#other than my face which suffered some minor rage but not as much as usually happens

[writer-panda]

Hit on the groom and what became of it - chapter 1/I will keep missing you (if you don’t stop running)

Disclaimer: I don’t own DC or Miraculous. I’m just playing with some crazy concept. 

Chapter 1 (here)  -|-  Next

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Ladybug landed on top of the Eiffel tower with practiced grace. An agitated worry roiling in her chest about the message Chat Noir left her. The urgency was one thing, but he sounded… pained. Like the weight of the world dragged him down type pain. 

Marinette knew Chat’s home life wasn’t perfect. Skilled at hiding it, maybe, but details leaked through the cracks. An offhand comment here, a muttered accusation there, a sour face yet again here. He lived in pain and tried so hard to work through it. 

She tried to help him whenever she could, both as Ladybug and Marinette. She may not return his feelings, but she always listened. For months during their third year as heroes, she left food on the rooftop when Chat’s suit revealed too many ribs. She wasn’t sure the reason and didn’t dare to ask, lest she learned too much, but she did try to help. There were times she thought she imagined the pained looks, and thin frame, and thinly veiled comments; maybe overexaggerating the situation in her mind, as she often did. After all, he always acted so cheerfully.

Then, Lila happened. 

The first strike landed swift, almost deadly, but she survived. It was what followed that made her reconsider. A prolonged fight, where Marinette chose to retain a cheerful mask to hide the pain. Along the line, she considered confiding in her parents. But what could they do?  Maybe take her from school, but that would mean Lila already won; the Liar would rule unopposed.

Which left Adrien, her last bastion of friendship. 

She still harbored a bit of a crush on him, but it was justified! Like a knight in shining armor, he stood, always ready to defend her. He always ensured her inclusion in class activities and saved her from several catastrophes. 

She still stumbled over her words with him, but when it’s minor stuttering or not talking to anyone, she forced herself to adapt. It was nowhere near as bad as it used to be. 

With the ability to spend more time with Adrien without acting like a spaz, Kagami also appeared more often, and proved to be a good friend. Marinette found a home with the two awkward rich kids ridiculously clueless and unaware of how the real world functioned. In the end, she even grew to accept Adrien might not be destined to be hers but chose to support him nonetheless. 

“My lady?” She was broken out of her musing by a familiar voice.

“Hello, Kitty-cat. I got your message… what’s wrong?” She turned to see Cat Noir slumped over the railing, with his ears tweaking nervously. She didn’t even know he could do it. 

“I… I’m sorry my Lady, but I can’t… I can’t continue to be your partner,” he declared.

“What?!” she squeaked. “What happened? What’s the matter?” 

“I’m… I’m getting married,” he announced, his ears drooping and tail tucked between his legs.  

Oh, that’s… not what she expected to hear. “Married? Congrat…” she drifted off, noticing his sour face. “Chat? What are you not telling me?”

“It’s… I… My…” He struggled to figure out how to say it, but ultimately remained silent for a moment. “There is nothing to be happy about. It’s a… business marriage,” he spat, his eyes narrowing.  

“But… those are illegal!” Ladybug protested.

“Not when you make it look like a love match. Especially if you insinuate at a scandal.” He sneered, jumping off the railing and pacing along the empty rooftop. “My father holds all the cards and I… I’m in no position to oppose him.”

“I’m sure we can…”

He sighed, walking over to her. “Please… M’lady. Don’t try to give me hope. I accepted what I must do.” With that, he reached for the ring, but she stopped him.

“Chat. We can try… You’re my friend. You can’t… We will figure it out. Together.” In all they’d endured, suffered, and triumphed - Marinette had never seen him this despondent… this broken. 

He sighed, his eyes flat and dull. “There is nothing to figure out,” he said, forcing the ring off his finger. 

The transformation fell, leaving Adrien Agreste materialized in place of her long-time partner. Plagg’s sharp cry cut off, as he’s sucked into the ring the second he popped out of it. She stood there, too stunned to notice the blond boy pushed the ring into her palm and closed it. 

Marinette wasn’t sure what thoughts decided to rampantly rage through her head, but the train of thoughts probably broke the collective speed limit everywhere in the world at the same time. 

“M’lady?” Adrien’s soft voice brought her to earth when she was one step from panic.

“A-Adrien?” She choked on the word.

“You heard about me?” He looked dumbfounded. Ladybug, too shocked to say a word, gestured over to the building line. Even from so high and far away, his most recent billboard advertisement stood visible. “Ah… right.”

“Who… who’s the lucky girl?” Inside her mind, she wondered if Kagami right now faced a  similar problem. It was the most logical…

“Lila Rossi,” Adrien admitted, his shoulders hunching. 

Marinette.exe stopped working. 

A moment passed.

Another.

“Um… M’Lady?” The boy tried to prod his ex-partner to respond by waving his hand in front of her face.

“That… that lying…” Ladybug saw red. This could not be happening.

Adrien nodded, the despondent look on his face growing worse every second.“My father deemed her a suitable heiress to the Gabriel brand… I tried to warn him she was a liar, but he… I think he actually admires her skill…” Tears built in his eyes, and Adrien covertly tried to wipe them away. 

“Maybe… maybe you could… I don’t know!” she screamed in frustration. Marinette had several ideas about what Adrien could do, but none of them would help. 

Running away would be a problem. Leaking the story to the press would lead to his home life growing even worse. After dealing with Gabriel Agreste’s parenting, she held no illusion Adrien could win a court battle. The rich too often got away with whatever they desired. She could try to sicc Uncle Jagged on the case… or maybe Clara Nightingale… Nadia Chamack would probably love the news-breaking story, but it would all put Adrien in danger. Who knows what would happen before they could obtain results or protection against Gabriel’s extensive reach. 

Adrien sighed as if knowing exactly where her thoughts took her. Chat was no dummy, he probably scoured over his options more times than he could count. His resignation, the last resort in a long line of failed plans.  “I appreciate you trying, but I already told you I accepted it. Just… take me down, please. I… I didn’t really plan the location well…” He let out a weak chuckle. 

“Fine… I’m sorry kitty...” She grabbed hold of him and swung to the ground. Despondently she watched her best friend, her partner, walk away into the night; resigned to a life of suffering and isolation. 

There must be something she could do, she thought. She closed a gloved fist around the ring. She was Ladybug, and if she put her mind to it, there was nothing she couldn't do.  

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A week later the press learned about the upcoming wedding. Adrien and Lila both left school for home-school. The press and the general public ate up the news story about star-crossed lovers that met in school and became inseparable. It didn’t help that the class kept commenting about how good they were for each other. 

Marinette resisted an urge to gag whenever she caught the sound of the vicious lies and propaganda.  She was asked for comment only once but chose to refuse. It didn’t earn her any popularity in class. Luckily, she convinced Nadia to stop a nasty side-story about her jealousy from being published. 

No closer to a plan, she despondently continued to push through her life without her friend. She, unsurprisingly, hadn’t received a single text or call. Marinette didn’t blame Adrien; his position couldn’t be easy. A month after Adrien departed from her class, Marinette convinced her parents to also home-school her. Without a single friend, the school became a burden. Of course, her reasoning to her parents leaned into her focus on her fashion business. Which wasn’t untrue. It was starting to pick up. 

The only upside to this whole debacle was near-lack of akuma attacks. It seemed Hawkmoth found a hobby. Maybe he wrote poems? 

Nah. Not his style...

Two months after the announcement  Marinette woke to surprise guests: Adrien, his father, and Lila knocked on the bakery’s doors. The bride-to-be in an especially sour mood, as much as she tried to hide it. Gabriel appeared to be devoid of any emotions, as usual.

She seated them on the couch and asked if they would like a drink. She didn’t bother to offer food, not wanting to waste good cake on the likes of Lila and Gabriel. Although, Adrien’s thin cheeks and haunted eyes made her regret the decision. 

All of them declined the drink.

“Madame Marinette, I assume you have heard of the Wedding?” The capitalization clearly discernible in his voice. 

“Yes… Yes sir!” she corrected herself. Trying desperately to mask her disgust behind a layer of nervousness. She couldn’t risk a glance at Adrien, even if this was the first time she’d seen him since that night on the roof. Making it through the meeting would be hard enough without watching him suffer.  

“While initially, I planned to prepare the dress and suit myself, my son convinced me to give a chance to someone else to shine.” Clearly, whatever it was Adrien said, it didn’t include a polite request. “I have seen the dress you made for Rock Star Jagged Stone’s wedding, as well as the suit worn by Nadia Chamack.”

“They are designs I’m particularly proud of, sir.” 

Play the part. Play the part. Don’t send him to the hospital. Papa and Maman would be disappointed. Well, Maman would probably join me… 

Her homicidal train of thought ended as she forced a smile to appear on her face. Contrary to Lila’s stretched thin lips;  Marinette’s smile shines bright and could’ve been mistaken for genuine.

“Indeed… I’ve come to commission you to design and make the gown and the suit for the sweet couple.” He announced like it was the highest honor, but there was an amount of bile in his words Marinette used to think was reserved only for Nino.

“I… I’m… I’m honored, sir!” She beamed. The excitement only half-forced. Her moral compass told her even entertaining the proposal was wrong, but at the same time, her brain furiously flitted crafting possibilities. 

Gabriel nodded imperiously as if her acceptance merely added to a foregone conclusion. “Good. My assistant, Nathalie, will sort out the details. Lex Luthor agreed to pay for the pieces as his wedding gift, so do not be afraid to ask for full price.” He informed her t as if he believed she would give him a discount. 

For a moment, a singular reckless moment, Marinette entertained the temptation to voice her thoughts about Gabriel being cheap. 

She sighed, no, there would be another day for career suicide. The group rose to leave, and Marinette finally glanced at Adrien; his model-trained smile paper-thin. He caught her eyes, and if he radiated sadness two months ago, it didn’t hold a candle to the devastation swimming in his eyes. The exchange broke when Lila gripped a hand tight around his arm and dragged him to the door. 

Gabriel handed her a card, and the group departed. Marinette collapsed onto the couch, the makings of a headache building in her skull. 

This would be awful.  

------------

A week later Marinette held a separate meeting, consisting of Nathalie, Lila, Lila’s mother, and Adrien’s aunt. And her, obviously. 

She first asked what kind of dress Lila wanted.

Lila’s eyes lit up in an unholy glee; and she started talking. 

And talking. 

And talking. 

And talking. 

After the long and painstakingly thorough description, Marinette felt faint. Several reasons contributed to that, although the most prominent were the materials, the design, and the way she spoke. Obviously Lila had feelings, the kind likely to trigger an oncoming Auma attack if Hawkmoth hadn’t pranced off to who knows where, about Marinette designing her dress. 

Marinette was happy Adrien’s aunt pointed out the request’s complete madness, but Lila’s mother waved it off, quick to declare only minor adjustments to the request would be needed. 

In the end, Marinette presented several dozen designs, both hers and foreign to have a basis on which she could work. Lila, of course, chose the one that would be hardest to make.

“I’m sorry none of your designs were good, Marinette…” The liar cooed with faked sorrow. She hid a smirk the designer could clearly see. 

The notion was born because it was a picture and not a sketch. 

Marinette smirked, and rose from the couch, ignoring Lila’s irritated scowl at her non-reaction.  

She liked it even less when the girl brought in the ready-made dress. 

“I made it as the first design for Penny Rolling’s wedding, based on Uncle Jagged’s suggestions. I should’ve known Penny didn’t approve of his idea, but…” she waved it off.

Lila, now actively glaring at her, sat back on the couch. All of which was mistaken for amazement by the adults.

Marinette ignored the girl’s dramatics, it was the only way she’d survive this meeting intact. “Of course, there still needs to be several adjustments and personalizations. I will also need to order the amber you requested. And the platinum thread. And the white gold. And probably an industrial-grade 3-D printer… Is that covered by the expenses?” She looked at Nathalie, who nodded. “Great! I will need just a moment.” 

The women watched as Marinette practically leaped at her notebook and added in adjustments to the sketch. Fifteen minutes later, when she presented a new design, impressing them all (sans Lila, obviously) with the flowing lines and intricate details. They praised her talent (even Natalie), and Marinette played the bashful young designer role to a tee. The liar kept glaring though. She couldn’t back away easily, since she already made a scene about wanting that specific dress. Marinette informed them beforehand she would need to know about her specific wishes before she made any adjustments. 

The final design looked pretty much exactly what Lila wanted though, but she didn’t want to give her nemesis the satisfaction. Her entourage did enough of this. 

Under the cover of being too emotional, they ended the meeting. Nathalie remained to finish the deal and sign the contract. 

After all of them left, Marinette collapsed onto her chair. An hour later a notification from her bank came. She received the first half of the payment. When finished, the dress would officially be the most expensive wedding dress to date. Blessed be Lex Luthor and his deep pocket. She chuckled, remembering how much the billionaire got kidnapped because of his money.

Then, an idea shined in her head.

Oh. 

Oh...

She took off her earrings and dismissed Tikki, promising she needed a quick chat with Plagg about a new potential holder. When Marinette put on the ring, the Kwami of destruction popped back into existence. 

“So… figured out how to help my chosen?” he asked. 

What Tikki didn’t know was when Marinette said she intended to discuss potential holders for Plagg, they really worked on a way to save Adrien. It was their secret since Tikki would most likely disapprove. They didn’t want to risk her disappointment in them. Not until they crafted a fleshed out full-proof plan. 

She nodded. “I have an idea. Let’s hire someone to kidnap him!” 

Plagg rolled his eyes. “Did they hit you on the head, pigtails?”

“No. But look, the problem is whatever we come up with, Adrien ends up blamed or we land ourselves in jail, right?” The Kwami nodded. “So… if we make sure it’s a very public kidnapping and he disappears, we can stash him away until the heat dies down. After we dye his hair and apply fast-tan, he will look different enough no one will connect the two. I’m pretty sure I could get my hands on fake documents if I tried hard enough…” she trailed off thinking of all the minutiae to coordinate to pull this off. 

It would be hard. 

But it would be worth it. 

Plagg slowly nods. “Okay… Somehow, that both makes no sense and seems perfectly legitimate. It’s also your most chaotic plan to date, Pigtails. Let’s do it!” The Kwami cheered, happy to be soon reunited with his chosen kitten. “But what about the costs!”

Marinette already had an answer in mind for that question. “Even after I subtract the costs of materials and other supplies, the payment for the dress, together with my savings, will be more than enough. Now… let’s go wake Tikki up.”

That… ended with the Kwami of Creation vomiting a pile of handcuffs and other police gear at Marinette. 

“Um… Why?”

The little red Kwammi placed her paws on her hips. “Because you should familiarize yourself with those if you plan on going to prison for that plan. It’s no longer just a phone theft, Marinette! You’re talking about breaking more laws than I can count!” She dropped to the pillow below, bemoaning about where she went wrong. 

Marinette scooped up her wayward friend and tried to reassure her. “I just need to be careful. I’m pretty sure I can do it without detection. Maman taught me how to not be seen on the internet. Or in general. Come on. I need to order a secure laptop.”

“I will help!” Plagg offered. “I can cataclysm the internet after you do your thing.”

“What?! No! Think of the cute cat pictures!” Marinette protested. “And video games.” 

“Relax! It’ll just remove any trace of you doing anything online in the several hours or so…” He calmed her.

Tikki trailed after them, a bundle of nerves and worry. “Plagg! It’s irresponsible! You can’t possibly…”

“Pigtails and I have it all under control. What’s the worst that could happen?”

---------

Turns out, a lot. 

Before Marinette put out the hit (kidnapping, she made sure that it was plain as day), she needed to set a price. That one was harder. It wasn’t like you could Google how much you needed to charge to kidnap a celebrity. At least, not without attracting a lot of unwanted attention. 

She asked her mother, under the guise of pure curiosity. It was a normal question any teenage girl asked her mother. How much does it cost to have someone killed, how much cheaper/more expensive a kidnapping is, how to acquire fake documents, that kind of stuff. Not suspicious at all. 

So absorbed in her rant, she missed a merry glint in Sabine’s eyes. She also didn’t question how her Maman knew those prices. 

Finally, she needed to fill the form. 

Assignment: Acquisition and Delivery

Asset(s): Adrien Athanase Agreste

Value: 

Here, Marinette paused. 

Her mom gave her a lengthy lecture about pricing and all. According to her, a professional would take up to fifty thousand dollars for kidnapping and bringing the target to her. Marinette decided, since Adrien was a celebrity, she should double the price. More risks involved, more reward, right? 

But, she also wanted to ensure she hired the best of the best. Compare her work to Gabriel Agreste’s, she came to the conclusion ten times the price was reasonable to ensure only the best in the field would take the job. 

Then, there was the matter of safety and so on and so on. By the end, she settled on two million dollars, as her asking price for one Adrien Agreste. Plagg sagely nodded, agreeing with her assessment. Tikki didn’t comment, as she wasn’t speaking to the two, but also seemed more accepting after spying on Adrien and Lila’s home life. Not that she revealed that tidbit to either of them, lest they drop the plan and directly go at Gabe and the Liar. 

After a few more details and boxes in the form Marinette filled until she came to the end. Only one more detail remained: 

Sponsor:

Marinette stared at the word for a moment. After a quick race of thoughts, she typed slowly. 

Sponsor: The Seamstress

Perfect. Nothing about this could go wrong.

Of course, how could she predict just how big of a mess she would make? 

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[astaroth1357]

How to Calm Your Demon Boyfriend; Vol 2

So You Pissed Him Off, Have You?

Notice: Due to an impending lawsuit for libel and misinformation, Mammoney, Inc. has filed for bankruptcy. All past guides from their company have been revised and re-released. All future printing will be handled Solo Man, Press.

Oh? Is there trouble in your devilish paradise? Well, there’s bound to be a spat or two between lovers but things can get... complicated if one half of your pair could easily wipe out a nation. Attempting to calm down your demon can be tricky, however in this volume of How to Calm Your Demon Boyfriend we will be covering the best methods available for you to do just that! With our instructions and a deft touch, you’ll manage to avoid your boyfriend’s hellish rage and get right back to enjoying that tender, sacrilegious relationship you’ve come to love!

This volume only covers if your demon boyfriend is mad at YOU. If there is SOMEONE ELSE making him mad, please consult Volume One!

Lucifer’s mad at You

You are in a very tricky situation so treat your next actions with the utmost care…

First, ascertain who is at fault for what has occurred. If it’s you, then figure out the severity. A minor infraction can be smoothed over easily enough with some explanation and sincere apology.

More severe breaches of trust will be harder get past. Plead your case but don’t attempt to excuse your actions. Acknowledge fault and, again, apologize. If he seems receptive, attempt to touch him in some way like on the hand or arm but no higher. This a literal demonstration of your attempt to reconnect.

This is the best that you can do for now, but he should acknowledge your efforts as long as you approached it correctly.

If it’s his fault… as far as he’s concerned it’s still your fault, unfortunately. It’s the pride in him speaking. 

Ask him what he believes you’ve done wrong and assess from there. Some things may be better to give a brief apology to, but no more. You don’t need to explain yourself for something you didn’t do. It may be best to leave him for a few hours after this and let tensions cool.

If the accusation is too egregious, you have the option to not apologize at all. This will likely anger him further if you give no explanation, though. Explain why you don’t think you should have to say sorry, then leave. Call for his brothers if you need someone there to intervene.

Now you wait. Unfortunately, it's an inevitability. Lucifer will need time to process and do a post-mortem on what happened. If he was truly the one at fault, he’ll acknowledge it to himself but never admit it out-loud. He may extend an olive branch in the form of a gift (the size and expense of which will be directly proportional to how much he messed up) but that will be it.

If you forgive him, then life can return to normal. If not, consult our other material: Can I Breakup with My Demon Boyfriend?

Mammon’s mad at You

It is first important to discern between his usual “anger” and actual anger.

If you see any of these signs: Blushing, stuttering, overly defensive denials, general tsundere-ness then you are likely only dealing with “anger.” Feel free to tease appropriately.

If these signs are not there then something is very wrong. Find out what it is, he will be forthright with a little persistence. (i.e. bug him until he says something. He will likely want to tell you anyway)

Attempt to remedy the problem as quickly as possible. This will no small matter. A truly upset Mammon should not be ignored.

If you have done something wrong, an apology may be in order. Do be sincere if you can because Mammon will appreciate the effort.

Cheer him up with either compliments or physical contact, head pats and cuddles work most effectively. If his face is red, though, you’re likely on the right track in general.

He isn’t one to hold a grudge so this should settle any brief irritation that’s derailed your relationship. Take care not to upset him this much again in the future.

Leviathan’s mad at You

Again, he’s probably jealous but now he’s going to be jealous and possessive. Admittedly, not the best combination.

Stay. Calm. If he’s already hysterical then adding onto the situation won’t do anyone any good. Patience may be difficult to hang onto, but it’s crucial to getting through this on the other side.

Physical contact is still important but NOT TOO EARLY. If he has his guard up he may just slap away your attempts to touch him.

Chances are he’s already built up a narrative in his head. This will not be easy to combat, especially if his suspicions aren’t true.

Denial will be tricky. You don’t want him to accept his false narrative as truth, but there’s going to be only so many times you can say, “No, that didn’t happen” before he stops believing you.

Deny his story first, firmly and with no room for doubt then redirect the conversation to asking why he’s so worried about it. Get to the heart of what’s making him feel so self-conscious and start soothing him from there. He’ll be feeling vulnerable, so a delicate touch is necessary.

NOW is the time for physical contact. He still needs to know you’re there so you should get as close to him as possible. He’ll probably be holding onto you pretty tightly. He won’t mean to bruise you if he does. 

Hold him close and don’t even think about letting him go until he’s ready. He needs to know that you'll stay with him even if this is what he has to offer. Your embrace is not just reassurance, it’s a promise. I hope you're prepared to keep it.

For more on how to comfort Levi, please seek out: How to Comfort Your Demon Boyfriend.

Satan’s mad at You

Oh my, aren’t you in a pickle? The focus should be on the immediate concerns first, then the long term. Don’t try to resolve both at once.

The immediate concern is that you have a very ticked off Wrath in front of you and he will make his displeasure known. Apologize. Apologize now. Is it actually your fault? Who knows. That's a long term concern and you should focus first on getting him to calm down fast.

Satan will not listen to reason right now, especially not if you're the only one offering it so don’t even try.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to touch an angry Satan. He's going to be far too gone for cuddle time to smooth things over.

You should give him space. He likely doesn't want to be mad at you and is very aware of just how dangerous this situation is for you both. If you take a step back, he'll do what he needs to in order to calm himself down (which is probably going to involve property damage of some kind but better it a bookshelf than you).

Wait until he is no longer shouting, then you may approach and carefully plead your case. You better have some airtight logic if you want to convince him he's actually the one in the wrong about something, but if he is he will apologize.

Of course, if you are at fault then you should apologize and attempt to explain. Even if you don’t have the best justification, you can still win him back if you can prove you had good intentions.

Unfortunately, even if he understands your reasoning he may still be a little miffed... Speaking candidly, if there's still residual anger left it may be best just to f*ck it out. This is not a joke, it's a legitimate way to redirect lingering negative emotions in a relationship. So have at it, I suppose. Just have a safe word ready because you'll need it.

Asmodeus’ mad at You

Again, reason and logic will fail you, especially at the very start. He WILL be upset and he WILL lash out. Likely verbally.

DO NOT engage in a fight of insults with Asmodeus. Not only will you lose but the situation may escalate to the point that your relationship will suffer permanent damage.

Remain calm, but you need not take the abuse. You are well within your right to tell him that you will leave the room if he does not cease the hostility. Don’t mean this idly either because your presence will be very important to Asmo. He hates to be ignored.

If you must leave, do so. Don’t turn back even if he pleads. Wait for him to come to you, because he will, and then a civil conversation can commence. Apologize if necessary.

After his initial anger has passed, Asmo will be very quick to feel remorseful. Despite his ferocity, he should be rather forgiving (at least to you anyway).

He will want make-up sex, for his own comfort if nothing else, but as always he will not force the matter. It may be much sweeter than usual, though, because that’s his way of saying “I’m sorry.”

Beelzebub’s mad at You

Oh dear.... You have either denied/stolen his food, hurt his family, or somehow just really ticked him off...

If you denied him food, get more.

If you hurt his family, plead for mercy.

If you’ve just really, really ticked him off, I’m not even sure what you did but you probably ought to apologize and maybe rethink your life choices... They must not be very good.

Belphegor’s mad at You

This will happen, but again Belphegor is pretty lazy. He’s more likely to give you the silent treatment than he is to blow up in your face.

Your challenge now is to get him to talk to you. Unlike with Mammon, he won’t be itching to say anything so a slight nudge isn’t going to cut it.

Start by trying to be frank about the situation. Attempt to sit him down and say that you wish to talk things out. Be empathetic, approachable, and sincere. This should elicit at least some attention from him for most issues.

If he intends on holding out further, then you have already done your part to the best of your ability. Leave the door open to that discussion, but go about your day until he’s ready for it. It won’t be easy, nor will it feel good, but it’s important to set boundaries and not allow his silence to punish you when things could be worked out more productively.

I assure you, Belphie does love you and he will miss you. It may take a little time, but he will eventually approach you to have that talk. Resolve what happened together and then things can return to normal, cuddles and all.

If you are looking to calm down your demon before he hurts someone else, please consult Volume One: Tame Demons, Save Lives!

[cosmosogler]

ohh mannn...

i woke up at 8 this morning and just. couldn’t. i emailed my professor and went back to sleep until 9:10 or so.

still didn’t feel rested or in any sort of good mood but i’d arranged to meet with the e&m tutor at 10:40 so i really, really struggled to get ready on time. i forewent packing a lunch, figuring it was spaghetti day anyway, and that i’d just pick up a smoothie for dinner if i needed it. i was still like 10 minutes late to the meeting. i let her know ahead of time...

actually i’ve met this woman before. she’s very kind. she took a look through my notes. “is this your cat?” she asked when she came across one of the two doodles in there. “i like it.”

