#outlaw from gor

[jujuistrulyoutrageous]

my comfort movies are all MST3K ...

absolutely no shame

[pockspocket]

Why is there such a lack of star wars outlaws content istg-

This genuinely might be my first experience with a genuinely small fandom-

Like...I understand that the game had it's problems and because of that all the gaming bros have turned away every damn player from this game-

But...

I genuinely enjoyed it...yeah it's buggy...yea the ending was...ok...yeah the single style sneaking portions of the game sometimes got too repetitive and lacked the freedom of choosing the approach to the situation, considering that the game is open world, but it still felt way too linear...

But the main characters were pretty likable, in my opinion. Kay genuinely felt good to play as.

Any option that you went with felt like it was her genuine decision and not out of character.

ND-5 was awesome too! The little interactions between the two and Kay asking questions and ND-5 giving advice to her was always a delight to hear.

Ank and Gedeek were really likable too, I wish they stayed as our permanent crew. Cause one thing that I find funny is that because me and my father juggled who was playing, he tended to just shoot for the main quest and ignore side quests. And now that we had finished the main story, I'm just completing side quests that... should've been done....while doing the main quest....

So this made it so that... technically Ank and Gedeek were no longer on the ship and part of the crew... But on some of the quests they would chime in on comms as if they were-

Ok...bugs and story quirks aside... I think that even if you like the game or despise it ...

IT IS FUCKING GORGEOUS-

This game is good damn beautiful to look at-

Every environment felt so detailed and had its mood down so well. I fucking loved exploring the world's. Every cantina felt so good to walk into...THIS GAMES SOUNDTRACK IS BEAUTIFUL AS WELL OMFG-

I WOULD JUST SIT IN THE MAIN MENU GOR LIKE A GOOD MINUTE TO JUST LISTEN TO THE MUSIC UGHHH

This game, felt like a proper star wars game. Listen...I'm tired of the classic..."you get to play as a Jedi" game. As much as I love those, this was a good breath of fresh air. It felt more focused on the world of star wars rather than a single character trope.

Overall I think that Ubisoft did an ok job. The game clearly had some love put into it and definitely has opened the idea of this type of Star Wars games.

Despite it all, I obviously have my fair share of negative things to say about it too. It's not a perfect game, and I'd be lying if I said it is. But that doesn't mean folks shouldn't give it a chance.

Hopefully they make a dlc or even a sequel at some point, and when they do, I hope that they fix the problems and decisions that are making people be deterred away from the game.

[vavuska]

The basic canvas used by John Norman to write the very deep dialogues between Tarl and his random female partner

"I'm your slave, Tarl Cabot!"

"Ehm, no. Thank you. Slavery is bad"

"No, I belong to you. You are my master"

"No, you are a free woman. Slavery is immoral"

...

"Ok, you are my slave"

Few pages after

"How dare you? I'm a free woman!"

"No, you are a Slave Girl! I'm your Master!"

"I love you, Tarl!"

I don't find the Gor novels controversial or antifeminist, because the main female partners are usually depicted as strong willed and smart. It's not even that disrespectful about women's autonomy, because the author gave to his male protagonist (Tarl Cabot, a human from modern-day Earth) a liberal and modern sensibility about slavery: Tarl is deeply against slavery and in every book I red so far, he frees slaves (in Outlaw of Gor he organizes a slave revolution against the oppressive matriarchal monarchy and also helped Lara, the former Queen, to develop a social consciousness and admitting the unfair parts of her city) and help oppressed women to become indipendent, self aware and express their true self. It's just a little paternalistic, but not misogynist. It's not even full of annoying sex scene as a person could think and sex is never described directly, at least in books I red so far. I think that Laurell K. Hamilton's sagas are more controversial and with more sex than actual plot. I the Gor novel there is a huge world-building and In love the way in which fantasy meets sci-fi novels.

[grxmincvdescxnce]

( sabrina carpenter, she/her, cursed blood ) To DAENERYN of VARAEL, the whole world looks like an open page. With a leap of faith, their ability of BLOOD MANIPULATION grows a little stronger.  They are a BENGAL CAT shade aligned to HOUSE of VANITAS. For TWENTY-FOUR years, they have survived a world of magic with both their TENACITY and SADISM. They work as a HEAD of VANITAS, but if they could change their fate, they’d want to RAISE HELL WITHOUT CONSEQUENCE. + head of vanitas skeleton

inspo includes the likes of the following: robin hood of english folklore, rebecca of cyberpunk: edgerunners, catra of she-ra and the princesses of power, tinkerbell of peter pan, ryomen sukuna of jujutsu kaisen, goldilocks of puss in boots: the last wish. 

&. ⸻ BASICS

name — daeneryn of varael 

aliases — daena, the blood witch, the demoness, the desert thorn, princess daeneryn, the devil queen

birthdate — august 13

zodiac — leo

birthplace — the country of varael

sexuality — biromantic homosexual

alignment — chaotic neutral

temperament — choleric

element — fire

primary vice — sloth

primary virtue — temperance

house — vanitas

occupation — head of house vanitas and thief

markings — all these tattoos in various locations

&. ⸻ HEADCANONS

daeneryn recalls nothing of her life before being found by her adoptive family, and though she’ll never admit it aloud unless pressed to the point of irritation perhaps, they mean the absolute world to her

she refers to her dreamshade family as her ‘council of merry men’ now that she’s head of vanitas. her slight obsession with robin hood stops just short of her wearing green tights, though honestly, she knows she’d look amazing in them

she often dons a leather jacket with this insignia present, a gift from her family to commemorate her becoming head of house vanitas 

daena’s feat of victory was accomplished not by lineage, but by brutality. a bloody, all-out brawl would range exactly twenty-four hours to determine their new leader, a long-kept secret of the faction meant to keep things ‘fair’ following the loss of their namesake, ruyun vanitas. participants are granted access by invitation only, and there would be no permitted challenge to the victor’s rule for at least three years’ time, per the guidelines 

daeneryn would earn the title ‘the devil queen’ as a result of her manner of victory, her body drenched in blood and her feline, dagger-like smile viciously menacing  

nobles and similarly well-off individuals have never been in daena’s favor

she doesn’t believe in modesty, and so most of her ‘clothing’ tends to reflect this. like this for example.

