#outside of the shit show that is ezra miller

[lyriumsings]

there are no words for how hard i hope the flash tanks i hope it tanks harder than shazam 2 i hope it makes morbius look like a blockbuster

[the1entirecircus]

Reasons for why I dislike the Flash (2014-2023)

Alright, so this is going to be very similar to a previous post I made about The Dark Knight Trilogy. I'm going to rant about this topic in several sections in a non-organized way because this is my blog and I get to choose what I'm dislike. Also, please don't hate me for any of what I'm about to say. I have a right to my opinion and if you actually like the Flash tv show, good for you! I just don't like it. I used to, but then I read Joshua Williamson's Flash run and I realized Grant Gustin's Barry is nothing like how he's supposed to be.

Also, I will referencing seasons 1-6 as I have not watched seasons 7-9 mostly because I couldn't care less about them at that point and the show wasn't how it used to be.

Enjoy my whining!

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The Problem with Grant's Barry Allen

There have been 3 live action Barry Allens. The first being John Wesley Shipp, the second being Grant Gustin, and the third being the infamous Ezra Miller. Surprisingly, I consider Ezra being the second best at playing Barry Allen. At least in their Flash movie, their appearances in both Justice Leagues are basically Barry's awkwardness multiplied by Wally West's everything. Oh, Flash Fact: whenever Barry gets an adaptation outside of his main comic run, he has most if not all of Wally West's personality. But Grant? Grant has some things in common with Comic Barry and Comic Wally in terms of personality, but other than that, he's just a crummy Spider-Man with a team shouting in his ears.

Barry is meant to be the independent police scientist who seems like a boring nerd at first until he changes into the Flash, the light-hearted hero who is clever enough to not just use his super speed for more than running. Grant's Barry Allen isn't independent, he relies on the help of others to think of creative ways to use his speed. Comic Barry built the cosmic treadmill along with other gadgetry, TV Barry does some of the work but team flash builds most of the devices Barry uses. Its akin to how most haters of MCU Spider-Man perceive Tom Holland's version of the character. Let him make his own shit.

The other part of Grant's Flash that makes him like Spider-Man is the love interests. Barry has only been with a hand full of people in comics, and Iris is the one he's been with for the longest. Sure, Patty Spivot dated Flash, there was also Jessica Cruz, Meena Dhawan, but most of the context behind those relationships happened in summary or while the show was running. And in the show...he still doesn't date that many people in the show. But my point is the show builds up to the relationship. Barry and Iris were already dating in the silver age comics when he was introduced. Barry did not need to spend 2-ish seasons for him to date and get engaged to Iris.

And just to add to the spider-man parallel. You know who else had a love interest that was a childhood crush? Peter Parker with Mary Jane Watson. At least it didn't get as weird as WestAllen did in the show.

Another thing to note is that Grant was not a good cast to play Barry Allen. Barry got his powers at a significantly older age than he did in the show. And I know thats alluded to, but it doesn't help.

One more thing: Barry keeps his life as the flash very separate from his civillian life.

The Other Guys, Gals, and other pals!

There is no "Team Flash" in the comics. Team Flash is used in the show to provide exposition that Barry could give if he were being independent but he isn't. It is also of note that almost none of these characters come from the Flash comics. Vibe debuted in a 1982 Justice League comic. Killer Frost is an enemy of Firestorm. And Harrison Wells doesn't even exist in the comics. STAR Labs isn't even a base of operation for Barry, thats where Superman goes for the alien stuff

If there were an actual team flash and a base of operations he had, it would be at the CCPD with his coworkers that got introduced later on like Forest.

WestAllen...why...why is it borderline incest?

Simply put, Barry and Iris are borderline step-siblings. They grew up together in the same house, Joe is like a dad to him, they may have accidentally shared a toothbrush (sibling canon event). It is so fucking weird. Not the first time that WestAllen has just been uncomfortable. I've pointed that in the old tv show and in the DCEU, Barry's relationship with Iris is kinda weird. But the tv show just makes it uncomfortable. The whole reason why its borderline is because Joe never adopted Barry, he was only his care-taker

The West Family in general

Now, I would like to state I do not have a problem with the Wests being black. Would I prefer Iris and Wally to look like themselves? Absolutely, but that isn't a problem to me. What is a problem is everything else. Joe West does not exist in the comics, Wally isn't Iris' brother, he's her nephew, and Iris and Barry's kids are the tornado twins, Don and Dawn Allen not Bart and Nora West-Allen. Speaking of which, Bart Allen and Nora Allen are supposed to be the grandchildren of Iris West. And Nora's actual name is Jenni Ognats, the showrunners just gave Nora the name of XS because of her being from the future.

In the comics, Iris' adopted dad is either Ira West, a scientist who helped the Flash or William West, an abusive drunk. Her real father's name is Eric Russel. None of them to my knowledge were cops or held the alias of Joe.

Iris' brothers are Rudolph "Rudy" West and Daniel West. She did have a sister before Flashpoint named Charlotte. Rudolph is the real father of the first Wally West we all came to know and love but technically was previously the father to the second before that got retconned into Daniel West being the real father. All of this is to say, Iris had more than one sibling.

Iris is also from the future. Although this was a retcon about her death at the hands of Eobard Thawne, she was sent to the past for some reason and when she "died", she was saved by being brought back to the future. Adding this part of her would have made Iris a little more unique compared to characters such as Lois Lane.

Wally's conundrom

And then there's Wally...poor Wally. He never stood a chance in this adaptation of the Flash. Because the New 52 had already gone on for 3 years as of the Flash tv show's airing, Wally West II had already been reintroduced as a black teen being taken care of by his aunt, Iris West. And because Iris had no siblings seen in the show's flashbacks to her and Barry's childhood, it was clear that Rudy wasn't going to appear. So, Wally was made into Iris's brother, and his personality doesn't really reflect how he is in the comics. And I mean both versions of Wally as Tv Wally only has one thing in common with both of them: cars and mechanics.

Tv Wally's personality, if memory serves correct is more in line with Wally West II rather than the first Wally as he has a similar accusatory and emotional attitude. But Tv Wally has plot beats similar to that of the first Wally as he briefly took up the mantle of the Flash. But then again, later on, tv Wally has the unique trait of being more like speed force guru, Max Mercury, as he gains more knowledge over the speed force than Barry does. So Tv Wally is more different than either version of comic Wally.

And then there's show Wally's origin...which I don't remember at all. After a quick search on the wiki page, his origin is reminiscent of how Wally II gets his powers via an alternate history having those powers already, but is still completely different. Flashpoint TV Wally gets powers by having lightning strike him near a nitro engine. That part of his origin is also similar to comic Wally's origin of being struck by lightning and thrown into chemicals. But its also just completely different as main timeline tv Wally gets his speed force connection back via Philosopher stone.

This time, I'm not as upset with Wally being adapted as with the others as Wally had no chance of being adapted thanks to the mess he was in at the time in the comics.

Metahumans, Metahumans from another Earth, Bus Metas? Metatech???

In the comics, Metahumans exist, not through dark matter, but through the metagene. The metagene activates when a person undergoes extreme amounts of stress causing their powers to awaken. Now i assume this wasn't implemented because the x-gene from Marvel comics and because they wanted to find some way of containing all of the metahumans to central city. But that just leads to more problems that I don't like.

For example: some of the Rogues such as Weather Wizard, who was never even a metahuman even when the other rogues got powers (if my memory serves correctly of course).

Fastest man alive?

Its almost comedic at this point, but for the first three seasons (and I assume the same thing happened when Reverse Flash and Godspeed were the main villains of the show again), Barry had to fight three speedsters who were faster than him. One of which was his own self. But heres the thing: what makes Flash unique is that he doesn't just use his speed for running but for doing everything else faster. Stripping it all down to repetitive chase sequences undermines that. And repeating the same type of villain for three seasons gets monotonous pretty quickly (pun unintended).

(Underutilized) Rogues Gallery

Within the series, the number of Flash's villains that are used are notable, but there are some that are just not his villains to begin with. For example: Multiplex. The guy who could split his body to create multiples of himself. Yeah, he's a Firestorm villain. In season 2, there was Atom Smasher, who IS a Flash villain who would later go by Professor Fallout, but the version of Atom Smasher they used was modeled after the hero version of the character. There's also characters such as King Shark, Simon Stagg, General Eiling, Clock King, Everyman, and The Mist that don't belong in the Flash and thats just in season 1.

Flash has more enemies than just the rogues, and even then, the showrunner could have utilized more than just one episode with the Rogues in it! Flash's main arch villains are usually Captain Cold, Gorilla Grodd, and Reverse Flash. Why does only one of them get the spotlight half of the time? Sure, Grodd was made of CGI, but heres the thing, he had a human form in the comics back in the silver age.

The (Underutilized) Rogues

Having one episode dedicated to a Rogue is not fun. It especially isn't fun when the entire team isn't together. The Rogues usually consist of Captain Cold, Heatwave, Weather Wizard, the Trickster, Captain Boomerang, Golden Glider, Mirror Master, and maybe one or two more or less. From what I remember, not a single episode about the Rogues featured more than one rogue.

Weather Wizard only gets a handful of episodes. Captain Boomerang is mischaracterized as this "cool" (I'd say forgetable) bounty hunter or whatever from australia when in truth, he's a loud mouth cheapskate and a loser. Golden Glider also gets two-ish episodes, and she isn't even done justice with her abilities? Wheres the ice skates? Wheres the gliding? Why does she have a hot glue gun that shoots gold!? Captain Cold and Heatwave kinda got screwed over by being thrown into having redemption arcs in Legends of Tomorrow (Although I will say, I do love their characterizations in both shows. Especially when Cold came back with the "Legion" of Doom).

Crisis on Infinite Earths

You mean to tell me that something that was set up for several seasons was wasted on a different Flash? What the hell were the writers smoking?

Flashpoint

Now I know that the tv show sort of fixed this with the Armageddon event, but Flashpoint should have been its own event and not just have one episode in season 3. Because Flashpoint affected DC tremendously, creating the New 52, taking away so many beloved characters and rewriting some of them to be edgy as hell. And don't get me started on what they did to Lobo.

Adapting the source material

Barry had plenty of unique adventures that dove into sci-fi elements. Usually these elements were about alternate dimensions, sentient cloud creatures, another world deep beneath the world's crust. And while we don't get to see that stuff as much anymore with Barry's current runs, it is what made Barry's adventures unique compared to other heroes. And in the show, while Barry does go to alternate timelines, explore some sci-fi concepts, they're more tied to the villain of the week or the villain of the series. Comic Barry would often just stumble across these, and if they were the villain of the week, at least they did something interesting with the concept.

Illegally Brunette

This is just a nitpick, but why are the characters who were blonde/ginger in comics are either brunette or black haired? Are you trying to else us something CW Flash showrunners? Are you trying to tell me and the audience that blonde or gingers don't exist? Because you're right with the gingers, not with the blondes. People with golden hair exist too y'know! (I say as I stroke my brown hair).

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Thank you for reading my nitpicking and whining. If theres anything I got wrong, please let me know. It has been a while since I've seen the Flash tv show and I'm not watching that shit again, so some notes could help. And if I got anything from the comics wrong, again, notes would help.

The entire last section is mostly a joke. I know there are multiple blonde-haired people that exist in the show, its just Barry is blonde in the comics, and we've all heard the complaints over Iris not having red hair (which by the way, wasn't even a thing until later. She's brunette you guys, c'mon).

If you're offended by my immense hatred for the show's faults, tough luck. I'm allowed to have an opinion over this.

I may update this later with more things I dislike about the show if I remember to.

[pintsizemama]

First off…Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I am so excited that I have 400 wonderful followers! You all mean the world to me! Thanks for putting up with all my bullshit ramblings! So, it’s time for a bit of a celebration!

Pick three characters from the list below and I will pair them with the Reader for a fun little polyamorous story! I’m mixing it up a bit here and offering characters outside the Pedro fandom too! (I highlighted Pedro’s characters to make it easier though) Feel free to request specifics for the Reader as well as the tone of the story (angst, smut, fluff, etc). I’ve divided the list of characters by fandom, but you can mix and match however you want!

You can request someone not on the list, but I may not be able to do it if I am unfamiliar with them. (Though, I can do any Pedro character not listed for sure!) But it’s worth a try!

I’ll take requests through the end of the week! Tagging anyone I think may be interested…feel free to reblog and spread the word!

Narcos

Javier Peña

Steve Murphy

Horacio Carrillo

Mandalorian

Din Djarin

Boba Fett

Paz Vizsla

Cobb Vanth

Triple Frontier

Frankie Morales

Will Miller

Benny Miller

Santiago Garcia

Game of Thrones

Oberyn Martell

Ellaria Sand

Jon Snow

Daenerys Targaryen

Khal Drogo

(Shit, I could write for practically anyone on this show)

Other Pedro Characters

Dave York

Ezra

Jack Daniels

Pero Tovar

Marcus Pike

Max Phillips

Marcus Moreno

Comandante Veracruz

Marvel

Loki

Thor

Bucky Barnes

Steve Rogers

Sam Wilson

DC

Diana Prince/Wonder Woman

Bruce Wayne/Batman

Clark Kent/Superman

Arthur Curry/Aquaman

Maxwell Lord

Suicide Squad

Rick Flag

Harley Quinn

Robert DuBois/Bloodsport

Cleo Cazo/Ratcatcher 2

(I still have 2 more asks from my 200 Follower Celebration and a bunch of WIPs, so these may be a bit slow, but they’ll get done!)

