#or. or. do i do what i always do and blab

[tan1shere]

Eyes

A/n: just thought of this small idea, I'm obsessed with it 😩

Warnings - suggestiveness ? No actual smut but still smithyish Heavy eye contact :p || masterlist

"I just can't believe it comes out in a few days." You smile wide, moving on the couch as you say those words. Billie, watching you blab about a new season of some show you obsess over. She was always a great listener, forever maintaining eye contact. But sometimes when you'd catch her looking, you'd get extreme butterflies. That's so silly, shes your best friend! But the way she holds it even when you do look at her, never fails to make you internally scream. Today wasn't too much different. Except one thing. Right when you look at her she bites her lip. You stop in your tracks finding words impossible as they slip away from you. "Keep talking." She then says.

This eye contact was driving you nuts and you had to look away. "Uhm, I just. Can't wait to see my favorite character again, I love her." Your eyes move to hers, seeing that they're still on you. "Oh yeah?" She knows exactly what game she's playing, considering you've stopped your blab session. "Who else is your favorite." Not once did her eyes move, the droopy position made your thighs clench, and suddenly you didn't even hear the question. "Huh?" You say realizing she had said something. "I asked you." She moves a little closer. "Who else is your favorite character." You breathe through your nose, having it whistle slightly. "Her, sister she-" You stop for a moment.

Her hand casually rests on your upper thigh. What was happening. "She. Uhm. She's one of the-" You physically couldn't. "Billie.." You whisper. She hums, keeping her eyes glued on you. Your head was down finding it nearly impossible to look at her right now. "Whyd you stop?" She asked. You sigh out, looking at her fairy covered hand. Focusing on her rings. "For someone who was very talkative you've gone awfully quiet." You now bite your lip. Knowing within seconds you'd probably moan pathetically. That same damn hand makes its way up further, your breath catching at the back of your throat. "B-bil-" You somehow get out.

She nods, slowly as you say that. This was impossible to not do anything about. So you give her pleading eyes, but. She does something you didn't expect. "When does it come out again?" Her hand retracts leaving you bewildered. This motherfucker.

Tags - @trulyy-yourzz @eilishslut @chrissv4mp @n0vabug @dollyvuu @dollarbils @sweetcherriexs

[parkerlug]

*seungmin x reader (GN)*

(just a little blab or wtv test run if you will, btw seungmin is my bias so im sorry if you see him…a lot on here)

Seungmin: hey babe, do you wanna go with me and hyunjin to go watch the wicked movie?

Y/N: i’m assuming you mean you are inviting me to a 2 hour third wheel while my boyfriend can fan girl with his boyfriend ? yeah no

Seungmin: what?!? third wheel??!? what are you talking about! i always cuddle you and buy you snacks at the movies!

Y/N: last time we went to the movies and Chan was with us you left the theatre without me and didn’t realize until you had already gotten home.

Seungmin: I- i was tired! and you didn’t even text me to tell me!

Y/N: I GAVE YOU MY PHONE TO HOLD WHILE I WENT TO THE RESTROOM

Seungmin: *guilty*….so no movies?

Y/N: no.

hope you enjoyed! very very short:/ i’m working on it guys i’m new..bare with me…*gulp* let me know what else y’all would like to see i’m up for *ANY* suggestions! :)

[anachronismstellar]

Oh. I love this, I love this so fucking much hold on *cracking my fingers* I have a paper to procrastinate

--------

It started after the Human and Demon realm decided to sign an agreement and keep the peace as best as they could. Not to say that there was no conflict, far from it, but Yue Qingyuan had to admit that things were mostly peaceful. And such peace had repercussions.

For him it meant less high stake missions, his work turning into a more diplomatic/administrative one. And maybe that was why he was one of the first to notice Shang Qinghua's transformation, as they had to work closely not just to keep Yue Qingyuan updated on An Ding business but also to be aware of the politics in the Demon realm as well.

He had never payed his Shidi such attentions, one because his heart would forever belong to Xiao Jiu, second because Shang-shidi was always hiding himself behind or under piles of paper and practical boring robes, It was hard to look at his Shidi and see him as something more than a coworker. Even when they had to attend prestigious political parties, it was as if Shang Qinghua made an effort to blend among the crowd, doing his utmost to not call attention to himself.