“thanks,” i said, kinda miserable. i hate people finding my drawings... especially in class note books when they can see i wasn’t paying much attention to the lecture. next to a jumbi, the only other drawing in there that took more than five seconds, i wrote “stop drawing in class” like that makes it any better for an outside observer.

she gave me a basic physics textbooks to work through examples before class so i can follow the lecture easier using my preferred style of taking in information. learning specific cases to see how the process works and what you use it for, and then generalizing. the professor, aside from being intimidating and thoroughly unpleasant to listen to at this point, likes to work in ONLY general cases and doesn’t always state the purpose of the exercise before jumping right in.

that happened for 45 minutes. it felt good to have a direction to move forward in, but also, terrible? because i felt terrible and interacting with a professor and learning something neat didn’t help.

i went down to the office and tried to talk my classmates into getting krishna lunch but none of them were having it. they had their e&m midterm today... jennica wanted to go, and keegan wanted to go, but then keegan’s practice problem was taking too long so jennica changed her mind. and keegan didn’t want to go with only one person i guess. he said never mind. 

it actually really... felt bad? like my throat hurt from trying not to try the whole way out the building and out to the road. like this one of very few things that i actually find relaxing and enjoyable got taken away. i know they were worried about their test but shouldn’t they know cramming doesn’t really do anything but make you anxious at this point? i dunno. i was super bummed. i had to really pump myself up to even bother with lunch at all.

i didn’t want to go to a very social gathering place to get lunch by myself so i forgot the spaghet this week and instead got a peanut butter smoothie because i like them and they make me feel better. part of my bad mood was due to hunger it seems like. i got a large because i knew that mediums weren’t always quite enough. but i took one sip of the large and immediately was no longer hungry so that was great. i carried it across campus with me to the pharmacy anyway and tried to get something into my stomach, at least, while listening to the beautiful sounds of elo. 

i picked up my meds and that was a bit of money... but they let me get all three of them at once which was actually good. now i don’t have to drop by again next week, which takes like 40 minutes every time i go.

then i ambled over to the group therapy place and i could tell i was gonna be real sick later. but my body had to ache for 80 minutes first. that’s how it goes.

therapy was kinda rough. i felt ill and tired and unfocused. for the first 50 minutes i barely said anything at all. i hopped in eventually saying i couldn’t get anyone to take me seriously. it’s always “you’re so cute” or “so smol” or “precious” or “honey senpai” or “you’re sweet” or “you’re such a straightedge.” 

i mean... these are from people i like. sometimes from people i don’t, but... the majority. i’m older than most people in my peer group and i’m still the “smol” one. 

i really liked peridot in steven universe. but she’s been turned into the butt of the “smol” joke too and that’s upsetting. 

too much to say about that. gotta move on.

we talked about how we all go so fast that we can’t actually process any of our emotions or reactions as we talk about our lives. i proposed that next week we spend the first 45 minutes doing nothing but crying on the floor and then the last 45 minutes actually talking. that got a good laugh out of everyone.

i mentioned it was hard for me to share reactions because i just feel nothing all the time. like my grandma died in january and it didn’t occur to me to cry about it until, like, this saturday. even then it wasn’t sobbing or anything. it was just, “oh. i’m sad now. about that.”

so i said i’d get back to the group leader with my reactions to the group next year.

it’s been... good. to talk to people my own age. who are at the same point, almost, emotionally. people who are grown ass adults and have been grown ass adults for 7+ years and who, despite having serious or absolutely devastating problems, are still doing things about it. because having depression doesn’t mean i am not doing anything about my depression. 

there were weird guys in uniform on campus today. i can’t tell if they are with our Very Special Guest who is speaking tomorrow, or if they are undercover cops. i’m guessing they were not white supremacists because there was more than one not white person with them and they looked like they were not trying to be particularly intimidating. 

gotta keep in mind that this university is spending over half a million dollars on security for this event. like eight of my students have contacted me about being unable to attend class tomorrow because the road they live on got shut down and they can’t leave.

also gotta keep in mind that they denied him entry at first (due to reasonable safety concerns) but then he sued and the state was all, “free speech is Very Important” and made them let him come and also they had to pay for everything except his rental of the building. 

ok yes free speech is very important. but also, not putting your students in danger is very important and they are legally allowed to deny speakers that they think will directly lead to violence happening.

i guess our very special guest could spend all that money he’s not using on security on lawyers instead.

anyway. i walked back to the physics department and i told myself, “i am the- i am great. i’m great at math.” and i kinda laughed at how funny the joke was.

i dunno there’s something a little dissonant about wearing a shirt that says “COOL DUDE” on it and having a low self esteem. 

it’s this one. this is the one. the shirt. this is the shirt. it says cool dude.

look ok i aspire to have half the aggressive self confidence that paps has. that is a trait i admire.

look at those dumb basketball shoulder pads. where did he get those? i love them. look how much fun he’s having.

ok anyway fashion aside. i still felt... weak and drained, when i got back to the department. i had indeed been sick after group adjourned. i had about 5 minutes before class. so i went and grabbed my notebook and sat down for class and said “i’m gonna do great” instead of telling the professor i was too sick for class. 

i tried something new. i tried listening very carefully to the lecture and only taking notes when i wanted to keep track of a definition or a term he was using. since he was mostly talking theory at this point (for once in his life) it was actually easier to follow than normal. I tried to think about what the variables meant. 

i dunno if that’ll help or not.

haha i sent an email in between writing part of this post and i was accidentally capitalizing words there for a few sentences! i had to go back and fix it to look like i’m talking quietly instead of at a normal person volume.

then i festered in the office for a little while before my classmates got out of their exam. suzanne didn’t look so good... even ioannis didn’t finish the last third of the test. basically everyone went home straight away.

EXCEPT. harrison asked why i didn’t go to krishna with him and keegan. i said “what.” 

he said he couldn’t find me so he and keegan went to krishna alone. i told him i’d been looking around for people to go for like 30 minutes before i left and that i otherwise wasn’t around much today. i asked when they went. it was shortly after i left.

so he lied to me. he didn’t even bring it up when he’d been in the office for five minutes after the test. like, “oh, hey, i changed my mind, sorry we didn’t catch you on the way out.” 

they went and did this thing i love to do with my friends without me specifically after telling me they weren’t going to do it.

i’m not mad at harrison. i didn’t even see him or know he was around, his office door had been closed. it’s never closed when he’s in. 

but like... i did tell him i was actually mad for real. i didn’t really have any way to express that though so i just said that was upsetting and then he went home. 

i don’t know what to do about that. i don’t want to be passive aggressive but if i bring it up tomorrow it’s just gonna be like, it’s not a big deal. 

it shouldn’t matter. i am capable of having a good time by myself. it’s just, it’s not what i was expecting.

aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA my face was healing so good and i accidentally scratched it and now it’s bleeding a little. i don’t know how. the scab wasn’t even there any more. ugh.

i bummed around in the office for just a little while longer, trying to set up a work dropbox so my classmates and i can quickly share notes from class. i fiddled with it until i got frustrated and tired. taylor was around so i was talking to him about how i didn’t really appreciate harrison saying stuff like “ok from now on i’m only going to believe half the things you say.” and then i got onto my health, i think, which prompted me to start talking about my heart. and then that got me onto my christian school experience so i complained about being bullied by my classmates, my classmates’ parents, and my teachers for a little bit. 

rebika came in and after a minute she said something like “i don’t like to believe what you say either, i don’t know how to react.”

and i said “yeah, bad things don’t actually happen, since you don’t want them to. it’s ok.”

she said “it’s just awkward.”

i said “that’s fair, if someone started saying the stuff i say to me i wouldn’t know how to react either.”

i biked home and i had so much trouble picking up any speed at all (even downhill, somehow) that it was kind of miserable even though the weather was nice. i could not get my legs to move any faster.

i thought about what i said. people don’t want to believe that bad things happen for real. i find myself thinking that way sometimes too. about other people. about myself. but bad things are real. they happen to real people. they could happen to me. they could happen to you. there’s horrible things happening right now to real people. statistically one unbelievably bad thing will probably happen to everyone.

i’ve just had a lot of them. so it’s hard for young people to get that i guess.

i made chili dogs for dinner because one of the internet people i talk to yesterday was talking about it and i got hungry for them. it was so good. i was up to my wrists in chili. i looked like a toddler who didn’t want to eat their baby food. i had to really struggle to, like, pick up my cup of water to take a drink with my chili hands. i don’t like touching things with gunk on my hands. or having gunk on my hands really. 

i washed everything afterward and actually put my god dang dishes in the dishwasher for the first time in like four days. and i RAN A CYCLE!!! HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!! CLEANING MONSTER

i thought about making muffins for my classmates tomorrow but, upon considering that i am very depressed right now, and also that half my classmates aren’t going to want/be able to come to campus, i have decided it might be better to save them for monday instead. thursday night i’ll be too busy studying for quantum, hopefully.

i gave jennica my toolbox since her bike fell apart and i fiddled with the dropbox for a long time. but i didn’t do any studying or grading because i’m too cool for important things like preparing for a very difficult exam i have to take in two days that i don’t like and don’t want to think about.

i uploaded all my notes so far to the database but i was too tired to label all of them so i did nothing instead.

you know. i guess there’s kind of a utility in doing nothing. i don’t know if that’s a good thing or an excuse or what. but. sometimes i feel like any activity at all can lead very quickly and very unexpectedly into “self harm” or worse territory. so i elect instead to do absolutely nothing for long periods of time. i did force myself to at least train one of my pokemon while i, i don’t know, i was barely watching the youtube videos at all. i just wanted to feel like i was accomplishing something by taking a bunch of stuff off my bookmarks because i’d technically looked at it like i wanted when i’d bookmarked it.

i know it’s not really accomplishing anything. but at least there’s less bs cluttering up my bookmarks bar so now it’s easier to see the stuff i actually did want to look at later. like kinesthetic learning strategies. 

at least my chili was really good... 

oh i figured out a way to get snoopy to stop yowling all night. besides when she hurts herself i guess. i find knots of tangled fur ripped out on the couch and the ottoman and stuff sometimes. and i find her claws on the ground in the morning sometimes. i think she splits them on accident. not sure what’s making them so brittle though.

but anyway just saying “hey snoopy” seems to calm her down a little bit. this morning while i was sleeping in i did get her to actually lay on my bed with me for a while and she seemed to like that until i shifted my weight and bumped her with my foot. but she wasn’t “MAHHHH”ing for that period of time so it’s a success!!!!

i think she’s got mats on her stomach but she won’t let me touch any of that so i can’t really try to brush anything and she just accidentally tears it out sometimes while grooming i guess. she’s only barely started letting me brush around her hips. i’m thinking about taking her somewhere to get her claws and fur trimmed and maybe her teeth cleaned and stuff but i don’t know how much it’ll cost and i don’t know who’s got people who can do cats around here. petco didn’t when we first went...

tomorrow i’m gonna go to a “wellness coaching” event that the counseling center is hosting. even if i don’t learn anything new i need to hear this stuff over and over again or i’m gonna forget it. and maybe getting some professionally-sanctioned attention will help me feel a little better by itself.

i’m kinda bummed because i had time to play with snoopy today, since i got home right before 6, but i just didn’t have any energy i guess. 

energy doesn’t seem like the right word to be using. because physically i could technically do it. there’s no sleepiness or anything keeping me from doing it. but if it occurs to me that i could be doing it my brain gives a hard “no.” kinda like with my homework situation!!!!!!!!!!!!

emotional energy? willpower? does it take willpower to NOT do things, like i kinda talked about earlier? what am i spending all my energy on?

most days i think i would explain my energy as being allocated “80% toward not killing myself, 10% toward maintaining myself/my environment, and 10% toward school because that’s all i have left.” but not killing myself isn’t necessarily an active thing i have to do at all times so maybe it’s not taking up all that mental space. i just don’t know. i mean, of course, sometimes it is, but, not always.

it’s 11:20 which is 35 minutes after my “STOP WRITING AND GO TO BED, ASSHOLE” time so i’m going to try to rest i guess. i don’t know if i can teach for four hours straight tomorrow. it’ll be a reduced class size but i still put all my attention on my students for that period of time. maybe i can kinda get them to finish early so i can go to the bathroom before the second two hours at least. guess i’ll just live with it.

[fishyfod]

(Slightly) more organized thoughts on the V8 finale.

tl;dr I think the finale had some issues.

I’ll start this off by emphasizing again that this is my opinion, so read something else if you can’t handle negative criticism of RWBY. I say this because too often people in this FNDM can’t handle a difference in opinion without insulting or patronizing others, and I want none of that.

Now, RWBY’s general structural issue is a lack of time to fulfill all their ambitions, and they usually tend to neglect one aspect a bit more than others. In volumes 7 and 8 this proved to be quite a problem, because they wanted to tell quite a complicated story while introducing a fairly large amount of new and returning characters. I very much like the story they told in these volumes, but it must be said that the development and focus on the regular cast, and team RWBY in particular, has suffered for it. It’s not a deal breaker for me personally, but I do think it’s an issue.

So when I saw the finale episode only had about 20 minutes, I figured the best course of choice for RWBY would be to focus on the Atlas-only plots, and leave RWBY & co’s stories for the next volume, which by all accounts seems to be focused only on their character. And credit where credit is due, this is what RWBY decided to do with this finale. This doesn’t really solve the underlying issue that the main cast has yet again been relegated to such a minor role in their own show, but I can live with it.

I still do have a problem with how RWBY’s role in this finale was handled, and forgive me because this might be the least well-explained part of this review. The best way to describe it would be that, though I know I’m watching team RWBY, they don’t feel present in the finale? I struggle to put my finger on it, if it’s more an issue of direction or execution, but something about RWBY’s fight felt off for me.

By comparison, when I think of the episode before, I don’t have this issue. While the way Yang fell isn’t RWBY’s best execution, the reactions of RWBY to that fall worked quite well. There was individual focus on Yang falling, Blake screaming and raging at it, Weiss’s heart breaking into two, Ruby falling into more despair - the tragedy works because of it. I don’t feel the same about the finale, RWB fall almost as if they’re passerby rather than the main characters.

Again, maybe this is just me, maybe I’ll change my mind later. Whatever.

I think Cinder is the one I’m most satisfied with. She seems in character, she acts a lot like she did in her confident state during Beacon, and I did get the impression Salem knows Cinder is lying to her. I admit that I did not expect this direction for Cinder, it seemed like the right spot to have her break free from Salem, but it’s too early for me to call where her arc is going to.

The only nitpick I have with Cinder is how she offed Arthur. I felt like it could have a little more focus? I get that his death is supposed to feel completely inconsequential, but I wish there was just a little bit more there. Again, only a nitpick.

Vine - I think my opinion on Vine’s death is quite unpopular. It felt too last minute, without enough setup. See, while killing Harriet here would have its own set of issues, she was well developed enough where you could actively feel for her, while also expecting a possible death. I can’t say the same about Vine; Vine is only a teensy bit more developed than Elm, which isn’t a lot. He’s making a huge sacrifice, but the lack of character makes him seem expendable by design. It feels like the writers put all their efforts into threatening Harriet’s life, realized last minute that actually they could a lot more with her character (good call), so they shoved in Vine in her place because they still needed a bomb sacrifice.

On the flip side, three of the Ace Ops surviving and proving once and for all they broke away from Ironwood too, with Harriet and Marrow still alive - that is good. I’m not sure what more they’re planning to do with their characters, but it’s preferable to far worse alternatives I can imagine. We’ll see.

Then there’s Penny. sigh

I’m not sure what I can add that P5, bell or cosmokyrin, and probably a few others haven’t already said, but I don’t think it was well written. The whole body-thing in “Creation”, sure, I can accept that was a difference of interpretation. This? This whole, let’s resurrect Penny, develop her immensely as a character, reaffirm her autonomy multiple times over, avoid multiple deaths, only to die like this?

I know the common comparison people make here is with V3, and I can see where people are coming from. After all, Pyrrha and Penny’s deaths were impactful and tragic there, and most people agree that was well written. What’s the difference here? Some differences in circumstance are worth visiting here.

Penny of the Beacon era, lovable character that she was already, was not the most developed character. At the end of the day, most of what we knew of Penny then was in relation to Ruby - we knew Ruby cared for her a lot, we knew why they bonded, so we had setup as to why her death would impact the Fall so much. It works, because it gave enough focus on her for us to care about, but not overly so where the shocking factor of the Fall wouldn’t work.

With Pyrrha, I think we all knew the signs were there at the end of the day. I’d argue that Pyrrha’s very conception as a character lead to her death, she was just slightly too perfect for us not to expect a tragedy to occur. Importantly, her major arc in V3 sets us up to her death - through her conversation with Ozpin’s gang and Jaune, the introduction of Ember and the soul transfer device, killing Penny - by the time Pyrrha dies you’re prepared for it, and it still hurts. Even if the tragic scenario presented (losing Pyrrha because of the soul transfer) wasn’t the one used, dying because she tried defending the use of those powers from Cinder made sense. It was enough of a switch you weren’t bored because you expected everything to go to plan, but it wasn’t too drastic where you felt completely unprepared for what would happen.

The trouble with how Penny’s death was handled here, is in part because they just kept pushing us to the edge, making us worry about one tragic scenario, another way for Penny to die, only to alleviate our fears - only to kill her off anyway in a completely separate way. It happened so often in these two volumes, when we were already fresh off recognizing Penny wasn’t dead in V3, that rather than feeling like an expected death that is tragic, is feels like they toyed with out perception constantly only because they could. When you raise and lower death flags over and over in such a small amount of time, the tragedy you aimed to convey is lost. Perhaps unintentionally, the point no longer seems to be telling a tragic story, it’s only playing this cruel game of perception with the audience. What’s the joke about Jean Grey in x-men, that she keeps being killed off and resurrected so often it’s hard to care about it all? Is this how I’m supposed to look at Penny, RWBY’s Jean Grey?

Granted, I’m not sure that if they committed to one consistent death threat with Penny and followed through, that necessarily would’ve been better. I’m not sure how I’d think of RWBY if she died from the virus, for example. At least, however, I’d be more confident in saying that was a difference of direction, rather than a difficult writing choice to comprehend.

It’s only fitting I’d talk about Winter now, huh? I think you all know my stance about her as a character, I’d argue that she, Ironwood and Cinder were the best handled characters in these two volumes by a fair margin, but the finale leaves me very conflicted about her.

On the one hand, it’s everything I want. Winter’s confrontation with Ironwood is like a mix of Blake facing off against Adam and Yang confronting Raven, and while not as impactful in terms of storytelling, they do deliver on the same fronts. Winter calls out Ironwood for his lies, establishing once and for all it was by her volition she broke off, her conscience that was always better, and there is something poetic about her gaining the Winter Maiden powers to fulfill her goal of protecting others.

...but I can’t separate this from Penny’s fate. And it frustrates me to no end, because I love her connection to Penny, I made comparisons of how it reminds of Bumbleby’s relationship, it drives their characters forward so much, heck, I like that Penny took a part in taking down Ironwood with Winter, in a sense. But because Penny’s death feels so contrived, its connection to Winter almost cheapens the importance of their relationship with each other. And it doesn’t seem quite needed either, since they individually as characters already broke free from Ironwood.

I can sort of see that I am supposed to interpret it as a tragedy, and I do indeed think Winter getting the Maiden powers is tragic for her character (not unlike Spring Maiden!Yang theories), and I am excited to see where this is going. I thought this was the end for Winter’s major impact on the story, but there’s a whole other arc waiting, and Penny’s a major part of it too.

To say I’m conflicted about Winter would be an understatement.

The actual silver lining, for me, is the post credit scene. Volume 9 is an opportunity for RWBY to try and change some of the problem I presented initially. My hope is that by focusing almost exclusively on team RWBY, with Jaune and Neo, and putting less emphasis on developing the settings of giant-tree-land and not over-complicating the plot. Hopefully, this would allow them to focus on developing the main cast again, in in particular addressing some of the main issues presented; notably, the Bees confessing, Ruby maybe reaching her breaking point, Yang’s issues being addressed, and hopefully something more individual for Blake and Weiss as well. Neo is an interesting curveball to throw into this equation, and I have a decent amount of hope with Jaune (although then I remember it’s probably going to be about Penny, and, ugh...).

Yeah, that’s all I have at the moment. If you want to talk about it, my inbox and DM’s are always open. If you disagree with me that’s fair, just give me the minimal amount of respect rather than being an ass about it.

[smtlaw]

Why i think Yosuga isn’t lawful

I have seen a lot of people saying Yosuga has law traits or is lawful, i understand why they have come to consider Chiaki’s reason as such, however i disagree and so the point of this post is to explain why i think Yosuga is actually a chaotic reason.

spoilers from smt 1, 2, NINE, Nocturne and some minor ones from IMAGINE ahead.

To see why Yosuga isn’t lawful one must first understand what Law is as an ideology in the games that came before nocturne(and IMAGINE)

in SMT 1, Law was introduced as faction that desired to bring peace and stability under the guidance of God

Law Hero: I have been told of the ideals embodied by the Millennium Kingdom,in that kingdom the earth will know eternal peace.

Raphael: Let us put an end to this decadent world of destrucion and carnage, i submit to your(the protagonist if he is Law aligned) will until peace reigns upon this earth.

Law Hero:  the Millennium Kingdom is a world of eternal peace; God’s salvation come to fruition.

Do notice that Peace and order aren’t being said as an afterthought but rather as a core aspect of what they want their ideal world to be like once it is created, Uriel in IMAGINE more or less says this is the reason to follow God

once again the idea of peace is given emphasis and is treated as the reason to follow “God”, and its even how his authority is justifed on Law.

SMT 2 keeps the focus on peace but its Law ending gives a nice development to the ideology, if God’s authority is justified because he can bring peace and happiness then would it be fair to kill him if he became a problem for the overall happiness of the collective? the ending answers that question by showing Zayin/Satan’s rebellion against [Record scratch] and the center,in the Neutral route Satan tells you the center would never be able to create the  Millennium Kingdom.

Satan: God has abandoned Tokyo Millennium, he knew that so long as humanity has (demonic)knowledge, they will turn from him and bringing about an ideal world will be impossible, that is why the ideal world envisioned by messians(the center) and Seraphim -The Thousand year kingdom- was doomed to fail from the start.

essentially the Center clinged to egoism and this reflected in the city they created, despite having peace and a world where the weak can be happy as one of their endgoals, all they ended up creating was a stagnating world where the weak suffer, this is importart since the authors themselves recognized this:

Kaneko: They were beings who misunderstood God’s teachings and kept going forward. That is why they were abandoned and headed towards ruin.

Okada: Exactly. This doesn’t show up in writing, but the Senate is Dark-Law, while Gabriel and Satan are Light-Law.

basically the Center and by extension Tokyo Millennium as a whole are meant to be a corruption of Law’s ideals, since instead of erasing egoism(Like Satan implies thats what happen with the people in the ark in the Law route) they embraced it and wanted to created a world of peace not out of love for humanity but simply for themselves.

Satan judging [Record scratch] may seem out of nowhere, however one must first consider What Satan already knew about the nature of God before this moment, as the visionary items show:

Voice: Do not try to obey something. Do not try to obey someone. Do not think of God as having just one face. God is not good. God is everything. Everything is God. You too can become a face of God.

when Zayin was captured and sealed by the center he has a revaletion, he learns that God is not just a single being but rather everything, what exist is the faces of god and that he too can become one(which is what happens since as we know Satan is from the godly race in smt 2)

So by the time Aleph and Satan meet [Record scratch], he is already aware the being he is meeting is not God, but rather just a face of it, in this sense one could argue Satan doesn't rebel out of a moment of guilty(do keep in mind the genocide line is an error in the fan translation) but rather because he had a different idea of what Law should be, [Record scratch] wanted Law to be about him and his peace but Satan wanted more, he wanted a world of peace and equality for humans, not under mindless worship of an avatar of god, thus Satan rebels because he truly believed in Law as an ideology/principle.

The Law ending of smt 2 thus places more importance towards the ideals of Law rather than obedience towards a single being and it is meant to show that this is what Law is about.

NINE more or less keeps and expand on those ideas, its a story that takes place even before the events of smt 2(and most likely IMAGINE), with the goal of peace being given a focus point once again, but this time not with God’s guidance as the Neo-Messiahs instead create a world of peace(True Tokyo and Idea space) with their Goddess(Maria) and actually kill the Demiurge in the law leaning routes as a symbol of humanity cutting ties with God and also once again showing an example that God’s will is not always what Law wants.

and now we must understand what Yosuga actually wanted and why its simply incompatible with what Law as an ideology represented in the past games.

the first example of Yosuga ideology we see is with Gozu-Tennoh and the Mantra, one may argue they aren’t Yosuga aligned but they are still very associated with them as several mantra demons join Yosuga, the mantra HQ becomes the city of Yosuga and even Gozu-Tennoh describe their ideology as being very similar up to the point that he is willing to help help her, when you first meet him Gozu-Tennoh describe their ideal world as a “Kingdom of Chaos”, this of course doesn’t necessarily refers to the Chaos ideology in the games, which is fair, however as we argued before the core goals of Law is a world of peace and stability, one has to wonder if one of  Gozu-Tennoh’s goals was peace why refer to it as a world of chaos, the word itself imply a lack of stability and structure and instead hints towards a world of constant change, this ties with the way Chiaki describe her ideology and ideal world:

Chiaki doesn’t describe the world as lacking peace, but rather lacking change, that the world was taking care of the weak too much and so wasn’t changing, this resemble more Chaos than Law, for one she wants a world of change like Chaos rather than Law and blames those who lack power for the lack of change.

naturally they want a world of endless war, as Kagutsuchi himself later on refers to their world as “a Kingdom which rejoices in conflict” in the Yosuga ending, this gives a new way to look at Yosuga, they belive that the weak should die no matter what(which is kinda different from normal Chaos since on normal Chaos if the weak dies or lives in servituted is up to the strong to decide). so all of this gives a clear vision to how their world would look like: a world where the “beautiful”(the strong) rise to the top and stay there while ensuring a world of endless war and conflict rages on in order to ensure Change, however if the world is now forever in a state of conflict wouldn’t that mean that some of the strong may start to fall, if the world is always at war it would be hard to assume the strong would always be the same ones as the ones who were chosen in the beginning of it.

But then why is the divine race siding with such a violent reason if peace was the core of their ideology in the other games?  My best answer is that The logic of the old world died, if you notice Hikawa's side mostly has chaotic demons despite sounding very lawful too, the vortex world is a world without meaning, in such a world a demon who is usually associated with chaos can seek a lawful reason without becoming a lawful demon because being a demon associated with a specific alignment doesn't mean anything in the vortex world, same thing happens to angels seeking a chaotic reason, essentially demons siding with Shijima and angels siding with Yosuga is not meant to make sense, because it shows how a symbol(the idea a demon represents) can change what it used to mean into something completely different.

the only way Yosuga comes of as Lawful is by Nocturne standarts of what Order and Chaos is, in other games Law vs Chaos is the battle between 2 groups that wish to shape society to a new way of thinking, this isn't the case in Nocturne, order in nocturne is "i wish the universe to exist in a system of death and rebirth", while Chaos is "i wish to seek meaning outside the universe itself", the normal Law vs Chaos is about how you wish society to be like while Nocturne Law vs Chaos is about the cosmic rules you want the universe to obey or if you even want to live in one.So while Yosuga can be considered Meta-Law it wouldn't really fit with Normal Law in the rest of the games.

after considering all of this i can’t really see the Reason of Yosuga as lawful, they desire a world of conflict and change but Law seeks a world of peace and stability, the authority in Law is justified by the fact they can guide humanity towards peace but the authority in Yosuga is justified simply by power, and as mentioned before Law has an emphasis on creating a world for the weak but Yosuga seeks to always exterminate those who lack power.

it is true that Law is willing to do a lot of evil stuff but one has to remember that from their point of view they are doing this for a world of peace where everyone is happy and where there is no difference between the strong and the weak, so from their point of view this is usually viewed as a necessary evil rather than the way their ideal world will look like.

although i believe that Yosuga comes of as chaotic, i still believe there is difference between it and normal chaos, Chiaki’s ideal world seems like it will always stay in a cicle of violence and a world of chaos can indeed be violent however as Lucifer says in smt 2 chaos ending you can strive to create peace if you have the power and so long as it doesn’t stay in the way of freedom, which is another difference between it and Yosuga, Yosuga has no emphasis on the freedom Chaos allow to those who rise to the top.

basically i think Yosuga is a pseudo-Chaos faction.

