#particularly happy w/ this one
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Elly 🍎
#touhou#touhou fanart#Elly touhou#東方project#touhou project#artists on tumblr#illustration#touhou pc98#no way bad apple herself!!#particularly happy w/ this one
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yaa
#hfjone#liam plecak#amelia euler#hfjone backpack#hfjone scenty#scentpack#my art#ask to tag#i love them...#these two are vital to my health#a lot of these r half finished but ik i wont finish themm so#wahoo!#also cus its been a few days .. and i wanna posst the hfjones. ok?#i have posted a cuople art to my main but thyere not one related#nd i particularly am happy w the like#liam and amelia water thing one#i was going for Soemthing but idk if it came across and also i was listening to a song but idr what the song was#but! im happy w it :)#i like to draw them. they make me happy
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2023 Monaco Grand Prix - Qualifying - Fernando Alonso(ft. Max Verstappen & Charles Leclerc)
#having my own personal villain moment rn by listening to shostakovich's string quartet 8 while making these sdhjdkc iykyk#kidding kidding but i cant help but be a little bit morose but am very hopeful for tmr!!#okay now that im done i need to go ask my mom if i was screaming super loud hahaha#monaco yayyyyyy i love monaco guys :DDDDD its so funnnnnn#aston needs to drop that db12 vid btw WHERE IS IT#fernando alonso#fa14#max verstappen#charles leclerc#f1#formula 1#formula one#2023 monaco gp#2023 monaco grand prix#we do a little bit of f1#(i love max but aghhhh i am not particularly happy w him today)
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ahhh im so excited to share my ninjago fancasts w yall (not rly fancast cus im p sure only a couple of them are actors, it was based off age range and visuals). i just gotta figure out a way to format it since i have so many pics for all of them
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Mona’s renegade team!
Close ups in read more!
#pokemon rejuvenation#Mona’s last run#oc bracket#art#aughhhh why did I do this. no I know why I did this cause I wanted to but#my god this took a bit#can u tell that this team is very death themed?#it wasn’t even on purpose it just turned out like this#death and haunting.#also xenon has no shadow. Thats on purpose#the aevian forms were soooo fun to draw btw.#I had to learn how to draw bugs Real Fast Real Quick.#also I Love Blue Flames oughhhh I’m so happy w the blue flames#There’s a few other team members I debated to add on here. particularly one but I think this has enough presence For Now.#maybe I should do team spreads for my other ocs… hm…
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#i feel so isolated#i can talk to people#but it's hard for me to find someone i can genuinely connect with#hard for me to converse in interesting conversation with people i find interesting#i was in a group setting a while ago#talking w “friends” (not close friends; but still 'friends')#it was ok#the thing is#i don't particularly like my friends#like im not that invested. it's hard for me to find people i connect with enough to be invested in and vice versa#it's most likely a 'me' thing#i think its because of a lack of communication skills that its hard for me to find connection/make friends that i rlly like and etc#ironically the friends i do like are always extroverts and i always feel like i care more about them than they do#because they have sm friends whom they're close to and genuinely connected with meanwhile i struggle with even making 1 connection that#doesn't drain me/makes me happy/keeps me stimulated#so when i do find that 1 person i become attached and want to be closer to them#and when that happens idk i remind myself that they dont care for me as much#and i try not to be too clingy so as not to annoy them#i want to be closer to them though. we have our own friend groups but still#school for me is overall quite lonely. my 2 close friends are in another school#there's only a few people in class that i enjoy talking to#the only one (the 'main' one) that's my friend is the extrovert i mentioned a while ago#and for some reason im getting flashbacks or trauma from my past friendship#because as of now we're just classroom friends#and in my past friendship. i was also invested in that homegirl. but..we drifted apart T-T#its quite sad#i feel lonely#i want to be better at bond making and connections because#its miserable#vent
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every once in a while i have an interaction with a spider that goes completely chill like rn i was just vibing in bed when i felt one walking along my arm, in front of my phone screen and waddling off into the darkness without me really thinking anything of it & only after its done i realize that this makes me braver than half the US marines in the eyes of 70% of the population
#i think i even know this specific spider bc i keep seeing a similar sized one around the corner closest to my bed#i wonder where it was going. taking a nightly stroll#also for a bit of context i have a lot of plants in my house so i get tons of those tiny dirt flies#and when i sit w my phone up late theyre drawn to the light and bump into me so im used to light sensations on my skin#unless they get particularly annoying its just not worth it to bother w shooing them away#so i acted the same with the spider instinctively#if it's the same one then its happened like one or two times before where it walked over my hand while i was chilling here#after the initial 0.3 second surprise alert reaction im just happy to see it again if anything. he's my roomie#spiders cw#como misadventures
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i hate that duality that your mind can be your safe heaven that helps you get through some difficult things, keeps you going and brings you happiness at the worst of times. and at the very same time it could be your worst tormentor that won't let you rest and won't let you breathe, literally for no particular reason at all. and you can't leave or silence it. can't get it to stop when it gets dark in there. can't get the light in when you desperately need to feel a respite instead of suffocation.
