#originally i was going to put fuck but i tried to be PG

[crimsonlovebartylus]

imagine murder husband bartylus making a plan to kill bartemius, walburga and orion AND making out cover in their blood and next to the bodies since their relationship was sinful.

[natashascumslut]

LOUD. Wanda maximoff x fem reader

SUMMARY: Your need for Wanda suddenly gets stronger, and she finally decides to do something about it.

WARNINGS: Smut 18+! MDNI, Top!Wanda, Bottom!Reader, Thigh riding (R), Strap-on (R), Praise kink, Strap-on referred to as ‘cock’.

a/n- This was originally gonna be longer but i lost interest lmao. Not proofread!

You needed Wanda. it was sudden and intense. It wasn't the first time you'd thought of the witch in... not-so-PG ways. But this was different, it wasn't like when you couldn't sleep, and thoughts of Wanda creeped into your mind. This was need, and it was strong. And you also just so happen to be walking down the street after doing a bit of grocery shopping.

The feeling had hit you like a bus, creeping all over you, leaving goosebumps in its tracks, before settling between your legs. You rushed back, desperate to get rid of it. But, to your luck, the exact woman you were just thinking about was standing in the kitchen of the compound, you cursed under your breath. She turned to greet you, but stopped when she noticed your flushed cheeks and hurried movements.

"Are you okay?" She asked, and you nodded quickly, your eyes not meeting hers. You put things away, trying your hardest to be casual, but your mind was wandering. You felt her eyes on you, burning into your skull, and it wasn't making any of this easier. You put the bag you were carrying the groceries in away and sent a tight-lipped smile in Wanda's direction, before leaving the cramped space; it was an open kitchen, looking over the living space with floor to ceiling windows, but it felt cramped when it was only you and Wanda in there. You rushed up to your room, closing the door behind you and taking a second to breathe.

You stared at your bed, contemplating. It was the middle of day, you couldn't just... get off, someone might call you in for a mission or a meeting, you might be needed, someone might walk in; you reached behind you and locked your door.

A soft thump sounded the otherwise quiet room as your head fell back against the door, the aching between your legs hadn't stopped, in fact it'd somehow gotten stronger. You didn't know what to do, but luckily a knock on the door decided your fate, you were going to be asked to join a meeting, and by the time it was over you would feel okay again—

Wanda was standing on the other side of the door, a playful smile tugging at her lips.

"Hey." She said casually, peeking behind you into your room. "Mind if i come in?" You nodded instinctively, but internally cursed yourself, her being in here would only worsen things. You stepped aside as you tried your hardest to get words out of you. She stepped in and the door was closed, the room suddenly felt cramped. You stared at her back, you should move, do something.

"Your thoughts are loud." Shit. "What?" Finally, words! You couldn't see her face, her back still turned to you, but you could hear the smirk in her voice as she spoke. "I said; your thoughts are loud." She turned around, your heart skipped a beat. Maybe, if it skipped a few more beats, you would die and you wouldn't have to be in this situation anymore. That's what you hoped would happen atleast. She stepped closer, your heartbeat got louder.

Fuck, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck- "Calm down." Her voice was quiet as her hand came in contact with your jaw, holding it in place. "Please stop reading my mind." You pleaded, you didn't like it, not one bit. Your thoughts were yours and yours only, you didn't want her poking about in there. "Please." Her grip on your jaw loosened, and her eyes had softened; she had stopped, thank god.

She stared at you for a second, seemingly deciding her next words. "How about i help you out?" She said quietly, her eyes scanning your face for any signs of.. well, anything. It was hard for her to know what you were feeling when she wasn't in your mind with you. You let yourself nod weakly because frankly, you needed her too much to protest. And even if you didn't, you still wouldn't. You'd been pinning after the witch for months now, caught up in everything her. "I'm gonna need words of confirmation, pretty girl." She whispered, but her tone had changed, it almost matched the amount of need you were feeling in your body, almost.

"Yes, please Wanda." Your voice was weak, pathetic and Wanda relished in it, she had known how you felt for awhile now, since you never made much effort to quiet your mind around her, but hearing it from you made it so much... better.

Her hands found your waist, you could hear your heartbeat in your ears, pounding. "Yeah? You need me to help you out?" She purred in a whisper, this definitely wasn't helping your building arousal. You nodded, your eyes darkening. She spun you around so quickly you were pretty sure you got whiplash, but that was the least of your worries right now, because the witch you so desperately needed was leading you towards your bed. She sat herself down, and pulled your tense figure into her lap, straddling her.

"Mh, you're so tense." She hummed, her hands running up and down your thighs. "I'll make you feel better, darling." lord. Her eyes moved from your lips back up to your eyes. "Would you like that?" You'd never seen her so confident before, most likely because she knew she was in control, she knew you wanted this. But that didn't stop it from being insanely attractive. "Yeah." You breathed out, surprised you even managed to talk. She smirked, her face inching closer to yours. You mentally cursed yourself for being so out of it, god she had such a hold on you.

You finally gained an ounce of consciousness and surged the rest of the way till her soft lips were on yours. Your body relaxed into hers and you're pretty sure you let out a moan, because in a matter of seconds she was gripping your hips and pulling you in impossibly closer, her warm body flush against yours. You weren't sure if it was your heartbeat you were feeling, or hers. "Wanda." You whined as your hips unintentionally rutted forward on her thigh, she pulled back, smirking at you. "So needy." She said, her bottom lip lodged between her teeth. Her hands stayed firmly on your hips as she slowly started guiding you to grind down on her thigh, making you gasp. Even with the layers of fabric between you and her thigh, you still felt it.

Her lips trailed across your jaw till they landed on your neck, pressing firm kisses to the length of it as soft whimpers tumbled out your lips. You felt her suck at the soft skin of your neck, forcing a moan out of you. "No marks." You warned breathlessly, but she made no effort to stop. "Wanda." She groaned, stopping. She'd already made a mark, but you didn't really care if you were honest. Your hips moved faster, with her help. But were immediately halted the second you felt something poking at your clothed cunt. She held back a chuckle as she watched your face turn in confusion, a wide smirk playing at her lips.

"I came prepared." She hummed, clearly happy with herself. You raised an eyebrow, panting slightly. Your breath hitched when her hands wrapped around your upper arms, pulling you flush against her yet again. "If you like riding my thigh so much.." She started in a whisper, her warm breath fanning over your ear. "How about you ride me?" You whimpered at her words alone, a shiver coursing the entire length of your body. "Mhm." Was all you could physically get out, a pathetic hum.

It was funny, really. Every time you thought of the witch, you were in control of the situation. But here you were, rendered useless under her gaze. "Yeah, would you like that?" She said under her breath, the heat of the situation clearly getting to her aswell. You nodded pathetically. "Please, Wanda. Let me ride you." You whined, your hands on her shoulders. Her cheeks dusted a light shade of pink as her eyes darkened, immediately pulling you in for a firm yet passionate kiss, pawing at your shirt as you gasped quietly into her mouth. You helped her pull the thin fabric over your head, blushing as you felt exposed.

It didn't take long for your bra to disappear too, disregarded onto the floor with your shirt. A stuttered moan mixed with your heavy breaths as Wanda latched her lips to your nipple, her teeth tugging at it. Your fingers tangled in her soft hair, holding her in place as your back arched, pushing your chest into her. A satisfied groan vibrated against your body, and a unsatisfied whimper left it when Wanda pulled back, a dazed expression on her face as she grinned smugly up at you. "Please." You said huskily, you needed her inside you now. She gently pushed you off her lap, leaving you to stand up on your wobbly legs. She snickered as she watched you trip over your own feet as you tried to keep your balance, before standing up completely straight, blushing.

"I've barely touched you, baby." She teased, her hands finding your bare waist. You avoided eye contact, panting gently. Her fingered trailed down your waist, till they were at the button of your jeans. You watched with heavy eyes as she undid it, sliding the denim down your legs. You felt it was unfair you were almost completely naked, while she was fully dressed. You pouted, grabbing the collar of her shirt and pulling her into you, before stripping the fabric off her body with her help. You ogled at her covered chest until she forced you to look back up at her. Her lips found yours again, and she was stepping out of her jeans. You whimpered as your eyes came in contact with the strap on firmly harnessed to her hips, she smirked smugly.

You pushed her back on to the bed, and she moved up it till her head was on the pillows. She watched as you stripped of the last piece of clothing covering you, a low groan emitted for her lips. You crawled ontop of her, settling on her thighs, right in front of the strap. You stared at it for a second, before moving your eyes back up to hers. "Come on, baby. Aren't you going to be a good girl and ride me, like i know you want to." She husked as her hands found your hips, using it to her advantage to guide you up till you were hovering above the silicone. You whined, the tips of your fingers pressing into her stomach as you tried to steady yourself. It didn't take long before you were sinking down onto it, a loud whimper of her name following the action.

You had never felt so exposed, completely on display, but you were too focused on the witches strap buried deep inside you to care. "Fuck." The breathless curse made you look up at her, her attention was focused solely on your cunt. "You look so pretty on my cock, baby. Such a pretty slut for me." You whined at her words, your hips grinding down on the toy. Your hands landed on her shoulders as your hips moved back and forth, your head hanging between your arms as you breathed heavily. She grunted as your nails dug into the soft skin of her shoulders, and her hands on your hips made you move faster.

"Fuck, Wanda." You whined as your clit rubbed against her lower stomach, adding to the stimulation the toy was already giving you.

"Such a slut for me, hm?" She growled under her breath, her hand wrapping around your throat made your head move back up, looking her dead in the eye as you whimpered weakly. "Mhm, all yours— Fuck!— all yours." She hummed happily at your answer. Your grinding got faster until you decided it wasn't enough for you. You lifted yourself up till the halfway point of the strap, before falling back down. Wanda groaned.

"Keep doing that, baby. Fuck, you take my cock so well, such a good girl." She husked, making you whine. You did as you were told, your skin hitting hers everytime you slammed back down. "Wanda, Please." You moaned, scratching at her shoulders. She got impatient, seeing you ontop of her like this was making her head feel fuzzy. Her fingers dug into her waist as she started thrusting up into you, copying the movements of your hips. "Fuck!" You moaned loudly, your head falling back as your eyes screwed shut. Your moans started coming out in 'ah, ah, ah.' as she pounded up into you, desperate to make you cum.

"Wanda— please, i'm close." You whined, your eyes focused on her face. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her mouth open in deep breaths as she stared at the way your cunt was swallowing the strap as she pushed her hips up. "Yeah?" She breathed, not eyes not moving. "Is my slut gonna cum for me, hm? All over my cock?" She said shakily, her own arousal dripping down her thighs. "Mhm, please."

You moans became high pitched and breathy as she focused solely on making you cum. "Beg for it, like the good girl you are." Her eyes finally moved up to your face, and she swore she could've came just from the sight of your pleasured expression. "Please, Wanda. Please let me cum, i'll be good— i'll be your good slut, please i need it." You got out between moans, her hips somehow moving faster. Just as you thought it couldn't get any better, one of her hands loosened its strong grip on your waist and started rubbing circles around your clit. "Cum for me, baby." And you did, and it was intense. Your moans were loud and broken, and your eyes had rolled back so far she could barely see them anymore.

She helped you ride out your high with the thrusts of her hips before stopping completely, setting you back down on her strap. She sat up, wrapping her arms around you as you collapsed into her body. "Fuck." You panted out, your head on her shoulder. You whined in sensitivity as you shifted slightly, feeling the toy that was still buried inside of you move. "You did so good for me baby, so good." You nodded weakly, your eyes closed as you panted against her shoulder.  "I wanna-" You started, out of breath. "I wanna make you feel good."

You whined, lifting your head back up when you finally got your breath back. One of her eyebrows quirked up, a smirk spreading across her lips. "Yeah? You wanna be a good girl and return the favour?" She hummed, so desperate to have you between her legs. You nodded, your eyes heavy. You put your hands on either side of her face and pressed your lips to hers, whining as her tongue slipped past your lips. She helped you off the toy, and you led back on the bed, your breath coming out in heavy pants. You turned to her when you heard her hum happily. "Your mind is a lot quieter." She said, her voice cocky. "Wanda!" You whined, playfully hitting her shoulder. She rolled her eyes with a grin.

[paradox-time]

@basil-does-arttt

Heeeeyyyy, thanks for giving me an excuse to ranttt <3<3

Ok so, I saw a post of yours that was something like "what about gortash do fans find appealing?”

I'm going to try my best to answer why some of us are fans of this Absolute Shitbag (pun intended)

Some of my credentials, I've played the game for over 700 hours over about 4 months, seen, made, and interacted with tons of fan content and talked about it at length with other fans and unwilling friends. I make it my job to know every single scrap of Lore the game has to offer, going to stupid lengths to read all the books and letters hidden throughout the game, I also savescum the hell out of dialog options so I don't miss any exposition. I've played a tav twice and a dark urge 8 times, plus started but never finished other origin playthroughs.

Safe to say. I am deranged. (Yay hyperfixation)

Anyway, Enver Gortash is one of my favorite villains in fiction. This does not, in any way, mean that I admire or excuse any of his actions. I don't find him handsome or charming. He isn't redeemable or even likable in any capacity as a person.

The entire main theme of the game is whether or not the characters perpetuate the cycle of abuse or break it. You see that with Astarion, he either kills Cazador and forges his own future as a freed spawn, or ascends, and becomes someone who is just as bad and abusive as Cazador. You see it with Shadowheart in whether she chooses to live a life under Shar's cruel influence, or leave her past behind her and embrace Selúne. You see it in Gale and whether he ascends to Godhhood and is nothing like the kind and inquisitive person he once was, or leaves Mystra and his life as an archmage behind to live a life of quiet comfort where he can follow his passions and teach people like he should have been taught instead of isolating students like how mystra and elminster isolated him.

Many more examples blah blah blah

Ok, a lot of people (wrongly) try to justify and apologize for everything gortash has done by pointing at his backstory like a gotcha thing.

Gortash's parents sold him into slavery when he was very young to pay off their debts. The person who then raised and owned Gortash was none other than the ultimate slimeball, Raphael the Cambion. In this environment, Gortash grew incredibly bitter and started to worship Bane, the god of Tyranny, Dictatorship, Strife, and Subjugation. This was because he believed he was owed power over others for everything he was put through. He then becomes a slave trader, selling Karlach to Zariel is one notable example, a war profiteer and arms dealer, he keeps the families of his prisoners held hostage in an underwater prison that was rigged to explode and then subsequently flood if any of his factory staff tried to escape. His workers were also made to wear fucking bomb collars. He sews bigotry in the general public by not letting refugees in the city and controlling the media (newspapers and posters). His entire goal and religious doctrine is founded on the belief that it is his divine right to control and oppress people.

