#our babysitter lived down there so we’d walk home w her

[milfzatannaz]

when I was really young I went to school in the French quarter and let me just say it was the most magical and idyllic time of my life. we held a mardi gras parade and I was the “duchess” so they put me in a mule drawn carriage and I got to hand beads to everyone on the street. for field trips we’d walk down to cafe du monde and eat beignets on the river, all wearing paper hats.

[nocapesdahling]

As the World Falls Down - Chapter 2

Helmut Zemo x Gender Neutral Reader

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Chapter Summary: In which we hear a little from Helmut Zemo, the city is flying, and you find a baby. Not necessarily in that order.

Rating: Mature (17+)

Chapter Warnings/Tags: Slow Burn; Here there be angst; Accidental Child acquisition; Mentioned child neglect by others

A/N: I made myself sad while writing this chapter, knowing that certain things mentioned will never happen. Here begins the forewarned angst. Maybe once I finish this story, I’ll write a fluffy AU.

Chapter 2: Beneath a Fallen Sky (Age of Ultron) - Part 1

Word Count: 2.1k

Colonel Helmut Zemo repositioned his earpiece. He was not a man prone to fidgeting and never had been, especially on the job, but he had counted his squad after they had gotten clear of the city and they were one short.

You were missing.

His family was safe, his squad was safe, but you were not. While he kept his expression neutral, inside was a different story. You had to be here somewhere. You just had to be. He would not accept any other outcome. Once they arrived at their base outside the city, he searched room after room and asked person after person and could not find you. You were not in the Mission Control Room or in your workshop fiddling with your gadgets. You did not seem to be anywhere, which meant that he had to consider the idea of you still being in the city.

“Q, come in Q. Where are you? Branko is in need of you. He broke his new infrared glasses and Ana tore her body armor. Don’t ask me how she did it, darling. We thought it was indestructible, but you know Ana. She took that as a challenge.” He let a hint of his desperation show in his voice. “Q, please come in.”

All Zemo heard was static before a voice, your voice, answered and he breathed out in relief. “Hey, Boss.” you started haltingly. You sounded tired and out of breath. “Well, I’m still in the city.” Here, you paused and Helmut’s hand clenched into a fist. “We’re in the air, Helmut... I don’t know if I’m going to make it. You’ll have to give Carl his birthday gift from me. I think he’ll like it.”

His smile was filled with clenched teeth and looked more like a grimace. “Even now, you joke, my Q. Even now.”

__________________

You held back a sob at the pain you could hear in his voice.

You had been meant to rendezvous with the rest of your squad at the checkpoint, but had stopped as you passed an orphanage. You thought you had heard a baby crying, but that couldn’t be right. The orphanage looked to be and should be empty. You strained your ears, knowing you couldn’t leave a baby or a child there to die. There it was again, a baby’s cry. You knew your squad was long gone, but you reassured yourself with the thought that you could easily catch up with them after you saved the baby.

You searched through the rooms on the lower floor before finding one with cribs. No baby was in sight. You paused, hearing fighting and chaos outside. Knowing that you had to move quickly, you hoped for another cry. Just as you were about to dig out your infrared glasses from your pack, there it was again. There was a cry coming from behind some hospital style curtains. You pushed them aside and found what looked like a newborn baby or close to it, abandoned before their life could even start.

You didn’t have much experience with kids, but hoped your time as a babysitter would help somewhat. You had been the babysitter for the family with twins that lived in the apartment complex a few blocks over. They had been cute kids, a boy and a girl, but they weren’t babies. You had been on the job when their apartment was bombed and heard the news afterwards. Even with your connections, you had no luck in finding out what happened to them. You assumed they died alongside their parents and mourned them accordingly. You were never able to bring yourself to watch The Dick Van Dyke Show anymore. It brought back too many memories.

You picked the baby up and cradled her to your chest as she blinked her eyes up at you. Well then, maybe not as newborn as you had supposed. Her eyes had already settled on a color that was close to your own. It was a bit uncanny. You smiled at her, tickling heir stomach as you checked her diaper. You crinkled your nose at the smell. “I see that’s why you’re crying, little one. Let me fix that for you.”

You laid the baby down to change her when her eyes scrunched up and she let out an almighty wail. “Oh my, little one. What strong lungs you have. What about a song? How does that sound, hmm?”

The baby continued to cry and squirm, and you knew this needed to be done quickly as the sounds of fighting had escalated outside and you didn’t want the robots to be alerted to your presence.

You began to sing, “We have been waiting for you. Now you are here. More perfect than I imagined. Our house is now a home. No matter where you go. Sunlight shines on you.” You sang the lullaby again as the baby stopped crying and blinked sleepily.

“There. All done. I’m glad you liked it, though I don’t know if I’m much of a singer. My mother used to sing it to me. You should hear my friend sing. He has such a lovely deep voice and my godson loves it when he sings ‘Baa, Baa, Black Sheep’. I’m sure they’ll both be excited to meet you.”

You smiled down at her and searched the room, finding a baby carrier hidden behind some blankets and formula in the fridge in the next room over. You lifted the baby and put her in the carrier, strapping it to your chest and chatting idly all the while. You noted that she must be around 4 to 5 months old as she supported her own head just fine. You fed her the formula, mopping up her chin, and prepared yourself to go outside. You positioned yourself by the window, gun in hand and infrared glasses in place. There didn’t seem to be any robots in the vicinity at the moment, which meant that it was time to leave and catch up with your squad. You checked the baby one last time and were glad to see that she was still asleep.

You were ready. You stepped outside the orphanage and started to jog in the same direction you were going earlier, doing your best not to jostle the baby. Maybe, you could get through this and get both you and your little charge to safety. Maybe, you would see Helmut again. Then, the street behind you began to splinter and crumble and the ground gave a great lurch. The city had begun to rise from the ground.