@xocalliexo @stevie75 @anaaaispunk @strangercoven @sleep-tight1 @juletheghoul @falulagellerr @just-here-for-the-moment @maxwell--lord @gothicxbarbie @supernaturalgirl89 @paintballkid711 @dihra-vesa @mswarriorbabe80 @kirsteng42 @daryldixonstorm @greeneyedblondie44 @peoniarose @agent-jbarnes @shelby-jupiter @sunny-the-kitsune @withakindheartx @am-alvarezflores98 @hnt-escape @evyiione @javierpinme @andiesturgss @peach-child @fatimaisabelpascal @colorlesswhispersunknown @jasterslegacy @magikfanatic @dreadwolfxoxo @finerthingsboutique @brieflyannoyingandfunny @ikinmahlen

[seriousfic]

Watching Snyder League

-Diana literally vaporizes a guy armed with nothing but an assault rifle.

-Also, these have gotta be like the dumbest terrorists. Their plan:

A. Send multiple armed gunmen to take hostages.

B. Stall for time

C. Set off a suitcase bomb on a one minute countdown (why not just set it off immediately? It's In The Script)

You have a suitcase bomb--just park a car somewhere, set the timer, leave it in the trunk, and walk away. You can kill as many people as you want without losing any of your own guys.

-Superman's scream sends out five separate shockwaves. Which makes me think the guy's milking it, personally.

- I'm amused that both SOP for the Amazons is having, like, fifty people standing around guarding the Mother Box. AND that they don't ramp up security after it wakes up.

- And there's this system of burying the Mother Box.  Which 1. seems like the only way to get there in the first place is to teleport in. What good is this system against a teleporter?

2. It takes six guards to suicide themselves by knocking down pillars, which seems like--in five thousand years, you couldn't come up with something where you just pull a level from twenty feet away?

This is the problem with the Amazons. They're all women, so none of them go into STEM fields.

- It's also real weird that this Bruce Wayne doesn't even try to hide that he's Batman. He just walks right up to Aquaman and goes "hey, Bruce Wayne, I'm also Batman." And remember, he's getting the Justice League together entirely based on a hunch. At least in Josstice League, there were Parademons all up in Gotham.

- And should I even bother to ask why Darkseid's people can't just bring three new Mother Boxes to Earth? Are those the only three? If so, you'd think they'd try to get them back sooner. Like, A LOT sooner.

- Okay, this was supposed to come out one year before Infinity War, but still, it was pretty obvious what Marvel was doing with Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet. They had to know they were inviting comparisons.

-I love the implication, tho, that Darkseid just lost track of the Mother Boxes and just... no one realized they were back on Earth. And they have Parademons that can specifically sniff out the Mother Boxes. 

-And if Superman dying was such a momentous occasion that it woke up a Mother Box, why not the Old Gods dying? Why not Ares dying? Wouldn't that have left Earth just as undefended?

-I have no idea why any of this is happening a couple years after Superman debuted and then died and not in, like, 1446.

-Are the Mother Boxes like finicky computers? Do you need to turn them off and on again? When Superman showed up, did they shut down for real, and then he died, so they came back on for real? Is it like a Windows 95 thing, where you can't JUST turn the computer off, you have to go to the start menu and press Shutdown and then wait for it to close up shop?

-It’s so weird that this is supposed to be a Dark, Mature Adaptation For Adults! And it doesn’t have the same basic logic you’d get from an episode of Power Rangers. 

-So. Much. Daddy issues.

-Please stop letting Ezra Miller improv.

-They cast like the gayest man in America to play the one guy with a love interest.

-Diana: "I lost someone I loved once." Well, twice, but who's counting?

-All those reshoots and they couldn't get Amber Heard to knock off the British accent?

-Why is Desaad, of all people, Darkseid’s dragon? Is it just because they were rifling through all the Fourth World saga to find the few guys with scary names instead of Granny Goodness or Virman Vundabar?

- And they really play up Darkseid appearing to Steppenwolf, but we've not only already seen him in the big flashback, we saw him get his ass kicked by Zeus of all people.

- And the whole thing where Steppenwolf is part of Darkseid's 'family' really isn't helping the Thanos-Nebula-Gamora comparison.

-It's weird to introduce Darkseid as the guy who was already beaten once. Wouldn't it make more sense that Steppenwulf was the guy who lost, and that allowed Darkseid to take over, and now he's trying to redeem himself for his defeat? Or that Darkseid was never defeated at all, but someone stole the Anti-Life Equation from him and hid it on Earth? Something. Instead, it’s literally just randomly burnt into the crust of the Earth, Darkseid discovers it, then forgets all about it for reasons the movie doesn’t get into despite being four damn hours long.

-It’s only the central plot, whatever, forget about it.

- Pretty sure Kal eye-lasered a couple Army guys to death after he was resurrected, not that he ever gives a shit.

-Third big reveal of Darkseid. Come on, you've shown him three times now. We've heard him talk.

-And this does the same thing as Josstice League with Superman being more powerful than the rest of the JLA put together. Here, he even no-sells Steppenwolf's axe. He just lets it hit him and it doesn’t do shit. So Doomsday could kill him, but Steppenwolf can't even scratch him. And yet Wonder Woman seems pretty evenly matched with both, if not outclassed by Steppenwolf.

-Barry Allen spends the whole climax running in a circle. And he fails at it! Dude's really retarded when he doesn't have Team STAR Labs cheering him on.

-He also casually travels back in time to undo his side getting a Game Over, which makes you wonder how any conflict in this universe can ever have any stakes. Say what you will about Endgame, but at least they explain why time travel can’t solve every problem they ever have.

-Hell, the Mother Boxes can bring people back to life. The example used is literally “it can turn smoke back into a house.” Why not bring Joe Morton back to life? He did a good job in T2, c’mon.

-Speaking of, according to TV Tropes, Ray Fisher got to come up with his own backstory for Cyborg (”I don't praise Chris Terrio and Zack Snyder for simply putting me in Justice League. I praise them for EMPOWERING me (a black man with no film credits to his name) with a seat at the creative table and input on the framing of the Stones before there was even a script!”), which makes it kinda hilarious that this movie’s characterization of Cyborg is that he’s a genius sports hero who also loves helping out the underprivileged.

-AND his big conflict with his dad is that Silas Stone was never there for him, as literally represented by there being an empty seat next to his mom at Vic’s big sportsball game. So apparently the black experience is indistinguishable from Austin Powers In Goldmember. Who knew?

-What else? It's weird that the narrative tries to put some importance in Martha Kent, but then in her big scene with Lois, she's really Martian Manhunter (not kidding) and when Superman is resurrected, he hears encouraging words ONLY from Jor-El and Jonathan. All she really contributes to the story is hugging Superman after he comes back.

-Also, Batman spends a lot of time in the climax shooting people with a rifle. They're bug people and it's, like, a Halo rifle, but still. You can tell Snyder's just chomping at the bit to have Batman carry around a Colt Commando.

-They give no shits about secret identities in this, so why do they still bother with putting a shitty distortion effect on Batfleck's voice? He has a pretty good Batman voice outside the suit, but once he puts it on, he starts sounding like he's giving a blowjob to Daft Punk.

-One of the movie’s, like, four cliffhangers is Lex Luthor telling Deathstroke about Batman’s secret identity, because Deathstroke has a private vendetta against Batman and is out to get him. Of all the Bat rogues who are solely motivated by taking out Batman--why choose Deathstroke, the guy that’s just a mercenary for hire, to characterize as simply hating Batman? (They also imply Batman took out Deathstroke’s eye and THAT’S the big feud between him and--guys. C’mon. This was really supposed to be a whole movie of Deathstroke getting revenge for his eye?)

- The movie ends with them making Wayne Manor the JLA headquarters--God, just tell me if secret identities matter or not.

-Did we really need two ‘beyond the impossible’ scenes back to back, one for Cyborg and one for the Flash?

-Oh, it’s not Arkham Asylum, it’s ‘Arkham Home For The Emotionally Troubled.’ Was this supposed to be one of those Arrowverse things where they call it Starling City for a while, only to rebrand it Star City because that’s somehow better than just calling it Star City in the first place?

- "[Snyder] also said that the reason Darkseid lost track of which world the Mother Boxes were left on was because he was gravely injured and their forces sent limping away, and upon returning to Apokolips had to fight a civil war for the throne (possibly the event hinted where Steppenwolf betrayed him), wherein their records were lost." Imagine having a movie four hours long and not explaining the fucking backstory.

[kittyspring-creates]

I dont post enough about kit (my oc) and larry so heres some qaurintina things

*Larry has done all the grocery shopping while kit does all the online shopping

*Her anxiety got out of hand to the point shed panic about the outside

*its gotten better but she still freaks out when theres large gatherings or people touch her

*Larry really got into outfits in his down time, finding cheap but good pastal goth shit to match his wifu, some old style alice cooper shirts, leggings

* he found a batch of horror leggings and now kit had to show him how to store them

*Larry painted like alot at first, fearful things and haunting colors, right now hes trying to work in a sunset with a small shadow in the center

* Larrys also been in a panic, keeping uo to date on the news like a hawk and calling his mom every week to make sure shes ok and to spread what hes heard

*Virtual sunday dinners with the gang, the todd house with neil and todd and sal and gizmo, Ash from her home on the other side of town, chug and maple and soda just a few floors up

*the two really tried to stress they didnt want chug coming over cause of covid. But really its cause they knew he was forgetful and didnt wear a mask when he went outside

*money became an issue for a hot minute but they figured it out

*Larry sells decrepted paintings while he waits for his job to return from war

*kits been selling candles and they have a shared etsy. Both files for ei so its gotten better

*dark but for a moment in the fall kit had become a bit of an alcholic, drinking all the tine despite being sick, always on something

*Larry hid her booze to keep her sober for a bit, knowing she woukdnt go for it if it wasnt there

*they had a long talk about it turbing into a fight that left them both in tears

*moderation, kit now only drinks on monday nights and larrys stopped smoking every hour on the hour, now enjoying one after his coffee, his lunch, before dinner, before bed

*movies everynight especially when one of them falls in love with an actor or actress, right now may 2021 theyre in love with Christain Slater, Gillian Anderson, Ezra Miller and David Duchovny. Also documentries.

*Its been long and stressful year and a half but things are kinda looking up. They both have just gotten their first shot. The last of their friends as Neil is a nurse and got his boyfriend done months ago, sal is an at risk becuase of his medical issues, ash was in a hot spot and chug and maple when while they babysat soda. (Doing their best not to be clean freaks about the 5yearold)

*Even larrys mom got the shot and Kits dad

*a little relaxed now they still take precaution, sanitising after touching doors outside, wearing masks, keeping away from people

*inside they are still chillin, now that the warm weathers come out they like to hang out by the patio in the back, tending to kits garden shes been working on to help the cost of food, reading in the sun light and making wreaths and other decorations for the house.

*did i mention they live in larrys old apartment and he took over his moms job after she got a diffrent one that paid alot more and had benifites. cant do your job if thers no imidiate issue and theres a stay at home order in effect by the city.

Might do an update on how their summer goes.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

I had a friend create a 10-category, 50-question Harry Potter trivia quiz for my 30th birthday. I have a Ravenclaw tattoo that takes up most of my right forearm. I’ve helped orchestrate an HP-themed baby shower. I’ve held multiple HP movie marathons. And when we were first dating and Wife told me she’d never read the books, I legitimately cried and then blocked it from my memory. When she told me for the second time, months later, I cried again. 

One could say I’m a fan of the wizarding world. 

So here we are, at the second entry in the second wizarding franchise, and the only question really worth answering is, is this a world that’s still worth visiting? Well...

Imagine someone you love - it could be anyone, but as an example I’ll use your best friend. Imagine your BEST friend, whom you’ve shared so much with, whom you’ve gone through ups and downs with. That one. Now imagine that every few months, your best friend’s mom sends you a text, or calls you, or puts up a billboard in your town that seems to be actively trying to get you to hate your best friend. Things like “She kicks puppies” or “One time, she made fun of a homeless man until he cried” or “She told me she wants to set fire to a hospital.” Like, real fucked up stuff. Would you maintain a relationship with that friend? With them both? Or would you cut ties completely and just hold onto the memories of the friendship you used to have?

I’m genuinely asking, because J.K. Rowling seems hellbent on shitting all over the things I love in some twisted effort to make me utterly baffled and repulsed by the world she has created. I never thought I’d say this, but Johnny Depp is the least of this movie’s problems, so welcome to Whose Crime Is It Anyway? where the timelines are made up and the plot points don't matter.

A spoilery summary! Our favorite Hufflepuff Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) is asked by Hot Dumbledore (Jude Law) to go to Paris and find Credence (Ezra Miller). You remember Credence, the sweet emo boy from the first movie whose death functioned as the climax of the film? JK JK death is meaningless and impermanent here! It’s the roaring 20s, everyone’s drunk. Newt needs to find him because Grindelwald (Johnny Depp, doing his best impression of day-old potato salad) is also looking for him. Credence is the subject of a prophecy that everyone’s familiar with but the audience, you see, and he’s currently trapped in a Parisian street circus with a woman/snake named Nagini (Claudia Kim, and yes, THAT Nagini). Jacob and Queenie (Dan Fogler and Alison Sudol) also show up again, because they were in the first movie too so they have to be here for this. Jacob’s memory has been restored because...~handwavey reasons~ and Queenie decides to join The Mayonnaise Man’s cause as a wizard Nazi because...she wants to marry a Muggle. Somehow I think she didn’t read the whole orientation flyer. Leta Lestrange (Zoe Kravitz) is engaged to Newt’s brother, Theseus (Callum Turner) but is mostly hanging around to look sad and reveal that Credence couldn’t be her long-lost brother because she killed her long-lost brother by switching him with another baby on a ship right before it sank at sea. And she’s right, Credence isn’t her brother - he’s gone over to the dark side, where the vaguely human amalgamation of cauliflower rice tells him he’s the long-lost brother of Albus Dumbledore! Because why the fuck not, nothing else in this goddamn thing makes any sense anyway.

