#owl is a metaphor for those years of my life

[futzingbarton]

someone who discarded me like a used rag showed up on my dash last night as i was about to sleep, despite them having said they were done with tumblr about 3 years ago, so that was a fun punch to the face

but the real kicker is i was so startled i closed the app and dealt with the emotional dysregulation so i don't even remember what the username was and now that means i get to either 1) go through my blog to find what their screen name is now, thereby losing my sanity to the halcyon days of nostalgic remembrance that will inevitably lead into absolute despair, or 2) sit around until they randomly post again leading to yet another surprise gutpunch

[akingdomscrypt]

Blood on Their Walls (Blood on My Hands)

Part One

Pairing; transmasc!reader x ????

Word Count; 4.6k

Summary; You're Her favorite. Act like it.

Warnings; murder (unnamed side character), blood, 27's weird serial killer vibes, human trafficking, dehumanization, panic & mild dissociation, stockholm syndrome, emotional manipulation, past non consensual body modifications & talk of future ones, needles (it's not as bad as it sounds)

A/n; I'M BACKK and I've had his story planned out from the beginning, second only Mouse :3. Dog/ animal metaphors for characters hold a special place in my heart y'all . And again, character pairing isn't mentioned as a result of the poll did forever ago

---"The Favorite"---

Nestled high up on a hill, surrounded by towering trees of ash, you're laid out on your stomach, buried in a dense thicket of underbrush. The articulated armor plating every inch of your body shields your skin from potential splinters and unwanted thorns—though the sharp barbs did snag and tear at your thick cloak.

The only sounds around you are the quiet rustles of rodents scurrying through the undergrowth, the distant hoot of an owl, and your own muted breathing. 

If you weren't who you were, if you hadn't lived your entire life going through trial after trial, endless experiments and rigorous training regimens, you wouldn't have been able to lay here. Perfectly still. Not moving even a centimeter beyond simple breathing—and even that could be temporarily optional if the need arose—, and watching.

For nearly a twenty-four hour period. 

Watching, waiting. You don't need a scope to see it, don't need those bulky night vision goggles like typical soldiers did. Your own two eyes were plenty efficient on their own.

Catching every slight movement through the two north facing windows; you had been observing it since before the sun greeted the land and now, still, far after the ball of fire had sunk below the horizon. 

Though as great as they may be, it is by pure luck that none of the many guards making their rounds around the building flash a light your way, as, even though you are expertly concealed and undetectable to the human eye, the unnatural gleam reflected by your irises would be a dead giveaway. 

Everything has its consequences.

But nothing of the sort happens, and you are left utterly alone to watch your prey in peace. 

Some old, retired veteran She wanted dead. Mostly grey and starting to bald. Somewhere between its forty-sixth and forty-seventh year alive; not that it mattered. It wouldn't be adding anymore years to that number.

It was prey, you its predator. And you were a very, very capable one.

The best.

Her best.

Predator-027.

Or, as stitched into every item of clothing you had, stamped onto every piece of equipment you owned, embroidered into your collar, and branded into your skin; P-027.

Top of your class; Her favorite.

It's almost laughable how easy it is to slip into your targets’ residence undetected. It had taken nothing more than slinking past a couple dozen armed guards, too dumb to notice you unhooking a key card from one of their belt loops, and swiping it through the reader on the door. The idiots are oblivious even to the beep that rings out when the light flashes green and the door unlocks with a harsh thack. 

The plain white card slips from between your gloved fingers, left to lay innocently in front of the victims’ door. Someone would need to discover the remains of your prey, and you did not plan on leaving the same way you had come. 

Nor did you expect to be here long. 

You don't turn on any lights, footfalls soundless on polished hardwood, barely even breathing as you make your way to your prey’s last known location. 

It would be much simpler to wait until it fell asleep, vulnerable and unaware, and most soldiers, even the majority of your fellow Predators, would take that path.

But you were the best, and you didn't need to wait. No use in lingering longer than absolutely necessary; you know exactly where it is, and what it is up to. 

The old general doesn't get further than wide, frightened eyes and a sharp intake of breath before your blade is slashing through flesh. Gloved hand on its chin, forcing the jaw shut, the pointed end of your knife dragging from one ear to the other. Blood poured down its pale hide, soaking its shirt and further. 

Dull blue eyes locked in permanent terror, jaw unhinged in a scream that would never be heard. Now laid supine on the hard floor, lowered with little effort on your part despite him being larger than yourself. Moonlight filters in through the window you had earlier observed it from, causing the pooling crimson around the carcass to shine and glimmer with the likeness of a ruby. 

A shame, really, that such a pretty substance circulated within those who didn't deserve it; sealed away under layers of useless flesh until you arrived to free it. And liberate it you did, as the liquid now flowed freely around its fallen form, painting the perfect flooring a beautiful shade of scarlet. 

Not a spec of blood marks your uniform, the layers of black as flawless as when you had entered. 

Your window is closing for the most important part of your assignment, though, so you don't linger much more. 

This task is a bit more unpredictable than the kill, so it eats up a little more of your time; with the occupant now deceased, you are free to roam and search the resistance without interruption. 

For the next half hour at least. 

Most soldiers kept it beside them at all times.. but a man like this, home neat and orderly, old uniform pressed and sealed with plastic in the master bedroom’s closet—decorated with dozens of tiny, colorful pins—wouldn’t just leave it out in the open. No. It would be somewhere hidden, somewhere memorable. 

Like a shrine. 

And just as you'd assumed, like a beacon the jewelry box on the dead general's dresser calls to you. Opening the few drawers embedded within the wooden, carved box is unnecessary, as, surely, a man so prideful of his old duties wouldn't bury it so far out of sight.

And there it is. 

Laid under the lid just as you'd anticipated; two circular disks identifying your prey as a once beloved man, threaded through a pristine chain. 

Shiny metal becomes shrouded by black shadows, nestled in the dark fabric of your gloves as your fingers curl around it. 

You stop to feel the hard lines through the cloth for a second, two, three, four, before tucking it away and making for your exit. Out the window and into the night.

His identity stolen, now yours. It belonged to you. 

Just as many others did. 

Back at home base, your first priority is to get through protocol as quickly as possible. Looking forward to returning to your personal quarters and stashing away the bits of metal you'd stuffed in your pocket. 

Getting in the compound is easy, not a single word needed to be spoken. A glance from you through the lense of a camera, and the two guards standing just inside the facility push a button, letting you into the first chamber. Then the next, and the next. Until you are through and into the first major checkpoint.

A single nurse quickly assesses you for any injuries, and, when he finds none, sends you on your way without another word. There is a sense of hunger that lingers in your empty stomach, but you push it aside, strutting down corridor after corridor. Past the lower levels where training is held, where the younger hatchlings sleep, then the average Predators and their handlers, and higher still. 

Greetings are traded with brief nods and murmured words amongst common soldiers, but none even dare to raise their gaze to meet yours.

Sure, everyone knows each other, and may recognize them by a simple number in passing. But you, you. You walk these halls with a confidence they could never possess. A title and position they could never have, could never hold nor fathom. Because you are Her favorite, not them. And they all want to be you.

And because you are Her favorite, you are granted the honor of being able to visit and decompress from the operation in your quarters before giving Her your debrief. 

Which is exactly where you disappear to, after every single mission, back in your room with the overhead light on the dimmest setting, your belongings bathed in that low, warm glow.

A bed pressed in one corner, a desk on the opposite wall, by the door, and a nice little closet to organize all of your clothing and weapons in. 

Your target at the moment is the good sized box that fits perfectly under your bed; made out of cardboard and just small enough to slide in snugly, something you'd picked out of the warehouse several years back. 

It's not like anyone would miss the little thing anyway; it got far more use here, in your room, than it ever would in the dusty corner of a storage room. 

Carefully, you unbuckle each of your gloves, sliding them off by the middle digit and laying them on the floor beside you. Then with tender hands, you guide the box out from beneath your bed, placing it in your lap and gently unfolding the top. 

You take a moment to appreciate the collection you already had stored away, the metals inside varying from rusty and bloodstained, to polished and shiny. Some held together by a keyring while others were looped onto a chain; several more lay loose at the bottom of the box.  

Next you reach a hand into your pocket, grasping the cool metal between your fingers; cradling them in your bandaged palm, savoring the victory of yet another operation. 

Now dangling the tags above the rest in the box, gently holding it up by the chain, you slowly lower it atop the rest. A new add-on to your collection. 

Another name that you own. 

Closing it back up, you slide the box back into its rightful place, making sure it stays hidden from view. Buckling your gloves back into place and pushing yourself up to your feet.

You beeline for Her office right after that; to the right down the hall and up one last final staircase, Her place nestled directly above your own.

A subtle one, two tap of your knuckles against the metal door is all it takes for the automatic lock to slide open, granting you entrance. An invitation you take immediately, not wanting to be late.

She is still in the middle of a meeting with a few other high ranking officers when you enter, but that doesn't affect you. It only means you will have to be a little patient. You're good at that.

Your legs carry you to stand in front of Her desk, a pace or two behind the occupied chairs positioned before it. Posture straight and stiff, shoulders back and chin raised; gaze dead set on the empty space in your direct line of sight. 

She doesn't leave you waiting long, acknowledging your presence with a soft sigh and an endearing drawl of, “Ah, there's my dog. Right on time.” 

The sound of wheels rolling over hardwood flooring and the subtle vibrations that travel through the ground tell you that She is approaching.

Now in your line of sight, She gives you a glance only you could decipher. In the presence of company, you better be on your best behavior. 

Good dogs get rewarded, disobedient mutts get The Muzzle (and The Box if She's feeling particularly unforgiving). 

Which means you don't flinch when She moves to loom behind you. Grabbing your jaw firmly with one hand and bringing a pair of surgical scissors to your face. With a single finger, the hand with the tool hooks under the thin fabric of your cowl, yanking it down in one swift movement to reveal the mask beneath. 

Readjusting Her grip on your jaw first, She then deftly slips the cool metal instrument beneath the mask; removing each and every neat stitch with a practiced precision.

You can feel the other three officers’ eyes burning into your skin as she slowly unveils your face, causing your heart rate to increase, just a bit. The urge to flee seeping into your bones, a crawling sensation prickling under your skin, growing increasingly stronger the more they stare; as if hundreds of little maggots have begun to wiggle and squirm beneath your delicate flesh, gnawing away at the muscle and fat that lies just beneath. 

But you don't move. The mask comes off, falls silently to the floor, they stare, Her hand is on your skin, the urge to claw, to itch, grows- but you stay still. Obedient. You're a good dog.

“It's perfect, isn't it?” She speaks suddenly, and you hear the three men murmur their agreement. “A perfect dog, I've trained it well.”

“This the one you are lending out overseas?” One of the men asks. You don't look, don't tear your gaze away from the wall in front of you. This is the first you've heard of being sent out again. So far out, no less. 

Maybe the man is wrong. Isn't it a bit early to send you into the world again? You've only just gotten back.

“It is,” She sounds smug when She says this. Confident, and you let out the breath you had been holding; slow and controlled, the way your muscles tense up further is imperceptible to the other people in the room. But you know She can feel it.

Her eyes say all that is left unspoken when they flick back to you again. 

You don't meet those piercing hues; keep your own gaze locked forward. Don't look. Never look. That was lesson number one.

“As you can see,” She continues, one hand still on your jaw, holding you in place, the other moving to make a grab for your right arm. Limp in Her hold, pliant, as she moves it this way and that. “He's perfectly obedient. My best one yet; I can do anything I want to it. And it will remain loyal, will not resist.” 

“We're even in the process of a few additional body modifications to improve it.” Her hand slides down your arm to grip your wrist, unclasping the glove before slipping it off and dropping that on the floor too. “Something that will pair well with these,” 

Next comes the bandage wrapped around your fingers and secured around your palm. It, too, is discarded in a pile at your feet.  

Your fingertips are still sore, and it's a challenge to not instinctively flinch away as She trails a digit over one of the healing scars. “We haven't used them in practice yet, but my team is confident they will perform excellently under pressure.”

