#pandora's box has been opened and you can't put your feelings back

[thebongcloudopening]

not to be serious on main but if there's one thing I learned that I want to pass along to other trans people it's that closeting yourself to appease others doesn't work. I girlmode all the time and yet it's still not, and will never be, enough for people. You wear girly clothes, they wonder why you don't wear makeup. You wear makeup, they wonder why you don't shave your legs. You shave your legs they ask why you haven't just done laser hair removal. No matter how much you pretend for them there will always be something else they deem different.

[yamst3rdamctrl]

When Sexual Desires Clash YN Story

Chapter 4

Omniscient

As Michael kissed Y/N all she could do was melt and let him overtake her. She has not been touched by a man in so long she did not know how to react. Michael broke the kiss by looking at her. Michael then asked while looking her in her eyes, “I need to know this answer now. Do you give me permission to do whatever I want to you? That includes me being rough and doing whatever I feel the need to.” Y/N looked at him and she thought to herself that she has always been the one to take control and she would love to finally have a break.

“Yes, as long as you make me cum.” Y/N said boldly knowing she was scared out of her damn mind. Michael then said, “I’m going to make you nutt so many times you’re going to cry and be soo sore you can’t walk. Do you understand me, if so lets go to my room?”

Y/N followed Michael like a little lost puppy with a towel wrapped around her, not even knowing what she was getting herself into. Michael opened his room door and let himself come in and opened the door for Y/N. Michael closed and locked the door and then pushed Y/N to the door and kissed her like his life depended on it.. Both of them fought for the dominant place while kissing, but Y/N backed down due to their talk they had just a few moments ago. Michael then started to kiss down Y/N while she was on the door.

Once he got closer to her sweet, sweet nectar, he lifted her leg and kissed her outter lips. Y/N moaned at the kiss, and once he then parted her lips and started to lick on her clit. Michael then spit on her clit and went to work. All she could do was moan while trying to hold her composure. Michael began to get sloppy and add two fingers. "I hear you trying to suppress your moans. Keep doing that, and I'm going to make you scream since you wanna play." Michael then got up and grabbed Y/N by her neck and dragged her to the dresser with a mirror. He then walked up behind her and looked at her in the mirror and made her bend over. "So you wanna play like you don't wanna moan?" Michael questioned with dark, black lustful eyes. Y/N started to speak, "It's nothing lik... FUCK!" Before Y/N could even speak, Michael had shoved his dick inside her pussy and started off at a hard, fast pace.

Michael wanted to wreck her and leave her wanting more. Michael wrapped his hand around her neck and kept pounding into her. Michael did this for the next 10 minutes and before Y/N knew it she had a knot in her stomach. "I feel that Nutt coming back, cum all over my dick." Michael gritted through his teeth. "I'm going to uhhh.." Y/N couldn't finish getting her sentence out when she came due to Michael fucking her into submission and through her orgasm. Michael then moved her to the bed and crawled on top of her while sliding his dick in her slit without any friction.

Michael put his left hand on Y/N hip and his right hand on her throat. When he started, she felt as if he had awaken something in her. Y/N saw the look in his eyes and said, "I need you to cum for me daddy." Michael never had this type of feeling with Lori and when she said that he started fucking her harder. He then said, "I'm going to cum all over your stomach.. omg...". He then nutted all over her. They both laid there out of breath. Michael got up and gave Y/N a warm rag to wipe off her stomach, but to her surprise he did it for her.

They exchanged no words because they were left with no words. Y/N broke the silence and said, " I can't lie that you fucked me up." Michael said, "Good, i enjoyed you and this not the first and last time I hope you know." Y/N laughed and said okay before going to her room. Little did she know she opened a door that she would have never thought it would be.

Y/N opened Pandoras box and would never close it! Her life would forever change after that encounter.

And boom.... I got more smut to come for yal!

Next Chapter I need 15 likes since yal showing me love

[sasheneskywalker]

batfamily fic recs where members of the batfamily deal with their experiences with sexual assault

The Silence Grows Louder (Ringing Out In My Head) by Kirazalea

I feel the pressure building until I can't breathe,

And it takes everything.

Till it all spills out,

Reckless but honest words leave out my mouth

Like kerosene on a flame of doubt,

I just couldn't make it right…

Duke notices something while on a mission, and that one observation turns into a confrontation with parts of Dick's past that he's kept hidden from his brothers for years.

M | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson/Koriand'r, Miriam Delgado/Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson, Catalina Flores/Dick Grayson, Daughter(s) of Acheron (DCU)/Tim Drake, Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas, Tim Drake & Duke Thomas, Duke Thomas & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Tim Drake & Jason Todd

Into The Light by LilliputianDuckling

When Dick finally learns what happened to Tim during the assassination tournament, it reopens an old wound. Trying to TALK about it opens a whole Pandora's box of old wounds.

To make matters worse, Ra's still wants a new heir from Dick's little brother.

M | Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage | Batfamily Members & Dick Grayson, Batfamily Members & Tim Drake, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Jason Todd

You Brought the Flames and You Put Me Through Hell by Sohotthateveryonedied

Womanizer.

Dog.

Slut.

They’re jokes. They’ve always been jokes. No one ever intends to be hurtful when they tease Dick, when they pat him on the shoulder and remark on his latest exploit, when they ogle him from behind. It’s a joke. No one actually means it.

Except for the ones who do.

M | Rape/Non-Con | Grayson/Koriand'r, Dick Grayson/Wally West, Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson

I Don't Know How to Say No by Sohotthateveryonedied

“What the hell is your problem?” Dick demands, yanking his arm back. “I was working.”

“That’s what you call working? He had his hands all over you like a piece of meat. You should be thanking me.”

“That’s how an interrogation works, idiot. People give up information more freely when their inhibitions are lowered.”

“If that’s how you interrogate, then I’d hate to see your torture techniques.” Jason stalks off toward the car they arrived in, one of Bruce’s less conspicuous vehicles that they “borrowed” for the night. He opens the driver’s side door and slams it behind him. “Get in the fucking car.”

M | Rape/Non-Con | Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Catalina Flores/Dick Grayson (mentioned)

When Will Enough Be Enough? by Sohotthateveryonedied

Dick Grayson, first and foremost is, and has always been, a performer. The first sunlight to touch his young cherubic face was a spotlight. His first love was the trapeze from which he swung. He was a star. He was perfect.

That was his birthright: talent, strength, beauty. Beauty. All throughout his formative years under the circus tent, it was always Dick’s cheeks that were pinched by fawning old ladies. He was the Flying Grayson whom everyone wanted to get their picture taken with.

Such a looker! The girls are going to be all over you one day, honey, just you wait. It was usually followed by a wink and a laugh, and Dick would laugh right along with them. The attention wasn’t any more of a hardship than the adoring crowds’ cheers were when the dazzling Dick Grayson landed a quadruple flip fifty feet above the ground. Everyone loved him, and he loved being loved.

(A character study about Dick Grayson's relationship with his sexuality, and how his perception of his worth becomes warped by the way others treat him.)

M | Rape/Non-Con, Underage | Dick Grayson/Koriand'r, Dick Grayson/Wally West, Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson, Catalina Flores/Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne

Unsteady by withthekeyisking

Dick grew up watching Bruce take countless women to bed for the sake of the mission, and to get what he needed from different people. He watched, and he learned.

And maybe he doesn't feel the same things the people around him feel, maybe he doesn't really like sex, but it doesn't really matter. Because if sex makes people happy, then why does his opinion on everything matter? It's not their fault he's broken.

M | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Dick Grayson/Various, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd

If Night Falls in Your Heart by withthekeyisking

Dick never knew how to tell his family about what Tarantula and Mirage did to him, so he simply didn't.

That solution works, until it doesn't.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Catalina Flores/Dick Grayson (past), Miriam Delgado/Dick Grayson (past2), Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne

Hat Full of Glass by succeeding

Dick's injured one night on patrol, which is no big deal. Sure, his face is a little burnt, but it's not like anything serious happened-- so why is everyone acting like it has? Faced with a concussion and mandatory rest, he has a lot of time to think, and that's never good for someone in their line of business.

OR: An injury threatens to scar Dick's face, and it brings up a lot of things in him, things he hadn't realized were even there. The Batfamily acts and reacts.

T | Rape/Non-Con, Underage | Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Everyone

Honeypot by Ididloveyou_once

‘If you keep getting older who’s gonna take your place?’ Jason tilted his head to look at Bruce. ‘Did ya hear me, B? I asked who you’ll use as a honeypot when Dickhead’s old and blind.’

The milkshake cup crinkled under Dick’s fingers.

Or: Dick’s kept it together for years and it only takes a single comment for it all to come crashing down.

T | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent

here comes the rain again by pocketofsky

Dick doesn’t patrol when it rains. Not since Blüdhaven. And everyone knows that, but they don’t know why.

Or: Dick slowly but surely confronts his trauma. Now featuring: a train, pain, and a lot of rain.

M | No Archive Warnings Apply | Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne

When it Rains by vellaphoria

After Cass and Tim return from Paris, something seems… wrong.

Dick tries to find out what it is.

T | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Cassandra Cain & Dick Grayson, Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake

little cruelties by misspickman

Years down the line, Tim deals with the consequences of his run-in with the Daughter of Acheron. Sort of.

E | No Archive Warnings Apply | Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake, Tim Drake/Tam Fox, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent, Tim Drake & Cassie Sandsmark

Change by TheSilencer

"Are you telling me that being human trafficked felt the same as being a member of the Justice League?"

Dick jerked back. "Don't say it like that. That makes it sound way worse than it is."

Or a mission goes exactly as intended but has unintended consequences.

T | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con | Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd

something just broke by BeatriceEagle

With teams run by a small handful of big names, recruitment based almost entirely on who you know, and unchecked interteam dating, the superhero community is practically designed to encourage interpersonal abuse. When a former sidekick comes forward to say that she was abused by her mentor, the entire community has to reckon with the part they may have played—and with the abuses that may still be going unnoticed.

(A story of systems, told through chats, texts, and transcripts.)

M | Rape/Non-Con, Underage | Clark Kent/Lois Lane, Dinah Lance/Oliver Queen, Dick Grayson & Donna Troy, Barbara Gordon & Dinah Lance, Koriand'r & Donna Troy

Petals for Armor by SilverSkiesAtMidnight

There’s a small half-moon of blood under the white of Tim’s nail where he bent it. He studies the red of it, feeling foggy and dreamlike. “Can I ask you a question?”

His brother’s eyes flick to him and away again, surprised and wary. “What?”

His nail doesn’t hurt much, just the dullest of aches when he presses down against it. “When you were homeless, you slept with people for money, didn’t you?”

Jason jerks like he’s been slapped. His knuckles are so pale where they grip the steering wheel they suddenly look more bone than flesh. “Did I -”

“Was it worth it?” Tim asks, drifting like a cloud over whatever furious reaction Jason was about to give him. “The money, I mean.”

His sternum slams into the seatbelt with bruising force. Unbraced for it, his head whips forward and back against his seat as they swerve off the road again and skid to a halt with a screech of rubber.

T | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Tim Drake & Jason Todd

fingerprints all over me (now my throat's choked up and I can't breathe) by lostandlonelybirds (RUNNFROMTHEAK)

“I don’t have my comm, Dick,” is whispered over bare skin as Jason leans in.

There’s a laugh, throaty and wet. No joke has been offered, but no joke is needed.

Two men walk into a bar. Neither walks out.

(Dick is the punchline.)

M | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Dick Grayson/Jason Todd

Second Generation by lowflyingfruit

Nine months after the 'Blockbuster Incident', a call from Lockhaven Penitentiary regarding Catalina Flores brings all Dick Grayson's plans for his future in Bludhaven crashing down. Thrust suddenly into parenthood and hiding what happened to make him a parent in the first place, Dick must decide, adjust, and accept - and no matter what, the family has to pull together to help him.

Unfortunately, the Red Hood, a newcomer to the Gotham crime scene with a grudge, has his own ideas about Bat-family togetherness. Giving them time and space to work things out peacefully isn't one of them.

T | Rape/Non-Con | No Relationships

[drdemonprince]

I bought your book Laziness Does Not Exist a while ago, read it and put it back onto my book shelf. Recently after some major life trauma I gave it to my husband to read - he's mid way through and he's constantly talking about his much it's resonating with him while he has tears streaming down his face. He's a cis-het white man who and works in construction development.

Two things, this book saved my marriage and probably my husbands life. Secondly your books and essays ( Empathy is overrated in particular) have been life changing for me. It like opening Pandora's box, I can't ever go back to what I used to think. Thank you.

The way you write speaks the truth into whomever reads it. The perspective you articulate is what so many of us feel but can't find the language to describe. In your books and essays. It's also a perspective for anyone who doesn't experience burnout to understand.

This isn't a question its a comment of gratitude. Your work has changed my life in so many ways. I will keep buying your work, and ill be giving it as gifts to many people.

I hope to see your work as a required read for anyone who works with the public. And I hope to see you thrive and enjoy your life in the most fulfilling and peaceful way possible. We all deserve that. Thank you again for sharing your mind with us all!!

omg wow its so crazy that what i experience as just frenetic hamster wheel running inside my own mind has an impact on people in the world!!! thanks for the kind message, and for reading.

[alluralater]

hi there! so sorry to hear that you're sick :(( I hope you feel better soon!

I also wanted to ask your advice, as an experienced gay? I'm 21 and queer and I'm in a great relationship with someone I really love. we've been together over a year and they're the best. at the same time, lately, I kinda developed a crush on my friend/roommate. she's great and we get along super well, and I've had this raging crush on her for a few months now. normally I wouldn't really worry abt it because I have no desire to leave my current partner or initiate anything with my friend. but lately it seems my friend might also have feelings for me too? and we see each other pretty much everyday since we live together, so it's kinda becoming this big unspoken thing, at least for me. I'm curious if you think I should bring it up to my friend so we can clear the air and move past it (and I'll prob stop overthinking abt it), or if I shouldn't bring it up and just get over it? I'm not gonna do anything with her, I just wanna know if I should rip the bandaid off and talk about it or not. thanks in advance! love your blog :)

hi! alright so you are in a bit of a sticky situation. let's dissect this. i have multiple questions for you so might need you to drop another ask at some point to fill in some blanks <3

my questions for you: is your relationship strictly monogamous? from the way everything is phrased i'm assuming it most likely is but i wouldn't really know. next question, how comfortable are you with very very honest conversations? if you open this box with your roommate, just know that you might not be able to close it again. learning that someone you're attracted to whether emotionally or physically has those same feelings for you is sort of like a pandora's box situation. once that knowledge has come out, there isn't really a way to rid yourself of it or put any of it back, because in this case the feelings for you are not just physical.

that being said, there are three ways this can go. 1. you start the conversation with her and she says she also has feelings for you, be they physical, emotional, or both. you then confirm your own feelings and she's maybe wondering what will or won't happen. if she knows you're happily in a relationship, she probably doesn't bring it up out of respect for that or she may not want to complicate things since you live together. either way you'll have to guide that conversation and be prepared to drop the facts that you aren't looking for anything else but want to be open and honest. you have to hope she can take that with grace and it doesn't become a problem. 2. you say nothing, things build to a fever pitch over time and something happens between you, lots of drama may follow or none at all, definitely issues in your relationship. the other side of this is that you say nothing, you both silently think about having sex with each other from like ten feet away at night and then slowly over time the novelty of wanting someone you can't have wears off. but then maybe it doesn't, and we're back at the first part of 2 again. there is both power and weakness in the 'do nothing' strategy because you have to allow for a certain lack of control, which might be hard for an over-thinker. 3. you talk about it and it goes super well! you both feel confident that having mutual attraction/feelings for each other won't be any kind of strain on your living situation or friendship and you carry on as normal, even building a healthier relationship through this type of honesty.

there is a secret fourth option. and that option is a threesome/you hooking up with the roommate (sorry i have to drop this one because it's such a mood and honestly, if i found out my partner was attracted to their roommate and vice versa, i would tell them to go fuck that person after lots of communication and reassurance that their living situation wouldn't be affected <3 i'm always the partner that does a little smirk and is like "so what did you do about it??" bc i'm a whore. i live and die for the satisfaction of my partners' appetites.

my advice to you is to think long and hard about if you want to open that box. sometimes we think we're clearing the air but really all we're doing is making something known and therefore even more seen in that very same air. i believe in you to do whatever feels right for you. drop another ask if you want and we'll brainstorm this together some more <3

[the-white-soul]

*Flowey mutters, feeling mighty embarrassed now about his favorite stories being fairy tales. Every else sounds so cool!He mutters his answer so people can barely hear.* I like James and the tomato stalk…

*He speaks louder and with more excitement now that that’s over with, adding onto it to make himself sound cooler.*

Uh, but I gotta agree with 1984! The torture scenes are so good. And the inner party has so much power over everyone else! That would have been so perfect to try out in one of my runs while I had the resets, but I imagine it'd need to take years to get to that point. I don't have that patience.

*He glances at Chara for a moment, then back to Kara. He might take up their offer to leave and talk about his their interests.* Hey, Kara? Do you know how much time do we have left before we resume? I wasn't to know if I have enough time for something.

(Kara) "Flowey, your favorite book sounds amazing! I mean technically Harry Potter's a fairy tale just made by a jackass! Anyways this should start in 10 minutes! We have time for whatever you have."

(Noelle) "Hey, Chara. Want to go on a quick walk!"

(Chara) "Why?"

(Noelle) "I think we should really take a walk Chara! *Whispered* To get away from them for a second."

(Chara) "Ah, okay! We're going on a quick walk!"

(Noelle) "*They walk out fast and Chara and Noelle are alone* Will you ever tell them the secret?"

(Chara) "My real question is, why haven't you? If it's because you feel bad about hurting Flowey..."

(Noelle) "No, it's something I can't trust you or anyone with."

(Chara) "Come on, I promise not to tell!"

(Noelle) "A promise like that isn't worth making."

(Chara) "Please! It's been nagging at me for years!"

(Noelle) "I've only been here a couple months."

(Chara) "Well, it felt like a year. I swear on Asriel's soul I won't tell anyone."

(Noelle) "You mean that?"

(Chara) "There are very few people I love more than Asriel. Of course, I mean it."

(Noelle) "Alright, I want to trap humans under a barrier."

(Chara) "What?"

(Noelle) "I've learned after seeing the atrocities committed by Clover that humans and monsters can't coexist. I wanted them to and tried my best but it didn't work. I knew the original barrier wouldn't work because humans hate everyone. So I thought to give the humans a piece of their own medicine with a few exceptions. Kara can stay since they're half both and deserve to be friends with Flowey. I could never tell them I'm Noelle because I'd rather they think I was dead than this."

(Chara) "What the fuck?!"

(Noelle) "That's all I'm saying right now."

(Chara) "No. That's not all you're saying. You can't just tell me you want to segregate humans and monsters, in the end. You've opened Pandora's box!"

(Noelle) "*Laughs a bit* Once I tell you how I'll achieve my goal, I'll never achieve my goal. ;). Now let's go back to Kara and Flowey. Oh and if you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you. Now let's go."

(Chara) "Fine. *Grabs Noelle's hand and tightens their grip until Noelle is in such pain she almost screams. They whispered* Because I put this on Asriel I'm not going to tell anyone but don't threaten me. I never promised not to kill you."

(Noelle) "Let go!"

(Chara) "No, let's just stay here a bit. *Makes sure no one's around and bites down hard on Noelle. They let her bleed out for a full minute. While this is happening Noelle can only stay in horror pleading with them to stop the pain. It hurts like a stab wound and almost gets infected.

(Noelle) "Please you made your point just stop it."

(Chara) "Did I make my point? I'm not so sure yet. You know for times like this I get some salt. *Grabs it and puts it right on the wound.* Do you like that?"

(Noelle) "I'll do whatever you want just stop this torture or I'll tell Kara!"

(Chara) "I'll tell them about your little plan then."

(Noelle) "You swore not to."

(Chara) "Asriel believes that I should've lived. He made me promise him that I'd never die for something stupid a long time ago. *Bites again.* If you're threatening me, you must be pretty stupid. *She starts to cry but Chara punches her until they stop. Then they whisper their final warning* Don't fuck with me. Now, let's get back to that court room. Oh and here's a butts pie. *Forcefedd it down her throat.* Now no one will know. Right, Noelle?"

(Noelle) "No one will know. *They walk back into the room. There is still 5 minutes left.*"

[bullet-prooflove]

Donna’s Wednesday Radio Show Prompt List #12

Hey guys! As some of may know I do a weekly radioshow on Wednesdays and I thought why not put together a prompt list from some of the songs I’ve been playing. I thought it would bring some fresh prompts into our world!

Feel free to pop any of these prompts with a charcter I write for (You can find these on the pinned post on my blog) into my ASK box!

Also don't forget to put the entire prompt in and not just the number!

One has diamonds in his pockets

Remember the words you told me, love me 'til the day I die

But I can never escape The war inside my skull

But I wonder, where were you? When I was at my worst down on my knees

Broken down in agony

Is she alive?

I'm dancin' on my own 

Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now

Did you get out I'm wondering where you are?

