#peacenicks | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pcwpolwrestling · 8 months ago

Text

3/10-Extreme Political TV/Super Tuesday Clash

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Political TV Sunday March 10th, 2024 Taped Tuesday in South Padre Beach, Texas

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder of ‘That Big New York Newspaper that Pushes Narrative as News’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

Opening The energy in the arena was electric, palpitating with an intensity that could ignite the ocean itself. “PCW… PCW… PCW…” The chant grew louder and more fervent as Johnny Suave stood tall and proud in the center of the ring, his voice cutting through the cacophony like a knife through butter.

“Hello everyone and welcome to Political Championship Wrestling!” he bellowed, igniting a frenzy in the crowd. South Padre Island erupted, spring breakers’ voices melding with those of die-hard wrestling fans, their cheers creating a symphony of unabated excitement.

“Tonight,” Suave continued, his hands gesturing as if to physically grab each word from the air, “we’re bringing the heat to South Padre Island, Texas! Get ready for the Super Tuesday Clash showdown between Nikki Haley and Donald Trump… and PCW CEO Joe Biden will also be in action tonight!”

Professor McCarthy Segment His words were barely out before the atmosphere shifted, the mood turning as sour as day-old beer left under the Texan sun. Berkeley, California, Professor McCarthy strutted down to the ring, his Flock (Codee Pink, Emily S. List, The Young Jerks, and The Legion of Anti-Fascists aka…LOAF) in tow, their faces set in a self-righteous sneer that matched their leader’s.

McCarthy clutched his ‘good book of politically correct things, thoughts, and views’ against his chest as if it were the last bastion of hope in a world gone mad with freedom.

“Charlie Blackwell, you insult every intelligent person,” McCarthy spat, his voice dripping with disdain. “by the way you prance around with that fake belt when you have no moral authority to call yourself the World Champion!”

The crowd in the red seats booed, their disapproval raining down like a storm of discontent. McCarthy turned his venom toward the new PCW Tag Team Champions. “And the so-called new tag team champions… the jingoistic, nationalistic Starz N. Stripes and Stone Chism are unworthy of the glory they carry on their shoulders. The Green World Order are the moral champions.”

But then, like a bolt from the blue, Charlie Blackwell emerged, unphased, a smirk playing on his lips. “I’ll take on anyone you put in front of me tonight,” he declared. “And hell, I’ll even do it with one hand tied behind my back-“

Before the words fully left his mouth, chaos ensued. The Green World Order (GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA) ambushed Blackwell, but the American Heartland Coalition was quick to respond. ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan joined the fray, their fists flying like flags of rebellion.

The brawl spilled out of the ring, a maelstrom of bodies colliding with a ferocity that shook the very foundations of the PCW. They crashed through the ropes, battling tooth and nail as they disappeared backstage, leaving the crowd in a feverish state of awe and anticipation.

“Only at PCW, folks,” Suave said, shaking his head with a mix of disbelief and admiration, “can you find such an unhinged cocktail of wrestling and raw political satire.” The scene faded, but the echo of the crowd’s chants lingered, a testament to the madness that was Political Championship Wrestling.

Video Clip of Joe Biden’s State of PCW Address The lights dimmed, tension crackled in the air like static electricity as PCW CEO Joe Biden, wearing a hooded cloak in darkness and mystery right out of a world-famous movie space movie franchise, took center stage earlier this week for the State of PCW address. His voice boomed, each word laced with the confidence of a man who held power in the palm of his hand. “Under my reign, PCW has been lifted from the slums of obscurity to the pinnacle of political wrestling entertainment,” he declared, his eyes piercing through the shadows under the hood of his Emperor Palpatine-like robe.

The crowd roared as Biden took the stage, his face twisted into a sneer as he scanned the sea of red hats and American flags. “American Patriots,” he spat, drawing out each syllable with disdain. “Donald Trump… You and your extremist MAGA followers are relics of a bygone era.” The room erupted in a mixture of jeers and cheers, but Biden waited for the fervor to swell before continuing. “Let’s also not forget the unticketed issue,” he added, gesturing towards the overflowing crowd. “People who try to get into PCW events without paying for a ticket do so illegally.”

In a stark contrast, Dawn McGill stood in her office, surrounded by the reminders of her sacrifices – the stills from her Henhouse photo shoot (the tamest and tasteful ones). “No, it’s not,” she retorted sharply, her eyes scanning the images that chronicled her journey to revive PCW. “This is the price I paid to breathe life into this federation.” Her gaze was steely, unflinching, as she embodied the spirit of resilience.

Back at the broadcast desk, Johnny Suave couldn’t resist a wry smile, “McGill should do it again to help pay off the national debt.” His quip hung in the air, a playful jab at the absurdity of it all.

Replay: Joe Biden Super Tuesday Clash Match Highlights “Welcome back folks,” Suave said, his voice cutting through the arena as he sat beside Colleen Crowder, the narrative-driven journalist whose words shaped perceptions. “Up next, we have the Super Tuesday Clash match.

“Absolutely, Johnny,” Colleen chimed in, her voice carrying the weight of her paper’s narrative. “Biden absolutely knocked it out of the park with his address. He’s on track to dominate PCW for another four years and prove why he deserves to be the Supreme CEO of PCW.”

The moment arrived. The match began with Biden, still donning his ominous Palpatine-ish garb, pushing the hood back to reveal a glare that could cut glass. Across the ring, a red-shirted jobber trembled, straight out of a Star Trek episode, perhaps already accepting his fate.

“Look at the intensity in Biden’s eyes!” Suave exclaimed as the bell rang. But then, pandemonium erupted when Biden unleashed a devastating laser beam from his eyes, missing his intended target and accidentally striking a security guard in the backdrop, who dropped to the floor in a heap.

“Wrong direction, Mr. CEO!” Suave shouted, the crowd gasping in horror. Aides scrambled, redirecting Biden’s gaze toward the hapless jobber, who was promptly incinerated by another burst of Biden’s laser vision. The match ended almost as soon as it began, the red-shirted wrestler reduced to ash, a victim of the merciless display of power.

“An easy win for Biden,” Colleen boasted, brushing off the accident with the security guard. “Just a preview of the Blue Wave coming in November!”

Suave raised an eyebrow, “What about the poor guard?”

But Colleen had no time for collateral damage, her narrative unshaken. “This is PCW, Johnny. It’s survival of the fittest.”

The camera lingered on Suave’s face, a mix of concern and disbelief etched across his features as he contemplated the brutal nature of Political Championship Wrestling.

Spring Break Update “Chaos backstage!” Woodward Bernstein’s voice cut through the din of disgruntled spring breakers, his words barely audible over their raucous complaints. The camera shook slightly as it captured the scene—a group of rowdy youth adorned in neon tank tops and oversized sunglasses, each one looking more indignant than the last.

“Tell me,” Bernstein shouted, trying to hold the microphone steady as a beach ball bounced off his head, “what has brought this level of… dissatisfaction among you all?”

A sunburned young man, with a half-empty plastic cup of beer sloshing in his hand, leaned into the microphone. “We came here to PCW to party hard! You know, like South Padre Island style—break some rules, get wasted, and enjoy the mayhem!”

“Instead,” a girl with her hair in messy braids chimed in, “we got MVW Security on our tails the moment we tried to lighten up the mood!” She gestured wildly behind her, where security personnel stood firm, arms crossed, unamused by the antics.

“PCW used to be about the freedom to throw down!” another added. “Now, it’s just like any other snoozefest.”

“Hey,” Bernstein interjected, “aren’t there plenty of other ways to enjoy your time here without causing trouble?”

“Boooring!” the crowd chanted in unison, a symphony of discontent echoing down the corridors.

“Alright, alright,” Bernstein replied, dodging another inflatable object. “I think we’ve heard enough.” He turned back to the camera. “You’ve witnessed it first-hand, folks—PCW’s spring break guests are not happy campers.”

Joe Biden Apologizes The feed switched abruptly back to Johnny Suave and Colleen Crowder at the broadcast desk, both wearing expressions that suggested they’d seen such antics before.

“Breaking news, folks,” Suave announced, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Apparently, causing chaos is now considered ‘partying.’ Who knew?” He rolled his eyes so visibly that it could almost be heard.

“Speaking of breaking news,” Colleen interjected, her tone serious but with a hint of approval, “PCW CEO Joe Biden has issued an apology for his previous comments stating people who attempt to attend PCW shows without tickets are doing so ‘illegally.’”

The screen split, showing Biden with a contrite expression. “My choice of words was poor,” he said solemnly. “From now on, we will refer to them as ‘unticketed newcomers.’ We welcome all fans.”

Back at the desk, Suave couldn’t help himself. His eyes performed yet another dramatic roll, visible even to those in the cheap seats.

“Unticketed newcomers,” Colleen repeated with a nod, fully onboard with the new narrative. “It’s inclusive and understanding.”

“Sure, if you say so,” Suave muttered, his skepticism thick as molasses. “But wait, there’s more,” he continued, now cutting back to Bernstein, who had somehow survived the spring breaker storm.

Mitch McConnell Update “Thank you, Johnny,” Bernstein said, straightening his tie. “In a surprising turn of events, Mitch McConnell will be stepping down as one of the leaders of the American Patriots.”

“Really?” Colleen’s face fell, her allegiance to the narrative clear. “That’s a shame. McConnell had quite the rapport with Biden.”

“Such a loss for bipartisanship,” Suave quipped dryly. “Well, folks, stay tuned. If tonight’s any indication, the road to November in PCW is going to be one wild ride.”

And with that, the screen faded to black, punctuated by the distant sound of spring breakers chanting, “PCW! PCW! PCW!”

MAIN EVENT: Donald Trump vs. Nikki Haley-Super Tuesday Clash Match The arena pulsated with the rhythm of uncontained excitement as Kimber Marshall’s voice cut through the noise, “Introducing first, the challenger, Nikki Haley!” The crowd offered a mixed response, some jeering, others cheering as Colleen Crowder, the left-leaning commentator, couldn’t contain her partiality, punching the air in support. Johnny Suave’s voice remained steady yet tinged with a hint of foreboding, “Folks, take a good look. This might be the last time we see Haley make this walk.”

“Johnny, don’t count her out just yet,” Colleen retorted, her eyes locked on Haley’s determined stride.

“Make way for the Trumpinator!” Kimber’s announcement shifted the energy to new heights as Donald Trump emerged, his appearance a tongue-in-cheek homage to the cyborg assassin, drawing a raucous ovation from the red seats. Swagger and confidence incarnate, he descended upon the ring like a force of nature, each step resonating with the promise of impending battle.

*Ding ding ding!*

“Main event time at Super Tuesday Clash!” Suave bellowed as the bell echoed. The clash began with an exchange of heavy blows, the two political titans locked in a struggle for supremacy. It seemed inevitable that Trump, with his larger than life presence, would dominate – but Haley was no pushover. She absorbed hit after hit, resilient as ever, rising to meet each new challenge with unwavering defiance.

“Look at Haley go! She’s not backing down an inch!” Suave exclaimed, as the brawl spilled over the ropes, crashing into the territory of the fervent front-row spectators. Each punch thrown drew gasps and shouts, creating a chaotic symphony of violence and spectacle.

Then, in a moment of brutal precision, Trump executed a jarring gourdbuster right onto the unforgiving steel of the guard rail, sending shivers down the collective spine of the audience. With Haley reeling, Trump sauntered back into the squared circle, exhibiting the patience of a seasoned predator awaiting its prey.

“Trump may have just sealed the deal here!” Suave’s voice carried a note of concern as Haley, battered but not beaten, clawed her way back to her feet, determination etched across her face.

“Come on, Nikki!” Colleen’s cheerleading reached fever pitch as Haley, with a sudden burst of adrenaline, stumbled toward the apron, her hand snatching a steel chair from beneath the ring. The crowd held their breath as she slid back into the ring, armed and ready for retribution.

“Things are about to get extreme!” Suave declared, the old ECW spirit alive in his words as the Political Championship Wrestling universe braced itself for the next chapter in this high-stakes saga.

The chair crashes against Trump’s back, a metallic thud echoing through the arena. “Haley’s going full throttle!” Suave’s voice rises with excitement. But Trump stands defiant, an unyielding mountain in the eye of the storm.

“Unbelievable! The Trumpinator won’t go down!” Suave is half impressed, half incredulous.

“Keep hitting him, Nikki!” Colleen implores, her voice laced with desperation. Haley unleashes a flurry of moves—a sharp kick to the groin, another vicious chair shot—yet, Trump remains on his feet, as if fueled by some inexhaustible power source.

“Is he even human?” Suave questions, bemusement creeping into his tone.

“Come on! That’s got to hurt,” Colleen argues, her bias barely concealed.

In a swift motion, Trump’s large hands grasp the chair, ripping it away from Haley’s grip. *CLANG!* Down goes Haley, the sound reverberating like a gong of defeat.

“Good grief! Haley’s been flattened!” Suave’s voice matches the shockwave that ripples through the crowd.

“Outrageous!” Colleen’s voice cracks, incensed by the turn of events. Trump sets up two chairs with methodical precision, grabbing Haley to her feet.

“Trump’s looking to end this now,” Suave notes grimly.

But Haley, driven by sheer will, rakes Trump’s eyes in a desperate counter-attack. Trump staggers but quickly recovers, hoisting Haley into the air.

“Here it comes… Tornado DDT!” Suave bellows as Trump drives Haley skull-first through both chairs with catastrophic force.

The impact splits the arena—red seats erupt in raucous cheers while the blue seats sit in stunned silence. Trump hooks the leg: one…two…three.

“Kimber Marshall confirms it—your winner, Donald Trump!” Suave declares, the finality of the moment hanging heavy in the air.

WINNER: Donald Trump

Colleen pouts, her narrative shattered by reality. Trump basks in his victory, exiting the ring amidst a chorus of adulation and disdain.

Nikki Haley Segment Haley, ever the warrior, rises to her feet and grasps the microphone with a shaky hand. “Thank you for your unwavering support,” she begins, gratitude infusing her words as she addresses the nation. She concedes her campaign with dignity, urging Trump to reach out to those who stood with her.

“An honorable exit,” Suave acknowledges, respect evident in his voice.

“Disappointing,” Colleen adds tersely, her dreams of a different outcome dashed upon the canvas.

Mitch McConnell Update Backstage, the atmosphere crackled with the electric aftermath of the Super Tuesday Clash. Amidst the cacophony of production crew and the lingering adrenaline, PCW’s Woodward Bernstein took center stage, microphone in hand, his expression grave yet tinged with the excitement of breaking news.

“PCW Universe,” Bernstein boomed, “I’ve just received word that Mitch McConnell is now officially backing Donald Trump for the CEO position of PCW.” His announcement cut through the noise, commanding attention.

In the broadcast booth, Colleen Crowder’s face soured instantly, a visceral reaction as if she’d bitten into a lemon. “That’s really unfortunate,” she lamented, her voice a mixture of disappointment and disbelief. “McConnell had such a productive working relationship with Joe Biden and…” Her words trailed off into a frustrated sputter; hands thrown up in a gesture of exasperation as if to say, ‘What’s the use?’

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave, cool as ever in his ringside seat, leaned towards the mic, his voice calm and measured, providing the counterbalance to Colleen’s emotional turbulence. “Well, Colleen, it looks like the landscape of PCW is changing once again. With Mitch McConnell’s support, Donald Trump solidifies his standing. And folks, you heard it here first—it will be Donald Trump versus Joe Biden this November for CEO of PCW!”

The camera lingered on Suave’s confident smile, a stark contrast to Colleen’s discomfiture. The scene backstage faded out, but the implications of Bernstein’s news echoed throughout the arena, setting the stage for a monumental showdown come November.

“Will Biden continue his reign or will Trump regain the throne?” Suave posed the question to the viewers at home, his voice infused with the hype that only PCW could deliver. “One thing is certain—it’s going to be an all-out war for control of PCW.”

As the show reached its crescendo, Suave delivered the closing line with the gravitas of a seasoned ring veteran, “Goodnight from South Padre Island, Texas.”

The screen went black, the roar of the crowd fading into silence.

RESULTS: -MAIN EVENT-Donald Trump defeated Nikki Haley in the Super Tuesday Clash match

0 notes

linbathesoulmate · 3 years ago

Text

Love and kindness still exists

https://linbathesoulmate.com/artwork-by-peacenicks/

#art #artwork #artist

5 notes · View notes

elizabethdevlin · 8 years ago

Photo

"Earlier the 'Threat' had been #FrankSinatra and #bubblegum and #Communists writing film scripts in #Hollywood and flying saucers and #television itself and, going back, the horseless carriage and the flying machine and #jazz and the #Charleston and #Roosevelt and the #WPA and rumble seats. Later it would be #beatniks and #peacenicks and the #Beatles and the #twist and #hippies and all of #SanFrancisco and #marijuana . Always there was something or someone, real or fictional, responsible for the imminent destruction of Society As We Know It. In #1956 it was #Elvis and #rocknroll." --- Elvis, A Biography - By: #JerryHopkins (at Three Sisters Rocks)

0 notes

panspanther · 4 years ago

Text

Nuke a peacenick racist for the Fuhrer !

42K notes · View notes

ladyartnation-blog · 8 years ago

Photo

Nick McManus stopped by to snap a picture of the artists & friends at Rare Humdrum exhibition at Idio Gallery.

#rhdeventpics #peacenick #poloriod #poloroidnick #nyc #bkdiy

0 notes

johncarsonlesterjr · 8 years ago

Text

» I am a conservative peacenick: Do you want war with Russia?

http://www.michaelsavage.wnd.com/2017/04/i-am-a-conservative-peacenick-do-you-want-war-with-russia/

View On WordPress

0 notes

pcwpolwrestling · 4 years ago

Text

PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2020-Part Two

================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Returns to the blue background with the top of the Capitol Building occupying the left hand side of the television screen with “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.” centered in the middle of the screen.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Election Night 2020-Part Two Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Wauseon, Ohio Taped Tuesday November 3rd, 2020 Sunday January 3rd, 2021

PART ONE-PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2020 -PCW Owner Dawn McGill welcomes everyone back to PCW. She then announces a ‘compromise’ with Mitch McConnell (American Patriots) and Nancy Pelosi (Progressive Alliance) and ‘Stars N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott of the American Patriots with Donald Trump in his corner will face ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels from the Progressive Alliance with Joe Biden in his corner and Kevin Daniels of the American Heartland Coalition for the PCW Title. -McGill also announces that at the end of the show- she will announce who the new CEO of PCW will be: Donald Trump (American Patriots) or Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance) -MATCH #1-Kayleigh McEnaney defeats CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter in a handicap match -MATCH #2/ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) defeated Martha McSally (American Patriots) -Gavin Newsom (CA-Progressive Alliance) makes a case for PCW to come to California. -MATCH #3/SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) defeated Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance) -Both Joe Biden and Donald Trump interview with PCW Owner Dawn McGill for the PCW CEO position. -MATCH #4/PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises (Conservative Inc./American Patriots) defeat The Green World Order (Progressive Alliance) and The Deplorables (American Heartland Coalition) -MATCH #5/ALABAMA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) vs. Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) joined in progress. The show is stopped at that point by Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams- all from the Progressive Alliance.

Cut to a replay of the end of PCW Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One:

EPILOGUE Darkened room. Dim light.

Shadows move around.

George Moros- billionaire financier of the Progressive Alliance.

The Coke Brothers- billionaire financiers of the American Patriots.

A door opens. Then closes.

Charles Coke: Sarah.

The woman is Sarah Lenti, executive director of the Lincoln Project- a group of American Patriots and former American Patriots dedicated to preventing Donald Trump from winning a second term as PCW CEO.

Sarah Lenti: What the hell is going on! I thought you had things under control.

David Coke: Sarah, I know things haven’t exactly gone to plan-

Sarah Lenti: Not gone to plan? Dawn McGill is still in control of PCW with all her ‘PCW is for the people’ bull-*BLEEP*.

George Moros tries to reassure her.

George Moros: Look. We stopped the show for the evening. That gives us time to figure this out.

Sarah Lenti: Dawn McGill is going to hand the reins of PCW to Donald Trump for another four years!

George Moros: No she won’t. Clearly, it’s time to take this to the next level.

Moros pulls out a cell phone and hits a button.

George Moros: It’s time. Operation Dominion is in effect.

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder ‘Low Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

Crowd Chant: “PCW! PCW! PCW!…”

Suave welcomes everyone back for part two of PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2020.

Colleen Crowder: “BLUE WAVE BABY!”

Johnny Suave: “Well, not quite.”

Suave introduces the Alabama Senate Medallion Match that was going to be shown via highlights on Extreme Election Night 2020 Part One.

VIDEO-Alabama Senate Medallion Match: Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) vs. Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) –Tuberville finishes off Jones. Cover. One – two – three!

WINNER: Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots)

Johnny Suave: “Tommy Tuberville rolls past Doug Jones and that’s another win for the American Patriots.”

Colleen Crowder: Again, we the media have not called that match so there’s no winner.

Suave notes that with the win, the American Patriots hold a two match to one advantage over the Progressive Alliance and that it all comes down to the Gary Peters-John James match later on tonight.

Crowder objects again. “It’s one to nothing Progressive Alliance as both the earlier South Carolina match and the Alabama match have NOT been called by us,” Crowder maintains.

Suave rolls his eyes and runs through the lineup for tonight’s show.

FACTION WAR GAMES HOUSE MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots

MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) vs. John James (American Patriots)

PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen (American Patriots) vs. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)

MAIN EVENT/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott (American Patriots) vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels vs. ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

youtube

For the second time at Extreme Election Night 2020, PCW Owner Dawn McGill makes her way out- this time she goes to the ring.

Dawn McGill “The 6 Foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt” HT: 6’ 0″ WT: 130 / HOME: Dallas, TX FIN: McGill Bomb

Colleen Crowder: “What is SHE doing out here?”

Johnny Suave: “Um. She’s the owner of PCW. She’s got news to deliver?”

Colleen Crowder: “That’s OUR job! We determine what’s newsworthy for the people.”

Johnny Suave: “And that’s why Donald Trump uses Twitter to go around people like you.”

Colleen Crowder: “HEY!”

McGill climbs in. Suave sends to the ring for remarks from the owner of PCW.

TALKING BOUT HEROES The first thing Dawn McGill does is profusely thanks everyone who came to the show tonight.

Dawn McGill: “I keep saying this but you have to understand that I truly mean this. PCW isn’t about the big shots. PCW is all about YOU – the people. We do this for you.”

She then asks if there’s any first responders on hand tonight.

A few stand up.

Dawn McGill: “Let’s show them our appreciation.”

The crowd responds in kind and gives the first responders on hand an ovation.

Dawn then asks if there’s anyone here who recovered from having COVID. Again, a few people stand up and again the crowd gives out an ovation.

Colleen Crowder: “She’s just sucking up to the rabble.”

Johnny Suave: “Or she really means what she says and doesn’t have a narrative in mind.”

Crowder’s offended but McGill continues. She next asks if there’s anyone here tonight who runs a small business to please stand up.

Several do and they are greeted with an ovation from the PCW fans.

Dawn McGill: “Okay. Finally, everyone please stand up.”

They do.

Dawn McGill: “These have been unprecedented times. Yet, you’ve persevered. You’ve kept going. You’ve weathered or continue to weather the storm. You’re here. You are all heroes. Give yourself a hand.”

They do.

Dawn McGill: Thank you so much for coming out here tonight. You get it. But they don’t get it. Adam Schiff, Jerry Nadler, Nancy Pelosi, and Chuck Schumer. They just don’t get it. Conservative Inc.- people if given the chance would sell our souls for the corporate dollar. They just don’t get it. So let me make this clear to everyone inside the Washington Beltway. PCW is-NOT-here-for-you.

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dawn McGill: PCW is not here for the American Patriots. PCW is not here for the Progressive Alliance. PCW is not here for the big money special interest groups. PCW is here for YOU…

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dawn McGill: …the fans. People like me and people like you who pay their bills on time – don’t spend money they don’t have – who don’t run up debt with no intention of paying the money back. You know, the stuff the people inside the Washington D.C. beltway are unwilling or completely incompetent at doing.

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen is momentarily startled by Suave’s outburst.

Johnny Suave: Dawn McGill just virtue signaled!

Crowder grumbled something under her breath but doesn’t actually respond- or maybe no one can’t hear her as the noise level is deafening

The video screen comes to life.

Johnny Suave: “What the hell is going on?”

The video screen zeroes in on a scuffle backstage.

Who’s Involved? Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy’s Progressive Flock -The Green World Order: GreenPete, PeaceNick, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, Peta from PETA -The Young Jerks: Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and Anna the foul-mouthed sidekick -Code Pink and Emily S. List -The League of Anti-Fascists: Ted and Chaz

American Heartland Coalition -Charlie Blackwell -‘PCW’s Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

Johnny Suave: “Professor McCarthy’s Flock are beating down Charlie Blackwell and Tessa Martin. Both are scheduled to wrestle later on in the evening!”

Colleen Crowder: “It looks like a peaceful protest to me, Johnny.”

Blackwell gets flung into the wall by GreenPete and Brock Cole Lee.

Code Pink glitter bombs Tessa – she’s blinded. Emily S. List then DDT’s her to the floor.

“Yeah. Totally peaceful,” Suave says in a tone totally dripping with sarcasm.

Dawn immediately rolls out of the ring and takes off for the back.

Johnny Suave: “While Dawn checks out the situation, let’s show some of the House War Games Match between the Progressive Alliance and the American Patriots.”

Suave explains that two years ago, the Progressive Alliance ended the American Patriots run of victories that dated back to 2010.

Colleen Crowder: Two years ago, the Progressive Alliance won a decisive victory. Tonight, our polling states they will win and win easily.

————————————————-

MATCH #6/HOUSE WAR GAMES MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots

American Patriots: Lauren Boebert (CO)) Burgess Owens (UT) Jim Jordan (OH) Kimberly Klacik (MD) Lee Haywood (NC)

vs.

Progressive Alliance: Adam Schiff (CA) Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (NY) Deborah K. Ross (NC) Kathy Manning (NC) Ben McAdams (UT)

————————————————-

Johnny Suave: “The time limit is twenty minutes. Whomever has the most wrestlers left at the end of twenty minutes wins the match.”

Adam Schiff and Kimberly Klacik immediately lock up in the middle of the ring to start the match.

Johnny Suave: “Maryland’s Kimberly Klacik came out with a campaign video that went viral.”

youtube

Johnny Suave: “She’s gained a lot of attention and she’s trying to be successful in a district that overwhelming supports the Progressive Alliance. How far can she go tonight in this match?”

