#p sure that was one of the reasons i never finished this lolol

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

old sketch i found! ofc Zevran is the one who does Kala's tats lol

[stargazer-balladeer]

Platonic! [Mystic Messenger]

Anon: hi !! can i ask for rfa x reader platonic! headcanons with v & ice cream boi saeran <3

Characters Included: RFA, V & Saeran

Note: This is one of my favorite works :P. I got carried away by this bc I rlly had so much fun writing it. Hope ya’ll enjoy this!

Additional Notes: You and MC are not the same people.

Reader’s Gender: Neutral (some bulletin might imply a feminine reader but take it how ever you want)

Warning: Dark themes in V’s scenario. Mentions of Suicide. If you’re sensitive to this topic, pls skip V’s. Thanks. Spoiler warning!

“UNREQUITED LOVE”

Seven

Honestly speaking, Seven is a friend that keeps joking around and fun to be with. He’s so easygoing yet he keeps building up walls around himself, distancing himself from everyone, even you.

He’s the kind that just keeps smiling, no matter what situation he was in. 

It’s that reason why when you approach him for the first time, you could instantly tell he’s building up walls around him. But in reality, he just smiles. 

Behind that smile though screams “go away” “why are you talking to me?” “who the hell are you?”

I think it’s very difficult to befriend him (The twins are, in general). BUT! Once you get past his build-up walls and warmed up to him, he’ll slowly also warmed up to you.

Now, going back to platonic hc.

You two will always have a competition. ALWAYS. Whether petty or stupid or crazy, it doesn’t matter. Seven is the exact definition of CRAZY, and I hope you are too.

You two will be spamming the chatrooms so much, much to the rest’s irritation. You two will be a dynamic duo that cannot be stopped.

Actually people might mistake you as couple (if ever you two go out, you usually stay indoors) since you two actually look like one. Of course, you two will deny it, stating your just friends, which is true enough. 

Though sometimes you two took advantage of this. If there’s a couple discount in a store? You two will pretend to be a couple to get a discount.

Vanderwood would just get used to having two idiots in the house now, since you always crash in Seven’s house. You practically live there now. (poor Vanderwood--)

Seven would be so comfortable with you, that he can be himself. If he’s sure he can trust you, he will tell you about his past and about his twin brother. How he regret leaving Saeran, how he regrets everything about his life.

If MC joins the RFA, you instantly knew something was wrong with Seven. 

If you realize that he loves her, you would definitely tease him about it. He would passionately deny it (with flushed cheeks), but you knew better. 

You would be there for him when he realize what had happened to his brother, you comforted him as he cries. cries.

I would also like to imagine him telling you about the reset, and explaining to your confuse self. You’re the only one he can confide to about this information. Pls don’t break this trust.

You would definitely help Seven to search for Saeran, and be his best man in his and MC’s wedding (yes, even if you are a girl. Fight me.)

Overall, I think this friendship is a wholesome one. Full of trust and fun. Pls don’t abuse this friendship with Seven ;-; This poor bby boi has been through a lot..

Yoosung Kim

You two definitely meet during classes in College, whether sharing the same course or accidentally met in the library or cafeteria or anywhere. You two will instantly click.

Yoosung would, at first, be shy in talking with you. But slowly grew more confident as you two talk with each other. 

He would DEFINITELY bring Rika up in one of your conversations. You would be like, “??? who?” 

He then proceeds to explain that Rika was his cousin, and that she recently just died. Your motherly instinct activated when you see tears building in his eyes as you brought him to your chest and comforted him. 

It isn’t hard for Yoosung to trust you, unlike Seven. 

If you play LOLOL, this boi would be so ecstatic that he immediately suggested to play together. I hope you agree.

I imagine him being kinda talkative. So, maybe after playing LOLOL or finish doing a project or whatever, you two will sit together on the couch and just talk. Your conversation can be either heartfelt or weird or strange or funny. You two’ll talk endlessly until both of you realize that it’s super late at night.

Like Seven’s, you two will be mistaken as a couple by your classmates. You two’ll instantly deny it though, in Yoosung’s side, flushed face while denying.

But unlike Seven, you two don’t take advantage of this. You two probably didn’t know it existed until someone mention it to you or you found out. 

You two are the innocent beans in the chatrooms. You usually save Yoosung from Seven’s antics, which the rest are grateful for. 

I honestly see Yoosung as a Musical fan, like Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, etc. If you like those as well, expect jamming session of Musical Broadway songs. 

I can also imagine if Yoosung is scared or nervous, he will instinctively grab your hand. It’s like he’s reassuring himself that your there for him, and won’t disappear from him. Unlike his cousin, his love. 

He might come off as clingy but you better know that’s not the case. He’s scared. You can reassure him by squeezing his hand and smiling at him. “I’ll always be here for you.” he might shed a tear or two before smiling back at you.

When MC joins the RFA. The two of you were surprised at her sudden appearance but nevertheless welcomed her. 

If you realize that MC likes Yoosung and how Yoosung keeps comparing her to Rika, you would definitely step in. You know that MC feels hurt that Yoosung keeps comparing her to his dead cousin, so you talk to him.

He wouldn’t take this lightly though. But eventually realized that you and Zen were right. MC wasn’t like Rika at all! Maybe even better!

You would be SO worried about Yoosung when you heard he lost one of his eyes. But you knew better to visit him so you spam him instead, letting him and MC have their moment.

You would be there when he became a veterinarian. You’ll also be his best man in his wedding (regardless if you’re a woman).

Overall... this friendship is one-of-a-kind. It’s rare to see a man like Yoosung nowadays. If ever you meet this kind of person, befriend them. I’m sure you wouldn’t regret it :)

Jumin Han

I can’t imagine anything else but during your childhood. You’re friends with him and V, and possibly Rika as well. But you’re close to V rather than to Jumin.

You’re actually scared of him really, since he has this aura around him that screams “superior!” “don’t talk to me peasant” “go away”. Yeah, not so friendly aura.

V would always reassure you that Jumin isn’t that kind of person. You, of course, believe him but it’s hard to approach someone like Jumin.

Once you’re older, you might have lost communication with the both of them. By the time you knew it, you heard V was getting married to Rika. And you knew who else has a crush on Rika. Jumin.

You, of course, congratulated them. But you were deeply concerned about the black-haired CEO. But when you approach him about it, he pushed you away.

When V suddenly died, you were gravely saddened to have lost a friend. You were deeply wounded at the fact that he left so sudden, why? why? why?

Jumin might’ve noticed you grieving so he’s the one approaching you now. He’s the one reaching out his hand, and you took it.

At the start of your newfound rekindled friendship, it was to say awkward and a bit rocky. But you were used to it so you persisted until you wiggle yourself into his life. And, surprise surprise, he accepted the fact that you are his friend.

You two will not always hang out however, since you two have work to go to. But you two will call each other frequently, asking each other trivial things, which is surprising coming from Jumin. 

I also think someone will mistake you as Jumin’s girlfriend, but he will outright deny it. 

He MIGHT MIGHT use this an advantage though. But not so much, since he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable or take advantage of you. 

If you like cats, great! If you two are already like best friends, Jumin will let you meet Elizabeth the 3rd. 

If you work with him in C&R, you’ll be expected to come to his office often to drag him away from his workaholic self. 

By now, Jumin already considers you a close friend, that’s a first. The friend who never left him. So he confides in you about his insecurities in running the company, how he never had a family before since his father is a womanizer, hopping from one woman to another. He’s just a product of a one night-stand. 

Just listen to him, that’s all he needed. You don’t need to talk, just listen. And pls don’t spread it either, Jumin’ll not like that. 

He’s not usually talkative really. You’re the one who talks, if you’re a talkative person like Yoosung, the one who keeps the conversation going. But if you’re quiet, then the both of you can bask in silence in each other’s presence.

I would like to think Jumin thinks of you as a (sister/brother) he never had, a family.

And, very so often than not, he smiles to you. He’s so comfortable with you that he can be himself and not uphold his guard.

The rest of the RFA would take note of Jumin being soft towards you. Like he’ll be angry one second but once you’re in the chat, he’ll go soft. Like “???”. But I would like to think they’re happy that Jumin found a friend that he can trust. (Proud RFA)

(It’s also noticeable in the employees of C&R that Jumin has become soft towards you.)

You and Jaehee would DEFINITELY be friends as well. You may or may not have told Jumin to stop giving her so many tasks. But nevertheless, she’s grateful for you and happy that you’re also her friend.

Anyway. If MC joins the RFA, Jumin, being Jumin Han, was wary of her. You assure him that she meant no harm at all.

But once all was revealed, and founding out V was still alive. You had mixed feelings about him, like you’re happy that he’s alive but angry that he lied to you. 

You’re also mad towards Jumin. He told you the reason why V died, but the reasoning was a lie. You don’t know who to trust anymore so you shunned everyone out.

Jumin was devastated, to say the least. He has grown into a trusting and loving friendship with you that was hard to build, and yet it broke. Like a snap of a finger, it immediately broke. He doesn’t know what to do. He lost a friend, the friend who never left his side, the one who cheers him on, the one who loves hanging out with him even though he’s boring, the friend who was a family to him.

He cried. Jumin Han cried. MC tried comforting him of course, but he never stopped. He wanted you back, he couldn’t bear to lose someone important again.

And, like a miracle, you came back. Oh how happy he was when he saw you standing in front of him. He immediately engulfed you into a hug, not caring if some people saw him. He got you back, that’s all that matters.

After the fiasco was dealt with, you would DEFINITELY attend their wedding. It’s either his Best Man or a Bridesmaid, he still respect the Church’s wishes afterall.

Overall, your friendship with this trust-fund kid was messy and started out rough. But once you two work hard on it, it blossomed. Until someone crush it and it became broken again. But once again, it stood strong and proudly, even though damaged. And I think it’s beautiful, no matter what anyone else’s say.

Zen

This guy is an actor, an egotistical, narcissistic guy. Who looks like a real-life Mafumafu and gotten his name “Zen” from a guy named Zen in Akagami no Shirayukihime (Snow White with the Red Hair).

Putting that aside, you two probably met accidentally in a set. Where you accidentally pour water on him during a break. You profusely apologized lots of time, and him reassuring you every time.

Yeah. Not an ideal meeting but a meeting no less. 

Zen would probably took an interest for you. No, not romantic interest. He’s more interested in being your friend. He saw how you interact with other people, and especially your friends. He was, dare I say, jealous of people being with you. He wanted a friend like that, that’s all he wanted afterall.

He would take time to chat with you in-between takes (or breaks in Musical Broadway). He would eventually find out that you don’t care if he’s a famous actor that enjoys his looks. He found himself being comfortable around you.

If the set you two are in has ended, he would be disappointed. That means, there’s no more reason to interact with you. But you surprise him by telling him that if he wants to hang out again, just call me. He was ecstatic.

Whenever you hang out though, it needs to be in-secret. He would have to wear a disguise if he doesn’t want anyone to recognize him while he’s hanging out with you. 

Where you hang out though is always a mystery. Sometimes in a park, sometimes in a amusement park, sometimes in a cafe, sometimes in a mall, and so on. It’s always random with him, but enjoyable nonetheless. 

But if someone caught him hanging out with you and post it online.It would cause a frenzy really. But don’t worry! Zen would one way or another calm it down and state that you two are just friends.

Zen would DEFINITELY get you to ride his motorcycle, but wouldn’t force you to ride it if you’re scared. BUT! He’s persistent so you have no choice but to give in.

If you like Musical, great! Then the both of you can jam out with Musical songs, that he may or may not have sung (COUGH Hamilton COUGH).

But after the incident of the online, you hang out in Zen’s apartment or yours. You two binge-watch Netflix shows or watch a movie. 

He would DEFINITELY force you to practice with him if he needs to practice for a role. But if the scene includes a kissing scene, he would kiss you on the cheek instead. 

If he’s comfortable with around you, he would tell you about his past. How his family doesn’t want him to be an actor, how they immediately disowned him and how he got depressed. 

You don’t need to talk really, comfort him. Pull him close and rub his back. “It’s alright.. I’m here.” Zen might burst into tears.

In the chatroom, you two act the same as usual. You actually mother the RFA. You reprimand him for being an addict to LOLOL. You reprimand Seven to eat other food other than Buddha Chips. You reprimand Jumin for being an workaholic, and for overworking poor Jaehee. The only one you don’t reprimand is Jaehee, she’s a precious angel. 

You would DEFINITELY be there for him whenever Zen would perform on stage or on screen. You are his number one supporter after all.

When he feels nervous, he’ll instinctively looks at you. You, in return, flash a reassuring smile. Then his confidence would be boosted and his nervousness goes away. 

This small action of yours, swells Zen’s heart. He’s glad to have a friend like you. A friend that actually supports him, a friend that loves him whole-heartedly, a friend that enjoys his company, a friend that will always be there for him. He finally found his longing friend. 

If MC has joined the RFA, you noticed Zen’s personality shift a bit. 

If you noticed how Zen and MC were falling in love, you would definitely be their Number One Supporter. 

If you know the Echo Girl incident, you might not intervene. Letting them handle it since it’s their problem. (lol savage friend)

After everything has ended, you would be supporting Zen full-heartedly. He wants to marry MC? Alright. Let’s plan the wedding and engagement. He wants to find a romantic spot for a date? Alrighty, let’s check Siri. 

You would be his Best Man (even if you’re a woman). He’s so nervous that he turns to you and you flash him a smile. The exact same smile you gave to him whenever he feels nervous. 

He would forever be grateful to you.

Overall, your friendship with him may not seem like much on the outside, but on the inside, you and Zen would feel like you’ve known each other for so long that you understand each other so well. This friendship is also a beautiful kind, pls treat this boi right.

Jaehee Kang

I would definitely think you two met during her college days. You two were paired up in a project and that’s how you two click. It was you two were meant to be, like two puzzles fit together. 

After that, you two would be found hanging out with each other. She admires your determination in finishing college and wanting to enter to your favorite job, while you admire her for her silent demeanor and how studious she was. 

You two would DEFINITELY be hanging out in the library or in either of your rooms, just reading or studying. But sometimes you two were seen hanging out in the park, cafe or around the campus. 

People might mistake you as a couple, but (of course) you two would deny it. 

Even after graduating, you two still kept in touch. If you two were working in C&R, you would definitely talk with her during breaks. If you two were working in two separate works, you would call her still. But even if this happens, it’s not guaranteed that she’ll answer your call or meet you during breaks (since Jumin dumps her lots of stuff).

You will help her in some, which she protest at first but ultimately gave up when she realized how stubborn you could be. 

If you two were hanging out in a rare day that she has a day off, she would make you binge-watch Zen’s performances, fangirling about it. You would support her of course, if you’re not a fan. But if you’re a fan, you both will be a squealing and fangirling mess.

In chatrooms, Jaehee would still be herself. You, on the other hand, would definitely play along with Seven’s pranks on Yoosung. Both you and Seven are partners-in-crime. Jaehee would definitely be the person who says “I don’t know that person. What’re you talking about?” while looking away from you.

If she’s overworking herself, you’ll immediately drag her away to relax herself. 

If she wants to open a cafe, you would definitely support her and be an employee of it. But that’s much later.

Actually, if she’s stress, she would definitely rant to you about how bad of a boss is Jumin. You would need to give her coffee and open the tv to watch one of Zen’s performance to calm her down. 

She would DEFINITELY open up her sexuality to you. You, of course, didn’t judge her and supported her.

If MC joins the RFA, you and Jaehee would be skeptical at first of course. A sudden girl suddenly entered the RFA without all of them knowing of her. It seems suspicious. But decided to shrug it off.

If you realize Jaehee is falling for MC, you would be suspicious of MC’s advances. So you decided to talk to MC about it. You know about the LGBTQ+ community, and fully aware of Jaehee’s sexuality. But you aren’t sure about MC.

You are only doing this because you don’t want Jaehee to be broken-hearted, to be lead on. So you had a talk with MC. And after that talk, you are now sure that MC loves Jaehee as much as Jaehee loves her. 

After all the fiasco ended, Jaehee resigned being Jumin’s assistant and opened up a cafe with MC. You became an employee of it but only on the weekends or you have free time. 

If ever they marry, you would be Jaehee’s maid-in-honor (even if you’re a boy. And no, you’re wearing a suit, don’t worry). You would be so proud of you for being who she was and you would be grateful to MC who made Jaehee who she was now.

I think this friendship is common but it’s also beautiful. It actually reminds me of my friends (now strangers.... unfortunately ;-;)

V

Ahh.  My husband. Here we go.

You two met when both of you were teenagers, when he was in a photoshoot. He accidentally took a picture of you, and he apologized for it but you reassure him that it was okay. 

After that meeting, you two became great friends. You also met Jumin and became friends with him. 

You two would be hanging out everywhere. Since he’s a photographer, he wants to take picture of everything that seems interesting. But sometimes, you would be found in V’s room, looking through his taken pictures in his camera. 

If you’re also a photographer, he would be so happy! He would take you everywhere that has a great scenery to hear the sounds of clicking of the camera. If you’re not, you can be his muse! (if you don’t mind, of course).

People wouldn’t mistake you two as a couple really, since they see how V sees you as a (sister/brother) and you to him. They can see it in the aura.

Few years past, and you met Rika. 

When you first met her, you could immediately tell something was wrong with her. You didn’t take Psychology in college for nothing! 

But you don’t have the heart to tell V about it, since he looks so happy with her. You can also tell that Jumin has a crush on her as well.

As days go by, you and V were falling apart. You two slowly didn’t talk anymore, which confuse you greatly. why was there a distance? did I do something wrong? did I say something? why? why? wHY? WHY?!

You felt empty without V. He was your half after all, a brother. Now he’s gone, you felt lonely without him.

You knew about the RFA. And Jumin suggested you to join, so you did. You felt better as you interact with the other members. Jumin could see it, Rika could see it, V could see it. 

But what drove you to succumb to depression, the last struck, was V’s death. That was the last one to destroy what little sanity you have left. You even tried to suicide, but Jumin caught you before you could try. 

You grew more depressed as the days go by. You wouldn’t come out of bed or eat the food given to you. This made the members of the RFA worry about you. So they tried their best to make you better. 

Jaehee tried to make you get out of bed to eat, but wasn’t successful. Zen tried to make you laugh with funny videos, which you turn your back on him. Yoosung tried to make you turn to video games for comfort, but he didn’t succeeded (he left with teary-eyes). Heck, even Seven tried! Well, tried as in making you a device but you ignored it.

Until Jumin was the one who ultimately made you stand up and eat. He said that if V sees you like this, he would be very disappointed and worried.

“He doesn’t care, Jumin. Give it up.”

“He DOES care, [Y/N]. Now, don’t be a child and stand up and eat.”

And that led you to arguing with him. You screaming that he doesn’t know what you feel, how it feels to lose a friend, and how you want to die. Until Jumin screams back at you,

“I ALSO LOST A FRIEND!”

You stopped. You literally froze as tears began pouring out of your eyes, now feeling guilty. You weren’t the only one who lost V, Jumin has and even Seven, who sees V as a father figure.

After that time, you started getting better. Jumin insisted you work in C&R, so you decided to agree. Life was turning for better until MC joins the RFA.

Ever since MC joined, many things have happened. You discovered V was still alive, how Rika tortured him and Saeran, how she’s the mastermind behind Mint Eye, everything was too much for you.

