#party rock!!! yeah...... whoo!!!

[wordfather]

party rock anthem is not a meme song to me. it is simply one of the best songs ever. have you heard? party rock is in the house tonight. and brother? everyday im shuffling

[soulc-hilde]

Game Shakers / Pt. 4

Pairing: Eminem x OFC! King

Warning(s): Cursing, drug abuse, racial discrimination, sexual assault

Summary: 2000s seemed to be quite the highlight between the fashion and the rise of pop culture. Seemingly the new faces of shock value, rapper Marshall Mathers and rockstar King Woods seem to find a common ground amongst the unnecessary bullshit.

Divider by @saradika-graphics I believe that's the name, I hope so cause it took me some time to track it down

Ch. 01 | Ch. 02 | Ch. 03 | Ch. 04 |

2000

The night of the Grammys is much like any other night at an award show. You walk down the carpet, get blinded by the paparazzi, answer pointless questions, sit for prolonged periods of time just to watch yourself and everyone else be screwed over, party, and kill yourself.

Well, maybe that last part was a bit extreme, but there was no denying that was how King felt about the shit. They leave with a Best Hard Rock Performance for You Spin Me Round and Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Santana for Maria Maria thanks to the band’s collab with King. Unlike before, Matteo directs security to drive the group back home per their request.

More pleased to celebrate with each other than two-faced strangers, the sextet sits around the living room of Harley’s house conversing and sipping glasses of wine. Everything was going swell until the party host glances King’s way with indescribable yet daunting glare.

“Speaking of love,” she drags out, teasingly. “Looks like Cupid’s arrow hit the bullseye on someone.” King scrunches her nose, “if it was a bullseye, it’d technically be anal, and I think an arrow is a little outside of my boundaries.”

The group laughs as the lead vocalist neither denies or confirms the obvious affection growing between her and a certain blond. Maliyah jokes, “why do I get the feeling that you’d much prefer someone than a something?”

King shrugs, “I mean, I wouldn’t complain. I got to see it.”

As if all five friends were Bluetooth synced, they sit up and shout: “You got to what?!” Their eyes bulge out of their skulls, jaws dropping to the floor.

Matteo gulps, recollecting himself as the brotherly figure. “Okay, okay. Whoo, run that by us again? You got to see… it. What precisely is ‘it’?” His onyx eyes glare up at the nonchalant singer.

“His dick.” She answers, her voice echoing against her Moscato filled wine glass. Dramatically, Tink jumps over the back of the couch with a scream as she runs down the main hall behind the living room before coming back, past the group and into the kitchen.

“When was this?” Harley laughs, tan face turning hot with amusement. “When we left the MTV after party.” Breathless and tipsy, Iris throws a couch pillow at her friend with a cry: “Stop giving us short answers, bitch!”

Tink calms down, flipping over the back of the couch once again, stiff as a board. Panting, she adds on, “we need details. A, a – what was that middle school bullshit from English? A who, where, when, what, and how.”

Maliyah claps her hands, nodding, “please! We already have the who -” The others chime in unison, “Marshall and King.” She continues, “the when –“

“MTV Awards.”

“And the what –“

“King got front row tickets to this man’s penis!” The forementioned woman snorts, chewing on her Doritos and tuna salad.

“So, all we need now is the where and the how. Now, give us.”

“Fine,” she sighs, a subtle blush setting on her cheeks. “So, after we left that shitty party together –“

2019

“Wait, let’s rewind it back. Em showed you his dick but y’all never got down like that?”

“Curtis,” King side eyes him, bemused. “Please. You already know this, man.”

The childish rapper shrugs, smiling, “hey. I’m just amazed at how y’all two function, especially when y’all were single but pining after one another. It’s cute. It’s cute.”

“It’s cute?” “Yeah…” She snorts, “shut the fuck up. Anyways!”

2000

“We first agreed on getting McDonalds cause, ya know, a sugar mama’s gotta take care of her baby, now,” she jokes, breaking at the sight of Harley’s glare. “You’re older than him by like two fucking weeks, shut up!”

“Anyways! We get some food, we’re talking and we’re joking. We then talk about our kids, well, more like his seed and my angelic niece and nephew.” Matteo deadpans, “not you lying to this man like your family doesn’t raise menaces to society.”

King looks at him, feigning insulted, “we are not menaces.” Tink nods, “yeah, you’re a damn fiend.” The others laugh while she glares, holding back her own laugh.

“Can I finish, damn!” She huffs, “so we’re talking about the babies. He’s raving on about his little girl, shows me a picture and she is like his damn twin it’s adorable. Then he starts telling me how she’s a fan of ours, I tell him that mine are fans of his. Fast forward, we’re venting, now.”

A glaze of melancholy takes over her once amused gleam, “he’s venting about his baby moms and how she likes to use his daughter in a power trip and constantly cheats on him to the point where instead of seeing it as a dealbreaker, he decides to cheat on her right back. I’m venting my sister and shit, I damn near felt like I was in therapy.”

“Once we had trauma bonded, I guess we felt understood between each other. Like we weren’t the only ones living in this fucked up world where nothing goes right for us. So, we kissed and made out way to my house.”

Harley’s eyes widen, “you let that man in your house?” Iris looks at King with concern, “it took you damn near three years to let Brother Dre even know that you have a house in Cali, let alone step inside.”

“Yeah, yeah, I fucked up alright. We were touching and rubbing, whispering little compliments to each other. It was damn near romantic. Then he saw some of my tattoos and my nipple piercings, so he showed me his tattoos. We got so tired, we just laid out on my bed cuddling and look at each other, studying one another.”

“Dude,” Tink draws, lost in thought. Matteo looks over, “have you talked to him since?”

“Yeah, a lot, actually. Hell, in the morning, we woke up and I made this man breakfast and some coffee. He’s adorable when he’s happy, he does little dance when he likes the food.”

Harley throws her head, “you’re trying to be this man’s wife.” King throws a Dorito at her, “no, I’m not. I feed everybody, it’s a cultural curse. Y’all, out of everybody, knows this… Even Iris, she’s the token white girl.”

“Ya dig,” the strawberry blond sings, causing the crew to laugh once more. Maliyah focuses back onto King, “regardless, King, we can be this man’s friend. However, as you said, he and his baby mama got drama the size of a category 5 hurricane. As you’ve said in the past, you’ve come too far to let some man, some pointless drama stop you from your dreams.”

Matteo nods, “true. We’ll support you in whatever you do, but we beg you, please, just be careful.” Harley adds, “you’ve been through a lot and deserve happiness, just don’t mistake an adrenaline rush for said happiness.”

2019

“Do you think opening up to the group changed the way they looked at Marshall, like at all?”

King sits up in her chair, head shaking. “No, instead, they kind of saw him in a similar light as we all seen each other. We as friends came together because of the shitty cards life threw at us, and we became support pillars for one another before we became business partners. To them, Marshall is a friend their willing to support and stand ten toes down for.”

“Marshall says that, that night after the MTVs wasn’t the night he fell in love with you. Did you fall in love with him that night? Or, was there a different moment that you were just like ‘he’s the one for me?’”

She hisses, head tilting in thought. “I wouldn’t say that was the night I fell in love with Marshall. I would say that I got to see him in a different light, ya know? It wasn’t like some, ‘oh I can fix him’ type shit but more of a twin flame ordeal, if that makes sense.”

“You really believe that Marshall Mathers was made for you?”

“I believe everyone has someone made for them. Platonically or romantically, everyone has a person and he’s mine. Always been mine since day one.” She smiles.

Taglist: @slytherinroyalty16 @evasmlp

Y'all, chapter 4 is here and it's so fucking bad! I apologize for the tardiness as well as the shitty material. I was thinking about doing like a one shot or something about King and Marshall's night, I don't know. Anyways, enjoy and let me know if you wish to join the taglist.

Love, S.C!

[milarqui]

Scarlet Lady: Crocoduel

Directory | Ikari Gozen

“Because you dye! My! Heart! A rainbow of coloooooors!”

“WHOO!” Everyone cheered as Kitty Section's song ended. Everyone had gathered at the Liberty to listen to their friends' band group, and it had been quite amazing, as they played some of the songs they would release soon, but this one was very much unexpected.

“Wow, Rose,” Luka said as he turned off his electric guitar, “you wrote that for Juleka?”

“Heehee! Happy birthday!” Rose said to a smiling, blushing Juleka, then turned to him. “I'll sing you yours before we head out on Saturday, Luka!”

“Lookin' forward to it!” he replied as he began to take off his costume.

“Everyone still down with watching 'Rock and Monster Party Parade'?” Nino asked.

“YEAH!”

Lila split off from the group to approach Luka.

“And how old are you turning, Luka?” she asked, smiling.

Luka smirked down at her.

“One year older than the last year~” he sing-sang, causing Lila to pout.

“Smartass.”

----

As everyone began to split along the Liberty to do their thing, Marinette found Juleka and Rose on their own.

“It'll work out, Ju!” Rose exclaimed in an encouraging tone.

However, Juleka didn't seem to be convinced that it would.

“I don't know...”

“Hm? Is something wrong?” Marinette asked, worried.

“It's just...” Juleka said, sighing. “This is the first time my Dad is in Paris for our birthday and I really want to celebrate with him. But he and Maman don't know me and Luka know who he is.”

Marinette grimaced.

“Wow, I've... never heard you talk about your dad.”

“Well, he and my Mom don't get along, so...”

“... is he a cop?” Marinette asked, remembering Anarka's rather acrimonious relationship with law enforcement.

All while Rose just gave a nervous smile.

“Every year we 'mysteriously' get gifts centered around our interests,” Juleka said, remembering how she got a makeup kit when she started to be interested in the goth subculture, or the violin Luka was given when he started learning how to play one. “So I think he'd be up for meeting us if not for Maman.”

She sighed.

“I just want to thank him in person.”

“Why woun't your mom let you meet?” Marinette asked, curious.

“Let's put it this way. Between the two of them... my mom's the responsible parent.”

Marinette felt her eyes going wide.

“Oh.” What kind of person is he that Anarka is the more responsible? “Oh, I see.”

“Yeah, I'd like Dad to come too,” Luka added, “but he'll cause a scene if he just shows up at the cinema.”

“'Cause a scene'?” Marinette asked. This only added to the enigma of who their father was.

“How about a party here?” Adrien suggested. “It's private property, so people won't stop him, but not so private he can't coincidentally stop by! Only hiccup is letting your dad in on the plan.”

“Oh, that's easy,” Luka said, pulling out his phone. “I have his manager's number.”

“Oh, perfect!” Adrien exclaimed, ignorant of the mental collapse Marinette was suffering.

Who is this man?! His manager?!

----

“Ha! Your birthday's on the same day so you have to be twins!” Lila shouted, but Luka's smirk stopped her cold.

“Or we were born on the same day years apart.”

“ARGHHH!”

Juleka rolled her eyes at her brother's teasing.

Luka's having too much fun with this, she thought.

----

The next day, preparations for the birthday party were quickly underway, and everyone was helping wherever they could.

“Thanks for bringing the cake, Marinette!” Juleka said, preparing to hang the flags next to a window, as her friend placed the box with the cake on the table.

“No problem!” Marinette replied, just as someone knocked on a window. Luka opened to see who was calling –

“Jagged?” Marinette asked, surprised.

“Hey, birthday sibs! Bon Anniv'!” the rocker said, grinning at Luka, who helped him through the window. “I'm not late, am I?”

“Early, actually,” Luka corrected, while Marinette's surprised turned into confusion.

“What is Jagged Stone doing here...”

Wait.

She slowly turned to look at Juleka, who was looking away and trying (and failing) to look innocent by whistling.

Marinette felt her jaw drop at the shock.

“I was so pumped to get an official invite! From, uh, 'Anarka's' kids,” Jagged Stone said, unaware of the shock he had just induced in Marinette. “I had to get the perfect gifts!”

From a bag he had brought with him, he pulled a bass guitar, which he offered to Juleka.

“Juleka's Kitty Section's bass guitarist, right? I thought it'd be cool if I gave her my very first bass guitar!”

Juleka carefully picked up the present, tested it, and smiled at Jagged – at her father.

“Thank you.”

Jagged acted as if he had been struck straight in the heart by Juleka's cuteness.

But he quickly recovered from it, and pulled a vinyl from the same bag.

“And for Luka, this original edition LP from Crocoduo, the group I had with your mom–“

“JAGGED STONE, YOU SCALLYWAG!”

Everyone jumped in the air as Anarka Couffaine screamed, her eyes glaring at the rocker.

“A-Anarka!”

“No stow aways on my ship! Disembark right now!” the twins' mother shouted as she walked up to the group.

“H–How'd you know I was here?! I was so sneaky!” Jagged declared, shocked.

“Your tour bus is parked on the dock, you one-hit wonder!”

----

On the dock, the class approached Jagged Stone's tour bus, stunned – mostly because all of them could easily recognize it.

“Whoa...” they all said, as Penny Rolling greeted everyone.

“Hey.”

----

Inside the Liberty, things were a lot more tense.

“You have some nerve gifting the album that split us up!” Anarka shouted, marching up to Jagged Stone.

“'Split us up?!' You mean the album that gave me my life back after you left me!” Jagged replied, brandishing the vinyl disc as if it were a weapon, only for Anarka to grab the other side and pull.

“You're the one who left me!” she said.

“No, you!” he replied.

None of them aware of the black butterfly flitting its way down until it touched the disc – which turned black.

“A-AKUMA! AH, SHIT!” Marinette shouted as the disc cracked and both Anarka and Jagged showed the signs of Akumatization.

Juleka and Luka sighed.

“Happy birthday to us.”

----

Hawkmoth was stunned.

It was the first time he had a two-for-one deal.

And both of them were people he had Akumatized in the past.

There was only one thing he could say.

“What? You two again?”

----

Captain Hardrock and Guitar Villain quickly took to the skies, facing each other.

“Ye selfish sea dog, ye sailed off on yer own cruise leaving two matey's behind!” the pirate-themed Akuma shouted.

