#pasta was one of my autism safe food back in the day when i was learning how to use a stove

[lokilysolbitch]

god bless you rao's marinara for sensitive stomachs god bless you gf pasta made w corn and rice flour god bless you olive oil and god bless you salt. amen

[pbandjesse]

I am exceedingly tired this evening. My head kind of hurts too. I think if I had a little caffeine I would be okay but no such luck this evening. Working at an event with no soda somehow. That's alright. I still have had a nice day.

I slept kind of bad last night. I had very intense dreams and woke up a few times a little worked up. But it was fine. I had a nice and slow morning to look forward to.

Though I forgot to turn off my 7am alarm. Oops.

I did go back to sleep though until 9. When I woke up for real my nose was so dry. Which was not comfortable at all. James was there though and gave me a big hug and it helped.

I would go and shower and wash my hair. James made the bed and brought my puff quilt downstairs so I could work on that after breakfast.

James brought me breakfast in our bedroom while I finished getting dressed. They hung out with me for a while but soon they were heading to the museum to help with a Spanish speaking event. I was proud of them and happy for them when they told me how happy they were to be able to help.

I would spend the morning working on adding the next row of my blanket. I hope to add a few more rows. I will have to pick up more maroon and grey to continue the pattern.

I also worked on finishing fixing the penguin and I think he came out great.

I would hang out for an hour but I decided to leave here at 1130. I had a sandwich and then I was off. I packed a little food for later. And headed to go and pick up our pottery.

I went to amazing glaze and got our three pieces. I will get photos of them tomorrow. But they looked so good! I also just had a really nice conversation with the girl who helped me pack up the pieces about what we were inspired by. And it was just really nice.

I walked over to whole foods and got pasta salad and juice. The pasta salad was half off so I got two of them. And then made my way to awah.

It would be a productive class. We were doing coil vases. So they would make the vases this week and we'll paint them next week. I got everything set up and found some paper plates so we could better organize the work and hopefully none of them get lost.

The teen class was smaller but it was still nice. We did have a sort of tense moment when one student got upset at another stimming by making noises and told them to shut up, which lead to another student yelling at the person saying shut up and how that wasn't nice and we are in a safe place and then that student was like. I have autism. And the other one was like I have autism!! And I was just like. You all have autism that's what's the class is??? I just told the one student to turn her headphones up if the sound bothered them. It's silly looking back at it but it was a little bit tense.

The adult class was fun though. Brian bought a big box of snacks for everyone which was so sweet. And everyone did an excellent job making their pieces and they seemed to really enjoy this one. There were lots of smiles.

We worked through to the very end of the hour. Me and Naomi slowly cleaned up over the last twenty minutes. And so when our last student left we were able to basically walk out with them.

I would drive to the museum. And even with traffic and a road closure I was there by 330.

James was here waiting for me. And teased me about the park job I did but I would move the car soon anyway. I was happy to see them. And I got to see them brainstorming the new Spanish map. Turns out it's hard to translate idioms! Puns! But they will work through it I'm sure.

I had some nice conversations with Rosia about baby. About how I'm feeling. I am just really glad I can eat pretty regularly again. I do wish I could feel her moving more. But tomorrow we have an appointment so I can get my fears helped.

I went and found Jesse and he let me know that we had a party tonight. Not a wedding. Not a corporate event. A straight up party. They brought a ton of couches and wouldn't be using any of our tables. They also have 11 security people. Wild.

It was slow to set up. I would spend a lot of time at the desk just making sure I'm visible. I hope everyone is having fun. I have been hanging out at the desk and knitting and watching videos.

But man am I tired. I tried to make sure I could help as much as I could. Getting things like lights and power strips and such set out so that no one would feel lost. And they would know where I was if something was needed.

I would like to lay down. But I still have at least 4 hours until I can go to sleep. And that's if clean up goes well. I really really hope it does. I am nervous because this is a new caterer and I am just not sure if it will go smoothly. But I really hope it does.

I hope that you all have a good night. I hope you sleep well. Take care of eachother. And be kind. I love you all. Good night!

[babyspacebatclone]

I know the answer to this!

Well, a answer, but I can offer some potentially relevant insight!

TL;DR: No, this isn’t just an “Autism Thing,” this kind of developed aversion is a recognized psychological phenomena; however - and this part is just my guess based on experience - the way the Autistic brain processes sensory input may make you more susceptible to developing aversions.

First off, this is an example of a kind of conditioned aversion. This is where you experience something unpleasant, and your brain forms a connection with that and something that occurred recently.