Schiff pushes Klacik to the corner. Side head lock by Klacik, but Schiff breaks free and hits a drop kick. Then he near decapitates Klacik with a clothesline. Schiff covers. One. Two. Three.

Kimberly Klacik (American Patriots) eliminated.

Johnny Suave: “Apparently not that long.”

Colleen Crowder: “BLUE WAVE! IT’S A BLUE WAVE!”

Jim Jordan lands a punch to Schiff’s jaw but misses a kick. Ross misses a Pelé kick. Jordan rolls her up for a two count. Jordan hits a back drop to Ross and Lee Haywood whips her to the corner. Lauren Boebert levels Ross with a stiff punch. Burgess Owens tags Ben McAdams with a right hand. McAdams counters an Owens’s suplex into a sleeper – Owens flips him forward to break the hold and goes to work with a volley of kicks. Boebert goes after Manning’s ankle.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez charges around the ring and levels Boebert. Ocasio-Cortez rolls Boebert into the ring and goes to work on her. Jamaal Bowman tags Owens with a right hand. Bowman and Owens circle each other and then lock up in the middle of the ring. Bowman locks in a standing side head lock and goes for shoulder tackle, but Owens barely budges. Bowman misses a splash in the corner. Bowman lifts Owens onto his shoulder, but Owens escapes and lands on his feet. McAdams comes in and finally takes Owens off his feet. Head butt by McAdams and he works over Owens in the corner. McAdams runs the ropes and takes down Owens with a drop kick. McAdams for the pinfall – Owens kicks out. McAdams runs the ropes again – Owens catches McAdams on the return with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Owens hooks the leg. One. Two. Three.

Ben McAdams (Progressive Alliance) eliminated.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT?

Johnny Suave: “BURGESS OWENS DEFEATS BEN McADAMS AND THE AMERICAN PATRIOTS TIE THIS MATCH UP!”

Crowder pulls herself together.

Colleen Crowder: “Still plenty of time for the Progressive Alliance to win. We’ve already projected it.”

Manning levels Haywood and heads up top. Haywood catches her and slams Manning to the mat. Cover. One. Two –

Johnny Suave: “MANNING KICKS OUT!”

Crowder almost appears relieved.

With time running short, Jim Jordan goes to work with super kicks on Adam Schiff and the two men battle back and forth. Lauren Boebert blocks a running power slam from Ocasio-Cortez and posts her in the corner. They get into a heated back and forth battle. Deborah K. Ross hits a forearm shot over the top rope on Lee Haywood. Kathy Manning follows with a kick to Haywood. Schiff throws Jordan over the top rope and then engages with Burgess Owens. Manning and Ross drag Haywood to ring center- DOUBLE DDT! Manning covers. One. Two. THREE!

Lee Haywood (American Patriots) eliminated.

Neither team could score a pinfall the rest of the match. When the bell sounds the Progressive Alliance hold a slim 4-3 advantage and pick up the win.

WINNER: Team Progressive Alliance @ 20:00

Colleen Crowder: “YES! Just like we called it!”

Johnny Suave: “For the second consecutive Extreme Election Night, the Progressive Alliance win the House War Games Match. This one was very close though.”

Crowder calls it further proof a ‘blue wave’ is taking over PCW. Suave ignores her.

BACKSTAGE PCW cameras find Charlie Blackwell and ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin laid out on the floor backstage being attended to by Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean-Up Crew. Also on hand, ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and the Deplorables.

No sign of Professor McCarthy’s Flock.

More worrying, no sign of PCW Owner Dawn McGill. One of the Deplorables finds a heel shoe McGill was wearing on the floor and brings it to McAvay.

McAvay asks if anyone’s seen McGill? The PCW Clean-Up Crew tell him the only people they found were Blackwell and Martin.

McAvay immediately sends the Deplorables out to look for Dawn McGill.

**********************************

MATCH #7/MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) vs. John James (American Patriots)

**********************************

Peters goes right after James. Rights to James. James pushes him down. Peters pops back up. A dropkick to James. James sends Peters out of the ring.

Johnny Suave: “That was a tough fall. Peters is a little shaken up.”

Colleen Crowder: “He’s just giving James false hope. This one’s in the bag.”

Peters back in. James hits an Enziguri and beats down Peters a bit. Hangman’s DDT. Cover. One. Two- Peters kicks out. James runs the ropes from side to side and dropkick’s Peters’s leg! Peters hobbles into a single leg takedown! Cover. One – TWO! Again Peters kicks out. James keeps the pressure on. He goes after the leg with a standing kneebar. Peters endures. James takes him down again and covers. One – Two – NO!

Johnny Suave: “Gary Peters stays alive in this match.”

Colleen Crowder: “He’s got John James right where he wants him, Johnny.”

Peters throws a haymaker and rocks James! James returns the favor and throws haymakers right back. James kicks the bad leg – Peters falls to the mat. James with a sunset flip – cover. One – TWO! Peters survives again. James stands and takes Peters’s bad leg. Spin.

Johnny Suave: “FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!”

James has it in tight and Peters’s is in a lot of trouble.

Johnny Suave: “THIS COULD BE IT!”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope. It’s all under control.”

James releases the hold and hooks the leg.

Colleen Crowder: “We’re projecting that Gary Peters is going to WIN this match!”

One. Two. TH-

But before James can get to three, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer and Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson run down and pull the referee out of the ring.

Johnny Suave: “HOLD IT!”

Whitmer sprays mace into the referee’s eyes. He falls to the floor and is out of commission.

James goes over to the ropes to find out what’s going on. Bad idea.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST MACED JOHN JAMES!”

James stumbles back and falls over Peters. Peters immediately rolls him up.

A new referee slides into the ring.

ONETWOTHREE!

Johnny Suave: “QUICK COUNT!”

The referee calls for the bell and then takes off towards the back.

Colleen Crowder: “BLUE WAVE! BLUE WAVE!”

WINNER: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) @ 8:10

Suave can’t believe it.

Johnny Suave: “John James had this match won but Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer and Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson pulled the referee out of the ring. Whitmer maced the referee, then John James. Peters rolled up James to get the win.”

Crowder interrupts and informs Suave that the Progressive Alliance are now 2-0 against the American Patriots in the Senate Medallion competition. Suave no-sells Crowder and corrects her.

Johnny Suave: “With the win, it’s now tied up at two and two for the night. Mark Kelly and Gary Peters win for the Progressive Alliance. Lindsey Graham and Tommy Tuberville for the American Patriots. The Progressive Alliance won a tight House War Games Match. And now it’s down to our final two matches of the night. The PCW Women’s Title match. And the PCW Title match.”

Crowder attempts to cut in but Suave gets a message in his earpiece. It’s breaking news…

BACKSTAGE Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean-Up Crew are back at work attending to Ray McAvay.

Johnny Suave: “Dawn McGill is missing. Charlie Blackwell and ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin were attacked and can’t wrestle now in their matches. And now Ray McAvay has been taken out.”

Colleen Crowder: “The important thing Johnny is our narrative and our narrative states the Progressive Alliance are doing well tonight- the Donald Trump era of PCW is mercifully coming to an end.”

Quick cut to the American Patriots’ box.

THE AMERICAN PATRIOT BOX The Coke Brothers-Charles and David, financiers and mover and shaker of the American Patriots, and Executive Director of the Lincoln Project Sarah Lenti continue to watch the show from their suite. The Cokes glance over and meet eyes with…

Quick cut to the Progressive Alliance box.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE BOX …George Moros, big money spender and mover and shaker in the Progressive Alliance. There’s smiles all the way around.

Johnny Suave: “Well. The Cokes and Moros seem pleased with the turn of events here. Too pleased.”

Suave thinks something is definitely up.

A STREET CORNER IN STANSTEAD, QUEBEC Along the banks of the River Tomifobia at the street sign marking the corner of Rue Dufferin and Cordeau and with a large blue sign welcoming people to the province of Quebec in the background, stand Meghan Markle and her bonny Prince Harry.

Meghan Markle: As long as that contemptable Donald Trump is the CEO of the Political Universe, this is as close as I’m going to get to the border of the United States.

Prince Harry: Yes dear. Whatever you want, dear.

Markle is at least happy that a proper woman will hold the PCW Women’s title after tonight- Kathryn Randall Collins.

Meghan Markle: She’ll be much better than that awful Sierra Whalen.

She adds that KRC’s win will be another shot across the bow to get rid of Trump and allow her to return to Los Angeles- home of the enlightened people.

Prince Harry: If we could could just fly in for a weekend, we could get to see KRC wrestle and-

And that sends the royal into a fit.

Meghan Markle: NO. NOnononononoNO!

Markle hops up and down and screams.

Meghan Markle: I will NOT set foot in that country until that horrible man is out of power. She turns to Harry who sighs.

Prince Harry: Whatever she wants- she gets.

Cut back to the broadcast desk…

Johnny Suave: Well, I’ll give her credit for sticking to her guns and actually staying out of the country – unlike the other celebs who swore up and down they were going to leave the country and didn’t.

Colleen Crowder: It’s not fair. If Donald Trump would just go away, Meghan Markle could finally come home.

Johnny Suave: Well, there’s another reason to hope Donald Trump prevails in 2020.

Colleen Crowder: JOHNNY!

youtube

The entrance music of Sierra Whalen comes on and the Alaskan Rogue appears.

‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen AGE: 29 / HT: 5’ 9” WT: 120 / HOME: Palmer, AK FIN: Eskimo Pieface

Johnny Suave: “KRC versus Sierra Whalen. It’s time for our first main event of the night. The PCW Women’s Title match.”

Whalen makes her way down towards the ring.

youtube

KRC comes out next.

Kathryn Randall Collins “KRC” AGE: 37 / HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 145 / HOME: Ft. Myers, FL FIN: Gogoplata

Colleen Crowder: I agree wholeheartedly with Meghan Markle. If there’s any justice in this world, that little inbred redneck will not get a sniff of a chance to win the belt. Kathryn Randall Collins is a proper role model for women and we believe she will win.

The national media has also arrived at ringside: CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, MSNBC, Fox News, One America News, and NewsMax. Immediately, the ‘traditional’ news outlets (CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, and MSNBC) object to OAN and NewsMax being at ringside and there’s a lot of back and forth chirping between the two sides.

The referee is ready to go and the match begins.

**********************************

MAIN EVENT #1/PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH:

Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen (American Patriots)

**********************************

Johnny Suave: “This is for the PCW Women’s title!”

KRC and Whalen eye each other as they slowly meet at the center. Lock up. Whalen looks to have gained the advantage but KRC swiftly takes an arm wringer. Whalen reverses – KRC reverses back – Whalen reverses and shoves KRC away. We start over. The crowd buzzes as again KRC and Whalen glare at each other. They circle. Lock up – Whalen takes a chop from Parker. Whalen returns the favor. KRC feints a chop and drives a thrust kick into the chest of Whalen. Whalen down – cover. One – two – Whalen shoots the shoulder up and rolls out of the ring. KRC paces back and forth impatiently.

ABC’s Martha Raddatz and Jon Karl immediately grab Whalen and throw her back into the ring.

Johnny Suave: “And there’s our impartial, independent media at work again.”

Colleen Crowder: “They’re just doing their job Johnny.”

Lock up. KRC takes control. Belly to back suplex. Collins then hits three rolling gutwrench suplexes in a row. Cover. One – two – Whalen kicks out.

Suave thinks that was a ‘fast count.’

Colleen Crowder: “That was a perfect count.”

Whalen slowly climbs back to her feet. KRC waves her towards her – Whalen swipes at KRC. KRC boots Whalen again! KRC rocks Whalen with an uppercut – another uppercut. She runs the ropes and eats a shoulder block from Whalen. Whalen covers. One…………two…….. KRC kicks out.

Johnny Suave: “Okay. That count seemed to be a little on the slow side.”

Colleen Crowder: “All these complaints about the counts. Gosh Johnny, it’s like you want Sierra Whalen to win.”

Johnny Suave: “Actually Colleen, it’s glaringly evident to everyone with the IQ of a brick that you want KRC to win.”

Crowder goes indignant but the match continues.

KRC takes Whalen to the ropes and drags her head across the ropes. She backs up and throws another haymaker. KRC runs the ropes – Whalen backdrops KRC and then follows with a snap suplex. She lays the boots to KRC and drops a leg on her thigh. Whalen’s elbow connects. KRC pushes back and staggers to get up. Whalen pushes her backward and rushes in to ram into her against the corner turnbuckle. Whalen fires off furious fists. She’s admonished by the referee for using a closed fist. KRC returns fire and Whalen backs away. She looks at the referee- the referee shakes his head.

Johnny Suave: “And that wasn’t a closed fist?”

Colleen Crowder: “Stop being so obvious. You want Whalen to win.”

Whalen launches herself forward and whips KRC into the corner. Now Whalen charges in – MSNBC’s Joy Reid and Rachel Maddow to the ring apron – THEY PULL KRC OUT OF THE WAY! *COLLISION* Whalen slams into the corner turnbuckle and slides down to a seated position. Now MSNBC’s Brian Williams, CNN’s Chris Cuomo and Anderson Cooper blatantly choke Whalen while the referee is ‘distracted.’

Johnny Suave: “WHAT THE HELL?”

The referee finally puts a stop to the Whalen mugging. KRC back on offense. Scoop slam. Cover. One-two- Whalen kicks out. KRC lifts her up- DEATH VALLEY DRIVER TO WHALEN! Cover. One-two- Whalen just kicks out.

Johnny Suave: “This match has been turned on its ear by blatant outside interference.”

Colleen Crowder: “That’s simply not true Johnny and shame on you for spreading fake news. We are now projecting that Kathryn Randall Collins will become the new PCW Women’s Champion.”

Whalen reaches for the ropes but her hand’s about a foot and half away. She tries to inch closer. Finally, KRC whaps her in the back of the head and pulls her to the middle of the ring. Whalen tries to kick her way out. KRC sits on her back and grabs hold of her wrists. She crosses Whalen’s arms under her chin and pulls back on the arms.

Johnny Suave: Straitjacket by KRC and she is in control of this match.

Whalen fights out and tries to pull herself up – KRC collects her and drives her to the mat with a powerbomb. Whalen hits hard. KRC moves in for the kill. She hooks the leg. One–two–THREE!

Crowder nearly jumps out of her chair. She lets out a loud ‘whoop!’

WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) @ 10:04

Johnny Suave: “With an assist from the media, Kathryn Randall Collins of the Progressive Alliance has defeated the American Patriots’ Sierra Whalen and she is the new PCW Women’s Champion!”

While KRC celebrates inside the ring, OAN and NewsMax get into a heated argument with CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, MSNBC, and even Fox News over what just happened.

Before Crowder can get started, Suave pre-emptively sends it to a commercial break.

NEW YORK STATE OF MIND New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio stands outside his house to make his plea for Joe Biden to bring PCW to the Empire State- New York.

Bill de Blasio: “Joe. When you become the new PCW CEO tonight, please think about New York City!”

Johnny Suave: “Business leaving in droves.”

In the background, an endless parade of moving trucks pass by.

De Blasio says with all due respect to California, New York City is a big event city. He hails New York City as the place where nobody sleeps.

While the Mayor speaks, Harry and Marv of Home Alone fame remove furniture and valuables from de Blasio’s house.

Johnny Suave: “Oh. And a crime problem, too.”

Bill de Blasio: “New York City is the place to be.”

Several moving trucks honk as they drive past.

Bill de Blasio: “So come on Joe. Move PCW to the big time. Move to New York City…”

Harry and Marv remove de Blasio’s watch and steal the keys to his car.

Bill de Blasio: “…so you too can live the New York dream!”

*********************************

Suave begins the pre-match run-up to tonight’s main event by showing highlights from the Progressive Alliance convention.

(VIDEO: PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE MATCH RESULTS) Deval Patrick, Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden, Michael Bennet, Andrew Yang, Amy Klobucher, Tom Steyer, Michael Bloomberg, Tulsi Gabbard, John K. Delaney, Bernie Sanders, Pete Buttigleg

Elimination is through being tossed over the top rope.

-Tulsi Gabbard is not allowed into the arena and prevented from participating in the match.

-Delaney and Patrick, Bennet, Steyer, and Yang go really early.

-Klobuchar and Buttgleg put up more of a fight but then they fall away.

Mike Bloomberg labored throughout the match and gets rolled up out of the blue by Elizabeth Warren. Bloomberg finishes a disappointing fourth.

Warren goes next. Sanders pins her.

Then it’s down to two- Sanders vs. Biden.

This comes down to Sanders and Biden grappling on the mat. Sanders rolls him up.

One…

Two…

South Carolina Senator Jim Clyburn, with the blessing of the Progressive Alliance establishment, runs in and rolls Biden on top of Sanders.

One…

Two…

Three! The referee calls for the bell.

WINNER: Joe Biden @ 19:50

(END VIDEO)

Johnny Suave: “That’s how Joe Biden won his math. Let’s see how Donald Trump got here as he faced off against Joe Walsh (hint: NOT the guitarist) and William Weld in the American Patriots match at their convention.”

(VIDEO: AMERICAN PATRIOTS MATCH RESULTS) CEO of the Political Universe Donald Trump (R-NY) vs. Joe Walsh (R-IL) vs. William Weld (R-MA)

The bell sounds.

Trump comes out and kicks Walsh in the balls. DDT by Trump. Cover.

Walsh is eliminated. (:12)

Then Weld rushes in. Trump drop toeholds Weld and he hits the corner turnbuckle. Cover.

One…two…THREE- Weld’s done. (:25)

WINNER: Donald Trump @ :25

(END VIDEO)

Johnny Suave: “Donald Trump took an easy victory over Joe Walsh and William Weld and now we’ve reached the moment of truth. Our ring announcer is Kimber Marshall and let’s send it to her now.”

Marshall stands in the middle of the ring.

Kimber Marshall: “Ladies and gentlemen, this match will be…”

Crowd: ONE fall!

Kimber Marshall: “And it will be for the PCW Title! Introducing first…

youtube

Johnny Suave: “Ah. Bruce Springsteen. Another one of the many celebs who’ve promised to move out of the US if Trump wins.”

Colleen Crowder: “Don’t you bad mouth ‘The Boss.’ Springsteen speaks the truth.”

Joe Biden comes out with his wife Dr. Jill Biden (and don’t you forget the ‘Dr.’ part). Behind him is his choice for Aide de Camp Kamala Harris.

Then Marshall announces the Progressive Alliance wrestler taking part in the match.

‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels HT: 6′ 0″ WT: 200 / HOME: Hollywood, CA FIN: The True Hollywood Blockbuster

Daniels comes out and shakes hands with both Bidens and Kamala Harris.

Kimber Marshall: “And their opponent…”

https://youtu.be/-bzWSJG93P8

The supporters “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” chant merges with the melody of the Imperial March and becomes:

“TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP”

Dressed in all black complete with a flowing black cape, Donald Trump and his spokesperson Kayleigh McEnaney walk out on stage to a big ovation from the American Patriots.

Kimber Marshall: Residing in the Trump Tower in the great city of New York, New York! He promises to…

The Trump supporters shout out: “MAKE PCW GREAT AGAIN!”

Kimber Marshall: Accompanied by his Aide de Camp Mike Pence and representing the American Patriots! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE CURRENT CEO OF PCW- DONALD J. TRUMP!

Again, the Trump supporters let loose with thunderous roar that shakes the building. Trump nods and acknowledges the fans.

Johnny Suave: “Here he is. The current CEO of PCW. Donald Trump.”

Colleen Crowder: “Ugh. And he’s being led to the ring by… her.”

Johnny Suave: “You’re just saying that because Kayleigh McEnaney won’t play the ‘game’ the way you want her to play.”

McEnaney leads the way as Trump, black robe ruffling behind him as he strides, makes his way down the steps from the stage toward the ring followed by Mike Pence and Pence’s wife Karen.

Marshall then announces the American Patriots’s wrestler.

‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 250, HOME: Ottumwa, IA FIN: American Stars and Fujiawa Arm Bar

Scott walks out on stage and shakes hands with Trump, Pence, Mrs. Pence. Then the entourage heads towards the ring.

Johnny Suave: “So here we are. This is for the PCW title and then we will find out who will be the PCW CEO for the next four years.”

Colleen Crowder: “We already know the answer. It’s going to be Joe Biden.”

Biden shouts encouragement to Kevin Daniels- but he’s facing the wrong way. Harris subtly turns him around towards the ring.

Before the match starts, Suave and Crowder are joined by a special guest- the CEO of Facetwitogram Jack Buckenberg.

**********************************

MAIN EVENT #2/PCW TITLE MATCH:

‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott w/PCW CEO Donald Trump, Aide de Camp Mike Pence (American Patriots) vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels w/PCW CEO candidate Joe Biden, Aide de Camp candidate Kamala Harris (Progressive Alliance)

**********************************

The bell sounds and the match begins.

Scott rushes forward. Daniels side-steps him. The two men circle. Scott aggressively comes forward. Daniels plays defense and makes him chase. Daniels connects with a spin kick that gives Scott some pause. Quick lock up – Scott takes a headlock – Daniels slips out. Scott fires off right and left hands. He follows with a standing spinebuster. Hooks the leg – one – two – Daniels kicks out and calls a ‘time-out.’ He rolls outside the ring and confers with Biden and Harris.

Johnny Suave: “Kevin Scott off to a fast start here causing Mr. Hollywood to bail out of the ring.”

Jack Buckenberg: “Actually Johnny, before you share this content, you might want to know that fact-checking sites, Snope.com, and other media sources have disputed the accuracy of it.”

Colleen Crowder: “Yeah! Kevin Daniels is probably just getting warmed up and wanted to talk strategy with Joe Biden.”

Once back in, Daniels and Scott tie up – Scott gains control. He wrenches, hammerlocks, and throws forearms into Daniels’s back. Headlock by Scott and hits the takeover. Scott tries to grind Daniels down. Daniels fights up and around but Scott wrenches the arm again. Scott takes a wristlock. Daniels throws a couple body shots. Surprise roll into a REAR NAKED CHOKE! Scott elbows out. Daniels with a drop toehold and gets the legs to hook them. One – Scott powers out. Scott goes for a rear bear hug – Daniels fights his way out with elbows. Daniels backdrops Scott to the mat. Scott up – Daniels legsweeps him back down. Cover. One – two – no. Scott powers out.

Johnny Suave: “Better from Kevin Daniels there. He seems to be coming into the match.”

Colleen Crowder: “Johnny, I don’t know what match you’ve been watching but it’s clear Daniels is totally dominating the match.”

Johnny Suave: “That’s debatable.”

Jack Buckenberg: “Actually Johnny, we’ll allow it. It’s a factual statement.”

Johnny Suave: “Of course you will.”

Scott nails Daniels with a kick to the jaw. Cover. One – two – 2.5 – Daniels just kicks out before the three count. Scott boots Daniels in the gut. Daniels drops to a knee – Scott drags him right back up. He goes to whip Daniels – Daniels reverses and knees Scott low and hard! Daniels hits the ropes and Scott ducks under. Another boot to the gut and a Sling Blade takes Daniels down. Cover. One – Two – NO! Daniels just gets the shoulder up.

Johnny Suave: “Another close pinfall for Kevin Scott. He is really doing well here tonight.”

Jack Buckenberg: “Again Johnny, before you share something like that, you should know that independent fact checkers dispute its accuracy.”

Johnny Suave: “It’s an opinion Jack that I’m entitled to based on what I’ve witnessed here during the match.”

Jack Buckenberg: “Once again, what you said is disputed by third party fact checkers.”

Johnny Suave: “*BLEEP* your third-party fact checkers.”

Daniels grows a little frustrated. He goes to the referee and starts to berate him. This allows Kamala Harris to sneak into the ring with a steel-folding chair. She raises it up – Mike Pence runs in- followed by his wife Karen (Pence never eats alone with a woman other than his wife and won’t attend events featuring alcohol without her by his side). Mike grabs the chair and stops Harris – the chair falls and accidently lands on Harris’s foot.

Colleen Crowder: “MIKE PENCE DID THAT ON PURPOSE!”

Johnny Suave: “Harris was going to hit ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott with that chair.”

Jack Buckenberg: “Er. Independent fact-checkers say that statement contains false information-“

Suave turns off Buckenberg’s microphone.

Crowder goes ballistic and demands Suave turn Buckenberg’s microphone back on.

Johnny Suave: “I guess it really does suck when you get censored, huh.”

Pence apologizes to Harris for the incident.

Harris kicks him in the groin.

Johnny Suave: “Ooooh. Apology not accepted. And Kamala Harris did that on purpose.”

Colleen Crowder: “She did not! She……….um, slipped.”

Karen Pence then tackles Harris in the ring and both women roll around on the mat.

Johnny Suave: “CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!”

Colleen Crowder: “Okay. That was totally offensive, Johnny.”

Meanwhile, Daniels runs the ropes – Scott ducks a clothesline and waits for him to come back to clock Daniels with a right hand. Scott blocks a suplex attempt using the power of gravity. Daniels walks into a body slam. Scott covers. One – two – 2.999! Daniels just gets a shoulder off the mat. Scott CLOBBERS Daniels with a right hand. Cover. One – two – THR-THE REFEREE GETS PULLED OUT OF THE RING!

Johnny Suave: “WHAT THE HELL?”

All three members of the Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves Colleen Crowder- New York Times, Sharon Johns- CNN, and Dan Miller- Washington Post yank the referee out of the ring.

All hell breaks loose. The media climb into the ring while another referee appears and rolls in under the ropes.

Scott’s trying to figure out what’s going on. Daniels just gets back to his feet and even he’s wondering what’s happening.

The referee calls for the bell. He goes to ring announcer Kimber Marshall and tells her what his decision is.

Marshall climbs into the ring and makes the announcement.

WINNER AND NEW PCW MEN’S CHAMPION: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) @ 10:48

Johnny Suave: “WHAT?”

A huge celebration erupts in the ring as Arizona Secretary of State Katie Hobbs, Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams join Daniels, the Bidens, Harris, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and the Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves (Crowder-NY Times, Johns-CNN, and Miller-Washington Post).

Outside the ring and around the bar- not so much. The PCW fans are shocked. Kevin Scott is stunned at the decision. Trump is furious and tries to corral the referee but the ref is in the middle of the Progressive Alliance party going on in the ring.

Johnny Suave: “Kevin Daniels has been named the new PCW champion even though he did not pin ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott.”

