#scrawlers chats with a mystic messenger

[sage-nebula]

RFA: [still grieving a member who reportedly killed herself]

ALSO RFA: [doesn’t give a fuck when a remaining member sounds suicidal]

[sage-nebula]

RIKA: "Are you on my side? Or are you on V's side?"

ME: "I'm on SEVEN'S side, so honestly, you can go get fucked, and unless V starts being real honest about Saeran real quick, he can, too."

[sage-nebula]

On a 1st playthrough: “Oh this is so cute and quirky! Lol Seven is so much fun!”

On all subsequent playthroughs after learning Seven’s backstory:

[sage-nebula]

I am the best at parties.

[sage-nebula]

ME: "Maybe I will play the other routes. I mean, I really do like Jumin and Jaehee a lot, and I'm sure the other routes would be interesting . . ."

ME: [imagines having to be in another character's house]

ME: [imagines having to flirt with another character when Seven is right there]

707: [does anything]

ME:

ME:

ME:

ME: ". . . never mind."

[sage-nebula]

Okay. Having played through Seven’s route again (and having secured the Good Ending without a guide---I should have never doubted myself, my original answers that I would have picked, despite being marked as “Bad Ending” answers---worked out just fine!), I think . . . I think I’m going to try and blitz through the other routes, just so I can say I’ve completed them. I’ve changed the name in the game to MC, so maybe that will help it feel a little less like a betrayal.

Time to completely fail Yoosung’s route first.

[sage-nebula]

Moment of truth . . . time to see if I get the Day Seven Bad End or not . . .

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Okay, so I really will talk about this more when I actually write up the eighth and ninth posts of this liveblog, but I’m feeling really, really aggravated at a certain turn this story has taken right now, and so I have to get it off my chest. Because honestly, this is one of my least favorite things and I really have to gripe about how it has been inserted into a narrative that I was otherwise really enjoying before this point (like, really, it’s kind of ruining it for me a little bit, ngl). Putting this under a cut since it’s pretty major #spoilers for Seven’s route.

So the whole deal, as you know if you’ve either played this game or have been reading my posts, is that Seven is a secret agent for an intelligence agency on top of managing security for the RFA. Because the intelligence agency does very shady things, and because he has had to do horrible things, and because of all the other bullshit going on in his life right now (re: Saeran and V and all that), Seven is (more than a little understandably) going through a really rough time and keeps trying to push everyone away, including the MC, who has feelings for him since this is a dating sim and this is the path in which you pursue him. Seven feels that it’s too dangerous for him to get involved with anyone or have connections, and as such the idea of having someone close like that---however much he may like them---is exceptionally stressful for him and he just . . . can’t deal, at least at the moment.

The problem is, the narrative can’t allow that because this is a dating sim. So even though it’s more than understandable that Seven wants his space, even though he has every right in the world to end this relationship where it is, the narrative is still pushing the MC to go after him despite him repeatedly saying “no” and “we can’t do this” and “it’s impossible” over and over again. Even in the Good Ending answer choices, the MC is like “but what about my feelings” and “just let me understand you”, and putting aside the understanding him bit for a minute (because I have a gripe about that, too), I hate that, I hate it so much, because it’s like---

Obviously it’s not just restricted to Mystic Messenger. This is a trope we see time, and time, and time again, wherein one character (usually male) has a very troubled and tragic backstory and, because It’s Dangerous™, he feels the need to push everyone away. But another character (usually female) refuses to accept this, and even though he very truthfully explains to her that it is dangerous and he does not feel comfortable with her coming along for the ride, she continues to ignore him and railroad over those boundaries (feeling that ~it’s okay because she loves him~) until he finally breaks down and accepts her. This is treated as the girl ~melting his icy exterior~, when in actuality it’s the girl completely disregarding his consent, stomping all over his boundaries, and wearing him down until he says “yes”.