“You're the one who destroyed our duet and played on without me!” the dragon-riding Akuma shouted back.

“Aw, man, you can get Akumatized again?!” Alix complained.

“Even after Scarlet Lady purifies the butterfly?” Ivan asked, remembering how he got Akumatized twice from the same butterfly.

“Well, that one florist gets Akumatized a lot–” Rose reminded her friend.

“BOOOOO!” Nino yelled, ignoring how his best friend was slowly sneaking away.

Elsewhere in the dock, Marinette was doing the same, while Juleka and Luka watched their parents duking it out in the skies of Paris.

“So much for keeping things a secret,” Luka lamented.

----

“GET BACK HERE, YOU BILGE RAT!”

“TRY AND CATCH ME!”

“Chloé! Akuma!” Tikki exclaimed, but when she turned, she saw Chloé was deliberately looking away.

“So it is.”

“Time to goooo,” Tikki tried to push her.

“Oh, what's the point?!” Chloé complained. “It's not like I can fly up there! Even though I'm a Ladybug hero!”

She turned to Tikki.

“Make me able to fly!”

“No~”

----

As the two Akumas fought, Chat Noir and Marigold managed to reach out to them and attempted to make them stand down.

“I'm the only one who gets to slay that villain, alley cat!”

Unfortunately, the Akumas were so fixated in their fight that they didn't like the interference, and one of Captain Hardrock's cannonballs struck Chat Noir before he could knock Guitar Villain out.

“WAH–!” he shouted as he fell off the dragon.

“I'm the one who gets to sink that ship, you wasp!”

While Guitar Villain hit Marigold with his guitar before she could inutilize one of the ship's engines – causing her to fall off as well.

“AHHH!”

Fortunately, both heroes reached a safe place, but the two Akumas were too high to reach.

“C'mon, Guitar Villain! We've got a duel to finish!”

“You heroes just wait there!”

Marigold and Chat Noir huffed, trying to work out how to stop them, while Scarlet Lady finally arrived.

“Ha! You totally got ignored! Losers!” the so-called heroine exclaimed.

“We're ignoring you too,” Guitar Villain reminded her, causing the heroes to give a knowing look at their 'partner'.

“HEY!”

The Akumas flew away, intent on continuing their fight, while Scarlet Lady angrily pointed at them.

“No fair! We don't have wings or a flying ship!”

Marigold snapped her fingers and turned to Chat Noir.

“Hey, that's right! What about the space potion?”

Chat Noir smiled.

“You're right! Let me just...”

He started to pat his pockets, but then he realized they were not as full as they should have been.

And he turned to Marigold.

“I... I forgot them at home.”

“M–Me too.”

“Pathetic.”

The heroes tried to come up with a plan to deal with the lack of materials, when they saw the twins shouting at their Akumatized parents.

“Do you have to attack each other?!” Juleka screamed, clearly upset.

“Stop pulling others into your drama!” Luka called them out.

The two heroes quickly realized they had had the same idea, and nodded at each other.

“I think this 2-for-1 special calls for a 2-for-1 special, Goldie!” Chat Noir said with a wink, which the Bee Heroine returned.

“Ooo, I think something nice and loud would suit just fine!” she replied, and Chat Noir extended his baton.

“You got it!” he shouted as he jumped away with his weapon.

“Where's he going?” Scarlet Lady asked. “Did he realize he's useless?”

“Nevermind that,” Marigold replied, grabbing her arm. “You and I are gonna protect civilians until he gets back.”

“NOOOOOO!” Scarlet Lady uselessly (as most of her efforts) yelled, unable to free herself from Marigold's iron grip, while Juleka turned to her brother.

“Maybe we should pitch in and help.”

----

“Master Fu!” Adrien said as he entered the old man's house, which was shaking from the sounds of battle. “There's–”

“Two Akumas? I noticed,” Master Fu replied, already opening the gramophone so Adrien could choose a Miraculous. Much to his surprise, he picked the Snake Bracelet and another one. “This is getting risky, Adrien. Five heroes?”

“Well, I only need one Miraculous if you have some space potion lying around,” Adrien replied, making Fu raise an eyebrow.

“And what happened to the one I gave you?” he asked, amused.

“Uh! Well! You can't expect me to carry weird colored cheese with me all the time, can you?” he excused himself, only for Plagg to spring up from behind his shoulder.

“You could if you weren't a COWARD!”

----

While Chat Noir made his way back to his partner, things were getting heated up in the sky, as the Akumas traded accusations, while, below them, Alya, Mylène, and Lila observed.

“You only ever cared about your music! That's why you dumped me when you started climbing the charts!” Captain Hardrock shouted, pointing at Guitar Villain with her large cutlass.

“Whoa,” Alya said with a grimace.

“Omigod the tea,” Lila added.

“Have you caught sea madness?! You dumped me! And didn't even tell me you were pregnant, and blocked me from my own kids!”

“WHAT?!” Alya shouted, feeling like her glasses were breaking apart from the shock, as Mylène looked on, stunned.

“Ohohomighod the tea!” Lila exclaimed.

----

Luckily, Chat Noir arrived soon, and the first thing he did was to walk up to his partner and kiss her hand.

“Welcome back to the party,” Marigold graciously said.

“Please, I am the party,” Chat Noir replied, discreetly passing her the new Miraculous he had picked.

“Did you remember to bring a gift?” she asked, grabbing the richly decorated wooden box.

“Only the best for my honeybee,” he said, smiling at her, before picking Luka up. “C'mon, Luka. Let's go recite our scales.”

Luka looked at Chat Noir with a surprised face.

Meanwhile, Marigold was tossing her top to hook it to a nearby roof and grabbed the other Couffaine sibling, who was shocked.

“Let's go, Juleka.”

“Wuh–HEY!”

Both heroes flew away towards nearby roofs... leaving their 'partner' behind.

“What about me?!” she complained.

(Nobody cared)

----

As soon as they were in a secluded place, Marigold pulled the box Chat Noir had brought her and offered it to Juleka.

“Juleka Couffaine, this is the Tiger Miraculous, which grants the power of Exaltation. You will use it for the greater good,” she said.

“M–Me?” Juleka stumbled. “But I'm not–”

“After helping with Captain Hardrock and Silencer you still don't think you're a hero?” Marigold asked with a smile, making Juleka blush.

“You remembered...” the girl said. It was enough for her to accept opening the box, revealing a panjas bracelet – and a light that flew around her before transforming into a small creature that –

“ROOOAR!”

“Wah–!” Juleka yelled, jumping back from the shock and falling to the ground. The small creature flew closer to her.

“C'mon, let's wreak havoc!” the Tiger Kwami said, grinning.

“O–Okay...” Juleka mumbled, still in shock from the sudden appearance.

“Huh?” the kwami continued, leaning his head. “You say something? Louder!”

“Okay,” Juleka replied in a normal tone.

“LOUDER!”

“OKAAAAAY!” Juleka finally shouted, making the Kwami fly back.

“WHOOOOOAH! Nice and loud! Perfect!” she said, smiling. “My power won't work if you don't feel it!”

Juleka nodded, putting on the bracelet on her right hand.

“Next, just say, 'Roarr–'”

----

“STRIPES ON!”

----

“Alright, ready when you are,” Viperion said, his transformation complete, as Chat Noir looked on, slightly worried.

“You're okay going against your parents?” Chat Noir asked, but Viperion shrugged.

“Going against authority is the Couffaine way,” he replied. “Even your parents.”

Chat Noir nodded – it was an idea that really spoke to his own soul.

“That's such a good way,” he agreed.

----

“Chat Noir!” Marigold said, as she and her new partner landed next to him, Viperion, and Scarlet Lady.

“Ah, the gang's all here!” the Cat Hero happily exclaimed, while Scarlet looked on with disgust.

“Gross, you got another cat?”

“The name is Purple Tigress,” the new heroine replied, while Marigold turned to her oldest partner.

“Chaton, I need you to throw us as high as you can!”

“Sure thing!” he replied, extending his baton as far as he could and telling the two girls to stand at the other end of it. “Me and Viperion will keep protecting citizens!”

“Ew!” Scarlet Lady said, running after Marigold and Purple Tigress. “Then I'm coming with–”

Too late, as Chat Noir pulled with all his strength and sent the Bee and Tiger Heroines flying – while whacking Scarlet Lady in the face.

“AH!”

Chat Noir grinned before walking to continue the work of helping innocent people.

----

The Akumas were so absorbed into their fight that, while trying to stop them was hard, stealing their Akumatized objects was another matter entirely.

“Ahoy, Captain Hardrock!” Marigold cheekily greeted her as she grabbed one half while dodging her slashes. “Yoink!”

“HEY!”

“Time to turn down the volume!” Purple Tigress said as she spun around Guitar Villain, who couldn't make heads nor tails of the new heroine as she grabbed the second half of the disc.

“OI!”

“You're ruining the music!”

The duo quickly jumped to the end of the flying ship and –

“HA!”

“HNGH!”

– snapped both halves of the disc over their knees!

But... nothing happened.

“... where's the Akuma?” the heroines asked themselves.

----

Chat Noir saw that both heroines were holding onto the end of his baton and contracted it.

“Aaaand they're back,” he announced, but when they returned it was obvious something had gone wrong. “It didn't work?”

“No!” Marigold shouted, observing the disc pieces and trying to find some clue in them. “I don't get it!”

“Me either,” Purple Tigress admitted.

“I saw the Akuma go in before it was broken–” both Viperion and Purple Tigress said at the same time, and they gave each other a glare.

“I got it!” Marigold interrupted. “We put them together and then break it!”

She grabbed Scarlet Lady's hand.

“Hurry, use your Lucky Charm!”

“Don't boss me around,” the Ladybug 'heroine' said, but still she created the magical object they needed to solve the problem.

“Purple Tigress, use your power to keep them at bay!” Chat Noir said, but the Tiger Heroine was doubtful.

“W-What if I miss, or, I can't pull it off?!” she asked, scared of failure. “Roarr said I had to 'feel it'!”

“Hey,” Viperion gently said. “Second Chance.”

Purple Tigress looked at him in shock.

“Now no matter how many times you need, I'll make sure you get your shot,” he said, smiling. “But I bet you'll only need one chance.”

Purple Tigress smiled back at him, and, encouraged by his support, turned towards the dueling Akumas.

“You two are always so damn loud. No one can get a word in edgewise!” she growled as her right fist shone in purple, swirling energy – and jumped. “How is anyone supposed to settle things when you won't listen?! It's time for you two to SHUT THE HELL UP!”

She reached the flying ship, still engaged in fight with the dragon, and her clenched fist struck the former.

“CLOUT!”

The energy collided with the ship, and the explosion of energy suddenly sent both Akumas flying arse over teakettle... much to the shock of Chat Noir and Viperion, who watched the entire thing with wide open eyes and an inability to look away.

“Ready, Chat Noir!” Marigold happily declared after using the Lucky Charm – a roll of adhesive tape – to put the disc back together.

“C–Cataclysm,” Chat Noir said without looking away from the Clout explosion.

----

Once everything was fixed up, Marigold took Purple Tigress aside, and she returned to her civilian identity of Juleka Couffaine, who carefully took the bracelet and put it back into its box.

“Thanks for trusting me, Marigold,” she said, giving the box back to the Bee Heroine.

“Whoo! That was awesome!” Roarr said, floating and smiling at her temporary wielder. “It's been a while since I've felt this refreshed! Feels good to let it out, right?”

“Yeah, it does!” Juleka exclaimed, before she remembered the other thing that had happened earlier, and turned to Marigold. “... um... you should know... I figured out Viperion's identity. And he probably knows mine.”

“Oh...” Marigold replied, before she started to get covered in a cold sweat. “I–It's fine. Probably.”

“Are you sure?” Juleka asked. “You don't look fine.”

“Nah, it's probably cool.”

----

Unfortunately, while they may have been deakumatized, it hadn't brought peace, because Anarka and Jagged had resumed their argument from earlier.

“You shipwrecker! This was your fault!” Anarka screamed.

“You're the one off-key!” Jagged screamed back.

“Oh my god, SHUT UP!” Juleka interrupted, fed up with the shouting. “No one cares who's fault it is, so drop it and at least be civil!”

Both adults pulled back and looked chagrined in the face of the girl's wrath, and Anarka pointed at a suddenly shy Jagged Stone.

“J–Juleka, there's something you don't know about this ship rat–”

“What, that he's my dad?” Juleka asked with a deadpan face.

“You knew?!” the adults shouted at the same time.

“I've always known,” Juleka replied, crossing her arms, while her friends reacted in different ways, from Rose's smile to Alix sticking her tongue. “And now so does all of Paris.”

After a few seconds of silence, the adults turned back to each other.

“This isn't something we can be civil about!” Jagged shouted. “Bob gave me your letter! It said you wanted nothing to do with me! It didn't even mention the kids!”

“Have you swallowed sea water?!” Anarka accused. “Bob gave me your letter and it said you wanted nothing to do with me! Right after I told Bob I was pregnant–”

As they listened to what the other was saying, Anarka and Jagged realized something that was missing.

The neuron they needed to realize what had really happened that day, sixteen years before.

Their growing fury turned so incandescent, that Jagged Stone and Anarka Couffaine looked like they were about to fire a Kamehameha at something – or someone.

“BOB!”

----

In one of the many streets that populated the fair city of Paris, a certain music producer (who, in his free time, also was a walking excrement) called Bob Roth felt a shiver running down his back, as if someone had stepped over his (shallow) tomb.

“Why do I feel a sudden chill...?” he asked himself.

Not having any pattern recognition, he didn't give it the importance it required.

----

Anarka and Jagged's brief foray into Saiyanism ended, and both of them collapsed into the Liberty's deck, as they realized what they could have avoided if they hadn't trusted the wrong person.

“I feel so dumb...” Anarka mumbled.

“All this time...” Jagged mumbled.

“This day has been so weird,” Alya declared, and everyone else nodded.

“Alright, everyone!” Penny said, clapping her hands and catching everyone's attention. “Let's not forget, we're here to celebrate! Let's get back to it!”