I would also like to point out I left out at least 40 more characters, many of whom seem to be important but are never named or introduced in any way.

SEVERAL thoughts:

Visually, this world is stunning. The set designers have done an incredible job showcasing new magical settings in rich, vivid detail. The Parisian street circus and the French Ministry of Magic building were particular favorites of mine.

Likewise, the 1927-era costumes are drop-dead gorgeous. This franchise should really be called Fantastic Coats and Where to Find Them.

50 galleons seems so steep. I wonder what the wizarding inflation rate is.

Snakes can fit through bars of cages...

Performances - Redmayne is sweet, but virtually shoved out of the way in his own franchise; Kravitz is cold and removed - is that acting choice secret pain or constipation? Hard to say; Fogler is underutilized, especially after being the emotional MVP of the first film; Sudol is fractured and manic, completely devoid of her earnest warmth from before; Miller barely gets 3 lines, and mostly looks like he’s about to cry; Law is fine as hell and kindly and wise and doesn’t give off weird “I’m going to use children as sacrificial lambs without telling them or anyone else about it” vibes, so that’s already a big step up from the Dumbledore we get in the books; and then there’s Johnny. Johnny “lightly braised tofu” Depp is giving one of his most understated performances in years, to the point that he’s almost...boring? Most genocidal fuckheads are at least compelling speakers, but this dehydrated turnip just sort of glides about, while his followers do dastardly things for him. He doesn’t even kill his own toddlers, he outsources it to his followers. Does nobody believe in honest, hard work anymore? 

Basically all of the details - the set dressing, the costumes, the overall aesthetics and feel of the film - are beautifully realized. However, the foundation is made of smoke and sand and the distant sound of JKR’s maniacal laughter.

Cast and endorse an accused abuser who is teetering on the brink of public collapse? Check. Include outdated Orientalism cliches by casting an East Asian woman as mysterious, dangerous, and literally snake-like? Check. How about a white imperialist Imperius-ing Leta Lestrange's (black African) mother and literally forcing her into sex slavery with no follow-up or reflection on the part of the film or its characters? Check. It’s like some sort of perverse bingo game she’s playing to try to alienate everyone who might have seen themselves in the Harry Potter universe as belonging, because they understood what it was like to be an outsider, to be abused, to be shunned and made fun of and ostracized. Cause fuck all those people, amirite?

And that’s just the offensive choices from a purely political standpoint. How about the offensive choices regarding more trivial matters like linear time and space - like Dumbledore teaching Transfiguration, not DAtDA. Or like Professor MacGonagall being born in 1935, yet somehow teaching at Hogwarts in 1927. People apparating inside Hogwarts. Complete reversals of characters’ personalities and motivations. Characters being introduced and never seen again (where did Bunty go?? Did she die???) Characters NOT being introduced and never seen again (what up Jessica Williams, super psyched that you’re here, sure would be neat if I knew who the fuck you were playing or why that person was important!) If the references are meant for fans’ benefit, it fucking BACKFIRED, because most HP fans I know aren’t looking for a convoluted soap opera where babies are switched, people have secret brothers, everyone's amnesia gets reversed, and people come back from the dead.

Now that I think about it, the practice of confronting a boggart is super problematic. Like people have traumas. It's not all spiders and snakes, Dumbledore! God, Hogwarts pedagogy is shit.

I’m still not convinced that Jude Law’s tasty Daddy Dumbledore could possibly still be in love with this tuna salad sandwich from a vending machine at the DMV. That flashback in the Mirror of Erised is supposed to be full of longing but all I could think was, “is this how straight people think gay sex works?” Would have loved to hear that day in the writer’s room. “Maybe we could have them kiss?” “Too gay. What if they exchange blood vows and hold hands to form a magical amulet?” “Nailed it.” *everyone high fives and chugs a Red Bull* 

There’s just...so much. So much that I wish were different. I don’t quite know how it’s possible for a film to explain both too much and not enough, but here we are. The Crimes of Grindlewald isn’t just a title, it’s a prophecy of what audiences are forced to endure here - it’s not just separating art from artist, it’s not just cultural exploitation and othering, it’s not just queer erasure, it’s not just overplotted and underwhelming narrative, it’s not just cheap shocks and winking references. The rap sheet just keeps getting longer and longer, and I have to wonder when, if ever, Rowling will atone for these crimes.

[eyebright-iris]

Review: Met Gala 2019

Good morning to girls and gays only.  Straight men can perish.

Well, the Met Gala has rolled around once again and all I can say is: I’m so glad I’m a lesbian. The theme for this year was ‘Camp: Notes on Fashion’ and my GOD did some men decide that this was the perfect opportunity to come in a bland black tux or worse.

Some of the biggest disappointments of the night for me have to be Rami Malek and Taron Egerton, who, having both just played some of the most iconic men in recent history who lived, breathed and ate the essence of camp, saw fit to turn up in black tuxes.  Taron’s was kinda sparkly though and I still respect the dude for his general lack of typical masculinity elsewhere (more men commenting “phwoar” on their mates’ Instagram, please).  Shout out to Frank Ocean who showed up looking like any bouncer you might find outside one of my local clubs on a Saturday night.  He collaborated with James Charles to prove that while some gays showed their best, others certainly did not.  The theme was CAMP, James Charles, and you still couldn’t deliver.

I appreciated the change in pace from Darren Criss and Harry Styles, but to be honest, Harry’s had camper looks in concert and Darren Criss…well, I loved his look, but it also took me a solid ten minutes to work out that it was him and not just Brendon Urie in his regular concert gear.  Glittery jackets and statement eyeliner do not a camp icon make, I’m afraid, though you certainly did better than so many others.

Kim Kardashian was certainly…there.  I’m impressed with the way she managed to make herself look like she’s just stepped out of the ocean butt-naked and dripping wet, but girl.  You’re rich as fuck.  There’s more than bodycon dresses out there.  Also please smack your husband, he’s a dick and he’s wearing a black tracksuit.  Kendall and Kylie were a little more flamboyant but honestly, they were single-colour knockoffs of things I would say you could find at a Rio street festival, except that would be an insult to Brazil and all the ways Rio festivals embody everything the Jenner looks were not.  And to be real with you?  For all the colour that was there, they were boring.  What is it with these women and being afraid to be #Iconique? It’s sad that all they seem to know how to do is emphasise their boobs and hips in dresses with very little fabric to try and be daring.  If they weren’t so rich and influential no one would pay them any mind because you can see the same look on anyone else.

While I don’t like Cardi B, I can appreciate her attempt to get into the spirit of the Met Gala, which she pulled off so well last year.  I only wish her skirt hadn’t ended up looking like rows of theatre seating.  Katy Perry was there as both a chandelier and a hamburger, which, while a step up from the Jenner-Kardashian contributions, leads me to wonder if she knows what ‘camp’ means, or if her foray into queer culture stopped once she was done appropriating sapphic sexuality for male consumption in 2008.  Special mention must go to Benedict Cumberbatch who saw fit to show up dressed like some bizarre visiting cousin of Colonel Sanders who maybe definitely owned a plantation.  It wasn’t a black tux but somehow I just wish it had been.

To get to the real stars of the night, I think it’s only fair to start off by saying this Met Gala was once again, Black Excellence.  I cannot BREATHE for the number of incredible, powerful black icons taking to the pink carpet in works of art.  Let’s begin, shall we?

Billy Porter showed up (and showed everyone else up) with six hot half naked slave dudes decked out in gold carrying him in on a black-and-gold chaise-lounge like a modern-day Cleopatra and, once he had both feet firmly on the floor, threw up the massive golden wings of Isis and owned the entire space around him.  The crown.  The wings. The copious gold sparkly shit. The gold bedazzled stuff on his face. Every other man should be ashamed of his failure to measure up to the king. Also every man in a tux found DEAD by the side of the road thanks to our Lord and Saviour Billy Porter.

If Billy Porter is the king, then surely, there are too many queens to choose from.  From Laverne Cox’s strikingly shaped black dress with her brilliant blue-white hair and statement makeup, to Lupita Nyong’o showing up in the full neon spectrum of the rainbow, black women showed up to take the crown every single time last night.  Janelle Monáe’s stunning artsy dress blew me away, from the Picasso-like features to the multitude of hats that I have no idea how she balanced, she’s a masterpiece.  Lizzo stepped out looking like the Empress of Flamingos and I am absolutely here for every second of it.  The colours are loud, bold, and the outfit is as large-as-life as Lizzo herself.  Her hair was so stunning, I swear I thought it was a crown at first.

Black hair certainly had a starring role on the red carpet as well, from Tessa Thompson’s insanely long braid (she was carrying a WHIP to complete her outfit RIP all wlw) to Lupita’s impressive afro with its many golden combs.  I adored Danai Gurira’s hair and especially loved her Oscar Wilde-inspired outfit: here is a woman who understands her brief and works from it to great effect, and I loved Keiynan Lonsdale’s gorgeous hair and butterfly gown – seeing him embracing his queerness with both arms since Love, Simon led him to come out has made my heart big.

I can’t move on from the black dominance and excellence of the night without mention of two of my favourite looks: Zendaya and Lena Waithe.  If Billy Porter is the king and there are too many queens to count, then Zendaya stands out yet again as the living, breathing princess of the lot of them. I can hear the white tears over black girl magic Cinderella from here.  She arrived in a whole Cinderella dress that expanded and glows from within, a pumpkin-carriage purse and her own fairy godmother to transform her with a little bibbity-bobbity-boo?  She even lost her damn glass slipper on the stairs. A true artist.  As they say in the LGBT+ community: um, wig.

Speaking of which: Lena Waithe.  The lesbian icon herself, who showed up to last year’s Catholic-themed Met Gala in a pride flag cape, and who went hell for leather this year as well, putting every man in a tux to shame by not only out-classing them in how fantastic she looked in her lilac suit, but also paying homage to the origins of camp, with the back of her jacket boldly stating “Black Drag Queens Invented Camp” and the pinstripes on the suit actually being cleverly displayed lyrics to iconic drag queen songs.  She really Did That yet again and I’m knocked dead.

This review is already long as hell and it’s about to get longer because there are more looks that I want to mention.

First of all: Lady. Fucking. Gaga.  My girl did four outfits on the pink carpet in the space of 15 minutes and holy shit did she kill it.  Starting out in a voluminous hot pink ballgown, followed by a more sedate but still impressive black one with a matching umbrella, then down to a slim hot-pink number, huge sunglasses, and statement telephone, and finally ending up in an iconic mesh and underwear set, all while sporting the most gorgeous gold false eyelashes that made the whole thing pop.  The creativity and flair of everything Gaga does has made her iconic throughout the years and this event was no exception.

Ezra Miller FUCKED IT UP. Pinstripe suit with the sweeping train, glittering cage corset on top and a myriad of imitation eyes all over his face, carrying an eerie mask of himself on a stick?  Phenomenal.  The confidence in his walk as he moved and the way he displayed his look was so striking and seeing him own it so much made my night.

I loved Jordan Roth’s take on Billy Porter’s wings, allowing him to show up as a literal whole theatre. I loved Ryan Murphy’s sparkling pink champagne tux and high-collared cape.  Florence Welch absolutely slayed in her glittering wing-collared cloak.

However, one of the standout looks for the night was Hamish Bowles.  The embodiment of camp, with that magnificent fur-trimmed patterned cape. The look is absolutely dominating even when he’s standing still, and when he moves, the whole thing comes alive. Watching some of the dynamic shots taken of him having fun with his outfit, I felt like I was watching a bullfighter in a lion’s mane – and all of that is good.  I can’t quite put my finger on why I felt he looked like a fabulous Mrs Doubtfire (maybe it’s the shoes) but the outfit was one of the best and definitely set a bar that so many men fell short of.

Final Words:

Can someone please tell cishet men to step their game up?  Or men in general (I see you Frank Ocean and James Charles letting the damn side down)?  They can stay boring if they want, however.  The rest of us will be having far more fun without them, and the plain black tuxes certainly are no talking point of the evening.

[skammovistarplus]

Culture and Translation - S01 E10

After the cut, lots of thoughts of bullying and betrayals. Also, me trying to get through these quick before season 2 starts dropping. 

CLIP 1: And now, for a lot of thoughts on bullying

¿Con las clases empezadas? (“Mid-term?”): Nora asks Eva something like, “with school having started?” I reworked it as it sounds awkward.

Es que no me entra nada (“I have no appetite”): Eva says something like, “I can’t get anything inside.” Again, no one says this in English.

Okay, so when this clip dropped, there were some discussions on twitter. Firstly, as someone who has attended high school in the US and Spain, I don’t believe Nora would be nicknamed Joan of Arc at an American high school. I don’t think Joan of Arc is that well-known of a figure that side of the Atlantic. Joan of Arc is a fairly recognizable figure in Spain because she is a Roman Catholic saint, and Spanish culture is highly influenced by Catholicism. In my opinion, a person like Nora, living in Wisconsin, would be called a SJW or a snowflake or something along those lines. The issue is, Spanish people don’t understand what those nicknames would mean. They would, however, understand the nuances of getting called Joan of Arc.

Then there is another issue. Nora says, “I swear that, in the US, being a freak is a lot worse than here.” That raises some questions, because the kind of bullying Eva is victim to, is actually really serious. I believe she has it the worst out of all the Evas. To recap: She has been abandoned by all her friends except for Nora. People are talking about her and pointing at her. People throw notes at her, and she is the victim of 24/7 cyberbullying, which involves a picture of the Eva/Cristian kiss and defacing the pictures posted to her ig. This has been going on for around a week. Tyler Clementi, to name a notable victim of cyberbullying, suffered under similar circumstances.  