she’s never had a first kiss, and she’ll kill anyone who finds out. that said, she knows she favors women over men, most often, in just manner alone

the vanitas stronghold is located deep within the crystal caverns, full of monsters and needless danger and perfectly isolated for the destructive nature of the abilities within. it’s full of medieval flare, several rows of cells that are well used for those who disobey or otherwise annoy the house head, and the audience room resembles something of a graveyard with its scattered remains and throne of skulls. they even have a viking-styled table for meal times and a war table for council meetings. any version of ‘rules’ within the headquarters tends to resemble more of an outlaw brigade mentality these days, which tends to result in the most welcoming of  environments, of course

&. ⸻ ABILITY

hemokinesis, or the ability to manipulate blood. daena is quite proficient in this skill, often using it to puppeteer or skewer her enemies. her love of pain allows her to push through the consequences of this gift to only a particular point, with the house head tending to overdo it on most occasions to her detriment. anemia, organ shutdown, coughing up blood, and so on are often the consequences of her pushing beyond her limits so consistently. 

&. ⸻ HISTORY

neighboring countries geles and goren, her home country of varael was a corrupted matriarchy full of dragons, thieves, and amazonian-like warriors

just prior to the 100 year disappearance of selphia’s princess, when the boundary ran rampant, varaelians found themselves struggling to keep the upper hand. this was in spite of their phenomenal force and natural abilities, which included the likes of blood manipulators, contract killers, and an army built of undead. as they were primarily an isolationist entity, their request of aid was unusual and in time, wholly denied. their image was monstrous in the eyes of neighboring lands, the sea of blood at their borders troubling to even those of fiercer reputation. a lack of trust, wild accusations from those coveting the resources they hoarded, and gross misinformation stoked fears of eventual betrayal, should anyone come to their defense. 

this refusal would set the tone for the kingdom’s behavior going forward, living up to the image the world painted of them despite their efforts to appease and state otherwise. slaying those that crossed their borders — be they human or boundary-oriented — became commonplace. they earned a reputation for themselves as a kingdom of unwarranted destruction and distrust. this would carry on well into the years, even after peace and freedom from the boundary was temporarily achieved. daeneryn’s mother would be crowned in this time, however, and her plans to dispel the fears towards her land and gain allies they could rely on, for the sake of her people and country should the worst occur — as surely their efforts could not be sustained long term — were set in motion. a temporary treaty with selphian royals, specifically, would be established on the grounds that terms were honored and resources were shared. just as the coronation arose, and a young daeneryn and her family set on their way to selphia to showcase their newfound loyalties in a public manner, tragedy would strike through perceived betrayal. 

most residents of varael were dissatisfied with even the idea of reliance on anyone other than themselves, and this opinion was actually shared by the queen mother, daeneryn’s step-grandmother and mother to the queen consort. she was permitted the title of ‘queen mother’ as a courtesy, as daena’s own grandmother was no longer present in this world.

nevertheless, a coup was planned to ‘restore the old ways’, shepherded in secret by the queen mother. the intention was to restore the status quo and permit the step-grandmother her time in the light as she believed her daughter-in-law unfit for the task. the death of daena’s mother and most of her larger family was blamed entirely on selphian assassins by royal decree. with daena and her next eldest sister serve as unintended survivors alongside their step-grandmother, with both girls getting separated in the skirmish.   

daeneryn knows nothing of her sister’s survival or even the fact that she has one. in fact, her memory starts with her discovery in holograd desert, with nothing of her prior life present in her mind. her dreamshade family, a group comprised of those of actual relation and not, would raise her as their own. traveling the lands committing grand schemes against the needlessly wealthy and acting as outlaws should, they consider selphia a last-ditch effort to restore her memories and remove her humanity. the vial of cursed blood was discovered, and the rest, as they say, is history. 

[newcountryradio]

New Country 27e jaargang  #T1244 (S803) (C44) van 2 September 2024  (wk 36) uitzending op Smelne fm & Crossroads Country Radio

Album van de week:  George Strait – Cowboys &   Dreamers            

Classic album:  Tim McGraw – Not a moment Too Soon            1994

Hits of the Year : 2003

Maandfavoriet : Ella Langley & Riley Green – You Look Like You Love Me     

Maandartiest : Patty Loveless      

Patty Loveless – You Can Feel Bad        *maandartiest

Randy Travis – Whisper My Name           #1 30 jaar.

Clay Walker -  Dreaming With My Eyes Open

Sabrina Carpenter – Slim Pickins o

Charles Wesley Godwin – Sundown .

Luke Combs ft Blake Shelton – Nothing Left .

Colby Acuff - Starving.

Zach Brown Band – Two Blue Chairs And You .

Drew Baldridge – She’s Somebody’s Daughter   #3

George Strait  - MIA Down In MIA.     Album vd week

George Strait  - Three drinks Behind .     *Album vd week

Ricky Skaggs – Country Boy     Entertainer  1985

Blake Shelton – The Baby

The Mavericks – The Air That I Breath

Merle Haggard – Yesterday’s Wine  w/George Jones

Ella Langley & Riley Green – You Look Like You Love Me .  . favoriet 

Brian Callihan - Good Lord.  sofi

Tim McGraw – Indian Outlaw   classic album 1994

Tim McGraw – Don’t Take The Girl    classic album

The  SteelDrivers – If My Eyes Were Blind .

