#parties don’t end just because the day did!

[communistkenobi]

I was looking for a book recently on an online storefront and was recommended a book written by a physicist about the history of humanity. this was a popular press book that was not intended to be read by other academics, but it reminded me of this niche genre of books, with experts from the physical sciences writing about human behaviour or history or what have you. Could you imagine coming across the inverse? A popular press book that purported to explain physics written by a historian?

There is some deep imbalance in how public perceptions of ��general intelligence” seem to work - those in STEM are generally recognised for their competence, expertise, and intellectual acumen, and this recognition can be generalised, that at some level a demonstration of your expertise of eg astrophysics is a demonstration of your abilities of investigation writ large, that you have figured out some central underlying element of science that allows for basically limitless intellectual extension to any field or subject. A physicist can write a book about human history and be taken seriously by the general public on the assumption that physics is more difficult to understand than history, so any lower domain of investigation is open to them. The reverse is often not extended to a lot of the social sciences, particularly the theoretically-heavy social sciences; theory is just making bullshit up at the end of the day, it has no real practical application because any questions about the philosophy of thought or knowledge - how did we come to know what we know and under what conditions do we know these things - is just the indulgent wankery of people who can’t find a real job.

And of course it would be silly to insist that because you have read Hegel, an infamously difficult thinker, you know how to interpret the lab print-outs of electrochemists - I don’t want this goofy concept of general intelligence to be applied everywhere, I want it to go away entirely, but its current uneven applications across scientific fields indicates a broader problem with public conceptions of expertise and knowledge.

This probably has something to do with anti-communism on some level - social science is not generally regarded as “real science” (in no small part because social science is often the field of bureaucrats, and while animosity towards bureaucrats is deeply sympathetic, I suspect the reasons for this animosity are not themselves scientifically grounded), that while there is a public understanding of “objective facts” that exist prior and external to human interpretation, the politics of knowledge are hegemonically oriented around liberalism, to such an extent that any critique of the assumptions of knowledge are viewed as a dogmatic denial of reality done for the purposes of political infiltration and brainwashing. And I don’t feel totally unqualified to say this, given that this is basically the de facto response from students encountering Marxism for the first time in university. “Marx is too dogmatic” may as well be inscribed above the doors to lecture halls. Hell, Jordan Peterson made a nice little public career for himself railing against “post-modern neo-Marxism,” a phrase so nonsensical that the fact he was not immediately and permanently laughed out of the public arena for saying it is an indictment of how politically illiterate we are as a society!

And the infuriating thing is that a lot of social science scholarship (not just from the US but especially from the US) is complete horseshit, just pure evil garbage motivated solely by a desire to justify the fact that we do really need to keep killing tens of thousands of people a year to keep this whole party going. Every sociologist who calls themselves a “methodological individualist” is contributing to the long-standing tradition of eugenics scholarship but is too craven and vain to admit to this. If you had to describe the sum-total of the social scientific scholarly output of the west in a word, it would be ‘mysticism.’ Because it is the case that anti-colonial, anti-imperial, and anti-capitalist investigations of the political-economic conditions of the world have produced social scientific knowledge on par with the discovery of the atom, but it is not treated as such. “It is right to rebel” is not just a moral claim about violence but a scientific summary of human history.

But I think it is precisely this reactionary state of affairs that makes people devalue the social sciences as an actual site of legitimate investigation, that understanding the historical trajectory of ideas or the political conditions of life are valuable pursuits for any just society. Because social science deals with the social world, the political conditions under which the social world is investigated and understood are themselves bound up in questions of political and economic power. But this equally extends to the physical sciences - I know at least in environmental sciences, there is an ever-growing reckoning with climate change as an imminent threat to all life on earth, and environmental scientists cannot avoid talking about the political conditions of our planet even if all they want to do is study a river. Genocide is measurable in soil samples taken in the American continent. The separation of the environmental from the social is itself a historically contingent arrangement of knowledge.

But this is infuriating to even complain about because I don’t want to sound like an entitled academic or ego-bruised professional. I have no desire to start a faculty war with the STEM fields. I feel secure in my own expertise. I do not want anyone to “recognise my greatness” I am just profoundly lonely in this whole affair. and it just so happens that we exist in terribly anti-intellectual conditions for the most cruel and ugly reasons possible, and so we (me, I) have to suffer seeing books on sale claiming to give a general account of human history written by a physicist

[doromoni]

Not Over the Papaya | OP81

⊹ ｡•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Ships : Oscar Piastri x Popstar! Reader , Ex!Lando Norris x Popstar! Reader

Genre : Smau

A/N : I missed u all 🫶

Face claim : Jennie Kim

Warning : Just a reminder that this is all fiction!! nothing in this ever happened in real life, so don’t hate on the people referenced ok??

Summary : Y/N and Oscar cope with their own breakups by making the Heartbreak Club.

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

< Previous | Part 16 | Next >

*Incoming call from Zak Brown

Pick up or Decline

Pick up

- Oscar what do you think you’re doing?-

- I’m celebrating my success with my friends… because apparently my team planned to have one without me -

- You were informed by your team, Oscar. Don’t act as if everything is our fault.-

- Informed? your team emailed Mark, not me. Mark, my manager who’s also in Australia a day before the event are you fucking kidding?-

- Don’t talk to me like that kid I’m your boss.-

- Yeah. not for long-

- what did you just say to me!?-

- I said not for long -

- I gave you the chance to drive for my team. Be grateful brat! -

- Yeah, thanks for the British bias bullshit you run in your team -

- I-

Call ended

Notification : a voice message from Zak Brown*

-Get your ass back to England. NOW!-

Notification: a massage from Norris*

f1news

liked by user1 and user2

f1news Problem in the Papaya garage? Oscar Piastri was spotted in the MTC today! Rumors are spreading about internal issues inside Mclaren as insider tips are saying that Oscar Piastri will be facing disciplinary actions, while the reason wasn’t said — fans speculate that it was because of the party Oscar threw with other drivers and his girlfriend during his stay in Australia.

user1 Dude this is wild! I’m sat for the drama.

user2 Oscar making another issue for his team… Lando can’t relate

user3 dude @user2 are you for real? Lando is far from innocent.

user4 Bro I’m starting to hate Oscar lowkey. He’s talented for sure but he doesn’t know the first thing about team integrity

user5 First Alpine then Mclaren 🤦‍♀️

user6 Mclaren to drop Oscar please

user7 Lando gave him his 1st win and he acts like this

user8 Dude deserved!

user9 These fans are wild… if it were Max or Charles doing what Oscar did they’d support it or turn a blind eye.

user10 Well Max and Charles are both 1st drivers of their teams. Oscar is just 2nd to Lando

user11 Oscar is hardly a second driver and that’s with Mclaren’s bias towards Lando

user12 What bias?? They have the same car

user13 Fake fan spotted! Lando always gets the upgrades first.

user14 That’s because he’s the first driver!

user15 Lando >>> Oscar

mclaren

liked by user1 and user2

mclaren PATO O’ WARD will be driving in Brazil! Pato will be driving for the practice session in Sau Paulo Don’t miss him drive!

landonorris Good luck Mate!!

patoo’ward thank dude

user1 let me guess, he’s using Oscar’s car.

user2 are they using this to punish Oscar?

user3 let’s go Pato!!!

user4 McLaren what are you trying to do??

user5 this shit is not gonna end well

f1news

liked by user1 and user2

f1news Mclaren had Pato O’ward fill in for Oscar Piastri all throughout 3 practice sessions. Oscar is reportedly cleared for driving and is healthy as told by the FIA.

Even without putting in time and practicing Oscar will be driving for qualifying and the main race.

Everyone is now questioning what exactly is going on inside Mclaren and is what they’re doing ethical and safe not only for their driver but also for the whole grid.

user1 YO WHAT?!! THEY DID WHAT??!

user2 I get that Oscar is under disciplinary action but this is so not it!! bro FIA DO SMTH

user3 Not only is this unfair to Oscar but this is so fucking unsafe for everyone on that grid

user4 What is McLaren thinking?!!!

user5 Please tell me this is a joke.

user6 Oscar looks livid and I cant blame the dude, his own team is fucking him over.

f1news

liked by user1 and user2

f1news BREAKING 🚨: Lando Norris wins pole while teammate Oscar Piastri crashes out in Q1 and qualifies P17.

user1 i’m not even McLaren fan and even I know what they did to Oscar was disgusting

user2 Mclaren should be fined and face the consequences of their actions… they did that to their own driver

user3 Just what the fuck

user4 I’m speechless. They made Pato drive all practice and they made Oscar qualify without a single practice lap?!! who tf let Mclaren do that

user5 the FIA failed Oscar

user6 this is sickening, what has become of this sport.

user7 Oscar needs to get out of that team!! are they trying to kill him?!

user8 Oscar risked his life and crashed out … where tf is McLaren’s med team?!! not even a proper radio call to ask if Oscar was ok?!!

user9 this is so not right.

Y/N. 10 mins

*story replies are disabled

charles_leclerc 9 mins

*story replies are disabled

maxverstappen1 8mins

*story replies are disabled

danielricciardo

*story replies are disabled

logansargeant

*story replies are disabled

f1news

liked by user1 and user2

f1news Mark Webber found approaching the RedBull motorhome! Is this for old time’s sake or is his visit something more?

Series Taglist : @champagneproblems17 @itsjustfranzi @cheriwritesig @forza-charles @awritingtree @sltwins @gr1mes-cc @hwalllllllelujah @btsfluffsworld @tillyt04 @landotd @booksandflowrs @czennieszn @thatsouthernblondewiththeass @tellybearryyyy @wobblymug @alittlechaotics-blog @bingussthirdtoe @mirrorball-6 @demandealalune @heartsforleclerc @yoongi-holland @maneskin-slave @alenix @forensicheart @bloodyymaryyy @stereading @hahahjej @youre-on-your-ownkid : closed

Maintaglist : @myescapefromthislife @peterholland04 @charlottef1 @fangirl125reader @mel164 @gnarlycore @chloelovesln4 @vickykazuya @merchelsea @ln4author @qzmef @nxk1309 @styl1shl1v @lottalove4evelyn @gr3yhues : closed for now

special thanks to @sam123456789987654321 ; thanks for always checking up on me luv!

[mydarlingclaudia]

every word I meant to say

note : ermmmm hi. don't ask where I went for like almost a month work is eating me alive and I was sad. this was inspired by that the unsent project thing andddd idk if I really like this it's def ooc but I was thinking about it again today and this has been in my drafts since September so I figured why not

wc : 2.1k

tags : @luvrgreyy @clitorphosis @sonya-semyonova

desc : letters that went unsent. kind of unrequited love, angst (???), more Leon focused, re2r!Leon - DI!Leon, fem!reader, ooc, not proofread

"I meant to write sooner, I really did. I know it's been a year, my life is so different now, I don't think you'd even believe me if I tried to explain it. I hope you're doing better than I am, I'm happy you weren't able to move to the city with me."

Leon hasn't written a letter since, what, his first few years in the academy? Maybe the end of his senior year of high school? He can't really remember, but he knows that this letter is important because it's to you, his friend he hasn't seen since the night he left for Raccoon City. This isn't even an actual letter, he's scribbling out what he thinks might be good excuses as to why he hasn't talked to you in a year on the back of pieces of scrap paper he took from the office.

He's supposed to be asleep right now, same as everyone else in boot camp, but it's been a year since Raccoon City and he's wondering if you ever tried to reach him. Maybe you tried to go to Raccoon City to look for him, only to see the pile of rubble that stood in its place, sectioned off by the government. Maybe you thought he was dead, he wouldn't blame you.

You and Leon had stuck together all throughout high school, even managed to stay friends when he went off to the police academy and you moved a few hours away for college. He doesn't even know if your address is still the same, he really hopes it is, there's no phone-books in boot camp if he wanted to try and call you, you're supposed to have your loved ones numbers memorized.

The last time Leon saw you was the night before he was supposed to move to the city, before he got a letter in the mail the next morning telling him not to come in, he really wishes he had listened. You were so happy for him, starting out as a city cop was a big deal and he had worked so hard to get there, you and a few friends had thrown him a going-away-party, telling him not to forget you once he got to the city. Leon couldn't forget you if he tried.

You had talked about moving to the city with him for a short period of time, it was really just ramblings the two of you kept bringing up. "Oh, when we live in the city..." "I can come visit you at work..." "I'll handle dinner, you'll handle cleaning..." Nothing ever really came of those ideas, but it gave him a warm feeling in his stomach knowing you wanted to come to the city with him.

He hopes you’ve been well, that life has been kinder to you than it has to him. Leon hopes you got that job you were gushing about the last time he saw you, he hopes you still think of him on his birthday because he thinks of you often.

He shouldn’t have gone to Raccoon City, he should’ve stayed home the day he left and instead stopped by your house to bother you about going to see a movie. Or he should have taken you to lunch, anything would’ve been better than walking into a city that was beyond saving.

"I’m not really sure what I’m saying, but I know I miss you. How have you been? I hope I’m able to come and visit soon, everything’s been moving so fast, but I’ll figure something out. Maybe we can get dinner, or something. Whatever you want, I’ll pay for it, don’t worry."

Leon's hands shake a tiny bit when he thinks of you, it's that school boy nervousness that movies portray whenever there's a boy with a crush on a girl who he knows is probably too out of his league. You were friends, at least.

"You're done with school now, right?" He knows you are. "I wish I was there for the graduation ceremony, I know your parents are proud. Do you remember my graduation party? Someone spiked the punch and we both ended up passed out in the bathtub at your house, you looked really pretty that night. I hope your graduation was better than mine. This would probably have been better as a phone call, but I don't know, you said letters were always more thoughtful.

– Leon"

–

That letter never got sent. Every letter needs an envelope, Leon just never got around to finding one, but he kept that scrap piece of paper tucked inside his pillowcase on the odd chance that he got his hands on one. He had stricter rules to follow than the other recruits, being legally dead and all.

But even after he got out of boot camp, he kept the letter. It's hidden away in some drawer in his house, he's not sure where, though.

He didn't make it into the army, he's not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but being in the position he was in now wasn't much better. He's stronger now, hardened, more mature.

Leon's written a few more letters to you over the years, ones that still never got sent because he either deemed them unworthy or because he became unsure of himself halfway through writing it. But he hasn't thrown any of them away, he'll send them one day, he swears it.

Leon's not using you as a way of journaling, either, even though he should find some way to actually write down his thoughts to get them out of his head. What he writes to you is mostly memories, telling you that his life keeps changing and that he misses you. He knows you're different by now, too. You're both grown, no longer in high school, no longer in college or the academy. If he could turn back time, go anywhere other than Raccoon City, he would. He thinks that's selfish of him, him not being there would've left Claire and Sherry in that city, but how would he have even known?

"Me again, hope you're doing better than I am." Leon's way with words gets worse and worse by the week, not that he cares. "I met someone who kind of reminded me of you, she's a sweetheart, like you. You'd probably become fast friends if you were ever able to meet."

Leon's not allowed to tell you about his mission in Spain, or about the president's daughter. President Graham is putting more body-guards in place for his daughter once she steps foot in D.C. again, Leon's sure the president considered appointing Leon as one of them at some point since breaking the news that she was going to be coming back home safely.

Leon should stop thinking about you so much, it's not like you were his only friend in the world, you've probably forgotten him, anyway.

"My life is still different, but yours probably is, too. This probably sounds stupid, but I miss being in high school. You probably don't, your mom was up your ass all the time and you worked yourself to the bone. Has that changed at all?

