#otp: so much beauty among so much turmoil

[perverse-idyll]

Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers ❤️

Thank you to @yletylyf and @danpuff-ao3 for the invitation and reminding me to think about fic! It’s one in the morning, I had four hours sleep last night, and I’m going to entertain myself by seeing how coherent/interesting I can make this.

Anyone else want to play? @ac1d6urn, @writcraft, @liladiurne, @squibstress, @titconao3 - do you have favorites?

The first two picks are easy:

1. When the Rose and the Fire Are One - My first fanfic! Snape/Harry, my OTP before I knew what the acronym meant, my first experience of fandom, a love letter to the pairing and the Snape-centric LiveJournal community I had serendipitously stumbled upon. Written for the Snarry Games, thus finished on a (several times extended) deadline after pulling an all-nighter. I was talking shop with a writer friend recently about themes, as in “in 20 words or less, tell us the theme of your story,” and we agreed that it grows organically out of the writing and we have no idea what the theme is before we muddle through the first draft, nor do we care. (My friend writes pro fic, but she never condescends when I talk about my fanfic as if the creative process is the same - because it is in many ways, with the exception of professional editing in her case.) Well, I lied, because this fic was consciously and passionately written with the themes of freedom and beauty in mind. In canon, Snape is a character who never gets to experience adulthood free of masters; he signs up to be a pawn not once, but twice. I wanted to give him - for Harry to give him - that freedom, while at the same time presenting the temptation of a third master. The fact that Harry loves him by the end doesn’t make that beholden-ness less true. I was also determined to show that even someone raised in financial and emotional poverty, associated with ugliness, trapped in an ugly life, was capable of beauty under the right circumstances. Yes, I was up my own arse about this fic, but that’s okay because it made it more personal and intense. It was also, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, my first time writing a sex scene, and I jumped in at the deep end with glorious abandon. As one may gather from subsequent fics, I proceeded to make up for lost time and contribute to the mainstream perception that fanfic = smut.

2. The White Road - If there’s one fic I’m known for among Snarry readers, it’s this. Why? Because it’s set in Lily’s POV in the afterlife? Because it positions her as a voyeur, a mother watching the fork in the road of her child’s future, someone with the right to judge Snape? (The voyeurism aspect turned a lot of readers off.) Because it has a cracky premise treated seriously? Because it’s nonlinear? (No. For some, this was a bug, not a feature.) Because, as a recent bookmark proclaims, it’s “such a weird fic”? Mostly it was me wresting a different ending out of the ruins of Snape’s canon demise and the utter bollocks of the epilogue; it was a purgative experience. I think for Snarry readers at the time, in the year after the series ended, it touched a communal nerve. Snape fandom remained in turmoil for quite a while after the Lily reveal and Snape’s redemption by death (a redemption currently much disputed). At this point, 15 years down the line, perceptions of Snape have changed so drastically the fic no longer has that cathartic effect, if that’s what it was. Readers are less inclined to be consoled or sympathetic. But the chutzpah of putting Lily’s voice at the center - of turning her into a Snarry shipper, to be flippant about it - well, I’m still surprised I pulled it off. And this fic, like Rose & Fire above, vibrates with so much of my joy in fandom at the time, love for my OTP, for the stories being written about them, for the exuberant emotional engagement on all sides, that I'll always be able to dip into it and be transported back to that creative ferment and sense of belonging. I think it’s one of my best fics, but my love for it goes deeper than its relative worth as a story. It’s a memento of one of the best periods of my life.

Now things get tricky. I’m pretty sure the five, arrrgh, five WIPs I’m working on would be eligible for this list, but since at this stage only I can know what makes them favorites, I have to make other choices. And I haven’t written very many fics, you see.