Five, surgically implanted, claw-like structures to replace the blunt nails that used to be there. Still a bit new and soft, the flesh red and raw around the incisions. 

Your left hand is identical; the keratin-like material is set to be hardened and ready for use following the next few weeks. 

“And if they don't?” Another man asks. His voice in particular grates on your nerves, worse than the sensation of another person's flesh touching your own.

“Then we'll remove them,” She says, and you can feel Her shrug from where She stands behind you. She twists and turns your hand, showing off every angle of the alteration that had been made to your hand to the men in the room. “If they do, we will begin preparations for performing the same procedure on the others. Starting with the Hatchlings.” 

Dropping your hand, She moves on. Not quite finished with you yet. 

“If this one is a success, we're already working on the logistics for its equally fatal counterpart.”

“Which will be..?” The third man finally speaks up. Always so soft spoken, you hardly ever hear this one say much more than a greeting to Her. 

She doesn't use words for this part, simply adjusting Her hold on your jaw and giving a small squeeze. “Open.” She commands, low enough to only be picked up by your ears.

You do just that. Letting your mouth fall open, giving her full access to that part of you as well. And she takes it with greed.

Prying your pliant jaws apart and using the other hand to pull your upper lip up and out of the way. Displaying your well-kept teeth to the others, the appraising hums from the three men tell you they know exactly where She's leading this. 

“The human bite is one of the deadliest in the world,” She says, pushing two fingers into your mouth. All with the confidence of someone who knows that an obedient dog like yourself would never consider biting Her. “And that is just with the sheer amount of bacteria found in our saliva. Not taking into account that humans are capable of exerting a bite force of up to 125 kilograms. Take that and add a full set of razor sharp canines on top?”

Saliva pools on your tongue, beginning to flood your mouth, but you don't dare to swallow. To do anything without Her direct permission. 

“Just imagine that..” And right before it spills over, She withdraws. Pulling Her fingers out of your mouth and urging your jaw closed. You swallow greedily, the relief instant. 

She continues to speak after that, but you don't pay it any mind. Mind blank as She secures the glove and cowl back in place; the under mask discarded in a trashcan. 

At some point you end up standing beside Her desk, Herself now seated back in Her chair. Your gaze once more locked on nothing in particular, simply staring into the air ahead.

Her voice, along with the three others, becomes white noise as you wait. 

The meeting lasts for a while longer after that, you pay no attention to what they say. You don't need to, good dogs don't have to do anything but follow orders. And your current one was simple; stand and look pretty.

With your glove back in place, cloth wrapped around your face, you are much more calm. No longer does your skin burn with the need to itch and tear at it, and for the most part, nobody pays you any mind. 

All except one. You feel the soft spoken, no-name man sparing you a glance here and there throughout the meeting, but you ignore it.

It is not your place to question, nor wonder others’ actions. Your place is to obey. And you are very good at that. 

Besides, you have other, more important things to mull over. Like where She could possibly be sending you, for one, after you had just arrived back in the Nest this morning. 

She never shipped you out again this early, usually giving you a couple days grace period before sending you off again. 

It seemed to be set in stone already, though, so never mind the why, it was the where that was concerning. She usually kept you close to home; you didn't appreciate the loud, obstructive bangs and clanks that large vehicles created. The sounds are much too bothersome for your heightened senses; even before your transformation, you'd always had sensitive ears.

This is why, for the most part, you traversed to your assigned target hotspots by foot. You much preferred that over the headache of cars and other noisy vehicles. 

The same went for your eyes, which is why you usually only hunted at night; the sun and bright, artificial lights much too intense for your nocturnal sight. 

The meeting is officially drawn to a close when the last officer exits Her office and the door clicks shut. Only then does She acknowledge you again, chair turning and a soft sight leaving her lips.

“Go sit.” She commands, and you follow quickly. Your muscles enjoy the small stretch after both today's standing and yesterday's position stuck laying on the ground. 

It ends all too soon when you make it over to the little sofa in her office; pushed up against the left wall and far from comfortable, but the familiarity is a comfort on its own and you relax marginally once seated on the hard cushion. Legs off the floor and folded neatly so you can sit with your body turned inward, hands folded in your lap. 

She takes Her time, collecting a few items from Her desks’ drawer before coming to sit in front of you on the sofa. Her own hands are gloved this time too, a small detail that lowers your guard significantly. The smooth latex against your flesh much better than skin on skin.

“You did well, 27,” She murmurs, that soft tone reserved for when speaking to you and you only. Mindful of your sensitivity to sound; though in front of company She has to put up a tougher act. Can't let them know She has any weaknesses, as She always tells you. “Always obedient. Never doubted your capabilities for a moment.” 

Gently, She takes one of your hands into Her own—the one She had used to showcase your most recent modification—removing the glove with a practiced ease. 

“You know I do not enjoy sending you back out so early,” She begins, and you nod along. Watching as she carefully inspects the stitches in your fingers, checking each one then pulling out a small bottle. Delicately coating the incisions with the ointment. “But this one is urgent.” 

Next is the wrap, looping the bandage around each finger once, twice, before going once over your palm and securing it around your wrist. 

“I have made multiple accommodations already, you know how much I hate seeing you in discomfort, but I will be sending you overseas.” Your other hand clenched reflexively, a sharp pain electrifying your nerves from the very tips of your fingers and up the entire length of your arm; burrowing into your shoulder. 

“I know, it's not what either of us want.” Replacing your glove She reaches for the other, unfurling your stiff fingers and repeating the process. Glove, ointment, bandage, glove again. “But if you want to keep being good, I need you to do this for me, okay? It's an easy one, don't worry.” 

Both hands done, next comes the mask. Ever-so-softly, She reaches with both hands, slowly lowering your cowl. You didn't mind it so much when it was Her looking at you, because you knew She didn't expect you to look at Her back. She wouldn't scold you for staring between Her eyes instead of directly at them; not like He did.

“You will attach yourself to a commander over in North America, do whatever he tells you, just as you would with me,” you tense at that, but She soothes you with a soft hum and delicate brush of a gloved thumb over your cheek. “You will not give him full control, of course, you are still my dog, not his. But in order for this to work you must infiltrate his very operation; earn his trust and the ones of his comrades.” 

Just like earlier, She commands an “open,” and taps your jaw; only this time it's a soft murmur and not the harsh uttering when in front of company. You do as you're told, and She quickly scrapes off what had been applied before your last operation. Wiping it off on a cloth She had laid on Her thigh, then, carefully, She coats every bit of your teeth in a fresh layer. A sticky substance upon application, but fast to dry, intended to keep your teeth clean and protected until the next mask removal. 

Cradling your jaw with one hand, She takes care in cleaning your face of all the grime that had collected on your skin during your week-long operation—a couple days spent getting there, one for the kill, and then the return home. Making sure to remove every bit of sweat and such before drying you off with a soft cloth.

“Now,” She says, letting your skin finish drying while She prepares the needle and thread. A fresh mask already readied on her lap. “Although this is more of a recon operation, you are, as usual, permitted to eliminate any and all prey that threatens your assignment.” 

Having done this so many times before, you barely even feel the slight pinch of the needle entering and exiting your skin again and again. Already used to the feel of the thin string moving beneath the surface of your flesh, the tug and pull as She secures the new mask to your face. Still a plain black, the fabric plenty breathable even with the addition of the usual cowl on top. 

Once the last stitch is placed, leaving a small hole at the bottom, She gently gives it a few tugs, assuring it stays where it should. 

You feel Her gaze locking onto your eyes, and you spare Her a glance in turn before looking away again and giving a brief nod. 

You can do this, of course you can. You are Her favorite for a reason. 

It's just a little rushed.. but you know She would never give you anything you couldn't handle. Your hands, currently snuggly wrapped in bandages, is proof of that. Even though the surgeons had given you a funny look when you'd scoffed at the idea of being put under. You hadn't even struggled. She had been so proud.

You are packed up and on the aircraft the next morning. A duffle containing everything you could possibly need over the next few weeks, or however long his operation may take—that is where She had been a little unclear, not giving you a specific date of return when you had asked—, resting on the bench beside you.

It was you, the pilot, and an older officer onboard and no one else. 

You didn't like the uncertainty of not knowing the exact dates and times of your missions very much. It unnerves you, having an empty slot of time looming, daunting, waiting for you to fail. A solid end and beginning gave you something to lean on, a safeguard to keep you from floating away; otherwise you were nothing more than a lost duckling at sea, awaiting the relief of a predator's jaws. 

Because what were you when stripped of what She gave you? Without the enhanced vision or hearing, the endurance or strength, everything She and the collective gave you? Nothing. 

She saved you. She took you in when no one else wanted you. And you owed Her everything. 

So despite the fact that the very thought of this operation had cold, liquid dread filling your veins, an imminent sense of something lingering over your head- you would do this. For Her.

You are nothing without Her. And never could be.

The ordinary headphones issued to protect ears from the harmful noise of the aircraft were not enough for your own oversensitive ones, and She had kindly requested a pair specifically to cater to your specialized needs. Even the man sent to accompany you on this flight had been directed to sit on the other side of the cabin, giving you plenty of room to sit and be without feeling overcrowded.

Your bag carries extra cloaks and masks, neatly organized knives and other small weapons, dozens of packets of standard issued blended foods in your favored flavors—courtesy of Her, likely—, a couple metal straws for eating and drinking, some personal care items, everyday clothes, and, of course, a mini sewing kit and other miscellaneous things to repair your clothing if need be. She had even included a good chunk of cash secured by a metallic clip in American currency. 

She did everything for you, put so much effort into you, and it was time you repaid Her kindness.

At least now you knew where you were headed. 

__

Masterpost | Next

__

@cptg00s3 @ruthgrimxiao @20nerd04-blog @gloma08 @mikahrh @in-down @hauntedapplefarm @mello-life69 @unkn0wnd3ad @tayaisback @starre-eyes @gabbvr-dog @suhmie @lazyrel @spiritzofthedead @yeonpm @its-ares @k1ssesofdeath @ravagerdogz @embry-garrick @the-spartan-himself @justacreamcheesesandwich @dilf-lvvr @tukus13

If you want to be added, or removed, to the tag list, let me know in the comments!

[puimoo]

Some thoughts on Dick's parents, away from the rose-tinted glasses.

[Obligatory ‘new to comic canon’ warning!]

I was working on writing up my thoughts on young!Dick in general, when I kept getting stuck in my thoughts around how there are particular personality traits he likely already possessed before coming into Bruce’s care. This led me down the Grayson family route, which is always interesting. In everything I have consumed so far, this is always portrayed as a very loving relationship that hasn’t really been explored in much depth in canon. Which leads me to…

I completely understand why Dick loves his parents so deeply and don’t doubt at all that they loved him, but there is also this interesting selfishness with them that I find difficult to ignore.  I can’t help but keep coming back to this: they included Dick in an act where they chose not to have a net.  A position where, if he makes a mistake, it could mean his death or (probably worse for Dick) the death of his parents. This isn’t a situation that occurred out of necessity, his parents chose to do this: they could have chosen to use a net when they started involving Dick in their act, but they didn’t.  They could have chosen to wait until Dick was older and more able to make a call about what risks he could and couldn’t take, but they didn’t.  When the options were to adapt their act to protect their son or to keep it as they wanted to, they chose the latter – and I would say because the act wouldn’t be the same if they did.  I very much doubt it’s because they didn’t realise the risk involved, and rather that it wasn’t enough to get them to make changes. 

And so, you have an 8-year-old Dick Grayson who has likely been training for years under the knowledge that if he doesn’t get things perfect – if he makes a mistake – he and his parents could/would die (and it would be his fault).  You have an 8-year-old Dick whose parents are willing to risk his well-being for the ‘greater good’, and he sees this as normal – this is how families are, the payoff is worth it. You have an 8-year-old Dick who likely doesn’t value his own life quite as much as he probably should, because his parents didn’t exactly appear to, either.  You have an 8-year-old Dick Grayson dealing with adult responsibilities and adult consequences. 