I remember that one year I went to Thanksgiving at your house, your uncles were all drunk and your cousins kept trying to get me to come sit with them, your grandpa was trying to get me interested in football. I haven't had a holiday like that since then, your family was always really nice to me."

He's not sure what to say anymore, these letters always just end up dragging out, but Leon has a lot of memories and he hopes you think of them as often as he does.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited. It's harder for me to get time off of work these days, even though I could really fucking use it. I promise one day I'll come back, it's just not going to be for a little while. Just don't do anything dumb.

– Leon"

–

Those letters he's been writing you have piled up in the drawer of his nightstand.

He's definitely sure that your address has changed by now, you're probably not even in the same state anymore. He could always try to find you on Facebook, explain everything that's been building up over the years in a simple text, but there's still rules he's supposed to follow even in his personal life.

Leon didn't stop writing, though. The letters did eventually get shorter, he's not sure if you like the same things anymore or if you'd even be interested.

He writes now mostly about how different his life would be if he was with you, if he had just asked you out in high school or kissed you the night he was supposed to leave for Raccoon City. It almost feels real to him when he goes to sleep, but that might just be the alcohol numbing his brain, not the dream of you sleeping next to him or the feeling of your breath on the back of his neck, not even the little pitter-patter off tiny footsteps coming from down the hallway.

It does make him feel a bit pathetic, dreaming of a life with someone he hadn't talked to in years. Leon can't help but think of you, he always thought you were pretty, and the past always lives in the back of his mind, but it comes alive late at night.

You're an entirely different person by now, someone who he hasn't had the opportunity to meet yet. You're probably married, maybe you even have a few kids running around, Leon's jealous of that. That could've been him, but it's not. But he's not even sure if you'd recognize each other if you passed by on the street, so is it even worth it to dwell on all the maybe's?

"I'm not sure I'll get to visit you for a while, not without a lucky fucking twist of fate, anyway."

All these letters are starting to sound the same, but Leon clings onto the thought of someday sending them to whatever corner of the country you were hiding in and hoping that there's still room in your life for a stranger.

"Do you still want me over for dinner? You don't know what I'd give to just eat a shitty meal with you right now."

You don't know what he'd give to do anything with you, really. He knows that there's a lifetime worth of things he's missed out on and that maybe every once in a while you think about him in the same way he thinks about you.

"I don't know how to ask this, but are you married? I know you'd look stunning in a wedding dress." You probably are, you're a catch, who wouldn't want to put a ring on your finger? Your husband's probably a better man than he is, too. One who hasn't had years worth of trauma jammed into his brain with the proof of it marked across his body, your husband probably takes you out on a date every week, maybe even surprises you with breakfast in bed and kisses the nape of your neck to gross out your kids. "I really hope you're happy, in my head you are.

I wanted that to be us, I never told you, but I was a chicken-shit kid and didn't know how to say it. You show up in my dreams sometimes, you deserve nothing but the best. I meant to get back in touch with you forever ago, but I think it's probably too late.

– Leon"

–

Two years after his last letter and Leon's still thinking of you, seventeen years after Raccoon City and the image of you sitting across from him for the last time still loops in his mind. He doesn't really remember your voice but he knows that you thought handwritten letters were romantic, and he still reads over the ones he meant to send to you but kept avoiding.

He's done with the letters, hasn't written one in a long time. But he just got back from California and your old favorite song is playing on the radio, and he's remembering how in love he is with your memory.

"I don't know what I'm doing. I'm too old for this and I'm sure you'd tease me if we had somehow kept in touch. I don't blame you if you thought I died in Raccoon City, I hope you're still alive and that life is good to you.

You were always important to me, I think you've given me something to cling to over the years. This letter won't find you and I'm not even really sure if I want it to, but I hope you'd still call me if you were able to. You wouldn't believe the things I've seen, but I'm happy you never got to see them.

Love, Leon

p.s. I'd say I love you but it feels like something you'd say in person"

[sunfairiess]

𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝, 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 | 𝐣𝐣 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

tropes: 3rd person narration | soft boy jj | best friends to lovers | comfort | fluff

synopsis: reader’s battling against anxiety and during one of her anxiety attacks, jj’s there to help her.

warnings: heavy depiction of anxiety, anxiety attack.

wc: 2.1k

writing this as someone who suffers from anxiety and deals with it on her own, was really emotional; if you find yourself in this position too, please don’t be afraid to ask for help. mental health matters <3

song rec: breathin - ariana grande ♡

everyone fights their own monsters, some are physically visible, others are perceived. some people have to fight against their families, some against their friends. but one of the biggest and worst challenges, was to fight against your own head.

everyone is tormented by their own monsters. hers is called anxiety, the beast who had ruined her life.

at school, her grades started to drop because she was just so tired all the time she couldn’t even bring herself to open the textbook; half of the foods she used to love were cut out of her daily routine because she would get constant heartburn and stomach problems to the point where she wasn’t able to consume a full meal for days.

when it came to sleeping, she couldn’t fall asleep because her mind was always racing with awful thoughts. what if i don’t wake up tomorrow? do my friends hate me because i didn’t go out with them today? is my heart supposed to beat so fast? my back is hurting, is this a health condition? am i going to be alone forever? usually she would go on for hours, reaching three or four in the morning, until she either cried herself to sleep or she almost passed out because of how tired she was.

going out of the house became hard. she became afraid of taking public transportation because what if someone tried to rob her or kidnap her. she couldn’t take long walks anymore because what if something happens and i’m alone. she even had to stop going to parties because she couldn’t stand big and loud crowds of people anymore.

her mental pain became physical: constantly having back problems, her chest and throat always felt too tight to breathe, her body tingling out of nowhere all the time.

it would’ve been a lie to say all of this didn’t reflected onto her relationship with others; she never told anyone about her own problems, not that they could help anyway. so when she started to hang out less with her friends, she always had to lie. i’m grounded, i can’t go out. sorry, i have too much homework to do. i have the flu, i can’t come. my dad needs my help, i’ll come next time. eventually though, she would run out of excuses, and that’s how she ended up for the first time in a month at the château, surrounded by her best friends.

“girl, we haven’t see you in forever, i almost forgot your face.” kiara joked, nudging her a bit with her elbow.

“i know, i’m so sorry guys. past month has been crazy.” which wasn’t a lie per se, she had spent the last weeks having constant anxiety and panic attacks. in the morning, in the afternoon, at night. and every single time she felt like she was about to die, the impending fear of doom creeping inside her. it really started to become unbearable, to the point where she didn’t even notice how many days would go by.

“well you’re here now, that’s what matters.” pope chimed in, giving her a smile. somehow that made her feel a little bit more lighter, knowing that her friends didn’t actually hated her. anxiety made her overthink every little detail of her life.

even though she tried to appear relaxed the whole night, she still felt like she was being chocked by an imaginary hand, pressing harder every time she breathed. she was grateful that none of her friends noticed the stiffness in her body, it would’ve been to hard to explain everything.

at least she thought no one noticed. jj noticed, he always did. he would observe every little detail about her. and from the moment she stepped into the château he hadn’t been able to keep his gaze off of her, not even for a second. he missed her. he hadn’t seen her in weeks and he had become restless. day and night he would think about her, what she was doing, if she missed him, if she too dreamed about him like he did about her. that’s how it felt being in love with your best friend.

jj knew something was up with her. she was always full of joy and energy, but bow it seemed like she had lost her spark. he knew there was something wrong, especially when he saw her fidgeting with her rings, gazing anxiously around her. he knew something was wrong when she got up, excusing herself from the conversation, and almost running to the bathroom.

following her wasn’t probably too good of an idea, but jj was impulsive, so he did it anyway. amen to that, he would’ve dealt with the consequences later, like his confused friends asking him what the heck was going on.

as he entered the bathroom, she was sat on the toilet. her face so pale you would think she was about to pass out.

he sees her as she stares into the wall, her eyes fixed in front of her, full of fear. he notices as she bring her right hand to her throat, sliding slowly down her chest and pressing hard. he hears her breathing going faster and heavier, like she couldn’t catch a full breath. her hands shaking as she tries to ground herself and not slip into the arms of her anxiety.

jj had no idea of what an anxiety attack looked like, he had been fortunate enough to never had one, but he always thought they had to feel awful for whoever got them. but seeing her, his sweet little sunshine, shaking all over the place and being surrounded by a cloud of darkness around her, made his heart break into a thousand millions pieces. he wanted to help her, but he didn’t know how to do it in the right way. he just wanted to do something, and so he did.

“sunshine, hey. baby, look at me. c’mon lemme see your pretty eyes.” he kneeled in front of her, placing both of his hands on her knees and gently rubbing his thumbs against them.

everything was spinning around her, thoughts racing with all the emotions she bottled up and all the fears she always had. she couldn’t stop them, it felt like she was going to be swallowed up by a black vortex. but then she heard his voice, it was like hearing an angel talking. her gaze slowly shifted from the white wall to his eyes, his gorgeous blue eyes, usually shining like stars when they looked at her, but now they were the depiction of concern. she felt a sharp feeling of guiltiness running through her your veins, because the last thing she wanted was to make him sad.

“that’s it, baby. you are so pretty, my pretty girl.” he gave her a soft smile, slowly moving his hands from her knees to her thighs. he wanted to pull her close and hug her, but one time— and thank god for him and the one time jj actually listened to what he said— pope told him that when people had anxiety or panic attacks, most of the time they didn’t wanted to be touched. so, instead of being the usual impulsive jj he was with everyone, he took baby steps with her, not wanting to scare her or make her even more anxious.

her breath was slowly calming down, but the aching in your chest and the lump in her throat were still there, still feeling like she was going to suffocate any moment now, but jj pulled her out of her thoughts again.

“alright pretty girl, i need you to do something for me, ‘kay? i need you to take deep breaths with me, i know it’s hard but i’m here. you’re safe, i won’t let anything happen to you. breathe with me, baby.” his voice was so sweet and gentle, she actually thought she was going to cry because of how soft he was speaking to her and how he was trying to handle the situation. she nodded slightly, following his example as he took one deep breath and then exhaled. one deep breath and exhaled. inhale and exhale. and they went on, and on, until the tension she felt before started to leave her body, making her shoulders and back relax and her hands stop shaking.

jj didn’t say anything this time, he just looked as she regained consciousness of her surroundings. even though the attack was gone, it usually took hours before she could actually calm down completely. it was hard and she always handled them alone, but this time having him with her felt like a blessing from heaven.

feeling like she had just been pulled out of a dark hole, she launched herself into his arms, wrapping hers around his neck. he let out a sigh as soon as he felt her flesh touch his own, his arms reaching for her hips and his face buried deep into the crook of her neck. they stayed like this for a almost twenty minutes. he only pulled her in tighter, not wanting to let go of her because he knew as long as she was into his arms, she was safe.

30 minutes later they were laying next to each other in the hammock, her head resting on his chest, the sound of his heart beating calming her, like a lullaby. his hands were both placed on her back, rubbing small circles against the thin fabric of her shirt.

jj really didn’t want to break the peacefulness that surrounded them, but he had to ask her why she never told him anything. he felt like he was failing at being her best friend. “why did you never tell me?” his voice was low, sounding almost like a whisper.

“i- i don’t know. i didn’t want to bother anyone, didn’t want to be a burden.” jj stopped moving his hands on her back, instantly lifting his head to look at her.

“okay, know that i’m not mad, but, firstly, i’m not anyone. i’m your best friend, you would never be a burden to me.” his hands moved to her cheeks, lifting her face. “i’ve been through hell and back these past weeks. not seeing you, not talking to you for more than 5 minutes on the phone, not touching you. it nearly killed me, y/n. i was always on the edge of a breakdown, constantly snapping at everyone because i didn’t know how you were doing. were you safe? were you alright? not knowing made me go insane.”

he stopped for a moment to catch his breath. he was pouring his heart out, which he never do, but he just felt like he had to do it now. “and i’m not saying this to make you feel guilty, that’s the last thing i want. i just wish for you to know how much you mean to me. you’re the most important person in my life, you’re my best friend, my ride or die, my partner in crime. you- you’re my first love, and hopefully you’ll be my last one too.”

her eyes went wide at his words, and honestly she thought she heard him wrong. “jj, what- what are you saying?”

“i know the night wasn’t perfect, but please just lemme say this now because i don’t know when i’ll get the same courage again. i love you, y/n. i love everything about you. i love that weird sound you make when you laugh too much, i love how your eyes shine when you’re talking about things you like, i love how after surfing your hair become all curly. hell, i love even the things you do that should piss me off, like when you throw away my joint because i’ve been smoking too much or when you scream at me because i got in a fight with some kooks again. i love you so much it physically hurts.”

her eyes were watery now, tears threatening to coming out in flows. she didn’t know what to say. because seriously, what do you say to someone who sees you as the most incredible human being, when you can’t even love a quarter of yourself?

you say nothing. but you can do something.

that’s why, in the quietness of the night, under the stars and while she was feeling at peace for the first time in weeks, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips against it.

she wasn’t magically healed, she still had things to deal with. but now, she wasn’t on her own anymore.

[darkmatilda]

Heyhey, so I got this idea stuck in my head today, since I got such a bad hangover. I know tmi, but I was best friends with my toilet. The only thing helping me get through this mess was imagining Spencer infodumping facts and taking care of me…like holding my hair, making tea and cuddles.

So that’s basically my request. Basically reader drank too much on girls night and it’s the next day filled with regret and misery.

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬' 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐝 | 𝐬.𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: the fun at your friend's bachelorette party ends by the toilet with a headache, but when you have such a wonderful boyfriend, even the worst hangover doesn't scare you.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬/𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐰: spencer reid x femreader, established relationship, fluff, hungover, alcohol consumption, spancer takes care of you. 𝐚/𝐧: this is one of the requests i got from you lately, it's really different from my other fics (i don't really write so fluffy and comfy things...) but i just hope you'll like it and that you feel better now :>

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 1.4

“So? Did you have fun with the girls?”

You answered the question, laced with irony, with a faint groan, resting your cheek on the cold toilet seat. You didn’t even have the strength to turn toward your boyfriend, Spencer, who was likely leaning against the bathroom doorway with a look that screamed a classic I told you so.

Because he had told you. Before you left, after he’d finished marveling at how stunning you looked in the dress you’d chosen for the evening, he’d turned serious for a moment. He’d reminded you to be careful, stick close to the girls, watch your drink, and not overdo it with the alcohol. You’d joked that he sounded like your parent, but deep down, you knew it came from how much he cared about you. You never wanted to make him worry. That’s why you approached alcohol that evening with extreme caution, sipping one drink slowly over the course of half the night.

That was until Penelope raised her glass with a jubilant cheer—To our wonderful bride-to-be!—while pulling JJ into a tight embrace.

Prentiss joined the toast, and then you did too. Together, you made your way to the dance floor, and the rest of the night became a blur of shifting club lights, the thrum of music vibrating through every cell of your body, and laughter—so much laughter, endless laughter.

And now, thanks to that laughter—and your wildly misplaced confidence in your alcohol tolerance—you were spending the morning getting intimately acquainted with the toilet, swearing to never touch tequila again, and occasionally cursing Penelope’s enthusiasm.

“I had an absolutely splendid time,” you scoffed, and with that gesture, a sharp pain spread through your head. You sighed again, squeezing your eyes shut tightly. “Doesn’t it show?”