Miranda Lambert – Over You     (3 in 1) 

Miranda Lambert / Keith Urban  – We Were Us

Miranda Lambert – The House That Build Me

George Strait - The Little Things -  cowboys & dreamers.   Album vd week

Sturgill Simpson – Sitting Here without You

Post Malone feat Luke Combs – Guy For That    #1 album.

Cody Johnson – Dear Rodeo .

Tim McGraw - The Cowboy In Me (yellowstone edition )

Colter wall – Cowpoke

Luke Grimes – Wait for The Rain To Die down

Toby Keith - Big Ol' Truck

Patty Loveless – How Can I help You Say Goodbye   maandartiest

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band – Catfish John    juweeltje

Lainey Wilson - Whirlwind vw

George Strait - To the Moon (live)

Jake Owen - The Journey of Your Life Album vd week

Willie Nelson - I Still Can't Believe You're Gone

Eric De Vries -   Hit the Ground Running    Dutch corner

Change of Key - Home away from Homesick blues nl

Toby Keith w/Willie Nelson – Beer Gor My horses      #5 2003

Mark Wills – 19 Somethin’      #4

Darryl worley – Have You Forgotten      #3

Kenny Chesney - There Goes My Life # 2003

Alan Jackson - & Jimmy Buffett – It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere      #1 2003

Eindtune

Post Malone & Luke Combs

[talesofpassingtime]

Poets on Gor, as in my native world, were regarded with some skepticism and thought to be a little foolish, but it had not occurred to anyone that they might suffer from divine madness or be the periodic recipients of the inspiration of the gods.

— John Norman, Outlaw of Gor   

[tacticalhimbo]

XBOX DIRECT THOUGHTS

more of the same. more unedited, stream of consciousness reactions to the showcase

Fable

- Vegetable Enthusiast. He cute honestly.

- GIANT. PUMPKIN.

- The graphics are pretty and I love the idea of normal guy in fantasy world sm.

- is this thumbalina???? or whateva her name is????

- FABLE??? remake??? new game???

- I AM LOOKING

South of Midnight

- ooo swamp

- oooo stop motiony animation! i like the style

- baby possum baby possum baby!!

- i love the protagonist's style. she looks cool as fuck

- very interesting concept!

Star Wars: Outlaws

- massive and ubisoft?

- STAR WARSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! WOOO BABEYYYYY

- oh the protag seems cool! i love her little pet

- HEIST PLOT???

- AN EXCLUSIVE??? OH BABEYYYY

- already wanna rp her fr she's gonna be my babygirl who i defend to the death IDC!!!

33 Immortals

- ooh thunder lotus making another game! didnt play their other big one but it looked so nice

- pretty visuals as always tho!

- the death animation slapped honestly

- not my cup of tea gameplay wise buuut looks good

- 33 PLAYER CO-OP???!?!?!? WHAT DA FUCK

PAYDAY 3

- HUH

- do these games have a story?? i've only ever seen multiplayer maps and stuff.

- it looks fun honestly. like siege if it was cops and robbers

- dubstep gameplay edit holy shit

Persona 3 Reload

- ooh anime in unreal engine- PERSONA!

- i played a bit of 5 and i liked it honestly

- idk shit abt it but cool!

Avowed

- oo pirate game

- obsidian?? oh it's gonna be good

- it looks cool honestly. i love their style.

- battlemage combat fr

- i wanna play it

Sea of Thieves: Legend of the Monkey Island

- rare and lucas film???

- sea of thieves and star wars?????

- i mean get it ig!

- i didn't mind sea of thieves but it seemed repetitive

- m o n k e

Microsoft Flight Simulator 2024

- FLIGHT SIM SKFJFKDJD

- okay but the added mechanics and mission type approach seems fun

- it looks visually stunning as always

Microsoft Flight Simulator • Dune Expansion

- desert

- oh. it's dune

- is it bad i haven't seen that or read it? probably

- i mean cool tho! y'all have fun

- theatre experience too??? aight

Senua's Saga; Hellblade 2

- cave! scary. but pretty

- it looks pretty,, i like the character rendering

- the whispering is throwing me off i cant understand shit (and there's no subtitles)

- ohhhh that was trippy

- it's got my curiosity; i support women's wrongs fr (joking)

Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth

- ooh another look at like a dragon?

- OH HE IS NAKED OKAY 😳

- ong wait is he in MIAMI?? IT LOOKS LIKE MIAMI

- HELP HIM!!!!

- oh new game

Fallout 76

- I GOT SO EXCITED THEN JUST "CALL OF 76"

- MY BRO AND I CHANTED "VAULT TEC VAULT TEC VAULT TEC-";#[#*$*$*$*

- Another DLC? Probably

- I don't hate 76 but I am very >_> toward the direction

- Atlantic City??? WE GET A NEW LOCATION IN AN ONLINE GAME????

- 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😡

Path of the Goddess

- ooh capcom. i s2g if it's more final fantasy.

