#past 9pm IS the only time i get for fun things. if you see me on tumblr pls get mad at me

[dullahandyke]

Society if I could just do funny things instesd of having to go 2 school.. fucking christ the pres are at the END OF JANUARY and ITS JANUARY.... pain et suffering.... need so so so SO badly to revise my Latin biology history and music (mandatory subjects can be cheesed) but also before I can do that I need to do my fucking!!! History RSR!!! AND I STILL NEED TO SUBMIT MY FUCKING CAO!!!!!! HELLSCAPE HELLPIT

[luvyeni]

❛NICE GUY❜ ( l. haechan )

p. stalker!haechan x fem!reader w. 2k+

warnings? dark fic, stalking, non consensual photo taking, unprotected sex

— 𖦹 ( in the midst of your stalker running lose you trust haechan , he seems like nice guy ) !

freaktober masterlist

“what’s his name?” your friend asked , her senses going off. “lily , i told you already.” you sighed annoyed , you had been talking about this date for the past week , but your friend had been skeptical. “it’s haechan.”

“well I’m sorry for being concerned for your well being.” your friend said. “especially with all those weird messages you’ve been getting , and plus you don’t know this guy , he could be crazy.”

your friend , although her nagging was annoying , she was right , it was a big risk meeting haechan – also known as donghyuck , you had been getting weird messages and pictures from a random number for the past few weeks , this stalker had known all your information - where’d you work , your address. he even knew where your childhood home was – it was super creepy.

you had found hyuck on dating site about two weeks ago , and he seemed like a nice guy. he was cute , held a good job at a good company – and of course to make sure he wasn’t catfishing you , you’d facetimed a few times before agreeing to meet him at a bar.

so hear you are , at 9pm walking to the bar listening to your friend nag you over the phone. “lily , listen.” you interrupt her rant. “I know you’re worried – the stalker thing creeps me out too , but what should i do? i can’t stay in the house forever.” you said. “plus i’ve talked to haechan , i’ve seen his face and he genuinely seems nice.”

your friend sighed in defeat. “i know you want me to be safe , but it’s fine , plus the bar will be crowded.” you reassured. “okay fine , you win.” she said. “just be safe , and don’t go home with him.” you hummed , the bar came into view. “i won’t , i’ll see you later okay?” you said. “okay , please call me when you’re on your way home.” you agreed , hanging the phone up , pulling the bar door open , walking in. if you’d only turned back once , looked around at your surroundings just once – you would’ve realized that you were being followed since the moment you walked out the house.

you sat down at the bar , the bartender coming up asking for your order. “oh i’m meeting someone , he should be here in a few minutes.” you smiled politely , he nodded excusing himself to take another order. you decided to text him , opening up your phone to text him , only to be met with 2 new messages , but not from haechan – but from your stalker. ‘you look sexy in that dress.’ your eyes scanned the messages. ‘have fun tonight my love’

he knew you were out on a date? had he been watching you? was he still watching you? you began to sweat , anxiety slowly kicking in – what were you supposed to do now , what if he was watching you now. “(y/n)?” you gasped , jumping , quickly swiveling your body around. “whoa! you okay?”

you sighed , heartbeat coming back down after you came face to face with the man. “haechan.” you said , he smiled. “you okay , you seemed scared?” you nodded , he sat down next to you. “i’m okay , just a bit nervous.” more like scared shitless , but you didn’t want to let him know that. “nervous?” he smirked. “meeting me made you nervous , i’m flattered.”

he sat down , the waiter returning to take your orders , bringing you your drinks , while you got to know each other. “so tell me about you.” you told him what you did for a living , your family even about lily your best friend. “she wasn’t too keen on me coming here alone.” you said. “she’s just a little overprotective , but she means well.” he nodded. “i get it , her best friend is going out with a random dude , i’d be a little weary to , maybe if this goes right , i can prove one day that i’m a nice guy.”

he was such an absolute blessing , like the perfect guy. he was attentive , he listen to everything you said – funny , not even a try hard , he genuinely made you laugh. he was also extremely flirty , not enough to make you uncomfortable , but just enough to make you shy away with a smile , as the date was coming to a end , you felt sad. “why are you frowning , a pretty girl like you shouldn’t be sad?” you smiled , his hand coming up to rub your knuckles. “you are just such a great guy , i just don’t want this date to end.” he smiled , your lips fell into a pout. “it doesn’t have to end here.”

that’s how you found yourself in his car , driving around the city to his condo. “i promised lily i’d come home early , she’s gonna be so mad.” you said , pulling your phone out to text her. “you’re safe with me , i promise.” you smiled , you did feel really safe around him , you felt no sense of danger around him , no red flags going off in your head.

he had your hand in one hand , typing in the passcode to his condo , letting you walk in. “this is really nice.” you took your shoes off. “you must do really well for yourself.” he followed behind you as you walked around. “well i do alright , i work at a tech company.” he was checking all of your boxes , good job , kind , sexy as hell.

“computer nerd , so your sexy and smart.” he came up behind you , his hands ghosting your waist. “sexy huh?” he nose nudged against your neck , you sighed. “yeah.” you breathed , he kissed your neck. “you’re sexy too , been trying to be a gentleman all night long , it was so hard.”

things only escalated from there , he dragged you to his room , unzipping your dress letting it fall the ground. “such a pretty body.” he unbuttoned his shirt , letting it hit the floor , grabbing your jaw , slamming his lips into yours. teeth clashing , messy kissing as he backed you up until you fell onto the bed , undoing his pants. “lay back baby.”

he climbed on top of your body , heavy breathing – his hand coming under your body , undoing your bra , throwing it across his floor. he grabbed your boobs , bringing his lips around it. “fu-fuck haechan.” you moaned , your hands tracing his body until you reached his clothed cock , palming his hard-on. “off , take them off.”

he got off the bed taking his pants off , you took your panties off. he got back on the bed , grabbing your waist , putting you in the face down ass up position. “so fucking wet.” he grabbed the fat of your ass , spreading your cheeks , his face close to your cunt , spitting on your hole , before licking a stripe up your cunt. “h-haechan , oh my god!” you squealed as he ate your cunt like he was starving.

he inserted a finger into your hole , fingering you as he licked your cunt. “you taste so fucking good , pussy is so fucking sweet , want you to cum on my tongue.” he buried his face in your cunt , slurping up all your juices. “haechan , i’m gonna cum!” you were moaning so loud , haechan was sure he’d get a noise complaint , but he didn’t care at that moment , especially when your little hole was clenching around his tongue , signaling that you were close. “fuck , i’m cumming!”

your legs shook as you came , he drank up all your juices , making sure to clean you up real well , before finally coming up for air. “shit , your pussy taste so good , gonna get addicted to it.” he slapped your ass , you moaned , backing your ass up against his cock. “pl-please fuck me.”

he damn sure wasn’t denying you , pulling his underwear down , his cock springing out , slapping against his stomach. “you ready for my cock?” he rubbed his cock along your folds. “yes.” you whimpered. “please put it in.” you wiggled your ass. “want it so bad.”

he pushed his cock into your hole , holding your waist as he seethed his cock all the way inside your hole. “fucking tight cunt.” he pulled out , slamming back into you. “haechan fuck!” you screamed as he rammed into you , cock stretching you out. “fuck your pussy feels like heaven around my cock.”

he pushed your back deep into a arch , hitting a deeper angle , the ass rippling at the impact of him rutting into you. “look at that ass bouncing against me.” he slapped your ass. “beautiful baby , fucking beautiful.” He groaned. “you were made for me , made for my cock , i knew it the moment i saw you.” he grunted. “i knew only you’d be able to take my fat cock.”

you could barely register what he was saying , your mind on cloud 9. “did i do it? did I fuck you dumb?” he darkly chuckled , he could feel your cunt pulsating around him. “you’re gonna cum , i can feel your pretty pussy tightening around me.” he moaned. “go ahead cum for me.” he slapped your ass. “cum on my fucking cock.”

your mouth fell into a ‘o’ shape , eyes rolling to the back of your head as you came , screaming his name. “fuck fuck fuck !” your legs were shaking as he kept slamming into you. “fuck i’m gonna cum , gonna cum on your back.” his thrust began to falter , his falter , his quickly pulled out , cum shooting from his cock on to your back , all over your ass , dripping down to your cunt.

you fell flat on your stomach , worn out. haechan hovered over your body , heavily breathing taking in the sight of your body. “you look beautiful.” he kissed your shoulder. “took my cock like a champ.”

you had fallen asleep , still covered in his cum , haechan promised to clean you off , and he was , he just wanted to look at his work a little longer. he slowly got up , careful not to wake you , reaching for his trusty polaroid camera – cursing as your phone went off , your body twisting and turning at the noises. he picked up the phone reading the contact ‘lily🤎’ , he sighed , he knew from the very beginning she’d be a problem , he’d have to get rid of her sooner or later.

he turned the ringer off , putting the phone down , picking up the camera. he took a photo of your body from every angle , zooming in on your ass , his cum beginning to harden , he had to be quick. he quickly put the camera away after all the photos developed , he made his way out of the room. “haechan?” your voice groggy , he held the photos behind his back , turning around. “gonna get you a rag to clean you up with , go back to sleep.” you nodded drifting back off.

haechan made his way down the hall , to his special room , unlocking the door , walking inside where he is greeted with the hundreds , maybe thousands of photos of you – eating with friends , at work , coming out of your family home after dinner. his cock getting hard again , as he hung up the photos of you covered and his cum ,hanging up the last photo - the picture he took of you sitting at bar fear evident on your face.

it was because moments before he sent that text about how sexy you looked in that dress.

©LUVYENI

[mulletmitsuya]

Tokyo Revengers Siblings Groupchat (Sano's & Akashi's)

Warnings: swearing, suggestive, mentions of drugs/rehab, mentions of stalking (it's all satirical, mostly, and i'm probably using this word wrong), angst? (i wouldn't consider it such but you'll get what i mean)

Desc: just a lil dive into two groups of sibling trios :) this is also the final timeline where everything is okay

Akashi's

Senju: she ate that

Sanzu: ?

Sanzu: what did she eat

Senju: she ate

Sanzu: what

Sanzu: what was it that she ate

Sanzu: who are we talking about

Senju: purrrr💅

Sanzu: what

Sanzu: what the fuck are you saying

Sanzu: you're pissing me off

Takeomi: can you guys shut up

Takeomi: isn't this for important things? like emergencies.

Sanzu: you act like you'd be any help if it was an emergency

Senju: i'm talking about me btw

Senju: i'm at 4 million followers 😋

Sanzu: well i'm at 4 and a half so☺

Takeomi: don't you guys run the channel together?

Sanzu: we required our fans to vote who they were mostly watching for and who's funnier

Sanzu: and that's me

Senju: you're not funny, people just love twinks these days🙄

Sanzu: fuck does that mean?🤨

Sanzu: i'm not a twink? i've been going to the gym for the past year

Senju: do you go there to take pictures or what?

Senju: cause ain't no way

Senju: also, homosexuality + skinny = twink

Takeomi: haruchiyo's not gay

Senju: and who told you that?🤨

Sanzu: i've never been attracted to anyone ever so

Senju: you have a USB of just pictures of Mikey, you fucking freak

Senju: am i just suppose to beleive you just look at them for fun

Sanzu: I'M NOT DOING WHAT U THINK I'M DOING

Sanzu: WHERE DID U EVEN FIND THAT OUT FROM

Sanzu: i'm just admiring him

Sanzu: like stop making this weird

Senju: i'm making this weird? YOU'RE A STALKER

Sanzu: IT'S NOT STALKING

Sanzu: i'm just hanging out with him from far away

Senju: with binoculars?😐

Sanzu: you wouldn't get it

Senju: your guys' obsession with the Sano's needs to be studied

Sanzu: i'm not obsessed, i'm normal

Senju: you could be arrested yk?

Senju: you know how many followers we lost the last time you got arrested?

Sanzu: they came back didn't they??? my acting in my apology video was oscar level. did you see that fucking tear? we actually got more followers after that so fuck you

Senju: chill😭

Takeomi: the "going to rehab" stunt was really good. even got people supporting you. keep up the publicity kid 👍

Sanzu: ...

Sanzu: i actually hate you tbh

Sanzu: i get addicted to drugs and the first thing you think is "how can i capitalize off of this"

Takeomi: ...that's what you did tho?

Takeomi: why are you blaming me for your drug addiction🤨

Sanzu: and you praised me for it

Sanzu: the only time you say anything nice about me is when you benefit from it, especially when there's money involved

Sanzu: but whatever

Takeomi: you blame all your problems on me. you're an adult and actions have consequences, haruchiyo. you sniffed coke, not me

Sanzu: ...

Sanzu: maybe you should admit you're a shit brother

Senju:

Senju: please stop fighting ❤

Senju: peace and love only haha

Sanzu: easy for you to say, he actually likes you

Sanzu: idgaf tho like whatever, i'm leaving

Senju: where?? we have a live in a few minutes

Sanzu: do it without me

Senju: please don't go to the Haitani's, those guys suck, they're a terrible influence

Senju: Haru?

Takeomi: he's gone

Takeomi: don't let him get to you Senju, he's just dramatic

Senju: ...right

Sanos

Izana: who the fuck is outside our window

Izana: it's 9pm

Mikey: what??

Mikey: lemme look

Mikey: oh lol that's just Haru, don't worry about it

Emma: again? Mikey...

Mikey: what?

Izana: what the fuck do you mean "don't worry about it" ????

Emma: you're enabling him :(

Emma: Haruchiyo has mental problems, so maybe you should tell him that, idk, stalking isn't normal?

Mikey: we're just hanging out tho?

Mikey: but from far away

Kakucho: does anyone see flashes from outside?

Mikey: Haru's just taking pictures of me

Izana: ???

Izana: what the fuck

Shinichiro: hey guys! can you guys get under your beds and hide? i think we might be getting robbed 😄

Shinichiro: but i'll take care of it🤞

Mikey: LMAO😭😭😭😭

Izana: what are you gonna do Shinichiro? if i may ask

Shinichiro: ...protect you

Shinichiro: i'm willing to resort to violence to save you guys

Izana: you can't fucking fight😐

Mikey: we aren't getting robbed! my good friend just likes to watch me from my window sometimes and that's okay. Haruchiyo has his own way of doing things, let him be.

Shinichiro: oh. ok!

Shinichiro: goodnight then, i suppose 🤞❤

Izana: no?

Izana: how long has he been doing this?

Izana: this is so weird wtf

Mikey: god forbid gay people have hobbies

Izana: ...?

Emma: what does this have to do with him being gay?

Mikey: idk i think he's in love with me or something, and that's pretty gay

Mikey: which i don't mind

Mikey: people just fall into my hands, i'm charming like that fr

Emma: ...sure🙂

Izana: whatever makes you sleep at night

Mikey: i don't sleep at night, the crippling depression keeps me up

Emma: you sleep 12 hours a day 😐

Mikey: that's not a lot tho

Kakucho: it's half the day...

Mikey: so

Kakucho: nothing

Shinichiro: guys don't sleep too late

Shinichiro: it's waaaay past your bedtime

Shinichiro: early bird catches the worm and all that 😄

Mikey: ...i'm 24

Mikey: fym bedtime🤨

Izana: yeah uh we're all way too old for that

Izana: except Emma

Izana: you should he asleep

Emma: nope, me and my husband are about to try for a baby😚

Kakucho: *my husband and i

Emma: he says hi btw

Mikey: DUDE

Mikey: EWWWWWWWW🤢🤮😭

Izana: what are you, 5?

Izana: also we literally didn't need to know that. i'm really grossed out rn

Izana: what made you think that was okay to say

Emma: because you guys are lonely grumpy men and i have a very active and healthy sexual relationship :))

Emma: i'm being maliceful

Emma: *maleficent

Emma: um i forgot the word

Emma: like, purposefully being mean

Emma: AHA

Emma: malicious

Izana: that took you too long

Izana: and what about it? i'm just not ready to be in a relationship rn and that's fine

Emma: you got drunk last night and cried about how lonely you were😐

Izana: lies

Izana: i need to better myself mentally in order to have a healthy relationship

Mikey: lmao is that what your therapist told you?💀

Izana: yes

Mikey: oh

Emma: ok well i'm logging off. bye🤗

Mikey: i'm gonna have to have a conversation with Ken-chin cause he can't be doing this to my little sister

Kakucho: they are married

Mikey: what's your point?

Kakucho: ...nothing

[wwooyology]

TW: ed, depression, anxiety, health issues, overall mental illness (sorry in advance for the rant as I know I don't normally post private stuff, but I need to get this off of my chest.)

as many of you have probably noticed, I haven't been active all that much here lately aside from posting my angstober fics. this is a result of multiple things, but you guys deserve to know a little bit about what's going on.

these past few months haven't exactly been easy for me and I feel as if my health is just slowly going down the drain. I have an multiple anxiety attacks within the span of a day, my heart problems that I thought had subsided decided to show back up causing me quite a bit of discomfort and pain, not to mention how bad my depression has been getting. I have been stuck in I like to call a brain fog for a while. I don't get the proper amount of sleep or food and it shows, I didn't really notice how bad it was until my grandma pointed out that I had lost quite a bit of weight this past weekend.

I don't think I've had a stretch this bad in a very long time, and to be honest, I have a vague idea as to why this sparked up. when I'm not working my normal job (which is 9pm-7am) I am at home babysitting for my cousin bc the daycares around here suck ass at getting people off of the waitlist. I have been watching this kid since she was about three months old, and she is now well over a year old. when I first started watching her, it wasn't an issue bc she slept most of the time, so that meant that I got a good amount of sleep, however, as many who have kids or babysit know that, as they get older, the less they sleep and will continuously get into things they aren't supposed to. so this also means that the amount of sleep I get in a day dwindles immensely (normally about 3 hrs if I'm lucky). now, I'm sure some of you are probably like...

