#peace within and without
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Different standards
#didnt mean to do this one in quote unquote colour but it wasnt legible without it so. heres a treat i suppose#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat loop#isat bonnie#lucabyteart#coughs up a lung. anyway. ramble time as per usual. this is what i was warming up for btw in case it wasnt obvious#besides being another entry in the 'letting bonnie read loop for filth on accident' series. this is mostly self indulgent musings on#headcanons (and i will just use that word here.) ive previously rambled about in other tags and posts#namely: in the scenario that loop integrates into the party as a New Person for quite a while before The Truth Come Out. i feel they have#a decent chance at really scoring a slam dunk in becoming a guardian figure for bonnie? loop's demeanor is already colder and a tiny#bit more level-headed than siffrin's in the way they seem to discuss bonnie with them. namely pointing out that bonnie#never really hated them. it seems to be one thing they're genuinely at peace with? they've seen by now the truth that bonnie#was just scared and upset. and likely now knows that what bonnie wants is to be treated with grown-up respect within reason. plus loop#already scores bonus points with bonnie since they didnt 1. fuck up bad like sif did in act 5 and 2. saved sif in the party's eyes#... but then when it turns out that this clean-slate relationship with a stranger was siffrin being deceitful? must have been odd.#bonnie seems to really dislike being lied to. the question is whether they'd see it that way? would they feel betrayed there?#anyway. this is set after all those emotions are at least settled some. loop able to be more physically affectionate... and yet#still not letting themselves be quite as close as they'd like perhaps. perhaps...#anyway translucent pyjamas because i dont care if you're comforting a crying child you've GOT to SERVE!!!#and also i feel like the party probably wouldn't let loop stay completely naked for that long. especially not post-reveal anyway
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@vulpixisananimal sifstem art jumpscare!! more specifically i got bored and decided to mess around with sif and mal's outfits.
#my art#this is how I think theyd present themselves either in person or in headspace. the slouchers <3#sifs outfit is simple; the boots i always give them (but with star laces for funsies); loose sweater; simple pants#the pants are Meant to be jeans but isat doesnt Specifically Have Jeans so. theyre just Pants.#the sweater is slightly looser bc sif doesnt seem like a Form Fitting Clothes kinda guy to me but hes Trying to be more open#on particularly good days theyll roll the sleeves up or wear a sleeveless one methinks#even if everyone Knows abt the self-harm scars its hard to Look at them.#i also associate them being more open with them not wearing an eyepatch. esp bc hes the only one of the three to go without it#for mal (or 'ami' as i like to call it) i wanted smth reminiscent of a mourning outfit bc mal du pays means homesickness#and i picked 'ami' as a nickname bc ami means friend :] at least according to my basic translator. i dont speak french <3#ami's outfit being dark is also reminiscent of the inversion thing its got going on in canon.#ik the veil is starred in the original but i think ami would want the fewest reminders of home. on account of The Issues#(actually if i can come back to sifs laces sif also has issues with reminders of it bc of the memory loss but the shoelaces are His Choice—#—which gives them a form of control over it and they can keep it subtle or undo it if he wants. which makes it easier)#anyway. i put amis hair in an updo and smoothed the hat bc i think ami wants to be Unremarkable. Unknown. so it keeps its silhouette Simple#(it still keeps the pins. theres smth comforting abt them. they shine like stars and theyre not stars and theyre not Home. but theyre You.)#and i kept the long hair i gave loop. dont ask me why its so long when the canon hair is short. maybe their hair kept growing over the loop#OH and i drew ami in a side profile bc Silhouette and also bc i think itd make an effort to keep people away from its blind spot#andddd i think thats about it? plus i actually managed to keep this one within a reasonable timeframe.#if their hair changes lengths/the proportions change between drawings. no they dont 💛 peace and love and body craft#OH AND YOU FINALLY GET TO SEE WHAT I MEAN ABT SIFS BOOTS BC THESE ARE THE BOOTS I GAVE THEM ON MY REGULAR DESIGN ARENT THEY NEAT#i did actually try to give sif a different font but nothing Works for them like the pixel font. i cant explain it.#i think 'ami' would be a nickname that mira gives it. bc. shes Fantasy French. and its a sort of 'youre more than your yearning/loss' thing#me every time i think abt sifstem: yeah they just rotate in my head. nothing major#me every time i talk abt sifstem: oh hey im almost at tag limit again#au Good what can i say
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could just be me but i really do feel like team galactic are all best friend buddies who have fun together. also i watched this (their episode of pokémon generations) recently and it only deeply emotionally wounded me a little bit
