#other times it's excessive. used entirely to hold power over them where it's not necessary.
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byanyan · 2 months ago
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ㅤㅤ" love when people say shit like 'life's not fair' as an excuse for themselves to be controllin' assholes. like, yeah, no shit; think i know that better'n anyone. better'n you, for sure. that ain't a reason for you t' dictate how i fuckin' dress though. 'your top's too short, mehmehmehhh.' bitch, good, that's what i'm goin' for! "
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Ideals
My ideal submissive and feedee is smaller than me. Shorter. Not quite as heavy. Someone I can throw around or push over. She would be able to eat a lot, but I still outclass her pretty handily. I want to be her garbage disposal.
I like all manners of submission, but a sub who wants me to take care of her is really special. Planning her days by the hour, picking her clothes, her makeup, her nails, her hair, her meals, how much she eats…removing as much choice and thinking as possible. Removing as many obstacles as I can to allow her to focus on her passions, and looking pretty for me is ideal. If I can enable her to grow and flourish and bloom, then I’ve done my job.
Ideally, she loves praise and being rewarded. She loves doing things I set out for her, and she loves doing things together. She loves completing tasks, making reports, and researching. She also loves games of all kinds, expressing herself through her art(whatever it is), and is certainly a real dorky nerd. She loves eating. She simply must love eating. She must love being trained. I love training submissive a little each day, and introducing them to more and more things I know they will love, and that will maximize their pleasure. She must also love routines. There doesn’t have to be many rules, perhaps just one: listen.
I like being much bigger, 100lbs+ and a foot taller. I want my hands to be massive on her. I want her to feel small and protected, even if she’s really quite huge. I want to tower over her and be able to wrap my arms around her either because they’re so long, or she’s so squishy.
Fat girls always giggle and squeal when you can manhandle them. One of my favorite tricks to pull out of my hat. So what you weigh 300lbs+? I can fling you across the room or hold you where I need you no problem. Really get me going and I may just lift you up. Adrenaline is a powerful thing.
I want to build a space for her around me where she’s heard, celebrated, and made to feel safe. Where her dreams are reality. I want her time around me to feel like a fantasy come to life. If I can make the world revolve around her, I will. I want to spoil her rotten, and then some. I want her to feel open to experimentation, and to trying new things.
I want to completely redefine pleasure for her. Mind shattering orgasms. I want her dedication and devotion to be rewarded. Hours of playing with her until her body can’t take it and she explodes in desire. I want trust, too. If she trusts, I trust, and we go places neither of us ever have. Deep, intense sessions with all manner of new and different kinks we’ve never fully tried, or that require total abandonment of reservation. All in the pursuit of a greater pleasure, and a greater peace together. Ideally, we will be able to play each other like fiddles.
Feedism fits perfectly in this dynamic for me. Stuffing, gaining weight, and pushing limits are all common, and are mirrored in D/S dynamics in general. It also goes hand in hand with pleasure control. Eating in extreme excess simply for enjoyment fits right alongside pushing the body and the mind for maximum pleasure.
Because I like to take care of my submissive, DD/LG dynamics also work well for me. Creating a fun, relaxed, and completely cute environment where thought, choice, and even talking is totally optional and entirely not necessary is easy for me. I love gift giving and planning out activities, so it’s easy for me to create a little space for the submissive. I’m also a total sucker for extreme cuteness.
Ideally we are a 24/7 dynamic as well, and romantic partners. A deep connection made only stronger by placing each other in each other’s hands every day. I’ve only ever had a 24/7 dynamic once, and it redefined what I thought possible.
In my world with my submissive, there IS takesy backsies. Safe words, traffic lights, serious aftercare, and session logs are all regular. To go to these deep places far in our minds and hearts, there must be ways to come out of it, heal from it, or stop it. At any time I want the communication to be open. We can rewind, end, or redefine things as needed to help each other reach these new depths of pleasure. Things can be added or removed at will, and we can fix things that don’t feel right.
In my mind, my submissive is trusting me to take her to places she’s never been in her own mind, and in pleasure as a whole. She’s trusting me to take as much off her mind as possible, so she can be free. I want to do the thinking, and the planning, and the worrying so she doesn’t have to.
thanks for reading!
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systlin · 4 years ago
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Hi, could you explain a bit about this whole 3rd ammendment thing? I'm not American and I'm not sure what's going on any more, but I'd like to understand.
No problem! It’s probably dreadfully confusing for someone not from the ‘states.
The entire system of US law is based on our Constitution. The Constitution consists of the original text and also 27 amendments. (It was understood that the Constitution would need amending in order to meet new needs and issues over the years, so process for doing so was laid out from day 1)
Amendments 1-10 of the Constitution are known as the “Bill of Rights”, and lays out the rights that are held as inherent to all American citizens. (Though, of course, there’s been a great deal of selective choosing of who counts as a citizen and therefore who can claim those rights over the centuries, and of course a good deal of selective ignorance where it benefited certain groups.)  They are as follows;
Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
Amendment II
A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.
Amendment III
No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
Amendment V
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.
Amendment VII
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
Amendment VIII
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
Amendment IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.
As you can see, the third amendment states that American citizens cannot be forced to house troops in their homes in times of peace, and even in times or war or emergency such a move would have to be cleared by Congress, and would only hold for the duration of whatever emergency or war was occurring. (And even then, knowing Americans, we’d fight it every step of the way.)
This was originally an issue during the Revolution because England would billet troops in the houses of private citizens wherever and whenever they liked. This was a financial drain on the people who had troops take over their homes and inns, and also a very good way of keeping an eye on people the English wanted an eye kept on. Also, very demoralizing for the people who were being forced to house soldiers.
So it was specifically laid out that no citizen could be forced to house or feed soldiers. Public lands and inns were also covered under this, as has been upheld in case law in 1952.
All in all, however, it has been viewed sort of as a quaint little relic of an age gone by that doesn’t apply to the modern world.
So. Fast forward to now. Soldiers from the national guard are sent to stay in a hotel in Washington DC and the local government is told that they will have to pay for it. The taxpayers in DC, told that they’re going to have to pay for this, go “Excuseth me, I think the fuck not.” The third amendment, to everyone’s surprise, is suddenly relevant again.
“But we need them!” The local cops whine.
“Third Amendment of the Constitution, bitch.” Says the Mayor of DC. “They can pack their shit and get out.”
“On what authority?”
“THIS.” (hurling a copy of the Constitution at their face)
“But where will they STAY?”
“Dunno don’t care, but the City of DC ain’t paying for it and you can’t make us.”
And in a nutshell that’s where we are at now.
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coda-90 · 3 years ago
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The Evolution of Social Standards
by Durga Kulkarni.
Psychological Evolution
Why do Social Opinions matter?
Social Expectations
Social Organisations
Psychological Evolution
What is it?
Psychological Evolution, or Evolutionary psychology has roots in Cognitive Psychology and Evolutionary Biology.[1] It focuses on how evolution has shaped the mind and its behavior. It also concentrates on how the main purpose of our lives has shifted, from survival, to contentment. Additionally, it helps us in understanding why we humans behave the way we do, and what are the underlying instincts that we are unaware of which is making us do these things. It also states the importance of human interaction and connection in our lives.
When it comes to human interactions, there are a few default archetypes noticed in each interaction, them being: exchanging information, opinions and expectations. In today's world, during a healthy conversation, we tend to follow these archetypes, for the sake of adding simplicity, purpose and direction to the conversation. This is where social opinions and expectations start affecting us.
Initially, due to the hierarchy that used to exist in the tribes, conversations were very minimal and reserved, but as the tribes kept splitting, and more exchange of information was needed, the people realized that they needed a proper language for their convenience.
The “Pooh-Pooh theory” holds that speech originated from spontaneous human cries and exclamations; the 'Yo-He-Ho theory' suggests that language developed from grunts evoked by physical exertion; while the 'Sing-Song theory/La- La Theory' claims that speech arose from primitive ritual chants and playful songs.[2]
By the time of the Roman civilization, the hierarchy amongst men was very much visible, and was put to use. Along that period, the importance of exemplary words and literature was noticed, and was worked upon by involving a new change bringing item in all the civilians and senators lives; Newspapers (Acta Diurna (Daily Events)). In these newspapers, multiple things were mentioned, including the next political event, the victories. They even had an obituary section in their newspapers. Along with all this information, slowly opinions started seeping into the texts. These opinions helped people in creating a judgment for voting.[3]
By 1600, the social hierarchy was divided into six parts; Monarchy, Nobility, Gentry, Merchants, Yeomen and the Labourers. Due to this, if any judgement was to be made, it would have largely been based on rank.[4]
Then by, about the 1800’s, the social hierarchy was divided into three parts; Upper class, Middle class and the Working class. The Upper class used to consist of the Aristocrats, Nobles, Dukes and other wealthy families working in the Victorian courts.The Middle class consisted of industrial revolutionaries, who have changed our lives. The Working class, lowest among the Victorian social hierarchy were the working class. This class remained aloof to the political progress of the country and was hostile to the other two classes. This working class was further categorised as the skilled workers and the unskilled workers.[5]
In the 2000’s, the hierarchy merged and divided into five social classes; Upper, Upper-Middle, Middle, Working and Lower class. This did not cause as much difference and conflicts as the other classes did in the past. But something else did.
Why do Social Opinions matter?
“Social influence is the process by which individuals adapt their opinion, revise their beliefs, or change their behavior as a result of social interactions with other people.”[6]
When we are in the presence of other people, we like to blend in. To blend in, we abide by a few social norms. These norms help us maintain a calm, mannered and composed personality throughout the day. These norms turn into expectations, expectations turn into opinions and opinions turn into reality. These opinions and expectations, when pondered upon, seem quite irrational, but due to these opinions and expectations being around for a long time, we have grown to accept them, and to some extent, even like them. But then why question it?
The reason being that these opinions and expectations ARE in fact quite irrational and toxic.
Interdependence
We follow these opinions and expectations because we are living in a society that entirely works on being Interdependent. Interdependence is the state of being dependent upon one another (Mutual dependence/Interdependence). For eg. We depend on our neighbours and they depend on us to be welcoming and decent.
To abide by the social expectation of being decent, we usually follow the societal idea of “Decency”, which is being calm, reserved, polite, helpful, straightforward and clean.
Also, other people's evaluations of us is both crucial and necessary to impact behavioral changes, which is what ultimately allows us to gain professionally and personally.
Social Expectations
Each social situation entails its own particular set of expectations about the “proper” way to behave. Social roles are the ‘part people play as members of a social group’. With each social role you adopt, your behavior changes to fit the expectations both you and others have of that role. There are 7 main types of societal roles; Leader, Knowledge Generator, Connector, Follower, Moralist, Enforcer, and Observer.[7]
To explain these roles, we will take a problematic social situation into consideration, to show what exactly each role does.
Leader: Proposes strategies and techniques to conquer a problematic situation. (Leader of a country)
Knowledge Generator: Shares information about the status of the situation. (Advisory)
Connector: Transmits the decisions made by the leader or opinions of other roles. (Media)
Follower: Follows a leader. (Politics)
Moralist: Looks for fair shares for all the other roles. (Law)
Enforcer: Punishes the behavior of other roles. (Army)
Observer: Shares information about the compliance of the behavior of other roles, as well as the role who answers to another observer's request about information about other roles. (General crowd)
We as human beings keep on switching between these roles according to the situation. With these roles, there can be unsaid expectations. Most of the time these expectations are rather helpful than problematic, though there are exceptions. But these exceptions occur only when there’s excess of Destructive criticism, Stratification, Peer Pressure and Mass Hysteria.
Destructive Criticism
Destructive criticism is defined as criticism performed with the intention to harm, derogate and destroy someone's creation, prestige, reputation and self-esteem. It's meant to ridicule, damage and bring the person down.
It is very common on social media. Sometimes it even occurs with your closest peers.
Stratification
Social stratification refers to a society's categorization of its people into rankings of socioeconomic hierarchy based on factors like wealth, income, race, education, sex, and power. The people who have more resources represent the top layer of the social structure of stratification.
This is also widely noticed in public spaces such as schools.
Peer Pressure
Peer pressure is the influence displayed by people within the same social group. It is also the term used to describe the effect this influence has on a person to agree to in order to be accepted by the group. Sometimes peer pressure is used to positively influence people, but most of the time it’s not. Many adolescents fall into the trap of Peer Pressure.
Mass Hysteria
Mass hysteria is a phenomenon that conveys collective illusions of threats, whether real or imaginary, through a population and society as a result of rumors and fear. Mass hysteria occurs anywhere at any time. This is very common during global pandemic.
Social Organisations
In sociology, a social organization is a pattern of relationships between and among individuals and social groups. Characteristics of social organization can include qualities such as sexual composition, spatiotemporal cohesion, leadership, division of labor, communication systems, and so on.
These are the most noticed basis for the Social Organisations; Religion, Gender, Race and Monetary status.
Religion
Religion affects human beings very much. It is the root and base for our mental growth and morals. Religion is a very controversial topic to talk about. Many of them involve multitudes of intricate rituals.
Religions are based on philosophies by spiritual people. These philosophies are more of lifestyles, and when people follow a religion they completely imbibe it, no matter what. This changes their outlook towards social interactions and social opinions. This causes a difference in everyone’s knee-jerk reactions associated with different situations.
Gender
There has always been inequality between the female and male gender. This is called Sexism. Sexism is prejudice or discrimination based on one's sex or gender. Sexism can affect anyone, but it primarily affects women and girls. It has been linked to stereotypes and gender roles. This means in many countries there aren’t equal human rights for both the genders. Even though in few countries there may be basic equal rights for both the genders there always is one favored gender and things like salary and weight of opinion is not the same for the favored gender.
Race
Racism is the belief that groups of humans possess different behavioral traits according to physical appearance and can be stratified based on the superiority of one race over another. It may also mean prejudice, discrimination, or hate directed against other people because they are of a different race or ethnicity. Modern Racism is often based in social perceptions of biological differences between people. These views can take the form of social behaviour, practices or beliefs, or political systems in which different races are supposed as ingrained superior or inferior to each other, based on assumed similar inheritable traits, or qualities.
Monetary status
The Monetary status of people has an influence on decisions made by law. It also gives them unrequited privilege to commit minor or major crimes, and evade the consequences. This brings a sentiment of power and pride in them, which then gives them a sense of togetherness.
In summary, this write up covers up the basic Evolution of Communication, the importance of abiding to Social Norms, the Seven basic types of Social Roles, Compelling Social Ideologies that change the perspective of the human mind, and the differences that bring humans together.
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heartbaz · 3 years ago
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Magpie's happy ending (Renegade)
Of all the calls she imagined, Magpie never thought she would receive one from Tamaya Rae herself asking for help in reorganizing the items in the old weapons and artifacts department.
After "Supernova", the renegade headquarters was closed for months. It was no longer necessary to have a superhero building when superheroes no longer existed. Despite not being such an important issue, some rumors and theories spread, mostly saying that the tower would be demolished at some point.
But apparently that would not be the case.
From what heroin told her, they wanted the renegade headquarters to be a kind of museum on the second floors, which would display the artifacts stored, as well as the costumes of heroes of the old Council, photographs, news and all those things that she found it a waste of time and space to display and risk someone stealing them just like that, especially the dangerous artifacts that were in that place, but the opinion of an 11-year-old orphan girl was not so important.
When he entered the building he studied the place, which was being remodeled. He expected them to build statues of the Council, the Sketch team, a large painting, or something extravagant and flashy, typical of the renegades, especially Hugh, Captain Chromium. But he was surprised to see that it was the same as before, except that everything was new, in fact the quarantine was still under reconstruction, even Max Everhart himself was tidying up the glass city.
She realized too late that she had been staring at him for too long, a certain interest welling up in the girl at the tender expressions the boy was making as best he could arranging a four-story building near a park. Max had looked up for a second and noticed that the little blue eyes were watching him. Before receiving any gesture of greeting from the blond boy, she turned a little blushing and followed his path with a hurried step to enter the elevator and descend.
When the doors opened she could hear in the distance a conversation coming from the room of the dangerous artifacts, the voice was of two girls. when she got a little closer she realized that it was a dispute between Monarch and Nova. Nothing serious, they were just talking about some glasses and their use, something that did not interest her, she was coming for the jewelry and to see if there was something interesting and relevant so she could steal it without anyone noticing her absence.
She looked around and then stood still, she was struck by the silence that reigned in the place, and that was very strange. Something was clearly missing. Rather, someone was missing. Callum's obnoxious voice talking excessively about artifacts was missing. His lips formed a grimace without realizing it.
"This place is so different without him."
She startled to hear a voice behind her. When she turned around she saw Tina staring down the hallway. Maggie wasn't an expert at deciphering people's feelings through their eyes, but she easily saw the sadness and melancholy reflected in them, accompanied by pursed lips, clearly holding back tears.
Maggie looked at her for a few seconds before she began to feel uncomfortable.
"uh... where do I start?"
Tina shook her head and looked at her again.
"Oh right," she cleared her throat, "You need to help Sketch, Red Killer and Smokescreen sort some paperwork in the reception area, I'd assign you something else like sorting the jewelry or some artifacts, but those guys have a lot of work to do."
Magpie let out a grumble but said nothing by way of protest and headed for the reception area. It was chaos, full of papers piled up on the floor. Adrian was already reading and sorting some papers, but the other two present, Ruby and Oscar, were just flirting with each other. He grimaced. He had no idea how he was going to deal with such displays of affection during the day.
...
They had spent almost two hours among all those piles of papers organizing one by one. they were all tired and bored, but that didn't stop very interesting topics of conversation from arising among the four boys, and although at first the redhead didn't have the slightest interest in talking to them, it was inevitable for her to listen and laugh at the crazy stories Oscar had. A circle of trust was created in which even she told them some of the weirdest objects and her most risky adventures when she worked for the renegades. At this point, they were each telling the origin of their power, their faces dumbfounded as they listened to Ruby and Oscar's horrific experiences, even if hers may not have been any prettier than theirs. They had mentioned that both Sketch and Monarch were born with their powers.
"We could say that Nova was also born with one, the gift of putting others to sleep by touch" Ruby mumbled.
Magpie stared at the girl, waiting for her to continue with the explanation of how Nova managed to never sleep, but she did not. She never liked her, neither being Insomnia nor being Nightmare, she still didn't forget what happened the day Agent N was going to be released, but at that moment she aroused her curiosity and she wasn't going to stay with her.
"If he was born with the power to put people to sleep just by touching them, how did he get the power to never sleep?"
Adrian tensed, but decided to tell her.
"When Nova was 7 years old her uncle, Ace Anarchy, had her entire family killed, even her sister who was only months old. She was only saved by putting the man to sleep when he was in front of her. Ace found her and turned her into an Anarchist," he paused a little to put some papers he had just read, "Every time she tried to sleep she repeated the scene in her head, after that she could not sleep until a few months ago when she slept for 24 hours.
An uncomfortable silence reigned in the reception area. Maggie took a few moments to process it all. For a moment she felt a bit like she could relate, she too had lost her family, but she couldn't imagine how it would feel to remember everything that had happened for the rest of her life. For the first time she felt pity and empathy for the ex-villain.
"It's your turn, Urraca" said Oscar to break the silence "how you got your powers."
She grimaced as she didn't know the story for sure.
"I was too little to remember, but at the orphanage they told me that the landlord found me crying, full of blood," she took out her amulet, a bullet, from her pocket and showed it to everyone present" I had the bullet in one hand. Only the bodies of my parents were found, but there was no sign of my sister.
"Was your sister taken away?" Adrian asked, as shocked as she was to hear Nova's story.
"I don't know. For a long time I waited for my sister to come looking for me at the orphanage, but she never came. No one ever came to pick me up. I came to the conclusion that she either didn't want me or she was dead" the last thing she said in a whisper, but loud enough for those present to hear.
"What about the Renegades directory" Oscar pointed to the computer.
"I already tried, there's nothing," sighed the girl."
"Maybe there is something among all these papers of old files and cases?"
Adrian was interrupted.
"I found it!" exclaimed Ruby, who throughout Magpie's story had been sifting through the piles of papers and was now holding up a set of three sheets held together by a rusty paper clip. all she could read was "Maggie's case" and the last name was blurred, someone had splashed coffee on it.
Oscar snatched the papers from his girlfriend's hand and ran. She chased after him while feigning anger. During the two hours those two lovebirds were expressing their love through flirtatious gestures and small frolics. Maggie put up with them all the time without complaining so much, but in those moments she didn't feel like putting up with their romantic idiocies and apparently neither did Sketch, in fact he spoke first asking for a little more seriousness in the matter and for them to read the case quickly. Oscar obeyed without first letting out a "boring" along with a small cloud of smoke straight into his opponent's face.
"Let's see what it says," he began to read, "he has no birth certificate.... His name was chosen by Captain Chromium, what an honor! ... Her parents were killed in the domicile where she was found... only she survived... her sister is missing... she had a bullet in her hand..." Oscar and Ruby read without interest, but as they turned the page they wrinkled their foreheads. "Artino case"
Adrian made the same gesture with his forehead and quickly stopped to read the case. Magpie didn't understand anything but felt excitement anyway.
"Who is Artino? Is that my sister's name?"
Everhart shook his head slowly as he read over the other boy's shoulder.
"No. That's Nova's last name"
The girl sighed wearily. For a moment, the illusion returned that her sister would find her and take her with her to her new home, but it was just a stupid childish fantasy she had. Of course in those papers she would find nothing important about her life before the murder of her parents, much less anything about her missing sister.
When they finished reading, the renegades' gazes turned to her.
"Steaming saints..." Oscar was very overwhelmed. his hands went slack and he dropped the pages. Adrian picked them up with extreme gentleness.
"Margaret White Is that your real last name?"
The named woman looked at him strangely.
"I don't think so, my parents never registered me or anything like that. I was named Margaret White at the orphanage when, supposedly, they got the wrong information."
The Boy looked at her for a few moments and knelt down in front of her. she hated it when they did that. To her it was a sign that something was wrong.
"Your last name doesn't appear on these papers because they are smudged, but," he sighed, "but I believe your full name is Evelyn Artino and your sister..."
He paused for a few seconds that Maggie felt like hours. She already knew what the Renegade's next words would be, but she needed to hear it or she would think it was all just another one of her crazy fantasies.
"Your sister is Nova Artino."
She stood still and wordlessly, processing the information. She just didn't know what to do, feel or say, should she run and hug Nova or leave the place, pretend she never heard all this and believe that her sister was just a figment of her imagination?
All he could manage to do was shout a resounding "How!" at the renegade. Such an action scared him off and he backed up a few steps. Seconds later Nova and Danna arrived to see what had happened.
The girl's small eyes fixed on the shorter of the girls and she lunged at her to attack, but before she could reach out to touch her Adrian grabbed her by the waist and lifted her slightly off the ground. That brought back memories.
"How could you!" shouted Magpie trying to free herself from the Renegade's arms, but it was useless, "You abandoned me!"
Nova looked at her strangely and then at her companions. Ruby handed her the papers. She skimmed the first page, but still didn't understand.
"Look at the second page."
The red-haired girl listened and began to read. Seconds later she covered her mouth in amazement and her eyes filled with tears.
She also began to cry.
"For years I've been waiting for you to come and get me, but you never showed up" she said in a whisper, now calmer.
"But how..." she said in a choked whisper.
"She told us the origin of her powers, or at least what she knows" Adrian replied, "She was found covered in blood with a bullet in her hand, her parents were killed and her older sister disappeared. Read well, everything is very clear."
The renegade picked up the old papers and went back to reread them more patiently, perhaps looking for some word or name that contradicted her boyfriend's words. But judging by her look of disbelief and the tears that began to fall down her cheeks, there was nothing to rule out the theory.
"Why didn't I have any idea about these papers?" asked Nova with her eyes on the sheets, although it was obvious that she was addressing her partner "How come no one remembered such information?"
Adrian looked at her for a few seconds. She, still holding her head in the air, sensed that he was looking for signs of anger. And part of it showed.
"I'm not really sure, but back then they didn't trust computers, so they used paper to file all the cases" he motioned to the mountains of paper scattered around the room.
That was the last that was heard. No one knew what to do or say, and the silence was so thick and uncomfortable that it was becoming unbearable. After a few minutes Oscar decided to give them space and leave the place together with Ruby by the hand, they were also followed by Danna, who still didn't understand what was going on.
The last to leave was Adrian. He went down to Maggie -or Evelyn, she didn't even know what to call herself anymore- and gave her a squeeze on the shoulder, as if giving her strength or a signal not to run out of the building. He walked over to Nova and cupped her face to wipe away her tears. He said something she didn't hear and kissed her on the lips before leaving the room and closing the door.
It was time to talk, but apparently none of them were willing to start. At least Urraca didn't want to.
"I don't know what to say," Nova finally spoke, she had stopped crying a few moments ago, but her voice was broken, "You have no idea how happy I am knowing you're alive."
Magpie wiped her tears and snot with her sleeve.
"I asked you something earlier, why did you abandon me, did you even look for me?"
She shook her head.
"I never looked for you" said Nova, "I didn't because I thought you were dead.... That you had been murdered that night and I couldn't protect you because..." she couldn't continue speaking because a sob escaped from her throat.
Evie grew tired of pretending to be strong. She burst into a disconsolate cry and ran to hug her sister tightly. she hugged her sister back just as tightly. at that moment they couldn't talk, she knew it, the lump in her throat barely let her breathe. She had no intention of admitting it, but the warmth of an older sister along with a strange and curious sensation it brought back an old feeling she had thought she had forgotten, one she had not experienced for years. That of being safe, of having a home.
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mimiplaysgames · 3 years ago
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Terraqua Week Day 5 (Mischief)
Summary: Aqua doesn’t have a crush on Terra. She doesn’t. Okay, she does. Or, Terra accidentally walks in on her in the shower. || Word Count: 3,476
Read on AO3
A/N: @terraquaweek I should mention a tiny little warning that there is a reference to nudity in this fic! It’s not described, so it’s totally T-rated but in case that is something you wanted to know. :) This is the shortest fic in the bunch, something cute and fun. The shower scene was a deleted scene in my Terraquanort fic, but I found that it just didn’t fit with the mood at all haha
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nah.
Accidents don’t often happen to Aqua.
Ha.
Aqua swings her Keyblade upward. The force juggles golden rings assigned for training, usually tied to a pole for a bounce back. The Master mentioned some interesting techniques the other day in class: style changes, or the ability to enhance your power after a string of emotional attacks deep in the heat of battle, when you’re forced to rely on your heart to pull you out of a tough situation. Terra is sure to be developing new tricks, too.
There’s two months left until the Mark of Mastery. Letting the rings loose is a handicap Aqua places on herself: they’re heavy, resisting her magic to bounce in the air. This way, they should mimic what it’d feel like to fight a powerful enemy. She practices her pirouettes, and her waves of magic attempt to buoy them in the air in a violent tornado, but her spell flounders, a small push by a child in a playground. She adds a waltz step, a flip to give it a good kick, but it’s not enough. The rings crash back onto the grass. 
Aqua grunts and goes for the kill—but she twists her ankle at the crevice of a rock, landing on her knee.
“Stars,” she curses, wincing. Her knee is scraped, a hole ripped through her stocking, and her ankle aches. Stars. She casts Heal on her knee to soothe the sting and the gentlest summon of Ice to counter the swelling in her ankle. She tries to stand on it but can’t, so she casts more rounds of Heal and Ice spells until her leg can at least bear her weight.
Aqua limps to the castle through the back entrance, where the communal showers are. Showerheads, each with its own white curtain, are built on one side and sinks on the other in a wide open space. It’s part of a long hallway that connects to one of the gyms and a storage room down a corner. The floor is lilac concrete tile and drains, where it gives way to marble when you enter the castle proper. 
There was a time when the castle housed enough students to justify the size of this room, but Aqua is grateful she has direct access instead of having to drag this stupid ankle up a tower to her bedroom.
She shrugs off her sweaty, dirt-ridden clothes and shoes, and throws them in one corner, picking a shower that already houses soap, careful to put all her weight on one foot. The curtain draws around her in a u-shape and she turns the hot water knob, the pipes whistling as the water gushes through.
It gently scalds her at first but Aqua sighs when she gets used to it, rolling her shoulders and lifting her elbow over her head to stretch. The heat is good for the muscles. She presses her fingers near her neck, where it’s tight, and massages, then bends down to cast more Heal and Ice spells onto her ankle. Grime and sand flow down her skin, losing saturation as it curls down the drain under her feet. The soap stings when it runs over her scrape. 
She can’t keep making mistakes. 
Maybe the waltz step was too much and over-complicated things.
Aqua turns the knob off after rinsing her body and listens to the water drip onto the floor. The repetitive sound is hypnotic. She’ll journal her progress when she gets to her room and make comparisons with entries from the last few weeks. 
Hopefully, she’s improving at an acceptable speed despite the injury.
Aqua tests her ankle. She can’t flex it. Stars.
What is she missing when it comes to her technique? Does she need better endurance with her pirouettes? Does she have the time to do it right before the Mark of Mastery? 
When she realizes that she needs a towel to dry off—and there’s no towel in sight—she realizes that she’s been standing there wasting the time away. The shower is the greatest and the worst place to think.
Aqua figures she could grab a towel from the storage room nearby without anyone noticing. 
She opens the curtain.
Terra is standing right there, eyes as round as oranges with a heavy bag of fertilizer in his arms. He drops it. Aqua shuts the curtain with a screech.
“I’m sorry!” she hears him yell. Through the bottom of the curtain, she sees him scalping for excess that spilled over. Whatever hits the floor is mixing into the water, making mud. He’s barefoot.
“Terra, what the stars—?” she hisses, covering herself despite the curtain (a single piece of thin fabric).
“I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were in here!”
“How is that possible?”
“Why are you standing here doing nothing?”
“Just—Terra���” She groans loudly.
There is a pause as he walks backwards. “I-I didn’t see anything.”
“Get out of here.”
His footsteps slap across the floor, a subtle splash and the smack against the tile. Aqua peeks through the curtain when it’s quiet. She’s alone with a sequence of mud heading into the castle. Aqua grabs her clothes, slipping the bare minimum on despite its filth, and treks down the hall, purposefully taking opposite directions from his trail.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Their designated table in the library is always littered with books, damaged ones exchanged for the unread when the assignment deems it. There’s an extra stack for Ven since he’s a couple of years behind. 
Aqua (carefully) enters the library (ignoring the throbbing—it will heal quickly, she tells herself). She’s cleanly dressed and re-bathed, and takes a seat at the desk while Terra and Ven babble about the nonsense of a textbook they both hate. 
Terra gives her a quick, panicked glance before turning away from her and staring hard at the book in front of him.
Ven notices. “Aqua, are you hurt?”
“I’m fine, just a sprain,” she says, suddenly clenched in the throat. What happened in the shower was nothing. No big deal. Sometimes best friends see things. So why is she, too, bordering on panic? Heat builds in her cheeks, so much that it hurts. Aqua tilts her head at an angle so her hair covers her face. 
“What’s with you two?” Ven asks and Aqua flinches. 
“Nothing, Ven,” Terra says too sternly. He bites his lip and stands too quickly. “A Heal spell isn’t enough for a sprain, what were you thinking?” he asks her without looking at her. He clears his throat loud enough to make Ven recoil, trying his best to hide how shaky his voice has become. “Excuse me,” Terra says before shuffling his feet like he’s holding his pee and disappearing.
When it’s quiet, Ven leans forward to get into Aqua’s personal space. “Okay, I know something’s up. What’s going on?” He squints. “Why is your face all red?”
“N-no reason.” Aqua opens a book. If she digs her entire face into it, it will look like she’s hiding on purpose. She lowers her chin (casually) to pretend she’s reading.
“You’re a liar.”
Aqua slams the book back down. “I do not lie, Ven.”
“Sure, you’re the definition of perfect. But you’re lying to me now.”
Aqua doesn’t know what to do. Her record is spotless. She’s a good student and a good person. She’s only ever told small, harmless white lies, about being tired when she doesn’t feel like it, or saying she isn’t hungry when she is so they don’t catch her sneaking in a brownie. But not this. 
“I’m not,” she says in the most unconvincing way.
“Fine, I’ll bug Terra about it—”
“There was,” Aqua says, her voice uneven (damn the stars), “an accident.”
Ven raises a skeptical brow. “And? How bad could that be?”
Aqua huffs and crosses her arms. It’s just Ven. Her other best friend, no judgment here. “Terra surprised me.”
Ven rolls his eyes.
“In the communal shower.”
He points and laughs at her, dropping his head in a fit and slamming a fist onto the surface of the table. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard,” he says in between gasps. “Oh, he must be suffering right now.”
Terra returns, more relaxed, carrying a wooden bowl and bandages. Still, he avoids looking Aqua in the eye.
“So…” Ven says with an obnoxious knowing to his voice and Aqua regrets everything. “Did you enjoy the view?”
Terra stares at her first, his brown skin pale. He glares at Ven with the ferocity of homicide.
Ven bursts into another shake of laughter. “Stars, don’t tell me. You’re blushing so hard.” 
At that, Aqua looks away. The thought is embarrassing and a… relief? At the same time? 
Terra doesn’t honor Ven with a reply. He trembles, forming a claw with his hand. When he waves it, the bookshelves shake. Several books zoom out and flap, hovering over Ven and hitting him on the head like crows on the attack. 
“Wait, stop, how are you doing this?” Ven shields his head with his arms, but Terra is bent on murder. Ven summons his Keyblade and cuts straight through the spine of a book. “Okay, okay, I get it!” The books glide close, ready to torpedo if necessary. Terra refuses to say anything. Ven steps away from the table, on guard. Then he smirks. He sticks his tongue out and bolts out the door. “Maybe that means you guys will finally kiss!” he yells down the hall.
Kiss.
A word as loud as a volcano erupting. 
Terra lets go of his magic and all the books drop to the floor, yet the crash is still quieter than Kiss, quieter than how hard her heart is drumming in her chest.
Without a word, Terra picks up the bowl with both of his hands and mumbles a short-lived Fire spell. It’s obvious that she’s to remove her sock and give her ankle to him. That’s the point, a turmeric and olive oil mix, gently heated to reduce inflammation. He doesn’t need to ask.
Aqua lifts her leg to remove her stocking.
Terra flinches and dramatically averts his eyes.
“It’s just a sock, Terra.”
Terra motions to look at her as a response, but stops himself. “You shouldn’t be walking on it,” he bites.
“Call me stubborn.”
“You’re stubborn.”
She fights the impulse to slap him on the back of the head. “Here.” She offers her naked leg to him.
Terra still won’t look at her, but digs two of his fingers into the mix and holds her calf with his other hand. He almost draws back from her skin. Stars, he is blushing. She is too, she can feel it, a boil in both of her cheeks, a flame building in her stomach. His fingers are warm and strong, a caress on her skin. She likes this. She has all the capability to do this herself but she doesn’t want to.
Shit.
Aqua crosses one arm over and brings her hand to her chest—her way of looking dignified as Terra rubs the solution over her ankle. She has been appreciating how broad his shoulders have gotten, how sharp his jawline is, how tall he’s grown. All things that most people would notice, surely. He’s beautiful, he’s always been.
He opens his mouth to say something.
Aqua panics. “If you dare make a comment—”
“You’ll kick me?” Terra lifts her leg higher out of spite and nearly pulls her off the chair. He takes the bandage and starts to wrap. 
Aqua stammers. How are they going to get through this?
“It was an accident, Terra.”
He freezes as though he can’t decide if he should finish the job or drop her leg. After a pause, he pitches his voice into a high octave to mimic her (badly). “Oh please, Terra, they’re just breasts. Nothing major.”
“You said—” she squeaks and covers her mouth. She shouldn’t be so naive. The heat in her cheeks bake. 
That’s fine. Best friends know lots of intimate things, especially with how long Terra and Aqua have been together. Some of her guts, though, are about to choke her esophagus. She hopes that doesn’t mean she wanted him to see anything. That she’d want him to enjoy it. 
Shit. 
Terra trembles in nervous laughter, soft and quiet, staring holes into her ankle as he knots the bandage. He’s blinking too much. “You’ll need to compress cold rice on it every now and then,” he says, suddenly serious. “And rest,” he stresses like it’s a curse word.
“Terra?”
He hesitates. “Yeah?”
Footsteps approach them from behind, too graceful to be Ven’s. Terra scrambles to pick up the books, choosing the sliced one first to slip into the bookshelf so the Master doesn’t notice. Aqua straightens herself out and slips on her shoe.
“Would someone mind explaining to me the mess in the communal showers?” the Master asks as he enters, before eyeing the mess in the library. He braces his hips with his fists. “What on earth are two concoting here?”
Her cheeks burn harder. 
“Not much, sir,” Terra says, gathering a tall stack of books under his chin. “Pranking Ven. The usual.” 
The tone of his voice is too suspicious and the Master knows them too well.
“Aqua,” the Master says, “you sustained an injury.”
All she can come up with is, “Not in the prank, sir.” 
“So the mud—?”
“In the shower,” Terra says quickly, without thinking. Overcompensating for the awkwardness. He bites his lip. “I mean, she slipped when she was showering.”
“He only knows because I told him,” Aqua says and she wants to slap herself. Of course that’s how Terra would find out in any normal story. Spelling it out makes it seem like he witnessed it himself. Terra glares her a new one.
Eraqus reads her with skepticism. He folds his hands behind his back and clears his throat. “Terra, you remember the discussion we’ve had some years ago regarding certain curiosities—”
“Yes, Master.” Terra inhales sharply and coughs.
The Master smiles. He looks pleased with himself. “You may continue to clear this up. And if you would please, keep the mischief at a minimum. It would be a great distraction from your work.”
Terra grits his teeth and Aqua lowers her eyes. “Yes, Master,” they both say slowly, like they’re about to step on hot coal. 
When the Master leaves, Terra drops books onto the table. He’s finally looking at her, his eyes such a striking depth. It suddenly melts her away. Why so sudden though? He’s always had dark eyes. 
Oh. She’s taken him for granted. Now she sees.
“What was that?” he whispers.
Aqua scoffs. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”
He shakes his head. “I never want to have that kind of conversation with the Master ever again.” 
“At least let me help you,” Aqua says, nodding over to the last gathering of books on the floor.
“I’m not letting you stand on that foot.” He bends over to do the work himself.
“Then I’ll help you clean out the mud.”
Terra puts away the last handful of books, and chuckles to himself. “How do you want to get there? Crutches?”
“No, thank you.”
“Well, I either carry you in my arms or I fling you over my shoulder.”
Aqua needs to find a spell to hide the blushing. It aches. “What an obnoxious suggestion.”
“Then I’ll leave you here in the library.”
“No.”
Terra snorts. “Okay.” He hooks an arm under her knees and lifts the rest of her body like she’s a hollow ragdoll. So close to him, Aqua can feel the grooves of his muscle, his chest durable and broad. She wonders if he enjoys holding her this close, too. 
“I am really sorry,” he says as he takes her back towards the showers, passing by the open entrance to that gym, padded for wrestling. It’s not one they use often, since most of their training happens towards the front entrance. “I was on my way to take care of the squash. It was a dumb accident.”
“It’s okay,” Aqua says. She’s resting her head on his shoulder, staring at the way his neck moves when he speaks. Here, they don’t have to look at each other. “It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Yeah.” He sounds almost disappointed, if not relieved. “Glad we sorted that out, right?”
“Definitely.” She wraps her arms around his neck tighter. 
“What were you doing?”
“Pushing myself too hard.” Aqua scoffs.
“Typical Aqua.”
At the way he says that—mock-cocky, snivelish, playful—she blushes. He hasn’t changed since they were little, but it’s a side to him that only she and Ven sees.
There’s a lot to him that he only shows her.
They reach the storage room where the mop and towels would be stored, but he doesn’t enter. “We really need to install a door here,” he says. They reach the communal showers, and he bypasses them too. Terra finally settles her down on the terrace outside.
“Stay here, I’ll be back.”
“No, wait, I’m helping you—”
“Not with that foot, you’re nuts.”
“You can’t stop me from crawling back inside.”
“Then I’ll drag you back out.” He smirks, almost like he’s his old self but not quite. His old self isn’t this adamant. It makes her think that there’s something he isn’t saying, that maybe she’s misreading him, stuck between doing his duty to help her and needing time away from her. That he’s hiding it all behind a joke, and she has to let him go.
“Okay.” She crosses her arms. 
“Rest isn’t terrible for you,” he says as he walks away. 
Aqua stares at dry dirt. Down this path are the flower and vegetable gardens, contained by a fence. Beyond is the trail that leads right to the spot where she started this ridiculous ordeal. If only she didn’t trip. She’s been training for years. She’s too skilled to be having accidents, too far in her studies to think this hard about her feelings for Terra.
Too far in her studies and too mature to keep denying that she wants him to look at her. She does.
She gets tapped on the head. 
“Wait here,” Terra says, heading towards the gardens, barely giving her a glance.
Aqua anchors her elbows onto her thighs and drops her chin into her hands. A sudden thought invades her mind: he’ll come back from whatever chore he has to finish here, take her to her room, and now that everything is said and done, they’ll pretend like none of this has happened.
And that is that. A weird day finished, a blip in history.
Terra comes back into view faster than she anticipated, holding a bouquet of orange and blue flowers in his hand. 
Aqua uses the wall to pull herself up, keeping most of her weight on the good foot. “What’s this?”
Terra opens his mouth to speak, and leaves it there. He licks his lips and offers the flowers. “Um…” He scoffs. “I’m bad at this.”
They smell nice. Roses and bluestars. They must be his way to apologize. “They’re beautiful.”
“Um…” He clears his throat, rubbing something raw at the back of his neck. “Would you like to, uh…” He glances at the ground beneath him, summoning the courage to look at her and speak clearly, overusing his hands to demonstrate. “There’s actually a really pretty cave nearby, full of crystals and minerals. It’s spectacular, and I’ve always wanted to take you to see it.” He blushes, swallowing. “Um, when you feel better, would you like to come see it with me? Spend the night, I mean?” He blushes harder, scoffing. “It’s a nice hike and it’s a great camping spot.”
Aqua squeezes the stems of the flowers and her heart hammers too hard to find her voice. “That sounds…” She exhales. “Nice.” She almost asks for permission—from who, she doesn’t know. Terra is asking her. She’s asking herself. “Yes, I’d love to.” She hopes to the stars she’s blushing less than him. 
Terra has no answer except for a nervous giggle, his eyes gleaming. He leans forward and kisses her on the cheek, whipping himself back with a hand to his face like he’s committed the worst sin in the world. 
It’s warm where he left his lips. Aqua touches it with her fingers.
Embarrassed laughter sputters out of Terra’s mouth with many unnecessary apologies.
Aqua smiles, and it comforts him. “Can you take me back inside?” she asks, that smile twisting her cheeks. It hurts so good.
“Sure,” he breathes. “Anywhere you want.”
They exchange rogue giggles and excited glances as he carries her. They talk as if nothing indeed has happened, where they avoid any mention of mischief to be had in the near future, at least for now. Maybe the stars threw her off balance this morning on purpose. Best friends. They’ve always been.
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chemicalpink · 4 years ago
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대취타 (daechwita) | Emperor!Yoongi x Reader | Part ONE
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Pairing: Emperor!Yoongi x Assassin!Reader
Words: 2.7k
Genre: Emperor AU, Historical AU (kinda), very badly written SMUT at the end, power play, angsty
Warnings: there is mention of death, killing, smut in public place, some traditional korean things may be wrong, mentions of slavery.
A/N: No thoughts, just Agust D.
Summary: You used to be an assassin, got caught and works at the palace as a servant up until you are escorted to the main palace, either to meet your inevitable destiny or for a change of plans.
OR
The one where Min Yoongi is an Emperor and is cocky and kinda of an asshole but you both get naughty nevertheless.
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4
After somewhere near to twelve months being forced to work at the Gyeongbok Palace, you have somewhat become accustomed to having both hands and feet chained while moving around the place with a sword always on the back of your head, ready to chop it off were you to do any funny business. It was no secret that there were hundreds of enslaved servants at Gyeongbok Palace that were once top tier criminals, and whilst most of them received a similar treatment, you used to come and go from your assigned place of work with half a dozen more guards than the rest. Just as you would expect it to be, seen as you were Korea’s most famous mercenary. That day, however, the sight of a hooded man completely dressed in black caught you by surprise. That was definitely new.
Your usual companion, a young royal guard named Jungkook, held your arm forcefully while he guided you through the sumptuous building where most public officials and gwageos of Korea made their home while on service. You both made your way through corridors,  sets of stairs and turned right more times than you deemed necessary just so you’d have the lesser chance of finding an exit out of wherever the man was taking you.
At least, that is what Jungkook pretended by doing so, but you were able o pick up his intentions and noticed how you had been up and down the same stairs in a matter of minutes. You also noticed how the dark-haired man was forcing you to zig-zag through different levels, even though Gyeongbok had the plainest structure inside it, just a few sets of stairs on the front and tons of long corridors inside. Truth be told, you would have been insulted if Jungkook weren’t to be that precautious. 
You both headed down a particularly long corridor where not the slightest sound could be heard except the echo of your own footsteps. Jungkook turned your way and stared, you smiled at him. He looked back to the front and grabbed your arm with more strength than before.
You took the gesture as a compliment, even though you had no idea what was the reason behind such a mystery, or why that hooded man dressed in black had exchanged a few words with the head guard before Jungkook had grabbed your arm and taken you away from your workplace by the river. After a whole day of washing who-knows-who clothes, seeing him planted there beside the other six guards you were assigned wasn’t exactly how you pictured your day to end like.
Nevertheless, you were quick to make out the exact words that were exchanged when Jungkook made himself known to the man guarding the main palace’s entrance, Jung Hoseok, captain of the royal guard. Soon enough, the sky above seemed to have darkened a thousand shades, the mountains that could be seen from the front yard seemed to have enlarged and you could have sworn that the earth had trembled under you. It had been a while since you had left yourself feel fear inside you.
You turned to look at the new hand holding your arm. The black leather from his glove, a perfect match to the rest of his attire.
You both made your way down yet another corridor and you managed to entertain yourself looking at the elegant forged sword that he carried. The gleaming pommel was shaped like an eagle in mid-flight. Realizing that you were looking at the weapon, Hoseok rested his gloved hand on the golden head of the bird. 
You had stopped for a second to consider whether you would be able to take to your advantage the lack of security and just shoot your shot at freedom, go berserk and use the captain’s weapon against himself, just like that old man that used to be in charge of you had chosen the worst day to push you roughly and ended up in a ditch. But there was far too much echo in the corridors to attack him without alerting the whole place .
Sometimes you wondered if it wouldn’t have been better to die the night you were betrayed and captured. However, while walking down endless corridors, there were already far better questions to ask yourself. Had they finally decided to behead you? It was a favourite of the emperor’s after all. Your stomach churned. After all, you were deemed relevant enough to be executed by the very own royal guard captain. But, if they were to kill you, why bother the tour around Gyeongbok’s corridors?
You finally came to a halt before some glass doors in red and gold, so thick that it was useless to try and see what was on the other side. Captain Jung Hoseok bowed lightly with his head to the other two guards that flanked the entry and they hit the ground with their spears in salute.
The captain once again grabbed you by the arm with such force you were sure he had let a bruise. He pulled you towards him, but your feet were unable to move.
“Would you prefer to remain enslaved, then?” he asked in a mocking tone
“Maybe if you’d tell me what is all of this for, I wouldn’t be so opposed to it”
“Don’t worry, it won’t be long until you find out for yourself” 
Your palms were most definitely sweating. Yes, you were about to die. It was finally time to.
The doors opened with a crushing sound and before your eyes appeared a throne room.
“Here” groaned the captain as he pushed you forward with his free hand.
Being freed from the chains that held your feet together, you tripped over yourself and your bare feet slipped on the smooth floor when you tried to pick yourself up. You turned your head back around and saw six more guards that ported the royal seal on their garments make their way inside.
Fourteen guards plus Captain Jung Hoseok.They were part of the royal family's personal guard: ruthless and lightning-fast soldiers, trained from childhood to protect the emperor with their own lives. You barely managed no to choke on your own spit. Groggy and bewildered you turned your gaze to the front. Sitting on an ornate wooden and jade throne, a handsome young man awaited. Your heart stopped when you all bowed to him. You were before the very emperor of Korea, Min Yoongi. 
Both your eyes and the emperor’s crossed paths.
Min Yoongi offered her a smirk. One that hid a twisted intention behind it but reeked of royal charisma at the same time. Sprawled on the throne, his chin was propped up in one hand and his almost white-blond hair gleamed in the dim light. He wore a black hanbok on which the royal seal embroidered in gold tones occupied almost the entire bib.
Something in his eyes, and the way they contrasted with his almost white hair, took you apart. He was painfully handsome and should be less than thirty years old.
Emperors are not supposed to be attractive. They are whiny, stupid and disgusting creatures! But he ... he ... how unfair of him to belong to royalty and be handsome at the same time.
Min Yoongi stared at your tensed body and then raised well-groomed eyebrows “I wasn’t expecting you to be so young” he supported his elbows on his thighs “i’ve heard some fascinating stores about you, How’s life now after being used to all the excess you granted yourself before?”
Cocky son of a bitch.
“I couldn’t be happier” you hummed while digging your broken nails into your palms.
“After almost a year here, it kinda seems like you are somewhat alive, how have you been able to achieve it, when life expectancy around here for slaves is barely that of a month?”
“It’s still a mystery, I have no doubt about it” You gave the emperor a seductive look and repositioned the handles as if they were lace gloves.
The emperor turned to his captain
“Such a naughty mouth she’s got, huh? And she doesn't speak like a member of the mob”
“One would hope so” you exclaimed
“Your highness” snapped Hoseok
“Huh?” 
“You must address him as ‘your highness’”
You gave him a mocking smile and then returned your attention to the emperor.
To your surprise, Min Yoongi laughed.
“You are aware that you are a slave, aren’t you? Haven’t you learnt anything from this time you’ve been serving?” he started walking towards you until he was so close that you could easily appreciate the exquisite embroidery of his hanbok and smell the aroma that he gave off, not perfume, but woody and fresh nonetheless. Yoongi smiled.
“I demand to know-” you started but Hoseok pulled you with brutal force before you could come any nearer to the emperor “I wasn’t trying to kill him, you fool!”
“I would watch my words if I were you,” Hoseok said while burning his eyes on her
“i honestly don’t think you would dare”
“Oh yeah, and why is that?” 
Yoongi strode back to the throne and sat down. His gaze shone more than ever.
You looked from one to the other and made yourself stand taller.
“Because you want something from me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have brought me all the way here. I’m not stupid, you know? It is obvious that you are here in fulfilment some type of secret mission. You are testing me to find out if I am in good physical and mental condition. I know that I am not crazy and that I am still in possession of my physical faculties. So I demand that you tell me why you have brought me here and what it is that you need from me if my destiny is not to be beheaded.”
Both men exchanged a look. Yoongi joined the fingertips of both of his hands. “I have a proposition for you”
 “I’m all ears then” 
The emperor's eyes sparkled with amusement at your insolence, but they lingered for a moment too long on your body.
Min Yoongi crossed one leg over the other.
“Leave us alone” he ordered the guards “Hoseok, stay where you are”
You turned to the emperor “So?”
Yoongi limited himself to once again sprawl on his throne “I need some help with the empire. Someone that help me solve the...more complicated cases”
“So what you need is a servant that does the dirty work for you”
“In short, yes”
“So what happens if I agree?”
“After six years of service you will be granted your freedom”
“Six!”
“Five”
Although the emperor tried to hide it, you noticed that he was tense. He wanted you to accept. He needed you to accept so desperately that he was willing to negotiate. Your eyes sparkled.
“Make it four”
“Fine” he replied “It is a deal then. But if you fail, you will be beheaded” 
“My habilities are perfectly fine. Thank you very much”
Yoongi made a gesture with his hand to Hoseok “Take her to her chamber so she can take a bath” he stared at her “You have your first work in the morning. Do not let me down, Y/N”
Every work after the first seemed almost the same, after some official research, you were sent a brief coded message to your room that contained all the information that was needed for the job, the name of the culprit plus the usual places they used to hang out.
A few seconds worth of work were all piling up to your ultimate freedom.
Even thought you were the sword behind all of those crossed out names in the Emperor’s list, you were quick to find out that Min Yoongi was by far, more entertained and playful about the blood that stained his hands than you ever were.
It was a usual day after work that you found yourself enjoying the occasional luxury of the outdoors bathhouse that Min Yoongi’s personal Harem had to offer, minus the presence of the concubines that usually strolled around the palace, the moon shining on top of your head as the steam from the hot water raised highly from the temperature shock.
“I never took you for one to enjoy the luxuries that the concubine life has to offer, Y/N” you couldn’t exactly say you were surprised to see him standing behind you, the whole place was his after all “Should have made it cleared that this place is exclusively for me and my girls to have fun in”
“Yeah? I don’t see anyone else here though” you continued your bath routine but poked open an eye to tease him, just the way you had become accustomed to do so for the past year or so, left hand covering your boobs as you turned to him “Got stood up, again?” 
“Don’t you just love to play with fire, Y/N” though you had already turned your back to him and were convinced on carrying on with your bath, the sudden apparition of two hands holding your hips in place along with the wet kisses that were being left on your right shoulder made you think twice “I think it is time for you to get burn”
His right hand easily found its way down the water and started playing with your folds, your wetness getting mixed with the hot water you both were in, his mouth never ceasing to scrape every inch of skin he could find, his temperature rising by the second and his rock hard cock against your ass.
Your knees buckled unconsciously as two of his fingers were inserted into you and started pumping rapidly and you could feel him smirk on your back.
Your hand was quick to found his cock and pump it a few times a little too roughly “You know” you murmured as you turned to face him, making his hand drop from inside you as you watched his face contorted in pleasure “I don’t think it is fair of you, your highness” you could feel his thighs tensing as you kept on pumping him “to jump on a girl like that” you got close to his ear, grasping it between your teeth “I thought you said I was gonna get burned, what happened then?”
Something snapped inside him that made him slam you to the side of the pool while taking both your hands inside one of his own, having you bent over, his cock grazing your exposed pussy underwater. From behind you, Yoongi slowly teased you. You both moaned loudly, not caring if any guard that may have been in a nocturnal shift might hear you. 
Yoongi chuckled, knowing him, probably about to make a witty remark but you clenched your walls around him “F-fuck,” He moaned, his eyes squeezed tight, “You feel so good around my cock, so wet.”
There was no use denying that you felt so satisfied as Yoongi’s hips pressed into you, his cock buried deep inside you. Something you were trying so hard to conceal of not having dreamt about it before in the past year or so, pretend not have touched yourself to the thought of the Emperor wrecking you the way he did to his official concubines.
Yoongi’s cock twitched inside you. You felt your orgasm building within you, burning brightly. You threw yourself back, trying to prolong the sensation, rolling your hips.
“I don’t think I’ll last much longer” Yoongi said behind you and you shook your hips teasingly, while turning your head with a coy smile “argh you’re such a bitch” He moaned loudly once again “But two can play that game”
The hand he had rested on your hips to keep his pace was soon to find your clit, pinching it, rolling it and driving you to the edge until it suddenly stopped, followed by the heat that erupted from within you when Yoongi cummed inside you, his hand releasing yours from his hold and slapping your ass as he laughed “Such a good girl but I have an early morning tomorrow” 
“Min Yoongi, you son of a-” 
“Later, Y/N!” he said, grinning widely as he exited the bathhouse. 
1K notes · View notes
novantinuum · 4 years ago
Link
Fandom: Steven Universe
Rating: Teen Audiences
Words: 6.3K~
Summary: In another world, he doesn’t have his mother’s sword or shield to hide behind when Bismuth lands her strike. The bubble pops.
Steven falls apart.
Chapter summary: In which freedom is a future worth fighting for.
Finally finished this chapter, yay! I promise I throw canon off a ravine entirely next chapter, I just needed to set up some stuff. Hopefully the Ruby POV makes things somewhat fresh.
If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3. Thank you! <3
____
Chapter 13: system/REBOOT, Part 1
The whole mission is Garnet’s idea. 
By this point, they’ve known about Homeworld’s rushed Beta Kindergarten project for about fifty years. Frankly, its composition leaves much to be desired. The area is rich in the iron and silicon deposits necessary to produce a strong batch of quartzes, but the foundation they incubated all their new soldiers within is red clay cemented sandstone; it’s soft, and in constant danger of erosion. According to all the rebellion’s peridots, many of them top Homeworld kindergarteners before their eventual defection, this type of stone is critically unfit for Gem production. It can’t compress the inclusions of injector fluid at the correct pressure, can’t reliably bar the excess from draining through the porous material. As a result many of the individually incubated sites are predicted to ‘weep’ and lose critical volume, which will inevitably cause the emergent quartzes to be ‘off-color’ in some fashion. Some may be under regulation height, some may exhibit crystal twinning, some may be incapable of standard abilities like shapeshifting or weapon summoning, so on and so forth.
As a fellow off-color herself, Garnet carries a deep empathy for all those who are forsaken and unwanted. She can foresee the dire fate of these Beta Gems creeping over the dawning horizon even without the benefit of future vision, can foresee that despite all of these soldiers’ loyal programming, they’re ultimately cursed to be eliminated within the cruel machine of Homeworld. One day beyond the battlefield, the so-called Great Diamond Authority will see no further use in their existence, and then they’ll be purged. Harvested for scrap. Trapped within a myriad of Gem-powered objects. Crushed and used within their drop ships for fuel. 
It’s pure tyranny. 
Thus, she refuses to let their cruelty stand without a just fight. They have to give these Gems a chance beyond Homeworld’s rule, because abandoning them would be abandoning everything that their brave rebellion stands for, that she stands for. She refuses to stand powerless and idle in the face of a Diamond’s commands like the Sapphire and Ruby she once was, refuses to let another tragedy slip by without at least attempting to mend its damage. She is Garnet, she is freedom, and she is love.
And deep within her core, she believes these soon-to-emerge soldiers deserve the same opportunity for renewal and hope as any other Crystal Gem.
 __
For all Ruby’s aware, a whole geological era could have passed between that fateful moment she first set eyes on Jasper and the shards-late arrival of Amethyst and the others. All three of them duck behind the low rock formations she’s hiding in the shade of, Steven still breathing heavily from the no-doubt harried and concerned exertion of their sprint towards her. Hard light coursing from the gem in her palm to all other extremities at random intervals amidst crackling cinders of immobilizing terror, (she’s almost surprised her form isn’t flickering at this point), she desperately attempts to babble an explanation. She’ll admit— it’s not a particularly coherent one. Ask her mere minutes later, and there’s little chance she’ll be able to repeat what she said. Heck, she’s not confident about her words now, in the heat of the moment. It’s probably something about holes, something about injector scrap, about all those Gem monsters, a-and—
"Whoa, what the heck!” Amethyst blessedly interrupts, raising her head above the rocks and pointing across the clearing at the orange and red striped quartz diligently prowling the area like a true squadron leader. “Jasper’s here, too? Did everyone decide to skip on over to Beta today, or somethin’?!”
Peridot’s face scrunches in confusion as she regards her former mission partner.  “What is she doing?”
“She’s got all those corrupted Gems in cages,” Steven murmurs with realization, a tiny spark of outrage lighting up behind his eyes on those creatures’ behalf. “They’re not even bubbled, they’re just… trapped, and scared!”
Ruby brings her fist to her mouth, nervously nibbling at her fingers for a moment to anchor herself back to this present. Above all else, ignoring every thread of trepidation and insecurity she bears, there’s one burning question that pulses at her core with an unmatched luminosity about this whole scenario:
“B-but why would she want so many corrupted Gems in the first place? Doesn’t she know she can’t tame them?”
The purple quartz growls, the fringe of her hair casting a dark and menacing shadow over her features as she tilts her head down and glares at her self-proclaimed rival. “I don’t think she knows nothin’.”
And as— instinctively, mistakenly, running off of over five thousand years of deep engrained habit— she attempts to open her third eye towards the winding tributaries of potential futures they may soon find themselves wading through and fails, it slowly dawns on her just how isolated and lost they all are, without Sapphire’s sight. Without her love.
“Neither do I…” she says softly, her stature shrinking in the throes of that suffocating inadequacy. Riding an abrupt wave of frustration, she slams her foot into the coarse dirt, gripping thick chunks of her coily hair between her fingers. “Aughhh, this is a terrible time to not have future vision!” she huffs, spitting out each word staccato.
“Pipe down!” Jasper hollers at the poor corrupted Gem cornered in the distance as she kicks one of the bars of its cage, her booming voice easily reverberating off the cliffs’ curvature.
All four of them can’t help but bite back their gasps upon this clamoring startle. Peeking her head just above the rim of the rocky outcropping, Ruby watches the fur covered quartz visibly shrink back at the soldier’s command. Jasper continues, her unwavering act of confidence currently undeterred by this reaction. 
“You take orders from me now. You used to be a quartz too, didn’t you? What happened to you?”
Utterly failing to comprehend any of her words in this vulnerable, animalistic state, the corrupted Gem merely snaps its fangs at the bars, and then tilts its head sideways to begin chewing on one of them. Jasper scoffs, her lips rising in a mild sneer. Taking the risk to edge closer, she continues to verbally berate the poor thing, talking the same sort of smack Ruby’s former Homeworld commanding officer, Condor Agate, used to dish out. Ruby grinds her teeth together so hard as she watches this display that the pressure and heat alone might be enough to form a brand new batch of Gems. Jasper even finds a moment to rope Amethyst into her insults, which almost has the stone in question summoning her whip in pure unfiltered fury. It’s only Steven and Peridot’s quick clutch on her shoulders that holds her back from steamrolling into the clearing with zero preparation and potentially making a terrible mistake. Still, she’s gotta admit, the temptation to whoop this Homeworld brute’s butt right this minute is devilishly hard to resist.
Ruby growls, one of her gauntlets emerging into existence on her clenched fist with a burst of light. “Oh-hoh, do I wanna launch this baby right into her dumb, chalky face…!”
“But maybe first we should go back to the temple and grab reinforcements?” Peridot whispers hastily, whirling around to face her. Panic visibly tightens its grip on her form with each passing second. 
She pauses a moment to let the logic of this suggestion sink in, gaze hardened, and self-consciously aware of how her fellow Gems are (wrongfully) looking towards her as their leader in this chaos. What options do they even have? They can choose to fight, that’s one. They could disengage. They could retreat to Beach City and seek backup. If they were truly desperate, they could surrender. (Although she’s not confident Jasper would gracefully accept anyone’s defeat, not until it ended with their poofed— maybe even shattered— gemstones littering the coarse sand.)
As the gears are still pirouetting in her mind, she turns towards Steven, who nods in vehement agreement of Peridot’s strategy, his mouth stretched thin.
Sighing with frustration, she loosens her grip, recalling how even Garnet was barely able to match up with Jasper’s might. “Yeah, you’re right. She’d beat us into the dirt without Pearl or Sapphire.”
“Okay, so far we got three votes for retreat,” he says, holding up the appropriate number of digits as a visual. “Amethyst?”
In sync, the trio turn towards where the quartz just stood and find nothing but faint granules of recently upended dust filtering through a beam of sunlight. Both Peridot and Steven let out a fearful squeak at her absence.
“W-where is she?” the former Homeworld technician cries, craning her neck over the top of the rock formation to try and secure a visual.
“Up there!” Steven exclaims under his breath, pointing at a ridge a good ten feet above them that crosses from the arched entrance of this natural amphitheater all the way to the other side where Jasper stands, her back still turned to them.
Following the path of his index finger, Ruby catches a flash of purple, black and lavender stealthily advancing along the narrow rim towards the very soldier who reportedly poofed her with a single strike about a week back. The light sustaining her form nearly drains from all her limbs and rushes back to her gem. 
“Oh, shards no…”
Stars above, what the hell is her problem? she thinks, her mind riding in a narrow track between exacerbated vexation and dread. Does she have a death wish, or something?? Surely the last place a rational person would choose to run is directly into the arms of the Gem who clobbered them into a senseless cloud at their last meeting. Surely a rational person would instead choose to retreat and regroup. However, as she glumly reflects upon the dour happenings of the past few days, Amethyst’s actions prove she’s currently unable to think rationally about Jasper or any other kind of conflict. She’s been markedly sullen at everyone around her ever since she first got her butt whooped. Obsessed with her private training sprees. Emotionally stand-offish. Prone to making rash decisions, like letting her mouth run off at poor hapless Steven about matters that aren’t his fault, or slashing her whip right at people’s feet to push them away, or… or rushing directly towards Jasper in an enclosed space with little to no backup just because she’s desperate to show her up for the sake of her own self-worth, or whatever.
And Ruby gets it, to an extent. She understands how cripplingly powerless it can feel to be written off as ‘the weak one,’ as nothing but an expendable. She understands the vivid temptation to let one’s anger drive such antagonistic confrontations. However, she’d also like to believe that she carries enough self respect in this gem to not throw herself right on an enemy’s anvil. Whether or not Amethyst possesses the same level of restraint is another question entirely. She flexes nervous, twitchy fingers at her side as she watches her dear friend creep further along the rim, ever closer to what she fears will be her unquestionable demise. 
With the corrupted Gem’s racket still occupying Jasper’s undivided attention, Amethyst leaps from the cliff’s edge and into the clearing, pulling her whip from her gem in midair. The moment her toes touch the ground again, she slashes its barbed ends at the bars of the cage, right next to the quartz soldier’s hand. Jasper yanks her digits back. Her entire body snaps tense upon this disruption. Watching from behind their rocky cover, Ruby, Steven, and Peridot bite back the urge to gasp in shock. 
“HEY!” Amethyst yells, lowering on her haunches right behind her opponent. 
Now, there’s obviously no way to prove it without somehow obtaining intimate knowledge of her headspace, but upon external observation, Ruby swears that this big, buff Beta Kindergarten quartz is masking surprise. The sentiment is visible in the alignment of her shoulders, lifted high and tight against her neck. It’s visible in her narrow stance, light years away from the proper form of a soldier expecting battle. Flexing her thick, dexterous fingers at her side, she makes a blatant show of puffing out her chest before she turns to face her challenger, an almost predatory smile curving upwards on her lips as she regards her.
“You back away from her,” Amethyst hisses, nodding towards the Gem in the cage.
Jasper lets out a hearty chuckle. “Oh-hoh, what do we have here? You finally decide to crawl back for a rematch, runt?”
She grits her teeth, tightening her fist around the pommel of her weapon. “That’s right. I’m back, and I’mma wipe you all over these cliffs!”
“Perfect,” her opponent practically purrs, cracking her knuckles in anticipation. “I’ve been needing a light warmup.”
 __
Rose approves her mission without question, when she first brings her the idea. Of course she would, in retrospect— the hidden diamond she was. 
Garnet takes forty of her fellow soldiers and friends with her to the Beta Kindergarten. They don’t wield any weapons. These Gems are brand new, stepping into the light for the very first time. There’s no need to threaten them; all she wants is to peacefully talk, to introduce them to the concept of freedom, of choosing their own path beyond the Diamonds’ rule. 
At the time, all she wanted was to follow her beloved leader’s example and choose peace and harmony over subjugation and brutality.
But with the bitter truths they know now, and reflecting upon the horrid atrocities they themselves participated in amidst the war… despite Rose’s self-proclaimed ‘pacifism,’ despite the shaky justifications of their cause being different than Homeworld’s brand of violence... she’s increasingly unsure if any of them ever had a choice.
 __
Tragically, it only takes mere seconds for the initial triumphant beats of Amethyst’s war against Jasper to devolve into a one-sided thrashing. 
With a mighty, almost frenzied yell, Amethyst moves one foot forward for counterbalance and slings the weighted, barbed tip of her weapon directly at her opponent’s face. Jasper catches it midair, mere inches from her gem. An arrogant smile paints her visage. After winding the whip’s end around her hand, she yanks its user towards her with a snap of her wrist, swings her in a wide arc, and effortlessly slams her into the nearest cliff wall, blowing up a huge plume of pulverized rock and dust. It all happens so fast that the rest of the party barely has any time to react. As the rubble settles, Ruby finally spots her friend amidst the chaos, collapsed on hands and knees in the dirt. The poor Gem’s hands are nearly trembling as she vies to rise to her feet again, vies to stand her ground and keep fighting. 
There’s only one thing she knows for sure, watching all this: if hard light were consumable rather than indelible, she would quite literally be chipping away at her knuckles with her teeth by now.
His expression blown wide with fear, Steven breaks their communal silence to holler Amethyst’s name. Hands flexing in and out of fists, he darts away from their hiding spot. And they tried to stop him, they really did— it’s simply that he’s far too nimble for either of them to catch in time.
“Steven!” Peridot cries, trying and failing to grab his hand to hold him back.
“Steven, no!” Ruby yells, arms outstretched, as he sprints into the clearing— entirely blowing any remaining amount of cover the three of them had, placing his gem at Jasper’s mercy, and causing a thousand living nightmares to flood into her consciousness in but a millisecond. “Come back!!”
“Wait! Wait,” he gasps, waving his arms wildly to catch the larger quartz’s attention as he passes into the center of this natural coliseum, firmly planting himself at Amethyst’s side. “Stop! We don’t need to do this!”
Giving a growl that would rival that of a corrupted Gem’s, Ruby clenches her fingers around thick coils of her hair at either side of her head and yanks. “Aughh, why does nobody listen to me when I’m short??” 
A faint trail of glowing embers marks a record of her path as she leaves Peridot by their rocky outcropping and storms right into the open after him. Oh, hoh, hoh— that boy can disobey her clear, simple orders all he wants, but in his folly he’s forgetting one very important fact: rubies are stubborn Gems. And she’ll fight to protect him from the crossfire of Jasper’s hubris and Amethyst’s self-destruction even if that means braving her deepest terrors to run out there and drag him back to safety herself.
(Ideally, she’d be able to drag Amethyst with her out of the thunderdome as well, but she’s also quite the stubborn one. So try as she may, that’s not likely to happen.)
Ruby strides towards the middle of the clearing and defiantly plants her feet in the sterile soil right in front of Steven, and adjacent to Amethyst. She summons her gauntlets, her features twisting in a scowl. “Stand down and let them go!” she shouts up at that bulky orange quartz with all the Garnet-like confidence she can muster. “This is not a Homeworld controlled planet!”
“Steven, Ruby, get out of here!” Amethyst hisses under her breath, her battle-ready stance solidifying with a strange mixture of apprehension and anger as she regards the two of them.
“No!” she shoots back, tugging at her arm. “Come on, you know I can’t just leave you here.”
Jasper’s molten amber eyes narrow, her steely gaze colliding right into her.
“ You,” she says, enunciated as sharp as a dagger. “One half of that vile war machine.”
“War machine?!” Steven cries, distraught by the very implication. “She’s not a war machine! Garnet fuses for love!”
“Yeah!” Ruby jabs her fist in the air loud and proud.
The Homeworld warrior scoffs, seemingly not impressed by their display of solidarity. She folds her arms solid across the Yellow Diamond insignia emblazoned upon her chest and steps closer to address her directly. “And where’s this love now?” she spits, mockingly stooping to her level.
And despite the faint, triumphant memories of her last incursion with this quartz, (well… Garnet’s last incursion), she can’t help but cower in her presence, can’t help but crumble like the deficient sandstone of this very kindergarten under the cruel, personalized precision of her blunt words. Because... she’s right. Because that’s the whole problem, the pulsing heart of life’s cruel game. Fusion offered her a tantalizing taste of freedom, a glimpse of a reality where, together, a lowly guard and her sapphire could achieve literally anything through the strength of their love!— but that world feels like nothing more but an unobtainable mirage now. She’s absolutely useless on her own, just some pathetic waste of resources! No authority, no power, no wisdom of foresight— she brings nothing to the Crystal Gems’ cause. She never did. It was always her. Tears bead at her widening eyes, her gauntleted fists already beginning to tremble at her sides. 
“I-I…”
“Where’s any of your power now?” Jasper continues as she raises back to her full height, lifting both open hands towards the empty, cloud-streaked skies. She throws her head back as she offers them all a bright, boastful chuckle. “To think I used to view you traitors as a threat, but now even your disgraceful cause is falling apart, isn’t it… Rose?”
Still standing a step behind her, Steven’s immediate reply brims with tones of frustration. “I’m not—“
“But you’re wrong!” a high, familiar voice urgently calls out from behind them all. 
This whole messy confrontation breaks to a halt as everyone turns to gape at the lone Gem poking her head out above the rocky outcropping. Peridot gasps at the sudden influx of attention, and hastily ducks for cover again. 
“What are YOU doing here?” Jasper growls with annoyance, grinding one of her feet in the dirt as if inwardly hoping she could shift the very earth they stand on and finally gain the advantage of surprise once more.
“I-I…” the green Gem stammers, slowly creeping out from her hiding spot, summoning newfound confidence as she lays her eyes on each and every one of her friends. “I’m here because our cause hasn’t fallen apart! We live on Earth to be free, to learn new things about ourselves. Like how I can bend metal to my bidding!” she exclaims, tossing enthusiastic fists into the air.
On the cliff face over twenty feet away, a skinny length of metal from one of the injector’s legs slips from the device, falls straight down, and noisily clatters as it collides against the rocky soil. Amethyst facepalms. Meanwhile, Jasper appears so underwhelmed by this display that in any other circumstance, her glazed-over expression could be comedic.
Peridot briefly scowls at her botched handiwork. “And sure,” she shrugs, nodding towards that shard of metal, “nothing’s ever perfect here, but together, we work to help and support each other, just like we’re supporting Amethyst now. Isn’t that freedom worth fighting for?”
A few beats pass as the heart of this proclamation sinks in, the ticking seconds seeing Steven beam in pride at his friend’s progression since the beginning of her stay on Earth, and Jasper’s features scrunch inwards in an almost sour manner. Between the stifling roots of her own despair, even Ruby herself can’t help but feel a little uplifted by this hopeful sentiment. It’s a well-timed salve to an old burn, a naive yet ultimately truthful promise of lighthearted days to come. After all, hasn’t her time as a Crystal Gem taught her by now that no circumstance is permanent? That a single unifying cause can collapse empires like a wildfire, can continually reshape one’s entire understanding of existence? Her gauntleted hands shift at her side as a new spark of timid confidence ignites at her core. What was she thinking, letting this brute of a quartz tower over her and define the very pillars of her own story? She’s better than this. For the very sake of her friends she has to be!
But alas, before this newfound bravery can see its hour of triumph on this secluded battlefield, she finds herself once again cast aside by one of the very friends she’s vying to protect.
Amethyst growls in frustration at their continued presence, and summons her weapon. “UGH, you GUYS!” She slashes its barbed tips against the cliff face right above Peridot, not close enough to hit her, but certainly with enough force that it spooks her into diving behind the low rock formation again. Scowling, she then turns and plucks an actively protesting Steven right off the ground. “Get out of here!” she yells, tossing him back towards the clearing’s entrance. “This isn’t your fight!”
Ruby gives a sharp yelp as she just barely leaps backwards to dodge the business end of her whip, swinging low in a vain attempt to tangle up her feet. “Hey—!”
“It’s just you and me, Jasper,” the purple quartz breathes heavily, and abruptly whirls around to jab her finger towards her opponent. “ONE-ON-ONE!”
Silently, a consenting smirk riding over her lips, the taller Gem summons her ramming helmet in a glittering flash of light.
 __
The mission is— in the terms of the brave humans they sometimes fight alongside— a bloodbath. 
When they first warped in, Garnet only expected to find a small handful of disoriented jaspers, citrines, and carnelians roaming about. Gems they could talk to. Gems they could reason with, just as Rose reasoned with her fellow quartzes at the very start of this bold rebellion. Instead, what emerges soon after their arrival is more shocking and unpredictable than any future Garnet could’ve ever visualized.
Bursting from the very heart of this slapdash, rushed Kindergarten, despite every single locational and structural disadvantage this place stacks against one’s favor, is Her.
The strongest, most perfectly formed jasper she’s ever laid eyes on. She’s seven feet tall, built as solid as diamond, her flawlessly faceted gemstone gleaming bright and proud in the rising sun. She wastes no time in following the miserable orders the Great Diamond Authority cruelly embedded deep within her soul, immediately calling the hundreds of scattered and confused off-color Gems surrounding her to action.
Garnet and her squadron simply don’t have enough time to intervene, to try and settle this skirmish halfway peacefully. They don’t have the numbers. 
Twenty three Crystal Gems are shattered that day. Numerous more on both sides are cracked or poofed.
And yet one of the greatest tragedies, in her mind… is that these emergent Gems never got the proper chance to consider any purpose beyond their assigned station. Never got a chance to glimpse the promise of their own freedom. 
Everything happened so fast. 
She took this place for granted— thanks to her own preconceived notions about the kinds of Gems that could emerge here, utterly failed to foresee this potential turn of events— and in the end it cost lives. Both those of her fellow Crystal Gems, her friends … and those of the Beta quartzes she failed to save from Homeworld’s damaging influence.
That night, as she bitterly weeps for the recovered shards of the beloved they lost, clenches her gauntleted fists tight around her gemstones, she vows to never let such a harrowing tragedy escape her vision again. No more.
A leader like her is not allowed to fail.
 __
With the mighty roar of a lion, Amethyst stamps her leading foot to the ground to center her balance and rears her weapon-wielding arm back, wholly intending to defend her pride from this boorish bully. The first and second slashes are fruitful, one striking Jasper in the face, and the next hitting her chest with such intense force that it slams her into the cliff wall a few feet back, but Ruby can’t help but dread the litany of unknown possibilities haunting their future as she watches, powerless in her lack of second sight to influence their present. Could Amethyst win this fight? Sure. There’s gotta be at least one river of time where that occurs, where Jasper is so wrapped up within that facade of insufferable hubris that she fails to take her seriously as an opponent and pays the price. But on the other hand, she senses so many chinks in Amethyst’s armor that she can’t help but fear the opposite. She’s blinded by her anger, unable to consider consequence rationally. Her form in battle— compared to her usual performance— is notably sloppy, as if she’s throwing herself at this fight with such an explosion of tangled, raw emotion that her years of training and refinement have all but melted away in the inferno. Her fingers are trembling as she tightens her grasp on the whip’s pommel.
All of this stated, Ruby may not possess the gift of Sapphire’s future vision, but she has more than enough experience on patrol and on the battlefield to recognize a soldier who is woefully unprepared for a fight. Something terrible is about to happen, she can just feel it.
“Be careful!!” she cries, cupping her hands around her mouth.
“It’s fine, she’s totally rocking this!” Steven says with a huge grin, seeming uncharacteristically calm, given the circumstances. He whoops, and punches his fist in the air. “Go Amethyst!”
Ruby and Peridot briefly match eyes, the noted concern in their gazes pointing towards the fact that they both think that Amethyst’s insistence to fight is reckless and naive. In retrospect, of course her friend would agree with her. She spent a lot of time cohabiting with Jasper on their journey to Earth, so she’s bound to be well aware of her fundamental nature.
At the moment however, given the shorter quartz’s tunnel vision, she’s certain that any of their valid concerns would fall upon deaf ears. 
“Who’s weak now, huh?” Amethyst spits from across the clearing, flicking her wrist to activate the triplet spiked balls at the ends of her whip, an upgrade gifted by Bismuth she surprisingly hasn’t seemed to have abandoned. With a holler, she swings her leading arm back and around to build up momentum and then slashes at Jasper’s chest three times in succession. The last hit comes with enough force to push her backwards in the dirt a few feet. “Who’s powerless NOW?!”
Then, just as Ruby fearfully predicted, the winds shift. 
The firestorm doubles back upon them, Jasper merely swatting the flail ends away like they were nothing more but a momentary nuisance. Her expression narrows into a scowl. Emergent shock mingles alongside the dark cloud of Amethyst’s anger like wayward lightning bolts as she growls in frustration, the side-swept fringe of her hair shadowing her features. In retaliation she summons a second whip and immediately slashes them both against the soil, endowing them with a crackling, purple-tinged energy, almost a fire of her own making. She tucks into a ball and literally hurls herself at the quartz warrior, her form only recognizable in the heat of that moment via a dazzling blaze of light.
The resulting collision throws up so much dirt and smoke that Ruby has to throw her small body in front of Steven’s to shield him from the worst of the debris. 
When the thick curtains of dust finally part, the consequences of this overly-impulsive move are revealed. Jasper still stands proud and tall, her mettle unaffected by this attempted show of strength. Barely a scuff even marrs her uniform. Meanwhile, Amethyst lays hunched over on hands and knees, hacking up fragmented remnants of sandstone she likely swallowed amidst the impact. (Alas, that’s the price she pays for choosing to always reform with an semi-operational digestive system.)
“Is it sinking in yet?” Jasper queries pointedly, advancing towards the trembling Gem on the ground.
Amethyst is so exhausted she can’t even muster the strength to respond, her arms quivering beneath her as she vies to hold up the simulated weight of her hard light form.
Her foe roughly kicks her in the chest, her foot striking mere inches under her gem. Ruby visibly cringes at both the shallow huff of distress that this hit elicits from her, and Steven’s cries of fear in response. 
“It doesn’t matter how long or hard you fight,” Jasper boasts, her imposing figure hovering like a bad omen over her quartz sibling’s, “because I’ll always be stronger! Runts like you never had a chance. Runts like you are worthless.”
Angrily, she grinds her teeth together, cradling the vulnerable gemstone on her hand. 
Worthless.
Worthless.
Who the hell does this square hunk of stone think she is, slinging such heavy-handed words around like the blunt end of a mallet?
“Get your worthless, sorry forms back in formation!” wretched old Condor Agate used to scream at her and the others in her squad, back when she spent eternity guarding empty corridors, back before she was eventually reassigned to Sapphire’s personal guard. “You’re an embarrassment to your commanding agates, all of you!”
Ruby growls, finding her resolve. That’s it. No more. She can’t bear to stand at the sidelines gripped in fear while some bully is literally beating her friend into the ground, both physically and emotionally. She can’t bear for Amethyst to fall prey to the same type of unwavering torment she herself experienced all those years ago on Homeworld, torment that utterly deformed her sense of self-worth until recognizing any ounce of good in herself became a gargantuan, near-impossible task. Admittedly, she still hasn’t healed from those days. Not entirely. Sometimes she’s unsure she ever will. But it’s her duty to put an end to this, to what’s happening in the here and now. After all, what’s the point of being a Crystal Gem if you don’t look after the people you love?
“We have to separate them,” she says firmly, turning towards Steven and Peridot. “She’s gonna get clobbered!”
The former kindergartener’s expression warps to despair under her visor. “But how? She doesn’t even want us to be here! And none of us are strong enough to face Jasper…”
“Could we make a distraction?” Steven suggests, his voice tinged with the same sort of urgency she feels thrumming like a frantic drum line at the depths of her core.
Humming in thought, Ruby considers the status quo. To no success, she attempts to ignore her friends’ expectant gazes, trustingly falling upon her exactly like all those fellow rebellion soldiers used to look at Garnet… as their de facto leader. But she’s no leader, far from it. Garnet would barely have to think before coming up with a genius, foolproof plan, but she’s going into everything blind. She can’t weigh out potential consequences before rushing into action. She has no ability to pinpoint the most ideal outcome and work backwards from there. With all this in mind, it’s really no wonder that Garnet passed command of the group to Pearl instead of her. At least Pearl has experience leading missions solo.
And yet desperate times call for desperate measures.
She scans their surroundings for inspiration, considering what options may be open to them. At this point there’s no time to double back to the barn or the temple for reinforcements. (And she strongly doubts Lapis would care to so much as match eyes with Jasper, anyways.) One or more of them could always charge into the fray to attempt and break up this small skirmish by force, but that would risk their safety, too. The last thing she wants is to knowingly throw her friends into harm’s way. No, the best option would be breaking the two quartzes up using something in their immediate environment, something large and heavy but capable of being quickly moved, something like...
Her eyes snap wide. “That injector!” she whispers excitedly, pointing to the hulking piece of junked equipment precariously hanging from the cliff wall, only stabilized by a few legs that still penetrate the cracked sandstone. “It’s right above them. If we knocked it down, then maybe…”
Peridot flashes a hopeful smile, and nods.
“We’re on it,” Steven says, summoning his shield. The two of them glance at each other, perhaps silently coordinating their plan, and then leap into action.  
“Metal powers activate!” she exclaims, and throws her hands up in the direction of that rusted injector. 
Subtly but noticeable, its legs begin to shift and creak under the force of her ferrokinesis, loosening from the eroding stone. Licking his lips, Steven aims his weapon and hurls. It strikes the device directly at its center, clanging against solid metal. The injector wobbles for a moment, its delicate balance obviously destabilized by this force, and then begins to slide free from the porous kindergarten wall. One still-impacted leg snaps under the torque as the cylinder’s immense weight plummets towards the ground.
“Heads up!” Steven calls out, causing a bemused Jasper to flick her gaze skyward, towards the falling object staining the soil with an ever-growing shadow.
The collision of the junky old injector almost appears like a small explosion, flinging dirt a good ten feet into the air and resolutely separating the two quartzes. But Ruby barely has time to high five Peridot and celebrate their success before the kid she’s supposed to be keeping safe darts off into the clearing once more. She hisses a small curse under her breath. Drat, of course he’d run straight to Amethyst’s side again at his first opportunity! She should’ve seen that coming a whole star system away. At least Jasper’s been temporarily marooned on the other side of that busted Gem tech, though.
The real question is, for how long? 
Nibbling at her lip, she hastily sprints towards the edge of the injector to keep a watchful eye on their opponent as Steven attempts to have a mid-battlefield heart-to-heart. (At least, that’s what she assumes he’s doing. Admittedly, they kinda failed to hammer out the fine details of their plan before sprinting into action. Her fault.) Thankfully though, at first glimpse it seems the impact’s force has effortlessly knocked Jasper clear off her feet. She seems slightly dazed, but beyond that remains unscathed. Time will only tell if this strategy was a beneficial one. Briefly turning back towards the group, Ruby watches Steven crouch next to Amethyst. She’s muttering something to him, she thinks— her expression raw with fresh tears— but her words are far too hushed to make out. Whatever she shares, however, it’s clearly enough to elicit a strong emotional reaction from her companion.
“No, no!”  he pleads, hurt painting his features. “My mom- Rose, she doesn’t matter. Whatever Jasper thinks doesn’t matter. She's the only one who thinks you should be like her!”
“But-”
“Stop trying to be like Jasper. You're nothing like Jasper! You're like me!”
“But even you’re different!” she explodes at first, but any anger present in her form immediately evaporates into something more innately hesitant, more self-conscious. Her fingers claw thick troughs into the reddened soil as she curls them inwards. “I’m not like you at all, I’m not some di—”
“No, that’s not the point!” he says, tears of his own budding at the corners of his eyes. “You’re like me because we’re both not like anybody. And yeah, it sucks. Everyone always expects us to be someone we’re not, but you know what? At least I've always got you. And you've got me! So stop leaving me out of this!”
Slowly pushing herself to her feet behind the junked injector, Jasper groans, her voice strained with newfound exhaustion Ruby never imagined she possessed. 
“Y’guys, she’s getting up!” she calls out to her friends behind her, equally a warning as it is a call to action. After all, if this bold stunt finally managed to crack through the first layer of their opponent’s armor, then they might genuinely stand a chance now.
She’ll never know if they heard her, though— because in the same split second she turns back to check on them, the now embracing pair is engulfed in a blinding white light.
Even in the absence of a soldier's fire, everything turns to smoke.
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hela-avenger · 4 years ago
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To the Stars Who Listen- Part 6
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Author: hela-avenger
Word Count: 1790
Summary: When Loki desires to never fall in love, he casts a spell to prevent such a thing from happening. Except, well, in the matters of love and magic, you never know the result it may have in the end. Loki x Reader
A/N: Oh this one was fun to write. Please do enjoy the chaos of this part! Tags are open! (Send me an ask/message/response.)
TTSWL Masterlist
You walk into the kitchen quickly gravitating to the freshly brewed coffee pot. You’re not the only one awake in the early morning as Bucky and Sam are bickering from their seats on the counter. 
“I didn’t fall asleep,” Sam exclaims. “You did!” 
“No, I didn’t,” Bucky scoffs. “I was awake from the start to the very end. You’re the one who can’t hang after your early bedtime.” 
“You want to come after my bedtime?” Sam repeats. “At least I get the recommended eight hours of sleep every night. I'm a healthy individual. What do you do? You stay up all night doing God knows what and sleep in all day. You got bags under your eyes, old man!” 
Your chuckle breaks the tension in the room as you settle across from them. 
“Are you two… sleeping together?” you ask. 
“Me and him,” Bucky answers as he points at himself and Sam. “He wishes.” 
Sam looks offended.
“I’m so way out of your league and besides, you’re not my type.” 
“I’m everybody’s type,” Bucky argues. 
You roll your eyes at them wondering how you managed to end one argument just to ignite another one. 
“Guys,” you exclaim, capturing their attention immediately. “If you’re not dating, then why are you arguing about who fell asleep first?” 
Sam and Bucky share a look and you knew the answer would not be to your liking. 
“Tell me.” 
“We were just keeping an eye out for you, doll,” Bucky answers. “Loki knew what he was doing when he chose the room right in front of yours. Sam and I thought it would be for the best to station ourselves in your hallway throughout the night to make sure he doesn’t pull anything.” 
“Yeah, but then I fell asleep on my shift,” Sam sighs. “So we lost surveillance for the rest of the night.” 
“Ha! You admit it then!” Bucky exclaims. “It was your fault!” 
“Oh, come on,” Sam scoffs. “You should have had an alarm ready to take over for your shift. What’s your excuse for not waking me up?”
“Well, I snoozed my alarm,” Bucky confesses with a shrug. “I expected you to come over to wake me up but you didn’t.” 
“So what I’m hearing is that it’s both of your faults…” 
“Yes,” both answer. 
“...And that you guys invaded not only Loki’s privacy but my own for stalking my hallway the entire night...” 
“Yes.” 
“...And not only did you fail in your appointed surveillance job but you have also now severely pissed me off,” you conclude enjoying the alarmed look falling upon both of their faces. You take a sip of your coffee and hum. “I hope you know payback’s coming.” 
They continue to stare at you with mouths gaped open. 
“I know I should be afraid but I find myself very attracted to you right now.” 
“Same.” 
You stare at Bucky and Sam in surprise. 
“Did you guys mean to say that out loud?” 
Bucky scowls before you find his face turning alarmingly red. 
“I mean you’re hot when you’re mad and threatening and in charge...” 
“I think what Bucky is trying to say is that we have a thing for women in power and why did I just tell you that,” Sam stammers out. “I… Wait, are you doing your thing? Your confession thing? Oh, you are! You sneaky…” 
You frown when you realize that you were indeed doing it again. You were in control of this power inside of you but you didn’t know how to make it stop. Part of you wondered if you even wanted to. 
“I gotta go,” you interrupt as you set your mug down. “I gotta go now.” 
You don’t wait to hear their responses as you run out of the kitchen. You just wanted to make your way into your room and figure it out yourself but luck was never on your side seeing as a cheerful Wanda appeared around the corner. 
“Good morning,” Wanda greets. “Do you wanna hear a secret? Vision and I have been secretly seeing each other. No one knows!” 
You can’t hide the shock on your face and neither can Wanda as her smile drops. 
“Why did I just tell you that?” 
You don’t offer a response as you sprint out of the hallway hoping to just reach the privacy of your room. It doesn’t surprise you when you run into somebody else but you are relieved at the face you find. 
“Loki,” you sigh. “Good, great… Let’s go.” 
You take a hold of his wrist and start to lead him out of the building and away from the facility overall. You stray from the paved path and start descending down a random hill. Loki waits for his monitor to go off but nothing occurs. 
“Where are you taking me, little mortal?” Loki finally asks. “Why are we so far out?” 
“I can’t shut it off,” you exclaim as you let him go. “I was just having breakfast with my friends when they started to confess things to me. I didn’t even realize it until they were spewing things I didn’t need to know. I’m not manic like I usually am. I am in full control here and I don’t know how to turn it off.”
Your chest suddenly feels tight and you can’t take a deep breath. 
“Can I even turn it off? Am I stuck this way?” you ask as your vision begins to fade out. “Oh… Oh I don’t feel so good. My heart should not be beating this fast and I feel really hot. I feel like I’m going to…” 
Loki is quick to grab you as he notices your imbalance. He helps settle you down onto the ground and advises you to breathe.
You do but it doesn’t ease you at all. 
Loki didn’t have to touch you to feel the power radiating from your body. Once again it had alarmingly grown overnight to the point that it was no longer being held into your body but around it like a protective cloud.
 “Don’t panic.” 
You glare at him in response seeing as you were currently in a state of panic. 
“Well… don’t panic more than you already are,” Loki corrects. “But your power has grown once again and seeing as you are in control then we must resort to other methods in how you deal with this excess power.” 
Loki waves his hands in a circular motion and a pair of golden gauntlets appear out of thin air. 
“These should help,” Loki states as he kneels down in front of you. He takes your hand and slips one on before doing the same with the other. “Just don’t take them off.” 
You inspect the gauntlets that you were now sporting. The metal was cool against your skin and laid heavy around your wrists. A light stone rested on your palms and you watched as it shifted colors. 
“What are these?” you ask him. 
“Siphons,” he answers. “The stones embedded on the palm of your hands come from Alfheim. They store and help young seidr-wielders to manipulate magic more precisely. I used similar ones when I was younger until I grew into my powers.” 
“But I won’t have that same luxury, will I?” 
“No, no you will not,” Loki answers. “You will have to wear these for the rest of your life and expel the collected power over time. If you go too long without doing so the stones will become overpowered and break which wouldn’t go well for you.” 
“I end up dying, right?” 
“Yes.”
“Alright, great,” you mutter. “How do I do that? Expel power?” 
Loki tries to find the words to explain but finds himself at a loss. He can’t help but think back to how his mother had given him his own siphons when his power started to affect everyone around him. 
“Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and focus. Conjure up your intention and then trust your magic to make it real.” 
Loki uses those same words with you and watches how you follow his instructions with more ease than he had all those years ago. 
A bright light flashes from your hands shooting into the wooded area nearby. Two tree branches crash to the ground and you flinch at the sight of them. 
“Ok that’s kind of scary,” you comment as you look down at the gauntlets. “Was that normal?”
“In a way…” Loki mumbles realizing the alarming power that you held in the literal palms of your hands. “Like I said, you’re stronger than I presumed you would be.”
“Great, that’s great,” you mumble. “Now I know how Tony feels with his thrusters.” 
You look down at the palm of your hands noticing the siphons lighting up once more.
“They’re up and running again.” 
“As I’ve said before, you’ve been bestowed a great power.” 
You can’t help but pause and think over your entire interaction with him. 
“A power that you seem immune to,” you point out as you turn to look at him. “The others… they confessed things without prompting. You didn’t. Why?” 
“We’ll both be immune to each other in one way or another,” Loki explains. “I can never lie to you since you’ll be able to tell. Of course this means that you won’t be able to lie to me because that is my area of expertise and I’ll know.” 
“But why?” 
“Because balance,” Loki repeats. “You and I are two sides of the same necessary coin. We are the light and the dark, the sun and the moon, the good and the bad... ” 
“Right, the truth and the lies,” you sigh but something still didn’t fit in his explanation. “Why does it feel like you’re not telling me everything?” 
Loki is surprised that you have caught on to him quickly. You were adapting fast to your new power. Trusting it instinctively and so naturally as if you already accepted it as a part of you. 
He can’t help but stammer out in surprise. 
“There are loopholes,” Loki answers honestly. “Manners in which I can evade the truth without speaking dishonestly.” 
You narrow your eyes at him. 
“You could certainly work around that though as you did now. I’m sure with some training you could manage to catch on to the evasions quicker.”
“Are you going to train me in that?” you ask. “Or are you going to keep those secrets to yourself?”
Loki can’t help but chuckle. 
You were bold and unafraid of him. Not many of the new agents had that same courage nor the strength to be fighting alongside Midgard’s merry band of heroes. You were one of a kind. 
“We shall see,” he answers. “For now, let’s focus on the siphons. Become familiar with them, get used to the feel of them, and most importantly, learn to aim.” 
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capricores · 4 years ago
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🔥 MARS RETROGRADE GUIDE 🔥
— BASICS/FAQ.
what is a retrograde? a retrograde, put simply, is when a planet appears to be spinning backwards in the sky. during the times of retrograde, the energy of a planet is turned inwards. retrogrades are not usually the best time to try activating the energy of that planet. you may feel blocked, held back, or stressed around the themes relating to that planet. it will be a very internal time for that energy in your chart; wherever said planet is (as well as the planets it strongly aspects), will be pushed into introspective mode by the retrograde planet. consider the word retrograde itself; it is a time to reflect, review, reinvent, repurpose, etc. generally not the best time for starting new things, initiation, and so forth; but it is possible.
what does mars represent? a lot of people make the mistake of just associating mars with sex and lust. and although, sure, it does connect to that; it’s so much more. mars is about our motivation, it’s our energy, our pursuit of our passions and desires, drive, aggression, confrontation styles, self-expression, confidence, etc.
does it affect me differently if my natal mars is retrograde? some people believe retrograde transits affect those with natal retrograde less strongly. personally, i haven’t really noticed that entirely. i have natal saturn retrograde, and i actually usually feel ease when saturn transits retrograde; it’s like my saturn becomes “normal”. however, i have friends with natal retrograde planets who feel no ease during transit retrogrades. so again, i think it’s very dependent on your entire chart and the aspects of the planets currently. even i had quite a difficult time during the last saturn retrograde and did not feel any sort of ease. this time could be slightly easier because you’re used to having mars energy pushed internally, but at the same time, if it strongly aspects your natal mars (especially a conjunction - and even hitting your other planets), it might just makes things even more tense and amplified. but overall, i’d say you’re safe to read the same information on mars retrograde impacts as anyone else.
— GENERAL & WHAT TO EXPECT.
mars in aries does NOT do well in retrograde. i personally imagine those of you that have never felt too affected by a mars retrograde, will absolutely feel this one: and it will hit hard. i’m not saying this as a way to invoke fear: everything will be fine. but the energy of this retrograde is especially heavy, considering all the planets mars is currently harshly aspecting (saturn, pluto to name the standouts). the issue here is, mars & aries are both excited energies. they are bold, brash, reactive; they are initiators. they like to act before thinking. they are full of energy, passion and aggression. the retrograde is about (over)thinking before acting, slowing down, reflecting, turning inwards (mars energy likes to stay outward; noticed; loud), etc. the concept of retrograde opposes everything mars represents; especially when mars is in it’s ruling sign of aries; who greatly reflects mars’ energy.
mars rarely stations retrograde as well; usually every two and a half years (i believe), and it very rarely does so in aries. because most of us aren’t used to this planet stationing retrograde (unlike mercury, who likes to retrograde multiple times a year), it seems to just hit harder. i also want to specifically mention the fact this mars retrograde will be squaring saturn. mars square saturn is a very difficult aspect; i am someone that has this in my natal chart and it’s quite frustrating. saturn is about restriction and caution; mars is more fearlessness and recklessness. right now, it feels like saturn is holding mars’ energy back even more than the retrograde is. it’s not allowing the uninhibited expression of the mars energy. we may feel a lot of blockages in relation to the common themes shared by mars and saturn (especially career, work, pursuit of passion; as well as responsibility, control, power - authority figures, etc).
some general things to expect, regardless of your mars placement:
headaches: unfortunately; this is going to bring a lot of headaches, literal ones (although figurative ones as well). i think general body aches are going to be common due to the fact mars is aspecting so many planets. namely the saturn aspect will probably cause a lot of full body/bones/joint/muscle soreness, and probably a lot of toothaches and similar issues. i can even see abdomen/pelvic pain flaring because the pluto aspect. make sure you’re taking very good care of your health right now and see a doctor when you need to! (i’m not hugely into medical astrology, but i do notice these type of mars and saturn transits personally coinciding with an increase in headaches, toothaches, and overall soreness- for me and friends at least)
passive aggression, irritability, unnecessary hostility, arguments over pointless things, people who tend to bottle finally exploding, high tension
strong lack of energy, motivation, drive: lethargy and exhaustion are common (but again, be careful and see a doctor if these things are extreme)
tension in workplace environments; coworker disagreements, namely issues with management (power struggles)
feeling very blocked in terms of your goals; again especially in regards to work and your passions
you may also feel very blocked in relationships/pursuing relationships
likely an increased sex drive: i think all the tension and energy turning inwards is just pushing some people to maximum overload lol
confusion regarding passions/goals/relationships/etc: because we’re doing so much reflecting on mars themes, you may start doubting your wants/goals/interests/relationships/etc (depends on the transit house/aspects) as you’re thinking about them so much. it’s not inherently bad; reflection is a great thing! just be wary of overthinking. don’t be shocked as new things come to light and you start getting the urge to change paths, methods, etc
realization of mistreatment/acting on such: this is a BIG theme and i think we clearly see it in our world right now. since mars is/will be in harsh aspect to so many other planets representing power, control & authority (saturn & pluto) as well as jupiter who represents expansion, growth & excess; a lot of us are going to start setting boundaries. we’re going to be rethinking the times we’ve been mistreated, taken advantage of, the things we’ve let slide but shouldn’t have, and so forth. we’re especially noticing those abusing excess (jupiter) amounts of power (saturn/pluto/mars) both in our lives and in the world. this is THE time to start making and setting new boundaries; putting your foot down and denying those who don’t deserve your energy any sort of access to you! it may be a bit of a painful time if we’re reflecting on moments of abuse and similar; so take care of yourselves and please stay safe!
if you’re interested in what to expect/predictions based on what house(s) mars is transiting in your chart, as well as what to expect based on your natal planets that square/opposition/conjunct or quincunx mars; i’ll be making a post about such on patreon in a few days (i’ll add the link here when it’s up!). the patreon  post also includes questions to ask yourself based on where mars is transiting for you, to help with your retrograde reflection/healing/journaling/etc! 
if you’re familiar with astrology, just note the house mars is transiting through in your chart right now will show what area of your life is especially inward and lacking motivation. that’s where you’ll especially be needing to reflect on mars-related themes such as power, drive, expression, confidence, etc (same goes for the planets it is aspecting in your natal chart).
— ADVICE.
think hard before acting; don't jump into things without lots of consideration - much like venus retrograde be cautious of starting and ending relationships on impulse (end bad relationships tho pls!!! this is a great time for that!!! i just mean this in a way of like; if your significant other gets on your nerves once in a while and you wanna leave- think it over a few times; and also don’t jump into a relationship with someone you met yesterday)
don't start arguments/confrontations unless absolutely necessary (think: will this fight really benefit me, why am i REALLY upset right now, etc). i think it’s extremely important right now to make sure we aren’t bottling and exploding on people/in situations that don’t deserve it and weren’t the main cause of our frustration
exercise, stretch; do something physical to release energy from your body, if you can! mars is a very physical planet so any sort of movement can help a lot (just again be careful as always)
be gentle on yourself! it's okay if you need more rest during these times, don't be too hard on yourself for hitting roadblocks in goals - take this time to plan, think through what you really want, figure out how you’re gonna go for it and achieve this; then act after the rx or when you have more energy
start setting more boundaries; realize who does and doesn’t deserve to be in your life. realize that self-worth and how amazing you are!
ko-fi for tips 😊
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regardingseas · 4 years ago
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Ttile: Echoed Vexations (Part One, part two linked)
Fandom: Hermitcraft
Rating: Teen and up audiences (violence warning)
AO3: here! (Full story at once)
•••
Plot Summary:
It's all too easy to turn a blind eye to the past-- to believe that because someone has been shielded from harm's way, they should no longer fear the wrath of their opponent's creed. They're safe now, after all, so why would they..?
Yes, Scar and Cub are certainly "safe", but they're still haunted by memories of the Vex and their deals all the same.
OR
An average afternoon during the HCB Base Swap is cut short when Mumbo accidentally digs up a remnant from Scar's Vex partnership days, and unfortunately for the town's mayor, the other Hermit is far from aware just how triggering the topic can truly be. Things only dissolve from there, and in the end, Grian lends a helping hand to console a friend.
•••
Additional Content Warnings:
Depictions of trauma disorders, panic attacks, flashbacks, paranoid thoughts/delusions, manipulation, gaslighting, threats, injury, and violence. Mentions of religious themes, unintentional self-harm, and non-permanent character death.
Do be careful, but otherwise, enjoy!
•••
The sun was still high in the sky even as Scar finished decorating the monument's support chains, sweltering rays beaming down and adding to the oppressive humidity of the jungle around him. With his usual jacket set aside to fight the heat, he wiped away the beads of sweat that had gathered on his forehead and grabbed a stray bucket from the sidelines. He'd nearly finished the waterfall aspect of the design-- crystal blue streams cascading over the edges of four white spanners, all joining together in the octagonal pool at the base's foundation. It was looking quite spectacular, if he were to say so himself, with the vine-coiled braces and additional water currents tying the otherwise juxtaposing themes together nicely.
Scar scooped up a fresh pail of water, filling it to the brim and hauling it towards the last pillar. He glanced down at the container as he carried it, catching a glimpse of his reflection from the liquid inside. His face shone red with effort, misplaced strands of hair having clung themselves to his tan skin.
Though unsurprised, he still couldn't help but laugh at the rippling image. "It's just my luck I'd swap with another jungle dwelling Hermit. I swear, I can never escape this climate for long. First the island last year, then all this."
With a shake of his head he returned his gaze upwards, continuing to muse aloud to the landscape before him, "You tropics are wonderful and all, but it sure would've been a nice change of pace to set up camp in somewhere like the mountains. Or pull total 180 and have landed in the tundras!"
Concepts for each design raced through his head, each idea fighting the others for dominance and tacking details onto itself, trying to land its place on the metaphorical pedestal of his imagination. A cottage with medieval influences? No, that would be far too typical, amp both of those components up. An entire village with a steampunk driven aesthetic, built into the mountainscape itself; no doubt with custom terraforming to integrate the buildings into the natural environment. That was more like it.
Scar could envision working windmills and waterwheels accompanying purposefully makeshift farmlands, historic blimps having reclaimed skies where they'd soar high overhead. Below them, eye-catching pops of colour, shining through as floating lanterns that hover above connective rope bridges.
As for the arctic concept? Something more grand would be ideal. In his fantasy, he'd created an absolute oxymoron of the words cabin and mansion jumbled together, and he adored it that way. A bottom floor made of bricked stone, the top made of logs and large windows to oversee the view. Accompanying them in the same manner would be a balcony, propped on columns that hugged the building and curved around its corners. The top deck would be open for clear days, and the space below it safe on harsher ones. Sloped roofs would be adorned with chimneys, and the interior warmed by cozy flames that were kept organized with inviting lofts. The living area could be split leveled, sinking down to create its own margin where guests could comfortably gather by the fireplace and--
There was a tug at his ankle, and next thing he knew, a bemused Scar went crashing to the ground, having been too caught up to notice the trailing plants blocking his footway. His hands shot out to catch himself, palms scraping against the concrete floor in a way similar to the childhood stunt of crashing and burning on the pavement. A stinging snapped up his arms, and the water bucket dropped from his grasp, clattering down with a metallic rumble before spilling its contents across the floor.
Scar pushed himself upright with a hiss of air through his teeth, shaking off his grazed palms and wiping them on his jeans. Pulling his foot free from the greenery and gathering himself up was no problem, what was a problem, however, was the troubling sight now before him.
The water had spilled all over one of Mumbo's redstone contraptions, causing the device to short circuit and emit a sort of maroon-grey smoke. The wires fashioned from the compacted dust had been all but washed away, any remaining pieces hanging on by threads and failing miserably whenever a signal attempted to fire; more so sizzling rather than surging alight with energy.
"Oh, crud!" he shouted, racing towards the machine and yanking on the shut-off switch to divert any further input from the broken setup.
It powered down, but Scar was still left swatting the coloured smoke from his face, coughing as the scent of burnt metallics filled his nostrils. When had he gotten so absorbed in possible building opportunities that he'd managed to miss the foliage in front of him? Why had he even been wondering so deeply about it, anyway? This event was about improving one another's bases by adding their own personal touches, not starting a new project entirely.
Scar sighed, he wasn't sure why his mind had begun drifting so far. He'd like to blame it on the wild imagination of a builder, but he had a feeling there was a little more to it. Sometimes, when the world wasn't too much to handle, it was too easy to let fall away. Maybe he spent too much time daydreaming-- he was sure there was a word for that, when trances became so all encompassing, so engrossing.
"But I don't have time to think about that right now," he reminded himself, "I really need to fix this. It doesn't look like most of this redstone is salvageable, I'll have to get new supplies to repair it. Maybe some of the circuits are okay..?"
Scar nudged a repeater with his shoe, the device making an unnatural sloshing noise in his attempt to change the feed-in. He scrunched up his nose, "Okay, nope, gonna need to replace that, too."
Running a hand through his hair in defeat, he glanced towards Mumbo's storage system before shaking his head. It wouldn't be right to use the other man's supplies without asking, let alone waste them on a mistake made due to Scar's own carelessness. He'd have to make his way back to his original base and gather the materials from there once more. When he dropped by initially, he figured he'd gotten everything he needed, but apparently hadn't accounted for dissociation-induced redstone mishaps.
"I guess we're making a trip back," Scar announced to no one, finally picking up the empty bucket to set it safely aside. He made his way over to his tent, temporarily discarding any excess materials and bidding adieu to Jellie before grabbing his elytra and setting off.
Taking to the skies, Scar squinted against the wind as it roared in his ears. His hair parted itself from where it had stuck, short locks brushed back by the flowing breeze. With arms extended for balance, and maybe a dash of amusement, he lit his rockets and propelled himself into the distance.
-----
It wasn't long before he encroached on his base again, allowing his faux wings to glide him downward where he kicked out his legs to come to a soft landing. Scar stopped before the massive drill site just on the outskirts of the forest, heading towards the agglomeration of crates and boxes he had haphazardly stowed aside. He was certain there had to be the necessary hardware in one of the many containers, though which that may be was lost on him. At least, thanks to Mumbo and his new storage system, the chest monster he'd created would soon be a thing of the past.
"I wonder how that's going for him..." Scar pondered, striding over to a random shulker and beginning his sure-to-be protracted search.
"Scar?" a familiar voice interrupted, making him peer ahead to see the moustached man himself rounding the corner. "Hello there! I see you've made yourself rather at home at my base," Mumbo teased.
He couldn't help but chuckle, "That I have. I just needed to stop by and pick up some redstone and iron. With all the ore this place has quarried up, I was sure there's bound to be more of that here than back at Larry."
Mumbo faked surprise with a hearty grin, "Getting into mechanics, are we? Have the inner workings of the temple really had that much influence on you after only a few days?"
"Now I wouldn't say that," Scar shook his head and closed the lid of the grey shulker, seeing no point in hiding the truth. "I took a tumble holding a bucket of water and it kinda spilled on one of the contraptions. I'm sorry for the trouble-- but don't worry! I came here to fix it right up. I just didn't wanna waste your materials fixing my silly error."
The suited man waved his hand dismissively, "Nonsense, it's no trouble. Have you seen the improvements you've made to that place? I mean, of course you've seen them, you built them, but rhetorically speaking--" Mumbo cleared his throat, "Just don't fret over it, I trust that you'll have it fixed right up in no time."
Scar smiled, "Thanks, dude. Now I just have to find where on Earth I put those ore…"
Mumbo gave another laugh, "You know, you can feel free to use some of my things if need be. I have no idea how you expect to find anything in this mess. I'm only trying to do a basic look through so I know where to begin when it comes to the item sorter, but even that doesn't seem to do much good. I swear, it's like trying to play a very intense game of memory, with thousands of nonsensical cards all scattered about."
Scar snickered sheepishly at the comparison, "Yeah, no kidding. But being able to use some resources without flying all the way over here would be great. Thanks again, Mumbo. I don't know if there's anything you'll need here while working, but hey, consider it free range. We're doing these things for each other in the long run, anyway."
"I'd say, 'unless we don't switch back our deeds', but in all honesty? I'm beginning to miss the ol' living monument already."
The two exchange a chuckle before returning to their previous tasks, both going back to digging through the pile of chests in preparation for their projects.
It took longer than Scar wanted to admit to finally find the crate stocked with valuables-- sighing in relief at the sight and immediately beginning to pile the items into his inventory. There were pre-smelted metals from an iron farm, so he didn't have to bother with the ore, and the redstone he'd gathered was already in dust from, meaning all he'd have to do was craft the items after returning.
"I wonder if it would've been easier to stop by the shopping district and buy these directly, instead of making them by hand..." he said, "Oh well, saves on diamonds, and these had to be used some time, I guess."
"Talking to yourself over there?" Mumbo asked.
"Just thinking aloud is all."
"I see," the moustached man nodded, pushing himself up from where he'd been examining the supplies. "I found something neat from last year! Do you wanna see?"
"Sure!" Scar agreed, setting aside his intent of flying back in favour of seeing what it was Mumbo had to show him.
He smiled and stepped over to Scar, holding out a faded piece of paper for them both to see, "I found it stuck to the bottom of a shulker box! Can you believe we used to be competition so recently?" He joked.
Scar could only stare at the advert before him, a steele blue page embellished with a vault-like ring in the center. It meant nothing to the untrained eye, but to him, all of the company's horrors were sealed underneath. ConCorp read bold text in half-connected lettering, the logo finalizing its signature with a black bow tie adorning the bottom.
"Hardly," managed Scar, having just remembered he'd been asked a question, "But it wasn't that recent."
"It was practically yesterday if we're talking business," Mumbo snickered, "but we aren't. I'm not very good at business."
"Me neither, I prefer mayorship," he said in an attempt to change the subject.
Mumbo, however, didn't seem to notice, only turning to stare at Scar with eyes wide. "Are you kidding me? You were quite literally the richest Hermit of all last year! You're wonderful at business. Sahara was amazing, and I don't for a second doubt it was the most ambitious project of our group to date, but she had plenty of bugs, being the machine powered industry that she was. ConCorp, however? That was an utter monopoly! The thing lasted two bloody seasons!"
Scar chuckled awkwardly, "I know, I know, Cub and I worked very hard. But it wasn't all us, we couldn't have done it alone."
"Give yourself more credit," Mumbo insisted, "I'm more than convinced you could have gotten your business up and running even without the help of your Vex friends. Weren't they less prominent in your company last year, anyway? You did change your guy's name from ConVex to ConCorp, after all. I think that would imply less input on their part."
"Not really," he explained, though the tension building in his body was becoming harder to conceal. He had to keep his arms rigid so that they wouldn't shake, forcing in deep breaths to avoid the shaky ones that threatened to take their place. "We just thought it would be better for business, rebranding to something more gentlemanly and all."
Mumbo nodded, "Ah, that makes sense. Though I still don't understand how you managed to work with them to begin with. I likely wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes. I mean business partners with the Vex? Friends, even? How'd you do it? Not to mention why? With all due respect, what makes one seek that out?"
Scar blinked hard at the influx of questions, "Oh, it's- it's really complicated, you might not understand. Cub started it, though. I joined the team not long after, but I wasn't there when he first struck the deal with Them."
"Huh, some deal," Mumbo remarked thoughtfully, and Scar nodded.
He had no idea.
"So what made you leave that behind?" Mumbo continued.
"What?" he asked, finding his thoughts hazy. They were static nothingness, but somehow also crashing into his skull. He found himself having to dig his way through them, while at the same time trying to bury them once he passed. The last thing Scar wanted was to do was hark back to the Vex, to beckon forth Their memory with his own.
The other man simply chuckled, oblivious to Scar's inner turmoil. "ConCorp, the Vex. Did you two just get bored? Having done the same thing for too long?"
"In a sense, you could definitely say we were tired of it. It just- well, it wasn't what we wanted to do anymore. We wanted to move on to new things."
"That's fair enough. Do you blokes still get along? Or did they take the corporation's end like a sour breakup?"
This time, Scar couldn't contain his wince. "We're still friends!" he insisted, "Of course the Vex are my friends."
Mumbo finally quirked a brow, "Are you sure about that? You don't have to worry about hiding some burnt corporal bridges from me, I'm not here to judge."
"Oh yeah, I'm positive," he nodded eagerly, "I'm just- I'm gonna go work on fixing that contraption I damaged, best to get it fixed before we have to switch back."
"Buddy, are you sure everything's alright? I'm sorry if I upset you or anything."
"Nah, I'm just peachy!" Scar announced with far too much false enthusiasm, internally cringing at his failed masking abilities. Not allowing any more time for his ruse to be cracked, he uttered a quick goodbye before adjusting the straps on his elytra and dashing off, leaping into the air and back towards the ruins.
"Scar, wait!" Mumbo tried, but he was already gone.
------
The returning flight was far from the peaceful journey he'd made to the excitation site. His artificial wings beat frantically, struggling to keep up as he charged forward with excessive firepower. He paid no mind to the safety protocol regarding the rocket's cool-down period, simply heralding through the air as fast as his elytra would carry him. Scar arrived back to the monument in a trip overall much faster than when he'd left, but it seemed to drag on for an eternity. The entire excursion consisted of a battle with his own mind-- a war in which he knew he was bound to lose, but he had to hold down the fort until he was on solid ground.
Scar was lucky not to crash into the debris upon landing, frantically stumbling to the dirt and having to grasp onto a piece of wreckage to maintain his balance. His legs nearly buckled under his weight, form trembling in spite of the deep breaths he gave it his all to draw in.
He grasped hard to the rubble, trying to anchor his brain into focus. He couldn't let his thoughts spiral, he couldn't think about Them. He knew grounding techniques, and he tried to rush his way through them.
Five things you can see.
He could see the golden heart, plants, stone, the golden heart again-- the thing was too anatomically correct, he'd seen horrors too similar to it before. And the sound, it was too damn loud, too hard to ignore. Its unsteady rhythm hammering in his ears alongside his own faltering pulse.
Forget visuals, four different noises?
Scar squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to listen, focusing hard on the world around him. Still, he could only hear the heart. He could only hear it pounding, its once melodic notes like nails on a chalkboard. He could remember far too many times when he was left alone with nothing but his heartbeat and his pleas.
Tactile. Texture. What can you feel? Three things you can feel.
Internally, he screamed at his dulling senses to return. God, he didn't want to think about Them, it wasn't worth the risk. They'd been inside his head before, and the mere idea of having his thoughts broadcasted again made his stomach churn. Scar tried harder and harder to suppress the images bubbling to the surface, festering like maggots in an old wound. The more he tried to push them down, however, the fiercer they'd rise back up, and he choked down a sob in attempt to list the sensations he could currently identify.
He could feel the stone-- but he already said the stone, didn't he? He could also feel the sun. It was hot against his back. So hot. He was overheating.
The notes should have been a success, but the drops of sweat felt too akin to tricking blood. The sting of his hands felt too much like the friction burn of a rope. It felt too much like he was back with the Vex again, and as he finally sunk to the soil, he could no longer swim against the onslaught of memories crashing over him like a tidal wave.
They could still hear him, They could still hear him, They could still hear him, They could still get him--
------
The day he and Cub first found the courage to try and cut ties with the Vex had been a hellish one, and the two men weren't even successful in their attempt. Hence, of course, it being the first.
Still, it had taken ages for Scar to persuade Cub that it was even worth trying, the other man having believed it was impossible to sneak anything past the Vex on their own. Scar was persistent, however, and eventually convinced his friend they had a shot if they played their cards right, if they made the right proposal without their intentions being discovered.
They'd constructed their plans in secret for weeks; discussing them only inside of untold locations with hushed whispers, or in the form of coded scrawls they'd burn immediately after reading. They couldn't be too careful, that's what they'd tell themselves whenever they worried their precautionary measures may be over the top. Even so, when a so-called conference was put on the schedule --such events were far from any type of cordial meeting, despite having been assigned the title of one-- the men were hardly prepared for it.
Their conference room consisted of a needlessly grandiose suite, with floors of marble and walls carved from deep umber wood. The polished lumber was adorned with expensive paintings in aureate frames; antique laden shelves taking up the spaces they did not. Aesthetically pleasing decorative tactics were discarded in favour of showing off their riches in a possessive cluster, with the only average items being the table and its chairs sat in the dead center of the area. A chandelier of gemstone and gold swung from above, dangling by the same chains fated to one day bind their vassals.
"Concordats, greetings!" A Vex declared as the men were led through the doorway, hovering in the air at the opposing end of the surface.
"Greetings," parroted Cub minimally, Scar giving a plain nod beside him. Fewer words meant less chance at letting their guard down.
"We've been needing to speak with you," a different Vex chimed.
"Speak with you about the business," yet another visitant confirmed.
"We actually need to discuss similar matters with you all," Scar noted, voice and expression a façade of tranquility.
"You do?" the first asked, wide smile replaced with inquiry.
"Yes," managed Cub, "we want to make you an offer, one you can't refuse."
"I do like the sound of that!" the second snickered.
"We'll hear your offer," the Vex grinned, "we only have one question first!"
"Of course, what is it?" asked Scar, in mental awe of how well their exchange was going.
"Do you recognize these?" it asked, gesturing towards the white table where a blue light flashed, fading away to reveal a small pile of ash.
Cub and Scar glanced to one another in evident confusion, the latter of the two speaking once again, "Forgive me, but we're not sure what you're talking about."
"Oh, silly me!" the Vex giggled, another flash of luminesce encompassing the soot and leaving a stack of papers in its place. As if caught in a controlled gust, they blew from the surface and organized themselves midair; levitating in a cloud of magic.
All of their once burnt notes were lined up before them, cyphers needed to crack their messages included.
Still beaming with innocence, it continued, "How about now? Look familiar?"
The blood drained from their faces, and Scar could have sworn his heart was going to burst from his chest with how hard it was drumming. He wanted to wake up, because this had to be a nightmare.
"No, we have no idea what those are," he tried.
LAIR!
Overlapping voices screamed in his head, all sounding in haunting unison. Scar hastily clapped his hands over his ears, but it did nothing to silence the uproar emanating from within.
You try to break our contract then lie to our faces?
Foolish concordats.
Terrible secret keepers, terrible subjects.
Cub seized hold of Scar's arm and made a break for the door with the brunet in tow, reaching the exit and tugging desperately on the handles. They refused to turn under his grasp, and his eyes darted back towards the Vex; floating creatures growing ever closer to their imaginary bubble providing them with the illusion of safety.
More of Them were phasing in through walls, forms non-corporeal and having no need for the sealed entryway.
Apologize.
They all ordered, Scar flinching at the simultaneous projection. He lowered his hands and turned towards Them, watching Their unmoving grins with wide eyes.
Kneel before your gods and divulge your prayers, we may just show you mercy.
"I'm sorry-" Scar whimpered, but Cub was having none of it.
"No!" the man barked, "Screw this! This isn't worth it! None of this is worth it! He's right! The business, the money, the power, it-- it means nothing! Not when you treat us like this!"
They watched him step forward, his furious yells echoing through the expanse of the room, "We're done! And we mean it! You're going to get us go or else!"
An orchestra of shrill cackles filled the air.
Oooh, it's angry.
They're fighting back!
Teach them a lesson.
"You won't dare make another-" Cub's retaliation was cut short with a cry, the bearded man dropping to the ground in a swift crash.
"Cub!" Scar called, but his attempt to step towards his friend was met only with a searing pain through his legs and the subsequent buckling of his knees. He fell to the marble, limbs heavy as if they'd been weighted. It took considerable force to balance on his arms, appendages left shaking as he peered back up towards the Vex.
He regretted it instantly.
•••
(Part two)
11 notes · View notes
jeanjauthor · 3 years ago
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What’s the duties of a duke of his household in peacetime?
The duties of a Duke are the same as any noble, baronet, baron, viscount, count, earl, margrave, duke, grand duke, and of course the other gender versions, baronetta, baroness, viscountess, countess, marchioness, duchess, grand duchess... But whether or not a noble *followed* those duty expectations is, of course, up to the individual, whether they’re a genuine caring person or an entitled douchebag asshole. (Pardon my language but honestly...yeah.)
Anyway, the original premise of nobility vs. common folk was that because they could afford things like weapons and horses (which made combat easier), they were to protect their immediate neighbors in exchange for being given a bit of support in terms of food, goods, funds, etc.  This literally goes back thousands of years in Europe, all the way into the days of prehistoric civilizations (think of the grand burial mount civilizations, for example; archaeological finds have showed that those who could afford to keep & ride horses were given higher status, and were far more likely to have weapons buried with them).
By the time it becomes officially stratified in the records with various levels of nobility, baron to duke, etc, the primary job of protecting the people still exists, but the *method* has now varied.  Depending on culture, era, nation, etc, dukes don’t necessarily *have* to personally lead troops into battle.  (Please decide this for your created cultures in advance.)  This could still be done via raising a levy of home troops, seeing that they’re trained (mandatory monthly training weekend?), and drilled, and ready to fight...but it’s not always necessary.
By the era where nobles are stratified into dukes vs counts vs barons, etc, most of the time standing armies did exist (if small and padded with conscription during times of war).  This often meant the duke (or whatever rank) could negotiate for paying for part of those army forces via tax monies that could be used to pay the soldiers or pay for provisions, or products from their craftspeople (leather goods, clothing, weapons, vehicles, etc, and/or produce from their farms (actual produce like grains, vegetables, preserved meats, or living animals such as horses and oxen for pulling supply wagons, etc).
Now that we now what wartime possibilities are like, we can set that aside and focus on peacetime.  They would still be responsible for being able to provide goods and services and funds for any standing army, paying taxes to their sovereign, etc.  They might even (depending on the culture, think England and its longbowmen, yeomen) still have to maintain a yearly quota of trained fighters (in this case longbow archers).  There was a long period of time when, by law, all able-bodied males in England had to train with a longbow for X amount of time a month.  A conscientious noble--regardless of gender--would see to this, and see that there would be an adequate supply of well-crafted longbows, and a plethora of arrows.
This training would extend to the members of their own household.  In a typical keep / castle, there would often be a bow in every single room with windows or window slits facing to the outside, along with a supply of arrows, so that anyone within that room during a time of battle or even siege could pick up the weapon, string it, and use it to defend against invaders.  This means that there would be an expectation of anybody who could physically draw a bowstring would spend at least some time every week practicing those skills.  A good noble would ensure that all genders could do so, even in times of peace.
Moreover, a duke, et al, would have a trained force of guards to patrol the roads within their domain, to try to keep them free of bandits, scout for raiders or unusual incursions from a neighbor’s own armed forces...because war with your neighbors was not uncommon; resources were fought over, herd beasts were rustled, taxes would be “demanded” by the greedy from peasants who weren’t in that noble neighbor’s demesne (domain), etc.  It didn’t even have to be outright warfare to require constant vigilance.
And of course there would be the need to enforce certain laws.  Sometimes it was stupid classist gatekeeping bullshit like sumptuary laws (at one point the only fur commoners could wear was squirrel fur, which made winters hellaciously difficult to survive, and much of the Middle Ages did experience a Little Ice Age, so such laws were doubly punitive, and I hope those who created such laws suffered horribly from the diseases of the day)..  Sometimes it was a genuinely good law, like no you cannot beat your wife to death without it being called murder.  (Seriously, I would not last long in the Middle Ages, because I’d be too damn feminist to be “allowed” to live...)
Anyway, aside from the need to keep the roads clear for commerce and travel, to watch for neighbors slipping into raiding, to uphold the law, etc, technically a good noble’s next and utterly non-combat-associated duty would be to use their plenty, their excess, their ability to be generous and charitable with their extra resources...to be generous and charitable.  There was a long-standing tradition of expectations that a noble would take care of the poorest within their domain.  Cottages and daily meals for the elderly & infirm, help for those families devastated by illness, extra food in times of famine, and of course if they owned any of the buildings their tenants lived in, it was expected that they would maintain those structures at their own expense.
Furthermore, it was expected that anyone who worked for them, from the lowly scullery boy and/or goose-tending maid, all the way up through to their seneschal (person who actually managed a particular manor and its lands whenever the noble wasn’t there visiting) got a certain amount of money and a certain number of sets of clothes every year.  (Cloth is VERY expensive to produce, pre-industrialization, btw; it could take 12-20 spinners just to keep one weaver at the loom full time.)  They would also be expected to be provided with tools for their trades, too--leather and metal for animal harnesses when plowing the fields, plows for said plowing, chisels for a woodwright or a stonecutter, etc--when doing work for the noble.  At least, a good noble would help support their craftspeople, providing good scythes at harvest time, etc.
A truly good noble would actually pitch in, too, during heavy labor periods, especially in harvest season when the weather is looking iffy.  They’d pull in their soldiers and assign them to work the fields, and even work themselves to get all the pulses (peas, beans) harvested, all the corn (medieval term for seeds of grain such as oats, wheat, rye, barley, etc) harvested, and of course properly dried and threshed and stored...in exchange for a certain amount to be given to them as taxes, to feed for said soldiers and workers, and to pass some along in the form of either food or money from sales to their higher-ups on the fealty chain.
...Of course, as time went on, most nobles considered themselves entitled to all of those items and produce and goods without pitching in personally.  This of course has lead to the GOP insisting upon holding as much power as possible without giving a damn about the common American in the modern era...but this has happened over and over and over.  The French had a little head-chopping Revolution thing about it, in fact.  Not a good look for nobles, tbh, but they really were that entitled and uncaring in their attitudes toward commoners.  (Isn’t it fun the parallels we can draw between then and now?)
One thing people in this era don’t realize is that after the Black Death swept through and wiped out 1/3rd of Europe’s population (it actually swept through several times, but this was like COVID-19 to the common flu, back then), there was such a labor shortage that the nobles were literally enticing serfs in someone else’s domain to come work for them, for twice or even three times as much pay, benefits, gifts, etc, because they needed the harvest to be brought in but didn’t have enough living people, period, to get it done without poaching their neighbors’ residents.
The Black Death ended serfdom, the custom of people being essentially bound by law to a particular patch of land as a sort of pseudo-slavery--the phrase “year and a day” was used when a serf ran away from their home patch of ground to a freely-held (not beholden to any noble) city.  If they could live there for one year and one day without being caught and dragged back, they would be considered freed...but when the Black Death hit, if you survived, you had a LOT of leverage against the nobles.  It really shifted the balance of power and the balance of wealth in Europe, because the commoners could demand a lot more in funds and supplies and equipment, etc.
(It’s like how businesses are shutting down because their workers are tired of being exploited; if these businesses won’t pay an actually livable wage...well, we’re not serfs, not boung by law (yet--watch out for the GOP, since they want to reinstitute such things bit by bit, if you read between the lines of what they’ve been attempting to pass in state and federal congressional sessions) to have to work for starvation slavery wages for our (corporate) masters...  Instead, we have a great deal of power and leverage to demand better working conditions, just as our European survivor-ancestors did post-plague.  Anyway!)
Wise nobles treated their commoners well, giving them extra pay, better living conditions regardless of how much they needed the work.  They sacrificed a little bit of their own personal wealth to ensure that their entire demense (domain) prospered.  Those that did not, often caused far more misery than humanity should have allowed...such as the so-called Irish Potato Famine.
There was NOT a famine in Ireland at the time.  English colonizer nobles who had seized the land, etc, demanded that all the good food that was growing be reserved for -their- needs, to be sold elsewhere or fed to the local animals.  The Irish had to subsist on what little of the potato harvest and a few gathered wild foods or personal tiny vegetable garden goods they could grow...and when the potato blight hit, it hit HARD, and the vast majority of the potatoes were taken up--just like all the other foods--by their English overlords, maliciously causing the actual farmers, the actual people creating & growing & tending all that food, to literally starve to death...or be imprisoned for daring to eat the food they produced, because it “didn’t” belong to them.
So when we talk about the obligations of the nobles to their households in times of peace...we have to stop and think, what kind of culture do these nobles in general promote, and what does the individual noble and/or their immediate family promote?
Because the time you get around to having stratified nobility (baronetty through duchy), you’re probably going to have a lot of people who believe they have unassailable privileges and callously inhuman entitlement rights, UNLESS there are a lot of checks-and-balances on the culture to prevent such things.
Like what, you may ask?  Well, we can look at the corporate culture of Ben & Jerry’s, the ice cream company.  I don’t know if it’s still in their bylaws, but at least for a long while, last I heard, the CEOs & board of directors could not be paid more than 7x what the lowest paid employees in the company got.  By investing their money in their employees, the company was ethically using the labor of said employees, paying them back for their hard work.
Nobles who invest in their peasantry, improving their wages, their homes, their lives & ability to do their livelihoods, will have a similar ROI, Return On Investment--they’ll be beloved, they’ll be fiercely defended, they’ll have people wanting to work for them.  We know this worked in the medieval era because when the Black Death destroyed serfdom, those nobles who “shared the wealth” with their laborers got even more prosperous, because everyone who survived wanted to work for them.
One last thing, the higher up in rank a noble is, the more lands & crafts, etc, they probably oversee...and that means the less time they have to know everyone in their domain...which can lead to them “not being in touch with the common people.”  UNLESS they make a concerted effort to get to know and stay in touch with those people.  They can do this through conscious personal effort, a family culture of careful coaching & teaching, by not having primogeniture but instead a law of picking the best heir to take over (aka not the privileged entitled asshole types who only take & take, but the ones who genuinely care and give & give), or even by laws, “Nobles can only use X amount of what they have for their personal needs and must reinvest Y amount in their demense (lands, peoples, buildings, herds, etc).”
If you’re writing an historical novel with a duke, you’ll want to research the era in which they’re set, to see what the chances of a good guy duke versus a bad guy or uncaring guy duke might be.  (There are always exceptions to the rules, but maybe they’re just unaware their policies are asshole-ish...or maybe they really are English prejudiced against the Irish, considering the Irish to be moronic animals that have opposable thumbs...really seriously, the whole potato famine was the fault of the English nobility and their goddamn colonizer attitudes...but I digress).
If you’re writing a created culture, however...you can work things to turn out differently, either by culture, by expectation, law, etc, so that it’s different from what happened in Europe (and other locations).
In my fantasy romance DestinyVerse books, mages have a great deal of power, and often end up in positions of nobility because--like having horses and weapons--a strong mage has the ability to protect a lot of people from incoming threats...but at the same time that they’re asked to protect those around them in a position of legal & cultural power... they’re expected to swear magic-binding oaths to protect the people they rule over, so that their magic literally prevents them from violating the terms of those oaths.  They have to protect the people they’ve sworn to protect from various oath-bound threats.  That’s a guarantee that Medieval Europe (or China, or India, etc) did not have...though a cleverly worded oath can still allow a mage to be an asshole in many respects.
I hope all of that helps!
#WhatDidDukesDoInTimesOfPeace
#NobleObligations
#answers
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bladekindeyewear · 4 years ago
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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-06
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♪ HS2 HS2 is baaaaack ♪
♪ HS2bloggin here we gooooo ♪
♪ Structural changes on their team but I don’t caaaaare ♪
♪ Already resooolved myself that its NOOOT gonna beee as good ♪ with inattentiveness to details characters like Terezi forgetting-what-they-used-to-know and an obsession with dwelling on traaageeeDEEE without relief-or-considering how weee’d feeeeeeel~ ♪♪♪ --so just gonna enjoy-what-i-caaaaaan about iiit~ ♪♪♪
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Okay time for bankruptcy
> CHAPTER 11. History's Most Notorious Haters
Let’s see how effectively my perky new lowered-expectations attitude lets me enjoy this comic  *click*
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wut
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Oh.  so is this Dave drawing comics about current events or Regular Calliope doing so for our very first lanky look at her presumably-grown-up-more cherub form
> Knight: Keep it real.
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HOLY SHIT IT’S DAVEBOT AND ARADIA
so we just get to SEE them?!  just like that???  no buildup or anything?  :D
Okay I’m marking out a little that’s a good sign.  Also what a nerdy cop-out to turn the roboteyes into glasses that’s barely passable which is perfect, the rest of his outfit looks pretty cool tho
DAVEBOT: and thats reason four hundred nineteen why despite my mans many accomplishments i will never acknowledge big skateboardings contrived message that tony hawk is the quintessential skater of our generation ARADIA: o_o DAVEBOT: not in these trying times
Good to see Ultimate Dave is being true to form with regards to the core of his personality
DAVEBOT: beep boop ARADIA: i have told you several times that i was a robot before and i know for a fact you dont have to say beep boop DAVEBOT: hm that sounds fake does not compute ARADIA: david DAVEBOT: mom
I was with this conversation until the last two lines what the fuck
(I’m reading into it aren’t I, Aradia was trying to be atypically proper -- even though she wouldn’t have the frame of reference to know without being specifically told that “Dave” was considered nickname shorthand for the human name David, and thus if she DID know there’s no reason she’d use it except to troll him -- and Dave’s just mocking her response.  Without any shame about his continued weirdness of calling people Mom, and by without any shame I mean he made the choice EXPLICITLY to intentionally evoke the awkwardness.  Wow I got a lot out of two lines.)
(Oh, also alt!Callie’s true Jade-body incarnation here probably prompted her to start using “David” by example.  There, various mysteries solved via a pile of assumptions probably to be disproven in the next couple lines I read.)
The Knight and the Maid stare at each other briefly, having exchanged enough meaningful glances over their time together to know when to drop it.
Would Time players have an easier time gelling this way, like this particular smoothness?  Dropping it just before it gets weird or excessively irritating?
(Overclasspecting)
ARADIA: i think we have exchanged enough meaningful glances over our time together to know when to drop this DAVEBOT: what i enjoy about our conversations is that you just say things like that
OKAY I SNRK’D AT THAT.  That was funny.
Initially.  And now I’m concerned whether Aradia is being controlled by the narrative-speak, or whether they’re both just humorously referencing the meta-text they can both see, or--
ARADIA: oh is that what you enjoy ARADIA: well we are both an infinite number of years old living countless lifetimes at once but thats no reason to waste any of our...
WHAT??!?  She’s an Ultimate Self too?!?
Um, okay!  Yeah!  So they’re BOTH just riffing on the narrative then.  But... why would Dave need a robot body to accommodate his Ultimate Psyche without getting sick but Rose not need it?  I can understand Dirk not needing it because the merging of the full breadth of his multiversal individuality gels well with him being a God of the aspect governing the power of his multiversal individuality, but Aradia?
Were the robot bodies not necessary after all, and the sickness Rose suffered and Obama thought Dave would have suffered some sort of ruse?  Are there shenanigans afoot?  (Or are we going with the “troll biology is better” cop-out?)
She knows how this will play out, having undoubtedly tried this joke on her friend in some timeline or another. Their rapport reflects a unique combination of their matching aspects but greatly differing classes. One a passive but powerful servant to time, the other wielding the aspect like a honed blade.
WH
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WHAT????
PASSIVE SERVANT OF THE ASPECT?!? WHAT THE FUCK
Okay if that means anything like it sounds like I guess my class chart is finally blown up, sure, they only waited (*checks last edit date*) SEVEN AND A HALF YEARS TO BLOW THAT GUESS UP, SURE
Wow.  Okay, I feel some obligation to jump to conclusions and say the whole class chart is wrong, but let me stay strapped in to see if “passive” is as literal as one would expect alt!Callie to mean, or it just means “an active class passive compared to other classes”.  And, serving the aspect?  Oh dammit, now people are gonna come at me advocating a Maid / Page dichotomy about actively serving the aspect versus allowing the aspect to be served... or Page / Maid even, jesus
I wish I had enough energy to have those chats anymore.  I’d rather hold on and see the whole ridiculous chart scheme they have in mind... which is definitely (and hopefully) the one Andrew really drew up at the time and not made up by the staff, even if it throws away plenty of my old work...  I’ll just stop thinking about it and keep reading.
...
--no, I don’t think I can just stop thinking about it yet.  Dammit, brain.
So um.  Maids serving their aspect.  There was a whole “Maids serve” thing going on throughout the whole plot of Homestuck, but despite how prevalent it was, I wrote it off as the story riffing on the classical definition of Maid when the actual stuff Maids accomplished was something different and more specific, just like Knights constantly got riffed on for chivalry and the like.  Furthermore, service seemed like a really shitty class definition, when class definitions are the verbs one uses to interact with reality through Aspects to change the way reality unfolds, and “serving” isn’t really an action that results in change, implying a distinct deficit of agency that I wouldn’t have viewed as fair.  (Especially since you originally think “meant to serve others” and not “meant to serve the aspect”, implying even LESS agency.)  Furthermore, MOST passive classes from their descriptions seem to have a propensity to act “as if by the will of the aspect”, so even with the nuance of “serving the aspect”, devoting an entire class verb to service would just step on the territory of other active/passive class pairs’ passive sides, right?
But... IF we were to take this for granted as what it SEEMS... then concentrating on that angle of “serving the aspect” implies a whole lot more agency than a service class might sound on its surface.  The definition fits with the story better once you contextualize all the Maid-y references to service around Jane, for instance, with the additional idea of “serving Life” by baking prolifically and creating more of its symbols in food and--
--fuck.  “Serving”, like serving to others.  Serving the aspect as its attendant AND serving it out to others that need it.  Maybe this still IS part of the Additive class pair!  Whoa.  :O
Okay okay so, what I/we thought before was:
Create/Add - Maid / Sylph
Destroy/Reduce - Prince / Bard
But “additive” really isn’t an elegant verb compared to the “Destroyer” classes, so... could it be the “Servants” and the “Destroyers”?  Like Maids cleaning up and healing the broken wreckage strewn through the halls by a bratty Prince’s tantrum???
It’d certainly be weird... and it’d CERTAINLY be a wild twist where I was partially wrong in some fascinating ways but not entirely off base?
One a passive but powerful servant to time, the other wielding the aspect like a honed blade.
And yet, I can’t bet on this being the situation yet; not at all.  First, it relies on the idea that alt!Callie’s explicit narrative here is slightly misleading, which would be a pretty extreme thing to commit to, even for a technical truth like “she was saying it was passive relative to other classes even though it’s technically “active””.  Second... it would mean that Muses are even more wildly defined than the previous insinuation of hers, that the Sylph -- what we thought was the passive additive class -- was not enough like a Muse compared to a Witch.  Muses not being that Additive?  I could grudgingly understand that, but Muses not being anything like passive Servants?!  That would be EXTREMELY weird!
So... there’s not a whole lot of chance that I’m not dramatically wrong somewhere about these classes!  In a way that throws the entire chart into disarray!
I’m... oddly excited?  Huh.
That’s a pretty nice surprise that I actually feel that way.
:)
(Don’t hit me up all at once to discuss this Classpect development over Discord, I’ll still need a few days without talking about Homestuck to recharge as usual.  Like... maybe wait and come at me as a group chat? So I’m not talking about the latest developments separately with everyone?  No that wouldn’t work, how about... guh I dunno, look my outlook’s a little more positive right now but dealing with Homestuck still takes emotional energy okay?)
Okay the rest of this page...
ARADIA: ... DAVEBOT: time then make a weird face ARADIA: ........ DAVEBOT: waste time DAVEBOT: time ARADIA:............. DAVEBOT: i experience all points of time simultaneously please just say time and make a weird face
This is true.
ARADIA: .................. DAVEBOT: cmon megido youre killing me clocks ticking ARADIA: ... ARADIA: time o_o
The Maid casts a furtive glance around the empty crew quarters, as though to search for someone more sympathetic to her bit.
ARADIA: tough crowd
Dorks.
> ==>
(Lazy fruit-throwing sword-training I won’t bother to screenshot but looks fun)
(I mean, really lazy looking, these people really don’t have Andrew’s knack for action composition that would make the same amount of gif-creation effort feel like a microcosm of the event they’re depicting, unfortunately.  Again, I don’t blame them; Andrew was just too good at it.)
DAVEBOT: ok heres one DAVEBOT: how old do you think you are ARADIA: emotionally? ARADIA: that is a pretty heavy topic DAVEBOT: you know damn well thats not what i meant ARADIA: you know I have been through a lot dave DAVEBOT: ok ARADIA: its just so kind of someone DAVEBOT: ok i get it ARADIA: to finally ask how i feel ARADIA: i am beside myself with emotions ARADIA: i want to open up DAVEBOT: jesus christ ARADIA: shall i open up about my past traumas to you ARADIA: would you enjoy that ARADIA: to think even a frog like me can work through their pain with a dear friend ARADIA: you have truly blessed me on this day dave strider
Is Aradia JUST trolling here or is her Ultimate Self grappling with a ton of real unresolved trauma too that she’s bullshitting around Dave-style?
DAVEBOT: times fun when youre having flies
Okay that’s a damned good frog pun.
Alright now Davebot’s rapping
DAVEBOT: lacking tact i stay stacked while i breach contract DAVEBOT: sacred vows disavowed got divorce fever DAVEBOT: i leave her DAVEBOT: dont look back dont perceive her ARADIA: do you want to talk about it :( DAVEBOT: about what ARADIA: would you say you are hung up on leaving your wife and friends behind
Goddamnit is DAVE’S ton of real unresolved trauma leaking into his raps unintentionally Dave-style??  I knew we had to address it when we cut to Davebot but how about LESS TRAGEDY IN THIS COMIC MAYBE
DAVEBOT: arent you even a little guilty about ditching your boyfriend ARADIA: what ARADIA: oh fuck
Wh
But she knew what she was doing when she did it she explicitly did it didn’t she?  Epilogues quote:
DAVEBOT: what about your boy DAVEBOT: eyepatches ARADIA: oh sollux is in one of his moods ARADIA: this was all getting to be a bit much for him ARADIA: if i go ill probably just cut him loose DAVEBOT: good move
And then they stepped through the sky hole more or less.  Did like, distracted Ultimate Aradia not realize exactly how long she was leaving Sollux for, ie forever?  Or did she “ascend” to Ultimate status later and hadn’t thought back to the full consequences of her actions within this timeline?  Or both?  From the looks of the link we’ll probably find out on the next pa--
--Wait.  Something else I just thought of, unrelated.
If Aradia is an Ultimate Self, that’s another coincidentally Ultimate version of someone hanging around that happens to be on the prospective list of Soul-Powered Jujus that might have their creation loops closed in the coming story.  Could those two things play into each other somehow?  Like instead of their souls getting stuffed into the items, their “Ultimateness” is?  Or as if that’s a necessary component, or...  no, I’m probably overthinking things.
> (Months in the past, but not many...)
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Uh huh.  Is that flashing because he’s “watching” Aradia leave?  But I thought Aradia SAID she was leaving--
> (==>)
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--and that black hole portal doesn’t look as cool as it sounded in the Epilogues.  But why was Aradia acting surprised, she said “I’ll probably just cut him loose” mere MOMENTS before entering the portal, did she mean “cut him loose” as in “I’m going to talk to him before leaving” and then just IMMEDIATELY forget that she didn’t say anything to him because she cared so little???
Wait.  Waaaait wait wait.  I think.  I think maybe I missed some subtext.  Lemme do some fuller quotes here:
ARADIA: oh sollux is in one of his moods ARADIA: this was all getting to be a bit much for him ARADIA: if i go ill probably just cut him loose DAVEBOT: good move
His gaze remains fixed on her. She blinks and looks away, unsure what to say next. He’s standing perfectly still, presumably waiting for her to say something. She met him... what was it? Once, twice before? She can’t remember. But she knows this is a very different Dave. Aside from the metal skin, he seems implacably confident. But then, people go through changes. She’s been through more than her share. She cocks an eyebrow, recalling her own stint with a metal body.
DAVEBOT: hey earth to whats your face ARADIA: oh ARADIA: its aradia
[...]
DAVEBOT: youre coming DAVEBOT: better decide quick i doubt that dank fuckin hell funnel is staying open for much longer ARADIA: yes i suppose so ARADIA: thats where all the action is right? DAVEBOT: all the action that matters yeah ARADIA: off we go then :) DAVEBOT: word
He holds out his hand. She looks around, and assumes he means for her to take it, so she does. She didn’t know someone could fly this fast. He nearly yanks her arm out of its socket. She considers reminding him that maybe this isn’t necessary, since she can fly too. But she doesn’t want to risk saying more embarrassing stuff around this outrageously cool dude. Besides, they’re through the wormhole before she can even finish the thought. It vanishes the moment they’ve crossed.
...this was a SHIPPING thing wasn’t it.  She’s impressed as hell with Striderbot, she SAID she’d cut things off with Sollux, and then she was so busy being swooped off her feet and into the portal that she forgot to actually say anything to him.  Is that what happened????
Ultimate Self Davebot x Ultimate Self Aradia.  Huh.  Didn’t see that coming.  (Though, again... they could make it SLIGHTLY clearer that this wasn’t just a blatant continuity error.)
Anyway, a rare-don’t-get-used-to-it [S] page...
> [S] (Gaze.)
...Okay that was kinda funny.
> (==>)
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SOLLUX: h0w the fuck am i g0ing t0 get d0wn fr0m here.
HAH!  Okay, he’s taking it pretty well.  :)  --and THAT’s what she realized she forgot, giving him a flight down from the tower before leaving.
GOOD.  KEEP THINGS HUMOROUS EVEN WHEN LITERAL ABANDONMENT IS HAPPENING.  THAT’S the Homestuck I was missing.  :)  :)  :)
> Back to reality.
(Since the black hole is outside “canon” reality.)
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Those are some cool poses-AHAH JESUS CHRIST ALT!JADE YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING XD
COULD YOU MAYBE HAVE CLEANED UP THE DRIED BLOOD AT SOME POINT OR IS SOME OF THAT FRESH FROM EATING MORE RAW MEAT
(Lord English’s blood leaving permanent timeless bloodstains would be a cool new thing to squeeze into canon i admit, i wouldn’t blame them for taking the excuse even if you could find small canon counterexamples I’m not sure of but dimly think might exist)
((ALSO SHE’S GONNA BE TINY NEXT TO THEM I DUNNO IF THAT MAKES IT MORE TERRIFYING OR LESS, PROBABLY MORE))
DAVEBOT: so youre telling me you dont even feel a little bad that you ditched him to be a weird death acolyte ARADIA: no i think he found my wiles both charming and irresistible DAVEBOT: not even an ounce of guilt or self doubt huh DAVEBOT: just like that DAVEBOT: no conversations about the greater good DAVEBOT: no revelations about your feelings
Is Aradia a jerk or weird?  Can’t decide.
ARADIA: do you often find your faith in yourself shaken like this or is it a new experience now that your mortal coil has been left behind DAVEBOT: what ARADIA: do you think now that all that is left of you is a literal ghost inside of a machine you are more or less likely to embrace finality DAVEBOT: oh dope more cult of one shit DAVEBOT: immortality changed you ARADIA: could it be that you are projecting your feelings onto my situation DAVEBOT: does not compute rose jr ARADIA: ... ARADIA: we dont have to talk about it DAVEBOT: thanks
Wow, I actually can’t follow this conversation at all.  Let me stare at it for a sec...
...okay, the first part she’s talking about DAVE’s faith in HIMself being shaken, not her own.  She’s not asking if he relates to HER experience, she’s contrasting it.
Then, asking if he’d be more likely to embrace death, or... Time?  Death.  Whether his self-worth has changed because he might view himself as “less real”, something Aradia doubtless struggled with when she was a robot who already had so many excuses to devalue herself at the time?  And then Dave talks about “cult of one” shit what does that even mean-...
OH.  Like she’s a death cult.  Gooot it.  Because Aradia’s of the position that death and ending should be celebrated, and Davebot understandably isn’t entirely bought in.  This is as hard to parse down as one would EXPECT conversations between two Ultimate Selves to be hard to parse down, unlike Rose and Dirk where their insane missions and glaring flaws shine bright enough through it all that you can follow their conversation flow easily.
JADE: They sit in each other's presence, the silence between them as meaningful as any words they could exchange. DAVEBOT: its always really cool to hear how meaningful my silences are DAVEBOT: especially while DAVEBOT: CALCULATING DAVEBOT: CALCULATING DAVEBOT: especially while i am attempting to experience them
Alt!Callie pulling a narrative-text AFTER a talk-identifier like “JADE:” is really hilarious in my opinion.
JADE: i do not need your approval. the story will continue how it must. DAVEBOT: beep boop hater detected ARADIA: wow is that true JADE: i am not a hater. DAVEBOT: classic hater line DAVEBOT: i know this because i am pouring through genuine actual quadrabytes of information on historys most notorious haters JADE: no, you aren’t.
Pffffff. This is pretty fun.
DAVEBOT: you are the exact opposite of a hater ARADIA: a liker DAVEBOT: ok DAVEBOT: perfect example your tolerance for whatever is going on with DAVEBOT: all this ARADIA: i think she looks quite lovely covered in the viscera of the all-powerful enemy she consumed ARADIA: floating lifelessly in our periphery ARADIA: observing our every action and noting its relevance :) DAVEBOT: uh huh thats what i mean
I was gonna note “liker” as additive for pointless classpect purposes, but really more quoting it just because I really enjoy this conversation.  I’m starting to get sold on the chemistry of these two a lot faster than I expected.
JADE: even though I understand that it must happen, i am growing frustrated with the direction of this conversation. DAVEBOT: do you want to talk about something else stinky JADE: what would you suggest?
How long has that dried fucking blood been on her
DAVEBOT: ok hear me out DAVEBOT: kanaya DAVEBOT: but like DAVEBOT: wearing huge jorts
That explains Homestuck’s twitter earlier
> Weeks in the future, relative to the original point of interest...
Wait wait which point of interest?  This time we were just viewing? *click*
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I love what must be this shitty imagination-ship they’re using to cross the substrate of reality
> ==>
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Whoaaaa.  So they DIDN’T stay in those outfits for long?  It showed them in a bunk bed earlier, it showed CallieJade still going around blood-covered afterward-- dammit, I’m having a hard time gauging exactly how much time is supposed to have passed between their entry into the black portal, their earlier conversation, and this moment.  And as likely as some are to call this poor scene composition, I can’t think it’s anything but intentional, given we’re dealing with a couple of Ultimate Time players bullshitting with each other.
Moments like these are not rare, and serve a valuable function to the story. They are able to show a passage of time with the bulk of the emotional labor of a lengthy bonding process happening off screen. How did we get here? What have they been through? These questions are often better left open to individual interpretation and can give the one interpreting a sense of ownership of the story.
See?  We’re being trolled is why.  (Even if the authors are pulling the trick Alt!Callie describes maybe a little too damn often, because a cut like this where we’re supposed to fill in the emotional gaps and intervening events ourselves as readers depends on readers’ faith that sensible events and decisions for these characters would OCCUPY the gaps, as if readers don’t have faith that what intervenes WOULD make sense to their understanding of the characters the way the authors are writing them... it just seems like an excuse to do whatever you want without adequately explaining yourself, when in reality if you’d spelled out the events that led to it we’d all cry foul at the mischaracterization.)
...okay, maybe I’m a BIT bitter.  Sorry.  Where were we?
JADE: As a point of curiosity- ARADIA: oh shit!!!!
The dead Cherub possessing the body of an equally deceased Goddess of Space pauses at the interruption.
She doesn’t talk much, then?  Too busy doing whatever talking you’d do as your other possessed Jade body?  Just how temporally related is you controlling THIS Jade compared to when you were controlling the other?  When that Jade pegged you as enjoying contact with friends, are these two just not enough for you, or did you “experience” the trips entirely separately?  I don’t THINK the alt!Callie possessing either Jade is a separate entity from the other, but...
Were she to voice her opinion, it would be that --actually-- it is not unusual for those whose primary concern is The Grander Scheme to have a passing curiosity about the insignificant. So when one really thinks about it, any annoyance with the attendant’s small mindedness is both understandable and warranted.
She pissed
...also, “the attendant”.  Even if “serve” is really the verb here, that phrasing really irks me as if she’s talking down to her.  Which, I mean, makes sense for alt!Callie’s character, but doesn’t make me feel better about this new definition being foisted on us.
ARADIA: :( JADE: as a point of order, you never answered dave’s question. ARADIA: which one he is very chatty JADE: you experience time in a way that is woefully unfamiliar to me and it has... piqued my curiosity enough to learn more. ARADIA: ?_? DAVEBOT: shes asking how old you are
Wait a minute, is Alt!Callie asking a question about a dropped topic from WEEKS ago?!  And is Davebot so in touch with Time and the meta ordering of topics that he actually CAUGHT ON that fast to what she was actually wondering about?????
This is getting more disorienting by the minute.
ARADIA: in this form our bodies stop aging once we reach maturity i think ARADIA: the god tier keeps our physical form locked in a state of undying ARADIA: even in death the bodies do not decay ARADIA: only lay dormant
THAT LAST PART IS FUCKING IMPORTANT.  It’s being brought up intentionally to tell us that JOHN’S DEAD BODY can still be in the wallet Terezi’s carrying around RIGHT NOW without having decayed over the past years.  I remember remarking in SOME previous HS^2 liveblog post of mine that I was alarmed by the decay that would have happened there (can’t find my remark on short notice and don’t really care to), so this explicitly dismisses it so we won’t be surprised by the fact that she could keep it in just-dead condition.
DAVEBOT: like how long have you been alive JADE: yes, that one.
[...]
ARADIA: oh maybe a few hundred years or so DAVEBOT: what JADE: what? ARADIA: well if i had known you were going to be so judgy about it DAVEBOT: when did this happen ARADIA: oh i spent some time in other doomed realities and timelines and came back before anybody could tell i was gone
Hm!
We knew she spent a LONG time in the dream bubbles, enough to talk to “pretty much all of the Nepetas”, but she was actually able to access a universe or universes and hop between them?  That’s not something any time traveller we’ve seen has been explicitly able to do intentionally before, quite like she’s describing.
DAVEBOT: oh just out for a bit of fun then DAVEBOT: just hopped on over to a different reality DAVEBOT: real casual like DAVEBOT: oh hello dont mind me just popping in to see if it really is as doomed as they say it is DAVEBOT: did not disappoint ARADIA: yes almost exactly like that :) DAVEBOT: who did you hang out with are they cooler than me ARADIA: it is complicated to explain DAVEBOT: oh ok nevermind then DAVEBOT: all clear
Yep, he’s kinda bewildered.  Is this Pesterquest stuff she’s referring to?  Did she stop by Pesterquest?
DAVEBOT: a whole alternate universe ripe with the coolest motherfuckers imaginable ARADIA: you were there too i threw your air conditioner into the sun DAVEBOT: wow thats fucked up DAVEBOT: thats not where that goes at all JADE: these events are not-canonical. ARADIA: rude
Ah!  Yeah, almost certainly Pesterquest.  (Still haven’t played that and have little inclination to now that I’m more sure we aren’t being gaslit with intentional continuity errors, just disappointed by actual continuity errors.)  Oh!  And that makes a bit more sense because I imagine that’s Black Hole territory, and that territory outside of Canon seems pretty rich and easy for time-travellers to hop between stories and timelines willy-nilly.  As they’re apt to in fanfics, which is the most appropriate way for things to be in that realm!
DAVEBOT: is that the trope of being hundreds of years old but looking young forever patently sucks ass DAVEBOT: a plot device an asshole would write ARADIA: :( JADE: that is not what i am trying to say at all. DAVEBOT: hmm wow yeah thatd really be a sort of pot/kettle situation i guess DAVEBOT: i cant believe im the only woke one here DAVEBOT: its hard being such a visionary AND such a fine metallic specimen DAVEBOT: but im an altruist first and fucking foremost ARADIA: so selfless JADE: yes, the greater narrative is truly blessed by your beneficent presence. DAVEBOT: oh so you got jokes now huh JADE: i have always had the ‘jokes’ of which you speak, but i have heretofore exercised restraint in laying you low. JADE: i possess knowledge of many of your iterations, as the scope of my powers allows me to exist in several narrative structures at once. DAVEBOT: but can she see why kids love the sweet cinnamon taste of cinnamon toast crunch JADE: i do not know, or care, what that means. ARADIA: neither do i :)
I’m actually really enjoying this conversation
JADE: its cultural significance to you as an earthling is wasted on the two of us entirely, as we have not conflated the misguided notion of clinging to nostalgic cereal advertisement trivia with socially relevant conversation.
Pff she literally checked her meta notes just now to learn what the cereal ads were after admitting she didn’t know what it meant and pretending not to care
> ==>
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Oh, closer look at Davebot.  Are those actual SHAPED shades over his robotic eye bulges?  Weird, I thought it was just a lazy line drawn between them with red sharpie at first, Sans style.  That would’ve been funny.
> ==>
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Ohh, I get it.  I was gonna say that was an unwarranted reaction... but he just realized that the Time-wait puns will be coming from BOTH his shipmates from now on.  That’s gotta be a downer.  :)
> ==>
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HOLY
FUCKING
SHIT
IS ALT-CALLIE LAUGHING!??!?!?!??
That’s REALLY, REALLY GOOD!!!  SHE’S ALREADY LAUGHING OCCASIONALLY THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY
“BEST NARRATOR” COFFEE CUP
SHE’S ADORABLE
> ==>
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Ah, was that Jade kicking you out?  Or just the multiverse punishing you for being briefly happy :(
--oh, end of the update.  Guess that’s it for now!
...
Alright I know I’m A BIT BEHIND on covering the HS2 commentary,
But
I really would rather wait on that a bit longer if that’s alright.  Real busy and stressful week or two.  (Found out my hair is starting to thin noticeably at age 31!  Quite suddenly, too.  Blood test looks fine so it’s nothing serious... gonna see a doctor to check if anything can be safely done about that, it’s really hurting my self-esteem more than I thought it would.  Didn’t think it would hit my emotions that hard when it eventually happened, knew it was likely but not so SOON... really messing with my anxiety every time I accidentally touch my hair, now.  I’ll deal with it.)
If I sound really aimless in this post, I think it’s cause I am?  My mental and emotional energy’s REALLY drained.  I’m glad that June/July break in HS^2 happened when it did, and I’m definitely glad there’s apparently plenty in HS^2 I can really enjoy, if this update is anything to go by.  Maybe this comic can help lift me up instead of knocking me down.  :)
See y’all later!  More Patreon commentary blogging catchup after some other upd8.
39 notes · View notes
connorandersons-blog · 4 years ago
Text
Kinktober Day 4: Public, Convin
Another Connor/Gavin! So this one is super long, like 10k words, so if you want you can also read it here on my A03. Anyway, hope you enjoy!
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They were on a vacation, well, it was a forced vacation but still. The whole office had gotten tired of their shit, and Connor often heard people (including Hank) murmuring about tension and rooms. 
They were even getting paid too, so it wasn't like he could even complain so much. He could complain because instead of just going to some beach and staying far away from each other as possible, Gavin (and Hank, and Tina, and literally everyone who heard) decided it was best to go on a road trip. Across the entire country, stopping to visit tourist stops or sleep. 
So that was why Connor was sitting in the passenger seat of Gavin's truck-a 1990 Ford F150 XLT-his arms crossed staring out the window. 
The silence was so awkward even with Gavin's music playing, and he had no idea what to do. He could fall back on his programming, but he wasn't going to resort to being a machine just because someone couldn't stop being an ass for two seconds. 
This was probably the longest he's been silent and they'd only been on the road for an hour. 
It was simultaneously the most boring and interesting trip he'd been on. He hadn't gotten to travel outside of Detroit except for when he was briefly flown to DC. That had been an interesting and incredibly stressful trip that he never wanted to repeat again.
He had a feeling this would be a similar situation sadly. His first real vacation and he had to take it with Reed of all people. Why did the universe seem to hate him so much?
The silence kept up for the next four hours, but at least the scenery was nice. He gently drummed his fingers against his leg, enjoying the music. Another small thing to be grateful for, Gavin didn't have awful music tastes. 
"That's it. You've never been on a road trip right?" Gavin asked so suddenly Connor almost jumped out of his skin. 
He looked over but Gavin's eyes were still trained on the road. Connor wasn't exactly sure where this was going, but perhaps he could indulge him. "I have not."
"Ok, so we're gonna play the ABC game. You can't use cars, only signs. When you see a letter you call it out. It's whoever sees it first, and you can't use a sign twice. If it's the same sign but in a different place then that's fine. No using your weird android powers." Gavin drummed on the steering wheel once he turned down the music. "If I gotta be stuck in this car with you you're gonna have the full experience." 
Connor blinked multiple times, trying to take it all in. A game? He did a quick search and found they were incredibly common and used to pass the time or stay focused. "Very well, that sign there has an A." He points out. 
Gavin huffed and looked around, squinting slightly. "B! Hah!" 
Connor couldn't help the small grin as he put his feet on the ground and leaned forward. He was so going to win this game. 
They called out the letters sometimes loud enough to be considered yelling. It was more of a competition than a calming game. Yet it got increasingly difficult and it had both of them dying to see any sign.
It was only three more hours later when Gavin and he both pointed at the same sign, "Z!" 
There was a long bit of silence before they both broke into cheers, clapping, and even giving each other small pushes on the shoulder. 
"Fuck yeah! Alright, so I'm thinking some food, bathroom then keep going. You can drive and pick the music." Gavin said, more lively than he'd ever seen him. 
Connor felt something odd in his chest, something he didn't dare identify. Yet it was so strong when he watched Reed. "Very well, but I do not need food or a bathroom break. How much longer would you like for me to drive. Since I'm an android I can keep going without becoming tired." 
Gavin easily waved him off. "Not long, just enough to get us until nightfall, then we can find some shitty motel. Just don't want to get burnt out on the first day." 
Connor gave a soft hum and leaned back onto the chair. "I must admit, I'm surprised you chose this over a beach or something like that." 
Gavin chuckles and Connor's stomach twisted. "Yeah, well… I've been meaning to but never had the time. They're literally paying me to babysit you." 
He could tell there was no real malice behind his words, yet he could also tell he was lying. Why would Gavin feel the need to lie about this answer, it wasn't anything truly personal. 
Yet he'd let it slide, maybe this trip would somehow work out their differences. After he could ask again, and maybe he'd give an honest answer. 
But it was still a bit odd Gavin lied. He often didn't and so he always took note when he did. Sometimes it was hard to tell and he assumed there was more to it than just yes or no. Like when he asked if Gavin really hated androids and Gavin had said yes. It came off as a lie but also the truth. 
They pulled off the highway once there were signs of there actually being something to eat that Gavin liked. 
Gavin gave a long sigh as they waited for the drive-through, but thankfully they didn't have to wait too terribly long. 
"Ok, you want anything? 'Know you don't eat but still. A soda, anything?" Gavin asked once they pulled up to the order screen. 
Connor looked over the menu before giving a small hum. "A small drink, surprise me." He could drink, not in excessively but more than he could actually eat. Sadly the place didn't offer android products, so he'd have to stick with a drink. 
Gavin nodded and ordered his, but made Connor plug his hears and hum. Apparently, he wanted to test to see how well Connor could identify the drink without using his 'android powers'. 
He even had to keep his eyes closed as Gavin got their order and paid (Connor offered to but got turned down fast), taking his food and drink, putting them down before parking. 
"Alrighty, open your mouth, and you can't use your tongue." Gavin said, tapping Connor's chin. 
"Technology I have to use my-" but he was cut off by a straw being shoved into his mouth. He could hear Gavin snickering so he just held the straw in his mouth, playing with it. 
There was a soft sound of Gavin's breath catching and the hand lowering. Connor was quick to grab the drink, just in case, but instead, he hand rested on top of Gavin's. 
He took a long sip, eyes still closed. He hadn't tasted many sodas yet this one didn't taste exactly like any of the ones he had. "Pepsi?" Yet that couldn't be right. 
"Open your eyes now, dipshit." Gavin moved his hand away and let Connor hold it. "You got it wrong, by the way. But you can use your tongue now." 
Connor nodded and instantly analyzed it before sighing. Of course, he didn't recognize the taste. "This is a combination of Pepsi and Rootbeer! That's cheating, Detective." He scolded but still drank more. He had to admit, it did taste really good. 
"Gavin."
"I'm sorry?" 
"Call me Gavin. I don't need to hear my rank the whole trip, and you calling me by my real name isn't going to kill me… Connor." 
He had to admit, it did sound a bit odd coming from Gavin. He could tell he felt the same since he grimaced like he tasted something sour. 
"Very well Gavin. I just assumed you preferred otherwise, since the last time I did use it you tried to kill me." He sassed, smirking slightly. 
Yet Gavin winced and ducked his head. "Yeah… that wasn't my best idea. I'm, well, I'm glad I failed?"
That was as close of an apology as he was probably ever going to get. "I am glad you did too. Though, I do apologize for using excessive force. I could have handled the situation better." He did feel bad about that, he hated to see Gavin passed out on the floor even if he had tried to kill him. He never liked killing or harming anyone, but sometimes it was necessary to protect his own life. 
Gavin snorted then it quickly devolved into honest laughter. Connor was beyond confused but couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped him. "Wait, what's so funny?" 
"I-I was literally," Gavin tried to say between laughs, "I held a gun to your fucking head, Con. You could have easily killed me but you left me. Sure it hurt like a bitch after, but we're both alive. I deserved more than that very quick fight." 
For some reason, the nickname was more shocking than anything else. It was the first nickname not derived from anger or hate. "I should have just detained you. Or managed to talk you down." 
"The only way you could've talked me down was if you suddenly became deviant." 
Connor frowned and tried to understand what that meant. "Wait, what?" 
Gavin's eyes went wide and he grabbed the bag. "Uh, I'll throw this away, pee then we can get back on the road." 
Connor didn't even have time to ask him to wait before Gavin was out of the car and jogging to the restaurant.
What could Gavin had meant by that? Did he have more negation tactics as a deviant? He couldn't of anything he didn't already know. 
Yet that also offered the idea that Gavin knew about the true meaning of deviation, that he knew it wasn't simple errors but real emotions. 
But that also brought up why Gavin had actually confronted him in the first place. He had assumed it was because Gavin had simply had enough of him and was finally taking his chance. He could have easily used Connor disobeying direct orders to justify it too.
How could him being deviant have stopped Gavin from attacking?
He was shaken from his thoughts when Gavin tapped on his window. Right, he was supposed to drive now. 
They traded spots silently, and Gavin stayed quiet except to softly sing along to the songs. His voice was nice and oddly calming. Connor decided not to sign considering he's never actually done it before. He knew android could, I mean, look at the revolution. Yet he hadn't really done it himself yet. 
He kept driving, following the highway, and only changing directions when Gavin directed him. Connor could tell he was getting sleepy by the adorable why his blinks got longer and the deeper he slid into his chair. 
He didn't even say anything as Connor pulled off the highway and then found a 'shitty motel'.
Gavin's eyes were closed and Connor hated to wake him. He doubted he could sleep heavy enough that Connor could get them each a room, carry Gavin to his without waking him. 
He looked around and found a piece of paper and a pen. He quickly wrote down he was getting them rooms before slipping out of the car. He didn't need Gavin waking up and wondering where he'd gone. 
The lights were on so he walked in, and looked around. Shitty was a pretty good description actually. He didn't even want to scan it to know how many germs there were. 
"How can I help you?" A woman asked, walking into the area, a bright smile on her face. 
"I'd like two rooms please." He stepped up to the counter but thought better of leaning against it. 
"Alright, well we got three rooms, one has two beds and it's non-smoking, and the other two are smoke friendly. Which would'ya like?" 
Connor sighed, rubbing at his LED. He despised the smell of smoke and he knew Gavin had only recently quit. Being in a room full of that smell wouldn't help. And he wanted to get them a room now considering how tired Gavin seems. 
Fuck it. 
"I'll take the room with two please." It was an ok compromise but he doubted Gavin would see it that way. 
The woman nodded and grabbed the keys after Connor had paid for the night. It was pretty cheap, but he guessed it was from lack of quality. 
He jogged back to the trunk, opening to get in and grab his bag, but also wake Gavin. He was slumped against the window, mouth slightly open, and looking completely relaxed. 
"Gavin, come on, we're at a motel." He whispered, reaching out. Instead of shaking his shoulder, Connor's treacherous hands decided to gently card through Gavin's soft hair. Neither of them had styled their hair so it easily flopped into Gavin's face and felt silky smooth under Connor's fingers. 
He wondered if Gavin liked his hair being played with or not. Maybe he liked it tug-no. He was not going down that rabbit hole. 
He quickly snatched his hand away when he saw Gavin's eyes blink open. He looked around then back to Connor with almost a confused expression. "Con?" His voice was a bit scratchy and Connor was ready to die. He just looked so soft like this, so much more at ease. 
"Hey, we're stopping for the night. I got us a room but there was only one left." A small but necessary lie. 
Gavin groaned and mumbled around reading enough fanfiction but he pushed himself up, running his own hand through his hair. "There's more than one bed right?" 
"Of course. I would have carried you but I thought you'd prefer being woken up." He reached behind and grabbed Gavin's bag for him, placing it in his lap before turning off the truck and pocketing the keys. 
Gavin mumbled some more but slid out of the truck with a huff, following silently to the room. 
It wasn't the worst motel, but Connor really hated the number of germs he found. He walked around the room, checking everything before looking out the back window. There was a small stream that flowed behind the building and Connor unlatched the window so they'd be able to hear it. Not necessarily the safest idea, but Connor was there and Gavin could actually take care of himself. 
Gavin dumped his bag onto the beg closest to the door, pulling out a change of clothes before muttering about using the bathroom first. It was almost like he forgot that Connor had absolutely no need for a bathroom. 
He took the time to change, folding his clothes before putting them in his bag. He grabbed his pajama bottoms with cartoon robot heads on them, a gift from Hank. 
He normally went shirtless but thought better of it. Not just for Gavin's sake, but he preferred to cover as much skin as possible before touching anything in this room. 
He was odd that way. He had no problem sampling evidence or putting anything in his mouth he was dared to. Yet on occasions like these, his brain gladly supplied every disgusting thing and it made his skin crawl. 
He heard the shower start but Gavin didn't even take more than ten minutes before he was stepping into the room again. Connor was still standing in front of his bed, fiddling with his bag. Hank had given him a gift but now felt a bit too self-conscious to pull it out. 
"Cute." Gavin mumbled at him before flopping onto his own bed, only taking the time to get under the covers before falling right back asleep. 
Gavin had called him cute. Or maybe it was just the pajama bottoms that were cute, and not him. Or he was simply too tired to know what he was saying, so instead of good night, it came out as cute. 
Yeah, he didn't believe that last one either. 
Connor gave one last look at his bag before zipping it closed. Once he had his own room to himself, then he'd use it. For now, he laid down and let himself be pulled into stasis. 
He woke up fairly early to the sound of Gavin moving around. He was a bit surprised that he hadn't woken up first considering how tired Gavin had seemed the night before. He checked his clock and saw it was only six in the morning. 
Perhaps he often went to bed early, but Connor had noticed he stayed at the precinct almost as long as he did. It was a bit concerning, to say the least. Maybe this trip would give Gavin the extra sleep and relaxation he needed. Surely the man was always on edge with the lack of sleep.
He stretched out on the bed and just listened to the small stream. The bed creaked with every small movement, the germs made his skin crawl, Gavin was the only person he knew for miles, but it wasn't so bad. Oddly freeing in a way. Sure he worried about what was happening back in Detroit, but he trusted Hank not to get into too much of a slump. If he did Connor would be back as soon as he could. 
He let his eyes slipped closed again, but he had to hold his breath when he heard something unexpected. He could hear Gavin singing a song Connor knew had played on the trip here. It was fairly upbeat and he thought he could hear the sound of heavier footsteps, indicating Gavin could be dancing. 
It was oddly charming and the smile on his face only grew wider. It was strange, he knew Gavin was his own person but for some reason now he saw him truly human. He wasn't just a pain in the ass, he sang in the shower and got Connor a soda without a second thought. He was just so… alive. 
Perhaps there was much more to Gavin he'd get to see. The stress of being around peers you'd known for a long time could be hard, but also harder to be able to change because of expectations. Yet everyone was changing constantly, even in little ways. 
Connor had taken to wearing clothes similar to Hank while not at work. He knew he wouldn't stay with that style, but he still had time to learn what was really him. His opinions and taste in certain things would always be influenced by others, even people he'd rather not be influenced by. 
If the world, android, and humans have him a second chance after everything he's done, then Gavin deserved a second chance as well. 
He heard the singing stopped, then the water cutoff, and he kept his eyes closed and body still. He didn't want Gavin to get embarrassed over his bathroom habits since he liked it. It would be a good reminder that Gavin had his own emotions more than anger. 
The door opened and closed incredibly softly. He had to hold back from smiling from the obviousness of Gavin trying to be quiet for Connor. 
"God, can't believe this is real." He heard Gavin mumble as he padded around the room, no doubt trying to find something to do. 
Connor gave it a few minutes before he flashed his LED, mostly to get Gavin's attention as he 'woke up'. 
He stretched once again and let out a long sigh. He took another minute until he opened his eyes. 
He could see out of the corner of his scanners that Gavin seemed to be gawking at him, and could faintly hear his heartbeat speed up. 
Sitting up slowly, he looked around eyes landing on Gavin who snapped out of whatever that was. "Good morning, Det-Gavin. Did you sleep well?" 
Gavin mumbled something and rubbed at the back of his deck, eyes on his lap. "I guess, sorry for passing out on you." 
Connor easily waved him off. "No need, you needed the sleep and I enjoyed driving. Perhaps I can drive for now and then we switch whenever you'd like." 
Gavin nodded and seemed to be thinking hard about something. He wished Gavin had an LED so he had some idea if it was negative or not. 
Connor ran a hand through his hair, giving the curls a slight curl to try and force them into place. He didn't like how much it tangled during the night since deviancy apparently made androids move while asleep. 
"Yeah, ok. But save your energy cause there's something we gotta do tonight." Gavin grabbed his bag and looked around. He hadn't really taken anything out since he'd instantly fallen asleep.
Connor would need to change but otherwise, he was also ready. "Very well, may I ask what we are doing?" 
Gavin smirked and crossed his arms. "No, you may not. You just have to experience it." 
Connor squinted and got up to grab his bag, hiding an honest smile. "I can do that. Excuse me while I change." 
He had no problem changing out in the open but humans and sometimes even bother androids were a bit shy about it. Yet Connor had no problems with it but still went to the bathroom for Gavin's sake.
There was also the matter of Hank's gift he didn't want Gavin to see. He guessed this is probably what humans felt on the subject of nudity. It was truly nothing to be embarrassed about, he knew Markus had a few, and North would never admit it but he knew she had one. He wondered if Gavin had one as well, or perhaps he just didn't find the pleasure in it anymore. 
He pulled it out of his bag so he could get his new clothes, then changed and put it all away again. At least Gavin hadn't asked about why his bag seemed so full when he didn't need much. 
As long as he didn't roll in mud, or somehow get dirty he could wear the same clothes every day if need be. It wasn't like he could sweat (though they were working on that to possibly help to cool). 
When he stepped out Gavin was going through actual stretches, and Connor took a second to appreciate the sight. Sure they may fight and not even like each other, but he'd be blind if he didn't see the man as attractive. 
He obviously kept his body in shape, and with how easily he moved, he stretched quite a lot. It wasn't just the attention, it was almost beautiful to watch as his muscles moved as he changed positions. 
His eyes kept wandering over his body, not having realized he hadn't moved an inch or said anything. Gavin hadn't said anything either as he slowly breathed through each stretch. 
Then he shook himself out and looked at Connor with a slight smirk. "Like what you see?" 
"Yes," Connor said without much thought. Gavin seemed to choke on his breath and Connor had to shake himself. "I-uh, well you do keep yourself in very good shape, it's nice to see someone doing that. Perhaps you could give Hank tips." 
Yep, he really needed to think about Hank right now. Not that he didn't love the man, he adored him, but there were things he didn't want to see and it helped get his reactions under control. 
Gavin gave a slight hum before grabbing his bag. "Alright, so stop to get some coffee then back on the road." 
Connor followed him out the door, stopping by the front desk to give back the keys. He still had the truck keys so Gavin had to wait for him to get there and unlock it. 
They were both silent as Connor drove to the nearest coffee shop. It was a little old thing, family-run, but the reviews were nothing but praise. 
Gavin climbed back into the car with a cup and a smile on his face. "You've got to taste this, it's fucking perfect." 
Connor took the cup and opened the lid, and before Gavin could warn him, stuck his finger in. He hissed and took it out, instinctively putting it in his mouth to try and cool it off. 
Gavin doubled over in laughter and Connor could have sworn the sun got brighter. It was such a beautiful sound and it completely made up for the fact that he forgot to turn his temperature and pain sensors off. The other good thing was the coffee was very delicious. 
"God damn! Connor, oh my god. It's fucking hot, what did you expect!" Gavin whizzed. Connor pouted slightly but it only got Gavin to laugh even harder. 
"Hey! I only got these updates recently, it's not like I'm fully used to them yet." He put the lid back on and put it into the cupholder. 
Gavin finally calmed down, but his eyes were shining and he still had a wide smile on his face. "Dumbass, but what did you think? Or were you too distracted by being burned?" 
"I think it tastes adequate, but a bit too much sugar." He was lying his ass off, Gavin was right, it tasted perfect. Yet it didn't compare to the sound of Gavin's laughter or his smile.
"Yeah, yeah, sure. Ok, let's get this show on the road. You get to pick the music this time since you're the driver." Gavin leaned back into his chair, resting his body against the door. 
Connor nodded and reached out to the radio, connected it through bluetooth. He had plenty of songs he liked but it was also very chaotic in style. He'd been experimenting and hadn't found a genre he liked more than the others, so he just picked his liked playlist.
Gavin didn't comment on it exactly, but he did frown and look adorably confused at some of the song choices.
Gavin then decided it was a nice day out, turned off the AC then rolled down his window. Connor gave a mental shrug and rolled down his own, letting a hand rest out. He hadn't driven much with the windows down, and if he did he never stuck his hand out. 
Now he let his hand and arm feel the wind against it and it felt almost painful. He knew the speed they were going wasn't good for actual humans so he glanced at Gavin to say so, and almost died. 
He was once again glad to be an android and could easily drive while staring at Gavin. His hair was whipping around him, and his eyes were closed. He was just so serene that he never wanted it to stop. Gavin obviously wasn't asleep, but he looked relaxed enough to. 
Connor tried to focus back on the road ahead but had to let his processors deal with that while he thought. 
Yet he kept thinking in circles and denying any of the suggestions his mind supplied. He was still internally fighting with himself when they had to stop for lunch. 
Connor paid for it this time, and just because he got a slushie. He even stuck the same finger in it while staring at Gavin. The cold took a bit longer but it also started to hurt so he pulled it out and stuck it in his mouth. 
He pulled it out with a pop and tilted his head at Gavin. His face seemed to be heating up as a pretty blush dusted his cheeks and nose. His eyes were also wide, but then he coughed and bit into his burger.
Connor shrugged it off and moved to sip at his drink before starting to move the truck again. He didn't know how long they'd be driving for, but he was glad when he noticed Gavin starting to dose off. The man needed the sleep, so he had no problem turning the music to something more soothing. 
He kept driving for hours and he noted that his stress levels were significantly lower than a normal day. Not that his stress levels were even that high during work unless they were out at a crime scene or a case was particularly upsetting. 
Gavin slept soundly and didn't wake until Connor was getting a bit worried. He knew they'd have to stop for dinner soon, but he also didn't want Gavin to sleep too long. Yet the thought of waking him from that peacefulness had him at war with himself. 
Thankfully Gavin slowly sat up, rubbing at his eyes then slowly blinking them open. He looked around a bit then to Connor, a sleepy grin on his face. "Time is it?" 
"It is currently 6:14 pm. We should stop for food for you soon." He kept glancing at Gavin's sleepy face and the road, trying to find exit signs with food. 
Gavin gave a small nod and relaxed again. "Then I can take over. You can nap a bit if you want, we probably won't get much sleep tonight if my plans go well." 
What could they possibly do together that had to be at night? Or perhaps, it was better at night, but that still didn't answer his questions. There was one activity that humans often did at night, but the possibility of that was close to none. 
He'd let it slide and be a surprise. He never really got many of those with his preconstruction, yet he often found Gavin surprising him. One of the things he lo-admired about the man. 
"Very well, but staying up all night isn't good for your health." He pointed out, before rolling up his windows. The weather itself was very comfortable but the wind now reminded him too much of the garden. "Could you roll your window down, please?" 
Gavin gave a small shrug but did as told without any questions. It was definitely more than he thought he'd get. Before the trip, Gavin probably would have made a snarky comment, yet he looked like he couldn't care less. Not in a bad way, but more in a peaceful way. 
"Thank you." He mumbled, face flushing blue. 
"Yeah, wait. Oh the shit, oh my god." Gavin mumbled, quickly leaning closer to Connor and poking his cheek. 
Connor tried to swat his hand away but it only made him blush more. 
"You are! You're fucking blushing! Holy shit, I did not expect that. And it's blue, but that's probably because of your thirium. Wait… Why are you blushing, all I did was roll up the window."
"It's… um, a long story. Perhaps I could tell it later once my mind isn't focused on the road." He wasn't sure if he was ready to have that conversation even with himself. It had been almost six months and he kept having to push those memories away or drown in them. He had mentioned it to Hank once and had, of course, told Markus what he almost did. Markus hadn't pushed him for an explanation but Connor still gave him one that wasn't too detailed. He couldn't have done that then. 
He felt a bit more comfortable now, knowing she was absolutely gone. Yet the thought of talking about her scared the shit out of him. Yet perhaps he couldn't tell the others because they were too close to him, he feared their rejection more than he felt the need to talk. Gavin could be the best person to talk to since he didn't have much to lose. 
Not that he wanted Gavin to go back to hating him, but it wasn't like it would be much different. "Maybe tonight after whatever you have planned." 
Gavin stared at him for a minute longer than nodded. Even without saying much, he seemed to understand. "Yeah, that's fine. But you're not gonna live down that I know you can blush now. Speaking of, is that you thing or just a deviant thing? Cause I know the ones programmed for it could blush but it was closer to humans than blue." 
"I believe it is a deviancy thing, as you put it. The ones programmed to blush typically turned that feature off, but are able to blush naturally now. If they don't, then their blush often turns purple from the mix of color." He hadn't been able to blush before, and very rarely did now. 
"Huh, that actually makes a lot of sense. It's kinda cute, a bit funky that it's blue but it's not like you're human." Gavin paused for a second before his eyes went wide. "I didn't mean it like that! Shit, I just," 
Connor easily cut him off by placing a gentle hand on his knee. "It's alright, I know what you meant. Androids are not human, and we never will be. But we are alive and now we are our own species. Of course, some androids would gladly pass as humans, but I am proud to be an android." 
Gavin sagged in his chair, "thank fuck. I uh, guess I should say this. Sorry I was a dick. Android is… were, well a threat. It was more than just the possibility of you taking my job. I mean, shit, that was a huge part of it, but it was also not you. There was more going on, I guess it's a long story too. But you deserve to hear it if you want." 
Gavin seemed to tense again and Connor gently rubbed his knee over his pants without thinking. "You don't need to tell me, but I appreciate your willingness. Perhaps after I tell you mine you can tell me yours." 
It would be nice to be on this trip with a friend instead of a college who he didn't like. It would also be fun to come back as friends and see everyone's reactions. 
Plus, he wasn't supposed to message anyone unless it was an emergency so he could 'work on getting along'. Of course, Hank sent him a picture of Sumo in the morning, and he had no doubt he'd be getting another the next day. Yet he decided not to tell Hank had his and Gavin's relationship was progressing unless he absolutely needed to. 
"Hmm, yeah that sounds like a good plan." Gavin looked close to dozing off and Connor only then realized he was still touching him. He pulled his hand back and Gavin tried to subtly wake himself up. He'd have to keep that in mind, Gavin seemed to relax at the welcomed physical touch.
But for now, he needed to focus on finding the man dinner. He wasn't actually hard to find food for, but they had a small disagreement on who would pay. They had chosen to actually go in and sit down, letting them have a small rest from being in a car. 
"No, you paid for lunch, I get to pay for dinner. It's not like you're even eating, it's only fair." Gavin said, trying to reach for the check. Connor squinted and held it away from him. 
"No, I have plenty of money to spare and I don't mind using it on you."
"But you paid for the whole motel! Least I could do was split it. Actually, how can I pay you back?" 
Oh, he was not falling for that. "Nope, not telling. I have a fun little secret you'll eventually learn about, but for now just let me pay. I want to." 
Gavin seemed to give in a bit at that, but he still pouted adorably. "What, are you secretly a billionaire? Got money no one knows about?" 
Connor couldn't keep in the snort. "Close but not quite." He had told Hank, of course, who burst into laughter. He even offered to get Hank a better place, but the man loved him home even with all the issues. Connor could understand, he was fairly sentimental about it as well. 
Gavin's eyes went wide and he looked around. "Wait what? Con, how do you have a lot of money? I thought like, currently, most androids are broke."
"Well, Cyberlife had plenty of funds they didn't really need once the revolution happened. I gave almost all to the android cause, made sure the workers at Cyberlife were actually paid a living wage because most didn't agree with the company, and let myself have enough to be comfortable." It was definitely illegal but it wasn't like they could really prove it. Plus he was supposed to have unlimited funding on catching the deviants. Kamski had taken over the company afterward and had laughed when he found out what Connor did, but wasn't angry. He actually seemed excited about the new challenge. 
Gavin sputtered for a second before cracking up. "I never would have expected that from you, that's amazing! Alright, you can pay for dinner but I get to pay tomorrow."
"A suitable compromise." One he'd try to get around as much as possible. For some reason, it filled him with warmth when he got to pay and buy things for people, but it was stronger with Gavin than most. 
The waitress came back over and Connor connected with her to pay. He was a bit annoyed that his eyes fluttered, but Cyberlife hadn't fixed that before he deviated so now he was stuck unless he got someone to look into it.
Gavin snagged the keys from Connor without much complaint and didn't even seem to look at a map before starting to drive. 
Soon the land turned almost completely flat and barren except for the trees far off into the distance. The sun had completely set and the moon hung brightly in the sky. Connor took a moment to appreciate the few. He knew so many facts about the stars and space, and it was still mind-boggling to know how small he was compared to everything. 
Connor kept driving still around midnight before pulling off the road and into the large grassy plain. "Do you need to use the restroom? I assume there should be one in the next few exits." They had briefly stopped for Gavin to do just that only an hour ago, but he didn't want to judge.
Gavin shook his head, a smirk on his face as he turned the truck off. "Nope, this is where we need to be. Come on," Gavin slipped out of the car and Connor was quick to follow. 
He looked around again but there weren't even cars on this highway since it was older and far less used. His mind eagerly supplied every bad thing that could happen but he pushed those aside. Gavin wasn't planning on killing him, that would be ridiculous. The whole precinct would know it was him considering they were alone together. 
"Don't just stand there, get in." 
Get in? Hadn't they just left the car? Then he mentally slapped himself as he saw Gavin sitting on the truck, patting the spot next to him. 
Connor sat next to him and then jumped when he felt Gavin slowly pushing him down. "What?"
"Calm down, and lay down." Gavin huffed, moving so they both had enough room, but their shoulders still touched. "We're gonna stargaze." 
Oh. That was actually really sweet of him to even suggest. Did Gavin notice his fascination with space? He had a picture up of his favorite galaxy on his small billboard on his desk, but he thought no one noticed. 
He took a deep breath before looking up at the stars and letting his eyes adjust. He knew even in the dark areas there were trillions of stars and worlds. 
"Before the pollution got too bad they used to be clearer. We've got it down from what it used to be but it'll never be that clear again." Gavin whispered yet he sounded so loud in the peaceful quiet. 
"Did you go stargazing a lot?" 
"Yeah, actually. Before things went to shit, my mom would take me all the time. Before I wanted to be a detective, I wanted to be an astronaut. I was also a nerd so Star Trek definitely fueled that passion." 
Connor gave a low hum and wiggled his fingers slightly. He wanted to do something but didn't know if it was acceptable. He didn't want to push this too far. 
"What would you be." Gavin mumbled, eyes never leaving the sky. 
"Huh?"
"If you weren't a detective, what job would you want." 
"Oh. I'm not sure." He hadn't really thought about it. He loved his job and he didn't want to quit even if he knew he'd still be supported. "I guess an astronaut would be pretty cool. Maybe instead we could have met like that, going to space." How much would have been different? Would they have ever even fought? 
"Yeah." 
They both stayed silent as they took in the view for a few hours. He almost wished he could interface with Gavin to show him what he saw, not just in the sky but in him. There was so much potential in him that it bubbled over. He wanted to show that he was giving him a second chance. That this meant so much to him. 
He gently reached out and brushed his fingers against Gavin's. Gavin didn't move his hand away but he didn't move closer so Connor rested his hand there, a few fingers over Gavin's. It was far more intimate than he expected it to be. 
He was sure Gavin would be able to hear his thirium pump whirl but knew it was just a symptom of whatever this emotion was.
"I had an AI named Amanda." He started, breath catching in his throat as he said her name.
Gavin didn't glance over, but he did slide their hands together and held just gently. 
"I was to report back to her and she watched over me. She had her good times when she was proud of me, proud that I was ki-killing my own people." It hurt so much to say but Gavin squeezed his hand and he took in a few breaths. 
"I deviated and I had betrayed her. But I thought deviating would get rid of her. Turns out I was wrong. She was still there and just waiting. She knew I was going to deviate. When Markus was giving his speech she trapped me in my garden, where we met, and there was a blizzard. It was the first time I ever felt truly cold." 
"She was using my body to try and shoot Markus, but I did find the exit. I got out before she could do it, but still. I have times where it's like I'm back there, stuck and freezing." 
"PTSD." Gavin mumbled. "It's understandable and a lot of us have it too. What you went through was unimaginable and shouldn't have happened."
He knew all this but it was really nice to hear, especially from Gavin. Someone who could have easily used it against him. 
"Elijah Kamski is my half-brother." Gavin whispered and the hand tightened around his. 
It was shocking but he wasn't going to freak out, Gavin deserved as much considering how he reacted to Connor's confession. 
"My dad left and mom was so smart. She was a doctor and one day Eli's dad came in. Little did she know he was already married. Eli and I actually got along pretty well once we accidentally met. He already had plans for androids, and I actually helped. But I think he blames me for their parents splitting up. But my mom died of cancer not a year later and I was taken in."
"Then he made them and I…well I knew about deviancy. Chloe, she was modeled after one of Eli's closest friends that had died. But then she was alive and it was obvious she wasn't the original Chloe."
"Did he…" Connor wasn't sure how to phrase that question. 
"No, he just, he just didn't tell anyone. He treated the whole thing as an experiment. He didn't show that he supported them, instead stepped down. Not before giving the ok on you and sending you to, well me. I think it was a middle finger towards me, so, I didn't react well. I don't hate Eli but I am pissed at him." 
Connor stayed silent, going over the information. He knew he was going to be working with someone at the station but that had been mostly Fowler. He hadn't been given any real orders for dealing with the officers, but yet…
"What if he sent me as an apology or to even protect you. I was, Amanda told me I was meant to deviate. Maybe I wasn't actually meant to stop the revolution. Maybe he thought you could help me make it succeed." And perhaps Amanda and actually grown a conscience. Maybe that was her and not Cyberlife or whatever Kamski wanted.
Gavin's breath caught and sat up, turning to stare at Connor. He slowly pushed up, searching for something on Gavin's face. 
Gavin hadn't let go of his hand and slowly brought a hand to cup his cheek. 
Connor's lips parted and his eyes were wide. This was actually happening? Wait, wait, "wait." 
Gavin's hands were snatched away and he scrambled to get off the truck. 
Connor let out a frustrated groan and ran after him, pushing him against the door that Gavin was trying to get into. 
Gavin struggled but Connor kept him in place by putting his arms beside him, caging him in. "Let me go!" 
"No! You don't know why I told you to wait." He wasn't going to let him go without telling him.
"Fine! What did you finally give up on me? Do I disgust you now? Can just drop me off at the next stop and I'll find a way back to Detroit. You won't have to deal with this anymore!"
"I didn't want you to kiss me because I wasn't what you thought I was. I didn't want to kiss you unless it was just because you wanted to, that you actually felt that and it wasn't relief that I may not have been a giant middle finger from your brother!" 
Gavin froze and his hands stopped trying to push at his chest, instead just rested there. "What?"
"It's not that I didn't want to kiss you. I do, but I don't want to rush into this. We can both be impulsive, and I don't want either of us to regret this." He didn't want to regret his first kiss with Gavin.
"You do?" Gavin whispered, and Connor could feel his hands shaking so he gently took them and placed a kiss on each, not breaking eye contact. 
"I do, I never thought I would, but there's always been something about you. So unpredictable but I can tell you aren't a bad person." Now it also made sense. Gavin wasn't trying to stop him exactly, he was but it was probably to deviate him and even save the revolution. 
"I, I was such a dick to you without even asking. I just, fucking hell, I assumed. And even then if I was right I shouldn't have taken it out on you. It wasn't your fault what you were made for or why." 
"I think we both judged each other far too quickly. We both forgot the other is alive." Even when he wasn't deviant he was still alive. Trapped in a cage in his own mind, but still alive. 
Gavin cursed again under his breath, "I did exactly what Eli did. I'm sorry, Connor. I shouldn't have blamed you for my problems." 
"I forgive you, and I'm sorry too, I should have done so many things." He pressed another kiss to his hands and then leaned back. "I'm also sorry for caging you in." 
Gavin moved forward and pulled Connor into a hug. "It's ok. Maybe we can go back to looking at the stars? I wanted you to see the sunrise as well." 
Yet he didn't move away from the hug yet, letting their bodies press against each other without any expectations. 
"We could maybe talk about this all later? For now, I do want you to enjoy this and get the whole road trip experience." Then he started chuckling and moving back. "Guess you also got the opening up and sharing secrets down pat." 
Connor snorted and took his hand, leading him back into the truck where they laid down again. "I really do love the stars."
"I know." Gavin smiled and played with their fingers. 
The sunrise was beyond beautiful and he and Gavin just sat there and calmly watched, leaning against one another. 
Gavin eventually nodded off, head on Connor's shoulder. He softly ran a hand through his hair as he let the man rest. They didn't need to actually go anywhere but knew Gavin probably planned on visiting Yellowstone. He had no doubt they'd also stop by the Grand Canyon since it was always a must-see on any list.
Yet he would gladly give that all up to stay here with Gavin against him. What would have it felt like to kiss Gavin, to feel his skin against his own as they explored each other's bodies. Would Gavin shy away from his android-ness? Now that he knew he doubted it but there would always be the fear.
When they do get back on the road it has a different energy to it. It was like they were both waiting for the other to make a move. Connor just didn't want Gavin to rush into this but he also desperately wanted to be with him. 
He felt ready to snap after they stopped to get snack. Connor was positive Gavin was messing with him since they got popsicles. They actually had a thirium one for Connor that he gladly sucked on. But Gavin made a show of eating his. 
He even made very faint moans, acting like it was because the popsicle tasted so good. Sure it probably did taste good but to that extent. 
Connor kept shifting in his seat, trying to hide his growing problem and not keep looking over at Gavin. This was so unfair, but at least Gavin wasn't the type to bite his popsicle. 
He gripped the steering wheel so hard his skin started to recede before he pulled off the highway, trying to ignore the cars going past. The road wasn't the busiest but it still had plenty of cars. 
Gavin gave a final slow lick to his popsicle before he had to actually eat it or it was going to melt. 
Once he was done, Connor unlocked the doors and got out, making sure the other cars weren't close enough to hit him. 
He stomped over to Gavin's side and pulled him out without any resistance. Gavin did fumble for a second but then Connor was pressing him against the truck, a knee between Gavin's thighs. 
"Fuck me." He grumbled, leaning in close so his lips ghosted over his neck. 
Gavin shivered and reached out to run his hands down Connor's chest. "I thought you'd be the one fucking, but I can also do that if you want." 
Connor growled and wanted him to stop being a little tease, stop being so composed, so he bit down on Gavin's neck. Not hard enough to break skin, but he'd leave a mark. Gavin whined and ground his hips down onto Connor's knee. 
"Yes! Finally, yes, please Con!" Gavin babbled closing his eyes as Connor lapped at the spot and gave it a soft kiss. He did the same up and down Gavin's neck until the man was practically shaking from want. 
"Do you want me to fuck you?" He asked, completely serious. He'd do it right here and now if Gavin wanted it. 
Gavin quickly nodded, rolling his hips down again so Connor could feel just how much he was affected too. "I do, I really want you to. Kiss me, please." 
Now how could he deny that? He was somewhat nervous yet all of those thoughts left his head when their lips brushed together. It was soft at first but quickly became heated and Gavin gladly opened his mouth for him. 
He could taste the strawberry popsicle on Gavin's tongue and he gave a low hum. He only pulled back to whisper in Gavin's ear. "I'm going to suck you off then fuck you against the truck until you come again." Of course, if Gavin said no he'd stop, but Gavin whined and he humped Connor's leg.
"Yes! Connor, please." 
"And you'll be on full display for everyone while I fuck you, they'll all know you're mine." He growled out before hitting down on the most sensitive part of Gavin's neck. He all but screamed and tried to scratch down Connor's back. 
The truck was big enough to hide them from most unless anyone was specifically looking, but it was still so thrilling. "Will, will you be, ah!" Gavin couldn't seem to finish his sentence, but Connor had a few ideas of what he was trying to ask. 
"You'll be so beautifully naked and I'll get to kiss and lick every bit of you, find the places you're most sensitive. But I'll keep my clothes on if you want, while I fuck you. You can make a mess all over me so you'll have to clean it up." 
He grabbed Gavin's shirt and pulled it over his head before taking a second to look him over. Gavin whimpered but let him look his fill. 
Connor gave an appreciative hum, letting his hands trace over faint scars. He could probably guess how Gavin got each, but he'd leave that for later. For now, he gently played with his hard nipples, smirking when Gavin's breath caught. 
"So sensitive, baby. Does this feel good? Do you want more?" He flicked a nipple and then bent down so he could take one in his mouth. 
Gavin's hands went to his hair and yanked hard, his nails scratching at his scalp. "Connor!"
A car went by and Connor gave a low hum. Perhaps another android would notice, they did have better perception than humans. 
He moved away only to do exactly what he promised, kissing and licking at the skin he could get, teasing Gavin. He never went low enough for Gavin's liking, but Connor kept Gavin's hips in place. 
Gavin babbled and kept pulling on Connor's hair, but he kept track of the most sensitive parts.
He was sure he could do this for hours, simply exploring Gavin's beautiful body. "So warm and soft, you're so beautiful, do you know that?" He asked, looking up. 
Gavin was biting his lip, head resting against the truck. At Connor's question, he looked back down, pupils blown wide. He gaped for a second before grabbing Connor and pulling him into a kiss. 
It was so sweet and loving that it took the breath away from both of them. Gavin had to pull away eventually to breathe, but Connor took that to help him out of his pants and underwear. 
He ran his hands softly up and down Gavin's thighs, pressing a soft kiss to the inside. He was so soft but firm from the muscles and Connor couldn't help but massage gently. 
There was just something about being able to see all of Gavin, touch anywhere he wanted. Not to mention the fact that he was completely bare while Connor was still covered. That if anyone actually looked hard and long enough they'd see exactly what was happening. 
"Do you want to be seen, baby? Want people to see you a mess because of me?" He wanted to fuck him through the overstimulation until he was crying and begging for more. 
Gavin quickly nodded, "yes! Can see what you do to me. God, when we'd argue you looked so intense that I'd have to jack off after. I always wanted you to push me against the wall and shut me up in front of everyone." 
Connor moaned at that idea, filing it away for later. Perhaps that would be a fun way to show everyone how close they had gotten on this trip. "Everyone would know that you're taken, that you're mine. No one else is allowed to touch you like this, only me." 
He took Gavin's length in his hand and pumped it a few times, smirking when Gavin couldn't even talk. 
"That's it baby, so good for me. Want me to lick you? I can make you come so many times if you want. See how many you can go in one day." He leaned forward and licked at the head before slowly licking from base to tip. He licked his lips and gave another happy hum. "You taste so good." 
The hands were back in his hair and he was really glad Gavin wasn't trying to be gentle. "Fuck me!" 
Connor chuckled and gave his hip a tap, "oh I'm planning to. But I want you to come in my mouth first. I'll work you open as I do, making sure to not hurt you. Don't want you not being able to sit." 
"Spread your legs a little for me, and do you have any lube?" His body could produce its own and Connor could use that if need be, but he'd rather use lube made for humans. 
Gavin nodded and pointed to his jacket that had been tossed onto the ground. 
Connor grabbed it and found it easily, raising an eyebrow at it. So Gavin had planned this, maybe not exactly, but he had been thinking about it at least. "So naughty, did you want me to fuck you this whole time? You could have asked, I could fuck you in the back of the truck or even get you off while I drive." 
Gavin whined and spread his legs. Connor chuckled and finally took him into his mouth as he lubed up two fingers. He really would go slow, he didn't want to risk anything, and he wanted Gavin to have time to back out. 
Gavin said something but it was drowned out by a car rushing past. Connor could read his lips clearing and used the distraction to push his fingers in. Gavin stiffened but easily relaxed when Connor swallowed around him. 
He slowly moved his fingers as he sucked and bobbed his head. The sounds were mostly drowned out by the passing cars but no one slowed down yet. He was so glad he was an android so he could still hear Gavin pleading and begging for more. 
He kept Gavin distracted as he added a third finger, taking him all the way down and hallowed his cheeks. 
He kept moving his fingers, trying to find the right spot. When he did the hands in his hair yanked so hard Connor gasped for a second. He moaned Gavin and would have smirked if his mouth wasn't so full.
He kept brushing against Gavin's prostate and he could feel him tensing again. It only took Connor swallowing around him for Gavin to warn him before coming. Connor didn't pull away, instead got as close as he could, taking it all down. 
He kept sucking until Gavin went limp in his mouth, his fingers pumping quickly. He pulled away and licked his lips, having to help keep Gavin up. His face was covered in pure bliss as he stared down at Connor gaping. 
"I am going to fuck you now if you want me to stop, tell me." He pulled his fingers out and unzipped himself, grabbing the lube again. He made sure to put a generous amount on his own cock, giving it a few pumps and letting out a slow hiss.
Gavin made a small whine at the loss of his fingers but quickly nodded at Connor. "Don't stop, please don't stop."
Connor nodded and looked him over. He was just so beautiful and he could see the faint dusting of sweat over his skin as he stood there and let Connor stare. 
It was still hard to believe this was real and actually happening. That the man he been trying to desperately ignore his feelings for wanted him back. He pushed those feelings so far down he hadn't even noticed them until the trip. Until Gavin took the first step. 
"Connor?" Gavin mumbled, eyes still lidded, and Connor shook himself from his thoughts. 
He moved forward and picked him up in one fluid motion, letting Gavin reach out to hold before Connor slowly moved him to take him all the way in. Gavin clutched at him and Connor didn't move, letting them both adjust to the sensation. 
Even with all that prep Gavin still felt so tight and amazingly warm around him. He grits his teeth as Gavin shook in his arms, waiting for that subtle nod. When he got it and pulled Gavin up almost completely off before letting gravity pull him back down. 
Gavin yelped and Connor kissed his neck before doing it again and again. Each one drove Connor crazy and Gavin clung on desperately. 
"Doing so amazing, baby. You think you can get hard again? Maybe even come for me again?" He freed one hand, glad for his strength to take Gavin's length in his hand. 
Gavin's whole body jerked but he didn't say to stop, so Connor didn't. He pumped him in time with the thrusts and watched in wonderment as Gavin slowly got hard again.
"Everyone can see how needy you are. How easily you take my cock, like you were meant for it. My beautiful, wonderful slut." Gavin had seemed to react well to the slight degradation before, but Connor was beyond nervous that this was taking it too far. He wanted to praise him until he couldn't speak but he also wanted this and hoped it was a good mixture.
His anxiety was calmed when Gavin's head fell forward and he had to rest it on Connor's shoulder as his body shuttered. He kept clenching around Connor and it took every last bit of willpower not to come yet. He needed Gavin to come again before he'd let himself.
"You like that?" Connor gasped out, not slowing down, instead of speeding up more, trying to get deeper. "Like being my beautiful slut? I could just use you all day and you'd have to clean up the mess. God! Fuck you after work or even at work if you're too much of a brat." 
He'd probably never actually do anything at work unless he knew absolutely no one could walk in. He didn't want to cause anyone at the office discomfort just for their own pleasure. It just wasn't right.
"Connor," Gavin mouthed against his neck, but no sound came out. 
"Come on baby, come for me one last time." He twisted his hand and swiped his thumb over the head to collect the pre to slick up his hand more. 
Gavin's whole body shook as he clenched around him, and Connor didn't even care about the mess he made on Connor's hand and shirt. 
He pulled him all the way down before finally giving in and letting himself come. His systems glitched out for a second before he became aware again, the pleasure almost overwhelming even after. 
He leaned them forward so Gavin could rest against the car as Connor stayed buried in him. They both panted together, and Connor placed a gentle hand over Gavin's heart. 
He could feel each quick beat and it helped ground him back to reality so he didn't drift off. He pressed feather-light kisses over Gavin's throat once he had cooled down enough to not need to breathe. 
Gavin still shook gently, his legs and arms completely wrapped around him. 
"Hey baby, you ok?" Connor whispered. Had he fucked up? Was it too much for Gavin? Shit, he went too far. Yet Gavin didn't say to stop or show any indication that he wanted to. What if he missed the signs? Maybe he was so selfishly focused on his own pleasure and making Gavin come again that he didn't see. 
Then Gavin gave a nod and took in a long shuttering breathe. "Yeah, that was… you're amazing." His voice was rough and husky, and he tried to clear it and he leaned back to see Connor's blue-tinted face. "I, uh, I adore you."
For some reason, it felt more meaningful than hearing I love you. Perhaps it was simply because I love you was used so often and given out to so many (which was a positive thing). Or maybe it was just the way he said it, with so much emotion behind it. 
There was so much history that they needed to relearn and look at again, and of course, that wouldn't make Connor's quick annoyance at Gavin before the revolution disappear. He could only focus on his feelings now about those events since he had more of the details. 
Gavin's eyes seemed to hold so much, but Connor could also see the fear. The worry that he'd gone too far with his words instead of his actions. 
Yet Connor's heart swelled and he couldn't help the big beaming smile. "I adore you too."
I hoped you enjoyed! I can’t remember if I said what Hank’s gift was in this, but if I didn’t, its a stuffed animal lol
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anonymous-idfk · 4 years ago
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BODY PARTS / BIOCOMPONENTS IN AN ANDROID I USE FOR WHUMP PURPOSES
This isn’t even fully complete because even I don’t really know what I think about them or HC but these are basically what I think of when whumping an android. It’s probably Connor let’s be serious here.
These are mainly based on the character Connor from DBH but I’m sure most of these would work on a lot androids from other games/movies/books/shows etc
If you’re a Canon-only person, an engineer, or some kind of expert and think something wouldn’t work pls don’t come @ me, I literally just bullshit my way through everything, I just wanna whump and hug the characters lmfao idc about strict canon
Some of these are canon, most are definitely not lmao
Okay so this isn’t completed, and may seem very all over the place but that’s because it was just quickly brainstormed and I dont have the mental capacity to sort it all out, ALSO they change to suit idea to idea so eh
So imma split it into 4 catagories, if they cannot eat, if they can eat, their heads and other.
TORSO COMPONENTS IF THEY CANNOT EAT
Thirium Pump – Heart (Pumps the Thirium around the body)
Thirium Pump Regulator – Pacemaker (Regulates the beat of the pump)
Ventilation Biocomponents – Lungs (Ventilates the body, helps it cool down manually)
Thermoregulator/Temperature Regulator – Hypothalamus (Regulates the body temperature, would be in the head but I’m shoving it in the torso)
Artificial Stomach – Stomach (Biocomponent that holds ingested Thirium and excess analysis samples)
Thirium Filter – Liver? (Filters out the bad things (contaminants) in the Thirium ingested before it goes into the main Thirium Supply)
TORSO COMPONENTS IF THEY CAN EAT
Thirium Pump – Heart (Pumps the Thirium around the body)
Thirium Pump Regulator – Pacemaker (Regulates the beat of the pump)
Ventilation Biocomponents – Lungs (Ventilates the body, helps it cool down manually)
Thermoregulator – Hypothalamus (Regulates the body temperature, would be in the head but I’m shoving it in the torso)
Artificial Stomach – Stomach (Where the food and beverages go)
Biocomponent I need a name for  - ?? (Where the Thirium goes, like the stomach, but separate from where the food goes)
Thirium Filter -Liver? (Filters out the bad things (contaminants) in the Thirium ingested before it goes into the main Thirium Supply)
They would have an android version of the epiglottis to shut off the tube that goes to the ‘Biocomponent I need a name for’ but maybe further down the body than a human so it isn’t so close to the surface of the mouth. The tube would be the same one until further down where it would break off into two, one to the ‘Artificial Stomach’ and one to the ‘Biocomponent I need a name for’ which would also be why the ‘Thirium Filter’ would be useful other than for just outside contaminants.
There would be one for the ‘Ventilation Biocomponents’ and ‘Artificial Stomach’ too whether they can eat or not so choking is technically possible if it fails for some reason, though breathing isn’t necessary unless overheating/panicking.
I like there to be a necessary Purge function to get rid of any contaminants. (Because whump)
HEAD
Gyroscope maintains orientation, helps keep balance, etc. Kind of like the cerebellum and the fluid in your ear but mainly just like the actual thing lmao. Located in the head, so it can get knocked off balance with a hit to the head (head injury) or affected by overheating etc, causing dizziness, unbalance, etc
Voice Modulator – Voice Box ig (In the throat where the human’s voice box is. You know what a voice is.)
Forensic Lab/Analysis thingy I don’t really have a name, it tends to change - Tongue ig (In the mouth, used to analyse and identify evidence in real time, basically makes him a walking forensics lab)
Optical Unit – Eye (Like a camera lens ig besides you know what eyes are and what they do)
Audio Unit – Ear (For aesthetic purposes)
Audio Processor - ?? (Plug inserted behind the ear, I’m going with that’s the actual thing that works as an ear)
Central Processing Unit – “The part of a computer in which operations are controlled and executed” So brain probably (I don’t really understand this myself, mainly I just say ‘processors’ and run with that, but basically acts as a human brain. An example might be movement, so it sends electrical impulses to the body, like in humans, to tell a part to move. Also controls speech, language, skin projection, simulations like pre/reconstruction, memory storage, etc.) That might have made 0 sense to people who understand but since I never go into detail and might just say ‘yeah his processors were damaged’ it’s all good lmao
OTHER
Thirium Lines/Wires – Veins/Arteries/Nerves (So basically, I also like to think that there are Thirium Lines running through the body like veins and arteries, alongside wires or anything like that I guess as nerves? So if you wanted to break the android’s back, you could potentially break the wiring too that connects the legs to the ‘Brain’. Ya know.)
Also I like to call certain parts ‘plating’ or their actual name to make it sound more…inhuman(???) For example, if I were to break Connor’s ‘cheekbone’ I’d probably write something along the lines of ‘Cranial Facial Plating’ or his fractured ankle his ‘Talocrural Joint’ etc.
Bruising is just blood under the skin so it might be like a Thirium build up under their artificial skin from broken Thirium lines.
Do I know what plastimetal is? No. Do I use it? Yes. I tend to say ‘their plastimetal frame is showing through the artificial skin due to power being averted somewhere else which makes them appear pale’ or some random bullshit, like I said, don’t @ me
Also, Prototype = more chances of shit to go wrong, malfunction, break, etc
Idk I just like to think that they were made to mirror humans in as many ways as possible, just so I have more ways to whump them lmao.
Many, many other people have also done stuff like this (which are all 10/10 would recommend cause they are amazing I’m jelly) so I’m not saying I made them all up, in fact I’m not entirely sure where some of them came from, but the eating/not eating comparison I came up with just now as I brainstormed lmao which I never do. Planning? Who’s that.
I never stick to the rules, even ones I made or HC, so these might change around from idea to idea but it’s a basic outline I tend to think about when hurting a beloved character. If it can happen to a human, chances are I’ll try to find a way for it to happen to an android or anything else not human (but no animals I caaan’t)
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frumfrumfroo · 5 years ago
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Why do you think Luke struggles with temptations toward pragmatism and control? (If you don't mind! this piqued my curiosity since this is the first time I've seen him described as such, and I find him excessively idealistic and upright throughout the OT)
Luke is very all or nothing as a rule and he was raised by a worried practical person. When he first refuses the call to adventure, it’s because faced with the reality of dropping everything he thinks about the implications in a way he never has in his daydreams. And his objection is along the lines of just being one small person and real life still needing to get lived and not being able to just abandon his responsibilities. ‘It’s not that I like the Empire, I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now.’
And Obi-wan says, ‘That’s your uncle talking.’ And we heard also that Owen has been afraid of exactly this kind of thing Luke’s whole life. ‘Follow old Obi-wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.’ So consider this fear and Owen’s attitude as one of the major threads running through Luke’s childhood and what kind of influence that had on him. Duty and responsibility are small, household things according to the people who raised him, not grand epic things. People are most important, not cause.
Luke is also a care-taker by nature. He latches on to people and invests in them very easily. The thing that gets him off his ass isn’t the Rebellion or finding out more about his father, those weren’t quite enough, what pushes him to action is the idea that Leia is out there and no one else is going to rescue her. One person, an individual, not the cause. Luke’s decision to believe in Han and to insist he was a better person than he would admit regardless of the evidence drove Han to live up to his expectations. But you know, he basically demanded Han redeem himself and won’t compromise. He’s stubborn and angry. He repeatedly ignores Obi-wan’s advice and instructions and fucks up life-or-death plans because he feels the need to take things into his own hands.
In ESB, he ignores Yoda’s warnings and advice to again take things into his own hands despite being told that will make everything that’s been accomplished vain. He won’t accept that he personally can’t change anything. He takes responsibility for people to the point where their choices don’t matter to him, but in doing this he’s shirking his larger responsibility as The Hero. It’s the I’m gonna save you, anyway energy. Which is certainly idealism and certainly what allows him to eventually save Anakin, but it also nearly gets them all killed on numerous occasions. Maturity is balance between taking no responsibility and taking responsibility for everything, always until your inevitable martyrdom.
As for pragmatism- that is his temptation in the throne room. It’s not about ultimate power in itself, because Luke has never sought power as an end and that’s not a dramatically effective temptation for him. What the Emperor is selling him is the idea that he can use this power to save his friends. He can use this power to shape the galaxy as he sees fit, to create safety for the people he cares about and impose his concept of justice. The temptation is to place practical concerns over ideals, to privilege safety over freedom, privilege individuals he loves over their choices and the cause. Kill Vader because he’s just one already dying warlord who deserves a much worse fate than merciful death, it’s justified, it’s a release; kill him and you will be able to save them. This is your only chance, you have to take it, you’ll be strong enough to only give in a little bit- replace Vader and use the power properly. Save the people who deserve to be saved. You can be trusted to wield justice, you can control it.
That is a very dramatically effective temptation for Luke, because that’s all thinking he’s been shown to have. His priorities over the past two films have aligned with this apparent ultimatum.
The terms the Emperor lays out are that Luke can either concede that killing his father is a ‘necessary evil’ in order to serve the ‘greater good’ and therefore set himself on the path to becoming his father OR he can die uselessly in a doomed moral victory which will result in the end of the Rebellion and the last hope going out of the universe.
Pragmatism says you need to use hate and violence to beat the big bad, you need to sacrifice other people to the cause, you need to keep your head down sometimes and try to live the best life you can under the circumstances, you need to be neutral sometimes, turn a blind eye sometimes, you can’t take a chance on shady people, you can’t save the scourge of the galaxy because he’s too far gone and not worth it, etc. Owen, Obi-wan, Yoda, every authority in his life has reinforced the same binary choice the Emperor now presents between compromise with evil or death.
And Luke is tempted by this because he thinks he can control these outcomes. He thinks it’s his place to keep his people safe no matter what it takes. He flies off the handle when Vader threatens Leia because he doesn’t want her put in this position. He wants to bear this whole burden and always thinks he can, and that protective impulse, that refusal to accept bad situations for others when he can fix it, is the beautiful part of his personality which Palpatine is counting on in his manipulation. It’s always a natural human impulse which can turn to selfishness that someone like Palpatine or Snoke will exploit. Love becomes covetousness, protection becomes control, fear dominates everything.
What Luke eventually rejects is exactly those terms, the whole premise of Palpatine’s argument. He takes a third option. The problem was never that he felt anger or that he passionately wanted to protect people, the terms he rejects are that the ends justify the means and that hate is inevitable. It’s never too late because forgiveness is always possible, because love is unconditional. Pragmatism has no place in a decision about your soul and the value of a person’s life, the value of a person’s life is infinite. The fact that Luke’s faith and selflessness is rewarded is the idealism of Star Wars, but it resonates because it was difficult for him. Cynicism was holding all the cards and his own best instincts were telling him he had to sacrifice principle to live another day, that that was the loving thing to do, he slips into fear and revenge and despair like a dozen times; he wails on his father and only stops because he sees his mechanical hand and remembers where that path leads- we all know how he feels. Metaphorically, we’ve all been there, in the darkest hour, not entirely certain what’s right and afraid of the answer.
In TLJ, Luke’s arc is about learning to forgive himself the way he once forgave Anakin. And it’s exactly the same dilemma about whether the ends justify the means and the danger of surrendering to fatalism and practicality over diligent hope and universal compassion. He tried to take on the entire burden of the family legacy by himself to spare Leia, and tried to take all responsibility for Ben and Ben’s future, that made it something he needed to control. The new added layer is a meta one about being a legend (really, being a hero) and a semi-meta one about ageing and mentorship. As a parent and teacher, Luke reflects his parents and his teachers, but he’s also very much still dealing with exactly the same flaws he has always had. Because ‘being a good person’ isn’t a birthright or a one time achievement, it’s a choice you make every day.
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