#people can add irrelevant shit in the tags. that's what the tags are for. why are you saying it in the loud part of the post | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fishing-lesbian-catgirl · 10 months ago

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genuine question: how can we use this website to be less annoying to others?

Glad to give my thoughts. Like I said, I’m very petty and most of this stuff probably isn’t as big a deal to most people. Anyway I’m bad at being brief so I added a readmore. Here are my personal rules:

1: Don’t add anything to the body of a post unless you have something that you really feel will add some degree of value, meaning, humor, context, or at least something to people further down the reblog chain.

This is the most important rule. Adding something to a post makes it longer, it makes it so everyone who reblogs it in the chain after you has to see it. If you have nothing to add but “wow” or “holy shit” you are lengthening the post for no reason. Those reactions can easily go in the tags.

This is also the reason I think gimmick blogs are so annoying. It’s one thing for a “heritage post” blog to reblog things related to its respective gimmick. Simply reblogging them puts that thing on their blog, so anyone looking at it or following them because they want to see “heritage posts” will see it. But they go a step further and add “X heritage post” for no real reason other than to brand the post as theirs.

When I see a post that I like that has useless additions that take up space while adding nothing I get mildly annoyed and go to the reblog of the person who reblogged it before they did just to trim the useless comments off. But if that person deactivated then I can’t trim the comment. Tumblr lets you trim to the original post without any of the additions regardless of if op is deactivated or not with the little X on the reblog menu, but only to the original post. It’s better than nothing though

This whole point is, to me, a bit of tumblr etiquette that makes it so you don’t have to see unrelated comments from someone you don’t follow just because they thought to add a pointless comment way up the chain. This definitely is petty, but if you remember how the old tumblr formatting worked, this was extremely important because each addition took up even more screen space with the line to the next persons url and squished the original post into smaller and smaller spaces. So that’s probably why I feel so strongly about it even though it doesn’t matter as much anymore.

2: The tags are mostly your free space to say what you want, BUT try and respect that OP will likely see them.

A LOT of communication done on this website is done through talking in the tags. That’s not what they were originally meant for but that doesn’t matter anymore. People will likely be looking in their notes to see tags by their mutuals.

The original poster can and will see every tag on a post, unless they delete the post or mute notifications. Mute notifications seems like it doesn’t work, but that’s because it only mutes future notifications on the post, the tags in your notes before muting will still be there regardless

This is to say that in most situations, if the op is someone like me who uses their notes to communicate with their mutuals and others in their communities, your irrelevant tags might also be there and annoy them. So use courtesy when tagging. Thankfully tumblr cuts off tags after a certain point on the notes page but still keep it in mind. I go overboard writing mini essays in the tags all the time, and while I do think that is a little annoying I do it anyway so I can’t blame people.

3: Keep blorbo tagging to a minimum if you can help it.

This is probably my most controversial stance, but blorbo tagging can be really annoying in certain circumstances.

The biggest offender to me are tagging make characters on posts about women. I don’t care that you think he’s your babygirl or whatever, I find this extremely annoying. I get it, sometimes a post fits your character really closely but the gender is wrong, but usually it doesn’t and they’re just doing this on any post even slightly related to a single aspect of a male character they care about. Often because most tumblr fandom people couldn’t be bothered to care about female characters if that was the only way to escape a saw trap alive.

There are other blorbo tag type things that annoy me, and again I’m a petty bitch, so take it with a grain of salt. But to me this one is a little personal (for lack of a better word). One of my first big posts on this blog was about wizard girls leaning in to kiss and having the brims of their hats get in the way. I didn’t mind the blorbo tagging about men that much, but they got less and less related to the post that it was annoying. The last straw before I deleted the post (back when I didn’t realize mute notifications actually worked. It might not have at the time) was a tag about their male blorbos leaning in to kiss and their belt buckles got in the way???

Idk I just find blorbo tagging in general mildly annoying and only do it when the post is an extremely perfect fit for on the characters I care about. I often block people for blorbo tagging about characters from things I dislike, I’m petty and the block button is fun for me to press, so I do that often. :)

4: NOT EVERY POST IS ABOUT YOU!!!

If you see a post that isn’t about you or your demographics or gender or whatever, you really don’t need to make it about you. That will very likely annoy op, especially because no one would have anything against you if you went and wrote your own post inspired by whatever the post in question said.

Not every post about lesbians needs to be made about gay men. Not every post about trans women needs to be made about trans men. Not every post about women needs to be made about men. And probably most important:

Not every post needs to be made about white people!

I know you might be thinking how writing something in the tags about your experience as a white person relating to what op is talking about, but I promise you they don’t want to hear it from us. They almost certainly are seeing tags from other white people because for some reason we can’t seem to see someone posting about issues of racism without having either the “I’m sorry for being white” or “white devils advocate” voices appear in our heads, just ignore it. Bite your tongue and reblog or move on for the love of god stop pestering the op.

Obviously the lesbian, trans women, and women ones are the ones I see in my notes that are annoying. But I can’t pretend I haven’t seen other white people say some really unnecessary shit in the tags / haven’t seen posts by nonwhite people who are clearly annoyed about how we always make everything about us.

Remember, you can always write your own post!

5: OP didn’t “turn off replies”

This feels like something that wouldn’t happen that often, but multiple times when I’ve made even mildly controversial takes about like video games or whatever, people will either add in a reblog or send me an ask complaining that I “turned off replies because I was afraid of hearing them disagree” usually followed by them calling me a coward. It’s very simple, I have reply settings so that people I follow and people who have followed me for at least like a week can reply, that’s it. I don’t have replies from everyone on because most people outside of those categories I don’t care about their opinions and they are annoying. If you can’t reply, that’s probably why. And if they actually did turn off replies, that’s because they don’t want replies, especially from people like the ones I just described.

6: I actually don’t have a problem with spam reblogging

This might seem backwards given my other stances on things taking up unnecessary space like useless comments, but I really don’t mind spam reblogs. I frequently do it when I see art I really like or when there’s a post that really resonates with me. Yes, it is annoying! No, I probably won’t stop. I do it so I can’t judge other people who do too. I am trying to keep it to like 5 times at most though, any more is just overkill.

7: OP is a stranger, not your friend

This one applies basically everywhere on the internet, but unless the person who made the post is someone who is like a mutual or someone that’s you’ve interacted with a lot before, they’re probably a stranger. Don’t try to be “playfully rude” or overly familiar. It’s annoying and weird and you will get blocked.

8: If you’re sending an anonymous ask, remember that OP is not going to take you in good faith most of the time

A lot of anon asks aren’t meant to be malicious, but a lot of others are. Bait, hate mail, insults, you name it, there’s a very good reason people like me assume every anon is sent in bad faith for some purpose. If you are going to send an anon ask, try to make it clear that you genuinely just want to ask a question and that you aren’t trying to trick op into saying something you can use to write a callout post against her or whatever.

You did that in this very ask thing and that’s why I’m writing out this long post instead of deleting it or letting it rot in the inbox.

9: Prev Tags etiquette / “Peer Reviewed” Tags

The usage of “prev tags” is controversial, a lot of people have different opinions on it. But with all the changes they made last year that made it harder to see the tags of the person before the person who’s reblog you are viewing, I think prev tags etiquette has changed.

My personal rules for prev tags are to copy the tags into my own tags, and then follow them up with a tag that says “<- prev tags”. Unfortunately tumblr tags convert dashes into spaces for some reason so it ends up looking like “< prev tags”. I’m stubborn and don’t want to like use an emoji arrow though. Anyway, tumblr mobile conveniently allows you to copy the tags of the person you are reblogging from surprisingly easily which I appreciate.

Unlike previous tags, which stay in the tags and don’t turn into an addition to the post, “peer reviewed” tags as they are sometimes called do get added to the post permanently for the remaining blog chain.

The unfortunate truth about this website is that some people have bad opinions on what qualifies as being meaningful enough to be cemented as an addition to the post via “peer review”. As such, the phrase “how could you leave this in the tags 🤣” has essentially become another “you sir have won the internet 🤣”

The shitty part about that is sometimes there are good and meaningful additions in the tags that are worth being added to the post as a whole. But you can add someone’s tags to a post without saying “how could you leave this in the tags”. Anyway this one is more subjective and hard to define so I hope I got my point across at least somewhat.

Anyway, there are probably a few other rules I personally follow that I’m not thinking about right now, but just follow general internet etiquette and try to keep in mind that op is a person who will likely read whatever you type, that covers most things tbh! Thanks for reading if you somehow read this far. Hope this helped! If it didn’t, oh well, I did try and warn you I’m petty and have strong opinions about things that usually don’t matter afterall

#Cordelia’s rules for blogging #anon ask #long post #long post.#we don’t stil need to add the . to make it not get filtered do we?

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dulcewrites · 2 years ago

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Considering Aemond is characterized as dutiful, perhaps religious, in the show, contrary to how he's portrayed in the books, how do you think the show runners will approach his relationship with Alys? Like, in the books he's more envious of the privileges Rhaenyra's kids have despite being unlegitimate, whereas in the show we can add to that the Faith's idea that bastards are evil, treacherous, whatever. So there's that. (And she even is RELATED to Lucerys, the kid he killed by accident. Something I liked but even if it was justified in his mind for his eye it was sorta underhanded, and his first kill, so I suppose it will affect him in some major way) (also not implying Alys cares about any Strong or alleged Strong at all, but I doubt this wouldn't cross his mind) Anyway, how will that even go? He's betrothed, he's dutiful (in a certain fucked up way), he's losing the Riverlands, he shouldn't fuck things up with the Baratheons, it'd offend then (in the books they were irrelevant in the long game lmao because Borros was such a shitty coward). She's a witch, a true bastard, doing base work. A romance sparkling? A babe? The level of respect he seems to show her, by the end? That seems too far fetched. They'd have to make Aemond spirall, or develop Alys really well (and even then it might be inconsistent) especially considering the screentime. They're will be many more important characters (Black allies) appearing in season 2, and Aegon, Jace, Baela, Mysaria will have more focus now. I just don't see how it could happen without it kinda sucking and either going oh he's forsaking it all or oh she's bewitched him. Because, again, screentime.

I will say, I feel like I might have said this before in the tags of something, but while I do think Aemond does take on the responsibility of following his mother’s orders. I don’t think his dutifulness is necessary natural if that makes sense. We see spurts of Aemond doing things he probably shouldn’t: going into the dragon pit in ep 6, going to claim Vhagar (which of course worked out by he always could’ve like… eaten or something lol), and the three strong boys speech right after seeing vaemond being beheaded for saying the obvious.

