#pcy chaptered fic

[lovsy-archive]

Sequence [vii]

sequence masterlist

masterlist

chanyeol x reader genre: angst word count: 4.7k

EVENTUALLY

01.23.17

Stagnant. That was how you felt: as if you were wading in thick, mossy water, green in hue against the color of your toes as they wiggled impatiently beneath it.

You could taste it on your tongue- bitter, the smell of rot- sour, the decomposition of your marriage mocking your senses as it lay at your feet, clawing desperately at your legs to gain your attention.

Neglect hissed and spurted as it made contact with your ego, the sound rippling in your ears and you closed your eyes until it lessened, faded away like a background noise; like a song you couldn’t knock out of your head. Only, the song wasn’t catchy, or like a broken track on your brain because you enjoyed it. No, instead it was branded into your thoughts because it burrowed itself into every corner of them.

A constant reminder of things you had done, and the things you had failed to do.

But, regardless, things had managed to improve, even if you held the term in its simplest sense. The neglect was there, evident as ever, gnawing at you and Chanyeol no matter how fervently you swatted it away- like a bug, but it was fading. It was being washed out, rinsed out of your subconscious like you had finally found the sense to hose down your life and let your problems drain into the gutter alongside the dirty water.

You would wake up, him not in your arms but sleeping just beside you, and it was a feeling you’d grown accustomed to- one you learned to appreciate. You would not feel suffocated, not claustrophobic in your own bed as if your entire word would crumble at his skin touching yours, or the lack thereof. You and Chanyeol had found a simple melody, a place in time where you two existed together, but apart; with him and without him, with you and without you.

No longer did he sleep with his spine digging into the couch, and no longer did he sleep with his cheek pressed into the skin of your stomach, but he slept next to you. And it was this warmth that radiated off of his body that lingered onto your own and lulled you to sleep despite the cold whistling outside.

Your days existed separately, coming together only when they had finished themselves to completion, and you found a beautiful solace in the comfort of your apartment, of your home. You had work, and though he had just lost his, it did nothing to deter him. And so you were together, but apart.

Two people, two souls, learning to live alongside each other rather than as one.

It was what you both needed, the comfort lying in the distance, but the solidarity of knowing you two would be there, unwavering and consistent, if need be.

Inherently, you could never deny the truth: the fact that you yearned to feel him despite the way you were glad he wasn’t trying. You knew it in the way your touch lingered across his clothing as you folded it into your dresser, the way you would lay in bed scrolling through your camera roll, disregarding the fact that he laid inches beside you, asleep. It was a force you hadn’t learned to ease, a draw to him that you couldn’t, even after so many years of trying, control.

And so, when Baekhyun called, inviting you and Chanyeol out to a ‘lunch date, yannow, like a normal couple,’ with him and Sumi, you accepted, despite the growing discomfort manifesting at the base of your chest, or the anxieties of sitting next to Chanyeol in public for the first time in months lingering in your fingertips. You accepted only because you knew you’d have to fall into normalcy eventually, that you and Chanyeol would have to start picking up the pieces of your marriage and gluing it together, even if one shard at a time, slowly.

The wind howling in the trees made them sing, their bare branches whipping against the air as if they were quarreling, pushing the balance between the two and swaying back and forth. It was almost metaphoric, the way you could see the branches struggling against the force, the way they nearly snapped in two under the weight they couldn’t control- similar to the way you’d let yourself bend backwards under the pressure of your dwindling marriage.

Chanyeol had nothing to do with it, after a certain amount of time, slowly detaching from the situation. It turned into a battle with yourself, into a plea bargain between your mind and your heart- your heart being the one who was lovesick for forgiveness. Your mind, however, was a stoic wall, unwavering and unforgiving. Your mind remembered everything: every word, every look, every inhale of breath you struggled for when he would throw knives into your chest. Your heart was forgiving, the burn of want blowing smoke straight into your mind and making it impossible to fight is pull.

And so, it was a battle, one that would go on for weeks, a war that was unwilling to come to a close.

You could see the way the snow fell to the ground, melting into puddles of slush as it touched the concrete below, fading away into a dark grey color and becoming mixed with the dirt in between the cracks in the cement. It wasn’t snowing enough to cover anything, not enough to create a blanket of white across the streets, only a small freckle daring to hit the pavement as time prolonged. But still it was cold, and outside it was dark, and the porcelain mug resting between your fingers did little to alleviate the numbness growing into their tips.

The conversations lingering around you were only a buzz in your brain, a mere whisper against the shell of your ear as you watched the people bustling outside of the cafe as they walked along, noses tipped in red and cheeks left dry and bitten from the wind. You tried to ignore everything, tried to submerge yourself into anything besides the way his arm twitched beside you- as if it were fighting itself not to latch onto your thigh. You allowed your eyes to flutter shut, zeroing in on the soft hum of the music echoing across the room and falling into your own world- the world where you were unapologetically and unregrettably happy.

Your fingers lingered against the rim of the cup, swiveling, tense, uncomfortable as you took steady breaths in a weak attempt to calm the sporadic beating in your chest. You could feel him, the way you always did, radiating anxiety, as if his presence in the cafe was turning his insides to push and shooting adrenaline up his arm like heroin.

In the back of your brain laid the memory of his hands- more specifically the way they felt on your hips the night he got back, how they felt as they pushed themselves up your clothing and pressed themselves into your flesh. It made you feel calm, made your eyes flutter open and a smile threaten to tug at the corners of your lips as you focused on the steam that radiated from the tea in your mug.

His voice knocked you out of your trance, brought you back to reality like it always did- the way it reverberated through your nerves like a chorus singing in your bloodstream. Your eyes focused on his, on the way his eyebrows furrowed onto slightly, drawn into his forehead, gaze lingering on you and the way you stared at him blankly. His hair was disheveled, like he had been carding his hands through it all day to release the pounds of tension and pressure from their follicles. You focused especially on his lips, on the way his tongue darted out to soothe their cracks and moved in harmony with the sound of his voice.

“They’re here.”

And so you let your eyes leisure towards the entrance, and they fixated on the way Baekhyun held the door open, Sumi brushing past him with a nod, a blush on her cheeks and a smile glued to her features like it had been there since the moment she woke up.

You remembered when you were like that, too.

You watched them, the way they interacted- how their hands gravitated towards each other like two magnets with polar ends. You envied them, felt a tinge of jealousy in the way they walked over, the way Baekhyun’s nose scrunched as Sumi caringly, gently used her thumb to swipe something from the corner of his lips.

Their greeting was thin, breathless, as if the journey from the car to your table had taken the wind from their lungs and let it evaporate into the atmosphere. You could feel them, their energy, the way they omitted happiness and radiance- almost blinding as they slid into the booth across from you.

“Sorry we’re late, you know how Baekhyun gets.”

She said it with a laugh, and you could see his pout, see the way her smile swallowed her face as she shrugged her coat off of her shoulders and into her lap beneath the table. Only out of the corner of your eye could you see the way Baek’s arm crawled towards her lap, likely ghosting her fingers with his own in secret. It was warm, the atmosphere that radiated from their bodies, the aura that surrounded them- yellow, fiery orange and deep red. It made your hands twitch against your mug, made you fight yourself to keep them at the porcelain instead of retreating into your lap, the fog looming over your brain making you want to curl into a ball forever.

It burned, seeming them, though it definitely shouldn’t have. You and Chanyeol had made progress, the doubt not lingering in the well being of your marriage but rather the well being of your heart. You’d become weary, unsure of how deep you could submerge into Chanyeol again, untrusting of yourself simply of how fully trusting you were of him. You’d come to realise you would cross a busy street if he told you he would be there on the other side. It was this, the undeniable gravitation towards him that had the tips of your fingers numb and your body pulled in as close to the wall as possible.

“We’ve all had to deal with Hyun forcing us to be late at one time or another.”

Chanyeol’s voice, again, radiated across your core, sending a spark of heat to flash across your body, the lump in your throat dissolving like sugar. Air could reach your lungs, simply because he spoke, simply because his words had lingered in the space above your head and seeped deep into your skin.

Baekhyun’s whine is what drew your eyes away from the window, where they had drifted in passing, the sound comforting as it wisped across the table and onto you. He looked at home, his arm draw tight around Sumi’s shoulders like there was no other place it belonged, his back pressed against the booth. You noticed the way he glanced at the side of her face as she studied the menu, the way he kept his eyes locked on her lips and her profile whenever she spoke, gleaming and bright despite their dark color.

You’d missed it. The familiarity of sitting across from Baekhyun, Chanyeol at your side- the normalcy settling deep into your bones and causing a wave of comfort to soothe into your muscles. You let yourself lean into him, into his side as you listened in on Sumi talking about her day, feeling him tense slightly beneath you, like your presence on his skin had jolted him awake out a slumber he was unaware of.

But he melted out of it, and pooled into you like honey, into your touch, grabbing at your flesh like he was trying to make a home of it. You welcome his hand where it rested on your thigh, let your eyes flutter shut as his side pressed into yours and the way you could feel his chest move with laughter as he clapped his free hand against the table- sending a boisterous sound through the vacant diner as it echoed against the walls.

“So, how is it having Chanyeol back?”

The question directed at you was innocent, Sumi likely not being clued in on the way you had been clawing desperately out of the lingering situation, but it made Chanyeol’s hand flinch off of your thigh nonetheless, his arm around you staying, but stiffening all the same. He spoke up beside you, keeping you from having to grit through your teeth as you lied.

“It’s good,” he started, glancing at Baek as if he feared if he looked Sumi in the eye she would read the way he was lying directly to her face, “better than ever.”

You nodded in agreement, the smile on your face feeling as if you’d forced knives into your cheeks to peel them into place. “Much better.”

“Oh perfect, then I won’t feel guilty rambling some more,” Sumi said, reaching for Baekhyun’s hand and grasping it tightly in her own. Your eyes caught the way he rubbed the back of her palm with his thumb, almost comfortingly, his body leaning into hers and his presence becoming more evident at the small booth. “Baekhyun and I actually have some amazing news. Well, at least I think it’s amazing.”

The last bit was teasing, playful as she eyed Baekhyun carefully, scrunching her nose slightly at the way he grinned back at he. You’d almost felt invasive watching them, like you’d been recording a moment designed only for them, like you should be slapped on the wrist for indecency.