Then, another wave of nausea hit, forcing you to bury your head in the toilet.

The sound of vomiting drowned out the noise of him approaching, and you were startled to feel him crouching beside you, pulling your hair away from your neck and face, protecting it from getting dirty.

“Oh, sweetheart, the next few hours are going to be brutal for you,” he remarked, shaking his head and continuing to toy with your hair, gathering it into a makeshift ponytail with his hands instead of a hair tie.

“I’ve got one,” you mumbled weakly, raising your wrist to show the hair tie wrapped around it.

“No need, I’ve got it,” he replied.

“You don’t have to, it’s disgusting,” you said, suddenly embarrassed that he’d found you in such a state.

“Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto,” he quoted, placing one hand gently on your back and stroking it soothingly. You focused on that fluid motion, closing your eyes again and hoping this was the last wave of nausea. “Besides, have you already forgotten I’m a criminal profiler? I see things a hundred thousand times worse than this over breakfast.”

You couldn’t help yourself and let out a short laugh.

“I think that’s it,” you said, gathering your strength to push yourself up onto your knees and finally move away from the toilet. “I hope that’s it.”

“Take it slow,” he advised, quickly standing up first to help you get up. “Alright? Do you feel at least one-tenth of a single percent better?”

“No, baby. I asked my stomach, and it said we actually feel about two-tenths of…something better.”

“Your sarcasm is back, so I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Guess what else came back?” you asked, causing him to nod questioningly. “I don’t know either. I’m too exhausted to even come up with a sensible joke. I just want to lie down and sleep… Oh, or take a bath… Or lie down in the bath…”

“You know, that’s dangerous? Bathtub drownings are more common than you might think. From ten to fifteen percent of all drownings in the United States.”

“I’m ready to take that risk.”

“Well, in that case, someone will have to keep an eye on you.”

As soon as you found yourself almost completely submerged in the water, you sighed in relief. Every muscle in your body ached from the fun at the bachelorette party, especially your calves, exhausted from walking all night in heels. The warmth was soothing. Spencer, though he offered to stay with you, had disappeared for a moment outside the bathroom. With every flutter of your eyelids, you felt a sensation like a rollercoaster ride, spinning at a dizzying speed around its own axis. Each such ride resulted in a wave of nausea, so you refrained from falling asleep and waited for your boyfriend to return.

After a minute or two, he appeared in the doorway with a glass of water.

“You need to drink this,” he said, handing you the cold glass. “Alcohol causes dehydration, which is the main cause of your headache and fatigue. Plus, it flushes out all the toxins. It’s the best thing you can do for a hangover.”

He placed a tiny stool, which was in your bathroom, next to the bathtub and sat down on it. With a foamy hand, you took the glass from him.

“You know what else is good for a hangover?” you asked. “Cold beer.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Well, it was worth a try.” 

For a moment, you both sat in silence, his hand absentmindedly grazing the water, and his chin resting on the edge of the bathtub.

“And now, seriously, how was the bachelorette party? Did you have fun? Did JJ like it?”

“She was surprised we even planned something for her. Though Penelope almost spilled the beans at least twenty times. I had an amazing time, especially when one guy tried to hit on me by saying he worked for the FBI.”

Spencer’s eyebrows shot up in amusement.

“Did he work there?”

“Oh, come on. Anyone who brags about working for the FBI at a club probably doesn’t. “And I already have one handsome agent at home, why would I need another?” you asked, causing him to smile. At the sight, you couldn’t help yourself and wrapped your foam-covered arm around his neck, soaking half of his sweater, just to plant a strong kiss on his cheek. “Not just handsome, but the sweetest and most caring one in the world. What would I do without you?”

He didn’t seem to mind the wet clothes at all, tilting his head to the side and narrowing his eyes with contentment at your words.

“Probably drowned in the bathtub.”

“And also the king of comedy. Okay, the water is already cold, and my fingers are all wrinkled. Could you pass me a towel?” you asked. “And since you’re being so kind, maybe also, I don’t know, lie down with me in bed? Cuddling is good for a hangover too. I read an article about it recently.”

“Really?” he pretended to be surprised, theatrically scratching his chin. He sighed. “Well, if the article says so, I guess we have to do it.”

Okay, maybe your head didn’t stop hurting instantly and the hangover didn’t vanish with a flick of a magic wand, but you felt incomparably better once you were in his arms, resting your head on his warm chest.

“I don’t feel sleepy. Would you like to tell me something?” you asked, lifting your gaze slightly to look at his face.

He seemed almost surprised by the request, but quickly recovered and nodded eagerly.

“Of course. If that’s what you need. What would you like to hear about?”

You shrugged, adjusting your position.

“It could be anything. I just love the sound of your voice.”

You could feel his chest rise in a sigh.

“Alright,” he agreed, his whisper pleasantly tickling the top of your head. “How about...”

You weren’t lying when you said you loved his voice. Though sometimes you apologized for him talking too much, you always encouraged him to do so. You listened to every story, every tidbit, with the same pleasure. Especially when he lowered his tone in such a tender way that it seemed to wrap the air around you both.

And even though you hadn’t felt sleepy from the start, you didn’t even catch the moment when Morpheus invited you to meet him.

taglist: @she-wont-miss @nightfullofparadox @mggslover @kakamixoxo @nyeddleblog @dylanobrienswife0420

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[starkeygirls]

i n v i s i b l e s t r i n g

chapter 2

rafe cameron x pogue!reader

summary: still working on writing this well - we'll get there when we get there.

wc: 4.1k

warning: none!

a/n: well, i wrote this whole chapter to hate it, start over and then still not be 100% happy with this one. hope this is at least okay! thank you all so much for taking time to read my silly little re-write! as always, please show your appreciation with reblog/comments/etc (reminder that it's really helpful to those who write ◡̈ )

______________________________________________________________

Thoughts swirled in your head as you laid in your bed, seemingly sending flirty texts to none other than Rafe Cameron. The same Rafe Cameron that spilled beer on you without apologizing. Rafe Cameron, who seemed to fight your friends at every opportunity he could - with or without a reason. The Rafe Cameron who ended up being the reason your commission was so good during a dud week. 

What the fuck were you doing? Watching as the three dots type and turn into a message, one that had the corner of your lips pulled up as you read it. Disgusting. 

You two didn’t speak after that. 

Waking up the following morning, you didn’t respond, and he never double texted. Better off that way, you thought. And it was solidified as you thought back to the party last night. 

You paid no mind to the boy who walked along the beach like he owned it. Your eyes didn’t look for his in the crowd, and you couldn’t help the huff that escaped your lips as he cut you in line for a refill on beer. 

Your head was pounding as you regretted nearly every thought you had to agree going to the party. Your sunglasses hadn’t left your face since you entered work, the lights were far too bright, the music was far too loud, and each and every customer was far too annoying. Typically, Saturday was your favorite day to work, but this was brutal. A part of you almost hoping that your boss would pop in and send you home for being out of dress code. 

JJ’s voice rang through the small shop, your name echoing off the walls and piercing your hungover ears. Pulling yourself from the back room, your eyes rolled behind your sunglasses as he came into sight. 

“You’re so fucking lucky there aren’t any customers in here?” You spat, also happy your shift mate was out grabbing lunch. 

“That’s no way to greet someone in this fine establishment.” JJ teased, eyebrow raising as he turned his attention to the clothing hung neatly in place, pulling it from the rack and holding it up to his body. “What’s the verdict? Fashion icon?” 

“The verdict is you would never buy that because it costs more than a day of work and you would stain it two hours.” You conveniently left out that it was a skirt he was mistaking for a tube top, there really wasn’t a thought in his brain. A giggle escaped your lips as you watched his eyes widen as he looked at the price tag, promptly putting it back on the rack and attempting to smooth it out as if he had never touched it. 

“Anyway,” he started nearing closer to you, taking a glance around the small shop. “We were all meeting up at the dock, we were going to chill, drink some beers, swim a little. When do you get off? It’s clearly extremely lively in here, a real bustling shop.. Would be a shame if you closed early.” His shoulders shrugged, smile tugging on his lips as his brows raised. 

“You know I can’t just close early. I don’t have the power to do that.”

“Please, you’re like vice president here and you work every day, you could pull some strings with Big O.” Your lips pulled into a small smile as you shook your head. 

“I’m assistant manager, I have plenty of days off - in fact, my last day off you were too busy hooking up with some tourist to hangout, might I add, and Mrs. Overton would not like you calling her ‘Big O’, or like if I closed early.” Jeez, when did you become such a buzzkill? After your third hour of being hungover, that was for sure. JJ’s bottom lip jutted out, you wouldn’t shut him down without a fight and he wouldn’t leave willingly without seeing a text to your boss with the request. 

– 

Sitting on the side of the boat as John B drove, you assumed when JJ said “we” he hadn’t meant Kiara, Pope and Cleo, but instead, you found yourself with only JJ and John B. 

“I can’t believe I convinced my boss to close early to hangout with you two..” 

“I have such a way with words.” JJ’s cocky tone was enough to make you roll your eyes and send a middle finger in his direction. In reality, YOU had a way with words. The way you respectfully pointed out that sales had been down that day, in fact, they had been down the last few weeks. If you were able to leave, you could showcase what was on the floor in person, and you would be able to show up to your shift tomorrow with a new outlook on the sales for the week. You strategically left out your raging hangover, that was neither here nor there. Mrs. Overton quickly agreed, saying you needed to enjoy one of the last beautiful Saturdays of the summer before Autumn came in. She was too sweet for her own good. 

“Did you notice Topper didn’t even look at me last night? Sarah was with me-”

“She was hanging on you.” You corrected, JJ reaching out to tap knuckles with you as John B cut the engine, dropping anchor in the middle of the marsh.

“Whatever, we were talking the whole night, and Topper didn’t make a single comment, no dirty looks, nothing.”

“Rafe and Kelce didn’t try anything last night, either.” JJ added quickly, peering over the sunglasses that covered his eyes as he cracked open a beer. You shooed it away as he offered it in your direction. 

“Yeah well, Rafe cut me in line for a beer.” Shoulders shrugging, attempting to grasp at any bit of normalcy from the interaction you and Rafe hadn’t even shared.

“Well shit, call Shoupe. How dare he!” John B teased, JJ quickly laughing at the comment. 

“Why did I agree to hangout with you two today?” Tone teasing, but they were lucky your hangover was dwindling as the time went on. 

“Because we’re your best friends.” John B’s voice was a matter of fact, shoulders shrugging. 

“Maybe Sarah had a talk with them. If you’re seeing her, I can’t see why she would let her brother and his friends fight with you guys.” There was a small murmur amongst the three of you, clearly that must’ve been the answer, right? You were just happy JJ had dropped the teasing he had been giving you, and happy he didn’t know about your late night texting - it still felt like a fever dream.

– 

Floorset day.

It was the worst day, right ahead of shipment day. Having to unpack all of the new clothes, unwrap them, put them in size order and backstock was a nightmare. But you would rather do that than completely rearrange the store and dress mannequins. 

You were fighting with a mannequin arm to try and put it back in its socket, you had already been whacked in the head, nearly tackled by a plastic person, and now you were standing with an arm between your legs, trying to shove the other one on. Letting out a huff as you continued to struggle, you heard the ding of the door. Of course someone had to come in right now. It’s always how it happened. Always when you were on the ladder changing a light bulb, or fighting with the mannequins- they couldn’t just wait ten more minutes to buy some overpriced clothes. Pulling the mannequin arm out of the polo shirt, you placed it on the table, turning to look at the door and who had just come in. 

“Hi! Welcome in! I apologize for the-” You stopped, eyes glancing over Rafe who was looking right at you. Pulling your hair that had clung to your lipgloss, you stumbled over your words. “Uh- apologize for the mess. We just got in some new items.” Taking a deep breath, you smiled. “Let me know if I can help you with anything.” 

He was alone, and if it wasn’t for his behavior, you would have written it off, and turned your attention back to the mannequin, back to the ipad with how the floor needed to be set up. And despite your best efforts to pull yourself from the thoughts of Rafe Cameron that consumed and confused your mind, you couldn’t help but watch as he moved around the store. An internal fight broke out inside of you, wanting to just let the kook do whatever it is he came here for. He had already picked up his items- he came in empty handed so he wasn’t returning anything. Hell, you had told him to let you know if there was anything you could help him with, so why were you still watching? 

You hadn’t seen him in a few days, your last interaction, if you could even call it that, was at the party a few days ago. No texts, not that you really expected any- it wasn’t like you had previously texted him on a regular basis. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to walk in on you manhandling your boyfriend.” He smiled. And you swore your heartbeat picked up. What the hell was going on with you? Distance makes the heart grow fonder or whatever bullshit Shakespear would have said? Your life was not some cheesy romance movie. 

“It’s okay, I prefer when I have an audience. I think it teaches him more of a lesson.” His lips pulled further into a grin, looking down to the floor in an almost attempt to hide his reaction. He paused by the rack of new items you had gotten in the day prior, eyes flickering to you as if silently asking if he was allowed to look through the racks. “Wait, actually there’s something we got in and I thought of you when I opened it.” You pulled the mannequin arm from between your legs, heels clicking as you stepped closer to him. 

“You thought of me?” His brows raised and you felt a heat take over your face. You did what you did best and ignored his question, eyes trailing down the rack as your finger lightly ghosted each piece of clothing until you pulled the sweater out. 

“So this is similar to that shirt you got before, but the fabric is a little thicker for when it gets colder. This color is a good transition color for going into fall, but-” You paused, pulling out another color. “This one is going to let you transition from fall into winter with the deeper tone. Not to mention you can put a button up underneath it to dress it up and also give you another layer. The style is also going to last you a while since it’s a staple piece, and if you like the color enough, it doesn’t matter what colors are in, you know?” You could feel his eyes on you instead of the sweaters you had pulled out, but once your sales side came out, there was no shoving her away. This is what you were good at, it was how you made bigger commission checks. “I noticed you wear more bright colors when you’re out during the day, assuming the country club? And then you wear darker when you’re with friends or at a party. And don’t flatter yourself with me saying I take note of these things, I like clothes. Anyway, you’re obviously not going to wear this sweater out with your friends or anything like that, it’s cashmere and wool- you would be sweating but I don’t know if you’re really going for pink sweater vibes either.” You grabbed his wrist, pulling him towards the second rack. “I think this striped one is so nice. The navy and white stripes but not all the way up? It’s nautical but also just yells fall, paired with some brown pants-” You stopped yourself, almost embarrassed with how much you had rambled. 

You watched as Rafe’s blue eyes scanned the clothing you had tossed his way, along with the newest sweater you had brought his attention to. 

“New shoes I bought have navy on ‘em, right?” His brows furrowed, turning his attention to you. Your face perked up a bit. 

“They do, and if you have the plain white, which everyone on The Eight does,” you paused, pulling at the original sweater you had shown him. “This would go, obviously because they’re white. They go with everything.” 

---

You weren’t entirely sure how it happened, but Rafe was now helping you shove the arm onto the mannequin. He had bought almost all of your recommendations, despite the brown pants you reassured would be a good choice. He had nearly laughed in your face, but said he would be back if needed. He would be back when he realized you were right.

“So you’re the only one here today?” The brunet asked, a popping sound happening from the mannequin before he slowly released the arm, it staying in place on the torso. You nodded, arms up, ready to catch the arm should it fall. 