__________________

You debated what to do and came up with some semblance of a plan that had at least a 65% success rate. That was not in the least bit promising, but it was better than the 0% chance you had if you stayed here. You needed to get you and your new passenger off the city somehow, and this was the only plan you had thought of so it would have to do.

You had ducked down in an alley that you recognized as not too far from one of your favorite cafes when your phone began to ring. Quickly, you picked it up and answered it with a brief glance at the caller ID. It was Helmut. __________________

“... Even now, you joke, my Q. Even now.”

“Well, Helmut, you know me. Always look on the bright side of life, even when the city is flying and you’re carrying an orphaned baby.”

“A baby, Q?” His tone was disbelieving and you could picture what he would have said if he were here in front of you. “Only you, Q, could get yourself into this mess. For someone so intelligent, you can be kind to the point of stupidity. I admire it as I admire you, but you must not let your compassion come before your safety.”

“Yes, Helmut. A baby. I think I’ll call her Alena. Maybe give her Heike as a middle name. What do you think? Oh, and you’ll be the godparents of course?”

You could hear Helmut let out a heavy breath and the slight hitch in his voice when he answered. “We’d be honored, Q. Heike will be thrilled and Carl will love having a new playmate. They’ll be like brother and sister I’m certain, eating Turkish Delights even when I’ve specifically told them not to.”

You laughed a bit wetly. “That’ll be nice. If we can get out of the city. We have something to look forward to. Cavities galore.”

He laughed and when he spoke his voice was softer than normal. “You’ve always had a soft heart, darling Q. My friend, I told you that your compassion might get you killed one day.” There it was. You knew he wouldn’t be able to resist commenting on what he sometimes thought of as a weakness of yours. You also knew that he wouldn’t have you any other way. He sounded composed over the line, but you knew him well enough to know that he was suppressing everything and trying to hold it back for you to keep your focus on your current situation.

On the other side of the phone, Zemo was glad that he was alone so no one could see their leader fighting to keep his emotions contained. Now was not the time to be showing weakness in front of his squad. They needed him controlled and composed.

You were the only member of his squad that he could be soft with anyway.

“I guess you were right, Boss. I guess you were right. But I’m going to do my best to make sure that today’s not that day.” You paused, holding in a sob. If you weren’t careful and if your plan didn’t succeed, then today would be that day.

Over the course of the conversation, you had been walking as fast as you could, without jostling Alena too much, in the direction of your apartment that was luckily in the center of the city. You dodged more robots, and had the brief thought that whoever had made these things had to be compensating for something.

Why else would they have made so many?

You continued, mustering your nerve as you finally came in sight of your apartment. “I love you, Helmut. You know that, right?”

“I love you too, my Q.” He responded without hesitation.

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Helmut. The absolute best. Give my love to Carl and Heike.”

You had reached your apartment as the robots all began to fly towards the bridge side of the city, leaving the way clear for you. “Goodbye, Helmut Zemo. Use that exploding pen at least once for me, won’t you?”

With that, you ended the call and turned off your earpiece. You wanted to spare him what could be your final moments and selfishly did not want to hear a goodbye from him. It might be cruel of you to not give him the closure you now had, but a goodbye from him felt too final. It meant you would never see him or the little smiles he gave you, when he didn’t think it would be professional to laugh at your little asides during mission briefings, again.

Just the thought of never seeing Helmut smile or hearing him laugh again made your tears fall, which you quickly wiped away before they could hit Alena. You brushed your fingers through her baby fine hair and checked on her. “Still asleep, little one? It’s been a hard day for us and it’s about to get harder, but that’s okay because I have a plan.” Your eyes filled with determination as you walked towards your apartment’s makeshift workshop. You had just the project in mind for this.

__________________

You were unaware that in your squad’s base, Zemo was staring at his phone in horrified disbelief. You had hung up on him, and he was unable to help you from here. He was a powerful man, and this feeling of powerlessness both stunned and devastated him.

He could not save you.

Zemo threw the phone, smashing it against the wall, and screamed your name. Not Q, but your full name, the name he hadn’t called you in years. He received only silence in return. He trashed the room until his hands were bloody and as he fell to the ground, he finally allowed his anguish to break free and sobbed. He had not cried like this in years. The destruction of the room and his tears weren’t enough.

Nothing would ever be enough again.

He did the only thing he could do as he recalled your last words. “I will, my Q. I promise.”

Tag List: @rumblelibrary​

A/N: I couldn’t help myself with the reference to the Maximoffs. The Sokovian lullaby is the translated version of the one Wanda sings in WandaVision. Please let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list for this series.

[momofaddict]

The Story of the End

November 26, 2019, Melody and I has planned a girl's day out. I sent the baby to the sitter, I had the day off from work, we ran a few errands, then enjoyed a nice lunch downtown. I had $150 cash in my purse from selling the laptop that she kept hawking for drug money, so my last errand was to deposit that cash and get it the hell out of my purse.

When we got home around 2pm, she said she was going to meet one of her best friends at the condo, who was already there waiting. She's a pot head and occasional Xanax user, but not an addict. I told her I loved her and she left about 2:30p. The condo is 10 min from my house.

She was supposed to pick up the baby at 5p. My son's ex who I'm still close with had been group texting Mel and me around 4:30. I'd been responding, but Mel hadn't. Not terribly unusual, but I got that oh so familiar sinking feeling, heart palpitations of worry started.

Just after 5p I text Melody and asked if she'd picked up the baby yet. No answer. I called a couple of times, no answer. She always got mad at me when I worried & blew up her phone, so I was trying to not do that. I texted again around 5:30 asking if she wanted me to pick up the baby. At this point I knew she'd used. No answer. I called a couple more times, straight to VM. I called the sitter at 5:45p. Nope, Mel hadn't picked up the baby. I'm on my way...

It was rush hour so I skipped the highway and took back roads. Mistake! Every light took forever, every driver was going half the speed limit. This only exacerbated my anxiety, which was starting to skyrocket. I prayed, "Please don't let this be it. Please let her be asleep and pissed at me for overreacting. Please don't let her OD and die!"

