#page ashby

[pro-logue-epi-logue]

Spoiler alert***

It was her father's fault.

She was scared and screaming whyyyyyyy??

God winter's parents are awful too.

Poor damon was trying to save her he was also scared.

[billboard-hotties-tourney]

Okay, folks, the mini-tourney is inching closer to the finals, so I'm going to give a list of the competitors in the Miss Billboard Tourney in order to give everyone a chance to submit more propaganda. The nominees are:

Lale Andersen

Marian Anderson

Signe Toly Anderson

Julie Andrews

LaVerne Andrews

Maxene Andrews

Patty Andrews

Ann-Margret

Joan Armatrading

Dorothy Ashby

Joan Baez

Pearl Bailey

Belle Baker

Josephine Baker

LaVern Baker

Florence Ballard

Brigitte Bardot

Eileen Barton

Fontella Bass

Shirley Bassey

Maggie Bell

Lola Beltran

Ivy Benson

Gladys Bentley

Jane Birkin

Cilla Black

Ronee Blakley

Teresa Brewer

Anne Briggs

Ruth Brown

Joyce Bryant

Vashti Bunyan

Kate Bush

Montserrat Caballe

Maria Callas

Blanche Calloway

Wendy Carlos

Cathy Carr

Raffaella Carra

Diahann Carroll

Karen Carpenter

June Carter Cash

Charo

Cher

Meg Christian

Gigliola Cinquetti

Petula Clark

Merry Clayton

Patsy Cline

Rosemary Clooney

Natalie Cole

Judy Collins

Alice Coltrane

Betty Comden

Barbara Cook

Rita Coolidge

Gal Costa

Ida Cox

Karen Dalton

Marie-Louise Damien

Betty Davis

Jinx Dawson

Doris Day

Blossom Dearie

Kiki Dee

Lucienne Delyle

Sandy Denny

Jackie DeShannon

Gwen Dickey

Marlene Dietrich

Marie-France Dufour

Julie Driscoll

Yvonne Elliman

Cass Elliot

Maureen Evans

Agnetha Faeltskog

Marianne Faithfull

Mimi Farina

Max Feldman

Gracie Fields

Ella Fitzgerald

Roberta Flack

Lita Ford

Connie Francis

Aretha Franklin

France Gall

Judy Garland

Crystal Gayle

Gloria Gaynor

Bobbie Gentry

Astrud Gilberto

Donna Jean Godchaux

Lesley Gore

Eydie Gorme

Margo Guryan

Sheila Guyse

Nina Hagen

Francoise Hardy

Emmylou Harris

Debbie Harry

Annie Haslam

Billie Holiday

Mary Hopkin

Lena Horne

Helen Humes

Betty Hutton

Janis Ian

Mahalia Jackson

Wanda Jackson

Etta James

Joan Jett

Bessie Jones

Etta Jones

Gloria Jones

Grace Jones

Shirley Jones

Tamiko Jones

Janis Joplin

Barbara Keith

Carole King

Eartha Kitt

Chaka Khan

Hildegard Knef

Gladys Knight

Sonja Kristina

Patti Labelle

Cleo Laine

Nicolette Larson

Daliah Lavi

Vicky Leandros

Peggy Lee

Rita Lee

Alis Lesley

Barbara Lewis

Abbey Lincoln

Melba Liston

Julie London

Darlene Love

Lulu

Anni-Frid Lyngstad

Barbara Lynn

Loretta Lynn

Vera Lynn

Siw Malmkvist

Lata Mangeshkar

Linda McCartney

Kate McGarrigle

Christie McVie

Bette Midler

Jean Millington

June Millington

Liza Minnelli

Carmen Miranda

Joni Mitchell

Liz Mitchell

Marion Montgomery

Lee Morse

Nana Mouskouri

Anne Murray

Wenche Myhre

Holly Near

Olivia Newton-John

Stevie Nicks

Nico

Laura Nyro

Virginia O’Brien

Odetta

Yoko Ono

Shirley Owens

Patti Page

Dolly Parton

Freda Payne

Michelle Phillips

Edith Piaf

Ruth Pointer

Leontyne Price

Suzi Quatro

Gertrude Rainey

Bonnie Raitt

Carline Ray

Helen Reddy

Della Reese

Martha Reeves

June Richmond

Jeannie C. Riley

Minnie Riperton

Jean Ritchie

Chita Rivera

Clara Rockmore

Linda Ronstadt

Marianne Rosenberg

Diana Ross

Anna Russell

Melanie Safka

Buffy Sainte-Marie

Samantha Sang

Pattie Santos

Hazel Scott

Doreen Shaffer

Jackie Shane

Marlena Shaw

Sandie Shaw

Dinah Shore

Judee Sill

Carly Simon

Nina Simone

Nancy Sinatra

Siouxsie Sioux

Grace Slick

Bessie Smith

Mamie Smith

Patti Smith

Ethel Smyth

Mercedes Sosa

Ronnie Spector

Dusty Springfield

Mavis Staples

Candi Staton

Barbra Streisand

Poly Styrene

Maxine Sullivan

Donna Summer

Pat Suzuki

Norma Tanega

Tammi Terrell

Sister Rosetta Tharpe

Big Mama Thornton

Mary Travers

Moe Tucker

Tina Turner

Twiggy

Bonnie Tyler

Sylvia Tyson

Sarah Vaughan

Sylvie Vartan

Mariska Veres

Akiko Wada

Claire Waldoff

Jennifer Warnes

Dee Dee Warwick

Dionne Warwick

Dinah Washington

Ethel Waters

Elisabeth Welch

Kitty Wells

Mary Wells

Juliane Werding

Tina Weymouth

Cris Williamson

Ann Wilson

Mary Wilson

Nancy Wilson

Anna Mae Winburn

Syreeta Wright

Tammy Wynette

Nan Wynn

Those in italics have five or more pieces of usable visual, written, or audio propaganda already. If you have any visuals like photos or videos, or if you have something to say in words, submit it to this blog before round one begins on June 25th!

If you don't see a name you submitted here, it's because most or all of their career was as a child/they were too young for the cutoff, their career was almost entirely after 1979, or music was something they only dabbled in and are hardly known for. There are quite a few ladies on the list whose primary career wasn't "recording artist" or "live musician," but released several albums or were in musical theater, so they've been accepted.

[keptalivebymagic]

I finished A Tempest of Tea by Hafsah Faizal! I hated it! I'm heated about how bad it was!!

I'll start off by saying that I hope the people who loved it are all very, very young. Or very, very new to reading. In which case, I'm happy for you and I sincerely hope you continue reading and I hope you discover more books, at least some of which are well-written.

Also, I know this book is in the same universe as We Hunt the Flame and We Free the Stars, but I understood it to be separate from them. Still, it's clear there are bits in this that should have been explained further but aren't because (presumably) Hafsah Faizal has already gone over them in the previous duology. It doesn't take away from the fact that the magic system (and the existence of elves, to a lesser degree) are just tossed into this book with very little rationale, purpose, or consequence. Which is a giant goddamn waste. She could have just kept this as a vampire story and moved along.

More thoughts (with many spoilers):

What exactly have the Casimirs done to earn any kind of reputation on the streets? Arthie ruins the former business that occupied the Spindrift building but nobody is supposed to know who did that. Jin is said to have killed someone for Rose Ashby (off screen and in the past) (and why? For money? We never find out how Rose knew him nor what has happened to their relationship since). Jin shoots Matteo but since the latter is a vampire, we know it's more of a statement than physical harm. Jin then attacks the guy at the foundry to defend Flick, which is probably the only actual instance of violence he perpetrates. Arthie, meanwhile, mostly just threatens people. We don't get to see the two of them in a proper fight until page 274 of a 336-page book.

Arthie's "cleverness" is demonstrated to us a couple of times when she threatens to reveal someone's secrets to get her way. She does this with the government official who's secretly a vampire, and that guard at the door of the Athereum. But we don't ever see her learning those secrets, nor do we see Arthie ever doing anything else with those characters, so it just comes across as a convenient way for the author to overcome a plot barrier.

The description of spaces and physical orientation of characters is so clunky. I had to re-read multiple key passages because I'd get a paragraph along and be like, "what? When did we get here? Who's that?" And the thing is, I wasn't missing bits. The prose is. This happened during the house fire in Jin's past, during Jin and Flick's break-in at the home of the vampire sisters, during Arthie and Laith's visit to the government official and the subsequent escape through the abandoned warehouse next door, and I'm sure other times I don't recall.

The overuse of "specs"; baffling, given that it's never "spectacles" but others do call them "glasses" (which might actually be an anachronism but I haven't checked).

Speaking of anachronism, Jin is said to be wearing a surgical mask at one point (at the foundry). My ghast is flabbered. There is absolutely no reason for him to be wearing a surgical mask of all things. The concept of surgical masks wasn't even a thing until 1897 and it wasn't common for another decade-plus after that. Even then, they certainly didn't have "black bands" to go over the ears like the one Jin wears; they were metal frames with a gauze bandage hanging from them. I hate so much that Faizal has tossed in this anachronism for absolutely zero reason and with zero logic internal to her own goddamn story. We never see him in a mask again, nor is it mentioned that he wears them at all.