Everyone cheered in agreement, and Anarka and Jagged were shaken off their brooding: standing up, they hugged each other.

“I'm sorry, Nanarky,” Jagged said.

“I'm sorry too, you old pirate,” Anarka gently replied.

“Let's figure this out later,” Jagged added, before looking at his ever-faithful assistant. “Penny.”

“Already on it,” she said with a grin that wouldn't have been out of place in a sea predator or in a law firm.

----

Jagged offered to play with his children and their group for the party, and they all agreed: playing with Jagged Stone, famous rock and roll star, AND father of about half the group? No one was crazy enough to pass on the opportunity!

“I know I have a lot of time to make up for...” Jagged said as they adjusted their strings, “but I'm gonna do my best to play to your tunes.”

“I know it'll be a beautiful duet, Dad,” Luka said, hugging his father.

“You're speaking my language,” Jagged replied, and Luka let him go so Juleka could glomp him.

“I love you, Papa,” Juleka added.

“You rock my world, too.”

“Please don't get back with Maman.”

“Pretty sure that ship has sailed,” Jagged sentenced.

----

The party was now in full swing. With Kitty Section having done its part, now it was time for DJ Nino to put on some of his music, and everyone was now cheering in unison to the new tunes.

That was when Lila corralled Luka.

“A-HA!” she shouted, and Luka turned to look at her, as she gave a knowing grin. “If Jagged Stone is both you and Juleka's dad, then you have to be twins!”

Luka looked back at her, and shrugged.

“Guess you got me,” he admitted, and Lila smirked.

“Ha! Yes! I win!” she said, walking away. “Nothing gets past me!”

Except the smirk Luka was now bearing, and which she missed because she wasn't looking.

You still haven't figured out my age, though, he thought as he tried to contain his laughter.

----

In one of the most expensive and famous restaurants of Paris, the aforementioned music producer-slash-walking excrement was sitting down at a table, ready to partake in a delicious lunch.

“Enjoy your meal, M. Roth,” the elégant waitress said, and walked to her waiting place while Bob opened his Loco laptop in order to check his business.

Sadly for him, he was doing this as he drank from a glass of Perrier water, and the moment he saw the latest email he had received, he spewed most of what he had drunk and began to choke on the rest.

“M. Roth?!” the worried waitress asked, while in the screen of the laptop glared three large lines that spelled doom for the producer.

Notice of Termination

Penny Rolling

You're fired, Bob.

----

Robostus

@zoe-oneesama How far can Clout fire Bob Roth? Answer: Not far enough.

Apologies for taking so long in writing this chapter! It's been quite the month, between work, personal projects, real life issues... I never found the time nor the boost I needed to get back into writing this novelization! But, between the one-shot I wrote (only if (a) you are a RWBY fan and (b) at least 18 years old) and a request from @sassy-but-sweet-purrrincess29, I got back into the saddle!

I hope to be able to finish Season 4 before the end of year, and continue with a similar tempo as earlier. Please, bear with me (also, we've got the events at the end of Style Queen, and I really want to write that scene!).

With this chapter, we've reached 477 pages, 191,219 words, 1,030,945 characters!

See you soon!

[ilhoonftw]

all songs in order playlist (youtube)

thriller: now, we back! pack your bags! / only one chance right? / come on!

lover boy: yeah, it was so hard to say goodbye / yeah, you should know by now / and it is what it is, the boys in the house / yeah, it's btob come on!

wow: btob, back again / btob, change the game / btob, get your swag (on)

my friend's girlfriend: let's get them! / btob back again (ha) / btob rock this game (ha) / yeah we ain't ever gonna change they can't stop us / yeah, we back again / btob back again (ha) / btob rock this game (ha) / we are so awesome from now on / let's party together [btw this song was supposed to be the complete album title.. instead of it's okay]

you're so fly: whoo! how ya doin' girl? / yeah how ya doin' girl? there's something i gotta tell you / my eyes ain't turning, they're fixed on you / how'd you like to hang with me tonight?

missing you: my life is incomplete / it's missing you

u&i: girl, you don't have to hide your feelings anymore / you see, i know how you feel about me / and i may not have shown it, but / i feel the same way, so listen up

i'll be your man: girl, i don't know where you are / but if you can hear my prayer / give me one last shot, hoo yeah ha

shake it: yeah! 2014 baby / btob! melody! / let's shake your booty yup

guitar: she’s like a guitar, yeah-eh / love, i'm fallin’ in love / love i’ve never before, yeah-eh

[kawaknown]

UNDERCURENT LAST DANCE

20th Anniversary and Final Party

Nov. 2023

DJ Mixed by Kawaknown

Streaming and Download | https://hearthis.at/kawaknown/undercurrent-last-dance-mix/

David Bowie - Rebel Rebel (Soulwax Re Edit)

Primal Scream vs. Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell - Ain't No Rocks (BM Edit 132)

Basement Jaxx vs. Sly & the Family Stone vs. MGMT vs. New Pornographers vs. Sweet vs. Led Zeppelin - Do Your Thing To The Music

!!! - NRGQ

The Rapture - Whoo! Alright Yeah…Uh Huh.

Peter Bjorn and John - Young Folks

The Black Keys - Fever

Dayglow - Can I Call You Tonight

The 1975 - If You're Too Shy (Let Me Know)

Foals - 2am

Phoenix - Alpha Zulu

Friendly Fires - Ex Lover

Underworld - Always Loved A Film (AmpLive Remix)

The Chemical Brothers - Let Forever Be (The Secret Psychedelic Mix)

Yppah - Bushmills

The Chemical Brothers vs. Phoenix - The Darkness That You Fear/If I Ever Feel Better 17.New Order vs. Denki Groove - The Perfect Kiss/N.O.

The Chemical Brothers - Star Guitar/Skipping Like A Stone (feat. Beck)

[littlebetesofeverything]

Welcome to Night Vale Ep 24

Whoo, I survived driving through a massive storm yesterday and had a nice catch up dinner with an old friend. And today I finally turned on the heater and started rotating out my closet. Now to Cecil and the latest in Night Vale!

The mayor is missing? Well, that's wait and see if this is actually something. See even the assistant says so.

Ah yes, the whole of course I have the same powers schtick. Well, that was not what I expected to happen, wow.

Of course, all the phones are bugged in Night Vale.

This musical sounds incredible. I want a ticket, please. Cecil as Pippin? Oh my god, that is on point. I can see how that is perfect for him.

Kids, never stare into space. That's how you become nihilistic. The dead eye shit sounds cooler, actually.

"what if the void is not as void as we thought?" Thanks Cecil, that is gonna keep me up for sure. A "fun fact" for sure

Josie, is it a roommate thing, or a roommate thing? Either way, props to you.

I thought the Apache Tracker had been reformed? He had hung up the headdress, last time I checked.

Leather briefcase? didn't one of the travelers have one like it? Ohhh the plot thickens. I swear I have popcorn for this story.

Oh yeah, ad break time. Cecil that echo effect should be used in other parts of your broadcast. Guarantee that it will give me chills with other phrases. Wait is there another voice overlaying at the end? Sounds more female though.

Did the Apache Tracker do a hit on the mayor? Oops, they did a sacrifice to the little people, that's my guess.

no Cecil is right, he is a jerk. I have never seen elephants in mourning so hard to visualize.

Oh no, right now I do not dislike the politicians for party reasons. I do it for inciting violence against its own citizens and just be fucking dicks.

But yeah, I do get wanting to find the missing person.

Oh good, she was found. But why the dog park? and hooded figures are with her too, I'm worried.

Dana is alive! Wow. Wait, 2 months have passed in Night Vale. Get Carlos to check the calendar.

Huh, she is stepping down. That sure is a twist. I love how Cecil does care about the interns, enough if they do have a short life expectancy.

Even Cecil is surprised, which means I was right to side-eye it.

Can I hear how the past mayors got executed? please, I am very curious med student.

I mean, I do want to be turned into a tree when I die. Or get donated to science. It's a coin toss still.

I liked the twists and turns here. But yeah, this was good. Until next time, I need some sleep. That's if I can forget Cecil reminding me that we are all just passengers on a rock that is moving in a void of space.

[liopleurodean]

Season 9, Episode 8: Rock And A Hard Place

Aw.

Poor girl

Is that pepper spray? Good for her

Ooh, a taser! Even better!

That's horrifying

Interesting sign

Right...

Sure

That's because it can't

Here we go

And there it is

Ooh, Dean, maybe work on your parking a bit

Yup

"A tizzy," huh?

Fair

Yeah, alright

Nope

Interesting name

Poor guy

Magic fire

Oh, Dean

I mean. You don't have to register to go to a church

I'm sure they are

APU?

Dean can't go there 😂

Oh boy

So... Dean?

Dragon?

That's just whack

Dean.

Poor Bonnie

That's the first thing that's sounded even remotely right

Oh boy

Isn't this like, Dean's third time? Cause of the whole 're-hymenated' thing, back when Cas rebuilt him?

Ooh, smart! I like her

...interesting

Uh oh

Good start

Dean.

Yikes

Dragons.

Smart answer

Wow, Dean

That's freaky

OH ITS THIS SCENE

They don't, but go on

Dean.

Why?

Sam is so done

Those poor girls

Right...

Of course

Dean.

Ouch

If someone wants to take cookies, let them take cookies. It's a church. Be generous.

Breaking chastity vows?

Whoo, boy

What's wrong with Oreos?

I doubt it

Dean is insufferable

Wow

Yiiikes

Crap. Dean and Suzy

Uh oh

Dean, no

Romantic, at least

Dude. She's literally crying

He has no freaking clue what he's doing

Fair

...sorry, I guess

Yeah, I guess

She has no idea

Breeze through them.

Uh oh

THATS HOW HE FREAKING KNEW HER

Casual.

He's absolutely fantastic

This is so horrible and hilarious

Dean.

Touche

Why is porn so freaking weird?

This is not gonna end well

I can't watch anymore 😭 😂

Okay

OLE 😭

Getting serious again

Poor girl

Hey, there we go

That went well

Freaky

He's dead

Oh boy

Rip

The heck? It didn't take them?

Um...

So... she's insane

Okay then

There it is

Dean, wake up

That ain't hell, buddy

Sorry dude, but Dean's way stronger than you

Interesting...

It's taken all six already

It's not God

No service, I'll bet

I mean, it helped

Uh oh

Wow! Y'all are supposed to be church kids!

Probably

Eh...

She is the cops

That works

I'll fudgin' kill you!

I mean. It was kinda Dean's fault

That ain't the monster

Uh oh

Freaky

Most of them, yeah

Yikes

Hehe

Ouch

There we go

That'll work

That seems so inefficient

Uh oh

No, don't pull it out!

He's actually celibate

Ha! Oh, that's gold

Figures

Aw, he missed the party

Trouble finds them

He looks asleep on his feet

Eh...

Why not?

Dean is so done

Well too bad!

All of it.

Same as they always do

[munchflix]

MUNCHFLIX - THE DIRT 1.25

IMDB BLURB: Based on the bestselling autobiography from Mötley Crüe, the film is an unflinching tale of success and excess as four misfits rise from the streets of Hollywood to the heights of international fame.

WARNINGS: Sex, so much sex. Boobs. Graphic depictions of drug use. Horrible 80s hair. Pete Davidson. We’re fucking dumb.

RATING: You don’t know fuckin’ shit about Motley Crue.

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this.

Munch: The absolute shit I do for you. This movie had better slap ass because I really don't like Motley Crue and I don't think they're hot and there had better be some shit to make fun of. Like Motley Crue. I really hope I get to make fun of Motley Crue. I'm gonna start right now by making fun of the way they spelled Motley Crue like a bunch of fucking edgelords.

Biscuits "How many calories are in tequila" Horrorslash: where the hell is my shotglass??!? WHOO YEAH BABEY THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR! This movie gave Motley Crue a huge resurgence in popularity. Everyone saw it and was like - my poor little meow meows uwu. Like - if by that you mean four feral cats let loose in your house screeching and pissing everywhere then yeah.

M: So we open with a little intro to the 80's and people are fucking and ...squirting...publicly....and I'm about to make Biscuits write this entire thing himself.

B: What did you really expect? Nikki is narrating and he has a sad backstory so everyone gets to slobber over him.

M: I'm not picking sides. I don't think any of them are cute. Why does Nikki's dad look like Charles Manson? He's very mouthy for like....a 10 year old? Nikki cuts his arm with a knife to blame his shit ass mom for it.

B: It is based on a book so it's them retelling their own rock star backstories, so take this with as many inches of dick as we're gonna assign to them. So Tommy gets like 8 and a half and Nikki gets like 3.

M: I'm not gonna ask how you know how big everyone's dick is.

B: These men have shown many parts of themselves. Tommy was naked like 90 percent of the time. Also that was a joke, I’m not even saying it’s accurate.

M: I still don't wanna know. So Frank Jr is now Nikki Sixx because he grew up and shit.

Frank Jr.? But he’s just a little girl!

M: Now Tommy is narrating? He comes from like...super suburban normal life. His family is like super normal and healthy. Except Tommy.

B: Tommy Lee was really attractive when he was young. He's the youngest! Tommy and Nikki meet in a diner and they're like - we should totally be in a band and fuck girls in the vicinity of each other! Or just touch tips. Nikki is like - my new band is gonna be so cool! I'm gonna get like 4 rabid raccoons together and just turn em loose on a stage! They find a guitarist but he's shitty and they hate him.

M: Who's this dude? (Mick Mars, he's gonna be the guitarist.) He doesn't like Tommy's old band, they suck. Mick Mars is a dick, jesus. He's like - I am the best guitarist EVAR.

B: Mick Mars is a better guitarist than most people. I have some respect for him, unlike the other members of the band. He's got ankylosing spondylitis and he can walk in heels and play guitar better than I probably ever will. So the band has picked up an old man with bone disease.

M: That's pretty fucking hardcore tho, no wonder he's such a dick. Chronic pain does shit to a person. They are looking for some random skinny dude with attitude to sing in the band. The requirements are so low here.