Even though you had a grudge against V for lying about his death, your hearts yearns for his presence. But when you saw how MC was persistent to save V, you joined her.

In saving V, you also saved Saeran. V apologized profusely to you and you forgave him. You thought everything was working.

But when V disappeared once again, you were sick of it. Sick of V always disappearing, so you cut your ties with the RFA. You moved into another country and lived there for the rest of your life, living behind everything you knew about them.

After years of living in a completely new country, you received a message in Korean. You saw it was from Jumin, you want to ignore it but you decided to read it. It was a picture of MC’s and V’s child. Then Jumin send another text saying, “Come back, he misses you.” 

You decided to return, only to be greeted by the RFA in the airport along with V and his child. You stared at them for a while before returning your gaze to V. Your lips turned into a smile, “hey.”

V smiled sadly at you, “hey.”

Overall, LOTS of obstacles you have to face in order to have this friendship. But there’s a saying that, “If you can say goodbye, then you can say hello once more.”. No matter how much you two have been separated by fate, you two will always be friends.

Saeran

You two would meet after he was saved by MC and Seven from Mint Eye. He would, of course, be hostile to everyone, even you. You two will meet when buying ice creams in a ice-cream stand.

He would push you away immediately if you want to get close to him, with his mindset in him still being dangerous and you untrustworthy. 

But if you start meeting every time Saeran goes out, you would slowly warm up to him. He would, at first, think you’re a stalker since its strange for the two of you meet everytime he goes out. He, of course, would still be hostile with you. 

If you manage to break his walls, he would slowly but surely open his heart for you. He’s still wary of you, that doesn’t change. 

You two will hang out either at their home or outside, near an ice-cream stand. 

People would not mistake you as a couple since they don’t look at you. Saeran glares at everyone who stares at you two, they’ll probably think overprotective brother instead.

He will NEVER bring up his past, ever. Even if he’s comfortable with you, he wouldn’t bring up his past. He’s still afterall afraid of what you’ll think of him. 

You wouldn’t know about his past, unless Seven mentions it. But you better never pry on it. 

You know when Saeran is comfortable with you since he lets you sit near him and shares his ice-cream with you, which lead to a pouting red-headed twin as he stares at the two of you from afar. 

If he has nightmares, he would lash out to anyone who’s in the same room as him. If you’re in his room and he has a nightmare, expect Saeran jumping on you and chocking on you. It’s either Vanderwood and Seven who has to push him off you to let you breath.

He would, of course, feel guilty for almost killing you so he outright avoided you. It will go on a while since he’s stubborn. You have to be the one to reconcile your friendship.

He always holds your hand, squeezing sometimes. It’s a tell-tale sign to him that you’re still here and not somewhere else. He trusts you so you better not crush it.

He’s like Seven in so many ways. When he trusts someone, it’s usually whole-heartedly. But, like Seven, he’s scared to break down his walls. To let someone enter into his heart only to rip it out. It’s too much for poor Saeran, so he cage himself.

If he starts to like MC, you could immediately tell. You would endlessly tease him about him as he tells you to shut up with a flushed face.

In secret though, you would have a talk with MC about Saeran. She would understand that you’re just worried about your (tsundere) friend, and she promises to love him for eternity. (COUGH reset COUGH).

You would definitely be his Best Man (even if you’re a girl), he would fight anyone who oppose it. (LOL I can totally see this happening).

Overall, this friendship is similar to Seven’s. It’s beautiful and it’s built on strong trust to one another. Pls don’t betray this ice cream bby. ;-;

[x] Main Page || [x] Mystic Messenger Page

[casual-flower]

Hiii 💕 6 , 20 ,24 for the artist asks? 👉👈

Haii!! 💕 I hope you've been doing well!! ^^

6. Longest a drawing has taken to finish?

This year it was probably a drawing I did for my closest friend. Originally it began as a drawing of her and Yoosung but then after like 3 hours of trying to figure out Yoosung physics I gave up on him lol. So it ended up as an attempt at a more cartoonish, but also somewhat painterly style portrait of my friend.

Tbf I've no clue how long it took in total in terms of hours, but I think it had the longest video time out of any of my other drawings lol

All I know is I made that file in January and the last time I touched it was September,, but dw!! I didn't work on that singular drawing for 9 months straight lmaooo

Once again, I'm not sure how many hours it would have taken as I work without looking at time, but this drawing would have probably taken me around 4-5 days, working for a few hours each? :p that's just a rough estimate lolol

20. What do you think you've improved on the most over the past year?

Probably on slowing down a bit when I draw. I still have a long way to go, but I always seem to speedrun all the processes?? And for what reason?? lol. No, but I think I've made progress on this because I finally identified it as a problem that I have, so I was able to work on it ^^

I was looking at my sketchbook shelf so I can compare my old drawings and- I found a sketchbook I completely forgot about?? :0 it's a mixed media one so I can use watercolour if I get back on it hehe. happy early birthday (jk lol) heres an unfinished mysme sketch from said sketchbook;;

I remember why I never finished this sketchbook now. Its bc it was my "inktober sketchbook" LMFAOOOOO I BARELY DID A WEEK OF INKTOBER PLS 💀

okay lemme see my fast sketchy sketchbook,,

I know this was a fast sketch but damn that waist 😳 There's this other drawing I did and the waist on that one was tiny too but like,, on that one it was genuinely disproportionate and I think those were exceptions to my general art,, but I thought I would mention them anyway djkskdkd

This has almost nothing to do with the question anymore lol. This was just me practicing poses and I was really proud of this one!! (Btw idk why I put balloons next to the date?? That's not my birthday, nor anybody's that I know of?? LMFAOOOOOO wtf)

AAAAAA its Ema Skye!! (Ace Attorney)!! I love her so I had to share lol anyways;:

OH actually I think I improved on filling up these pages more within the last 1-2 years?? look at this difference lol

to this!!

wait I just realised that most of my pages that I've got very filled up have a lot of um;; commentary and writing for absolutely no reason LMAO help,, this is the best I can do to demonstrate a bit of my improvement;;

25. What do you like most about your art style?

Sad news;; I don't have a consistent art style 😔 BUT there are some consistenties, which I can consider for this lolol.

I generally like the way I draw eyes, I think? They vary depending on the subcategory (lol) of the art style I end up going for, but in general I think I like the way I draw em

i kinda like the way I draw hair, too? though I think its bc I've been given compliments about that lolol

Thanks for sending this in!! ^^ 💕

[shadedrose01]

hmmm idk if this is a good ask but could you rec a fic of yours that youre proud of for any particular reason? i wanna read some of your stuff hehe

Oooo I'm gonna rec you a few if you don't mind cause my accounts kind of a mixed bag of angst and fluff, so I figured I'd give ya some variety! 😁

Starting off with the fic I'm most proud of which is Take Me to Church, which is a Fantasy Medieval AU Parkner one-shot I wrote a while ago (that I'm kind of writing a full series around now! In the same universe anyways lmao). Just make sure to read the tags with this one, because it deals with darker/angstier themes and has some PG-13 stuffs in it :))

Second one would probably be Piece by Piece, which is a mostly fluffy Harley centric fic that has some hurt/comfort goodness but is very very long, like 24k words long. Idk if you wanna read that much, but if you do! Lolol

And finally, Baby Fever, which is my (1) irondad fic that I wrote for an irondad bingo I never finished oops. Just a note for this one though because I don't wanna cause any confusion, Harley and Peter are twins in this universe, and nothing else lmao :P

So yeah! I'm so glad that you wanna read some of my fics dear, thats so so sweet of you. Happy reading, and thank you for the ask!!! 🥰🥰

[mao-s-mess]

Graduation ~Yoosung x MC fanfiction~

Yoosung Kim is only a month away to taking his finals exam in SKY University but MC starts acting suspicious during such a critical moment

Also on Fanfiction.net

Graduation Yoosung x MC fanfiction Disclaimer: All Mystic Messenger characters belong to Cheritz I didn't describe MC in detail so it could be any of the 5 MCs or your very custom ones! "MC! Come on!" a boy in his early 20s with bleached blonde hair and purple-coloured hair whined with a face of disappointment.

"No 'buts'. Your parents and sister also agree this is for the best. It is after all your finals." his girlfriend, MC; said sternly as she toss a bunch of the blonde's clothes into a luggage bag that was laid out on his bed.

Yoosung Kim crossed him arms and frowned at his girlfriend as she busily goes through his wardrobe.

In about a month's time, he will be seating for his final year examination in Veterinary medicine and what has been suggested and pretty much decided for him is that he and MC will be switching houses for the next month.

"Look, when you get pressured or stressed you tend to distract or 'de-stress' yourself with sleep or LOLOL or you start stress cooking. You're too comfortable in your own home so staying at mine where there's nothing much to do will be the best for you"

She was reaching for the last drawer when he frantically ran over and held it shut with his hands.

"I'll pack my underwear myself thank you!" he insisted as his ears and cheeks turned red.

MC raised her hands and backed away from his cabinet as he selected his underwear to pack.

"I know that's where you keep your por-"

"What?"

"I- i said don't forget to pack your SOCKS."

He nodded and threw in a few pairs of socks into the luggage looking very annoyed. His breathing was irregular; deep huffs but elongated exhales, a habit he has when he wants to say something but haven't found the words yet.

As much as MC found this habit of his adorable she had to stay serious. She knew oh so well he hated things planned out for him without his knowledge or approval but the exam stress has already gotten to him and it was only a matter of time before he has a breakdown and turns to his "can't be bothered" persona.

She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms across his torso; she felt his body tensing up as she did so. She didn't need to see his face to know he was blushing at her sudden action. She smiled as she buried her face into his back.

"MC?!" he flustered waiting for a response. When he recovered from the surprise hug, he placed his own hands over hers. He could feel her breath against his back as he looked down at her arms around him.

She wasn't that much older than him and just finished her university course shortly before she stumbled upon the RFA.

When MC came into the picture, it was probably the worst time for him; he was blinded from his grief of losing Rika, major hatred towards V, was lost with his directions in life as well as had difficulty handling his emotions but she accepted all that of him and even more; she helped him out of that phase in his life.

It has been about 2 years after the incident where he lost sight in his left eye at the hands of the hacker who called himself Unknown but the two have been inseparable since the party where he proclaimed his love and kissed her then and there.

It certainly wasn't an easy relationship being Yoosung's first and he had a rather fairytale concept and expectations of how a relationship should be. He realized the hard way that you either have to be seriously rich, like Jumin Han to pull a lot of things off or have magic and he had neither.

As for MC, it was a major test of patience and constant game of reassuring for Yoosung. She didn't have a relationship as serious as this before but both of them have managed to worked things out together even though they quarreled here and there.

"I just want what's best for you.." her voice muffled from burying her face into his back.

"Okay.." he responded in a defeated tone.

He turned around to give her a kiss on the forehead, when they first dated, he wasn't that much taller than her but he started participating in some sports and also joining Zen on some runs in the park outside Zen's place so he grew a bit, definitely more physical activity than when he was just playing LOLOL when he wasn't eating or at Uni.

"You're doing this because I'm important to you right?" he said with a small smile as he placed her palm against his cheek.

"You're number 1 to me!" she flashed the smile that he loves so very much.

"Meowww~"

Lisa, the cat they adopted together from Jumin 2 years ago nuzzled up against Yoosung's leg.

MC bend down to pick up Lisa to cradle her.

"Lisa's a close second tho, we're both rooting for you!"

Yoosung scratched Lisa behind her ear as she purred.

"Okay fine... I'll do it. I'll spend a month in your place for the finals... Thank you for thinking about me."

"Thank you! I've already asked Seven to help with your LOLOL. Either he plays your account or he'll assign a bot to it"

"A BOT?! I don't want to get banned! I'm currently number 1! I've only managed to beat Seven because he's always away on assignments now"

"Banned? Please. This is Luciel we're talking about. How bold of you to think he'll screw this up, this is a walk in the park for him."

"...Fine... i have lots of important gears there you know..."

"I know how much LOLOL is important to you. It was number 1 for you before I came along ;p " she said cheekily as she looked around for more things to pack.

"Okay okay.. can we have dinner and dates at times?"

"Yes of course! We'll play by ear as usual around your schedule"

"Okay.. how about next week, Wednesday then? I'm free the whole day"

MC froze up.

...?

"Uhm.. next Wednesday.. is no good... I have a meeting with Jaehee about uhm some part time event work thingy"

There it was. A habit Yoosung knows very well.

MC can't hide secrets or tell lies very well. On the Messenger and texts it's not so much of a problem. It's the face to face and phone calls that gives it away, she'll start to avoid eye contact and stutter.

"What are you hiding?"

"NO-NOTHING!" she waved her hands furiously as she went to grab more shirts from Yoosung's cupboard.

"I just have a meeting planned with Jaehee that is all! About some part time work thingy-YEA!"

Yoosung's brows scrunches up.

"And that's the reason you want me to bug her phone?" A boy not that much older than Yoosung with bright reddish orange hair and amber-coloured eyes asked with raised eyebrow.

Luciel Choi aka 707 was the RFA's secret agent/hacker/nonsense maker. He has a love for fast cars, cats, honey buddha chips and dr pepper. Yoosung came over (after a few attempts of trying to decipher Seven's security system) because MC hasn't revealed any plans on her day with Jaehee and that just made even more suspicious especially since her fabrication details keep changing.

First it was a meeting then it was a shopping trip and then it was a Zen fanclub related outing and then she said she was meeting family.

"She's not telling me anything. She usually does in the end"

"Maybe she's trying to keep something from you"

"We're not suppose to keep secrets! It's bugging me so yes that's why i want you to bug her phone so I can find out. What if she's not meeting Jaehee, what if- what if-"

Seven slapped a packed of Honey Buddha Chips across Yoosung's face (semi lightly) as he had chips in his own mouth, shaped like a duck.

"You realized this is MC. The woman who put up with your emotional ass even after you keep comparing her to Rika. If she didn't abandon you then, what makes you think she'll abandon you now"

Yoosung bit his lips. He knew Seven was right, words stung but he was definitely right. MC cheating on him would be the last thing she'd ever do. He felt bad doubting her for that option.

"I still want to know what she's hiding from me though"

"Ugh. You'll never leave until you get something anyway. So what's in it for me"

"That LOLOL limited edition gacha item you couldn't get because the event happened when you went incognito 2 months ago."

Seven's mouth opened and his duck chips fell out.

"WHAT... ARE YOU SERIOUS. PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY AUCTIONING THAT OFF FOR REAL MONEY"

"You can have it. I also got the rare one too"

Seven did an impression of Edvard Munch's The Scream. He was that much in shock.

"If i take it i can sell it for real money too?"

"Do whatever you want with it"

"Even to buy new accessories for my babies?"

"Wait-can it be auctioned off that much?"

"NO TAKE BACKS. Do we have a deal? Your LOLOL rare item for an all access day pass to MC's phone"

"Do it."

"YAHOO~ LET'S DO IT THEN" he swiveled around on his chair to face his monitors and starting tapping away at the keyboard.

"Tapping into her GPS location... Done.. She's at a cafe not too far off from the C&R building.. Let me just pull up one of the security camera feed and... THERE. "

Yoosung leaned over towards the monitor and sure enough there was MC.

"OHMYGOSH WHO IS THAT A HOT GUY SHE'S WITH" Seven exclaimed.

Yoosung heart leaped and started panicking as he scanned the monitor in depth.

"Oh. LOL. My bad. That's just Jaehee. 8D "

It was Yoosung's turn to slap Seven with the Honey Buddha Chips packet across the face; sure enough MC was with another RFA member, Jaehee Kang; personal assistant to Jumin Han.

He breathed a sigh of relief.

The two girls seems to be chattering away happily when MC's face turned serious as she put her cup of coffee down.

"Can we listen in on them" Yoosung asked as he tries to read their lips but failing.

"Okay okay..." Seven said as he starting clicking away at the keyboard again.

Some feedback could be heard on the speaker when MC and Jaehee's voice came on.

---

Jaehee: So what was it you wanted to talk about? And why are we keeping a secret about this from Yoosung?

MC: Well... cos it's embarrassing really..

Jaehee: Embarrassing? With how you two are always at each other, showering cringe-worthy compliments and texts? How can anything be embarrassing?

MC: Heehee...

MC clapped both her hands together suddenly in a pleading manner.

MC: JAEHEE TEACH ME HOW TO MAKE A GOOD CUP OF COFFEE PLEASE

Jaehee: What. Why me. And Yoosung learned how to brew coffee from his coffee club, wouldn't that be better?

MC: But you have more in depth info on it.. You are passionate about the beans and the roast.

Jaehee: A month ago you asked Mr. Han for a private cooking session with his chef. Then you were looking around for some classes on baking.. Now coffee from me? What's going on.

MC fidgeted and looked down, her face turning red.

MC: Well... I'm trying to be a good girlfriend for Yoosung.

Jaehee: I don't understand, aren't you already a good one? He can't stop raving about you.

MC: To be honest, he doesn't show it but he's doing most in the relationship. He'll insist on cooking and he's always trying out new recipes, he also insists on being the one paying for dates even though he isn't working yet, he saves up a lot for our dates. I try to help but his ego won't allow me to take some of that burden away, he believes as the man in the relationship, he's got duties to fulfill.

At this point a warm smile came across her face.

MC: He's giving his all to become a vet when he didn't have any motivation or purpose before; medical isn't an easy line and he's working extra hard because of his left eye injury too and he'll be so busy soon getting that license and practical and all.. I don't know...

MC blushes as she took another sip of her drink before she continued

MC: I just... I want to do more than just offer words of support to him. I want to support him as much as I can even something as little as cooking for him or preparing a cup of coffee when he needs it. I'll be looking for work soon so that I don't seem like a bum that is leeching off him.. So at least I can help our wit the groceries or bills and transport fees and all.. And probably save up for trips for when he gets a break and stuff... I just... I just want to do more for him you know?

Jaehee gave a small giggle as she slid her fork through the slice of cake in front of her.

Jaehee: You're really something.. Always having such a positive attitude towards the face of change. Or danger.

Jaehee shuddered at the memory.

Jaehee: I hope that bomb is finally removed.

MC and Jaehee laughed at that remark as they continued on.

---

Back at Seven's headquarters (?), Yoosung stood stunned at the conversation he just eavesdropped on.

After a while, tears welled up in his eyes and he turned furiously red in the face.

"Whoa. You're as red as my hair" Seven said as he grabbed his phone to snap a photo of Yoosung's crying face.

"You-you meanie. Whydyouhabtotakeapicturofme"

"Can't understand you. SELFIE" He grabbed Yoosung by the shoulder and snapped another photo before he ruffled up Yoosung's bleached hair.

"You realize how frickin' blessed you are now? Now go and study hard for that examination of yours. If not for Rika, If not for yourself then make it for your future with her."

Yoosung rubbed his eyes with the sleeves of his beloved hoodie. Another renewed resolution for himself.

Half a year later the RFA gathered at Yoosung's graduation ceremony at SKY university

"To think that kid didn't bothered with uni in the beginning, I didn't even know he was taking a course like veterinary" Zen said as he occasionally stopped to smile and wave at some female fans. His career as a musical artist soared beyond the stage and onto television in the past few years. That also meant more fans.

