#people always say 'it gets better'
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i'm extremely depressed
#i'm on the waitlist for social housing - the employment services for disabled people - the autism support service#once approved for social housing it takes another 10-12 years to get somewhere to live#applied for autism support service back in january and six months later i was 70th on the list#employability said december is the earliest they'd contact me#i'm tired all the time even though i'm not anaemic anymore#there's no way out#people always say 'it gets better'#EVERYTHING and i mean FUCKING EVERYTHING has gotten worse since i was 12#every year of my 20s has been a shitshow#there is no evidence in life that things get better#things don't improve#they never have#and i'm going to die on this miserable fucking island#misc: personal#depression cw
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Heh...Literally nothing personal, kid.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#sect leader yao#This episode has a lot of scenes I know people are excited for and starting here seems odd but here me out:#The sheer hilarity of this opening scene was too good to not give a highlight to.#Dare I say it? I think this is THE most underrated scene in the whole series.#You have one guy flashing WWX his prosthetic leg. Another complains about his dead parents.#And the third guy? He has no personal grievances at all. He's just here to be included.#You cannot get better comedic timing than that. Sect leader Yao you will always be famous to me.#There is also something to be said about how this scene is about shifting blame and holding a false trial.#And we also have the main theme about rumours vs truth in how Sect leader Yao is only here based on what he's been told to beleive.#And WWX is so exhausted by the blame! He was one breath away from saying 'form a queue and I'll take your complaints one by one'#WWX (overall) didn't do those things directly but he's the one the responsibility falls on.#Despite the fact that the first siege was *not* incited by him. It's like hitting someone and getting mad your fist got hurt.#What a brilliantly frustrating scene!#Anyways next up are the long awaited pheonix mountain flashabck scenes. We finally made it.#and AHH Season 3!!! The last stretch! Thank you all for rooting me on up until this point!
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I find the fact that the confrontation at the end of UTRH is often summarized as Jason asking Bruce to kill the Joker for him fascinating.
Because that's not what happened.
Jason holds a gun up to Joker's head, gives Bruce another, and tells him that if Bruce doesn't do something (shoot Jason), he will kill Joker.
Jason doesn't give the gun to Bruce so that he would shoot Joker. He isn't expecting Bruce to pull the trigger on the clown. He's asking Bruce to do nothing. To be inactive. Because that will still be a choice, and despite having done nothing, everybody clearly agrees that Bruce would still, at least in part, be responsible for Joker's death.
...And to me, this moment is a kind of- microcosm, of the rest of Jason's point. Because after being captured and carted off to Arkham, the villain will escape again, and will kill more people. The only way to truly prevent that from happening would be to kill them; Bruce refuses to do so, and I respect his right to choose such a thing for himself, but it is still a choice, and if we agree that Bruce's inaction during the confrontation would leave him at least partly responsible for the Joker's death, then we must also agree that his inaction in permanently preventing the Rogues from killing more people means he is also, partly, responsible for all of those deaths.
#my dc posting#batman#dc#bruce wayne#jason todd#joker#uhh is this like analysis or meta#anyway. to me this is the message that scene sends#if we say bruce doing nothing would mean he assisted in the murder of joker then bruce doing nothing about the villains means he is also#responsible for those deaths#ANYWAY yes b4 you come at me;;#bruce's belief in rehabilitation and that everyone can get better is central to his character#and i love it and no i dont actually think he should kill the rogues or whatever#but the question there is. Are you fine with the future victims your decisions will cause?#Are their lives worth the slim chance any of these people will get better?#batman says yes theyre worth it. red hood says no theyre not.#thats the fundamental moral difference there#its why jason challenges the batman status quo#which is why he cant be harnessed well after his initial return bc comics can never truly escape that status quo#anyway i sure am having some thoughts for someone not that smart so if you disagree please tell me!!! just be civil or ill just block you <#...anyway this is another thing BTAS succeeds in bc i always feel like yes these villains do deserve yet another chance#despite what theyve done. bruce's belief in them doesnt feel stupid and naive#its abt what you yourself can live with. bruce can live w the deaths of the ppl the criminals he doesnt get rid of kill#and jason can live with killing those criminals and preventing further victims
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Yeah girl you are so *Dazai isn’t unemotional he’s never been unemotional he latches onto everyone and everything and clings so fucking hard he leaves claw marks on everything he lets go of; he leaves Chuuya and the Mafia for Oda and then gets thoroughly addicted to Kunikida who resembles them both so much, he ‘trains’ and ‘raises’ Akutagawa for survival in the Port Mafia and screws up so badly he obsesses over Atsushi to try and make up for it, Ango was his best friend and Dazai fucks him over just so he can hold onto him yet still leaves claw marks in Ango’s side, he is every age he has ever been and ever will be and what’s awful is that sometimes his love is too similar to his hate* haha lmao wanna fuck nasty?
