#like i genuinely have no desire to watch it out of spite at this point

[lyriumsings]

there are no words for how hard i hope the flash tanks i hope it tanks harder than shazam 2 i hope it makes morbius look like a blockbuster

[secriden]

Wild take, but when Style says, "It's okay to love," I really don't think it's actually about love at all.

Let's consider the context leading up to this point: Fadel drives Style to an abandoned factory in the woods and leaves him alone to go and brood for a while. At least part of Fadel's goal is to scare Style, to give him a hint that Fadel is more dangerous than he seems.

But Style doesn't back down, doesn't go running, evidences no sense of self-preservation or worry; and at least on some level it's a clear sign that he trusts Fadel. Despite Fadel literally punching him in the stomach; despite Fadel mocking Style's honest and wanton desire; despite Fadel chasing him away, he still trusts Fadel to keep him safe.

Imagine how frustrated Fadel must be feeling. Style was only gone for one morning, but it was enough for Fadel to become painfully aware that he did not actually want Style gone from his life. He knows now that he won't have the strength to keep refusing Style's relentless pursuit, so he needs Style to be the one to walk away from him instead.

And I think this was a final, last-ditch attempt to make Style run away.

Notice that Fadel starts out rather threatening: "I don't like you messing up my life. My life has been planned out. You're disrupting it." At this point, Fadel could have still turned this violent; attack Style and leave him injured in an abandoned warehouse, and I'm not sure that wasn't still on Fadel's mind at this point. He's incredibly aggressive at first: shoving Style back against the bar, caging Style in between his rigid arms, rattling the metal frame behind Style to show his anger.

But oh, in the heat of the moment, the truth slips out. Fadel is admitting that Style has the power to bring change into his highly regimented and structured life. He's admitting that his desire to keep Style in his life has eclipsed his need for control and structure, in spite of himself.

The truth breaks Fadel open in ways that none of Style's machinations and schemes could. He finally recognises that it is his own feelings that are the true cause of his anger and frustration.

This is the point when Fadel finally gives up on the idea of hurting Style to chase him away. His voice softens (Joong's delivery of "I miss you" makes me weep), his shoulders finally relax, he stops caging Style against the bar and instead it's almost a tentative suggestion of a desire to hold Style.

And I think Style understood this on some instinctive level. Because if you watch Style very carefully, there's a moment of genuine fear when Fadel first shoves him against the bar and then he takes a grim breath like he's fighting off a sense of despair at the at the start of Fadel's rant. Like he could tell this one was going to be a 'make or break' kind of situation.

But when Fadel begins to unravel, when he admits that he was looking for Style when he was gone, there's this almost hopeful, anticipatory look that slowly blooms on Style's face. He's so hungry to see where this goes, and he's gets this intense almost wild look on his face when Fadel pauses to search for his words.

It's incredibly important that Style waited at this point. Style, who talks endlessly and without thought. Style, who demands that his story and his thoughts are aired first. Style, who has been telling Fadel this lie time and time again before Fadel’s feelings made it true... Stops. Waits. Stays silent. Because Fadel had to get there himself or not at all.

Dunk does something incredibly subtle here, but it blew me away: Style does not blink once throughout the entirety of Fadel's rant UNTIL he says "I don't like that I miss you". And that's when Style finally blinks as if it’s finally safe to take his eyes off Fadel. As if there's a wave of relief washing over him as the tension (and sense of danger) finally breaks.

He also does this incredible thing where he softens the look he's giving Fadel right before he drops his eyes down to Fadel's lips. (Joong has always been excellent at this, but Dunk didn’t really get that many opportunities to do this in previous roles). Style is treating this moment so carefully, and there's a purposefulness to this kiss that was entirely absent from the ones Style initiated in the locker room in episode 2.

I also think it's really important that Style was the one to kiss Fadel here. Not just because it juxtaposes the kiss in the store room, but also because Style has shown a strong preference for Fadel taking the initiative. He has been consistently creating opportunities for Fadel to lay hands on him, right from episode 1 when he put the Heart Burger pin on his chest and put his arms behind his head in welcome (and surrender).

But for this to be a functional relationship, Style has to take ownership of his own desire for Fadel. He cannot remain physically passive any longer, because this is the start of something bigger than just the thrill of being wanted. Style is looking beyond what he wants, potentially for the first time, to what his partner needs.

And I wonder, is this maybe the first time Fadel has allowed himself to be kissed since his ex left? There's something so fragile in the wide-shot. The way Fadel only has one hand barely touching Style's hip, while he's still got his other hand clenched tightly around the metal bar like he's desperately holding onto a lifeline. I have so many emotions about this.

Which is why I think this line wasn't really about love at all. This was Style responding to the vulnerability he sees in Fadel and offering reassurance in return. Because Fadel is strong and doesn't need protection, but oh yes he does, for it is his heart that is in danger of shattering.

There's an incredible line in episode 13 of Love In The Air, when Sky (in the aftermath of an extremely traumatic event and after finally revealing the full truth that he was sure would drive Prapai away) turns to Prapai and asks, "P'Pai, can I really love you?" Sky is asking if his fragile heart is really going to be safe in Prapai's hands.

And I think this is exactly what Style is getting at here: He's telling Fadel It's okay to love me. That Style is safe to love. That Fadel can take the risk to let Style into his heart because Style isn't going to take it lightly.

And it's this reassurance that finally allows Fadel to let go: both figuratively (as he starts to take control of the kiss and the encounter) and literally (as he transfers his hold from the metal bar to Style's body). Even the contrast in the wider shots between the kiss before Style says "It's okay to love" and after is startling.

This wasn't really a love confession, not in the conventional understanding of it. But for Fadel, who's mother "loves" Bison and himself for their utility and usefulness, perhaps the assurance of safety is more important.

And for Style, who seems so naive and inexperienced and ignorant of the way the world works in ways that suggest he's never truly had to grow up, this is far more significant. Because he's taking responsibility of someone else's heart for the first time in a way that I don't think he's ever allowed himself before. I said before that Style would be forced to grow up and I do believe this is what we are seeing here.

So no, I don't think this was the moment of "falling in love" but I do think this was the start of something real and meaningful and purposeful that could have eventually blossomed into love for the both of them.

[therainscene]

I've described myself in the past as "overly-queerbaited" as a way of explaining why it took me so long to come around to Byler endgame as a legitimate possibility... but that's kind of a misleading way of putting it.

Truth is, I've always been too much of a cynical fuck to fall for queerbait... or any other story that promises positive queer rep.

[Sherlock couldn't touch me; I saw this cringe homophobia coming from a mile away. Fans mistaking straight anxiety jokes for meaningful gay subtext was clearly doomed to end in mockery. Nobody deserved to be treated like that... but god, it was easy to predict.]

I think it's a symptom of having grown up under Section 28 -- feeling like I'm being unreasonable for wanting to see queerness normalized is such an ingrained habit that even today I instinctively recoil like a vampire touching sunlight whenever an optimistic queer story falls unrequested into my lap.

But I'm hardly alone in feeling this way -- many queer Millennial and Gen-X fans of Stranger Things are against the idea of Byler because it would ruin the catharsis of watching the gay boy growing up in the same era as we did slowly succumb to the same despair that we did.

[For those who haven't played the VR game: Vecna is speaking in this screenshot.]

There's genuine comfort to be found in painful stories -- this type of catharsis is practically the cornerstone of horror as a genre -- so I can't really fault myself or anyone else for wanting it, despite the obnoxious oversaturation of disappointing queer endings in media.