I got to the condo, & saw her car (was hoping I wouldn't, which would mean she's out and about). I parked in the fire lane, ran up to her condo and entered with my key. The place was tidy and quiet. I thought maybe she'd left with her friend that she was meeting there. I looked all over the house, seemingly no one was there. I walked to the back of the condo where there first a vanity area, then past that, a door to the tiny room with a toilet and shower. Then it hit me... I think the TV is missing. I ran out to the living room and confirmed it was gone. Initially I was pissed.

I'd left my phone in the vanity area and went to retrieve it... And suddenly realized the toilet room door was closed. I went to open it - locked. Insert major sickly adrenaline rush of complete terror. She'd never OD'd before so I was fucking scared.

I started beating on the door and screaming at her. Nothing. I looked under the door as best I could, I saw shadows. Was it her? Was it just dirty clothes on the floor? Why was the door locked if she wasn't there? So many thoughts and questions running through my head. I got a hanger to try to break into the door and called 911. I continued to try to break into the door with no luck whatsoever. Kicking, banging, screaming. It looked like one of those easy doors that all of us at one point in our lives have broken into, a knob with just a hole in it that you can stick a metal hanger in there and easily unlock. It wasn't coming open. Divine intervention, I've now concluded.

What seemed like forever, but was probably about five minutes later, a cop showed up. He too could not get the door open. A couple minutes later EMTs show up and I am escorted into the living room, but I didn't want to be by the bathroom anyway because I was so afraid of seeing something I could never unsee again.

They got the lock open, but something was against the door. it was like they were trying to be careful pushing open the door and we're taking forever doing it. I wanted to scream at them to break her bones if needed, I don't care just get that fucking door open!

At this point the babysitter who lives in the same complex rushed over when she saw the ambulance out front. I was a goddamn mess, screaming and crying harder than I ever had before. I told her to go look. She said Melody's head was in the toilet and she's blue. They pulled her out and I kept yelling at them I HAVE NARCAN RIGHT THERE BY THE BATHROOM!

Ms W, the sitter took me outside for air & one guy came out saying she's breathing. That was it for me, she's breathing and there's Narcan, she'll make it.

I went back in and the cops just kept asking me questions and asking me questions and I was in no mood for any of that bullshit. They had Melody laid on the bedroom floor. I couldn't see her, but the door was cracked and I could see them working on her. I swear to God it took them 15 minutes to finally administer narcan. Surely that was their second try?? But then I saw the thing that I did not want to see, CPR. I fucking flipped my lid!

They moved me to a spot where I couldn't see inside the bedroom anymore & about 10 minutes later they said they were going to transport her to the hospital. I asked if she breathing several times. All they would say is that they're working on her. They told me to wait outside while they transport her to the ambulance. I had my back turned in my ears plugged with my fingers because I didn't want to hear or see anything that would make me lose hope. I wanted to know that there was some hope that my baby was going to live. While I was waiting for them to get her in the ambulance, I called my son and told him to meet me at the hospital, that Melody had overdosed. He was on his way. I did breakneck speed to get to the hospital that was approximately 10 minutes away.

When I got to the hospital I waited for about 5 minutes until someone came and got me. They escorted me, not to my daughter's bedside, but to the "family room", a small, private room with couches and tissues. I stood in the doorway shaking my head, telling them no, I don't want to go in there, but eventually relented.

The first person that talked to me said they're still working on her, which of course gave me a small glimmer of hope, but why in the fuck was I in that little room?

Within about 5 minutes the EMTs, cops, and medical staff that have been working on her all flooded into that room. This was it, I knew it. They explained how hard they tried. I stopped them and said no I don't want to hear it, it's not true! I was bawling needless to say, head in hands. Finally I looked up and just said is she...? He just said I'm sorry. I lost it. Ms W (babysitter) came in about that time and I held on to that woman as tightly as I've ever held anybody in my life. I told her she's gone she's gone she's gone, my baby is gone! Everyone left the room that wasn't family except Ms W and a "counselor", who, long story short, it wasn't helpful even a little.

The counselor left the room at one point for about 5 minutes and my son walked in. I was trying to read his face to see if anyone had told him anything. He hadn't even had a chance to sit down and the counselor basically followed him in the room. I hadn't had a chance to say anything to him yet, when she extended out her arm for a handshake, introduced herself and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss." OMFG! My son looking at utterly and totally confused said, "Wait, what?" immediately started bawling. I asked everyone to leave the room and he and I just held each other and cried as hard as we've ever cried in our lives.

I went outside shortly after for some air. By the time I got back in, Melody's dad was there, my ex. We cried and held each other. It was by far the worst day of my life. At one point they asked if I wanted to see Melody. I decided I did not. My son and my ex saw her.

I had arrived at Melody's condo at 6 p.m. . By 8:45 p.m. I was leaving the hospital no longer a mother of a daughter. Goddamn heroin took her away from me.

Ms W kept the baby and we all went our separate ways. I thought I would want to be alone, but pretty much as soon as I walked into my empty house and Melody's cat walked up to me, I knew I didn't need to be alone. I called my best friend and neighbor and she came over immediately. She stayed for about an hour, I was exhausted, and thought I was ready to be alone. Nope! Being alone with my brain at that time just wasn't a good place to be. So I called my sister who lives fairly nearby. We'd been out of sorts lately because she had a mental breakdown a few months before, basically because my druggie daughter had a baby and she can't have children. She had literally told me that as long as Melody is in my house, she won't be there. But she and her husband rushed right over. We talked until I couldn't stay awake anymore.

Then came all of the busy work of trying to figure out arrangements for my daughter. How was I going to pay for a funeral when I just shelled out the last of my available credit card money to her grandmother's funeral one month before? That's a whole other story I'll save for another day.

The story doesn't end there though.