If the PCW fans didn’t like the Daniels decision, they definitely didn’t like what happened next…

THE DECISION. TRUMP OR BIDEN? The Coke Brothers (Charles and David), George Moros, Lincoln Project Executive Director Sarah Lenti slowly make their way down to the ring.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Johnny Suave: “The fans have already connected the dots on this one. Dawn McGill- missing. The DC Establishment is here.”

The Cokes, Moros, and Lenti have to duck and dodge debris.

Biden stands in front of the big group that’s gathered inside the ring for the announcement. Donald Trump stands on the outside.

The four climb into the ring. Moros has a microphone and he doesn’t waste any time.

George Moros: “Joe Biden-“

The Progressive Alliance explode with joy inside the ring.

Johnny Suave: “THAT’S IT! JOE BIDEN HAS BEEN SELECTED TO BECOME THE NEW CEO OF POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Biden looks towards Trump for the traditional post-match handshake- but Trump has already left ringside and headed towards the back.

Johnny Suave: “NO HANDSHAKE. TRUMP’S GOING TO THE BACK.”

Suave wraps up the show by reviewing the results.

-MATCH #1-Kayleigh McEnaney defeats CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter in a handicap match -MATCH #2/ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) defeated Martha McSally (American Patriots) -Gavin Newsom (CA-Progressive Alliance) makes a case for PCW to come to California. -MATCH #3/SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) defeated Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance) -Both Joe Biden and Donald Trump interview with PCW Owner Dawn McGill for the PCW CEO position. -MATCH #4/PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises (Conservative Inc./American Patriots) defeat The Green World Order (Progressive Alliance) and The Deplorables (American Heartland Coalition) -MATCH #5/ALABAMA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) defeated Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) -MATCH #6/HOUSE WAR GAMES MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots -MATCH #7/MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) defeated John James (American Patriots) -MAIN EVENT #1/PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) defeated ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen (American Patriots) -MAIN EVENT #2/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels w/PCW CEO candidate Joe Biden, Aide de Camp candidate Kamala Harris (Progressive Alliance) defeated ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott w/PCW CEO Donald Trump, Aide de Camp Mike Pence (American Patriots) -Joe Biden named the new CEO of PCW.

2 notes · View notes

pcwpolwrestling · 4 years ago

Text

PCW Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One

================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Wauseon, Ohio Taped Tuesday November 3rd, 2020 Thursday December 31st, 2020

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

SHOW OPEN The crowd starts out with a “PCW! PCW!” chant to start the show.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave comes out with a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain and says, “Welcome to PCW- Loose Cannons LOCK AND LOAD!”

The crowd continues the “PCW” chant- much to the annoyance of Suave’s real life co-host Colleen Crowder.

Johnny Suave: “We are coming to you tonight from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Wauseon, Ohio at the northeast corner of the intersection of Airport Highway and Shoop Avenue,” Suave continues. “I am Johnny Suave. This hot piece of cardboard is Shania Twain and tonight we find out who will be the PCW CEO for the next four years- current PCW CEO Donald Trump (American Patriots) or challenger Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance).”

Crowder glares at and then elbows Suave in the side at the omission of her introduction.

Suave responds in the most unenthusiastic way possible.

Johnny Suave: “Oh. And this is Colleen Crowder- a low level New York Times reporter trying to make a name for herself.”

Colleen Crowder: “Really? Do you have to say it like that?”

Suave ignores her and quickly moves on. He introduces a video clip from 2016’s Extreme Election Night when Trump defeated the Progressive Alliance’s Hillary Clinton.

(REPLAY: Extreme Election Night 2016- Donald Trump (American Patriots) vs. Hillary Clinton (Progressive Alliance) -It’s not looking good for Trump.

The mainstream media and the Washington DC establishment have interjected themselves into this match at every opportunity including Don Lemon of CNN, the Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson and Dana Milbank, and the New York Times’s David Brooks and Paul Krugman. Even some members of the American Patriots, John McCain, Lindsey Graham, former Jeb Bush, and Mitt Romney charge the ring on Clinton’s behalf and a huge scrum explodes. Trump finds himself swallowed up by a mass of humanity as members of each group literally throw each other out of the way to get to him.

Cut to Paul Ryan. He’s whistling while he ever so subtly tries to inch away from the ring, hoping that no one can see him subtly trying to inch away from the ring. Mitch McConnell? He’s gone from ringside and nowhere to be found. The rest of the establishment? Sitting in their seats reading the Wall Street Journal or on their phones making plans for their golf getaway.

Then…

-Deplorables ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and Charlie Blackwell stream to the ring followed by forty other people. Bryan hops up on the ring apron. He drapes Dana Milbank’s neck over the top rope and drops to the floor causing the Washington Post columnist to whiplash off the ropes and onto his back. McAvay wields a Big Bertha Driver and takes down Chuck Schumer (Progressive Alliance) and Lindsay Graham (American Patriots). Mitt Romney sees McAvay using the driver to pole axe his way through the crowd. He wisely uses discretion and decides to slip out of the ring. Blackwell jumps into the ring wielding a steel folding chair and starts taking people out left and right: Paul Krugman, Don Lemon, and Jeb Bush.

The American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and media contingent still in the ring decide to hastily exit stage right leaving just Trump, Hillary, McAvay, Blackwell, Bryan, and the forty-odd Deplorables inside.

Blackwell and McAvay re-station themselves outside the ring and the Les Miserables surrounding the squared circle. The ring steadily clears and when it does, leaving just Trump and Hillary inside, there’s an unpleasant realization for one side.

Johnny Suave: FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!

Clinton eventually has to submit to Trump’s figure four leg lock submission and Trump becomes the new PCW CEO.

Crowder complains… again… that Russian referee Corrina Romanov interceded on Trump’s behalf and cost Hillary Clinton the match.

“Who will leave here tonight as the CEO of PCW?,” Suave continues, again ignoring Crowder. “Will Donald Trump (American Patriots) book himself another four year stint at the top of the political universe? Or will Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance) put an end to Trump’s run and take PCW in a different direction?”

Colleen jumps in to point out polls indicate that Joe Biden will win tonight and win very easily.

Johnny Suave: “Because your polls was so correct four years ago.”

Suave then eats another elbow from Crowder.

youtube

The entrance music brings out the owner of PCW Dawn McGill as she makes her first appearance of the evening, much to the enthusiastic fanfare of the overwhelming majority inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

PCW Owner Dawn McGill

But not Colleen…

Colleen Crowder: “She’s the real problem! She just doesn’t get it.”

The camera pans around the arena. First…

The Deplorables/Les Miserables section of the bar: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay, ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, McAvay’s wife and one half of the famed West Texas Adult Entertainment duo Dark and Stormy, Stacee (Dark) Perry. Paige ‘Stormy’ Reynolds is also there along with Bert the Janitor and General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs- all on their feet cheering wildly.

Colleen Crowder: “And so are they. They’re the problem too!”

Next…

The Conservative Inc. section, the American Patriots/Never Trumpers/country club set (Bill Kristol. Charlie Sykes. Jonah Goldberg. David French. Tom Nichols. David Reaboi. Jennifer Rubin. David Brooks, Ben Sasse, Mitt Romney, Rick Wilson, George Conway, John Kasich. and S.E. Cupp)- are on their feet as well but not cheering all that wildly.

Finally…

Then there’s Progressive Alliance section. Professor McCarthy waves his ‘good book’ (the good book that tells us things that are correct or incorrect to say, think, or believe) in the air while his Flock- The Green World Order (Peta from PETA, GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, and PeaceNick), the Young Jerks (Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and Anna- the foul-mouthed sidekick), the Deep State (One and Two), Emily S. List, and Code Pink- all sit in their seats not happy to see McGill step out on stage.

McGill smiles and acknowledges the crowd.

Her smile goes away the second Nancy Pelosi (Progressive Alliance) and Mitch McConnell (American Patriots) walk out and join her.

Nancy Pelosi (CA-Progressive Alliance and Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots)

COMPROMISE AGREEMENT Dawn has a microphone.

Dawn McGill: “WELCOME EVERYONE TO P-C-W’S EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2020!”

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

McGill proclaims PCW is back and the faithful jammed inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon cheer her on.

Crowd: “Thank you Dawn (clap clap clap-clap-clap)! Thank you Dawn (clap clap clap-clap-clap)!”

Dawn McGill: “This show belongs to YOU! The people! This show is made by the people for you- the people!”

More wild cheers and thunderous applause.

Next, she tells the PCW faithful that she needs to make a quick announcement before Extreme Election Night 2020 gets under way.

McGill surprises many in the crowd when she announces that she’s reached a compromise agreement with Pelosi and McConnell and Joe Biden and Donald Trump will NOT wrestle each other in the main event tonight. Cue boos. McGill herself does not look all that pleased at this development either.

“Tonight’s main event will be ‘Stars N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott of the American Patriots with Donald Trump in his corner versus ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels from the Progressive Alliance with Joe Biden in his corner versus Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition for the PCW Title,” McGill explains.

Suave wonders if Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots) sold out Donald Trump by agreeing to the compromise agreement?

Dawn McGill: “Per the terms and conditions agreed to with Ms. Pelosi and Mr. McConnell, the PCW CEO will be named after the match in the same way it used to be- by the owner of PCW which in this case. . .”

McGill turns to Pelosi and McConnell and smirks.

Dawn McGill: “. . . is me.”

Pelosi’s smile suddenly goes away.

The crowd again expresses their support of Dawn McGill.

Crowder protests. Suave points out that former owner Bubba Jackson was the one who chose Barack Obama not once but twice. “I’m sure Dawn McGill can make a well-reasoned and fair decision here. I trust her a lot more than would trust your colleagues,” Suave declared.

Yeah, that doesn’t go over well. But before Crowder can work up enough righteous indignation to respond…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

VOICES OF ‘REASON’ …CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter come out and walk to the ring and gives the PCW fans a chance to express their righteous indignation.

Colleen Crowder: “It’s about time voices of reason come out and set these idiots straight.”

Tapper and Stelter both climb in.

Tapper reassures Crowder that ‘she’s not alone’ in having to put up with people who are unable to accept reality.

Jake Tapper: “There are some people that are so mendacious, I wouldn’t put them on the air, period. Like Kayleigh McEnany…”

Stelter shakes his head and mutters “she’s the worst.”

Jake Tapper: “These are just people who tell lies the way that most people breathe-”

*WHAM!*

Crowd pop.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S KAYLEIGH McENANY!”

And her steel folding chair. The crowd roars as Tapper falls to the floor. Stelter turns around and…

*WHAM!*

…he’s face down on the mat.

More crowd popping follows and causes Crowder to become even more indignant.

Colleen Crowder: “SHE CAN’T DO THAT!”

A referee suddenly races down to the ring.

Colleen Crowder: “WHAT?”

Johnny Suave: “WE’VE GOT AN IMPROMPTU MATCH!”

Colleen Crowder: “NOOOOOO!”

*****************************

MATCH #1-HANDICAP MATCH

Trump Spokesperson Kayleigh McEnaney vs. CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter

*****************************

**DING-DING**

Both Tapper and Stelter remain on the mat.

Jim Acosta runs in…

*WHAM!*

…and joins them.

Don Lemon rushes down…

*WHAM!*

��yep, same result.

Kaitlan Collins…

*WHAM!*

…down and out.

Johnny Suave: “HERE COMES JEFF ZUCKER!”

The President of CNN rolls into the ring. He’s pissed and starts shouting at McEnaney.

The result?

*WHAM!*

Zucker finds himself careening through the ropes to the outside.

Crowder goes full on apoplectic now. “SHE CAN’T DO THAT!” she shouts at the top of her lungs.

McEnaney throws the chair down and drags Tapper on top of Stelter. She sticks her foot on top of the pile.

ONE.

TWO.

THREE!

**DING-DING-DING**

WINNER: Kayleigh McEnaney @ :30

Johnny Suave: “Kayleigh McEnaney just wiped out CNN!”

McEnaney grabs the microphone. She calls what just happened tonight “a therapy session for a broken network” Then McEnaney drops the chair and leaves.

Colleen Crowder: “Kayleigh McEnaney doesn’t get to determine what the truth is- that’s our job. We determine the truth. We determine the narrative. We determine the news the people need to see. We determine the way that the people should react.”

Johnny Suave: “Just like pro wrestling.”

Suave winks. Colleen just glares at her broadcast partner.

Johnny Suave: “That’s the problem. Most people would rather you just report the news and let us figure out how we feel about it.”

Crowder starts to respond. Suave cuts her off and runs down the rest of the card for tonight.

ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Martha McSally (American Patriots) vs. Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance)

MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) vs. John James (American Patriots)

SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) vs. Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance)

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE FACTION WAR GAMES HOUSE MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots

PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) vs. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Vengeful Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) vs. The Deplorables: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

PCW CEO Donald Trump (American Patriots) and challenger Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance)

Finally, either Donald Trump or Joe Biden will be chosen to become the CEO of PCW for the next four years.

Crowder says all the ingredients are there for a blue wave to sweep through PCW. Suave responds that we’ll find that out soon enough and sends it back to the ring for the second match of the night.

*******************************

MATCH #2-ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Martha McSally (American Patriots) vs. Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance)

*******************************

McSally returns after losing two years ago to Krysten Sinema at Extreme Election Night 2018. Can she pick up her first PCW win over former astronaut, and husband to Gabrielle Giffords, Mark Kelly? Or will Kelly continue the recent trend of Progressive Alliance wins in Arizona?

**DING-DING**

Johnny Suave: “And we are underway!”

Kelly and McSally circle. Wicked chop hits McSally and then she takes a headbutt from Kelly. Whip to the ropes – scoop slam to McSally by Kelly. Another whip to the ropes – McSally ducks – off the opposite ropes – Kelly evades a right hand – belly to back suplex to McSally. Cover. McSally kicks out. Kelly with a headlock – McSally reverses and takes down Kelly. McSally waits – and spears Kelly to the mat. Cover One – two – kick out. Waistlock by McSally – Kelly reverses and takes McSally down with a judo takeover. Leg drop by Kelly. Cover. One – two – NO! McSally gets the shoulder up. Kelly drags McSally up and pops her with a steel folding chairshot. McSally looks done. Kelly hooks the leg. One – two – NO! McSally kicks out before the 3.

Colleen Crowder: “That’s it! I’m calling the match for Mark Kelly!”

Johnny Suave: “The match is not even remotely close to being finished-“

Colleen Crowder: “Nope! It’s over!”

Kelly swings the chair again – McSally dodges. She goes springboard off the ropes and kicks the chair into Kelly’s face. Right hand by McSally drops her and the fans fire up! Kelly back up – McSally with a waistlock. Kelly escapes – but runs into a roll up. One – two – Kelly slips out in time and then decks McSally with a front kick. Cover. One – two – NO! McSally gets her shoulder up in time. McSally goes to the ropes and rushes at the champion. Kelly greets her with a chop that literally takes McSally right off her feet! McSally scrambles up – Kelly measures and SUPERKICK! McSally collapses to the mat. Cover. One – two – NO! And then a spinning knee from Kelly and again, McSally is down. One – two – NO! McSally miraculously escapes again. Kelly reels McSally in, but McSally wrenches free, only for Kelly to waistlock, spin and LARIAT! Hook of the the legs. One – two – NOOOOOOO!

Johnny Suave: “McSally kicked out at the very last second! It’s not over yet!”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope. We’ve already called it. The match is over.”

Shaking his head, Kelly methodically rolls out of the ring and pulls a table out from under. He sets the table up in the ring and brings McSally back to her feet – McSally fights out of a grapple and chops Kelly. Arm drag takedown by McSally and she goes top rope. Then…

Johnny Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! THAT’S ARIZONA SECRETARY OF STATE KATIE HOBBS!”

Hobbs (Progressive Alliance) to ringside. She goes to McSally and shoves her off the top rope. McSally flies and goes through a table.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Now it’s Kelly’s turn. Kelly sets McSally up on his back. Gory Special sends McSally face first to the mat and shook the ring. Kelly covers. One….two….THREE!!

WINNER OF ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) @ 7:54

The referee hands Kelly the medallion.

Johnny Suave: “McSally did everything she could. Katie Hobbs’s interference helped swing the match to Mark Kelly.”

Crowder is blatantly cheering on the result. She’s going full on gloat.

Colleen Crowder: “What did I tell you Johnny? We called the match and we were right! Blue Wave baby, Blue Wave! First Martha McSally, next Lindsey Graham.”

Suave expresses skepticism about Graham losing tonight.

Colleen Crowder: “The polls and our narrative say Graham’s going down.”

CALIFORNIA DREAMING California Governor Gavin Newsom. No mask. Dining out with some ‘friends’ inside a swanky restaurant while normal Californians are subjected to strict guidelines against large gatherings and ‘staying home.’

Newsom makes a plea for Joe Biden to bring PCW to California.

Suave notes that Dawn McGill is on record as stating that as long as she’s the owner, PCW will never set foot in California.

Gavin Newsom: “Joe. When you win later on tonight and become the new PCW CEO, don’t forget that California is open for business!”

In the background, an endless parade of moving trucks pass by.

Newsom says forget holding PCW shows in rednecky bars out in the middle of Nowheresville USA-California is the place PCW should be. He hails California as the home of Silicon Valley, Hollywood, the Pacific Coast, Disneyworld-

Johnny Suave: “Closed. Employees laid off.”

Gavin Newsom: “And-“

Johnny Suave: “Choking regulations that is driving business out of the state.”

Several moving trucks honk as they drive past.

Suave also notes an average California home costs $440,000 (two–and–a–half times the average national home price of $180,000) and that the average monthly rent is about $1,240 (50 percent higher than the rest of the country-$840 per month).

Behind Newsom, Elon Musk looks at him with disgust. Then he leaves and hops on a moving truck.

Gavin Newsom: “With all that, it’s no wonder that California is the place to be. So come to California, PCW. And, oh, make sure you bring your checkbook…”

Suddenly, the electricity goes out and the restaurant is left in total darkness.

Gavin Newsom: “…so you too can live the California dream!”

*********************************

MATCH #3- SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) vs. Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance)

*********************************

Colleen Crowder: “Our polls say that Lindsey Graham is in trouble. I predict he’ll fall before the big Blue Wave that’s coming!”

Johnny Suave: “Well? We’ll find out in just a moment. Will this be Lindsey Graham’s biggest battle yet? Will Jaime Harrison bring the South Carolina Medallion to the Progressive Alliance?”

…Harrison goes waistlock – Graham elbows him away! He drives his shoulder into Harrison’s gut and drives him into the corner turnbuckle. Graham then with a forearm shot and runs at Harrison again – shoulder into the stomach topples him over. Cover. One – TWO!

Johnny Suave: “Harrison kicks out. But the surprise here is just how tenacious Lindsey Graham has been tonight about defending his South Carolina Medallion.”

Crowder calls Graham’s effort noble but futile. She still maintains that Harrison will win.

Graham doesn’t let up. Hip toss sends Harrison to the middle of the ring. Cover – One – TWO! Again Harrison kicks out. This time he rakes Graham’s eyes and whips him into the corner.

Colleen Crowder: “Here we go! Jaime Harrison is going to-“

Graham counters with a raised foot to the face. Graham waits – he launches himself at Harrison –LARIAT! Cover. One – two – THREE!

WINNER OF SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) @ 3:15

Johnny Suave: “And the answer is no. Crowder was not correct and Lindsey Graham wins comfortably.”

Suave turns to Colleen for her take on the match.

Colleen Crowder: “The match isn’t over yet, Johnny. We haven’t called it yet.”

Johnny Suave: “The referee just made the three count. It’s over.”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope. It’s not until we call it and say it’s over.”

JOE BIDEN INTERVIEW Shaking his head, Suave moves on. He recounts Extreme Election Night 2008 and 2012 where the then-owner of PCW came out after the main event and announced who would be the PCW CEO for the next four years.

VIDEO REPLAY: –2008. PCW Owner Bubba Jackson names Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) as the winner and new CEO of PCW. He shakes hands with his opponent John McCain (American Patriots).

-2012. Jackson again names Obama as the winner. Obama’s opponent Mitt Romney (American Patriots) walks over and shakes hands with the returning PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: “Then in 2016 after Dawn McGill took over ownership of PCW, Donald Trump defeated Hillary Clinton inside the ring to succeed Barack Obama. But tonight, we return to the old way.

Cut to: Outside Dawn McGill’s office.

Inside Dawn’s office. The Progressive Alliance’s Joe Biden.

Johnny Suave: During Extreme Election Night, the candidate is interviewed by the PCW owner.

The door opens. Biden and his candidate for Aide de Camp Kamala Harris emerges from McGIll’s office.

There’s a perfunctory handshake between McGill and Biden just outside her office that seems more than a little bit awkward.

Then Biden goes to the podium to talk briefly to his supporters. There’s eight of them on hand- socially distanced standing in appropriately separated circles.

Biden gives a brief statement and ends with…

Joe Biden: “We’re going to build back…um…to make better…changes so we can…change for the… better.”

He also added.

Joe Biden: “TRUNALIMUNUMAPRZURE!”

Scattered applause.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Colleen Crowder: Ladies and gentlemen. This is your next PCW CEO!

Johnny Suave: Next in to see PCW Owner Dawn McGill- the current CEO of Political Championship Wrestling, Donald Trump.

Crowder gives a thumbs-down to Trump and ‘boos.’

Cut back to outside Dawn McGill’s office.

TRUMP INTERVIEW Following Trump’s interview with McGill, he and his Aide de Camp Mike Pence exit her office- both smiling.

Trump and McGill share a more effusive handshake, again everyone all smiles.

Trump then goes to the podium and addresses the enthusiastic two hundred and fifty people who’ve crowded into a very tight area to hear him speak.

Colleen Crowder: Really? Where’s the social distancing? Where’s the masks? This is irresponsible.

Trump gives his break remarks and ends with…

Donald Trump: We are one movement, one people, and one family! Together we will make PCW great again!

Big cheers follow.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Johnny Suave: “So Colleen, how’s that Blue Wave coming along?”

Colleen Crowder: “Shut up! The night isn’t over yet and we still haven’t called the Lindsey Graham-Jaime Harrison match.”

Johnny Suave: “I’ll make it easy for you. Graham has the medallion. He won. Harrison lost.”

Colleen Crowder: “But we didn’t call it-“

THE AMERICAN PATRIOT BOX Quick cut to the American Patriots’ box. The Coke Brothers-Charles and David, financiers and mover and shaker of the American Patriots, glares towards the ring from his suite. He plucks his phone from a suit pocket and punches in a number.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE BOX Quick cut to the Progressive Alliance box. George Moros, big money spender and mover and shaker in the Progressive Alliance, has a sour look on his face as well.

TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH TIME Suave announces it’s time for the big three-way PCW Tag Team Title match.

First team out…

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

Pop. Big…big pop.

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd erupts when the video screen shows the door to a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”

Colleen Crowder (voiceover): What do you mean it’s time? It’s time for what?

The door opens and eight male bodyguards walk out of the dressing room encircling a petite 95 pound woman and her executive assistant Melissa in the middle. The woman, dressed in a smart, dark business suit and heels, is busy talking on her cell phone. Melissa furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring followed by P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit.

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

A huge roar greets the procession as it emerges from the back onto the stage and starts their way down the ramp. Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as the ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.

Berg and her Executive Assistant Melissa leads Banks and Walstreit out to the stage.

Jill Berg Enterprises MGR: ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg ASST: Melissa P.M.C. Banks AGE: 30 / HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 230 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: Bank Statement Overdraft Kirk Walstreit – ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.’ AGE: 34 / HT: 6’ 2” WT: 220, HOME: New York City, NY FIN: Stock Market Plunge

Berg leads the group down to the ring. Once inside the ring, Walstreit walks around holding up a velvet painting of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit. Why? Who knows. That’s just what he does.

Next out…

youtube

♫ “Do you hear the people sing? – Singing the song of angry men?”

The camera pans over to the Deplorable’s section of the arena. Ray McAvay and William Daniels Bryan high five while Charlie Blackwell and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido stands up from their seat.

Crowder is not happy to see them.

Colleen Crowder: “BOOOO! BOOOOO! These Deplorable idiots are the ones responsible for Donald Trump winning in 2016! BOOOOO!”

The Deplorables MGR: Bert the Janitor ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay HT: 6’ 3” WT: 215 HOME: Fort Stockton, TX FIN: McGill Bomb Valets: West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy William Daniels Bryan– ‘The Prairie Populist’ -4 time PCW Champion. Former PCW Television Champion HT: 5’10″ WT: 180, HOME: Platte, Nebraska / FIN: Cattle Mutilation or the Crane Kick SUBGROUP: General DeBauchery, Al Cahall, Nic Koteen

Also rising from their seats, General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs and the man smoking a cigarette in violation of several anti-smoking ordinances…as usual, Nic Koteen.

McAvay and Bryan stands up and edges towards the aisle. Blackwell, and Escondido follow. Then General DeBauchery, Cahall, and Koteen. Before McAvay and Escondido start to descend down the steps towards the rail separating the stands from the floor, McAvay turns around and gestures to the Les Miserables to join him.

The Deplorables rise up from their seats and line up behind him and Escondido as the pair start their way down towards the ring.

The camera spots West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy with their protégée Starbrite, all sporting the PCW Ray McAvay “Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up. Get to Work” baseball jersey, marching along with the other Les Miserables as McAvay and the procession head down to the ring.

McAvay, Bryan, Blackwell, Escondido, and the rest reach the steel barricade around ringside. One by one, they climb through the railing down to the floor and march towards the ring.

Then finally…

WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!

youtube

The song opens with a full minute and a half of abstract acapella tones. The wrestlers already in the ring wonder what the hell is with the music.

They’d find out soon enough after another minute of somber keyboard strikes and overlaid whale calls.

Male Voice: “My name is Brock Cole Lee. You can call me the Vengeful Vegan. And I’m here to let you know one thing. It’s time for a new force to emerge. It’s time for someone to come in and take over. It’s time for us- the GREEN… WORLD…ORDER!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Brock Cole Lee: “That’s right. Boo us all you want. The bottom line is . . . the Green World Order is here and WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!”

This excites Crowder.

Colleen Crowder: “They’re changing everything Johnny!”

Johnny Suave: “They’ve been saying that since 2005. I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Lee, his tag team partner GreenPete, and valet Peta from PETA- who spends most of the trip to the ring shouting at people for eating hamburgers and other assorted objectionable food.

Green World Order Valet: Peta from PETA GreenPete HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 195 / HOME: Los Angeles, CA FIN: Harpoon (modified spear or gore) ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 192 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: The Juicer WITH: PeaceNick

All three teams in the ring now.

