#people always say 'it gets better'
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i'm extremely depressed
#i'm on the waitlist for social housing - the employment services for disabled people - the autism support service#once approved for social housing it takes another 10-12 years to get somewhere to live#applied for autism support service back in january and six months later i was 70th on the list#employability said december is the earliest they'd contact me#i'm tired all the time even though i'm not anaemic anymore#there's no way out#people always say 'it gets better'#EVERYTHING and i mean FUCKING EVERYTHING has gotten worse since i was 12#every year of my 20s has been a shitshow#there is no evidence in life that things get better#things don't improve#they never have#and i'm going to die on this miserable fucking island#misc: personal#depression cw
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Heh...Literally nothing personal, kid.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#sect leader yao#This episode has a lot of scenes I know people are excited for and starting here seems odd but here me out:#The sheer hilarity of this opening scene was too good to not give a highlight to.#Dare I say it? I think this is THE most underrated scene in the whole series.#You have one guy flashing WWX his prosthetic leg. Another complains about his dead parents.#And the third guy? He has no personal grievances at all. He's just here to be included.#You cannot get better comedic timing than that. Sect leader Yao you will always be famous to me.#There is also something to be said about how this scene is about shifting blame and holding a false trial.#And we also have the main theme about rumours vs truth in how Sect leader Yao is only here based on what he's been told to beleive.#And WWX is so exhausted by the blame! He was one breath away from saying 'form a queue and I'll take your complaints one by one'#WWX (overall) didn't do those things directly but he's the one the responsibility falls on.#Despite the fact that the first siege was *not* incited by him. It's like hitting someone and getting mad your fist got hurt.#What a brilliantly frustrating scene!#Anyways next up are the long awaited pheonix mountain flashabck scenes. We finally made it.#and AHH Season 3!!! The last stretch! Thank you all for rooting me on up until this point!
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Yeah girl you are so *Dazai isnāt unemotional heās never been unemotional he latches onto everyone and everything and clings so fucking hard he leaves claw marks on everything he lets go of; he leaves Chuuya and the Mafia for Oda and then gets thoroughly addicted to Kunikida who resembles them both so much, he ātrainsā and āraisesā Akutagawa for survival in the Port Mafia and screws up so badly he obsesses over Atsushi to try and make up for it, Ango was his best friend and Dazai fucks him over just so he can hold onto him yet still leaves claw marks in Angoās side, he is every age he has ever been and ever will be and whatās awful is that sometimes his love is too similar to his hate* haha lmao wanna fuck nasty?
#he!!! loves people!!!!!!!!#he gets attached he gets hooked he desires and he craves#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#thereās a quote from a book i read eons ago that i always think about when i read people saying how dazai doesnt care#āit would be better if he hated us but he doesnt even seem to realise heās breaking our hearts and ruining his spiritā and hnnnng its very#bsd dazai#soukoku#bsd akutagawa#akutagawa ryunosuke#chuuya nakahara#atushi nakajima#kunikidazai#kunizai#odazai#odazango#dazai x ango#ango x dazai#oda x dazai#sakaguchi ango#oda sakunosuke#dazatsu#dazaku
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#its been 10 years since my dad passed away#and I'm always thinking about him but these days I think about him so much more#its always like this#and I've been thinking about how people say that as time goes by it gets better and you miss them a little less#I disagree#I think you definitely find ways to cope a bit better#but never miss them less#it's been so long and I still miss him like only a few months have passed#I mean it does get better. I disagree about the missing them part
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I got a comment on one of my fics where the person listed like six of their favorite quotes from the fic and Iām signal boosting that because please please PLEASE letās make this a trend. I have never felt so seen and validated in my writing and no amount of kudos can compare to this. Commenter if I ever find you I WILL be kissing you on the mouth.
