#outgrowing places
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My town looks like a toy box
The buildings are too small
The roads seem fake and the people made of wood
I am not sure how this came to be
The only thing that’s real
In this quaint place of make believe
And faded memories
My need to get out
And the ocean breathes life
Into me again;
Isolation
When I go back inside
Destined to die
In a box filled with toys
#delirium and melancholia#poetry#freestyle poem#freestyle poetry#death to my hometown#my hometown#outgrowing places#stuck here forever#trapped
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As comfy as it is, I think you might need a new bra with how it’s tearing LOL. And with how expensive they can be, maybe we can help fund it?
it tore because i accidentally put it thru the dryer and that mesh part is sensitive to heat 😔😔
i will not deny any help with bras but i warn y’all well-fitting bras are pricy asf and there’s a reason i’m sticking w the ones i outgrew 30lbs ago 😭
if y’all wanna help find something… i’m a 44O/42P or, fuck it, a 44P
#ewa michalak is the only place i’ve found bras but they hand make them and. i outgrow stuff far too easily nowadays for that i think#i feel bad outgrowing everything#talk#ask
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Shul question of the day: why are there so many books on our free book table... Is there a jewish book fairy that goes to each shul to give us an excessive amount of books or is my shul just filled with eccentric book collectors who collect very niche books on judaism and need to get rid of them before they take over their entire house
If there is a jewish book fairy, though, could she please grace my bookshelves please 🙏🙏🙏
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#shul shenanigans#there are SO many books on their free book table#it isn't even a pile of free books. it's a whole TABLE with boxes under it with MORE BOOKS#idea: i tell my future kids that there's a book fairy#and when they outgrow their books they can place them somewhere and she replaced them with books that better suit them/their age#or maybe it's like overnight their bookshelf is replaced with books that they may have expressed wanting but haven't gotten#honestly i would have loved a book fairy more than a tooth fairy why couldn't i have parented me LOL#i don't know if i'll ever have kids but this post inspired that spiel
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I headcanon that in an alternate universe where aDitF didn’t happen, Jason joins his college’s football team.
He’d been wanting to play football with his high-school’s team for the longest time, but he was never the right fit (physically) so he puts in the extra effort to build up his body.
Some days feel like his work is finally paying off, and others are just spent scrutinizing himself and every little flaw detail about himself in the mirror.
Bruce is very encouraging about it, reminding him on the worse days that Jason will achieve whatever he sets his mind to, and optimistic that all that work will definitely amount to something. He’s still a growing boy after all, and he’s got a lot of time till college to turn things around. Bruce makes sure to praise Jason’s hard work and give extra tips here and there on what workout or diet regimen could use an improvement.
This also means he has to sacrifice a few things, like avoiding certain foods at all costs, which proves to be a challenging feat for him for obvious reasons. Once upon a time he had to teach himself not to be picky about food because any kind of food at all was a luxury, which most of the time meant he had to make do with least beneficial kind, hence the predicament he was in right now. This, in turn, had caused sever changes to his digestive system and his taste buds. (His body had rejected the healthy food on the first few weeks he'd come to live with Bruce.)
Of course things had changed over the years, what with him having to adapt to becoming Robin. But it was different now, because he had to actively avoid certain foods and it went against a fundamental instinct.
Nothing is too great a feat for him, though.
So then he’s in college, and he's finally gotten into the team he'd always dreamt of one day playing in. Jason's in the field, and the benches are overcrowded with spectators and fans, other students or the family of the other players, an then his eyes lands on his family. Because they never lose a game, always there to cheer him on and raise his spirits specially during difficult matches. Bruce and Alfred can always be seen among the crowd, and Dick, whenever he's in town.
And that's why he can never help turning to find their faces in the crowd when his team wins, specially when he's the one scoring the win, the biggest of grins on his face, looking to share all his euphoria and happiness with the most important people in his life.