It has been so freaking long since I've found a piece of media that had an actual villain, but still kept said villain's story and motives interesting! Lots of modern media really tries to go the formulaic propaganda villain route. “Character A wants to do the right thing. Character B wants to do the right thing but does it in a BAD and DiSrUpTiVe way!! Gasp!! Villain!” I think it's supposed to endorse and enforce moral superiority of centrists, yuck. but that's a Different Tangent™.

I feel like there are a lot of fans that think that in order to like a character, they have to be morally palatable and pg or whatever. I see lots of fans that can't fathom liking a character that is genuinely evil and a bad person. So they just. Ignore the entire central point of the character.

Gortash sucks ass. If I met him in real life I would beat his ass into the dirt. But he isn't real. And fiction, especially interactive fiction, is an amazing way to explore darker themes in a safe and controlled environment. This is amazing for dozens of reasons, including exploration of catharsis.

I like Gortash because he amazing as a Villain. His story is super connected to the themes of the game. His acting is done with so much care and talent from the production team at Larian.

Fans who fawn over and woobify him. Umm. Do better. Get media literate please. No hate, love all the gortash content, especially in relation to the Dark Urge's story line. But please stop pretending he isn't as bad as he is. That's one of the main things I find compelling about him as a story device in the first place. You can like evil characters because they're fake.

Ummm conclusion…. Yeah. I like Gortash because he makes a fun story.

[dmwrites]

They’d made Jimmy smaller again.

Jimmy stood fuming and yelling up at his friends, demanding they return him to his normal height this instant. He was fully aware that he was now only a few pixels tall now, maybe a block tall at best. His friends were laughing, cooing over him, ruffling his hair with one finger. They called him a little doll and tried to pick him up. Jimmy eventually evaded their hands and flew off, back towards Tumble Town.

“Ugh! If only I knew how to make myself big again!” Jimmy moaned to himself. He kicked around Tumble Town, unable to reach half of the doorknobs and not having a very nice time. Finally, he decided to have a nice, calm strip mining session. There were no short jokes in the mines.

And strip mine he did. Days passed, but Jimmy just kept pushing forward in a straight line, through lava and water and diamonds. It felt good to be able to break the stones like he did, get away from the surface of Empires for a while. The monotony of mining was so relaxing.

Well, relaxing until Jimmy mined into another one by one tunnel. Jimmy turned to look behind him, and then in front of him. He’d only been digging in a straight line, and no one else was small like him.

“What on earth?” Jimmy whispered, stepping forward into the other tunnel.

“Who the fuck are you?”

Jimmy screamed as a small blue being stepped out of a tunnel that branched out from the one he stood in. The blue guy was about Jimmy’s size, with fluffy wings and a sword in his hands.

“Oh my word- please, you winged man, quiet your curses around me, I’m a pg channel.” Jimmy cried. “And please don’t kill me, I am just a small guy!”

The blue man’s mouth fell open in surprise. “Sorry, what the fu- oh you mean the like pg as in, okay, I see, whatever. Uh, what the frick are you doing here, and why the fu- frick do you look like Woody from Toy Story?”

Jimmy sighed, rubbing his hand across his forehead in annoyance. “I am not a toy. I am the sheriff! My name is Jimmy, nice to meet you, I suppose. Please do not call me a toy again or I will kill you.”

The blue guy squinted at Jimmy as if making a series of moral decisions. He took out his sword at one point, then put it away. “It’s a damn good thing you seem harmless, bro. I’m Sneeg. What the hel- fuc- what are you doing in my tunnel, dude? Where did you even come from?”

“Oh, well, this is my tunnel!” Jimmy said, indicating behind him. “I was strip mining, and it opened up into all of this! I am just as surprised as you are, frankly!”

“Yeah, it’s not every day you find a tiny man cosplaying a cop in your tunnels.” Sneeg replied.

“I am a sheriff, not a cop, whatever that is.” Jimmy said. “And I am not small! We are the same height.”

“Right, but you totally have short energy.” Sneeg replied. ���But, like, whatever, it’s chill. Uh, well, welcome to the Origins server, I guess.”

“Origins?” Jimmy asked, confused. “No, no, I’m on the Empires server. That’s where I started my strip mine, anyway.”

“Well, partner, looks like you dug so far you ended up in a whole other server. So why don’t you stay a while?” Sneeg said, patting Jimmy on the back. “Listen, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve met someone smaller- I mean the same height- as me. Let’s go terrorize people or something, it’ll be funny. We short kings gotta stick together, make tall people regret everything.”

Jimmy puffed out his chest. “Well, Mr. Sneeg, I could not agree more with your outlandish ideas of terrorizing those taller then us. Maybe I need to emulate you, make my friends back on Empires respect me and the law.”

“Totes, man.” Sneeg said. “Come on, let’s go fuck some shit up.”

“My goodness! Sneeg, please, again with the language!”

“Huh, funny, you sound a bit like an old friend of mine…”

[faultycal-culat0r]

fnaf au pt2: electric boogaloo

i literally copy pasted this from my notes OAHAHAHAH

What I remember from the old one (since it disappeared from my notes for some reason):

It was a Phonemike centered AU

Tattoo/Flower Shop cliche thing

William and Henry still run the diner, they’re gonna be running it till they can’t (or until Liz and Evan kick them out)

Mike was supposed to take over the diner, but he had a different dream of running his own flower shop, so Liz and Evan would take it over

P.G. ran his own tattoo parlor

Implied Willry

(This original “AU” was literally made as a joke n only reason im rewriting it is cause im not really even friends with them anymore 💀)

REWRITE:

Willry CANON. Not just implied. Those old men are QUEER

William got a divorce around the time the diner first opened, around the time he would’ve killed the kids. Instead, Henry helped him through it, having gone through one himself beforehand.

Elizabeth and CHARLIE, will be taking over the diner. They’ve been best friends since childhood (practically sisters considering their dads fucking yk)

Evan isn’t afraid of the diner anymore, but he gets a little squeamish around the animatronics. He is an adult now, after all.

Mike did not want to take over the diner, as he has other dreams in mind, but he still works at the diner, in hopes to stay with his family.

The animatronics are not possessed. No children died. They have malfunctioned before, but it was nothing special. No one got hurt.

Mike did bully his brother. It was all for attention, as this was around the time his father was going through the divorce, and he was paying less attention to them all. Michael acted out for attention, as did Elizabeth too.

Once the prank with Fredbear came around, one of his friends brought up the idea. He went along with it, thinking they’d just lift him up close to him. Once they tried stuffing his head in Fredbear’s mouth, he snapped and screamed at them. He brought Evan to the backroom and gave him a snack to calm him down. Neither of them told William.

After the prank, Michael stopped hanging around with his friends, instead spending more time with his family. 

As an adult, every month or two the old gang gets back together and hangs out, just like old times. Mike realized they were all just stupid teenagers at the time, and forgave them.

Anytime any of the kids needed to go anywhere, they’d all pile up in Mike’s crappy ass car and drive around town, getting everything they needed to do done.

After Mike stopped spending time with his friends, he met this kid. His name was PG, and he had a phone for a head. At least, that’s what he claimed. He thought the kid was weird, and he avoided him at first. Though, they always seemed to meet up in strange situations. They were always sort of awkward, but in a comfortable way.

They met up years later, when they were both adults, at the diner. PG had applied for a job there, and had been working under Henry to learn to manage and clean the animatronics. Mike was baffled when he walked into work to find his father, and instead found PG covered in dirt and oil and working on Fredbear.

They had a casual reunion, which left Michael as the more awkward one whereas PG was casual and happy to see him.

Basically Michael gay moment real

PG’s name is actually Percy Granger. He finds his name stupid, and instead calls himself PG.

Michael nicknamed him ‘Printer Guy’ after an incident where the diner printer spat ink at him. (not my idea but I loved it so had to put it in. thx m)

Everyone assumes ‘PG’ stands for Phone Guy, considering the giant phone on his head. He finds it annoying, but doesn’t bother to correct anyone anymore.

the established timelines and more background info on each of the characters will probably come next. holding off on designs for a bit

[kiefbowl]

Not the same anon but re : HIMYM. My god. My god I could write a book on the horrid misogyny in this goddamn show. The waving away that Barney is a fucking rapist (rape by deception). The fact that lily went from aspiring artist to breeding housewife to marshal, who of course got to fulfill all of his dreams as a judge while she stays at home, unfulfilled. Ted who is the most boring mediocre man of all time yet expects his perfect little wife to be perfect in every way.

I could BARF anytime I think back on this show

It's actually fascinating to me re: Marshall/Lily that the writers seemed to lose interest in their drama and conflicts. I think one of the big reasons HIMYM was lauded in the first season and really gave it an oomph in the second was the fact that Lily leaves Marshall! It not something typically done in a sitcom, it was very compelling writing and it paralleled nicely with Ted/Robin's story (not only because they got together, but because we the audience know that Marshall and Lily are quote unquote soulmates, and Ted and Robin are not...at least at the time of writing it).

The story role of Marshall/Lily and Barney switch places at some point. The pathos of Barney's character truly doesn't matter in the first two and a half seasons. He's comic relief, he's player C for the B-plot. Very normal in a sitcom, you have five main players so you can pair two characters in the A plot (or the B plot sometimes), and the other 3 characters are doing the B-plot (or sometimes the A plot). One of the five tends to be, you know, the goof guy. He's not integral to the main over arching story, he comes in to be an imp and cause mischief and be a catalyst for some mayhem. Barney is clearly specifically written in that archetype from the very beginning. Now as sitcoms go on, these "fifth guys" do tend to have their role expanded and we will get more insight into the drama of their lives. They rarely get to be "promoted" as Barney did, even if they are a huge break-out character, like Barney was. Sometime the "fifth guy" is so break-out they become the main character, but that tends to make the sitcom very zany!! We're going to sea world! We're going to SPPPAAACE!!! etc. Barney wasn't made the lead, but his story was promoted. Marshall and Lily's dramas were then demoted.

This was a mistake, because Marshall and Lily were given a lot of story lines that weren't appropriate for Ted but fit into the theme of the show (the theme being "how are you still growing up in your 30s in the 2000s"). When should we have a family, what are our careers going to be, what have we lost by being each other's "only ones", did we choose New York, debt...these were interesting story beats for a sitcom.

I also have a conspiracy the writers were secretly torturing Jason Segel. They didn't actually care about Ted and Robin, they just wanted to make PG Saw Traps for Jason Segel. At some point the writers said "fuck our original vision, I personally want to make Jason Segel suffer." In season 8 they made him break the fourth wall (a thing they only did ONCE before to great effect) like six times already!!!! They want to kill that man!!! They wanted Jason Segel to die!!! They made Jason Segel show up to set at gun point and then gave him a doo doo garbage script on purpose!!!

Joking aside, yes it's atrocious they didn't use Marvin (the baby) as a jumping off point for Lily's career story. We had to spend time farting around about Barney getting a dog wing man (painfully unfunny) instead of spending some time with Lily's anxieties again (it's been well established and set up!!) that becoming a mother has put her that further out of reach of her art career. Again, haven't finished, but I don't think they really go back to this story beat.

only theory that makes sense is that they wanted Jason Segel to jump off a cliff and tried their hardest by making the most dookie hot garbage scripts they could think of.

[soapdish290]

On page 164, the 7th RB / Varun / Judith under the madness speaks to Nona alone and says:

 “Dust of my dust—such similar star salt—what they did to you and what they wrung from you and what shape they made you fill—we see you still—we seek you still—we murdered—we who murder—you inadvertent tool—you misused green thing—come back to us—take vengeance for us—we saw you—we see you—I see you.”

And if I wasn’t an idiot, this would have confirmed that Nona was Alecto/ AL / Annabelle Lee / the split and sundered soul of the entire fucking earth. I wasn’t even that far away. The note I put in on my initial read:

oh, FUCK.

Is this a revenant inside Judith? if so, is it recognising whatever is inside Nona? the "shape they made you fill"?

I mean this sure as shit isn't Judith speaking?

Seems to aid the theory that there's something revenenant-ish inside Nona.

“revenenant-ish”. I mean, I guess I tried? By the end of the book we know that John ate and then reshaped the soul of the earth, whilst simply killing the other planets (and pluto, yeah yeah fuck off it’s not a planet anymore idc).

This is also where we get told 100% for sure that this is the 7th RB, the same that caused havoc during the end of Harrow, because Judith asks after her cavalier and then says

“Because I saw her in the waves—she was there in the grey water—I saw them all—they hurt me—where is my hunger? I eat and eat and eat without surcease, my green thing, my green-and-breathing thing…”

which is obviously referring to the post canaan house spirit bubble assault on the RB in the river, which Marta’s soul took part in.

I’m open for any guesswork on “my green thing��� though. It’s mentioned FAR too often to be throwaway. I literally did a keyword search for ‘green’ and made the following, probably incomplete, list, again notes from my initial read:

Green. Herald blood. Ortus' eyes. Pyrra's original eyes. The ‘eye’ of the 8th RB. ???

Alternatively, jealousy. Envy. Less literal, more metaphor?

Anyway, back to John and Alecto.

This is also kind of interesting in that it implies the eightfold way is eating the soul of a single human being in the same way John ate the soul of AN ENTIRE PLANET. Which, sure, does explain why he’s an order of magnitude above them, AND it implies there’s some way to create a body for the soul you’ve eaten, at least in John’s case - he CREATED A.L. She didn’t exist in that form until after. 

But there are, then, 3 or even 4 varities of ‘lyctorhood’ present?

1. John eats the soul of the Earth, or tries too. It’s too much for him, and he houses part of it in another vessel (he calls it a house, which is definitely a deliberate detail, houses are important. I’m not going to think about it too hard). This becomes Alecto.

2. Mercy and Augustine etc etc. An existing person is killed and their soul ‘eaten’ in full. The soul becomes a battery seemingly much more powerful than the sum of it’s parts, for reasons unknown (or missed). 3. Pyrrha and 1st ed Gideon. Not sure the how of it, but we ended with 2 souls timesharing a body imperfectly. Based on the Cam/Palamedes and Pyrrha/Gideon differences, whose body it is matters. I sincerely wish Nona gave more of a fuck about this so we in turn knew more about it all. Alas.