Quoting from an article about Food Aversions:

…research has shown the consumption of the food and the onset of the illness do not necessarily need to occur close together to develop conditioned taste aversions. They can develop even when there is a long delay between the neutral stimulus (eating the food) and the unconditioned stimulus (feeling sick)…

This conditioned taste aversion can occur even if you know your illness is not connected to eating that particular item. In reality, you might be fully aware that you picked up a nasty stomach virus from one of your traveling companions who had been ill just days before the trip…

…virtually every organism is biologically predisposed to create certain associations between certain stimuli.

If an animal eats food and then becomes ill, it might be very important to the animal's continued existence to avoid such foods in the future. These associations are frequently essential for survival, so it is no wonder they form easily.

From this article, emphasis added

Now, obviously, most people would not consider a game “essential for survival,”

However, the principle of conditioning an aversion has been used in the practiced of Aversion Therapy to change behaviors such as smoking or alcohol use.

The practice of Aversion Therapy is - highly controversial to be brief.

If you ever watched A Clockwork Orange, it actually explores the concept and consequences of Aversion Therapy very well.

(If you haven’t watched A Clockwork Orange: assume all the triggers and proceed with that knowledge. It’s simpler that way.)

Anyway, Aversion Therapy isn’t the point, beyond as a target example of conditioning.

Going back to the “Autism Thing,” this is just my own personal conjecture, but as Autistics we learn to be hyper vigilant as a defense mechanism. We never know what behaviors are going to receive ridicule in new situations, what responses we’re going to get from people, and how environments are going to impact our senses.

We rely a lot on classical conditioning to train us into coping with things Allistics seem to just magically intuit.

Coupled with divergent sensory processing, and it makes perfect sense to me at least that feeling physically ill can create a conditioned aversion to an activity as easily as it can to a food, instead of requiring multiple punishing exposures as may otherwise be required.

And yes, you can definitely lose favorite things though conditioned aversions - I definitely have lost safe foods to crummy physical states.

Fortunately, I’ve found if I leave the conditioned aversion alone for about 6 months, I can try approaching it again and see if it’s safe again.

On the other hand, I got into my father’s jalapeño hothouse as a 4 year old, and went from a kid who ate bell peppers off the vine to a 44 year old who eats a third in her cajun pasta through sheer will power before picking out the rest.

Relevant links below cut

A nice pop-psy article on Food Aversions and Classical Conditioning, quoted above:

Wikipedia article on Aversion Therapy, which includes discussions on why it’s controversial. Do not read if ABA therapy is a trigger for you!

An expanded discussion on Aversion Therapy, its effectiveness (or lack there of long-term), and a fairly gentle discussion on the ethical concerns of using Aversion Therapy. Coupled with absolutely dismal long term effective, the article basically says “It exists, people use it, but almost certainly shouldn’t.”

My dad: Do you want to play this game?

Me: No

My dad: Why not? I thought you loved it?

Me: I did but then I played it when I was feeling sick once and now every time I play it I associate it with feeling sick.

My dad: ???

does anyone know why??? like what. i associate so many things like this.

[soapscrustymohawk]

Hetalia but my headcanons

America has times where his arm or leg doesn't work with him because of the times his limbs got blown off because of bombs during the ww1 and 2

Alfred knows he doesn't only "belong" to England as the vikings were earlier in America

He also know that some of the Asians have discovered America as well but never really took time to know him

This makes him able to get along with almost everyone and speak almost every language spoken in the world

It also makes him have traits of almost every big country

He loves spending time with his younger brother even though they almost always end their day with fighting who is the oldest

if they aren't fighting, they often prank England and France and make bets who loses the fight first (most of the time it is actually Matthew who is right)

when he has free time at home he helps the states or takes care of his garden, one of his custem cars or just watches movies in his private cinema

He also has a part of a ranch and helps the farmers around his land with their cows

----------------

Canada has freckles during the summer and Prussia always pesters him about it but thinks it's actually really cute

He loves making pancakes or just food but he also loves going out to a restaurant or order food

Just like his brother, he loves pulling pranks

He is just more carefull with it and really wants to be secured that the person is safe, the only person he just straight up pranks are Prussia and America

He loves going out on starry nights and just watch the sky or make a long walk through the forest or park

Sometimes he takes Finland or Norway (or both) with him and somehow they end up being chased by reindeers

Just like his brother he has a huge house with a large garden but he prefers staying inside with hot choco and watching movies snuggling with his polar bear or the visiting nations