"It's teatime, scoundrels." 🥴 Is this meant to be a catchphrase for the inevitable Netflix adaptation?

Ah, the lights. There's always lights off in the distance and they're always a metaphor. The lights are abandoned souls. No, they're abandoned wishes. No, they're abandoned souls.

Laith and Matteo are the same goddamn character. Super flirty, sexy guy with a mysterious interest in Arthie, times TWO?? Please. They also both call Arthie a "kindred spirit" and Arthie even internally acknowledges the repetition but it's not a plot device or anything! It's just an offhanded remark.

None of the characters ever have questions about the unexpected stuff that happens. Why do guards show up and catch Laith (and Arthie)? Did Matteo alert them? Why was nobody mad about that betrayal?

Why was there build-up about how scary and powerful Penn was only for him to be a nice vampire papa who, for some reason, believes in justice and has faith in the flawed system? It's so anti-climactic that they go to all this trouble to break into his office only for there to be zero consequences when they're caught, and furthermore zero personal consequences for Arthie who is revealed to have had a history with him. And then he dies anyway, and we're supposed to feel bad about it.

[burningvelvet]

I completed Anne Brontë's Agnes Grey in one day yesterday. I'm in a book hangover, but here are my initial thoughts on the novel, as well as on Anne:

- Anne is an underrated Queen, but I already knew that from The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, her second novel. If only she hadn't died at 29! Agnes Grey was her first foray into novel publishing, and proves how much she developed her talents in the interim between itself and Tenant, which most people would agree is much better.

Yet, for a debut novel, Grey is nevertheless impressive. Her acute observations and descriptions of social experiences are some of the most clear I've ever read, and she was as adept in her satire as Jane Austen. After reading both her novels, Emily's only, and more than one of Charlotte's (Jane, and currently 1/4 through Villette) I can say she's certainly the most moral and progressive Brontë, and maybe even the most socially intelligent. There's a lot of humor in this book, and despite some of the dark themes, it never feels miserable.

Anne was a remarkably resolute woman, which comes through in both her heroines; even when they are oppressed and trapped in the most dire situations, they consciously refuse to adopt a victim mindset, instead trusting in their own strength and resilience. After enduring much suffering, both heroines trust in their faith, focus their energy on creating good lives for themselves, and by doing so achieve happiness in the end.

Anne Brontë's heroines are true examples of female stoics in the original philosophical sense, capable of great empathy and feeling as well as self-control and self-discipline. The Anne Brontë heroine has a quiet confidence about her. She champions moderation and common sense, not because she is boring or easily written off by the misogynistic epithet of "prude," but because she has witnessed true chaos and experienced true misery, and these things have served to make her more calm because she does not internalize them but triumphs over them. She has decided to learn from life's lessons and seek a life of tranquility, simplicity, and faith.

- This novel has everything! We've got the (literally designated) not-so-reformed rake in Sir Thomas Ashby (and what a rakish name that is), we've got some demonic children, we've got a sexy country parson, religious discourse, depictions and poignant criticism of classism, sexism, marriage, animal abuse, etc.

- Mr. Hatfield is basically Mr. Collins from P&P. Matilda rejecting him was golden.

-- The beginning of this novel, summarized: "I can't wait to meet these amazing children I've heard so much about! Gee, I really hope they aren't sociopathic animal torturers! What are the odds, am I right?"

-- No wonder the Brontë's didn't succeed in setting up their own school -- being a governess or teacher was simply horrible back then, as it largely still is today, and I think for the most part some of them simply weren't cut out for the job to begin with -- which is saying nothing bad about them or their abilities. Maybe if they lived today they would have done well as teachers or professors with a little more modern structure and having workers rights, etc...

-- I like the short length of this novel! It goes by very fast, and I read the first 100 pages or so myself very quickly, and the rest in audiobook format, but this is very rare for me. I've become accustomed to the Brontë family "language." I'm glad I didn't start with this novel though; I think it's easier to appreciate Agnes Grey after reading their "greatest hits" (Tenant, Jane, and Heights). It definitely isn't my favorite Brontë novel but then again I don't have a favorite. They each fulfill slightly different functions yet have many overlapping themes, so it's difficult to rank them.

-- I think one of the reasons this novel may not be as popular as it could be is because the first half of the novel is generally bleak and this may cause people to give up. The narrator's life generally improves in the second half of the novel, but still, Grey does not have as much dramatic "umph" as does what I hereby dub the "Brontë Greatest Hits Triad" (Heights/Tenant/Jane) which all will prefer. Still, the novel is worth reading for any Brontë fans as it is good and contains many of the Brontë tropes we all know and love. It also stands as a marked contrast to Anne's second novel The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, and makes me appreciate that novel so much better.

[townesorsomething]

a couple beloveds! i actually started putting together what i thought bertbert looked like BEFORE getting to the line about sygians not being fish people, but i was just too attached to how i had been envisioning her, so now you get anglerfish light bertiluna ok? ok. glad we’re on the same page.

also, shout out to my partners ( @ashbyyyrose + @the-murder ) for this one! ashby has been taking notes on the different species in the midnight-burger-verse, which was helpful, and crow has been having Very Academic Debates with me about headcanons for Truskan society (especially how gender vs sex works for them) and also about which of our interpretations for how they look is right (he thinks they’re bug critters which is fun too, but i’m stuck on them looking kind of like the aandrisks from the Wayfarers novel series <- if you like MB you should read those)

[nie-narzekam]

[ID: A photo of the cover of Becky Chambers’ “The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet”.]

There’s no place I can be since I found Serenity, La Sirena, and—most recently—the Wayfarer.

The characters were memorable, the world-building was fascinating, the plot kept me turning the pages, the humour made me laugh, the drama made me gasp…

And it didn’t hurt that Sissix & Ashby gave me major Raffi & Rios vibes 😉

Also, when Kizzy knitted hats for fixbots because it gets really cold in the air ducts 🥺

Well, I’m off to hunt for the second volume (and some downtime to read it in, wish me luck 🤞).

[quoteablebooks]

Genre: Fiction, Adult, Science Fiction, Space Opera

Rating: 5 out of 5

Content Warning: Death, Grief, Violence, Xenophobia, War, Terminal illness, Sexual content, Drug use, Genocide             

Summary: Follow a motley crew on an exciting journey through space-and one adventurous young explorer who discovers the meaning of family in the far reaches of the universe-in this light-hearted debut space opera from a rising sci-fi star.

Rosemary Harper doesn’t expect much when she joins the crew of the aging Wayfarer. While the patched-up ship has seen better days, it offers her a bed, a chance to explore the far-off corners of the galaxy, and most importantly, some distance from her past. An introspective young woman who learned early to keep to herself, she’s never met anyone remotely like the ship’s diverse crew, including Sissix, the exotic reptilian pilot, chatty engineers Kizzy and Jenks who keep the ship running, and Ashby, their noble captain.

Life aboard the Wayfarer is chaotic and crazy—exactly what Rosemary wants. It’s also about to get extremely dangerous when the crew is offered the job of a lifetime. Tunneling wormholes through space to a distant planet is definitely lucrative and will keep them comfortable for years. But risking her life wasn’t part of the plan. In the far reaches of deep space, the tiny Wayfarer crew will confront a host of unexpected mishaps and thrilling adventures that force them to depend on each other. To survive, Rosemary’s got to learn how to rely on this assortment of oddballs—an experience that teaches her about love and trust, and that having a family isn’t necessarily the worst thing in the universe.

*Opinions*

I am not a huge sci-fi reader, but with how much I absolutely adored Becky Chambers’s Monk & Robot novella series, I wanted to give her other series a try. I was not disappointed. There is something about this book that is cozy even though some serious topics come up during the events of this novel. This is very much a world-building and character-centered story, which might not be for everyone, but by the end of this novel, I was tearing up over the ship's AI.

The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet follows the crew of the Wayfarer, a vessel that tunnels wormholes to make transportation around space easier. Rosemary Harper joins this interspecies crew with her own baggage only to find that this crew is as rough around the edges as the ship itself. When the crew gets a long-haul job in new alliance territory, they have a lot of time to get to know each other and test the bounds between them as new issues arise internally and externally. It’s a job that will give them enough credit to live comfortably for a long time, but they have to survive the job to reap the rewards. 

Does that seem like a short overview for a four-hundred-page book? Well, that is because while there is a plot to this novel, it kind of isn’t the point. While the trip to Toremi space is always in the background, what you follow is the relationships between the crew members and the universe that Chambers created with her different alien races and their customs. Chambers approaches all of them with respect, but there is obvious tension between a few of the groups and misunderstandings that are bound to happen when different cultures intermingle. There are also a lot of conversations about AI and how it should be treated when it is sentient. Now, there are some areas of action in this book and I became tense on a couple of occasions, but this is firmly a character-driven novel. 