#he!!! loves people!!!!!!!!#he gets attached he gets hooked he desires and he craves#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#there’s a quote from a book i read eons ago that i always think about when i read people saying how dazai doesnt care#‘it would be better if he hated us but he doesnt even seem to realise he’s breaking our hearts and ruining his spirit’ and hnnnng its very#bsd dazai#soukoku#bsd akutagawa#akutagawa ryunosuke#chuuya nakahara#atushi nakajima#kunikidazai#kunizai#odazai#odazango#dazai x ango#ango x dazai#oda x dazai#sakaguchi ango#oda sakunosuke#dazatsu#dazaku
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i think im not a fan of what dc keeps doing with jason because they keep having him, the abused, become an abuser in some way shape or form. and the classism they don't want to talk about (i am being so for real there is a genuine problem of both writers and readers who do not understand jason's background and it pissed me off so bad because it always shapes their opinion of him in the wrong way and they don't care to even try to listen). and how if they were going to have him come back they should have had delved into his identity crisis and the inherent horror of coming back but not knowing how or why or what to do about it and not knowing what you were doing while dead and having to deal with time jumping forward on you and the fact that you will never get the time back and no one will he the same as they were before you died and how isolating and lonely that would be. and they also definitely weren't prepared for the fact that jason was grieving his life and his death and his hopes for his mother and his dad who didn't get there in time and the dc writers are fucking cowards. which brings me to my next point: why do we keep listening to them about shit because they are quite literally always fighting with each other and projecting their own personal biases into characters (i.e. making them worse than they are/2 dimensional/trying to make them iredeemable so their favorite character gets to shine) and also they are all freaks of nature with a consistent problem of being God Awful People who why would we trust them with these characters. jason todd they don't get you like i do
#it's 3AM and i woke up out of a fitful sleep to write this post#i hallucinated jason todd while trying to sleep#(just like them bitches in the comics always fucking do can we point that out. actually. they always fucking hallucinate someone in their#family but mostly jason. when he was dead and stuff#more hallucinations or give me death#i meant that figuratively#the second part#i want more hallucinations or give me someone talking about how that used to happen to them and jason going “wtf r u good ?” or#“ew keep me out of your brain freak”#(second one directed at tim)#what was i saying#ummmm#jason todd#he deserves better#coming from a similar background means i am his number one defender#i have mommy issues too so tack that on there#the way people look at and treat the homeless makes me infuriated because you dont get it#you dont GET IT#until it's YOU mother fucker
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#its been 10 years since my dad passed away#and I'm always thinking about him but these days I think about him so much more#its always like this#and I've been thinking about how people say that as time goes by it gets better and you miss them a little less#I disagree#I think you definitely find ways to cope a bit better#but never miss them less#it's been so long and I still miss him like only a few months have passed#I mean it does get better. I disagree about the missing them part
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I got a comment on one of my fics where the person listed like six of their favorite quotes from the fic and I’m signal boosting that because please please PLEASE let’s make this a trend. I have never felt so seen and validated in my writing and no amount of kudos can compare to this. Commenter if I ever find you I WILL be kissing you on the mouth.
