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marengogo · 3 months ago

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UGH!-8: I Tried So Hard and Got So Far, But In The End, IT WILL NOT MATTER.

A playlist of all angsty songs made by Yoongi

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

Hello my Kindred Gurls, Bois and Enbys,

Not sure how everyone is feeling, exhausted is one good guess, but I am sure there are many more emotions floating around that my tired little brain can’t even recall at the moment. For the good part of last week I was working on a post called 431 Context Not Found about some Big Blue Bird ARMY (aka 3B ARMY or even VPD …) and the way they’ve been dealing with “various things” and just as I was about to resume writing it, I went on the Blue Bird App, and got triggered. So I decided that my 3B ARMY post can wait, and I just had to let this out real quick. As always, my opinions, my rant, my delusional ass. Okay.

Within the context of music, the second you say the word ARMY, everyone may not really know what we are truly about, but they all know who we are fans of. V1P, bl1nks, c4rats, ex0ls, etc, I learned this names because of fan wars which take place daily on the Blue Bird app. In the same way in which I quickly learned that every group has a fandom, but not every fandom has a group, at least not in the way ARMY has BTS, and vice versa.

None of us were attracted to the boys because we saw "perfection".

Sure, if you are a post-2017 ARMY, BTS was that group, the type of group that just kept winning and that whatever they touched turned into gold. However, the moment we all got into the fandom, we all got to properly know the boys and we all quickly found out they were far from perfect, right?

Joonie is smart as hell but some of everyday life skills are still a conundrum for him and an obstacle within life itself. Jin gives Confidence classes, but was the one member who had to learn everything from scratch and sometimes he lets that bother him. Yoongi is literally a musical genius, a very kindhearted man with many silent emotions who is often misunderstood, and rarely understood. Hobi dance master extraordinaire, who is basically scared of anything that moves, but also quite critical of anything that doesn’t move in his life. Jimin, Jimin, jImin he is the one member who is sure to not disappoint on a stage, he owns the presence, but gets so easily lost off of it, trusting too much, but relying too little. Tae vocal range like few, just like is society knowledge, yet many a time, he knows so much, that he inadvertently ends up understanding so little. Jeon Jungkook, Golden Maknae Jeon Jungkook, the boy who can do it all, but is also very aware of what he doesn't want, whether you like it or not.

Because we as ARMY are FAR from perfect, we naturally got close to them, who also are just as imperfect. Yet, we, as Global/Western as we are, never stopped to think what it meant to value imperfection in their world, the East, which still seems to value perfection above all. And that was one of our shortsights, because we are basically citizens of the world, we try our best to include everyone’s point of you into consideration, but you know who doesn’t? Kpoppies. They are aware they stan Asian artists and also transferred themselves into the Ease mentally, so even though they value many superficial things, above all, they sometimes seem to know how to play their game better. When they agree with us that they paved the way, when they fall asleep on WEVERSE, when they do Try-Not-Laugh with us, when they stay up playing games with us, when they are not amused by us, when they scold us, when they randomly start lives … that’s not Idol behaviour. That’s Tannie's behaviour with ARMY.

So no matter how much we want to be there for them sometimes, no matter how much we understand how unfairly they are treated, by their peers, other fandoms, and the world honestly, there is one thing we really must do. WE MUST STICK TOGETHER. We must be united because in this type of rigged game, one of the ways to change the fate of the game is by numbers and realistically speaking, if we could only agree to be on a united front ARMY would have COLOSSAL NUMBERS. Now, this is the post that triggered me:

These people obviously don’t give a flying fuck of how they get to have a connection with the BillBoards. Who cares about the 7 boys who literally worked their ass to make sure that people like this 3 can just stroll on their red carpet like nothing. This, as shown by the tweet below, was an event prepared by Billboard to find the next BTS. These people are literally ALL THERE for an event that is aimed at finding someone who is better than BTS and nobody is batting an eye. They are all seeing it as an achievement … 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡.

Which is when something snapped in my tiny little pea brain.

SK Media and the Big 3 had probably somehow hoped that them going to the military would reduce their power and popularity as it has done with everyone who was ever anyone in their country to that point. YET, THERE IS BANGTAN, GOING STRONG AF. Solos thriving, Documentaries selling, Shows popping, and Accolades piling. It's like nothing has changed. But one thing didi change. The boys are now “separated” which makes them weaker and an easier target in their eyes.

Joonie - From the moment chapter 2 started my man saw no peace. ANY WORD HE UTTERED, ANY PICTURE HE POSTED he was attacked for, hate tweet after hate tweet after hate tweet. I mean … crazy.

Jin - They tried to get him down by interfering with his Paris walk during the olympics or just getting into his WEVERSE lives and making him a martyr for a cause he didn't cause. And now he is being chosen to represent SK, after this whole SK Media debacle … it is tough.

Yoongi - This was in my eyes a setup, but also unfortunately, served to them on a silver platter. Not really a DU1 per say but every fandom and all K-media will endeavor to keep using this against him and the band.

Hobi - The boycotting of his album unfortunately was quite the success, which is a pity because HOTS is a darn good album. And now he is about to get out in 50 days or so, and Media will be all over him; what will happen?

Jimin - They’ve always targeted his dad, from the very bitter beginning. And now it has escalated to a level that is kinda disgusting. Majority of ARMY are not going to do anything about it, because they somehow seem to be very slow to move when it comes to JM, but hey, what can I say. And let’s not forget all the attempts at ruining his promotion from all the fandoms + 1. Fuck all of y’all for real.

Tae - Whether Tae and Jennie actually dated or not, they were in Paris for a fact. It wasn’t cosplayers, it wasn’t a dream, it was them. But this cannot be used against him as a bone for hungry dogs. Allkpop has been baiting people with a scoop about the matter for quite some time now. It is even pinned on their blue bird profile. He also has the McD picture on his account, which even though it was taken before the boycott it will also be used against him for an endless amount of time.

Jungkook - Not only do we have fandoms of other non-kpop bands getting together so that he doesn't win anything at the VMAs, he still has the Scooter association tied to him which is not going away any time soon.

Bangtan - “Let’s literally call upon EVERYONE in the world to find the new BTS”

They’ve been trying to destroy us, by attacking and singling out member by member, and even just collectively, using boycotters, solos, shippers and some “ARMY” themselves, and they’ve been doing a darn good job so far. I-Army and K-army fighting. ARMY pretending luke shippers and solos don’t exist. Boycotters are still trying to make their way in. Baby ARMY still being born and having no “Parent” ARMY to help them in this times of “war”. It’s all a bit of a mess isn’t it?

So it all looks like shit right now, and it should very much feel like shit as well, like every time you open the blue Bird App, you should feel like wanting to throw your phone out. Unfortunately we can’t get shippers, solos and boycotters to listen but for everyone else, it doesn't matter our present differences, we can keep fighting once the boys are back together, like it is all well and good we all came together for Yoongi, but it ain't’ over. WE NEED TO FIND A WAY FOR ALL OF US TO BE UNITED UNTIL 2025. Us, the fans who believed in the perfectly imperfect boys, who at the same time constantly are surprised by us, the perfectly imperfect fans.

We are the only way out for our boys to be able to get back in.

But in order to win this game, we need to sit down and study all the rules, so we can figure out how to play them at their game. And it is also INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT to understand that no matter who your bias is, as things stand right now, they are stronger as a group, mentally and emotionally, because they are all they’ve got, besides us. FOR REAL. So if you love your bias, uplift their members and you'll see them thriving more than ever, because they are not going to shine, while any of their members are suffering. GUARANTEED. We have less than a year before they all get out and the one thing I think we should probably work on is learning to multitask. We can stand up for Yoongi, while protecting JM’s family, while voting for JK, protecting Tae’s privacy, letting Joonie just enjoy his music, while welcoming Hobi in the least media oriented way, while supporting Jin … 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡. Yeah, it's a lot, but who better than flawed/deranged bitches to carry out a seemingly impossible task?

Always respectfully yours ��🏾💜

Marengo.

#BTS is 7 #BTS has ARMY and ARMY has BTS

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squirsquirrel · 5 months ago

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Birds of a Feather - BBS

For context, Moo and Vanoss are teens while everyone else is an adult (let me know if this is a wrong thing to do, I honestly don't know. Also, it might change so that everyone is a teen? I haven't thought about this much, honestly). Moo has been sheltered quite a bit and it's implied he and Vanoss like each other. He and Vanoss have special abilities and the following drabble is a random event that occurs in the life of the group (most, I think, will be Moo-centric). It's likely others will also have special abilities, I just haven't figured out what yet.

Punday

"So, what? You're into dudes?" When Moo didn't respond, Wildcat shrugged. "Hey, it's no big deal if you are or not. I like men and women, but unfortunately got stuck with that idiot over there who no longer gives a rat's ass about me."

"What about me?" Nogla asked when Wildcat pointed at him. "What did I do?"

"You and your 'Christian values'. And gay people."

"Hey now, I've got nothing against gay people. I just don't wish to partake in those activities."

"And by 'those activities' you mean when I fucked you so good you were moaning and cumming non-stop—"

Nogla made a bunch of sounds, all gibberish, then covered Wildcat's mouth and going red in the face. "That! Was the old me. This is the new me and if you didn't know," he spoke while addressing Moo, "I have a wife and a soon-to-be child of mine."

"Wow congratulations, Nogla!"

"Thank you, Moo."

"The poor kid!" Terroriser shouted from another room, Wildcat nodding in agreement. "I feel sorry they have you fer a father!"

"Well that's not very nice of you, Brine."

"And neither was your comment about faking love to me, twat," Wildcat spat.

"Not like you cared either, focker!" For a moment the two locked eyes with one another and Moo thought he saw a flash of guilt cross Nogla's face. But all too quickly Nogla turned away and huffed. "Forget it. I'm leaving."

"Yeah, whatever," Wildcat muttered. Thinking that was the end of their row, Moo flinched when Wildcat shouted, "See you next week you fucker!"

Recovering, Moo asked, "Next week? What's next week?"

"Pancake Tuesday. We may have broken up but we always have time for Pancake Tuesday."

"Oh. But I thought Tuesdays were for tacos?"

"Why, just 'cuz they start with the same letter? Then why is Taco Thursdays not a thing?"

"Because, uh…"

Wildcat snorted. "Forget it. It wasn't something you were supposed to think too hard about."

The conversation seemed to die there, but neither made a move to leave. Wildcat was about to reach for his phone when Moo piped up with another question. "What about Pancake Puesday?"

"Pubesday?"

"No! Puesday! Like, replacing the 'T' with a 'P'."

"I don't know," Wildcat responded half-heartedly. "Sounds too much like 'Pubesday' to me."

Moo nodded, fidgeting with his hands and trying not to laugh at the misheard word. Though he must've let out a soft giggle because Wildcat looked at him funny before chuckling as well.

"Puuuubesday… Maybe instead of Pubesday it can be Poosday."

"Ew! Gross!"

"Are you telling me poo grosses you out but not pubes?? Actually… nevermind, DON'T say a word. I realise you are correct in this situation and I don't need to be corrected."

#bbs #fanfic drabble #moo #wildcat #daithi de nogla #terroriser #birds of a feather bbs #uh that's gonna be my tag for me to find lol #do I know what's happening? NAH

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cilil · 3 months ago

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I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THEM TOO AND YOU'RE GIVING ME FEELS😩❤️ (and also thank you for being so sweet, especially about the egg fic, it's very dear to me and one of my favorite things I've written🤗).

If I had to write Gothmog's inner monologue as he falls into that (stupid and clearly Balrog-phobic) fountain it would be "Oh no. Oh shit. Oh fuck." Which is not exactly Shakespearean tragedy material, but what I think is an in-character reaction. Because yes, in my mind he's thinking about all the people he loves and is loyal to and how they need him (not wrong) and how his mentally and physically ill Vala can't even bring him back.

The relief that he won't have to fight Eönwë now probably came as a bit of an afterthought once he was dead (assuming that slain Maiar are not immediately and not entirely dormant)/as an attempt to comfort himself. Though this also comes with the unfortunate side effect of Gothmog's Balrog siblings having to fight Eönwë, which in my headcanons has happened and he was responsible for killing at least one of them. Yet more drama.

(Though don't worry, it doesn't ruin their relationship or anything; knowing that everyone has their orders and the Balrogs would rather die than go to Valinor, Gothmog is weirdly chill about it. But Eönwë will of course assume he hates him for it and angst about it.)

Last words... oooh let me write this down. I could write about that sometime👀

And yes. Gothmog is the biggest softie with his bird boy. Always very careful not to set him on fire. Always keeping him warm. Would take him into a volcano for hibernation if Eönwë was more fireproof.

Omg wait there's asshole Eönwë fanon? The only thing I can think of is "nice guy" Eönwë in the context of Eönwë/Mairon, either doing something nasty to him post-WoW or an AU where he drags him to Valinor - not my default take, but something I certainly entertain for a fic if requested. But otherwise I thought Eönwë was in the clear... well, apparently not. Maybe he's guilty by association due to the prominent anti Valar fanon. I saw someone claiming once that he's problematic for saying a slur. Interesting claim to make about a character with one line of direct dialogue.

The weak and stupid allegations probably come from the Mairon issue as well, but like... is the narrative parallel between Melkor deceiving Manwë and Mairon deceiving Eönwë due to evil people taking advantage of the very mercy and kindness they deny others just invisible to people? I suppose themes are sometimes a bit tough to spot (though Tolkien spelled it out somewhere). But that's what it is. And I frankly think Eönwë - while he will most certainly beat himself up over this in later years - was wise not to continue the cycle of violence. Same goes for his treatment of Maedhros and Maglor. It was simply mercy. The very nature of mercy is that it's not always the smartest or most optimal thing or you get an immediate benefit from it (see also Bilbo and Frodo with Gollum: Technically it bit them in the ass to spare Gollum, but it also allowed for the One Ring to be destroyed in the end).

I also think Manwë very deliberately chose a Maia as his herald who can embody his ideals of kindness and forgiveness instead of some warmongering, vengeful spirit.

Sorry for the tangent, anyway -

A hypothetical duel between Gothmog and Eönwë would make for such a good dramatic fic. I'll write that one down as well👀

Eönwë is the kind of person you never want to be angry at you. And it's really not hard to stay on his good side, but my god, if he snaps you're in BIG TROUBLE. He's one scary raptor and he can take down prey above his pay grade too (Melkor).

As for the egg, I have this headcanon that part of the reason why it even exists is because Eönwë felt so lonely and it then came into his head that if he, you know, allowed something to come from his and Gothmog's shenanigans he would have something to love and take care of at home too, something that's entirely his own and made with love. I hope maybe Ilmarë and Arien are willing to be egg aunties and maybe contribute some sun and star fire to nurture the little phoenix Maia before they started gnawing on high kings of the Noldor (run Ara run)😌

(Same about Manwë and Melkor, also both platonic and romantic. Manwë was definitely very alone with this; normally he can tell Varda and Ulmo everything, but this they don't get.)

Hand on my heart: I have been sitting on a broad outline of an Eönwë-centric character study type long fic and one of its main themes is him struggling with his mental health. There may be some self-harm and suicidal tendencies involved. Because he blames himself for everything that went wrong and hates himself for being a warrior spirit and thinks he deserves to suffer for every single thing he did wrong. He's been spiralling ever since Gondolin and Númenor will absolutely drag him down.

Gosh I love these characters so much, thank you for letting me rant😭❤️

wait wait wait, it took me so long (i was binge-reading all your fics hehe) to realize the romeo-and-juliet type of relationship eonwe and gothmog have going on. its even better because tolkien once envisioned gothmog and eonwe to be the children of melkor and manwe so them meeting up secretly is sooooooo sweet but heartbreaking, like they are on opposite sides, and they know they'll eventually fight each other. but gothmog died first, so how did eonwe handle that. imagining him trying to live after gothmog's death is just asdkjakdakds

You're too sweet❤️❤️❤️

And yes, this is what really sucked me in too once I realized it! We (my friends and I) started out seeing Firebird as more of a crack ship or something that's maybe hot for smut, but then we realized the old Lost Tales connection and the doomed, tragic love and the parallels between them and... everything.