The crew of the Wayfarer is eccentric and loveable, think Firefly without all the war trauma. Even the members that aren’t very likable, to begin with, you grow to care about as the story progresses. They all also have very distinct personalities and issues that are dealing with. The reader is given an access point to the Wayfarer and the world via Rosemary as she grew up on Mars and had never been in open space before. However, throughout the novel, you get points of view from everyone on the ship as well as some other individuals that they come across. I didn’t think that I had become too attached to them, but the first time that the crew was in danger I was worried for them. By the end of the novel I was tearing up over the emotional turmoil they’re all going through. 

This is a really short review for a 5-star read, but I don’t have much to say other than I loved my time with the crew of the Wayfarer and can’t wait to get back into the world. I think that this is a good gateway book into the sci-fi genre. I can see why some people will not love this as much as I did, but truly I always wanted to get back to this book whenever I put it down. I also think that this would be a good audiobook if that’s your preferred way of reading. 

[thatrickmcginnis]

JERZY KOSINSKI, Toronto 1988

I was vaguely aware that Jerzy Kosinski was under a cloud of scandal when I photographed him at the 1988 authors festival, but I didn't know the details and in any case he was the most distinguished writer I photographed in that little alcove off the main lobby of the festival hotel on the lakeshore. The hit Hal Ashby movie version of his third book, Being There, starring Peter Sellers, had made him famous as a celebrity and not just a writer. I'd read his acclaimed first novel The Painted Bird as a student, then subsequent books like Steps, The Devil Tree, Cockpit and Passion Play. He'd been the president of PEN twice and starred in Warren Beaty's film Reds; he was a frequent guest on talk shows, played polo and moved in high society as well as literary circles. It was an incredible success story for a man who had emigrated to the US from communist Poland in 1957, sponsored by a fake foundation he had created, and forging letters from communist officials guaranteeing that he'd return. In retrospect this deception would end up setting the tone for his life decades later.

The rumours about Jerzy Kosinski's work had as much to do with his working methods as allegations of plagiarism or his inspiration. It began with charges that the CIA had sponsored his first two nonfiction, anti-communist books, written under the pseudonym Joseph Novak. It was widely assumed that the nightmarish story of the Jewish boy hiding from Nazis in the Polish countryside told in The Painted Bird was based on Kosinski's own wartime experience, and later attempts to correct this did nothing to dispel suspicion that grew as he became more successful and high profile. Critics in Poland had attacked him when Being There was published, claiming that it was based on a Polish novel famous when Kosinski was a boy. Kosinski was known to have an active and kinky sex life, which no doubt fueled resentment that ended up focusing on his creative methods, which employed multiple editorial assistants - translators and editors and proofreaders. By the time I photographed Kosinski this had turned into a campaign to discredit him, started in earnest by a 1982 Village Voice article, and the book Kosinski was promoting at the authors festival in 1988 was The Hermit of 69th Street, his attempt to address the allegations in a kind of literary fantasy.

The Hermit of 69th Street, the book Jerzy Kosinski was promoting when I photographed him, was a curious attempt to answer his accusers and rebut the allegations made about his creative methods and inspiration. Presented as a collection of papers left to Kosinski by another writer, Norbert Kosky, who had left them behind on a leased fishing boat after his disappearance, Kosky was clearly Kosinski's alter ego, but the book's 529 pages do little to frame a clear self-defense of the writer. It's a maddening book - far less satisfying than anything else he'd written before - and seems like it was meant to taunt both his enemies and supporters. It's full of puerile sexual wordplay and imagery (the frequent use of the number 69, for instance) Kosky/Kosinski writes about the "privately hired, part-time professional literary vulvar cleft, be it a typist, a proofreader, a line editor or even a licensed full-time galley printer - an indispensable tax deductible literary ghost every writer must employ at one time or another." Then goes on to admit that "the very thought of a woman typist excites him. Whether she is black, yellow or white; whether she is nice or nasty, petty or pretty, stubbornly fat or weakened by anorexia nervosa or by typing novels written in Esperanto, he cares not."

Kosinski could not, of course, directly address the creative process by which writers produce their work, fiction or nonfiction - that would have been pulling back the curtain on a profession that was still admired, even revered, back in an age when a man who looked like him could be both regularly on the bestseller lists and infamous as a bit of a sexual satyr. It's a world that seems like a long time ago now, and subsequent scandals in journalism and the publishing world over plagiarism and authenticity (Stephen Glass, James Frey, Jonah Lehrer, Herman Rosenblat, "JT LeRoy", Jayson Blair) have dulled us to just how damaging the charges against Kosinski were to his reputation, despite his high profile defenders at places like the New York Times. I can't claim that I tried to suggest any of this in my brief shoot with Jerzy Kosinski in that little space off that hotel lobby, but the man had a defiance about him that I think I captured in these frames. I put one of these shots in my portfolio where it stayed for many years, until Kosinski's infamy had subsided into the first stages of obscurity, and I got tired of having to explain who he was when showing my book. Jerzy Kosinski committed suicide in his New York apartment three years after I took these photos.

[crimsonclad]

say more about the linden ashby playgirl issue. speak your piece, king

ha okay my thoughts fall into two categories:

ONE: the actual issue, which regrettably is a normal interview and photoshoot with him in silly clothes but NOT naked. BUT. BUT. BUT. check this out:

LINDEN THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE RESPONSE THANK YOU. This is the highest resolution image of this page that I’ve found so far and WHAT A PULL QUOTE LEGENDS ONLY.

Also they dresses him up like a shiny corporate Joker???? amazing choices

Okay and TWO I’m assuming that in the Teen Wolf universe the sheriff WOULD be oiled up and mostly naked as part of some “Yes, Officer!!!!!” type spread with other law enforcement officers, and also I kind of feel like he’d be less ashamed and more “oh come on Stiles, it was on a dare and also Scott’s dad never forgave me for getting the invite when he didn’t, which never stopped being funny. I had great abs in the 90s, plus the money they paid helped us replace our broken dishwasher. Plus these pics have pinned up in the break room at the station for like five years since Neil found a copy at a garage sale, so I’m not sure how you’ve missed them before now??”

[scotianostra]

On March 17th 1328 saw the signing of The Treaty of Edinburgh between King Robert I and Edward III

The Treaty of Edinburgh-Northampton was agreed by Robert I in Edinburgh Castle and by Edward III in Northampton. Finally Robert Bruce had everything he'd been fighting for - the English had been driven out of Scotland, peace had been achieved and he was recognised as King of Scots.

In the Treaty, England recognises Scotland's independence, Robert Bruce as King and gives up any claims over superiority over Scotland. In return, the Scots agreed to pay the English £20,000 to end the war and gave up any claim over the lands of Northumberland. A marriage was agreed between the two royal families, to seal the deal.

Robert Bruce died just one year after the Treaty was agreed and his five year old son, David, became King of Scots.

Alas, the peace promised by the treaty did not hold. Three years later the Scots were defeated by 'The Disinherited' - the relatives of King John Balliol returning to claim the throne.

The Treaty is held in the National Archives of Scotland, none of the seals from this document have survived.

A translation reads........

To all Christ's faithful people who shall see these letters, Edward, by the grace of God, King of England, Lord of Ireland, Duke of Acquitaine, greeting and peace everlasting in the Lord. Whereas, we and some of our predecessors, Kings of England, have endeavoured to establish rights of rule or dominion or superiority over the realm of Scotland, whence dire conflicts of wars waged have afflicted for a long time the Kingdoms of England and Scotland: we, having regard to the slaughter, disasters, crimes, destruction of churches and evils innumerable which, in the course of such wars, have repeatedly befallen the subjects of both realms, and to the wealth with which each realm, if united by the assurance of perpetual peace, might abound to their mutual advantage, thereby rendering them more secure against the hurtful efforts of those conspiring to rebel or to attack, whether from within or without: We will and grant by these presents, for us, our heirs and successors whatsover, with the common advice, assent and consent of the prelates, princes, earls, barons and the commons of our realm in our Parliament, that the Kingdom of Scotland, within its own proper marches as they were held and maintained in the time of King Alexander of Scotland, last deceased, of good memory, shall belong to our dearest ally and friend, the magnificent prince, Lord Robert, by God's grace illustrious King of Scotland, and to his heirs and successors, separate in all things from the Kingdom of England, whole, free and undisturbed in perpetuity, without any kind of subjection, service claim or demand. And by these presents we denounce and demit to the King of Scotland, his heirs and successors, whatsoever right we or our predecessors have put forward in any way in bygone times to the aforesaid Kingdom of Scotland. And, for ourselves and our heirs and successors, we cancel wholly and utterly all obligations, conventions and compacts undertaken in whatsoever manner with our predecessors, at whatsoever times, by whatsoever Kings or inhabitants, clergy or laity, of the same Kingdom of Scotland, concerning the subjection of the realm of Scotland and its inhabitants. And wheresoever any letters, charters, deeds or instruments may be discovered bearing upon obligations, conventions and compacts of this nature, we will that they be deemed cancelled, invalid, of no effect and void, and of no value or moment. And for the full, peaceful and faithful observance of the foregoing, all and singular, for all time we have given full power and special command by our other letters patent to our well-beloved and faithful Henry de Percy our kinsman, and William de la Zouche of Ashby and to either of them make oath upon our soul. In testimony whereof we have caused these letters patent to be executed.