Also I think it is not hard for Aemond to look like the “good” child when he is mirrored against Aegon, the “bad” child. And Helaena, through no fault on her own or even Alicent’s most of the time, has a strained relationship with her mom. Then of course we don’t know how daeron is with them. We can assume by stuff in the book that he is well loved by everyone and his family. But he is not around at the moment. So yeah Aemond may have a special relationship with his mom but like… special to a fault.

I personally think based on how they set up the bastard situation for Aemond in s1, on top of some things ewan has said about characterization, I could see it being an actual love story. Not a love story without some strife ofc, but love nonetheless. To me much of Aemond (show Aemond’s) ire for Rhaenyra’s kids comes from how everything has spiraled for him mom, and of course his eye. Now I don’t think he is pro bastards (as a whole) by any means but considering the bastards he knows up until alys, I get why. To me they have painted it so far as less of a “these bastards have my or my brother’s birthright.” And more “these bastard (and their mom) put me and family through shit”. If anything we saw more of that energy towards his relationship with Aegon than the strongs. I think them having Aegon play a part in the bullying about the dragon was central to that.

Just bc he shouldn’t fuck things up… doesn’t mean he won’t. I think Alicent and Aemond are good parallels to each other. They are people who can take a lot on the chin, till they can’t. By the time alys and Aemond meet each other, this is what has happened in Aemond’s life

- he killed a kid (by accident in this context)

- that in a roundabout (daemon is a pos) way leads to his Nephew being killed and his sister going into a deep depression

-who knows how his relationship with will be with family

- his brother/brother’s dragon gets injured, he is asked to step in his place

Now I think all of these things mean he is not gonna be in the most… normal headspace. I think some paranoia about daemon is gonna seep in. Hence why I see them continuing with his attack on harrenhal. Ewan made some really interesting comments about unconditional love, and feeling out of place in his family at times. Idk just the overall tone gives off “but he WILL meet someone who gets that” vibes. It will change him. The same way getting Vhagar changed him.

This is so long winded I’m sorry. But as for how will they go about it. I personally like the idea of Aemond, insert quote ewan said about Aemond seeing enough, first being interested alys/sparing her bc he wants to know how he will die. Alys, thinking she is scaring him, tells him about battle above god’s eye. It all goes from there.

I don’t think much is far fetched with this show. They have shown they can give adequate time to things so we will just have to wait and see. Also I think just based on s1 it is safe to say the writers are intrigued by Aemond as a character. He will get his, and in turn so will alys 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀��

#since they are in the business of girl bossifying characters why don’t they cut back on mysaria screen time #by making Helaena get dresmfrye to eat her and daemon since they thinks it’s cute and fun to facilitate b&c 🤷🏽‍♀️#asks and requests

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secularprolifeconspectus · 1 year ago

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@a-really-big-cat sure, I can do that. Thanks for tagging me.

First, I want to respond to the original ask. Pro-Lifers very much do give a shit about zygotes and embryos before they start "looking human" (what does a human even look like? That is what humans are supposed to look like at that age! Babies don't look like adults etc; I digress.)

Dr. Calum Miller recently dropped an essay on why we prioritize ending abortion over reducing miscarriage. I'll add to his thoughts that preventing miscarriages would require enforcement via the State; we're interested in collectively preventing the interpersonal violence of abortion, not in policing women's bodies.

My question for you: do you think human embryos leftover from IVF should be destroyed? Pro-Lifers think they should NOT be, which is why embryo adoption agencies now exist.

Note to pro-lifers: this is a good example of why if we want to end abortion, we need to act like it is murder and RESCUE preborn people. You don't rescue an idea, you rescue people. It is in sacrificing for the preborn that they are rehumanized in the eyes of folks like this anon.

Second, to quote Smith, “[i]f the moral irrelevance of humanity is what philosophy teaches, so that we have to choose between philosophy and the intuition that says that membership in the human species is morally relevant, philosophy will have to go.” To quote Gorka, "we don't believe in personhood; we believe in persons."

Third: despite our rejection of personhood, allow me to indulge your demand for proof of it. I wrote an article using Harry Potter to explain how prenatal humans have personhood.

In short, any being with the inherent capacity for kinship with humankind has active relation with personhood. A human fetus is in the actual process of either attaining, retaining, or restoring the capabilities that make her a person. It is this continuous identity relationship that gives us personhood, from fertilization to death.

In other words: humans are always people in virtue of belonging to humankind, and the burden of proof rests on you to show how our metaphysical explanation is insufficient. YOU must prove why the preborn are the only class of humans exceptional to the rule that human beings are full and equal people to ourselves.

It's our rational conclusion that fetuses are human individuals entitled to freedom from violence.

You ignore the countless scientists who say that even if life begins at conception that personhood does not necessarily start then and that that is a discussion for the philosophers. Most prolifers clearly don't believe that personhood begins at conception given how they don't give a shit if the zygote dies before it starts looking human.

I don’t ignore those scientists. I reject their idea of personhood. The problem is you’ll claim life doesn’t start at conception and when you get proven wrong you change the goalposts and pretend you were arguing that they’re not people from conception and that’s logical fallacy.

All scientists will acknowledge it is a human life but what they don’t agree on is whether that human life has value.

But also I reject your claim that personhood is a philosophical concept. If someone is a human being they are a person.

Philosophers can argue about personhood all they want but you can’t use philosophy to argue that it’s ok to kill someone because the philosophical concept you subscribe to has decided they aren’t people.

You can find a philosophy that will justify anything you want if you look.

And I think you’re confusing pro-lifers with pro-aborts. You’ll are the ones who don’t give a shit about the death of a baby as long they don’t look human to you.

So what other human beings aren’t people and thus ok to kill, in your opinion?

#answers and submissions #hide

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edoro · 2 years ago

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Tags: "for maximum humor i need hunter to be COMPLETELY oblivious to the variety of crises of sexuality he's causing all of his friends to have it's not like he thinks he's UGLY he just doesn't really think of himself that way at all. his body is a tool he also happens to live in whether it's attractive or not is completely irrelevant to literally any part of his life or job so why would he care"

Oof. Ow. But yeah, that makes sense. Poor Hunter. D:

Kinda interested in this concept, tbh?

-🍀

oh thank you! i really love to consider Hunter's relationship to his self, both the abstract sense of self and also his like, physical existence, wrt his trauma.

he's just so... his whole thing is just so much about being used and dehumanized. he was literally made to be an object for Philip's use, and not even one of any like, objective significance - there were no big plans, he wasn't needed for the Day of Unity ritual (a headcanon about what a grimwalker might be for that i used to have), he literally just exists for no reason other than to be Philip's combination stress ball/teddybear/caretaker/whipping boy/brother replacement.

so like - he came into existence because Philip wanted him to, to fulfill his own needs. and then he was raised as a soldier, made into a weapon to fight on Philip's behalf, guard him, carry out his orders, etc etc.

and i think we get a lot of evidence that Hunter basically just occupies a series of roles that are expected of him. even just with s2e6 and s2e9, we saw that there was a very definite difference between Hunter, without the mask or uniform or weight and status of his rank, and the Golden Guard, Emperor's right-hand man. and at the end of s2e6, there's that very interesting bit where he comes right out of that audience with Philip where, remember, he gets verbally abused and then physically threatened, and then as soon as he sees Kikimora he puts on that Smug Little Shit persona and acts like everything is fine.

he switches roles so quickly, and is so able to just... push down and dismiss whatever emotions he's feeling. and then after Hollow Mind, when he abandons the role he's trained his entire life for, he's just an absolute wreck.

so like obviously he hangs a lot of his personality on that! it means so much to him, to be the Golden Guard, and what is that? it's whatever Philip wants it to be, basically. whatever anyone tells him he needs to be, because without Philip around he just immediately turns to Darius to validate him and approve of him and tell him what he needs to do to be worthy.

he just seems to have so little internal sense of self and rely so heavily on external validation and guidance. and i see him as someone who dissociates a lot, too, which i also think there's plenty of canon evidence for.

anyway, all of that adds up to seeing him as a person who has a very practical, utilitarian relationship with his own body.

(this is also, tbh, why i don't really vibe with the headcanon some people like that he experiences serious food insecurity - i know Amity called him 'scrawny', but, i mean, his character model doesn't bear that out, he just kind of Has That Vibe because he looks exhausted and unwell, and it just doesn't make sense for Philip to expect him to be a soldier and then also not feed him. sweet parkour tricks take a lot of calories!)

so yeah i just see him as someone who sees his body first and foremost as a tool. he exists to be a shield, a bodyguard, a weapon, a show of the Emperor's strength, etc etc. he exists to carry out orders, fulfill expectations, lead and succeed at missions. and like he's clearly very skilled at combat, and that takes a lot of practice - he's spent a very long time honing his body and his physical skills.

for some people this can lead to a deeper sense of connection with the body, but Hunter just seems so disconnected from himself in general, and again like, all of his trauma is so very much about being dehumanized.

(my headcanon of him as a csa survivor also plays into this - it creates further distance between himself and his body, is another situation where he separates his consciousness from his physical existence in order to cope. it's just another thing his body is for, another way that he exists for someone else's use and pleasure, and things like 'being attractive' don't factor into it - Philip might desire him and enjoy using him that way, but it's just one of his duties, that's all.)

so, yeah. my headcanon there is that he just doesn't really think of himself like that one way or the other. his body has certain needs - fuel, cleanliness, wound care, sleep - that he fulfills as necessary for it to keep functioning, so he can carry out whatever duties he's assigned. if it gets hurt or scarred, that doesn't matter. if it's hungry or tired, that only matters insofar as it interferes with his ability to perform his duties. what it's wearing or how it looks or how it's touched or seen or used doesn't matter except insofar as he needs to know what's expected of him in the current moment.

#hunter toh #dissociation #csa mention #the owl house #asks

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auramindedd · 4 years ago

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Thick Skull - SMAU*

Part 3

CorpseHusband x FemReader - Y/N

Desc: Brooke leaves, already making your day a little worse, but it gets better after streaming and playing some games with Corpse. Of course, with your luck, your day seems to be bad again when you read a bad comment and when you realize it’s came from someone who was your best friend.

Warnings: Cussing

Notes: i do go through all my comments so just know that you will be added to the taglist if you comment on a post or if you message me! :) also, my taglist for non-smau series/stories is just one taglist. you’ll be added to that one if you ask me to add you to the “non-smau taglist.” i only have two, it’s not individual for each series :)

i hope you guys enjoy!

and a quick question; if i made an smau series or even a non-smau series with an oc, would you guys enjoy that? i think i’d have fun writing that.

i’m also thinking of posting an smau series on my instagram so, if you want more, follow me there!

instagram: @/auramindedd

ah, one more thing b4 i post; i’m working on a non-smau post for “first meet” and for “talent.”