“Yeah, they trust me to run the store?” You laughed, shaking your head as the concept still baffled you. Lowering your arms, you smoothed out your blouse, running your fingers through your hair as you looked around the store. It wasn’t perfect, but it was getting near the end of the day and the last thing you wanted to do was start another project and stay later than you needed to. “I’m not supposed to be the only one working since I lock up and could obviously take something, but I think my boss knows I need the money and I would be dumb to steal and lose my job.” 

He nodded, taking a seat on the arm of a chair. Looking lost in thought, your own mind began to wander. The hour or so you had just spent with Rafe was actually… nice. Throwing different clothes his way, laughing as he huffed in the fitting room, mumbling a few “absolutely not’s” and rolling his eyes as he came out in a few of the ‘older’ styles, as you called them. He had even convinced you to try on a few outfits, and you couldn’t help but laugh at one of the combos he had chosen. You both laughed until your stomachs hurt.

It was almost domestic in a way, like the two of you had been friends for years. If you were being honest, the past drama, or whatever it had been was nowhere near on your mind. The way your friends teased you, the way Rafe and his friends had caused more trouble than good in your lives - the only thing you felt was happiness. You never expected to find yourself laughing with Rafe Cameron, never expected to have anywhere near a good time with him.

And now you found yourself locking up the shop, Rafe waiting for you outside as you set the alarm code and locking the back door. Your heels clicked along the cement, and with the fresh air hitting you, that’s when what you were doing really hit you. You were going to be seen out in public with a kook. Not just any kook, but Rafe Cameron. He seemed sure of it, had rattled off the two of you going to Duke’s a small restaurant that you had heard had amazing food, not that you could ever convince any of your friends to go. You accepted without much of a second thought. 

But the second thought was hitting now. 

“Did you want to put your things in your car?” Hands fumbling to put your keys in your purse and grip onto your sunglasses. He nodded as you slid your sunglasses on, he followed your motions, take his own off his head and covering his eyes with the shades. Following him to his car, you slid your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’. While a small bit of worry was coursing through your veins at the thought of getting dinner with Rafe, the last thing you needed was your friends bothering you- or figuring out where you were and making fun of you for actually giving him the time of day.

“You look nice today, you know.” Rafe’s voice was casual as he tossed the large bags into the backseat of his Range Rover. 2022 you assumed, maybe 2020, but there was no way it was any older than four years old. Despite the people you imagined getting in and out of it, it still faintly smelt like new car. You wondered how he kept the smell lingering around for so long. “You looked nice the other day, too. But I don’t know if cashmere is really something you should be wearing in the summer. You’ll sweat.” Oh, so he wanted to tease you now about what you had said to him earlier? Eyes rolling at his comment, you couldn’t help the corner of your lips pulling into a bit of a smile. 

“It’s August, Cameron. It’s basically fall, and it was feather cashmere, anyway.” Your hand waved him off, a light giggle escaping your lips. “But thank you. I’m usually fighting the mannequin in a skirt or dress, but I learned this time.” 

“You mean to tell me that Paul puts up a fight every time?” Of course he remembered you telling him how you had named all the mannequins, because why wouldn’t he? How could he possibly make himself anymore desirable in the moment? He couldn’t- you were sure of it. 

It pained you, if you were being honest. The way he effortlessly made you laugh, and the way you were able to tease each other, firing back at one another. It reminded you of your nights with the pogues, though the sexual comments were yet to be found. He was actually respectful, which surprised you. Was it because he was alone? Why was he alone? Were you just some last resort when all of his friends were busy? You couldn’t think of that right now, no matter the reason, you had already spent time with him, you had already had a good time. You had already agreed to dinner. 

–

Dinner had taken longer than you had expected- but it wasn’t in a bad way. You had actually learned a lot about Rafe, which was something you never thought you would say. That he’s a lefty golfer, which was a bit weird since he was a righty. You learned that despite living in Kildare his entire life, he didn’t have his boating license, and he was allergic to strawberries. You learned he was in the process of helping his dad with his company, but he couldn’t quite get all the trust he had hoped for.

Your cheeks hurt from how long you had been smiling. When was the last time you had smiled that much? You couldn’t exactly pinpoint it, not that it really mattered. 

He smacked away your card as you attempted to tell the waitress to split the bill, a huff escaping your lips as you glared towards him. “I could have paid, you know. At least half.” 

“Could have, but aren’t going to.” He said simply, flashing you a toothy grin. 

“Well, I’ll leave the tip then.” 

“Or, you could let me handle it.” 

A huff escaped your lips, sliding the card back into your wallet, arms crossed against your chest. His lips pulled into a grin as he watched you admit defeat, your motions mimicking that of a child who didn’t get their way. 

“Contrary to popular belief, we can actually pay for our own meals.” Your words were sour as they left your lips, feeling a sense of pity radiate off of him. His brows had furrowed. “If this was some charity case it can stop here.” 

“Woah, woah.” Rafe’s hands found themselves up, confused at this sudden attack after a meal spent with laughter and aching cheeks from smiles. “I seemed to have missed where I insulted you? I think you left the station and took a hard left because where did I insinuate that you couldn’t pay?” 

“When you decided to not even let me tip.”

“I did that as a kind gesture.” He added quickly. “Do you always attack people after they pay for your meal?” 

“Only when they don’t let me tip.” 

“Then I look forward to more arguments in the future.” 

His words shocked you, your hands getting clammy at the thought of seeing him again, of sharing a dinner table with him again. A part of you believed this was just a nice gesture after spending some time together, surely he had just gotten hungry and decided to invite you along as opposed to eating alone. 

Perhaps you were wrong. 

“Thank you.” You finally mumbled, eyes meeting his. Suddenly your rings were the most interesting thing on the planet, toying with them on your fingers as you felt embarrassment creep up at your outburst, though also feeling a flush creep on your cheeks. Thankfully, the restaurant was dimly lit and you were certain Rafe wasn’t able to see the effect of his words. More arguments in the future, please.

The walk to your car was once again filled with laughter and teasing, something that you hadn’t been sure would be possible with someone like Rafe, someone who had always been so different from you and your friends. Someone who didn’t seem to understand the world you came from - not that you could understand his world any easier. As much of a facade as you put up in your fancy clothes, you were still from The Cut. You still had to work, and work hard at that, for everything that came your way. 

But there was something easy about being with Rafe - not that you would admit that to him or your friends. Ever. 

“Well, thanks for the clothing recommendations, still honored you thought about me as you pulled them out of the boxes.” You pushed his shoulder slightly at his words, a small ‘oh please’ mumbled under your breath at his words. “And I’m grateful the server took the knives away before I refused to let you pay.” 

Reaching for your keys, you rolled your eyes at his remembrance of your outburst, you proclamation that yet again, there was a clear line in the sand from where you both stood on the island. That line in the sand becoming more apparent, yet again, as you unlocked your car which was strikingly different from Rafe’s flashy one. He didn’t mention it, but thoughts were once again flying rampant around your mind at just how different the two of you were. 

“No, no. Thank you. I wouldn’t have been able to get that arm on without you, and I’ve dying to eat at Dukes. Really, thank you.” Your words were sincere, and Rafe was almost caught off guard by your lack of jokes. He kept it cool, as he had the whole time you spoke to him, in fact, as he had every time you spoke to him the last few days. A part of you wondered if that was just who he was, or if he was better at hiding his emotions than he lead on - at least with your friends. 

As the two of you approached your car, you half waited for him to lean against the door, for the two of you to keep speaking for another hour. And a part of you almost wanted it. 

“See you around?” He offered, an easy exit. 

“See you around.” You confirmed, reality creeping in as you watched him nod, tapping the top of your car. Rafe offered you a simple ‘get home safe’ before turning on his heels and heading in the direction of his car. 

Climbing into your car, you sat there for a moment, the whole day swirling around your head. You drove home with the radio on low, still trying to understand how you had really ended up at dinner with Rafe in the first case. 

Not a date. You kept repeating to yourself, because while you had known of Rafe Cameron all your life, the Rafe Cameron that had sat across from you at dinner was brand new. Pulling into your driveway and making your way to your room, you finally pulled your phone from your bag, taking it off Do Not Disturb. Your phone flooded with messages from your friends, but none from him.

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taglist: @p0gue420@khaisdrz@marrleyss@sadgirlxangel@alorsxsturn @hoelesslyt @mattyskies @percysley @eolsens @saintsir4n @honeybee270

[splishfish]

Love Sick (NSFW)

Keigo Takami x AFAB Reader

Tags: PiV, a lot of emotions, Unprotected Sex, Reader and Keigo had 2 cups of wine, Intoxicated Confessions, Friends to Lovers, A lot of Fluff, Doggy Style, Missionary

WC: 4.6k

It’s love.

You weren’t sure when you started developing feelings for your best friend. All you knew is that one day, they were just there. 

Maybe it was the time he had bought you your favorite food because you were sick and at home. Maybe it was when he had memorized your order at your favorite restaurant. Or…maybe it was when he told you he felt more like himself around you than he’s ever felt in his life.

Yeah. Maybe it was then.

Or not. You really don’t know.

All you know is that you love him. Badly. It’s embarrassing, really. When he’s with you, you forget about the world around you two. You want to know more about him, even if there’s nothing left to share. Everything seems so much more simple when he’s with you, like the world suddenly seems right. It’s freeing. It’s liberating.

It’s love.

So when he calls you right after his patrol ended, you could feel your heart leap out of your chest, hands beginning to tingle as sweat formed on your palms. You picked up with an excited smile, your legs bouncing as you spoke.

“Hey! Finally off work, Kei?”

“Yeah. Hey, I’m gonna drop by that takeout place near the agency, do you want anything?”

Through the phone, you could hear the faint noises of the city. Cars and trains passing through, no doubt filled with civilians who just got off work or school. Horns and advertisements occasionally squeaking through the speaker, only barely muffled by the sound of his voice.

He really did just get off his patrol. Maybe he was leaning against the cold wall of an alleyway, head tilted up to stare at the sky. Or maybe he was sitting on a rooftop, wings stretched behind him as he relaxed from his tiring job.

“You know I don’t turn down an offer for food, Kei. Especially from you~”

Your voice was teasing, a cheeky smile on your face you hoped he could picture in his mind. You wondered if he could see you in his mind just as vividly as you could see him in yours. Just the thought alone made your heart stutter.

“Ha! You’re greedy, y’know that?”

There was a exaggeration of annoyance in his voice, which was quickly broken with a soft chuckle.

“You want the usual right? And do you want water or should I get you that tea you like?”

His question really shouldn’t affect you as much as it does. Had it been any other person who asked, you were sure you’d just nod and continue with your order, not even spare the time to realize what they asked.

But it’s not someone else. It’s Keigo. Your best friend. Your crush. And for some reason, that alone makes your heart flutter with joy. Because it’s Keigo who remembered your favorite order. It was him, the man who made your hands sweat and your leg bounce every time he spoke to you. Not your family, not your other friends or coworkers. 

But him.

“I’ll get the tea this time, Thanks.”

“Hey, no problem Princess. I’ll be there soon, okay?”

Princess. When did he start calling you that, you wonder. Maybe it was during that halloween party a few years back, where you dressed as the queen of hearts. Or was it that time when you admitted your parents spoiled you throughout your childhood?

Maybe it was then. 

But you can’t remember.

“Yeah yeah, See ya later.”

When you heard the chime of your call disconnect, you could feel your body slump over. You brought a hand up to your heart, pressing down on the surface of your chest to feel its rapid beating slowly calm down. 

It was funny. Your heart just felt like it ran a mile, but your body felt like it just got up from a deep sleep. Was this what love is supposed to feel like?

You shook those thoughts out of your head, standing up and heading towards the bathroom. Maybe a cold shower would calm your nerves.

-

By the time you got out of the shower, hair damp and baggy clothes thrown on lazily, Keigo had already made his way into your house and plated your food.

He turned his head when he heard your footsteps, a small smile on his face as he closed his eyes and spoke.

“Hey princess! You didn’t answer the door so I just came in through the balcony. Hope you don’t mind.”

You thought back to when you two weren’t as close as you were now. Years ago, when you had only just met him. He had done the same thing, entering through the balcony when you were out of the house, and scaring the living shit out of you when you came home and found him scouring your fridge.

It pissed you off back then. You remembered scolding him while he had that shit eating smirk on his face, walking towards you during your lecture and wrapping his arm around your shoulder as he told you to ‘loosen up’. 

Now it was…endearing. No. That wasn’t the right word. It felt…right…knowing that he was there waiting for you. 

You chuckled, thanking him while pulling out your chair and seating yourself. The smell of the food was as delicious as always, fresh and hot, surely due to the fact that he flew over here. How lucky, not having to deal with traffic.

You both ate at a comfortable pace, chatting away as you spoke about your days. He told you about his patrol, how he had stopped a few petty villains, and how he was swarmed by fans and reporters by the end of his shift. It was a normal occurrence, but it never failed to tire him out regardless.

And then it was your turn. You told him about your day at work, how your shifts had been uneventful as always, except for the few stories you had accumulated from your coworkers. It was funny how different both of your lives were.

It all felt so domestic. Like a couple who had just sat down for dinner, talking about everything and nothing as they ate.

A couple. You liked that idea.

Before you could continue to get lost in your thoughts, you heard him clear his throat before speaking.

”Hey, so I was thinking…”

“Well. That’s never a good sign”

“Rude! At least let me finish!”

A snort escaped your lips, waving him off as you took another bite of your food. A small huff escaped his pouty lips, before he mumbled.

“Well now I don’t wanna…”

You couldn’t help the way your eyes rolled in response, a smile tugging on your lips as you spoke.

“Oh don’t be like that. Cmon, what were you gonna say?”

“No! I’m not telling you now!”

It was cute, the way he turned his head and crossed his arms. His lips curling into a small, teasing pout as his wings fluffed up behind him. He looked away from you, attempting to hide his face, but you could see the corner of his lips slowly twitching into an amused smile.

Your thoughts from earlier began to resurface, and you could feel your heart twist in your chest. When and why did you start to fall for him? Was it because you two shared so many interests and opinions? Was it because no matter how you were feeling, he could always make you laugh and forget all your issues?

Maybe it was because he listened to you when you spoke to him, or maybe it was because he showered you with gifts and affection. Or maybe it was because he called you beautiful, and stared at you like you were the only person that mattered in his world.

Yeah…maybe it was that.

You stared at the wine glass in your hand, the deep red liquid rippling with every minute movement of your body. Your body felt warm, the effects of the wine slowly making its way through your system. There was a movie playing in the background, some random film you had chosen for today's movie night.

Keigo’s arm was slung lazily on your shoulders, pulling you close to him with one arm, while the other was holding his wine glass. It was peaceful. It was quiet. 

You wondered if he could hear the way your heart hammered in your chest.

The flashing colors of the movie felt slow and dull in comparison to your wandering mind. His arm felt warm and heavy on your shoulder, and you could feel the way his fingers traced absentminded shapes on your skin. You wondered what was going on through his mind right now. Was he just as distracted as you were? Did he also feel the way your bodies were pressed together, almost as if wishing to meld together?

You almost didn’t feel the way his hand squeezed your shoulder, gently rousing you from your thoughts.

You turned your head to stare up at him, only to see that his golden eyes were already staring down at you. Your heart fluttered softly. How long had he been staring at you?

“Are you okay Princess?”

His voice was so soft, and he stared at you with such adoring eyes it made you wonder if he was really talking to you. His hand gave your shoulder another squeeze, once again drawing you out of your thoughts. You cleared your throat, voice mellow from the wine.