In a weird way, Gothmog falling in Gondolin was mercy for them both. Otherwise a confrontation during the War of Wrath would've been pretty much inevitable, especially if Gothmog had once again been ordered to go after the Elven kings (Eönwë can't just let him kill Finarfin and it's not like he's that terrible of a friend either). They would've fought each other, knowing that they have orders and that the other knows and understands this as well.

As for what the outcome of that fight would've been, I'd say 70-80% in Eönwë's favor, with this being a sort of average between "they duel and it's just them" (which is more beneficial to Eönwë) and "because the forces of evil cheat, Gothmog gets random assistance from other Balrogs" (similar to what happened with Fingon). Even if they refused to kill the other in the end, someone else on their side happily would. One of them would've wound up dead for sure.

Eönwë tries to take comfort in the fact that this scenario has been avoided and soon realizes that Melkor currently can't bring his Maiar back - so Gothmog also stays dead - but that means he no longer has the one person in his life who understands him. In all his other relationships, he has to perform; whether that's actually true or not is another question, but Eönwë definitely feels that way. It's not like he can tell, say, Manwë, Finarfin or Eärendil about his killer instincts and how he sometimes has the urge to hack, slash and dive bomb people.

What makes this worse is that Eönwë also can't express his grief, or at least he has to pretend it's just about Gondolin. How would he explain that he's mourning the evil Lord of Balrogs more than the brave warrior Elves?

It gets even worse in the one verse where he has an egg and now has to hatch it alone (which may or may not even be possible without another fire spirit) and can never tell anyone where it came from.

Maybe Eönwë goes into the War of Wrath so readily because he doesn't have much to lose. He doesn't feel quite at home or connected and has nobody to talk to about it and nobody to make him feel accepted and loved regarding the parts of himself that he always has to hide. But he also can't just... give up. He's immortal. Even if he died, Manwë would still be more than capable of bringing him back. And he has a purpose to fulfill.

So yeah. Poor Eönwë indeed😭

And now I'll go and dig up (pun intended) some Firebird headcanons for Ainur Week

#gothmog #eonwe #gothmog x eonwe #firebird #headcanons

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batfam-slash · 2 years ago

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The minute they’re back at the Batcave, Damian just wants to disappear to his room.

He has to get away from everyone, but his fingers are trembling as he tries to get out of his uniform.

“Hold up, Little D.”

Damian lets out a sigh. He’s ashamed at how much that warm voice makes his heart pound. And when he turns to look at Grayson he just wants to melt on the spot.

“Wanted to say thanks,” Grayson says softly, eyes sparkling. “For saving me. It’s not often I’m the one being saved on a mission.”

It’s like the beginning of one of Damian’s fantasies. He’s imagined this countless times; rescuing Grayson and then beaming with pride as Grayson swoons over him.

Grayson isn’t swooning though. Instead he gives Damian a friendly clap on the shoulder and ruffles his hair, and Damian hates himself for being so foolish as to entertain the idea that Grayson would ever want him like that.

“Don’t think the Demon Brat wants any thanks,” Todd interrupts with a grin. “I think he wants something else from you, pretty bird.”

Damian’s face burns.

He thought he’d hid it well; he thought he’d been strong. But if even Todd noticed, he must be weak weak weak-

Father gives him a fond smile. The smile of someone who knows his son has a hopeless crush.

Grayson just laughs. “What are you talking about, Jay?”

“Oh c’mon, Dick. We all saw the way he threw himself off that building for you. Didn’t even hesitate. He could have died.”

Damian would do it again.

“Shut up, Todd,” he growls. “Your opinion is unwanted.”

“Just saying it as I see it,” Todd says with a shrug. “Nothing wrong with it, kid. You’re seventeen; it’s about time you popped a boner over someone. And everyone pops a boner over Dickie at some point.”

Grayson gives Damian a look that he can’t quite read, and he wants the floor to swallow him whole.

A few years ago, Damian would have responded to a disrespectful comment from Todd by launching himself at the older man and instigating a fight that would earn him a scolding from Father, Grayson and Alfred. Todd would always just laugh it off of course, being the annoying idiot he is.

But Damian now knows how to better push Todd’s buttons, just as Todd clearly knows how to push his.

“I’ve seen the way you look at him, kid,” Todd taunts. “The way you fawn over him like a little puppy desperate for approval. And the way you stare at his ass when you think he isn’t looking.”

That’s the moment Damian snaps.

A few years ago he would have reacted with his fists.

But now he wordlessly marches over to where Drake has been watching this exchange silently. He can tell from the way Drake instinctively goes into a defensive stance that he thinks he’s about to be attacked, and he can hear Todd swearing at him, but a stunned silence descends on the room as Damian grabs Drake gently round the waist, dips him slightly, and kisses him.

Drake is stiff in his arms but doesn’t push him away, clearly caught off guard. Nobody else seems to know how to react, so Damian just keeps kissing him. He’s big enough and strong enough now that he can support Drake’s weight, and if this were happening in a different context it might actually be quite nice.

“What the fuck,” Todd says eventually.

That prompts Damian to pull away and set Drake upright, because he’s pretty sure he’ll be the one getting punched if he carries on. Todd looks murderous.

“See?” Damian hisses angrily, his eyes blurry with angry tears. “You don’t know a thing about what I want.”

He’s very aware of everyone staring at him, and Grayson just looks sad. The awkward silence fills the room again.

Damian gives Drake what he hopes is an apologetic look, and Drake gives him a reassuring smile. It’s the first time that Damian has noticed that Drake is almost as beautiful as Grayson.

When he feels the tears on his cheeks Damian turns on his heel and heads back up to the manor, ready to die from his humiliation.

#damidick #damitim #jaytim

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skeletonsweatshirt · 2 years ago

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How about something with Vander! What’s his morning routine like? Maybe something with Vander and his s/o? Only if you want to ofc!

I CAME UP WITH AN IDEA FOR THIS AS SOON AS I SAW THIS

Vander's morning routine with his s/o

Vander x gn!reader

Tags: DOMESTIC FLUUUUUUFFFFFFF, Big guy lovin his partner, im so gay, I didn't proofread this, I was too tired

A/N: I am currently in a lot of pain so I'm laying in bed writing because its fun. Enjoy the domestic fluff people, I know I do. Also excuse the fact this post is a bit shorter than the Silco one, it's just there's only so much you can write about a morning routine, especially with a man as busy as Vander.

Context: For these headcannons I am imagining you and Vander living together, whatever stage of your relationship you are at.

He 100% wakes up earlier than he needs to just so he can cuddle with you for a bit before he actually has to get out of bed.

When he does get out of bed, he always leaves you with a kiss on the forehead and I mumbled "Love you" into your ear.

I see Vander as a man that has a long ass morning routine despite not seeming like it.

He showers every morning, cleans up his beard, deodorant, cologne, the whole nine yards.

I mean he owns a business and is the figurehead of the undercity, he has to look good.

Even if you don't get up as early as Vander, he is still usually in the house by the time you get up.

To be fair at that point he is usually fully dressed and almost finished making breakfast for the both of you, but it is a pleasant 30 minutes you guys get to enjoy together before Vander has to go work.

Vander is actually a really good cook. No matter what he's making, it's always delicious.

Vander is always really touchy right before he leaves, because if you don't work at the Last Drop, he won't be seeing you for a few hours, so he wants to make the time with you last.

Even after he leaves, you think about him all day because Vander leaves notes around the house reminding you about different things that either you often forget to do, he forgets to do, or they're just cute little notes reminding you how much he loves you.

As your eyes crack open, slowly adjusting to the sunlight that was beaming in through your ajar window. You haul your comforter over your head in an attempt to capture the few fleeting minutes of sleep you have left. That plan is quickly foiled, however, as the smell of bacon and eggs drifts down the hallway and into your shared bedroom.

You groan softly and gradually get out of bed. You start your walk out of your room and towards the kitchen, only taking a few moments to stop in front of your vanity mirror and tame the bird's nest atop your head.

Just as you reach the end of the hallway, whatever thoughts you may have been having previously are interrupted by Vander's cheery humming and his brief "good morning" as he continued on cooking.

You sit on a barstool right by the counter and gently rub your hands over your face in an attempt to wake yourself up. You let out a sigh just as Vander slides a plate of delectable-smelling food right under your nose.

"Eat up, honey. Maybe it'll help wake you a bit." He stated, sleep still evident in his voice despite how long he's probably been awake for.

You slowly take the fork he included with your dish and poke at a piece of egg before lifting it to your lips, briefly blowing on it, and popping it in your mouth. Vander soon joins and takes the seat next to yours. Your early morning brain can't help but wonder how that little bar stool can handle holding up Vander, who is probably 90% muscle at this point.

You both continue eating, exchanging small conversation and random early-morning small talk. Vander seems to be eating faster than normal, and when you finally let your eyes wander to the clock hanging above the stove, you realize why.

Although it seems Vander beat you to the thought as he stands, deposits his dishes into the sink and he makes his way over to where you sit, arms open in anticipation of a hug. You're hesitant to give it to him, you know once he gets his after-breakfast affection he's going to have to leave. You hate when he has to leave.

"Come on, love. I'm damn close to running late." He had now woken up a bit, but it barely changed his gruff accent.

You groan as you cave in and bury your head into his chest, allowing your arms to wrap around his middle. Vander was always so...comfy. If you hadn't just started to wake up you would fall asleep right there. But you can't, not when you have to get ready and Vander needs to leave.

"Have a good day, Van." You coo as he leans down and steals a goodbye kiss from you.

"You too, honey. I love you."

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ryuichirou · 4 years ago

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Hey hun. So, I wanna ask, how does this last chapter made you feel?

For me I felt angry, then disappointed, then I just gave up lol. I'm gonna separate my Eren from whoever was that in chapter 139.

Also, will you stop making Ereri works? Pls don't! Your Ereri arts are what give me the zeal to write fanfics. Heck, it's because I saw one of them that I had the courage to dabble in this ship.

Sorry for the long ass message.

Anonymous said:

Coming for an AOT fan who isn't a shipper and from someone who likes Eren's character but doesn't see him as a big bad or Saint. The whole him being in love with Mikasa the whole time feels so freaking out of no where. And again not pissed cause of ships or stuff like that. I just feel like this is fan pandering.

Anonymous said:

I'm so confused...Eren didn't shed a tear when he sent that titan to kill his mom but he immediately broke down into tears on the ground when he heard that Mikasa might marry another man. What is going on...I guess I never understood his character after all sigh.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hooooo boy ok here we go.

We don’t think that it was necessarily an Eremika moment. Hear me out.

Is it possible to interpret it as “I guess Eren likes Mikasa romantically” and call it a day? Of course. But I think it’s a huge disservice to both characters to just end it at that and tie Eren’s motivation to wanting nothing but to be with Mikasa, because in that case he would’ve ran away and we would’ve had ourselves that cottagecore fantasy from the last chapter.

The thing is, it hadn’t even clicked as an Eremika romance confirmation to us before we read people’s reaction to it. We just laughed at how Eren throwing a tantrum is similar to how we see him – he’s being so hilariously selfish and capricious there.

We think Eren doesn’t want to die and be forgotten, and he knows that he is going to be forgotten eventually once his friends move on. And Mikasa loves him more than anyone in the world, so if even she moves on, it’d mean that no one is going to think about him anymore. Dying is scary, and what I see is a childish “I don’t want Mikasa to move on, I want her to think about me and I don’t care if I sound like a dick”, not “I want to kiss and hug Mikasa and actually I’ve been in love with her for years”.

I’m not sure why people are tying the rumbling to Mikasa and talk about how Eren simping for her resulted in this mess. It’s always been about Eren’s closest friends whom he wants to be happy and live a long life. He said it himself, and the story was heavily hinting on it, so Eren’s confession about all of it being for his gang didn’t surprise us at all. He just gave her a present (that dumb fantasy thing) as a means of gratitude for killing him and, more importantly, freeing Ymir, something along the lines.

We also need to keep in mind Isayama’s intentions in all of it: frankly, we don’t know for sure what he was trying to say, so we really look forward to any comments, interviews or any other content that would give more context or explanation. Maybe he was an Eremika shipper all along and forgot that he didn’t like the idea of childhood friends dating, who knows, but it really doesn’t feel like it? To us personally.

+ Why is it a bad thing that Eren did the rumbling for his friends? I don’t think that the fact that he had motives makes anything worse or better: once again, we kind of guessed that his plan was to make his friends into heroes that defeated big bad Eren. The idea of “uniting against the biggest evil” was discussed in SnK a lot of times, and it felt like the only solution to this situation. We’d be happy if Isayama came up with something smarter than our own ideas, but lol

To the Anon that talked about Eren not getting as emotional over his mom’s death: maybe I’m blind, but I felt like he almost had a breakdown when he was talking about it, and he’d have definitely started crying if Armin didn’t grab his hand and stopped him. He was already tearing up.

When he talked about Mikasa, it was almost a comical moment: Eren sat there with his butt in the water screaming like an idiot. It was an embarrassing thing to say, this is why he got so emotional. And technically he started crying while he was talking about not wanting to die. I think it’s natural for him to cry there. It still feels more like “I don’t want to die and be forgotten” than “oh no Mikasa’s going to kiss another boy”. But Mikasa is dear to him, and his friends are dear to him, he’s just a person and he wants to live and spend time with them, because this is what makes him happy.

I don’t know. The only thing that’s bothering us now is whether or not Eren had romantic feelings towards Mikasa, because it really would be out of nowhere.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to feel disappointed and that no one understands Eren’s character but us who think he doesn’t act ooc: everyone can feel whatever they want and have their own opinion. But I personally feel like a lot of disappointment in the fandom comes from wanting Eren to be more… I don’t want to say chadish, but I guess chadish. He’s just a very tired teen.

If we’re wrong about his feelings towards Mikasa, then sure, we’ll disown the manga from the high horse we’d put it on. We’re not saints, we don’t like this stuff, and it’s very easy to throw Isayama and our love for the manga away, no matter how much time and love we’ve dedicated to it.

(Oh, and to answer the question about us continuing drawing Ereri. The chapter didn’t change how we see characters or ships, and we don’t really care about canon ships, so nothing is going to change. Well, maybe there will be more bird smut lol but I really appreciate the fact that our works inspire people to create and to dive into the world of Ereri and other ships <3 thank you very much for that)

#replies #snk meta #eren yeager

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bangtan-madi · 5 years ago

Text

on the 6 a.m. train — kim taehyung

Pairing — Taehyung x Reader

Tags — best friend!Taehyung, older brother!Jimin, unrequited love, one-sided pining, a realistically happy ending, eventual friends to lovers

Genre — angst (like a shit-ton by my standards lol), fluff at the end

Word Count — 5.9k

Summary — An unrequited love is the most difficult to get over, especially when the healing process is interrupted by another's sudden revelation.

Warnings — language, mentions of infidelity

Soundtrack — Drown by Boy In Space

Request — @mytaetaey

A/N — Okay love, you wanted this to be super duper angsty so I hope you like it lol! I think this is the saddest thing I've written for BTS thus far, and I usually don't do angst so...fair warning I couldn’t help but write a happy ending lol. Now, if you'll excuse me, I intend to write fluff only for the next week. (Also this ended up being so much longer than I originally intended so sorry for the delay in finishing!)