So, since Nora is speaking from personal experience, how severe was the bullying she suffered in Madison, the bullying that makes her say that, “in the US, being a freak, is a lot worse” than what Eva is experiencing. Some viewers felt that Nora was minimizing the bullying Eva was going through, as Nora only mentions namecalling, being nicknamed Joan of Arc. Spanish teen viewers (the target audience) felt that Nora was exaggerating what “being a freak” is like at an American high school. That is because Spanish teens’ knowledge of American high school comes from, you guessed it, TV shows and movies. In particular, a movie that was brought up in the comments to the clip was The Perks of Being a Wallflower. When this movie was dubbed for Spaniards, the title was translated as “Las ventajas de ser un marginado” (Perks of being marginalized). Now, you will agree that being marginalized is a lot stronger than being a wallflower, and so that led to the impression from certain viewers that being bullied in the US is a glamorous affair where your best friends are Ezra Miller and Emma Watson, you eat cannabis brownies, drive through tunnels for the aesthetics and go to school dances.

In short, this clip attempted to broach the topic of bullying in the US as compared to bullying in Spain, to an audience who has no real references of what American high school culture is like, outside of American popular culture. And to do so, they gave an unrealistic example (American students using Joan of Arc as a demeaning nickname), failed to explain why Nora would feel that bullying at US schools is “a lot worse” than what Eva is experiencing (which barely holds up as an argument, as what Eva is going through has led students in the US to grievous harm), and led more educated viewers to wonder about the extent of the bullying Nora went through. And while bullying at American high schools is an important topic, should that be a topic that Skam ESPAÑA deals with? Is it relevant to the average Spanish teen’s experience? Personally, I feel like the writers may have bitten off more than the show can possibly chew, with this narrative choice, which informs Nora’s character as it is her backstory.

On a lighter note, Nora compares Eva to a dog, which should imply her stance on dogs isn’t so hard-line. The word she uses, “galletitas,” can mean a number of different things in Spanish. Generally speaking, “galletas” are cookies, but they may also be biscuits, salty crackers, or yes, dog food. I went with “kibble” to keep to the dog-related teasing.

Again, the characters suggest that Eva talks to her mom, but she doesn’t. As I mentioned, this is generally true of Spanish teens (we aren’t a hivemind after all), and more specifically, of bullying victims. One of the biggest issues about bullying in Spain is that victims take up to a year to tell their parents.  

CLIP 2: Learn English with Skam España

Okay, so this is definitely more about the effects on bullying than culture or translation anymore. Is everyone in that library talking about Eva? At this point, it no longer matters for either Eva or the viewer. The bullying she has gone through so far has made it so that both Eva and the viewer now feel paranoid that everyone is talking shit about Eva while Eva is present. Maybe those guys are just checking 9gag! But since they took out their phones at the same time Eva got an IG notification, it feels like they are definitely mocking Eva. I thought Eva’s actress was great through the entire bullying arc, and I liked that Skam España expanded on the bullying sl from the og, so that we could get a fuller portrait of the effects of bullying on their victims.

¿Con qué estás? (“What are you studying?”): The literal translation would be, “What are you with?” I.e. What subject are you working on right now.

When did Amira take that Bio test? She’s supposed to be in Eva’s group (we saw her in the third clip and she’s also on the Science track), but of course, that test was all about Eva and Lucas’ friendship angst.

Phrasal verbs are the bane of every ESL student’s existence, Cris included.

No seas plasta (“don’t be a pain in the ass”): “Plasta” is a synonym of “pesado/pesada,” which I already covered in an earlier post. It literally means “flattened mass.”

Me cago en la puta (“shit on a whore”): More pooping! Now we’re pooping right on top of prostitutes! But yeah, that’s the literal translation and, you know, sometimes you want to find the closer English equivalent, and other times, you just want to make sure people understand who or what we’re pooping on this time. Cris is really frustrated with her English skills, so she uses one of the stronger pooping variations.

This was one of the clips that were most fun to translate, for the challenge of translating an English quiz to English.

CLIP 3: Mess

Es que ya hay que tener mala hostia (“You really gotta be a fucking asshole”): “Tener mala hostia” is the stronger versión of “tener mala leche” (literally, to have bad milk). A person with “mala leche” is someone who acts in bad faith, a malicious or a bad-tempered person. The idiom comes from the idea that a mother’s breastfeeding milk can have an impact on her person’s temper or personality. “Hostia,” as we’ve covered, is the sacramental bread used for the ritual of the Eucharist, but it’s used more commonly to mean a smack across the face.

Cris makes a point of singling out the person who first uploaded the pic to instagram. When I link Skam España to people, I point out that they should also follow the social media posts, and here’s the reason. If you follow the social media posts, you already know who first uploaded the picture to instagram. It was Inés. The hate ig took it from her stories, cropped it, and posted the first meme. The sequence of events is clear if you followed the show in real time. However, if you bingewatch the episodes and don’t follow social media, you get the impression that, at this point, how the Eva/Cristian picture made it to the hate ig is a mystery. And also, that whoever uploaded it first (who we know to be Inés) is the one with beef against Eva. And, well, there’s beef of the level of “I uploaded a compromising pic to my stories to be a dick” and beef on the level of “I’ve vandalized all your pictures, turned you into a meme and covertly filmed you at school.”

This confrontation is so odd when you consider that, unlike the og girl squad who didn’t know about the letter written in period blood, the Spanish girl squad suspects the second years of being behind the hate ig. In fact, they know the girls have pulled similar shit before. And, best of all, Cris actually hooked up with one of them, so you’d think Cris’ presence might help matters?

The second year girls have a different Maths teacher. This one is a guy. The girl squad’s Maths teacher is a woman.

I find it funny that Rubén was suspended for three days for fighting with ALEJANDRO, but ALEJANDRO was not punished himself.

I just noticed that there should be an “into” in the sentence, “People are huge assholes and anything can turn INTO a joke to laugh your ass off.” Oops.

CLIP 4: Failing grade in Biology and in Friendship

As noted in the subs, in Spain we’re graded on a 0-10 scale. 5 is the passing grade. Lucas got an 8, which is considered a “notable” grade, but not “outstanding” (those are grades over 9). Eva got a 3, which is well below 5. Much like Isak, Lucas is good enough in Biology that he does well in surprise exams. He seems to be resentful of what this grade might do to his GPA though, lol.

Lucas says that his mom was hysterical after his dad left, but the language he uses doesn’t make it explicit that his mom is mentally ill. The writers may or may not keep this part of Isak’s background. Thought I’d mention that since we know at this point that they have no issues giving the Skam España characters entirely different backgrounds. So far, it’s clear that Lucas’ parents fight a lot and that his home life is massively impacting Lucas’ mood and life, but we don’t know what the fights are about.

¿Para esto vienes de buenas a hablar conmigo? (“Is this why you talked to me like nothing happened?”): “de buenas” is kind of tricky to translate. You can come at someone “de buenas” (good) or “de malas” (bad). If you come at someone “de malas,” it means you’re already on a bad mood when you start a conversation, or you’re angling for a fight. On the other hand, if you come at someone “de buenas,” it means you’re in a conciliatory mood, or trying to avoid a fight.

CLIP 5: Hi privileges

Comiéndoos la boca (“Sucking face”): Inés actually says that Jorge and Eva were eating each other’s mouths. This is a common Spanish idiom, by the way!

El insta es muy jodido (“Insta is a mindfuck”): Eva says that Insta is “really fucked up,” as in, it does a number on one’s mental health. I went with “mindfuck” to get to the point of what Eva means, but keeping the swear word.

Eva asks Inés why she stayed friends with Jorge, but not her. I saw some commentary to the tune of, “why did they add that bit of dialogue? It adds nothing to the conversation, we already know this.” Personally, I think it’s good that they added it, because it’s a good starting point for a discussion, and particularly when it comes to the s2 storyline. Skam has gotten massive kudos for promoting sorority and friendship between girls. However, the s2 storyline is about Noora being forced to choose between her friend and a boyfriend. Vilde never dated William, but the storyline shares some of the same elements: Eva is torn between a guy she likes who likes her back, and her friend who is in love with that guy. So is Noora. Skam offers two outcomes to that scenario. Eva’s decision results in her expulsion from her friend group, while ultimately the girl squad friendship is stronger after Noora’s season.

Inés says she assumed that boyfriends come and go, but that she thought she’d stay friends with Eva forever. Was Eva Mohn right in choosing a boyfriend over her best friend? Was Eva Vázquez (since, thanks to the bonus clip, we know more of how Eva and Jorge got together)? Was Inés right to hold a grudge against Eva? And if she was right to do so, was she right to not hold a grudge against Jorge?  Is it ever okay to choose a boyfriend over your friends?

Again, if you haven’t kept up with the social media, Inés’ apology may seem confusing. It seems like she admits to being the person behind the hate ig, but then why would she not take credit for the meme? The first profile to make a meme out of the Eva/Cristian pic was eva_la_z0rra (or eva_the_s1ut). That’s because Inés is not behind the hate ig. She just uploaded the pic to her stories. I have noticed that people who didn’t keep up with the social media posts assume Inés took responsibility for the hate ig, which is interesting. You could watch og Skam without the social media posts and the story would be exactly the same than if you’d watched it with the social media posts. Social media added characterization details. When it comes to Skam España, you come away with two very different conclusions as to who ran the hate ig, depending on your level of investment (reading and watching everything vs just watching the episodes).

Retirar el saludo (“to snub someone”): This idiom doesn’t come up in the clip itself, but it gives cultural context to Eva and Inés’ conversation. In the course of a day, we say hi to everyone we know that we come across. We don’t necessarily stop and have a conversation, but we acknowledge them with a “hi” or a “how are you doing.” In Spain, we have a specific idiom for when someone’s fucked up and has lost their “hi” privileges. This is “retirar el saludo” (literally, “to remove the greeting”). Through the conversation, Eva seeks to get her “hi” privileges back, and eventually Inés agrees she will say “hi” to Eva when they see each other at school/around the neighborhood/at parties or botellones. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll stop to talk and catch up, but Eva now gets to be told “hi.”  

Social media: 

Cris turned 16 this week! I love that the writers specifically picked her birthdate so that it would fall on a day where the girl squad was still broken up. Needless to say, people were very salty in the comments, heh.

I’ve liked the way Skam España has referenced the og with similar social media pics, Kose Club, and song choices. Referencing songs from the og on insta is actually clever as it helps them circumvent music license issues, lol. That said, I think naming the Spanish girl squad after the og girl squad name Las Losers would be far too much. I hope they leave it at that, just a reference on a text update.

[welproosterteethownsmysoul-blog]

Six of Crows Dream Cast!

So because of the upcoming Netflix show, I decided to do one of these! The criteria I used for this was acting experience, looks, and age (to an extent).

1. Kaz Brekker:

Jaeden Lieberher

OR

David Mazouz

Honestly, Kaz was probably the hardest for me to pick. They need someone young who can pull off a very complicated and broken little shit. I saw alot of people mentioning Ezra Miller's name (he would fucking kill this role) but I'm not sure if that's realistic lol. So I went with Jaeden and David. Jaeden is 16 and he played Bill in It. I thought Jaeden was absolutely fantastic in It and Bill (while being kinda shy and has a stutter) is a hard role to play. I think Jaeden would be a very believable Kaz, especially just from the way he looks (his cheek bones, his hair style, etc.) David is 17 and is just finishing playing Bruce Wayne on Gotham. Bruce and Kaz are definitely similar characters and David does a great job as Bruce! David can pull off complex characters like Bruce and I have no doubt that he would make a fantastic Kaz.

2. Inej Ghafa

Alia Bhatt

Okay, I know alot of people really want Neelam Gill to play Inej. However, Neelam is a model with no acting experience, which makes me a little wary. Inej needs to be played by someone who can do not just the scenes where she's spying or goofing off with the rest of the Crows, but also her vulnerable scenes (her Menagerie flashbacks, etc.) I chose Alia because she's young, she looks like Inej, and has had some previous experience with serious roles in Bollywood movies (I think she did one about Stockholm Syndrome?)

3. Nina Zenik

Danielle Macdonald

This was another tough one because there aren't really that many young plus-sized actresses. Danielle is 27 and just recently played Willowdean in Dumplin on Netflix! I know 27 is a little outside of the age range of the characters but she can pull off playing an older teen (see movie mentioned above). I think she would absolutely slay as Nina. She can definitely pull off Nina's confident air and her funny moments as well as her struggle after taking Parem.

4. Matthias Helvar

Nicholas Hamilton

In an absolutely perfect world, Matthias would be played by Chris Hemsworth because holy shit he'd be perfect. However, Chris is way too old for the role. So I went with (in my opinion) the next best option which is Nicholas. Nicholas is 18 and played Henry in It. Nicholas is already in pretty fantastic shape as it is and I think he can pull off stoic and brooding pretty well. His performance in It was really fantastic and he definitely has the chops for a role like Matthias. His height is a little on the smaller side for Matthias (he's 5'8 and most of the time I picture Matthias as at least 6'1) but I'm willing to overlook it.

5. Jesper Fahey

Keiynan Lonsdale

Okay, this was a no-brainer for me. Keiynan IS Jesper Fahey. Keiynan is 27 and played Bram in Love Simon and currently plays Wally West on various DC TV shows. Again, 27 isn't really the age group of the characters but Keiynan can play older teens. Keiynan is REALLY good looking and can definitely pull off Jesper's confident swagger and shameless flirting.