The second the words left her tongue, you crashed. All at once, your body convulsed, like every nerve had been asleep and was suddenly jolted awake as her voice ricocheted into your body. Chanyeol went limp beside you, his air stuck in his throat as he glanced between the two of them. You managed your eyes onto Baekhyun, watching as he read the situation, tongue swiping along the inside of his cheek and eyes whirling with an emotion you couldn’t manage to read.

“I’m pregnant!”

You opened your mouth to speak, but you failed. The words got caught on your tongue, burning like acid as they lodged deep in your throat and cut off the circulation to your brain. You could see the world tilting on its axis, your hand subconsciously dropping to your lower stomach as you clenched your jaw to keep the tears from welling in your sockets. Chanyeol was the first to speak up beside you, wrapping his arm around you tighter and pulling you further into his chest, almost like he was attempting to shield you, trying to keep you hidden so you could experience your emotions in full. Only you couldn’t, because the pair was watching you on bated breath, waiting for a congratulations of some kind as you fought yourself to stay put together.

“That really is amazing news, Sumi,” he began, nodding along with his words as if to make them sound more viable, more concrete in theory, “you and Hyun will make amazing parents. I just know it.”

And at that, it became harder to breathe as you nodded alongside him, your cheeks burning as you forced them into a smile wider and your hands dug into the flesh of your thigh.

It was you that was supposed to be receiving these words, you and Chanyeol who should be across from them announcing news to start your family.

You wished it was you.

It should’ve been you.

“Of course,” you started, using every ounce of concentration to force the words out, to make sure they didn’t break and splinter as they slipped off of your tongue, “I’m happy for the both of you.”

From the relief that washed over Baekhyun’s face, your body relaxed, only slightly, that you had managed to pull off the happiness- managed to hide the way your heart was breaking in half beneath your ribs. Chanyeol, beside you, knew better, and you could tell in the way he tightened his grip on your arm and tried his best to soothe you with circles into your shoulder.

The wind outside was still howling, untouched, the snow still falling in spurts, not managing to conceal the floor anymore than before, especially now that everything had turned so dark. You wished, desperately as you clung to your own leg to keep from collapsing in on yourself, that the flurries would take you with them. You watched as they fell, breath coming out in heavy, shallow bursts as the flakes melted into the ground, not strong enough to stay whole. You felt a lot like the snow that dissipated into the concrete, like you were too weak, too fragile to remain complete- as if you would, too, melt into the ground if Chanyeol let you.

After a long time, seconds, even minutes of conversation continuing, numbing responses leaving your mouth without the acknowledgement of their meaning, your hands grasped the mug, now cold from neglect, and pulled it closer to you. The ring on your left finger felt hot, like it was charring through your flesh and threatening grey ash onto your bones as it lingered. It felt mocking, like the glint of light it reflected from the soft lamps above you had purpose: to shine into you and make you burn from the inside out. Sumi had no ring, no binding of her life to Baekhyun’s, and yet she got what you’d always wanted- got a life growing inside her despite how little she had worked for it.

You knew, in your mind, that you were being selfish. You should have been happy for Baekhyun and Sumi, the happiness oozing off of them seemingly being enough to seep into you and consume your otherwise negative thoughts, but it only spurred you on farther, deeper into the pit of your anxieties and neglect.

You were drowning, and again, it was because of yourself.

The sun began to hide behind the horizon when Baekhyun and Sumi excused themselves, your eyes feeling dry and stinging as you blinked up at them. You didn’t know how long you’d zoned out- clearly long enough for the sky to fall, and you apologized to them for it, though you weren’t sorry. You couldn’t help the bitterness that washed over you as you hugged her, knowing there was a life inside of her that you felt you deserved more.

Baekhyun’s body held you closer than usual, his arms tightening around you firmer and longer than he would’ve any other day, because he could see that you were lost. He could see in the way you watched people through the window, as you twisted the ring on your finger absent-mindedly, that you were everywhere but in that cafe. Anywhere but sitting across from the people that had taken something from you that you’d been wanting for months, years even. He knew, and that’s why he hugged you longer, hoping it would cauterize the wound that had been slashed open, bleeding onto the floor in a puddle.

Your eyes glued to your fingers as you slid back in the booth, Chanyeol sitting across from you now and taking your hands in his. You fought yourself not to flinch away, not to put up the walls you so gruelingly took down to let him back in, to let him hold you and comfort you and help you when you needed him the most.

The warmth radiated off of him, like he was a beacon and you were the sea he projected into, vast, dark, cold. He watched you shut down, watched as your body went catatonic against the words running behind your eyes as they stared blankly at where your bodies connected. He wanted to help you, wanted to pull you out from the water before you drowned, but he knew he couldn’t. He could try, but it was only you that could save yourself, only you that could allow yourself to swim to the top, to take in the air you needed to survive.

Because he was only a lifeboat, and you had to want to float to board it.

“I can’t breathe.”

Your voice came out, but barely, broken, like it was cutting your vocal chords as it lingered into the air. He held your hands tighter, smoothing over them with the pads of his fingers as he nodded, watching you.

“I know, baby. I know. I’m sorry I can’t-”

“No, Chanyeol. It hurts to breathe. I need to get out of here.” Your voice was thick, reverberating from deep within your chest as you tried to swallow down the lump in your throat, failing. “Please take me home.”

He stared at you, eyes blown and concern drawing his eyebrows together, scanning your face as if he was looking for a scratch on the side of a car. And then he was nodding, and on his feet, and swallowing thickly and carding his fingers through his hair as if he’d just been told he had seconds to escape before the walls caved in on him. His arm was around your shoulder, leading you out of the diner and walking you to where he parked your car, trying his best to shield your body from the biting winds as silent tears spilled down your cheeks and blew into your hair with force.

He was silent, you were silent, as he tucked you into his side and waited for the light to turn red and signal you across the street. He could feel your body shake, with tears or because of the low temperatures he couldn’t tell, though he hoped it was the latter for the sake of your well being- even if he knew it wasn’t.

The tears burned as they streamed, hot and bitter against the chapped skin of your cheeks, your face pressing into his body and nuzzling deep there, legs nearly on top of his own as you pushed further and further into his chest. You wished, in that moment, that everything would cease to exist. That you, Chanyeol, and everything else would vanish into thin air- that the heartbreak would be something that you never had to think about again. Standing there, heart beating so heavily in your chest it felt as if it were cracking your ribs in half, you’d wished you plainly didn’t exist.

At least that way you wouldn’t have to think about the almosts, and the could’ve beens.

And he could sense this. He knew you, knew the way your hands lay limp at your sides that you’d been overcome with a sense of nothingness. The way you cried silently, not broken, not splintered, but silent, sullen, vacant. Had he not known better he would think you’d been paralyzed, the way the liquid poured down your cheeks and into his clothing as you did nothing to wipe it away.

All he could do was pull you with him as he crossed the street, keep his arm wrapped tightly around your shoulder, and guide you home.

You stayed silent. In the car, on the way home, even as Chanyeol tried talking to you, you had no words. Nothing you felt the need to say, no construction of letters that you deemed fit to let mock you in the air around your head. Drawing your legs up to your chest, you leaned yourself against the window, curled as tightly as possible into the door and let your eyes shut, squeezed together so tight you could see the galaxies swirling beneath them, wanting nothing more to become a star, a part of the cosmos and away from the pain.

At a red light, he turned to you, and reached out for you, but you stayed away. You kept your eyes shut and your arms wrapped firmly around your knees. You could hear him sigh, feel the way he tensed beside you as he leaned back into the chair and gripped the steering wheel, but you couldn’t help but stay mute.

“Please don’t shut me out.”

He had pulled into the parking garage of your apartment and shut the car off, the only sounds filling your ears being his breathing and the hum of the engine as it purred to sleep. Your words clawed at your throat as they came up, like a creature living at the base of your ribs and filling your lungs with air as they expanded. You looked at him, for the first time since you left the diner, and your heart dropped in your chest. He looked tired. No, not tired, exhausted, like you had sucked the last bit of life out of him and left him alone to wither away into dust. Your legs straightened out beneath you and you turned into him, pulling your hand up and pressing it to his cheek.

Watching at the way his eyes fluttered shut and the way his face nudged into your palm, you felt overwhelmed with guilt. You’d neglected him, ignored him, shut him out even though he was doing everything he could to help you. You were like a leech, one that would keep sucking him dry until he finally squashed you beneath his shoe and found someone else.

“I don’t deserve you.”

His eyes shot open, and his hand grasped at yours and he pulled you closer to him, as close as he could get with the console in between you two.

“God, no,” he started, taking your hand and pressing it against his chest, using his free one to push your hair behind your ear and cup your cheek, “you are everything I want in life. You. Only you. Please,” his voice was breaking, cracking with strain as he let his thumb ghost across your lips, “please know that I love you.”

You stared at him. For as long as you could recall, you watched, breathed him in, let your forehead rest against his and inhaled everything. You could have stayed like that forever, in his touch, with his body so close to yours it was as if you were one, his breath fanning across your lips and reminding you of the reasons you were with him in the first place. He was everything to you, and more, and you’d learned your lesson the last time you lost him to never let him go again.

And so you didn’t.

You pressed your lips to his, and let yourself melt into his touch, savoring the way his lips molded perfectly into yours and sent shocks of electricity across your body. It was something you would never get used to- the way you reacted so fervently to him. Keening, clawing, prying, you groped at his body for more, yearned for his skin against yours as you opened yourself up to him, pulled him deeper into you, and tasted him longer on your tongue.

It hurt, and you were in pain, and the tears still threatened the back of your eyes, and the creature still clawed at your chest as he clawed at your hips, but you held it back. Held it back because you were willing to put it all behind you if it meant starting over, if it meant finally being happy again, finally having him again.

In the elevator you were feverish, tugging at the bottom of his shirt like your life depended on it, heart cracking beneath the pressure of his hands but being glued back together by the pressure of his lips on your skin. You were overwhelmed, with both pain and passion, and you’d decided it was time the pain faded away, that it was time for you to finally submerge yourself back into your marriage and to stop letting the past control everything.

You couldn’t help it anymore, couldn’t stop the way you felt as if your world was going to implode on itself if you weren’t on him, if you weren’t latched so tightly onto him you would fly away without him as your tether. Because even after everything, after the way you’d been ripped apart piece by piece until you were nothing but snowflakes melting into the concrete, you forced yourself whole. You decided to swim to the top of the ocean, decided to cling onto him as he kept you afloat.

You decided it was time to live again.