Which brought him back to when he first realized how handsome his Shidi really was.

It was just another boring week of paperwork and preparations to receive a huge delegation of a young Sect from faraway mountains. His meeting with Shang Qinghua was scheduled to be held in the middle of the morning, and it had been delayed by half an hour already. Which was unusual, but Yue Qingyuan also had been held back by another meeting, so he wasn't paying much attention to the time anyway.

Until a portal made of shadows and ice opened right in the middle of his office, and stumbling out of it came Shang Qinghua, cheeks reddened by the cold.

That was normal. That Yue Qingyuan had seen plenty of times.

What he wasn't expecting was the brocaded silk outer robes, the wide sleeves showing a pattern of tiny snowflakes building up at the edges, forming a gradient from deep blue to white. Another surprise was his hair, flowing down his shoulders in waves of soft warm brown in a half up hairdo, held up by a beautiful silver guan with sapphires glittering under the sunlight.

Yue Qingyuan had to blink, holding back his hands from rubbing his eyes.

"I am so, so sorry, Zhangmen-shixiong, we had a huge problem with one of the elders today, and then I had to reschedule my King's entire day, and then a delegation from the south came-"

"It's..." he held both his hands up to calm down the peak lord, deciding to use his old and gold tactic with his most anxious Shidi: smile and nod. "It's no problem, my meeting also got delayed. But Shidi should have told me that the Northern Desert was holding a party, I would have postponed our meeting for another day."

"Party?" Shang Qinghua seemed genuinly confused for a second, then looking down at himself, the red on his cheeks becoming darker. "Oh! You mean- No, no, don't worry, Zhangmen-shixiong, these are just- Uh. My King gave me these and, well, I've been saving them for special occasions but after the world almost ending it felt silly not to- Ah. I don't wanna say indulge, that's not the word..."

"I... I see," he understood the sentiment behind it, somewhat, although he wasn't expecting Shang Qinghua to be the seize the day or we only life once type of person. "Shidi looks very nice." and his comment got him another deep blush as Shang Qinghua started to blab about everything and nothing at all, setting his papers over Yue Qingyuan's desk.

------

It kept happening.

After that day, Yue Qingyuan started to pay a bit more attention on the An Ding peak lord. It was like watching a rare flower blow for the first time, yellow and blue petals shyly expanding into full glory. Long forgotten were the too bright yellow robes, replaced by warmer tones with patterns and stones worthy of a prestigious lord and diplomat of two realms.

But if anyone would ask Yue Qingyuan, the most striking change had been Shang Qinghua's physical appearance. The half hair do became a permanent feature, showing off soft curls giving him a younger image. Which was funny in contrast of how mature and more relaxed Shang Qinghua presented himself now: impeccable posture without an once of hesitation while dealing with difficult Lords and Ladies, securing deals left and right as if the world had no other choice but to bow down to his whims.

It was a good look on him. It was a headache for Yue Qingyuan.

He was happy for his Shidi! He was! He knew how hard life had been for all of them, Shang Qinghua specially. He was one of the few peak lords that shared a similar origin to Yue Qingyuan, clawing up his path from poverty to power with sweat and tears. And although he had betrayed the Sect and put them in a very delicate position, it was undeniable that, without Shang Qinghua, Cang Qiong Sect wouldn't be half as organized as they were, or an ounce prosperous. There was a reason why he accepted the An Ding peak lord back.

He just wished for the marriage proposals to stop coming.

"This one will pass along Lord's Jiǎ Tiānbà message, and analyze your offer with most care," he repeated his patterned answer to the fourth- fifth? Merchant lord trying to get his daughter married to the An Ding peak lord. And it was only the middle of the month.

This time he barely waited for his office door to be closed to throw the proposal on the pile with the other ones. He really thought that the lord had approached them with the intent of doing business, he had prepared himself for that, set an entire hour for negotiations only to be bombarded by demands of downy numbers and his Shidi's birthday.

For the first time in many years he wondered if it was too early to start drinking. In his defense, he had lunch before the meeting, so maybe not? He could use a cup of wine.