Do me a favor. Flip those genders. If it was a woman repeatedly telling a man that they could not be together, that she could not have a relationship with him, that it was too dangerous to be with her, that she didn’t feel comfortable putting him in danger, et cetera, would you feel okay with the man character consistently ignoring that, pushing and pushing, until the woman was finally worn down and gave in with a “do whatever you want”? Would you be okay with that? I really hope the answer is “no”, because even if it’s “well, but we normally don’t see that so the gender inversion is cool!” that’s not okay. Double standards are not okay. A person having their consent and boundaries violated time and again is not okay, regardless of the genders of the parties involved. It’s not okay to do this to guys just because ~they’re guys~ or because ~well the girl loves him~, because in scenarios where men relentlessly pursue women, I’m sure they’d say it’s because they love them, too. And however ~pure~ the female characters’ intentions are framed (often because works like this refuse to acknowledge that women could be anything but pure---it’s why they’re often presented in the right in scenarios like this, even if the scenarios themselves are not romantic), that doesn’t make it right, or okay, or acceptable. It’s gross and extremely bothersome, and I would never do that to someone . . .

. . . and yet, in this game, I’m forced to, and to a character I really love and do relate to, at that.

It kills me, because before it felt like we were really bonding, but now we’re not. And part of this comes down to the fact that this is a dating sim, and so the MC has to have a really generic and bland personality (in this case, Plucky Shoujo Heroine™) so that the average person can self-insert into her. The problem is, though . . . okay, there’s no way to phrase this without sounding like a douche, so I’m just going to say it: I’m not the average person. Like, it kills me, because there were multiple points (and I took screenshots of some of them) where I just would not realistically say either of the answer choices. And when Seven is going on about how “you’re so bright and warm and you could never possibly understand the real me” or “you could never understand, but there’s never been a day when I haven’t been depressed” --- like, BRUH! I just wanted to snap back, like, seriously? You think I don’t understand? Really? Boy, take a seat, because it’s time for you to feast your ears on some truth pops that I’m about to lay down on this table for you, straight up. Obviously our situations are not exactly the same---I’m not the bastard child of a wealthy politician, for one, nor was I manipulated into joining an intelligence agency, et cetera---but trust me, I’ve faced more than my fair share of abuse in childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood, so I definitely know where he’s coming from with that. I have diagnosed chronic severe depression, anxiety disorder, and C-PTSD, so yeah, I can relate there, too! And all of those jokes? Those lols we had in the chat? The playing around, the trolling? No, it wasn’t all a lie (from him, either---people are multi-faceted, Seven, that can be just as much of a part of you as this part of you is, and yes, it is possible to joke while being severely depressed at the same time, I would fucking know), but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have my own issues, either. That doesn’t mean that I don’t also feel severe depression. I mean, for fucksake, I’m supposed to be at therapy in like six hours, what the fuck do you think I’m so cheerful and bright and carefree for, huh? It’s honestly insulting.

And no, it’s not Seven’s fault, because the game can’t flesh out the MC because the MC has to be relatable to everyone. Never mind the fact that the MC, despite being told that she has to stay in Rika’s apartment because of The Party™, apparently didn’t have a job that she had to notify that she would no longer be showing up to. Never mind that she apparently never had family she had to tell where she was, or bills to pay, or a pet at home, or anything like that, like---you’d think that’d raise some alarm bells, that it would raise some questions that no one in RFA knows literally anything about this person that they’ve let into their group, other than the fact that she seems nice and wants to help with The Party™. And again, I know it’s because the MC has to be relatable to any random person to pick up the game, so she has to be bland and generic and her backstory literally does not matter since the game is not about her, but rather is about these characters---but my point here is that aside from the obvious narrative flaw of constructing a story like this (which is just a problem inherent in the genre, I know), she’s not relatable to me anymore. It was much easier to feel absorbed when I was able to be snarky and and whatnot, but now that the VNMs have her being a Plucky Shoujo Protagonist™ . . . that’s not me. That’s not me even a little. It’s especially not me when I’m having to pressure Seven into ~thinking about his feelings for me~ and refusing to back down when he says it’s dangerous and we need to stop because, for fucksake, I’m not saying I’d give up completely, but I’d want to have a real talk and I absolutely would not keep pushing the romance thing regardless of how I feel, because he has more than enough problems to be getting on with now, and me being a whiny bint doesn’t need to be one of them. I wouldn’t want someone pressuring me like that, so I hate that the game is forcing me to do it to Seven.