[xiyao-feels]

new tu and xiyao fan from earlier. i searched ao3 as per your suggestion and there's only 500 or so fics for them. :( however, i do have a legit question - what are the differences between mdzs and tu (i've never read the latter). and if you want expand on nieyao (or xiyao) please feel free! i love reading meta! one of the few reasons i miss old school fandom spaces lol. thank you!! :D

Hmmm, I see about eight hundred if I limit to English? But I take your point! But that was just as a way to start; once you do find an author you like, you can look at their bookmarks, for example. (Also I'm not sure if you're familiar with the AO3, but if not, sorting by kudos when doing a general search is a way to get stuff that at least lots of people thought was good. I'm not saying it's perfect, but when you're starting in a fandom it can be better than the default by-date-updated.)

Also I'll take the opportunity to plug my absolute favourite xiyao author, roquen. I didn't mention them last time because they haven't I believe written a post-canon fixit, and you should know that they're mostly sticking to MDZS instead of CQL canon, although with some sprinkling of CQL elements and characterization. Some particular favourites of mine include their AtLA AU and their Sunshot/on the run fics (both series with a couple of short fics), their what you might call a mid-temple hopeful fix-it (divergence where LWJ strikes to kill and LXC takes the blow), the baby LXC fic ("Lan Xichen reverts to being a fifteen-year-old junior, and immediately gets an epic crush on Lianfang-zun"; disclaimer that I was fairly involved with the creation of this one but it's GREAT) and, of course, above all, their gigantic canon fix-it verse, it's worth it every time. It's SO GOOD and the characterization is fantastic and the prose is excellent and UGH. It's so good!!!!! Disclaimer that the second fic in the series, which is the main work, is still WIP, but roquen updates regularly and there are only a couple of chapters left; if you're still wary of WIPs, I'd at least recommend the first fic, which stands alone and is brilliant in its own right.

As to the differences between MDZS and CQL…ho boy. There are quite a few, both major and minor, and I'm by no means familar with all of them—especially the ones that don't involve 3zun, lol. I tried to google around but unfortunately the ones I found tended to be either short or, if more in-depth, contain inaccuracies about JGY/LXC—I think people tend to be more interested in the Wangxian, and then this stuff goes by the wayside. The wiki can be a good source for differences for specific incidents, and although I think it's not always accurate it /does/ usually cite chapter or episode, which can be pretty helpful. 

This, by hualiann, looks like a good overview, though I'd add that JYL, WQ and WN didn't study at Cloud Recesses in the novel and that more generally MDZS has a lot of actual undead.

In general my advice is to take things people say about the novel with a large grain of salt, myself included. And about CQL, too! I have no idea if this is you but when I joined the fandom, if people asserted stuff about CQL I tended to just kind of take it as fact—oh, I thought, I must have misremembered! My memory is pretty terrible, and honestly there was absolutely stuff I did misremember. But also sometimes other people misremember, or fanon gets taken as canon, and then there's stuff like—I mean, I'm certainly not going to blame people for not realizing that "JGY conspired with XY at the Unclean Realm" is a lot more uncertain than you might guess at first, especially if they're more Wangxian focused which most people in the fandom are, but I'm still not going to present it as straight-up fact. (veliseraptor has a recent post examining this here which I would very much recommend).

Honestly I think I'd recommend reading the MDZS NMJ Empathy flashback—chapters 48, 49, and the beginning of 50. That gets you a lot of the JGY, LXC and NMJ backstory, and then you can compare for yourself! I'm also going to recommend Mercy's thread, here, listing common fanons about MDZS (I will add to the list, since it's a bugbear of mine, the idea that LXC recognized NMJ's fierce corpse by his abs).

Okay with all that out of the way, and in no particular order, Sun's extremely idiosyncratic and particularly- aka mostly JGY-focused differences list:

-In MDZS, LXC doesn't become Sect Leader until the burning of Cloud Recesses by the Wen, when his father is injured and then succumbs to his wounds. In CQL, he's Sect Leader from the beginning of the show, his father having apparently died not too long before the show started.

-In MDZS, MY wasn't working for the Nie at all before the beginning of Sunshot; he joined the Nie forces just after Sunshot began. NMJ didn't instantly promote him to be his deputy when he's telling at the Nie men for bad-mouthing him; it takes a few more encounters and/or battles with the Wen (after which MY clears the battlefield and helps the commoners).

-In MDZS, xiyao's first meeting happens when LXC is on the run with the Lan books after the burning of Cloud Recesses. We don't see it happen on the page, and we don't know any details of that time beyond, like, MY helped LXC.

-NMJ willingly sends MY away from the Nie, with a letter of recommendation for JGS, after, uh, an extended overhearing of a conversation between MY and LXC wherein MY's desire to be recognized by his father and gain a proper place in the Jin, the opportunity offered for that by JGS recruiting talent at Langya, and the possible difficulty of obtaining permission from NMJ are all established. 

-NMJ sees MY stabbing a /Jin/ captain, at Langya, after he goes looking for MY. Rather than taking a blow for NMJ, MY stabs himself, faking suicide, then immobilizes NMJ (who's trying to save his life) and flees. This is because NMJ wants MY to go turn himself in for killing the captain; MY thinks they'll kill him, while NMJ says that if the captain has actually been mistreating MY as MY said, MY won't be killed. Personally I think that all the evidence suggests that MY is right, and NMJ is blind to the effects of his position to the extent it's a not insignificant moral failure.

-Okay, so, you know how in CQL MY stabs WRH while he's distracted with WWX, outside on the steps with the Sunshot alliance right outside? In /MDZS/, they're in the Sun Palace, WWX isn't anywhere near the place, he does it to save NMJ's life, and then he starts lugging NMJ's unconscious body out of the palace. And then NMJ comes to consciousness amd demands his sabre and tries to kill him. He likely only survives because of NMJ's wounds, and if LXC hadn't shown up (responding to a message MY sent for aid for NMJ) NMJ might easily have killed him. If you want a more in-depth analysis, I take a close look here in my response to someone's, er, imaginative interpretation of NMJ and JGY's relationship in MDZS.

-In CQL, NMJ's qi deviation happens at the stairs incident. In MDZS, it happens later, when he overhears JGY being upset to LXC about how NMJ treated him at the stairs, and, overcome with rage that JGY would dare (arguably in combination with being polite and pleasant to NMJ's face, although the last time he was confrontational to NMJ's face NMJ kicked him down the stairs and tried to kill him so), he kicks open the door and tries to kill him. He also kills several people as he's qi deviating (seeing them as JGY—while in CQL he also sees several JGYs they seem to be just illusions), and injures NHS.

-In MDZS, NMJ sets fire to all of NHS' nice things. I don't think we're told either way in CQL, although it's worth noting that in MDZS this happens after the stairs (and before JGY starts playing for him again). (I think they do something in FJ?? But I don't take FJ as canon for CQL; see confusion-and-more's post here).

-In CQL, JGY suggests to NMJ that he's always played the corrupted Clarity for him (though granted this is in Empathy, so it's hard to say for sure if this is what he actually said, but in any case it's the only version we're given). In MDZS, it's strongly indicated that JGY only started playing Turmoil for NMJ /after/ the stairs—there's a variety of evidence, but I think the most objective is that WWX, who in MDZS Empathy can literally feel NMJ's anger, actually observes it working beforehand:

Since [JGY started playing for NMJ], Jin GuangYao would travel from Lanling to Qinghe every few days, playing Sound of Lucidity to help quell Nie MingJue rage. He tried his hardest, without speaking even a single word of complaint. Sound of Lucidity was indeed effective. Wei WuXian could clearly feel that the hostile energy within Nie MingJue was being suppressed.

(Exiled Rebels translation, ch. 49)

And then the next scene is the stairs incident, so.

-In general, the degree to which JGY's position is completely awful is played down in CQL. confusion-and-more talks about it a bit here; I'd also note that some of JGY's dialogue defending himself is removed ( “Some trivial achievements?” He spoke in a shaking voice, “…What do you mean, some trivial achievements? ChiFeng-Zun, do you know how much work I put into such trivial achievements? How much I suffered? Glory? Without the handful of glory I have nothing!”, for example), we don't hear about his mother at the guqin scene, the temple flashback where his mother is dragged naked outside by a client and he's kicked down the brothel stairs is eliminated, etc etc.

-There is absolutely no second flutist in MDZS; also JGY tells us in the temple that QS was already pregnant before he found out about the incest. I think even in CQL it's questionable whether he actually intended to kill Zixuan (see this whole conversation), and significant unveiling or no CQL never actually says QS wasn't pregnant before their marriage so I tend to go with that too, but certainly it's easy to walk away with the impression that he definitely did both deliberately, especially if you aren't familiar with the novel.

-(In general, I think CQL JGY is a lot more sympathetic than most people think once you look closely, but he's also very much set up to look upon a more casual watching as Villain, so.)

-In CQL it's All A-Yao All The Time but in MDZS we see LXC calling him san-di after the sworn brotherhood, and then it's back to A-Yao in the present day (see my last addition on this chain here).

-In MDZS, JGY doesn't shove JL out of the way of the incoming attack.

-The LXC lifting JGY out of his bow thing is from CQL

-The watchtowers! Oh /man/ the watchtowers. God the watchtowers are so much. Uh, confusion-and-more has a post about how much they're mentioned in MDZS vs CQL here, and see my last addition to this thread for an argument that the watchtowers were indeed a force for good. God. Twelve hundred watchtowers. He must have saved so many lives...

-confusion-and-more's watchtower post also reminds me that CQL has the Guanyin temple giving out medicine, while MDZS does not

-The episode 23 scene where Sect Leaders Jin, Nie, and Lan agree to spare some of the Wen doesn't exist in MDZS (though I'll take the opportunity to observe that I disagree with popular interpretations of that scene, see point three here).

-In MDZS NMJ's fierce corpse is literally trying to kill JGY, there's no saber spirit. And like, it's been trying to kill JGY for a long damn time, that's why JGY dismembered him.

-The XY plotline—in MDZS, JGY recommends a young XY (who at thay point has a reputation but is not known to have committed any massacres) as a Jin cultivator, as part of an effort by JGS to recreate the Yin Tiger Seal. JGS has multiple people trying, but most of them aren't getting anywhere and XY is getting furthest. It's during this time that XY kills the Chang clan, and is discovered as guilty by XXC, who brings up the evidence at a conference happening in Lanling; the Jin are stalling, MMJ gets angry and shows up, he almost kills XY on the spot and gives JGS a lecture such that he's forced to relent and sentence XY to death (and incidentally scares JGY, imho quite seriously, while he's at it). Then JGS turns it into life imprisonment once NMJ has left, and then NMJ is extremely angry and attacks JGY at the stairs. (Ch. 30 and 118)

-I mentioned before but I'll add it here too: in CQL JGY asks LXC to stay and die with him, and LXC agrees.

-The CQL ending in general is...hmmm. Despite having most of the elements which complicate MDZS' ending (JL is in a terrible position!), it kind of presents as...happy ending all is fixed now? In MDZS I think it's presented as—more complicated, even though Wangxian do very much get their happy ending.

-Also LWJ is a lot less. uh. Okay, so in CQL he's more Mr Morality, and in MDZS it's much more Wei Ying Right Or Wrong. Also, he doesn't become Chief Cultivator in MDZS! I think that's my least favourite change, because it's like...LWJ hates politics, hates compromise, and never attends the cultivation conferences. At least one of 'this is going to be a major diisaster' and 'LWJ is going to have to go through some significant shifts in his worldview and approach' are going to have to happen, but that's not the vibe CQL gives off at all, and I think it really works against some of the major themes of the text :/

-OH RIGHT I knew I was forgetting something—in MDZS MXY's revenge is focused solely on the Mo; JGY is not part of the curse.

Okay I don't want to go too much on about xiyao or nieyao, because this is already quite long and I don't want you to be waiting forever, but broadly although I certainly think NMJ cares about JGY a great deal it seems to be about his competence and potential; he doesn't really seem to, like, actually like who he is as a person. JGY, meanwhile, is at first very grateful to and then increasingly exasperated by and very much fucking terrified of NMJ, but...well, he doesn't seem to be into him or interested in spending time with him for the sake of it or etc etc.

On the other hand—xiyao. Man, xiyao!!!! They just—they get each other so fast, they're /partners/, they work together so well, they like and they respect each other, they're both like—LXC and MS are on their own tier for JGY, LWJ and JGY are on their own tier for LXC, they're for each other in a way neither is for anyone else, they care a lot about the same things—it's not perfect overlap, obviously, but it's more overlap I think than either has with anyone else, they—invest, they're builders, JGY was planning the watchtowers project from way back and although I have no doubt he was driving it LXC was with him and!!!! ugh!!!!! xiyao are REALLY GREAT, okay.

[pl-panda]

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 17

MASTERLIST || First || Previous || Next

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 17

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The altercation with three footballers had several outcomes. First, Marinette was no longer treated as someone weak. Quite the opposite. The smarter part of the school now had a healthy dose of respect for the small french girl when they saw the camera recording Chloé ‘leaked’. The more sport-inclined part of the faculty was devastated by the loss of the three star players, for which they blamed Marinette. 

Erica washed her hands about the whole incident, declaring that the poor souls must’ve just rashly reacted to the gossip going around the school. It still hurt her position a bit. Chloé and Allegra masterfully countered any of her minor lies and started spreading gossip about the head cheerleader instead. It was turning into a cold war, where neither side could get any advantage over the other for long. 

The initial background search turned clean on both of them. Lila’s mother was an orphan, raised in one of the covenants in the mountains before studying law and politology. She now headed the French Embassy, after previously working in Germany, Belgium, and Spain. Lila’s father was a mystery and his name was not given at any point. The Italian girl often changed schools. Usually, she didn’t stay even one semester there. Lack of any family and trusted friends made her move around with her mother often. Boarding schools were too expensive for a then-starting diplomat. At some point, Lila started to thrive in each new school. Her files were nothing but praise since then. 

Erica Layton was born Erica Blake, then Boyle when her mother married a wealthy CEO. Before, she ran a smaller Blake Industry, which merged with Boyle enterprises after the wedding. When Mr. Boyle was shot during one of the Two-face’s robberies, Erica’s mother started to date again. Until last summer, when she married a star baseball player, Lance Layton. The business was clean-ish and there was nothing that could be used against them really. There were some cases of inner nepotism and a bit of discrimination, but it wasn’t even worth a real investigation. Erica herself was truly a mean character, but her good looks, influential family, and good grades made her the “Gotham Academy Golden Princess.”

Damian wanted to get his vengeance. He tried hacking, but Barbara stopped him. It wasn’t as if anything he got that way could’ve been used against her and forging evidence was wrong, and would only hurt them in the long run. Marinette stopped him from going after them as Black Cat, which only agitated him further. He hated the feeling of powerlessness. Well, he loved Marinette more so he wouldn’t go against her orders. 

Sabine also did her best, but she was similarly blocked by Barbara, who went as far as to lock the Bat-computer. A woman of many skills, Sabine was still unable to beat Oracle at hacking. She did make sure to always be available and near the school to intervene if any of the teachers tried to punish Mari unfairly. She was doing the same for Chloé, who she slowly came to treat as her child too, just like Cassandra. 

Allegra tried to get her mother involved, but Catherine Hamilton-Kane was a woman of high morals and would not use her influence to fight dirty games. “That’s how corruption took seed,” she declared. And Gotham Academy, as a private school, was beyond her reach anyway. It still gave Allegra enough power to at least counter Erica and her mother, who was at best negligent and at worst co-operating with her daughter. 

All in all, Marinette and Chloé settled into some form of routine. The school was much better than Françoise Dupont. It was bigger, which meant Lila had a harder time setting up her court. Erica’s power also suffered a major hit when the ‘outcasts’, as the blonde witch called them, took a bit more active role in the events going around. Claude, who was one of the lead actors in the theatre club made sure that no one aligned with Lila or Erica could join. Felix started to slowly push Erica from politics, engaging in subtle games at every front. Even Jon helped by taking over the school newspaper. The guy that was running it previously happily handed over the reins. 

There were few minor dramas at school, like the Witch Club, haunting at the theatre, or the weird carnival. Damian and Marinette didn’t pay it much attention. Claude dealt with the ghost quite easily and met Katherine Karlo, who became his favorite actress ever since. Professor Trent was against including her, but when the usually cheery boy threatened him to quit and take over half of the crew, the discussion was over rather swiftly.

Of course, akumas didn’t make it easier. In fact, they were the biggest holdback. Whenever Chloé and Damian did something too drastic, Lila, Erica, or someone associated with them would become an akuma and then their work was in ruin. Every akuma on their side would earn them ‘pity points’ and serve as ammunition against the Waynes’ front. 

The investigation proved fruitless. Sure, akumas could’ve been traced, but they actually made sure to never come from the same spot. Sometimes, it was a rundown building, other times a flat over a crowded restaurant; a hotel; a public toilet at the bus station. Adrien was moving and making sure not to fall for what got his father. They had no idea how he could be so stealthy. The cameras never saw anyone even similar to him at any of those places. Sabine was now running the rooftops as Shadowbat, not wanting the press to associate the Miraculous team with Batfamily too much for now. She had been using her old assassin suit (still fitting perfectly) with a bat logo on her chest as her outfit. She mostly just worked with Cass. Black Bat and Shadowbat. They were probably most feared of all dynamic duos in Gotham. Silent, ruthless, precise, undefeated.

Of course, peace couldn’t really last forever. About six weeks since Christmas, when Marinette’s birthday was closing in, the first real hiccup appeared. 

--------------

Just before lunch, Marinette’s phone vibrated, as well as several other people’s in the class. When the bell rang, she went to check it. From past experience, she knew that mass messages to students were usually bad. It had Erica and Lila plastered all over it. It was a link to the tabloid article. It opened with a photo of Damian and Allegra, sitting in a coffee shop and drinking coffee. She only read a bit of the content, far enough to reach the first quote of GA student, before storming out. People were giving her pitying looks as she walked toward the cafeteria. She didn’t want to do anything rash until she spoke to Chloé and Allegra. That was a new kind of low for the Mean Girls front. They even dared to attach a message of fake condolences to Marinette. 

Unknowingly, the Bluenette was channeling Damian the whole way, making people jump out of her path. Nobody ever saw the Angel (not that anyone would call her that within Damian’s hearing range, or where one of his multiple informants could inform him) so angry. Suddenly, everyone remembered how she took three football players in less than twenty seconds without getting more than a light bruise on her neck. 

The cafeteria was completely silent the moment she entered. Everyone expected her to rage at Damian, who was waiting next to the doors to intercept her immediately. To their utter and infinite surprise, she instead grabbed his hand into hers and squeezed tightly. A small smile made its way on her face and Damian smirked too. Nobody (but the ‘outcasts’) had any idea what that was about. Didn’t he cheat on her recently, or for a long time?

The two walked past the baffled crowd toward where Allegra and Chloé sat, already waiting for them. There were no words exchanged between the four, but the two blondes nodded like it was a signal. 

Marinette and Damian jumped onto the table in a synchronized show of grace and agility. Everyone stared at them. 

“Hi!” Marinette smiled. Next to her, her boyfriend was glaring at certain people in the crowd. “First, I wanted to thank all of you who actually meant it when they gave me their condolences. You had good intentions, even if they were completely misplaced.”

“Tt. I did not cheat on my Habibti. Not with anyone, and especially not with my cousin!” Damian growled at the silent cafeteria. They didn’t dare to respond vocally, but some lowered their heads in shame. While the relation between Bruce Wayne and Mayor Kane was not that well-known, they didn’t hide the connection. “The first cousin once removed to be precise.”

“Point is, the article is full of fake news and we’ll be dealing with it later. Still, I appreciate your effort.” She smiled at those who weren’t angry. Then, her face turned to the cold mask and she channeled Damian. “Now onto those who mocked us or tried to use it to break me and Damian apart. It won’t work. Stop. Don’t. I can’t see any situation where we would break up, and even then, there is no chance either of us would lower ourselves to dating any of you. I trust Damian with my life. I’m his and he’s mine!” She declared. 

“I’m hers and she’s mine.” Damian echoed. They raised their joint hands before turning to one another and sharing a quick kiss. Many people cooed at the romanticism of the scene. 

Erica and Lila were on the verge of a stroke. This was harder than either anticipated and they were, in fact, slowly losing more than they gained. 

A black butterfly entered through the window behind Marinette. As soon as she saw it, she acted without thinking and grabbed it. Everyone looked at her in panic. They saw the muscles in her forearm tighten and after a short moment a bit of some dark substance leaked through her fingers. When she opened her hand, the butterfly was turned into a gooey mess.

“Not today, Hawkass Junior.” She seethed. Then, she left to clean her hand with Allegra and Chloé following her. She rarely was left entirely alone, especially at school. As they walked, people gave her a loud applause. 

--------

“Why did it not work!?” Adrien raged in his hideout. Next to him, Nooroo was floating with his head bowed. 

“She… she touched it only with her skin. There was nothing to akumatize… master.” The little creature added, forced by the magic of the brooch. 

“But why didn’t the akuma pass through her fingers!?” The hero-turned-villain seethed.

“She… She damaged it before it could…”

“I paid a handsome sum of money to have that article published! It was supposed to either break them up or give me my own Scarlet Moth!” Adrien stomped around his hideout. “Now it’s all for naught! I want their Miraculouses! I want my family back!”

Another figure walked from behind him and pulled him into a hug. In the darkness, the only visible details were her silhouette and a predatory smile on her face. 

“Don’t worry. We will get what we want soon enough.”

“Did you decipher it?”

“Almost. There are several symbols on it that I have no idea what they mean.”

“Hm… I think I might have an akuma just for the occasion. It will require some setting-up though.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll deal with it. Meanwhile…” She said, her grin widening

“No. Get out of here, Witch.” He snapped.

“Spoilsport.” She muttered and walked away. Adrien felt anger bubbling inside him. Someone was so getting akumatized that day.

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Masterlist // Next

[emerald-amidst-gold]

17, 21, and 24 for the OTP ask? 😁

Well, hello, friend! I shall answer for that is DUTY! >:D

17. What senses (sights, smells, feelings, etc). remind them of each other?

I did answer this one in another ask, but I can think of a few more to share! (I got so much for these two, don't worry~)

So, another thing that reminds Fane of Solas is any kind of painting, namely frescos. Surprise, surprise! But the reasoning is mainly because Fane used to dream of frescos painted in a temple, one he always finds himself traversing in his dreams in the earlier years of his life. The style was nostalgic, impeccable, as if the hand that had held the brush was fixated on getting every line, every detail, every color, and every proportion just right. The paintings were like little anecdotes, way points trying to guide him in a direction with paint and plaster, but the story was always left unfinished, and it isn't until all the memories flood back that Fane realizes who was the artist of his dreams. *winks*

Now, I'm not usually one for 'smell' references, but oddly enough, Solas is reminded of Fane through one. Namely, chamomile. This was something I thought of one day when I was fighting with a headache and I was just watching a Twitch stream, and I was like, "Chamomile is a natural stress reliever. Fane doesn't like tea, but there are bath oils and incenses infused with chamomile, right? He would definitely be given that by someone or maybe even takes initiative to get it himself." Thus, the headcanon was established! Fane smells like chamomile, and Solas can't help but smile when he smells it from another source, knowing that his dragon is trying to help himself in some way.

21. How have they changed each other for the better/for the worse?

So, there's a little bit of A and little bit of B for this question. There has indelibly been a positive influence on both Fane and Solas due to each other. Basically, it all stems from pre-Inquisition, aka Elvhenan/Arlathan.

Fane, as a dragon, was inherently tasked with observing elvenkind, watching the flow of which they progressed and if their machinations benefited the world in which they lived. Each dragon had this inherent task, albeit in different ways. Dragons that lived in arid regions were tasked with controlling the sandscape, preserving the ancient temples by covering them with said sand, making inaccessible areas accessible for wildlife, so on, so forth.

Fane, and the others of his specific kin, not only watched the Elvhen, they guided them, but only if it was deemed necessary. White dragons could not want for anything beyond what the world needed, and their powers of absorbing, reflecting, and understanding emotions was what made them highly sought after by the Evanuris. When the Evanuris began enslaving elves, they began enslaving dragons, too. And this is around the time Solas and Fane met; when Fane was the last of his white kin. Fane had gone into recluse, hiding; he turned his back on those who were suffering because he couldn't bear to see them be subjected to magic bending and breaking their minds, turning their eyes grey where they were otherwise a multitude of colors. Solas found him through a curious venture as we all know the dear wolf is prone to curiosity.

Their beginnings were rough. Fane tried multiple, multiple times to kill Solas. He saw him as no different than those who had thus far enslaved his kin. He held anger, rage, resentment, and pride, which warped his nature of calm observation and cool acceptance to preemptive prejudice and scornful indifference. Fane stopped caring; about everything. Solas reached out to him, wanted to help him, and for the sake of keeping things somewhat short, they grew close after constant revisits and...silence. Solas allowed Fane to watch him, learn about him, read his eyes, and in turn, Fane began to open up, rediscover his original nature, and learn about another side from a more personal view. Solas taught Fane that nothing can change or return to what they had been unless he tried, and he did, even though it ended poorly. And even though it takes him twenty-four years and a lot of hardship, Fane finally remembers that important lesson and he's forever grateful, even as they walk onto the same stage that burned before.

Now, Fane has helped Solas do something we all know the dear wolf is a bit hesitant to do, and that's show his emotions. I stated once upon a time that my interpretation of Solas a little more...personal. Basically, I'm exploring a side of Solas that we don't really get to see, and that's an emotional one. My stories encompass a lot of emotion, a lot of grey morality, so I try to do that while keeping Solas in character with how we know him. However, with this AU of mine, Solas is more in touch with his emotions when with Fane. Why? Because Fane did what he was tasked with from birth; he guided. Through silent looks and seemingly disgruntled huffs, Fane allowed Solas to open up, to feel safe when every corner held a knife.

He let him be him. Not the Dread Wolf. Not the Rebel God. Not anything more than what he was naturally, and that was a being who needed to let their emotions go as freely as the magic so intertwined with their nature. They were friends, companions, even though they were two completely different species, and for all intents and purposes, enemies. They loved each other, but couldn't say it. After Fane died, Solas locked up again, kept his emotions sealed away, but when Fane reappeared in his life, both unknowing of who the other was, it all came back so easily, so fluidly. And what you'll see in a lot of my stories of Solas and Fane's early acquaintanceship in Inquisition is that they flow, they let the other be weak even though they don't want to be weak.

As for how they change each other for the worse...well, that ties into a lot of what I have planned during Post-Trespasser arcs. My stories are 'fix-its', but again, grey morality. There's a happy ending, but not without opposition first and a lot of hard lessons. Solas and Fane will do shit that makes people go, "Why?!", but aren't we already saying that with what Solas canon-wise is doing? Why not add an Inquisitor into the mix and live the fantasy we weren't allowed to choose?

24. What is something they have each had to forgive the other for?

Okay, so Fane's isn't what you'd think it is. You all know me, I like to go, 'You thought not! AHA! >:D'. Most people who've read my stories might think, "Oh, Fane has to forgive Solas for erecting the Veil because it's driving his kin insane." That makes sense, but it's not what Fane has had to forgive Solas for. Fane has had to forgive Solas for doubting him.

What I mean by this is that Solas tries to steer Fane away from helping him (Look! It's canon after all! XD). And mainly it's because Solas sees Fane thriving in this new life, connecting with people, seeing the world from a different perspective, and so he starts to think that Fane wouldn't want to help him. Which is complete bullshit because Fane, even when Solas tries to gently steer him away, is like, "I'm here. I'm not going to abandon you again." But typical Solas is typical Solas and is weighed down with grief and his doubts, but eventually he relents after a dragon fight. I won't say when this will occur, but...yeah. It's a bad time, and it shows Solas that Fane wasn't thriving as well as he'd thought. It takes a bit, but Fane comes to understand why Solas was trying to guide him away, and it helps when you're a stubborn dragon in love with a stubborn wolf! :D

Now for Solas, I have a little excerpt from a short story (the one I've been sharing a lot in tag games!). It kind of gives a basis of what Fane can sometimes do when he's not thinking or if he doesn't talk to Solas.

***

“F..Fane..!”, Solas growled out, a surge of heat invading his head as he felt his dragon’s dormant fury within his soul. It was thrashing, knocking, pounding against the confines of their link, wishing to be set free through him and his actions.

“This is..ugh..important, dammit!”, Fane grunted out as Solas was finally starting to push back, as well as his own minor discomfort with the magic that was slowly building around them.

“Then..ngh..speak of it!”, Solas snapped, feeling something like a pinch against his mind before that sensation ricoheted outwards, a lesser burst of magic managing to separate their bodies, but not their tethered souls. “Hiding in your mind only inflicts more harm!”, he almost yelled, his mind clouding with unusual rage. He was never ruffled this easily, but this wasn’t him, was it?

No, this was Fane, or more accurately, Fane’s mind. And it was red hot with fury.

He watched with slightly haggard breathing as Fane slid back a few feet, a grimace on his face from the smell of ozone, but shook it off easily. Now fully golden eyes glared with steamy ferocity upon him, a broad chest heaving with Veil born ire and excitement at finally having a challenge. Solas straightened himself a bit, clearing his throat as the distance between their bodies allowed him to think a bit more clearly, but he could still feel the thread that connected them intensely.

“Ma’isenatha, please--”, Solas attempted to reach the unhinged being before him, even as he could feel his own mind beginning to cloud again as Fane stalked towards him. They needed to cease this dance before one of them got hurt or insanely ill!

“Quit…”, the fuming dragon began before whipping the staff in his hand around in a near perfect arc towards him. “..talking!”, he snarled furiously, deftly hitting the other end of the staff with his wrist to cut off its intended path for a shorter route.

Solas was a bit curious by the adept usage, but shuffled that thought away quickly to block the blow that was inevitably aimed for his jaw. Now wasn’t the time to ruminate! As much as he loathed to admit it, and encourage it, there was only one way out of this foolish scenario!

“Enough!”, a cry harboring necessary command releasing from his lips, making the link between them snap like a bowstring. “Ngh..!” The heady, harsh sensation had the air leaving his lungs before he swept one end of his staff upwards without volition, missing his mark by a hair. He blinked when the sensation eased off, grimacing as he stared at the staff poised just next to Fane’s face, precisely at the point where his scar was. How ironic, but he knew what was happening now with that.

The involuntary reaction had been too planned, too memory bound. It was like when they had viciously fought as Haven burned with fire and corruption, and he had had no choice but to wound the otherwise perfect face before him - a deep scar left on his left cheek from his staff blade. His arms had been wrapped, then strung up in invisible bonds that radiated desperate heat and furious rage, guiding them to repeat the action due to a desire for something unsaid.

In simple terms, he was being controlled by emotions alone - emotions that were not his own.

“Interesting.”, Solas said, but narrowed his eyes upon the fierce man. “Emotions are your strings.”, he pointed out, more realization dawning on him as to where all these minor outbursts, sudden movements, and disorienting sensations were coming from. Fane..

...was manipulating emotions, guiding them to the destination he desired.

Fane’s eyes narrowed, emerald reappearing to deepen with rage as tufts of his hair fluttered from the air behind his swipe. “I’m intervening.”, the draconic side of his love coming out in full bloom now.

“Why?” He issued it as more a command than a true question. He was mildly miffed by this usage of abilities, but he needed context to decipher why Fane had thought this was necessary. It was unusual and worrying for him to use them like this.

“It’s necessary.”, Fane said with a flat tone, but there was fire crackling beneath its supposed embers, as well as the deep emerald gaze bearing down upon him before he twisted his staff upwards to once again aim under his chin. Solas dodged the movement by an inch, feeling the amount of force behind it with air alone.

His dragon was steadily losing his control, and it wouldn’t be long until he was truly unhinged.

“Fane!”, Solas met the glare with one that felt just as furious as he called out, but finally began to retaliate, no longer wishing to play on the defensive and draw this out longer. “Very well..”, he said lowly, gripping the staff tightly as he pressed in harder, matching Fane’s footwork step for step as their blows connected with near splintering cracks. “...if you are so..”, a harsh crack of their staves reverberating through the air. “...intent on not speaking of what troubles you, then I will make it so you have no choice but to!”

A long, muscled leg nearly knocked into one of his knees as it swept under him, its pace incredibly fast for something intended to withstand punishment. It was like a dragon’s tail as it swept aside massive boulders, and uprooted century old trees.

Fane let out a gasping laugh. “You’re still..ngh..t..talking?!”, he roared, snowy brows furrowed in growing pain as sweat began to form along a lightly flushed temple, hand trembling where it nearly snapped his staff in half.

“I am doing what you refuse to do!” A jab with his staff nearly connected with a muscled arm, but it went through the gap between itself and the toned body it was attached to. “Gh..!”, he winced as he felt a sharp yank on his mind, as well as the staff in his hands as Fane grabbed a hold of it to pull him forward harshly.

The world halted suddenly, its furious, heated pace slightly cooled as their gazes connected, all sound flushing out to where the only sound was their combined, harsh breathing. Emerald and gold swam, ebbed around each other like a phylactery did with its magical blood as the face that bore them was lax in stunned silence, sweat trickling down flush cheeks before it would disappear along a strong neck. Solas felt his face was no better, feeling how droplets of sweat rolled down the sides of his face and how his mouth was slightly agape as he fought for a shred of breath.

What was...going on? This feeling, like their desires were coalescing, taking shape before them like spirits shaped the Fade around them...it was intoxicating, comforting, and serene amid the furious battle they had been engaged in moments before. Their link was still there, but it was soft, velvet against his mind as the gentle essence wrapped around it in an embrace.

It was no longer painted...red.

“Hnn..”, Solas let out a quiet sigh, breath hitching after as the blanket around him became warmer, silken. When had it shifted? He hadn’t been aware because of rage painting the world before him in crimson..

“Too...much..”, he heard Fane whisper out between pants, but it was more to himself than to Solas. “...You shouldn’t feel that like I do.. Shit..”

Solas blinked a bit to reorient himself, the softness of his mind making it hard to think before he saw Fane’s face near inches from his, the hand that had grabbed his staff now making itself known upon the back of his neck, steadying him. When had that gotten there?

“What..”, Solas started, closing his eyes for a moment as the world spun for a second before reopening to try again. “What..was that?”

“My mind.”, Fane muttered, eyes flitting across his face worriedly. “I didn’t think..”, he trailed off with a light growl as brilliant eyes turned downcast. “I fucked up… I’m sorry...”

***

So, yeah. It doesn't take Solas long to forgive Fane, but when he first demonstrates just how dangerous his abilities can be and actively uses them to manipulate our wolf gets a little miffed. Solas wants Fane to use his voice more, and these are moments in which Fane doesn't and taps into that warped perception of himself; the one that got him killed.

[whetstonefires]

Do you think the DC fandom maybe, Infantilizes Tim a little too much? Like for a rich kid character who's main trauma for a long time was a getting left home alone too much there's an oddly amount of meta abt how much how much his parents hurt him~ compared to, y'know the two poor characters who grew up with physically abusive dad's+druggie mom's, or the two that were raised assassin cult's, etc

…well, yeah, I do kind of think that? His whole schtick for so long was being too old for his age in ways that didn’t sacrifice his jokey, relatable teenager energies. It’s weird how little of that we see anymore, sometimes.

And then DC broke him and discarded him and he’s sort of awkwardly hanging around getting reimagined as more woobie with every fan generation. It is weird!

But tbh I do get it. And I think the reason his parents’ failure of him and his vulnerability get played up so much, and Jason and Steph’s sufferings (while used a lot for things like motivation and context) not dwelt on quite so much in the same lugubrious style, are kind of the same reason.

Which is that canon didn’t commit to it. Jason and Steph’s experiences with bad parenting were foregrounded and retconned more dramatically awful several times. (There’s some definite classism in how that was approached imo, and I’m never budging on being mad about DC retconning out Catherine being sick and then ignoring her forever in all Jason characterization because a drug death invalidates a person ig, great message during the opioid crisis guys.)

They engaged and coped with it–Steph (and Cass, our #1 canon batfam parental abuse victim) pretty directly, Jason a little less so because of the dubious and fluctuating canon status of most of the content more specific than ‘poverty, homelessness, theft, parental drugs and crime in there somewhere,’ so most of his parent issues have been focused on Bruce. He sure has dug into them tho. 😂 Rarely well or productively, thanks DC, but it’s explicitly part of his character, is my point.

Whereas upper-middle-class Tim was always treated by the narrative as fortunate and unharmed by his experiences with his parents. Even though they were clearly behaving badly in several ways, and Tim showed signs of being harmed by it.

Tim outside of immediate moments of frustration always was of the opinion he was Fine, and Very Fortunate Actually.

Therefore a huge chunk of the numerous everyone who’s got parent-related mental and emotional harm, but has struggled to have that validated and hasn’t responded with a lot of anger toward the parent, identifies with Tim. The only one who’s never really lashed out at his parents for fucking up with him. The one who still needs it explored, because canon ultimately didn’t.

[editing post to put in a readmore because lol it’s long, post otherwise unchanged]

(Dick obviously didn’t ever have any Issues with the Graysons, but he Angry Teenagered at Bruce so hard it changed Bruce’s characterization permanently, rip.)

The things Jason, Steph, and Cass have been through are dramatic, obvious, and fit stereotypes because that’s what they’re based on.

That’s important content to have, but because it’s right out there in your face even people who identify with it quite a lot are less likely to feel the need to work all the way through it again in fanworks. That part’s there. It’s text.

(Well actually Jason having been physically abused kind of wasn’t? I think? It was mostly assumed on the basis of stereotyping and Jason’s not caring about the man much even as he felt possessive of information about his death, which is valid. I don’t actually know what’s up with Willis now, Lobdell did some weird shit that lacked emotional resonance or staying power because he’s Lobdell and has no soul.

Cass’ wandering years are also ludicrously underdeveloped. But very very few comics fans or writers can personally relate to being amazing child warriors with no grasp of language living feral under bridges. That part of her life is consistently represented in terms of absences, in terms of its deviation from the norm and the deficits of normality it left her with, which is typical but unfortunate.) 

-

The interesting things to do with these characters are often informed by the bad stuff in their childhoods, but there’s relatively rarely that much more to say about the fact that those things were bad. They know they’re bad. They’ve had a lot of on-panel rage about it, as discussed above. Steph and Cass both beat the shit out of their dads.

Jason is, in fandom especially, a sort of Platonic ideal of a kid who’s mad about his bad childhood and really bad at figuring out where to point that rage.

(Damian is a whole other kettle of fish, because he’s been lumbered by so many detailed retcons coming so fast no two people can seem to construct compatible models of what his early childhood was like, and even more because he’s still ‘a child’ enough that he’s necessarily in a different stage of processing than someone who’s officially only a few years older than him at this point, but still functionally 8 and also 20 years older, and whose parents are no longer in the picture to continue screwing up.

Also there’s no question that if he brings up an abusive thing the League did, he will be validated by his current environment about his realization that it was in fact bad. There’s a lot of fic on that theme! But it doesn’t have the same tone precisely because it is usually understood that that support will be there if he wants it. Realizing that his previous context contained things that were wrong keeps being made the focus of his arc.)

The badness of Tim’s childhood, on the other hand, was mainly in subtext. Even when we were clearly meant to understand Jack was fucking up, like when he canceled plans with Tim at the last minute to go on a date with Tim’s stepmother, or that infamous time he came to apologize for not being a great parent and got mad Tim was distracted by a crisis on TV so he flew into a rage and took the TV and smashed it and was like ‘that’ll teach you,’ it wasn’t leaned into.

The story didn’t treat Jack as a minor villain to be overcome but like a sort of environmental hazard of childhood, like homework, to be endured and coped with. Tim said things like ‘it’s fine’ and ‘at least he left the computer.’

(And like. It’s not about having a TV and computer in his room. It’s about not letting a child have boundaries, pointedly not respecting a child’s possessions, creating an emotionally insecure environment, punishing minor infractions in proportion to their momentary impact on your own ego, physically lashing out at a proxy for the child…)

Rather like Tom King later didn’t understand about the punching from Bruce, whoever did that story (probably Dixon? I don’t care enough to check) did not understand how serious a case of bad parenting that scene was. That is most definitely textbook abusive behavior. (It’s a hell of a lot more common abusive behavior than being a lame supervillain or shooting you when you screw up, and a lot more specific than ‘was a thug, might have hit me, dead now.’)

And Tim was never allowed to be mad at his parents about it. It was fine. He needed to be ignored so he had the freedom to be Robin. He deserved his dad being mad at him because he was keeping secrets. He complained too much, although objectively he did not.

The universe punished him for ‘complaining,’ more than once. We cut straight from him shunting aside his disappointment that his postcard from his parents was just to say they weren’t coming home yet after all with ‘if it will stop all the fights they’ve been having lately it’s more than fine’ to them getting kidnapped.

He agreed not to come on the rescue mission. His mom never made it home, and his dad was in a coma for a while. And then ultimately Jack died as a result of Tim’s decision to be Robin, immediately after finally deciding to accept it.

So Tim walks around feeling a huge burden of responsibility for his parents’ deaths, and completely unable to process any hurt they did him as real or valid, especially in comparison with the far more blatant awfulness other people have been through, and canon is clearly never going to address it. Or even acknowledge it properly.

Let me repeat that because it’s kind of my main point:

People are fixated on getting Tim’s emotional abuse validated because that’s an incredibly important step in recovering from emotional abuse, and it’s one canon consistently denied him.

How ‘bad’ things are ‘in comparison to’ problems other people have is a bad and unhealthy way to engage with trauma. Okay? That’s just a really harmful framework to apply to pain.

It’s also a way that both Tim and people with experiences similar to Tim’s are encouraged to engage with their own experiences, compounding the existing problems.

So. Not a form of relatable DC was ever actually aiming for when they tried so hard (and pretty effectively) to make him a relatable character as Robin, but an enduring one for a lot of fans.

-

So Tim’s childhood is a natural target for fanworks in a different way than the traumas that have been made explicit and taken seriously by the text. And then a lot of that got compounded by the way the introduction of Damian as Robin was handled, and the lack of resolution that got. And his current status as not quite having a place in the family anymore.

So between the level of projection encouraged by that context and how relatively difficult to access Tim’s Robin run has become ten years after the fact, this has led to a lot of fanworks on these themes that are based mostly on other fanworks, and stray further and further from the original content.

So at this point there’s an entire wing of Tim’s fandom wherein this side of him has expanded enormously, and he primarily exists to suffer, frequently in ways that 1) escalate to a point that is inarguably ‘valid’ and hard to dismiss and 2) set him up to rebound from it in whatever way the writer finds emotionally satisfying or useful–being ultimately cared for and reassured by people who value him (the most infantilizing option but like, popular for obvious reasons), or unveiling his brilliant scheme that was causing him to pretend to be passive in the face of mistreatment, or turning around and using his genius ninja skills to wrest power back from his abusers, or just laying down some sick burns about being treated fairly.

But not that many of the last one, because that’s mostly done with other batfam members.

Tim’s become a vehicle for a lot of vicarious coping that Steph and Jason just aren’t appropriate for, because they get angry and they get even. And those are stories that exist already, so there’s less scope for telling your own.

And because Jason’s reaction pattern is ultimately so masculine (i’ll make them all sorry! with my guns! blam blam!) while Tim’s is pretty gender-neutral, the demographics of fanfic mean that the bulk of the people using Tim vicariously in this manner are female-aligned, which has over time feminized this archetype of him a lot. Sometimes in ways I find really uncomfortable, like there’s a lot of forced pregnancy stuff which activates my panic buttons. x.x

But, ultimately, it’s fandom. People are going to do what they’re going to do, DC in their perpetual fail has hung Tim out to dry in narrative terms, and I’d rather the people who are using Tim for victimization narratives over the people who can’t dismiss or discredit him fast enough now that his position has been filled. 🤷‍♀️ What we gonna do? Fave’s in an awkward spot. DC hates us. This is the life in this comic book pit. XD

-

Also if you’re the same anon who left me a callout about op of that weird Steph post in my inbox, or if you aren’t @ that person, 1) I refuse to get involved so I’m not answering that ask 2) those aren’t even particularly dramatic fandom crimes? That’s pretty normal? That’s just…Caring Too Much About Ships And Disagreeing With Me.

Do I also feel those opinions are kinda bad? Yeah. But I disagree with everyone about something. Chill.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE02, Ep24

This is a buildup ep for the finale. looks like furuba’s tradition for awkward buildup eps continues as this ep is clearly divided into two parts: machi & zodiac banquet.

-Killing the Vibe (furuba style):

Usually when writers buildup an emotional moment, they either go with it right away or if it is not its time, they slowly dissolve it or gradually redirect the story somewhere else. But the most important thing is that you hold on to the feeling they worked so hard to build but know that it will be dealt with later. Usually this is done with minor visuals such as quick flashback to the main event & the character taking deep breath ignoring it. But it is acknowledged that now it is not the time. Furuba doesn’t do that. If they build high moment & decide it is not the time to continue with it, they drop it abruptly, using the ending ost as a closing sign....which is odd cuz this is not episodic eps but continuing plot. They did it twice now: (a) tohru’s nightmare ep 19. it was treated as cliffhanger, but the next, we opened with yuki’s narrative where we see tohru normal. I know tohru’s issues will be dealt with later, perhaps season 3. But the nightmare moment was left hanging weirdly!! we never saw tohru deciding not to focus on it or anything! then (b) the kyo/tohru moment on stage & the symbolic tearing image ep23. Big moment which I  know will be focused on later. But it is so freakin odd that we see them so normal in their daily activities..as if nothing happened. Not a slight visual hint that either one is troubled... I praised how in ep, 23, they showed tohru face worrying abt bits & pieces here & there. These visual hints connects the plot.. For a moment I thought Cinderella play is a filler!! but I don’t think so, since 3 major things happened (Tohru’s near confession, machi’s opinion of yuki, arisa’s recorded outburst) two of which dealt with this ep. I know they want the focus to be on yuki, seeing that his plotline is moving smoothly without awkward breaks, but why not smooth out the other’s plotline with minor visuals without the jarring jumps. Ending ost is not automatic shifts in continued plot. Oh well, it is a minor thing I felt, no big deal.

-Machi pov is here!:

I never expected to see machi today! nice surprise! So machi is not only lonely, she lives alone! that’s odd & tragic! how can a junior high school student live alone? since when was she living alone? & her mom calling to check on her or insult her or scold her! I never wanted a phone call to end this fast. Machi’s monologue was amazingly done. Rather than describing her feelings to us or stating what we are already seeing, the words came cold.. automatic.. slow.. without much emotions. Exactly imitating how machi feels abt herself. DULL. She never thought abt things such as fave color or fave place. never thought abt anything that requires personality or preferences. The imagery they used while she was walking in the street is epic! It explained her mentality! honestly even if she said nothing around that time while she was walking, the image would’ve done enough! Machi was able to see the change in yuki cuz she was able to sense that yuki too was dull/boring or felt he felt so. Now he laughs, jokes, interacts, & joins outside school activities. Negating the dull persona. Now, it is only her. machi questions if she can do the same but her question comes out loaded with her negativity. Instead of can I do the same? it is “ why Am i here? Her bad habits are pulling her back & resisting the change.

- Since they’re deciding to embark into the romantic aspect of mach/yuki & to further add contrast to his interaction with tohru, machi is shown so struck by yuki’s presence, she falls. Typical romantic moment that I appreciate for machi who thinks she isn’t typical girl. but dull girl. Yuki finding the leaf & being happy that she treasures it adds to his self-esteem as it tells him that he is worthy to be treasured. I love machi’s indecisive responses! It gives her personality! as she is reluctant between denying or telling the truth. She was never in such situation, so she doesn’t know what to do!! blushing red like her leaf, machi didn’t only go with friends, she also learned her fave color! yuki, developing the future boyfriend detective sense like kyo, guessed it that machi likes red. You remember things abt ppl you find interesting! Machi felt that perhaps to yuki she is not dull, but interesting enough to want to learn things abt her!

-Tohru is a grown woman!!!

trust me to take 5sec interaction that involves my girl & write a deep analytic paragraph! Call it building sandcastles out of nothing but I don’t care! XD. tohru deserves some spotlight! I’m a bit disappointed that the scene is shown form a far to include yuki & shiggure..(WHY???. They can have their moment later! let my girl have a screenshot for a change!!) & the art quality is the lowest in the ep, lol & but whatever~~~ let’s focus on the positive side! my tohru bought sth for herself!! tohru who spent her hard earned money on buying candy ingredients for the filthy rich sohma’s instead of paying her tuition fees?!! tohru who wore a worn out swimsuit for school & didn’t see the value in buying new one ?! tohru whose school bag have seen better days as hiro said?!! tohru bough herself a scarf with pompom!!& she’s PROUD!! & she goes & shows kyo!!!! cuz she loves him & cuz in SE01 he was mad she doesn't buy herself stuff & cuz she knows he’ll be proud of her & cuz she want show off her cuteness & get his attention & cuz she wanna tease him!! Did you see my girl deliberately hit him with the pompom??? my girl is feisty!! She teases!! Tohru has this feisty, forward personality that she hides but peeks in certain instances!! Like when she teased kyo that he’s still scared of the stain on the wall..like when she calls him cute later this ep!! I’m so happy for every tiny teeny moment of tohru where she is herself & not the worrying mom or friend, when she is focused abt what she shows & what she wants & right now she wants kyo to notice her! GIRL HE ALREADY DOES! you are killing him already tohru..he’d be dead by now if he wasn’t a cat with 9 souls! XD.

-Yuki is leaving Akito’s side:

coming to the big moment in this ep. Akito is loosing yuki. Not only yuki decided by himself to attend the banquet that he avoided last year, he also talked to akito & forgave him for everything before. Yuki is letting go of the past. Forgiveness is a cure ppl! it’s the hardest achieved cure. it cuts the ties to negativity & free the person from the painful feelings. Akito knows she’ll be loosing a zodiac member soon! she reacts the same way she did with hatori! violently resisting change, violently making a statement that I’m the ruler of you. However, unlike when it was hatori, no one came to her. Kureno stopped her. but the rest went to yuki, to the rebel, to the one who caused her pain & rage. Akito is not only loosing yuki...she is slowly loosing all of them.

- Yuki continues the next step in his growth & frees hatori from his sins. By allowing himself to accept that he is not a helpless victim, yuki was able to see the others plain as well. Before, in his mind, he was the only one suffering, others are cruel, but now, he sees the criminal who erased his friends memories was also suffering all along. Perhaps yuki thinks that akito is suffering too? That’s why chose to forgive her & tell her that I don’t hate you anymore or hold grudge.

Side Notes:

I’m so glad kakeru had so little to do with machi & yuki interaction here. He is a character that demands spotlight & if his role was bigger, machi would disappear, it will be another yuki/kakeru moment. Also, since machi/kakeru parallel aya/yuki, you bet kakeru will be more involved between them in order to get closer to his sister & fix the gap like aya did, so I appreciate the moment of only yuki/machi now as it is unique moment without any parallels involved.

After learning of Shigure’s correct line, I can now see how things would’ve been better for akito, if she learned from yuki’s rebellion. loosing one is less painful than loosing them all, which she will. Shigure was eager for her to be spared the pain. or he might be eager for sth else entirely! but he wants this to end.

Shigure sure wasn’t himself this ep! he was restless & his jokes were all over the place, he nearly caused a misunderstanding between hatori & Mayko. I think shigure is hearing the curse breaking!!!!!

Rin & kyo!!!! I never knew I needed this!!! like last ep, I was celebrating hana & kyo, & the return of kyo & haru!! but rin & kyo is unique duo since it is not a teasing dynamics! it is a we-are-too-similar dynamics! XD

Kazuma is luv!! ugh!! my heart! what a man!! so caring & kind & ever so gentle! look at him going to rin to invite her! no kid should be alone in new years! look at him teasing his son!! look at him out polite tohru! just look at him!!!

I appreciate that the boys (kyo,yuki.haru,momiji) have different body types from each other. however, since kyo’s body changing is mentioned in the story many times, they focused on showing him growing since the 2nd ep of season 2 & more so in the beach arc & they steadily continued ever since!!! this ep, even with the low quality they showed his Adam’s apple & he is taller next to shishio. Also his baggy clothes help defy the lanky art style. With yuki, since his beauty is mentioned in the story, they’ve been focused on his face, giving him HD quality beauty all the time, but not much when it comes to his body. but today, he looked a lil bit older in machi’s scene? I duno if it is the new clothes or they’re finally allowing his body to grow?! I hope so. They are still making him so lanky as his legs were only a bit meatier than machi’s in the fight scene, but hey lankiness is the show’s art style, just look at hatori </3. They focused on making Momiji baby as it is mentioned in the story that he doesn’t look like a highschooler at all, but I swear he looks a bit older this ep!! right???

Speaking of hatori, hello there~ doc~ I never knew I needed hatori in Japanese clothes this much! It hid the lankiness & gave him the adult manly look he deserves!! so hot!!! I heard his grunt in my heart as he took his clothes off! XD. Soyou’re attached to the school sensie now~~ a lit bit worried your filthy buddy is putting hands on her..huh? oh!, if only you knew that your goofy pal is the master mind behind your new love story! I think he knows tho~

I never expected machi to be that cute!!! machi/yuki is so cute!

Rin sleeps sitting...like a horse? rin didn’t feel haru? i thought horses are as jumpy as cats! lol

Tohru & kyo are having quality flirting time with no interference from either shigure or yuki. lol.. shishio is amazing! XD

Kureno has the DVD now..let the war begins!!!

[calliecat93]

It’s been a long year everyone, but at last we have arrived. RWBY Volume Eight. This is the fourth volume I’ll be doing text reviews of, which feels crazy. I’ve been watching this show more or less form the start, and I can safely say that this is the most scared I’ve ever been. Not because of the quality, I have high hopes for that. But we know how the last volume ended. We knew that it was going to carry over into this one. And it was even MORE tense than we expected. It’s gonna be one heck of a Chapter 1 review, I can say that.

Before that, we have a new opening! Sadly, to my knowledge, the song title hasn’t been announced yet. But other than that... oh man. There is a LOT to unpack here. SO much to analyze. So much to speculate. Once more Jeff and Casey gave us a banger, and Casey was NOT kidding when she said it was dark. But before we proceed any further, let’s get the disclaimer out of the way

(Warning: This post WILL contain spoilers for RWBY V8 Chapter 1. If you have yet to see the episode and do NOT wish to be spoiled, PLEASE scroll past this post. You have been warned.)

We begin seeing Mantle int he state we’re used to, but it glitches. The blues and whites shift into reds, fires and chaos are widespread, and the Grimm are wreaking havoc. This is going to be what Mantle looks like the moment that Salem strikes the city. The one watching this all unfold? Ruby. She failed to stop Ironwood and the division between our heroes, Atlas, and Mantle is greater than before. The poor girl can only watch in horror as Mantle burns, Atlas continuing to hover above... for now at least.

The theme oft the volume, contrast to last volume’s themes of trust and fear, is mistrust and division. The first chapter demonstrated this, but I’ll save that for then. But here? We have the logo causing a divide between Ruby herself, and all of her allies. I could be reading into this too much, but I do have to wonder... si something going to happen that causes Ruby to strike out on her own? Do things go badly and she’s the only one who doesn’t quit? Does the pressure get to her and she does something that causes everyone, ever her own teammates and sister, to turn their backs on her? It’s hard to say, but I don’t think that Ruby is coming out of this 100% the same.

Ah, isn’t this nostalgic? Our girls really have come far. Ruby went from a naive, innocent girl with an overly idealistic dream to a true Huntress who wants to make lives better after witnessing how bad it can really be. Weiss when from a spoiled rich girl suffering form neglect and a controlling father, to a defiant young woman determined to reclaim her family name her way. Blake has gone from a frightened girl to a woman broke free of her abuser’s control and is fighting for both equality and for her loved ones. Yang was a confident, yet reckless girl with abandonment issues and while she went through great loss, she came back even stronger and shining even brighter.

The girls have changed. They have grown. They’ve lost their innocence along the way, but they survived and kept moving forward. But while they could, another failed to do the same...

The general has completed his descent into villainy. He is now a cold, heartless tin soldier who is willing to take any step he deems necessary to protect Atlas. Even if it means cold-blooded murder. Even here, there is nothing but coldness in his eyes and as the shadows engulf him, we see the image of Atlas fall into ruin. We also see Clover’s badge, and the images of his remaining teammates and Qrow. Marrow in particular just looks uncertain about everything, a major contrast to how upbeat he was last volume. Harriet... just looks like she has been consumed by hate and rage. And if I had to guess, it’s going to be aimed at Qrow. She may claim to not be friends with her teammates, but losing Clover is going to have some very, VERY bad affects on her and the others. Especially under Ironwood’s influence.

We see Qrow downcast before Robyn offers him a hand in support. Yeah, think it’s safe to say that these two are gonna launch some kind of prison break. Looking forward to it~! Then we cut to Oscar, clutching his head and looking like he is in pain. He’s surrounded by Grimm and it looks like he’s int he Grimm Whale. We know that Salem is after him, so... yeah, my concern is VERY high. Also we see Salem in a new form and... umm... the apparition of her in V5 has now been topped in... help us world.

Returning to the theme of division, that seems to be central especially for Ren and Nora. Last volume, they were in conflict with Nora unable to get Ren to open up, even after they finally kissed. Here? It seems the drift is only going to grow. Ren glances at Nora, before facing away. Nora had been facing away, but then she glances back at Ren before turning around. She just looks so upset and pained as she stares at the man she loves. Along with Nora willingly splitting from Ren in Chapter 1... it’s gonna be a ROUGH volume for Renora shippers everywhere.

We come to the Schnee Family. Weiss and Winter walk past each other. At first, Winter looks like her usual, composed self. But as she passes her sister, her attire changes to have her new cybernetic features. her composed expression shifts into one of sadness and maybe even guilt. Weiss seems to notice, looking up with wide eyes before the scene shifts. We know that the two will be in conflict now due to their opposing sides, even though neither clearly wants to be. Chances are they’ll meet face-to-face again, and it is NOT going to go well as they must decide whether or nit to fight each other on their respective sides.

Then we see Whitley and Willow. No Jaques, though we know he will be appearing. Willow continues to look tired and depressed, and I can only hope that somehow SOMETHING goes better for her here. But then we have Whitley. Despite his role being minor, Whitley got hit a heavy blow with Jaques arrest curtesy of Weiss. But here he looks like he’s trying to look calculative... but his fear is shining through. The kid is in a bad place and I doubt that he’s broken form his father’s control. Will Weiss help him out of it? or is it too late?

Then we shift to a chess board. We have Salem, her pawns all ready and charging ahead with their attack. Now I knwo nothing about Chess, but clearly the Queen is winning. Ironwood is on the opposite side, all of his chess pieces fading into dust as the board breaks away. He stands alone, completely open to checkmate. The King is about to be overthrown. Ironwood has driven off hsi allies, and the remaining are likely either going to soon follow or fall to Salem’s forces. For all his efforts to save Atlas, all that he is done is secure it’s downfall, as well as his own. Yeah, even if by some miracle he realizes his mistakes, I don’t think that James is coming out of this alive, and it will all be by his own doing.

We see Watts being Watts, typing away. I have to wonder... does he somehow escape form custody? Or does ironwood willingly let him free for his side? The guy is desperate, he’ll do anything to win, even strike up a bargain. Which Watts would absolutely take and use the access for his own means. Maybe even some hacking...

Then we have Pietro, himself hard at work. Behind him is a mirror, and his reflection turns to look at Penny. Compared to the bright smile she had int he last opening, Penny looks scared and dishearted. She is looking at her hands, closing her eyes as though in resignation. We see her reflection glance at her. To just increase my fears of a potential ‘Watts hacking Penny’ theory, here are some images from later in the opening.

The first has Penny up above the heroes. At first I thought it was just her flying up to get into a battle stance. I didn’t realize how she was facing the gang face first. Right in front of Amity, and in between Atlas and Salem. Then from the tail-end, we have this 2D effect showing her eye. It goes from the usual green color, to a bright red, which soon engulfs the rest of the lines. Yeah... I know I panicked about Penny getting hacked last volume... but I am even moreso now! 

A snowflake falls into Ren’s palm before promptly meting. Due to the color fo his glove, it looks like a flower petal. He looks down at it forlorn. Jaune puts a hand on his shoulder and he, Yang, and Oscar are there. Btu the support doesn’t do anything to change Ren’s expression. We then see a flower petal fly by Nora, who tries to catch it. She fails, but Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Penny appear at her side. This perks her up as she gets into a battle stance. Once more, emphasizing the divide between Renora and showing us our current team dynamics. They have separate goals, but they aren’t divided... at least, not right now.

Then we have this shot of Ruby and Yang. I’ve bene predicting for a while that there was going to be a conflict between this two. They have VERY different ways of handling things, and last volume made it clear that while she stood by her, Yang was having doubts about Ruby’s decisions. I’ll go more into that when I review Chapter 1, but I am hoping that this shot shows that no matter what issues they have between them and even if they end up arguing, they WILL work past it. They’re still sisters. They still love each other. They still ultimately have the same goal. No matter what happens, they will be there for each other.

After a really cool battle sequence (I’d post the pics but this si already a MASSIVE post), it freezes. When it does, we see Cinder walk past it. At first, she is displaying the demeanor that we expect from her. Confident, egotistical,a nd wearing that sick smirk on her face. You know the one. She also walks past neo and Emerald. Neo looks exactly what we expect, annoyed. Emerald looks more optimistic though, also expected. I think it’s safe to say that Neo’s gonna turn on Cinder fairly soon, especially after Chapter 1. But will Emerald? We’’ve been hoping, but will this be the moment she finally realizes that Cinder doesn’t care about her and get out? Only time will tell.

But Cinder’s usual smugness stops when she grabs her arm in pain and screams. Her Grimm Arm. As many have noted, the arm has slowly been consuming her body. It went form just up to her elbow, to now engulfing up to her shoulder. Not to mention Winter managed to slice it off, and it grew back in a pretty violent manner. Given what we saw in the start of the episode, it looks like we may FINALLY be getting the Cinder backstory and truly understanding her motives. I think that Cinder will reach a breaking point in this volume. One that is NOT gonna be pretty or do our heroes any good.

We get the usual villain lineup which ends at Salem, We get a close-up of her eyes, and in them are the Relics. No shock that those are what she’s aiming for. Then we see both the Lamp and the Staff, and they both glow and let loose the blue smoke. It brings up a question... we all know that the Gods will be summoned if all four are brought together. But what would happen if two are brought together? If the two are used together, what will it cause? Either way, both of them are gonna be vital in whatever happens.

The image glitches again, going form the  Grimm devastation to Ruby looking out at Atlas. She is with the others, her scythe being use to cause a division line between the two current groups (as seen in the top image). Then, the ice cracks beneath her feet. She and the rest of Team RWBY fall into the depths below. Remember that scene in the V6 opening when Qrow got dragged down by Grimm arms? And how that symbolized his conflict int he season as he endured a downward spiral? Well... it might be Team RWBY’s turn.

The girls fall into the water, sinking into the abyss. But there are light particles surrounding them, and Ruby opens her eyes to see the light above. The source? The Staf fof Creation? She reaches up for it, only for a group to Grimm arms to grab her and keeping her from going upward. The lyric accompanying this is “Sometimes it’s worth it all to risk the fall and fight for every life.” Could this hint to Ruby deciding to use the Staff to stop Salem? If she does, then this will guarantee Atlas’ Fall f she makes even a minor mistake. Is that a risk that she is willing to take? What will happen if she does so? How will her team react? Will this cause a greater divide? Like I said, Ruby ain’t gonna have a good time in this volume...

Then we have the following words appear.

Happy Ever After. The same words we see at the end of every fairy tale. But life isn’t a fairy tale now, is it? The words get crossed out and twisted. Until at the end, we are left with...

Yeah... if you needed more proof that this volume was going to be dark... here you go.

We end with the girls weapons landing at the bottom of the abyss. The last to do so is Crescent Rose, and we cut to it emended in the ice with the moon behind it. It’s a shot that reminds me GREATLY of Ruby’s first ever appearance in the Red Trailer all those years ago. And aas the petals scatter, we have the credit to Monty Oum. Your show has come so far Monty, hope you’re proud right now.

This opening was fantastic! The song sounds like a VERY twisted version of Lets Just Live, being about the heroes realizing the true horrors of their world but there’s no real motivation to keep living this time. Now it’s all about how bad things have gotten, and ends with wondering if sometimes, it’s best to take a risk to save everyone. As far as where I rank this, song-wise it hasn’t topped Let’s Just Live, Rising, and Trust Love, but I think it’s beaten the other four. That can always change though. Animation wise... I’m still trying to decide if it’s topped Opening 7 or not. But it is very, VERY good. The fact that they managed to make it look this good despite the work-at-home environment is commendable.

And... that’s it! I hope you all enjoyed this! The review for Chapter One will be coming soon. But for now, thank you all for reading, and let’s get ready for one Hell of a volume~

[celticcrossanon]

Will Prince Harry Attend Remembrance Day? Draft, WIP

This is speculation only.

Practise spread - we will see how much I get written up.

Celtic Cross Spread

Spread drawn at  approximately 4.15am on the 15th of September GMT

Cards used: The Mythic Tarot (the cards are based on a version of Greco-Roman mythology; the descriptions are more the mixed, popular culture version of mythology than the original myths, so keep that in mind as you read the interpretations below)

All interpretations taken from the book that came with the cards

*

The Celtic Cross had 3 Major Arcanas out of 10 cards, so while this is significant for the BRF and will be played out on the world stage, it is not hugely significant for them (only 1/3 or so of the cards were major arcana). Of the remaining 7 cards, there were 3 Cups, 2 Swords, and 2 Wands. No Pentacles. So this is not about money, it is about family and emotions and being nurturing (Cups), long-term, strategic planning (Swords), and the image that is communicated to those outside the BRF (Wands). Repeated numbers were two Sixes, two Twos, and two Nines. I usually only consider repeated numbers if they repeat three or more times.

*

Bottom of the Deck - Overall Theme - Strength (Card 10)

This card shows Heracles wrestling with the Nemean Lion in a cave.

The lion can represent royalty, even at its most destructive, i.e. Harry. The lion is also the infantile, savage, and completely egocentric beginnings of individuality, i.e. Harry's attempts to 'find himself' as a person and all the damage these attempts have caused to others. The lion here is the Nemean Lion, which possessed a hide that no weapon could pierce, giving it a shield of invincibility, i.e. Harry's position in the Royal family. Here the Nemean Lion stands for a "Me First" drive that will happily destroy anyone and anything in its path, as long as its gratification is assured. One of the manifestations of this "Me First" drive is an furious, explosive, rage-driven tantrum when the person does not get their own way. Another is bombast and an inflated sense of self importance, making the person savage and unrelenting both towards the people on whom they are dependent (i.e. Harry and the BRF) and the people [who they see as] stealing their limelight (also harry and the BRF).

Heracles wresting with the lion shows the struggle we all face to subdue the lion's unbridled individualism and make it serve a higher purpose; the need to subdue our desires and care for others so that together we can form a caring and responsible community instead of being a collection of individuals running rampant and destroying each other in our need for instant gratification. It is considering the long-term consequences of our actions and putting other's needs before our desires. Courage, strength and self discipline are necessary to see the struggle through to a successful conclusion.

In this specific instance, the card shows the BRF (and their long tradition of service to their country) wresting with Harry's unbridled egomania. Do they include him as part of the family (and the BRF is all about family), or do they cut him off and show quite clearly that however loved as a brother, he is no longer a member of the Royal Family. Will they sucumb to his temper tantrums and unjust accusations, or will they hold firm for the good of "the Firm"? What damage will he do if he is allowed to attend? If they place limits on him, will he follow them (hint: No)? These are the questions the BRF is struggling with at the moment, and while the course of action may seem clear to an outsider, for them it is not yet decided.

*

Significator: The Moon (card 18)

This is where the situation is at this moment in time. 

The card shows the goddess Hecate, associated with the Moon, magic and the underworld. Hecate is an ancient goddess, as the BRF is an old regime. She is shown of the card with a cute-looking (not terrifying) Cerberus, who guards the entry to the Underworld, a domain associated with her and full of mystery, wisdom and hidden riches. To me this signifies that Prince Harry thinks that going back to the BRF (here represented by Hecate and the underworld) will be easy, as there is no monster guarding the way, only a cute dog (who will be expected to roll over and obey his commands). Hecate, shown here as an older woman (and usually shown as a very old woman, like the Queen) is looking to the past, the present and the future all at once, as the BRF must do in making this decision. As an impersonal image of the feminine, one of the rulers of the Underworld, she represents the Queen in her role as the ruler of Great Britian and some countries of the Commonwealth, a figure who cannot be the warm and loving grandmother that we know she is with Harry, but who rather must be the impersonal Ruler who puts the good of her country above all else.

In the bottom right hand corner of the card, supporting Cerberus and Hecate, is a crab. The crab is the sign of Cancer, and Cancer is the sun sign of Prince William. Prince William may very well be acting as the 'right hand man' pf the Queen during this decision making process. The unseen presence of the underworld in the background suggests the hidden presence of Prince Charles, a sun sign Scorpio, as Scorpio is the sign that rules the Underworld. Prince Charles may be working behind the scenes in this decision, absent in flesh but present in spirit. 

The road to Hecate's realm is the 'royal road' of dreams, and Prince Harry may well be hoping to either using his visible status as a royal (supported by an appearance at Remembrance Day) to fulfil his non-royal dreams, or to use his appearance at remembrance Day as a road back to his previous status as a taxpayer funded working Royal sometime in the future, or both together.

Hecate was associated with the crossroads, which suggests that this decision is a crossroads for the BRF - they have to choose a path and move forward on it, removing all other options. Hecate also had the power (according the to tarot book) of bestowing or withholding from a mortal any desired gift, and that is exactly the position that the BRF are in - do they bestow the desired gift of attendance upon Harry (and his wife), or do they withhold it?

So the BRF is facing a choice, a crossroads. There is confusion (heart versus head) and anxiety over this choice, and it has not yet been made. The Major Arcana card says that this is a major decision and one that will have a lasting impact on all involved.

* Crossing Card : Queen of Cups

This is the main obstacle in making the decision.

The card represents Helen, the woman who was married to one man (the King of Sparta), fell in love and ran away with another (the Prince of Troy), and thus instigated the Trojan Wars (during the course of which she took three more lovers). As a woman who created a crisis in the ruling family of her country by following her own selfish desires, the parallel to Meghan Markle is obvious. If you look at the woman on the card, she resembles Meghan Markle as she is today with her long black extensions. As well as creating trouble wherever she goes (as Helen of Troy did), Meghan Markle has also run away with a prince of the BRF (a neat inversion of Prince Paris running away with Helen). My feeling is that the obstacle is not so much Meghan Markle herself, but rather her effect on Prince Harry, the loved grandson of the Queen and prince of the BRF.

The Queen of Cups can be seen as a woman who is a catalyst for the emergence of deep feelings and fantasies that have previously been hidden from awareness, and there is no doubt that in his association with Meghan Markle, the public have become aware of Prince Harry's rage and contempt for both the BRF and his position within it, something that was previously skillfully hidden by the 'Hero Harry" and "Harry the lad" PR. This emergence in the public eye of the 'real' Prince Harry is also part of the obstacle the BRF faces in making this decision.

Another meaning of the Queen of Cups is a loving and nurturing woman. As such, the card can be taken to represent Princess Diana. From this perspective, the obstacle is not Meghan Markle herself but rather  her unsuccessful attempts to push herself onto the public as Princess Diana 2.0, with her constant cries of "racism" and her accusations of the BRF as "unsupportive", "mean", and "treating her like they did Princess Diana". While easily disproven in themselves, these statements gain traction when they are supported by Prince Harry, either by his actions, his own statements against the BRF, or his silence.

Prince Harry is considered by most to be under the thumb of Meghan Markle. He supports her behaviour in tearing down his family and appears to be transforming into a woke male version of herself. Prince Harry is known to have mental issues, and as the nurturing, caring force represented by the Queen of Cups the BRF may hesitate to do anything that could worsen hos mental state. Unfortunately, this leaves them open to emotional blackmail by Prince Harry (the negative side of the Queen of Cups), as he will not hesitate to use the "Princess Diana Card" and remind everyone of the trauma he suffered as a child to get his own way (the fact that Prince William suffered the same trauma while also a child does not seem to occur to anyone).

The crossing card is a Minor Arcana card, so while the obstacles are being considered carefully by the BRF, they are not a huge problem, as would be the case if a Major Arcana card appeared in this position. The Minor Arcana card shows something that is a nusiance but that also is a problem that is  definitely manageable/surmountable.

* Crowning Card and Base of the Matter Card: Ace of Wands and Six of Swords

This is where I made a mistake in the spread. 

When I drew the cards, I drew the Ace of Wands as the third card and put it in the Crowing Card position, and then I drew the Six of Swords as the fourth card and put it in the Base of the Matter position.  However, before I started this spread, I formed the intention of doing the spread as it appeared in the accompanying book, and that book spread has the third card as the Base of the Matter and the fourth card as the Crowning Card.

I put the cards in the wrong positions. Bollocks.

Rather than choosing between my intention to follow the book spread or my instinct in putting down the cards, I have decided to honour both and read both cards together as both the Crowning Card and the Base of the Matter Card (next time I will double check the spread before I draw the cards).

Card 3: the Ace of Wands 

Due to certain life events, the Ace of Wands is strongly linked in my mind with the male, um, 'manhood', and that phallic imagery immediately suggests that someone here is being "led by their dick", that someone being Prince Harry (apparently Prince Charles referred to it as being 'cunt-struck'). This association is strengthened by the card showing a male wearing a crown and holding the world in one hand while the other holds a thick wand emitting flames (the phallic imagery of the wand is obvious and I won't detail it here). The crown and the world can be taken as showing Harry's previous status as a royal prince, where the world was his oyster (more or less).  

The image on the card is the god Zeus, who is famous (or infamous) for not being able to keep it in his pants, and thus reinforces the "led by his dick" meaning. 

The Ace of Wands as a card symbolises the creative power of the imagination, the impulse that makes us restless and dissatisfied until we formulate and manifest it in the world (successfully or not). It is important to note that here the idea has not been thought through and formulated; it is simply a dissatisfaction, a feeling that things could be different. I believe that it was this feeling of dissatisfaction that led to Prince Harry leaving the BRF. He could have looked for ways to improve his role/position/life within the BRF. Instead he chose to leave when his wife did and, together with her, to pursue another future outside the BRF. 

The Ace of Wands, like all aces, also indicates something new. This indicates that this situation is something new for the BRF - never before has a blood royal left Great Britian to live as a minor celebrity n Hollywood. As with all new situations, they may be uncertain as to what is the best response, especially as we now live in an age of instant social media (and not the previous time of newspaper media, which was slower and could be controlled by the BRF).

Card 4: the Six of Swords 

Here we have Orestes, the doomed hero, travelling to Argos to fulfil his terrible duty to murder his mother. He is travelling through rough water, although calmer weather lies ahead. This figure again has echoes of Prince Harry, whose mother died when he was young, and who has left the country of his birth to travel overseas and make his home in another land. This is the Prince Harry who is no longer a working royal and who has left the BRF for the life of a wanna-be celebrity in Los Angeles. Orestes's future murder of his mother could show Prince Harry's future 'murder' by overexposure of his mother's image via documentary, after dinner speeches, and Netflix musical, as well as his constant use of the "Princess Diana Card". For both Orestes and Prince Harry, this journey appears to be one-way; both have left with no intention of returning to their former place of residence.

Orestes was born in Argos, banished to Phocis, and returned to Argos to avenge his father by murdering his mother. Harry was born in Great Britain, willingly left for a life in Los Angeles (and there are articles saying how unhappy he is there and how he feels in 'exile'), and now  he is trying to return home - to resume his role in the BRF, or like Orestes, to 'murder his mother' by trying to complete the destruction of the public image of the BRF who bore, raised and nurtured him? Both interpretations are possible, and indeed by doing the first the BRF may achieve the second. Popular opinion seems to be that the UK public are very glad to be rid of Prince Harry and his wife, and they do not want them to return - ever. These sentiments and the possibilities of what Prince Harry will do in Los Angeles are things to be considered in making the decision whether to extend him an invitation or not.

The Six of Swords in general shows a time of moving on, a time when clear thoughts, understanding and logic will ease a difficult situation and propel you into smoother waters. Sentiment and emotions (cups) play no part in this process, it is all duty and an acceptance of your obligations. This, then, appears to be the path of the BRF - to decide with the mind and not with the heart.

Together 

As the Crowning Card, these two cards show the situation as it appears to others - Prince Harry being led by his dick to leave the BRF and create a future for himself in another country as a minor celebrity.

As the Base of the Matter, these two cards show other motivations - Prince Harry being prompted to leave by dissatisfaction with his life as well as sexual desire, the idea of having him invited to remembrance Day bringing with it the danger of destroying the reputation of the BRF, the fears of what exactly he will do in Los Angeles if he is - or is not invited, and above all the necessity for clear, logical thought without sentiment to find a path through this situation.

*

Past Influences: Justice (card 8)

This is what has influenced the situation in the past. The situation is moving away from it.

The Justice card shows the goddess Athena, seated on her throne, holding the sword and scales of justice. Athena sprung fully formed from the head of Zeus, so this Justice is impersonal, abstract, a thing of thought and not passions. This is further emphasised by the armour worn by the goddess. Her chest and her back are encased in steel, stiffening her spine and enclosing/locking away her heart, the seat of emotions. It is like the judgement handed down in a court case is supposed to be - the situation is weighed against the law and, if found wanting, a punishment prescribed by the law is delivered. There is no room for the passions or emotions in this sort of justice. Facts are all that matter.

The female goddess Athena represents the Queen, a powerful female who made the decisions in this matter. This impersonal, abstract, emotionless justice is how the Queen has dealt with this situation with Prince Harry in the past (to the best of her ability). She has considered the facts, weighed them in her mind, and delivered a consequence. The goddess is armoured and armed with a spear, and so the Queen has acted not out of personal pain but in defence of her institution (the BRF) and her realm.

As the goddess is sitting down, the consequences were more often passive than active; the result of Prince Harry's repeated actions rather than actions taken to forestall them. Like the scales the goddess holds in her hand, the Queen did her best to deliver consequences that she saw as balanced and fair (no matter how the rest of the world saw them). Athena is the goddess of strategy, and the Queen would have taken the strategic long view when deciding on the consequences for Prince Harry's actions. Justice is the card of Libra, and Libra aims for civilised harmony, so the Queen may have had that as a goal in making her decisions (for example, playing Happy Families and presenting aunited front to the world).

The fact that this is a past influence suggests that things are going to change. A new force will lie behind the actions of the BRF. Prince Harry may not be aware of this change. Justice is said to be blind, and he may go blindly forward, expecting everything to work out the same as it had in the past.

This is a Major Arcana card, so it was very important in the past for the treatment of Prince Harry to be seen as fair and unbiased by emotion. Whether this holds true for the future remains to be seen.

*

Future Influences: Nine of Wands

These are the influences on the situation that are going to appear in the immediate future. The situation is moving towards this.

The Nine of Wands shows the ship Argo just before it passes the final obstacle in its journey home, the Clashing Rocks, and comes into the safe harbour of the city of Argos. The sails of the ship are tattered and torn, for it has been through many difficulties on its voyage, and only one final obstacle remains between it and its goal. That obstacle is the Clashing Rocks, a pair of huge rocks that clashed together whenever a ship sailed between them, crushing the ship between them. The captain of the ship, Jason, acted on the advice from a crew member and released a dove between the rocks to see how fast the crew would have to row to escape them. The dove lost a few tail feathers, and by rowing at a similar speed, as fast as they could, the Argo passed between the rocks, losing only its stern ornament. After this defeat the rocks became motionless, facing each other across the sea.

For this card, the Argo represents both the BRF and Prince Harry. Both have been battered by the events of the past, and both want to come to a calm and stable future. Standing between them and this outcome is the Clashing Rocks, which represent the interests of the BRF on the one side and the desires of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle on the other. A passage between the two needs to be negotiated without destroying either the BRF or Prince Harry. Then the rocks will freeze in place, the calm and stable future will be reached, and both parties will continue to hold the positions that are seen at this event. Otherwise, one or both party will be destroyed between the rocks of their conflicting goals.

Like the dove, both Prince Harry and/or the BRF might have to lose a few tail feathers to achieve this result. The compromises will not be significant in the overall scheme of things - the dove can still fly away and regrow its feathers; similarly both Prince Harry and the BRF will recover from whatever compromises they have to make to achieve this future.

The passage to this future will not be easy. The sea around the rocks is turbulent and the crew of the ship are exhausted. it is the same with the BRF and Prince Harry. They have both been on a long journey, and both are exhausted, and finally the end is in sight. Then one last hurdle appears. The obstacle may have been foreseen, as the crew of the Argo knew of the Clashing Rocks, or it may suddenly arise from the depths and stand before them. They must try again, one last time, to overcome this obstacle and finally reach their goal. 

The Nine of Wands represents one last burst of energy that comes from the willingness to try again, one last time, even though you are exhausted, when a final obstacle arises and stands between you and your goals. That willingness to try will bring forth fresh energy and new ideas. It is this last burst that can carry both Prince Harry and the BRF through the rocks and through any compromises into the safe harbour beyond, their positions set for the future. The alternative is for one or both parties to be destroyed. Blindly rushing ahead, refusing to take the time to observe and plan and take advice, will result in the person being crushed between the rocks and drowning. Only by planning and taking advice, as Jason did when he released the dove and calculated the rowing speed required, will a safe passage be assured. 

The member who advised Jason to release the dove was Phineus, a King rescued from his torments by two of the crew of the Argo during their long journey, and who then joined the crew on their quest. Perhaps someone in a similar position may offer wise advice to the BRF and/or Prince Harry.

Wands can represent PR (creativity, ideas). It is very likely that this final obstacle (future influence) will either be in itself or will come from PR pieces designed to stir up the emotions of the general public (emotions are water and the ship is sailing through a turbulent/stirred up sea). As the PR from the Harkle camp has already shown itself capable of being extremely nasty, I expect either something even nastier from them that completely crosses one or more lines, or for Meghan Markle to turn on Prince Harry and tear him to pieces. The current trend of the Harkle PR can go either way.

*

Where One Finds Oneself: Judgement (card 20)

This is what will happen in the near future. The situation is moving towards this.

Here we see Hermes the Psychopomp, the traveller between two worlds, who brings messages to and from the Underworld, summons the dead to the Underworld, restores the dead to life, and who leads heroes out of the Underworld. 

When we die, it is said that our life passes before our eyes, and in we go the the abode of the dead, where we are judged for our deeds and delivered into peace or torment. This is where Prince Harry will find himself. Gone is the abstract justice of the past, now his actions will be judged with emotion, based on how they affect the BRF, and he will be punished or promoted accordingly.

If we look at the picture, we can see a land of glowing wheat fields at the top of the stairs. To me this is England, the Underworld is the life of exile in Hollywood, and Hermes is the messanger between the worlds, with a message  that has been or will be sent to Prince Harry. How Prince Harry responds will determine whether he is led out of the underworld and back to the wheat fields of England, or whether he is left to languish in the darkness of Hollywood. Hermes as a God often displays deceit and trickery, and here he could also represent not a message, but Prince Harry trying to lie and cheat his way back into his past privleges as a member of the BRF.

Whether or not Prince Harry returns to England, he faces a judgement. Should he be restored to some of his past privleges, should he be seen to be a member of the Windosr family but not the BRF (i.e. present in a minor role), or should he simply be excluded from all public events? This is not the cold, abstract, passive Justice of the past, but a Judgement that is active, as Hermes is upright and moving in this card, and a Judgement that is emotional, full of the hurt and pain that he has caused to others (to his family on a personal level, to the BRF as an institution, and to the British public whose taxes have supported him his entire life). This is a very different sort of "judge and jury" than in the past, and I don't think Prince Harry is aware of the change. He is represented here by the dead people, as he "died" by cutting himself off from the BRF. They are swathed in bandages that block their eyes, ears, and mouth, as Prince Harry is blind, deaf and dumb to the changes that await him in the BRF.

The Judgement card is the card of Pluto, the ruler of Scorpio, and Prince Charles is a sun-sign Scorpio. This suggests that Prince Charles is going to move from a force in the background to a major player, front and centre (as Hermes is in the card) in the decision about whether Prince Harry is invited to Remembrance Day or not, and if so in what capacity. Scorpio is a water sign, and water signs are very emotional, so this judgement of Prince Harry's worth as a member of  the BRF is going to be based on an emotional response to all his past actions, the good and the bad, the ones Prince Harry accepts as his and the ones where he places the blame upon others . The Judgement card is a Major Arcana card, which says that the judgement on his position is a major event and it will be seen on the world stage. 

The Judgement card also shows the personal process in which Prince Harry will find himself in the near future. He will face the consequences of all his actions, both those he admits to and those where he has avoided responsibility. All of those actions will be called to account, not just on a world stage but also on a personal stage, and Prince Harry will be confronted with the realisation of what he has done and how it has created his future (whether he accepts his part in this or chooses to play the eternal victim is another matter entirely). The  Judgement card signifies the end of a chapter in his life. Whether the next part is sweet or bitter, as part of the BRF or alone in Hollywood, will be the result of all his actions, past and present.

*

Views of Others: Two of Cups

This is how friend s and family see the situation.

*

Hopes and Fears: Six of Cups

This is what the people involved hope for and fear from the situation.

*

Final Outcome: Page of Swords

If no energy shifts, this will be the outcome of the situation.

Clarifiers: Queen of Swords, Seven of Pentacles

I pulled two clarifying cards to help me understand the outcome.

Queen of Swords

Seven of Pentacles

*

[jasontoddiefor]

Title: you gave up half your life Fandom: Supernatural Summary:  When Dean and Cas disappeared, Sam was lost. But in a world that had nearly broken apart so many times, he wasn’t the only one who needed support and guidance. AN: Remember when I ranted about season 7? Yeah good times. Here’s my 10.000 words Salty Post Season 7 Fix-it in which Sam Winchester accidentally starts organizing a bunch of Hunters all while trying to find his brother.

Read on AO3

Sam didn’t remember the first 48 hours after Dean had disappeared. He knew he must have gotten out of the building, away from the Leviathans, the demons and every pretty little hell his mind could have thrown at him, and driven away in the Impala. He had woken up covered in black goo at the side of a road outside of some tiny town he didn’t even know the name of, miles and hours away from where they had stopped the apocalypse 2.0.

Dean was gone.

Sam had to get him back.

The two of them had a pact, of course. If one of them died, the other would continue on with his life. No shady deals, no sacrifices, no years wasted away chasing after the barest whisper of hope.

That pact was lie.

Sam had known as much from the moment he had died for the first time. They had sworn it to assure each other that they weren’t too far gone yet, that they could still be functional members of society that weren’t utterly codependent.

During his time at Stanford, Sam had taken a course on children’s psychology. Siblings that grew up with absent parents tended to cling more to each other. The younger they were, the stronger the bond.

The course had been eye-opening and confronted him with more than just one uncomfortable truth. (Sam had never cried out for their father after a nightmare.) As long as Dean was out there, somewhere, Sam could manage.

But now Dean was gone.

Not dead, not possessed, just gone.

The pact was a lie and Sam was alone.

His next course of action was clear, he knew his mission (had done so once already in a fantasy land created by a cowardly angel): find Dean, consequences be damned.

(He heard Lucifer singing, oh, so sweetly, “This is why you were made for me.” He ignored it.)

X

Sam started to research. He had always liked that part of the job the most. Ever since he could think, he’d been absorbing knowledge. It was the most ordinary, white-picket-fence like part of being a Hunter. When he had been younger, Sam used to pretend that he was preparing for a school project instead of trying to figure out what was going to kill his family if he didn’t do his job correctly.

He began collecting books from all kinds of places. All his Leviathan research was already stored on his laptop and about five different hard drives he carried with him at all times. It was hard to find anything online Sam didn’t already know or the Leviathans hadn’t covered up themselves. The lore on purgatory, which Sam had already gone through, was about as vague and contrasting as possible. According to the Catholic church, it didn’t even exist anymore. At the same time, the older the lore, the more accurate and Dante had written a whole adventure about it. Sam should have asked Cas how reliable Dante's account of hell, purgatory, and heaven was. Sam had only been to two of those realms and his memories of both were hazy. What little the monsters had let slip out about purgatory didn’t help him either.

Sam was looking at a puzzle he didn’t know how to solve, where to start searching. Usually, Dean would throw in some random comment now, sparking a new thought process.

But Sam was alone.

(For now.)

He had to keep looking.

X

After he had gotten back from the Cage, Sam had to stop himself whenever he introduced Dean.

“This is my brother-,” he would say and halt. Dean took over then, playing whatever role he had assumed at the moment.

Sam had been too much of a coward to ask Dean if he knew that it took months for Sam to get it under control, until Adam was no longer the first name on his tongue.

“You’re my brother Adam,” Sam had whispered for a century, wrapped tightly in Grace while sheltering his younger brother.

The least damage to the most innocent of us, three of them had decided down there. The Cage did not provide any space for raging battles or accusations, and it was meant for only one of them. There was companionship to be found in equal suffering.

(Even in the darkest place on Earth, Sam hadn’t been on his own.)

Sam had lost one brother for eternity. He wasn’t going to lose another.

X

Sam had almost forgotten that he had a phone until it rang one day. He had been lying half asleep on the small table of the motel room, which still had two queen-sized beds because Sam hadn’t gotten out of the habit of asking for such yet. Last time, it had taken almost two months. Sam didn’t intend to be separated from his brother long enough to get rid of the habit again.

The ringing of the phone startled him awake. In his disorientation, he knocked his mug, half-filled with cold coffee, off the table.

“Shit,” Sam cursed and threw the nearest piece of fabric he could find over it.

He then rushed over to his bag, searching for his phone.

Please, he thought. I need just this one miracle.

Sam didn’t recognize the number on the phone. Memorizing numbers of hotel rooms, license plates, phones, holes in jeans, and bullets had been one of the first things John Winchester had taught Sam.

After Dean had shown Sam how to read such numbers.

“Hello?” Sam answered the phone. His voice was rough – when had he last talked to someone?

“Sam Winchester?”

Sam’s first reaction was to recoil. He wanted to scream, shout, throw something.

He did neither of those things.

“Kevin? Is that you?”

A sob rang from the other end of the line.

“Oh, God. It really is you. I know I memorized your number correctly, but the tablet messed with my head and I just, I need-“

“Kevin, breathe,” Sam ordered. “Where are you?”

“New York,” Kevin stammered. “State, not city. I managed to escape, but Crowley will know soon because I blew up his demons and I don’t know where to go or what to do-“

“I’ll come get you. Go somewhere safe and ward the room like you’re expecting the devil himself to knock and then call me again.”

He sent a quick and silent prayer to Castiel, the only angel worth praying to left these days despite everything, and began to pack his things. Truth be told, Sam hadn’t really thought about Kevin since that day. Crowley had just grabbed him and vanished, and Dean, always Sam’s priority, had been more important.

Dean would be ashamed Sam had let himself get so absorbed in such a single-minded attitude. This hyper-focusing, while it helped fighting one cause, could get you killed just as quickly. A Hunter couldn’t be entrenched. They had to think quickly and be flexible and open to other ideas. For all that Hunters hated deviating from the norm, if you only knew how to salt-n-burn bones, your third ghost would get you.

Within fifteen minutes, Sam was packed. He loaded his belongings into the Impala and drove off into the direction of New York.

X

Sam found Kevin in an overcrowded motel, hiding out in a wardrobe that was covered in so many sigils, it might as well be drenched in ink. Kevin had picked up on quite a lot of knowledge in the short time he had been exposed to the supernatural. Though, maybe, that also had to do with his status as a prophet of the Lord. Perhaps this knowledge was written into his soul.

When Sam opened the door, Kevin was cradling the demon tablet with one hand and a water bottle with the other.

“Hey, Kev-“

Sam didn’t get much further, as Kevin hit him with a glass full of water.

“I’m not a demon, Kevin,” Sam said slowly. He knew better than to scare the younger man now.

“You could have been possessed!” Kevin insisted, bloodshot eyes wide open with a crazed look.

Sam shook his head and pulled the collar of his shirt away from his neck to expose his anti-possession tattoo.

“Not with this. As long as I’ve got this one intact, I’m good.”

Kevin stared at the black ink.

“Is that Hunter standard?” He asked. “And can I get one?”

For the first time in weeks, or so it felt like, Sam managed to twist his face into something resembling a happy expression with the hint of a smile.

“Sure, Kevin. If you’re up for a long drive right now.”

Kevin was tired. It was written all over his face, his posture. He had a haunted look in his eyes, one Sam knew all too well. It was easy to forget that not everyone had been raised in this life like Sam and his brother had. But right now, staring in Kevin's sunken-in face, Sam was reminded of just how much Kevin had had to adapt since he’d woken up as a prophet.

“I need to keep moving,” Kevin insisted, subtly shifting so the tablet was pressing into his body uncomfortably.

“Okay. Then we keep moving.”

Kevin fell asleep in the backseat of the Impala within fifteen minutes, still holding onto the tablet. Once in a while, Sam glanced at Kevin, but he slept peacefully. The past weeks must have been an enormous strain on his body and mind if he rested as well as he did now, with no nightmares haunting him.

(The first few nights after Cas had taken Lucifer from him, Sam had been so out of it as well. He had fallen asleep and just woken up again, not chased by blood, torture, and screams. Nowadays, if he slept, he had night terrors. It almost made him miss Lucifer. Almost.)

Sam wished he could say the same.

X

After a couple days of pretty much non-stop driving, Sam and Kevin arrived in a relatively small town. They got a motel, checked for any signs of demons and promptly warded the room to withstand a minor assault. Then they left the Impala in the parking lot and headed for a diner. Kevin hadn’t eaten properly in days (not that Sam had either, but he also wasn’t recovering from a kidnapping) and needed something nutritious.

“Where are we?” Kevin asked while he was swirling his soup around with his spoon, not eating any of it.

“Nebraska, passed the state lines a couple hours ago.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I can read road signs, Sam. But you were heading to this city specifically – why?”

“There’s a retired Hunter here, or at least, I hope he’s still here. He owns a tattoo shop.”

Kevin stared at him, not giving Sam the impression that he had made the connection. Then again, he’d been so out of it when Sam had picked him up, he might not even remember.

“You wanted to get an anti-possession tattoo,” Sam elaborated.

“Oooh, yeah.” Kevin looked down on his bowl. “I forgot about that. But why here? Couldn’t we have walked to any shop?”

The answer was yes, they could have, but Sam didn’t want to. Marty McKinnons never really left his state for hunting. Sam had met him when he was on his way to Stanford, seven days separated from Dean. Sam may or may not have had a minor breakdown in the passenger seat of Marty’s car while they drove away from a graveyard.

“I only managed seven fucking days of normal before the crazy came back again. What the hell was I thinking?” Sam had said then.

Marty had let Sam crash on his sofa that night and set his head straight again. He had been managing a shop and a band while hunting. “You don’t have to give it all up, kid,” Marty had said. “Or push it all away. If you see a ghost, take care of it or call someone who can. No need to go searching for cases like your daddy. If your neighborhood’s good, so are you.”

And then he had given Sam breakfast and driven him to the bus station.

“We could,” Sam finally replied. “But I’ve wanted to check out who else is still in the game, and if they know what the demons are up to.”

Kevin mustered Sam a little while longer. “Alright.”

He went back to pretending he was actually going to eat more of his soup and Sam picked at his salad.

X

Marty’s shop was crammed into an alley, an off-shoot of the main road. It was still standing. Sam took that as a good sign. Kevin walked slightly behind Sam, staying as close as he possibly could without full-on taking over Sam’s personal space.

Sam opened the door to the shop and the old bell attached to the doorframe rang. Marty had stolen it out of an abandoned church. Sam couldn’t quite recall what monster church bells warded against, but he could remember in perfect detail Marty’s hilarious tale about its acquisition. It had involved neon pink paint and lucky charms and had sounded like something out of a comedy sketch.

“Welcome to Artemis Tattoo’s, what can I do for you?”

Marty looked a little different than Sam recalled. It shouldn’t surprise him, it had been over a decade. The red-haired man was well into his fifties now, and his hair was graying, giving him a silver-fox look.

“Hey, Marty,” Sam greeted lamely. “It’s me, Sam-“

“Sam Winchester?” Marty interrupted him with wide eyes.

He took off his glasses and rubbed them over his black t-shirt before putting them on again.

“Christo, is that really you, kid?”

Sam shrugged helplessly. “Still me, still kicking.”

Compared to Sam, most people were smaller than him. Marty was the only person Sam knew who was taller than him still. When he marched towards you, it was impossible to not feel intimidated. Nobody would expect a man of Marty’s age and built to be as silent and fast as he was, so when he suddenly rushed towards Sam, Sam was caught off-guard. He didn’t even have a chance to act before Marty pulled him close.

He was hugging him, Sam realized belatedly.

“Holy fucking hell, kid,” Marty cursed. “You’re alive. You wouldn’t believe the shit I heard about you Winchesters in the past years. Where’s your brother?”

Sam tensed and Marty slowly let go of him. Marty had started hunting because his older sister had been killed by a witch, Sam remembered.

Sam didn’t have it as bad as him.

“Dean’s- he’s gone.”

(But he would be back.)

“Hell, kid. I’m sorry-“

“He’s not dead,” Sam insisted. Each time he said it out loud, he managed to stand a little bit straighter. “He’s just lost. I’ll find him. But that’s not what I’m here for. Look, this is Kevin.”

Sam stepped aside to let Marty get a good look at Kevin. Kevin waved timidly and nervously took in Marty’s many tattoos. The older man was covered in them from head to toe. Most of them were for the aesthetic, but quite a lot were there because they helped on the job.

Marty specialized in taking down witches, and while you couldn’t protect yourself from all of their spells, there were quite a lot counter measurements one could ink into their skin.

“Kevin’s a prophet. Crowley’s had him for a while-“

“Crowley?”

Right. Sometimes Sam forgot that not everybody dealt with demons on the daily like him.

“Current King of Hell,” Sam continued. “Kevin managed to escape, but we need to get him some extra security.”

Marty nodded slowly and then grinned, warm and toothily like Sam remembered. It was nice to be looked at in kindness for once instead of hatred and fear like most Hunters did nowadays.

“Anti-possession tattoo, you’re thinking?”

“Yes,” Kevin spoke up for the first time since they had entered the shop. “I don’t want one of those bastards in my head. If they know what I know…”

“Could get bad, I got you. Man, am I glad I don’t deal with those sons of a bitch. And you, Sam? Can I get you anything?”

Sam stuck his hand in his jeans pocket and pulled out a paper sheer that used to be white once upon a time.

“Yes, actually,” Sam said. “There is something I want.”

X

In the years Sam and Dean had been hiding from Heaven and Hell, they had learned more about wards than their father had in his entire life. Most of them had to be powered by blood, freshly spilled. A few of them, like the Enochian sigils Castiel had branded onto their ribs, could be applied and would work without a sacrifice, or one that only needed to be paid once.

Sam had never thought about putting anything other than the anti-possession tattoo on his skin (it was too easy to alter wards, to make them turn on the one using them, to have them drain you, they made you recognizable) but the last years had worn him down.

And if anything ever got close enough to him again to manipulate him (wear his body, wrap his soul in sweet lullabies while they tear into his brother’s flesh-), then perhaps Sam deserved it.

He wasn’t young and weak anymore.

(He had pulled Lucifer apart.)

Sam could afford to wear the wards he wanted.

“Are you sure?” Marty asked, studying the paper Sam had handed him. “This is… I don’t even recognize half of this.”

(Nobody would. Something had been meant for Archangel Grace only, but Sam had been there and he had listened. And he remembered.)

Kevin looked over the paper as well, frowning. When he met Sam’s eyes, he was troubled.

“That’s a lot,” Kevin said, something old lingering in his voice.

Maybe being a prophet didn’t just mean that Kevin could read God’s Word.

“I know,” Sam said. “I want it.”

(I consent.)

X

When they separated from Marty, the man pulled both of them into another heartfelt hug. Kevin looked like he was about to break and Sam’s hug was a little awkward as Marty was mindful not to touch Sam’s back.

“Don’t get into any trouble,” Marty said. “You have my phone number. If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to call.”

“Same goes for you, Marty,” Sam replied. “And if anyone wants to get the wards, but has questions about them, they can call me. I can explain.”

Marty smiled warmly and messed up Sam’s long hair. “You’re a good kid. Stay safe.”

X

They drove westward, hitting old libraries and archives, universities and churches. Sam kept learning, kept going. He couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop. He felt a little bit like he was losing his mind.

(Except this was reality.)

Kevin wasn’t any better.

He barely slept. Most of the time, he was staring at the demon tablet, taking notes and trying to make sense of everything written there.

After a month of traveling, Kevin admitted defeat.

“I can’t do this if we keep moving,” he admitted quietly. “I need peace and calm to actually understand what I’m doing here.”

“Okay,” Sam said. He had expected it. “I’ll find a place.”

Some Hunters never traveled far away from their home, others were so lost they drifted until some monster killed them. As much as Sam had detested it, he had been raised on the road. He had studied for his finals lying on the backseat of the Impala. He had gotten a full-ride to Stanford with sticky-notes pinned to the windows.

(Sam wondered what he could have been if he had been able to recover in peace.)

X

Sam left Kevin at an old abandoned church. They set up traps for demons, bought enough non-perishable food to ensure Kevin wouldn’t have to leave the church for a while (until Sam found a better solution) and said their quiet goodbyes.

(“Looks like you’re well and truly on your own.”)

Everybody left.

Sam should be used to it by now.

It didn’t stop him from watching Kevin in the rearview-mirror until the distance ate him up.

X

Dean was gone two months now. Kevin called sometimes, but Sam couldn’t always keep up with his rambles. The Impala was stocked full with books kept in a neat organization system that hadn’t ever made sense to anyone but Dean.

X

Sam hunted a vampire in Colorado.

Then a witch in Utah.

A werewolf in Arizona.

Ghouls, shifters, ghosts, wendigos, rugaru-

And then, blood splattered over his clothes, Sam killed a demon.

Two hunters with twin shocked expressions pointed at Sam, then at the dead body and threw up their arms in defeat, shouting, “You can do that!?”

X

Sam had been avoiding demons to the best of his abilities. He knew they were hunting him and Kevin down, and while at some point he had entertained the thought of using himself as bait to lure them as far away from Kevin as possible, he had settled on trying to stay as far away from them as he could.

Until he couldn’t.

The demon was working on his own and he hadn’t been really all that well-informed or strong. It was easy enough to trap him and get him to break.

Sam hated torture, but not as much as Dean did.

(Because Dean wasn’t just good at it, he was great.)

But he could get a demon to start speaking if he wanted it to. The demon had boasted so proudly about how much he had made the owner of his meatsuit suffer until the soul had died, not knowing that his actions had only made it easier for Sam.

And then, when he had stabbed the knife through the demon’s heart, two college kids broke into the warehouse.

X

They must be siblings, twins maybe even, Sam thought. Both of them had curly dark hair, equally dark skin, and their expressions were too similar for them to not be family.

“You just killed a demon,” the smaller one said. “How do you- what. Just. What?”

Sam’s eyes narrowed.

“Who are you?” He asked.

“Dude, who are you? You just offed a demon!”

They couldn’t be older than twenty-five at most, at best if Sam allowed himself to hope. They knew about demons, so they had to be Hunters. Probably not in the business for long if they didn’t know demons could be killed. That was common knowledge amongst the community, or what was left of it. At least Sam thought it was. He and Dean had never really been close to a lot of Hunters because of their reputation.

“I’m Sam Winchester,” he introduced himself.

The eyes of the pair widened.

Not good.

Sam slowly shifted his body into a more versatile position and counted the exits. He would defend himself, no questions asked, but he didn’t want to hurt anyone. If he could get away from the two without the situation escalating into a fight, everything would be alright.

“Sam Winchester,” the taller twin spoke up. “You’re really Sam Winchester?”

And then something curious happened.

The twins dropped their shoulders in pure relief, hope lighting them up like they still had something to believe in that hadn’t been broken by blood and deals.

Well, that was a first.

“Dude,” the smaller one said. “Thank you so much.”

What.

Sam hadn’t said a word, but his confusion must have shown (damn it, he used to be better at acting, at pretending, at reassuring everyone that he was fine) because the kid immediately began to babble.

“You saved us. Just. Thank you. Just, thank you for everything.”

“You are welcome?”

Sam still didn’t know what they were talking about, but he sincerely hoped that he was right in assuming the two of them meant no harm. They put away their guns, practically vibrating with energy.

“I’m sorry, but have we met before?” Sam asked.

“No,” the taller replied. “I’m Gregory Rosswell and this one here next to me is my brother Frederick. Our parents got snatched by Leviathans a couple months back. We’ve been going after them ever since and everything else that came our way.”

Gregory glanced at the dead demon behind Sam. “Mostly ghosts though. Caught one demon, but he almost blew our brains out. Couldn’t chug enough salt and holy water at him fast enough.”

“Yeah,” Fred agreed. “How did you catch one so easily?”

“Devil’s trap,” Sam said.

“Oh.”

The twins shared a look. “Can you teach us how to draw one?”

X

Gregory and Frederick Rosswell were twenty-years-old (too young, children still, they shouldn’t be here) and had both been home from university when their parents had been replaced by Leviathans. When they had tried to do the same to Frederick, Gregory had cut off their heads with a cutlass from their father’s ancient weapons collection.

Sam refrained from asking whether the cutlass hidden beneath the backseat of the twins’ car was the one Gregory had used. They had a fairly impressive collection of knives and swords, but only two small handguns.

“We don’t need those much since we mostly go after Leviathans,” Gregory explained. “Didn’t even know there was more crazy out there until we ran into our first ghost.”

Gregory said it so casually that Sam didn’t know whether to be impressed or shocked. Leviathans weren’t easy to kill, even depowered as they now were, and Hunters, whose introduction to life was so violent, tended to die sooner than later.

When Sam tried to explain that, the Rosswells only looked at him in disbelief.

“Yeah, man. Back up a second. Vampires are real too?”                           

The twins turned to each other, conveying thoughts in half-smiles, a groan and a tap on the shoulder. Then they decided to invite Sam back into their conversation.

“What else is there?” Gregory asked. “And how do we kill it?”

“You don’t have to do this,” Sam said.

They were twenty, they shouldn’t be hunting when they had their whole lives still ahead of them.

(Sam was twenty-nine, was two-hundred-twenty, centuries, ages, older than his brother would ever be.) 

“We know,” Frederick replied. “But we don’t want to stop. We can’t stop.”

Sam had never met a Hunter who could. (Himself included.)

X

Sam had never actually taught someone how to be a Hunter. Frederick and Gregory got the basics done already and research wasn’t unfamiliar to them. Their father had been a policeman, so they knew how law enforcement worked and could pretend to be a part of it well enough. Sam didn’t feel like he was actually teaching them a lot by giving them a list of America’s Top Twenty Monsters and a How To Kill Them All manual.

If he was honest, he thought the twins did most of the work. For the weeks they stuck with him, they asked countless questions, treating him like a tired college professor.

“How much Holy Water can you bless at once?”

A lot, but no, you can’t just bless the ocean. That’s not how it works.

“Wooden stake for tricksters? Where does that even come from?”

Yes, wooden stake. Works if they’re not angels in disguise.

“Angels are real!?”

Yes, and they all suck. Never let one of them possess you. They may need your consent, but it doesn’t need to be an informed or gentle one. You’ll be out of control and feel like you’ve been strapped to a comet. (Like you’re trapped in the softest dream, surrounded by memories of your siblings when they still loved you and the world was whole and untainted.)

“I know Latin and I’d been learning Greek for my bachelor, but how many languages do you need to know?”

A lot.

“Why do you carry so many books around in your car? Wouldn’t it be easier to get a place to store them in?”

“And organize them properly?” Frederick teased.

Sam looked at the backseat of the car and yes, true enough, he had accumulated a small library.

“Oh, shut up, you two,” Sam muttered, and pointedly ignored that one of the stacks of books had fallen over, making the twins grin like idiots.

When they went their separate ways again, Sam was a little more convinced that he wasn’t sending the two of them off to their deaths. And if they ever met anything they didn’t know, they could call him. It was the least he could do.

X

What Sam hadn’t expected when he handed the Rosswells his number, was how often they would call. Sometimes they asked for help regarding hunts, but more often than not, they just asked about him or talked about whatever kind of crazy had happened to them lately. When Sam had started attending Stanford, he’d had to train himself in the delicate art of small talk. While attending school, he’d never connected much with his peers, too aware that he’d soon move away again, and with Dean around, he hadn’t needed to say a single word more than necessary. Even with all their differences, the choices that had made them grow apart, they got each other.

(Except when they didn’t and the world had to pay for it.)

At Stanford, though, Sam learned that small talk wasn’t just something you took part in to stay busy but to build longer-lasting relationships. The years on the road had made his skill rusty, but the Rosswells were doing their best to bring it back.

Sam didn’t know why telling them what he had for dinner was a good topic choice (but it did make him more conscious of the meals he kept skipping) or why he could listen to Gregory talking for a good fifteen minutes about how difficult it was to eat healthy on the road.

He always accepted their calls, never hit decline, even when they called in the middle of the night (Sam wasn’t sleeping anyway).

Marty called a few times too, his latest call informing Sam of his new partner Caitlyn, a young florist, who had set up her shop just a few meters away from him and put all her bouquets in holy water.

“She’s new to all of this. Vamps got her husband last year – that’s why she moved town.”

Kevin checked in less regularly and to even more random times than the twins. After one more erratic call that almost chased Sam halfway across the country, he asked the twins to go check in on Kevin.

At 3 a.m., his phone rang, and Sam got to stare at a picture of three young men, squatting in a confessional box and watching a movie on a laptop. Kevin was smiling tiredly and Frederick’s new scar was healed enough to be exposed.

They were healthy.

(They were alive.)

Sam could keep going.

X

Month four without Dean started by Sam staring at his phone and the many messages he had received in the few hours he had been asleep. Apparently, his friends had decided to team up and create a group chat.

The last dozen messages were everyone trying to make out what the hell Kevin’s sleep-deprived 4 a.m. message had meant while the prophet in question was probably (hopefully) fast asleep for once.

That’s Enochian, Sam typed mindlessly. It means Protection, but specifically referring to a situation in which demons are trying to possess someone who used to be an angel vessel.

Gregory: What?

Frederick: Hi Sam!!!

Marty: how is that ever a likely situation?

Sam grinned. It can also mean Protecting someone who is Loved by God. Angel vessels are precious to them. Ruining them is a severe offense.

Marty: yeah no goodbye I’m out. 

X

Sam met the Hilllains on a ghost hunt. They had three kids, fifteen, twelve and six years old, who all knew how to handle knives and shoot guns and what to do when your mom fell over because she had a vision. The Hillains usually didn’t leave their state since “Raising kids on the road is just irresponsible”.

Susan Hillain-Waterbury was the descendant of a long line of gifted people and Terrence Hillain was a priest turned Hunter after a run-in with a demon. Most of the time, they hunted on the weekends and brought home fast food as a treat on Sunday afternoons.

Sam stayed with them until Monday evening because Susan insisted on making her world-famous lasagna for him as a thank you.

X

Four months and two weeks into his search and Sam had stopped asking for a room with two beds. When he realized that, he abandoned most of his weapons except the knife and headed for the nearest bar. People made space for him when he walked past them, and he didn’t think it was just because of his height.

The bartender took one look at him and filled a crystal clear glass with something that smelled so strong it burned in Sam’s nose.

“First one’s on the house,” she said.

“Thank you,” Sam muttered and downed the drink in one go.

(“Free booze! Awesome. C’mon, Sammy. Smile at her! See if you can get a second!”)

“Just keep them going, please.”

Alcohol couldn’t properly knock Sam out anymore. He hadn’t tried drugs (strong ones, anyway), but those shouldn’t have much of an effect on him either. He remembered the peaceful embrace of another, the oblivion that came with being lulled into memories of happy times when Father still loved them all.

Sam was tired.

His research was going fucking nowhere and he couldn’t keep everything organized and he was failing Dean yet again. He hadn’t been able to get his brother out of hell and he wouldn’t be able to get him out of purgatory.

What a fucking waste of space he was.

X

When he stumbled out of the bar, he stabbed a man with blonde hair and green eyes right between his ribs, watched as the demon within perished. Wordlessly, he dropped the body in a side-alley where it would be found by morning and a mourning family would have a place to grief at.

What did Sam have left?

(Nothing.)

He put the few belongings he had bothered out pack back in the car and drove off.

X

The next day he hit a dog.

X

Sam wasn’t thinking when he wrapped the dog into his towel and drove to the nearest animal clinic.

“I need help,” Sam exclaimed when he entered the clinic. Admitting more than he wanted to. “The dog needs help.”

“He just came out of nowhere, right in front of my car. We need a doctor. Are you a doctor?”

The animal couldn’t die. Not now, not right in front of Sam because he had made another mistake. It shouldn’t have to pay for Sam’s flaws.

It couldn’t die.

It couldn’t die.

It couldn’t-

X

Sam’s shirt was still drenched in (Dean's) the dog’s blood. The smell didn’t bother him, it was too familiar to him to register on his mind.

When the doctor entered the room, everything was still a blur. Sam tried to keep his breathing under control, stop his hands from shaking and not fall into a panic.

Somehow, it ended with him owning a dog.

X

The motel he was staying at didn’t mind that he was keeping Dog, who still didn’t have a proper name. Sam had always been terrible about naming anything at all. When he was younger and had wanted a pet, Dean had collected the spiders of their motel rooms and named each and every one of them.

The various hero names Dean had slapped on them hadn’t been very creative either, but better than anything Sam had come up with.

The doctor who had done Dog’s surgery assured him that he was recovering well. Amelia Richardson, that was her name, was much kinder to him now that he apparently didn’t classify as a total asshole who hit animals while driving irresponsibly.

She still thought he was creepy and that there was something wrong with him (he was torn to bits and pieces, no amount of tape could fix him), but she stopped with the random accusations. The cash he earned at the motel, fixing a little bit of everything here and there, was enough to help him pay for Dog’s medication.

Sam felt like he was holding his breath and he didn’t know what he was waiting for.

X

Five months after Dean’s disappearance began with another random call. He didn’t recognize the number displayed on the phone screen, nor the voice speaking.

“Is this Sam Winchester?”

Sam evaluated the pros and cons of lying but settled on stating the truth. If it turned out this person meant to harm, Sam knew how to disappear quickly.

“Yes, who’s calling?”

The woman on the line sighed.

“My name’s Penny. I’m a… Hunter?” She trailed off, sounding unsure. Sam thought he heard a second voice ring in the background, saying something like, “That’s what Mackey called us!”

“Okay, jeez. I didn’t ask for your opinion Himari and Chasers sounds way better, it’s like Harry Potter,” Penny muttered. That was probably not meant for Sam’s ears. “Anyway. We already called Mackey – he’s another Hunter – but he couldn’t help us, and the Rosswells said you always help them with their cases so they gave us your number, and people are dying and we don’t know what to do.”

While Sam had gotten accustomed to his new network over time, he hadn’t expected the others to hand out his number. There was a certain risk attached to it but- Never mind. He could help out another Hunter, especially if she 

“Okay,” Sam said. “Yes, sure. Of course, I can help you. What are you hunting?”

“No idea.”

Sam grimaced and put the phone on speaker, another habit stemming from being around Dean 24/7. Whenever Bobby called them to give them a little help, they put the phone on speaker so the other could listen in. Sam didn’t need to do it anymore. He did it anyway.

“What and how does it kill then?”

“It burns the victims,” Penny said. Her voice sounded a little off, she probably hadn’t come across many burned corpses then already. The smell and the sight were always a little nauseating. “But there are also multiple bite marks and poison and the only reason we think it’s only one monster is that all victims have at least two of those signs.”

Sam couldn’t think of a single monster that killed in such a way, but that didn’t mean it didn’t exist. If the whole catastrophe with Eve had shown one thing, then that America’s monsters didn’t care about staying traditional. Much like humans, they had immigrated over the centuries and spread and there was no way to keep track of every country’s varied monster population.

“I’ll go do some research, Penny. Just send me what you have so far per SMS,” Sam replied, already packing his messenger bag. “I’ll call you back as soon as I got something. If a new victim pops up, give me another call.”

Sam hesitated. Penny couldn’t be doing this for long if she was unfamiliar with the term Hunter, right?

“Otherwise, stick to silver, iron, salt, and holy water. Those works on most things.”

Seasoned Hunters would think of such advice as patronizing, as much as they appreciated help on a challenging hunt, they were all fairly arrogant, considering themselves experts.

“Thank you, Mr. Winchester.”

Sam snorted. “Just call me Sam, everyone does.”

He ended the call and halted, just for a moment. Everyone?

(He sure had surrounded himself with more people than he thought he would, than he ever should.)

X

Sam didn’t expect to run into any trouble while researching for Penny until he stood in front of the library, Dog’s leash still in his hand. He couldn’t take a dog into a library, could he? A bit helplessly and lost he stood in front of the library until a young girl took pity on him and told him he could leave Dog on the west side of the library, where they had a small sheltered space for dogs. Sam thanked her and quickly got to work.

He started looking for any incidents happening in the town Penny was in, but couldn’t find any. Then he moved on to ghosts, covering the basics before returning to researching all kinds of monsters. When the American usuals didn’t bring any results, Sam turned to European folklore and myths, where he soon discovered something fitting.

Sam dialed Penny’s number. “Hey, Penny? I think I know what it might be.”

“Really? But- what. That took you barely 3 hours!”

Sam glanced at the time displayed in the corner of his laptop. It really hadn’t taken that long.

“Well, want to hear what I found?”

“Yes, please.”

Sam smiled and scrolled to the top of his word document. “Okay, so, it looks like you’re dealing with a chimera from Greek mythology. It’s a fire-breathing female monster resembling a lion in the forepart, a goat in the middle, and a dragon or snake behind. In the myth, Bellerophon kills it by lodging a block of lead inside the Chimera's throat.”

“How are we supposed to stuff lead inside such a monster?” Penny replied, her voice bordering on hysterics.

“Look,” Sam said. “Myths like to make things more complicated, heroes more heroic and cunning. Most likely, you’ll be fine by using weapons made out of lead.”

“You sure?”

“As sure as you can be with those things.”

Penny took a deep breath, probably to calm herself. Sam waited until she was done to speak up again. “Do you need back up?”

“No,” Penny said. “Himari called Mackey again to tell him I called you – he says hi by the way? You called him after Bobby’s death apparently…?”

Oh, that Mackey. He was one of Bobby’s contacts. Sam had rung them all up to tell them about Bobby’s death. Not all of them were glad to hear of him, but a surprisingly high amount was.

“Yeah, I know Mackey. He’s a good guy.”

“Yeah, Himari worked with him before. Anyway, he’s driving our way to help out. I guess I’ll call when it was a success?”

“You do that. Much success and don’t forget to aim for the head.”

Penny laughed, still a little nervous but at least not as much as before. “Thanks for the help again, Sam.”

X

A week later, Sam got a call from Mackey, asking if he had any use for chimera blood.

“Always split the spoils with Bobby,” Mackey said. “I swear, Bobby had everything stored down there in his basement.”

“He did,” Sam agreed. He remembered spending two months at Bobby's by himself while John was out like always and Dean was gone. Sam had done a lot of research during that time, not all of it necessarily child-friendly despite Bobby’s attempts to keep him away from it. He’d spend at least one weekend labeling all the weird monster parts Bobby had been keeping on old shelves.

“Thanks for the call, Mackey, but I don’t have the space for that.”

Sam’s eyes drifted to the books and weapons already taking up most of the space in the Impala and some more.

“Too bad, I don’t have any either. You know any Hunter shops?”

“I…” Sam’s thoughts drifted back to Marty or rather Caitlyn. She didn’t hunt as much as the rest of them, only really when Marty asked her to be his back up. But she did start to collect more unusual ingredients, even if most of them were plant related.

“Actually, yes. How far are you from Nebraska? I know a good place there.” 

X

Sam began to run into Amelia everywhere or so it felt. She was funny and kind, and she understood what it was like to lose something so dear to you, you forgot how to breathe.

“So, Sam, I was thinking: Do you want to go out on Friday? A proper restaurant, I mean. Not another motel room talk.”

“I like our-“

Sam’s phone rang. Frederick was calling him. Last Sam had heard, the twins were a couple hours away from him. “Hold up. Hey Fred, everything alright?”

“Sam!”

Frederick’s panic immediately put Sam on edge. “Fred, what’s going on?”

“Can you come drive up? Gregory and I stumbled upon a werewolf pack and they’re hunting kids for sport and I think they’re onto us and I know there are four at least and we have no idea what to do. Just. Please. I know you’re busy searching for Dean, but we’re at our wit's end.”

Sam looked at Amelia. She was smiling softly still, much happier than the first time he’d met her. Riot, the finally renamed Dog, was lying next to her and wagging his tail.

“Sam?”

People were relying on Sam.

“I’ll be there as soon as possible, give me your coordinates.”

Dean’s cursing about dog fur on the Impala’s leather chased Sam over the highways. He broke the speed limit on most roads, haunted by images of two death he could prevent if he was just in time. Riot looked out of the window, peaceful and healthy. All of Sam’s belongings were crammed into the trunk and on the backseat. A whole life and five months.

X

Sam made it just in time. The werewolves had indeed caught up to the twins and jumped their motel room. When Sam emptied a whole load of silver bullets into the werewolves, Frederick was only wearing sweat pants and using a towel to cover up his chest, holding onto his unconscious brother whose head was bleeding.

The werewolves dropped to the ground, dead. Frederick, blood splattered over his face, didn’t let go of his silver knife or Gregory.

Sam didn’t bother checking whether the werewolves were really dead, they had taken a bullet to their heads and wouldn’t return from that (unless heaven or hell took mercy on them and neither were kind to anyone but themselves).

“Frederick,” Sam said. “You need to get up.”

Frederick didn’t move. The motel was pretty empty, but someone was bound to have heard the attack, the fight or the murder, and they would come looking. They couldn’t afford to lose time now.

“Fred, get up,” Sam ordered. He held out his hand and when Frederick, shaken up, lifted his, Sam quickly took the knife out of it and threw it in the small suitcase on the bed. “Get dressed, I’ll take care of Greg.”

Frederick seemed to be moving in slow motion, but he was finally returning to the action. Sam pulled the pillowcase off one of the pillows lying on the bed and used it to stop Gregory’s bleeding. He probably only had a concussion.

Then Sam picked Gregory up as carefully as he could and carried the man to the Impala. Riot looked up in interest when Sam laid Gregory on the backseat.

“Keep watch,” Sam told him and returned to the Rosswells’ room to help Frederick finish.

When he arrived, Frederick was as good as dressed and gathering everything of importance. Sam picked up two bags and threw one last look at the corpses on the ground. They had no time to get rid of the bodies, they would have to stay.

Frederick sits down next to Gregory and pulls his brother’s head in his lap.

“I’m sorry,” Frederick murmured. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, …”

The mantra followed them down the road until they were three cities further and utterly safe from being accused of any of the crimes they had committed.

X

“Do you have a safe place to stay somewhere?” Sam asked.

They were near Kansas now and could easily swing up to Nebraska. Neither Caitlyn nor Marty had enough space for the two hunters, but it would do long enough for Gregory to heal until the twins could hit the road again.

If they still wanted to after this encounter.

Sam had been injured so often in the past years, he hardly even blinked at a concussion anymore, he and Dean just kept on driving.

“We’ve got a house,” Frederick replied. “I don’t know what shape it’s in, but we were meaning to go check it out anyway.”

“Alright. Directions?”

X

Frederick led Sam to an abandoned house that was a good twenty-minute drive into the woods in the north of Kansas. It looked fairly old and was surprisingly big and in a good shape.

The entire façade of the building had been painted in a soft green. The color was starting to peel off in some places, but it was mostly intact.

“What is this place?” Sam asked after they had carried Gregory inside and let him continue resting on a sofa in the living room.

There was something off about this place that Sam couldn’t quite pinpoint, but it put him on edge. He felt like somebody was watching him, waiting for him to make a mistake. He began mustering the painted walls. Elaborate landscape paintings of a forest covered the living room. The longer he looked at it, the more did he think he was seeing familiar symbols.

“It’s our great-grandmother Agatha’s house,” Frederick said. “Never met her. According to our grandmother, she was a wicked witch who should have never been allowed to have a child. As soon as Grandmother was sixteen, she left and married a nice man and had a completely normal daughter who then had us. Agatha died back in 2009 shortly before you stopped the apocalypse that almost happened and she left everything to our mother. Mom wanted to sell the house, but no deal could be made. People had unfortunate accidents as soon as they stepped into the house.”

Sam stepped closer to the entrance door, tracing over carvings in the wood. “What?”

Frederick grimaced. “That’s why we were heading here. We wanted to check it out. We thought a ghost might be haunting the building.”

“Yeah, I’m not so sure about that,” Sam muttered.

“No?”

“These symbols spread all over the room, they’re runes. I’m pretty sure they’re wards. Any chance your great grandmother worshipped pagan gods?”

“I don’t know. But she got super old and she was from Norway.”

Sam sighed. “Alright. Let’s track down which god is protecting this house and get them a proper offering before they kill us.”

X

In the end, it was quite easy to figure out which god Agatha had worshipped. Sam found her altar in the eastern kitchen window, the first to see the sun in the morning. Old, half-burned candles with a sugary sweet smell stood around a handmade clay flower pot filled with small pink flowers that appeared to be blooming although nobody was taking care of them. And right next to the flower pot stood a bowl filled with sweets.

The irony of this situation wasn’t lost on Sam.

“It’s Loki,” Sam said when he returned to the living room. “Your great grandmother was a follower of Loki.”

“That was the trickster angel, right?” Frederick asked. “The one who died? Shouldn’t this house be clean of his influence then?”

Sam shook his heads. “You can never really kill a pagan god. More than any other beings, they cling to faith. As long as someone believes in them, they exist. Gabriel might be dead, but the idea of Loki is still around.”

(He wondered what that meant for angels. They did die, expect when God or whatever interfered. Castiel had died and come back. So why did God let one of his oldest angels die?)

“Anyway, I’ll get a package of chewing gum from the car. Not his favorite, but it’s sweet and an offering.”

“You’re not going to destroy the altar?”

Frederick’s expression was neutral. He wasn’t judging Sam or implying anything. He only wanted to know why Sam wasn’t getting rid of the threat.

And honestly? Sam didn’t know why. The thought hadn’t even occurred to him.

“This place has pretty strong wards,” Sam said. It was true, they must have been powered by Loki. If Agatha’s life force had also been included in that, it was no wonder she had died when Gabriel did. If the twins took up residency here, offering their blood and redrawing some of the ownership-tied wards, they had a pretty protected place to stay at. It shouldn’t cost them more than a couple sweets every now and then and some new candles. “There’s a bigger advantage to keeping it.”

X

The twins got settled and Sam spent a couple hours exploring the house. The wards Agatha had set up were truly impressive, even more so after they had made the offering. The house itself was a pretty nice place too. Sure, it needed some fixing and a new paint job, but the amount of knowledge stored in the crammed library in what must have been Agatha’s study was astonishing. Sam would definitely take a closer look once he had the time. Since they had no food or drink, Sam went back to the car to head to the nearest grocery store and buy some supplies.

X

After about two days, Gregory was already up and running again - or walking. Every time Frederick even just suggested Gregory take it slow or, God forbid, brought him food to his bed, Gregory looked slightly more murderous. His injuries weren’t as bad as they had seemed, but it had scared Fred regardless. It reminded Sam a little of his childhood when he’d been deemed old enough to give first-aid but too young to hunt still and Dean or Dad had come back already half out of it and Sam had to stitch them back together. They’d always looked as if they’d come straight out of a horror movie, but nothing vital had been hurt (well, except maybe once or twice.)

Sam and Fred had cleaned up what appeared to have been a guest bedroom and settled Gregory there. To avoid going stir-crazy, they’d cleaned up the other rooms afterward. The house had electricity and warm running water and Sam was sure those had only shown up after Sam had added a lot of treats to Loki’s altar.

He might have gone a little overboard, but Sam owed the guy. He’d died for them, the whole world, when he could have certainly taken up a golden throne right next to Lucifer. As twisted as Lucifer was, killing Gabriel had hurt him and that showed how much he would have loved to have his favorite sibling by his side.

And Gabriel has said “no”.

Frederick had only glanced questioning at the mountain of candy, porn magazines, crossword puzzles, honey, and candles, but Gregory was the one to actually ask about them.

“I thought altars were all blood, dark magic and-“ Gregory moved his hands through the air in the bad imitation of a TV witch. “You know?”

“Blood is for worshippers and, in this case, the owner of the house. The stuff I brought is just a guest gift.”

Maybe not just merely a guest gift, but also a little bribery to protect the three of them as they resided here.

“So whoever offers blood owns the house?” Gregory inquired.

Sam shrugged. “Basically.”

“And non-basically?”

Right, Sam had forgotten he was talking to an ex-history student. Without further prompting, he latched into a lecture on Pagan gods, worship, and ownership rules, only halting once to give Frederick a chance to get settled comfortably when he joined them.

X

Caitlyn: Fred & George are okay?

Gregory: It’s Greg

Frederick: Don’t ruin my fun, bro

Gregory: Of all the names you could have picked, why did it have to be Frederick again?

Sam: @Caitlyn They are getting better

Caitlyn: Sweet. We got a couple Hunters here asking how to get phoenix feathers. Anybody got some ideas? And can I give them your number? @Sam

Sam: Sure, tell them to give me a ring and I’ll see what I can do

X

Frederick and Gregory were up to something. Sam didn’t just guess so, he saw the incriminating looks they shared. Sam had been in and out of their house for a month now. He’d spent two weeks there going through the books their great-grandmother had possessed, but unfortunately, those didn’t provide much information on purgatory either.

Another dead end.

After that, Sam threw himself into helping other hunters. His number of acquaintances had grown exponentially the more the word spread that one Winchester was still alive and kicking and willing to just hand over everything he knew (while the other was gone, never dead. All of them thought it, Sam knew, but they didn’t dare say it around him.).

Hunters were guarded people, they wouldn't survive otherwise. Even information was just shared sparingly, so of course, they all jumped on the opportunity. It was strange to be confronted with Hunters who worked very specialized or were just at the beginning of their careers, as far as you could call killing monsters a job.

Of course, the older ones didn’t exactly trust Sam (he did have a history filled with a lot of dangerous bullshit such as letting Lucifer out of the Cage), but he was America’s expert on everything angelic and demonic.

Even if he didn’t really feel like it. There was so much to know about heaven and hell, Sam’s active knowledge barely scratched the surface and he didn’t dare try to reach for the memories he had buried.

(The Cage hadn’t been all bad, but trauma didn’t let you pick how you’d react to any memory at all.)

But compared to everyone else, that was still more so he taught how to exorcise demons and kill angels and hoped it was enough.

X

“So,” Gregory said one morning. “I’m all healed up and Himari called, asking for backup, so we think it’s time to leave again.”

Sam nodded and closed his book. “Time to move on then.”

“Yeah, about that…” Gregory trailed off and turned to his brother.

Frederick pushed himself away from the wall and began walking up and down.

“Look, Sam. We don’t really have use for this place. And you’ve got Riot.”

“A car’s not a home,” Gregory added. He bent down to pet the dog, who definitely enjoyed his stay at the house more than the endless hours on the road.

Frederick pointed at his brother. “Right? And a dog needs a home and you need a space for the library in your car.”

Sam frowned, realization only dawning slowly upon him. “You can’t-“

Gregory held up has hands. “We can. Look, we still got our parents’ house and all these wards and stuff? That’s your niche. We like hunting stuff that doesn’t require enchantments and we can’t even read half of the words painted on the ceiling.”

“You can learn,” Sam insisted. “This house belonged to your great-grandmother.”

Legacy was important to Hunters. All the lives saved, the knowledge passed on – many Hunters didn’t have any blood relatives left, so their hunting partners were the ones who carried their memories.

But Frederick and Gregory didn’t know that and Sam struggled to find the right words.

Frederick shrugged. “We never even met her, Sam. This house might as well belong to a stranger. We’ll, of course, come visit and crash here whenever, but otherwise? You need a place to search for your brother. Take it.”

X

It took another week for them to wear Sam down, and even then they wouldn’t leave until Sam had gone to the nearest supermarket and returned with new offerings for their pagan god and finally bled over the altar.

Frederick had looked smug the whole time while Gregory sent Sam’s new address to their mutual friends and acquaintances.

It didn’t even take a week for the first person to show up at his doorstep.

X

Sam had always liked doing things with his hands, repairing broken items, stitching up shirts. A lot of handiwork had come out of necessity, but there was also something soothing attached to it all. Over the course of the next weeks, Sam drove to the construction market about every day until the cashiers there greeted him by name.

He bought paint and tools and wood and started to repair the house where it was damaged and touch it up where it just didn’t look all right.

He added his books to the library/study and organized the artifacts Agatha had left lying around pretty much everywhere. The room that once must have belonged to the twins’ grandmother was turned into a guest room with two beds, as was another storage room, a corner of the basement, and the attic.

When Sam was finally satisfied, too much time had passed already, but Kevin Tran, while tired and exhausted, was not bitter and welcomed the change of scenery.

X

Fact was, a lot of Hunters distrusted Sam Winchester. He had a reputation that made them uneasy and the stories haunting him made him out to be much less human than he ought to be. Those Hunters relied on Garth to collect info for them, give them back up and so on. They pointed the new Hunters they found in his direction and Garth-

Well, Garth gave them Sam’s number.

Old school Hunters relied on old and proven methods, they would not suddenly think of recording exorcisms on their phones or starting a Supernatural Wikipedia. These New Age Hunters, as they liked to scoff, didn’t know how much the world had changed.

And they were right in that assessment.

When your first hunt involved leviathans and demons, angels stealing people who returned as mere shells, then you didn’t miss the times when the world was straightforward and didn’t include more than ten types of monsters.

X

“Hello, Agent Mercury? One of your field agents is claiming our body here is part of an FBI investigation-“

“The heads, Sam! It only leaves the heads!”

“-and the Park Rangers really-“

“So like, they steal from blood banks, but otherwise they’re vegan?”

“The military must be really desperate if they try to recruit people off the police.”

“Hypothetically, if a werewolf and a vampire had a kid together-“

“Winchester! Holy Christ, you won’t believe-“

“It’s Kevin,” the prophet interrupted Penny. “Sam’s making dinner.”

Silence. Kevin had to stop himself from laughing out loud.

“Oh. Hi, Kevin! How’s it going?”

“Good, but it’s been busy. How can Agatha’s help you today? Need some spells to get rid of a wicked witch or brain for your local zombie population?”

“Zombies…?” Penny trailed off, sounding unsure. Kevin imagined her shaking her head. “You know what? I don’t want to know. Do you guys know anything about a spell or a monster going after the blood of two drained lambs, the liver of a lion, and the eyes of a monkey? We got a bizarre case here in a zoo.”

Kevin glanced at the clock. He wasn’t going to work on the tablet anymore today and if he could help it, Sam wouldn’t shut himself away in his study/purgatory lore cave.

“Yeah, we can do some research. We’ll ring as soon as we got something.”

X

Soon after word had gotten out that Sam had settled somewhere, Mackey showed up at his doorstep, only Himari in tow. Penny, her better half in Himari’s own words, was apparently visiting family up north.

Sam didn’t buy the lie, but he saw no point in questioning her.

“Oh, man, Sam. I love what you’ve done with the place. It’s like Roadhouse and Bobby’s in one,” Mackey said.

Sam smiled and looked around. It really was starting to look like a proper place for hunters to crash at. “Not enough books and dirt for Bobby’s yet.”

Marty laughed and knocked his beer against Sam’s. “True enough. I swear the cleanest I ever saw Bobby’s was when your Daddy had dropped you off at his place again.”

Sam rolled his eyes, but still managed to smile softly. “That’s only ‘cause Bobby made me and- made us clean to keep us busy and away from the books depicting torture.”

“Oh, yeah. That sounds like Bobby!”

Himari, who up until then had only been nursing her tea silently, spoke up for the first time since she had stepped into Sam’s house. “What is the Roadhouse and Bobby’s?”

Mackey's cheerful expression fell and Sam too, who had been making all kinds of calls over the past weeks and should be used to it by now damn it, couldn’t stop his throat from closing up.

“That was before your time, kid,” Mackey replied. “The Roadhouse was the Hunter equivalent to a community center – a place to recover after or before a hunt. I swear, nobody ever managed to talk me out of a hunt before without even saying a word but Ellen. And Bobby was the meanest son of a bitch you could ever meet. You vaguely describe him your latest crazy, and he’d call you back within a day to tell you what the hell you’re facing and how to kill it. Also our go-to man if the authorities came calling. Without the two of them, the community’s shot to hell. Garth’s been picking up some slack, but he ain’t got time to teach anyone… That reminds me.”

Mackey picked his backpack up from the ground and rummaged through it until he found what he was looking for – a dirty sheet of paper apparently – and held it up victoriously.

“Here,” he said and gave it to Sam. “I got into contact with a couple Old Timers. Not sure if they’re on your contact list already, but they offered to help out with the huge influx of newbies so you’re not stuck handling all their questions.”

Sam scanned the list. A few names stuck out to him, but others he was only vaguely aware of or didn’t know at all.

“Thanks, Marty. I’ll give them a ring.”

X

When the Hillains asked for Sam’s help, he expected a little more “Could you be our back-up?” and less “Can we leave the kids with you for the week?” but Sam agreed anyway.

It was certainly an experience to have three kids running around for a week, but not one he minded. He had babysat couple times as a teenager to earn some extra cash, and the experience was familiar enough.

Besides, all three of them loved Riot and the dog was more than just happy about the extra attention.

X

Irv Franklin liked to think he was as good a man as a Hunter could be. Of course, he didn’t have utter faith in Sam Winchester, everybody knew the Winchesters messed around with Heaven and Hell and a whole lot of other things that shouldn’t be touched, but the kid was also Bobby’s kid.

And, really, everybody who actually cared about Bobby knew those two Winchester brats had been his whole world.

Tracy hadn’t wanted to come to Winchester’s place – called Agatha’s for some unfathomable reason – and Irv couldn’t blame her. He had told her she could stay in the motel, but she had decided to meet the man the demons had killed her family for.

From the outside, the house looked comfortable, not as militant as Irv had expected. Sam was kneeling on the porch, painting something on the windowsill. As soon as he spotted Irv and Tracy, he stood up.

“Irv! Good to see you.”

“Right back at you, Winchester,” Irv said and followed Sam inside.

The kid led Irv and Tracy into the kitchen and took a couple beers out of the fridge. “We only got beer and water right now,” he said apologetically.

Irv wondered who exactly we were, but didn’t ask. He had heard rumors about prophets, and everybody who went after demons knew that hell had been in an uproar lately. Sometimes it was better if you didn’t know anything.

“I did look into the killings you described,” Sam continued. “Couldn’t find anything directly, but the books in the living room contain everything I’ve got on ritualistic murders. Feel free to look through them, just don’t run off with them. One of the upstairs’ rooms is already occupied, but you can sleep downstairs in the basement if you want.”

Irv reached for one of the beers on the kitchen table. “Thanks, kid.”

They left two days later.

“He’s not really what I expected,” Tracy admitted carefully.

Maybe she could start to heal properly now.

Irv grimaced. “Winchesters rarely are.”

X

Sam’s study was a bit of a mess. Papers covered half the floor and whole books the other. Kevin kind of wanted to sigh in frustration, but that wouldn’t help anyone. Instead, he sat down on the ground next to Sam.

“Is everything alright?” Kevin asked, already knowing the answer.

Sam laughed bitterly, his ink-stained hands still brushing through Riot’s fur. “No, nothing’s alright. Just look at me, Kev, what am I doing? It’s been almost a year, and I still haven’t found a way to save him.”

Sam didn’t need to say out loud who he was talking about, it was as clear as day.

“I have only been wasting my time trying to- to-“

“Keep over two dozen hunters alive, researching about fifteen different things at the same time with more dedication than I ever put into my term papers despite my mom?” Kevin said drily. “Give yourself a break, Sam. You’re already doing more than humanly possible.”

“But it’s not enough!”

Sam’s outburst was not unexpected but that didn’t make it any more pleasant.

Kevin was used to it, though.

They kept themselves together well enough around others, but some things needed more than the duct tape they stuck onto their wounds.

“I want to visit my mom,” Kevin said into their silence. “I haven’t left the house in months and I think it’ll be safe enough. Just a quick trip. One last time.”

“Alright,” Sam agreed quietly.

Maybe this was healing. (Maybe it was giving up.)

X

Sam would never know.

Lazarus rose once more.

(Rinse. Rise. Repeat.)

[talldarkandroguesome]

11th of Hearthfire, Sundas

Well, there is no longer a mystery as to the cause of those merchants’ fate. WE met the cause face to face.

Frost trolls.

It should have been obvious that such was the reason. These two were particularly large and vicious, however. As soon as we came to the end of the pass, while we were still unable to escape the narrowness of the sharp rise of mountain at either side, we were beset from the front by the first.

We tried to head back the other way to give space and a chance to create some sort of formation, when another jumped down the mountain straight at us. There was little time to prepare in any fashion before those awful silver-blue arms reached out towards us, long claws rusted and stinking with the remains of rotten dried blood and entrails.

I drew my flames to myself immediately. Lyris and Sai Sahan rushed at the closest one, Abnur Tharn pulling out his staff and creating balls of flame to lob in the creature’s direction.

Er-Jaseen was rushing at the other one in the distance. Tel drew their bow and set about stringing it up. I knew I had to act fast. Even with the heavy set of blow after blow that Er-Jaseen laid upon it, the natural toughness of troll skin made it look as though little was being done to damage it at all. And before I had teleported to it, the beast had Er-Jaseen on the defensive with its heavy swings. I jumped in, sweeping my blade, which I set afire, in the troll’s direction.

It jumped up and pounded into the ground, a move I dodge with a jump of my own. But I was not so lucky as I attempted to plunge the sword into its throat, it turned suddenly, throwing a large rock in my direction. I managed to teleport back out of the way just in the nick of time. As I looked for another opening, the beast threw a mighty swing and knocked Er-Jaseen back. They flew backwards several paces, but maintained their footing.

Tel managed to get off a few shots. Most in the chest, but one hit the troll in the eye. The shot sent the troll into a rage and it leapt with unbelievable height and speed in their direction. I saw Tel’s bow flying as I turned and headed in that direction.

I could see Tel trying to keep it at bay as it swiped it’s large claws towards them. I heard a cry of pain as the beast’s paw connected squarely with Tel’s chest, throwing Tel off to the side.

I teleported the rest of the distance, holding my blades tightly as I threw myself onto the troll, plunging my dagger into the back of its head and my sword into its shoulder. I willed my flames to go around the front of the beast, covering its chest and neck.

It screamed horribly and thrashed, trying to throw me off and clawing at its own body as it ran through the pass with increased agitation.

Er-Jaseen  must have managed to step in at just the right moment, because I had to hold on with all my might as the troll toppled forward. I could smell not only the charring of flesh and hair, but also the stink of troll blood.

I twisted my blades and used the full weight of my body to tear through as much flesh as possible. Er-Jaseen joined, hacking at one of its arms. I set the other ablaze.

With a last horrible gurgling cry, the troll fell silent. We turned to see the others approaching, the first troll already dispatched in a pile of growing flames. I decided it would be best to do the same and after withdrawing my blades, I held out my hands and lit the whole beast on fire.

We made camp soon after. We made sure to actually find a place outside of the pass, just in case there were other trolls about. Or bandits. It does no good to be cornered in such a space no matter the enemy. So we hurried to the first open area and made sure we could tend to the injured.

Tel was not too badly hurt. The armor took some massive gashes, which Er-Jaseen says he can help tend to. Tel themself was bruised, with one small cut from the edge of a claw. I gave Tel a cure disease potion, just to be safe and they healed their wound. I worry I should have made more such potions. The claws of that creature were so coated in rotten entrails, if we encounter anything else even part so bad we will want more.

As for the others, Abnur Tharn, with his great skill in destruction magic was completely unscathed. Lyris had some bruises she seems proud of. But Sai Sahan...

It was a minor injury, but to his temple. As usual, this meant it bled a lot. Head wounds always do. He seemed a little bit shaken by the blow, though not enough that anyone sees it as cause for concern. Once it was healed and we took a short break, he seemed almost entirely recovered. Lyris said little, though the expression on her face makes me think it was unexpected to see him take a hit like that. Perhaps he is still suffering the effects of what happened in Coldharbor.

On the bright side, we are out of that narrow and dangerous pass. And Abnur Tharn even seemed a bit surprised about my use of magicka. He said something to me about how he might actually worry if more of the nobles in Cyrodiil were capable of diplomacy, swordsmanship, and magicka, though he doubts that any of them are good at even one. It was high praise for him. Of course, he made sure to insult my decision to use flame cloak instead of just a fireball, but he is not wrong either. Even if that particular line cut a bit deeper than most.

I wonder if I can find ways to pique his interest more. It is not only two days left before the Summoning Day for my Prince. I need new offerings to make. If I could only get that orgy to happen it would be a proper offering. If only that would be possible.

[carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich]

Aftermath

A drabble set after the defeat of the founders. See the end for more notes.

Carla wasn’t sure how long he’d spent in the dungeons, with only the wails of the Endzeit victims for company. Mercifully he’d had been granted his own cell, something perhaps owed to his title, sparing him at least from seeing the signs of the disease eating away at his people. He’d witnessed enough of it when visiting his mother to know he didn’t want to see anymore.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t hear them.

Desperate pleas to the guards, the cries of children to their parents and that wretched wet coughing.

More voices could be heard than when he had first been brought down here, evidence that the spread of the infection was by no means confined to cold, dark tunnels underneath the castle. But one was noticeably absent.

Carla’s hearing allowed him to recognize every voice, from the nobility to the servants, and there was one he knew better than any of the others. For a while after Carla had been confined here, he’d been able to hear his mother soothing those around her, interspersed by pained breaths.

He’d thought there could be little worse than listening to her suffer. Now he knew he was wrong. And even though every logical instinct in his brain told him the truth, it didn’t stop him from listening out for her, from hoping he was wrong.

But perhaps he’d forsaken any form of good fortune the day he turned his blade upon his father.

Every time Carla closed his eyes he could see the silver arc towards Giesbach, coated in something far worse than any poison. In the end, the wound had been relatively minor, at least against a founder, but it was a death sentence nonetheless.

And as he sat alone in his cell, a hateful voice whispered in his ear.

If you’d stabbed him in the heart, instead of acting like a coward then maybe you could have ended the war.

If you’d acted sooner, you could have prevented it entirely.

And then, perhaps the worst one.

If you had not raised a hand against your father, and had instead gone to the front lines you might have been able to win, but by being locked down here and weakening the King you’ve doomed them all.

Carla knew it would do no good to doubt his actions, there was nothing he could do to alter them now, but that didn’t stop the thoughts from hissing at him in the dark.

And then there was his other concern. In the dimness of his cell, the stain spread over the front of his white shirt could easily have been ink. It was only the smell that gave it away. 

His aunt had pleaded that he at least had his wounds tended to before being tossed to the stone floor of the dungeon, but the guards escorting him, stalwart supporters of his father, had dismissed her and warned that if she continued to voice her support of a traitor then she’d be joining him.

Carla himself had told her to leave it alone then. The wounds would heal and with the growing number of Endzeit victims beneath the castle, there was a high chance she would get infected too. 

And that was without considering the blood around his wound.

He’d known he had to be careful with the blade, his mother had told him as much, but it had become a lot more difficult to remember when facing down his father in combat. Giesbach was many things, but a poor swordsman was not one of them. 

The whole fight was something of blur, a flash of steel here, his father’s eyes burning with fury, and then a burst of pain across his abdomen. The injury was nothing he hadn’t experienced before, but if even a single drop of his mother’s blood had come into contact with it...

The sound of blood being coughed up filled his ears.

A grim fate, but one worthy of a traitor.

The sound of voices and footsteps snapped him out of his thoughts and Carla looked towards the bars of his cell. It was not uncommon for the guards to escort yet another luckless carrier of Endzeit into the dungeons, but this was different. The footsteps were hurried and numerous, clearly belonging to a group far larger than usually frequented below the castle.

“This way,” a call echoed out, and Carla recognized it as belonging to one of the many men who ought to have been under his command. The sound of boots on stone became louder, and soon flickers of torch light stained the dull grey walls with an orange glow. 

A figure entered the view of his cell, and promptly halted. 

"Prince Carla!" He exclaimed, before turning back to the rest of his party. "I've found him."

In a flurry of motion, a number of men Carla recognized gathered around the bars, while the one leading the group unlocked the door and proceeded to kneel before him.

Carla stood, and composed himself. He found it unlikely his father would have ordered his release, and it seemed too soon for the Endzeit to have done its work. A knot formed in the prince’s stomach as he took on the grim expression on some of the men's faces.

“What has happened?”

“We…” The man leading the party grimaces, eyes locked on the floor. “We have been defeated by Karlheinz. The remaining soldiers retreated to Banmaden and following that, a seal was placed on the castle, we can no longer leave the grounds."

The words hit like a blow and Carla stared at the man, wide-eyed. He’d known the war would end badly, but this… He’d never anticipated something like this.

“The King?”

“Alive. After the final battle, he lost most of his supporters and now we are finally able to free you. If only we’d done it sooner then maybe-”

“Enough, do not dwell on what cannot be changed. For now, I must speak with the King."

"As you wish my Prince, we will accompany you." The men stood clear of Carla's path, offering bows of their heads in respect to their Prince.

As Carla walked through the stone passageway, his eyes strayed towards a cell he had visited a number of times, looking for a flash of white hair and kind eyes. But the woman who’d read to him and cared for him as a child was nowhere to be seen.

He allowed himself only the walk from the cells to the steps leading up to the rest of the castle to mourn. It was a mercy, he supposed, to be spared of any further pain, and that was what he told himself as he wrapped his heart in ice and ascended the stairs to Banmaden. He had a duty to fulfill.

***   

The walk from the dungeons to the grand hall had been less than pleasant. The reaction of those Carla and his party encountered along the way varied from hopeful to outright resentment and hostility.

Carla ignored them all, for now he had to know the exact state of things and what the King intended to do about it.

The only thing that made him falter slightly was when he glanced outside of the window, catching sight of an unnaturally black sky, entirely absent of stars. The darkness was so vast and heavy that it felt as though it would swallow the castle whole. 

But he would not allow it to.

When Carla pushed open the heavy wooden doors, he found Shin and their father standing in the hall, discussing something with a haggard-looking soldier.

Behind his father stood two guards, both of which Carla recognized as being those who'd taken him down to the dungeons in the first place. He'd been informed on the way over that since their fight, the King never went anywhere without them.

"Brother!” Shin was the first to notice him, his expression of surprise shifting into one of suspicion as he took in the men behind Carla.

Giesbach turned, face twisting with rage the moment he set eyes on his son.

“You,” he spat.

One of the men behind him stepped forward, but Carla dismissed him with a wave of his hand. Even his father knew better than to fight him now.

A heavy silence pressed over the room, and although he knew he should ask about the battle and their apparent confinement to Banmaden. Something else weighed upon his tongue.

“Mother is dead."

For a brief moment, some flicker of emotion entered the old King’s eyes, one that Carla could not remember seeing before. But then it vanished as quickly as it had appeared, replaced with the cruel gaze Carla was so familiar with.

“That woman was dead to me the moment she opposed me,” his father said, voice devoid of remorse. Carla took a moment to glance at Shin out of the corner of his eye, gauging his response to news. His brother hadn’t made any efforts to visit her in the dungeons and with Shin’s loyalty towards their father, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t hold the same opinion.

His brother remained quiet. He didn’t meet Carla’s gaze but nor did he did look visibly distressed.

Something ached in Carla’s chest, threatening to break his earlier promise. At least one of them should grieve for her, Krone deserved that much. 

Giesbach took in the number of men standing with Carla. 

"It seems my house is full of traitors."

"No good will come of fighting between ourselves now." The oldest Prince forced himself to meet his father's gaze as he spoke. "I've been told of the seal on the castle, what of the efforts to break it?"

The King curled his hand into a fist, nails digging into his palms and Carla was struck by how tired and old his father looked. Was it the Endziet or...

"Karlheinz must have allied with Burai, that damned snake!" He hissed, before saying, more quietly, "the barrier will not break."

Carla turned to the men behind him. "Gather everyone in the castle with a high level of magic and have them meet in front of the castle. We will combine our power in an effort to tear down the seal." 

The man who'd freed Carla from his cell, bowed his head and turned to leave along with the rest of the party.

"Who are you to give orders around here? Especially now," the King said, standing tall and reeking of authority.

Carla mustered himself before speaking. "This is the next rational course of action if you have already tried to break the seal yourself."

Giesbach met his gaze and held it, tension thick in the air. Finally, the King folded and looked to Shin. "Go with them, make sure this isn't simply a ruse to gather those who would quarrel with me." 

"But…" Shin glanced between his father and brother, seeming to remember what happened the last time they'd been alone together.

"Go Shin, you will be needed as well." Acknowledgement from Carla apparently made up his mind and with a final glance at Giesbach's guards, the younger founder left the room, following Carla supporters.

A silence fell over them, as Giesbach took in his traitorous son.

"If you had gone to the battlefields with that level of decisiveness, instead of acting against your King, none of this would be necessary." For all the physical blows his father had bestowed over the years, this one, by far stung the most. 

Without giving him a chance to respond, Giesbach motioned to his guards with a wave of his hand and made to leave the hall.

As he walked past him, the First Blood King leaned close enough to speak into Carla’s ear. 

“You’ve ruined us.” 

And with that Carla was left alone in the room, light from the chandelier gleaming off of the golden floor. He thought of the parties his parents held here, the music, dancing and laughter. But no matter how bright the memories were, the darkness and sounds of the dungeons flickered in his mind, eating away at the grandeur of it all.

And no matter how much he assured himself of his actions, some part of him feared his father was right.

A quick note: In Shin’s DF route, it’s established that after Carla fought Giesbach,he was imprisoned. The founders then lost the war and Carla was freed by some people who supported him. 

Anyway, my sincere apologies for the lack of writing recently. I’ve been busy with Uni work, among other things, and my interests have drifted more into BNHA recently.

I didn’t plan to write this, I just had the idea for it and forced myself to sit down and work it on so I’d finally have something for you guys.  Hope you enjoyed it!

[inikavulpixelreviews]

Let’s Talk About Pokemon - Galarian Meowth and Perrserker

Okay, change of plans. Since it is now mid-January; two whole months after the dang games have come out and we STILL don't have good and high-quality official artwork, I'm gonna have to make due with the middling quality scans we have at the moment. Especially since SwSh are now getting DLC updates that are introducing even more new Pokemon. Though I'm gonna wait on the DLC to come out before I go over those.

I had also said something about the reviews having a little more “oomph” this time around. That's sadly not gonna be happening like I thought it was. I WAS gonna go full-on animation critic since animations have become such a big deal to Pokemon lately and judge all the noteworthy animations the Pokemon have, but sadly all the sprite resources I usually use don't have such things uploaded as of yet. And I can't find them out in the wild cause good luck googling “Sword and Shield/Gen 8 Animations” without just finding a giant wall of that goddang gif of Scorbunny using Double Kick. But it might be something I might come back to in the future, anyways. I'll still point out some nice animations if I happen to have decent gifs of them.

I will also be putting a bit more effort into analyzing these designs either way. Especially when we get to the completely new Pokemon. Doing a personal project that involves designing a LOT of my own monsters has seen me pay a lot more attention to smaller details and such. With me for the most part getting more in-depth about the designs of these things, I'm gonna move to a thrice-a-week schedule. Once on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

FINAL BIT: The order of operations here. We'll be touching on Galarian forms first (obviously), including their new regional evolutions. After we're done with them, we'll hit on the Gigantamax forms of pre-existing Pokemon, and then once we've reviewed Gigantamax Melmetal, we can finally move onto Gen 8 itself with Grookey.

ANYWAY

Galarian Meowth:

Ahhh, feels good to just review a single Pokemon again. Today we're starting our Galarian adventures with none other than the new batch of regional variants! Would you get a load of that cat!! It's quite a step up from Meowth's Alolan counterpart, which was little more than a recolor. This crazy new spin on our old friend sports what is reasonable to assume a big fluffy coat over its body. But if you were to turn this Pokemon to its backside...

Nah, that's no fluff. It's a stinkin BEARD. Talk about a facelift! Indeed, a lot of the regional variants this time around feel a lot more differing from their original selves. Alolan Regionals definitely suffered from a little too many of them just boiling down to being a different color with some extra bits added on here and there. Galar opts to be a bit more adventurous with the concept. Meowth's whole attitude shifted here! Easily my favorite part about it are those big yellow eyes and that wide, toothy grin that makes it look like a mini-Totoro.

So, what type is the bearded, gray-tinged Meowth then? None other than Steel, OBVIOUSLY. Nah, that one caught me off guard when I first found out about it. It's definitely a type that makes more sense after it evolves, but it could still at least make sense for a Meowth given the emphasis on the coin on its forehead. Though the Pokedex states that the way Galarian Meowth came to be was Meowth sailing the seas on boats hardened its fur, turning it into the Steel type. I know Pokedex states some pretty sketch pseudoscience but even THAT seems like a hilarious stretch.

So like, is a regional variant of Meowth going to become a new tradition in the same vein as every generation having a Pika-clone? I can't say I'd mind it, honestly. While Meowth is from Gen 1 and Gamefreak is notorious with shouting out Gen 1 all the time, I feel like Meowth has just enough of a downplayed popularity that it doesn't feel overly egregious to do this as say, booting out Venusaur and Blastoise but Charizard not only returns but gets a whole new dang form to go with it. I just hope it won't mean no more new feline Pokemon, or that other feline Pokemon are being bullied out of getting their own regional variants. Just saying, Glameow and Purrloin could REALLY use a fresh coat of paint.

But either way, it'd help bolster the number of cat species represented in Pokemon as a whole too. There's countless domestic cat breeds that could all see some fun interpretations if you just took those animals and turned them into a different shape of Meowth. Meowth on its own is just a solid cat design, y'know?

863: Perrserker

Galarian Meowth, shock of all shocks, doesn't actually evolve into a Galarian Persian at all, but instead becomes an entirely new Pokemon, Perrserker! And do I adore this concept. The idea of giving past generations Pokemon new evolutions (neverminding Sylveon) hasn't been seen since Gen 4 over a decade ago. Regional evolutions is a really neat way to bring the idea back! And in a way that grants so much more room to still be able to create future iterations. It feels like every Pokemon that has an original form that's much nicer than its evolution now has a second chance at getting a better evolution to its name.

But even so, wow this Pokemon in particular feels. Weird. Weirder than all the other Regional Evos this gen. After years on top of years on top of years of knowing Meowth evolves into Persian, not only do we get a new split evolution. But said split evolution rather than looking ANYTHING like Persian at all elects to be Bigger Meowth. The other Galarian form that turns into a split-evo, Yamask into Runerigus, you COULD reasonably mistake Runerigas for just being Galarian Cofagrigus. Which only makes Perrserker look even funnier to me from a metacontextual level. Is that just me? Might be, I dunno.

Admittedly Perrserker had to grow on me. My main turn-off was the fact that it very clearly has lost its ears, and replaced them with a metal helmet with stereotypical viking horns. It's so unsubtle they even just up and call it a “Viking Pokemon” in its classification. (Though note, vikings never actually wore helmets with horns on them due to how hilariously impracticable they are in battle. But pop culture is a powerful beast, so horned helmets be the signifier for vikings.)

And to solidify its design together, it has retractable claws, but when the claws are extended they become sword-like and merge into one. AND of course, Perrserker gets its name from Berserker, a class of viking with a particular bloodlust caused by a lack of empathy and a drunken rage. Clearly shown in how its attack animations feature its eyes rolling into the back of its head. One last little detail bringing it all together is how it has tufts of fur on its arms and legs, not unlike viking warriors who wore fur this way for obvious keep-warm reasons.

In the end, it's A LOT to get used to, and the lack of ears still puts me off somewhat. If it were me making a viking version of Meowth like this, I'd probably put ear holes ON said horns or something, but whatever. I'll probably just get used to it. But I do like the design in the end. Its face is great and is yet another Pokemon  that is unfairly called “ugly” even though that's the point of some of these things. Not all animals are pretty, cute, or cool! Some are just downright unappealing looking and that's fine.

I do also like that it's a Pokemon with a more lowkey color scheme. Not that I think the majority of Pokemon being bright and colorful is a bad thing but color schemes like these definitely feel like a minority these days.

A solid pair, overall! Certainly takes a lot of unsuspected turns, but I like that direction when approaching regional variants. It’s like a whole new flavor of Meowth!

Personal Score: 8/10