B: Tommy is giving off major Bill and Ted vibes.

M: They find what I assume Vince Neil singing at a pool party and they're like - HE IS SURROUNDED BY BABES we must take him. This guy looks nothing like Vince Neil.

People ask me - “What don’t you like about Motley Crue music?” I say, “The sound.”

B: Tommy speaks at 300 words per second. Vince is doing coke with his girlfriend because it was the 80's and everyone did cocaine except Jon Bon Jovi.

M: He's not even a rock star yet. This is the most haphazard getting a band together I've ever heard of. They're just like HEY WE ARE A BAND NOW AND WE'RE GONNA GET SO LAID!

B: Vince's girlfriend is just gonna stand there.

M: She's already trying to manage the band but they're gonna shut her down with the power of BUTTROCK!

B: Tommy Lee has the energy of a crackhead even when he's not high. He's lighting cockroaches on fire with hairspray. Nikki has a whole notebook full of doodles of pentagrams and shitty band names. That's just me. I have that same notebook.

M: Why is Mick the only sane member of this band?

B: He doesn't have the energy to do like all the fucked up shit, he's too tired. Vince looks like 80's coked up hooker barbie.

The bass player is the loser of the band, yes he is - if you don’t believe me, take a look at the one you’re with!

M: I guess they're playing a gig now? Or not. Vince and co are already kicking people's asses before a note has been sung.

B: They're throwing hands. And everyone is like - FUCK YEAH THIS BAND RULES! THEY JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE! I'd like to state for the record that my stenographer is refusing to type out some of the things I am saying. She's becoming more of a lesbian every second.

M: Number 1 - I am not your stenographer. 2 - you can edit in whatever you want but I am typing RIGHT NOW, 3 - I really am. Wtf is going on in the movie?

B: A montage of them doing gigs. That's Pete Davidson! They haven't been signed yet tho so I guess that's where Pete comes in. There's probably gonna be even more sex scenes in this movie.

M: There's already been like four!

B: THICK ASS. I almost put my hands on the table and howled like a wolf.

M: You'll be glad later that I left so many things out. So now Pete is talking to them and there's some chick under the table giving random blow jobs but he doesn't want one.

B: And now more violence!

M: Mick Mars just straight up Deadpools us by talking directly to the camera and he is now my favorite member of Motley Crue, at least in this movie.

He’s hip, he’s cool, he’s 45

B: Nikki doesn’t like Kiss. I like Kiss. Munch doesn't even like Kiss! What DO you like?? What do you listen to that's so great!?? Kate Bush? Bruno Mars or some shit?

M: You need more alcohol. I just don't fuckin' like BUTTROCK.

B: GLAM METAL. Buttrock is deragatory.

M: It's meant to be. Vince is somehow fucking yet another girl. How does he have time in his day for this. Pete talks to the camera and tells us not to leave our girlfriend alone with Motley Crue because they'll fuck her.

B: Probably good advice. Just a bunch of dudes in leather and studs and makeup. Just dudes being guys.

M: It was a very straight thing to do in the 80's.

B: I don't think that's the original track. That's not Vince singing...ugh. (disclaimer: read to the end for the SHOCKING TRUTH!)

M: How you even noticed that...and now for some good old fashioned SATANIC PANIC! And the band comparing how many women they've fucked. Once again Mick proves to be the only human being in the group. Who I think is supposed to be Ozzy in a dress comes around with money sticking out of his ass. Ozzy snorts...ants.

B: And pisses on the concrete. Both seem entirely like something Ozzy would do. Then licks it up. Oh Tommy sounds like he liked that

M: WHY AM I BEING MADE TO WATCH THIS. Ozzy is licking up Nikki's piss now. An aside from Doc says what we're all thinking.

B: Is this the indecent exposure incident??

M: Which one????

B: The one where Tommy was running through a hotel naked and some people got mad about it. And they arrested Mick instead.

M: Doc says they did stupid shit because they were Motley Crue. And now the mud wrestling sequence. 

B: They're acting like Vince was the most horny dude. Maybe he was but like - these other guys are also horny. Vince is like - Sharice you're my girl, move in with me, I won't fuck as many women. I was about to ask how these dudes had the energy to fuck this much but then oh yeah! Cocaine!

They’re soooo together!

M: Tommy is introducing people to his family and new fiancee? He has a few of them. Tommy's mom is SAVAGE. Tommy is coming across like a 12 year old with too much freedom.

B: That is basically accurate. 3 middle school boys and their dad who drinks a lot. 

M: Tommy and his new fiancee are having some...difficulties. 

B: This is not the last time Tommy will hit a woman. He had a bit of a temper.

M: I feel like you don't really need to watch this. You already are like...a Motley Crue historian. 

B: Oh we're just gonna drive drunk and leave Vince's pregnant wife here, I sure hope nothing bad happens! 

M: Oh yeah I forgot Tommy and Heather Locklear were a thing. 

B: "I love you." Tommy Lee to every woman he meets. It's the drummer from Hanoi Rocks in the car with Vince I think. And now death. This really did happen and yes he was drunk and yes that man died. 

M: But it's fine because they're in Motley Crue. 

B: Whoops! Uh oh. Oopsie Daisy. That man is dead. And it's your fault, Vince.

All the girls want to know - who’s the cutest boy on death row?

M: VINCE GETS 30 DAYS FOR MURDERING A DUDE. Wtf. Nikki is very sad that Vince is in jail but it's okay because he's on heroin now and Biscuits is never ever gonna have a heroin addiction because he can't stand needles. 

B: I can't even inject my own testosterone! And that doesn't even have to go into my veins! Vince has returned from uh...killing a guy.

M: Is he sober now?

B: Supposedly. No nevermind he's immediately snorting cocaine. And vomiting.

M: Oh he's snorting smack, no wonder he's sick. Nikki keeps blaming Vince for fucking up the band when he's busy injecting heroin every other scene. And missing repeated calls from his sad mother. Tommy Lee is in love every five minutes in this movie. Vince now has a kid I guess but she doesn't seem to like him much?

B: Well.....Theatre of Pain, are they gonna show Theatre of Pain Tommy Lee because I might have to take a break.

M: That's between you and jesus. Tommy Lee gives a life on the road montage where he shows everyone getting wasted and performing and then getting wasted again. Drink, snort and fuck everything in sight. It's a wonder they lived this long tbh.

B: All four of them are still alive actually!

M: It's honestly a miracle. This is hard to like...narrate because it's so chaotic. It's just like - watching a band go bonkers and slowly self destruct. (disclaimer: read til the end for the SHOCKING TRUTH about why it was so hard to narrate!)

B: That's the beauty of it all! It's 4th of July, we're recording this, well not recording it, but you know. There’s fireworks outside and fireworks on the screen. Nikki has mommy issues! Oh poor little meow meow. Come sit on my lap poor little meow meow!

M: People are gonna take you seriously.

B: I was joking there. Like 70 percent. 80 percent. Oh my god, not in your neck Nikki, ew.

M: I guess Tommy is getting married. Nikki is wasted as fuck.

B: You've got more opportunities Tommy! You'll have several more happiest days of your life! Nikki can't even put his suit jacket on. This your man? This your boy? Somebody come get him. Nikki Sixx did a LOT of heroin.

M: 1000 dollars a day is a lot of heroin.

B: Is this the part where he died?

M: You're the Motley Crue historian.

B: I'm not sure if this is that time when he overdosed or if he's just normal shooting up heroin. Wtf did you give him, I gave him heroin!

M: I'm guessing that's an overdose.

Hey guys...Kyle’s dead!

B: Nikki went to the great beyond! But he came back!

M: This was apparently before naxolo...naxostuff.

B: I think that's just adrenaline. I was happy, but I kept doing heroin! That's how drugs work, kids. Oh my god, they didn't need to show the vein thing more than once.

M: Well it's a good message to kids watching this. Drugs are gross. They will turn you into a bleeding arm gross man-thing. Now they're sober and shit and they hate each other.

B: They can't stand to be around each other when they're not high. They all had massive prima donna egos.

M: Hardly a shock. But they're all good clean boys now. Trying to have family lives and shit. And hating each other. A lot more. Vince is going to be a huge dick about this. He wants to have FUN. I really enjoy's Mick's little asides. He's just kind of in the background with his fucking vodka like - these dudes are all idiots.

B: Vince's wife left him. And he left the band.

M: If Pearl Jam is here their career is almost over anyway.

B: And then the 90's happened! It was a bad time for Motley Crue. Big manly rocker boy egos clash! I don't like you guys anymore! We're gonna get a new singer! John uh....Corabi. But they don't have a blonde guy anymore so it's never gonna work.

M: You can't have a buttrock band without a blonde guy!

B: Oh yeah Vince's daughter died of cancer, I forgot about that.

M: WHAT. That's super fucked up. Nobody likes new Motley Crue without Vince. He was kinda one of those unique voices. JohnBoy out here like WHOO I'M IN A ROCK BAND! He's about to be so disappointed.

Someone's gonna get a punch in the head. Who d'ya thinks gonna get a punch in the head?

B: There's a whole crowd of people out here booing you!

M: Everything is going to Motley Hell. Vince's kid is dying, Mick isn't looking so hot, Tommy's Heather is leaving him, Nikki is just sulking.

B: Yeah we had a good ride, except for all the drugs and you know...death, and crime...and punishment...Vince's kid, yeah she died. Nikki visits his dad's grave.

M: And meets a half brother he didn't know he had?? What the fuck is this shit

B: Oh he means a FAMILY! He needs a family!

M: His own MOTLEY CREW. NIkki and Tommy make up and touch tips and go out to find Mick who is looking more and more like death warmed over every day. But to be fair, he's got a condition.

B: We're getting the band back together, even though they just broke up. Vince, we love you man. You're our blonde man, man. There may be a million other slutty blonde men out there but you're OUR slutty blonde guy. Sometimes a family is four dudes who do drugs.

M: They're gonna go perform again I guess? Long slow dramatic walk to the stage.

B: Maybe the real treasure...the REAL MOTLEY CRUE is the friends we made along the way! And some tasteful ass shots!

“ One day you’ll look back on this as the best time in your life.” “ I sure hope not!”

M: Priorities. I guess they played together for another 20 years for some fucking reason.

B: Until 2015 but...They're doing a stadium tour like...as we speak.

M: Why. I don't really have anything to add. Biscuits just hurt himself headbanging. Oh my god. I just realized I forgot to turn the speed down and we just watched that entire movie at 1.25 speed. No wonder Tommy Lee was talking so fast.

B: *chokes to death on laughter* I can't believe we did that.

M: That's so fucking funny.

B: It's so on brand. I THOUGHT the songs sounded weird!! Holy fuck, oh my god. I don't even have any closing thoughts now because that's so fucking funny. Closing thoughts: we are two of the dumbest people who've ever lived.

[arianadevareux]

Imagine...

Johnny drunkenly confessing his feelings for you while you’re both in college...

(For whyhaveyoubrought_mehere on AO3)

It was late and you were asleep in your dorm when you heard a knocking at your door.

“Y/N!” You could hear someone yelling from the other side. You moved quickly to see who it was. You opened the door to find a visibly intoxicated Johnny Lawrence leaning against the frame. He stumbled forward when you opened the door, and you reached out to keep him from falling.

“Jesus, Johnny, what are you doing here?”

“Come on, let me in. I’ll rock your world.” Johnny slurred. 

“Oh, I’m sure you would. Come take a seat.” 

You guided him to the small couch in your dorm, thanking the universe that your roommate wasn’t in. Johnny started giggling when you helped him sit.

“Wait, where are you going?” He practically whined. 

“I’m getting you something to drink.” 

“Whoo! Yeah, let’s keep this party goin’.”

The drink was water. He made a remark about how ‘weak’ the drink was, but drank the entire glass nonetheless. It took a little while, but you managed to coax him into laying down. You brought him a pillow and blanket, bidding him goodnight.

“Y/N, hang on...”

“Yes, Johnny?”

“I’ve gotta tell you something.”

“What is it?”

He was hesitant and sat groggily back up, gesturing for you to come closer. “I came here tonight... to your room... well, I just had to.” You urged him to continue, “Finally got the nerve to tell ya... I’m crazy about you.”

“Are you sure that’s not just the booze talking?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s making it come out, but it’ll be true whether I’m with or without... drink. I think I love you.”

Quite the confession. You’d have to reflect on that later, as your main concern right now was making sure Johnny didn’t vomit on your floor. He laid back down and you placed an anticipatory trash can nearby.

You did take pause before you returned to sleep though. Johnny Lawrence just drunkenly spilled his feelings for you. What a night.

[areus-in-a-little-cave]

Party rock! Yeah Woo! Let's go Party rock is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time And we gon' make you lose your mind (Woo!) Everybody just have a good time Party rock is in the house tonight (Oh!) Everybody just have a good time And we gon' make you lose your mind (Yeah!) We just wanna see you… Shake that In the club, party rock Looking for your girl? She on my jock (Huh) Non-stop when we in the spot Booty moving weight like she on the block (Woo!) Where the drank? I gots to know Tight jeans, tattoos, 'cause I'm rock and roll Half black, half white, domino Gainin' money, Oprah, dough Yo, I'm runnin' through these hoes like Drano I got that devilish flow rock n' roll, no halo, we party rock! Yeah, that's the crew that I'm reppin' On the rise to the top, no led in our zeppelin (Hey!) Party rock is in the house tonight (Woo!) Everybody just have a good time (Yeah) And we gon' make you lose your mind Everybody just have a good time (Let's go) Party rock is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time (I can feel it man) And we gon' make you lose your mind We just wanna see you… Shake that Everyday I'm shuffling Shuffling, shuffling Step up fast and be the first girl to make me throw this cash We gettin' money, don't be mad now stop, hating is bad One more shot for us (Another round) Please fill up my cup (Don't mess around) Bitches wanna see (You shake it now) Now you wanna be (You're naked now) Get up, get down, put your hands up to the sound Get up, get down, put your hands up to the sound Get up, get down, put your hands up to the sound (Woo!) Put your hands up to the sound Put your hands up to the sound (Let's go) Get up, get up, get up Get up, get up, get up Get up, get up, get up Put your hands up to the sound To the sound Put your hands up (Woo!) Put your hands up Put your hands up Put your hands up Party rock is in the house tonight (Put your hands up) Everybody just have a good time (Put your hands up) And we gon' make you lose your mind (Put your hands up) Everybody just have a good, good, good, time Ooh-oh-oh (Put your hands up) Ooh-ooh-oh-oh (I can feel it, baby) Ooh-oh-oh (Put your hands up) Ooh-oh-oh (Put your hands up) Shake that Everyday I'm shu-fflin' Put yo', Put yo' (Hands up) Put yo', Put yo' (Yeah) Put yo', Put yo' (Whoo!) Hands up Put yo', Put yo' (Hands up) Put your hands up Put your hands up Put your hands up

[trashbag-baby666]

Cherry Bomb-Hunter Sylvester X Fem OC

-Chapter Two.