↫  previous chapter | next chapter ↬

[yeolhyunabode]

okay but power bottom! bbh and service top! yeol

[thechanbaeklibrary]

Fic Search #47

1.  Anonymous asked: Ho, i hope you are doing good. And welcome back. ☺I am looking for a fic where chanbaek are college student and has a dysfunctional family, especially baekhyun's father is a bit abusive. And he hits baekhyun on the face and it brings scar across his face. Chanyeol mend it and all that. Can you help me find this fic?

2. Anonymous asked: Any fanfic where chanyeol pretend like he is innocent boy in front of baek it in real life he is strong,kinky, fearless and a boy with many secrets and fantasy

2.a. Anonymous asked: Hii lovelies CAN you recommend any fic where cy pretend to be a shy , nerd boy in front of baek but in reality he is kind of dangerous strong with lot of secrets and fantasy.fanfic with fluff smut and angst

3.  Anonymous asked: hi !!! im glad you're back <3 i was looking for this fic from forever ago. chanyeol works in the hospital with yixing i think, and Baekhyun is a superhero with the hero name Lux. i can't seem to find it

LVMEN-IN-OBSCVRO by t_dragon

4.  Anonymous asked: Hi! I would like to know if you guys know about a fanfic that was posted I think on ao3 or aff, the fanfic was about Baekhyun omega and his brother Jungkook alpha, the fanfic was in the universe of The Hunger Games and Jungkook was chosen, but Baekhyun decided to go instead of him, a part of exo was watching him through a screen and they were intersted. if I'm not mistaken the fanfic has around 60 chapters. please help me and give me an answer, i was very interested in this fanfic, but i lost it

The poison is too far in by Gigi_Bell

5.  Anonymous asked: Hello dear, I wanted to find this fic where pregnant bbh dials the wrong number to order a pizza. He dialed mafia pcy by mistake. Later it turns out that pcy lost his memory and forgot that he married bbh and he's pregnant..i think pcy dad was protecting bbh

the mafia boss who delivered pineapples by cbmilks

6.  Anonymous asked: hi! im looking for an ABO fic where baekhyun was gifted (sent to his home) to chanyeol for his birthday (?) i think and he accidentally imprints on baekhyun making him his partner which chanyeol was not happy about. kyungsoo was a doctor on this fic too. theres also a scene where chanyeol helps baekhyun through his first heat cycle. thank you so much!

Accidentally Perfect by ChrisArrow

7.  Anonymous asked: Hi..I wanted to find this fic...it was a soulmate au where Chanyeol always thought baekhyun's cousin was his soulmate. Baekhyun loves him but Chanyeol was oblivious. Later Baekhyun founds out that his soulmate is Chanyeol but is heart brokened about how Chanyeol thinks only about his cousin..at the end they do end up together

the definition of everything by towardsthestars

8.  Anonymous asked: fics where baekhyun leaves chanyeol for success or money. or something along those lines?

Tweetfic by ravencloey

9.  Anonymous asked: Hello mods ! Hope you’re having a wonderful day :) I’m looking for this fic, I think it was a college au where chanbaek were best friends and at the end Baek gives Chan a broccoli because he couldn’t find flowers ??? I don’t remember much of it, just that I was really funny and Sehun was kinda crazy in it,

Rollercoaster by rofawkes

10.  Anonymous asked: Hi !! Sorry to bother you 😅 actually I'm looking for a fic, I think ChanYeol is a professional photographer, and BaekHyun is a businessman and he's cousin with kyungsoo I think... in this fic BaekHyun is not gay and ChanYeol falls in love with him... oh and they meet in Paris! I really hope I can find this fic I've been looking for it since 2020 haha ​​😂 thank you and kiss you 😘

11.  Anonymous asked: Hi admin Jackie! Thank you for keeping this blog running on your own. Do take care of your health. Theres this fic that i've been searching it's chanbaek going on an arrange date but then Baek was forced to because he lost a bet with his cousins Chen & Suho then he gets 1 million won from his aunt and turns out Yeol was faking his identity as Sehun but then the date went so well and they ended up hooking up at Yeol's place then Baek ended up pregnant and then he found out Yeol was lying to him.

[DELETED] tweetfic by neezwritesexo

12. uniquewolfherringhound-deactiva asked: Hello, have a nice day. I am very grateful to you. but can you help me find a Chanbaek fanfiction title about Luhan who framed Baekhyun, making Baekhyun get bullied at his campus. At first, Baekhyun was Sehun's girlfriend. but because luhan spread gossip bitch made baekhyun and sehun break up. Then Chanyeol's mafia came to protect him. I hope you understand what I'm looking for. thank you very much. I am waiting for your reply.

13.  Anonymous asked: hello do you know the fic where it was valentines day but then sehun was staying over at baek & yeol's home? i remember about sehun dreaming about racoons when cb were fcking lol thank you!

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

sorry to bug you but I’ve been off tumblr for a long time and idk who else to ask in fic community that is still active… I know you’re not a big pcy stan but I’m looking for 2 fics but I’m afraid the authors have deleted & I can’t remember titles or who wrote them… both are chaptered, one is a fake dating au where cy models for yn’s photography and she pretends to be his gf so his parents will leave him alone about an ex. the other is where yn, cy, and sehun are hackers and former friends, cy lures yn in to help him on a mission and they get together in the end. if you don’t know which ones I’m talking about, maybe your followers do? again sorry to bug you :( hope you’re doing well, I’m making my way through your mlist again!

Does anyone know these fics??

[wotakois]

☼Sunshine’s truest form☼

[fuckyeahexofics]

Fic Search #210

1.

191027. Hi! Thank you so much for putting your hard work to make this page up and running ❤️ I just want to ask for the fic where Jongin is an omega working as a kindergarten teacher and he adopted pup Baekhyun and Sehun is his alpha mate and they first met in a laundry shop. I forgot the title of the fic

2. 

 191028. Hello! I first read this fic on AO3. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are best friends but Kyungsoo ends up rooming with Chanyeol instead of Baek. Baekhyun and Chan meet and they start acquiring feelings for each other. When they went out partying Chanyeol and Kyungsoo ended up sleeping together because they were so drunk and didn't realize who the other was. It meant nothing to either of them and Baekhyun didn't speak to either of them when he found out. Happy ending BaekChan!

3. Rookie Boy by memefucker69

191030. Hi! How are you? I think tumblr ate my ask :( I'm looking for a kaisoo fic I red a long ago, I searched in your tags but couldn't find it. The plot was about Jongin liking vainilla sex and Kyungsoo wanting to try new things together. Then Jongin finds a website with nsfw posts and realizes he's into pet play. When Kyungsoo finds out he dresses up to surprise him and Jongin loves it. It was a short story, I think it has two chapters. Thanks a lot!!!

4.

191109. hi! i don't know if you cover tweetfics/sns aus as well but i'll try my luck. there was this sekai sns au i've read late 2017/early 2018. sehun was a photographer while kai is a model/influencer. there was this part wherein they were watching netflix and baekhyun found them the next day sleeping facing each other while holding hands. hope you can help me find this fic! thank you!

5. In Theory by annafeu

191110. Hiii! I'm looking for a fic I read some time ago. Sekai highschool/ or collage au. Kai gets curios about fingering but are not sure how to do it. Sehun then helps him because they are bff. A lot of trial and error. In one scene they are at sehuns house, in his hallway and Sehun tie Kai up and fucks him with his moms vibrator. In the end they become boyfriends.

6. 

191113. pcyxvl. Hi, I was wondering if you could help me find one fic, it was chanbaek and it probably is on ao3. In it bbh and pcy were together but pcy died and bbhs friends, jongdae, sehun, and jongin tried to help him cope with it and at some point in the story he slept with them, but previously one day he got a phone call and it was from pcy, but a different one? From a different world or smth, and they talked a lot and nobody wanted to belive bbh, and at the end they got together. Ill be very thankful!!!

7.

191113. Hi! I’ve been looking for this krisho pwp fic which i think was on ao3, where junmyeon is a dom and kris is a sub. there’s quite a bit of temperature play and junmyeon uses wax. i kind of remember a scene where kris asks for wax on his balls?

8. 

191116. Hello Admins!! I have been trying to find this fic to no avail. It's a kaibaek-focused babysitters!au. It basically follows the plot of the movie The Babysitters with Baekhyun being the dad in an unhappy marriage and Jongin being the babysitter turn call girl. It has to be several years old. I think it was on either lg or aff. If anyone knows the title or if it's even still available I will be so so soooo grateful.

9. Star Light, Star Bright by  nikka14 [warning!!! miscarriage]

191116. kpoopfan. hello.. I hope that I'm not bothering you but I just wanted to ask if you could help me find this fic? its a chanbaek one with baekhyun as a girl, they are friends but baekhyun has feelings for chanyeol and they have a one night stand and baekhyun became pregnant, could you help me find it please and thank you :)

10.

191120. Hi there admins! I'm looking for an angsty Baekyeol fic I read a while ago and I've been searching everywhere but I just can't seem to find it... It was a kind of famous!AU and Chanyeol hates Baekhyun at first. Baekhyun owns an entertainment company that's not doing too well and he is desperate for trainees and Chanyeol owns a very successful entertainment company and I definitely remember it being called Loey Entertainment or Loey The first scene is of Baekhyun at a club trying to get trainees to join his company but no one wants to because the company is not doing well. I also remember chan and baek used to be friends and Baek betrayed him that’s why Chanyeol hates him… I seem to remember it being on AO3 but it might have been on LJ. I’m like 80% sure it was on AO3. Sehun was also in the fic, he was a trainee and he played a pretty big role at the start… Key words/specific scenes… I’m not 100% sure of the tags or if it even was tagged but it could be angst, drama… yeah that’s all I got lol… I am sorry if this fic is already on your blog, I looked through all the relevent tags and I couldn’t find anything, unless I missed it! Also sorry for rambling lol I would be SO happy if you somehow manage to find it with your magic powers! Thank you and love your blog!

thank you nonys, @keziainafreakland and x5yn4k4x!

[yeoldontknow]

I started reading Time Runner bc @dark-muse-iris reccd on her frec blog. I totally get what she's saying about MC, but, man, I'm completely hooked. I've recently started to lose my feels to PCY, and the way you write him in this is not helping LOL It feels very masculine but also very gentle and youthful at the same time. It's really difficult to do that in fics. I just wanted to say I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. This is a gem!

as;alsfaisfi @dark-muse-iris thank you for send this angel to me ! ahhh thank you so much for these sweet words anon! every chapter of TR feels like a big risk when im writing it because its so different and unusual, and also....a challenge when the characters arent immediately loveable the way wed normally expect in fic. IM SO HAPPY IM EXACERBATING YOUR CHANYEOL FEELS. pls this is why i am here, to ruin every woman for his beefy arms and boyish grin. and honestly, more seriously, thank you so much for pointing out that you like his characterization. you sound like a writer? idk just the way you seem to know its hard to manage that kind of duality, especially in a fic full of twists and turns and my weak heart loving him so much i just want to make him lovely and perfect the whole way through lmao

ahhhh thank you anon! you are the gem!!