Two days later, Thanksgiving Day, D (the baby's father) came up on a train. As you know D has never been anybody's favorite person in this family. But he was so emotionally distraught, we tried to embrace him and help him as much as we could. Even my son who pretty much loathes the man hugged him and told him if there's anything he needed... The only people there were my son, my ex, the baby, D and me. We did our best to have a small Thanksgiving dinner together, because we didn't want to ruin things for the baby and we knew Melody would want us to continue with Thanksgiving.

The next day, D and I were the only ones at my house other than the baby. I tried to give him as much time as possible with the baby. We all also had to go to the funeral home that day and start trying to make arrangements. I wanted those closest to her to have an opinion on the arrangements. that was a total cluster fuck because after spending four miserable hours up there picking this and picking that for the arrangements, just for the funeral alone they wanted $16,000. That does not include burial, headstone, in a myriad of other things. Fuck that. But we picked a burial plot, because no matter the price, I needed her grave to be at that location, which is very close to my house. My sister helped me pay for that, $5800 (without the headstone), so at least that much was done. The $3000 headstone was purchased later. My God, these people really take advantage of people in mourning.

The next day was Saturday, two days after Thanksgiving. D had obviously been day drinking and was just going off at the mouth about how he's going to be okay, he's going to move back up to my city, get a job, get his life together, so he can take care of his baby. The thought of that sent shock waves down my body because I knew he would never be in a position to really take care of the baby. But I also knew he was talking out of his ass because he's getting drunk. he just kept talking and talking and saying the same things over and over. I think he was trying to convince himself.

Then randomly out of the blue, I'm standing in the kitchen washing a baby bottle and he opens my freezer and takes a giant gulp of vodka that I had in there. He turns to me and says, "Take care of my boy." It took me a full two or three seconds to realize what he just said and I said "what did you just say to me?" Take care of my boy. I immediately burst into tears grabbed hold of his jacket and I said what the fuck don't talk like that! He said there's nothing that I could do to stop him. I told him he's a fucking liar for all the stuff that he had said earlier that day about taking care of his own son. He goes yeah that's right I'm a fucking liar, just take care of my boy and he yanked away and went for the front door. I just said D don't do anything stupid, please, at least for your son. He started crying and saying how he's going to get the motherfuckers that killed his girl, & walked out the front door.

I'm not going to lie, at this point I thought it was a bunch of addict, drunk bullshit. Yeah right, he's going to set off on foot to go do something to these dealers? I gathered his things from my house, put them in a bag, set it on the front porch and locked the door. My daughter just died and he wants to pull this bullshit on me? I don't think so.

I had plans to run to Target and then go to my son's for dinner, so I continue with my plans with the baby in tow. Target is pretty much around the corner, and since it was Black Friday weekend, there was a cop car sitting in front of Target. I went up to the cop car and told the cop inside what just transpired, and told him I felt he was a danger to himself and potentially others. I told him he was on foot so he couldn't be far. He entered some stuff in his little cop car computer and said that they'd keep an eye out for him. I said I didn't care if it was jail or someplace else, he just needs to be taken off the street and put it somewhere safe.

As the baby and I were then on our way to my son's house, my phone starts blowing up with people saying that D is posting some pretty sick shit on Facebook. He had cut up his arms really badly & was showing them off on various pictures. Then he apparently got a hold of a roadkilled possum and wrapped it around his neck and posted one video naming his dealers by name and saying they're going to pay. Then he posted another video where he was literally eating or tearing apart this dead possum with his teeth. He had officially lost his mind. His last video talked about me and my ex and my son, thanking us for all we had done for him, but that it just wasn't enough, among other things. So while all this was going on, I decided to call 911 and let them know what's going on.

A couple of investigators called me while I was at my son's within 30 minutes of me calling 911. They just wanted more information about him. I found out later that they were trying to identify his body.

I got home from my son's house about 2 hours later and a cop was waiting in front of my house. He came inside and proceeded to tell me that a man fitting D's description was hit by a car while appearing to cross the interstate. They performed surgery on him but he did not survive. We later found out that he was on a bridge leading from one highway to another that was actually on the way to the dealer's house. The unfortunate person who hit him with their car said that he appeared to jump in front of her car. In that moment in time when the cop was telling me all of this, I was pissed. The baby was right there in his little jumper while I'm getting this terrible news, plus I just couldn't get my mind off the poor people that hit him with their car.

D's last FB post said, "Stop crying, it's a wrap, imma ghost." No question, he killed himself.

But there was that voice that said, that's it, no more addicts in my life. I never really considered that D would be a big part of the baby's life anyway. But now he's going to have no part and someday I have to tell this child what happened to his parents. And that's what I cried for.

As I've mentioned before D's family are pretty much pieces of shit. there was no way that I had the mental capacity to try to set up arrangements for his memorial too, nor did I have the money. I was still trying to raise money for Mel's funeral! So his ex from 11 years ago, the mother of his other son, bless her heart, took the lead on trying to make arrangements. His family did nothing to help. She set up a GoFundMe for $6,000 and only raised $2000. D had burned a lot of bridges and his short life. But she found a funeral home that would do the service, the embalming so he could have an open casket service before being cremated, the cremation itself, all for $3,000. I pitched in the other $1,000 out of my GoFundMe for Mel and a small service was held for him. The only family that came from Ohio and Georgia for his service was his sister. Oh but his mom left lots of sad face emoticons on Facebook, so she's clearly grieving horribly. Ugh. Wretched family! I felt so bad for his sister though. And even the mother of his other son. They were both tore up at the memorial. My guess is about 20 people showed up. D's other son, JC, was as sad as a little 11 year-old boy could be. That shit hurt my soul and I vowed to make sure that he and Melody's baby will be in each other's lives moving forward.

While making these arrangements, JC's mother and I also ordered matching necklaces for D's sons to wear that would have D's ashes in them. And just last week we spread some of his ashes on Melody's grave so JC, who really loved Melody, and Mel's baby (P) could have a single place to visit Mel and D.