- nothing against the series but man after sgf i'm salty

- okay it looks different. and pretty! love the mythos elements

Forza

- Oh my godddd fucking cars

- i mean cool! i just don't get the racing games 🤷‍♂️

- it looks nice tho? i can't tell what's real footage and what's game tbh

- the cadillac does look snazzy i cant even lie

- ALL THIS FOR 2 CARS?? shit's wild

ELDER SCROLLS ONLINE: Necrom (Shadow Over Morrowind)

- oh shit bethesda

- GOR FAMN IT ANOTHER ONLINE DLC

- eso was boring to me... then again i didnt play much bc paying for live is so tedious

- i am always a slut for this daedra tho. i dont remember his name

- tentacles yum yum

OVERWATCH 2

- overwatch??? fuck that game

- fuck the studio but also just fuck the game. it's not even any different from ov1 they didnt even do pve

- i mean cool heroes and design and lore but man. 😐

- story missions??? yeah right lmao

Persona 5 Tactica P5T

- chibi perdona

- cute style! see my last persona notes tho

- no new thoughts, looks aight

Starfield

- bethesda 3!

- the music is giving outer worlds.... tell me y'all hate that obsidian did better without telling me LSJDKDKD

- i mean. okay! it looks decent tho i can't be too mad

- it's got me curious about the story and lore if anything. i love space games 😌

- even the gameplay looks good... hm.

Jusant(?) // Font was hard to read

- ooo this style is nice. reminds me a bit of road 96

- i love the little blob. feeling very much cuteness aggression

- gameplay looks nice too! dunno about the lack of ui but maybe that's trailer purposes

Still Wakes the Deep

- ooh the water looks pretty

- so does the interior

- IS THIS A HORROR!!!

- im curious!

Dungeons of Hinterburg

- i thought this was the postal worker game honestly the style was similar

- it looks cute! again not my cup of tea but yea!

Cyberpunk 2077: Phantom Liberty

- KEANU!!!!

- YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

- SHOW US. SHOW US!! SHOW US KEANU

- 👁👄👁

- Still mad I won't be able to play it but I'll write my V's canon

- "Johnny, I'm dying. Nothing can stop that" OUGH

- wait... "i can save your life" DLC BASED ENDING???? NEW ENDING????

- Oh this district fucks

- BIG MILITARY MECH!!!!!!! AWOOGA

- NCUSA FEDS!!!!

- SCREAMING AND THROWING UP AND OUGHHHHH

- wait is it not coming to other consoles or?? they only showed an xbox release 🤨

Cities Skylines 2

- oh another cities skylines thing.

- this management system confused me honestly

- but i like watching ppl play it so! huge win

- it looks visually appealing

- curious about 2 because??? what are they changin

Metaphor

- atlus again okay

- is this another personal thing? i really am confused abt this aeries

- doesn't seem like it tho they said it was a new story

- it looks cool tho!

Towerborne

- creator of the who?

- this conematic style is interesting

- looks like a cute fantasy rpg

- nice that it's co-op and such

Clockwork Revolution

- oou bioshock infinite core

- the guy with the mechanical red carpet... iconic

- wait no stop this is looking more like bioshock with the gameplay i'm scared

- oh god oh fuck oh god oh fuck

- bioshock infinite if it was good

- bioshock infinite if it didn't demonize bipoc revolutions against the white upper class

- bioshock infinite if ken levine was dead 😌💕

BONUS

- ooh-be soft??? is it not you-be soft??? i've never heard it said like that

- okay "we made it easier to find new gen consoles" but why stop supporting current gen entirely????

- also the "new" series s... i hate the fully digitalized concept

Then Starfield direct started and I couldn't be assed to write notes

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

Since apparently more people are aware of the MST3K episode than the actual Gor books, first of all that's a good sign, society is healing and all that. Secondly, the Gor books are about a man being transported to another planet where toxic masculinity reigns supreme and enslavement of women is treated as the natural and correct order of things. Every Earth woman who resists is just a frigid bitch who wants to be a man because she's brainwashed by evil feminism, and who swiftly capitulates once a proper strong manly man enslaves her and beats her into rediscovering her true feminine nature. It's rancid misogyny very thinly disguised as sword and planet pulp.

The way Outlaw keeps talking about how the great king Marlenus ended slavery and evil Queen Lara brought it back and where the protagonist explicitly turns down a freed sex slave's advances because it's not love if it's coerced may seem like standard "no duh, slavery is bad" morality of movies like this, but knowing where it comes from, it's like someone wrote it explicitly to show how a pulp story with fetishistic undertones should be written. There's skimpy outfits and whips and cat fights and a sexy dominatrix villainess, but the hero actually fights against slavery and the misogynist professor (who I've decided is an expy of Norman) who openly treats women like sex objects is an annoying twerp who gets locked up and then banished at the end. I highly doubt any of this was intentional, but it makes for a much funner viewing experience.

Death of the author means that I can claim that crappy B-movie Outlaw of Gor (the movie itself not the MST3K episode on it) is in fact a brilliant satire of its source material and no one can stop me.

[le-fils-de-lhomme]

If you're a beauty guru and you have the money why don't you develop a personal style? They all pick the same outfits with the exception of when someone picks out a different color. Why aren't you dressing like every character in Outlaw of Gor (1988) or getting 20 iterations of the poncho from Manos the Hands of Fate (1966)? Come on now!

[silverspleen]

ALERT ALERT.

Favorite channel, which is almost 50% cult classic scifi and horror movies, many of which are hot garbage, and 50% awesome scifi television like Stargate SG-1 and Babylon 5 and Outer Limits and The Twilight Zone does streeeeeaaaaamiiiinggggg. 

Now I can check if thing like Outlaws of Gor, Mutant War, Killer Klowns from Outer Space and a host of other ridiculous things are on as long as I have internet hehehehehe.

[footballghana]

Sofapaka FC handed transfer ban by FIFA after failing to pay Jedinak Nana Ameyaw's wages

Kenyan side Sofapaka FC have been handed a transfer ban by Fifa after failing to pay a former player his dues.

