#patton sanders mention

[monkeythefander]

A Witch and a Baby

Chapter 4: A Chaotic First Meeting

Summary: Logan and Roman are now good friends and things are going well in his life. But his life gets a bit more interesting one night, when a chaotic stranger suddenly enters his life.

Content Warnings: Breaking into someone’s home (it’s just Remus so nothing bad results from this), singing to calm a baby down (the merman’s singing is partly calming due to magic), Remus is shirtless just because, food mention (specifically cereal and baby formula), Remus briefly talks about wanting to take Logan’s eyes (he doesn’t though), let me know if I missed anything else.

Relationships: All platonic, but Remus thinks Roman and Logan are dating for a moment. They are not though.

Click below the cut to read the chapter.

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After meeting Roman properly for the first time, Logan’s nights became more enjoyable. Whenever Janus struggled to fall asleep, Logan would tap the gem on his bracelet and Roman would appear to help. The baby really seemed to enjoy the merman’s songs and Logan found the music soothing too, and would sometimes fall asleep from it.

When Logan didn’t fall asleep right away, Roman would keep him company and the two would discuss all kinds of things. Although they mostly spoke about Greek mythology, poetry, and books they’ve both read. These conversations eventually transferred into the day time as well. The two men would meet up at a cafe in the village to talk with each other, and would sometimes go to the library together. Janus would come with Logan most of the time, since the witch couldn’t always find a babysitter. But when Logan did leave Janus with a babysitter, it was typically Patton.

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One night, after putting Janus to bed Logan heard noise coming from another part of his cottage. Both on guard and curious, Logan quietly left his bedroom, shutting the door so he’d know to go protect Janus if he heard the door creak open.

Logan silently walks towards the noise, which appears to be coming from his small study. He stands on the side of the doorway and leans slightly to the side to peak in. He then watches as a figure looks through his bookshelf, throwing some books carelessly to the floor. Logan frowned at the sight of his books being handled so roughly. That’s no way to take care of a book.

Logan went to take a step forward, wanting to sneak up behind the intruder and confront them. But once he took the first step the floor made a creaking sound and the figure startled and turned around, making eye contact with Logan. The study’s lights were off and the moon wasn’t visible through the one window in the room, so the only part of the figure Logan could make out were their green eyes, which appeared to be glowing in the dark. Something about that shade of green seemed familiar. Where had he seen eyes like that before?

Suddenly, the figure started walking forward and Logan backed up as they left the darkness of the study and stood in the light of the hallway. Now that he could see the figure clearly, Logan could tell why the eyes seemed familiar. The intruder looked similar to Roman. He had green eyes, red hair, and was wearing pants that had a scaled pattern to them. But unlike Roman, this intruder had a mustache, a gray streak in his hair, green colored pants, and wasn’t wearing a shirt.

After examining the intruder’s appearance, Logan noticed he appeared to be observing Logan’s appearance as well.

“So…you’re the one my brother keeps running off to see so much.” The man then suddenly leans closer to Logan’s face, just staring at his eyes for a few awkward moments before exclaiming, “Your eyes are a very nice shade of gray! Can I have them?!”

“Um….no you cannot. I’d like to keep my eyes for myself.” Logan replies, very confused by this eccentric stranger. Once he got his bearings again, the witch then proceeded to ask the important questions. “Who are you? And how and why did you enter my home?” Logan knew some defensive spells from memory, so if things went wrong he knew he’d be able to defend himself. But first, he wants to hear the intruder’s story.

“Oh! I’m Remus! You can probably guess by my appearance but I might as well say that I’m Roman’s twin brother. To answer your second question, I simply picked the lock on your door and entered the house. I wanted to find out who had caught my twin’s attention so much that he’s been out a night so much lately.” Remus explains with a smirk.

“…Your Roman’s brother?” Logan stared in shock at the man. While it was clear Remus and Roman looked similar, the two clearly had very different personalities. Despite just meeting Remus, Logan could tell that the merman was very chaotic. After all, Remus did break into the cottage. He clearly doesn’t care too much about the law.