6. Wylan Van Eck

Tom Holland

Okay, look at him and tell me that isn't Wylan Van Eck. Tom is 22 and currently plays Peter Parker in the MCU. Peter and Wylan are similar in the sense that they're both socially awkward dorks who get flustered easily and are also secretly badasses. I think Tom would be absolutely adorable as Wylan and could really pull off the dorky innocent demeanor of Wylan in a great way.

Bonus! Kuwei Yul-Bo

Charles Melton

I think Charles would REALLY do well in this role. Kuwei is a little shit (a role which Charles already plays on Riverdale) and I think Charles could make him (slightly) redeemable.

[iingwaz-blog]

├ EZRA MILLER / SOFIA BLACK-D’ELIA. GENDERFLUID. HE/THEY/SHE. ┤ you’re riding solo, LOKI. their file names them a A FEW THOUSAND year old FROST GIANT / DEITY from MARVEL. according to their old friend, LOKI has ALL of their memories. but what they do know, is their quintessence is captured within the lyrics of I WANNA GET BETTER by THE BLEACHERS.

trigger warnings: death

this is the story of loki backstory, let’s go!

a disaster, a mess, a trainwreck of a person deity

this intro is a reflection of that

like really this is a mess, reading the wiki would probably be a lot less confusing

okay, so right off the bat let’s just establish one thing: i play loki based almost entirely off the comics.  there may be a few thing’s influenced and based off the mcu, but my portrayal of loki is probably like… 99% comics based.

so i’m pretty sure we all know the basics of who this asshole is bc of the mcu, but let’s quickly establish a few things that are different 1) loki was raised fully knowledgeable that he was adopted / is a jotun, not an aesir 2) loki dies - like full on, not faking or almost dying and then not, is completely 100% dead - multiple times. 2a) there’s multiple different incarnations/versions of loki in the comics, kinda almost as a result of that. 2b) more on all this in a moment. 3) loki is…. vastly more powerful in the comics.

okay so i know i said i write loki in the comics, but i also mentioned that there’s a lot of lokis in the comics.  so which one in particular do i play??

the third main incarnation, most commonly referred to as ikol.  ikol was originally created by the first loki as kind of a failsafe of sorts in the event that he died?

which yknow

he did

the original loki fucking died.  rip in pieces, you piece of shit.

ikol is a ghost, a copy, an echo of the original loki.

loki ended up being uhhh reincarnated as a kid.  this incarnation, known commonly as kid loki, is great.

except for the part where ikol’s whole purpose was to, yknow, kill him.

which he did

kill kid loki, that is.

didn’t just kill him, really.  stole his body, too.

just loki things: murdering yourself, and then stealing your body

“i am the crime that will not be forgiven!”

this is such a goddamn mess i’m sorry

okay so…. we have now arrived at the point of ikol playing the role of loki

the event of young avengers v2 happen, all that good fun happy stuff happens

and then!!  loki: agent of asgard!

sooo…. loki ends up working for the all-mother (mainly freyja, who’s, yknow, loki’s mum) to basically make up for all of loki’s past crimes, misdeeds, and such.

anD THEN! king loki shows up

king loki is… ikol’s future self?  

he’s from a future where loki accomplished pretty much all that they set out to do.  their past crimes were largely forgiven and forgotten

but… loki still wasn’t accepted by the asgardians, was still mistrusted, was still theoutsider.

because loki is the god of lies, and how can anybody trust someone with that title?

and that, yknow, rightfully pissed him off.  and it basically sparked him into going back down the path of villainy.

and go back in time and try and force ikol to accept that their fate, that loki is only ever going to be hated, is only ever going to be a villain.

and it very nearly works!  largely as a result of king loki’s machinations, ikol ends up, well. 1) thor finds out about kid loki, very nearly kills ikol, and basically disowns them 2) the asgardians basically say that ikol isn’t even worth pretending to care about 3) freyja basically disowns them as well, and sends them into exile

but.  largely because loki made a friend, the absolute best friend in the world, king loki’s plan doesn’t work.

and loki kinda redefines who they are and what a lie is.

“what is a lie, when it’s at home?” … “a lie is a story told, that’s all.”

a story is just a falsehood that people like to hear, that people like to be told.

and we see loki become the god of stories, rather than stay the god of lies

it’s largely the same title, just with a more positive spin to it

they’ve also said that while they have no plans to do anything evil, and that that’s not really who they are anymore, trying to say they haven’t done it or are incapable of it is wholly wrong

and now! stuff that’s actually super relevant to the rp rather than backstory, let’s mcfucking goooo

loki is genderfluid.  it’s a canon fact about this incarnation of loki.

loki has no idea how they feel about chicago.  they’d much prefer to be in new york city, but they’ll take this over a small town

mostly they’re just upset that the technology is so outdated

there’s a 90% chance that if they need money, they’ll steal it.  just bc they’re not evil anymore doesn’t mean they’re good

if you read through all that, i’m sorry and i love you ♥

[nednapah]

Fan account of Sons of an Illustrious Father at Obaren (Stockholm, Sweden)

Soooo me and one of my closest friends, @imbossthatswhy​, went to go see the Sons of an Illustrious father show on the 13th of September in Stockholm, Sweden. I’m a bit late in writing this as I have been super busy working.

That show was so awesome. The vibe, the love, the overall good feels everywhere was so entoxicating. 

Just gonna recap this adventure so I can remember it in the future cause I have a shit memory.

We live in Denmark so first of all we had to get to Sweden. Day of our trip, I find out that I forgot my passport so I had like severe anxiety the whole journey to Stockholm and tried to get my friends to take a picture of my passport for me, just in case you know. Luckily, we weren’t checked so we made it safely to Stockholm and checked into our hostel. So, we wander around a bit, grab a coffee and try to get a grip of our nervousness. A lot of cigarettes were smoked on this 1-day trip.

We walk around a bit trying to locate Obaren but we’re hella confused ‘cause we see a seemingly swanky restaurant where the place should be at. We’re confused but determined to find the place. We end up going inside and my girl asks one of the workers where the bar is. She leads us into the swanky restaurant and towards some hidden stairs. We’re both like...what? How were we supposed to be able to find this place? Anywaaaays...We get there and we both don’t know what to do with ourselves. The door was closed and the facebook event said that the doors first opened at 8 pm but I checked the door just to be sure. It wasn’t locked or anything but all I could see was the stairs and some lights. No music, just silence so I went out again. 

We went outside to smoke a bit more and kill some time because we were there about 2 hours before opening because we were expecting there to be a queue. There wasn’t but we did run into a few people that came early like us. We met this one guy, who is now our friend, who was carrying a DC tote bag around along with wearing a Batman shirt, so we knew he must’ve been there to see Ezra. Luckily my friend is like super extroverted so she started all the conversations. Honestly, I don’t know what I would have done without her because I am extremely introverted and I don’t know how to strike up a conversation.

We end up going inside to wait in front of the Obaren door again. We wait some more and then suddenly the band comes downstairs and I was just gob smacked cause there he was. Ezra fucking Miller. I usually don’t get star struck because I work with actors and musicians as well but I could just feel my knees get weak when I saw him. First word that struck me about him was aloof because of the way that he walked around. Josh Aubin close behind and then Lilah Larson at the back. They went around a corner and then I didn’t see them again. At this point me and my friends were low key freaking out at the close proximity of the band.

We wait some more and people started eventually going into the bar. On my way up, I see the band and Ezra’s bodyguard sitting at a table waiting to get served. Struck again by awe by the casualness of it all.

So we get in and find some really good seats right by the edge of the scene at the bottom of the stairs that were there. We order beers and just start chatting again about how excited we all are.

I decide to go out to smoke to try and take my edge off and pass by the band’s table where they are all engaged in conversation. I hurry on out cause I really needed that smoke now. Finish smoking, pass the table again and rejoin my friends.

Time passes and eventually Ezra’s bodyguard comes to take a look at the accessibility point for the band to get up on stage. Some people were moved out of the way because they were sitting on the stairs. Me and my friends look at each other and concluded that the band was going to pass right by us when they were gonna go up on stage. We get even more excited.

The time finally comes. I see Ezra’s bodyguard closely tailed by Liliah, Josh & Ezra. They walk right past us and get up on stage. Ezra’s bodyguard stays down by the end of the stairs right next to me.

Lilah, Josh and Ezra then proceed to hug each other in one big group hug before settling at their instruments and starting the show. They started off with my favorite song, U.S. Gay. Lilah managed to break the A-string on the guitar early in the show. She was rocking out too hard I guess. The band proceeds to play songs (even with guitar) and change between singing and playing different instruments.

All in all, the performance was amazing! They all really did great. The energy shared between them was just awesome and ugh…I just can’t put into words how happy I am to have experienced them.

After they finished the show, we just sort of bask in the glory that was SOAIF.

Afterwards we see Lilah standing by the merch table so we walk over and wait in line to say hi to her. There was a lot of movement all of the sudden and I just remember being hella confused as to what was happening. My friend then proceeded to tell me that Ezra was out and that our new friend had made a beeline towards him. We had promised each other to take pictures of us interacting with him earlier in the evening so I just tried to keep up with them with my phone ready. So I’m there taking pictures of our new friend while he is talking and taking pictures with Ezra. After he was done with his interaction, people started moving again. My friend asks out loud what we’re all asking ���Wait, what’s going on?”

Ezra heard her and replied back with “Oh, I’m a fire hazard so we’re just moving over here.” All smiles and everything. We just laugh at each other and then wait in line in front of Ezra. My friend starts talking to Ezra and I’m just behind her playing paparazzi cause we’re probably not gonna have an opportunity like this again. Everything must be documented! After a few hundred pictures (gonna be honest, my finger barely left that camera function) and some more waiting it was my turn. My friend managed to tell me that Ezra had stolen her pen and that I needed to get it back. No probs! Now it was my turn.

Eek. My mind turned to mush as I stepped in front of Ezra. This was a whole new thing compared to watching him perform. I lean in to talk to him because the venue had now turned into a club and loud music was blaring out of the speakers and some partygoers had arrived. I was super clumsy with my words cause, hahahahaha, introvert here! I am verbally incapable of making a good first impression. Didn’t tell him anything remarkably memorable because brain was mush. All I could manage to say to him was that I’ve been a fan since I saw him in “We Need To Talk About Kevin”. He replied with “Oh, that’s a long time!” I forget to tell him that I actually only saw that movie last year and just start giggling nervously. The one thing that I did notice throughout our interaction was how intense his eye contact is. He kept eye contact the whole time I was fumbling with my words and I swear he has the most kind eyes ever. I proceed to ask for an autograph and he just looks after a pen. “Oh, yeah you kinda stole my friends pen” I tell him as I find it on the table next to him. “Ah, yeah I have a habit of stealing things” he jokes to me whereas I reply with “Don’t we all though sometimes?” I then ask to take some pictures with him. He just goes “Alriiiight” and smiles at me. I tell him that I’m gonna take a few hundred pictures and he says something that I can’t remember and starts to laugh a little.

After the photos, I just thank him for coming somewhere remotely close to where I’m from (Denmark), give him a big hug and then I went on my way cause I wanted everyone that came to have a chance to talk and take pictures with him. I really didn’t want to take up more time than was necessary even though I could have stayed in front of him babbling like in idiot for hours. Also if you get a chance to get hugged by Ezra, GRAB HIM AND HOLD HIM CAUSE HIS HUGS ARE SO WARM AND LOVING. I could’ve died a happy woman on the spot.

I then turn to Ezra’s bodyguard who was standing right behind him and I just had to pay him a compliment. I told him that I had always seen him in pictures and thought that he had the most awesome style. He thanks me and pulls me in for a hug and gives me a kiss on my forehead. I then ask him how long they’ve been in Sweden for and if he has enjoyed himself. They were here for 2 days and yes they had been enjoying themselves. 

I regroup with my friends and we’re just so fucking excited cause we just met friggen’ Ezra Miller. Our new friend had to leave so we said goodbye to him.

Me and my girl then scan the room and see that Josh is now by the merch table so we finally go there to take a look at the merch as well. I found the pin that I had previously seen on their website but was sold out. So I ask for one of them and ask how much it costs and how to pay for it. We were told that we could download an app to pay for it or pay in Swedish kroners. New dilemma. I thought that they would have had a terminal to buy merch with so I’m slightly distressed by the thought that I wouldn’t be going home with that little pin as something else to remember the night by. So I ask the lady that I thought was in charge of the merch of what we could do so I could pay for it. She said that I had to ask Josh about it cause it was after all the bands’ merch. My friend jumps in and starts asking Josh if there was any other way that we could pay for the pins for (cause she wanted one as well). We tell him that we came from Denmark to see them and that we didn’t have any Swedish kroners or card to pay with. Josh just looks at the pin and then at her and me and quietly just tells us to take it. 

MY heart! My itty bitty heart couldn’t handle him being adorable. We thank him profusely and I gush about how I loved the gig that night. The whole vibe and them were just absolute love. Then I ask him if I could take some pictures with him. He gladly obliges and I take a few photos with him as well and invite him and the band to Denmark. I also got his autograph.

I had a much easier time talking with Josh cause he felt somewhat as awkward as I normally am. I then tell him that if they ever need a tour guide or a friend in Denmark then they can just go ahead and contact me as I dig out one of my business cards and give it to him. I then tried to look around after Lilah but I didn’t see her anywhere. I then ask out loud where she is and Josh starts looking around for her as well. “Hmm, I don’t know actually.” I thank him a lot again and then try and move out of the way cause I noticed that a lot of people had started queueing up for the merch.