"kayla why don't you just tell her you don't want to watch her anymore?"

trust me, I wish it were that easy, but I am a people pleaser at heart, especially with family. I can't tell her no and leave her with no one to watch her kid, which means she can't work. she has her family to take care of, so I just endure it. however, what really sucks is that no one really knows what it's like because they aren't me. they do try to help and watch her when they can, but seeing as I am the only one who works the night shift, it makes it difficult to find anyone else.

now, on to another FUN part of my life. my dietary habits. I have, for as long as I can remember, always eaten one meal a day, maybe two if it was close to my period. this has always been a thing, but when I moved in with my aunt, it changed because she always made sure that I would eat at least something. here, as of late, tho, it has gotten worse. I can barely take a bite of anything without the immediate need to go and throw it all back up, then I'm left feeling shaky and nauseous for hours after. I'm not sure what brought this along, but it's only gotten worse as my anxiety has picked up.

I don't want to get too far deep into things and babble about useless things, so I'll just leave this here. thank you to those who have read this far <3

[dawktorsylum]

Posting about my oc Clemént because I think about him a lot. But yes this is intended for shipping

Clem sat on the counter while Mikey cooked, the two weren’t best friends but they did talk to one another abt fashion. Though the conversation at hand wasn’t really that, Clem was listening as Mikey told funny stories about the past things he remembered.

“Oh! Speaking of us purring did you know we basically have an off switch” The orange clad turtle took a sip of the soup he was making.

This made Clement blink “WH-NO???? DD would never tell me this, spill the tea” The taller hummed as Mikey walked over to the sink placing the ladle in it. “Hmmm let me think about it….do i really want to embarrass Dee that badly..” It was quiet for a second before Mikey shrugged “Hell yeah”

Clem snorted “Glad to see all of you grasp as any point to embarrass each other.” Mikey hummed “Of course” he eyed Clem. “Now listen here, like a cat if you scratch under our chin we usually purr but go a little lower and pinch” Mikey lifted his jaw to point at a spot underneath “right here, and basically we lose all sense of reason.” He lowered his head back down “Sorta like we just become jelly in the others arms, our eyes get all wide and we purr like an engine and the chirps are very soft” He huffed, reminded of what his brothers looked like.

Clem smiled softly “Oh? So it’s literally an off switch” they chuckled “Just full mushy brain”

Mikey nodded “yep! It takes a good few minutes to snap out of it but it’s honestly not that bad just not fun when you go like full animal brained y’know”

Clem giggled “actually no, I don’t but I also sorta do…?” Mikey shrugged “Good enough for me, now use this info very wisely. Donnie isn’t a big fan of this trick but since he is seriously obsessed with you i’m sure he won’t mind” Clement giggled again “I wouldn’t say he’s obsessed but thank you, I will use this wisely” Mikey nodded “Sure~” He wiggled his brows. Clem hopped off the counter and flipped him off Mikey just wheeze’d.

A good while went by Clem never even mentioning anything about that trick again. They of course always remembered but never utilized it. Until one day, when Donnie was acting super pissy. He was so frustrated and looked to be on the edge of a break down, nothing about their patrol went according to his plans and Meat Sweats decided to use the poor soft shell as a punching bag today so now Donnie was just sore and angry.

Around 9pm Clement had come over, he heard from Leo how Donnie was acting and felt kinda bad.

Walking into the room Clem spotted Donnie hunched over at his desk, the tan male sighed and made his way over to his reptilian boyfriend.

“Y’know that is only going to make your back feel worse right?” Donnie just grumbled. Clem huffed again “Dude come on, I know you feel like shit so let’s lay down for 5 minutes and I swear on my career you can come back to the computer” Donnie turned around and glared at Clement. But that was all they needed to lift the turtle up by his armpits and throw him on the bed.

“First mistake was facing me” Donnie yelped as he landed on the bed, it was a lot softer then it looked. “Seconded mistake and Allowing Leo to let me in” Donnie glared at the door outside. Looking at Clem as he climbed into the bed Donnie grumbled “This is stupid I don’t need to be resting I need to be working on making a more padded battle shell” Clem just shook his head “No can do, five minutes. That’s all i ask for”

Donnie really wanted to protest but his partner was already lifting him onto their lag. Donnie just sighed as he sat on their lap, his plastron against their chest and his legs hanging off to the back. He was way too comfy now, so he just settled and huffed “Fine…five minutes” Clement nodded, placing soft kisses against the turtles neck and shoulder. Donnie shuddered but leaned closer into the touch, maybe he did need this.

Five minutes pass like no time and Donnie barely noticed, the gentleness of Clement’s kisses against his neck and shoulder made him melt. Five more minutes pass and he was now laying in their lap, his shell against the covers and Clement leaning down to place small kisses on his eyelids and beak, it was around this time he went to lean up.

“Alright, your time has passed love; let me up now” Clements whined “noooo i thought my affection would make you forget” Donnie smiled at their childness “Well it made me stay 5 minutes over time so i’d say your attempts were successful”

Clem groaned “Come on Dee just two more minutes, I saw how you were about to fall asleep. Give in” Donnie blushed softly “You must be mistaken I was just resting my eyes”

Clem rolled his eyes “Yeah sure mister smarty pants, those sighs of relief must have also been a figment of my imagination then?” Donnie nodded “Exactly, now-” He leaned forward trying to sit up again “Let me go”

Clem frowned “Pleaseeeeee Donnnnn, just lay down with me for a little longer! JUST A MINUTE I SWEAR!!!” Donnie sighed “You get one minute”

Clem cheered softly, as Donnie laid back down.

Clem started scratching the underside of Donnie’s chin. It was silent before Donnie started to purr softly Clem giggled as he continued to scratch Donnie’s chin. Donnie only got louder by the second he was pretty happy you could even see small thumps of his tail wagging, slowly Clement made his way down Donnies neck still scratching. Suddenly the human pinched softly at a spot and Donnie’s eyes shot open a squeak coming out of his mouth before his eyes went half lidded and his pupils large. The softshell went from his head being in Clement’s lap to throwing his whole body onto his boyfriend.

Loud purrs and chirps made it’s way up his throat and out his lips, rubbing his whole body against Clem’s hand it looked like. Clem was surprised for a second before giggling using one of their hands they softly traced the spikes on Donnie’s shell and used the other to scratch Donnie’s snout. Churring Donnie’s chest rumbled, his tail swishing against the bed sheets.

Clem chuckled watching as his boyfriend turned into a puddle in their lap, leaning forward they placed soft kisses on every spot they saw on Donnie’s shell. Donnie squirms around a drunk-love sick look on his face. He didn’t like this feeling before but maybe being vulnerable around your partner was something different.

[addictivepsychology]

Day 107/108

I feel so much more calm than I’ve been in past weeks

I think I’m leveling out again

Until my next vacation

Im so excited for my day today,

Yesterday was horrible and long,

So hungover,

I only had 3.5 drinks, I shouldn’t have been that bad,

I think my self care is going down hill again,

I need to slow down

Take my time

Instead of staying busy

And exhausted

Which takes away my anxiety

But I guess that isn’t good for me

I guess

But what is good for me

Everyone lately tells me that they’re comfortable with new,

They feel like they can tell me anything

That they feel so easy with me

But is that our connection or

What

Am I getting lucky and meeting the right people

Or is it

Something

And I know that sounds full of myself

Condescending

Selfish

But I think I’m lucky

Hippie called me today

Said he wants to see how I’m doing

And wants to see me again

But your emotions are like the wind like mine

They’re big and change every minute

Drastically

And while you can be fun, sometimes,

It’s been contributing nothing to me

And I hate to say that

You say you miss me, I said thanks, you’re sweet

You ask me what I’m doing tonight

To hint to come over

I say going to the gym

You quickly say you should go to bed early

The olive branches won’t be long enough

Mine already retracted

Princess

We’ve booked a hotel for this weekend

And I’m so excited

Nervous, but excited

I’ll see you in a different element,

Will we still like each other after it all

I’m so comfortable around you as well

But can we open up more, can I open up more is the real question,

We will have to see

Will you dress how I like,

Speak how I like,

Will we get along in my favorite ways,

I’ll drive up on Friday night after my work party at around 9pm,

I’ll probably get there around 1am, thankfully I won’t be the one checking in,

I want to have a drink, smoke, and bed but

We provably won’t get much sleep

Most men just say they’re caring

But you meant it

And it’s so unusual,

But it never lasts

We will do a lot of forgetting

You say, when we talk about the stresses of work and day to day life, but go onto the topic of our next date,

I haven’t met someone in person and felt okay since my ex,

But this feels pretty okay,

Mister blonde hair , muscles, and no eyes

I’ll have to find a better name

J

I really do love talking to you,

It seems like our conversations never end and they’ll always be exciting,

I think I’m starting to catch onto your moods and the changes in your tones,

Not fully sure yet but getting there,

You’ve started being more you,

You’ve started talking more and being more serious,

You’ve started showing your small things that make you who you are, like sometimes interrupting or talking over each other, but those things wouldn’t matter in person

But we will never meet

You said

But I’m really enjoying getting to know you,

You sent a picture with part of your face and I still don’t know what to expect,

I still can’t figure out what you like like,

You say 8/10,

But that’s subjective right,

And I say I’m about 7.5/8 but that’s also subjective,

I wonder what you would say if you saw my face,

I’m worse than you thought,

Maybe one day we will show, but for now, you’ll have no eyes, and no face,

And so will I

Work was so stressful today

I just wanted it to end

I want to quit

I’ll be babysitting tomorrow, do I’ll have more time to write about it,

I finally got back into the gym!

I’m so glad

Got home do shaky but I ate too much

But probably are enough

Finally

Ending my night my favorite way,

❤️❤️

[annieintheaair]

Gonna meet up with a couple friends, somewhere the heartbreak ends, gonna get back on that barstool again.

The Julia Cole concert was everything and more. I am so glad that I was able to go.

Shinayde decided to come with us to the concert so I drove over to her house where we had some pool time and then got ready and headed out to Dallas. I don't love driving and driving in Dallas really scares me but it was worth battling my fears to have a fun night out on Thursday.

Since we got to Dallas early, we went to Punch Bowl Social for happy hour and then Matt joined us eventually. I knew that Julia wouldn't be on stage until 9pm and I wasn't thrilled about the headliners so when Matt had to run an errand for his job, Shinayde and I ventured over to the rooftop at Stir. The bartender made us some awesome espresso martinis and we talked about how we need to find more rooftop bars.

When Matt was on his way back, Shinayde and I went to RBC for the concert. We got there just before Julia came on stage. I sang my heart out and it felt kind of surreal to be at a concert of the musician that has helped me through heartbreaks.

While Matt and Shinayde were dancing, a guy, Eric, came up to me and we started talking and swapped numbers. Funny enough, he lives in the area that I previously lived in and am moving back to. We chatted for a bit before heading outside for photos with Julia.

I was so excited to meet her and told her that I'd been one of her top Spotify listeners for the past few years. I let her know how her music has helped me put myself back together after breakups and she said to me, "We're in this together!" She's right, and her songs have reminded me that it's ok to feel nostalgic and sad one minute and angry and relieved the next. I have referred to her as my "breakup hype girl" because when I can't find the words to explain how I feel after heartbreak, her songs say it all for me.

We ended up going over to Ebb and Flow for a bit and Eric joined us. Eventually, it was pretty late so we walked back to our cars and headed home. I dropped off Shinayde around 1am and then headed home and went to bed. By some miracle, I managed to get myself out of bed for yoga on Friday morning.

I worked last night to Tulsa and of course, I will be doing the same thing tonight. I only slept for an hour when I got home this morning and then went to yoga. Someone was supposed to see my house today and then never showed up, which was really annoying. It has been quite a lazy afternoon at home, watching movies and napping. ODANs have really been killing me lately since they always seem to be delayed.

Tomorrow is my last full day of being 34, which seems kind of crazy to me. When I think about the last 10 years or so, it feels like some things happened yesterday and other things happened a lifetime ago. In 35 years, I feel like I have lived many different lives in all of the various chapters. Maybe this next chapter, with all of the unknown, will be a really great one, and I just can't see it all yet.

Toss that salt on the back of your hand Raise that double to the single-life A broken heart and a cover band Go down better with a slice of lime Ain't no problem that a sip of reposado Can't fix if you give it a shot Yeah, take it from a girl who's done tried everything else Tequila helps, Tequila helps

xoxo

Annie

[fellpyrean]

Advent Statement 7 - Take the Stairs

Posting this, I actually realized something. Remembered, more like. 

I do actually have two statements I could label the seventh; the one that exists on ao3 which is actually the eighth in the series, and the one I never ended up doing anything with that languishes in my docs bc I ended up deciding it was too lore incompatible, too overwrought, and just generally not that good. 

So here we have the eighth installment: this was the first major roadblock i ended up having in this challenge. My original idea for chapter ‘7′ was to do something for the Extinction! I had the idea and knew what I wanted to do with it, but you see. The character I was writing was so deeply unlikeable I really couldn’t fault the avatar for murdering the shit out of them, and felt like they really should get it over with about 500 words in. 

So I scrapped it, and tried a different Fear for the seventh chapter, and decided to give the Buried a slot. Yet again, I ended up scrapping another idea but this time for the Buried, bc the original one was too damn depressing, so we ended up with spooky elevator. Love the Buried, I really do; but god damn do my ideas for it end up being just the most miserable things. So anyway, elevator. 

Here’s the ao3 link! 

CWs: claustrophobia, blood & injury, crushing injuries

___________________________________________________________

I was never bothered by elevators before. 

I mean, I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to like, hang out in one - gods, who would, I mean, aside from an absolute weapons grade weirdo - but I wouldn’t dawdle if I needed to take one. If it was more convenient, I’d tap the button and wait and that was that. A little unpleasant if it was crowded, but that wasn’t an issue at my job. 

I’m a college student. Foreign language and soc, although the second was kind of an accident. It was just really interesting and next thing I knew, I had enough credits for a minor. Anyway, so this year, I managed to get a job in the department as an assistant. It’s not a lot, but it’s something; I’d wanted a slot in the library but those went really fast. Kind of wish I’d gotten up earlier for my applications now, but. Wallowing won’t do any good. 

Most of my job was just sorting things. Past theses, old boxes of paperwork. One professor had me looking up sources for them, but I, ah. My attention just couldn’t last sifting through a sea of academic articles. So, grunt work it was. 

The perk of this is that, well. I mean, there’s kind of lots of perks; I get to read old theses and they’re honestly pretty fascinating. I could feel one person laughing through the Times New Roman - they did a little experiment in a movie theater and sitting next to people. I honestly can’t remember how the rest of it went, but I remember their observation section was a hoot. But anyway, ah. The main thing I was actually really excited about was, well. I got a key to the elevator. Staff only - plus me. 

It felt covert. Sure, it was just to help move boxes of files around from the disastrous shelves outside the department offices to the storage room in the basement, but just the idea that if I wanted to I could pop up through the elevator to class was, well. Fun. 

It was small and old. A mirror lined the back wall to make it seem a little larger; the lights above were fluorescent and buzzed quietly as the door clunked open and the carpet was cheap, thin. The kind you’d see in a high school, I think, where it’s desperately obvious there’s only concrete a thin layer of woven plastic away. 

There was no music inside, and it was a little awkward to get too many boxes into, but it worked just fine. I played my own music, just through my phone’s speaker since I did most of my sorting after classes were done and the professors had gone home with a wave, so nobody would be bothered. I just had to make sure to be out by 9pm or alarms would go off and Conversations had. 

I remember that night. 

I forget what number box I was on; I mean, I admit I was going slowly on the work. I didn’t want to run out of sorting to do before the end of my semester and job, so I’d say… maybe five, at most. 

But I finished sorting and filtering out the papers that didn’t belong, recycled everything that needed it, and wheeled the box of old theses to the elevator. There was an old ah… dolly, that’s the word. It was red and chipped and probably would die if it had to travel more than forty feet, but it was a short walk. 

The building was quiet, the lights mostly dimmed except for where I worked and walked, where they’d flare back to life just long enough for me to pass. And there was the elevator. Tucked into the central shaft of the staircases which wound around it, at the top floor where I sat, this meant a single, dark stairway yawned off to the left of the dull, metal doors. I slid in the key to unlock the cover, hit the button, and there it was. Nothing unusual, except maybe a little quick. It’d been waiting on the top floor, which should have been a sign in retrospect. 

It should have taken longer. The last person to use it was a professor, and they’d gone down. It shouldn’t have been on the top floor. But that’s the me now talking. 

I didn’t have any reason at the time to think of that, though. I just wheeled in my box dolly and hit the button for the basement. The doors slid shut, and with a little lurch, it began to descend. 

It felt slow. 

Normally I’d zone out into the corner and sing along with whatever and by the time I’d really started to consider the old, peeling paint there, to wonder what else was peeling, I’d hear that cheerful ding and it’d be time to go. But that night… I was staring at the corner for a while. Long enough to note spots of dirt and rust beneath the paint. To let my eyes drift across every sign of age worn into the walls and floor and the flickering, buzzing lights. I shifted a little. I mean, I knew that the elevator was fine. It’d been fine every other time I’d used it. But that night, it felt… smaller than usual. 

Narrower. 

Tighter. 

The wall pressed against my arm. The dolly dug into my side. The lights flickered and buzzed, the hum filling my head as I clung to the cold metal handle, breaths catching in my throat. 

It was too close. Closing in on me, pressing in slowly, unavoidably, as the elevator inched downwards so, so slowly. 

But when I backed against the mirror - when I glanced into its surface, as the air choked in my chest, I blinked. 

The walls weren’t touching me. The dolly sat unmoved against the door. Even as I could feel it against me, closing in around me, the mirror showed… nothing. It showed the floor number flick downwards. 

3.    2.     1.         0. 

The doors slid open with a clunk and air rushed back into the elevator, back into my lungs as I staggered out. 

Behind me, the elevator looked as normal as the mirror had shown. 

I thought it was… a… I don’t know. Stress. Maybe the semester was weighing harder on me than I’d thought. Maybe I felt bad about deliberately stretching out my sorting work. I didn’t know, but I did end up dragging the dolly out as quickly as I could with a tremble still clinging to my fingers, and I didn’t dare close the storage room door as I nearly threw the box inside. 

I took the stairs back up. The dolly could wait in the elevator for someone else to handle. 