There comes a moment in every person's life that they must decide whether or not the one they love is worth giving up their own happiness for. The line between the healthy amount of support and care that loved ones give each other is often convoluted, never easy to see, only ever clear in hindsight. Sometimes it takes time and distance away from that person for you to see whether or not this pain is worth it.

You desperately need that time. You crave that space. The past seven years, particular the last six months, have been full of secret longing and wholehearted adoration towards a certain person who never returned your feelings. It hurt you to see him look at you as his best friend's little sister, and it absolutely crushed you when he looked at another woman with desire.

The way he looked at her, you wanted that.

But no longer.

Gripping your suitcase tightly, you turn and step up the stairs, onto the platform of the train station. The sun is just rising over the cityscape, bringing a subtle hint of gold across the buildings. You will miss Seoul and all her beauty. The way the birds chirp at dawn, the way the city sings at night, the fact that all your best memories are here.

You shake your head and focus on the near future. Your home has been Seoul for the last seven years, but before that, it was Busan. And that coastal haven calls to you once more. Your birthplace and family are awaiting you at the end of this train ride, and that fact makes leaving a little easier. There are few things that your mother's kimchi and your childhood bed cannot fix.

In your pocket, your phone buzzes for the umpteenth time this morning. You looked at it the first few times the calls and texts came in but have ignored it ever since you saw the context.

Don't go, your friends begged. Please stay. He feels the same. He's an idiot for not seeing it. You don't have to go, [Y/n].

You hadn't told any of the members where you were going, when you were leaving, or if you were leaving at all. All they know is that you're gone from the dorms in the morning when you usually join them for breakfast, and all your most important belongings are gone. The only two people you've told of your choice are your mother, who has known of the whole situation or some time, and your boss at BigHit, who agreed to let you work remotely for a few weeks.

Nothing they say will change your decision, so you retrieve your phone from the pocket with the intent to turn it off. The screen illuminates once again, and you read the contact name.

Him.

And below his name, a message:

"I called your mother. She told me where you were going and where you are now."

You swallow hard at his words, and another text pops up.

"I'm coming to you. I've been an idiot. Please don't get on that train."

You look at the time of arrival on your ticket, then at the clock on your phone. The train is ten minutes out, as you arrived early, and you pray to god that it arrives before he does.

Your decision has been made; you are leaving Seoul, your friends, and the man you love unrequitedly behind.

To strengthen your resolve over the next few moments, your attention shifts to the events of the past six months, every single thing that has led to this decision.

"We love you, Army! See you next time!"

You could hear their voices from the stage. Even from behind the scenes, with the crew rushing about with the last seconds of the show, Namjoon's voice was crystal clear. It had been a long night of performing, and you were worried that they had overexerted themselves on their last stop of the tour. They were all beyond exhausted, and you knew Taehyung always pushed himself far over his limits. From backstage, you could tell him fading between their songs.

A few moments later, the lights turned off, and the music began to fade. The boys disappeared under the stage, out of sight of the Armys, and were instantly ambushed by staff. You struggled to get closer, desperate to make sure they were okay.

You spotted your brother Jimin first. He was covered in sweat and breathing hard, but otherwise he looked okay. Namjoon and Hoseok were in similar states. Seokjin and Yoongi seemed to be tired but overall doing okay. Jungkook looked exhausted and had oxygen placed at his nose and mouth, but his attention was on someone else.

Taehyung laid against the support beam of stage, his breathing erratic and eyes glazed over. He was in terrible shape, and all of the members' attention was on him.

Jungkook shoved the oxygen away from his face and asked it be given to Taehyung. When the youngest started to keel over, the staff member returned it to him with a promise to find another.

You grabbed a spare oxygen mask from the table behind you and pushed through the crowd, kneeling by Taehyung's slumped figure. With a gentle smile, you pressed the mask portion to his mouth. "Breathe in, Tae. Just breathe. You're a little low, is all."

Taehyung did as you ask, breathing shallow, unsteady breaths in tempo with yours. To assist in cooling him off, you shoved the thick jacket from his shoulders and down his arms. Yoongi saw what you were trying to do and jumped in to assist.

"He pushed himself way too hard for the last song," Jimin coughed.

"He always does that for his solo," Namjoon murmured.

Turning towards an employee behind you, you asked, "Can you get me a bottled water, please?"

The girl nodded and ran off, quickly returning with what you asked for. You thanked her quietly and once Taehyung had a handle on his breathing, you offered the beverage to him. "Can you drink?"

He nodded, coughing a bit as you pulled the oxygen away. As he scarfed down the water like a man who hasn't had a drink in days, you ran your fingers through his sweaty and unkempt hair. He always loved it when you did that, said that the gesture made him feel relaxed and peaceful. You did it whenever you could, even if he never saw it as anything more than platonic.

Seeing the red in his face fade as the water bottle emptied, you turned to the other members, all of which look equally exhausted and drained. "Go get changed and wash up," you stated with a soft smile. "He's gonna be okay."

"Are you sure?" Jungkook rasped worriedly.

You gave the maknae a reassuring expression. "I got him. Go. We'll catch up."

Seokjin gave you a knowing look, just as Hoseok flashed a sneaky wink before walking off with the others.

After the roar of the crowd and staff started to die down, it was just you and Taehyung for the next several minutes. Between the oxygen and the water, by the time the others had washed up and changed into traveling clothes, you were bringing him back to the land of the living.

When he blinked away the haze from his eyes, his gaze finally shifted to meet yours once again. You offered a smile as you brushed his unruly curls from his forehead. "Hey there, welcome back."

For the first time since the show ended, Taehyung smiled. "Hi."

"You okay? Do you need anything else?"

He shook his head slightly, pulling himself up into a proper seated position. "'M okay. Just a little light-headed. And hungry."

At the last comment, you laughed and ruffled the curls a bit. "You really scared everyone, Tae, including and especially me. Why do you always have to go so hard?"

The brunet offered a shrug and leaned into your touch. "Just wanted to give the Armys a good show. Especially for the last one, you know?"

"I do," you agreed, "but you have to take care of yourself, too, you big idiot." Your hand dropped reluctantly from his hair, resting instead on his forearm. "C'mon. Let's get you to the dressing room. One of the boys or staff can help you change and wash up if you need it. Can't wait too much longer. Our plane leaves in a half-hour for Seoul."

Taehyung gave a dreamy smile as you mentioned South Korea, a place none of you had been in months since tour began. "Mmm, that's right. We're going home." He allowed you to haul him to his feet, keeping a steady arm around his waist to help him carry his own weight. "You didn't have to stay with me like that. I'm sure it was scary. Another staff member could have done it."

You shook your head adamantly, gazing up at Taehyung. Even covered in sweat and over-exhausted, he looked stunning in the dim stage lighting. "I had to make sure you were okay. Someone's gotta take care of your stubborn ass."

The twenty-four-year-old gave scratchy laugh at your retort, coughing slightly halfway through. "What did I do to deserve such a great friend?"

In his compliment, your heart stung a little.

Friend. Of course. What else would you be?

The phone buzzes in your hand, bringing you out of a six-month-old memory. Taehyung's name flashes brilliantly on the surface, and in a moment of weakness, you answer.

"Please, don't hang up. I didn't think you'd actually answer, but now that you have...please just..."

"What do you want, Taehyung?" you ask, keeping your voice monotone and controlled despite the roots of hurt spreading in your chest.

"You're on the six a.m. train to Busan, right?" Your lack of response gives him all he needs to know. "I know I'm cutting it close, but please, don't get on that train before I can talk to you. I owe you that. Please, [Y/n/]."

Tears form in your eyes, but you push them away. "You've been cutting it a little close for six months. I don't want anything from you; you owe me nothing. I—I need to go."

"No, no, please. Don't leave just yet. I know I've been stupid and blind and an absolute idiot. I've been absent from your life and haven't put in the work with our friendship the last six months. I didn't see that you were hurting, and I didn't see that my feelings had changed in the last seven years. I wasted so much time, especially the last half-year, on people and things that didn't really care about me. I don't know how to make up for that."

Your brows furrow angrily, and you grip the phone tighter. "You should have thought of that before you started dating her."

As it turned out, Taehyung met his girlfriend at that very concert. She was a special guest, another idol from an extremely popular girl group. You hadn't realized it at the time, but that night sparked something between the two idols that eventually led to a full-blown relationship.

After the flight back to Seoul, Taehyung was rarely at the dorms. When he was, he was giddy ad blush-y and very puppy-like. It was clear to everyone, especially you, that something was different. So when he told the group a few weeks later that he'd met someone, no one was shocked.

"Her name is Sun-ji," he explained one night as you both were clearing the kitchen of takeout trash from the meal. The rest of the boys were doing other things, but you wanted to spend time with one of your closest friends. One you felt you hadn't seen in weeks. "She's been on break from tour with her group, just like us, for the past month. She went to our concert in Tokyo! That's where I ran into her before the show. We just hit it off and...I really like her, [Y/n]. She's nice and so pretty and she gets me."

You bit your lip and forced your voice to stay even and your face to remain joyful. "She sounds amazing, Tae. I'm...really happy for you."

Taehyung flashed his infamous boxy smile, ecstatic at your false approval. "I really hope you'll like her, too. I wanna bring her around sometime soon, just to hang out or something."

"Sounds nice." You brushed the last of the styrofoam containers into the trash. "Look, I'm tired. I have an early day tomorrow. I'll see you later, I guess."

"Goodnight," he calls after you.

"Yeah, goodnight."

Hurrying to your dorm room, you quickly slipped inside and shut the door behind you. As soon as you were in the privacy of your own space, you let the tears cascade. Every emotion you'd pent up the entire night, ever since Taehyung brought up his girlfriend for the first time, let loose. You laid on top of your covers, curled up into a ball, and let the night take away any hope you had of that being your role.

You had waited too long. You'd let your fear and lack of action take away your chance to tell Taehyung how you really felt.

Now it was too late. He had someone else. He had Sun-ji.

And he was sickeningly, overwhelmingly, all-consumingly enamored with her.

"That's on me!" Taehyung's sharp reply comes as a surprise; it's the first time you've heard him upset at you in a while. You used to bicker and fight all the time, before Sun-ji that is. Ever since she came into his life, it was you that was consoling him after their arguments.

And those were not playful and silly, nor were they fixed with a simple apology and tight embrace.

"I know I fucked up! She was not who I thought she was. She's manipulative and controlling, and I didn't see it until I was too far in. She took be away from everyone I cared about: you, the members, my family, everyone. She was poison—"

"—That you willingly went back to, time and time again!" you snap, earning stares of other people at the station. "Six months, and do you know how many times I saw you crying because of her? Do you realize how many nights I had to pick up the pieces of your heart after she broke it? She cheated on you, and you still went back to her! I never, ever would have done that, Kim Taehyung."

"I don't have an excuse or justification...other than I was blinded by the good times."

"I know, but even in those times, I knew it should have been me," you reply, your voice tearful. "I was jealous, that's true, but when I saw you smiling because of her, I knew I could make you happier. I could make you happy without the baggage or pain or guilt that she brought with her. Or if not me, someone else! Hell, anyone else would have been better than her."

There's a pause before Taehyung sighs heavily. "Do you remember the first night you found me crying?"

You nod, even though he can't see, and shuffle where you stand. The memory is an uncomfortable one, but one you'll never forget. "Yes."

"I should've left her then. Not the second time, or the third, or two weeks ago when I finally cut her off. I should have stopped seeing her right then...and I should've seen how much I cared for you."

Your eyes close, and a few tears fall down your cheeks. "Too little, too late, Tae. I'm glad you cut her off, I really am, but I have to go. I hear the train. Please, don't try to stop me. You'll only make this worse for everyone."

"[Y/n], wait—!"

You end the call without hearing the end of his sentence. Turning your phone completely off and slipping it back into your pocket, you wait out the remaining couple minutes in memory-induced silence.

You found him curled up on the sofa, a blanket laid over his child-like figure, eyes and nose bright red. He'd been crying for an hour at that point and assumed he'd have much more time to himself as the other members and you weren't supposed to be home until the evening.

How unlucky he was that you had left the studio early. When you departed, you were exhausted, but now seeing Taehyung in such a vulnerable state, you were instantly revived. Hurrying over to kneel by the side of the sofa, you pulled the blanket down from his face.

"What's wrong?" you inquired, brushing your fingers gently across his cheek.

Taehyung wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve and blinked his tears away. "Shit, you weren't supposed to see this."

"But I have, so tell me what's wrong."

The brunet sighed and shook his head. You could tell by the way he was breathing and the way his eyes were watering that it was taking every ounce of strength he had not to break down again. "Sun-ji and I had a fight, that's all. I'm okay."

Your free hand rested on top of his. "Are you?"

Between your reassuring touch and concerned voice, it only took a few more seconds for Taehyung to crumble. His whimpers returned with the tears, and he reached out for you instinctively. You allowed him to pull you into the sofa with him, into his arms that caged you against him. The space was small, but with half of his frame lying on top of yours, his face buried into your shoulder, you made it work.

Though surprised at his sudden show of affection, you knew it was coming from a place of hurt and need. He needed someone to comfort him, someone he knew that wouldn't hurt him or push him away. Whatever Sun-ji and he had fought about, you resisted the urge to curse the woman for putting your best friend in such a state.

Curling around him, you nestled your arms around him and rubbed soothing circles along his shoulders and spine. Every now and then, you pressed a chaste kiss to his messy hair and whispered sweet nothings. Over the next half-hour, his sobs faded to sniffles once more, and his grip on you loosened to a comforting cuddle.

"You wanna talk about it now?" you asked, feeling his grow sleepy against you.

As you reached down to brush his tears off his cheeks, Taehyung turned his head so that his nose pressed against your neck. "I think Sun-ji is cheating on me."

Your entire body grew rigid at his whisper. "What makes you think that?"

"I saw her texting flirty stuff to someone who wasn't me. And the other night, at an event, she was sitting really close to one of the idols she'd performed with in the past. I think they used to date, but the way she was touching him...I..." He trailed off and shook his head slightly. "I confronted her about it, but she said I was being overprotective and territorial. So...we fought."

Not knowing what to say, you simply held him a little tighter and hoped that your touch was a comfort. "I'm so sorry, Tae."

"She made me feel like I was seeing things, like I was making things up or...or that I was stupid or something." Taehyung sighed heavily. "I mean, it's been three months. I thought...Well, maybe it is me..."

"No one should be treated like that. And for what it's worth, you're one of the most observant people I know. You don't see things that aren't there, you don't make things up, and you're far from stupid. She the idiot for treating you like this, or making you feel like you're not enough."

Taehyung gave a small laugh at your response. "You really don't like her, do you?"

You shook your head. "Not when she treats you like this. You deserve better."

"So do you," he murmured. "Seriously, [Y/n], you're always there for everyone, especially me. You deserve the world. I know you've said you're not really interested in dating right now, but if you ever change your mind...just be sure they're not going to break your heart. It's not worth it."

You bit your lower lip and rested your chin on his hair so he couldn't see your face. If he only knew how you'd gone against that advice for seven years now. Loving your best friend without them loving you back, that's enough to break anyone's heart.

The train can be heard before it can be seen. The high-tech piece of mechanical wonder speeds down the track at several hundred miles per hour, finally delivering on the promise of escape. Another minute and you'll be on your way to Busan.

"[Y/n]!"

Taehyung calls your name like it's the last thing he'll ever say. Voice loud and deep, he shouts it once more. As you turn, you see him bounding down the side of the platform. His eyes are wide, and his chest is heaving from the run. The station itself is expansive, and the platform is far from where he could have driven. He's come all this way to see you, and that alone is no easy feat.

You clench your jaw, trying to maintain your resolve as he approaches. "I asked you not to come."

"And I didn't listen." Taehyung slows and stops a few feet away, giving you some of the distance you asked for. His face shows confusion and guilt, some of which you're sure is there due to him showing up despite your request. "I couldn't let you leave without telling you how I feel, and not over the damn phone. In person."

