#otherwise I’m sorry I did my best lmao

[keyyu]

New gacha juice keychains!! Will be added to my Etsy (along with the first set of mystery juices) later this week!! (Aiming for Friday 5/3 at the latest)

[sealer-of-wenkamui]

I don’t know if it’s because I specifically love cruel, abusive (and especially sexually abusive) characters, or if it’s because I’ve read his sections of Abe no Seimei Monogatari, but I often feel like my thoughts on (fate) Douman are at odds with most of his other fans, to the point I can’t really interact with them about him, and gotta mute a lot of them (which I am finally starting to do)

Especially when it comes to Fujimaru, I honestly do not think he holds any genuine love nor desire to help them (unless it benefits himself in some way), even his historical counterpart was someone merely seeking fame, which Seimei calls him out on. And we already have concrete proof of a lack of love of humanity. They remind him of Seimei, so of course he wants to stay close, and is obsessed with them, but out of a desire to hurt, not help, it’s not all that different than his obsession with Danzou (who also has connections to Seimei), it’s just with her, she was much easier to take advantage of.

People seem to underestimate Seimei’s importance too? From the start he’s described as violent and arrogant, but it’s his envy of Seimei that made him into such a monsterous person. Thats the whole thing he’s known for, his obsession with surpassing Seimei, you can’t talk about his character without bringing him up… in Abe no Seimei Monogatari, he’s described as delighting in achieving his desires only after carrying out his plan to steal Seimei’s secrets and kill him. As a Servant, he is only the evils of such a man, and yes they don’t come from nowhere, but he’s not particularly tragic or anything, he’s incredibly petty. I enjoy that about him, someone so genuinely monstrous and out of a very human emotion that spiraled out of control to the point he’s taking it out on everyone else and delighting in mocking them. (I also just hate when such a delightfully evil character is softened, he has more depth than it initially seems, but that doesn’t mean a genuine desire to help people)

[moonstruckme]

Hi! This is my first time ever sending a request before, so bear with me. I was hoping you could do a best friend! James with no boundaries where he and female reader are cuddling and somehow end up fucking lol. Like. They both see it as simply helping each other out as best friends do, but the way they speaking and actions is obviously saying otherwise. Either reader or James (I don’t mind) would be super comforting and praising the other, and caressing their waist absentmindedly. It’s been on my mind for says now and I just had to ask LMAO.

Thanks for requesting!

cw: smut mdni, "casual" sex with no feelings talk (sorry), oral (f receiving), p in v

bestfriend!James x fem!reader ♡ 1.9k words

You’d never be watching this series if it weren’t for James. It’s science fiction, a low production budget met with poorly written lines, but your deceptively nerdy best friend gobbles it all up without reservations. You’re three seasons deep and losing interest fast, half asleep during the big battle scene. 

James is running his thumb absently over your arm, not really helping matters. His shoulder is warm and the material of his shirt soft under your cheek, your legs curled up against his thigh. There’s a bone-deep contentedness and a slow, oozing warmth that make your eyes slip closed. 

“Are you asleep?” James' voice is soft, not meant to really rouse you if you are. 

You crack your eyelids to find you’ve slipped halfway down his bicep. “No,” you mumble. 

“Mm, I didn’t think so.” He gives your arm a playful squeeze. “I said to myself, ‘Sleep through the season finale of our favorite show? No, she’d never do that.’” 

“And you were right.” You sit up, your neck aching from the cruel angle. Scoot closer to him. “I would never do that.” 

“That would be ridiculous.” James’ voice is warm with amusement and affection. He adjusts his grip on you, helping you to get closer and more upright. Your entire side is pressed up against his. “And during the big battle scene, too.” 

You wind your arms around his middle, feeling the familiar ridges of muscles beneath his shirt. “Yeah, doesn’t sound like me.” You shuffle your legs closer to him. Until your thigh is almost entirely in his lap, until you brush up against something you shouldn’t. James tenses.

“Oh.” You retract your leg quickly. 

James brings his own leg closer to his bulge, and you look up at him with wide eyes. 

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry.” James looks pained. 

“Did I hurt you?”

“No.” A little laugh gusts out of him. “No, sweetheart, you’re alright. I’m just a bit embarrassed.” 

You shake your head, eager to absolve him. “Don’t worry about it.” 

But it’s impossible to ignore the ache that discovering his erection has started between your own legs. The slow, oozing warmth you’d felt before and thought nothing of is now much more obvious. 

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” James says. “It’s just that we’re cuddling, and it’s been a while, so—” 

“James. It’s really fine.” 

He gives you an imploring look. “Promise you don’t feel weird about it?” 

“Yeah,” you say, lifting one shoulder awkwardly. “It’s…I get it.” 

You hoped that would be enough for him, but you should have known better than to expect James to drop it after you’ve said something like that. 

“You do?” he asks. Surprised, curious. 

“I…yeah.” You try to keep your tone blasé, though you can’t look at him. You’re not about to admit to the wetness you can feel pooling in your underwear. “I mean, it’s been a while for me too. The cuddling is nice.” 

“Yeah?” James looks at you, and you feel the touch of it everywhere. 

You rub your lips together. “Yeah.” 

“Well, if it doesn’t bother you, we could keep on, then.” James relaxes back into the couch, your arms having never moved from around him. His arm settles over your shoulders again. But you can’t stop looking at the bulge in his pants. Large and insistent and mere inches from your thigh. 

“We could…” Your voice is soft, part of you maybe hoping he won’t hear you. “We could always help each other out.” 

James stays perfectly still underneath you. “Is that something you want?” 

“If you do.” 

Your voice is tight with nerves. James’ thumb begins sweeping over your upper arm again, comforting you on instinct.

“Hey,” he says lightly, “don’t make any sacrifices on my account.” 

You huff a laugh. “I’m not.” 

He sits up, looking at you. “Okay.” 

“It can be totally casual,” you say quickly. “We don’t ever have to talk about it again.” 

“Are you sure you want to?” 

You don’t trust yourself to speak, so you nod.

“Alright.” James’ big hands soothe up and down your arms. He considers you. “How do you want it?” 

“Wh…what do you mean?” 

He smiles. “I mean, did you have something in mind?”

“Oh.” Your brain is all staticy. “Um, not really. Whatever you want.” 

James gives you another easy perusal. You try not to shiver, more than used to his complete lack of self-consciousness but unfamiliar with the heady feel it takes on in this context. Slowly, intention solidifies in his gaze. He takes off his glasses, placing them on the coffee table. 

“Tell me if I do anything you don’t want, yeah?” 

You barely have time to squeak out an okay before he’s pulling down your trousers and your underwear with it. He takes one leg in each hand and spreads them open, exposing the slickness between. 

“Oh.” There’s an edge of teasing to his sympathetic tone as he dips down to kiss beside the source. “Oh, poor girl. Seems like it really has been a while.” 

You gasp out a laugh, nerves frenzied at the spectacular oddity of James’ mouth on your inner thigh. “Get fucked.” 

“Ladies first.” You nearly whimper when his breath fans over your cunt. “By the looks of it you need it more anyway.” 

You can’t muster a retaliation, but James doesn’t seem to hold it against you. He presses a soft, gentle kiss to your sex, getting a feel for it before diving in. You cry out and fist a hand in the mop of his curls, and James takes the outside of your thigh in his hand, giving the flesh an approving squeeze. 

“You’re actually quite lovely down here,” he mumbles conversationally, whilst alternating his attention between your hole and your clit like he’s sampling a buffet, “in case you didn’t know.” 

“Thanks,” you pant. 

“S’very nice.” His nose bumps up through your folds, and you make a pleady, wanton sound, pushing your hips up into him. 

“How…” You’re breathless, struggling to think through the buzz of your brain. “How is this helping you?” 

James laughs. You nearly scream at the rumbling feel of it inside of you. “Oh, it’s helping me, sweetheart. Don’t worry.” 

“I—I—” Fuck, coherent speech is harder than it’s ever been. “I changed my mind.” 

Immediately, James stops. He looks up at you, brown eyes almost all black and glistening with arousal from nose to chin. “You have?” 

You nod, panting. “Yeah. I know what I want.” 

His expression relaxes. “Oh. What’s that?” 

“I want you.” It feels like blasphemy to say. You’re half worried that James is going to laugh at you, back away, say that all of this was fine but now you’ve taken things too far. “In me.” 

James smiles. There’s no teasing in it, only eagerness and a pleasant sort of surprise. 

“Well,” he says, “it’s a good thing we’ve started here then, but I’m still not sure if you’re ready for me.” 

You laugh, rolling your eyes. “Oh, get over yourself.” 

“Oi,” James gives your thigh a squeeze, “don’t be mean. I’m serious.”

You give him a deadpan look. You know James is big. He’s a big guy in general, and you’ve seen him in his boxers, slept pressed up against him. Still, you can’t imagine it’s that imposing. 

“I think I can handle it.” 

James sucks on his bottom lip. “Okay,” he says after a moment, “we can give it a try, but don’t be shy about telling me if it’s too much, alright?”

You scoff. “I won’t.” 

He chuckles at you as sits up on his knees, undoing his trousers. “Just don’t be a martyr, babe.” 

“You’re so full of it.” 

But as he does away with his boxers and his length springs free, your confidence wavers. James lowers himself over you, watching you carefully as he lays down with his forearms bracketing your head. 

“This alright for you?” he asks, voice gentling some. You nod, but he doesn’t move, studying you. “You’re okay?” 

You swallow, finding your voice. “Yeah.” 

“You sure? We don’t have to.” 

“No, I want to.” You say it in a rush, but as soon as it comes out you realize how true it is. “I want to.” 

James must see the sincerity of it in your face, because he nods. “Okay.” He brushes his cock up through your folds, and you take a surprised inhale. It feels like a caress. “Tell me if it’s too much.” 

He pushes into you slowly, his own face tightening while he keeps a close eye on yours. You let your eyes flutter shut, your legs falling further open for him. A low, needy sound rises in your throat. 

When James pauses, you almost cry. “Keep going,” you tell him. 

“Fine, fine, take it easy.” The amusement is easy to hear in his voice, as is something else, something warmer and sweeter. “I only wanted to check in on you. You’re taking it so well, sweetheart.” 

One of his hands finds your waist as he goes deeper, big palm moving up and down your side, an absentminded comfort. You relax at the touch, and it’s what he needs. James bottoms out inside of you. 

You don’t have time to adjust to the feel of it before his mouth falls down onto yours, warm and soft and tasting of sex. You moan softly, and James encourages your bottom lip into his mouth, suckling devoutly like he had at your clit. After a few seconds, he breaks the kiss as if nothing happened. As if it’s something you do every day.

“You look so pretty like this,” he says, caressing your cheek. “I wish you could see. Does that feel good, lovely?” 

Ridiculously, you’re so focussed on his hand on your face that it takes you a second to remember he’s talking about his cock. 

“Yeah,” you say honestly. “Feels really good.” 

“Good.” He starts rocking his hips back and forth, an easy, gentle pace. His lips find your neck, parting wetly over your skin. “You feel so good, sweetheart. So perfect for me.” 

You realize when his chin brushes your collar that you’re still wearing your shirt, which feels bizarre. Then you wonder when not wearing a shirt around James began to feel like the only logical option. 

You lose your train of thought quickly when his hand slips underneath it again, soothing up and down your side as he moves in and out of you. He sucks bruises that feel like blessings into your skin, holds one of your hands in his own, groans when your fingernails dig into his shoulder. 

You breathe his name, and he says yours in between kisses, along with sweetheart and darling and my pretty girl. His voice is familiar, safe and warm, but the peaceful spell he’s putting you under isn’t something you can explain. His body fits to you like it’s what you were both made for.

You sigh when it’s over, pulling James down and letting him melt into you. You don’t pretend you came like you have with other guys, but you feel more satisfied than you ever have. 

You cup his face in your hand, and he turns his head, kissing your palm. Your brain feels like soup. 

“So.” Your voice comes out a whisper. “Did that help?” 

James’ laughter is deep and warm. “Yeah, lots. What about you?” 

“Mhm.” 

He watches you for a while, playing with your fingers in his. It’s not a dubious look, only happy. Fond. 

A sound effect from the television gets your attention, and you turn to look at it. “We missed the season finale,” you say weakly. 

“Yeah.” James doesn’t move his eyes from you. “We’re going to have to rewind and watch it from the beginning, I think.” 

“Oh, awesome. Can’t wait.”

[nouearth]

my favorite scent is you.

bruce wayne x male reader.

summary: bruce needs to be taken care of too (in which reader believes it's through the form of sex).

wc: 3.5k. genre: smut, angst (kinda?). warnings: top!bruce, consensual!somnophilia, blowjobs, slow mouth-fucking, fondling, reader is asleep, bruce and reader are the same age, reader also grew up with bruce, mentions of parental death, trauma-bonding.

notes: it's been a while since i've done a brucey smut (and also fulfilled a request), so here ya go! actually my first time writing about somnophilia, so be easy on me, lmao. it was harder than i thought! also i'm trying a new layout,,, kinda, don't mind me.

“Do you remember that night? When my parents… you know.”

It had been a little less than a decade, but the uneasiness you felt when mentioning your parents’ death was akin to hovering your palm above an open flame. The flicker of the heat frightened you. Though, you couldn’t help but feel magnetic towards it—closer and closer—until you felt a strike to your calloused hand.

Just a little more, and you’ll break free.

It was striking how your wounds maintained their novelty. Years of skin hardening, scabbing and layering over the memory of Bruce breaking the news to you on that night, and the slightest mention of your parents tore it open with little defiance.

“Yeah…” Bruce whispered, and a sudden impulse to hold you prevailed over him. He turned over on his side, slipping his arms over and under your frame, and pulled your back flushed to his chest. You eased with a melting squirm, a physical gratitude, and then another when you pressed a kiss to his forearm. “It was supposed to be Alfred telling you, but I insisted.”

“Really?” Your curiosity was piqued and you felt Bruce nod into the crown of your head, breathing you in deep like his favourite cologne. A scent he’d never wear himself because it matched you perfectly. “How come?”

“Well, I had no one other than Alfred when my parents died. He tried his best, but we barely had time to grieve. A bunch of responsibilities were bestowed upon him overnight; my parents’ estate, numerous paperworks, the press and media, not to mention the funeral service. It was… a lot for him.”

Bruce sighed, squeezing you tighter for support as he continued. “I remember reading—signing off things that I knew nothing about the very next day.” He then laughed, a bitterness surfing for air in the bass of his voice. “I didn’t even have a signature yet.”

“I’m sorry…” A heaviness sank you and Bruce deeper into the mattress. You latched onto Bruce’s arm for support, held him gently, and found levity through the brush of his lips, as if he was saying—consoling you through the black void: I’m here, I’m here. 

“Is that why you guys hired my parents?”

“Mm-hm, we needed help around the manor while Alfred had bigger duties to tend to. And I’m glad he suggested the idea as much as I was apprehensive about it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have met such an incredible family. A year became two, then another two, then another, and…” Bruce recalled the sounds, the visions of red and blue flashing—blaring into the sky.  “Which was why I thought it would be best if it came from me. So I could be that someone that I desperately needed during my grieving.”

“You shouldn’t have been thinking about that though… I mean, what—we were only fifteen? Coming from your background, you should’ve been… cocky, annoying, emo, selfish, like every other teenager.

“I guess your personality kind of compensated for that—” He amused himself with some levity.

“Hey!” You choked out a laugh, then lightly elbowed his stomach behind you. “Ass.”

“Ow,” Bruce pressed a smile to the back of your head, inhaling your scent again. “I did have that emo phase though.”

“Oh yeah—” Within his hold, you turned your body to meet Bruce face-to-face as a flood of memories came rushing in. You greeted him with a smile that he was able to single out from within the dark. Then, he made sure your presence was acknowledged with a chaste kiss. 

“Your hair came down to your nose and stuff—oh! And you kept wearing the same hoodie too.” 

“Yeah, okay—we get it. Not my best look.” He groaned, tearing himself away from you as your descriptions of Bruce suddenly developed into powerfully cringe-inducing memories. As embarrassing as the past was, he was glad it brought you some kind of merriment. He’d been scolded multiple times by numerous people, though namely Alfred, to treat you better.

You and Bruce weren’t always close. In all honesty, it took your parents’ death that empowered you two to stick together more than ever. Where darkness used to storm over the roof of the manor, you and Bruce managed to conjure a light that illuminated a path to find sanctuary within each other.

“Thank you for all you’ve done for me.” The moonlight reflecting through the bedroom window casted shadows across Bruce’s profile. Wrinkles you’ve never noticed before were accentuated; eye-bags that you’ve been nagging at him to take care of deepened; glimpses of a boy who was forced to grow up. 

He turned when you reached over to trace over the spotlighted features. A single digit caressed the bumpy bridge of his nose; the stubble that tickled you whenever you kissed; the cut over his broad chin that was your favorite spot to kiss,; the scar over his left cheek that had been healing for months, only to restart the process again after Bruce’s late night endeavors.

“Let me take care of you now.”

You weren’t sure how Bruce took your proposal. Recalling the moment had you adding unnecessary details that all-the-more exploded the situation into a narrative you couldn’t exactly trust.

Wait… he made a weird face when I told him. I remember a face! No, idiot—he just had an itch on his cheek. Oh.

I don’t remember his phone ringing… You think he was trying to get out of the conversation? Maybe? He usually has his phone set on the loudest volume possible…

Oh god, he probably thinks I’m some kind of sex-crazed addict. Well, aren’t you— No?! I just—wanted to take care of him… We rarely see each other these days and I doubt the lunches I’d make for him add much to that narrative. I needed something more. Wow, I’ve been talking to myself for this long?

You probably look crazed, especially if someone were to walk in the bedroom at this moment, but you’d be too deep into your thoughts to hardly notice. If you did notice, you’d probably go on a tangent about how Bruce was probably disgusted by how you could even suggest a thing like that.

Your toes and fingers curled at the recollection you were certain happened.

