#every year of my 20s has been a shitshow | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

frankendykes-monster · 1 year ago

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Countdown to Halloween 2023, Ranked

43. Swamp Thing (1982)

42. Curse of Bigfoot (1975)

41. The Haunting (1999)

40. Orca (1977)

39. Teenagers Battle The Thing (1958)

38. The Beast (1975)

37. Don't Go in The House (1979)

36. Countess Dracula (1971)

35. Hillbillys in a Haunted House (1967)

34. Beware! The Blob (1972)

33. Alien Space Avenger (1989)

32. Baby Blood (1990)

31. Shriek of The Mutilated (1974)

30. The Mutations (1974)

29. Phase IV (1974)

28. Curse of The Faceless Man (1958)

27. The Sadist (1963)

26. Jennifer (1978)

25. The Wasp Woman (1959)

24. Noroi: The Curse (2005)

23. Girls Nite Out (1982)

22. The Monster of Piedras Blancas (1959)

21. The Cat and The Canary (1927)

20. Tell Your Children (Reefer Madness, 1936)

19. The Company of Wolves (1984)

18. It's Alive (1974)

17. The Wolf House (2018)

16. Michael Jackson's Halloween (2017)

15. The Girl Who Knew Too Much (1963)

14. The Omega Man (1971)

13. Gamera: Rebirth (2023)

12. Student Bodies (1981)

11. Night Caller From Outer Space (1965)

10. Inhumanoids (episodes 1 - 5, 1986)

9. Blind Woman's Curse (1970)

8. Maniac (1980)

7. The Child (1977)

6. Zombie 3 (1988)

5. Return of The Living Dead (1985)

4. Spider Baby (1967)

3. Basket Case (1982)

2. Messiah of Evil (1973)

Godzilla (1954)

Woof. Okay. This has been a mostly disappointing viewing experience.

Critical difference between this year's countdown and the past two is that now that I have stable employment, there is far less time to be watching horror films. I normally begin the countdown in September but we started in July of this year and still barely managed to crack 40, with my original goal being a full 100 this year. Timing. As such a lot of my plans and possible viewings were cut short and compared to last year specifically we fell back on a lot of "seen it already" at least for the top of the list.

This year's batch of viewings were largely blah, but a step up from the shitshow I put myself through last year (watching nearly every Texas Chainsaw sequel does things to a person). As such it'll be difficult to conjure up words for a decent chunk of these mostly because yes, these movies exist, I watched them, I would not recommend that you yourself watch them. That is all. If I write briefly on a given film that's not necessarily an indictment of its quality as there a decent number of these that I saw and enjoyed it's just their impact might be a bit fleeting. You will know which ones I actively disliked. I mostly just want to write about the top five or so but I will play fair.

Our grand loser this year is Swamp Thing, the DC Comics adaptation by Wes Craven. I watched this pretty much entirely because I finally got the Alan Moore Swamp Thing run in paperback this year after quite some time of having it on my to-buy list. Longtime Rachael/Ray/Ratchet fans may recall me reading it in early 2019 alongside [REDACTED]. Still one of the best Moore comics, and a second volume of Swamp Thing wouldn't have been possible without the success of this film. For context I did read the early Swampies by Len Wein and Bernie Wrightson and my general reaction to those was a'ight but there was definitely material for a serviceable film adaptation there. This is not that serviceable film adaptation. I'm not hung up on details like how Abigail has no connection to Arcane now despite being his niece in the comics, but this film is just kind of painful in how relatively unambitious it is which is saying something for Swamp Thing sword fighting another human mutation at the end of this. It's just silly and stupid and not scary or awe inspiring or anything, the Swamp Thing suit sucks, the action sucks, any sense of pathos is not there or gone, it stretches for 30 minutes too long like it's a padded TV pilot, the only highlight is being able to see Adrienne Barbeau's breasts. Fuck this it's a miserable experience to sit through. My mistake for watching a Wes Craven film that doesn't have "Scream" in the title.

Our next shitter is the two-for-one abomination that is Teenagers Battle The Thing (1958) and Curse of Bigfoot (1975); these are the same movie except Curse of Bigfoot has a 25 minute opening scene framing device that is bizarre given that "The Thing" of the original film is a Native American mummy of some sort unearthed by a group of white high school students. It's the rare personal pet project movie made for fun by some locals but the only highlights are the occasional kill scene, Curse of Bigfoot ranks lower just for making me sit through it longer. Blah.

Speedrunning through a bunch of these because theyre all varying degrees of bad and I don't want to spend any longer writing about these than you probably do reading about them: The Haunting is awful and I don't even super care for the original film so adding shitty CGI monsters and a moral lesson of "it's about family!" doesn't help. Orca is a shitty Jaws cash-in that's like a reverse Moby Dick where the sea animal hunts down the human, nice finale where the orca and shitty poacher guy are fighting it out in the Arctic but otherwise avoid. Don't Go in The House is a mysoginistic torture porn movie that really doesn't sell the "seemingly normal guy is a closet nutcase" thing even though movies made before and after have done it well (see Maniac several paragraphs below). The Beast is advertised as this really scandalous porno film but most of it is French aristocrats sitting around in stuffy rooms arguing about real estate. I think I only watched Countess Dracula for its inclusion in the "if this is her vibe I would fucking cum" meme and it's barely worth bringing up at all. Hillbillys in a Haunted House has an absolutely lovely Tennessee country soundtrack that I wish I could listen to without having to watch the actual movie which is devoid of both scares and laughs. Beware! The Blob gives off the feeling of sitting at a funeral for a family member that was just distant enough for you to be aware of them but not actually be upset but it's still a funeral so it's not like you're smiling, stick with the 1988 Blob film. Alien Space Avenger has some decent gore effects but that's all I can recall from it. Shriek of The Mutilated has one of the best titles for an otherwise uninspired yeti movie that has a needless third act twist about it being a cover for a cult and blah blah blah fuck you. Baby Blood has an alien mutant whatever crawl up a woman's vagina into her womb and she has to eat people to feed it and yeah I'm actually struggling to remember what happens here. The Mutations has a scene where a guy cuts into a tree and it bleeds, I think he's played by Donald Pleasance. Yeah, it's like Freaks except it plays to the freak show straight so you get to laugh at all the outcasts of society, no thank you.

Some odds and ends that I'd say are decent-to-pretty-good: Phase IV has some footage of ants and synth music. All you need is some footage of ants and synth music. Curse of The Faceless Man employs a rarely seen archetype of the living statue monster, it's cute. The Sadist is another starring vehicle for Arch Hall Jr., who was also the star of last Halloween's Eegah! (1962), though this film is a bold trendsetter for the 1960's with Hall being a unhinged killer holding people for ransom until they can fix his car and he can make a getaway. The film lives and dies by Hall's performance and it's mostly the latter until we get to an absolutely superb final act with him hunting down his remaining victims, it makes the whole film worth seeing. Jennifer is an oddball that plays out mostly like a character drama ("It wasn't my fault Daddy it was that stupid hillbilly bitch Jennifer") that suddenly remembers that it's supposed to be a cash-in of Carrie (1976) in the last 20 minutes and cue our titular character being able to summon and control snakes to send after her tormentors. Girls Nite Out is a plodding meandering slasher that's oddly hypnotizing considering so much of it takes place in pitch-black night and the killer is wearing a bear mascot costume with serrated knives hidden under the glove, not sure what fully to make of it. The Monster of Piedras Blancas is made up of leftover parts from the Gillman, Mole People, and Metaluna Mutant, but still manages to star in a decent enough film that gives a sense of what a series of monster attacks would do to a small seaside community. The Cat and The Canary is "cute" for lack of a better term being a horror comedy before the former genre had fully crystalized. Reefer Madness is horror adjacent more than anything but a hilariously good time about how the use of "marihuana" will drive today's youth into becoming crazed fiends and get involved in organized crime.