The original document consisted of one page, on which the terms were written twice in French. Officials then tore it in two, with a wavy edge, as seen in the photo, to ensure that the originals would marry up if either part was subsequently challenged.

[necromycologist]

kind of a hot take but tbh despite his horrible cringefail racist nature corbin is SO interesting to me as a character. maybe the most interesting out of the wayfarers. he's just VERY, VERY angry in a way that the rest of the crew (and perhaps most of his own people considering what we hear abt Exodans culturally) just really aren't. he's a prideful git, he's overconfident, he's exacting to the point of obsession: he doesn't like other people, and they don't like him. he's very sure of where he stands, until he's not. he is abused and belittled for his origins, something completely out of his control, the same way he has belittled sissix and others and he doesn't change. he's still angry! he still doesn't understand the crew of the wayfarer, and he says as much. he's still not pleasant, he still has all the morals of an algae vat, but he's absolutely dedicated to helping the crew. and you can argue whether or not corbin injecting ohan is defensible or moral or fair until your face goes blue, but i dont think that's the point. he injects ohan and he sleeps soundly. he knows ashby is angry and he doesn't argue back. it doesn't matter to him whether or not they like him. he's content to be hated! he's absolutely certain in his actions! he is absolutely the same reprehensible git, the same egotistical control freak we meet in the first pages of the book. but even more, he is absolutely a member of the wayfarer family. perhaps not a wanted one or even a beloved one, but by god, he is there.

[billboard-hotties-tourney]

Round One Has Finished!

Well, everyone, we've just concluded the first round of the Miss Billboard Tourney. Thank you all for participating thus far! Congratulations to the following, who are advancing to Round Two:

Lale Andersen

Julie Andrews

Patty Andrews

Joan Armatrading

Dorothy Ashby

Joan Baez

Pearl Bailey

Josephine Baker

LaVern Baker

Florence Ballard

Eileen Barton

Shirley Bassey

Lola Beltran

Teresa Brewer

Anne Briggs

Ruth Brown

Joyce Bryant

Kate Bush

Maria Callas

Blanche Calloway

Wendy Carlos

Diahann Carroll

Karen Carpenter

Charo

Cher

Gigliola Cinquetti

Petula Clark

Merry Clayton

Patsy Cline

Judy Collins

Rita Coolidge

Gal Costa

Betty Davis

Doris Day

Lucienne Delyle

Jackie DeShannon

Marlene Dietrich

Julie Driscoll

Cass Elliot

Agnetha Faeltskog

Marianne Faithfull

Mimi Farina

Ella Fitzgerald

Roberta Flack

Connie Francis

Aretha Franklin

Judy Garland

Crystal Gayle

Gloria Gaynor

Bobbie Gentry

Lesley Gore

Eydie Gorme

Margo Guryan

Sheila Guyse

Annie Haslam

Billie Holiday

Betty Hutton

Wanda Jackson

Joan Jett

Etta Jones

Gloria Jones

Grace Jones

Janis Joplin

Eartha Kitt

Chaka Khan

Gladys Knight

Sonja Kristina

Patti Labelle

Cleo Laine

Barbara Lewis

Abbey Lincoln

Julie London

Anni-Frid Lyngstad

Loretta Lynn

Lata Mangeshkar

Linda McCartney

Christie McVie

Jean Millington

Liza Minnelli

Carmen Miranda

Stevie Nicks

Nico

Laura Nyro

Odetta

Patti Page

Dolly Parton

Freda Payne

Ruth Pointer

Leontyne Price

Suzi Quatro

Bonnie Raitt

Carline Ray

June Richmond

Jean Ritchie

Clara Rockmore

Linda Ronstadt

Diana Ross

Buffy Sainte-Marie

Hazel Scott

Marlena Shaw

Nina Simone

Nancy Sinatra

Grace Slick

Mamie Smith

Patti Smith

Mercedes Sosa

Ronnie Spector

Barbra Streisand

Poly Styrene

Maxine Sullivan

Donna Summer

Pat Suzuki

Tammi Terrell

Sister Rosetta Tharpe

Big Mama Thornton

Mary Travers

Tina Turner

Bonnie Tyler

Sarah Vaughan

Akiko Wada

Dionne Warwick

Mary Wells

Tina Weymouth

Cris Williamson

Ann Wilson

Mary Wilson

Nancy Wilson

Syreeta Wright

The aforementioned ladies are accepting propaganda for their next posts. To give folks some time to prepare any sort of written/visual/audio propaganda for submission to my asks, Round Two will begin at midnight PST on July 10th.

[oysters-aint-for-me]

Hello there! thank you for responding to my excited tags. I'm glad to know that you're open to talk about the book. There is a lot of potential for spoilers in the Becky Chambers tag, so be aware of that if you look through it.

my favourite about the series is that rereading the books is very rewarding. I've found more details even on the seventh reread, and enjoy the connections to the other books very much.

What is important to know before starting the next books is that apart from one character each the other characters in the books are all new. Pepper is in books 1 and 2, books 2 and 3 don't have any characters in common. Ashby is mentioned in book 3, while his sister Tessa is a main character in book 3. Pei from book 1 reappears in book 4 and Ashby is mentioned again. so while they share the same galaxy, we get a new set of characters and places each time. Lots of people are sad that we don't get more about the Wayfarer crew, so if you don't know in advance that the further books are about other people, you might be disappointed.

There is a short story about the Sianat woman we meet when Ashby and Kizzy go down to their planet. It is part of a short story collection called "Infinite Stars - Dark frontiers" and I liked the story very much. Should you want to read it but not buy the entire book, I'd be open to scan the pages for you.

Have fun!

SEVEN REREADS?! omg that’s awesome that you can get that many out of it! im on book 2 now and have started rereading the first one by listening on audiotape and i’m already like OOOH that was FORESHADOWING and OOOH i get why that’s called that now! like for a very long time i had no idea why they called it “sib” or “the stasie” but now i get it! i really love how immersive the books are though, that it doesn’t necessarily explain every little thing to the reader, you just are kind of thrown in and you learn what something is if the characters need to learn something but otherwise it’s like you’re just thrown into this world and for some reason that makes it feel more real??

and yeah, i see what you’re saying about missing the wayfarer crew - i also wish i got to spend more time with them (esp. jenks and sissix and kizzy and dr. chef!) but i do think it’s cool to get other perspectives of different characters in this universe. i feel like maybe there might be some fanfic out there that could soothe the ache of missing the wayfarer crew but i haven’t looked into it much for fear of spoilers.

i would love to read that short story! i’ll have to find the book. (thank you for offering to scan but i don’t mind buying it, lol, i collect books and i’m just owning that now)

have you read “to be taught if fortunate”? it’s like a novella that is also sort of part of the wayfarer series - i don’t remember what it is supposed to be about, but i ordered it along with the other three.

(also sorry for not responding to this for a while - i am so bad at noticing when i get messages in my inbox because i have had my asks closed for like the last two years! 💜 i was very excited to see this message when i did check tho so thank you!)

[reasoningdaily]

KU KLUX COURT IN 2023 MISSISSIPPI: MS bill 1020 creates separate unelected court system in Jackson district

The passage of House Bill 1020 came in spite some of the starkest possible opposition from Jackson's mayor, its city council and its representatives in the House, many of whom said the bill reminded them of the darkest days of Mississippi's racist past.

After nearly five hours of debate on the House floor the chamber passed the bill that would create an unelected state-appointed court system within the city of Jackson, as conflict between the city and state continues to be one of the key themes of the 2023 legislative session.

The bill passed, 76-38, with only one member of the Jackson delegation supporting it.

More:What legislators said See some of the most explosive quotes from the House debate on unelected Jackson courts

If passed by the Senate and approved by the governor, the bill would create a new court system for cases occurring within the Capitol Complex Improvement District (CCID), an area that could expand.

The bill has faced significant criticism since it was first introduced last month.

Jackson Mayor Chokwe Antar Lumumba, who looked on from the House gallery during the debate, said last week that it "reminds me of apartheid."

The Jackson City Council called a meeting Saturday to vote on a resolution opposing the bill. Every councilmember present, including the sole Republican, Ashby Foote, voted for the resolution.

As Rep. Trey Lamar, R-Senatobia, came forward to propose the bill Tuesday, he seemed to address the news headlines that his bill had made, saying Jackson has a crime problem and a judicial backlog that must be managed.

"I don't know what you've heard, I'll say that, but this bill is designed to help make our capital city of Mississippi a safer city. This bill is designed to assist the court system of Hinds County, not to hinder it. It is designed to add to our judicial resources in Hinds County, not to take away. To help, not to hurt," Lamar said.

Critics, including those elected by the people of Jackson, disagree. They say the bill is not wanted by Jackson residents or leaders within the court and that it dilutes the voting power of Jackson residents, violates the state constitution and does little to address root causes of crime.

"I have not heard that anyone from the City of Jackson, Mississippi who is an elected official is in favor of this," said Rep. Edward Blackmon, D-Canton. "This is a land grab, has nothing to do with crime."