——————————————————————————

The streaming starts later that night. You’re honestly feeling so much better now that you’re with Corpse, streaming and playing Animal Crossing. You give him a tour of your island, insisting you hold his hand while doing so.

“I decorated a house for you,” Corpse gasps; the cutest thing you’ve heard besides his laughs, giggles, and chuckles. “I assumed you like black a lot so, I made it mainly black, grey, and white, but I made this little area where we can read books together. And it’s colorful.”

“Gosh, you’re so fucking cute.” He mumbles. You catch on, and unsurprisingly, so does the chat. “Thank you, Y/N, I like it a lot.”

You give him a tour of the rest of your island. Every now and then, you look at the chat as the two of you are walking around and doing whatever you can on your island. The chat is filled with people shipping you two, telling you how cute you two are and how cute you two would be together. Thank God for being faceless - they can’t see how much your blushing, especially with Corpse’s compliments and nicknames.

For another two hours, you two build more of your cottagecore village. You only built a little bit of it because you and Corpse were too busy helping animals get food and a house. The pigs are your favorite, especially the baby ones.

After ending the stream, you decide to head to Twitter and talk to some supporters. It’s something you like to do every now and then. It’s been harder because of how fast you’ve been growing, but you’ll never stop doing your best to talk to them.

You try to only get to the good ones, but of course, as an influencer, you’re going to get hateful DM’s. They’ve never bothered you, but one in particular really did hurt you.

You’d never be enough for Corpse. I don’t even know how you two became friends. It’s pretty obvious he’s using you for a publicity stunt, that way fans can think he’s dating someone. Let it get through your thick skull.

It came from someone who doesn’t even have their account fully made. Their username is still the default one Twitter gives you, but this DM still got to you. You sit in your bed, reading it over and over again, letting it get through your thick skull.

You don’t even know what to think of it. You’re starting to feel like it’s true. Though, this person is so irrelevant. They’re not someone you know, they’re not even someone that supports you, Corpse, or any of your friends. What business would they have in any of your guys’ lives?

Maybe Corpse is using you as a publicity stunt. The both of you have been getting a lot of attention recently because people have been assuming you two are dating. Corpse has been getting a lot more views on his videos with you in them and you’ve been getting a lot more views on your videos with him in them. Maybe people do believe you two are using each other for clout, but that’d never be the case.

Now, it’s starting to hit you. Why did it hurt so much when one person - that you know of - assumes Corpse is using you for publicity and clout? People have said that about you and Rae, Brooke, Sykkuno, and Ludwig, but it never bothered you so much.

You think it over and over, and you can only go back to one thing. You’re starting to catch feelings for Corpse and the last thing you’d want to know or find out is that he’s using you for clout.

It never occurred to you, that even though you have a smaller platform than the rest of your friends, being in Corpse’s videos/streams, and him being in yours, has really given you two a lot of attention and this could be the reason he’s still talking to you. You’re sure Corpse is not that type of person, he’s the sweetest person you’ve ever met, but with past experiences, you can’t rule that possibility out completely.

“Stupid fucking DM!” You shout, just wanting to get it out of your system.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Rae calls out.

“I’m fine!” You let her know before you literally jump in bed. You get a message from Austin, and as much as you don’t want to answer it, you do.

You make a mental note to change his name in your phone. You know it’s petty, but you just don’t feel like you have the same friendship with Austin as you did the day he came to visit you.

“Hey,” He greets after you answer the phone. His voice is hesitant and he’s being cautious, afraid he may say the wrong thing even after just answering the phone.

“Hi,” You greet back.

“Look, Y/N, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. I didn’t... I just don’t want to lose you. You and Corpse-”

“Please,” You sigh. “Don’t bring Corpse into this. He doesn’t need to be bought up in this. Whatever is going on between the two of us has nothing to do with him.” You realize how harsh your voice is and how protective you got over Corpse.

“It does because he made me get angry.” Austin defends himself.

“He didn’t do anything, A. You’re mad because you think we’re together or that we have feelings for each other. You made up some shit in your head, assuming whatever the fuck you assumed, and that’s what got you mad, not Corpse.” You can’t help being protective over Corpse.

Austin sighs, “Y/N, it’s pretty fucking obvious you have feelings for him and not for me.”

“Austin,” Right now, at this moment, you just want to rip your hair out. “You can’t tell me who I have feelings for and who I don’t have feelings for.”

“When will you get it through your thick skull that’s he’s using you, Y/N?” This hurts. Bad. Your mind goes straight back to the DM from Twitter and you immediately hang up on him.

You’ve lost your best friend, you can’t stop making up bad scenarios in your head about Corpse and how your guys’ friendship could end whenever you two start losing the attention, and you can’t help the tears that are spilling out of your eyes.

——————————————————————————

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*i update almost everyday*

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#corpse #corpse fic #corpse husband #corpse husband fic #corpse x reader #corpse x y/n #cute #corpse husband smau #corpse husband social media au

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randomlonelytorment · 4 years ago

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PSA FOR FANFICTION WRITERS

Alright look, I've been biting my tongue and biting my tongue but nothings going to change unless someone says it so I guess that someone's me.

Please do not take what I'm about to say as a personal attack if the following applies to you I'm not trying to cause offence or start arguments merely resolve a pet peeve which has affected me and many people whom I know who are agitated by this. So, without further ado:

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

If a story you have written does not involve a certain character you should not be including that character in your tags.

What do I mean by this?

I mean; if you have written yet another masterpiece for lets say (as an example) Loki x Y/n you shouldn't be then posting that fic under a Tony/Thor/Steve Rogers ect x Y/n tag.

If you have written a fanfiction for Draco Malfoy you do not then post said fic under the Fred Weasley tag.

If your story does not involve a relationship between two specified characters you should not be including that ship/tag in your tags.

I understand circulation of fics has been at an all time low as of late and it sucks but there's not much we can do about that. You cannot force people to read or reblog your work. Mis-tagging your work is not then the solution to this problem.

If anything that makes it worse.

There's many reasons why you shouldn't be including false tags in your work; not just because it's incredibly a-fucking-nnoying. But because not everyone is in love with the same character and some characters can be triggering or include triggering content. Even blocking certain tags isn't 100% effective if people are tagging their work which involves said triggering topic under a tag you love.

It is incredibly frustrating to have to sort through dozens of irrelevant fics, for characters or pairings you aren't interested in, when you're searching a tag for a character you DO want to read about. So please, for the love of everyone's sanity, stop mistagging your work.

Because I can guarantee we aren't reading shit if we find your fucking James Potter fic in the George Weasley tag. We aren't. Rather we're very frustratedly scrolling past your fic with a grumble of various curse words under our breath.

Stop. Doing. That.

Also, while I'm at it on my rant may as well quickly add:

CUT YOUR POSTS!

No one likes scrolling past a 4m long post in their timeline. Just think about it, have you ever in your life been excited to see that "Do you love the colour of the sky?" Post? No. You haven't. No one likes that shit. It is completely possible to cut posts both on desktop and mobile now so you have absolutely no reason not to.

If your post is over 1k words or NSFW it should be cut!

For anyone on mobile who doesn't know how to cut posts message me and I will HAPPILY tell you how. For desktop I'm afraid I can't help but I'm sure I can help find someone who does know.

It's all about consideration. As amazing as your story may be some people may not want to sit through a 5k fic or may not be comfortable reading NSFW. Not to mention there are minors on this app who don't need to be exposed to sex stories.

Please take these things into account when posting on this site. It's important for creating a harmonious environment for sharing, writing and reading fanfiction.

Never stop writing! You are so beyond brilliant and so highly appreciated for your work ❤

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ambelle · 1 year ago

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Thank you! To this day Bamon fans on Twitter are dragging Julie every time she opens her mouth. She actively traumatized black viewers. They’ll never understand what it was like. Always good to hear from fellow bamon fans who were there in the trenches watching the actual show runners and writers publicly say how irrelevant bonnie was and how killing her was no big deal. Like it was traumatizing to watch all these black characters brutally killed over and over and over. To come in OUR tag and say this other ship sharing looks and nothing coming of it is worse is like???? Y’all don’t know half the shit that went down on that show and its spin offs. I’m talking about them rearranging plots to add in slavery, I’m talking about onscreen lynchings, I’m talking about white characters treating the black ones like property and servants. And then having everyone gaslights the black fans and actors. Like… why try us like that is my damn question?

For what?

Like here’s a long as thread I made on twitter since people want to run their mouths making comparisons… while also claiming bamon scenes were lesser than some shared looks. Like what?

Anyway if they care so damn much about Kat they can read this

If they feel SydCarmy has better material cool but why are you doing this in the bamon tag? That’s all I wanted to know.

People really think it helps their ship to downplay Bamon. Like yes by all means block me because why are you claiming some random ship did XYZ better in the bamon tag? You couldn’t just do that in your shop tag bruh?

Just as full of shit as Julie Plec.

SydCarmy was not canon in a book series the show is based on. Syd’s actress is not being terrorized by showrunners and writers. The fandom isn’t currently calling Syd’s actress a monkey nigger on twitter. She didn’t have her coworkers and showrunner laugh in her face while she was on the verge of tears in videotaped interviews. Show me the videos of Syd’s actress crying her eyes out because her hair was mocked on set.

This is in no way the same situation. Not even close. Y’all were clearly not there .

Why do you have to downplay everything Kat dealt with, all the bamon scenes, and all the racist shit bamon fans dealt with in order to talk about your ship.

If the bamon fandom was still active y’all would have gotten cussed clean tf out.

FOH

#“which one was worse #oh idk maybe the one that was canon in the books #the one where the actress was so mistreated on set she quit the damn show #please

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julyarchives · 3 years ago

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Thicker Than Blood || (M) || Ch. 01

Growing up in a tough neighborhood had you learning to deal with hard situations, the occasion leads you to cooperate with the mafia organization that took care of your neighborhood - Pentagon. Looking after yourself and valuing your safety brought you to adapt to the moment, but the line between working for them and protecting yourself is very blurry when you are forced to live under their roof.

→ Pairing: Pentagon OT9 x Reader

→ Genre: Smut; Mafia AU.

→ Words: 2.2K

→ Contains: Mentions of Alcohol; Mentions of Violence.

→ A/n: So this is our Pentagon Mafia AU Series! This story will be multi-chaptered and we will add more tags as the story goes on, we have big plans for it! We hope you guys like it and it is worth the wait!

→ Index: 01 • 02 • 03

Chapter 01 - The Collectors

The cute jeans and red t-shirt you wore barely matched the bar you currently were on behind the counter. The place was quite nice but it was still too rustic for your liking, too brown and dark. Usually, the customers were rustic as well, and had a certain grumpiness to them, just like the place. You shrugged for the nth time while lost in thoughts. Working at a bar on a Tuesday night was the perfect situation for boredom, and bored you were.