"Well he did it for Rika at first because of Sally..." V stated as he was adjusting the settings on his camera to ensure he doesn't miss any shots of Yoosung. Much to persistence of his fellow RFA members, he managed to receive an operation on his right eye to stop him from going blind. He slowly started to take photographs again.

"He always did perform better if it's for someone else but it is rather surprising that he graduated at the top of his class and is chosen as the valedictorian." Jaehee said as she scanned through the graduation event schedule.

"He worked really really hard! His parents and sister are in the front, i saw them just now. They're so so proud!" MC said proudly.

"Indeed he did, his results were so superb it caught wind from one of our medical panel and they've offered him a position in one of our hospitals to undergo private practice so his future is secured as of now" Jumin Han spoke in his usual tone of voice. "I did not even need to put in any word of recommendation."

"I managed to retrieve my number 1 spot in LOLOL again because of this, he stopped religiously for the past few months" Seven said as he took a sip from a can of Dr. Pepper.

"It was nice of him to invite all of us. I know 2 tickets were allocated but you can purchase additional tickets for everyone else." Zen said as he posed for some girls who were trying to sneak a photo of him.

"Oh i paid for it. C&R is a major sponsor for the graduation, which is why we have such good and somewhat private seating" Jumin stated as he adjusted his cuff links.

"Tch. You just had to ruin it" Zen glared at the trust fund kid. Their relationship, as usual; have seen better days.

"I think it's great we're all here though" MC said happily.

"Yea, Jaehee and I weren't there for his high school one and we got to make sure we get proper smiling one for today!" Seven said with determination.

"Oh, it's starting" V said as he readied his camera, he brought his best zoom lens for this as the crowd quieted down.

Professors and head of programmes gave their welcome speeches before the calling of graduates, there were a lot of names being called out. The RFA cheered and clapped loudly when Yoosung's name was read out.

Yoosung walked proudly onto stage as he tipped his graduation cap to the head of programme upon receiving his degree and posing for a picture. A proud moment for him and those who were there for him. They all waited for the rest of the graduates to receive their degrees before Yoosung was called to stage to deliver the valedictorian speech.

"An-nyŏng-ha-se-yo! My name is Yoosung Kim and I am honoured to be delivering the Valedictorian speech this year."

A round of applause roared across the hall as the his Amethyst eyes scanned the crowd for the RFA and his beloved.

"It's really an honour because I wasn't always a model student. Well I was in high school but something happened that made me not take the first 2 years of university seriously."

"You see, I failed my exams and sometimes I'd fall asleep in class. I'd forget days where there are quizzes and had almost no motivation to come to class, I would often skip classes to play LOLOL."

"However, there were people who did not give up on me and I am thankful that I was given another chance to pick myself up. I knew I had to put in the extra effort as I wasted the first two years despite having an accident that caused me to lose sight, literally; in my left eye. It wasn't easy that is for sure but because of this 2nd chance, I did the best I could in all classes and I guess it showed with my results and also the fact that I was chosen as the Valedictorian. "

"What I'm trying to say is, sometimes in life we'll get lost and we don't perform our best, we fall and fail and when that happens, it feels like you're surrounded by darkness but I know of a saying, "Fall seven times, get up eight". There is a light in all of us, sometimes you'll find it yourself but most times you are assisted by outsiders to help you realise your potential. I have friends and family inside and outside the uni that had my back, professors who saw my efforts in getting better helping me out and most of all, I have a wonderful and supportive girlfriend that stood by my side and I'm really thankful for that. It was because of her that I felt that i could do anything and everything I set my heart into."

"This kind of feels déjà vu-ish" Zen said as he listened intently to Yoosung's speech.

"SKY University never gave up on their students and i am proof of that. So fellow students and friends, we tip our hats to our Professors, to our family and friends that have supported us but most of all, give yourself a pat on the back because we made it!"

He ended his speech with a word of congratulations to the students and wishing them the best in their future before walking off the stage with a round of applause tailing him. As soon as he got off the stage he nodded to his family before running off to meet the members of the RFA.

He was congratulated by every member but his eyes were fixated on MC.

"Congratulations on graduating!" MC said as she threw her arms around him when she had the chance to.

Yoosung blushed and gave a cheeky grin.

"Who'd have thought I'd be chosen to deliver that speech!"

"Not us" said almost all of the RFA in unison in less than a split second.

"YOU GUYS ARE MEAN!" Yoosung said with a puffed up cheek before breaking into laughter with the rest of the RFA.

"I'd like to personally thank every one of you for being here and for never giving up on me when I wasn't bothered with uni."

Then he turned to MC

"Most of all, thank YOU for coming into my life and blessing me with all of you. I graduated from uni but I feel like I have also graduated from my old self with the end of this chapter in my life. It's time to move on with the next chapter and I feel like I can take anything on as long as you are by my side. "

"So..."

He held her hand when he suddenly kneel down on one knee to everyone's surprise and took out a small box from underneath his robe and opened it to reveal a ring.

"MC, will you please marry me and make me an even happier person than I thought I could ever be?"

THE END

[choisgirls]

Alright Hailey, was just listening to Smooth ft Rob Thomas by Santana (pure classic &asexual 👌)idk you take prompts now but here's the scenario/headcanon. MC is a professional dancer (who's a regularly participants in international dance sport) RFA members (including V & Saeran) walk in seeing their s/o wear a bright red dress with high heels (or MC's a guy who's in his black dance wear) dancing Cha Cha to the song ;D

A/N: my friEND SMOOTHIS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS AND HAS BEEN SINCE I WAS A KID AND I JUST- HHHNNNNjust know that im singing this song the whole time~ ~Admin 404

I’m just gonna spin awheel and let it decide whose MC is female and whose MC is male~

*YOOSUNG: (Male!MC)

               -Where did you go some nights?

               -You promised to play some LOLOLwith him and the guild but you would… disappear? And when you came back youwere always extremely sweaty and that concerned him

               -OH NO YOU WEREN’T CHEATING ONHIM, WERE YOU MC?!?!

               -P A N I C

               -He followed you one day to findout the Truth™, Detective Yoosung on the case!

               -You went to this studio typebuilding, he slipped in behind you and went into hiding behind some curtains, watchingto see where you went. It looked like some sort of dance floor, there werespeakers around the room, with a phone plugged in via aux chord. Some olderwoman walked out onto the floor in some heels, tapping one of them inimpatience

               -“MC! If you expect to winat this upcoming competition, I suggest you hurry out here so we canpractice!” she called as you walked into the room in a sharp suit. Yoosunghad to physically cover his mouth to stop him from gasping. A blush crept acrosshis face because you looked amazing dressed up like that- it was a differentlook from your casual attire, but he loved both!

               -The guitar riffs bounced offthe walls as you and your partner make your way around the room, her heelsclicking against the floor, as the both of you danced to the beat, hand in handbefore breaking away to dance side by side

               -When you turned to face thesame direction he was in, he couldn’t stop himself from coming out of hidingwith a huge smile on his face. His laughter and cheering was loud enough tohear over the music, causing you to stop in your tracks and your partner raninto the side of you

               -You paused the music as Yoosungapologized profusely  for ruining yourpractice, he just couldn’t believe how good you were? He had never learneddance moves like this and he thought they were really cool! The shy blush onyour face told him you just felt embarrassed to confess about it to him and hewas okay with it- he forgave you! Your partner told him about the latest dancecompetition and how the two of you were going to compete with that routine andhis smile lit up! He vowed to be your number one fan, and to be the loudest onethere, cheering for the both of you, because he cannot imagine the amount oftalent and work that goes into learning the routine and he was definitely readyto support you from then on!

*ZEN: (Female!MC)

               -He wanted to learn a fewdifferent dances so he could add them to his resume, you know, spice it up abit!

               -He asked a friend to set him upwith a great dance instructor, but not just /any/ instructor

               -So, one of his other acting buddiesdecided to take him to the national dance competition, so he could scope outhis own instructor or catch a glance at the one they were going to suggest

               -“No, no, no, none of theseare dazzling enough… I need to learn something that can really woweveryone!”

               -He was looking for somethingfun, something fast-paced but slow just when needed… something sexy, likehim!

               -The main dance floor caught hiseye, listening as the announcement of the national champions entering the roomblared over the speaker.

               -A familiar song started toplay, he watched as a sharp dressed man made his way expertly across the floor,holding his hand out for his partner to join in

               -From the corner of his eye, Zenwatched as a woman practically floated across the wooden floor, meeting withher partner and stepping in time together. Their movements fast and precise, hecould definitely see why they were the national champions. They moved so quicklyhe couldn’t catch the woman’s face. Her hair reminded him of yours… in fact,a lot of this woman reminded him of you?

               -You and your partner had yourgrand finale- your body now facing Zen head on so he can get a clear look atyou. After taking in the fact that, holy shit that is HIS MC out there on thatdance floor, he is immediately taking in your outfit. Bright red, body-formingdress paired with shiny pumps, you were looking sexy and bright- he was meltingjust looking at you. But he’s trying to wrap his head around the fact thatyou… were a national dance champion. You, his beautiful MC…. the both ofyou were now The Amazing Performing Duo™!!!!

               -He ran up to you as you wereleaving the floor, he actually scared the hell out of you and you were ready todig that high heel of yours into his leg- until you saw that it was really himthat is. You listened, watching as his eyes gleamed with excitement and hislips move a mile a minute- compliment after compliment, his surprise imminentin his body language. You promised to teach him everything you knew, so long ashe was committed to the hard work, which of course he was!

*JAEHEE: (Female!MC)

               -After a long day at work, shecouldn’t wait to come home and see you!

               -There was music blaring beforeshe even opened the front door, and she was curious as to what you were doing

               -She recognized the song as oneyou’ve been listening to for a few weeks at a time on repeat. But why? Sure, itwas a good song, but you seemed to always be lost in thought when you had iton, almost as if you were analyzing each and every part of it

               -And now she would find out why

               -With your high heels clickingacross the floor, your red dress moving and flowing to the rhythm of your hips,she was captivated with not only your appearance, but the determination in yourface as you plan and organize every movement in time with the song’s beat

               -The way your hair bouncedaround, always a step behind you, it framing your face at the most beautifultimes- she was dazzled and couldn’t look away. You looked as if you were anexpert- which you were

               -She dropped all her paperworkwhen you were finished just so she could clap like crazy, letting you know ofher presence and her absolute thrill!

               -Couldn’t stop herself fromtalking nonstop, mumbling and blushing, trying to get out the words andquestions she had about how you learned to dance like that

               -You told her you had grown updoing it! You usually had a partner and would attend competitions, but youhaven’t performed in years and had just wanted to get back into it

               -Which she was 100% for! You canbet your sweet ass she’s there every time you practice, signing you up forcompetitions, helping you pick new music and piece together routines. Her loveis in performing arts!!! She’s so excited!

*JUMIN: (Male!MC)

               -Another day another importantbusiness party

               -He hates coming to these thingsbut knows for the sake of his company, he has to attend

               -So now he just makes you go aswell! “MC, I don’t want to suffer through these alone anymore. Now I haveyou to keep me compan- MC get back out here you can’t just hide in thebedroom!”

               -After being dragged againstyour will arriving at the party, there were many eyes on the two of you themoment you entered the room

               -Jumin tried to reassure youthat it’s common, and they could stare all they wanted since their gazes meantnothing to him

               -Nervous laughter bubbled upfrom the back of your throat as you nodded in agreement, knowing full well thatthey were staring at you for other reasons you have yet to tell your boyfriend

               -Later into the evening, the twoof you had been separated and were wrapped up into different conversations. Theman talking to him kept complimenting him for “catching” you, asking howwell he was able to keep up? He kept calling you a “firecracker”?What in the world was he talking about?

               -The man pulled up a video fromonline from last year’s national dancing competition, and staring at him fromthe small screen was your bright smile in a dazzling black suit and tie,holding your partners hand in the air. He watched as your intricate foot worktook the dance floor, spinning your partner around, stepping in time with eachother and shaking your hips faster than he’s ever seen you move

               -He was conflicted. He wanted tosit and watch your body move so fluidly over and over again. Yet, he alsowanted to remove all versions of this video because he didn’t want anyone elseto see how majestic, amazing, and sexy you were. He wanted all of you all tohimself, dance moves and everything

               -You jumped when you felt hisbreath against the back of your ear, he was whispering soft words of love andraspy sexual innuendos about Cha-cha-ing with him in bed later that night whichmade your face turn as red as the vest you wore in that dance video

*SAEYOUNG: (Male!MC)

               -He’s already seen your videoonline!!!

               -Has practiced alone in his roomfor /such/ a long time before he actually got a chance to meet you in person

               -The two of you are constantlydancing with each other around the house, nothing too fancy

               -He’s always telling you howhe’s in love with how you move and how handsome you look in your dance outfits

               -The little brat throws himselfacross any and every object in exasperation at how sexy you are

               -/Totally not constantly askingyou to show him the way your hips move in bed?? What are you talking about???/

               -You’ve noticed he’s been tryingto copy a few of your old partners moves to the song Smooth, and you decided toplan a surprise for him!

               -You left a gift for him on thebed. A stunning red dress with a wig and high heels lay in wait for him tochange into while music played softly in the living room. Once changed, he cameout to find all of the furniture pushed to the walls of the room, stacked infront of the hallway, anywhere to be out of the way. He could hear the softbeat of the song playing from a nearby speaker and he couldn’t keep his smileoff his face

               -He kept up surprisingly well!He had studied very hard, because he wanted to be a worthy partner! There weremoments where you had dipped him and he found himself losing himself in youreyes and how amazing you looked in your sharp suit, but he had to snap himselfout of it so he could focus on showing you his skills! With the final move, he leanedin close to your face, ready to plant a kiss on you when Saeran’s voice brokeyou two out of your dancing spell

               -“HEY WHY IS THE FURNITUREPILED IN THE HALLWAY? CAN THE TWO OF YOU STOP FUCKING AND LET ME OUT OF MYGODDAMN ROOM????”

*DADDV: (Female!MC)

               -You’ve always attended all ofhis photo galleries so of course he would support you in whatever you wanted todo!

               -The moment you told him thatyou were a national champion in dancing, he was ecstatic!

               -You were in the arts and he wasexcited about it! Even if it was a different kind of art, it was still socreative and beautiful, and he thought it said a lot about you

               -So he asked to photography youat your latest competition!

               -He set up multiple cameras torecord and take rapid shots as he got ready to take some closer ones with hishandheld one

               -You and your partner had pickedsuch a great song, he was moving around to it himself, so he definitelycouldn’t wait to see how fluidly and gracefully your body would move

               -The way your hair and dressseemed to move together, flowing behind you. The way your hips moved in timewith your high heeled clad feet- everything captivated him. He was afraid hewas going to forget to take photos

               -Some of the shots he got weremesmerizing. He thought you looked like an absolute goddess. It was almost asif your red dress acted as your wings- every time you twisted or spun aroundthe bottom would fan out and he was sure to get many pictures of it

               -His next gallery was sure to befull of the shots he got of you at just this competition. He couldn’t wait tofollow you to each and every one from now on

               -Was sure to ask you to have aprivate lesson at home so he could get intimate photos of the two of youbonding over something so beautiful- something that embodied you in everyperfect way he could think of

*SAERAN: (Female!MC)

               -I hardcore believe that heloves this song and its one of his top 5’s

               -So when he hears it playing inthe living room, he practically runs from the bedroom to peek around the corner

               -He has to make sure it wasn’this brother playing it just to get him to come out, after all!

               -But what he saw was definitelynot his brother- he can tell your body from a mile away

               -And your body was clad with abright, body-con, red dress paired with some killer heels

               -Couldn’t help but stare, notjust because he loved your outfit, but because he loved the way your bodyseemed to be moving

               -The way your hips moved, theway you could twist and spin your body, it was all amazing…

               -He didn’t know you could movelike that?? So gracefully, so quickly, so… sexually?

               -Watches you until the song’sover. Afterwards, he’s asking you to do it again and again. He wants to watchand study every single movement your body makes. He wants to memorizeeverything from the curve of your hips to the toes of your heels that hover halfan inch off the floor. Videos of past dance competitions are played on repeat,notes and screenshots scattered about the floor. You would think he was creepyand obsessed with you but in reality, all of the notes were about the dancemoves instead? Was he trying to learn how the moves worked?

               -That is indeed what he wasdoing. You walk in on him one day attempting to recreate your moves in more ofa leading man’s way. You couldn’t help but smile at his dedication and at howcute he was trying to do this all on his own instead of just asking you tohelp. The moment he feels your presence though, he’s a blushing, stutteringmess and has to push you out of the room to calm down, constantly denying thathe was doing anything

Masterlist

[kakkoweeb]

tagged by @atsumus thank you i see this is about writing and i love you for that

i,, don’t know who to tag WRITER FRIENDS ASSEMBLE okay maybe @karasunovolleygays hello i am interested to see you do this, if you haven’t yet

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

i formulated it for tumblr and and decided to use it for ao3 to retain my branding. it’s basically just, cool weeb idk it’s not even true but i’m owning it

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

that would be the multi-chapter i guess. though i do want to maybe someday do actual math like. compare the kudos/comment ratio with the hits and then calculate which ACTUALLY performed the best based on that.

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

oh it’s that one art i did of oikawa saying “4 YEARS WE’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER AND YOU DON’T WANNA SEE ME JUMP OUTTA DA CAKE” except i put a comic sans ‘excuse u’. not sure why i used it either; it makes me look sassy whenever i reply to comments but it got me a mutual (lolol hi vio) and people comment about it when they see it so No Ragrets

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

yES. the oikage ao3 community is so kind to me tbh ever since i posted my first fics. of course i love every single commenter i get (with one exception, maybe.) and i appreciate the diversity when i post non-oikage fics too. (those are basically my ao3 categories. oikage and misc JDFKSJD)

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

i reread my own fics from time to time for no reason and the ones that i come back to the most are from the p+c series i did for oikage week. i’m sort of proud of them? but i feel like they didn’t get as much feedback as i would’ve liked so i appreciate them in my own time. #2 and #5 in particular.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

i’m a picky person, so i only have 25 bookmarks, 8 work subscriptions, and 3 user subscriptions. the bookmarks and subscriptions may overlap

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

i am a private au royalty, and i have so many idek which to start, which i’m actually going to write, etc. i’m a sucker for complex and adventure aus, as well as the heart-wrenching ones

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

uhhh user subscriptions are 25, subscriptions are 86, and bookmarks are 331. doesn’t seem like a lot haha how dare you ask me this,

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

basically everything that i write yet don’t post. mostly because they involve my ocs. don’t get me wrong; i’m good at making ocs now i don’t mary sue or anything and they’re all really cool and story-relevant but people just don’t want/need to see that kind of thing, you know?

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

setting description, dialogue-heavy pieces, condensing a work to involve less words, romance in general u gh how an anti-romance as a genre person ended up here is a mystery to me, and just. writing in general. as far as i see, i still suck

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

rarepairs. i don’t think i’ve ever glorified a popular ship before. if ever i do write for them it’s just because it was requested or something.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

21

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

uhhhh last i counted i had like 30+ non-drabble/short WIPs but that was last year. a lot has happened since then adfjsdkf

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

my head can’t remember what day it is, so i write em down. 

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

nope (i want to tho)

16. How did you discover AO3?

tumblr, i would think, back when i was still fixated on dmmd.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

HAHAHAHA no

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

nope lmfao but i could. because i am kakkoweeb from now on y’all are The Weeb Shits djdkf im joking of course. does anyone other than youtubers even do that?

