#penis various

[angelextinction]

tag system below

penis serious - textposts, by me

penis delirious - favorite posts

penis mysterious - asks

penis various - misc fandom posts

penis hilarious - laugh rule tag

[chillyfeetsteak]

i need to be disassembled, i need the rust and mineral buildup to be scraped away and all my parts carefully polished and lubricated. i need the dust and grime powerwashed and i need a hard factory reset performed before i am professionally reassembled and switched on

[unskilledpoint]

im ntot rlly shore whgavat to tel yu. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I think you can stop with the m.

ai ddid thts whay thers a perido ther

My bad

its ok.

[I teleport next to you] Um, hi? Not really sure what to say or do, or if this is real or if I'm just really good at imagining it right now.

Oh boy. Who the fuck are you?

yur noet imagieingin it btw. wel depnds on haow meta were gettign.

[slashingdisneypasta]

F/O Imagine/Question

Thinking about Adult Online Shopping with your F/O(s). Like, not even searching for toys to use together- you were just casually looking for something new for yourself, your alone time, and your F/O(s) just happen to walk by and get curious. Did they know before you that you masturbate? If not, how do they feel about it? Are they shy about looking at this stuff with you? Do they try to initiate funky time because of this? Are they cool an casual?

Now imagine actually going to the adult store with them XD

[steampunkedparm]

should i giggle or be mortified

[crehador]

brother crab's 2023 seasonals in review: winter

there were some bonkers good series this year, and i apparently watched or am watching... 75 of them! what the hell lmao let's see what stood out to me in winter

revenger and benriya saitou-san, isekai ni iku were the two gems for me, and ironically i didn't follow either as it aired. both were very bingeable and if it had had just... a slightly less unsatisfactory ending... revenger would've been an easy anime of the season pick for me

but alas, with the ending revenger does have, i'd say it's a tie with saitou-san, which really gets a boost from its surprisingly uhhh poignant dog ate penis arc

in terms of sequels (which i tend to weigh separately from anime originals or new adaptations) everything was pretty good, we had bsd s4, tsurune s2, gokushufudou s2, and the vampire dies in no time s2

tsurune s2 gets the win for best sequel of the season for me, if only because it provided some of my new favorite seiya moments

quickfire thoughts on some others:

ooyukiumi no kaina wound up being a little bit of a disappointment after some beautiful and fascinating worldbuilding in the first episode

high card was decent enough for me to add the upcoming season to planning but the team dynamics haven't really grabbed me yet

koori zokusei danshi to cool na douryou joshi was some mild cute fun but the pacing felt really wonky at times, and it was swiftly outclassed by watakon later in the year

tomo-chan wa onnanoko! was not terribly memorable, but i did appreciate that it was a full/complete adaptation

shuumatsu no vlkyrie ii also originally released this season, but i didn't binge the whole thing until later this year. it's a banger they got gyaru buddha here what more can i say

the idol series of the season, technoroid and uniteup, were both fine. fun! but besides like one anela song neither series had me looping any music

speaking of music

op of the season goes to tristamp and ed of the season goes to nier, absolutely no contest (which is very refreshing because it's usually so difficult for me to pick lol)

uhh... what else would be good to include... otp of the season? might not always have one but raizou &/ usui (revenger) briefly had me by the balls for sure lmao

[anotherpapercut]

I love all of my followers equally except everyone who has the word penis in their url I love you guys more

[nonebinary-leftbeef]

Are you feeling penis serious? Or are you feeling penis delirious? Perhaps even penis mysterious?

[katarascape]

microdosing on pissing with a dick by holding a garden hose between my legs

[dataentryspecialist]

Smut writers be like

there are so many words to use in place of “penis” in regards to smut. there’s dick. or shaft. we got cock. member. organ. length. hell, even manhood! all are acceptable replacements.

but what do we have for the testicles? nuts? no thank you. ballsac or, lord forbid, just sac? i’d literally rather be tarred and feathered. using their government name and just calling them testicles? take me out back and gimme the ol’ yeller treatment.

how has the english language evolved so much yet we have no acceptable word for testicles in a sexy context? how can we claim we’ve advanced as a society when the best word for describing when two characters are fucking nasty and the noble and mighty testes are swaying about is balls?

BALLS

[girlsbestcopulation25]

The actress specializes in extreme smooch love, therefore, in this collection, in addition to like itself, smooch is also involved in its various manifestations - group love, kiss, urine .

It's said pink that she goes on to touch with her lollipop, prior to she bringing the candy to her mouth. CONTINUE...

[tiredpassenger]

as someone who works at an actual casting company that casts pretty much any jewellery from delicate 3-d printed designs to beginner wax sculptors' handmade abominations, i can tell you that this is definitely not the worst shit i have seen during the two years i have worked there. For example, we have a customer who likes to do stone sets, and by stone sets i mean a massive fucking stone with a little bit of wax wrapped around it that cannot physically hold the stone. The stones do crack from time to time, but that doesn't stop her. And yes, whenever we see shit like this, we do tell the customer that they're a fucking idiot the casting will most likely fail, but they don't care. Still, I cannot even begin to guess what fucking metal that is. It looks like there's some silver involved on some rings (not the clawed monstrosity), but... I'm honestly inclined to think they cast that at home. Moreover, they likely think that the crudeness is part of the charm.

kinda obsessed with these, clearly beginner, rings on Etsy being marketed as garnet when i'd bet money that they are glass

the metal work is. certainly better than what i've ever made, so i don't want to speak to harshly. but uh. um.