Dahlia held Hunter's hand, swinging their intertwined hands as they walked in. Kevin leading the way into Clay's house. Dahlia was still sniffing from the crying session she had in the car.

The house was dimly lit with flashes of colorful lights, the noise of people talking and laughing, the sound of Clay's shitty band playing covers.

"I need a fucking drink," Dahlia pulled Hunter in the direction of the kitchen. Kevin followed close, none of them wanted to get split up since it was a party and they don't go to parties.

Dahlia grabbed one of the plastic red party cups out of the bag and walked over to the keg sitting on the table and poured herself a fair amount then filled the cup Kevin had grabbed. "Sure you don't want any?" Dahlia asked Hunter.

"Nah," Hunter shook his head. He saw the shit that alcohol and drugs did to his mom, hell she left him and his dad for them.

"Okay," Dahlia shrugged and chugged her first cup before pouring herself some more.

They walked out into the living room where Mollycoddle was playing. Dahlia sipped on her beer and leaned into Hunter's tight grip around her waist.

Kevin swayed around like a fucking idiot to the shitty cover of Shape Of You they were playing.

"This fucking blows," Dahlia rolled her eyes.

"Yeah this rules, awesome idea Kev." Hunter sarcastically said to Kevin.

"He said everybody's invited," Kevin looked over at the two.

"He probably meant everybody except for us," Dahlia sighed, taking another big drink from her beer.

"How do they do it?" Kevin looked at Mollycoddle and back at Hunter and Dahlia.

"What are you talking about? This is like three chords and they still can't get it right. They suck. Look at the drummer, he's high out of his mind." Hunter pointed over to Ray, he had a joint loosely hanging out of his mouth.

Kevin took another drink from his beer, "I mean, them, all of them. How did they just do this? Like it's the easiest thing ever." Kevin sighed looking around then finished off his beer, setting it on a random table by them.

"I think you've already had too much to drink, Kev," Dahlia smirked and nestled Kevin's hair, messing it up.

"Okay, listen to me. Things are gonna happen for us. Someday, all these people are gonna be like, Holy shit Kevin Schlieb, Hunter Sylvester, and Dahlia Nix! I went to high school with those guys. I could've even hung out with them, maybe. But it's gonna be too late 'cause we're gonna be too busy hanging out with the guy's from Iron Maiden." Hunter smiled, his hand resting on Kevins shoulder, his other one still snaked around on Dahlia's waist.

Dahlia finished her third beer standing in the same corner as Kevin downed his second.

"Can't keep up there?" Dahlia chuckled to herself feeling tipsy. She leaned into Hunter, her hands going all over him.

"Great," Hunter sighed as Dahlia kissed him on the cheek, her lips moist from the alcohol. Then they switched over to playing a more rock kind of beat song.

"Hunter, it's not that bad, actually, once you get used to it. Seriously." Kevin danced around and danced his way back to the kitchen.

"Come on love," Hunter secured his grip tighter around Dahlia and ushered the drunk girl towards the kitchen.

Kevin grabbed a shot glass full of clear liquid off the table and slammed it.

"Kevin, you should slow down, you've never drank before." Hunter sighed trying to wrestle a beer out of Kevin's hands he had already grabbed.

"Hunter I'm having fun," Kevin started drinking it.

"I need to get you home," Dahlia slurred and ran one of her hands up Hunter's shirt.

"Dahlia stop," Hunter sighed, tugging her hand out and then holding it with his free one.

"Hunter, seriously, our band is gonna be so awesome. I'm gonna practice like five hours a day. I'm gonna be better than Ringo Starr." Kevin put his hand on Hunter's shoulder.

Once Kevin had finished that one off he took another shot then slammed the little plastic cup on the ground, "Whoo! Heavy metal rules!" Kevin pumped his fists in the air!"

"I have to go pee," Kevin tapped Hunter on the shoulder.

"I'm driving both of you home when you're finished." Hunter barked at Kevin as he began to walk away.

"After. After pee-pee." Kevin waved his hand at Hunter.

"No Hunter I don't wanna go home my dads gonna be so pissed if I go home like this." Dahlia slurred hanging onto Hunter's jacket.

"I know I know Dahlia." Hunter sighed, ushering her back into the living room.

"What's happening, man?" Skip grabbed Hunter pulling him into a hallway. Dahlia fell to the ground tripping over Hunter but she got up fast and ran after him.

"Hey, he just called you a dipshit!" Skip pushed Hunter towards another one of his friends.

"No, no!" Hunter pleaded as the other boy grabbed him.

"What did you call me?" the other boy got in Hunter's face.

"I didn't say anything to anybody, I was just talking to my girlfriend. I swear." Hunter pleaded with Skip.

"Yes, you did." Skip smirked and his friends shoved Hunter back over to Skip.

"Really?" Hunter groaned into Skip's face as they came close.

"Really," Skip smirked and pushed Hunter back over.

"Hey ass hole!" Dahlia yelled and when Skip looked at her she punched him in the jaw sending him falling back a few steps.

"Look who decided to show up," Skip got back up and grabbed Hunter by his coat and slammed him into the wall, "You need your little pussy girlfriend to save your ass?"

"Don't talk about her like that," Hunter gritted through his teeth. Skip could say all he wanted about Hunter but as soon as he said anything about Dahlia or Kevin he'd be ready to do what he had to.

"Don't know why a pretty girl like you stays with this loser." Skip looked down at where Dahlia had fallen to the ground via Skip's friends.

Hunter stepped on Skip's foot and Skip threw Hunter into the other room into the wall. Hunter tripped as he hit the wall and fell into Clay's speakers snapping his keyboard in half.

"Hunter!" Dahlia's balance was off from the alcohol running through her veins. She jumped up and ran after Hunter.

"Hey honey are you okay?" Dahlia knelt down by Hunter.

"Yeah just help me up," Hunter groaned in pain. Dahlia grabbed Hunter's hand and tried to pull the larger boy up but she tumbled back into him.

There was nasty feedback as the speakers clashed with the amp noise. One of Clay's band mates pulled the cords out of the amps.

Skip and his friends laughed at Dahlia and Hunter.

"Dude what the fuck?" Clay looked over at Skip then Hunter and Dahlia.

"Are you good, bruh? You two hurt?" Clay walked over to Hunter and Dahlia, "Here let me help you guys up."

"No, no, let me help you!" Hunter jumped up, basically picking Dahlia up with him and wrapped an arm tight around her waist, "Take lessons you guys suck...bruh." Hunter spat at Clay, Kevin pushed through the crowd over to them. The crowd of students all shared a 'oooh'

"I'm sorry that you feel that way. Do you play?" Clay asked Hunter.

"Yeah, I have a band. Me and my friend over here. A real band." Hunter let go of Dahlia and grabbed Kevin, pulling him over, "A serious band. Not like you fucktards!" The crowd erupted in laughs and shared looks and comments.

Dahlia looked up at Hunter and ran her hand through her long pink hair.

"Got it. Um, I guess we'll be seeing you at the battle of the bands then." Clay nodded.

"There hasn't been a Battle of the Bands since Dave Migdall hung brain on stage." Hunter raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"There is this year. Go sign up with Dean Swanson but maybe don't say fucktard cause' she's a special olympics ambassador." Hunter smirked and Dahlia rolled her eyes. The crowd all laughed at Hunter and sighed.

"Come on," Hunter threw an arm around Dahlia's shoulder and pushed Kevin towards the door. Guiding his two drunk as shit friends out of the party.

"Alright guys let's keep this party going!" Clay yelled and everyone cheered.

"Give me your keys," Hunter held his free hand out at Kevin, "Come on Kev."

Kevin handed Hunter his keys and Hunter snatched them out of his hand.

Then Kevin vomited, he gagged then vomited on himself.

"Okay let's go," Hunter sighed in defeat and grabbed Kevin's arm again.

"Ew, I swear if you smell like puke the whole way home," Dahlia slurred.

"Just don't puke in the car, either of you." Hunter sighed as they walked to Kevin's car parked on the street.

Dahlia walked out of Hunter's bathroom drying her glasses on her shirt.

"Hunter is Doctor in bed already?" Dahlia asked as she stopped in the middle of the room making sure her glasses were clean.

"Yeah, he's right here." Hunter yawned, Dahlia looked over and Kevin was passed the fuck out on Hunters couch.

"Hunter is not going to be having a nice time tomorrow when he wakes up hungover. At least it'll be Saturday." Dahlia slighted and climbed into bed next to Hunter. Doctor cuddled into Dahlia as soon as she laid down.

"Hey little dude," she smiled and gave him a few scratches.

"Me and Kevin are going to fucking crush battle of the bands," Hunter smiled looking over at Dahlia.

"Yeah, I mean I definitely think if you guys practice more you have a chance." Dahlia smiled and gave Hunter a peck on the lips. Then rolled onto her stomach to sleep.

"I think we need a bass player. Lover, can you play bass." Hunter asked her running a hand down the braid she had.

"No, now I'm going to bed, I love you Hunter." she yawned.

"Night, love you Dahlia." Hunter sighed and covered Doctor up with a throw blanket and got himself situated in bed.

Tonight had been a fucking mess. Hopefully it would get better though, he just hated the way Skip thought he could talk to him and Dahlia and Kevin. He'd put that ass hole in his place at some point. But for now: Take down Clay's stupid band.

[veebeep]

Party rock! Yeah Woo! Let's go

Party rock is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time And we gon' make you lose your mind (Woo!) Everybody just have a good time

Party rock is in the house tonight (Oh!) Everybody just have a good time And we gon' make you lose your mind (Yeah!) We just wanna see you... Shake that

In the club, party rock Looking for your girl? She on my jock (Huh) Non-stop when we in the spot Booty moving weight like she on the block (Woo!) Where the drank? I gots to know Tight jeans, tattoos, 'cause I'm rock and roll Half black, half white, domino Gainin' money, Oprah, dough

Yo, I'm runnin' through these hoes like Drano I got that devilish flow rock n' roll, no halo, we party rock! Yeah, that's the crew that I'm reppin' On the rise to the top, no led in our zeppelin (Hey!)

Party rock is in the house tonight (Woo!) Everybody just have a good time (Yeah) And we gon' make you lose your mind Everybody just have a good time (Let's go)

Party rock is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time (I can feel it man) And we gon' make you lose your mind We just wanna see you... Shake that

Everyday I'm shuffling

Shuffling, shuffling

Step up fast and be the first girl to make me throw this cash We gettin' money, don't be mad now stop, hating is bad One more shot for us (Another round) Please fill up my cup (Don't mess around) Bitches wanna see (You shake it now) Now you wanna be (You're naked now)

Get up, get down, put your hands up to the sound Get up, get down, put your hands up to the sound Get up, get down, put your hands up to the sound (Woo!) Put your hands up to the sound Put your hands up to the sound (Let's go)

Get up, get up, get up Get up, get up, get up Get up, get up, get up Put your hands up to the sound To the sound Put your hands up (Woo!) Put your hands up Put your hands up Put your hands up

Party rock is in the house tonight (Put your hands up) Everybody just have a good time (Put your hands up) And we gon' make you lose your mind (Put your hands up) Everybody just have a good, good, good, time

Ooh-oh-oh (Put your hands up) Ooh-ooh-oh-oh (I can feel it, baby) Ooh-oh-oh (Put your hands up) Ooh-oh-oh (Put your hands up) Shake that Everyday I'm shu-fflin'

Put yo', Put yo' (Hands up) Put yo', Put yo' (Yeah) Put yo', Put yo' (Whoo!) Hands up Put yo', Put yo' (Hands up) Put your hands up Put your hands up Put your hands up

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh! Oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh! Oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance

Rah rah ah-ah-ah! Ro mah ro-mah-mah Gaga oh-la-la! Want your bad romance

Rah rah ah-ah-ah! Ro mah ro-mah-mah Gaga ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance

I want your ugly I want your disease I want your everything As long as it's free I want your love Love-love-love I want your love

I want your drama With the touch of your hand I want your leather studded kiss in the sand And I want your love Love-love-love I want your love Love-love-love I want your love

You know that I want you And you know that I need you I want it bad Your bad romance

I want your love And I want your revenge You and me could write a bad romance (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!) I want your love All your lovers revenge You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh! Oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance

Rah rah ah-ah-ah! Ro mah ro-mah-mah Gaga ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance

I want your horror I want your design 'Cause you're a criminal As long as your mine I want your love Love-love-love I want your love

I want your psycho Your vertigo shtick Want you in my rear window Baby you're sick I want your love Love-love-love I want your love Love-love-love I want your love

You know that I want you And you know that I need you I want it bad B-B-Bad bad romance

I want your love And I want your revenge You and me could write a bad romance (Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh!) I want your love All your lovers revenge You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh! Oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh! Oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance

Rah rah ah-ah-ah! Ro mah ro-mah-mah Gaga ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance

Rah rah ah-ah-ah! Ro mah ro-mah-mah Gaga oh-la-la! Want your bad romance

Walk, walk fashion baby Work it Move that bitch crazy Walk-walk fashion baby Work it Move that bitch crazy Walk-walk fashion baby Work it Move that bitch crazy Walk-walk passion baby Work it I'm a free bitch baby

I want your love And I want your revenge I want your love I don't wanna be friends

(J'veux ton amour Et je veux ta revanche J'veux ton amour) I don't wanna be friends

I want your love And I want your revenge You and me could write a bad romance (Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh!) I want your love All your lovers revenge You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh! Oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh! A bad romance Caught in a bad romance A bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh! Oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance

Rah rah ah-ah-ah! Ro mah ro-mah-mah Gaga ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance

[that-wimpy-cowboy-doll]

Dialogue prompt: Shieldshock (duh) and "You weren't supposed to see/hear that" (whichever version speaks to the muse more)

💕😘💕😘💕😘

Whoo baby this is late but I went with “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”  Hope you enjoy, bb.  Regrettably the overtly sexy stuff is only mentioned

Darcy did her best to stifle the flush burning its way up her neck, diverting her eyes from Steve Rogers marching his handsome heroic ass into the latest Stark Industries company party.