I managed to write it off as my mind playing tricks until I got back to my dorm and went to change into my pajamas. 

My side was bruised. Badly. A long stripe of black and greening purple, in the shape of the dolly I’d felt pressed to my side digging mercilessly into my skin as the walls had squeezed in around us. 

It, ah. That well and truly screwed me up, I’ll say. The mirror had… lied? I wasn’t sure how to wrap my head around that. I mean, we trust so much to our eyes, but what do you do when your body and eyes tell you two completely different things? I could feel the bruise when I dug my fingers into my side, could feel the sharp gasp that flared in response and the deep, deep twinge of pain as I squeezed my eyes shut. 

So. My eyes lied. 

I didn’t know what else to do aside from bury myself in my blankets after that and lose myself to sleep. 

The elevator key jingled all the same on my keychain, but it felt heavy now. Mostly I just pretended I couldn’t use it anymore. I didn’t know what had happened, but I wasn’t going to go test it out or anything. The bruises lasted a long, long time; my whole side went black and blue with them, honestly. Nothing was broken, but it definitely looked like I’d gone a losing round with a car. 

I took the stairs a lot. It sucked; my side was, frankly, pissed when I moved. Each step pulled muscles well-tenderized, and the elevator was just right there. It’d be so easy to walk over, slide in the key, and go right on up. But I didn’t. 

I managed to ignore it until. Recently. 

Wish I could say I’d felt antsy or something that day, but no. It was just another day and I headed up the stairs a little later than usual to go do some more sorting, when I saw one of the professors there, in front of the shelf. Since I’d been avoiding the elevator like the plague, I’d kept doing my sorting, but I’d not brought any more boxes down to storage, so it… admittedly, looked like I’d not been doing anything for a couple months. And when I saw them looking at the shelf, and at the sorted but you couldn’t tell from the outside boxes, my heart sank. I looked at the elevator and saw the dolly and I knew. 

I did manage to show to them that I had sorted those boxes, that I really hadn’t been just getting paid to sit around on my phone outside their offices at night, but that didn’t stop them from looking at me with such… annoyance on their face, before they strode to the elevator and hit the call button. 

Get every box you’ve finished into storage tonight, they said, and then… left. 

The elevator dinged cheerfully as the doors slid open. The lights inside were bright and crisp, and the mirror showed me standing there, pale, staring at it like a bear trap placed unavoidably in my path. The dolly was still bright, cheerful red. 

I did try to take the boxes down the stairs. It was a very short attempt. I only managed to get a single box down one flight, my arms and shoulders screaming in protest, before I dropped it with a weighty thud onto the carpet. I exhaled and pulled out my phone. 

I had less than an hour before the building locked for the night, and it had taken me six agonizing minutes to get this single paper-laden box off the shelf, across the landing, and down the first set of stairs. There were three more stories to go, down and up again, a half dozen more boxes and none of them light by any means. 

I’d never finish on time if I didn’t use the elevator. I lugged that one over towards the elevator door on this landing and left it there and trudged back upstairs, trying to work out a way through this that wouldn’t involve… a chance of a repeat. The idea alone made my breaths come faster as I tried to focus on pulling down every, single box, placing them on the dolly and beside the doors, but it was all I could think about. The feeling of those walls, boxing me in, closing in slowly, slowly, to pin my arms to my sides, the inexorable press of metal against my ribs from that chipped, red dolly handle. The horrible feeling of being pinned, of a space so small, so tight and shrinking as I’d tried to watch in the mirror and tell myself it was fine. 

The elevator doors never closed. 

It sat there, patient and waiting, as I neatly and perfectly stacked every box outside it, until I couldn’t dawdle any longer. 

Holding my breath, I nudged the first box between the doors with my foot. And giggled.

 It would make it a little awkward to get around, but the doors wouldn’t be able to close with me inside without me being able to get out, so. It worked. I loaded everything up and, when I was done, kicked the last box inside and closed the doors and sent it on down. 

It seemed reluctant to close; the doors dragged unhappily on their tracks, but they did. And I could have laughed from the relief I felt in that stupid, giddy moment as I watched the number above the elevator count down, heard the whispering slide of hydraulics or rope as it descended, and I felt lighter than I had in months as I marched on down to the basement. I think I did laugh down the stairs, honestly. 

A stupid, echoing cackle of a thing, bouncing up into dark stairwell as I bounced with it. 

I defeated the evil elevator with a box in the door. I was feeling clever, which should have been my sign. 

It’s never a good thing when someone feels clever in a horror movie, and probably less so in real life. Feeling clever means you’ve relaxed. You aren’t paying attention. 

You get sloppy. 

The elevator doors were open again when I reached the basement, as if it had decided the gig was up and it didn’t need to pretend anymore. I still had enough wits about me to slowly scoot a box back between the doors with a broom I got out of a supply closet before I began unloading, but the vague trembling of the elevator only felt funny to me. It was quivering with anger and I was over the moon. 

By the time I finished and closed the storage room door with a satisfying click, I had twenty minutes left in the building. The elevator doors were still open. Still jittering faintly with frustrated malevolence and utterly helpless to act on it unless I walked right in, which I was not going to do. I walked up right in front of the doors and looked at myself smiling in the mirror - a little pale, but otherwise, smirking ear to ear - and hit the close doors button with a flourish. It was a good chunky, old button.

I know I did it. I know that I hit that button and felt that click and turned around to walk away. 

And then, I took a step and found myself standing inside the elevator, face to face with the mirror. There was something wrong with my eyes. Something wrong with my smile. Too bright, too wide, as the doors thunked shut behind me and I could have sworn I heard a laugh. It took a moment, you know, for me to realize. For the image on the mirror to shift from my gleefully twisted face to my face frozen in mute horror. 

I couldn’t understand. I still don’t. But it wasn’t the time to think about it, then. 

Then… then, I whipped around and clawed at the door, at the button panel, but nothing happened. The buttons clicked softly as I pressed them, but otherwise, ignored me. And then the elevator, on the basement floor, began moving down. Where there should have been nowhere for it to go, I felt it. That lurch, the soft sliding noise of descent, that feeling of your stomach jumping ever-so-slightly, but oh… oh so much worse. 

I was stuck. I was stuck and there was no where to go and no way out. Everything went… blurry. I know I backed into a corner. I fell to the floor, my knees pulled in tight. I know that I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, could barely see. My chest burned and ached and then, as the elevator continued going down, down, down to a place that should have been impossible, I felt the wall behind me begin to shift. 

Slowly. Slowly. 

Pushing forward, shrinking and shrinking as I wedged my shoes against the carpet and felt it drag uselessly against the soles. Felt it pushing against my arms, my shoulders straining as it became smaller and smaller. 

And of course, I saw the mirror. I saw myself. Or something like myself. Sitting there, looking back at me with a twisted smile, a face free of the tears I felt staining my cheeks, as it leant lazily back into the corner of a perfectly normal elevator. 

I… I punched it. 

It was too much. Seeing that… that whatever it was in the reflection, lying like that. Telling my eyes that everything was fine. 

I suppose the positive is that that got me up. I think that kept me alive. I would have been worse off if I’d stayed sitting. If the walls had pressed my knees into my chest, if it had kept the air from my lungs that much earlier. It would have been impossible to get up by then, after all. 

I broke the mirror. It broke my knuckles too to be fair, but watching the shattered, bloody web of cracks vanish into the encroaching walls felt so, so much more honest.

It kept shrinking until it was little more than a coffin, no matter how I struggled and pushed at the walls until I was exhausted, with sweat soaking my hair, the back of my shirt. Until I could feel each wall pressed tight to my body, could feel my ribs creak under the pressure as it kept… kept threatening to close that final, tiny distance, but lingered just at the border. There was just enough space for me to gasp in frantic breaths, for me to stare upwards at the remaining single bit of fluorescent above. 

You know what I think? It was playing with me. 

It could have just done it. It could have just crushed me, but it… it enjoyed itself. I could feel the malice in it, every time it edged just that tiny bit more in - but always, always let up if the spots grew too thick in my vision. If it seemed like I’d pass out before it was done playing with its food. It didn’t care as much about my shoulders. They… well. I heard them cracking. 

Slowly, agonizingly. Each and every awful, splintering second as I wondered how much longer it would take. As the pain bloomed and swelled, as my shoulders gave and then the crack of something in my chest and breathing became that much worse. As my despair waned into resignation, as I cursed and could do nothing more than rest my forehead against the wall in exhaustion - 

I heard the most beautiful sound of my life. 

The soft, chiming ding of the elevator arriving at a stop. 

The doors opened, and the walls were suddenly normal, and I collapsed. 

I feel… a little bad. I mean, I didn’t then; I was too delirious and absolutely hysterical with pain and relief to care what the poor lady there to clean the building thought when she opened the door to someone laughing and sobbing limp on the floor, and, well. There was more blood than I thought there’d be, apparently. 

Nobody believed me at first when I told them what happened, but, well. At least the x rays didn’t lie. It’ll probably be a year for my shoulders and collarbone to heal, and that’s assuming the surgeries all go well. There’s only so much they can do for uh… well. I think the doctor used the word ‘pulverized.’ Yeah. They looked a little scared, really. I got to be a medical mystery. 

After all, it’s very, very difficult to cause that kind of damage to yourself when you’re alone in an empty elevator. 

Maybe it was bad of me but… when I saw the way they looked, when they saw the x rays. When they saw the camera footage that showed nothing more than me walking into the elevator at 8:41pm and then nothing. Nothing until that blessed, wonderful lady and her mop came at 5:18am and opened the door to me in a broken heap. I saw the fear in their eyes and I laughed. 

They didn’t like that much either, but at least they don’t make me take the elevators at the hospital. Not alone, at least. 

Oh, can I tell you the best part? The metaphorical cherry in all this? My college is charging me for the broken mirror. Said I broke it, so I need to take responsibility. Can’t argue with it, what with, you know. My blood all over the shards. But still. 

The professor tried to get me in trouble for the box I left on the landing, too. Backed out when they realized I was in the hospital.

Fucking incredible, right? Anyway that’s about everything. 

Could you ah, get the door for me on the way out? Thanks. 

[kelmcdonald]

Happy New Year Everyone!

Crossposted with my newsletter. Please sign up to follow me no matter what social media sites implode!  

Hey everyone! Happy New Year!

 Last year, I was focusing on restructuring some stuff. Last year, I shifted how I interacted with the internet and social media. I did successfully keep up with this newsletter each month, (which I didn't keep up with in previous years. Now that I've stuck with it, I realized it was a bit rambly and disorganized. It made me get a little stuck now and then. So I made these little section breaks/headers. I think it will also allow you all to job to whatever parts of the newletter interest you the most.

Jumping into the New Year, I'm happy to announce that You are the Chosen One will be returning to updates on my Patreon. Since Patreon is not very good at letting people read comics, I'm posting some PDFs of each chapter. Then people can read them in one go. So now is a good time to jump on and catch up with You are the Chosen One. Please back my patreon!

This months discord movie night is gonna be Jan 6th at 5pm PST. We will be watching Ginger Snaps. So if you wanna pop in to watch some teen girl werewolves pop on in! As always I'll be streaming art on Twitch. My schedule is currently the following:

Tuesday 8pm-10pm PST

Wednesday 8pm-10pm PST

Thursday 6pm-9pm PST (during the Iron Circus Geekshow)

Beside reworking the ordering on my newsletter. I'm figuring out the new social media landscape. In a couple of past newsletters I mentioned hiring help posting on social media sites. Twitter still being in the middle of imploding really pushed me to work on that and follow through on it. So if you've noticed my tumblr or facebook has been more active, that's why. Now that my new assistant and I have decent system for the bigger more established sites, we are gonna work on a system for newer ones like Cohost, Pillowfort, and mastadon.

Anyway, here's where you can find me:

https://twitter.com/kellhound

https://facebook.com/kelmcdonaldart

https://instagram.com/keldrawscomicsoninsta…

https://cohost.org/Kelmcdonald

https://pillowfort.social/kelmcdonald

https://mastodon.social/@kelmcdonald

https://kelmcdonald.tumblr.com

https://twitch.tv/kelmcdonald

Once that social media stuff is sorted, I'm gonna start working on cleaning up my twitch. I need to sit down and add some features like a bot that autoposts in the chat some links. Maybe make a little pngtuber icon.

Meanwhile, I'm prepping the final bits and pieces of Failure to Launch, the anthology I'm editing for Iron Circus. The crowdfund goes live next month, so there is a lot of tiny things that need to get sorted before things go live. But the book is great! I'm excited for people to see it.

Also, I recently watched and enjoyed my pal Abby Howard stream her indie game Scarlet Hollow. She got some folks to read all the characters with her and her partner while playing.

It got me thinking that would be fun to do a live reading of my City Between comics. So I've been organizing some friends to read different characters in Fame and Misfortune. I haven't set a date yet, but after reading it, I'll answer reader questions. Please post any readers you have on this public patreon post. Next newletter I'll have a date the stream is happening, and I'll post it on youtube after. 

In the mean time, I posted this last year but reviews for books do help them do better on various sites algorithm. So if you have a moment give some reviews to my books on Amazon or on Goodreads.

Other plans for this month are to try to build some habits that will help me with my new year's resolutions. Like I wanted to get back into exercising regularly. I fell off it half way through the year. The only stuck with it about once a week. So I gotta get back on the work out horse.

I also still have a shelf of graphic novels I've bought but haven't read yet. So I'm gonna try to do one a day, or at least one a week. I'll post about my favorites here.

I mentioned last month that I was mostly drawing. So it was a fairly chill December (ba-dum-tish). But if you might have missed me and Spike streaming on Christmas. We ended up raising $300 for NARAL and had fun playing some Rimworld.  Also, just today it was announce Woman in the Woods is finalist for the Cybils Awards! It's up for best Middle Grade Graphic Novel. Also, question for you all:

Do you like the order these are all in?

I was also thinking about putting each months City Between pages and an art around up at the end of each month's newletter. Would that be something you'd all be interested in? Or would it make the newletter have too much scrolling.

Thanks for all your support!

[chryblossomjjk]

glimpse of us (old concept) | jjk

→pairing: drummer!jk x reader

→rating/genre: m/18+ | was gonna be ex2l, smut, angst, fluff

→word count: 1k

→warnings: cursing, implied infidelity, jk smokes ciggys </3

→summary: You shouldn't have gone to the bar tonight, but you couldn't resist the urge to see Jungkook one last time.

→notes: ok so lmao !!! this is an early early concept of this fic. i wrote this before i even started my blog. i've turned glimpse of us into something COMPLETELY different, so this portion would've never seen the light of day. i sort of broke my ideas for this fic into other fics and wips (which u can probs tell if u've read my masterlist lol). but i found it in my drafts and thought it would be fun to share! and who knows... if u guys really like the concept kiki might consider making this into it's own thing (with a new name obvi). sorry if there’s typos !! tis was just a draft 💗

The static sound of muffled conversations was deafening. The low rumble of the blaring bass felt sharp against your spine as you leaned against the brick wall of the club. The cool night provided no relief to your burning skin. You inhale deeply, trying to calm the pounding in your chest.

What the fuck are you doing?

Shaky hands tug on the zipper of your shoulder bag, rummaging through the clutter until you find your phone.

11:45 p.m.

SAN still can’t believe u ditched me for shots w ur evil coworkers

SAN kidding lol have fun tonight babe

SAN call me when you get home so I know you’re safe

The sick feeling of guilt began bubbling in your stomach again. Especially when you unlocked your phone and were slapped in the face by your home screen. A picture of you and San at his cousin’s wedding last month.

The circumstances that led you to the bar tonight were questionable, to say the least. Sure, it was a decent place. The modern vibes lured in college students every weekend with the promise of live entertainment and a possible bathroom quicky afterward. You weren’t here for the ladder.

Friday nights were usually spent in the tub; soaking your sore body after a long week of catering to bridezillas and their overbearing mothers. Your boyfriend of three months, San, was currently at the campus library studying for finals. You should be too, however, you couldn’t resist the magnetic force that brought you here tonight. The pull personified as a post you stumbled upon while scrolling through your Instagram feed:

BTS LIVE. FRIDAY @9PM.

This was for closure. After tonight, you would purge your mind of the thing that held it captive for the past two years. You just needed to see the band one last time before you finally severed your connection to them, or more so, your connection with one specific member…

You shook your head, trying to erase your mind and focus on the task at hand; getting the fuck home. Your apartment wasn’t too far from your current location. Only about a ten-minute walk. But the heels you had been wearing all day fucking killed. Maybe that was your punishment.

You open the Uber app, but before you order yourself a ride, your screen stalls and fades to black.

“Fuck!” You whisper yell and stomp your black stiletto on the concrete. Very dramatic of you. In your defense, it had been a long, emotionally taxing, day. You wanted nothing more than to cry on your shower floor and send all your pent-up emotions down the drain. You pressed your palms into your eyes, head slumping down. The tears were already threatening to pour. This was a mistake.

You take another breath, trying to collect yourself. The oxygen gets caught in your throat when your momentary breakdown is interrupted by an all-too-familiar voice.

“Are you okay?”

As if the night couldn’t get any worse.

You turned your head to follow the sound, hoping the voice was a figment of your imagination. A cruel joke your mind was playing on you for coming here tonight.

It wasn’t.

Lifting your head and looking to the side, your eyes follow the sound.

Jungkook.

He’s sitting on the ground, back against the wall behind him. No regard for the gorgeous red fabric of his pants and matching jacket that his newfound success allowed him to afford. His head was tilted downward. The clicks of his lighter cut through the silent night air as he struggled to light the cigarette between his pink lips.

Although you’d never admit it, you had been keeping up with his social media accounts since the breakup. An entire two years ago. But nothing could’ve prepared you for when he took his seat behind the maroon drum set on the right side of the stage.

His once choppy bangs were now long and wavy, parted in the middle. You hadn’t noticed the undercut from your spot in the back of the crowd, watching him drum his heart out on stage. It was clear now, the downward angle of his head giving you a glimpse as his hair splayed over his eyes.

His chest was peeking out of the animal print blouse he was wearing. The old Jungkook would have never worn something so flashy.