[maid-en-gubal]

All it took was but a single moment, their eyes locked and suddenly she could see it all. Rouge-tinted lips ever so slightly parted as she softly inhaled, lost in a sea of fleeting memories -- of clandestine meetings when luck would allow at the Saucer; a moonlit stroll on paths nearer the rustic country of Gridania; a kiss shared on the golden sands of the Lominsan coast.

It was only ever twilight, the sun hanging low on the horizon amidst blush colored skies, shying away from bolder games lovers played. A voice cries out, louder and louder with every star that begins to dot the darkening canvas, a name lost in silken sheets as they lose themselves in one another until finally they crest over the edge --

"Excuse me."

Rofan blinked. It was slow, almost unnervingly so as the creature came back to themself, disengaging from the various plotlines that had suddenly come to mind. She tilted her head, an amicable acceptance to converse.

"Yes?"

"It's just, you've been staring at me for a while," the flaxen feline huffed, shoulders squared and face turned away just so, seemingly affronted.

Were it not for the curious glances of baby blues -- once, twice, thrice from the upturned corners of feathered lashes -- Rofan might have been inclined to believe that was the case, would have missed the curious swivel of pointed ears, the flick of a too long tail. Her own ears shuddered in turn, partly out of necessity to maintain her facade. Another part something else.

"Apologies if I've disturbed you," she drawled, just loud enough for the other to hear and leaning in ever so slightly for her body language to convey her invitation. "You caught my eye and I was..."

She paused, eyes roving this way and that as she made a show of finding her words. Ultimately she gave a dreamy sigh, a sundrenched hand coming to rest over the fluttering she could almost pretend was in her chest.

"I was positively struck."

The miqo'te, mollified, bashfully turned their attention onto the Viera; even sitting, she seemed statuesque, commanding the shrinking space between them as the cat unwittingly sidled closer, their earlier apprehension forgotten. Abandoned, really. There'd been something about the woman that had set them on edge, an almost instinctual revulsion. But with those pretty pink eyes staring them down, the curve of her cupid's bow was more akin to a promise.

"Is that so?" They pressed, after a thoughtful silence that seemingly stretched towards eternity, but was little more than a breath. "Caught your fancy then, have I?"

Rofan chuckled, the sound rich with a dark sort of sweetness.

"It was love at first sight."

The confession came easily, much to the other party's embarrassment. Round cheeks heated, the roseate skin creeping down the column of their neck to disappear beyond the neckline of their tunic; Rofan made no secret of her delight at the sight, eyes cresting as her head tilted endearingly. Her ears twitched with an energy that simmered just beneath the surface of her skin, restrained. At least for now.

"My, how adorable," she crooned, elbows coming to rest upon the table as the backs of her knuckles held her chin aloft, attentive. "I could just eat you up!"

There was a warning there --

"I... I have a room at the Hourglass?"

-- somewhere. One that had sailed clear of the receiver's senses as they swallowed thickly with anticipation. It was unfortunate, then, that the opposition had patience in spades.

"Eager, aren't we?" She teased, the toe of a banded heel deliberately poking out to ghost along an exposed ankle. The barely there gesture was enough to evoke a full-body shudder as goosebumps bloomed over paler skin.

"There's no need to rush; I've only just found you, my dear, and we have all the time in the world."

After that, it didn't take much to coax them into taking the seat opposite her at the small table. Perhaps it was the endearments, or maybe the small physical intimacy. Regardless, the cat was only too happy to acquiesce, relishing in the attention that came with her professed love. And Rofan smiled. Already the prologue of another romance was unfurling before her, and she was all too ready to delve into its pages and read it through to its predetermined end.

[ozzgin]

Love your latest fic with the octopus hybrid, and got reminded of how I remember hearing how one of an octopus' tentacles is technically it's penis.

And I can't help but think of the potential ways a sea creature could mate with a human and it is just filth. Like, those suckers/suction cups leaving red marks, being held with those extra limps, the regular hands touching various parts to see the difference between himself and his human darling.

Just the idea of even kissing this octopus hybrid got me giggling and smiling.

-hand biter spouse

Referencing Yan! Octopus

The funny part is, said tentacle is inserted into the female’s mantle cavity, which in human terms would count as roughly the head area. So you just gave me the silliest idea. Poor octopus boy is poking your head all over, trying to find the entrance, until you have to stumble and fumble and awkwardly point at your coochie. Ah. Of course. He got a little too excited and forgot the technical details.

[sufficientlylargen]

I used to work for a company that, among other things, had to implement web versions of some standardized medical forms, and there were a whole bunch of questions about the person's gender, sex, sexual orientation, potential transness of sexual partners, etc. that at first struck me as things they shouldn't need to know until I realized that the actual problem was that they wanted to ask "Do you have ovaries and a uterus and do you ever do anything that might possibly expose them to sperm" but for some reason couldn't bring themselves to ask that directly.

Ah yes, the 3 genders. Male, female, and “what the fuck are you, a cop?”

[ravioliet]

had a dream the other day that tumblr started banning people's accounts for the kung pow penis thing so people started changing it to Kung Fu Panda instead because that bypassed the banning somehow, and then it evolved into people just teaming up to spam posts they didn't like with pictures of Po from Kung Fu Panda and everyone knew what it meant

i remember at one point seeing a post with some really bad take and there being a really long chain of reblogs underneath with various images of him