Lamar amended the bill, cutting it from more than 1000 pages down to less than 40 in the process, to remove provisions that would have given the new court sole jurisdiction over lawsuits involving the state.

Blackmon, speaking against that amendment, said the new court would oversee both civil and criminal cases, and that should be a sign to observers that the true underlying issue is not about crime.

"This bill is about helping to fight crime?" Blackmon said. "What does civil litigation have to do with crime in the state of Mississippi?"

If the state was serious about fighting crime in Jackson, Blackmon said, it would increase funding for the state crime lab, which has been cited by law enforcement leaders as a key cause of backlogs.

"I notice that this bill does not address part of the problem, which is lack of funding at that crime lab. You're blaming Jackson because they can't process their cases fast enough because the crime lab is not operating at capacity because we won't give them the money," Blackmon said.

Democrats proposed eight amendments to Lamar's amendment, including ones to make CCID judges elected and to require they be residents of Hinds County. The one amendment that did succeed, proposed by Rep. Cheikh Taylor, D-Starkville, would require Capitol Police officers to wear body cameras. The department's officers were involved in more than a dozen shootings last year.

"This amendment is all about protection, furthering the protection of civilians and also police officers. For those that are in favor of this bill, it does the bill no violence. For those opposed to this bill, it gives further protections to citizens who may be under duress from officers who may not be held accountable because there is no video footage," Taylor said.

After discussions between Taylor and Lamar, language mandating the firing of officers that do not wear the cameras was removed, and the amendment succeeded via vioce vote.

Lamar's response to the amendment to make the judges Hinds County residents, which was proposed by Rep. Robert Johnson, D-Natchez, drew the ire of many of the chamber's Black members.

"If we're going to make an additional court in the city of Jackson, do we not want our best and brightest sitting in judgment, whether that may come from Holmes County or Madison County or wherever they may be? Why would we limit the talent pool to here?" Lamar said.

"What does it imply when you say have a city of 83, that's 83% African American, when you have a statement made from that podium that the desire, the reason you want to go outside of Jackson, is because you want to have the 'best and brightest' in the state?" Blackmon asked.

"What is says to me is, maybe because you've got a Black County with Black judges, maybe they might not be the best and the brightest. Well, I will tell you, I disagree," Johnson said. "They've got the same training, the same education, (and they) probably had to work a little harder to get it."

Hours later, when the statement was brought back up, Lamar said he had been "misconstrued."

"That's not what I'm saying at all. The best person for the job may very well come from Hinds County, and if so the supreme court can appoint that person," Lamar said.

Lamar lives more than two hours away. He repeated a belief from the House floor Tuesday that, as the capital city, Jackson doesn't just belong to the citizens of Jackson.

"The city of Jackson is the capital city of the state of Mississippi, whether you are from Southaven or Gulfport. It is our capital city. It does not belong solely to the citizens of Jackson, OK?" Lamar said.

Lamar said there are already unelected judges serving over cases in Hinds County, but those judges are funded by expiring federal funds from the American Rescue Plan Act, and this is an attempt to more permanently address the problem.

"Why wouldn't you just provide more money to the existing court system to reduce the backlog?" Rep. Zakiya Summers, D-Jackson, asked Lamar.

"Lady, this is the bill that's before the body," Lamar responded.

Summers later pointed out that the current appointed judges are overseen by elected Hinds County judges, and not state officials. She said Lamar's bill would create a "separate but unequal court."

A later question, from Rep. Tracey Rosebud, D-Tutwiler, asked why the legislature should take away authority from Hinds County judges. Lamar said he does not see it that way because the two courts would have concurrent jurisdictions, meaning the Hinds County District Attorney could file cases within the CCID, and CCID prosecutors could file cases within the county courts.

"If the prosecutor wants to indict someone in Hinds County Circuit they still have the ability to do that," Lamar said.

Rep. Christopher Bell, D-Jackson, asked Lamar to name people from Hinds County he had spoken with about the legislation. Lamar said there are several residents he has spoken to.

"Do they look like me?" Bell asked. "You don't have to answer that."

"All God's children are unique. We're all God's children," Lamar responded.

Once Lamar had finished taking questions, it was time for members of the body to speak on the bill. One by one, 12 Black Democrats rose to urge their colleagues to vote no. Other than Lamar, no one spoke in support of the bill.

Blackmon, who recalled being jailed as a younger man for seeking the right to vote, told lawmakers that this moment called back to the state's infamous past.

"Only in Mississippi would we have a bill like this, with our history, where you say solving the problem is taking the vote away from Black people because we don't know how to choose our leaders. That's the problem. And the Trojan Horse that has been brought forward in this bill is called crime," Blackmon said. "I'm old enough to know and understand that the right to vote has not always been ours, and perhaps I'm a little more sensitive to the idea that that vote can be taken away."

Blackmon was one of many lawmakers to claim the bill is unconstitutional.

"This bill is going to pass, make no mistake about it. We'll be back in federal courts again doing what we were doing in the 60s and the 70s, to regain our rights again," Blackmon said.

Rep. Solomon Osborne, D-Greenwood, also thought back to the days of Jim Crow.

Black caucus:How the Mississippi Legislative Black Caucus has changed, served members over the years

Will Jackson lose control of its water?Here's what you should know about state efforts to regionalize the Jackson water system

Mayoral veto bill:Bill saying mayors cannot veto no votes gets initial approval, amid Jackson trash fight

"I've been here for 74 years and one thing I can do is recognize a racist when I see one ... racist actions when I see them, and this is a racist bill," Osborne said, to cheers from those in the gallery, which were quickly gaveled down by House Speaker Pro Tempore Jason White, R-West.

"People come up with all kinds of measures to take away our rights and to oppress the Black Folks in Mississippi. I don't even know why I'm down here, frankly, because it's like being at a Klan rally with people with suits on. That's the only difference I see between these people here. They wear suits rather than sheets," Osborne said. "Every day we get up here and open this body with prayer. I wonder what God are these people praying to?"

"We don’t talk about race because it’s convenient. We talk about race because it’s factual," Johnson said.

Rep. John Hines, D-Greenville, said the legislature needs to do more to support people in need if it wants to see crime decrease.

"If you really want Jackson safe, put the resources in place where we can put mental health services in place, where we can have quality housing for people, where we can insure and where can make so kids got somewhere to go and play and something to do. We ain't doing it. We have not done it at all," Hines said.

Hines went on to say that this action will only reinforce Mississippi's poor reputation on race.

"Again, we end up being the laughingstock of America because of what we do here today," Hines said.

Johnson said actions taken against Jackson stand in stark contrast to what state legislature has done regarding white collar crimes, particularly the massive welfare fraud scandal uncovered in recent years.

"The people who did the wrong were white. Stole $95 million from poor children, and this body hasn't said one time, 'Let's take over that agency and make it work right. Let's take those people out of office, take the power that they have to run that agency and take it and put it in the hands of the legislature so it can be done right.' And the only difference we see is they're white, and the mayor and the city council and the supervisors in Hinds County are Black," Johnson said.

Rep. Earle Banks, D-Jackson, addressed Lamar's comments about to whom the capital city belongs.

"This is your capital city, as many of you say, but this is my home," Banks said.

"I'm going to speak to the citizens and the voters of the city of Jackson. We may lose the battle today, but I want you to know that the people of your Hinds County delegation have been fighting very hard against this bill. The victory belongs to God. We have elections coming up this year. Keep in mind what happens today," Summers said.

As Lamar again rose to the podium following the onslaught of criticism, he promised to keep it brief, noting that every Democrat in the chamber voted to create the CCID in 2017. He flatly denied any racial motivation behind the bill.

"So, I get the fun job of having to close after all that. Where in the world do I start?" Lamar said. "I'm not going to holler and scream and put on a show."

The only member from Jackson to vote for the bill was independent Shanda Yates, whose district includes a small part of Northeast Jackson along with areas in Madison County.

Though it would have cleared either bar, a procedural decision ruled that it could pass by a simple-majority, despite the Legislature's website initially stating it would require a three fifths vote.

It now heads to the Senate. During a January news conference, Republican Lt. Gov. Delbert Hosemann said he could see the bill reaching the Senate floor, though at the time he had not yet read it or spoken with Lamar.

Democrats in that chamber have also vowed to oppose the bill.