#also i always imagine him having moved on from being robin#sort of outgrowing it or smth#and he's not planning on taking up a mask any time soon#not that he's lost the passion to help people or anything#i think it's just nice to see him enjoy being a normal civilian again#well#i mean as normal a civilian as a life of being bruce wayne's son and an urban football star grants you#ugh sorry my thoughts are kindda all over the place cause i was supposed to be writing a very overdue essay instead of this headcanon lol#i'll definitely come back to tweak with and expand this headcanon#jason todd#robin#red hood#batman#bruce wayne#alferd pennyworth#dick grayson#nightwing#my headcanons
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Men who view women as their intellectual equals 😍
#pro tip for the boys: a lot of girls will respond a lot better to a stimulating conversation than to a guy trying to show off#ignore the movies they're lying to you when they tell you you need to be a show off#and if a girl wants that it's maybe not the best sign y'know?#but most girls just want to be treated like we're capable intelligent humans#that's all!! the movies and shit make it way more complicated than it has to be#and yes some girls do make things awkward and complicate everything#but maybe you wanna be careful about that because those girls generally have a lot to unpack#being friends with those girls is fine!! just make sure you have strong boundaries in place#and make sure she's doing some work on herself before considering a romantic relationship#but anyway i've had a lot of men in my life that i feel like wanted to be so much smarter than me#and not to be rude but they weren't?? i was just as smart and sometimes smarter#i didn't care that they were confident in their intelligence but i felt like i needed to dumb myself down#and it. freaking. sucked. i have no idea how i did it for so long#and i would even make jokes about like the guys i dated being smarter than me and nobody ever said anything??#and again these guys weren't smarter than me. that's not an insult to them just acknowledging i'm smarter than i was gave myself credit for#i'm outgrowing the notion that i have to dumb myself down for men and it's so freeing#and you know what really helps me actually? being in college#and especially being in college with so many intelligent men who know they're smart#these guys KNOW they're smart. and not in an arrogant way in a secure and confident way#them knowing they're smart makes them the OPPOSITE of arrogant actually#it's weird but i stand by my observation and it makes sense when you think about it#if you're secure in yourself and your intelligence you don't need to proce yourself by making other people look dumb#these guys are secure in their self-image and masculinity. they don't need women to be dumb and weak to feel strong and intelligent.#and it's so freaking endearing. i love that for these guys so much.#i am just so thankful for people in my life who are taking me seriously and who are helping me to understand i'm worth taking seriously.#wow these tags are long but anyway#guys you don't have to prove anything girls you should never have to dumb yourselves down live long and prosper
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i'm sort of testing out spending a lil less time here :)
#live#i'm not cutting off completely#i just feel like!!!#i've been focusing more on the real lately!!!#and it's been really really good for me :)#this blog and community has been sooo helpful for me#it has helped me grow more than i ever thought it would#and sometimes i feel like i've grown so much#that i've almost outgrown it#like a plant outgrowing its pot#and i don't wanna force myself to stay here if it's going to get to a place where it actually starts hindering that growth#so i'm testing out maybe taking a step back :)#i'll still be on tumblr though esp on my main#and i'll still slowly but surely responding to dms and stuff#just letting you know!!!#:)
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#aahhhh i neeeed to start making a lot more money asap!!!#rapidly outgrowing my enclosure (studio apt) and it's starting to impact my mood when I'm home =_=#making me feel guilty for trying to add things to my life...#kinda wish I'd taken that place in the intl district... it was sketchy but it was also like twice the size of this place 😭
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experimenting with brushes + stumbling on the linear burn metamy
#happy holidays i have secret santas queued up soon so srry for the inevitable spams#my art#my ocs#my sketches#dnd#dungeons and dragons#oh wait none of the other players are here for once OK . complicated explanation:#< you are the only person my age in this very isolated village so im wildly desperate for your attention (may still be?) and-#-friendship. now that we’re older im envious of the fact you have a choice to stay here/your#-greater calling to outgrow this place and i hate you for that so now i have to antagonize you and craft a narrative where i always#always hated you because it’s easier to scapegoat you more than anything else. coughs out a breath >#‘and it’s just like goob?’ Its literally just like goob.
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very random thought but i feel like a lot of adult anime fans would really enjoy more plots centered around adult life? like imagine being an anime fan as a kid/teenager bc you somehow felt connected. THEN also finding that same comfort in anime centered around adulthood which eventually you grew into. im sorry, but the “friendship and determination is all we need to defeat the opposition!” trope and anything akin is a little played out for me personally. (note, i said personally)
like i wish there were more Seinen creators. mappa and the jjk team did their big one and in just the little time the franchise has really existed fr. they gave awesome plot, relatable and/or provoking characters. and all genders approve. i love seeing one side of social media all hyped up about the most recent kill move and then you have those screaming on the other about willingly ripping off their clothes for the 2 second clip of a cursed presence.