4. Paul. A true mixing, based on scraps Nona overhears but, again, gives no fucks about and doesn’t examine. a ‘new’ soul. No real idea what their power level etc actually is because, AGAIN, NONA.

5? Anastasia and Samael. Harrow, pg 482:

She’d learned the trick was to do the Eightfold slower—more methodically—and it was still more of an accident than design. But it’s not as simple as her getting it right, and me stopping her. She panicked midway through. She hadn’t got his soul inside her all the way—if she had, Samael dying would have killed her too … They were both in danger. I killed him for her benefit, and she knew that at the time.”

I reckon if I was to do a proper cross referencing through John’s consumption of the Earth I’d work out what ‘the trick’ was, but I haven’t done so and this is long enough. For now, just something to highlight. I’ve a LOT of ‘just something’s to highlight, but I think this has already crept a long way away from my original point

[sfb123]

Best Foot Forward

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Liam x Riley

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Summary: After a day of shopping, Riley comes up with a prank to test Liam.

Rating: PG (for a couple of swear words)

Word Count: 1,171

A/N: Thanks to Instagram’s target advertising (who they thought they were targeting, I couldn’t even begin to tell you), the Balenciaga Croc heels came into my life. I immediately sent a screenshot to @charlotteg234, and it’s basically all we talked about for the rest of the night (well, that and Wingdings. You know? The original emojis). And thus, this story was made.

No pre-reader, I just threw it together in my free time at work today, and I was too excited to not post it immediately.

Tags: Tags seem to be acting up again, so I’m going to tag below as per ushe, but I’ll throw them in the comments too. Just in case. If you’d like to be added or removed, just let me know! 

Riley browsed through the rack of clothing in front of her, looking for nothing in particular. “Ooh Max, you’d look amazing in this!” She called across the store. When he didn’t immediately answer, she lifted her head from the rack and did a visual sweep of the room to locate her friend. She saw him by the shoe display, so she picked the jacket off the rack and made her way over to him. 

Liam and Riley were in Paris for a couple of days for some dinners and events. Unfortunately, Liam was stuck in meetings during the day, leaving Riley on her own. When Maxwell found out about the trip, and Riley’s free time, he invited himself along to keep her company. They had been spending their days wandering the city, shopping, eating, and occasionally playing the role of obnoxious tourist.

“Max, this jacket is amazing. You need to get it.” She stopped in her tracks when she noticed what he was looking at. “What the fuck are those?”

“I can’t decide if I love them for their audacity to exist, or hate them because they’re the worst.” He replied, unable to look away. 

They both examined the lime green Crocs that sported a black three inch heel. Riley lifted one off the table and examined it from every angle, trying to find a redeeming quality before placing it back down and turning to her friend. “Maxwell, those are hands down the ugliest shoes I have ever seen in my life.” 

“They’re Balenciaga.” He responded. 

“You’re shitting me?” She picked up the shoe again, gasping when she noticed the designer’s name on the strap. “Wow. Who are these even for? Like who would even look good in these?” 

“Nobody, but I bet if you wore them, Liam would tell you you did anyway.” Maxwell joked. 

She was silent for a moment as she took in Maxwell’s words. He wasn’t wrong. Riley had always said that she could wear a cardboard box and Liam would think she was stunning. Maybe it was time to put that theory to the test. “Do they have a pair in my size?”

“What? Riley, they're awful. Why would you do that?” Maxwell responded instantly, shocked by her sudden change of heart. 

“I want to try an experiment.” The corners of her mouth turned up into a mischievous grin. 

***

Later that night, Liam was putting his suit jacket on as Riley approached him. “Zip me up?” She turned her back to him and moved her hair to the side. 

“You know, I much prefer when I’m helping you zip it the other way.” He placed a teasing kiss on her neck before sliding the zipper up, tapping her playfully on the rear when he was done. 

Riley turned around with a smirk as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I know, and the second we are able to slip away from this dinner, we are going to come right back here so you can do that.” She leaned up, pressing her lips to his. “I’ll meet you at the door, I’ve just gotta grab my shoes.” 

She tried to pull out of his embrace, but his grip tightened, bringing her flush against him as he kissed her passionately. He pulled away, tapping her nose with his index finger. “Just a little incentive to make sure we get out of there quickly.” 

“As if I needed it.” She rolled her eyes. “Now go.” She shooed him out of the room. 

Liam was standing by the door, Riley’s coat in hand as he read an email on his phone. He heard his wife’s heels clicking against the floor. He looked up, taking her in her final look from head to toe. As his eyes reached her feet, his expression faltered ever so slightly, but he was able to quickly correct it. Riley noticed. 

Got him.

“Well? What do you think?” Riley did a spin for him, but Liam could only focus on the lime green, unusually bulky footwear she had chosen for the evening. 

“My love, you are an absolute vision.” He kissed her on the cheek as she approached. “Are those shoes new?”

“Yeah! Maxwell and I got them while we were out shopping today. Do you like them?” 

“They’re ah…” He searched for the right words. “They are certainly something else. Not something you would typically wear.” 

“They’re okay though, right? Even without the Jibbitz? I couldn’t find any while we were shopping, so I had to order them online. I'll have them for next time.” She paused to watch Liam’s expression. “I know there’s going to be some press there tonight, gotta put my best foot forward and all.” She lifted her right leg and circled her foot at the ankle. 

Liam ran a hand through his hair, struggling to find the right answer, and also to figure out what Jibbitz were. He had been trained in diplomacy his whole life, but no amount of training could prepare him for something like this. “I…”

Riley could tell, even through his stoic facade, that Liam was struggling with the situation, so she decided to put him out of his misery. “Liam Rys, I don’t know if I should love you for not wanting to hurt my feelings, or hate you for almost letting me go out in public in these things.” She laughed. 

His brows knit in confusion, trying to figure out what was going on. “Love, I don’t understand.” 

“Liam, these shoes are the most heinous things I have ever seen.” She slid them off her feet and held them out in front of him.

“But… so why did you buy them?” 

“To prove a point.” He stared at her blankly. “I love how much you love me, and how you always think I look beautiful. But you have to be able to tell me if something looks awful, or if I’m going to make a fool of myself going out in public in something.” 

Liam smiled and placed his hands on Riley’s hips. “Riley, you do always look beautiful. Even first thing in the morning, when your hair is all messy, and you have that little spot of dried drool right here.” He lifted a finger, pointing to the corner of her mouth. She laughed, slapping it away. “But I understand what you are saying, even though I think you look beautiful, I need to give you an impartial opinion. Try to see you through the eyes of someone who isn’t hopelessly in love with you.” 

“Exactly.” She kissed him tenderly before stepping away. “Okay, I’m going to go grab my actual shoes so that we’re not late.” 

She ran into the bedroom and threw on a pair of black pumps, quickly meeting Liam back at the door. He helped her put on her coat, and they walked out the door arm in arm. 

“Riley?” Liam broke the silence as they waited for the elevator. 

“Yeah babe?”

“What on earth is a Jibbit?” 

Permatag:

@busywoman​ @chemist-ana​ @choicesficwriterscreations​ @choiceskatie​ @cordonia-gothqueen​ @cordoniaqueensworld​ @delicialola16-blog​ @emersyn-in-cordonia​ @emkay512​ @foreverethereal123​ @gabesmommie1130​ @gardeningourmet​ @gkittylove99​ @gryffindordaughterofathena​ @hopelessromanticmonie​ @iaminlovewithtrr​ @i-am-only-here-for-sims-cc @kat-tia801 @khoicesbyk​ @kingliam2019​ @mainstreetreader​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @mile9213​ @mom2000aggie​ @neotericthemis​ @nestledonthaveone @phoenixrising308 @princessleac1 @queenrileyrose @secretaryunpaid @shewillreadyou @sincerelyella @tessa-liam @theroyalheirshadowhunter @twinkleallnight @txemrn @wingedhairstylemusicweasel

TRR:

@burnsoslow​ @charlotteg234​ @lovingchoices14​ @ofpixelsandscribbles​

Liam:

@21-wishes @amandablink @ao719 @custaroonie @jared2612 @yourmajesty09 @zaffrenotes​

One Shots:

@darley1101​

[hxnmantii]

Class 1-A and their car habits

tw: crack/fluff, cursing

People: Bakugo, Shoto, Izuku, Sero, Kiri, iida, Mina x mostly gn!reader (Mina is the only one that’s implied female!reader)

Ratings: PG

A/n: yuuhh get into💋 I personally would like to ride with Shoto. I just wanna hold his hand👉🏾👈🏾 but not on no simp shit. Originally, this was going to be just boys but who would I be if my gay self didn’t add the queen herself? Anyways, Who would you like to ride with?

Bakugo~

Bakugo does that sexy ass thing where he drives with one hand on the wheel and one hand on your thigh and when you don’t pay him enough attention he’ll lightly squeeze your thigh. This man does NOT share the aux....his stingy ass. He says he doesn’t wanna listen “to your trash music” but will play bxmb threat and NBA Youngboy at full capacity with the windows down. If you beg enough maybe he’ll play 1 Nicki song. But he will throw a fit and act like he doesn’t like Nicki even though he knows all of the lyrics. Altough he’s really uptight about his car, he enjoys driving and picking up the Bakusquad in it because he likes to feel useful and needed. No doubt about it, this man has road rage. He’s screaming outside the window and in the car about how someone cut him off and when someone screams back him, he’s like “Pull over right now cuz those sound like fighting words to me.” Now y’all in the back of a cop car and 30 minutes late to your dinner date. You are not, I repeat, you are NOT allowed to even think about eating in his car unless he’s got that plastic wrapping on his car. He treats his car so good (at some point you think he likes the care better than you) her name is Bethany. I-

Shoto~

Shoto has one hand on the wheel and one hand in your hand, stroking your hand from time to time and kissing the back of it. He had a sleek gray sliver car with a sunroom (he never actually uses) that goes fast and he likes going real fast because what they gon do, give him a ticket??? When his dad the number one hero??? Try again. He’s also the type to flick off the cops as he driving by because ACAB. He’s always wearing a gold Rolex and you got your nails done so when you hold his, the acrylics compliment his hand and watch.(like the pictures from Pinterest) You guys ride in comfortable silence. It’s so calming riding with him because although you’re slightly anxious with how fast he’s going, you’re at somewhat ease because he’s doing it so smoothly and you trust him. His windows are tinted because once again he’s the son of a pro hero and people are nosy, neither you or him like that. Although you don’t really need the assistance with Shoto being a living AC and heater in one, his seats have buttons for each seat and you can warm your bum. His car had the clean car smell...it just smells really clean. He’s got a bunch of condiments and napkins in his glove department. He doesn’t know where they came from. His whole vibe in his car is rich and elegant. He gets his car professional wash every Tuesday and you are required to come.

Kirishima

Kiri’s got a big ass red GMC truck and he gave the truck these monster wheels so it’s a force to be reckoned with. Her name is Sophie and like Bakugo, he loves her dearly but makes it clear to you that he’s love you more than her. He does the sexy ass thing where he’s got one hand on the wheel and one hand tightly holding on to your head rest so his arms flexing and he’s backing up with a concentrated look. that is so hot to me. He’s got a sticker on the back that says “honk if you’re manly” . He definitely would let you take the aux because you guys made a playlist of songs you chose together. He would be the type to start dancing when a good song came on, almost hitting someone in the process because he took both hands off the steering wheel out of excitement. He’s got road rage but not enough to actually start shouting or flicking someone off. In the trunk of Kirishima’s car, he’s got at least 5 different protein bottles as well a case of water and some jump rope. He says “You never know when I’ll need it to work out” but he has his personal gym?? Anyways, he has a specific section in his closet for red button ups because he likes to match Sophie when he drives her😭 I hate to say it but Kiri looks like a hill billy especially since he’s got those shoulder cut out button ups. He’s cute with it and he’s happy so you somewhat tolerate it

Midoriya

Izuku has more of a family car like a soccer mom car or a dark green Ford explore because he likes to pick everybody up to hang out and he needs space since he’s got a lot of them. Not to mention, he also likes to cruise and enjoy his time with you no matter where y’all go because we all know this man is a simppp. At every stop light, he’s gently grabbing your face and either kissing you on your cheek or forehead. He tried giving you a kiss on the lips once but he got so caught on the feeling that he ended up holding up the line and everybody was honking and made at him. He was so embarrassed that he now waits til you guys get to your destination to do all that extraness. Being the big fan he is, naturally he has some All might themed seatbelts and has all might stickers all over his steering wheel. He also has little all Might figurine on his dashboard that he prays to get him out of car trouble. Genuinely think it’s works too. Izuku in his trunk has a bunch of workout gear and gaze cuz he’s sexy like that. He does not have road rage at all....maybe a little. He might flick someone off but that’s as far as it goes. He definitely gives you the aux because he loves watching how lively you get it. (Y/n) “Do you know your Megan baby?”🥰 (ZuZu) “Y-yes?”

Iida

Now hear me out...Iida has a motorcycle. He’s got a need for speed that cars can’t really fufill because you can’t weave through other cars like a motorcycle can. His motorcycle has the highest tech on it naturally. It’s all black but has lights underneath it so he can change it by phone and ofc it’s always blue. You guys also have matching helmets that are Bluetooth so you’re able to talk to one another without having to yell very much. When you guise stop, he rubbing your arms to make sure that you’re okay and/if you need to pull over. Now when he’s not riding the motorcycle he’s got a Tesla. He preaches about the law and following the rules but when he get in the car, that’s a different story. With him you better either hold on tight to him or you better get double seat belt buckles for extra protection because he’s about to try and race the flash. (And you thought Shoto was bad) You get out thanking the universe for letting you touch ground again. Iida got the type of car that if you even breathe incorrectly around it, it’s going off and waking up the whole damn neighborhood. When iida first got his car, he read everything up on it so he would be fully able to use the car to its full potiential meaning that he’s got Siri set up, he can lock the door from his car, and watch the cameras on his house through the screen of his car. The Bluetooth is automatically connected to his phone so no you will not be getting the aux but you can play some tunes form his phone. He’ll even make you a playlist on Apple Music with his rich self.