#like I am obviously all for encouraging people to comment with something short and sweet#because sometimes people get shy about commenting and itās always better to say something than nothing#but to actually know what parts of a story was moving to your audience is so next level
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I'm thinking abt that pretty fall leaves embroidery pattern post and about how like... it is categorically a repost, it's a reupload. right? a thing that is generally disliked. but because it's credited, it's genuinely boosting the artist in question. and it could ALWAYS be like this. reposting content could ALWAYS be a symbiotic relationship, but because sourcing back to the original creator of something is so uncommon, it's just easier to ask people not to repost it at all. and people still don't understand the difference. or they'll go to the effort of cropping out usernames/signatures to repost something, which is More Effort than literally crediting the creator of something you liked enough to want to repost. Like. I literally don't actually care if my own shit gets reposted, you have to understand. I just don't want it STOLEN. But "do not repost" is easier to write on my art than "you can repost this, but don't alter the image/remove my signature, don't you dare write 'credit goes to the artist' because that is not credit, please link back to my original post or someplace that you can actually find me. please use an actual link/url instead of writing a non-clickable link of my username, because making it text instead of a clickable link cuts the number of people who will go to the effort of visiting my own page in Half." All those aggregate themed accounts, those fuckin annoying as hell instagrams and facebook groups that are like "body positive art we love wamen š hashtag feminism" and then MASS-STEAL plus sized art created by women, if pages like these that always go and steal my older self-portraits and other works... If they just put a link to my prints of those pieces in the text of those posts, or, fuck, my commission info page? I would literally be living on the moon right now. I would have a house on the moon
#there is actually nothing morally wrong with running an account that just reuploads ppl's artwork or their jokes or their cosplays#if you just put a VISIBLE LINK in the description of your post with proper credit then it would be beneficial for everyone#because you can get your little clout or whatever it is you want by putting a bunch of same-category content on a page#but nobody's getting fucked over because if your post blows up then people just get FUNNELED to the source#because it's placed so plainly where everyone can see it#and yeah it's better to retweet or reblog but#on the rare occasion that I see my shit reuploaded on tumblr WHICH IS WEIRD BC I MAKE MY OWN POSTS HERE but anyway#someone making their own post where they upload my stuff. and it's always the floral self portraits so let's say it's a post with all those#if I scroll to the bottom and it says like. Artwork by Serglesinner on Twitter <-- clickable link [Sergle's Prints] <-- clickable link#to my etsy#I'm like oh okay and all the anger leaves my body and I'm like ah I see. and I toss the rock aside#like oh okay so you actually care that a person made these pieces. Instead of posting the caption ''women <3'' or smth#like you've GOTTA die if you do that. but if you just link back#or if you go to the effort of writing like a description with a BLURB? like it's a damn museum. like a light paragraph of info#about what the art is and who made it and their links#I am literally sucking you in a strange and peculiar manner. that is extremely helpful#and maybe other artists don't want this AT ALL and they'd rather people not reupload even if it is credited#but I feeeeeeeeel. like 99% of the time this would solve the issue#reposters could genuinely be helping ppl. sometimes the repost gets more traction than the real thing#as long as it credits the creator then that's an okay thing to happen!#that can land somebody a sale! a commission order! a new fan! A JOB#A JOB!!!!!!!!!!#sergle.txt#I didn't write this eloquently AT ALL what the fuck ever barkbarkbarkbark
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even tho merlin constantly complains about tournaments and arthur goes on and on about glory and honor, merlin is always the loudest in the stands and arthur always finds merlinās eye first when he wins
#its in that brief moment when theyre both swept up in the excitment of arthurs victory#that they dont hide anything#they meet each others gaze and see the pride in each others eyes and the pure joy carved into every inch of their face#after of course merlin will sniff and say it wasnt that impressive and that his opponent was much better and shouldve won instead#and arthur will get annoyed like ābut i won. not him. gimme my complimentsā#and merlin is always just like ānahā#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#arthur always knows where to look bc merlin is the first one to shoot to his feet and let out a cheer#and in that moment arthur is pulling off his helm he already knows where to look bc merlin is calling out for him#even as a prince when the first person he should be looking at after winning is his father#he cant help but looking to merlin first#fanfiction#fanfic#fic ideas#prompts#idk if it was clear or not but arthurs motivation is to show off to merlin#thats all#LMAO#he dgaf about his daddy or his people#he wants his bf to see how strong he is and how he can kick ass
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where would we be as a society if grantaire didnāt possess every actor who plays him
#personally I say weāre much better off for it#les mis#grantaire#in all seriousness tho it does always make me so happy when an actor takes a role like grantaire so seriously#it may get overlooked by some but it means so much to the people who do recognize and love that deeper understanding of a character..