*********************************

MATCH #4-PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:

Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) vs. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Vengeful Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) vs. The Deplorables: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘The Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

*********************************

Johnny Suave: “This is NOT an elimination match. The first team who gets a pinfall will be the new PCW Tag Team champions.”

Colleen Crowder: “GO GREEN WORLD ORDER!”

P.M.C. Banks, McAvay, and GreenPete will start. Outside the ring, The ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg watches with arms folded. The Green World Order’s PeaceNick chants peaceful, pacifistic mantras while Peta continues to berate people at ringside for eating meat. The Deplorables at ringside clap their hands and cheer on McAvay and Bryan.

Brock Cole Lee and Kirk Walstreit taunt each other on the ring apron. Banks and GreenPete do a lot of talking while McAvay and Bryan confer. Banks shoves GreenPete. GreenPete shoves Banks. Head butt by GreenPete staggers Banks. He slams him down. Cover. One – two – McAvay makes the save.

Banks rolls out of the ring. GreenPete tags out to Brock Cole Lee who tells Banks to get his ass back into the ring. Banks and Walstreit talk strategy outside the ring with Jill Berg. Finally, a ten count begins and Banks returns.

Banks ties up with McAvay. McAvay gets leveled from behind by Lee. Banks decides he’s had enough and tags out to Kirk Walstreit. Walstreit rushes in – Lee gets a takedown. Waistlock by Lee – he holds on as Walstreit tries to escape. McAvay back up and he’s got a chair thanks to his tag partner. *WHAM!* Walstreit then German Suplexes Lee. Oklahoma Roll – one – two – GreenPete in for the save. Bryan tags in and he connects on a mat slam to Walstreit. He covers. One – two – BANKS MAKES THE SAVE! Lee tags GreenPete back in. Bryan and Walstreit duel – MULE KICK by GreenPete connects. Walstreit lets go – he dives for the corner – NO! GreenPete pulls him back at the last second. Lee clocks Bryan from behind with a steel folding chair and then throws him out of the ring. Banks tags in for Walstreit. GreenPete kicks Banks around the ring. Banks down. He tries to get to his corner but Walstreit stomps away with kick after kick after kick. The referee starts a five count – GreenPete stomps more. Then he goes back suplex but Banks lands on his feet. He ducks two more kicks from GreenPete and hits a DESPERATION BANK STATEMENT OVERDRAFT.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Colleen Crowder: “THAT CAN’T BE LEGAL!”

Suave assures her it is and that GreenPete is down and in big trouble.

Crowd on their feet. But Banks can’t make the pinfall on GreenPete. Both men crawl to their corners – hot tags to Brock Cole Lee and Walstreit! Lee and Walstreit exchange right hands. Lee decks Walstreit with a right hand.

Outside the ring, Jill Berg strolls over and… *SMACK* unleashes a vicious spinning heel kick to an unsuspecting GreenPete and knocks him out cold.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT? WHAT IS SHE DOING?

PeaceNick looks on in horror and starts to protest. Berg calmly walks over to him and *SMACK* …you guessed it.

Johnny Suave: Getting in some martial arts training during the match?

We hear Crowder’s overly audible ‘huff’ following Suave’s remark.

Now Bryan back in and he’s looking for anyone in a green shirt. He ducks a Lee clothesline and runs the ropes. Bryan ducks a second clothesline – stops, spins around – SLEEPER! Lee spins around and tries to get Bryan off his back. Lee slams Bryan into the corner turnbuckle. And again. A third time – Bryan is scraped off. Banks give him a stomp and then clocks Lee. GreenPete in the ring and runs and SPLASHES Banks in the corner. Banks down. Cover by Bryan. One – two – WALSTREIT MAKES THE SAVE! Bryan goes after Banks. Lee scoop slams Bryan. Cover. One – two – BRYAN GETS THE SHOULDER UP!

Bryan slips through Lee’s legs and tags McAvay back in. Both Deplorables hook up Banks, then hit a double suplex. McAvay’s cover. One – two – NO! Banks kicks out. Lee shoves McAvay out of the way and hits a spinning neckbreaker on Banks. Cover. One – two – Banks again kicks out. Banks reverses a hip toss – steps back – SUPERKICK TO BROCK COLE LEE! Lee down. Banks rolls over. One – two – Lee kicks out. Banks tags Kirk Walstreit back in. Flying elbow off the top rope by Walstreit takes Lee down again. He covers. One – two – 2.999!

Johnny Suave: “RAY McAVAY MAKES THE LAST SECOND SAVE!”

McAvay goes for the cover. But two masked men hit the ring and tackle him.

Johnny Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! IT’S LOAF!”

League of Anti-Fascists aka…LOAF Ted HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 180 / HOME: Portland, OR FIN: Chaz HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 205 / HOME: Seattle, WA FIN:

McAvay tries to fight LOAF off – but Ted throws McAvay over the top rope to the floor. Then LOAF hop over the top rope and splashes McAvay and Bryan on the floor.

Colleen Crowder: “This is payback Johnny. Payback for what McAvay and Bryan did four years ago to help Donald Trump become the CEO of PCW and it’s ABOUT TIME!”

The Deplorables come to McAvay and Bryan’s aid and LOAF has to bail out.

Johnny Suave: “But the damage is done. Both McAvay and Bryan are down.”

Not for long though, McAvay drags himself up.

*SMACK*

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP! JILL BERG JUST TOOK OUT RAY McAVAY WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK!”

*SMACK*

Johnny Suave: “AND WILLIAM DANIELS BRYAN, TOO!”

This makes Crowder happy.

Colleen Crowder: “Again, it couldn’t have happened to better people.”

Walstreit again goes top rope – flying ax-handle drives Lee back down. Cover. One – two – NO! Lee ejects Walstreit to the middle of the ring. Walstreit with a waistlock – Lee reverses – backdrop to Walstreit. Cover. One – two – Walstreit slips out. P.M.C. Banks runs in. He slams Lee down. Walstreit comes over. Set. DOUBLE SUPERKICKS!! Lee is out of his feet. Walstreit in – STOCK MARKET PLUNGE! COVER! ONE – TWO- THREE! NEW CHAMPIONS!

WINNER AND **NEW** PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Jill Berg Enterprises @ 14:05

Johnny Suave: “Jill Berg Enterprises win!”

Colleen Crowder: “Again, they have not. We have not called the-“

The referee hands Walstreit and Banks the PCW Tag Team title match.

Johnny Suave: “Walstreit and Banks hold up their new title belts!”

Colleen Crowder: “They can’t do that! This match hasn’t been called yet!”

Johnny Suave: “Breaking news! The new PCW Tag Team champions put on their new title belts signifying that they are, in fact, the NEW PCW Tag Team champions.”

Colleen Crowder: “Don’t you dare mansplain to me!”

Johnny Suave: “Okay. We are going to go right to our next match. A special bonus match for the Alabama Senate Medallion between the Progressive Alliance’s Doug Jones and former Auburn Head Football Coach Tommy Tuberville of the American Patriots.”

Colleen Crowder: “That’s another win for the Progressive Alliance.”

Suave rolls his eyes and waves her off.

Cut to a quick video of the match:

VIDEO-Alabama Medallion Match: Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) vs. Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) Tuberville is having little trouble with Jones.

Voice Offscreen: “Hold on Johnny. Stop the video.”

SHOWSTOPPERS Arriving at the broadcast table: Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams- all from the Progressive Alliance.The group inform Suave that the show is going to be stopped for the moment.

Johnny Suave: “Stopped? But why?”

Josh Shapiro: “Look. This is the first show back. The production crew is tired. They’re getting back into the flow of things. So we will pick up the show on Sunday evening with the conclusion.”

Colleen Crowder: “When Joe Biden will become the new PCW CEO!”

Shapiro nods to Crowder.

Josh Shapiro: “When Joe Biden will become the next CEO of PCW.”

Johnny Suave: “I guess we will be back with Part Two of PCW Extreme Election Night 2020 on Sunday night! For Colleen Crowder-“Colleen Crowder: I am more than capable of saying goodbye. I don’t need a man to-Johnny Suave: Good night everyone!

Cut to:

EPILOGUE Darkened room. Dim light.

Shadows move around.

George Moros- billionaire financier of the Progressive Alliance.

The Coke Brothers- billionaire financiers of the American Patriots.

A door opens. Then closes.

Charles Coke: Sarah.

Sarah Lenti: What the hell is going on! I thought you had things under control.

David Coke: Sarah, I know things haven’t exactly gone to plan-

Sarah Lenti: Not gone to plan? Dawn McGill is still in control of PCW with all her ‘PCW is for the people’ bull-*BLEEP*.

George Moros tries to reassure her.

George Moros: Look. We stopped the show for the evening. That gives us time to figure this out.

Sarah Lenti: Dawn McGill is going to hand the reins of PCW to Donald Trump for another four years!

George Moros: No she won’t. Clearly, it’s time to take this to the next level.

Moros pulls out a cell phone and hits a button.

George Moros: It’s time. Operation Dominion is in effect.

[‘Trumpet Concerto No. 2 in D major – 3 Allegro assai’ begins to play in the background and P-SPAN quickly cuts away to another political event.]

1 note · View note

pcwpolwrestling · 4 years ago

Text

Riot Breaks Out at PCW Show

================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

REPLAY: PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2020-NOVEMBER 3rd, 2020 –The video screen comes to life.

Johnny Suave: “What the hell is going on?”

The video screen zeroes in on a scuffle backstage.

Who’s Involved? Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy’s Progressive Flock -The Green World Order: GreenPete, PeaceNick, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, Peta from PETA -The Young Jerks: Zenk Cryger, James Idaho, and Anna the foul-mouthed sidekick -Code Pink and Emily S. List -The League of Anti-Fascists: Ted and Chaz

American Heartland Coalition -Charlie Blackwell -‘PCW’s Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

Johnny Suave: “Professor McCarthy’s Flock are beating down Charlie Blackwell and Tessa Martin. Both are scheduled to wrestle later on in the evening!”

Colleen Crowder: “It looks like a peaceful protest to me, Johnny.”

Blackwell gets flung into the wall by GreenPete and Brock Cole Lee. Code Pink glitter bombs Tessa – she’s blinded. Emily S. List then DDT’s her to the floor.

“Yeah. Totally peaceful,” Suave says in a tone totally dripping with sarcasm.

Dawn immediately rolls out of the ring and takes off for the back…

…

…PCW cameras find Charlie Blackwell and ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin laid out on the floor backstage being attended to by Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean-Up Crew. Also on hand, ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and the Deplorables.

No sign of Professor McCarthy’s Flock.

More worrying, no sign of PCW Owner Dawn McGill. One of the Deplorables finds a heel shoe McGill was wearing on the floor and brings it to McAvay.

McAvay asks if anyone’s seen McGill? The PCW Clean-Up Crew tell him the only people they found were Blackwell and Martin.

McAvay immediately sends the Deplorables out to look for Dawn McGill. (END VIDEO)

RURAL COMPOUND THE AFTERNOON OF WEDNESDAY JANUARY 6TH, 2021 ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay, ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, Charlie Blackwell, and the Vice Squad’s General DeBauchery have snuck onto an estate. All four lie on the ground, dressed in military-ish garb, armed and dangerous.

McAvay peers at a building ahead of them through a pair of binoculars and tells the others to be on ‘standby.’

General DeBauchery peers through the sights of a big sniper-like gun.

General DeBauchery: Set.

McAvay counts down from 3, 2, 1. General DeBauchery shoots out a window and Bryan throws a concussion grenade through the opening.

*KA-BOOM*

Ray McAvay: MOVE!

The group charges forward.

Charlie Blackwell kicks in the door. Inside, they find two guards on the floor.

Footsteps.

Two more men rush in. General DeBauchery cocks his weapon and fires. He hits both guards in their legs. They fall. Bryan and Blackwell disarm the pair.

McAvay motions to one of the guards.

Ray McAvay: Where is she?

General DeBauchery points his gun at the guard to add a little incentive. The guard points towards one of the back rooms. McAvay heads there and opens the door.

Dawn McGill: MMMPPHHH!

McAvay finds McGill tied up on the floor. Hair disheveled and wearing the same clothes she wore at Extreme Election Night 2020. He removes the gag.

Dawn McGill: Took you guys long enough.

Ray McAvay: Yeah, we’re not really all that experienced with this type of armed commando raid.

McAvay unties her and helps the owner of PCW to her feet. It takes a second for Dawn to get her bearings and her balance back.

Ray McAvay: We need to get to Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon…NOW!

McAvay then explains the issue. If the January 6th show does not take place, PCW will default on its contract with Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon and Dawn could lose the show all together to The Coke Brothers and George Moros.

McGill tells McAvay she’ll make sure the show happens. McAvay hands her his cell phone and she makes a call.

===============================

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Political TV Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Wauseon, Ohio Taped Wednesday January 6th, 2020 Sunday January 10th, 2021

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Suave reviews what went down at Extreme Election Night in November.

RESULTS FROM PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2020 -PCW Owner Dawn McGill welcomes everyone back to PCW. She then announces a ‘compromise’ deal had been reached with Mitch McConnell (American Patriots) and Nancy Pelosi (Progressive Alliance)- ‘Stars N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott of the American Patriots with Donald Trump in his corner will face ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels from the Progressive Alliance with Joe Biden in his corner and Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition for the PCW Title. At the end of the show, Dawn would then announce who the new CEO of PCW will be: either Donald Trump (American Patriots) or Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance) -MATCH #1-Kayleigh McEnaney defeats CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter in a handicap match -MATCH #2/ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) defeated Martha McSally (American Patriots) -Gavin Newsom (CA-Progressive Alliance) makes a case for PCW to come to California. -MATCH #3/SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) defeated Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance) -Both Joe Biden and Donald Trump interview with PCW Owner Dawn McGill for the PCW CEO position. -MATCH #4/PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises (Conservative Inc./American Patriots) defeat The Green World Order (Progressive Alliance) and The Deplorables (American Heartland Coalition) -MATCH #5/ALABAMA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) vs. Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) joined in progress.

The show is stopped at that point by Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams- all from the Progressive Alliance.

-When the show restarts, Tuberville finishes off Jones. -Dawn McGill comes out and gives a second speech. But the video screen shows Professor McCarthy’s Flock assaulting Charlie Blackwell and Tessa Martin. Dawn Immediately runs to the back. -MATCH #6/HOUSE WAR GAMES MATCH: Team Progressive Alliance defeats Team American Patriots -Backstage, Blackwell and Tessa are being attended to by Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean-Up crew. Neither Professor McCarthy’s Flock nor Dawn McGill can be found. McGill’s heel is found on the scene. -MATCH #7/MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) defeated John James (American Patriots). -Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean-Up Crew are back at work attending to Ray McAvay, who’s found backstage after being attacked. Still no sign of Dawn McGill. -The Coke Brothers-Charles and David, Executive Director of the Lincoln Project Sarah Lenti, and George Moros are pleased with the direction the night is going. -MAIN EVENT #1/PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) defeated ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen to become the new PCW Women’s Champion. -Bill de Blasio (NY-Progressive Alliance) makes a case for PCW to come to New York City. -MAIN EVENT #2/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) defeated ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott to become the new PCW Champion. -With McGill missing, The Coke Brothers, Lenti, and Moros step in and name Joe Biden the new CEO of PCW.

Cut to the broadcast desk.

PCW! … PCW! … PCW! …

Colleen Crowder pops a bottle of champagne. Tonight, she doesn’t care about the PCW chant that usually offends her to no end.

Johnny Suave: Hello and welcome to Political Championship Wrrrrestling!

PCW! … PCW! … PCW! …

Crowder leans back and guzzles some the champagne.

Johnny Suave: We are back at the spiritual home of PCW, Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon!

Suave pauses for the requisite roar from the fans- who seem really amped up more than usual tonight.

Johnny Suave: Tonight, we’ve got the Georgia Medallion match which will be a tag team battle between the American Patriots David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler versus Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock from the Progressive Alliance in a winner take all match between both factions.

Colleen Crowder: Woo-hoo! Stacey Abrams says bet on the blue tonight baby!

Johnny Suave: Also tonight, after the controversial end to their match two months ago at Extreme Election Night 2020, PCW Champion ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels of the Progressive Alliance will face ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott for the title.

Colleen Crowder: There was nothing controversial about the match Johnny.

Suave points out to Colleen the fact since there was no pinfall in the match at Extreme Election Night 2020 and an unknown referee came in late and declared Daniels the winner constitutes ‘controversial’ in his mind.

Colleen Crowder: You’re lucky the CEO of Facetwitogram Jack Buckenberg isn’t here to properly fact check your false statement you presented without evidence.

Johnny Suave: Finally. We have word that Dawn McGill has finally been rescued.

Another roar from the crowd.

Johnny Suave: That’s right. She is on her way to Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon as we speak and we hope she makes it to tonight’s show in time.

Colleen Crowder: No we don’t.

DAWN McGILL! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) DAWN McGILL! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)

Johnny Suave: Well, the crowd is definitely making their feeling known.

Colleen Crowder: And no one cares, Johnny. The media sets the tone and tells them what they need to know.

Suave does a quick buildup of the opening match. The Progressive Alliance and American Patriots split the Senate Medallion matches at Extreme Election Night 2020. –ARIZONA: Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) defeated Martha McSally (American Patriots) -SOUTH CAROLINA: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) defeated Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance) -ALABAMA MATCH: Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) vs. Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) -MICHIGAN MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) defeated John James (American Patriots).

Johnny Suave: Tonight’s match will break that tie. Let’s go to the ring and Kimber Marshall.

Cut to Kimber in the ring.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. This match will be…

Crowd: ONE fall!

Kimber Marshall: …for the Georgia Senate Medallions and to determine the winner of the Senate Medallion Competition. Introducing first, in the blue corner. Representing the Progressive Alliance. Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff.

Some cheers. Lots of boos.

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents. In the red corner. Representing the American Patriots. Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue!

Lots of cheers. Some boos.

Johnny Suave: All right. It looks like the referee is ready and this match is underway.

******************************************

MATCH #1-GEORGIA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH

Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff (Progressive Alliance) vs. Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue (American Patriots)

******************************************

It’s a close match. A really close match. Both teams battle back and forth to forge any advantage they can.

…Ossoff lets go and he latches on a waistlock to Perdue. Perdue reverses. Ossoff reverses back and snags an armbar. Perdue scowls. He spins Ossoff around and trips him up. But Ossoff holds on to the arm. Perdue reverses. He unleashes a couple of chops. Boot to the gut by Ossoff. Perdue with more chops. Ossoff again boots Perdue in the gut. Knee lift wobbles Perdue to a corner. Ossoff runs in, but Loeffler is there with a chair!

*CLANG*

Down goes Ossoff. Perdue covers.

One…

Two…

Johnny Suave: STACEY ABRAMS PULLS THE REFEREE OUT OF THE RING!

Abrams grabs a chair.

*CLANG*

Down goes the referee.

Warnock runs Loeffler into the ring post. She’s knocked into dreamland.

Perdue starts to move a little. Ossoff lays the boots to him. He pulls Perdue back up. Wheelbarrow takedown! Cover! A new referee slides in.

Colleen Crowder: See? There’s no problem. The referee is back in the ring.

One-Two-THREE!

*DING-DING-DING*

WINNERS/GEORGIA SENATE MEDALLION: Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff @ 12:32

Johnny Suave: And that gives the Senate Medallion competition to the Progressive Alliance.

There are some Progressive Alliance supporters at the show tonight but the bulk of the PCW fans boo what happened. A few throw debris into the ring.

Colleen Crowder: Stacey Abrams knew what she was talking about when she said bet on Blue Johnny. Blue Wave! Blue Wave! Take that, sore losers!

IN TRANSIT A speeding vehicle blows past a highway patrolman parked off to the side on the Ohio Turnpike.

Inside the vehicle are The Deplorables: Ray McAvay, Charlie Blackwell, William Daniels Bryan, General DeBauchery of the Vice Squad, and PCW Owner Dawn McGill.

McGill just wraps up a phone call.

Dawn McGill: The first match is over. Ossoff and Warnock won. The Progressive Alliance won the Senate Medallion contest.

Ray McAvay: Wow. The Progressive Alliance is sweeping everything now.

McGill asks what happened after she was kidnapped at Extreme Election Night. McAvay explains the ending of the PCW title match when the PCW referee was pulled out of the ring, incapacitated, and then replaced by another ‘unknown’ referee who then declared ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) the winner of the match. The Coke Brothers, George Moros, and Lincoln Project Executive Sarah Lenti came out next and then named Joe Biden as the next PCW CEO.

Dawn McGill: Oooh. I’m sure Trump took that well.

Ray McAvay: Oh yeah. He didn’t.

McAvay then runs through the aftermath. Trump’s challenge of the ruling. Rudy Giuliani and his team trying to get Trump reinstated for a second four year term as PCW CEO.

Dawn McGill: I’m sure that didn’t go well.

Ray McAvay: Nope. Trump lost at every turn. Even the PCW Super Court of Justice shot him down, even after Sidney Powell threatened to ‘release the kraken.’

Dawn McGill: Release the kraken?

McAvay nods.

Dawn McGill: And what happened when she released said kraken?

McAvay chuckles.

Ray McAvay: Absolutely nothing. So, now Trump’s supposed to speak tonight. I don’t think he’ll concede but it’s over.

McGill checks her watch and urges McAvay to hurry.

But there’s a slight problem. McAvay glances at his rear view mirror.

Flashing red and blue lights.

Ray McAvay: Damn.

Dawn McGill: Ray! Really?

McGill flops back in the backseat and sighs.

Cut back to the broadcast desk.

The crowd is really rowdy tonight- loud, boisterous, almost to the point of being surly and agitated.

Johnny Suave: Well. There’s definitely a lot of emotion flowing through here tonight.

Colleen Crowder: Because they’re excited.

Suave agrees with that.

Colleen Crowder: These people are excited that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are about to ride in to rescue PCW from Donald Trump.

Suave doesn’t agree with that.

Colleen Crowder: Well, that’s the narrative we’re pushing-

The fans explode and immediately drown Crowder out.

Johnny Suave: Hold on a second.

Donald Trump appears and makes his way down the ramp.

Johnny Suave: The CEO of PCW is coming to the ring and he’s apparently going to make a statement.

Colleen Crowder: BOOOOOOO!

The supporters chant “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” which merges with the melody of the Imperial March from Star Wars and becomes:

♫ TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP♫

♫ TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP♫

As Trump reaches the ring and climbs in, Crowder mumbles something about January 20th not getting here soon enough.

Trump thanks everyone for being here tonight under extraordinary circumstances. He vowed to ‘never concede’ which revved the crowd up.

Donald Trump: You saw what happened at Extreme Election Night 2020. We will never give up. We will never concede. You don’t concede when there’s theft involved. It will never happen. We’ve had enough and we will not take it anymore.

The fans again stand and cheer.

Johnny Suave: Strong words coming from the outgoing PCW CEO and he’s really getting the PCW faithful fired up here.

Colleen Crowder: This is all a regurgitation of Trump’s false assertions and unproven claims that he was robbed of the CEO position, nothing more. Joe Biden won. Donald Trump lost. Believe our narrative everyone. Believe our narrative.

Trump talks for a couple more minutes and then wraps it up.

Donald Trump: We will not let them silence your voices. We’re not going to let that happen.

And with that, Trump makes his exit.

Johnny Suave: All right, let’s go backstage where PCW reporter Woodward Bernstein is with the challenger in tonight’s PCW title match- ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott.

KEVIN SCOTT INTERVIEW Cut to Bernstein backstage…

Woodward Bernstein: Thanks Johnny.

Scott steps into the shot.

Woodward Bernstein: How does it feel to be back in PCW?

Kevin Scott: It feels real good Woodward.

Scott ruminates about being PCW’s Original Rookie Sensation back in 2006-2007 and winning the PCW title for the first time back in 2008.

WAYBACK MACHINE: PCW Day of Judgment- March 4th, 2008 Starz N. Stripes Kevin Scott (American Patriots) vs. O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance) vs. Halitosis (Independent) in a three way elimination match for the PCW Title -Halitosis eliminated first via a Starz N. Stripes piledriver. – …Bahama misses a leg drop. Starz bounces up, lifts him up, and back suplexes Bahama. A second back suplex by Starz. Bahama wildly charges. Starz sidesteps. Bahama bounces off the ropes and Starz delivers a Death Valley Driver. Cover. 1…2…3!

WINNER AND NEW PCW CHAMPION: ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott.

Woodward Bernstein: Kevin, I know what happened two months ago at Extreme Election Night 2020 was extremely disappointing to you. Tonight, though, you get another shot at Mr. Hollywood, Kevin Daniels.

Kevin Scott: That’s right Woodward. I’ve been waiting for this moment for over two months because I did not lose that match at Extreme Election Night 2020. Kevin Daniels did not pin me. There was no one-two-three pinfall. I did not submit. I was not counted out. Daniels was given the title and… I’m sorry, that’s not going to fly.

Woodward Bernstein: So, suffice to say, you’re plenty motivated.

Kevin Scott: Oh you bet I am.

Woodward Bernstein: Can you do it one more time?

Scott smiles.

Kevin Scott: Watch me. I’m going to do it tonight.

Woodward Bernstein: Thanks Kevin.

Scott exits.

‘MR. HOLLYWOOD’ KEVIN DANIELS INTERVIEW Cut to the Progressive Alliance locker room.

Dan Miller ‘Low Level Washington Post Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Sharon Johns ‘Low Level CNN Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Interview with PCW champion “Mr. Hollywood” Kevin Daniels.

Dan Miller: Kevin. Starz N. Stripes Kevin Scott is sadly making the unsubstantiated claim that you did not defeat him at Extreme Election Night 2020. Your thoughts.

Kevin Daniels: Dan, I beat him. The crowd saw me beat him. The referee said I beat him. The referee is the final arbiter in these matters and I didn’t see PCW Owner Dawn McGill sticking her nose in to say anything different. So I won. I’m the champion. Kevin Scott needs to get over it.

Daniels points to the PCW title belt around his waist to further make his point.

Sharon Johns: So Kevin. With the win, I heard you received a lot of well wishes and congratulations from your fellow Hollywood stars.

Kevin Daniels: Absolutely.

Daniels goes on to name check just about every major Hollywood star, sports figures, you name it, Daniels name checks it, who reached out and congratulated him on winning the PCW title.

Kevin Daniels: Hollywood knows a champion when they see one. And that’s me. Mr. Hollywood. Kevin Daniels. YOUR PCW champion.