3 & 4. In Infinite Remorse of Soul (Snape/Dumbledore, Snape/Harry-ish) and And Mine the Gall (concluding the Dumbledore arc from the earlier story, and going further with the Snape/Harry-ish mess) - I put these together because they were conceived as a single narrative, but In Infinite Remorse was written for a fest with a word count limit, so I posted the rest of it as a separate fic. Which turned out to be the right choice since the second fic is the darkest thing I’ve ever written. These linked stories were inspired by Dumbledore’s words to Snape in The Prince’s Tale - “You disgust me” - and how he condescends to and sometimes makes a fool of Snape in the books, when the poor bastard is simply trying to abide by Dumbledore’s expectations. Dumbledore is a fascinating character, but his lack of generosity toward Snape - his tendency to treat Snape’s moral worth as disposable when it’s clearly one of the things Snape struggles with throughout his life - caught my attention. It’s a counterweight to all the examples of Dumbledore’s wisdom, his concern for other characters. Even Draco has more charity and protection bestowed on him than Dumbledore ever gives Snape. And I decided to run with that idea because surely what Snape suffers and the loyalty he demonstrates deserves more than a “Poor Severus...” afterthought. What would it have done to his soul to never once be thanked, to have Dumbledore pass over his sacrifices while lavishing time and explanations on Harry? Yes, Voldemort’s defeat depends on Harry going back to fight. But what would Snape’s reaction be to learning that Dumbledore knew of a way for Harry to survive - counted on it, in fact - and lied about it to Snape’s face? From there I decided to chart Snape’s moral collapse and his “fuck it all” desire to go after something (someone) he wants for himself - destroying every moral gain he’d so painfully acquired because in the end the authority figure who was his role model took it so much for granted he even forgot to say “thank you.” And then I went for something twisted and frightening because I think a Snape who no longer believes in anything - who feels nothing he did in his life ever actually redeemed him - would be terribly destructive.

On a less dark note, I enjoyed writing a florid and heavily metaphorical prose for Dumbledore’s POV, mostly to suggest the complex and not always praiseworthy workings of his mind. He’s one of canon’s most intelligent characters, bent up into plot contrivances for the consumption of children, and I didn’t want to rehash his canon schemes because they rely too much on coincidence and authorial fiat. (Plus: word count.) I tried to show how his calculations and his roots in the Victorian era might influence his interior monologues. As for Snape? I just enjoyed letting his worst impulses off the leash. (Some readers haaate And Mine the Gall.) (Where is my evil grin emoji?)

5. Hmm, the last choice should be split between my creepy massage kink/character study Soft Touch, but I’m feeling rather listless about that one at the moment, so No Room for the Weak it is. Another oldie, functionally a gen fic with pre-slash Snarry vibes, it evolved from my interest in Snape’s mum Eileen. Snape fans often assume she’s dead in canon, probably because she’s not referenced past a certain point in his childhood and doesn’t appear in the Spinner’s End chapter. So I wrote this fic about Eileen trying to come to grips with her son’s violent death and all the contradictory rumors clouding his reputation. It was a chance to explore what kind of mother would produce a kid like Severus and to ponder how he seems to lack any instinct for distinguishing right from wrong. His upbringing left him morally deficient - in fact, clueless. I also tried to pull off a bit of a plot twist, just to see if I could string readers along. Also, tip o’ the hat to Joy Division. Best of all, IMO, I nailed the ending. I found exactly the words I wanted, and I’m pretty confident the story earned them. (Same with The White Road. And Mine the Gall … maybe.)

[safflowerseason]

Ted Lasso, the OC!

Favourite character:

Funniest character:

Best-looking character:

3 favourite ships:

Least favourite character:

Least favourite ship: 

Reason why I watch it:

Why I started watching it:

Thanks so much for the ask!! This is a fun game!!

Ted Lasso

Favourite character: In season one it was Rebecca, but S2-3 Jamie Tartt (unexpectedly!) has earned the top-spot in my character ranking.

Funniest character: oh god, how can I choose...a tie between Roy and Jamie?? Although Higgins is also extra-delightful, and I love Kitman Will Kitman's little bits. OH WAIT NEVER MIND my answer is ISAAC.

Best-looking character: Jamie Tartt. Phil Dunster is...whew.

3 favourite ships: hmmmm!! this is hard, Ted Lasso is the rare show where I don't find myself super invested in one particular ship. Higgins/his wife are probably my Ted Lasso OTP to be honest. I do like Roy/Keeley although I think the writer bungled their break-up pretty badly this season.

Least favourite character: Besides Rupert who I feel is everybody's automatic least favorite, probably Nate, just because I think the show ultimately ruined all the interesting potential for his storyline.

Least favourite ship: idk, Nate/Jade, probably? Also Coach Beard/Jane never made much sense to me either. Give Beard a more compelling love interest!

Reason why I watch it: To see how it ends!! (Assuming S3 is the final season, which it may not be...increasingly it feels like they are going to continue just without Jason Sudeikis/Ted).

Why I started watching it: I started watching Ted Lasso in late December 2020...I had seen some chatter about it online, and I had an AppleTv+ subscription earlier than most of my friends/family because I got a new iPad at the time when Apple was giving out subscriptions for free ☠️ It was such an intense time...I spent most of that month just lying around and feeling sad about the state of the world, and the show's focus on kindness felt really revelatory in a time of such political turmoil, but also in general a really tightly written, well constructed show (I do not feel that way now, necessarily). I remember sobbing my eyes out at the end of "Tan Lines" where Ted says goodbye to Michelle and my dad was like "...what are you watching???"