[greenviewhq]

RESERVED for opening

limit ten (10) per member

for Artemis -

Curran Walters

Jack Quaid

Kat McNamara

Natasha Liu Bordizzo

Richard Harmon

Hailee Steinfeld

Owen Teague

Grant Gustin

for Ashley -

Chloe Bennet

Ana de Armas

Greta Onieogou

Sean Teale

Cody Christian

Kennedy McMann

Cemre Baysel

for Biggles -

Adam Page

Nick Bateman

Adam Cole

Swerve Strickland

for CC -

Danielle Rose Russell

Brenton Thwaites

Dylan O’Brien

Phoebe Tonkin

for Emma -

Aaron Tveit

Penn Badgley

Oscar Isaac

for Katie -

Chloe Grace Moretz

Diana Silvers

Davika Hoorne

Hirai Momo

Brianne Howey

Elle Fanning

beabadoobee

Alexa Demie

Alyssa Milano (young)

Sab Zada

for Kit -

Cailee Spaeny

Megan Fox

Sebastian Stan

Samara Weaving

Sophie Wilde

Mikey Madison

Bruna Maquezine

Glen Powell

Tini Stoessel

Ester Expósito

for Love -

Daisy Edgar-Jones

Anna Sawai

Chris Evans

Kaya Scodelario

Ursula Corbero

Cristin Milioti

Adam Brody

Savannah Lee Smith

for Max -

Bex Taylor-Klaus

Tom Holland x2

Bill Skarsgard

John Krasinski

Emma Myers

Pedro Pascal

Jordan Fisher

Paris Berelc

Tanner Buchanan

for Pixie -

Anya Taylor Joy

Tom Hiddleston

Derek Thaler

Jamie Campbell Bower

Sutton Foster

for Rachael -

Florence Pugh

Sofia Carson

Madelaine Petsch

Sabrina Carpenter

Olivia Rodrigo

Madelyn Cline

Meg Donnelly

Camila Mendes

Isabela Merced

Sophie Thatcher

for Ring -

Spencer Charnas

Noah Sebastian

Andy Biersack

Kat Dennings

for Admin Rory (subject to change) -

Anthony Turpel

Mark McKenna

Toby Wallace

Joshua Colley

Lukas Gage

Briana Cuoco

Xolo Maridueña

Dara Reneé

Ludovico Tersigni

Fionn Whitehead

Kiara Pichardo

Asa Germann

Lukita Maxwell

Jasmin Savoy Brown

Jackson Kelly

Jack Wolfe

Michael Evans Behling

Justin Min

Jonathan Daviss

for Admin Ryan -

Katie Douglas

Joe Locke

Mint Ranchrawee

Ashley Moore

Ciara Bravo

Ashby Gentry

Kento Yamazaki

Federico Russo

Barry Keoghan

Ruby Stokes

Melissa Collazo

Kyle Gallner

Tyler Lawrence Gray

Mia Isaac

Olivia Holt

Jenna Ortega

Antonia Gentry

Jung Hoyeon

Maris Racal

Maia Reficco

for Sierra -

Adam Scott

Norman Reedus

for Sierra -

Sarah Gadon

George MacKay

Logan Lerman

for Tasha -

Kathryn Winnick

Vanessa Morgan

Kristen Kreuk

Kathryn Newton

Nathalie Kelley

Ella Purnell

Madison Pettis

Liz Gillies

Bridget Reagan

for Tom -

Paul Mescal

Theo James

Manny Jacinto

Rahul Kohli

Ryan Gosling

Aron Piper

Suraj Sharma

for V -

Tyla

[thewestern]

Chapter 29

The moment the Mick stood up from the desk where Billy had written his last words, he heard a faint sound. 

Wait, do you hear that? 

What. 

I don’t know. I hear a sound, but it’s faint. 

The Mick was showing off his good ear. It was true he heard a sound. albeit barely perceptible. More precisely it was a sustained double low C note. A dog whistle of sorts for film bros. Soon it gave way to a much bigger sound. This they all heard. 

Duh. Duhh. Duhhhh. Duh-duh! 

I heard that. 

They all knew it too, but only the Mick from where. 

Oh, damn. 2001. Very tight. 

He was referring of course to 2001: A Space Odyssey, the nineteen sixty-eight Stanley Kubrick masterwork. The Mick, however, was using a short-hand for Phish’s cover of the nineteenth-century tone poem that Kubrick uses to open the film, and to great effect. Although, for a fact, their rendition more closely hues to a seventies discotheque remix, that was likewise featured in a landmark film of the twentieth century, Being There, by Hal Ashby.

The song’s familiar crescendo synched perfectly with the yurt lights going off, all at once, enveloping them in darkness. 

Hey, turn on the lights! I’m not fucking kidding. 

For as tough as she was, and she was, Grace was deathly afraid of the dark, as well as, apparently, death. 

Then a second song queued. Likewise an instrumental, albeit one with which they were not familiar. Like the previous piece, it was brass-forward and accented with symbols, but that is where the similarities ended. Whereas the beginning song had marked a triumphant dawning of a bright future, here came an acid rain cloud, rinsing away the scum on the city streets, leaving them slick to reflect the neon signs of sex shoppes and the peep shows. And yet, sinister though it certainly is, the melody alludes to a post-modern, muzak mundanity. As if it were elevator music, playing along on your freefall descent to Hell. 

This is the main theme to Taxi Driver, Scorcece’s masterwork, wherein Marty largely eschews his propensity for setting his movies to popular music, rather to do the honor of collabing with the great film composer Bernard Herrmann, whose IMDB page is slaps only. His first feature — his fucking debut — was a little movie called Citizen Kane. Ever heard of it? Thereafter scoring what many consider to be the greatest film of all time, on his first fucking try, every director in town wanted a piece of him. But Hermann only wanted to work with one — Hitchcock. You see Psycho? That lady getting murked in the shower. The repeated stabbings set to shrieking violins. That was your boy. Hitchcock didn’t even want music for that scene. But Bernard insisted. Good call. 

Bernie was Marty’s first and only choice. Initially, he turned him down. Why would I want to do a movie about a taxi driver, he told him, hilariously. However, after being appealed to by Brian de Palma of all people — Hollywood! — to please reconsider and at least read Paul Schrader’s now iconic screenplay, he was all in. He completed the score in two days, left the studio, had dinner, went back to his hotel and died in his sleep. It was Christmas Eve. 

And that was what was playing in the yurt that day. Perhaps this mystery DJ was a cinephile, because something of a DIY short film was now being projected onto the yurts canvas roof. It was a mosaic of aural ephemera. Things like: 

A sped-up time-lapse of a flower blooming and wilting. Elvis shaking his hips on the Ed Sullivan Show. Another time-lapse, this time of traffic at night on a bend in the freeway. A rocket taking off. A woman in a fifties-era kitchen taking a casserole out of the oven. The Zapruder film. A massive industrial canning line. A mushroom cloud. Richard Nixon giving the double deuces. A hot air balloon taking off. Bill Clinton playing saxophone on the Arsenio Hall show. Lightning striking. A column of North Korean soldiers goose-stepping. Doves scattering. Nightly news footage of Rodney King getting beat on. A wave crashing. Osama Bin Laden talking in a cave. George W. Bush hitting a golf ball. A one shot of a horse running, as if in place. 

Etcetera. 

Then after a couple of minutes of that the music changed again. At last, this track had lyrics, recited in vocal staccato over an illegally-sampled piano riff by a seventies French new wave jazz composer, punctuated by a women’s scream. 

When I was just a little baby boy my momma used to

Tell me these crazy things

Dude, this playlist sucks.

Like Garcia, Grace hated rap. 

Oh, I like this song. 

Kitty, on the other hand, loved it.  

Yet another thing she and Billy had in common. Although, he was never an Eminem fan, per se. This on account of ICP had beef with him, dating back to Shady’s days as an aspiring emcee in Detroit, from where Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope also hailed. Things escalated to the extent of Em including a skit on his masterwork sophomore album depicting the duo performing oral sex on Ken Kaniff, a recurring character in the Marshall Mathers Extended Universe. One who exists exclusively as a device for engaging in homosexual acts with Eminem’s rap rivals, thus implying that they are, in fact, gay.   

The track playing currently in the yurt, Kill You, was cited specifically by Lynn Cheney, she the wife of Dick, in a Senate committee hearing on violence in youth popular culture. The Second Lady invoked the killings at Columbine High School, calling on Seagrams, the spirits conglomerate that also distributes music, including titles by Eminem and shock rocker Marylin Manson, who was reputedly a favourite of the Columbine shooters, to take responsibility for the irreparable harm their product inflicts upon young minds. I fully understand your duty to shareholders, she said, but can that duty be defined in purely economic terms? Aren't many of your shareholders women, who are demeaned by some of the music you distribute? Aren't many of them parents, who shudder at the debased and violent culture that Seagram is helping create?  

The visual narrative changed along with the soundtrack. Now it was grainy home video, shot on a handheld camcorder in all likelihood. Or at least, the colors were undersaturated in just such a way. It was footage of a young Hildy, cradling a baby, presumably Billy. A lesser woman would’ve been embarrassed to be caught like this in memorex amber, what in all her awkward nineties-ness. Not Hildy. She had Princess Diana’s style with Jennifer Aniston’s hair. And how she doted over this tiny angel. Pinching his cheeks, bopping his nose, blowing a raspberry on his cute little tummy. All the while laughing like a banshee. Sure she was showing off, but in a sweet, subtle way. Probably for the cameraman, presumably Billy’s proud papa.

She used to tell me my daddy was an evil man

She used to tell me he hated me

The film of Hildy and her baby was then interspersed with her other — much more successful — baby, Dr. Lupustein. First from his breakthrough commercial, breaking his Hippocratic oath by eating the woodland creatures who sought his care. But also clips from his whirlwind New York City publicity tour. Presiding as an honorary judge at the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Throwing out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium. 