This is the nostalgia show, after all -- and like it or not, for many middle-aged queers in the target audience, nostalgia is shot through with the pain of homophobia and loneliness.

But do you know who else is a hurt queer(-coded) adult who resents happy endings? This cynical fuck:

Henry personifies despair and loneliness and the dark urge to take our pain out on others -- and when Will is in the picture, I would argue that he also represents internalized homophobia.

Will might represent who we were -- but Henry represents who we've let ourselves turn into.

And I don't think many of us want to admit to that, because that would involve questioning why we have so much in common with the literal villain of the show; why we're still so consumed with self-pity after 20+ years that we're obsessing over the fate of some kid.

I'm not suggesting that wanting a less-than-fairytale ending for a fictional gay boy is equivalent to being a child killer lol. It's perfectly valid to want to see your pain acknowledged, and stories which appeal to that desire deserve to exist.

But between Henry's connection to Will and the cycle of abuse themes of the show, it's clear that this particular story simply isn't about wallowing in the bleakness of growing up gay in the 80s, but about self-actualizing in spite of it all.

So I just can't bring myself to want a "relatable" ending for Will.

As much as I struggle to enjoy positive queer rep, I don't want to be so cynical. I'd thrown up so many walls to protect myself as a teenager that I forgot how desperately I wanted to see just one of those painful queer stories end on the same uplifting note that straight stories were always entitled to: with true love overcoming the odds, saving the day, and living happily ever after.

[But I'm A Cheerleader, a surprisingly fun movie about conversion therapy, is proof that stories like this did exist when I was a teen... but finding them in the pre- and early-internet days amidst so much censorship was a tall order.]

What makes Stranger Things different from most queer stories -- and what allowed it to pierce through my defenses and stab me in the gut -- is that it perfectly mimics those bleak, acceptable-to-the-censors stories from my youth -- only this time, the secret uplifting gay plot twist is real.

Not for the sake of shock value or of grabbing some empty woke points at the last second, but because the plan all along was to slap the audience in the face for believing homophobic lies about the existence of queer happiness.

That's some gourmet catharsis, if you ask me.

Just the possibility that my inner child might finally be vindicated has allowed me to truly let myself want the things I want for the first time in 20 years -- and that's the first step towards finally crawling back out into the sunlight.

Happy Pride Month, everyone. 🌈

[hellofeanor]

I know some people are upset about this, but

Adar had a complete and narratively satisfactory character arc and here's why.

(I'm saying "narratively satisfactory" because it satisfies his purpose in the narrative even if we think he deserved better.)

The two main problems I had with Adar's arc throughout most of S2 were as follows: his decisions to release Halbrand and then rabidly charge into Eregion after Sauron make no sense, and his character was inconsistent with what was established in S1. I complained about both of these things at length with people who were willing to listen, and some people who just smiled and nodded. But certain things in ep 6 made me start to rethink, one line in episode 7 really stood out, and the events of ep 8 put everything into perspective. So let's explore.

In 6, we have the scene of Adar and Galadriel speaking about Sauron. The major theme here is that he worms his way inside people's minds, insidiously exerting his will over them. Both characters at this point acknowledge this as fact. And in light of this revelation, Adar's "decision" to free Halbrand starts to make a little more sense. All it took was that one interaction for Sauron to get back inside Adar's mind and start influencing him again. There's no reason for Adar to do any of what he does in S2 unless he's under Sauron's control. Galadriel even says it herself: this is what Sauron wants. But Adar's mind and judgment are too clouded to see.

In 7, there's one critical line. "You think it was only you who put yourself in my power?" It's Annatar speaking to Celebrimbor, but he might as well be speaking to anybody here. It's pretty telling that this line shows up in most of the character-specific teasers, including Adar's.

Which brings us to 8, where everything comes together. Adar has Nenya, which has been shown to have healing powers, and a lot of people theorized that this might lead to him reverting back to an elven form. Which is exactly what happened. But the ring didn't only heal him physically.

Previously, we've seen Galadriel gain clarity of mind through Nenya: she better understands Sauron's ploy, and her part in it, and how she fell right into his trap. The exact same thing happens with Adar. When we first see him, crouching next to a rock, hiding his face, he's not just hiding his elven transformation. He looks like he's genuinely crushed. Not by seeing himself as an elf, but from the sudden ring-given clarity and the realization that he's been used by Sauron all along. His motivation and personality do a complete 180 here, and this isn't a plot hole or a contrivance. It's meant to show that the ring healed his mind as well as his body, shaking off Sauron's influence, and he's suddenly, for the first time all season, back to where he was at the end of S1. He's himself again. The searing desire to kill Sauron is gone, and he just wants to return to Mordor and build a home for his children.

He may have taken the ring because he thought it would help him kill Sauron, but in the end, it just helps him come to his senses.

Unfortunately for him, his actions can't be undone, and by sending the uruk to war, he's put them, as Annatar says 'under my control'. The minute Annatar asks Glûg what his name is, and Glûg falters in killing him, it's over. Sauron has control of the uruk again. He's wormed his way in. How do we know this for sure?

Adar's children wouldn't have set up that elaborate ruse to assassinate him. If this were all their doing, they would have just stabbed him and been done with it. The foreshadowing all season hints that Glûg may disagree with Adar's orders, but probably would never have done anything about it without a strong push from Sauron. The scheme was all Sauron and Sauron's control. Sauron orchestrates Adar's death in the exact same way Adar killed Sauron in ep 1, specifically out of spite. Sauron even appears to watch Adar's final moments: he wants Adar to know.

Is it a shitty way to die? Yes.

Is it a shitty plot twist undeserved out of nowhere? No, because the entire season has been setting us up for this moment. Hell, even some pieces in S1 have been setting us up for this moment. Halbrand could have killed Adar way back when, but at some point must have decided that Adar was more useful alive for a while longer, and a more elaborate form of revenge was in order. Sauron gains control of Adar and uses him as a puppet warlord against the elves while at the same time setting Adar up for the ultimate betrayal at the hands of his own children once he's no longer useful.

I actually love this. It's a horrible way to go, and I'm sad to see the end of this character, but it's a complete arc for him and makes sense within the narrative. It doesn't feel cheap or undeserved or at all surprising to me. It's sad, but satisfying.

RIP Adar, you will be missed. But at least you died... uh... feeling betrayed by your own kind as a result of your own actions that you realized too late were orchestrated by the guy you hate most. And if that isn't top tier tragedy, I don't know what is.

[merrilark]

Okay. So, thoughts/critique about Sonic 3:

First of all, this isn't me saying I didn't love it. I enjoyed it a lot and think it's a huge improvement on the last two in many ways. The game references, the music, even some of the comedic bits were great, and it was all-around just a really fun time. I would watch it again and really hope to get it on DVD at some point.

My primary issue--as an annoying Shadow fan since I first played SA2:B when I was 10--is how Maria, Shadow, Gerald, and GUN were handled.

Spoilers below the cut.

I think, really genuinely, they should have shot that 12 year old girl.

We're supposed to dislike and be wary of, if not hate, GUN. They're a parody of the military (particularly the US military), and their whole purpose in SA2 was to be a fumbling but frightening antagonistic force that put saving face over the safety of the people they're meant to protect. They try to frame Sonic for Shadow's crimes because the government wanted a scapegoat and didn't want to risk it coming out about the debacle on ARK. Shadow was created to cure Maria, yes, but he's also a weapon, which GUN funded. GUN created their own problems and decided to take out that problem by massacring everyone on ARK, including an ill child, because they preferred covering their hands in blood than taking a fall and admitting they might have screwed up with Project: Shadow. Never mind that Maria also had NIDS, which is kind of the Sonic universe's version of AIDS, and all the commentary that holds, intentional or not.