“Yes! I got tired of my brother leaving me alone so much. I wanted to go on the adventure, so I came here and found you!” Remus says and he points a finger at Logan. “So tell me, what has my twin been doing with you here so often. Are you his boyfriend? Because if so, then I don’t know why he didn’t tell me. We promised as kids to tell each other about any relationships we have in the future. My own brother has betrayed me! I’ve been stabbed in the back!” The merman then dramatically places a hand on his chest, as if in pain.

Logan sighs and tiredly shakes his head. “I thought Roman was dramatic at times, but you seem even more eccentric than him. And to answer your question, no, your brother and I aren’t dating. So he hasn’t betrayed you. Roman is my friend though. He’s mainly been coming over here to help me put my son to bed whenever he can’t stop crying.”

“So you’re telling me I’m basically an uncle now, and I wasn’t told about this! Roman has basically been playing house with you here and I wasn’t invited to join this family. I must meet my nephew now!” Remus says before he starts to curiously look around the hallway. “Where’s the little gremlin?”

“You’re not an uncle. Roman isn’t my son’s other dad. He’s just a friend who helps me out. But since you wanted to know what your brother gets up to here, I might as well introduce you to Janus anyway. But you need to be quiet. I put him to sleep before coming out here to look for you.”

“Okay!” Remus shouts before quickly correcting himself, “Okay, I’ll be extra quiet. I can be really sneaky when I need to.”

Logan sighs again before motioning for Remus to follow him towards the bedroom. The two men enter the room to see Janus sleeping peacefully in his crib. Logan glances at Remus to see him staring in what looks like amazement at Janus.

“He has scales on his face. Is he part dragon? Snake? Does he also have magic like you? I noticed all the spell books you have so I know you’re probably a witch.” Remus rambles quietly as he continues to admire the scales on the baby’s face.

“I think his scales resemble snake scales the most. And I don’t think he has magic, at least not right now. He might develop some in the future since he was created through a spell by the Dragon Witch. And you’re correct in assuming that I’m a witch.” Logan replies. Logan is impressed by how observant the merman seems to be. Remus noticed all the spell books and correctly assumed that Logan was a witch.

“You’ve met the Dragon Witch?! I’ve always wanted to meet her since hearing stories about how powerful she was when I was a kid! Can you introduce me?!” Remus shouts excitedly, forgetting about being quiet. This causes Janus to wake up and start crying. Remus looks over to the now awake and crying baby before looking to Logan apologetically.

“I’m sorry magic man. Let me make up for disturbing the gremlin.” Remus says quietly and walks closer to the crib before Logan can question what he’s going to do. The merman then kneels before the crib and starts singing a lullaby. His singing voice is more raspy than Roman’s, but it’s still just as soothing and Janus soon falls back asleep. Remus then looks to Logan and smiles slightly. “He’s okay now.”

“I can see that. Thank you for calming him back down. But please try to not disturb him again while you’re here. We can continue talking in the living room so we don’t disturb Janus.” Logan replies with a small smile on his face.

“You want to keep talking to me?” Remus asks, tilting his head in surprise and confusion.

“Yes. You had some questions before that I didn’t get to answer. And since you helped with Janus and seem harmless, I’d like to keep talking to you.” Logan says. The witch can tell that like him, Remus probably struggles when it comes to friendships. The merman only mentioned his brother and was clearly upset that Roman kept leaving him alone to hang out with Logan.

Remus smiles and replies, “Okay. I’d like to talk to you more too. You seem interesting, magic man.”

Logan smiles back and motions for Remus to follow him to the living room. The two then spend a good portion of the night just talking about whatever comes to mind. Logan tells Remus about the Dragon Witch, and answers any other questions the merman has. In return, Remus answers any questions Logan has about the magic of merpeople and life under the water. Eventually the two notice how late it’s gotten and Logan says they should probably get some sleep. The witch lets Remus stay the night on the couch and Logan goes back to his room to rest.

The next day, the two men and Janus eat breakfast together (the adults have cereal and Janus has a bottle of baby formula). Remus and Logan continue discussing random things and end up realizing they really like spending time together. After breakfast, Remus decides he should go home since Roman is probably wondering where he’s been. Logan agrees and walks Remus to the door.

“Thanks for stopping by. Despite you breaking in and initially startling me, I enjoyed getting to know you. Would you want to meet up again sometime? Without the breaking in part.” Logan asks, feeling more comfortable initiating hang-outs with potential friends.