I get out in the middle of some open area and reestablish some composure again. My friend and I have literally turned into teenagers again and are just so completely stoked by the whole concert and meeting the band. We compare autographs and I honestly felt a little let down because Ezra had written “Get it” along with his autograph on hers while he only wrote his name on mine. She said that she was gonna go back to him and get some new pictures cause hers didn’t turn out that well. I asked her if she could get him to write something a little more personal for me as well and then she was off. There were still a few folks in line waiting to meet Ezra and honestly....The face he makes when he’s hugging is just ugh...So serene, so peaceful. I couldn’t help but take a series of photos as well when he was hugging another fan.He hugged her for the longest time also and I was just thinking...”Yes, girl...I understand. You hug the hell out of him!”

I got some more photos of her with him and could see that she got some more photos in as well. She then takes out her little booklet with our autographs in it and I can see that she’s explaining what I asked to him. He took the longest time to write out the note and I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw what took such a long time.

What an adorable bean!

Honestly, I don’t know why I didn’t just ask him myself. Now looking back at it, I could’ve gone back for more hugs and a more personal note. I’m an utter idiot. 

But yeah, she got new photo’s and I got myself a more personal note. All in all a happy camper! 

Still think that I’m an idiot though for not going back for seconds.

But yeah, that was our night. Totally worth all the anxiety.

We never saw Lilah but if I get another chance to see the band again, then she is the first person I’m going to after the show!

[freshginandtonic]

I Just Haven't MET You Yet: Thoughts on the Super Bowl of Fashion

The Met Gala is the the Olympics of fashion. As my title suggests, it has been called the Super Bowl of fashion. Athletes train for years - buffed and polished to an inch of their life to go out there and achieve excellence in sport. For the Met it’s excellence in fashion. Once a year, we (or at least my mother and myself) wait with bated breath to see what everyone wears.

As many of us are currently, I am working from home at the minute - today before I started my commute (15 seconds from my bed to my desk), instead of activewear I decided to put on my designated fancy ass velvet dress I bought about four years ago that I now wear to any vaguely formal occasion (with an abundance of tape to deal w how low cut it is) - and a puffer jacket (it’s cold af in my room) to commemorate the gala.

This year’s theme was supposed to be ‘About Time: Fashion and Duration’ I googled this concept and found the following information on the Met’s website: “it will explore how clothes generate temporal associations that conflate past, present, and future. Virginia Woolf will serve as the "ghost narrator" of the exhibition.”

My thoughts on this are as follows: firstly, ‘About Time’ is a great film if you haven’t seen it. Secondly, clothes conflating the past present and future - it’s a big yes from me. Thirdly, can Virginia Woolf serve as the ghost narrator of my entire life? What an idea.

The co-chairs this year were going to be Anna Wintour, Meryl Streep, Emma Stone, Lin-Manuel Miranda and Nicolas Ghesquiere. I mean, that list in itself is like a dream party list because you just know you’ll be getting a Streep-Stone-Miranda musical number in between drinks and dinner. I also don’t really know what being a co-chair of the event MEANS, but I’m guessing its some kind of vague organisational role where but you defer to Anna on everything - basically a school captain and principal set up.

For those of you who want a quick crash course in the, who, the what and the why I’m even talking about this gala thing here’s the tea: The Met Gala is the annual fundraising gala for the benefit of the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute in New York City and marks the opening of the Costume Institute's annual fashion exhibit. Vogue have just done a video to explain the history so pls get enlightened.

However if you want more than 6 minutes and 50 seconds of how it all works, look no further than the 2016 documentary ‘The First Monday in May’. The film covers the months leading up to the 2015 Gala and the night itself. The theme that year was ‘China: Through The Looking Glass’, and it was all about the impact of Chinese design on Western fashion over the centuries.

The film is a huge eye opener into the pressure, time constraints, and sheer elbow grease that goes into the event. It’s also the closest thing to The Devil Wears Prada I’ve seen since ‘The September Issue’ . Anna Wintour flits around the museum with her sunnies and her giant cup of Starbucks, and scenes of Anna’s assistant and event organisers excessively vetting people from the guest list (“Josh Hartnett? What has he done lately?”) are amazing but also can you IMAGINE watching it and seeing them bitch about you?! Quelle nightmare.

Also if you’re a nosy Parker like me fun fact you can pause on the shots of the seating charts, and see who’s sitting next to who - I managed to squint and see Baz Luhrmann next to Jennifer Lawrence, Amal Clooney next to Tom Ford, and‘Jared Leto TBC’. How ominous.

As I mentioned earlier the show I work on covers the Met Gala - and yes, thanks to the time difference ‘the First Tuesday in May’ really doesn’t have the same snazzy ring to it. So come last year we were prepared to report on it - in 2020, I recalled it fondly, and also stressfully with my bosses video calling me at 7:30 this morning to remind me it was Met Gala Day and giving me a triple bypass in the process.

From my memory, the Queen of Camp at the 2019 gala was Lady Gaga - I remember watching her pink carpet entrance at work (I was the Met Gala producer that day - definitely not a real thing) and realising that every time I looked up at my screen she had a different outfit on - I believe there were four in total, which gave me palpitations at the time as I had to have three separate slabs of overlay to show the transition between her looks - but now a full year later I can appreciate her sheer artistry.

The 2019 theme was ‘Camp: Notes on Fashion.’ The exhibit was inspired by Susan Sontag's 1964 essay that defines camp as "love of the unnatural: of artifice and exaggeration.” It’s something that Sontag describes as “esoteric - something of a private code, a badge of identity even, among small urban cliques.” It seems to me that’s the best way to describe the Gala itself? Something out of the ordinary, opulent and pretty much unattainable to normal people looking in from the outside that manages to seduce us all every year.

There were so many great looks last year I can’t possibly go through them all, so quick honourable mentions to the following: Harry Styles , Ezra Miller, Lily Collins, Irina Shayk, Kim Kardashian, and Hamish Bowles to name far too few. Also some great online stuff came out as well: this movie trailer for the event and this brilliant video showing how the Vogue social media team handled the event.

Despite all this, I have to say that yes, while the ‘Camp’ year was, indeed shit hot, and I lived for every moment of it, my favourite year was in fact 2017.

The theme was ‘Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination’, and after 13 years of Catholic education and living with a deeply religious grandmother who keeps a bunch of icons around our house I can firmly say Alleluia and Thanks Be to God. The main thing I remember from this year was this amazing video that Vogue put up (and apparently took down as I had to find it on Facebook) showing celebrities flouncing around the museum in their finery.

My friend Georgie and I were going through our favourite looks from previous years over Zoom last night, and while she had gone for looks from like 1974 to present day, literally all of mine were from 2017 bc I loved them all so much. Plus looking through I remembered that Shawn Mendes and Hailey (now) Bieber were a couple for about 30 seconds.

I must particularly make mention of Zendaya, Emilia Clarke, Greta Gerwig, Ariana Grande, Bella Hadid, Rihanna, Kate Bosworth, Blake Lively, Lily Collins, Kim Kardashian, Chadwick Boseman, Cardi B and Priyanka Chopra who, although perennially irritating since becoming Priyanka Chopra Jonas, cannot be ignored for her excellent use of red velvet here. As you can probably tell I found it REALLY hard to narrow that all down.

I am someone who decided at least five years ago that they would one day attend the gala (I haven’t quite figured out why I would be invited, but even Kim Kardashian started as a plus one so there’s hope for me yet). Every year I look at red carpet as my altar, the stars the saints and angels (yeesh, can you tell I went to Catholic school - and I actually believe this garbage). I don’t know how a short walk up some stairs to a museum became so fraught with power but there it is. Every time I go out in something approximating a ballgown (bringing it back to the red dress, people) I imagine how I would walk, who I would talk to, what my hair would look like (very important), and who I would have at my table (slightly less important than hair). And of course, addressing Anna (through her all things were made, for us and for our salvation, maker of Heaven and Earth, of all that is seen and unseen etc).

Maybe she would look at me and nod approvingly with a wry smile (please refer to the end scene of the Devil Wears Prada to see exactly how this would happen, but hopefully the smile would be a bit warmer than what you would give an ex-employee) and I would walk on, secure in the knowledge that Anna and I had connected on a deeply spiritual level. Then I imagine I would head straight to the bar to recover.

NOW KEEP READING HUN

A quick note for people who want to read fun stuff/watch fun stuff about the Met Gala to compensate for this trash year, here are some funky links to what Vogue has going on:

Anna Wintour Addresses the Met Gala and Florence + The Machine Performs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HptQEYkMrVQ

Thinking of the Met on a Not-So-Typical First Monday in May https://www.vogue.com/article/moment-with-the-met-vogue-global-conversations

25 Years of Met Gala Themes: A Look Back at Many First Mondays in May https://www.vogue.com/article/met-gala-themes

Only at the Met: An Oral History of the World’s Most Glamorous Gala https://www.vogue.com/article/the-complete-met-gala-oral-history

See the Costume Institute’s New (Though Postponed) Show About Time https://www.vogue.com/article/costume-institute-about-time-preview

The Most Unforgettable Met Gala Beauty Looks—According to the Hair and Makeup Artists Behind Them.                             https://www.vogue.com/article/met-gala-makeup-artists-hair-stylists-instagram

Naomi Campbell Breaks Down 30 Years’ Worth of Met Gala Magic https://www.vogue.com/article/naomi-campbell-life-in-looks-met-gala-video

A Look Back at a Decade of Stunning Met Gala Interiors https://www.vogue.com/slideshow/a-look-back-at-a-decade-of-stunning-met-gala-interiors

Sarah Jessica Parker Shares a Playlist Inspired by the Met Gala Theme ‘About Time: Fashion and Duration’                              https://www.vogue.com/article/sarah-jessica-parker-met-gala-about-time-playlist

[ruairidhwrites]

WOAH this rp looks badass. I’ll take lurking for 9000 please alex.

OOC INTRODUCTION.

yo rp nerds I’m Ro! I’m a film student, writer/director/art-nerd in Vancouver, Canada. I’ve been RPing for probably 12 years or so, on tumblr RP since about 2010 and have run a few of my own rps over the course of 5 or so years!

CURRENT NETFLIX WATCH LIST.

oh man there are so many on my TO watch list but starting new shows is like a huge commitment for me okay and it gives me anxiety! Currently i managed to get through most of Riverdale (it was okay but lbr i survived it for Jughead). And I’m watching the Office all the way through for the time being bc it’s easily digestible and i’ve never seen it beginning to end. I binge watched Girl Boss like no tomorrow and immmm wanting to get through a million others, but ya know. Things. 

FAVORITE SPY MEDIA.

Oh shit uhhhh okay who DOESN’T love the Bourne movies though. And True Lies is a CLASSIC OKay but Kingsman if that counts as spy, is way up there at the top for me. I’M SO EXCITED FOR THE SECOND ONE. literally aldkjaldfkj

FAVORITE FACECLAIMS.

shit omg so many. Ash Stymest, Daniel Sharman, Bill Skarsgard, Jamie Campbell Bower, Dylan O’Brien, Ezra Miller, Cole Mohr, Dane Dehaan, Zoe Kravitz, Rashida Jones, Dev Patel, Logan Lerman, Ksenia Solo,  Dane Dehaan, Samira Wiley, Godfrey Gao, Taron Egerton, Aaron Tveit, Tatiana Maslany okay STOP ME STOP ME before i lose control.

FAVORITE ARCHETYPES.

Oooh hahah I’m a sucker for the cocky assholes who are hard on the outside but dying slow deaths on the insides. Love me some tats and sarcasm and general lovable prat-ish-ness.

FAVORITE MUSIC TO WRITE TO?

I tend to write to like, movie soundtrack playlists on 8trakcs but it totally depends on the character/mood!

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO AT HUDSON?

Uhhmmm!! So many plot opportunities, and the training setting makes it easy/accessible for characters to be thrown together. I’ve also been mega in the mood for more ‘real world’ stuff, even though i love sci fi shit, so even though this is like ~extreme secret second life~ it’s not supernatural or post apoc and that really appeals to me write now! Also i love bio RPs. Like I love OCs, but hell yes hit me with some well written premades and I just sink right in!!

[chpkns]

BEST ALBUMS 2018

Ok here we go again for 2018, shall we?

Hon. Mentions: Negro Swan - Blood Orange; Singularity - Jon Hopkins; Elsewhere - Ryan Hemsworth; Scorpion - Drake; Diplomatic Ties - The Diplomats; Some Rap Songs - Earl Sweatshirt; FM! - Vince Staples; Rally Cry - Arkells; I’m All Ears - Let’s Eat Grandma; Be The Cowboy - Mitski; Kamikaze - Eminem; Ye - Kanye West; KIDS SEE GHOSTS - Kanye West and Kid Cudi; Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino - Arctic Monkeys; Black Panther: The Album - Kendrick Lamar, et al; KOD - J. Cole; Culture II - Migos; Hive Mind - The Internet; God’s Favorite Customer - Father John Misty; Blood - Rhye; Both Ways - Donovan Woods; Songs of the Plains - Colter Wall

10) Swimming - Mac Miller

This one was tough. Malcolm James McCormick’s fifth studio album was barely out three months before he left us. It’s hard to evaluate Swimming in isolation of Miller’s untimely death at age 26. Especially since, in my mind, the album represents something of a turning point for the former frat rapper. Recorded in the wake of Miller’s high profile breakup with Ariana Grande and in the midst of public struggles with addiction, Swimming is full of heartache and soul bearing self-reflection. Sonically, Mac’s airy raps and crooning vocals float over jazzy beats and orchestral accompaniments, with help from Thundercat and Dev Hynes. There’s room for fun as well amid the melancholy - the more upbeat Ladders and What’s the Use? are sure enough to keep a dance floor moving. The worst thing about Swimming is really how good it is, and how it felt like Mac Miller was on the cusp on something great we’ll now never see. 