“He wasn’t even supposed to be here,” Darcy hissed, and brought her glass of champagne up to her lips, draining it.  “The last time I saw him, he said he wasn’t coming…”

But there he was, in all his tall glass of Captain glory.  Not unnoticed by many of Darcy’s coworkers, men and women alike, who weren’t even trying to hide the lust in their eyes as he made his way through the glass doors from the hallway into the event space. 

Not that Darcy could blame them. He looked damn good in a suit.  Looked damn good out of one, too, the last time she’d shoved his dress slacks down his thighs on her couch so she could take him in her mouth, make him lose control with his huge sexy hands in her hair and her name hoarse in his throat.

That was beside the point, though. The point of avoiding her famous fuck buddy in public was, well, 1) to protect his Super Duper Hero Complex by preventing her from being used against him by supervillains, 2) to keep the fuck buddy dynamic on a professional, non-work-involved basis, and 3) perhaps most importantly, to keep either of them from catching dreaded fuck buddy feelings. Any kind of public interaction lent toward making them feel obligated to each other, and that was something Darcy’d proclaimed absolutely not happening when they’d agreed to this.  No strings attached sex was fun, as long as they kept their passions strictly below the belt.

“I mean,” Jane started, as she always did, to remind her best friend of how stupid she thought the whole arrangement was, “it’s not like you’ll burst into flames if he says hello to you in front of other people.  That’s kind of...acting like a human being?  The last time I checked?”

If it was possible, Darcy blushed harder, not watching him be accosted by Tony near the bar.  “I don’t know, it’s possible I might spontaneously combust if he even fucking smiles at me in public...when we’re alone I can do whatever the fuck I want, but here…”

“You’re a whole-ass baby, you know that?” Jane deadpanned, hunting for the cherry at the bottom of her drink with the tip of her straw.  “Just be casual.  Like you are for the debriefing meetings.”

This was different, Darcy wanted to huff, knowing that she would sound like a whole-ass baby if she did.  Being casual with the person she rang for casual sex in their workplace, in the moment, was one thing.  They were still technically at work, sure, but this was a party - she was supposed to enjoy herself.

It was hard to enjoy herself in the same room as Steve Rogers without his lips on some part of her.

“I have...a problem,” she admitted slowly, her champagne glass far too empty for her liking.  Jane, meanwhile, wore an expression somewhere between unsurprised and unimpressed.  “I think I want to be exclusive.”

“Are you not already?”  The incredulity in her best friend’s voice was clear, but Jane propped a hand on her hip anyway to add to the effect.  “I haven’t heard about any of your Tinder escapades lately, and from what Thor’s told me, Steve doesn’t really have his eye on anyone else…”

“Just because we haven’t been fucking anyone else doesn’t mean he wants to be with me, too.”  He was closer now, shaking hands with some fundraiser coordinator Tony had invited; God, every bone in Steve’s body seemed more warm and genuine than the last.  “If I talk to him in public I’m going to want to kiss him in public, and that...crosses a line I don’t know that he’s cool with.”

“There’s this magnificent thing I’ve read about,” Jane said, her PhD voice in full effect, “called having a fucking conversation, Darcy.  I love you with my whole entire heart, don’t get me wrong, but I think if you just talked to him...you wouldn’t be on the fence with all this anxiety.”

That was easy for Jane to say.  The best sex of her life had wanted her pretty much the moment he’d laid eyes on her, had done his best to make up for his absences in the time they were able to spend together, and Jane’s heart, though preceded always by her big, sexy brain, lived on her sleeve.  She and Thor sorted things out without much fuss.

Darcy had known she was several leagues below Steve when they met, and had made an idiot out of herself walking directly into his giant rock-hard chest with an entire tray of coffee that splattered on his Very American uniform.  God only knew why he’d agreed to be her bang buddy a month or so later, but she had a distinct feeling it had more to do with what lay on top of her chest rather than the dumb dorky heart that beat under it.

He was making rounds, coming closer, so she changed the subject quickly, Jane performing her mightiest eye-roll while Darcy rattled off something inane about some singer who’d donated to the literacy foundation Tony and Pepper were heading.

“I heard Pepper wants to get Lady Gaga to perform at the ribbon-cutting,” Jane added helpfully, glancing into her emptied glass.  “Sounds pretty cool.”

“She was the one who got Weezer for tonight.”

Darcy’s heart stammered in her chest at the voice that had contributed that delightful tidbit of conversation, and the tall, muscular, suited body that accompanied it.  Steve’s smile glinted from under his perfectly trimmed beard, the velvet blue of his jacket and pants doing absolutely nothing for the growing whirlpool of want in Darcy’s stomach.  Christ almighty.

“Was she?” Jane prompted, looking, to her best friend’s dismay, like a cat with a mouthful of canary.  “Darcy loves Weezer, you know.”

Was this it?  Was she dead?  Had the gala all been some elaborate ruse planned by Stark Industries to murder her fucking dead on the spot in front of the hottest man she’d ever met?

If this was it, Darcy mused, at least she looked really fucking good.

“I didn’t know that,” Steve said, and now he was making eye contact with her, that knowing smile on his lips that could only be held by someone in his exact position.

“They were actually my first concert.”  She swallowed, her throat dry.  “Right after ‘Pork and Beans’ came out.  I was in college and I wore...way too much eyeliner, but in fairness I think I was in the majority there.”

Jesus Christ, stop fucking talking.

Jane smirked at the empty champagne flute in her hand.  “Here, I’m out, too, let me get you another one.”

Against her better judgment, Darcy surrendered the glass with only a furtive version of the eye-daggers she wanted to send her best friend.  Jane sent her a sly wink before tailing it toward the bar.

“Weezer.”  She swallowed again, doing her best not to notice the way his tongue dashed out across his lower lip, his eyes boring down into hers through those stupid long eyelashes.  “When do they come on?”

“You haven’t been seeing anyone else.”  It wasn’t a question, he was smiling a stupid cocky half-smile that she thought stupidly would look much better between her thighs.  “What was it Jane said…’no Tinder escapades’ - was that it?”

It felt like the blood had drained from her body.  “You...weren’t supposed to hear that.”

He stuck his huge hands in his pockets, gathering himself up to his fullest height.  Fuck, he was so big.  She couldn’t get enough of it.  “Well...you’re both right about something.  I’m not seeing anyone else either, and kissing in public could definitely cross a line.”

Great.  If the mortification wasn’t enough, now her heart felt like it had dropped into her stomach.  “Yeah?”

He stepped forward, his hand sliding to her favorite place, the small of her back with his pinkie just brushing into her ass.  When they were alone, this always felt like him laying his claim, showing her where she belonged, where he belonged.  But they weren’t alone.  Not even close.

“Yeah,” he murmured, dropping his lips to hers, slotting their mouths together.  Her eyes flew shut of their own accord, melting into him, the smell of his pine soap and fresh linens filling her nose.  Steve kissed like he fucked, like he did anything: full of passion, vigor, life.

For a moment, Darcy forgot they were in the middle of a gala, lost in his warm body pressing up against her, but when she brought her hands to his collar he pulled away slowly, releasing her bottom lip from between his teeth with a sly smile.

“Now that that’s out of the way,” he whispered, his nose still halfway touching hers, “you wanna dance to some Weezer with me, Darcy?”

She closed her eyes again, a tiny laugh escaping her in a short breath.  “Yeah, I’ll dance to some Weezer.”

[mk-empress]

Battle Against The Disco Devil

The Boss Fight

Mario, Olivia, and Professor Toad came back to the DJ toad, with forty other faceless toads. The trio had gone through many challenges and horrors, but they were finally close to taking down the yellow streamer. I laid on my couch feeling bored. I could hear the DJ talking in the dance room. I couldn’t hear what he was saying at first, but then he announced something.

“Yo, yo, yo! It’s DJ Toad bringing you the...uh, well not the LATEST hits, but... It’s music! Get out on the dance floor with those eyeless freaks and our special guest, Mario!” The DJ shouted.

Soon after I could hear that song again. I was already tapping my finger to the rhythm of the music. I told the DJ earlier that I wasn’t going to dance unless everyone did. I wondered if he obeyed. I got up and cracked the doors a little bit to see if everyone was there.

“Woah...” I whispered. Everyone was there! They were on the dance floor boogieing with Mario. I was drawn to it. “I dig it...” I whispered again a little louder this time. I was nodding my head to the beat. The music was good, the toads were dancing there, the disco ball was lighting up the room... wow. “Oh yeah... Oh yeah... Oh yeah...” I said to myself. The toads were bustin’ some sick moves. I couldn’t keep still, the music was so satisfyingly epic. It was bumpin’ in there- and I was missing out! I couldn’t resist. I swung open the doors and jumped down onto the dance floor.

“It’s groovy!” I shouted! I was in the middle of it. I started bustin’ out my own moves. I heard the toads shouting and running away, but I didn’t care. I was so engrossed by all of this. THIS is a REAL PARTY! 

“Hey! I know you’re in the groove and all, but you totally blew all the toads off of the stage! AND you punched out their eyes earlier! Did you do that just so they would dance with you? That’s monstrous!” Olivia accused me. I simply spun and faced them.

“Lady, I couldn’t stop grooving now if I wanted to. So I guess we’re gonna have to... FACE. OFF.” I told them. “I am PUMPED. I’m gonna own this dance floor ‘til the break of dawn. And, seeing as there’s no sun to rise in here, that means this groove is never gonna end! HEY! C’mon! I’ll start with some moves even amateurs can appreciate. Ooh, c’mon.” I said. 

My punchers appeared on my hands. Mario ran toward me. As he approached, I got down and swept him off his feet. I jumped up and thrust my fist down toward Mario’s face, but he rolled out of the way in time. I ended up creating a hole in the stone using the punchers on my hands. In the STONE! Impressed yet? Mario got back up and busted out his hammer. He charged at me and tried to slam it into my chest, but to his surprise, I caught it. I yanked the hammer from his grip and threw it to the side. While Mario wasn’t looking, I flipped back and kicked him in the chin, sending him upward. I jumped too and put my hands together, then I slammed them into Mario’s chest. I hopped back.

“WHOO! Had enough, Mario?!” I asked. 

Mario stood back up, looking rather sore. Mario dashed toward his hammer, picked it up, then charged at me again. I got down and tried to trip him again, but this time Mario jumped over me and smashed his hammer into my back. That hurt!

“You wanna dance? You wanna DANCE, bro?! Let me show you what you’re up against! Yup! One, two! Alriiight!” I jeered. “One, two, PUNCH!” I then slammed my fist across Mario’s face, removing one of his eyes. Mario fell back and screamed. I felt REALLY good! 

Mario clutched his face and stared at me with one eye. I smiled at his suffering. Then, he pulled a shiny-looking ice flower and transformed. He threw several ice balls at me, and the balls were fast! I raised my arms to defend. The ice balls felt like rocks hitting me. When I lowered my arms, I realized Mario was behind me, then he bashed my back with his hammer harder than last time! I felt a lot of pain. I could tell something was wrong, but I wasn’t about to give up over a BACK ACHE! When I whipped around to face Mario, and he had just finished consuming one of those red mushrooms, then his eye came back. I was getting REALLY annoyed with this lame plumber KILLING my vibe! I stomped on the floor hard, and a yellow aura flew from me.

“Is it time for me to bust out my super-secret special dance move? Let’s hear it! Make some noooise!” I yelled. Before I finished charging my special, Olivia transformed into the Earth Vellumental. I wasn’t sure what they were thinking, but I was confident that I was about to SLAUGHTER Mario! As soon as I rushed toward Mario, Olivia as the Earth Vellumental summoned a large, stone wall between us. I smashed my fists into the stone, breaking it into chunks, but by breaking the barrier down, I used up all my energy And it canceled the rest of my special. I started to sweat, and I was getting really exhausted.

“No way! You dodged my special move?! Get back over here so I can two-step on your face!” I screamed at them. Olivia changed back into herself and got behind Mario. Suddenly, he grew the 1000-fold arms, then he picked up his hammer. Mario grabbed one of the rocks from the stone wall off the ground and threw it at me. It was an easy dodge, but Mario used that as a distraction to get behind me. As soon realized where he was, Mario bashed open my back with a crushing blow to my spine. I was sent forward a bit. 

Suddenly, I realized I couldn’t move. I couldn’t feel my lower body. I was shaking uncontrollably. I could feel blood running down my back. I was in excruciating pain! I heard a bit of celebrating behind me. It grew louder. I looked up and saw Mario was handing out lots of mushrooms to the eyeless toads. The mushrooms regenerated them. The toads started heading upstairs toward to exit of the temple, each one stopping to thank Mario and Olivia, even the DJ toad gave them his gratitude. 