Back to Hildy now. This time she’s decidedly less flirty with the man behind the camera. You can tell she doesn’t want to be filmed right now by the way she holds her hand to the lens and mouths, please, I really don’t want to be filmed right now. Billy, before angelic, is now crying. There’s no sound but you can see how loud he is wailing. 

Back to Lupustein, now joining the Late Show with David Letterman to list the Top 10 Signs You May Need A New Doctor.

Number Ten: The waiting room has a hostess. 

Number Nine:  The intake form asks for your height, weight and which part of your body you think would taste the best. 

Number Eight: Some of the other patients seem to be marinating. 

Number Seven: The nurse reads your body temperature off as medium rare. 

Number Six: Instead of an examination table, you’re sitting on a cutting board. 

Number Five: Is it just me or is it hot in here? 

Number Four: The doctor orders some additional testing and a side salad.  

Number Three: His white coat says Kiss the Cook. 

Number Two: According to the diploma on his wall, your doctor went to medical school at Johns Hopkins & Wales. Number One: He tells you to drop your pants but, hey, he’s not even wearing any.

Hildy has had it now. Distractedly cradling in one arm Billy, still crying, and in t’other a glass of red wine with quite a generous pour. Not even bothering to acknowledge the camera in her face. Why is he even filming anyway? Perhaps for evidence in the inevitable custody dispute. 

Dr. Lupenstein on Total Request Live with Carson Daly and Christina Aguilera, who’s making bedroom eyes at him. 

But then I got a little bit older

And I realized she was the crazy one

The camera is sitting low now, possibly on a coffee table. There’s no one in the room except for Billy, who’s on the floor playing with a Tiffany rattle and a Phillips head screwdriver. At least he’s not crying anymore. Hildy, however, is. She enters from stage left, backing up toward the door, shouting at someone just out of frame. Whoever this poor bastard is, she’s reading him the riot act. Just really letting him have it. 

 Dr. Lupustein on the Today Show, making beer-butt chicken with Matt Lauer and Al Roker. Katie Couric is off-camera, asking the producer for his pager number.

A man enters the picture. His profile is obscured by the buffalo head, which he carries over his shoulder. In his left hand is a likeness of Dr. Lupustein in neon effigy. The man walks past Hildy. He turns to tell her this is the last time. 

Who’s that? Grace asked.

I don’t know, replied Zeke. Ben Affleck? 

I fucking knew it! 

The Mick couldn’t resist.

The man, of course, was Hank. 

Kitty had also known. By now wasn’t it kind of obvious? Although, whereas Mick had just assumed — albeit with some basis — that if something was going wrong, Hank was somehow to blame, Kitty had known since the moment she had laid eyes on Billy in Baby. They didn’t look at all alike — even Hildy’s genes were dominant — except that they were of a similar countenance. Which is to say they had an air of mischief about them. Call it what you like — a twinkle in their fucking eye. But Kitty recognized the quality for its absence in Mick. He used to possess it in droves, but the bastards had driven it out of him.  

But there was nothing I could do or say to try to change it

'Cause that's just the way she was

When Hank left, the screen went blue. Likewise the music stopped. In its place clapped thunder and rang a church bell. A wolf howled. 

Suddenly the smoke started billowing again. The Mick could see it was coming from under a computer desk. It was obviously a fog machine, but the fog was marijuana scented. Looking back up, he saw awe struck on Kitty’s face. Following her gaze around he found the body of Billy, now convulsing, in the throws of seizure. As if it he had been possessed. It shook and shook, slackening the hangman’s rope like an out-of-control garden hose. However, the limbs remained stiff, indicating the onset of rigor mortis. 

What the fuck, dude! 

Grace said it best. 

Without warning, the canvas walls of the yurt fell around them. Like they were being revealed in a magic show. The roof remained in place, but at once, Billy stopped shaking. Now his body twisted, like a disco ball. On either side of them were two riders on a dirt bike and an ATV, but smaller. Both their faces were obscured by those cool helmets with the face guards and goggles with sick-ass, fire-mirrored lenses. They even had jerseys and body armor that matched Wolffenbeir-branded mounts. 

They commenced circling the yurt, menacingly. The one on the bike popped a couple of wheelies. The Newfy four for their part weren’t necessarily scared. More disturbed. Or maybe just bummed out. Still they stayed put. If only for the fear of being errantly run over by one of these lunatics. 

Perhaps picking up on that they weren’t getting much of a rise out of their audience, the junior biker gang stopped their engines. The one on the two-wheeler took off his helmet. Bet you five bucks it was Billy. 

Hey, where’s my mom?

She bailed. 

Grace again. She was emerging as the unofficial spokesperson for the group.

Already? For real? 

Yup. 

Well, how long was she here? 

Probably like, what, five minutes? Long enough to give a weird speech. 

Yeah, she do be doing that shit. Well did she at least seem sad? 

Yeah, sure. Maybe more disappointed. 

Word. Huh.  

That’s some pretty sick shit, faking your suicide for your mother. 

Right though? Thanks, yo. 

Wasn’t a compliment. So who you got hanging up there anyway?

Oh, that’s my just uncle’s sex doll. It vibrates. My homie Yayo-L here helped me string her up.

They turned to look at the one on the ATV, who had removed his helmet and was waving at them in sheepish acknowledgment. 

Ay Yay, help me get her down right quick. Shit’s Japanese. Mad expensive. Ernie will flip his shit if we break her. 

So what then, is Hank your dad? 

Who’s ass is Hank?

Confusingly, Billy said Hank in a voice that approximated a black person’s crude impression of a white person. 

The guy in the video? 

Oh him? I guess so. Hildy never told me his name. She been saying for the longest I was a test tube baby. But I seen these movies. I was looking through Ernie’s old-school porno collection one time and that tape was mixed in there with them. So I wanted to show Hildy to be like, I know I got a dad. That’s why I wrote that rhyme and produced that fire music video. Props to Yayo for doing all the editing and directing. He storyboards the sexual harassment training videos for Wolffenbeir, so you already know he’s got mad skills. All that montage shit? Bombs and all different animals. Psht. Stop playing. Spike Lee, holler atchya boy. 

So this was all just a put on. First you faked your own kidnapping. And when that didn’t work you faked your own death.  

I really don’t know, yo. But I do been wanting to fake my death for the longest. It’s such a power move. On some Tupac, Elvis-ass shit.

What’s your next move then, Machavelli? 

Ah. Was curiosity getting the best of the Mick after all? 

I. Don’t. Know. How many times I got to tell y’all. What’s up with all these wack questions anyway? Isn’t that the whole point of making everybody think you’re dead? It puts the ball in their court.

Billy exaggeratedly pointed his index finger to his temple, as if to indicate that he was thinking on some other level, which indeed he was, albeit not a higher one by any means. 

He’s freestyling, as Yayo-L explained. You just got to let him go. 

Do I?

Yeah, you kind of do. 

Yayo-L said that in the least smart-ass, and most matter-of-fact manner possible. As if to say, it really do be like that. Because in his experience, it do. 

Sorry, who are you?

Hey, nice to meet you. I’m Raj.  

All his homies call him Yayo-L. 

Billy calls me that. You can just call me Raj. 

By now Raj and Billy had gotten the Japanese sex doll down from the gallows. They removed Bertha and the bespoke tracksuit to reveal an eerily lifeless-like form. She was arranged like a period-accurate, Wild West prostitute, with her auburn hair done in a messy bun and red dirt smeared in with her caked-on makeup. Billy was putting back on her frilly dress, distressed just so, back on over her long john britches.  

Shit’s crazy, right. He’s got a bunch of them but this one’s his bottom bitch, he says. Don’t fuck Prudence, Billy, he always be telling me, all serious. Any of the others, but not her. Psht. You already know I tapped that ass. Haha, nah, I’m just playing.

Did you know your mom tried to buy our brewery today? 

Nah … For real though?

Yes. 

Whoa — wait — she did? For how much? 

Billy and the Mick were both taken aback by Kitty’s news. 

I don’t know I didn’t look. 

Look at what?

She did the thing where you write the offer on a piece of paper and slide it across the table. I Just put it in my pocket. 

Damn … that’s kind of tight. Props to Hildy on that one. I know we got our differences but sometimes she does some baller ass shit. 

Hey, Kitty, what the hell? Why didn’t you tell me? 

I don’t know. I was going to. I was worried you’d accept. 

Well, obviously. 

Mike, don’t say that. 

What do you mean? This is it! This is our exit! 

What do you mean, exit? Do you even know?

Kitty, you know what I mean. 

No, I guess I don’t. I don’t want to exit. I want to stay. I’m happy here. 

Zeke and Grace, who had never once seen Kitty and Mick argue like this, looked on in mild astonishment. Of course, like any lovers they had their occasional quarrels, but they weren’t the type to air it out in mixed company.

Kitty, just show me the offer. Come on, please. 

She removed it from her back pocket and held it out to him, still folded. 

Aye let me see real quick first. Maybe I can match that shit. 

Billy jumped between them and intercepted the hand-off. The Mick rolled his eyes as Billy looked down at the number. Then he looked back at Mick, then Kitty. Then back down. Then he stuck the piece of paper in his mouth and began to chew, vigorously. 