This is what opiate addiction has done to my family and many, many families across the country. I am forever changed by this and I don't know what normal is supposed to be anymore. I said it before and I'll say it again, thank God for this baby. While I'll be 70 years old when he turns 18, he will have a stable home with lots of love, and I have that little piece of Melody with me forevermore.

[forceyourway]

Tree of Life Shadow Work Challenge

Day Three: “What aspect of my home life might I benefit from taking into consideration?”

(Using Loki’s tarot deck, “The Raven’s Prophecy Tarot”)

I’m loathe to take a picture of the entire tree again, because it’s a pain to assemble. I totally took one and then realized I set it up wrong and sigh. I might edit this with the tree picture later.

Six of Cups - I thought this was a weird card to be here, because it’s literally about considering your childhood. Like he’s just saying the question back at me, y’know? It might be that I need to acknowledge positive memories, because I’m so overwhelmed by negative ones. It might just be talking about evaluating my childhood self, and who I was then. There is a sort of implication of innocence? I think with this. Like, all of this stuff happened, and I was a child.

Home Life - Security, Belonging, Self-Worth

Reflect on what your home life was like growing up. Consider things like household income, inter-family relationship dynamics, overall lifestyle, etc. Was financial stability a source of stress? Was the relationship between your parents conflicted? Did you feel accepted by your family? Did you feel safe at home? Did you live a life in a suburban setting, in the boonies, in an orphanage?

Security My childhood was comfortable, financially-speaking. My dad has a very high-paying job. We moved out of our townhouse, and into a house-house when I was in 3rd-ish grade, and we rented out the townhouse. Every now and then, my dad would need to go there to fix something or what have you, as the owner, and my sister and I were always very excited to tag along. We wanted to go back and see where we grew up, and see if our old babysitter was available to play with, or go to the park. The park behind our house was pretty much always changing, so that was neat. One time, my sister and I were wandering around the Big Park. We heard they had a splash pad, but when we went there, the water was off, and we couldn’t figure out how to turn it on. Some other kids were there, older kids, probably 16+. About 5 of them, I think. We followed them through a path in the woods that led to a park we’d never been to before. Along the way, I picked up a big stick and was using it like a walking staff, as kids do. I kept trying to talk to the other kids, oblivious that they did not want to play with me, and they took offense to being followed around by an annoying white girl with a big stick. It came to a point where they were demanding I put the stick down, and I stood my ground, because wtf this is my stick, I found it, I’m keeping it. I didn’t understand the connotation. They beat the shit out of me. All of them. I remember hitting the ground hard, and pain. My sister ran. I was in middle school at the time, and she was even younger, but it stuck with me that she ran. When I told my dad what happened, he at first acted like he didn’t believe me, and then said he’d go investigate and tell the other kids off. That was a lie. I really thought he was gonna do it, and was really hurt when he didn’t. He ended up hardly acknowledging what happened to me at all. This is why I have abandonment issues. I grew up feeling like I couldn’t rely on my family to protect me when I needed it. Later, toward the end of middle school, I got into a fight with a girl at her sleepover party. She’d been pushing me around all night, and when she tried to pour body spray down my back, that was the last straw. I grabbed the closest thing and chucked it at her. I think I meant to grab my pillow - it was right there - but ended up grabbing a tiny (as in, could fit in your hand) wire earring-case or whatever. I remember being shocked when I saw what I did. It hit her in the head/face. She started screaming “You hurt me!” and started kicking me repeatedly in the stomach. Pain. Chaos. I couldn’t so much breathe. Her mother looked at me like I was dirt after that, because I must have deserved it. Her father wasn’t so sure, but I still needed to get out of their house immediately. My dad picked me up. He remembered what happened at the park, and said I must have deserved it. I didn’t tell him what happened. None of the girls stood up for me, either. They were kind of complicit, in that they let her - or joined in on - pushing me around the whole night, before the fight...

We grew up in a small town in a suburb-ish area. No crime to speak of. There were a couple of kids our age on the street, most notably two sisters who were me and my sister’s best friends. Their mother hated us and was very vocal about it with our parents, telling them we had “A Serious Problem.” All the damn time. She and her friend (another neighbor) kept calling me a Smartass. I...didn’t know what that meant. Ever oblivious and ever self-incriminating, I took it as a compliment and said thank you. That hardly helped matters. It took me a long time to realize that the girls pretty much didn’t give a shit about us; they played with us when it was convenient, but not when others were around. The younger one and my sister got physical a lot. They made fun of us all the time, and mostly it went over our heads. My mom was very irresponsible with money, eating out all the time, shopping all the time, etc. And frequently she was out of work; most of her jobs were as a temp, and there was a lot of in-between time. This was a huge point of tension with her and my dad, and eventually we ended up very deep in debt, though it hardly showed. My dad started gambling to compensate; sometimes he won big, but mostly it was just a huge money drain, and it became an addiction for him. When my mom finally left my dad for good, he got stuck with the debt, and essentially went bankrupt. He’s now living in my decrepit childhood home, eating ramen noodles, and god only knows how far behind he is on the bills. He’s still got that good job, but it’s not enough, and he's still gambling. My parents were always fighting, and my dad got so loud that I was always expecting something physical to go down. Always expecting I was gonna get hit. My mom got physical with me. My sister got physical with me. My dad got physical with me (after I provoked him). Home was not a safe place for me. I didn’t feel I could rely on my family. My mother was always late, very late, when picking me up from school, like I was an afterthought. They abandoned me when I needed them, and they sure as hell didn’t protect me. I used to pretend that maybe I wasn’t really their child, maybe I was secretly adopted. I’d convince myself that to help me get by. Unfortunately, I saw too much of them in me - and me in them - to keep acting as if they weren’t my “real” parents.

