#palm's is the most interesting to me bc he's struggling with wanting to take care of neung but not wanting the pressure of it being a duty

[mineonmain]

So I hope we can all come to a consensus and collectively agree that we’re renaming NLMG to Daddy Issues: The Series

[yoonpobs]

Omg requests are open AAAHHH

may i request an oblivious oc and tsundere yoongi who likes holding oc's hands and idk like maybe oc thinks it's bc his hands are cold and his friends make fun of him and oc only realizes yoongi likes her when they spill his secret

as a yoongi stan, this is my guilty pleasure and this absolutely KILLED ME ily for asking this 🤣and double update today???? who am I????? 

hope you enjoy this v fluffy and v yoongi piece <3

pairing: tsundere!yoongi x oblivious&clumsy!oc

genre: FLUFFFFFFFFFFFFF

warnings: lots of squealing into ur pillow moments. taehyung, jimin & jin being the saviours tbh

words: 3, 136

Yoongi is staring at you like you spilt milk over his favourite pair of sneakers and you have no idea what to make of it.

“Uh …” You drag, blinking up at him with wide eyes when all he does is level you with a blank stare.

You can hear the distinct chatter of your friends in the background, likely already having their go skating around the rink. They always left you and Yoongi alone, for whatever reason it may be. But you weren’t complaining, you wanted to give him your gift in private!

But when Yoongi only stares at the mass of knit in your palms as you hold it out to him, you can only feel your ears flush an embarrassing shade of red at the subtle gesture of rejection. 

Yoongi was by no means a malicious person, but he was very clear-cut. He was straightforward and it was definitely one of his qualities that you admired the most about him. His ability to mitigate any situation, or look at things objectively was something that you struggled with for the most part of your life. Which is why some people would mistake him for cold or uncaring, but you knew better. 

“Do you … do you not like it?” You ask meekly, eyes darting everywhere but his as they continue to stare you down.

Yoongi doesn’t say a word. Instead, he grabs your hands with his larger palm where your gift lays and observes it, scrutinises it as if he’s there to pick apart any stray strand of yarn. His hand, despite his exterior, is soft and gentle when he holds you; and your brain short-circuits for a good five seconds when he traces a thumb over your knuckles.

“It’s cute.” He shrugs.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. Your eyes dart down to your hands and somehow you find them in a familiar position. His fingers intertwined with yours and his palm engulfing yours entirely.

“T-Then why don’t you—” You try to pull away, making an effort to dangle your hand-woven mittens in front of him in hopes of attracting his appeal towards it.

But he doesn’t even bat an eye, just sighs and squeezes your hand tighter.

“I’m holding your hand.” He says pointedly, shooting you a serious stare.

You stutter for a response, and despite the chill in the air you hope he can allude to the redness of your cheeks a result of the wind that blows past you and not the flustered state you find yourself in when he tugs your body closer to his.

You suppose you found a bad spot to give him the mittens because you nearly stumble into his chest at how wobbly you are on skates. You planned his gift for weeks, fully aware that your group of friends was intending on coming to ice-skate. 

“I’m really bad at ice-skating. I’ll just slow you down.” You huff with a frown, still attempting to tug your hand away.

Yoongi rolls his eyes, “I literally don’t care.”

You gape at his bluntness and scowl when he only offers you a lazy smirk. His hand is still tightly wrapped around your own, and you sigh, knowing that it was hopeless to fight against Yoongi when he was far stronger than you were.

“I can skate with Tae or something, he and I are pretty much—“

“No.” Yoongi blinks.

You splutter, “E-Excuse—?”

He snatches the mittens from your other hand and shoves them into his pocket. The action is so quick that you can barely register the way Yoongi is tugging your forehead as you flounder on your feet, already feeling unstable at the way the ice is set on making you fall.

But Yoongi is there like he always is, and he rests a gentle palm on your waist and shoots you a rare and soft smile that makes your heart weak.

“I’ll teach you.” He says it like it’s obvious, “Just hold my hand.”

“Yoongi, I really don’t think—” You weakly protest when he pulls you closer until you’re nestled comfortably by his side, his face set forward as he blatantly ignores you.

“Stop being so stubborn and hold on tight.” He scolds, squeezing your hand when he feels your fingers loosen its grip.

You pout, your other hand patting your cheek in hopes of easing the burning of your cheeks.

.

Lest to say, you are horrid at ice-skating and you wished you stayed home.

Your two left feet was probably the least interesting thing about you, yet it was the one thing that left a lasting impression on the people you’ve met. Whether it be because you tripped up a flight of stairs as you rushed to your next lecture, or if you accidentally torpedoed into a bush while you were attempting to penny

“How are you even real?” He huffs, fingers intertwined tightly with your own. You’re grateful he has a lethal grip on you because you don’t think you’re ready to be doused in ice, even if it was at your own accord.

“I’m sorry!” You whine, hand still clasped with his.

Yoongi doesn’t let go, even if you’re stable on your feet. He never does. He only holds your hand tighter, grumbling something about your clumsiness as he uses his spare hand to adjust the strap of his bag over his shoulders. When he shoots you a look, you feel very much like a scolded child as you pout up at his narrowed eyes.

“What would you do if I wasn’t holding your hand, huh?” He laments, eyes rolling while he tugs you towards the direction of your friends who have somehow all gathered at the corner of the rink.

You stare at your feet, tittering to keep up with his long strides as he keeps the hold on your hand firm. 

“Look, I don’t ask to be swept away—!” You retort petulantly, but Yoongi completely ignores you as he squeezes your hand in response, right as he stops in front of your friends.

You’re still sulking when Yoongi doesn’t let go, shooting you a look that has you pursing your lips shut. 

“Lovely for the two of you to join us,” Jimin snorts.

Yoongi doesn’t say anything, but you miss the lethal glare he shoots at your mutual friend.

“I’m sorry that my skating skills can’t keep up with you,” You huff.

You see Jin’s eyes dart down to your intertwined hands, before looking up; a knowing smirk on his face that you can’t decipher.

“Seems like Yoongi has it all settled.” He snickers, nudging Jimin by the side.

You can feel Yoongi roll his eyes next to you, even if you pout at Jin’s words.

“At this rate, I think you’re basically joined by the hands,” Jimin says smugly.

You blink.

“She’ll fall,” Yoongi says blankly.

“Look, I said I’d skate with Tae but he’s so adamant!” You cry.

Yoongi shoots you a dry glare, before briefly releasing your hand. You splutter for a second, surprised at the sudden coldness that engulfs your grip and the emptiness that you feel when he no longer has his fingers intertwined with your own.

“What—?” You furrow your brows but Yoongi pats you on the hand to ease your confusion.

“I’m getting you hot chocolate. Your hands are freezing.” He murmurs, and to prove his point; he grabs your fingers and rubs soothing circles on your knuckles to provide you with any warmth he could.

If your hands weren’t warm, then your cheeks definitely were. You couldn’t hold eye contact with Yoongi because he was staring at you so intently that you may have been the one to melt into a puddle on the ice.

“But the mittens—!” You call, but he’s already skating away to the confectionary stand where they sell hot chocolate.

You sigh, dejected as you frown. Did he really hate the mittens that much?

“You are so stupid.” Jin gawks at you with a shake of his head.

You turn your head so fast that you nearly fall over, but Jimin’s grip on your wrist prevents you from doing so.

“And clumsy, God, no wonder hyung won’t let you go.” He scolds.

You frown, “Hey! What the hell is up with the slander?” You whine.

Taehyung stumbles into the conversation, quite literally almost smashing his body against the divider but he manages to balance himself by gripping the hell out of Jin’s shoulders.

“You deserve it,” He sticks his tongue out as you gape at him.

“What?! Why?” You hiss, “You literally just entered the conversation!”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “And I’ve had to see you and hyung doddle around each other for ages so spare me the fucking brain cells because clearly, you need it more than I do.”

“What—?” You splutter.

“You are literally the densest person on this planet.” Jin blinks.

“What are you guys even talking about?” You cry.

Jimin shoots you a dry look, willing the God’s above to give you a semblance of rationality or logic to put two and two together.

“The hand-holding? The constant going out of his way to do things for you? The fact that you’re the only person he’ll ever smile at even if you do the dumbest shit ever?” Taehyung exasperates.

You blink.

“It’s winter and his fingers get really cold—!”

Jin groans, tugging at his hair in frustration.

“No, you idiot! Yoongi literally doesn’t get cold. He’s the human equivalent of a furnace! He literally doesn’t give a shit if he freezes to death. The only reason why he ever holds your hand is that he wants to!” He yells, grabbing you by the shoulder as he shakes your body while you stare up at him with wide eyes.

Does that mean—?

“He hates the mittens?” You cry, face crumbling.

You see Taehyung, Jimin and Jin’s face fall as they all share a look of disbelief.

“I’m sorry but I have no way to defend you.” Jimin blinks.

“I just wanted to do something nice for him! He’s always taking care of me and I thought knitting him a pair of mittens would help with the cold …” You mumble, eyes darting down to your feet as your voice trails off into a whisper.

“Okay, I know I promised hyung I wouldn’t say anything until she figured it out herself but I can’t take it anymore.” Taehyung seethes to the other boys.

Your eyes dart up, furrowing in confusion as Jimin and Jin’s eyes widen at Taehyung’s statement.

“Figured what—?”

“Dude, Yoongi is going to kill you,” Jin warns.

Taehyung scoffs, “Like I give a shit. I’m losing brain cells listening to her speak so this is an act of self-preservation. He’s going to thank me and so are you.”

“What are you—?” You huff.

“Yoongi likes you!” He exasperates, throwing his hands into his air.

The silence is overwhelming, as the four of you simply blink at each other. Your brain is processing his words, but it doesn’t really make sense. You’re confused as you attempt to deduce the meaning behind it until you come to a conclusion—

You look over at Jimin, “Are the two of you—?”

Jimin wants to scream.

“No, oh my God! Yoongi likes you! You!” He shakes you so hard that your head spins, “He likes you so much it’s disgusting and cute so you better do something about it and not accustom us to this torture anymore, okay?!”

Before you can say anything else, you feel a gentle hand on your shoulder. You blink up, and you see Yoongi offering you a cup of hot chocolate, eyeing the rest of the boys weirdly as they stand there with tightened expressions.

“Here you go,” He says softly, helping you blow onto the steaming cup before gently placing it into your hand.

It warms you up immediately, and you only then managed to piece together what Taehyung and Jimin just told you. The realisation dawns upon you as a scandalised expression makes its way onto your face. Yoongi raises an eyebrow, observing the odd behaviour of the four of you as the three boys ignore his pointed gaze.

“L-Let’s go take a seat,” You stutter, pushing on his chest with your free hand as you attempt to skate away from the wandering eyes. The pressure was too much.

“Hey, hold on, you’ll fall.” He gently chides, doing what comes as second nature to him as he grabs your other hand, giving you a squeeze of reassurance.

As the two of you skate away, you miss the sighs that leave the three boys’ lips.

“So, is there a reason why you tried to skate away like you were an Olympian?” Yoongi asks when the two of you managed to settle down in a small bench outside of the rink, tucked a decent distance away.

You look down at your palms, squeezing around the hot chocolate as you pay attention to the steam that escapes the surface.

The words from Jimin was essentially still haunting you, and you wondered if this was some sick joke of his to get back at you for mixing up his toothpaste with his shampoo a few months back. You sulk because this was a really mean joke and your feelings were about to get really hurt if he was lying to you.

“Hey,” Yoongi murmurs, hand reaching out to tilt your chin up to look at him. His stare is so intense that you find yourself cowering away, cheeks red and embarrassed. “Look at me.”

You can’t.

“I-I … there’s nothing wrong!” You squeak, eyes travelling and landing on different people that wasn’t Yoongi. Anyone that wouldn’t cause your insides to melt with just his gaze alone.

Yoongi purses his lips in disapproval, sighing before he sets his hot chocolate by the table next to the bench and turns to face you. You knew that you had no place to run, especially when Yoongi essentially traps you with his eyes, observing your every move.

“You’re shaking.” He points out.

And only then do you realise that you were shaking, and your hands were basically vibrating with the hot chocolate. You cursed at yourself, and the cold.

“I-I’m cold.” You chatter.

Yoongi frowns, reaching out his hand to immediately grab your own to warm them up. But when you spot his hands, you squeak, immediately retracting them as if he was about to bite them off. 

You realise how it looks, and you notice the slight drop in Yoongi’s expression when you reacted the way you did.

“Are you—?” He begins to ask, slow and tentative.

“Not my hands!” You blurt out.

Yoongi pauses for a second before he relaxes his posture and raises a brow at you in questioning.

“Okay …?” He drags, “Where are you cold? Do you need my jacket?” He asks.

You curse at yourself because you didn’t know how to get yourself out of this situation. Especially now that Yoongi was patiently waiting for your response. Your thighs were essentially brushed up against each other, and his body was leaned over ever so slightly that you catch every strand of eyelashes on his eyes.

You were so weak.

“N-No, I … you can keep your jacket.” You stutter, shaking your head as you pat his puffer down when he goes to shrug it off.

Yoongi’s frown deepens, “Well, can you tell me where so I can help—?”

“My lips!” You declare, voice high pitched and loud enough that it attracts a few stares from bystanders.

Yoongi just stares at you, and you’re mortified when you realise what you said, but you can’t seem to stop now that you’ve already dug a hole for yourself.

“My … lips … they’re ... cold,” You clear your throat, blinking up at him with a false sense of determination in hopes of shielding the way your face is undoubtedly on fire right now.

“Your lips … are cold?” He articulates each world tentatively as he observes your face for any reaction.

You nod.

“Yeah. Cold.” You say.

Oh my God, shut up!

Before you can even run away, and it’s as if Yoongi expects you to flee, he pins your hands down with his own and draws closer to your face so quickly that you can barely even catch his next move.

And kisses you.

Smack on the lips.

He pulls away too fast for your liking, and you’re gaping at him like a fish out of the water when you realise what he did.

“You—” You croak, pointing a finger at him.

But Yoongi leans in once more, pressing a firmer kiss to your lips, one that sends your brain into overdrive as you feel yourself melt into his hold. If you were cold, you definitely weren’t anymore. Not when Yoongi is pressed against you like a warm lover by the fireplace.

He pulls away first, again, and you notice the tip of his ears turning red before he offers you that charming smile of his.

“Took you long enough,” He sighs, reaching out to cradle your jaw in his palm. And only then do you realise that Jimin was right, his hand is warm.

“W-What?”

He rolls his eyes fondly, ignoring the way you stare up at him with confused and wide eyes; likely still absorbing what just happened.

“Just hold my hand,” He tuts, reaching in between the both of you to intertwine your fingers together once more as he rests your combined hands on his lap.

“Does this mean …?” You ask shyly, head ducking away from his eyes.

He smiles at you, and you notice that it’s the same look he’s always had whenever he speaks to you.

He brings the back of your hand to his lips and presses a gentle peck to it, causing heat to rise to your cheeks all over again.

“You warm now, cutie?” He murmurs.

You melt, “Oh my God! Don’t—just—I’m literally going to die!” You whine, shoving your face into his puffer as you scream at his suaveness.

He chuckles, low and deep as he unlocks your hands to wrap an arm around your body, tugging you closer until you’re practically glued to his hip like a koala.

“Don’t die on me now,” He sighs, “Just got you to myself.”

“I hate you so much.” Your complaint is muffled into his puffer, but you can feel his grin on the top of your forehead when he presses a warm kiss to it.

“That’s disappointing. I like you very much,” He returns.

You blush, but you don’t push him away when he laughs into your hair, the sound making you melt further into his arms.

You liked him, too.

[jchnstones]

John Stones | all your midnights

song inspo: lost it to trying - son lux

In which John takes (y/n) for a midnight drive as they reminisce about past endeavours in the city.

bc the scene in paper towns is too cute xo

~

"where do you want to go tonight, then?" John mumbles, his voice low.

-

It was one thirty in the morning; almost the same time that every other endeavour took place. Most nights the excuse was that you couldn't sleep due to your insomnia, but other times it was purely out of  eagerness; the excitement the city brought out in you.

You loved Manchester, especially at night time. The roads were clear and the world was asleep; it was the perfect opportunity to have quiet time & spend time with John all at once.

Above all the things you loved about this city, it was the lights that you adorded the most. They were the lungs of the night. they helped the night progress, almost like blood through veins. Without the pulsating bursts of colour throughout the city, everything would be less beautiful.

-

You sigh, buckling up your seatbelt. You really didn't mind where you went tonight, as long as you had John by your side, nothing really mattered.

"I'm not sure tonight," you mumble, turning to face him. You watch as he struggles to get the key in the ignition, a frown forming on your face. You could tell he was tired which made you a little upset-you didn't want him to go out of his way just to make you feel even remotely tired when he was exhausted.

"We don't have to go anywhere if you're too tired, John."

He finally fits the key in its hole before turning to you. Smiling weakly at you, he places his hand on your lower thigh.

"don't be silly, love. it's not fair on you. besides, i'm warming to the nightlife, you know. it's fascinating."

You beam at him, letting out a small sigh. John was so selfless sometimes, but you adored how understanding he was.

"alright then, how about we just take the normal route, through town & down past the stadium?" 

He nods, squeezing your thigh softly before placing both hands on the wheel, ready to go.

He adjusts his feet to the correct peddles and shifts into gear, ready to start your little night journey.

-

You could feel your heart starting to race. it was nothing different from any other night, but being reunited with the familiar feeling made you feel at ease.

The first few minutes of the journey were always silent. nothing was ever awkward with John, it was always comfortable. he knew that you'd be too interested in your surroundings to talk to him anyway. Apart from the odd question of well being, he depended on you to start conversation when you were ready.

you pass the places you always forget about; the fancy restaurants john takes you to on date nights, the stores you knew you spend too much money at, the places which held the warmest memories. it was almost like reminiscing on your whole entire life, but the journey had only really just started.

"You okay y/n?" he asks quietly, breaking the silence.

"i'm good." you reassure, a little bit louder than his tone.

you're stopped at a traffic light, probably the least exciting part of the night. John loved sneaking glances at you during these short intervals; you could feel his eyes burn through you every time.

.

"hey sweetheart, tell me what you're thinking about." he mutters.

you take a few minutes to process your thoughts fully before spilling them into the air.

"I am so utterly in awe of this city, you know? it's beautiful. and it's thanks to you i get to see it so often. i appreciate you taking care of me, my love. i'll always be thankful for you. "

you lean an arm against the door, resting your chin in your palm.

"no need to thank me," he mumbles, shifting the gear stick.

"you know, i really do care about you, y/n. I just struggle to find ways to show you."

you bite your lip, trying to hold back the smile that was threatening to spread across your face.

"you show me you care every other night when you drive up and down these same streets to settle me to sleep - and when you try to make me dippy eggs and soldiers in the morning sometimes. even when you pick up my favourite juice from the store of an evening, you show me you care. i will never take that for granted, john."

it's silent again - but you can almost hear the dimples forming in his cheeks.

-

Your eyes quickly scan each individual part of the street as you begin to pick up speed again, trying to take in as much as you possibly could before passing.

You press your finger to the window, pointing at the cinema you and john are regulars at, before passing quickly.

"Do you remember that one time Kyle took us to that cinema - before we were dating - and he spilled that- what was it? slush? he spilled that slush all down the front of your new shirt on purpose to see if you got mad in front of me."

you question, looking towards him.

John laughs, his eyes creasing at their corners.

"yeah, messed that whole night up for me. i didn't get mad, did i? he hasn't changed one bit. He's an absolute windup."

"no, no. you tried to put on that whiney voice he does when he's mad at you, you know, the one like,-"

you cough, adjusting your voice to mimic Kyle's.

"but johnnnn!" the both of you chorus.

you both burst into quiet laughter, the warm pump of blood rushing through your veins becoming more apparent.

To you, his laugh was the the most precious thing. It was nothing you could get bored of hearing, especially because there were so many different versions of it. It made you happy knowing he was happy too.

After you both finish laughing, you turn to face him, knowing he couldn't move his eyes off of the road. you took this moment to take him all in.

His natural hair and the way it curled into small loops that sat on is forehead. His eyes and how they were the most beautiful shade of green perhaps you'd ever seen.

How elegant and soft his pulp lips were, even just to look at. How his cheeks were a constant shade of soft, faded pink, a blushed colour; an indication of how colourful he was on the inside.

And it wasn't just his face. It was almost as though every aspect of his body, every bone and indent, was perfectly sculpted to fit who he ought to be.

-

2:30am.

You reach forward to turn the volume up.

You forgot about the mixtape John had made you last valentines day and how it's home was in the CD player. It was played so many times previously, you don't know how it wasn't scratched yet.

This was the part of the night where you rolled down the window and let the fresh air hit your skin. the part where nobody spoke, just the music. It was probably one of your favourite parts of the night. While the music blared through the car, you cared less now more than ever.

You turn your head towards the lonely looking streets. As you stick your arm outside of the window, and as the air rippled between your fingers, everything seemed to go in slow motion. It was almost like everything and everyone had disappeared. Nothing else mattered in that moment,

nothing at all.

And that was the point of all of these mishaps and adventures, to feel carefree. to feel bigger than the world itself.

For a moment, he unsticks his eyes from the quiet road and glues them to you, watching your face light up as your hair blew into your face and out the window. he giggled at how your fingers wiggled along to the music.

He smiles to himself. To him, this was what he agreed to these midnight mishaps for. You made him the happiest he'd been in forever. you never noticed how alive you made him feel.

-

As the song slowly ended, you pull your arm back into the car and winded up the window. you were now tired, but you hated showing you were to john.

"god you're so darn cute." he proclaims over the next song that starts to play, shifting gears again. you grin to yourself as you turn it back to its original volume. You rest your head back on the headrest as your eyes now again focus back on the outside world. Everything started to look familiar again which was a clear indication that home was fast approaching.

"you're tired, i can tell." he mumbles.

You fail to say anything yet again, but instead sigh. As your thoughts trail to how perfect the night had been and how you never wanted it to end, you could feel your eyes softly shutting, drifting into what you hoped to be a deep dream.

-

3:12am,

and back to a familiar place, buried underneath what seemed to be a dozen blankets. As you emerge from your sleep, he was there, smiling softly at you; his hand resting on your cheek as his thumb rubbed carefully in circles on your skin.

"we're home now, y/n, warm and safe."

you smile weakly as he spoke, putting together the missing pieces. you must've fallen asleep in the car and he must've carried you up here, back to the starting point and right back into bed.

"thank you, my love." you speak softly.

you place your hand on top of his as his thumb continues to do it's round of circles. your eyes are glued to his; the soft shade of greens and blues that mixed together still made you weak whenever you caught eye contact.

"Of course, little one. anytime." he replies, slowly standing up. he moves his hand away from your face, forcing your hand to fall back down on top of the duvet.

he bends down gradually, pressing his lips to your forehead. He holds them there for a few moments before pulling away, sighing.

"goodnight, y/n."  he whispers.

" goodnight, John." you whisper back.

.

And with him quietly crawling into the empty space next to you, your eyes start to flutter once more, drifting back into their same old oblivious world.