Remus gives a big smile and nods, “Sure, I’d love to hang out again. And this time, I’ll knock on the door to let you know I’m here. Or I guess you know where to find me too since you probably know where my brother and I live.”

“Yes, I know where you two reside. Now you should probably get going before Roman starts to look for you.” Logan says and watches as Remus nods in agreement. Before leaving though, Remus quickly hugs Logan before pulling away and turning around.

“Goodbye, magic man! See you around.” Remus says with a smirk before walking away. Logan stands in surprise for a moment and watches Remus leave. The witch hadn’t expected to receive a hug right away. Patton was a hugger but he didn’t initiate hugs until he and Logan had been friends for a while.

Logan smiles to himself. That hug was nice, and he could definitely see himself getting used to sudden hugs from Remus in the future.

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End Notes: Thanks for reading chapter 4 of “A Witch and a Baby.” Please consider leaving a like, comment, or reblog if you enjoyed it. I know I probably didn’t write Remus as well as I could have, but I tried to somewhat portray his chaotic energy. There will probably be two more chapters after this, and then I’ll have completed this fanfic.

-Monkey💜

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Links for this fanfic

Link to the next part: https://www.tumblr.com/monkeythefander/745355732819509248/a-witch-and-a-baby-chapter-5-a-vampire-in-the

Link to previous part: https://www.tumblr.com/monkeythefander/739099978507714560/a-witch-and-a-baby-chapter-3-a-lullaby-from-a

Link to this chapter on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52055863/chapters/135705025

[orbch]

the glasses gays and those obnoxious twins

[randomnerd737]

I was thinking about the 5 year anniversary video and

it is interesting to me how Patton kind of decided for Logan what his role in the "family" would be. all the other sides chose it themselves, but he didn't get to.

even when he actively objects it's played for laughs and never addressed. this happened too when Patton revealed his name for him, and I just think it's interesting to note that after all these years, Logan still never gets to decide anything when it comes to Thomas, or even himself, to an extent. it's just kind of decided for him and he is expected to just go along with it, similar to how it was when Thomas dyed his hair.

ik it's mainly a "haha wine mom" moment, but that doesn't take away from how angsty it gets when you think about it.

[ssslimyboy]

Virgil: Thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but turns out it was just me and Patton meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.

[lookupthewordjokeinthedictionary]

If you don't mind my miniscule tss angst but-

Do you like the intricacies of Virgil's and Patton's relationship? Do you like how "controlling" and "censoring" Patton is of all the others, including Virgil?

Because Virgil started out as a villain, and even though Patton has "adopted" him, I need to remind you how he treated him the first few episodes. Namely:

By being scared out of his pants the moment he appeared.

By blaming him in Mind vs Heart for bringing Thomas down

And oh yes, by changing every aspect of his personality to "fit in" with the rest of the light sides.

Because let's be real, despite Virgil's eyeshadow being darker, everything else spells him being less and less distressed by every episode.

Thomas' Anxiety is changing, because Patton can only (for now) see things in black and white. And make no mistake, this is changing, but this is changing in the expense of his relationship with Virgil. Because despite Virgil feeling like he has to change in order to be accepted, in order to fit in the overly tight boxes that Patton has for him, the rest of the dark sides haven't changed one bit.

And yet Patton has learnt to endorse them. Because Patton learnt how to see in more grey terms after Virgil changed for him.

[keeping-up-with-the-sanders]

Orange: Don’t you just love how mental disorders are just buy one get seven free?

Patton: I didn’t even really want the first one. My old boyfriend made me buy it.

Roman: Mine’s a family heirloom, passed down through generations.

Remus: Same.

Janus: I think mine was one of the things my dad threw at me as a child.

Logan: I’m pretty sure my parents gave it to me because they shoplifted it and didn’t want to go to jail.

Virgil & Andy: Ours came in a package deal: Being gay, homophobic parents, mental illness.

Remy: Bitch, you had parents?

Emilie: Mine was the last thing my parents gave me before they abandoned me in the middle of a Wendy’s parking lot.

Thomas: Jesus Christ, are you ok?!