Highlights: Self Care, What’s The Use?, 2009, Ladders

9) QUARTERTHING - Joey Purp

Chance the Rapper’s Savemoney compatriot Joey Purp is like a breath of fresh air. QUARTERTHING’s 14 tracks, most clocking in at under 3 minutes, come fast and furious like Purp’s (mostly) un-autotuned flow. Joey’s full throated, almost Meek-Mill-esque, delivery gives the album a mixtape-like authenticity - notwithstanding the varied and expert production from the likes of RZA, Knox Fortune and frequent Chance collaborator Nate Fox. The opening 24k Gold/Sanctified, and Hallelujah just two tracks later, feel downright celebratory pairing Purp’s flow behind a blaring big band sound. Others, like Look At My Wrist and Paint Thinner, are Chicago Drill and house inspired, feeling like they’d be right at home in a sweaty club basement. Lyrically, Purp is a classic hip-hop storyteller and street documentarian, drawing from experiences in a former life selling drugs and the violence of his home city. This impressive studio album debut is more than enough to solidify Joey Purp’s place among an exciting new generation of Chicago rappers.

Highlights: 24k Gold/Sanctified (ft. Ravyn Lenae & Jack Red), Godbody (ft. RZA) [Pt. 2], Hallelujah, Look At My Wrist (ft. Cdot Honcho), Karl Malone

8) Golden Hour - Kacey Musgraves

Kacey Musgraves is clearly in the pantheon of artists that can’t release an album without it making this list (I rated Pageant Material #8 in 2015 and Same Trailer, Different Park #9 in 2013... both criminally underrated in retrospect). Musgraves continued to be a revelation with her third album. There was a great Ezra Koenig quote last year, where he talked about seeing Musgraves’ concert and being inspired by the clarity of her music: “from the first verse, you knew who was singing, who they were singing to, what kind of situation they were in”. On Golden Hour, she maintains that clarity, stretching a little more outside the traditional country sound into pop and disco-inspired melodies. I do miss the dry humour and rebellious spirit of the previous two Musgraves outings, I’ll admit. You won’t find any overt weed references here, but Kacey finds plenty of ways to remind us how few fucks she gives about the Nashville country establishment. Golden Hour also shows off some of Musgraves’ strongest songwriting to date - the sprawling Space Cowboy stands out as one of the best singles of the year in any genre. I’m probably in the minority in thinking Golden Hour is not my favourite Kacey Musgraves album, but it’s still one of my favourite albums of 2018.

Highlights: Slow Burn, Space Cowboy, High Horse, Love is a Wild Thing

7) Lush - Snail Mail

It’s about to become clear that there is a “women in indie rock” movement happening on this year’s list. The debut album from 18 year old singer-songwriter Lindsey Jordan is one of the most aptly titled records of 2018. Lush’s indie rock soundscapes are just that. Loud, full and richly textured. Jordan’s crystal clear vocals soar and float above her ringing guitar chords and riffs. The songwriting is perhaps what you’d expect from an 18 year old, full of heartbreak, confusion and teen angst. She does it well though. As the first chorus builds on Heat Wave, Jordan’s voice builds: “And I hope whoever it is Holds their breath around you, 'Cause I know I did”. The album’s standout track for me is Full Control which crescendos to a refrain of: “I'm in full control, I'm not lost, Even when it's love, Even when it's not.” At the same time, Lush exudes a maturity and a nostalgia that hearkens back to Snail Mail’s spiritual predecessors like Cat Power or Fiona Apple. Snail Mail was one of many reasons that 2018 gave me hope that there’s a future for indie rock and “guitar music” generally. I’m very much looking forward to seeing what’s next.

Highlights: Pristine, Full Control, Deep Sea, Heat Wave

6) boygenius EP - boygenius

The only thing that ever held me back from including boygenius on this list was my long held view that “an EP is not an album”. Well, since Kanye decided that 7 songs can be an “album” why not 6? Any album that has 6 songs as good as the 6 on boygenius EP would make this list! boygenius is the indie “supergroup” made up of Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus and the holder of last year’s #3 album on this list, Julien Baker - all accomplished solo acts in their own right. Predictably, the whole is something greater than the sum of its parts. boygenius EP’s six songs are a tour de force amalgam of indie, country and folk (owing to the band’s cross-genre Nashville and Viriginia roots) full of raw emotion and grit. Dacus, Bridgers and Baker seem made to perform, and sing, together. The harmonies on this record make boygenius sound like an indie rock iteration of Destiny’s Child or an edgier, less twangy version of the Dixie Chicks. The songs do not hold back, with high highs and low lows. On Me & My Dog, the soaring chorus evokes an escapist dream: “I wish I was on a spaceship, Just me and my dog and an impossible view”. The emotional highpoint of the record might be Baker and Bridgers’ chorus on Salt in the Wound apexing with: “I’m gnashing my teeth, Like a child of Cain, If this is a prison I’m willing to buy my own chain”. I can’t stop watching live videos of these three - they seem so at home onstage together. As excited as I’d be to see boygenius become more than a side project, I’m equally excited to see what’s next for Bridgers, Dacus and Baker on their own.

Highlights: Me & My Dog, Stay Down, Salt In the Wound, Ketchum ID

5) DAYTONA - Pusha T

YUGH! Amid Kanye’s unhinged tweets, messy, disorganized projects, and Oval Office visits, DAYTONA, the 7 track album he entirely produced for G.O.O.D. Music veteran Pusha T, was one thing that gave us hope that Kanye hadn’t completely lost his touch (or his mind) in 2018. DAYTONA showcases both producer Kanye and King Push at the absolute peak of their talents. It’s amazing, in this era of Xanax-fuelled mumblerap, to think how long we’ve been listening to Kanye and Push do their thing. Lord Willin’ introduced the world to Pusha T in 2002 (alongside his brother Malice, as he then was, as the iconic rap duo Clipse). The College Dropout came out two years later. I still remember buying the CDs and wearing out my discman with both of them. It’s easy to forget that Kanye and Terrence “King Push” Thornton are both 41 years old! There’s something refreshing about two guys in their forties still being able to make a banging rap record about selling drugs and buying expensive shit. Push said DAYTONA was made “for my family...high taste level, luxury, drug raps fans.”  Those fans are well served by DAYTONA. After the beat comes in on album opener If You Know You Know, Push sounds like he’s speaking directly to his day one fans, raising a styrofoam cup to: “This thing of ours, oh, this thing of ours”. The album exudes the bravado of an MC on top of his game confident in the knowledge that he’s spitting bars on a classic. And we can’t forget the incendiary Infrared, the song that touched off a vicious beef between Pusha T and rap’s biggest star, Drake, ending after Push revealed in a diss track that Drake was hiding his son from the world. Almost 20 years on, Pusha T is still ready to go war, still “clickin’ like Golden State” and still wearing the crown as King Push. Long may he reign.

Highlights: If You Know You Know, The Games We Play, Hard Piano (ft. Rick Ross), Infrared

4) Honey - Robyn

I found myself slightly disappointed in Honey at first, largely because my expectations for Robyn’s first album in eight years were based on the high energy electro-pop brilliance of 2010′s Body Talk. What I should have realized is that, if Robyn were going to make another Body Talk, she wouldn’t have kept us waiting this long. Honey is not Body Talk - you won’t find another Call Your Girlfriend or Dancing on My Own among its nine silky smooth tracks. But it is no less brilliant. If I can forget that Beach2k20 exists for a second, it feels pretty darn close to a perfect album. Honey betrays a lighter touch for Robyn, perhaps more in tune with the sound of the moment. A little more euro house and disco tinged, Honey furthers the Swedish songstress’s long evolution away from the pop idol of her late 90′s past. Honey still embodies Robyn’s signature juxtaposition of electronic dance rhythms alongside themes of sadness, loneliness and heartbreak. And songs like Honey and Missing U can still light up any dancefloor. The highlight for me is the slow-building Send to Robin Immediately, which just swells over its Lil Louis sample as Robyn urges the listener into action: “If you got something to say, say it right away. If you got something to do, do what's right for you. If you got somebody to love, give that love today. Know you got nothing to lose, there's no time to waste”. In between albums, and while writing Honey, Robyn lived through the death of a longtime collaborator and a breakup and reunion with a romantic partner. The emotional toll of these experiences seem to shine through. Robyn told the BBC’s Annie Mac earlier this year: “When I wrote this album I think I was quite tired of myself writing sad love songs, but I did anyway and looking back on that now, I think it's OK for things to be sad. Combining it with something that's bright and strong and powerful is a way of finding your way out of the sadness.” 

Highlights: Missing U, Human Being (ft. Zhala), Send to Robin Immediately, Honey

3) Clean - Soccer Mommy

Clean, the impressive debut album from 20 year old Nashville singer-songwriter Sophie Allison, was the first album I heard this year that I 100% knew would be on this list. By the time Your Dog hits at the third track, I was completely enthralled. That song is so goddamn rock and roll with Allison sparing no mercy for the subject shitty boyfriend of the opening verse: “I don't wanna be your fucking dog, That you drag around, A collar on my neck tied to a pole, Leave me in the freezing cold”. Elsewhere, on Still Clean, Allison plays with gruesome animalistic imagery singing of an ex-lover picking her “out your bloody teeth”. There is a warmer side to Clean as well. Scorpio Rising, with it’s “bubbly and sweet like Coca-Cola” softness and lyrics about meeting up after dark and missed calls from your mother definitely remind you that Allison is a self-professed devotee of Taylor Swift’s early work (which should give you another idea of why I love this album). Speaking of T-Swift, the rollicking Last Girl almost mirrors You Belong With Me in describing the crushing insecurity of comparing oneself to a new partner’s ex, somehow pulling off lyrics like “I want to be like your last girl, She's the sun in your cold world and, I am just a dying flower, I don't hold the summer in my eyes” as if that were a totally normal thing to say. Beneath the upbeat riff of Cool, where Allison idolizes the cool girl “with a heart of coal, She’ll break you down and eat you whole” is the understanding that being that person won’t bring her the happiness she seeks. Acceptance of one’s emotions and insecurities is the core theme of Clean - that “You gon’ be like that” (as Allison put it to the Fader) and you’ll be happier once you accept you for you. In many ways, Clean evokes a similar vibe to the Snail Mail and boygenius entries further up this year’s list, as a scrappy “girl with a guitar” indie record and a tongue-in-cheek stage name. That sense of charming honesty is what, I think, makes Clean stand above the other entries on this list.

Highlights: Cool, Your Dog, Last Girl, Scorpio Rising

2) Lamp Lit Prose - Dirty Projectors

The first of our top two is another repeat offender on this list (a previous incarnation of the Projectors’ Swing Lo Magellan had #7 back in 2012 and last year’s eponymous Dirty Projectors was my 2017 #8). I loved every minute of Lamp Lit Prose - it’s almost a 1B for me on this list and was pencilled in at 1 for a time in the drafting process. This album has everything that was good about last year’s DPs record but is, ultimately, tighter, more fun, less weird and less sad. Dave Longstreth appears to have moved on (at least musically) from the emotions he was working through on Dirty Projectors, which was essentially an extended meditation on the breakup of his relationship with Amber Coffman and the band’s upheaval. With Lamp Lit Prose, his “new look” Dirty Projectors (with help from friends like Syd, Rostam and HAIM) have put together something a little more traditional (by Dirty Projectors standards) and a lot more listenable. Longstreth told Exclaim that this album, compared its morose predecessor, “is really about feeling hope again, finding the things that give us hope, that make us feel optimistic and joyful.” Lamp Lit Prose falls somewhere between the twangly, jam band atmosphere of the Projector’s Swing Lo Magellan and Bitte Orca heyday and the more experimental, electronic-infused vibe of the Dirty Projectors released 18 months prior. Longstreth’s guitar riffs are again front and centre, but the voice modulation and distorted electronic sounds are still there, albeit in a more subtle way. Four part harmonies bounce over the jazzy melodies and hopeful lyrics. Where he was mourning a lost love on the last record, here we see Longstreth “in love for the first time ever” on I Found It In U (a salvaged beat from his work on Solange’s last album). On Break Thru, the un-named romantic subject is held up as “an epiphany” with comparisons in quick succession to Archimedes, Fellini and Julian Casablancas. The horn-backed chorus on What Is The Time is the high point of the record for me - the kind of song that makes you want to raise your voice and join in on the hook. All in all, it’s just great to hear this band making fun music again. Lamp Lit Prose is upbeat, creative and simply a joy to listen to. I absolutely loved this album... but just not quite enough to edge out our number 1.