This is all drummed into Dick at some level before Bruce even enters the picture. It helps explain why young!Dick struggles to understand why he shouldn’t be able to fight at Bruce’s side – his parents included him in situations that could (and did) turn deadly, and they didn’t feel the need to include a physical or metaphorical safety net.  This is going to sound really harsh, but I think it’s also kind of true: they didn’t value Dick enough to. The act was more important, and the show must go on.

I don’t doubt at all that his parents loved him.  In some ways, it’s even worse that this comes from a place where there is likely love because it gets as deeply ingrained as those healthier, positive parental elements.  However. There is an interesting prioritising of their act over Dick, and I’d love to see this explored more.  Less the perfect, untouchable parents and more the actually somewhat morally grey parents who had both a positive and negative impact on their son.

(or: we really throw the cat amongst the pigeons and hypothesize that the reason they don't use a net with Dick is because it is part of his preparation for the Court of Owls, but that is not simply taking off the rosy glasses but smashing them completely!)

[ohgeeeznotagain]

When we made the video for our new song, "Summer Weather," we green screened ourselves into a bunch of tropical beach scenes - a metaphor for escaping to an illusory fantasy, while in reality you're still living in a gray winter.

But to be honest, tropical islands aren't what I think of when I picture “Summer Weather". This photo is what "Summer Weather" means to me. Growing up, I had a fascination with roller coasters and amusement parks. My family and I would go on week-long roadtrips each summer to visit new parks. Today, as I go about writing songs inspired by my personal life for the first time in many years, I'm struck by how much that childhood love has shaped the language that I use in my lyrics (it’s no accident that this song that was supposed to be about The Owl House uses theme park imagery), and also my idea of what escapism and fantasy looks like.

I have this image in my head of the perfect summer evening. An evening where the endless blue sky and orange sunset give way to multicolored neon lights. There’s a lake breeze in the leaves, birds calling, and the sound of roller coaster trains zooming by over the excitement of the crowds. It’s not warm, but not hot, and everyone’s having a great time. It’s a scene I’ve been trying to capture in my art for a long time, and one I’ve been searching for in reality for over a decade. 

I don’t know if this image is based on any particular memory, or assembled from fractured pieces of my childhood that I can’t quite place, but either way I don’t know if it actually exists anymore. At least not for me. I’ve been to plenty of amusement parks since then, but I never found that perfect evening. I think it can only be experienced when you’re young - too young to worry about what’s happening tomorrow, or aware of the world outside yourself, or recognize all the myriad logistics behind the operations of an amusement park. Once you notice those things, you can't push them aside, and “perfect” days don’t exist in the same way. 

And that’s what makes me sad - to think that that ideal picture in my mind will always be nothing more than that - a daydream. It makes me retreat further into the memory, into the fantasy, away from reality. 

And that’s when it’s Summer Weather in my mind.

Lawn chairs for everyone.

[originalwinnercheesecake]

The Owl House Watching and Dreaming Analysis. (Spoilers)

Its over. Its been around 3 years and now its over. Well like Luz says its time for a new chapter now. The majority of my tag is posts about the owl house, and now I have to find a new thing to post on. I like Molly Magee, but so far not enough to spend hours typing out analysis and theories. I got into Ducktales 2 years late and, it has me going through Disney plus to find more shows about the wacky highjinks of the duck family, so if that corner of the Disney fandom is still alive maybe I will pop in their from time to time. I also happen to like a few live action shows.

But before that I want to close out the owl house with 1 (possibly a coupe more posts). This one is my recount and review of the Owl Houses final episode, and will focus on the families and connections at the end, as I feel they were the most important part of the episode, Warning long post and spoilers below.

I will start off with talking about Meeting Kings father and what we learned about Titans. We have comfirmation now that Titans do not have spouces/mates and reproduce Asexually. King’s dad did not object to being refered to as Dad, but was term wise both his dad and mom. Two things: 1 does this mean King (who doesn’t need labels right now because he is only 8) will grow up to be aroace, like Lilith? 2 this is confirmation that he will still be able to become a parent 1 day, which I am glad about, because we know he will outlive Eda, Lilith, and Luz and this way we know he will still be able to have a family again after they pass on. Also we now have confirmation that the baby titan skulls in the trapers room were kings brothers and sisters. Were the Full grown ones his oldest siblings or were they his dad’s siblings. Also the owl beast. I knew it...they? Were a titan, and that were were probably the last living one Bill mentioned since king as an egg couldn’t cry or run, and was still being hidden. At first I thought they might be his parent, but it looks like they are actually either his older sibling or his aunt/uncle... They are still inside his mom and aunt, so they are a part of his life.

So now on to King’s Dad as a parent. Because the Titans heart was still beating he actually was not completely gone. His spirit was alive in the in between realms and was watching over King, is shown to be delighted that his son found such a nice family to raise him, and is confirmed to have had a bit of a hand guiding Luz in how quickly she learned glyphs and wild magic. This all feels like methaphors for Heaven and Guardian Angels. I do not know what Dana belives or if she belives in anything. She certainly hasn’t been shy about making metaphors to the bad parts of religon/christianity. But i am glad she also made these refrences loving and positive. They can be comforting to those that have lost loved ones.

Now on to the Collector. First the older collectors aren’t his gaurdians, they are his older siblings. From their point of view the war between titans and collectors was just them being mean and breaking their baby brothers toys. Okay, they are jerks, and it was a horrible thing to do, but okay the show didn’t go full on SU diamonds parasitic route. This makes me feel a bit better about how our collectors arc ended. King’s family and He forgave each other and are good friends, the collector is confirmed to come visit them from time to time, but he went back to the Star’s to finish growing up. His siblings better feel bad about him having been stuck in thousand year time out because of them, and better leave his new friends alone now. Him going back was one of the three options I felt were possible and while not perfect I genuienly do think it was the best one. The collector was ultimelty to powerful to live on the isles full time without hurting someone, and with all the repairs and rebuilding needed to be done Eda and Raine did not have the time needed to watch him as much as he needed.

No lets go on To Luz. She moved back to the Human realm to live with her mother and sister, and graduate from earth school in graves field. It also looks like Camila was able to eventually forge the documents needed to adopt Vee in the human realm and send her to school with Luz. But we can see that a permenent portal was opened at the old house (how can Camila afford two houses on her single parent vetenairy income? Did she pay in snails and the seller think she had gold?). Luz, Camilia, and eventually Vee (wonder how long that took) made visitations to the demon realm. Luz had the option to chose which realm she wanted to live in once she grew up. It also looks like Eda got upgraded from being Luz’s temporary host parent to being like a God mothe rto her. Camila will always be Luz’s real mother, but Eda still getting to stay in their lives as support is for the best. Camilia and Luz went through so much when Manny died and they were struggling to deal with it by themsleves. I said in an earlier post that I believe the owl house to ultimately be about finding a community that is suportive of you. Camila, Luz, and Vee did not have that before, but they do now.

Now on to Hunter. So the final hints very strongly that he was adopted by Darius, not Camila, and not Eda (who FYI had no positive interactions with Hunter and should not have been considered as heavily as she was by fans). This again makes the most sense. While watchig Thanks to them when Hunter is mentioned to be happy and doing well in the human world I was like “Alright the story still works great if Hunter becomes Hunter Noceda. Darius can just be a mentor to him if he goes back to the iles in summers”. But then when he described the life he wanted at the end of the episode I was confused because everything he said was things he could only do in the demon realm. He wanted to go back perminently. I doubt Camila will ever want to fully live in the demon realm, Luz did probably need to live in both worlds until she was an adult to fully make a fair choice, and you know it took months/years for Vee to step foot there. I still hope Camila got to be Hunters God mom or was in his life as a surogate Aunt. Hey Darius and Eberwolf are implied to have become like Police officers, dedicated to stoping suporters of Belos’s system fromt trying to reinstate it. It thoretically could have been possible that they would be away for stretches and Hunter would need another adult to stay with some of the time.

Reminder of what Darius and Hunter’s relationship was like since a lot of it had to develop off screen. Darius and Hunter are strongly hinted to have started spending more time together post ASIAS, by Hollow Minds Darius had grown so fond of Hunter that he was ready to abort his cover to help him. When Hunter ran away from the EC Darius is confirmed to have tracked him down to ensure he was safe, and Hunter was comfortable leaving his hiding place to go on a mission Darius gave him (protect Luz while she went to break Amity out of the manor). Hunter was very worried/scared when he saw Darius on the stage at the Day of Unity. Also while Hunter did not put Darius’s picture on the wall he started sewing every piece of fabric he could find in the Noceda’s basement and would talk about how this was something he practiced with Darius. So he clearly missed him, but I do not think he realized how much Darius and Eberwolf missed HIM until they came looking for him after waking up. On the subject of Eberwolf and Hunter, I have seen the headcannon that Eberwolf calls Hunter pup/cub but can we as a fandom please come up with a term Hunter uses for Eberwolf. there is no way they call each other “Uncle” and “Nephew”. Those are definitly trigger word for Hunter.

Also the Blue bird Palisman Hunter eventually carved himself. I am glad its a bird, because Hunter had Palisman as therapy/support animals and birds were the animal he was most comfortable with. I want to name his new bird Bananas. Since Bananas, like Flapjacks, were a human food he was unfirmilar with in the demon realm. I am also so glad that show let him grieve Flapjack and take his time before getting a new palisman. Flapjack was Hunters biggest support during his darkest time and I was so afraid that they would trivialize his lose due to the shortened season. But no not only did they give him a grave that got visitited, not only did Hunter get a tattoo of Flapjack, but so did Willow and Luz, maybe Gus and Amity as well. Flapjack was so loved and so missed, as he should be.

 On to Alador x Darius. I ship the couple but I am so glad how it was handled, with them basically being confirmed to not get together for another 3-4 years. As cute as their dynamic is, it would have been extstreamly problamatic for them to get together soon after the battle with Belos. Alador was just getting out of a long, abusive, marriage. While we do not get a chance to fully explore Darius’s character and what caused him to close himself off from his old friends, we know he was working through some things and closing a chapter on a mission that had been a big focus f his life. Not to mention that both men had teenagrs who had been tramatized and needed/deserved to be their dad’s full focus for the time being. So for that I am glad we did not get the Blight-Deammone step family.

One kinda nice twist was that Alador decided he wanted to build medical machines and Emira was the child that ended up working with him. Emira was the child who seemed to have the least in common with Alador so I liked that they eventualy had something they could do together. A stranger surprise was Amity and Lilith’s reunion, and the strong hints that they started working together again and bonded. Dana dropped them being Mentor and protage like a hot potato after Covention day and was quick to post that they were never close/did not like each other when asked. So its kinda strange that she suddenly had them start caring and tried to portray Lilith as a strong female figure in Amity’s life after her seperating completely from Odalia. This is the big thing I feel should have been either explored more or dropped.

Lastly reagrding the end credits; I am upset that for how many clips we saw of both Steve and Matt towards the end we did not get a single on of them reuniting or together. Come on Show Why. That said I love the jobs they were shown to have afterwards. I expected Steve to maybe get an internship/assistant job at the museum with Lilith, since they were such good friends. Seeing him, still friends with Lilith, but also with the Catt’s and working to rehabilitate other coven scouts was so much better. And finding out that Matt became a hotshot architectural designer on the isles is just perfect. Also I spent 3/4ths of the End credits going “Where is Gus. Do not leave him out of this time jump”. Then I find out he graduated early and was teaching students about the human realm at Eda, Raine, and Lilith’s new university. The little genius. They’re is no confirmation that he and Matt ever got together, but Oh well. Maybe they did and are just not into PDA? maybe did and broke up/were on a break? Maybe they only ever stayed friends? It was my second favorite ship (besides Lumity) but if it didn’t happen that’s okay.

All in All this was the owl house final. It was exciting, intense, it tied up lose ends,and gave our charcters ends that while not perfect, where the best they could have been. Good job Dana. Good Job Owl House Crew. Thank you for the show. Its helped me a lot with getting through the past 3 years.

