast enough, getting there not long after the man had stepped off. with a soft grunt he catches said man, what he hopes is a reassuring smile on his face as he starts the slow descent to the sidewalk. 

before Kon can start comforting him, the old man speaks and tosses the boy for a loop. he didn’t expect this man to be in such a happy mood after attempting such an act, it left Kon a little unsettled. he blinks a few times before speaking,  “ Uh… You’re welcome? “ he starts, unsure how to continue with all the praise, “ Are… you okay? “ 

it was almost like the man hadn’t just jumped from a high building, but had been taking a leisurely stroll, it was weird. Kon laughs a little along with him, confused more than anything as he slowly reaches the pavement, setting the man down gently, “ Uh… Thank you, sir. It was nothing, really. Just doing my job. “

[akindplace]

Whenever someone demands absolute perfection of you, they are setting you up for failure. They are disappointing themselves at the end because they are the ones with such high expectations. No one can ever be perfect. Not even those who seem to have their lives together and ask us to be perfect. How can someone demand perfection from another person? It is such an awful thing to do, asking others to do the impossible, and when they inevitably fail, then it's still their fault for not being able to be perfect. That is such a toxic mindset.

Whenever someone is demanding perfection from me, I often see that the person usually thinks they are perfect or at least think they are so great that others owe them perfect behavior. And none of those things are true, because asking for perfection is such a fucked up thing to do, as you set someone up for failing and then being humiliated for their failure. It's such a rude, careless, and weird thing to demand out of someone.

It makes me feel way less anxious when I think "oh, the person who is being so demanding of me is actually such an asshole, who are they to preach about perfection to me?". Whenever I am faced with situations like this, thinking about it this way has been helping me to not get anxious and to avoid complying to any demands because of an eagerness to please. I don't have to be perfect for anyone, especially someone who can only be proud, or consider me successful or even love me when I qualify to their perfectionist standards.

I am not here on this planet, alive, to live a life of constantly pleasing people, walking on eggshells, burning myself out trying to always be the best, only for someone to always believe I am never good enough to get their very conditional love. I deserve to be loved when I am imperfect, and so do you.

And the person who made you believe that you don't deserve love unless you are perfect is even more flawed than they say you are, because they are being so toxic by saying you will only get any affection when you do the impossible. There is no winning and it is such a messed up thing to do to someone you should love unconditionally. Don't accept conditional love. Remember, you owe these people nothing when they ask you to do the impossible or burn out trying.

[urwelcomeforthis]

Alex’s tattoo shows up the day after she punches Marcus Hinkle.

He had been picking on Kara in the hallway, dangling her math book above her head, taking advantage of his summer growth spurt.

Kara still doesn’t know what possessed Alex – Marcus Hinkle had been a thorn in her side since she had landed on Earth and started school a year ago, but whatever the reason, today was the day Alex couldn’t take anymore.

Eliza had been furious. Jeremiah had been (not so) silently proud.

Kara didn’t know what she had felt, really. Especially not when she asked Alex why, and the older girl had just shrugged and said “You’re my sister. It’s what we do.”

Up until this point being sisters meant fights in the hallway over the bathroom and ignoring each other at the dinner table.

Apparently, things were changing.

Kara is just waking up when she hears Alex’s hushed “What the hell?”

“What is it?” She asks, groggily sitting up and wiping at the sleep in her eyes.

Her sister is holding her forearm up, frantically scrubbing at a spot right in the middle, her eyes frantic.

“I don’t…. I don’t know! It’s like a tattoo but I didn’t get a tattoo! Fuck, Mom is going to kill me.” Alex sounds panicked as she continues scrubbing at the spot, and Kara feels her heartbeat speed up.

“You had a tattoo just appear on your skin?” Kara asks slowly, her mind suddenly far away on a planet that doesn’t exist anymore, in a culture she had been forced to leave behind.