We can do this.

The Company of Wolves has an excellent story book like setting an atmosphere that you can't get in films nowadays and it's a shame that it's mostly remembered for its transformation sequences. it's Alive is the best Larry Cohen film by default of not sucking but it's still not "great", genius however for playing the concept of mutant newborn killer baby completely seriously without any sense of humor to the proceedings. The Girl Who Knew Too Much is almost a parody of giallo films which is interesting given those hadn't fully sprang up in 1963; absolute highlight is the main character being interviewed in bed by doctors and reporters and the like that yes she did see a murder and no she doesn't drink. I've always been fascinated and haunted by I Am Legend and while The Omega Man doesn't really capture the novel to a superb degree it's so beautifully shot that it lands high in the rankings for that alone. Night Caller From Outer Space is hilarious to me because of how it shifts halfway through from a Hammer-esque mystery about a meteorite with radioactive properties to a film about an alien that lures women in through a modeling advertisement. Blind Woman's Curse I've mentally confused with Irezumi for a while now (haha all 1960's Japanese genre films where woman have large animal tattoos on their backs are the saaame), and it's one I mostly watched for being directed by Teruo Ishii, but there's enough bloody yakuza fights and cats licking up blood for me to stick around; not the strongest Meiko Kaiji vehicle compared to Female Prisoner Scorpion or Lady Snowblood. Maniac I find mostly interesting as a precursor to American Psycho (2000) but also it's probably the only serious film to successfully pull off it's ending trope (which I will not spoil here). The Child is an absolutely lovely 1970's only-a-dozen-people-made-this-and-not-much-more-watched-it horror that oozes atmosphere, I could watch stuff like this all day. Aaand Zombie 3 is far and away the best film that Lucio Fulci has been involved with that I've ever seen. I love random scenes and set pieces of ghouls just massacring people that are shit out out of luck.

Okay, now for the ones I actually want to write about.

The Wasp Woman is one that sticks in my head way more than any other random monster movie that Roger Corman directed in the latw 1950's. I've said on here and Letterboxd that it could have served as a standard pop-feminist piece about how the cosmetology industry is built on misogyny and invariably a monster is accidentally created because of that, but this most recent viewing has made me sort of "get it" because that might be what the film is going for considering Susan Cabot's performance leads me to believe that she is aware that she is becoming a homicidal wasp monster but views it as a tragic means to an end where she still has the ability to have a new advertising campaign with her as the star. Tragic. This is why you don't wear make up.

Both Noroi: The Curse and The Wolf House are ones I didn't care for whatsoever but I put them in places on the ranking that I thought were fair given that people should probably watch them regardless of my personal thoughts. Noroi's format didn't really lend itself to the escalation of tension and reveal of information that the plot demanded and I found myself thinking it meanders quite a bit. The Wolf House was an odd one where everything that was happening onscreen bounced off of me mostly because I felt intimately aware that I was watching a movie, that someone had made something and that I was now being shown it. Blah. People like these so don't let me stop you.

Our animated offerings this year...

Michael Jackson's Halloween more than anything feels like an unlicensed creation that later had an English fan dub commissioned, not something that actually aired on CBS twice. Any laughs that I found in this thing were the unintentional type as we open up with Bubbles talking and being Jackson's chauffeur; you know exactly what you're getting into. Very little of the plot is explained but I'm assuming Jackson (who has no lines given this was made posthumously) orchestrates a dark fantasy adventure to hook two...teenagers? People in their late 20's? And convince them to follow their dreams of performing instead of working a deadend dayjob. I'm not sure who the actual audience for this was given it feels like so much of it was made for children but I will say anything that has this much of Michael Jackson's music in it can't be all bad, though I'm not sure why they didn't largely stick with tracks from the album Thriller (in the contention for best album ever, I don't care).

Gamera: Rebirth is one I feel like I'm on the outside on compared to most other tokusatsu fans because I didn't really *love* to a serious degree even though, yes, Gamera is finally back. The first three episodes are mostly just kind of a slog for me with the backhalf not doing enough to retroactively make me think highly of it, though giving off End of Evangelion vibes may make me consider that a second viewing must be in order down the line. Rebirth's strongest attribute is that it feels like it takes into consideration and influence from every prior era of Gamera, no stone is left unturned, and it's a marked contrast from how every recent Godzilla property only captures a single facet of their respective character. But that also creates unique issues like how a lot of criticism of ongoing US military presence in Japan is undercut so there can be a white kid in the main cast (because white children were always present in half of the Showa series) or having the ancient civilization that genetically engineered the kaiju now being malicious and actively sacrificing children as a means of reshaping the world gives me vaguely anti-semitic tones, I don't know, Gamera is still here, I guess.

"I was just a little twerp who liked Scooby-Doo and Smurfs, now I was viewing Cthulhu mutants ruin the Earth."

Everyday that we have Inhumanoids is a gift. Inhumanoids is another Hasbro/Sunbow production like G. I. Joe, Transformers, or Jem and The Holograms, and it is truly tragic that it never got anywhere near that level of attention compared to its siblings. The fact that a 1980's action figure tie-in cartoon is named for its antagonists is only the start; the series follows a small paramilitary outfit of scientists named Earth Core that are tasked with more or less saving the world alongside the Mutores, elemental beings, when the Inhumanoids, eldritch abominations, are unleashed. The degree of world-building beyond your typical "good guys vs. bad guys" affair is astounding with villainous humans and virtuous monsters abounding, but Inhumanoids is mostly magical and remembered for saying fuck all to any type of broadcast standards. Seeing giant monsters destroy cities, undead armies, and spelunking deep into the Earth (where nightmares begin...) are just standard fair here, as are witnessing the actual Inhumanoids such as Metlar (basically the devil) or D'Compose (giant undead entity that can zombify people by touching them and uses his ribcage like a jail cell) in action. The first five episodes here are the pilot movie of sorts for the series which only lasted thirteen overall, and they get more grissly from here on out, but maybe it's best that Inhumanoids is the short lived cartoon and no the cartoon that went soft as early as its second season. I will never not love this show, to this day it's one of my favorite animated series from any decade, much less the 1980's.

Back to our regularly scheduled live-action programming...

Student Bodies is a fascinating film for a myriad of reasons the first of which is that there were somehow enough slasher films by 1981 for there to be a comedy poking fun at all the already established genre-cliches. It's essentially Scary Movie (2000) a full 20 years ahead of the curve only actually funny in spite of the subject matter frequently being as juvenile and prejudiced; but it also reminds me quite a bit of Scream (1996) with stuff like two killers working together. All I know is I was in for a decent time when the film opens with three identical shots of a house just with different framing text: "HALLOWEEN," "FRIDAY THE 13TH," "JAMIE LEE CURTIS' BIRTHDAY" and then the killer, The Breather, calls the opening kill girl doing nothing but breathing heavily, she hangs up, he calls back with "I SAID [heavy breathing]."