#like they all seemed genuinely so happy and excited#and then cyrus gets swept away by giratina and the portal vanishes without a trace#and they actually seem so completely broken about it#they are shocked!!!!#like these guys are the villains but man why did they make that hurt!!!! lowkey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#platinum messes me up man. the idea of cyrus actually finding inner peace inside the distortion world#content to live there silently and alone#and they actually made that idea a reality within this animated episode#that in a way he actually got what he ultimately wanted#it’s really sad man. it’s really sad that that’s who cyrus is#everyone is all freaking out and worrying about him and saturn is trying to contact him via earpiece#and all cyrus says is ‘do not look for me’#like abandon the mission. forget about me. this is my ideal world after all#like the idea he’s just gonna spend eternity there and he’s fine with it#but everyone else in his life genuinely cared about him#dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#pokémon#dppt
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Why did I get all the math and science mutuals you guys SCARE ME
#sillyposting#shitposting actually#anyway#I am in awe of your huge brains#but also terrified of the computing power you hold within them#I see numbers and I want to throw up#the fight or flight kicks in#my eyes glaze over#I get flashbacks to a terrible time#it’s the Great War of 2013 (I am failing my math class)#I cannot escape the numbers#they know where I sleep (my 15000 alarms)#will I ever know peace?#no. not with y’all here. disturbing my peace.#what the FUCK is a Han Xin code Wathav#I’m SCARED#(again this is a shitpost I genuinely love your interests even if I personally can’t compute them LMAO)#at least without handholding#I would genuinely like an explanation if you’d like to infodump#ooh secret code I would love to learn about the theory of it all
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Bonus:
2.22 (46) / 2.24 (48) / 2.25 (49) / 2.35 (59) / 2.39 (63)
#like servant like sultana huh? but this time it's *Mahidevran* who apparently mirrors Gülşah as we see her rule later. both got these#positions so unexpectedly - it should've probably been someone else but it's them and they're *thrilled* as they can finally achieve what#they've always wanted through these promotions: to command power over these so despised people that have disrespected them; that they've#been embarrassed by; that have even taken their most cherished away; for Gülşah it's something more general/all-encompassing opposed by#many people while for Mahidevran it's something more specific opposed by a single person but both *feel* that same drive to seek#accountability and justice to the point of enacting revenge anyway. they both ultimately get carried away by that pull. they both operate#by letting people know they're in charge through pulling rank as an absolute lecturing that precise tradition and order that puts them#above brazenly issuing orders to discredit and/or outright punish those who've offended them: it's one person Mahi/Gülşah have a particular#beef with during their rules (Daye/Hürrem respectively) but Gülşah didn't show any resentment of Daye until that point thus Daye is more#the cumulative power Gülşah is starting to lord above while Hü is that exact hurt for Mahi bringing it all back to the general vs. personal#there're other notable differences here like in their speeches about order/tradition because quite a part of Mahi actually believes in#the good these traditions can bring and their necessity as much as she resents their restrictive ruthlessness but Gülşah doesn't believe in#any tradition really she just mirrors what she's seen and known her entire life using it just for her goals no more no less;#for Gülşah all will be okay only when they do what she says because she's so understandably insecure about her authority over *everyone*#while for Mahi all will be fine only when the order is kept in general including there being no unrest among the concubines#(hence peace; another pre-Manisa to post-Manisa transitional point perhaps?); they both want 2 certain ağas to “understand” but while they#say they do without much/any question for Mahi no matter how much they dislike it they are almost forced to by Gülşah and they don't hide#not their dislike but *disregard*; even Gülşah's short rule is telling of her position: SS dismissing her is completely out of her control#she's removed before even doing all that much - another symbolic reminder of how little agency she has - while SS dismissed Mahi because#she truly screwed up a lot in spite of her being framed this is the one time she was given *all* the agency; they both encounter the person#they're replaced with but with Gülşah it happens immediately to highlight the out-of-reach suddenness while with Mahi it happens afterwards#as a result almost. I included the bonus parallels because while Mahi didn't rule the harem then it was almost a set-up for that with a S2B#bent to it while Gülşah as treasurer highlights that this is indeed a harem within the harem; it's Mustafa's harem now as a preparation for#Manisa while also being a culmination of Gülşah's own arc (I kind of like that in spite of their relations being brought back to normal#Gülşah still doesn't have that many scenes with Mahi or in general compared to S01; it adds to this little rule's culminative feel)#also Mahi looking carefully through the concubines to truly pick who she thinks is best while Gülşah is just ecstatic to make calls at all!#magnificent century#muhteşem yüzyıl#mahidevran sultan#gulsah hatun
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beyond grateful for the people that are surrounding me in my life, just as i am grateful for the people i’ve parted ways with, for without them, i would not be the person i am today.