Oh you gotta be kidding me.  

Deals off, bitch, Billy mumbled back to the Mick with a mouth full of paper. 

Whatever, it’s not like that’s a contract. We can just ask your mom. K, did she leave you a card or something to call her back? 

Wait, wait. Hold up, wait. 

Billy coughed as he choked down the last bits of cardstock, which actually had been Hildy’s business card, hat she’d written the offer on the back of. 

Aight, aight, aight. Let’s negotiate this shit. Just please don’t call my mom. 

No. We’re not negotiating. 

Well, hold on, let’s hear him out. 

Goddamnit, Kitty! What the hell’s gotten into you? Why do you want to keep pulling on this yarn? 

I don’t know Mick! Maybe because I’m fucking pregnant.

Mick took a moment to let this marinade. 

By that, did you mean, you May Be pregnant? Or, maybe I’m acting irrationally because I am, in fact, Pregnant? 

Good one. I Am Pregnant. Presently. 

Are You Sure? 

Yes. 

Well … I think that’s great. 

Don’t get too excited. But, really? 

Of course. We’ve talked about this. That we always wanted to have one-to-two kids someday. We’ll figure out how to afford it.  

Oh, god. Don’t say it like that! And I know we talked about wanting one-to-two kids, one day down the line, but I thought maybe this was too soon to start? Or just not the right time. You’ve been so depressed lately. Since Hank left. Before, even. Like the life we had wasn’t enough. You even said it felt like the walls were closing in a bit. And we were already tight on space. Where are we gonna fit the nursery. 

Ideally, for Mick and Kitty’s sake, this scene would have taken place in private. They were both, after all, intensely private people. However, some conversations are so overdue there’s no telling when, where or whom in front of they’re going to, erupt. It just so happened this particular one sparked up in the middle of a Wednesday on an out-of-work dude ranch with an audience of four not including the Japanese sex doll.

As for those bystanders, whose culpability varied, we’ve all been a party to that occasional awkward moment, and there are a range of available coping mechanisms. You can certainly lean in. Zeke, for his part, was rapt, hanging on their every word. Grace, for whose hunger took precedence, found a reprieve in the form of some beef jerky she forgot she had in her fanny pack. Yayo-L, or Raj as he’s now known, politely carried on with breaking down the staged suicide, coiling the rope and pushing aside the gallows, paying no undue attention to this intimate tête-à-tête. Billy, meanwhile, was filming it on his camera phone, not so subtly whispering, World Star. 

The Mick didn’t have a good answer for Kitty. He had been a real stick in the ass lately. And a lousy partner as a result. There’s no denying it. But that didn’t explain Kitty dragging out this bull shit with Billy. 

 Okay, you’re right. I’ve been a real bummer lately. I have felt stuck, and maybe even a little trapped. But that’s not you. It’s not us. It’s the brewery. Fuck it, the entire industry. It’s a hobby, honey. Hank had a hobby, and somehow we all got sucked in. It killed Russ. It would’ve killed Hank, had he not got himself killed on account of some other hobby. And here we are, stuck holding the bag. 

Don’t say that. About Hank. 

Oh, give it up, Kit. He’s gone! He’s been gone. All the way gone.

I know that, Mick! But you don’t have to celebrate it! Fuck! 

There goes Kitty swearing again. 

You talk about him like he’s this deadbeat dad. Sorry, Billy. 

All good. 

But he’s not! Not to us! He gave us all this! 

[Gestures around the yurt.]

Maybe those things were a little fucked up. But this is our life. Wouldn’t it be easier to try and like it than throw it away for something, we don’t even know what it is?  

But we do know, Kitty! We do know! Because by some stroke of dumb luck, between Jaime and Billy’s mom, we’ve got people banging down our door to buy us out! 

Buy us out to where! It’s a check, Mick. A few months on the mortgage, maybe! Then what? And don’t you fucking dare say grad school. 

Fuck, I don’t know. Hey G, weren’t you saying your uncle was a fireman? 

A fireman? What are you eight? We’re almost thirty years old, Mike. 

Yeah, he’s just a volunteer anyway. County don’t pay for shit is what I hear. 

You hear that? Grace says county don’t pay for shit. So stop playing daydreaming, David Michael. You’re a brewer. And you can self-deprecate about it all you want, but you make great beer. Maybe that’s a silly thing, but we don’t choose what we’re good at. Beside, you know I would’ve never married a lawyer. And even if it’s not art like Jaime says or big business like Billy here seems to think, who gives a shit? It’s fucking something! 

Every once in a while, maybe only three or four in the six or seven years they’d been together, Kitty said something that would cut Mick right to his core. But she went in steady and sterile, like open heart surgery. So that nothing got knicked on the way in or infected with bitterness. Still, it knocked the wind clear out of him. 

Mick? 

Hold on I’m collecting myself.  

Raj had sparked a J. Grace joined him. 

Okay, fine. I’m a brewer. Then you’re a public school teacher. Admit it, K, you’ve been hurting too recently. That SciTech place is a fucking scam and you know it. And I know it, and Billy’s mom knows it. Everybody knows it except the kids and their poor fucking parents. So I show up to the Newfy in rubber boots every morning for the next thirty years, but you’ve got to go back to West. 

Then the Mick remembered the kid. 

Although, on second thought, let’s stay on that new school healthcare until the baby’s born. And then maybe we call it at one. 

Kitty smiles. Mick sighs in deep relief. And they embrace. Grace coughs. 

Billy, displaying his innate talent for ruining any moment no matter how tender, butted in here.

Hug all you want. This shit ain’t over.  

What do you mean, we? So we’re not for sale. Tell your mom to find some other sucker. 

Psht. You’re the sucker if you think Hildy’s just gonna take No Thank You for an answer. Haven’t you seen Godfather One? She’s Donna Corleone. Make you an offer you can’t pass on. I don’t know why she wants your dusty ass brewery, but she does. And if she wants something, she gets that shit? Ya feel me? 

Sure, Billy. I feel you. But we’re a private company. We don’t have to answer to a board or shareholders. So even your mom and Big Bad Wolffenbeir can’t blow our little house down.

Hey, Billy. Did you see this all-company email that just came through? 

At Raj’s prompting, Billy drew his device. 

Nah, I didn’t get it. 

Zeke also instinctively checked his email. Maybe it is contagious. He also didn’t receive the email in question, although there was a new correspondence awaiting him from Mayor Mockingbird, subject line: Ezekiel, I miss you 

Here, come look. I can’t believe this. It says We’re the ones being acquired, by GloBev. 

Fuck outta here. What’s a GloBev? 

Chinese conglomerate. Duh. 

Here Mick, Kitty and Zeke all looked at Grace, as if to say, how the fuck you know that? 

What? So I do a little day trading. There stock’s en fuego. 

Yep, she’s right. Says so right here. The Beijing-based multinational is set to acquire Wolffenbeir, Inc. and all its holdings, including our newly onboarded subsidiary in the craft space, The New Frontier Brewing Company. 

Whoa. Now what the fuck? I thought you said you turned her down, Kitty? 

I thought I did!

What’d I say? I done told yo asses. My mom is straight gangster.

It doesn’t make any sense. How can you buy something that’s not for sale? 

Fuck if I know. Alls I do know is now we want the same thing. To squash this deal, so you can keep on doing your OG Belgian IPA-ass thing, and I can get up on some newer, cooler shit. No offense. 

Believe me, none taken. 

So what do we are we supposed to do? 

It says here that the merger will be publicly announced tomorrow at Wolffenbeir HQ, during a ceremony presided over by CEO Hildegard Wolff, Mayor Lawrence Mockingbird and special guest, beloved Wolffenbeir mascot emeritus Dr. Lupustein.

That bitch ass. I should have kidnapped that goddamn dog from the jump. 

Wait a second, Zeke thought. 

I think I have an idea!

Seriously?

Seriously. Doubt him though the Mick may have — and at his peril — Zeke, of all people, had had an epiphany. Because while his career in the beer industry had gotten off to an admittedly slow start, on account of his general confusion regarding most matters pertaining to his job as well as the world at large, suddenly he understood something bigger, that no one else in this yurt could begin to fathom. Put simply, he understood that it wasn’t that it’s not about the beer. That was obvious. Even Billy knew as much. The Mick had been hung up on that for years. 

But then what was it, all about? 

Not real estate development like Larry thought. Not tech like Billy. 

Not politics. Not money. 

Not jam bands or rap beefs. 

Not mothers and sons or fathers and uncles. 

Not Jesus or Jah or Joseph Smith or the Jewish Guy.

Not the man on the moon or the wolf howling at him.  

Not social media management or event coordination, although we’re getting warmer. 

But certainly not war and peace or crime and punishment. 

Not love nor hate. 

And above all, it absolutely wasn’t at all about beer. Big or small. 

What it was all about, insofar as it was about anything, was the gray matter, the binding alloy agent that soldered all those spinning tectonic plates. The words that gave them some semblance of lasting meaning. The stories we tell about ourselves. Myths and fables and franchises. 

It was about Content. 

Thus began the end of this saga … 

The Intellectual Property Heist 

or the Great Train of Thought Robbery.