Your Jungkook…

He had grown since the last time you saw him. That much was apparent. The gym selfies he frequently posted let you know he had taken on a new hobby. It was paying off too. His arms had filled out, bulging against the material of his coat. Nothing like the noodles you used to tease him for when you would watch him practice combos in his parents’ basement.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook spoke louder this time. The end of his sentence was cut off by a cough as he exhaled a puff of smoke. He had never been one to mind his own business. Always had something to say. A blessing and a curse. Currently, that quality of him you found endearing felt like a hex as he flipped the black strands out of his face, lifting his head in search of a reaction from the person ignoring him.

You didn’t miss the way his defined brows scrunched up in the middle when his eyes met yours.

Big and round. Still warm and innocent despite his progression from a boy to a man. The passage of time did nothing to diminish their light. All that passion. All that fire. They were the same eyes that haunted your mind, making your own well up with tears at the memory of them. The same eyes that you pretended you saw when you looked into San’s, hoping to get a glimpse of what was.

“__?”

You had no time to run. No time to craft an explanation as to why the fuck you were here. Frozen in place. You parted your glossed lips to speak, but nothing came out.

“__, what the fuck?” He didn’t sound angry. Didn’t look it either. Why would he be? Your break up was civil, a mutual decision. Your lives have become parallel. His band was taking off. You were busy with college. Your paths couldn’t intersect anymore.

He seemed more confused than anything.

[deliriousgeek]

Thomas Shelby x Wife Reader

Summary: A quiet evening meant for celebration is thrown into chaos. Y/n wills herself to play into the daunting role that comes with being Thomas Shelby’s wife, because it might be the only thing keeping her alive. 

Masterlist

Tommy lowkey feels very oc so idk how to feel about that. im not good at writing suspense...its also very long. ha :,)

Warning: blood, guns, knives, fights, usual peaky blinder violence

If anyone knew Y/n Shelby, then they would know that she can’t stand seeing dead bodies. Although in her case, having that reaction would seem ironic, considering her husband was Thomas Shelby. 

It was around 9pm when Y/n slipped her night robe off and lay back on her bed. Her night was just winding down and she was waiting for Thomas to get back. He said he would try to be home around midnight, and to not wait up. He and his brothers would be at the Garrison, celebrating Arthur’s return from prison and discussing what was to be done with the Jews and Italians next. 

Y/n knew it would be a couple hours for Tommy to be home, so she settled onto their bed and grabbed a book off her night stand. 

The room was bathed in a warm, orange and yellow light— the type of light candles can give. When she was home alone, Y/n liked to use candle light. It reminded her of a time before the war and before this gang business, when all she and Tommy had to worry about was getting enough candles to light up the dinner table. 

Half an hour had passed and Y/n had gotten through a decent number of pages in her book. She felt her eyes drooping and decided it was time to call it a night. She stretched and cracked her neck before turning to place her book on the nightstand. Just as she was about to place the book down, she heard a creak downstairs. 

She froze.

Tommy wasn’t supposed to be back until midnight and none of the Shelby family would come over this late without a call, that was their safety protocol. 

She listened for more creaking. 

After Tommy had bought their house he had insisted on replacing the creaky floor boards, but decided to keep a few. In certain spots, that could be easily avoided if one knew where to walk, the floor would still creak. It was a safety thing that Tommy and Y/n agreed would be good to have. If the floorboards downstairs still creaked after the first step, it wasn’t one of them. 

Creak...creak...creak...

That wasn’t Tommy. 

Y/n took in a deep breath as she put herself back into a sitting position on the bed. An intruder was in her house. At the moment, the Peaky Blinders had a lot of enemies. It could be anyone. Mostly, someone with a gun. 

She listened as the person made their way upstairs. She could hear them passing Tommy’s office, and the guest bedroom. This person knew where their room was, and she could only deduce from their movement’s that they were coming for her. 

Y/n was scared. She knew how to defend herself, but didn’t like doing it if she didn’t have to. Rolling her shoulders, she prepared herself for the inevitable. She’d have to fight tonight. 

To be clear, Y/n Shelby wasn’t unable to fight. She was a pro at throwing knives, which she preferred to guns; much to Tommy’s dismay. She knew how to shoot a gun and could decently fare in hand to hand combat, but she was still scared. Her heart beat in her chest quickly and anxiety bubbled to the surface. A normal reaction to knowing someone broke into your house to hurt you, or worse. Y/n assumed it was the latter. However, instead of letting her fear show, she turned on her fake calmness. A trick she forced herself to learn as Thomas Shelby’s wife. The alarm that was spread across her face vanished, instead being replaced with an eerily calm facade.

There was no point in locking the door. The person knew how to get past those if he made it into their living room. She heard their steps stop at the front of her door, she raised her book to her face, pretending like she was reading.

Act calm. She told herself.

Then, the door burst open.

Back at the pub, the Shelby brothers  were sitting around the table in the snug. Sharing laughs and taking on their third round of Whiskey.

“Alright boys,” Tommy began, placing his glass down and looking around the table. “We’ve had our fun, business begins now.” His content expression turned serious. 

His other brothers, and cousin Michael, cleared their throats and straightened up. 

“As you know, taking Arthur out of prison is a direct threat to the Sabini’s. It shows that even in London we have enough influence to get our own men out, if needed.”

The brothers nodded, and shared looks.

Tommy continued, “Getting Arthur out was our first move. Now it’s the Italian’s and the Jew’s turn but we don’t know when their next strike will be. So, from this moment on we have to be aware, alert, and ready for every—”

The door flew open.

Sir!” Out of breath, Isaiah stood with one hand on the door knob, looking at Tommy. 

“Oi!” Arthur shouted. “You know better than to interrupt!” 

Tommy nodded his head at Arthur, then turned to Isaiah. “What is it, lad.”

“Better be important,” John added. 

“Sir, the Italians are here. My dad spotted them making their way down the lane. They got a group with guns and a car. We best hurry.” Isaiah said in a rushed voice.

With that all the Shelby men stood and placed their caps on, rushing out of the snug. 

Upon noticing the urgency in which the brothers exited, the rest of the Peaky Blinders in the pub were at full alert, waiting for Tom’s next words. The crowd silenced as the brothers stood at the snug doors, facing the onlookers. 

“If you aren’t a Peaky Blinder,” Tom eyed the crowd, “leave.” 

Noise filled the bar again as chairs shuffled, cups were placed on tables, and the front doors opened and closed.

Tom didn’t speak again until there were only Peaky Blinders left. He pulled out his revolver and checked it, making sure there were bullets, before looking up again. 

“Battle formation, men. The Italians are here.” 

Then in a flurry of peaky hats and over coats, the rest of the men got into their positions. Some ran up the stairs to get the extra cases of shotguns and revolvers. Others pulled out their own handguns and checked them as well. The Shelby boys looked at each other, a silent way of saying ‘good luck’. 

Once Tommy deemed every one armed, he nodded to Arthur, who shouted to move out. 

The Shelbies were at the front, while everyone fell behind them in triangle formation. As they marched outside, they could see the group of Italians rounding the corner. 

It was rather intimidating. An outline of men and guns on shoulders, a rather sizable group at that, illuminated by the truck headlights that followed behind. It was a sight to see.

Darby Sabini stood at the front, a shotgun slung over his shoulder.

As the groups marched towards each other and came to a stop, a man behind Thomas called out to the front. “At your command Sergeant Major.”

A hushed tone of agreement spread throughout the group.

Darby stepped forward. “Thought you could come on our turf and get away with it, aye?” 

Tommy stepped forward as well, hands in his pockets. “It was meant as a friendly gesture, but I don’t think you have enough friends to know what that means.”

A small smirk made its way onto Tommy’s face as he stared Darby down. 

Darby narrowed his eyes, irritated at that remark. “I’ll show you what friendly means. Now!”

A hail of gunfire began and the sound of shots being fired filled the lane. It was chaos. Bullets flew and body’s fell. Punches were thrown and blood was spread. More men jumped out of the covered truck and ran to beat down the men on the other side. 

Tommy ducked and punched, kicked and shot. In the middle of punching a man in the gut he yelled, “Leave Darby for me!”

His men did just that. 

Thomas fought his way to the center of the fight, where Darby had just knocked out a Peaky Blinder. Tommy aimed his gun and walked forward, aiming at Darby. The fighting on both sides ceased.

“I didn’t bring a battalion to your town.” Tommy spoke clearly, in a raised voice. 

Darby aimed his gun as well. The two circled each other as men on both sides stopped to observe the interaction. They watched Tommy and Darby tread carefully, like two tentative predators waiting for their opposer to falter.

“You still showed up. That was enough.”

The two men were breathing heavily, a result from the brawls they just finished.

“What’s your purpose for being here, Sabini?” Thomas stopped pacing, his gun still firmly held up. 

Darby stopped as well. An obnoxious laugh left his lips. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Tommy didn’t move. He held a blank face, but his eyes still watched Darby with intensity. 

Not waiting for a response Darby continued, “I’m reminding you that I can take away everything you have in an instant. I already put your brother in jail, which it seems wasn’t a good enough warning for you, since you stupidly had him released so quickly.”

Darby took a couple steps toward Thomas, gun raised. 

“Killing me won’t do anything. I got people in place to still ruin you.” Thomas stated, his tone flat. 

Darby lowered his gun, a sickly calm smile spread across his face. It was an unsettling sight that made Tommy begin to think something was off.

“Oh Tommy boy, I’m just the distraction,” Darby’s eyes noticeably darkened, “How’s your wife these days?”

Tommy’s eyes widened and his finger pulled the trigger.

Darby fell to the ground dead, a bullet was lodged in the center of his forehead. 

Then like a wave, the fighting began again.

As soon as the gunshot rang, Tommy saw red. He shot, punched, kicked or swung at anyone in his way as he fought to get out of the crowd. He didn’t bother shouting an explanation to his brothers as he ran to his car. 

Tommy shoved his keys into the ignition and started the car. Tommy slammed his foot on the gas as soon as the engine roared to life. The car’s lights illuminated the carnage left from the battle. The Peaky Blinders were the last ones standing, as Tommy expected, but paid no mind to. His thoughts too consumed with conjuring the hundreds of horrible possibilities he might see upon arriving home, all ending with a bloodied image of Y/n.

John and Arthur ran towards the car, causing Thomas to slam on the breaks. 

“Where are you going?” John asked urgently. 

“They’re going for Y/n.” Thomas hastily replied.

John and Arthur jumped on the side of the car just in time before Tommy could speed up again. 

Michael and Finn watched as the older Shelby boys passed them. 

“Great. So we’re left to clean up the mess.”

At the house, Y/n held her book to her face as the door burst open. She turned her head and was met with the sight of a man pointing a gun at her. His clothes were clean and he looked very young. Her eyes flitted from the gun to his shoes, then to his eyes, then back to the gun. 

“On your feet.” He demanded. 

“What?” Y/n feigned innocence, despite her struggle to keep calm.

The man, gun still held towards her, trudged over and ripped the book from her hands, throwing it onto the floor. 

“I said on your feet!” He yelled in her face, backing away so he was a few feet from the bed.

She stared into his eyes, an impassive look on her face. Y/n looked back down at the gun. 

With a purse of her lips and a shrug she stated, “I’d rather not.”

The man’s soldier esc demeanor nearly slipped at her blatant defiance of his orders. “It’s not an option lady! Get up.”

She chuckled. “Y’see, lad. I’ve been on my feet all day. Have you ever worn heels for over six hours? Rather painful you know.”

Her cocky attitude betrayed her quickly beating heart that was full of adrenaline.

In an effort to scare her, he menacingly stepped forward. “I ain’t afraid to hurt you lady, but the boss wants you alive. If you keep disobeying me, I'm allowed to use force.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh really, and who is your boss? I must thank him for not wanting me dead.” 

She knew she was playing with her life, but if this boy was as inexperienced as he looked, she would get the information she needed to warn Tommy. Granted, if she got out of this situation. 

“Sabini.” The man bluntly answered. 

Y/n swallowed. This wasn’t good. If Sabini’s men were here and not in London, she needed to warn Thomas immediately. Her heart pumped faster than she thought possible and every nerve in her body was on the verge of trembling from fear.

“I see.” Y/n turned her head to the foot of the bed. “Well, like I said, I’d rather not get up. Matter of fact, I’d rather keep reading. So be a dear and hand me my book, would ya?” She was stalling.

“C’mon lady, stop being stubborn. You don't even got a weapon to be making these demands.” The man sneered.

Y/n slowly adjusted herself so that she scooted away from the pillows that propped her up. She straightened her legs on the bed, her left crossed over her right. Then she leaned back on her arms, purposely pushing up her chest to show off her unbinded chest. Hopefully, he’d be dumb enough to look at her distraction, and he was. 

“Ah, well. It was worth a shot. I can tell that you're new to this whole— kidnapping thing. If you want to get better at it then you should learn this.” She paused before looking back at the man, “Always do research on your target.”

The young man’s brows furrowed, obviously confused. 

“If you did your research, like a good little gangster,” She began as she slid her left leg up off her right, causing her silk nightgown to slowly expose her leg. The man’s eyes roamed her leg once she stopped moving, leaving her left leg in a bent position. She reached for the hem of the dress and raised it further up her left leg, stopping until it got to her mid thigh, “Then you would know, that I’m always armed.”

In a swift and well practiced motion, Y/n grabbed the sharp, throwing knife from her thigh holster, and threw. The knife landed in the man’s chest, in his heart. Looking down at the knife, the man stumbled backwards, tripping over his own feet and falling onto his back. Blood quickly formed a growing splotch of red on his shirt. Y/n quickly stood from the bed to remove the gun from the man’s hand, she then crouched over him. 

She placed her hand on the knife handle, “It was a shame you didn’t do your research.” Then she pushed the knife forward, until she felt through the blade that it had really punctured his heart.

Y/n stood over the man’s body, gun in her hand, and watched the blood puddle grow. She backed away until her knees hit the bed and gave way. Letting out a shaky breath, she sat with the gun in her lap. In an attempt to avoid looking at the body laid in front of her, Y/n stared at the ceiling. 

The adrenaline began to wear off, and the reality of the situation dawned on her. She could have died, quite easily too. If her attacker had not been so inexperienced and if she wasn’t wanted brought back alive, she could have died. Then, she thought of her husband.

Tommy. 

Had the man lying dead on her carpet opened the door and shot, Tommy would have had to come home to her dead body instead. The thought of Tommy finding her body, cold and bloody, scared her more than death. She couldn’t imagine the pain of him being alone. He would blame himself for her death. He would say he couldn’t protect her, and he would loathe himself for the rest of his life. Tears began to prick her eyes and her throat tightened. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears to go away and for her erratic heart beat to calm down. 

She killed a man.

That’s the only thought she could process. Her emotions muddled her thinking. Never before had she used her knives to kill. She used guns, from far away. She used punches to knock people out. She used her knives to injure, but never before had she needed them to kill. She was slightly glad for the memory of Tommy coming back home from an errand, returning with the thin knife holster that he insisted she wear when he wasn’t home. She was also glad that she made it a rule for herself to never take it off unless Tommy was home with her. 

Then, the silence of the house was broken again. She flinched. This time, the sound came from the front door slamming open and muffled shouts that she could only register as her name. 

“Y/n! Y/n where are you?” The voice shouted.

She couldn’t pinpoint who it was, not in her boggled state of mind, but she knew it was safe. So she answered. 

“In the bedroom.” 

Her eyes were still shut and her head faced the ceiling when Tommy rushed in.

“Y/n.” His voice was slightly breathless as he took in the sight before him. 

The room was covered in warm, candle light, giving a complete opposite tone to the tense atmosphere. His wife sat on the bed with a gun in her lap. A man, with his wife’s knife in his chest, laid dead on the ground and a puddle of blood surrounded his wound. 

Y/n opened her eyes and looked at her husband. She could see the fear and worry that filled his eyes, his face in slight shock.

Thomas was relieved to see his wife unharmed, but he could see the tears that were threatening to fall. Her slumped shoulders were signs of exhaustion. The way her chest moved up and down with heavy breathes told him she was on the verge of holding herself together. 

Arthur and John came bounding up the stairs next, and found their places on either side of Thomas. 

Y/n’s voice came out void of emotion, but her teary eyes said it all. “One of Sabini’s men.” She stated before turning her eyes to the ceiling once more, trying to blink away tears. “Please get him out of my sight.” The growing puddle of blood made her want to throw up. 

“You heard her,” Thomas said in a low tone, staring at his wife with concerned eyes. “Get rid of ‘em.” His voice was just above a whisper.

Arthur and John stepped forward, grabbing the man by his arms and lugged him out of the room. Only once the man had been removed did Thomas walk towards his wife. Only when he wrapped his arms around her did she let herself cry. She let herself sob and express how truly scared she was when the man burst into her room, and pointed a gun to her head. 

Thomas held her close and kissed her head. He whispered in her ear that she was okay, and that she did what she needed to do. Holding her close, he told her he loved her, and promised to never let anything like that happen to her again. 

Masterlist

well I tried

Edit: Bro this blew up in less than a day with 41 notes. Thank you♡

[mountswhore]

𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞 — mason mount

summary: you’d grown tired of mason putting everything else before you, but he wants you to stay.

notes: requests are open

“Please don’t make me choose.” + “I can be your reason why.”

“I have training today,” Mason grumbled against your skin, holding you tighter as if it would stop him from all responsibilities today. But you just smiled, still half asleep after Mason accidentally waking you up. He’d gotten a text from one of his Chelsea teammates, and a string of profanities had followed, waking you up in pure confusion. 

“Come on, bubs.” You replied, now turning over to cuddle into his chest. “You know you can’t miss training.” And just like that, he was okay with going. You always reminded him how important the things in his life were to him, even in moments of doubt and exhaustion.

But these past few weeks had been weird. He’d have training, come home briefly, before leaving for the night. He’d mumble that he was going out with Dec and some of the other boys, but get home at gone 1am, most of the time drunk. The first few days it was fine, he wanted to have some fun during the rare days off between games, but after a week of him just about kissing your cheek before leaving, it was eating at you.