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

when i was eight years old, i think that would be anne mazer. right now, i’m inspired by my favourite fic authors bECAUSE THEY’RE ALL SO GOOD i’d name drop/tag but i’m embarrassed haha,, basically take a good look at my bookmarks you’ll know who they are

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

everyone has to start somewhere, and i think a pretty good start before the actual writing is reading. reading is where the whole thing begins, and from it you can get ideas and styles and words, and develop your way of thinking. as for actual writing: it’s important not to pressure yourself to be really really good and that you find ways to have fun with it. write for your own reasons. look to improvement, but not to the point that it’s all you care about. it’s normal to get stuck, it’s normal to go slow. but if you really love it, don’t quit. keep writing and you’ll never go wrong. oh, and editing is your friend.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

definitely plot out. it’s going to be impossible for me to remember everything on the fly, and ideas pop out at random times in the day and i can’t discard them, so each story has a plan. the level of detail depends on the complexity and my own creative ability at any given moment. sometimes tho i get ideas midway through speed-typing and just go with them.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

no, not really bad. some kind of off-topic, yes, but not bad. i just don’t reply.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

romantic things in general. the emotions and sensations that come with touch and affection, because i don’t write those based on experience.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

…a lot. just. a lot.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

bruh yeah. i even have projects that have spinoffs/sequels where i want to write the sequels before the actual project 

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

ideally, that would be to write and then feel satisfied with what i’ve written, in terms of the degree of accomplishment (did i just finish a subsection or a chapter? get past a part where i was stuck?) and the quality. most days, it’s too high a goal.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

infinitely, yes. it’d be a little embarrassing if i didn’t improve since childhood

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

i,, i don’t know, i like and hate them all to some degree lmfao

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

:)))) i don’t want to talk about it. if you read my writing journal though, you might be able to tell what it is.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

hopefully finished with a couple of things, still writing, and maybe with some writer friends? I HOPE AND CREI

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

…finding a word processor. LMAO idk each aspect has its own easy and hard moments depending on the type of project you’re working on. getting excited about an idea, maybe? that’s easy

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

writing

33. Why do you write?

because i have been for years and don’t know how to do anything else, and because i want to be the content i want to see in the world. also because i have like 34838 worlds in my head and need a medium for all of them 

[rvinsounds]

-- only one in which someone shows up at jess’ cafe and saebom is jealous 

a/n: i said i had an idea for crack and this is it LOLOL but i’m writing it in group chat form, like in facebook messenger or smth but probably some wizarding app :D i’m copying the format from a fic bc lazy + effort = no

- GROUP CHAT: ‘LOSERS’ [8 MEMBERS] -

[19:47] ‘jess’ has entered the group chat

jess: GUYS 

jess: GUYS 

jess: G U Y S 

jess: G 

jess: U 

jess: Y 

jess: S 

[19:50] 

jess: no guys seriously i have some crazy news like legit crazy news what the fuck why i no one fucking here i’m ignoring my cafe for this 

jess: G U Y S 

jess: don’t make me start calling people 

[19:51] ‘ara’ has entered the group chat

ara: i’m here!

jess: i don’t wanna have to repeat myseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf 

[19:52] ‘megan’ has entered the group chat 

[19:52] ‘sina’ has entered the group chat

megan: please calm down 

sina: what happened?  

jess: pls hold and stay in the chat as i go make a latte for a customer and wait for at least nadine and saebom to show up bc they need to know

[19:53] ‘saebom’ has entered the group chat

saebom: here!

[19:55] ‘nadine’ has entered the group chat

nadine: minseok told me i needed to be here 

nadine: he’s watching telly 

nadine: and yelling at it, idky he likes muggle sports so much, honestly 

jess: is everyone here 

ara: yes? i’m with chanuk 

ara: actually he’s eating, but i’ll tell him if anything important happens

jess: okay nadine is with minseok it’s fine 

jess: OH MY GOD YOU GUYS WILL NEVER GUESS WHO JUST CAME IN AND ORDERED A ROUND OF COFFEES 

jess: HOLY SHIT 

jess: HOLY 

megan: was it hongbin 

jess: SHIT 

nadine: WAIT IT WAS HONGBIN? 

nadine: WHAT

nadine: WHAT IS HE DOING IN LONDON 

megan: wait what 

ara: guys

jess: what

megan: i was joking 

jess: well 

jess: no i fucking wish it was hongbin 

jess: i would ask him to marry me on the spot 

saebom: :< 

jess: shut up 

jess: you know i love him more :D 

jess: anyways 

jess: no 

jess: it wasn’t hongbin 

jess: i would rather it have been hongbin 

jess: i need to go to his next concert tho fr 

jess: think i could close the cafe for a week and go or 

ara: probably! if you think it’s worth it 

jess: everything is worth it for hongbin 

jess: saebom let’s go watch the concert

megan: okay but who did you see? 

jess: right 

jess: so imagine this 

nadine: why can’t you tell us like a normal person gdi

jess: i’m just behind the counter, it’s p chill rn so i have a book out and i’m just reading it, making sure all the customers are okay and stuff, and i have a latte with me and it’s all fine and dandy when the door opens and 

jess: FUCKING 

jess: HARRY 

jess: FUCKING 

saebom: WHAT 

jess: POTTER 

saebom: REALLY 

jess: WALKS IN??????????? 

saebom: NO WAY 

megan: oh my god really 

nadine: YOOOOOOOOOO 

saebom: MERLIN 

jess: SODDING HARRY POTTER 

jess: man he’s p attractive for someone so old tho 

jess: i can see why bom likes him 

saebom: um, he’s the saviour of the wizarding world, what other reason do i need? 

nadine: don’t you own like half of the collectibles they’ve released of him 

nadine: saebom loves harry potter 

[20:15] ‘nadine’ changed group chat name from ‘losers’ to ‘oh saebom: harry potter fanboy extraordinaire’

saebom: HEY 

sina: i can’t believe he wanted harry potter and settled for jess 

saebom: they were LIMITED EDITION 

jess: DO U WANNA GO 

jess: WHAT DO YOU MEAN SETTLED

saebom: jess is better 

jess: SINA LET’S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE 

jess: 1V1 ME RN 

sina: no it’s kinda cold outside 

jess: i’m gonna murder you in your sleep 

nadine: saebom get out 

jess: yeah saebom get out 

megan: hey pls stop trying to murder my husband

saebom: WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN TO ME I WAS BEING NICE 

jess: he deserves it

jess: bc ur gross 

saebom: :< 

ara: guys 

ara: please stop fighting 

ara: jess please finish your story 

jess: oh right 

saebom: :< 

jess: STOP WITH YOUR SAD FACES 

[20:23] ‘jess’ changed the group chat name from ‘oh saebom: harry potter fanboy extraordinaire’ to ‘sina and saebom suck’ 

jess: anyways 

sina: i’ll catch up after 

sina: a student just came with a question 

sina: megan will update me! 

[20:26] ‘sina’ has left the chatroom

jess: he came in and i had to act natural and shit as if it wasn’t obvious i knew who he was the moment he walked in or anything 

jess: i’m going to fight him for real i swear

jess: and he ordered four cafe lattes 

jess: two flat whites 

megan: pls stop fighting my husband

jess: a caramel macchiato 

jess: three americanos 

jess: no i refuse to stop fighting sina

jess: and he bought four different danishes and six muffins 

jess: must be some auror meeting or something 

jess: BUT HE CAME TO MY CAFE FOR IT 

jess: AND IT WAS ONLY HIM? 

jess: WHY IS HE OUT BUYING COFFEES LIKE SOME INTERN??????????? 

nadine: i think they usually takes turns 

nadine: it must’ve been his turn and you were his pick 

ara: that’s so cool!

jess: I MEAN??????????????? 

jess: but you know what was 

jess: FUCKING WEIRD 

jess: he said he had wanted to try my cafe for ages now??????? 

megan: i think saebom is going to die of jealousy

jess: i’m going to DIE 

jess: IN GENERAL

jess: also saebom i got you an autograph 

jess: it even says “to saebom” 

saebom: WHAT 

[20:30] ‘nadine’ changed ‘saebom’s display name to ‘harry potter’s #1 fan’ 

harry potter’s #1 fan: HEY 

megan: she’s not wrong

[20:31] ‘harry potter’s #1 fan’ changed their display name to ‘saebom’ 

[20:31] ‘nadine’ changed the group chat name from ‘sina and saebom suck’ to ‘saebom luuurves harry potter almost as much as he luuuuuuurves jess’

jess: ew what the fuck

[20:32] ‘jess’ changed the group chat name from ‘saebom luuurves harry potter almost as much as he luuuuuuurves jess’ to ‘you guys all suck besides ara’

ara: you guys are so weird 

ara: i’m gonna go finish having dinner with chanuk before he eats everything 

ara: talk to you guys later 

[20:33] ‘ara’ has left the chatroom 

[20:33] ‘megan’ changed the group chat name from ‘you guys all suck besides ara’ to ‘guys please’ 

megan: i’m also going to go 

megan: this school won’t run itself 

megan: nadine we’re still on for lunch tomorrow? 

jess: HEY 

megan: and jess? i’ll message ara later 

nadine: yeah 

jess: ya 

megan: bye bommie 

saebom: bye nuna

[20:35] ‘megan’ has left the chatroom 

nadine: guess i’ll go too 

nadine: minseok finally stopped yelling at the telly 

nadine: gonna see if he wants to have ice cream

jess: why wouldn’t he want ice cream though 

[20:36] ‘jess’ changed the name of the group chat from ‘guys please’ to ‘ice cream appreciation crew even though megan is lactose intolerant’

nadine: right? 

[20:37] ‘nadine’ has left the chatroom 

jess: okay 

jess: are you picking me up? 

saebom: ofc i am 

jess: okay 

jess: some customers just came in 

jess: i’ll see you soon! 

saebom: okay 

saebom: i’ll head out now 

saebom: see you in 5?

jess: i’ll make you a coffee 

[20:42] ‘jess’ changed the name of the group chat from ‘ice cream appreciation crew even though megan is lactose intolerant’ to ‘saebom is aight’

jess: let’s buy ice cream tonight 

saebom: why are you like this 

jess: you love me 

jess: ♡

[20:45] ‘jess’ has left the chatroom 

saebom: that i do 

[20:46] ‘saebom’ has left the chatroom

[taylormarieclark]

Friends and Anxiety

I’m really not sure what I’m writing about yet but I’m just gonna go for it.

Yep.

And here

I

go.

...

Right now I am drinking the Dragon Drink from Starbucks which is SO GOOD. I got bored so I googled the health benefits of Dragon Fruit which according to Healthline, has may different kinds of vitamins and is good for helping boost your immune system. I’m always run down so I think I will buy some from the store next grocery day. (Online I found they sell bite sized bites at Target, just FYI)

I think a big chunk of my support system may be gone. There are always two sides of a story to tell, and right now all I can give you is my point of view. A little over a week ago my friend Rebekkah did my hair. She dyed it blonde. I didn’t hate it at first, I thought that I would just have to get used to the color and that would be that. A few days go by.... and people start talking, telling me that it’s just not cute and that my hair is ruined. 

Normally I probably wouldn’t do anything about it. My anxiety and I are pretty good about keeping opinions to ourselves. But coming up here in about a week, I’ll be turning 21. And I just didn’t want to feel like this on my 21st birthday. I didn’t want to feel like the whole world was pitying me on that day, because my hair is ugly. I didn’t want that to be the main point of focus. So I did something I really thought I would never do, I confronted her.

I told her that I was having anxiety about my hair. That people were saying that it didn’t look good and that it looked like my roots had grown out. I told her how much I loved her. I told her how talented she was. I told her how sorry I was for saying anything at all because I really didn’t want to. I told her I would help pay her for it to be fixed and that I could come anytime she was available, that there was no rush and that again, I was sorry.

She said that the roots were noticeable because it was blonde and that if I had picked a color other than that, it wouldn’t have been noticeable. Then she said “Figure out which color you want! Talk to you later”

I was terrified. I thought I had made such a huge mistake. I thought that I shouldn’t have said anything at all and that I ruined our friendship. I was absolutely shaken to my core. I really do get that I am making this out to be pretty dramatic but at the time it’s how I felt. I was just scared.

I went over to her house before work a few days later because she said she could do my hair that day. I get there and she is doing her own and her husband’s hair, which first of all IS AWESOME because they are doing a strip each, her’s purple and his red. I tell her that I have to leave around 8:30 to go to work.

“Why do you keep getting called into work?” she asks

“I didn’t, it’s my work week. Today is Wednesday.”

“Oh.... I thought it was Tuesday. Sorry...I won’t have time to do it. Did you just wanna chill here?”

"I’m not sure.”

I start to panic and I feel my chest fall into my stomach and my hands begin to shake. All I can think is: I have to run.

So I did.

“I’m just gonna go, I’ll see you guys later..” I say as I start speed walking to the door.

“Oh okay, well drive safe..” She responds.

I open the door and close it fast, the door hitting hard when it closes. I run down the stairs and to my car, get in and drive off fast.

About half an hour later when I’m at home, I get a text from Jose.

Jose: “Wtf was that? You ok?”

Me: “Yeah just want you guys to have your space.”

Jose: “Oh well you can just say that and not slam the door. We have a baby. Bekkah just wanted to finish your hair.”

Me: “If I slammed the door I didn’t mean to. It did shut kind of hard and I’m sorry about that. And I know that I just have to work tonight. I’m aware you have a baby who I love.”

Jose: “It’s okay just next time try not to please. I know you have a lot of problems you need to discuss with Bekkah and it’s good for her to have a friend to talk to. Plus she asked you to stay so you didn’t waste gas. Yep.”

I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t think. So I left him on read and haven’t spoken to him since.

Then yesterday he posted a picture on Facebook that said this: “I REFUSE TO KISS ANYBODY'S ASS. YOU WANNA BE MAD OVER SOME PETTY SHIT? STAY MAD BECAUSE IDGAF.” Then tags Rebekkah and says “you know....... that one person..... lolol” and she laughed reacts and commented memes that said “oh she mad.”.

This broke my heart. It’s stupid I know. What this is IS petty drama, and I really don’t want any part in it. I made a mistake. I should have communicated my feelings better.

I was never angry. My anxiety and I have good days and bad days, and that was one of the bad days. I had a slip up. I struggle every single day with being open and honest with the people I love. Telling her that I didn’t like my hair, as simple as it may seem, was hard. And reactions like this are the exact reason why I close myself off from the world a lot of the time. But I know in my heart that being honest and telling her was the right thing to do. Because friends don’t lie (yes bois i watch Stranger Things).

Hopefully we will be okay, time will pass and things will go back to normal. I know I’m not a perfect person. I never will be. But I will continue to fight this panic that runs throughout my body when I come across a hard situation. I will continue to work on me and better myself for myself and for the people I care about.

Well I guess I figured out what I wanted to write about.

Thanks for stopping by and don’t forget to brush your teeth this morning. That’s right, I know you haven’t done it yet. 

Until next time,

- P H O E N I X

[sage-nebula]

Mystic Messenger - Entry Seven

Aaand we’re back, with a very appropriately named entry. If you missed it, Entry Six is here, and I highly recommend reading it, because we left off on a very heartbreaking note that is referenced in the very first screencap I have:

I mean, he had that conversation with me, so yes, Yoosung, I read it. Please use your head a little. =P I didn’t take any more screencaps of this particular part of the conversation, because a lot of it was ground we had already tread, what with being worried about Seven and the dangers of his agency job, et cetera. At one point the fact that Yoosung’s mother is now staying with him was brought up, but then the conversation swung back around to Seven thanks to Yoosung:

Thanks.

I mean . . . I can’t really deny this . . . especially since I know, thanks to the VNM moments, that it’s true . . . but it still makes me feel bad. T__T He doesn’t need to potentially get himself killed because of me. I am not worth that.

Anyway, the conversation shifted again, back to Yoosung’s mom. He’s not supposed to play LOLOL with her there, and he’s not supposed to be on his phone, either. He was only in this chat because she was sleeping, but---

I know that feel, tbh. There were quite a few times growing up when I had to be careful not to be caught on electronics after curfew. Thank god I am an adult living on my own now, tbh. I CAN MAKE ALL THE BAD CHOICES I WANT AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME.

I love how Jaehee also played along a little, lolololol. Make the soap, Yoosung. Just do us all a favor and don’t make it according to Fight Club’s instructions, thanks.

I know Seven will protect me, but WHO WILL PROTECT HIM. T__T The fact that Jaehee brought up the “Seven will protect you” out of the blue was touching to me, but I am so worried about him . . . honestly, I wish I could protect him, but so far I haven’t had that option and somehow I get the feeling that the game won’t give it to me . . .

That’s an extremely fitting number of gold hearts at the top there, so I had to cap it while it lasted. ♥ Lucky, lucky~♥ And on a more story-oriented note---

Literally could not resist, lol. IF YOU THOUGHT THAT THE TIME FOR DRAGGING ZEN WAS OVER, YOU THOUGHT WRONG. IT’S ALWAYS TIME TO DRAG ZEN. EVERY OPPORTUNITY IS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY TO DRAG ZEN.

I mean, same, tbh. I hate to agree with Zen about anything, but . . . same.

Anyway, at some point after this there was a chat with Seven. I’m missing a lot of screenshots (I guess I got too wrapped up in the story and perhaps forgot to take them, whoops), but when Seven returned he tried to brush everything off as him feeling too sentimental because of the late hour, lack of sleep, and overwork. He claimed that everything was fine and that it was just “late night sentimentality”, et cetera. (I’m pretty sure we were in a chat with Jumin at the time, too.) I do know that I played along with him a bit, saying that I had also heard of that “condition”, and even Jumin played along a little bit by telling a story of a man who had died because he climbed up onto his roof to look at the moon due to how beautiful it was / how sentimental it made him feel, but then he fell to his death. And at that point:

I’m actually not sure what that emoji is supposed to be. It was a moving one, and here’s the other frame:

Is it supposed to be, like, a kissing one? I’ve tried to Google a bit, but I can’t find a descriptor for it. =/ Well, anyway, moving on.

The conversation moved on a bit, with Jumin asking if Seven had heard from V yet, the answer to which is, obviously, still no. (Honestly, V, what are you doin’.) And that actually led to a bit of Seven’s lovely humor:

(For context: Jumin was currently somewhere in the middle east for a meeting with an oil prince. I’m not just being lazy, that is literally what is said in the narrative. Jaehee sent him there so he wouldn’t have time to work on more cat businesses.)

Anyway, the conversation moved on again, with Jumin bringing Seven’s distress back to the forefront again. Even though Seven had tried to brush off what happened as late-night sentimentality, Jumin still tried to offer some advice. And that advice is . . .

I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. In my defense, “you can’t focus because of me lol” was the right answer anyway. And plus, it gave Seven another cute moment of channeling the Tenth Doctor:

And Jumin that funny moment of saying “. . . anyway” to try and move on the conversation away from the banter and back to the original subject. We talked a bit more about this, and while I am absolutely amused that Jumin took the opportunity to drag Zen out of the blue (finally biting back at Zen the way Zen has honestly been attacking him all game):

I have to say that, in the end:

“To be honest, I don’t like that he told Seven to just get rid of his emotions.” 