[beann-e]

hi I was on u-tube and saw a bakugou playlist for when he can’t sleep and I thought well , since I just hit 200 followers ( tysm;3 I love everyone who even took the time out of their day to press follow ) why not bring them this idea of y/n not being able to sleep & bakubabe lending his beautifully different services

also abt the sero line I have in here— I personally think it’d be cool if he just learned Spanish because, he has an interest in other cultures and languages but I don’t really see him being actually hispanic

also I really like writing baku bc he’s so rough with everything he says & I kin him so he’s the easiest so, I hope no one thinks I write him too much

Reader with bad mental health & bakugou lends a hand in his own way

No one cares and no one ever asks. Or at least that’s how you felt while standing here in your last period class your hands balled up in fist tightly held at your chest

Your head was pounding and body was aching you couldn’t describe why you were feeling so horrible all of a sudden but

you just were

maybe it was from all the nights you couldn’t fall aleep due to overthinking

maybe it was the way you got stuck on your phone or even your head dropped low eyes trailing over words in a book just trying to find something to take your mind off the fact that you were struggling

whatever the case was

right now in this last period class this wasn’t helping

“ look shitty woman “ you heard the boy huff “ I want to get a good score on this paired project and right now your fucking this up for me “

his anger was visibly present even if his voice was low to where only you could hear the annoyance that sat in it had everyone looking around for the culprit of the sudden change in the air

“ and I don’t like fuckups so get whatever you have going on together and let’s do this —ok? “

you shook your head and let out a soft ‘ok ‘

the fight ending quickly with bakugou staring down on you his hands on his knees face made up in anger “ you keep finding a way to fuck with me “

“ I didn’t even do anything to you “ your voice was soft and tired

his eyes squinting before sighing

“ I didn’t do anything to anyone “

“ cut this shit out right now “ he pulled you up off the ground hands in fists gripping at your shirt standing you up with his muscles alone “ get to your room — sleep off whatever the fucks going on with you “

His eyes dead set on you as you walked off everyone from the class watching as you failed to gain the strength to open the big doors that led you to your shared dorms

“ sero plea— “

“ got it hermosa “

“ really dude “

“ look it’s hot — and just cause we’re in japan doesn’t mean I can’t show off my online spanish lessons “

“ whatever “ denkis voice whined as he shook his head holding the other door open for you “ gonna get some sleep y/n ? “

you ignored the two boys head hung low as you walked to your room door

the strength appearing in your body as you opened it but, quickly dispersing when you found your bed.

Your face hitting your favorite pillow hand coming up to cradle underneath it as you sat on your knees butt high in the air tears coming out pouring into your blankets “ I won’t show — I won’t show it — I won’t get bad again “ you repeated like a chant

The light from outside disappearing as the day grew into night

several footsteps heard departing from your door when you didn’t answer the knocks . Their low calls of dinner was done , lunch was in the microwave , that you’d missed movie time , that you missed denkis attempt of asking jirou out , and todorokis miss understood question of what ‘ cuddles ‘ were when denki offered her his body to do so

“ and you assholes didn’t just think to open the door? ”

your bedroom door swinging open in a crash as the knob hit the wall behind it creating a hole

“ fucking assholes bothering me with this shit “

“ we didn’t even call you out of your room “

“ you came over to her room on your ow— “

bakugous hand moved swiftly to slam the door in their faces

“ bakubro we’ve been trying to get in there all day and your just—“

“ gonna close the door on us “ denki finished in annoyance “ seriously I just know y/n needs my charm right now “

he pouted behind the door “ it always cheers her up and I like her lau— “

“ didn’t ask to hear your fucking crush story charger base “

“ ass — kiri let’s go “

“ so no sleepy boob pics?“

bakugou stiffened hearing the purples freaks voice

“ so I came with you guys because you said she was sad and usually when girls are sad they don’t dres— “

bakugous voice was guttural as he put his forehead to the door voice loud enough for the boy to hear

“ hey — hey purple nurple “

“ I-uh — yes bakugou “

“ come here “ he could hear the small shuffle of feet to the door as he smirked softly

“ put your tiny head to the door — actually press your whole body up to the door —all the way “

“ are you trying to help me get one of y/n’s bras god —- of all people to help I never thought it’d be bakugo—“

“ hey just shh ok — you don’t want to ruin it right and make her wake up right “ he groaned inside his mind

“ she’s slept this long and through all of this— I can’t get you her bra if your loud right purple zit “

“ so so smart “

“ ok so here it is “

the room grew silent as bakugou pressed his palm as low as he could placing it on the door away from his standing body breathing in to suppress his anger so , he didn’t let out a major blast due to his mood

sighing before he felt his hand grow sweaty tiny pops coming out

“ hey bakugou —is my princess ok ? sounds like popcorn in there are her tit—“

it was quick as the door had a hole in it the newly created circle having black burn scratches on it as mineta laid burnt on the floor once purple body now black and smoke wafting off it

Bakugou squatting as he put his left hand above the hole to steady himself and his right one reaching out through it as he grimaced in pain at the stretch his fingers finally wrapping around minetas short body fingers interlocking around his neck as he looked through the new hole in the door eyes piercing into the boy he held

his voice low and dominating “ you ever come back to her room on some creep shit — and I blow your fucking brains out do you hear me “

“ y-yes sir “ mineta let out dazed “ I will stick to yao-“

“ that goes for all the girls you hear me — guys included I know your a little pervy fuck you can’t get your hands on girls underwear you’ll move on to dekus shitty tidy whities”

mineta was silent as bakugou threw him back on the floor watching as he crawled off

his body relaxing as he shook his mind burning.

head in his hands before wiping his face in exhaustion and standing up and turning to you when he felt the air in the room shift , his hands out in jazz hands and a fake smile on his face.

“ ta da “ he was met with your sitting body your pillow covering him from seeing you .

your face dropping in shock moving from his tall figure that stood inching over to the now huge hole that he was trying to hide from you

“ k-katsuki “

“ I told you about that “

“ s-sorry “

“ again I told you about that shit “ his gaze was hard on you

“ do it again and i’ll tell shitty hair to harden in the next hug he gives you — since you and that crappy puppy boy are always touching “ he mumbled

“ bakugou why are you — why does my door have a hole in it “

“ don’t worry about it “

“ h- w-how can I not worry about it my doors black“ you screamed in confusion “ it used to be brown bakugou “

“ bakugou it used to be this — bakugou — katsuki oh my gosh i’m sorry — god do you ever shut the fuck up and just be thankful “ he mocked you soon converting back to his anger ridden voice

“ and whats with this pillow take it away from you — I wanna see your fucked up face “

you sighed bringing the pillow from in front of your head his eyes having a look run through them that you couldn’t figure out but you knew it had something to do with how puffy your eyes felt . Even if they weren’t puffy or couldn’t get puffy you’d never known for a fact because it still felt like they were .

You two stared at each other as the silence grew louder him shoving his hands in his pocket before taking out the packet of pills he’d gotten for you shaking them to show you it wasn’t a weapon like Mr.Aizawa thought after finding him returning to school late and shaking him down like a police officer

his hand putting them on your desk

His other one throwing the water he found in the kitchen to your bed “ not throwing you the pills — need you to move around so you gotta come get em‘ “

your face showed no emotion as he nodded understanding the new tense and uncomfortable emotions thats were present “ ... ok — well got a green headed vegetable to go bully so “

you watched as his hands gripped the door swinging it open as you dropped your head eyes moving to the water in front of you “ why can’t I do anything right “

you cried “ why can’t the world — the days — the stars fucking align for me to feel good for once huh “

you felt even more tears prickle your eyes as your voice grew louder “ why can’t I talk to people without having this voice in the back of my mind screaming — raging like its having a party — why can’t I sit in silence without having to stand up every five seconds and move around because my body screams for attention — for movement because i’ve been sitting still for 5 seconds “

you heard the faint click of the door mouth still moving as if he were still there

“ why can’t I speak what I feel when people ask me“ you laughed shortly “ not like they do — because they can’t tell I just mask so well “

you let your face start to feel heavy and tense as you continued your crying rant into the empty room “ and most importantly why was I so bad at everything “ your eyebrows furrowed

“ why am I so bad at today ? “

“ just a day really ? “ you heard the taller males voice came out questioning

“ just today that’s what your worried about “

“ well I “

“ tch “ he shook his head before turning to face away from you his face dropping into a look he didn’t want you to see.

“ I-i’m sor— “ you knew he didn’t like you saying sorry or even using his first name you two had established that when he finally accepted your friendship or in his words

‘ you can hang around —like shitty hair but one sniff of blabber mouth and your gone ‘

“ I didn’t mean to spill to you I just — I — you can go —no one gives a shit anyways “

“ I will “

your body grew sad at his quick response

“ tell me what your most upset about “

your answer came quick as you let your brain take over “ I wake up in the middle of the night and can never fall back asleep when I do “

he moved to your door for a second time opening it to leave before pausing for a second speaking something to where you couldn’t hear much less make out

“ just knock “

he shook his head before closing the door softly to rival his usual mood.

Your body shaking when you finally realized you’d spilled out your mental thoughts to bakugou letting your body calm down before you grabbed the pills and silently thanked your friend before feeling yourself at some time finally fall asleep

It’s been days since you last felt that horrible it never stopped but you were able to hide it even more and live out your life the happiest you could

until one night you found you beating yourself up surprisingly not in real life but in your dreams

a loud gasp leaving your mouth as you sat up calming down only to bring your knees to your chest arms wrapped around them in a hug

your back moving to the wall to feel comforted after only feeling your cold hands and body wrapped around yourself

“ what I would give to have something warm “

‘warm ‘

your mind raced to bakugou trying to push the thoughts out your mind of him actually being a caring boyfriend who could help you like he did nights ago with bringing you medicine, a boyfriend who would let you snuggle into him and take all his warmt—

stop the track cause that song will never play you thought as you started to think about him again face made up in determination and focus as you tried to remember what he said that night feeling stupid when you finally remembered your quirk

the quirk that brought you pain and contributed to your mental health

your quirk allowed you to take pictures of everyone’s last moments you’d spent together with your thoughts

it was good in some aspects like right now when you could finally remember where sato helped you hide your candy bars from yourself so you wouldn’t indulge in them 2weeks ago

at the same time you can see your problem with it when the last moment you had of your mother was her kissing you goodbye before shapeshifting into a fire extinguisher and landing in your fathers hands as he screamed at you to run out of your home and get more help the last image you seeing of your father was him spraying the fire extinguisher all over the stove in hopes to calm it down before it spread but he couldn’t

it didn’t help when the pictures replayed in your mind like video home movies that you didn’t want to watch

whenever your quirk was used everything spun in your head like a movie reel the downside was it made you watch every single picture you’d taken until you found the one you were looking for

it didn’t take long before you finished your mom and dads memory and got to bakugous last moment you two spent together

you zooming in reading his lips turning up the volume on the moment as he spoke “just knock “

“ just knock ? “ you sat confused in your spot on the bed shaking off your quirk taking as long as needed to process his words only to be even more confused and just knocking on the wall twice between your two shared dorm rooms.

You never paid much attention to him being your neighbor it’s not like you needed him for anything so right now you were a bit curious in why he reminded you that you two shared walls

Eyes closing while you waited for whatever was supposed to happen

“ guess he didn’t mean it like th—“

your body softened when you heard music fill his room and overflow into yours

You heard the drums kick in as the lyrics played muffled through your wall

‘I listened to the cure

I listened to the cure

I listened to the cure

and then I cried ‘

your eyes widened before you felt your body relax against the wall eyebrows made up in content

eyes watering when you heard your two soft knocks returned on the wall behind you

you let your body go tenseness leaving as the song played moving to grab your phone with shaky hands seeing his name light up on your screen

Godzilla wannab

‘ no one gives a shit about your life right ? ‘

you cried even harder when you saw the message fit the song perfectly the words you spoke a couple days ago as if your were singing the lyrics

you looked around your room before falling on the dent he left in your wall grabbing your phone and zooming in on it to take a picture and sending it to him

Godzilla wannab

sorry your room was just so ass you needed some redecorating be thankful people tend to cry when I redecorate—just ask deku

you laughed as you seen him prepare to send a new message your heart swelling when you read it

Godzilla wannab

look this is gonna sound sus as fuck but

you bit your lip at the new message

‘ if you can’t sleep come over — your rooms cold as fuck and I know that pillow your hugging’s not doing shit ‘

[ot3]

Sorry to bother - feel free to ignore. I’m trying to write an orv fic bc. I like them. And I’m having trouble understanding why with the regression depression it’s the happy memories that get yjh the most. Best I can figure it’s bc he can use the bad memories to propel him forward - like he’s doing this to avenge them. But the good memories force him to realize these people are gone and he’ll never see them again. Do you have any thoughts? Thanks!

i think that's definitely more or less accurate! i think the 'those people are gone and he'll never see them again' bit you've pointed out is the critical piece here. ill stick my further thoughts below the cut. this is really long because i've pulled a LOT of long chunks of text from the novel to shore up this point. i just got home from work so my thoughts are gonna be a little bit incoherent here. skip to the end if you're not interested in reading all the segments i pulled from the text. spoilers all the way up through chapter 508

first things first, let's just go back to the novel and look at all the bits where YJH's depression gets brought up

“Maybe Yoo Jonghyuk-nim has already repeated a few lives. You have fought against terrible enemies and struggled against the beings of this world to save people. Enduring alone, lonely memories… We respect your sublime spirit.”

This jerk, such skillful flattery. Yoo Jonghyuk would be moved to tears if he heard. Later when he was depressed, I would have to tell him these words.

“But Yoo Jonghyuk-nim should’ve realized it from your past regressions. Even if you have an outstanding miracle, you alone can’t fight against the disasters that will come.”

Plus, he was right.

- from ch 48

「 Everything is twisted because of this person. 」

「 It is different from what I know in the earlier regressions. The amount of information available is too limited. I can’t save the world like this. 」

What was this?

「 The reason I was hurt by the Salvation Church was because we spent too much time in the last round. It was a mistake to train for 100 years then. My mind was permanently damaged. 」

「 Maybe it was a mistake not to get the Absolute Throne.  」

「 I will start from the beginning again… 」

Dammit, the regressor’s depression had begun. Was it due to the mental attack? I cried out in fear of what he would decide. “I’m hurt you jerk!”

- from ch 140

「 Those people can’t save the world, even with 100 trucks. 」

「 Once again, the answer is regression… 」

“Now now, our Supreme King isn’t in a good mood right now so back off. Do you want to die?” I personally stepped forward to get rid of any causes of depression.

- later on in ch140 as well

This jerk, he was always so impatient. He had been given time to rest but he was still busy thinking. Regardless of his depressed state, Yoo Jonghyuk was Yoo Jonghyuk.

“Before that, let’s take a moment to breath. The view is great.” I said while sitting on the roof railing.

Yoo Jonghyuk asked me, “What are you up to?”

“I’m just looking at the world. Isn’t it beautiful?” The city of Seoul was destroyed by the monsters. I quickly added, “It was originally a beautiful place.”

“I don’t like landscapes.”

“Why?”

“They are things that will disappear someday.”

I thought I had a bit more understanding of the third regression Yoo Jonghyuk after fighting against Shin Yoosung. I wanted to believe he was a person who could love this world without giving up or feeling despair.

I told him, “However, we need to protect these things.”

“Kim Dokja, you don’t know.”

This might be my misunderstanding. Yoo Jonghyuk could give up at any time because he was still in the midst of his regressions.

In the end, Yoo Jonghyuk’s purpose was to prevent the ‘destruction of this world.’ Paradoxically, he could give up on this world at any time. His essence was regression and this fact would never change.

“No, I know,” I replied.

“What?”

“The fact that you can regress at any time means that death is meaningless.”

I looked down at Lee Seolhwa caring for the injured. Lee Seolhwa was feeding her boiled soup to an unknown person. Despite her efforts, there was a high probability that the character would die. Even if they lied now, they would die tomorrow. If they miraculously survived tomorrow, they would die the day after tomorrow.

It was the same in the fourth regression and the fifth regression. There would always be ‘death’ in the world of Yoo Jonghyuk, even after passing the 100th regression.

“If there is no sense of death then the value of life also disappears.”

- ch141

There was the vague belief that he could do better in the next round with more information. It was easy for him to give up on this regression if something went wrong.

This was the precursor symptom of ‘regression depression.’ Some of the contents of Ways of Survival passed through my head.

It was around the 48th regression. Yoo Jonghyuk had consulted with an incarnation of the constellation ‘Discoverer of the Subconscious’ on the ‘regression depression.’ At the time, he seemed to be speaking like I was now.

I continued speaking, “Yes. It might be as you say. If you repeat it 10 or 20 times then it will surely get better. You’ll be exposed to more scenarios and see more of the future. The real problem is when you someday save the world in this manner.”

“What does this mean?”

“At that time, do you really think you saved this world?”

“…”

“Do you think you will be able to keep the same mindset after repeating it 100 or 200 times?”

“I won’t regress that many times.”

I silently stared at Yoo Jonghyuk.

「 …Don’t tell me? 」 Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes slowly widened.

I kept speaking, “Are you having nightmares these days?”

“…”

“You won’t be saved, even if you save the world. The moment you save the world, the worlds you have forsaken will come to you. Despite saving one world, all the other worlds you abandoned will drag you to hell.”

- from further down in ch141

「 Yoo Jonghyuk felt lonely as he saw these watches. They got their time back but he still wasn’t

living in this time. Yoo Jonghyuk suddenly thought. If so, where do I live in those countless hours? 」

It was the monologue of Yoo Jonghyuk, who once saved the Demon World. It was also one of my favourite scenes from Ways of Survival.

I suddenly seemed to understand a bit of his mind. To the regressor Yoo Jonghyuk, the time in these worlds didn’t belong to him. In a life that could go back over and over again, the present time was meaningless.

Once this was over, I would ask Aileen to make me a watch. If he had something like this, he might become more attached to this world. Maybe the regression depression would get better���

- ch 207

A person who regressed more than a thousand times. A spirit that had become insensitive from the hundreds of suicides and tragedies that an individual could suffer. The extremely widespread regression depression…

「 Yoo Jonghyuk of the 1863rd round is the despair of the world itself. 」

- ch 285

Abnormal condition? There was no way. Who was the 1863rd regression Yoo Jonghyuk? This was Yoo Jonghyuk who was the Ruler of the East Hell and killed the Devil of Principles. There was no one among the constellations who could place an abnormal condition on the present Yoo Jonghyuk.

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes were blank.

I felt uncomfortable like something was stuck in my throat. No, there was. There was only one person who could cause an abnormal status in Yoo Jonghyuk.

+

* The target is suffering from ‘regression depression’ due to an unknown cause.

+

It was Yoo Jonghyuk himself.

Regression depression. The spirit of the man who had been broken over 1863 lives made the regression depression almost a passive, low level skill. Once he fell into the depression, his consciousness was caught in the weight of his memories and he couldn’t wake up.

[Kill him! He isn’t invincible!]

The ruthless strikes caused Yoo Jonghyuk’s body to bleed little by little. It was strange. Originally, the regression depression shouldn’t occur in this situation. In the 1863rd round, Yoo Jonghyuk had learnt how to manage this disease.

- ch 286

then this REALLY LONG BIT from 287. it has stopped letting me indent for some reason so i guess ill bold this.

I knew how to wake up Yoo Jonghyuk from his regression depression. In other words, it meant I also knew how to sink him deeper into that melancholy.

I saw Yoo Jonghyuk’s fingertips moving and opened my mouth. “Do you remember? The 33rd round. You cleared the 40th scenario and Lee Jihye said this.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes dimmed and his moving fingertips stopped.

「 “It would be nice if Master didn’t have to go to the next round.” 」

“Think about it. You weren’t always unhappy. Right? In all the rounds, there were moments when you were happy.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression was becoming stiffer.

“The 173rd round. You protected Earth for quite some time. You also saw Lee Jihye receiving her high school diploma and Lee Seolhwa smiling at someone’s child.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, are you happy that you’re alive?” 」

Every time I spoke, Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression collapsed. It wasn’t despair that broke down Yoo Jonghyuk.

“The 383rd round. You finally cleared the 75th scenario. Fortunately, nobody died in that round. That was the first time. Then Lee Hyunsung told you.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, I won’t forget today until I die.” 」

The feather-like memories sank into his head.

“Then the 498th round…”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s palms moved to cover his ears. The usual Yoo Jonghyuk wouldn’t have fallen from this much. Now it was different. I held his hands and kept talking. “That happened 10 times.”

A human sank deeper into the water just because of the weight of these feathers.

“Twenty times.”

My breath clogged up and my lungs tightened. I could feel what Yoo Jonghyuk was going through. Only I could feel it. The most primitive darkness at the bottom of one person was swallowing his ego greedily.

“100 times. It repeated over 1,000 times.”

All those words were destroyed. All the happy memories flowed back to a time they could never return to. Through the countless regressions, the meaning of happiness faded. All the values he preserved became pieces of torn paper.

“Yoo Jonghyuk.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s self was sinking into the deep sea. It was to a place that he could never come up from without someone’s help.

“Have you protected all the things you wanted to keep?”

I looked at Yoo Jonghyuk’s miserable face and thought: Don’t worry Yoo Jonghyuk. I’ll do the rest. You stop and rest.

[Your understanding of the character ‘Yoo Jonghyuk’ is increasing explosively.]

Yoo Jonghyuk’s empty eyes were showing memories of losing his master. I didn’t use Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint but it wasn’t hard to read.

「 I want to die. 」

「 I want to finish all of this. 」

「 If only I can never wake up. 」

A few drops of rain fell from the sky. It was black rain made from the blood of the demon kings and constellations. Liquid also flowed onto Yoo Jonghyuk’s face. Yoo Jonghyuk’s gaze lowered and finally fell on me.

I was looking at the moment a human’s spirit collapsed. There was a broken voice. Like a creaking machine, Yoo Jonghyuk stammered, “Wh,at… should, I, d…o?”

i think this one is obviously very important.

then, the 'have you protected all you wanted to protect' stuff obviously reaches its culmination in the finale

⸢The regression depression.⸥

That was the only weakness of Yu Jung-Hyeok, who had repeatedly regressed for a very long time.

[In the 173rd turn. You managed to protect Earth for a pretty long time. You got to see Yi Ji-Hye receive her high school diploma, and you even got to see Yi Seol-Hwa smile with another’s child in her arms.]

The light in Yu Jung-Hyeok’s eyes was wavering.

⸢It wasn’t despair that could defeat Yu Jung-Hyeok.⸥

⸢Small feather-like memories settled down inside his head one by one.⸥

The ‘Dokkaebi King’ was using the exact same method I relied on back then.

⸢The breathing got harder, and the lungs were getting tighter.⸥

⸢A man drowning in water would sink even deeper under the surface from the weight of a mere feather.⸥

I couldn’t afford to idly watch on anymore. I shouted at Yu Jung-Hyeok, telling him to wake up, and not to fall for such an illusion.

However, my voice couldn’t reach them as if a non-conductive barrier was set up between us. And the ‘Dokkaebi King’ was smiling away, perhaps to mock this entire story.

[Yu Jung-Hyeok, have you protected all that you wanted to protect?]

Slowly, Yu Jung-Hyeok’s knees sank down.

I roused the Status of Fables. I needed to undo that ⸢Stage Transformation⸥ right now, But, how should I…

Grab.

There was a hand still tightly clutching mine. It was Han Su-Yeong.

“That’s not a battle you can interfere in.”

“But, if he’s left alone….!”

“….Even a star that can’t be seen still emits light. You said that, right?”

….A star that can’t be seen?

Her words made me look back at Yu Jung-Hyeok once more.

His gaze being lowered had come to a stop. Blinding sparks were completely enveloping him.

Tsu-chuchuchuchu….