You began to think you were the reason why he stayed out late every night — was it something you were doing wrong? You didn’t even have the time to confront him, because you’d gone to bed before he came home, and you’d be up for work before he woke up. You’d only catch glimpses of the other as they slept, barely having time for conversation.

The only time you’d had a full conversation, was the argument you’d had with him. He’d gotten home from training, throwing his training gear beside the washing machine and heading upstairs, where you laid in bed with a book. You patiently waited for him to shower and get into bed with you, but he didn’t. He’d gotten dressed up nice, answering to phone to Declan, saying he’d be out in five minutes.

“Where are you going now?” You huffed, your attitude shining through the tone of your voice. Mason just sighed and turned to face you, moving to the bedroom door to exit for the night.

“Out.”

“No shit. But for the third time this week, Mase? It’s Thursday night.”

“Does it fucking matter?” Mason complained, running his hand through his hair and pulling at it gently.

“Yes, it does. Because every time I think we’re going to have some time together, you’re getting ready to leave. It’s been everything but me recently, and I don’t usually mind because you’re a busy man. But I’m getting to the point where you need to choose.” You argued, throwing the book to the side of you, forgetting about the lost page and focused on the shocked expression on Mason’s face.

“Please don’t make me choose.” He hummed quietly, not wanting to argue or ruin his night. You just scoffed and picked up your book, flicking through to find a familiar block of words. Mason had just quietly left, something he’d been doing a lot recently.

But you’d found the perfect time to reconnect with your boyfriend again. Your anniversary was fast approaching, and you were giddy every morning you’d woken up. Putting yourself through long hours of work was worth it, because you’d saved enough to buy him a watch he’d been wanting for months but never bought it for himself.

On the evening of your anniversary, you’d gotten out of work early and given yourself a pamper. His favourite dress, favourite heels he’d bought you, your hair just the way he likes it. And the watch in a small bag beside the meal you’d cooked. And you waited. You knew he wouldn’t be dressed for the meal immediately, he’d have to go and have a wash, but he’d run over his confirmed finishing time of 6. As every half hour had passed, you’d felt the tears sting your waterline. Not only had he not shown up, but he had clearly forgotten. It had gotten to 9pm now, and you were on the couch in your pyjamas with a bottle of wine to accompany you.

The whole bottle was finished when he finally got home at 10.14. He’d smelt the food as he walked in, dying to taste whatever you’d made, but you weren’t there. Just two plates sat at the island, burnt out candles and a wrapped up box between the two plates. He quickly reached for his phone, seeing he had just over 90 minutes before your anniversary was over. He’d completely forgotten, and he couldn’t make an excuse.

He huffed, checking the living room, only to find an empty wine bottle and the tv still playing quietly. The house was dark, eerie even. He’d jogged up the stairs, finally finding your shaking form in your shared wardrobe. You had a suitcase open, throwing your clothes into it carelessly as you sobbed. To him, it was just a missed anniversary. But to you, it was the death of your relationship. Clearly it was going nowhere and there was no reason to stick around.

“Bubs,” Mason spoke, his voice shaking as it raised. He tried to remain firm, but with the thoughts rushing through his head, it was hard to do so, “where are you going?” You ignored him, still shoving clothes into your bag and finally zipping it up. You didn’t know where you were going — friends, family, even your car, anywhere was better than here. In this loveless house.

You finally barged past him, dragging the suitcase downstairs. “Bubs, answer me. Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.” You sighed, shoving your feet into your shoes once your suitcase was safely on the lower floor. “I don’t want to be here anymore, Mase. I can’t be here anymore. Why should I keep doing this to myself?”

He was losing you, it was obvious to him now. All those late nights he’d spent with Dec, Reece, Ben and Kai. Having fun. Whilst you were at home worried sick about him. “Please don’t go, we can talk this out. We can make this work. Just stay here, Y/N.”

Your name was rarely used by him, only pet names were thrown around to get your attention. But by the look on Mason’s face, he was 100% serious. He wasn’t letting you go this easy. You just stared at him, the man who used to make you cereal at 5 in the morning when you didn’t want to get out of bed, the man who would take you on late night drives because you couldn’t sleep, the man who wouldn’t go a day without telling you he loved you. It was different now.

“Why should I stay? There’s no reason for me to stay with you, Mason. We’re barely a couple.” You admitted, pulling the door open. But Mason grabbed your wrist, making you stop in your tracks. You didn’t think you could look at him anymore, you were putty in his hands when he pulled out the puppy eyes.

“I can be your reason why.” He stated, pleading with you to stick around. To give him the chance he so clearly didn’t deserve.

[papergirllife]

First Love

Lucas Wong / Yukhei

"They say first love is a special experience that one would always hold a special place in your heart. Wong Yukhei was your first love in high school, but along the way, you had to say goodbye to him in order for him to achieve his dream of becoming a star in Korea. Yet fate and destiny plays its role in paving the two of you an intersection once more, will the two of you and up together at the very end?"

Warnings : smut, unprotected sex, mild angst, a child (pregnancy not described), tooth rotting fluff (all in that order, kinda)

A/N : this is one of my most heavily devoted works I've ever written, so please, of you're comfortable, drop a feedback to tell me if you guys like this writing style, thank you!

Lucas Wong of NCT and most importantly his own fixed unit, Wayv, the man who garners attention and love wherever he goes, that dazzling smile is sure to be captured by numerous cameras of awaiting fans.

But to you, Lucas was never Lucas, to you he was Yukhei, and more significantly, your ex from high school. Yukhei was your first love, you remember when the two of you had first met in Year 9, Yukhei was known for being a class clown and more of a klutz, girls would always have a soft spot for him even if they didn't like him in that way.

Yukhei was your desk mate for Year 10, the thing got you on your nerves about him was that he never took group assignments seriously, and was never at school on time, his uniform was wrinkly from rushing out of his house to catch the bus and always had a stationary missing, which means he had to borrow yours.

You never hated him, hate is a strong word, things were very neutral with him, most times, he unintentionally annoys you, but he'd always make up to you by bringing you a small bottle of apple juice the next day. The only time the two of you really fought was when he had not spoken up when his friends snatched your book away from yours to copy you off, brushing it off as a small matter.

You were quite an immature person back then, and no one can blame you, you were just a teenager, and being said that, you had refused to lend Yukhei a ruler when the math teacher did a pop quiz, so he had to use the dust pan as no one, other than you that is, brings an extra ruler.

It's not your fault, you thought back then, he shouldn't have depended on you to bring his share of stationaries. The next day, you walked into class to see his group of friends waiting at your desk to apologize to you, and as for Yukhei, he had yet again brought you a bottle of apple juice, with the addition of your favourite bar of Cadbury.

It was only in Year 11 when Yukhei had confessed to you, saying that all those annoying things he did to you were just to catch your attention, of all the girls he could've liked, he chose the one who was the most unattainable, go figure.

The next year, when the two of you were looking to apply to the same college, Yukhei broke the news to you that he'd be packing his bags for Korea, that the audition he had joined just for fun accepted him as a trainee in a large entertainment company in Korea that everyone in Hong Kong knows, SM.

At first you didn't approve of his decision, that his education was important as well, that he had a life here, with you. But Yukhei had given very valid reasons to you, that he wouldn't have passed the college entrance exams if it weren't for your tuitions until late at night in the public library, that he didn't really have an interest in studying. His most valid reason was that he didn't want to take a toll on you when you’re in college, he can't have you sacrifice your sleep and attention for him just to have him attain passing grades.

So you let him go, saying your last farewell to him at the airport as his girlfriend and ex girlfriend.

That was the last time you saw him, choosing to not stay in contact with him as you poured your soul into university life, studying like your life depends on it, you had a few boyfriends here and there, nothing serious, nothing that made you felt like your first love. Maybe you had trouble moving on, or maybe it was just stress, you thought back then, shrugging the thought off casually before diverting your attention else where, this cycle carried on until you came out to work.

Fast forwarding to March of 2019, you had unintentionally came across of a news online that Yukhei had finally been placed in his own fixed unit that would be promoting and performing in Chinese, which isn’t surprising, even the Thai member, Ten, was of Chinese heritage. What made your eyes widen was the fact that they were coming to Hong Kong.

At the day of the fan meet, you had took the day off from your boring low paying job at the law firm, so much for studying your ass off for bar exams, you’re just filing on a daily basis.

Before the day of the fan meet, you had lived off of instant cup noodles for a few weeks just to buy the album and their light stick. When you first listened to the album, you were proud of Yukhei’s rapping skills, you still recall the days when he’d struggle with his mandarin oral tests, the teachers there must be much better than you for him to improve so much, smiling fondly at the old memories.

You waved the light stick and sang along just like the other fans beside you, mesmerised by the performance that the boys are putting up, but your eyes were mostly on Yukhei, you would’ve never thought the once clumsy giant like him would dance as fluidly, executing the moves just as well as the other smaller sized members.

You watch as Yukhei introduces himself and his non Cantonese members in his mother tongue, a feeling of familiarity settling into your mind.

You are quite a confident person, but queuing up to the long table where Yukhei sat at the corner was nerve wrecking to you, what would he say to you? Would he recognise you? It hasn't been that long, but the two of you had done some changes to your looks.

The other members had greeted you with a friendly smile and a few casual questions like have you eaten, but they seem a bit taken aback by the lack of fan girl attitude that most of the fans in front of you had.

When you had got to Yukhei, he had dropped his marker on the floor, his head ducked out of sight to retrieve it, but when he came up to apologise, the words were stuck in his throat, as his eyes opened as wide as saucers. He coughed to mask the surprise on his face.

“Hi, how are you?” He asked as he took your album into his hands, scribbling something down.

“Good, how have you been?” although his hair is coloured, his eyes had contacts, and he wasn't in his messy uniform, the smile on his face never changed.

“Great, it's nice to see you,” to other fans and the staff beside him, they might think it's just one of the standard answers, but you knew Yukhei like the back of your hand, registering the twinkle in his eyes.

Soon, he had placed the album back into your hands, your fingers grazing gently as tiny sparks flew up your tips, eyes never breaking contact until the staff tells you to leave.

When you had sat down at a nearby cafe to get a cup of coffee, you took out your album and flipped to the page where Lucas had written something.

‘Hilton hotel, 9pm,' and his number under it.

At nine sharp, you waited by the hotel’s sitting area, not many people at that time as usually stores in Hong Kong open rather late, patiently you waited for Yukhei. Just as you were scrolling through posts on Instagram, a tall figure approached you.

A call of your name rolled off his tongue naturally, a wave of nostalgia hitting the both of you.

“I bought you a little something before I got here,” you said as you stood up, letting him guide you to the elevators.

“What is it?” Yukhei lets out a flustered laugh, scratching the back of his nape when he realised he didn't get you anything in return.

“Roast goose and Cha Siew, are they still your favourite?” you asked, hoping his taste hasn’t changed over the years.

“Yeah, man, I remember how we'd always get quarter of both after school at Uncle Chan’s,” Yukhei said, remembering how the boss of the restaurant had hung a photo of two of you on the wall, deeming the two of you his most loyal lovebirds.

“This is from Uncle Chan’s,” you told him as you followed him into his room, looking around, expecting him to be rooming with someone.

“Don't worry, I told Yang Yang to sleep with Ten for the night,” Yukhei said when he saw you looking for someone.

“Oh, that's really nice of him,” you said as you set out the food, the smell of Hong Kong's famous delicacies wafting in the air.

“Man, I really missed this,” Yukhei said as he pulls the arm chair that was a few feet away close to the desk, directing you into it and situating himself in the not so comfortable wooden chair.

“I missed this too,” you said mindlessly, eyes avoiding his before you ate a piece of meat.

“I missed you too,” Lucas confessed, yes there are many pretty girls in his industry, and Korea itself, but no one would be able to replace you, you were his rock all his life, other than his family of course, it's hard to build a connection with someone just as strong when things between the two of you never really ended, in a way.

Leaving on too good terms and without much closure for both of you kept one another thinking of each other. The two of you know, that after tonight, things would go back to normal, Yukhei would be Wayv’s Lucas, and you’d remain as his past, there would never be an outcome from whatever happens tonight.

So when the two of you were recalling memories and troubles the two of you got in school on the oh so comfortable bed, you couldn't help it, hooking a leg over Yukhei’s waist, just like how it started at the night of the graduation party, the night where the two of you lost your virginities to each other.

“I’d be gone tomorrow, we shouldn’t, I shouldn't do this to you,” Yukhei said, a firm believer that it's always the girl that is on the losing side, like he's taking an advantage of you, ever the gentleman.

“I want this for myself, Yukhei, it's not like it's our first time,” you said, trying to convince him.

“I still feel guilty about our first time, I left a few months later after that night, and tomorrow would be the same, I'll be leaving you once more,” Yukhei said as his big hands caressed your cheeks, eyes wide like a puppy, pupils reflecting an image of you, a perfect representation of his universe, you.

“I don't care, I’ve moved on from you as your girlfriend all those years ago, moving on from you after tonight won't be a challenge for me,” you said in a firm tone, one that Yukhei knows all too well, he knows you won't give up when you sound like this.

He could possibly break two hearts if he chooses to act on his impulses, but he missed this, he missed you, and so he threw all caution out of the window when he smashed his lips desperately against yours, chewing on your bottom lip with little force, it was something that would easily get you worked up back then, and to his delight, it still worked, letting him dominate the kiss easily, he let his tongue slid in your mouth, tasting the beer the two of you had just now with a mixture of strawberry lip gloss, you were still using the Nivea one you used all those years ago, this only fuelled his desire for you, his hands leaving your cheeks to locate your waist, pulling you closer to him.

When you were out of air, you broke off the kiss, reaching the hem of your shirt to pull it off, then waiting a few seconds for Yukhei to admire the red lace on your skin before unclasping your bra, letting your blossoms free, all the while as Yukhei looks on, like he was in a trance.

“I missed these,” he commented before taking a mound into his mouth, sucking on your nipple diligently while his other hand comes up to roll it in between the pads of his fingers, the pleasure from the action making you throw your head back, a slip of his name in between your whimpers.

You let Yukhei push you back, letting you fall onto his bed, you felt his hands wander up your skirt, his huge hands around your thighs, squeezing the flesh in his palms, feeling you, but stopped when he reached the hem of your panties, detaching himself from your chest, looking at you for confirmation.

You nodded at him, putting your hand over his to guide him higher, stopping at the curve of your cheek, pushing his hand beneath the clothe, dangerously close to your core, heck he could even feel your arousal already, eyes rolling back at the thought of getting you so worked up.

“Take it off, but you can leave the skirt, for old time’s sake,” you said.

Yukhei looked at you, confused at what you’re trying to say, until he realised you were wearing a pleated checkered skirt, just like the ones you wore back in high school, memories of the two of you sneaking around, having a quickie with your skirt flipped up immediately made blood rush southwards at the thought.

“Fuck, you expected this to happen?” Yukhei asked, shaking his head in disbelief, he was always the troublemaker at school, but oh how the tables have turned now.

“Didn't you?” you asked before getting up to put yourself in a doggy position, shaking your butt, taunting him.

Yukhei chuckled to himself before doing as you say, taking off your panties to reveal your slick covered pussy, dripping wet for him on display.

Yukhei spreads you open by pulling your cheeks apart to lick a stripe up your slit, making you shudder at the warm muscle that was intruding but very much welcomed.

Yukhei allowed himself to fully stuff his face there, inserting his tongue into your core, thrusting the wet muscle at a moderate pace before adding a finger to the mix, then two, stretching you open to let his tongue delve deeper inside, he then adds a third finger, the fullness finally hitting you, soon he did a come hither movement once he had located your sweet spot, his tongue and fingers rubbing against the roof of your walls deliciously, you would’ve lost your balance if it weren't for his hand supporting you by your left hip.

The constant pleasure that Yukhei so willingly inflicted upon you would've soon come to an euphoric end if he hadn’t halted all movement, pulling out his tongue and his fingers, which made you whine his name pathetically, something you wouldn't have done if it weren't for the fact that your mind was reduced to a ball full of cotton.

“Chill, I worked you up so I wouldn't hurt you with my dick,” Yukhei said as he positions himself at your entrance, his hand coming up to your face to tilt your head to his direction, zeroing on your lust filled eyes and the plump of your lips, swollen because of him.

“Are you sure you want this?” Yukhei asks you one last time.

“Yes, please,” you said, pushing yourself back to lightly grind on his length, a little bit of your arousal getting onto his cock, his dick getting so hard it's starting to hurt.

“Ever so eager, aren't you?” Lucas said before biting his lip at the sight.

“Just put it in!” you whined, tired of his teasing.

“Okay, okay,” Yukhei said before bracing himself for your tight walls, he's never nervous when it comes to others, but you? You always held a special place in his heart.

Yukhei spreads your cheeks once more before aligning himself to slip in an inch, eyebrows furrowing at how tight you were, he could tell you were clenching up, just like you did the first time when you were nervous.

So he bends down to your back, placing gentle kisses along your right shoulder blade.

“Don’t tense up, there’s nothing to be nervous about, we did this before remember?” Yukhei said in his most gentle tone ever, you nodded your head at his words, adjusting yourself to let yourself lose in the comfort of his touch, reminding yourself that although it's been a long time since you had someone as big as him, you’ll be fine in his hands.

Once Yukhei felt yourself unclench, he pushes in furthermore, you felt yourself arching your back to allow him to fit himself easier, before he comes to a halt, you felt so full, you haven't felt this way in such a long time, it was somewhat overwhelming, but it's the most complete feeling ever, a feeling you've never felt with any other.

The initial stretch was slightly painful of course, but the pain soon turned into pleasure, and being the gentleman Yukhei is, waited for you despite the huge urge to move, waiting for your green light.

When you told him he could move, he felt like the gates of heaven just opened, pulling out slightly to give you a shallow thrust, just to test the waters.

Even with that experimental thrust, you felt like you had a taste of heaven, eager to drown yourself in this new found pleasure that you were once so familiar with.

Yukhei grasped his large hands onto your hips, setting a moderate pace, still restraining himself from snapping his hips, but from how much slick you were dripping, soon you'd be begging for more.