"Don't play with me, Taehyung, please," you murmured, keeping your eyes away from his.

"I'm not. I'm completely serious." He takes another step closer. "Do you know why I finally broke it off with Sun-ji?"

"Because she's an unfaithful bitch who had it coming?"

He shakes his head. "No. If that were the only reason, I may have given her another chance. I would've hated myself, but you know how I give too many chances." A pause. "I broke up with Sun-ji because I realized...it finally hit me that I wasn't in love with her. I was never in love with her, and I never would be. And it hit me again that this was because I was already in love with someone else. Someone who's been my best friend for seven years, someone who's been there for me when I wasn't there for myself, someone who's been my strength and backbone ever since we became friends. I was head over heels for the only girl who's always been in my corner from day one."

The weight of his confession hits you. The longing expression on his face, the tears in his eyes, the emotion in his voice, all of it is heavy and meaningful and everything you've wanted to hear. And yet, you hesitate in your response. "I...Tae..."

"You don't have to say anything," he assures softly. "Just let me talk, then you can do whatever you want, I promise." After taking another step closer, Taehyung's lips tug at the corner to create a tiny smirk. "When I finally broke down and told the others, they called me an idiot. And I have been, for not seeing you until now and for not seeing that you felt the same. Your brother called me a moron, and I can't blame him. I don't know why I'd been so blind for so long, but now that I see you, I refuse to let you go without telling the truth."

He reaches for your hand, and you allow him to take it. His grip is tender and gentle as his fingers lace through yours. Taehyung's brown eyes have always been a weak point for you, but the way he's looking at you now—as if you're the only person in the world—is enough to make you shiver.

"[Y/n], I love you. Not just as a friend, but as something...something more. All that time I wasted with Sun-ji, I should've been spending with you." His grip on your hand tightens, as if giving emphasis to his confessions.

His gaze drops from yours as he continues. "I know our lives are crazy...and love is confusing and I'm doing this in all the wrong order, but please let me prove it to you. Give me the chance to treat you like you deserve. It's taken seven long years, but I finally see that all that time I called you my best friend, I was slowly but surely falling hard for you. It was so gradual that I didn't know it until I was in too deep.

"I know I'm too little, too late," he whispers, a wistful smile forming on his face as his free hand raises to cup your cheek, "but the heart wants what it wants. And mine desires you...if you'll have me."

You feel your cheeks burn as his words come to a stop. Despite not saying a word for the last several minutes, you feel breathless. The platform around you is bustling; hundreds of people are boarding the train, but your attention is solely on the man in front of you. It's like the world has faded away, and all that exists is you and Taehyung and this unnamed thing between you.

And yet, even after all of that, you still feel confused and hurt and lost. It's not as if your heart isn't singing in response to his epiphany; having him return your love is all you've ever wanted. And yet, you've finally come to realize that you need to take a good look at your life and your feelings. That's not something that can happen in five minutes, on a train platform, after a heartfelt confession. You know your feelings for Taehyung are long-suffering and strong, but you owe it to yourself to give both you and him some time to think.

It's such a paradox; the moment your best friend comes to you confessing his love is the moment you've finally become okay with it being unrequited.

The universe truly is a strange and ironic place.

"If you'd said that to me six months ago, I would've jumped at the chance," you finally say. "But now? I just...so much has happened, and even if you didn't love her, you really liked Sun-ji. I don't want you to see me as a backup or a fall-girl. I know now that I deserve better than being a second choice."

Taehyung's features soften at your reply, as does his voice. "You're never someone's fall-girl. You're no backup or second choice. If I thought of you like that, do you really think your brother or the other boys would've let me live?"

"True," you chuckle.

Your best friend mirrors your smile, glad to see the tension fading. "I know I'm over simplifying this, but I'll ask it anyway. Do you like me?"

Your response is immediate. "Yes."

"Do you love me?"

"Of course, I do—"

"—Not as a friend," he clarifies. "As something more."

"Taehyung..."

"Because I do."

His words aren't casual. There's an err of honesty and vulnerability to them. It causes you to let your walls down even more. You reach up to place one of your hands against his on your cheek, while the other drifts to his wrist. "Me, too. You know that, apparently."

"Then what's the issue? I know, it's a childish view on love, but can we just...start over? Start fresh?"

"I want to," you reply, looking up at him and realizing you both are closer than before, a breath away from each other. "More than anything, believe me. But I need time and space, Tae. I need time to think and work things out. I need to sort through my feelings and figure out what I really want. I need to get out of my head and heart and just..." Your sentence trails off, and you lower your head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I'm probably not making any sense."

"Hey, look at me for a second." Taehyung places a reassuring finger under your chin as you glance up. He flashes a mini-version of his signature boxy smile as he says, "If you need that space and time, then please, go to Busan. Go and think about your future and what you want and what you feel. I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do. I've put you through enough. Take the time. Take the distance. Just know that if you decide you still want this—if you still want me—I'll be right here waiting for you. I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to."

"You'd really let me go, even after all that?"

Taehyung nods, though his expression is somewhat sad as he does. "You're a grown woman. You can make your own choices. If that means that you chose someone other than me, or if you chose to stay as friends, I...I can find a way to be okay with that."

An overwhelming sense of love and adoration flows over you, and you lean into his touch a little more by pressing his hand closer to your cheek. "How about...how about you come to Busan with me? I think some time to talk might do us good, away from the craze of Seoul and BTS and kpop. Where we can be just us. What about that?"

Your best friend's face brightens by a thousand, and he moves his hand from your face to his pocket. He retrieves a slip of paper and holds it up with an eager grin. "I bought a ticket in hopes that you might say something like that."

"You weren't going to force me, huh?" You cock a playful eyebrow, and Taehyung blushes.

"I was only going to use it if you decided you'd give me another chance. I wouldn't have gotten past the gate if I didn't."

"You've got balls, I'll give you that," you laugh, rolling your eyes as Taehyung continues to give a cheeky grin. "You really broke up with Sun-ji because of me?"

"Yep. Best decision I ever made--well," he stops mid-sentence, correcting himself. "Actually, second-best. Best was running here from the bus stop. I definitely wouldn't have made it if I took an Uber."

You shove him away with teasing hands, scoffing out, "You're crazy."

Taehyung doesn't let you get far. He chases after you slipping an arm around your waist and hauling you against him. His face comes incredibly close to yours; nose brushes against nose. His eyes dart from yours, down to your lips, and slowly rise back up. "Crazy about you."

"Okay, the cheesy lines are stopping right now, otherwise you're not getting on that train."

His eyes flicker from your face to the tracks behind you. His smile drops, brown eyes growing wider. "Um...about that...we gotta go."

As you turn your head, Taehyung grabs your hand and pulls you towards the train. The automatic doors are starting to close; you both were so caught up in each other and your mutual confessions that you must've missed the last call to board. Taehyung catches up just before it closes, and even though the alarm blares out of annoyance, the sides part once again.

Once you're both on-board, the doors close behind you. Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows and comments, "Cutting it close?"

"Seems to be the theme of the day," you retort, grateful to have made it with both Taehyung and luggage in tow. In a sudden realization, you eye his empty hands. "Wait, you didn't pack anything!"

"Um, yeah! You were going to leave, and it's six a.m. I didn't exactly have time to pack a bag. I barely made it in time to get a ticket."

Suddenly bursting into laughter, you lean your forehead against his shoulder. "I love you, but you are a huge idiot. Looks like shopping is on the agenda for this afternoon."

"Says the girl who got on a train at six in the fucking morning," he grumbles. "But I love you, too." Taking your hand once more, Taehyung presses a chaste kiss to your hair, causing you to look up at him in surprise. All he does is smile, a light dusting of pink across his cheeks. "C'mon, let's get a seat before this thing starts moving."

Nodding, you allow him to tug you to the back of the car, passing by several other people who are similarly attempting to get situated before departure. You find the farthest pair of booths to settle into, far away from the others. Taehyung takes the one across from yours, and helps you put your luggage in other overhead bin.

As your companion settles into his seat, you flash a grateful smile his way. He tilts his head as he responds, "What's that look for?"

"For giving me the time I need," you respond, knocking your knee against his. "And for spending some quality time with me. Feels like it's been forever since it's been just us two."

The boxy smile makes an appearance, and Taehyung pulls your feet onto his lap, a gesture he did often before Sun-ji. "In the end, you'll always be my best friend, [Y/n]. No matter what."

The train begins to move. Within seconds, both of you are on your way to Busan. Eventually, the conversation fades to blissful quiet. Both of you are feeling the effects of a six a.m. train ride across South Korea. Taehyung's gaze moves to the window, sleepily watching the scenery go by until he falls asleep with your feet still in his lap.

Your attention remains on him. Despite being tired, you're far too full of a complex variety of emotions to sleep. Joy and excitement, relief and hope, and love.

Love above all else.

Though it took some time and distance, the outcome is just as you'd hoped. And you knew then, on that homeward bound train, that Taehyung was worth it all.

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foryoumyheroes · 4 years ago

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Kuroo’s S/O is a Phantom Thief

[Persona 5 x Haikyuu!!]

A/N: asdfgh I’m sorry Haikyuu has just been taking over every corner of my mind. This is so self-indulgent, this is my own version of emergency requests because today was a sad day and I didn’t do so well on my quiz.😔 It’s been a while since I’ve refreshed a lot of my memory on P5 BUT IM STILL OBSESSED WITH IT , so apologies if I get anything wrong! This also uses Akira as the Protag’s name.

Warnings: This uses they/them pronouns as usual, but if you are familiar with P5 canon, it does hint that Kuroo’s S/O is afab because of how Kamoshida is and how he acts :// Also, especially if you aren’t familiar with P5, hints of harassment, violence, and sexual assault might come up until the bullet point “Now that the context is over.” There’s nothing explicit, but you guys deserve that warning!

Here’s some ✨backstory✨:

He was probably just an huge fan of Kamoshida, your school’s volleyball coach and former Olympic medalist, growing up. So much so that he almost went to Shujin but ultimately decided on Nekoma in the end.

That’s probably how the two of you met. You were on your school’s vball team and your schools were having practice matches with one another. His eyes probably went 👁️👁️ while his brain went brrr when he first saw you and you spiked a ball in his face because he was too busy staring at you and your form to notice the ball come flying at his nose at 5000 mph. Like oh my god are you an angel. Your form is so fluid yet strong and your jumps take you so high--BAM!

You two ended up trading contact info as you took him to the nurse’s office and ✨the rest is history✨

Used to fangirl over Kamoshida every time he came to pick you up at your school and got you to introduce him. He got an autograph and hung it up in his room.

That being said he does think it’s kind of strange that Shunjin Academy has such a weak volleyball team. He’s like asdfghj he feels so bad for saying it, but some of your teammates get knocked back from a single receive and you get bruises all over? At first he thinks it’s because Kamoshida legitimately tries to work you guys to the bone and then as years go by you get more solemn and quiet about your team.

You do that stubborn Y/N Main Character Thing™ where you keep everything to yourself because you don't want to worry anyone and it drives Kuroo insane.

He’s the type that tries to take care of the people that he values (as seen when he nags/checks up on Kenma) and seeing you physically hurt or emotionally closed off would honestly affect him personally. He wants to help and he wants you to confide in him, but all he can do is nag you about taking care of yourself the moment you see him because you’re becoming more distant.

After a while, he thinks that it’s his fault because his parents’ history still affects him.

Then one day it comes crashing down when you come crying your eyes out to him that you’ve been kicked off the volleyball team because you fought back against Kamoshida and ran off and Kuroo sees red. He’s shaking with anger.

He’s a scorpio so of course all of his emotions are at full force when he hears you crying loudly on the couch after Kamoshida’s attempt and he’s split between wanting to commit murder on your former coach and comforting you.

You tell him everything: how Kamoshida abuses the team, how he always molests the girls, how he started out nice to you because of your skills but recently everything escalated and Kuroo’s heart just drops.

He says, “We need to tell the authorities!! Your principal!!” and that just makes you cry harder because no one would believe you and that your principal is already covering for Kamoshida.

Kuroo honestly thinks that he failed you because he didn’t do anything earlier. He was expecting something, but never took the first steps and he legitimately ties to make up for it by hovering over you the next few weeks.

That night he immediately rips up his Kamoshida autograph and throws it in the shredder.

He moves practice to an hour later to have time to pick you up and take you to Nekoma, he takes you straight to your home every night, and spends his weekends and free time with you. This was routine for several months until tournaments turn up and he has to regretfully spend time away from you.

Legitimately almost beat up Mishima because he was spreading rumors about you but you held your 188 cm cat back.

[One day he walks to Shujin and to your classroom because you weren’t at the gates waiting for him strangely? You turn around and he sees you with three other people which puts him on edge because after Kamoshida people in your school avoided you like the plague.

You just turn when you hear him open the door and you actually smile at him genuinely.

“Hey, Tetsu, this is Ann and Ryuji -- they’re victims of Kamoshida too. And this is Akira, the new kid. They’re my new friends.”]

Then you spend more time away from him while he busies himself with upcoming competitions and he swears that something’s up, but you’ve promised to be honest with him now and he’s too busy with the Nekoma team to really press it out of you. He’s going to “accidentally” hit Kamoshida’s face the next time he sees him on the court.

And then Kamoshida voluntarily publicly admits to his crimes, resigns, and goes to jail and while he thinks it’s strange he celebrates with you.

Afterwards, Kuroo swears that you’re a new person. Not changed, but definitely different, and he doesn’t complain because you’re smiling again, and you feel more confident and free. As long as you’re happy and your abuser is behind bars, then he’s happy.

Now that the context is over.

He doesn’t think much of the Phantom Thieves. He just jokes around whenever people talk about them because he thinks that it’s things out of a fairy tale. Refuses to believe their existence for the longest time while Lev is like :oooo BUT THEY ARE REAL SENPAI!!

You even try to lay low by agreeing with him that they don’t exist.

Kuroo: why are kids nowadays talking about these edgy power rangers.

He feels very bittersweet when you get your new friends. In one hand, he tried very hard to have you get along with his team because in Shujin he knows that you struggled with making friends, but after you made your new friends -- which he’s happy for, he really is!! -- he can’t help but feel like you’re disappearing off the grid?

Like you’re a lot happier now, and he’s glad that your new friends are able to bring you this freedom, but you’re becoming more busy and he’s :(((

He suspects that something’s up though. One day he jokingly punches you in the arm and HIS FIST HURT. He thinks that you’ve been going to the gym without him and you could’ve been spotting each other this entire time.

He gets jealous of Akira the most. Like sure, you get along with the others really well and Ryuji makes you laugh and Yusuke is pretty, you said, but you gush about your team leader the most since he’s the most skilled and Kuroo inwardly feels :/// at the sound of you praising another guy.

You’ve been dropping a lot of dates to fight in the Metaverse and Palaces and so he feels very neglected. He’s mf’ing needy!! He needs attention!

You guys were already long distance and you’ve made it work so far, but as the Phantom Thieves became more popular as time went on, you spent more time with your friends. He misses you, but he doesn’t want to be seen as the possessive, clingy bf so he keeps his opinions to himself, especially since these were your first real friends in a while.

Your first big fight happened when you texted him that you were busy at a study group with your friends, but he just so happened to be in the Sangenjaya district for karaoke with the owl and cat teams and as they’re walking home he sees you emerge from the bathhouse with Akira laughing your asses off.

[”Hey, Kuroo, isn’t that [Name?],” one of his teammates say, pointing across the street at you with Akira. He gulps first and Kenma’s eyes worryingly flash to Kuroo before falling on your figure. Isn’t it suspicious that you were in a bathhouse with another guy after you said you were busy?

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IT WAS FOR THE SOCIAL LINK KUROO

“Guess you weren’t stressing over your physics exam, huh?” a voice suddenly says, beside you.