Sharon Johns: Thanks Kevin and make sure you kick Kevin Scott’s ass tonight.

Kevin Daniels: With pleasure.

STILL ON THE ROAD Still rolling westbound on the Ohio Turnpike, a harried and anxious Dawn McGill is on the phone again.

Dawn McGill: …what? The main event is about to start? But we’re still …

McGill spies a mile marker.

Dawn McGill: …sixty-five miles away!

She leans forward in her seat and whaps McAvay on the shoulder. McAvay reacts.

Ray McAvay: Hey! I’m driving as fast as I can without picking up a SECOND speeding ticket!

McGill wraps up the call and again falls back in her seat. She shakes her head.

Cut back to the broadcast desk.

Johnny Suave: All right. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for our main event. Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring. Kimber?

Cut to Kimber in the ring.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, this match will be…

Crowd: ONE FALL!

Kimber Marshall: …and it will be for the PCW Title! Introducing first, the challenger…

Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue comes on.

Kimber Marshall: From Ottumwa, Iowa and representing the American Patriots tonight in the red corner. He is a former 2 time PCW Champion, a former PCW Television Champion, and former PCW Tag Team Champion. PCW’s Original ‘Rookie Sensation.’ STARZ N. STRIPES… KEVIN! SCOTT!

‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott –former 2 time PCW Champion, PCW Television Champion, and PCW Tag Team Champion (as Starz N. Stripes). PCW’s Original ‘Rookie Sensation.’ HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 250, HOME: Ottumwa, IA / FIN: American Stars and Fujiawa Arm Bar

Scott comes out dressed in a red, white, and blue signet and mask. He stops on the stage and poses for the PCW faithful who give Scott a massive standing ovation.

Johnny Suave: After Trump’s speech, the crowd energy level has hit a different level. They are really making a lot of noise here tonight.

Crowder harrumphs and tells Suave it’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.

Kimber Marshall: And his opponent, from Hollywood, California-

The cheers turn on a dime to boos. Big time boos.

Kimber Marshall: He is accompanied tonight by The Skanky Rich Bimbos-Paris and Nicole, and ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt. The PCW Champion. Ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Hollywood. KEVIN DANIELS!

‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels HT: 6′ 0″ WT: 200 / HOME: Hollywood, CA / FIN: The True Hollywood Blockbuster VALETS: The Skanky Rich Bimbos (Paris and Nicole) and ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt

******************************************

MAIN EVENT-PCW TITLE MATCH

‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) © vs. ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott (American Patriots)

******************************************

The boos and jeers intensify. Again, debris flies towards the new PCW champion.

Johnny Suave: Kevin Daniels is getting a rough reception here tonight. I’d almost say too rough if you ask me.

Colleen Crowder: Nobody’s asking you… but you’re right.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy also comes out followed by his Flock: -The Green World Order: GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA -The Young Jerks: Zenk Cryger, James Idaho, and Anna -Code Pink, and Emily S. List.

Johnny Suave: Wonderful. And just when you thought the evening couldn’t get any worse.

Colleen Crowder: Finally. Someone needs to set these people straight and tell them to shut up.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Professor McCarthy: Well, well.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

McCarthy smirks and waits for the crowd.

Professor McCarthy: You can do this all night long and it won’t mean a damn thing. We have won several great victories here in the last two months.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Professor McCarthy: That’s right, one- we’ve taken out Dawn McGill. Two, we’ve taken down Donald Trump. Three- we’ve finally shouted down the Deplorables, removed Deplorables Charlie Blackwell and ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin as viable threats and made sure ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels was crowned as the rightful PCW champion, Kathryn Randall Collins- the rightful PCW Women’s champion and we’ve taken measures to ensure Deplorables Ray McAvay and William Daniels Bryan won’t be allowed near the PCW Tag Team title.

McCarthy holds up his good book that defines things that are correct or incorrect to say, think, or believe.

Professor McCarthy: Let this be a lesson to everyone. If you are unenlightened, if you are DEPLORABLe and I’m talking to ALL of you in ‘flyover country,’ red states and, counties all across the nation who aren’t as worldly or intellectually superior as we are, it’s time for you to shut up and listen to your betters. It’s time for you to throw your support towards us…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Johnny Suave: Yeah, they’re not really going along with that.

Professor McCarthy: …because if you don’t, we will shout you down.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Professor McCarthy: So sit down and shut up and watch your PCW champion shout down ‘Starz N. Stripes-

And more debris rain down from all parts of the bar.

Johnny Suave: He’s not helping.

Colleen Crowder: He’s absolutely right Johnny. According to the narrative we’re pushing, these people are simply deplorable and they need to shut up and stay in their lane.

At one point, Daniels points at someone and threatens to turn around and head to the back.

Johnny Suave: No, this is not good. Not good at all.

Daniels takes a few more steps forward and more debris is chucked his way. Even Starz N. Stripes Kevin Scott takes notice and he tries to calm people down.

The SRB and Switt do turn around and head to backstage.

Colleen Crowder: This is all Donald Trump’s fault. He encouraged this. He incited these idiots with his words.

Johnny Suave: Well, whether I agree with that or not, we’re going to have to get security out here before something happens.

Well, it does.

Legion of Anti-Fascists (LOAF) Ted HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 180 / HOME: Portland, OR FIN: The Riot Act Chaz HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 205 / HOME: Seattle, WA FIN: The Riot Act

Ted and Chaz also run down from the back and they start jawing with the crowd.

Johnny Suave: Oh crap.

Then it kicks off. LOAF disappears into the roiling crowd and all hell breaks loose.

Johnny Suave: Oh no.

Fights break out and debris fly all over the place.

Daniels hightails it to the back. Scott tries to play peacemaker. And it just falls apart.

Johnny Suave: We’re going to have to evacuate our broadcast position and get to safety.

Scott helps marshall Suave and Crowder through the unruly mob of humanity.

Suddenly, the picture goes black.

ONE HOUR LATER-HACK’S RUSTY NAIL SALOON PARKING LOT. McAvay pulls into the parking lot full of flashing red and blue lights and plenty of police.

Ray McAvay: Uh oh.

McGill sees it too and she gets a sinking feeling in her stomach.

Dawn McGill: Oh my God.

One of the policemen walks up to the car. McAvay tells the officer Dawn McGill is the owner of PCW. He motions to them to park the car away from the building.

After Ray parks the car, he and Dawn walk towards Hack’s they begin to see the full scope of damage. Broken windows. Glass all over the place. Chairs, tables broken in the parking lot.

Dawn McGill: Oh no.

They reach the entrance and look inside.

Ray McAvay: Oh man. They trashed the place.

Tables and chair strewn all over. The wrestling ring destroyed. Broken light fixtures. Glass all over the floor. Beer and alcohol all over the floor.

Dawn McGill: Oh no, no, no.

The owner of the bar meets her in the foyer.

Hack’s Owner: Like other small businesses we were in trouble to begin with thanks to COVID, I can’t survive this.

Dawn McGill: I am so sorry.

Hack’s Owner: You work hard. Do the right things. Make the right choices. And this happens. I’m having the place razed and closing it down.

He just shakes his head at Dawn. He hands her a torn up contract, and walks on.

McGill peers down at the remnants of the document in her hands.

Then it gets really worse.

She sees the Coke Brothers (David and Charles), George Moros, and… Big Tech’s Jack Buckenberg- CEO of Facetwitogram?

George Moros: Well, well, well. Aren’t you a sight?

Moros refers to Dawn’s disheveled appearance. McGill’s face turns beet red.

Dawn McGill: You know damn well what happened. Your goons kidnapped and held me hostage for two months.

George Moros: Really? All I saw on video was you running out on the show at Extreme Election Night? Do you have any proof of this or is this just another wild, baseless accusation?

Dawn goes to leap at Moros but McAvay stops her.

Moros has a sick grin on his face.

George Moros: It’s over, Dawn. You’re through. I’ve already spoken to the American Patriots and Progressive Alliance and we’ve got everyone on board. We’re partnering with our new best friend Jack Buckenberg for a new political wrestling show that will be headed by someone you know and love.

Out of the smoke and rubble of the interior of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon walks the ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann- McGill and PCW’s long-time nemesis.

Ray McAvay: Son of a bitch.

Dawn McGill: Balls. Not him. Anyone but him.

McMann goes up to McGill. He smiles.

Mr. McMann: Wow. You’ve really let yourself go, haven’t you.

Again, McGill starts to make an aggressive move forward. Again, McAvay pulls her back.

Mr. McMann: It took sixteen years Dawn, but I’ve finally won. Game over.

Then Buckenberg delivers the coup de grace.

Jack Buckenberg: Consider yourself deplatformed.

A few minutes later…

McGill, McAvay, and ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave watch Mr. McMann- backed by The Coke Brothers and George Moros- give an impromptu press conference attended by The Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves: Colleen Crowder-New York Times, Sharon Johns-CNN, Bill Smithers-Fox News, Hallie Reed-MSNBC, and Dan Miller-Washington Post.

Johnny Suave: Well? Who’da thunk that the writer of the movie ‘The Running Man’ may have had a pretty good vision what the future transformation of politics, society, and culture had in store for us?

A dejected McGill notes the enthusiastic applause coming from the Guild of Low Level Media people to McMann’s remarks.

Dawn McGill: So this is how liberty dies… with thunderous applause.

[‘Trumpet Concerto No. 2 in D major – 3 Allegro assai’ begins to play in the background and P-SPAN quickly cuts away to another political event.]

THE END…

0 notes

pcwpolwrestling · 6 years ago

Text

It's Monday Night R-...er...PCW Extreme Political TV

THIS WEEK ON EXTREME POLITICAL TV -Nicholas Tarkowski returns for another visit and discovers the wonders of the marketplace of ideas. -The Bi-Partisan Dream Team (RINO-The Wonk Machine and Blue Dog D) and the new Weapons of Mass Destruction (N-Bomb and F-Bomb) debut. -Women’s Champion of the Political Universe Christa Carmondy stops in. -PCW Women’s Champion Yosemite Samantha vents about her trip to the Blue Brand Show. -PCW Title Match: ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism © defends the belt against ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott

================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

EARLIER TONIGHT PCW owner Dawn McGill exits her car on the 4th Avenue side of the Jamestown Civic Center.

Who’s waiting for her? One Nicholas Tarkowski. Nicholas who, you may ask?

REPLAY: Intro Nicholas Tarkowski

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Hi, I’m Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I’m sure you know who I am.

A fresh faced young man, probably just out of college, dressed in a nice suit smiles as he approaches her.

Some Guy: I certainly do!

He shakes her hand.

Some Guy: I’m Nicholas Tarkowski. Mr. Nadler’s office sent me here to oversight the PCW show. Who should I talk to?

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Her name is Dawn McGill. She’s inside.

Dawn McGill: You came back.

Tarkowski tells her that he was ‘severely reprimanded’ by Mr. Nadler for not finding any dirt on PCW last week.

Nicholas Tarkowski: Mr. Nadler told me not to come back to Washington D.C. until I found something on you.

Dawn McGill: Well. Come on. Let’s see what we can find.

McGill and Tarkowski head for one of the entrances into the arena. Tarkowski suddenly stops when he sees two rabid groups on each side shouting and yelling nasty, hateful invectives towards each other.

McGill leads Tarkowski on and both walk right down the middle of the competing voices.

On the left, a fundamentalist group headed up by Professor McCarthy and his Flock. The Green World Order (GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA) are there. So are the Young Jerks (Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and their foul mouthed valet Anna), Codee Pink, and Emily S. List. They vow to ‘shout down’ the other side.

On the right, it’s the God Squad heading up their fundamentalist groups. Reverend Oral Hinnrich, Reverend Buddy Flambe, and Sister Mary Marlboro lead the brigade. They shout back ‘YOU’RE ALL GOING TO HELL!’

The left responds in kind. Even Tarkowski gets into the shouting match with the right wing fundamentalists.

Nicholas Tarkowski (shouting): OH YEAH?!

McGill rolls her eyes.

Dawn McGill: Whoa-whoa…turn it down a bit little camper.

McGill convinces him to ignore the verbal bombs being lobbed back and forth between the two groups and enter the building.

Once inside the building, Tarkowski stops and his eyes widen.

Nicholas Tarkowski (incredulously): What…what is this?

Inside the arena, Tarkowski is amazed to see what appears to be a giant bazaar. It’s crowded with PCW fans circulating in the room visiting and talking with PCW wrestlers representing all views and sides in booths.

McGill explains that here, people don’t try to shout other people down. They don’t try to ‘destroy’ other people because they espouse views they vehemently disagree with. They talk. They take pictures with their favorite PCW personalities. They freely exchange views.

Nicholas Tarkowski: I don’t understand this.

Dawn McGill: It’s what we call…a marketplace of ideas. It’s the way it should be. People from different cultures with different viewpoints coming together and being able to talk to one another. That’s not the way it is at the Red Brand and Blue Brand shows.

Tarkowski takes a step forward…and fearfully hesitates.

Nicholas Tarkowski: I’m scared, Ms. McGill.

Dawn McGill: It’s Miss McGill…or Dawn. Just take my hand little padawan…

Tarkowski nervously clasps hands with Dawn.

Dawn McGill: … and we’ll walk this gauntlet together. It’s going to be okay, I promise.

Nicholas Tarkowski: Okay…(pause)…what’s a padawan?

Dawn McGill: Never mind.

McGill leads Tarkowski through the area. He glances at the various displays with wonder.

Nicholas Tarkowski: I never saw anything like this back in college.

Dawn McGill: Yeah…I know. Many colleges don’t promote this kind of free form exchange of ideas these days. Ahh…here we are.

They arrive at Champion of the Political Universe Ray McAvay’s booth.

McAvay is signing autographs and posing for pictures. Next to him? A hot tub. Inside the hot tub? Dark and Stormy- West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends and McAvay’s valets- both sporting the latest official PCW Ray McAvay ‘Show Up…Punch In…Shut Up…Get to Work’ baseball jerseys. The ladies pose for pictures with the PCW fans.

And there’s a long line of people waiting.

Dawn McGill: Okay. Here’s where I leave you off.

Nicholas Tarkowski: Wait! Mr. Nadler said I had to-

Dawn McGill: Patience, Nicholas…everything will be okay.

Nicholas Tarkowski: But…

Dawn McGill: Ray will take good care of you.

==============================

PCW Extreme Political TV on P-SPAN Monday March 18th, 2019 Jamestown Civic Center Jamestown, ND

Announcer: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave ==============================

The camera pans all over the Jamestown Civic Center as PCW is on the air!

Spotlights move back and forth through the crowd.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

Cut to ringside where ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave stands at the broadcast table next to Colleen Crowder.

Johnny Suave: Hello everyone! Welcome to Political Championship Wrestling on our new night! Monday night!

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

Johnny Suave: I am Johnny Suave. Tonight we are broadcasting tonight from the Jamestown Civic Center in Jamestown, North Dakota for an exciting evening of political wrestling!

Colleen Crowder’s voice: HOLD ON! HOLD ON!

‘‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder arrives at the broadcast desk and sits down.

Johnny Suave: I thought you were boycotting tonight.

Colleen Crowder: I was going to. But then I realized that only one side of the argument would be presented on the show. So in the interest of fair play, I decided to be here to present the other view.

Johnny Suave: Colleen, I actually agree with you.

Colleen Crowder: The correct view, of course.

Johnny Suave: And now we’re back to normal.

Suave notes that Loose Cannons Unleased from the D.C. Armory is just three weeks away and the PCW, PCW Women’s Title, and PCW Tag Team titles will all be on the line after Women’s Champion Yosemite Samantha lost to Progressive Alliance’s ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan last night.

Carrigan now earns a title shot against the Women’s Champion of the Political Universe Christa Carmondy (American Patriots).

Johnny Suave: But tonight, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott faces PCW Champion ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism for the PCW title in our main event.

Colleen Crowder: Johnny, I don’t care. Kevin Scott shouldn’t be wrestling in this match anyways. What we really should be talking about is the blatant coercion and abuse of power being exerted by Dawn McGill right in front of our eyes.

Suave wonders what the hell she is talking about now.

Colleen Crowder: The fact that the prominent and important Executive Committee member Jerrold Nadler sent one of his aides here to oversee PCW and investigate Dawn McGill…and McGill is attempting to brainwash poor Nicholas Tarkowski by using two hookers in a hot tub to expose him to this ‘free market of ideas’ crap.

Suave points out Dark and Stormy are adult entertainers, not hooker.

Colleen Crowder: Whatever. McGill shouldn’t exposing the kid to this.

Johnny Suave: Adult Entertainers?

Colleen Crowder: Free market of ideas!

Johnny Suave: Why?

Colleen Crowder: It’s dangerous. It’s fake.

Johnny Suave: No it’s not. It upsets your narrat-

Colleen Crowder: Save it. I’ve told you before. We are the ones who determine the narrative. We are the ones who determine what’s newsworthy and important for people to see. We are the ones who set the national agenda. That’s OUR job. Not this free marketplace of ideas.

Suave upsets Crowder more when he points out that Tarkowski is now sitting in the Les Miserables section of the arena with the Champion of the Political Universe ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay.

Colleen Crowder (alarmed): What?

Cut to the Les Miserables section.

Tarkowski is talking to General DeBauchery who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously.

Gen. DeBauchery: You probably heard we ain’t in the take no prisoner-takin’ business like usual wrasslers; we in the killin’ brewskis business…

General DeBauchery takes a bottle of beer and chugs it down.

Gen. DeBauchery: And cousin, Business is a-boomin.

Tarkowski raises his glass. Hesitates. And chugs his beer down.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder. Crowder is stunned.

Colleen Crowder: This is wrong. Just wrong.

Crowder gets her phone out.

Johnny Suave: Before you make your phone call to Jerry Nadler, let me give you more reason to be upset and let’s replay Yosemite Samantha’s win last week over ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot to win the PCW Women’s title.

Colleen Crowder: I hate you.

REPLAY: Last Week’s PCW Women’s Title Match- Yosemite Samantha vs. Lani Harlot

Yosemite Samantha on the top rope. She flies. Harlot ducks and YS clocks Jaxson from the White Trash Posses with a double ax handle to the head. Jaxson is knocked out and falls to the mat. Harlot spins Yosemite Samantha around. Small package roll up by Samantha! Cover. One. Two. Three.

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall right in the ring for the announcement.

WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Yosemite Samantha @ 16:29 (7:00 for TV)

Johnny Suave: Un-freakin’ believable. Yosemite Samantha outlasts the ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot and she is your new PCW Women’s Champion!

Suave then really upsets Crowder even more by announcing that new PCW Women’s Champion Yosemite Samantha is going to be here tonight as well.

Colleen Crowder: Johnny, I’m sorry. She’s a joke. She’s a terrible role model for today’s modern woman. There has to be thousands of good, progressive female wrestlers out there who deserve to be the PCW Women’s champion and this is the one who ends up becoming the first champion?

Suave then talks about Jack Fraiser’s win over SNAFU last week to win the PCW Television Title.

REPLAY: Last Week’s PCW Television Title Match- Fraiser vs. SNAFU

Lift…a fourth German Suplex to SNAFU. Fraiser for the title…one…two…th-NO! Fraiser can’t believe it. Blaire can’t believe it. Somewhere deep down, even SNAFU probably can’t believe it. Blaire pulls out a table and tosses it into the ring while Fraiser pulls SNAFU up and leans him in the corner. Fraiser sets the table up against SNAFU and retreats to the opposite corner. He takes off and sprints across and whams into the table at full speed driving it into SNAFU.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! CANADIAN NATIONAL RAILAWAY!

Fraiser avoids the table as it falls backward. SNAFU takes a step and pitches down to the mat. Fraiser covers. One…two…THREE!

*DING-DING-DING*

Johnny Suave: JACK FRAISER IS THE NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION!

Colleen Crowder: Good. He won. Now he can stop whining about the GWO costing him a title opportunity.

Suave quickly reviews tonight’s show: -The Bi-Partisan Dream Team (Blue Dog D and RINO-The Wonk Machine) and Weapons of Mass Destruction II (Frank Bomb and Newt Tron Bomb) debut. -MAIN EVENT/PCW TITLE MATCH: Stone Chism © vs. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott

Johnny Suave: We’ll be right back after this.

========================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

JETFUEL EXTREME DO IT YOURSELF TAX COMMERCIAL [SCENE: the back yard.

A man holds a garden hose in his right hand and is filling up his above ground pool with water. In his other hand, he holds his cell phone and looks down at it- seemingly confused and perplexed.]

Announcer: This is Tim. He thinks you have to be a mastermind to figure out how to do his own taxes.

[A large brown wooden fence encloses the yard. The right wooden gate opens up and Ray McAvay’s manager, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, enters Tim’s back yard. (GRAPHIC: “’No Frills’ Chris Escondido, professional wrestler manager)]

Announcer: So we flew in pro wrestling mastermind ‘No Frill’s’ Chris Escondido to help him.

[Escondido peers over Tim’s shoulder to look at his cell phone.]

Escondido: Dude. What does it say there?

[Close up of Tim’s phone. ‘Did you buy a home?’ Press here.]

Tim: It says…did you buy a home?

Escondido: Did you buy a home?

Tim: Ummm…

[Out of nowhere, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay runs in and whacks Tim in the back with a Singapore cane.]

Tim: YES! YES! I BOUGHT A HOUSE!

Escondido: Then I’d press there.

Tim: There?

*WHACK*

Tim: AARGGHH! THERE! OKAY, OKAY…I’M PRESSING THE BUTTON!

[Tim, in immense pain and anguish, presses the button. The display turns to a green check mark to indicate that he was successful and a message appears that reads: ‘Congrats, you get a big tax break…and a trip to the emergency room.]

Tim: Huh?

*THWACK*

Tim: AAARGHHHHH!

[Escondido nods down at Tim who’s fallen to his knees in excruciating pain.]

Escondido: Okay then.

[He then turns and walks away.]

Tim: Thanks.

[Graphic on screen: ‘It doesn’t take a f@#$ing genius to do your taxes.’ Tim looks down at his phone and winces in pain from the Singapore caneshots.]

Announcer: Jetfuel Extreme Do It Yourself Tax. Taxes done to the extreme.

*THWACK*

Tim’s voice: ARGGHHHH! OKAY! STOP! PLEASE!

========================

PCW ON THE ROAD March 22nd – Silverstein Eye Centers Arena / Independence, MO March 23rd – Qwest Center Omaha / Omaha, NE March 24th – Sanford Pentagon / Sioux Falls, SD March 30th – Taft Coliseum / Columbus, OH March 31st – Mayo Civic Center / Rochester, MN April 6th – Loose Cannons Unleashed PPV @ the D.C. Armory / Washington, D.C. April 12th – Buccaneer Arena / Urbandale, IA April 13th – McLeod Center / Cedar Rapids, IA April 14th – McElroy Auditorium / Waterloo, IA April 19th – Owensboro Sportscenter / Owensburo, KY April 20th – SIU Arena / Carbondale, IL April 21st – Gibson Arena / Rolla, MO

========================

BACKSTAGE PCW Backstage interviewer Paige McGillicutty has the Bi-Partisan Dream Team (RINO-The Wonk Machine and Blue Dog D) with her.

The first question Paige asks is why they have returned to PCW.

RINO: We want balance, Paige. We all know that we’ll never completely agree on everything. But we believe that deep down, people on both sides agree on more than what they believe they do.

Blue Dog D: Paige, both sides seem to have allowed a more extreme element to take over. It seems like everyone is screaming at each other and you can’t get any discussion going because there’s way too much noise being made.

RINO: We’re not asking for Kumbaya here.

Blue Dog D: But we do believe that we all need to start listening to each other a little more.

RINO: So tonight when we take on Weapons of Mass Destruction, we’re going to show that people with differing views from the left and right…

Blue Dog D: …can still work together for a common cause.

RINO and Blue Dog D head for the ring.

Paige McGillicutty: That’s the Bi-Partisan Dream Team. Johnny? Back to you.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder at the broadcast desk.

Colleen Crowder: They’re naive. You have to choose sides. And more so, you have to choose the right side. In fact, we tell you what side you should side with in the narratives we present to you.

Johnny Suave: Yeah, I don’t need your narratives. I can think for myself.

Colleen Crowder: That’s your opinion Johnny and you would be wrong.

Johnny Suave: If that’s the case then it’s my right to be wrong. Now, let’s mention the Bi-Partisan Dream Team’s opponents here tonight- Weapons of Mass Destruction II. Newt Tron Bomb and Frank Bomb debuted two weeks ago on Extreme Political TV and made a big stink. Literally.

REPLAY: 3/3/2019 Extreme Political TV

People in the front rows frantically put gas masks over their faces.

Frank Bomb and Ensen DeAirey-Bomb put on gas masks.

Colleen Crowder: Okay, why is everyone putting gas masks on?

Johnny Suave: Think Halitosis’s breath with a larger blast radius.

Colleen Crowder: Huh? What?

Too late. Suddenly, Professor McCarthy clutches his throat and tries to cover his nose.

Johnny Suave: SILENT BUT DEADLY! SILENT BUT DEADLY! (out of the side of his mouth) Oh…geez. What the hell did he eat earlier?

Colleen Crowder (she gets what’s happening): Son of a b-ohhhhhhh……..(THUMP)

McCarthy, AOC, PeaceNick, Peta- all down and out.

Several people in close proximity to the ring not wearing gas masks- down and out.

Colleen Crowder- out.

…

Newt then gets on the microphone. N-Bomb says they’ve been sent to PCW for a purpose.

Newt Tron Bomb: Last week, Dawn McGill cost our brothers a match. We are here for payback for the best tag team that’s ever graced a PCW ring. We are also here to make sure that the Advocates of the American Military Complex continue to have a strong presence in PCW.

N-Bomb warns the Island of Misfit Wrestlers…Rah and Halitosis…their days as PCW Tag Team champions are limited.

N-Bomb drops the mic and WMD head to the back.

Johnny Suave: It’s a double in-ring debut and it’s coming up NOW!

MATCH #1- Weapons of Mass Destruction: Frank Bomb and Newt Tron Bomb vs. The Bi-Partisan Dream Team: RINO-The Wonk Machine and Blue Dog D Ring announcer Kimber Marshall is inside the square circle.

*‘Let’s Work Together’- Canned Heat*

The Bi-Partisan Dream Team RINO-The Wonk Machine HT: 6′ 0″ WT: 275, HOME: Detroit, MI FIN: Spear! Blue Dog D HT: 6’ 0” WT: 195 / HOME: Chattanooga, TN FIN: Blue Bayou

Rino and Blue Dog D shake hands on the stage. They walk down towards the ring together.