Once you felt yourself familiarise with his big cock, the pace that Yukhei had set wasn’t enough, you wanted him to let loose, you wanted him to rail you, be damned if you can’t walk tomorrow.

So in the midst of all the pleasure, you let out two desperate words breathlessly, “ruin me”.

Yukhei had to do a double take, pausing his movements entirely just to check if that was his mind messing with him or it was really you, but one look at your desperate face, revealed to him that was in fact your words.

Yukhei allowed the animalistic side of him to take over, holding onto your hips that would sure leave bruises the next day, but you didn’t mind, not when you felt a sudden surge of pleasure coursing through your body. He angled your body higher, arching your back for easier access, thrusting harder and faster.

You could only submit yourself to him as your toes curled and your fingers dig into the linen sheets, you’re sure if his members were next door, they'd be able to hear every single sound you make, the sound of your ass cheeks clapping against Yukhei’s hips and your high pitched moans were flowing freely, but you didn't care, not when this could be the last time you'd ever be with Yukhei.

Soon, you could feel yourself getting closer to the edge, your legs were trying their best not to fail you, and you could tell your arms were getting sore from propping yourself up as the cord in your abdomen threatened to snap, you panted out the word ‘close’, and Yukhei immediately understood, fucking into you at an inhuman pace, you could feel yourself losing your mind as spit drips from your mouth, sanity slowly slipping away from you as you felt your impending orgasm, it started from the tip of your toes, your body convulsing as you screamed his name, succumbing into the pleasure, your core bursting, the strongest orgasm you've ever felt, making your whole body sag in defeat as you let Yukhei help you ride out your orgasm.

Just when you thought it was all over, Yukhei gently flipped you over, and that’s when you realised he hasn’t cum, so you lifted your legs higher to let him enter you once again, he was using you like his personal doll, and you love it a little bit too much to be considered normal, you struggled to keep your eyes open as you fought through the slight pain from the overstimulation, hearing Yukhei’s mumble of appreciation and endearments.

“Can you give me one more, babe? Just one more,” Yukhei said before circling his fingers around your clit, making your eyes snap open when you realise he wants you to cum once more, your hands coming up to push his hand away, but his other hand grasped onto yours.

“Just one more, please,” Yukhei begged with those puppy eyes of his, and how could you say no?

So you stopped struggling, nodding your head at his request before he quickens the pace of his hips and the ministrations on your clit.

Soon, you could feel Yukhei’s cock swelling inside you before he let out a groan of your name, thrusting in one last hard thrust before he painted your walls white, his lips capturing yours to silent you as you came once more, your nails digging into his shoulders, your eyes fluttering shut as you felt Yukhei ride out both your highs.

Once he was done, Yukhei crashed onto the bed beside you, his arms wrapping around yours, kissing your lips to distract you as he pulled out, hopping into the attached bathroom to bring out two towels, taking off your skirt before he gently cleans you up, when he was done he wiped the juices you left on him, your eyes growing big when you knew it was from when you squirted on him.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise I squirted,” you mumbled behind the hands that you had covering your embarrassed face.

Yukhei laughed at the cute sight, throwing the towel aside before climbing into bed again, removing your hands away from your face, kissing you deeply before looking at you in the eye.

“I loved it,” he said before pulling you closer, and almost instantly, you were lulled to sleep by the beating of his heart.

When you woke up, Yukhei was still snoring beside you, sleeping like a baby, you gently removed his hand from your waist, stepping out of the bed before gathering your clothes, putting them on, smoothing out the creases of your skirt.

Walking to the door, you glanced around once more at the sight of him, your heavy heart begging you to stay, to talk, and so you walked over to the night stand, ripping a piece of paper of the note pad and grabbing the pen next to it.

‘Goodbye and thank you for everything.’

You placed the piece of paper beside him on his pillow before kissing his forehead as a parting gift, closing the door as softly as you could when you left.

You knew this was the right thing to do, you made this decision once when he left for Korea the first time, you can't be in his way this time around, not when he's this far into his career, you can’t be selfish, he belongs on this path, he deserves it and you’re not going to take it away from him, you've stood on the side-lines all this time, he shed the limelight on you for one night, and that's all you should have, he's better off without you.

Yukhei felt himself grow cold when he couldn't feel the warmth of your body, jerking up to check if you were in the bathroom, only to find the door wide open, the room empty.

That's when he had spotted the piece of paper with your goodbye message, his heart clenching in pain, crashing onto the bed once more.

He didn't know what to expect, you had sent him off once, and now you left him without saying goodbye. He thought he could at least say goodbye.

Pushing his thoughts away, he gathered his things, packing up to leave for Korea.

His members could tell something was terribly off, they thought he was just in it for a casual hook up, but his expression tells otherwise.

The usual cheerful Yukhei was nowhere to be found, which meant Yang Yang and Hendery had to keep the mood light throughout the journey home, everyone knew to not say anything, only speaking when crucial.

It took Yukhei quite a while for him to get back to his goofy self, but even then, Kun, being the most observant one, saw a tightness in his smile, a faraway look in his eyes, whoever he had seen that night must've meant a lot to him, but he dare not to press, he knows Yukhei would open up when he's ready.

It was a normal Tuesday night when he had received a request to face time from you, without thinking much of it, excited to hear from you, he accepted, your beautiful face coming into view as he got comfortable on his bed.

“Hey, this is unexpected,” Yukhei said, not knowing what else to say.

“Yukhei, there’s something I need to tell you,” you said, eyes avoiding his.

“Yeah, what's up?” he asked, rubbing his nape, a habit he does whenever he's nervous.

“I'm um, I’m pregnant,” you said, choosing to not beat around the bush.

You could see Yukhei's face pale when he processed your words. Is it his? It's definitely his, it's almost a month since the two of you slept together, unless you slept with someone else?

“It's mine?” a dumb question, but he needs to know for sure.

“Yeah,” you said before the two of you come to a piercing silence.

“You could get an abortion, maybe?” Yukhei suggested after contemplating in his head, there’s no way he could be in the child’s life, and that's the best option for your sake, raising a child in Hong Kong is the most expensive thing to do, equivalent to buying a house there.

“I decided to keep it, Yukhei,” you said, glancing up to see the disbelief on his face.

“You can’t, you know I can't be there for you and you’re still so new in your job, you can't risk your life for this!” Yukhei said, not comprehending on why you'd do this to yourself.

“I already decided, Yukhei, and I don't expect you to take responsibility, this is my choice,” you said as tears threatened to flow.

“That isn't fair, it's not fair for the child! A child needs its father! You don't know what you're doing! Being a single mum is next to impossible in Hong Kong! You're putting the child in a horrible situation just for your selfishness!” Yukhei said before pushing his hair back, the feeling of an impending headache forming.

“How dare you say that?! I’ll raise this child perfectly on my own, I was just calling you to inform you of it, but since you don't want anything to do with it or me, I guess this is goodbye and don't call me anymore, I won't change my mind,” you said before your face disappeared from his phone screen.

Yukhei tried calling you immediately after, a day later, several weeks later, but you never picked up. Then he started stressing about his career, what would happen if someone were to find out? But he knows you as a person, and being a tell-tale is not one of your characteristics, yeah, he can just act like nothing happened, like he had never received this call.

He knows he's running away from his problems, but what other choice does he have?

Fast forwarding to July of 2021, Yukhei is home after his filming of the popular Chinese reality show in China, Keep Running, he feels at ease when he sees his family, finally reuniting with them, but only for a short two weeks time, before he has to leave for Korea once more.

It was a Friday night when his friends from home took him out for a drink, he was not so familiar with the clubbing scene in Hong Kong, but with the knowledge he has of this area, he knows many rich and young people often here, just like the girl kissing up his neck now, her soft hands running up the expanse of his thigh, getting dangerously close to where he wants her to be.

Yet Yukhei doesn’t remember her name, was it Candy? Apple? Some sort of name that had to do with food, he just remembered that she told him that she was an up and coming model, or trying to be anyways.

Just as she suggested to go to some hotel, Yukhei suggested for a quickie in the bathroom first, and so here he is now, being pushed to the door of a stall, her hands trying to unbuckle his belt.

Yukhei reached the back of his pocket for his wallet, opening it, looking for the condom he had placed there, but cursed when he realised he must've dropped it when he paid for drinks.

He told her to go back out and wait for him to get some, leaving the club and the musky smoke filled place behind him, the summer breeze blowing his hair all over, he brings the hood of his jacket up as he scans for a nearby convenience store, locating one at the street across.

When he got in, the scent of curry immediately greeted him, it was your favourite food, everyday after school, no doubt you'll drag him into one of these shops, just to share a bowl of curry fish balls, one of the most famous snacks here in Hong Kong.

He pushed the thought away, trudging to the aisle that was on the most right, where the condoms were at, hidden away from children. He took a box and made his way to the counter, opening his wallet to take out a few notes.

The cashier turned her back from stocking the cigarette shelf, scanning the box wordlessly.

“That would be 30,” she said when she looked up, but her hand immediately dropped the box when she saw who it was, and that's when Yukhei truly opened his eyes to see who it was, at first he was just miffed not knowing why the cashier froze, then he sees you, in the worn out 7 Eleven uniform, was you, the last person he’d be expecting.

“Why are you here? What happened to your job at the law firm? Why...” Yukhei didn't know how to ask, he didn't know if he deserved the right to ask, yet there's so many questions he had swarming in his head. Where is his child? Did you abort it in the end? Did you give it up for adoption? Were you fired from your job because of it?

“It's my shift right now, and you seem to be getting lucky tonight,” you said stiffly, holding up the box for him to see, sliding it across the counter

“It's for my friend actually,” Yukhei said, eyes avoiding yours, but immediately looking at you straight in the eyes, remembering how you use to be able to see right through him whenever he didn't do the revision work you've given him.

“Right,” you said, resisting to roll your eyes.

“You haven't answered me, why are you working here instead of the law firm?” Yukhei pressed.

You sigh at his persistence, not knowing what to say to humour him, so you didn't say anything, getting back to rearranging the shelves.

Yukhei bit his lip, not knowing what to say to you, but a million questions in his head, desperate for answers.

“Please leave if you're done with your purchases,” you said, you had a long day, and the thought of entertaining him was not something you want to add on your plate.

Yukhei looked around the store once more, grabbing a bowl of instant noodles from the shelf before making his way once more to the cashier.

“I’d like to have this here,” Yukhei said before pulling out some spare change from just now.

“Yukhei, what are you trying to do?” you asked in an exasperated tone, there's no point making small talk when there's no way the two of you would ever cross in each other’s lives ever again.

“I'm hungry, I want to eat noodles,” which wasn’t really a lie, all the alcohol he drank before gave him an appetite.

You sighed, turning your back to him, soundlessly waited for the water to boil before pouring it into the cup, sealing the top for it to cook. As you worked, Yukhei was having déjà vu, this was an all too familiar sight, nights at the convenience store studying till late at night in groups, you'd always share noodles with him as you taught him some dumb math formula that no one uses in their life after school.

He takes his bowl of noodles, opting to sit at the place closest to the counter, just looking at you, eating as slow as humanly possible.

When it was around three, you received a call.

“Hello?”

“...”

“You think you have a stomach ache? Celine jia is asleep? Okay, mama’s coming home okay?” you said frantically before shutting off the stove of the food at the counter, running to the back for a pack of meds, depositing some money into the register. You looked at Yukhei, frozen at his seat, cursing at yourself for not going into the back room before picking up the call.

“You need to go, I have something to deal with,” you said as you grabbed your bag, turning off all the switches in one go, making the place pitch black other than the lights from the lamp posts outside.

“Is that my child?” Yukhei asked, he can't allow himself to act like it never happened before, he ran away once, it's time to man up and shoulder on his responsibilities.

“No I fucked another guy before you and it's his child,” you deadpanned.

You walked down the street to flag for a taxi that is always parked there to get their club goer customers, Yukhei hot on your heels, you turned back to look at him questioningly.

“This is none of your concern, don’t follow me,” you said in a rather seething tone, you didn't mean to sound like that, but if he's going to be in the way of your child, then he’s not a friend.

“That's my child too, I want to know how they are, I have a right to do so, you studied law, you should know,” Yukhei retorted in the most friendly way possible, he knows he's in the wrong, but he wants to ensure his child’s safety.

“For fuck’s sake,” you cursed aloud before stepping into the taxi, leaving the door open for him.

You told the driver your address, sitting back to think of what's the problem, the kindergarten shouldn't be the culprit, it's a school with a good reputation, which also burns a hole in your wallet, but you don't mind, and it's not like you have much of a choice, education is deadly expensive here.

About 20 minutes later, you've reached home.

“That'll be 150, miss,” the driver said.

“What?!”

“Fares are different after midnight, miss,” the driver reminded you.

Before you could check if you had enough money on you, Yukhei paid for it wordlessly.

You got out of the car, rushing into the building and running up the stairs as quick as you can, unlocking the door, jabbing the keys into the rusty lock.

Taking off your shoes before you made your way to your room, spotting your son crouched in the corner of your bed, hands around his stomach.

“Hey, mama's home, I'll get you a glass of water to take your medicine okay?” you said before hurrying out, Yukhei passing you a glass of water at the kitchen.

“Thanks,” you mumbled before making your way back inside.

You open the package and passed you son a tablet, but looking at the size, you knew he’d panic to swallow something this big, so you broke it in half, telling him to drink a big gulp of water to wash it down and it'll be fine.

All the while, Yukhei was watching with wonder leaning by the door frame, even in the dim lights and the fact that he's still quite young, he could still identify his eyes on his son, the strong genes in his family, his father and brother all had those eyes, this boy is most definitely his.

The boy diligently does as you told him, taking a big gulp of water, so obedient, and from the way the two of you communicate, very mature for his age, nothing like the usual three year old.

When he was done, he noticed Yukhei’s presence, tugging your sleeve to whisper into your ear, eyes trained on him.

“That's a friend of mine, love, be polite, say hi to Yukhei gogo,” you urged.

Yukhei took this as a sign to get closer to his son, squatting down to meet his eye.

“You’re a handsome boy, what's your name? I’m Yukhei and I’m 22 this year, how about you?” Yukhei asked as he reached out his hand for the little boy to shake.

“I’m Wenghei, 3 years old. Why have I never seen you before gogo?” the child asks, looking at him with curious eyes, he's met some of your friends, but he's definitely haven't met him before, most people aren't as tall here, or not in his mother's circle anyways.

“Get some rest, love,” you said, tucking him into bed.

“Okay,” he said, a yawn coming out from his mouth.

You closed the door behind you, directing Yukhei to the small living room area, serving him a glass of water.

You walked to the trash bin, opening the lid to check its contents, a scowl on your face when you saw the root of your son’s stomach ache when you spot the plastic container that contained the two day old pizza from the freezer. Your roommate, Celine, must’ve gave him some as dinner, usually you'd leave some money for Celine to buy him dinner, but she must've been tight on money again, trying to find ways to squeeze in some spare change, you've warned her of her spending habits, always splurging on albums of her favourite stars, which reminds you.

“You have to go, I’m living with a roommate and I'm sure she's going to recognise you,” you said, a hand gesturing at the door.

“Wait, did you find out why he had a stomach ache?” Yukhei asked.

“Yeah, he ate something he shouldn't have for dinner, you have to go, I need some rest for tomorrow,” you said, struggling to keep your eyes open.

“Do you have anything on tomorrow? Can I see you, perhaps?” Yukhei asked, he didn't know what he wanted to talk about, but he just had to see you again.

“I’m tutoring a student at a coffee shop tomorrow, you can come right after,” you said, thinking that he just wants to know more about his son.

“Okay, goodnight then,” Yukhei said awkwardly as he walks towards the door.

“Goodnight,” you said, feeling a weight on your chest, dreading tomorrow’s meeting.

When Yukhei arrived at the café, he could see you sitting at the way back, a teenage girl sitting in front of you, back facing him, he sipped on his latte, observing you silently.

Your hair is much longer than it had been in high school, the bag hung by your chair very much worn out, and your eye bags were heavier than on days where Yukhei would stay up to prepare for promotions.

Soon, the student was packing up, leaving the table, Yukhei took this as a sign to move to your table. You had stood up to greet him, and that's when he saw, you had lost lots of weight, and he's not meaning it in a fitness way, he recognised the jeans you are wearing, you had these even back then, they used to be a perfect fit for you, that's why they were your favourite, but now, you were wearing a belt to hold it together, and still he could see how loose it was.

“Hey, you didn't order anything?” Yukhei asked, noting that the cup of coffee he saw just now belonged to your student.

“I got a coffee in my flask, cheaper that way,” you said as you packed up your stationaries.

“What did you have for breakfast? How about I order you a piece of cake?” Yukhei suggested, looking back to see what they have today.

“It's alright, I'm not hungry, why don't we get straight to the point? What is it you want to ask about Wenghei?” you asked, noting the time on your watch, you have to leave around noon to fetch your son from pre school.

“I, how about you? Why did you leave the firm? And how’s your parents?” Yukhei started off.

“Well, they said I would’ve been an embarrassment to the firm, you know, pregnant and unmarried, so they told me to leave, it's not like filing could be done with a big weight in my stomach, so I did as they said. Now I tutor kids English and work the night shift at the convenience store, and as for my parents, they kicked me out,” you said, laying down the cards, no point avoiding his questions, especially not when you're in a hurry.

Yukhei nodded at your words, registering the fact that he had a fault in ruining your hot shot lawyer dreams and completely destroyed your sensitive relationship with your parents, how is he ever going to forgive himself?

“I’m sorry,” Yukhei said, he didn't know what else to say, how could he make it up to you and your son? Will you let him even if he could?

“Don't be, this is on the both of us, are you going to ask about the share custody stuff? If so, I don't think we should continue this conversation, Wenghei doesn’t know who you are, and maybe that's the best case scenario, what point would be made if he knew you were his father but you're not in our lives? It'll break his heart. You've seen him now, maybe you can reconnect with him when he's older, I think you should just say goodbye before you go, if you want,” you said, saying these harsh words aloud wasn’t easy, you’re not entirely a cold hearted bitch, but it's for the best that your son didn’t know about his father, no one wants to know the fact that their father abandoned them twice, some truths are better to be untold.