Something was waking up his fading consciousness.

[Great Fable, ‘Ones that Remember the Apocalypse’, has begun its storytelling!]

That was a Fable I wasn’t aware of.

As the sparks lessened gradually, several silhouettes revealed themselves. Now that I took a closer look, Yu Jung-Hyeok wasn’t alone. No, four others were standing beside him.

A tall man, a young man with blonde hair, a girl with a ponytail, and finally…

[[He couldn’t protect anyone. That’s why he now stands in this place.]]

….An Archangel with blindingly-pure wings.

Astonishment quickly dyed the Dokkaebi King’s expression.

The Fable from the destroyed 999th turn was now burning brightly like the conflagration of end times on the edges of the Archangel’s blade.

[[Because he believes there are still things left to protect.]]

- from ch 508

Now here's a couple of tidbits about depression when it comes up for Other entities:

The fastest thing to get shaved away after becoming a Constellation was their own ‘Fable’. The more a Constellation depleted its story, the weaker its power would get. They would grow bored, disinterested, fall into depression, or lose themselves in tedium.

Constellations would desperately seek out other Fables in order to escape from such a quagmire. In other words, they would search for a new tragedy to escape from this horrible eternal cycle, even if it was only for a brief moment.

- ch 498

⸢[Constellation, ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’s’ ■■ is ‘Something that can’t be found’.]⸥

I had read what his ■■ was from the original novel. His description showed up when he became Yu Jung-Hyeok’s ally for a little while during the 1863rd turn.

⸢The evil dragon suffering from the worst possible depression in this <Star Stream>.⸥

The reason why the ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’ believed his age to be 15 was simply that he’d not be able to continue on if he didn’t.

A life stretching for thousands, no, tens of thousands of years, made an originally solitary dragon into such a creature.

In order to stop itself from decaying, he chose not to age. He chose not to lose his curiosity of the world. He chose to torment Incarnations or play bizarre pranks. And for his final prank, he even chose to betray the ‘Absolute Evil’, too. He stood on Yu Jung-Hyeok’s side and while mocking the <Star Stream>, breathed his last.

- ch 503

okay so

i think there are a couple of different ways to look at the regression depression in line with each of orv's 'themes'. of course despair at losing his comrades is the main primary emotion here, but there's subtler stuff going on here too.

for starters, the foundational components of any creature within the star stream is its stories. the more your stories are known and shared the more powerful they are, etc, etc. time and time again their shared stories are the thing to save them and ground them. but as we see with the hellscape of eternity, yjh begins to become isolated from the interpersonal aspect of the story as he loses the people he originally formed these stories with. the stories are how people communicate. as YJH progresses through his regressions he is unable to relate to the 'story' in the way you are supposed to, and this essentially causes a complete ego death. life no longer has any meaning for him, because he is fundamentally incapable of connecting with people. the [impossible communication] of a life and a burden that can't be shared.

then there's the [samsara] aspect - being worn down by the endless repetition of fate. everything is the same, over and over again, and yet we still delve into it hoping to get something new out of it. maybe the story will be different this time. ABFD was able to stave off depression by keeping himself in a state of permanent novelty - there was still something left to discover - but as YJH progresses through the regressions and falls deeper and deeper into repeating the same pattern, the tedium becomes too much. he has nothing new to experience. he has repeated everything this reality has to offer - or so he thinks - and it shows no sign of ever changing. if it's the same every time, why stick around? why not go again? it doesn't matter. none of it matters. you are just part of the wheel.

and if we think of it in terms of [good and evil] we see yjh slowly become something that almost any human being would call a monster. as kdj says in that conversation with anna croft near the end, "can you really call someone a human if you have to look so hard to find their humanity?" as far as it goes. yjh commits some atrocities! Because of said aforementioned removal from reality and ego death, he is able to fully justify any action it takes no matter how horrendous. and yet his noble goal never changes. undeniably, what he is by the end is some sort of monster. but still, of course, just a man. and he knows this. he feels himself slipping a little bit more, every regression. he knows its coming. and he doesn't want it. he wants to maintain his humanity.

but really i think we can almost best think of yjh's regression depression as almost his equivalent to the [fourth wall]. whereas the 4th wall is a unique passive skill that protects kim dokja by preventing him from fully conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality', the regression depression harms yjh by preventing him from conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality'. in a sense, his friends and loved ones have almost become 'characters' to him as well, as he already knows the way this story happens. he is an outsider, observing these beings interact with each other but not quite the same as them. he is an anachronism. this isn't his present. this is a present, one he can take or leave at any time. the thing yjh does in his later regressions - using people as tools - is something kdj does in the beginning of his journey. because, well, it doesnt matter if this isn't the 'real world'! they mirror each other.

that ended up being so much longer than i thought it would im sorry. i hope this was even like 10% helpful.

[heyitsyn]

Prove Me Wrong

M!Reader x Oikawa

a/n: SDKLFJSLDKFJDLSKF OKAY I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I LAST UPDATED BUT I REALLY INVESTED MY TIME INTO RESEARCHING AND READING FANFICS WITH AN M!READER BC I REALLY DIDNT WANNA GET IT WRONG SO I APOLOGIZE IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG AND I HOPE THIS ANON LIKES IT!!!

anon:

-heres an interesting thought. what about flamboyant oikawa with a cold boyfriend😳😳

YEYYY I FINALLY UPDATED

LETS GET STARTED SHALL WE?

okayokayokay

so in the request above

this is a m!reader

meaning you will be male in this one so hehe yep the story starts now

you are,,,

distant

and cold

but its mainly just because you were,,,

too tired to actually put in the effort of socializing

between bouncing between part-time jobs to care for your siblings and to schoolwork and book club

the mans can only do so much

so you spend most of your time in school just trying to catch up on sleep bc youre too busy studying up all night for exams since yanno

✨gRaDuaATiOn✨

unfortunately for you, your class had the famous manwhore oikawa tooru

why is that a bad thing?

well, imagine just trying to get some shut eye and suddenly, you just hear a bunch of screaming girls and it gets louder the closer the guy approaches your classroom and when he opens it,

the screams become 10x bass boosted

then imagine that with your sensitive hearing

now,,

it does bother you but it wouldnt bother you as much if he told them to leave

BUT NOOOOOO

he decides to let them in and chat with them and flatter them and continue with that bs until the bell rings

even then,

the girls in your class cant help but keep giggling at him and he always whispers in that obnoxious voice and youre just like two seconds away from ripping his tongue out

now

you dont hate him

you just genuinely dislike his way of living

and the way he talks

and the way he acts

yea see?

no hate

theres a difference

then there was that one time that you got so fed up with it that when oikawa settled on his seat and the fangirls circled him like some cult

they started talking to him all at once trying to get his attention

so it was a garbled mess of sounds and you growled, burying your face deeper in your arms because you would snap really really soon

then one girl shrieked when oikawa smiled at her and then you really just let go of all bearings

your chair made a squeak as you shot up, palms slamming against the wooden desk and your eyes glaring straight at them

‘go back to the farm, ya squealing pigs’

DSKFJLSDFKJSDFKDJS SORRY I LOVE TSUMU

this made everyone silent-even the others in the class just minding their own business

they all knew you as the quiet kid who didnt really talk much but those who did were really scared at you and the way you talked to them with such a cold and monotonous voice that they started spreading rumors about you

even absurd ones like your eyes are so cold bc youve killed so many people that you have no life and empathy left

LIKE WHAT THE HECK YOU STRUGGLED TO GET A SPIDER OUT OF YOUR SISTERS ROOM THE OTHER DAY LIKE EXCUSE YOU

but apparently they were just,,, so scared of you that when you finally got done with them and bursted out, the girls started crying

YALL KNOW THE SAYING LIKE HELL HAS STARTED WHEN THE QUIET KID SNAPS

the females run out of the room scared and the others nervously looks at you

your eyes sweeped through the room and each one of them flinched when you made eye contact with them

YES ASSERT OUR DOMINANCE M/N

the only who didnt was oikawa tooru himself

your eyes landed on him and he still had that stupid smug look on his stupidly gorgeous face and you wanted to ki-WAIT NO SLAP it off of him

‘the hell you looking at?’

you grumbled at him and he just merely shook his head with a smile

‘you remind me a chihuahua, m/n-chan. so cute when its angry’

‘HAH?!’

now it isnt a surprise to hear oikawa tooru say that to a boy bc wowza the school loves him so much that hes a bi icon in seijoh and hes such a king like who cares?

but they were surprised to see you turn red, the tips of your ears to the base of your neck were all flushed

‘see? so cute, right, everyone?’

KSDFJLSDKJFS

THE NERVE OF THIS MAN

the class didnt say anything except just put their heads down bc as much as they wanted to agree with oikawa at how suddenly hot you looked, they were too scared that you might plummet their faces to the ground

maybe thats when everyone started noticing you more

again, you were very quiet, you didnt talk much, you just sat there and listened so obviously you didnt really stand out but then that outburst made you more noticeable

you started seeing girls in your class staring at you then blush and look away abashedly

then the guys in your class started greeting you, even people in the hallways

ngl the attention you suddenly got was overwhelming

especially when oikawa seemed to call out to you all the time now

as you were walking down the stairs, hed see you and he’d shout and wave to you

‘m/n-chan! hiii!!!!’

his loud voice would make everyone turn and look at you and you dont do well with public attention so you turn red and you glare at him

‘shut the hell up, idiot. and dont call me by my first name. we’re not friends’

you turned to walk in the classroom but you looked at him again after taking a few steps

there he was

smiling and giggling with those girls

all he does is smile and giggle and shit

its so damn fake that you cant believe everyone fell for it and the worst thing is oikawa’s doing it to get everyone’s acceptance and validication

it was pathetic and disgusting

poor oikawa :(

now on to baby flatttykawa side,

he was kinda hurt by that

like how the heck are you not friends when youve been going to high school for 3 years?

sure, its only been casual greetings and him waving at you when yall made eye contact

but its still something, right?

right?

when you walked back into the classroom, tooru cant help but feel down at the declaration of the lack of friendship you had

his form slouched and his eyes trailed down but the voice of some girl brought him back to where he was and to fix his attitude

‘oikawa-san? are you okay?’

the others muttered in concern with her but they were eased when he raised a peace sign with the signature smile 

‘yep! all good!’

GOD I REALLY CANT STAND IT WHEN HE USES A FACADE TO EVERYONE BUT LIKE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BC HES SUCH A STRONG CHARACTER THAT DOESNT BREAK AND HES SO INSECURE AND IT PAINS ME SO MUCH THAT HE FEELS THE NEED TO HIDE BEHIND A MASK EVERYDAY AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

truth be told,

oikawa has always noticed you

not only do you work at the one bakery with his milk bread but you also work at the convenience store that the team sometimes visits

then he also noticed you picking up your brother from the volleyball practice that takeru’s part of and he cant help but frown at the eyebags under your eyes that he always sees

he lies awake at night just thinking how you would look without those eyebags, without the sickly looking complexion, or even just the lack of life in your eyes

then during class, you sat by the window

tooru knows this bc his eyes always fixes itself on you whenever he opens that door and he has to hold in the need to hug you when he sees you sleeping on your desk

others might call you lazy

others might call you a video game all nighter kid

but they dont notice the things you do

the nervous habits hes seen from you at the times that tooru couldnt help but stare

he knew it was creepy to do it

but you were so silent

you blended yourself into the background and you made sure to stay there 

thats why nobody knows anything about you

with good looks like yours and a smart brain (he knew this from mattsun and makki being your students), why exactly were you not known?

maybe thats why it drew you to him

all his life he chased, 

but now hes the one chasing?

tooru knows that your left eyebrow lifts when sensei writes something you dont understands

tooru knows that you like to do sudoku in the convenience store while you worked

tooru knows you eat the same meal during lunch every day from the same lunchbox

and he also knows that your brother talks so highly about you from takeru

the little things your brother brags about like your ability to cook f/f or your weird ability to just assemble something without looking at the instruction manual

he notices and knows all these things about you

things that people never really even bothered to 

oikawa didnt even know he liked you until iwaizumi pointed it out during lunch

the third years liked to go and eat at the rooftop where it was nice and windy

oikawa was sitting and leaned against the tall wire fence, his eyes fixated on you down below on the bench as you ate your lunch

then you accidentally loosened the chopsticks causing your food to slip off

that made oikawa giggle

he was chuckling and giggling that the others noticed him when he suddenly went quiet

‘oi, oikawa’

makki nudged him back to them and tooru flinched before smiling at them

‘hm? so you do notice me!’

iwa glared

‘idiot. of course we do. youre laughing over there like some damn schoolgirl. did one of your fangirls posses you or something? if not, cut it out. its ugly’

oikawa shot him an offended look

‘what?! iwa-chan so mean!’

mattsun took the liberty to peer over the edge to see what he was looking at and smirked

‘eh? were you looking at l/n-sensei?’

oikawa blushed, feeling like he just got caught doing something bad

‘and what about it? im looking at you too, right now, mattsun!’

makki cackled at oikawa’s poor attempt of reasoning

‘i mean, i dont blame you. if issei wasnt here, id definitely get with him’

SEDKLFJSDLFISDKFJ MATTSUHANA YALL :”)

oikawa’s eyes wandered back down to you and he noticed you put the bento box to the side before sneezing

‘gosh, even his sneeze is cute’

he mumbled then jolted when he heard his own words 

iwa sighed

‘what are we going to do with you, shittykawa?’

‘what?! what did i do?!’

iwa’s eyes scrunched and he scrutinized his best friend

‘boke. i feel bad for that kid, doesnt know this stupid idiot likes him’

so thats how oikawa came to terms of it

he thought he was just interested and fascinated with you but he really does like you

and to be honest, he doesnt really want you to know that bc duh, you dont like him so why bother?

baby oiks doesnt interact with you much anymore bc he knows you get uncomfy with attention but he still does look out for you and decides he should just admire from afar

he will live every day just holding his feelings in for you and one day they will disappear

but today just wasnt the day

maybe today was the start of the worst yet the best part of your life

last night was particularly rough as the convenience store you worked in had a drunk person who wanted to fight with you and your manager had to call the police and it was just a mess

to add on to it, midterms were around the corner-like next week- so you were studying up for that

but your sister got sick so you were also trying to take care of her and making sure her fever was going down and her crying ever few hours about her tummy ache didnt allow you to sleep

hehehe single parent working late tingz

ALSO SHE DOESNT HAVE MISS RONA JFC

so yep haha you did NOT get any sleep

so you walked into school that morning, looking tired as hell and mad as hell but you just wanted to sleep bro

the one kid you tutor, matsukawa issei, and his friend who usually tags along, hanamaki takahiro, noticed you dazedly pass them in the hallway and poor dudes felt bad for you

mattsun actually pays you to tutor him bc he knows you need the money while taka preferred to buy you snacks and drinks as compensation

so it was normal that he had an energy drink in his bag that he was going to give you tomorrow during your tutoring day

‘oi! l/n!’

your head perked up at the call of your name and you nodded in greeting at the light brown haired boy

‘hey’

you muttered and mattsun placed his hands on your shoulder to keep you upright

‘oi, l/n, you sure you want to be here? you can go home and we can tell them youre sick or some-’

but you waved your hand

‘nonono todays an important lecture so i cant miss it’

the two guys didnt look convinced but they respected your need to be in school since they too need to be in class for midterms

‘here. at least take this’

makki placed a drink on your hand and you nodded and gave them a small smile

‘thanks’

you mumbled before wandering off

once they saw you at a distance away, makki wrapped an arm around issei to get his attention

‘ya think we should tell oikawa to keep an eye on him? make sure he doesnt keel over and die or somethin?’

mattsun stopped before nodding

‘yea thats a good idea’

SKLFJLSDKJFD NOT MATTSUHANA BEING YOUR PARENTS

oikawa was already in class when you walked in and he cant help but tear his eyes away from the girls to you as you sluggishly walked to your seat

the drop of your bag and the thud of your head meeting the desk made him worried bc you looked worse than usual

his phone buzzed and he checked it to see a message from mattsun

‘keep an eye out for your boyfriend. mightve been working late last night and yanno how he is. just watch out if he faints or something’

okay that made him super worried

totally ignoring what mattsun called you, oikawa knew he needed to talk to you

but these fangirls were the first problem

he shut his phone off and looked up at them with a grin that made them madly blush

‘ladies, class is about to start. oikawa-senpai would hate for you to be marked. so study hard for me, okay?’

like hypnotized cult members, the girls ran to their classrooms and tooru finally had the opportunity to talk to you

he stood up and walked over to your seat

‘m/n-chan’

he called out, looking down at you

‘m/n-chan’

he tried again and was about to put a hand on your shoulder when your hand snatched it

‘dont touch me, oikawa’

you grumbled and tooru furrowed his eyebrows

‘m/n-chan, i just wanted to ask if youre okay’

he whined and you didnt bother to look up but just let go of his hand

‘i was until you came over, idiot’

ouch

tooru was thankful that the teacher came in then and there bc he didnt know how to respond to that

he wanted to brush it off but it hurt him a little

and he knows he shouldnt entertain his crush on you but he couldnt looking at you and watching as you got up to use the bathroom 

as class went on, oikawa was starting to worry

now again, hes no stalker bc his observation skills were just phenomenal due to volleyball

so he noticed that youve been in the bathroom for like 20 minutes now

DONT JUDGE US, OIKAWA. WE’RE JUST TRYING TO PUSH OUT THE BIG PIECE OF-

okay nevermind

anyways

tooru, worried that something happened, raised his hand to go and use the bathroom and the sensei wasnt exactly paying attention so he just let him go

thank god he has long legs bc he was able to reach the bathroom quick and he stifled a shriek when he saw your passed out form inside

‘M/N-CHAN!’

he yelled and he cursed when duh you were alone and who knows how long youve been there

and ew bathroom floors is bleh

you were in no way light but you werent exactly heavy either so he was able to muster up all his strength and hoisted you on his back

tooru’s heart thrummed in his chest and he knew it couldnt be that serious but he cant help but think of the worst

and yep

the nurse just told him that your heartbeat was okay and you were snoring so you mustve been exhausted by the dark circles in your eyes

‘keep an eye on him for me. i have to tend to midoriya over there. the kid broke his arm again and i dont know how’

she grumbled at the end but tooru didnt care as he sat on the chair next to your bed

he sighed before laying his head on the cot by your hand

his eyes settled on your face and how peaceful it looked

gosh, you really were so cute

your personality just sucked ass

constantly telling him to shut up and calling him idiot

hmph

not long after oikawa fell asleep, you woke up and cursed, immediately realizing you fainted and you missed class

as you were going to rub your eye, there was weight on your hand and you looked down to see a head full of brown hair that could only belong to a certain someone

a certain idiot

‘oi. oikawa, wake up’

you shook his head and when he didnt budge, you just pulled your hand from under him making him jump awake

at first, he was confused

looking around like a lost puppy and his eyes bleary

yea it was cute and what about it

then he noticed you sitting up and he smiled

‘you feeling better, m/n-chan?’

he asked, leaning close 

but you placed your hand on his face to push him away

‘yea. and stop leaning so close, idiot’

you grumbled and he whined

‘youre so mean, m/n-chan! i was so worried about you!’

he complained and you rolled your eyes

‘i didnt ask you to be, idiot’

SLDKFJSDLKFJKL M/N IS SO MEAN WHAT THE FAK

oikawa frowned

‘i cant help it. i like you, m/n-chan’

you froze, looking at him with scrunched eyebrows

then you chuckled dryly

‘yea, okay sure. im okay now so you can go to class’

wOW OIKAWA DESERVES BETTER WHAT

tooru was taken aback

‘wh-what? thats it? after i just told you that i liked you?’

you blinked at him

‘what do you want me to say about that, oikawa? how do you want me to react? im not like your fangirls, squealing and shit’

your words cut deep in him and oikawa held your arm

‘no wait a minute. what do you mean by that? do you not believe me?’

‘who the hell believes something that’s fake?’

there was a snip in your tone and oikawa knew you were talking about this facade of his

‘what? i-’

‘you think i believe you? you telling me you like me? do you even know who you are?’

you asked and tooru sniffled, eyes staring at your chest

‘for years, you told people what you wanted them to hear, regardless if you meant them or not. not once have you ever told them no. who the hell accepts chocolates when they dont even like them to begin with?’

at that last part, oikawa snapped up to meet your eyes

‘how did you know’

you rolled your eyes

‘our brothers are friends, idiot. he gave him some of the chocolates you gave to takeru since the brat couldnt eat them all’

oddly, that brought some warmth in tooru’s chest

so he wasnt the only one who knows the stupid stuff

but you continued on your rant

‘for a guy who doesnt like sweet stuff, youve accepted their nasty treats all the time, like why? oh, wait i know why, because you want them to like you. it doesnt matter if-if this-this persona of yours isnt real because as long as they like you, you dont give a fuck. isn’t that true? am i right? because please, prove me wrong’

maybe your dislike for him came out at that tangent and you half expected him to cry but you were surprised when he glared at you with teary eyes

‘i will. ill prove you wrong, m/n, that i do like you and i will make you like me. ill make you like me with the real me. i swear.’