#its so difficult#sometimes its too much to handle#yeah particularly today im just.. screaming internally#and the inability to do something YOU LOVE due to your brain having one of those bad days so everything feels fucking BAD is just so unfAIR#its frustrating#the only thing you can do is sob apparently#my room doesnt feel like my room anymore all i feel is fear and dread#i just dont understand why and how it came to this point i want out#nothing grounds me to reality or to my normal state and im afraid#instead of watch fav movie to get better ill count the duration time and decide thats its too long i dont have that much time#i will be painfully aware of numbers and wb scared of them and then ill just not move at all immobilized at place#i cant#all i could do is desperately bother my friends trying to connect to them and hiding that obvious ache#i dont have capacity to soothe myself with my favorite guys and gals from games and movies i dont feel anything at all#and i hate that but also i cant do anything im so idk what i feel like but like im not anything#i lost myself i lost my favorite things to do and my hobbies and my spark and everything i dont even know anymore#on small bad days you could conjure a good thoughts and watch somethinf and think about what makes you happy#theres a void in my head now that just counts and counts and counts and cant do nothing#i will just open up a chat w friends and look at empty textspace i want to connect so badly but i wont send anything just freeze still#i dont feel that im in here but i want badly to be here and yet i cant grasp anything to still keep myself real#and like i have a feeling that in next 2 hours I'll just vanish spmething bad will happn carcrash orso i cantbe spendin much timeon anythin#i hate this#suddenly your brain just want you dead and fills you with dread unimaginable and my dumbass thinks that it's right#that my brain is right and im inclined to believe in this shit. im not but deep down i kind of is so thats why this anxiety causes me probl#ms for the whole week i didnt done anything i just could not i want it to stop#its so sure of itself that i will pass away in couple of hours by unknown reasons that it imagined so why even try
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i adore thinking about the fucked up tpn stuff that was either not considered during the writing process or deliberately left unexplored.
tpn really said 'each house has about 6 shipments and receives about 6 new children to replace them each year. the minimum age a child can be shipped out is 6. tpn begins with conny's shipment in october, after which dominic is the only remaining 6 year-old at the house' without even considering the implications of that. how about 'we know literally nothing about anyone from the age group between anna+nat's and thoma+lanni's groups because theyre all gone by the time the story starts' also literally no one ever brings them up. or my personal favorite of 'isabella painstakingly hand-made little bunny for conny's 6th birthday. conny turned 6 in september, about a month before she was shipped out' like do you think isabella was at least a little pissed about that. i like to think she was
#skye's ramblings#its totally my love of unexplored side characters but. i do get a little unwell over dominic sometimes#like. hello??? its like a well-established thing that kids in the same age group usually have closer bonds w eachother than others#youare telling me. he watched all 5 of what were probably his closest friends leave in the span of a year. this is what you are telling me#i mean maybe yvette could be considered part of his age group since they were technically born the same year??#but her birthday is also literally new years eve n shes usually grouped in w the 5 year-olds as a result#also the shipment record in the anime says that hao and sadie were 6 but the 2 kids that left before them were 7#so maybe dominics age group was just particularly small but. he still watched them all leave in a very short amount of time#canot imagine how his conversation w don and gilda abt the escape went. god this series can fit so much childhood trauma in it#also w how close thoma and lanni are dominic and conny were also probably really close due to being the only ones left of their group#thinking abt don n dominic bonding amd sharing happy memories of conny. ijust live for older/younger gracefield kid interactions#also shamelessly stealing rachels hc of ray using his photograpic memory to share happy memories of everyone who died at gracefield#ithink dominic would really like hearing abt his friends from ray. especially happy/funny stuff he was too young to remember#and also literally any interaction w ray n the younger kids is everything to me. oh hes healing hes a good big brother... dont talk to me#'this is all most likely just a plothole' well where you see a plothole i see a GOLDMINE OF TRAUMA AND CHARACTER DYNAMIC EXPLORATION. anywa
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Tw for suicidal ideation!