Sero

Sero’s got a red convertible with tan seats and the weather allows it, his top is always down. His car always smells so good because he uses the wild cherry air freshener in his car. He blasts bad bunny and daddy Yankee as y’all are cruising slightly over the speed light. He also likes blasting Ski Mask. He’s the type to sing you the words while gently holding your face and singing to you with a lovey dovey smile on his face. He’s very respectful and turns down his music when entering neighborhoods because he doesn’t wanna mess with the vibes. You two have matching glasses that says queen/ king on yours and king on his. He definitely has some throw dice hanging from his mirror along with a picture of you and him taped to his dashboard cuz he’s also a simp. He’s always has a packet of Extra gum in his middle console along with warm water bottles. If police pulls him over, he definitely the type to start flirting with him so the officer just to make him uncomfortable enough to let him off with a warning. For a fact, he has the Puerto Rican flag on the antenna of his car. He has Led lights and likes them to be colorful rather than on one color. Sero definitely jogs around the front to open the door for you because he’s a jester and a gentleman in one. His part of his car is that the top can go down solely for the fact that the sun always highlights your skins so well.

Mina

Do I even need to say anything about the Pink queen herself?? She has a cute pink steering wheel case with matching pink seats and ofc she has a bedazzled stick shift. She has a Jeep. She the type of person to has matching glasses with her interior and when you get in the car, she’s putting her music on shuffle: a dangerous move because you go from Brent Faiyaz to Jhene Aiki to fucking Cardi B, Flo Mili, and etc. When you unbuckle your seat to start twerking in the seat, she’s automatically going to start hyping you up. She’s got one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on your ass smacking it as you fuck it up in the passenger seat. Y’all are literally swerving from side to side and let’s be honest here, Mina is not that good of a driver so you have almost gotten in an accident multiple times. She’s the type to pull over to take cute selfies or videos with you and post them all at once captioning it with “Late nights w/bae”. Underneath seat she an emergency packet filled with makeup, clothes, hair and first aid kit supplies. Although she’s not the best driver, she takes the rules really serious because she would hate to have an accident with you in the car. Like Sero, She has led lights in her car but they only flash pink. Mina is the queen of putting falsies on so she would mostly definitely put yours on (without tweezers) once you park as well as do your edges if you ask. She just has that talent. *chefs kiss* amazing

Reblogs are appreciated!

A/n: I’m lyin I definitely would be riding with Bakugo because I have major passenger rod rage lol and you definitely don’t wanna get your ass beat TWICE

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

📽 📼LET’S (NOT) KEEP IT PG PART 3 📼 📽

Prompt: Drew and Y/N are reunited once again

Word count: Long!

Pairing: Drew McIntyre x Reader

Warnings: +18, fluff (by the end), smut, vaginal sex, anal sex, fingering, oral sex (male and female receiving), 69, anal plug, dirty talking, trichophilia (hair kink - pulling), asphyxiation kink (breath play - chocking) in other words: just pure filth😈

Tagging: @jibbles26 , @akiko-tanaka , @blondekel77 , @theworldofotps , @new-zealand-chic

Notes: Originally this shouldn’t be up until March but you already know me: I have no self respect at all! In a conversation with the lovely Marissa aka MJ, aka @howdareyouhydra. She asked if I could come up with a part 2 and 3 for the original “Let’s (Not) Keep It PG”. Part 1 and 2 are already up (you can read it on my Masterlist) and this is the finale: part 3! I thought to myself: Go big or go home! So here’s the result of it! Also: I tried to keep it “as real as possible” SPECIALLY with the first time anal thing. I just want to put it out there that communication is KEY and HIGHLY important kiddos, so please before doing the dirty business find someone who will truly care about you and your wellbeing! Not only with their own pleasure, ok?!...Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊)You can check out my other stories on my Masterlist and my newest story as a fixed post. Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

❤️Drewy❤️: I’ll be home in 20 minutes

I reread the message Drew sent me once more. Staring to feel the goosebumps all over my skin.

I was patiently waiting for him in the bedroom, dressed in a lavender mini circle skirt; nude underneath it, a white tulle crop top with my breasts bare and some sheer white medium length socks.

I listen to the sounds of Drew’s heavy footsteps upon the dark wooden stairs, that are now leading him to our bedroom.

The door swung open and an impatient Drew, dressed in a black dress shirt and pants comes in my direction.

“Finally!” He grunts, giving me a bear hug while inhaling deeply upon the nape of my neck “Argh, I missed ya so much. I missed your smell, your skin, your lips” He kisses me urgently.

“I missed you too baby, those two months without you were a literal hell” I close my grip tighter around his neck.

“I know, princess” He coos “But we’ll have one whole week to make up for lost time” Smiling he kissed me again

“How’s daddy’s little girl doing?” He whispered

“Lonely, without you,”

“We’ll fix that right away, love” He began to kiss my neck

“Daddy...I have a surprise for you” I smirked when he backed away to look at me

“Surprise?”

I nod “Yeah, while daddy was away I took the time to prepare myself so daddy can claim the one thing he hasn’t claimed yet”

I watch as all the blood from Drew’s face is drained in disbelief

“Did you really?” He breathlessly asked

“Yes, do you wanna see it daddy?” I deviously grinned

Drew just nods, completely speechless as I lean in all fours on top of the bed with my bottom facing him. He scooted closer and lift my skirt slowly up to my hips, moaning a long ‘fuck me’ in a thick accent when his eyes encounter the beautiful dark pink with a flower base, glass butt plug.

“Did you liked my surprise, daddy?” I smiled innocently, looking at him over my shoulder.

“Liked? Oh love, I hope you’re not planning to go somewhere tomorrow ‘cause I’m sure you won’t be able to even get up from the bed!” He caresses my butt cheeks “You’re so perfect, princess. So fucking perfect” He praised “Turn over and lay down for me, love”

Drew unbuttoned his dress shirt, eyes glued to mine. He slowly takes the shirt off, letting it slide through his arms until it reached the floor, followed by his pants and underwear.

He kneels down, dragging me closer to him. The movement made my skirt go up to my waist.

“I missed this sweet pussy” He let a glob of spit fall upon my clit so it would drip down to my entrance. Drew watched until his spit reached the bedsheet, only then leaning in to give me long, teasing licks until he focused on my clit and slid one finger in.

“You managed to get even tighter without daddy, love?” He added a second finger in “I can barely fit two fingers inside of you”

He moves his fingers at a slow pace as he incredibly softly sucks on my clit.

Low moans fell from my lips when he speeds the pace of his fingers and tongue

“Daddy, please” I beg

“What do you want, princess?”

“I want daddy’s cock on my mouth” I babble

Drew slowly removes his fingers, lay down on the bed and motions for me crawl to him.

“Straddle my face, baby” He says panting

As soon as he has his face between my thighs he pulls my core towards his face and I lean down to suck him off.

The bedroom soon filled with our muffled moans of pleasure. I can feel my orgasm reaching close, making me suck Drew even harder. He slides two fingers in, pumped twice and that was enough to make me reach my high. With Drew’s own orgasm followed by, once he feels my walls suck his fingers in.

I swallowed his seed, turning over to meet his blue eyes.

“Come here” He beckons me

I crawl to him, hovering his body. He rapidly pulled me up, so he could kiss me vigorously.

“Think you can take another round right now? ‘Cause I want that pussy AND that ass” He nibs my jaw

“I’ve been waiting two months for that. Ruin me, daddy” I smirked

“Oh princess, you should’ve chose wiser words” He laughs, entering my core in one swift motion and wasting no time to pound me roughly.

“Oh fuck” I moaned. The way the butt plug pushed my walls further to the front, made the whole pounding feel like it never felt before. The whole sensation was like being doubled penetrated.

Drew close his fingers around my neck, pressing it lightly as he kisses me, tossing his free arm around my waist to keep me in place.

“Did you missed daddy’s cock, princess?”

I nod lightly

He releases his grip on my neck to only keep my head in place by locking his thick fingers on top of my head, firmly gripping my hair.

“Did you missed the way how daddy’s cock stretches your pussy, love?”

I nod again

“I bet your vibrator can’t do that, can it?”

“No, daddy. Only you can” I whispered

“Argh” He growls and pounds me even harder “I love how your pussy feels around my cock baby” He pulls me down by my hair so his lips can whisper in my ear every kind of obscenity you can think off: how good I felt, how his cock missed me, how he couldn’t wait to fuck my ass...With every filthy word his accent grew thicker and thicker. Drew always knew that dirty talking was my weakness and also the fastest way to make me cum.

It didn’t take long for me to reach my second orgasm, he continued to pound me but this time it was softer, making the orgasm last longer.

Drew caresses my cheeks, whispering

“Are you ok?”

*Always so thoughtful* I thought

“I’ll be better once you fuck me in the ass” I giggled and he laughs

“There’s nothing that I want more right now than to fuck your ass, baby. But I don’t want to push ya too far...I don’t wanna hurt ya” He brushes my hair with his fingers

“Drew” I caress his beard “I love how much you care about my wellbeing, but trust me, tiger: You won’t hurt me and I’m still really turned on, so would you please, kindly, fuck me?” I bat my lashes

“You’re gonna kill me someday, woman” He grunts, carefully sliding out of me

“Where’s the lube?” He asks in a raspy voice

“Nightstand”

He got up from the bed and took the plastic bottle on his hand, leaning down to kiss me softly

“I love you Y/N”

“I love you too, Drewy”

He smiles fondly “Turn around, princess”

Drew squirted some of the lube on his length, carefully took out the glass plug and squirted more lube upon my hole, inserting one finger in and out

“Are you ready, love?”

“Drew, stop teasing me” I yelped

“So eager, aren’t you?” He laughs, positioning his cock’s head upon my hole, carefully entering me.

The feeling was...new, the fact that I took my time to prepare myself with the plugs undoubtedly helped, a lot! He entered easier than if I didn’t had, but at the same time Drew is thicker and bigger than the butt plug so the pressure was different. Not hurtful, just new. He was half way in when he stop it.

“Are you ok, baby?” He asks, drawing soothing circles with his palm on my back

“Yeah, it’s just different”

“Different good or different bad?”

“Different...weird” I laughed lightly

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No”

“Y/N, love. Talk to me, I need to know how you’re feeling” Worry surrounding his voice

“It doesn’t hurt or anything like that, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s just that you’re bigger AND thicker than the plug, so it’s a new feeling that’s all. But not bad, you’ve got the green light Scotsman” I joke

“Ok” He chuckled “But if at anytime you feel like you wanna stop, you let me know ok?”

I nod

“I’m serious Y/N, at ANYTIME”

“Noted!” I mock him and gained a hard slap on my ass

Drew slowly moved until he was buried deep inside.

“Motherfucker” He faintly moaned and stayed still for what it felt like ages

“Drew, are you ok back there?” I mock “Aren’t you gonna move?” I ask

“Yeah, yeah, just give me a second” His voice breathless “I need to focus, because you feel too fucking good and I will be damned if I cum just now! So I just needed to breathe” He says and slowly started to move.

The once weird feeling became extremely erotic when he started to move. It was still different, but incredibly good.

“Daddy” I call

And look behind my shoulder to see Drew’s eyes glued to the sight of his cock going in and out of my ass and I could swear, I saw some drool escaping his lips. I’ve never seen him so turned on before and the vision woke up a primal part in me.

“Daddy” I call again, but this time louder

He awakens from his lust haze and stopped moving

“What’s wrong princess? Do ya want daddy to stop?”

“No” I whined “I want daddy to go faster”

“Faster? Are you sure?”

“Yes! Please daddy” My eyes pleaded to him

Drew circled one arm around my waist, pulling me up and out of my in all fours position so I could be kneeling down on the bed and started to increase his pace.

One arm around my waist, another vigorously gripping my hip and a fast pounding got me moaning loudly.

He started to bite my cheek, neck and jaw line, making me lift my arm up so I could bury my fingers on his dark hair, keeping his face glued to mine.

Drew releases his grip upon my hips to roam down and rub my clit.

“In, put it in, please” I babble incoherently but he (thankfully) understood

Entering my core with two fingers and roughly finger fucking me.

It was all too much and too good. His cock inside my hole, his fingers in my core, the biting, the moaning...it was all so dirty and lustful.

“I’m gonna need you to cum princess, Right now!” He mumbled

With two more thrusts I came the most eye rolling orgasm I’ve ever had in my life! I was coming down from my high, when I felt Drew pulling out and the hot spurts of his thick seed landing on my butt cheeks.

I collapse onto the bed, with Drew landing by my side a few seconds later, after cleaning us up.

“That was...beyond this world” I mumbled with my face pressed against the mattress

He laughed loudly before saying

“YOU are beyond this world!” He pulls me towards him like a rag doll, turning me over so I could lay on my back “Are you ok?”

“Drew, I’m fine! More than fine” I giggled

“Are you sure I wasn’t too rough?”

I lightly touch the frown between his eyebrows “You’re never too rough, you’re a perfect gentleman every single time” I pecked his lips

He shyly smiles, slightly blushing

“Thank you for the surprise. I really, really loved” He said and stared at me for a few minutes

“What?” I ask, feeling incredibly exposed due to his intense staring

“You’re so beautiful, on the outside undoubtedly! But on the inside as well. Just so beautiful...I can’t imagine my life without you” His voice is in pure awe

I never knew how to react whenever he said those sort of sweet and deep words to me, Drew was always the romantic one: expressing himself, talking about his feelings and wishes. Me? I was the complete opposite: shut down, didn’t like to show that many emotions, didn’t knew how to express my feelings. I was ‘the ice queen’ as he used to tease me ever since we’ve met. It took me precisely 2 YEARS to take the courage to finally say that I loved him, when he was able to do it after 2 months!

I didn’t knew how to reply to his beautiful, kind, loving words so I decided to deal with it, my way: Break the uncomfortableness with a joke

“Does that means my Voodoo dolls have worked then?” I narrowed my eyes “You got no choice but to stay with me forever, McIntyre” I chanted as if it was a spell

He laughs like a child, cups my cheeks and says

“I do have a choice, love! And I choose you, everyday! Today, tomorrow and forever! My one only gal” He winks and I blushed

Already thinking what other joke could I crack in order to break the spell he casted on me now...

Please let me know your thoughts on this? Feedback is always appreciated 🥰😘

[hintsofhoney]

Holidate: Chapter One

Pairing(s): Dean Winchester x F!Reader

Series Summary: Y/N and Dean have both had bad luck with relationships (and the recent holidays). When they meet one another at the mall, Dean gets an idea that could potentially fix their problems.