Alex stops scrubbing and looks at Kara with a piercing gaze. “Yeah. It’s some funny symbol too, like the way you used to write before you learned English. Did you do this to me?”

Alex leaps off the bed and crosses the room in two quick strides, arm held out like an accusation.

Kara shrinks in on herself a little but nods. “I think so. I didn’t know it was possible here, but well, on Krypton when your soul mate reveals themselves, a tattoo linking you appears. I should have one too, somewhere, if you do.”

Alex stops dead in her tracks, her eyes wide. “Soul mates? But we’re sisters! That’s so gross!”

Jumping up from the bed, hands held up in surrender Kara hastens to explain further. “No! Not like that, I promise! Back home, people had different kinds of soul mates. Sometimes it was the romantic kind like you talk about here on Earth, but other times it could just be a compatible soul, someone who was meant to be a part of you.”

Alex still looks wary, if not relieved, as she tentatively holds out her arm. “So, what does this mean? What kind of soul mates are we?”

Stepping forward Kara delicately traces the symbols on Alex’s forearm. “It literally means “sister of the soul.” Je shesur. The symbol after it is unique, the way we would know we were linked. If this had happened on Krypton it would mean we were soul sisters. Not from the same parents but family just the same.”

Alex nods. “And here on Earth? What does it mean here?”

“The same thing. At least that’s what it means to me.” Kara refuses to meet Alex’s eyes, not sure she wants to see what waits for her there.

There’s a long minute of silence after Alex takes her arm back. The clearing of her throat brings Kara’s eyes up from their place on the ground.

“Where’s yours?” Alex asks, eyes burning with curiosity.

Kara shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s not on my arms like yours is. It must be hidden. Can you look on my back?”

“Sure.” Alex nods. “Lift up your shirt.”

Kara turns and tugs her shirt up and over her head. It takes a moment, but she hears her sister gasp followed by the feel of fingertips against her left shoulder blade.

“It’s the same as mine.” Alex says reverently, and Kara closes her eyes against the emotion welling up there.

Who would have thought she would get to have this piece of home?

“So, I guess I’m stuck with you. For like, ever, huh?” Alex smiles once Kara has turned back around.

Kara grins back. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Alex shrugs. “Could be worse. But you have to tell Mom about this, because she’ll never believe me, and she is going to be pissed that I have a tattoo.”

“Sure, I can tell Mom.” Kara grins, a piece of her heart settling in place. She hasn’t felt at home on Earth, not really, but at this moment she feels like it isn’t all that bad.

--

The next person to get a tattoo is, interestingly enough, James.

It doesn’t come when they’re dating, or whatever it was that they were doing, no.

It comes after he has revealed himself to be Guardian, and he and Kara have the biggest fight of their friendship.

Kara wakes up the morning after tired, groggy, and more than a little cranky. Its as she’s stripping down to get in the shower that she notices it – the Kryptonese scrawled along the inside of her right bicep.

Throniv Shesur. Protector of the soul.

Kara heaves a deep, deep, sigh and grabs her phone.

She meets James at the DEO, both tentative around each other after the yelling match of the day before.

“So. I woke up with a tattoo. Kryptonese. Any idea what that’s about?” James looks smug, like he’s won some kind of battle with Kara and god, at that moment she wishes they were in the training room and she could just punch him.

“Yeah. I did too. It means “protector of the soul.” She crosses her arms against her chest, desperately trying to hold onto her anger from yesterday but the wide grin on James’ face is making it hard.

“I know. I asked Clark first thing since I figured you’re still pissed at me. He was a little surprised, but he translated it for me.”

“Where’s it at?” Kara asks, still pretending to be upset but truthfully it was hard given the glaring message from home telling her that James was meant to be Guardian. That they were meant to protect each other. Protect others together.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” James says with a waggle of his eyebrows and that’s what finally breaks Kara, a laugh ringing out across the room.

It wasn’t who she expected to have a tattoo, not in this way at least, but if it had to be anyone, she’s glad it’s James.

