#paes talks

[paesthethyc]

Obv im not promising anything i am NOT a man of commitment but would you guys be interested in a lusopp/usolu fanbook ?

[lawyerlyp]

lmao why is some of my stuff resurfacing 😭😭😭

[jjsanguine]

Pae: Mhok I will actually sell the car you know

Mhok: ok

Pae: ...you want me to sell your sister's car?

Mhok: I mean yeah she loved it like her baby, but she left it and everything else behind on her way to the afterlife so it's whatever

Pae: ...yeah so I'm going to give you more time to think about it

[the-crisscrossed-system]

It’s honestly so hard for us to stay motivated while job hunting, even someone like me who is unaffected by the anxiety of it still loses the drive to actually do the things we need to, which sucks. It’s one of those things I know we need to do, so I’ll do anything I have to to get it done, we need to find a job before we can move, and we need to have some security before we give up our current lease, so it’s a lot of moving parts, but I can’t stay motivated to do it. I have to do a little bit at a time which isn’t helpful, but it’s the best I can do at this point. Our partner and I are so tired of this current town, apartment, we want to move on, but that means making this happen. I just hope I get the one job I’m actually excited about, that would be fantastic.

[gorillawithautism]

.

[joja-galaxy]

"I may be a monster, but if you cut me, I'll bleed. And if you break my heart, Pae, you'll break me. so, if even a sliver of your soul longs for mine, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve it."

The way this quote have tow side one that makes you feel so broken and similar.

"I may be a monster, but if you cut me, I'll bleed. And if you break my heart, Pae, you'll break me."

Every time he calls himself a monster, a beast, I just want to hug him and treat him right.

What I love about this part is that he's technically saying that even monsters have a heart and blood, which is something that is never shown in books or shows. He's technically saying, "No matter how dark you think I'm, I'm still human after all."

I wrote something like it before "Why do you always assume the worst of me? I have a heart and a soul too, you know."

I love how my writing and lauren make people understand that no matter how we think of our self or how others do, we still are like them, just shown in an aggressive way.

.......

Then we have the other part that makes your heart melt for the man he is for her.

" If even a sliver of your soul longs for mine, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve it."

He promises to love her even if she doesn't commit to him fully. All he asks in return is a gleam of her love.

I want to talk about the use of the word "deserve" in this quote and others in the book, when lauren uses this word as to say that he doesn't want to own her soul forcefully but rather work on himself for her, to have a small part of her.

The use of the word "silver" she used it instead of "gleams" or "small part." She chose this word because she also wants to show that he is longing for a spatial part, not just a part of her soul. Because silver is one of the metals that is rare and spatial in its own way, not to mention it's what she is known by "the silver saviour," her grey "silver" hair.

I love those little parts in writing that make the quote even more beautiful and special to me

[readingwiththestars]

₊˚⊹♡ RECKLESS

["it's a good thing you're not here, because i still havent found my courage."]

| ✮ 4.5 stars |

THOUGHTS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [spoilers ahead]

okayyy let me just start off with WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK WAS THAT ENDING LAUREN???? i'm not okay because of it. like nuh uh get lost. u had no right to do that (im saying this as if it didnt get spoiled for me and i didnt gaslight myself the entire book read that it wasn't going to happen)

i would like to straight up say this seemed like a filler book. just a set up for the next one, it didn't really have all too much plot-wise aside from pae and kai's romance. it was less on the fantasy side and more on the romance but i still enjoyed it a lot. and obviously since it was a filler book there was less character development (for some- im looking at you paedyn)

kai and pae were really cute in this book honestly (and as it mostly focuses on the romance ofc they were) the banter and everything was so wonderful to read i was giggling and kicking my feet wayyy to much. the romance was romancing but also not romancing at the same time (im not even gonna try to explain that just use vibes)

i do feel as though lauren's writing has definitely improved from powerless. she has this whimsical magical style of writing that i love it really takes me into the world of the book (mostly). other times the long sentences were too much in moments. like lauren. we did not need to know the colour of the bricks in the market at this certain moment in time when you'd already explained the colour two pages ago-

CHARACTERS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

paedyn - ok i love her. i really do she's such a good fmc BUT for me in this book she was boring-ish. and hella indecisive like girly pop if i had kai talking to me like that i'd be folding so damn fast- but yeah it felt like she didn't have too much character development aside from finding out her dad was actually her dad. also i idk who the fuck she was trying to fool with her 'i hate you' to kai, like be fucking for real bitch no you dont.

kai - ok bye i could write a whole rant on why i love this man. like im sat. this book felt more like kai's book (as powerless felt like pae's) imo we got more on his backstory and i think his character (and povs) were more interesting for me to focus on. also his flirting and little one liners had me giggling and shit my sister actually woke up to me grinning like an idiot under torch light-

kitt - bye idek why i made this section for him. this is going to entirely be hate fr. OKAY WE GET IT DUDE UR A GHOST WHATEVER. OH MY GOSH U MISS UR DAD BUT IN THE NEXT POV U DONT LIKE BITCH CHOOSE A SIDE IDC ABT UR WHINY ASS. ALSO U CLEARLY HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH PAEDYN LIKE FUCKING HELL DUDE SHE IS UR 'MUSE' OR WHATEVER GET OVER YOURSELF. EUGH AND THEN PROPOSING TO HER?? YEAH SURE BUDDY "YOUR FEELINGS FOR HER DIED" MHM YUP OKAY TOTALLYYY *clears throat awkwardly* can you tell i hate him?