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents…

*“Hit Me Like a Bomb”- Third Day*

Ensen DeAirey-Bomb comes out first pulling a wagon containing the wooden statue of General Patton. Then N-Bomb and F-Bomb follow.

Kimber Marshall: …they are Advocates of the American Military Complex…

Weapons of Mass Destruction II MGR: Ensen DeAirey-Bomb aka…I-Bomb HT: 5’ 6” WT: 112 / HOME: Alamogordo, NM Newt Tron Bomb…N-Bomb HT: 5’ 11” WT: 190 / HOME: Alamogordo, NM FIN: Silent, But Deadly Frank Bomb aka…F-Bomb HT: 6’ 2” WT: 200 / HOME: Alamogordo, NM FIN: F Bomb SUBGROUP: General George S. Patton (Deceased)

Ensen pulls the wagon with General Patton inside towards the ring. N-Bomb and F-Bomb follow.

Johnny Suave: Well? This incarnation of Weapons of Mass Destruction isn’t nearly as explosive as A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb was. But, they still pack a punch…and a stench.

Colleen Crowder: Okay. If I had to support anyone, it would be the Bi-Partisan Dream Team…even though the idea they are presenting is tragically and naively wrong.

*DING-DING*

F-Bomb starts against Blue Dog D. Fans on both sides of the aisle are already choosing their favorites. Both men circle and Collar and elbow tie up. Not much between them in strength. Blue Dog D gets F-Bomb to the ropes and there’s a break. F-Bomb comes right at his opponent. Facelock by F-Bomb. Then clubbing forearms. Blue Dog D fires back with his own forearms and whips F-Bomb into the ropes. Arm-drag takedown by Blue Dog D. F-Bomb hits his own arm-drag. Armbar by F-Bomb but Blue Dog D slips out and tags RINO in. The Wonk Machine sizes up F-Bomb. F-Bomb decides to bring in N-Bomb.

Johnny Suave: I think you will see the Bi-Partisan Dream Team rely on teamwork more than WMD. WMD will be the more combustible group.

Colleen Crowder: Again, even though the team is united by a false and naïve premise, I lean towards the Bi-Partisan Dream Team to come out ahead in this match.

N-Bomb and RINO circle. RINO uses his superior size and strength to kick and club N-Bomb into the ropes. RINO goes to send N-Bomb for the ride…N-Bomb reverses and telegraphs a back body drop. RINO boots him in the gut. Snapmare to dropkick drives N-Bomb down to the mat. Cover…one…two…N-Bomb kicks out. N-Bomb tags F-Bomb back in. Now both men circle. Tie up and RINO fires forearms. Spinebuster by RINO and cover. One…two…F-Bomb kicks out. RINO whips…F-Bomb reverses and sends RINO running the ropes and N-Bomb trips him up. F-Bombs goes to drop an F-Bomb but RINO pushes him away. RINO whips F-Bomb corner to corner. F-Bomb reverses but runs smack into RINO’s elbow. Blue Dog D hops on the top turnbuckle and springboards. F-Bomb gets clear. Blue Dog D lands on his feet and runs into a N-Bomb clothesline. They brawl out of the ring. RINO looks to tag out but Blue Dog D is not at home. F-Bomb then attacks- F-Bomb to RINO and immediate cover…one…two…power out by RINO.

Johnny Suave: And here’s where RINO and Blue Dog D aren’t on the same page. Blue Dog D tried to help him out but in doing so, he’s out of position when RINO- who’s clearly tiring- needs to tag out.

Colleen Crowder: This is mildly entertaining. Not as entertaining or relevant as the Blue Brand show…but entertaining.

Johnny Suave: You’re going to be really pissed if Yosemite Samantha ends up winning the Women’s Title of the Political Universe.

Colleen Crowder: I will leave the country if that actually happens.

Johnny Suave: If that happens, I have what you just said on tape.

RINO finally tags out and it’s Blue Dog D back in. N-Bomb back in for F-Bomb. Blue Dog D gets the jump with kicks and a drop toehold. He drop elbows on N-Bomb. Blue Dog D connects with a dropkick. Cover…one…two…N-Bomb gets the shoulder up. Blue Dog D drags N-Bomb up. Body shots. N-Bomb whipped into the corner. He walks out and into a dropkick. Blue Dog D covers…one…N-Bomb kicks out. Blue Dog D goes to whips N-Bomb again…this time, N-Bomb blocks and tries to go around him. Blue Dog D blocks. They go around and around, and it’s N-Bomb who finally succeeds. Package roll up. One…two…Blue Dog D kicks out. N-Bomb turns and sticks his butt in his face. Blue Dog D uses both feet to push N-Bomb across the ring.

Colleen Crowder: Dammit, I was about to dive under the table.

Johnny Suave: N-Bomb was going to try to hit his finisher- Silent But Deadly but Blue Dog D had it well scouted and pushed him away.

Suave notes it’s commercial break time and the finale of the match will come after these messages.

========================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

PCW RANKINGS

PCW Title Champion: The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism #1 Contender: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott Contenders ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (Les Miserables) ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson (SEC) ‘The Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan

PCW Women’s Title Champion: Yosemite Samantha #1 Contender: ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot Contenders ‘Former Hooter’s Waitress’ C.J. Lewis ‘Queen Cool’ Leah Iris Ninja Kitty

PCW Tag Team Title Champion: Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and Halitosis #1 Contender: The Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson Contenders The Sports Entertainment Coalition: ‘Dastardly’ Dave Miller and ‘Dangerous’ Dan Williams Truckin’ Average Company: Ken Worth-American Trucker and Brad Company Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice

PCW Television Title Champion: Jack Fraiser #1 Contender: SNAFU Contenders Big Oil (Jill Berg Enterprises) Average Joe Ultratron-Five ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’

========================

MATCH (continued) Suave says we are back.

…N-Bomb kicks away at RINO. RINO grabs and spins N-Bomb around. N-Bomb blocks the first belly to back suplex but not the second. N-Bomb lands on his feet though but Blue Dog D pushes N-Bomb into RINO and he atomic drops him. F-Bomb in. He shoves Blue Dog D forward and N-Bomb alertly nails him flush with a mule kick. RINO vertical suplexes F-Bomb. Cover but the referee correctly notes F-Bomb isn’t the legal man in the ring. N-Bomb jumps on RINO’s back and slaps on the sleeper. RENO throws N-Bomb up and over his head but then Ensen DeAiry Bomb (I-Bomb) slips in and low blows RINO. F-Bomb drops an F-Bomb on RINO. Blue Dog D back in and he goes after F-Bomb and I-Bomb. RINO drags himself up to all four. N-Bomb turns and sticks his butt out.

Colleen Crowder: HOLY *BLEEP*! DIVE!

Time suddenly stands still. RINO’s eye widen and then start to water. His arms and legs give out and he collapses to the mat.

Johnny Suave: SILENT BUT DEADLY!

N-Bomb on the cover…one…two…THREE!

*DING-DING-DING*

WINNER: Weapons of Mass Destruction II (Frank Bomb and Newt Tron Bomb) @ 6:10

The Bombs celebrate in the middle of the ring.

Johnny Suave: Frank Bomb and Newt Tron Bomb pick up their first PCW win here on Extreme Political TV. I thought that RINO and Blue Dog D worked together pretty well but clearly, they were not on the same page at critical junctures in the match.

…

Silence.

…

Johnny Suave: Colleen?

Colleen Crowder (from under the table): Is it safe to come out yet?

BACKSTAGE Paige McGillicutty has the challenger in tonight’s PCW Title match- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott.

Paige asks him about the match tonight.

Scott says he knows Chism well. Chism knows Scott well. Chism used to have the intangible advantage over him when he affiliated himself with the Hollywood crowd. Chism had the stroke of big Hollywood behind him and the muscle of the Hollywood crowd backing him to make sure he didn’t fail.

Kevin Scott: He doesn’t have that anymore. And I think I can beat him.

Paige asks about his (Scott’s) legacy.

Scott recalls when he started in PCW in 2007, he was the ‘Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes, wrestling in some high school gyms, wrestling in other smaller venues. In 2008, he won the title by defeating O’Beck Bahama and Halitosis. He held the title until Bahama defeated him at Extreme Election Night 2008 in what at the time was considered the greatest match in PCW history. He remembers that his second run with the PCW belt as Kevin Scott wasn’t as memorable.

Johnny Suave (v/o): Right. Scott defeated Towel Boy to win the title and then lost it just over a month later to Yamamoto Tanaka…who himself would eventually become a four-time PCW Champion.

Kevin Scott: But tonight, a win over the ‘One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism would make me a three-time champion. Not quite the pinnacle. But not bad either.

Paige thanks Scott and sends it back to Suave.

Johnny Suave: All right Paige. About two weeks ago, Christa Carmondy of the American Patriots defeated PCW legend ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin to become the new Women’s Champion of the Political Universe. In three weeks, she faces the Progressive Alliance’s Sheline Carrigan in her first title defense. Tonight she is here and in the ring. Christa?

CHRISTA CARMONDY PROMO Christa Carmondy is in the ring.

Christa Carmondy AGE: 29 /HT: 5′ 9″ WT: 150 / HOME: St. Louis, MO FIN: Mean Girl Crush

Christa Carmondy: Ladies and gentlemen. My name is Christa Carmondy and I am the Women’s Champion of the Political Universe

Christa talks about being so close before she finally won a major title. What was going through her mind on the Red Brand’s Politico is War show?

Christa Carmondy: Honestly? I saw Tessa switch off for that split second and knew what I had to do. It was just a gut reaction on my part. The rest of it is just a blur. All I remember was sitting in that ring and realizing what I’d just done.

Christa notes she’s knocked on that door so many times in the past only to be denied. She says she learned the most from Tessa Martin. Tessa held herself down here in PCW over the years in a way a true champion should hold herself. She took on all comers and never left anything in the ring. One hundred percent effort night in and night out. Take nothing away from Tessa Martin, she is a great wrestler and I wish her the best in her future now that she’s retired.

Christa Carmondy: I want to thank a few people. First, the fans. Second, my older brother Jason Carmondy for never letting me take a shortcut for anything. You never just let me have my way. You made me earn everything and for that, I am greatly appreciative.

Christa raises up the Political Universe Women’s title belt.

Christa Carmondy: I promise you all this. I will do everything in my power to bring honor to this belt. And I will give my best to anyone who steps into the ring with me. Thank you.

The crowd stands and applauds.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Johnny Suave: Christa Carmondy with some positive and uplifting words to the PCW faithful.

Colleen Crowder: It’s just empty rhetoric Johnny. I mean, she thanked her brother? Really? What is she going to do to further the women’s agenda now that she’s the ‘champion?’ She’s with the American Patriots. A better choice for the Women’s Champion of the Political Universe would have been someone from the Progressive Alliance. Someone with a better ear to the women’s movement and their agenda. And hopefully that happens at Loose Cannons Unleashed when ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan relieves Christa of the title.

Johnny Suave: Thank you for reading your narrative. Paige has our PCW Women’s Champion Yosemite Samantha with her backstage.

YOSEMITE SAMANTHA APPEARS TO GIVE HER 2 CENTS Paige has a very agitated PCW Women’s Yosemite Samantha with her now and she’s got a few things to say about the state of the Political Universe’s Women’s division.

Yosemite Samantha is hopping mad about what went down last night at the Blue Brand show. She considers it a clear sign that the Establishment is doing everything possible to screw her, and PCW, out of the Women’s Political Universe title.

REPLAY: Blue Brand House Show- Sacramento, CA Yosemite Samantha vs. ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan

Yosemite Samantha has Carrigan’s shoulder pinned down. But the Blue Brand referee takes an inordinate amount of time to walk over and start the three count. By the time he does, Carrigan has recovered enough to power out.

…

Again, YS has Carrigan pinned. Again, the referee is extremely slow to respond. Again, Carrigan kicks out after receiving ‘extra’ time to regain her bearings.

…

Carrigan hits the Canadian Destroyer on Yosemite Samantha. She covers. The Blue Brand referee literally runs to the spot and quickly does the three count.

…

Post match, Miley Vyrus, ‘Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt, Peta From PETA, Codee Pink, Emily S. List, and the foul mouthed sidekick from the Young Jerks, Anna came out and attacked Yosemite Samantha.

Yosemite Samantha: Do you think I’m going to sit back and let Carrigan cut the line? Hell no! Do you think I’m going to sit back and let the Progressive Alliance get away with attacking me while they refused to allow the Hanson Sisters into their arena? Hell No! No more Ms. Nice Girl. The Establishment brought the army in to prevent her from getting her shot at the Political Universe’s Women’s champion?

Andrea, Melissa, and Charissa Hanson aka…The Hanson Sisters…come out dressed in their retro Charlestown Chief hockey uniforms and armed with hockey sticks.

Yosemite Samantha: I’ve got an army of my own and I ain’t goin’ down without a fight.

Paige wraps up and sends it back to Thunderbolt and Hall.

Johnny Suave: Main Event coming up and it is a PCW Title match! We’ll be back right after this.

========================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

A package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesomely Awesome Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of the picture with a shot of a lake surrounded by trees in the background.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesomely Awesome Beef Jerky presents *BLEEP*-ing with McGill.

Scene: Four college students- two male, two female are enjoying a day at the lake. They’ve just come out of the water and are toweling off.

Boy #1: The water’s great, bro.

Girl #1: It was so fun.”

Boy #2: It was awesome.

They see a figure wander in and it gets everyone’s attention.

It’s Dawn McGill out for a morning run. Dressed in running shorts and a tank top, she stops at the lake’s edge to splash some water on her face.

The four college students watch. A girl with reddish hair snacks on some Skank Mitchell’s Awesomely Awesome Beef Jerky. She suddenly gets an idea and devilishly grins. She looks at the yellow towel on the tall boy standing next to her and gives him the ‘look.’

The boy gets the gist of it and puts his finger to his lips to shush the others. Then he sneaks down and rolls up the wet towel. The other three titter and snicker while waiting in great anticipation as he sneaks up behind Dawn. The boy pauses, sets himself, and snaps her in the rear with the wet towel.

Dawn McGill (laconically): Seriously?

The boy turns back to the others and they all get a big laugh out of it. Well, at least until McGill kicks him in the groin from behind.

Girl #1: Oh?

Then McGill spins him around, puts his head between her legs, lifts, and McGill-Bombs him to the ground.

The other three students look on in shock and McGill stares right at them and simply says…

Dawn McGill: Boo.

*Mass screaming and hysteria*

The three students trip all over themselves trying to run away.

Final scene: a package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesomely Awesome Beef Jerky superimposed over the college student writhing in pain on the ground after being McGill-Bombed.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesomely Awesome Beef Jerky. Feed your irrationally foolish side.

========================

Cut back to Suave and Crowder at the broadcast desk.

Johnny Suave: We are just minutes away from our main event. But-…hold on.

Suave announces there’s a bit of a disturbance in the Les Miserables section.

Colleen Crowder: Well of course there is. Think about who’s sitting there?

Johnny Suave: The last time I checked, Nicholas Tarkowski was also sitting there.

Colleen Crowder: Oh.

Then she gets it.

Colleen Crowder: OHHHHHHHH!

Colleen pulls her phone out and frantically dials.

LES MISERABLES VS. THE COUNTRY CLUB SET The American Patriots/Never Trumpers/country club set (Bill Kristol. Charlie Sykes. Jonah Goldberg. David French. Tom Nichols. David Reaboi. Jennifer Rubin. David Brooks. Mitt Romney (UT-American Patriots)) are seated next to the Les Miserables section again sipping their cognac and looking down at their neighbors.

PCW owner Dawn McGill is engaged what appears to be a relatively heated conversation with Bill Kristol.

Bill Kristol: These ‘deplorable people’ do not belong in these seats. Do you see people like them (points to ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and the others sitting in the front row) sitting in the best seats at sporting events? Hell no. It’s bad enough that these people are responsible for Donald Trump becoming the CEO of the Political Universe. But the fact you keep catering to his mob is…well…deplorable.

McGill wants to know what the problem is tonight.

Bill Kristol: These ‘people’ simply do not belong.

He points over to the Les Miserables.

Dawn McGill: Besides that.

Conservative Inc.’s Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins walks in.

Elkins complains about the lack of special dispensation for VIPs. He tells McGill she needs to stop pandering to people who don’t deserve to be treated like VIPs and to learn how properly take care of the needs of her affluent clientele.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: Let me explain it to you in words even you can actually understand.

McGill’s hands ball up.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: These rubes over there are bad for business. Sure, the American Patriots want their support and things are good when the masses stay in their lane, march in step with us, and deliver us the support we need but otherwise keep out of the way of our agenda. We were perfectly happy with “moral victories” against the Progressive Alliance because it, for a long time, presented the illusion that we were actually “fighting” back. But as long as my brokerage account has over $200 million in it, I’m good. And so is Conservative Inc.

Elkins leers at McGill.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: So darling, how about you go make those changes and while you’re at it bring me back a beer sweetheart.

Dawn stares over her ‘imaginary glasses’ at Elkins. The crowd revs up.

Johnny Suave (v/o): Whoa.

McGill spreads her arms and eggs the crowd on.

Crowd: DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU (clap…clap…clap-clap-clap)

Colleen Crowder (v/o): Okay. I’m never on Dawn McGill’s side. But I’d be okay if she killed him.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: Well? Where’s my….

McGill decides not to kill him.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: …YYYYYYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! TESTICULAR CLAW!

Instead, McGill decides to kill his testicles by squeezing the holy hell out of them. Elkins does the whole exaggerated ‘pee-pee’ dance with his legs high stepping back and forth.

Elkins’s face turns red. Then blue.

McGill rears back and pops him with a right hand that sends Elkins tumbling down to the floor.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Johnny Suave: Actually, what probably pisses them off most is how they’ve been exposed the frauds they are. Their phony-baloney livelihoods, built always on the foundation of lies and deceit, are now in actual jeopardy. This was not supposed to happen. They’re pissed off at Trump because he’s doing exactly what he said he was going to do.

Colleen Crowder: That’s the problem. PCW would be a lot better if everyone simply followed our narratives and thought the same way we did.

Suave takes a deep breath.

Johnny Suave: Kimber Marshall? Let’s get this main event under way.

MAIN EVENT/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism © vs. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott Kimber is in the middle of the ring.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen! Our main event tonight is a one fall…

Crowd: ONE fall!

Kimber Marshall: …and it is for the PCW Title! Introducing the challenger…

*’Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue”- Toby Keith*

‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott – former 2 time PCW Champion and PCW Television Champion (as Starz N. Stripes). PCW’s Original ‘Rookie Sensation.’ HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 250, HOME: Ottumwa, IA FIN: American Stars and Fujiawa Arm Bar

Scott comes out in his red, white, and blue trunks.

Kimber Marshall: And his opponent…he is the PCW Champion!

*‘No Smoke Without a Fire’ – Bad Company*

‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism –2 time PCW Champion and 2 time PCW Television Champion HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 225 / HOME: Hollywood, CA FIN: Anti-Hollywood Blockbuster

Chism comes out with the PCW title slung over his shoulder.

Johnny Suave: Kevin Scott. Stone Chism. PCW Title. This is going to be a good one.

Colleen Crowder: Sorry. I have a call I have to take.

*DING-DING*

1st MINUTE Scott and Chism quickly tie up and jockey for position. Scott pushes Chism to ropes. Chism pushes back but Scott grabs him to put on the ropes. Chism backs off but lets fly a right. Scott ducks the sucker punch and takes a headlock. Chism pulls hair to power out. Scott and Chism collide but neither falls. Chism taunts Scott and goads him into trying again. Scott falls for it. Both men collide again. Both men do not fall.

2nd MINUTE Scott chops Chism. A second chop. Whip into the ropes. Chism dodges on the return and speeds up to run Scott over! Scott back up. Chism dropkicks Scott back down! Scott bails.

Johnny Suave: Stone Chism gets the better of that exchange. Kevin Scott decides to take a break.

Scott walks around the corner and climbs up on the ring apron. He slides back in but gets another dropkick. Chism slingshots off the ropes and takes Scott down.

Johnny Suave: Chism for the win!

3rd MINUTE Cover…one…two…Scott gets the shoulder up. Fans cheer Chism as he drags Scott up. Chism whips Scott hard into the corner turnbuckle. Chism throws haymakers. Boot to the gut. Chism ducks under a wild right. Chism steps in…wraps his arms around Scott…and belly to belly suplexes him. Chism goes to pull Scott back up.

Deep State Deep State 1 HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 246 / HOME: Washington, D.C. FIN: Deep Valley Driver Deep State 2 HT: 6′ 3 WT: 266 / HOME: Washington, D.C. FIN: Deep Valley Driver SUB GROUP: The Antifa

Green World Order Valet: Peta from PETA HT: 5’ 8” WT: 123 / HOME: Los Angeles, CA GreenPete HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 195 / HOME: Los Angeles, CA FIN: Harpoon (modified spear or gore) ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 192 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: The Juicer PeaceNick– HT: 5′ 10″ WT: 180 / HOME: Bremerton, WA FIN: Choroform SUBGROUP: Union Jack Taylor, NPC, Ultimate Social Justice Warrior, Codee Pink, and Emily S. List

The Young Jerks MGR: Anna- the foul-mouthed sidekick Zenk Cryger HT: 5’ 11” WT: 270 / HOME: Los Angeles, CA James Idahola HT: 6’ 0” WT: 200 / HOME: San Francisco, CA

Johnny Suave: IT’S PROFESSOR McCARTHY AND HIS FLOCK!

Deep State 1 and 2 hit a double-team Deep Valley Driver on Chism.

GreenPete holds Scott up. ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee hits his finisher ‘The Juicer’ on the American Citizen.

The GWO lays the boots to Scott. The Deep State and the Antifa do the same to Chism.

Johnny Suave: It’s a fourteen on two beatdown on Chism and Scott!

The crowd roars.

Johnny Suave: AND THE ODDS ARE ABOUT TO GET A LITTLE MORE EVEN!

The run-ins begin. First…

The Island of Misfit Wrestlers MGR: Regina McGill AGE: 29 / HT: 5′ 7″ WT: 136 / HOME: Kalamazoo, MI FIN: Pepsi Plunge ‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis HT: 5’8, WT: 170 / HOME: Chattanooga, TN FIN: Breath of Death Rah!: The Sunshine God – motivational speaker by day. Pseudo deity complete with eclectic entourage by night. HT: 6’-8” WT: 295 / HOME: San Diego, CA / FIN: Eye of RAHHHHHHH! (Jackknife Powerbomb) Rah’s Followers: Happy Mango, Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy, The BeachBronze Suntan Bikini Girls

Johnny Suave: IT’S RAH AND HALITOSIS!

The PCW Tag Team Champions race down to the ring. Next down…

Jack Fraiser HT: 6”3” WT: 205 / HOME: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan FIN: Canadian National Railaway Valet: ‘Oootlander Blaire Rendell

Johnny Suave: AND JACK FRAISER!

Next…

Les Miserables MGR: Bert the Janitor ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay HT: 6’ 3” WT: 215 HOME: Fort Stockton, TX / FIN: McGill Bomb MUSIC: ‘Do You Hear the People Sing?’- Les Miserables Valets: West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy William Daniels Bryan– ‘The Prairie Populist’ -3 time PCW Champion. Former PCW Television Champion HT: 5’10″ WT: 180, HOME: Platte, Nebraska / FIN: Cattle Mutilation/Crane Kick SUBGROUP: General DeBauchery, Al Cahall, Nic Koteen

Johnny Suave: AND RAY McAVAY AND WILLIAM DANIELS BRYAN! AND YOU KNOW WDB WANTS TO GET HIS HANDS ON THE ANTIFA AND THE DEEP STATE WHO BROKE HIS LEG IN OCTOBER.

Bryan begins to Crane Kick every member of Professor McCarthy’s Flock in sight.

Johnny Suave: THAT’S ALL FOR THIS WEEK. WE WILL SEE YOU NEXT TIME!

[‘Trumpet Concerto No. 2 in D major – 3 Allegro assai’ begins to play in the background and P-SPAN quickly cuts away to another political event.]

0 notes

pcwpolwrestling · 6 years ago

Text

The Gimmick Infringement Is Bad Edition of PCW Extreme Political TV

THIS WEEK ON EXTREME POLITICAL TV -The fur flies when PCW Owner Dawn McGill bans MSNBC, CNN, Washington Post, New York Times, and the networks for not being in a position to cover PCW in a fair and neutral manner. -Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (NY-Progressive Alliance) stands outside an entrance to the Hartman Arena and puts people’s names down on her ‘list.’ -Jerrold Nadler (NY-Progressive Alliance) sends an intern to oversee PCW. -‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson of the SEC vs. Millennial Mark –PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH: SNAFU w/Coach P.J. Flack vs. Jack Fraiser -PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Yosemite Samantha vs. ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot

================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

OUTSIDE THE ARENA Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (NY-Progressive Alliance) stands outside one of the entrances into the Hartman Arena with a clipboard and pen. She asks people as they enter the arena if they support her. When they say yes, she smiles and thanks them.

When they say no? She writes their name down on the ‘list.’

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Hi, I’m Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I’m sure you know who I am.

A fresh faced young man, probably just out of college, dressed in a nice suit smiles as he approaches her.

Some Guy: I certainly do!

He shakes her hand.

Some Guy: I’m Nicholas Tarkowski. Mr. Nadler’s office sent me here to oversight the PCW show. Who should I talk to?

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Her name is Dawn McGill. She’s inside.

Ocasio-Cortez points to inside the arena.

Nicholas Tarkowski: Okay. Great!

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Just watch it. She’s kind of mean. She keeps all the money for herself and won’t give anyone free groceries.

Nicholas Tarkowski: Oh. Okay!

Tarkowski goes inside. A woman comes out to Ocasio-Cortez next.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Hi, I’m Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I’m sure you know who I am.

Random Woman: Who?

Nervous laughter.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: You know who I am. Everyone know who I am now. Right?

Random woman shrugs. Ocasio-Cortez tries to project a smile.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Do you support me and my views?

The woman puts on a bright red ‘Make American Great Again’ baseball cap. Then she opens up her jacket and reveals a Sarah Palin t-shirt underneath.

Random Woman: Um…probably not.

Ocasio-Cortez’s smiles turns to a stern glare. She scribbles down something on her clipboard.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Well. You just made the list!

Random Woman: Oh. Okay.

Random woman shrugs again and leaves.