[confusedasever]

I love your human designs!! Did something inspire them? Especially Logans and Virgils

How I made the human au designs!

All my designs are based off common fandom headcanons I’ve seen and enjoyed. I’m sure it’s pretty obvious lol. I loved taking inspiration from the other amazing human fander artists out there. It’s like a group project also isn’t it cute how the “light” sides hair goes one way and the “dark” sides hair goes the other? That was accidental.

(Fun fact a former dear friend helped with the designs of Patton and Virgil. So props to them. Thanks star!)

The designs:

🌩️Virgil: short, black hair, purple streak to look cool, (the eyes were my friends idea) really good fashion. He’s part of the freckle club. Plus he has pointy elf ears! Often wears earrings and is haunted by the ghosts of his past. My friend did the heavy lifting so if you like Virgil’s design thank them.

🪐Logan: tbh it’s just character designs I like + normal Logan, dark eyes, eye bags, freckles, ties, glasses, why change perfection any more than you have to right? I just draw him like first try every time too it’s scary lol he just appears

🍰Patton: (Another design I got help with) rounder body type, fluffy curly blonde hair, round glasses freckle club member. Manages to look like the worlds cutest man. He’s the only one with a fully rendered drawing. Logan steals his clothes.

🥇🥈Roman & Remus: these identical twins look like Alex and Alex’s evil twin from stardew valley ngl but they’re designs are inspired by Roman typically being coloured tanner than the others. Remus dresses like he wants attention, Roman dresses like he’s a cartoon character. They’re ahoge’s are crowns cause why not?

🐍Janus: first Janus appearance. Pale, angular and blonde. The scales are now a scar that covers most of his body. (Blind and dead on that side) Still managing to slay. Even if he dresses very oddly. Tries to look rich looks lame instead. Kinda a bad person. Sorry Janus at least you still have a hat. I hate drawing hats.

☕️🍬Remy&Emile both have designs but tbh they’re pretty much entirely just ocs me and my friend made very loosely based on sander sides so idk if I’ll ever share them.

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

Sander sides ghosts au where they haunt Thomas on the same property

Remus: the oldest ghost/the first dead. He and his brother had an argument and Roman killed him

Roman:the second. Grief and guilt succumbed to him and died in his sleep. He spends his time with Remus trying to pretext him from basically everything.

Janus:won the house in an auction and got beheaded. His head falls off sometimes

Virgil: died in a witch trial and is DEATHLY afraid of everything and fire.

Patton: kindergarten teacher that died in a car collision and landed on the property

Logan:fell out of a window of the property when he stayed the night after getting stranded. (He was an aspiring lawyer)

(This is the order of death lol)

Character!Thomas is certainly gonna have an interesting time hearing those stories when he asks them XD /light hearted

[marksandrec]

Marks and Rec: Misc #2623

A traditional thanksgiving offering. (Dialogue from matthitarchive-blog on tumblr.)

https://www.tumblr.com/matthitarchive-blog/38427253812/my-mom-what-are-you-gonna-bring-to-christmas?source=share

[easily-distracted-by-fandom]

Head Cannon: Every so often Roman will set up like "a fair day" in the imagination which is just an excuse to win prizes and play games with his friends because none of them can go to any actual fairs or events like that

Aww that’s adorable! My interpretation below!

Janus and Remus probably aren’t allowed for the longest time- so Janus will sometimes steal someone else’s invitation and go instead.

Virgil always gets spider themed plushies if he wins a carnaval game which causes some issues with Patton, who will flinch away from them (esp because Roman blessed the toys with the ability to come to life in the imagination) but he deals for his kiddos

Remus stole this idea, he has much more bloody carnivals on his side of the imagination (he’s tried to convince Janus and Orange to help him kidnap a light side to join multiple times)

Virgil HATED Remus’ carnivals and avoid Romans, assuming they’d be similar for the longest time. He was pleasantly surprised.

Logan is actually the best at the carnival games (because they’re not rigged). He usually gives the things he wins to the other sides (usually Virgil because he knows they help with his anxiety), but he has a few stuffed animals he snuggles for himself. He feels bad for keeping them but they make him feel safer (some of them are fiddle toys that Roman put in there for Virgil, but Logan really likes them)

Patton’s favorite toys are the stuffed puppies, but sometimes he’ll get a stuffed frog, and then wince and look at Roman.