#i have left so many people throughout my life#and#if someone would ask me if i’d regret any choice i’ve made i would say no#i regret hurting people yet i wouldn’t change a thing if i could#without the suffering the sacrifices and the lessons i would not be the person i am today that i can finally say i’m proud of#whenever i read the question “would you want to be your friend if you’d meet yourself?” deep down my answer was no#i was a good friend and i always tried my best to be there for everyone#but i was so blinded and overwhelmed by my pain that i tried so hard not to project on others that it was exactly the thing i’ve done#i was extremely caring sensitive loving and selfless but my ”bad“ traits were just as extreme#my emotions were so overwhelming that they were scattered all over the place that it didn’t allow me to have any control over them#i used to be so terrified of being alone. all i’ve felt was a great loneliness that was residing within me#until i’ve gathered the strength to leave an entire friendgroup with people that meant the world for me#they weren’t good for me anymore just as i wasn’t for them#since that day i’ve grown a lot i became a better and healthier version of myself#i learned how to be alone and to find the peace in it and in myself#all i’ve had was Allah swt. and He is all i will ever need.#without the hardships in terms of friendship i wouldn’t have been able to learn how to be alone and love and enjoy it#without it i could not say that i could easily give up the people in my life#i could if i had to bc i have Allah swt.#but i’ve learned how to choose and to choose the right people#i don’t need you and never will but i choose you bc i want you in my life and i think that makes it so much more special#i can finally say that i love the person i am today and can’t wait to see myself grow even more as the cycle of growing is never ending#I still have so much to learn and I will let it come to me with open arms#an open mind and an open heart#above all the most precious gift i’ve earned is to learn how to have tawakkul.#everything that happens every trial that is afflicted upon us has meaning#and it’s beautiful.#being able to pick out the khair in everything is the biggest blessing#alhamdulillah for the things that bruised my soul alhamdulillah for the things that mended it#alhamdulillah for everything bc truly; Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.