[baekyeol-fics]

[Fic Search] #23

1. I read this fic on AFF a few months ago, but I can’t find it anymore. It’s about this world where some people are considered less than people and called “trash” Baekhyun was one of them and became a servant to Chanyeol. Chanyeol made Baekhyun do stuff just to mess with him, but he eventually fell in love with him. I hope this is enough for you to help me find it. Thanks!

2. Hi i an looking for a fanfic i had read a while ago but i forget the title it was about baekhyun and luhan being brothers but they didn't know and one day baek get pregnant and they all were shocked because he's male and cant get pregnant but then luhan get preg also and the doctor said they are special same as their parent (i guess the parent was jongkey) i think its hunhan fic and chanbaek as side pairing 😓

3. baby put a ring on it (draft status) hiiii ive been following your account for a long time now. Thank you for keeping it active at most times lmao. Anyway, this is just a dumb question bc i just reread this like last week but cant find it haha. Baekhyun was wearing lip gloss at that time, he's in the car with yeol and then yeol pointed it out then commented about baek's habit of smoking and he wants to stop bc he doesnt want the taste of it when they kiss? I think this is the chapter 1 of it lol or was it a one shot? Idk. Thank you

4. More power to y'all admins! Anyway, i read this recently and i forgot it. I dont remember much about the actual plot but i do remember the scene where baekhyun had a lot to drink the night before and chanyeol brought him home? The morning came and baek had a massive headache and urge to puke but yeol is there to give him water, with a straw. I think baek likes to do have hookups too in that fic

5. you belong with me I was looking for a chanbaek fic. Baek had a gf but was dumped before prom. Baek attended prom but left early. He was found by Sehun and friends who were motorcycle riders. Baek became a prize for the race and CY won. Please help. :)

6. Hey! I finally got my chance. I've been trying to recall this fic and I'm pretty sure it's from AFF. It's about CY being a CEO while BH was his husband and secretary and they were a having a steamy scene at CY's office. I really wanted to read this fic again but just can remember the title. Btw, thank you for all the your effort in running this site. Thank you really!

7. Hello!! I've been looking for a fic, it was highschool!au and chanbaek were kind of fwb I think and one night Chanyeol sneaked in Baekhyun's bed through the window to cuddle with him (or something along these lines). Thank you for your time!!

8. Odd hewwooo im looking for a royalty au where baekhyun is a king and he has a wife but has an affair with chanyeol??? i remember that theyre also twins like chan and yeol. the twins and baekhyun are also siblings if i am not mistaken. thank you in advance uwu

9. Something Borrowed hi! i asked before i feel like my description was all over the place lol im looking for a best friends to lovers fic where chanyeol kept his feelings from baek but then baekhyun started dating either sehun or jongdae and i think at baekhyuns party, baekhyun was being really mean to chanyeol and then chanyeol confessed to baekhyun out of heartbreak/anger and then baekhyun realized he had feelings for chanyeol. i think it may have been on ao3 or aff but im not sure :(

10. Hello! So glad it’s open again, and I’ve been waiting to ask this but do any of you lovely admins know a fic where.. well I don’t remember much, but it was a really angsty one shot. Pcy was begging bbh to let him go so he can move on because bbh doesn’t love him anymore and bbh has moved on so pcy wants to too. But bbh makes him stay almost everytime and gets to have smex with him, until it’s revealed that bbh still really does love channie but has major problems. Yeah, um, it’s a oneshot. Thx!

[lovsy-archive]

Sequence [vi]

sequence masterlist

masterlist

chanyeol x reader genre: angst word count: 7.9k

EVER AFTER

01.17.17

The weight in the air had finally settled, coating your skin like a thin mist glazing the petals of a rose on a morning in the winter. It no longer clung to your throat, like molasses sticking to the inside of a mason jar, and no longer made your head feel light as you gasped for your lungs to inflate deep within your chest. The face pressed against your stomach, alongside the breath fanning against your skin, made the skin buzz, your nerves blossoming into butterflies, Monarchs as they danced along the bones of your ribcage.

It had taken longer than you’d wanted, the strenuous journey spanning over months of crippling and agonizing pain, air ripping at your throat as you sobbed helplessly into a sweater he’d forgetfully left behind. All of this, eventually- finally, gone. You could breathe. You could exist. You could live your life without the constant numbing reminder of his absence, without the thought of him no longer caring about you eating away at your brain and liquidating all of your insides. You no longer felt like you were playing a game of Russian Roulette, the barrel of the gun pointed at your temple no longer being held by Park Chanyeol, the trigger no longer seconds from clicking, your life no longer seemingly bordering a thin line of existence.

Despite this freedom he continued to consume you just the same, but it was no longer a consumption of your inhibitions and motivations to thrive, to exist. Now, instead, lying in his embrace as the sun broke across the darkness of the sky, it was the consumption of your love, of the words on your tongue and the air settling deep in your lungs.

You’d thought a lot about it, about the way you felt while he was gone and the sudden wave of trauma that crashed into you the moment he returned, the moment he walked through the door of your apartment and back into your life. It triggered everything, every emotion you kept welled inside of you, every memory you had tried to desperately ignore, flooding back like a merciless tsunami- you being the small, underpopulated island it chose to consume whole. Your close friends had told you, promised you it was just a phase, that it would make you stronger and more in love, that distance makes the heart grow fonder. They even went as far as to tell you that the second Chanyeol got home it would be like nothing ever happened, like no pain ever existed.

You’d been forced to think about the way your life with Chanyeol had been ripped from your grasp, despite how vehemently you tried putting it behind you- your family’s constant anticipation of a baby gnawing at your mind, phone calls towards you from great aunts always completely gushing about how they couldn’t wait until Chanyeol got home so you could finally expand your life. All this did was make you feel like you’d be better off ripping a hole in your insides, that it would burn less than the incessant reminder that you couldn’t be a family, couldn’t be what you always wanted to be.

Eventually, you decided on your own, after hours of being your own lifeboat, that love is the only thing that can effectively kill you, but force you to be alive to feel it. You’d be pummeled, crushed into the ground like the dirt beneath the sole of someone’s heels, and you would be alive. It would overwhelm you, it would assault every sense you could experience like an atomic bomb going off right at your feet, and it would force you into nothingness.

But you would survive it, and you would feel it.

All of it.

And it was this fact that kept you grounded, continued to push yourself to take advantage of the good moments, to cherish the times where you didn’t feel broken, or like you were grasping at straws to stay upright. You’d been through it all, experienced the worst of it as you hugged yourself at night, cried to yourself before bed, and reminded yourself that you were stronger than the weakness threatening to pull you under. Through this, you found yourself, and you found the way you would no longer let anything break you.

The way the morning crept over you was different, warmer, optimistic in essence as the sun peeked through the clouds and illuminated the corners of your darkened apartment. After weeks of snow and slush, you’d decided it was metaphoric, the way the sky parted just for the light to beam down onto you, to cast a golden glow onto the back of the man sleeping in your arms. His skin reflected the rays, sending them bouncing across your white walls and shining into your eyes, where your eyelashes fluttered gently against your cheek, welcomed and appreciated. You could feel the way his breath tickled your skin, the strands of hair sticking up against his head and brushing into your collarbones, waves of aftershocks tingling down your spine.

Finally, you could feel content. The weight of his body on you no longer pressed into you vindictively, the skin flush against yours no longer feeling like an iron had been scalded into your flesh. The smell of burning skin no longer blistered your nose, the feeling now appreciated, comforting as it remained. You let your eyes flutter shut, let your body mold into his, let your breath settle deep in your lungs and let your chest open into his embrace. Running through his hair, your fingers worked nimbly, gently as they tugged at the ends of the thick chunks and watched as they stood straight up, malleable from damage and bleach. He stirred beneath you, remnants of the morning settling into the wrinkles in his forehead as you continued to massage his scalp. A groan vibrated against his chest and rattled into your pelvis, his body positioned between your legs, as if they’d been built to slot there by nature.

“How are you always up before me?” His voice was thick with fatigue, gravelly and deep as if he’d been yelling for hours on end. It was a delectable sound, his morning voice, one that you’d craved for months, one that you’d regretfully missed out on during the entirety of his absence. Your lips curved upwards at his question, a smile pressing into your cheeks as you fought it off, his words flowing across your skin like honey. Silent, you ghosted the tip of his ear, letting your fingertips graze his profile as his eyes remained shut, arms wrapping tighter around your waist.

“You’d sleep until desert if I let you, Park Chanyeol.” Your tone held no force, mockingly playful and scolding as you tugged gently on his ear, which was now red with the blush that spread across his body. A grin consumed his features, the morning no longer evident on his face as he pressed his chin into your bare stomach. You keened, wiggling out of his gasp at the roughness of the stubble adorning his face, your skin likely growing red and irritated as he burrowed himself into you.

“No,” you began, squirming beneath him, brows sewn together as you pushed your palms beneath his jaw as a barrier, “no way. Go shave. I’m not doing this again.”

He laughed. That loud, time altering laugh that consumed every drop of blood in your veins and absorbed every ounce of oxygen that expelled from your lungs. Simply, you’d missed it, desperate to hear the sound again and again, on repeat and echoing in your ears for the rest of your life. You would do anything to hear it, to be reminded of the joy that overwhelmed his body as he tried his best to control his limbs. You could feel his heart beating against your hips, his body shaking softly with the remaining jolts of laughter as you brought your hands back into his hair, threading your fingers through the strands at the nape of his neck and tugging his head playfully.

Everywhere, in every young adult novel, every rom-com that aired on any television station, you’d been taught that you take the things you have for granted. The age old motto you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, the constant reminder to cherish the things in your life, because they’re variables, replaceable, inconsistent in essence.

In time, though, you learned that this was a lie.

You learned that, by the instinct of human nature, we know exactly what we have. We love what we have, our hearts swell over the people in our lives, over the affections we are showered in, cherishing the moments we are given and holding them close to our hearts as they beat in our chests to the rhythm of our partner’s. It’s not that we didn’t know the things were were given, did not reminisce in them enough, took them for granted. Rather, we never expect to have to go through the loss of them.