QUOTES ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [its like all kai... im not even sorry about it either]

"you are my proof of paradise." - kai

"call us even. call me crazy. i don't care. just... just call me yours." - kai

"under different curcumstances i promise you im much more fun tied up." - kai (WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREECHED AND STARED AT THE PAGE. MALAKAI AZER-)

"just pae and kai." - kai

"she was supposed to be my forever. now i'll watch her become someone else's. because the beast doesn't get the beauty." - kai

jahsdgj i can't wait for the next book hehe

[thecomfywriter]

Can you talk more about dad Alan?

hi hello welcome to the bonus day of christmas asks. bonus day because i miscalculated oops.

okay! dad alan! i actually have quite a bit to say about this. and since this is spoiler edition, buckle in…

day one of TCW 12 days of christmas—alan as a dad [CoS Spoilers]

okay so this should be fun to answer, mainly because i’m actively writing this part of the story right now. alan as a dad is interesting, mainly because you can see how hard he’s trying to be a good one despite their circumstances. you have to remember (i don’t think you’re acc at this part yet, bun bun, but you’ll get there soon enough): alan’s dream in life is to have a family. a nice, small, intimate family that he can spend time with and love wholeheartedly. he wants that so bad because there were certain aspects of his own childhood that were so isolating. in a way, he’s almost seeking to rectify those mistakes and be a better father than his own father was. to lose the formality and to just have a family that he feels loved by and that he can love. AND THEN THE ENDING OF SAI HAPPENS AND ALL THAT GOES DOWN THE DRAIN.

i’m gonna tag @wyked-rebellion in this response because now that i’m actually writing cos, i realize i was describing and having alan act out of character. i already described this to pae pae , but there was a big plot hole in cos that needed resolving, and now that ive actually fixed it, alan and caramel are both acting in character and have appropriate responses to the event that as occurred.

pre-that event, alan is slightly distant with his children, but never cold. he avoids them at times, but for a very deliberate and specific reason—he doesn’t want them to see/meet his alter ego. he’s scared of scaring them, or worse, his alter ego hurting/traumatizing them in any way. so whenever he loses the mental battle against his silver eyes, he avoids his entire family and self isolates. but his children don’t understand that, so all they see if “dad doesn’t like me, that’s why he doesn’t spend time with me.”

it’s quite pitiful, really.

anyway… it causes a bit of a hot and cold relationship as a result. when he’s around his children, all his attention is theirs. he’s doting, he’s kind, he’s caring, he’s attentive, he dedicates himself to them. but then, of nowhere, he’ll disappear and refuse to answer them or any of their requests to spend time with him. because if he answers, it won’t really be HIM answering.

AFTER the incident with evan happens, the way alan tries to help evan through it is well meaning, and he has good intentions, but it’s just not what evan needed. alan is trying to empathize with evan’s situation, but he ends up projecting instead and mishandling it altogether. he tells evan to open up to him and to talk to him about it so that he’s not bottling it up inside, but then he refuses to let evan talk to anyone else about it because “people meddling with your mind is how we got in this situation.” in his eyes, he’s protecting evan from more harm. but he’s only restricting him in all the ways that alan’s father had restricted HIM growing up.

regardless, alan as a dad is sweet when he’s able to be present. but he’s also a bit of a sad case. because you can tell, as much as he tries to be a good father to his children, the ending of sai ruined any opportunity for that to ever be the case.

thanks for the ask, bun bun!

i’m tagging the tag list because oop—

@wyked-ao3 @an-indecisive-nerd @drchenquill

@paeliae-occasionally @theink-stainedfolk @inseasofgreen

@thelovelymachinery @the-letterbox-archives @illarian-rambling

@bunnymermaidwrites @the-golden-comet @sm-writes-chaos

@leahnardo-da-veggie

i forget everyone else oops sorry

[putschki1969]

KEIKO Planetarium Live〜Starry Night〜 & Chocolate meating#3〜Starry Night edition〜 Live Report

I experienced so many amazing things during my recent Japan trip but for some reason, this special planetarium event left the most lasting impression so that's why I wanted it to be the topic of my first live report. Below you'll find an abundance of fangirling and mindless blabbering so please brace yourselves! The post will be divided into the following sections to make it easier for you to get through.

General Info

Preface

Merchandise

Venue

Performance

Fan Club Exclusive Part

General Info

Instagram post by Keiko | Tweet by Keiko | Tweet by Yuriko

『KEIKO Planetarium Live ~Starry Night~』 [Date] Sunday, December 17, 2023 [Time] Open 14:30 / Start 15:00 [Ticket fee] 8,000 yen (tax included) [Venue] Konica Minolta Planetaria TOKYO DOME1

FC Exclusive 『Chocolate meating #3 ～Starry Night edition～』 [Date] Sunday, December 17, 2023 [Time] Open 17:00 / Start 17:30 [Ticket fee] 8,500 yen (tax included) ※FC exclusive benefit included [Venue] Konica Minolta Planetaria TOKYO DOME1