I see you layin' there with me Like my missing puzzle piece

 all of the lines we've crossed

Trying to save what's left before everything is gone

All tied up

You opened up Pandora's box, You don't know what you just unlocked

Maybe all the secrets that she knows won’t save her

The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth

Too many years of battle scars

Let go of my darkest thoughts

Rewrite your history

Did you follow your, follow your fire

I always saw you reaching and catching stars

The weird and the novelties

Just wanna touch you for a minute

And my heart's turned cold since you left my life

 don't give up, it's a little complicated

And now I want it bad

Light up your wildest dreams

We promised that we'd never part On a tree, under the stars

what doesn’t kill you makes you that bit stranger

It's such a shame we fucked it up, you and me

You almost turned me psycho, I almost lost my mind

Hung on your sleeve, you wore your heart on it

You left with no warning 

Sweet love, my oldest friend

Drinking, kissing in the street We couldn't get enough

And I pray that hope's not lost

I'm following the map that leads to you

The story of us, it always starts the same

I've escaped many vices Like drugs and alcohol

I can't accept it's over now

And I'm just a dead man walking tonight

I never miss a beat I'm lightnin' on my feet

You damaged what we had

Come on and talk to me

No make-up, no pretend

I don't know what I'm doing wrong

Lately our conversations end like it's the last goodbye

You beat me at my own damn game

You're gonna keep your head up through it all

Have we come to the bitter end?

I see you staring out the corner of my eye

I got some pictures on my phone

I miss the conversation

I was there for you in your darkest night

You marry me, your father will disown you

you're losing faith while I've been holding on

 one of us gets too drunk and calls about a hundred times

And you said you had my back So I wonder, where were you?

fire always makes it better

 I tried to find shelter here in the arms of someone new

Now, I can't get over you

This has gotta be the good life

I like to think that we had it all

We all got our stories but please, tell me

I'm the one that loved you baby can't you see?

Prozac can make it better

But how do I feel this good sober?

I say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight

And if you like to talk for hours Just go ahead now

 They don't know Where I've been for the past few years or so

[mejomonster]

Silent Reading, chapter 25. Their first flirt! Omg! I didn't pay attention to these things last time! ToT

1. Love how Fei Du says it without thinking, so sorry my dude, subconsciously somewhere in there you either already like him (my condolences) or you're so used to flirting with Everyone Else that the instant ur not fighting him you do it to him too and... that has now opened pandoras box. You can't put it back and undo it. He's now a person that Can Be flirted with, that Is Categorized dating material in ur mind, so sorry Fei Du. You've just sealed your fate.

2. Lol at both of them turning silent and feeling something is off about those words. Both of them internally: wait that wasn't an insult like usual.... that was a flirtation? ???!!!??!?!! Oh fuck fuck oh what what WAIT why oh dear. Oh no it's already happened. Fei Du: I just hit on the bitch trying to play caretaker 7 years I'm dying inside let Me rot away -.- Luo Wenzhou: that... BRAT, he's escalated from normal insults to sexual ones. T-T

3. Both of them IMMEDIATELY Talking about the case again like it didn't happen and moving on cause they both don't wanna examine the shitstorm of future paths that this pandoras box just opened. Good job Fei Du! You did it!!

4. I love how it starts because Luo Wenzhous like: there's something wrong with you... you're being so nice.... you okay?? Just lmao says SO much about them. Both now how the car chase and opening up somewhat during the hospital did em both some good in a ceasefire. And also how these 7 years it cant have been entirely not-close, since they seem to be on the level of Luo going "even if we fight, nonstop, I can ask you personally vulnerable questions and check in on if you're okay and when we Aren't fighting we can cooperate and problem solve on our non-emotional shit quite easily and second nature." Which implies maybe they got along like siblings who fight a lot but defend each other from bullies or a sucky parent, or like a parent and kid who fight a lot but are trying and do put in a lot of effort making their close situation work in the non-fight moments (think Lilo and Nani from Lilo and Stitch). They've clearly cultivated a close emotional relationship over 7 years even if as Luo says "they were constantly fighting." Because Zhang Donglai sure couldn't ask Fei Du if he's okay. Nor could he read Fei Dus emotions as well as Tao Ran and Luo Wenzhou.

5. Lmao Fei Du is that bitch that really said "I'm sorry, captain Luo. I didn't know you liked it rough." Excuse me???!!! Oh my god. Fei Du I hate to break it to you but I think you have a specific daddy kink but you're the rich baby so like rhe reverse of sugar daddy/baby situation but same, you wanna whip your man Fei Du? You went right for rough sex references? Oh fei du you're in too deep ur mind somewhere in there definitely thought about hitting Captain Luo one too many times and slid into wanting to choke him sexually or throw him on a bed or bite his neck and Oh my fucking God Fei Du you SAID IT OUT LOUD the only ONLY reason you're living this down is a woman is about to die and yall both are desperate to zoom past this slip of the tongue. Yes, I think it's fucking hilarious. Fei Du your horniness just lost you all coolness cred lmao. I fucking love this line it's incredible.

6. I do hope we see at some point Luo Wenzhous opinion at their boy Fei Du switching his flirtations from Tao Ran, who he's now treating strictly like a close bro, to Luo Wenzhou who was frenemy ish the entire time prior. I just think like. It must be so surreal and odd an experience for Luo Wenzhou? Since he saw the behavior second hand targeted on Thick at Tao Ran. It's gotta be weird being irritated by that, making fun of it, shaming it, competing Against it, teasing Fei Du for it... only for the same actions you were Like That toward are now being targeted at you instead.

The passage:

Luo Wenzhou was silent—their investigation really had followed this line of thought.

Fei Du shifted as if he’d become uncomfortable from sitting too long, absently looking out the car window at the scenery rapidly falling back outside. The rows of street lamps turned the spiraling overpasses into an elegant, winding panorama. The first inklings of the East Flower Market District’s nightless sky of fiery trees and silver flowers were already appearing far off. Perhaps it was his mistaken impression, but it seemed that tonight, the huge LED screen of the East District’s Skyscreen corridor was even brighter than usual.

Luo Wenzhou looked at him and suddenly asked, “Are you all right?”

Fei Du expressionlessly asked in turn, “What could be wrong with me?”

Luo Wenzhou thought about it, then bluntly pointed out, “Then how come you’re suddenly being so kindly and gentle to me?”

For a moment Fei Du was speechless. “I’m sorry, Captain Luo. I didn’t know you liked it rough.”

Then both of them turned silent, feeling that there had been something a little off about these words.

Fei Du thought, Don’t I have anything better to do?

Luo Wenzhou meanwhile reacted half a beat late. The little whelp was flirting with him!

And he was doing it in the tone of taking a dig!

[maguro13-2]

STREET FIGHTER X TEKKEN EXPLAINED!

Ryu : (Sighs) Another day, another fighting tournament go off the scales. Oh well, can't be too hard on that, might as well make a geniues effort about giving ourselves to that kind of experience of the Blanka makes pound cake thing. Glad that didn't happened. I might as well spend the day with this crap sandwich.

*Hears something landing*

Ryu : Huh? What's this? Looks like something has left from a galactic civilization. I wonder what's this doing here?

Ken : Dude. I think that's called the Pandora's Box, it was probably left it from the Sky and nobody would noticed that someone left it hear from unknown reasons. It could be Alien power.

Ryu : Aliens, Ken? Look I'm not into a sci-fi person, but whatever this is doing on earth, I wonder how are supposed to deal with this machinery? If it's ancient like my ancestors then so am I.

Ken : Who knows dude? Maybe it's a just a worthless artifact or something.

Kazuya : That box is not worthless, it's highly rare.

Ryu : Kazuya.

Kazuya : Long time no see, Street Fighter. What a shocking coincidence on finding this contraption. You found Pandora's box and I found out it first.

Ken : Actually, we're the ones who founded first, we've been like this since the 80s and 90s, we've been like this for over a decade or a year two. Since we are the only guys of the FGC, we're doing something respectively, for anyone in Fighting Game don't know what the heck are we fighting over for?

Ryu : It's an amazing discovery that we found the name of Pandora's Box, which is a some kind of alien device thingy from outer space and it contains deadly, evil, power.

Ken : Worse, it could be anything that might be deadly, evil, power thingy.

Ryu : We've already know that. Look, Kazuya. This is what you've been digging on earth and I do believe that Pandora's Box is simply a misfit to science we're taking this guile to for some experimental research.

Kazuya : But we found first, so it's ours for research.

*the two fights over Pandora's box*

Ryu : it's mine, back off!

Kazuya : No it's mine! I found it first!

*Ryu and Kazuya straining angrily+scene cuts*

Ryu : Good job, doofus. You got our two companies involved of fighting over a stupid box. What kind of plot device was that?

Kazuya : Consider it yourself, an idiot.

Ryu : Yeah, we felt like this over a day since your son met at a crossover strategy game by the guys who made Xenoblade Chronicles which Shulk was never in, do you believe that, Monolith Soft never put Shulk in one crossover game by that video game/toy company and this is our respect for a new demonstration, all the games in Japan were popular in the day since 1980.

Kazuya : Well, at least, that the powers of Pandora did not opened.

Ryu : Wait what?

Xiaoyu : *Straining* Uhh, guys? Why did I feel so evil in my system...?

*DBZ SFX : Powering up*

[Sacred Dark by Keiichi Okabe plays]

Xiaoyu : WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Ryu : Wait a second, this wasn't part of our deal of fighting over the box! We don't remember everyone doing that!?

Jin : *straining* My heart, my soul, my everything...

*DBZ SFX : Powering up*

Jin : RRRAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!

Blanka : Blanka don't fee so good.

*DBZ SFX : Powering UP*

Blank : *screams furiously*

Kazuya : Aw Crap! We opened the powers of Pandora Box!

Ken : I knew that device was from space people! We should've destroyed that thing in any minute! I told you having crossovers with you guys, is all your faults!

Kazuya : What? We told you that we wanted to take Pandora's Box for research, but these idiots involved we're supposed to be possessed by it's power that turns everyone evil!

Ryu : At least you were supposed to have yourself scheduled in this crossover for a fight in the packet!

*The fighters are in Pandora Mode and going beserk*

Ryu : Oh man! What have we done!? I knew crossovering with you guys was stupid, but the entire world is in chaos of because of our responbility, fighting over evil in a can is such a stupid idea, thanks a lot to our irresponsible selves all thanks to your stupid shenanigans.

Kazuya : Well, at least you don't have a proper material to bring that to science in order to save world, Mr. Snoopy pants!

Ken : Should we even save everyone or we're just gonna stand here and watch the super deadly, evil, alien power take control of our mind, heart, and soul?! Is that a yes?!

Chun-Li : You idiots! What have you done!?

Cammy : Do you have any idea what's going on?! We're you idiots trying to doom the entire world!?

Anna : It was all his idea to find that stupid box and has super deadly, evil, powers that turns everyone evil which is known as Pandora Mode.

Nina : What!? I-[stutters] Kazuya! You son of a gun! Look what you did to everyone! Now the whole world's doomed because of your stupid shenanigans!

Kazuya : Nina! I can explain! I can fix this! No problems needed to be done!

Heihachi : Kazuya! Look what you've done to me!

Kazuya : Oh boy. I guess he's involved with this too.

*Heihachi is in Pandora Mode*

Heihachi : You did this to me! You did this from your foolishness! YOU ARE A MENACE, YOU HEAR ME!?! YOU ARE A MENACE!!!!

Ryu : But we didn't meant to...why did we even...Oh no, no no...!

*Ryu falls down on his knees+looks up into the sky*

Ryu : WHY DID WE EVEN CROSSOVER WITH THEM!?! WHY!?!