--

Mon-El doesn’t get a tattoo. Kara wishes she were more disappointed.

--

The last person to get a tattoo is someone Kara had desperately hoped both would and would not get a tattoo.

For a long time, she feared what that tattoo would be, if it were to happen. She feared having to explain it, having to explain herself.

She had checked with Clark a few times, when paranoia would get the better of her.

No, he always told her. Lex did not have a tattoo. They were enemies, yes, but it hadn’t been decided by destiny or fate. It just was.

That mollified Kara because she couldn’t stand it if she and Lena were to become Clark and Lex. She would fight against it, fight against fate to keep it from happening.

And then, well. It kind of happens anyways.

They aren’t enemies, not really. Lena just hates Kara and aims a few Kryptonite cannons at her and tries to mind control the entire planet, but really everyone is allowed a brief lapse of their sensibility, right?

And what matters is she came around, in the end.

It did take time, however, for them to build back to what they once had. It was different now, but in the way that things once broken and fixed usually are.

It was better, if anything.

They were back to shared lunches and dinners, quick breakfasts and coffee breaks. They were back to game nights as partners and movie nights as friends, and the occasional sleepovers as best friends.

Things were finally back to normal, so of course Kara had to go and absolutely, irrevocably, mess it up.

It was Alex’s fault, really.

If she hadn’t said anything, if she hadn’t asked Kara what was up between her and Lena lately, Kara probably never would have stopped to think about it.

She never would have stopped to think about the way her heart sped up when Lena entered a room, or the way her palms got sweaty when they hugged, or the way she just could not stop staring at Lena when she laughed at game nights.

But now she had thought of it and had come to the very scary conclusion that she was in love with her best friend.

Her best friend who didn’t have a tattoo.

She would, after all this time, have a tattoo, the tattoo, if they were meant to be together, right?

Kara mulls it over for weeks. It haunts her. She asks Lena about tattoos, and if she has any.

She learns that yes, in fact Lena does have tattoos and boy howdy one of them is on her lower back and it is seared into the back of her eyes now that she has seen it.

But she doesn’t have any kryptonian tattoos, which is really what Kara was aiming for.

Much like it was Alex’s fault that Kara even realized she was in love, it’s also Alex who reminds Kara of one important detail.

“Well I didn’t get my tattoo until after I punched what’s his face. Maybe you have to tell Lena how you feel and then she’ll get the tattoo.”

Kara feels dumb struck, right there on her own couch, because of course, Alex is right.

The tattoos always come after the person has already revealed themselves.

Then of course comes the true fear: what if she tells Lena and she still doesn’t get a tattoo?

That’s the question she’s mulling over the next night as she and Lena sit on her couch watching some documentary that had been put on Netflix.

Lena looks beautiful, face bare of makeup, hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, glasses slipping down her nose.

She’s eating a piece of pizza, a rare treat after a long week of work, and Kara decides that it doesn’t matter if Lena doesn’t get a tattoo.

She’s hopelessly, desperately in love with the woman and she can’t let a tattoo that may or may not come dictate her life.

“I’m in love with you, you know.” Kara blurts out, like this isn’t a life changing moment, like it’s the easiest thing in the world to say. (It is.)

Lena chokes a little on the bite she was swallowing, her hand coming up to her chest as she sets down the slice.

“Excuse me?”

Kara laughs. She’s never felt more free than in this moment. “I’m in love with you. I just thought you should know.”

Lena looks at her, shock written all over her face. “Oh. I guess that’s good.”

“Just good?” Kara nudges Lena’s thigh with her knee.

Lena shakes her head. “I mean it’s more than good, considering I’m in love with you too.”

“Yeah?” Kara could float up to the moon, she thinks.

Lena smiles, nose crinkled. “Yeah.”

It’s the next morning that Lena calls and asks if Kara can stop by. She has this tattoo she didn’t have yesterday, right on her ribcage, and it looks like it’s Kryptonian.