---------------------

Russia often walks with woman/human rights protests and his boss (I would think of it that it is Putin) isn't all too happy about it

Unfortunatelly he can't throw Ivan in jail but he always tries to make Ivan's life incredibally tough

The other countries know this but can't help Ivan, Russia knows that it is risky and dangerous but he doesn't want to see more people suffer under the hand of his boss

He is one of the only ones that know how the prison works and is stationed and this makes him very powerful, he prefers not to do anything with it because it reminds him of the times of the USSR

Russia and America often meet in a Cafe to talk

One time Russia had to carry Alfred back to his house and Alfred planted his hands on Ivan's T H I C C cake

He in return planted his hand on Alfred's thighs and Alfred started blushing like crazy, Ivan didn't know this but he was glad Alfred kept his hands of his butt

Japan often photographs them and Ivan still doesn't know why, he has asked around but Hungary started blushing and got a nosebleed so Ivan left

Ivan notices Yao every time he is around certain nations and he wants to know why the old nation keeps making photo's of him

-----------------

Germany bought his dogs after Prussia died, he wanted to get his attention somewhere else but somehow the dogs ended up helping him with his trauma (both ww's and the death of Prussia)

Germany is actually really good at giving massages and he often helps Alfred when his joints and muscles don't work with him anymore

Germany has autism, not very bad but he keeps having trouble with it

He doesn't like it but Italy always makes sure that Germany doesn't get overwhelmed and too stressed

Italy knows whenever Germany is feeling down or not feeling well and will take him for a walk, most of the time with his dogs, or makes some pasta for him

-----------

England secretally takes cooking lessons from Gorden Ramsey and France always hypes him up to try again after Iggy accidently burnt something

He knows he is bad in cooking but he has gotten better since he took classes and even watched Francis as he cooked

France got him arrested afterwards though for stalking but it was worth the night in prison

He has kept the "marriage" contract between him and Francis

Of course he never admits it but he really does love the nation

Whenever they fight he feels bad afterwards

------

France one time cooked something for Iggy because the Englishman accidently burned something again

He did this because he had pity for the man and thought he deserved a good home-made meal

To this day Arthur keeps bringing it up and thinks he made it, Only Francis knows that it is actually his meal and doesn't mind Iggy's pestering

The blondie bothers Iggy but always makes Apple pie afterwards as prove that he is sorry

----

China has a stiff back and can't bow or stretch too much or it'll get onto his back

Japan and Hungary get together once in the two weeks for their yaoi/bl collection

Austria has walked into them once and went to therapy right after

[evilbeepthemeep]

This got long so I am putting it under a read more. Trigger warning for discussion of eating disorders/abuse

I have a nasty habit of not talking about my issues but fuck it I’ve had a bad ED day and I feel like touching on it.

See it doesn’t get triggered by my actual weight or my appearance, it does make me cringe but the one thing that really sets it off is having dinner at my dad’s/seeing my dad/my dad’s food/anyone controlling my food intake.

To understand why you need to go back to when I was 14. I was at the height of a several year long depressive episode caused by bullying at school and abuse every weekend from my dad. Also had a major case of PTSD not picked up by any of the social workers or doctors I saw due to not going to school because of the bullying. I stopped trusting everyone outside my family by this time because I’d been hurt so fucking badly by every professional in my life who was there to help me.

So at 14 due to social services meddling my dad managed to get residency of me aka custody. I was ripped from everything I knew and the people I loved in on night. I literally didn’t even get a chance to pack much and I wasn’t allowed to see my mum for a whole month. For those who know me well my mum has been my biggest support my entire life, she’s been at every medical appointment, fought doctors, fought my school to try and get my issues recognised.

Anyway one thing about my dad is he can’t fucking cook, like his food is borderline inedible and he thinks he’s great. My mum on the other hand is one of the best cook’s in my family, I grew up enjoying every meal and her food is a comfort for me. It also doesn’t set of my texture/food issues due to my autism.

Can you guess where this is going? I was forced to eat food that set off my issues pretty much every day for two fucking years. I’m talking dishes that always came out bright orange, unseasoned boiled potatoes with almost every meal even with rice dishes and other horrors. He also controlled snacking between meals, if I wanted a pack of crisps I’d have to ask. I went from a home where I had the free choice of what I’d eat to no control at all.