“Ah…yeah, i’m good. What's up?”

He didn’t respond for a moment, his eyes simply raking down your face, as if searching for something. It took him a few seconds to finally speak again, his expression softening to one of affection.

“Nothin’...you just looked a little…lost.”

Lost.

The word made you chuckle, a familiar sense of comfort filling your body. Maybe had he said this a few months ago, when you were first coming to terms with your feelings, you would have agreed. Back then, everything seemed so confusing, so much more difficult to navigate. It felt like you were swimming in a sea of conflicting emotions, with none of them many form of sense.

But now things were different. You weren't lost in that deep array of wild emotions, you weren’t scared to confront your feelings. No. You understood them now. To a small extent at least. You understood enough to know that these feelings weren’t here to hurt you, that they were just here to be known. To be felt.

Lost was the furthest thing you felt.

“Ah, sorry…I was just lost in thought.”

He hummed in response, shifting slightly so he could pull you closer to his chest. He put his wine down on the coffee table, bringing his arm around to embrace you in a comforting hug. You melted under his touch, sighing softly as he took the glass from your hand and placed it down as well.

You laid your head on his chest, the faint beating of his heart echoed in your ear like a soothing lullaby. This wasn’t the first time you two had embraced, no, it was far from it. But something was different. 

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system. Or maybe it was the way his hand slowly began to thread through your hair, massaging your scalp in such a tender way you could have sworn only lovers did.

“...You’re beautiful, you know that?”

His voice broke through the silence that enveloped you two once again, his voice carrying through the air. You shifted slightly, lifting your head to rest your chin on his pectorals, raising a brow at his words.

“Where’s this coming from?”

You mumbled softly, your eyes searching his golden ones. He smiled down at you, ruffling your hair as he chuckled.

“What, I can’t call my best friend beautiful?”

“No. I might get the wrong idea y’know.”

He chuckled again, his hand tightening slightly against your hair. He didn’t respond for a moment, but you could feel the way he hesitated to speak, his voice laced with mock confidence as he sent you a teasing smirk.

“What if I want you to get the wrong idea?”

It wasn’t rare for him to flirt with you. No, he was always like this, even before you two became good friends. Whenever he did, he would always give you that stupid smirk of his, his voice laced with a deriding tone. Back then, you were sure he did it just to piss you off, always making a flirtatious comment he knew would make you uncomfortable.

At some point, you learned to ignore it, passing off his remarks with a roll of your eyes and a knowing smile. You don’t know when you got so used to his advancements, but eventually they became a habit. A normal occurrence in your friendship with each other, comments the both of you took as nothing more than a jest.

So why did this feel genuine?

You shook off the feeling, praying he didn’t notice the way your heart rate increased at his words. You scoffed at his words with a small smile, pinching his side playfully..

“Ha ha. Very funny Keigo.”

A sarcastic laugh left your lips, but before you could come up with a snarky comment, he interrupted you.

“I mean it.”

What?

You felt your blood turn cold, your hands prickling with sweat as you shuffled up to stare at him. His expression was something akin to fear, the usual cocky smile that graced his face seemed weak and hesitant.

You swallowed a thick glob of saliva that coated your tongue, attempting to stop your mouth from drying at his words. A strained chuckle escaped your lips, your brows furrowing as you tried to reel in your nerves.

“Oh c’mon…don’t tell me two glasses of wine already have you-”

“It’s not the wine.”

His grasp on you tightened, holding you closer to his body. The weak smile on his face shifted into a small frown, his face morphing into something earnest and soft. He opened his mouth before closing it, squeezing you slightly before he sighed.

“I…You can’t tell me there isn’t…something happening between us…right?”

Before you could even open your mouth, he began to rant.

“I mean- this, this isn’t normal. Do normal friends do…this? Hold each other in their arms late at night, drinking wine while they pretend to watch a movie? Do friends look at each other the way we look at each other?”

His eyes closed, holding you close as desperation seeped into his voice.

“Maybe…Maybe it is the wine that's making me say this…but so what? Maybe I wouldn't say these things if I wasn't intoxicated…maybe I would just let us pine over each other like stupid lovesick teenagers any other day, but I don’t want that…I don’t want that anymore…”

He buried his face into your neck, his wings slowly coming to wrap around your frame. His grasp on you tightened, afraid that you might slip away from him. 

“Please…tell me I'm not crazy. Tell me you also can’t stand…whatever this shit is…”

He finally loosened his grip on you, his hands coming up to cup your face, pulling you back enough to stare desperately into your eyes.

For a moment, you wondered if this was a dream. Were his hands really holding you? Was he really acknowledging the painful tension you two had been enduring? You had never seen him with such a desperate look in his eyes, his voice wavering and hoarse with emotion. You had never seen…this.

It took you a moment to respond, an embarrassing croak of your throat escaping you before your words did.

“I…Keigo…” “Please…” He was begging. Keigo Takami, your best friend, was begging.

“I…I can’t stand it either…Keigo, I-” You were quickly silenced, warm lips connecting with yours in a desperate kiss. Your body reacted instinctively, kissing him back as your eyes fluttered closed, hands coming up to cup his cheeks and bring him closer.

You wondered if it was the wine that made your body feel so warm.

The kiss was full of emotion, feelings from the last few months, maybe even the past year or two suddenly becoming a reality. The longing and desire from both ends quickly caused the kiss to heat up, hands wandering without any direction, body’s slowly shifting to accommodate each other.

You both break away from the kiss, breaths mixing together as you attempt to refill your lungs with much needed air. His forehead pressed against your own, noses bumping against each other in a display of affection. He smiled finally, his eyes fluttering open as he pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth, and then your lips again.

“Thank you…damn it…you have no idea how badly i’ve been wanting to do that…” A breathy chuckle escaped your lips, reaching forward once again to peck his lips, the air felt warm, filled with love and unspoken words of affection. Words that didn’t need to be said. Word’s that could be felt. Word’s that could be seen.

Word’s that they could only express through action.

“Me too…me too…” A soft laugh escaped the both of you, your thumbs gently stroking his cheeks as you both leaned back in for another kiss.

This one was different. Although there was still that longing for affection, that desire to be closer was becoming overwhelming. His lips parted slightly, taking your bottom lip and gently nipping it, a small chuckle escaping your lips as you tilted your head, deepening the kiss.

As you both became more comfortable, your tongues began to gently prod at each other, soft giggles and chuckles making their way into your kiss as your emotions mixed into one. The atmosphere was comfortable, the movie in the background forgotten, filling the room with its muffled sounds.

You pulled away from Keigo, shifting in his lap to straddle him, pushing him down to lay on the couch before going back to kissing him. His tongue finally slipped through the seams of your lips, running the tip of it over your teeth and gums before finally prodding yours. It was a weird feeling, his fleshy muscle swirling with yours, saliva mixing in the heat of the kiss.

It wasn’t until you felt something twitch against your thigh, that you pulled away again, raising a brow at him as you smiled.

“Excited?”

A faint blush coated his cheek, and an embarrassed chuckle left his lips as he spoke hoarsely.

“S-Sorry…can’t help it…you’re just…”

He stopped mid sentence, staring up at you with a soft smile and hooded eyes. His chest rose and fell with each breath, his hands trailing down from your cheeks, to your neck, to your shoulders, and then to your arms, squeezing the flesh as he admired your body.

“I’m just…?” You asked with a smile, a quiet chuckle escaping your lips as his hands began to travel lower, holding your waist with gentle hands as he murmured.

“Perfect…you’re just…perfect…”

His words were filled with such earnest truth and affection, it was impossible trying to stop the rising blush on your cheeks. You smiled down at him, your hands slowly trailing down to his chest, rubbing his pectorals as you murmured.

“Flirt…” You snorted out playfully.

“Just for you, princess…”

He muttered, a teasing smile on his face as he gently squeezed your waist. His hands began to slowly trail lower, his fingers slipping under the hem of your shirt gently rubbing small circles on your plush skin.

You didn’t say anything for a moment, a slow heat beginning to form in your lower stomach, guiding your hips to move in a slow roll. You could feel his breath stutter, his hands gently squeezing your waist once again before gently guiding you to roll again, and again, and again, until the both of you were slowly panting from the growing friction.

His eyes were hooded and glassy as he stared up at you, a love stricken expression in his eyes as he began to gently buck his bulge against your heat. Your combined movements were slow and gentle, a mix of deep affection and desire slowly pouring out in tender motions.

You leaned back down, pressing your lips against his once again, the kiss slow and purposeful, filled with affection and now lust. You continued to roll your hips together, the kiss muffling the growing sounds of whimpers and soft groans.

This time it was Keigo who pulled away, pressing soft kisses along your cheeks, before moving down to your jaw. He gently nipped at your flesh, moving lower until he was gently biting down on the flesh of your neck licking the bite marks he left behind.

“I…We don’t have to do this…right now…”

His voice was rough, filled with restrained desire. His hands rubbed up and down your sides,  gently nipping your neck again.

You slowed the roll of your hips until they stopped completely, your hands resting on his chest as you processed his words.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you wondered if he didn’t want this, if he was just waiting for an excuse to pull away and stop this. But you knew this wasn’t true. No, he was worried you would regret this. He was worried that you didn’t want this. But you did. You wanted him.

You wanted Keigo Takami. Your best friend. And hopefully, now, your lover.

“I want this. I want you.”

The soft plapping of skin filled your ears, drowning out the endless creaking of your bed frame. Your hands gripped the white sheets below you, face buried into one of the pillows you kept on your bed. Another pillow was under your tummy, helping you arch your back far enough so that Keigo could comfortably grasp your hips, pulling you back to fuck you on his cock.

His groans were soft and quiet, his abs flexing under each thrust as he tilted is head back, soft words of praise leaving his lips.

“You’re doin’ so good f’me baby…takin’ my cock so well…”

A whimper escaped your lips, your aching cunt squeezing his cock as his words went straight to your clit. You moved in rhythm with his thrusts, your cunny desperately trying to take more of his cock, more of him.

The fluttering of his wings was faint, but became louder as the speed of his thrusts increased. You could barely see from your position, but you could have sworn he was using the force of his wings to fuck you harder.

“Feels good, right baby? Fuck…I’ve been wanting to fuck this pretty pussy for so long…ah...been dreaming about this…”

The weight of his balls slapped against your folds, barely hitting your clit as they swung from the force of his movements. The flesh of your ass jiggled and rippled everytime it slapped against his pelvis, his eyes locked onto the way your hole greedily sucked him in. You couldn’t help the way your legs spread further, arching your back once you felt the warmth of his palm spread against the small of your back.

“K-Kei…Keigo…Hah-Mhn…wanna…wanna see you..”

His breath hitched, a small whimper escaping him as his thrusts slowed down, long shallow thrusts causing you to feel every vein and inch through your spongy walls.

“Wanna see me baby? Yeah…Yeah ok…”

He slowly pulled out, his hand immediately going to the base of his cock, pumping his slick covered penis as he watched you roll onto your back. He bit his bottom lip, shuffling closer as he slung your legs over his waist, lining up the tip of his cock to your empty hole.

“Ok…Ok, I’m-I’m putting it back in, okay?”

The small nod of your head was enough for him, and he slowly pushed back inside. First, the head of his cock slipped inside, your sloppy folds eagerly sucking him back in, desperate for more. Then, the rest of his length, each inch slowly sinking deeper and deeper into your cunny until his balls finally rested against your ass, trimmed blonde pubes mixing with your own.

Your hands slowly trailed up your body, resting on your breasts as you slowly began to tweak and pull your nipples, your body beginning to bounce with the slowly increasing pace of each jolt of his hips. His body leans forwards, resting on his forearms as he reaches that mind numbing pace again.

You could feel the tip of his cock pushing against your g-spot, rubbing it with such tenderness it makes your heart flutter. You tilt your head back, breathless moans caught short when he leans down and kisses you, tender and soft despite how rough he’s being with your cunt.

He pulls away from the kiss, littering your cheeks with small pecks of affection. He pulls you closer, the feeling of his cock so eagerly pounding into causes your pussy to slick up with arousal, the room filling with the lewd noises of your coitus.

“I-I love you…Damn it…”

He stuttered out, his hand coming up to cup your cheek stroking it with his thumb as he speaks from his heart.

“I love you so much…I-I don’t…I don’t know when it happened I…I j-just…” A low moan escaped his throat, his body shifting again, pressing down onto your body in an attempt to keep you as close as possible, craving your skin, craving your heat.

Craving you.

“I just- I just remember…fuck-seeing you, seeing you…and thinking…thinking that i’m so fucking glad that I-I have you…so glad…ah…”

A small sob escaped your lips. You couldn’t tell if you were crying, or maybe if your sweat was beginning to drip down your face, but you felt something wet fall. Broken moans mixed with grunts filled your ears, the coil in your stomach fluttering and tightening with each word that left his mouth.

“B-But there…there was something else too- oh god i’m-i’m close- There-there was that feeling, that stupid fucking feeling…of my heart fluttering…of knowing- knowing that…that I was more than just glad…”

His hips stuttered, and your legs tightened around his waist. Oh. Now you were crying. Now you could feel the way your heart ached at his words, the way you could sympathize and relate to his words.

“I-I…I was…I realized that I was in love with you, damn it…and-and it scared me…be-because I knew…I knew you liked me too…”

You could feel his cock twitch inside you, his groans becoming whimpers and his thrusts becoming shallow and rough. The movement made your cunt ache, the coil in your stomach about to snap. He was close. You were close.

“But I-I didn’t want to hurt you…Didn’t-Didn’t wanna ruin what we have- what we had…but I- fuck! fuck fuck fuck fuck! I couldn’t help it anymore! Because I love you! I love you I love you I-”

A burning hot wave of pleasure coursed through you, a sob mixed with a scream of pleasure spilled from your mouth, your orgasm ripping through you as he fucked you through it. Your legs shook, your cunt ached and pulsed, and your heart leapt out of your mouth as you screamed.

”I love you! I love you, Keigo!”

A pathetic wine of pleasure left him, his hips stuttering one last time before he quickly pulled out, lifting himself off your body to violently fist his cock, releasing his burning hot seed onto your stomach. Strings of white coated your flesh, and you could see his body tremble as he faced his own wave of pleasure.

As the final few dribbles of cum spilled from his red slit, he finally leaned back down and pressed his forehead against your own. His pants mingled with your own, his hand gently rubbing the flesh of your waist in a soothing circular motion.

As the two of you slowly came down from your highs, he pressed another kiss on your lips, smiling softly when he pulled away to murmur.

“So you wanna take a shower together?” “Later…”

“Yeah…okay…”

Did you enjoy this? Check out my Masterlist for more!

Dawg this is my longest fic T-T 4,673 words!! Holy carp! Hope you enjoyed my first, and probably longest Keigo Takami fic!

[mawlbone]

FINDERS KEEPERS - NIKTO

SNIPPET: You know what everyone says about stranger danger but you didn’t had really had the heart to leave someone, even if they looked like they can easily kill you on the bathroom floor alone, drunk, and heated.

[CW: gn reader, alpha reader, civilian reader, disabled noseblind reader, depressed reader, omega nikto, whiny nikto, dubcon (kinda, it’s the worst meet-cute in history), stalking, kidnapping, and no penetrative sex, dry humping, and messy licking and kissing]

[COMMENT: Ramble style fic. Spawned out between me and oomf’s thoughts when chewing on the man so have Nikto who is desperate for comfort.]