Mario and Olivia went up the stairs too, heading toward the streamer spool. I heard the sound of them destroying it. I saw the yellow streamer fall apart, then my disco ball fell down and shattered. I could see and feel the sun’s light shining on me, before it returned to the sky. I was still half paralyzed on the ground. I tried to get up, but I immediately collapsed again and screamed. I looked behind at my back and I saw only blood. Even turning my neck hurt tremendously. I looked up at the door, and saw Mario and Olivia staring down at me. In my mind, I was begging them not to leave. I didn’t want to rot alone in this abandoned temple. Mario turned around and walked away, but Olivia stayed a little longer. She gave me a sorry expression, before following Mario out of the temple. 

I was left alone, dying and paralyzed. I felt hopeless. I gripped the floor while clenching my jaws shut. The pain was something that I’ll never, ever forget. I was just waiting to die at that point. I cried. I remembered watching the red streamer and the blue streamer fade away. I then swore that I would kill Mario for them. I was so enraged that I went mad. Now, I realized the brutality of my actions. I began to feel bad. It didn’t matter. What I did was done, and it was far too late to redeem myself. My regret means nothing. What I did to those innocent toads was unforgivable, and I was paying the price. My body started to become numb. I was losing too much blood. I didn’t try to stay awake, I just closed my eyes and waited for death to take me. I couldn’t avenge my brother and sister. I couldn’t protect the streamer I was ordered to guard. I couldn’t kill Mario or Olivia. I couldn’t do anything. I failed everyone.

I’m sorry.

[petri808]

Pumpkin carving prompt chosen by @pinkeypeach for @thenaluarchive Falling for You event

“What’s this?” Lucy picks up the flier her college dormie and best friend Levy drops on her desk. ‘Local artist Natsu Dragneel is displaying his pumpkin carving creations today from 2pm to 4pm at the student center. Come check it out!’ After reading it she looks up. “So?”

“So, I’m bored. Let’s go see the display cause I heard it’s pretty amazing stuff.”

“I’m too old to care about carving pumpkins.”

“Pfft, first off we’re never too old for this stuff, and second it’s not boring carvings. I heard he does fancy designs. Please!” Levy shakes her friend in wide rocks back and forth as she whines. “I’m bo—red Lu!”

“Okay, okay!” Lucy grumbles, but I wanna grab a drink from the cafe on the way.”

The whole way over from the dormitories to the student center across campus, Lucy whined in her head and openly about being dragged out of her room over a bunch of pumpkins. Halloween was never a very big holiday for her since she grew up at a stuffy private school with an even more somber home life, and it wasn’t until leaving for college that her world began to open up. It’s not that she didn’t enjoy some aspects, like dressing up and going to parties was a lot of fun, but pumpkin carving she could leave to children.

“I swear Lev, this better be worth it or your totally buying me dinner or something.”

“Yeah, yeah, just think of it like abstract art or something. And besides you were complaining this morning about being bored too.”

“Going to a movie would have been entertaining. This, not so much.”

Or so Lucy thought.

As expected, the turn out wasn’t massive given the timing was during class hours for some students, while others probably felt the same as she did and didn’t bother taking a look. But when they got closer, Lucy had to admit it wasn’t exactly what she’d expected. There were twelve pumpkins in total and each had its own unique design, from cartoon characters to popular internet memes, classic supernatural creatures, to a Baby Yoda and Mandalorian. Okay that was a cute idea.

The large orange pumpkins were only carved on the surface of the outer rind and not all the way through. So, unlike traditional carving where you placed a light inside to make the design glow, these were purely decorative. Lucy couldn’t quite tell how it was accomplished because some of the details were quite delicately done. The two girls walked around independently through the display which was spaced on four banquet-sized tables.

After a few minutes, Lucy looked up to check where her friend had wandered to, and sees Levy talking to a male next to one of the tables. Intrigued by the cute guy more than the pumpkins, she walked over to them.

“Oh Lu! Come, come,” Levy waves her over closer. “This is the artist! Natsu, this is my best friend Lucy.”

‘That’s the artist?!’ “Hi,” Lucy nervously tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear while trying to act nonchalantly. “It’s nice to meet you. Your pumpkins are quite amazing.”

“Aww, thanks! And it’s nice to meet you too,” he grins.

His smile caused the heat in the room to increase for Lucy as she secretly looked the man up and down. He was close in age to them and really handsome! His dyed pink hair was her favorite color, his outfit very relaxed unlike the typical guys she went out with, and his hands looked strong yet... nimble fingers. ‘They must be to carve such delicate artwork,’ her brain surmised as her tongue unconsciously re-wet her drying lips.

“Natsu was just telling me his process for carving the pumpkins,” Levy breaks into Lucy’s daydreaming. “He uses a handheld Dremel tool along with a soldering iron to make the burned edges.”

“Yeah, it seals the rind so it lasts longer. If not, the pumpkin will deteriorate within a day. This technique buys me a couple extra days.”

“Wow, so you carved all of these is just a couple of days?” Lucy questioned. “That’s a lot of work.”

He shrugs, “I only do this once a year for the local school district. My real job is as a firefighter who does art on the side.”

“You hear that Lu,” Levy winks at her friend. “He’s a firefighter. Isn’t that ho-t?”

Lucy glares at her best friend, but the second Natsu looks in her direction, she instantly straightens out as if nothing was wrong. “Firefighter? That’s a pretty tough profession,” Lucy steers the conversation. “Sounds tiring.”

Natsu shrugs, “not really. Most of the time we’re loafing around the station, working out out, or vegging in front of the tv. So, for me I get a lot of down time to work on my hobby.”

“Hobby?”

“Oh, lemme show ya!” He moves closer and pulls up Instagram on his phone. “These are pictures of what I do,” Natsu shows her the phone, scrolling through the picture gallery. “See, I do a lot of burn art on wood. I do commission pieces too.”

The two girls huddle around. “Wow! Those are amazing!” Levy remarked. “I would buy one if had the money.”

“Yeah, those are really cool!” Lucy chimes in with a smile. “You’re very talented Natsu.”

“Thanks!” He smiles wide. “Hey, um, Lucy,” Natsu suddenly grows fidgety as he faces her with his eyes averted. “I know we just met and all, but after this is over, could I take you out for dinner or something?”

“Yes! Yes you may!” Levy shoves her friend forward. “She’s free!”

Lucy shrieks, her face turning as red as a tomato. “Omg Levy I can answer for myself!”

“S-Sorry,” Natsu runs his hand nervously through his hair. “I’m probably not your type...”

“N-No, it’s not that,” Lucy waves her hand, “it’s just you caught me off guard. I um— I’d love to go to dinner with you.”

“Really?! Whoo hoo!” Natsu pumps his fists in the air excitedly. He quickly looks at his watch. “40 more minutes, so, I could pick you up at your dorm then?”

“It’s a date.”

*Some bonus Natsu pumpkin carvings I came across during research

[mnemehoshiko]

STAR WARS INTO DARKNESS

A (Salt) Review of Star Wars Episode 9: The Rise of Skywalker.

Warning 1: All opinions are mine and no one (sadly) paid me for them.

Warning 2: I’m going to strive to be charitable as possible. Keyword, STRIVE.

It finally came. The conclusion to the Skywalker Saga, a nine film series starting with Shmi Skywalker and her lineage. 

When we left the The Last Jedi; Finn was tenderly checking up on Rose who endangered her life to save him. Steadily finding his place in the Resistance and deciding that it was a cause worth fighting for. Ben Solo, also known to the galaxy as Kylo Ren, has just killed his life long abuser but failed to relinquish himself from the ties of the past. Rey was dealing with detaching herself from the idea that she needed to Be Someone in Order to Do Something only to realise that she, a nobody, was good enough. As Leia Organa said, we have all we need.

Cool right?

Yeah, just forget that movie. Actually, just forget like any development that occurred over the last two movies. Furthermore, turn your brain off. No, really please remove any kind of higher cognitive function and any knowledge of Star Wars beyond “pew, pew, pew” and “wOOO”. That’s literally the only way to truly enjoy this film.

This movie is a quest. A long big-budget multi-step fetch quest. Fetch quests are a common part of RPGs and can be enjoyable! Add to the narrative! Interactive. A movie that is nothing but fetch quest after fetch quest to the point that honestly, the first two thirds of the movie could have been dropped because it was so distressingly nonsensical. 

Loose summary; 

Ben Solo is on a planet. Being very very lorge and murking people left and right. Why? Because reasons. That this planet happens to be Mustafar and that he’s killing Vader Cultists evidently is not considered relevant. Even though Ben Solo introduction in TFA, which JJ wrote (with the assistance of Kasdan and Arndt), is basically as Vader’s #1 fanboy. But who cares about narrative information when you have sweet sweet red lighting and like a flight scene.

Anyway, Ben heads to Exegol because evidently that’s where the fancy schmancy totally Not A Holocron is directing him towards. In which he approaches some goth-esque temple with vats of Snokes. Yes, You Heard Correctly, Vats of Snokes. And Palpatine. Who’s just hanging on a crane. Just chillin’ and gleefully tells Ben Solo that he’s been every voice in his head since birth. So learning your abuser is still alive is totally dope. But hey, PALPATINE IS BACK! REMEMBER PALPATINE? ISN’T THAT COOL, yells JJ Terrio desperately trying to like Hype You Up And Remind You Of The Star Wars of Their Childhood.

Finn and Poe “I Have Literally No Purpose To Any of This Narrative and JJ Terrio is About to Fuck Over My Backstory” Dameron are getting data from a contact. For some reason a glorified dick-shaped Alien is there. Consequently, this is the same alien that replaced Rose Tico on merchandise. A reasonable person with minimal brain function would assume it’s because he plays a critical role in the plot.  Remember what I said about thinking? Stop it. Klaud is there primarily for you to admire that JJ’s tentacle kink is Alive and Well and Thus Everything Is True (tm) Star Wars Again. 

Rey is floating surrounded by rocks because That’s What Cool Jedi Do. Then she does a training course because after two films we have absolutely no proof that she has any fight training, according to Reddit and like JJ Terrio is trying to get Reddit to go to the Star Wars Prom with them. So, we need a training montage and Rey going to robo-Leia and saying that she will “earn [Leia’s] brother’s saber”. Why would she want to earn a grumpy curmudgeon who fucked over his only nephew and hid from his twin sister for years? Well, JJ Terrio dreamed of earning Luke’s saber and like what is the purpose of writing other than Wish Fulfillment.

Palpatine is back! Why? We don’t know and we don’t even know what he said because evidently it was decided that it belonged in Fortnite...instead of the film. Why? Here’s a lollipop and a pew pew to stop thinking sweetie. Either way he’s on Exegol and Rey saw notes scribbled in the margins that you need a Sith Holocro-- I mean ~Sith Wayfinder~ --because JJ has never seen Star Wars since he saw it in the theaters in 1983-- to get there. Which is on Pasaana.

WHICH IS HAVING SPACE BURNING MAN RIGHT NOW! (which happens every forty two years. Which is how long ago Star Wars Episode 4 Premiered. Remember fans! Isn’t that a Cool Thing To Drop? says JJ Terrio deftly skimming Reddit in order to gain fanbros love and affection and nostalgia boners.) LOOK AT ALL THE ALIENS DOING THE SPACE MACARENA! Because WOO DON’T YOU LOVE PARTY SCENES?

The force bond shows up and you can some how transfer stuff between the bond? Which like in the hands of another writer would be fascinating and engaging. Sadly, this is a JJ Terrio production and nuanced storytelling and dialogue is Fake and Not Star Wars.

Either way, Ben knows that they’re there and they are running from stormtroopers RIGHT INTO LANDO CALRISSIAN,-- remember him? goes JJ Terrio. You remember Lando right?. I do, I go. I’ve seen the movies and you’ve given no reason why Finn and Rey would know who the fuck he is seeing how he’s evidently been living as a hermit In The Same Outfit for over a decade. (BUT REMEMBER HIM, whines J.J. Terrio. Yes, I do. I SAW THE FUCKING OT JJ).

Anyway, more exposition occurs because JJ Terrio has no understanding how visual language works and it detracts from Real Star Wars Things Like - Space Chases - Pew Pew - Witty quips! because Witty quips! Are Important for A Star Wars, says JJ Terrio.

Nevermind that stormtroopers could fly since the Clone Wars and there’s literally no reason as to why Finn would not know this but like that would require you to give him

- a character arc - character growth - dialogue beyond “WOOOOO” and “REYYYYYY” (also side notes; it was depressing as fuck seeing Finn’s growth in TLJ to going beyond being Rey-centric to only spend the entire movie yelling a White Lady’s Name. I GO TO THE THEATRE TO NOT SEE REALITY, JJ.)

JJ Terrio: BUT HE’S FORCE SENSITIVE?? me, who’s been on the Finn is Force Sensitive Train since TFA: AND YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WITH IT AND IMPLIED THAT IT WAS ONLY REASON HE WAS ABLE TO FIGHT THE STORMTROOPER PROGRAMMING??? (i.e. this is really fucking gross eugenics shit pls stop JJ Terrio and like just stop)

*deep breath*

ANYWAY, where was I? Oh yeah, Star Wars Into Darkness.

Either way, they find the Subtle Knife a Sith dagger? Along with force healing foreshadowing. But they have a dagger! Which They Can’t Read! But Threepio can! But He Can’t Say It Out Loud Because His Programming Forbids It.

And then the KoR, the galatic boy band, and Ben show up because of course. And they capture Chewie and put him on a transport.

Rey, of course, reaches out to Stop The Transport.

Ben, tries to stop her.

They to a back and forth that is similar to TLJ without any of the emotional build up of TLJ but that’s because JJ Terrio believes Emotions Are Not Star Wars.

And she lets loose LIGHTNING and makes the transport blow up and she believes Chewie is dead. Problem: Chewie isn’t dead. Which means she would be able to sense him in the Force. “But Mneme”, you say, “the Force isn’t like a GPS where you just Sense People.” That’s fair! Except....then...she does...when she’s on the Snow Planet. So like???

Either way, we have a Dagger that We Need to Read That Threepio Can’t Say Out Loud.

A Solution That Uses Braincells: well we know that the Millenium Falcon has three droid brains! So like we could just hook up Threepio to like the Falcon and transmit the codes and get some really great Easter eggs re: the Falcon and like the setup of the ship! 