Kara frantically searches her own body, finding the script on her hip, on the left side.

Zhao Shesur. Love of the soul.

It took them five years to get to this point, but Kara knows, this moment was more than worth the wait.

[phantomrose96]

Fenton Fact

Danny leaned back against the red brick chimney of the Casper High roof, and he looked across the stretch of land rolling far off from the building top. For a place so off-limits, so hidden-away from the normal bustle of the school, the view really wasn’t anything special. Sure, the school was decently tall, but it overlooked the staff parking lot, and the empty Casper High tennis courts, and the back of a strip mall two blocks over with the recently-haunted laundromat.

Not that it mattered. It took more than tall-building-views to impress Danny anyway, even the nice ones. And he wasn’t up here for the view.

Danny let his eyes drift shut.

“Sup loner, room for one more?”

Danny startled, and it wasn’t Sam’s voice specifically that startled him. (He’d grown used to her bursting from his Fenton Phone earpiece during most nightly patrols.) He’d just lulled himself a bit too comfortably into the idea that no other human could follow him to the top of the locked rooftop of the Casper High building.

“Did I just surprise a ghost?” Sam asked. “Should I do it again with a ‘boo’?”

“Haha,” Danny answered with a fake chuckle. He blinked himself back to prickly awareness, drowsiness batted away like dust bunnies, and stared up at Sam. “I’m not surprised. I just wasn’t expecting anyone else to be on the roof. How did you even—”

Sam was a few steps ahead of him. In explanation, she waggled the Fenton-branded grappling hook gripped in hand.

Danny leaned back with a faux-exasperated sigh. “Since when do you even have a grappling hook?”

“Since I told your mom it would be a wildly cool line of gear to add to the Fenton brand.”

“Does this mean my mom now has a grappling hook too?”

“Yes. And your dad. And Jazz. And Tucker.”

“Great. When I go home and all the ceiling fans are torn down I’ll know why.”

A gentle silence lapsed over them, punctuated with the swell of fall wind.

“So…” Sam continued. “Can I sit here?”

“Huh?” Danny looked at her, anchoring his drifting thoughts once more. “Oh, yeah. I thought the ‘yeah’ was implied.” Danny shuffled a bit to the side, back still resting against the chimney. He patted the spot he cleared. “What am I gonna tell you? No?”

“Just making sure.” Sam stowed the grappling hook to the side of her belt and settled into the spot beside Danny, feet outstretched. “In case maybe you wanted some alone time.”

“’Alone time’ isn’t really something I get anymore. I’ve had about a hundred-too-many ghosts crash through my bedroom for that.”

“So why the roof?”

“Roof is more for uh…” Danny twirled his hand, “‘less adoring crowds’ time. ‘Less classmates ogling me’ time. You can stay so long as you don’t ask me to sign anything.”

“I was never interested in the parasocial or capitalistic value of celebrity signatures. Besides, you cross your ‘t’s weird.”

Danny replied with a half-hearted chuckle. His line of sight drifted into the middle-distance again, unfocused.

“Is it getting to be too much?” Sam asked.

“Hmm?” Danny answered, eyes shifting back to her.

Sam gestured broadly, hands and arms outstretched. “You know just. All this. Everything.”

“…Nah.”

Another small silence grew from the cracks in the concrete between them.

“Paulina and Star are looking for you. You know that, right?”

“Oh, are they?”

“Danny. You knew that.”

“Maybe.”

“…And you’re not interested in seeing what they want?”

“I figure Tucker is keeping them busy.”

“You’re unfortunately right.”

“Phantom Phacts?”

“Phantom Phacts.” Sam nodded. “I made him promise to leave out any embarrassing trivia from the trivia section.”

“Thanks for that,” Danny answered. “Is his presentation any good?”

“You think I’ve ever stuck around to hear it?”

“Fair.”