Return of The Living Dead is one of those films that should have destroyed the any artifically-imposed boundaries between "high" and "low" art. Every aspect of this film is brilliantly made, it just so happens to be made for stuff like Scooby-Doo music overlaid on top of thunderstorms over graveyards where one female character is stripping to the concept of dying. Media involving ghouls is incredibly oversaturated, and this was still the case in the 1980's where a film like this had to redefine the rules to make it so killing ghouls was basically a non-option. It only recently struck me on this viewing that that's the whole purpose of removing virtually all weaknesses they have, to keep the characters as the nail instead of the hammer. Compared to the Romero films, there's never a point where anyone is in control of the situation, it just escalates further and further until there is literally no way out. Taking that into consideration, there's no way this film couldn't have been a comedy that frames people getting swarmed and eaten by ghouls as hilarious.

The soundtrack and the faux-punk sensibilities lend this a daft feeling of "you shouldn't be watching this" in spite of it not being one of the MOST gory horror films of the 1980's. I still don't get how this never broke into the mainstream. I mean somehow people know that ghouls (in this film) speak and only eat brains but I can't go down to Target and get a Tarman action figure like I can one of Michael Myers. As such Return of The Living Dead remains a criminally overlooked film regardless of its subject matter. It's made me laugh and cringe and feel disgusted and revolt at the concept at dying but mostly it's made me feel a delicious sense of joy at seeing corpses rise out of the ground to the tune of "Do you wanna party? IT'S PARTY TIIIME!" Some of you need to sit in the corner and think about your life choices for making stupid shit like Re-Animator (1985) or fucking Shaun of The Dead (2004) more popular than this, fuck you.

The act of watching Spider Baby is like discovering the missing link. For as much as 1960 gave us an explosion of horror (Eyes Without a Face, The Ship of Monsters, Psycho, Jigoku, Black Sunday, etc.) and Night of The Living Dead (1968) reins as the perennial transition point of the genre, Spider Baby is the road by which we go from The Cat and The Canary and The Old Dark House to the likes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Eraserhead, it's magical finding an essential piece of a genre you love so much. Both the former and latter points of comparison are apt as a family of now only children [and their butler] suffering from Poe-esque hereditary illness have their condemned house set upon by distant relatives and everything slowly unravels.

Lon Chaney Jr. is an actor who for the longest time I felt never got a proper chance to shine wherein the last 25 years or so of his career was spent playing as side character actor in independent films. Spider Baby is his crowning achievement. Seeing him smile through almost tears on several occasions as he has to play bridge between worlds of sanity and madness and lie to everyone that he has some sense of control over the situation is brilliant in ways I always knew he was capable of but had never seen before this point. Bravo.

I will never not love Basket Case with everything I've got. This is the epitome of 1980's horror and my clear pick for best of the decade. It has everything from being a grungy putrid grindhouse spectacle to being an intimate character drama to everything presented through a wry ironic lense where you can't tell if any "bad" performances are all done on purpose. Between this, Brain Damage (1988), and Frankenhooker (1990), there is literally absolutely no reason why Frank Henenlotter shouldn't be more popular than Stuart Gordon, Brian Yuzna, and Lloyd Kaufman *combined*. It's tragic that the world of cinema being enclosed and captured by studios again in the late 1980's prevented us from getting more from him, but realistically could we ask anymore than what we already got from Basket Case? I could watch this every day and never grow tired of it. I will never stop making more and more people watch this.

If Basket Case is the apex of 1980's horror, then Messiah of Evil is the same for 1970's horror. This is one of the most efficient horror films ever made in how not a single frame is wasted, the opening scene is literally a guy running from unseen force, seeking refuge, getting his throat slit, cue title card with synth music that then leads us to a sunburnt hallway as our narrator descends into acceptance of complete lack of control of the situation. Every night shot in this film must be 50 - 75% completely black with whatever headlight or store front there is just making the scenery look like a dollhouse that our characters are trapped inside. There's so many shots of people running away or walking down streets that make them look tiny as the camera is so far.

Every scene is an exercise in building up dread. There's no point where the film relents, something awful is not only coming, it's already here and there's nothing anyone can do. What I love particularly is that the mystery being laid out doesn't offer any answers because there's another mystery on top of what our characters find out only too late. Layers upon layers of dread that even the titular Messiah of Evil isn't the center of. The world is a cruel fucking place where this film languishes in obscurity whilst shit like The Exorcist enjoys mainstream attention. A lot of my taste amounts to "why isn't this thing I like more popular" and cases like Messiah of Evil vindicate me.

"Godzilla is the son of the atomic bomb. He is a nightmare created out of the darkness of the human soul. He is the sacred beast of the apocalypse." - Tomoyuki Tanaka

Generally a yearly trend is that a #1 pick for Halloween is self-evident to me and this year it was Basket Case for all of 30 seconds until I picked Godzilla back up.

There's something to be said how Godzilla isn't quite a horror monster? Terrifying but not necessarily creepy, but what power do things that go bump in the night have against the destruction of everything you know? Everytime I watch Godzilla is like the very first time, when flashing lights out at sea destroy fishing ships I have no idea what happened, or at least any much of a clue as anyone in film does when we're told that the entire ocean exploded.

Godzilla is a reptile, but lacks scales and its entire body is coated in keloid scars. In 1954 Godzilla must have been the largest monster every committed to film, trains are derailed from running against its ankle and bell and radio towers are throttled for being a sensory inconvenience. Godzilla's first on-screen appearance on Odo Island is obscured by a hurricane but the impression is clear; you can't fight Godzilla in the same way you can't fight a natural disaster. When Tokyo is reduced to complete ruin amidst a sea of flames, it's an onslaught of destruction never before seen in a film of this genre. Survivors being afflicted with radiation poisoning shows that Godzilla will claim victims long after being driven back to sea.

There's a sheer apocalyptic dread to all of this sensed by all the characters. Love tries to exist on the edge of annihilation. There's nothing that can be done but persevere and maybe hope tomorrow will be better. A scene that always strikes me is when Serizawa is adamant about not using the Oxygen Destroyer until forcibly confronted with the results of one night of Godzilla making landfall in Japan. The absolute pain felt by everyone in the finale starts here, things couldn't play out any differently as the "scientist of the century" can't join in and celebrate his victory.

Godzilla is a rare perfect film. I will never tire of it.

#long post

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wizardsaur · 3 months ago

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I've been struggling a lot lately. Which is fine. This is tumblr and I'm allowed to be myself on here.

I'm self diagnosed autistic, please don't come at me about this. The story's kind of funny, but I've been repeatedly peer reviewed by a over a dozen formally diagnosed autistics - in vastly different scenarios - and they all tag me within 20 minutes. Up to this point, I've managed life with whatever brain spicy... and nowadays, I feel like I have my needs met most of the time.

Which is to say, I was okay never getting diagnosis for it I live in the US and Ableism is a massive fucking problem here. I advocated, I stood with my folks. And I was proud to be a support for folks with higher needs than me.

Something is different about me, and I thought for sure I knew what it was. I figured I'd just have to work harder than all the normies for a "Normal" life. I was willing to make that work.

But now... my body doesn't stop hurting. An old friend, the first "pretty sure you're autistic" friend and I had gotten back in touch lately. I truly wanted to be friends again, because our lives kinda fell apart at the same time way back when. We didn't get a chance to really be friends, we were just sad in the same close knit circle.

So I asked her, "You have this disorder, right? This set of disorders that tend to exist together for some fucking reason..... can I give you a list of shit that's been happening lately, and you tell me if I'm crazy?"