When I was at my lowest thinking I'd die, I spent a lot of time thinking how 10 years past my death my loved ones would be okay. It would hurt initally but they'd be fine. And it only just now, 6 years later, occured to me that I never thought about what if / would become okay in that time frame.
Like obviously depression warps your thinking and I knew that, but it's blowing my mind that it never ONCE occured to me. The mental foreshortning thing is so insidious, and I cant even say that it wouldve helped to have this pointed out to me then, but damn. And I did become okay!! I became (mentally) better like 8 months out from that. Crazy!!!!
#tw suicide#this is a happy post I swear#also during this time was when I learned that ppl w chronic/possibly terminal health conditions have DIFFERENT CRITERIA for depression#mental health#N E way i think truly one of the signs of improving depression is imaginiation#particularly in the positive what if way#crazy that Im still struggling with the undoing of the mental foreshortning#again bc of the chronic health stuff rather than specifically depression but man#wild!!!
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hey i'm sorry this is going to sound incredibly parasocial but I always get so happy whenever you post about how happy you are or how much you love your gf idk maybe it's because seeing other queer people being happy just gives me a little hope for my future? idk lol but anyway that's all hope you have a nice day :)
STOPPP that’s so cute wait stop i’ll cry :( i totally understand you on that, seeing queer people happy and talking about their partners has alwaysss made me go !!!!! so i get you!! i’m really glad <333
#i think especially as a formerly repressed + struggling w internalised homophobia didnt figure out she was queer until she was 20 girlie#my life panning out the way it did and me finding the person who i know without a doubt is the love of my life#and being openly gay on here + irl#it just proved to me that if you stay the course you Will find what you’re looking for#i think it’s so easy to feel isolated and alone and hopeless if you’re queer and you dont particularly have queer people around you#- certainly was the case for me#so queer joy and queer love being openly showcased on social media makes me so so happy#also i just love talking about my girlfriend one of my favourite topics fr fr#this is like three different points in one tag ramble but fuck it im tired as hell and deliriously happy WAHOO!#valentina answers#anon my beloved
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i can't help but nerd out at fontaine's soundtrack, it's so gorgeous and well-crafted
i just stepped into the Palais Mermonia for the first time and the way i lit up hearing it unfold into a beautiful traditional canon... it sounds like something i would have heard back when i was studying in university
#genshin impact#music brain goes brrr at any and all genshin music#but considering the inspiration here it particularly tickles me#it just makes me so happy to hear something like this done so well#i also love how that canon isn't afraid to have some consonance between parts like the ones from back in the day#it just makes me so pleased. yu-peng chen you are a god among men#edit from many months later: i realize now that yu-peng chen had no involvement w fontaine's ost#my point still stands but also all of the other hoyo-mix artists do fantastic work as well and fontaine's music is stellar#keep it up y'all
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More matador!Fernando! Ferrari this time :D (I can't help myself.....)
- facial hair
+ closeups
I really wanted the vibe of this Nando pic, I think I did pretty well??
#GUYS THE BULL DO YOU NOTICE WHAT BULL DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE SUBTEXT DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY IMPLICATION#lmao tho i mostly put it there cause i saw this rly cool pic w the shadow of a bull on a matador's cape#i dont understand how i ended up making this one more intensive and detailed than the other#but im not mad cause i really like it aaahhhhhh#but i think this one took more than 6 hours and the other one was 5½?#and both i ended up working until an absolutely horrible time. dont ask me what time i wrote this post#okay btw i didnt draw that embroidery. thank you medibang pattern brush now beloved 🙏#i think it suits him!!!! i was thinking of doing stars anyways so I'm glad it worked out#two people id like to blame:#thank you 005 for accidentally reminding me of the sword!! im glad his other hand is not just idle :)#and thank you suzuki-ecstar for asking me at some point if id ever draw facial hair on nando#^ particularly the 3 Musketeers look. so thanks. i suddenly remembered and i had to draw it 😭#it kept shocking me how baby faced i drew him every time i took that layer off#also every time i worked on the suit red genuinely ceased being an actual color to me#its bright red right?? like very fluorescent?? but my brain kept going: is this too orange?? this isnt red right????#anyways happy with this!!!!! there were a lot more roadblocks than the other but it all worked out#but wow wish i had this level of diligence for yknow. schoolwork.#i can spend 6+ hours on a drawing straight but school? nah i give up every 20 mins or less fjfkkfl#also not abandoning my other aus or anything but i have a lot more ideas for this honestly#i think the ref pics are a lot easier and more interesting to find than for my other AUs#<- cause its so much more modern lmao. so i have a lot more inspo than trying to find ultra specific 18th century paintings#i wanna draw 3 things rn:#nando w the ceremonial cape. seb in a matador suit. and of course some silly vett//onso in this AU#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#catie.art.#fa14#matador au
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"Did she really think I would not know him? I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell. I would know him blind-- by the way his breaths came, and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world."