But the film waters it down by not only not really acknowledging that Maria is sick (?? unless I missed that, but. there just feels no reason for Maria to be in this base, which isn't even in space), and having her death be an accident rather than GUN's orders. Yes, it's still a GUN soldier's fault, and yes, there is a line that essentially says he's cool with shooting a kid because he's "following orders", but he's still stopped by another GUN soldier, and the explosion that kills Maria is still an accident. GUN is "softened".

Contrast this to SA2, or even Sonic X where we get to see the soldier who killed Maria again in his old age, broken down with guilt over what he'd done and regret because he'd "just followed orders", and it just feels... I dunno. Like some of the tragedy and anti-military stance that the Sonic franchise has regularly pushed lost its teeth. This is my biggest gripe.

But something else that bothers me is Gerald. His characterization goes beyond the flanderization of Dr. Robotnik, he's just completely mischaracterized into being Dr. Robotnik but old. The OG Gerald was a kind-hearted scientist who loved his granddaughter and the people of earth. He was a little nutty and a little grey in some of his ethics, but overall, he wanted to help people. But when GUN killed his colleagues and Maria, then locked him up, he went insane with grief, altered Shadow's memories to turn him into a weapon of revenge, and was executed.

Obviously, I didn't really expect the film to both shoot Maria and Gerald, but I think that turning Gerald into a silly evil scientist with no real distinction from Dr. Robotnik, and completely getting rid of the canon that he altered Shadow's memories was... not the best move. It, again, waters down the tragedy of ARK and GUN's horrific actions. It's just kind of weird, you know? I can't get behind Shadow wanting to destroy the earth that Maria loved if he didn't think that was what she wanted. Revenge for Shadow was never about himself. It was about Maria. His desire to carry out her dying wish has always been his primary motivator.

The resolution is kinda bland, too. In the film, Shadow's change of heart comes not because he remembers that Maria wanted him to help humanity and keep it safe in spite of its cruelty, but because he remembers she's always with him and... I dunno, I guess that's enough to forgive GUN or something, like they weren't totally gonna kill that little girl.

"But, Merri! The Sonic movies are for children! They wouldn't understand a complex story like that! It'd be too graphic!"

SA2 was made for children as well. It's rated E10+, and it isn't graphic. I didn't grasp everything about the story at 10, but I gathered enough and it wasn't jarring or scary for me in the slightest. Kids can handle a lot more than I think people give them credit for, and if something is uncomfy or scary, I think sometimes that's good in a controlled environment, too, because it gives parents the ability to step in and talk to them about it.

I didn't expect Sonic 3 to be a 1:1 of SA2. I liked that it looked at the characters from a different angle. We got to see their stories from Sonic's POV as an insecure kid, rather than a selfsure teenager/adult, and we got to see Dr. Robotnik's descent into madness because of him. It's different, but it's fun, and I think those differences work well because they are completely different. With Shadow's story, I feel like... it just doesn't work as well, because it tried to take the skeleton of his story and build something new, but in doing so, it lost its original message and flattened Shadow's character into something that I just really struggle to find believable. It feels like fanservice without understanding what made SA2 a fan favorite in the first place.

(I also feel some kinda way about glossing over Shadow's sacrifice when it was SUCH a huge thing in the OG story. It's not the Worst Thing compared to my other points. But. Y'know. It's just disappointing that soooo much children's media now refuses to let you sit with any negative emotion for too long before cracking a silly joke. Like. My man Shadow just willingly blew himself up to save the earth... Oh well! Silly camping trip time!!! Heehahoo)

[bigmakxp]

Monty isn’t jealous, envious or wants to take Freddy’s place nor does he hate him either.

Spoilers for Ruin btw!!

So the popular theory right now that everyone’s claiming to be canon is that Monty was jealous of Bonnie and Freddy and decommissioned Bonnie to be in the band and makes his way up in the band and take Freddy’s place as well. The most popular reason for this theory is because of the Monty Golf ARcade game that shows Monty as the lead while Freddy’s in the trash. At first glance, I can see why people fall for this and think Monty wants Freddy’s place in the band but there’s some evidence that suggests otherwise.

1. The faz watch message Monty mischief makes it clear that Monty has missed main stage performances more than once to stay in Monty Golf, The place where he was once just a one man band in his own attraction (info thanks to ruin). If people are claiming that he was the one who decommissioned Bonnie out of spite or malice or fame why would he bail on his position that he went to such “great lengths” to get? Like I’m genuinely curious how it fits.

2. People never talk about this. Just moments before in the game we heard Vanessa threatening to scrap Freddy if he was involved protecting Gregory and Monty would run the shows. Now I know she said that his casing would be slapped on a new endo and it would be a temporary thing but his endo, Freddy’s true essence and person (or robot) would be scrapped thrown in the trash. Sound familiar? A certain AR game depicting just that? Nope not a clue.. /s

3. So your not convinced still? Fine. One of the endings of security breach has Gregory and Freddy driving off in a van and just who did they put in Freddy’s position as the lead? Yup. Monty. And they created an entirely new animatronic as a 4th member, glamrock mr. hippo. The decisions of fazbear entertainment is… questionable. But this proves that game is not Monty’s true intentions or desires it’s more of the company’s desires if anything. He might just be pushed into situations that he has little control over.

So in Ruin, in the Monty golf ride there’s a scene of cardboard cutouts of Bonnie, chica, Roxanne and Freddy, the original four glamrocks while Monty is looking in admiration and starry eyes. However, Freddy’s is in the shadows so people assume that Monty definitely dislikes Freddy. I think people are reading to into this though as this could have another meaning too. Call this a bit on the nose here but hear me out.

Freddy is the only one who is not present in the pizzaplex or the entirety of the ruin story. Or at least his proper head isn’t and there’s a headless prototype attacking you. Point is every cutout that has lights on them is still in the pizzaplex activated or deactivated and that includes Bonnie.

It’s just astounding that people draw these conclusions about Monty based on sources that probably weren’t even made by him or might not reflect his personality and claim it as canon. The information that we get in ruin still makes most of Monty’s character vague and non-confirming. As much as I try to accept the theories that Monty really does envy Freddy and decommissioned Bonnie on purpose I just can’t. Cause a lot of the contrasting evidence sticks out like a sore thumb.

I’d like some feedback on this whether you agree or disagree I’d like to hear different pov and interpretations on this.

[another-day]

its time for to review something i’ve been waiting for for four years now

finally, i am very happy to say, we have EPISODE IN REVIEW for the fresh new episode of SEASON TWO EPISODE 15!!!!

spoilers ahead if you haven’t watched it already!!!!

i feel like i knew where this episode was going from the start, but we’ll get there ;]

first off; taco was such an interesting character in this episode, and i’m really glad they took the time to flesh her out!!!

obviously yeah she has a whole song about her desires and all, but even through dialogue and interactions she is taken care of very well and i really appreciate that!!

her desires are still humanised even though she’s the anti-hero of the season, and i think it really shows you that she was a contestant too at one point, and she had a negative experience with the show. does this mean i don’t think she was totally manipulating the final four? not in the slightest, but its still peculiar.

this time skip had me a little confused, because from paintbrush’s statement in regard to lightbulb “missing a lot”, one can assume that season three already ended

i’m hoping this’ll be explained at some point but i’m just confused!!!

i could essentially guarantee she was going to be eliminated from this line alone, probably by her own choice. lightbulb has a tendency to fixate somewhat on things she finds important in sentences, so i knew from here.