Going to the bar alone after work for your birthday wasn’t really the most idealistic of plans that you had set out for yourself as a kid. Well, no one really but getting drunk before your day-off seemed like the only way you can enjoy such an occasion with the bit of extra cash in your pocket.

But it’s that’s just fun money, not change-your-life-around money. You never have enough to escape the “bad part of town” as the locals called it. Between getting kicked out from the house at eighteen and paying off the never-ending piles of bills at your door — you never really had the opportunity or time to go further your education. It doesn’t help that you can’t even pick up social cues anymore after a bad fall robbed your ability to smell pheromones causing you to fired from your previous jobs because you couldn’t keep or understand a client’s temperate as they filed a complaint towards you. You learned to stock up on scent patches.

Sure, working at the local corner store now had given you enough money to pay for your crummy apartment — if you skip a night or two of dinner which you don’t mind necessarily. It’s not your neighbor’s fault that your savings kept depleting because the shitty landlord keeps raising the rent knowing her residents consists a single mother with kids, disabled elders, and some recovering addicts trying to get their life back together. All whom are too all working within a tight budget to survive. You avoid their guilty gazes every month when you give them an extra twenty or so to make their ends meets so they don’t get kicked out. They’re decent folks, really. People like them don’t deserve to be on the streets.

So here you are, nursing a cheap beer in your hand watching the people among the chaos of the room. The air is hot and dry with the crowd of bodies stuffed into the building amongst the low lights of the room as they mingled on the dance floor.

From your stool, you can truly take in the tackiness as the disco balls swing around flashing everyone in high saturation as the music vibrates your eardrums with enough bass to rattle your brains out. You think you are starting to regret coming in the first place as nurse a cheap beer in your hand. Like really, what bright idea did you had earlier thinking you can enjoy a night out in the club knowing you’re broke, lonely and exhausted from moving boxes. You tilted your head staring down waiting and wishing to go home already But it’s your birthday so you should be up past midnight trying to party with everyone else like all the normal people do during such an occasion.

It’s strange of how much you are coming to hate being in this room right now.

Despite all the liveliness sweaty bodies rubbing against you, the smell of strong liquor burns your nose and the sounds of glass clinking around — your headache continues to grows worse…

Maybe that was the signal for you to realize how fucking pathetic you are standing here like a dunce waiting for something fortune to happen to you. Perhaps you really should had stayed at home instead and avoid all these stuffiness inside your chest but something had piqued your ear from among the noise, something about some bastard in heat passed out in the bathroom.

Poor guy…

You didn’t know exactly compelled you to go find him. Perhaps it was part pity and part curiosity that got you wandering past the sea of people to go look for him, you’re not sure…

Whatever it was, alas for this terrible birthday you can finally escape the crowd.

—

Nikto can only lay in disbelief as another person toe by his body, unfazed as another person simply toe by him, but he can only let out another sad whimper as another cramp twist his guts out.

Laying on the sticky tiles of the bar’s bathroom for hours on end isn’t exactly the most ideal way to entice someone to fuck him but he’s desperate — and everything hurts. So he can only squirm around as another spurt of slick dribble down his thigh annoying everyone at the stench. However, no passerby dare complain seeing the amount of muscles on the man as they tip toe around his body ignoring the small sob escaping from the man’s lips as they fling themselves back into the party.

Months prior before all of this, he had an appointment with his doctor who forbade him from taking anymore suppressants pills saying any more will damage his body something to which he had scoffed at. What more damage can one do to him at this point? His body is marred with scars and he has a file as thick as a dictionary, but all of that never stopped him from fulfilling his duties as a living weapon.

So why is it is that’s he’s here in a drunken stupor with enough liquor in his system to kill a man waiting — hoping for some stranger to take advantage of him.

He didn’t meant to get so wasted, just enough where he’ll forget about being pumped and dumped to ease this pain temporarily. But here? Only the hell of hot alcohol and a shitty cycle is here to torment him.

Fuck! Is he really that ugly that no one would even try to touch him? Do they too see him beyond repair? He already knows nothing about him screams dainty and cute so why does he even try at this point?

Another set of chills cuts through his thoughts before he can continue as he hisses at the pain racking through his head just barely hearing another round of footsteps come close to the bathroom before his vision fades into black.

God, a kiss sounds so good right now.

—

You didn’t know exactly what type of person you were expecting when you step inside the dimly lit bathroom — but seeing a giant of a man wasn’t definitely one of them that everyone failed to mention while you were snooping around. Yeah… Definitely ex-military or something with those scars and face mask as you leaned down to observe the corpse — for a lack of a better word. Stone still and dripping with sweat, he definitely look like he seen better days if anything as you turned him over, grimacing slightly at how sweaty he had become based from the dampness of his jacket against your hand. Whatever, at least he’s breathing much to your relief not knowing what to do with a dead body. With your luck nowadays, hell, maybe even charged with murder.

But here you are now, your interest sated for the night but still left feeling unfulfilled as you poke the muscular form.

Even with your condition, you’re not that dumb to not notice the stranger is in heat. What terrible timing, you think as you looked at him almost like a feral creature if anything with how red his face is as he pants away. Why hasn’t no one picked him up yet? Did he came alone? You can only wonder as you moved closer, frowning slightly at the stench of alcohol on his breath. Against the sickly pale yellow lights, he kinda reminded you of those helpless little strays that wander about your apartment funny enough, you don’t know why but maybe it’s the situation that’s making you feel a bit nostalgic today at the pitifulness of it all.

Musing, you considered with yourself… You don’t exactly have plans tomorrow and you can use up your paid leave if worst comes to worst.

You held in that small note of sadness inside your heart when no one tried to stop you as you lugged the man through the crowd and out the bar. Really, no one should be out like this, no matter who you are even if you’re freakishly tall and scary looking. Still, couldn’t anyone had the decency to sit him up against a wall or something so he’s doesn’t chock on his vomit or settle him down one of the bar’s couches? If you get killed later for inviting some weirdo into your home — well at least you don’t have to worry about going back to work again as you sigh, solemnly making a very slow walk back home down the cold streets.

Why does he have to be so heavy…

—

You didn’t had the nicest things to go comfort an omega during a heat but you piled whatever you had onto the living room floor and dragged him there, still knocked out thankfully enough as you went around fluffing and softening your hard floor with your blankets and pillows.

He’s actually quite adorable for the most part if anything, kinda like a sad dog if anything. As soon as you rolled him into the thing, immediately he was all smiles and purrs as you moved him around trying to clean away the sweat and dried slick all over his body with a spare towel as you removed his dirtied clothes. If anything, he was too complacent letting you move him around like a rag doll in the nest without any sort of struggle, though his kisses are a bit distracting if you can even call them that.

All teeth and spit, you can barely comprehend what he was doing with all the alcohol and heat stirring up his mind as you constantly push his head away so you can continue cleaning him up. But he’s lovely despite all the scars, if anything it’s a bit charming. But maybe that’s just the pathetic part of your brain talking wishing for someone to love you this easily as he curls his body around you for warmth.

Sometimes you’ll wake up to him crying in a fit at you, just nipping at your ears annoyingly all because you had to crawl away for a few moments and give him some painkillers for his aches and feeding him with whatever left you had in your fridge so he don’t starve. Thank goodness to whoever made for takeout a thing. Some words you can make out from his sobs is how they constantly want you to touch them, small demands of them wanting your body touching them in any sort of way so they know you won’t leave them whenever you’re held in the nest with him.

You don’t mind, if anything you enjoy being relied on as he chirps whenever you kiss down his scarred body absolutely soaking in all the attention because no, you’re not going to fuck the guy while he’s drunk and in heat but this is the only way to settle him down enough to stop asking you due to his delirium and drink some water. The last thing you want is him passing out because you were neglectful in your care. Though him ripping off your scent patches with your teeth was enough to stun you long enough to where he basically crushed you underneath his weight just nuzzling away at your nape and huffing at it like an addict. Why? Because he got fussy every time you said “no” to claiming him every hour or so while baring his neck. Can’t you see how sweetly he’s presenting for you? How good of an omega he will be for you?

It had been a week since he had stayed in your apartment, and for today you have to deal with him whining at you to do it anything only to be constantly denied. It quite easy to ignore his requests with your problems since you don’t really get ruts anymore because of your problem which he doesn’t seem to understand every time you try to tell him as he paws at your waistband grumbling seeing how soft you still are. He’ll even be a brat and start grinding onto the various blankets or against your leg trying to tempt you into fucking him as he presents himself letting the slick dribble down his legs only for you to go start cleaning him up again.

Fortunately for Nikto, you had caused an accident by holding his nape a little too firmly one day in order to calm him down so he can eat but maybe nails was a bit similar to teeth with nails as before you know it, he released a puddle onto your freshly laced towels and promptly passed out with nothing more than a squeeze. You felt guilty about it but the man can only hum happily just enjoying the rush of excitement jittering though his nerves as he trembles enjoying the break from the pain racking through his muscles as he cries at you to call his name and praise him as if he was yours.

Yeah, you are definitely in it for the long run as you rub your hand over his choppy hair, simply too amused at this too big silly omega trying to squeeze onto your lap for more cuddles during aftercare saying something about how they demand you to squeeze him hard against your chest.

Your heart did broke however when you woke up to him missing without any trace of a note left anywhere for you to read. But is it still strange how you don’t seem bothered by this new presence following you home every night and walking home knowing your apartment had been broken into with your clothes and blankets disappearing every so often only to be returned back with a demand for you to wear them again something you had laughed at. Maybe because you know it’s him at the end of the day being a brat.

Hell, you even splurged a bit on ingredients to cook for the man as everytime you leave a plate at your table, you’ll eventually find it empty with a small note full of his little comments and critique on some scraped pieces of paper.

What a weirdo. A lovable weirdo at that.

—

There’s not many things that surprise Nikto at this age but waking up in someone’s home was the last thing he could had expected from his stunt at the bar as the last lingers of heat faded away, he never knew it was possible to stuff this many pillows and blankets in a nest but hadn’t complained as he shifted his body around absolutely purring away at the smell of an alpha surrounding him just doing big stretches around the mountains of comforts and too rubbed his scent all over the softness around him.

Forgive him, he was a bit stupid from heat so it took him an embarrassing amount of time before he realized he can feel the cushion against his cheek. Like a bullet, quickly he run his hand over his face only to realize the lack of weight over it as he groaned into the fuzzy blanket.

Okay… so this person already saw his face and didn’t him out yet, he figured.

He ignored the slight flutter in his chest as he rubbed at his cheeks unable to take in the shame of this situation as he tried to recollect his memories lost within the heights of his hear. Distantly he can remember waking in and out of conscious to the sensations of someone feeding him, wiping his sweat away, and tucking and cuddling him as he whines at them to come fuck him only to be hushed at much to his frustrations at you.

You must like him enough to do all of this for, right? Even letting him continuously come into your life knowing he’s there and feeding and supplying him with your clothes. That’s courtship, no?

So who’s to say you should be surprised when you found yourself gagged and tied up in his basement cuddled in his nest after coming home late one day bruised from being mugged late because he got tired of you overworking yourself for your neighbors and being endangered.

You may had been the one to find him but he’s keeping you all to himself.

[moralesluvr]

IDFC | BILLIE EILISH.

୧ ‧₊˚ your best friend comes home drunk again, and you realize that hiding your love for her is dawning on you more than you thought.

pairings & aus. billie eilish x fem!reader warnings. angst & nothing but it | unrequited love | no happy ending (but do tell if you want a part two...) author's note. hello second upload of the day!! (this is so unlike me) but i had this revolutionary idea while listening to idfc by blackbear...so here's this very angsty fic lmao! enjoy! word count. 2.7k

falling in love with your best friend has got to take the cake for the ‘dumbest shit i’ve ever put myself through’ award, you think.

you didn’t mean for it to happen— of course not, and it all happened so quickly that you didn’t realize how deep you were in it until months later.

you and billie had became friends in an odd way, you knew someone who knew claudia and of course, billie did too— so the both of you mingled at her birthday party a couple years back, when the both of you were just shy of eighteen.

nobody could seperate the two of you if they tried, and that trait carried on with you and billie until you stepped into adulthood. moving in together seemed like such a good idea in the past— you two were tight, and billie wanted to live separately from her family now— it should’ve been so easy, right?

well no, of course not.

before meeting billie, you assumed that you were straight. but as teenagers, that when lines start to get blurred and things start to mess with your head, and you would sometimes catch yourself staring at her for a little too long, or your heart twisting whenever she texted you.

it killed you to fall in love with billie. it was painful and long, and with every day that passed— she only made it worse.

because she was billie eilish, she would unintentionally flirt with you, but that’s because she did it with everyone, of course she wasn’t going to treat you any differently. she always called you nicknames like ‘baby’ and ‘mama’, which wouldn’t have bothered you that bad if you understood the friendly connotations behind it. but you wanted her to be yours so damn badly, and every time she called you anything but your name, it made your skin fiery to the touch.

but the worst of the worst, god— the thing that’ll haunt you forever, was when she had kissed you in your shared apartment after your 20th birthday. compared to her at the time, you were much more innocent, and hadn’t hardly kissed anyone in your entire life. and with your own speculation that you may not be strictly into men, you had drunkenly asked her to take your ‘girl kiss virginity’ away, and she obliged like it was nothing.

you didn’t like the kiss at all. not because she wasn’t a good kisser— she was a damn good one, but it was because the kiss was deep and passionate, and her hands were roaming all over your body as one kiss turned to two, and two turned to three, and you don’t even know how long the both of you were wrapped in each other until she complained that she was tired and that she was going to go to sleep.

it made you feel like shit. she had slipped out of your room and left you lonesome, and you brushed your fingertips over your lips to try to make sense of what just happened. you had just made out with your best friend, which wasn’t the issue, the issue was that you liked it.

you eventually had to pick a side, if you were going to let your little crush get in the way of friendship, or if you were just going to sweep all of those romantic feelings under the rug. and that’s exactly what you did— you pretended like it didn’t hurt when she would get into relationships, or come to you asking for help to plot on someone she wanted to be with.

you were just being a good best friend by helping her out. she would always ask you why you didn’t ever date, and you just made up some lame excuse about how that wasn’t what interested you. which wasn’t entirely a lie, it didn’t interest you, because only she did.

in current time, it’s half past two in the morning when billie stumbles through the door of your shared apartment, keys jingling on her carabiner against her jean-clad thigh when her eyes meet yours. you’re sitting idle at the kitchen island with a bowl of cereal in your hand, clad in nothing but a pair of billie’s boxers and a lacy white tee. you shoot her an inquisitive look, “where have you been dude? it’s like, two in the fucking morning, and i’ve barely seen your face all day.”

she gives out a nonchalant shrug, closing the door with her foot, and you can just tell by her sluggish body language that she’s anything but sober. she’s smiling too much and not talking enough, and when billie gets like that, it’s usually because she’s had a couple of drinks.

you’ve been out all night, don’t know where you’ve been, youre slurring on your words, not making any sense— but i don’t fucking care.

“where have you been, billie?” you ask her, dropping your spoon in your empty bowl as you looked at her, waiting on your answer.

she’s moving so slow that it starts to piss you off, and she just gives you another drunken shrug with a wave of her hand, “don’t worry a-about it, mama, just..a l-little get together.”

the nickname that she gives you makes your skin crawl, and you slide off of your stool and grab your phone, placing your bowl in the sink without saying a word billie. you don’t have the energy to entertain her shit tonight, so you walk up the stairs quietly, slamming your room door in contrast to your silence.

you don’t expect her to bother you for the rest of the night, but billie being billie, she unsolicitedly opens your bedroom door, leaning against the door frame with one arm resting above her head, the other at her side, holding a cup of juice.