The OC

Favourite character: Oh god, probably a tie between Marissa and Kirsten...two characters who I feel got screwed by Josh Schwartz (albeit to very different degrees).

Funniest character: Unfortunately because the character has aged so poorly, it is indeed Seth Cohen, although I think Sandy is a close second.

Best-looking character: MARISSA. S1 Marissa is just the EPITOME of California beauty to me.

3 favourite ships: Ryan x Marissa, Sandy x Kirsten, um...I *guess* Seth and Summer, their S1 story anyway. My favorite trash!ship is Jimmy x Julie. Smarter writers could have done something with their chemistry!

Least favourite character: Hmmm...of the main ensemble I have to say Jimmy, although among the rotating supporting cast I really don't like Rachel in S1. Trey, of course, for what he did to Marissa. Also Rebecca and Carter in S2. Basically everyone the writers invented in S2 and S3 for "drama" purposes, because they were all so poorly written!! (with the exception of Alex).

Least favourite ship: Ryan x Sadie and Marissa x Volchok. I only saw S3 once and I found both of those relationships offensive.

Reason why I watch it: S1 is prestige television!!! Especially through "The Best Chrismukkah Ever." Teen drama at its best!! The pilot is one of the best episodes of American network television ever produced, and I will go die on this hill.

Why I started watching it: The OC was so omnipresent in the early-mid 00's I honestly don't remember where I first heard about it. I do remember seeing a youtube clip (in youtube's earliest days when it was just fanvids and bootlegged movies) of the ending of The Countdown and Ryan and Marissa's iconic kiss and thinking "wow, I have to watch this show."

[astarionbae]

OTP Ask + Rylee x Eddie or Nova x Kylo?

Okay I already answered 2 for Rylee & Eddie which can be found here. So I'll answer question 2 for Nova & Kylo!

What would they do if the other woke in a manic state after a nightmare?

Nova and Kylo are pretty much on the same wavelength due to their dyad bond. All it would take is just a simple touch and everything would be okay; no words are needed, just a loving stare and the whole entire galaxy just melts away.

How do their personalities compliment each other? How do they clash?

Nova/Kylo: Nova is calculated and strategic. She plays fair because she was raised to do so and because of her Force abilities being exceptionally strong and rather violent, without the need for anger. Kylo uses anger, it fuels his power but wears him out faster and he's brash and goes into battle with the mindset that he's better than others due to his Skywalker bloodline which is mighty. Their clashes is what makes them perfect candidates for partners, for being a dyad in the Force.

Rylee/Eddie: They're both into sci-fi and have a huge appreciated for heavy metal music. Both are extremely kind and loving, plus they're brave in many cases that's not inherently associated with facing down death or an uncertain demise. They both didn't have very good relationships with their fathers but it slightly varies because Eddie's dad taught him very unusual things that young kids shouldn't even know whereas Rylee was left high and dry by that a father that hardly ever present. I necessarily don't believe they clash but rather, perfectly fit together like dumping fries into a milkshake.

[everysongineverykey]

noelle!

noelle!!

favorite thing about them: god. there's so much. that's a tough question... i think one thing i've always really appreciated about her character (among yknow. all the other things) is the way she's... scared. she's really scared of the dark world and everything in it, which i find refresging because nobody else is! they all just go along with it! but noelle is a much closer representation to how i'd feel in that situation, and the wonderful part is she learns to be brave- she finds beauty in the flashing lights and deafening sounds of cyber city, like in the fireworks in the heights, and she harnesses that fear and turns it into a sense of adventure💙

least favorite thing about them: uhhh there is none really lmao. she's perfect <3 although her design could be a little more creative. like bigger more complex antlers instead of those sticks she was given. i don't CARE if it's "biologically inaccurate" or whatever GIVE HER COOL ANTLERS

favorite line: ough. there's so much to choose from... her entire december walk monologue is... whough. "when i said this city makes my head spin... i didn't mean it in a bad way. ...you know?" all that makes me feel things. OOH OR when susie asks her if she was scared of the fireworks and she says "i... guess? (maybe that's... why i couldn't stop watching...)" THAT ONE KILLS ME.

brotp: her and berdly <3 or maybe her and kris! all i know is both friendships are wonderful cause kris and berdly are both kind of insecure/bad at social stuff and noelle seems to gravitate towards people like that and that's so sweet...