LOOOOOK AT HIIIIIM HE’S HERE!!!!

okay but for real; this was a masterful song, and i absolutely adored all of the musical progressions and just EVERYTHING. Rheagan Rizio’s vocals were amazing and the song was totally captivating, i love it.

this scene was incredibly interesting to me, this being the moment after suitcase says she genuinely befriended balloon and didn’t do it out of spite.

its like taco forgets people have different desires, and almost believes them to reason things the same way she does, because she knows that if she were in suitcase’s situation at that point that she would’ve done it out of spite, SO INTERESTING!!!!

this was one of my favourite scenes by far, because it brings to light an underlying storyline that has been there since the beginning

knife has been trying to be a better person throughout season two, and this is where that kind of comes crashing down for him. its something so rarely brought up, but bringing it into fruition like this was a fantastic choice, especially when his beliefs of “getting better” are immediately brought down, because his “better” may not be what actually is “better” overall.

ough,,,,,, season two episode twelve parallel save me i love these two so much i had to include it

i had a feeling after episode 14 that lightbulb would be out in this episode, because she was mentally at the weakest point she’d ever been in, but now i can see how much mental strength it must’ve taken to leave behind something that has been such a constant in her life for something that she found mattered to her much more.

she’s such a wonderful character, and i know people will be upset, but she’ll be far happier like this, and that’s already made very clear in later scenes

and to finish, there he is again !!!!

i’m so happy they’re canonically friends too!!!

but overall, taco’s development has been so interesting this episode. i really think she’s starting to fully understand what she wants now, and i suppose now i can only hope she’ll actually talk to them about it next episode

i freaked when i saw this

its not the fact that mephone has his name saved only as steve cobs, but the fact that he has it saved at all.

i understand that this could just be an embedded contact from creation, but i still feel that cobs wouldn’t just put his name in as such, and that mephone wouldn’t have just deleted it by his own accord.

also the fact that COBS is calling HIM. steve cobs has been shown to show little to no interest in mephone following season one, rather focusing on his newer phone models, so what triggered this? if the timeskip is correct, then i’d like to assume its the prime shimmer that influenced him to call mephone. i dunno why, but its a thought yknow!!!

but in conclusion, this was a spectacular episode. a friend of mine screen recorded the entirety of taco’s song so i am very excited to listen to that again, and i hope to see you all next time oooooon… episode in review!!!!

[opal-apparition]

Chapter 8 - Captain Rutherford - Is Up!

A Matter of Pride - OpalApparition - Dragon Age: Inquisition [Archive of Our Own]

Chapter Summary:

A day in the life of Captain of the Guard Cullen Rutherford.

Excerpt from Chapter 8:

The morning had stretched toward noon by the time Cullen and Bull left the office, their discussion having covered every detail of the trade route disruptions. As they approached the Viscount's study to inform him, the sound of voices carried through the corridors—one precise and cold, the other carrying an edge of barely contained frustration.

"—cannot simply ignore these decisions indefinitely." The Viscount's voice held that particular strain of patience that suggested it was wearing decidedly thin. "Whether we find this situation agreeable or not—"

"Oh, shall we discuss what we find agreeable?" Lady Lavellan's laugh carried no warmth. "Since you raised the subject, I find none of this agreeable. Not the flowers, not the guest list, not how you’ve declined the presence of clan musicians, and certainly not your continued attempts to drag me deeper into the pageantry of this affair—"

Cullen halted at a discrete distance from the study door, Bull following suit. Through the gap, they could see Lady Lavellan standing near the window, a bundle of papers crushed in her grip.

"My lady, not only will I drag you, I will tie you to the altar if you continue to act like a stubborn farm animal. And no. Absolutely not. I will not have Dalish music at my wedding," Solas said, his voice sharp with finality.

"Your wedding?" Ellana turned from the window. "Strange, I thought I was required to be there as well. Oh, unless—pray tell, have you found a more suitable bride to condemn to this fate? That I would find most agreeable, and heartily give my congratulations."

"If only I could substitute you with any other living woman. I am no less enamoured by the prospect of binding myself to you seeing that is no doubt the beginnings of a long life of aggravations, my lady, though might at least do me the courtesy of not disturbing my papers while you argue."

"Does it bother you?" She touched another stack, watching his jaw tighten. "Having things out of their proper place? Touching your things?"

"What bothers me is your persistent need to disrupt everything you touch."

"Perhaps if you weren't persistent about being a stick in the mud, I wouldn't feel compelled to test your limits."

"Your opinions on my limits were neither requested nor required." Solas's tone could have frozen flame. "We could’ve already been finished by now. Yet here you are, disrupting my morning for no other reason but spite. What will it take for you to realize that society demands certain appearances be maintained by the both of us. They are important.."

"Then by all means, maintain them alone, if they are so important to you. I'm sure you'll choose flowers that properly reflect your exacting standards. No wildflowers, of course, too provincial." She turned from the window, her composure cracking just enough to reveal genuine anger beneath. "After all, isn't that what you've wanted? To reshape everything Dalish into your notion of proper society?"

Bull shot Cullen a look that managed to convey both surprise and appreciation. Cullen could only offer a slight shrug in response. He'd learned weeks ago that Lady Lavellan's ability to transform seemingly trivial domestic discussions into pointed political commentary was as impressive as it was inconvenient.

"What I want," Solas replied, each word precisely weighted, "is irrelevant. As, it seems, are the basic courtesies of completing necessary arrangements for an event neither of us can avoid."

"It is fitting." Ellana's smile held no warmth. "Our first point of agreement: the mutual understanding that this is an obligation to be endured rather than a union to be celebrated. Or that I have any care for your desires. With that in mind, then, perhaps calla lilies?"

“... those are for funerals and mourning.”

“Precisely.”

Read the rest on AO3! :)

[findafight]

tbh i think ppl that genuinely think steve dragged her there kind of take nancy's behavior at the party in the best light/take nancy at her word bc,,,, we see nancy excited for the party to the point of spending time making a costume and encouraging jonathan to come only for her to start lashing out at steve right after they get there. like i always felt so bad for him when tommy and billy start harassing him and nancy literally rolls her eyes and just stalks off only to start heavily drinking specifically to spite steve given what she says about how she's just acting normal like he wanted (also that smug look she sends him right after continuing to drink). idk the way nancy starts acting out (this makes her sound like a 5 y/o throwing a tantrum but,,,, if the shoe fits) could make it seem as if she's been forced to do something against her will when taken out of context but in context she's literally just acting like a huge asshole to her boyfriend bc she's upset about something she hasn't even told him about. i get upset when i think about it too much bc ppl focus way more on the bullshit scene (for obvious reasons) but nancy really was treating steve like shit that whole night.

yeah like. Owens talks about "the anniversary effect", and I think that's hitting Nancy hard, and so she's lashing out! She's a teenager and she doesn't know how to handle her grief and her desire for justice. That's fine and she deserves to yell and cry about it. But she also isn't communicating what she actually needs from Steve because I don't think she really realized it until she saw the redhead in the library. And dropping that on him and kind of freaking out about it at school wasn't really the most appropriate place to have a deep discussion on what to do. (idk why people view this as steve just flat out refusing to talk about it ever, it's clear to me he's nervous about it because they're at school and he doesn't want to be overheard and doesn't want to risk the government hurting them/their families)

We see Steve do his best to support Nancy by going to the dinners with the Hollands, and also encouraging her to go to the party, after we have been shown Nancy talking about it and inviting Jonathan and excited for it. He is engaging her with something she was looking forward to. idk why people view this as steve just flat out refusing to talk about it ever, it's clear to me he's nervous about it because they're at school and he doesn't want to be overheard and doesn't want to risk the government hurting them/their families. Yeah maybe if she had asked him to come with her on the plan to entrap Owens he would have said no, but at least he would have known where she was at and what she was thinking, instead of the sudden one-off talk they had in the library.