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Let Jews Define Jewish Terms 2kAlwaysWhyIsThisADebate
#when it comes to literally any other group of people everyone says 'only they can define themselves and their words!'#'they know better than any of us could' etc#but LIKE ALWAYS the second it's jewish or in any way related to israel suddenly EVERYONE is an expert /except/ jewish people#white person in the u.s thinks they know what zionism is better than the people who literally#live in the country in question. better than the people who come from the country in question#are you for fucking real#fucking s t o p#this has BEEN ridiculous and it just keeps getting more ridiculous somehow. your antisemitism is front and center. clear as day.#and you look awful in this light#maison speaks
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I'm sorry I let down my guard.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#xue yang#xiao xingchen#God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish#Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it.#The change from āHelena don't walk away...(gentle)ā to āHELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)ā is fantastic.#And āDon't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fineā. Xue Yang core.#Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently-#come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt#and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people.#So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'.#The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there?#The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible#He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg)#''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.''#Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts.#ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.
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back when i worked at [large chain coffee store], i tried to unionize my workplace. my manager sat me down and gave me a very guilt trip-y talk. lots of "but i thought we were a family :(" and "you don't *really* know what unionization does, do you?" i played dumb and managed to avoid being fired, but. chilchuck momence.
#mod chilchuck#i will say: i feel like chilchuck would be more adamant about forming a union given that he actually has done it#like. he has definitely received pushback for trying to form a union. even from other halflings (mickbell).#and i feel like he would know how to deal with it.#not to say that you didnt deal with your situation well. just that he had different priorities and wasnt at as much riskof losing his job(s)#given that he wasnt dealing with the fucked up job market we have right now. in which its dominated by very few companies.#diferent people are in different situations and sometimes you have to pick and choose you battles#which is why unionizing is so important. bc you dont always have to put yourself at risk to get better conditions#often times unions will have people who work the picket lines and lobbying etc. for better conditions.#working together makes us stronger. its not an individual's fight. its for all of us.#n e ways... that was long.#also. sorry for the late response to the ask. we (the blog) decided that it would be most fitting if i aswered this one.#and i was struggling to come up with a response.#(and having a severe episode of hypochondria)#dungeon meshi#chillchuck#laios#marcille#izutsumi
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time iām just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know itās hard on my friends to see me like this since iāve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#itās been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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Ted saying that no driver has had this level of attention on them since Michael Schumacher...
Gentlemen, a short view into the past; Max's debut season, his Red Bull debut, the literal rule changed as a result of his debut in the sport... oh and everyone and their mother calling Kimi Max 2.0 and Toto's second chance at signing debut!Max since he failed the first time around...
#max verstappen#f1#formula 1#formula one#the sky sports commentators were literally clutching their pearls when max debuted šāļø#and practically screaming crying throwing up after the red bull switch was announced#gleefully questioning whether he was ready for it#him then winning his debut red bull race was chefs kiss#also... you can't really compare the attention schumi got#we've seen glimpses of it no question with the attention max & charles get#especially Charles as he is the predestined son of ferrari#ferrari is a religion after all#but schumi was on a whole another level#i can see max & charles reaching and exceeding it#but it was an insane level of attention#in the peak of paparazzi#the 90s and early 2000s were something else#not to say it's gotten better because it really hasn't but the way its done has changed#adapted to better suit the world of digital media so to speak#schumi was a cultural phenomenon to a lot of people including baby me he was f1 he was ferrari#i'ma stop before i start writing an essay about how Michael was F1's Diana because i feel thats where my head is at the moment lmao#also not ted also forgetting seb#my man got a penalty 6 seconds into f1 career šāļø#and was quickly dubbed the crash kid#max was crashtappen#max seb michael were all labelled aggressive#seb & michael only got appreciation when they were leaving/ when they left the sport#the history book on the shelf is always repeating itself
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Thanks you to all of you who have been so kind lately, I know we donāt know each other personally but I feel like I have a lil family and Iām not alone in being treated like shit by someone who pretended to love you ā¤ļøāš©¹ big hugs to all of you, and also all you going through a depressive episode, a dark time, or struggling with substance abuse of any sort, I see you, I understand, and there will be people you find in this life that will see you too
#also some of you know me as the artist sunlightafterdark and I get a lil more open on here cause it was always my safe space#so if you know me from that#yes Iām a real person and I struggle and Iām not always happy and Iām not the usual type A kinda person that runs a successful business#but Iām here to say it can be done even if you donāt get out of bed for days#even if you have bad coping skill and are trying to get better it is possible#but itās so so important not to surround yourself with negative people
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Thinking of the Nie disciple that told Nie Mingjue it was Meng Yao who stayed behind to clean up corpses on the battlefield today.
Nie Mingjue didn't just randomly stumble upon poor lil meowyao eating bread in the novel, he was already looking for him to thank and reward him for his work.