The Wundanyi-based outfit terminated the contract of Ghanaian striker Jedinak Nana Ameyaw in January 2021, citing "continued dismal performances".

Ameyaw had a year remaining on his contract and, via the Professional Footballers Association of Ghana, appealed for the remainder of his wages to be paid.

Sofapaka's transfer ban, which was handed out by Fifa on Monday, will be lifted once Ameyaw has been paid.

"We have every intention of paying the money very soon, it's just we have had problems with funding," Elly Kalekwa, president of Sofapaka, told BBC Sport Africa.

Kalekwa advised that his club would aim to settle its arrears by the end of January.

Football's world governing body - which outlaws the termination of a player's deal on the basis of poor performance - accepted Ameyaw's case earlier this year and said on Monday that Sofapaka "has not complied with its financial obligations in accordance with the decision from Fifa".

Ameyaw is claiming $12,000 - the total value of his annual contract - plus interest, and $1,000 in legal costs from the Kenyan Premier League side.

As a result of the non-payment of this amount, Fifa has banned Sofapaka from registering new players internationally and has requested that the Football Kenya Federation (FKF) implements a domestic ban on the club registering new local players.

The FKF is currently being run by a government-appointed caretaker committee.

Sofapaka become the latest Kenyan club to be handed a transfer ban by Fifa after Gor Mahia recently received a similar sanction, its second this year, after also failing to pay a former player.

Source: bbc.com

source: https://footballghana.com/

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Gotham” S2E1

Yep.  Back at it again.  Not in chronological order.  Whoopie...

Also, I have watched sections of this episode before as part of preparing for the Jerome Reborn arc in S3 but not all of it so while it’s technically a rewatch, it’s not a rewatch.

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post. 

Ermagherd der Bertcurve!

“Bloody hell.”  Bloody hell, indeed!

“There must be a million possible combinations, Master Bruce.“  Type in your birthday!  That’s a popular combination.

One month later?  Wow!

What the heck happened?!?  What happened?  Just a terrible fallout from the S1 finale?

OOOHHHH IT’S VICTOR [Zsasz]!

Pretty sure this song is about heroin... but I dig it.

AN:  It is

*ends up head bopping to it three seconds later*

Helloooooooo Jerome...

What... the heck?

Why is Jim a traffic cop?  What happened?!?  Seriously, what happened?!?

Is he [Zaardon] literally wearing an umpire uniform?

*Zaardon pulls a sword*  Noooo my God, is that a real sword?  That does not look like a real sword!

Noooo, that looks like a real sword.  I don’t know...

Seriously, what happened?!?

"’Zar-don,’ that spelled how it sounds?”  “Two A's.“  Hahaha!

“Hear me, Gor-DON...”  GOR-DON!

“The master will unleash hell upon you.“  Someone unleashed hell on YO HEAD!  What happened?!?

Ah, OK, Ed does look better without the glasses.  Kind of.

“ [Stop] Copying me [Ed]!”  “Dude it's a mirror, that's how they work.“  Hahahaha!

“You know what I think we need?  I think that we need a little more fun. Some romance.”  Eeugh...

“I told you, leave Miss Kringle alone.”  “Imagine her in our arms.  Those big eyes looking up at us, and soft trembling flesh.“  Nooooooo, nope, this is getting weird...

Why is Commissioner Loeb still here?

“Commissioner, this is not just.“  EXACTLY!

“[Essen] Take Officer- Mister Gordon's badge and gun. That's an order.“  Noooo!

“This is all for the best, though.”  Screw you [Loeb]!

“Some men are just not meant to be cops.”  Screw you!!!

*flips off screen with both hands*

What the... heck?

*jams out to opening theme*

“Oh, there’s things I [Jim] could do.”  “I [Lee] thought you said you didn't have any legal moves left.”  “I don't.”  Please don’t tell me he’s gonna go work for Oswald, I swear to God, Jim!  NO!

Meanwhile at Arkham Asylum...

He [Jerome] slicked back his eyebrows... hahaha!

“Whatcha in for?”  “Killing my [Barbara’s] parents.”  *in unison with Jerome*  Me too!

AN:  I'm gonna take this opportunity to kinkshame all the Jerome and Cameron Monaghan fans in “Gotham”... whenever he does stuff like stretch his face out.  But unless kinkshaming is your kink... you’re welcome.

*basically ends up reciting some of Jerome and Barbara’s back and forth dialogue*

Pfftt.... Hahahahaaa!

Jerome in the background’s like “Hmm hmm!”

“You're [Barbara] bad....”  “Yeah, so why don't you [Jerome] go make me a sandwich.“  Hoo hoo hoooooo!

Selina, what are you doing working for Oswald?

“Jim! Come on in!“  *on the verge of losing my voice*  Jiiiim, what are you doing?!?

“Isn't she [Selina] darling?  It's like having a cat around the house.”  We know she’s Catwoman!

“I'd [Oswald] call us even, but let's not quibble.“  He [Jim] owes you like two favors!

Has Oswald had spies follow Jim?

“What does Lee think?”  Yeah, how does Penguin know about Lee?

“I [Oswald] want you [Jim] to prove to me that our friendship is a real one...”  IT’S NOT!

“Ooh, slow down, slurpy!”  Harvey says as he pours Jim another shot...

Godd, are we gonna get drunk Jim in this episode?

*Jim and Harvey do a brotherly headbutt across the bar counter*  Aaww....

“You two [Bruce and Alfred] are dirty.  What have you been doing?”  “I [Bruce] imagine you [Jim] have something important to say.“  Haha!

Oh my gosh... Bruce has grown up so much since the end of S1.  Wow.