He even dictated what kind of a ham I had in my plain ham sandwiches for my packed lunch. Instead of letting me have the super cheap option I enjoyed because it was familiar he made me buy a more expensive version which to me smelled like cat food. I started to throw my sandwiches out and only eat the pre-packed stuff like the crisps because they were “safe” to me.

This happened during the worst part of my eating disorder. At the weekend’s with my mum even if she’d bought me food I love and I was hungry I just couldn’t eat. I stopped being able to eat rice, potatoes and pasta. I stopped being able to drink fruit juice. I still can’t even eat oven pizzas. All because I’d had such badly cooked versions or it forced upon me that they were ruined.

When I left at 16 it took me years to be even be able to eat without fear or to enjoy things again. I still can’t eat rice, I still struggle with potatoes.

I’ve been struggling to eat the last few days because over a week ago my dad turned up with a chicken casserole he made me. It was gross and the smell triggered my PTSD. The food isn’t even in the house anymore but I still can’t face food. Not even my safe stuff like crisps, chocolate, anything in a wrapper where no one has touched it before I’ve eaten it.

I want to cry

Hopefully this will help me move forward.

[moving-blogs-dm-for-new-one]

Jane the killer character and story redesign!! >:D

Jane was 15 years old when Jeff and Liu moved in the next door over. She wasn't very social, but Jeff didn't seem to be either, and Liu was so overwhelmingly friendly that she wanted to speak to him again. They would often chat in their backyards after school, leaning over the wooden fence, and eventually both her and Jeff opened up well. They all became fast friends, and even started hanging out on and off at school. They would come over to Jane's house to do homework, hanging out in her living room with chips and pop and laughing so hard their stomachs hurt before the boys remembered they were tutoring her in math.

At one point, there was an incident where three girls from the next grade up, Jeff and Liu's grade, shoved her down the stairs and called her a dyke. Jeff and Liu caught them on the school yard, told them off, and Jeff fought the oldest girls boyfriend so hard they didn't bother her again.

They became basically inseparable over the next 11 or so weeks, almost 3 months, and then Liu was arrested. Jeff was inconsolable. Jane came over everyday, and for the first two days, she wasn't allowed into his room. On the third day, and for the rest of that week, Jane went in and laid with him in bed, hugging him tight and consoling him. She cut his hair again for him, she helped him wash his binder to cheer him up, she brought him snacks and held his hand. Jeff told her he loved her like a sister the day before his accident, and they both cried.

The day the accident happened, Jane had gone over to see him, and there was a note on his door saying Liu said to go for a walk. Delighted, she ran out to find him, and ran up basically as he was lit. Everyone was screaming, Randy was laughing. She stabbed him in the eye. His friends dragged him away as he screamed and cursed at her, and she ripped her jacket off, smacking out the flames and desperately calling 911. She saved his life.

Jane went with the Woods' to pick Liu up from Juvy, and stayed overnight with him for two days when he got home because they were both so upset. She wasn't allowed into the room for the first two weeks of him being awake, but Liu and her argued with the nurses enough they let her visit. She came when she could, but she was a high level student and her parents were forcing her into a lot of higher classes, so eventually the boys had to tell her to take time for herself, because she was worn so thin. She came for the ride when they went to pick up Jeff, and rode with them to drive him home. She hugged both of them tight, gave them her new cellphone number, (and they gave her theirs, she hadn't had one before), and said if they needed anything to call her immediately. They assured her they'd be alright, and hugged her goodbye, and she walked back home.

She was sitting in her room, still up doing homework at around two am when she heard a crash downstairs. Startled, she got up to go check, when she heard Randy's voice carrying up the stairs to her room.

"I know she lives here. Find that stupid bitch." Footsteps. Terrified, she ran into the small bathroom off her room, locking her door. Shakily, she called Jeff, the first person she could think of, tears streaming down her face. He answered on the third try, obviously out of breath, but she was too scared to notice.

"Jane? Jane I can't really talk right--are you alright?" His worry seeped through the phone and she almost sobbed, whispering.

"They're here. Randy and his friends, they--they're in my house, they're looking for me, Jeff I'm so scared--" She was cut off by a loud bang on the door, and a call of "RANDY, IN HERE!", and that was when she remembered her parents were out at a party for the night. She whimpered, backing up further into the bathroom. She heard Jeff cursing, then telling her to stay safe, stay there, he was on his way.

It was a matter of minutes before they broke down the door. Randy was there, grinning wildly, a large eyepatch over his right eye. Where she stabbed him, she remembered faintly.