Before he could reach out for his cabinet, a portal opened in the middle of his office, just as the day when this entire Shang Qinghua being too handsome had begun. But instead of a handsome human, a powerful demon King crossed the shadows, dressed up for a diplomatic war, as if he were to attend the Emperor's court instead of Yue Qingyuan's office.

He didn't panic because he had spoken to Shang Qinghua not long ago and he had warned Yue Qingyuan that his King would seek for an appointment. He should be a bit more concerned about the fact that a Demon King was able to breach the top security talismans plastered all over his walls, but that would come later. Now he stood up to bow to the Demon, eyeing suspiciously at the thick parchment being delicately held between dark claws.

"Mobei-jun. Shang-shidi mentioned that Mobei-jun were to request a meeting with this lord. How can this sect leader be of assistance?"

Mobei-jun bowed back, a bit lower than Yue Qingyuan was expecting, as he extended the parchment towards the human, waiting for him to open before start speaking:

"This Mobei-jun would like to request Sect Leader Yue Qingyuan the hand in marriage of the An Ding Peak Lord and my Advisor, Shang Qinghua, as it is the costume between humans."

Yue Qingyuan did not freeze because he had better control than that, and he honestly should have seen this coming. What he did instead was read the proposal. Most of it was just formalizing old agreements, but he couldn't help but notice how the Demon King had sweetened the deal with treasures beyond compare, along with medicinal plants that only grew in the arid Northern Desert.

"This Sect Leader is honored by Mobei-jun's request, and thanks Mobei-jun for his generous offer," he said as he rolled the parchment close, bowing deeply. "This Sect Leader will bring this matter to Shang-shidi's attention, and offer an answer as soon as possible."

They said their goodbyes, Mobei-jun leaving his office by another portal, and this time Yue Qingyuan didn't set aside the proposal with the rest of the growing pile.

Honestly? He was glad. It was past time those two resolved their weird relationship. And if it worked out, which it would, he and the entire mountain could see how in love the Demon King and the An Ding Lord were, it would solve his perky problem once and for all.

Now, if only he could find someone for Liu-shidi so he could never stare at another marriage proposal ever again...

---------

Ta-da!

Now back to college stuff I go ;-; adiufhusdfhuisdfh

AU/Headcanon

People didn't realize how good sqh looked because he never cared for himself, nor did he have time to do so. But once he was no longer constantly stressed about getting killed by MBJ, he got into a better self-care routine. People began to notice that although he doesn't have the same sharp features as SQQ, he still possesses smooth skin and soft features. He almost looks like pre-abyss LBH with his big eyes and curly hair. SQQ would unconsciously squish SQH's round cheeks and pet his head because that's what he did to LBH when he was younger.

Unlike the other peak lords, SQH was approachable and more social, so the number of people, both human and demon, asking YQY for SQH's hand in marriage exponentially increased. YQY was able to swiftly and politely reject all of them until MBJ teleported into his office, handing him a letter and glaring at him until he opened it. YQY stared at the content of the letter, exhausted from the whole ordeal. He just sighed and told MBJ that he'd send an official response.

He thought he only had to chase off SQQ and LQG admirers. But now he has to do more work chasing off SQH's admirers. SQH went out on more missions and socialized with more people for trades than SQQ and LQG, so he's charming people left and right without even realizing it. He really hopes MBJ succeeds in courting SQH. YQY couldn't deal with rejecting people any longer.

[coffeebanana]

to share the fic idea or not to share the fic idea

[amelia-yap]

Hi, how is college fairing?

it's been a little frustrating but otherwise mostly alright, thanks for asking! hope you're having a nice dayyy

[dykedvonte]

why do you hate Joshua Graham or Honest Hearts so much?

This DLC and character represents a bigger issue with fandom spaces I have but particularly fallout fandom in general.

Fallout tends to tackle a lot of topics controversial and not. The first two games it’s heavy cause they are the most satirical and direct with how anti-war, nationalism and etc… they are. 3 loses this as it’s very clear once you play or learn about all the games that Todd and a bunch of guys at Bethesda just liked the 50s post apocalyptic aesthetic and refuse to actually critique the ideals of the time period like the earlier titles.