“Surely, sometimes, the right way is also the ugly way.“  But it’s Penguin!

*Bruce opens the “Batcave”*  Please bring up the theme music!  Or did they shut it off? 

Man..  I wanted to hear theme music for the Batcave!

*Bruce beats the crap out of the lock in anger*  Duuude, what are you doing?!?

Barbara’s looking at Richard [Sionis] like “You are disgusting...”

“[Jim Gordon’s] Supposed to be a cold stone hard-ass.  But you're Penguin's bitch, huh?  Who the dickens can you trust anymore?“  Uggh, that’s gonna piss him [Jim] off...

“To Don Falcone, I'll pay. To that fruitcake leprechaun?”  Hahaha what?

Oh my God, Jiimmm!  No!

Jim, what why why?

That weird camera angle again!

Jim, whatcha doinggg?!?!??

*Jim shoots Ogden*  That’s murder.

Ooooohhhhh snap!

Yeah, you don’t have a badge anymore so... that’s just murder!

What’s the fertilizer for?

“I [Bruce] wanted to present it as a fait accompli.”  “Don't start talking French to me [Alfred]!”  Hahahaha!

“Maybe we should wait until you're older.  I mean, who knows what your dear old dad was up to down there, anyway.“  Was he [Thomas Wayne] a Batman before Bruce became the Batman?

“I'm [Bruce] building a bomb to blow down that door.“  *laughing* Oh my God...

“You [Alfred] may assist me or not, as you wish.  But i-if not, some tea would be nice.“  *scoffs*

What’s a tarpaulin?

AN:  Just a fancy word for tarp

Alfred’s like “Fine, I’ll go but I’m gonna complain about it the entire way!”

Jim just looks piiiiissed!

“You OK, Jim?“  No, he’s not!

“Oh yeah.  Daydreaming.”  LIES!

“What’s wrong?”  “Nothing.”  ALSO LIES!

“We [Jim and Lee] could go away and never come back.  What's keeping us here?”  GOTHAM!

Isn’t that like part of the established drinking game yet?  Someone’s like “Oh, let’s go away!” and someone else is like “No, I can’t.  Gotham!”

Is that... Commissioner Loeb?

Oooooohhhh ho hooooo!

There we go!  Turn on the lights!

*Victor lifts up the head of Loeb’s guard*  OHHH my GOd!

*jaw drops when Victor makes the head ‘talk’ to Loeb*

Peanut butter!

Careful, Loeb, you’re gonna bust a forehead vein with all that anger.

“But that does lead us to this sad pickle.“  A sad pickle...

Gotham in a nutshell:  A Sad Pickle

“Want me [Victor] to kill him now?”  “No, make him [Loeb] a nice cheese toastie.  Yes, kill him now, please!”  Hahahaha!

*sings along with the male choir at Loeb’s retirement ceremony*

“Please welcome distinguished businessman, visionary scientist, acclaimed philanthropist and new chairman of development at the Gotham Chamber of Commerce, Mr. Theo Galavan.“  Hello youuuuu...

Loeb’s just like “Oh my God, what have I done?”

WHAT HAVE I DONE/ SWEET JESUS WHAT HAVE I DONE/ BECOME A THIEF IN THE NIGHT/ BECOME A DOG ON THE RUN

*The Arkham inmates clearly aren’t impressed with Zaardon*  HahaHAHAHA!

“I [Theo] haven't lived in Gotham very long, but I already love her like a native.  It just- it just kind of grabs hold of you, doesn't it?”  Meanwhile the natives of Gotham are grumbling into their pamphlets.

“There's magic here.  Magic.  And that is down to everyday heroes like Gillian Loeb.“  *starts singing “Magic” by B.o.B*

“My best wishes to Commissioner Essen.”  Yaaaaayyy!

Jerome’s just like “Oh my Godddd...” in the background when Richard’s telling his story.

HAHA I love the reaction of all the inmates [toward Zaardon]!

What is that?!?

Ohh, Tabitha!

Seriously, what is that blue stuff?

AN:  Knock-out gas

Man, Essen dies in the next episode!  Uggh!

What’s that painting in the background [in Theo’s office] behind all the inmates?

It’s like “Castle”:  you can tell what season of “Gotham” you’re watching just by Jerome’s hair.

Or, in extension, Cameron Monaghan’s hair.

“Well, that sounds fabulous, but I [Barbara] am not a brilliant outlaw.  I just have... mm... issues.“  Yeah... yeah, that um- that sums you up.

*Richard turns down Theo’s offer*  Tabitha’s like “Oooh, buddy, no...”

Shaking her head in the background!

“Oh I [Theo] had such high hopes for you [Richard].  I didn't anticipate sexual jealousy. That always poisons the well.“  Oh hooo....

*Tabitha kills Richard* Oh dang.

“Anybody else wanna leave?”  No.

*in best Sean Pertwee accent*  All righty then, mate, we’re blowing up this door!

Fire in the hole!  *makes explosion sounds*

Oh my God, they’re [Bruce and Alfred] actually blowing it up!  They’re blowing up the door!

*Bruce and Alfred celebrate and high five each other*  Hahaha!

*sings*  Sec-ret laaairr... sec-ret laaiirrr...

“Unless you [Bruce] feel a calling, a true calling.“  Batman!

That dun-dun-dun-dun music in the background sounds like the "Batman Begins” theme.

Jim’s like “Ah, back to justice.  At last!”

*jams the crap out to the ending theme*

[mst3kproject]

519: Outlaw

I don't want to talk about the Gor books.  I don't think I need to talk about them – there's plenty to mock in Outlaw without going into its source material.  Anyway, if I were going to talk about them I'd have to read them, and everything I've ever heard about them tells me that I definitely don't want to do that.  They sound like a Fifty Shades of Grey for basement-dwelling misogynist nerd stereotypes.