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your room was square
i once noticed from there
in your bed, as you slept
and i held my breath
everything had its own place
and i wondered what space would i take
in the order you kept
#in this drawing i wanted to use the song ‘Square’ by Mitski#personally i feel like this song is about being in love and trying far too hard to be the perfect lover that you are incapable of being#to me it’s like trying to see where you fit in that person’s life and not knowing where you belong in it#but then you’re still longing for that feeling of belonging there with them#so you self-destructively go to great lengths to ‘earn’ your place with them#i feel that the self-destructive behavior of trying to be that perfect lover just to ‘earn’ their love#is exactly the ‘burning’ that Mitski describes#it hurts trying to fit in but not quite succeeding again and again and again...#this is something that i think i relate to#trying far too hard to belong with someone who is 'only sometimes madly in love with me'#and says that i 'wouldn't be their first choice'#-that person kept switching between wanting me as a friend and a lover and now i am neither#and yet therein lies the problem: if i cared less and gave less effort#perhaps we could’ve worked things out without me trying too hard to “earn” their love#but why would i ever try to care less?#the situation was doomed from the start and i lost a friend in the process#i made this illustration to reflect that the best i could. I think the square motif was particularly obvious—#the canvas itself is a square and the illustration itself has to fit in a square box#everything else i drew would have to fit within this box to maintain the “order”#the colors are all some type of blue with not too much contrast except for the text eyes and teardrop on the figure#i wanted to keep contrast low within this illustration— everything should be “fitting in" after all#for the figure itself i wanted it to be clear that the figure is being forced into that square#its body’s being forced into that half of the box and even then its head is forced downwards#it’s clearly not fitting comfortably but it’s sure trying its hardest to#also also also!!! i wanted to do more angular shapes with this drawing because square and whatever lol :P#i don’t think i was particularly obvious in communicating that in the drawing though#but anyways i just wanted to draw to help process something that happened to me a while back :0#i still think i love that person but just like how i don’t have a place in their life#i don’t think they have a place in mine and i think i’m starting to make peace with that :D#jaevyart
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my cottagecore toxic yuri cousins who claimed to have good taste totally ruined me for a second there lmfao
#i was soooo put off by their taste + it's not like it was bad at all but it just wasn't for me#and like to only have them as role models was just too scary haha#i just hate isolation too much for all of that + there's an ignorance that comes with isolation + peace as well#idk. lots to think about. and like i just have different furniture tastes. layout tastes. i'm too aware of the structure of a room lol#i also just don't like being yelled at + i don't like being talked down to lol#i think it's hard when a lot of your family has gone. you have these great role models in youth and then they're gone and you can't#ask them for help and you might try to remember the layouts of their houses or the titles of their books but they're just gone#and you were too young to ask them about what really mattered when they died so it's like just too unfortunate.#but who knows. maybe it's better to have a space like that in your mind that's so untouched by adulthood. you can go back to a place#of pure idealism and twist it without realizing to become anything you want and then you can see in it just what it is that you want when#you've lost track of it in reality.#like i don't know a lot about the people i really looked up to but the impression i got was that they were insanely deep thinkers who#weren't afraid of living during tough times. who can say if that's true through and through but maybe there's a certain longing in grief#that's sort of liberating. like someone who you really admire becomes a place for you to look at the sort of person you'd like to be#i pick up books and think 'if she was alive today maybe she'd enjoy this too' and then i find myself pursuing something i wanted to pursue#but couldn't find the personhood within myself to do so
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standing together is literally just liberal zionism ofc bds was gonna call them out on normalization lol
#not to discredit the palestinians working within that movement#but “calling for peace and togetherness” without bringing forth any material demands (save for calling for a ceasefire)#is not meaningful activism
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so anyway. I've been up since god knows when because the cats are fighting again, and if I don't stop the cats fighting they'll either kill each other, or the sound of them fighting will piss someone else off enough that they'll kill me
#vents !!?#yes this is my actual thought process#yes this is somewhat based in real actual trauma#this is why we've always had to spend as much time alone as possible#because if there's no one else around us#we can actually properly relax#no one within earshot = no potential threats = peace at last#unfortunately it means being alone forever until the end of time#this is how all of our in system relationships happened by the way#need attention and sex and romance but can't risk being near another human person?#easy fix! brain boyfriend!#there's a few reasons why that happens but that's a big one#we're built to live alone in the woods and die quietly alone#where we can finally just let out a deep breath without being terrified of the noise it's gonna make
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my two ocs have to stop being so sweet and perfect for each other in my head; they’re supposed to be a tragic couple that have wronged each other in terrible ways
#last thought of the night where I feel strangely energized for some reason#it’s my OCs they won’t give me peace until I tell their stories#the reason why one half of that couple softened over the years was to accommodate their romance#but lost a lot that villain spice so I have go back to the drawing table and put the original traits back to make him a amalgamation#of those two roles which is actually a plot point for another character within the narrative funnily enough his is just in a more meta way#what I imagine was one character pulling the others arm to show them something without realizing they’re doing that#and they let go apologetically when they realize but then the other person is like I’m gonna match your energy and lift them up to take the#bridal carry style to take them where they want to go#much to the others delight#I have to digest more angsty media again#I’m rambling it’s late I have to wake up early#click clack
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Topsy turvy me. First within… then on the outside.