Belonging My parents really, really wanted me to be someone else. I hated shopping with my mom, because she was always trying to play dress up with me. Put stuff on me I didn’t like, because that’s how she wanted me to be. And she’d get aggressive if I refused to go with her, or told her I didn’t like the clothes. To this day, she thinks I’m still in some “goth” phase, despite constantly wearing varied and multicolored outfits around her for many years. A few years ago, when I was looking for a job, she told me she found an opening at whatever-store-or-other...which she immediately followed with “as if you could ever work there; you have no fashion sense!” I have excellent fashion sense, thank you. My dad actually forced me to go to a tanning booth when I was...14? 15? because I was pale and I had acne, and he was trying to “fix” it. I was super, super opposed to this, but he forced me into it, telling me I should be grateful and all that shit. I was supposed to get naked and lay in this freaky light machine. I remember being super uncomfortable, and I refused to strip all the way down. He was so, so angry with me. We didn’t go again.

To this day, my dad constantly remarks on what a weird kid I am. How it’s not “normal” that I don’t drink or smoke (or that I never have), and he started smoking when he was 12, or whatever, and used to steal beer all the time. It seemed like he wanted me to do all that stuff, because it was “part of growing up???” I am wondering now if this might be one of his weird as hell attempts at humor; the problem with that is, no one ever knows when he’s kidding...

Self-worth I suck at math. I have dyscalclia. I just don’t brain it right. My dad is obsessed with math. I went through workbook after workbook as a child, in some attempt to make me good at it. I hated them. I snuck calculators when calculators weren’t allowed. Never learned my times tables; to this day, he’ll throw a random multiplication question at me every now and then. I was forced to go to Math Camp, which I hated. I think I might have cried one day, on the way. Nothing helped. When I went to the second Catholic school, the one with the Hive Mentality, my math teacher did a thing where we had to do warm-up problems before we could do anything else. Everyone brought up their notebooks and she’d check them, and then they’d go on to the next thing. I spent the whole class going up. I had no idea what I was doing wrong, and she refused to help me. I was in tears by the end, just writing down random answers after going through every possible way I could have gotten it wrong.

I was really good at school, once I hit public school. Always on Honor Roll. In high school, I came close to having straight A’s a few times, but math always held me back. It was pretty solidly at a C. I had one geometry teacher who refused to help me - or anyone - when we were struggling. I think I got a D. First time ever. Of course, a huge deal was made about this. The next semester, I got a new geometry teacher, and instantly shot up to an A. He was very kind and helpful, and he used colored chalk so you could see the different elements of a problem. I had like a 103%, and was super, super proud that I shot from a D to an A, and I had straight A’s. My dad just said “We’ll see how long that lasts.” When my sister got straight A’s, he gave her $100, because she was the “dumb” one, and I was the “smart” one, and I should have had straight A’s all the time???

[storylocke]

Crack Story So Meta it Hurts

[It had been a long day. A very long, and very tiring day, but Paul always expected Friday to be a rush at work. Still, on this particular evening there were few things that could dampen his spirits now as he made his way to Evan’s house. The weight of the books in his bag brought a sense of eagerness and determination not to let the day get to him.

Evan and Azure had apparently gone a bit overboard in their enthusiasm as Paul came in to find the bar had been loaded down with four different brands of Soda Pop and enough chips, dip, pretzels, and other snacks to last them for a week.]

Paul:

[amused as he makes his presence known.] Wow, you guys, I know it’s been over a month, but are we seriously celebrating a new session?

Nigel:

Hey, Paul! [Passing by with a plate resting on his binder like a tray.] Might as well for how rare it is we’re all here for the same night.

Azure:

That and we have a few extra mouths to feed! [Comes out of the kitchen with a stack of napkins to add to the buffet. Sing-song tone as she hurries over to Paul] Speeeaaking of! We need to talk to you.

Paul:

That’s never good. I just walked in.

Evan:

[Right behind her with a pickle jar he was in the process of trying to open, but this was more important] Nah, we won’t put you to work just yet. It’s just, I know I said I was totally free for tonight, but there was a last minute emergency, so we’re stuck babysitting. Cyan asked if she could watch, and I told her it’d be really boring, so I let her bring over a friend to keep her occupied while we’re playing.

Paul:

I’m fine if she wants to watch, but isn’t Cyan like thirteen now? Why does she need a babysitter?

Evan:

Because this is Lance we’re talking about.

Azure:

[overheard that and just starts snickering]

Paul:

[Ah yes, and that’s probably why neither of his friends were asked to help either as the dragon trainer sure did love to make things hard on himself.] Good point. So where’s everyone now?

Nigel:

Oh, Hau and Devin are out back with Cyan and… Peter, was it? Anyway, Cyan is teaching the boys how to make their own badges.

Paul:

Sounds like we’re all here then. I guess we better get everything set while it’s quiet.

[And indeed they did as the final touches were rushed together and the group could finally take their seats after loading their plates. Paul was surprised as Cyan brought her friend over to meet him personally before sitting down]

Cyan:

Hello~ We just wanted to thank you for letting us join you tonight.

Paul:

No need to thank me, it’s Evan’s house after all. Who’s your friend?

Pepe:

R-right! You w-weren’t here wh-when I met everyone else. [Gives a bit of a bow in greeting] I’m Giuseppe Philippe Quinnel of the Sinnoh region. It’s a p-pleasure to meet you, Mr. P-paul.

Paul:

[.... Just stares at him a moment as a few snickers can be heard from around the table.] Please don’t call me mister, I sure hope I don’t look that old. [Looks up at Cyan] Sinnoh though. How the heck did you two meet?

Cyan:

[smiles] My family travels a lot.

Pepe:

As do mine. I’m c-currently just visiting for the season s-since Sinnoh is really cold this time of year.

Paul:

I’ll let you in on a little secret: you seem like you have to deal with a lot of fancy formal gatherings and [motions to the table as he tries not to laugh] this ain’t one of them. And really, under normal circumstances, I’m the one who shouldn’t be here. Just relax, okay, Giuseppe?

Pepe:

[A bit of a sheepish grin comes out as he’s glad to hear that really.] You can just call me Pepe then. I p-prefer it anyway.