[0bstinate]

Do you have any batfam and/or bat ship fic recs ? 🥺

hey anon! sorry it took a while for me to answer this ask. but here are all the batfam / jaydick fics i've bookmarked on ao3:

batfam:

Five Times Jason Todd Saved His Brothers, and One Time They Saved Him by laceymcbain, reena_jenkins

summary:

“Did you know I was in here, or did you just blow up the place for fun?”

Damian didn't need to see Todd's face to know he was grinning under the helmet.

“It's not really a rescue unless something blows up. But if Bats asks, it was completely necessary."

commentary: amazing characterization, lots of BAMF Jason and family feels. also, the writing is very easy to follow and get immersed in!

Bird by Bird by laceymcbain

summary:

Bullets, knives, a three story fall, even a fucking crowbar hadn't managed to keep Jason down permanently, but Dick Grayson (and the rest of his "family") was going to kill him with kindness.

commentary: amazing characterization once again, the hurt/comfort is an added bonus, also i just really love how the author writes Jason lol

Incident, Coincidence, Pattern by laceymcbain, reena_jenkins

summary:

"If once is an incident, twice is coincidence, and three times is a pattern, what's four?" Tim asked.

"A mistake," Jason said between clenched teeth. "A big mistake."

commentary: i loved the start of the fic so much, the imagery was something i couldn't get out of my head

The Art of Bird Metaphor by lowflyingfruit

sumamry:

Batman works alone. Everyone knows that. What Jason's learning is that he also has a penchant for picking up strays. And while Jason's just your common or garden Gotham street rat, Bruce's other stray, Richard, is an ex-assassin for the Court of Owls. An ex-assassin for the Court of Owls who hates Jason's guts.

Adjusting to life in Wayne Manor was hard enough already.

commentary:

some batfam feels, i don't really remember much about the fic aside form the fact that it's one of the first batfam fics i've bookmarked lol

jaydick:

The Time After I'm Gone by GraySonOfGotham

summary:

Jason Todd, Robin, 15-year-old Boy Wonder meets Dick Grayson, Nightwing, 28-year-old Golden Boy, ten years in the future.

This is not the Jason Dick knows. This Jason is happy, spunky, has spirit and soul. This is the Jason Dick longs to protect, to reassure. This is the Jason of Dick's past.

But here he is now, oblivious to what future awaits him, and Dick does not have the heart to spoil the boy's happiness nor does he want to let him go to his fate.

commentary: this was THE jaydick fic anon. one of my most favorite fics that had me crying at 3 am from the angst and feels. this fic pretty much ruined me, but it's okay because it was THAT good! highly recommend reading!

copy by orphan_account

summary:

She said he would be thirteen years younger. Damian was planning to go after him in three. He showed up in one.

Damian's brother wants only one thing, to destroy Damian and take everything he has. One of those things just happens to be Dick Grayson.

commentary:

okay this fic is pretty twisted, so please check the tags for all the content warnings! the character study in this fic is amazing, the author made the antagonist very unnerving for a reason, and the overall dark theme had me binge reading this fic in one sitting lmao

Pretty Bird by Sevidri

summary:

Dick and Jason have a run-in with a sorceress. Things take a turn for the unexpectedly horrifying.

commentary:

the body horror was captivating! it's a short read, but you'll definitely think about the fic for a long time! (honestly wished the author made the fic longer)

A Love Triangle With The Same Person by Chrystie, kate882

summary:

Dick might have a bit of a thing for Jason, one of Red Hood's criminal underlings. But he's also already a little in love with Red Hood.

commentary:

i wasn't really into identity porn before, but this author changed my mind with how good this fic is! i highly recommend checking out their other works! the way they also wrote the romance between Jason and Dick is just *chef's kiss*

(that's it for now, i know i still have a bunch of other fics in my bookmarks but i can't really remember all of them, so hopefully these fics will suffice for now! make sure to read all the tags before reading each fic anon and i hope you have fun reading all of them!

feel free to chat/message me your thoughts about the fics! i'd love to talk about them with you!)

[pyroclastic727]

Owl House said fuck capitalism

So this episode was interesting. Lilith pretty much killed her sister. Why the fuck would she do that?

Even more interesting: why is Belos like that? How did Hooty put his head through one of those guards? Who the fuck is the Titan, and why does everyone like him? And how are these all tied together?

This episode was a metaphor for capitalism

...and another delicious step towards radicalizing the youth into dismantling this fucked-up neo-feudal system.

We’ll start with Belos. 

Emperor Belos is a weird name, don’t you think? We all thought it was spelled “Bellows,” but it wasn’t. In fact, it’s five letters, starts with Be, ends with os, and describes a megalomaniac emperor that restricts people’s freedom in order to accumulate wealth for himself.

Sound familiar?

Emperor Bezos Belos created capitalism. He saw the beauty of magic and decided to make himself the most powerful.

Belos created a system that destroys the masses and boosts his power.

 I’m dipping into fan theory a little, because the fan theory fits. We know that people get branded with coven magic that makes it so they can only specialize in one area. We know that Belos is the most powerful witch in the Boiling Isles. We know that the excess magic, magic created by restrictions, has to go somewhere.

It’s the same system that many viewers see all the time. A job takes up all your day and tires you for the night, so you can only do one skill for the rest of your life. Jeff Bezos is the most powerful man in the United States. Excess money, money taken by restrictions, has to go somewhere.

The magic goes to Belos, like how the money goes to Bezos. Belos created capitalism, and he won it.

The guards aren’t real. 

Look, we’ve never seen their faces. They’re all the same. Why would you work so hard to get to the top, just to become a nameless, faceless killing machine?

Oh, also Hooty stuck his face through one. There is nothing under the armor.

Why? Well, it’s the same reason you see all those celebrities going around flaunting their wealth and bragging about how hard they worked. Like all those songs about how they grind every day and work harder than everyone else while you’re out clubbing, and that makes them dope. And then you take a closer look at them and see that they had a small loan of a million dollars fueling them, or an entire talent agency behind them, or their dad was a famous country star in the 80′s. 

They’re fake. They’re hollow. They’re a ploy created by the capitalist emperor to try to delude you into working harder. 

Let me put this into perspective. I guarantee that every single one of you has heard stuff like this: “Hard work makes you successful.” “I put in the work, and that’s why I’m successful.” “If you work hard enough, then you can be as successful as Mark Zuckerberg.” 

And unless you’re a robot or really lucky, I’m sure all of you have failed at this. Maybe they told you that hard work would make you good at math, so you spent 22 hours a week working on calculus, only to pass it by 3 percentage points and have it destroy your perfect 4.0 GPA. Maybe they told you that if you talked to people enough, then you would make friends, so you spent a lot of time talking to people, only to end up lonely and friendless. Maybe they told you that if you did well in school, you would get a good job, so you spent all your time working hard to be a good student, and then ended up in a soulless, dead-end job.

The guards are there to delude you. Look, who really gains from you being productive? The answer is the ruling class, the CEOs, the government, the bourgeoisie. It has always been that. All you get from working is a paycheck that lets you survive. They get a paycheck that lets them get rich. Just like Belos gets the magic and productivity of the specialized coven witches.

The guards are there to trick you. The truth is that nobody can join the Emperor’s Coven. It’s just there to make you think that hard work will make you successful. Then you spend your entire life working hard, trying to prove to the person in charge that you’re worthwhile. You give your whole life to the Coven, and they give you nothing. 

Magic is supposed to be something you pursue for fun. Being skilled at things, being good at something beautiful...that’s supposed to be something you do because you want to. But they took that and made it into a source of productivity. It doesn’t matter if you make good content. All people fucking care about is if you upload the day of premiere, if you make a lot of content quickly, if you maintain a million different conversations with strangers who expect you to be the most interesting person in the room. They don’t care how it hurts you. They don’t care how you crack from the stress. How you cry when you think no one can see you, and then you check your phone and someone can see you, someone did see you, and you have to put on your face and be the charming, magnetic person they want you to be. (oh by the way that’s why I wasn’t online much last week)

And it ruins it. Suddenly you can’t watch The Owl House without being stressed. You can’t make any content. You can’t make spells as powerfully as you want to. Your passion is replaced by perfectionism and insecurity, a voice telling you to keep being the best at what you do, or else they’ll forget you and let you die.

There’s also the Titan. 

So nobody has mentioned him before, because in addition to the Boiling Isles being a hellscape full of witchcraft and queerness, it’s also full of atheists. 

But suddenly we have people saying all this shit about him? Shit like, he gave witches the gift of magic, and then they learned to use it in a civilized manner, since being uncivilized was disrespectful?

I mean, first off, that’s fucking wrong. The island gives people magic. The island, which just so happened to be shaped like a titan-sized human. But the island/titan gives everyone all types of magic. Hell, even Luz gets to use magic, and she’s human. 

It sounds really fucking familiar. (tw for discussion of homophobia and colonialism and misogyny). It sounds like when the news is on and they show some Tr*mp supporter talking about how fetuses have more rights than people and it is their holy duty to take away a woman’s control over her body and force her through unbearable pain and into an 18-year commitment she didn’t want to make. It sounds like all the times people tried to say homosexuality should be illegal, citing a single line in a book written two thousand years ago and heavily edited by a European king. It sounds like all the times people said God wanted them to conquer, to own the entire earth, to force the other races into pain to support them.

This is that bullshit thing people do where they commit awful sins and justify it by citing the will of God. 

Or, it’s the Coven using religion as an excuse for evil.

Look, the Emperor’s Coven is clearly colonizer-coded. Saying that people’s original form of magic was wild (and showing a picture with the same joyous, rowdy energy of an 18th or 19th -century Black or indigenous party), and that it was God’s will for them to be “civilized?” Sounds like that thing that powerful white people did where they went and murdered people and forced them into their twisted capitalist system. God, gold, and glory, is what they said, because history books just love to omit the gore.

Lilith is passing the abuse cycle along. 

You know, like a good little colonizer. God I fucking hate her. She’s a MILF, in the sense that she’s a Mother I’d Like to Fling off a cliff. 

Ah, enough screaming about how much I want to drown Lilith in a tub of Hooty’s mucus. Let’s go into why I want to do that, and how she took the evils of capitalism and just...adopted those.

So, Lilith is sick and twisted for what she did to her sister. But, uhh, that’s the point. You see, there are so many other people out there like Lilith who would do the exact same thing, if given the chance. These are the people who do mean things when the teacher isn’t looking, and then act nice and try to frame you. These are the people who will hate you if you’re better than them. These are people who would do anything to bring you down, if you dare outperform them.

It’s greed, my friends. The mental illness that capitalism blesses us all with.

Lilith herself said it: she dedicated her entire life to the Coven. What she wanted was to be the best. And she almost was...except for her own sister. Someone who lived with her, annoyed her at home, bested her at school. Someone she could never beat, no matter how hard she worked. And her sister was younger than her, too! How insulting was that? Lilith wanted to be the best, and someone in her exact situation did better than her.

Lilith was insecure. And it consumed her.

But why? Why does insecurity consume her? I mean, no one can be motivated by insecurity forever. Well, not unless someone conditions it into you.

The lovely thing about the capitalist system is the morals it teaches you. Things like: “You’re only useful if you’re the best.” “Being school smart makes you smart, while being social smart or sports smart or creative smart or fandom smart is worthless.” “Your worth can be quantified by numbers and is based off arbitrary measures like your income or your grades.” Things that can and will drive us crazy if we let ourselves believe them.

And it did drive Lilith crazy. She got so twisted by a society that said being good at magic is her only worth. Look, Lilith used to be good at things, probably. She was good at sports. At times, she slips up and does an okay job of being Eda’s sister. She has a powerful presence when she’s in a room. And she’s wicked good at manipulating people. 

But that didn’t matter. Lilith bought into the lies. She let herself believe that magical skill was the only way to measure her worth. And since she needed to be the best, she hurt Eda for it.

The beautiful thing is, Eda didn’t buy that. "It’s my power, kid. And before you showed up, I spent my whole life wasting it.” Is what Eda said, as she used up the last of her power, the last of her life, to save Luz. In her final moments, she proved that she’s not like them. She’s stronger than them.

None of this matters. Not magical prowess. Not the hierarchy. Not the promise of joining the Coven and having more power than anyone else.