My symptoms, as well as a million other little symptoms that put me in the: "I'm pretty sure I have hEDS and POTS, because this has been my entire life.... it's just NEVER been this bad before."

I'm starting to need mobility aids, I'm slowing down. I need to wear braces now, and I can't keep acting like that isn't the case. It's been getting bad since like, late June - and then something clicked when I tried to quit my job.

My boss is a dick and I'm an overworked overachiever. I tried to walk out quit on him, out of the blue. When we were already understaffed, I might add (and had been, for months). I got back from a road trip Sunday, and went back to work - hoping things would be better..... and it was still a shitshow. Wednesday, I decided I was leaving on my day off - Thursday.

The motherfucker got me to stay. I made a 50 year old man cry, and he got me to stay. It was desperate, and it sounded so sincere, and he promised things would change... it's been a month. His supervisor shows up next week, and her higher up too. I stayed. I believed him....

Saturday night, I'm moving slow. Everything hurts like it did on the road trip. But now it's worse, and nothing's going away like it used to. And suddenly, I remember- things aren't supposed to hurt all the time. The usual amount of pain, is no pain.

Monday at lunch... I couldn't hold a fork. I ugly cried in the break room. A customer passed me to get to the bathroom and hugged me - I don't know her name. I'm 27. I was sobbing in a stranger's hug for a minute. (Whoever you are, if you see this, thank you.)

I went to the doctor, and have been taken seriously about my hEDS & POTS concern ever since. It's only been a few weeks, and I hope I'm not jinxing it... but. Doctors and therapists have heard me, and replied: "How did you not face this sooner? That is very likely your issue. Let's direct you to the right resources."

Which is WILDLY FUCKING DIFFERENT from every single other experience I've ever read or heard from anyone else. Maybe for once, things will work the way they need to. The way they should in a perfect society. And either I'll get diagnosed as hEDS with POTS, or I won't and we can find out what the issue really is. Because I'm in chronic pain, and it fits the bill unnervingly well.

The wild thing, is my life tends to completely shift gears every yea or two- over a few weeks. In absolutely bananas story ways. I had an apocalypse vision once, lost everything a month later.

I can't help but wonder if there's some big Universal Life Test built into this experience. But I moved my altar. And I'm finishing a journal. I feel like next month will be the start of my Real Adult Life. It's hard to explain. I'm very lucky to be having a Good Side to this whole situation.

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kylewalker-peters · 2 years ago

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I saw some people saying Tottenham fans need to calm down considering they are literally still 5th and above liverpool and chelsea. Thoughts?

I mean sure there's the perspective that every team needs cause spurs are still in the prem and we're not say Southampton who are fighting for their lives, but I also don't think spurs fans are wrong to be pissed off right now. it's been building for years and years and i think everyone is finally just at the end of their tether. It's not like spurs are 5th and performing well, we're not playing like a team that should be anywhere above mid-table at best.

It's not a case of "conte bad" or "blame enic" it's everyone together making it such a calamitous shitshow.

The manager is non-committal to his future, won't adapt his tactics to suit the side he has, doesn't seem to want to do any coaching, refuses to switch up his team selection unless apparently players are (unnecessarily) BOOED off the pitch, and for some reason came to spurs and expected 100 of the world's best ready-made title winning players to come into the club when we were never going to provide that.

Our players are playing appallingly, our squad is thinner than a bald man's last remaining strand of hair, they go into the med room and never return, and there's the slight possibility we're headed for ANOTHER case of our players stopping playing for our manager.

The whole ownership of the club is a joke and is ruining the good parts of its legacy, we're never going to have the kinds of spending sprees of other top 6 sides but the lack of ambition continually displayed when it comes to player recruitment AND creating a thriving and useful academy is becoming negligible especially for the latter. we are not massively massively wealthy but we are spending like we are a lot poorer than we are. we don't back our managers, we don't know how to change and transition our squads at the right time and for a man that tries to save and obtain every penny possible the way levy refuses to sell players on before their price plummets to 50p and a freddo is crazy to me. and it's not only this lack of ambition that's killing us but the club has no idea whether it wants to be a microwavable ready meal short term winning machine (hence conte) or if it wants to be the english BVB with a focus on young talent and some experienced players to balance the side out. there's no rhyme or reason to who we buy or why we buy them. we spent all of last summer chasing djed's signature and beat out clubs like dortmund who are literally KNOWN for making young talent into stars and have given him about 20 minutes of game time all season in all competitions. we say our focus is on young talent and we always want to bring in a young player and develop them but spurs have ruined the careers of their own young talents and they're still fucking doing it now!

The whole club from the players to the manager to the recruitment staff to the academy to the owners are aimlessly wandering without any real purpose or direction or end goal, hell I'm not even sure "win a trophy" can be considered some people's objectives. as beautiful as the new stadium and training facilities are they mean nothing to fans if that's the biggest show of ambition they're going to get as if that's supposed to be their trophy from everyone involved's time at the club. at the end of the day juande fucking ramos is STILL the only manager in my lifetime to win a trophy with spurs. how can anyone defend that?

#sorry this went on for ages and got rambly i tried to cut myself off

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artisticmenace · 2 years ago

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PROSHIPPERS DNI I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!

Other DNIs below.

im approachable and you should talk to me. cue hypnosis. on or off anon. you can literally never talk to me again if you wanted. this is the internet and idk who you are or where you live ok.

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Hello, dear friends and accociates. Welcome to the normal info section.

hiii. I'm tabs. I'm suuuper gay(asexual panromantic). I'm also an artist. Any scorn or prejudice will be promptly ignored. Criticism will be looked over as long as its constructive.

profile picture forever and always by me. unless this message changes in which im not using my own art as a pfp anymore.

fun facts:

im not a stoner but a lot of people think i am

i <3 maximalism and i want to be cecil palmer

in an ideal world i would be a clown

Status:

dude i AM the stress ball

About me:

I have a bunch of OCs, and I'm writing so many (unfinished)books... Yeah, that's right. I like to suffer and die creatively TWICE!! I can not be helped. I'm just goofy like that sometimes. I hate most non canon ships for fandoms im in, but I'll probably just go "ew" and leave you alone(depends on the ship, really). I haven't been tested for autism or ADHD but enough things line up, so I'm like 80% sure. The 20% is self-doubt. I like to dress fancy, and my general look is deep woods cottagecore that has recently drank from the lake of maximalism. You won't see pictures of me, probably, because my room is NOT clean. Sometimes, I vent on here, but that's because I am the only demographic this blog needs. I love you, too, but your feelings are only being considered a little bit. I use tone tags every now and then if I feel I would be misunderstood. On that note, I am more likely to ignore or ask for clarification if you say something rancid or silly than get on your ass about it.

Those Days:

I'm gonna be making a comic called Those Days about a small town old gay couple, Scott and Rodney, telling their life's story. They've been friends since their sophomore year in high school, and they've seen a lot. Scott was a punk, to say the least.

For the actual comic, you'll need to thosedayscomic, the blog I made for the comic.

^^ I'm currently working on the first issue. I do have lots of art of them though.

Tags for my comic:

those days, those days comic. also any character names first and last.

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Current Fixations:

Camp Here and There (Waiting for S2)

Welcome to Night Vale (all caught up)

The Magnus Archives (help)

The Magnus Protocol (screaming)

Good Omens (wkealt. wbotpfalt.)