Devin:

Yeah, no offense, Paul, but considering your background, how the heck did you and Evan ever meet?

Evan:

[Swallows his bite and calls over] Paul and I met at summer camp several years ago.

Paul:

Not as a camper, I was working at the souvenir stand that year.

Azure:

And the year after that, it was the kitchen staff.

Evan:

And the year after that-

Paul:

[AHEM] I think they get it! Anyways, we’d seen each other around enough we just kind of got to talking. Things just kind of went on from there.

Evan:

[Amused] Especially after we found out he lived close enough to deliver.

Azure:

[teasingly] It was really like a friend’s with benefits thing, he came by and we got free food~!

Nigel:

[Honestly just choked on his drink] Azure, what?!

Paul:

[laughing] Gee thanks, Azure!

Hau:

[blinks at him in confusion while Devin is patting Nigel on the back to breath] … I don’t get it.

Evan:

And that’s okay. Total change of subject, are we going to start or not?

Nigel:

[Is actually somewhat red, but he’s fine] Yes, please I wasn’t even here last time.

[It was somewhat fascinating to Cyan to see all of the players pulling out their binders and dice as the plates were shifted around to make room for their notes. This was no ordinary board game. As Pepe goes to take his seat, she hesitates a moment at Paul’s side.]

Cyan:

Can Pepe and I play too?

Paul:

Uh… [looks around the table for a moment] Sure? We have temporary party members show up all the time for story purposes, so I guess we could work in a short arch? Guys?

Devin:

[amused] You’re the DM, we don’t know what you’ve got planned out.

Hau:

Do either of you guys know how to play?

Pepe:

[slightly bounces in his seat as he waves to get Hau’s attention.] Ooh! I do! My brother and I p-played these a lot before he thought he w-was too cool for all this fantasy stuff.

Cyan:

[pokes her fingers together] I… mostly know what Azure’s told me?

Nigel:

[Somewhat haughty] Oh really? And what exactly has she been telling you?

Azure:

[playfully chucks a piece of popcorn at him from across the table] Nothing bad, you jerk. Last time she had to stay over, she asked if I could tell her a story, and I told her some stuff from our last campaign. [turns to their leader] You know, Paul, as good as you are at making stories, why not write a book or something?

Paul:

[counting off the reasons on his fingers] Too tired, too lazy, not enough time… [flashes her a grin] and it’s really only good because of you guys.

Hau:

I think it’s a lot more fun this way too. [pulling out a couple of sheets to hand to Pepe] Which if you two are going to jump on in, we need to make you some characters.

Azure:

Don’t worry, Cyan, I’ll help you out.

Evan:

Yeah, if she’s already been filled in, that’ll save us some time trying to explain backstories.

Devin:

Well, we’re still at the start of a new campaign, so we’d only have to bring up the important plot points anyway.

Nigel:

[After helping to pass the book down to Pepe so Hau can help him with the stat distributions, he’s surprised to see how fast the kid is writing. Pepe must have known exactly what kind of character he wanted.] We still need to fill Pepe in on a few things, though. And it wouldn’t hurt for us all to do a quick review of our characters for the group since it has been a while…

Paul:

An excellent point. While they’re working out their characters, why don’t you all introduce yourselves? Evan?

Evan:

Me first? Alright. Paul, Azure and I started this a little over a year ago? Has it been that long? Anyway, I play as Abraham Boabab, a sorcerer who usually ends up also being the group’s navigator. After a near death experience where he lost control of his powers, he’s been a little uh… nervous about it.

Paul:

[Looking at his notes] Yeah, even though you guys won the last campaign, we all are currently split up to deal with the aftermath. Which, in the last session, it looks like Abe wandered off by himself to do some soul searching, you’re starting off in Johto?

Evan:

That is correct.

Paul:

So, Azure, you went to go find him, so that would lead us to you. Last time, Amber left off in Pallet Town hoping someone from Abe’s home had heard from him?

Azure:

Yup! My girl is Amber Hearn, and she’s a cleric from Gensokyo who managed to get to get to Kanto through… [as eager as Cyan seems to be, she knows it’s not important at the moment] It’s a long story. As Evan said, we’ve been doing this for a long time now, so there’d be a LOT to cover. As for now, Amber is a cleric under the goddess Sanae and since she doesn’t have a weapon, she has a set of enchanted servants in the form of puppets. A gift from Sanae, you could say.

Cyan:

Can I be your little sister?

Azure:

I’m not… sure how that’d work here. [starts to flip through some of her notes] Especially with Amber’s backstory, it might be hard to explain someone else from Gensokyo suddenly appearing… [gives her a smile] We can still be like sisters if you want.

Cyan:

Sure, that works too~!

Paul:

Alright then. Nigel, you weren’t here last time, so where are you at?

Nigel:

Okay, so I’m a bard named Nina Q-

Devin:

[Snorts while trying to stifle his laughter]

Nigel:

[Playfully] Would you just shut up? Look, we all know that Azure is terribly outnumbered here, and if you want me to keep protecting your sorry hide, you’ll stop making fun of my girl.

Devin:

[not even sorry] Not making fun of your girl, it’s just funny to hear you say “I’m Nina.”

Nigel:

[... Okay that was his fault.] ANYWAY! Nina’s home has been ravaged by monsters lately that may or may not have to do with the same incident that caused Abe to flip out. And since something similar seems to be happening to those two [thumbs over at Devin and Hau] the current plan is to try to get all three of our characters together to investigate. [flipping through his notes] Whiiiich it looks like I’m still in Slateport City where Amber and Nina split up.

Hau:

And since you pointed to us, I guess I’ll go first. My character is Alpha Avici, and he’s a monk from the far west of the Orre region. I just mention that because that place is a huge desert and he’s not really used to it since he lives just outside of it. [quite happily] Like Nigel said, Alpha is also looking into the weird shadowy creatures lately, so he’s finally braving the outside world to find out what’s up. [sarcastically] I left off passed out at creepy old mansion, so this is off to a great start!