Roman has made a bunch of duplicates of himself to run the circus tent part. He loves doing death-defying acts that would never work (the other sides don’t really show up to it. Janus does if he’s snuck in, and Patton tries to go to encourage his kiddo, but Logan doesn’t see the point in it and it gives Virgil really bad anxiety)

[not-sure-what-im-feeling]

Patton with fangs/sharp teeth

[spyret-the-shitposter]

my first time editing in a while, enjoy this sanders sides edit of my favorite character ever while my hyperfixation returns in time for a new episode! im gonna tag him in this only because i want him to see it and im proud @thatsthat24

[lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie]

The Favorite Side

Summary: Roman just wanted to celebrate his birthday but...of course, because of Logan's impromptu photoshoot, he's left to celebrate alone. After all, it's not like he's anyone's favorite side...right?

AO3 Link

Pairings: None, BROTHERLY Creativitwins

WARNINGS: FOOD MENTIONS, REMUS BEING REMUS, LIGHT ANGST

(A/N: Roman just wanted to celebrate his birthday but...of course, because of Logan's impromptu photoshoot, he's left to celebrate alone. After all, it's not like he's anyone's favorite side...right?)

taglist: @part-time-zombie @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat @enigmasalad

Roman sighs, watching from the banister as he peered around the wall. Today was Logan’s photoshoot for his new skirt look. Thomas had the idea of getting Logan all dressed up once again. Once Logan was told about it, he seemed happy and even flattered to help Thomas do another photoshoot. Of course, that called for some creative touch, and they called Roman in.

            Roman was happy to help and asked when they were going to do the photoshoot. His heart then sank when they told him the date. His birthday. He tried to get them to change it without throwing a tantrum, but they seemed to have forgotten how important that day was. So, Roman spent the whole day of his birthday listening to everyone fawn over Logan and praise him. He couldn’t do anything but hide his own pain because Thomas forbid, he threw a fit or got upset as his special day was overshadowed by the favorite side.

            Now, the prince himself watched from up the stairs as Patton, Janus and Virgil gathered around Logan. Remus was nowhere to be found, having been gone all day. The photoshoot had ended hours ago and Roman had made up some excuse that he had things to attend to inside the Imagination but really, he didn’t want to listen to them anymore. Yet, he was still here and watching in envy. It just wasn’t fair. Why did Logan get all that attention? Why does he get to dress up when it’s not even his special day? What does he have to do to have that for himself? Roman sighs, feeling so small now. Logan always was better than him. He was smarter and quick to understand things he didn’t. He was organized and focused. He was everything Roman wasn’t.

It hurt even more, knowing that the fans loved Logan even more than him. Roman was just the annoying, loud, and arrogant prince that no one liked because he was mean to his friends. Maybe he deserved nothing today. Sighing once again, Roman decides to let Logan have this. After all, Logan deserves the spotlight more. He had shoved the logical side towards the backstage one too many times. So, as everyone rains more praises on Logan, the princely side quietly slips away before anyone could notice him.

As soon as he closed the door to his bedroom, Roman felt his legs tremble and he moved to sit at his desk. He glances at the calendar tacked to his corkboard, sniffling as he sees his birthday marked a with big gold, glittery circle. He then picks up a red marker and crosses it out multiple times. Roman then tosses the marker aside and huffs. It looks like he’s going to celebrate alone this year. With the wave of his hand, Roman summons a red velvet cupcake with a little candle.

 “Happy birthday to me…”

            Roman then blows out the candle and watches the smoke swirl into the air. He then buries his head in his arms, sniffling again. He’s trying so hard not to cry but he can’t help it. It was supposed to be HIS day. Not Logan’s or anyone else’s. The tears drip onto his desk as he breaks down. While everyone was celebrating Logan downstairs, they’ve truly forgotten their prince who had hidden away. Their prince who was left to be alone on his special day. At least that’s what Roman thought. Who would want to still celebrate his birthday after all his failures?

“Hey, Prince Poopy!”

Great.

Roman sniffs, not bothering to look up or dry his tears.

“What do you want? Don’t you have some kind of chaos to cause elsewhere?”