Thinking back, you barely understood how you got the job anyway, walking in there one day to kick your friend's ass for drinking while you had a job to do with him and the owner liked your style. He needed someone behind the counter, you needed the money, it was perfect. You were rather young and sweet, you knew that often resolving some complicated shit and arguments in the bar but you also knew how to answer when needed and to take no one's shit home, you still stood up for yourself. Ok so maybe working at a bar was the perfect job for you.

Not wanting to dwell on how you wanted a better paid perfect job, you busied yourself by watching the entrance. It was Tuesday, so you've been kind of anxious the whole day waiting for them to show up. You almost gave your excitement away when two figures entered the bar and sat in front of you on the bar stools.

"Hello, boys. The usual?", you asked them with a bright smile.

"Please, Y/N".

"Right away", you chipped as you turned to get them their cold drinks. It'd be funny to see them drink a sweet cocktail instead of anything stronger if you didn't know them a bit better.

Wooseok and Yuto were young. Sweet and awkward boys that most older people liked and wanted to pamper. That's what you heard anyway whenever you spoke to the neighbors. You also knew they were attached to the hip, always together and always messing with each other. They had a third part to their best friend dynamic and you only saw him a few times at the bar, but you knew they clearly loved each other as brothers.

But that information didn't add up to the other information you had on the boys. The reason you expected them every Tuesday was because of their work. And that was what confused you. As every person in the region knew, there was only one force to respect and listen and that was the Pentagon gang. No, not a gang. It was straight down mafia business and these two cute young boys were their collectors. So every Tuesday they went out to collect the fee from every block and at the end, they'd crash at the bar to chat and drink something.

Seeing them every week made you realize how nice they were and quickly put the whole mafia business behind them. You, better than anyone, understood that you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. Since then, Wooseok and Yuto became more open with you and always brought back gossip when they had a good day. After all, mafia men were still men. Well, boys.

"Here you go, guys", you placed the drinks down and smiled sweetly.

"Thanks, Y/N", Yuto had a deep voice and it always managed to startle you.

"So, any gossip?", you chuckled and the boys followed, lowering their heads as if to share a secret with you.

"Guy from the butcher shop was working alone", Wooseok said, "caught his employee with his girl".

"No way!", you truly were shocked at the irrelevant news.

"Yep", he said while Yuto nodded. "Oh, and someone's trying to get inside our territory. We saw a warning at a wall, directed at us and, well, at all of you".

"What?!", you shouted and they looked at you like you just offended their entire family. You were confused. One, why were they telling you information that may be confidential? Two, how could they speak about something dangerous so casually?

"We have orders to let you know, actually", Yuto said as if he was reading your mind. "We know who these people are but not their faces. We thought maybe they'd start by frequenting a place where they can get more intel on our people".

"Here then".

"Hm, yeah", Wooseok nodded. "The warning only said to be careful who is loyal to us or the community would show us. We guess they want to turn people against us"

"More people, more money. An entire neighborhood against us wouldn't be controlled by usual methods. So, that's when you come in".

"If you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting, then no way". You were bold enough to talk back and they only raised their eyebrows at you.

"We only need you to be on the lookout for someone different", Wooseok clarified, "if there's at least one person asking the wrong questions about the community, you gotta let us know".

"Helps if we can identify a face", Yuto shrugged.

"Do I have a say in this?", you already knew the answer.

"As much as you do about our fee, Y/N".

"Fine. But if they come for me, I won't wait for your boys to come to rescue me. I'll bolt", you said with a sigh in defeat.

"You won't be alone", Wooseok said as Yuto typed away on an old phone. "You'll be getting a visit from tomorrow on, he's our shapeshifter, blends in wherever".

"If you have a guy like that, why put me to watch anyone?"

"Y/N", Yuto sighed and looked straight into your eyes. "We could burst into any safe house right now and do whatever we pleased with whoever was in our way. But we do value our community, that's why we got hold of this business in the first place. The bar is where everyone comes for information and you know that. Don't forget why you're behind this counter, to begin with. We need the bartender to do her job and chat with her customers as she does. The info will come to you".

"I-", you were starstruck and kept glancing from Yuto to Wooseok, hands on the counter. "I- this is the most you have spoken to me since we met". It came out accidentally and you wanted to slap yourself.

Wooseok laughed and Yuto smiled at you. You could feel the heat on your cheeks but only nodded to yourself, still processing everything. They finished their drinks in one big gulp and got up, Yuto nodding at you still with a cute smile on his lips, one that didn't match his previous words. Wooseok watched as Yuto walked out of the bar and chuckled at your expression that slowly was turning grumpy.

"I know you'll do just fine. It's not like us to put people in our business but to protect people, we need you", he was leaning forward, as if to make you see him and only him. "So, congratulations, you got promoted!", he laughed.

"Yeah, I'm the lookout kid", you definitely were grumpy now. "You need me to protect people but who protects me?".

"Me", Wooseok said a bit too fast. "I mean, Pentagon does. And you'll have the right company for that, don't worry. He'll be here tomorrow night".

Wooseok smiled at you again and turned away from you, leaving you to your thoughts. Why the hell was this happening? You got why this way was safer to find out who was behind the threat but you still were unsure. Well, it's not like you could say no without a valid reason. And apparently, your safety wasn't one.

You watched Wooseok leave and sighed. Getting their glasses to clean up, you kept thinking about all the things that could go wrong but also all the things that could go right. Part of you wanted to impress them and come out as a hero, it'd give you something else to do instead of just being the bartender. You laughed at the absurdity of it all and quickly shoved it all in the back of your head, deciding to let the future self deal with the situation and this guy who'd meet you tomorrow, slipping back into the boredom of a Tuesday night at the bar once again.

Laying on your bed, your mind raced nonstop and you couldn't sleep no matter how much you tried. Yuto's words kept coming back and you felt even more deflated each time. "Don't forget why you're behind this counter, to begin with". You knew your upbringing was shitty and you had to fend for yourself a long time but you honestly thought that it didn't matter much until now.

Your parents fled when you were eight. They had some issues with themselves and suddenly having a family became too much of a cage for them and they fled. They left you with your grandmother and never came back. Your grandma was a saint, she was sweet and loving but she was sick enough to not be able to work, so you toughen up and started bringing money home by twelve years old.

You smiled thinking about how she raised you with such care and love that you managed to get that trait from her even if the streets treated you like shit. You discovered soon enough that all the love your grandma had was all the love you could get because no one liked a little girl who put her hands on whatever she could find to sell and get hers. You met a few people while you grew up and managed to turn out just fine even if it bruised you more than you liked to admit.

When you were around seventeen your grandma passed, you thankfully blocked whatever memory you had of her suffering and only focused on her happy memories. Since then you got her small and simple house and got more involved in the community, everyone who respected your grandma finally understanding why you were a kid like you were. Fast forward a few years and you got the job at the bar and things got a bit better.

You got up from the bed and scoffed at how things were mostly shoved on your face enough that you had to go with the flow every time. Fucking Pentagon taking over the neighborhood when you were a kid and now this. You heard more than participated in the whole protecting mafia business when you were younger, but the situation wasn't strange to you. Getting around in the streets you knew things and the most important one was to follow the organization's rules.

When you were twelve and started to hit the streets, you knew very well to not mess with the men from the org. But also soon enough you learned that the best way to earn anything good was to be on their good side. So you started to run a few errands for them and earned a good amount. Of course, you had nothing to do with them but still, it was a good connection. You didn't know much about the members in the hierarchy but you were sure that no one from the time you were a kid was still in their ranks.

You were sure mafia business was very harsh and violent but the boss was too violent once upon a time and things got out of hand. The neighborhood they swore to protect was being targeted and they brought the fight to all people. Fortunately, it ended after a few months of much fear and blood around the streets and you heard they all changed members. Rumor had it that it was their kids that took over when the parents died during the more violent times, at least in the high ranks. But you had stopped tending to them a few months before it went down so you had no idea for sure.

You only knew that Pentagon had a hard time getting people's trust again and started a more gentle approach with the community, hence why Wooseok and Yuto were dear to some people under their wings. They went over to everyone who had helped them directly and formally thanked and apologized for their trouble. Of course, they still terrified people who walked out of line and when the community respected them again, it was clear they were in charge. But now it seemed like they only cared about their own business and getting richer with their schemes instead of getting involved in a bloody gun war.

You realized you were standing in the middle of the corridor getting lost in thought and laughed to yourself before finishing the path to the kitchen to get water. The cold water helped you calm down and soon you were too busy sitting on the couch looking for any silly reality show to get lost into.

Halfway through the episode, you felt the sleep taking over you but being comfortable on the couch made you just pull a cover you kept there over you and stayed there, falling asleep in seconds. It was a very rough and long day, so you welcomed the slumber gratefully. Little did you know that while you succumbed to sleep in the living room, your phone buzzed in your bedroom, a small text that should be completely out of line appearing.

We trust you to do this safely but count on me to help. -WS.

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kyluxtrashpit · 3 years ago

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Okay so I jokingly mentioned I have an entire rant on twitter and then people wanted to see it so I’m gonna crosspost here too cause why not

(Note: includes spoilers for Major Grom and Plague Doctor comics, has nothing to do with the movie. It’s regarding what I strongly predict will happen in volume 8, which comes out next week)

(Second note: I’m gonna tag this with ‘long post’ even though it’s behind a cut for the sake of mobile users to go blacklist literally right now if they’re not interested cause I included the relevant comic panels and thus it’s LONG sdklsdklsdks)

Anyway: why Sergey must be the one to personally rescue Oleg in volume 8, from a narrative point of view

In order for Sergey and Oleg's relationship, regardless of how you want to define it, to move forward with positive momentum, this /must/ happen. The narrative demands it in order to bring closure. Why? Well, let's get into it by analyzing what we have so far

1) While I do fully believe Oleg trusts and forgives Sergey (and I’m not gonna go into proof of that here, as others have before), there is a constant spectre hanging over them. A spectre in the shape of 5 bullets. We are reminded constantly of it, largely in the form of Sergey's guilt, which is something we haven't gotten any real closure on yet. Sergey believes himself only capable of destruction, which is literally represented using a picture of him and Oleg.