Malevolent (ep 21. kayne and kellin are my wives)

What's Currently Crippling:

good omens is going to kill me. i will never be able to think of anything else what the hell

Also:

I love interaction! I will always discuss my interests, and l o r e when asked. In other words, PLEASE TALK TO ME !!!

If you want to use my art for your pfp go ahead, just credit me.

Don't repost my art. Please and thankies.

i use ibispaintx btw and i watch the ads for my brushes

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Art Requests/Asks: Open!!

Art Trades: Open!!

DMs: Open(as long as you arent a creep or an asshole obviously)

(cant do commissions because the world hates me but dont be shy to trade me. not particular on what i get back as long as i made someone happy. cause it feels amazing to see something i did made someone happy)

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DNI LIST because I'm a little hater:

proshippers (what the fuck. what the actual fuck. fictional or not.)

active members of the hazbin/helluva fandom(if i am reminded of that shitshow when you interact with my page UTAFSHBDBDBDJNSJAGAHAOSHHAGA)

racists, sexists, homophobes, transphobes, etc

pro-israel.

18+ blogs (a whole minor)

those problematic "sexualities" (ex. super straight, MAP, zoosexual)(also RCTA what the fuck)

people who fake disabilities/mental illness

people who actively misuse words that describe mental illnesses even though they are well informed about that sort of thing

those fucking people who ruin pretty houses and antique furniture and old clothing. fuck you.

people who write smut about canonically sex repulsed asexual characters(jonathan sims) and just people who decide they dgaf about anything like that. bi-erasure, aro-erasure. anything erasure. i hope youre having a terrible day.

sydelijah shippers get out.

(this one is unserious) people who dont deadname twitter

PRO HOA YOU DONT EVEN BELONG ON TUMBLR FUCK YOU I HOPE MY FUTURE SOMEWHAT UNATTAINABLE MAXIMALIST HOME PISSES ON YOUR BABY

people who are mean to me. i havent had any yet but just in case. if you disagree with my take, thats ok bc you arent the demographic for my blog. I AM!!!! /silly srs

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Here's my sick tags:

artisticmenace - anything that is a post by me

menaceartisticity - art and art related things

themenaceuseswords- text posts. i say shit sometimes.

themenacerants - my new tag for when i lose my shit

menaceencouragement - words of solace and encouragement from me

menacepoetry - poetry/songs yeah. probably sad stuff cause im miserable sometimes

menacescrawling - writing. oh buddy boy.

menacemusicality - im a choir kid what do you want from me

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Thank you, I love you.

going to collect these things because why not

credits, top to bottom:

butterscotch-goat

cowboyinternist (2)

#intro and info #introductory post #artisticmenace #themenaceuseswords #menacepoetry #menacearticity #menaceencouragement #themenacerants #menacescrawling #menacemusicality

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destinyc1020 · 1 year ago

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You guys forget that there's a lot between "antis" and Tomdayas/nasty solo Tom and solo Z stans. Some of us have been fans of Tom since before Spider-Man, root for him as an actor, and treat his relationship like we do any other actors' relationship.

I follow people in the industry who are not Tomdayas or stans of Tom or Zendaya and even they have said they believe in Tom as an actor and want him away from the franchises. There are also people who now want Z away from Sam.

Tom is the one who let slip that he didn't want to do SM into his 20s. RDJ said the exact same thing about him. I believe Tom meant that when he said it and the cleaned it up later. Elizabeth Olsen said some things very similar in tone about her own involvement in the franchise. Look at what's happening with Brie Larson, Hemsworth, Hiddleston, Paul Rudd (who wrote stuff dunking on the MCU into this last season of Party Down), and Disney/MCU in general. It's a shitshow before you even add Sony's involvement. So, is it really a mystery why some Tom fans think it's odd that he may have signed back on for 3 more solo films plus 1-2 Avenger films?

PS: If you haven't seen the fans are here whining about needing new "content" from Tom and Z 48 hours after they were last spotted (stalked), count yourself lucky. There are definitely people who literally say they only want another SM movie because they want another press tour.

RE: Marvel...

I mean, I'll be honest, I have my own personal thoughts and feelings about the state of the MCU and some of the Marvel films that have come out during this newer phase. Mostly, the biggest thing I feel is slight over-saturation.

I'm still enjoying the films, but I almost kind of wish that Marvel would take more TIME in their releases, and work on producing a really great product, as opposed to releasing several movies per year AND on Disney+, to the point where some fans have a hard time keeping up, or fans being disappointed in the lackluster quality of the films.

I'd rather wait every 5 years for a "Dark Knight" caliber of film, as opposed to getting a new film/series every 2 months, and having lower-quality production. 👀

But that's just me. 🤷🏾‍♀️

So, is it really a mystery why some Tom fans think it's odd that he may have signed back on for 3 more solo films plus 1-2 Avenger films?

But see....here is my issue with fans.... Fans are already complaining before anything has officially been announced yet, and BEFORE we even know whether Tom will be signing on to 3 films all at once, or, will be signing on film by film (which, imo is WAY more smart).

I think fans need to chill and save their outrage for when an official announcement actually comes out. Why waste time, breath, and energy getting all riled up over something like this, when 1) it's NOT that serious, and 2) nothing has been formally announced yet? 🥴

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theoldaeroplane · 2 years ago

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anyway

my therapist thinks I am currently dealing with "ambiguous grief" which is when you are unable to receive any closure about a loss (in my case, estrangement). this is probably why i keep getting the overwhelming urge to start crying in the middle of work for no apparent reason! it's annoying!

i read something recently about it being common for trauma survivors to be fine through their 20s and then start to fall apart in their 30s. i also read something recently about how some surveys have found the average age of death for autistic adults is 36. i turned 33 last week so that's fun. on my therapist's advice I am trying to """process""" the grief, which is awkward and confusing and i do not know how to do it. current attempts involve a three hour playlist and a lot of messy drawing.

i think this has arisen now because for the last year and a half I have kind of been in survivor mode. I was burned out on my previous job, got fired from the one I took after that, was unemployed for a while, then wound up somewhere with a shitty toxic boss that actively made me feel like I was living with my parents again. it was so bad I had to quit with no other jobs lined up, so then I was unemployed again. it's only now as I kind of find myself settling into this new job that a lot of this I guess trauma response has started to turn up, as im no longer using all my energy just trying to keep the shitshow running.

ive also been coming to terms with being disabled. i never thought of myself as disabled until now and it's a big mental shift. nothing about *me* changed, apart from gaining a better understanding of myself, but now I realize that ... oh. i guess I've been disabled all along. i suppose it was more akin to turning on a light in the end. it's unpleasant to look at now, but at least I can stop banging my shins into things as often.

as always, stuff is complicated and scary. its at least not all bad, like life usually goes. ive been volunteering at a barn that does therapy work using horses and ive really enjoyed that. i got nice new sneakers last week (work has a dress code) that feel fantastic. the Adderall seems to be working. im poor, but not as poor as I thought, and I have a path out of that. im fortunate to have a good therapist and, for now at least, the ability to see him regularly. my sugar snap peas are growing taller every day. maybe they'll even grow food.

#vibe check

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jarateblog · 2 years ago

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My Rambly Complaints on Orbital's Optical Delusion

Not that anybody who reads this is really going to care, but felt like getting my thoughts put out somewhere, since I don't really have a spot on my website to put this stuff currently (and I'm still trying to stay off Twitter for the most part and its word cap would only get in the way anyways)

I've been a massive fan of Orbital's for a couple years now, and would call Snivilisation one of my favorite albums that hits me on multiple emotional levels when sitting down to listen to it in its entirety. In Sides, The Middle of Nowhere, the Brown Album, and The Altogether are more of some of what I would consider masterpieces from them, although none of their albums are bad in my opinion. This album, however, is probably the one I've been the most frustrated with due to a variety of reasons.