“Tetsu?”]

You guys ended up fighting all night, but it was getting late so per your rules that you established when you first started dating, you both said sorry to each other and went to bed. Yet, the doubt never leaves.

Honestly, after a while he does think that you might be a better match for Akira because you both lived in the same area, went to the same school, and were both terrorized by the same person. “Birds of a feather” and all that. He loves you but just wants what’s best for you 😢

He’s smart but...yeah. I’m gonna refrain from further comment. It’s that scorpio brain. He would never get that you’re a Phantom Thief until you clearly tell him.

It either comes out when you guys are fighting again and your relationship is on the line, or you either forgot another date with him and he walks into Leblanc to see you talking with your friends.

He tries to take your conversation outside, but you guys were discussing really urgent and couldn’t go with him, and then you guys start arguing in front of your friends and that’s ;;; awkward as hell. When it starts to escalate either you end up letting it slip that you’re a Phantom Thief or Ryuji.

You can practically see the !!!! on top of everyone’s heads when it comes out.

Everyone scrambles to talk over each other to cover it up but the damage was already done 😔

[Futaba: we can knock him out and pretend that he dreamed up the entire thing!!

Everyone: Futaba, no

Futaba yes.]

When it finally sinks in he’s embarrassed af ;;; like the entire time he was doing the provoking act on Akira and for what???

Then he feels relieved. He thought that you were bored of your relationship and that’s why you’ve been busier and distancing yourself.

Kuroo: thank god [Name] has just been fighting crime this entire time instead of wanting to leave me. 😊😊 (but if you did want to leave he would’ve let you go he’s not toxic!!)

Your friends were iffy about him at first, but he does prove himself to be a reliable person! They think y’all r so lovey-dovey it’s gross.

Ryuji: every time he steps into the room for [Name] I feel 10x more single.

If he hears other students of Nekoma try to talk trash about the Phantom Thieves, he’ll legit puff out his chest, walk up to them and go, “HAAAH? WHAT DID YOU SAY?? SAY THAT TO MY FACE.”

When you try to explain Palaces and Mementos he legit tries to argue with you 🙃🙃

Kuroo: BUT THAT DOESNT MAKE S E N S E WHERE’S THE SCIENCE BEHIND THIS. There has to be an explanation make it make sense!!

Damn he thought you were hot before now he thinks that you’re a literal GOD ON EARTH.

[You: [beats up a multi-millionaire in a Palace].

Kuroo: [tears up] real hot girl shit.]

Does your homework for you when you’re too tired after fighting Shadows all day.

He loves Morgana the most out of all your friends!! Because... he’s a not cat. Like c’mon.

In all truth, he’s so supportive of you!! Yeah, he was kinda disappointed that you didn’t tell him sooner, especially since he was there for you when it first started, but he truly understands your reasoning and why you kept it to yourself. He’s worried every time he knows that you’re going to fight Shadows, but can’t help but feel the sense of pride every time you come back to him.

Kuroo wants to gloat to his team that he has such a badass S/O so much, but every time he praises you he has to cut so many details out so he just sounds like a crazy person.

#kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo headcanons #kuroo hcs #kuroo tetsuro scenarios #kuroo #kuroo tetsuro #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #persona 5 headcanons #persona 5 scenarios #persona 5 #crossover #YEA THIS WAS SELF SERVING AS HELL WHAT OF IT #...what did i write honestly...

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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 4 years ago

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Wonder Woman 1984

The first 3/4 of 2017’s Wonder Woman was my favorite film of that year. The last 1/4 was my least favorite film of that year. What can I say, I have a complicated relationship with the DCEU, and the part I keep getting disappointed by is the big smash-em-up, explosions everywhere, muddy mess of orange/blue filter in the “climactic showdown” between hero and villain. I just don’t have the patience for it anymore, and I was so hoping that the Jazzercise vibes of Wonder Woman 1984 would do something different.

As it turns out, this movie was trying to warn me like so many stories that have come before - be careful what you wish for. Just how badly did my wish go bad? Well...

I’d already heard some questionable things about the movie before I tuned in, so my expectations were tempered but I guess it was on me. I should have known better than to wish for a story with reasonable pacing, some kind of consistent tone, villains with discernable motivation, or a Wonder Woman movie that was actually about fucking Wonder Woman. I’m not even mad as much as I am puzzled. That and tormented by Pedro Pascal’s manic televangelist energy in my dreams.

Some thoughts:

I have never wanted to go anywhere as much as I want to in 2020, and the place I want to go more than any other is Themyscira. Love this first sequence. Why is the whole movie not about Themyscira??

If the Olympics were like this whole long Amazonian warrior triathlon, I would be WAY more into track and field.

Also I legit don’t understand the problem with her taking the short path? Like, it’s there for a reason? She just caught up to her horse? Someone explain this to me.

So this mall...basically the hub of American commerce in the 80s that was practically printing money, it made it so fast...is secretly a front for antiquities trading on the black market? And these unorganized-ass dipshit criminals who seemingly just walked in off the street and decided to engage in some light robbery today are after antiquities? Sure, Jan.

Ohh I miss Waldenbooks so much!

This thwarting of crime sequence in the mall feels so...cheesy. Schlocky, almost. Like a 50s comic book come to life. I dunno, it just doesn’t feel like the tone I was expecting. In the context of the whole film, we really blew our action load in these first 2 sequences, and also this is the last point in the movie in which Diana actually resembles her character from the first film.

I would also be stammery and blushy when talking to Diana Prince for the first (and second) time, but I’m kinda getting a gay vibe from Barbara. This meet-cute + date is definitely playing up romantic vibes. Kristen Wiig is so good at characters like these - in less than 2 scenes, I have such a clear picture of who Barbara is, what she wants, what she fears, and that’s all down to Wiig’s choices. [ETA: This makes it all the more infuriating when Barbara suddenly is like “I want to be an apex predator” when nothing about her character’s reaction to getting positive attention indicates she would want to start shitting all over everyone else.]

Pedro Pascal is skeeving me out as our villain Max Lord, which really just shows his range, because normally I love him and find him wildly charming in everything. But he’s playing this oil baron creep to the max, as they would say in the parlance of the 80s, and it makes my skin crawl.

The mechanics of how Steve Trevor returns are wildly confusing. Why is this other guy involved at all? Are we supposed to be ok with the idea of Diana fucking *some other dude’s body* without his consent just because Steve’s spirit/consciousness/whatever is inside the guy? Also that guy DEFINITELY got fired from his job after going AWOL for a whole week, right?

I am thrilled with Steve’s clothes montage. One of my favorite things in any 80s film, and his enthusiasm really sells it.

I do really like Diana and Steve playing detective, following clues, crafting theories. In spite of the absolute dumbassery of how Steve came back, Chris Pine and Gal Gadot have incredible chemistry and I do find their scenes together delightful.

I think that’s why it’s so frustrating to me the way their entire relationship was handled. If the whole point of the wish going bad is that it has a cost, wouldn’t it have been better, instead of making Diana weak, to have Steve slowly start to be more and more of an asshole - aka not the Steve Diana remembered and loved? Make her realize that the Steve she knew and loved is really gone and she has to stop letting his memory hold her hostage. Maybe his last moment of self-awareness would be realizing that this wasn’t who he really was, and she was better off just remembering who he was and moving on rather than trying to hold on to this thing that isn’t good for her?

The sequence with the fireworks made me emotional. The only time I’ve ever been on a plane on the 4th of July was when I was coming back from a visit with my uncle in Dallas. He had flown me, my mom, and my grandma down for a whirlwind trip, and we flew back the night of the 4th. I got to see fireworks from above for the first time, and it felt so magical. My uncle passed away 2 months ago, and feeling that magic again (via Diana and Steve) made me miss him and all the adventure he brought into my life something fierce.

Am I supposed to be like...anti- the idea of Barbara absolutely kicking the shit out of this drunk catcaller who attempted to assault her earlier in the movie? It feels like the film wants us to be like “oh no that’s bad” but my empathy goes on vacation for attempted rapists.

Like...did anyone do ANY kind of fact-checking on this script? The Maya haven’t been “wiped from the face of the earth” there are still 6 million of them living in Central and South America. Escalators were invented in the 1890s for fucks’ sake. PLANES IN THE 80S DONT WORK LIKE PLANES IN 1918. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT ALL THOSE SWITCHES DO STEVE. Also...just because the plane is invisible doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist anymore. Isn’t the whole point of radar to detect things that you can’t, y’know, SEE? Seriously, how many people fiddled with this script until it turned into an incomprehensible mess?

Did I Cry? OK yeah, I did when Diana and Steve had their conversation after they escaped the White House. But I feel like I should have cried more then, as well as earlier when Diana tells Steve that she only wants this one thing. I love Gal Gadot in this role, but I do wish her acting expressed a little more emotional depth and honesty for the moments like this that should really tug on the heartstrings.

I know Wonder Woman is bulletproof, but are we saying she’s also...immune to electricity?

If there’s one thing that living through a global pandemic has taught me, it’s that we can’t rely on the inherent responsibility of every individual person to do the right thing in order to save their community (or the world). So the climax of this film really feels like a big ol’ fictional FUCK YOU to every person who has been quarantining since March as the US government twiddles their thumbs and relies on personal choice to lower infection rates. I know they made this film during 2019 and had no idea what would be coming, but this entire sequence was the most horrifying, short-sighted, offensive way to have good overcome evil I could imagine for a 2020 movie. “Just count on people to do the right thing and everything will be fine!” We’re WELL FUCKING PAST THAT, Diana.

And maybe this is my debbie downer pessimistic ass, but the message “the world is a beautiful place the way it was” feels like some real bullshit. Do you mean the world is a flawed, complicated place where beautiful things exist DESPITE all the violence, inequality, and poverty? Ok, that I’ll buy, for sure. But “Everything was fine the way it was!” is uhh not what I would have gone with. That’s a first draft edit if ever I heard one. Seriously, how did this make it through MULTIPLE studio drafts and no one thought to point this out?

I literally had to go back after the credits were over and rewind to figure out what happened to Pedro Pascal at the end. If I not only don’t care, but also can’t remember what happened to the villain at the end of the movie, that’s a big motherfucking problem.

I was giddily delighted by that first post-credits scene though! Probably the biggest moment of joy I felt during the film.

For being a Wonder Woman movie, it feels like there’s so little actual Wonder Woman IN the movie. The first film is rooted firmly in Diana finding her place in the world, understanding and coming into her power. This feels like she’s a bystander in her own life, and her most significant moments are always in the context of someone else’s narrative arc. And there’s nothing that comes even close to the breathless wonder of that No-Man’s-Land scene, aka one of the best superhero movie moments of all time.

This doesn’t have the knowing wink of Aquaman or the nuanced character arcs of Birds of Prey. It doesn’t have the childish glee of Shazam! or any of the nonsensical grimdark bullshit of Zack Snyder’s entire ouvre. It feels like Wonder Woman 1984 suffers the same fate as its protagonist - a profound lack of presence or drive. Sure there are some fun sequences, and the actors are doing the best they can with a weak script, but it’s just not enough to save it. In a year where I saw so few contemporary films (focusing more on catching up on past films I’d missed), I can’t think of one that disappointed me more.

#121in2021 #wonder woman 1984 #ww84 #gal gadot #chris pine #pedro pascal #kristen wiig #patty jenkins #wonder woman #diana prince #steve trevor

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love-sapphirerose · 4 years ago

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Yashahime: Princess Half-Demon Episode 16 Review

https://www.animenewsnetwork.com/review/yashahime-princess-half-demon/episode-16/.168486

I got a bad feeling about "Double-Edged Moroha" from the moment it started. You'd think, given that last week's episode randomly decided to break away from the story to have a flashback story time with Riku, that the show would take even a scant minute or two to establish things like context and pacing: Where the girls are. Why they are there. Some vague idea about how long it has been since that godforsaken misadventure with the Rapey Mountain Arsonist. You know, the simple stuff that helps the audience figure out what the hell is going on. But no, it doesn't even take a couple of seconds for Yashahime to start screwing up the most basic rules of “How to Tell a Coherent Story”, as we're plunged right into the middle of some anonymous mountain valley or something, with Moroha staring down Yawaragi, telling her cousins that there's some major beef going back three whole years that needs settling. If you don't recognize who this woman is, she's one of the Wolf Tribe members who has appeared exactly one time in the series before now, in a single frame from the very end of last-week's episode.

It honestly feels like something got supremely screwed up in the show's pre-production, and the Yashahime staff realized that they needed to cut an episode right out of the middle of the run, so they took the final scenes from the episode that led up to this climactic showdown between Moroha and Yawaragi, cut everything else that came before it, and slapped it on to the beginning of “Double-Edged Moroha”. Maybe that would explain the seemingly arbitrary placement of the Big Reveal episode from last week? The way it was written meant it could have been aired at almost any time and made an equal amount of sense (read: Not a whole lot), and the only information from “Farewell Under the Lunar Eclipse” that ties into “Double-Edged Moroha” at all is that Moroha ended up with Kouga and the wolves when her parents got sucked into the Black Pearl. If we hadn't gotten that single shot of Moroha being left to the wolves by Hachi, then “Double-Edged Moroha” would have come across as completely nonsensical. As it stands, it's now only 95% nonsense, which is technically an improvement. Good job, I guess?

If you couldn't tell, this was yet another episode of Yashahime that made me absolutely furious with how poorly written and executed it was, but in order to fully explain why, I'll need to cover the events of “Double-Edged Moroha” in chronological order, because the flashback-structure of the episode is stupid and pointless. We begin with the very last flashback, which shows us how Yawaragi attempted to train Moroha in the art of mastering her demonic transformations. We later learn that Kagome apparently placed a seal on these powers in some scene that we never got to actually see because the show was too busy failing at Towa and Setsuna's backstories, but Yawaragi decided to give Moroha the power to transform into Beniyasha with the rouge. Yawaragi then spends years yelling at Moroha for relying on the rouge too much and warning her about how too many transformations will result in her becoming a permanently bloodthirsty monster, so, uh, great call there, Yawaragi. Really thought that one through.

Anyways, one of the days Moroha goes berserk with her Beniyasha self and ends up calling down the wrath of a horde of

terribly-animated Birds of Paradise

before passing out. Instead of doing the logical thing and running away, Yawaragi just sort of stands there and decides they're screwed. That's when a weasel man (who is very helpfully named “Weasel Man”) wanders into frame from literally nowhere and offers to sell Yawaragi the Armor of the Iron Rat he's wearing, so that she can blow up the Birds of Paradise and whatnot. Not only is the completely random appearance of this obviously sketchy weasel not draw Yawaragi's suspicions at all, she also doesn't seem to find it odd that the guy can't even remove the armor himself without getting another person to unlock it with a key. Keep in mind that, for the entire duration of this stupid, stupid conversation, Yawaragi could have very easily just run away from all those birds and hid in a cave or something, but no, she casually takes the armor from the weasel, and wouldn't you know it, the darned thing is cursed to eventually crush its wearer to death unless they pay an exorbitant fee to the smithy rats for another key.

This is, to put it mildly, a very silly chain of events that do not paint Yawaragi in the smartest light, but we just have to roll with it, because that set of Iron-Rat Armor is precisely why Moroha has found herself sold into indentured servitude for the last three years. You see, Yawaragi decided that Moroha needed to complete the “crucible of Kodoku”, which has the eleven-year-old fighting a horde of demons in a spooky cave by herself to…get stronger, and master fighting without relying on Beniyasha, somehow? Yawaragi claims that Moroha needs to absorb the powers of the strongest demon in the cave, but she definitely did not do that, and we've never seen any of these so-called disastrous consequences of the Beniyasha transformation so far, which makes the entire venture basically pointless for our little heroine. For Yawaragi's part, the whole thing seems to have been an excuse to do some gambling with Jyubei, because she previously lost a bunch of ryou in the demon gambling house, which one apparently has to travel through in order to even get to the Crucible of Kodoku; also she needs, like, thirteen Ryou in order to buy a key for the armor that is going to eventually kill her. All of this leads to Jyubei offering to buy Moroha as his own little bounty-hunting slave, which Yawaragi accepts instantaneously, and there you have it: The ridiculous, contrived, and ultimately meaningless explanation for why Moroha has been trying to buy her way out of debt for three years.