Highlights: Break-Thru, That’s a Lifestyle, I Found It In U, What Is The Time

1) ASTROWORLD - Travis Scott

IT’S LIT!!! I would have never predicted that a Travis Scott album would land here at number 1, but here we are. And I feel good about it. ASTROWORLD dominated my listening from its mid-summer release onward and, with each spin, I became increasingly convinced of its greatness. Travis is an artist that I’ve long found perplexing. Insanely popular among his legions of young fans, he embodies so much of the “new rap” ethos, the first genre of music where I’ve started to feel like I might be ‘too old’ to enjoy it. It was clear on his prior outings, Rodeo and Birds in the Trap Sing McKnight, that the talent and creativity was there, but the overall product always seemed messy, disorganized, unpolished. With ASTROWORLD, Scott finally has made his Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. The album is named for a former Six Flags theme park in Scott’s hometown of Houston that was torn down a decade ago and still sits vacant. Previewing the title of the album, Scott told GQ last year: "They tore down AstroWorld to build more apartment space. That's what it's going to sound like, like taking an amusement park away from kids. We want it back. We want the building back. That's why I'm doing it. It took the fun out of the city." True to his word, the album’s 17 tracks are tied together by an overarching creepy, grimy sound. Listening to ASTROWORLD feels like walking through an abandoned theme park. Even more impressive is how Travis, as curator of the album’s varied guest list, bends the star studded guest appearances to his will, fitting them in perfectly to his dank sonic menagerie. The likes of Frank Ocean, the Weeknd, Swae Lee, Tame Impala and James Blake don’t overpower Scott’s vision but blend into the scenery, their talents employed perfectly by Travis in the role of ringmaster. Newcomers get some shine too, like Scott’s Cactus Jack labelmate Sheck Wes who gets a guest verse on NO BYSTANDERS and a shoutout to his ubiquitous single from Travis on 5% TINT: “We did some things out on the ways that we can't speak, All I know it was "Mo Bamba" on repeat”. And then, there’s SICKO MODE. Why is it that the best Drake song each year invariably comes from someone else’s album, even in a year where Drizzy himself releases a double album? The ASTROWORLD track list, at least initially, left out the featured artists, so hearing Drake’s voice over the opening notes of the album’s third track was the first time most listeners had any indication that the 6ixgod himself would be making an appearance. What a wonderful surprise it turns out to be. SICKO MODE, the album’s best track, feels like three or four different songs as the beat changes form and Travis and Drake pass the mic back and forth. The song’s Tay Keith produced final act (the “out like a light” part) is for my money the best two minutes of hip hop music made in 2018. ASTROWORLD succeeds on its grandeur, vision and consistency. Travis Scott set out to build something big and from the moment the bass kicks in on STARGAZING through to the mellow, string backed denouement of COFFEE BEAN, he succeeds at every turn. ASTROWORLD was 2018′s biggest, most creative, most sonically consistent and most fun album in hip-hop. In my estimation, it’s the best album of the year.

Highlights: STARGAZING, CAROUSEL (ft. Frank Ocean), SICKO MODE (ft. Drake, Swae Lee and Big Hawk), WAKE UP (ft. The Weeknd), CAN’T SAY (ft. Don Toliver)

That’s all folks. Thanks for reading and see ya in 2019.

[thegloober]

Ezra Miller Fiercely Defends Gay Dumbledore in ‘Fantastic Beasts 2’

The second film in J.K. Rowling’s Fantastic Beasts series has been dogged by two different controversies: Dumbledore’s sexuality and the decision to cast and keep Johnny Depp in the films. J.K. Rowling revealed that Dumbledore was gay in 2007 months after Deathly Hallows was published. Some fans are still angry that Rowling decided to make Dumbledore gay retroactively and now in the new series of films, they don’t think he’s explicitly gay. Ezra Miller, who plays Credence, stepped up to Rowling’s defense in an interview with Total Film.

“It’s a funny idea to me that every form of representation has to look the same,” Miller told Total Film. “For me, personally, I find Dumbledore’s queerness extremely explicit in this film. I mean, all around. He sees Grindelwald, his young lover who’s the love of his life; he sees him in the Mirror of Erised. What does the Mirror of Erised show you? Nothing more than the most desperate desire of your heart. If that’s not explicitly gay, I don’t know what is.”

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The clip Miller is referring to appeared in the final trailer for the film, but fans still didn’t think it went far enough. It’s just one month away from the film’s release and it seems like the Internet has judged it already. Miller has something to say about that.

“Why don’t you wait until you see the film before you start talking shit on Twitter?” Miller said. “Or wait to make up your own mind about something for once in your life. Do your own research. Make up your own mind. Follow your heart, and really, really investigate situations before you identify yourself and pick a side, and start throwing things at the opposition. Because that’s what’s totally screwing everything up right now. And it polarizes us. We’re all human, and there’s a lot of things we can agree on.”

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Regardless of how this film is received by fans, there are three more coming. The Fantastic Beasts series has five films in total. In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly, Rowling said that she had the entire Fantastic Beasts series planned out.

“As with the Harry Potter books, it is all mapped out,” Rowling said. “In fact, when we announced the five films, I talked about that. It’s always possible that some details will change along the way, but the arc of the story is there. It’s been an amazing opportunity to tell parts of the backstory that never made it into the original books. I’m thinking particularly of one character that I think fans will be surprised to meet in this movie.”

The author and screenwriter hinted that she wants to move the action outside of North America and Europe at some point in the series. This makes sense because in Pottermore, Rowling’s wizarding world website, she has pages for the wizarding schools in Asia, South America and Africa.

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Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald is all about Paris though. We’ll have to follow Miller’s advice and wait until November 16 to see where the series leads.

Source: https://bloghyped.com/ezra-miller-fiercely-defends-gay-dumbledore-in-fantastic-beasts-2/

[downinfront]

The DC Extended Universe is in rebuild mode, and “Justice League” is the first step

In all of sports, there are few terms more loaded than “rebuild.” That’s the euphemism given when a team finds itself mired in mediocrity and decides to pivot away from a win-now mentality, dumping its resources instead into the prospect of winning later. To do that, they’ll usually dump a lot of their tenured veterans in order to free up money, then draft and develop young talent that can provide the core of a contender in a few seasons’ time. The Houston Astros just did it; the Los Angeles Lakers are in the middle of it; the New York Giants are about to do it and the Cleveland Browns have been attempting to do it for what seems like 20 years now. It’s a unique combination of white flag and hopeful eye towards the horizon: We suck now, but we’ll be back in the saddle a couple years down the line.

That’s the DC Extended Universe, and truth be told it has been for a while. The comic-book giant boasts two of the mightiest IPs in the world — Batman and Superman — but its attempt to build a counterpart to Marvel’s bulletproof Cinematic Universe has been a creaky, accursed enterprise since it launched in 2013 with Man of Steel. Under the creative auspices of Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen), DC attempted to shy away from Marvel’s zippy, quippy, made-for-mass consumption franchise machine by grinding out lengthy, humorless epics about gods and men. It wasn’t the worst idea int he world at the time — coming off of Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy, the market was still ripe for “gritty” superheroes — but returns on these modern-day tomes have been increasingly diminishing, from the thunderous nonsense of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice to the bullet-ridden vomitorium of Suicide Squad. (There was, as we know, one glorious exception, which we’ll get to momentarily.) Justice League, the long-awaited culmination of DC’s first wave of movies, doesn’t exactly reverse the trend — it’s fun, both because of and despite how much of a mess it is — but it does contain some long-awaited signs of hope that the franchise is finally willing to throw its original plan out the window and start from scratch.

For one, there’s not a lot of Zack Snyder to be found in this movie, even though he’s technically credited as director. A gifted adapter with a near-unparalleled visual palette, Snyder’s singular vision for the DC Universe certainly provided a viable-on-paper alternative to Marvel’s product, but his two movies — 2013’s Man of Steel and 2016’s Batman v Superman — simply weren’t good enough to pass muster. That his fingerprints have been all but excised from this one is due to some truly horrifying circumstances: The death of Snyder’s daughter forced him to step away from Justice League, and Joss Whedon (The Avengers) took over for writing and directing the reshoots. And this wasn’t some second-unit formality, either: Whedon did enough to get the second script credit after Chris Terrio, and even though Snyder is the only credited director, Justice League feels very much like Whedon’s film. This is occasionally for the worse — he lacks Snyder’s gift for sumptuous visuals and his attempts to replicate them are middling — but even as the stitches show on the movie, Whedon brings out a lighter, funnier side of the characters that Snyder seemed genetically incapable of delivering. He does so by moving the majority of the film away from its hoo-ha of a plot and its two biggest anchors, focusing instead on the four backups who all prove to be infinitely more interesting.

Whether this finally means the end of the great Batfleck experiment remains to be seen — the top-billed star still seems somewhat disinterested here, but he fares better than Batman v Superman because he’s given a bit more to play — but the shift in focus does provide ample opportunity for Gal Gadot to continue on her star turn from Wonder Woman. A utility player brought in from the Fast & Furious franchise to play sixth man in Batman v Superman, Patty Jenkins’ megahit from the summer turned Gadot into a megastar and a feminist icon. Less than two years from starring in B-rate action comedies, Gadot now has the kind of box office pull and cultural cache that hasn’t been seen in a long time. Whedon, who made his name in part on Strong Female Characters, knows he’s got the biggest one in decades on his hands, so it’s surely no accident that Wonder Woman gets most of the best scenes here. One minute she’s slicing and dicing through a horde of malevolent bug men, the next she’s slugging a dickish Master Wayne in the sternum so hard he goes flying across the room. It’s to Affleck’s credit that he seems to be having fun even as his minutes decrease, but it’s the movie that reaps the benefits of the change under center.

Flanking Gadot are a trio of greenhorns who give the movie a jolt of energy each time the plot starts to sag, which, given that this movie has a terrible plot, is often. As The Flash, Ezra Miller is wide-eyed, scared shitless (the bit about how he’s never fought anyone is great) and ultimately thrilled to be there. He’s a caffeinated mix of earnestness and annoyance, and if he were ten years younger Marvel would have scooped him up to be Spider-Man. Jason Momoa reimagines the oft-maligned Aquaman as a hard-drinking swingin’ dick with mommy issues; he’s not around to do much besides slug back whiskey and make fun of Batman’s getup, but you get the sense that the Game of Thrones veteran might have finally found a role worthy of his online reputation. And, as Cyborg, Ray Fisher gets an intriguing, Frankenstinian backstory — he’s a prodigy reborn as a machine with a tenuous grip on his humanity— which he plays with a muted resignation that occasionally spills over into outright panic each time his transformation leaps forward. 

Either Whedon recognizes what he has here or realizes he’s got a lot of makeup work to do to give the team the same care he afforded to the Avengers. Either way, he cannily works in a series of scenes with each of these characters that don’t do much to advance the story, but give the actors something to play, the audience something to connect with, and the movie to boast in the way of genuine enjoyment. The most affecting of these is a heart-to-heart between The Flash and Cyborg as they exhume Superman (Henry Cavill) from his grave; the funniest is a scene when Aquaman accidentally sits on Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth and tells his new teammates what he really thinks about all of them.

Between those charming non-sequiteurs and his low-key Twitter shade to the movie’s villain, you get the sense Whedon couldn’t give a shit less about Justice League’s plot. But as a previous franchise steward, he knows that no matter his misgivings, he’s got to both deliver a decent movie and right the ship as best he can. There have been way too many missteps on DC’s part for one movie to correct, but it helps that Whedon has a good sense of where to patch the holes. So, he wisely builds upon what worked in the previous films while minimizing what didn’t (Jeremy Irons’ Alfred gets more scenes; Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor gets less) and even manages to offer some much-needed rehabilitation to their original leading man once Superman is inevitably resurrected.

The question of what to do with the white-bread Man of Steel has been bugging the movies for a while, and while Snyder’s gritty approach was certainly a novel concept, it seems now like the wrong idea at the right time. Cavill cut an imposing presence, but his Kal-El was a morose, occasionally misanthropic demigod who wasn’t afforded the slightest bit of levity even as the adorkable Clark Kent. The man playing him has as much matinee-idol charm as you could want in an actor — The Man From U.N.C.L.E. isn’t quite as good as people online think, but Cavill is a Movie Star in it — but he wasn’t allowed to be half as charming as Christopher Reeve or even Brandon Routh. (Who, as a side note,  rebuilt himself as an MVP of DC’s TV universe playing The Atom on Legends of Tomorrow — it’s a fun show and he’s great in it.) Justice League fixes that, giving the Last Son of Krypton a complete personality change once the team brings him back from the dead. It’s not enough to entirely rehabilitate the character, and Cavill is still oddly humorless in the role, but as the fun mid-credits scene with The Flash shows, even a little bit of awkward goofiness goes a long way.

There are more signs of a rebuild outside the movie as well, all of which are harbingers of positive change down the line. Affleck was brought in as a top-flight star to anchor the franchise, but rumors have swirled for a while now that he wants out. Matt Reeves, who’ll write and direct the upcoming The Batman, supposedly has his eye on a replacement already. The upcoming Flash solo movie will reportedly adapt the reality-meddling Flashpoint arc, potentially giving DC the opportunity to make a trade. Coming out of Suicide Squad, Margot Robbie’s Harley Quinn is rumored to be returning in a movie about Gotham City’s villainesses, while the horror/action stylist James Wan (The Conjuring, Furious 7) will tackle the Aquaman solo movie for next year. There’s also the rumors of a set of movies outside the Justice League continuity, both giving DC a chance to adapt its entire Multiverse and start fresh with the characters its already bungled in the runup to Justice League. Jared Leto’s much-maligned Joker might already be getting subbed out for Leonardo DiCaprio in just such a movie.

Of course, there is the lingering doubt that all these efforts may be too little, too late. Generally speaking, rebuild is an exercise in hope, but it’s also a test of fans’ faith in the franchise. Despite a weird Rotten Tomatoes embargo that held off mass consensus for an extra day or two, Justice League was still subjected to a drubbing that muted enthusiasm to a disheartening degree. Box office returns for the first weekend topped out at around $94 million, which is almost unthinkable for a tentpole featuring the two biggest superheroes of all time and a glass-ceiling smashing movie star. Any staying power this movie has will be on word of mouth alone, and while it’s certainly entertaining in a disheveled kind of way, there simply might not be enough there there to warrant two hours and $20 at the multiplex.

It’ll probably do well on cable and Blu-Ray, which feels appropriate and, to a degree, necessary. The DCEU experiment has been steadily building to at least one outright failure, which is always the catalyst for any rebuild. Watching Justice League, it’s hard not to get the sense everybody saw the L coming and decided to shore up the ranks for next season. That’s sort of optimistic in and of itself, and while saying the movie delivers on the meagerest of promises is damning praise, it’s praise nonetheless and a positive notion of things to come. The night has been dark, but the dawn might finally be on the horizon.