Sam pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around her legs and set her chin to her knees, staring forward.

“You’re really not interested in sitting with Star and Paulina for lunch?”

“Not really. Why? Is that bad?”

“No, it’s absolutely great. But I’m…” Sam shrugged, “surprised, I guess. I feel like usually you’d jump at the opportunity. And I kinda don’t think you’re refusing because you’ve suddenly recognized the banality of A-lister status.”

“Maybe that is what happened, you don’t know that. Down with capitalism, Sam.”

“Danny.” Sam tilted a fraction to face him. “I’m worried that this is all too much for you, and you just won’t admit it.”

Danny sat with the silence that followed. “I don’t think it’s too much. I’m just—I dunno. I mean. I’m just not feeling it.”

“…You can admit if it’s overwhelming, Danny. I’ll be the first to shut down ‘Phantom Phacts’ if it is.”

“Nah, nah let Tucker have his fun. He’s not the problem. It’s… I dunno.” Danny pushed himself taller against the chimney, upright now and unslumped. “It’s a little bit overwhelming, I guess, maybe. But it’s kind of what I expected. Maybe even a little easier than I was expecting. I thought I’d be dealing with a lot of Phantom-hate once everyone knew but, I guess that kind of died down a long time before everyone knew.”

“Valerie holding you at gunpoint in the cafeteria wasn’t Phantom-hate?”

“We’ve had a lot of good talks since then, okay?”

Sam let out a quiet laugh. “So then… why aren’t you sitting with the popular kids right now?”

“I just didn’t want to, I guess?”

“And why didn’t you want to?”

“It just didn’t really feel right.”

“Is it because of me?” Sam asked, another side-long glance cast to Danny. “Because you can sit with them. I’ll still make fun of you if you do, but you don’t have to… not sit with them because of me.”

“What? Huh—no. Nah, nah I mean I do care what you think Sam. But I mean if I wanted to be sitting with them then I would so. I mean. You don’t have to worry that it’s you.”

“So then what is it?”

Danny took a moment to answer.

“It’s just… it’s a feeling. I dunno. Like.” Danny spread his arms out. “The invitation is wrong? Or the invitation isn’t actually for me?”

“…The invitation is for Phantom instead?”

Pensive indecision set into Danny’s eyes. “That’s not totally it. Because I mean I AM Phantom. I’m not not me when I’m Phantom. Maybe I trash-talk a little more in ghost form but I’m not… not me. That’s still just me. You know that.”

“Right, yeah, no Danny. It just sounded like that’s what you were saying.” Sam let her legs slide out a few inches. “So what are you saying?”

Danny sat with the question. “When the news first picked up on Phantom, way back when—Inviso-Bill?—that wasn’t really anyone, you know? They made up some spooky icon to make the news about. Which was just like, whatever, not me. I didn’t even take ‘Inviso-Bill’ too personally because that just wasn’t me. And even when I stopped being an enemy and started actually being ‘Danny Phantom’… no one actually got it right, you know? They kind of came up with a character for me. Just some hero. I listen to the news and how they talk about me and I think, even now, I think ‘That isn’t me.’”

Danny pulled his knees in, a mirror to Sam, and stared down into his tattered jean fabric. “And when everyone learned I’m Phantom I guess I kind of expected them to be like ‘Oh it’s Fenton’ and then that fake version of Phantom would go away.” Danny raised his eyes to Sam, far more bothered than before. “…I think the opposite happened. They don’t look at Phantom and think ‘oh it’s Fenton’. They look at Fenton and think ‘oh it’s Phantom.’ I think Danny Fenton got put away. I think the person I was for 14 years doesn’t exist to them anymore. Whoever they invited to lunch isn’t me. He doesn’t exist. But I’m suddenly responsible for him. And it’s not even me.”