The rift in their relationship is why Sergey doubts himself. The lasting physical effects bother him as well and we are all but beaten over the head with it - Sergey can't forget and neither can we, the audience. Oleg, too, has to live with this, even if he has made his peace with it

In fact, his long term injuries are what cause him to be captured in the first place. This situation, from a narrative pov, is thus Sergey's fault - if not for the 5 bullets, it's implied Oleg could've won. But no, he's captured and tortured, because of what Sergey did

What Oleg does or doesn't think of that is honestly irrelevant; the narrative is what's setting this up as a direct consequence. Also, whether or not Oleg has forgiven Sergey is also irrelevant because Sergey hasn't forgiven himself. This is what the story has presented and thus what it needs to conclude.

2) We are all also aware that Oleg has rescued Sergey more than once, even when it was ill-advised. The first time, sure, there's some risk, but it’s still in the range of manageable. But the second time? Not only was it more dangerous, given all that was going on in the immediate aftermath, he’s also risking himself to rescue someone who shot him 5 times. Oleg is cautious; he keeps Sergey in a cell presumably until he feels safe freeing him, but he still did it. He planned it, had that place ready, faked their deaths, all of it. He did that after the 5 bullets

So Sergey isn't lying when he tells Lera they don't leave their people behind. Oleg has been there for Sergey before, rescued him no matter the dangers, continues to stay by his side, and even cares enough to make sure he sleeps. Given this, how could Sergey not be ready and willing to return the favour?

3) Every outside character who knows anything about their relationship believes it to be imbalanced. The mercenary, Altan, Vadim, and even Lera. They all say this, they all point out the 5 bullets, that oh, Oleg, why does he stay?

While they don't have the insight us readers do, this tension is here for a reason, especially coupled with the previous two points. Even if we know better, the narrative is offering us a kernel of doubt. Does Sergey really care? Will he go as far for Oleg as Oleg has for him? Did he really mean those apologies? Or are the others right? Even Oleg, although I do think he's lying to protect Sergey, says he has doubts. Vadim seems certain Sergey will come, yet still calls Oleg “Mr. Stockholm Syndrome”.

The equality of their relationship is continually called into question - why do that if it's not going to be resolved? Why play this 'will he, won't he' game if he won't? Why set us up for disappointment? If Sergey doesn't go, all of this will remain unresolved and their relationship can only get worse, not better. The spectre will never leave them alone.

(One note here: I believe most of these perspectives are from unreliable narrators, given what details they give and that their accounts conflict with what we actually see. But these perspectives are included for a reason – imo, so that Sergey can prove them wrong)

4) The other thing the narrative tells us is that Sergey can be impulsive. Yes, he's brilliant, frighteningly so, but it's Oleg that is constantly urging caution. Sergey is aware there are risks, yet he forges ahead anyway, restrained (sometimes) only by Oleg's advice.

Why would that change now? If anything, with how distressed Sergey seems to be, I'd argue he'd be even /more/ impulsive than usual because he's too emotional to think right.

And who's going to urge caution, if not Oleg? Lera? I doubt he would listen if she did and, to be frank, why would she care if Sergey gets hurt? She knows him primarily as the one forcing her into a situation that is having serious negative effects on her life. Her secondary knowledge is that he's a murderer and terrorist. Much as it's fun to think of them all having a friendly relationship, Plague Daughter and all that, that’s not where they are right now. She might from a logical point of view, just because it is very obviously a trap, but Sergey knows that - her saying it isn't going to convince him of anything. Even if she did try, I don't think it'd have any effect.

5) And lastly, Lera is absolutely not ready for this fight. This isn't some regular asshole on the streets; Vadim is a professional killer. He beat Oleg in a fight and, even with his injuries, we all saw the kitchen fight. We know what Oleg is capable of. I love Lera with my whole being and she is a badass, but she's not ready for this. She had trouble with Kamenny, who honestly may have let her win under Altan's instructions.

Even still, Vadim is MUCH better and, much as Altan wants PD alive, I don't think he much cares in what condition. Best case scenario is that Lera gets captured too, and Vadim likely wouldn't hesitate to kill her, and then Sergey has to go himself anyway. Lera may come to help, but Sergey needs to be there. If Sergey really is better than Oleg at present, he's the one who needs to fight Vadim (with a plan, obviously, and maybe some extra backup).

In conclusion, all of this comes together to say one thing: Sergey needs to go. He needs to prove to himself, to the audience, and most of all to the narrative that no, this relationship isn’t one-sided, and that he will go as far for Oleg as Oleg has gone for him. The narrative made this a big point of tension, insisted upon it, beat us over the head with it, and now has teased at Sergey’s opportunity to put up or shut up. It has to be Sergey, both practically because Lera isn’t ready yet, and in order to be a satisfying story. Because if he doesn’t, that tension isn’t resolved. His guilt will only grow after failing Oleg once again, despite Oleg sticking with him through everything, and it would have been by his own choice, not because of the Bird’s influence or anyone else. He will know it. Oleg will know it. We will know it. And their relationship can only sour from there. There will be no more possibility for positive momentum, only negative.

As a last point, I will also say that I’m aware my anxieties may be unfounded. These creators do seem to legitimately care about these characters, telling a good story, and satisfying the audience. But I’ve been burned by pieces of media where that is not the case, so it’s hard for me to trust and not doubt, even with creators who have, so far, not let me down lmao.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my tedtalk, I’m sure I missed something I would’ve liked to add but holy shit this is absurdly long already sdklsdklsk so uh bye ✌️

#serovolk #сероволк #sergey razumovsky #сергей разумовский #oleg volkov #олег волков #чумной доктор #plague doctor #bubble comics #meta #hey everybody friendly reminder I was a meta writer before I wrote fic skdlsdksld #lmao anyway enjoy... whatever this is #my cats have heard it enough times and twitter has been spammed to hell with it #so now it's your turn tungle friends!#shut up nerd #text #long post #major grom

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queen--kenobi · 2 years ago

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Okay I put this in a really fucking cunty way but.

OP can see your comments, tags, and replies. The OP can see everything on a post, as can anyone in the notes provided they’re not blocked by someone in them. I personally feel weird about replies because it feels like I’m part of a conversation that I shouldn’t be in, but I know that’s a me thing

The BIG thing is tags vs comments

If you don’t know the OP and the OP is not trying to start discourse or some sort of discussion. You put any and all comments in the fucking tags. You can ramble on about any kind of shit you want in the tags, I don’t fucking care. You can write an essay about something entirely unrelated to the post, and you know what? As long as that shit is in the tags, it doesn’t matter!!!

You do not put that shit in the comments. Actual comments are reserved for: fics, art, and something relevant to the post. Humor does count as relevant, that’s fine. That’s good, actually. Genuinely funny additions are the fucking lifeblood of the site

I saw a post say that tags are your inside voice and comments are you talking to everybody else. That’s it. That’s the vibe. Unless you are adding it for the benefit of others, that stays in the tags

Perse, you might ask, why does it matter?

In the grand scheme? It probably doesn’t. Right now? It matters because I’m pissed off because y’all are getting too comfortable adding asinine irrelevant comments to posts. I know there are a lot of twitter and tiktok people on here who feels they have to add something when they reblog. You don’t. But if you feel you have to, guess what? That shit goes in the tags unless it is directly relevant. No one wants to see an essay of an opinion about fried rice when the post barely mentions fried rice. If you have something useful or genuinely funny, that’s fine to add in the comments. Otherwise? That shit goes in the tags

Thank you for coming to my very cunty and probably gatekeepy TedTalk

Y'all. Y'all know you don't have to comment on every post to consider it worthy of a reblog, right? Y'all know you can leave it in the tags unless you're specifically adding something relevant, right??? Y'all know unless it's fic or art, it's generally frowned upon to add comments unless it adds depth or humor to the post. Right? Right???

#Persephone speaks

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lilyclawthorne · 3 years ago

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Keeping Up A-fear-ance's Thoughts

I finished writing this shortly after 3 am after watching the new episode like three times because I simply had too much energy about it and I have so many thoughts because I simply live for clawthornes and also I tried to break it up with more photos this time sorry not sorry if it's a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

YOUNG EDA!! let me just say I am quite a fan of opening with a flashback like we've done here and the last episode

"we have never seen a curse like this before" Lilith you had shit luck picking out curses huh

"cut it out if we have to" goddamn Gwen let'a calm the fuck down a bit.

anyways we've only really seen young Eda as a wild and confident and happy little child so I appreciate seeing this side of her with the anxiety and fear she's feeling here. I love seeing what the curse stuff was like for her as a kid

Gwen: I raised a perfectly fine kid

Me: no you didn't look at her she's got anxiety

I'm guessing this is their backyard or just some woods behind their house?? wonder if the portal was placed there by another elder family member.

lmao I can't even begin to imagine what small Eda experiencing the human realm was like for the first time

Gwens giving me "I can't accept that my child is disabled/chronically ill/etc." here. y’know the kinda parent that'll put their kid through hell over something they probably will find a way to learn to live with (which Eda did do)

ok that's it I humbly request to know the story behind the fang now (also the noise she made when she put it in was freaking cute)

new dress! new boots! new dress! new boots!

..yikes that fridge is empty

"calm down the curse acts stronger when you're stressed" Eda do you know who you're talking to here

confirmation losing limbs is in fact a side effect of the curse!! (y'know since Eda originally said it just happens when you get older)

please I love these sisters they're so sweet and make me wanna go 🥺

"suddenly curious about my past" "always. always curious" Luz says exactly what we all think

witchlet?? sweet flea?? she's got pet names for them 🥺 (although idk how much I'd like to be referred to as any kind of flea sorry Lilith)

ok Gwen is very much not close to what I expected and I'm kinda grateful for that

she's more like super caring but still managed to royally fuck up which was my original head canon for clawthorne parents so uh that's cool. but literally, look at their body language, Eda's pissed, Lilith's sad and making herself small. she's clearly messed up with her parenting on both of them along the way.

"who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" mama clawthorne would be a fucking anti-vaxxer wouldn't she

ok I side with Eda here more than Luz and Lilith. just because Luz misses her mother, or Lilith hasn’t seen their mom in so long doesn’t mean Eda has to feel all grateful for the presence of Gwen, especially if the woman has caused her a lot of trouble over the years

I feel like the fact that its actually both Lilith and Gwendolyn have spent their whole lives dedicated to trying to find a cure could probably have held some kind of weight on Eda at some point. Even though she shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for that, I still feel like it's gotta suck knowing these people have spent so much time on something you know is likely never gonna happen, all for you.

Lilith 😞 her mother really just didn't pay attention to her all these years

hey if this guy does some next level healing magic then why isn't he more well-known, huh? why’d it take so long to come across him?? Gwen do you know what the fuck you're doing cause I think you don't

Lilith just because you're depressed about your mom doesn't mean you have to bring king down too 😠

SUPER irrelevant but is anyone else just bothered by the way Lilith is holding her spoon?? that doesn't seem like a comfortable way to hold a spoon. also is she left handed??