Like, I understand Jumin’s point: It is absolutely true that Seven is having difficulty focusing on his work because he’s too busy worrying about me, and it’s also true that he has to do his work for the agency, et cetera. But the problem with telling Seven---and I mean specifically Seven---to “get rid of his emotions” is that Seven is already in a state where he believes that he, as a person, doesn’t matter. He has pretty much no regard for his own health, safety, or security, and he seems to have had it drilled into his head that he isn’t allowed to have feelings or people that he cares about. Vanderwood in particular keeps repeatedly drilling this into him. So by telling him that he has to get rid of his emotions, what Jumin is actually doing is furthering the damage the agency has already done. That isn’t Jumin’s intention, of course---Jumin is legitimately only trying to help Seven focus---but that’s what he’s doing, and I don’t like it. Seven doesn’t need to dissociate or repress his feelings even more than he already has; he deserves to live an emotionally healthy, stable life with people who love him, and I’m glad I had the opportunity to say that.

[/soapbox]

Anyway, that conversation continued along that vein for a bit, with all of us talking about how emotions are important, et cetera, you get the drill. That’s not important. What is important is that there was another VNM after that, featuring our old friend WEIRDO!

UH-OH. (Sorry for taking the screencap like this. I didn’t realize until four messages in that I should have been taking screencaps all along.)

So I had already figured out before that Weirdo had his sights set on me, and this pretty much confirms it, since “CCTV in the hallway” is the defining set-up of the apartment I’m currently trapped in (i.e. Rika’s old apartment). I should mention that I’m not the only thing in that apartment that Weirdo is after. If you’ll remember, all of the classified information for the RFA is in that apartment, and while I might not have included screencaps of this before, Jumin mentioned at one point that there was an incident at the last party where some hacker group tried to get the guest list information due to all of the high-profile people who had attended. Seven had thwarted that attempt, but it’s not out of the question that Weirdo here is part of an organization (“Mint Eye”) that also wants that information, on top of wanting me.

And trust me---he wants me.

Okay,

This plan makes no sense.

I mean, obviously he wants to use me to get at Seven, whom he hates for some reason (more on that in a second), so that I understand. I also understand that this is part of some grand scheme against the RFA, and that the information he seeks is very valuable (hence why it’s classified to begin with)---all of that makes sense. But the part about using me as a plant doesn’t make sense at all, because---

Why?

Here’s the thing:

When this game started out, I knew nothing. Literally, the game starts out with Weirdo contacting me through a chat app on my phone (that would later become the RFA app), sending me to Rika’s apartment under the pretense of returning the phone that he (Weirdo) had found. We were supposed to meet there or something, it didn’t make a lot of sense. But the point I’m trying to make here is that I didn’t even know Weirdo’s name. I had no idea who he was, or what the RFA was, or who any of these people were. And it wasn’t like he had asked me to get the information for him, like, “Please talk to them and get this information once you’re in the apartment” --- that was never established. Aside from the very bizarre message in the chat that left me shook a couple entries ago, Weirdo hadn’t made an attempt to contact me again at all. So how, pray tell, did Weirdo plan to use me to get this information? How? Was he planning to hack the security system while Seven was distracted by The Party™? Because if he knows Seven, he should know better. He should know that wouldn’t work. So in that case, wouldn’t it make more sense to plant someone from Mint Eye, sending them to the apartment instead under the pretense of being a completely innocent person that just so happened to be sent to the apartment? They could pull the same stunt they did with me, only fabricating the entire thing so that the person could act as a spy, get the information, and get out. Instead, they sent him some stranger off the street (literally) and then didn’t even bother to get the information once she was in there. Like ??? It makes no sense. Who is running this operation? Weirdo? Rika? Whoever came up with this plan is seriously bad at plans. It’s a disaster. Like, I know it’s because the protag had to get there somehow, but come on, that is a terrible plan that makes no sense. Weirdo, you and your entire organization deserve to fail for the stupidity of your plan alone, for real.

mfw:

DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME, WEIRDO? DO YOU?? JUST TRY. JUST TRY TO HARM ONE HAIR ON HIS HEAD. I WILL END YOU AND I WON’T EVEN BE SORRY. 

Anyway, that surprisingly was not the end of the VNM, because even though we finished up with Weirdo, we flipped over to Seven’s house, and---

And then I accidentally clicked too fast through the rest of them (orz sorry for being such a failure), so here:

me @ Vanderwood: 

Like, honestly? Those last two lines? How dare they. How DARE they threaten him like that, I’M---! 

But in all honesty, I feel that this is confirmation that there is some kind of tap at Seven’s house, because I’m pretty sure the laughter that Seven heard is Weirdo’s, which means there’s some kind of connection between the two places that Seven doesn’t realize. Considering that Weirdo was aware of what was going on in the RFA chat despite Seven thinking that the chat was safe, I find that to be pretty likely. (It’s also possible that the chat is safe, but that Weirdo knew that Seven was on to him due to overhearing things Seven just said at his house.) Either way, Seven isn’t safe, but he’s not the one that he’s worried about.

There were two phone calls that took place between now and the next VNM (which is the next thing I have screencaps of---no chats). The first was a phone call that Seven placed to me to check on me, telling me to check in the hallway, outside of the window, et cetera. There were two answer choices: One joking one about finding a cockroach, and the other just “everything is fine”, and there are no guides to tell you which phone choice to pick (I think because the phone choices don’t raise or lower affection, probably), so I picked the second one to reassure him. This was a mistake, because it made him think he was bothering me, so he ended the call quickly. T__T I called him back immediately and he went on about how he picked up even though he shouldn’t have, how he’s not supposed to be talking on the phone because he’ll get in trouble, but his heart is having palpitations and---

WHAT A DORK, I LOVE HIM.

Anyway, there were no doubt some chats after that (at least one), but there must not have been anything important in them, because I have no caps. Instead, the next caps I have are from another VNM between Seven and Vanderwood, and this---this was when Vanderwood brought up the rival agency that used to exist that their client had hired before:

Okay, so I originally took this screencap because I laughed at “X-Pile,” because . . . X-Pile . . . X-File . . . you get it. But Seven was like, “Yeah, they used to be a rival agency”, and then Vanderwood goes on to explain that they used to exist because Seven and Vanderwood’s current client (or at least, their agency’s current client, though Seven is the one assigned to the case) had hired X-Pile previously, only X-Pile failed them. More specifically, X-Pile was one minute late getting the requested information, and the client destroyed them so thoroughly that not only did their agency cease to exist, but all of the members are still missing one year later, save for the one who is rumored to be somewhere on the African continent “with a limp.” Their current client is Seriously Bad News™ and Vanderwood is pretty certain that they (Seven and Vanderwood) at the least will literally actually die if Seven does’t get the work done by the deadline, which is basically now since it’s at the end of the day. Seven’s reaction?

Baby, I don’t blame you. ;_; Though I think it’s a lot more than just his concerns about his own personal safety when working with a psychotic client. I think it also has a lot to do with the fact that the work he’s supposed to be doing for them is heavily implied to be shady af (remember, he thinks that he’s a filthy, awful person), so he both hates the work, and is super stressed out and worried, and has a high probability of being actually murdered because there’s little to no chance that he’s going to get the work done on time.

Anyway, Vanderwood refuses to let him quit, of course, and starts talking about more abuse-as-motivation again, but Seven really needs his space, so he just---

SEVEN . . . ♥ Keep in mind that Vanderwood had tried to interrupt him several times here (and that Vanderwood does apparently use feminine pronouns---or at least, Seven used one for Vanderwood here), and at one point even asked him if he was “chanting to Buddha” even though “you’re Catholic” (and he is Catholic, so Vanderwood was correct in pointing that out), but Seven just kept chanting nonsense, ignoring Vanderwood except to say (at one point), that he needed to concentrate. But can we take a moment to appreciate some of the gems in this gibberish? Personally, my favorites are:

“plz help”

“life mathz hard”

“follow tehe law”

“neverending life”

Oh, Seven . . . Seven, I love you so much, you clever boy.

Anyway, once Vanderwood left, Seven had the space he needed to once again check the RFA chat and the CCTV feed, but . . .

THAT’S WHEN THINGS GOT REAL.

Seven noticed that the special security system at the apartment had been hacked. I can’t remember the exact details (and I didn’t take screencaps orz), but essentially, Weirdo had deactivated and reactivated the system, and had adjusted the algorithms just enough to make Seven realize that the system had been compromised. He put the pieces together with everything else that had happened and realized, to his horror, that I was in very real, very imminent danger.

Now, I only have scattered screencaps for these next few parts, which I realize might be disappointing, but in my defense things were very, very intense and I was a bit distracted. Either way, as soon as Seven realized that Weirdo had compromised the special security system at the apartment, he called me, and was immensely relieved when I picked up. However:

Baby, no. ;__; First of all, you don’t have to be perfect. Second, you’re perfect in my eyes anyway, and third, THIS ISN’T YOUR FAULT T__T

BABY ;A;

Even though Seven had made it very clear that he was super worried and needed to get to me ASAP through the phone call, the next chat that followed was still between the two of us and (obviously) focused on the same topic:

I mean, tbh, I’ve been trying to get Seven to come to this apartment for (in-game) days now, but at the same time, these . . . are not the circumstances in which I imagined him coming by. Like, this is the first time we’ll ever meet in person. I, personally, wanted that to be a happy meeting, not one under dire circumstances in which Weirdo wants to kidnap me. (Personally, I think Weirdo should bring it, because if I had my way I’d wreck him, but . . .) Either way, as you can see, Seven is VERY DEFINITELY COMING OVER, so . . . fuck the agency, I guess.

And actually, SPEAKING OF---

So earlier, when Seven rattled off nonsense to get Vanderwood to leave, Vanderwood did under the pretense of smoking a cigarette outside. And to be fair, that DOES seem to be what Vanderwood was doing (due to the dialogue). However, it seems that Vanderwood was also calling up the agency, tattling about how Seven still wasn’t finished with the work. I mean, there was a bit thrown in there about how skilled Seven is:

Except, that’s . . .

CCS is an acronym which stands for “cascading style sheets”, and it specifically refers to web design. CCS is what we use to make our layouts here on tumblr. It’s what web designers use period in order to design web pages (though there are other coding languages which are used as well, particularly depending on the type of design you want to do---like, HTML and Javascript are also both programming languages, for instance). It’s not really something that you “decode”, at least not in terms of hacking like Vanderwood is implying here. Of course, there are scripts that you can insert into CCS for various purposes; you can hide IP loggers there, for instance, as well as cookies, malware, and other such things to catch someone unaware when they visit a certain page. But I still don’t think that really counts as “decoding” it. I could be wrong, maybe there’s something about decoding CCS that I’m not aware of, but I just don’t see how CCS really fits here, and I feel like this might have been a case of the game devs wanting to sound smart but just kind of . . . missing the mark. Maybe I’m wrong, though. I highly doubt it, but maybe I am.

Anyway.

Despite talking about Seven’s skills and how he was a prodigy, apparently, Vanderwood actually uses this against him. Vanderwood talks about how they hadn’t “properly trained” Seven due to the fact that he was so skilled despite being so young, but---

mfw:

STAY. AWAY. FROM MY. BOY. >:(

Fortunately, even if I couldn’t be there to protect Seven, someone else was . . . !

8D Remember that fire-breathing robot puppy that Seven made for me? ROBOT PUPPY TO THE RESCUE! 

EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU, THAT IS MY DOG. DON’T YOU DARE INSULT MY DOG, YOU FUCKER. >(

Anyway, RoboDog is a good boy, and proved it by breathing fire at Vanderwood the moment that Vanderwood noticed Seven sneaking into one of his cars. (Not that Seven cared too much that he got caught. He was just like, “Sorry, got somewhere to be, lol bye” and left.) And while that’s all well and good, and Seven got a chance to get out, and there was a brief chat between us (Seven, you are DRIVING) in which Seven said he was on his way but would have to stop the car ten minutes away from the apartment so that he couldn’t be tracked, another VNM kicked in, and . . .

Oh dear.

OH DEAR.

Weirdo goes on to say that he’s also the one who left the creepy messages in the chat, and sent the strange e-mail, and yadda yadda. He explained that everyone in the RFA is nothing but a bunch of frauds and that he alone (along with Mint Eye) can lead the world to prosperity and happiness. Seriously, he insisted, the RFA is fake and full of traitors and can do nothing---

This is what basically confirms the fact that Rika is the mysterious “savior” in my mind. V was Rika’s boyfriend before her death, and while I’m not sure why Rika would hate Luciel, Weirdo here has more than enough reason (but more on that in a moment), and I can speculate on why Rika would manipulate Weirdo into feeling that way (namely, because she needed someone who could counter and out-hack Seven). Rika could see the fact that V “easily moved on” from her death as a betrayal, and therefore could want to take him down especially, in addition to wanting to dismantle the rest of the RFA. The fact that Weirdo singles out both V and Seven---and the fact that we know that Rika is still alive---only makes sense if you consider that Rika is behind everything.

But enough about that. Let’s get back to the story.

Although Weirdo does try to coax me over to him (despite all the glass on the floor from where he jumped in through the window, shattering it in the process), he also tries to get me to willingly agree to go along with him. And it should be mentioned here that this is about the time in which I was fooled, however briefly, into thinking that I had ended up in the Bad End. The guide I was using said something about how “if you only have one answer selection, you got the bad end”, and for a moment, I did only have one answer selection, instead of all the choices the guide said I was supposed to have. Specifically, I had one that said, “Seven!! Save me!!” (which . . . is so OoC for me personally . . . but I have to just roll with it), and so I just felt my heart sink, like, I nearly shut the game off right there I was so upset. But I decided to keep watching, just in case, and I’m relieved I did, because I realized soon enough that I didn’t have the Bad End and was actually safe all along.

That said, I’m missing some screencaps, so there will be at least one cap with just the transcript log. Sorry about that, but I was clicking through fast because I was upset due to being briefly bamboozled into thinking I had the Bad End, so it was unavoidable.

Anyway, though I was able to tell Weirdo several times that I was not going to go with him, I still had to call out for Seven, and Weirdo . . . did not like that . . .

Because he is the love of my life and my romantic soulmate (in this game), that’s why. And as it happens---

RIGHT ON TIME! 8D

Anyway, this is the exact moment in which I was given nothing but the “SEVEN, SAVE ME” answer choice, presumably because Weirdo had grabbed me to use as a hostage (honestly, MM!Scrawlers? You might be more of a babe than I am, but you are clearly not more of a badass than I am =P KICK HIS ASS, I WANT TO KICK THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, GIVE ME THAT AS AN ANSWER CHOICE), and that’s when I got fooled into thinking I had the Bad End and just clicked through, so here’s the transcript (typing it up because sometimes the logs can be kind of hard to read):

ME: “Seven! Save me!!”

SEVEN: “Scrawlers!”

WEIRDO: “Shit! Why? Why are you here?! I thought I could finally put you in pain . . . !”

SEVEN: “You’re the hacker, right? Guess you’re not completely shameless since you’re covering yourself. You’ll go to jail for breaking and entering like this. Whoa! You broke the window. Scrawlers, be careful of the glass. You’ll get hurt if you step on it.”

ME: Yes, I’m aware glass can cut my feet, I’m not an idiot, thanks. 

SEVEN: “First, why don’t you let go of that lady over there? I hated that the agency made me go through physical training . . . but I guess it did help.”

WEIRDO: “Even now, all you do is just ruin my life . . .”

ME: I know, right? Shame on him for not letting you kidnap and hurt innocent people, like wtf, how dare he, you are so inconvenienced. 

SEVEN: “Huh? You know me?”

WEIRDO: “You probably don’t know. I’m sure you’ve long forgotten about me.” [removes his face mask] “You still don’t know?”

SEVEN: “No way . . .”

WEIRDO: “I guess now you do.”

Okay, so obviously my interjections there aren’t actual canonical dialogue, but they were canonical dialogue in my head, all right. It’s not like I’d snark at Seven like that out loud anyway, and I can deal with Weirdo not knowing how snarky I actually am. It’s okay if MM!Scrawlers is OoC. I can live with it.

Anyway, it’s at this point that I was given two answer choices again and realized that I was not on the Bad End path after all, so! Screencap time!

I chose the “do you know him” option, and oh boy, does he.

Look at my babe, he is SHOOK.

The two of them went back and forth for a time; Saeran hates Seven because Seven, in Saeran’s version of events, left him behind in a hellhole after promising him a happy life. Saeran feels that Seven abandoned him, doesn’t care about him, and never did---but Seven protests that this is absolutely not the case, that Rika told Seven that Saeran was happy, that he asked Rika to show him a picture of Saeran smiling and laughing and that she did, that Seven was so very sure that Saeran was taken care of because there was no way that Rika would lie---

But Saeran shouted over him, insisting that Seven was the one who was lying, that Seven didn’t care for him at all, that Seven had legally changed his name to Luciel just to forget about Saeran and leave him in the dust, et cetera. At some point during this (and I don’t remember which point it was), I was given two choices, and the choice that raised Seven’s affection / affected him positively was shouting that I loved him, which . . .

=|

I mean, I do, that’s not a lie, but at the same time the other choice was “LET ME GO” which makes a lot more sense and feels a lot more IC. But that said, I’m in it to WIN IT, so that happened. Unfortunately, shouting that pissed Saeran off even more, who grew irate that we were “lovey-dovey” without him, and decided that oh, well, then he could just hurt me to get back at Seven then, couldn’t he, he knows all sorts of refined torture techniques now---

Seven insisted that, no, I had nothing to do with this, Seven was the one who fucked up, Saeran should let me go and just torture Seven instead, which, honestly, no---

But at that point, the special security system that Seven had re-calibrated kicked in again. It recognized Saeran as a stranger and, as such, had activated a self-destruct mechanism:

It was at about this time that I bit Saeran (I mean, not exactly what I would do, but god, at least MM!Scrawlers did SOMETHING useful) and got over to Seven’s side, and Saeran---thoroughly pissed that Seven had ruined his plans---swore revenge and left, which deactivated the self-destruct mechanism.

Now, I should say that the choices get really . . . like, there are the Very Obviously Good choices, and then there are the Super Grossly Embarrassing choices, like, it’s cringeworthy how bad the bad choices are. For instance, immediately after Saeran leaves, you have these choices:

“Seven . . . are you okay?”

“Seven . . . I’m scared, hug me.”

LIKE??? Seven is very obviously Shook™ right now, things just went down, he is very familiar with Weirdo and this is causing him great distress, and you’re going to sit here and say you’re scared? Bitch, get it together!!

Fortunately, I’m not that much of a needy asshole, so I of course asked him if he was okay (which, I mean, no, he’s not). The conversation went on a bit, and then I asked him how he knows Saeran . . .

I mean . . . I wish I could say I was surprised by this, but when you look at them together, Saeran is obviously a re-color of Seven. They have the exact same hairstyle, just different colors. =| So I was not nearly as shook by this revelation as perhaps I ought to have been. Still though, with family like that . . .