‘mhm. okay. sure, oikawa’

do you regret it?

i mean,,,

kinda?

but not really?

because you loved watching the girls faces fall when oikawa rejected their treats the next day

you were walking to class when you noticed him with his cult by the entrance and you saw him smiling at some girl before gently pushing away a can of cookies

‘gomen. i actually dont like sweets that much anymore. if you want, you can give me milk bread?’

you stopped and oikawa caught your eye and he grinned

you nodded in greeting before continuing to walk

but he noticed a small smile on your face and gosh oikawa sighed like a lovesick fool

it took iwaizumi to finally send him back and his fangirls were looking at him worriedly

‘could you be less obvious, shittykawa?’

rip iwaizumi hajime in episode 546546546 of daily adventures of oikawa tooru

you noticed that oikawa has started to become distant with his fangirls and hes been sticking to you during lunch, leaving behind the others

makki and mattsun looked like proud parents as they peered down over to you flicking oikawa’s forehead and they smiled

‘god, that kid deserves this’

‘hah? that sounds like more of a punishment to me. but i dont care. it takes him off our hands for a while’

IWA I SWEAR HES SO MEAN BUT HE STILL WUVS TOORU SO ITS OKAY

oikawa would pick your brother up and take him home when youre too busy to go get him yourself and sometimes, he even takes your little sister too which causes them to have a mini sleepover and you sleep there too

also, whenever youre working in the convenience store, tooru would buy sandwhiches and a drink just for you so you can eat them while youre on break and not have to waste money and you told himyou dont want him spending money on you but he doesnt wanna hear it

‘i dont want you buying me-’

‘ssshhhh dont. im doing this because i want to and becaus i care for you, m/n-chan’

overtime, 

yea

sure

youve started to like him

youve started looking forward to seeing his stupidly cute face and his stupidly cute giggle

you went to his games and gave him a tight hug when hes about to play as a ritual for good luck and you would open your arms for him wide whenever he wins

then he didnt

against shiratorizawa, you noticed how he was so disappointed

even as you walked home with him, he continued to smile and tell you how good his team played

until you couldnt take it anymore

you pulled him over to some alleyway and you pushed him to the wall

DSKLFJLSDKFJLSDFJ WOW WHAT

oikawa nervously fiddled with his jacket and gave you a shaky smile

‘m/n-chan, what are you-’

‘tell me what youre feeling right here, right now. no bullshit, no lies, tell me everything in that pretty head of yours’

you deadpanned and tooru looked away

‘im fine’

‘are you lying to me, tooru?’

your voice was even but he could tell you were serious

he gulped before taking in a shakey breath

‘im fine. so stop asking about it!’

he exclaimed and you sighed

‘listen, i know its not official yet but you want me to be your boyfriend right?’

tooru flinched before he flushed at the word ‘boyfriend’ 

then he nodded

‘as your boyfriend, you have to lean on me, tooru. i dont want you to hold it to yourself because i wanna be there for you and i want to go through everything with you because i,,,,,’

you stopped and hesitated, debating if you should say it or not

‘because i like you, idiot’

you confessed and swallowed thickly

oikawa met your eye and his eyes watered

‘im so angry! im so disappointed! but i know my team did their 110 percent! we’re just not strong enough! so its not their fault! but ushijima is such a freak and hes too strong and its not fair!’

he complained and he cried loudly

not once in the 3 years of knowing oikawa have you seen him cry and you were so proud of him for being able to trust you enough to show him being vulnerable

you rushed forward held him close to your chest

‘for what it’s worth, you looked so incredibly hot and cute playing’

you whispered and pecked his neck 

of course oikawa couldnt hold his surprise at the feeling of your lips on his neck so he squealed a little

you gigled and continued holding your boyfriend close, even if it was at some nasty alleyway

yall became official and ngl, they didnt see this coming

some nobody dating the grand king oikawa tooru?

what in the wattpad?

yall know that tiktok of like ‘guys you cant dm me anymore. i have a girlfriend now. what else? and i love her’

IF YALL DONT KNOW IM SORRY

but you totally made oikawa tell his fangirls that

YOU KNOW THE FUNNY THING?

when yall became official, you actually gained your own little fanclub

maybe its because you gained clout from your boyfriend but they started noticing you and wowza you were hot

before, it was you getting jealous over tooru but now, it was him getting possessive of you

hes such a brat that he sits on your lap before class and youre just all smirking and feeling all good bc your baby is so cute when hes jealous

YOU CANT DISAGREE THAT HE DOESNT RADIATE UKE ENERGY

but all oiks has to do is pull down your collar and expose your purple littered collarbones and they will know who you belong to

theres a reason why iwa-chan is now the kids babysitter

youre still kinda cold and distant to people but youre soft for your baby and you always hold him close when hes in sight and you just cant get enough of him

:’)

also!! 

your sister loves dressing you up and oikawa has his sisters makeup and they both do your makeup and you guys have tea party with the boys and just the cutest domestic stuff

you still call him idiot though

but like affectionately yanno?

and over the years youve turned it down to dummy

and ngl tooru loves it when you call him that

what in the dumbification-

because he knows that equivalent to babe from you and he absolutely just loves you lmao

youre def the more quieter and calmer one in the relationship like you absolutely dont react much

while tooru is the overreactor and hes very animated with his facial expressions and stuff

like the one time

he was cooking some chicken pasta and you cheekily grabbed a piece of chicken and he made a dramatic gasp

‘*le gasp* oikawa m/n how dare steal a piece of chicken!’

you cackled before crossing your arms at the sight ofyour lover with his pursed lips and hands on his hips

‘excuse you. its more of you who’d take my last name’

it was so easy to make him flustered and tooru quickly turned around to tend back to the food but he was really just hiding his red face

‘b-baka. thats not going to happen’

‘not if i do it first’

you shrugged and smirked, wondering if he will fall for it

and as expected with oikawa tooru

‘yea okay sure’

‘i will!’

‘prove me wrong, m/n-chan~’

‘turn around right now’

oikawa rolled his eyes playfully before turning with a smile

‘what are you-*le gasp part 2*’

his hands covered his mouth at the sight of you there in front of him, kneeling on your knee tightly clutching a silver ring between your thumb and index finger

your heart was thrumming in your chest but you gulped and smiled

‘i win. now marry me, dummy’

oikawa screamed

a/n: sorry if this sucked booty :((( but i just really like the thought of uke oikawa and just him with a cute boyfriend for a change like please we all know oikawa is a bi king and thats on docosahexaenoic acid

[m-feys]

OK NEURODIVERGENT GAANG TIME BC I WANNA

these hcs are kinda halfway set in a modern au bc thats my context for this ! (gonna split it up so its not as long bc i drafted the original and it was LONG) water tribe siblings first !!!

Sokka

adhd/autism king 😌

[ID: a screenshot of Sokka standing on a raised stone platform with a map of the Fire nation hanging behind him. He’s holding his arms stiffly by his side with a wide-eyed look on his face, brows raised as he has his mouth open, saying something. End ID.]

- schedules to survive, he likes to know what hes getting into and if you try to change plans on him without warning he’ll be very resistant

- smart kid who doesnt study, oh he tries, oh boy does he try, he ends up reading the same sentence over and over until he gets distracted by drawing something, working on the blueprint for his latest invention, or with researching something completely unrelated to what he’s mean to be studying. then he tosses and turns all night because he’s stressed by not having studied, but when he actually takes the test he makes a 105, despite there not even being a bonus question, he just answered the essay question so well the teacher gave him an extra 5 points

- special interests?? we got em!!! classic weaponry (think swords, boomerangs, but also, like canons and catapults and shit) engineering/physics, art/drawing, strategy games. he tends to hyperfocus within his special interests, so like for a week he was hellbent on building his own full sized trebuchet, much to the dismay of Gran Gran who just wanted to grow her tomatoes without them being crushed by said full size trebuchet

- (also he plays all types of games probably, but he def plays those ones where you take over the world, like the ones online and azula also plays them too and they end up being rivals, while not actually knowing who the other is outside of their usernames)

- he also talks a lot in his classes/is like the ‘class clown’ and ppl think this is him not focusing but engaging this way actually helps him focus way more than sitting silently, a lot of teachers dont understand it but the ones who do are actually paying attention and realize that he’s generally talking/joking about their current topic

- some observations (this shit is all canon babey!!!) - sokka is great at being a leader and communicating in groups he’s in but he really really struggles in front of crowds, one-on-one and sokka can talk well, joke and stuff but as soon as he’s separate from other people and everyone is just listening he clams up (solar eclipse pt 1). he also loves to joke and make people laugh, and a lot of the time he misinterprets stuff because he’s autistic but he also will realize this and do it anyway because he thinks it’s funny and he likes laughing with his friends (idk if this happens in canon but i do this and sokka does too bc i said so :^). He also takes up the protector/comforting role but despite his best intentions he can sometimes say insensitive stuff and not even realize what he’s done to upset people (when he happily told aang ‘the whole world thinks your dead!’) works best when he feels needed, if he feels unnecessary or like something doesnt matter he struggles to complete it (i feel like the beginning of sokka’s master rlly demonstrates what i mean here), and this goes both ways, he will put too much value into certain things that he cares about and can get his priorities mixed if he’s focused too much on what he believes matters more than what might be most pressing (zuko destroyed his suki sculpture, oh right bc he was attacking aang)

Katara

she also has adhd/autism, (so do both Hakoda and Kya 💙)

[ID: a screenshot of Katara, Hakoda, Sokka, and Bato. Hakoda has his hand on Katara’s shoulder as they both look at Bato who is saying something, she has curious look on her face with her brows raised, while Hakoda looks exasperated. Sokka beside him his also looking curiously up at Bato, with one brow raised and the other furrowed. Bato has a neutral expression on his face as he speaks. End ID.]

- palms sweaty thoughts spaghetti, she tries to be practical bc she thinks someone needs to be but really her brain is like a runaway train, she sees something that needs doing and is like, guess ill do that now! and drops whatever she was doing first. she can get very anxious because of this because all the thing that need doing start to pile up because theyre all in her brain at once. that and as much as she tries to be practical she’s very impulsive, getting help from other people really helps alleviate this stuff

- interacting w ppl, when she was only part of her own smaller community she had a lot less toll on her, bc she knew everyone and was used to them, as she meets more people she gets really frustrated with how many people seem to refuse to say what they really mean. Katara is very straightforward herself and she says what she means, so even tho she gets more and more perceptive when interacting with new people, she resents how much she has to work just to decipher what people really mean half the time.

- caring for ppl, with people she cares about communicating is much easier bc she knows them, so she’s very open about her feelings around these people, and she can be hyper empathetic at times, but then sometimes she will say SUPER insensitive stuff off the cuff because she’s just very impulsive and she might regret it after the fact but she really struggles with apologizing because being wrong makes her feel like ppl are going to reject her

- perceptions, she knows what’s expected of her by the world, but she really rejects the idea that she has to stay in her role. still, she has internalized a lot of these expectations and tries to perform them, even when she sometimes struggles. beyond herself, she’s very certain about what she knows is wrong and has a strong moral code, she sees something wrong and she wants to fix it.

- she’s awful in school, not because she’s not smart, but she’s smart in ways that society does not appreciate. she doesnt care at all about all the worksheets and math she’s never gonna use, and all the history that got distorted, she’s much better at learning stuff on her own and she will go on deep dives of subjects she cares about and is super knowledgeable abt them.

also:

[ID: A cropped screenshot of Sokka with his arms extended outwards, palms flat as he gestures. He has a slight grin on his face with his mouth open to speak, eyebrows raised and looking at the viewer calmly. He’s wearing his usual blue tunic with the Earth Rumble XI belt along with his earth kingdom bag hanging across his chest. The text on the image says, “This post made by ADHD Sokka gang. End ID.]

[ID: a cropped screenshot of Hakoda, he has a serious expression on his face as he looks ahead. The text on the post reads, “This post made by ADHD Hakoda gang.” End ID.]

from this post (part of what inspired me to write these out) @meteor-sword​ now just katara needs one 😄

adhd aang next, i will finally live up to my url (will edit with a link when i post)

[dirt-cup-draco]

Sirius x Reader- Everyone But Me

Can u please do young!sirius x reader in which the reader is friends with Lily and the marauders. And in an attempt to try and see if Lily has any feelings for James, u flirt with James. And James being James goes along with it, also bc he knows Sirius likes u and he thinks it’s funny. Which does in fact not only make Lily jealous but also Sirius. Could the reader also be mega bffs with Rem please? I’m just a slut for jealous Sirius. I’m glad ur feeling better, I love you pumpkin

“I can’t believe you!” You giggled, head resting in the crook of Remus’ neck as you lost your composure. The marauders were devilish on and off the quidditch pitch and you weren’t going to tell anyone that peter had been muttering curses underneath his breath to throw off the Slytherin seeker while James worked on winning the game. 

“It was harmless, really, we would’ve won the game regardless,” Sirius chimed in, tossing his arm around you and pulling you from Remus’ side into his own as he fought back the small twang of jealousy he felt. He knew that Remus had his eye on that McKinnon girl that Lily was so fond of but he couldn’t help it. He loved that you were close with everybody he cared about. Sirius couldn’t ever fall for someone who wouldn’t give his friends a chance, but he also felt fear.

Fear that he wasn’t good enough in comparison to them. Remus was kindhearted and intelligent, possessing a calm and intelligence that Sirius thought he’d never have. Peter was in his head but he had good intentions and was cute, Sirius didn’t pull off cute well- in his own opinion that was. And then there was James Potter. James, his best friend and the golden boy of gryffindor. 

Which brought him to the whomping willow, hours later, back pressed against the dusty planks within the tree. When it wasn’t being used as a safe haven for Remus during the full moon it was a nice place for them to meet up and spend hours getting up to no good and enjoying their youth. You were all sat in a circle, you sitting directly between Remus and James, Sirius across from you. 

It was a miracle you hadn’t noticed that his eyes had been trained on you since the second you had arrived with a smug smile and firewhisky tucked behind your back to share. 

It was a miracle that Sirius didn’t notice the sly look you sent Lily’s way. You had a gleam in your eye and you finished off the cup of firewhisky you had in your hand, just enjoying the pleasant warmth that had spread through you. It was late and the whomping willow wasn’t the warmest of places as October reached its midpoint. 

“So James, brilliant play today,” You cooed, changing the subject so the focus was on James and James alone. Sirius felt sick but watched in curiosity. 

“Course it was,” James laughed but smiled back, sending a long look to Sirius, assessing him. Sirius was too stuck in his own mind to realize that he was being studied, he didn’t realize that to James the jealousy was clear. 

You watched Lily similarly, finding the way that her expression soured as she watched you, her own jealousy beaming through. Remus watched in amusement. Sirius and Lily were quite possibly the two most emotionally constipated people he had ever met in his life. 

James looked to you for a moment and your lips split into a wide grin, you winked, you actually bloody winked! Sirius felt disturbed but mainly disheartened. He didn’t like watching you express interest in James, he wanted it to be him regardless what James might feel towards you. Which seemed to be similar to your own feelings as he winked back. 

“I did it of course, for you dear Y/N,” James nearly laughed at the painful flirt that made it way past his lips. It was like trying to flirt with his sister, awkard and unnatural. You two had been stuck on a bet of sorts recently. James was adamant that Sirius was head over heels for you and you were certain Lily was begging the universe for James to make the first move, just so she didn’t have to lose her Evans pride by asking him first. 

You set your hand on James’ thigh as you talked, both egging on the other teens in the room that you fancied. It seemed to be too much for Sirius though as he hopped up from his reclined and faux relaxed position. 

“I’ve got to go,” Was all he said before he was running out. Peter looked at you all with shame and Remus snorted, hand held open for James to drop nearly a galleon’s worth of sickles into his waiting palm. Lily raised her brow in question as Marlene sipped at the firewhisky, soaking up the drama. 

“On you go then,” James directed, head jerking towards the entrance. 

You chewed your lip pensively. “I still don’t think you’re right,” 

“Our plan went just like we thought it would so what are you waiting for?” James asked and Lily’s mouth opened to ask but Remus shot her a look that told her she would be finding out very soon. 

“If you’re wrong-” You argued, nervous that Sirius wouldn’t feel the same. What if he did but didn’t now that you had been cruel? Jealousy was a feeling that tied your stomach in knots and made your heart feel like a concrete weight in your chest. If Sirius was feeling anything like that then you didn’t doubt he would be cross with your little game. 

“He’s not,” Remus reassured, hand warm on your back as he sent you an encouraging smile. “Sirius is mad for you, so go to him already.” 

You finally nodded, brushing the dust from your jeans as you chased after the boy that you hadn’t had the guts to tell how you felt without playing childish games. You hoped he wasn’t too upset. 

--

“Hey,” Your voice drifted on the icy breeze, features distorted by the moon’s light being broken up through the clouds above and Sirius froze in his tracks that had been leading anywhere that wasn’t near the whomping willow. “You left pretty quick,” 

You stood a few feet behind him with a perfect smile on your face, concerned about him. He cracked his own smile but if felt cheap and brittle. “Just needed some air, drank too much probably,” 

“You didn’t touch the firewhisky all night,” You pointed out and Sirius watched you intently.

“Guess not,” He shrugged lamely, not offering any explanation as to why he was lying to you. You understood he was hurt, or at least feeling inadequate, and it was up to you to make the first step. 

“Want to talk about it?” You asked, not quite sure what to do now.

“Nothing to talk about,” He couldn’t help the bitter tone. Why tell you how he felt when you clearly fancied James? Why else would you be all over his friend? But... that begged another question. Why were you here and not with James when you had both seemed to be enjoying each other’s flirting? 

“Alright then,” You said, smile stiff but you didn’t seem deterred as you grabbed Sirius’ hand in yours. “If you don’t have something to say, then I do. I’m sorry,” You opened your mouth to say more but it seemed stuck in your throat. 

Sirius could feel your palm, sweaty against his own as you struggled for words. “You’re sorry?” He prompted, not sure why you were apologizing. Your cheeks were red but he chalked it up the buzz and the chill in the air that was pricking at his own skin and undoubtedly battling the sweater you wore and winning. You shivered. 

“I’m sorry for being an idiot, I didnt mean to make you jealous-” 

“I wasn’t jealous!” Sirius immediately squeaked, face hot. 

You laughed. Sirius winced. 

“Whatever you and James are it’s cool, I’m not jealous,” He defended again, shielding his own emotions from you. You were still laughing! Was this funny to you? Sirius tore his hand from yours, making his way back towards the school. 

“Siri!” You sighed, realizing you once again had shared too little. “James and I aren’t anything! It was a trick, a prank, really! I was trying to get Lily to admit she liked James and he was doing the same to you.... Both of us are idiots,” 

Sirius stood still once again but he was almost too nervous to face you as you caught back up to him. “What’s the point? Why make a mockery of us?” 

“I-it wasn’t supposed to be that... I don’t want to mock you, I want you to know I like you, a lot,” 

Sirius scoffed. “Funny way of showing it,” Yet, his defenses had fallen with that one blow. Y/N liked him? Surely she couldn’t mean it. 

“I know,” You sighed, fingers intertwining with his once more as you tugged him to face you, his eyes darting around as he refused to make eye contact. He was trying to keep from looking hopeful in case this was still just one big joke. 

“Why?” He asked.

“I told you silly, because I like you and I’m an idiot and-” 

“No,” Sirius cut you off. “I mean, why me? Why not James? He’s- well he’s just better... Honestly, anyone would be better than me. I like you, oh merlin, I like you, Y/N-”

“But?” You encouraged.

“But you deserve better and anyone else would be a better match...” Sirius continued, trying to keep the hurt out of his tone. “I thought for a while you liked Remus and now James and I- Well I thought you liked everyone but me.” 

To anyone that wasn’t you or the marauders, Sirius would sound indifferent as he admitted his own low self esteem. To you, however, you realized just how stupid it was to make Sirius sit in his self doubt to try and get him to say he liked you instead of just admitting it yourself. 

“James is like my brother,” You wrinkled your nose in mock disgust. “I couldn’t ever feel that way about him! It’s always been you Sirius, I don’t care about anyone else the way I care about you. Remus is my best friend and James and Peter are like my annoying siblings, but that is all. You mean far more to me,” 

Sirius blinked slowly. “But I’m-” 

“Perfect,” You smiled. “In every way,” 

Sirius felt like he’d been punched. 

“So,” You blushed. “All that being said, would you do me the honor of letting me make up for my mistake and take you on a date?” 

Sirius beamed, kissing your knuckles as he squeezed your hand in response. “How could I deny you the honor of going on a date with all this?” He motioned to himself, his false confidence blurring with real confidence as he tried to process that you actually liked him! 

“Can I ask one thing though?” He chimed in after a moment of charged silence. 

“Of course,” You let go of the breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. 

“Please, never do that again,” Sirius laughed weakly.

You agreed and pulled him into a tight hug, only pulling away when the rest of your friends found you some odd minutes later, stuck in a cozy embrace.

That weekend, you and Sirius, as well as James and Lily, had a lovely double date. The kiss you’d given him after had told Sirius all he need to know. It was him and only him and had been for quite some time. All was well.  

[telehxhtrash]

Hey, what are your thoughts on that scene right before the invasion, that Shoot looks to Killua and thinks "(...) but then, why is it that once in a while he seems so sad?" (It's vol. 24, p. 205 and 206) Is it because Killua is worried about how Gon will react in his confrotation with Pitou? Or is he feeling helpless because he kinda "failed" in his previous mission? Or because Gon keeps talking about Palm (lol)?

MAN TY FOR THIS ASK BC I DO HAVE THOUGHTS ON THIS !!! 

ok im killugon trash so my pov on this may not be the most objective BUT

let’s think about this. Up until that observation, what happened to Killua during the arc? 

What we saw was Killua constantly putting himself in danger to earn the right to be next to Gon. He felt like he wasn’t enough and was looking for ways to feel worthy of staying by Gon’s side (”is it okay if i stay by your side?”). During this arc, he constantly pushed past his limit in order to protect Gon, or in order to stay by his side.

But paralleled with Killua’s despair and need to stay with Gon forever was Gon pushing him away. First time this happens is with the introduction to Palm, and her trying to “date” Gon, which results in Killua’s feelings of insecurity growing. What if Gon ends up dating her and leaving Killua behind ? One day, Gon would eventually leave him to date someone, right ? So this only fueled Killua’s insecurities and despair to stay by Gon’s side.

But then, Gon pushes him completely out, by refusing to let Killua in on his fight against Pitou (”i’m taking on that one myself”), which further reinforces this idea that Killua is “losing” Gon.

While Killua was desperately trying to get closer to Gon and earn the right to stay by his side, Gon was sadly too focused on revenge and pushed him away, both physically and emotionally.

Killua felt shut out, felt like Gon was putting some distance between the both of them, and with Killua having this sudden surge of new feelings, it just.... destroyed him to see the person he loves the most drift further and further away from him.

Now, what happened right before Shoot makes this observation ? Literally the line that precedes this is :

Gon seems worried about Palm. And we know Killua is jealous of Palm, and has such a terrible, terrible self-esteem that he thinks Gon cares more about her than him.

This idea that Killua feels like Palm is more important to Gon than him is highlighted during their confrontation. Killua emphasizes that “only Palm” can save Gon at this point. Because he feels like she’s more important to him.

Killua really, really believes Gon replaced him with Palm. 

So now, when you put everything together, it makes sense why Killua looks so sad. He’s been struggling with his place next to Gon, feeling so much sudden love for him but struggling to feel worthy of staying by him, and at the same time feeling like his place alongside Gon is threatened by this new romantic rival, who Gon seems to care a lot about.

After having been pushed away both physically and emotionally, and because of his self-loathing, Killua feels like he’s going to lose Gon. Like Gon is putting some distance between them. 

So Gon constantly asking about Palm before the invasion is NOT helping. Because Killua feels like Gon is replacing him with Palm (really tells you a lot about how he sees himself towards Gon - at the same level of a romantic partner. fellas is it gay?)

that’s why in my opinion Shoot makes this observation that Killua looks so sad. Because everything is piling up inside of him and threatening to burst, and it SHOWS.

His love for Gon, his self-loathing, his need to stay by his side forever, the fear of losing him to someone else, the fear of Gon leaving him.

Like you said, I really unironically believe that Gon talking about Palm constantly before the invasion did not help Killua’s insecurities at all and only led him to feel even more sad, because he felt like Gon was replacing him with her. 

So I truly, truly believe that Gon worrying about Palm was one of the major reasons Killua broke down and looked so sad. Because he was jealous of her having Gon’s attention, while he was getting pushed away by the one he loves the most.

Kind of unrelated but kind of not also : I think the whole Gon talking about Palm a lot before the invasion is also what led Killua to have a breakdown over the words “let’s go”. Killua felt bad the entire arc and felt scared about losing Gon. He also felt like Gon cared a lot about Palm and felt extreme sadness because at the same time he opened up to someone new, he began to reject Killua.

all these feelings escalated and accumulated until he just couldn’t contain it anymore. the “let’s go” thing was the last straw that almost pushed him over the edge. he was so scared the entire arc about losing Gon, and he was desperate to know how much Gon cared for him that he almost couldn’t contain himself to ask Gon what he’d been aching to ask for weeks.

That “how do you see me ?” question.

It’s terrible timing. Really, they’re in the middle of a death mission, why is Killua having an existential crisis right now ?

Because he had been desperate the entire arc to earn the right to stay by Gon. Because he loves Gon so, so much and the only thing he wants is to stay by his side forever. Because he saw someone, Palm, a romantic rival, try to take Gon away from him. Because Gon pushed him away. Because Gon kept on talking about Palm, his “love interest”.

That “let’s go” was the last straw. Everything was piling up, and this was once again Gon being distant towards him, which led him to completely lose it and question his entire worth.