*Why is echoed*

*Imaginary Scenario ends*

Kazuya : And that is why I told you before, I did not even want to impress shenanigans over evil devices that could doom us all and I meant you that, I don't deal with anyone in my plans having responsibilities for any occasions, no idea of how I got into a situation between those guys.

Ryu : Look, I promise that this time we'll get it right and not do any of the super bad stuff. Promise me that you'll do it right when the time is right.

Kazuya : Oh yes, that reminded one thing about it...Do you happened to know if this is gonna work between us, I mean my sister is coming from town and I have a meeting with her.

Ryu : That tomboyish sister of yours...Who was her name again?

Kazuya : Reina...Reina Mishima. That's my sister's name.

Ryu : Wait, nobody in the fighting game community that you have a sister. How is that even a plot twist...

Kazuya : Around 30 years?

Ryu : Unbelievable. Also, they just found out that this showing Juri's toes thing is not my cup of tea, I need that to get memory wiped out and never do it again, but I promise that it would be a great deal for us to handle our situations with the perverted stuff happening in our minds. Blank memory space. All good in with the program.

Kazuya : Same to you, that really happened when Nina once wore her classic outfit without weary any shoes like me, I don't wear shoes but mostly I do during battles.

Ryu : What?

Nina : *blushes* H-Hey! Don't get that idea on me! You said wanted a player character without wearing shoes, so that's my idea of not wearing shoes before I wore shoes in my suit! Same goes to Lili who doesn't like wearing shoes.

Lili : Hey, that only only happens from modders or even in customization. I don't know why I got that mixed up.

Ryu : So we all agree that we can finally show how much appreciation from all the players that we've shown in the FGC, do we make ourselves clear?

Kazuya : Clear as ever...

Mai : Hey, guys! Guess what!? I decided to ditch my appealing costume that I wored for years and decided to wear black, I got a fresh new suit for my new kicks!

Ryu : Now I understand why I was upgraded into this.

Mai : Probably like a next day, Tuesday next day. You know what it is, I'm feelling glad that I don't even wear red anymore, I wear black now and that appealing costume made look appealing since SNK decided to drop the red.

Ryu : That is the reason you were banned from Smash because of that appeal.

Mai : ....It's true, I thought showing a little skin would be too much to deal with. Why didn't anyone think about it before I started wear black.

Goku Black Hmmm...I like your appreciation.

Mai : See? This is exactly the reason that I promise it won't be a bad thing and cannot be affective anymore. Everyone likes this get up.

Terry : Good thing that everyone wore a belt on their crotch, no offense, but...I think we're good since we joined the roster by Nintendo.

Heihachi : Hello, boys and girls. I'm back!

M Bison : I just got back from today's travel to the mall!

Kazuya : Yep. There is never going to change that. This never gets old.

Ryu : Here we go again.

*iris out*

[vltra-mayhem]

VLTRA MAYHEM DEVLOG MARCH-APRIL-MAY...

*Hello there! Apologies for the wait, I have been trying to figure out how to open my drafts since I usually write them down separately across days, but I see now that I should not do that to avoid leaving you all in the dark for too long. On top of that, the game's progress had been put on a TINY break due to the main developer going on a vacation. But now that she is back, we can continue on!

*Anywho! Vltra Mayhem has been going pretty well! I have been given a lot more information to share with you all today, so I hope you are all ready!

*To start off simple, let's start with the battle system.

*There's a lot to say about it, but I'm allowed to talk about some stuff that is already fully implemented! Such as the Bullet Hell Battle System which has been seen in games such as "Undertale" and "Deltarune".

*The plugin used to emulate that kind of battle system is called "Synrecs Understriker Plugin" since the game is made in "RPG Maker MV".

*The devs are very happy with these things! It's a struggle trying to get everything you want exactly how you want it with the limits RPG maker brings and the non-exsistant ability to code.

*On top of that the battle UI has been changed ALOT, The screenshots above do not display it, but it currently looks like this:

*It's pretty neat looking, if I do say so myself. The Pulse Meter also known as the "HP Bar" and The Sanity Meter also known as the "MP Bar" both displayed neatly in the boxes at the bottom. *As you can see the bar on the side that's The Spirit Bar but more widely known as the "Team TP Bar"

*Moving away from the Battle System, let's talk a bit about the overworld a little! *Something that Pandora (The lead developer) tries her best to do is make the overworld as fun and interesting to go through as possible by adding a lot of NPCs and such, all with unique and silly dialog! Here are a few:

*That's all :), It's not, but we can't show ALL of it! Where would be the fun in THAT. *Anyway, Aside from NPCs there's being put a lot of work in the tile sets and the environment of each map, for example the… The demo area's map is supposed to feel very sweet, calm and homey, and they seem to do their best to success in that! *So far the demo is just about 60/50% done it seems, and they can't wait to share it with you all! *Another thing, so I, was informed to inform you all about is the fact that Vltra Mayhem is looking for PIXEL ARTISTS to help create stunning imagery for the game such as tile sets and more! A couple more applications are open, so please feel free to check the application link below! * Application link! *That's about all I've got to show! I hope you enjoyed, and we hope to see you at the end of June to share more! Enjoy your month of Pride, by the way!

[nosuchthingasagruffalo]

S2 Chapter 3

Charlotte kicked off her boots and flopped onto her bed. She was finding this assignment made her feel more weary as the weeks went on. The more she thought of her brother the harder she worked, she took extra shifts and brought her work to her quarters, but now she was starting to feel her brain fog, every day rolled into the next and she stayed away from crew drinks and group holo parties. She heard a beep at her door and pulled on her boots, expecting her managing Lieutenant she stood to attention. As the door open she froze.

"Instinct is driven by subconscious micro calculations. The brain making sense of fragmented observations. Instinct tells me I should leave you here, not involve you. To take you from here will compromise the safety of us both, there are other parties who are involved who will be displeased by this action."

"So why are you here" Lottie responded.

"Because I need someone whom I trust. Because I need someone who is willing to open the Pandora's box and face the consequences with me. Because there's no other officer who has your tenacity, strength of character or quest for justness" An eyebrow lifted "Well there is, but when she finds out what I'm doing, who I'm watching, she will have me scrubbing the nacelles for the next three decades"

Lottie smiled "well seeing as I'm her daughter she will up my sentence to four decades, just so you know. Seriously though, if you're doing this for us, for Amal, you really don't need to become entangled in this messy shit that is our family's cause and curse,"

Seven frowned "your family, sorry, I hadn't thought, I , oh"

Lottie didn't often see the ex-Borg stutter or lost for words, she took a step closer "Seven, Commander, I'm sorry, I didn't mean you aren't our family, of course you are, you're a big sister to me, you know you're an integral part. It's just, I don't want to drag you down, we and especially mom have had such a big impact on your life that hasn't always been for the best, I'd feel guilty if you threw away the chance of a happy life to be part of our spiral into darkness"

Seven put her arm around Lottie "if there's one thing I have learned about human relationships and families. It's that they are dysfunctional, chaotic and perfection, in their own way. Messy shit as you so eloquently put it. If you want to leave with me you can. You'll re-join Abioye's ship, you will be in engineering, I don't want you too visible, you will quietly observe, we will meet off duty and off the record".

"You know I'm not going to say no, I need to message Niamh though as she's due to visit me in two weeks"

"No need, I spoke to her before I left in anticipation of your acceptance"

Lottie's mouth hung open as she watched the woman before her turn away to hide her smirk "One day you'll be wrong about me, but not today I suppose".

*********

The Janeway apartment - San Francisco

Kathryn opened the box, inside was Amal's baby booties, a mother's day card, a badly painted Flotter picture. She heard a noise and looked up.

"Hello dear wife, fancy seeing you here"

"Chakotay, I'm sorry I've been away so long, I've got so much to tell you. I wanted to see the kids too, I didn't realise Lottie was going to be gone so long. I wanted to see them all before I set back off again. Chakotay, I don't know what I should and should not tell you.."

"I don't want to hear anything Kathryn, it's over don't you understand. You can't bring him back, you can't chase his ghost. You need to focus on those of us still here"

"Chakotay, I can't do that, just listen if we can make his death mean something we co..."

"No Kathryn, this ends here. Nothing good will come of this. For your family you need to let it go, stay here, do you even care what I, what we all think?"

"It's not that" Kathryn could feel her voice raising "to ask me to let it go, do you understand me at all? Did you ever understand me?"

"Did you ever care? Really? As in see anything from my perspective? Not even work, just what I might think, I know you love me but I don't think you respect me as someone equal to you. I can't just wait around wondering what you'll do next. If you can't stay here, if your need to be the hero outweighs all else, well it's best for you to stay at our Indiana place for a while, on the off chance you're on Earth anytime soon."

Kathryn expected to feel white hot rage, to wish she had an airlock to throw her husband out of, but instead she felt ice coldness towards him, he was letting her down, he was holding her back. "Well, I guess it ends here. I'll call the kids" she tucked the box under her arm and walked to the door before the tears that had unexpectedly started to sting the back of her eyes threatened to fall.

*** USS Voyager

Captain Tuvok raised an eyebrow as he lifted the cup of tea to his lips. "Admiral, I see you have updated your emergency contact to one Phoebe Janeway"

"I knew you would have done your due diligence Captain, I trust you have updated on all the systems"

"Indeed Admiral, is this something you would like to discuss with me? As a friend, off record"

"No Tuvok, I don't even know what to think myself anymore. There will be a time, but for now I've got bigger things to worry about. I've had further reports of Amal being in some sort of assignment, I don't know who for. But it seems someone recruited him out of the Academy nearly a year ago. Who they were working for I don't yet know. I need to investigate further but I need a mission to cover my investigations, so I thought I'd rejoin you. Seems like you have an assignment I can tag along on that will seem like I'm nicely out of the way?"

"Very well. However knowing the former Commander and yourself as I do, being separated from T'Pel, unsure of the status of my marriage may I offer.."

"Tuvok"

The Vulcan composed himself "Apologies, yes the planet, it's home to microscopic life. First contact will likely never meet the regulations of the Prime Directive but Command has identified a strong intelligence. Our mission is to determine of there is any threat posed by these life forms and to take action if so"

"I think that's just the sort of challenge to distract me" smiled the Admiral.

****

Lottie sat with the junior officers at the mess of the Essex. Seven had explained the suspicions she had about her Captain and Lottie suggested the best way to get more information was to target anyone in the know when their inhibitions were lowered. "So Commander Never Chat On Duty is your godmother then? Gee I'd hate my private life being in the tabloids from the day I was born". Lottie grimaced, these days the press left her family alone but when Voyager returned from the Delta Quadrant, the Captain pregnant with the father being eventually revealed as her second in Command, the rumours and headlines had taken a few years to abate.

"Yes but I haven't really spent much time with her over the years, she was MIA with the Rangers for a bit, I suppose didn't want to slot into our family the way my mother had hoped. I'm not here to spend time with her. I wanted to serve under Abioye, he has a distinguished record in active service. I've heard of some of the battles he served in, he's a hero."