The only thing that matters to Eda is her family. Her real family. Her Luz, King, and Hooty. And by extension, Willow, Gus, and Amity. Those are Eda’s real reason for fighting, for dying: to protect them. Look, there’s no way she would’ve come out of that fight alive. She has a family, and her love for them is stronger than greed or jealousy or capitalism. 

Lilith never understood that. She thought the water of the womb was thicker than the blood of the covenant. Or, that the water of the womb and the blood of the covenant are stronger than the bonds of found family. She thought it didn’t matter if Eda loved, her, only if the Emperor loved her. Fucking bitch.

And now, a little something to worry about, before we go. Amity Blight. The girl who wanted to join the Emperor’s Coven more than anything, who dedicated her whole life to doing well in school, to being the best, to being perfect.

And then she met Luz. She fell for Luz. Now she’s in a tricky place, where habit and conditioning want her to join the Emperor’s Coven, but her heart wants her to do the impossible and destroy capitalism.

She wasn’t in this episode. Funny that being injured and unable to work ended up saving her from watching her future mother-in-law die. So she bought some time.

But Luz’s true mom is dead. This is the second mom she has lost, and she’s only fourteen. As powerful as King and Hooty are, Luz needs Amity. Luz needs Amity to support her and help her get back her mom.

So Amity has to make a choice. Fear and insecurity, or love and a high chance of death? 

She’ll probably choose death. Because that’s the message that this family-friendly show is giving us kids. Fuck capitalism. All you need in life is to do what makes you happy and be with the ones you love.

[fermented-writers-block]

Lus and the Human Portal Clone Theory

Even before Keeping Up A-fear-ances aired, I have been working for almost a year now on running through all the possible various suspects with wonderful folks like @sepublic​ , @anistarrose​ , and @elementalist-kdj​ . Like the post title indicates, from sheer process of elimination, the only conclusion that made sense to me was a clone made of Luz by the portal door, and I’ve been working on refining and reworking said conclusion up to the version I will lay out here.

Now, as @safetayy​ , @theowlhouseheadcanons , and @50shades-of-blue have heard from me before, the portal I've long suspected was not made to go from the Demon Realm to the Human Realm, but rather to go from the Human Realm to the Demon Realm by humans, for humans. This is because it then could tie into the hypothetical existence of a Luz clone without having the issue of asking where Eda, Lilith, and King's clones are, as the clone in this case is the result of a function of the door to create a basic level duplicate of any human that passes through it rather than it happening for just anyone that passes through.

With this, it's because the suitcase form of the portal looks as thought it indicates it was used for temporary trips to the Demon Realm, much like how suitcases were used when railways and international boats made travel more accessible for the middle and lower classes. For example:

Going by the way the door “faces” and the way it swings open, the ergonomics of the portal makes it look an awful lot like a right handed out swing door, with the Human Realm on the “inside” and the Demon Realm on the “outside.” And the arrow in the diagram depicts the general direction of traffic that such right handed, out swing doors are typically design with in mind - ergo, showing what way the portal appears to facilitate travel in.

Now, before you ask, the reason why I think the portal could have been created in the human realm in the first place is that it might require an extra component/bit of help or two from the Owl Deity which I’ve discussed before in the past as hinted by these connected designs:

I’ll explore how I feel the revelation that such a twist about the portal’s origins could play into the themes and narrative of the show under the cut, but overall, I feel these are potential significant details to keep in mind for the rest of this arc of building a new door and handling the idea of Lus having initially been made as a temporary-duration clone, hence how "Luz" comes off so uncannily in the letters as she wasn't meant for long term impersonations.

That, and why I named this the Human Portal Clone theory, for those wondering about the name.

Alongside this, my thought has been that walking back through the portal to the Human Realm basically makes the portal send a recall signal to tell the clone to return to it, where the clone would be reabsorbed into the portal and its memories are given to the original. However, with Luz going back into the Demon Realm for a brief time in YBOS, I am of the mind that it doesn’t just make another clone, but rather that doing so merely made the door turn off the recall signal and allowed "Lus" to resume the impersonation.

And as for the clone itself and why they’re writing letters to Camila, well, imagine it from Lus' perspective. To her at the time of creation, the last thing she probably knew was that she had been chasing the cute little owl that took her Azura book into the woods, and right when the bus to Reality Check Camp was about to arrive.

Also, if you think about it, Lus being the work of someone we/don’t know yet raises way more plot threads/questions than answers compared to being the work of the portal, as outlined below:

TLDR at end of post for those wondering

Belos? How and why before YBOS where he actually started paying attention to Luz for the first time and actually got his hands on a portal? 

Eda? Why would she do all this and not tell Luz she can goof around without needing to worry about her mom or the camp/in time to fool the camp, especially when it took a good amount of time for Eda to even start feeling that close to Luz? 

Hooty got ruled out from the getgo since he can’t hold pencils, King just isn’t that subtle, and everyone else that Luz knows has the major issues of just straight up not knowing about the camp in the first place. Well, that and a lack of another known method of getting to the Human Realm in the first place.

The camp? Why would they worry about a missing camper whose disappearance is all HER fault and thus would more logically result in a call to her parent than some convoluted clone conspiracy? 

And finally, some currently completely unknown third party?

If we’re talking a Changeling, A) it’d be easy for Luz to dismiss them and B) that just makes all the ominous portrayal of Lus super straightforward instead of a subversion like is the show’s shtick.

If we’re talking dimensional counterparts, A) they have to REALLY have led a very similar life to Luz’s in order for there to be enough common ground for Luz to listen, and B) dimensional counterparts aren’t even a confirmed or likely thing that people cooked up from Episode 1 side characters influenced by Amity’s concept art.

And if we’re talking some complete surprise third party group or another, it doesn’t make sense to introduce a third party and their motives and plans to the show this late in when Belos is already taking up the bulk of it all.

Hell, if anything, the continued existence of the duplicate in of itself would indicate that the target of the conspiracy is none other than Camila Noceda than anything to do with Luz or Eda, especially with the complete lack of anyone taking advantage of Luz and or Eda. 

From the getgo, Witches Before Wizards already hard-baked into the show the idea that Luz is NOT inherently special or anything into the foundations of the show from the getgo - ergo, Camila likely just is an absolutely regular human being, someone who has no justification for such a convoluted conspiracy to surround them.

That said, I believe that the idea of the portal having originated from the Human Realm could potentially play into some interesting stories to be had with Camila and Lus here, especially as the conspiracy board shot from the promo was confirmed by Dana to apparently be from S2A, not from the episodes past Yesterday’s Lie:

After all, with Luz searching the library for a way home this coming episodes, perhaps she might figure out something the next couple of episodes that allows her texts to send through, which would logically lead to the above picture. That, and Camila and Lus being confused by and trying to figure out what’s going on there.

I mean, the cabin in the woods likely has a very close connection to the portal and it’s origins given how closely tied the two structures seem to be, and as far as we can tell, Luz never mentioned the cabin in her videos to Camila, but if Lus tries to retrace her steps, that would be a natural vector to lead Camila to the cabin and thus allow us a chance to actually investigate it.

That said, all following the trail would do is lead her and Lus to a dead end at the abandoned cabin, where they would have nothing else to do except discuss their complicated relationship concerning Luz and twiddle their thumbs while waiting for Luz to finish things on her end - which while something I think would be interesting to see, I just don’t see how much of a way to keep them in the greater picture of the show without some kind of project or activity that the two of them could work together on on screen. 

And that’s what leads me to a particular train of thought here, starting with the question of what if Luz FAILS to make a working portal over the course of S2A and such?

With the possible in-universe mystery over what the heck is going on with Lus, perhaps the cabin might hold some notes from the original last human owner - if not potentially the creator - of Eda’s portal as well as potentially some of the same materials and such from previous trips.

Cue CAMILA building a working portal, following in the footsteps of the original creator and such and thus finding a reason to stay on screen, all the while potentially demonstrating both why Belos wanted the portal instead of making his own, as well as diving into the Owl Deity’s connection with the original portal. Heck, maybe the Owl Deity is only accessible in the Human Realm and that plays a part in Belos wanting to get to the Human Realm, which would bring Camila directly into contact with the magic her daughter has been interacting with.

Also, just imagine the internal conflict going on here with Lus. After all, helping Camila build a portal to get the original Luz -and hoo boy would that be a tough thing to grapple with- would most definitely do that and make both Lus AND Camila question how much the latter likes Lus vs Luz.

Like, just imagine it. There would be major chances for Lus and Camila to discuss what would happen if and when they’re finished with the portal, and what will happen to Lus’ relationship with Camila if and when Luz gets back.

Does Camila really prefer her daughter to be all more “normal” like Lus, or does she prefer the old, “weird” daughter from before the summer with Luz?

Perhaps she might be able to figure out how to strike a nuanced balance between the two, and all on a metaphorical journey to truly build a better connection between her and her daughter(s?). 

TLDR: Or in short, I can’t help but feel it would be fitting to see Camila building a bridge WITH Lus TO Luz. 

Particularly, by being the one to craft an actual working portal in the Human Realm instead of Luz in the Demon Realm, showing a parent putting in an active effort to get down to their child’s level rather than waiting for said child to try to get up to their parent’s level even if they can’t or find it incredibly hard to do so.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

hi, I was wondering if you had any fic recs for dc? i dont mind what ship/character they might include so you can just go wild. also, I love your blog and writing!! thanks in advance if you answer this <3

oh but of course, babe! i’ve got so many fic recs dear lord. hopefully the ones on here will be ones that i haven’t already recced before. and also ahhhh thank you so so much!! 

a heart just cant contain all of this empty space by TheMermaidLord (if anyone knows their tumblr, please let me know!) ~27k. the young justice universe, except after season 1, the canon events of the batfamily get woven in. you get to see dick leaving robin, jason joining then dying, how tim first meets the team, how they react to learning jason’s alive again all through the eyes of the yj team (mainly artemis, wally, and dick, but there are others.) this fic is beautiful and heartbreaking and oh so satisfying.

Candle Light and Plastic Bats by @jackdaw-kraai 10k. you know all those hc and concept fics about the relationship batman has with the city of gotham? well this fic is an absolutely gorgeous homage to that. told from the pov of the people of lower gotham, it goes through their relationship with this demon that seemed to haunt their city, going from mistrust and fear to acceptance and kinship. just a really really beautiful fic. 

Detective Work by @bekkoni ~8k. i don’t actually ship superbat for a multitude of reasons, but this fic was so goddamn hilarious and cute that i can’t not love it. set in the jlu universe, wally discovers that superman and batman are acting a little ~odd.~ then he does a little more snooping and dear god the consequences are hilarious. featuring identity porn by the bucket-load. 

It’s Your Right to Hurt Me Baby (If You Wanted To) by @pluckyredhead  8k. granted, jayroy doesn’t make much sense outside of specific rhato runs, but inside those runs its an actually beautiful ship, and this fic is just one of many testaments to that. smut with feelings, and jason gets the love and affection he sorely needs. 

Little Talks by @theo-ography 26k. who here doesn’t love dumb boys in love finally talking about their feelings?? because i love it more than words, but this author somehow did the impossible and managed to put it in words. in this series, dick and wally have some important conversations, do some cuddling, and finally get together. gosh, i love birdflash so. fucking. much. 

The Maybe Man by @dustorange ~48k. this is me, screaming about dustorange’s works again because i am such a fangirl for her writing oh my god. after dick leaves bruce and while jason is robin, dick gets abducted and tortured by the court of owls, and then is sent to kill bruce. and bruce fights with every fiber of his being to get his son back. also, jason and bruce’s relationship is so good in this jesus christ. i love reading fics that show just how close jason and bruce were before jason was killed, and this fic had that and more. 