Tags: swearing, alcohol, some fluff, some crack, this is very PG for the most part

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: I originally started writing this for a secret Santa fic exchange, but I got very carried away. By that I mean, I’ve worked on nothing but this for the past week or so. My secret Santa requested soulmates and fake dating be included and I had just watched the movie “Holidate” before diving into this fic and so... the idea arose. This is probably one of my most favorite fics I’ve written, and I wanted it to be comfortable for everyone to read, so I made a version with my secret Santa’s name and one with a reader insert (which is this one). I will be posting the next parts within the next few days!

HOLIDATE MASTERLIST | DEAN WINCHESTER MASTERLIST | SUPERNATURAL MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

THANKSGIVING DAY

Y/N’S POV

You watched in disinterest as your brother got down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend (of six months) in your family’s living room. Not that you weren’t happy for him, finding love or whatever, but this just meant the next few holidays were going to be absolute hell for you. Everyone in your family was now pretty much married, engaged, or dating. Everyone except you, which sucked extra hard because you were a girl and you were the oldest, which just meant a constant stream of questions like, “Y/N, when are you getting married?” or “Y/N, have you tried this dating app?” or “Y/N, have you found ‘the one’ yet?”. You stifled a scoff. “The one”. What a fucking joke. You tried your best to plaster on a fake smile and pretend to be happy for your little brother, although, besides being bitter about your own mess of a love life, he had only known the girl six months and you didn’t think that it was a good idea all-around. And Thanksgiving? Why’d he had to do it at Thanksgiving? You couldn’t name a more un-romantic holiday.

“Congrats, you’ve beat me to it,” you smiled, as you gave your brother a hug. He just laughed and hugged the next person down the line of family members waiting to congratulate him. You rolled your eyes at the unnecessary commotion and made your way into the kitchen to check on the turkey. At least that was the one good thing left about this holiday: the food.

“So, Y/N,” your aunt began once everyone was sat at the table, about halfway through the meal, “do you have a special someone?”

Dear God, I’d going to murder someone before the night is over, you thought to yourself before putting on what was probably the 50th fake smile of the night and replying, “I don’t.” Your aunt looked at you with sympathy and you hated it. As if you needed sympathy for not having a boyfriend. As if you were just a miserable little hag without a man at your side. It made you want to barf, but you just settled for playing with the mashed potatoes on your plate.

CHRISTMAS DAY

DEAN’S POV

“You’re sure they know I’m coming? This is our second date, I feel like it’s kinda comin’ on a little strong,” Dean said, as he followed his date up the driveway of her house. He had no clue what he was doing there; he had only been on one other date with this girl and it wasn’t even all that good. But it was Christmas, and his brother was off with his girlfriend somewhere, and he was going to be alone otherwise. So, when Ella invited him over for Christmas dinner, he thought, “why not?”. Now, he was second guessing his decision and praying that they weren’t expecting him to have brought any gifts. Again, this was the second date. He barely knew the girl.

“Yes, and they’re so excited to meet you! I’m so glad you could make it!” Ella chirped as she rang the doorbell.

Jesus Christ, I’m going to kill myself, Dean thought to himself as Ella’s overly-excited tone rang in his ears. She hadn’t even acknowledged his whole “coming on strong” statement, and that’s when he realized that the chances of this night ending well were slim to none. After two dates, she was bringing him home to meet the parents. Why did he ever agree to this? What the hell was he thinking?

“El-bell!” Ella’s mother exclaimed as the front door opened, pulling her into a tight hug. Dean held back his desire to physically cringe at the Christmas sweater her mom was wearing, only to see that her dad was wearing a matching one as the door opened wider. Now he wanted to throw up. God, they were those people. “And you must be Dean!” Ella’s mom said with a smile as she ushered him over the threshold and into the house, pulling him into a tight hug. Yeah, there was no escaping this hell now.

“Yes, ma’am,” Dean replied, trying his best to make his smile look genuine.

“I’m Angie, this is Bill,” Ella’s mom beamed, pointing to her husband who offered his hand to Dean with an oddly cheery smile on his face. Dean shook it and nodded a ‘hello’. “We’re so excited to finally meet you, Dean. Ella’s just told us oodles about you!”

“Oh, has she? This is only our second date,” he chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head as he glanced over at Ella with a curious look on his face.

“Oh, well, yes, but… when you know you know,” Angie beamed, clearly totally oblivious to Dean’s discomfort. Son of a bitch. I’ve found the fucking loony bin, he thought to himself. At least he had figured out that Ella wasn’t the one on the second date, and not a year in. “C’mon, Bill is going to finish up on the dinner and I can show you El’s baby pictures!”

Oh, God, no. Please don’t, is what Dean wanted to say. But he settled on, “can’t wait!”, as he followed Angie into to the living room and was sat in between her and her daughter in no time, a photo album in his lap. It was going to be a long fucking night.

DECEMBER 28TH

Y/N’S POV

You sighed as you made your way through the crowded mall. You were shopping for a dress for some stupid New Year’s Eve party that you had been invited to, but you weren’t even sure that you were going to go yet. For one, you didn’t have a date, and you didn’t particularly want to be surrounded by kissing couples when the clock struck 12. Secondly, you’ve had it up to your ears with holidays. As if Thanksgiving wasn’t bad enough, Christmas was even worse. Your family insisted on wearing matching Christmas sweaters – barf – and your mother tried to set you up with the next-door neighbor who had just moved in – double barf.

“But Y/N, he’s a doctor,” your mom’s voice echoed in your head.

“But mom, I don’t care,” you had replied.

You turned the corner, spotted the pretzel stand, and began making your way towards it. You needed a snack to get your mind off of how irritated you were with the holidays, because Lord knows if you didn’t show up at that damn New Year’s Eve party, the line of questioning about your love life would extend to be not only from your family, but from your friends as well.

“Hi, can I just get one cinnamon-sugar pretzel please. And an iced coffee,” you asked the woman working at the pretzel stand, who looked like she absolutely hated her job as she nodded and began to fill your order. You understood her mood. If you worked at a pretzel stand in the middle of the mall in the middle of the holiday season, you’d hate your life too. More than you already did. You thanked the woman as she handed you your order and offered her a smile, to which she did not return, not that you minded. You respected her honesty. You spun around on your heels to leave, pretzel in one hand and iced coffee in another, when it happened. You know, that thing that happens in every cheesy Hallmark Christmas movie ever. Because, admittedly, you weren’t exactly watching where you were going, and you collided with a random stranger’s chest, iced coffee went everywhere, soaking through your shirt and his, your pretzel fell to the floor, and the whole mall seemed to stop in their tracks for a split second to watch the shit show happen. “Oh my God, I am so sorry,” you blurted out, looking at his coffee-soaked tee.

“Son of a bitch,” he mumbled as he looked down at his shirt. “Don’t worry about it, it happens,” he said, although you could tell by the tone of his voice that he was irritated. Who wouldn’t be? You looked from his shirt to his face, and the air almost left your lungs as you laid your eyes on him. Undoubtedly, he was the most gorgeous man you’d ever seen. This would happen to you. Just your luck.

“No, no, let me buy you a new shirt or something,” you offered, picking your pretzel up off the ground and throwing it in the nearest trashcan.

“Me a new shirt? I think you might want to take care of your shirt first,” he smirked. Your eyes went wide when you realized what he was referring to. You were wearing a light blue shirt, and since it was just the mall, you decided to forego the bra today. Your hands instantly folded across your chest to keep a shred of your dignity. The man chuckled. “Here,” he said, shrugging off his plaid flannel and handing it to you. Somehow, the coffee had avoided most of the button-down and concentrated on his t-shirt underneath.

You smiled sheepishly and took the plaid from him, quickly putting it on and buttoning it up. “Thanks,” you replied, offering your hand out to him. “Um, I’m Y/N.” He shook it firmly.

“Dean,” he smiled, before glancing over to the pretzel stand and announcing that he was going to get some napkins to clean up the coffee from the floor. You watched him as he asked the woman who hated her life for some napkins and she handed them to him begrudgingly before going back to the register. You and Dean fell to your knees and began sopping up the coffee with the pile of napkins to the best of your ability. After about five trips from each of you to the nearby trashcan to dispose of the soggy napkins, the floor may have been sticky with coffee residue, but it wasn’t a slipping hazard anymore.

“Thanks, you didn’t have to help. That was my bad,” you said shyly, hugging yourself out of embarrassment from the whole situation.

“No, no, it’s fine. Honestly, I shouldn’t have been surprised that it happened to me considering how my holiday season’s been goin’,” he chuckled as you both started to make your way away from the scene of the mess. You were heading towards the nearest clothing store so you could buy Dean a new shirt, but you had a feeling he’d protest so you kept the conversation going so he wouldn’t notice where the two of you were headed.

“You too, huh?” you laughed breathily, flashbacks of your own holidays playing through your head.

“You mean to tell me I’m not the only one who had a shit Christmas?” he asked, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Shit Christmas, shit Thanksgiving, and I’ll probably have a shit New Year’s, too,” you sighed, turning into the nearest men’s clothing store. Dean realized what you were up to.

“You’re not thinking of buying me another shirt, are you? Honestly, I’m fine. The coffee’s almost dry now anyway and I can just wear that one once you buy yourself a new shirt,” he stated, pointing to his flannel that you were still wearing.

“I feel bad! That shirt is ruined, look at the coffee stain!” You exclaimed with a laugh, pointing at his gray tee.

“This thing? Nah, I got about 15 of them back home. C’mon, let’s find you a shirt so I can get my flannel back and get the hell outta here before there’s another accident,” he teased, and you rolled your eyes in protest and made your way back out of the store. “So, why the shit holiday season?” he questioned, continuing the conversation as the two of you started walking again.

“Ugh, where do I start? On Thanksgiving my little brother proposed to his girlfriend of six months –”

“Who proposes on Thanksgiving? That’s like, the least romantic holiday,” he interjected.

“I know! That’s what I said! It just sucks because now I’m the only single person in my family, and being a girl, and being the oldest, it’s like… everyone expects me to be married and have kids by now. So, I’m getting bombarded with questions about whether or not I have a boyfriend at every holiday and it makes me want to rip my hair out. And then on Christmas, as if Thanksgiving wasn’t bad enough, my mother invited her new next-door neighbor over for Christmas dinner so she could try and set me up with him!” you exclaimed.

“Oh, no, that’s rough,” Dean chuckled. “Did you like him?”

“Even if I had, I would never go on a date with someone that my own mother set me up with. I mean, she’s lost it, she wants grandbabies so damn bad. What about you? What made your Christmas so rough?”

“Oh, God. I decided to go over to this girl’s parent’s house for Christmas dinner… it was our second date,” he said nervously, as if you were about to judge him for his actions.

You laughed. “Why would you ever say yes to that?”

“I didn’t want to be alone on Christmas! But after being shown the third baby photo album of hers and then being forced into wearing a matching sweater, I was regretting the decision, trust me.”

“Oh, God. They sound –”

“Crazy? Yeah, it was fuckin’ freaky,” Dean said with a shiver as he recalled the memory. “So, what are your plans for New Year’s then?”

“I got invited to this party at this club but Lord knows I’m not going to find a date by then. So, it’s like, do I want to spend New Year’s alone at home or do I want to spend it alone at a club? That’s why I came here in the first place; to find a dress,” you explained.

Dean nodded as he listened. “Well, I don’t have any plans for New Years,” he hinted. You cringed. It’s not that you weren’t attracted to him, it’s that you genuinely just… weren’t a relationship person. And as much as you would love to have a New Year’s kiss, you wanted to have a New Year’s kiss with no strings attached, and something told you that Dean wanted the strings. You finally reached your favorite clothing store and stopped to face Dean before entering.

“Look, I appreciate the offer but I just really can’t start a whole relationship thing right now and –”

“Woah, woah. I never said anything about a relationship. I’m not a relationship guy myself. I just… I was thinking, because I need a date to this work thing I have going on on Valentine’s Day, if I go to this New Year’s party with you… would you maybe consider returning the favor for me?” he asked hopefully.

“Like a holiday date?” you questioned as you narrowed your eyes at him skeptically.

“Yeah, yeah exactly! Like… like a holidate,” he smiled, clearly quite proud of his pun.

“I was considering it until the pun,” you joked. You had to admit, it was a pretty good idea. It took the stress of finding a date for the holidays, and he wasn’t the worst person to be around. “Fine, fine, I’m in,” you agreed, before making your way into the store.

NEW YEAR’S EVE

You and Dean had exchanged numbers later that day at the mall, after you had given him his flannel back and thanked him for helping you keep some of your dignity. You hadn’t heard from him until yesterday, when he texted you asking if you wanted him to pick you up. You took him up on the offer, figuring that it would do you some good to save a little gas money. Plus, this was technically a date. A non-romantic date, but a date nonetheless. You took one last look at yourself in the mirror, straightening out your sparkly black skin tight dress that you had actually picked out at the mall that day, after you said your goodbyes to Dean. The dress stopped about mid-thigh and showed off your cleavage quite nicely. You felt good in it. Hot. Sexy, even. You were ready for a night out to ring in the New Year with friends who wouldn’t be bothering you with silly questions about your love life, because for all intents and purposes, tonight, you actually had one. There was a knock at your door and you yelled, “Coming!”, as you rushed out of your room, trying to simultaneously put your heels on. You unlocked the door and opened it, one shoe on while the other was still dangling in your hand.

“Woah, you look… hot,” Dean stated simply, eyeing you up and down while you steadied yourself on the nearby wall and put your other heel on.

“Thank you, you don’t look so bad yourself. You can, uh, you can come in. I gotta grab my purse and make sure all the lights are off,” you smiled, as Dean stepped through the doorway and closed the door behind him.

“Nice place,” you heard him announce as you ran off back to your room to grab your purse.

“Thanks, it’s not much but it’s home,” you replied loudly, spinning in slow circles trying to figure out where you had left your purse. You finally spotted it on a chair under the clothes you were wearing before you had changed into your current outfit. You headed out of your room, turning the light off on the way out. “Alright, I’m good. Let’s go get drunk,” you smiled, as the two of you headed out the door.