The Lieutenant laughed "yeah I suppose. A great soldier, a leader? I don't know, he's a yes man. He follows orders to a tee, he's ok I guess. What you'd call a company man, he'll give you chances to try new things though. You like trying new things? I can show you a thing or two"

Lottie swallowed her grimace and tried her best coy smile "maybe another time".

****

Back in Seven's quarters Seven was pacing "What a pig, thinking you're an Ensign who wants to please the seniors, I'm going to put him on the Gamma shift back to back for a month" fury burning her face.

"Auntie, really it's fine, I learned how to deal with those losers my first day in the Academy. Besides if they actually got me back to his it would be me teaching them a thing or ... sorry sorry, that's a joke. It was useful "data" to gather. Plus watch this. Some friends and I on DS5 were working on undetectable espionage, an unofficial assignment from our Chief Engineer. You know we couldn't crack the secondary code before? Well, it turns out the first step is based on musical arpeggios, the rest followed from there and of course I was in and out before I could be detected." Lottie looked out of the window "what side are you on Captain"

"I knew you'd make a fine officer. Send me the files and I'll look over them. We need to know if we can trust him or not" Seven said

"The decoded information didn't make much sense to me, do you think you can make sense of it?"

"Twenty years ago it would be simpler than beating Harry Kim at Kal Toh, but as you know the longer I've been away from the Borg the more my humanity has developed, I've lost some of the advantages my Borg upbringing afforded me."

"So now you can tell when Mom's hustling on the pool table but aren't good enough to be her team mate?"

"Oh Lottie" Seven smiled "If there's one thing Kathryn's taught me, it's how to be s shark at the pool table".

****

Kathryn and Tuvok stood on the planet's surface. At first look it seemed green and peaceful, flowers bobbed in the wind and leafy trees with boughs weighted down with summer fruit. Kathryn detected the microscopic life forms on her tricorders, they felt short electric shocks. "Are they trying to communicate?" Kathryn wondered.

"It would seem so" Tuvok responded, "They are making these shocks at will, the larger numbers they congregate in the stronger the shock. Maybe if we lay our weapons on the floor it will show we mean no harm".

Kathryn nodded and placed her phaser on the floor and was stunned to see a force field appear around it. Suddenly the shocks were increasing and she fell to the floor, she felt Tuvok help her up and they stumbled towards the shuttle. A shock to Tuvok's head and he was disorientated, Kathryn pulling his weight over her back as she opened the door and pulled them inside. At the controls Kathryn found every time she touched them they short circuited. She could only get the shuttle a few feet off the floor before it fell down again. She leaned under the console and pushed two of the buttons at the same time, the shuttle shot up and they sped towards Voyager. As the shuttle entered the larger ship, energy beams from the surface knocking Voyager's shields to less than 50%. Kathryn raced onto the bridge "Ensign Hussein what are you waiting for, get us out of here" she roared.

[kookiecrumb]

JJK || Someway

Chapter Three

previous • next

summary: You go on a non-refundable cruise with your LA realtor ex-boyfriend. Things get interesting.

tags: one bed trope, exes to lovers, mutual pining, stubborn!y/n, vacation, smut, angst, fluff

warnings: jealousyyyyy, explicit language

wc: 1.7K

Jungkook's decision to work out was independent of what happened between the two of you last night. Not that he was completely ignoring your conversation, but it was irrelevant toward his routine. 

That being said, it did affect his performance. A third of the way through, he put the equipment in a resting position and just laid there, his headphones still on and everything, breathing hard. 

He double tapped the drum of his headphones to turn the music off. The sound of clanking weights and grunts could be heard. The scent of sweat and adrenaline was potent in the air. It was overstimulatimg.

He needed to leave. 

Jungkook cleans off the equipment, gets his things from the locker rooms and is about to head out when he spots you talking to the receptionist. 

It totally looks like he's flirting with you. 

It…really looks like he's flirting with you. 

Jungkook's face turns bright red. He can't pull his eyes away from you, laughing and smiling at this mid-at-best guy who thinks he's goddamn Eddy Murphy or some shit. 

But this is what you wanted! This is what you both wanted. Good for you.

You smile and turn your head in his direction. He looks absolutely terrified. He is terrified.

Your face drops and you move away from the desk, stepping towards him, but Jungkook has already scattered. 

So much for that. 

It might be worth talking to him later about it. But then again, what is there to talk about? If you assume that he was upset or jealous of seeing you simply talking to another guy, then that would be opening up Pandora's Box. Confrontation is your worst enemy. 

And what if he confronts you about it? You'd have to defend yourself.

You'd have to defend yourself and he'd quickly realize there was nothing to defend in the first place. Then you'd be seen as weak.

It would be revealed that you're not this strong, confident, put-together woman, even though it's been months. You still want him. Who wouldn't?

You clench the wallet in your hand and drag it off the table, briefly thanking the receptionist before walking toward the yoga studio just beyond the sauna. 

The morning went by quickly, otherwise. The yoga class was supposed to be two hours long, but it had only felt like thirty minutes to you.

It had a wonderful view of the Pacific Ocean as well, with the crescening waves below playing with the sunlight. You felt refreshed after all that stretching and holding, but you were starving. 

It was just about time for brunch. You were feeling some strawberry yogurt and granola with some banana. Back in LA, we call those parfaits, like the French word for perfect. 

Valley girls love French, for aesthetic purposes. You're not surprised the trend has resurged nowadays. In this restaurant, right now, you could point out at least seven girls wearing a jacket matched with a miniskirt. 

Just so fetch, as Karen would say. 

Fashion is meant to be fun. What's the point of being stupid rich if not to spend it, stupidly? Perhaps a shopping trip is in order. You're almost certain that the luxury shops on-board are open for business. 

You imagine it now, another diamond tennis bracelet to match your skirts, or a sapphire necklace to compliment your evening dress. 

Perhaps you'll find another pair of those limited edition shoes from Dior. You've been hunting them down like a hound ever since their release.

You spoon another layer of yogurt into your mouth. Looks like your afternoon plans are in place, some retail therapy, if you will.

"My ex-girlfriend says I'm a good liar. I want to test the theory," Jungkook says as he slides over a Benjamin toward the attendant in exchange for twenty five-dollar chips. 

"Sir," the poor guy smiles. "That's hilarious." 

Jungkook can tell he doesn't actually think the joke is funny. With an awkward grimace, he shovels the chips from the slot between the two of them, pockets them, and walks away. 

It wasn't long before Jungkook sat down for his first game of blackjack with a pint of beer set down on a comically small coaster next to him. 

He didn't budge from his seat until he broke even. It was a good thirty minutes before he was winning money. It took another four for him to consider opting out. 

He was three hundred dollars over his break-even point. He had spectators gathered around him to witness him correctly predict and strategize around the cards he'd drawn. It was a sight to behold.

The stakes weren't high. He was still betting twenty dollars per round, but he was on a winning streak. He could have kept going, easily. 

He pulls out of his chair. He takes his chips. He thanks the dealer, and he cashes in. 

"She was right," he says, folding two extra hundred dollar bills into his wallet. "Now I gotta prove her wrong." 

"Prove who wrong?" A voice that isn't yours says from behind him. Jungkook turns to greet its owner. 

She's a young woman with long, braided hair. Her glasses sit upon her nose quaintly and her eyes are radiant. 

"My ex-girlfriend," Jungkook replies, quickly. 

"Ohh…You're still hung up over your ex?" She makes a judgemental face. 

Now who is she to judge someone's healing process? It takes time to get over an ex, especially if that ex was smart…pretty…rich…

Fuck. Why did he break up with you again?

"Well, yeah. It's normal," he defends. 

"That's a shame," she sighs with a fake pout on her lips. 

"Yeah," Jungkook looks away awkwardly. "Thanks for checking in," he concludes and continues on his way. 

"Waaait!" She exclaims. "I can help you get over her if you really want to…" 

There it is. The perfect opportunity. It's staring him right in the face again and all he has to say is, 'Yes, I do,' at most. Jungkook cannot fuck this up. 

"...nooo…" he says, in a small voice. "No…" he frowned.

The young woman rolls her eyes. "Pf, okay. You aren't even all that cute anyways, and…" Her voice grew quiet in Jungkook's mind as he looked beyond her. 

There you are, carrying fifty million luxury shopping bags, trudging along the hallway with your good pair of sunglasses. It looks like you're on your way toward the casino. 

The girl had stormed off by now. 

That's fine by him.

He's got a bigger problem on his hands, at least, according to him. 

A concierge greets you at the door or the casino lobby. He happily takes all of your bags up to your suite, safely with the exemption of your clutch bag containing all you'll be needing for today. 

You're about to hand over your card so they can register your room, but it seems as if they've already made an account under that number and there's a limit on how many times you can visit a day. 

"Well that's a little ridiculous, don't you think?" you laugh. "You'd be losing money!" 

"We are already losing money, miss. Your boyfriend–" 

"Ex-boyfriend!" 

"Ex-boyfriend has robbed us of two hundred dollars in blackjack just a few minutes ago," he says firmly.  

You're delighted by news of his big win. A feeling adjacent to pride taints your otherwise stern heart towards him. 

"Well, if that's the case…what do you suggest I do meanwhile?" You say, sweetly. "I planned on spending my entire evening here. You don't supposed I could make a last minute reservation for that restaurant upstairs?" 

"No, ma'am…unfortunately, they are booked through and through," he replies with a regretful tone. 

"Like…booked?" 

"Booked," he reassures. "Absolutely." 

After a while of clicking around the reservations on his computer, the attendant goes, "But it looks like you have a reservation here, already, for tonight…" 

You shake your head. "It's him again." 

"Well, it is on there. If you decide to go, you'll be admitted," he says. 

Actually, It wouldn't be the end of the world to have dinner with him. 

The natural solution would be to double date, but the idea is repulsing you right now. You would only be sharing a table. There wouldn't be an obligation to actually talk to one another or hold hands…or listen to each other's stories…or stare into each other's eyes over candlelight…or anything. 

Jungkook appears behind you, hands in his pockets with a smug look on his face. "Haha, you can't gamble," he teases. 

"Shut up. I need to ask you something," You pull him to the side, back out into the hallway. He begrudgingly complies. 

He flashes a smile, bright and charming. "Huh?" 

The sunlight plays with his hair as it sets over the open sea, a gentle glow resting on his face as you speak. "Uhm," 

"Yeaaahhh~" he laughs. 

"Are you drunk or something?" You comment, shaking him a little. "Stop that." 

Jungkook clears his throat and nods. He straightens up. "Okay." 

You're instantly intimidated. You brought him out here to say something, but it seems it has escaped your train of thought. "Like I was trying to say," you pause. 

Jungkook gestures for you to continue. 

"I was wondering if I could use your reservation for tonight. They're completely booked and…you can't book more than one table for a room…" 

He stares at you questioningly, a smirk pulling at his lips. "Huh? A date, then?" 