Those Who Wait by @last01standing 11k. in a reverse robins fic done beautifully well, this entire fic is written from jon’s pov, and explores damian and jon’s relationship over the years. (basically, jon just falling more and more hopelessly in love with damian.) also, everyone ships it because jon is basically all of the kids’ “uncle jon” and it’s hilarious and i love it. one of my favourite damijon fics, and the p i n i n g is just AHHHH.

un haeng il chi by @danishsweethearts 17k. i can’t actually put into words how much i love this fic, so everyone needs to just go and read it right now so you feel what i feel when finishing this fic. a cass centric fic, this piece of art has the literal best characterizations and metaphors for those characterizations i’ve ever read in my entire life. cass’ relationship with each member of the batfam is unique and beautiful and dear god i could reread this fic a thousand times over without ever getting tired of it. 

Watch This by snackbaskets (again, if anyone knows their tumblr, please let me know!) ~2k. this fic is just a oneshot of pure adorableness. the league meets little baby robin!dick for the first time. hal and barry are, at first, terrified for the kid’s life, and then terrified of the devious little mastermind in bright green hotpants. this is just humor and fluff and i love it. 

Yesterday’s Voices by @lemonadegarden 49k. oh god i cannot scream my love for this fic enough. bruce, in a time with most of the batfam (including up to steph, damian, cass), gets de-aged to a time where jason was robin and dick was barely speaking to him. and it’s absolutely heartbreaking, because the rest of the batfam get to see how open, kind, and less jaded bruce used to be. if you want a good cry but a happy ending, this fic is wonderful.

if it were deemed socially acceptable, i would build a shrine to all of these wonderful authors in the middle of the street, but unfortunately i have neither the time nor the resources to do that, so i guess screaming about how talented and brilliant they are will have to do instead. hope you enjoy reading these babe!

[futzingbarton]

if you're going to ghost someone that you've known for 14 years, try to be less of a coward and don't just softblock them. commit to the shit you're pulling. full block.

if you're going scorched earth on someone who loved you, do them the dignity of committing to the fucking bit.

[matt0044]

“Just read another book” is infantilizing as fuck.

I reeeeeeally wanted to stay out of this because lord knows there’s no way you can make this argument without somebody coming along as making you think that you’re a Rowling stan. Yes, I’m absolutely liking the boot of the TERF queen. Long may she suck.

See. Here’s the thing. This whole thing isn’t just about any other series by any other author.

This is Harry Potter.

This is one of the biggest book series that has endured from the late nineties to the 2010s. A series that’d been in pop culture for well over two decades. Without it, others like Percy Jackson among other YA fantasy would’ve been dead in the water. Say what you will about how much the writing has held up but it clearly has done something phenomenal to not just fade away.

For those many who would take a stand against Rowling... there are plenty among them that cannot let go of Harry Potter. Fact is that Potter Heads have been clowning on her since she became tweeting “fun facts” like how Wizards poop or werewolves being a metaphor for AIDS. Respect for her has often been at an all time low. It’s only now that it’s become serious business.

Now don’t you dare try to twist my words. I get it. Dealing with real life transphobia should take precedence over escapist fantasy full stop. However, this is something too many have grown up with be it as a casual fan or full on fanatic. Book to movie adaptations have raged on for years, fans have helped codify many tropes in fan and official fiction, there was a friggin’ theme park.

We still have many debates over Snape’s true nature. I remember there being a book about it WAY before Social Media streamlined that process. Yes, really.

So... I cannot get behind the “Just read another book” sentiment pushed onto Potter Heads. NEWS FLASH, ASSHOLES: many have actually read other books. Harry Potter even got kids to find fun in reading in fact. However, no two stories are alike even when they’re similar in premise.

Yes, The Owl House is hella good... but it’s not Harry Potter. Hexside is only a drop in the bucket when it comes to the overall plot. It’s about Luz learning magic, how to get home and so much more. It’s about as Harry Potter as its then imitators were.

Little Witch Academia is damn fine and deserves a sequel already, TRIGGER! However, it’s not the same kind of “normal kid learns magic at magic school” type of story by a long shot. There’s tone, sense of humor and so much more that set it apart from others.

It’s like when your pet passes on and your parents promise to get another one. Yeah, it might help but it won’t be that pet you started out with. It won’t be the same one you shared memories with.

A stretch of a metaphor, sure. However, expecting fans to turn on a series they have invested time and passion into... isn’t very realistic. Some might come about to it. Others will still feel that pull, that spark, that magic.

Some can rant and rave about these “diet transphobes” but it’s not like they signed up for this... war. They wanted to indulge in an obsession that brought them joy, not.... this.

None of this is excusing the likes of Rowling making life hard for many innocent people. However, expecting Harry Potter to erode away like a victim of Thanos is a pipe dream at best.

[davidmann95]

New Superman show! Thoughts?

Anonymous said: Thoughts on the new Superman animated series?

cheerfullynihilistic said: Thoughts on the new HBO Max DC animated shows?

Anonymous said: A NEW SUPERMAN CARTOON!!!!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!! Also another Batman cartoon. That looks cool too

jcogginsa said: NEW SUPERMAN CARTOON!

Anonymous said: So what do you want from the new animated show? It seems to be about a “Year 2” Superman which suits me perfectly, I just want fun adventures with the trio. We’ve still got S&L and the animated movies for a more “mature” take on Superman if this is too childish.

deathchrist2000 said: So they’re making a new Superman cartoon about him falling for Lois. Thoughts?

As it happens I had to wake up much earlier than usual today, so I saw the Batman announcement pretty much as soon as it happened. I had the car ride to the comic book store to think about it, mulled over the notion that while I like Batman too much to be resentful about this it was of course notable that there was no accompanying Superman announcement, leading me to conclude that hey, they should make a Superman cartoon too, a blistering spark of unprecedented inspiration to be sure. Then since I was early I checked my phone while waiting for the store to open, and I believe I audibly yelped.

In the order they were announced: psyched for Caped Crusader! I guess this is what the ‘BTAS is coming back!’ rumors a few months ago were about, and if this basically is “BTAS but serialized, getting to go heavier, and with modern production values”, I’m more than onboard with these names attached. Assuming Abrams’ role is mostly ceremonial, and hoping since he wasn’t in the original Hollywood Reporter headline with the other two Timm’s is mostly aesthetic (the degree to which his input beyond that could be a good thing depends on how much his uncomfortable horniness can be reigned in. Not even saying anything less than exceedingly horny, just don’t have Bruce and Barbara hook up again), this looks to be mainly Reeves’ baby which really shows how far WB is investing in him as the shepherd of their biggest IP. Must be a dream gig for him, getting to do his versions of the big hyper-modern unique reinvention and the classic iconic take at the same time: between that, Timm getting to go in the darker direction he always wanted, and Abrams getting to put his name on a thing everybody already likes again the way we know that guy loves, everybody’s getting what they want with this one. I can’t imagine this not turning out well.

Additionally, controversial take: despite the Timm design hoping this isn’t another Conroy return, we all love him but he’s phoned it in for a bit now and this should scream new as much as possible.

So first off: love that title. What a joyful, clever, lovely spin on an old standard.

Second: love this setup, aesthetic, and apparent tone! Instantly love this Clark and especially this Lois and their dynamic from the one image alone, I’m not familiar with Jake Wyatt’s work but taking a quick glance I’m very glad to see he’s part of this, and getting folks from the Voltron and She-Ra reboots sends a clear message as if the art wasn’t enough of what kind of thing this is going to try to be. Which is pretty much a perfect tack for a modern Superman cartoon: tell the 20-somethings who watched Adventure Time and Steven Universe and the like “hey, this is like those, but focused on your new age group”, and the kids watching Infinity Train and Owl House “hey this is like those but Superman”. If nothing else doing a show rooted around superheroism as a metaphor for the 20s experience rather than being a teenager is a relatively unique tack (as far as mass-media goes PS4 Spider-Man is the only other one that leaps out at me), and anchoring it and the adventures around the slice-of-life escapades and growth of Lois, Clark, and Jimmy as a trio of friends ala Morrison’s Action rather than the traditional duo with a sidekick is inspired. Gut instinct, but I have a feeling this is gonna be a revelatory Lois interpretation in particular. And if All-Star was Jack Quaid’s reading for inspiration as Clark, well, that’s sure not a bad sign either.

(The above’s from reddit, I guess some concept art from early enough that the title wasn’t finalized; the person who leaked this said the girl on the right is a member of the Newsboy Legion, now the Newskid Legion.)

(Also glad to see he's in his real clothes but if he's starting the show figuring the identity out, and there's some Morrison influence, they could do worse than to have him start in the t-shirt and jeans.)

20 years since the last proper Superman on TV, and now we’re getting two shows at once! One of them Superman for KIDS, if you can imagine such a thing. Between My Adventures With Superman as an early days, poppy all-ages series, Superman & Lois as a drama acting as the de facto sequel to pretty much every prior mass-media Superman take, and the upcoming movie apparently being a fairly standalone prestige reinvention, it really feels like all the bases are being covered. Hot damn, he’s well and truly back. Worth the inevitable agonizing hellpit discourse surrounding the franchise now that it’ll be a young adult animated series open to that scale of criticism, and as noted in my Twitter mentions, while not lining up in the strictest chronological sense, in terms of paving the way for this Superman in the collective cultural headspace McKenna Jean Harris probably deserves some royalties, or at least to get to work on the show.

Anonymous said: DC giveth and DC taketh away. We get a new Superman cartoon!... and an Injustice movie. Oh well it was inevitable right? Disappointed they’re doing Injustice before Kingdom Come though, and the petty side of me hopes we get a Metal adaption with the evil Batmen down the road.

Anonymous said: Injustice is finally getting adapted. That sucks but it looks like they’re adapting the first game’s story?

lol, two out of three ain’t bad

Really don’t care, this whipped up some Twitter mentions but basically no one especially gives a shit about these DTV joints at this point anyway (even if Man of Tomorrow turned out really solid) and the contrast today is a particularly humiliating one. So sure, do this too while you’re at it, a friend noted their new burgeoning shared universe sets it up to adapt the original ‘good Earth V evil Earth’ plot pretty well but it hardly matters.

[cotccotc]

🎧   heartbeats per minute ┆ scb

genre/s: producer!changbin x gn reader, angst, exes au

wc: 1.1k

warning/s: mentions of drug addiction (not within the context of the plot, but in a metaphor)

a/n: written for @districtninewriters​ writers’ room prompt !! the prompt this week was headphones so for some reason my mind said Producer!Changbin Angst :D kdsj enjoy !!!

headphones.

a beat-up pair of black leather headphones, worn from continual use. audio-technica. changbin hated them, but he refused to purchase a new pair. they were sentimental to him. special.

just like you.

when he moved in, he assembled his makeshift studio in the corner of your shared bedroom. it was a petite setup, equipped only with the essentials. a small desk he’d found at a garage sale, a twin set of speakers placed on either corner, an off-brand computer monitor connected to a macintosh harddrive, and a piano keyboard with eight drum pads. each pad had a sticker on it. he always used the same pads for certain sounds, and he kept track of each of them with a sticker so he wouldn’t forget. he never has. but they’re there just in case. he’d use the top left pad for hi-hats, the middle two for toms, the top right for snares, the bottom left for cymbals, the one beside it for sub basses, and the other two for miscellaneous sounds. you never had a clue as to what any of it meant. he’d tried to explain it to you a few times. but each time he did, you got distracted by the manner with which he spoke. he was always so passionate. he was one of those types of geeks who could go on about something for hours with the partial intention to teach, but sidetracked by the additive thrill of describing his passion. he knew you didn’t care about the technical things. he knew that all you cared about was him. he never did thank you for letting him talk too much.

figures.

he hated those headphones. the way they’d weathered on the outsides; the wire he’d have to snake around the desk in order to reach his speakers. it always seemed to be about an inch too short. it was all so unnerving for him. and yet, he wouldn’t budge. they simply worked too perfectly. you’d even offered to buy him a new, identical pair for your one year anniversary. but he insisted on keeping them. you understood why. but if something is broken, you always thought, why keep it? why let the sorry things get more cracked and torn when you could always get a new one? he believed that good headphones were hard to come by. he’d had a few other pairs in his life, but none of them seemed to work as well as these. hell, he even produced his first mixtape with them.

there was a song about you on there. he never told you. but you knew.