The club was loud and crowded; just about what’d you’d expect, it being New Year’s and all. You found your friends and their dates rather quickly, despite the noise, the bad lighting, and the number of people. You introduced Dean as your date for the night, and judging by the looks on their faces, you knew you’d be getting questions about him later. However, it wouldn’t be the annoying question of, “Do you have a man, yet?”, it’d be the slightly less annoying question of, “So, Dean, huh?”, which you were more than fine with. Honestly, you quite liked talking about Dean. He was a mystery to you, and you liked it that way. Much less of a chance of you falling for him.

“Do you want a drink!?” Dean leaned over to yell in your ear over the blaring music.

You nodded. “Yeah, anything with whiskey in it, I’ll drink!” you replied, just as loud. He smiled and gave you a nod before disappearing to the bar.

The night was moving quickly, and after your fourth drink, you were really having a good time. He had gotten a few drinks in him as well, and around 11:00 he had asked you to dance. The music was God awful. Just some new age, pop techno crap. It sounded like noise more than it did music, but neither of you cared. You had your arms around Dean’s neck, and he had one hand on your hip, the other holding a beer, while the both of you swayed to the noise-music. Dean took a swig of his drink and then leaned over to yell something in your ear again.

“I feel like I can say this, because I’m not actually trying to impress you, but I just thought you should know that your boobs look fucking amazing tonight!” he shouted, and you giggled.

“Thank you!” you replied, quite enjoying the open line of communication between the two of you, considering that you didn’t have to be cordial with one another because this wasn’t meant to be an actual, real, romantic date. “Did you see Caroline’s though? She looks so good in that dress, doesn’t she!?” you asked, nodding over to your friend who you had introduced to Dean earlier, who was drunkenly dancing with her date. Dean nodded in agreement as he glanced in her direction.

“Yeah, she does. You didn’t tell me you had so many hot friends!” he said in a joking manner, although you wouldn’t have minded if he wasn’t joking. You laughed.

“Yeah, we’re a good-looking bunch!”

“You’re the hottest one, though!”

You blushed. “You think so!?”

“Fuck, yeah! I mean, c’mon!” Dean replied, taking a step back to motion to your body with his hands. “Also,” he added, leaning back in close to your ear, “are we supposed to kiss at midnight!?”

You thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, I think so! It’d be weird not to, my friends would ask about it!”

Dean nodded as he took another sip of beer and smiled. “This is the best date ever! I mean, I can say whatever I want without having to worry about a damn thing!” You laughed in agreement as the two of you continued to dance.

It wasn’t long before the music stopped so the DJ could announce that it was 20 seconds until midnight, and before you knew it the countdown from ten had begun as the numbers displayed on the giant screen at the front of the club.

“FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” The crowd roared, as the music turned on again and horns and party poppers went off in all directions. You looked at Dean who grabbed you by your waist and spun you around into a dip, kissing you passionately as all the other couples around you did the same. You giggled into the kiss, not expecting the dramatic take on it, but you didn’t mind. And damn, was he a good fucking kisser. You pushed the butterflies in your stomach down as the kiss ended and Dean placed you back on both feet, reminding yourself that you wouldn’t see him again until Valentine’s Day, per your “holidate” agreement. However, the rest of the night was a little less fun with the kiss constantly playing at the back of your mind and the fireworks that you had suppressed threatening to erupt. You found yourself reminding yourself the same thing the rest of the night: You cannot catch feelings, you cannot catch feelings, you cannot catch feelings…

CHAPTER TWO ↦

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[fundamentally-lazy]

Dream A Little Dream of Me

Beetlejuice x reader 

The fic has everything! We got angst, we got fluff, and we got a smidge of PG-13 smut just for you. 

My favorite headcanon (That I thought of) is that Beetlejuice loves being sung to, just turns our little demon to mush. This song is one of my favorites. An intruder comes into reader’s home and our bugman is there to put the fear of God/Satan in him. 

special thanks to @go-commander-kim for holding my hand through this. As well as @beej-juicy for giving me a list of awesome headcanons that kindled this fic right here.  

On with the show! 

You were in the shower, while he went into sneak up on you to scare you once you got out (because, water no) and then he heard you sing. He sat in the sink waiting for you to shut the water off so he can do the Psycho scene and try to scare you. Until he heard it.

…stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper “I love you”, birds singing in the sycamore tree…dream a little dream of me…

The sound melted him a little, letting the words pour over his ears and drip into his heart if he did not know any better, it felt like, medicine.

Say night-ie night and kiss me, just hold me tight and tell me you miss me…

You hummed the rest of the verse as you shut off the water and wrapped yourself in the towel. Pushing back the curtain and jumping at the demon purring contently with his eyes closed in your bathroom sink, his hair a soft pink.

“What the holy crisp hell?!” You snapped jumping out of your skin. He was startled upright remembering where he was, “want to tell me what you’re doing?”

“I-I was waiting for you to get out see if you were up for some alone time with the bugman,” he scrambled. “I do love you when you’re so clean and soft,”

“Oh is that so?” You joked. “Since when do you wait in the bathroom?”

“Don’t be so suspicious,” he quipped as you brushed out your wet hair. Sneaking behind you, reaching under the towel as he planted kisses on your neck, ”I wanted,” a kiss, a hand grips your throat. He feels your shoulders drop, “to carry you,” another few kisses. “To the bedroom,” the hand moved from your throat and gripped your hair.  You grabbed his free hand and sighed. His other hand, was busy rubbing compact circles around your clit making you gasp. “Would my little princess like that?” Your moans proved to him that you were properly distracted from what just happened. You nodded fervently as he set to work making you cum before you even got started. “Hmm? I need verbal baby, tell daddy you want it,” he inserted a finger inside.

“Yes,”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir,” he bent you over the sink and finished you off. You were still gasping and coming down when he gathered you in his arms and carried you off to your bed.

Some time later, you both were entwined in each other with BJ on top of you his body between your legs, his head on your heart. “I love hearing what I do to you,” he growled in your ear, making you shiver. You rubbed his back, which you knew he liked, playing with his hair, humming a nameless tune to yourself. Beetlejuice immediately started purring, kissing your stomach and biting your hip, looking at you with lust filled eyes spreading your legs.

“While I’m alone, and blue as can be,” you sang softly. “Dream a little dream of me,” his head popped up from between your legs. As he cleared his throat and moved off of you, you looked at him with a smirk. “Something wrong darlin?”

“No, no, I just remembered I have to do something,” he grumbled getting up, reaching for his pants. His hair slowly turning blue, as he hastily got dressed.

“Got another girl paging you?” You muttered sarcastically, stretching cat like over the bed.

“You know I’ve only got the strength for you sweetness,” he said giving you a quick kiss on the mouth. “But, no, I’ve gotta get out of here,”

“Fine,” you grumble getting dressed. Waiting for some crack about you being bratty, but none came.

It was a few days before he returned and he was so quiet (for once!) you didn’t notice when he came back in, you were making the bed with your AirPods in, singing along to a Johnny Cash song.

“Early one morning while making the rounds, I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down, went right home and I went to bed, I stuck that loving 44 beneath my head,”

He leaned against the doorway watching you dance and sing to the familiar tune. His hair slowly going pink, you had turned him soft, he just loved seeing you happy. You saw him and grinned.

“Didn’t want to interrupt the show,” he told her walking up to you holding his arms out.

“Hey,” you sighed into his jacket. “I missed you, honey,”

“Me too doll,” he said. You held each other for another minute or so, before he suggested watching a movie. You fired up Shudder and put on one of their original horror films, snuggling with your favorite demon on the couch. Predictably, you fell asleep as he flicked his wrist to the menu once the movie was over. Hours passed and he just loved having you with him he just leeched your heat for the next few hours. Around three am, he heard something, rustling banging like someone was trying to get in. His hair slowly going red as he marched to the source of the noise. The intruder to distracted with the locked jewelry box did not see or hear the demon approaching. He walked close to the intruder’s ear, and made his presence known.

“Boo.” He growled causing the man to scream.

“Oh my God!!” The intruder screamed. Beetlejuice turned his hands palms up, causing flames to light from his palms.

“He ain’t here, should I take a message?” He growled. “What are you doing? Huh? That’s not yours is it? You think it’s okay? Sneak into my breathers house? What if she had been in here? What was your plan?” He made himself taller, turning into a snake, “be very careful about your answer…”

“I-I didn’t take anything! I swear!”

“Drop the jewels,” he hissed. “Her mom gave her that necklace, you touch it and I’ll fucking skin you,” the intruder dropped the sapphire necklace and the earrings.

“GET OUT!!” He screamed, hearing footsteps behind him as you, groggy and scared. Rage took him over and he grabbed the guys throat with his claws.

“BJ?” You squeaked out, glued to the spot. There was a burglar and Beetlejuice went back to a human form just to beat the hell out of him. He punched him once, twice, a third time, blood spattered everywhere. “BJ! Stop! You’re going to kill him!” He ripped the mask off the guy, scared looking kid, blinking at them realizing his mistake. He threw the jewels back at you and tried to get away. Beetlejuice raised claws, and struck the kids neck.

You lunged for the demon afraid of any more damage and threw yourself on his back, you knew he would be too strong in this state to get him off. “Stop honey please,” you whispered. Hearing you he let go, and the intruder limped away from where he came from, empty-handed and battered. He stood there growling, angry at you for making him stop, looking around for something to take the residual rage out on. “Stars shining bright above you,” you sing. “Night breezes seem to whisper, ‘I love you’, birds singing in the sycamore trees, dream a little dream of me,” the red calmed from irate scarlet to a gentle cherry. “Say nightie night and kiss me, just hold me tight and tell me, you miss me, while I’m alone and blue and can be,” pinks and purples washed over him. “Dream a little dream of me,”

“Oh baby,” he husked out enveloping you in his arms. “What if you had been here? What could have happened?”

“Shh, it’s okay,” you soothed. “It’s going to be fine, I’ll call for a better security system in the morning, okay?” He nodded into your neck. You continued singing softly.  “Stars fading, but I linger on dear, still craving your kiss,” you ran your fingers through his bright pink hair as he pulled you into his lap. “I’m longing to linger til dawn, dear, just saying, this,”

“Figured it out?”

“You love me because I’m smart remember?”

“You’re the whole package baby,”

“My brave knight,”

He cleared his throat and rubbed your leg as he nuzzled your neck. “Uh, babes?”

“Yes?”

“…how about an encore?” You giggled kissing his head.

“Stars shining right above you….”

[misslilli]

Felix Felicis

MSR. AU. PG-13. | tagging @today-in-fic | AO3

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10

Chapter 11 - Friday Night's Alright For Fighting

[ FM ]

On Friday, it’s Felix’s mother’s turn to pick him up from school since he’ll be spending the weekend at her place. I briefly wonder if he’ll tell her about his new-found admiration for the enigmatic Miss Scully and for just a little bit, the petty side of me wishes he would. It’s not that she’s a bad mother per se, but she never shared a strong connection with our son and ever since the divorce, it somehow got worse instead of better.

Felix took the divorce pretty hard, lashing out at me and the teacher and kids at kindergarten. There were times when I couldn’t even recognize my own kid. Because of my background in psychology, I tried to talk to him countless times but I finally had to admit that I was too emotionally involved to really help him. So we began to see a therapist back in Washington, D.C, him and I. His mother refused to participate because “He never acts out when he’s at my place, Fox, seems to me like that’s a you-problem.” That day, only the thought of what would become of my son if I went to jail had kept me from murdering her on the spot.

We don’t stay in contact much, except for negotiating pick-up and drop-off times for Felix, and that’s about all I can handle from her. The custody battle was a hot mess, not because she particularly wanted to keep Felix, but she used it to humiliate me, dragging my abilities as a father and caretaker through the mud in front of a judge and our lawyers. I tried to keep Felix out of the court hearings, putting my foot firmly down when her lawyer suggested that we could just ask the child where he wanted to live. He was three years old at the time, fat chance I was going to let that happen.

Thankfully, we were able to convince the judge that I was willing and more than capable of caring for our son and that me working from home was a more child-friendly environment than his mother’s job, which takes her out of the country several times a month.

I take off my reading glasses and close my laptop, this trip down memory lane has put me in a sour mood. After putting away everything work-related for the weekend, I stretch my arms over my head, contemplating what to do with my free time. I don’t have any friends here yet and since I can’t meet anyone at work, I decide to walk down the street to the harbor.

The streets are pretty busy with locals and tourists alike and as I walk past the crowd that stand around the rock that marks the place where the pilgrims debarked the Mayflower back in 1620, I think to myself ‘Guys it’s just a rock. In the ground. Walled in on all four sides.’ I was pretty disappointed, if you couldn’t already guess that.

I continue my walk and pass the dock where you can usually see the Mayflower II anchored, swaying with the waves of the Atlantic. She’s an accurate and beautiful reproduction of the original ship with which the pilgrims had sailed to America, founding Plymouth Colony after 10 gruesome weeks at sea.

Currently though, the dock is empty safe for a few seagulls harassing the tourists – they have taken the ship to a shipyard in Connecticut for restoration, much to Felix’s chagrin. When he heard that we were going to move here, he spent countless hours reading up on the history of Plymouth, the Pilgrims and everything that happened afterwards. He got a real kick out of imagining the American Protestors and the British Government officials dressed up in frilly dresses and huge feathered hats, actually having a fancy tea party instead of the Boston Tea Party, which escalated the American Revolution in 1773.

His special interest, though, had been captured by the Mayflower, which is not surprising because he loves anything that’s big and can transport people or cargo. Planes, helicopters, trains, you name it, but especially ships. On the first night in our new house, he insisted that we leave the boxes packed for now and head down to the harbor, right now.

At first, always the responsible adult, I refused, but he didn’t let up, resorting to pleading with me, then he practically begged me and when I still wouldn’t budge he went in for the kill with his puppy-dog look and a pronounced pout. I could see the tears welling up in his eyes. Damn, he was using my very own look against me!

The tears still came a little while after, when we reached the harbor and found the dock deserted. I wanted to kick myself for not checking if the ship was actually there or not and I had to carry a bawling, devastated Felix back to our house. He only stopped crying when I promised him that we’d go see the Mayflower II the very second she sailed back into the harbor.

After another, more pleasant, trip down memory lane, I had reached my destination: The Cabby Shack, a local bar and restaurant that is made up of an inside bar downstairs and two large decks, the lower one housing the outside bar, the upper one the restaurant.

Making my way through the crowded room, I spotted an empty seat at the bar and ordered a drink aptly named Islands of Misfits. I snorted out a laugh at how accurately it described my situation right now. Island of Misfits alright, inhabitant: 1.

I took a sip of my drink and twirled the tiny umbrella between my fingers when out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone take the seat next to me at the bar.

“Islands of Misfits, huh? Must be bad!” Looking up, I’m surprised to see that it’s Walter Skinner, my son’s principal.

“Yeah, sort of. Sorry, hello sir, it’s nice to see you!” He shakes my hand briefly and orders himself a whiskey on the rocks. Had I been a more insecure man I would’ve felt stupid for my drink choice, but as it was, if I like my drinks sweet and with a cutesy umbrella in it, then that’s what I’ll have. And don’t you dare forget the fucking umbrella!

“So Mr. Mulder, what is it, love troubles?” As a born and raised city boy I have yet to come to terms with small town frankness but I like Principal Skinner and his lack of beating around the bush.

But still, I couldn’t exactly tell him the whole truth, I don’t think he’d appreciate a Actually yes, sir, I’ve been staring at one of your teachers for every damn day of the week and when I’m not busy staring at her, I think about her all the time. I wonder if her kisses taste like strawberries and what her hair smells like. I’m driving myself slowly insane by imagining running my tongue over the spot where her neck meets her shoulder and let me tell you about the dreams I’ve been having real quick. Yeah that won’t fly.

First, he’d kick my ass into the sixth dimension and then he’d have me arrested for gross misconduct or worse, sexual harassment. Even though I’m not sure if that’s really applicable when it only takes place in your mind, it’s still inappropriate as all hell and I’m not going to test out my little theory. I don’t think I’d fare well in jail, to be honest.

So instead, I opt for a more appropriate half-version of the truth. “Yeah, sort of. I had a huge argument with my ex-wife over the phone when she was late picking our son up from school. If I had one, I think my swear jar would be able to buy me my own Island of Misfits. And what’s even worse is that I think my – our son was there to hear at least her end of the fight.” I take a miserable sip from my drink.

“I’m really sorry to hear that, Mr. Mulder. Your son’s name is Felix, right? He’s in Miss Anderson’s first grade?” Thankful for the slight change of topic, I nod.

“Yes, sir, that’s him. We got off to a rocky start but after the first week, he really loves going to school, Mr. Skinner.” The other man shakes his head and offers me his hand once again.

“Please, call me Walter. Outside of school only, of course, you understand.”

I grab his hand and give it a brief shake, smiling wryly. “Of course. I’m Fox but I make everyone call me Mulder. Even my parents. I hate my name.” He huffs out a laugh at that and I can tell that it’s a rare occasion.

“I get the feeling you’re in need of a friend on your island, Mulder not Fox.”

That I do, indeed.

Island of Maybe not such Misfits, inhabitants: 2.

Chapter 12 - A Rainbow In Its Natural Habitat

[jettingtothemoon]

Costume Party

➳ pairing: alucard x trevor x m!reader ➳ genre: fluff, modern au ➳ warnings: swearing, suggestive themes?, alcohol usage ➳ word count: 2337 ➳ rating: pg-15 ➳ summary: In which you and adrian throw trevor a surprise halloween party. ➳ a/n: a request from wattpad

What better place to throw a Halloween party other than Dracula's castle itself? Well, what used to be Dracula's castle. Now, it was your home but it wasn't like you lived here alone.

"Here?" Adrian questioned, looking at your for confirmation that he had chosen the correct place to hang the fake cobwebs.

You smiled, happy to see him taking this seriously despite originally thinking it might not have been a good idea, "Yeah, that's perfect."

It had been your suggestion to prepare a surprise Halloween party for Trevor when he arrived back home. He was in need of some fun, especially after such a long trip. Well, it was only a few days but those few days were very long without him. Both you and Adrian had missed him a great deal.

It's the 21st century so of course, you both called him while he was away but it just wasn't the same as seeing him in person. What better way to welcome him back other than with crazy costumes, fake blood and a keg full of beer? Well, he would at least appreciate the boose.

"Who did you invite again?" Adrian questioned, climbing down from the chair he had previously been standing on.

You finished putting up the last of the decorations in your hand and turned to him, "You know, a few people we know. The castle will be well filled out befitting a great party."

Adrian hummed and walked over to you, "Well, we better get you in a costume before they get here."

With a grin, you happily followed Adrian upstairs to the bedroom. He had already picked out a costume for you, although he made sure to keep it a surprise until this very moment.

"Is that a dress?"

Once again, he hummed and picked up the torn, tattered and bloody white dress, "Trevor will be Frankenstein and you'll be his bride."

After a very brief second of silence, you burst out laughing. It wasn't anything you would have ever expected from Adrian. Actually, you had expected him to make you dress up as a werewolf or a vampire-like himself but no, here he was putting you in a dress.

"Alright then, but doesn't that leave you out?"

"Well, I of course will be Dr Frankenstien himself. A vampire version, obviously. I think that makes me your owner." Adrian explained his idea behind the costumes and how he wasn't left out of it.

You raised an eyebrow and chuckled whilst eyeing up the dress he had prepared for you, "Our owner? I don't think Trevor will like that."

"No, but I'm sure he will be more than pleased to have you as his bride. Oh, and just in case you're not comfortable in the dress I brought some shorts for you to wear underneath."

You smiled and began to change, noticing how Adrian wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was eyeing you up. When you had managed to pull the dress on properly, you tried to reach for the zip only to find that it was out of reach.

As if on cue, Adrian circled around you and slowly began to pull the zip up, "Don't you look pretty."

"I feel ridiculous. You know most of the people coming to this party are my friends right? I will never live this down." You sighed, although you weren't going to oppose wearing the costume Adrian had specifically picked out for you.

"They'll simply be too stunned to care. You look beautiful my love. Now, time for the make-up." He clasped his hands together excitedly.

It was nice to see him enjoying himself. A Halloween party wasn't something Adrian agreed to immediately but the second you told him that he could pick out a costume for both you and Trevor, well, his thoughts on the matter changed entirely.

Make-up was a must for Halloween. Even if it simply meant some face paint and a bit of fake blood. For Adrian, however, it was simply another fun activity to do with you. With a look of complete concentration on his face, Adrian worked his magic and made you look like a bride befitting the undead Frankenstein.

"There, now just let me spray some temporary colour into your hair and we'll be done."

Once your costume was complete, Adrian instructed you to go finish off laying out the snacks and drinks. And so, you left him to change into his own costume and started by lugging the beer kegs into place.

"What the fuck are you wearing?"

A familiar voice echoed from behind you as Trevor ducked under the spooky tunnel you had created at the entrance of the castle out of a few black sheets and lots of string.

You turned around with a smile, "We're having a Halloween party. I'm the Bride of Frankenstein."

"And where is this Frankenstein, huh? I might just have to duel him for his bride's affection."

It was embarrassing just hearing him say it but Trevor had always been a little possessive of you and Adrian. He was just like that with the people he loved.

"That would be you, actually. Come on, we don't have long and you need to get in your costume." Adrian explained, ushering Trevor up the stairs the moment he reached the bottom.

He was already in his costume, although he was only about halfway through spraying the white colour onto his golden hair. It was a simple costume. A white lab coat that was covered in splatters of fake blood, accompanied by the trail of red that ran along the side of his mouth. Of course, to top it off he was colouring his hair and donning a pair of long black gloves. Not to mention, his fangs were on full display for all to see.

"If you try to paint me green I swear to God Adrian..." Trevor grumbled as he followed after the blonde.

Not long after they disappeared upstairs, guests began to arrive. You were left to greet them all, laughing with them when they mentioned how great your costume was. By the time your lovers returned, the castle was flooded with a sea of people, all dressed up in gory costumes that matched perfectly with the decorations you and Adrian had spent the better half of the day putting up.

"I know what you're thinking, such a dashing monster. You know, I'm usually the one killing the monsters, not pretending to be one." Trevor chuckled as he and Adrian rejoined you.

He hadn't had much time to rest after coming back from his trip, if he had any at all, but he didn't seem the least bit tired. In fact, he looked ready to party. Music boomed through the castle, trembling through the very foundations and, like a leaf in the wind, Trevor was blown along with it. Well, blown over to the beer.

Adrian stood by your side, wrapping an arm delicately around your waist as he leaned into you, "You know, I think this is the best idea you've had in a while. Now, whilst he drinks himself into oblivion, why don't we have a little fun ourselves?"

Before you could ask what he meant, you were whisked away into the crowd of bodies. You certainly hadn't invited this many people but you weren't surprised that more people showed up. The news of a Halloween party in the haunted castle must have spread through town rather quickly.

Adrian took your hand in his and danced so slowly with you, despite the fast pace of the music. He wasn't dancing to the music at all. No, he was simply dancing with you. You rested your head against his shoulder with a smile, welcoming his embrace after such a long and tiresome day. Although, you suspected it would be an even longer night.

"Come on you two, stop being so boring and drink with me!" Trevor yelled over the music, interrupting you and Adrian as he grabbed both of you and pulled you over to where the drinks were.

Trevor was never one for romance, although he had his moments. Now, however, was not one of them.

He shoved a pint of beer into your hand and then passed one to Adrian, who sighed with a roll of his eyes and downed the drink in one. You soon followed suit. The pints soon turned into shots and, before long, the three of you were really rather drunk. With a hearty laugh, Trevor wrapped his arm around your shoulder, his entire weight falling onto you for a brief moment before he found his feet again.

"We should do this all the time."

You chuckled, "Do what? Dress up as monsters and party?"

"No. Drink, party and fuck to our hearts' content!" Trevor declared with yet another laugh.

It was nice seeing him having fun without any stress. He liked to stress. Too many monsters to kill, not enough monsters to kill. Not enough time at home with you and Adrian, too much time stuck at home. He was hard to please but always told the two of you how you made his life worth living, even if mostly when he was drunk or simply feeling extra sappy.

"You know, we haven't actually done that last one yet." You smirked.

Just because Trevor wasn't home for a few days didn't mean that you and Adrian hadn't, well, had sex. Of course you had but there was something about it when it wasn't all three of you, it just wasn't complete. Enjoyable, yes. But in the end you'd always wind up lying in bed wondering what Trevor was up to, amusing yourselves by joking about how he was probably lying in bed all grumpy because the two of you weren't by his side. He always missed you when he went on his trips and the two of you certainly missed him. Adrian went with him sometimes which meant that you were home all on your own until they returned, although they always made sure not to be gone for too long.

"That is true. Think we can ditch our own party and head upstairs?"

Before you could answer, Adrian stumbled past yelling out nonsense right before collapsing onto the sofa.

"Or not." Trevor sighed, although you simply giggled at the state Adrian was in.

Neither Trevor or Adrian were good at holding their beer but, when it came to Trevor at least he could function somewhat rationally no matter how smashed he was. Adrian, on the other hand, was and will always be a paralytic drunk.

"Let's get him to bed." You chuckled, dragging Trevor along to help you carry Adrian up the stairs.

The blonde grinned at you and extended his arms out towards you as if he knew what was happening, grabbing at the air between the two of you as he slurred, "Up, up. Let's gooooo."

You shook your head and went to help him up but, before you could, Trevor had beaten you to it, "Can't have my bride tugging this sack of potatoes up the stairs, can I?"

"Just get him to bed, I'll clear everyone out. What time even is it? One? Two in the morning?"

"Three. It's almost three in the morning." Trevor groaned and threw Adrian's arm around his neck as he gently picked him up.

With a nod, you headed over to the speaker, unplugging it before yelling at the top of your lungs that the party was over. You thanked everyone for coming as the left, sounding almost like a broken record as the swarm of bodies passed you and began heading home. There were a couple of people completely lying around but, after checking they were all still alive, you decided to just leave them to their sleep and sleepily began to head for your room.

When you got there, neither Adrian nor Trevor was anywhere to be seen. It didn't take long to find them though, you simply followed the sound of someone being sick until you reached the bathroom. And there they were. Adrian with his head down the toilet and Trevor, sweetly holding his hair back and rubbing circles into his back.

"This is your fault." Adrian sulked before throwing up what was left in his stomach.

Trevor simply continued to rub those soothing circles into his back and, once Adrian was done, allowed him to fall back against him, "I know, I know. I'm sorry."

"Let's get you to bed." You yawned, crouching down beside Adrian before you helped Trevor get him back on his feet.

The three of you staggered along back to your bed. Adrian was the first to flop down into it, his hair splaying out on the pillow as he landed on his side of the bed. 

Trevor noticed you were struggling with the dress and came to help you unzip it. Although he didn't stop there and also went as far to push it over your shoulders until it fell onto the floor.

"You had to be wearing shorts under it." He sighed and buried his head into the crook of your neck.

You chuckled, "That's never stopped you before."

He hummed against your skin, kissing it softly before letting go and allowing you to step out of the dress. For tonight the paint, fake blood, hair colouring and make-up with have to say but there was no way you were going to wear that uncomfortable costume to bed. Trevor seemed to agree, at least to some extent, and pulled off his shirt before climbing in beside Adrian, carefully pushing his long hair over so that he wouldn't lie on it.

"Come on then." He spoke with a soft voice and lifted his arm so that you could lie against him.

You didn't waste a moment and crawled onto the large bed, squeezing up against Trevor as you rested your head against his chest.

Adrian, who you had both expected to have already conked out by now, rolled over and placed a hand on the other side of Trevor's chest with a sleepy smile, "We missed you."

"Yeah, yeah. I missed you too." He spoke with a slight blush, although you were certain that was because of the alcohol.

And so, snuggled together in bed, you finally fell asleep as three once again.

[imagine-loki]

Blood Dahlia

TITLE: Blood Dahlia  CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 1 AUTHOR: Flowerhoe  ORIGINAL IMAGINE:  Imagine you're an assassin in an omegaverse that's been hired to kill Loki but he catches you. Instead of killing or imprisoning you, he binds you to Asgard as one of his personal guards under both princely and alpha authority, hoping to cure his boredom by watching you slowly lose your mind being stuck in his presence. RATING:  Overall: M Current Chapter: PG

NOTES/WARNINGS: This is my first fanfic in a loooooong time so bear with me. I’m new to submissions but hopefully all goes well and you guys can enjoy my stories. 