New Vegas is the game that really gets back into it a degree it almost seems like it’s taking too much on. There are things done exceedingly well while other things are done horribly wrong . I’ve made posts about it before and plan to make a big series of posts (it’s a lot of writing) but my biggest gripe is with Honest Hearts and all the gross and white savior esque depictions it has of indigenous peoples. The entirety if FNV does not do the injustices faced by indigenous people correctly on any count. My two biggest complaints are with the Khans and the tribes in Zion but I’ll talk about the former on a different post.

Both characters of Daniel and Joshua are the most accurate depiction of white saviors I’ve seen and I hate how the DLC tries to justify and defend them. The DLC treats Joshua like this man who has repented for his past actions when he is just retracing his steps after his cruelty bit him in the ass. He was one of the worst parts of the Legion and it is all but explicitly stated that if you don’t force him to be non-violent he will turn the tribes of Zion into the legion 2.0. The Dead Horses and the Sorrows are horribly infantilized by both Daniel and Joshua who both use them for self serving purposes guised by religious duty. The White Legs are the horrible stereotype of violent and savage indigenous and I personally think a lot of their interlinking with Ulysses, his hair and Ulysses character in general are distasteful and very telling of how BIPOC or POC where involved.

But outside of the game it’s the weird obsession people have with these characters ideologies and trying to make them seem more interesting/philosophical than they are. Tumblr is an echo chamber and many fans of Fallout are not the people on this site. Many people are not educated in the issues these characters convey and how poorly they do or used these characters as a poor introduction for their takes. Contrary to what a lot of people believe in, fallout has a prediomeny white cis male fanbase. More importantly a large portion of the fanbase is white.

You can joke how FNV made you trans or see the numbers on post/fics or diverse headcanons but these are kiddy numbers compared to the millions that consume the franchise and aren’t in those more aware spaces or don’t engage in the spaces the same way someone like me does/has to. Their views shape a lot more than people realize and it’s exhausting to be in a space where people don’t correct the more subtle yet toxic aspects of it but also adopt them into some weird quirky view point on the characters or issues. Some people don’t realize and some people don’t care.

My main issue is just the idolizing of these sort of thing in this fandom space and people try to acts like a game like fallout whose tagline is “War never changes” and has never had a game not revolve around political or militaristic factions issues isn’t that deep or doesn’t relate to real issues. I think it’s mainly caused by how over powered you can become and how you can strong arm your way past these learning moments as majority of people who play this game do play it as a power fantasy where they can do so as they please (which of course, go ahead it’s fun) but never take in parallels or lessons in the story as if it was just another first person shooter.

Also like another personal gripe is Cazadores spawn like hell whenever I’m there and I have not found a mod that works to mod them out so I have to play Indigenous Racism the DLC while getting jumped by giant wasps WHILE helping Mormons. Like I cannot catch a break.

[its-a-beautful-day]

Been thinking about how it feels, being the wild child

the struggle of not feeling human, when emotions get too strong,

when hands feel like paws and teeth become fangs, shoulders and hunches raised in anger and low growls of fear,

somehow this body language is easier, is more natural than my own

[tvheadfalls]

looking at websites about taxes (scary) wanna start doing commissions next year (for real this time) (even scarier) bc my mom doesnt have a job anymore either (we're fine rn but still. lots of scary things)

[luv-again]

sometimes I have to remind myself word count does not equal worth/quality

[megacarapa]

my diary has become like a chimera bc i keep switching languages back and forth depending on which language i remember a word in first

[theloveinc]

don’t crucify me guys…… what we doing abt the Neil mailman thing

[cosmicpines]

I'm not done listening to the Alex Hirsch interviews but god it just reminds me both of how much I miss this show and how much I appreciate the love and care that went into it. I love listening to him talk about the characters with a frankness and care that shows how much he values them being three dimensional beings.