“So… I know you’ve been out late at night—” “(M/N), it’s not what you—” “Shh, I’m too good of a catch for you to cheat on me.” “I mean, keep that cockiness up and maybe—” “Excuse me?!” “I’m joking.” “Uh-huh, well, keep joking and I might have to rescind my offer.” “Your offer?” “Look, I haven’t seen you much lately. It’s not your fault. You’re busy.” “I know—I just need to deal with this…” “Bruce, you look—you are tired. You’re overworked and whenever we do spend time together, you’re asleep!” “I’m trying my b—” “You’re trying your best, I know! And I don’t know what you do at night, not sure if I do want to know, but… two-three hours of sleep is not enough. You’re killing your body.” “Hm…” “And one day, you’re going to crack and I just…” “Just..?” “I’m not sure how to… put it.” “What is it?” “If you want to… and it’s entirely up to you, but…” “Jesus, spit it out—” “I— if I’m still asleep, and you want to somehow… relieve your stress..?” “Oh—” “I’m all yours.”

The second hand on the clock cycled slower, almost as if it was mocking you for being so desperate, impatient, and doubting. Yet, at the same time—if clocks could have a personality—there was a dormant kindness in the rhythm of the minute hand striking every corner of the wheel. Gentle and soothing, the lids of your eyes grew heavier with every passing second as the sound of the clock counted sheeps for you.

Forty, forty-one… fourty-two… Forty… three…

The floor creaked despite Bruce’s best efforts to remain light on his feet. You’ve always been a light sleeper, even at the sound of wind whistling you’d jolt up to, but surprisingly—nothing. 

As he approached his side of the bed, his eyes settled on you like always. To Bruce, it was a sweet sigh of relief to come back home to you again. Sometimes, a miracle depending on the crimes of that night. Nightly patrols have taken a toll on him; on his body, on his mentality; but being in your presence always—no matter what—brought him back to the solitude his life was at before being laboured by vengeance.

Coldly, he sat on the edge, careful to not wake you, as he dried off the damp strands of his washed hair with a towel. Then, he chased after the tremors off his bare body with several rubs of the coarse towel, gathering water molecules into the material until he was somewhat dry. It was the typical nightly routine of Bruce Wayne, in which he was guilty of vacating you of.

Bruce witnessed—took part in—how you ended your night. A late night snack, a book, a tv show—and he’d stroke your hair to the sound of his heartbeat until you were out like a light. He’d never forget to kiss your forehead as if it was an enchantment that would guard him for the rest of the night. Naively, Bruce was apprehensive of the subtle chance of reducing his survival rate if he were to miss a night of seeing you—touching you. Even if you had the biggest argument with him, even if you were in the wrong, he’d make sure to see you one last time before escaping into the shadows, saving the city—saving you.

After dressing himself in a fresh set of briefs, the soft cushions of his bed and pillows enticed him back into sanctuary. He crawled back into bed and instinctively found his arms around your body, warm and full against the recovering bruises against his own flesh. Skipping dinner was a norm, but he felt satiated when he could hear you breathe, feel your pulse, and watch you writhe within his doting affection.

“Goodnight.” Bruce muttered as he nestled his nose into your hair, another deep inhale of your scent to ground him that you were still present in his life. And then another as his head turned towards your neck, a familiar smell that taunted him to lean closer until his nose pressed softly into the crook of your skin.

White musk.

The top note of his favourite cologne on you. It lingered delightfully in Bruce’s nostrils, and there was a reason why he always urged you to spray it on date nights. It was intoxicating.

Come to think of it, Bruce’s night routine hadn’t completely checked off all of his tasks for the night. After he would come home, it was a no-brainer to shower off the sweat, dirt, and sometimes blood, from his patrols. He would scrape his hair clean with the shampoo suds, mint and cooling on his scalp. Then he’d move onto his body. The suds would trickle down his torso, gather in his muscles, and he’d add onto the bubbles with his body wash, lathering himself from head to toe. And almost always, the slightest brush of his length would break the restraints the night had locked his sanity behind. It was always you that managed to free him. As he would squeeze himself, fondle his sack while the suds dribbled down his leg and feet, he’d think of you—miss you in ways he wouldn’t dare to ignore, ways in which he was ashamed to desert you of.

“I’m all yours.” Your proclamation echoed, ran marathons in Bruce’s mind as the white musk led him astray. The simple thought of him taking advantage of you guilted him, churned his stomach until it was bundled into thick knots, but it made his heart race.

“(M/N)?” He whispered. The bed creaked when Bruce peered over you, and he was met by silence. A few soft snores joined the ticking of the clock, but for the most part, silence.

I shouldn’t… Bruce convinced himself. It was… shameful to even think of taking advantage of you like that—in your unconscious state, in your vulnerability. You looked peaceful in your slumber and knowing how hard you worked, he wouldn’t dare to ruin it because of his own selfish desires.

He sighed, rolling flat onto his back again, hoping the uncomfortable ache in his briefs would settle down in a minute or so. When it didn’t, Bruce tended to it with a brief re-adjustment of the way his length stood. Then again as he twitched in defiance.

Again, as he throbbed.

And again, when his briefs couldn’t support his throbbing erection anymore. 

Bruce turned his head to the side, scanning your unconscious state. His eyes traced the languid form of your body as it sank deep into the mattress, hugging the air to your body while he slowly pulled the blanket off of you.

The bed creaked as inch by inch, Bruce scooted closer to you, turning back to lie on his side and nearly spooning you again. His movements were sluggish, apprehensive to wake you, but at the same time, there was an adrenaline rush surging through him knowing he could be caught any second (despite your permission).

His hand felt it as it caressed your arm in singular, docile strokes. Then his breath, as he leaned closer, pressing himself against you again, and slipped a hand under your shirt. Your bare stomach rested warmly against his calloused palm, and he felt your breath hitch, your stomach tensed, every evidence of your presence, as Bruce ran a palm upwards to touch your chest once, then back down to bravely slither under the waistband of your boxers.

“Fuck…” Bruce’s breath unevened, struggling to keep a steady rhythm, when his palm gently groped a handful of your flaccid cock, a complete opposite of the shameful erection he was prodding near your bottom. You writhed once, and he quickly paused with a shudder as you suddenly turned to lie on your back, smacking the dryness in your throat away as you drove yourself into deeper slumber.

He found it unusual how you haven’t awakened by now, but the cynical part of him pleaded for you to remain asleep—until he had his way with you.

Gently, Bruce lifted your hips to pull down the remainder of your boxers off until you were bare in all of your glory before him. Your balls lay briefly in between your legs before they were back to being fondled in his warm palms. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous like this…”

Droplets of sweat formed over Bruce’s hairline as he sluggishly maneuvered himself to kneel over your unconscious state. His thighs hardened, flexed as he maintained his balance over you. He stroked his cock with his free-hand; to the gentle snores you poured out, to your slightly parted lips that he could easily spread open with his girth, and to his surprise, to the stiffness of your cock as it stirred awake from his constant fondling.

What are you dreaming about? Are you dreaming of me? Are you dreaming of being fucked by me? Bruce groaned as he witnessed the once softened features of your face stiffened into diffident lust. Your breath unknowingly quickened when Bruce began stroking your cock together with his in one grasp. Your body writhed with uncomfortable pleasure as if you wanted whatever was happening to you to stop, yet the throbbing veins of your cock begged Bruce for more—to hold you for longer, to keep doing as he pleased.

Bruce forgot what it was like to have you like this; to have you squirming beautifully beneath him, dripping in heavy pre-cum while simultaneously having your cock lathered in his own fluid. He was enticed by your every movement, squirming and writhing confined by the state of slumber as you couldn’t stop him. You couldn’t stop the uncomfortable pleasure that was happening to you because you were dreaming a dream that refrained you from resisting your boyfriend.

I know you want it. Fuck… I know you want my cum, (M/N). He paused briefly to press his forehead into yours, sweat dripping off his face and onto your body in his maneuver, and breathed languidly against your lips to find the parting in order to breathe his lewd thoughts into you. Bruce was careless, dangerously brave as he slipped a tongue inside of you to spread your mouth open further. You made a sound, but he muted it with a swallow as he ravished you like honey on a spoon. Remnants of mint lingered on his tongue, and as much as he wanted to continue tasting you, he needed to relieve himself.

He was close.

Carefully, he dragged himself over your chest and kneeled over your chest. Bruce’s cock hung heavy above your slumber, dripping in thick strings of pre-cum from the plump tip—a shameful exhibit of how much this had turned him on, how much he had been deprived of this act for so long.

Open wide. It was morbid. Bruce never thought himself of ever once doing this obscene act, but the guilt that had been the cause of his apprehension was only fleeting the moment he pushed his cock into your sleeping mouth. 

“Oh, fuck…” He was careful with you. Careful enough to not stir you awake, but courageous enough to fulfill his sense of greed. Bruce pushed deeper, and deeper until he couldn’t anymore. His thick cock steadied your breathing and in favor, your saliva warmed him with complete gratitude.

Come on, I know you can take it… His eyes darkened at your inability to take his girth. As much as it sounded like a threat, it drove him delirious knowing you couldn’t. Even in your waking moments, it fueled a sense of pride when you gagged on his cock, covered him in bubbly thick spittle, and looked like an absolute mess while attempting to swallow him again.

Fuck, (M/N)... You’d pull him out when you had enough of gagging on his cock and jerk him off instead, catching your breath in the midst of it all. He never told you, but it was Bruce’s favourite part whenever you two did this together. The pure lust in your eyes, craving for a fill that you and him both know that he would deliver upon greatly. And somehow, as lewd as the act was, you both knew it was more than sex. You and Bruce were making love, fucking with a craving that you only have for each other because it was only you two that could bring this type of pleasure to one another. 

“Fuck—” Bruce paced himself, biting back an adamant moan, thrusting slow yet filling into your mouth as he held onto the headboard. The scrape of your teeth made him hiss, but the pleasure of your warm mouth was so fulfilling that it overwhelmed any painful feeling you’ve prescribed him to.

I’m close, (M/N)... Fuck, let me cum on you… On your body, on your face, I want it everywhere on you.

He released his cock from your mouth and took the heavy girth into his own palm, pumping the muscle with a sudden vigor that had been motivated to see you covered in his fluids. Bruce’s eyes rolled back into his lids, panting heavy and harder because he was so close—so fucking close. He could see you sticking your tongue out for him, on your knees, playing with your cum-covered cock as you would wait patiently for his reward. You would begin begging for it—his cum, his cock, him. You’d worship his body, mouthing at his toned thighs, then his abdominal muscles, licking the sweat off the gutters to briefly satiate your appetite for Bruce.

Until you were gifted with his indulgent desire for you and only you in the form of thick and creamy white ropes. “I’m comin—” Bruce’s stomach sucked in hard, his abs contracting while his thighs vibrated with tremors, then with a guttural push, he released himself with a strong grunt. His grasp directed his thick and heavy loads towards your chest and stomach, stroking his throbbing cock through the glorious sprays. He sucked in his teeth to control the sounds that were threatening to burst out of his throat and whimpered with a shudder when it was unmanageable, continuing to empty his balls until he could smell the heavy sex and musk off your body.

Scanning you from head to toe, Bruce was breathless. Despite his delirious stint, it was impressive to see you drifting off to sleep like nothing had happened. Or rather, it was impressive that he had a certain amount of control to not completely make love to you like a wild mammal, rousing you from sleep.

Nonetheless, he powered through the overwhelming need to sleep to clean you up, even if you hadn’t mind the mess. And like always, he never forgot to end his night with a kiss, pressing a chaste yet breathless pant to your lips.

“Think your way of ‘taking care of me’ needs more time in the workshop , but we’ll talk about it later.” 

nouearth. please do not repost, plagiarize, or translate my works. andif you like this story, please reblog and leave a like!

[lincolndjarin]

Best Kept Secret

chapter twenty six : crucifixion

ao3 link ✿ series masterlist ✩ main masterlist ✧

pairing : bodyguard!Din Djarin x afab!princess!reader

rating : 18+ mdni

word count : 12.7k

summary : judgement day.

warnings: major character death, above canon typical violence, very brief references to suicide, torture, body horror (briefly), feelings of despair, blood, wounds, general kodo grossness, vomit (reader vomits several times, it is never described in detail), language, angst, brief smut, pregnancy, death, reader is not doing well in this like she's at a breaking point, i may have missed some so feel free to let me know.

a/n: please read the warnings on this chap! it's the most serious of the bks updates, definitely a bit more intense than the rest. gonna work on getting 27 out within the next few day. i've been terrified of releasing this chapter since i started writing it so once i post this i'm going to dig a hole and sit in it and hide for a while lmao.

i changed my editing style so if there's spelling errors lmk!! apologies in advance!!

“My room is too big.” 

He bursts into genuine peals of laughter and you gently smack his arm.

“Don’t laugh, it’s a serious issue! My room is enormous.” You’re giggling along with him now, it’s the hardest you’ve ever heard him laugh. You both just laugh for a few minutes, as if each other's company is the most amusing thing in the world. 

Once your giggles fizzle out you wait another moment before breaking the silence. 

“Where did you grow up?” You can’t see him but you can sense where he sits in the darkness, you crawl forward so you’re sitting between his legs, your own legs wrap around his waist. “I’m just curious.” 

“Aq Vetina.” You can’t recall anything about the planet. You aren’t even sure you’ve heard of it. 

“Do you remember your parents well? You don’t talk about them very much.” You put your hands on his shoulders, ever so slowly moving them up to his neck until you’re cupping his face. 

“I’ll never forget them.” He whispers. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. We can’t change the past.” You rub your nose against his, bumping them together as you hum and nod. “My mother loved ships. We didn’t travel, we never had a reason to, but she would take me outside and we’d watch ships fly past. I could never comprehend how she knew the name for all of them, it blew my mind.” You wrap your arms around his neck, staying silent in hopes that he’ll continue, he so rarely speaks so much. “My father worked a lot but he always made time for us, he was always home in time to say goodnight to me. He was always around when I needed him, he always provided for us. On his day off he’d spend the whole day cooking, I’d sit on the kitchen counter and tell him what my mother and I had done that week. When she’d come home we’d all eat dinner together.” 

“You sound like you were a happy child.” You can’t help but smile. 

“I never had reason to be otherwise.” He says it so matter of factly that you don’t doubt it for a second. He was loved. It only makes you smile wider.         

“What were you like, as a child?”

“Well behaved.” You immediately begin laughing once more. 

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Believe it. My mother homeschooled me, she always made sure I had manners. I wasn’t particularly athletic or talkative so I didn’t play with other kids a lot. It was just me and mama.” He sounds far away, it makes you want to hold him close and never let him go.

“So what did you do all day?” Your tone has softened significantly. 

“I would sew.” 

“Be serious.” He’s the one who laughs now at the disbelief in your voice.

“I am! I would sit with my mother after my lessons and we’d sew.” His fingertips dance along the back of your neck as he reminisces. 

“What kinds of things?” You don’t tease. When you really think about it you suppose such a hobby is fitting for him. A task that requires precision and care. 

“I would help her make clothes and blankets that she would sell most days. On the weekends she’d let me do whatever I wanted so I would practice my embroidery.” 

“My heart is actually about to explode out of my chest, you’re so cute.” You put on a mocking tone but the thought of such a thing really does make your heart clench. “Little Din Djarin stitching his name into his clothes.”

“You’re a cruel woman.” He leans forward, knocking his forehead against yours, almost as if he were reprimanding you. 

“What sorts of things would you embroider?” Your tone goes back to genuine, you could listen to him talk about himself for days and you’d never get bored. 

“Whatever my mother wanted. I would ask her what I should do and then I’d stitch it onto her blanket or the hem of her skirt. Mostly flowers, she loved daisies.” You’re pretty sure one of your ovaries literally popped at the thought of a little boy with dark curls and big brown eyes sitting beside his mother and embroidering a daisy onto her skirt. Your heart flutters a bit as you think of the necklace he got you. The silver outline of a flower you now realize is a daisy. “If he was ever gone for more than one night for work my father would bring her daisies, one for each day he was away.”

“Do you still know how?”

“I used to fix Grogu’s clothes when he ripped them but I haven’t done much else since I was a boy. He says it with finality but you carry on, not wanting him to stop talking. 

“What were their names? Your parents?”

“Clara and Arin Djarin.”  

“Those are pretty names.”

“What was it like for you? You said you had seven siblings right?”

“Eight actually.” You think of them now. There were eight of you and your parents' love for all of you combined wasn’t even a tenth of how much Din’s parents loved him. 

“Do you like having a big family?” He lifts you off of his lap, laying you back down as he crawls on top of you, laying against your chest. 

“I love it. I miss my siblings everyday, do you think we’ll be able to visit them someday?”

“If it’s safe to, of course we will.” He tilts his head, if you weren’t in darkness he’d be looking at you. 

“I wish they had visited here. They would have loved you.”

“You think?”

“Are you kidding me? The younger ones would adore you.” You tangle your finger in his hair, scratching his scalp. “Kids just naturally like you.” 

“They just haven’t learned to fear me.” You frown when he says it like a fact.

“I think it’s more than that.”

“Yeah?” The hopeful tilt to his voice has you leaning down to press a kiss into his hair. 

“Kids are intuitive, they can sense that you’re a good person.” He tenses up as you tell him he’s a good person. You know exactly what he’s thinking about now, how he punched your husband and then refused to leave. 

Neither one of you wants to talk about that though, not today. 

“What kind of room would you want? Since your current room isn’t to your liking.” He’s quick to change the subject and you let him.

“In all honesty, I like the cabin, I wish we could just live there.” You run your fingers through his curls as you think about it, gently pulling through any tangles.

“My cabin?” His voice is full of uncertainty as he pulls back a bit.

“It’s nice.” You feel a bit defensive, you consider the cabin to be the closest thing you have to a home. “Can you imagine getting to stay on Naboo? We could spend our mornings walking the market.” You rest your hand on the back of his neck now. “We could get jobs in the city, and then at night we’d come home.” 