another key component of his studio setup was his microphone. he loved that thing. bought it off of a friend for half of its original cost. he always joked about how he’d “conned” the guy. but you just thought it was a friendly gesture. just like all the little things you’d do for him that went seemingly unnoticed. like when you cleared the dust off the tops of his speakers. sometimes, you left post-it notes on his desk after slipping out of bed to leave for work. he was always so tired. regardless of their physical condition and emotional implication, you owed it to those headphones for allowing you to get a good night’s sleep despite his owl-like rest schedule. “i’m proud of you,” the notes would often say. or “love you,” maybe. sometimes it was just a few hearts. and when you’d come home, they’d be gone. sometimes, so would he. you figured he simply read them, chuckled, and used them to write down spur-of-the-moment lyrics before crumpling them up and throwing them in the trash can he stored below his desk.

he collected them. every last one. but you never knew that.

other times, he’d be working when you came home. usually, that was a good thing. but not when he was having writer’s block. you could always tell. he’d be quieter at first… more somber. he wouldn’t turn around when you kissed him on the cheek, explaining the day you’d had and changing out of your work clothes. maybe he’d provide some commentary. it was unlikely, though. eventually, you’d become so fed up that you’d exit the room, slamming the door shut. and every single time, you cursed yourself for having such a small apartment. if only it was bigger, you thought, we could get along. it was a comforting ideology for a while. a placeholder for a much bigger, much more conclusive way of thinking. that would come later. too late, you realize now. whenever you finally decided on what to get delivered for dinner, he’d be grumpy. less quiet, more passive aggressive. from the other end of your small kitchen table, he’d scarf down his meal - chinese food, a burger and fries, microwavable ramen, what have you - with an occasional “could you pass the sauce” or “napkin?” and trudge back into the bedroom.

a few times, you’d wait until you knew he was situated before you sneakily turned the doorknob, peering in to watch him work. he couldn’t hear you. another subtle virtue of the headphones. every so often, he would groan to himself out of dissatisfaction. you hated seeing him like this. it’s as if the longer he stayed locked up in that room, the more suffocating it became on his creative spirit. and yet, if he ever felt your presence or had even an inkling of suspicion that he was being watched, he’d turn around, rip off the device, and accuse you of being nosy. 

you sold him the headphones. it was your first day working at the tech store downtown, as well as your first time meeting changbin. he was charming. sarcastic, almost. much less sullen and apathetic than he was when he left you. now, all you can do is stare at the set as it sits in its original packaging, collecting dust upon the bedside table. he left them here. neatly placed back in their original packaging. yours to keep. how generous of him.

it’s been a month. he’s got a new pair now. undoubtedly so. how else could he survive from day to day without a constant auditory stimulant pulsing through him? it’s as if he was a drug addict. you always came second to sonic substance. but you bet he’s got a new dealer now. you often wonder where he might’ve purchased them or what brand they might be. maybe the cashier who sold them to him was nice. or, better yet, maybe they were ugly.

you love these headphones. no matter how worn they’ve become. you understand them, and they understand you.

tattered, expendable, alone.

tags: @stayndays, @hanniiesuckle17, @leggomylino, @freckledberries, @pixielix, @kisskissbanggang, @mr-jisung-main, @childofthecosmos, @changnuggie, @kpopscape, @skzwriternet, @hyunsins, @sleepylixie, @sunshine-skz, @vera-liscious, @moonlit-lixie, @thatrandomoneinthecorner​ ( join my tag list !! )

©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[carrekiblue]

@skylarclarke​

link to playlist

1. The Nights AVICII  2. Secrets ONE REPUBLIC  3. When Can I See You Again? OWL CITY  4. This Is the End RELIENT K  5. Already Gone KELLY CLARKSON  6. The Memory MAYDAY PARADE  7. Change My Mind ONE DIRECTION  8. Lover TAYLOR SWIFT  9. The Foundations of Decay MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE  10. Alone Together FALL OUT BOY  11. Midnight City M83  12. Hey Brother AVICII  13. The Good Side TROYE SIVAN  14. Two Birds REGINA SPEKTOR  15. Dream On AEROSMITH

[more in-depth ramblings under the cut]

1. THE NIGHTS- AVICII This is a song that when I put it on, it reminded me of Sky in mostly a metaphorical way.  His parents died before he could remember them, and so his dad wouldn’t have told him this literally, but I feel maybe the symbol of him has been telling Sky, ‘carpe diem.’

“He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind So live a life you will remember" [….] "When thunderclouds start pouring down Light a fire they can't put out Carve your name into those shining stars" He said, "Go venture far beyond the shores Don't forsake this life of yours I'll guide you home no matter where you are””

2. SECRETS- ONE REPUBLIC Disclaimer: this song is not on here because of Sky telling other people’s secrets.  When I listened to this song, it reminded me of Goodbye (and the threads after such as the one where they meet again, and the one after Fallout), it reminded me of The Emergency, and it reminded me of Nachos Pizza.  Sky had something that he couldn’t get out for years, and now he seems to be at a place where he’s ready to share how he feels with his family.  With Ali, he had his past to hide because he thought Ali was human, but the moment he saw that that was not the case, he was ready to clear the air immediately.

So tell me what you want to hear Something that will light those ears I'm sick of all the insincere So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

[3-8 Are a bit of my ode to Sky and Ali]

3. WHEN CAN I SEE YOU AGAIN?- OWL CITY This reminds me of when Sky and Ali met, and they were flirting with each other in class, and they were talking over coffee.

Switch on the sky and the stars glow for you Go see the world 'cause it's all so brand new Don't close your eyes 'cause your future's ready to shine It's just a matter of time, before we learn how to fly Welcome to the rhythm of the night There's something in the air you can't deny It's been fun but now I've got to go Life is way too short to take it slow But before I go and hit the road I gotta know, 'til then, When can we do this again? When can I see you again? I gotta know, when can I see you again?

4. THIS IS THE END- RELIENT K And as quick as it came, Sky had to leave.

I can't keep a straight face and say this is not the end Not if you want it it's upon us and I wanna say it's sinking in This may sound crazy but I want to come back home That's it I said it now I'm sailing off to Neverland and then Japan You're not the first thing in my life I've loved and lost Yeah, I've thought worse things that I might be less inclined to merely just shrug off I took the fire escape and made it out alive Yeah, I still burn from time to time but I've a healing hand against my side

5. ALREADY GONE- KELLY CLARKSON This is about their breakup.  Yeah so pretty much the whole song highlighted, but especially these parts:

Remember all the things we wanted Now all our memories, they're haunted We were always meant to say goodbye Even with our fists held high It never would have worked out right, yeah We were never meant for do or die

Looking at you makes it harder But I know that you'll find another That doesn't always make you wanna cry Started with a perfect kiss Then we could feel the poison set in Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

6. THE MEMORY- MAYDAY PARADE Post-breakup.  Again, could highlight the whole song, but

She is everywhere I go Everyone I see Winter's gone and I still can't sleep Summer's on the way At least that's what they say But these clouds won't leave

7. CHANGE MY MIND- ONE DIRECTION This reminds me of the thread after Fallout, when Sky and Ali are finally getting the chance to talk it out.

The end of the night We should say goodbye But we carry on While everyone's gone Never felt like this before Are we friends or are we more As I'm walking towards the door I'm not sure But baby if you say you want me to stay I'll change my mind

8. LOVER- TAYLOR SWIFT I know it’s already on the Taylor Swift Sky and Ali playlist--but I put it on here as a good marker for where they are now.  They’re slow-dancing at the wedding reception Ryder plans for them, life is good.

Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever? And ah, take me out, and take me home You're my, my, my, my Lover

9. THE FOUNDATIONS OF DECAY- MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE Well, this one’s self-explanatory.  Finding a song from MCR was sort of difficult because Sky himself is not so…I don’t know, mean?  But literally every time I hear this song even out of RP context I think about Sky and the discord thread where he constructed a plan to go to two MCR concerts.  

10. ALONE TOGETHER- FALL OUT BOY This song was both a choice to add more of his actual music taste to the playlist, and these lyrics sticking out to me:

I don't know where you're going, But do you got room for one more troubled soul I don't know where I'm going, But I don't think I'm coming home

11. MIDNIGHT CITY- M83 This one-considering there aren’t a lot of lyrics to this song-it’s pretty much for the vibes.  When I hear this song under the lens of Sky, I’m picturing him in an overarching--leave his homeworld behind to seek out new adventures and make the most of his time.

Waiting for a word Looking at the milky skyline The city is my church It wraps me in its blinding twilight

[12-14 are an ode to the relationship between Sky and the twins]

12. HEY BROTHER- AVICII I didn’t really plan for two Avicii songs on this playlist but here we are.  

Hey brother Do you still believe in one another? Hey sister Do you still believe in love? I wonder Oh, if the sky comes falling down For you There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do

13. THE GOOD SIDE- TROYE SIVAN

I got the good side of life Traveled the universe twice So many thoughts I wanted to share But I didn't call because it wouldn't be fair

14. TWO BIRDS- REGINA SPEKTOR I imagine Sky is the first bird, and the twins are the second.

Two birds on a wire One tries to fly away And the other watches him close from that wire He says he wants to as well But he is a liar

15. DREAM ON- AEROSMITH Bringing home earlier sentiments, that Skylar is a live in the here and now, because you don’t know when things will change.

Oh, sing with me, sing for the year Sing for the laughter, and sing for the tear Sing it with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

[hello-everyfandom]

“I’m sorry I’m not what you signed up for.”

Warnings: N/A I believe

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader

Words: 1.7k

Summary: Draco Malfoy’s constant disappearing leaves a strain on your relationship.

Prompt: Requested

23 “I want you to list every lie you ever told me. Then I’ll forgive you.” 

24 “I don’t hate you. I hate that after all of this, you’re still trying to lie to me” 

26 “I’m sorry I’m not what you signed up for.”

(Wow, this one was a long one. Poor Draco, he just wants somebody to love. Please leave some requests! Likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated!)

The Slytherin common room, to most, was home. Though it was dark, with green lights illuminating off the cold stone walls, the fireplace glistening and crackled. And while most students feared to be in the dungeons with the Black Lake pushing against the emerald windows, you found it fascinating. The common room was indeed cozy for you. The couches were plush and velvet and the chandelier’s held candles that were dimly lit. In most instances, you’d be curled up with a book or chatting to your friends or even cuddling close with your boyfriend, however tonight you found yourself alone. It was late. Most of the students, even the students who heavily studied and would rather die than fail a quiz or essay, had gone to sleep. Truthfully, you yourself were exhausted after having a test in Potions and an essay in Herbology, not to mention your extra apparition classes which seemed to suck all the energy out of your body. And yet, you sat there alone. The common room had gone slightly cold and a chill brushed against your arms. You were waiting for Draco. Ever since your sixth year had started, your boyfriend had become increasingly more distant. You noticed his lack of appetite and his noticeable eye bags that dragged on his face. You first thought his personality shift was due to stressors like school or upcoming OWLs however you dismissed that idea. Draco was always keeping up with his studies. 

Is it me? you would ask yourself every day to yourself, watching your boyfriend’s eye glaze, and his lips drop into a frown. It was only until Draco began to forget dates and spending time together that you felt a lump in your throat. He seemed to always be disappearing into thin air, his absence was undeniable and earth-shaking. Sometimes, when he was with you, he wouldn’t even look at you. Instead, he’d merely squeeze your hand weakly with his. 

Is he cheating on me? you dreaded the idea of his lips touching someone else’s or his hands wandering over someone’s body who wasn’t you. So you waited. Your eyes began to droop until you heard the creak of the common room door and the sound of someone descending the stairs. You stood and dusted yourself off, holding your hands in front of you nervously.

“Draco,” you called. His blonde hair emerging from the shadows. Your boyfriend, face heavy with exhaustion, stared doe-eyed at you. 

“Y/N,” he began cautiously, looking around the common room, “what are you doing awake? It’s late.”

You cleared your throat. You were never one for confrontation but Draco’s disappearance was beginning to drive you mad, “I could ask you the same thing.”

Draco walked forwards, scanning your face. “I was doing work in the library.”