#life blogging#love#feel the love#me#love is all around#love is#peace#my face#selfie#selfies#topsy turvy#saturday vibes#as within so without
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The vet doesn’t believe me when I say Bandit is a good boy.
Probably because he’s drawn blood every time she’s seen him.
#he is a good boy I swear#as long as your hands aren’t near him without a peace offering#look bandit bit me and drew blood within minutes of meeting and that set the tone for our entire relationship#I carried that boy home with two bloody fingers and I’ve never regretted it#I spent months gaining his trust#and his love#he does love me#I know that#and not just because I taught him to say I love you#I know it because he screams for me when I leave the room#I know it because he begs for my attention#I know it because I can see how much he trusts me#it was hard earned#and I fucked it up a bit#so he doesn’t trust me as much as he did#but he still loves me#you earn a cockatiel’s love and you have a lifelong friend#he’s a good boy
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mob psycho(logical horror) 100
#Chatterbomb#There are some terrifying concepts in there they should be stretched more#That comic reminded me of junji itos The Long Dream#I’ll have to do a rewatch and write some stuff down#The mental prison stuff? Terrifying 10/10#Shigeo in fabricated world for six months is terrifying but I feel like being trapped in a static environment that only gets longer even#Though real world time has barely passed and you are all alone and you can’t escape and you can’t change the environment besides clawing at#The walls#day and night don’t pass with the sun and moon but your body is aging anyway#Nothing changes and you are running out of resources.#How long until you accept no one will come and save you? How much are you willing to starve while waiting for someone who left?#What if the world that trapped you won’t let you die? Starving for centuries without a sign of life#Thinking at some point you must have escaped. Or was it a dream within a dream? Can that happen? How many times have you fallen asleep?#How many dreams deep are you already in?#WHAT IF HE STARTED ROTTING#what if he was living in his own dead body!!!!! Would that be fucked up or what!!!!!#Something about reigen sparks a desire to see him experience pain disconnected with reality#The dreams in train hell are only getting longer. None of them are peaceful. He can’t tell if his hair is greying from aging or how much th#Dreams take a toll on him. How much time has really passed? Can he even rely on how his body is changing? Is it truly time who is#Responsible? Or is it him? Or the train itself?#What if all they found of him was a dryed up body with a beating heart and pulsating brain. Laying limp and clothing scattered#If I really indulge myself the scratched out days. When looked at from farther away. Still marking the potential days reads#Abandon all hope#ye who enter here#Which yeah that’s stretching into being ridiculous but it would be cool TO ME#Dante’s inferno you are so silly and special to me#I got really autistic here but <3 big fan of horror huge fan of suffering <333#ALSO!! taking inspiration from “heck” short film but the days might be counted by “sleeps” as time cannot accurately be measured in a place#That defies universal law#Ok I think I’m done now ok I’m normal probably
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#malcified#oneness#awareness#within is without#return to the source#wholeness#nature#artwork#cartooning#consciousness#food for thought#food for the soul#food for dogs#spiritual awakening#spirituality#god#peace#compassion
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@freezegirl asked: feelings realization - receiver realizes they have feelings for sender meme: a collection of situation prompts ( @ any & all mutuals please send more of these they're so good )
the two were tucked into a booth at the paper lantern, the table a mess of papers & textbooks with empty dishes stacked at the side for the moment. khione had her eyes turned downward towards, some lesson on costuming causing a slight furrow in her brow. warren's head rested comfortably on his hand while he had a mad science lab report in the forefront on his half of the table. he glances up at her & the faint clattering & conversations of the people nearby seemed a world away.
it wasn't easy for warren to feel close to people, but with kie it just felt... comfortable. she was the first person in years he'd invited into his home, into his room, his sanctuary ( even if it meant introducing her to his mom ). though he still wonders who it was that had spread that fact around the school.
after the whole royal pain attack during homecoming, things around seemed to have improved some now that there was something unequivocally positive he'd done. he was even getting over his hatred of will, albeit slowly. & after his "moment" with kie at the dance kick-started their.. friendship..? — if you could call it that, frankly, from the start he'd never really known what to call them. but if he was completely honest with himself, she calmed him. she helped cool him down when his hot headed behaviour acted up just as much as his presence warmed her up in its own way.