Preface

When this was first announced I was devastated because at that time, my trip to Japan was scheduled to end on Dec 14th. But with both Wakana and Keiko announcing solo performances after that day, I was determined to find a way to extend my stay. Initially, I was hesitant because I knew there was no way to change my return flight. I would ultimately lose a significant amount of money and on top of that, I would have to book a new one-way return ticket for a later date which would cost me a fortune as well. After considering all my pros and cons, I ultimately decided to go through with the whole thing because I knew I would probably hate myself forever if I didn't use that opportunity. Of course it also hinged upon whether or not I would manage to get a ticket for the fan club performance in the evening. I knew my chances were super slim due to the tiny venue (~100 people) but luckily, I won a ticket. At that point I knew that I had no excuses not to go XD This is by far one of he craziest and most irrational things I've ever done so for some time I was afraid that I would end up with horrible regrets but I am happy to report that it was worth every penny for me. Not only was Wakana's concert amazing, these two Keiko performances absolutely blew me away with their intimate nature and unique atmosphere. Can you believe that this was actually the first time for me to attend a Keiko solo event? I had purchased streaming tickets for all of her online lives of course but I had never been to an on-site event. And for a while now, I have been asking myself if I would even enjoy a one-man live like that since - as we all know - I am not particularly fond of a lot of her solo releases but, lo and behold, my love for Keiko and her music was 100% reaffirmed. I am so glad that I took the plunge, I couldn't be more grateful to have been able to be there for this amazing experience. On this note, I wanna give a big shout-out to my friend Pae who encouraged me from the get-go to come to the event and who got our tickets for the day performance. It was a general sale on a first come-first serve basis and she really knocked it out of the park with her professional ticket purchasing skills. I definitely could never have done it that quickly so kudos to her. Here's a picture of little old me, Pae and her friend from Thailand.

Merchandise

I wanna take a few moments to talk about the live goods because I am utterly smitten with everything. The acrylic stands and the block are particularly pretty but I am also obsessed with the polaroids. I almost couldn't contain myself and since they didn't have any limits as to how many pieces one person could buy, I naturally went all out. Don't worry, I didn't buy that much since I was still reeling from how expensive it was to extend my trip. Also, I was one of the first few people in line so it would have been rude to buy an excessive amount, there were a ton of other fans around after all, they obviously also wanted to buy a lot of merch. While they prepared plenty of the random polaroid magnets, they unfortunately didn't really bring enough of the acrylic stuff. By the end of the day performance, the acrylic stands were already completely sold out and after the evening performance, the acrylic block was gone too. I guess that means that even if we get an online sale at one point, they will only sell the tote bag and the magnets...or maybe they'll produce another batch of all the acrylic items...We'll have to wait and see...I could see myself buying some more polaroids if they become available online. I only got two pieces with a handwritten message by Keiko so it would be nice to have more. But they are not exactly cheap so I'll have to think about it.

Venue

The venue was...not what I had expected XD. The pictures online of Konica Minolta Planetaria are a bit misleading but I guess that's because they only ever feature Dome 2 and not Dome 1 which is significantly smaller and doesn't have any of the fancy seats. Our seats were little more than reclining beach chairs with a little table but oh well, I didn't come there to be seated comfortably so it didn't bother me too much. At the end of the day, it was a good thing that the dome was so tiny because it made everything feel so much more intimate. And let me tell you, when I say intimate, I mean intimate. I've never ever been this close to Keiko (and I've had my fair share of close encounters with her). There were no assigned seats for the performances, everyone just had a number on their ticket and we were allowed to enter the dome in order of that number. As mentioned earlier, Pae was super fast getting our tickets so we ended up with the numbers 5 to 7, meaning that for the day performance I got a seat right at the front with a clear view of Keiko. There was no stage or anything, just a bit of basic equipment, some microphones and two stools. This meant that there was barely any space between the front row and the artist area (1 metre maybe). Needless to say, I spent the entire time looking at Keiko XD. I almost felt a bit bad because I was missing out on the lovely projections but to be fair, it was actually quite hard to get a good view of them this close to the front so the best option for me was to just stare at Keiko. During the break I bought myself a yummy galaxy donut which was almost too pretty to eat but at that point I was starving so I literally devoured it. For the FC exclusive evening performance I wasn't nearly as lucky when it came to my number. I got #71 so I ended up in one of the last rows unfortunately. From the first performance I knew that Keiko would be entering from the back door on the left side and walk through the audience so I at least made sure to take a seat close to the door so she would walk right past me (which she did so YAY but more on that later). On another positive note, the seat in the back made it possible for me to get fully immersed in the projections without being too distracted by Keiko. It was truly breathtaking to see all these space-themed vivid images across the ceiling.

Performance

It feels like I have already talked so much about the whole thing but I haven't mentioned a single thing about the actual performances so let me rectify that. I've already alluded to it in the beginning of this post, Keiko was absolutely stunning and I am obviously not just talking about her looks. Her vocals were out of this world, every single song of the setlist flattered her so much, there was not a single misplaced note as far as I could tell. Due to the nature of the event, it was of course a very understated performance, there was no wild movement or crazy choreography, it was just Keiko standing/sitting there being illuminated by the tiniest of lights, just enough to still see her but never enough to distract from the visuals. After all, the main focus were supposed to be the projected images and for the most part, that was the case. Only occasionally they would shine some more light on Keiko (mostly during MCs). As you can see below, the setlist was full of ballads and OMG, I couldn't have been happier about that. She sang almost all my faves so I was pretty much in heaven for the first half of the live. Almost started crying during 通り雨 because it was painstakingly beautiful. キミガネムルカラ and 夕顔 were also true gems to experience live, so haunting and mystic. She brought out her brand new guitar for songs #4 to #6 and while I have never been the biggest fan of acoustic guitars, Keiko really managed to make me fall in love with the sound. Both her and her guitarist did a fantastic job arranging and performing these tracks. Also, I was quite surprised to hear Yas Nakajima provide backup vocals for Keiko during Burn In The Wind, their voices match perfectly.