I guess if people only watched tina's party and not anything that came before they could see nancy as completely correct and that steve was pretending while she didn't want to (instead of mostly pretending with Steve and having had one freak out about it in a place that people could overhear) and that he dragged her there. But it's astounding that people can watch Nancy smile and give the flyer to Jon and still say Steve was a bad boyfriend for taking her.

She is definitely drinking vindictively in the scene, even though for all Steve knows Nancy genuinely wanted to go and have fun at the party. He's trying to get her to slow down and idk I've seen some takes as this showing Steve is controlling but legitimately what the fuck else are you going to do when you see someone you care about (friend/partner/whatever) ignoring you and being kind of an ass and drinking way too much while obviously upset about something. Of course he would encourage her to slow down!

He doesn't know what's wrong because Nancy actually has a habit of not talking or communicating to her boyfriend what is upsetting her. Nancy is so over pretending but she has only barely broached that with Steve. He did try to shut it down, but I don't remember him saying he was unwilling to talk about it, just that it was a bad idea, and that Nancy was coming with this "tear the lab down" thing from nowhere.

Part of the problem is that Nancy had feelings for Jonathan and didn't know what to do about that, and so decided that actually, everything was Steve's fault, because he wanted to be normal, he wanted to go to the party and have fun, he wanted to date and be in love, when, to drunk Nancy's mind, she wanted none of that. (even though we are shown that that isn't true) So she's going to drink and she's going to have fun and she's not even in love. (idk it depends on the day for me if nancy was faking the whole time or did, at some point, fall in love with him and then out of love.) The whole party scene is a mess for Stancy and poor Steve has no idea why his girlfriend is drinking too much and suddenly acting like they're fighting when there's no reason to. and then he gets yelled at and told she's pretending to love him.

[yurisorcerer]

my personal stance on the mortis question is that while the show absolutely uses the visual language of horror, it’s more to convey how the other girls respond to being confronted with a system for the first time than because the show itself thinks mortis is sinister. mortis seems to be solely motivated by a desire to protect mutsumi, so while she’s definitely spiteful towards sakiko (the one “hurting” mutsumi), I really don’t think she’s meant to be evil? she seems to have been genuinely trying to keep ave mujica together for mutsumi’s sake and is genuinely hurt and confused by her failure. she’s like a little kid if anything

I mean yes that is why I pointed out that she's not like killing anybody or doing anything that's actually all that bad. Literal worst case scenario is she breaks up a band permanently. That sucks for our characters of course but it's not some kind of terrible crime.

I probably shouldn't have used the term "evil alter," that's more just like, a shorthand for how these things are usually depicted than me saying the show is calling Mortis evil. (Ediva: Imprecise language on our part, you'll have to forgive it, we had just finished watching the episodes and it was A Lot.)

As for the idea that it's a visual representation of them being confronted with a system for the first time. I'm not sure I entirely agree on that part. If it were just the stuff in episode 4, maybe, but there's that whole gnarly bit at the end of episode 3 to consider. I guess you could perhaps argue that it's more a figurative representation of her state of mind than Mortis actually Doing anything, but the show definitely frames Mortis in an overtly sinister light in that scene at least.

Mind you we say all this but I don't think even that much is that big of a deal since it's also setting the audience's expectations up to be somewhat subverted later when we get a slightly better picture of what Mortis is about. I don't think, if you want to use the archetypal terms, it would be wholly wrong to call her a protector alter of some sort. (The little kid observation is true too though. So idk, she's a complicated one.)

All this to say we don't actually disagree here I was just kind of caught up in the moment when I made my initial post and phrased things more generally than I probably should have.

[Also I ask anyone to keep in mind we haven't seen episode 5 yet. I'm waiting for actually decent subtitles. Someone on nyaa called Nyamuchi has been hacking away at the official CR subs to make them legible.]

[animentality]

you've put the idea of reo/shidou in my head and now it won't leave me alone. so thanks for that.

i just like the idea of reo trying to convince himself that one instinctive football genius is as good as any other, that it doesn't have to be nagi, while also being so deeply in denial about his desire for nagi and about being gay that he's managed to convince himself that hooking up with shidou isn't gay if a) he hates the guy and b) he's just using him to get back at nagi. (shidou, of course, thinks it's all good laugh)

SEE I actually really like Shidou x Reo a lot, and it's partially because I encountered a really cute fanfic for it early on, so I was rather smitten.

But I also think that there's a goldmine of content in the idea of a quick rebound.

Nagi's dismal of Reo in Second Selection is pretty brutal, and it's hard for me to re read and watch. So my coping mechanism is to imagine Reo being sort of... swept away very quickly by a guy who actually expresses some interest in him (after six months of being interested in a lazy guy, who just didn't return his obsession as openly).

Also Shidou is a fascinating choice because he's a genius too, but he's the total opposite of Nagi. He's ferociously passionate about soccer, to the point of utter irrationality and insanity, and where Nagi's creativity fails him, Shidou is nothing but creative!

plus I like the angst of like... Reo is definitely at least a little fond of Kunigami for trying to cheer him up after Nagi leaves.

Shidou is the one who spitefully knocks Kunigami out, and takes Reo.

the tension that could exist there... oomphies.

could be great.

Plus Reo is insecure about his worth. Kunigami being knocked out, purely because Shidou was feeling spiteful, is really intriguing. Or even the rewrite of, maybe Shidou makes Reo feel like he has some worth after all. Maybe he genuinely just likes Reo AND wanted to spite Kunigami.

maybe Reo is moody and dislikes him initially but then Shidou wins him over with some aggression.

maybe Reo's not used to a guy who's very interested in him, you know?

flips the script.

I just think I'm so interested in RyuReo because poor Reo deserves to have a man pursuing him as doggedly as he was pursuing Nagi.

like it bothers me that in canon they made up so fast.

Reo deserved a little more groveling, you know?

Nagi didn't appreciate what he had... and I don't like how he's been forgiven so instantly.

there should be some groveling.

Nagi should be made jealous goddamnit.

their relationship still feels one sided.

Nagi just has to say some nice words and Reo immediately hops back into his arms. literally.

Make that man work for it and show him you have other options, boo!!!

but anyway. yeah.

it's my favorite crack ship.

it's utter nonsense but at least the potential is there.

they also do technically interact during u-20.

[gyokutoll]

How good/bad is Hotaru at perceiving himself? If he were to name a few of his traits, or speak/write about himself ( even anonymously or into a diary ) would he be able to accurately capture who he is?

ask me about hotaru ; always accepting !

There's this... phrase that goes around in therapy circles. People who are naturally intuitive and perceptive tend to express a sentiment not dissimilar to, "I'm so self-aware and know what's wrong with me and knows what needs to be done that my therapist doesn't know what to do with me." And oftentimes, these people are hyper-critical of their flaws and problems. They understand that they have certain traits, but they often observe the negative.