“Can I see him one last time, maybe tonight? For dinner? I'm leaving in two days,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.

“Yeah, sure, I'll take the shift off tonight,” you said, eyes avoiding his, you could just tell he’d have those sad puppy eyes on his face right now, you don't need anymore guilt in your heart.

“Hey man, where were you?” Jackson asked Yukhei, who was waiting for him at the harbour, they were going to Macau for a day trip today, his friend isn't late for the boat, but they did schedule to meet 15 minutes earlier.

“Something came up, and I need to head back around 7, there’s some people I need to see,” Yukhei said as they boarded the boat.

“So that leaves us 5 hours, should be enough,” Jackson said, checking his watch.

“I’m sorry about this, man, it just came up suddenly,” Yukhei said as they took their seats, apologetic because they have been talking about this trip for a long time now.

“It's okay, dude, but what's up? You look really stressed,” Jackson asked, taking in Yukhei's clenched jaw and furrowed brows, a stark contrast from his usually carefree expression.

“It's a long story,” Yukhei said as he mindlessly watches the sea from the little window of his seat.

“Well, if you don't mind, this is a 45 minutes journey, maybe we'll be able to find a solution together, what are friends for am I right?” Jackson offered, he wouldn't press his friend if he didn't want to tell him about it, but the two of them have been close ever since going on knowing brothers, coming from the same home country and everything.

And so Yukhei, for the first time, told his friend his long love story.

“You know, I think I have a solution for you, but let me ask you one thing first, do you still love her?” Jackson asked as he ate his pork chop bun, Macau’s famous local snack.

Yukhei pondered over his friend’s question, yes the two of you agreed to break up, but all the girls he dated after you, all had similar features or personality traits to you, he had dismissed it as just a type, but now that he had seen you again, he realised that the hole in his heart was always emptied for you, you were the missing puzzle piece all along.

“You don't even have to answer me, your face tells all man,” Jackson said, an oily finger wagging at the direction of his face.

“Yeah, I think I do,” Yukhei said with a sigh, “but even if I still love her, that doesn’t mean she loves me back, and what if we do love each other? We're living oceans apart,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.

“Now here comes my solution, so you said she got fired from her law firm and is now tutoring kids and doing the night shift at 7 E, and got kicked out by her shitty parents, so she really doesn't have anything else here for her other than her son, why don't you suggest get to move with you? To Korea? It'll be way easier for the two of you to raise your son, even if the two of you don't get back together, I mean, at least you'll be able to financially support them, that is what you're willing to do right?” Jackson asked, hoping that his friend would uptake his part of the child support.

“Yeah, of course I want that, I just don't know what she'll say, or if she'd be willing, she doesn't speak the language and it's an entirely different environment,” Yukhei said, thinking back the days where he had a tough time adjusting.

“From what you told me, she sounds like a tough nut, but of course, this is all up to you, but just so you know, I would really like to be his godfather, and as for your doubts of her love towards you, she did name him after you, isn't it the same Hei?” Jackson said with a hearty chuckle, he could just imagine the fun they'll have together, he was always fond of children.

“Yeah, I’ll persuade her on this,” Yukhei said, he could already feel himself getting nervous for tonight’s dinner, it can’t be that much of a coincidence that his son’s last name resembled his right? Or is he and Jackson just being delusional?

“Now that's my buddy, now come on, finish your food so that we’ll make it in time for the next batch of Portuguese egg tarts, I remember they have a fresh batch around 4,” Jackson said, mouth salivating at the thought of more food.

When you arrived at the restaurant, it was fancier than what you had expected, feeling underdressed among the rich elite of Hong Kong in your old dress that you wear for every special occasion.

You asked if there was a reservation under your name, since Yukhei said he had it booked under you, and almost immediately, since not that many people can afford places like these, the waiter led you in.

“Mama, what is this place? We've never ate here before,” your son asked you.

“It's a French cuisine restaurant, we’re meeting gogo here, remember him? Or were you too sick that day?” you said as you placed him on the baby chair you had requested for.

“Yeah, I remember,” your son said as he looks around in awe, registering the pretty chandeliers that look so sparkly.

When the waiter handed you a menu, someone had joined your table, his hoodie pulled up so no one would recognise him, pulling it down when he saw that there wasn't any other customers around.

“Sorry, am I late?” Yukhei asked with a sheepish smile, a hand lifting up to check the time.

“No, we’re just early, say hi to Yukhei gogo, love,” you directed the last part to your son, patting his little hand to get his attention, smiling immediately when he lands on the tall figure.

“Gogo, you're here,” your son said excitedly, making grabby hands at him, letting his father carry him with a large smile on his face.

“Hey, buddy, don't you look excited to see me?” Yukhei said before blowing raspberry at his neck, making the young boy giggle.

What you didn't expect was to see someone coming up behind Yukhei, a little bit shorter and smaller in built, but when he pulled his hoodie down, you instantly recognised who it was.

“Jackson Wang?” you asked, blinking your eyes a few times to see if you were hallucinating.

“Hey, it’s nice to finally meet you, you look lovely tonight, and you must be little Wenghei, aren't you adorable, how about Jackson gogo take you out to buy toys, huh? I saw a big toy store just across the street, but only if your ma says yes of course,” Jackson said, giving you a side eye to Yukhei.

“Yeah, sure,” you said, it's not like the Jackson Wang is going to kidnap your son right?

“Don’t worry, I’ll watch him with my life,” Jackson said as Yukhei passes his son over to him, leaving the restaurant with his hood up once more.

“Is there something you'd like to say?” you asked Yukhei after he had taken the seat across you his hands were shaking slightly as he holds up the menu.

“I... I still love you. And I know I must sound like a jerk to you, hell I’d go back in time just to hit myself for running away, I'm really sorry for that. What I did was inexcusable, my career just stabilised at that time, and I was under immense stress from SM, you have every right to be mad at me, but I want to be apart of your life again, apart of Wenghei’s life as well, if you could let me have this second chance, I'll do anything to make the both of you happy,” Yukhei said in one breath, reciting what he had practised over and over again with Jackson in the car.

“Yukhei, I,” you were lost for words, you thought you were saying goodbye once more, that Yukhei and you would always end up in goodbyes, but now here he is, saying he loves you.

“Yukhei, you can't just say you love me for the sake of our son, and neither would you need to take responsibility for him, I chose to have him, and as for love, we can never be together, you’re an international super star now, and you're living in Korea, I don't think I have the energy to be in a long distance relationship with you, that would take a toll on Wenghei too, how am I going to explain to him that his father is in another country? He’ll always question your love for him and I don't want that,” you said, trying to hold in the tears that had built up in your eyes, your throat closing up, the cold facade you built for yourself crumbling down before his eyes.

“You can move to Korea, both of you, we can be a family,” Yukhei pleaded, his hands reaching forward to hold yours, his eyes searching yours.

“We can’t, what if we break up? What if your so called love for me, is just something you feel as a result of our child? You can't uproot the two of us when there's so many uncertainties, especially our emotions,” you said, you don't want either of you to be stuck in a relationship for the sake of raising a child, no one would be happy in the end.

“Love, you don't understand, I've never had a serious relationship after you, I tried, I really did, but I’d always think of you instead, how badly I wanted you instead of someone who reminds me of you, the thing is, I’ve always loved you, and I think you still love me too, or you wouldn't have named our son after me, am I right?” Yukhei hoped, why else would you come up with that name right?

Damn it, you thought to yourself, he saw right through you, maybe you shouldn't have named your son after him.

You looked at him and looked away, darn those puppy eyes, you’re sure you’re crying now, and Yukhei reaching over to wipe away your tears just confirmed it.

“I love you, it's always been you, only you,” Yukhei confessed.

“I, I love you too, Yukhei, and I was never mad at you for running away from us, I know how tough that industry is, but what if your fans find out about us?” you asked, slightly worried that he might lose it like last time.

“Then so be it, true fans would stay,” he said in an affirmative tone, reassuring you.

“You promise?” you asked, holding out your pinky, it would’ve been a funny sight to see if anyone saw the two of you now, crying and smiling at the same time.

“I promise,” Yukhei said before hooking his own pinky to connect with yours.

“If you leave us, Wong Yukhei, I’ll murder you in your sleep,” you said as threatening as you could sound.

“I plan to see our son grow up, so I'll value my life,” Yukhei said in utmost sincerity before grabbing a napkin to wipe away all your tears, you’re glad that you didn't wear any mascara today.

Just when Yukhei wiped away the tears in his eyes, Jackson was back with your bubbly child, his arm had bags digging into his flesh.

“Oh my god, that's too much, Wenghei why did you get so many, this is Jackson gogo’s hard earned money,” you said, lecturing your son.

“It's okay, he's an angel, this was all on me, and I guess things went well?” Jackson asked, eyes darting to your connected hands.

“Yeah,” you said, the biggest smile you had on your face.

“That's great to hear, I always wanted to be an uncle, now if you’ll excuse me, I don't think I should crash this family reunion any longer,” Jackson said giving his best friend a hug before leaving.

“So... What do you like to eat Wenghei? How about we get crème brulé,” Yukhei asked, pointing at the menu with childlike eyes, reminding you of the days where he’d get ice cream with you, splitting it on half for you to share.

“Sounds delicious.”

You let Yukhei order everything, sharing between the three of you while the three of you talked, Yukhei mostly directed the questions at his child, asking about his interests, his favourites of everything, ranging from colour to ice cream, eager to make up for loss time.

“How about we talk about where you'll be staying?” Yukhei asked after ordering dessert.

“Oh, I don't know what I'll be able to afford, I'll probably get another convenience store job again, so the rent can't be too high,” you said, dreading the thought of needing to learn a new language quickly for a job.

“Hey, you don't need to work anymore, nor pay rent, I already looked it up, there's an empty unit in our condo, the soundproofing might be a bit lacking, but that wouldn't be a problem if you don't sing in the shower like Dejun, we had a few noise complaints because of him,” Yukhei said, laughing at the fond times he had at the dorms.

“Yukhei, I know housing is really expensive there, are you sure you want to do this?” you asked once more, you don't want him to resent the financial burden the two of you would add onto him.

“What did I say to you just now? I said what I meant, I want the two of you to be in my life, forever. And don't worry about money, I saved up plenty and there’s many more jobs coming up for me, and moving out of the dorms would be the next step of adulthood to me, and we’ll get to spend so much more time together, right Wenghei?” Yukhei asked, pinching your son’s chubby cheeks teasingly.

“We’ll be living together, Yukhei gogo?” your son asked, a confused expression on his face, he had his attention trained on some pink fong video, something about dinosaurs.

“Yeah, Wenghei, we’ll be moving out of our little room, are you excited? We're going to a new country. Remember the dramas I watched with you? Korea has that big outdoor theme park you said you always wanted to go, and snow, you'll get to make snowmen during the winter,” you persuaded, hoping he won’t fuss too much about the move.

“Really? There’s snow in Korea?” your son asked, excited about the winter scene he’ll get finally see in real life.

“Yeah, real snow, not the bubbles in Disney land, are you excited?”

“Yeah, is Jackson gogo going to stay with us too?” your son asked, eyes darting to his new goodies before looking at you expectantly.

“Well, Jackson gogo has his own house and we have ours, but we can always visit him,” Yukhei explained.

“Hehe, okay,” your son said before getting distracted by the crème brulé set in front of him, digging in immediately.

“When do you want us to make the move?” you asked, thinking of all the things you have to pack, which isn't a lot, but you might have to courier some of your clothes over first.

“Whenever you want, I'll get our home ready as soon as possible, is there anything you need in the house? Other than the basics of course,” Yukhei asked, uncertain of any needs you have as a woman or maybe for your son.

“Can we have a study room for Wenghei? With a desk and shelves? We love to read, and he'll need a proper desk when he's older,” you asked, hoping it wasn't too much.

“Yeah, sure, I'll be sure to get it done,” Yukhei said, noting it down into his phone.

“But it's no rush on the study room part, he's just three after all, before I go, I have to apply visas for both of us,” you said, dreading the thought of filling up paperwork, you haven't done much of that ever since you left the law firm.

“Call me if you need any help on that, I'm sure my manager knows how to,” Yukhei said.

“You’re going to tell your company about us?” you asked, knowing how strict Korean entertainment companies are.

“They can't let me go just because of having my own family, they didn't let Jongdae, my senior, go, so we’ll be fine, I promise,” Yukhei said, reaching a hand over to hold yours reassuringly, his eyes looking into yours, filled with love and adoration.

“Okay, now how about we walk around the complex until 10? Wenghei doesn't have school tomorrow,” you suggested.

“Yeah, sure, we could even stay out later if you want,” Yukhei said enthusiastically, getting up slightly to call for the bill.

“You have a flight to catch tomorrow,” you reminded him in your motherly voice, which you regretted almost instantly, cursing yourself, reminding yourself to act more like an actual 22 year old, but Yukhei didn't say anything about it, hiding his smile by nodding deeply, almost like a bow.

“Okay, I just wanted to spend more time with the two of you,” Yukhei said, stopping when he saw the waiter coming back with the credit card machine, paying with just a glance at the bill.

The three of you spent your remaining time shopping and at the arcade, playing games with your son, Yukhei had insisted on getting you a new pair of sneakers, but you shot him down when he wanted to buy more stuff, especially toys for Wenghei.

“You can buy him toys when we’re there, it'll cost even more to ship more stuff over, and there's a risk of damaging the toys as well,” you said.

But of course your son threw a fit at the shop, all for some legos.

“Hey, buddy, I'll buy you lots the next time I see you, okay? I'll buy you one that's even bigger than this,” Yukhei said, squatting down next to his son, and even then he wasn't eye level with him, sometimes you forget how tall Yukhei actually is until you see a scene like this, or when you stand really close to him.

When it was 10pm, painful goodbyes were exchanged with a promise of face timing everyday, your son cried, and held onto his father dearly, and you haven't even told him Yukhei was his dad, but their bond is evident.

Yukhei held onto you and your son until his taxi came, and you waved until you couldn't see the taillights.

It's been a month since that fateful reunion, and Yukhei has squeezed in face times, calls, and texts in between schedules, giving you and your son time despite his busy career.

His company wasn’t too happy about it of course, but was somewhat glad that you weren't one to babble your business to gossip outlets.

You're now packing your things, one last time, you've been to the post office multiple times before to courier out your stuff to Korea, and every time a box reached his address, Yukhei would take a photo of it, telling you the stuff arrived safely.

Progress on your new home was quick, since it was already a fully furnished unit, Yukhei only needed to buy some furniture and things that cater to your son’s needs, he even picked out a pre school that teaches mandarin, perfect for your son’s adjustment in such a foreign country.

Tomorrow you'd be flying to Korea, a new country, a new start, but there was something clouding your mind, something you've been dreading, but today is the day you’ll tell him.

“Wenghei, can you come to mama for a second?” you asked, soon hearing your son’s tiny footsteps nearing you.

“Yes, mama?” your son asked, a hand around his precious teddy.

“There's something I need to tell you,” you said holding him close to you, letting him sit onto your lap.

“Remember how you asked me why you didn't have a baba while all your other classmates did?” you asked, trying to word it as nicely as possible.

“You said my baba had a really big responsibility, that he couldn't see us because of it, that he'll come back when he's free,” your son answered you, struggling to remember more details.

“Yes, good job, Wenghei, your memorising skills are getting better. Well, your baba is actually Yukhei gogo, he’s back now, and we can finally be a family again,” you said before holding in a breath, not knowing how he’ll react.

“Baba is Yukhei gogo? That's why we’re going to Korea?” your son asked, confusion written on his face.

“Yeah, do you like that he's your baba?” you asked, this could be the most important question ever.

“Yeah, mama, do you love baba? Does baba love you as much as I do?” your son asked, which very much surprised you, but expecting this sort of maturity from him.

“Yes, we love each other, and both of us love you as much too,” you said with a pinch of his chubby cheeks.

“Do we ever have to be separated from baba again?” your son asked, scared of losing his newfound father.

“No, never again, and can you do me one favour, Wenghei? I think the next time when you see your baba, you should run up to him and say hi baba, he’ll be very happy to hear you call him that,” you suggested, imagining the look on Yukhei’s face.

Your son giggled at the thought of making his father happy, agreeing immediately.

“Okay, now go to sleep, it's going to be your first time flying tomorrow,” you said, ushering him onto the bed.

“Okay, goodnight, mama,” your son said to you, just like he did every other night, he seemed to have accepted it very easily, maybe it was due to his age, but some day he might ask his father about his departure personally when he understands more, but that’s a hardship that’s reserved for another day.

The flight was relatively short, though it was rather hard for Wenghei at the start because of the pressure he had experienced in his ears, the crying and whining got you plenty of dirty looks from passengers around you, but you paid no mind to it, you’ve been through worst so this is nothing that can faze you.

When you got there, you saw a lady holding up a plaque with your name on it, her phone in her hand, checking all the moms who came out of the same lane as you.

She had a friendly smile on her face when she saw you, introducing herself in mandarin, being one of Wayv’s staff, a trusted one, according to Yukhei.

She talked to you about Yukhei in general, even giving your son a bar of mini KitKat, praising him for being brave on the flight after she had asked you how was your flight.

Around half an hour later, you've reached your new home, a nice looking condominium that looked about a few years old.

Unloading took quite some time, even with the help of the staff, but what surprised you was the person who was waiting for you inside the lobby.

“You're here!” you said surprised at the sight of the giant.

“Yeah, I am, wanted to give you a surprise, sorry I couldn't be outside, some crazy fans camp outside, can’t let them bring you and Wenghei any harm,” Yukhei said as he carried Wenghei, spinning in a small circle, looking at him with full of love.

“I understand, don't worry, I'm not a teenager girl anymore,” you said as you checked out the place, the sitting area had a couch set and free WiFi, this is a 180 from the living conditions in Hong Kong.

“Baba, did you miss me?” your son asked when he had stopped giggling from his father’s spins, which instantly ceased to a halt, eyes growing as wide as saucers.

“What did you call me? Say it again,” Yukhei said with the biggest smile on his face, all of his teeth were showing.