“Not for another few days at least!” Remus replies, slipping out from under Roman’s bed. “What’s got your dick twisted?”

“First, eww. Second, nothing. It’s dumb.” Roman then sighs. “I’m just…having another bad day, Ree.”

Remus frowns as Roman buries his head in his arms, spotting the cupcake nearby and stealing it.

“Ro…”

“Drop it, Remus. I don’t want to talk about it. Why don’t you bother Janus or…or Logan?”

“Well, Jan is busy making out with his wine glass and I didn’t wanna be downstairs with the other light dorks.” he says as takes a bite of the cupcake with the wrapper still on. “They’re busy playing dress up with the skirts again.”

Roman sighs and sniffs, tears falling again. It’s silly to be crying over a missed birthday but it was the one day where he didn’t have to feel guilty for getting special treatment. Where he could enjoy affection without needing to seek it or beg for it. Where he could pretend for just a moment that he was loved by them all. It was the one day that Roman could be surrounded by love but instead, Logan stole that from him. Logan had everyone else’s attention and praise. And he deserved it.

            Remus could only watch on as Roman fell apart. He frowns and stands up, finishing the cupcake before looking at Roman. He really looks upset today. Remus then glances at the calendar. It’s filled with important dates and deadlines as well as reminders. The intrusive side then notices that today’s date was crudely crossed out. Oh.

“So, you’re just gonna mope all day on your birthday, moody booty?” Remus asks a moment later.

Roman looks up at Remus with wide, watery eyes.

“You…You remembered my birthday?” he whispers, surprisingly hopeful for Remus.

“Of course I did, dumbass. Why would I forget my own twin’s birthday? We share it.” Remus answers, feeling an ache in his chest.

“B-But you have your own birthday day. You don’t have to celebrate with me…”

Remus sighs.

“Okay, Pissy, look. I only agreed to have my own birthday day so you can have yours too. I know you like having your moments.” he explains before averting his gaze. “But it’s kinda boring to celebrate alone sometimes. Sure, it’s fun with Janus but not as fun without you.”

Roman rubs his tears away, gaping at Remus.

“Remus…” he lunges at him and tackles him into a hug. “Thank you...for remembering. I’m sorry I let you celebrate alone but I’m here now. M-Maybe we can celebrate together?”

Remus blinks this time and pulls back to look Roman in the eyes.

“Really? I thought you were going to celebrate with the others again.” he replies, a bit surprised.

“No.” Roman’s face falls, sighing. “They…They’re busy talking about Logan’s photoshoot and fawning over him. Not even Thomas remembered. I deserve it though.”

            Remus is frozen for a moment. Oh, hell no. No, they did not. That’s why his brother was so upset. Those bastards. The dark Duke holds back a growl and huffs instead. If they wanted to exclude his twin like that and make his special day all about someone else, then so be it. They don’t deserve Roman if they’re going to treat him like that. Remus doesn’t show it on the outside often, but he does care about his brother. So, the dark creative side grins.

“You know what, Ro? We don’t need them to celebrate. You and I are going to have our own party here.” Remus proposes, patting his twin’s shoulder.

“But-“

“You deserve it, Ro. You deserve to throw your own damn party.”

Roman finally smiles at that, rubbing his tears away.

“Okay. As long as you’re here, Ree.”

Remus grins.

“Always! Now, you get yourself all princely and pretty. I’m gonna raid the kitchen for food and snacks.”

            Roman giggles and Remus feels the ache in his chest ebb way. Good. If the others were just going to hurt his brother, Remus will just have to make sure to cheer him up and give him a damn good birthday. He leaves his brother to get ready and ambles downstairs. Much to his annoyance, the others are still fawning over Logan. Gross. Wrinkling his nose, Remus sneaks over to the kitchen as he listens in on their chatting. It’s free juicy gossip for him.

“I just refreshed the page, L. Everyone’s loving your new look.” comes Virgil’s voice.

Fucking traitor.

“O-Oh. I’m not used to all that attention. I wish I could thank them all.” Logan follows, sounding flustered.

“You’ve had quite the day, Logan. We’ll let Thomas handle that.” Janus replies.

Patton’s giggles follow.

“Speaking of Thomas, he wanted to know if we had any other important things going on this week.”