A sentiment that I've seen posited when these conversations come up is, "you're not self-aware if you're not aware of your good points." This is all a convoluted opener to say that the prior idea is Hotaru. Hotaru thinks he's self-aware and knows himself well, but he only fixates on the worst parts of himself.

Hotaru is aware that he has a nasty personality. That he's sarcastic, distant, petty, irritating, spiteful, pessimistic, cynical, and unfriendly. But Hotaru could not tell you his positive traits. He would likely cite his intelligence and cleverness, but these are actually really fascinating traits to cite because Hotaru exists in patriarchy. In patriarchy, the intelligence and cleverness of men is considered a desirable trait. But Hotaru's other traits, of which are his empathy, kindness, and consideration, aren't something he's aware of in himself. Because these are traits often associated with femininity, but most importantly: they're positive. These are objectively good things to be.

Hotaru believes that he understands the full breadth of himself but the fact he is unable to list any of his good traits beyond what society has told him is valuable shows not only the fact that he has the incomplete picture, but also that he has a lot of blind spots in regards to himself.

I actually think it might be fun to cite our thread in that Hotaru immediately thanked Nezumi and offered him whatever he had on hand in the immediate. People who were genuinely terrible and inconsiderate and ungrateful and cruel wouldn't think to do those things. There's an argument that a service being done for cruel people renders them more tolerable because they got something out of it, but there is just this glaring sincerity inherent to Hotaru that slips through the cracks of his deeply ironic armor.

Hotaru does not have an accurate view of himself. Yes, he knows his worst traits, but he also neglects to acknowledge that these are defense mechanisms born from intense trauma. He is an extremely unreliable narrator that very little of what he says can be trusted when it comes to himself and his feelings on other people. Hotaru is the sort of person where you need to watch what he does and not what he says because what he says is ever rarely the truth, and this extends to even what he says about himself.

He's the type of person to cite himself as not caring about what another person does, but he might say this while silently checking them over for injury or discomfort. He's the sort of person to say that there's no point in helping people and yet he will help a complete stranger.

Anyways, never trust what this fuckass bunny says about himself because he's never been right and likely won't ever be.

[agrazza]

can you describe what a jealous, pining, and in-love Astarion would be like if he and Tav for some reason hadn't yet gotten together by, say, act 3 and other companions were noticeably attempting to make moves on Tav, who is also in love with Asti but is (trying) to hide it? this could also be either before or after Caz :>

Ooh I have some ideas of *how* this could have happened, too, but I’ll stick to the bounds of your original ask below the cut haha.

It actually isn’t much of a stretch from TG canon that other companions were interested in TG. Without Astarion ‘in the way’ a few of them might have made a move. I could almost imagine several of them courting his attention for a little fun or stress relief; by Act 3, the party knows him well enough to think he isn’t relationship material (he made that clear early on, mostly because he was head over heels for Astarion and didn’t want to lead anyone else on, and now he’s stuck nursing what he thinks is unrequited love and with a reputation for preferring meaningless flings).

In the meantime, Astarion enjoys Tav's friendship immensely. At first, this seems like enough. They get along splendidly, and without the pressure for a physical relationship, he feels free and happy. Unfortunately, he also realizes that he genuinely enjoys Tav's company, and that the bard is, after all, very easy on the eyes, and oh no, what is this ache in his chest??? Naturally Astarion is irritated to realize that he’s fallen in love with the bard in spite of them deciding to be just friends, and has to watch TG respond to the others’ flirting— and maybe also occasionally watch him spend a night or two in someone else’s tent. TG is touch-starved, not handling the revelations of Act 3 very well, and a few companions might realize a little nighttime athletics ‘calms him down’, without passing the insight check (because TG makes it incredibly difficult) to see that TG is letting them use him out of a desire to be ‘good’ or ‘useful’ or to distract from the Urge. TG might turn especially to Halsin or Lae’zel, because they have a way of overwhelming him enough to make his thoughts quiet (he has a type lol) but definitely won’t be in love with him (he thinks).

Gale might also think he has another shot (as canonically he was, at one point, in love with him, even when Tav was clearly with Astarion). In this AU, he might start courting Tav in an attempt to win him over. TG probably wouldn’t notice it as romantic; he has no memory, nothing to compare it to, and no cultural knowledge of how courtship works.  Astarion, on the other hand, knows exactly what’s going on and fumes silently, but what right does he have to protest, when he and Tav so firmly decided they were just friends? Astarion's friendship with Gale definitely suffers, however.

It all comes to a head after Cazador. Freed from his own master, Astarion can finally see the cracks in Tav’s facade; he’s barely holding it together. In the canon run, Astarion was really a grounding foundation for Tav, someone he trusted with all his doubts and worries, and even when they weren’t having sex, he felt safe around Astarion, and could get the physical comfort he needed from more platonic intimacy with him, without feeling like he was taking advantage. Without that relationship, Tav would have spent Act 3 feeling much less secure, more prone to recklessness, and open to all kinds of unwise liaisons, including with NPCs, chasing that sense of security and trying to prove his own personhood to himself. (Astarion might spend a whole night pacing on the street outside of Sharess’ Caress, not willing to stop Tav from going, but definitely not willing to go far, in case he needed help, or got hurt. What if they don’t treat him right there? Someone should keep watch!)

Astarion gets snappish with the others-- especially anyone who's been flirty with TG-- which they assume is a result of him feeling unmoored after killing Caz and not ascending, but it’s really because he can’t stand the way they seem to take Tav’s attention for granted. Tav seems to be pulling away from him too, which makes him even more upset, but it’s because Tav is nursing his own ‘unrequited’ love and doesn’t want to slip up. (They killed Caz before Bhaal in this universe, because even though Astarion doesn't love him, Tav thinks, he wants to make sure Astarion is free, even if Tav dies in his fight with Orin.)

Then Tav dies in the Bhaal temple, and gets resurrected to Astarion’s teary expression, incredibly lame attempt at calling the whole event ‘twee’ even though he has tear-tracks down his face and was definitely clutching Tav’s body when he woke up, and then Astarion gives in and kisses him right there on the floor of the murder temple and declares that if Tav’s not going to take better care of himself, Astarion will do it for him, you horrible cretin!

(Tav’s free of his father *and* gets a new boyfriend, and he can’t stop smiling for a tenday.)

[supermarine-silvally]

Questions 1 through 15 from the relationship asks for Yara and Ace, maybe? 💚

Aaaahhh tysm Dolly!! This genuinely made me feel so much better to type out!

1)How did they meet and what were their first impressions of each other?

They technically met on the Whitebeard Pirates— Yara had joined Whitebeard’s crew about two-and-a-half years or so before Ace did and had worked her way up from apprentice to full crewmember by the time that Ace and the Spade Pirates got into their initial clash with Whitebeard. Speaking of which… It’s so funny to look back on it but Yara HATED Ace at first because of his repeated attempts to kill Whitebeard, her captain/surrogate father. A lot of the Whitebeard Pirates weren’t bothered by Ace, knowing that he wasn’t nearly strong enough to hurt Whitebeard, but Yara was. She treated him as if he had the plague and wouldn’t go near him or talk to him. That started to change once Thatch roped her in to helping train Ace’s observation haki and she started to spend a little more time with him, at the same time that he was starting to come out of his initial angry, angsty phase following his initial defeat at Whitebeard’s hands and his battles with Whitebeard transformed from assassination attempts into genuine combat based on mutual respect. Ace on the other hand never had any ill will towards Yara at any point, even when he was shunning the rest of the Whitebeard Pirates’ attempts to reach him. He just thought she was super pretty and cool tbh… also she just gave off Sad Lonely Vibes that reminded him a lot of himself when he was younger, before he had Luffy to take care of.