Killua looking sad before the Palace Invasion and having a breakdown over the words “let’s go” are definitely related to Gon talking about Palm a few moments before. Because to Killua, Palm is more important to Gon than he is. And because he’s been experiencing such intense, new feelings for him, he couldn’t help but feel jealous and this further fueled his self-loathing, self-deprecation and desperate need for Gon’s validation.

All of these feelings were threatening to burst out of him, as Shoot highlighted, and it ALMOST did as Gon told him to follow him. Because he was desperate for Gon to show him and tell him he still cared about him. 

Gon pushing him away, being distant, and constantly talking about someone else hurt Killua pretty badly.

Because up until this moment, everything led him to believe that Gon was pushing him away and had replaced him. And he desperately needed Gon to tell him how he felt about him.

In short, Shoot pointing out that Killua looked very sad was him highlighting his chaotic gay existential crisis.

man idk if that was clear or not it was really messy but my brain is mush HAHAHA but ty for this ask !!

[yyxgin]

a lot has happened at work recently!! but who cares bleh. libra season!!! which means bday celebrations!! except i’m at work BOO 👎 and my two assistant managers have officially left (i’m helping them move on wednesday) and they were probably the only two who knew when my bday was apart from my supervisor but he’s gone to a different branch to train to be an assistant manager before coming back so i’m super bummed bc now i have to deal w al the new staff by myself 😭

also one of the ladies in kp read my palms?? and she told me i spend too much money impulsively which isn’t false… but i have to spend money impulsively or if spend none at all (which is good for saving ig) but i’d also be doing nothing other than working and that would make me sad lol. she also told me bc i’m a libra this month i’ll be unlucky with love but lucky with money so 🥺🙏🙏 i was having a relatively bad day that day so she was cheering me up n all of that.

did i tell you when my txt and skz albums came, they also came like a week or two later (again) bc they’d accidentally doubled up my order? it was like heaven with skz bc changbin baby is my ult n he was in some of the pulls for the second album 🥵🥵 the limited edition of no easy confuses me bc it’s not like the last one of theirs i bought and typically groups stick to a style when they design albums like mamamoo are all in these cute magnetic flip box thingies and nct’s are all little books type things as well as txt’s but skz switched it up and there’s a fair bit of loose stuff? but it’s okay bc i have two posters n all of the mini flip card things for the members and some bangchan (i’m gifted in pulling chan).

im also hopefully getting a car?? the barman hasn’t gone to prison yet bc the court keep moving his sentencing date(s?) so when i discussed this w my mum she said they’ll probably throw it out and relief filled me!! but ik i shouldn’t be so hopeful but at the same time it’s like why would you mess someone around so much? anyway i’ll move on, i wanted to drop him home in my car bc he deserves a lift everyday what a sweetheart❣️ my co-worker facetimed me today as it was my day off and i said hi to everyone it was so heartwarming to see everyone missing me but also not bc my manager overworks me and he knows that after this weekend 💉🩸

im jumping about with my points and things i want to say but i’m horrible at internet friends so this is okay for me as recently i’ve just not had energy for any friends which is awful of me but i’m still trying to find the balance between work and social. also everyone’s gone to uni and i’m just chilling. i like my life.

i want to redecorate my room. i don’t like the vibe other than when people compliment my kpop wall bc it’s a bunch of my art and then other peoples art and i thoroughly enjoy decorating w pictures and stickers and stuff but it’s literally just a door and it’s depresses me that my happiness is reduced to the back of a singular door now. i want to redo the vibe in my room and make it more me. i’ve never felt comfortable until recently and even now i’m going back to feeling uncomfy now that i know i want it a certain way and to give a certain vibe. idk, maybe it’s bc i watched sex education and seeing lily’s room in the most recent season (i won’t say much more in case you are watching/haven’t seen it yet) really made me realise i want to love myself and love the space i create for myself more. do you enjoy your space you’ve created for yourself? i always feel like peoples rooms say a lot about them as a person but how they see their room in their own eyes always says more.

i want to ask loads of questions and am awful at asking them so please just tell me everything i missed or should be updated on!! ily, always

~ 🌻

LIBRA SEASON !!! omg did i ask you when's your bday ?? i hope i didn't miss it. >:( happy birthday !!!! you deserve so much love. also, i'm sorry about your managers leaving. dealing with new staff is hella stressful and i hope you don't have to have too much responsibility and nerves <3

ooh palm readings are hella interesting. i've never had one but i think i'd like to try. spending money impulsively isn't a bad thing, if it's not an irresponsible spending. and if it is,, well who cares. yolo. i feel you on that tho, bc even tho i am really stingy w money, sometimes i just buy stuff i don't need and act on impulse.

OMG THAT IS A DREAM ?? getting free albums ?? (at least i hope they were free lmao). i like it when groups stick to one type of packaging although i must say i dont like the book thingies nct uses bc there is no magnetic part so it falls apart on my shelf and i hate that. i acutally like the sleeve packaging txt's albums have ?? everyone seems to bitch abt it on tiktok but i find it the most conveniet. also i'm glad changbin came home to you <3

YAAAY TO THE CAR !! AND ALSO TO YOUR COWORKER. i am praying he won't have to go, then, i am really hopeful. he is a sweet soul and doesn't deserve that. pleeease don't put up with your boss overworking you. take care of yourself :(

YOURE NOT HORRIBLE AT INTERNET FRIENDS we are besties. okay ??? and its totally okay to have no energy for friends as well, bc as you can see, i am struggling as well recently. it took me so long to reply to this ask and i feel so bad but it is what it is :// social battery has been low and i am busy with studying and work and trying to put my shit together. i am rooting for you !! <3

go for the decorating !! i actually haven't watched sex education and am not planning on watching so i dont really understand what you mean, but i hope you get to create a space for yourself when you feel free and comfortable. i share a room with my brother so its kind of difficult to decorate it how i want it, but i honestly like sharing a room tbh. he's not here half the time anyway so it's good to see him at least when we go to sleep lmao. but i have a bunch of stuff in my corner that are kpop and my side is full of plants, so i feel good surrounded by them hihi. i like it here.

i don't have many updates. i am actually living a very boring life, so i have nothing to share. preparing for graduation exams has been making me anxious and also depressed with everything that's been going on lately, but it's okay. i'll pull myself together <3 i love you a lot, take care !! i missed you

[myherowritings]

The Language of Flowers

— “Hello may I request a Bakuogu x reader imagine, where […] Bakugou has a huge crush on her. She has a nature quirk and always gives him flowers (which he tuts at but acc loves lol) and one day they’re hanging out and she makes him a daisy chain and then a super cute confession happens? Thank you very much~” by anonymous.

pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader word count: 3.1k warnings: swearing, cheesy flower symbolism

a/n: AH ANON THIS WAS A SUPER CUTE REQUEST i didn’t add in the kiri’s sister part bc i just couldn’t figure out how but i hope you still enjoy!! ;c

“What flowers did Y/L/N bring you today?”

“Don’t know or care.”

Kaminari snorted and Kirishima laughed disbelievingly from his seat against the foot of the bed. The three were in Bakugou’s room on a Friday night after class, and for the entirety of their walk to the dorms, he wouldn’t stop muttering curse words under his breath with the bouquet of flowers you made for him clutched between his hands.

“Right, you don’t care…” drawled Denki. “Which is why you’re putting the flowers she gave you in a vase right next to your bed?”

“Well, what the fuck else am I supposed to do with them?” he fumed, gently arranging the bundles of lilacs despite the deep scowl etched onto his face.

“I don’t know. Maybe toss them on your desk and call it a day? They’d wither up eventually, but you know Y/L/N could just produce some more to replace them.”

Bakugou glared at his dumbass of a friend. Toss them on his desk? Didn’t he know how cluttered and disorganized that would look? (Or how Katsuki would rather chew through glass than place the flowers you gave him in anything less than a clean vase? Not that he’d ever admit that to anyone…)

“I just put them in a stupid jar I found lying around– It’s not that deep, dumbass,” he scoffed.

Kaminari raised a brow as a cocky little grin formed on his face. “Sure.”

“Hey!” Kirishima popped in before Bakugou could send Sparky flying off the edge of his bed. “No matter the reason, I think it’s cool you keep Y/L/N’s flowers.”

Bakugou narrowed his eyes dubiously.

“You do?” voiced Denki.

He nodded. “It’s kind of manly when you think about it. Bakugou keeping the bouquets and learning the meanings of each flower just for Y/N–”

“I don’t learn their fucking meanings, dumbass!”

“Is that right?” Eijirou asked challengingly. “What do peonies stand for?”

Katsuki made an indignant noise. “Hell if I know.”

Kaminari raised his hand with an excited look. “I know! I know! It represents how much she wants you to smash the living daylights–”

“Watch your fucking mouth!” he hissed, hurling a pencil at him with full force, only for it to be stopped in the nick of time by Shitty Hair’s quirk. Bakugou glowered. “I’ve already told you before peonies symbolize a bashful yet compassionate love. Or can your two and a half brain cells not recall?”

His two friends–if they should even have the privilege of being called that–exchanged glances that made Bakugou want to kick them both out of his dorm room. Who the fuck let them come over in the first place?

A grin spread on Eijirou’s face, showing off his sharp teeth. “So she gave you the peonies to tell you she loves you but is too shy to say so herself?”

Katsuki’s face burned. “No! What the hell–?”

“Or maybe she’s saying she knows you love her but you’re too much of a pussy to say anything?” suggested Denki.

“First of all, fuck you. And that’s not it either, you dumbass!”

“Then what else could it mean?” he asked.

“That she liked peonies?” cried Bakugou incredulously. “Why are you asking me?! How should I know?”

Katsuki kept his fists clenched by his sides, seconds away from completely losing his temper at the two idiots in front of him.

Kirishima raised a brow. “You’re telling me you don’t care at all about the flowers Y/L/N gives you.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” he lied through his teeth. He hated how he felt an uncomfortable pang in his heart as he said those words.

What the fuck was that? he thought, glaring down at his chest.

“Interesting,” Kirishima mused. “So, if I were to unlock your phone, I wouldn’t find tabs of ‘flower symbolism’ open on your browser?”

Kaminari grinned, looking over at the vase of purple flowers. “He probably searched up ‘the meaning of lavender’ and is currently reading through ten different flower blogs.”

Bakugou’s left eye twitched. “Lilacs.”

“What?”

“They’re lilacs you dumbass! Not lavender. Can’t you tell by the color?”

Denki blinked. “No?”

“Tch. Stupid,” he grumbled, rubbing a petal of the flower between his thumb and forefinger.

Lavender represented serenity and calmness– Dumb shit he didn’t care about. But lilacs were a different story.

Lilacs, specifically the light purple ones you gave him, symbolized first love. Love, happiness, passion… All those things reminded him of you. It was a thought so gentle it brought a strange feeling to his stomach, but he couldn’t say he hated it.

Bakugou stiffened. What the fuck was he thinking?

Shaking his head fervently, he forced himself out of his thoughts and turned to his two bumbling friends.

“…what do you think, Bakugou?” he heard Eijirou ask.

He scratched the back of his neck. “Think about what?”

Kirishima glanced at him curiously, noticing the uncharacteristic way Bakugou has been spacing out recently. “I said me, Kaminari, and Sero are going to the comic store tomorrow. You should join us.”

Katsuki internally cursed, knowing what he was about to say would bring along teasing that came with no end.

“I would,” he said carefully, “but I already have plans.”

“Oh, are you going home this weekend?” piped Denki.

“No.”

“Hero training?” asked Eijirou.

“No.”

“Are you banned from leaving campus grounds again–?”

“No!” Bakugou growled, rubbing his temples in slow circles. “For fuck’s safe, you two make my head hurt. I can’t go because I already made plans with someone else.”

Dumbass Number One gave him a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. “Someone else, huh?”

“And who is this someone else?” the blond-haired Dumbass Number Two questioned.

Kirishima nudged him with his elbow, causing Kaminari to nudge him back until the two were on the verge of wrestling on the floor of Bakugou’s dorm room.

Bakugou could only look back and forth between them and sigh. Dumbasses.

“He obviously means Y/L/N,” Eijirou said in a matter-of-fact tone, giving Katsuki a thumbs up. Katsuki responded with an eye roll. “He just didn’t want to say it because he likes to pretend his enormous crush on her isn’t obvious.”

“I don’t have a crush on Y/L/N,” he protested, folding his arms across his chest defensively.

“Right, and who exactly are you hanging out with tomorrow?” asked Denki.

“Listen– Just because I agreed to hang out with her doesn’t mean I like her!”

Kirishima hummed. “Sure. Have fun on your date tomorrow.”

Katsuki fumed. “It’s not a date!”

“Yeah, but you wish it were.”

With a final twitch of his eye and clenching of his jaw, Bakugou marched over to their seats on his floor, fingers flexing as the sweat that popped off his skin mad a sound so menacing his two idiot friends exchanged nervous glances with a visible swallow.

Laughing nervously, Denki shoved Eijirou in front of him for more time and made a dash towards the door.

“Have fun on your date!” Kirishima called, whacking Kaminari in the back of the head as he ran frantically away from a seething Katsuki.

“Use protection!” Denki warned, tripping over the carpet as he rubbed his sore neck, struggling to scurry away before Bakugou could lay hands on him. “Lots of protection!”

“I’LL MURDER YOU. BOTH OF YOU.”

- - - - -

In the end, Bakugou didn’t murder anyone.

If he had, Aizawa probably wouldn’t have let him leave campus grounds and he would’ve missed his not-date with you. (Not that he cared if he saw you or not. He just figured slaughtering the two idiots wouldn’t be worth a week of cleaning duty.)

“Thanks for coming with me, Bakugou-kun,” you thanked once more, picnic basket swinging in hand as you walked beside him.

“Yeah, whatever,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes with a nonchalant shrug. “It’s not like I had anything better to do.”

Just stop fucking talking, you asshole, he scolded, wanting to punch himself in the face.

But his words didn’t seem to phase you in the slightest. You were well aware of his blunt, harsh persona and yet you chose to stick around him anyway.

You laughed, brushing off his dismissive remark with a sideways smiles he couldn’t look away from. “Well, I’m glad you had nothing better to do then.”

“Pfft.”

By the time the two of you arrived at the nearby park, the sun was resting lazily atop the clouds, rays shining through as you found a spot in the shade for the picnic blanket. You finished setting up the food before getting comfortable, offering Bakugou a sandwich as he took a seat next to you.

“Thanks,” he said, awkwardly taking a bite as he tried to think of what to say.

“No problem,” you replied, clearing your throat as the silence settled between you. “Did you like the flowers I gave you yesterday? They’re one of my favorites!”

Bakugou snorted. “You say that about every flower.”

“Because every flower deserves to be loved!”

Although he scoffed externally, on the inside he couldn’t help but feel a begrudging flutter at your words. It just wasn’t possible for someone to have such a kind heart– There must’ve been some catch.

“The lilacs were fine. Thanks,” he mumbled under his breath, uprooting a strand of grass as he rested his palms behind him.

He wasn’t sure why he felt so nervous. Katsuki had hung around you plenty of times, but something about this moment sent his nerves on edge.

You beamed, a smile so bright it was capable of disarming all his defenses. “I’m happy you liked them! And you knew they were lilacs? I’m impressed. Most people would mistake them for lavender.”

Bakugou thought back to his certified dumb blond friend and scoffed at the memory. “Tch. Only idiots would mistake a pale purple lilac for lavender.”

With a teasing giggle at the somber frown on his face, you nodded. “Right. It definitely didn’t take me months to learn the difference, or anything.” You nudged his shoulder with your own at the sight of his wide-eyed expression. “Maybe you’re just a natural-born flower expert.”

He bristled. “Don’t call me that.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that,” you protested, folding your arms across your chest at his indignant tone. “I think it’s cool. Besides, flowers are amazing!”

“They’re whatever.”

Katsuki shrugged dismissively as he tried to ignore the knowing look on your face.

“Come on, Bakugou-kun. It’s me,” you said, poking his arm with your index finger. (If it were anyone else, he would’ve shoved them off. But since it was you… He sighed.) “You can admit that you like flowers. I won’t judge.”

“Hmph.”

You pouted, lip jutting out in a small frown. “At least tell me what your favorite flower is.”

He thought about it for a while. “I don’t have one.”

“You have to have one!”

“Don’t you have like 50 because you can’t choose just one?!” asked Bakugou incredulously.

“Yes, but… I have one flower that I love slightly more than the rest,” you said conspiratorially, tapping the bottom of your chin.

Crawling over to the edge of the picnic blanket, you held your hands about the fertile soil and sprouted bundles of white-petaled flowers with yellow centers.

“Daisies?” he guessed.

You nodded in excitement. “Yes! See, I told you– Flower expert!”

Katsuki fought the blush off his cheeks. “It’s just common knowledge.”

It most definitely was not because he spent hours researching all the different types of flowers after the first week of you constantly giving them to him.

“Sure.” You grinned. “I love daisies for a lot of reasons, but one of the reasons is because they make the prettiest flower chains.”

His brows furrowed. “Flower chain?”

You turned towards him with a disbelieving look on your face. “You’ve never made a flower chain?”

“Never even heard of it.”

Your eyes looked as if they were about to bulge out of their sockets as your held your hand above your chest. “My… My heart is hurting.”

Bakugou dismissed your over-exaggeration with a tsk, but felt the corners of his lips quirking upwards nonetheless. Glancing down at the cluster of white daisies you had just sprouted, you took one between your thumb and index finger and pinched it at the stem.

“Can I show you how?” you asked with a hopeful expression.

He blinked in surprise but managed a shrug. “I guess.”

“Great!” you cheered. You beckoned him over to the spot beside you as you kneeled against the soft bed of grass. Gently plucking a bundle of flowers you had just sprouted, you handed them to him. “There are lots of different ways to make a daisy chain, but I think the braiding method is the best.”

Bakugou wasn’t sure how the fuck there could’ve been different methods for sticking flowers together, but he nodded despite himself. “You can show me that one then.”

Moving closer next to him, you held three daisies in one hand and showed him how to braid–one strand over the other. As you went down the stem, you slowly added more and more flowers to the chain, twisting as it began to curve into a circle.

“Am I doing this right?” he asked gruffly, looking between your chain and his with a slight frown. His was sparse with some areas looking like they were about to fall apart.

Taking in the condition of his flowers, you stifled a laugh. “Looks fine to me.”

“Hmph.”

After a few minutes of grumbles and complaints, Bakugou slowly got the hang of making the daisy chain. In a way, the repetitive movements were sort of relaxing.

You were seated beside him, so close your thigh was brushing against his and he struggled to remain focused on the task at hand.

“Did you know daisies are actually a mix of two flowers?” you said, drawing his attention even more towards you. “The yellow centers are disc florets and the white petals are ray florets.”

He peered closer at the head of the flower in between his fingers, examining the small floral discs that made up the yellow center.

“That’s why, in flower language, white daisies are known to symbolize true love,” you told him. Katsuki looked over at you to find a small smile on your face as you finished up the last of your daisy chain. “It’s the joining together of two different types of flowers, and they fit perfectly. One wouldn’t be the same without the other.”

Your gaze flitted to his as a flush filled his cheeks at your intimate words, and for once in his life, he was at a complete loss for words.

There was a slight twinkle in your eye as you stared with your lips slightly parted. The tension in the air grew when neither of you wanted to look away first in fear of ruining this moment. The setting of the sun cast gentle shadows of your eyelashes and cheekbones and Katsuki was completely annoyed but how disarming your smile in the sunset was.

Clearing his throat, he glared down at the floor as you bit your lip, toying with the petals of the daisy in your lap.

“Ahem– Um, well…” you trailed off, opening and shutting your mouth as you tried to form your thoughts into a sentence. “I made this for you!”

Fumbling with the daisy chain in your hands, you extended your arms out, offering the flower crown to him with your head bowed. His eyes widened in alarm as you waited for him to take the gift.

“W-What are you doing, baka?! You don’t need to bow!” he cried, an intense blush making its way to his cheeks as you peered up at him through your lashes.

“But I wanted to give this to you.”

“You don’t have to give it like that!”

You huffed, puffing your cheeks out in an embarrassed pout. “Do you not want it?”

“I never said that–! But even if I did, it’s not like it never stopped you before,” Katsuki said defensively, muttering an oath under his breath when he felt even the tips of his ears heat up at your actions.

Fighting the flushed expression off your face, you chewed the inside of your cheek. You withdrew your extended arms, hugging the daisies close to your chest as you absentmindedly stroked a white petal.

“Do you want me to stop?” you blurted, your voice quiet.

He looked taken aback. “What?”

You avoided his questioning stare as you continued, “I like giving you all these flowers because the look on your face for the fraction of a second you let your guard down is something I always want to see–” Katsuki’s palms grew sweaty as he felt his temperature rise to inhuman heights. “But, if it annoys you and you want me to stop… I will.”

Bakugou glared down at his lap, unsure where the hell your thought came from or how the fuck he should reply. He didn’t want you to stop– He thought that much was clear.

“Tch.” He shook his head, mumbling under his breath. “Baka.”

You blinked. “I’m sorry?”

He looked up at you, meeting your confused gaze with his intense one. “If you were annoying me, I would’ve told you. I don’t– I don’t mind you giving me all these…dumb flowers.”

Tilting your head to the side, you asked cautiously, “So you like them?”

The most Katsuki could bring himself to do was shrug, but it was enough for you to understand the true meaning he couldn’t bring himself to admit. Slowly, a grin lit up your face as you nudged his side.

“Well, good. Because they like you, too.”

The smile you gave him made it clear there was something more behind your words as well. He glared, flustered. “We’re talking about the stupid flowers, right?”

“Of course,” you said with an all too innocent nod. “What else could we be talking about?”

The two of you shared a knowing smile before he rolled his eyes, taking the daisy chain in your hands and placing them on his head. It felt weird and awkward, but he figured he could put up with it for you. As you stared at him, a weird expression dawn on your face that made him frown in embarrassment.

“What are you looking at, baka?”

You hid the secretive smirk on your face behind your hands. “You. You look cute in that.”

“Yeah… Whatever,” he scoffed, despite the warmth spread in his chest.

And by the time the not-date came to an end, Katsuki wasn’t sure how the two of you ended up walking back to the dorms, smiling dazedly as you walked hand-in-hand. All he knew was, one day, he wanted to be the one to bring you flowers.

a/n: okay honestly i just want bakugou to fall in love so we can see this tsundere but also soft and sweet side of him ahhh i would die. anyway, this was very cheesy hehe but i hope it made you smile! xx sofia

[schnees-and-schnugs]

head empty baby schneebling ficlet ??? (just so yall know i had no idea what this was going to be about until i started typing so im gonna be surprised by what i write too). if it seems that winter has chronic ADHD brain in this fic its bc i have chronic ADHD brain and that’s just how i roll.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Winter tried to ignore the meowing as long as she could. After all, there was not a single feline creature to be found in the manor, so either she’s dreaming or hallucinating. Or maybe her ears are ringing from her father’s latest tantrum. 

  Being held hostage at the dinner table and forced to listen to his incessant barking voice ought to have caused me permanent brain damage. She smirked under her covers. Now if I can close my eyes and go back to sleep-

  “MEEEEROOOWOOW”

  What the fuck is that?

  Winter knew she ought to get up but she really did not want to. Her thighs ached from horse riding lessons earlier in the day. Her head ached from her business studies her father forced down her throat. Her soul ached from the pain of existence. She was beginning to think she was being punished for some transgression- if being unbelievably charming and sexy deserved- actually, I don’t think I’m going to finish that train of thought. 