"knife season came early" EDA WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. is this a boiling isles things or is this a it’s common for people to throw knives at you thing

also I want to be surprised Eda fell for the apple blood signs but I am not 😔

Luz please trust you're gut on this one and not mama clawthorne

ok now I need to know why the fridge was empty but they had 18 cartons of ice cream this is why you guys don't have food you're wasting it all on ice cream.

wow never thought I'd see the day hooty became the voice of reason

also, night market ice cream?? are they implying this ice cream is like, edibles of some sort?? Lilith does seem kinda high here ngl. idk man but at least she wants to stand up for herself so good for her.

PLEASE kings just offering her ice cream while she transforms

"first in a series" Gwen honey oh no. you've been duped. I think we can see where Lilith got her naïveté from huh.

Also, nice snatch Luz 😊

anyways love how this show is basically making fun of moms who refuse to give their kids proper medical treatment or listen to medical professionals here

EXCUSE ME why do we know Gwen's palisman's name before we know Lilith's?????

"I am a mother who'll do anything for her daughter" you're mom who's suffocating obsession with one daughter has left the other neglected and is currently causing her to turn into a full on beast ya dummy

Eda DOES have a right to be upset. it sucks that her own valid emotions that she should get to feel will cause her while body to betray her.

PLEASE I’M SO GLAD LILITH’S BEAST DESIGN LOOKS LIKE HER AND IS NOT THE THING FROM THE TRAILER THAT IS ACTUALLY IN EDA"S HEAD WHEN SHE’S TRANSFORMED

but also why is she SO massive?? also anyone concerned that this is her first transformation and the light glyph trick wouldn't even work??

Gwen look at what you've done, you've fostered feelings of inferiority in one daughter causing her to feel the need for sibling rivalry that the pure instincts of the raven beast cannot suppress no matter how much their sisterly relationship had improved.

HOW COULD YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER ALSO BEING CURSED BE A PART OF THE PROCESS GWEN??

"after Eda was cursed, I joined the beast keeping coven" woah woah WOAH. you're telling me you only joined because of trying to help Eda. that covens existed, before Eda got cursed, and you very much weren't a part of one. combine that with "some words for belos" she has and do I smell wild witch theory still plausible???

anyways at least mama clawthorne is getting some sense into her head here

Morton c'mon help a girl out, that's some dang good art too what the heck dude

ok fine mama clawthorne to the rescue

no pls not raven beast Lilith crying im crying now

Gwen: I raised a fine and self-sufficient child

Me: no you didn't look at her. she's got, SO MUCH.

GODDAMN THATS SOME POWER. ngl this only adds fuel to the fire in my head that there was some kinda reasoning these sisters were torn apart, that someone felt they'd be too powerful together (and they were probably right)

"I heard you but I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't do anything" may be just because she's not used to the curse but again part of me is concerned that because she couldn't pull herself out of it even a little bit like Eda did that there's something wrong there. but she also could've been stressed beyond reasonably calming herself down too.

ok but this is sweet

NOOO im so sad Lilith's leaving :( I literally cried ok

"you lived here?" fine OKAY king that was hilarious even if im sad about this

"reconnect with dad" excuse me where the fuck has this man been in the middle of all of this. curse shit is going DOWN and he's just chilling at home.

I am curious about people's thoughts regarding the whole Lilith regression thing and the fact that she's literally going to be living with her parents again. I feel like it could help nurture that inner child she's been reverting back to and help her out a LOT. but I could also be concerned about it feeding into the regression and making it worse?? idk and this show probably ain't getting that actually deep into psych anyways

"some day my hair is gonna be big enough to do that too" Luz I cannot wait for the day. also mood, I wish I could do that too.

alright who's holding the fucking pen for hooty we need a volunteer RIGHT NOW so we can remain in contact with Lulu

NOT THE ONLY HUMAN? my bets on the real azura rip never mind she said he

Titan’s Blood?? interesting. If the blood of the titan is around I wonder what that means regarding the titans existence, and how long its been since the titan fell.

AHH BABY LUZ PHOTO

ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?? They're really gonna spring that on us like this??? Camila's gotta notice somethings wrong right??? Unless any differences she just chalks up to the camp?? oh god :(

well, anyways lumity shippers come get yo juice next weekend

anyways im gonna need to add a NOT canon compliant tag on that one Gwendolyn fic I wrote because it definitely do not comply anymore

#toh #the owl house #owl house #keeping up afearances #keeping up a-fear-ances

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perriewinklenerdie · 5 years ago

Text

One step forward, two steps back (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Open Heart, Ethan Ramsey x MC

Author’s note: Hello, hello, hello! OPEN HEART IS BACK! CAN YOU HEAR ME CRYING. That chapter killed me and filled me with so much ideas and will to write that... damn, PB, well done. It's the first diamond scene with a bit (a lot) of changes and it's from Ethan's perspective cause that's what I do I guess.

AO3 link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22992799

Tag list: @paleweasels , @lilyofchoices , @hopelessromantic1352, @kittykatchoices, @valiantlychaoticbarbarian , @radlovedreamer , @usuallyamazinglyaverage, @palestazure, @cordoniaqueensworld, @universallypizzataco, @princess-geek, @faithhasnowords, @mightyfangirlofthefandoms, @drakewalkerfantasy, @timmagicktoad, @laceandlula, @greywitchyshots, @llamasgrl, @gingerjane15, @bucket-harrington , @marywrites-things , @ethanplaysfavorites , @mfackenthal , @betelgeusebee , @simsvetements, @i-only-signed-up-for-fanfiction, @buzz-bee-buzz, @owleyes374, @cora-nova, @aworldoffandoms, @l822, @cream-ray, @ughhhxjazzy, @silverlitskies, @justendlesssummerfeels, @togetherwearerapture, @desmaranj, @edgiestwinter, @friedherringclodthing, @daisy-ashton, @waytooattuned, @choicesgremlin , @lapisreviewsstuff, @the-soot-sprite, @writerapprentice, @chasingrobbie, @choicesobsessedd, @cassiusownsmyass, @x-kyne-x, @thisperfectmemory, @drakewalker04, @rookie-ramsey, @jlynn12273, @thepinknymph @dr-brianna-casey-valentine, @a-i-n-a-a-s-h Enjoy! <3

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He could list about five reasons for which he went to Donahue’s that night. All of which were irrelevant, and he knew it damn well. He just came back, he should be sleeping, he should be home with his dog. He should be staying away from Edenbrook.

He should be staying away from her.

Lying would get him nowhere. If he didn’t believe himself, why should anyone else? People that didn’t know him thought it was very noble of him to sacrifice two months of his life to help people in the Amazon, and he would only nod slightly to avoid talking, because he knew that the second he opened his mouth, truth would fly out. Deep down, in the middle of the night when he was alone with himself and his thoughts, he knew that the only reason he went away, the only reason he decided to help all those people, as bad as it sounded, was to put as much distance between Claire and himself as he could. It wasn’t noble. It wasn’t admirable. It was cowardice that led him to his decision, and he felt ashamed.

Reggie looked surprised only for a split second upon seeing him walking through the door, but that was substituted with a wide grin as he greeted his old friend. Ethan couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but there was something unusually smug in the way his friend was smiling at him. Like he knew something Ethan didn’t and he was impossibly proud of that.

“You have that weird glint in your eye and I’m pretty sure you’re up to something.” He searched Reggie’s face for any crack that would reveal what was happening, but he gave away nothing.

“You’ve been away from civilization for too long and you’re seeing things, Ramsey.” He cackled, slapping his hand against Ethan’s shoulder blade, then went back behind the bar. “The weather is nice, you should sit outside.”

He followed the advice, sinking back into his own mind. He did that quite often lately, an escape from the horrific images that would haunt him for years to come. The only problem was, the second he closed his eyes to take a deep breath and ground himself with something, she was there. He ran away to forget about the feelings that swelled in his chest, that threatened to overflow and drown him, and yet every time he paid attention to his thoughts, she came right back to him. He got better at ignoring her over the weeks, and now, he only thought of her a couple of times during the day, save it for the countless nights with her as the main character in his dreams.

He wondered, from time to time, if he would ever get over her. If he would ever leave behind the pull that he felt every time he so much as thought of her. If he would ever forget the feeling of her lips against his. Forget the feeling of her body pressed against him, wrapped around him, moving against him. Her laugh rang in his ears, her voice followed him wherever he went, and he was ready for the torture to be over and not able to get enough of her at the same time.

It was late in the night, and the bar wasn’t as packed as he expected. People talked, music flew from the speakers and the air was significantly colder than he remembered it to be before he left Boston. The moment he took a step outside into the beer garden, he knew why Reggie was so smug. The reason was right there.

He heard her. He saw her.

Hushed voices flew in the air and suddenly five pairs of eyes were locked on him, observing him with curiosity in most cases. Only one pair of eyes was different. The green filled with surprise, confusion and underlying pain that he knew damn well he caused and that stung him more than he expected.

He knew this would happen eventually. Sooner or later, he would come face to face with her and would have to see how much his plan worked. In an ideal world, he would be cured of her and would be able to work with her like two colleagues that they were. But this wasn’t a perfect world, and they were only people.

And he still gave a damn about her.

The only way to the other side of the bar was to pass by their table, and he knew he had to at least greet her, even if only to keep appearances up. Nothing was amiss, nothing was wrong, just a bunch of Doctors that had a free evening and ran into each other.

Which was very obviously a lie and everyone, including Ethan, knew that. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try.

Their eyes meet for the first time in two months and he knows, right in that moment, that he’s still a goner. He’s still so tangled with her, so lost in her that the chances of saving him were slim and getting smaller every moment that passed. He could feel his throat closing, breathing got hard and the back of his eyes stung when he realized that he might as well fall apart right there, in front of everybody. He had to get this over with and get away from people. Try to get away from her.

Again.

Clearing his throat to at least try to regain some control over his voice, he hesitated before speaking. “… Rookie.”

Her eyes flash with familiarity and her lips curl into the smile that knows so well. His heartbeat accelerated like it always did, and, like always, it drove him mad. “It’s good to have you back, Dr. Ramsey.”

She probably didn’t mean to poke him with his title, to remind him what their situation was. She definitely wasn’t aware of why he went away, and why he dreaded coming back almost as much as he anticipated seeing her again, despite how much he tried to deny it. Her face didn’t give anything away, but he knew her well enough to notice a shadow pass her eyes, revealing that she caught onto something in him that didn’t add up.

“Yeah… good to be back.” He muttered, his gaze still locked with hers, even though he knew he should severe the eye contact before it gets suspicious. Hesitation takes over his mind as he argues with himself. Finally, he shakes his head slightly, blinks twice and breathes deeply. “Doctors. Enjoy your night.”