No, by nature, we expect the happiness to stay in our lives, to be irremovable and to hover in our chests just like an organ we need to survive. This, this concept of irrefutable love and presence, is what catches us by surprise, what takes us by the throat and cuts off the oxygen fighting its way to our lungs: when the thing we had is ripped from our grasp. That’s where life gets you.

When you lose it all.

And that was exactly how you had been forced to feel, two months ago, when Chanyeol was metaphorically and literally taken from your grasp, whisked from your embrace and hidden in the shadows away from your love.

Now, though, you found yourself indebted to him. Now, you were replenished, put back together by the simplicity of the way he pressed his lips into the skin of your stomach. And despite the stubble, despite the growing redness blushing across where he’d kiss, you couldn’t manage the thought of a better place than there, with him against you, with him with you.

“I really,” he said, mumbling against your skin as he re-positioned his body and nuzzled his face deep into the crook of your neck, “really don’t want to shave.”

Your fingers threaded themselves through his air, like a second nature as you relished in the soft, barely-there pressure of his lips against the veins in your neck as you held him. If someone would have told you months ago, on the day you held your phone to your ear and your doctor’s voice rang loud in your head, vision going black with exasperation, that you would manage to feel so light, so breathless with him pressed against you, you would have laughed. It all seemed so distant at the time, the idea of happiness, the tranquility you felt in his arms, in your bed, in your home.

Feeling his hands grazing your ribcage brought you back to the present, callous and rough as he pushed his muscles into it, the weight of him feeling comforting, no longer making you burn with discomfort but instead tingle with want and adrenaline.

“You have to bubs,” you said softly, words barely reaching an audible level, nearly gasping as he began to scrape his teeth against your collarbones and seemingly expel the oxygen from your lungs, “it’s making me itchy.”

And so he whined, and keened, and nibbled at your skin, until you were left suppressing moans into his shoulder. It went on for awhile, longer than you thought you could handle without turning into a puddle of mush, as the burn in the pit of your stomach increased with each breath that fanned across your neck, with each graze of his teeth against your skin. It was something you craved, something you dined on now that he was in your arms: the way your body reacted to him. It was vehement, uncultured, and uncontrolled. Without his touch, you had turned cold, mind separated from body as your days stretched into weeks which multiplied into months. Now, you were whole. You were you. And you were on fire beneath him.

“What if,” he began after a long moment, his voice no longer laced with the remnants of waking up as he held himself propped onto his elbows to look down at you, “you did it for me?” His cheeks hung down against his face, gravity working against them and making them appear swollen and puffy, in addition to the fatigue still lingering in his complexion. He grinned down at you, a toothless smile as he brushed your cheekbone with his thumb and began kissing every part of your face: your eyebrows, your nose, your cupid’s bow, your jaw.

The smile that flooded your features pinched at your cheeks and shut your eyes so tightly you could practically see stars in your field of vision. Your stomach churned, like you were being touched for the first time and the boy above you was your first love. In hindsight, Chanyeol was not your first love, but he was your last.

“What if I cut you?”

He shrugged his shoulders, only slightly as he kissed your lips slowly, languidly, lovingly, and then pulling away. “Consider it karma.”

The way the sun crept through the blinds of your bathroom window cast a stream of gold onto Chanyeol’s skin, your legs wrapped around his waist as he led you inside. Setting you down, your knees wobbled slightly beneath you as you regained your balance, using Chanyeol’s thigh as he sat down on the counter to steady yourself. His skin was soft and warm, the stubble textured over it as you rubbed shaving cream across his face. His legs dangled off the side of the counter, so long they nearly touched the floor as you positioned yourself directly between them, his hands holding tightly onto your hips as you focused on the way you covered his skin. You could hear his breathing, feel the pulse of his heart in his fingertips as he squeezed the flesh of your sides, see the way his eyes fixated on your movements, dialing in on the way your lip caught between your teeth in concentration and pulling your body closer into him.

Everything around you was warm, buzzing with serenity as you focused on gliding the blades over the soft structure of his face. You felt loved, appreciated as his hands slid under your shirt- his shirt, warm and caressing against your skin. Despite the temperature your body radiated, despite the heat emitting off of your skin, his hands were hot, burning against you, leaving behind trails of goosebumps in their wake as they ghosted the sides of your ribcage.

Gently, softly, you led the razor drag across the curve of his neck, caressing his jugular, the skin becoming exposed as you removed the shaving cream from it. He swallowed, his adam’s apple bouncing in his throat as his tongue swiped out to lick his lips, head tilted back but eyes fixated on your every move. Bringing your lip between your teeth, your eyes narrowed slightly, rinsing the blade off in the sink beside you and letting it drag across the arches of his skin, dipping into the slight curve of his cheekbones and exploring the indents of his jaw.

His hands stayed on you, glued to your hips, firm and squeezing as your fingertips ghosted his neck, keeping his head tilted in position with no real force guiding them. The tension floating in their air was pliant, evident as it seeped into his skin and took on a different hue, absorbing the vividness of the room and adapting to its colors. Your eyebrows drew together in concentration, finding a way, any way to distract yourself from the words you could see sitting on the tip of his tongue, the furrow in his brow a spotlight on the thoughts bubbling incessantly behind his brain. Your stomach clenched in anticipation when his mouth parted open, when his breath left his lungs and fanned into the space just above your head.

“I’m sorry.”

His voice rang deep in your ears, made the muscles in your hand twitch as the blade froze centimeters away from his jaw. You knew what they meant, the weight they carried behind them as they floated through the air, like rain clouds soaked with water, waiting to flood the anticipating land beneath them. Your morning had been tranquil, dreamlike, not a care to be found as you left lingering touches against each other’s skin. You’d wished he hadn’t of said anything, stayed silent as he enjoyed the way your fingers grazed his skin softly, the grip your left hand had on his thigh to keep you steady as you outlined the bones of his jawline.

But he hadn’t.

And your head spun, and your knees wobbled beneath you as you dug your fingers into the flesh of his leg to stay upright.

“I don’t think-”

“Chanyeol, please…” You sounded desperate, your head falling to look down at his lap as your eyes squeezed shut. You swallowed down the lump in your throat as the headache came on, his words triggering the flood of anxiety and heartbreak to course through your veins and pound against the inside of your skull. It was over: the fighting, the heartbreak, the words, the explanations. You wanted to move on, to live your life with Chanyeol like you did before, as best as you could, to be absorbed into the fantasy that you so desperately clung to. Instead of acknowledging him, you detached your hands from his skin, ignoring the way his grip on your hips tightened as you rinsed the blade in the sink to your left and ignoring the ferocity of the heartbeat in your chest.

“I wouldn’t be able to survive the loss of you.”

Your mouth went completely dry, brain hammering against your skull as you looked up at him, eyes open and blown out, not daring to blink, not daring to miss a moment of expression that detailed his features. You couldn’t help the way your lips parted open, your breath fanning against his face and his grip on your body firmer, your hands trembling as you put the razor down and grabbed onto his knees for balance.  The words were thick in the air, like unintentional knives splitting into your skin and letting your insides pool to the floor beneath you. You stammered, your response begging to come out but getting stuck, lodged in your throat like you’d swallowed it whole.

You didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to feel as Chanyeol told you the sentence you’d yearned to hear since you met him. For weeks, for months you’d felt he could go without you, that he could exist just as simply if you weren’t there, that his life would remain just the same even if you were no longer a daily part of it. And now, he was giving you what you needed, breathing into you the words you’d looked for for so long, bringing back the color in your skin and mending the cracks of your heart.

You could only think of one thing to say, only one thought plaguing your mind at the idea of living a life without him beside you.

“You won’t have to.”

His hands left your hips, left your body for only seconds before cupping your face, dragging you slowly into him and pressing his lips onto yours, like it was the only thing left in the world to do. It was deep, resonating inside of your chest and burning into your bones as it blurred the line in your brain between real life and fantasy. It felt like something you’d only dreamt about in the past weeks, the layers being peeled back of love and heartbreak, unravelling against his touch. You could feel the burn in your nose, your eyes welling at the way his hand slid beneath your jaw and pushed his mouth further onto you, like you were too far away, like any distance between you was like an axe wedging you apart. Your body gravitated forward, flush against his hips as you wrapped your arms around his neck and sighed deeply into his touch.

“I love you,” he muttered as your lips detached, immediately finding their way to his neck as you dragged them against the bones in his jaw. You pushed your body onto him, your chest tight against his own as his fingers dug deeper into your skin, bruises of his hands sure to be left in the wake of his grip the moment you’d wake up the next morning. Everything, every moment, every second spent away, melted away, nonexistent. You were there, pressed against him, not enough room for a breath of oxygen to pass through your bodies, teeth biting marks into his neck and nerves vibrating in your body at the feeling of his groans beneath you.

“And you’re mine,” he said, breathless as he slid his hands up your neck and tilted your face towards his own. His forehead rested against you, his hands brushing the wisps of hair covering your eyes and tucking them behind your ear. You watched his mouth, his eyes, the way his tongue lapped at his lips and felt the way his breath fanned against your skin, hot, impatient, grotesque in passion. He was like a painting, cheeks swollen and flushed with passion and fatigue, eyes tired and glossy as his eyes blinked slowly, like the muscles of his eyes were so overcome with love they struggled to stay open. “Forever.”

The metal on his finger secured that. The binding of your heart to his confirmed that. The string attaching your wrist to his locked that away and threw the key into the ocean.

You were his, forever.

Your lips found his neck again, pressing gently into the skin between breaths as you panted against him. “It’s you,” you said, mouth hot and urgent against his veins,”it’s always been you. Always will be you. It’s only you.”

And it was true. It had always been Chanyeol, could never manage to be anyone but Chanyeol. He was everything you were, everything that made you a person, everything that kept you in place and everything that shone light onto your shadows. The thought of loving anyone but him was excruciating, sending shivers down your spine, the thought of him pressing his lips onto anything but your body was mind numbing, making your legs go weak and your arms wind themselves tighter behind his neck, pulling him closer into your body. Closer to home.

You’d decided, a long time ago, that you never really could move on from Park Chanyeol. You could try, and you did, but it wouldn’t work. It would never work. You tried in those months away, in that period of time where you thought you had been long since forgotten on the other side of the world, waiting for him in a bed he would no longer want to come home to, in an apartment that would become unfamiliar to his senses. You tried, desperately filling your days with work- busy work, anything to keep you occupied, to keep your brain from wandering into the way his fingertips burned into the flesh of your hips as he panted from above you. But it never worked, nothing ever did.