and more specifically they did LITTLE but gave us everything with the fanservice. everyone was fully clothed, but they knew exactly how to animate certain movements, speech, drama, and action scene to where it was both appealing yet still exciting. no upshot panties, no cheap breasts pans that make you shift uncomfortably (like wtf.) no weird perverted underlying plot mechanism used as a lazy way to make barely legal characters fuck.
and more importantly, everyone’s a grown. ass. adult.
plus the characters were either really likable, relatable and kin-worthy even, but also thought inducing (and panty dampening). but i don’t know, im not gonna suck the jjk fandom’s dick any longer. i just say all this to say, jjk will just be one of those franchises for the books and any creator wanting to animate more Seinen or adult genres need to take a couple notes
#[ just in—☆ ]#tw messy thoughts#is it their indirect way of saying adulthood is boring lame n unimaginative?#i dunno. but im outgrowing most of my favorite anime#obvi ill always have a place in my heart for them not to be corny but ts got me thru some dark days as a kid.#but rewatching as an adult you can clearly see the…..yk. the problems. the issues.#like i just started watching zom 100#dude was a desk worker turned zombie apocalyptic survivor#MORE OF THAT#i dont even need the fanservice just more exiting and relatable plots
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i feel like giffing has become so boring lately. and maybe i’m just outgrowing this thing (i’ve been doing it for over a decade) or maybe it is the fact that tumblr keeps changing and making it so hard for us to be here. does anyone else feel this way?
#this place used to be fun#i used to sit in my computer and gif for hours#now i open photoshop to make a single gif and i give up#am i lazy / am i outgrowing gifmaking / am i depressed#we just don't know
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this site will never be the same to me until my brother @minatokun returns from the war
until then im just biding my time
#theres actually over 50 people that just dont use this place anymore that i would be talking to via post and whatnot but#ya know this site is easy to outgrow
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#so my characters are becoming EXTREMELY independent and i haven't even finished the first chapter yet#*sharpay voice* 'this is not what i planned' lol#kay specifically is just doing whatever the heck he wants#my original conception of his character was that he was very socially aloof and kind of deliberately cultivated the 'tragic artist' vibe#but currently he's turning out a bit like tom from the glass menagerie and he's trying to be an EXTROVERT. darling you're not an extrovert?#stop being so charming??? where did you get those social skills?? I DIDN'T GIVE YOU THOSE GET BACK HERE#meanwhile gerda is being quieter than i had anticipated BUT not uncomfortable around people#which i think i like for her#she's not necessarily a 'social butterfly' but she gets along with everyone and everyone knows her#she overall is very comfortable with her environment and with who she is#she's not quite a woman but has already begun to hollow out her#own little place in her community to make it a home#(the problem is she doesn't know who she is to everyone else and#what she means to them. and by 'everyone else' i mainly mean kay but he's not the only one#she wants to know how to be of value within her community and what exactly that means)#she knows who she is in her community but doesn't have a sense of who she is on her own#meanwhile kay is so uncomfortable with where he is and who he is. you look at him and you feel he might jump out of his own skin any#minute and shed it like a snake#he feels that the safe haven he's grown up in is confining him like a childhood bed you outgrow#and he's seen so many people leave for good and so many people close to him in abandoning him have apparently found something out there#that fulfills them and is more important than he was to them that he feels there MUST be something out there to fill the void inside him#that's eating him alive#he can see the beauty of his little world around him but he only as representative of the greater beauty that must lie beyond#am i saying abandonment breeds abandonment? i don't know?#and it's this point of tension that lies between them unspoken because how do you address something that integral to your being at that#age? how do you even articulate it? can you even make sense of it in your own head?#but the tension is there and they both feel it and it grows more tangible the older they get and IF ONLY I COULD TRANSLATE IT TO PAPER#anyway sorry feel free to ignore this just working out writing problems in the tags#val's ocs
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Catholicism.