“what did you do…tonight?” billie’s words are choppy, and you try your best to not pay any mind to her. usually when she’s drunk, you’d take such good care of her, getting her into comfier clothes and letting her sleep in your bed. but you were irritated now, and you tried your best to fight the urge to be your usual, hospitable self.

“nothing, i waited on your ass to get back so i could sleep.” you responded coldly to her, walking over to your dresser to grab a hoodie to slip on. your eyes scanned the array of clothing, and you bit your lip when you realized that all the clean hoodies you had belonged to billie.

you pretended like it didn’t bother you and grabbed a gray essentials hoodie, pulling it over your head and fixing the hood, “i’m gonna go to sleep, so…”

billie sunk into the oak wood of your door, and of course, when you turn your head for five seconds, she slips and falls straight to the floor.

“fuck!”

you quickly whipped your head around, and you wanted so badly tonight to just keep to yourself and not deal with billie’s shenanigans, but you couldn’t control yourself as you ran over to her, kneeling down and grabbing her face. her eyes were closed like she was asleep, and you tapped her cheek lightly but frantically, “bils? talk to me, are you awake?”

“i-i’m fine.” billie breathes out after a couple of moments, sitting up with her back pressed against the wall. she lets out a deep sigh that makes you let out one in relief.

even though you spoke against it at first, you were determined now to put her to bed safely. you offered her your water bottle that was on your dresser as you promised her that you’d be back, venturing out into the hallway and stepping into your bathroom.

you drew a hot bath for billie the way she liked it, leaving a change of clothes on the toilet, paired with a towel.

your blood was pumping adrenaline through your veins so hard that you could feel it heat your forehead. you weren’t even angry anymore— you just felt weak now, upset with the fact that billie always seemed to have this hold over you.

you loved her too much. it was becoming an issue now, but there wasn’t anything you could do or say, so the only option you had was to stay silent and suck it up. and although it hurt, really damn badly, those were your only options.

so you walked back into your bedroom and helped billie to the tub that waited for her, helping her strip out of her clothes that reeked of burberry perfume and tequila. her shirt was now discarded on the floor along with her pants, and the only thing she was in now was her bra and underwear.

of course, billie being your best friend— you’ve seen her naked plenty of times, but it still shocks you a little when she slips out of her undergarments, sinking into the bathtub, resting her head on the side of it.

“will you stay and talk to me?” billie murmurs, a little more sober now, and you nod silently, sitting crossed legged on the floor next to her.

it takes everything in you not to kiss her right now. she’s resting her head on her arms and looking at you with soft, tired eyes, her eyelashes drooping as she fought against sleep. her lips were pink and a little swollen, and she parts them to whisper lowly, “i’m….sorry.”

“sorry for what, billie?”

silence hangs in the air for a second until you hear her move in the water, taking a loofah and lavender scented body wash. she starts with her arms, head leaned against the wall behind her, “such a mess. i am— i-i’m sorry that you…have to put up with my shit.”

“it’s okay.” you mutter silently, “i do it because i love you.”

that makes billie smile, yet she’s got no idea that the love you’re describing is so much deeper than either of you could ever imagine. but you mask it well, flashing her a fake and small smile, throwing your head back to rest it on the toilet seat lid.

you honestly start to fall asleep until you hear the water drain, and billie grabs her towel and clothes behind you as you rub your eyes, jolting awake.

there’s no talking between the two of you. you just wait until she’s done putting on her t-shirt and sweats and when she’s ready, you lead her back to your bedroom instead of her own. you didn’t trust her to be alright on her own, so you let her sleep in your bed.

when you turn all of the lights off, billie climbs into bed next to you, her face so close to yours that your noses are almost touching.

her hand touches yours for a brief moment, “thank you…for always taking c-care…of me. i love you, y/n.”

billie falls asleep before you can even reply, and you eventually do the same, a tear slipping down your cheek silently.

the morning after is quiet, too quiet. the kind of quiet that presses against your chest and makes you want to scream just to break it. billie is still asleep when you wake up, her face turned toward you, the sunlight peeking through the blinds casting lines across her freckled skin. her lips are slightly parted, her breathing soft, and it makes your chest ache in that stupid way it always does when you look at her for too long.

you slide out of bed as carefully as you can, trying not to wake her, but even in her sleep, she stirs when you move. her hand stretches out to the space you just left, searching for you instinctively. it’s not fair how effortlessly she makes you feel like you belong to her, even when she doesn’t mean to.

the kitchen is the only refuge you have. you busy yourself making two cups of coffee, your hands shaking just enough to make it hard to pour the water into the machine. every sound feels too loud—the clink of the mug against the counter, the hum of the coffee pot, the low groan of the fridge door as you open it. your head is swimming with the memory of last night—her drunk apologies, the way her voice broke when she called herself a mess, and how much you wanted to hold her and never let go.

but you can’t. because she doesn’t love you like that.

she shuffles into the kitchen a while later, her hair a mess and her hoodie hanging off one shoulder. she looks like chaos wrapped in comfort, and it’s unfair how effortlessly beautiful she is. she rubs her eyes, leaning against the doorway as she watches you. “morning, mama,” she says, her voice still scratchy from sleep.

you don’t even bother correcting her nickname this time. it’s a battle you’ll never win. “morning,” you mutter, sliding a mug of coffee across the counter toward her.

she takes it, wrapping her hands around the warm ceramic, and gives you a soft smile. it’s the kind of smile that would make anyone else’s heart flutter, but for you, it just feels like a weight. “you didn’t have to do all that for me last night, you know,” she says quietly, her eyes downcast.

“it’s fine, billie,” you reply, your voice more clipped than you intend. “you were drunk. i couldn’t just leave you like that.”

she frowns, her brow furrowing like she’s trying to figure you out. “are you mad at me?”

you laugh bitterly, shaking your head. “no, billie. i’m not mad at you. i’m mad at….myself.”

her frown deepens, and she sets the mug down on the counter. “but why? you didn’t do anything wrong.”

her response makes you want to scream. you want to tell her everything, every little thought that’s been eating away at you for months, years even. but instead, you bite your tongue, because you can’t risk losing her. so you lie, like you always do. “forget it. it’s nothing.”

she doesn’t believe you—of course she doesn’t. but she doesn’t push, which almost makes it worse. because deep down, you wish she cared enough to dig. you wish she could see past the walls you’ve built up and realize that every time you look at her, it feels like your heart is breaking all over again.

the day passes in a blur of nothingness. billie spends most of it curled up on the couch, scrolling through her phone and occasionally singing along to whatever song is playing softly in the background. you try to distract yourself with chores, cleaning the apartment until your hands are raw from scrubbing. but no matter how much you busy yourself, your thoughts always circle back to her.

it’s late when she finally speaks again, her voice cutting through the silence like a knife. “do you ever feel like you’re…stuck?”

you glance up from where you’re folding laundry, startled by the vulnerability in her tone. “stuck how?”

“like…like you’re not where you’re supposed to be. like you’re waiting for something to happen, but it never does.”

your throat tightens, because that’s exactly how you’ve felt since the day you realized you were in love with her. “yeah,” you admit quietly. “i know what that feels like.”

she doesn’t say anything else, but her eyes meet yours across the room, and for a moment, it feels like she’s trying to tell you something without words. but then she looks away, and the moment is gone.

later, when she’s fallen asleep on the couch, you sit beside her, watching the rise and fall of her chest. the lyrics to “idfc” play in your head like a cruel mantra: “tell me pretty lies, look me in my face, tell me that you love me even if it’s fake.”

you reach out, brushing a strand of hair from her face, your fingers lingering for just a second too long. “i love you, billie,” you whisper, your voice barely audible over the sound of her breathing.

but she doesn’t hear you. and maybe that’s for the best. because no matter how much it hurts, you’ll keep pretending. you’ll keep being her best friend, her safe place, even if it kills you. because as much as you wish she could love you back, you’d rather have her like this than not at all.

and so you sit there, the weight of your unspoken feelings pressing down on you, and you let the tears fall silently, knowing that tomorrow, nothing will have changed.

[darlingshane]

Dumb & Poetic

Michael Berzatto x F!Reader

Summary: Michael and you cannot communicate anymore without screaming at each other, but you've managed to keep that out of the workplace. Except for today. Your argument reaches a boiling point, and you have a big blowout in the kitchen in front of everyone. You end up apologizing to each other at the end of the day in the only way you know how to.

CW: +18, explicit, heavy angst, complicated relationships in the workplace, smut, vaginal sex, hate sex, making out, misogynistic comments.

Word Count: 2,2k

— Links: AO3 // Michael Masterlist

The kitchen is on fire, and it's not because everyone is working their asses off. It's only because of the heated argument you're having with Michael.

If your hands weren’t busy with the sandwich you’re making, you would definitely close your fist and sock him in the face. You don’t condone violence, but right now, he's earning himself a good punch. Breaking his nose could be the only thing that would stop him from relentlessly nagging at you while you work. There's fire in your knuckles already, itching to hit something. Anger is really starting to fester in your stomach as he keeps yapping in your ear about nonsense. You give him one more minute before you either swing your fist or quit altogether. It'd be pretty funny to leave him in the lurch with the show full of people anxiously waiting for their food. You're understaffed, overworked, and lacking better management. He knows it, you know it, everyone and their mother in the neighborhood knows it. And yet, Michael refuses to listen to reason. The only thing he loves listening to is himself talking.

If you had other options, you’d certainly drop what you’re doing and walk right out the door. It'd take you to be as much of an asshole as he is to just leave him stranded today. Unfortunately, you can’t afford the luxury of quitting this job.

Turning heads on your way, you yell at each other, going back and forth between everyone working tiredly on the tight kitchen space. It's not unusual for you to fight, but today there's a time bomb ticking that holds something inside more complicated than any of you can understand.

You knew mixing business and pleasure was a mistake. Yet you jumped, eyes closed. It serves you right, you're hitting your head against the bottom of the pool for not following your gut. You knew Michael was trouble, also your boss, and that didn't stop you from getting into bed with him.

Now everything is a mess. You can't communicate without screaming at each other. All the back and forth between being together and apart has burned the last bridge between you and Michael, and there's nothing you can do to fix it when he's not willing to do his part in helping you.

“Orders are piling up. You either move out of the way, or join the party. So help me God, Michael.” You throw your knife with disdain into the sink before you do something you might regret.

“You still haven’t answered my question. Why did you change the menu without telling me?”

“I tried! I called you ten times, and you never picked up. And I didn’t change the menu. I just added a special for the weekend to try it out. See, it’s working.” You use your hand to point at the kitchen window crowded by heads on the other side. “You said you were leaving for two days, and you were gone for over a week. You think that’s normal, to go on a bender and leave us to fend for ourselves? You got orders, bills, vendors to deal with… You're being fucking irresponsible. Has anyone told you that? ”

“Give me a damn break. You have no idea what I have to deal with. You've been working here two days and act like they own the place. Who the fuck you think you are?”

“I've been here two years, Michael! Two fucking years carrying your sorry ass around. You’ll be lost without me, asshole!”

“I'd be lost without you? That's rich.” He scoffs loudly. “I taught you everything you know.”

Now it's your time to snort. “You showed me how to make your stupid sandwiches. It's not like you taught me how to cure cancer. You should be grateful I care enough to do something about it.”

“It wasn’t your place! You added chicken to my menu. Beef. We serve beef.” He points at the logo on the shirt he's wearing. “Can't you read, sweetheart? If we start serving chicken, people are gonna get confused.”

You roll your eyes intently.

“I told you, it's just for the weekend, Mr. Beef.” You have to hold yourself back from throwing the wrapped sandwich in your hands at him.

“Yo, cousin, since when we do chicken specials.” Richie walks in, protesting, from the front of the shop.

“Ask the smartass here. Thinks she knows better than all of us.”

“Well, I don't know about smart, but she certainly has a good ass.” Richie laughs.

“Oh, look at your other half agreeing with you. What a surprise! That's sexual harassment, by the way, Richard. And you're late, as usual.”

“Take it to the police, sweetheart.”

You feel like you're the one who's taking this place more seriously than both of them. Perhaps you shouldn't even try anymore. If Michael doesn't care enough to make this place better, why should you? You're sick of busting your ass for nothing. You should just take a step back and let him drive this hole further into the ground.

Done with arguing with someone who doesn't even listen, you turn around and go start on the next order.

“Hey, I'm not done talking to you.” He, of course, follows behind you.

“Well, I am. Stop wasting my fucking time.”

“Not until you apologize for going over my head and changing things around without consulting me.”

You almost burst into laughter.

“The only one who needs to issue an apology is you, Michael. Not me. I've done nothing but bringing life into this fucking dark hole you've created. You're just too obtuse to see that.”

“You've got some fucking nerve. And who do you think is paying for all the chicken you ordered? Did you get a new vendor?”

“I know a guy. He got me a discount on the first order.”

“Really? Vendors I know don't usually do that. Did you have to suck his dick or something? Cause that's the only—”

He can't finish his sentence because before you know it, the back of your hand is swiftly flying across his face. All that vitriol that was boiling inside, begging to get out, ends plastered on his cheek that quickly turns red. Your knuckles hurt from hitting his jaw, but it was worth it.

Suddenly, you notice almost everyone in the kitchen is looking at the two of you, caught in the middle of the space in a standoff.

It takes him a second to tell everyone to go back to work. You can see him fuming, but he doesn't respond or retaliate to your aggression.

As much as he deserved it, you almost regret it immediately. At least you got him to shut up for the time being. You take a ten-minute break and finish the rest of your shift without more altercations or Michael pestering you, thankfully. You're not sure if you want to come back tomorrow. You're done with his shit. It's not worth it anymore. You'll have figured out something else, cause this is never going to get better, and today was proof of that.

Almost everyone is gone when you decide to have a word with Michael after closing.

“Hey,” you say, standing by the open door to his office as he looks up from the pile of papers on his desk. “I'm going to take a couple of days off from my vacation days.”

“Yeah, I think that'd be best.” He agrees.

“Are you going to fire me?”

“It has crossed my mind.”

“Well, are you?”

“Sit down” He motions at the empty chair while he stands up to close the door behind you.

“I'm not sitting down. I'm tired of arguing with you and I wanna go home. Just tell me, Michael. No hard feelings. We'll go our separate ways, and you'll never have to deal with me again. ”

“I'm not firing you, okay? Please sit. I have something to say.”

Begrudgingly, you sigh and sit in the chair with your arms crossed while he leans on the edge of the desk.

“Look, today got out of hand, and I'm sorry for my part. I shouldn't have said that.”

“It was way out the line. But I shouldn't have slapped you, either.”

“Did it feel good to slap me?” his lips pull up at the corners.

“Maybe a little.”

You both smile for a moment, but you know there's more to say.

“I appreciate you helping here, but you can't make decisions like that when I'm gone. You should have told me first.”

“You never listen, Michael. This isn't something new. I've been telling you for months. This place needs to change, or you're going to lose it. I thought it meant something to you, but hell, what do I know? But don't worry, I'm butting out from now on. It's your business, do what you want with it.”

“I highly doubt you can do that, sweetheart. You and I both know you won’t be able to stay out of it. You just love being a pain in my ass too much.”

No, you're done for sure. If he can't at least meet you halfway, you're done trying. You can't fix this place cause you can't fix him. And that's the main issue here.