Then, the second flashback, which is actually the most recent chronologically, shows us how it took Yawaragi three whole years to get to that damned hidden village of rats, only to discover that Konton arrived just beforehand and killed all of them. Whoopsie! We even get a nice shot of a dead rat mother cradling the corpse of her rat child – a weirdly dark moment that Yashahime certainly hasn't earned or anything – just to remind you that these Four Perils are super evil and powerful (despite the fact that they keep getting their asses kicked by a trio of teenagers who can barely be bothered to acknowledge their existence). Konton makes a deal with Yawaragi that he'll hand over the key if she kills Moroha and the others, and she accepts. “But!” Yashahime then asks, “Is she really going to betray her adopted daughter figure? Or is Yawaragi preparing Moroha for the final and most important lesson of her training?”

The answer is clearly supposed to be that second one, but Yashahime is just so goddamn bad at even the simplest character writing that the point doesn't land. Throughout all of these flashbacks, Moroha and Yawaragi have been dueling one-on-one, with Towa and Setsuna being told to sit uselessly on the sidelines, and Yawaragi keeps insisting that Moroha use her “creative imagination” to beat her, instead of relying on the rouge. This kind of falls flat when Moroha's victory just comes from her busting out a new special move, the Crimson Dragon Wave, which is neither a creative or imaginative resolution to the fight. Every Yashahime fight boils down to some combination of the girls' different special attacks, so why is this any different?

Way late in the episode, Konton suddenly teleports into the fight to gloat at Yawaragi. Nobody else really notices or acknowledges Konton's arrival, though you'd think this is the point where Towa and Setsuna would get off their butts and do something, because it isn't like Moroha's honor would be besmirched by kicking Konton's ass again. The show even forgets to include Konton in the next couple of shots of Yawaragi reacting to Moroha's attacks, even though it is absolutely critical that he be standing right behind her, because when Moroha unleashes the Crimson Dragon Wave, she whips behind Konton to hold him down in an act of self-sacrifice.

Here's the kicker, though: The guy can teleport. Yawaragi just saw him do this, and not thirty seconds earlier! So it shouldn't be surprising to anybody when Konton uses his Rainbow Pearl powers to teleport out of Yawaragi's arms and escapes anyways while the other girls throw some useless attacks at him. So, to recap: The audience learns that Yawaragi created the whole issue of Moroha's Beniyasha transformation in the first place, and she then spent years fruitlessly attempting to undo the problem, including purchasing a deadly set of cursed armor from a random weasel that was traipsing about the forest one day. All of this led to Moroha being sold to Jyubei, which was ultimately pointless because Yawaragi just ended up being coerced into attacking Moroha by Konton, and the one thing that might have made this entire cavalcade of terminally stupid decisions worthwhile – killing Konton – ended up being foiled by random Rainbow Pearl Powers. In other words, absolutely nothing of importance was learned, the girls are not one step closer to any of their goals, and Moroha inadvertently murdered Yawaragi for no reason. It is positively stunning when Yawaragi dies, and the show has the gall to play the moment off like some huge, emotional payoff…except Moroha is more or less fine by the time the credits roll.

Good Lord, this show is continuing to outdo itself in all of the worst ways. I won't damn it with the non-score of Episode 14, because “Double-Edged Moroha” at least has some halfway-decent looking action to try and distract you from how bad everything else is. I did, however, spend far too much time teaching myself how to use image-editing software so I could slap together this dumb meme that perfectly sums up my feelings about Yashahime at the moment. That said, it was probably more time and effort than anybody working on the show spent going over its sorry excuse of a script.

#anti yashahime #anti hanyo no yashahime #anti towa #inuyasha

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 5 years ago

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Humans are Space Orcs, “Cage Canary.”

Was a bit rushed this morning. Sorry in advance. Also I updated the master post yesterday, finally.... sorry about that lol :)

Adam leaned his head against the bars. His stomach growled horribly and his head ached. It was almost like having a really bad hangover accept without the memories of having fun or doing stupid shit the night before. Instead he was suspended in a cage high in the air, watching as the ugly ass prodigum galumphed around the room preparing it for his next ‘guests’.

He would have used a more normal word to describe how the creature moved, except for this thing was nasty Jaba the Hutt level ugly.. Sort of made him feel like Han Solo though he supposed that was supposed to make Sunny princess Leia. The only problem is they didn’t have a Luke Skywalker or an R2D2 to come and rescue them.

He sighed as his stomach groaned.

He glanced over at the other cages making a face at the bleached white skeleton which hung in one, and at the two humans sitting in the other.

They looked horrific.

His stomach growled again.

“Don’t worry.” His cage neighbor said, ‘You get used to it after a while.” “What.”

“The hunger.:

“Do they not feed you?”

The other human shook their head, “No, that’s how it works here. They put us in these cages and then use us for entertainment while we slowly starve to death, and then, once we are dead, they feed on our decomposing corpses..”

The commander made a face, “Shit, that is really, really disgusting.”

She shrugged, “You don’t seem so worried.”

He held up his hands, “I can start crying if that would make you more convinced, but otherwise I don’t see much use in freaking out.”

“I suppose that is a good way to do things. Who knows, the clients might actually like you, and they might bother to feed you longer.”

“How do you make the clients like you?”

She waved a hand, “ignore what the prodigum said, they know a good singer when they hear one.” She patted her throat, “That’s why I’m not going to last long.”

“Tone def?”

“No, I’m actually a voice coach, but due to extenuating circumstances, I’m not supposed to be singing for my own health.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He groaned and leaned back against the cage, “I’m gone in that case.”

She leaned up against the cage, “Why, you tone def too?”

He snorted, “not hardly. I can carry a tune, but I’m not a solo act. I’m sort of just average.”

“For fear of sounding too much like a voice coach. Most people are only average because they weren’t trained to be good. It’s all about breath control, than anyone can be pretty good.”

“Well then I'll just have to-”

He was cut off in that moment as the lights over his head began to flash. He looked towards the door and watched as the doors were thrown open. The prodigum opened his huge, ugly arms wide as his guests entered the room.

Adam stood inside his cage to get a better look displeased when he watched more of the prodigum, burg and a couple of Tesraki. He thought he even saw an Iotin or two somewhere in there, or was that a Gromm. They filtered into the room as the ‘slaves’ were dragged onto the floor.

He pressed up against the bars as he saw sunny being dragged onto the floor.

Both sets of her hands, her feet and her neck had all been chained together. She could barely move, though she was still being forced to carry a tray of drinks.

“Welcome my friends, welcome please come in, we have something new for you today and-” His voice was mostly drowned out by the intervening voices.

He tried leaning closer to hear, and was only able to tell what was going on when the prodigum turned towards him and held out a hand, “Behold, the long reaching arm of my empire.”

There was a sudden muttering around the room as so many impressed clients recognized Adam.

He made a point of flipping them all the bird and spitting out the bars towards one of the burg, who leaped away with a hiss. He laughed, “And there’s more where that came from assholes.”

The prodigum gurgled in amusement the little breathing tubes on the side of its neck opening and closing with a wet sort of slapping noise. The commander grimaced, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, commander. He motioned with one hand towards Sunny, and at that moment he watched as a group of others moved forward grabbing her by the chains and throwing her to the floor.

She choked against the chain around her neck.

“SUNNY!”

“This really is simple, Commander. Behave or she dies. These are the rules. You sing, and when we want the song changed we will throw something at you. Don’t do what we want and your friend here gets it.”

He grinned his floppy bulbous cheeks dangling down towards the ground as the little face tentacles wriggled about in the air, “Now, get to work.”

He glanced over at sunny his first instinct to tell the guy to screw off, but when he looked over at Sunny, and saw her pinned against the ground. Well, he knew he couldn’t do anything. He licke dhis dry lips and took a deep breath.

Perhaps his first song shouldn’t have been an adlipped ditty that began with the line.

Suck a dick

Sung with great gusto and feeling, and definitely shouldn't have been followed up with the line

You big ugly cock sucker

He was stopped a moment later when some random object was launched at his head.

He fell back against the cage, suddenly alerted by sunny’s cries of pain.

He turned over to see the prodigum pressing his hand spike into her back.

He grimaced, “Alright, alright! Stop, just let me think of a song ok.”

Off in the other cage, the two other humans were chuckling to themselves, “Nice On that last line. I really enjoyed the use of vibrato, you know especially on the cocksucker part. Try to get a deeper breath next time though”

“You gonna teach me to sing before we all die.”

The crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the bars, “I’m going to try and keep you alive for as long as I can. For your sake and for your friend down there. I am also hoping, that since you are the commander, you have some sort of panic transponder on you, and that helping you will help me survive long enough to get out of here.”

“Fair.”

“Hurry up human! I don’t have all day.”

Close to panic he began to sing the only thing he could think of in the moment.

The ABC song.

Yeah sure it wasn’t one of his greatest moments, but he was under pressure.

That didn’t go over so well, and he had to duck out of the way as a can came soaring up towards his head.

The party was almost in full swing now.

At a time like this, he had to go back to his roots. When he was a kid, his mother had always been a fan of music from the late 20th and early 21st centuries. He had carried her love onto his adult life, so that’s all he could think of on such short notice.

He went for a little Journey to start off with though he knew he wasn’t nearly good enough to do any of the songs justice. Unfortunately he did not have a nine octave range to work with.

He honestly couldn't help throwing in a few songs with lines like.

I hate everything about you assuming that the context would be enough that he wouldn’t get something chucked at his head, but apparently he wasn’t fooling anyone.

Across from him, the Vocal coach was leaning against her bars prompting him with comments when she could be heard over the conversation from below.

Wake Me Up

Numb

Creep

Iris

It’s Not My Time

“Shoulders back, try breathing from your belly and not your chest, make it deeper, Open your mouth a little more. Try using an O and not an A on that line next time.”

They were somewhere in between Sweet Dreams and Boulevard of Broken Dreams When his voice began to falter. The coach insisted that he needed to breathe better to last longer.

But he was so tired.

His voice was beginning to crack and he was growing light headed.

Below him on the floor he caught eyes with Sunny who was being dragged behind the prodigum.

Unwell

You and Me

Drops of Jupiter

He was dying. Did he even remember what songs were? He was pretty sure he didn’t even listen to some of these, but songs he heard when he was a kid were mostly sustaining him. Most of the songs he knew he wouldn’t be able to pull off.

Kryptonite

One Last breath

My Immortal

He was ninety percent sure if any of these long dead artists could hear him singing from rock n’ roll heaven whey were getting to rock and roll him straight into hell for his egregious sins.

The sound of Silence.

He broke into a coughing fit.

Something hit him through the bars and he tried to control his breathing as he choked back into life.

What now?

Disney songs.

Um hold on? Which ones?

He was going to die here singing Let It Go in the voice impression of a dying toad, and that would be his legacy.

heaven or hell, whichever, was going to be awkward.

He barely noticed when the doors were opened again and people began to trickle out. He only noticed when the vocal coach yelled his name, and he looked up from his state of misery finally allowed to break into a horrendous coughing fit.

“That was pretty good for someone who doesn't sing, but I think we can work on your breathing and your technique, otherwise you are going to destroy yourself. Plus if you keep singing rock songs we are going to have to teach you how to use distortion properly.”

He groaned, falling onto his side one hand clutched onto one of the bars as the cage gently swayed back and forth.

Beneath him, sunny looked up with an expression of worry, though she was dragged away and out of the room before he could do or say anything. He held his hand out, but she vanished out the door.

This was a really shit day.

Krill had been right when he had complained that the commander needed a panic button.

Honestly he hadn’t thought he would be kidnapped again, but it turns out he was pretty wrong about that .

He wondered where the rest of the crew was, and what they were thinking.

Where did they assume he and sunny had gone. Did they even know something was off.

He was so thirsty.

He was definitely expecting to die here.

Because he had no good plans this time.

“You know why they like humans singing so much right?” He groggily turned his head to the side where the vocal coach was sitting her hands clasped in her lap before her.

He shook his head.

“It can affect the emotion of the Prodigum. I know it sounds weird , but I have been watching. The better the singing is, the better it works. Happy songs make them happy angry songs piss them off etc. etc. Even more so than humans.”

“And?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, just an interesting thought.”

He rested his head back on the cage floor.

Sure, being a siren was kind of cool, but being a siren in a cage very much was not cool.

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rokutouxei · 4 years ago

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the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

ikemen vampire: temptation through the dark theo van gogh / mc | T | [ ao3 link in bio ]

The challenge seemed pretty simple: to try to befriend the university bookshop’s most sour employee, Theo van Gogh. As a literature major with a boatload of book recommendations on her back, it ought to be a simple task indeed. But as she uncovers what lies between Theo’s pages, the more she finds it harder to become closer to him without having to put the feeling directly into words. What can she learn from Theo about what it means to stay—and how can she teach Theo about what it means to let go? | written for ikevamp big bang 2020!

[ masterpost for all chapters ]

CHAPTER 6 OF 22

Take hands. There is no love now. But there are hands.

- Laura Riding Jackson, "Take Hands".

When she first started hanging out with Theo and Arthur, Theo had left with her one piece of advice—one very, very important piece of advice: “If you’ll only ever listen to one thing I say, let it be this one: do not owe Arthur a favor, ever.”

Of course, in the usual Theo fashion, he did not give her any sort of context about it, no explanation as to how he had come to that very grave conclusion. Except that he knew he was right. And she was going to ask, but after hearing Arthur’s triumphant laughter at having overheard that—well, maybe the mystery was a little more than worth it.

And just like that, she had tucked that advice off at the back of her mind.

So now, she’s in the bookshop again, 2:00 pm on a Sunday, holding Arthur by the hand asking him a favor.

“Please, please, please, pretty please Arthur?” she begs, shaking his hand side to side as she goes. It is the midterm season now, and leaving your fellow students on their own isn’t really a thing in this university. Where possible, everyone is gathering to have group studies and teaching sessions. She figures Arthur could afford her one. Or seven. “You’ve taken his class, haven’t you? The infamous worst professor of the College of Arts.”

Of course, Arthur has. If he’s going to kind-of-not-really minor in Literature, the way he’ll do it is the way he loves the best: the hardest, most challenging way. Of course, that means he got the toughest classes out of the way first.

“Hardly the worst, love,” he says, with a mock-flip of non-existent long hair. “I’d say that fancy fake British accent woman teaching poetry is much worse than that bloke, but that could only be because I couldn’t stand what she was doing to the syllables.”

“Yeah, sure but—that’s not the point,” she says. “Look, I need a recommendation letter from this grumpy, wrinkled banana of a professor, and I’m not getting it unless I pass his exam. But you know how his exams are, he teaches you the English alphabet and then quizzes you in Spanish kind of exams, I just need to prepare properly and—well,” Dazai’s face flashes before her eyes, “you’re the most reliable one I could ask for? Please?”

Arthur lets out a small overdramatic sigh that’s really entirely theatrics. She knows better. “Here’s to me rescuing your sorry little ass, little miss. I’ll help you, but I have two conditions.”

“Yay!” she claps her hands excitedly and grins. “Yes, any! Give me!”

“First, you’ll owe me one favor.”

“Yes, sure, got you,” she nods.

(From the counter, she hears Theo murmur: “You have made the worst mistake of your entire life,” but she ignores it.)