The lead up to this album was an absolute shitshow, to start, because the brothers clearly weren't in contact with their social media manager enough (or their social media manager was just super incompetent at their job), self-leaking songs before their official announcements, and just announcing the album about 3 months before its release. Each version of the album available is different too, the digital and vinyl releases being the most basic, while there are 3, count 'em, 3, different versions of CDs you can get: one basic, one with a separate bonus CD, and one with included bonus tracks (all three are completely different and barely vary in price). This isn't to mention how NONE of these were explained until about ONE WEEK before the album's release, fucking up many peoples' pre-order plans (and prevented me from even pre-ordering the album in the first place as a result, especially as a US citizen who gets fucked with ~20 pound shipping costs). There was a super expensive (and limited) blu-ray edition that is the only "complete" package, with all bonus tracks (minus one), with surround mixes as a bonus, but, obviously, not everybody has the money (or set up) to settle for that package. Then, there was the whole stupid N(o) F(ucking) T(hanks) shit they pulled about a week before its release too, a clear last minute ploy to squeeze a couple extra bucks out of some idiots who believe in that shit.

Funny, then, for how obviously political/environmental this album is that they wanted to sell it through such incomprehensible means. I know that sometimes labels can get in the way of music releases, but the absurdity of all this cannot be just the result of some publisher's stupidity. So, I feel everybody, especially including the band, needs to take blame for this shit. This is stuff that is actually getting in the way for normal people to just listen to music, and I wouldn't be surprised if this album ends up under-performing as a result.

About the actual quality of the album, that's very subjective, and it shouldn't surprise anybody that I am pretty sour and my opinions are biased, even if I went in with as much of an open mind as I could. There are good tracks here, but most feel extremely under-developed for Orbital's standards (and learning that none of the tracks were actually worked in collaboration between the brothers strengthens this belief).

The always common political messages for Orbital albums here are also extremely on the nose, making it annoying when I have to read every other comment on posts regarding the album complaining from dense right-wing dickheads about how they want all their music to be 'non-political.' I obviously wholly support Orbital in continuing to push their messages, but the way they do it here is far from subtle or tongue in cheek (like in almost any of their previous albums). If I'm leaning on the same side of the political spectrum that they seem to be on, and I am finding their messages to be forced or cringey, then I think there is something wrong with the presentation of the message.

Notably, the album's themes revolving around the pandemic are almost 3 years behind the time it would have made the most impact. The pandemic still affects us today, yes, but they relay their message as if the damn thing just started a month ago. It would be more impactful and relevant if the focus was more on the people who still refuse to believe the virus exists, and how that affects the rest of us, but the messages don't go any further than "the virus sucks," or "the government doesn't care about us."

I find the only standout song on here to be "Are You Alive?," which is still a bit weak in the lyrical department, and feels like it has nothing to add for the last 4 minutes when the vocals get done in the first 3. The radio edit of it was horribly done though (although radio edits never do justice to Orbital's songs), cutting off the end of the track ungracefully and shortening the space between the main lyrics before there is time to let the music speak. It's unfortunate, because this song had potential to be one of their best in their whole catalogue.

I only recently got to listen to some of the bonus tracks (because somebody had to sneakily upload them on to Youtube), and it's a damn shame they weren't included on the main album (which is already under an hour in length, so come the fuck on with that). They are perhaps some of the best developed tracks out of this release, and it's completely insane that nobody told whoever was in charge to just put them all in the one package (hell, it would even further justify the album being a 2xLP, since the fact its only 51 minutes is just a waste of vinyl plastic at this point).

I'm just extremely frustrated with this release. While Monsters Exist in 2018 was one of my least favorite albums of theirs up until this point, I could still listen to it in basically any way I wanted to without issue, and it gave me plenty of time to develop my thoughts on what is still a great album of theirs. This album, on the other hand, actively prevents me from experiencing some of its best material, and the main experience does not hold much to me on its own. This is the first time I can say that I dislike an Orbital album, and it pains me to say it, after holding all 30 years of their output beforehand in high regard. I can't help but feel like this was made to just put some extra cash in their pockets, since Paul Hartnoll's solo work probably isn't making him that much money and who knows what the hell Phil does outside of the band.

#orbital #choppost #review #rant #music

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majaloveschris · 11 months ago

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Maja I think I understand why some people believe this marriage is PR but from my point of view it's just people's way to try to cope with the fact that Chris is not the man they thought he was, so they try to paint it like he was "forced" to be in this relationship like he's not a millionaire who can do whatever he wants with his life...see I could write an entire essay about "why this makes sense" but I honestly think it wouldn't matter 'cause people will believe what they want to believe, I guess once the rose colored glasses are off people will finally see the obvious reality in front of them which is, he married a younger woman just like most man in Hollywood and he's happy with his choice otherwise he wouldn't have married her, and he's talking about his marriage and showing off his ring at every opportunity because he wants everybody to know that he is a married man, that's why all the articles about the wedding and so on...now I don't know how long this relationship is going to last due to the big age difference, only time will tell.

I see where you are coming from, and I agree that one of the reasons why it's so hard for some people to believe in this being real is because it would be hard to accept that he is okay with their behavior or that he is just like them.

However, I find it simply impossible that he would've been able to keep his true side hidden. And I don't care how good Disney's PR team is; there is now a way, in my opinion, that he would've been able to act like a whole different person for the last 20+ years, every time, in every situation. I know we don't know him personally, but I think his being racist or antisemitic would've made quite a buzz. And he wouldn't have friends or wouldn't have dated someone if he despised something in them; that is a really determining attribution to the person they are.

If there is a contract, he is indeed "forced" to be with her if he doesn't want to have its consequences, and I'm not talking about paying a certain amount of money, but other things too, which I won't mention since I don't want to give ideas. He could've been, however, pressured into this PR shitshow by his team for whatever reasons. If it's PR and if there is a contract, then yeah, he was stupid to get involved, but that is Hollywood, and people have done way worse things for roles or money than being involved in a PR relationship. So yeah, if it's fake, he was stupid to sign anything or to think it's a good idea.

What you don't understand is that most people have bigger problems with her than her age. See, their age when they met (23; 39) is problematic since she was in her early 20s, and if there wasn't any other problem with her, maybe I would also be fixated on their age gap. But the biggest problem, and why a lot of people don't support their relationship, is her and her friends' behavior. Their antisemitic, Nazi-supporting, fatshaming words and their immaturity are the biggest problems. People (women and men both) get married to younger or older people every single day, and while I don't agree with most of those, here we have much bigger problems.

But why does he want people to know it this much? Why? Why does a relatively private guy need this much buzz around his relationship when he hasn't felt the need for it for years? What are they trying to prove? That they are legit? Or that they are happy?

Considering everything that has happened and how they look when they are around each other, I'd rather believe this is fake than that they are happy together or that he is like them.

#majaloveschris #chris and alba pr #chris and alba relationship #cevans-love

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draiochteve · 2 years ago

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A personal update post?