“Other than his current cabaret play? I believe there’s nothing else important for him to do.”

Janus hums.

“Are you sure? We’re not missing anything, are we?”

Virgil huffs as he cuts in.

“Shut up, Janus.” then to Logan. “Hey, don’t worry too much, L. That’s my job. Besides, we looked at your schedule earlier and nothing was missing.”

Logan sighs.

“You’re probably right.”

Remus growls lowly at what he hears and resists the urge to knock some heads together, turning towards the fridge. He starts rummaging through it, stealing the jar of crofters as revenge. He then summons a giant bag and steals a few things such as Patton’s icing and whipped cream, some leftover cookies, a bag of Doritos, some champagne that Roman likes and hides in the back of the fridge, and a jar of pickles. Huffing, Remus then hefts the bag over his shoulder and makes his leave, waiting for someone to-

“And where are you going, you little shit?”

Of course, Virgil is the one who caught him.

“Why do you care, emo? I thought you were busy with whale dork over there.”

“Because you’re sneaking out of the kitchen with a huge bag. You’re not stealing the silverware again, are you?”

Remus rolls his eyes.

“I’ve got better shit to do then steal silverware.”

Janus huffs a laugh.

“Off to collect body parts then?” he asks this time.

Remus giggles then grins widely as he drops the big news on them.

“I’m celebrating RoRo’s birthday with him!”

The dark duke then watches with glees as every single face in the room pales in horror. Wonderful. It’s so wonderful that it makes Remus cackle joyfully, doubling over as he does.

“W-Why are you laughing?!” Virgil huffs, trying to act as if he didn’t just realize how badly he fucked up.

Remus giggles again, catching his breath.

“Hoo…that was good. I’m laughing because, wow, you’re all a bunch of fucking idiots.” he grins.

“W-Well, we…we didn’t mean to forget Roman’s birthday! Honest!” Patton cuts in, trying to fix things like he always does.

Remus rolls his eyes.

“You meant it. You didn’t. Blah blah blah. Even so, you’ve already hurt him. You always do.” he huffs, staring Patton down.

Patton shrinks with a squeak and Logan takes that moment to cut in.

“Alright, Remus. We apologize for forgetting Roman’s birthday, but we really did not mean to. I hadn’t thought to include it because I got caught up in the photoshoot.” The logical side explains.

“Oh, fuck you, you brainy bitch! You were enjoying all the attention and the spotlight! Remus growls, glaring at Logan. “You whine and whine about being ignored but have no fucking problem pushing my own fucking brother aside!”

“Like you fucking care about him, Remus! You knocked him out once!” Virgil cuts in with a hiss.

“Yeah, but he knows I would never hurt him as bad as you all do. I don’t fucking lie to him. I don’t fucking think he’s annoying. I don’t put him down and make him feel fucking worthless like you all do.” Remus spits back. “I don’t fucking forget his birthday! Ever!”

“Remus, if you let us, we’ll celebrate Roman’s birthday now. We can prepare something.” Logan tries.

Remus laughs.

“It’s too late to celebrate. You spent all day shoving him aside. You think he’s going to accept a last minute, half-assed celebration?”

“Come on, kiddo, please? You can help too.” Patton pleads this time, desperate to make up for another mistake.

“No. You’ll make it up to him, let him believe you truly care, and then break him all over again. It’s an endless fucking cycle.”

“Then why do you get to celebrate?” Patton asks.

Remus growls, glaring at them all.

“Because I didn’t forget his birthday. I never have. And you know what? He never forgot mine.”

The room falls silent for a moment then

“Remus…we’re really sorry. Truly. Let us make it up to Roman. And to you.” he speaks, feeling just as guilty though he doesn’t show it.

Remus huffs.

“Shut up, Janus. I know he laughed at your name but he apologized. You haven’t apologized to him. You’ve been a total bitch All of you have. None of you get to apologize or throw a party right now until Roman feels better and says he ready.”

            The dark duke then looks around as everyone shifts under his gaze. They all share the same guilty look. Remus waits for any of them to say something more and huffs when no one speaks up. Fucking cowards. Remus glares one last time then continues on his way out with the stolen goods.