"No! Not like a date. The opposite of that. I want to eat the food there and you're gonna take me," 

"Y/N, that sounds like a fucking date to me," he nods his head insistently. 

"Well it's not."

In that moment, his stare felt heavier on you than usual. His careful hands wanted to reach for yours and, without a word, hold them close to his heart. He wanted to keep them there. Your breath stuttered. 

"Yeah, it is," he says, softly. 

You turn away. "And I'm the stubborn one?" you mutter. 

Jungkook's eyes wander around you before settling on your shoes. "Anyways, we could meet back at the hotel room and just…go after seven." 

"Yeah!" you reply, a bit too enthusiastically. Jungkook purses his lips to keep a smile from escaping. 

" …Yeah. Okay," you say, slowly. 

-

a/n: I I updating April 15th. No more begging. I have to actually write the next chapter 🤭

[inviberu]

music box

Confessing was no easy thing, especially for someone like Heath who could barely take a compliment without his cheeks burning red. When someone suggested he should give a gift instead, the gears inside his head started to turn. The most beautiful gift of all is one that comes from the bottom of one's heart—the question is: what was it?

Heath didn't know how to express his feelings without getting too many butterflies in his stomach to the point that he has to bend over to calm himself down or without tripping over his words and forgetting everything he planned to say. His cheeks would flare up and he would tear his gaze away from your figure as he told himself inside his head: "Not today, maybe not tomorrow either…."

Faust could barely stand the way Heath kept on backing out at the last minute during his decisions to finally confess his feelings. Faust pushed up his glasses and crossed his arms with a stern look on his face as he sighed. Heath sat up straighter, hoping that Faust wasn't about to scold him about something related to missions, unaware that Faust called him to his room to talk about more… personal matters instead of their line of work.

"I know there's a lot of stuff going on inside your head, but you shouldn't let it affect you when you're doing missions." Every word that came from Faust's lips was a lie to disguise his genuine concern for his student—roundabout, as a lot of Eastern folk are. Upon seeing Heath's face contort into one of slight panic, Faust immediately followed up with a question: "What is it that's bothering you anyway?"

Another lie. Faust already knew well what the source of Heath's worries is but he'd rather have Heath be unaware of the fact that he's been paying attention to him. Heath glanced down, a light hue of pink dusting his cheeks and Faust could already tell what this was about even if he hadn't known about Heath's countless attempts to confess to you before.

"Faust-sensei… do you know how to confess to someone?" Heath's unexpected question caught Faust off guard, his eyes widening in surprise before letting out a small cough after regaining his composure.

"C-Confess?" Faust tried his best to play dumb. "Like those love confessions?"

Heath nodded slowly, "I've been trying to confess to someone for a while now but… I keep on getting scared at the last minute. It's like the fear of being rejected suddenly walking up behind me and grabbing my shoulder."

"... You're a wonderful young man, Heath. I doubt there's anyone out there that would reject you" Faust closed his eyes as he tipped his hat slightly, trying his best to reassure him.

"Plus, you'll never know the answer unless you go for it." Faust chuckled, a smile forming on his face. Heath's eyes twinkled all of a sudden and felt his enthusiasm bounce back up as he grabbed Faust's hands into his own—Faust's expression slowly turning to one of discomfort.

"Then… Can you help me?" Heath asked hopefully.

"Me…?" Faust exclaimed, his glasses almost dropping down.

"W-Well only if you want to! I wouldn't dare force you to help me against your wishes..."

"I suppose I can try… I can't guarantee anything, of course." Faust agreed reluctantly and Heath beamed, his smile widening in happiness as he said his thanks to the Eastern teacher. "Well, first of all, if you find yourself unable to speak in front of them… don't you think there's a better alternative rather than confessing in person?"

After all this time, Heath had always tried to confess to you upfront and had never bothered to consider any other options until Faust brought it up. Heath wanted to curl up and bury himself six feet under at the sudden realization, feeling as if all this time spent was just used for needless worrying.

"Like a letter of sorts?" Heath asked carefully. Faust shook his head and merely answered his question vaguely.

"Something that comes from the heart." He pointed towards Heath's heart. "You're good at craftsmanship, aren't you? Why not make good use of that?"

A few days had already passed since Faust made that remark—living inside Heath's brain with no signs of leaving soon. A letter would've been easier but after taking it into more consideration, as well as Faust’s words, he decided to give it more thought. What was another alternative? A gift instead of a letter, perhaps? Heath ruffled his hair, deep in thought as he sat on one of the cushioned seats inside the lounge.

“Heathcliff?” A voice called out, snapping Heath out of his daze and adjusted his vision to the person in front of him—the northern wizard, White. Curiously, he asked, “is there something troubling you? Won’t you allow this old man to help if so?”

“Sir White… it’s nothing important, I appreciate the offer though.” Heath shook his head, trying to brush off White’s offer as politely as he could. White merely crossed his arms, nodding his head before a smug and knowing smile took over his face—as if he already knew what was troubling Heath without having him say anything.

“Ohoho… it’s about the matters of the heart, is it not?” Bullseye. Heath felt as if his heart was about to jump out of his chest, unable to hide the surprise evident in his expression. White didn’t wait for an answer, for he already knew he struck gold—he let out a laugh. “It’s written all over your face! A young man falling victim to love… is what your expression is saying.”

Heath covered his face by instinct, horrified at the newfound information that it was written all over his face. He wished he could keep a poker face like Lennox, perhaps that way he wouldn't be so easy to read—unaware that was precisely one of his charming points.

“Haha… is it that obvious?” Heath muttered weakly, burying his face into his palms and White only chuckled at the cute display. “Sir White, do you know of any good gifts fit for a confession?”

White rubbed his chin, deep in thought. A fitting gift for a love confession—one would normally think of something like flowers or sweets as if it was valentine's day, that was the textbook answer, though when White glanced at Heath and remembered his knack for machinery and the likes, he suddenly remembered of that one era that had a specific trend.

“It's a bit old fashioned but back in the day, music boxes were the trend. Why not make one with music that reminds you of your beloved? Wouldn't that be perfect for someone like you?” White beamed, smiling as if he gave a groundbreaking piece of advice. Heath’s eyes widened ever so slightly with his mouth agape as he thought about his words; music boxes were indeed old fashioned as you wouldn't see it normally these days.

“Me…? Make a music box?” He has never tried it before, especially not for a special someone, though he was confident he's able to make one if he tried.

“Ohoho, you’re good with machinery, are you not? Why not put those skills to use to make a heartfelt gift?” White nodded enthusiastically. Heath couldn't help but get lost in his thoughts, already trying to figure out how he was going to construct one—it seems like the young master has already figured out which gift he should give.

Heath spent his days holed up inside his room by his desk, materials sprawled all over with chunks of wood littered around after he had carved the finest wood he could get his hands on after returning to the East for a short while. A focused look adorning his face as he drowned out the noises surrounding him, immersed in his craft.

Countless music sheets were crumpled and thrown to the bin at the side which was overflowing with scrapped pieces—music pieces. Heath was no expert like Rustica when it came to music composition, he had left his seat several times to consult the Western Wizard in order to make sure the music wasn't disappointing and was able to convey his feelings, somehow.

He planned to leave the box and a note anonymously, though he already suspected it wasn't going to be very discreet as he started carving the box with the same carving he engraved into Shino’s magic tool. One look at it and you would be able to guess who did the carving, for it was named Blanchett for a reason.

He added the finishing touches, blowing the small particles of dust away that remained in the corners before opening the box as a sweet, soft melody started to play—its gears turning as it played music flawlessly. Heath smiled at the music box he created, proud. He put all of his feelings of adoration for you inside one box, only revealing itself if you decide to open it, akin to Pandora's box.

As if reciting his last prayer, he clutched it tightly as he muttered his spell under his breath before standing up and deciding to leave it by your doorstep—this time, he'll let you know of his feelings.

As he arrived at your doorstep, he quietly wished that you weren't inside your room because that would make things complicated as Heath already felt like he was doing something scandalous. His cheeks burned red as he quickly dropped the music box as well as a small note before knocking once and scurrying off back to his room where he could finally put his mind to rest.

You opened the door, greeted by no one but a mysterious box and a small note that didn't indicate whoever sent it to you for there was no name. Without much hesitation, you picked it and inspected it—the intricate design catching you off guard as you recognized it as the same one present in Shino’s magical tool. And the one who made it was none other than Heath himself, that only meant one thing—Heath was behind this mysterious set-up. You felt your chest bubble up in excitement, an uncontrollable smile forming in your face as you felt giddy.

You opened the note, it read: For you have captured my heart, I offer this gift to you.

You felt your heart leap at the words you read, scanning it once again to make sure your eyes weren't playing tricks on you, cheeks heating up as you realized what this meant. You quickly opened the box, not expecting a few blue butterflies to come out and fly around you as a soft melody played from it—a music box Heath made just for you. You could feel his magic from the box, did he imbue his magic? You suspected as much.

The longer you listened to the music, the more you felt like running to his room to tell him you felt the same way. There wasn't a single thing stopping you from doing so. With a determined look on your face, you started heading towards his room. Fortunately, you saw him walking in the hall, it seems like he hasn't arrived in his room yet.

You took the opportunity to jump at him, his arms instinctively wrapping themselves around you, panic was written all over his face when he realized it was you who threw themselves at him. With the proximity between the two of you, you placed a chaste kiss on the tip of his nose. His heart felt like it was about to explode.

“W-What are you doing!?” He grabbed you by the shoulders and tried to push you away in an attempt to calm his racing heart. You smirked as you felt like teasing him more, though the huge smile on your face was unfitting as you told him:

“You could've told me in person… but, I like you too, silly!”

[a-mended-pact]

Chapter : Seven

This chapter is Reader and Spencer finally discussing what's going on. It's a little angst but a semi happy ending.

Taglist is open. 🥰

Part 6

This one is definitely one of my favorite chapters I've written so far.

Word count: 3,121

I am currently experiencing heavy writers block so I would love to know your thoughts or theories!

If you have questions for the series please message or send an ask.

Requests are open

I ended up walking out of the room and I could feel myself shaking. I was infuriated. I had been so upset with everything that happened between Spencer and Cat that I couldn’t see straight. Maybe I was being overly emotional but to be fair I still haven’t slept yet. Spencer had followed me out but neither of us made it far before I saw Ethan sitting in the break room talking to Jj. I glanced at Spencer then back at him. ‘He deserves to be in a cell, not in our break room. You and I both know that.’ He sighed and nodded knowing damn well now was not the time to fully argue with me. My hands were sore. I needed a release from the stress of the past couple of days. I would much rather the endorphins get released by Spencer and I tangled within the sheets.

It had been sometime since Spencer and I had been intimate due to work and me just not being in the mood because of the recent changes in my medication. We hadn’t openly discussed what had been going on with us to anyone on the team. At least I didn't. I wanted to keep things to myself. I had always suffered with dark thoughts and bad coping mechanisms. It wasn’t until Spencer pointed it out when we started living together. That it wasn't pointed out to me. He had spoken to me about it as gently as possible because he understood it was a sensitive topic that could either make me sob or be deeply upset with him and push him away. 