  Winter could only tolerate her own sense of humor in small doses, but giver her situation- her entire life up to this point- she didn’t think having an unbecoming jocularity was high up on her list of Current Problems and Tragedies. In fact, it’s quite low given that her father makes up the better part of the first half. 

  She rolled onto her side, one ear muffled by her pillow, and the other under the soft thick layer of her cotton blanket. The noise seemed to have disappeared, and Winter was quite okay with that. She wondered briefly of the possibility of a mountain lion finding its way into the Schnee Estate. She wasn’t even sure if wild animals such as that existed in Solitas, much less bright and pristine Atlas. Winter wasn’t even sure if mountain lions meowed. 

  If a beast made it’s way into the manor, what would I even do? No doubt she would try to locate the animal, gather Weiss and Whitley in her arms and stow them somewhere safe. Maybe even use a piece of meat to lure the lion into father’s bedroom, she mused. Winter tried lull herself back to sleep with the thought of her father begging her for mercy as she unleashes her new pet-

  “MREEEEEEEEEEEWOOOOOOOOOOOOOW”

  Her eyes snapped open. Gods-

  A soft muffled voice followed the feline yell. A familiar voice. A voice exactly suited for one little boy she new very well. 

  Winter narrowed her eyes and listening closely. She could tell it was Whitley from the general childish sound of his tone, but due to her very comfortable position in bed, she couldn’t quite her the specifics. Huffing, she sat up and pricked up her ears.

  “... quiet....please kitty... you’re going to wake up....”

  Winter sputtered. Kitty?

  Did Whitley somehow bring a cat into the manor? She didn’t doubt that given the chance he would- he was overly fond of animals in a way that Winter never understood. Not that she hated animals per se, but the idea of the added responsibility of a pet on top of her already ever-growing responsibilities of being heir to the SDC did not sit well with her. Whitley on the other hand, being the third child, and well, and actual child, didn’t really have much to care about beyond his normal tutoring sessions. Which means that, of course he can have a tiny bird feeders outside his window to feed the little birdies and cry at the sight of a roasted chicken because how could they kill and cook and innocent little animal?

  Winter didn’t understand how a child under 10 years of age could be taken by vegan persuasions- even Father was shocked to silence at that outburst at the dinner table.

  The sound of Whitley’s voice faded out as Winter strained her ears. If he did bring a cat into the manor, she needed to fix that immediately. Father would be furious at not only being woken up in the middle of the night but Whitley breaking the strict rule of no animals whatsoever allowed indoors.

  Father is allergic.

  (What animal he’s allergic to is unknown, but Winter suspects he’s just afraid of them).

  Sliding off the bed, Winter winced at the feeling of cold tile on her bare feet. She simultaneously thought of giving Whitley a good scolding for making her roll off of bed at such an ungodly hour and thanking the Gods that Whitley’s room was right next to hers on the other side of the wall. And the farthest away from Father’s room.

  Sliding her feet into a pair of pale blue fluffy slippers, she cautiously stepped out of her room and into the hallway. The moment the clock strikes 12 the hallway lamps usually shut off on their own, leaving at least this portion of the manor pitch black until the sun rises and lights up through the windows. If Father was working late he would manually change the lights to turn off at a later time- only to suite himself, of course. Everyone else who had the misfortune of living in the manor had to finish up and be back in their rooms by midnight or suffer having to find their room in the dark among the endless doors that lined the hallway. Winter had mastered the art of blindly walking down this hall- but not without multiple mishaps and embarrassments at first, unfortunately. 

  Arms outstretched, Winter felt her way from her doorway to Whitley’s room. She kept close to the wall and tiptoed, feeling for the doorknob before pressing her ear against the room door.

  “Are you hungry little kitty?” There was an affirmative purr and Whitley hummed. “I’m going to have to find you some treats...”

  Winter could practically hear the cogs turning in his little adolescent mind. She knew for sure that Whitley was formulating a plan to break into the food storage for the animals in Mom’s garden- would they even have any cat food in there? He surely is going to be disappointed. 

  Winter sighed. She almost wished she had stayed in bed. She turned the knob and nudged open the door, prompting Whitley to softly gasp. 

  “Winnie!” She heard him quickly shift on his bed. Winter stepped fully into the space before gently closing the door behind her. She turned towards him and assessed the scene before her. Whitley, in his white nightgown, sat in the middle of the bed. He was cradling a suspicious lump wrapped up with his blanket while his round face was contorted by a small frown as he stared back at his oldest sister.

  “Father says that we shouldn’t leave out room after midnight”, the lump shifted and Whitley clutched it tighter.

  “Father also says we aren’t allowed to bring animals into the manor...” Winter crossed her arms over her chest. “What’s that on your lap?”

  “Nothing!”

  “Are you sure?” Whatever annoyance Winter felt melted away at the sight of Whitley pouting. She sauntered playfully to the edge of his bed and wiggled and finger in his face. “Are you lying to me? Your older sister Winnie? You’re lying to me?”

  Whitley broke eye contact. “Well...” The lump mewed and a furry white paw extended from out of the cover of the blanket. Winter raised a brow.

  “That looks suspiciously like a cat.” Winter crawled into his bed and uncovered the little creature. The cat loafed on Whitley’s lap, grooming the pristine white fur on around its pink paw beans. It looked to be a few years old. 

  “Isn’t it pretty?” Whitley caressed the cat’s back, having already moved on from the earlier argument. Winter tried to pat its head but the little critter swiftly dodged her palm and scampered to the edge of the bed and curled up, seemingly to sleep. Rude.

  There’s a more present matter at hand anyways.

  “Where did you find it?” Winter turned her attention back to her little brother.

  “Her”

  “What?”

  “It’s a she, Winnie! Look at her butt!” Winter politely declined the suggestion. She had no interest in inspecting the cat’s backside- she didn’t seem to like Winter anyways.

  “Well, where did you find her?” 

  “I didn’t find her! Mr. Hartley gave her to me”

  “The grounds keeper?”  Winter scoffed. “Why would he give you a cat?”

  He narrowed his eyes at her. “Why don’t you don’t believe me?” His eyes started to brim with tears and he grabbed Winters right hand with his own two smaller ones. “Father said we’re not allowed to bring animals in here but I didn’t know what to do! Mr. Hartley said he’s leaving but he can’t take her with him. I said I would keep her. But Father is going to yell at me if he finds out- I’m scared...” 

  Winter’s chest ached at the desperation in Whitley’s voice. This isn’t normal is it? For a child to be so terrified of their parent like this. When she was his age, she felt the same way- so scared and vulnerable. It was the end of the world to get negative attention from Father, and most of the time it seemed to be the only type of attention he gave. It almost seemed par for the course all those years ago. She didn’t know any better- it was just the norm.

  Looking at Whitley, petrified like she was- she could see the abuse from the outside. Almost as if she’s watching her own experiences and she’s chained to a front row seat. Except she didn’t have an older sibling to hold her hand and to share the pain with. To protect her. To defend her. Isn’t that what she always wanted in the worst days of the past? Couldn’t she be that now?

  Whitley couldn’t keep the cat. There was no amount of convincing that could make Father give in- it’s always been about his own ego, more than anything. But that doesn’t mean that Father has to know this cat was ever here in the first place. Atlas has plenty of animal shelters, and having a pet cat was in vogue now. She would convince Whitley to let Klein take the cat to the nearest one in the morning. Father would never know if they were discrete. 

  “Winnie...” Whitley’s bright blue eyes searched her face.

  Winter grabbed him under his arms, and with little struggle, sat him between her stretched out legs. She hugged him around the waist from behind and softly told him her plan. 

  “... do you want to do this with me?”

  Whitley sniffed. “I can’t keep her?”

  “Father won’t allow you to. We can make sure the kitty is safe and taken care of though... Klein will do this for us, I know it. You won’t get yelled at and you can tell her goodbye in the morning. Father will be none the wiser.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that he’ll never know.”

  Whitley was quiet for a few seconds before Winter felt him nod softly beneath her chin. “Can I sleep with her tonight?”

  Winter blinked. She forgot it was currently hours past Whitley’s bedtime. He must be half asleep.

  “Yes. Just make sure to keep her in your room, okay? I’ll leave a message for Klein to see in the morning. Don’t...” She paused. She noticed Whitley breath start to even out as he fell asleep against her.

  I suppose I’m going to be sleeping her tonight also. She needed to make sure that this all goes well. However, Winter couldn’t ignore the uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. Was she just getting Whitley used to this? Hiding secrets out of fear? Was she allowing Father to have his way in Whitley’s eyes? Getting Whitley accustomed to living under Father’s thumb? She was just trying to protect him. But she couldn’t shake the feeling of selfishness, that she was denying Whitley happiness for the sake of peace with their Father.

  Mom always told her to choose her battles carefully. 

  She couldn’t help but feel that if she chose all the wrong ones, she’ll end up hurting Whitley beyond repair.

[silasblvthe]

Silas Blythe is known as the Coin (tails). In Summerset they work as a bar owner but this is only one side of their life. They are also a 127 years old, demon. They identify as cis male and use he/him. Some people even say they resemble Chris Wood, but they wouldn’t be caught dead on the isle. 

heeey everyone, i’m gray !! this disaster child of mine is silas and i’d like to apologize in advance for any havoc he may cause ... i am so excited to start writing with all of u !! this will probably be a bit of a mess bc i am still figuring him out just a bit but here we go

name: silas blythe age: 127 (appears to be a little over 30) species: demon occupation: bar owner label: the coin (tails) song: the guardian by shawn james

backstory

the sun gazes fondly down on you in the clear blue sky. flowers of every color grow as far as the eye can see. there’s a waterfall just ahead, flowing rapidly from great heights ; the sound brings you peace. the calm breeze blows gently through your lover’s hair as she smiles back at you. the warmth makes you feel safe, loved --- like nothing sinister could ever reach you. not here. not when you’re with her. this is your favorite place in the world--no--- in the infinite expanse of the universe. you close your eyes, drink it all in. you’ve stopped walking and she stops with you, turning to kiss each of your eyelids so tenderly that you wonder if you’ve imagined it. when you open your eyes to look, she’s there, still only inches away from your face and you can’t help the smile that forms on your lips. if you could live in this moment forever, you would -- but nothing lasts. nothing this good. not for you. 

if you had known that your life would come crumbling down around you in the next few moments, you would have never ventured to this beautiful place. one second you’re basking in the bliss of being with the one who has your heart in her palm, the next she’s lying cold in your arms as she takes her last breath ( or so you think ). it all happens so fast --- your memory is muddled, you can’t quite put the pieces together anymore. you never imagined that this place would be dangerous, but someone must have followed you. a storm forms above you in all your grief as you hold her close to you, vowing that you’ll see her again. ‘don’t worry,’ you say. ‘ i’ll find a way, i’ll find a way, i promise. this is temporary. i’ll do anything to get you back.’

you and your broken pieces return to avalon, and instead of giving yourself time process what had happened, you immediately begin your search. a way to bring her back home to you. you read every spell book you can get your hands on. your friends and family see your grief and they’re supportive at first, simply because they don’t want to lose you. he’ll stop eventually, right? you overhear them saying to each other. but you don’t stop. you try anything and everything. you ask around in high places, and when that leads to nothing but dead ends, you resort to the lowest of low places. surely someone has to know how to bring someone back to life without using dark magic. you promised yourself a long time ago that you would never go down that path. you’ve lost too many people to darkness already. loss after loss, you start to lose sight of yourself. your family worries about you, and you don’t blame them, but you can’t possibly understand when they tell you to quit. how could you just give up on the one thing that is holding you together? 

you get desperate --- so desperate, you find yourself sneaking around, combing through forbidden spell books filled with nothing but the darkest of magic. the kind that requires pieces of your soul just to cast them. you put the consequences at the back of your mind, unable to think about anything else except the possibility of getting the love of your life back. you also looked into ways to protect her once she was back in your arms, a way to make her invulnerable. you wouldn’t lose her again. never again. 

bit by bit, spell by spell, your soul is chipped away, but nothing is working. the darkness starts to consume you, and cannot stop. you won’t. your fraternal twin sees you struggling, hurting, and the only solution that they see to save you from yourself is to tell the fae queen. you see this as the worst kind of betrayal imaginable.  you’ve damned yourself beyond the point of redemption, so you’re not surprised when they banish you to earth. back to where it all started. perhaps if you were not so far gone, this would have made you realize that it was time to stop, but you were lost in the pursuit for power now. although you give away the last piece of your soul, you feel no remorse. you feel more in control than you ever have in your life, and as time passes, your past feels farther and farther away. you never grieved the loss of your lover, instead you locked the pain away in the darkest corner of your mind. you don’t think about her much now, but every once and a while, you swear you see her likeness in passersby and a twinge of guilt rises inside of you. 

currently 

it’s been a little over 50 years since his descent into darkness ... he is thriving as a demon tbh 

he’s the owner of the most poppin bar in summerset. the employees range from demons to vampires and even some humans ... if anyone acts up he takes care of them immediately , u could say he fires them ... but make it ~ literal ~ 

he has most of the authorities in his back pocket, so if anything goes awry with a human, he gets someone to cover it up < 3 

the bar itself has kind of a modern speakeasy theme to it, with a cool hidden entrance n everything. there’s also private rooms that only some people know about, mostly supernaturals but some humans are aware of them too ... a room to make deals w/ demons when u need a spell cast, a room for vampires to bring humans to drink freely (as long as they don’t drain them), a room with a witch that you can ask favors from -- all for a price, of course, whether it be money or favors. although, silas prefers to be paid in the latter. 

he thrives on chaos, so you won’t catch him breaking up a bar fight unless there’s a human involved and it looks like they might actually end up dead

yes, he is absolutely still bitter about his twin snitching on him to the queen even tho he thinks he’s better off as a demon ... 

he does not often let himself care about others bc of the fear of losing them, but he is loyal to those who are loyal to him 

anyone who gets on his bad side is dealth with ... without mercy 

wanted connections

his main bartender ... preferable a witch or a demon, someone who can enchant drinks upon request !! 

other employees at the bar ; bouncer, cocktail waitresses, cook(s), managers, etc.

i’ll probably make this an actual WC but i’ll put it here for now... hear me out... in a horrific twist his lover is actually indeed still alive but faked her death (for reasons that can be discussed!!) like maybe she was human and got turned into a vampire so thats how shes still alive after all these years or something ... so this becoming a demon has all been for nothing how fun !!! but just imagine all the angst and pain <33 

someone who will stir up trouble with him for funsies ... mess with people just for the hell of it 

alrighty that’s it for now !! please let me know if any of these interest you OR if you want to plot out something else, i am down for pretty much anything tbh ?? 

[lovesickjoon]

heart over mind - knj (m)

pairing: namjoon/reader

rating: nsfw (18+)

genre: werewolf au, alpha!joon/omega!reader

words:  4.5k

desc: namjoon comes back from visiting his family, and well... you go into heat earlier than expected.. knowing how stressed joon gets after long flights and dealing with his family for several weeks... well, you take heat suppressants and things go very wrong!

warnings: light smut, p much just oral, bestie/roommate!joon, oblivious!reader&joon, lots of talk abouts heats... light health scare bc drugs are bad, etc etc

notes: if you do not know what a/b/o tropes are, then you might want to go search up what it is before reading! bc it's... yeah. i hope this makes.. sense. i literally dk what i was doing while writing thissdjkfl

The airport was noisy and jammed full of people, young and old. You scanned the crowd, disappointment welling in your chest at every person you mistook for him. The numerous layers of clothing wrapped around your figure did little to stop the cold. The frigid, winter air circulating through the building wasn't helping in the slightest, it only made you tremble more.

Your breath caught in your throat when out of the corner of your eye, you captured a glimpse of him. Namjoon's arms lock around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. You try to twist yourself around to face him, but Namjoon's grasp is firm and resilient. Namjoon has your arms confined beneath his, and you find yourself awkwardly grasping onto his arms.

You said nothing, your mind racing now that your best friend was safely back home. Namjoon buries his face into the side of your neck, inhaling deeply. He tenses around you, and your heart stutters. Namjoon draws away, and you see his nose twitch. You force a smile, hoping the scent change wasn't too noticeable. Apparently, it is, so rather than a proper 'hello' you explain.

"Do I smell different?" you ask, letting out an awkward chuckle. "It's probably because I switched my body wash," you spit out, silently praying that would be convincing enough that Namjoon wouldn't bring it up.

It wasn't a lie, either. You made the switch the moment you realized you were going into heat. It just so happened to be one that blocked your scent. You had also, possibly, taken a few heat suppressants.

He would be pissed if he knew you were here, in heat. Namjoon would be even angrier if he knew you were using everything in your power to shove it away. Especially if it was for his sake and comfort. Your roommate had grown a little protective over you in the few months you had lived together. Namjoon was rarely affected or even bothered by your heats. Most of the time, he was lurking around the house, bored out of his mind and ready to fetch you whatever you desired.

You didn't want to ruin the first few moments of being back home.

"Oh," Namjoon says after a few moments of silence.

He doesn't say more than that, but you can sense the worry radiating off of him. You search his face and an unfamiliar expression flashes across it. It almost looks like a pang of jealousy, but you're sure you're mistaken. Namjoon could care less about what you were doing, right?

Namjoon shakes his head, and immediately you can tell that Namjoon doesn't believe you.

He searches for the exit and pulls you to it. He lets you lead him to your car, and the two of you make small talk along the way.

You ask him how his family was, what he did while he was away, and many more basic questions. He answered ordinarily, thinking a moment before speaking as he always did. He shot simple questions back at you, and you told him you spent the time doing the same as you usually had done.

Namjoon didn't bring it up again, but you were on edge. The weird scent was worse now that you were trapped in the car together. You kept your eyes focused on the road, trying not to think about it.

You clutched the wheel tightly, quelling the violent trembles racking your body. The time for you to take another dosage was near, but if traffic was good, you would make it. You turn up the volume on the radio, unable to stand the silence. You mindlessly let yourself sing, you're probably being obnoxious, but you're trying to keep your mind off of the aches.

Namjoon takes his phone out and tries to focus on something on the screen. You can tell the gears in his mind are busy trying to pay attention to anything other than you.

Namjoon probably was trying to figure out why you were lying and what was wrong. Your body was beginning to ache once more. You merely wanted to get home at this point. You could take another dose of suppressants and do your best to shy away from Namjoon.

Namjoon...

It seemed as if the man might pop a vein from trying to pay attention to his phone.

If he kept this up, you were going to have to tell him and let him be bitter. You couldn't take Namjoon worrying himself to death. Thinking about it now, this wasn't the best idea. It was a spur of the moment idea. An error.

When you first moved in with Namjoon, you had decided then to try to be the best roommate you could be. You were supposed to be roommates with an Omega initially, but that never worked out. You were in such a predicament at the time it was either Namjoon or the streets. Jin and Hoseok tried to explain to you that Namjoon was different, but you wouldn't accept it at first. After much convincing, you ultimately moved in with him. You had gone to the doctor and gotten everything you needed to control your heat. You decided then that you were going to break the needy omega stereotype. You weren't going to be annoying and in the way due to your biology.

Unlike what you expected, Namjoon made sure you were always comfortable. Those pills sat untouched in your drawer for months. You were never shoved in your room unless you wanted to be.

In the beginning, you thought that maybe you were just unattractive. Or something about your scent threw him off.  Namjoon was pretty vague when it came to explaining his reasoning, but according to him, it was because of his nose. He joked that his nose was broken, but you had a feeling it was something deeper than that.

Jin was the one who told you, rather than Namjoon himself.

Namjoon had been through... a lot, previously. Jin didn't give an incredible amount of details either. He summed it up by telling you it was a family friend who passed during her heat.

Turns out, Namjoon's nose wasn't as broken as he was playing it off to be, either. He could still smell everything, but it was dulled. Which lead to him being affected, but not harshly.

Abruptly, the music is turned down by Namjoon.

"Are you sick?" he asks, tilting his head to the side. Your mouth falls slightly agape, and you try to muster up an answer. Do you say yes? If so, will he be upset that you still came to get him? If you say no, then there's a chance that he will think you're lying and pressure you more.

The options are absolute shit, but you opt for the less suspicious option.  

"Yes," you mumble underneath your breath, not letting your eyes stray from the road in front of you. Being in heat could qualify as being sick. Right? Then that meant you weren't lying to him. Right? At least, when you were in high school, it counted as being sick.

You find the dial to turn the music up once more, but Namjoon's cool hand wraps itself around your wrist. Your heart flutters at the contact, and you draw your hand away from the dial.

Your heart always did this, regardless of whether you were in heat or not. You beat back your feelings with a broom every single day you woke up. It was a struggle.

Namjoon, you think, had dropped hints in the past that the feelings were mutual. You were never entirely sure, though. You weren't oblivious to it. Frankly, you were just... unsure.

Part of you figured you were only projecting your feelings towards Namjoon. He could be interested, but you didn't need to find out. You lived with him, and you didn't want to find a new place any time soon. If the two of you were to get together and then break up... Well, someone would probably want to move out. Considering Namjoon was there long before you... Well.

He was also your best friend, and you didn't want to lose that bond. Would he even be interested in remaining friends after all is said and done?

You knew the risks, but they entirely vanished and became irrelevant when Namjoon came into the picture. You repeated to yourself that you wouldn't date him, that you didn't have an interest in him, but deep down you knew that wasn't exactly true. If Namjoon were to admit feelings or want to try dating you, you would say yes. You had pondered the idea many times, and you always came to the same conclusion.

Your heart would win over your mind.

You place the hand back on the wheel. The beating of your heart is so loud, you nearly miss the words that Namjoon mumbles.

"Why do I feel like you're lying to me?

He lets his hand fall back to his lap and goes quiet.

You decide to ignore that, and let it roll off of you. Water off of a duck's back. You two of you spend the rest of the ride home sitting in silence, not daring to speak.

You step out of the warm car and into the frosty air. Although Namjoon refused your help, you took one of his bags to carry in. He followed you into the house, the traces of worry lingering in his expression. You set the bag down in the living room, and you can feel the heat symptoms creeping up faster and faster. The moment Namjoon makes his way into the kitchen, you take the opportunity to dash to your room.

You can't muster up a proper excuse for leaving, so you try to creep to your room as noiselessly as possible. You flick on the light and lock the door behind you. A wave of nausea hits you, followed by a stomach cramp.

Your rush to the suppressants, digging them from their hiding place. You open the bottle with shaky hands, trying to stop your heat before it could stop you. You pour out the maximum recommended amount into your palm.

Glancing around your room, you realize you forgot to get water. You would have to go and face Namjoon so you could get some. You bring your hand to your lips, ready to try and take them down dry. You double over in pain with a wince as another cramp rolls over you. There would be no disguising it now. It was too late.

Another spasm, and this time you drop to your knees with a groan, your lower half was becoming more and more drenched by the second. You gave up on latching onto the pills, dropping them and bringing your hands around your body. A noise caught your attention, and your eyes shot to the door. Footsteps.

Namjoon's muffled voice came from behind the door.

"Y/n, I brought you hot choc—"

For a moment, you think your heart is going to stop beating altogether. Namjoon is right outside of your door, and there was no way he didn't know. Fuck. That's what you were, fucked. You've just ruined his fucking day.