I’m doing a throwback here doing an update personal blog post. Kinda nostalgic doing this again after all this time away from tumblr, but I think it’s good to bring these thoughts into more of a public existence for historic sake. This existed and witnesses saw it. If you follow me on tumblr, a lot of this will be repeats with extra details and rambling, but there will be some new. Life is taking another shift. I’ve been hired back where I once worked, but now under sales until I get shifted to office management. How do I feel about it? Lukewarm. The money is always nice and this time the job isn’t destroying me physically. Mentally? Up in the air. Dealing with entitled customers and my anxiety with it all is a lot, but I am hoping with time I’ll adjust like it’s nothing. And with the end goal being no longer in sales, but desk work management type stuff, I’ll suffer it. It’s clear I’m heavily needed and wanted so I’m considered of value. Thankfully, I’ve learned to throw that around for leverage to set boundaries and so far they are being respected. Fingers crossed. The days are counting down until my wedding to my partner of 8 years. September 30th of next year and he’ll be living here by August at the latest. I still feel guilty dragging him out across the country to start our lives proper, but with all the circumstances, this is the best shot we have to finally getting me out of this shitty state and away from all my family. Am I taking advantage of the low ass rent and the goodwill of my family to get the best shot I have to get the best slingshot away from them I can? Yes. And while I know it’ll cause a shitshow when all gets revealed, after all they’ve put me through I consider this repayment. So where am I creatively? The best way to describe it is semi-dormant. It’s all there, lying underneath sediment of depression, exhaustion, and suffocation from my environment and my own fuck ups. I’ve self-sabotaged knowingly and unknowingly which paired with all my usual has really fucked me over. But I’ve making some changes to fuel my creativity and hopefully bear fruit once the holidays pass. For starters, I’m abandoning all word counting. When my therapist initially suggested it, she was trying to get me to see how every little bit I did contributed and meant something. And she wanted me to recognize just how much I was creating that I myself discounted. It’s helped me recognize just the sheer volume I’ve written since diving back into fic and that is something to be proud of. However, that has transformed from recognition of my hard work to competing with myself. I began beating myself up for not reaching arbitrary goals and forced myself to write a lot that I wasn’t happy with just to meet numbers. And for some people that works, but not for me. So instead, I’ve invested in a secure journal with a padlock and have begun tracking ideas instead that I wish to bring to life in some way. Stories exist in as many or as few words as they need. No word count can reasonably predict that that will be. I’ve begun working on the journal slowly, filling it with concepts and ideas I plan to write and ones I already have because it’s important to recognize my accomplishments. I have published a lot and I should be proud of that. There’s over 32 JaphRaha stories I intend to tell and well over 20+ more for other pairings, fandoms, characters, etc even if just one offs to fill a void for myself in regards to content. (I’m not going to lie, the bulk are pegging femdom fics. I’m sorry but too many characters out there deserve a good railing via the strap and NO ONE ELSE IS DOING IT so I suppose it falls to me.) Perhaps in a future post I’ll post pictures of my pages and plans, but most likely not. Just know they are plentiful and many I have yet to speak to others besides ramble’s in friend’s DMs. I have many years of my life left in me and these will be part of my legacy. Slowly but surely, they will come. And following the train of thought about legacies and leaving something for the world, I’ve been pondering greatly again about all my original fiction. I keep it under lock and key because they are born purely from myself and my experiences, but there will come a time I need to bring them to life. I’ve felt more confident and sure of myself about it than I have in years. There’s a clear desire for what I write and what I intend to make. Will I self publish? I’m not sure. A lot of the publishing world is fucked especially when it comes to sapphic stories which is a chunk of what I’m working on. Dare I brave it? I might be stubborn enough to bash some agents over the head about it, but otherwise I’m okay self publishing. Gotta think up a pen name though. Who should I be? What kind of enigmatic author will I become to the masses? Whoever I am, I’m sure y’all will be able to spot me like a volcano in the sea. Still working on mastering bookbinding for my own selfish desires binding my favorite fics, rebinding my fav books, and possibly binding my own stories. I still plan to make a zine once I’m settled and moved out and have finished the remaining pre 5.3 stories I have on my priority list. About 5 more to go? Plus a planned bonus story for the zine. Part of the project is also rewriting/re-editing some of my older JaphRaha fics so I’ll need to take some time for that. Otherwise, I’m looking forward to FINALLY doing that passion project and having it in my hands. Don’t worry, everything will be uploaded to Ao3 in a single multichaptered work eventually. But I still love the idea of it existing in the physical realm. The next year is going to be a big change for me. And it will end with me finally out of my parent’s house and away from a lot of the shit I get subjected to. Following it, I’m suppose to undergo a lot of new evaluations from my doctor and a psychiatrist (been putting it off until I’m out of here bc ofc my depression is through the roof atm) and make some plans to go from there. It’s scary, but maybe I’ll finally get proper answers. Idk how much I’ll change as a person being away as well. A lot of unknowns that I should have known a long time ago. So, here’s to the future. To the friends I’ve made and still keep near and dear who support me and my ridiculous JaphRaha rambles in their DMs. To new readers and old that I’m grateful are listening to me in the void. To bettering myself and finally getting some wiggle room to grow bigger than I ever thought possible. A lot of you have been here with my struggles and triumphs. And I hope to make everyone proud that I’ve finally escaped and am thriving. One step at a time. And every step is worth it.

#draiocht rambles #personal

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xxmolls · 5 months ago

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Time for a pinned post! Hi! I'm Molly (technically Mariel, but my nickname has been Molly since before I was born!). she/her, in my 30's, Missouri (US).

I am a singer/songwriter, though when I was 19 and hellbent on making that my career, I got sick with late stage neurological lyme disease. My health has been a dumpster fire since then, and I spent basically all of my 20's on-and-off bedridden (You can follow that SUPER fun journey under the tag health ramble -- I have had this tumblr since I was 19 so we have gone through a lot of shit together). When I turned 30, after getting treatment for MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), I finally started to get my life back. I have been diagnosed with Tourette's since I was 4. That has added an interesting dimension into my "medical mystery," which tends to fascinate (and befuddle) doctors AND ALSO keeps things somewhat entertaining day to day. I find a lot of humor in my tics (though sometimes they can be pretty debilitating!). I worked at a summer camp for kids with Tourette Syndrome for 4 years, so I love meeting and chatting with fellow ticcers and consider myself an advocate. I have recently begun writing kind of personal essays that explain inspirations for songs I wrote and connect them to what was going on in my life (and often my health shitshow) at the time. I've been tagging those with My Writing if you are interested in reading (or blacklisting). I recorded an album of original (mostly Americana) songs years ago. You can listen to that on Spotify at Molly Trull - "Nothing Is Enough" It's available on basically every streaming / music service you can think of (including youtube). Just search my name and the album title (Nothing Is Enough). My bandcamp is here if you want to buy and download the mp3s to own.

Some of the songs on the album are literally songs I wrote in high school, just to warn you. I feel like I have outgrown them a bit. I am still proud of my songs, though, and I think the album doesn’t sound too bad.

I have an old soundcloud account where I have uploaded some of the songs from my album as well as some home demos, and some covers I have done. You can find that here I post a lot of music that I love to listen to and that has inspired my own songwriting. You can find all that at my music tag.

I write about my family a lot because we have a lot of family lore and frequent shenanigans. You can find those posts under the tag my flamboyantly dysfunctional family

I watch a lot of tv. I am involved in several fandoms. I am a gigantic fucking nerd. Find my tv fandom-y posts under tv

I love my dogs and post pics of them a lot because I think they are super cute and ridiculous. Find those furry idiots (affectionate) under my dogs

Thank you for reading this monstrosity of a pinned post, and feel free to send me an ask anytime! I love making new friends.