==============================

PCW Extreme Political TV on P-SPAN Sunday March 10th, 2019 Hartman Arena Park City, Kansas

Announcer: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave ‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder

==============================

The camera pans all over the Hartman Arena as PCW is on the air!

Fireworks go off. Spotlights move back and forth through the crowd.

Cut to ringside where ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave stands at the broadcast table next to Colleen Crowder.

Johnny Suave: Hello everyone! This is Political Championship Wrestling!

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

Johnny Suave: I am Johnny Suave. She is ‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder. Tonight we are broadcasting tonight from the Hartman Arena in Park City, Kansas with an exciting evening of political wrestling!

Colleen Crowder: It’s good to see Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez outside making people think.

Johnny Suave: I’m not sure accosting people coming to the show to forget about real life for a couple hours makes people think. It might make people think that you’re annoying and over the top.

Colleen Crowder: If you keep that up, you’ll be on the list soon enough.

Johnny Suave: I already am.

Suave reminds everyone that Loose Cannons Unleashed is just three weeks away and the PCW title scene has been turned completely upside down. Why?

-‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott became the number one contender for the PCW title after defeating Jack Fraiser via DQ last week when Professor McCarthy’s Flock attacked him during the match. But debuting on the show last week was a new tag team Weapons of Mass Destruction II (Frank Bomb and Newt Tron Bomb with Ensen DeAirey-Bomb) and they made the save for Scott…

VIDEO: End of Kevin Scott-Jack Fraiser Match

…Newt Tron Bomb then climbs onto the apron and up on the turnbuckle. He turns and faces the crowd. Then he crouches and points his butt towards Professor McCarthy, AOC, PeaceNick, and Peta.

Colleen Crowder: What is he doing?

People in the front rows frantically put gas masks over their faces.

Frank Bomb and Ensen DeAirey-Bomb put on gas masks.

Colleen Crowder: Okay, why is everyone putting gas masks on?

Johnny Suave: Think Halitosis’s breath with a larger blast radius.

Colleen Crowder: Huh? What?

Too late. Suddenly, Professor McCarthy clutches his throat and tries to cover his nose.

Colleen Crowder: That was gross and a complete rip-off. If anything, the referee should have thrown the match completely out and let someone else be the number one contender.

Johnny Suave: That’s not how it’s done. As I was saying, Scott is your new number one contender for the PCW title. The SEC roared back to life with ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson leading the way and he’s gunning for the PCW belt. But the big surprise of the night…

VIDEO: The Big Return of the Night

…Suave is shocked at who he sees.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! HE’S BACK!

William Daniels Bryan– ‘The Prairie Populist’ -3 time PCW Champion. Former PCW Television Champion HT: 5’10″ WT: 180, HOME: Platte, Nebraska FIN: Cattle Mutilation/Crane Kick

On the stage, Bryan looks tanned and rested.

Johnny Suave: That’s former THREE-TIME PCW Champion William Daniels Bryan thank you very much who’s been out since mid-October of 2018. That’s when the Antifa broke his leg at a house show in Rolla, Missouri to put him out of commission.

Colleen Crowder: Oh great…the Prairie Populist is back. Hopefully he’s at least learned his lesson and won’t go around pissing off Professor McCarthy and his Flock any more.

Johnny Suave: Also last week, Jerrold Nogler…

Colleen Crowder: Nadler.

Johnny Suave: …Nobler…

Colleen Crowder: It’s Nadler. Jerrold Nadler, Johnny.

Johnny Suave: Whatever.

-Jerrold Nadler (NY-Progressive Alliance) stopped in to warn PCW Owner Dawn McGill that his oversight committee will hold her and PCW accountable if they don’t allow families to attend shows even if they don’t have tickets. How does McGill respond?

VIDEO: Last week’s Extreme Political TV

McGill drives her spiked heels into Nadler’s…er…nads. He bends over to a ninety degree angle.

…

Dawn takes a side headlock and DDT’s Nadler to the mat.

Colleen Crowder: Complete overreaction…again…by Dawn McGill and a complete lack of respect towards a respected member of the Executive Committee.

Johnny Suave: The lack of respect goes both ways, Colleen.

Suave moves on…Mitch Thomas-American Taxpayer debuts but loses to Andrew ‘The Bureaucrat’ Riley- who was also debuting.

VIDEO: Mitch Thomas w/Harvey Wilson-American Taxpayers vs. Andrew Riley

…Melissa jumps on the ring apron and gets the referee’s attention. Riley reaches into his trunks and discreetly pulls out a foreign object. He walks over to Thomas and flattens him with the loaded right hand.

Riley tosses the foreign object away and pulls Thomas back up. Melissa jumps down. The referee turns in time to see Riley drop Thomas with the Code Red Tape. Cover…One…Two…THREE.

Colleen Crowder: Again, a good bureaucrat knows how to take care of business. That’s what Andrew Riley did.

Johnny Suave: He cheated.

Colleen Crowder: Whatever gets the job done.

Harvey Wilson snatches the foreign object off the floor and shows it to the referee. The referee is unmoved and raises Riley’s arm in victory. So Wilson wraps his fist around the foreign object and pops Riley in the schnozz.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Riley collapses to the mat. Wilson shrugs and drops the foreign object

Colleen Crowder: Again, a total and complete lack of respect shown towards a hard-working public servant.

Johnny Suave: No different than the total and complete lack of respect shown towards the American Taxpayer.

-‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels stops in to vow he’ll never set foot in PCW again…after tonight…as a result of PCW Champion Stone Chism assaulting him the week before.

-McGill makes a big announcement…

VIDEO: Dawn McGill’s Big Announcement

Dawn McGill: I am pleased to announce to all you…the PCW faithful here in Terre Haute, Indiana…that we are bringing back the PCW Television Title and the PCW Women’s Title.

The crowd applauds.

McGill further explains that the Television and Women’s champions will be determined at next weekend’s shows with the finals to be held Sunday March 10th in Park City, Kansas.

Suave quickly runs down tonight’s show.

-The SEC’s ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson makes his PCW debut tonight.

-The PCW Television Champion will be crowned tonight with SNAFU with Coach E.J. Flack facing Jack Fraiser with his Oootlander Blaire Rendell for the TV belt.

-Main Event for the PCW Women’s Title: Yosemite Samantha versus ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot

Johnny Suave: Oh…and Dawn McGill banned the Washington Post, CNN, MSNBC, the New York Times, and all the networks from covering the show tonight.

Crowder’s go super wide and big.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT!

Johnny Suave: We’ll be back right after these messages.

=======================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

JETFUEL EXTREME DO IT YOURSELF TAX COMMERCIAL [SCENE: the back yard.

A man holds a garden hose in his right hand and is filling up his above ground pool with water. In his other hand, he holds his cell phone and looks down at it- seemingly confused and perplexed.]

Announcer: This is Tim. He thinks you have to be a mastermind to figure out how to do his own taxes.

[A large brown wooden fence encloses the yard. The right wooden gate opens up and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, enters Tim’s back yard. (GRAPHIC: “’No Frills’ Chris Escondido, professional wrestling manager)]

Announcer: So we flew in pro wrestling mastermind ‘No Frill’s’ Chris Escondido to help him.

[Escondido peers over Tim’s shoulder to look at his cell phone.]

Chris Escondido: Dude. What does it say there?

[Close up of Tim’s phone. ‘Did you buy a home?’ Press here.]

Tim: It says…did you buy a home?

Chris Escondido: Did you buy a home?

Tim: Ummm…

[Out of nowhere, ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay runs in and whacks Tim in the back with a Singapore cane.]

Tim: YES! YES! I BOUGHT A HOUSE!

Chris Escondido: Then I’d press there.

Tim: There?

*WHACK*

Tim: AARGGHH! THERE! OKAY, OKAY…I’M PRESSING THE BUTTON!

Tim: Huh?

*THWACK*

Tim: AAARGHHHHH!

[Escondido nods down at Tim who’s fallen to his knees in excruciating pain.]

Chris Escondido: Okay then. My work is done here.

[He then turns and walks away.]

[Graphic on screen: ‘It doesn’t take a f@#$ing genius to do your taxes.’ Tim looks down at his phone and winces in pain from the Singapore caneshots.]

Announcer: Jetfuel Extreme Do It Yourself Tax. Taxes done to the extreme.

*THWACK*

Tim’s voice: ARGGHHHH! OKAY! STOP! PLEASE!

=======================

PCW ON THE ROAD March 16th – Jamestown Civic Center / Jamestown, SD March 22nd – Silverstein Eye Centers Arena / Independence, MO March 23rd – Qwest Center Omaha / Omaha, NE March 24th – Sanford Pentagon / Sioux Falls, SD March 30th – Taft Coliseum / Columbus, OH March 31st – Mayo Civic Center / Rochester, MN April 6th – Loose Cannons Unleashed PPV @ the D.C. Armory / Washington, D.C. April 12th – Buccaneer Arena / Urbandale, IA April 13th – McLeod Center / Cedar Rapids, IA April 14th – McElroy Auditorium / Waterloo, IA

========================

DAWN McGILL’S OFFICE The owner of PCW expected Nicholas Tarkowski’s arrival. She didn’t expect him to be a fresh-faced kid just out of college.

Dawn McGill: I’m not sure if I should be surprised or offended.

Nicholas Tarkowski: I was given strict orders by Mr. Nadler to oversee and observe everything that goes on here.

Dawn waves him off.

Dawn McGill: Yeah, yeah. Listen, if you’re going to be backstage then you need to find something to do.

Nicholas Tarkowski: Find something to do. I have something to-

Dawn McGill: Everybody works here. Everyone pitches in.

Tarkowski just stands there, not sure what he’s expected to do. That is, until McGill comes over with a large box containing official PCW Ray McAvay ‘Show Up…Punch In…Shut Up…Get to Work’ baseball jerseys and plops it in his hands.

Dawn McGill: Take this over to Ray McAvay. He’s signing and posing for pictures in the foyer and they’re doing gangbusters business tonight. Just look for the hot tub.

McGill takes off to take care of something else. Tarkowski looks lost.

Cut to Suave and Crowder at the broadcast desk.

WHO’S BANNING WHO? Colleen Crowder (going full indignant): First she bans the Washington Post, CNN, MSNBC, the New York Times, and the networks from covering the show. Then this? What is Dawn McGill trying to hide?

Johnny Suave: Yes. She’s making the poor boy work. Oh the humanity.

Colleen Crowder: That’s not what I mean. You know what I’m talking about.

Suave addresses the fact that the Progressive Alliance/Blue Brand Show have banned Fox News from covering their events because ‘Fox News is not in a position to cover the Progressive Alliance in a fair and neutral manner.’ He says McGill is making a point using the same criteria the Progressive Alliance used towards Fox News to the Washington Post, CNN, MSNBC, the New York Times, and the networks.

Colleen Crowder (Irate): This is unacceptable! This is a chilling affront to the First Amendment! Freedom of speech!

Johnny Suave: But it’s okay to do it to Fox News.

Colleen Crowder: The New Yorker says Fox was colluding with CEO Trump during 2016’s Extreme Election Night.

Johnny Suave: Oh? Just like the time CNN’s Donna Brazile colluded with Hillary Clinton…during Extreme Election Night 2016. Has CNN been banned from the Progressive Alliance/Blue Brand shows and events?

Silence.

Oh…and evil dagger eyes directed at Suave.

MATCH #1 ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson of the SEC vs. Millennial Mark Johnny Suave: Well. We’re about to see the debut of the SEC’s big new signing…in more ways than one…’Redneck’ Bill Dickinson.

Suave sends it to PCW’s ring announcer- Kimber Marshall.

Marshall introduces Millennial Mark- who’s already in the ring with his significant other Snowflake Suzie.

Millennial Mark: HT: 6’-1” WT: 200 / HOME: Beachwood, OH FIN: Parent’s Basement Slam MGR: Snowflake Suzie

He takes a selfie of himself with the PCW crowd behind him in the background. Of course, he doesn’t notice several PCW fans flipping him off as he takes the picture on his cell phone.

Mark rips the microphone away from an annoyed Kimber.

Millennial Mark: You know, I’ve been training for this moment all my life. X-Box has a kick ass WWE wrestling game and I spent countless hours wrestling online. Now, bring on my opponent!

Kimber rips the microphone back.

Kimber Marshall: ANNDDDDD, HIS OPPONENT!

*“White Trash” – Chris Janson*

‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson “The 330 Pound Southern Brawler” AGE: 37 / HT: 6′ 1″ WT:��330 / HOME: Troy, AL FIN: High Crossbody into a Powerbomb

Dickinson walks out with the rest of the new SEC- ‘Dastardly’ Dave Miller, ‘Dangerous’ Dan Williams, ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, and SEC Spokesman Phil Finebaum.

Phil Finebaum: My faction is better than your faction. The SEC is the best of the best. We only recruit five star talent. That’s why Dickinson, Miller, and Williams were brought in. We only bring in the best of the best. That’s why soon, the SEC will control the two biggest belts in PCW.

Suddenly, Millennial Mark doesn’t look so brave.

Crowder is aghast at the man in the ring.

Colleen Crowder: Who…the hell…is that?

Johnny Suave: That’s right. You were unconscious when Mr. McMann revealed the new SEC last week.

REPLAY: End of Last Week’s Show

…out of nowhere, three men hit the ring and blow up Jack from State Barn Insurance.

Confused, Chism stops in his tracks and looks around.

Johnny Suave: What the hell? Who are those three men?

Suave realizes who they’re wrestling for when Phil Finebaum and then ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann come out.

McMann takes the microphone.

Mr. McMann: Ladies and gentlemen of PCW. The house has been swept. New blood has been brought in. Please welcome the new and improved Sports Entertainment Coalition.

Sports Entertainment Coalition ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson “The 330 Pound Southern Brawler” AGE: 37 / HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 330 / HOME: Troy, AL FIN: High Crossbody into a Powerbomb ‘Dastardly’ Dave Miller AGE: 28 / HT: 6’ 0” WT: 240 / HOME: Columbus, GA FIN: Southern Cross ‘Dangerous’ Dan Williams AGE: 42 / HT: 6’ 2” WT: 252 / HOME: Wemberly, TX FIN: Devil’s Triangle (Triangle Choke)

McMann states Dickinson is gunning for the PCW title. Miller and Williams have their eye on the tag belts.

Colleen Crowder: What the hell is Mr. McMann doing? These people are deplorable!

*DING-DING*

Dickinson slowly walks towards the center of the ring. Millennial Mark sticks on foot in the ropes to stall for time. That time runs out as Dickinson walks right over and pulls him into the ring. Right hand decks Mark. The Millennial rolls out of the ring. Dickinson right behind him. Chop by Dickinson sends Mark into the barricade. Dickinson whips him into the barricade. And again…and again. Mark’s busted open and Snowflake Suzie is shouting at Dickinson to stop. The referee has started his count. Dickinson lifts Mark up and drops him chest first onto the barricade.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Snowflake Suzie charges up to ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and shoves what appears to be a script in his face. McMann looks at the script…grabs the script…and rips the script up.

Johnny Suave: I’ll be damned.

Colleen Crowder: What is he doing? He’s going off script.

Note: Why is this a big deal?

VIDEO: PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 9 – May 4th, 2014

While the PWWF announcers mocked Bryan as he rolled out of the ring, he marched over to their desk and wiped off the expensive monitors and other equipment. Then he threw Boles out of his chair, picked it up… *CLANG* … Boles to the ground. Lollar up… *CLANG* …Lollar to the floor. Triple R reached over the top rope to grab Bryan… *CLANG* …he draped himself over the top rope. *CLANG* Triple R slid down and landed face first on the canvas.

Bryan climbed through the ropes and confronted PMC Banks. Banks tried to beg off… *CLANG* …Bryan wasn’t having any of it. He ejected Triple R out of the ring and then rolled Banks out. Blackwell climbed in and handed Bryan a microphone. But before he can say a word…

Mr. McMann: “What the hell is going on here!”

McMann, followed by his executive producer Devin Done and his cue-card carrying lackey, stormed into the ring with PWWF CEO Barack Obama (D-NV), Harry Reid, (D-IL), Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Mitch McConnell (R-KY), and John Boehner (R-OH) and confronts ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan.

Mr. McMann: “You’ve gone completely off the script!”

McMann shook the thick script at Bryan.

Mr. McMann: “This is SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT! Everything is timed out to the second and everything said has to be corporately approved by either myself or Devin Done. You’ve ruined the main event that millions of people paid good money to see-”

Mr. McMann winks at Suave…and shrugs.

Dickinson eventually drags Millennial Mark back to the ring. He stands him up in a corner. Steps back…rushes forward and throws himself into the Millennial. Millennial Mark takes two steps forward and collapses. Dickinson then pulls him back up. Lift…powerbomb. Cover…one…two…THREE.

*DING-DING-DING*

WINNER: ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson @ 3:24

Johnny Suave: We-ellll…a dominant win for ’Redneck’ Bill Dickinson over Millennial Mark.

Crowder calls Dickinson’s arrival to PCW ‘horrible’ and ‘deplorable.’ She questions why Mr. McMann has lowered himself by bringing Dickinson’s extreme style to PCW?

Johnny Suave: We’re about to find out.

Mr. McMANN SPEAKS Mr. McMann, flanked by Dickinson, Williams, Miller, and the Mouth of the SEC Phil Finebaum, is interviewed in ring by the Corporate Sports(Entertainment) Programming Nation aka..CSPN.

CSPN’s Reese Anderson asks McMann why Dickinson? Why Williams? Why Miller?

Mr. McMann: It comes down to this. Wins and losses. Bill Dickinson has a proven track record of success. Dan Williams and Dave Miller are an established tag team who are focuses on one thing- winning the PCW Tag Team titles.

CSPN’s Rebecca Morris asks McMann about the Political Universal titles.

McMann says the SEC hasn’t forgotten them.

Mr. McMann: Charlie Blackwell walked out on the SEC. Kirk Walstreit and P.M.C. Banks were poached by Jill Berg Enterprises…the SEC hasn’t forgotten that. There will be a reckoning. But first things first.

McMann wants to rebuild the brand first. He goes to elaborate but ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson interrupts.

Bill Dickinson: You don’t need a ‘brand.’ What you need is…

Dickinson balls his right fist and shows it off.

Bill Dickinson: …a good right hand. A nasty disposition. And the ability to put your opponents shoulders on the mat and have the referee count…one…two…three. I can do it.

Dickinson points over to Miller and Williams.

Bill Dickinson: They can do it.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Crowder looks horrified.

Colleen Crowder: This is awful! So much…toxic masculinity. I don’t think I can take much more.

Before things get more dramatic, Suave sends it backstage to Paige McGillicutty.

ANOTHER ARRIVAL Returning backstage interviewer Paige McGillicutty has two more new PCW wrestlers- actually a new tag team.

The man on the left is dressed in a bright blue t-shirt with a big ‘D’ in the middle. The man on the right is dressed in red with ‘RINO’ emblazoned across the front.

The Bi-Partisan Dream Team RINO-The Wonk Machine HT: 6′ 0″ WT: 275, HOME: Detroit, MI / FIN: Spear! Blue Dog D HT: 6’ 0” WT: 195 / HOME: Chattanooga, TN

Paige asks them why they’ve returned to PCW?

Blue Dog D says what happened last week on the Blue Brand’s Political Shakedown show was the final straw.

Blue Dog D: I’ve always tried to think that I’m fair minded. But the Progressive Alliance has shifted so far left that now it’s affecting the outcomes of matches.

Blue Dog D refers to the Californian Ninth Circuit of Appeals Rules that he wrestled the Ultimate Social Justice Warrior with on Tuesday Night’s Political Shakedown.

REPLAY: Tuesday Night Political Shakedown

Blue Dog D pins the Ultimate Social Justice Warrior. The referee’s ruling is appealed. The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals overturns the result and orders the match restarted.

Blue Dog D pins him again. The referee’s ruling is appealed. The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals overturns the result and orders the match restarted.

Blue Dog D pins him yet again. The referee’s ruling is appealed. The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals overturns the result and orders the match restarted.

Professor McCarthy’s Flock attacks Blue Dog D. The Ultimate Social Justice Warrior then pins him. The Ninth Circuit affirms the ruling.

Blue Dog D calls it wrong. He’d rather come to PCW where he knows he’ll get a fair shake.

RINO agrees. He’s proud to bring back the Bi-Partisan Dream Team and bring back balance to PCW.

TARKOWSKI ARRIVES AT THE HOT TUB Nicholas Tarkowski finally arrives at the souvenir stand for Champion of the Political Universe ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay.

Nicholas Tarkowski (talking on the phone): I know…I know Mr. Nadler. I’m supposed to be overseeing PCW’s operations. But the second I arrived here, Miss McGill…er..sorry…MS. McGill put me to work…….yes…put me to work!

Tarkowski sees the hot tub. It’s empty and covered up. He drops the box of shirts.

Nicholas Tarkowski: All right. I will get right on it.

Tarkowski ends the call and drops the box on the floor.

Random Worker: They’re not here.

Nicholas Tarkowski: But I’m supposed to-

Random Worker: They went back to the Les Miserables section. Ray said to bring him a few jerseys and leave the rest here.

Nicholas Tarkowski: But?

The random worker shakes his head and leaves.

Tarkowski sighs.

JACK FRAISER PROMO Jack paces back and forth. He’s pissed off at the Green World Order and Professor McCarthy’s Flock because they cost him a shot at the PCW title.

Jack Fraiser: Last week, I was engaged in a battle with Kevin Scott…I had a chance to win a title shot against Stone Chism. And then this happened…

REPLAY: End of Kevin Scott-Jack Fraiser Match

Fraiser sneaks a glance at Blaire Rendell at ringside, grits his teeth, and pushes forward. Scott hits a drop toehold and drops the leg across Fraiser’s back. Scott sits down on his back to bend Fraiser’s head back but a wave of green hits the ring and dive on him.

Johnny Suave: IT’S THE GREEN WORLD ORDER!

Peta, GreenPete and Lee triple up on Scott. PeaceNick does not take part in the violence- he actually walks around the ring with a sign decrying the inherent violence in PCW.

Also at ringside, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She’s cheering on the GWO’s attack on Scott.

Colleen Crowder: Kevin Scott had it coming. The message here? Don’t mess with AOC!

The referee calls for the bell.

WINNER BY DISQUALIFICATION/NEW #1 CONTENDER FOR THE PCW TITLE: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott @ 4:57

Colleen Crowder (shocked): WHAT?

Close up on Jack Fraiser. He can’t believe he’s just been disqualified.

Fraiser says Johnny Suave had it right. The GWO cost him a shot at the title.

Jack Fraiser: I make sacrifices to become a better man and a better wrestler. The GWO had no right to take away my opportunity to wrestle for the PCW title.

…Professor McCarthy comes out to the stage directs the rest of his Flock to attack Jack Fraiser and his Oootlander. Professor McCarthy’s Flock (GWO, The Young Jerks: Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and their screechy, profane valet Anna, Codee Pink, Emily S. List) jump Fraiser and Rendell.

Johnny Suave: IT’S NOW NINE AGAINST THREE!

Colleen Crowder: That’ll teach them a valuable lesson.

Professor McCarthy climbs into the ring. Fraiser and Rendell are laid out on the floor. Codee Pink glitter bombs Scott and he’s blinded. The Flock are now pummeling the living hell out of Scott.

Jack Fraiser: No, the valuable lesson that will be taught is not to mess with another man’s livelihood. GWO? I’m coming for you. Professor McCarthy’s Flock? I don’t care how long it takes, there will be payback for what happened.

========================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

“Remember. If something bad happens to you- we’ll find someone to blame so you can get paid!”

Extreme Attorneys Felcher and Felcher ‘Seriously Bad Lawyers with Seriously Bad Combovers’

========================

PCW RANKINGS

PCW Title Champion: The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism #1 Contender: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott #2 Contender: ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (Les Miserables) #3 Contender: ‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson (SEC) #4 Contender: Average Joe (Truckin’ Average Company)

PCW Women’s Title Champion: TBD #1 Contender: Yosemite Samantha #2 Contender: ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot #3 Contender: Ninja Kitty #4 Contender: ‘Former Hooter’s Waitress’ C.J. Lewis

PCW Tag Team Title Champion: Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and Halitosis #1 Contender: The Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson #2 Contender: Truckin’ Average Company: Ken Worth-American Trucker and Brad Company #3 Contender: Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice #4 Contender: The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank and Tiny

PCW Television Title Champion: TBD #1 Contender: Jack Fraiser #2 Contender: SNAFU #3 Contender: Big Oil (Jill Berg Enterprises) #4 Contender: Ken Worth-American Trucker (Truckin’ Average Company)

========================

OUTSIDE THE ARENA/FILMED EARLIER Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez continues to query people about whether or not they agree with her views and writes up those who don’t on her list.

Then, former PCW wrestler and member of the infamous ‘Axis of Evil’ tag team who competed in PCW a decade ago Fernando Venezuela comes up to AOC.

Fernando Venezuela HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 355, HOME: Caracas, Venezuela FIN: Venezuelian Vice Grip

She recognizes Venezuela and raises her right fist in the air.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Solidarity my Venezuelan brother! I support Nicolas Maduro one hundred percent and oppose any effort to remove him from power!

Venezuela points to a button on his shirt.

Fernando Venezuela: I support Juan Guaido. I’ve changed my stance on socialism.

Ocasio-Cortez’s smile vanishes.

Fernando Venezuela: Socialism does not work for Venezuelans. Socialism has left our country in a mess.

Now frowning, Ocasio-Cortez is not pleased.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Hmmph.

She angrily scribbles Venezuela’s name down on the clipboard.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: You just made the list!

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Johnny Suave: That’s right. Former Axis of Evil wrestler Fernando Venezuela is here tonight at the show. He’s sitting as a special guest in the Les Miserables section of the arena.

Cut to the Les Miserables section.

LIVE FROM THE LES MISERABLES SECTION Venezuela waves from the Les Miserables section. Behind Venezuela, the Les Miserables stand up and start cheering when they realize the camera has been turned on.

Venezuela sits next to Champion of the Political Universe ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and his pals: -General DeBauchery, a weird mash up of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting an authentic captain’s hat right out of World War II, grinning obnoxiously and smoking a cigar while collecting every beer and liquor label he can get his hands on. -Al Cahall, who does curls with a six pack of beer to tone his six pack abs. -Nic Koteen, smoking a cigarette and blatantly violating several city anti-smoking ordinances.

Also there, Dark and Stormy, legends of the West Texas Adult Entertainment industry, also wave wearing their standard official PCW Ray McAvay “Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up. Get to Work” baseball jerseys.