#like I am obviously all for encouraging people to comment with something short and sweet#because sometimes people get shy about commenting and it’s always better to say something than nothing#but to actually know what parts of a story was moving to your audience is so next level
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I'm thinking abt that pretty fall leaves embroidery pattern post and about how like... it is categorically a repost, it's a reupload. right? a thing that is generally disliked. but because it's credited, it's genuinely boosting the artist in question. and it could ALWAYS be like this. reposting content could ALWAYS be a symbiotic relationship, but because sourcing back to the original creator of something is so uncommon, it's just easier to ask people not to repost it at all. and people still don't understand the difference. or they'll go to the effort of cropping out usernames/signatures to repost something, which is More Effort than literally crediting the creator of something you liked enough to want to repost. Like. I literally don't actually care if my own shit gets reposted, you have to understand. I just don't want it STOLEN. But "do not repost" is easier to write on my art than "you can repost this, but don't alter the image/remove my signature, don't you dare write 'credit goes to the artist' because that is not credit, please link back to my original post or someplace that you can actually find me. please use an actual link/url instead of writing a non-clickable link of my username, because making it text instead of a clickable link cuts the number of people who will go to the effort of visiting my own page in Half." All those aggregate themed accounts, those fuckin annoying as hell instagrams and facebook groups that are like "body positive art we love wamen 💕 hashtag feminism" and then MASS-STEAL plus sized art created by women, if pages like these that always go and steal my older self-portraits and other works... If they just put a link to my prints of those pieces in the text of those posts, or, fuck, my commission info page? I would literally be living on the moon right now. I would have a house on the moon
#there is actually nothing morally wrong with running an account that just reuploads ppl's artwork or their jokes or their cosplays#if you just put a VISIBLE LINK in the description of your post with proper credit then it would be beneficial for everyone#because you can get your little clout or whatever it is you want by putting a bunch of same-category content on a page#but nobody's getting fucked over because if your post blows up then people just get FUNNELED to the source#because it's placed so plainly where everyone can see it#and yeah it's better to retweet or reblog but#on the rare occasion that I see my shit reuploaded on tumblr WHICH IS WEIRD BC I MAKE MY OWN POSTS HERE but anyway#someone making their own post where they upload my stuff. and it's always the floral self portraits so let's say it's a post with all those#if I scroll to the bottom and it says like. Artwork by Serglesinner on Twitter <-- clickable link [Sergle's Prints] <-- clickable link#to my etsy#I'm like oh okay and all the anger leaves my body and I'm like ah I see. and I toss the rock aside#like oh okay so you actually care that a person made these pieces. Instead of posting the caption ''women <3'' or smth#like you've GOTTA die if you do that. but if you just link back#or if you go to the effort of writing like a description with a BLURB? like it's a damn museum. like a light paragraph of info#about what the art is and who made it and their links#I am literally sucking you in a strange and peculiar manner. that is extremely helpful#and maybe other artists don't want this AT ALL and they'd rather people not reupload even if it is credited#but I feeeeeeeeel. like 99% of the time this would solve the issue#reposters could genuinely be helping ppl. sometimes the repost gets more traction than the real thing#as long as it credits the creator then that's an okay thing to happen!#that can land somebody a sale! a commission order! a new fan! A JOB#A JOB!!!!!!!!!!#sergle.txt#I didn't write this eloquently AT ALL what the fuck ever barkbarkbarkbark
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even tho merlin constantly complains about tournaments and arthur goes on and on about glory and honor, merlin is always the loudest in the stands and arthur always finds merlin’s eye first when he wins
#its in that brief moment when theyre both swept up in the excitment of arthurs victory#that they dont hide anything#they meet each others gaze and see the pride in each others eyes and the pure joy carved into every inch of their face#after of course merlin will sniff and say it wasnt that impressive and that his opponent was much better and shouldve won instead#and arthur will get annoyed like ‘but i won. not him. gimme my compliments’#and merlin is always just like ‘nah’#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#arthur always knows where to look bc merlin is the first one to shoot to his feet and let out a cheer#and in that moment arthur is pulling off his helm he already knows where to look bc merlin is calling out for him#even as a prince when the first person he should be looking at after winning is his father#he cant help but looking to merlin first#fanfiction#fanfic#fic ideas#prompts#idk if it was clear or not but arthurs motivation is to show off to merlin#thats all#LMAO#he dgaf about his daddy or his people#he wants his bf to see how strong he is and how he can kick ass
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I'm sorry I let down my guard.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#xue yang#xiao xingchen#God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish#Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it.#The change from “Helena don't walk away...(gentle)” to “HELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)” is fantastic.#And “Don't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fine”. Xue Yang core.#Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently-#come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt#and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people.#So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'.#The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there?#The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible#He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg)#''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.''#Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts.#ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.
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where would we be as a society if grantaire didn’t possess every actor who plays him
#personally I say we’re much better off for it#les mis#grantaire#in all seriousness tho it does always make me so happy when an actor takes a role like grantaire so seriously#it may get overlooked by some but it means so much to the people who do recognize and love that deeper understanding of a character..