It luckily ended in me trusting his judgement and he set me up with a psychologist. Within a month of therapy they decided I needed meds for my issues. Mood stabilizers, Antidepressants and anxiety medication. It took a lot of trial and error for us to find the right ones that worked for me. I was lucky enough to have a person in my life to love me through the changes I had to experience during that time. I unfortunately suffered from a hazy mind. If I get too focused on something I tend to forget to take all of the above. Spencer always kept a track of when I took them. He’d message me when I needed to when we weren’t together no matter what. 

Of course he couldn’t when he was kidnapped. So here I was having a hard time processing everything I needed to. ‘You need to go home and sleep, eat and take your medication my love.’ As he spoke he cupped my face and rubbed his thumb over my cheek. I couldn’t help but notice the way Ethan looked at me with envy from the other room when I wasn’t staring into Spencer’s golden irises. A part of me felt like Spencer was just trying to get rid of me but I also knew he needed to come home and rest too. I can’t imagine he actually got any while he was kidnapped even if he was presumably only with Ethan. 

I grabbed his hand and held it to my face as I leaned into it. I didn’t care that I had to stretch out my freshly made wounds. If anything the pain was a nice distraction from the whirlwind my mind had become from the ticking of the hours that had gone by. ‘Please come home with me. Ethan will be taken care of and it’s not like the Kitten can get out of her cell. Please.’ His eyes softened as he heard me speak and he went to shake his head no until Emily spoke up from behind us. 

‘Both of you are going home. Neither of you have a choice in the matter. Everyone here has gotten rest but you two. The rest of the team and I can handle this by ourselves for a little while. Go home you two.’ She spoke loud enough to cause a scene and I couldn’t help but wince as everyone stared. ‘She’s right you haven’t eaten a proper meal Y/L/N in days’ Rossi commented from the peanut gallery. I pulled Spencer’s hand away from my face and squeezed it tightly. I hated being called out by anyone that wasn’t him. He has learned how to do it without making me feel guilty over the past couple of years. Right now all I felt was guilt. Guilty over the fact that on top of worrying about Spencer they were worried about me as well. I was such a screw up I swear. ‘ I agree I think I saw you resting your eyes maybe 10 minutes before you headed to the vending machine for an energy drink because the coffee wasn’t working for you anymore.’ Luke commented as he brought me my cardigan that I had draped over my chair at my desk. I sighed as I looked at him. 

‘Guys we are going. I promise.’ Spencer spoke as he began to pull my hand lightly to lead me away from everyone. ‘Don’t forget to put him in a holding cell.’ I said as I pointed at Ethan as his eyes never seemed to leave Spencer and I. I locked on to his gaze and followed his line of sight. Correction: it wasn’t on both of us. It was only on Spencer. 

I squeezed his hand harder than I probably should have. I didn't care. Ethan was truly creeping me out at that moment. Why was he staring at my husband like a child that had their favorite comfort item taken from them as a punishment.  Perhaps in a way that's what I was doing. I knew the moment he and I left they would treat him like an unsub as they should. He'd get no special treatment because Spencer wouldn't be around. I was giddy at the thought and let out a small laugh as I walked out of the building with him in tow.

-----------------

I felt a weight leave my chest when Y/n asked me to shower with her. I logically knew it was probably because she couldn't bring herself to actually wash her hair or even herself.  I was just thrilled over the fact that once our front door was locked into place she didn't turn around and snap at me about what happened between Cat and I.  I knew what I let happen bothered her greatly. We've spoken about it before many times.  I knew this time though I had almost opened Pandora's box. Perhaps I had only placed the key into it instead. 

Still pulling her into my arms as the hot water washed over us was enough to make me sob into her freshly washed hair. I never wanted her to doubt my love for her. Yet here I was showing attraction to two different people and that wasn't fair to her. Sure it hadn't been spoken about nor did she know about the relationship Ethan and I shared when we were much younger. She had a right to know. I knew that. I also knew now wasn't the time to mention it.

I felt her put her full weight into me as the water droplets rolled down her soft skin. She seemed so fragile.  We seemed so fragile.  Maybe I was overthinking. Maybe I was making up scenarios that would never come. Her hand inched up tracing the wound on my chest underneath it's bandage. I tried not to wince but no matter how gently she caressed it with her fingertips it still stung like it did when it was given to me mere days ago.

'I can't believe he did this to you.' Her voice was barely a whisper as if she too were afraid it would shatter the solace we found behind a mere shower curtain.  I caught her hand in mine and placed it over my heart. I leaned in and kissed her as gently as I could muster. She returned it in kind but I could tell she had more to say. So of course I let her. 

'He hurt you Spence and all you've done is protect him. I want to understand but I can't seem to wrap my head around why you'd protect a man that did such awful things to you.' As she spoke I remembered why I let him get away with it. It was simple. I couldn't remember who had actually hurt me. If it were him or Lindsey.  I never coherently saw her. I only saw him and I felt like that was deliberately done. 

'Sweetheart, do you trust me and my judgment on the matter?' As I spoke I pulled away from her to turn the water off and grab a towel wrapping her up in one first before I grabbed my own to dry myself off too. I watched in awe as she dried off and her breast jiggled as she did so. I had to turn my gaze away. Now was certainly not the time to be trying to bed my wife. I would be lying though if I said I didn't want to distract myself from everything that had happened these past few days.

Her and I both needed rest. She needed to eat first to take her medicine.  That was top priority not my raging lust for her. 'I do. I just. I don't know there's things I don't know that I need to know before I make my final judgement on the situation. All I know is that my husband has been sexually touched, kidnapped and tortured in a matter of days and there was nothing I could do to change the outcome besides not walking out of the bureau when Cat touched you through your slacks!'  

I could hear the frustration in her voice as she pulled on her panties and one of my t-shirts from college.  I watched her as she quickly left the bathroom to head into the kitchen. I quickly slid on my gray sweats and rushed after her. I didn't like the idea of her being alone when she was angry and not in a great state of mind. 

'I'm sorry.' I pulled her into me as she began to make herself toast. I placed a kiss on the junction between her neck and shoulder. 'I should have stopped the whole thing sooner. I just kept trying because I was certain if I did she'd slip up but she never did.' 

By now I knew how Y/N's mind worked. 'Spencer you didn't stop her because you didn't want to. Whether you understand your attraction to her or not. You've always wanted to sleep with her. You yourself told me so when we were just friends. Don't start lying to me now about things' She pulled away from me and took the toast and her glass of water to the couch.

I realized then that she had actually made me some toast as well. I turned around to grab my own glass of water and her medicine. I sat beside her and sighed. 'Eat first then take your medicine. If you are feeling up to it I'll tell you before we go to bed tonight. Everything you need to know and probably things you'd rather not hear but as my wife and my best friend you have the right to know everything.' 

She nodded as she bit into her food. Tears were silently streaming down her face already. I knew right now that it wasn't because of me. Not fully anyway she was just overwhelmed.  

We ate in silence. I handed her; her pills and she took them without complaint. If anything she seemed rather numb to everything around her.

'Maybe telling you should wait.' I said as I pulled her to me. 'Thank you for not fighting with me about taking your medicine.' I kissed her cheek. 'I'm proud of you and how well you've held yourself together while I was gone.' She wasn't codependent on me per say but praise was always something I gave her. Especially after mom started to pick fights with me about her medication.  Y/n was a walk in the park for me compared to her. She always felt bad that I needed to take care of her when she wasn't in her right state of mind. 

To be honest though I love taking care of her. She was perfectly capable of doing anything and everything on her own but she trusted me enough to shut her brain off for a bit and let me take the reins for a few hours or even days. Right at this moment was one of those times. It's not like I didn't have days and times like her where I shut my mind off as well because I did and she would baby me and look after me like I am her at this very moment. 

'I'd rather you tell me right now. I don't have the urge to fight or to do much of anything.' I nodded as I pulled her up with me and led her to the bed laying down with her and holding her from behind.

'First and foremost. I am in love with you with every fiber of my being. I don't ever want you to doubt that but I'll understand after I tell you everything if you do but I need you to always remember I will choose you without hesitation, without question.' She nodded after I was done. My fingers traced up and down her hand as I held her as close as possible. 

'I'll always be your best friend first. Then your wife. That was something I told you on our wedding day and I plan to stick by that choice. I only ask that you stay remaining honest with me. I can't stand not knowing what's going on in your mind. As long as we stay honest with one another I know that we can make it through anything.' She pulled my hand up to her lips and kissed it and I couldn't help but sigh in relief. She was more than I deserved and I don't think anyone would ever understand how much I didn't deserve her.

'I'm not sure if it was Ethan that hurt me. I know he was the one to kidnap me but other than that I don't believe it was him. He would never hurt someon-' I stopped myself as I was searching for the right words. I could tell she was waiting with baited breath. 'Ethan would never hurt me like that would most likely be the proper word to say.'

She nodded 'You're holding back love. Just say what needs to be said.  I can take it.'

I bit my lip and exhaled. 'Ethan wouldn't hurt me like that because he has been in love with me since college. We um.. he was- i-' I was struggling trying to form words. The past Ethan and I had together was a good one but he was also my first heartbreak. 

'He was your first love huh? It's okay Spence we all have a past. Some of us just don't stay close to those from it.' As she spoke she rolled over to face me with a soft smile on her lips. 'Keep going. It's okay.' I know all of her wanted to cup my face but she restrained herself and just made due fiddling with my wedding band on my finger. Which is something she always did when we were having a deep conversation. I knew as long as she was playing with mine and not her own that we were okay.

`We were friends for a long time before him and I became intimate with one another.  We always sorta stepped around the subject but one day after class he asked me out on a movie date. One thing led to another and I was in his room and we- we slept together.' She nodded again telling me to continue as her eyes stayed on her moving fingers. 

I made a face. It's not the fact that I didn't want to tell her it was just the fact that I didn't know how. 

'We dated all of college and then we separated when I joined the academy. I made it and he didn't.  We grew apart. One thing led to another and I caught him in a very intimate position with someone. He claimed that the other person involved was the one that started it. He didn't have time to react before I walked out.' 

I didn't dare look at her. I knew it was dumb of me to still be so hurt by what happened between him and I but I was. I trusted him deeply even to this day but I just couldn't let go of the way it looked like that wasn't their first kiss. No matter how many times he proved to me that it was.

Her hand moved to cup my face as she kissed away the small tears that I was shedding.

'I'm sorry he broke your heart Spencer.  You didn't deserve that.'

'After I left we never fully spoke again. I never gave him the time of day. Not fully.  We'd talk as friends and we'd talk for cases such as where Jj met Will but other than that I just shut anything to do with him out.'

I looked at her finally, my vision blurry with unshed tears and she looked at me and smiled softly at me. 'The truth is I was in love with him.  After him I fell in love with Maeve. Then I met you and it's like everything started making sense again.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't drawn to you originally because in some aspects you reminded me of him.  I think that was one of the reasons I first realized I was attracted to you.'