2) What kind of dynamic do they have with each other?

They have the most black cat/golden retriever energy lmao Ace can be goofy and fun-loving and super affectionate, whereas Yara tends to be a lot more reserved (she’s basically Mihawk Jr, let’s be real lol) but she loves the attention he gives her and she does give him a lot of love in return, in her own way. Mostly through reassurances when he starts to struggle with his self-worth. (I don’t wanna give too much away about Ace’s past but so much of it is genuinely heartbreaking, my poor boy)

3) What do others think of them?

The other Whitebeard Pirates were relieved when they FINALLY figured it out and got together. Marco and Thatch were pretty relentless with the teasing. Whitebeard was happy that two of his “children” managed to find love in spite of everything that had gone wrong in their lives. Luffy adored Yara the moment she offered him a snack (package of dried meat) that she happened to have in her bag and immediately accepted her as his sister (in law)— though he would’ve done so anyways, meat or no meat, as long as Ace is happy.

4) Do they have the same love language as each other?

They don’t, but they know each others’ love languages really well, so it doesn’t ever become an issue. (I think I had it as: Ace— giving: gift-giving, receiving: words of affirmation; Yara— giving: acts of service, receiving: physical touch).

5) Is their joint future bright or bleak?

Well, I can’t say too much without dropping some MAJOR One Piece spoilers, but I like writing them with a bright future where they end up very happy together for the rest of their days.

6) How close are they physically?

Ace is very physically affectionate, which Yara really loves since she’s very touch-starved. He initiates the vast majority of it, but she absolutely soaks it up when he does. She loves playing with his hair and tracing the freckles on his cheeks (she has a major thing for Ace’s freckles. He’s just too adorable).

7) Do they have a desire to protect each other?

Oh, yeah. The New World (the second half of the Grand Line, where the Four Emperors live) is full of danger and they’re constantly getting into tough battles and having to watch the other’s back. Ace is probably more protective than Yara is because of his Big Brother Instincts, but he knows that stepping on Yara’s toes in battle would not bode well for him afterwards.

8) Do they prefer being alone, together, or with others?

Their favourite thing is being alone together! Ace is the life of the party so he’s always happy to be around whoever and Yara prefers being by herself most of the time, so they kind of meet in the middle there lol

9) Do they laugh at each other?

Good-naturedly, yes. Ace does silly things constantly. Yara tries not to laugh, but she can’t help it. He’s just such a goofball and a sweetheart. Even if she’s laughing at him rather than with him, he considers it a major win just to hear her laugh. He thinks it’s the sweetest sound in the world.

10) Who would win in a fight?

Physically? Ahhh I hate to say it, but Ace. He’s ridiculously strong, considering he’s got a Logia-type Devil Fruit and all three forms of haki, including the rare conqueror’s haki. There’s been quite a bit of debate amongst the fandom about just how strong Ace is, but considering he was once asked to join the Seven Warlords at the ripe age of 17 and fought on equal terms with one of them (Jinbe) for five days straight, the general consensus is that he’s pretty OP. Unfortunately for Yara, I’m not sure if she could match that if they ever were to fight seriously.

Verbally? Yara. Every single time. She’s petty and stubborn and won’t hold back from going for the jugular if need be. Ace can also be very stubborn, but when it comes to Yara being angry with him, he folds like a cheap deck of cards lmao

11) Who is a better liar?

Yara. She has a pretty good poker face and if anyone dares accuse her of lying, she turns on the Dracule Death Glare lol

12) Who is a better caregiver?

Yara, because she has a cooler head than Ace does. Whenever she’s hurt/sick, he’ll be zooming around low-key panicking and just wanting her to get better ASAP. If the situation is reversed, Yara is a lot better at calmly assessing just what he needs and delivering it to him efficiently.

13) Who is a better dancer?

Probably Yara, given that she has probably had to pay a lot more attention to stuff like timing and footwork due to her training as a swordswoman.

14) Who is a better cook?

Neither of them really cook but I think Yara would be more responsible in the kitchen. Ace would probably get impatient and try to heat something up with his Devil Fruit powers and end up incinerating it in the process.

15) Who has better fashion sense?

Yara. She’s a Dracule. It runs in the family.

ask game here!

One Piece nakama: @auxiliarydetective @oneirataxia-girl @xoteajays

[beevean]

I guess my main issue is that I get different fundemental vibes from them

Other M is written like absolute dog shit, but it feels to me like it was mostly due to Sakamoto going on an ego trip believing he was writing cinema while not thinking well enough about the implications of his writing. I feel genuine, honest to god incompetence from the writing, but one that at least comes from a "good place". Because the idea of showing a more vulnerable side to Samus is not bad, in fact plenty of Metroid games deal with Samus being placed in vulnerable positions, it's just that the story utterly fails at showing us why Adam is so special, focusing way too much on his gruff military persona and not at all on his more supposedly caring side, while also focusing far too much on Samus' weakness and completely forgetting to build her back up again. Add to this the phenomenally awful gameplay/story integration of the authorization mechanic which makes it look like Adam had no qualms watching Samus suffer without her upgrades with her being perfectly fine with being put through hell for senpai's desires,and the laughably rushed ending that prevents her from accomplishing abything, and you have a relationship that comes off as incredibly abusive, which is awful and incredibly demeaning to Samus

But with NFCV I don't have this feeling. Hector's treatment is very deliberate, you can FEEL Ellis stroking his dick with every line, there's actual spite and venom coming from the script, and while the end result may be vile on both accounts I take more issue with the story that was purposefully written to be disgusting for the wrong reasons, than with the one that that ended up like this out of sheer ineptitude. With the latter it feels like the result of several very bad writing mistakes culminating in something that is abhorrent, while with the former it's abhorrent at the very roots and idea

Oh and you know, Other M was eventually followed up by the likes of Dread, so Samus' characterization was implicitly recognized as a bad move in the long run, prompting the character to get rerailed

Hector's character drama was followed up in S4 with Lenector, and this is pretty much what the character will amount to in the eyes of many fans, so in the end only one of the two stories dealt truly permanent damage

Again not defending OM here, I'm just saying thst on a scale of shit I can't bring myself to put it higher than most stuff from NFCV

This we can agree with. Again, I was not defending NFCV by any means lol, and I certainly would not put OM higher on a shit scale, just pointing out how similarly and uncomfortably the two characters got fucked over. But you're right that Sakamoto at least did it out of genuine passion, albeit very much misplaced: his intention was to flesh out Samus, and he did want the fans to like her, he just... grossly misunderstood everything. Ellis more or less admitted that he wrote out of ego and spite, making clear at every line that he wanted the viewers to laugh at a victim of abuse and torture because as a stupid manchild he deserved it (and I'm still sure Lenector in its "tragically wholesome" version was the product of executive meddling), and that makes his work reprehensible and indefensible.

I can still say that the scene where Samus flops on the floor like a fish after getting shot and Hector getting stepped on after being beaten and flashing his dick give me similar vibes of "you didn't need to do that" :P but yes, from this angle I see your point better.

[demystifiedstardust]

My 30 days of linktypes challenge

Day 22: How has your linking experience been so far? Positive? Negative? Mixed?

Offline, my experience has been great.