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Let Jews Define Jewish Terms 2kAlwaysWhyIsThisADebate
#when it comes to literally any other group of people everyone says 'only they can define themselves and their words!'#'they know better than any of us could' etc#but LIKE ALWAYS the second it's jewish or in any way related to israel suddenly EVERYONE is an expert /except/ jewish people#white person in the u.s thinks they know what zionism is better than the people who literally#live in the country in question. better than the people who come from the country in question#are you for fucking real#fucking s t o p#this has BEEN ridiculous and it just keeps getting more ridiculous somehow. your antisemitism is front and center. clear as day.#and you look awful in this light#maison speaks
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back when i worked at [large chain coffee store], i tried to unionize my workplace. my manager sat me down and gave me a very guilt trip-y talk. lots of "but i thought we were a family :(" and "you don't *really* know what unionization does, do you?" i played dumb and managed to avoid being fired, but. chilchuck momence.
#mod chilchuck#i will say: i feel like chilchuck would be more adamant about forming a union given that he actually has done it#like. he has definitely received pushback for trying to form a union. even from other halflings (mickbell).#and i feel like he would know how to deal with it.#not to say that you didnt deal with your situation well. just that he had different priorities and wasnt at as much riskof losing his job(s)#given that he wasnt dealing with the fucked up job market we have right now. in which its dominated by very few companies.#diferent people are in different situations and sometimes you have to pick and choose you battles#which is why unionizing is so important. bc you dont always have to put yourself at risk to get better conditions#often times unions will have people who work the picket lines and lobbying etc. for better conditions.#working together makes us stronger. its not an individual's fight. its for all of us.#n e ways... that was long.#also. sorry for the late response to the ask. we (the blog) decided that it would be most fitting if i aswered this one.#and i was struggling to come up with a response.#(and having a severe episode of hypochondria)#dungeon meshi#chillchuck#laios#marcille#izutsumi
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know it’s hard on my friends to see me like this since i’ve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#it’s been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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Ted saying that no driver has had this level of attention on them since Michael Schumacher...
Gentlemen, a short view into the past; Max's debut season, his Red Bull debut, the literal rule changed as a result of his debut in the sport... oh and everyone and their mother calling Kimi Max 2.0 and Toto's second chance at signing debut!Max since he failed the first time around...
#max verstappen#f1#formula 1#formula one#the sky sports commentators were literally clutching their pearls when max debuted 😭✋️#and practically screaming crying throwing up after the red bull switch was announced#gleefully questioning whether he was ready for it#him then winning his debut red bull race was chefs kiss#also... you can't really compare the attention schumi got#we've seen glimpses of it no question with the attention max & charles get#especially Charles as he is the predestined son of ferrari#ferrari is a religion after all#but schumi was on a whole another level#i can see max & charles reaching and exceeding it#but it was an insane level of attention#in the peak of paparazzi#the 90s and early 2000s were something else#not to say it's gotten better because it really hasn't but the way its done has changed#adapted to better suit the world of digital media so to speak#schumi was a cultural phenomenon to a lot of people including baby me he was f1 he was ferrari#i'ma stop before i start writing an essay about how Michael was F1's Diana because i feel thats where my head is at the moment lmao#also not ted also forgetting seb#my man got a penalty 6 seconds into f1 career 😭✋️#and was quickly dubbed the crash kid#max was crashtappen#max seb michael were all labelled aggressive#seb & michael only got appreciation when they were leaving/ when they left the sport#the history book on the shelf is always repeating itself
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Thanks you to all of you who have been so kind lately, I know we don’t know each other personally but I feel like I have a lil family and I’m not alone in being treated like shit by someone who pretended to love you ❤️🩹 big hugs to all of you, and also all you going through a depressive episode, a dark time, or struggling with substance abuse of any sort, I see you, I understand, and there will be people you find in this life that will see you too
#also some of you know me as the artist sunlightafterdark and I get a lil more open on here cause it was always my safe space#so if you know me from that#yes I’m a real person and I struggle and I’m not always happy and I’m not the usual type A kinda person that runs a successful business#but I’m here to say it can be done even if you don’t get out of bed for days#even if you have bad coping skill and are trying to get better it is possible#but it’s so so important not to surround yourself with negative people
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