“And—you’ll bring my old chap Theo.”

“What?”

She and Theo both look up at the same time.

And answer at the same time.

“What?” “Wait, wait, why is he coming?”

Arthur laughs. “Are you both so against it?”

“No, I’m just—curious?” she hesitates. “Does he even want to go?”

Theo and Arthur take a moment to glare at each other, which at this point you already know is the equivalent of them doing a high five or a handshake—it’s pretty much harmless.

Arthur’s flat smile turns into a big grin. He sing-songs: “Theo~”

“I can’t owe you a favor for asking you to shut up,” Theo says.

But Arthur is brimming with confidence when he says, “Well, no, it was a favor to me, so you’ll need to respect it.”

And Theo knows that resisting Arthur just spells trouble, so he settles for glaring even sharper, larger daggers into Arthur’s face, but does not argue: “Klootzak.”

And the Brit grins. “That’s why you shouldn’t try and owe me anything, old chap.”

She blinks and wonders what is going on.

Of course, work in the bookshop doesn’t end, and there are more and more customers looking for supplementary readings (or even distractions) so Theo and Arthur only get to join her after the shop closes at 5:00 pm. She’s announced that she’ll be studying every day at the Little Owl, the café Vincent works in, and Arthur had gleefully agreed to follow instead of having her move places. Besides, Arthur insists he cannot work without the taste of the coffee the cute barista (“not Vincent,” Arthur promises Theo) makes for him. Theo sighs, longing for the quiet and Arthur-lessness of the College of Business’ library, but decides to follow through with his promise.

Theo was alone at the bookshop today—Monday, Arthur’s day off—and so only follows suit to her and Arthur at the café once his shift ends. Vincent’s shift at the café ends an hour earlier than Theo’s at the bookstore, so the two brothers just miss narrowly miss each other. Which is a good thing, because even if Vincent already knows, he would be a little bit horrified if Vincent saw him headed to the two rascals already there. Is this who his brother thinks he hangs out with? No, Vincent, they are the exception, he wants to say, but he doesn’t want to argue with his brother during work.

“Why hello there, dear slave of capitalism,” Arthur greets happily. He’s wearing the glasses he wears when “he’s taking the world seriously,” the one Theo asked him to wear more often, for god’s sake.

Theo shakes his head. “We are slaves to the same bookshop, Arthur.”

“A really good bookshop!” she pipes up, looking up from her little studying set-up just as she finishes writing something down. In front of her, she has an old book borrowed from the library laid out on a book stand, a standing pencil case with all sorts of markers and pens, a notebook, and a little notepad to scribble on. Then, she points at Arthur with her pen. “I know you said don’t owe Arthur favors, but this doesn’t seem to be that bad an idea.”

“It will eventually be,” he says nonchalantly. “Well, don’t let me interrupt in your studying?”

“He’s actually done tutoring me for today,” she says, “so we can actually study on our own now.”

“But together,” Arthur insists. “That was my condition. Also, are you not forgetting something, little bird?”

Theo blinks. She pauses and then gasps. “Oh right! Right!”

She pulls out a lunchbox.

This isn’t entirely surprising on its own, because the two of them had decided to work for a good amount of time, and it might be cheaper to bring your own food than buy over and over again at the counter, even if it’s just a cookie or two. It’s midterms season so the café allows outside food, if for the sanity of its usual customers.

Except.

“I brought these for you, Theo.”

For Theo? But it’s nearly dinnertime, and he won’t be here for long…

Theo cautiously takes the lunchbox but doesn’t open it.

“This isn’t poisoned, is it?” he asks—jokingly.

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Oh, if I wanted to off you, Theo, there are better ways. Open it up, won’t you?”

And Theo does; pops open the little container to peer at what’s inside, and—

The lunchbox has pancakes inside.

Not full-sized pancakes, but small ones the size of poached eggs, fluffy and golden. Theo flushes.

“A little angel told me you liked them,” she says, grinning at his expression.

Theo realizes how transparent he has been about it and glares at Arthur in response. Arthur looks as remorseless as ever to his misery, but—does not claim the act with a smirk or a holler.

But the surprise isn’t over yet, because then she takes out of her bag the smallest commercially-available bottle of his favorite brand of syrup, giving it to Theo. And with a smirk in her voice, she says, “Can’t have pancakes without this, no?”

Theo’s ears are aflame , a deep red. Of course his own brother would betray him. Always looking out for him in the best of ways and then betraying him in the most expected of ones.

Theo takes the pancakes with a gruff Thank you that seems to be enough for her, and then the three of them return to their studying. Not that he does it entirely well that day, because has trouble focusing on his studies at all thinking of how delicious the pancakes she’s brought him actually are.

They study together the rest of the week.

It rains on Tuesday, and the café is more crowded than usual. For the first of three hours they spend there, it is only her and Theo, heads turned low into their thick books. Arthur arrives late because he said he had to take a detour for a “sweet skirt” from the medical department. Theo asks if it’s one of his professors he’s trying to talk into giving him a passing grade for his piss-poor efforts. Arthur does not deny. They pick up dinner at a local convenience store before heading their separate ways home on their respective bikes.

It is still raining on the evening of Wednesday, and Arthur and Theo have to run (without umbrellas, because—well, because they’re idiots) the distance from the bookshop to the café where she is waiting, jumping in between eaves and doing their best not to end up too drenched. Not that it works out that well, because she still looks at them pitifully before ordering the both of them coffee for their little misery. They dry off pretty well though, but they don’t get to stay too long because she insists they go home and actually dry off properly before they get sick.

Arthur finally takes their little study session a little seriously for himself on Thursday. Their usual spot—her favorite spot, mind you—is occupied when they arrive, so they’re camped out at a long table, she and Arthur sitting side by side and Theo across the both of them. Theo’s brought bound books for the past few days, but today he has sheaves of papers (readings, perhaps) and a leather-bound notebook (“That’s when you know he’s down for srs bsns,” Arthur says, and she asks how the hell he was able to say it like it was type-speak in real life). Arthur’s no different, with his thoroughly annotated medical anatomy books sitting in front of him, glasses on his nose.

But Theo… Theo is so distracting.

When they decide to study separately—that is, when Arthur isn’t clarifying a particularly complicated concept or Theo isn’t helping her out by quizzing her—the three of them work side by side in comfortable silence, all working with an earpiece or two on to at least dull the sound of the rest of the café working in their own little worlds. So this isn’t exactly odd; they’ve been doing this since Monday, after all, and if she were to be honest, she’d enjoy it if they did this a little more often in the future, if possible.

So then why… is she so distracted?

Why does she keep looking up from the poem she’s turning upside down with annotations and notes and markings to see if she can sneak a discreet glance at Theo, his eyes trained on the things he is studying? Why does she keep looking hoping she can stare at least a few more seconds at the unusual side of him, none of the crease marks on his forehead when he’s being rude or sarcastic, just concentration, deep blue eyes not straying from the pages through the rim of his glasses. And oh—Theo with glasses is such a sight! She’s not interested in him in that way—no—but by god, does he look different with glasses. Maybe she’s just gotten so used to Arthur with glasses that it doesn’t strike much in her, but Theo—

“Stop staring at me,” Theo huffs, looking up at her and meeting her gaze. His bangs are pulled to the side where he’d brushed them off, the back end of his hair standing a little cutely upwards because he was fiddling with the nape of his neck earlier with his pen, and—well.

It’s hard to not be blown away when he looks like that.

“Oh shit, sorry,” she says, snapping out of it with a shake of her head. Getting caught is such a rookie mistake! “I was zoning out.”

Arthur chuckles next to her. She and Theo pretend not to have heard him.

On Friday, she and Arthur decide to go have a little quizzing session to prepare her for the oral part of her exams. (“Hehe, oral.” “Shut the fuck up won’t you, Arthur?”) They get Theo to work with them as the scorekeeper. She gets a good percentage of the questions right (80%) but she still does not feel confident enough about it. She turns back to work on her laptop with Theo sipping coffee by her side as Arthur leaves to go on a dinner date with said sweet skirt from Monday. Theo repeats the joke, and this time Arthur says, “And what if it is?” They do not know if he is joking, at this point.

When their usual time to go has struck, Theo closes the book in front of him and stretches a little, bending his neck side to side. She turns to him and frowns.

“Look, I know I asked you yesterday we could do the book club today but… can we just skip it to next week instead? I’m really fried after today.”

“That’s fine,” he says, but then pauses. “You work too hard. I didn’t really expect to do it today.” He sips from his already-cold mug of coffee.

“Hey, I actually wanted to do it, alright? I just—I’m writing a short paper on 19th century literature right now” she answers. “For my portfolio. I’m submitting it as an extra right after the exam, and I want it done so I can focus on studying for the exam afterward.”

So that’s why she’s been typing away on her laptop with not much pause after Arthur left. “Portfolio?” he narrows his eyes. “Applying for something?”

“Yeah, the OSR’s scholarship.”

“The international one.”

“Yeah, that one,” she confirms. “I’ve been waiting for a bit for them to reveal the requirements and… I don’t know, it feels like it gets longer and more strict every year. I’m trying to up my chances by having a strong portfolio.”

“I see.” Theo pauses, takes in the disappointment still apparent on her face, and sighs. “Look, if you still want to do the book club—we can do it while we walk home.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really,” he nods. “So if you’re tired, then pack up and let’s go. Schiet op.”

“Geez, just give me a sec!”

By the time she and Theo make their way out of the café, the sun is long out of the sky, the street lit in a beautiful shade of warm yellow from the streetlamps. The both of them live roughly in the same area of town—at the southeast residential side, but pretty close to the center, where the café is—but their houses are still around 20 minutes apart by foot. There is, however, the main boulevard that connects their ways home up until a certain point, so they decide to make the most of it by walking the 30 minutes up to that fork in the road even if she did technically have her bike with her.

“Okay, so, book talk, huh?” she says, digging into her bag to find the Kerouac he’d lent her. His copy of On the Road had weathered down rather beautifully over the years; the paper a shade of yellow just right for the eyes, no mottling of the pages, and despite the red matter cover being dog-eared and slightly faded, it’s the kind that’s endearing—the kind a book gets after being held well while being read, and then being kept away so lovingly. With the book in her hands now, she looks near hesitant to even part with the book at all. “Kerouac… was one hell of a read.”

He takes the book she hands back and thumbs it carefully. “What do you think about it?”

“I actually don’t know where to begin,” she says, staring off at the road beyond them. “The contrast of them going to these vast empty places to fill something deep in them...” She sighs, a happy sigh coming out of her. By this point, Theo already knows the kind of face she makes when she’s remembering the hours she spent reading the book—the expression she has right now betrayed that. “And then they were always—well, as with the title I guess—I felt like they were always on the road, even if not literally, then within them?”

Theo nods. “Always going somewhere unknown.”

“Yeah, for sure. It’s not like they were not established right, just that… there were so many possibilities you know? They were talking about crossing America and going from here to there and they seemed to… change with every landscape they went in. And it was exactly all those possibilities that were so fun. You definitely hit that request of mine, because I’m 100% sure all that going away made me want to go away again.” She takes a deep breath. “It’s kinda sad though, that things won’t be as mysterious as back then.” She waves her hand. “What with social media and all.”

“The insight that comes with travel is different now that the world is more connected to one another.”

“And the connection is so accessible!” she notes “Like, one of us can go away but it’s not the end of the world? We can still talk if we wanted to, there are so many ways to do it. And that’s great, but now… now when you go away it doesn’t feel as spiritual an experience? I mean, you can easily Google what a place looks like and…”

Theo turns to her after she abruptly stops. “And what?”

A beat. Two. She hasn’t stopped walking, with her eyes facing in front of her, but her eyebrows are narrowed like she’s carefully choosing how to put what she’s thinking into words. Theo patiently waits throughout the full minute it takes her to speak. “…Do you ever feel like you’re only a visitor in a certain place? Or maybe even anywhere. Like you’re only meant to be there for a few days, a month, maybe a year, but—never in the long term, never for the rest of your life.”

That… isn’t what he was expecting.

But then again, he doesn’t really know what to expect with her around, at this point.

Things are always more than with her.

For a moment, Theo ponders. Sure, he’s had instances feeling uncomfortable in the places he’s in, or maybe acknowledging that there are better places to be—such as when he left their hometown to go here, to follow his brother—but he hasn’t really thought about the rest of it. He’s always imagined the tides would just bring him to places, and he wouldn’t have to work hard to be brought elsewhere; to just let himself be washed ashore to new islands.

“I’m not sure,” he answers, thumbing the side of On the Road once more. He wonders what it was like during Kerouac’s generation—dreaming of a spiritual journey, going out there and exploring the unknown, how so much was left to be learned. How will his generation be remembered? What difference will they make, will they go down in history?

She nods simply. “It’s okay, I’m just the kind of person who likes to think about all this. Sal’s changing views on Dean was… I don’t know how to put it, it’s just like being in a different place, having a different experience with people changes the way you see about them, even if that place is… geographically, and not like a situation. Does that make sense?”

“You have to admit, most of the book doesn’t make sense,” Theo notes.

“…I did hear Kerouac wrote a good portion of it pretty high.”

“Maybe it’ll make sense when you read it high, too.”

They grin at each other, and Theo turns to get the Neruda book out from his bag.

“I’m so close to memorizing the content of this book, with how many times I read it,” he admits, passing the volume over to her. They touch fingers for only the briefest of moments. “Neruda has an interesting way with words.”

She nods. “I still feel bad that I don’t get to read him in his original Spanish because I feel like that makes a difference. The translations are still pretty good though. Any poem you liked particularly?”

“Maybe I Remember You as You Were.”

“Oooh, that’s very romantic,” she says, flipping right to the page he was talking about. “Bonfire of awe in which my thirst was burning.”

“Sweet blue hyacinth twisted over my soul,” he continues. “The passion in some of his love poems get overwhelming sometimes. I remember You is just the right touch of romance and longing I like in a Neruda.”

“Hmm?” She turns to him curiously. “Mayhaps you’ve already been a Neruda fan from the start?”

“I’ve read him in the past, yes.”

That’s not that surprising, really, considering how much of a household name Pablo Neruda is to literary enthusiasts at this point. One of the more “modern” classics of poetry, arguably. She’s not satisfied with his answer, of course. “Which, pray tell, is your favorite?”

It takes him a moment, biting the inside of his cheek in thought. After a beat, he answers, “Don’t Go Far Off.”

“And you say you’re not a romantic,” she says while shaking her head.

“I am not a romantic.”

“Theo, I know the poem by heart. You can’t tell me that shit isn’t romantic.”

Every minute he spends with her, the more drops of confusion fall onto his mind about himself. And not the bad kind; simply, why is it that she can see him so differently compared to others? What is it about her that she catches what sneaks past others?

He wouldn’t call the poem romantic, but maybe if she says it…

No. Instead, he looks at her. Challenges her. “Prove it.”

“Okay, you start.”

He takes a deep breath before beginning. “Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because—”

“Because—I don’t know how to say it: a day is long and I will be waiting for you.” She doesn’t miss a beat when she answers.

He continues. “As in an empty station when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.”

The way she traces the sounds of the syllables so delicately, like it would shatter if she wasn’t careful with their sound, isn’t missed by him. Does she read all poetry, all literature with this much adoration? “Don’t leave me, even for an hour, because then the little drops of anguish will all run together.”

At this point, Theo is already nodding, very much impressed. “The smoke that roams looking for a home will drift—"

(And together, they say) “Into me, choking my lost heart.”

The two of them look at each other quietly, the poem’s imagery settling in the spaces between them.

In a way that makes them feel content.

He continues. “Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach; may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.”

“Don’t leave me for a second, my dearest.”

“Because in that moment you'll have gone so far.”

“I'll wander mazily,” she breathes, “over all the earth, asking—”

Theo sighs. “Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?”