“To the cabin?” He still sounds rather skeptical of your hypothetical future. 

“I’d cook dinner, you’d do the chores.”

“The cabin’s a bit small for us.” 

“We’d make it a bit bigger, add a few bedrooms, we don’t need that much space.” 

“A few?” He turns his head, his lips brush against your collar briefly as he kisses you there, freezing up when you speak again. 

“At least two, one for us and then some for any little Djarin’s who might need space.” With that he sits up entirely, his legs straddle your stomach.

“Little Djarin’s?”

“And Grogu, he would come live with us as well.” 

“You’d want him to live with us?”

“Of course, he’s a little Djarin.” Your hands rest on his thighs now as he seemingly ponders above you. He hums to himself in silence for a moment and you can’t help but grin at how seriously he’s taking all of this. 

“How many?” He finally speaks again and you laugh at the bluntness of his question. 

“Kids?”

“How many would you want?”

“You go first.” You haven’t ever talked about this sort of thing so you want to gauge his answer first so you don’t scare him too much with all the kids talk. 

“Maybe five? Or six.”

“Six?” Your voice pitches up immediately and you feel a rumble in his chest as he laughs. 

“Or five.”

“How about two, counting Grogu.” Turns out you didn’t need to worry about scaring him off. 

“How about three?” Three is manageable. 

“Counting Grogu?” 

“Counting Grogu.” He seems satisfied with that. 

“I suppose we could have three, you’re the one who has to build all the extra bedrooms.” 

“I don’t mind.”

“I’d work at the library and you’d work in a shipyard, we’d take turns staying home with the kids.” You pull him back to you, taking his hands and dragging him to lay his head on your chest once more.

“I’ve got enough savings, neither one of us has to work if you’d like.” It sends a twinge of pain to your heart how real this conversation has become, knowing that this exact dream isn’t possible. 

You could always make parts of it real.

Someday. 

“I’d want to work, to get out of the house, but you could stay home if you’d like.”

“When they’re still ik’aad, at least for the first few years I’d want to be with them.” He’s going to be a wonderful father. 

“Then I’d work, not long hours, just enough to get me out of the house, when I come home I’d give you a break, you could do the shopping and I’d watch the little’s.” 

“We’d go as a family, I wouldn’t want ‘a break.’” 

“You’d want to wrangle three kids in the markets?” You scoff in disbelief but he continues to sound completely serious. 

“They’d be well behaved.” You seriously doubt that. 

“What about either one of us makes you think our children will be well behaved? Is Grogu well behaved?” 

“We’ll manage.”

“They’ll be wild.” They will, not they would. 

“And smart.” He sits up again, hovering above you to give you a quick kiss. 

“And happy.” There isn’t a doubt in your mind that your children would be happy with Din as their father. 

“You’d really want to live here? I could build us a house anywhere.”

“I like Naboo, at least everything outside of the castle. I don’t even mind the castle, I just don’t care for the people inside it.” It’s true, somewhere along the way this place grew on you immensely. You love the city and the people in it. “And they’d get to play in the garden.” 

“I would build you a cabin anywhere you wanted, and I’d plant you a new garden.” He kisses along your cheeks and forehead as he speaks. 

“You wouldn’t need to plant me a garden if we lived here.” You insist. 

“We can’t live here, mesh’la.” He rubs a small circle with his thumb against your cheek. “This is too serious now, we’re supposed to be relaxed today.”

“When did we agree on that?” You muster up a weak laugh. 

“It was a silent mutual agreement.”

“I’m plenty relaxed.” You mumble. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, his stubble tickling you as you let out an airy giggle. 

“I’m actually very tense and I think we should take a break from all this talking and take care of that.” He mumbles against your shoulder.

“Oh?”

“Mhmm.” He emphasizes his point by pressing his erection against your hip, you hadn’t even realized that this is where he was going with that. 

“How long have you been waiting to jump me?”

“When we started talking about the five kids I was gonna put in you.” He continues to nip at your neck and shoulders as he speaks. 

“Skipping the agreed upon three and going straight to five already? You’re not even going to attempt to negotiate for four?” 

“So you’re open to four?” He pulls back and you can hear his smile. 

“Let’s start with one and go from there.”

“Right now?” His hips stutter down a bit against yours. 

“Maker, you’re insatiable.” You both burst into another fit of laughter. 

“What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“I could get pregnant, and considering the lack of sex I’ve had with my husband I’m sure that might raise a few eyebrows.” 

“It would never get to that point, when we’re in the clear with this whole Kodo mess I’m getting you out of here.”

“Like… actually leaving Naboo?” 

“Exactly like that. I’m gonna take you far away from here when this is over, gonna keep you all for myself.” His hands move down, giving your hips a squeeze. 

“I’m already yours.” You laughed, rolling over to be on top of him. He’s right, if you’re going to leave anyway then what’s the worst thing that could happen? 

You never talked about that night after that. 

When everything sorted itself out you realized how crazy your fear had made you. You couldn’t just leave. At least that’s what you’d told yourself, now you feel like an idiot for not holding him to his words. It wasn’t realistic, you both knew actually leaving would take so much more preparation than a few whispered ideas during a time where neither one of you was in any position to be making such promises. 

It was just talk.

Lysa came to get you from the dining room. 

After everyone left you had no motivation to move, you just stood there, frozen in time. After a few hours she found you, she had taken your hand and walked you back to your chambers. She held your hand, she kept you upright when you threatened to crumble. And when you felt a wave of nausea ripple through you she rushed you to the fresher, a hand on your back as you threw up all over again. 

You sat breathlessly on the tile, Lysa rubbing your back.

“Gods, I’ve been nauseous since the wedding. Even before everything fell apart.” It’s the first words you’ve spoken since they took Din, your stomach is still churning. “This has never happened before.” You groan, you’ve had many moments of upset throughout your life, but none that made you physically ill. Lysa looks almost painfully worried. 

“Ma’am… is there a chance you might be…” 

Kriff.

You never talked about that night after that. 

Maybe you should have. 

You both did a lot of things during those days. You had been so angry, and he had done everything in his power to ease that anger, to keep both of you as happy as someone could be in your situation. 

You shouldn’t have used that as an excuse to be reckless. 

“I’d like to go to bed.” 

“Of course.” She helps you to your feet, walking you back to your room, you turn to her one last time before you close the door. 

“I’m sorry. Elaine never should have gotten involved in all this.” You’d trade places with her in a heartbeat if you could. 

“It’s not your fault.” She truly seems to believe that. 

Except it is. Elaine never would have found herself in this situation if she hadn’t so often been helping the two of you keep your secret. 

“Goodnight, Lysa.” 

“Goodnight, princess.” 

You lay on the bed, unable to bring yourself to sleep in the closet. 

It’s cold. Colder than Hoth, as you stare at the ceiling in your far too big bed in your far too big room. Even bigger now that it’s just you. 

You let your hand roam down your torso to rest on your stomach.

Just you, hopefully. 

☆

You’re now having nightly dinners with Kodo. 

You don’t get any respite from him, you just want to stay in bed. You’re nauseous and tired and your head hasn’t stopped spinning since that night. A million thoughts a minute. 

Where is he?

Is he okay?

What the fuck can I do about it?

Mostly that. 

The worst part is your lack of a plan. If the roles were reversed Din would have already rescued you and you’d be living happily ever after. 

But that isn’t how your story is going. Instead you are alone, with no scheme on how to get to him. It’s only been three days but it’s driving you insane, you have never known such hopelessness, it’s maddening. To sit alone in your room all day, staring at the ceiling until Lysa comes to dress you for dinner. Neither one of you ever speaks, afterall, what would you say to each other?

“I’m sorry the love of your life had been sentenced to die?”

How morbid. 

Not that you’re above being morbid. 

You think about it often. How easy it would be to drive your dinner knife into Kodo’s throat. You’re seated beside him now at dinner, both of you at the head of the table, joined by the rest of his family. 

The thought of killing him is the only thing that brings you peace these days. You’ve never once in your life been violent until now. Din is good. He’s a good man. In every way he is the opposite of your husband yet Din is the one locked away, Maker knows where, while Kodo is being rewarded. 

It doesn’t make you mad, it makes you furious. 

It makes you want to poison his wine. 

But you don’t have poison. 

And you can’t put yourself in danger. Because you feel fundamentally different, and even if you refuse to think that such a thing is possible you know you wouldn’t just be putting yourself in danger. There’s more at stake now. 

That’s what you tell yourself to stay calm, a feat that is getting harder by the minute as you’re sat beside Kodo who is currently bragging about how he defeated a Mandalorian. 

“They aren’t as strong as you think they are. Under the armor they’re weak, pathetic.” 

It took six battle droids to keep him down. You didn’t even get near him. 

“Some people just need to be taught a lesson, don’t touch what isn’t yours.” He sneers and the rest of the table erupts into laughter. “I certainly taught that horned bitch a lesson as well, you all should have seen what they brought me last night.” 

You perk up, this is the only thing they’ve said in days that truly matters to you. You’ve heard nothing about the current state of either of them until now. 

“What did they do to Elaine?” Everyone’s head turns to you, all their expressions look as if you’ve announced something treasonous but Kodo smiles as if he were explaining something to a child. 

“She was properly punished, the way someone who observed such a crime with no intervention should be.” He puts his hand over yours when he says it. 

You don’t ask for any follow up. 

You don’t think you could stomach it, so you stay silent for the rest of your meal. When you’re finished you stand, the rest of the table is starting to pour more drinks but you simply lean down, mumbling something about being tired before giving Kodo a quick kiss on the cheek and dismissing yourself. 

You’re waiting for the night where he joins you in your chambers, after all his father is dead, but it has yet to happen. He had told you that once he was king he would be in need of heirs but he seems happy enough with his pleasure houses and you’re more than grateful for the women you entertain him so you don’t have to. 

So you return to your chambers alone, peeling off your gown before burying yourself under the covers. 

Sleep evades you as you toss and turn. You aren’t even tired, there’s too much going on in your mind, there’s no room for exhaustion. After about an hour you manage to drift in and out of unconsciousness, earning a brief reprieve from your anxieties until a sharp knocking has you jolting upright. 

You don your robe, rubbing sleep from your eyes as you rush to the door, you’re too tired to wonder who might even be bothering you at such an hour as you pull the door open. 

Lysa?

“We have to hurry, ma’am.” She grabs your arm, frantically tugging you into the hall. 

“Lysa? What are you doing? Are you okay?” 

“I am fine, but we don’t have much time.”

“Surely you have enough to tell me where we are going.” 

“Do you want to see him or not?” 

Din.

You nod, taking her hand as he rushes onward, stopping at each hall to peer around the corners until you make your way to a servants stairwell, skipping several steps in your descent until you run out of stairs. You’ve never been down here, you didn’t even know there were dungeons until recently. 

It makes your stomach twist in knots the moment you stare into the darkness. 

“Are there no guards?” You whisper, squeezing her hand.

“Not for the next hour, I’ve made sure of it.” She begins walking down the poorly lit corridor, pulling you along behind her. 

The stone floor is damp and it smells of mildew. Your bare feet are already freezing after just a few steps.

Every cell you pass is lit from the outside with a hanging lantern, they’re mostly empty, but you catch glimpses of movement out of the corner of your eye every now and then. In all honesty you’re doing your best to take in as little as possible, you don’t want to think about Din being down here in such a place, but there’s one element you can’t ignore. 

The wailing. 

Someone is weeping, a low, sorrowful song filling the vast maze of halls and you realize quickly you’re heading in its direction, Lysa tenses beside you as you continue on. You’re about to turn one more corner when she abruptly stops, turning to face you.

“He needs to eat.” She removes a fistful of rations from her apron pocket, shoving them into your hands. 

“He hasn’t?” He’s been down here for three days. 

“He won’t… let me.” You pause, cocking your head to the side and she gives you an apologetic look when she turns. “He won’t let me uncover his face.”

Oh. 

“I’ll feed him.” You nod slowly, tucking them into your own pockets before turning the corner. The contents of the cell immediately on your right have you stumbling backwards but Lysa is not swayed, pulling a key from her pocket, unlocking the door quickly before handing it to you. 

“He’s two cells down, on your right.” She doesn’t look at you as she rushes in, pulling a roll of bandages from her dress. “Shh… it’s okay, I’m here.” Her voice goes soft as she kneels beside Elaine. You can’t help it as you step into the entryway of the cell. 

Well, you’ve found the source of the wailing. 

She’s sat on a cot, curled in on herself as Lysa carefully peels back a series of soiled bandages from her face. 

“I’ve got you, it’s just me.” She continues to make an attempt to sooth a rather hysterical Elaine as she peels back the final layer of bandages and your stomach flips. “You’re okay, love, I need to change these.” You don’t know how Lysa is so calm, even in the darkness you can see the extent of her wounds. Now you know what they brought Kodo last night.  

Both eyes. 

“She was properly punished, the way someone who observed such a crime with no intervention should be.” 

Oh gods. 

You’re worried you may collapse as you watch Lysa tend to her with no hesitation, cleaning them with a careful hand before she begins to redress them. You can’t bear to watch any longer as Elaine begins sobbing once more. You try desperately to force the sight of your mutilated friend from your mind as you count down two more cells before quickly fumbling for the lock, letting it hit the floor as you take the lantern outside the door off its hook, bringing it into the dark room. 

It isn’t like Elaine’s cell. 

There’s no bed or interior light, it’s terribly dark and fetid, his cell running deeper than her’s. It takes a few steps for you to finally illuminate the room enough to see him. 

Maker. 

What have they done to your Din? 

You don’t hear Elaine anymore, there isn't a single thing that could distract you from the scene in front of you. There is nothing but the sight of your kar’ta. There’s too much for you to worry about, you don’t even know where to start, you’re frozen in place, a small part of your brain refuses to recognize the man before you as Din at all. He shouldn’t look like this. 

Armorless. 

They’ve stripped him of any clothing you recognize, the thought alone makes you nearly lose your dinner. 

They took his helmet, replacing it with a linen sack.  

Did they see his face?

You briefly have to shut your eyes, taking a deep breath as you take in the rest of him. His clothes are too thin, he must be freezing, they’ve dressed him in a cotton tunic and trousers that end just below the knee. You can see just how beaten and bruised he is. Unlike Elaine he’s in chains, kneeling on the floor with his hands shackled, taut above his head. You swallow the lump in your throat and finally crouch down in front of him, setting the lantern down beside you as you reach out to place a hand on his chest.

“Din…” Your voice cracks and the moment you come in contact with him he flinches back. Suddenly you know how Lysa held it together so well with Elaine, she just had to. You can’t fall apart, who would care for him now if you did? “It’s me, just me. Just me.” You whisper and place a hand over his heart but withdraw it quickly when he trembles under your touch. You ache at the sight of it but more than anything you’re confused, it only takes a moment for you to realize the issue. 

He doesn’t have his helmet. They’ve not only left him here blind, but deaf, of course any touch would frighten him. 

He assumes you're here to harm him. 

You lean in, careful not to come in contact with him as you speak clearly and loudly. 

“Din?” His trembling stops instantly. You find it a bit troublesome how much worse his hearing seems to have gotten in such a short time, you’re half tempted to reach under the bag to make sure he still has his ears. 

“Sarad?” Oh, Din. His voice is terribly small and it sends you forward, wrapping your arms around him as you pull him into an unreciprocated embrace. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” You make sure to speak loud enough for him before pulling back, placing your hands against the fabric covering his face. 

“Are you okay?” He coughs a bit as he asks and you almost laugh at how ridiculous the question is considering the state he’s in. Are you okay? 

Technically no. 

But far better than he’s doing. 

“I’m perfectly fine, what can I do for you? Are you hurting?” You feel his face through the bag as you look down across his body. It doesn’t look like there’s been any permanent damage outside of a pretty nasty cut on one of his legs. 

“Don’t worry about me.”

“Now’s not the time to play the hero, Din.” He flinches a little and you calm your tone immediately. What the hell did they do to him? “Just let me help.”

“How’d you get down here?” 

“Lysa, she says you aren’t eating.” 

“She’d have to lift my- the bag to do it.” He sounds apologetic, as if you could ever fault him for following his creed. 

“It’s okay… may I?” You bring your hands to the hem of the bag but his head turns sharply.

“I- I don’t want you to look.” 

You have no response. He’s always wanted you to look. 

“I just, I don’t think you wanna see the condition I’m in. I don’t want your only memories of my face to be this.” He whispers when you don’t respond.

You should have looked when he asked you to. You should have done a lot of things differently. 

You shouldn’t have waited so long to look. 

You shouldn't have waited so long to tell him you loved him. 

You should have just let yourself love him. Why did you fight it for so long? It seems silly now. If you could do it all again you would have just taken his helmet off the first night you met him and you would have married him right then and there. You would have left Naboo that night.

And you would never keep any of it from him. You would tell him how important he is and how loved he is, you wouldn’t make him wait. 

Even now you can’t help it though, censoring yourself out of fear. Do you tell him about how nauseous you get every morning? About the way Lysa stares at your belly when she does your makeup? 

No. 

It wouldn’t do either of you any good, not when he’s in this situation. 

You take hold of the edges of the bag once more, gentler this time. 

“I’ll close my eyes.” You lift the fabric completely off of him, setting it in your lap as you simultaneously shut your eyes. You keep one hand on his face, using your thumb to find the corner of his mouth as your other hand fumbles to open a ration bar. You feel him part his lips as you feed him. He’s barely chewing, eating quickly and swallowing most of it whole. “Have they fed you at all?” You whisper as he finishes the first bar in a matter of seconds, his teeth lightly scraping against your fingers before you withdraw them, tearing open another bar.

“No.” His voice is still soft as you go to feed him once more, opening each package until he’s eaten them all. 

“Are you still hungry? I could see if Lysa has more.” 

“I’m okay.” You let your head fall forward, resting your forehead on his. 

“What else can I do for you?” 

“Nothing. Being here is enough.” 