Anyway, this got long, and I’m supposed to be saving it for the actual playthroughs, but . . . man. Aside from the MC having long hair in all these images (I’m actually rather pale, so even though I like my chosen avatar’s darker skin, that doesn’t yank me out as much as the long hair does---why do things like this act like girls can’t be pretty unless they have long hair?), it just really breaks the immersion and is a definite turn-off for me. I hate this kind of set-up, the “I’ll keep pushing until I wear you down” set-up, and especially how it’s always so excused when it’s the girl chasing after the boy. I mean, one of the few things JKR did right when writing Harry and Ginny is that, when they had that talk at the end of HBP, Ginny did back down after Harry said that he cared that she would be in danger. Like, yeah, she said “what if I don’t care?” but when he said, “I care,” she listened to him and respected that and backed off until he was ready to give it another go. That’s good. That’s what you should do. Not this bullshit where “but what I want matters toooooo” because no, not really, not to the same degree. Yeah, you’ll be sad if you’re not together, but the difference is that he’s unhappy because you’re imposing yourself on him despite how anxious and uncomfortable he is. You’re unhappy because he’s leaving you alone. Forcing your company on someone who doesn’t want it is always going to be more wrong than someone walking away from a relationship that, for whatever reason, doesn’t make them happy at the moment. Your happiness is not more important than someone else’s well-being*, and someone terminating a relationship with you---regardless of the reason---is not wrong if that’s what they need to do to feel comfortable. I very, very strongly believe this.

(*And no, “but what about my well-being since I’ll be sad if we’re not together” is not a valid response here, so don’t even play. It’s nowhere near the same thing and you know it.)

So yeah, I’m still going to keep playing, and I’m still going to keep going for the right answers (another thing that breaks the immersion), but I’m really upset that the narrative took such a turn. I guess I should have seen that coming, too, but . . . yeah. It’s really uncomfortable.

Anyway, more on that tomorrow.

[sage-nebula]

Details will come in the longer liveblog posts, but honestly, Zen has really redeemed himself ever since the super serious shit started going down. Like, I actually like him when he’s being like this, a+++

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PAST!ME: "I'm going to pursue Seven's route because we have a very similar sense of humor and he makes me laugh. Snarky fun bf is best bf, the fun and lols never end with him."

PRESENT!ME @ PAST!ME: "You fool. You absolute imbecile. You genre-blind simpleton. How could you not see this coming. How could you ever be so misguided, so uncomprehending, so obtuse? How---how could you---how could you let this happen---"

[sage-nebula]

Hmm . . . I’m not on the autism spectrum myself and so I feel hesitant saying this (especially since the last time I said something like this someone flipped out on me), but I feel like Jumin could possibly be coded as autistic? Specifically because of this bit I just got in the Christmas DLC:

JUMIN: “I can’t usually empathize with people most of the time. I’ve always been like this. I’m different from other people and that doesn’t mean I want to be like everyone else but I think that people become frustrated with me because of it. Like Zen.”

There are various reasons why someone might have low / no empathy, such as antisocial personality disorder, but I don’t think that Jumin really has the other characteristics typically associated with APD. I could see him as autistic, though; he often misunderstands social cues / dialogue cues and only catches on later, the other RFA members often seem to not understand his sense of humor, he’s usually caught completely off-guard when he has said something innocently insensitive (like, he doesn’t want to hurt others, he’s just being honest and doesn’t seem to get what’s happening), and his fervent love for cats could be read as a special interest, particularly since he’s always trying to start new cat businesses and seems to only really focus on that (though he also focuses really hard on the RFA Party™ as well). 

Like, again, I’m not on the spectrum and so I don’t want to be offensive here, but I feel like Jumin could potentially be read as autistic, in addition to being read as ace.

[sage-nebula]

ME: "Tf? The game can't end there, there are still mysteries to be solved, and loose ends, and---"

GAME: "Don't worry, fam, we've got you with that After Ending content."

ME: "Oh, good."

GAME: "It's gonna cost 30 hourglasses tho lol."

ME: >(

[sage-nebula]

Savage.

[sage-nebula]

I really hate that I’m playing Mystic Messenger by checking a guide every five seconds now, but honestly, there’s apparently a Bad End choice in every single one of the chat exchanges in Seven’s route, and some of them seem so innocent, and I accidentally clicked one even while using the guide because I didn’t see the asterisk, and I just . . .

OTL

If this ends up getting me the Bad End when I’m trying so very, very hard to get a good one, I’m gonna scream and then cry.

[sage-nebula]

I GOT THE BOY TO EAT SOMETHING

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I decided to try the April Fool's Day DLC and---I just---this fuCKING GAME ISTG