The cover section was admittedly a bit of a let-down for me since the chosen songs are not exactly among my favourites. That's not to say that I didn't enjoy myself or that Keiko didn't deliver the songs flawlessly, it's just that I don't really care all that much for the songs themselves. There were some really gorgeous high notes though so I really can't complain. Speaking of covers, I was super hyped when Keiko announced that she would be singing 風の街へ, a self-cover of her first FictionJunction KEIKO work. I had a feeling she would maybe sing it (since it's obviously a perfect fit for this sort of atmosphere) but Pae kept telling me that it probably wouldn't be happening. Glad I was right about that. During the MC, Keiko was talking about her upcoming single 夕闇のうた so for a while I was sure she would just sing that but she ultimately did not perform it. We got to hear the full version a few days earlier at Kaji Fes. so I wasn't too disappointed that it didn't make it onto the setlist of the planetarium live (also, if I am being honest, the song hasn't really grown on me yet so it's not like I'm dying to hear it again and again). Instead, she chose the song that marked the very beginning of Keiko's journey together with Yuki Kajiura and really, I can never get enough of it. It's one of my very favourite YK x Keiko collaborations and it's always such a pleasure to hear it live. It was only my second time so I couldn't have been more grateful. The final three songs were a nice change of pace with more involvement from the audience and more focus on Keiko rather than the projections. I certainly didn't expect ラテ to make an appearance but with the pretty lights, it worked surprisingly well. The whole thing had a very futuristic feel to it if you know what I mean. ユア has slowly been growing on me and it's just such a feel-good song that I cannot stop vibing with it (similar to Wakana's Happy Hello Day actually). The ending was beyond epic, エンドロール is such a cool song. I just wish I had known the lyrics so I would have been able to sing along properly (I have zero skills when it comes to memorising lyrics) . Keiko tried to prepare us with a few test-runs but I kept mixing up some lines T_T Oh well, I had a blast so that's all that counts! The one thing I felt kinda sad about was the fact that we didn't get an encore but I guess they had to keep the performance short...?

M-1キミガネムルカラ M-2夕顔 M-3通り雨 M-4夜の嘘と M-5Lost M-6Burn In The Wind M-7駅 by 竹内まりや (Cover) M-8ルビーの指環 by 寺尾聰 (Cover) M-9秋桜 by 山口百恵 (Cover) M-10風の街へ (Self-Cover) M-11ラテ M-12ユア M-13エンドロール

Fan Club Exclusive Part

When I entered the dome for the fan club exclusive evening performance, I was given a large envelope by a staff member containing a message card by Keiko. The scan above features the picture which makes up one half of the card. So pretty! (Please keep in mind that this is fan club exclusive!) As mentioned earlier, I had a seat pretty far in the back during this performance, I was still close enough to have a good view of Keiko but I decided to focus on the projections this time around since Keiko jokingly mentioned a couple of times that she felt so many eyes on her and that we should try to enjoy the gorgeous view above as well. With the way she said it, I could tell that she wasn't annoyed or angry about it but she genuinely just wanted us the get the most out of the experience. And yeah, I have to admit, it was amazing to just lean back and watch the gorgeous space visuals while being gently wrapped by Keiko's vocals. Also, for some weird reason, the seats in the back were much more comfortable than the ones in the front row so that made it a lot easier to just relax. The setlist was the exact same and Keiko's performance was just as good. There were some technical issues with the projections at one point so the staff asked Keiko to take a little break and entertain the audience for a while so they could fix the problem. Keiko was really cute during this section because she struggled to come up with something to talk about. All her other MCs had been rather short and straight-to-the-point so there wasn't really anything to talk about. She even admitted that it was quite hard for her to just talk to an audience without having anyone on stage with her to create a sort of a back and forth. Unfortunately, her guitarist was pretty useless in that regard since he didn't feel comfortable at all talking XD Keiko ended up blabbering on and on about the most random stuff and eventually talked a bit about the guitar arrangement for 秋桜 which she found quite impressive. After they had fixed the issue, we went back to the regular program for a couple of songs until Keiko announced that it was time for some special games since this was a fan club event after all. First, we played a few rounds of a Maru-Batsu-Quiz (True-or-False-Quiz). They had prepared some Keiko-trivia questions. Everyone was asked to stand up and with every question people either answered with "true" (fist) or "false" (open hand). Those who answered incorrectly had to sit down so fewer and fewer people remained standing as time went by. Some of the questions were a bit tricky so all you could do was guess. Unfortunately, I wasn't one of the lucky winners at the end. Although I will say that these games are mostly based on trust since you can always pretend to have made the correct gesture or change your gesture in the right moment (it's hard to verify stuff like that). There were a handful of guys who won the first two rounds, they got to walk towards the front and Keiko gave them a little present (some snack souvenirs from the most recent Asia tour-leg, nothing too exciting). Then we were all surprised because for one round the last person standing happened to be none other than Yuriko Kaida. Turns out she had been sitting right behind me all this time (her seat was the closest one to the back door in the very last row). I did not expect her to actually collect her prize (especially since Keiko mentioned that Yuriko had gotten the exact same souvenir in Taiwan) but she did. It was a treat seeing them interact like that. They are so funny together and it was during those moments that you could immediately tell that Keiko became so much more relaxed and talkative once she had someone on-stage with her who she felt comfortable with. As a final game, we did one round of rock-paper-scissors which once again, I wasn't lucky enough to win but I guess it just wasn't meant to be T_T