A couple of assholes named Watney (no relation to the guy who got left behind on Mars) and Cabot (no relation to the author of The Princess Diaries) are on their way to a bar when they are forced to make a detour into another dimension.  Fortunately, this is a sequel: Cabot has been here before and so rather than dying of thirst in the desert, they find their way to the cardboard city of Coroba. There, the two become embroiled in a plot by Queen Lara to murder her husband and seize power.  She imprisons Watney and the rightful heir, Princess Talena, and sends a bounty hunter to capture the escaped Cabot.  After much pointless wandering around, the conspiracy is revealed.  The bounty hunter kills Lara, Cabot marries Talena and becomes king, Watney is sent back to Earth, and Zeno the High Priest does basically nothing despite being played by the only cast member anybody in the audience has ever heard of.

Quick Note: the 'desert snake' that appears in one shot appears to be a Burmese python, a semi-aquatic species that lives in the rainforests of southeast Asia.  They could not have gotten that more wrong if they'd tried.

Besides that stunning failure of herpetology, the thing about this movie that most sticks in my mind is the kissing.  Cabot and Talena share several kisses.  They're supposed to be epic and passionate, but there's something weirdly mechanical about them, like we're watching exaggerated stop-motion animation of a kiss. It's as if neither Urbano Barberini nor Rebecca Feratti have any actual experience of kissing, and are trying to kiss based on having read an anatomical study of the muscles involved.  Gross.

After that, the second thing I remember about the movie is how incredibly fake everything in it looks.  Cabot's flashback tells us that Gor is a harsh world, and it breeds harsh people – this is supposed to be a gritty, raw, half-savage place, where the aristocracy wallow in decadence while the common folk toil in the mud, and where death is always a just a hair away.  The sets and costumes are admittedly elaborate, and there is at least some unity of design (unlike, say, Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell, where they just used whatever they could find in the prop warehouse), but everything looks like it was made in a high school art class.  King Marlenus' crowns appear to be made of cardboard and hot glue, spray-painted gold.  Talena and the 'Leather Women' look like they're wearing bondage gear from Spencer's Gifts, while the dancers are in 'sexy genie' Hallowe'en costumes.  The entire city of Coroba is built out of plywood, except for the parts that are built from styrofoam (hence why the slaves are being worked to death in the styrofoam mines).  That stupid 'lizard woman' face painted on the wall looks like the work of a twelve-year-old who has just learned how to grid out facial proportions.

The biggest problem with Outlaw, however, is one that only becomes obvious after a little thought.  Having pondered the film's story for a while, trying to figure out why it seems so pointless, I eventually realized – it's because Cabot, our ostensible hero, never does anything.

Well, that's not quite true.  He does a couple of things, but nothing he does ever matters.  He beats up some sand Nazis when they first arrive on Gor, but that has absolutely no connection with the rest of the plot.  He gets himself and Watney to Coroba, where he is conveniently present to be framed when Lara murders her husband.  Afterwards he flees into the desert where he and his sidekick Hup get lost and wander in circles for a while.  They find a group of slavers chasing people in the middle of nowhere for some reason, and stage a jailbreak which frees exactly one slave.  Then they're caught by the bounty hunter and taken back to Coroba, where both Lara and Zeno try to bargain for Cabot's loyalty and fail.  The villains lose not because of him, but because they turn on each other.  The whole movie could have happened just fine even if Cabot never bothered to show up.

It's not like there weren't opportunities for him to do something.  Cabot could have gotten the slaves in the desert camp to rise up against their captors, and then rallied them into an army to storm Coroba.  He didn't do that.  He could have snuck back into the city to free Talena and get the support of the people to put her on the throne.  He didn't do that either.  He could have pretended to join forces with Zeno against Lara, or Lara against Zeno, or just killed Lara when she tried to seduce him.  Didn't do that.  He could have led a revolt in the styrofoam mines after the cave-in sowed discontent with the regime.  Didn't do that either. Cabot seems to spend the whole movie waiting around for a chance to do something heroic, but every time one arrives he lets it pass by.

What about any of the other 'good' characters?  An old wizard called the Elder was the one who brought Cabot and Watney to Gor, in the hopes that they would accomplish something.  He gets stabbed by Lara before he can tell them what.  Talena spends most of the movie in a dungeon.  She maims a couple of dominatrices but that's about it for her.  Hup follows Cabot around, complaining about how hot, hungry, and lost they are.  Watney, too, rots in jail, out of sight and out of mind, for ninety percent of the film – then at the final showdown, he announces to the public that Lara murdered King Marlenus.  This is what brings about the end of the movie, as the bounty hunter kills her with a spear and Cabot and Talena are able to become King and Queen.  That's right, folks – the only ‘hero’ character in the movie who does anything directly to overthrow Lara is fucking Watney.

Watney deserves some kind of award for being probably the most hateable single character ever to appear on MST3K – and that's saying something.  His competition includes such nails-on-chalkboard specimens as various Gamera kids, the peeping soldiers from Attack of the The Eye Creatures, and Mitchell, but Watney blows them all away.  He's a sexist pig, a whiny asshole, and a fucking idiot combined.  Lara promises to make him a king and he seriously expects her to follow through on it, even still shouting threats at the guards who drag him away.  Yet at the end, when he, Cabot, Hup, and Talena are all about the be executed, he's the only person who responds proactively.  The movie would have ended the same way without Cabot, but not without Watney.  I guess that makes him the hero.  What a horrible thought.