"Heeeey, Jane. Who's that on the phone?" One of the boys mumbled something, and he barked a laugh. "Our old friend Jeff, huh?" He grabbed the phone from her, laughing, and she could hear Jeff furiously yelling into the phone.

"Ah, ah, ah, Jeffery. Don't be rude. I have a little debt to repay Miss Winters here. I'm sure you remember what happened last time we met." He grinned, and Jane felt faint and sick to her stomach. "See you around, Jeff. Welcome home, by the way." Jeff screamed, and Randy hung up the phone.

About fifteen minutes later, sufficiently beaten up, Randy's friends dragged her into a chair in the kitchen, tying her up. Randy crouched in front of her, grinning wildly.

"Now, Jane. I'm sure you know we can't just let you off that easily. You ruined my life, did you know that?" His face got dark. "You ratted me out, you stabbed out my eye. You and your stupid brat friends took everything from me." Some sort of liquid splashed over her body, and she gagged from the smell of chemicals. Randy was grinning again.

"Consider this payback, dyke bitch." She saw the window behind Randy smash to pieces just as everything got very, very bright, and then very dark.

Jane woke up later, how much later she didn't know. Everything hurt and she felt like a mummy, wrapped tight in bandages all over her face, neck, shoulders and spotted all over her torso and legs. Someone was sitting next to her, gently placing a bandaid on her thigh and mumbling to themself. She tried to speak, but her throat hurt, and she whimpered. The person jumped, frantically grabbing a bottle of water.

"Here--Here. O-Open up. It's just water." She recognized the voice instantly, opening her mouth and gratefully drinking the water down. Jeff sighed, and she cracked open one eye to look at him, proceeding to gasp and choke on her water. Both of them panicked, Jeff apologizing profusely as she sputtered, coughing.

"Jeff--What happened to you?" He blinked, gaping for a second, then looked down, rubbing his neck. "That's...a long story. But I'm okay, alright--?" She groaned, reaching out and slapping his arm, and he jumped, looking at her bewildered and almost looking like a kicked puppy.

"You are not, stupid. Those need stitches. My god, Jeff, you're a disaster. I love you though." She laughed faintly, and he blinked, flushing and perking up. "Heh, I--I guess so, yeah." They smiled at each other, and he looked awkwardly off to the side.

"....So, do you know how to do stitches?"

"....Shit."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jane: (notes)

- 15 (At time of incident.) 5'9", broad, naturally more muscular. Hair was burnt off and has scarring all over face and head and scattered down body.

- Lesbian, butch but not masc presenting

- Jeff and her just furiously rub their two braincells together to figure problems out

- Has PTSD, OCD, ADHD, Autism, compulsive tendencies, mild hypochondria, and general anxiety disorder.

- Knows karate, almost graduated fully before accident

- Helps Jeff with murder shit

- Neither of them know how to cook and they basically exclusively eat like, pasta and canned ravioli and takeout food

- Loves to read, steals books constantly

- Compulsive girl lover and flirts with Every Single Woman

[radiqueer]

I'm sorry if this is an intrusive question, but in your knowledge, how does ednos manifest? Both for you and people you might know. I know for a fact that my relationship with food is not fucking normal, but I don't exactly know what to make of it and...wth...

ednos stands for “eating disorder not otherwise specified” which means it reps ALL eating disorders not covered under other diagnostic criteria. most, something like 70% of eating disorders fall in this category.

MY ednos looks something like this: i have an avoidant and distressed response to food and being told to eat. i tend to delay eating for as long as possible. i’m underweight and too thin for my age+weight, but i don’t have body image issues other than a generalized gender dysphoria that can’t be solved by transition. often, i delay eating for as long as possible. often this results in headaches and chronic exhaustion, shaking hands, nausea, loss of ability to focus (compounded by adhd). for example, right now I’ve eaten food equal to one slice of toast and one cup of tea since i woke up at 9am - it’s 2:20pm as i write this. 

it’s hard for me to push myself to eat because i have adhd; executive dysfunction makes completing the steps of acquiring food difficult. i have autism and texture issues due to that which make eating a lot of food difficult. the food that i can stand, i often still need to be pushed into eating. i hate when people tell me i need to eat or gain weight and sometimes refuse to do the latter out of misery and spite. depression adds a layer of weight on top of all of this. 

fundamentally, my eating disorder is about my desire to avoid eating because i feel like it’s unnecessary, distressing, and repetitive. there’s no solution for this that i can envision.