When the show was over, Keiko walked through the audience towards the door in the back and that's when my seat choice really paid off. She got super close to the people who had an aisle seat, she made eye contact, waved at us and even did little high fives with the one or the other female fan who dared to initiate a gesture like that (of course I didn't because I am too chicken-shit for that). Once Keiko was gone, Yuriko was also ushered outside. Some of us were still hopeful that we would get an encore, especially since they had closed the exit again but alas we didn't get one. However, we were all in for a special treat when it was time to finally get up and leave. When they started playing the usual after-live announcement it was obvious that there wouldn't be an encore so I took my stuff and headed towards the back door which a staff member was just about to open. That's when I realised that Keiko was standing right outside the door, waiting for the audience members to give each one of us a private send-off. This is a common occurrence with fan club events in Japan but I've never had it happen with Keiko before so this was super special. Also, during and even long after the pandemic, situations with close encounters like that were strictly avoided so I didn't really expect them to do a send-off. Seems like we have finally moved past those restrictions! BANZAI! Anyway, I literally froze in place when I saw Keiko standing there because I was scared to be the first one to be greeted by her. I waited a few seconds so a handful of people could walk out before me. This way I was able to observe what other fans were saying to her and how much time the staff allowed each person with Keiko. I know, it probably sounds ridiculous to you but this sort of stuff stresses me out immensely, I prefer to be at least a tiny bit prepared. I was probably the fifth person to walk outside and most people inside the dome were still putting on their clothes or picking up their stuff so there was not really a line behind me or any type of rush. When I got in front of Keiko, we both did the crazy waving thing again while I thanked her for everything. Then I told her that I am always supporting her from Vienna and she was like, "wow, Vienna, so cool!" At that point it would have probably been my turn to step away since I could tell that the staff member next to Keiko was getting antsy and already preparing to ask me to continue walking. But I wanted to use the opportunity to briefly mention my undying love for the beret I had won during a previous fan club event. As you probably all know, this is my most-prized possession. It's a hat previously owned and frequently worn by Keiko herself, she signed it and even wrote my name on it before shipping it out to me. Being as obsessed with Kalafina fashion as I am, I really couldn't have asked for a better gift. Squeezing all those emotions into a single sentence or two was very hard but I tried my best. I had forgotten how to breathe at that point and my voice was getting super weird. I pointed at my hat and hoped that she would even remember that she had given it away. Then I all but squeaked out how grateful I was to win it and that I would treasure it all my life. She also pointed at it with clear recognition on her face (thank God or it would have been embarrassing XD) and told me with the brightest of smiles, "ah yes, yes, I know, that's amazing, I am so happy for you!" Needless to say, that almost killed me 💀I definitely ascended to another plane of existence that day. I didn't wanna push my luck any further so with a final wave I kept walking towards the reception area and thus ended my Keiko Planetarium experience. Even hours after the event, I was still reeling from everything that had happened.

My plane was supposed to leave bright and early the following morning so I did not stick around longer than necessary. I said my goodbyes to a couple of fellow fans and then took off. Some of them wanted to invite me to a small after-dinner-party but I just wouldn't have been able to deal with the stress on the eve of my departure.

All right, that's it, hopefully I didn't forget anything and I didn't bore you to death. Kudos to anyone who managed to make it to the end.

PS: I just wanna say that Keiko is the prettiest human being ever. Every time I see her up-close I'm reminded of her other-worldly beauty. Standing right next to her, it doesn't even feel like she is a real person because everything about her looks so smooth and polished, like someone put a filter on top of her XD

[lunars-frogs-owls-2]

This is something I feel like I should talk about that makes me so happy the color combos for the channels it just makes me happy like orange and purple, light blue and green, blue and yellow it just makes me smile like an idiot also I just noticed that the acronym for the puppet and eclipse show was paes like pies hehe pie

[waitmyturtles]

The Old GMMTV Challenge: The Master Post and Explainer

Updated: December 2, 2024

Hello! Welcome to The Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC), my personal syllabus and journey through the most important, and/or impactful, and/or seminal of Boys Love (BL)/Series Y dramas from Thailand.

I started watching Thai BL series in 2022 with the airing of KinnPorsche. From there, I dallied with shows that were referenced across Tumblr -- but I didn't dig into learning about the genre as a whole until I watched 2021-22's Bad Buddy, and was thoroughly moved by it in countless ways.

I subsequently learned that Bad Buddy was, in large part, constructed to communicate with tropes and expectations established previously by the genre. In order to get to a point where I could appreciate Bad Buddy in all of its historic glory, I therefore decided to start from the top -- to watch Thai BLs in chronological order so as to help me better understand the tentacles of this young genre. I was also impacted by a post from a BL Tumblr lifer, @absolutebl, who talked in 2022 about current shows by the GMMTV network, the biggest producer of BL dramas in Thailand, that were answering for mistakes made in the early Thai BL days.

Bad Buddy is a GMMTV show -- but in order to learn fully about the genre, I've created a syllabus of shows and movies that spans well outside the GMMTV network and sphere of influence. In the spring of 2023, I crowdsourced information about Thai BLs from the INCREDIBLE BL community on Tumblr, and came up with the syllabus below.

This syllabus is ever changing, especially as this young genre (which was arguably born in 2014 with the airing of Love Sick) continues to explore itself outside of its male-and-male romance genre boundaries, by centering women and/or non-binary individuals, and even leaving romance behind for horror, suspense, mystery, crime, and more.

Besides watching dramas on this syllabus, I'm also in the process of reading English-language books and articles about the Thai BL genre and its influences in Thailand and across Asia on queer and non-queer communities, as well as on the most marketed-to BL audience in young women. Links to reading materials are below the syllabus.