With that, the two of them relish in the silence at the end of the poem, letting it all dissolve into the air like the puffs of smoke from their breath.

“Nice of you to know that start to finish,” Theo says, by way of compliment.

She makes a little mock-bow with her skirt. “Thank you. I also really like that poem as well, actually.”

For some minutes, the two of them share a companionable silence, the moon shining over them, casting a silver glow. It is only when the itch to ask the question becomes too much that Theo finally opens his mouth.

“Why are you so fixated on going away?” he asks.

She stares at him. “What?”

“You’re always talking about the out there and the going away. And now you’re planning to leave for a scholarship—when you get in,” he says. “Have a boner for it?”

She makes a face. “No, what the hell,” she says. “Is it so bad to want a little adventure when you live in such a small town like this?”

“Not really,” he hums. “You strike me as the kind of person who disappears from everyone because you’re chasing something far off into the unknown,” he says.

She opens her mouth, about to say something, before she takes a deep breath to hold it back in. Theo feels like he’s overstepped a boundary he shouldn’t have. But instead of talking back at him or refuting, she says, “That would be a great story for a small Literature major like me, huh?”

It’s a non-answer.

The one Theo knows means there’s a more complex answer—that she’s not just ready to tell him yet.

It’s alright.

He can wait.

A few more minutes pass, this time in comfortable silence. Theo considers small talk, about the bookstore, or Vincent and Arthur, but she looks so deep in thought he decides not too. Sooner than he would have liked, they reach the fork in the road. He stops and turns to her fully.

“Books?”

She blinks as if torn away from a daydream. “Oh right, books. Nearly forgot.”

The two of them pull out the books to exchange from their respective bags; she catches the title The Night Circus in the one he hands her, another dog-eared, well-loved, black book; and she also catches the twitch of his eyebrow in interest when she hands him Atwood’s Dearly.

They keep their books away and fall back into their usual quiet.

“You sure I don’t need to walk you home?”

“It’s a well-lit road. I’ll be fine,” she insists. “I can bike from here to there, it’ll take me three minutes tops.”

He nods, the smallest of smiles on his face. “I’ll see you around, then. I hope you enjoy the book."

This isn’t the first time Theo has lent her a book. And this isn’t the last time Theo will lend her a book, either—if there’s anything about their kind-of friendship she knows for sure, it’s that he’ll need to try harder to get rid of her if he doesn’t like the company.

But somehow, the arrival of the new book in her small, rented dorm room leaves her unbalanced. She knows she has better things to do like her essay for the portfolio and studying for the exam—80% correct for the oral test is pretty good, but not good enough—but she lets the book taunt her anyway.

It is Saturday now, and she places it on her desk with the cover facing up, black and red and white with an intricate illustration of figures. Is it because of the conversation they had last night? It wasn’t odd for their little book discussions to wander into personal territory, because it is true that the way we read books is very much influenced by the things we have experienced in real life, but that one… that felt different. Somehow, it’s as if the both of them had opened up a pandora’s box of—well, something, and all of that is nestled in between the pages of the lent book.

It wasn’t like her wanting to go away was a secret in any way, shape, or form. Friendship with Theo or not, she was meant to leave this place. Or at least, that what she likes to believe. She’s pretty sure she’s mentioned even in the past that this town is too small for her; too little; there is a wider world out there to discover. And it wasn’t like Theo being some sort of hidden romantic was a surprise either—she’s known from the moment he didn’t stop asking her for poetry books. Nothing new was really uncovered last night, but then…

Why can’t she seem to let it go?

Her eyes rest back to the book on her desk. She said she wouldn’t read it until after the oral exam on Tuesday at the very least, but—she has peered into it the night before as she was going to bed, and yet once more this morning.

She’s not sure what it is about yet, but it seems that he’s lent her some sort of fantasy-romance, because she had asked for a book with a magic system in it. (Thinking about the wonders of magic is a great stress-reliever in the midst of exams.) She had expected Theo to be a good level of well-read because he worked at the Hoard—but somehow, he was always blowing away her expectations. Theo is always saying about how weird she is for pursuing him, but isn’t he the weirder one? At least she shows no pretense of being any sort of normal. He does his best to look put together.

Did that big looming man look like the kind of person who would read a novel title The Night Circus?

Not really, not to her. But it’s because he is that kind of person that keeps her so hooked, so interesting. She doesn’t quite know what has happened yet, but—whatever it was that unlocked between the both of them last night, it can’t be that bad. So by 3:00pm, when she said she would be running through drills for her exam, she closes her laptop shut, makes herself some tea, and curls up into her armchair to read.

Just because they get along with each other doesn’t mean they agree with everything.

For example, she’s explained that she’s the kind of person who marathon-reads whatever she can get her hands on, if she finds it interesting enough. It’s not that she doesn’t have patience for reading; she does, and she thoroughly enjoys being lost in a good book. It’s just that she can’t do what the others do when they like a book—read it leisurely, enjoy it from page to page, taste every word like it’s sweet. She’s more of the kind who sits down at eight in the morning with a interesting book and being unable to stand until it’s done in the afternoon. There is no waiting in her vocabulary, only the going.

Oppositely, Theo likes to take his time with his books, the same way one would do a walk. Take the scenic route; enjoy the scenery, take in all the details with your sense. To Theo, reading a book is going into it, getting lost in between the world that is hiding in its pages, and there is no need to rush that. The book is not going anywhere, and he can always open it up and return to where he’d stopped. Theo rarely reads books in one go unless he’s in a rush to do it, like say in a required reading for a class.

So when he sends her a message on Sunday, saying,

[ 9:44 | Theo ] Good book choice this week. Had fun with it

less than 48 hours from the moment she had given him the book…

She yells.

Really loudly. Her next door neighbor pounds on the wall between them, and she shouts out a “sorry!” as she begins typing on her phone.

[ 9:43 ] You finished it already?

[ 9:44 | Theo ] Is that so surprising?

[ 9:44 ] 😊 You don’t understand how happy I am rn

[ 9:45 | Theo ] It’s just a book, relax.

[ 9:45 ] Yea sure but don’t you read slowly on purpose? Kinda thrilled you liked it enough to polish it in one go.

She pauses, hand hovering over her phone, before she writes out another message.

[ 9:46 ] Thanks for telling me. This has def made my day.

And it takes a minute for him to reply, but then he returns:

[ 9:47 | Theo ] Isn’t this what friends do?

Well, let’s say that something in her belly does a flip, and—

It makes her feel weightless.

#the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart #ikemen vampire #ikevamp theo

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ziracona · 5 years ago

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please bless me with all of your dbd headcanons even just a crumb would satisfy me,,,,, lmao. Fr tho ur hcs are godly pls give me all of them especially for og 4 and wraif

Thank you!! I’m glad you like my hot takes!

Let’s see, og4.

Jake grows facial hair pretty easy (that part is just canon). Usually he either lets it grow and ignores it till it gets long, or stays cleanshaven, but the in-between stage is physically painful for everyone else at the campfire bc you wake up and see rugged 2day scruffy woodsman stretch and he sees you staring and goes, “What?” Looking thoroughly unimpressed and Meg sheds a tear and Claudette pretends to not be looking and stares at her journal and Dwight gets heart palpitations it’s just bad for the whole group. When he shaves he’s an edgy dumbass and does it with a sharpened hunk of metal he made into a knife for himself and Dwight saw him shaving once and had to go sit down.

Jake has a soft spot for many of the survivors he’s known longer (honestly at this point, he’s pretty attached to the lot of them though), but especially the ones who work really hard at protecting other survivors. Double points if you’re younger than him. He would kill for Claudette, and take a bullet meant for Quentin, but would not convey this to them at all. Jake puts almost zero effort into making sure people knows he likes them. The people he has a soft spot for especially are also not always the ones he prefers to spend time with. While they’re survivors he spends less time with personally, Jake respects Feng Min for being the snarky little gremlin she is, and Tapp’s dedication to his job even here. Weirdly, while the people he likes often aren’t aware of affection, the ones he respects but isn’t as close to usually are aware of the respect. Jake also thinks he doesn’t like having friends and spending time not alone, but he does.

If asked point blank his thoughts on a survivor he likes, he’d probably just shrug or say, “They contribute to the team,” or “She works hard,” or “He’s fine,” because Jake just be like that. He had a hard time getting close to anyone initially because of how he grew up. Jake’s very guarded. He’s used to people manipulating and using each other, which makes keeping anything vulnerable close to his chest just necessary as he sees it. Boy doesn’t trust easy. Or open up. Ya need a can opener. Boy also does not like getting pushed around. Least favorite killers (aside from Nightmare) are probably Doctor and Ghostface, because he cannot stand being forced to do things or used. He’d rather take a chainsaw to the back than have someone lord power over him. He’s also got a looong memory, so if you fuck him over, he is not the kind to forget and forgive. He is the kind to resent and remember. Not that he never forgives people, but boy would have to really believe whatever happened was regretted and the person wasn’t like that anymore to let something that made him very angry go. He’s quiet angry though. Bide your time and get vengeance kinda angry. Would never let someone push him around. If a killer tried to fuck with him, he’d do everything in his power to kill them.

While Jake is tough and likes to hike just to be out and moving, and enjoys toughing it out, Meg enjoys being outside more as a fun thing than a wildnerness lifestyle thing. She has a lot of energy, and even in the realm, all that adhd can be a bitch. It would be easy to focus on the shitty stuff happening and drown in that, so she likes to keep moving, like she has since she was a kid and started running. Meg loves hard, and if she cares about you, she’ll make sure you know it. Not good at shutting up or realizing if she’s been going on for too long, girl has passion for everything.

Meg talks a big game, but does not have as much confidence as she pretends to have. She has abandonment issues, but they’re less, ‘my dad abandoned me’ and more ‘everyone but my mom, from him to grade school friends, hasn’t stuck around,’ so she does worry about that and coming on too strong, which she is aware she often does, but she can’t get herself to turn down the power settings on herself even when she tries. She’s never been good at making friends, so all of this in the realm is kinda new to her, since no one can leave. Meg would tell almost no one those things about herself. She cares hard though, and will try to distract other people from realm despair any way she can, because it’s what she needs and she assumes what they must need too. And to be fair, she ain’t wrong. Good at cultivating activities and drinks loving her friends juice.

Big goofball. BIG goofball. Also big gay. Well, bi af, but w a pretty strong preference for the ladies. She is simple of heart. Sees a girl, loses ability to think. Bonded with Nea over this problem. High int, low wisdom, big dumbass. Her weaknesses include girls’ eyes, voices, accents, freckles, scars, stomachs, legs, ass, titties, hair, hair dye, laughs, hands, eye contact, and cute accessories. Not great at expressing her feelings when she catches them, but tries hard. Actually pretty good at romancing once she gets into the groove. It’s just getting there she sucks at. Loyal as hell. Will go to bat for her friends and would rather die than betray them.

Meg has a real temper, especially when she feels like something being done to her or someone else is unjust/unfair, and will always try to fix those things even when it’s hopeless. Can and will weaponize her anger extremely effectively. Ridiculous memory for pop culture, shit memory for homework and things she was supposed to be doing. Memelord, but with some class.

Idk if this is because I identified with Claudette really strongly when I first started playing dbd or not, but I have always seen her as Asexual & Panromantic. Attracted to kindness.

She gets overwhelmed fairly easily, but has been improving that by necessity since arriving in the realm, and can tap into the mom-friend override to fix problems for people who aren’t her. Has a hard time telling when people are teasing her/joking, but everyone knows this so they take it easier on her than each other.

Like Meg, had no friends before this, so it’s exciting and new, and a little scary, but mostly really good. She worries about other people a lot, and doesn’t always know how to help, but she tries. Very relieved Dwight volunteered to be team leader.

Enjoys recording things and studying. Would be fascinated by the Entity’s world if she wasn’t always being killed. Seems small and weak and easy to take down, but she has the strength of will to kill God herself if backed into a corner, especially when fighting for someone she loves. Sweet does not mean she will not fight back, and since being in the realm, and getting over her initial freezing up at the sight of horrifying murderers, she has worked extremely hard to be brave and take an active roll protecting people whenever she can. She is still terrified a lot, but has learned to push through that to help her friends and herself.

Loves animals, including ones a lot of people don’t like (bugs, snakes, rats, etc) and would and has definitely tried to snag a scorpion and a cockroach from trials to study before, and tried to befriend the realm rats now that they exist. Tries to get Jake to show her how to get birds to like you but does know how to ask him right.

Nervous about interpersonal relationships and unsure of herself. Really likes everyone but horrible at telling how other people feel. Feels like she always comes off wrong and can’t put words to things well even when she understands them super well. Does her best 24/7. Incredibly smart and talented. Knowledgeable about her passions. Is always thinking 4th dimensionally and has saved the team many a time by pulling off wild bullshit that makes sense kind of just barely but no one else would have thought of.

Dwight was a loser and kind of a douche growing up, kind of selfish and entitled and weak, but is no longer that person after a few years in the realm. He works hard to make good on his promises to look out for everyone, and cares about them very genuinely. Great at thinking on his feet and sounding like he knows more than he does, wonderful at regulating tasks to people efficiently, and not a bad strategist.

Being the kind of person now who would not have liked the person he was a few years ago causes a little cognitive dissonance and self-doubt, but he’s trying. Genuinely enjoys hearing about people’s days and interests even when he’s completely lost.

Not a fan of heights. If the fear of heights was not vastly overpowered by fear of sharp object, he would actively avoid the old ironworks in trials, but alas.

Used to play video games a lot. Thought he was good at them. Was not. Was definitely not.

Self-improvement king. Works hard and is a really decent dude. A very good sport. Used to be an asshole, so now that he’s nice he’s pretty damn forgiving if other people put in the work to improve too (my boy’s no hypocrite). Has mellowed out a lot and is pretty chill and nice but the damn fool will break his own heart by taking things people say the wrong way, or things they mean as a joke literally, if it’s something he thinks is true about himself, and will totally miss context and vocal inflection and just be like, “I know but I’m trying TuT.”

Big gay but in denial and confused

Just at this point really does want people to get to go home and be ok. Loves hearing stories and listening to his friends talk at the campfire because it makes him feel like things might be okay. Get the same result just by being near his friends, especially the other og3 who have been with him forever. If they’re all still there, things have to turn out okay someday. :’ ) Has never really told them that, because he’s supposed to be the leader, and thinks they’d feel less secure if they knew he depends on being able to sleep close to them at night to feel like he’ll be okay himself. Not in a they’d judge me way, but in a I really don’t want to let them down way. He wants them to think he’s got a handle on things even when he really doesn’t.

I was gonna do Philip too but I got this this morning and this post is already ridiculously long TuT, so here you go. Plus one mini Philip one.

Philip feels responsible for the young man he saw his boss kill the day the Entity got him. He knows that he killed scores of people unknowingly for Azarov, and those weigh, but he thinks sometimes late at night that if he could have just saved that one, it might have been enough to make him feel absolved someday for all the other deaths on his head. He remembers his face very well, and how terrified he was, and the moment of confusion and relief, and almost gratefulness when Philip let him go. He thinks over and over that if he’d just talked to him–assumed something was up, and gotten him to be quiet. Seen Azarov in time and stopped him. So many little things, and the young man would have lived. Even if the others were things he was completely blind to, he feels like that one is especially his fault, and that he could have stopped it. That one really haunts him.

#long post #dead by daylight #dbd #Philip Ojomo #Dwight Fairfield #Jake Park #Claudette Morel #Meg Thomas #I love doing these but I have like 6000 headcanons and I'm not good at picking one TuT I'm happy to do more but please help me give me an #area to focus on I'm dyin' scoob I'm boo boo the fool #Too many thoughts head full #the wraith #ask #anonymous #In Living Memory #In Living Memory (fic)

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