“Believe what you want, Michael.” You stand up to leave, but he's surely not even close to being done with you.

“Wait, there's something else I gotta say.”

“What?”

He steps closer in your direction, and you almost flinch when he brings his hand up to touch your face. Sighing, you let him cup your face while he leans in to kiss your mouth. It's so puzzling the effect he has on you. It’s dumb and poetic. He keeps fucking with your head like it’s some kind of fetish, and you keep letting him for no reason other than you can’t help but caring for him. You wish you didn’t, but you do love him more than you’d like to admit.

“Your lips are moving, but I don't hear any talking,” you mumble against his kiss.

“Hm, I wasn't done yet,” he licks his lips and then the tip of his tongue traces the shape of your mouth before sliding past your lips to do his talking. You don't give in so easily to his dirty antics. He's going to have to earn it.

It takes you a moment to respond to the bidding of his tongue that moves slowly against yours, begging you to kiss him back.

You should know better by now that this won't end well. This is a path you've walked many times before, and every time you end up regretting ever stepping onto it. You should duck, run, kick him in the balls, but you’re far too deep into the mind-numbing rhythm of his tongue that casts an impossible spell on you to do anything but argue with your tongue. As the heat rises, the hunger of your lips locking becomes unbearably hot to handle. You can barely breathe when you notice his hands roaming all over your body, claiming it as if it was his.

“God, I hate you so much,” you grunt into the kiss, pulling slightly from his mouth to see the vicious red that has plumbed his lips.

“I hate you more, baby,” he huffs, sucking your bottom lip between his teeth as he presses his crotch between your legs. “That’s how much I despise you.”

“Not as much as I do.” You undo the buttons of your jeans before grabbing his hand and shoving it into your panties to make him feel how soaked you are already.

Dark eyes lock with yours as he viciously massages your whole pussy. Before you know, you’re turning your back on him, and bending over his desk, pulling your pants and underwear down so he can fuck you from behind.

There’s no time wasted, as you brace your elbows to the table, he smoothly buries his cock in your opening, collecting all your juices. He’s hard, and you're soft in all the right places for him to thrust firmly without hurting you. His hands grip your ass while the pace of his hips quickly drive you out of your mind. You feel every stroke and thrust rippling through your body, kindling a fire within your core. You glance over your shoulder to see him darkly staring at you before smacking your ass with his palm.

“How do you like that now, huh?” He snarls, slapping your ass a second time harder, earning a moan out of you. “Yeah, I know that’s how you like it, sweetheart.”

You then hang your head and let him drive you closer to the edge. You can feel his cock twitching inside you as you send one of your hands between your legs to touch your clit.

“What? You got nothing to say now?” He leans forwards to grunt in your ear. “Good. You look prettier with your mouth shut.”

“Fuck you, asshole,” you moan as his hand follow the path of yours to helps you take care of your clit as you both nearly touch that last final line.

With the help of his fingers, and those final firm erratic thrusts, you quickly come undone, letting your walls flutter around him, bringing him down with you. He spills himself inside, holding on to you as you and him are momentarily taken by that jolt of bliss that ripples from his body to yours and vice versa.

— credits: divider by @bernardsbendystraws

[twopoppies]

https://www.tumblr.com/twopoppies/768685561855787008/about-ts-theres-a-lot-of-larries-who-are-also?source=share

Hi Gina!! Sorry for diverting from the topic, but can you please tell me why people are so repulsed by Eleanor? I'm not exactly new here and I've been through the threads about her problematic behaviour during the early days like calling fans names and the whole racist bit she did with her friend (I personally took extra offense to that as an Indian woman) but I also think that she was very young back then and people do stupid shit when they're in their early twenties and don't always apologize for it even when they know better later (not an excuse, just saying that it was a long time ago).

Now I'm not saying that she's for sure a better person now or whatever, I wouldn't know honestly as I don't follow her. But I found her alright during Elounor 2.0 (I joined in 2021) like she posted him sometimes (gave good content honestly), they got papped here and there, when he toured she attended a couple shows. It was all quiet lowkey and straightforward as far as I know (except for the whole airport arrest scandal).

I also struggle with the idea of hating someone just because they're a beard (though a lot of those people end up exhibiting toxic traits seperate from the arrangement), because for that person it's a job/opportunity to further their career, they're not the ones closeting or oppressing the closeted artist. If not her than it would've been someone else just as easily.

I guess my question is, did I miss something here, did she do something during the last few years that warrants such hate? Or is it mostly because of her earlier problematic behaviour + the fact that she was a beard at all?

I ask because I think comparing her to OW (the most horrible ever) might be a bit excessive based on my current knowledge of her.

Thank you in advance!!

I don’t actually know anyone “repulsed” by her. She was hated in the first incarnation of Elounor—in part because some things she supposedly did that were racist/mean. But I think most of it has to do with how miserable Harry and Louis always looked and how she was used as a tool to keep them in line (which was the label/management’s doing).

I think there was this overall perception during the band years that she enjoyed upsetting Harry and that she had done some shitty things to him. Plus, there was a general consensus that her presence was emblematic of their closeting. So when they broke up in 2015 not long after all the craziness of 2014 and the big gay war, fans were really hopeful it was a good sign.

Of course, then we got party boy Louis and babygate. So, be careful what you wish for.

Elounor 2.0 was very different. Louis seemed to be in control of things this time and he looked far less miserable (although not exactly thrilled) and she was so low-maintenance as a beard. Other than the fucking E tattoo that he was forced to talk about incessantly (along with “me little lad” nonsense) in 2017, she basically made a few posts and showed up for a few shows and walked the dogs. She didn’t bother me in the least.

[feng-shui71]

Hey there ol buddy ol pal. LOVING your Wesker OC x canon. Adoring it even. I kick my feet for every new post about them I see.

I'm DYING to know what happened to Jordan after Wesker's death in RE5, or if you believe Wesker made it out alive and picked her up covered in lava a week later.

AHHH THANK YOU OF COURSE small warning it’s extremely long, it covers the end of Re5 as well. I added drawings at the end, skip to those if you’re not willing to read this entire ramble I went on ^^ work is under the cut as usual. Not proofread:

Okay so first of all right after Re5 she’s devastated. She’s on the helicopter cradling her head in her hands as everyone else is relieved that Wesker is finally dead. She knows he deserves it, she knows it’s just years worth of built up karma coming back to bite him in the ass, she should be happy. Wesker is an evil, evil man, she really shouldn’t be in love with him after everything, hell, he’s even hurt her, both unintentionally or not. But despite this, despite everything, she does, she always did and god it hurts like a bitch. It feels like the aftermath of Arklay all over again, except this time he’s gone, for real this time. She will never help him up in the morning, raking her fingers through his blond locks, styling it into pristine slicked back pompadour. She will never hear his smooth crooning voice that always managed to make the hairs on the back of her neck stand. She’s left heartbroken once more, without her husband, and her children, without a father.

The ride back is extremely tense. Chris and Jordan refuse to speak to eachother, resentment between the two parties forbidding them to do so. They’re both relieved, don’t get me wrong, they’re best friends, however they’re both pissed. Chris feels betrayed, Jordan had been presumed dead since before the Spencer Mansion Incident, but low and behold she’d been alive this whole time?? with HIM?? he knew she acted a bit too eager to hunt him down. The B.S.A.A. shouldn’t have sent her. To top it off, the fact she hadn’t even tried to help Jill? try to get ahold of him? anyone? It made him mad just thinking about it. Jordan on the other hand, is going through a whirlwind of emotions right now. She’s enraged at Chris, hell, he just killed her husband, however guilt, guilt is really what’s gnawing at her brain right now, especially since she’s trapped in a chopper for however long while everyone inside of it is beyond pissed at her. The first thing she does is apologize profusely to Jill, whom the other accepts very reluctantly, probably only because Jordan would talk to her P30 puppet every so often. When you’re alone almost 24/7 missing your friends and family it’d only be natural to try to talk to one of them since they’re in the vicinity, albeit a hollow shell of them.

Half of these conversations were tear-filled apologies, choked sobs as Jordan held Jill’s cold face, wishing she could do something about it. Other times Jordan would sit down and try to talk to her, catch her up on how her day was going, try to see if she could pull the old Jill out of her, conversations about S.T.A.R.S. and such were common here. Going over memories of a past life. Jill doesn’t blame Jordan for it, hell, the memory is foggy, but the first time Wesker had brought Jill into that wretched facility the two had gotten into a huge fight over it, the woman exclaiming how this was unacceptable and cruel, there is a line with Wesker’s plans that she’s willing to put up with, however Jill’s enslavement is one of them. The entire eugenics project itself had already put him on thin ice. Every single argument over Jill after that, Jordan’s arms were laced with bruises and things of that sort, Wesker by all means never hit her physically, however his iron grasp sure did leave a mark. Jill shivers at the memory upon recollection.

Overall Jordan is a complete mess, her last few years had been .. pretty horrible to say the least but at the very least she always had her Albert there with her. Adjusting to life after him is extremely hard for her as Wesker manipulated her into codependency, she falls back into her self destructive habits that she’d long since weened off after her initial reunion with Wesker. Excessive smoking, whether it be weed or a pack of Marlboro blues, a lot of her time is spent out on the porch chainsmoking. This habit extends to alcohol as well, hard hitters such as Tequila or Whiskey. Hangovers are now a common occurance as she rots in her bed, sometimes waking up with her hand reaching over on the other side, only for it to be cold and empty. Barry and Jaiden try their best to visit, try to get her out the house to break her isolation. Jaiden spends days on end sleeping over just to keep his sister company, sometimes he feels like he failed her, he should’ve been there for her more. It puts a horrible taste in his mouth to see his once very charismatic and extroverted sister become so.. broken, her light dimmed from everything that has happened to her. Jordan has a headstone made for Wesker and buries an empty casket in his bodys place, just to keep his memory alive. Every weekend she picks up his favourites: a bottle of Pinot Noir, Jack Daniels and some primroses from the local flowershop down the street. She sits against it , adorning the resting place with the flowers and alcohol, and just talks about her day, as if he’s still there. Over time she starts to feel better, starts to move on and reconnect with her loved ones again, reconnect with Chris and Jill. However this weekly visit is the only thing from her mourning period that carries over. She loves him, she really does.

That’s what like .. mainly happens if we’re sticking to the canon, where he’s actually y’neow, fucking dead. However let’s say he isn’t:

A few weeks after the events of Re5, Wesker shows up to her humble abode covered in ash and igneous rock. He’s injured all over and honestly not doing too good, every move of his muscles is excruciating and lacerations cover his body from head to toe. Jordan is extremely shocked and relieved to see him, yet harbors feelings of anger. Like, yeah you deserved that you idiot, what were you thinking? despite this, her love towards him makes her stay, helping to rehabilitate him. Wesker however, is kinda pissed and also! extremely humiliated. His plans are foiled once again by that fucking Redfield and to top it all off, he’s being nursed back to health as if he were a kicked puppy. I like to think during all of this, Wesker learns some emotional maturity, everything starts to click for him. For once in his life he actually starts to feel .. guilt, he feels sorry, time after time he’d put Jordan through hell, yet here she was, with him. It really makes him stop and reflect. He starts to atone for his sins, trying his best to treat Jordan better, whether it be biting his tongue to not say some ill-mannered quip or just surprising her with her favourite flowers; hydrangeas and roses. I like to think after Re5 if Wesker survives they live a simple domestic life, no more grandiose plans or fighting bioterrorism for either of them. Being with each other is enough.

Oh also Wesker still probably has control of Uroboros, I think he uses it to do things when he’s too lazy, like grabbing the remote when he’s couch-locked. When they’re sleeping they wrap around her without him realizing. Jordan gave each and every tendril a name also, one of them is named Paul. Paul is her favourite.

doodles:

[angeleris-artist]

Eulogy from a fan

MCR has been my favourite band for 20 years now. Maybe I’m weird, but I love their music to the point where I have trouble just putting on one of their songs casually or placing one of their songs on a playlist with multiple artists. I like to listen to their albums in full, or at least have a rotation going specifically of just their vast and varied music. I adore just about all music, and they’re the only artist I do this with.

When I first fell in love with MCR—and I fell for them hard—they were a group of five: Gerard, Frank, Ray, Mikey, and Bob. 14-year-old me was absolutely crazy about all of them. I thought they were the coolest people in music, and any small piece of legit information about any of them got me so excited.

Before social media was standard, everything I learned about them I learned from interviews and performance footage. I’ve always remembered Bob as that silly and immensely talented blond guy in the group who was the only one not from New Jersey (Chicago). They did so many group interviews together, and behind-the-scenes music video specials for Fuse, and Bob was always smiling and laughing with the rest of them. They were clearly a family of many talents, and Bob got to finally showcase what he was capable of on The Black Parade.

There is no understating how memorable and standout the drums are on The Black Parade. I don’t know the technical terminology and I’m definitely not a music student, but the drums on that album hit me in the heart, especially on Welcome to the Black Parade. Bob clearly knew what he was doing, loved what he was doing, and as far as the rest of us know, the only reason he wasn’t with My Chemical Romance to the end was because of issues with his wrists.

I loved Bob’s work so much, I went to the trouble of learning which songs on Danger Days had kept his contributions; not surprisingly, they were all my favourites on the album (Na Na Na, Bulletproof Heart, The Only Hope for Me is You, Party Poison, and Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back (my number one fav from DD)). I didn’t hear Conventional Weapons until after they’d broken up completely, but again every song was a banger and again Bob’s work was excellent.

I saw them live twice when Bob was in the band, but the only time I saw all five of them together on stage was in December 2005 (during their TBP tour, at least one of the band members was taking a break for health reasons when I saw them, but I don’t remember who). I’ll never forget how excited I was that first time I saw them, and I’ll never forget how much love I had for all five of them.

I’m not going to speculate about what happened. This is meant to be a respectful message about how much Bob meant to me as a fan during the height of MCR’s career. I’m writing all this knowing as much as the rest of the fan base about his passing, which isn’t much. I read that disgusting announcement by TMZ, same as all of you, and it made me so angry.

Within the first hour of the announcement of his passing, there were already (presumably AI-generated) compilation videos of Bob on YouTube. This is the only reason I’m not bothering to put a video together myself, I can’t compete with robots, so instead I’m here to say that Bob Bryar was and always will be one of the best drummers of the 2000s era of music, and whether you want him to be or not, he is iconic.

I was so sad when I heard he wasn’t in the band anymore, and I’m sad now. He deserved so much better, at the very least he deserved love and support, as we all do.

Rest In Peace Bob.

[wifegideonnav]

tbh when mitski said “you’re my best friend/now i’ve no one to tell/how i lost my best friend”

[reki-rixt]

Ok I’m just now finding out that apparently people COMPLAINED about Just Dance having lore??? Literally WHY??? Story mode took up what, 7 maps? AND THEYRE STILL FUN PLAYABLE MAPS!!! What exactly did people take issue with, and why was it so much of an issue that now people are speculating Story mode is no longer a thing????

[trashpremiium]

i wish i knew how to keep friends :( making friends is… hard, but doable. if i have a reason to be near someone and they’re amenable to my Autism Beam of infodumping, i can usually make them tolerate being around me for as long as that activity lasts.

but semesters end. mutual interests fade. activities wrap up. and then those people leave. not to say i’m not thankful for however long their friendship lasted, i just wish people were more likely to want to be friends because they liked me, not because i was a body near them to spend time with.