a friend was kind enough to share their experience with me also:

my eating has definitely been disordered at times and I’ve only just now, in my thirties, gotten a handle on it

so, I grew up in a house where my mother (whom I love) was always insecure about her weight and always dieting. so the language she always used - and still uses - about food is very morality-based. some foods are ‘bad’, others are ‘good’. if you have a bad food, you’re being wicked, and even if she says it with a sort of humorous thrill, as a kid you still internalise the guilt

it was also a house where, for various reasons, we never really had any chips or chocolate or candy or snacks like that around, only basic ice cream sometimes and never soda

so the combination of this meant that, when I did encounter junk food, I’d go buckwild and compulsively stuff my face, because if it was my only opportunity to eat it, then I had to eat AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

the added result was that, if I ended up with a surplus of junk food, like from easter or christmas, I had to eat it all IMMEDIATELY, because if I ate it all at once (in my mind) then I was only being bad once, and that was therefore better than eating a little each day and being bad each day

plus, I couldn’t control myself

which was one thing when I lived at home and didn’t control the shopping, but as an adult I’d never learned self-control or how to stop eating junk when

I was full, because I’d developed a compulsion around itthe fact that I can now have a tub of ice cream in the house and not eat three bowls the day I buy it, or have chocolate and not eat it all at once, or anything like that, is a development that’s really only been true for like… a year? if that?

like, I was making progress towards this state of affairs for a while, but the fact that there are uneaten lindt balls in my cupboard right now would’ve been impossible a year and a bit ago

plus the whole 'food is my only comfort while pregnant’ thing probably set me back a bit

but I’ve really worked at being mentally calm around it and reminding myself the food will still be there tomorrow and that’s okay, that looking forward to it for tomorrow is nicer than stuffing myself now when I’m already full

so that’s another way it can manifest. and here’s yet another:

I grew up in a household that is, uh, increasingly fucked up about food - - it's worse now than when I lived there - - but I dealt with most of it (along with the rest of the emotionally shitty aspects of living there) by just... mentally withdrawing from anything that wasn't safe. We ate meals together when I was little, so maybe food tied into that, idk.

I'm also autistic and not super in touch with my body at the best of times. So... it was pretty easy to just... forget to eat.

I found some risk criteria for developing an eating disorder sometime in high school, and accurately recognized myself in the parts that were focusing on "perfectionist" and "very focused on self control," so I made a very deliberate effort to Not Diet pretty early on. I was the only non athletic family member (still am--everyone else will run marathons or 5ks together on family gatherings) in part because I couldn't breathe when I ran, and I'm also the fattest person in my immediate family.

I tend to stop eating and think of food as actively unsafe and hostile when I get stressed out, and my willingness to eat tends to be one of the first things to deteriorate when my mental health does. I tend to eat high sugar things when that happens, trying to get calories into me, and that sometimes crashes my blood sugar and makes everything worse.

As an adult, I've also been broke for most of my adult life and very conscious of my finances. If I haven't planned ahead and brought food with me, I often find it hard to convince myself that it's worth it to spend the money on a snack or meal for myself - - which means I skip a lot of meals and then wind up wondering why I'm in a brain fog.

I avoid diet talk very rigidly, in part because I am really worried about what might happen if I picked it up. It's really tempting sometimes to just not eat anything at all, maybe have a Real Problem someone might care about, get that positive validation about my body even though said body doesn't work so great in terms of breathing no matter what.

if any of these experiences, or aspects of these experiences resonate, consider that you may have an eating disorder.

here is one description of what a healthy relationship to food looks like. because we live in a diet culture, it’s often really hard to tell what’s normalized dysfunction, what’s a diagnosable eating disorder, and what is healthy and normal - and sometimes, healthy and normal aren’t the same thing. people with healthy relationships to food will

eat when they want to

eat as much as they feel like eating

eat what they feel like eating

not hold their habits and needs against themselves

give their body as much energy as required to sustain AND thrive

have compassion with themselves for shifting needs - more food on one day is as valid as less food on another.

do not weight- or body-shame themselves or others

respect their bodies capacities, limits, and needs

(one thing you hear when looking for recovery tips for eating disorders is to “respect and honour your hunger” and “to make peace with food” but if your ED is anything like mine, you can see how difficult this is. my problem isn’t a lack of peace with food, it’s that eating is inherently distressing for me and everything else just keeps making it harder and worse.