Oh…and Nicholas Tarkowski arrives with a few more shirts. He’s also on the phone- presumably with Jerrold Nadler dishing the dirt on PCW.

The camera pans and shows many more people in the section, ordinary folks from different backgrounds.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Colleen Crowder: Who are those nobodies sitting with McAvay and his rabble?

Johnny Suave: McAvay gives tickets to middle class, ordinary people to come to the show and fill up the Les Miserables section. He feels ticket prices for many events price out ordinary folks so this is his way of giving back to them.

Crowder’s eyes light up.

Colleen Crowder: Wait a minute. These people are getting ‘comped’ tickets? They’re not paying to get into the show.

Johnny Suave: Um…I guess not.

Crowder is up out of her chair and running to the back before Suave finishes his statement.

Johnny Suave: I’m used to her getting up and running out. But usually, she’s in a real pissed off mood when she does it.

Suave notes that located next to the Les Miserables section are the American Patriots/Never Trumpers country club set. Bill Kristol. Jonah Goldberg. David French. Tom Nichols. David Reaboi. Mitt Romney (UT-American Patriots). They sit next to the markedly rowdier Les Miserables sipping their cognac and looking down at their neighbors.

Kristol gets up and complains to one of the usher about the ‘unseemly’ behavior going on in the next section.

Bill Kristol: These ‘people’ simply do not belong.

Johnny Suave: Since when did Bill Kristol become Judge Smails?

Bill Kristol: And look at my shoes. There’s wax build-up on those shoes! This is fine leather! I need someone to come out here and strip the wax off, cream them, and buff them with a fine chamois!

Johnny Suave: I’m sorry, is he talking dirty there?

Kristol berates the poor usher and demands he does something about the Les Miserables.

Johnny Suave: Funny. Kristol and his ilk see people who are apparently beneath him. I see people doing the best they can to get from one day to another. Just like the two men who are going wrestle for the PCW Television title tonight. One of them is backstage right now with Paige McGillicutty. Paige?

Cut to backstage.

SNAFU AND COACH E.J. FLACK Paige brings SNAFU and Coach Flack in.

Paige McGillicutty: Coach Flack, SNAFU has had opportunities at the PCW Title. Tonight, he gets a crack at the TV belt.

E.J. Flack: Paige.

The crowd cheers.

E.J. Flack: Ladies and gentlemen. My name is E.J. Flack. I am not here to change traditions. I am not here to pursue an agenda. I am here in PCW because I eat challenges for breakfast. That’s why I’m here. And that’s why this man is here.

Flack points towards SNAFU.

E.J. Flack: Sometimes in life, you have to face the big monster thingy.

Paige McGillicutty: The big monster thingy?

E.J. Flack: Sometimes in life, you have to take on something that’s bigger than you even if its huge tusks can shred you to bits in seconds…even if its jagged teeth can tear through you like a hot knife through warm butter. Sometimes when you’re climbing life’s mountain and come up against insurmountable odds, you have to…

Flack pauses for dramatic effect.

E.J. Flack: …‘Narfle the Garthok!

Crowd: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

Flack continues with his spiel and says forget about ‘rowing the boat.’ He explains an oar is nothing more than a mere snack for a Garthok. A Garthok uses an oar as a frickin’ toothpick. And a boat becomes dilapidated in time.

E.J. Flack: When you’re climbing life’s mountain and come up against insurmountable odds, you don’t row something, you…

Flack raises his arm and the PCW fans respond.

Crowd: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

And with that, Flack and SNAFU depart.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder at the broadcast desk.

Suave notes Colleen Crowder has returned and seems in a really good mood.

Johnny Suave: We are ready to find out who will be the new PCW Television champion.

Colleen Crowder: I’m happy Jack Fraiser gets his title shot after all.

Johnny Suave: You are?

Colleen Crowder: Yes. Maybe now he’ll stop whining about what happened last week.

Suave sends it to Kimber Marshall in the ring.

Cut to the ring.

MATCH #2-PCW TELEVISION TITLE: SNAFU w/Coach P.J. Flack vs. Jack Fraiser Kimber Marshall is there and ready for the introductions.

Kimber Marshall: This match is a one fall…

Crowd: ONE FALL!

Kimber Marshall: …and is for the PCW Television Title! Introducing first…

’Feel Invincible’- Skillet

Kimber Marshall: HE’S LEARNED EVERYTHING HE KNOWS ABOUT WRESTLING FROM WATCHING SABU IN ECW VIDEOS!

SNAFU AGE: 33 / HT: 5′ 10″ WT: 200 / HOME: Parts Unknown FIN: Philadelphia Facebuster MGR: Coach E.J. Flack

The fans chant ‘SNAFU!…SNAFU! as he and Flack make their way to the ring.

Kimber Marshall: And his opponent…

The video screen comes to life:

It’s 1946 in the Scottish Highlands.

On the hill of Irish na Dun, British nurse Blaire Rendell hears the tell-tale buzzing sound as she approaches the standing stones. This makes her very happy.]

Blaire Rendell (Scottish accent): Soon, I’ll be back with my true love Jamie and I will be truly happy once again in eighteenth century Scotland.

Blaire goes to the standing stones where the buzzing sound gets louder and louder. Soon she faints and falls to the ground. When she wakes up…

Blaire nearly jumps in the air when she encounters a man dressed in heavy plaid lumberjack shirt, a warm coat, and a tuque.

Blaire Rendell: Wh-who the hell are you? And where the hell am I?

Jack Fraiser: My name is Jack Fraiser. You are in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Canada.

Blaire Rendell: Saskatoon…Saskatchewan Canada? That can’t be true. I’m supposed to be in Scotland.

[A hockey puck comes flying by just barely missing both of them.]

Blaire Rendell: What the *BLEEP*!

Jack Fraiser: Nope. This is definitely Canada.

Kimber continues with the introduction.

Jack Fraiser AGE: 24 / HT: 6”3” WT: 205 / HOME: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan FIN: Canadian National Railaway VALET: ‘Oootlander’ Blaire Rendell

Fraiser and Rendell make their way to the ring.

Johnny Suave: These two have spent a lot of time in the same ring of late. They know each other’s moves…they know each other’s tendencies. This will be a fascinating match.

Colleen Crowder: And the winner becomes the trailer park champion.

*DING-DING*

Flack gets up on the ring apron and shouts ‘NARFLE THE GARTHOK!’ The crowd responds in kind. Fraiser shrugs it off and ties up with SNAFU. Fraiser pushes SNAFU to a corner but backs off. He waits for SNAFU and they circle. SNAFU and Fraiser tie up again and jockey for position. Fraiser takes a waistlock. Fraiser rolls SNAFU back and shifts to a facelock. SNAFU scoots back to get the ropebreak with a foot. Fraiser lets go at 3 and he grins as they circle again. Flack claps his hands on the outside and fires the crowd up. They tie up, and Fraiser gets a takedown. Fraiser goes for the early pin. One…two…SNAFU kicks out. Fraiser goes for the mount but SNAFU pushes away with his legs. SNAFU tries to go to the air but Blaire Rendell smacks him in the back with a steel chair and SNAFU staggers into another takedown. Fraiser covers again…one…two…SNAFU kicks out and gets back to his feet.

Johnny Suave: Jack Fraiser controlling the action early on. He’s not letting SNAFU use any of the moves he’s learned from the SABU ECW DVD.

Colleen Crowder: Yeah whatever. The news I have is far better than this match between two no name wrestlers.

Fraiser charges forward. SNAFU throat chops! He clubs and chops Fraiser. Irish whip coming but Fraiser blocks, then reverses to run SNAFU over! Fraiser throws forearms and European Uppercuts. He whips SNAFU and dropkicks him! Fraiser even standing moonsaults! Cover…one…two…SNAFU kicks out and survives again. Fraiser whips SNAFU but SNAFU holds the ropes. Fraiser runs into a stungun and a flapjack hotshot! He decides to take five and rolls out of the ring. SNAFU pursues Fraiser on the outside. Blaire tries to get in his way…SNAFU knocks her aside and throws Fraiser into the barricade. Fans applaud while SNAFU scrambles back to the ring. Fraiser takes a few seconds to gather himself and confer with Blaire. He’s headed back to the ring when we go to break.

=======================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

Regressive Insurance Commercial

[Shot in black and white, the commercial starts out in an old fashioned kitchen right out of the 1950’s. Dawn McGill, wearing an arch-typical 1950’s red dress with white ruffles and sporting a 1950’s bouffant hair style, sits at the kitchen table with an antique adding machine to her right. She looks the part of the stereotypical happy suburban housewife, complete with big, pearly smile, as she sifts through the monthly bills.]

Announcer: The secret to a happy home in these modern times is a housewife who’s in control of the finances.

[McGill glances up and looks straight at the camera.]

Dawn McGill (in an extremely pleasant voice): Actually, any wife, husband, or human person could use Regressive Insurance’s ‘Set Your Own Price’ magic marker…

[Dawn holds up the giant, prop-like magic marker aka the ‘Set Your Own Price’ tool.]

Dawn McGill: …to take control of their budget.

[Dawn slightly tilts her face and smiles.]

Announcer: And while the men do the hard work of making money…

[Close up on McGill as her facial expression changes. She looks slightly annoyed now.]

Announcer: …she can get all the car insurance options her little heart desires.

[No check that. She looks a little pissed off.]

Dawn McGill: Men do the hard work of making money? Really?

[Cut to the announcer guy- a walking, talking relic from the 1950’s.]

Announcer (smiling and scoffing): Women don’t have jobs making money.

[Cut back to Dawn. She looks at the ‘Set Your Own Price’ tool. Then she looks at the announcer guy like a tiger eyeing its prey.

[Cut to the announcer guy.]

Announcer: Modernizing car insurance the-*WHACK*

[McGill cracks the announcer guy with the ‘Set Your Own Price’ tool.]

Announcer: Owww. You hit me.

[Then Dawn takes a headlock and gauges the announcer’s forehead with the ‘Set Your Own Price’ tool. Blood begins to flow from over his right eye.]

Announcer: Where’s your husband?”

Dawn McGill: Where’s my husband? I’ll show you where my husband is.

[Dawn takes announcer guy by the arm and flings him into the kitchen table. Then she goes to the cupboard and pulls out a skillet. No, not the newfangled skillets but the old fashioned iron skillet. McGill lifts the skillet and…]

[*BONK*]

[…brains the hell out of announcer guy with it.]

[The director of the commercial runs out.]

Director: Hey! You can’t-

[*BONK*]

[Fade to black.]

=======================

========================

OUTSIDE THE ARENA/MINUTES AGO Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wraps up a ‘spirited’…okay…heated conversation with a passer-by.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Yeah, buddy. You just make the list.

She scribbles the name down on her clipboard.

Finally, two policemen come up to her.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Yes? Can I help you?

Policeman: Ma’am. We’re going to have to take you in.

Ocasio-Cortez becomes a little concerned.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: This isn’t about the FEC complaint, is it?

The policemen shake their heads no.

Policeman: Gimmick infringement.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Gimmick infringement?

youtube

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (slightly confused): Oh……um……wait a minute

AOC tries to wrap her head around this.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (really confused): ……what?

Policeman: Come along with us.

They lead her towards a waiting car.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: No…wait!

Cut back to the match.

PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH (continued) …SNAFU tries to fight out of a sleeper hold and body scissors.

Johnny Suave: SNAFU’S in trouble! He needs to find a way out of the sleeper hold.

E.J. Flack whips the fans into rallying up. Blaire tries to do the same for her man. SNAFU finally fights his way up and out. SNAFU has a chair. *CLANG* Fraiser drops to a knee. SNAFU sets up the chair. Runs the ropes. Leaps off the chair and cannonballs into Fraiser.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Cover…one…two…NO! Fraiser just got the shoulder up. SNAFU with the chair. He tosses it to Fraiser. Basement dropkick-NO. Fraiser wallops SNAFU with the chair. Fraiser whips SNAFU into a corner. Blaire slaps SNAFU. Fraiser runs in…SNAFU ducks out. Fraiser misses and takes out his Oootlander- she goes tumbling off the ring apron. SNAFU manages a fireman’s carry…Rolling Death Valley! Cover…one…two…NO!

Johnny Suave: HOW IN THE HELL DID HE KICK OUT OF THAT?

Suave waits for Crowder to say something…anything.

Colleen Crowder: What!

Suave tries to prompt her along. Crowder says she’ll do her talking after the match is over.

Out of nowhere, Fraiser suplexes SNAFU! That gets the fans fired up. Fraiser stalks SNAFU. He scoops slams SNAFU and goes for a cover but SNAFU slips right out. SNAFU pokes the eyes. Fraiser manages a right hand that drives SNAFU into the ropes and then drags SNAFU up again. But SNAFU grabs ropes and won’t let go! SNAFU elbows out but Fraiser’s on him again, German Suplex! Fraiser holds on and drags SNAFU up again, German number two. Fraiser brings SNAFU up again, for the hat trick! But Fraiser’s not done yet. Lift…a fourth German Suplex to SNAFU. Fraiser for the title…one…two…th-NO! Fraiser can’t believe it. Blaire can’t believe it. Somewhere deep down, even SNAFU probably can’t believe it. Blaire pulls out a table and tosses it into the ring while Fraiser pulls SNAFU up and leans him in the corner. Fraiser sets the table up against SNAFU and retreats to the opposite corner. He takes off and sprints across and whams into the table at full speed driving it into SNAFU.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! CANADIAN NATIONAL RAILAWAY!

Fraiser avoids the table as it falls backward. SNAFU takes a step and pitches down to the mat. Fraiser covers. One…two…THREE!

*DING-DING-DING*

Johnny Suave: JACK FRAISER IS THE NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION!

Kimber Marshall makes the official announcement.

WINNER AND NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Jack Fraiser @ 17:52 (9:00 on TV)

Fraiser and Blaire embrace. But their celebration is cut short.

Colleen Crowder is in the ring and she’s joined by ‘Low Level Reporter at CNN Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Sharon Johns and ‘Low Level Reporter at the Washington Post Trying to Make a Name for Himself’ Dan Miller- both who were supposedly banned from reporting on PCW by Dawn McGill.

Crowder says she hates to step on Jack Fraiser’s ‘big win’ tonight but no one cares…she gets booed mightily for that one.

Colleen Crowder: We are breaking news here tonight and that takes precedence. Last week on Extreme Political TV, Dawn McGill said this to Jerrold Nadler…

REPLAY: Last Week’s Extreme Political TV

PCW Owner Dawn McGill and Jerrold Nadler (NY-Progressive Alliance) are in the midst of a heated conversation about ‘oversight.’

Dawn McGill: That’s a bad argument Mr. Nadler. I signed a contract with the venue and paid a fee for us to be here tonight. I make money by charging a price for people to come here to watch the show. I don’t comp tickets to ANYONE. Including you. Including people who just think they can show up at the door and walk right in. It’s not fair to those who spent their hard earned money in order to come here tonight. It’s not fair to those who do the right thing but keep getting penalized by people like you for doing the right thing.

Crowder says McGill has been caught in a lie…a BIG LIE.

Colleen Crowder: Earlier tonight, I found out that alleged, ordinary, schmucks are given free tickets to sit in the Les Miserables section…

REPLAY: Earlier Tonight

Colleen Crowder: Who are those nobodies sitting with McAvay and his rabble?

Crowder’s eyes light up.

Colleen Crowder: Wait a minute. These people are getting ‘comped’ tickets? They’re not paying to get into the show.

Johnny Suave: Um…I guess not.

Crowder is up out of her chair and running to the back before Suave finishes his statement.

Jerrold Nadler appears on the video screen.

Jerrold Nadler (video screen): First off, I want to thank Colleen Crowder for personally calling me with this new information. I am very interested in hearing McGill’s explanation for this.

And that brings the PCW owner out. She does not look happy.

Dawn McGill: Colleen, I thought you were a lot of things but I never dreamed for a second that you were a nark. You went and narked me out to Jerrold Nadler. You’ve made my point about bias and validated the reason why I barred your Washington Post and CNN pals from the arena tonight.

McGill then gets to her point. She pulls out what appears to be four checks and asks the camera person to zoom in on them.

The cameraman zooms in- it is indeed four checks.

Dawn McGill: One check is from Ray McAvay. One check is from William Daniels Bryan. One check is from Charlie Blackwell. And guess who wrote out the fourth check?

The camera shows Dawn McGill wrote the fourth check.

Crowder’s jaw drops. Miller’s jaw drops. Hall’s jaw drops.

Dawn McGill: What does that mean? It means between the four of us, we paid for EVERY…SINGLE…TICKET…in the Les Miserables section.

Nadler disappears from the video screen and it goes black.

McGill eyes Crowder.

Dawn McGill: Ray McAvay, William Daniels Bryan, and myself spent two full days driving all over the Wichita metropolitan area giving away free tickets. We stopped at a couple Waffle Houses and handed out tickets. We stopped at warehouses, distribution centers, factories, restaurants, shops, the mall, strip malls, strip clubs, firehouses, outhouses, you name it, we stopped in every conceivable place possible and gave away tickets to tonight’s show.

McGill pauses and smiles.

Dawn McGill: We’ve spent more time handing out tickets and giving back to ordinary, middle class people who’ve been disrespected and disregarded for the past twenty-five years than Adam Schiff (CA-Progressive Alliance) did prepping Michael Cohen for his testimony.

Mic drop.

McGill turns and leaves.

Suave sends it backstage.

KEVIN SCOTT SPEAKS Paige McGillicutty has ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott backstage and asks him about his match last week against PCW Champion ‘The One Man Anti Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism.

Kevin Scott: Stone Chism. My road back to the PCW Title is in the home stretch and I know what it takes to get to the end. I’m a three time PCW Champion and I know that to win the belt you have to go to another level.

Paige asks Scott about the Green World Order attack on him last week.

Kevin Scott: The GWO did Jack Fraiser wrong. I’m happy he won the PCW Television title earlier tonight but…hey…that doesn’t make up for the fact that he could be in my situation right now and wrestling for the top belt in PCW.

Scott says he’s happy that he ended up with the title shot.

Paige asks if he believe he’s earned his shot.

Kevin Scott: That’s not for me to say. I feel bad for Jack Fraiser but I’m not going to refuse to take this opportunity. And I’m fed up with the Green World Order and Professor McCarthy’s Flock talking down to the PCW fans. The fans want someone to punch them in the nose…hell…I want to punch them in the nose. Hopefully I’ll get my chance to do that…soon!

Paige thanks Scott and sends it back to Suave and Crowder.

SUAVE REVIEWS THE SHOW -Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (NY-Progressive Alliance) stands outside an entrance to the Hartman Arena and asks people if they support her. If they do, she gets a smile. If they don’t, they make her ‘list.’ -Jerrold Nadler (NY-Progressive Alliance) sends an intern to oversee PCW. The intern gets put to work and doesn’t do a lot of overseeing. -‘Redneck’ Bill Dickinson of the SEC defeated Millennial Mark -‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann discussed the ‘new’ SEC. -Jack Fraiser is pissed off at the Green World Order for costing him a shot at the PCW title -Fraiser then defeats SNAFU to win the PCW Television Title -‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder thinks she’s caught PCW Owner Dawn McGill in a lie about ‘comped’ tickets. She was wrong.

It’s main event time for the PCW Women’s Title.

MAIN EVENT/PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Yosemite Samantha vs. ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot Kimber Marshall is in the ring.

Kimber Marshall: Tonight’s main event is one fall…

Crowd: ONE fall!

Kimber Marshall: And it’s for the PCW Women’s title. Introducing first…she is the roughest, toughest, rootinest, shootinest cowgirl who ever crossed the Rio Grande!

Yosemite Samantha, sporting a big ten gallon cowboy hat and a holster complete with gun, walks out onto the stage and gives the audience the ol’ stinkeye.

*“Moth into a Flame” – Metallica*

Yosemite Samantha AGE: 30 / HT: 5’1″ WT: 105 / HOME: Dodge City, KS FIN: Shotgun Knee/Cannonball Combo VALET: Andrea, Melissa, and Charissa Hanson aka…The Hanson Sisters

With an intense look on her face, Yosemite Samantha marches down to the ring followed by all three Hanson Sister- each one dressed in the class Charlestown Chiefs hockey sweaters from the movie ‘Slapshot.’

Yosemite Samantha leaps onto the ring apron and takes aim at her opponent in the back. She removes her cowboy hat and gun holster and leaves them in the corner.

Kimber Marshall: And her opponent…

*“Queen of My Double-Wide Trailer”- Sammy Kershaw*

‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot struts out with her White Trash Posse (Shayne and Jaxson).

‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot AGE: 33 / HT: 5′ 10″ WT: 118 / HOME: Magnolia, AR FIN: White Trash Compactor VALET: The White Trash Posse-Shayne and Jaxson

Harlot and company come to the ring.

Colleen Crowder: You’ve got to be kidding me. It’s freakin’ 2019 and THESE are the two women who are wrestling to become the PCW Women’s champion. What the *BLEEP*?

Johnny Suave: Well Colleen. Lani and Samantha survived two nights of matches this weekend to make it to this point. They are the best of the best in the PCW Women’s-

Colleen Crowder: Save it. Neither of these women qualify to be in this position. These women aren’t the role models that our young girls should look up to.

Johnny Suave: Sorry. You earn titles by doing the work. These two women have done the work.

Crowder starts to say something but Suave notes Referee Davey Keels is calling for the bell.

*DING-DING*

Johnny Suave: And we’re off.

1st MINUTE Harlot and Yosemite Samantha start slowly. Circling. The White Trash Posse scowl watching the action. The Hanson Sisters keep a close watch on the proceedings. Collar and elbow tie. Harlot goes wristlock. Yosemite Samantha reverses into a hammerlock. Harlot reverses back. Irish whip. Yosemite Samantha ducks going through. Harlot blocks the hip toss. Yosemite Samantha blocks a hip toss. Both release and there’s a stand off. The crowd applauds.

Johnny Suave: Okay. No one got the better of that exchange.

Colleen Crowder: No one cares about that Johnny.

2nd MINUTE Tie up. Harlot pushes Yosemite Samantha into a neutral corner. Right hand. Right hand. Yosemite Samantha takes the easy way and punts Harlot in the groin. Harlot doubles over.

Colleen Crowder: Awwww…really? We’re doing that?

Yosemite Samantha grabs her by the back of the head and drives her to the mat with a running bulldog. Roll over and cover…one…Harlot powers out.

Johnny Suave: She wasn’t going to get it done that easy.

Drop toehold by Harlot but Yosemite Samantha pushes herself right back up. She misses a wild right hand as Harlot ducks under. Harlot hiptosses her opponent to the mat.

3rd MINUTE Yosemite Samantha back on her feet and getting her dander up. She goes to run the ropes but Shayne snags a leg and knocks her off balance. Harlot runs through with a clothesline. She goes top rope and hits an elbow. Hooks the legs. One…two- Yosemite Samantha kicks out with authority. Yosemite Samantha clubs Harlot on the back and stares down her White Trash Posse. Shayne shrugs and plays innocent. Yosemite Samantha turns around to get run over by Harlot.

Johnny Suave: Neither woman really getting a foothold on this match. The best thing you can say is that they’re being patient and not forcing the issue.

Colleen Crowder: You are trying really hard to put bright red lipstick on the pig, aren’t you?

4th MINUTE Harlot stalks Yosemite Samantha along the ropes. Forearms to the back. YS falls over. Cover by Harlot…one…two…Yosemite Samantha kicks out. More forearms by Harlot. Yosemite Samantha hits back. Harlot clubs her down again. Harlot stands Yosemite Samantha up and whips her into the ropes. YS comes back and gets big back dropped…bails out…and falls to the floor. Keels starts a ring count and it passes 6 before Yosemite Samantha really moves.

Johnny Suave: Yosemite Samantha needs to find another idea. What she’s doing is not working and hasn’t worked for most of the match.

Colleen Crowder: This is terrible. It’s setting back the women’s movement by fifty years.

…

14th MINUTE The Hanson Sisters confer with Yosemite Samantha on the outside. They break off when the count reaches 15 and YS returns to the ring. Harlot drags Yosemite Samantha up. YS hits back with forearms! Harlot swings but Samantha dodges and manages a scoop, but Harlot’s weight brings her down! Cover…one…two…Yosemite Samantha kicks out. Harlot drops an elbow on her back and then pauses to catch her breath.

Johnny Suave: Both women are exhausted. Just exhausted. A lot of energy was expended in the first few minutes of the match.

15th MINUTE Action slows way down. Yosemite Samantha grabs Harlot’s arm and goes walking on the top rope. She leaps and hits a headscissors takedown on Yosemite Samantha. Cover…one…two…Harlot kicks out at 2. Armdrag takedown by Yosemite Samantha. Slingshot Springboard Crossbody by Yosemite Samantha. She hooks the legs…Harlot kicks out at two and hits a desperate Superkick that drops Yosemite Samantha. Harlot follows with a Super Back Suplex and covers. One…Two…kick out by Samantha.

Johnny Suave: How can you not say that this is a great match between two great female wrestlers. I thought this was right in your wheel house?

Colleen Crowder: These two are NOT the positive, uplifting role models who should be filling these type of positions. PERIOD!

16th MINUTE Harlot with another back suplex and cover. One…two…Andrea Hanson of the Hanson Sisters came off the top rope with another missile dropkick to make the last second save. Yosemite Samantha rolls out of the ring to the floor. Harlot goes for it and leaps over the ropes to hit an awkward Headscissors Takedown. Yosemite Samantha gets dragged back into the ring. Cover by Harlot…one…two…Yosemite Samantha kicks out at two.

Johnny Suave: That was close!

Colleen Crowder: Whatever…

Crowder gets up and leaves…again…

17th MINUTE Yosemite Samantha on the top rope. She flies. Harlot ducks and YS clocks Jaxson from the White Trash Posses with a double ax handle to the head. Jaxson is knocked out and falls to the mat. Harlot spins Yosemite Samantha around. Small package roll up by Samantha! Cover. One. Two. Three.

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall right in the ring for the announcement.

WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Yosemite Samantha @ 16:29 (7:00 for TV)

Johnny Suave: Un-freakin’ believable. Yosemite Samantha outlasts the ‘Queen of the Trailer Park’ Lani Harlot and she is your new PCW Women’s Champion!

The new champ celebrates with the Hanson Sisters in the ring.

Johnny Suave: That’s going to do it. For Colleen Crowder, I’m Johnny Suave. We’ll see you all next week.

0 notes