That's what makes it so fun that nieyao's first conflict will end up being about someone else taking credit for Meng Yao's work.
And I'm sure that Nie Mingjue's actual opinions on plagiarism are a lot more nuanced, all we really get from him in this scene is "well you shouldn't kill someone over it!" which leaves a lot of room for what punishments he thinks are appropiate. But I bet that it isn't occuring to him in this moment that the only reason he knows Meng Yao at all, the only reason he got such a capable deputy, is that he noticed someone was taking care of the dead and cared enough to want to know their name. And then the Nie disciples didn't lie to him. The disciple he asked could have said "it was me, Zongzhu" to rise in the ranks himself, but he didn't. He went and asked others, who all also could have taken the credit, but they didn't. Someone saw Meng Yao working and decided to be honest about it and that simple decision is the catalyst for Meng Yao becoming Nie Mingjue's deputy.
Meng Yao can't just work hard to get results, others have to acknowledge that work. If they don't, it's as if he didn't do anything at all.
#i'm very proud of the phrase poor lil meowyao. i'm sure i'm not the first one to come up with it but i'm proud nonetheless.#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#meng yao#anyway this isn't a nmj bashing post i think 'ok that's bad but don't do MURDER' is overall a pretty reasonable reaction#but the emotional disconnect is fun to ruminate on. I bet meng yao IS thinking about that moment while coming up with his fake-suicide plan#anyway i always laugh a litle whenever anyone wonder if meng yao looking a bit pitiful was all some master stategy to get nmj to like him#because like... no. no that would be a stupid plan and also involved way too many factors he couldn't control.#and also!! he was already doing something else to try and get nmj's attention. all of that fucking work!!#if you plan on getting nmjā guy famous for valuing merit and hard honest workā to like you what is more useful:#looking a bit like a sad little wet cat in case he comes across you? or. Working really hard and being more useful than everyone else?#ding ding ding it's the latter.#nmj is ALSO a bit weak for someone looking like a kitten left in the rain but that's not well-known at all and meng yao didn't know him yet#anyway the fact that that is his plan does mean he's very aware how much it hinges on other people not just lying and saying they did it.#i wonder what networking efforts lil heijan meng yao was doing. trying to make friends with all the other disciples.#walking the tightrope of being accomodating but not a doormat so people see you as someone to rely on rather than take advantage of.#as much as we know not everyone in the nie is as righteous as nmj it does seem like there is a culture of taking pride in your own work.#even the cultivators who bully him in the novel just seem think it's funny he's working so hard.#using someone else's actions to prop yourself up is kinda like admiting they're better than you. a wound to their pride if nothing else.
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Reminder: even if trump wins, weāll be ok. The presidency isnt the only political position that matters, he wont be a dictator, the president doesnt have the power to remove every other part of government that keeps the presidentās power in check. Also politics isnt the only thing that matters. Even if we lose some rights (which he cant singlehandedly do) we still have community, we still have activism, weāll always be ok. We survived one trump presidency, we can survive another. We survived before gay marriage or transitioning were legal, if we have to survive that again we will. Please, no matter what happens, promise to stay alive. Youre valuable, youre important, and youre going to be ok. Its better to be overprepared than underprepared. Im not asking you to lose hope (im doing the opposite of that), im asking you to practice coping ahead, get all your coping skills ready, determine now to stay alive, because i dont want any of you to make any rash decisions later in case we get bad news and emotions are high. Make a safety plan if you need to. Make sure youāre gonna be ok
#if you cant feel hopeful or curious for the future#maybe at least you can be strategic#if we lose a bunch of marginalized (future) voters and activists weāre just handing them the majority#if you cant stay alive for yourself. stay alive for all the other marginalized people youāll vote on behalf of next time#dont do their dirty work for them. dont kill a marginalized person even if that person is you#im sorry this post was a downer im just. really worried about the way ive heard some queer people and especially youth talking#i just wanna do whatever i can in making sure you guys are ok#if you need someone to message feel free. dmās and asks are always open#also i disagree when people say activists are emboldened when the present is on their side#in my experience that isnt what happens? they get complacent#all the conservatives would quiet down while our own community is strengthened#like how all the conservatives got loud under biden#if anyone more eloquent than me wants to rewrite this please feel free#or just your own spin on it thats not necessarily better#i think the more people we can make sure are mentally prepared the better#just in case#lilac posts#us politics#cw suicide
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