#packs maggie lindemann | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dollieomens · 5 months ago

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i feel my heart decaying

paring: best friend!noah x fem!reader

content warning: angst, hurt/comfort, little bit of friends to lovers (?), cheating, negative mentions of body image, insecure reader.

a/n: kinda (very harshly) a self insert, not exactly. title is from break me! by maggie lindemann. do not continue under the cut if anything listed above may make you uncomfortable.

Words couldn’t describe how you felt when you walked into your apartment.

Anger, sadness, hurt. It felt like a knife was being drug through your chest with how bad it was. Your heart sunk to the pit of your stomach when you saw them. Your boyfriend, David, with her. The girl he claimed he didn’t love anymore, the girl he left for you 2 years ago.

You could feel the hot tears beginning to stream down your cheeks, watching the way David kissed and grabbed her. The sound of you clearing your throat made him pull away frantically, eyes going wide at the sight of you standing by the doorway.

He was pulling away from her and blubbering apologies, trying to get closer to you, but you weren’t having it. That girl did nothing but look at you with a smirk, deep green eyes piercing your soul. Her bright red lipstick was smeared and all over Davids lips, the ones you loved to feel mold against yours every day.

All you could muster up was a broken “we’re over.” He looked pained, but it was his fault. He invited her over, he had a few drinks with her knowing her intentions. He still loved her. He used you to get over her.

You could hear him call after you when you slipped past him and down the hall to your shared room. You bit back a sob when you looked around the room, pictures of the both of you on the walls, the lingering sent of his cologne.

The faint sound of David and the girls voice rung out the apartment, but you couldn’t make out whatever they were arguing about. With shaky hands, you grabbed your phone out of your jacket pocket and managed to click on the one contact you thought of.

Noah.

He had just dropped you off from his house, but you needed to get away from this situation, from them. You could figure out what to do tomorrow.

Your nerves immediately soothed a bit when his voice came through the other line, smooth and calm.

“Hey angel, perfect timing! you left your- wait, are you okay?”

He immediately knew something was wrong when he could vaguely hear yelling and your sniffling. “Can you come back and get me? Please? I-I’ll explain everything then.”

You tried not to sound so sad, so broken, but you couldn’t fight it. Your chest felt so tight and your vision was blurry.

“You can stay the night or for however long you need, I’ll be over in ten.”

A small “okay,” was all that came out before he hung up.

It wasn’t pretty when you told Noah what happened. He was practically fuming, trying so hard to not punch David. Noah kept it in though, helping you pack a bag and managing to get you out of the place without David begging you to stay.

Noah even buckled you in, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. It made your heart flutter a little, but the rest of you felt so numb. You brushed it off as your brain fucking with you.

You were pulled out of your thoughts by a tattooed hand squeezing your thigh softly, almond shaped eyes gazing into your own. “How you feelin’, angel?” You looked at Noah blankly for a second, breaking the eye contact and looking down at his hand.

“Just.. numb, I guess. t’was the last thing I expected to happen.” He frowned deeply at your words. He saw the signs before you did, how David was getting distant, how he was coming home way later than usual and using work as an excuse.

You wanted to believe him so bad, you wanted to stay with him, but..

He ripped your heart right out of your chest when he was the one that slowly healed and put you back together at the same time. He always reassured you that he only loved you, that he thought you were beautiful when you picked at yourself.

He always told you he loved you. Always. Then he pulls that.

You wanted to be mad, you wanted to yell at him and tell him to pack his stuff and get out, but you couldn’t. You still had love for him, it hurt so bad to see him go away, even when he jabbed the knife farther into your gut.

That stupid fucking smirk she had on her pretty face. You couldn’t be bothered to remember her name, you didn’t care. She was slim and pretty, long redish-orange hair and deep green eyes. Long legs and confident. Everything you weren’t.

Your gaze slowly trailed to Noah when you realized he had turned to face you in his seat, lacing your fingers with his in both hands. His practically swallowed yours whole; they fit together perfectly. Maybe too perfect.

“I’m sorry, y/n. You seriously don’t deserve any of this. Again, you can stay with me for as long as you need. You can stay in my room if you want, or the spare. You know the guys love having you over.”