You inhaled deeply, trying to calm yourself down, but it backfired. The entire house smelt like Alpha. Your pulse skyrocketed once more. You expect him to say something or maybe ask you something, but he doesn't. You haven't heard the footsteps leave, so you knew Namjoon was still outside of your door. He was probably processing his next action or trying to piece together what had happened today.

You can't bite back the whimper that escapes you, and apparently, it makes Namjoon spring to life.  

"Y/n, baby. I need you to let me in. I know what's going on."

Namjoon's voice sounded rougher than usual. The pet name combined with the deep voice lit a fire in your loins. You felt your face heat up in embarrassment, no doubt Namjoon could smell that too. It was humiliating for something as minuscule as a pet name to set you off like that. You clear your throat before you speak, trying to keep your voice steady.

"I'm fine, Namjoon," you answer.

"You waited too long to take your suppressants, didn't you?" he demands. You gulped nervously, guilt clouding your mind. Namjoon continues, "I'll take your silence as a yes. I assume you know how risky it is to take suppressants in the first place. Thousands of Omegas die a year because of suppressants."  

You don't reply, tears building up in the corner of your eyes. You hear Namjoon sigh and something clinks on the ground outside of the door. Presumably, its the hot chocolate he was bringing to you.

"I also assume you know it's even riskier when you take them and then forget to continue with them. The pain relief fades almost an hour before you should use them again, so I assume you're in even more pain than normal. Most Omegas start hurting so badly they can't even move soon after that, occasionally resulting in death."

The words make your chest ache. You put the pieces together, and it makes sense then. They get trapped in their rooms, and can't get help. Fuck. How long do they lay in pain? Laying there, with the knowledge that you could possibly die... All because of some fucking pills.

You knew the risks. You fucking knew that you would be in pain if you forgot them. You knew that you could even die. Why the fuck weren't you thinking? You've ruined everything. The entire point was to not cause Namjoon trouble. In the end, you've caused him more trouble by mindlessly throwing the pills down the hatch.

The chances you would genuinely die from taking these are still incredibly low. You were keen on the idea of laying around in pain for a week, though.

"What can we do?" You croak out.

"I'm not trying to scare you, baby. I only want you to be aware. Before it gets too bad, I need you to unlock the door for me. I'm speaking from experience, Y/n. Those Omegas can't reach their phone a lot of the time to call for help. They get lucky if they have someone in the house with them to check on them," Namjoon states.

You know he's right, you can feel it. "What do we do after that?" You grit out, trying to push yourself up and stand.

"It depends," he mumbles. "Well, at this point, you definitely shouldn't take more. When it's too late, it's too late. You go to the hospital, and they find you an Alpha. If it's somewhat under control, then they'll work to get your fever down and will let you naturally deal with the pain."

Your eyes widen, and you freeze. Find an Alpha? No—

"Y/n?" Namjoon calls. "You okay?"

"I can't," you whine, not making a move. Your heart was racing. You couldn't do it. You weren't about to be touched by a stranger, especially not one that's an Alpha.

"What? Y/n, open the door," Namjoon orders.

You try to ignore the internal tug that wants you to stand and go to the door. An Alpha could get rid of the pain, but you... couldn't. You would just have to deal with the pain. There wasn't a chance in hell you were letting a stranger touch you... Just... You couldn't. No.

Namjoon growls from behind the door, and you can hear him getting more and more frustrated by the second. You feel something wet drip down your face, so you reach up to touch your face.

When had you started crying?

"Y/n, you will open this door. Now."

This time, it's a command.

You had never heard Namjoon use his Alpha voice until now. The effect is instant and you're scrambling to get over to the door. You quickly find that you cannot stand. You physically couldn't, your legs were like jello...

So, you crawled.

You would have been humiliated any other day.

As much pain as you were in right now though, you didn't care. You crept to the door and reached up to unlock it for him. As soon as he heard the lock click, he was squeezing through the barely open door, trying not to hit you with it.

He sank down to your level, and you cast your eyes down to his shoes. He hooked his arms underneath your own and began lifting you from the ground.

You shuddered in his arms, a jolt of arousal rushing through you. Your face flushed, but Namjoon didn't seem to pay any attention to it. He understood it was just your natural reflexes. The pain was already melting away, just from the slightest touch. "I don't want to go to the hospital, Joon," you whimper. He moves you from the floor to your bed. You try not to pout as Namjoon unhooks his arms from under yours and steps away from you.

"You have to, Y/n. I don't want this for you," he replies, searching around your room for your shoes.

Before you genuinely can think about it, the words come out of your mouth.

"Please, help me," you blurt out.

He halts. He has halfway turned away from you but can see his face tinted red. You instantly feel regret and shame. The last thing you had ever wanted was to come off as a desperate omega, yet here you were. The tears picked back up, and you used your sleeve to wipe them away. The reason you were crying was sorely obvious. A sliver of your heart hoped that he thought it was due to the pain. You totally weren't crying because of the rejection.

He didn't have to say anything, his face said it all. He was just as surprised as you to hear those words leave your lips. He had no interest in you, you knew it.

"Sorry, ignore me," you spit out. Namjoon's expression twists into surprise as he faces you, and you avert your eyes away from his form.

"Y/n, no— I—"

You cut Namjoon off, "I didn't, I don't... Just forget it, please? For my sake, forget I said that. Take me to the hospital, please."

"Let me speak," he snarls, startlingly hostile.

You can imagine Namjoon's head is running wild with emotions. Guilt, worry, and now here you were spouting shit to make him flustered. It seems as if he's expecting you to interrupt him again, or he's trying to gather his thoughts. Either way, you stay quiet.

When he's sure you're going to let him explain, he begins.

"Don't get me wrong, I was just surprised. I'm perfectly happy with helping you. Well... I am when you begin thinking with your upstairs brain, I don't want you to have regrets. That's the only reason why I would rather take you to the hospital before it gets too bad."

"I developed a massive crush on you about the fourth month of living with you," you scoff. The pain is rattling you, but you try to focus on the task at hand.

The hesitation on Namjoon's face is still there. Were you really going to have to convince him that you loved him?

"You're fucking with me right now, right? Is it not evident just how in love I am with you? Namjoon, I would fucking let you obliterate me in every way and I would be okay with it."

You almost don't recognize your voice. You sound so... broken. You feel so vulnerable and out in the open. You've built up all of these walls, only to let Namjoon break them. You had initially tried to hide those feelings, but you were certain that Namjoon could see through you.

Was this his way of rejecting you? Was he trying to let you down easy? You would rather him just outright reject you. He's accusing this of being from your heat, but the emotions that you're feeling have been bubbling up for so long...  The aches and hurt from your heat paled in comparison to what your heart was feeling.

"Namjoon... Take a moment, think about it. My heat brought on the outburst, yes... This is something that goes further and deeper than lust." .

You shake your head, realizing that there was no point in saying anything else. All of those moments you thought the feelings were mutual? Nope. That was nothing, and the little insecure voice in the back of your head was right. You were sure Namjoon accusing those feelings of being lust was just a cover up for him not wanting to reject you. But...

You couldn't shake it. 

You knew the line between infatuation and love, and it wasn't as thin as everyone thought. You could write down every single little flaw of Namjoon.  You could write down all the little personality traits of his that didn't match yours. You could make a long list of all the shit that Namjoon has done to piss you off... Despite all of that, you still wanted to be with him with your soul, mind, and heart. The pros always outweighed the cons when it came to Namjoon.

Of course, you found Namjoon attractive. That wasn't what you craved, though. Your favorite memories all involved Namjoon... Even if you were just doing things as simple as the laundry, if Namjoon was there it was the highlight of your day.

"I love you," Namjoon blurts, eyes wide. You glance up at him through blurry vision and tilt your head to the side. You wipe the tears away just in time to see Namjoon inhale deeply. He shuts his eyes for a moment to calm himself. When he opens them again, there is a determination in his eyes that you don't understand. He was just rejecting you, but now he feels so guilty that he is saying he loves you when he clearly doesn't?

"I can't imagine living my life without you. I don't know when this feeling came over me, and I've shoved it away for far too long... For the longest time, I felt as if a piece of me was missing. That hole has been filled, but I've only recently realized it was you who filled it."

The corner of Namjoon's mouth quirks upwards ever so slightly.

"Hoseok said I was head over heels for you, but I thought he was joking. I guess it's been clear to everyone... We have so much to talk about, and I have so much more to say, but... I don't know how much time we have left."

Namjoon pauses, and it's apparent that he doesn't know what to do next.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

You can't bring yourself to even whisper right now, so you nod instead. Your mind is racing, and you're trying to focus so you can work through all of this. Your body has other plans. At the mention of even being touched, a warmth spreads throughout you.

The determination in his eyes seems to shift into another emotion. They seem to glaze over, and cloud.

Specks of red began to appear in his eyes. Your eyebrows raise in shock as Namjoon's eyes bloom into a beautiful crimson. You were finally getting to see the part of Namjoon that he hid away so well. Namjoon approaches you, and it's as if he's a different person. There's a more smooth, and fluid way about his movements. There's an entirely different aura too.

Without thinking, you clambered your way to the head of the bed. Namjoon followed suit, making his way up to you. The ache of your heat begins to withdraw it's tendrils from you, vanishing slowly. There was desire pooling between your legs still, but the other effects from the heat were gone. It was as if your body knew what was about to happen, so it was prepping itself for him.

Then, Namjoon is directly in front of you.

On instinct, you bare your neck for him. You let your eyes drift closed, feeling Namjoon's hot breath against your neck. He brushes his lips gently across your skin, making your head swim. Namjoon doesn't mark you, just presses a soft kiss into the side of your neck. His strong hands tug and pull at your clothing until you are left bare against the sheets.

Namjoon strips down without your help, eager to get started.

He shuffles down the bed and parts your knees so that he can position himself between them. You want to close your knees and shy away from his gaze. Namjoon doesn't let you, instead, he makes a point to part them wider. He gazed up at you, and you were certain he understood the thoughts running through your mind.

He dips his head down and places a kiss on your inner thigh. "Perfect," he mumbles, pressing another peck onto your skin.

"You... don't have to... Oh, fu—!"

Namjoon doesn't let you have the chance to speak. He's already licking a strip along your center before you can get out the rest of your sentence. His plush lips parted and wrapped around your clit. Your sensitivity is through the roof, and just the smallest actions have you withering in pleasure. He locks one of your legs down by throwing his arm over your thigh. He shifts his weight down so your leg is motionless, and uses his free arm to move your other leg further up.

This way he has more room, and is able to keep you from flailing. You can't help but cry out when Namjoon's index finger slips inside of you. Your reaction apparently pleases him, because he hums around your clit. The vibration sends pleasure shooting up your spine, and you find your fingers wrapping themselves into his soft locks.

Another digit is added and it slides in easily. He works the fingers inside of you quickly, plunging in and out, searching for that one spot... It's when he curls his fingers upwards that he meets it, and a moan tears from your lips.

"Look at me, baby," Namjoon requests, voice hoarse with lust. You unclench your eyes just in time to see Namjoon move back to your core. He takes the sensitive bud into his mouth once more, swirling around it with his tongue. Namjoon holds your gaze, eyes still flooding in crimson.

Your abdomen is clenching and the warmth inside is ready to spill over at any moment.

"Joon, Joon— please—!" you whimper. Namjoon's teeth ever so slightly graze over your clit, and the sensation is enough to send your hurling towards your climax. He abuses the spot inside of you, letting you ride it out. Your limbs are trembling, but he still has your hips held down. He only eases off of you when you try to pull away from him, the sensations becoming too much for you to bare.

Namjoon plants a gentle kiss on your thigh, before moving up. He trails the kisses all the way up until he is met with your neck. Namjoon takes his time at your neck, making sure to leave a blooming mark there.

A few beats pass, and you're finally calmed down enough to speak.

...

.....

"So, Joon, are you secretly a wild lover or are you just being gentle with me?" you grin.

He cocks an eyebrow upwards, "Well, firstly, we weren’t done here. Secondly, you want wild? I'll show you wild—"

end notes: hello hi ty for reading this. im sorry this was really bad:’) i’m extremely stressed and this started off strong, but then i forgot the entire fucking point and said... weLl. lEt’s JuSt Write SmUt... but then i didn’t even finish the smUT JDLSKF its 4am gbYe

[daminiqs]

𝐡𝐬𝐡𝐪𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐤𝟎𝟏𝟏 -- 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲

ｔｈｅ ｎａｒａｙａｎｓ ｏｆ ｗｅｓｔ ｂｅｎｇａｌ

                           𝑎 𝑐𝑢𝑝 𝑜𝑓 𝑡𝑒𝑎 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑛 𝑒𝑥𝑐𝑢𝑠𝑒                            𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑡𝘩𝑜𝑢𝑔𝘩𝑡𝑠                            𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑠

the koch dynasty ruled over the region that would become modern bihar, assam & west bengal; the narayan line remains unbroken since the early sixteenth century though they did not always rule. after india’s independence from the british raj, bhaskor narayan successful petitioned to have their royal estates returned. he became the duke of west bengal with his younger brother, swapnil, at his right hand as the viceroy. their pride in their bengali culture and heritage made them popular with their people. the next generation is not quite as well liked -- all were educated abroad at one point or another, and the western influences can seem egregious at times. still, the narayans always make a strong showing at events with the other indian royals; their ties to bangladesh through trade and marriage are valuable, as are their investments in the tea industry.

                          𝑘𝑢𝑐𝘩 𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑖 𝑠𝘩𝑎𝑖 𝘩𝑜 𝑗𝑎𝑎𝑦𝑒?

ʰʳᶤᵈʸᵃᶰˢʰᵘ ᶰᵃʳᵃʸᵃᶰ˒ ⁶⁵ ⁽ ˢᵃᵇʸᵃˢᵃᶜʰᶤ ᶜʰᵃᵏʳᵃᵇᵒʳᵗʸ ⁾

hridyanshu shares a grandfather with bhaskor & swapnil. his father was the youngest of three sons and uninterested in any political aspirations; he bought a tea farm instead. as the only son ( after three daughters ) hridyanshu was expected to take over the business -- but he wanted to become a photographer. an unexpectedly swift marriage shifted his responsibilities. despite the ill-timing, the scandalous wedding did bring hridyanshu’s father the heir to his darjeeling tea trade back.

ʳᵉᵇᵃᵗᶤ ᶰᵃʳᵃʸᵃᶰ ᶰᵉ́ᵉ ᵈᵘᵗᵗᵃ˒ ⁶⁷ ⁽ ᵐᵃᵐᵃᵗᵃ ˢʰ��ᶰᵏᵃʳ ⁾

rebati dutta was a rising star in indian classical dance. there was a rumor that the first time she’d performed at the russian consulate in kolkata, three different generals proposed to her. but her eyes had been drawn to the photographer in the front row. it was a whirlwind affair, seemingly ending dutta’s career. rebati narayan would eventually return to the dance stage as a choreographer and director of her own dance academy. both meenakshi and damini were trained in odissi style of dance. 

ᵐᵉᵉᶰᵃᵏˢʰᶤ ᶰᵃʳᵃʸᵃᶰ ⁴² ⁽ ᵖᵃᵒˡᶤ ᵈᵃᵐ ⁾

meenakshi is the apple of her father’s eye, her mother’s baby and damini’s darling. she studied history at the university of kolkota before going to the us to complete her master’s. it was there she’d meet a charming med student who’d lure her away from fields of tea leaves to palm tree lined pavements ( though she kept her maiden name ). currently, meenakshi is a professor in the south asian studies department at ucla. after years of unsuccessful pregnancy attempts, she and her husband have started discussing the possibility of adoption.

ᵖʳᶤᵗʰᵘᵛᶤ ʳᵃᵒ˒ ⁴⁵ ⁽ ˢᵉᶰᵈʰᶤˡ ʳᵃᵐᵃᵐᵘʳᵗʰʸ ⁾

prithuvi’s parents immigrated to the united states in the early 1970s; they opened their own restaurant with money inherited from prithuvi’s grandfather that became reasonably successful over the years. his grandfather funded his education as well -- he met ( and promptly fell for ) beautiful and well-spoken meenakshi while studying at harvard. but it was damini he had to convince of his affections before their marriage could take place.

ᵏᵒᵘˢʰᶤᵏ ᶰᵃʳᵃʸᵃᶰ˒ ⁵¹ ⁽ ʳᵃʰᵘˡ ᵇᵒˢᵉ ⁾

bhaskor’s son and the current duke of west bengal, koushik is an effective leader only because he’s a really good follower. he was careful to fill his cabinet with decades of expertise ( including damini before her marriage ) for his particular strategy of political play: listen to the brightest minds because a) they were probably right and b) if they weren’t, they took the fall. luckily, none have failed him yet. he wears his duties seemingly effortlessly, but he’d also be the first to credit his wife for her support in his work and her tireless efforts as mother to their son and daughter ( uncast bc im lazy ).

ᵏᵒᵐᵃˡ ᶜʰᵒʷᵈʰᵘʳʸ ᶰᵃʳᵃʸᵃᶰ˒ ⁴³ ⁽ ᵏᵒᶰᵏᵒᶰᵃ ˢᵉᶰ ˢʰᵃʳᵐᵃ ⁾

the bangladeshi socialite turned duchess-consort handled everything gracefully. her nature was sweet and amenable; she was a rather perfect match politically and in temperament when introduced to koushik. the two didn’t live together until a few years after their marriage so komal could have time to complete her mba. she serves on the boards of several non-profits, most focused on increasing access to education in rural areas with a specific interest in girls’ education.

ᵃᵃʳᵘˡ ᶰᵃʳᵃʸᵃᶰ˒ ⁵³ ⁽ ʳᵒᶰᶤᵗ ʳᵒʸ ⁾

though older than koushik, as the son of the younger narayan brother, swapnil, aarul always knew he would only ever be meant for viceroy. and he was genuinely pleased with this knowledge -- all of the connections and influence with half the effort and responsibility. after serving in the indian air force, aarul returned to west bengal upon his father’s retirement. though he never married, he’s had several girlfriends throughout the years.

ˢʰᵃᵍᵘᶰ ʳᵒʸ˒ ³⁴ ⁽ ˢᵃʸᵃᶰᶤ ᵍᵘᵖᵗᵃ ⁾

aarul’s latest girlfriend, though the first to have made it to “live in.” there’s nothing wrong with her by any means: shagun is a whip-smart, modern bengali delhiite. as a journalist she’s already one of the more intelligent partners aarul’s has introduced. but still, none of the narayans are comfortable with the age difference OR their live in status and thus, tend to treat her coldly. 

ᶠᵃʳʰᵃᶰ ᵠᵘᵗᵇ ˢʰᵃʰ˒ ³⁸ ⁽ ʳᵃʰᵘˡ ᵏʰᵃᶰᶰᵃ ⁾

farhan fell in love with damini over tutoring sessions in secondary school. it seemed like fate when they both ended up in delhi within 10 km of each other; she was studying economics at delhi university while he completed his engineering degree from iit delhi. they’d meet for chai, then eventually films until finally in her second year he brought her flowers outside her hostel. he’d been ready to wait for her for the rest of his life, but damini knows now she made him wait too long. (on a less sad note: reasons why damini married farhan << this link is nsfw [implied nudity] )

ᵐᶤʰᶤʳ ᵠᵘᵗᵇ ˢʰᵃʰ˒ ¹³ ⁽ ᵛᶤʳᵉᶰ ᵛᵃᶻᶤᵈᵃᶰᶤ ⁾

( okay i know the actor is a totalreach age wise but also....pics like this exist so u can’t make me cast anyone else ) mihir doesn’t remember much of his father -- he was only four when farhan passed. damini adores him, but struggles with motherhood without her partner. her parents would have preferred to raise mihir with them, but his position as the heir to the hyderabad duchy made it complicated. damini ended up sending him to boarding school when he was eight; he doesn’t understand why she can call him every day, show up for every cricket match but somehow can’t keep him with her.

[peachyteabuck]

eating a heart in a marketplace

summary: "[C]ommunion doesn’t need to be holy. Or even decent." -  THOMAS C. FOSTER 

After one of Tony’s men injures one of yours, he must present a peace offering in order to keep his black market distributor business afloat. 

Good news: you accept the gift. 

Bad news: the gift is Thor.

pairing: Thor Odinson x Reader

words: 5,863

trigger warnings: dubcon ig, humiliation, heavy d/s dynamics, mentions of canon-level violence, use of gags, collars, basically kidnapping, dehumanization (sexual and nonsexual)

notes/other: this fic is entirely self-indulgent and i am anticipating sequels bc i .... love it.  enjoy!

sk box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

The obnoxiously long, dark oak table lays mostly bare, the only places set are the ones at each end of the exquisitely made piece of furniture.

The pink, sheer robe you’re wearing does nothing to hide the matching baby pink lace lingerie, just as the equally feminine heels donned with a strip of pink puff across the base of the toes would do nothing to protect your perfectly manicured feet from the harm of the eerie storm raging outside. Still, the garments and accessories are not meant to be something that cover you up, keep you warm, help you run from danger; they’re tools, tools you’ll hopefully use to get your way as the final meal of the evening approaches.

The entire event is set up just the way you want, with your makeup setting just as expected; the pig roasted to perfection, the pasta firm to the touch, the carrots and broccoli steamed until palatable, the champagne chilled. Most important, though, was the arrival of your guest. At exactly 6:05, your head butler comes in to notify you of the car pulling in front of your expansive home. With the wave of your hand she’s instructed to let the man come in, allow your rival to step into the palace you’d constructed for yourself when you’d risen to the top of your organization.

Well, maybe “rival” is the wrong word. “Rival” implies an active dislike or struggle, when in reality you two operate in separate spheres of influence.

“Companion,” though, seems too friendly.

As the distinct sounds of footsteps filter through the grand hall and into your study, the man you’ve decided to call “fellow leader” steps into sight. His fine pressed suit, dry as the Sahara desert, smiles as you come into his view.

“Ah, my favorite mob woman.” His eyes seems more sinister than you expected. You attribute it more to the dark tones of the evening rather than actual malice.

“Stark,” you say with a curt nod. You go up to exchange a kiss on each cheek, heart racing with the anticipation of what’s to come, excitement increasing with each step. “Come, we have a wonderful meal prepared for you.”

Anthony doesn’t protest, simply accepts a glass of Scotch a maid hands to him and follows you into the dining room. He chuckles a bit at the display you’ve put on, but doesn’t say anything outright. You two have enough respect for the other not deny their counterpart the joy of a dramatic display. He simply sits, the pig placed in the middle of the table large enough to be an obvious sign of wealth but not too big as to deny the two of you eye contact.

Small talk is exchanged as the meal is served, biscuits placed, and pork cut into thick slabs. Vegetables placed delicately on plates and napkins placed on laps. You ask how Pepper is doing, he asks if the dress you had handmade from some extravagant designer turned out how you wanted. Half your plates are clear before either of you truly start to converse.

You’re the first to break the silence as Anthony begins on his mashed potatoes. “I appreciate your understanding of the deal. I’m not a fan of bloodshed, and the demonstration at the club that night are something I wish to forgive and forget as soon as possible.”

Anthony nods, speaking around a bite of the creamy starch. “I agree. Odinson’s actions were inappropriate, wildly and unpredictably so. In truth, I’ve thought he was a liability since he joined, but I never thought he’d lash out like that.”

As you slice through a particularly thick cut of meat, your fork slips and scraps against the china. Both of your winkles your noses at the grating sound.