If you're looking to learn more about BL, this is but one resource to use. There's an incredible community of bloggers here with vastly more knowledge than me about the history of this genre. This is only my path, and I encourage you to explore the corners of Tumblr to create your own Thai BL journey!

The Drama Syllabus and Review/Meta Links

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Love Songs Love Stories: Pae Jai (2015) (Thailand’s first serialized GL) (to be reviewed with GAP the Series) 5) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 6) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 7) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 8) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 9) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 10) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 11) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 12) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 13) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 14) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 15) The Fallen Leaf (2019) (not a BL; adjacent to the project as Thailand’s first lakorn featuring a queer/transgender main character) (watching) 16) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 17) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 18) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 19) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 20) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content at GMMTV) (review here)

21) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 22) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here) 23) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 24) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 25) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 26) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (review here) 27) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 28) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 29) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 30) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here)

31) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 32) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 34) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 35) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: preamble here, part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4) 36) Secret Crush On You (2022) (review here) 37) The Miracle of Teddy Bear (2022) (review coming) 38) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here)  39) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist (part 1 and part 2) 40) Triage (2022) (review coming)

41) Honorable Mention: War of Y (2022) (for the sake of an attempt to provide meta BL commentary within a BL in the modern BL era), with a complementary watch of Aam Anusorn’s documentary, BL: Broken Fantasy (2020) (thoughts here) 42) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 43) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine "Genre BLs," Along With a Critical Take on Branded Ships (review here) 44) Khun Chai/To Sir, With Love (2022) 45) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) (review coming) 46) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023), Coupled with a Speed-Watch of My Love Mix-Up Thailand (2024) to Comment on GMMTV Trying to Make Magic Happen Twice  47) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 48) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 49) La Pluie (2023) (review coming) 50) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon)

51) Wedding Plan (2023) (Recommended as an important trajectory in the course of MAME’s work and influence from TharnType) 52) Only Friends (2023) (tag here) (not technically a BL, but it certainly became one in the end) 53) Last Twilight (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as Thailand’s first major BL to center disability, successfully or otherwise) 54) Cherry Magic Thailand (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as the first major Japanese-to-Thai drama adaptation, featuring the comeback of TayNew) 55) Ossan’s Love Returns (Japan, 2024) (adding for the EarthMix cameo and the eventual Thai remake) 56) 23.5 (2024) (GMMTV’s first GL) (thoughts here) (I am not finished with this show; I will finish it when I get to it on this list)

Additional Reading Material

Dr. Thomas Baudinette, Boys Love Media in Thailand

Dr. Peter Jackson, Queer Bangkok

Intersections: Gender and Sexuality in Asia and the Pacific -- Issue 49, Thai Boys Love (BL)/Y(aoi) in Literary and Media Industries: Political and Transnational Practices, June 2023

(Fandom reference) "Fan Leaders' Control on Xiao Zhan's Chinese Fan Community," Transformative Works and Cultures

(Fandom reference) "Xi Jingping Versus the Stans," Vox

[poetickisscs]

RECKLESS - lauren roberts

rating - ★★★★★

“are poets not just fools with fancy words?”

other books ive read by this author - powerless (★★★★★)

final reading time - ten days SPOILERS

Thoughts ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

lauren roberts, the woman you are oml, how do you manage to make me giggle, throw my book at the wall and sob all with a single book. this book was the book to get me out of a huge huge reading slump, like i hadnt read a book fully since like may before this. first off, the writing was so good 😭 like honestly it was so easy to read and i felt so connected to the characters, pae and kai are literally like my lifeline, i also really enjoyed have kitts pov but i’ll talk more about that later. anyways this book was so good my fav of the whole year (so far!) and i cannot wait for the next one!

Characters ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

paedyn gray

UGH MY QUEEN!!! i love pae so much and shes doesnt deserve anything that happened to her ever, it was really interesting to see how her character developed even more and how the games affected her, i really wish we had gotten a scene from her pov after kitt said he wanted to marry her. pae is such a strong character emotionally and physically and seeing her interactions with kai was making me giggle and kick my feet 🥹

kai azer

kai is literally the most down bad guy i know omg, he was literally thirsting for pae the whole book, anyways reading the last chapter from his pov was actually heart wrenching, like when i tell you i was reading through sobs. one thing i really like about kai’s chapters is that i feel very connected to him for some reason? like i really know how he feels and lauren is great at displaying emotions in her books.

kitt azer

ok the only reason i added him is because i actually was starting to feel really bad for him until he pulled that shit at the end, like i really thought he was gonna get a redemption arc at the end. the whole book i just thought he missed his brother and i really liked him in the first book, BUT NOT ANYMORE I HATE THAT BITCH NOW

[paeliae-occasionally]

pae pae, what is one piece of lore you’ve been gate keeping, and why?

pls go on a tangent

Hello love, sorry this took me a little while to get to. Real life :( but in return you get the longest rant I have ever put on tumblr so I hope you are proud of yourself. (Also why have I been keeping it secret? It just hasn’t come up and it is a whole story so buckle up.)

Lore time…

Ok so the lore we are talking about today is Where are the gods??? There were gods but now they are gone. This is broken into 3 events: The Separation, The Dissolution and The Accords (including magestones)

The Past

In the past there were hundreds of gods who roamed the mortal plane. Gods of elements, life and death travelled there to shape the world as they saw it.