Molly

#pinned post #music #my music #intro

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crystalelemental · 11 months ago

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Today has been an absolute fucking shitshow.

I want to preface this with the knowledge that this cat is the first pet I've really had. My family had dogs, but it was...let's just say it was not a good situation, and we tended to get rid of the dogs before they were in a position to be put down. So a lot of this is new to me, I don't know what's normal, and every time we talked about the situation to people, we got the same response: "You're doing this right, it's better to go a day early than a day late."

To jump to the conclusion: babycat is still alive. The vet did come over, and talked about how all things considered, she still seemed in decent condition. Super lethargic and a little raspy, but apparently the fact she's still eating is sufficient to say she's doing okay. But he checked her lungs too, and apparently they're surprisingly clear? So like. Okay. Strongest diseased lungs. Far surpassing expectations on life expectancy. He said she would likely survive through New Years, into the week they'd be open again.

So okay, now the fuckery.

This was scheduled for 12-2. Somewhere in there, hard to say exactly when given schedules run late sometimes, but in that area. We get a call at 12:20, asking when we're bringing her in. ...no, you're coming to us. That was the entire reason for scheduling this, was that she's scared to go to the office and scared to go in her carry case by association. We're not doing that to her. After some apologies and an explanation that they don't usually do in-home for cats (but do for dogs, go fucking figure), in addition to my wife cancelling because I couldn't talk I was crying so hard, and them calling back to offer coming out after hours due to the mix-up, we were back on for this. Only for him to show up, look at her, and ask us what made us think this was the time. As if you didn't tell us we needed to schedule in advance for in-home.

So at this point, we're not doing in-home. This is the only local vet, but to be honest, this was a disaster. He doesn't even seem to remember that he scheduled this appointment for us personally with this condition in mind. And when we talked about options, and how the in-home could be scheduled again but if something happens before then, what do? My bottom line was, if we needed to, we could bring her in. All I would ask is that we be there with her.

And we could not get a straight answer. He didn't say no, but he sure didn't say yes. If anything it sounded like the expectation is drop off the pet and he'll do it between appointments. Which. No. I'm not bringing her, leaving her, alone and scared, until they decide they can sneak it in.

We were so clear about all of this. I cannot stress enough that we spent that entire appointment doing nothing but talking about needing to be there and therefore doing it at home. And it fell through spectacularly. Worse than I could've imagined. And now we're being told that, if we don't schedule in advance for the home visit, that we may not even be able to stay with her when they do have to put her down? No. No, we will travel the hour to an urgent care when it's time, and we will be staying with her. I'm so done with this. I'm so mad.

The good news is, cat remains. Her diseased baby lungs are still powerful, it seems. She's definitely on the decline, but we get more time, and we're not agonizing over whether it's too soon or whatever. We're going somewhere they'll let us stay with her. I don't know how long it will be. She declined quickly and this may come on quickly. But I am far, far too tired now to think about this. My baby is still alive, and as long as she is, we're going to take care of her. And when it's her time to go, we're going to be there with her, no matter how far we have to go to make it happen.

#personal shenanigans

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silly-jellyghoty · 2 years ago

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Aroace here. I had a similar thing going on in my family FOR YEARS. Like sure, i would date people as a teenager because at that time i really didn't know who i was into or who i was myself and you gotta try a few things before you realize that maybe it's not this person or that, maybe it's you, that somehow doesn't fit into the usual narrative.

But ok, eventually i have figured myself out, stopped dating people, and carried on with my happy life. That is until questions started coming in. And at first they were supportive. Are you dating someone you don't want us to meet? Is it a girl? Are you affraid of what we would say? You know that we love you no matter what, right?

Sounds ok and accepting, doesn't it? Well it did until i answered no to all. Every bow and then they would ask again, kind of checking in, which is fine and normal i guess.

Then few years later, questions started to be more accusatory. Why are you hiding your date from us? (I didn't, there was no one.) When are you going to settle down? (I already did, sort of, still working on it, but i have an appartment i don't see myself leaving in at least next 10 years if i can help it.) Are you even ever going to make us into grandparents? (You already are to my niece and you don't give a fuck about that kid!) Do you really want to spend your whole life alone? (Excuse me, i have literally 20+ pets and every now and then i hang out with people. How is that "whole life alone"?) Why are you still so stubborn about this? You know that you won't find yourself a husband if you keep being like this? (DING DING DING! THAT'S THE POINT!)

They know what i want and what not. I have been saying LITERALLY the same thing since i was like 17 and even before that i have told them MULTIPLE TIMES that i am not dating people to marry, but to have fun, to hang out with, and to have sex with (that part turned out tobe old and boring fast enough but when i was still in the curious stage it used to be true), only to tell them few years later that i'm done with doing any of that, because it isn't really for me since apparently i am an aromantic.

Do you think it stopped them from trying to hook me up with random sad excuses for a future husband at least once a year in past 5 years? Or from them not so subtly hinting that one of my coworkers is a lesbian and that she has recently broke up with her partner? Or informing me about the new law legislation in my country that now allows single people to adopt kids? Even though i have time and again explained that i never did and never will want a romantic partner or a child of my own, they still keep bothering me with it. I'm in my 30s, ladies and gentlemen, and my sister is pregnant with her 2nd kid. You think they ever get nosy about her domestic life like that? Nope.

Acceptance my ass. I swear, they think that this is just some sort of a phase (it is not) that will soon go away (i've been saying these things for past 15 years so good luck with waiting it out) and that one day i will just wake up with this urge in my heart and the heat in my groin climbing up the first warm body i see or something (*full body cringe*)

Now i have not been on speaking terms with my dad for a while now and mom is on a thin fucking ice for a whole different reason, but damn, they suck! If they accepted me the way they pretend they do, then maybe we could work on fixing other stuff that's wrong with our family. And if they were total screaming and crying assholes about it, well, thwn maybe i would have cut them out entirelly years ago.

But this... It's just dragging on. It's giving me a bad taste every birthday and every holiday when i know that i somehow have to show up for mom at least, hoping that something may change, while dad just sits on the couch grunting and pretending that i don't exist (which i prefer honestly. Our conversations used to be a total shitshow not so long ago).

I hate it. I hate them. I hate that i don't hate them enough to give up on them entirely. I hate that this stupid human brain of mine is somehow still wired to crave their attention and affection i no longer need or want, rationally speaking. And i hate that they know that they can guilt trip me into visiting them for the sake of granma that is always so CONVENIENTLY coming over when i have my days off.

And then, just between other topics, they passive-agresively ask the same thing again.

So did you think about this whole settling down thing?

*screaming biting chewing on my hair with hands flying through the air*

I feel like we always see parents who are 100% super supportive allies, or parents who are horrible and cruel. At least in media or in the most popular stories. But I feel like that ignores just how many people have parents where you just have no idea? And even if you think they’ll accept you on a surface level, you don’t know if they have a breaking point. Especially if you need to go on hrt, or request they change the way they think about and refer to you. Sure they’re liberal and all, or centrists, or “tolerant”, but how far does that stretch?

I think most closeted LGBT+ kids live like this, wading around in the grey area. I’d like it of more of us knew that was normal, I’d like if we talked about it more.

#queer #lgbtqa+#ace #aro #aroace #to them this is some 5D psychological manipulation chess game i swear

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