Anyway, so Seven asked me to keep Saeran a secret from the other members of the RFA (which I agreed to do because I’m not an asshole), but then said that he was going to stay at the apartment for a while to get the security system back up to where it needs to be / protect me, which! I mean, I’m glad to have him here (I actually do want to hug him, but for his benefit, not mine), but again . . . this isn’t quite how I imagined this going. I really wanted our first meeting to be a happy one. Not . . . this. But that said, the fact that he’s here did lead to a little funny moment in the next chat:

We’re in the same room and yet we’re both in the chat, smh @ us. But there’s a good reason for it, though; Seven explains that if he posts information about the special security system in the chat, all of the other members of the RFA will be able to see it, and will therefore be in the loop. So it makes sense (even outside of gameplay things), but I still find it funny, so . . . again, smh @ us. But that said:

Okay, but it’s not nothing, though. I forgot to mention this above (too much else to focus on), but after Seven escaped and Vanderwood got a second away from RoboDog, Vanderwood talked to the agency again and they agreed that they would let Seven go for now, that Vanderwood would finish the work (how, I wonder---I really don’t think Vanderwood is capable), and that they would go after Seven later. Like, that’s not nothing. They want Seven dead (or worse). I am legit worried about him, and I’m wondering if the “Good Ending” is going to be something like, the agency completely wipes his memories and his entire identity and so we can be together, but it’s not really him, it’s the new “Seven” that doesn’t even remember who I am or everything we went through together, and . . . aghhh, I’m really hoping that’s not the case.

But that said? Everything he said here is very sweet and touching, my heart.

Zen joined the chat, then, and we got him caught up to speed (although Seven was very subdued / distracted, which Zen calls him on at one point). The important bits are:

EH-HEM. =| I beg to differ. I get where Seven’s coming from, I understand that he still believes that Rika would never manipulate his own brother into despising him, but I think . . . I think she did . . . I think she’s Saeran’s savior . . . I’m completely convinced . . . 

Okay, this wasn’t necessarily important, but it just . . . made me happy at the time. Anyway, shortly after this Seven announced that he was going to go take a shower (and don’t worry, I picked the only decent and good answer choice of thanking him for all that he had done), and it was at that moment that we got a bout of hilarity as Zen finally put the pieces together:

Now, there was a Bad End answer choice here that was “>_< Now you noticed?” and honestly, as you can tell by my “finally caught on”, that is kind of the way I was feeling . . . but I’m smart, so I went with the Good End answer choice, since honestly I do prefer that one with respect to Seven’s feelings, rather than my constant need to want to drag / snark at Zen:

As much as I dislike Zen, him having a fucking stroke in the chat over the idea that Seven and I could Get Busy™ slayed me. Even now, I’m grinning about it. 

. . . Unfortunately, that was where the grinning stopped.

So there was another VNM after this, wherein Seven was presumably done with his shower, fully dressed, et cetera. And he . . . well . . . 

Baby. ;__; I told him that I wasn’t uncomfortable at all, and that he should make himself at home, but:

Um. Ouch.

I asked him if everything was fine with the agency, and if he was being chased (I know they want him, of course, but my character doesn’t), and he said that yeah, but it’s fine, and he’s used to it, and

NO T__T WORST END, DON’T DO THAT.

I tried again to coax him out of the corner, figuring he was uncomfortable there, but he refused. I tried to ask him more about his brother, but he again refused to tell me, saying that I had no need to know, that he shouldn’t have even told me what he did, that it’s better if I just forgot it, et cetera. I then asked, “Are you really going to be like this with me?” and that . . . well . . . he---

mfw:

Like, OKAY . . . here’s the thing:

It’s FINE with me if he doesn’t want to be my bf. Like, I get it. I get where he’s coming from. And TO BE HONEST, I feel like there are much bigger problems at hand right now than whether or not he’s my bf. Like, for instance, the fact that he has an intelligence agency out for his blood, or the fact that Weirdo is his long-lost twin brother, et cetera. These are far bigger issues and, if I was in his shoes, I wouldn’t want to have to worry about romance either. (It’s another reason why the Bad End answer choices are so goddamn gross, like---goddamn, get a clue, have some sense of decency and awareness, ffs.) So I get all of that, and that’s not why my heart broke.

My heart broke because, like . . . we can at least . . . talk? Be friends? Like, he said “any sort of personal relationship” which, to me, includes friendship. And like, again, I get it if he never wants to see me again after this, that’s fine . . . but right now we’re just sitting in the same apartment in complete silence, not talking at all, and like . . . that sucks. That really sucks. Like I said before, although I second guessed and double-checked myself against the guide, when it comes to Seven, nine times out of ten I’d naturally pick the right choice. I feel, even outside of just wanting to win his route, that we’re naturally compatible. We fit. And so it really, really sucks that we’re just sitting here in complete silence in this apartment, that he doesn’t want to talk at all, that he won’t even sit near me, and while I get why (he’s trying to shut off his feelings), it just . . . it sucks. I didn’t have any ~*~fantasies~*~ about him, however much we joked about a space station wedding, but . . . I thought we were at least friends. I guess . . . I thought wrong. And that’s fine, if he wants that---you don’t need consent to end a relationship, just to start one---but he’s not even acknowledging that he’s ending one. He’s saying it never existed. And that . . . that hurts.

. . . And yes, I’m aware he’s a fictional character and this isn’t real, but I’m INVESTED, god damn it, don’t judge me!!

Anyway, so we’re in the same apartment now, albeit not speaking, which sucks. (And at the risk of being judged, I’ve even imagined a few extraneous, fic-like scenarios that take place during this time, but . . . those can just stay in my head.) I had a chat with Jumin after this in which we talked about how he has returned from his trip to the middle east, and we talked a bit about things going on, et cetera, and at the end of it:

Jumin, you will call Sir over my dead body, and that’s a fact. =|

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for now. The story will continue on in Entry Eight. Stay tuned!

[athleisure-aesthetic]

This is a long post because I went on a few rants, but there are workouts and stuff in there, I promise ;) stay tuned for commentary on vanity sizing and non-scale victories!

April 13 Thursday’s workout was super speedy. Legs and a quick stretching NTC workout. I meant to do curtsy lunges to finish it out, but I was crunched for time and my legs were already burning from the seasaw lunges and step-ups because my bench was higher than a normal one would be. I always get kind of frustrated when my NTC workout ends up being a lowkey stretching one, because I use it to replace cardio for the day. I’m starting to think I should either do more than one or just do cardio anyway. At least I got in a nice half hour walk at lunch; it was much colder than I was expecting since the rest of this week has been so nice! Still pretty out tho. And my skull shirt is badass. The end.

Went to Whole Foods with Ani when I got home to get some goodies for the weekend, and really stuck to my list (which I was proud of, bc that store is a literal TRAP) which included chocolate milk as a post-workout fuel… ASK ME HOW HYPE I AM TO START DRINKING CHOCO MILK AGAIN!!! (very. obviously.) Also started growing a mini protein bar collection because now I’m terrified of not properly fueling post-workout, so now I’m going to have very little excuse not to, since these babies are extremely portable. Just throw one in ya workout bag, and there you go. Don’t even have to remember to get it from my lunch box. I’m finally trying RXBAR and a few Quest Bar flavors (shoutout to @runningwhilenotdying for the suggestion, ty girl!) for now, in addition to the Luna Protein bars I still have. Still going to have to try a few to find out which works best for me.

Legs / butt workout 3x each 15 reps weighted glute bridges, 10# 15 reps goblet squats, 10# 20 reps step ups, alt. sides, 10# 20 reps seasaw lunges, alt. sides 15 reps weighted lying leg curls, 6# 40 s wall sits 10 reps burpee + high jump alternating leg swing stretches instead of curtsy lunges bc I’m a wimpy bitch lol

Listening to: “Under You” by Nick Jonas

April 14 Today is the day John Mayer’s full album is out, something I realized halfway through Friday morning while working from home, so I blasted the FUCK out of it in my apartment and haven’t stopped listening since. Ani took the day off, so it was just me at home designing, which is literally what I wish every work day of my life could be. Making my own schedule, eating and working out whenever I want and not having to worry about when I’m going to finish, not having to talk to people lol.

I decided to workout around 11ish and had to do arms / upper body without weights, which was a bit challenging considering my weak wrists and lack of free weights. BUT I made it, and my wrists weren’t ded afterwards, so I guess I’m building up some strength? Plus check out my schweaty knees, aren’t they purty? It was a dec workout, so hype it. HOWEVER, in the middle of my last set, this awful ringing started in my apartment, which I identified as the fire alarm after panicking for like 2 seconds. Then there was this weirdo announcement in our hallway as if we were in a damn dorm, saying to evacuate asap so I was like o fuck ok let me get my things. Ran outside with my purse and a jacket, ran into the woman who legit hates me and Ani for being loud on the weekend two whole times (fuck her tho it was a Friday and Saturday at like 11pm get your panties out of your ass amirite) and she was like idk what’s going on I’m probably not going downstairs. I was like ????? um if there’s a fire I’m not dying so bye. So I ran down 8 flights of stairs to find no one in the lobby. Sick. It was a false. Alarm. Bc they’re doing construction right in front of the elevators. Motherfuckers. So I had to go back up 8 flights of stairs once I got the approval from the doorman. Thx for the cardio break, how’d you know I needed that? 🙄 Finished my set, worked for a bit longer, then showered and decided I was done working for the day lol.

It was pay day and I was bored so I kinda went a little nuts on a shopping trip. As usual, I mostly bought athleisure, buuuuuuuuuuut there are some significant things about this shopping trip that I must share.

1: I willingly purchased two pairs of athletic shorts. I do not wear anything but leggings to workout in, because I hate the way my legs look, and I usually feel much more mobile and flexible in leggings, even if it’s like 90 degrees out and July. But I tried on two pairs of black shorts, and could actually see myself not only wearing them like to bed, but like… doing active things in them, and being ok with seeing my legs. First #NONSCALEVICTORY o the day.

2: I not only willingly tried on a one piece bathing suit, I tried on two, AND I purchased one. Every person alive knows too well the personal torture of trying on bathing suits, especially in dressing rooms that have awful fluorescent lighting that does not flatter anyone. But for some reason I was in a good mood about my bod (perhaps after the shorts win), so I grabbed two suits and said to myself, fuck it, don’t feel bad about yourself, but do not get your hopes up. This could go great, or it could not. Don’t let this be a reflection of how hard you’ve been working. It might just not fit, that’s not your fault. BUT THEY BOTH FIT REALLY DECENTLY OK. The one was like bright red and v scandalous and tbh I did not have the boobs to fill out that sucker. So despite it fitting ok, I couldn’t go with it. But the other was stripey and rouchey and pretty comfortable, so I was like welp. I need at least one suit for the summer, and can’t picture myself using any of the ones from last summer, and I don’t feel like total crap in this. So. I bought it!

3: I purchased at least one thing of every size (S, M, L, and XL), which proves that sizing is fake and literally doesn’t fucking matter. I like all my tops a little baggy and all of my bottoms tight (except those shorts I ended up getting, but who knew I would even buy shorts…). That’s just my personal preference style-wise. I went to four different stores, and ended up getting clothing that fit me, but when I was ripping the tags off when I got home, I noticed that all the sizes were different. I bought a shirt from Uniqlo (AMAZING STORE, btw, never been before today) that was a size small, which is something I haven’t done in like literally maybe 7-8 years. I also bought a cropped sweatshirt from Marshall’s in XL, even though I thought it was a large when I bought it. Either way, it’s not like my body morphed mid-shopping trip. I was the same size all day, but the stores decided I was all over the place. This just makes me a, hate the fashion industry for forcing this imaginary 00 system and ideals of size-shaming on us, but also b, feel better about myself because I know that I can’t be reliant on just being one size. I used to think of my weightloss in terms of pants sizes. Like last Friday when I was wearing actual pants, they were 12s. But like. A 12 at one store could be a 16 at another, or an 8. I used to say, oh I just want to be down to a consistent 8. That would be the perfect amount of weight to lose. If I get there, I’ll know that I’m good. But I’m really starting to see that that number and that size doesn’t exist. There is no universe in which an 8 at every store will fit the same. So judging yourself on a system that’s literally impossible to fit into is just a recipe for hurt and shame. So now I’m just gonna grab any size that looks like it’ll fit. It’s still not fun to see a higher number, but that’s going to be a mindset I have to get myself out of, and this post is proof that it doesn’t matter. I want to base my happiness with my fitness on phyiscal progress: what I can DO with my body, not just how it looks in the clothes I inevitably have to wear. But today, for a few reasons, I felt really good, and I’m proud to have seen not only one, but a few non-scale wins. Hype it the FUCK up.

Whew. That was a lot, sorry. I almost feel like a doing a ~haul~ like I’m on some fashion youtube channel, I bought so many fun things. But whatever, I doubt anyone cares about that except me lolol.

Honestly sometimes I think I just like to buy some things because I’m happy they fit me, not because I need them or are in love with them. Is that weird? I feel like I’m a pretty specific shape (very short and curvy, but not curvy everywhere), so when I find something I actually think fits me, I usually just say, yeah I’ll wear this. I definitely am spending too much money that way, but it’s nice to feel like a lot of things are fitting me well for once.

Arms / upper body workout 3x each 20 reps shoulder taps, alt. sides 10 reps pushups 20 reps walk outs + twist, alt. sides 10 reps tricep dips 50 reps arm circles forward 50 reps arm circles backward 20 reps lat pull downs + shoulder squeeze 35s, 40s, 45s plank 10 reps decline push ups 10 reps burpee + high jump + 5 jumping jacks PLUS 8 flights of stairs when my fucking fire alarm went off and the elevator didn’t work 🙃

Listening to: “Burlesque” by Christina Aguilera OR the Voices in Your Head a cappella version, both are fun

April 15 I was hella nervous for my run today; 6 miles seemed like a lot to me, and after last week’s long run on the treadmill, it had been a while since I’d done a long one outside. The last time I finished a long run outside, I felt like death. So this time I wanted to be really prepared; I read some articles and youtube videos on how to run longer without like dying, and made sure to focus on my breathing and warmup. Once I left my apartment, I didn’t start my timed run for about 10ish minutes but still ran slow to get my legs ready. Then I did some of the moves from the videos, and set off. Today I went towards the art museum and Kelly Drive for the first time, which was definitely busy for a Saturday morning, but it was kinda gray out and mid-50s which is like perfect running weather. I felt really good for like literally the whole run, and I couldn’t tell if it was the new place, good music, or what, but I was surprised at how quickly the miles came and went. I stopped at 4.56 miles to take the picture in front of the art museum, walked briskly up the hill to the building, then ran the rest of the way on the rest of the Schuykill River Trail and back towards home. I finished a little ways away from home and was inspired by a boy who seemed to be blind or albino who was running with a small leash with a girl, and continued jogging all the way home. So I really totalled something like 7.10 miles and they felt GREAT which is INSANE for me. Like that’s so many miles. And I haven’t run that far in so long, and they actually felt GOOD??? Like who am I?

I rewarded myself with a cinnamon roll protein shake, a little more shopping (I ended up getting the black Nike Tanjuns for anyone who saw my post last night lol), and Chick-Fil-A nuggets for lunch. Was considering making this day a cheat day when I saw the Chick-Fil-A, but I was good and only got the nuggets. My resolve was tested when I saw a girl with a Rita’s cup right when I got home and I wanted to be like OMG GIRL WHERE IS THERE A RITA’s AROUND HERE???!??! But clearly I held myself back.

Guess that means more Easter chocolate for me tomorrow hayyyyyy

6.02 mi 10'20" min / mi

Listening to: “Hair” by Little Mix

[imsarabum]

Responses to {Part 19} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU Asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^ 

@jynxy24 said: I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOONGI'S AND READER'S INTERACTION OMG THE ANGTS WILL BE COMING! Will there be gore tho? @-@

Although there wasn’t an interaction between Yoongi and the reader last night...there will be blood!

Anonymous said: I feel like Jungkook's mum will laugh at her saying 'its dracula'

It more so bothered her because it gave her an incline that the reader knows something or has a preconceived idea^^

Anonymous said: A small part of me hopes the series never ever end (even tho i am shit at suspense) because currently , tuesday is the highlight of my entire week

Well it won’t be ending soon! I can promise you that ^^ There is still a LOT to happen ^^ hehe, thank you so much my dear :)

Anonymous said: IT IS TUESDAY AND IM READY!!! I have my tissues just incase!! I also have some alcohol just incase 😐

Yay I hope you enjoyed the update! :D

Anonymous said: What to do when your crush lives your friend?:'-' I'll die. Anyway, sooo looking forward to tonight's chapter like omgggggggg in what time will u update?

I’m probably the worst person to ask for advice on that because I would just cry haha >< I always update between 9-10pm UK time ^^ I hope you enjoyed the update if you read it! Thank you so much :D

@kamcia12323 said: Omg can't wait for today's chapter. I have been waiting the whole week wanting to know what's lext! Thank you for the wonderful story, i have been following it from chapter 1 and love it. Hope you have a lovely evening.

I hope you enjoyed it if you got a chance to read it! Thank you for following since the beginning :) I hope you have a lovely evening/day too!

@pineapple-in-a-dress said: Im so excited for the new Junkook vampire au chapter, I love the story so damn much! it sucks so much that im in CET time, I'll think its time at 10pm but its 9pm at your place--

I hope you enjoyed the update if you read it! Thank you for loving it and staying up so late to read it! ^^

Anonymous said: Mom it's gonna be party lit af tonight with this update. Like my body is ready. I'm so excited 😊. I can't wait. DID YOU LIKE NOT TODAY? The video was so goooodd. And we best the record! I'm so excited. My albums are coming and it's just a BTS party this week. I'll be back later tonight with my thoughts on your lovely writings. ~LilKookie Anon

Litty titty party yay! haha I hope you enjoyed it Lilkookie :D And yes I LOVE Not Today! I’m listening to it right now actually ^^ I got my BTS albums yesterday and I got Jin and Hobi yay!!! Their cards are so cute :3 Both photos in the pink and blue albums are so wonderful, I’m really glad I got both now! (and yes - I have answered your second ask below so I hope you can find it!!)

Anonymous said: Omg life.  I'm going out tonight and I won't be able to read I won't stop u until I get back.  Pray for me. I don't have a lot of patience either. Luv ur work xx (and u xx)

Ahhh that’s okay you can always just catch up when you get home my love! I hope you enjoy it when you get a spare moment to read it, thank you and I love you too!

Anonymous said: Serrena has zero chill and I love her for it. Also Yoongi is my bias but honestly he might need some ice.😂 The only reason I can think of as to why Yoongi would need y/n is that he plans to turn random (or not so random) people and have her mature them quickly so he can make an army but I just remembered that he was surprised that Jimin was not a natum lamia anymore so he can't have known about that so I have no other theories😪

Ahh thank you so much for loving her character! *giggles* what an interesting theory though, I like that! muahaha~ Thank you for reading it and I hope it didn’t disappoint ^^

@omelys-space said: The new update was bomb ❤ Serrena is such a bad ass and I love her for it 😍😍😍 The way she handled Yoongi was gold I am so excited to see some more backstory on Jin, Hobi and especially Joonie as he seemed so different from the other two and what kind of human or whatever y/n is and how she will react upon hearing that her lover is a vampire  Looking foreward to next week 😊 Thank you for your hard and amazing work ❤

Thank you so much for liking it and Serrena’s character! And yes, I really loved the way she handled Yoongi too - it truly was a silent battle haha ^^ In future chapters, there will be more backstory on the other Rogues, but it will go MORE in depth with Namjoon I suppose ^^ Those three are truly side-characters in this series, but Namjoon is the more dominant character of the three I think ^^ Thank you so much for reading and I hope you’ll enjoy the next one too!