[zerothisnero]

DUDE YOU JOKE but i genuinely sat out there for like an hour after the power shut off playing on my switch and listening to the rain and wind with some strawberries & cream dr pepper (good to know youre alive tho bro,, we stay winnin)

Glad to see ur alive too Cat hopefully Florida is done trying to kill us for a bit 😔🫶

[constantineshots]

these were some of the tags on the post where john was commenting on if facing demons was because he being self-destructive or if he was being enraged. i say both, and very much do agree with the tags, but i'm putting what i have to say on it under the cut because it's going to be a lot. trigger warnings for abuse, mentions of death/animal deaths, depression, etc. also a bit of rambling. this also somehow turned into psychoanalyzing. oopsie.

naturally, john and i have vastly different experiences regarding life, but i think there's a connect that helps me see things through his lens a lot more clearly, especially when it comes to the psychological.

just a bit of recap on my life i guess, but i'll just say "i got abused" and we'll move on from there. i can connect, in sum.

while john has newcastle and the deaths of friends under his belt, the abuse of his father, the blame of the death of his mother ( though i can't remember if he knew about his twin or not, but i don't think he did ), the magic, the killing animals, the killing of that one man all weighing on his shoulders and then much, much more, the trauma left behind was something i could easily connect with because of the depression, the self-destruction, the instances where even he himself is debating on suicide and alludes to it consistently, while also doing things to save his own ass but also that could very easily kill him. it's conflicting.

for me, i was angry and self-destructive because i felt like the world hated me. i'm sure if there was some form of power that i thought could help make me feel more powerful and i had less of an obligation to my siblings of whom faced the same treatment, i would have taken it and ran with it, too.

but there are things you start to do. you learn to lie to keep yourself out of trouble, give the people hurting you the truths they want to hear and it's something you learn to do in every day life. you'd say something that fed into what they wanted to be the truth and get the same abuse anyway, except the arguments wouldn't be as long and you'd get out of the situation faster. it's a bit of a morbid way to look at it, but while people tell you to "fight back", it's not that easy. i think it's why i connect to john so much- he didn't necessarily fight back against his dad from what we could tell until he eventually did the spell to keep his dad sick. and people will constantly say "i'd just fight back", or "i wouldn't have let that happen to me when i was a kid" and that ends up enforced in some medias that people write.

john does a lot of running and ducking his head and getting other people wrapped up in his shit. it's a path of destruction because he doesn't realize, at first, that it's going to be as big of a shit show as he thinks. for example, with ritchie, when ritchie says "oh i can handle it no worries john it's my expertise" etc. and john trusts it- he needs something done, and someone's willing to do it. but then ritchie ends up another person hurt or dead in what he thinks is his own fault.

you get told the same thing so many times throughout your life that you eventually start to believe it. sometimes, things just fuck up. you get called killer all your life, it only takes so long before you think that, well, maybe you're the curse. maybe you're all the bad shit that everyone says you are.

i do want to note that john does have dissociative episodes, especially in the newer run of hellblazer and he straight up says that. however, as someone who's taken so many psychology classes that i probably could have gotten a degree in it had my university provided the program, that doesn't necessarily mean a disorder, but it does usually fall under ptsd, depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorders, borderline personality disorders, schizophrenia, and other disorders. most disorders fall under these categories, though.

i have c-ptsd, depression, anxiety, and probably a lot of other mental disorders not explored because of past traumas that i could probably connect to his self destructive nature, but john has also probably only seen the therapists in ravenscar that proceeded to give him electro shock therapy while everyone else who had the nerve decided to beat the fuck out of him because they thought he killed astra. so more trauma tacked on to john's little plethora of already traumatic memories.

to be technical, there is a difference between c-ptsd and ptsd. with c-ptsd, the symptoms tend to begin six months or more after the initial traumatic event. *cracks knuckles* there is also a difference in symptoms, though they aren't necessarily exclusive to one or the other. c-ptsd tends to also be a result of ongoing, repeated emotional traumas, and on top of that, holds the trauma of ptsd, and then more. to clarify, ptsd usually has symptoms of dissociative episodes, flashbacks, dreams and nightmares related to trauma, commonly taking part in self-destructive behaviors, etc. to tack onto c-ptsd's symptoms, there is the constant feeling of guilt, constant hate towards yourself, consistently believing the world is bad in general, etc. i also want to focus on the fact that c-ptsd usually stems from childhood abuse, which is why i personally think john has c-ptsd, and then it just got worse from there. but you can have both! that's possible. so. i mean. well. call it like it is, john's probably got both.