Patroclus (about Achilles)
&
"There are no bargains between lions and men. I will kill you and eat you raw."
Achilles (to Hector)
x. "The Song of Achilles", Madeline Miller
#The Song of Achilles#Madeline Miller#📚#i knew this book would break my heart&it did not disappoint lmaoooo. i regret nothing as w all of millers other works#this was beautiful&intense&this particular one made me sob LMAO. it is. very rare that i find depictions of love that i recognize#as familiar-- at least familiar to how i feel&experience it lmao. it made it particularly painful at the end lmaoooo#from patroclus' total+happy willingness to follow achilles anywhere&build a life around being that support for no reason other than love#to achilles refusal to so much as pretend that he isnt who he is&neither is his love (&his total heartwrenching meltdown at his loss)#to knowing that no matter how good&pure&total the love is the vast majority of ppl will insist-- even in death-- that one was#not worthy of the love of another.#i. get it. lmao. i get it all.#something something whats more romantic than a willingness to bleed&die for another? whats more holy?#what is more loving than sacrifice? what is more of a sacrifice than death?#... something something i have been accused of being in love w the idea of love&perhaps that isnt totally off base lmao.#i am a being of obsession&whimsy clear across the spectrum lmao &that very often just isnt healthy. :')♡#... this book actually kind of confirms that point lmao.
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more on the azure and jacks companionship……… like idk, in the lives where azure informs jacks of his little fuck up (read: reincarnation curse), he tells jacks that he wants him to be there for chrysi if azure is the one to die first. he’s happy to know that chrysi’s with her childhood best friend if she can’t be with azure.
and then in the lives where they’re both aware, it’s like.. they’re both in love w chrysi and they know it, so they don’t care!!! they’re best friends, they’re happy to know that the woman they love likes both of them.. idk yk where i’m going w this? they’re buddies (soul-bound) versus being lovers w chrysi (also soul-bound)
#this isn’t like particularly deep or anything but azure and jacks like hanging out. they both kiss chrysi. what’s to not get#it’s not romantic between the two of them and that’sb fine by them! they all live in the same house and watch horror movies together yk?#arospec azure is happy for a close friendship w/o any expectations#jacks is. well he’s got jealousy issues but it’s hard to be jealous of the guy that only trusts two ppl in the world and you’re one of them#the other being his literal soulmate. so like. sure i guess#they’re all trapped in the same curse together might as well make the most of it!#memorie.txt#s.chryzurejacks
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youtube
#music.#MONACA FACTORY MERMAID AAUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#galaco sounds so lovely;-;#songs that i always think about in regards to akira w/ the wizards#my heart is floating floating then sinking......#tell me the continuation of this fairytale#<-lines that im particularly obsessed with#im always thinking about the 3rd anni website#'Even fairy tales without happy endings can one day be cherished all the same.'#'let us weave a tale' ;_;#'are you still there? are you crying in the pitch black ocean? i wish i could see how you really look like'#'once ive closed the book on the last page hop-step-jump im gonna run away from this town though i fully know that nothing will happen#im chasing after something. for some reason im chasing after it.'#THIS SONNNGGGGGGGG#also the element of akira mentioning/referencing at least two fairytales in canon + that one out-of-game source where they mention.....#huh is it just one book now that i think about it LOL....i need to look for it again#something about things like 3rd anni website but also 1.5 with the 'please ask them about their story'#as well as akiras tendency to overanalyze ppls expressions / trying to imagine what they must be feeling about this n that#'are you still there?' about the little mermaid..........do u get me......
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