He consumed you, in the fullest way possible, until his heart beat in sync with your own and his breath poured directly into your lungs as he inhaled it.

The sun, still trapezing through the blinds of your window, left his arm warm, hot to the touch as your fingers clung onto it, wrapped around it like it was your anchor keeping you steady. You’d needed it, the way he felt, the way his hands ghosted your lower spine, dipping only slightly into the hem of your underwear as you bit down on his collarbone.

His phone ringing behind him did nothing to deter you, your mouth not daring to separate from his skin, only his hand- his right not his left, detached from your body as he reached backwards to find the noise. Raising his phone to his ear, he tiled to head to the side, his answer coming out more as a gasp when you dragged your tongue along the underside of his throat. His voice was thick, laced with gravel, like he’d swallowed down pounds of gravel moments before speaking into the receiver.

You could only faintly hear the voice from the other side of the call, though it seemed much louder than usual as it rang in his ears, and it seemed to be important in the way Chanyeol’s grip on your body faltered and his muscles tensed beneath you.

It was as if he was shot through the stomach, the way he choked on the air he swallowed down and froze. You could’ve sworn, in that moment, you could feel the way his heart dropped into his lap, as if it was sutured on the outside of his body, hanging limp by a single string that was cut by the man speaking into his ear. You could feel the tensing in his jaw as the voice rang in his brain, the way the blood seemed to stop flowing in the vein your lips were pressed to. His hands dropped from your sides, his body retracting harshly from your touch, shoving past you as his feet planted onto the ground and stepped forward.

You could feel it instantly, the pull away from you, the way his being was ripped from you once again despite him being only inches from your touch. His shoulders were locked in place, his hand in a fist at his side as the other one squeezed his phone to tightly his knuckles shone white with force. Your mouth as dry as you watched him, your breath locked deep in your throat as he bent down, his knees cracking against the strain as his head dropped into his hands and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“What do you mean I’m off the album?”

Your nose burned at the sight, at the image of the man you loved so helpless, so small as he crouched into the ground, his voice breaking- with rage or with sorrow you couldn’t manage to decipher, hands trembling and speech stuttering.

There was no way they would take him off the album, no way they could afford to remove the main producer from their work. Yet, seeing the way he was, the way tears welled at the base of his eyes and the way his fingers dug into his eyes, you were scared. Scared that he would lose it. Scared that he would lash out.

“I know I left but-” He stopped, his words no longer forming on his tongue as he dropped his legs out from beneath him and sat on the floor of your bathroom. He looked lost, helpless. You stayed frozen in place, not knowing what to do as he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. His face contorted, eyebrows furrowed deep and nose scrunched into the bottom of his forehead, like he was trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill onto his cheeks. “There’s no way…”

He hung up the phone, let it drop to his side, and pushed his face into his hands. You wanted to speak, wanted to console him, say something to break the silence creeping steadily into the air, but you couldn’t. The words got stuck on your tongue as you touched your neck, letting your fingers ghost over the mark he had left behind and felt the burning sensation flood over your body. It all felt so distant, despite the fact that it all happened only moments before, only minutes prior to the phone call. The sun was gone, disappeared behind the clouds like you wished you could, leaving the room dark, cold, a perfect description of the atmosphere that hung sullenly against the wallpaper, like a framed painting up for display.

His shoulders began to shake, long gasps for air ripping through his throat as he cried, fingers digging so deeply into the sockets of his eyes you were convinced he could see galaxies within them. Your knees buckled beneath you, dropping to his side and ignoring the throbbing that coursed through your veins at the impact with the floor. Your hands flew to his head, his fingers clinging onto your shirt the second he felt your touch as he cried into your side. He sobbed into your body, latching onto your skin as if it was the only thing keeping him from losing himself completely.

Your nose burned wildly, air stuck at the base of your throat as it competed with your heart that had felt like it lurched from your chest and into your mouth. It was over, just like that. The serenity of your life was crushed, shattered to the ground like a mirror and left there for anyone to step on, to become apart of the infliction and become swallowed whole by the pain. You were nothing but a bystander, an accomplice to the pain, yet you were just as broken, just as fragmented by the deafening blow.

The sun outside was no longer smiling down at you, no longer warming your skin, instead shying away, behind the clouds like it was afraid of the things it would see if it remained visible to your wandering eye. Just like that, with one phone call, with forty-seven seconds of speech, everything was lost. Everyone was lost, including Chanyeol. Especially Chanyeol, as he rocked back and forth in your embrace. Your hand circled his back, shushing him into consolation as your fingers threaded his hair and massaged into his scalp.

There was nothing else you could do, nothing you could say, no other way to help him but to be there, to let him exist in your arms, to give his soul to you, even in its darkest times.

And then suddenly, just as the sun had disappeared, the storm hit, head on. Chanyeol’s shoulders stopped shaking, his tears stopped flowing down his cheeks and he sniffled as he lurched from your touch, like you were a flame and he was gasoline, like you were waiting to ignite him, to burn him alive.

“This,” he started, pointing his finger at you and lowering his gaze, “is all your fault.”

He stood up, your hands dropping into your lap and the throbbing your knees becoming evident from the pressure you’d endured while holding him in your arms. You stared up at him, speechless, unable to form thoughts at the look that burned into your face. He was certain, venom behind his figure as he stared at you incredulously, like he’d just put the puzzle pieces together and discovered you were the reason for everything. You did nothing, said nothing as he waited, on bated breath, for you to reply, to defend yourself, to do anything. You stood up, on shaky legs, and stepped backwards, towards the counter and away from him.

“I knew I shouldn’t have left,” he said, hand scrubbing across his face as he spoke into the air, “I knew the moment I stepped onto that plane it was over. God, how stupid am I? How selfish are you? As if you couldn’t have lasted a few more weeks, a few more months without me. My work, my career, you knew it was weak. You knew how important it was to me. It’s like you did all of this on purpose.” He looked at you, like he’d just had a revelation, and stepped forward. “Like you ignored me just to have me come crawling on my hands and knees back to you. Is that what you wanted? For me to lose my job? To ruin the one thing I had going for me?”

His voice bellowed across the apartment, each word feeling like a punch to the throat as you listened on, continued to accept his assault towards you despite the soreness of your flesh. Your entire world stopped, shifted on its axis as he yelled at you, towards you, into you. You felt like you were on a roller coaster, being forced through loops that made your neck snap backwards as whiplash fogged your ability to think consciously. Every day you felt this, felt the unwavering rotting within your body, the slow, excruciating deterioration of your chest as he spit acid into it. Nowhere could you manage to escape it, manage to be free of the grip he had on you and free of the way he scrambled your heart in his hands and left you by yourself to bleed out.

“Please,” you said quietly, the words in your throat feeling like knives as they escaped, “don’t blame this on me. It’s not my fault, don’t make it my fault.”

He laughed. No longer was his laugh the one that you were desperate to hear, no longer was it the one that made you feel as if everything in the world fell perfectly into place. His hand didn’t slap against his thigh, his nose didn’t scrunch against his forehead and his mouth didn’t open wide. Now, it was bitter. It was cold and detached, mocking as he tossed his head back. A shiver racked through your body at the sound, your nerves completely frayed at the distance that was put between you by a simple laugh, a simple gesture. You’d almost felt as if everything had grown dark, like the ceiling above you had adapted to the tension in the air and turned a dark grey color. In your eyes, your world had dimmed, his laugh bringing forth the shadows and cornering you into them.

“I should be able to live my own life, you know.” He didn’t stop, wouldn’t stop until the pent up aggression was expelled. Pouring it directly into your mouth wasn’t necessarily his intention, but you were there, and he’d felt as if you were the reason for all of his problems, in the moment.

So you were his target.

And he aimed, and he shot, and every word pierced directly into your chest.

“I shouldn’t have to worry about you being here when I get back. You’re my wife.”

“You’re not allowed to downsize me, Chanyeol.” It wasn’t obvious where you found the courage to speak, where the words came from and how they managed to slip from your dry, cracked lips. But somewhere they were, and they came out with rage and vindictiveness in every syllable. “You can’t just stand up and tower over me and make me feel small, make me feel like everything that happened was less important, less valuable than your job.”

“You’re not less valuable. That’s not what I’m telling you.” He sounded tired, like he was beating a dead horse with a stick every time he opened his mouth to speak. “What I’m saying is that you would’ve been fine. The pain would have been just the same whether I came back when I did or if I had waited a few months. The pain was pain, and you would’ve been fine.”

Screaming wouldn’t help. Yelling at him, into him, wouldn’t help. Collapsing to your knees and crying into the palms of your hands wouldn’t help the way you felt as if your chest was turning inside out, as if he had reached his fist through the space between your ribs and tightened it around your heart. He was being gross, passive about what you went through without him, his body language nearly waving you off because he didn’t think what you had been going through was enough. Almost as if that it wasn’t bad enough for him to have to come back earlier than he was supposed to.

It spun you like a top. The day before, hours before, he was begging you to forgive him. He was apologizing into your skin for making you live without him, to suffer without him for the way he left you behind in the stark reality of your life in his absence. Now, standing before you, he was belittling you, belittling your pain, making it seem unimportant compared to his career, unworthy of his time and nonexistent in terms of his consolation.

“The things I felt were not staying up and listening to sad music as I cried into my pillow…” It was coming out. Every emotion you’d ever felt, every word you’d kept inside of you because he was trying to make it better, flying out of your mouth before you had the chance to clamp your hand over it. “The way I felt was not eating ice cream in place of my feelings. It was not looking at pictures of you and feeling a pang in my chest because I missed you. It was breaking down in the middle of the street because every person who passed by was you. It was being fine for days, busying myself for hours on end until my muscles were sore, and then suddenly I could feel your hands on my waist and your lips biting at my neck and it was like I was underwater choking for air. I was not in pain, Chanyeol. I was drowning. And if you hadn’t come back when you did I would have sunk down too deep to be able to come up for air.”

He didn’t say anything, didn’t move. It was like his brain was stuttering, relapsing his words, his eye nearly twitching as he watched, waited. You knew he was out of line, he knew he was out of line. The way the sun passed in and out of the clouds knew he was out of line, like it was waiting for the moment he finally spoke to come out from hiding. His career was important, his career was a part of him that he’d never want to lose, and you knew that. But the both of you knew that the ring tying each other together, the binding that was so deep it was cutting into your bones, held far more weight.