“Yes,” You pause to chew. “cutting off Barnes’ arm during a bar fight does seem a little…” The bite of biscuit you had gotten was just perfect, the equal amount of butter and brown sugary, apple flavor from the pork together. God, you really do love a good meal. “Rash.”

Your guest hums in agreement. He then clears his throat, preparing to talk. “To symbolize my apologies, I have brought you the gift we spoke of earlier,” he pauses, raising his left hand just above his elbow and bending his first two fingers forward. You sit up, intrigued.

As the large French doors behind him open, from the dark depths of your hallway comes the man who scarred your oldest friend for life, cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills, and has put your best hitman out of commission. He’s tall, fills the doorway like a key in a lock. His scruff thick and dark, bags under his eyes from lack of sleep.

Something deep in you stirs, and squeezing your thighs together does nothing to stop it.

Thor Odinson is clad in a suit, as most of Stark’s enforcers are. Though, the handcuffs keeping his hands behind his back are new.

“Interesting addition,” you note, staring at his straining arms in the expensive fabric.

Anthony doesn’t give any indication that he hears, let alone cares, about your sarcastic comment. “I’m assuming this” he gestures to the man. “Will put me back in good spirits with you and the rest of your crew?”

Odinson walks to your side, head hung in shame and hair tied in a tight bun as his former employer speaks. He knows what he’s in for now, has been told in so many words he is now something less of a person – and it’s obvious this has put him to shame.

You consider it – think about letting all that happened go with a simple olive branch. Before you can do that, though, you must make sure that the merchandise lives up to the promises on the box.

“Down,” you command. Immediately, he drops to his knees. You smirk, dragging your baby pink nails down his stubbled jaw.

“Oh, yes. This will do just fine, Stark. Just…fine.” The last two words are long, almost forgetting to finish them as your mind travels to all the things you could do with him.

Anthony smirks. “Perfect. I’m assuming business with resume as usual?”

Your fingers stroke at the sides of Thor’s face and trace around the shell of his ear. “Of course. I’ll call the appropriate people later. Everything should be up and running by midnight.”

Suddenly Anthony tenses, his fingers moving to fidget with his tie. “If I may-”

“You may,” you tell him, not meeting his eyes.

Anthony audibly gulps, fidgeting in his seat and with his tie. “That’s quite late, that’s hundreds of millions of dollars that we’ll miss out on if we-”

You hold up your hand flat while your gaze remains locked on your new toy. “That’s the earliest I can assure you. Whether or not it happens before that is,” you stop to try and feed Thor a small bite of carrot from your hand. He hesitates but accepts after a few moments, plucking the orange vegetable with beautiful teeth and a gentle bite. He doesn’t make eye contact like you originally wanted, but this is a good start.  “Not guaranteed.”

Anthony knows that you’re stubborn, much too stubborn to be moved away from your current stance. He’s done all that he can do to sway you, and now whatever income he hopes to make between now and the end of the day depends on Thor.

In short, Anthony Stark Junior (and his bank account) are royally, utterly fucked.

As he leaves your home he can hear you call to your head servant to tell Customs and Border Patrol to let his packages in (an assured start to him not losing a fortune), but he still wrings his hands as he slides into the backseat of his solid black Escalade. As the partition opens to reveal the man at the wheel, the thought of angry text messages from smugglers trying to get their goods into the States flash in front of Stark’s bloodshot eyes.

His driver, Happy, notices the fellow man’s anxiety as he looks at his boss through the rearview mirror.

“You think Odinson is gonna be okay, boss?” He asks, sort-of worried but mostly focused on filling the deafening silence in the expensive car. Money can buy a lot of things, but it can’t fill the awkward spaces in conversation that always come post-transaction.

Tony just laughs, typing something into his watch. “Of course not. That woman is going to chew him up and spit him out by the end of the fiscal year.”

Happy chews at his bottom lip. That’s two weeks from now. “You really think it’s gonna be that quick?”

“Probably,” Tony shrugs. “She’s never been known for mercy.”

The other man nods, quiet as he makes his way to the Stark residence. The quiet, cold night air strikes the mobster as he steps out of the car; the sharp grass smells fills his sense and bloodstream, calming him as he steps into his home. Pepper’s at the counter, stirring something in a pot. She doesn’t turn around when she hears his footsteps, but knows he’s somber nonetheless.

“Hard day at the office?” She asks, giving him a small taste of the homemade alfredo sauce.

Tony snorts, moving to lick at the wooden spoon. “Oh yeah,” he mumbles, wrapping his arms around her waist. She’s in one of his t-shirts and sleep shorts, the soft material comforting him. “You could say that.”

You only make good decisions when you’re in a good mood, and right now said mood depends on Thor Odinson - a man so insecure he once got himself tortured just because his captors told him he couldn’t take it. The man is a stubborn, uncontrollable mess with an anger issue to rival that of Lyssa, or a lighting on a field of dried grass.

He was feared within the Nest and by the lower Excidium members, but he didn’t make palms sweat and hands shake and hearts beat faster quite like you do.

No one fucks with you because you’ve very appropriately placed yourself on a pedestal based on madness, control, and desire for power. Thor’s just feared because he’s a dumbass with a short fuse. It’s the difference between a forest fire and a crazy, drunken uncle holding a lighter; one you can try and prevent, coax it into submission and run away if necessary. The other? More unstable than Francium.

(At least you know that thing’s only going to last twenty-two minutes, though. At least it’s predictable in its instability.)

Back inside, you’re more than ecstatic to have a new plaything. You were fully prepared to let the kid’s behavior slide, especially since the Nest brings in a hefty amount of revenue. But if Tony wants to give up a weak link, you’ll gratefully treasure the broken piece of steel you picked up from the gravel.

Thor stays like that, on his knees and eating out of your hand, for so long his legs fall asleep. You spend the rest of the night chatting at nobody, talk to him like he’s an old, deaf cat who just remains in your favor because he’s soft to pet and is cute. You sign some deals, check the language of some proposed treaties, write your to-do list for the next day all at the dinner table. Thor only dares to look at you when you’re too busy conversing with maids or chastising someone who works under you or any time your head is turned enough that he can make out the scar that runs from behind your left ear to the back of your neck.  

Your form, the way you speak, he’s obsessed with his chance finally take it all in.

He hasn’t seen you in person before, just heard rumors and conspiracy theories and whatever else people spend their time making up about you. Thor always passed it off as fiction, simply inflating the higher-ups to pass the time. Everything about you, though, seems exceptionally true. Maybe even underestimations. It’s true you walk around your house in matching lingerie sets, possibly a robe if it’s breezy. The East Coast heat can be unexpectedly warm, but as the sun sets on the July day he can see goosebumps rise across your soft skin and the shivers that sometimes shake your spine. Your house fits all the descriptions he’s heard, too. The decor seems almost welcoming, faded oranges and pastel pinks and dull whites and baby blues and mustard yellows. Plush, velvet furniture the same deep magenta, mirrors trimmed in what Thor can assume is real gold.

It’s like a scene from Mean Chicks or whatever those 2000s teen movies are. If one of those movies took place in the home of an incredibly powerful mobster, it’d look like this.

“What do you think, pet?”

Oh shit. Thor was supposed to be listening, wasn’t he? When he looks up, Bucky Barnes (the man who called him a pussy and “Stark’s whore,” prompting him to grab one of the decorative - but still fully functional - swords from the wall of the bar they were in and just...slice away at his tormentor), Steve Rogers (who looks like the human version of a sugar cookie while specializing in torture) , and Sam Wilson (a sarcastic little shit who knows exactly how to get anything past the feds) are all staring down at him. Barnes’ left arm (stub? It’s mostly just stub now) is still bandaged, but he’s at least walking now. Thor was told he might die from blood loss, but no. Thor Odinson would never be that lucky.

“They never listen, do they?” You sigh, rolling your eyes as you shift to face them. None of the men sit, knowing they won’t be there long. Plus, they get a much better angle of Thor’s tortuous position while standing.

“You don’t think that deserves punishment?” Steve asks, a smile curling at the sides of his mouth that speaks volumes.

You shrug, not looking at him. “Later. Now I want you to donate fifty thousand to the Vermont special elections. I need that entry point into Canada or else there’s no way we can get out shipments into that garbage country in a timely manner. Also,” you turn to Sam, whose eyes are caught staring between Thor’s left upper ribs. “Call CBP. Stark held up his end of the deal, I have to hold up mine.”

All three of them huff, both at the large sum of cash you’re about to give to a twenty-something know-nothing frat guy who knows nothing about politics but everything about being open to bribes and about them not being able to watch the man they hate become the most embarrassed version of himself in front of the man he tried to kill and his two best friends.

Whatever. The trio’s time for revenge will come, you promised them that - promised Bucky when he was in the ICU that you would find the man that did this and would make them pay.

Bucky has never known you to break a promise.

When the three leave you and Thor, you raise your left arm high flick your wrist towards the large doors. Understanding the cue, your maids wordlessly close them to seclude you from whatever responsibilities you were intending on dealing with tonight. Whatever it is, was, can wait until tomorrow, can wait until you’ve begun Thor’s assimilation into your home.

There’s a moment of quiet, of stillness in the house before Thor hears the sounds of several pairs of footsteps – maybe four, he counts – that enter the large dining room with haste. He’s quickly escorted down a long hallway and up a winding set of stairs. Thor can’t see much as he’s rushed away, and the little he can make out is a baby blue wallpaper with gold patterns etched into it, and fine paintings that appear sporadically on the walls. Some are black and white with abstract patterns, others depictions of angels, a few featuring intricate designs that resemble the sky and sea.

It feels like a forever before Thor is slammed down onto the floor of your bedroom, his knees hitting the wood with a painful smack. Despite the earsplitting sound, he doesn’t wince, doesn’t even flinch as his hair is pulled back by one of the maids so he’s forced to look at you. As you gaze upon him he bares his teeth; you can see fire behind his eyes. What a cutie, you muse to yourself.

“Wrists,” you instruct. Another maid moves behind him with dusty pink rope, securing his wrists together behind his back. “Legs,” you tell them next. Thor is easily flipped onto his back, arched at an uncomfortable angle because of his arms. Just as quickly as before, his legs are tied so that his calves and the backs of his thighs meet. When he’s flipped back up, all he can see is you smiling devilishly. “I’ll do the rest myself ladies. Go ahead and take the night off, I want him all to myself.”

“Yes ma’am” they respond in unison, Thor unable to see their hurried steps but understanding that when he hears the door closing behind them, he’s completely and utterly alone.

For a moment you two just stare at each in silence, his nostrils flaring and chest rising from anger and adrenaline. He heaves as you calmly gaze upon him, pissing off your captive even more. All Thor can do is react while you stand there, stationary and speechless.

Within a few moments, he’s lashing out to break the painful quiet. “This fucking sucks,” he hisses through clenched teeth. “That Barnes fucking deserved that shit, you know? He’s a whiny bitch that gets into shit he doesn’t belong in. I bet he’s fucking compensating for something, ya know? He’s not even a big enough man to come at me himself, needs his master to do his bidding ‘n shit. Why the fuck am I ever here anyway, do you go through boytoys so fucking often you just steal them so that you don’t have to pa-“

You roll your eyes, shoving three fingers into his mouth. Thor looks more confused than anything else, but he does immediately stop talking. Good, exactly what you wanted.

You two stay like that, your jaw tightened with one eyebrow raised – daring him to defy you - and him looking up at you like a puppy who’s just pissed on the carpet in defiance. “Listen, you little brat. I used to babysit for twenty dollars an hour. I put myself through grad school twice on money from too-rich white-ass parents who couldn’t control their kids so they pawned them off to underpaid college kids. I got here because I worked for it, dealing with men much more powerful than you acting like children. If you think for a fucking second that I will tolerate this behavior in my house, under my roof, then you are wrong. Very wrong. Do you understand me?”

Thor’s eyes narrow, and though he doesn’t bite, he does press his teeth into the skin of your first knuckle. It’s enough to keep your attention entirely on him, eyes locked on his as you throw your phone onto the bed next to you. You know this game, and you know breaking first would mean he has some sort of holding over you. Unblinking, you stay silent as he swallows around your fingers.

The tension in the air is thick; it’s nothing you can’t handle, nothing you aren’t used to. Thor is the first one to surrender, looking down at your baby pink stilettos. “Good boy,” you huff, moving to open a drawer that conveniently sits just within arm’s reach. You withdraw you hand from his mouth but don’t move to wipe his spit from your fingers. Thor can’t see anything you’re doing, but does hear a smaller (and less used, judging by the squeaking noise it makes as you open it) drawer open, the sound of a little bell, and then the loud scraping of both drawers closing on top of each other and hitting the back of the structure that holds it.

“Head up,” you command. “Look at me.” Thor’s hesitant but ultimately obeys. His eyes widen as he sees the items in your hand. The first is a simple, black ball gag and the other a frilly, pink collar with a small bow and equally tiny bell at the front center. In the back, an adjustable metal clip.

The gag is slipped on first, the uncomfortably large sphere blocking any searing remarks from leaving his lips. As spit pools below his tongue and from the corners of his mouth, all he can do is growl low in his throat.

Despite your long, pointed nails you open the clasp of the collar with ease, flashing it close to your captive’s face like an owner showing a dog his new restraint. Thor may be your pet, and you may be his rightful owner, but the move isn’t one that builds trust. It’s one that makes his insides curl, because it’s a demonstration of how much power you have over him. Look at this thing, the gesture conveys. Do you understand now? You’re mine. Everyone will know that. Everyone will know what you did. This is your retribution.

“Are you gonna shut up now?” Thor doesn’t move, but he also doesn’t make any disgruntled noises. “Good. Now, let me make myself clear, since it appears you do not know the terms of Stark’s and my agreement; Stark settled to give me the man who permanently injured one of my best men in exchange for my forgiveness of the entire event. That means two things. First, Stark gets the money he needs from my business in order to remain powerful. Second, I get to do whatever I want to you. Understand?”

Thor’s eyebrows furrow. What do you want to do to him?

“For now, though, I am going to untie you and go to bed, because I am tired, and it has been an exhausting day. Got it?”

Thor nods.

“Good.”

He flinches as you kneel down to his level and begin to untie him from the complicated binds. Your fingers move with purpose, your nails occasionally scraping across his electrified skin. With his body uninhibited, he flexes his fingers as to examine the indents in his flesh.

“Don’t worry,” you tell him. “Those will go away by morning.”

Somehow, he doesn’t believe you.

He spends the night on the cold wooden floor, occasionally making a desperate attempt to fit himself on the tiny plush pink carpet that the dresser rests on. Thor doesn’t get much shut-eye, time either spent shivering or trying to plan for survival. He can’t escape, it’s been made very clear that both Excidium and the Nest will both be hunting him down if he so much as pisses where he’s not supposed to. It seems keeping his mouth shut, following orders, and taking whatever it is you want to put him through with whatever tiny amount of dignity he has left.

(As the night progresses, he realizes the last part will be the hardest).

When the world comes alive again, Thor remains mostly ignored. As the sun comes up and you awaken with your alarm, he barely gets so much as a brush of fabric as you pull off your white nightgown and slip into a pale-yellow sundress with a long, white cardigan. It’s much different than what you were wearing last night, but as you readjust the strap of your lacey white bra from its improper place on your shoulder, he guesses that was more show(wo)manship and a reiteration of hierarchies than an honest exchange between business partners.

As the first full day under your whim progresses, he’s left behind as you move to your office. You feel some time apart may be good for his insolence, even if his fierceness amuses you so.

You like a challenge, especially one you know you can win; a little tussle didn’t hurt anybody, has it?

You instruct one of the new recruits to buy you a dog bed – the largest one they can find – and you have it placed on the floor next to your bed so you can keep an easy eye on him throughout the day. Thor’s kept on a leash attached to the collar on his neck; the piece of leather is flimsy at best, but the man still refuses to break out of it for fear of punishment.  

There, on a large, baby pink pet meant for some Doberman or Pitbull or other bigass dog, he waits, ears perking up whenever someone, anyone steps into the room. But, while he craves human contact, the hushed voices of the maids that clean up the dirty clothes and make your bed make the hairs on the back of Thor’s neck stand in fear.

Natasha, lover, retribution.

Bucky, money, revenge.

Loki, trip, return.

He can’t tell which name fills him more with dread. Barnes is barely healed and full of rage at his injury, desperate for vengeance against the man that hurt him so. Natasha Romanoff is a woman that Thor has never truly met, only seen when Stark and you have business that requires some back up. Even so, the stories of her apathy and brutality need no introduction; once, she cut a dude’s dick off, made a wallet from the foreskin, and sent it to him while he was recovering in the hospital. She carries a switchblade in the inside of her bra. She only has red hair because the blood crusted onto it permanently stains the follicles.

And Loki…

Well, Loki and him have been estranged since they were both late teens. They’ve both had daddy issues since birth, and Loki’s so happened to manifest in a weird mix of picking up mercenary work, becoming a serial sugar baby, and wearing a lot of black. The last thing Thor would expect is for Loki to settle down for someone like you, a woman who requires loyalty of heart, mind, soul.

His thumping heart and terrifying internal monologue are interrupted by a maid, one he hadn’t yet seen, whose face scrunches up when she notices your absence from the room. She then sighs, and beckons two other maids – one pushing a cart filled with a small buffet of food, one carrying a cart with cutlery and dinnerware – through the threshold. The three of them stop at a bone-white desk, fretting about as they set up what Thor can only assume is a late lunch.

As you step into the bedroom – pushed through the doorway by the maid from before – Thor can tell you are less than happy.

You’re annoyed, to say the least. Can’t even tell why, really, can’t find an even barely comprehendible reason for you to be tearing through financial documents as if they were important family heirlooms that were on fire. No reason for you to snap at a recent recruit for misspelling the code name of a spy you had placed in the Nevada Supreme Court three courts back. Some madness bites at your skin as you nibble on small sandwiches and drink a large glass of cold sun tea, and Thor can tell it’s tearing you apart.

Thor can’t see much from the floor, but he can feel the electricity in the air as you scribble in a notebook that he guesses is where you plan all of your mob’s heinous activities. He wonders what your handwriting looks like, how you keep all the people you’re blackmailing straight, what kind of code you use. Stark keeps everything on paper as well, in a locked room inside of a secret room inside of his basement (well, maybe. Thor’s never been there, he’d never gotten high enough in the Nest to warrant being given access to such a space, but he’s heard the rumors).

It's about an hour later when the head butler from before, the one who led him, his (former) boss, and his (former) bosses men through your maze of a home, steps just into view of your tired eyes.

“Miss, you need a break,” she says simply.

You sigh, rubbing at the bridge of your nose and then your temples. Resting your head in one hand, you use the other to grant her permission to grab your paperwork. It’s only when she’s gather your things and left the room that you speak.

“She’s right,” you let out a small chuckle before sauntering over to the white dresser in the far corner of the room. “I do need a stress reliever.”

The man on your floor can’t see what you’re doing, his eyes only widening when you place the thickest, blackest dildo he’s ever seen into his view.

“Wh-“he starts to speak, trying but failing to push himself away from you. “What are you doing to do with that?”

You shrug, eyeing it up and down. “I don’t know. Could fuck myself with it…could fuck you with it…”

Thor’s stubbled face is beet red from embarrassment, even more so than when you made him kneel in the dining room or gagged him with your fingers.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you, you little slut,” you hiss. When he doesn’t look up at you, you grab his chin and force his head back. He doesn’t want to admit it, but it wouldn’t be fun if he just gave in the second you put the tiniest bit of pressure on his overly-tough facade. “Tell me you love sucking my cock.”

But all Thor does is open his mouth wide as it can go and pushes his flattened tongue as far out of his mouth as it’ll go. He’s got this glimmer in his eyes and a smirk on his lips that tells you Thor knows what he’s doing, he knows he’s pushing every button he can think to push.

You’ve danced this routine before, though this time Thor’s much more confident, willing to push further, push harder.

“You want to be a brat?” You ask, begging him to give you a smartass response. “Then take it like one.”

With swift movements of your right leg he’s pushed flat on the ground, his back hitting the hardwood with a low thud. “Flip over,” you tell him. With an unfortunate lack of protest, he does, toned stomach settling onto the floor barely warmed by his back.

You climb over him, leg on each side and core pressed into him as you gather his hair in your first. “You’re such a fucking tease,” you hiss through grit teeth. Thor makes a similar – but more pained noise – as you wretch his head back. “Such a little tease, begging me to put him in his fucking place. If you wanted me to fuck you like you deserve, you should fucking ask for it next time.”

Smack, the deep sound of your callous hand hitting the soft flesh of his ass almost makes him flinch more than the pain. Smacksmack, two more, quicker this time.

“I’ve met little fucking brats before, but never like you,” you pull the rest of his clothes off with minimal protest. “Gotta get you cock drunk before you’ll figure out how arrangement of ours works, don’t I?”

Thor, with his eyes scrunched shut and mouth lax, says nothing in return.

Your hand reaches under him, hips lifting to provide a small space between him and the floor. He’s already hard, aching, leaking, and he moans brokenly when you wrap your hand around him.      

It’s rough, hurts more than it pleasures, but it still feels so, so good all the same. Thor almost wants to say so, too, but can’t make himself push the words from his throat.

“So easy to get you all fucked out isn’t it?” You whisper low in his ear. “So easy to break brats like you, makes me wanna make you cum and then leave you here for the rest of the night…”

The subsequent whine from Thor makes you laugh and push him harder into the floor. “But I won’t do that, can’t leave little things like you all alone, would be like leaving a baby bunny to a bunch of wolves.”

Thor doesn’t disagree, doesn’t try to build his demolished ego back up.

“Doesn’t that feel good, sweetheart?” you purr, hand keeping a slow, torturous pace. “Doesn’t it feel good to be good?”

All Thor can do is squeak and push his face into the floor, trying to hide the deep redness in his cheeks.

For once, you don’t punish him. You want to, want to stop and make him beg for forgiveness for his nonanswer. Maybe tie him up and fuck him with your fingers until he’s ready for your biggest strap, pounding into him.

Oh, Babyboy, you’re being so good taking this whole cock inside of you, aren’t you? So good for your owner. I bet nobody’s ever fucked you this good.

Maybe you’ll tie him up, edge him until he’s sobbing. Wait until he’s just about to cum and pull a vibrator or your hand away – make him whine and tease him as his whole body twitches.

Are you not enjoying yourself, baby? Because it looks to me like you are. Look at those glassy eyes, do I need to slap you to make you pay attention?

Thor screams as he cums all over your floor, whole body tense then completely lax within the span of seconds. His breathing is loud enough to be heard across nations, each exhale laced with a small moan.

He cries, deep and low, when you climb off of him, tries to arch his spine into the nothingness that once held you.

“Shh,” you tell him. “Mommy’ll be back in a second.”

Thor seems to calm with that, heart still racing but head and body slumped.

When you come back, you hold a bit of salmon - small grains of buttery jasmine rice and cranberry sauce stuck to the pink meat. You’ve grasped it with three fingers – thumb, middle, point – and have it nearly pressed to Thor’s plush, pink lips. It’s still warm, dinner having  been served by the maids despite your absence from the dining room.

“C’mon baby,” you tell him. “You gotta eat sometime.”

Thor glares at you but knows you’re right – his already flat stomach howling in pain from lack of sustenance. Reluctantly, meekly, he pulls your fingers between his lips and swallows the soft food.

“Good boy,” you tell him. “See? Following directions isn’t that bad.”

Thor, for the first time in days, says nothing to the contrary.

 //