“Mama said you were my Baba,” Wenghei said like it was as simple as two plus two.

“Yeah... I am your baba, and you're my son,” Yukhei said before holding his son even closer, you could even see the tears at the corner of his eyes.

“Why don't we go see our new home Wenghei?” you suggested, seeing that some people have came out from the lifts, typical going to work hours.

You walked a feet away from Yukhei, not wanting to draw attention, holding onto the lift for Yukhei to bring all your luggage in.

Once you were at your level, you started loosening up, noticing that no one was around.

“This is my members’ unit,” Yukhei said pointing at a door, “And this is ours,” Yukhei said before opening the door for you, welcoming you into a warmly decorated home, every piece of furniture was placed and chose to accommodate your child, all the corners were covered with this e rubber safety stickers.

He showed you into Wenghei's room where the bed had all his favourite characters in the form of a plushie, his bed was soft when you sat down on it, and the blanket he had picked out was a soft fleece material, perfect for the cold weather.

Your son was going around every corner, awing at everything his father had gotten him, especially the Lego sets that were on his desk.

“Thank you, it's beautiful, his room,” you said when Yukhei wrapped an arm around your waist, bringing you closer to him, god how much you've missed his warmth.

“Go take a look at your room,” Yukhei said before pulling your hand into the direction of the master bedroom, welcoming you into a room with a king size bed and silk linen sheets, an aesthetic looking vanity that you've always wanted as a teenager, now as well of course, and a little reading corner just for you by the window.

“It's all I've ever wanted,” you said in disbelief, not knowing how could Yukhei pull this off in such a short time.

“You like it? I got some help from my members, especially Kun for the kitchen, you should check it out afterwards, you always wanted a big kitchen area,” Yukhei said as you laid on the bed, giving your stiff body a rest from the journey.

“Lay down with me for a while, I’m a bit tired from the flight,” you said, making grabby hands at him.

“Nah, I shouldn’t, this is your bed,” Yukhei said, looking flustered.

“Wong Yukhei, I’ve had your child and now you're acting all innocent?” you asked in an accusing tone, playing with him, which made him lay down next to you immediately, he didn't like getting you angry, thinking back all those days when you had lectured him just like that when he forgot to do his homework.

“You want me to sleep here?” Yukhei asked carefully, observing your expressions.

“This is our bedroom, where else do you want to sleep?” you asked, but was promptly cut off by Yukhei's lips on yours, smiling as he kissed you, gentle but expressing all his love for you, a hand lingering on your back, guiding you closer than him.

Many mistakes that had to be made had guided you here, but you've never regretted, for if it wasn't for the hardships and the crossroads, you wouldn't have found a home with the man you'll cross oceans for.

The end.

[sativa-smuts]

Terror Twins x Reader Pt.2

It’s been about 2 weeks since I last saw Mötley Crüe more specifically Nikki and Tommy. Me and Bf/N have been working non stop at the dinner from 10am till closing but now since I have a small part time job as a bartender at the Rainbow my schedule has been hectic. It was my shift at the rainbow.

I won’t be done until 4am, it’s about 9pm and almost all of our customers are extremely fucked up or starting too. This job can be a handful with all the rude arrogant customers or the no good dirty perverted slobs that hits on me or the other workers thousands of times, but this job helps me to get more money and pays the bills

*Slight Trigger Warning*

“Hey Jenny I’m going to take my break in the back so call if you need me” I said as I grabbed my stuff and went to the back to get a breather. I sit and watch the stars in the clear night sky, when I was younger it was my absolute favorite thing to do. My parents fought with each other constantly and came home extremely drunk out of their minds. I always took myself away from them to watch the stars. It was my safe place, my safe “heaven” I called it. My father was extremely abusive, me and my mom tried many times to get away but it never worked he always found us. I just remember the day where mom left me with him for about two years until I ran away to my grandparents and lived with them until I left for Los Angeles.

“Hey Y/N! We need you here, we got bombarded with perverted men, tons of groupies and shit loads of narcissistic assholes that we need help with!” Jack yelled from the kitchen window I nodded as I got up and dusted myself off with a huff.

“Let the fun begin” I said sarcastically under my breath as I walked back inside to see the whole bar packed with people and it’s only 11pm usually it doesn’t get crazy until 12:30 or 1 am but whatever is happening I hope it ends soon.

“Y/N! Could you please take care of those four assholes in table 6? They are extreme pieces of work. I tell you” Jenny sighed as dusted off her clothes and walked off to help other customers. I looked at Jack with please kill me face as he laughed, handing me a notepad then I walked to the customers at table 6.

“Hello my name is Y/N! What can I get you gentlemen at the bar tonight?” I said tiredly but yet cheerfully without looking up at them.

“Are you on the menu doll? Cause I’d love to get a taste of that sweet body” one of them spoke as two others laughed and gave high fives, I huffed and rolled my eyes as I looked up to see it was the one and only Mötley fucking Crüe in the flesh.

“Um no..so uh what would you like?” I asked, trying not to seem like I’m surprised or even happy to see them.

“Jack and coke please” Nikki said without looking up from the groupie he was so focused on,

“Same as him please” Tommy said cheerfully while looking up at me to stop and stare “wait..you look familiar...do I know you from somewhere?” Tommy said while looking hard into my soul as it seemed.

I slightly smiled and shook my head no as I felt a little sad that he doesn’t remember me. I took the other two orders while Tommy stared me down for the last minute, I turned to walk away to attend to my other customers

“WAIT! I remember you! Y/N!” I stopped in my tracks and turned around as Tommy yelled and he jumped over the table then somehow tackled me up into a hug. Mick and Vince looked at each other in confusion as Nikki looked up at me fast as he heard my name come from Tommy’s mouth.

“I haven’t seen you like in 2 weeks dude!” Tommy puts me down from the hug and I smile at him and turn my attention to Nikki to see him staring right at me surprised and not focusing on the groupie that is horribly trying to regain his attention.

“Yea I know T, me and Bf/N have been working hard..well it’s only been me working hard these past two weeks” I said with a small laugh.

“Well dude it’s great to see you again! We have to hang before our tour!” Tommy said as he jumped around excitedly.

“You guys are going on tour?

“Where?”

“Germany! It’s gonna be rad dude!” I laughed and looked at the others.

“So how’ve you guys been doing?” I said as Mick got up to pat my back with a small smile and let Nikki out.

“Hey doll..” “Hi Nikki,” we said and sat in some awkward silence. I looked up to see Nikki staring right at me standing so close almost chest to chest. I turn and look at Vince.

“Hey Vince how’ve u been?” I said while moving away from Nikki “It's been good Y/N '' he stood up just for me to see him exposed down under and I turned to look away as he tried to zip back up his pants.

“Shit sorry dude I forgot” he said as a girl comes from under the table “What the fuck Cindy! The hell are u doing under there?”

“I..uh was.. they paid me to do it and I gladly took it” she dusted herself off as she got up. I nodded my head feeling quite irritated.

“Well nice to see u guys I’m going to get back to work and bring the drinks” I smiled then turn and walk away

“Wait Y/N'' I stop and see Nikki behind me “Here’s our number and mine so you can call us don't hesitate too” he said with a smile

“Maybe I will maybe I won’t, we’ll see when the time comes”

[relyingonoldships]

So I posted a snippet and everyone was so nice about it...and then I did nothing to it and wrote a completely different drabble instead. Apologies. 

Jily, Wartime, Angst because I love it.

The radio warbles some cheery tune as Lily paints the bedroom walls. James was out doing one of Dumbledore's 'requests'. They never called them missions because that would suggest they know the objective and more often than not they simply don't. She doesn't know where he is exactly, just that he won't be back until tomorrow, enough time to air out the room of the paint smell she thinks. She'll kip on the couch tonight. It's just one night. 

She's wearing old dungarees, James had made fun of her when she bought them, said she looked like a farmer and had started singing '"Old McEvans had a farm". She'd huffed at him and thrown the hanger at his face as he laughed. He had ducked grabbed her round the waist and thoroughly distracted her. She'd stowed them in a wardrobe later and promptly forgot about them but now they are perfect painting clothes, and she smiles as she imagines his face if he walked in and saw her in them. 

But he won't, not tonight. She sighs, shakes her head. It's ridiculous to miss him already. He left just after lunch and it's only nearing 9pm.

She's on her tiptoes on a stepladder reaching up to the corner above the door when the patronus appears. The stag skids to stop in the centre of the room, the light blinding her for a quick second as she shields her eyes behind her thick paintbrush. 

Then it speaks, no, James speaks directly to her. 

"Lily, I love you," it's a frantic whisper and her heart stops. "There's no time, but I needed to - you're everything to me, fuck I hope you know that? I'll be thinking of you, I always think of you. I'm so sorry, I love you, I love-" 

His desperate voice cuts off abruptly and the paintbrush slips from her fingers. The light fades from the room, the dark shadows cast from its light receding like the breath from her lungs. 

She doesn't remember getting down from the steps with shaky legs, she doesn't remember running to the front door and throwing it open but she does take pause as she passes the garden gate to stare up and down the street willing James to appear in a crack. If she wills it enough...

It takes her three attempts to produce her own patronus and even still it's fading at the edges not quite the confident doe she's used to. She cannot send it to James as much as every cell in her body is screaming for her to do so, she can't because if he's hiding she will not be the one to give him away. 

So she thinks of Sirius, no thoughts of James could possibly work right now, she thinks of him trying to charm that stupid bike of his different colours and his thrilled exclamation when Lily had turned it a hideous lime green easily. 

Her patronus flies through the night to him wherever he is, with a single sentence, panicked, bereft. 

"Please find him, use the mirror, something, oh god Sirius find him." 

She stumbles back into their house. Their house. Her legs finally give out as she passes the ugly armchair that Euphemia had passed off to them, Lily grips the arms as her body caves with a sob. She's never experienced fear like this, suddenly feeling like she may throw up with the rolling in her stomach. 

She doesn't know how long she allows herself to simply break, it feels like moments but when she comes back to herself the room is darker, night has descended. 

She realises she doesn't have her wand, where was the last place she had it? A sudden rush of adrenaline hits her now, how can she help James if she doesn't have her fucking wand. He could be dying somewhere and she's doing nothing to help, nothing. She's frantically running from room to room when she hears the front door open. 

He appears at their door, god it was nearly just her door. He's bloodied, but walking with the confident grace he always has and his face splits into the widest grin as he sees her. 

"I'm dead for not even 2 hours and the dungarees make a comeback? I thought you had more respect for me than that!"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" She flies across the room at him and his arms open to receive her and-

She's hitting him, pummelling his chest with her fists. 

"Don't you ever send me a message like that ever again," she's openly crying, pounding every inch of him she can reach and he's flinching away from her. 

"Sorry, I'm so sorry I just-" he grabs her wrists to pull her in tight. His arms surround her, pinning her body close to his. The pressure is almost too much but she needs it, god she needs it. 

"I thought that was it and I was afraid you'd never," he pauses to swallow past the lump in his throat "you'd always wonder what had happened and I needed you to know that no matter what my last thoughts were of you, of course they were." 

Arms raise around his neck, her nose brushes his throat. She knows her tears are soaking through the jumper he wears.

"I love you." she chokes. "But we're going to have a big fight about this later, ok? But not now." She pulls back, hands now soft on either side of his face. He's looking tenderly at her like he's committing her face to memory. 

"Huge fight," he whispers back smiling. "Thank you for getting Padfoot-" her hands tighten, grip his collar, "he um, didn't want to see this, he'll pop by tomorrow."

A hysterical noise burst from her lips, it's half laugh half sob. 

"You're making me a mirror, I shouldn't have to-"

"Tomorrow, first thing tomorrow I promise."

The room is almost completely dark now, Lily's tears have subsided but her heart is still racing, her stomach still feels hollow. 

His fingers toy with the button by her shoulder.

 "We're safe Lily, we're both safe, but more importantly what can we do about getting these off?"

"You prick." 

"Massive fight, tomorrow." 

[chelsie-fan-55]



‘Oldies are doing well’ Phyllis Logan hails older generations as Downton helps BritsDOWNTON Abbey star Phyllis Logan says it was “fabulous” to be reunited with the cast and production crew to shoot a second film due out early next year. The sequel follows on from the events of the first film released two years ago, which was set in 1927 with Robert and Cora Crawley, the Earl and Countess of Grantham, receiving a visit from King George V and Queen Mary during a royal tour of Yorkshire. Filming of the second film, which sees Dominic West, Hugh Dancy and Laura Haddock join original stars including Dame Maggie Smith, Hugh Bonneville, Michelle Dockery and Elizabeth McGovern, started at Highclere Castle in Hampshire in April and finished in June. Phyllis, 65, who has portrayed Downton housekeeper Mrs Hughes in all six series of the original ITV drama and reprised the role for both films, said: “It was fabulous to be reunited with the cast again, we had such a lovely time, but it was over far too quickly. “During the six seasons that we did (for TV) we usually started filming in the February and finished in the autumn, so we had a good six months of each other, and now it is curtailed into a matter of weeks, so it was done a bit too quickly but we had a great time. “There is lots of nice, really fun stuff in it, I must say and some lovely star turns.” Phyllis, who is also the narrator of fly-on-the-wall TV show The Highland Vets, which starts its fourth series on Channel 5 tomorrow (MON) night, believes period dramas like Bridgerton and Downton have provided much-needed escapism during the past 18 months of the Covid-19 pandemic. She says: “With the likes of Downton Abbey it looks so magnificent, the costumes are magnificent and the mores of the time are different where you don’t air-kiss and have to be suited and booted, and straight-laced, well certainly outwardly.. who knows what they got up to behind closed doors. “But we try to show some of this too and the public just can’t get enough of this type of costume drama. “Everyone has been bingeing or re-bingeing on their favourite shows just to give them a sense of normality. “If you can watch Bridgerton, if you can watch Downton Abbey, or your favourite comedy show, you think the world is ok now, or get a sense that life is continuing in a fashion.” Downton has also led the way in using older actors in prominent roles at a time when TV and film has been criticised for being ageist. Phyllis says: “It’s been fabulous and long may this continue. With Dame Maggie (Smith), Dame Penelope (Wilton), myself and Jim Carter, the oldies are doing well.” Her husband Kevin McNally, who is also 65, is best known for portraying Joshamee Gibbs in all five Pirates of the Caribbean films but joined the cast of Downton for its second series on ITV as Horace Bryant. Phyllis says: “It was nice to have my husband in Downton as well but it was very peculiar the way it happened. “He was on set at one point and said I have just been offered this job and I said ‘oh, what is it?’ And he said Downton Abbey, and I said ‘very funny, what’s the job?’ And he said Downton Abbey and I said ‘oh come on, I haven’t got time, I’ve got to go back on set’. And he was being serious. “They did not even tell me they were going to offer it to him and I thought they should have run it past me first, surely.” She adds: “And it ended up with most of the scenes we were involved in being together, which was unusual. “In normal circumstances as he was playing a posh person and I was playing the housekeeper as usual, I thought our paths would never cross but the way the storyline worked we were always together. “So sometimes we got picked up in a car together to bring us to the castle and it felt like ‘bring your husband to work day’, so I thought ‘what is going on?’” Phyllis, who also starred as Lady Jane Felsham in Lovejoy with Ian McShane for eight years, met Kevin, who portrayed Bernard Ingham in The Crown last year, when they co-starred in mini-series Love and Reason in 1994. Since then they had only appeared together in short films and an episode of comedy show Rab C Nesbitt until their joint stint in Downton, but Phyllis says she would be happy to work together again in the future. And Kevin’s help was vital when it came to recording the narration for The Highland Vets, which follows the vets, nurses and receptionists at DS McGregor & Partners veterinary practice in Thurso, Caithness, as they treat animals in the remote northern tip of the UK mainland. After recording the first couple of episodes of series one in a studio in London’s Soho, Phyllis has been forced to do her narrations since the first lockdown in March last year from the study of her home in west London. She says: “Kevin was my sound engineer for the Highland Vets. They sent all this equipment and I was so useless at using it that Kevin was thankfully around and on hand to be my sound engineer.” The fourth series of the Highland Vets, which contains seven hour-long episodes, starts with the vets treating a young Common seal spotted struggling on a beach by a walker. She adds: “I haven’t done many narrations. I enjoy this one because it is such a lovely programme, there is always something different cropping up, so it is a pleasure to do it.” As a result of the repeated lockdowns for the pandemic she has yet to travel up to Caithness to meet the staff at the vets. But Prince Charles did pay them a visit during a two-day tour of Scotland, where he is known as the Duke of Rothesay, at the end of last month (JULY). Unfortunately the TV cameras were not there at the time but wearing a kilt, he was welcomed by senior vet and director Guy Gordon, who introduced him to his team, including Katie Reiss, 22, who had only started work a few days earlier. Ms Reiss said: “It’s an unorthodox start to work! We spoke about my training at Edinburgh University and chatted about how the vets have been really helpful integrating me into work. “He (Charles) said to stick at it and not lose hope because I have wanted to be a vet since I was a wee kid.” Guy says: “We felt honoured that Prince Charles was keen to visit our veterinary practice to meet the staff and learn about what we do. “He stayed with us for about 45 minutes chatting about aspects of our work with genuine interest and insight. “The light drizzle didn’t dampen this special occasion nor cause him to hurry, he took time to engage with everyone. “So they have the royal seal of approval.” She adds she loves getting to see The Highland Vets before anyone else to do its narration. “There are a few sad bits that do not go to plan but it is so heartfelt.. and the fact that they are in that location which is absolutely spectacular, that they all love it, they love their lives, their jobs, their workmates, their animals. “It’s just beautiful and lovely and life-affirming stuff, even when things go wrong.” Phyllis also stars in a film, The Last Bus, with Timothy Spall which they shot two years ago but has just been released. It tells the story of an old man whose wife has just died using his free bus pass to travel to the other end of the UK, where they originally lived, with her ashes in a small suitcase. She will also be seen in the second series of BBC drama Guilt, which is due to air later this year. *The new series of The Highland Vet starts tomorrow at 9pm on 5Select. Source: Sunday Express