It was a lapse. A lapse in judgement and a moment where he’d forgotten what his life was about, what was crucial to him. He could go without the album, he could go with a break from touring. It would suck, and he would feel deprived, but nothing he could feel in that situation could compare to the emptiness that would tear at his insides if he ended up losing you.

“Sometimes I’m just so mad at myself,” you said softly, your eyes not leaving his as you spoke, “mad for falling in love with you. Everything that falls has to break sometime.”

He rubbed his hands over his face, shoulders unlocking and dropping forward as he signed into his palms heavily. “I’m still mad. Still pissed off and frustrated as hell. I won’t do something stupid like kick you out because of it, but I need my time.”

You could hear the snark in his voice, the underlying judgment behind the sentence referring to the times you’d forced him to leave, left notes for him to be gone and pushed him through the threshold of your apartment and into the hallway. He was stronger than you, and it was something you were far too aware of, but the acknowledgement of it on his end did nothing but spur on the ache in your chest and the throbbing against your skull.

After hours of silence, you and Chanyeol keeping distance between each other as you went throughout your day normally, you’d retreated to your room and gotten dressed in silence. In the living room, you could hear the sound of the radio humming and the microwave buzzing, the smell of leftover chinese food wafting through your apartment. Normally, it was a familiar feeling, knowing Chanyeol was in the kitchen heating up dinner, getting ready to watch a drama with you curled into his side, drinking beer just before bed. Now, all it managed to do was make you angry, annoyed that he kept the routine so intact despite you being detached from it. If anything, you’d wished he just fell asleep, or ate cold pizza, or scrolled through his phone until his eyes burned.

Anything except to go on with his life as if your absence did nothing to deplete it.

With a sliver of hope in your veins, an ounce of wishful thinking overtaking your senses, you’d hoped the sound of your door cracking open was Chanyeol coming in with remorse, coming in to curl up into your side and kiss your skin until the both of you promised to try harder, to love deeper, and to forgive each other. With your body laid against the headboard, your breathing stuck in your lungs as you watched him move across the room. He said nothing, glanced at you not even once as he slipped his shirt off and found a clean one in your dresser. You watched him, watched the way his muscles flexed beneath his skin as he slipped the fabric over his body and forced you to look back down at your book as he approached the side of the bed.

Only he didn’t bother touching the blankets, didn’t bother getting into it, and still didn’t bothering looking at you as he picked up a pillow and tucked it under his arm. Walking towards the door, he stopped just as his hand touched the handle, and looked over his shoulder.

“I’ll be on the couch.”

And it burned. The way he walked out, the way the door clicked behind him as he padded back down the hallway and made a bed out of the loveseat in your living room, stung in your chest. It was as if he’d caressed your neck, pulled you close to him, and began to cut off the oxygen from reaching your brain. You felt scrambled, disappointed as you pulled the blankets up to your chin and squeezed your eyes shut to avoid pathetic tears of desperation to roll down the sides of your temples. You’d eventually fallen asleep with a pounding in your head and a ringing in your ears, the emptiness next to you making it impossible to find any warmth despite the blankets you had thrown across your body. Hearing his snoring from the living room made your bones ache, made you force yourself to stay laying down instead of walking out there and curling into his chest.

When morning had rolled around, your eyes cracked open, dry and crusted over from the night of uneven sleep. Every muscle in your body felt sore, as if you’d ran a marathon while sleeping and forgot to stretch yourself out beforehand. Metaphorically, the back and forth between you and Chanyeol, the constant fighting could be compared to that, thrown into the state of arguing with no precedents leading up to it. You were tired, overwhelmed by the feeling of wishing he wasn’t sleeping on the couch, so you wouldn’t feel as if you had to tiptoe into the kitchen for your coffee before going to work.

He was awake when you walked out, sitting on the bar stool with a cup of coffee in his hands. His hair looked tamed, as if he’d tried to push it down against his head when he’d woken up that morning. He wasn’t aware of you, didn’t notice you standing in the doorframe as you watched him, watched the way his lips pursed as he took large drinks of the liquid, as his eyes fluttered shut at the steam that rose into his face. You noticed another cup sitting on the edge of the counter, filled to the brim with what looked like coffee with cream, a contrast to the black coffee Chanyeol usually drank.

You stepped forward, your sock covered feet padding against the linoleum and making your movement silent until you were reaching for the cup right in front of Chanyeol, making him sit up straighter and nod his head towards your hands.

“Cream and sugar.”

Nodding slowly, you let the cup slip between your fingers and lifted it to your mouth, thankful for the way it blocked your eyes from Chanyeol’s and letting the liquid burn the tip of your tongue as it went down your throat. You could feel the tension in the air, the unspoken words hanging over his head like a neon sign reading I’m Sorry, the coffee in your hands being the beginning to a long and messy apology that you didn’t have time to indulge in.

It was obvious the two of you always said more than you had time to think about, that the words that left your mouths most of the time were things that should’ve stayed unspoken, but the fault in the two of you lied in the fact that you were both too stubborn to admit any of it.

He watched you as you drank it, eyes grazing over the way his shirt hung against the middle of your thighs, licking the bitter taste of coffee off of his lips as he gripped the mug in his hands tighter. He’d had you the day before, had you in his arms just hours before, yet he missed you. Craved you. Longed for the way you writhed beneath him and said his name as he let his tongue work marks into your neck.

You could feel his gaze, feel the burn in your skin as you set the mug into your sink and began walking back to your room. You tried your best to ignore his presence as you got ready for work, letting the coffee steep in your bones as you collected the things you’d need for the day. He stayed silent in the bar stool, watching you, analyzing everything you did as if he would need to know for the future. You could feel him, his eyes fixated on your body as you pulled a coat over your arms and adjusted the collar at your neck.

Walking passed him, the sound of your heels echoed through the kitchen, splitting the otherwise silence in half and creating a background noise to hide the sound of your heart beating erratically in your chest.

Taking a water bottle from the counter next to your fridge, you threw your purse over your shoulder and turned on your heel, walking passed Chanyeol and into the hallway. Just as you passed by him, before you could get any further, his hand caught your wrist, pulled you into him, and pressed his lips to yours, sweetly, for only a second, before he let go and turned back to his coffee.

His shoulders fell forward, swirling the liquid in his mug and ignored the stare you had glued onto the side of his face. Your head spun, mouth parted open, hand nearly reaching up to your lips to touch them as your muscles clenched in your stomach.

“Be safe.”

↫  previous chapter | next chapter ↬

[enaasteria]

are you planning any spinoff fics for apartment 5108??

The only one i have slated is Adverse for PCY. which funny story---i posted part of chapter one a long time ago because a few readers wanted a sneak peak but deleted it really fast since its a wip. Then I added bits of the story line into chapter 17 of apt with yua x pcy. And I'm not sure if anyone caught that but it's one of the Easter eggs I put into 17. Is there a side story you want to know about/read?

[thechanbaeklibrary]

Fic Search #42

1. Anonymous asked: do you know the fic where chanyeol is a mob boss and i believe he accidentally knocks up baekhyun. at one point i think he accidentally pulls a gun on b. towards the end he beats up someone who was attempting to steal his mafia/fortune while baekhyun is instructed to hide by the other exos. TT

2. Anonymous asked: hey ~~ I'm looking for a fic where chanbaek are exes but go to a wedding (or meet at a wedding). they decide to give their relationship another shot. it was great in the beginning but bbh feels a little (or a lot) neglected, uncared and unloved because chanyeol is always busy with his work. however, chanyeol is oblivious and assumes their relationship is going great. sekai are a pair in this fic and i think they're married. the fic was ongoing when i read the last chapter at that time where bbh rants to kai about how he is done with chanyeol and chanyeol over hears this with sehun whom he just told that they're going great this time around. gg

Muted Emotions by silverbyuns

3. Anonymous asked: There’s a ff I found on aff a few years ago. It was a werewolf/vampire ff and indeed chaptered but idk if it was ever completed. It starts off with the vampire kingdom being invaded by werewolves and the vampires very young crown prince, bbh, being trapped by the leader of the invasion, pcy. The werewolves take over the palace and baekhyun has no choice but to stay as pcy sextoy or witness his people be slaughtered. Bh meets a baby wolf under the table one day & starts warming up to the wolves

4. Anonymous asked: Hello guys, thank you for opening the ask box again. I read this fic a long time ago. So baekhyun is sehun's brother (i think) and he really like to sing. Chan is sehun's friend, one day chan baek meet each other and the get closer each day. Baek really likes to sing, and Chan ask baek to become his boyfriend on his recital (?) day, but baek reject him. Turns out baek have a throat cancer(?) And he slowly become mute. At the end baek comes back to chan, and chan accompany him until his last day.

5. Anonymous asked: Hi guys, could you please find this fic for me? Baek is an orphan and have an aids bcuz when he was little he had an accident and he received blood transfusion that contain the virus. Baek then meet chan and chan take a good care of him, until baek died. I'm craving for angst chanbaek right now

256 Feet by xingnini

6. Anonymous asked: Do you know the fic where chanyeol is a producer/maybe idol and baekhyun is an idol who has worked with him in the past and hates him based on that experience and they work together again and baekhyun realizes he has a crush on him i believe CY left him a sticky note confessing the first time they met or smthing like that! it’s on ao3 and i believe chen and sehun feature in it as well? TT

7. tiptisblog asked: Hey..am searching for a royalty chanbaek fic where princes Chanyeol and Sehun are step bros..but the queen and king always pamper Sehun..and this made crown prince Chanyeol insecure and jealous but he loves his little bro..am pretty sure it was a soulmate fic...chanyeol always thought baekhyun, like his parents love Sehun and to find love and acceptance he was dating a princess in secret and Baekhyun was hurt seeing his soulmate kissing someone else..yes he knew Yeol was his soulmate but hid it from him...then Baekhyun realises how partial are the king and queen with Sehun and Yeol and how they always made fun of him...and finally understands him..Ohhh and Sehun proposed Baek since he liked Baek and couldn't see him in pain but this ended hurting Yeol more than anyone...at the end Jongin and Sehun are soulmate

Even the Midnights Are Better by baekyeolangst for baeconandeggs

8. Anonymous asked: hi do you know this fanfic that baekhyun was picked as a candidate to be the king's partner? (Chanyeol is the king) He is so pretty that a lot of woman envy him. There was a scene it's night where Baekhyun went to give the homeless peole some bread from the palace(?) and i think Chanyeol doubted Baekhyun because of some rumors about him? I badly want to read this one but I can't remember the title. Thank you!!!