As the world developed, the latent simple components of thought and souls began to settle into creatures of the earth.

This created a race of humans, who were the first beings who had souls yet so little innate energy that it would not sustain their bodies forever.

With the rise of humans, Gods of thought and memory grew in power and purpose as more thinking creatures were formed. They had a whole new domain to weave.

The Separation

At this time any magic done by mortals was cast from their own tiny energy store so was small enough to be unnoticeable. The gods intended to keep them to their small powers so that they could never rival the gods in terms of power.

One of the Eldest gods, Ezemhaziel god of controlled magic, traveled the earth trying to create a new way to control magic, the runes. He found a mortal Rin, who seemed to have a talent for magic and a creativity that could help in his work.

Ez created a bond with Rin to share some of his large energy store between them, this is called a Laren bond. Ez later taught him to cast straight from the world around him, similar to how modern mages cast. The pair grew closer and became almost inseparable.

A group of gods watched in disdain as this mortal gained the ability to cast powerful magic. They hated the idea of the narrowing differences between morals and gods, so they decided to remove the threat to their power. These gods gathered and when Rin next left Ez’s side they drew a group of mortals together to kill him.

Rin was attacked by the mortals. He called out to Ez, who came but the gods held him back, and kept him out of Rin’s sight. Rin was killed by the mob. Ez tried to save him with every power he possessed but could not reach him in time. Ez then cursed the gods and the runes and left the mortal plane.

During the encounter Ez pulled so much magic to himself that he formed a concentrated area of Ike, (magic) so much that the mortals could feel the magic that hung in the air around them. These mortals eventually discovered methods to harness the magic around them and became the first druids. Further down the line they also train the first mages. So despite the gods’ efforts (and largely because of them) the mortals get access to more powerful magic. Even though this is all the other gods’ fault, they blame Ez for creating the magic dense area and summon him to a trial.

In his grief Ez does not return to the world so the gods decide that it is reasonable to kill all mortals who have acquired magic and salt the earth where the collection of magic is.

The gods start to go about enacting this, but many other gods are against the idea of culling mortals. This resentment builds especially in gods who rely on mortals as their domain. Gods of memory, thought, fear, illusions and names stand up for the mortals who act as the medium of their power.

The gods who require mortals and therefore prevent the slaughter called themselves the Azeraad, and the gods with no need for mortal creatures label themselves Dieral.

For generations there is a stalemate with a few gods killing and protecting mortals, but most remaining still to prevent a large scale godly war.

The Dissolution

In the decades while the gods watch each other, mortals develop more innovative and powerful magic and build up mage cities. In their development the mages do not forget the massacres that the early Dieral gods committed and plan revenge. They begin work on becoming immortal to further show their power as equals to the gods. Secretly a group develops weapons to use against immortals.

The mage city of Laith’Seyleren is the centre of immortality research and the forefront of magic development when the Dierals finally take notice.

The Dierals break the stalemate to ensure mortals never discover immortality. They destroy the entire city of Laith’Seyleren utterly, no one survives. The other mage cities don’t even find out until a day later when a group of diplomats teleport into a wasteland of rubble and ash.

After this the Mages and the Azeraad gods declare outright war on the Dierals.

The war rages in the deserts to the north west of the Illeri lands with the dieral gods building temples on the mountains to the east and the mages building tall thin mage towers to the west.

Hundreds of mages die in an altogether uneven battle until one mage Muliva Kazi invents a way to bind gods and trap them in Demi-planes then cut the plane off into the aether beyond. This entirely changes the battle as the gods can now be killed. Even the Azeraad gods who fought with the mages were uncomfortable with these machines.

During the battle, a group of mages and Azeraad gods have been working together to end the war but after Kazi’s machines are invented they gain the support of some minor Dieral gods as well.

One member of this group, Paeliae of Laith’Tielere, plans to carry a peace treaty into the temple of the Dieral god of light who leads their forces.

While Paeliae travels through the desert into the walls of godly defences, Ezemhaziel wakes up. He sees the war and the suffering of the mortals and gods and calls on all of the power he could not reach so many years ago to kill the God of light.

He succeeds and takes the fallen god’s seat in the Dieral hall.

Paeliae finds him there and presents him with the treaty. Ez agrees to negotiations of peace and calls the Dierals and Azeraad gods back from the war to meet.

As soon as these words have left Ez’s mouth Paeliae falls to the ground, broken by journey but fulfilled in his purpose. Ez swears one last promise to remember the fallen mortal.

The Accords (Magestones)

The Gods and a collection of mortal mages gather for peace negotiations after years of war.

A compromise is reached where some magic will be bound away so it can no longer be used by the mages or gods.

Magic was bound in giant engraved rocks called magestones. These were made of a translucent stone that glowed and hummed with power. Bindings ran like water across the surface of the stone keeping the magic contained.

Specifically magic relating to immortality, time, and the type of godly binding that Muliva Kazi invented were all collected in magestones so they could not be used again.

Particular war criminals, both gods and mages were also bound in magestones to appease both sides and as a reminder so that a war on this scale would never happen again.

In exchange for the mages giving up large portions of their magic, the gods who fought in the war agreed to leave the mortal plane and return back to their home planes. While in their home planes they can only help their followers indirectly, I.e. creating bonds that are incredibly weak due to the long distance.

Modern Day

So in the modern day the magestones are well established. Mages are taught about the magic restrictions and a few horror stories of people who tried to perform that magic and were absorbed into the magestones. There are a few magestones in Zairel that come up in the Xaeren WIP which is fun.