Paul:

I promise nothing bad happened to him… yet. [grins as Hau is just giving him the “don’t you dare” look.] And that just leaves… [looks at his notes] Dev, I seriously don’t even know what we’re supposed to call you.

Devin:

[excitedly] But that’s the whole point~! [turns in his seat to face Pepe] So my guy is rogue, and he used to be part of highly well known crime gang. After turning on the group, he’s gotta try to stay in hiding while still having to rely on people for help; cause we’re in a wasteland. I thought it’d be really smart if he never gives his name to anyone, or at least not his real name, because if his old gang came looking for him, they’d be asking around, right?

Evan:

Yeah, I’ll give you props on thinking all that out, but what are WE supposed to call you?

Devin:

I don’t know… Seven?

Hau:

[Suddenly cracking up despite the rest of the group staring at him in confusion] Really, Devin? Really? Out of all the fake names you’ve given him, you can’t come up with ONE?

Devin:

[About to retort when he pauses to explain to the rest of the table] It’s an inside joke, just ignore him. [Back to Hau] And he asked what to call me and I blanked…

Hau:

So is it just “Seven” now? D-seven? D-seven-six…

Devin:

Like you’re one to talk-

Nigel:

[as the playful bickering goes on, he just leans on the table to holler down to Pepe just kind of staring at them in bewilderment. Warmly assuring him.] Did we mention these two are siblings? It might be hard to tell.

Paul:

[writing in his notes] I’m not going to ask, so Seven works for me. Alright, you two, let’s focus! Cyan, are you done?

Cyan:

Um… I think so?

Paul:

Pepe, what about you?

Pepe:

[taps the pages in hand to straighten his small stack] Yup! I’m p-playing as a half-elf ranger named Baba.

Azure:

“Baba”? That’s an unusual name.

Pepe:

W-well it’s a fantasy w-world, so um… it just seemed right? Baba’s a timid thing just leaving home b-because, um, her family is really poor. She’s w-working for their neighbor to make ends meet, but wh-what she really w-wants is to go on adventure like all the other kids!

Paul:

[writing this down] Sounds like a good starting point.

Nigel:

Oh hey, we got us another girl! [reaches over the other two to give Pepe a fist-bump. A bit haughtily at Devin] See, he understands.

Evan:

Huh, I think that actually makes us even now too, not counting anyone Paul shows up as.

Cyan:

[Looks up at Azure] What’s a half-elf?

Paul:

Elfs in this game are like shape-shifters that are often in hiding from humans. Some kind of war tore them apart, which made Elfs look at humans as some kind of lesser being. Half-elfs are when a human and an Elf in human form have a child, so the kid might get some physical features from the Pokemon, but also some of the abilities. It’s an odd trade-off depending on what abilities you want to learn later.

Cyan:

[Mixed concern and wonder as she timidly brings up] I turned into a Magicarp once, does that mean I’m an Elf?

Devin:

I don’t think Elfs are real. Did you just… wake up one morning as a fish? [half shrugs as he’s not denying it could happen, he’s seen some weird stuff before, but…] I mean, obviously you got better.

Pepe:

[writing in notes: Make Baba a Magicarp! Hums warmly to himself as he’s not sure if Cyan is going to laugh or punch him for that]

Cyan:

No, there was some weird old man who turned me into one.

Paul:

In that case, a wizard did it. I don’t think you have to worry about that again.

Cyan:

Good! … I still kind of want to play as a half-elf now. Can I?

Azure:

Sure! We haven’t started yet. Although since we made you a fighter, we’ll probably want something that specializes in attack.

Cyan:

Okay~! [while Azure is reformatting the stats for the new species] I guess since Amber and Athena are going to meet right at the start, Athena probably lives in Pallet Town. I bet she gets picked on a lot by the humans in town though, since you said they don’t like Elfs.

Paul:

That is actually a very good observation. You two seem to catch on quick. By the way, Pepe, where are you starting?

Pepe:

I guess��. I’ll start in Johto? Then I might run across Abe that w-way since w-we know no one else is there yet.

Paul:

Oooh, I like this idea already. [he slides his notes aside as to make room for the massive book he goes to set on the table. Holding it between his hands as the spine rests on the surface and he steadily eyes the group. To Cyan, Azure, and Evan on his left] You ready for this? [To Nigel, Devin and Hau on his right] Are you? [A bit of hesitation as he looks to Pepe far at the end across from him] …. You said you’ve done this before?

[As everyone agrees, Cyan glances around the table in wonderment to mixed excitement and uneasiness around the group as she can see them bracing themselves. Her attention is suddenly drawn as Azure wraps her arms her and pulls her surprisingly close. Paul opens the book before him and the golden pages start to flip by themselves at a rapid pace, generating a breeze that started to ruffle the folds on his shirt collar. Perhaps the room was growing dimmer, or the book was growing brighter, but either way the little girl could only stare in fascination as the pages from their notes started to swirl around the room. Paul could only grin to himself as the magic flowed, the last thing she’d see of him for quite some time.]

Paul:

Then let’s get started...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well that took a weird turn XD

I really have no explanation but none of this is supposed to be taken seriously. This is really weird, and breaks everything in my own headcanon, so I'm not even sure why it came up. Massive D&D AU?

This has been brewing for a long time, oddly enough. I guess I crack up at the image of Paul DM-ing considering the early lore for him as a wizard and his power with the books, and I'll admit the initial image WAAAY back when we he was the follow-up to AC and it turns out that basically all the crap the S2 hosts, or even Evan went through was because of Paul being the writer. He certainly had a way with the Glitches, didn't he? Unlike everyone else before him anyway. And here we see him in his super mundane world only to pick up a new book/mon somewhere along the way which probably gave some new inspiration to throw at his "characters." ... ... .. But I love Paul even more now the way he is, so it being more of a game seems fitting for the gang here <3