Love Me, Don’t Hurt Me (And I’ll Be Yours) by hunniesfw

9. Anonymous asked: hi! do you know any fics where they’re teen parents (high school or college) [looking for multiple fics]

The Domino Effect by unionxdirection

10. Anonymous asked: hi! thank u so much for your hard work 💗 do you have any fics where chanyeol feels like he's not good enough for baek and he feels as if he would taint baek's innocence?? thank u! [looking for multiple fics]

Pure perfection by channicki

thanks to @firelight4cb, @valaarose @ohsehunsss @baekkieyeollie614 @chanbaek641 for your help! 🥰

[whimsical-ness]

queen, will the kingpin match give you more inspo for illicit and shadows? LOL I loved Illicit and I really am excited for Shadows chapter 2 (I barely read vampire fics but yours won me over ahhhhhhhhhhhh)

im so not queen status omf im 😅😅hahaha wELL they were being so goofy that like pcy def wasn’t inspo for shadows bc in shadows hes like, a moody and brooding vamp?? but yea seeing his beautiful black hair made me wanna write it, so hopefully within the next week i should be able to put out pt 2!!

[singingunderthecurtain]

Favorite Fics I

To be honest with you all, I probably read all these people’s writings already and I’m just gonna link some of my faves here. Don’t get me wrong all their pieces are my fave, but when I say fave I meant fics that made me feel feelings and/or made me cry like a fuckin’ bitch, so yeah.  😂😂😂

Here goes nothing!  😅😅😅

@soobadnoonecanstopher

Lori is the first EXO fic author I actually loved since joining the fandom last year. I remember I found her on AFF lmfao (Also before reading her DKS fics, I only see him as my son. Now I blame her because I get thirsty for Kyungsoo now!!!)

MASTERLIST

Daisy (DKS) - God fuckin damn this ruined Kyungsoo for me (in a good way of course lol)

All His (DKS) - After reading about the SNS/Facebook part, I immediately checked my FB account and privated my thirsty posts about Junmyeon. Lmfao you know just in case he checks my FB for some reason looool

The Price of Privilege (D.O.)

I Give Up (BBH) - Who doesn’t like IGU, amiright? ;)

2AM (KMS) - This fuels my Minseok feels every time I read it.

Just Regular Stuff (KJM) - First EXO smut I ever read. It was hard to read this at first because I was an EXO smut Virgin and Suho is my bias and just… I felt like a pre-teen who accidentally found and watched porn for the first time!!!

The Crisis (KJM feat DKS)

@enaasteria

For some reason, her writing style is… aesthetically pleasing. Lol idk how to describe it!!!

MASTERLIST

Apartment 5108 (OSH) - I wasn’t actually planning on reading this because it has a lot of chapters lmfao (Don’t judge me, I have a phase where I only wanna read oneshots. But I looove reading long series now!!!) But I’m glad I read it because holy fucking shit, this fic speaks to me in all levels (e.g hiding scars, unrequited love etc) Also the number 1, 5, and 8 are very significant to me. I always see it everywhere so this fic piqued my curiosity.

Red (OSH)

@pcyxiukai

MASTERLIST

Sex (KMS)

The Audacity of Kim Junmyeon (KJM feat. PCY) - THIS FIC SRSLY!!!

Allegiance (BBH)

@8bityeol

I’ve probably read through her masterlist a lot of times hahaha.

MASTERLIST

Who Are You (PCY) - I really ship M and Happiness Delight hahahah

Two People (BBH) - This made me super fucking sad, tbh

Regrets At 11 PM (DKS)

Audiophile Series (DKS) - I’d actually die if my fave audio porn artist is my neighbor and jerk off to the idea of me. AAAAAHHHHH

Boundaries (ZYX) - I love me some 10 years older Daddies tbh XD Also my friend said this is the first Daddy!Yixing fic she read ‘cause he’s a sweetie pie in every yx fics there is, I think lol.

Forget Me (OSH) - I love Modern Royal AUs and this is fucking sad, made me emo.

A Conflict In Interest (KMS) - The beginning was so angsty, it made my skin tingle so bad hahaha.

The Etymology Of Us (PCY)

Antonym (KJD)

The Problem (DKS)

@xiubaek13

MASTERLIST

Lost in Translation (OT9) - As an English teacher, this shit… THIS AWESOME SHIT IS MY FANTASY!!! lol

Not much of a Sex God (BBH)

Keep it Casual (ZYX/OSH)- ANGST FUELS ME!!!

@forexcapism

I found ‘Reticent’ & ‘The Other Woman’ and goddamn I was like ‘This writer is so good’ so I checked her out and I was right, she’s really, really good. I think I read through her masterlist in less than an hour lmfao.

MASTERLIST

Playboy (OSH) - This one fucced me up real good ahahah

I’m Here (DKS) - This srsly scared me :((( lol

Oh My Baby (PCY) - I love babies and I love EXO and it’s both also ANGST!!!

The Other Woman (KJD) - I’ve always wanted to write about the POV of the other girl and I found this and it captures my idea very well and I cried because of the damn angst!!!

Tripartite (KJD) - FUCK! (sorry for cursing lol) I really felt OC’s emotions here and damn idk, it’s just… that good!!!

Reticent (BBH) - Another one of her fics that made me really sad and feely haahaha.

Bloodlust (BBH) - First Vampire AU I read ever and daaaaaamn!!! ❤️

EXO Monster!AU (OT9)

Retrograde (KMS) 

Scars (OSH/DKS)

@writings-by-cl

Found her because of the Fat Fiction Series ❤️❤️❤️ (btw I have yet to go through her Bigbang list hehe)

MASTERLIST

Raising the Standards (KJM)

Monster (BBH) 

Addicted to Mashmallow (WYF) - All I can say is three F’s; Fluffy, Funny and Fantastic!

Eyes on the Prize (KJD/BBH/ZYX/KMS) - An orgy with Jongdae, Baekhyun, Minseok, and Yixing? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!!!

Saudade é um suéter (OSH)

@3kpop2jagi1

MASTERLIST

Higher (KJM) - CAN I JUST…

Caffeine (KJD) - ASKASKSAKAS tbh with you

Higher x Caffeine (KJM/KJD) - /DEAD

If We’re Happy (BBH)

How Bad Could He Be | He’s Not So Bad (KJD)

If to Please (DKS/KJI/OSH) - THIS FUCKED ME UP!!!

Again | Anew (KJI)

The Towel Story (OSH) - For some reason I find this a little angsty at the beginning haha

@nowblowitlikeaxiu

MASTERLIST

Ka-ching |  Girl Problems | Make Daddy Proud | Misadventures (KMS)

Long Night (ZYX) - So, so, so cute!

She Call Me (OSH) - The last part made me choke on my bread (I was eating bread the time I was reading this!!!)

@peachykaix

To be honest, though, all the stuff she has written so far… I love it all!!! So I guess just click her masterlist. REALLY LOVE HER WRITING STYLE. Very detailed, but not boring at all. I’m calling her the ANGST QUEEN!

MASTERLIST

@fairyyeols​

MASTERLIST

A Star Like Her (DKS)

Made Of Memories (BBH)

Heaven (KJI)

Eden (DKS)

>MASTERLIST< >MAIN BLOG<

[rhirhim]

i didn’t know you were writing a fic! May i know the synopsis or something?? (and 1, 4, 7, 13)

Hello darling!! I’m currently writing a few things, but I’ll tell you about the main one. It’s a hp au, and the plot is that pcy mysteriously falls into a deep sleep one night and the only way to wake him is by true loves kiss. The entire fic is basically just baek and jd running around hogwarts doing dumb things while they try and figure out who his true love is, I’ve already got two chapters up and I’m working on the third and final one rn

That’s all I say for now!! And now the questions~

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I honestly,,,,cannot remember ngl, I’ve always been rly into fairytales and sleeping beauty/snow white are two of the most iconic stories. I guess I wanted to bring them to the current day but I couldn’t figure out how to do it without involving witches and magic, so a hp au seemed the best bet

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

“Minseokkie, my most favourite and handsomest cousin, how are you this lovely afternoon? You’re as ravishing as ever, have you been working out? You look great, the whole body-builder thing looks fabulous on you. You know, if we weren’t related and I didn’t have to fear Luhan violently castrating me with his delicate man hands, I’d happily court you myself, you sexy beast, you.”

(Minseok and luhan aren’t dating or anything, Jongdae is just a shit lol)

7: Where did the title come from?

The title is ‘you’re asleep in me (I can’t help but smile) and it’s taken from She’s Dreaming, it just seemed to fit the mood, all the chapters are named after a lyric from the song as well

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I just listen to whatever I feel is good background noise tbf, I’ve been writing it for so long that I don’t rly have a set soundtrack. I know I listened to ABBA Gold a lot while writing the first chapter, so there’s that I guess, no reason I just like ABBA a lot lol

For songs to listen to while reading ummmmmmmmmm the hp soundtrack is the most suitable obviously, She’s Dreaming, Of Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawk, anything by Five For Fighting (especially Your Man), anything by Glass Animals, tbh I don’t really know, just whatever gives you soft magic sleepy feels

Thank you for asking my darling!!

[moonbelt]

I’m here to file a report on kai for wrecking my heart and my soul with her very first pcy fic that is a huge freaking success🗣 am I looking forward to the next chapters? my mind says yes but my whole soul has gone off to the deep end n idk how to get it back from reading the first part of whiplash🤷🏻‍♀️dude ur writing is PHENOMENAL & I’m just rly glad so many people see n appreciate that D:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH emjae!!!! i dont know where you get off with gassing up my writing like this all the time. i swear you make my heart explode jfc im so happy to have a supportive friend like you, I LOVE YOU TOO BABE OMFG I LOVE U SO MUCH WTH,,,, you always have nice things to say about my writing, i cant believe it bc you’re literally the sweetest person ever 😭😭 but thank you for loving whiplash and for always being eager to talk about your new found love of pcy ghsgahaga

[taonsil]

jay! i woke up from a dream today where i was reading a fic series where it was just tao taking showers with each member and it was all very funny and cute but i woke up right before i was gonna read the pcy chapter :[ and idk how but dream me knew it was gonna be a good one full of shenanigans with the 2 of...

😤 the best of subjects !! if you ever revisit that dream and find out what happened please do update us 👀 (I’m sure a fic like this must exist out there somewhere?? I’m troubled imagining that it might not