Leaving the group behind, leaving Claire behind, he walked back to Reggie, his expression fixed into a careful scowl. He saw him and as soon as he connected the dots, he started laughing. Ethan fell into the seat by the bar, his fingers drumming against the flat surface restlessly.

“She really got you, that Claire of yours.” Reggie mused, stating the fact rather than asking, and one look at his friend confirmed it.

“She’s not my Claire�� she’s not mine.” he clarified, and it nearly broke him. His friend nodded, then grinned at him again.

“Oh, I know. But wouldn’t you like her to be.”

“I-“ he trailed off, nursing the drink that Reggie placed in front of him, opting for talking with him instead. There was too much to unpack, too much to explain when it came to Claire, so the prospect of a simple, not complicated conversation seemed like heaven to him.

Further down the bar, he saw Dr. Thorne. He saw enough to know that the man was a scumbag that didn’t deserve to be touched with a stick, but he was a good doctor, and while he didn’t agree with him outside of the hospital, in the work environment, he had to endure his presence. It seemed as though he found himself a new victim that night, because the girl he was talking to looked uncomfortable and, if he had to guess, was getting angry with every word that Garrett spoke and that Ethan couldn’t hear. His hand touched her back and suddenly she grabbed it and slammed it onto the bar, the crack resounding in the air. A scream followed and the plastic surgeon shoved her onto the ground, the sound of the glass breaking reaching his ears. Ethan shot up to go help the girl, when a blonde woman stepped between them, holding her hands up to shield herself from any incoming punches.

“Hey! Easy!” she spoke up, loud and clear, her voice steady. Claire looked at Dr. Thorne like she was about to murder that man on the spot, and Ethan didn’t like how his mind reacted when he realized how close to getting punched she got. He started walking towards the commotion, more and more words reaching his ears.

“… charges! Do you know how much I’m going to sue that bitch for?” he exclaimed, waving his good hand around.

“Garrett. That’s enough.” He heard his own voice, seething with anger, dangerously low. Claire’s eyes shot straight to him, surprise flashing in them, followed by a tender sliver that warmed the green of her irises. He turned away from her and scowled at their colleague, his hands curling into fists. “You still got one good hand, don’t you? Put it to good use and call yourself a cab.”

“I don’t give a shit what you think, Ramsey. You think you can tell me what to do? You get lost, come back and think you call the shots around here?” Garrett sneered, spiting the words in Ethan’s face. He had to stop his hand that itched to punch some sense into his thick skull. In his peripheral vision he could see Claire grabbing grain alcohol and a clean rag, then running out the door to chase the girl.

“If you think you can be an asshole cause you have lines of people that give their faces into your hands, think again. I don’t care what goes on in that stuck-up head of yours, you acting like a scumbag doesn’t do right by me.” Ethan kept his voice low, fully aware of all the other doctors that they both worked with, now having their attention focused on the two of them. “Get your things and call yourself a cab before I decide I no longer care and take care of you myself.”

“I’m so scared of you I’m about to cry. As I said, I don’t give a shit what you say. You can boss around that bitch of yours but I’m not your lapdog, Ramsey.” Garrett sneered, a cruel smirk crossing his features. Ethan felt his blood boil as he heard him disrespect Claire and it took all his self-control not to beat him till he was black and blue. He did the next right thing, grabbing him by the lapel of his jacket and dragging him outside. He waved down a cab, his grip on the man vicelike.

“You’re so disgusting, I’m not even going to dignify you with a response. You treat women like trash, you’ll be lucky if no one presses charges.” He opened the door of the car, threw him in and sent him off with a look of disgust. “Get your shit together.”

He slammed the door, putting a barrier between him and Garrett, and finally taking a breath. He never liked the man, and now all he felt when he looked at him was utter disgust. He walked back in and saw Claire already inside, explaining the situation to her friends. His gaze lingered on her for only a moment before he walked to the bar and took a seat. He could very dimly hear Reggie calling out to his customers that he was about to close and that they needed to leave.

“What? Last call doesn’t apply to you?” he heard her voice, calling out to him from the other side of the bar. He let the silence ring between them for a split second before answering, keeping his eyes on the glass in his hand.

“Reggie and I go way back. We have an arrangement.”

“An arrangement? Is that what you call a friendship?” her voice was filled with warmth and he didn’t have to look at her to know that she was smiling. He allowed himself to smile too.

“I don’t have friends. But…” he didn’t think his next words through. “… I wouldn’t mind you joining me if you were so inclined.”

He definitely didn’t think this through.

He let his guard down and he was sure that there would be hell to pay. What was he even thinking? He should be staying away from her, not drawing her in.

She told her friends she would stay behind and talk to him about tomorrow. And he was sure she meant that, just not in a way that was safe for both of them. It sounded simple, and yet it had danger written all over it, because there was no way of knowing how much his self-control could take before he breaks again. He felt her more than he saw her, sitting down in a seat next to him by the bar.

“Rook- er, Claire. Sorry. Force of habit.” He bit his tongue, the nickname lighting a familiar warmth in his chest before he realized that she’s not a Rookie anymore. She’s a resident now. His colleague. And he is her boss.

They were so screwed.

She ran her eyes along the lines of his body, taking in his new clothes, nodding her head towards the jacket. “We’ve got ourselves a brand new Ethan Ramsey.”

“This jacket’s been through a lot with me.” he mused, running his thumb along the seam of his sleeve.

“I have to say, that jacket is nice. It’s good to see a more laid-back side of you. You seem more… relaxed. You can mix it up with that sweater of yours. I liked it, it was soft to touch…” she trailed off, biting her lip as she looked down, the meaning obvious and clear. He cleared his throat, shaking his head.

“Duly noted. And the beard?” he probed her for answers, subconsciously trying to find out what she preferred. He realized what he was doing only after he asked the second question, and he could hope that she didn’t catch onto that, but her smirk was enough to tell him that she knew. And she enjoyed it.

“It’s a bit too long, but I like it.” she mused, her fingers flying to his jaw and tracing the line of it with the tips of her fingers. Her nails scraped against his skin slightly and the shiver that ran all over his body almost ended him, right then and there.

“I’ve gotten used to it. I can trim it, I suppose.” He wondered out loud and she grinned, her cheeks rising. They watched as the last of people left the bar, leaving only them and Reggie. Ethan looked around them, and then turned to her with an idea.

“Why don’t we move outside? It’ll be winter before we know it. Might as well enjoy the weather while we can. Want something to drink?”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” She nodded towards his glass and he grinned, the situation bringing back the memories.

He reached over the bar, grabbing the half-drunk bottle of scotch. Ethan called out to Reggie to let him know that they’re borrowing it. He knew his friend long enough to know that he wouldn’t mind.

Claire walked alongside him, both of them silent, taking in the peace and tranquility of the beer garden. He sat down by the fire pit, ensuring they were both warm, looking at the flames, climbing up in the air. She took a place next to him, their bodies pressed against one another slightly, just enough for them to feel each other’s heat. His breath caught in his throat, his pupils dilating as he felt the soft scent of her perfume.

“I can see why you like it here.” She muttered, watching the lights flicker above them. He grinned, knowing that his prediction was right and that she liked it too.

“Because nobody’s annoying me?”

“More or less. It’s peaceful.”

Silence covered them like a thick blanket, and maybe in the past he would find some comfort in it, but now, it felt suffocating. There once was a time when he was so comfortable with her that nothing else had ever felt this easy. Those times were behind them, but damn him, how he wanted to go back in time.

“So. This Dr. Thorne guy. Should I be worried about him?” she asked, leaning onto the table to while looking at him. He knew why she asked. After the trial she went through last year, he expected her to be cautious. She learned her lesson the hard way, but then again, so did he. They were the same, in that and many more ways. That’s why he restrained himself from punching Thorne. Nash was a problem enough, and Garrett was the same type of an asshole. No matter how much he wanted to beat him up for what he said and did, he knew that he shouldn’t.

“He has some influence. Just stay out of his way for a couple of weeks and he’ll entirely forget who you are.” He advised, mirroring the way she rested her head on her palm, making their eyes meet.

“But not who you are. Should you be worried?” she sounded almost like she was worried about him, and almost immediately he knew that she most likely thought it was her fault he had to get involved.

“I’ve worked too hard to get where I am to give a damn what someone like him thinks.” He scoffed, his blood boiling as he recalled what happened just thirty minutes ago. Knowing she had no way of knowing what went down, he moved on. “Don’t think twice about that asshole. What you did back there, helping that girl? You did the right thing. That’s all that matters.”

“We both know that’s not true.”

“Hrm. Well, it should be.” He stated, then felt a wave of pensiveness washed over him, making his entire body ache. “You’re too young to be a cynic like me.”

“I’m not being cynical. I just learned my lesson. You saw what happened last year. I almost lost my license for breaking the rules to help Mrs. Martinez.” Pain twisted her features, she curled her fingers inwards, digging her nails into her palms. He saw her do it multiple times in the past, but never saw it from up close, and now that he had her hands only inches from his own eyes, he could see crescent marks in a line across her palms. His hands itched to reach out to her, to run his fingers along her skin, to kiss her scars away, knowing painfully well that he couldn’t.

“The lesson there is that if you put patients first, you’ll always be vindicated in the end. That’s the lesson. What you did just now was brave. You’ve always been brave in the face of the disaster and death, of course…” he trailed off, thinking back to how much death and pain she had to see and how much of a toll it took on her. “But it’s different when you’re facing down a superior. To stand up to them for what’s right.”

She smiled brightly, nudging him with her hand slightly. “It’s not as brave as venturing into the depths of the Amazon to fight an epidemic, that’s for sure.”

That felt like a knife, pushed into his chest up to the hilt, and when she smiled at him again, the knife got twisted. He knew damn well why he left, and it had nothing to do with bravery. She probably admired him for it, and he was about to shatter that image of himself in her eyes. Looking back down at his drink, he managed to choke out. “… That wasn’t bravery.”

Surrounded by the air that was getting colder by the minute and the country tune that flowed slowly from the jukebox, he could almost hear the gears turning in her head as she tried to decipher what he meant by that.

“Ethan…” she breathed shakily, sitting up straighter, trying to seem like she had it all together. She didn’t, he could see right through her. He recognized all the symptoms of falling apart, and he knew them so well because he’s been through it all. Actually, that was a lie.

For the past two months, his life has been nothing but a series of symptoms of longing and pain.

“Why didn’t you keep in touch?” she only needed to ask one question, and he was no longer able to survive what was about to happen. She was hurt, she felt abandoned, and she wanted answers. Hoping she wouldn’t ask was stupid of him, he should have thought this through, should have thought about what to tell her, but maybe it was for the best. She deserved the truth, and truth was what she was going to get.