I occasionally live-write and you can access the google doc here. You can check it whenever for updates or you can pm me and I can add you to a ping list for when I decide to live-write. Emjoy!

~~~~

  The backwater bars of the galaxy always smelled the same, the scent of piss and cheap ale rising up from the often basement level pubs like smog. Dahlia had come to enjoy these places, seeing as they existed in every realm, they were as if home followed her. Now, whether backwater pubs feeling like home was a good thing was up for speculation, but was a concern she generally ignored.

Other than ordinarily enjoying not being sober, places like this were prime spots for hunting contracts, especially on Vanaheim’s less than lucrative market which drew in smaller but far more simple cases; the most exciting thing you’d usually find in Vanaheim as an assassin were back-alley squabbles and the occasional intimidation job. While small talent gigs generally paid less, there were plenty to be found to make up for the lack of effort they required, as well as the pay difference. 

“Hey Daffodil,” a scruffy-looking Vanir manning the rugged bar chuffed, waiting to continue until she met his eyes.

“It’s Dahlia.”

“Yeah yeah, Dandelion. Look, you’ve been here for hours and ordered one drink. If you keep holding up the bar I’m gonna have to ask you to switch to a table or somethin.” Dahlia just waved the man off, flicking a gold piece across the counter in annoyance. The bartender grumbled, slapping a meaty hand over the coin and dragging it away. “Better keep ordering,” the Vanir groused as he sloshed another tankard her way, nearly hitting her in the chest with the cheap ale within. Dahlia shot him a glare, catching it right before it could ruin her currently dry clothes. “I’m waiting for contracts. I’ll order when I order.”

“Contracts, aye?” the bartender huffed, dropping a few glasses into a tub of gray day-old dishwater. “There’s a Sakaarian that dropped off a datalink looking for someone to take up a job. People’ve been rejecting it for days. I haven’t seen it but it seems like it pays well. I’ll forward the contract your way,” he hummed, nodding towards the datapad on her arm before tapping something behind the counter. 

Dahlia looked down at her arm as the device beeped, tapping the notification that popped up on its surface. Of the many contracts Dahlia had been offered, this one was by far the only one with that many zeros in the pay bar. Unsurprisingly, the zeros had been the first thing she’d seen, instilling a giddy bit of excitement in her; with this kind of money, she’d be able to retire at the ripe old age of nine hundred and thirty-four. Well, retire for the next thousand years or so. Sadly, the next thing she saw was the name a few lines above that wonderfully long series of numbers, Loki Laufeyson. By instinct Dahlia almost hit reject immediately, stopping herself halfway through the motion; those were a lot of zeros.

“Who’d you say offered the contract?” the Asgardian asked, tearing her eyes from the name long enough to meet the Vanir’s gaze. He just shrugged, beginning to wipe the counter with a dirty rag.

“Some Sakaarian. Didn’t leave a name. That serious huh? The rest of em just rejected and left in a tizzy. Gave a generous tip.“ Dahlia could hear the tone in his voice with the last part, feeling the directed intent he put behind it. He continued when she didn’t react. “I don’t read the contracts on principle, but whatever’s on there gotta be pretty serious to spook off so many of you folks.” 

The Asgardian just hummed, downing her drink quickly and standing from her stool. And turning to leave. “Thanks. Though I’d start reading your contracts if I were you. You’d get tried for treason if anyone with any common sense found out this kind of contract cycled through here.” The bartender just shrugged and went back to wiping the counter, apparently having heard similar before. 

Stepping out of the dank pub Dahlia made her way up the steps and over to where she’d hitched her horse, untying the large stallion and swinging into the saddle. Once the pair had left the village proper Dahlia zoned out into her datapad, eyes locked between the zeros and the name. In truth, she was tempted to ask Átthagi what he thought of the job. She knew the horse had no answers, but he’d been along for so many of her money-guided escapades she was sure if he could talk he’d have something to say about the matter. 

On one hand, she was Asgardian, and a well-trained one at that; she’d have easier access to the palace than most. On another, she was Asgardian; if she did this, she’d never be able to go back home again. Of course, that point was moot given just how many zeros were in that pay bar. She wouldn’t really need to come back to Asgard with that much money in her pockets. That didn’t really cover just how far Asgard would extend its power to find her should she kill their prince. Then again, this was Loki. 

Dahlia hadn’t been home in years, favoring the other realms to fill her time and her pockets as compared to the dreariness of Asgard. For some of the other races, Asgard seemed like a paradise of plenty, filled with bountiful feasts and general prosperity. While all of this was reality, Asgard never seemed to change much. Yes, there was an occasional royal scandal or other realmly rabble-rousers, the planet itself was stuck in endless repetition and had been since the fall of Hela. While the peace was nice, Asgard was no home for someone like her. 

She sighed, looking at the datapad again. Fuck it, she thought, pushing the green-hued accept button. She might as well go out with a bang with billions of units on the line than die in some back-alley dump with only a couple hundred to her name. 

[escapewriter]

Light of My Life

pairing : minghao x reader

synopsis : what’s better than celebrating your boyfriend’s birthday rapunzel style?

genre : whole lotta fluff and a bit of humor

word count : 2k

warnings : slight mentions of murder but its a joke

a/n : for minghao’s birthday😌 it isnt a lot like how i wanted but it does justice lol. also, lets pretend they weren’t by the ocean lol

svt written masterlist || main masterlist

You sat in your apartment opening the box you received from the mail today. Jun had helped you plan this date for Minghao for his birthday and this item would complete the whole date. You pulled out the lanterns that were in a plastic bag and scanned them. 

“Perfect,” You place them carefully in the picnic basket, finally set for your date with Minghao tomorrow. You heard your phone buzz on the table.

Minghao : hi yn, what you up to?

You smiled at his text, grateful that he took the time to text you even with his busy schedule 

You : i am currently preparing for our date tomorrow :D

Minghao : ooo how exciting. can i know what you have planned??

You : you should know the answer to that question 

Minghao rolled his eyes as he stared at his screen. Of course you would turn the tables on him, he always made your dates a surprise. 

Minghao : no fair :(

You : how is this not fair??

Minghao : cuz i want to know lol. 

You contemplated but stood your ground; you can’t tell him. 

You : guess you just have to find out tomorrow. 

Minghao sighed, giving up on attempting to find out what you have planned. 

Minghao : fine. but don’t think ill tell you what i have planned for your birthday. 

You : yeah yeah i know. dont you still have practice?

He looked at the clock in the practice room and then to some of his members who were sitting on the floor or standing. 

Minghao : yeah i should probably get going. its late too, you should sleep. 

You : i will dont worry. stay safe and dont push yourself. 

Minghao : i wont. goodnight my love, i love you.

You : i love you too. 

You locked your phone and took the basket, placing it on the kitchen counter. Tomorrow was going to be an eventful day. 

~

You placed the basket with all the supplies you needed in the trunk of your car, deciding to make it a surprise. Taking the other basket that you prepared this morning with various types of food, you put it in the backseat behind the drivers side. Getting in, you started the car and headed to Minghao’s dorm. 

You tapped the wheel in excitement, you finally get to have some part of the day with Minghao before his birthday. It was November 6th, so it wasn’t exactly his birthday, but you did get to have him until midnight and that’s all that counts. And it made your plan perfect. 

You got to the parking garage and texted your boyfriend that you were downstairs waiting. After 5 minutes, you see the elevator open and Minghao step out, looking as handsome as ever. 

He approached the car and got into the passenger seat, giving you a quick kiss. “Hi,” he smiled at you, “Hi,” you smiled back. You began to pull out of the building, picking up a small conversation with each other.

“How was the drive?” You turned down the radio, “Same as usual, smooth, nothing wrong, I was safe.” He smiled, happy that you had a decent ride, “That’s good. So, where are we going?”

You took your eyes off the road to look at him for a split second before focusing back on the road. A grin creeped onto your face, “You’ll find out soon Hao. Be patient, you’ll love it.”

“No, I know I’ll love it, I just have to let my manager know because of protocol,” You sighed, “Is that really the reason?” He looked outside the window, playing with his rings, “Half of it, they told me to have fun.” 

You smiled and turned up the radio, “Shut up and enjoy the ride baby. Trust, you’ll enjoy it more.”

~

“This is nice,” Minghao sighed beside you on the picnic blanket. “Yeah it is.”

All the food in the basket was empty, mainly Minghao devouring most of it. “So, what are we gonna do now?” You looked at the time on your phone. Sun sets at 6:45 and it’s 3:50. You have three hours for what you have planned so it should be enough. 

“I’ll be right back, I have to get something.” You got up quickly and retrieved the extra basket that was in the trunk. You returned to Minghao, “Ta da!” 

“More food??” You laughed and sat down in your place, “No, an activity. Jun actually helped me with the idea.” You opened up the basket, taking out of the things you packed inside, “What is this YN?” He picked up one of the lanterns. 

“It’s a lantern. I packed all these art supplies so we could decorate them and light them up and release them. Originally, I wanted to do it at midnight because that’s when your actual birthday is, but the timing wasn’t right, and plus it’s dangerous during nighttime.” 

He looked at you with his mouth agape, “That’s so,,, thoughtful. I can’t believe you came up with this.” 

“Actually Jun-” “-let’s just give you the credit for now.” You smiled at him as he leaned over and kissed you on the lips. You held his face in place as his right hand was planted in between the two of you so he wouldn’t lose balance. Pulling away, you smiled at each other, “Happy Birthday my love.” 

“Thank you, I love you so much. Now! Let's get to painting!”

~

“My lantern looks like crap oh my god,” you looked at the blue blob on your cylinder object. “I’m sure it looks fine YN, just keep going.” You put down the paint brush and looked at your boyfriend. 

He’s been in ‘The8’ mode ever since you two started painting. He didn’t want you to see what he was making, so it became a rule that when you both finish, that’s when you present your pieces to each other. 

“I don’t know why you’re not letting me see yours, it’s not like I haven’t seen you paint before.” You continued to try and make your blob look presentable by drawing a happy face, “You know, when you took me out here in like the middle of nowhere, I thought you would’ve killed me, broken up with me and left me here to starve, or go cloud watching.”

You looked at him with a weird face, “Well for one thing, there are no clouds today. And two, I wouldn’t have let you starve, that’s too painful.” You finally looked up at you, “So you would’ve killed me?” 

You purse your lips, “Would you rather starve to death?” He rolled his eyes and looked back down at his artwork. 

“I get that Jun helped you with this, but like, how did the idea come about?” You painted mindlessly while pondering on an answer, “Well I thought of you and what you would like, even if you said anything. But I just thought about what you meant to me, like how lanterns are bright when you light them up, and when you release them, they float. It’s a really bad metaphor, but you’re like my lantern. You’re the light of my life and every time I’m with you, I’m always on cloud nine. Plus it fits with your culture.”

He was looking at you when you tried to sneak a peek at his lantern. “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t just see you try to look at my lantern. But besides the point, that was really cheesy, but I love you.” You smiled and put down the brush. 

“Well, I’m done with mine.” You looked at him, seeing him also set down his brush, “Me too. Do we let it dry and assemble it?” You contemplated on your answer for a bit, “Uhh, I could probably assemble mine because it looks like trash anyway, but if you like yours, let it dry a little and then assemble it.” 

~

Minghao just finished assembling his lantern after it dried for a bit. It was currently 6:50, the sky was just turning into various shades of orange, pink and purple. “Okay, wanna see mine now?” You looked at your boyfriend and he held his lantern behind his back, “Show me.”

He brought it in front of him and lifted it up, slowly turning it to see the details that he drew on. “Wow, it looks beautiful, I can’t really see it.”

He brought it back down and signaled for you to scoot closer, “This here, is the bouquet of your favorite flower that I got you for Valentines Day,” You smiled as he turned it a little to move to the next picture, “This is the tree that we sat by on one of our dates. The one where a bird pooped on you,” You laughed and slightly hit his shoulder, “I can’t believe you put that there.”

“How could I not? It was an amazing memory. Anyway, this is a drawing of our matching bracelets, I didn’t want to paint it because I thought it would ruin it, so it’s a bit plain.” You shook your head, “No it’s beautiful.” He turned it to the final piece.

“This is a picture of us, or a silhouette of us. We’re watching the lanterns fly up into the beautiful sky together.” You felt a tear drop fall from your eye, “Aw crap what the fuck? Why am I crying?” You giggled and quickly tried wiping away the tears with your hands as Minghao laughed beside you. 

He put down his lantern and pulled you in closer to him, “Why are you crying though, baby?” You sniffed, “Because this is a celebration for you, and I feel like I should’ve painted something beautiful for you.” You kissed your forehead softly, “I don’t care what you paint baby, as long as I’m here with you, it doesn’t matter.”

“I kinda don’t want to release that one, it’s too beautiful.” He looked at you with a pout, “but I painted the future.” 

You laughed, checking your phone, “Okay fine. It’s 7:10, we should light it up now.” 

You both got up, lanterns in your hands. Grabbing a lighter, you lit yours and then Minghao’s, “Ready YN?” You held the hand that he held out, “I feel like I’m in high school musical,” he laughed, squeezing your hand, “Keep it PG, we do not makeout in public.”

“Okay,” You rolled your eyes with a smile, “On the count of three.” You both gazed into each other’s eyes, “1. 2. 3.” 

You both let go of the lanterns and saw them slowly float into the sun-kissed sky. You felt Minghao release your hand before hearing jazz music begin to play and feeling his arms wrap around your waist, swaying softly to the music. 

“Of course jazz music.” You heard him chuckle behind you, “Well, you can’t blame me, it’s a perfect time for it.” You smiled and leaned more into his embrace.

“Did you like the date?” He hummed in response, his chin on your shoulder, “It was perfect. I loved it a lot, thank you for making this special for me.” 

“Of course. It’s, well almost your big day after all.” You turned around, placing your hands on his shoulders and his on your waist. “Happy Birthday my love,” He smiled at you, heart filled with love and happiness as he looked into your eyes more. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss to your lips, taking your breath away. You would never get tired of this feeling. 

Pulling away, you smiled at each other before he looked up, “We should take a picture.” He took out his phone from his pocket, pausing the music and switching on the camera. He held it at a low angle to get the lanterns in the picture, but also getting the sunset in the background.

“Say cheese!” Instead of smiling at the camera, you placed your lips on his cheek, him capturing the moment perfectly. “You sly person,” you giggled and quickly pecked his lips. You grabbed his phone and resumed the jazz music. 

Hold out your hand, “I believe we were dancing earlier?” He gave you a smirk and took your hand into his before pulling you closer, the two of you watching the sunset and dancing slowly to the sound of jazz.