@kookies-hoe said: ASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM DAYUM THAT CHAPTER MADE ME STAY AT THE EDGE OF MY SEAT, I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH!!!

I’m glad it kept you on the edge of your seat yay! Thank you so much for reading it, it means a lot to me! ^^

Anonymous said: MAMA SERENA FTW!! Also if Yoongi DOES know what I am (which I can't to find out next week hopefully), wouldn't he know ALL my powers, like how I turned Chimchim into a full vampire? And I love how Yoongi legit walked in there without a plan. XD ME

It appears that EVERYONE seems to know SOMETHING about her. The question is; are they all correct? Is each person missing a vital piece of information? Will Serrena be able to provide answers? Who knows :3 hehe AND HONESTLY SAME THAT’S SOMETHING I’D DO haha. He didn’t plan on the reader recognising him - that was the flaw in his plan. ^^ Thank you so much for reading it dear!

Anonymous said: How long are u gonna keep me waiting author nim?:( I need to know what she is!Your weiting gives me chills... I feel so frustrated I WANNA KNKWWWW

I will keep teasing you until you can’t take it any more ;D Hehe~~ Thank you for reading the new chapter!

@deangetoutofmyspleen said: it's tUESDAY I DABBED

*dabs with you*

Anonymous said: I FORGOT IT WAS A TUESDAY WOW HOW COULD I OMG OK I'M READY - silent anon

Hello silent Anon! I hope you enjoyed the chapter :3

@idilnuur said: OMG THE UPDATE KILLED ME!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK GIRL

Thank you so much my darling!

@jimiinie-cricket said: Hello! I just wanted to say that I've been having quite a hard time recently with stress, among many other things, and how much your Vampire Jungkook fic has helped me take my mind off of them. Once I found the first chapter I binged on everything you had published. Today was exceptionally difficult and I nearly started crying when I got home, but then I got a notif saying you updated!!!! I love this story & your writing. I get so excited for Tuesdays!! Keep up the magnificent work 💕💕

Ahh your message made me tear up a lot >< I’m feel so grateful to be able to provide a source of happiness for you in times that you feel that life is too much for you or things become a little too unbearable. I’m really sorry that you cried >< I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you that you are beautiful and everything will be alright ^^ Thank you for reading and thank you for sending me this message and remember that you are strong and you can accomplish anything. ^^

@noceurash said: I clicked on it as soon as the notification for I won't stop you popped up haha,, I'm excited for the next part!! Thank you for always updating!! I really enjoy your writing ily!! <3

Thank you so much for having notifs on and for reading the chapter my dear! You’re so welcome for the updates and I hope you enjoy the next chapter too :D I love you as well!

Anonymous said: SLAY SERRENA SLAY LOVE HER SO MUCH~ also hi mom how have you been? I hope you're not as stressed anymore *infinite amount of kisses* -panda anon

Truly the definition of ‘Slay Queen’ haha given the circumstances :D lolol Thank you panda anon - I’ve been ok ^^ Just continuing on with life and trying my best I suppose :D I hope you’re doing well too panda and thank you for reading the chapter :D

Anonymous said: Ok I'm finished! Absolutely amazing as usual 💝 and I'm so happy now that we're finally going to find out what the OC actually 'is'. Also that scene between Yoongi and Serrena was just fabulous 👌👌👌 and I love the way you're writing Namjoon so much wow 😄 thank you so much and I can't wait for next week !! - silent anon

Hello again silent anon! Thank you so much for loving the scene between Yoongi and Serrena, and for loving Namjoon’s character too! I’m happy to know that you liked the chapter and thank you so much for taking the time to read it! ^^

@koreaisanaddiction said: SARA OH MY GOD!!!! i though i knew what reader was but now im questioning! like fuck and now im really worried about namjoon!!!! like sara!!!! oh my God!!!!

Hehehe did I cause doubt for you? c: GOOD! ^^ And I know right? Poor Namjoon >< Altho, the thought of Namjoon calling Yoongi ‘master’ does things to me hahaha c: I’m dirty, sorry :P Thank you so much for reading lovely!

Anonymous said: Ohmaigawsh... Serrena in IWST part 19.... #momgoals... Usually, I'm a faithful jungkook stan, but gurl after this part, Namjoon's becoming a bias wrecker. That was beautiful. I hope you can hear my applause all the way from the US. <3

She is mum goals for sure! She actually reminds me a lot of my mum - that’s exactly her personality sometimes lol UH OH HIDE YOUR KIDS HDE YOUR WIFE NAMJOON’S COMING TO WRECK YAAA~ lolol ^^ Thank you so much my love, I’m really happy that you enjoyed the update ^^

@audreymv said: I am so freking like what?? Yoongi knows something and poor Namjoon, i hope he doesnt get hurt. Such a sweetheart. Dayumm Mom got sass, the queen i bow down to. Amazing as always. This is just too much and i love this so much. I hope we can see who (y/n) really is like what is the specialness. Gosh like i am getting answers but im not. Sara you are a art piece in itself

I think everyone thinks they know a little bit about her (as in, the characters in the story), but ultimately, they are all missing pieces of information. But with Serrena’s knowledge, hopefully she can set the record straight! As always, thank you so much for your amazing words, you really made me smile so much with that ^^ haha thank you for reading and I hope you’ll look forward to next week!

@mysr3 said: Saraaa!! what have you done! You just dragged me and left me hanging craving for more again! But this time the craving is so strong OMG! Breathtaking the whole chapter 19! Serrena is a badass Queen; Love Jungkook and Taehyung protectivness >< so heartwarming; Yoongi's smart ass character supposed to be hated but I just fell for it with a sympathy for him somehow ><, but tons of sympathy for Namjoon. Ahh so many feeling! Cant wait!! Sara well written and well detailed! Thank you Love ღღღ (cont.) PS Love the way you carried on the story even if it torture me to wait to know all the secrets. Its just so hard to guess or pin point what is the real reason behind the whole things. I just feel there will be big reveal of some sorts that will surprised everyone! Right??

I think there is an element of sadness for both Yoongi and Namjoon, because it’s kind of like the souls who lost their way a little? At least that’s what I feel sometimes ^^ And you’re 100% right! There will be a big reveal, but even at that - more will be revealed as time goes on because....well, you’ll see ;D hehe! Thank you so much for reading and I’m really happy you enjoyed it!

@fashionkilla124 said: Honestly Serrena is the most savage female vampire I have ever read about and I LOVE IT . I'm ready just to die and be revived for the next chapter because this is some next level shit going on and Im not ready . I had a stroke mid story and I had to collect myself. You are a really great writer and if you ever published a book and had a fan signing I would be first in line cuz yo stories be LITTT AF☺️☺️☺️😏👌😘😘

Ahhh thank you so much for loving her character! I’m sorry you experienced such health issues while reading hehe :P Thank you so much for your amazing compliments, they really make me smile and make me feel very happy ^^ Omg fan signing IN MY DREAMS lol but thank you for reading and I’m happy that you enjoyed the chapter :3

Anonymous said: AHHHH FUCK THIS CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD I'M CRYING???? SERENA IS AN ACTUAL BAD ASS OMG SHE'S ONE OF MY FAVE CHARACTERS NOW I LOVE IT SO MUCH GOOD JOB ON WRITING OMG

Ahhh thank you so much my dear!^^ I’m so happy that you love her character :3 Thank you for reading and enjoying it so much!!

@theninjachan said: Your updates for "I Won't Stop You" are always on time and the latest update was amazing as always. You are now my favorite Tumblr writer. 💘

Thank you so much for that, I feel honoured that you think that about me and I hope to continue making stuff that you find exciting and enjoyable to read my love ^^

@pandafish said: I loved the pettiness between Serrena and Yoongi!  Poor Namjoon is an intelligent stuck with the wrong crowd :(  I wonder if he'll be able to get away from Yoongi.  Your Tuesday story updates always make me excited for Tuesdays!  Like, I'll suddenly realize it's Tuesday which means IWSY update!!!

(I tried to tag you in this but I wasn’t able to, so I sent you a private answer as well in case you can’t see this!) Thank you for loving the petty scene between them both! And yes - the sympathy for Namjoon is real :c Thank you so much for reading the new chapter and I’m so happy that you get excited for Tuesdays!!

@jynxy24 said: SARA YOU ARE SO GREAT HONESTLY! IWSY was angsty bit it didn't make me feel mixed like I usually do😂😂 THE CHAPTER WAS GREAT LOVE KEEP IT UP PLEASEEEE :3 Stay Awesome, Sara😇😇

Awh thank you so much Jynxy :3 Thank you so much for reading and I’m glad you thought it was great! *hugs*

Anonymous said: When you wrote that Yoongi wanted the reader, like COMPLETELY, did you mean he also wanted to..."mate" with her too 😳 that is a really scary thought 😅 also will it be explained how yoongi knows about the reader and her abilities? Also, ALL HAIL SERRENA DAMN SHE IS THE QUEEN!!! So badass!

Hehe, you can take that whatever way you wish, but as with everything - all will be explained in due course! Everything will be revealed in time :3 And she is a badass queen! I wanna meet her in real life hehe =D Thank you so much for reading!

Anonymous said: GURLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL O. M. F. G. IM SO JUNGSHOOK. LIKE CAN SERRENA BE MY MOM? Like I'm so in love with her cuz she is the baddest bitch around. Omg. I'm shook. I love it. BUT THIS ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME. MY LIL HEARTU 💜 Another wonderful chapter from a wonderful person. I love you. 💕 ~LilKookie Anon P.s. I have a routine dedicated to just this story. I wait until I'm in bed at 9 or 10 my time to make sure I can read uninterrupted can't have my mom talking while VampKook is stealin my 💜

She would make such a badass Mum! (well, she is in the story :P) hehe ^^I love you too lilKookie ^^ AWH YOUR ROUTINE IS SO CUTE c: And yes, we need as little distraction as possible to let VampKook make you Jungshook :3 lolol Thank you very much for reading it cutie ^^

@lostheretics said: to use her in wHAT WAAAYYY *silently cries, throwin myself into the fire* tbh queen Serrena is the best queen ever tho she's badass i love her<3<3 I CANT WAIT WHAT'S Y/N'S REAL IDENTITY? metaphorically i'm dying technically im dead while having a heart attack istg im waitin ily u da best bc u mixed up my feelings well<3

Nooo do not throw yourself into any fires! *pulls you back* hehe ^^ Thank you so much for reading and enjoying the chapter and I love you too! I’m glad I could mix your feelings up nice and good heh c:

@ananyak26 said: "Checkmate"xD ah.. Serena's sass nearly killed me! It was awesome!!!

Yes, checkmate indeed! She did a good job at roasting him lolol :3 Thank you so much my dear!

Anonymous said: tuesdays are my downfall thanks to you ㅇㅅㅇ thank you thank you thank you

Hopefully this downfall is a good thing! Hehe, thank you for reading my love ^^

@animeimmortal said: WHYYY DOES IT END LIKE THAT I WANT MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Because...it does :P YOU SHOULD KNOW ME BY NOW THIS ISN’T SURPRISING ANYMORE i’M AN ASSHOLE WHEN IT COMES TO THIS LOL c: ily tho ^^ :3

Anonymous said: It gets better and better lmao and Guess who's 1004% stanning got7 now 😏 -eggyook anon

Thank you for reading eggyook! AND YAY I’M SO HAPPY TO HEAR THIS! Thank you for stanning GOT7 now :3 ahh I’m smiling so much!

Anonymous said: Damn it Sara 😂 I thought you were finally going to reveal what y/n is and what yoongi wants with her LOL. Uggghhh gotta wait another week now 😖 STILL GREAT AS USUAL THO 💕💕💕  -7:45 anon

You thought wrong! You’ll just have to be a little more patient my dear :3 Hehe, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless!

Anonymous said: On a level of 0 to serrena how savage are you?

LITERALLY lol she has no chill whatsoever but hey, she’s the Queen. She can pretty much for whatever the heck she wants :P

@doubletroublesince1994 said: OMG WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LEAVE US WITH A CLIFFHANGER 😭😭😭😭😭

The chapter has to end at some stage! lolol Would you prefer it if I left the chapter off during some mid-sentence? xD It’s better to leave it on some kind of a cliff hanger to gauge curiosity and elicit desire for more ;) Hope you enjoyed it anyway! Thank you very much for reading :D

@aogintsu said: Omg. I completley forgot about tumblr for a while and youve reached chapter 20 already, i must read them all now

Ahhh welcome back lovely! And yes c: Chapter 20 will be out next week! :3 I hope you will have fun while catching up on the story! :3

@rachelsmusicallife said: I completely binged "I Won't Stop You" last night until 5am. And it was just so amazing I had to tell you.  Your writing a so beautifully done, some parts honestly make me wanna cry.  It is so well written and gripping it amazes me.  Keep going girl. I look forward to so much more 😊

Ahh I’m so happy that you’re enjoying it! I’m so happy that you think it’s beautifully written, that makes me so incredibly happy and you made me smile a lot. I hope you’ll enjoy the future chapters and thank you very much for reading it and messaging me to let me know ^^ I hope you have a great day!

[sh-lan]

OMFG LAST QUARTER EVER + some spring break stuff???

Took a weekend off of life Retail therapy at its finest today Even though new jeans were overdue

It’s crazy how it still came I guess it’s a force of nature But omg it’s gonna be here on the concert T^T

This nerd would have mitsuha’s theme on his playlist smh #nochu

April 2nd, 2017 BTS Wings Tour I still can’t believe it happened I’ve been awake since 8am lol and it’s like 1:54am and i’m still trying to process and remember everything that happened today It felt like a dream! I can’t believe I saw them in real life. ohmygod Hands down, easily one of the best day of this week - if not this entire year so far holy shit will continue this tomorrow as i reminisce ok but one thing i noticed is that jungkook’s thighs are actually so real like wtf? shookt EDIT: lol i never finished this but oh well

oop i just bought more rings goodbye money

my charger broke gg time to get another one

I have a newfound appreciation for the color pink or more like my appreciation for pink is coming back

When you get anxious because bts hasnt posted on twitter for 3 days but then you also know they’re resting and that they deserve this break

SPRING QUARTER LEGGO tu/th schedule let’s hope this all works well keke

week 1 recap tuesday - sees everybody in freaking AB LOL sees harry after walking out of my tdpw sees alana and dylan outside my global health class which alana is also taking, and becca and tanya lOL goes to cogs 122 to find chen screaming my name - also vania and stella <3 last class is normal - with nobody in management BUT LOL LEIGHTON ADDED THE CLASS ON THURSDAY HAHA there’s also this girl in my tdpw class who looks like lindsay lohan and her name is also lindsey but with an e cause i saw it on the email lol not a stalker

Decided to gel nails it out friday of week 1 whut whut

First attempt at 양념치킨~

been using the soundtrack of your name this past week to get over pcd it’s been a week and i still haven’t recovered T^T

went to kbbq with harry! lol week 1 sunday started at manna….having an adventure in between at manna keke “started here and ending it here?” LOL

currently craving anything strawberry

don’t understand why i need to have my email as a send&receive in order to sms to work on my laptop bb why are you being stubborn when you’ve been working fine all this time

under yuri’s recommendation, i microwaved my coffee because it was lukewarm and she called me extra LOL

i’m getting nervous about a presentation when i shouldn’t be because ?? my AB service leader self is like completely gone i wanna crawl into a hole

i just finished season 2 and 3 of htgawm in less than a week… how they gonna do season 4 i wonder

Week 2 thursday I was actually really looking forward to class today Also my rings came! Though were they worth the $50….not so sure Were they cute? Yes But not as cute as the other one T^T So i mustnt give in to temptations nowww

I found out what matcha powder mom uses to make their matcha latte Cappuccine frappe mix But it’s sadly not on amazon ):

This new tumblr function is really inconvenient cause i cant tell how many thing i have on queue brcause i have to keep switching blogs -_-

Han came to visit! Friday Papa johns Saturday Snooze brunch Infinitea Abeh hangout In n out Sunday Aquarium! Koon thai Ramen yamadaya Boba bar and then i drove him to irvine where we got coco curry! and then i drove back and he bought me milk tea with pudding

Had an epiphany It’s not anenome It’s anemone

Omg but like why dont people call spoiler alerts “spoilerts”

Started 13 reasons why with Han Finished it, tuesday week 3 Hmmm How to feel

finished strong woman park hyung sik is so…adorable? IT’S SO WEIRD. HIS AEGYO LEVEL IS INSANE

When you realize that 둘! 셋! is probably the title of the fan song because that’s what BTS always say when they introduce themselves And that BTS + ARMY forever ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I’m not crying r u crying ;___;

어떻게

Omg when you wake up for reorientation and jungkook does lives <3

highkey need to crawl into a hole tbh

You know what i want to do? Go to an olive garden Even though i know it’ll taste bad lol

Not really sure what i want… But i dont want my 4 years to be a waste ):

i….skipped out on an interview today was it the right choice i may never know

most recent ep of snk got me fucked up SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT YMIR AND CHRISTA’S RELATIONSHIP IS WHO IS CHRISTA

Lol i hella bombed my quiz GOODBYE GONNA P/NP HAHA

Week 4 weekend Fuck me in the ass i twisted my ankle and i am in irvine had to pop an advil and cruise control all the way back thank god there weren’t many cars lol 0/10 do not recommend

Slept on the couch the past two days to elevate my ankle Glad to be back in bed But i think i might be a little…sick? Fuck Need to grocery shop

Dammit i got called for jury duty

Ok but i twisted my ankle and two recruiters emailed me back the next day so was it really a loss

Week 5 i’m sick…

just watched 5 centimeters per second a little sadder than i was an hour ago

fuck i forgot that my jeans are new and i washed it and my pink shirt is ruined fml triggered

thursday after rolling over ma ankle i can finally see that it is a lil swollen and there is bruising LOL also saw an owl at school today and a bunny while leaving to go to meeting

week 5 tuesday saw two bunnies on my way out to school

I just saw two hummingbirds! 😍

I cant believe yuri and i finished twenty SMH

ABCD today Some qualitee photos were taken Im tired now

Really debating the 4th term

third day of back pain flexibility dying wow what is happening???