but you know what would help my ED? eating foods one-course meals (which I do already) and eating things which don’t require assembly or complexity. foods like pasta, pizza, sandwiches, curd-rice, are all easier for me to eat than anything else. i try to snack on chocolate and chips and fruit, because they’re easily accessed and provide energy. my goals for myself are small: eat, as much as you are able to, do not unduly distress yourself.)

don’t punish yourself for having to figure out your access needs around food from scratch. don’t hurt yourself for what you need to eat and what you find easy.you can have an ednos at any weight. remember that more weight is better than less weight - more IS healthier. take care of yourself

recovering from an ednos looks different for everyone because ednos ARE different for everyone. it’s up to you to figure out your balance, but of course there is help and resources available. check out blogs like @heavyweightheart. try to cultivate a body positive and disability positive environment around yourself, because that helps no matter what you have going on. best of luck! 

[brainfoodgp]

Brain Food Garden Project Blog April/2017

“April’s rare capricious loveliness” -Julia Dorr-

April has been a busy month for Brain Food Garden Project and for me personally. April showers helped the French tulip bulbs the ACMH Garden Club planted last fall erupt in color just in time for Passover and Easter. The rains this month didn’t stop us from getting our new standing greenhouse built and starting to plant our lounge herb garden. And a date has finally been set to tape the NY1 Queens Person of the Week segment featuring me and the work I’m doing both at ACMH and Brain Food Garden Project the interview is scheduled to tape on Thursday May 4th.

Our First batch of Brain Food Garden Project t-shirts arrived, and although we aren’t selling them yet, we formed a contest to name this monthly blog and the winner will be one of the first to get a free t-shirt. For more contest information see the end of this blog post. Also, in the future anyone that submits a story to run in our monthly blogs “feature section” if accepted and printed will also receive a complimentary t-shirt for their contribution. More on that in just a minute.

We honored Autism Awareness Month throughout our social media platforms and celebrated Earth Day by volunteering at one of our favorite organization’s and partners Leave It Better kids’ garden in the Bronx. The rain didn’t dampen any of those volunteering’s spirits it just invigorated us to push on and we accomplished so much together in support of making our planet a healthier place for future generations.

When I changed the format of this blog post to a newsletter concept with different sections it was always my intention to open up the feature story section to everyone in the Brain Food Garden Club community. I wanted anyone that had a story to share or ideas on Food Justice or mental health that they wanted to bring to the community to be able to do so. Starting next month for Mental Health Awareness Month we will have our first guest writer. I already have her complimentary BFGP t-shirt ready! I will share more details in our 2nd Annual Special Edition Mental Health Awareness Month issue on May 8th.

That brings me to this month’s feature. This month I have a real treat from one of our new partners Kate Bakewell founder of Brook Farm Group. Kate is one of the top urban landscape architects in NYC. And she recently sent me a rendering of what the possible garden space could look like if we are granted permission to use the space at Metropolitan Community Hospital. So this month I have decided to answer the top 3 questions I am asked in potential partnership meetings regarding why I think Metropolitan hospital is the perfect location for the Todd Petriscak Memorial Garden.  As always we have our latest “Notes from the Resistance,” a wonderful new read for you to check out in my “What I’m Reading” section and a recipe perfect for the warmer weather we are blissfully starting to enjoy. Onwards towards summer and the adventures life has in store for all of us.

The BFGP Feature:

Whenever I am in a meeting with new potential partners for Brain Food Garden Project I am often asked a ton of questions. Many revolve around the potential space I have in mind for the first garden. In this month’s feature I have decided to answer three of the most frequently asked questions in those meetings. The beautiful rendering accompanying these questions has been provided by one of Brain Food Garden Projects latest partners Kate Bakewell an amazing New York City based urban landscape architect. The firm she started Brook Farm Group has an impeccable reputation for making the city scape greener for all of New York’s citizens for more information on Kate and the Brook Farm Group. Click Here. 

Question 1:

Why do you think Metropolitan Community Hospital should be the site of your first hospital garden?

This ultimately is one of the first questions I am asked by new potential partners. By now many people know that Metropolitan Community Hospital is where I spent my second extensive hospitalization. I have told the story many times by now of the excellent care I received while at Metropolitan Hospital Center. This excellent care is one of the primary reasons. Another reason and story I love to share is after I had reached a certain level of recovery and was waiting for an affordable housing option to become available. I would go to my room after lunch every day and look down on this enormous rooftop space sitting empty (pictured in the rendering above). I started planting a vegetable garden on this space in my mind. Every day after lunch I would return to my room and looking out the window I’d plant a new crop, by the time I was discharged I had a flourishing garden blooming. I asked myself why isn’t a real community garden blooming on this space? And why aren’t our public hospitals taking advantage of unused space to help grow and feed our communities? In conclusion it all comes down to wanting to give back to a hospital that gave me a new chance at life.  