That was true. Folio especially loves causing chaos with you, Nick always shows you what he’s working on when it comes to the tattoo shop, and Jolly is always up to teaching you how to play guitar. They always welcome you with open arms, especially Noah. You’ve known him and Nick the longest, but there’s always been something more with Noah.

He’s your best friend. You love him more than anything.

Would he tell you he’s had feelings for you for years now? No. Has he contemplated on just doing it so you can finally realize he’s the one for you? Maybe. He doesn’t wanna risk pushing you away.

He loves you too much.

It was already late when Noah came back to get you again, so everyone was asleep when you guys got there. Well, except for Nick. He was the only one up when Noah left, so he somewhat knew about what happened.

It was obvious, so obvious that he wanted to punch David in the face, beat him until he was black and blue. Noah wanted to as much as he did, but you were exhausted. Mentally and physically. Always overworking yourself and barley getting any sleep, constantly up at night worrying about David and wondering where he is, if he even loved you anymore.

Nick gave you a big hug the second you came into view. He and Noah had set a plate aside for you when Jolly made dinner, but you felt like you would vomit if you ate anything right then.

“I’ll be in my room drawing if you two need anything,” and he was off. Everything felt like some sort of haze, your mind was foggy. You couldn’t really register Noah slinging your bag over his shoulder and wrapping his arm around your waist, walking you up the stairs to his bedroom. You murmured in the car that you wanted to stay in his room, you felt safe with him.

It made his heart melt and his tummy swarm with butterflies, hearing those few simple words.

“You’re my safe space.”

It made him happy, he couldn’t fight the smile that spread on his face. He kissed your knuckles, something he always did, no matter the circumstances. Sometimes he did it to piss off David, others he did it just cause. Your skin is just so soft, he loves feeling it under his palms and fingertips when you show skin every once in a while.

You suddenly found yourself in Noah’s arms on his bed, head tucked against his chest. You basked in the warmth of it, pulling him as close as you could get him. The soft sound of his voice rung in the room and vibrated through his chest.

“Y/n? You wanna change into something more comfortable?” You wanted to, you wanted to get up and do at least something cause Noahs done it all the past two hours, but it felt like you were glued onto him. You didn’t have the energy to move even in the slightest. All you could manage was a muffled “‘can’t do it on m’own.”

He figured you’d say that, theres been multiple times that he’s had to slip you into something more comfortable. Either cause you were drunk, which was a rare occurrence, or something like this. No energy. Too exhausted. He gently moved you off him, chuckling at the small pout on your lips. Its not your fault he’s so warm and comfy.

“‘Gonna grab a hoodie and something out of your bag, okay? It’ll only be a second.” Reluctantly, you nodded. He was back in no time with a pair of your shorts and his hoodie. It was the Bad Omens gun one, your favourite. It practically swallows you whole.

Your nerves immediately soothed when the warmth of his palms settled on your shoulders, rubbing softly. You had to relax somehow, you’re tense. Really tense. It was making you feel so sleepy, so when he pulled away and tugged on the hem of your shirt a little, you were- needless to say -pouting again.

Noah just chuckled again, lifting your arms and pulling off the fabric. He was quick but gentle with his movements, and couldn’t help how his eyes trailed over your chest and stomach. It was only for a second, but god he always found you beautiful. His pretty little best friend.

He pulled the hoodie over your head and helped pull your arms through the sleeves, to anyone else it probably would’ve looked weird to see your best friend slipping off your jeans- but it was normal for the both of you. Noah was just giving you a helping hand, he always does. You always comfort him when he needs it, always gives him reassurance, anything he ever needs.

You’re always there for him, and he’ll always do the same for you.

You were dozing in and out of sleep, snuggling as close as humanly possible into Noah’s chest. You refused to let go of him, but he wasn’t complaining. He’s just so comfortable and warm, and you like warm. The faint sound of Hannibal played in the background, the feeling of Noah’s fingers gently running through your hair and scratching at your scalp lulled you further into your sleepy state.

You were half on top of him, legs tangled together and arms wrapped tightly around him. Sleep finally took you and let you fall into a deep sleep, and you could’ve sworn you felt Noah’s lips press against your forehead. You didn’t have the energy to say anything.

He knew the guys would tease him in the morning if they saw the two of you like this, limps tangled together and your face buried in his chest, his own pressed against the top of your head. But he didn’t care, having his favorite girl in his arms was all that was on his mind.

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