There are a couple of occasions of gods breaking their pacts and entering the mortal plane and one instance of a god breaking out from a magestone. (He is trapped again eventually, this starts the mist war.) —————————————————————————

Hope you liked the PAGES of lore. There is more but this was already the longest tumblr post I have ever made so that will have to wait.

Tagging the Tag List~ which is new for me:

@thelovelymachinery, @an-indecisive-nerd, @the-letterbox-archives, @oliolioxenfreewrites and @winvyre

[the-crisscrossed-system]

We have no consistency anymore, I swear. This month is bad for the host and one of the cohosts so usually we’d have the other cohost and some helpers around, but currently our other cohost is out of commission since he hasn’t recovered from stuff with our family…and our main gatekeeper hasn’t either. 😅 So now our secondary gatekeeper is running the whole thing and hosting for now is relegated to me, an ex host, an alter who struggles to handle our ADHD and can only front for short periods of time or else the anxiety gets to him, and an alter who has never had a significant connection to our life but is now being forced to care. Talk about a ragtag team, huh? I’m hoping things change sooner rather than later, but until then, I guess I’m back to hosting…and job hunting since our partner and us plan to move soon but need a job secured to actually accomplish that. Totally not a stressful time

[gorillawithautism]

erm pinned post? i guess?

im nafti or pae (use both names and don't capitalize them pls)

21, white, usamerican, jewish

i use any pronouns except she/they. that includes he/him or it/its or any neopronouns. please don't just use he/him (guidelines for non-english languages)

my tags: part 1 (fandoms/interests/hobbies + current/organizational), part 2 (system specific, includes headmate pronouns)

some things i would like my mutuals to tag (like,, some tags i have muted or whatever)

i would like to keep my dni list short so don't cause problems for me please and thank you. just,, have basic morals and treat people with respect and we should be good

hhhh what else

i'm big autism. i really like nonhuman primates. gorillas are my favorite but i like them all. i'm so autistic about them please talk to me about them. don't show me pet primates tho. because that's bad (see infographic at the bottom)

i'm also plural. praesigenic (which essentially means i'm not disclosing the origin of my plurality because it's not your business).

another note: i do not write image descriptions for reasons related to my own disability. however if someone happens to write one on my post i will edit the original post to include that description

here's xhabu

credit for the stamp at the top

[theangrycomet-art]

Cul-de-Sac Kids 2

Tanner and Paisley, Olof, and Rowan and Oakley

COMMISSIONS OPENED

Kofi

Character Stats I’ve been meaning to add but forgot and probably won’t get to for a while cause this has already been in my drafts for like 8 months and I wanna post it so here’s a keep reading so that when I eventually edit this it’ll redirect to my blog with the “original” freshly edited post

Tanner

age: 16

he/him…

Number 12 on the [find name for Soccer team]

on the field, Tanner is a bright, confident and competent player, but off the field he is incredibly clumsy

is always finding himself in uncomfortable/awkward situations

is signed up for almost every sport that he can be but the only one he really enjoys is Soccer (partially due to how supportive the team is)

wants to quit but also doesn’t want to disappoint his dad

honestly he’s rather be doing dance with his sister than anymore sports but was shot down by his dad when he brought it up the one time

eventually she realizes she’s a girl but she doesn’t know how to bring it up to her dad- or even if she should at all given his past history reagarding Tanner’s interest in more feminine things

Paisley

Age: 9

she/her

the little sugar plum Princess of fury

In ballet- wants to be a boxer (she doesn’t hate ballet per se- she’s just rather be in the dojo next door)

wants to join the KND but Oakley won’t tell her how to join

Olof

Age: 15

he/him

one of the many grandsons of Sheperd

has a goat named Gloria and a sheep named Cloud

a skilled fiber crafter

stress whittles (carved his own shepherd staff when he was 6)

a cheerful fellow, he could happily spend the day tending to his and his families animals

Hates the texture of dirt (specifically dry dirt, as mud doesn’t seem to bother him,

potential recruit for the Gizmos (if Kaiden can figure out how to convince him that ice skating isn’t that hard or scary)

confident in his skills, but easily flustered by his social feaux paes

Defensive about his “weird” habits (his abnormal strength, love of meat, strange expressions, his old way of dressing, etc)

though he loves his family, he I had mixed feelings on their strange traditions, much to the chagrin of his father

he tends to try and hide it rather than explain it, never inviting people over and even occasionally claiming his fathers an accountant

His sister Heidi (whom he was closest to) felt the same way and ran away when they were 12 (he was 11), never to be seen again

this heartbreak almost divided the family, but they kept it together barely

Operative Numbuh 8642 (Keeper of the Hamsters)

Weapon of Choice: M.I.S.S.O.L.E. (Shoe Gun)

Status: Decommissioned

Recruited alongside Numbuh 2468 (Status: MIA) by Numbuh 88^2 during a rescue mission

Rowan

Age: 15

they/them

constantly spacing out- lives in their own world

sculptor (like scrounding the junkyard for parts for his pieces)

offers strange pieces of advice that 2/3 times work like a charm

stoner buddies with Mason

superhero fan; favorite hero is Rex.

Never seen without their jacket. They supposedly has a tattoo that they’re hiding from their parents but nobody had ever seen it

while they’re not mean to their little brother they arn’t exactly putting much effort into him

They has a deep burning indifference to him, if not a mild irritation

Oakley

Age: 11

talks nonstop (even in his sleep)

Operative Numbuh 1424: Security and Defense Specialist

Weapon of Choice: Custom S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R.

Status: Active