 Question 2:

Why do you feel operationally this would be the ideal location for Brain Food Garden Project’s first garden?

Well, first it has to do with available space. Not only do they have the outdoor space available, if future inspections prove safe to build our garden, but they also have unused office space available directly off the garden space. Second, anyone familiar with HHC (NYC Health and Hospitals Corporation) knows that although they manage most of the public hospitals in NYC, none of their direct operating systems are the same for each individual hospital. For example psych patients at Woodhull Hospital in Brooklyn are never allowed to leave the psych ward no matter how well they might be progressing. While at Metropolitan once your medical team has approved you reaching a higher level of recovery you are granted permission to go off ward accompanied by a clinician to use the gym, library and to occasionally take your dinner outside to a gated area to eat. This type of system would prove vital in allowing peers to use the garden as a wellness tool while hospitalized.  

 Question 3:

Why is the first garden to be named the Todd Petriscak Memorial Garden?

Todd Petriscak and I met and became friends while hospitalized at Metropolitan Hospital in 2012. After discharge we stayed close friends and each other’s biggest support system. Todd’s love for science influenced some of the earliest decisions made and overall direction and mission statement for Brain Food Garden Project. Todd was part of the original five team think tank that I lovingly referred to as my Big Green Machine that listened to my earliest ideas and offered advice in how to shape them. Todd lost his battle with manic depression on January 25, 2016. I continue to miss his kindness, intelligence and support every day.

What I’m Reading:

I bought the book The President’s Kitchen Cabinet back in February when it first came out. I had been a fan of author Adrian Miller’s first book Soul Food: The Surprising Story of an American Cuisine, One Plate at a Time. This brilliant follow up book has proven that there is no better historian to dig up the tasty truth and unearth the long overdue contributions of the African community to the American food culture. There could not be a better location to start the process of un white washing America’s food culture than at the slave built White House itself. This book is a must read for all history lovers and food lovers, some of the recipes in the book are simply amazing.

Notes From the Resistance:

The fascist is fast approaching his 100 days mark and other than some very destructive executive orders and one signed bill that will allow people with severe mental illness to have easier access to guns. His agenda has mostly been a wash thanks to the American people fighting it at every turn. Have no fear his next attempt is to shut down the government until Democrats agree to pay for his atrocity of a wall. These are going to be a long four years.

1.    There is an agricultural crisis coming. Click Here

2.    Now Yale Psychiatrists are warning us about the fascists mental health.            Click Here 

3.    Mental Illness is on the rise but where is the access to care? Click Here

4.    The fascist appoints a Mental Health Czar but is she just a hack?                      Click Here

5.   The fascist regime cares nothing about prison reform and people with               mental health concerns pay the price. Click Here

Healthy & Delicious Recipes:

When the warmer weather begins the first thing I need to make is a good old standard a pasta salad. I just crave it and this is one of my favorites I call it the Beltane Spring Salad. Make a big batch for after you’re finished dancing around the May pole.

 Ingredients: 

·         1 pound whole wheat small shell pasta

·         3 carrots, thinly sliced

·         1 (1-pound) bunch asparagus, trimmed and cut into 1-inch pieces

·         8 radishes, halved and thinly sliced

·         2 cups baby spinach, thinly sliced

·         1 bunch green onions, white and light green parts, thinly sliced

·         ½ teaspoon ground black pepper

·         ¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil

·         3 tablespoons lemon juice

·         ¼ cup chopped fresh dill or basil, chopped

·         1 teaspoon fine sea salt, to taste

 Method: 

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook until just barely tender, about 5 minutes. Add asparagus, carrots and peas and cook until vegetables are just tender and pasta is just tender, about 3 minutes more. Drain and cool under cold running water, then drain again.   Meanwhile, in a very large bowl, whisk together oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper. Add pasta and vegetables, spinach, green onions, radishes and dill and toss to combine. Serve at room temperature or chilled; refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

HELP US NAME THE BRAIN FOOD GARDEN PROJECT BLOG!

Submit your idea for our new blog title and if your entry is selected WIN a Brain Food Garden Project T-shirt. All entries must be submitted no later than midnight on May 4, 2017. Submit your ideas to brainfoodgp@gmail.com