“No word from you at all for two months? After everything that happened between us?” her voice got smaller and smaller until it was nothing but a whisper. She was at her most vulnerable, scared to be hurt, even though she knew what was coming. They both did.

“Everything that happened between us is exactly why I didn’t contact you.” he admitted, trying to keep himself as steady as he could, but failed. His façade crumbled into a million pieces and it was futile to try and pick them up. “Claire, if we’re going to work together on the diagnostics team, we need a fresh start. Your professional development is too important to jeopardize it whatever…” his voice caught in his throat, his jaw impossibly tense. “… whatever it was that we had.”

“’Had’, past tense.”

“Yes. And the past is where it has to remain.” Ethan’s resolve was a sliver away from breaking and he was grasping at the strings, trying desperately to not let himself fall. To not pull her along with him. telling her that they couldn’t be together hurt him beyond belief, more than he ever thought could be possible. They were looking at each other, seeing right into each other’s souls, the moment stretching into eternity.

It seemed to him like it was a split-second decision when she dove forward and pressed her lips to his. Softly, gently, perfectly.

He felt the air being pushed out of his lungs, his body burning with flames so hot he felt like dying. And maybe he was. His muscles tensed, his whole form stiffed, and yet he tingled from his feet to the top of his head. Feeling him not reacting, she began leaning away, when he woke up, broke free from the confinements and reached for her like a drowning man.

His hands caught her waist gently, barely touching her as though he was afraid she would break if he squeezed too tightly. Afraid to come closer, but afraid to let her go. Scared to push her away, wanting to pull her in. His lips moved against hers slowly, his eyes falling shut once more. He couldn’t count how many times he dreamed of kissing her, of having her in his arms, and now that he did, he was torn.

She’s the one to lean away, looking into his eyes for any indication of what he wanted. He poured all the want, longing and pain into his gaze, seeing it reflected back at him in her green irises. “Dammit, Claire…”

He’s said that to her before, in a situation much like this one. He pulled her back to him then, kissed her like he wanted nothing more in the world than her. He still did. But their situation was more complicated now.

“If you don’t want to kiss me again, then just tell me-“ he never wanted anything more. He probably never will.

“It has nothing to do with ‘want’. I can’t. And if I give a damn about you, I won’t. How am I supposed to push you to be everything you can be if I…”

There it was. Again. He didn’t know what he meant by that back in Miami, but he was a different man now. She was a different woman. They were a different couple. Now he knew, even if only deeply inside.

If I care for you.

“If you what?” she asks, much like she did back on that night, and he still couldn’t bring himself to give her the answer. That much hasn’t changed. He knew that the moment he tells her she’s in his head and in his heart, she would never leave, and they couldn’t allow themselves that much freedom. Freedom to live, freedom to feel, freedom to love.

He looked at her as though he could pass his thoughts to her through their eyes. How easy that would be, if he could just let her into his minds and let her see all that she was to him. His teeth gnaw at the corner of his lip, fighting with himself, struggling to look away from her until he succeeds. Hanging his head low, he burns his stare into his drink, praying that she understands.

“Okay, I get it. Goodnight, Dr. Ramsey.” She whispered, then turned to go. He watched her, gritting his teeth, pushing himself down into his seat, anchoring himself so he doesn’t jump and run after her. Once she disappears behind the door, he takes a swig of his drink, shaking his head somberly.

“You really are an idiot.” Reggie’s voice rang behind his back, his hand falling heavily onto his shoulder.

“I know.”

“You really should go after her.”

He didn’t say anything. He wanted to, god, he wanted to. “After all that I told her, she would push me away. And I wouldn’t blame her.”

“She won’t push you away. You didn’t see her face when she walked out of the bar. Follow her.”

Ethan’s eyes locked with Reggie’s and he knew he was right. It was cold, knowing her she walked home and it was late. Against his better judgement, against what he decided and what he knew was right, he shot to his feet, threw a ‘goodbye’ to Reggie and ran, faster than ever before in his life.

He busted out of the bar onto the street, looking around to try and find her. Not that surprised that she was nowhere to be seen, he set off in the direction of her apartment, and eventually, he saw her, walking slowly. He called out for her and she stopped dead in her tracks, turning towards him slowly.

“Ethan? Is everything okay? You’re out of breath… you’re not being chased by a murderer, are you?” she ran her eyes over him, taking in his condition, the way his hair was swept to the back, the way his jacket was crooked and his chest moved up and down rapidly as he struggled to catch his breath.

“I’m… okay… I just...” he panted, taking a deep breath before looking at her again. “… I wanted to make sure you got home safe.”

Her eyebrow shot up in surprise, then melted gently into a sweet smile. “I’m fine… you can walk with me if you want to make sure I’m okay, though.”

He knew he shouldn’t, he knew he should just turn around and walk away, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He almost reached out and took her hand, but instead opted for a smile that he could only hope came out as friendly. Her laugh rang in his ears.

“You’re still terrible at pretending.”

They walked and he asked questions. About the life at the hospital when he was gone. About Naveen’s recovery, which she supervised along with Harper while he was away. About his patients, some of which she had under her care.

“Mr. Dursi laughed when he saw me walk into his room. He just woke up and he was convinced that I was you. Kept muttering how he could swear that you were a man, but he didn’t really mind. It took me solid twenty minutes and a photo of you to convince him.” Claire recalled, laughing until she cried, drying her cheeks with the back of her hand.

“You must have had a hard time finding a photo of me.”

“Not really. I mean, I have a couple on my phone-“ she shrugged, then cut off in the middle of the sentence, knowing fully well that she had no way of going back on her words. “I- uh…”

“It’s okay, I have some photos of you too.” Ethan’s confession hung between them, settling into her mind. He would never admit that when his loneliness in the Amazon got too much for him and he was breaking, he looked at her. Despite what he tried to tell himself, despite how much he tried to extinguish his feelings for her, it seemed as though it was impossible.

A chilly breeze blew around them, biting into his flesh. He looked over to her, just in time to see her shiver. On instinct, he took his jacket off and stopped her, turning her towards him.

“Give me your hands.” He nudged her arms, pointing to his jacket. She shook her head, beginning to protest. “I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer, Claire. You’re cold, I’ll be damned if I let you be cold.”

She held his stare, trying to determine if he was bluffing, but she knew he was serious. His look of certainty and resolve told her that if she didn’t allow him to help her put his jacket on, he would wrap her in it. With a heavy sigh, she put her arms through the sleeves and snuggled into the material, still warm from the heat of his body. Still smelling like him.

Ethan tried to make it seem like the sight of his clothes on her didn’t make him come undone, but the truth was, if he could, he would forbid her from wearing anything but his clothes. It felt good, it felt right, and the thought of them maybe never having the comfort of being that close to each other again hurt his mind, body and soul.

Her apartment building came into the view much sooner than he would have liked. They could be just Claire and Ethan while their walk lasted, but the moment they say goodbye and he lets her go, they go back to square one. The only difference is, he already knows how it feels to have her, and it’s going to be a million times more difficult to pretend like he doesn’t. Their walk slowed to a stop and she turned to him, somber look on her face.

“That’s it I guess.” She muttered, looking up at the window of her apartment. Her friends must have been back already, they all had an early morning the following day. His eyes traced the lines of her face gently and he took a step towards her, placing his hand on her shoulder gently.

“It seems like it.”

Claire turned her body towards him and right into his unexpecting arms. Her grip on him began as a soothing breeze and gained intensity as seconds ticked by. He gathered her into his embrace, holding her closer than he had in months, and he felt his body relax. She was like a drug to him, and he was addicted. Her scent that he missed, that he familiarized with a sense of safety and home, her voice that could stop the biggest tempest in his mind. Her touch that lit up a fire in his veins, made him fell invincible. Just like he felt right now.

He took a step forward, she took a step back. And another. And another, until they reached the side of the building, hidden away from the street in an alleyway, lit only by a dim light. Her head rose slightly to look at him, their eyes met and not even a fracture of a second later, their lips were back on each other.

Claire took a deep breath upon the feel of the kiss, her knees suddenly too weak to hold her up. She gripped his shoulders, her nails scraping the skin at the base of his neck, making him tremble. The kiss was different from the one they shared earlier that evening. That one was cautious, almost empty, lacking the fire that he longed to feel again, that he wanted to get burned by.

This one was everything. It had the drive, it had the power, it had the intensity of a thousand lightnings, striking him at the same time. The hunger he felt could only be satiated by her, by her kisses, by her lingering touches, by the way she held him close. His hands slipped under the jacket that hung loosely from her shoulders, his fingers curling around her waist and pulling her impossibly closer.

She trailed her hand up his neck, tangling into his neck and pulling on the strands, eliciting a low growl in the back of his throat. His body pushed on hers, pressing her against the wall, letting his lips leave hers so he could assault the skin of her neck. She breathed heavily, pushing her other hand downwards and grasping the thin material of his shirt, her grasp so tight she could tear the fabric apart.

Ethan nipped at her collarbone, causing her to arch her back against him with a moan. “Go inside.” He breathed against her skin, his shoulders moving heavily beneath her persistent touch. Coming back to her lips, he kissed her again, harder, faster, the intensity kicking the air out of his lungs.

“What?” she panted, pulling him right back to her, her hands snaking down his back and digging into the back pockets of his jeans, pushing him onto her. He groaned helplessly, grabbing her face with his hands and pulling their faces as close as humanly possible.

“Go inside.” He bit her lower lip, pulling on it and then soothing it with his tongue, growling impatiently. She squeezed his backside with her hands, causing his breath to falter and his grip to loosen for a moment before he adjusted his hold on her.

“Why?” He dug his fingers into her back, a cry falling from her lips, both of them definitely louder than they should be. Leaning back to make their eyes meet, he let her see the desire, the lust that threatened to consume him at any moment.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to rip your clothes off your body and take you, right here and right now.” he looked at her seriously, taking a moment to catch his breath. His body dove forward before stopping, barely inches away from her, his eyes dropping to her lips, watching them eagerly. “And god, don’t I want to.”

“I want that too.” Claire confessed, retreating her hands back up his body and placing them along the sides of his face, mirroring his hold on her. The heat was gone, only tenderness and softness left. They caressed each other, eyes glossy and filled to the brim with emotions.

“I know. But we can’t. So, get inside.” It hurt him even more than the first time when he had to say that to her, and he could see her breaking a bit more with every breath she took. Unable to stop himself, he kissed her delicately, holding onto the moment for as long as he could before, at last, letting her go and taking a step back. She kept his gaze for just one moment more, then nodded and went back out onto the street, leaving Ethan alone in the darkness.

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