so he clears his throat, mentally shaking the thoughts of kie from his mind in an attempt to focus on his homework but it was no use. she had glanced up at the noise, flashing a small smile at their eye contact & warren felt his heart skip a beat. it scared him. he knew what it must mean, but the implications were terrifying. he'd never had a crush before, not really, not in this way. he wasn't a monk, he'd had a few dates & shared a few kisses. but the connection he had with kie was brand new. it wasn't love yet, but it could be, he thinks to himself as he response in kind with a smile of his own — so incredibly unaware of the soft hint of a tenderness in his eyes as he does, so small it was almost invisible. but it wasn't, it was there.
he doesn't really know what to do with himself at the moment, his heart not exactly settled while she still looks at him. she really is cute, he has to admit — everything about her was cute to him. her smile, her beautiful brown eyes, the way she looks so at peace when she's skating, her handwriting & how clear her notes were when he'd borrowed them, even the way she struggles with her studies when something especially difficult comes up. he just hadn't realised it all until right then, hadn't realised just how much he'd filed away about her. & how much he picked up the little things that made her so pleasant to be around. but for a boy whose heart had been so closed off for so long, it was almost overwhelming to take these thoughts in all at once. — & so,
❝ i was thinking i should probably get the dirty plates out of the way so there's a bit more room. do you want another dawet while i'm up? ❞ ( how professional of him ). the truth of the matter was that he was looking for an excuse to get away for a few minutes, to take a break from the sight of her in order to calm his heart at least so it wasn't so distracting — he does still have homework to finish after all. ❝ or i could grab you a ginger beer. ❞ a drink that wasn't actually on the menu. but he'd bought a few & convinced his manager to let him sneak them into the walk-in because he knew kie liked them, & knew the pair would be doing school work for a good while despite it being a saturday afternoon — not that kie knew he'd gone out of his way, though. she'd been told ( quite convincingly too ) that it was left behind by one of the cooks after they resigned the week prior & had said that it was available for whoever wanted it. she gives a thoughtful hum in response at first. then, after a few seconds of consideration ( & matched with a slightly bigger smile now ), ❛ i think a ginger beer sounds pretty good. ❜ ❝ got it. back in a sec. ❞ he stacks it all with ease despite the lack of his normal tray, surprisingly swift & comfortable despite how precarious it must seem to someone else.
❛ so, you're finally nice enough to get a girlfriend, ah-woh ren, ❜ comes the cantonese comment from the line cook, chih-ming after he walks into the back. the two were about as close as you'd expect from warren with the other having playfully strong armed his way into what became a pretty positive relationship. & warren could handle a bit of ribbing from a friend without losing his cool. they'd gotten along even better as of late, especially after warren had begun helping out in the kitchen during a rush here & there. chih-ming was also largely the reason warren's cantonese had improved so much. ❝ shut up, ❞ comes an english response, a bit gruff maybe but he's certainly not reacting in anger — & not without a slight twinge of red that dusted the tips of his ears. he drops off the dishes in the sink ( immediately followed by him filling the dishwasher next to it out of sheer habit ). ❝ & she's not actually my girlfriend, ❞ he follows in cantonese after a code switch. ' though i sort of want her to be ' soon appears as a thought swirling through his mind. ❝ i think she could be though... —maybe. ❞
#freezegirl#asks — you have a question & i have an answer#i love them ur honour !!!!!#the first exchange between the smile and warren getting up happens within a few seconds i feel#so they're not just staring into each others eyes for 30 full silent seconds#as much as they might want to lol#about the name i couldn't think of a possible cantonese nick name they might have for warren#so i went with how i imagine warren would be pronounced but without tone indicators on that one bc i'm not at all confident in that#although for chih ming i saw the tone indicator zi3 ming4 while i was looking for possible names#and then the 'ah' prefix is quite common in both chinese and cantonese#and its like a nice informal way to call a friend#at least from what i understand#w. peace. v. 1 — superheroes were born in the minds of people desperate to be rescued#also its so sexy of me to reference that rumour ask i must say <3#i love connecting the dots
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