Lie. 

“The library has been closed for hours.” 

“Madam Pince allowed me to stay to finish my essay.”

Another lie.

“Where is your schoolwork then?” Draco seemed to be at loss for words and struggled to come up with an excuse. He shifted and began to lightly sweat as he looked around the common room. He couldn’t tell you what he was doing. Draco couldn’t put you in that type of danger, he could’ve put your life in danger. He was lying to you, and it was killing him so he just stared at the floor while you processed his lies. “Draco?”

He didn’t look up, “Yes?”

“Do you want to break up?” you asked, it hurt to even ask but it needed to be said. You couldn’t go on in this relationship feeling so abandoned and alone. 

His head shot up, “What? Of course not,” he said almost annoyed, “I’m just bloody exhausted. Can we just go to bed? I don’t want to have this discussion. Come to my dorm, you can borrow one of my shirts.” 

You shook your head, fighting back tears, “I can’t do that.”

“What?”

“I said, I can’t do that, Draco,” you repeated softly.

“And why the bloody hell not?” 

“Because,” you exhaled, “I think you don’t love me anymore.” 

Draco froze. Why couldn’t he think of anything to say? Why can’t he just explain what was happening, how scared he was? How terrified he was for you? Why couldn’t he move and swiftly kiss you like you deserved to be kissed? What was he doing to himself? He was destroying every piece of good in him and you were the last thing to go. He needed you. He needed you. “I do love you.” he managed to finally say. 

You shifted on one foot to the other, hugging your self, “Are you cheating on me, Draco?”

“What? N-no!” he stuttered out.

“Then where do you keep disappearing off to?” you questioned.

“I-I... I can’t tell you,” he said guiltily.

“If you’re cheating on me if it’s someone else, please Draco. Please just tell me. I can’t take this anymore.”

“Y/N-” he began,

“No, please Draco. Tell me. Tell me what’s going on. I feel as if you’re torturing me.” Torture? He felt physically ill when you said that, he wanted to vomit up the contents of his stomach and felt the taste of bile in his throat.

“I can’t do that,” Draco said.

“Yes, you can. I deserve that. Draco,” you sniffled, “we’ve loved each other for years, been friends for longer. We know each other, but you’re distant. It’s almost as if you’ve left and your body is just this-this corpse that walks around and sounds like you. You’re not you anymore and- and I just need to know what’s going on before I tear out my hair and go mental. So if it’s someone else, if you are in love with someone else or just not in love with me then you need to tell me.”

“I’m not in love with anyone else, for fucks sake!” Draco yelled, he hated hearing those words come out of your mouth. He hated the person he had become. Draco loosened his tie and slid his fingers through his hair, distress in his eyes.

“Then where the hell have you been this entire year? Where have you been sneaking off to if not to go shag some other poor girl,” you asked both dejectedly and annoyed. Draco had never seen you in such a state, you were almost desperate.

“I haven’t been anywhere.”

“Is that so? You told me you loved me last year and now you’ve gone and vanished every second you see me. Do you know how many dates you’ve ditched me on? Or were the times you were so distracted that you didn’t even notice me right next to you? What happened to us, Draco? We used to be so in love and so...” 

“I’m sorry I’m not what you signed up for,” he said, clearly vexed, “but I do have a life outside my girlfriend.” 

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Don’t push me away, you coward!” your voice quivered as you yelled, tears slipped down your face as you wiped them angrily. Draco softened at the sight of your tears. He wanted to wipe them away and bury you in blankets and kiss your sweet nose, but he couldn’t.

“Y/N,” he reached forward to hold you, but you flinched away.

“No, Draco. No more. Tell me what’s going on.” your voice became extremely distressed, you could feel the metaphorical string between you and the love of your life slowly begin to snap. 

“Nothing!” 

“Then where are you always sneaking too? Why won’t you ever look at me? Why won’t you just tell me what’s going on? Why can’t you have a conversation without me without bloody staring off or lying your fucking ass off? Can you at least admit to me that you were lying to me? At least give me that,” Draco watched in anguish as you began to beg.

“I-” Draco ran his fingers through his hair again, “Yes. Okay? I was lying to you.”

You felt your body go slightly limp, not fully expecting him to admit that “then I want to break up.” you whispered. 

“No.” he shook his head, “no you don’t.”

“Yes, Draco. We. We need to break up.”

“No, we don’t.”

“Draco. Look at us! We’re a mess, we don’t even look at each other anymore like we used to, you don’t look at me anymore. And... I think we should break up.” trailing off, the man in front of you began to unravel. He gripped your arm in one hand and cupped your face gently with the other.

“No, baby. Please. I. Please, I’ll be better. We can spend more time together, and go on dates and-”

“Draco,” you begged.

“Please. forgive me. You’re my life, I’m helplessly in love with you, but I can’t tell you... Please. Please, don’t leave.”

“I want you to list every lie you ever told me. Then I’ll forgive you.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Then we can’t be together, Draco. I’m sorry.”

Draco let out a shuttered cry, something that shattered your heart and made your eyes blurry with salty tears. He clenched his jaw and forced you to look him in the eyes. His grey eyes flickered, a wretched feeling in his throat. He couldn’t lose you, but he’d do anything to keep you safe. The silent moment between you two was intimate as he held your cheek. Neither of you wanted to let go, haunted thinking about being without each other. Draco leaned in, closing his eyes to kiss you one final time. He wished to feel his lover’s lips before submitting into his doom, his future that his parents have planned for him. But you pulled away.

“Draco,” you said softly, heart broken beyond belief.

“Please, don’t hate me,” he whispered back against your lips. You blinked tears away and turned to leave a lasting, loving kiss on his hollow cheek.

“I don’t hate you. I hate that after all of this, you’re still trying to lie to me.”

And there stood Draco Malfoy, watching his soulmate slip from his fingers, unable to do anything about it. 

[ghaameer-the-literary-vitamins]

Book Review: Translations of Death and Dream in Ghazals of Safeer Siddiqui

By Wasim Ahmad Alimi

Khokhli Awaz de jati ha ab dastak Mujhe

Kha Gayi Yun Dheere Dheere Zeest Ki Deemak Mujhe

(The life, like a kind of canker has slowly eroded me in such a way that, even a meaningless call surprisingly knocks me.)

Young, energetic, enthusiastic, and emerging Safeer Siddiqui is a poet of death and dream.  A student of just M.A. Urdu in Jamia Millia Islamia has gained so much mastery and maturity in poetry that his seniors like me think that Safeer is a time traveler who is travelling in past. The elements of death and metaphors of dreams are looming large in his ghazals that have been recently printed as ‘Khawabon ke Marsiye’ [Elegies of Dreams]. This anthology of 72 ghazals beautifies emotions of self-killing in an artistic way that some of his fellow poets has started to call him ‘the ambassador of death’. Interestingly his name, ‘Safeer” also means ‘the ambassador’.

Before we examine his nihilistic and poetic approach, let’s have a look at the significance of solitude, grief, darkness, dreams, and despair in already written literature of the world.

It is as clear as the sunshine that we will die any day. None can deny the fact that our timespan on this planet is not deathless. Then the question arises here, how we deal with the knowledge that we will die. American cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker in his book ‘The Denial of Death’ (1974) discusses this theory in detail. He says that we do not try to recognize our death because this is a terrible thought to live with, we cannot enjoy the life with this thought, hence we do not take it seriously. The book won the Pulitzer Prize of the year 1974. Author, Ernest Becker says in his book:

“It is fateful and ironic how the lie we need in order to live dooms us to a life that is never really ours.” [Becker, 1973: 56].

In the light of above-mentioned theories, this couplet of Safeer Siddiqui gets complete meaningfulness:

Marte Rahte Hein Har Ek Pal Ki Na Mar Jaein Kahin,

Jeene Walon Ka Ajab Ishq Hai Mar Jane Se

(We die every now and then with the fear of death, living people have a wonderful affair with mortality.)

This is exactly what our terrible death demands from us. Death is not a final episode, its indeed a continuous process that develops throughout the life. The legendry Iranian Fictionist and the founder of modern Iranian Short Stories, Sadeq Hedayat explains the same in his world-renowned novel, The Blind Owl:

“Many people start dying just from the age of twenty.”

“My one fear is that tomorrow I may die without having come to know myself.”

“If there was no death, everyone would wish for it.”

These three different excerpts from Sadeq Hedayat’s novel, validate Safeer’s affair with the elements of mortality when he says the followings:

Maut Ki Dhun Pe Tharaktey Hein Haqiqat Ke Qadam

Zindagi Jeetey Hein Bas Khawab Dikhaye Huwe Log

(The life dances with the rhythm of death, alive are only those living in dream.)

Khokhli Awaz de jati ha ab dastak Mujhe

Kha Gayi Yun Dheere Dheere Zeest Ki Deemak Mujhe

(The life, like a kind of canker has slowly eroded me in such a way that, even a meaningless call surprisingly knocks me.)

Ek Zara Dam Leney Ki Qeemat mein Jaan Deni Padi

Zindagi Ka Tajruba Mera Bada Mehanga Pada

(Had to taste the death just for the sake of ordinary life, the business of living costed a lot to me.)

Look at the components of thought process that Safeer has taken into account in order to create his base of Ghazals. Dancing with the rhythm of death, living in dream, slowly eroded life, getting surprised by meaningless calls, lightness of life and tasting the elixir of death for the sake of low-priced life. Perhaps this maturity of Safeer Sddiqui in an immature literary career has stirred up a great fiction writer, critic, poet, translator, educator, professor, and orator of our time like Khalid Jawed to write 11-page appreciation for this anthology of Safeer Siddiqui. Professor Khalid Jawed pens in his foreword:

“This is to be noted that death or dream or suicide does not come in Safeer’s ghazals in a romanticized form, they come very straightforward just like a fine aspect of standard existence, this is not like scolding restfulness nor the despair or helplessness, this is the insanity that according to Pascal, has been written only in the fate of artists, poets and writers.”

But beautifying death and dream is no new in long and rich tradition of Urdu poetry. The theme has a well-connected chain from Mir, Ghalib to Fani Badayuni, Nasir Kazmi and of course Jaun Elia. All of them have already described death and dream in their own way of creative art. Mir Taqi Mir says:

Ibteda Hi Men Mar Gaye Sab Yaar

Ishq Ki Kon Inteha Laaya

(Every lover died just in the beginning; none reached the climax.)

Ghalib outlines the lifelong process of death in his own style:

thā zindagī meñ marg kā khaTkā lagā huā

uḌne se pesh-tar bhī mirā rañg zard thā

(Entire life was disturbed by fear of death, even before flying my color was cadaverous.)

The Urdu poet ofisolated perspective and most celebrated Shayer of late 20th century, Jaun Elia marks out the fear of death in such a simple way that it also can be the best example of ‘multum in parvo’ (a great deal in a small space) which is the first and foremost saliant feature of Urdu Ghazal:

kitnī dilkash ho tum kitnā dil-jū huuñ maiñ

kyā sitam hai ki ham log mar jāeñge

(How pretty you are! How joyful am I! irony is that we shall die.)

Then what is the relevance of Safeer Siddiqui’s poetry creation? The answer lies within the question itself. His art is taking forward the unique tradition of Urdu Ghazal. After going through the couplets of Mir, Ghalib and Jaun Elia, read this couplet by Safeer, you will find him a true successor of his forerunners:

Dhali Jo Shaam to Sab Apne Apne Ghar ko Chale

So Hum Bhi Maut Ka Darwaza Khat-Khatane Lage

(As evening falls, everybody returns back to home, what do I do, so I started ringing the doorbell of death.)

Note: All poetic and other translations in this review are done by reviewer himself.

The Reviewer, Wasim Ahmad Alimi is a translator and a Junior Research Fellow (JRF) at Jamia Millia Islamia New Delhi.

About the Book

Book Name:   Khawabon Ke Marsiye (poetry collection)

Author:          Safeer Siddiqui

Pages:             126

Published by:            Creative Star Publications

Price:              160 Check out the book on Amazon:       http://surl.li/bqpip