If you had felt helpless before it was nothing compared to this. This is more than helplessness, it’s despair. 

“I’m sorry.” You pull yourself further into his lap, wrapping your arms around him in the process. 

“Hey… none of this is your fault.” It certainly feels like it is. Why does he keep comforting you when he’s the one shivering and alone down here? 

“Please, there has to be something I can do to help you.” 

“There is one thing.” You almost open your eyes, you're so relieved, you just want to ease his pain. 

“Anything. I’ll do anything.” 

“I need you to promise me you won’t look.”

“Won’t look?” Your eyes are already closed, you couldn’t look any less if you tried. 

“When they do it. I don’t want you to see it- it won’t be pretty.”

When they separate his head from his body. 

“I won’t.” You can’t deny him this, you’ll give him anything he wants. “Do you know how much I love you?” You whisper before leaning forward another inch to kiss him. 

The question is genuine. It terrifies you to your core to think that he may not know just how much you love him. 

“Of course sarad.” He murmurs against your lips until you let your head rest on his shoulder, fighting back tears. 

What do you say now?

What do you say to a man condemned to death? 

“I love you.” You mumble into the thin fabric of his tunic. 

“I love you too.” After a moment more with him you hear metal jingling as Lysa locks Elaine's cell once more. You quickly pull back from him, pulling the bag back over his head, once you know he can’t see you anymore the tears flow freely. Lysa steps into the cell and you remove your robe, wrapping it around him, immediately he begins to protest. 

“Mesh’la, you can’t leave this here.” His voice is strained and it makes you sick to think he started crying once he was out of sight as well. 

“Please, y-you’re gonna freeze.”

“They’ll know you were here, sarad’ika.” 

“Din…” You’re practically babbling as Lysa removes your robe from his shoulders, an apologetic look on her face as she grabs your arm. 

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we need to go.” Tears sting your eyes as Lysa urges you to hurry but you don’t want to leave him, you want to stay, no matter the consequence. You pull away from her, wrapping your arms around his torso. 

“You need to go.” His voice is urgent through the fabric as you cling to him tighter. 

Would it be easier to just stay? Get caught and join him at the executioners? You’re genuinely considering it when you feel your stomach churn once more and you’re reminded of the exact reason why you can’t stay. Before you lose your nerve and shatter completely you lift the bag, just enough to give you an eyeful of his split lip and bruised jaw as you gently lean in and kiss him one more time. 

Doing everything in your power to remember exactly what it feels like.

The curve of his lips and the shape of his chin, the overgrown stubble brushing against your skin as you press your face harder against his, desperation taking over as you taste salt on his lips. You hold him as long as you can, until you hear Lysa urging you to make haste once more. 

“I love you.” You press your forehead to his through the fabric, feeling the familiar shape of his face against yours. 

“I’ll always be yours.” 

That was the last thing he was able to say before you let Lysa drag you out of the dungeons. 

☆

It’s like everythings suddenly back to the beginning. 

You wake up alone, you go to bed alone, and you wander the castle alone.

There is no plotting or scheming to free Din. 

Even if you were a trained killer or bounty hunter, it would be more than difficult to get him out of the dungeon and on a ship off Naboo. It would be even harder to do so when you’re one of the most recognizable people on the planet. 

He is buried deep beneath the ground and there is nothing you can do about it. 

After all, you're just a doll. 

You don’t know when it happened but all your clothes are blue again. Every dress Lysa fetches from the closet is a different shade of blue and all your nightgowns are the color of the sky. A personal brand put on you by Kodo. It’s clearly more than just a preference now, it’s a reminder to you and everyone else that you’re his. 

And time blends. 

You know a date was set right around the time you visited him. One week until Kodo’s coronation and two until the execution. His first public event after being crowned king will be a death sentence, how fitting. 

So you wake. 

And you sleep. 

And you walk. 

Kodo never replaces Din and you haven’t seen Leo since that night, so you’re completely alone. It’s like he’s rubbing in the fact that you’re powerless. There’s no need for you to have a guard, you can’t leave. If you tried you’d be escorted back in an instant. 

You tried to convince Lysa to let you see him again last night. 

“Please, just a few minutes-“

“I’m sorry ma’am, it’s just not possible. The only reason I was able to get you down there the first time was because the guard that usually lets me in was working nights, he won’t be working nights again until next month.”

Din won’t live to see next month. 

“Is he eating?”

“He won’t let me-“

“You need to insist. Tell him I insist, and tell him you’ll close your eyes.” 

She pins back a bit of your hair, leaving half up and half down. You both bask in the silence for a moment.

“I’ll make sure he eats.”

“Thank you.”

That had been the last conversation you had with Lysa. 

She doesn’t come to dress you in the morning. You think nothing of it and dress yourself in the gown she’d laid out last night. It’s a bit difficult, putting your coronation gown on on your own but eventually you manage, when you’re fully dressed in the obscenely decadent blue fabric you begin to worry. 

You have no reason to assume that everything is fine. It would actually make sense for this to be a worst case scenario situation, everything else in your life is right now. 

You’re about to leave in search of her but you decide against it. Sitting at the vanity and doing your makeup as quickly as possible, the last thing you need to do right now is give Kodo a reason to be upset with you, you have to be presentable. You smear the shimmering blue eyeshadow across your lids before rushing out of your room. 

The halls are full. Servants move quickly from room to room, cleaning every inch as you carefully push through the crowds, making a beeline towards the dining room. 

Kodo is seething when you push open the large doors. 

He stands at the end of the table, shoving an armored guard as the veins in his neck jut out in his rage. 

“Where could she have possibly gone? She’s blind. You’re telling me some blind bitch outsmarted my entire guard?” 

Your heart flutters at the thought.

They escaped.

Your hope is shattered the moment Kodo begins speaking again.

“At least we still have the Mandalorian… I want security tripled, guards stationed outside his cell at all times.” He continues grumbling for a moment until he realizes you’re there. “Happy coronation day dear wife! I’m afraid we’ve had a rough morning here, somehow in the night the Togruta girl escaped, do not fret, we’ll find her.” 

God's you hope not.

Even if things are worse than ever regarding Din there is one flicker of light in that darkness. Lysa got Elaine out. Knowing that almost puts you at ease.

“Happy coronation day.” You actually manage a smile when you look at your husband, it’s weak but it’s genuine. You want to be mad that they didn’t help Din escape but you just can’t be. You know they most likely tried but if the roles had been reversed and you could only get one of them out you wouldn’t hesitate. 

So there is no animosity. Just a flicker of happiness for them.

They got out.

☆

You were under the impression that a coronation was a happy event. Yet when you step out onto the castle steps it seems to be quite the opposite. 

They look miserable. 

All of their faces are sullen and dejected. How shocking, no one is excited about Kodo being crowned king. He didn’t have any of the outside of the castle decorated or made presentable in any way. No one reacts when Kodo reads from an ancient looking book until a crown is placed on his head. 

A moment afterwards you’re instructed to kneel and a tiara is placed onto your head. 

The audience is silent and you feel shame when you stare out at them.

Even if you don’t have very much power you still feel as if you’ve failed them. The feeling follows you when you’re directed to the dining hall with Kodo.

“I have a couple gifts for you, wife.” His twisted smile makes your stomach turn as you enter the dining hall, now decorated with blue and gray banners.  

“A gift? You shouldn’t have, my king, I- I didn’t get you anything.” You feign remorse as you take a sip of the wine in front of you on instinct before spitting it back up into the cup. 

“That’s more than okay, you’re my gift, sweet wife, all mine.” The thought of such a thing makes you sick, you smile despite yourself. 

“That’s very kind.” You’ll only ever be Din’s. No amount of blue fabric and faux smiles can change that. He snaps his fingers and a large box is brought to you by a servant, they set it directly in front of you on the table. You look at Kodo who nods, sitting back in his chair as you stand, the box is wrapped in checkered blue paper, a large bow adorning the top. Your hands tremble a bit as you take hold of the edges of the ribbon, tugging on them until the bow slips free, much to your surprise the entire box falls open, the sides collapsing giving you an immediate view of the contents. 

The silver, shimmering contents. 

Din’s helmet. 

Polished like new, it sits before you, and the room suddenly empties. It’s as if you are completely alone, despite all the eyes that are most definitely pinned on you right now. Your hands continue to shake as your fingers wrap around the beskar steel, like you would when you held Din’s face, lifting it to glare into the visor. 

Empty. 

You can’t help but stare at your own emptiness reflected back at you. 

You want to hold it close, press it to your forehead but you’re snapped back to reality by the grating sound of Kodo’s voice breaking you from your focus on the helm between your hands. 

“That’s only one of your presents, open the next one.” He hisses gleefully. 

You set the helmet down, realizing there was another, much smaller box underneath it. Silently you scoop it up and cradle it in your hands. It’s a larger than a ring box, it just barely fits in your palm as you ever so gently open it, swinging the top open as if it were a tiny treasure chest.              

Huh.

It takes a moment.

You aren’t exactly sure what it is you’re looking at at first but when it registers your entire body tenses up, your grip tightening on the gift box. 

Bloody and pink, a tongue. 

Of course you know better than to assume Kodo would give you any old tongue. This is a special someone’s tongue. 

No, no, no, no, no. 

You had loved his tongue before anything else.

He can’t do this, he cannot do this to you.

You had fallen for his sharp wit first, it was what drew you into him. His sweet words had won you back, his declaration of devotion.

Now you hold all of that in the palm of your hand. 

“What do we say?” His nasally voice breaks through your mental anguish. 

No.

“Come on, where are your manners?”

Please. 

“Thank you.” Your whisper is nearly silent as you struggle to keep down the scream bubbling in your throat.

“What was that?” 

You clear your throat. 

“Thank you.” 

He makes you take it with you. You don’t bother telling him you won’t be attending the coronation ball in a few minutes, it’s not like you’ll be missed. 

In one arm you’re cradling his helmet, in the other the little blue box. 

You set each one down carefully onto the bed, even if it’s a bit demented these are the only parts of him you have left. You stare at the little box. 

You have never been hateful. 

Kodo made you into this. You are full of hate, for most things at this point. You hate your husband, you hate your room, and most of all you hate the little blue box on the bed. 

And the music starts. 

It must be deafening in the hall for you to hear it from your room but it’s there, loud and demanding of your attention. 

You’re moving before you even have a chance to think about it, in a few quick strides you’re standing beside the vanity, your hands gripping the top of the mirror as you pull it down in one swift motion, the contents spill everywhere and the glass shatters in an instant, shards splattering the floor but you take no time to process it. 

You move on to the next thing.

You yank each drawer from the dresser, throwing them to the floor, clothes strewn about until it’s light enough for you to push the entire dresser over. In your frenzy you go about the room toppling every stupid fucking table over. So many fucking end tables in  one room, and you throw everyone to the floor, trinkets and vases clattering to the ground as you destroy the room. You get a rush of adrenaline as you lift one of your nightstands and throw it against the wall leaving a small dent but more importantly the force of it makes anything hanging on the wall tumble to the floor, glass frames shatter. 

Your chest heaves as you stare at the carnage.  

And it isn’t enough.

Your face is wet with tears and your hands with blood from cuts you didn’t feel upon your skin as you tear open the closet door, the pile of blankets mock you from the floor, you grab them, your vision now blurry with tears as you pull them out of the closet, throwing them onto your bedroom floor. When you return to the closet you’re in a frenzy, you tear at the fabric before you, yanking each and every dress off their hangers, ripping what you can.

There is nothing else for you to do, so you destroy everything you can get your hands on until the only thing left untouched is your bed, left in pristine condition as you let out a small sob. 

Maybe you are a hateful person now. 

You feel as though you have every right to be at this point. 

You step over the shard of glass, giving your bloody hands a glance before wiping them on your gown.

Happy coronation day. 

You sit on the bed, your trembling fingers wrap around the helmet, now that you’re alone you waste no time to hold it against you face, until your body just gives up, too tired to stay awake anymore.

☆

A guard wakes you in the morning, knocking on your door, when you answer it they tell you Kodo requires your presence in his chambers.

You dress in a blue gown that you don’t look too closely at. Stopping at the fresher on the way, rinsing the dried gore from your palms, wincing as you clean your wounds. None of which seem too deep. 

You want to cut Kodo’s tongue out, to make him feel it. But you know that sort of thing would be an impossible task. So you daydream about it as you walk. You’re more than displeased when you open the door and are greeted by Leodall. You hadn’t seen him since that night and from the looks of it he wasn’t expecting you. He swallows loudly when you step inside Kodo’s room.

Normally you’d be curious, you’d probably take a look around but your eyes refuse to focus on anything but Leo as you scowl at him. 

“Why’d you do it?” You don’t hesitate to ask, you have no idea how quickly Kodo will be joining you. 

He simply stares at you, shame apparent on his face.

“You owe me an explanation at the very least.” You cross your arms in front of your chest as he clears his throat. 

“I thought he’d reward me.”

You laugh. A harsh dry sound 

“What could he have possibly given you that you couldn’t have just asked me for?” Your gaze never softens and you’re practically seeing red as you stare at him.

“I thought he’d give me a lordship.” 

You can’t help it as another crisp and pained laugh slips past your lips. 

“You thought Kodo would raise your status? I thought you were supposed to be smart.” Is he an idiot? “He doesn’t see servants as people, if you wanted such a thing you could have asked me, maybe I could have done something.” 

A glimmer of something similar to hope flashes through his eyes. 

“Would you- would you consider doing so now?”

“You cannot be serious-” Your expression goes from fury to disbelief as you stand. 

“It seemed worth asking.” He puts his hands up defensively as you storm up to him, poking a finger into his face. 

“You slimy little weasel, it should be you on the chopping block, not him. If it were up to me I’d have them put your head on a spike.” The words pour out of you like venom. 

“I would be nicer to me if I were you.” He sneers and your incredulity only grows. You can’t help it, you scoff in his face. 

“I would rather die.” A part of you really means it. 

“You might if you aren’t careful, I saved your life by letting Elaine and your Mandalorian take the fall, I could have told the king that you were a willing participant. I saw the two of you together, I read your little rules. He never forced himself on you. I wonder what Kodo might think about that.” You aren’t a fighter, you’ve never so much as thrown a punch in your life but you grab him by the collar of his shirt and slam him into the wall, the back of his head hits the stone and you don’t feel an ounce of remorse as you do so. 

“Do it.” You tilt your head to the side, almost as if you’re taunting him. “Tell him.” Any of the confidence he briefly had is gone in an instant. “The moment you do I’ll tell him that you’re covering your tracks, and that you made a pass at me. I wonder how Kodo would reward you for trying to touch what’s his?” Leo’s head turns as you both hear Kodo’s piercing voice in the hall. You release your grip on his shirt, brushing off your gown as you turn towards the door. Kodo and three others make their way into the room as Leo coughs behind you. 

“Dear wife, I have another gift for you.” He takes a step to the side, gesturing at a line of three people you don’t give so much as a glance. He doesn’t even seem to notice the obvious tension in the room. “A new staff!”

“I don’t need a new staff, I’m fine on my own.” You abandon the pleasantries. You’re in such a state of upset right now, what's the point? 

“You’re the queen now, staff is required. These three will replace the ones you've lost in a week, until then Leodall will be training them intensively to tend to your every need. Two guards will also be assigned to you but I promise they will be much less loathsome than your Mandalorian.”

All five of them will be trained to keep an eye on you. To report back to Kodo, after everything with Din you should have known he’d keep you on a shorter leash. 

You barely look at them. 

You hate them. 

You shouldn’t, they’ve done nothing wrong, but you hate them. 

You give each one a quick up and down, naming them in your mind. 

A BD-3000 droid commands the most authority just based on how she stands so you mentally note her as Elaine's replacement. You’ll call her new Elaine. 

New Lysa is a pasty young blonde woman with rosy cheeks. You truly wonder how well informed she has been on your circumstance. She’s smiling from ear to ear and seemingly couldn’t be happier to be here. 

And new Leo is somehow even more nervous looking than actual Leo, practically shaking like a leaf at the sight of you. The bags under his eyes are worse than your own. A lanky thing with messy brown hair. 

There’s no reason for you to fight this, Kodo always gets his way so why bother. So you nod. You don’t pretend to be grateful this time, instead you shove your way past all of them, content to return to your room and never leave. 

☆

The morning of the execution comes before you’re ready for it. 

Of course you didn’t sleep last night, how could you?

You dress yourself, apparently your new staff isn’t starting until tomorrow, not that you mind another day to yourself. You manage to find something that isn’t blue, a gray dress trimmed with gold, the closest thing you’ll find to funeral attire. No one else will dress with any respect for him but they can’t stop you. Your vanity is destroyed so you don’t bother with your hair or your makeup, you simply don’t care enough. 

For the most part you feel nothing when you open the door, only emptiness until you look down. 

Someone left you a small vase of flowers. 

You pick them up, taking a closer look but your heart skips a beat when you do so.

Daisies. 

After a few short breaths you throw the vase into the wall across from your door, tiny shards of porcelain fly everywhere as two servants at the end of the hall give you a look of horror. Your shoes crunch over the remains of it as you make your way down the hall and to the entryway of the castle. 

Kodo insists that the two of you get to see him first. 

You’re sweating wildly out on the steps as you wait.

Long before you’re ready for it they bring him out. 

A shivering skeleton of a man with a linen bag over his head, immediately bile rises in your throat. Kodo is grinning ear to ear when his legs are kicked out from under him and he’s forced to kneel.

Kodo himself reaches forward and tears the bag off, too excited for any decorum or finesse. 

You gasp as you stare down at the broken man before you.

In all honesty he isn’t at all what you envisioned. 

His eyes verge on being hazel; they're such a light brown. You’d always pictured them to be nearly black. It doesn’t matter what color they are though, when you see the tears forming in his lash line you flinch, clutching the ring on your necklace to silently let him know silently just how much he means to you. 

He’s a mess. 

You don’t like looking at what those weeks in the dungeons did to him and the last thing you need to do right now is empty your stomach on the palace steps. 

He’s too thin. Far, far, too thin, it’s like his entire being has shrunk down. He’s hollow.

Your breath hitches when Kodo grabs a fistful of his dark hair, forcing him to turn and stare at the crowd. They must have cut it while he was down there it’s a mess, jagged edges and shorter than you’re used to. 

“This man has committed an act of treason against the crown.” His voice is loud and booming as the city goes quiet. “For such a crime he shall face the proper punishment.” He yanks him downawards, you watch in horror as Din’s head hits the stone, an incoherent mess of sounds pour from his bloody mouth and you have to look away. 

He didn’t want you to look.

You remind yourself to try and calm your breathing. You can hear the scuffle as they drag him to the guillotine, placing his neck into the wooden divot, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest as you turn to look. His eyes are everywhere but on you as he looks at the people around him, desperately pleading for his life. Not a single person so much as glances at him, afterall, it’s just nonsense, no one can understand him without a tongue. 

You can’t stand it, you almost cover your ears but you manage to resist as Kodo puts an arm around your waist, pulling you close to him. 

“You’re welcome, sweet wife.” He whispers, his breath hot and wet against your ear. 

Fuck it. 

You don’t suppress the shudder in your spine as you shoot him a look of disgust. In a matter of moments everything you care about will be gone, why pretend any longer.

A bellowing chime plays from a nearby clock tower and you know it’s time, you straighten up as you stare at the guillotine in abject horror. 

This is it. 

Your chest rises and falls in sharp short bursts as everyone prepares themselves, a hush forming among the crowd on the street. 

And it begins, a chain reaction that you cannot stop now that the executioner has his ax raised above his head.

You had expected more. More time.

A part of you thought that time would slow, that you’d have a chance to stop it. 

But no. 

There is no epic fairy tale moment where the sun glimmers off of the blade and the executioner raises his ax, giving you this perfect moment to run to him, to shield him from the inevitable, to beg them to take you with him. 

That moment never comes. 

You barely have enough time to close your eyes like you promised him. In one unbroken motion the rope is cut, the blade falls and boom. 

Just like that, he’s gone. 

When you hear the metal slicing through the air you squeeze your eyes shut, hearing only the wet crunch as it cuts through flesh and bone. A soft, squishy thud when his head hits the stone. 

In fashion with your decision to no longer hide your disgust from Kodo you vomit. Bending down you puke onto the stones, spraying your own, and Kodo’s feet. The triumphant smile on his face vanishes as he realizes what’s happened. You wipe your mouth on the back of your hand, refusing to look at Din’s limp body as you give Kodo one last look of detestation before turning around and running back into the castle, not caring what anyone thinks anymore.

The moment you’re inside the reality of it all settles in as you feel tears falling wildly as you run up the steps to your room.

☆

You have been good, and kind, and in return the maker rewarded you by killing the love of your life. 

So when you stand in the center of your demolished room you do the only thing your body can do at this point. 

You scream. 

From deep within your stomach, you scream, loud and raw. 

If anything was left unbroken in your room you’d be throwing it at the wall. But there’s nothing so you scream. 

You shriek.

You howl. 

And you wail.

You scream until there is no more noise. Your voice, like the rest of you, gives up. 

You aren’t sure how late it is when you finally stop. You’re tired and it’s dark outside and your throat is raw. 

And you lay on the floor. Because the bed is too big, and too cold, and the closet is so empty. So the only place left to sleep is there. You lay on the floor with no more tears to cry and no more sounds to scream as you stare at your bed, only from this angle can you see a rectangular shape under your bed frame. 

You wipe your nose with a stray piece of fabric before slowly crawling over to it, you sit on the floor and when you retrieve the item a brand new lump forms in your throat as you stare down at the box Din had bought all those days ago at the market. 

Your failsafe. 

With quivering hands you open it, staring into the small space containing a mess of items but what catches your eye is a piece of folded paper with your name on it. You take it between your fingers, opening it, careful to not let your tears fall onto it. 

Sarad’ika,

If you’re reading this then I’m afraid things aren’t going all that well for me. There are plenty of possible reasons as to why I’m no longer with you, but what’s important is that I plan on doing everything in my power to get back to you. There is only one thing in the galaxy that could keep me from your side, and if that is my fate then this box will ensure you’re taken care of. 

The most important thing is for you to get off this planet. I have included a few possible plans for you, do what you have to to survive. Elaine will help you escape. 

You can seek out Greef Karga on Nevarro. Tell him Din Djarin sent you, tell him what’s happened and he will see to it that you are cared for. Explain our circumstances and I am certain he will provide you with safe lodging. 

Tatooine is also an option. You’ll find a Mandalorian there by the name of Boba Fett, he will not turn you away. You will be protected there, if you need to relocate for some reason after that he will help you locate the Mandalorian convert. Show the Mandalorians your ring and you will be cared for the rest of your life, the convert will protect you. 

As an absolute last resort there is a planet located in the Outer Ring called Ossus. There is a school there, taught by a man named Luke Skywalker. I doubt he would be eager to take you in but you must insist. Bring the chainmail, they’ll know who sent you. Take care of each other. 

In this box you will find enough credits to get you off planet and take care of you for several months, a year if you’re frugal, I suggest you take a few jewelry pieces to pawn off for extra credits as well. You will find a small chainmail shirt, and a necklace of mine. 

And lastly you will find your vibroblade. 

Protect yourself. You’re strong, and more than capable of doing so.

I have one request for you, please, I will only ask this one thing of you. 

Be smart. 

You are the smartest and kindest person I have ever had the honor of knowing. Be smart, take care of yourself. If the roles were reversed I know that I would go to extremes to either get you back, or find justice for you. And all I can do is ask that you do not attempt any such thing, the only thing I would ever want for you is safety and happiness. 

So seek those things out. 

Be safe. Be happy.   

I was lucky to know you, and even luckier to be yours. 

an ner kar'taylir darasuum, 

Din

All my love. 

You flip the paper over, desperate for more, more Din, but all you find is scrawled coordinates to each location. Your fingers sift through the items, everything he promised is found inside but you latch onto the blade. Laying back down on the floor you clutch it between your fingers as you think of Din.

Din, who was yours.

Din, who they took from you.

Who Kodo, took from you. 

And your grip on the knife tightens. 

☆

Two guards stand outside your door round the clock now. 

They never follow you or come into your room but they’re there, silently watching as you direct all your anger at your new staff. As promised Leo trained them to be as persistent and infuriating as he was. 

When the two new girls come to fetch you in the morning you can’t help it when you scream at them to leave you alone and to stop trying to clean the ever growing mess of things. 

It doesn’t matter that it isn’t their fault, you can’t stand the sight of anyone. 

All three of them try. New Elaine and Lysa show up three times a day, trying to dress you and squeeze their way past you into the room but after enough shrieking they always leave you be. 

New Leo usually tries once or twice a day, you don’t even look at him. You always stare at the floor, when he tries to speak you give him the same treatment as the girls, screaming at him and slamming the door. 

Why should you let them in? You know what they are. They’re here to spy on you, to be Kodo’s eyes while he’s busy being king. They’re easy to evade. When you leave to fetch yourself food or a book from the library you easily outrun them. The two girls are worse at navigating the castle than you were when you first arrived and new Leo has a bad leg, sometimes he’ll make attempts to limp after you but they’re always unsuccessful. 

You think of nothing, day after day because there is nothing to think about. 

Except for the fact that Kodo took your future away from you. He took everything from you. 

If you thought time was blending before Din’s death nothing could have prepared you for now. You don’t track the days as well, you keep your curtains drawn and only leave when you get hungry or start to think of Din. The last thing you need to do is have another screaming fit so you keep him locked away in your heart, an ache that’s always there that you don’t address. 

One day, in a fit of tears you took your knife and decided on a whim to kill Kodo. You didn’t care about the repercussions at that point you just wanted him to suffer but the moment you opened the door you nearly tripped, stumbling backwards the guards didn’t so much as glance at you. 

Another vase of flowers.

You’re tempted to just kick them down the hall but you can’t help yourself when you lean down to pick them up. 

A bouquet of blue lilies. Your nose twitches at the sight of them, out of the corner of your eye you see new Lysa and new Elaine approaching so you take the opportunity to slam the little glass vase into the stone floor. Glaring at them when you do before returning to your room. 

☆

Maybe it’s been three days since Din died. 

Maybe it’s been three months. 

You aren’t sure.

You aren’t sure when you made plans to kill Kodo either but suddenly you have them. A fool proof way to get him alone. 

And suddenly you’re dressed for the first time in, well, however long it’s been. In a baby blue nightie with a robe you march out into the hall. The guards watch in silence as you walk away, your bare feet scampering down the stairs until you find yourself watching the main entrance. Waiting for your loving husband to make his nightly trip to a pleasure house, a trip that is typically accompanied by guards. 

You grip the handle of the knife in your pocket as you wait until you finally hear footsteps approaching. 

“Kodo, honey?” You step out from behind the stone column, holding your robe closed as you bat your eyelashes at him. He stumbles around drunkenly until his eyes focus on you. 

You’ve only used your voice for screaming for so long you sound meek, exactly as you want to right now. 

“Wife?”

“I thought maybe you’d like to join me tonight…” You hold a hand out towards him, putting on a sickly sweet tone of innocence. His mouth twists into a grin. 

“I knew you’d come around eventually.”

He doesn’t question where you’re taking him, he simply follows.

What a joke. 

You pull him up the stairs, you know from hide and seek where to find an empty room so you guide him there in calculated silence until he trips a bit, laughing to himself as he stutters.

“I knew if I got rid of the Mandalorian you’d realize how much better I am than him.” The statement doesn’t sit right with you and he can see it on your face, even in his drunken state he can sense your confusion. 

You both stop, you’re above him on the stairs as you turn and stare into his eyes.

“You- you knew?”

He simply nods, that sickening smile of his is plastered on his face. His icy blue eyes shimmer with delight. 

“How long?”

“When Leo told me I remembered everything. That little altercation in the hall when your boy knocked me out came right back to me, from there it wasn’t hard to figure out.” Your eye twitches as he speaks.

He knew you loved him and he took him from you anyway.

Any hesitations you had are gone as you nod, pulling him onward until you reach the large vacant tower room. He’s so drunk you decide to just drop the voice, pointing at a spot on the floor. 

“Lay down.” You mumble, reaching into your pocket once more.

He eagerly does as he’s told, laying down on the cold stone, you take a deep breath, in one swift motion you grab your knife, holding it behind your back as you toss your robe aside. He gives you a toothy grin as you ever so slowly walk to him, standing above him before sitting, straddling his waist. 

You look him up and down, one last time. 

Your loving husband. 

One of his hands plays with the blue lace of your nightie as you collect yourself. You look up at the ceiling briefly. 

I’m sorry. 

Not for Kodo, but for Din. This is exactly what he didn’t want you to do. 

You aren’t a killer. And you aren’t hateful, but a person can only be pushed so far before something breaks. 

Be smart. 

You think of Din’s note one last time before you bring the blade out in front of you and slam the blade into Kodo’s chest. 

He makes a sickly wet sound, coughing as he stares at you in shock.

You remove the knife, the hot steel cauterizes his wounds, there isn’t so much as a drop of blood as your face twists with fury and you bring it down again into his stomach now. 

How dare he look surprised by any of this. 

After what he took from you? He deserves galaxies worse. 

So you remove the knife. 

And you stab him again.

And again,

and again,

and again,

and again,

and again.

Until there is no more shocked look on his face. You don’t have a snarky remark or a statement to commemorate your revenge, you’re all used up at this point, all you have is this, this stabbing motion. 

He didn’t even have a chance to fight back.

You crawl off of his body, sitting on the stones as you toss the knife to the side, waiting for a rush of euphoria. 

But it never comes. 

It doesn’t feel as good as you thought it would. 

Staring down at Kodo’s lifeless body. You let yourself crumble. Collapsing down onto the floor, gasping for air as you sob. 

This was never going to bring him back. 

You lay there on your hands and knees for quite some time, just wailing, because what else are you supposed to do right now? You realize far too late that this was never an act of malice, some demented and shattered part of you thought that this would somehow bring him back, that it would give you peace. 

They won’t execute you. 

You planned this exactly so they wouldn’t.

Kodo didn’t tell anyone about your relationship with Din in much detail, not enough for them to assume that you could be with child. Everyone will assume that it’s Kodo’s. They won’t kill you, they can’t. 

Not if they think you’re carrying Kodo’s child. Now that Kodo’s dead, there’s no one to tell the royal family that you never consummated your marriage, your child is the most well protected person on the planet. The future monarch. It’s almost funny, you haven’t permitted yourself to think about the stirring within you as a child until just now, in this moment of weakness. A child, your child. 

Who will most likely grow up without a mother because of the decisions you've made today.

You bite your fist, swallowing a scream as you sit back on your heels.��

Your child will never know how loved they were. Your little one will never get to sit beside their mother while their father teaches them to sew. You put your head in your hands as you wail, no longer caring who hears. Your fate is sealed, what does it matter? 

You don’t turn when you hear someone coming up the stairs. When they pull you into their arms you try uselessly to shove them away. Your vision is blurry and filled with tears as you stare up at the unfamiliar figure now holding you. They rub your back, drawing swirls and stars against your spine as they pull you closer. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” They mumble into your hair. You dry your eyes hastily on your sleeve, confused by the voice you’re hearing, it’s painfully familiar, on instinct you wrap your arms around their torso, pulling yourself into their lap as you both sit on the floor beside Kodo’s body. “You’re okay, I’m here.”

“I’m- I’m sorry.” You whisper against the stranger's shirt. You knew you weren’t hateful. You’re certain of it now because even though he took quite literally everything from you, you still feel bad when you look at Kodo. 

A large hand cups your face, pulling you back to their chest so you can’t see the corpse anymore. 

“I didn’t mean it- I- I didn’t mean to kill him. Well I did but I just-” You begin to ramble as a fresh flood of tears begin sliding down your cheeks. 

“Hey- hey it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it. We gotta get you cleaned up, okay? I’ll take care of this, I’ll fix it.” Their arms tighten around you, giving you a reassuring squeeze. You finally find the courage to look at your companion and it takes a moment for you to even realize who you’re looking at. 

New Leo. 

Why would he help you? You treat him like shit. When you look at him he looks like he’s about to cry and for the first time since Din was taken from you drop the walls you’ve put up and you let yourself feel bad for him. You show an ounce of kindness to him because in all honesty he’s the first person to make you feel safe since the night Din was taken from you. 

A lighthouse while you sail through a storm.

So you hug him. 

You pull yourself closer to him and you offer him a comfort you haven’t known for days.

“I’m sorry… for all of it, but especially the flowers, I should have told you, I just- you wouldn’t let me and the guards wouldn’t let me in without your permission and you just wouldn’t look at me.” He begins to mumble his own apologies, sending a surge of confusion through you. 

You furrow your brows, pulling back once more giving him a perplexed look as you search his nearly black eyes for some kind of answer. 

And it clicks. 

All at once it snaps into place and you want to say his name, so desperately, but you’re terribly afraid of being wrong. 

And then he smiles. A soft smile that makes you feel okay and you don’t even care if you’re wrong and you don’t care if it doesn’t make sense you just have to ask.

“Din?”

☆

a/n : yeah so uhhhhh yeah uhhhh this is the first chapter i've ever written where im actually very fond of the writing and nervous about the plot stuff so im gonna go hide?? and just vanish for a while lol

//

I don't have a tag list anymore !! follow @lincolndjarinnotifs for updates!!

[eoieopda]

Jadie, are you taking Stray Kids Requests now?! Omg. OMG. Can we please have reader and Chan being super soft after a fight? I feel like he’s kind of intimidating (not on purpose) when he’s annoyed but then so sweet to make up for it 😍

the one where chan didn’t mean to yell

pairing: bang chan x reader type: drabble (angst, h/c) au: established relationship wc: 612 cw: argument (obviously) implied but not depicted; no gendered language used for reader. a/n: aaaah my first foray into skz writing 🤪 sorry to this man for being introduced mid-fight lmao.

Fuck.

Bang Chan knew it the second he raised his voice that he shouldn’t have. He never did — ever — and the reason for that was buried in the bewildered look in your eyes. Even more jarring than his sudden outburst was the speed at which your surprise began to drown in half-formed tears.

Your rapid blinking had barely kept the tide at bay.

Chan’s friends had told him before that he often looked angrier than he felt. Knowing this, he did his best to manage the optics; to keep you from interpreting his frustration as something more intense. He’d been successful at it for years — until he wasn’t.

There may have, at one point, been a reason for his becoming upset — but he’d already forgotten what that was. Whatever it might have been, it sure as shit wasn’t worth the way you’d looked at him.

Just as soon as he started, he’d cut himself off mid-sentence and reached out for you like he always did. This time, you didn’t reach back. Instead, you’d recoiled like his arm was a snake primed to bite. When you promptly turned and walked away, you’d left him standing alone with his outstretched hand still in the air.

Fuck.

Chan had spent the subsequent twenty minutes pacing with the excess of his sweatshirt sleeves balled up in his fists.

His gut instinct had been to follow you out of his office, to not let you walk away angry — he fought it. You were more than entitled to space after being spoken to in that tone. So, that’s what he gave you — until he couldn’t stop himself from trying to make it right.

When Chan entered the bedroom, you were sitting cross-legged on your side of the bed with your back to the door. You didn’t acknowledge his presence when he crossed over to you, or when he slipped into the space behind you on the mattress. Radio silence, save for your barely-audible sniffling.

Shit.

“Baby,” Chan called out to you softly.

No response.

Shit.

He scooted closer, slowly, as if he’d spook you otherwise. You didn’t move away — a good sign — so he reached out and let his thumb graze gently over the exposed skin of your forearm. There was the tiniest shift in your posture; a microscopic slump of your shoulders. An ounce of tension dissipated.

Progress.

Chan repeated himself, “Baby?”

Then he punctuated his plea by placing a soft, experimental kiss on your shoulder. You sniffled, relaxed the tiniest bit more.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to shout at you, but I did and you didn’t deserve it.”

You let out a quiet, shaky exhale as if you were about to speak, but you said nothing. You did, however, accept his arms as they wrapped around you. Even better, you leaned back into his chest as he guided you into the space between his legs.

Chan kissed the top of your head and hoped you felt how much he loved you. In the event that you didn’t, he said as much, holding you even tighter: “You are my favorite part of every day. I’m sorry that I’ve done such a shit job of expressing that. I love you, completely.”

You remained quiet for a few moments. In that time, your closeness was enough for him; you didn’t owe him one goddamn thing. But you breathed in deep enough for him to feel it too, and then you said it:

“I love you completely, too… dingus.”

Stunned silence immediately gave way to breathless laughter. And when his mirth got too heavy to shoulder, you joined him in crashing sideways and smiling into the pillows.

[anashins]

Could we get a ocxJaehyun where he’s kinda insecure cos oc doesn’t show she’s jealous (just not a situation where he tries to make her jealous on purpose pls🥺) and when he confronts her about it she’s like “you have no idea how jealous I am, I mean look at yourself 😭😭😭” so the rest of the story may be smth fluffy like healthy communication or just smut lmao.

Pls <3

Pairing: Jaehyun x You

Genre: light angst, fluff, romance, a bit suggestive in the end

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary: After posting a picture of you and your male best friend, your boyfriend turns very jealous. After all, you're always so casual about his life, so he assumes the reason behind is that you don't find him attractive and wait for someone better to come around. If only he knew.

A/N: Thank you for requesting! I went through this 2 days ago with my bf, this hit very close to home haha

“Having dinner with my best friend in the whole wide world!”

Jaehyun read the caption on your Instagram story post over and over again while his stomach dropped in the process.

The fact that the photo you had posted did not only show food, but a guy having his arm around your shoulder while you were leaning close to him put him into a rage. And his members were his target. 

Jaehyun tossed his phone back into his bag and returned to the others who were currently learning a new choreography. By the change of his facial expression alone, Taeyong could tell that his mood had entirely shifted within an instant - something that unfortunately happened too many times lately.

“What’s wrong?”

he asked with his serious leader-voice, having predicted the outcome of this situation already and wanting to prevent it at all cost. There was no way Jaehyun would disturb the entire dance practice with his jealous mood again.

“Nothing.”

How he stood there though, with the corners of his lips facing downwards, eyes dark and arms folded across his chest, now everyone was alarmed and the leader had to look over their friendship for once and put Jaehyun in his place. Again.

“If it’s nothing, then act like it. We have a concert coming up,” Taeyong addressed him. “Otherwise I will have to send you away.”

Jaehyun just grumbled something, but remained silent. His friends rather had him silent than taking it out on everyone though, which was why nobody talked to him for the remaining hours again.

When practice was over, Taeyong walked up to him and took him aside.

“I’m telling you this not only as your leader anymore, but as your friend too, okay? Talk it out with her. Either that or you won’t be allowed on your phone during practice, Jaehyun. I’m serious. Everytime something like this happens, your mood is eating you up and everyone feels it. You can’t concentrate, you can’t memorize the moves, you cannot work with the others. This has to end.”

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun dropped his head along with his shoulders, and Taeyong felt guilty, but he had to do what he was supposed to do. 

He patted his friend’s back. “It’ll be fine.” And with a grin, he added, “I mean, look at you. You’re Jeong Jaehyun. You don’t have any rivals.”

-

“Hey, how was your day?” you asked Jaehyun after entering his apartment.

You were in a relatively good mood as you had had a great day with your best friend who was visiting the country for a month, and since he was living abroad the majority of the time, you tried spending so much with each other as possible.

The possibility of it irking Jaehyun had only crossed your mind when he started commenting on the photos you posted kind of snarky like “Oh, you’re out together again today?”, but since he hadn’t said anything directly, you had just brushed this feeling off.

Today though, he didn’t look good at all, it was written all over his face, no matter how hard he tried to conceal it with a fake smile that he usually reserved for cringy fancalls. 

“Are you okay?” you asked when you followed him into the living room. “You can tell me, you know?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just…” He took a deep breather. “I haven’t heard from you all day.” 

“I’m sorry, I was busy. You know I’m rarely on my phone when I'm with people. I don’t want them to feel like I prioritize anything else over my time with them.”

He shrugged. “But there is always enough time to post on your Instagram story.”

Jaehyun could have bitten into his own tongue as he was usually very composed, but before he could redeem himself, you had already put the puzzle pieces together. 

He was jealous.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I’m just-’”

You got on your tiptoes and cupped his face. “Jaehyun… please tell me exactly what’s wrong. You know there is nothing to worry about since he has a girlfriend too and that’s just how we are together. I always told you that.” 

He averted his eyes, but you remained yours. “You’re always so casual and excited about everything. You like all my posts, my stories, comment encouragingly and supportingly on them, no matter when and no matter with who. Even if I don’t find time to reply to you, even if something holds me back from returning you the same energy. Am I the only one who cares?”

“Care about what?”

“That someone might take you away from me.”

“Jaehyun…” You tilted your head. “Why would you think that?”

“Because you never reacted the same way as I. No matter where I am, what I do or what kind of videos and pictures pop up online. You never seem to be bothered, and yet here I am, not being able to return this feeling, because even when a guy looks at you, I want to get you out of his eyesight. Does it mean I’m just not that attractive in your eyes, so you’re not worried at all? I genuinely want to know.”

Your mouth stood open over the fact that your boyfriend, possibly almost every girl in your age range’s ideal type, was assuming you didn’t find him handsome. His perfect face, that graced screens, placards, phones and everyone could stare at whenever and how often they wanted. He thought he wasn’t attractive, because you didn’t show jealousy.

Of course you were jealous as hell.

You brushed with your thumbs over his cheeks, trying to ease him. “Every day, so many people get to see this handsome face and experience your kind character. Just look at yourself. Of course I’m jealous too. Sometimes, especially when you’re touring, they see you more often than I, and I get to backtrack everything online, what you’re doing and saying, after them, after strangers. And the things they write… I don’t want to see, but I cannot close my eyes. At times, the pain gets so unbearable that I have to log off and trust that you eventually call me and tell me about everything.”

Jaehyun frowned and his former dark mien shifted into a frown. “I didn’t know all that.”

“Of course you wouldn’t know, because would that benefit me in any way? No. I trust you and only you. Everyone else doesn’t matter. I don’t have any influence, so I try to distance myself from it. So, I’m sorry if you ever feel like I don’t find you attractive enough, because I don’t show it in that kind of way. It’s just… I will always get painfully reminded that so many other people feel that way too. And every single one of them would take you away from me in an instant if they ever get the opportunity.”

"Nobody will.”

“I know.”

Something inside Jaehyun cracked when he saw you being so honest and also so confident about it. So, you were feeling the same about the other, you just had different ways to express and cope with it. 

Jaehyun took your hand into his and kissed your palm. “I’m sorry for being so insecure sometimes and not having more faith. We love each other, we want to be with each other, I shouldn’t make you feel down with my problem. I should be more like you. It’s the healthier way. Please show me how.”

“Baby steps,” you told him and took his hand into yours. “But first, let me prove to you how attractive I find you.”

“Maybe it will take you more than one time to convince me.”

“That’s fine.”

[eunoiaastralwings]

Fragments of Blue

featuring Bucky x reader

fandom mcu- pre catcw

a/n based on my idea here - here part one (can be read alone too - I think LMAO).

warnings running away ? - idk if there was anything else tell me otherwise

You were simply lying on the on the couch bored when he came in again – with presuming a packet of bread in his hands.

You momentarily looked over the man that was once the deadly assassin – the one who had been assigned to bring you back to your father and his Hydra, every time you tried to escape or occasionally protect you.

He was always so anxious and nervous now – now you saw the real man being the Winter Soldier, trapped underneath Hydra’s torture who was finally free.

But the world didn’t see it like that however – the world still saw him as a murder and a true weapon of evil and you could almost see he saw himself like that too now.

Like he was signing the picture the outside world painted him as.

You always wondered why he came back for you – you were Alexander Pierce’s daughter after all. You were once even called as Hydra’s daughter by your father’s men.

But unlike your father you didn't want to be part of Hydra – but you were forced to know Hydra, including the Winter Soldier.

Little did you know, the blue-eyed man before you remembered as the Winter Soldier, he told to watch over you and made sure you didn't escape from Hydra like you tried countless times.

It was like you were something constant – something different than the usual assassinations he was tasked with.

You father was dead – yet you weren’t sure how to feel about that, he was your only family after all – though he did put Hydra above you.

Once the man was freed from the mind control and for whatever reason he had broken into your father’s house helped her escape and went on the run together.

You had known the moment he stepped in – he wasn’t Blue anymore.

He was the man behind those blue eyes again – still he seemed to be refusing to tell you his real name.

“So. . . you going to tell me your real name or do I keep calling you, Blue?” She asked – as he places the packet of bread on the small table in tiny rundown apartment you were sharing.

You had hated always calling him Soldat or the Winter Soldier, like your father and Hydra did - so you always stuck with calling him Blue, because of his blue eyes. He didn’t remember his own name - and no one would tell him or you either. . .and you wanted to make him feel just a little human. . .

He looked up giving you a once over – as if still debating inside him whether to trust you or not.

To be honest the only reason you were was because of him anyways.

You were almost certain he was going to brush you off again.

But then you heard a small mutter.

“Bucky. . .”

************************************************************************

You disguised yourself the best you could, wearing one of Bucky’s baseball caps – as you looked around the market stalls, trying to follow him.

You were always annoying him – that’s for sure. He had specifically instructed you to stay at the apartment but you clearly hadn't.

“Y/N you shouldn't be here. You’re not supposed to be out without my permission.”

He sounds annoyed.

“I deserve to at least see the sun, Bucky!”

You scowled at his behavior.

“I get it. . . But we can't let anyone find the either of us!”

He sighs.

“The only reason you’re not in the base is because it's me babysitting you.”

He mutters.

“You’re not babysi-“

You tripped over something because of your vintage heeled boots as you tried to follow – needing to hold onto Bucky in case you fell face flat on the ground.

You sighed – knowing he was gonna be mad.

“I told you not to wear those heels!”

He glared – now mad with you.

“Oh, I’m sorry – I didn’t exactly get to stop by at home to grab shoes before going on the run!”

You answered sarcastically.

“Don’t talk back to me. I’m only looking out for you. You really need to take more precautions!”

He warned.

You knew he was mad.

“I cannot go bare feet!”

You still stubbornly scowled –  knowing what he was picking at how you failed to escape multiple times during their time in Hydra and how he as the Winter Soldier always dragged her back kicking and screaming.

“Well, at the light’s still there, princess!

He grumbles and grabs you by the wrist. He pulls her along with a grumpy looking glare.

“We don’t have time for this. I have to keep you safe!”

He mutters, that was something he always said – but Bucky himself didn’t know why he was keeping you safe.

He didn’t know he came running to you – when he was freed from the mind control.

But here you were now.

You simply rolled your eyes and followed him to a farmers’ market.

He glances over at you.

“Why can’t you just listen to me for a change!”

Bucky sounded exhausted and anxious – he walks fast with you still holding your hand and you were trying to keep up with his pace.

Once again – stubborn as ever you didn't answer. The farmers’ market was large, with lots of stands and stalls, some selling fruit, spices/herbs, meat, or vegetables, others selling handmade crafts.

You easily got distracted with handmade crafts and toys.

Bucky looked – noticing how you got easily distracted, he just sighs an tries to not get annoyed.

He notices as your eyes were filled wonder, even glancing at your hair too.

You seem to have a soft, sweet face with the eyes of an angel.

“Why cant you just stay focused for once Y/N. . .”

He said – being a hypocrite as he found himself, getting distracted by you.

Before his eyes dart around nervously as they search for any threats. He seems on edge – always looking around as he looks for Hydra members or even agents.

He then went over to the fruit vendors – still keeping a close eye on you while spoke in Romanian trying buy a few plums for you and him.

You then picked up a little wooden carved wolf smiling at it as Bucky looks at the fruits.

Bucky glares at you – you smile and your beauty makes him stop and stare for a few moments.

“Y/N, put that down. We don't have time for that.”

He said – now coming back over to you.

“I told you we're on the run and we can’t risk letting the enemy find either of us.”

He whispers – now close enough only you could hear him.

You sighed, a small pout on your lips as you put back the carved wolf.

Then spots a grumpy unhappy looking plushie bear.

“Oh look! It's you!”

You said – picking up the blue grumpy looking plushie bear.

“Put that down you brat! We don’t have time for this!”

He looks at you – there was a look of annoyance and frustration.

Bucky was also nervous as he looks for any signs of a threat – and he glances at the plushie.

He thinks of it as a waste of time.

“I’m buying it!”

You said to Bucky.

“No, you aren't. Put it down. It’s a waste of good money!”

He tries to reach for the plushie to take it from you.

“It’s not wasting if I love it!”

You said – cradling it protectively close.

“It is also wasting since we’re on the run and it’s not the time for toys!”

He seems annoyed as he tries and snatch the plushie bear away from her.

 “Ooo, ok blue bear, I’m gonna call you Bucky!"

You hugged the plushie bear.

“Stop it you brat! You are so annoying!”

Bucky said annoyed – but he thinks you looked adorable.

Though it made him roll his eyes – when she insisted call a plushie by his name.

You just held it protectively close.

“Give it to me!”

Bucky tried to forcefully take it from you.

You held it protectively – “no!”

You scowled.

Bucky tried to take the plushie away, he grabs the plushie’s arm as he tries to force it away from you as you tried to protect it.

 “Give it here kid!”

“I’m 25, not a kid!”

You argued – though it seemed hilarious right now.

“You are acting like one.”

He glares at you – still holding onto the plushie’s arm as he refuses to give it to you.

“No!”

You said again.

It was then Bucky spots a few familiar looking agents up ahead behind her.

Bucky seems to pause – then glances again over at the agents, who are still unaware of their presence.

He looks back at you.

“We need to get out of here!”

He tries to move you in a direction, but you were still holding onto the stupid plushie.

You frowned looking behind yourself – your eyes widened and she froze seeing the familiar Hydra general blending in with the crowd in casual clothes as he and his men were seemingly looking for them.

Bucky grabs the plushie, tossing it aside – then grabs your hand and pulls you in a different direction.

He is now trying to act fast as he leads you away from the general and agents. He seems to be on edge as he eyes dart back and forth quickly trying to find a safe place.

"Just..."

You looked around then at Bucky – if the acted casual too blending in with the crowd, they wouldn’t be spotted.

"Blue, put your arm around me and pretend to laugh at something I said!"

You say seeing more agents – the former nickname you had for him slipping out in the mist of the situation.

Bucky has an annoyed look on his face – but he still decides to follow your plan for the moment – seeing how it made sense.

So he puts his arm around you and pretend to laugh at something you said.

“Heh. . .Heh, Heh heheh. . . Very funny. . .”

He said – and you almost had to stop from laughing out loudly yourself at how horrible that sounded.

So you simply rolled her eyes amused – seemingly their role-playing worked as the agents paid them no attention and walked past without noticing either of them.

“You need to work for on your acting skills though!”

You said – once they passed.

“I’m not an actor. I'm a super soldier, princess. . .”

He mutters – annoyed by your comment as he seems to be on edge – always looking around nervously.

“We’re still not safe. . .”

You rolled your eyes again at his former words – “anyways let’s go!”

Bucky was still seemingly on edge as he follows you.

He keeps looking behind him to see if they are still being followed.

His blue eyes were darting around nervously.

You had almost tripped onto the escalators – again because of your heeled boots.

Bucky scowling seeing almost trip again – but he still tries not to yell at you as he glares and sighs, shaking his head.

“You really need to get some new shoes, doll. . .”

He keeps his eyes darting around as he follows you.

You were going to answer – but her eyes widened as you saw a few agents taking the opposite side of the escalator – but you were crowded in you and couldn't move.

Bucky stops and freezes as he spots them too.

“Crap. . . We have to go.”

He tries pull you away in a different direction – his eyes dart around nervously as he looks for any escape routes.

The escalators were too close – you’d be spotted.

You looked around then suddenly said to Bucky – “kiss me!”

Bucky pauses and his eyes dart to you as he looks at you in disbelief.

He blinks in surprise.

 “What?”

He says confused – nervous, an unsure of what to do.

“Why?”

He says, seeming a bit skeptical of your plan.

“Physical displays of affection make people uncomfortable!”

You said blurt out – knowing the agents will look away seeing a couple kiss.

Bucky still seems unsure of it but he looks at you with the most serious expression.

He sighs and thinks about it for a second as he makes a hard decision.

“. . . Okay. . .”

He says as he slowly leans towards you to kiss you – he still has a annoyed look on his face but tries to relax.

He kisses you softly and he sighs.

He still feels annoyed about your plan – but he seems a bit relieved that they didn't get caught by the agents as he looks at you.

He’s still not sure if he likes you or not– j but he still seems to really enjoy the kiss.

You both then slowly pull away the moment the agents were out of sight.

But stops kissing you – the look of annoyance reappearing.

“You’re crazy.”

He sighs and rubs his face – “. . .I can’t believe I kissed you. . .”

“Oh please, it’s not I like just kissed Richard Madden or something!”

You grumbled sarcastically – as you reached the floor.

He looked at you with the same serious expression – but it quickly changes into a pissed off expression.

“. . .What? Richard, who?”

Bucky sounds agitated as he looks at you.

He’s not only annoyed by what you said – but the kiss. He tries to put the kiss out of his mind.

“Richard Madden. . .? The British actor. . .?” You said “You know the guy who played in Bodyguard or even prince charming in the live action Cinderella!”

“I don't care about no British actor we just kissed!”

He scoffs as he glances away angrily.

“. . .And?”

You ask – raising an eyebrow.

Bucky was shocked by your response as he looks at you in disbelief.

“You’re. . . You’re not embarrassed?”

He asks.

“Well. . . yes. . . but hey, it got us out of there!”

You said.

“. . .Right.”

He grumbles looks away as is pissed. He rubs his face in annoyance again and he just tries to forget about it.

“What?”

You ask – seeing the annoyed grumpy expression on his face.

“Nothing. . . Nothing at all. Just shut up and stop talking about Ricker Maddened.”

He grumbles – getting you both back out into streets again.

“Richard Madden.”

You corrected him.

“And – I don’t care.”

He grumbles under his breath.

You just rolled your eyes as he quickly pulled you back into the apartment – that kiss continuously replaying his mind. . .

He’d be lying if he said – the warmth of your lips against his didn’t feel good or made his heart race. . .

Perhaps, there was a reason why he came for you. . .

tagging everyone who was interested in the first part ( One more part then the story will be finished ):

@kiekiekiki @ijustneedpopcorn @geminigengar @batsyforyou </3

PART 1 | PART 2

And yes - I used references from catws xD

[gyuuberryy]

jealousy jealousy (pt 2)

xavier thorpe x reader x tyler galpin

>summary: you get to choose between them, make a wise decision!

>warnings: angst, crying, lots of fluff(i cringed while writing it lmao), kissing, slight mentions of food and blood, jealousy

>word count: 1.6k+

>note: ahh this is the last part, i couldn’t wait to finish it. the ending kind of gives an insight to the storyline of the show. enjoy!

part(1)

_________________________________________________

XAVIER

xavier walked through the forest to his hut where he practiced his art and made portraits. the usually chirpy forest was silent save for the crunching of dead leaves underneath his shoes. yet all his mind could comprehend was thoughts about you. his mind kept going back to what he saw at weathervane. how could you kiss tyler after what he and his friends had done to xavier the last outreach day? he deserved it though, afterall, he had hurt you so much and that too for the dumbest reason that you were not aware of. he really had to talk with you to fix things soon, otherwise he would continue to beat himself about this. 

he looked up to dodge a tree that was in his way when he spotted two distant figures. as he got closer he realised it was tyler and..

you

he immediately stopped in his tracks. had things gotten serious between you and tyler that you were now meeting him outside of weathervane? his heart hurt as he observed the way you talked animatedly, making tyler chuckle. 

everything felt hopeless now. you looked happy talking to tyler which was a stark contrast to when you told xavier that you didn’t want him as a part of your life anymore. before he could realise, hot, sticky tears rolled down his face. he had royally messed up a perfectly good friendship. now he couldn’t do anything about it.

tears blurred his vision as he turned around to go back to his dorm. he was walking through muscle memory as his mind went blank. he didn’t even realise someone was calling him till a warm hand latched around his wrist. he turned around to make out a familiar figure. he immediately wiped the tears off his face with his sleeve to clearly see you. both of your eyes went to your hand resting on his wrist. deja vu never felt so good.

you took your hand off him, as if touching him had burnt you. “i was shouting for you for so long, why didn’t you respond?”

xavier remained silent, the words not really settling in his brain. he was too mesmerised by how you were standing in front of him. he couldn’t believe you even approached him after what he did.

you huffed and crossed your arms, “i saw you staring at tyler and i” you smirked, “were you stalking me?first weathervane and now in the forest?”

xavier felt his cheeks go hot and he immediately shouted a no. your eyes slightly widened at his outburst. xavier cleared his throat, “uh i mean of course not i’m not a creep.” his hand went to scratch the back of his neck, a habit of his whenever he was nervous. “i wanted to get you something from weathervane to apologise for what i said yesterday.”

“apology huh? that sounds interesting”

your words struck something inside him, making him grab both of your hands and look into your eyes. taking a deep breath, he began his rant.

“y/n i’m so so sorry for neglecting you and ignoring you for the past month. the thing is.” he paused and gulped at the curious look in your eyes. “the thing is, i started seeing you in a different light. everytime i made eye contact with you, it felt like i couldn’t breathe. everytime you laughed, my heart fluttered.” your eyes softened at his words, encouraging him to go on. “i felt disgusted with myself for having feelings for my best friend. suddenly, i had no idea how to act around you anymore and i guess that’s when i started distancing myself from you. and i know i sound like a jerk for saying this, but wednesday was just a distraction. i just want to be friends with her. but i never wanted to replace you. i regret losing you.”

you were overwhelmed with everything he just told you. also ,the xavier thorpe LIKED YOU. 

feeling overjoyed, you wanted to scream and dance around but you had to control yourself. “you could’ve just told me about it instead of being a jerk that day. i like you.”

xavier sighed, “i know i’m really sorry, i promise i didn’t mean any of the things i said to you. when you screamed at me it just set me off because i’ve been having these really weird vivid dreams-”

you cut him off with a kiss. xavier froze at the feeling of your soft lips against his but slowly held your face with his large hands and reciprocate the gesture. soon, you both broke apart. “idiot i just said i like you.”

his face was still riddled with confusion, “but you and tyler-”

you shut him up with another peck. “there’s nothing going on between us. i mainly kissed him to make you jealous, but also because he’s really attractive.” xavier raised a brow at that.

you hit him lightly on the chest, “you would've done that too if you were in such close proximity with him.” he just chuckled at your words. 

he held your hand and led you towards the dorms. “you know he was surprisingly very understanding when i told him about all this.” xavier hummed at your words.

you turned your head towards him, “i was expecting you to be a bit more jealous you know.” his grip on your hand tightened, “oh i am jealous, i’m very much jealous. i was fuming that day when i saw you both.”

you giggled at his words. “wait were you crying earlier because of this?” he started whining and tried to shake your hand off his but you just tightened your hold on him and leaned on his shoulder. “okay okay i’ll stop.”

you both walked in a comfortable silence, peace finally settling down both of your bodies. you broke the silence to ask him something that was bothering you. “hey, what were these dreams you were talking about?”

xavier turned to you with a grim look on his face.

“well, it’s always this monster..”

_________________________________________________

TYLER

you walked towards the crackstone crypt with a skip in your step. you had just come back from clearing everything up with xavier. he had given you a sensible and heartfelt apology which made you happy and you were both back to your usual selves again. you had told him that the feelings you had for him felt more like sisterly love now. he felt the same way for you and gave you the green card to go confess to tyler. he was a bit wary about him at first, but you didn’t care. tyler always made you feel warm and fluffy inside. he was so freakin sweet. besides, what evil could be behind those puppy dog eyes?

you soon arrived at your destination to be met with a smiling tyler. his smile hit you like a big yellow school bus and you couldn’t help but smile too. you quickly walked towards him, the warm fuzzy feeling inside you growing with every step you took. finally, you stood in front of him with your hands buried inside your coat pocket.

“hey” you breathed out.

he grinned back in greeting,“so, why’d you call me here?”

your cheeks warmed up at what you were about to say. were you really going to do this? his ever present smile only made your heart flutter more. It was as clear as a beautiful sunny sky: he was an angel. 

“i like you!” you blurted out. tyler sighed with relief, “i thought you were never going to say it.”

“wait i’m not done yet.” tyler stopped and looked at you intently. you took a deep breath and continued. “i was charmed by your looks and nature the day i met you. you were so nice to a person that you met for the first time, that too an outcast. i was surprised.” you took one of his hands in yours and rubbed your thumb over the back. “over time my feelings really grew for you tyler, and i didn’t even realise them till we kissed”. a rosy blush bloomed across tyler’s cheeks making you giggle softly. tyler looked into your eyes with an emotion you couldn’t decipher. “i like you a lot y/n. i’m so happy you feel the same way.”

you stared at him with an adoring look then pulled him into a tight hug, melting into his arms. he buried his face in your neck contently while your cheek pressed against his white sweater. this was probably one of the best hugs you ever had, it felt like hugging a giant teddy bear. you both stayed in each others arms for a long time before you pulled away to give him a warm kiss. this time it was much more sweet and slow and both of you smiled into the kiss. 

eventually, you both pulled apart and leaned your foreheads against each other. “should we get something to eat? i’m kind of hungry.” you nodded and pulled away from him. “i want hot chocolate, it’s getting cold”. you both held hands and swung them back and forth playfully on your walk to the town.

you couldn’t stop admiring him. how could someone be this perfect? while brushing a stray leaf from his shoulder, you noticed something on the collar of his shirt.

“hey, what’s this red stain? is it blood?”, you asked him, your intentions were only playful. he just brushed it off nervously, “it’s nothing, don’t worry.”

you missed the cold expression that came over his face.

_________________________________________________

TAGS: @jeluria @cat-loves-music @icarus-star @livingdeadgirl7 @hawkins-hs @mia-luvs @gracielou0518 @shadytalething @swagabclearner @seanicee @exiledangel @merakiaes @karagrace @justanotherkpopstanlol @pleasingregulus @sarcastic-sourwolf @captainalyss @aspenreadsfanfic @freyawhitexxx1 @liddy-lou-lou @carinacassiopeiae @bxtchopolis @temptressofthetarrot @godess-of-mist @starlight-poet

[misc-obeyme]

Hey! Could I ask for a breaking-4th-wall kind of drabble with Solomon? In my heart I refuse to believe the boys aren’t real; they’re just in another world 💔 idk if thats denial or what but yeah lmao

something comfort or fluff would be nice ^^ even though just seeing Sol always makes me smile it’s a double edged sword and I then think back to how he ‘isn’t real’

(It’s kinda sad I can’t marry that man though…? It was love at first sight in OG game and people think Solomon’s down bad, I’m hella clingy when it comes to close relationships though ☠️ )

(Also random but as kind of a vent the kind of person best for Solomon would be someone who can heal his inner child, yeah? Problem is my inner child is also broken from emotional abuse lol, my issues would not help. I’m not good for him fr)

Hi there, anon!

Let me begin by saying that you are definitely good for Solomon. In fact, I would argue that you would understand him better because of your own issues. You know how it feels, you can relate to him in a way that someone else wouldn't be able to. And I think there's something extremely healing about having someone else to figure it out with. Why can't you and Solomon heal your inner children together?

As for the request, I hope this is what you're looking for! I definitely took the fourth wall breaking idea and ran with that!

You're sitting in your house on your phone, looking at Solomon on the home screen of your Obey Me account. You tap on his sprite and he smiles at you.

"Hm? What is it?" the dialogue says.

"I want you to be real," you say, knowing he can't hear you. "I want to touch you for real."

You sigh, turning off your phone and going about your evening. An hour or so passes and you're now focused on something else entirely when the doorbell rings.

It's odd. You weren't expecting company.

You answer the door and nearly faint from shock.

Solomon laughs gently at the look on your face. "Hi, MC. You wanted to see me?"

You stare at him with your mouth open. "What- I don't- How are you…? How are you here?"

"I'm a sorcerer, MC," he says. "With the right spell, I can make anything happen."

You're a little confused, but is it really worth asking any more questions? He's here and he looks solid. He looks real.

Solomon seems to understand your uncertainty. He reaches out a hand toward you. "I promise it's really me," he says. "Won't you let me show you?"

You couldn't have refused even if you wanted to. You didn't take the time to think about it, just immediately put your hand in his.

Solomon tugs on your hand and pulls you close, wrapping an arm around your waist. The world spins and you're being teleported to a new location.

You gasp when you find yourself looking out at a familiar view. The Devildom stretches out below you, RAD's great structure in the distance, the sparkling city lights next to an elaborately detailed fence. You're standing on a cobblestone street with Solomon's arms around you. The sky is dark, but it always is, here in the Devildom.

"Did you think it wasn't real?" Solomon asks. "Did you think I haven't already fallen for you?"

You clutch at him because this is all so unexpected. "Yes," you admit. How could you have possibly thought otherwise?

Solomon laughs, but it's soft, like he can't help it because you're so cute. "I'm sorry," he says. "I should have come for you sooner. Do you want to stay? For a little while?"

You throw your arms around his neck. "Yes!" you cry. And there are tears on your face because you're somehow here, with him.

Solomon kisses away your tears. You melt in his arms as he does. He gives you a questioning look, as if he's not sure how far he can go.

You let him know by kissing him. Solomon's embrace tightens around you. You can feel his heart beating against yours - rapid, like he's also overwhelmed by this impossible moment.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[gem-de-lune]

Helloo! Thank you for all the readings ever since and for the update today! My question is abt you if its not too intruding. If it is, you could just ignore this! That’s totally fine i just got curious because i am a believer of energy and vibrations but i don’t know the specifics of it yet such as to how to communicate or protect them and sorts. I just think tarot is just one way to go around this.

Anyways, how did you get into tarot reading? And how are you doing your practice to improve your intuition(?), if thats the right term for it😅

Aside from helpful and hopeful, I find your readings interesting. I feel like you’re more attuned to people’s energy as opposed to the other readers i see online. You seem more detailed because the other readers comes off as general when they do read like it’d make me think ‘isn’t that just common sense?’

I didn’t know before that people you read can give permission or not if they like 😲 Maybe it’s because it’s the first time I’ve seen a daily reading of someone but how exactly does that work. To what part of the person exactly are you asking? Also, I remember one of your readings where you asked all members and that there were members who were much more open and quicker to respond. I don’t know why but i just imagined little souls of them lining up and all 😭

Oh, when you read do you see a vision on your head or do you hear words? And how does your practice differ from others?

Sorry i thought I was going to ask a few questions only but more questions pop up as I typed this haha. I’m actually curious more than I thought. Again if all this feels too intrusive you don’t have to answer! Sometimes, my curiosity just gets to me.

Thanks again btw! We really appreciate you 🧡

Oooooh i will answer to the best of my ability since a few of yall have been asking something similar and this ask has all those questions compiled lmao.

A- I got into Tarot by essentially ordering a deck and just started doing personal readings for myself right away. I used Tumblr and TarotForum.net (not active to use anymore, but you can research card combinations here, and it is very helpful). I highly recommend just starting with the regular Rider Waite deck bc you need to learn what the most generic cards mean to make things easy later.

B- As for how i practice and improve, as I got more familiar and understanding, i realized there were basically multiple ways to connect energetically for a tarot reading. you could connect to a higher power/diety, or to an individual's subconsious/energy. From there, I began meditating- specifically chakra training, awareness meditations, and Kundalini Awakening Meditation to train my intuition and spiritual connections. At that time, I was connecting to what I call "the universe" mainly. However, the Universe is very finnicky. Sometimes they answer me, and sometimes they do not, and there is no way of me forcing it. I did not realize this until a bit later ofc bc sometimes when you start out, you are not sure of how you should be feeling or what feelings to trust.

But yeah so as I worked on my Chakra training I kind of naturally gravitated more towards people rather than only the Universe, because it makes for a more accurate palatable reading in simple human terms. The Universe and Dieties will always try to tell you more profound and big picture things, but sometimes you do not need all of that. You just need the most simple explaination. So in most instances, I request for the Universe to assist- but only assist rather than getting all my answers from them. And I ask them to be simple and specific on purpose otherwise the message is way too philosophical and weird bc they are trying to tell me the grand plan of things rather than the details- which is what Humans are more focused on. Reading by connecting to the individual makes it more personable and easy to understand.

C- Now as to how I connect with individuals, I do this in about 3 steps that vary. 1st, I make sure I am able to focus my mind. I do this through some breathing exercises that take a few seconds to a minute, and maybe a short meditation. In particular i keep my eyes closed and have a ritual of blowing onto my deck (idk why it just centers me) then I inhale with it against my nose, then blow out one more time with my head tilted up. I like to visualize sending out shimmering wind that travels to where it needs to be and sends me there. At this point, and let's use Seunghan for example, i will see the person I am connecting to.

They could be doing anything, walking down the street, in a cafe, at home, etc. In Seunghan's case he is usually walking around on the streets or at a public space sitting like at a cafe. Maybe I will call out to him or tap him on the shoulder. He looks up and I hold out my hand. Whether he takes it or not is the permission. That is if I can even get that far though.

I can be stopped at any point. Whether I am unable to visualize the air I blow out travelling, or unable to see the person I attempt to connect to, or maybe i try to force it thinking it's me and the person looks weird (has a weird smile, weird expression, or looks warped), or even if they simply don't acknowledge me at all. All of these are the permission indicators. How far I get insidcates how willing they are to share anything at all.

In the case of the last vibe check attempt, I was stifled from just the air blowing. I thought maybe I was not focusing, so I tried more after meditating, but rather than the normal enviornment I was met with a door to which I knocked on to request entry. Upon entering, I was met with some darkness and just weird expressions from Seunghan and one other member I could not place. But all were just standing around staring at me like an intruder. I could not see all their faces which means some did not want me to know what they were feeling at all. So I decided that was a no and I needed to go for now.

Now when it comes to visualizing like this, it is so much faster, more fleeting, and less detailed than what I am describing. It's the vagueness of a fleeting dream almost. Which is why meditating and being focused is important bc every small sensation is a factor that changes the enviornment.

When I do the Vibe checks for all members- I've mentioned before about how "so and so wanted to go first" lol and it IS kinda similar to tiny voices in my head but since it's energy it's just a vibe. I'll ask "who wants to go first" and in my head like a mantra it'll be like "Sohee Sohee Sohee Wonbin Wonbin SOHEE SOHEE Eunseok SOHEE" and some will back off and wait their turn and others will go back and forth for a while before I get annoyed 🥴. The event is similar to when you have a song stuck in your head. The ones that usually care the least about the order are Anton and Sungchan, also sometimes Shotaro. Eunseok likes to be first a lot and so does Wonbin. Sohee it just depends. I usually do Seunghan first regardless so he is never part of those fights lol.

Anyways a lot of this is basic intuition and rather than really detailed visions it is just feeling. You know like how you meet your friend's eyes and you immediately know what they are thinking or wanting to say? It is like that. As to how I came to know how to do that I have absolutley no clue- it is just something I eventually started doing naturally when doing readings and it has been very accurate ever since.

I hope this makes sense lolol i kinda went too in depth but I hope this helps for anyone interested in learning to read tarot in this method. You have to be a very empathetic person though and remember to use protection like sage or crystals bc some people's energy lingers on you and it's not always good at all....

Also be careful if you just connect to dieties bc not all of them are good. USE PROTECTION!!

Hope this was insightful! If anyone has further questions about this, feel free to leave a comment? I'll answer them.

[yelenasdiary]

Little!reader request! CG/sisters Nat and Yelena

Just a bunch of fluff of reader and her cgs who happen to be her sisters from the red room watching bluey together

Family Time

Pairing: Caregivers! Natasha Romanoff & Yelena Belova x Little! Reader

Summary: After finally getting you to settle down after a sugar high, your older sisters sit and watch your favourite cartoon together.

Comfort | No Warnings | 0.7K | 

AC: I’m Australian and I’ve never seen bluey, lmao. But I hope you enjoy this x also, please note, I am not a little and I write this purely based of research. If I have said anything incorrect, please don’t hesitate to message me via DM or asks. 

It was Yelena who had given you some soda in your sippy cup, maybe a mistake when she noticed how hyper you had gotten but it was hard for her to say no to her younger sister when you gave her your signature puppy eyes. She tried everything to get you to settle down before Natasha would return from the store, but nothing worked to keep your attention. Sitting down in the living room, surrounded by your toys and favorite plushies, she offered to do some arts and crafts with you. 

"But can't find crayons!" you pouted as Yelena placed your coloring book on the table. "Well, when was the last time you had them?" Yelena asked, unsure of where they'd be. 

"Sissy took them!" you replied, crossing your arms across your chest. 

To Yelena's relief, Natasha walks through the door with a welcoming smile. "Sissy! Where's crayons?" you asked as you sat down at the coffee table and opened up your coloring book. "If you're going to ask like that, you won't get them" Nat replies with a raised brow, reminding you to use your manners. 

"Sorry" you pouted, "can I please have my crayons?" you asked once more. 

Natasha whispered to Yelena that they were on top of the refrigerator. She had placed them there to stop you from chewing on them, snapping them in half or drawing on the walls. Yelena grabbed them and placed them in front of you before grabbing another one of your coloring books to join you. 

"Thank you Sis!" you smiled before grabbing an orange crayon. 

Natasha made peanut butter sandwiches for lunch, cutting off the crusts for you otherwise you wouldn't eat it. She filled your sippy cup with apple juice and placed it on your small plastic table. 

Since your older sisters saved you from Red Room, they've learnt a lot about you, things they didn't know before and together, they work as one to help give you everything you need. They love you more than life itself, you're their baby sister so anything you need, they'll do it. 

Given the events that took place in Red Room it was no surprise that your Psychologist informed your sisters that you age regress as a form of dealing with the trauma of Red Room. Both sisters did their research and they best to make sure you always felt comfortable and safe when you were feeling little, some days were harder than others. 

"Are you ready for lunch?" Nat came into the living room with another soft smile, you nodded before you realized how hungry you were then raced to your table. Natasha chuckled, "somebody is hungry!" she commented as she and Yelena followed you into the dining room. 

It was important to them that when you were feeling little that they help create a whole different childhood for you, everything mattered, even to the tiniest details. Mealtimes were to be eaten in the dining room as a family and there was a routine, they followed that they learned you loved and reacted well too. 

"After lunch wanna watch bluey" you spoke after taking a bite of your sandwich. 

"I'm sure we can watch bluey before your nap" Yelena replied, Natasha nodding in agreement, "do you want to change into your bluey shirt beforehand?" Nat asked. You nodded with excitement. 

For your birthday, Yelena had a shirt made just for you of your favorite Bluey character. The shirt brought you plenty of comfort and joy and you always wore it when you would watch the show. 

After lunch, Nat helped you change into your Bluey shirt before you both joined Yelena on the sofa who had already got Bluey ready. You made yourself comfortable between your two sisters, resting your head on Natasha's shoulder as you began to suckle your thumb. Yelena pressed play and watched as your eyes instantly lit up. 

Plenty of chuckles were shared between the three of you as you grew more and more tired as it came closer to your nap time. Yelena reached for a throw blanket before throwing it over the three of you. After a handful of episodes, you were softly snoring with your head still resting comfortably on Natasha's shoulder. 

The two older sisters smiled softly at one another, finally able to have family time like they had always dreamt of.

Taglist: @red1culous | @bentleywolf29 | @jeyramarie | @lissaaaa145 | @high--power | @parkerdaramitzzzz | @mmmmokdok | @wackymcstupid | @kiwiana145 | @valiantmugcowboyscissors | @observeowl  | @nattyolw | @ripofflizzie | @get-the-fuck-outta-here | @goofy-goonie | @makegoodchoices | @apollo2907 | @marvelfan98 | @wandaroman0ff | @dumb-fawkin-bitch | @lovelyy-moonlight | @santana1437 | @fluffyblanketgecko | @puta1 | @inluvwithfictionalwomen | @tintedrose12 | @jaymieflorissssssss | @tita001 | @youralphawolf72 | @crescent-witch | @randomnessbecausewhynot | @natashamaximoff69 | @a-dorkier-book-keeper | @hehehehannahthings | @secrettoallofyou | @romantic-slaps-on-the-asss | @marvel-fan-2021 | @mmmmokdok | @riveramorylunar | @ripofflizzie | @toldthatdevil | @itsmv3 | @katiemay-025 | @maria-403 | @boredandneedfanfics | @wandamaximoffspuppup | @xox-little-troublemaker-xox | 

[theflagscene]

Wait! How!? When!? Where!? How is White suddenly there!? How did Tee meet White!? You can’t just play upbeat music and have the boys running around to show the passage of time and not explain how the fucking villain of the story got the most adorably innocent lil princess boyfriend on the planet!

Phee, bringing Jin on a date to the same place you and Non liked to go is just weird. I hate people who use the same ‘date’ spots for their new partners that they used with their past partners and no, this isn’t me projecting, why do you ask!? Lmao 😂 shut up it’s still tacky af

‘Friend’ the dreaded word.

What is with the ass slapping and window sex!? I mean, I get that they’re supposed to 18 year old boys, who are by definition perverted, but that was some porn level shit. Also, again, no prep. Phee wasn’t even the one blown so it’s not like they were even using spit for lube, or an already lubed condom. What is this, another ABO show? Just having the dudes slick and sliding all over one another apparently.

Ta’s got a decent ass at least, good for him.

“Did you cheat on my brother?” Nah, pretty sure they broke up when Phee saw him being raw dogged by the teacher and then told him to go die, but whatever helps you sleep at night Tan.

“Don’t fall in love with him.” Yeah, I think it’s too late for that.

Oh, mom is not looking so great. Hmm, something tells me that video isn’t real. Mom knows what’s up, it’s finally hit her, her baby’s dead. The actress did a fantastic job of a mother realizing the truth of the death of her child, it’s a startling realization that does take your legs out from under you. Your mind blanks, you can’t think about anything but the last time you saw them, the last terrible thing you said, all you can do is try not to scream. - That got a little too dark and real, sorry.

news.boc.com Cute BoC, very cute.

How long were Phee and Jin supposed to have been fucking by now? Weeks? Months? Because Jin has gotten very emotionally invested very quickly, which is appropriate for teenagers I suppose.

Two years, so they’d be in their what, second year of uni? Tan has gone full mad scientist I see.

Wait, he called to tell Tan that his mom was dead and it was her funeral that day and he just showed tf up! When his dad thought he was still in England!? Lmao, that’s fricking hilarious. I know, I know, wrong reaction to this scene but I’m weird, what can I say.

Oops, bye bye daddy. No wonder Tan is so fucking nuts! That would drive anyone insane. He literally needs Non to be alive otherwise he’s lost everything for nothing.

Is Tan his own guinea pig for his drugs!? Jesus dude, get some help.

Question, were Phee and Jin fucking during their time at university too? Or are you telling me all this ‘I love him’ crap was from one night of decent dick and a few ‘best friend dates’? Like the math ain’t mathing, establish a better timeline here for me when it comes to their relationship because in the first episode it made it seem like they were screwing around for a really long time, months at the very least. But now it seems like they fucked around a couple times in one 12 hour period, Jin decided that was enough to wanna date, caught Phee in a mood because of the fake news report and then they just… what? Kept fucking? Stopped? Jin carried a torch for him for over two years after one night together? Acted like a scorned lover for years because of a single teenaged tryst? Not to be that guy, but girl, you’re coming off a little desperate. I need a more accurate timeline!!!

“This won’t kill them.” Tan, could you try and be a tad more convincing when saying that?

That was a fantastic look from Tan to end on, ngl. Although someone needs to save baby White!

Next episode, we’re back in the present for the most part it seems. Jin somehow still trusts Phee, Fluke somehow gets the gun back and oh look, he holds White hostage, poor bb did nothing, leave him alone! And Tee clearly does know what happened to both Non and Keng as he runs up onto the roof where his uncle is to see the pair… unconscious? Dead? One of each?

I want some backstory about how White fits into all of this next time as well, that would be great. Although considering how little the timeline of events during grade 12 are fully explained, I doubt knowing more about White would make very much sense at this point.

[ghostiiess]

[NSB HEADCANONS] - regie being your boyfriend

pov: title says it all!

warnings: petnames, some swears here and there, mention of sex and aftercare (no smutty scenes), mention of dick (in an 🍆 emoji), mention of ass (in a 🍑 emoji), mention of aftercare, i think that’s all? Let me know if there’s more!

type: fluff (i promise, i know the warnings do not sound fluff but it is)

member: regie macalino

REBLOGS AND LIKES ARE VERY APPRECIATED!

First of all, i think we can all agree that regie would be a really good boyfriend

He’s the combination of ‘dirty-minded’ and ‘sweet’ kind of person

Not dirty-minded as Darren, but still… you can’t tell me otherwise 🤭

(More under the cut!)

He would turn almost everything you say in a dirty way

Like you would say « my blouse button won't attach! »

And he would say « maybe that’s the wrong hole »

Ok, regie.

And you know what? He’d be proud of himself for saying these

He would tease you sooo much

AND THIS MAN WOULD LITERALLY SMIRK AND SAY BACK TO YOU « oh yeah? You know what’s big too? »

And make you feel like YOU are the dirty minded in the relationship, not him

« You’re so tall and big… » you would say innocently

And then, you would think « holy moly, is he talking about his 🍆 ? » because that’s what he WANT to make you think!!

And he would be like « my room! » or something like that

HE WOULD SMILE AND SMIRK

HE WOULD BE SO PROUD OF HIMSELF LMAO

« Why are you looking down? Were you thinking of something else? »

« and here i thought, you were the innocent one in this relationship… guess i was wrong »

Regie love teasing you, what can i say?

He would call you with unusual petnames

It’s one of his favorite things to do to you because he loves seeing you all shy

Btw, since I’m talking about teasing, let me tell you that this man would make fun of you (but in a loving way)

For sure, he’d call you love, baby, sweetie, princess (omg imagine hearing regie saying princess)… petnames like that

BUT!

He would also give you teasing ‘insults’ as others petnames? Idk if you get me?

Like silly, weirdo… just teasing petnames? HELP, IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN AND MAKE IT SEEM HE’S NOT MAKING FUN OF YOU 😅

He wouldn’t use them really often, that’s for sure!

But time to times, he would

Also, he loves your hugs

So he would randomly give you hugs during the day

He find them so comforting :(

« My girl give the best hug » is a thing he could say

he loves holding your hands too

I hope you like his kisses

Because that man would literally kiss you all day long if he had the chance

Also, i am sorry, but he would smack ur 🍑

He loves you and he do not want to make you uncomfortable

He wouldn’t do that very often, just time to times, probably after the aftercare?

I imagine you are cooking or smth, and this man would go « damn, u looking good af » and then he would smack you (not in a hurtful way ofc)

IDK, ITS JUST SEEM LIKE REGIE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT

But as again, if you don’t like it or feel uncomfortable, he would stop

He want to respect your limits

Ofc, i said aftercare, but like this man would be the sweetest during sex?

If you aren’t ready, he would stoke your cheek and be super cute like « baby, that’s okay, we don’t need to do it now, i will wait until you are 100% ready to do it, its alright »

Like even if this man loves doing it (not a lie), he want you to also enjoy it

BUT IF YOU ARE READY!! And did it!!

He would do such great aftercare

stroke ur hair, take a shower, words of affirmations...

Regie would also do skincare with you

You? Applying your skincare products? With your own hands? NAWHHHH

He’s doing it

« I do yours and you do mine »

He would take pictures of you

And videos.

Videos where he’s making fun of you 💀

« she said i look like a freakin crocodile »

« she’s the one looking like it, bruh »

He would also post meme of your face on your birthday

« Happy birthday to my beautiful girlfriend »

Excuse me, sir?? Why do you want to share these meme pictures with all the stars

Btw, if someone’s making fun of you

Or like saying bad things or wtv

This man would literally make fun of them and expose them, like he would talk them back and clash them

Please, do not hurt him, he’s too precious

This man got your back

Always

Thank you (idk how to end this headcanon, hope you liked it!!)

Taglist! (Open! Send an ask if you’d like to be added!) : @nsb-rkive @kentisbaby @firebenderwolf @hyuneee0 @yawnzzznnn @ghostyycat7

Bold can’t be tagged.

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

My Taylor Swift inspired playlists masterpost 3.0.

I’m going to put these under a read more because otherwise this post is going to get super long but the TLDR update is that I’ve added the Speak Now + 1989 vault track, Midnights and TTPD:TA playlists to my “[album]... but not by Taylor Swift series and a new playlist specifically inspired by You're On Your Own Kid to add alongside the Folklore and Evermore song playlists I have (I will eventually get around to ones for the rest of her discography lmao). Have fun.

“[album]... but not by Taylor” series:

(all compilations of songs that Taylor has never worked on that give me the same vibes as Taylor’s did on a song by song basis)

Debut deluxe version

Fearless platinum version

Fearless vault songs

Speak Now deluxe version

Speak Now vault songs

RED deluxe version

RED vault songs

1989 deluxe version

1989 vault songs

Reputation

Lover

Folklore deluxe version

Evermore deluxe version

Midnights lavender version + 3am tracks

The Tortured Poets' Department: The Anthology

Song Inspired playlists:

Midnights

You're On Your Own Kid (Where I am is a journey of all the steps I've taken and I take responsibility and am proud of that while still wishing I was kinder to my younger self)

Evermore:

Willow (Finding love when you least expect it)

Champagne Problems (Wishing you were in love with someone you loves you)

Gold Rush (The love that never eventuated)

Tis The Damn Season (Leaving the love of your life but wishing you could stay)

Tolerate It (Questioning an unstable relationship)

No Body No Crime (Getting revenge against your murderous best friend’s ex husband and his mistress)

Happiness (Accepting that both your ending relationship and what comes next did and will bring you happiness)

Dorothea (Missing your first love who you dated in the 2000s/2010s)

Coney Island (The sadness that comes with knowing you are the reason a relationship ended)

Ivy (Cheating/Going after taken people is bad... but these songs are all bops)

Cowboy Like Me (Songs that make me wish I believed in love)

Long Story Short (Songs that make me feel good about myself/my journey)

Marjorie (Songs that were written about family)

Closure (Moving past people you know will never truly be sorry)

Evermore (Love will always guide you through the toughest times)

Right Where You Left Me (Feeling stuck and left behind in life)

It’s Time To Go (Knowing when to choose yourself first and walk away)

Folklore:

The 1 (When you can’t forget that one person from your past)

Cardigan (Knowing your worth when someone comes back to you after wronging you)

The Last Great American Dynasty (The highs and lows of finding yourself)

Exile (Different gender duet songs I like)

My Tears Ricochet (Fuck Scott Borchetta)

Mirrorball (Breaking free of needing validation)

Seven (Songs with an age in the title)

August (First teenage heartbreak with someone you thought was your person but who didn’t love you back)

This Is Me Trying (Picking yourself up after a depressive episode)

Illicit Affairs (Being the other, younger woman)

Invisible String (Everything will turn out okay)

Mad Woman (Feminist songs)

Epiphany (Societal based songs)

Betty (Accepting you have to move forward after hurting someone)

Peace (Songs that make me feel a sense of peace)

Hoax (Holding on for far too long)

The Lakes (Wanting to escape from reality with your partner)

[ceilidho]

hi! i’m new here. sending asks feels like barging into your figurative living room so sorry if this is bothersome. i wanted to tell u i enjoy your works so very much. you have a way with words that leaves me so caught up in your storylines but also motivated to try my hand at creating something myself.

not sure if you answered already or if you even felt like sharing so my bad if this is repetitive or invasive but what did you study for your bachelor’s and master’s? also how do you juggle writing with a busy schedule? it seems so insurmountable. lastly do you have any fave books and poems? or any top recommendations? :)

again i am sorry if this is bothersome but i just wanted to impress upon you how taken i am with your writing. its all highly emotive. i wasnt even a COD fan but somehow stumbled across your work and i have fallen down the rabbit hole this past week. i look forward to reading whatever you put out next and hopefully supporting the ko-fi very soon. you have a gift, i hope to see you officially published one day 💫

Hi hi!!! It’s not troublesome at all, don’t worry! I really appreciate anything that gets sent to me, even when I get too overwhelmed to respond.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that 😭

I went to school for English lit!!! I used to say that it never got put to good use because my current job doesn’t involve it at all, but I guess I do sort of use it for writing fanfics. Juggling stuff is hard! My job is luckily not very busy so I can write a lot on company time lmao and otherwise I write in the evenings or on weekends when I’m not busy.

I’m on mobile right now so I can’t link the previous recommendation lists I’ve made for books, but off the top of my head for poetry - anything by Anne Carson or Frank Bidart, and for fiction, Neil gaiman (so much fun)!

I hope you end up writing something!!! It’s so good for working on your craft and it’s, in my opinion, the best way to connect with people online and make friends!!