otp: her and susie of course. is that even a question. the way she says susie's "the good kind of scary" implies that though she hasn't talked to susie much she knows susie isn't really a malicious bully. she knows instinctively that susie won't hurt her. and that's beautiful💙

notp: her and berdly lmao. cut that out she's a lesbian

random headcanon: she has an encyclopedic knowledge of the horror genre. really into it! she doesn't really infodump without prompting except to berdly but ask her about it and the floodgates burst open and you'll come away educated :)

unpopular opinion: uhhh i dunno if i have one for her lol. i guess that while snowgrave is a fascinating exploration of her and kris' characters, it's a little overrated and i don't think we should discount the character growth and development she goes through in the normal route? idk

song i associate with them: uh oh lol this one's gonna be tough. i don't really do the whole associating characters with songs thing but... hate myself by dodie? i dunno, it gives me a noelle sort of vibe- she takes all her loved ones' emotional turmoil and pressure and tries to put it in herself in tough times, so they won't have to suffer. when they go quiet, she hates herself.

favorite picture of them: the entirety of december walk. the atmosphere's so lovely. but since it has to be a picture...

(i particularly adore the way her sprite momentarily gets tiny as she's talking about her childhood memories. it really throws you in)

thank you for the ask! i don't talk about noelle much but i adore the way she went from a background npc in chapter 1 to such a complex and meaningful character in ch2 and i hope we'll see more of her💙

[escapeinpapers]

Book Review: CROOKED KINGDOM by Leigh Bardugo

(2nd book in Six of Crows duology)

"When fear arrives, something is about to happen."

(Warning: if you haven't read the first book, pls expect that you'll read some spoilers about that book in this review)

Plot: After the successful heist Kaz and his crew did on the Ice Court, they were not able to escape the unexpected consequences of their actions. Inej was kidnapped. Nina was still on a fierce battle with her thirst for parem. Matthias' loyalty to Nina was growing questioning his own beliefs. Wylan was still wearing Kuwei's face. Jesper had a suprise visit from his father. Kaz had been double crossed. All of them were fighting their inner turmoil while hiding in an eerie mausoleum as dangerous people looked for them. But nothing and no one can beat how dangerous Kaz was and how evil his schemes were. Despite the lack of allies, few resources and some unforeseen mistakes, Kaz was not shaken. He had still come up with the perfect plan to get his revenge, their revenge to make the people who messed their lives pay the price.

Thoughts: I am still dumbfounded. I now understood when they said that "No mourners. No funerals." is a scam because I am mourning too!!! This is a masterpiece. I am feeling gushy as I am writing this right now and I will try my best to put into words how much this book played me for the past few days.

What I love:

1. The amazing plot. The mind of the author must be insanely crazy. There is real crap going on in every page and sometimes I got lost but it didn't rubbed me in a wrong way instead it made me focus more on reading. It just gets more and more interesting and it felt like my entire being is pulled down by the gravity of their world as I find myself reading 2-5 chapters more than I intended to read. The twists and turns were mind blowing. More secrets, deceptions and schemes. When I said that I was played by this book, I meant it. If Six of Crows was a roller coaster ride, well Crooked Kingdom is like bungee jumping on an airplane. Idk if that is enought to explain it but that's how crazy this book is from my experience. (tbh, I lost count of how many times Kaz Brekker fooled me)

2. The dialogues and lines. This book stepped up its game in terms of throwing unforgettable lines. Again, beautifully written. I laughed so hard because of how witty the jokes and sarcasm are being delivered. There were times that I felt horrified but amazed of how the threats are being told. Also, there were some dialogues and lines that are so beautiful but heart wrenching and made me cry. Swear, they will leave a mark onto your brain. Here is one of my favorite line:

“I would come for you,” he said, and when he saw the wary look she shot him, he said it again. “I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together—knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.”

3. The level up of the characters. The character development was beautifully done especially on Wylan and Inej. In the first book, they were my least favorite among the six but this book made me think twice. Their personalities just shined and I became more connected to them. Inej is a queen, I love her. Kaz? Well, he just became more amazing to me. I'm so head over heels with his scheming face. He is probably now my favorite fictional character ever (woops my twilight babies are shaking lol).

4. The romance of course. How could I forget that? If you've read six of crows and dreamt skinships between your favorite otps, well you are rewarded with this book. There is also a level up in relationships and it will feed your heart with both love and pain. I know HelNik (Matthias and Nina) is my ultimate otp but the slow burn romance between KaNej (Kaz and Inej) made me literally scream because I want them badly to fix their issues and just touch each other.

5. The ending. What they have done to the people who messed with them was so satisfying. I'll just leave it that way so you'll wonder why.

What I don't love:

Again, this book is a masterpiece. I don't see anything bad about it except it will totally make you emotionally unstable and probably have a book slump.

Recommending to:

Everyone who loves YA fantasy and intense plots. (though you need to read Six of Crows before reading this)

Thank you for reading! Till my next review ❤