“By the way, if I hear any of you fucks at the door, I will rip your heads off.”

With that last threat, Remus heads up the stairs and returns to Roman’s room. As he enters through the door, the dark duke is greeted by Katy Perry singing her birthday song on Roman’s radio. This isn’t usually Remus’ kind of music but he lets it be for today, reminding himself that Roman needs this. Smiling to himself, Remus locks the door behind him and joins his brother.

“I got the shit, Ro!” Remus grins, putting the bag down on the floor.

“Please tell me it’s actually edible stuff and not some mold that you scraped of off the kitchen sink.” Roman chuckles, going over to see what his twin brought.

            Remus looks up and pauses for a moment. Roman had combed his messy hair and his face sparkled with makeup like it’s supposed to. Good. Remus would never admit it out loud, but he liked seeing his brother all sparkly rather than shining with tears on his face. Putting that thought aside, Remus opens the bag and it falls open, the snacks and other stolen goods tumbling to the floor in a pile.

“Ta-da! I said I would raid the fridge for us, dummy! Look!” Remus then picks up the jar of crofters and gives it to Roman.

It’s half empty already but there’s enough for Roman to enjoy.

Roman snickers.

“Did you steal Logan’s jar out of spite?”

“A little birthday bonus for the birthday prince.” Remus grins.

Roman giggles, pulling Remus into a bear hug. Remus happily hugs back.

“Thanks, Ree.”

“Of course!”

After a few moments, they break the hug and Remus looks around. It could look a little more party-like. Grinning, Remus waves his hand and the fallen fairy lights float up and wrap themselves around the canopy of Roman’s fancy bed, flickering back to life. Another wave of Remus’ hand makes some extra star thingies appear and they decorate the walls, glittering under the light. Remus also summons some gold, silver, red, and green balloons. Much better.

“Ooh, I like it, Ree.” Roman smiles, catching a ballon as it floats down into his hands.

“I thought you’d like some decorations.” Remus grins. “Now, we just need entertainment.”

Roman perks up.

“Ooh, I’ll handle it! You’ve already done so much, dear brother.” he grins, waving his hand.

            With a bit of creative magic, their food is set up like a picnic on the floor and is surrounded by soft pillows and blankets. Roman’s laptop is propped up on some books and a list of movies pop up on the screen. Another wave of Roman’s hand makes them both change into pajamas and the lights dim down. Sure, it’s no grand party that he usually has but this is good too. Roman’s glad Remus at least remembered.

“So, what movie should we watch?” Roman asks, sitting with Remus on the floor.

Remus picks up the jar of pickles.

“Dunno. I was gonna let you have the pick since it’s your birthday.

“It’s your birthday too, dummy.” Roman giggles. “Go ahead and pick!”

Remus sets the jar down as he blinks in surprise.

“Alright, fine.”

            After looking through Roman’s movie list, Remus ends up deciding on Shrek. Roman isn’t surprised and they start the movie. By the time the movie was half-way mark, half the snacks that Remus had stolen were eaten. Roman is happy, laying on his tummy while Remus laid out like a starfish as he used his brother’s back for a pillow. Roman feels lighter and happier, relieved that someone remembered him. That someone still cared for him.

            Remus feels happy too, seeing his brother happy. They both may argue and fight and insult each other but at the end of the day, they still need each other. They’re still brothers who can put their differences aside to celebrate their birthday together. Maybe Remus will do that often. It’s very rare that he and Roman have any down time together. Smiling, Remus glances at his brother who is currently shoveling the last spoonful of crofters in his mouth.

“Hey, Ro?”

“Hm?”

“Happy birthday.”

Roman grins and a faint glow surrounds him.

“Thank you, Remus.”              

[randomnerd737]

headcannon that Patton knows what sex is, and has had sex multiple times, he just doesn't know that its how you make babies bc he has only ever has had sex with men bc he is gay and he just never was told how babies were made

[ssslimyboy]

Logan: Okay, I'm going to get the wedding cake.

Patton: Perfect, while you do that, I'll check on the ring bear.

Logan:

Logan: You mean ring bearER, right?

Patton:

Logan: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a vicious wild animal to our wedding.

[stardustsides]

Fake Tweets from the Sides

these are dumb

part 2

part 3