…..army 4th term is $75 cries EDIT: it’s $66 because i forgot exchange rate but still cri EDIT EDIT: it’s $45 if i ship it to taiwan - seriously really highkey considering that now oh dear

bro i think i just experienced katawaredoki whut

i keep thinking that my ankle is ok but i always end up doing something that ends up hurting it like hella im

Week 6 thursday last leadership meeting one of my favorite meetings because whoa INFORMATION!? it was nice wanted to discuss and add in my two cents but i honestly just wasn’t able to wrap my head around everything loool then…we decided to go to PB LOL chen, jeong, yuri, justin and his friends (including nicole, nicole, sandy) and then more people. we also met leslie, brett, dexter, allison, kenny, peter, abby, ben…and more? at pb lolol and also we saw miguel and anthony - it was like a freshman year flashback tbh lOL went to vallartas after and then came home to shower and finally sleep at 3:30am wot is life NEXT DAY ADVENTURES - leighton and i finally pulled out the weeds and now we’re tired

salty that i wasnt invited to the birthday celebration, not that i would really make the trip per say but wtf gurl

I just had this really sad thought that i’m probably never gonna ever get to know bts like friends y i do dis to meself

Wait so like i got sick while at clew’s and it didnt happen until week 5 and so i was sick from week 5 through week 6 and at this one point i couldnt taste my food it was terribad

May 12th I bought the membership LOL Hopefully it mails it correctly back to Taiwan ☺️

im dumb i didn’t save the color i wanted for my hair

omg the song vania recommended to me a few days ago was recommended by jungkook like a year or so ago on twitter lOOOOL

Just tryna level up here :<

Struggles when places are in the east coast and phone calls are early in the fckin morning

Note to self: Ridge cut potato chips with sea salt is good for stuff with dip Ridge cut salt and pepper is good for regular eating, but gets salty at the bottom LOL EDIT: per vania’s suggestion, i salted and peppered my chips

watching jungkook’s vlive AND HE JUST HARMONIZED WITH HIMSELF IM DED

Just woke up from a dream where someone hurt my brother/nade him fall and i was so angry? Was about to go ape shit on that person im ded lol who is rhis angry me

Rewatched and finished reply 1997 Wow what is life when yoon jae is life But also what is life when your idols are life Daily reminder to not be as obsessed as shiwon LOLOL

i can’t go to giraffage and elephante anymore im on the otherhand i get to go to virginia???

lol but like i haven’t been writing drafts because i often write in my notebook now but here are some updates - my nails are constantly chipping - forgot about grad photos that clashed with the weekend han is coming - im ded because i probs won’t have a weekend to myself until week 10 - struggles to figure out graduation things - paid my $54 to walk #mostexpensivewalkever

LAST LEADERSHIP MEETING (turnover) what am i going to do with my thursday nights now? it’s been a good run

Jealous of the staff that holds and records the camera during vlives? LOL who am i

When you forget that jeon jungkook did taekwondo before Hnnnngh

i just reaffirmed? or discovered? that i don’t like fruity pebbles o_o

Trying to think of a thing to put on my grad cap Tis hard Let’s make a list: 花樣年華 Strong power thank you You never walk alone Ireumeun deborah LOL Lol omg but why is yoongi’s “cheater never win but i just graduated” quote so appropriate for grad EXTRA + ORDINARY* Lost my way/found my way* Click clack to the bang Smile with me, cry with me, fly with me (you make me begin, you made me again) Ctrl+c, ctrl+v do you know “____” (hci? annyeonghasaeyo) To lose your path, Is the way to find that path* 꽃길만 걷자* Let’s fly with our beautiful wings in 2017 EDIT: i’m too lazy, i didn’t do anything to my cap lOL

Im shookt cause namjoon doesnt say 이제 feelin the vibe. HE SAYS IF YOU FEELIN THE VIBE. I feel…betrayed

Non whitewashed bangtan gives me life

May 21st My first haircut since… Since i got it cut over the summer?????

Bought me stole and tassel today Smh that i cant grab my muir tickets?? Cause i ordered all commencwment tickets SMH

Lowkey afraid of not passing mgt LOL

Omfg i knew we were going to have a pop quiz. It really happened

nicole and evelyn commented that they liked my hair and audrey and malia agreed i gotta say i’m so glad people remember me in my tdpw class LOOL

Cant get the seventeen song outta my head Shookt by the choreography

Y'all im so fckin shookt First the chainsmokers post on twitter like “see you in the summer” Then they win the BBMAs like a boss Then you see them on halsey + steve aoki’s snapchat Next things you know steve aoki is postin shit like “BTS x AOKI COMING SOON” Im SCREAMING

Yo my lyft driver dropped some knowledge again and told me his life story lmao he was a police officer in chicago and he was forced to retired and then ?? after chasing down a rapist and getting into a fight, he was seriously injured. but his dad (a judge or someone powerful idk) forced him out of retirement by telling everyone to not give him his benefits and shit and i was like. whoa bro. slow down? “embrace the unknown”

I finally tried the coconut black tie at peet’s 10/10 a mistake

Okay but can we talk about how on point everybody looked in the comeback Esp wonwoo and dk But also vernon 👌🏼

First time in virginia/ being so close to washington dc! Whoa Also gonna pass by texas too :O Knocking some states off my list

I WITNESSED MY FIRST CIRCLE RAINBOW THINGY ON THE PLANE FROM VIRGINIA TO DALLAS TODAY HOLY IT WAS V COOL

i don’t know why i never realized this about myself before but i need to be/live by a body of water at all times or i won’t feel comfortable this is weird

i told han i joined the fanclub and he like died for like 2 seconds lOL

ok but like i bought a carton of eggs and 6 or 7 of them were double yolks and i have 2 more eggs left im starting to think i’m eating some weird hybrid chickens EDIT: those last two eggs were both double yolks. this was a wild adventure

omg i knew that the TA MOST LIKELY RYAN WOULDNT UNDERSTAND OUR IDEA JUST LIKE HOW HE ALWAYS MISINTERPRETS THEM??? like what kind of constructive feedback is that if he doesn’t understand what we’re trying to do im… sigh

Already excited about the festa But like omfg they released the schedule today And just WE DONT TALK ANYMORE PT 2?? SO FAR AWAY FEATURING JIN AND JUNGKOOK? Im IM SCREAMING also sad but the radio show is right before my finals gotta prioritize, no bts fo me ;__;

after waiting two weeks, my application to get leveled up was rejected *cries* time to try again! *^*

okay but really feeling seventeen’s song as well as suran’s song like hIGHKEY

i finally got my commencement tickets the third time that i went to the bookstore third time’s the charm right? also whytf is the parking pass for all campus commencement so huge -_-

hnngh omg that feel when you have hella shit to do TPDW1 final play due week 9 friday because we won’t have class at all on week 10 then there’s the presentation (elevator pitch) that happened today week 9 thursday but also just hauling ass on things for A5 tbh what is this what is everything wot is the meaning of life when vania and i stay up till 3:30am lol… and then there’s me. tired af but didn’t sleep til 4:30 anyways cause i’m a dumbass l e l let’s not be a potato this last week k?

burger king in pc has its own free wifi called WhopperWifi and it’s so much faster than school wifi this is revolutionary

week 9 weekend to irvine irritated on the way over irritated on the way back lol wot is life i should’ve just turned around to go back home

NO TDPW1 WEEK 10 WOOT wow that means i won’t have class until 2pm whoa

“why are you reading math formulas” - yuri i was actually reading bts profiles lOLOL she just dissed their handwritings

Just spent the past hour or so looking at kakao friends merchandise And discovering that apeach is a genetically modified peach lol

that moment when you ask for a png file but get a jpg

dyed my hurr twice today for a darker shade still not what i was going for but this will do for now

Omfg i slept through my alarm until 1pm Goodbye study time?? Also omg i like it pt 2 video SHIT SHIT SHIT THEY KNOW WE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. HAD IT SINCE BAEPSAE DAYS. BUT DIDNT RELEASE IT. Freakin bighit

My request to level up on the fancafe has once again been rejected ); EDIT: oMFG IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T CHANGE THE SETTING TO SOMETHING im screaming, what a first world problem THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM AMIRITE

Doesnt feel like it… But thursday was my last time going to class…pretty much like ever unless i go to more school Holy shit

Oh man I didnt think i’d have THAT much shit. But…i think i have A LOT of shit….

saw bts MBIT and i was like omfg! knew that i was INFJ but took the test again yesterday and ended up INFP….but just barely P so i think i’ll stick with INFJ lol EDIT: i took the test again today because vania and yuri were talking about it again and i am still INFP…and more P this time. SO LOST. WHO AM I

put my things up for sale i forgot that i might need my light el oh el crying on the inside cause i want to keep my desk but then i’m selling it off because i don’t think i’ll have space for it and i just CRYING ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE IT’S BEEN WITH ME FOR SO LONG T^T

ON ANOTHER NOTE. THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM LEVELED UP ON JUNE 12TH AT ONE SOMETHING AM

JUNE 12TH FINISHED MY FIRST AND LAST FINAL I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH MY UNDERGRADUATE CAREER??? also lmao i spent 45 min on the final wot

i dyed my hair darker but now it’s become lighter? wait wtf wait no go back EDIT: wait no it went back to being dark? is this a thing? when i get exposed to the sun it gets lighter and when i sleep it gets darker??? smh at light for fckin with me

so i set an alarm to watch the bts home party last night for like 3:57am and i didn’t hear it but i guess i kinda did cause i woke up at 4:05am and was like ??? i decided to watch a bit of it but ended up streaming the whole thing until 5:45am looooool also watched the numbers grow from the 500,000 all the way to 2,000,000 and then 3,000,000? it was nuts

omfg all these years of rereading chapters and only now do i realize that i could save bookmarks on mangahere *slaps forehead*

Moment of silence cause i sold my desk that’s accompanied me for almost 10 years It even has battlescars (aka X marks by Jacky, 3 of them) LOL memories ;___; Oh and i guess my chair too

lol was gonna sell that yamaha guitar for $45 but it’s going for like $190 on ebay?? so ima just bring it home

finals week hangout list: tuesday: fud with kimberly, peyton, harry wednesday: more fud with stephanie and ellius thursday: KBBQ FOR LUNCH with jeong, justin, yuri, harry LOOOOL

and so...that’s the end of the quarter. my last quarter of school ever (unless i decide to go to more school...which seems unlikely as of right now) it feels weird.................................. but! onto graduation~ looking forward to being reunited with family and whatever’s gonna hit me in the face LOL

and with that goodbye undergrad, hello world ㅇㅅㅇ

[internalstars]

LIT Retreat

Oh my, this is gonna be long but it was so fun!!

Friday (4/28)

so i didn’t go to coffee or micro and just came for work due to me needing as much sleep as i can get before the retreat, and i had to hand out some things to D and J and didn’t want to hold onto them for long. Went to work, J got the duffle, D bought and brought me some chick-fil-a :) E swung by and so did D but lets not get into that.... S passed by and asked if i’m excited about the retreat, moved to back booth, E came by and so did J, twas fun

got my stuff and had 30 min to chill, i forgot to charge my phone all the way tho :( started walking to car, i was riding w C!!! and J and J. got there first, we had small talk, J showed up, and talked to him for awhile, we were left in the car alone, wasn’t too awk, C came back and finally J came. 

we went to walmart, right when we got out of the car a woman approached C, and asked if we can buy her some diapers for her baby, C said sure and asked her to come w us, C was asking her about her life, and we walked around trying to find her some diapers and wipes, C went quickly to get something, so J just paid for S’s stuff, she wanted some food for her family so J and J went to Jack in the Box while J told me to find C and stay with him to get his things, he was like right there but they already left, so i went with him to find water bottles, J needed some as well, anyways, there was only a small section and then i was like wait theres more over there, we looked for quite a while until he was like yeah im gonna go back to the cheap ones lolol we also had to pick one for J and he was like pick one between red and neon yellow so i said red obv, we paid and then we saw some cardboard cutouts of a lady with a big dancing skirt and man with a sombrero and guitar, so C was like lets take a pic with those jokingly and i was like that is a good way to start off the retreat, and he was like yeahhh so we took pics, i was w the man and had to tiptoe and he took one w the lady staring off in the distance lol we went to go find J and J and lowkey was worried so i asked C if they were ok and he was like yeah yeah, went there and C got his snacks, apples and cookie butter and i was like omg i love cookie butter and he was like theyre amazing but nobody rlly knows about it, so when we were at the table he gave me a slice of apple and cookie butter on it and i ate it, it was v good, he gave some to J  too, and even handed me the snacks for me to get some more, but i was like nah im good, J was in the middle of talking to S about the gospel and we were just listening in and then she prayed for us and we all gave S hugs then went on our way

we just talked, getting to know each other, but J fell asleep and so it was quiet for most of the cafr ride, we arrived!

they were just sitting around the campfire (no fire yet) with their chairs, saw D and G and c so talked to them, grabbed my chair to sit w them, C asked for some of my hand sanitizer and i was like it smells rlly girly and he was like it has sparkles too haha you caught me irene lololol anyways, we just chilled, mostly talking about their piercings, finally introduced myself to J and she was hugged me, the campfire got started, and we started sterilizing the hangers on which we had to eat the hotdogs from, i stuck a hotdog in mine but forgot to wipe it off first so it was black on some parts, had a hard time cooking it lol, kinda got the tip burnt but that was it, just chilled, had a worship sesh led by A and W, then C talked for a lil bit, then we played werewolf! it was soooo fun! the first round i was the little girl so i knew who the werewolves are, and when it was time to accuse, i accused C lololol i forgot my first reason but the second was that all the dead ppl was pointing to him, so then he came to defend himself and was like if i was a werewolf i would kill the ppl next to me and i shouted yeah like toby! (who was right next to him) and everyone was like omgggg hahahhah so he got ousted, then i accused A bc he tried to nominate someone to divert attention from J, so he was out, then J was a team effort and so was M and T by me, M and W it was so great!! we won and W was like i knew yall knew what was going on and we were all just so happy omg it was just so great

 then the next round i was part of the couple which means if one dies the other dies w them, and lol so A called the couple out to know who they are and it was jsut me so everyone was like are they single lolol and C even volunteered to be the other one but it was handed to C, then somebody killed C so we both died p early but it was great to actually know everything that was going on, C was a werewolf (!!) 

that ended and then T and D and I were just talking, mostly them two, C cmame by to say gnight bc he was going to sleep, he said good game to me, then i just went over to the game going on, was so confused, and later C announced to clean up, D and I went to the bathroom, then to the tent, we changed and cleaned up, also no running water, so no washing hands or place to brush our teeth, we did it outside the tent and spat in the grass, was v uncomfortable sleeping that night, first bc i was just unsettled by the fact that i didn’t rlly feel like i belonged there w others, and i kept praying to God but i dont think i ever finished that prayer, it was cold and hot alternatingly, was afraid to hit M, kept rolling around, no pillow, and the wind was super loud, 

Saturday

woke up at 8 for breakfast, D woke me up, we got cleaned up, then i ate a banana, and one poptart from J, C was right across from me, D and I went to the bathroom, then just got ready for the day, we had down time, so I was talking to J and she was just trying to get to know me esp bc i said i was from the philippines, i got hit by a frisbee tho, J tried to warn me, but it was too late and it hit me in my ear and my cheek ish, dude it hurt bci t was hard, but it went away, i started tearing up and J was gonna get me a bag of ice, L was the one who threw it -.-, C came to joined our little group but turned around to watch the frisbee game so that he can protect us from getting hit lol, then we had worship led by K, and it was great, J talked and then we had 30 min to just have QT, so we each grabbed a chair and i prayed mostly and looked at some scripture and then prayed some more, after that, we had lunch, PB&J, dont rlly like it, was not in the mood, so i just ate some of my hot cheetos, J ate some too and J who hated spicy stuff actually tried a few, we were in a circle once again, i was w J and C and J then J joined as well as T and J and D and J, they just told some stories, and C came later with a sandwich and cheetos within it, he talked to me about my hot cheetos (sad he doesn’t like it) and said do you know what ive been craving? that filipino food truck, and i was like omg yeah theyre great but they dont come around often, and J was like you can track them on social media yeah lil thing but it was great, then we played games, so first we did the rope thing where we had to hold onto the rope and be fully supported bby tghe rope, i was next to J and C, we almost fell at one point, then we split up into 3 groups and did the human knot, we were the first ones out and it was super quick too, Z asked some team building qs, then our group tried it again but it didn’t work lol so we just played bang and that was super fun, never won but had fun nonetheless, then once the other teams gave up, we played this suepr fun game where we pretend that we were in an airplane crash and some got paralyzed, broken legs and arms, blind, mute, and healthy ppl, and basically the point of the game is to get everyone across the finish line within a certain time limit, i was picked to be paralyzed both times, so ppl had to carry me, L carried me the first time w M and D and i was the first one to make it there safely, it was sooo funny bc T was paralyzed and it took like 10 ppl to carry him it was so funny to watch, but we all made it in 3 min!! when we were given 10 min, so the next time, there were more paralyzed and unconscious ppl and more injuries and a lot more guys were picked and we were given 4 min, so we started complaining, but we made it in 3 min and 15 sec!!! A was the one who carried me this time, w J’s help, was one of the first to cross again, and when we finished they asked what was a struggle and successes and i said that there were always ppl ready to help me without me even having to ask, then we had chill time i think, or maybe this was before lunch idk tbh, but afterwards, J was just talking to me and asked me if my parents were believers, i told her my conflict about church and she said she wanted to talk about this more so she offered to have lunch w me, then lit team and lead team got separated and C talked to us and split us into groups of 3, i was w L who i met for the very first time, and C, we were supposed to be vulnerable and what to pray about, what you struggle w, and i told them about my feelings of doubt and fear, we prayed for each other, and after i prayed, C was apparently there, and talked lol idk how long he was there and if he heard my prayer, but he wanted to talk to C, anyways, we were just conversing afterwards, then got the whole group together and we discussed what have you learned from God this semester in which j was like to pace yourself and not take up everything even if they are all good works, G was like you are placed where you are for a reason, and some other ppl talked, then we all prayed one at a time and just waited for further instructions, the lead team was taking a really long time, so first the girls and i were just taking then i went to the pond and skipped some rock unsuccessfully w others, then just kept moving around, the girls finally found a table and just chilled there, B came by ad said that there has been some conflict and theyre just trying to talk it out now, so we were super hungry and thankfully C’s car was unlocked, so i went and grabbed my hot cheetos and gummy bears and baby wipes, we demolished all those and then we were finally called for what to do next, in which C was talking about how this is a serious time now, and the level of vulnerability from you is up to us, then we were told to get in a single line and my heart was beating rlly fast, i was not scared but anxious as to what it is, the lead team were all in a circle holding up cardboard signs, lit each had to take turns to read what was on it, and then write our own, if we want, then go back to the line, honestly i was tearing up before i read their signs and when i was in line again, i just kept crying, then we worshipped and then Z talked and it was in Luke when Jesus washed his disciples feet so the lead team washed our feet, E was the one who washed mine, and then C and B talked and we chilled til dinnertime, i hugged D and she was like we need to have monthly meetings next sem to just chekc up on each other adn we all agreed,we had chili, and then we packed up and headed home, the ride home was more enjoyable bc we were all just conversing and C asked what we wanted to do again in the lead team, and i was like coffee and C was like i just think that yall would make good small group leaders, and i told him why i didnt put that down (im not strong enough in my faith to handle all of them and schedule ofc), and C was like I accept the second reason but the first reason isn’t a reason (or somewhere along those lines), and honestly that struck me in the heart, i was like well that was what i thought... and he was like all the small group leaders though that way and probably still think that way, which was comforting to me, C asked about our music tastes me:none

then all BSM met at whataburger!!!!! omg it was so fun, we were the first ones to get there, all sons and daughters song played and C was like ive never heard of this song before and i was like really? even i have heard of this song and he laughed, then he was like im sorry guys my car stinks and i was like it was more of a group effort, and he was like thats comforting, anyways i sat w M and J and S at whataburger, got bbq chicken tender sandwich, D was supposed to sit w us but sat w J instead, we talked about majors and what we thought about this weekend, we extensively discussed the cardboard moment which everyone thought was heart provoking, then i was around G and L and C and A, L wants a piercing and T showed up but i was like nooo, D came to just rest on me, showed T my cartilage, then went to hbu, kinda dozed off on the way, hugged J and exchanged numbers, then hugged C, said bye to C, D, Z, and L as well. went home, showered and crashed.