Online... I've been trying to keep this positive. I've been trying. Really, really trying.

But... I can't do it anymore, not for today’s topic. I'm going to be real, and I'm going to be raw.

Cw negativity, alterhuman respectability politics, the KFF situation, community gatekeeping, general kin drama, overall intense accusatory tone at the general community, no tone tags, essay-length post

These content warnings are so readers can make an informed decision on if they want to expose themselves to this rant. By opening the readmore, you acknowledge these content warnings.

My experience online leaves a lot to be desired.

The linking tags can be glacial, so I peek into larger adjacent tags as well. But... I'm not into flags or coining or mood/stimboards, and I've got no interest in the currently trending quadrobics and masks because it's mostly not relevant to my identity, so a lot of what's left, other than reading about experiences (which I love to read!) are... discourse, infighting, and vagueposting drama, a never-ending hydra of malaise that self-perpetuates (watch this very post get vagued by someone, guaranteed).

Usually the discourse hydra balances itself out by the sense of community, but my sense of belonging is at a 15-year low. Alterhumanity is supposed to be inclusive, but let's be real, in practice it's for therians and kin exclusively, and maaaaaybe plurality if you squint. I don't fit those boxes, and as a result I feel barely tolerated, much less welcome (and that's before factoring in community trends and demographics).

I appreciate the occasional positivity post that catches my view, genuinely, even when it usually boils down to “THIS LABEL IS VALID!”. I wish I could take them to heart; I struggle to do so when I feel so unwanted and quarantined in the first place. Admitting any degree of voluntariness at all has always been controversial as long as I've been lurking fictionfolk spaces, and there's an undercurrent of pressure to not admit it, lest the community be seen as advanced roleplay.

Moreover, particularly to this part of myself, I have no memories of a past or concurrent life as Aether, which is another pillar of experience that is standard enough to be assumed. Talking about and comparing memories is a huge chunk of the fictionfolk community experience that is inaccessible to me, and it does evoke judgment in others when I have no memories to share. I only have my mundane earthly life. While my experiencing of strong emotions and intense longing for things that can never be in this world are common experiences amongst these spaces, they play second fiddle to the golden standard of memories, a narrative that forms the core of the fictionfolk community.

It has always felt like my options have been either to weave lies about myself and actually get to participate--and what's the point of that when it's a self-reflection and self-actualization thing to begin with (for me, at least)?--or tell the truth upfront and hope that people who won't give me grief over my "lesser" experience just... magically find me before I burn out again.

Okay, I have no pretty transition for this. That was the sad, mopey, emo part written days ago. Now for the bitter and indignatious resentment.

In the time between the creation of this blog and the closure of my last blog (which was shortly before the massive Kin Is Involuntary push, circa Covid times), it feels like I got ejected from my own space. I'm obviously mourning it on some level, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm also spiteful. Instead of actually addressing the ROOT PROBLEM of KFF bastardizing "identify as" into "identify with" and the increasing ableism of KFF, the response of the kin community was to redefine kin to throw those with voluntary and quoiluntary experiences under the bus. To the surprise of absolutely no one, redefining kinity by throwing us under the bus did not solve the KFF problems, because splitting us off was only nominally about addressing KFF; in practice, it was about sending a very particular message. It was about telling voluntaries and quoiluntaries that our identities aren't serious enough for you and that we're not welcome in kin spaces. 

Can you imagine how it felt for me to return to this? A decade of being quiet about my voluntary and quoiluntariness and bending to the pressure of respectability politics, and all it took was a break of a few years to push me out of the label I had given up my voice for. The kin community decided for me that my experience has less meaning than theirs*. It's very telling that the label the kin community offered like a olive branch to "fix" the problem has that very community debating the overall validity of the very label they themselves offered, TO THIS DAY. 

I also want you to think about who linking terminology is most widely spread by, pushed by, and policed by. I’ll give you a hint: look at posts telling others that they need to call themselves linkers, and take a peek at the poster’s blog or profile. Were most linking terms even coined by voluntaries and quoiluntaries? I honestly don’t know, but in light of the context of how linking terms came to be, I have a feeling the answer is no. 

I could try to keep asserting myself as kin, as I've seen some other voluntaries and quoiluntaries do, but the kin community has been crystal clear about wanting me out of it, so I will respect its right to not be associated with me. Honestly, it's mutual now. Do you think I want to keep using the language of the community who has already shown me exactly how little they think of me and others like me?

I've enjoyed the journaling aspect of this blog so far. But the overarching climate of the alterhuman community across every online space–not just Tumblr–makes it one of the most hostile communities I've ever been in**. The alterhuman community performatively roleplays acceptance for those that feel othered and preaches personal authenticity while feverishly curating a space where you must experience your authentic and highly-personal identity in the correct way. If there were another pre-existing community willing to accept me being literally a fictional being as a serious long-term part of my selfhood, I'd jump ship to there in a heartbeart and leave the memories behind. I have been trying so, so hard to put a positive spin on linking, in spite of the rigid social stratification baked into it, because I craved acceptance. 

But you know what?

I deserve more than this. I deserve a community who values me. I'm better than staying here in this community who wants to create a validity hierarchy of the goddamn experience of selfhood. As long as this community remains obsessed with what constitutes the “right” way to experience life, I have no home here.

Not all that long ago, I thought the alterhuman community would be a safe space for me to thrive. I thought it was a place that, because it was a gathering of those othered by human society and human bodies, would understand me and accept me for who I am. I’m embarrassed for believing it in the first place, but I’m more embarrassed for believing it for so long in the face of evidence to the contrary.

I can recognize when I need to leave the room. In order to grow, the only solution for me is to stop interacting with the community and move on.*** For myself and my own good, I’m done entertaining the illusion that this is my in-group. It hurts to say it, but this was never my in-group to begin with, because alterhumanity never had respect for the authentic me. It is painful to recognize, but acceptance is the first step of moving on with my life.

My offline life is far from glamorous. If I had to choose a few words to describe my offline community, I would call it judgemental, rural, and insular. Even so, change starts with me. This is why I've been trying to cultivate the fictional and monster-creature sides of myself offline. Baring my soul offline requires bravery, but the online alterhuman community has given me little benefit for the soul I’ve poured out to it over the years. I can’t keep living like this. I refuse to keep living like this.

I deserve more.

*Hmm, this is starting to remind me of another group of alterhuman-identifying folks with an awfully similar problem of being pushed out of the supposedly inclusive alterhuman umbrella… it’s almost like this is a recurring problem…

**Tumblr is still by and far the calmest fictionfolk community with regular traffic and meaningful discussion that I've ever experienced. I feel like that speaks volumes by itself about what kind of environment this community fosters at large.

***Not that anyone needed my input or permission, but I don't blame anyone who was watching me for alterhuman community reasons for unfollowing or blocking me for this rant. My sense of self isn't going anywhere and I plan to continue to talk about my fictionhood and not-so-human experiences, but this probably isn’t what you signed up to see. I'm going to finish off my 30 days challenge before tackling the detangling of myself from the alterhuman ecosystem of labels and vocabulary. 

To fictionfolk: If you're thinking about dropping into my notifications, keep in mind that approximately 15 years ago, the fledgling fictionkin community was my community. You don't need to tell me about what it was like, because I was there. I already know what it was like. I lived it. My experience probably wasn't one-to-one with your experience, but it is still my lived experience. You cannot and will not convince me my lived experience is wrong.

To trolls and butthurt shit-stirrers with no reading comprehension skills: I'm just going to block you.