So much for the good guys.  How about the villains?  Zeno mixes potions and has passive-aggressive arguments with Lara, but she gets fed up and kills him before he can really take any action against her.  Lara herself is a cartoon character – she's evil, and that's one hundred percent of her personality and motivation.  There is exactly one line in the movie that hints at a backstory for her. She claims that she had to learn the hard way that power is all that matters.  This suggests that she may have been a slave herself before rising to her current position, and if it had been explored a little this could have made something interesting out of her.  Historical parrallels could be drawn to Anne Boleyn or Irene Sarantapechaina, a former concubine using royal authority to punish those she feels have abused her.

But nobody else in this movie has more than one dimension, so why should she?  She seems interested in nothing but power for its own sake.  The reponsibilities that come with wielding it are entirely immaterial to her – she just wants to tell people what to do and then watch as they are forced to do it regardless of whether it actually makes any sense.  In fact, a number of the things she does, such as ordering the slaves to be locked in during the cave-in at the styrofoam mine, seem to have no purpose beyond exercising this total authority.  It's as if she wants to be surrounded by people who despise her, while she enjoys the fact that they can't do anything about her.  Imagine if she had a twitter account.

Then there's the most nonsensical character of all, the bounty hunter.  I think his name is Horst.  Lara hires him to bring Cabot and Hup back, he does so, she pays him, and he leaves.  It seems like his role in the story is done, but then he turns up again at the finale to kill Lara for no reason other than Watney said so.  I was sure this scene had to be otherwise motivated.  MST3K must've cut the bit where we find out she cheated him out of money or something – but no, apparently he just decided that it was time for the movie to end.  Maybe he's the hero.

The movie, however, treats Cabot as the hero throughout, so I suppose Cabot is the person it wants us to emulate.  What does that mean?  I guess it means that when evil appears to have triumphed, all we need to do is keep our heads down and wait it out.  We can put up with other people doing terrible things as long as we don't explicitly support them, and occasionally make some small show of loyalty to good, and sooner or later somebody else will topple the evil for you.  White-Liberal-est movie ever.

See what I meant?  There's heaps to complain about in Outlaw, and I didn't have to mention the books once.

[astro-onechampionship]

ONE Championship Announces First Event In Surabaya

Since 2012, ONE Championship has held multiple successful shows in Jakarta as a mainstay of its busy calendar. However, on 29 July, ONE is adding one more Indonesian destination to its growing list of host cities. 

The Asian giant is headed to Surabaya, the capital of East Java, for the first time to hold ONE: CONQUEST OF KINGS at the GOR Kertajaya Arena, featuring a main event title tilt.

Headlining the card is undefeated ONE Flyweight World Champion Kairat Akhmetov (23-0), who will take on Interim Champion Adriano Moraes (15-2) to determine the undisputed king of the division in a title unification bout.

Akhmetov won the title by defeating Moraes in their first encounter back in November 2015, taking home a hard-earned split decision to claim the belt. Since then, however, Akhmetov has had to contend with injuries, and hasn’t stepped into the cage in nearly two years.

Meanwhile, Moraes bounced back to beat two top contenders, and captured the division’s Interim championship in Akhmetov’s absence. Now fully healed, the two Flyweight World Champions are set to pick up right where they left off in their first bout.

If their initial encounter is anything to go by, fans can expect another highly-technical grappling affair, with Akhmetov’s wrestling and Moraes’ Brazilian jiu-jitsu being the main highlights. Akhmetov will have to be at his best once again to be able to defeat Moraes, who has undoubtedly improved on his grappling since their last meeting.

In addition, 33-year-old Brazilian jiu-jitsu ace Leandro Issa, fresh off a brief stint in the United States, is back in ONE Championship, and ready to face the promotion’s top bantamweights. Issa (13-6) will take on Finnish grappling sensation and former Cage Warriors FC champion Toni “Dynamite” Tauru (11-5-1), in a showdown of elite contenders.

Issa, who has defeated some of the biggest names in ONE Championship, including former ONE Bantamweight World Champion Soo Chul Kim and Russian maestro Yusup Saadulaev, will have his hands full against Tauru, who has proven to be a consistent threat in the division.

Heavy-handed Polish puncher Marcin Prachnio also makes his return to the cage, following rehabilitation from an injury which forced him out of a title fight against reigning ONE Middleweight World Champion Vitaly Bigdash. Prachnio was initially scheduled to take on Bigdash earlier this year.

Now, Prachnio (12-2) is set to make his way back to contention against 35-year-old veteran Gilberto Galvao (29-5-1) of Sao Paulo, Brazil. 

Kicking off ONE: CONQUEST OF KINGS are Jakarta-based martial artists “The Terminator” Sunoto of Indonesia and Jerome S. Paye. Sunoto (6-3) is set to face Filipino boxer Rocky “The Outlaw” Batolbatol (5-3), while Paye (2-3) will do battle against former WBA Boxing World Champion Yodsanan “Little Tyson” Sityodtong (3-1).

In addition to these thrilling matchups, ONE Championship will be paying tribute to Asia’s ancient and celebrated art of Silat. Between all the mixed martial arts action, a Traditional Silat Bout between top practitioners Khamid Wichaksana and Muchamad Fauzi will also take centrestage.

This is similar to the promotion’s earlier efforts in Singapore and Myanmar, where submission grappling and Myanmar Lethwei respectively were given their chance to shine in special showcase bouts.

Additional bouts for the card will be announced at a later date.

[talesofpassingtime]

Poets on Gor, as in my native world, were regarded with some skepticism and thought to be a little foolish, but it had not occurred to anyone that they might suffer from divine madness or be the periodic recipients of the inspiration of the gods.

— John Norman, Outlaw of Gor