....

JJ Terrio: OR WE COULD GO TO THIS SNOW PLANET me: wha-- JJ Terrio: SNOW PLANET WHERE POE DAMERON RAN SPICE me: did you just make....your Only Latino Character Into A---Drug Runner JJ Terrio: REMEMBER HAN SOLO?? HE’S JUST LIKE HIM!!! me: pls stawp pls, I’m begging you stawp JJ Terrio: ALSO LOOK AT HIM FLIRTING WITH A GIRL SO HE’S LIKE OBVIOUSLY STRAIGHT me: bi....people.....exist...like...that is...a thing JJ TERRIO: ALSO WE’LL SHOW U HER EYES TO SHOW THAT SHE’S HUMAN AND NOT A WEIRD ALIEN BECAUSE POE DAMERON IS A RED BLOODED AMERICAN LIKE REDDIT  me: pls....stop...why....

anyway, he needs a memory wipe in order for it. Which is a really touching scene....or would have been if it wasn’t immediately retconned because like R2 has backups. So like whoo.

So that’s like *two* instances of fakeout death because like Nothing Is Of Consequence Because Star Wars.

Except Leia dying because fuck moms, say JJ Terrio. Moms are Not Star Wars. The Reddit bros have now started to return their text messages.

More busy stuff happens. Hux dies. I wasn’t able to thoroughly enjoy it because by this point I had A Headache from all the Pew Pew and Wooooo~~.

Ben tells Rey that like ~her power is Palpatines power because like How Else Can Rey Be Powerful.” Does this make any sense? Not at all but like Don’t Think Too Hard.

He also finally takes off his stupid helmet that was glued together by ~Sith Alchemy~ that they bought from Space!Michaels.

Rey is vaguely disraught but like She Finally Has A Purpose and the Reddit Bros are Appeased.

More shit happens. Does it matter? Not really.

They meet Jannah! She’s cool and has the exact same backstory as Finn. Because in Star Wars There Are Only (2) Backstories for black characters.  They line up the dagger that is old as fuck with the death star wreckage. Which lines up exactly. Evidently erosion is Not A Thing. 

Finn and Jannah and basically go, Wow Isn’t It Rad That Because We Have The Force We [Finn, Jannah and her crew] Were Able To Reject Brainwashing and Bounce Because We Have The Force.

Rey runs off and Finn yells “REY!!” at some point but at least he knows his best angles while he does it.

Rey meets Dark!Rey who’s a vision....for five seconds. Because Remember if Girls Go Dark They Have Sinned In The Eyes of The Force. Ben shows up and crushes the Holocron because I refuse to call it that stupid-ass name-- dear fucking lord his hand is big--and WELP I GUESS I HAVE THE ONLY ONE.

They fight because We Need A Light Saber Fight Except This One is So Lackluster.

Then Leia reaches out to do something that will use up all her strength says Maz. How does Maz know this? Idk but she’s played by Lupita N’yongo so at least it sounds Deep And Wise because That’s Why You Cast Black People...to sound deep and wise. =_= **deeper breathe**

Anyway, she reaches out to her son! Her son hears her? I think? Either way it distracts him which lets Rey impale him. Except then she heals him?? And is like, I wanted to take your hand, Ben’s hand. which like I’d be fine with if like the movie had like worked for it. But like That Would Involve Actual Conversations Between Characters and We Are Going At 34243242432 pps (parsecs per second) and thus DO NOT HAVE TIme For That.

Ben then has a rehash of the scene from TFA because JJ Terrio is a fucking hack and is unable to create original material and this would have been meaningful if like Any of the Emotions Had Been Earn in The Fucking Film. But hey, I felt .75 of an emotion when Han Solo cradled his cheek so I will accept this. Then he yeets his saber into the ocean. Because. Yeet. Sadly, this movie is Not Over and My Suffering Will Not End

Poe and Finn head back to base with Jannah because I guess that’s what we’re doing? They find out that Leia is dead etc etc etc. The Resistance has a Circle Planning Session for the Final Battle that JJ Terrio lifted straight from ROTJ and the Reddit Bros brought them a corsage for Fanbro Prom. I am reminded that ROTJ was better than this garbage that I Paid Actual Money To Watch. Rey heads to Fish Nun island and decides to pull a Luke Skywalker move even we learned from the Last Movie (TLJ) why that was a Bad Idea but you know WE GET TO SEE LUKE AGAIN IS A GARBAGE WIG BECAUSE REDDIT BROS AMIRITE? We get the most hamfisted performance out of Mark Hamill and I’m just like damn The Last Jedi as a fucking gift and a _Jedi’s weapon is important_ platitude like his dad wasn’t yeeting his saber left and right. But Who Cares About Canon When We Have Pew Pew Pew Pew.

Luke tells her that Yes He And Leia Always Knew She Was A Palpatine which like means - Leia literally did not learn from the Last Time She Obscured Someone’s Parentage and the Fall Out - Actively lied to Rey - Luke actively lied to Rey - jfc this poor girl has been aggressively lied by most of the authority adults in her life??? - HER PARENTS SOLD HER TO PROTECT HER which is such a fucking damning think along with the fact that her parents are idiots and like didn’t think to take her to the new republic and like THERE ARE 23432432 things wrong with this set up but that is a Whole ‘Nother Rant

Also evidently? Leia ended her Jedi Journey (which abbreviated as JJ, coincidence? I THINK NOT.) because she saw her sons demised but evidently....couldn’t sense her son being groomed by Snoke, creation of Palpatine and like this entire movie makes Leia look like an ineffectual idiot?? Like I was really hoping that Leia was going to be able to escape the “Fuck Mom’s” curse of Star Wars BUT I GUESS THAT BECAUSE THAT’S NOT ~true star wars~

Anyway, evidently Leia gave him her saber which I guess she made but no one decided to show that but instead some freakish CGI (that they swore they wouldn’t do) fight scene because like Leia Obviously Isn’t A Real Force User Unless You Use A Lightsaber. The Reddit Bros Nod Sagely. So Rey decides to go to Exegol.....using the Luke’s X-Wing. The Reddit Bros are weeping tears of joy at this point.  The Resistance starts their FINAL ASSAULT! THEY HAVE SPACE HORSES RIDING ON A SHIP BECAUSE DOESN’T THAT LOOK COOL! FINN KIND OF USES THE FORCE. THEY DECIDE TO BLOW UP THE STAR DESTROYERS BECAUSE FUCK CHILD SOLDIERS AMIRITE (rip Finn’s Stormtrooper backstory that JJ constructed that He Couldn’t Even Be Arse To Complete or like Think Of Because Like That Would Be Nuanced Shit but like He Gets to - Jump Over Things! - Run! - Know His Angles - Yell desperately After A White Lady because ahahahahha fuck WOC when there’s white p*ssy on the line AMIRITE?)

Either way they’re in trouble and Poe is dismayed and is like yo i’m sorry we’re doomed. Because...that’s.....what generals do. Give The Fuck Up.  BUT DON’T WORRY LANDO IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY BECAUSE EVIDENTLY WHILE THE GALAXY IGNORED LEIA ORGANA’S PLEAS, THEY LISTENED TO LANDO

(Crack theory: He hit up all his exes.)

Rey flies to Exegol to confront Grandpalps. Who never wanted her dead but to become Empress after spending 2.5 movies wanting her dead via puppet!Snoke. Also kudos to JJ Terrio to making a Sith Temple be so fucking boring and lackluster. That Took Skill.\

ANYWAY SHE SEES HER FRIENDS IN TROUBLE MUCH LIKE IN TLJ and in ROTJ but JJ Terrio really really loves his nostalgia and ROTJ was very very very formative evidently. She’s about to Strike Him Down In Anger And Absorb Grandpapa’s essence in order to save her friends but WAIT WHO IS THIS IDIOT RUNNING IN WITH NO FUCKING PLAN Yes, it is Ben Solo channeling his father. As carrying the blaster that Lando gifted to him in Aftermath but like we can only suppose that because who Needs Convos When You Have Pew Pew Pew~ His former Knights show up (who have also never spoken because hahahahah dialogue? Sounds fake. Also moment of Silence of Rian who kept them alive and used Praetorian guards in TLJ instead because he assumed that JJ made them for a meaningful reason because he was Unaware That JJ Was A Fucking Hack)

Anyway, Rey senses him! They do a super cool force bond moment that actually Pays Off and Rey hands off her saber to Ben. Through the force. It’s dope.

#BenSoloChallenge happens.

[In spite of like No Speaking At All, Adam Driver successfully channels the aura of Han Solo in spite of JJ Terrio desperately Insisting That Poe Dameron is Obviously Han Look He Even Ran Spice!!! Look!!]

Eventually they both stand before Palpatine Ready To Throw Down except in stand Palps leeches the lifeforce from them and then yeets Ben into a pit and Rey collapses.

THEN ALL THE JEDI FROM THE MOVIES AND CLONE WARS INCLUDE AHSOKA WHICH MAKES NO SENSE GIVEN CLONE WARS BUT WHAT EVER DON’T YOU FEEL VALIDATED!!! FANS!!! SCREAMS JJ TERRIO

me: no.

Rey pulls a Wonder Woman move because all you need to do to redirect Force Lightning is cross your light sabers.  Anyway, that effort kills her (or like maybe not? Says Terrio in multiple interviews because men from Harvard Literally Never Shut Up.)

Ben somehow?? Climbs?? Out of the pit?? Under his own power because The Jedi Still Haven’t Forgiven the Skywalker Line for Anakin. Even though Anakin also reached out to Rey? I’m just assuming the soul of St. Maul of the Pit was yelling angry motivational speeches to get him out of the pit while St. Ventress adding sarcasm commentary comparing Ben and his namesake. 

EITHER WAY HE’S OUT OF THE PIT! And is like in agony because Rey is uh in limp ragdoll mode so probably dead? We’re gonna go with dead.

He limps over to her because uh evidently getting yeeted into a pit is Not Good For Ones Health or Limbs.

Ben cradles her in his arms and at that moment I had to Apologize For Everyone I Dragged for Size Kink because Adam Driver is Fucking Large and His Hand is Fucking Huge and I, Mneme, Was Wrong You Are Valid.

*cough* where was I? Ah yes, he’s cradling her in his arms realizing she’s dead and I guess? Channeling the force to heal her. Which it does.

He’s happy! She’s happy!

She says “Ben” breathlessly. 

AND THEN SHE SNOGS HIM LIKE THE AWKWARD VIRGINS THAT THEY ARE.

The Force realizes that a Male Skywalker is Getting A Boner and Goes Nope. And he just collapses and fades away at the same time that Leia fades away because ~symmetry~.  Was a war going on? Uh maybe but like LETS NOT WORRY ABOUT LOGISTICS BUT INSTEAD CUT TO EWOKS!! WE ALL LOVE EWOKS RIGHT!! Rey flies back to Ajan Kloss. Poe, Finn, and Rey hug because this movie is almost over and they can stop trying to sell a non-existent trio created because JJ didn’t have the balls to let Poe stay dead in TFA.

Commander D’Arcy kisses her wife in the background but no one really notices and it was cut in Singapore but like JJ Terrio are Woke AF Y’ALL but not too woke because else they’ll get dumped by Reddit Bros.

No, we are Sadly Not Done.

LETS GO TO A SAND PLANET. No, it’s not Jakku it’s Tatooine~ DON’T YOU GUYS REMEMBER TATOOINE!! go JJ Terrio.

You mean the planet where Anakin Skywalker was a slave, Luke Skywalker desperately wanted to leave, and Leia Organa was put into that humiliated outfit? Yes. I remember.

REY’S HERE TO BURY LUKE AND LEIA’S SABERS HERE!! At the Lars homestead that is somehow intact....in spite of Jawas. 

What wha-- why??, you may ask.

Well Luke never got to show Leia his home planet, goes JJ Terrio. Literally anyone who saw ROTJ.....they were on it in then?? JJ Terrio: i can’t see mariah carey dot gif

Rey also shows off her new lightsaber that was evidently crafted from her staff but we were not shown that  on screen because like It Was Considered To Emotional for this Film.

Then finally some old woman passes by and is like Who are you? Rey: Rey Old Nosy Lady: Rey who? *Rey stares at the Force Ghosts of Luke and Leia looking like her parents* Rey: Rey Skywalker JJ TERRIO: SEEEEE WE DID REY SKYWALKER!!! AREN’T WE COOL me: she took the name of a grumpy old man who rejected her and whom she bounced off with his shit because he was being a dick....OKAY JAN

(ffs they could have let her take the name Organa but like Fuck Women amirite? *DRINKS*)

and yeah that’s it. Kid that was brainwashed as a child was reduced to going WHOOOOO every 5 seconds with no thought regarding his fellow stormtroopers who are still brainwashed.

Kid that was abandoned under the guise of ~love~ and sold to an abusive guardian and struggled and starved for years returns to a planet of sand and yes I know that she is probably going else where but that was a choice they made to have the last shot of her Alone with a Droid staring at the twin suns because JJ Terrio have been doing nothing but spraying nostalgia in my face for just under 2 and a half hours.

Kid who was actively groomed since childhood and only just now released from said clutches but lol can’t atone because he dead now.

Kid who lost her sister to the machine of war is pushed aside because she dared to exist.

and Poe.

The End of the Skywalker Saga y’all.

Bonus: “Uh, Mneme what about Rose?” She got exactly a 76 seconds that she acted her heart out in but evidently seeing a non-submissive Asian woman in Star Wars was too much for people last film so that uh Essentially Cut Her Out. Don’t worry they made sure to give her a quarter of a page in the visual dictionary and the Merry the Hobbit two page spread. So like Don’t Worry The Asian Girl Will Not Hurt You. “Mneme, what as the point of Poe?” Fuck, if I fucking know.

“Uh Mneme, the Only Reason Finn Didn’t Have An Arc Is Because of KYLE RON!!!!” 

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

trust me, it really wasn’t.