[.... oops I accidentally wrote real analysis in the tags lol]
why is he like this
#les mis#original#the man is just too catholic sorry#poor guy#it's a REALLLLY sad ending if you're an atheist#at least if you believe in God then like. obviously he's going to heaven but if you don't it's like.#OH FOR FUCKS SAKE JEAN [uncontrollable weeping]#he got a new lease on life but that lease said 'you need to at the very least symbolically crucify yourself'.#and he combined that with the self-hatred and isolation that comes with being an ex-con in a society that hates convicts#and so by the time everything is settled and he has nothing else to sacrifice but himself he simply#kills himself in cosette's name and to cosette's utter horror and grief. because if no one NEEDS him then all he knows is self-sacrifice so#it becomes a rather chilling tragedy of what happens when a man is determined to engage in self-sacrifice even when it's not needed#this probably was not Hugo's intention. but to me it's about when self-sacrifice becomes self-harm and that is#the ultimate tragedy of Jean Valjean that I missed when I read it at 15. back when i too believed what my catholic upbringing had taught me.#like I became an atheist at age 11 but the idea that the only way to be a truly good person is to place literally everyone in the world#before myself even if they don't want me to .... I'm still trying to outgrow that at age 30.#and I did not become aware of it being an issue until like my mid-20s.#it wasn't until the past couple years I could actually articulate why the end of les mis was so upsetting to me.#probably bc to me at age 15 it was confirmation that the best thing i could do for the world was to die for it.#when really now what i see is cosette's grief and the utter lack of necessity in Jean's sacrifice and i think how much more beautiful it is#to instead LIVE for one another. because unnecessary self-sacrificial death is just suicide. jean commits suicide bc his belief system#and his trauma and his oppression make it impossible for him to see saving his own life as a moral good.#oh no I've written an actual answer dammit this was meant to be a silly haha post but yeah Catholicism saved him until it damned him#womp womp [uncontrollable sobbing]
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age gap autumn girl fuck you
#laid down on his bed he asks if i’m alright with him locking the door i say should i be afraid of you locking the door he rolls his eyes#i’m watching a pot on his stove we’re alone in his apartment he’s standing right behind me and i look at the glass of his kitchen window#so i can catch his reflection he’s just standing there waiting for his vegan pasta his meatless dish but i still feel like prey this#weekend i shared a hotel room with the kids they came over at night to watch a game and they’re all cuddled up around me they’re all#laughing and laughing and laughing and telling me about their exes and their boyfriends and i’m under the arm of one of them and he says#kitty kitty you’re going to fall off the bed i rest my head on another’s calf and she says kitty your hair is so soft and they’re all#laughing#i keep this in my drafts and a month after it's freezing at night i'm looking up at a man that might be fifty or at least forty five i#ask his name which i don't remember now because i was plastered. i was so drunk i tell him mister whatever-his-name was you're so handsome#and he blushes like i'm the one chasing him and that's because i am. i am laughing with all of my teeth out. he giggles pretty like i've#spent years doing and i ask him what is it sir what is it and he says i'm not usually told that and i nudge a little more i say you don't?#how? you're so handsome i say it in the way they all taught me in the way i've heard it before i keep going until he leaves for his place#but he doesn't invite me back because it's clear i've made him uncomfortable so i frown a little and lean back towards the boy i made out#with the night before i tell him huh old guy won't fuck me and he laughs he says so you really like them older i say yeah i laugh#i laugh and then i say but they don't seem to like me anymore he makes a joke about me having cut my hair short and i say no it's because#i'm too old for them now and he shakes his head do you see how fucked up that is he tells me and i just laugh harder but don't tell him it#is the truth. but not the whole of it. the rest of the truth is in me prowling through the bars another night and making eyes at them#instead of baring my neck when they come at me it's in me growing into a man in the steel of elevators and their sheets in the ac of their#offices and the heat of their cars and outgrowing them not to turn away from them but to become them that salivating beast they all are#all of us are i lean back on walls and show them a hip a boot-ed-on foot that is still small a wrist that is still thin a jaw that still#won't grow fuzz but don't they see right through they see right through this too small costume i've put on for them in the same way i#used to swear i saw through them too i swore i saw them for what they were but without even noticing they've done what they do in movies#and books and songs and middle-school health classes like in every warning that was given to me but here in this far away country i just#laugh and laugh harder when he says it makes sense though i mean i'm older than you too and he's only 24 and he says it so boyishly#almost with a pout and i cackle and he laughs too and there we are and we sound like children there in the street
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Impatient for the world to have a hangover recovery Sunday morning where we all go: we thought American culture was the coolest shit ever for... almost a century? What the fuck was that? LOL
#i'm ashamed i took so long to outgrow it#it has a tiresome and childish self-obsession to it#the peter pan complex country. an eternally unhappy marriage with personal identity#that is 90% because of how you prioritise having a singular personal identity in the first place
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Wild to me that I used to be one of the most devoted bnha fans only for my interest to completely sizzle out with time
#i guess that could be said for most things but even when i outgrow an interest it keeps a special place in my heart forever#bnha just dissapeared completely from my mind even the finale makes me feel nothing rip
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