Danny paused. “And now I’ve been wondering like… how long until I disappoint them? You know? How long until I do something that makes them angry because I’m not doing the thing they expect ‘Phantom’ to do? How long until they start seeing there’s too much ‘Fenton’ in me and they start to hate me for it all over again? For them to really like me, I don’t think I can be me, and I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to be someone who doesn’t just disappoint everyone in the end.”

A long gust of wind swept between them, stealing away the seconds.

“…So now you’re hiding on the roof.”

“It was the easiest solution to my problem.”

“But not a lasting one, if you ever want to get down.” The wind settled, and Sam swept a lock of hair behind her ear. “…Do you care if you disappoint them?”

Danny shrugged. “I. Yeah. I think. I don’t—I don’t think I totally know for certain, but I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”

“Well, you’re not going to disappoint me, or Jazz, or Tucker—and if Tucker does act disappointed over any lost Phantom Phacts ventures I’ll whap him over the head. But I mean, we know who you are. We’re not going to be disappointed realizing you’re not ‘Phantom.’ The worst you can do is land right back where you started.”

“And what if I started acting like ‘Phantom’ instead. Would that disappoint you guys?”

“Do you want to act like ‘Phantom’?”

Danny paused. “…No. Not at all.”

“Then don’t. It’s that simple.” Sam stood, and she stretched until her back popped. “It’s not your responsibility to uphold whatever delusions people project onto you. I won’t hesitate to call them out on it. You know I’m good at being direct, and you know I’m even better at making enemies.”

“I don’t wanna be mean to them though when they’re finally being nice.”

“They’re not being nice, they’re projecting. If their niceness to you is conditional on you fitting to the box they created for you, that’s not nice, that’s manipulation, and it’s exactly the root of my ever-frothing disdain for popularity. It’s always some element about popular people that people latch on to, and they can fit the box that people give them, or they can reject it and find themselves wallowing amongst us outcasts. Don’t do that to yourself, Danny. Don’t live in their chains.” Sam tilted her head to Danny. “You spend all day trapping ghosts into tight little boxes and you can’t even recognize when it’s happening to you. I think you’d be better at spotting this.”

“It’s a cylinder, really. The thermos. It’s a cylinder. And don’t say ‘box’ so much. You might summon company.”

“You just said ‘box’ though.”

“I did say ‘box’.”

“Box.”

“Box.”

Sam laughed, noise trailing light on her lips. “…Feeling any better?”

“A little, I think… I still… I still think I... it's not as easy to just say 'I don't care if I disappoint them.' It's still scary. I don’t want to end up proving them right that they were right to hate me all along.”

“Are the opinions of Dash Baxter really the ones to be holding on a pedestal? Is his opinion of you really more important than what you think of yourself? You’ve been through this with the A-listers already. Don’t torture yourself again just because the door is wide open. I promise you Danny, it won’t make you happy.”

“So I should just do whatever makes me happy?”

“Every time.” Sam nodded.

"Even if I'm a total disappointing loser?"

"All the better."

"Even if I blow any chance I have with Paulina out the window?"

“Wouldn't have it any other way. Got any idea what you intend to say to her when she finds you?”

Danny paused. He pushed himself standing. “Maybe I could talk her ear off about NASA until she gets bored of me?”

“Excellent. Can I join? I have a lot to say about SpaceX and private capital encroaching on space exploration.”

“Does that apply to me? I’ve been to space. Am I private capital?”

“You’re not private capital.”

“Then what am I?”

“Annoying.” Sam locked arms with Danny, and dragged him along forward, her combat boots clunking against the rooftop. “And my friend. Come on. I’ll brief you on everything wrong with privately-owned space exploration while we’re rappelling down the side of the building with my sick and cool as hell grappling hook.”

“I can fly.”

“And I have a sick grappling hook. What’s your point.”

“It’s probably called a ‘Fenton Hook.’”

“Is that a Phantom Phact?”

Danny shook his head, and a smile pulled on his lips. “Nah. I think it’s a Fenton Fact.”