She pulled me in suddenly and kissed me sweetly on the lips.  'I love you Spencer. You and the things that make you, you now. We need to talk about Catherine but I'm getting very very sleepy and all I want from you right now is for you to let me drown in you and pretend for a small amount of time that these past few days haven't happened.' 

I pulled her into me and held her as she buried her face into my hair.  'I love you Mrs Reid more than you will ever be able to comprehend.'

With that we both fell asleep for the first time in 4 days. 

Taglist:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars

[clood]

Secret Valentine here!

What are some of your favorite hxh headcanons you wished people talked about more?

hello there friend!! you have opened the lid to pandora's box, my apologies for the word-vomit that is about to ensue!!

gosh, lately the headcanon i've been thinking about nonstop is more of a theory, now that i think about it, but still ^^;;

it's the one where people think that kurapika will end up marrying neon and becoming the true head of the nostrade family??? and if you think about it, it makes such heartbreaking sense, right? kurapika needs a way into the true underbelly of the rich people's world and he can't very well do this as a simple bodyguard. nostrade dies, leaving neon as his only heir, and kurapika swoops in and takes his position... this is his ticket to getting the last few pairs of eyes that elude him!! and it has such potential for heartbreak not only on his side (sterile, non-kurtan wedding, no feelings, going through the motions and essentially selling himself for his quest for revenge) but ALSO for leorio, who would probably only read about it in the papers and finally have to give up on kurapika ever coming back to him or ever being attainable for him... he finally gives up on calling and just... moves on. he's still kurapika's no. 1 supporter, but he does his worrying and praying in the confines of his own heart now.

the bit about leorio, obviously, would be just felt by us leopika fans rather than actually witnessed in canon BUT STILL. the thing that has people thinking about this as an actual possibility is that many people in canon have referred to kurapika as the "head" of the nostrade family.

i also have recently written about how i hc that killua lives with chronic pain from all of the abuse and training his family put him through. and i think it was subdee who mentioned this, but illumi definitely lives with something similar. killua was just taught from watching illumi at a young age that it's nothing and it's weak to show that you feel pain, so he doesn't tell anyone about it. and so he's living with these awful reminders of his past every day and doesn't seek help until gon or leorio finally notice and tell him it's normal(ish) to deal with stuff like this and there may be resources available to help mitigate some of the discomfort.

also unsure if this last one is a headcanon or not but i'd like to believe that gon never gets his nen back. not as any sort of punishment or failure on his end to regain control of it, but more so as a thoughtful conclusion to his growth that, hey, maybe he doesn't need it back to be happy and successful. kind of like the ending to fullmetal alchemist (spoiler, sorry), but i'd like for him to realize his worth outside of raw power and being this ridiculous nen machine—he doesn't have to prove to himself or anyone else that he is strong enough. also i hc that he grows his hair out as a reminder to never give up on his life again and that it's okay for him to be vulnerable and ask for help. he'd probably cut it again when he's older and realizes that those reminders need only be felt in his heart, but i want him to have his angsty 20s and then become a fully realized version of himself in his 30s.

jesus. that was a lot. thank you for asking, though!! i love talking about this shit!!!

[lambourngb]

1 Hi! I saw the Michael wants a family w/ Alex thread & saw you're maybe planning a fic. First off I am such a fan and feel free to delete this if it in anyway offends bec i I swear it's never my intent. It's your fic and you can 1000% write w/ever you want. I can't figure out how to reply to the thread but I saw someone putting in a request not to shade M for not wanting kids. So I thought maybe it'd be okay to reach out too w/ a concern (i hope I'm not overstepping, if so ignore me please).

2 I get that the idea of including her in the 1st place was from a comment who wanted a fun petty moment (no judgement) but it grew to addressing Michael's passiveness. I just wanted to put it out there that I hope incl. her doesn't come off as if she's the 1st option for this. Given the OG text post, it'd be great if Alex is the 1st person Michael thinks of when thinking about a child. The idea of it being a last resort or that he went to someone else 1st just makes me so anxious and sad.

3 I feel like Alex deserves better & that Michael chooses him because he wants to not bec he has no options so I hope it isn't written like that. The show forcing things is tiring me out and it's making me anxious about things I'm usually pretty chill about. I don't even know if you will write it and I don't mean any harm. I hope you're not mad and I didn't offend & this isn't coming off as whiny or demanding, I was just rly hoping to reach out to voice a concern. Thanks for reading.

Hi Nonnie- first of all, thank you. I’m glad you enjoy my writing! That’s always nice to hear. And second of all, I’m not offended and I completely understand your anxiety about Alex being a second choice here with Michael. I’ve always believed that Maria has been Michael’s second choice in canon. He’s convinced himself that things are too hard with Alex and it’s best to give up. I hate that for Michael because it says a lot of things about his non-existent self esteem and his abandonment issues. Anyway, my “Michael wants a family” story is just a nebulous idea at the moment and is obviously something I won’t dive into until I finish off Last Year’s Wishes. I basically smack my brain with a rolled up newspaper and say “No! focus on the thing you started before you start another!”.

When I am ready to dive in- here’s what I’m thinking and hopefully this helps gauge your future interest in this story- like Last Year’s Wishes, I like to write from one limited point of view. I have only tried briefly to write from Michael’s POV, but I feel like this story has to be told from his and that’s intimidating as hell, haha, especially because I feel a deep connection to Alex.

What we know from canon regarding kids and a family is- Michael wants a family. Other than Isobel leaving the door open for herself in the future, he’s the only one who has definitively said he wants kids. I don’t know how Maria or Alex feels about kids, Maria I think I can guess on (more on that below), but Alex, other than saying that Roswell felt like home for the first time because of Michael (triggering Maria’s iconic line “Home can be a person”) hasn’t said much in the way of marriage and family. The fact he bought or rented a house in Roswell, instead of the cabin - maybe that signals he wants to set down roots? Maybe he just hated the commute from the cabin?

Maria is a little easier for me to make a guess over, and I could be wrong, but she’s been working extremely hard to support herself and her mother for many years. Did she dream about being a singer? Did she ever want to leave Roswell? We don’t know, but she is savvy with money and is constantly looking for opportunities to better her position in life financially. And that financial security is still shakey with her 24/7 hustle. Nursing home care in the US is so costly it could be considered a crime, and with Mimi not being old enough to qualify for social security or medicare, that cost is on Maria’s shoulders. From a young age- Maria’s entire focus on the future was based around the knowledge that she was going to have to take care of her mother. I don’t know if that leaves energy for the idea of taking care of a child. Maria also knew she too would face this neurological disorder at some point and become a burden herself. Now does the bracelet stop her decline? How long does the pollen’s keep things in check? And if she does keep her mind healthy and intact, what sort of thing would she be passing on to a more-than-50 percent alien child?

Again I could be projecting my own feelings here, but I just get the vibe that Maria has a lot of caretaker burnout still and is reaching for things that make her feel good in the moment but is in no hurry to take on another big future responsibility outside of making enough money to survive.

And what does that mean for Michael’s relationship with her? If he wants to have a long-term relationship with Maria, he would have to let go of the idea of kids. Here’s the thing, that Michael himself said, he’s good at giving up. He gave up college, he gave up on hope/people, he gave up on the idea he could have a happy ending with Alex- everywhere you look in canon, you see him holding up empty hands when it comes to things he wants and basically saying “I tried for a bit, it was hard, so I’m done trying” (and personally I think he tried for 10 years with Alex, the longest and most stubborn grab for happiness).

Other people get him to keep pushing past that impulse to give up - Liz when it came to curing Isobel, Liz again when it came to saving Max, and Alex- when it came to looking for some hope in a dark story (Nora and Tripp). So I want Michael to be the one who pushes himself past that impulse. I want him to come face to face with his oldest, most wanted desire (A family) and draw a line in the sand, and so no, “I want this, I want this for me” and not back away when it causes conflict with someone else.

But here’s the thing, Michael’s so used to “going where you want me” that I think even in the face of Maria saying “you know, kids aren’t in the future here” he would still try to make it work. I have long joked that I ship everyone on RNM with a therapist (except for Kyle, who is perfect) but I really want Michael to seek out help. I think he would go, but for entirely the wrong purpose- in my story, he would go see a therapist and say to them, “I can fix a busted transmission, but I can’t fix this. Can you help me with this? She doesn’t want a family but I do. How can I change myself”

And oh boy is that a pandora’s box for a therapist. Digging into the meat of you don’t think people will stay so you push them away- Alex, then when they do express they want you, you don’t believe it will last so why bother trying again. In the process of Michael trying to fix himself so he can preserve his relationship with Maria, he discovers though guidance - that he can’t be a good partner if he’s not good to himself, and letting someone else’s desires supersede his own isn’t healthy. Then finding the balance after you figure out you can say no- because compromise is also important.

Somewhere in this mess is Sanders, who after hearing that Michael’s ready to ditch the idea of being someone’s dad, shakes him by the shirt collar. Explaining to Michael that just maybe he should have tried harder all those years ago to be someone who could adopt him, that shame never leaves him. Trying twice was good but not good enough, who’s to say the third time wouldn’t have been successful? But somewhere along the line Sanders decided it was easier to be the old gin-soaked junkyard dog than be someone who was willing to do the work of sobriety. Does Michael want to follow in his footsteps? Leave some kid in a place they don’t belong if he has the ability and desire to provide a home? And Michael decides he is done telling himself it won’t work out, that he wants this with an impulse stronger than his self-defeatist instincts.

And that is the death knell on his relationship with Maria- incompatible.

Then, because I’m a Malex shipper through and through, there’s Alex. He’s shown up for Michael all through season 2. And in my eyes, they’ve worked on their friendship (drown in those 2x04 feels) and Michael calls him for advice, lays out what’s going on with him and Alex supports him on that path to being happy. Alex gently probing him about how long he’s had this dream of being a parent, hearing how it predated senior year, but after senior year Michael inserted Alex into the dream. Michael sharing even after everything, he still thinks of Alex of being there, maybe an uncle? And Alex, overwhelmed by how serious Michael was and maybe still is? Takes it slow, this can’t be a rebound, just urges him to take the small steps, like mentoring with Big Brothers/Big Sisters or through the YMCA.

Those logical steps get escalated when Michael discovers a hitchhiker stowed away in flatbed of his tow trunk after a stop at a rest area. He sees himself in this angry, but desperate kid. He doesn’t want to give the kid up and so he calls on Alex yet again, to do a background check to make sure the story is true and then pleads for him to help. Make Michael foster-parent worthy in the eyes of the law. I don’t know if this skirts the fear you have that Alex is the last resort? In my mind, his two oldest desires are having a kid AND having Alex, and once he works out he can have the first, he realizes that all is not lost with Alex as well.

Anyway my very long thoughts on this story I AM NOT WRITING RIGHT NOW: a take on ‘fake engagement because of CPS’ where Alex installs Michael into his house all so they could give a home to this stray kid.