anyways, moving on! borderline personality disorder, or bpd, kind of changes somewhat person to person, but overall, i think that the symptoms can fit john, in some cases. i pulled up a list just to be a little more clear and concise, but there is "an intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection" and i would really like to point out that, most of the time, john likes to say things like "i'm not good for you" or "i walk this path alone" or. you know, things along that line. for the most part, he pushes people away before they can get close. "a pattern of unstable intense relationships" and i would like to use chas as an example, which i know people would hate, but there are quite a few moments throughout hellblazer where chas will literally tell john that he hates him or shove his face in a toilet and tell him that's where he belongs.... and john doesn't walk away, he just lets chas walk away and come back because. well. why not? he thinks he deserves it half the time. but also, most of john's relationships aren't exactly stable. half the time, his niece and sister don't want to see him, the other half are his relationships that end fairly quickly, and others are just. john being john. "...seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all." "impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success" the guy smokes after having of had lung cancer. what more do you want for an example. he also consistently does magic even though it's fucked over his life multiple times. again and again and again and he knows that it's fucking him over. unsafe sex can also be debated- in the newer version of hellblazer, he has an illegitimate son named noah that he didn't know existed, for example. and that's where i'll leave that. though in some cases, it can be argued as symptoms of ptsd, though it's possible he could have bpd.

this is going to be the last one, and i am not a doctor or anything but i think that it's possible he could have schizophrenia, or simply hallucinations as a result of any of the other disorders on here, which is sometimes possible but not exactly always common. based on john being an unreliable narrator, there is the suggestion that the ghosts that plague john constantly are not actually there, and that they might just be hallucinations. there are other symptoms of schizophrenia, but i've mostly covered them above. visual hallucinations also include people who are typically loved ones and friends who are no longer alive, i would like to add, but again, they could actually be ghosts, though it's somewhat possible that they're not. in the case that the ghosts are not real....

ANYWAYS. feel free to add more. i did it quick, but. there is this....

[mymelodyisme]

Hello again hon it's me the christmas anon, I hope your doing well and your feeling okay, I saw your gum and tooth post and hope that's not anything serious you know? As for me I'm doing alright....theses last two days has been heavy on my mind but I think sooner or later I'll be okay.

*leans over and kisses your head*

Better be taking good care of yourself too lol

-❄️☕️

Hey hon!!!! 🥳 I’m doing as well as I usually do. I 🥺 have a blister or something on the gum that connects the teeth to the chin. You know that little spot directly at the front center of your mouth that feels like a thin web yeah it’s tucked there and eating is a nightmare 😭 if it doesn’t go away soon I mean I’m not gonna do anything special I have to just wait till my dental appointment. So boooooo but at least I’ll be okay eventually, as will you!!! Life is like a tooth infection, you ache, and you feel it everywhere, but then you consume a nice little pill and it’ll make you feel better. 🤔 hmm that’s a horrible analogy.

But no, actually I do hope you’re okay 🥺♥️🩷 life can suuuuuuck and days can be awful and heck even a week or more can be stressful a time but what’s cool about being alive is that??? It doesn’t have to be so bad! You can be nice to yourself! You can surround yourself with people who are nice to you!!! And you can just say fuck it!!!! And walks outside and make it different. Running away to disappear into the woods dropping all socials and becoming some towns local cryptid is a perfectly viable option. I think I’d like to live in the woods as a witch but I’m 😭 a BIG baby when it comes to bugs. I wouldn’t survive in the wilderness for even an hour. I’m a delicate plastic flower. But no really, I say for the third time, you’ll be okay eventually. When I think about life I think back to how when I was little girl playing games like Homer Simpson Hit and Run. I always wanted to walk around the map and enter every building. And I knew that wasn’t possible. There’s nothing in them because why would the developers make that when they don’t have to? Well we’re real!!!

We can enter any building, go to any location, dig into the very ground we stand on and I think that’s kind of cool. There’s so much to life that we don’t think about and maybe sometimes we should be a bit more curious about what’s inside 🥳 treat yourself like a video game building. What can you find inside of yourself that makes you excited to take a peek. Idk!!! I hope that made sense!!!! It’s so happy to see you ♥️🩷

[flowers-and-pollen]

Me: ah yes listening to music n' having fun :)

barbie&ken by kate gill: SNEAK ATTACK

My heart: D`: