#so im kinda concerned about that but ok i think i talked myself through it a bit just now

[megacarapa]

my diary has become like a chimera bc i keep switching languages back and forth depending on which language i remember a word in first

[griancraft]

Ok as per my last post. This is Long and very much about my feelings so uh don’t read it if you don’t want to. Also I’m aware I sound genujneky crazy for half of this I’m just really really mentally ill in ways I don’t talk about here at all and now I am sharing them and it’s. A little scary but oh well. The system stuff is the stuff I’m most concerned about right now to be honest bc it effects my day to day and if anyone has any kind words or thoughts on what to do I’ll be happy to listen

Please read my previous post if you’re mad /gen I don’t think I say anything bad here but I have really bad morality ocd so like uhm I am scared to post this!!! Prev post

Also I’m very sorry that the prose is terrible to read and my spelling is shit I have dyspraxia which is a coordination thing and it’s worse rn

The maybe I was boring album came on yesterday while I was cleaning and I had to stop what I was doing and turn it off halfway through because I just couldn’t stop hearing an admission. I wasn’t even sad I was just. So done with it. I still am just kinda like. God I hope Shelby is doing ok with all this being public now. I’m glad she was able to heal like she said and I’m glad she made the video dude.

I almost got his lyrics tattooed if that’s testament to how much I loved his early music. It’s not connecting in my brain that this music that’s been apart of my life for like 4 years and helped me through so much was made by an abuser.

But like, in retrospect you can see it. I can’t bear to delete ycgma off my mp3 player bc I related to his songs so much as an abused lonely teenager but I also can’t bare to listen to it. I learned the fall on my guitar as my final exam and I used to repeat his lyrics to myself to cope with abuse and I wish I could still love these songs. I dressed like his dsmp character bc I thought it made me look cool. Which is lame as fuck to admit now lol

Originally I was planning on pirating them and I like, can’t especially after that manipulative ass statement. How much was an act? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m a bad person because I still kinda do want to listen to that music again. I still want to feel that safe but I know I won’t feel that way anymore.

with dsmp stuff I think I’m going to be still able to look back fondly on it generally and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. The community was what made it and the community is what I loved, and i still do. I don’t think I’m going to reblog art of him specifically but if he’s in it I might. Idk. My policy on dream fanart is if he’s not alone in the art and it’s dsmp or mcc related I reblog so I guess I’ll continue that here. Im sorry if that sounds callous I just. Am not prepared to talk about this so I’m going back and forth

And like. We also have a wilbur factive/fictive and we have for years now and nobody in our system knows how to feel about that. He formed to fill the role of a big brother (I was being heavily emotionally neglected at that point and needed someone to be there for me) and protector from my parents abuse. Obviously, he is entirely separate from his source now bc alters change a lot for me but how we picture him is still wilbur. he’s literally just some guy now but grappling with that connection is fucked up dude it’s weird. He’ll probably further distance himself but it still fucking sucks and I don’t know how to communicate the cognitive dissonance we had to push through bc our brain struggled at first to make sense of how this person who we liked so much that he became the template for a Protector to shield us from the emotional neglect and abuse, essentially, is a terrible person. I’m sorry I know people who aren’t systems, and some who are ngl, will find this fuckibg nuts and I get that but we’re a very very internal person like I just. Kinda am with us as a system a lot and nobody else. It feels like my safe space that I’ve created in my head has been marred. Also. uhm. Our alters speak in distinct voices so it’s bad bad for me rn and we are trying to fix it. I know I know fictives and factives arenttheir source but that doesn’t change that it makes me feel gross. I’m rambling rn I’m sorry. Support Shelby.

[arsenicflame]

first task on the quilt for today is gonna be deciding the direction i want to take the red section- red/orange or red/brown (or all three???)

(sorry! gonna be lots of silly little irrelevant posts on this project because im AWFUL at making decisions and i need to talk through all the thoughts in my head to make sense of them!)

for a quick refernce, here is the pile of fabric photo- i wouldnt say this is super colour accurate but i am having a hell of a time trying to get better pictures so this is the best i can do i think (just imagine theyre like. super less saturated for the most part). then i refer to them in the text ill do it from top down starting with the brown

again, this is the section of quilt we are looking at, the lighthouse is the same 13/14 all the way up

for my colours i have two reds (5,6), two oranges (2,3) and a red/brown (4) and a brown (1). i would LIKE to use my two reds for 13/14, but im a little concerned theres not really enough contrast between them for the lighthouse to come out right.

though honestly im kinda,,, looking at my plan again and the amount of fabrics i have and wondering if i should split it into more sections? make the lighthouse shadow and the darker land different colours?? idk. i think i originally grouped them thinking id struggle for colours, but if i ungroup them... 

ok building off that last idea. if i make 13 (land) separate from the lighthouse then i definitely think i wanna make it my red brown (4) (i would say its a bit darker than this one but this is the most accurate image i could find)

this would still leave me in a bit of a lighthouse dilemma, but i definitely want to keep the lighthouse as true reds. i think im gonna try it as the colours i have and see if i like the contrast- i may end up just knocking down difference in the shaded side a ton, but we shall see i guess- i for sure have enough of my darker red for this, its what i made my coat out of and i have a ton of scraps.

[ heres one i took myself]

the remaining section of land. i think i definitely want to keep that single 14 on the land as is- to me in most the pictures its pretty much the same as the lighthouse.

the section marked 15 is my main area of debate.im not sure if i want to go orange or brown for that... the brown i have is almost a camel brown (1)- i think its stands out quite a bit against all the other colours i have, but it could be fairly accurate to the actual painting???? alternatively im thinking my flecked orange (2) - its not as saturated as the other orange so im hoping it ties itself in with the other colours?????? 

honestly, im still VERY not sure about all these options. at least for this section i have enough fabric to just. fuck around a little so i think the plan is to cut out the pieces in my ‘most likely’ colours and just??? see if i vibe with it???? girl help 

[commoncorps3]

lol im not sure my mental and physical health has ever been this bad.

im kinda suicidal again instead of just being numb, empty, and having depersonalization/derealization but I don’t even know who to tell. my friends are probably getting overwhelmed with me/tired of me doing so bad all the time. it’s gotta be a real bummer. can’t tell my family bc they freak out or the complete opposite just tell me it’s gonna be ok. my girlfriend has DID and hasn’t fronted in several days because she’s been having a hard time mentally and physically so one of her alters (who I am not dating) has been in control. this alter doesn’t really talk to me nearly as much as my gf usually does so my bpd (and general shit mental health atm) is having a fucking field day with that. i miss her a lot. Unrelated to her but I don’t sleep or eat enough. my house is disgusting and I can’t get myself to clean it. the stupid lexapro my psych made me try gave me so many fucking side effects and I stopped taking it days ago and I’m still having the worst fucking time. i have so many bruises and scabs from how bad my skin picking has gotten from the medicine. my jaw hurts so bad bc the med made me start clenching it/gritting my teeth all the time now. my teeth feel so weak and sensitive like I’m scared they’re gonna fucking break into pieces when I eat. my acne got worse too but idk if that’s bc of the medicine or bc my hormones are crazy OR bc I’ve been on my period for basically two months at this point. i have sores on my tongue that are painful and overstimulating just to feel and i want to bite them off or something. my wisdom teeth are hurting too. im so tired. I have no excitement. im just detached from life. I’m not enjoying anything. people’s concern for me is not even fucking hitting me like it should be. I’ll be like “I want to kms” and they’ll be like “holy shit I’m worried about you i love you don’t die” and I’m just like “🤷”. it’s very frustrating. everyday feels like a shitty dream. but i never wake up. ive barely even been listening to music. which is fucking wild for me. I just listen to YouTube at work. and it’s mostly like videos on disturbing/scary shit lately. like shit I’ve barely even touched before the last few weeks. I don’t know why I’m suddenly so interested in really fucked up stuff but nothing else hits the same. I guess I subconsciously just wanna feel something. so fear and discomfort is my go-to. I’m always in pain. I have the desire to abuse drugs or drink or SOMETHING to make myself feel better. but I still really don’t even do that. oh yeah and I relapsed twice this week. once wasn’t that bad but the second time was pretty fucking rough. it’s even worse bc I literally broke apart someone’s fucking shaving razor at my friend’s house and used one of the blades. then had to wake my friend up bc the cuts wouldn’t stop bleeding. I need serious help. I don’t want to be hospitalized though. I did that earlier this year and it was a complete waste of time. I wish I could just die. I’m so tired of pushing through this hell. And I can’t help but think “well i guess it could be worse” which is true but also every time I think that something else happens. I want out. Please. I wish I had the fucking balls to kill myself like ive wanted to for the past like 12 years. No one can help me. I can’t even help me. I genuinely don’t know what to do. I take the medicine. I go to therapy. I reach out to loved ones for help. I try to live my life. But it’s not fucking working. I’m so miserable.

[nightswithkookmin]

chile i'm so glad i came across your blog, the amount of "i'm not going to assume they're dating" or "we can only draw certain conclusions but i can't say for sure" "we don't know their sexuality, BUT" type blogs i follow is getting kinda wack lmao. while i appreciate their perspective and nuanced takes i need to strike a balance. like let's get a lil delulu every once in a while. 💀

lol the im-not-a-shipper-but-call-jikook-boyfriends-every-other-post blogs are the funniest to me. the shipping hierarchy, so to speak is so weird. maybe just because im not a "shipping real people is bad" person i don't see the big deal. gonna get called delulu anyway, might as well go full out. they is gay/queer and they're fucking. i'm so sorry.

*also can we touch on the fact that shipping in this type of fandom (kpop) is kind of inevitable and unavoidable??! these boys are the other people we see them with day in and day out, interacting with each other and no one else. i feel like it's natural to ship when there's no other people around to break up everything, idk maybe someone can articulate this better than me. and people who are made to feel stupid for thinking that 2 members could actually be dating is so dumb. like is it really out of the realm of possibility that two people (jikook, cause all them other ships are....😬) who spent almost every waking minute together for like 8 years could fall in love. really?

/rant

It's the delulu hat for me

Lmho.

I guess for me being queer, I feel it's gaslighting for these people to be saying things like that. As silly as it is, it inadvertently deny and invalidate the existence and queerness of gay individuals and so I struggle with it.

This is the consequences of straight people in gay people business. They like defining gay parameters for us and it's like who asked you?? I feel people who say things like that are just plain ignorant or tone deaf or willfully homophobic.

I don't think everyone in BTS is gay but it makes me feel safe to see half the community assume them to be and celebrate them in that way. They are not cussing at them and threatening to leave the fandom or cancel them for this assumption and that is huge inspiration to me.

Those parts of the fandom are a safe space to be in as a queer army.

When people assume a person's queer sexuality they are simply admitting to themselves at the very least that LGBTQ EXISTS. This is important to me because I grew up in a community where LGBTQ didn't even exist in the collective consciousness of the people and EVERYONE IS AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED TO BE STRAIGHT AND EXPECTED TO BE.

People read people's sexuality all the time and have done so since time immemorial and a lot of the time when they have had a sexuality read it's in the lines of straight, cis, rich, poor, superior or inferior. And that is a problem for some of us too because that discrepancy in the assumptions is as a result of homophobia and heteronormativity.

That whole don't assume a person's queer sexuality debacle sounds to me like a boujee way of denormalizing and preventing the normalization of queerness disguised under care, disguised under intelligence and disguised under wokeness. Especially when straightness is the default setting in this giant blue bulb.

We need to radicalize that. We need to change the cis straight default setting and if you are perpetuating this narrative you really aren't helping the situation. SIT DOWN.

I'm rarely assumed to be queer in certain circles and while that makes me feel comfortable within those circles it often times make it hard for me to admit my queerness openly in those circles too because I fear I will lose that comfort and respect and love and privileges that comes with being percieved straight in those spaces.

When I started my blog, I noticed some people assumed I was white and would use certain black descriptors as slurs when describing other people to me. I quickly had to switch the formal way in which I wrote to a much casual tone so my blackness would show through. Don't get it twisted. She black. She blackidy black black.

Then on the other hand, I was hesitant to let my queerness be known too because being black, I was marginalized as it is- you is black, or sound black💀 you know how it is- it's that intersectionality of oppression at play. Double double homicide.

When certain people realized I was black POC minority, their attitude towards me changed. I had those who didn't so much understand what black language is or perhaps wasn't used to being in black spaces and were uncomfortable with my blackness- these would take offense at me saying certain things in certain ways. Like chilee relax Karen, all I said was these motherfukkers gay as shit and they gay. Why you acting like I called them twinks or sommin. Right there, I'm cancelled for calling Jikook motherfuckers. They get sirens and everything😭😭😭😭😭😭

Same vein, I struggle destraightening myself or correcting people who assume I'm straight because I fear they will treat me differently if they knew I wasn't.

Straight privilege exists in the same way as white or even pretty privilege may exist and because these exist there's that automatic conception of queer, poc, ugly, fat disemfranschismet to run along side it.

People treat you differently based on how they perceive you. That's a fact. And for queer people, perceiving us as straight is the only way we get to be treated as human by the masses. And a lot of us embrace that- straight until proven gay am I right 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's the duper's delight for me. Untill you catch me with a 5'8 melanin skinned silk pressed auntie on my left nipple good luck proving I'm gay.

It can be fun, I akekeke when some people around me are totally oblivious to the fact and even sometimes defend my straightness with their dying breath when nasty friends throw them shades or try to out me unprovoked.

A lot of us don't want to admit we are gay because we don't want to be disenfranchised.

I speak for myself when I say this.

But 'Don't assume someone's sexuality' is a double edged censorship used for and against queer people. It seemly offers protection on the surface of it for queer people but underneath it promotes heteronormativity and standardizes straightness and it is also used to promote closet culture, under the disguise of care and concern for the autonomy of queer people but that is a fallacy because our autonomy has never mattered to anyone since the dawn of homophobia.

And I don't know where this interpretation comes from. Why do people not want to assume queer people's sexuality but it's ok to assume straight people's???

It feels like a hijacked movement to me.

THIS IS THE ACCURATE MOVEMENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

Don't assume all people are straight. It's ok to assume some people are queer because queer people exists too.

It is wrong however to assume queerness based on how a person talks, walks, dresses or even on their body type. That is stereotyping. And stereotyping is wrong.

When it comes to Jikook, Jimin is often stereotyped as gay more so than Jungkook because they have different body structures. Jungkook is stereotyped too solely because of the way his wrists hang, or based on moments he's femininity shines through.

But I don't think shippers stereotype Jikook in that way at all. I dont think shippers believe Jikook are dating eachother simply because Jungkook applied setting powder to his face that one time. They assume they are gay only because they believe those two to be dating eachother. That is not stereotyping. If those two were heterosexuals I don't think people will accuse their shippers of stereotyping.

It's one thing to assume Kai is gay because he looks skinny and dances well. It's another to assume he is gay because in a relationship with Gdragon. And if people can't tell the difference between the two, they should get some education and stop talking about things they know nothing about or only know because they stumbled across user69 on Twitter. They are not helping.

Untill people get offended when people assume others are straight, that rhetoric doesn't matter in its inequality. If you ask me, everyone is gay until proven straight.

Yet how many people will take offense at that?

Assuming people can be gay is not delulu.

It's ok to assume people can be gay. It's wrong to stereotype them as gay. If you can't assume they are gay, don't assume they are straight and don't assume at all. Run with this sis.

Wait, they don't ship Jikook but they call Jikook boyfriends???????👀👀👀👀👀

The fake woke syndrome will kill people in this fandom with these mentally confused thought crisis bunch💀💀💀💀

Jikook themselves are shippers💀

Smh

GOLDY

[symphonicmetal101]

Babysitting in the Devildom

Chapter Six: Beel- Dinner Indifference

"Beel n-"

Solomon had to cast a teleportation spell before he could even finish his sentence. Beel's wings fluttered furiously as he burst through a portal and into Solomons arms instead. He immediatly clamped down on Solomons shoulder and started to chew. Solomon sighed as he watched his cloak get drooled on, big violet eyes watching him back as more of the cloth disappeared into his mouth.

Solomon paused. Should he take Beel to you? You seemed to know what you were doing but you also already had Asmo and portioning out food for the rest of the kids...Beel would be in the presence of food either way. He glanced back down and the chipmunk-cheeked Beel and considered trying to take the cloak out of his mouth.  Buuuuut if Beel cried again it was his fault, again...but he really shouldnt be eating fabric...not that it would ruin his appetite but-

He was running out of time to make a decision as the delivery person made their way back to the door. Beel seemed content eating his cloak for now. Beel would be fine, right? Yeah- its Beel. Solomon tightened his grip just slightly on the baby as he approached the front door again, ready to take the bags.

He should have taken Beel to you.

It was like fighting Taz from Looney Toons as Solomon stumbled about, half eaten cloak and a blur of movement around him as he used small portals to keep the bag of food away from Beel.

Barbatos had walked into the kitchen with Luke, wondering if he could help somehow. You had taken Luke from him and used one hand while also sometimes directing him on how to help you while Asmo followed behind him to make sure each plate "looked pretty". Everything was going really well....until the other bag of food appeared suddenly in your free hand and you heard a demonic screech come from the hallway and a loud buzzing noise which was curiously silenced soon after, though Asmo had given you wide berth after hearing that. You sighed and asked Barb to continue portioning things and to go tell the rest of the kids that if they had to go to the bathroom, the time was now. You held Luke close to you as you ventured just outside the kitchen doors and nearly bumped into Solomon.

".....I can expl-"

"Why is Beel eating your clothes?"

You didnt really want to laugh for fear of waking Luke up, but a wide silly smile bloomed on your face as you watched Beel use both his tiny fists to stuff more of Solomons cloak into his mouth, wide eyes staring at you as he cooed a bit and continued to stuff his face, Solomons cloak almost gone.

Solomon had a combination of exasperation and amusement on his face. "Uh...well I didnt want him to cry or attack the food- o-or you so I.....I fed him my cloak."

"....wHY? Earlier you were summoning food for him- you could have done that again right- or multiplied the food we already have even if he ate the bags worth of food-"

You were still smiling, the whole situation a little ridiculous as Beel finished Solomons cloak and started to sniffle, pouting and making grabby hands to the air for more.

Solomon paused before a goofy smile spread across his face as he summoned a popsicle to give to Beel. "I. Dont. Know." He laughed a bit before smiling fondly at you. "This is why you're the one in charge." He started to walk past you into the kitchen, but not before a quick kiss was planted on your temple and a small smirk at your expression was given to you. You gave yourself a moment before joining him and Barb, and a slightly startled looking Asmo.

".....can I have a posicle before dinner too?"

Asmo looked up at Solomon, pleading who just shrugged. "Thats not up to me." He looked at you and smirked a bit. *Motherfucker*

Asmo gasped and skipped his way to you, big, pleading amber eyes as he batted his eyelashes. "May I have a posicle before dinner too please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

It was too much. From the way he asked politely, to the way he said popsicle, to his little pose and big ole eyes-

You looked around the table of happy faces as all the kids destroyed popsicles that Solomon had summoned for them, all save for Beel, Barb, Diavolo, and Lucifer untouched food in front of them.

"POPSICLES FOR DINNNNNERRRRR!"

"They said we still have to eat our food if we want to have dessert tomorrow."

"But I'm not hungry anymore..."

"....I guess I can try to eat some food but Im full from the popsicle..."

"LOOKIT IM PUTTING MY FRIES IN MY ICE CREAM!  But I aint havin the green stuff, thats yucky."

"You're yucky Mammon."

"HEY-"

"My father would NEVER let me do this!! Thank you MC!!!!"

A chorus of thank yous came from all of the kids, luckily before another fight. You sighed softly and forced a small smile as you said "youre welcome". You figured they wouldnt eat their food if they had popsicles. The bigger kids had eaten their food, and Beel had no problem eating his portion and Belphies who....oh. Belphie was sleeping in his mashed potatoes. You glanced around the table again, noting all the sticky faces and hands and...bodies in Satan and Luke's case. Solomon looked exhausted as he summoned another piece of food for Beel. Asmo was trying so hard to eat some more of his food but only ate a few more bites and looked a little upset. Mammon had eaten his fries, at least.

".....if youre full, give your food to Beel. Dont make yourself eat anymore, its ok. I just need to talk to Sol for a minute, ok?" You smiled as you walked to take Belphie out of his highchair and gestured to Solomon to put Beel in. He was a little confused but did so as you wiped some of the potatoes off Belphies face.

Levi spoke up very quietly. "Can we still have dessert tomorrow if we didnt finish our food for dinner?" The sound of plates being pushed towards Beel paused as the kids all looked at you, waiting for an answer.

".....it depends on how well you eat your breakfast tomorrow.." you smiled as the kids thanked you again as you asked Barb and Lucifer to make sure Beel didnt eat the actual plates as you took Solomon and Belphie into the kitchen.

"How are you feeling...you look exhausted.." geniune concern on your face once you had Solomon basically alone. His face twisted slightly and he sighed. "I had hoped the rejuevenating spell I casted would re-energize me more than it did...why? Are you worried?~" he smirked slightly, though it fell just short of smug. You rolled your eyes a bit and ruffled is hair, your turn to smirk as his face turned light pink and started to protest, pouting when you stopped, though you werent sure if it was because you stopped or because you ruffled his hair in the first place. You stopped his protesting by asking your next question, also avoiding answering his question. "Do you have enough energy to clean all of them or am I going to bathe them in an actual bath..."

"....I? It should be we..."

"Well if you're tired you should rest...I'll need your help tomorrow too..."

"I can sleep after the baths..."

"But if we're doing the baths then I need you to cast one last spell to keep the water in the tubs..."

"So I'll sleep after that spell...maybe..."

You gave him a withering look before sighing, though appreciative of his stubborness....for once. You smiled a bit.

"Alright then. Bath time. Especially for the babies. The bigger ones can probably just shower.... Belphie, Luke and Satan need baths the most. Beel made sure his food ended up *in* his mouth....the others..." you chuckled as you peeked back into the dining room, seeing only Barbatos' face clean, and Lucifer and Asmo both fussing over the little mess they had on themselves, Lucifer using Asmos mirror, and Asmo following Lucifers every action to get clean. You brought your attention back to the sleeping Belphie in your arms.

"....do you think he'll stay asleep for bath time?"

"Its Belphie. He could sleep through anything."

"Dont jinx it." You sighed softly and looked out at the kids again, some playing tag, others just watching. Satan continued to mash his food onto the platter in front of him, Luke giggling and copying in glee. Solomon tapped your shoulder to get your attention again.

"Are you ok? The bags under ypur eyes could hold all my potions-"

"Shut up- maybe if a certain sorceror had been more careful I wouldnt be as tired....not to mention the popsicle before dinner was a bad mov-" you were interrupted by Barb lightly tapping your arm.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I was just wondering if you want me to wash the dishes or just leave them in water in the sink....or if you have a dishwasher..." you were a little surprised when you turned and saw him carrying all the dishes from the table, and Lucifer behind him with garbage. Simeon was wiping down the table with a cloth, but gave the younger ones in high chairs some room. Diavolo was trying to talk to Lucifer, who just kinda kept nodding and saying "oh thats cool" before looking at you almost desperately. His look brought you back to your senses as you nodded at Barb.

"Just in the sink with water is fine, thank you Barbatos. Thank you for cleaning up Lucifer, Simeon. It makes a huge difference to me."

Barb and Simeon beamed, and Lucifer managed a small smile before shooting Diavolo a dirty look, but the other boy didnt notice, too busy rambling on about how this was so much better than home for the upteenth time. Ypu ruffled Lucifers hair as he walked by, and noted Diavolo's slight stumble in words as he eyed you a bit, but rushed past to go talk to Barb, glancing back at you, almost pleading, though your attention was divided again as you felt Levi hug you and snuggle into your side wordlessly. You patted his head softly and turned back to Solomon.

"I'll answer that question later. For now lets clean up. Then bath time."

Levi squeezed you a bit and beamed. "I love bath time!! I can do it myself! I promise, I can! I can!"

Though Levi couldnt see it, Mammon was mocking him from behind. You gave him a bit of a "look" before the hem of your shirt was being tugged at and you were met with those same amber eyes that had persuaded you into giving everyone treats for dinner. "I love bath time too! Me too! But you have to watch me. I make great bubble hair dos! A-and guess what? In the water, it might look like I have legs, but really Im a mermaid!"

"And Im a sea dragon!!" Levi cried out, still wanting your attention. "And Asmo, you're not really a mermaid-"

"Am too!"

"Are no-"

"Everyone can be who or whatever they want to be, in the water or otherwise. Fooooor example, I'm actually a sheep, see I go baaaaa" you smiled softly, and winked at Levi before turning to Asmo again who was practically dancing at your side, bursting to ask you a question. "Whats the prettiest animal you like mc?!!!"

"....whats your favourite sea animal mc?"

"Whats the coolest animal mc! No wait- whats your favourite animal?!"

"Yeah, whats your favourite animal?!"

"Oi, I asked em first!"

"Guys its ok, you can all be my or your favourite animal. Theres more than one of each." You chuckled, listing off animals as more questions were asked, meowing at Satan as you handed Belphie to Sol and took him out of his chair, who happily meowed back as you lead your noisy little zoo to the communal bathroom.

Masterlist

[ladydevoir]

Weiss coming out as trans to her team?

The halls of Beacon were quiet as Weiss walked through, though she was glad for the peace as her mind was swimming in thought. She was silently dreading returning to her dorms, knowing what was waiting for her. But, she had decided tonight was the night, and she would not cower away from what she had decided to do. Best to get it over with rather than continuing to let her dread grow. Soon a voice broke her train of thought. “Hey Weiss~!” She looked back as the owner of the voice caught up to her, a plastic bag in hand. “Hello Nora, It’s good to see you. I see your trip to Vale was productive.” Nora beamed back at her with her usual energy. “Good to see you too~ And heck yeah it was~ Me and Ren found that cute coffee shop you told us about, Jaune actually managed to not throw up on the ride there, though he was wasnt as lucky on the way back, and me and Pyrrha went shopping for our dresses for the dance~ Oh, and here’s the stuff you wanted~” Nora held up the back for Weiss who took it and looked through it, a set of razors and shaving cream along with some skin care for after. “Thank you very much Nora. Im afraid I was starting to run low, and our team won’t be free to travel to Vale for a few days. Please, what do I owe you?” As she began to sift through her bag for her purse, Nora held up her hand. “Nuh uh uh, you dont owe me anything. Girls like us gotta stick together after all, and you’d do the same for me~” Nora’s usual high energy voice had softened as she spoke, to which Weiss was grateful. Since coming to Beacon she had been nervous about the truth coming out about her, thankfully Nora had seen through her immediately and been a true pillar of support. Weiss had been surprised and rather relieved when Nora had revealed she was just like her, and in moments like this it was wonderful to have someone to talk to and help her without any worry about questions she was not particularly wanting to answer. As if sensing some unease, Nora gently squeezed her shoulder and nodded her head towards a small bench in the hall. As the two sat down, Nora spoke up. “Hey, you doing ok? You seem off.” Weiss sighed and nodded. “I am just...nervous. I promised myself that tonight would be the night I tell the rest of my team, the truth about me.” Nora watched Weiss’s expression, seeing the build up of worry on her face. “You know the others aren’t going to suddenly turn on you just because of this, right? I cant imagine this would be a big deal for Ruby or Yang, and I doubt Blake would mind really.” Weiss let out another sigh and leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes before responding. “I am fully aware that no one on my team will be upset or treat me any different.” “So...whats the problem then?” Weiss looked down, her eyes darting left and right to make sure there was no one else listening, before she spoke. “When Blake accidentally revealed that she was a Faunus, I….did not handle the news with grace. I accused her of having lied to us, keeping the truth hidden from us. And while I did apologise for it afterwards, I still cannot take back what I said. And that is why I am worried. I was so quick to accuse her of lying and hiding the truth and yet here I am, having done the very same thing since starting Beacon.” Her hands gripped one another as she looked down, shaking slightly. “My standing with Blake and the others is not exactly on stable terms, and I am afraid that revealing myself after all I said to Blake might cause more strife between us.” Nora listened quietly as she gave Weiss’s back a gentle rub. Thinking carefully before responding. “If you’re this worried, then why now? Why not wait?” Weiss took a deep breath and looked straight ahead, as if steeling herself for it. “Because I owe it to my team to be honest with them, especially after how I overreacted to Blake. I cannot allow myself to hide the truth any longer, even if…” She looked down at her hands, starting to tremble. Instantly Nora knelt down in front of her and gently cupped her face, speaking softly. “Hey hey, dont go working yourself

up over ifs and maybes. Sure, you said some things, but you said sorry, and they forgave you. Im sure they wont be bothered by this. And if things go south, hey you can always just join our team~! Though we’d need to work out how to include W to JNPR~” Weiss let out a sniffle and smiled, raising her head from Nora’s hands and slowly standing, Nora instantly hugging the girl, to which Weiss reciprocated. “Nora, thank you so much. You have been a wonderful friend to me and I cannot repay you enough.” Nora pulled back from the hug with a wide smile, her usual energy returning. “Hey come-on, thats what friends do, we look out for one another~” Weiss picked up the bag from the ground and nodded back, the two girls walking back to the dorms, idle chatter filling the time before they arrived, Nora giving a big thumbs up before entering her room, leaving Weiss with her hand on the handle, taking a deep breath before entering the room, barely having time to duck as a pillow came flying towards her, narrowly missing as she looked upon the scene. Ruby holding a pillow and swinging hazardly at Yang, who weaved out of the way and returned with her own swing, before the two registered Weiss and stopped. “Hey Weiss! You wanna join in~? Blake might join if its two on two~” Ruby chirped excitedly, her energy seemingly limitless. “Yeah come-on princess, I’ll be more than happy to whoop your butt as well as my little sis’s~” Yang said with a smirk on her face, before dodging a well timed throw from Ruby. Weiss sighed and picked up the pillow that had nearly hit her and closed the door, shaking her head. “Honestly it is a wonder how the two of you are considering becoming huntresses when you act like little children.” “Ah cmon Weiss-y, you gotta have a little fun now and then, whats the point of life if you stay ridged all the time~?” Weiss shook her head and made her way to her bed, placing the pillow onto it and sitting, restless as her worry was building up again. “Weiss? Are you..ok?” Weiss looked up startled at the last member of the team over on her bed, slowly closing her book and focusing her attention on her. “You seem….kinda tense.” Weiss took a breath to help calm her nerves as her other two teammates looked over, all showing a similar sign of concern. “Actually Blake, I need to talk to you. All of you, if that is ok?” Yang flopped down onto Blake’s bed and looked over at her, while Ruby sat down beside her, all eyes on her. “Whats wrong Weiss? Blake’s right, you’re looking real tense.” Weiss’s eyes focused on her hands as she fidgeted, trying to come up with the right words. She silently cursed herself, this should not be this hard. A hand coming to rest on her knee drew her from her thoughts as she looked over at her partner, a soft-yet warm smile on her face. “It’s ok Weiss, whatever’s wrong, you know we’re here for you, right?” Weiss felt herself relax slightly, thankful for her partner’s kind words. “Okay, I do not know how to properly say this, so please, be patient with me.” With a reaffirming nod from Ruby and an audible “Mhm” from Yang, she continued. “The truth is...I have not been entirely honest with the rest of you. And for that, I am sorry to all of you, but mostly, I am sorry to Blake.” Blake looked over, confused. “Weiss, what are you-” Weiss raised her hand to stop Blake, taking a breath. “I was not at all kind to you when you revealed the truth about yourself, despite the fact that in doing so, I was being extremely hypocritical myself. Ive been hiding a truth myself, and after all that has been said and done, I feel I owe it to all of you to be honest.” Weiss took a quick glance at her team, Yang’s expression was clear confusion, Ruby was still giving her the same calming smile, while Blake had become more focused on her. She took a deep breath and continued. “The truth is, I….was not born a girl.” Weiss waited for a response from the others, but when none came, she looked up at her three teammates. Yang looked somewhat shocked, Blake still had her focused look on her, though it was clear she hadnt

expected that. Ruby however, didnt seem shocked or surprised in the slightest. “So, like Nora?” Weiss nodded, and to her surprise found herself being wrapped in her partner’s embrace. “Aww Weiss, you dont have to be nervous, its not like we’d think of you any diferent, ya know?” Yang looked over, shaking off her shocked look and sitting forward. “Yeah, Rubes is right, you’re still our icy princess after all, right Blake?” Blake looked over at Weiss, her expression no longer one of shock, but of understanding. “You were worried I’d be mad at you, werent you?” Ruby and Yang looked to one another as Weiss nodded slightly. “I acted like you lying to us about yourself was such a big deal when I have been lying this entire time.” Weiss continued to hang her head. “Its ok Weiss, really. You already apologised more than enough times for me to know you mean it. And I get it, really. Growing up where you did, I know that kind of thinking isnt easy to get rid of.” Blake shifted herself and stood up. “But, you’re wrong about something.” Weiss looked up hesitantly as Blake stepped over to her, kneeling down in front of her. “You haven’t lied to any of us.” Weiss looked taken aback, not sure what to make of that. It was far from what she had expected Blake to say. “I...I am not sure I follow.” Blake smiled at her softly, resting her hands gently over Weiss’s. “You havent lied to us, because you arent pretending to be something you arent. You’re a girl Weiss, even if you weren’t born one. You haven’t hidden anything from us. From day one, you have been honest to us.” Yang soon walked over, sitting on the other side of Weiss. “Blake’s right, ya know? You’ve always been honest with us about who you are, and you didnt have to feel like you owed us to tell us.” She felt her eyes begin to well up, she knew they would accept her but she had fully expected Blake to be mad at her. To find not only was she not mad, but giving Weiss words of kindness and understanding as she had, it felt overwhelming. Said team was quick to embrace her as she felt a few tears flow, a small smile on her face. “T-thank you, all of you. I-I suppose I should not have been worrying so much over this.” Ruby gave her a gentle squeeze. “Well, worrying about things too much is something you’re best at.” “Hey!” They all laughed as they remained in their embrace, Weiss giving a gentle chuckle. Of course Nora has been right, she shouldn’t have been worried about hypothetical ifs and maybes, especially not with her team. A team that, day by day, Weiss would consider more and more her real family. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whooo boy, this, this was a tough one. Im proud of how her talk with Nora went at the beginning, I felt like I wrote that well, and yeah I HC Nora as trans. But writing her coming out to her team, I kept erasing and redoing parts because I really did not know how to do it right. This is one I feel like I should come back to when ive gotten some more experience writing.

[lilyclawthorne]

Keeping Up A-fear-ance's Thoughts

I finished writing this shortly after 3 am after watching the new episode like three times because I simply had too much energy about it and I have so many thoughts because I simply live for clawthornes and also I tried to break it up with more photos this time sorry not sorry if it's a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

YOUNG EDA!! let me just say I am quite a fan of opening with a flashback like we've done here and the last episode

"we have never seen a curse like this before" Lilith you had shit luck picking out curses huh

"cut it out if we have to" goddamn Gwen let'a calm the fuck down a bit.

anyways we've only really seen young Eda as a wild and confident and happy little child so I appreciate seeing this side of her with the anxiety and fear she's feeling here. I love seeing what the curse stuff was like for her as a kid

Gwen: I raised a perfectly fine kid

Me: no you didn't look at her she's got anxiety

I'm guessing this is their backyard or just some woods behind their house?? wonder if the portal was placed there by another elder family member.

lmao I can't even begin to imagine what small Eda experiencing the human realm was like for the first time

Gwens giving me "I can't accept that my child is disabled/chronically ill/etc." here. y’know the kinda parent that'll put their kid through hell over something they probably will find a way to learn to live with (which Eda did do)

ok that's it I humbly request to know the story behind the fang now (also the noise she made when she put it in was freaking cute)

new dress! new boots! new dress! new boots!

..yikes that fridge is empty

"calm down the curse acts stronger when you're stressed" Eda do you know who you're talking to here

confirmation losing limbs is in fact a side effect of the curse!! (y'know since Eda originally said it just happens when you get older)

please I love these sisters they're so sweet and make me wanna go 🥺

"suddenly curious about my past" "always. always curious" Luz says exactly what we all think

witchlet?? sweet flea?? she's got pet names for them 🥺 (although idk how much I'd like to be referred to as any kind of flea sorry Lilith)

ok Gwen is very much not close to what I expected and I'm kinda grateful for that

she's more like super caring but still managed to royally fuck up which was my original head canon for clawthorne parents so uh that's cool. but literally, look at their body language, Eda's pissed, Lilith's sad and making herself small. she's clearly messed up with her parenting on both of them along the way.

"who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" mama clawthorne would be a fucking anti-vaxxer wouldn't she

ok I side with Eda here more than Luz and Lilith. just because Luz misses her mother, or Lilith hasn’t seen their mom in so long doesn’t mean Eda has to feel all grateful for the presence of Gwen, especially if the woman has caused her a lot of trouble over the years

I feel like the fact that its actually both Lilith and Gwendolyn have spent their whole lives dedicated to trying to find a cure could probably have held some kind of weight on Eda at some point. Even though she shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for that, I still feel like it's gotta suck knowing these people have spent so much time on something you know is likely never gonna happen, all for you.

Lilith 😞 her mother really just didn't pay attention to her all these years

hey if this guy does some next level healing magic then why isn't he more well-known, huh? why’d it take so long to come across him?? Gwen do you know what the fuck you're doing cause I think you don't

Lilith just because you're depressed about your mom doesn't mean you have to bring king down too 😠

SUPER irrelevant but is anyone else just bothered by the way Lilith is holding her spoon?? that doesn't seem like a comfortable way to hold a spoon. also is she left handed??

"knife season came early" EDA WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. is this a boiling isles things or is this a it’s common for people to throw knives at you thing

also I want to be surprised Eda fell for the apple blood signs but I am not 😔 

Luz please trust you're gut on this one and not mama clawthorne

ok now I need to know why the fridge was empty but they had 18 cartons of ice cream this is why you guys don't have food you're wasting it all on ice cream.

wow never thought I'd see the day hooty became the voice of reason

also, night market ice cream?? are they implying this ice cream is like, edibles of some sort?? Lilith does seem kinda high here ngl. idk man but at least she wants to stand up for herself so good for her.

PLEASE kings just offering her ice cream while she transforms

"first in a series" Gwen honey oh no. you've been duped. I think we can see where Lilith got her naïveté from huh.

Also, nice snatch Luz 😊

anyways love how this show is basically making fun of moms who refuse to give their kids proper medical treatment or listen to medical professionals here

EXCUSE ME why do we know Gwen's palisman's name before we know Lilith's?????

"I am a mother who'll do anything for her daughter" you're mom who's suffocating obsession with one daughter has left the other neglected and is currently causing her to turn into a full on beast ya dummy

Eda DOES have a right to be upset. it sucks that her own valid emotions that she should get to feel will cause her while body to betray her.

PLEASE I’M SO GLAD LILITH’S BEAST DESIGN LOOKS LIKE HER AND IS NOT THE THING FROM THE TRAILER THAT IS ACTUALLY IN EDA"S HEAD WHEN SHE’S TRANSFORMED

but also why is she SO massive?? also anyone concerned that this is her first transformation and the light glyph trick wouldn't even work??

Gwen look at what you've done, you've fostered feelings of inferiority in one daughter causing her to feel the need for sibling rivalry that the pure instincts of the raven beast cannot suppress no matter how much their sisterly relationship had improved.

HOW COULD YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER ALSO BEING CURSED BE A PART OF THE PROCESS GWEN??

"after Eda was cursed, I joined the beast keeping coven" woah woah WOAH. you're telling me you only joined because of trying to help Eda. that covens existed, before Eda got cursed, and you very much weren't a part of one. combine that with "some words for belos" she has and do I smell wild witch theory still plausible???

anyways at least mama clawthorne is getting some sense into her head here

Morton c'mon help a girl out, that's some dang good art too what the heck dude

ok fine mama clawthorne to the rescue

no pls not raven beast Lilith crying im crying now

Gwen: I raised a fine and self-sufficient child

Me: no you didn't look at her. she's got, SO MUCH.

GODDAMN THATS SOME POWER. ngl this only adds fuel to the fire in my head that there was some kinda reasoning these sisters were torn apart, that someone felt they'd be too powerful together (and they were probably right)

"I heard you but I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't do anything" may be just because she's not used to the curse but again part of me is concerned that because she couldn't pull herself out of it even a little bit like Eda did that there's something wrong there. but she also could've been stressed beyond reasonably calming herself down too.

ok but this is sweet

NOOO im so sad Lilith's leaving :( I literally cried ok

"you lived here?" fine OKAY king that was hilarious even if im sad about this

"reconnect with dad" excuse me where the fuck has this man been in the middle of all of this. curse shit is going DOWN and he's just chilling at home.

I am curious about people's thoughts regarding the whole Lilith regression thing and the fact that she's literally going to be living with her parents again. I feel like it could help nurture that inner child she's been reverting back to and help her out a LOT. but I could also be concerned about it feeding into the regression and making it worse?? idk and this show probably ain't getting that actually deep into psych anyways

"some day my hair is gonna be big enough to do that too" Luz I cannot wait for the day. also mood, I wish I could do that too.

alright who's holding the fucking pen for hooty we need a volunteer RIGHT NOW so we can remain in contact with Lulu

NOT THE ONLY HUMAN? my bets on the real azura rip never mind she said he

Titan’s Blood?? interesting. If the blood of the titan is around I wonder what that means regarding the titans existence, and how long its been since the titan fell.

AHH BABY LUZ PHOTO

ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?? They're really gonna spring that on us like this??? Camila's gotta notice somethings wrong right??? Unless any differences she just chalks up to the camp?? oh god :(

well, anyways lumity shippers come get yo juice next weekend

anyways im gonna need to add a NOT canon compliant tag on that one Gwendolyn fic I wrote because it definitely do not comply anymore

[g0dspeeed]

Liar, Liar

For @constantzeigarnik

"V unabashedly flirting with Viktor, just laying it on real thick for the ripperdoc, and Viktor just not being prepared for it in the slightest."

“Liar, liar.”

The words came out in a tired sigh with a voice that hopefully sounded as indifferent as V intended.

The pair was laid out on the hood of Panam’s latest wheels, eyes closed, and cold drinks in hand. After helping the Aldecaldo get the ride from a locked storage yard, V had offered to relax beneath the shade of a highway overpass while they waited for the client to arrive. Panam accepted without a second thought. Between the two of them, a break from daily survival in Night City seemed in order.

Supposed to be chill.

Just two friends sippin’ on a dry afternoon.

No worries.

No stress for an hour.

That was before their present conversation, one that V was trying desperately to avoid.

“Yeah, I’m the liar here,” returned Panam. “And Night City is family friendly. At least I’m not the one in denial that my ripperdoc has the hots for me.”

V turned to shoot her friend a dark look. The nomad smirked as the warning fell flat. Despite V’s best efforts, Panam could see right through her: She was absolutely fuckin’ right.

“Think ya’ got it all wrong,” V maintained in a cool tone.

“Oh, do I?”

V cringed.

“Only met the guy one time,” Panam said. “Felt like a third wheel between the two of you eye-fuckin’ each other. Almost walked outta there see what that psychic girl was sellin’.”

A new warmth began stinging V’s cheeks and Panam frowned at her friend’s lack of response.

This was new territory. Seeing V react this way was beyond strange. One of the most capable people Panam had ever met was turning red over a man. Borderline bizarre. Truly, the entire conversation was out of the norm.

“Shit,” muttered Panam. At her best efforts at being soft, she added, “Don’t feel bad, V. The guy’s stacked like a fucking truck.”

At that, V finally let her guard down. She grinned as Panam gently shoved her shoulder.

“There she is. Just let that denial fade away-”

“Fuck off.”

“What the hell are you afraid of?” asked Panam. “Rejection?”

V looked at her energy drink, swiveling the liquid around before relenting.

“I mean, yeah, kinda.”

An eye roll and a heavy groan came from the woman beside her.

“Yeah okay,” said Panam. “Like he’d reject a woman half his age, much less a badass like you. V, I saw it for myself. The guy thinks you’re hot. Caught ‘im lookin’ at your ass. Not only that, he cares, like genuinely cares about you, which says a lot for people like us. Next time you see him, just lay it on thick and be done.”

V scrunched her eyes shut at her friend’s advice. Just talking about openly pursuing Viktor Vector made V’s stomach twist into knots. As much as she was the badass that Panam knew her to be, for V to explore an actual romantic relationship outside of ‘eye-fucking’ and the occasional one-night stand with some rando from Afterlife was not something V was familiar with. Her days were chaotic. Her lifestyle was that of constant motion. Viktor, in all his edginess, was stable, consistent, and secure. Also, she enjoyed the subtly they shared, the skirting around the topic of their flirty friendship, or whatever it was, from the safety of fleeting looks, suggestive undertones, and the occasional wink.

Then again, if V were honest with herself, it never seemed to be enough. V couldn’t deny that each time she left his clinic she wanted more. Craved more. More time, more privacy, more touch. She was her own worst enemy in all of those categories, always the first to shy away, to change the subject, to wander off.

“Worst case scenario,” breathed Panam. “He’s not interested in dating someone younger. Or just wants to be friends. That’s fine. Whatever. Should that happen, you delta outta there, lay low for a few weeks, find a new doc, and move on.”

“I can’t just delta out of his life,” groaned V. “He’s been my ripperdoc since I came to Night City. He’s also one of my closest friends-”

“Ok, then suffer. Fuck! Just do something. You’re killing me with this in between bullshit.”

Hours later, their conversation from under the overpass played on repeat inside V’s head. Panam cannot sugar coat anything. She might be physically incapable of doing that. Her words came straight from the heart and that’s what made what she had to say so sincere.

That is at least what V was telling herself as she steadily made her way down the steps to Viktor’s clinic, hands clammy, and body keyed up.

Part of her hoped that he was out or tied up with a patient. Maybe he would tell her to come by later.

She scoffed.

What a stupid thought. She was too quick to forget how often he invited her to stick around if he were operating, how she would wait at his workbench or nap on his crusty couch in the back. Sure enough, she could hear the man whistling below, the cheery sound echoing to where she hesitated. She swallowed.

With a final deep breath, V summoned up the bravery to walk through the metal gate.

Hunched over his operating chair, Viktor appeared to be wiping down between appointments, his rich voice humming along to some song in his head. V watched for a moment, taking in the serene sight before approaching the ripperdoc.

“Surprised you’re not watching a match,” she said.

The humming stopped. His head cocked at hearing her voice.

Without turning he responded, “Aren’t any on right now or you know I would be.”

The rag was tossed down and Viktor shifted to look at her.

V’s stomach flipped. His blue button-up was stained with a dark, oily substance all over the front. The top buttons were either missing or dangling from bits of string, leaving the shirt partly undone and exposing his undershirt. V’s eyebrows furrowed as she noticed a small crack that cut in the corner of his glasses just above a small nick on his cheekbone.

“You look-”

“Like shit?” he finished with a grin.

Viktor crossed his arms, drawing V’s attention to his thick biceps in a knee-jerk reaction.

“Bet so,” he continued. “Someone brought in his friend after a run in with the Tyger Claws, all blood clots and broke teeth. The gonk was scared out of his goddamn mind. Took a toll just to sedate ‘im.”

His smile had turned into a smirk, something confident and full of swagger as he told his story. He wore it well, mastering the balance found only in seasoned residents of Night City, of those who earned their street cred by way of blood, grit, and never backing down. V’s lips pursed at how his eyes looked to hers past those dark lenses.

Here would be the part where V ran away, ran from opportunity, from her feelings. He dared to look at her the way he did in that moment, so smooth, so confident. The man had to know. Viktor had to recognize how he affected her, had to notice how her eyes appreciated his physique, how her complexion warmed when he touched her. His frame had turned to face hers, all broad shoulders and aftershave.

She could step back.

Look away.

This was where she could coolly suppress her attraction and change the subject.

But not today.

“Here,” she said warmly.

V stepped close to the ripperdoc, shrinking the gap between their bodies as her fingers gently plucked the man’s glasses from his face. Viktor blinked in surprise and swallowed as she studied the damaged lens with a critical eye, her own smirk pulling at her full lips.

“Gonna need new ones, doc,” she told him.

Next, V carefully folded the glasses and slid them onto the collar of her top. Viktor’s eyes tracked her movements before quickly glancing away. Ever the gentleman.

“But don’t worry,” continued V. “The rest of you I can remedy.”

He chuckled.

“The rest of me?”

V looked up. She nearly gasped. For Viktor to wear those damn shaded glasses was a sin. The bluest blue that V had ever seen, his eyes were deep like ocean water. There was longing in them. Desire. He adored V for standing so close and showing such concern for his wellbeing. Christ, she could get lost in those eyes if he kept looking at her like that.

To answer his question, V tugged at the hem of his soiled shirt. He stiffened.

“Are you tryin’ to say that you like being covered in… whatever this is?” she mused.

“Well, no-”

In a near whisper, V begged, “Then come on, Vik. Let me play doctor for once.”

Fuck.

The way she was looking up at him with that smile, those bedroom eyes, leaning close like that with her fingers tugging on his shirt and talkin’ in that sweet, sexy voice.

Who was Viktor to deny her?

He sighed out a ‘Fine’ and nodded in agreement. Consent confirmed, V went to work. V’s fingers moved to undo the remaining buttons of his shirt, but Viktor stopped her hands. His own hands were warm, a little rough with scars and callouses on the tips and knuckles. In response to V’s questioning look, Viktor grabbed his shirt and ripped the buttons loose with a jerk. They pattered at their feet.

“Trash,” he stated as he slid his arms free from his shirt. Like the buttons, it went airborne and landed in a nearby biohazard bin.

“Hey now,” warned V with mock annoyance. “I said let me play doctor.”

“Oh am I being a bad patient?” returned Viktor.

To his surprise, V placed her palm at the center of his chest. Her fingers flexed gently against his undershirt, making Viktor’s heart race. She then gave a gentle shove.

“The worst,” she teased as Viktor let her push him back into his own operating chair.

Even if he wanted to, there was no way that Viktor could hide his smile. He was at a loss. What in the world had gotten into V? Not that he was complaining of course, but he was so used to waiting. The flirting, the winks, all those playful innuendos had been going on for such a long time. By now, Viktor simply accepted that she wouldn’t push it further, that their friendship or whatever they had, consisted of only those teasing moments. Nothing more. In the end he believed that V didn’t want anything deeper with the ripperdoc. And that was fine. A bummer, but fine. Didn’t feel bad about it. Didn’t resent her. She was younger, a wild one who made a hobby out of recklessly injuring herself doing God knows what in the city. The man wasn’t new to women or intimacy, and with a woman like V he thought it best to let her set the terms, especially considering that she was after all his patient. A patient who ate his food, slept on his couch, completely ignored his work schedule, and called him ‘pretty boy’ on the regular. A patient no less.

So imagine how fast his heart was racing as her fingers softly cupped his cheek, at how her body leaned in close as she inspected the small cut beneath his eye. Viktor tried his hardest to look off into nothingness rather than at her breasts. Tried to ignore how delicious she smelled. Was she wearing perfume-

“Breathe, Vik,” she mumbled. “Can’t have my first patient black out on me.”

She fucking winked and that goddamn smirk of hers graced her lips.

“I, uh,” he began. He laughed, a bit too nervously for his liking. “I’m sorry, just, just distracted. It doesn’t hurt that much, ya know.”

“How’d he get ya?” asked V.

To Viktor’s disappointment, V stepped away from the chair and walked towards his workbench. He didn’t miss how her hips swayed or how she bent over to grab his medical kit in a nearly exaggerated manner. The way she looked into his eyes while she straightened, all slow and sensual with those curves of hers, went immediately to his dick. He swallowed.

“Um,” he said stupidly. “He, uh, headbutted me. With his head.”

“Ouch,” she replied.

Before she returned to the flustered ripperdoc, V shimmied out of her bomber jacket and tossed it on his workbench. A tattered crop top pulled against her skin as she shook out her dark hair.

Viktor had the decency to rest his hands in his lap to shield the effect that the merc had on him.

Her tongue wet her lips as she fished through the kit for what she wanted. The glance she shot in his direction proved that there was no innocence in the act.

What the fuck was happening?

That question repeated itself over and over again in his mind as she again bent closely towards his body to apply a Q-tip to the wound, offering another delicious view of her ample breasts.

“Can I get some feedback, doc?” she asked quietly.

Viktor swallowed, his mouth dry like sand.

“Yeah, kid,” he replied lowly.

V paused her work to truly look at him, to gaze into those gorgeous eyes of his. Then, all calm and collected, V perched herself next to him at the edge of the operating chair. Viktor allowed her some room as she cupped his cheek with her other hand, her breasts resting on his torso as she leaned into him. Her thumb ghosted his skin, tempting. Teasing. Viktor ignored the urge to press against the throbbing hardness in his pants. The cut long forgotten, his attention was caught up in V’s eyes, the warmth of her skin, her smell, the sultriness of her voice.

“Do you want me?”

Her mouth was so close to his. The warmth of her breath tickled his skin like static. Viktor’s eyes shut in anticipation as V slowly drew herself to his lips.

He felt nothing, but heard the soft tear of paper. Viktor’s eyes fluttered open, brow crinkling in confusion. V had sat up and was unwrapping a small bandage, her eyes fixated on the task while he gaped at her. When it was open, she reached out and carefully applied the bandage to the cut on Viktor’s cheek.

“All done,” she stated in a chipper tone, a wide smile stretched from ear to ear.

Viktor smirked.

“Oh yeah?” he questioned. “Think you’re hot shit giving this old man a heart attack?”

“Think I gave you more than that, pretty boy.”

Her eyes flickered to his lap and back to those ocean eyes. Viktor sat up in the chair, his hands not budging as if his life depended on it.

“You never answered me,” said V, the playfulness gone from her voice and replaced with a feeling that Viktor found it hard to describe.

There was no mystery, however, to how he felt in hearing it. His heart melted at her words, at how the game was finally over and that she, beautiful V, wanted to know if he wanted her. A stupid question, really, but an important one all the same.

“Ah V,” he said with a sigh.

Panic alit her eyes like fire, but it was quickly doused as Viktor took her by the hand.

“Of course I do,” Viktor replied earnestly. He gave her hand a small squeeze. “I’d be a fuckin’ liar if I didn’t.”

For whatever reason, Viktor saw V blink as if there was something odd in what he said. The moment was short and quickly forgotten as V embraced him so hard that the pair fell back in his operating chair, his arm wrapped around waist and his lips pressed into her hair.

[fweasleyswhore]

Who We Are - F.W.

Chapter Four: Nothing More

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three

a/n: the world may fall apart idk but rn i kinda have hope and that was enough to get me goin and fucking finish this chapter omg, im sorry i hope im providing a small amount of solace i know its hard rn

summary: Executing the prank leads to a moment alone with Fred that leaves you with butterflies and more questions than you can keep count of. 

word count: 3.1k

warnings: fluff, just fluff and some shet writing baybeeee

tags: @you-make-children-cry @bohemianspacebabe @levylovegood @louist-pics @rochellestark @hufflepuffzutara @weasleybeb @whoreforfredweasley

The end of term quickly approached. I stood in my green dorm throwing things messily into my trunk. Today was the big day and my nerves were showing it. I had to help the twins prank Snape, that I was ok with, then I was spending the break with the twins and their family, that was scaring me. I was aware that all of the Weasleys were in Gryffindor, even Bill, and Charlie who had since graduated. I knew that my friendship with the twins, as well as Ron would give me cushioning but people, especially Gryffindors were never too inviting to Slytherins. I understand why Slytherins are seen as mean and cold, and I won’t lie I have been cold before. I turned people down often to focus on my studies and I don’t realize how I come off doing so. That was a bit of a curve in my relationship with the twins. They were apprehensive in continuing our friendship after my sorting and when they did I was thrilled, but we had a lot of issues none the less. 

“Cmon, transfiguration can wait.” A second-year George pushed. I rolled my eyes, unable to study or keep focus as they continued to pester me. 

“No, it can’t.” I snapped. “I need to do this, so please just let me finish it.” They glanced at me, obviously on edge due to my outburst before walking away. I sighed in relief and continued to scribble down notes. I had to get perfect marks to become a Healer, that was my dream and that was why I was sorted in Slytherin, my ambition and goals were at the top of my mind at all times. I was going to be a Healer. I knew since I was a child I wanted to help people. 

I cringed closing my trunk as the memory resurfaced. I remembered the fight that followed that, I never meant to upset them or hurt them but I would put my studies first. I have loosened up since but I have shared my goals with them and they have been extremely understanding and stopped pushing me as much, giving me time to study. They understood my curtness and I promised to be kinder even when I was stressed. My temper caused some tension between us especially at the beginning of our friendship, but now they don’t see my house or the color on my robes but the girl they met on the train four years ago. My favorite days were the days where I would sit with Fred and George by the lake, they would work on a prank invention and I would work on my homework. It was comfortable and homey, they always made me feel at ease. 

I picked up my trunk, pulling it out of the dorms and common room. There was eagerness in my steps as I made my way to the Gryffindor common room,  levitating my trunk up the stairs I felt my heart rate pick up. I had never spent the holidays with friends, much less with the family of the boy who I had a crush on. I tried to regain my breathing walking into the common room. It always felt warm and comforting, a stark contrast to the Slytherin common room. Dropping my trunk by the portrait hole I scanned the room for my redheads. Spotting them, their backs to me as they talked feverishly to Lee Jordan who sat in front of them. 

Jumping over the back of the couch I plopped in between them. Lee erupted into a fit of giggles as both boys jumped away from me. George glared, shoving me with his shoulder. This didn’t discourage my grin, looking over to Fred I saw him pouting. I bit my lip, reaching up I ruffled his overgrown locks. His pout transformed into a small smile. Seeing his features transform caused my smile to grow. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him. His scent engulfed me much like he was, cinnamon and fireworks overpowering the rest of my senses. I smiled as my hand traveled up to his chest, resting on it to steady myself as I crashed into his chest. I didn’t notice George and Lee staring with amused looks adorning their faces, all I was focussed on was Fred. His fingers traced small patterns on my arm. 

Instead of address his affections he steered the conversation back on track. “So Lee, any thoughts.” I turned to see Lee, he looked as though he was going to burst into laughter, swallowing his amusement he shook his head no. I looked over to George who had a very similar look on his face. I realized their amusement was directed at Fred and I and I felt my cheeks heat up as I looked at the floor, slightly embarrassed. 

“Are you ready?” I pulled my gaze up to Fred. He was looking at me concerned, the weight of his arm was lessened and I felt him pulling back, seemingly aware of my embarrassment. I quickly forgot about it as I nodded up to him smiling. I squeezed his jumper slightly with my hand. 

“More ready than I’ve ever been.” I gushed. His arm relaxed and he pulled me closer laughing lightly. I tried to focus on him as the butterflies erupted inside of me. 

“More ready than the last test you took? I swear you studied for two days straight.” I glared at him as he laughed more at my expression. It was true, I did study a lot, I was worried about my marks, but that was justified with the perfect score I received. 

“It was worth it, besides I forced you to study and you did well, don’t make fun of me you benefited from it.” He sighed defeated. 

“Let’s go lovebirds! I do believe you need to talk to your professor.” George threw a pillow at us and got up. His long legs pulled him up and in a few strides, he stood waiting for us at the portrait hole.  I blushed and pulled myself off of Fred, putting my hand out to help him up which he gladly took and we ran off to the potions classroom. 

I peaked my head inside, seeing Snape. From behind my back, I waved the twins off, signaling for them the hide as I walked inside the classroom clearing my throat. 

“Mr. Snape?” He aggressively shut the book in his hands and turned to see me, his black hair swaying slightly. He raised an eyebrow, nonverbally telling me to continue. “Could you help me pick out a potions book to study over break? I haven’t been very happy with my marks and I wanted to improve, I just wasn’t sure which one to pick and Pince isn’t here.” He let out a short groan, placed his book down, and strode out of the door. 

“Follow me.” His monotone voice rang through the hall. I skipped slightly trying to keep up with him. I glanced behind me and I watched the twins slink into his room, Fred sent me a wink before going into the room. I blushed and turned back towards Snape as he led me through the hall towards the library. The library visit was long and aggravating, Snape made a lot of remarks about my grades, calling them less than, but I pushed my anger aside and tried to focus on the task at hand which was to distract him for as long as possible. Eventually, once I had checked out three potions books, filled with information I already knew he was back on his way to his classroom and I ran up to the common room to find the twins. Walking through the portrait hole I was met with roaring laughter, the common room was packed with people all adorning red. Finding the source of their laughter wasn’t hard. As my eyes looked through the crowd I saw Fred and George, covered head to toe in a pink paint like substance, both of them looked extremely happy despite the color of their robes.

“I did not just spend half an hour with Snape for this to backfire.” I said walking up to them, I tried to sound serious but it was hard to contain my laughter as I got a better look at them. 

“You didn’t! Let’s just say the cauldrons weren’t the only thing that turned pink.” George said sheepishly. 

“Yeah let’s just say it was the desks as well…” Fred added. 

“And the chairs…” George continued. 

“And the walls…” Fred cringed. 

“Don’t forget the ceiling.” George laughed out.  

I shook my head at the two boys. Fred smiled at me and it made my heart race. “You two should clean up, before Snape sees you looking like his classroom.” They nodded and we all walked up the dormitory stairs toward the bathrooms. 

I watched amused as George walked through the doorway, he was pulling clumps of pink paint out of his hair. Fred turned to me. 

“Do you want to wait out here?” He asked. 

“Well I didn’t think you wanted me in there while you showered.” I laughed out. “Give me your robes when you get out and I will try to get the pink out.” He nodded and walked in after George. I leaned against the wall trying to imagine Snape’s classroom, wishing I could have seen his face. Soon enough a dripping George walked back out of the doorway, he had a towel in his hands and another wrapped around his hips. 

“Like what you see?” He winked as he used the towel in his hands to dry his hair. Dramatically he stopped and flexed, turning around and doing different poses. 

“Will you go get dressed.” I laughed out. “Are your robes in there? I’ll try and get the pink out after Fred’s out.” He nodded and walked up the steps, he didn’t leave without showing me a few more poses but eventually he disappeared into his dorm. 

“Y/N?” My head picked up at the sound of my name, I recognized Fred’s voice although slightly muffled by the door. “Will you come in here?” 

I walked tentatively toward the door. I pushed it open and saw the big bathroom, the left side had multiple shower stalls and there were benches and cubbies to my right. Looking around I saw Fred leaning against a sink straight in front of me, he had a towel wrapped around his hips much like George but it sat slightly lower. I closed the door behind me and took a few steps forward. 

“You ok Freddie?” I asked. He turned to face me and I gulped, his toned torso and pale skin was dripping due to the humidity in the room. The room itself was slightly foggy and the longer I looked at him the more hot I felt. The damp air caused my clothes to latch onto my skin and seeing him in front of me made my breathing hitch. 

He let out a short groan. “I can’t get the pink out of my hair.” Looking at his hair instead of his body I could see the clumps of pink he couldn’t get out. I walked forward and reached my hands up to move his hair, our chests were close to touching, I could feel his eyes on my face which was getting hotter the longer I stood there. I kept my focus on his ginger locks, moving them around to inspect them the best I could considering our large height gap. 

“Did you use cold water?” I asked. He nodded curtly and swallowed, I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well you hardened the paint and it’s practically dried in your hair now.” 

He groaned again. “So I bloody gave myself hypothermia for nothing?” I bit my lip to suppress another laugh that was dangerously close from escaping. I watched as his eyes travelled down to my lips momentarily causing a new wave of heat and nerves to hit me like a bus. 

“I’m sorry Freddie, I can try to get it out for you if you want.” I offered, I felt bad for him, I knew he didn’t want to cut his hair and if we didn’t get it out we might just have to. 

“You want to shower with me?” He smirked down at me. I felt my cheeks warm up and my mouth go dry. 

“I meant in the sink.” I gulped and slapped his chest lightly. His smirk didn’t falter as he lowered his head in the sink. I turned on the hot water, testing it to make sure it wasn’t too hot I directed his head into the line of water. I massaged his head lightly and I felt him relax as I did so. I saw the way his shoulders lost their tension and the muscles moved lightly as he sighed. I felt accomplished seeing that I was helping him. 

I took my eyes off of his back and watched the water turn pink and go down the drain. When the water was looking clear again I racked my fingers through his hair to make sure I didn’t miss any clumps. Satisfied I turned off the water and turned around to grab a towel for his head. Drying my hands I heard him ring out his hair. 

“Wow, thanks.” He said breathily, I turned to see him inspecting his hair in the mirror. I walked up to him with a smile on my face. 

“No problem.” He smiled back, leaning down he went for the towel in my hands. Before he could grab it I threw it over his head. He pulled the towel off his face with a pout. 

“That wasn’t nice.” He began to dry his hair, moving his arms up and fast which caused his muscles to ripple beneath his skin. I gulped eyeing him as my body felt warmer than I would have liked in that moment. 

“Maybe that's my definition of nice.” I said breathlessly. My voice was a little weak and I knew my cheeks were flushed. He eyed me before halting his actions, the familiar smirk grew on his face and he walked up to me, closing the distance between us so there was less than an inch separating our bodies. 

“Is it?” He drawled, looking down at me. I looked at him from beneath my eyelashes, watching every movement he made as my heart felt like it was going to explode. I watched his eyes as they flickered between my own and then down to my lips. I felt us get closer but I wasn’t aware we were moving. “You know I quite like-” 

“Oi, stop snogging!” George’s voice made us both jump away from each other. I looked toward the door but it was out of sight. Relief washed over me as I realized that probably meant he didn’t see us so close together. “The train is leaving in less than an hour and I want to get food before we leave.” I watched as Fred collected his things, he sent me a sympathetic smile and walked towards the door. I didn’t move both confused and embarrassed. I heard a smack followed by a yelp from George before the door shut leaving me alone with their soiled robes and my racing thoughts. 

- 

The train ride was full of chatter. Pushing past people to find an empty compartment I heard a lot of whispers about Snape's classroom, the boys behind me were trying to suppress their giggles as we walked down the tight hallway. I stumbled a bit but towards the end of the train cart but I found one. 

“Finally.” I exclaim, I pushed through the door and struggled to lift my trunk over my head. Suddenly it became lighter and I watched it move above my head and onto its rack. Turning I saw Fred pushing it into place. “Thanks.” I breathed out. 

He smiled down at me. His hand lingered on my trunk caging me between the seats and him. Seeing him above me made my heart flutter, his hair was getting longer and it fell into his eyes, leaning up on my toes I brushed it out of his eyes slightly. I watched him tense slightly and sputter for a moment. He froze and I sat down happily knowing I made flush. He sat down next to me, leaving little room between us despite the empty bench. I looked across to the other side of the compartment where Lee and George were eyeing me amused. Rolling my eyes I tried to send them my best ‘drop it’ face. 

The train ride was filled with giggles and Fred and George telling us about the prank from their point of view. Half way through their story I zoned out, eyeing the rolling fields in through the window. My thoughts traveled back to the bathroom, what happened there and what could have happened if George didn’t interrupt. 

Was he about to kiss me?

My logical side said I was crazy for considering it but my romantic side couldn’t deny the fact that he kept looking at my lips. I brought my hand up to trace my lips, imaging what could have been as the scenery outside changed from farm land to the city. 

“Almost there!” I announced. I remembered I was staying with them and I was put on edge immediately. The thoughts of doubt resurfaced about being rejected because of my house. I felt my heartbeat quicken and my palms get sweaty. 

“Mum’s so excited to meet you.” George said snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked at him puzzled. 

“She wouldn’t stop writing about it,” Fred laughed from beside me. “You’re going to room with Ginny is that ok?” I nodded as a response still feeling the nerves buzzing around inside me. 

“Yeah,” George snorted. “She didn’t us to sleep in the room, I don’t blame her though, I don’t want to be up all night because you and Fred are snogging or more than that.” He feigned disgust and I tried to push down the embarrassment as I pushed my focus on the window. I watched as the train entered the station, out of the corner of my eye I watched Fred chuck a chocolate frog box at his twins head and Lee laughing only to be kicked by George. I suppressed my smile and watched the station change from a blur of people into more recognizable shapes as the train stopped.

[lawslessons]

So I read your rules and saw your requests were open 😊 can I ask for Sanji X Reader oneshot/HC where they are having one sided feelings for that cook from a long time but this person doesn't even notice. Angst with happy ending please. Im a sucker for angst and happy endings. Please ignore this if you are not interested. 💜 take care!

Sanji x Reader: Just a Glance

Yes! I am so happy you requested this! I had an amazing time writing this and I hope you enjoyed this!

Warnings: Minor Angst

Synopsis: Thrown away looks and sympathetic smiles, that was all the chef wad able to offer them for the longest time. The longer they were forgotten by the chef, the more desperate and fearful they became and the harder they seemed to fall for the oblivious, love sick man. But through a twist of fate and a simple glance, will their destiny being to not look so bleak?

They sat across the table from him and watched as he doted on the women that were there. The hearts in his eyes thumped rhythmically as he served the women who didn’t even acknowledge the chef’s existence. Nami and Robin didn’t seem to notice the chef’s affections, but they did. And god, they wished that were them. If Sanji were to approach them like that, they knew that would melt, combust, explode. Their heart would swell up and they knew they would be no better than the chef in front of them. But that wasn’t how things worked now, was it? The chef turned over his shoulder and shared a small glance at the person who was staring at him from across the room. They sighed dreamily and watched as the chef turned away, he seemed to not notice their affliction. Or was it because he didn’t care? If that was the case, they didn’t blame him. After all, he was a powerful man, someone who could get whatever he wanted very easily, and that was something that upset them sometimes. Why would he want to settle for someone like them when he could have any other woman or person in the world? This had been going on for quite some time. They would always try and do their best to get Sanji to look over at them, acknowledge them in the same way he did the girls. Were they so different from them?

They remembered their first encounter with the chef. When they were recruited by the boisterous captain, a party was held in their honor. While everyone was talking and playing games, they had noticed that someone was missing from the group, yet all this food was appearing constantly. After putting two and two together, they decided to venture away from the party and over to the second floor of the ship where they saw the chef preparing food for everyone. They lingered at the door and took in the breathtaking sight. The blonde chef took in a deep breathe of his cigarette and looked down at the pans in front of him. While there was a lot there, nothing seemed to be messy. His swift and dexterous hands moved efficiently around the stove and mixed, stirred, flipped and turned the food. There was a small bead of sweat that dripped down the side of his forehead and onto his cheek but he was quick to wipe it away. He didn’t seem to notice the wide, impressed stare he was being given across the room. The chef rolled his sleeves up and used a hand to brush part of his hair up before he continued with his cooking, he was focused, nothing seemed to be distracting him and he looked like the type of man who would get disturbed by any disruption. So out of respect for his craft, they left the kitchen with a red face. They leaned back against the kitchen door and felt their heart beginning to thump rather sporadically against their chest. When they placed their hand on their chest and felt the poor organ struggling to relax, they smiled. This was the start of something wonderful, wasn’t it?

Wrong. Completely wrong.

The look Sanji was giving the other women who were there was making that painfully obvious for them. It took all inside of them to resist saying anything, doing anything. What would it take for him to finally notice them? The women seemed to notice their friend’s affliction quite some time ago and had a plan for it in place. The women saw it as a perfect plan which could get the love-sick cook off their back and give their friend the attention they so craved from their crush.

“Oi, Luffy? Sanji? Why don’t we all play a game?” Nami suggested as she gently traced her finger along the lip of her glass. Sanji grinned and bounced over to Nami’s side before he clasped his hand into one of her’s.

“Yes! Anything for you,” Sanji said with a large grin on their face. Perfect. Nami smirked over at Robin who looked over at their confused friend. What were they all plotting? No matter what it was, they had to admit that they were curious and wanted to be a part of it. So they reluctantly moved over to the table and watched as Nami clapped her friends when the group all gathered.

“These are the rules, we all have to sit in a circle and we will spin a bottle. Whoever the bottle lands on has to go into the closet and read off a question assigned to them by the group,” Nami explained.

“Isn’t that just seven minutes in heaven without the heaven?” Franky asked, Robin kicked his leg under the table with a small smile on her face. “Yow! Why did you do that?” Franky frowned to which Robin chuckled and gently brushed her dark hair over her tan shoulder.

“Anyways, like I was saying, that’s the game we’re playing and if any of you have a problem with that, I don’t wanna hear it,” Nami stated before she went to lead the way over to the main deck so they could all sit in a comfortable circle. Once everyone was situated, Sanji brought out an empty sake bottle and placed it in the middle of the circle before he went ti sit next to Franky. Excited about getting this started, Franky grabbed the bottle and spun it. Much to his surprise, it landed on Zoro. Zoro looked at the bottle in some concern but stood up and went to go into the cramped closet with Franky. Some yelling was heard, but when both of the men came out they didn’t look angry at one another, in fact they both looked rather pleased with each other.

“We are never talking about that again though, ok?” Franky frowned at the swordsman who just rolled his eyes with a small smirk on his face. The whole crew was left wondering what had happened in the closet. The other rounds were uneventful. Robin went with Usopp and Chopper went with Nami while Brook went with their captain. All that seemed to be left was them and Sanji. And Robin knew this. The cunning woman watched as the spun the bottle and used his devil fruit abilities to make the bottle stop on the chef. She watched with a pleased expression on her face as her friend looked shocked and then terrified.

“Look’s like you two are up,” Nami grinned as she watched the confused chef and their friend stand up and slowly make their way to the closet. When they were both inside, they both finally realized just how cramped the space was, neither of them knew how Zoro and Franky were even able to sit in here.

“What’s the question?” They asked Sanji. The chef looked down into his suit’s pocket and pulled out a small slip of paper before he began to read over it.

“What’s your biggest fear?” Sanji asked with a small frown, “How are we supposed to answer this in seven minutes?” He asked, they couldn’t help but smile a bit at that. He never understood, did he? Perhaps that was their biggest fear.

“I know mine,” They shared as they rested their back against the wall and sighed. Sanji lit a cigarette and watched them in some curiosity, “But I want to hear yours first,” They said with a small grin.

“You drive a hard bargain,” Sanji dryly laughed as he blew out the toxic smoke into the communal air and sighed. “Never being good enough for someone,” he shared, that came as a surprise to them for sure.

“What do you mean?” They found themselves asking him.

“Relationships and stuff I suppose, I guess I always go around to other women and people because I guess I never expect myself to be good enough for one single person. Sound’s pretty shitty, doesn’t it?” Sanji asked them.

“It kinda does,” They admitted which made the chef laugh. They smiled when they heard the sweet music of Sanji’s voice reach their ears. “Now I guess I should say mine, right?” They asked Sanji to which the chef nodded. He seemed to be a lot more relaxed now that his secret was out of the way. “Having the person I love never loving me back,” they explained with a sad smile on their face. Sanji once again looked confused, it shocked them how dense he actually could be in moments like this.

“Love? You love someone?” Sanji asked just as the door was being opened by Robin’s hand.

“It doesn’t matter I suppose, I know he’ll never love me back,” They said before they left the closet and looked at all of their friends sitting in the circle still. “I’m feeling tired, I think I’m going to sleep early,” They announced as they went to leave. And unbeknownst to them, Sanji looked over at them with a concerned look. 

He was up for the rest of the night, pacing round the kitchen and saying goodnight to the rest of the crew. It was quiet for the whole night, but there was one thing that broke the silence. He heard a door opening somewhere on the ship, and when he poked his head out of the kitchen, he caught sight of them standing by the railing of the ship and looking out into the night sky with a small smile on their face. Sanji was now the one who found himself staring at them and taking in their features. He supposed the thing that surprised him the most, made him the most worried was the sad look in their eyes. Those bright, beautiful eyes were illuminated by the stream of tears that flowed onto equally beautiful cheeks. The chef couldn’t bear to watch them stand out in the cold air with such a despairing look on their face. He stepped out of the kitchen and removed his suit jacket and went up behind them. He blew out some of the smoke in his mouth as he dropped the fabric over their shoulders and watched as they turned to face him.

“I can’t sleep because of you,” Sanji shared, he watched as their face suddenly pinked and Sanji slowly began to put the pieces together. But he needed to be sure about this before he did anything. “I guess you’re awake for the same reason too, right?“ Sanji asked as he crossed his arms over his chest to keep himself warm for as long as possible. They hugged the jacket closer to themself and looked away from the chef. Sanji reached his hand forward and gently touched their chin with his finger and led their face to look him in his exposed eye. “You can be honest with me,” He assured them.

“Yes,” They found themselves saying without even realizing what was coming out of their mouth.

“Yes?” Sanji asked as his hand moved to cup their cheek. He felt his heart skip when they relaxed under his touch. Was this happening? He just talked about his fear with them a couple of hours ago, and now here they were, so close to dissipating their fears. “I’m scared of you, what you’re doing to me,” Sanji admitted as he pulled his hand away and stuffed his hands rather ungracefully in his dress pant’s pockets.

“What am I doing to you?” They asked with a sudden frown. They removed the jacket from their shoulders and shoved it back into Sanji’s arms. “You’re acting as if this is all my fault, do you realize what all you’ve done to me? How much I’ve suffered because of you?” They asked as they stepped back, their hands and feet practically hugging onto the rail. “You’re so blind, Sanji! You are everything I want and everything I’m scared of at the same time! I can’t take it!” They snapped as they dug their nails into the wood and looked up at Sanji with pitiful eyes. Sanji was in shock, his cigarette fell against the deck as he watched them cry and break down in front of him. Sanji didn’t know how to handle this, them. He never had to deal with something like this and it caught him off guard, he was shocked and felt as if he was punched when he finally came to a serious realization.

“I’m your fear?” Sanji suddenly asked.

“Yes! You Id—“ They were quickly cut off when Sanji pulled them into a hug and held them close and tight to himself. They stopped talking and looked at the chef with wide eyes as they were suddenly being kissed. Sparks flew and they both knew that what they were feeling was real and raw and powerful.

“I don’t want you to have to fear me,” Sanji said as he pulled them closer and hid his face against their hair and sighed. “You don’t need to fear me anymore, I’m yours, I want to be yours. I was so blind until now,” Sanji confessed as he looked down at the person in front of him. They wiped their tears away and felt their jaw drop just a bit, Sanji confessed to them, was this a dream?

“Me?”

“Yes! You, only you,” Sanji assured them with a small smile. “Only you…”

“Only me.” They mumbled, “What changed your mind?” They asked, they were genuinely confused, they didn’t understand how he could be so certain about all of this.

“I just had to open my eyes and look at what was in front of me… it took a glance.” Sanji smiled. They found themselves smiling at what the chef had said and dryly laughed at the irony of the situation, that was how they knew they liked Sanji. Loved him. Fell for him. And god, they were falling even harder now. As the sea breeze blew Sanji’s hair out of his face, they instantly knew that what they were feeling was safe and good. They no longer had to worry about their biggest fear, they had someone to protect their heart, and all it took was a glance.

[gebtoons]

my contribution to the bapo timeline discourse bc i’m just gonna propose a timeline and will not be taking criticism <3 (under the cut bc this is gonna be a long post probably) 

ok disclaimer I am quite stupid, however I’m gonna use my knowledge from my own 12 years in american public high school and what little info I have about american boarding schools/catholic schools that I have from my friends lol. so. idk. 

i’m also gonna date songs/major events and i’m gonna be taking some “just trust me bro” liberties bc y’all are right it does NOT make that much sense. 

January 6: Epiphany; this is like an actual holiday lol. like its always on the sixth. idk its good that this is the starting point bc its an actual date yknow? For the purposes of this timeline were going with that its early in the week, so lets go with Monday idk

January 6-13: You and I, Role of a Lifetime; so we’re all kinda in agreement that this timeline (at least the beginning) only really makes sense if you and i/role of a lifetime aren’t like. a singular moment and are instead multiple days. so yeah, of this first week, this is like. monday-next sunday ish yknow. 

January 14: Auditions, Plain Jane Fatass; ok so having auditions for a spring musical right after kids get back from break actually makes perfect sense to me, like i can see it being like “ok take break to prepare so as soon as you come back we can have auditions so we can jump right into rehersals” yknow? and since the rave is clearly on a friday (”we’ll meet in tanya’s room on friday night”) so i’m going with the monday before.  

as for pjf, i know it doesn’t make a ton of sense for them to get a two week late birthday package their first few weeks back from school, but hear me out it makes sense. the implication throughout this entire show is that the twins have decently shitty parents. from bits of dialogue (in this song in particular lol) i’m kinda inferring their the “only concerned with how their kids make them look to others” kind of neglectful. so I don’t think it’s too outside the realm of possibility that they went away for the holidays, didn’t bring the twins, and instead mailed them a birthday package and having it show up two weeks late. realistically the timing of this isnt that important and the explicit “two week” time frame could’ve been an exaggeration on nadia’s part to mock her shit parents (idk its in her character) basically ppl are a little two fixated on this imo but anyway. moving on. 

January 18: Wonderland, A Quiet Night At Home, Rolling, Best Kept Secret; a very agreed upon point in the timeline. its the friday following the auditions. moving on. 

January 21: Confession; also very agreed upon. the monday following the rave. moving on again 

January 23: Portrait of a Girl; the date here is kinda arbitrary, but bc sister chantelle says “ok lets try to put yesterday’s rehearsal behind us” and i for the life of me cannot think of a scene she could be referring to (there’s none in the script either) that implies it wasn’t the same monday as confession (bc even in a boarding school i think holding extracurriculars that aren’t sports over the weekend (especially when they are no where near crunch time lol) is weird and not common) so i just picked a random day during the week

January 25: Birthday Bitch!, One Kiss, Are You There?; from matt’s line in wonderland, ivy’s birthday is a week after the rave. in my timeline that’s january 25th (an aquarius queen). 

btw given all grown up’s “17, how will i manage?” ivy is 16 during 17 at her party, which is strange given shes a high school senior and seniors are typically 17 during 18. so either a) she skipped a grade, not an unheard of thing. or b) shes not a senior, shes just a junior who hangs out with a bunch of seniors, which is also pretty common. and looking through the script i can’t find any mention that she is also a senior, other than yknow she graduates with them, but she isn’t mentioned during the class ranking scene? so idk not that it really matters just a fun detail 

February 3 (at night): 911 Emergency!; ok controversial. i know i like the joke about how its funny that peter having a weird dream when he was high prompted him to want to come out and really ruined his relationship with jason. BUT. i think the dream (despite it’s weirdness) would have a lot more meaning if it wasn’t the result of being really high, but if it was a dream he had like a week later as a result of a building sense of guilt/anxiety bc he told matt. also it fits better given later timeline things. (this timeline literally only exists if there are weird jumps in time that don’t make a ton of sense) (EDIT: I forgot one line about Jason crashing at ivys but fuck it forget that bitchass line this makes for more drama its staying this way)

February 4: Reputation Stain’d, Ever After; the next day following peter’s dream, idk what else to say, moving on. 

February 25-28: Spring; another jump! i’m sorry but the only way for this to make sense logistically is for there to be quite a few time jumps! however, i also think this one works bc i think it gives time for everything from around ivy’s party and peter and jason’s break up to stew emotionally. like obviously a musical only has so much time to tell a story so the audience cannot see every realistic beat, but honestly i think it makes the whole thing a little more dramatic™ if there’s space for everything to settle, and for ivy to come and apologize and such. also, the reason it’s multiple days is bc in the script, ivy is trying to study (presumably for some sort of midterm) while nadia is playing, so that probably takes place a few days before they move out, so before finals. but in the script, jason and peter are packing and peter is leaving, so that part of the song/staging takes place on the 28th. yes, that’s weird, but we are clearly thinking more about the logistics of this school than the writers were so. 

March 1: One; assuming st. cecilia’s works kinda like boarding schools here, they probably do staggered move out/move in, just bc that would be a lot to have people coming and going at once so it makes sense that peter left the day before, while jason and ivy are leaving the next day. also, given that peter is trying to call jason while he and ivy are banging, it’s probably been a hot minute since the actual break up, since peter was clearly very hurt by the whole thing, it would make sense (at least to me) that peter would reach out a month ish later, rather than like a few days later (you have to make so many assumptions to make this timeline work granted they aren’t super out there assumptions but still this is annoying) 

March 1-25: Spring Break. the coworkers I have who are in boarding school work over their school breaks, which are longer than the public school breaks (which are only a week) so i put their spring break at 3 weeks. it makes sense, and it makes the later part of the timeline make sense. 

I know i’m already halfway through this, but to me it makes sense for their to be quite a few time jumps in the story bc its a musical. they cannot show every day. there are a lot of other shows (particularly shows set in high schools) that are set over a whole school year, but if you just look at the events of the story that doesn’t make sense, so you have to imply that obviously they are not showing every little detail. moving on. 

March 25: Wedding Bells, In The Hallway, Touch My Soul; peter wakes up from his nightmare in the church, so im assuming he fell asleep in church (like he almost did during epiphany). also it makes sense that class ranks are announced in late march-early april, I know my school announced ours in like, the first week or so of april? so yeah. moving on.

(from this point on i was giving myself a headache trying to make it make sense so its all weird from here!!)

April 4: See Me, Warning; the date doesn’t really matter here, I picked a random day in early april. the script said peter is calling from him and jason’s old dorm room, as he was picking up the last of his things, so he clearly made the roommate switch after school started (makes sense to me). 

April 15-20 (approximately): Ivy finds out she’s pregnant. look google tells me on average people find out they are pregnant around 5-7 weeks after conception. i went with around 7 just so this timeline makes a tiny bit more sense given the later stuff, so yeah here we go. 

May 4: Pilgrim’s Hands, God Don’t Make No Trash, All Grown Up, Promise, Once Upon A Time, Cross; a rough night for our heroes. so given sister chantelle saying “again? wonderful.” and nadia saying “i can’t believe you missed rehearsal again”, clearly ivy has been missing quite a few rehearsals, so for dramas sake maybe from when she found out she was pregnant? also i know i’ve been saying they wouldn’t have rehearsals on weekends, and given my weird timeline this would be a saturday, but its tech week so i’ll allow it. 

May 5: Two Households, Bare, Queen Mab, A Glooming Peace; pretty self explanatory, and it makes sense to have the spring play in early may. rip jason. 

May 11: Absolution; the day before graduation peter goes to confront the priest. gives him a small amount of time to start processing, and it makes sense it would be the night before, at least to me. 

May 12: No Voice; i fucking hate this. “peter, we graduate next sunday” i hate that stupid fucking line. do you know that this timeline literally would be fine if it weren’t for that stupid fucking line? bc then, the school play would be in early may and graduation could be in late may-early june (when most high schools hold graduation) but no. keeping with continuity, they have to graduate the sunday following the school play. “peter we graduate in a month, are you really never gonna talk to me again?” would have been fine. but no, now we have beef. literally everything else about the end of this timeline being kinda weird would work itself out, except for the fucking graduation. god damn. anyway, may 12th, the graduate on may 12th which is really fucking weird bc of that one fucking line. whatever. i didn’t write the damn thing bc if i did i wouldn’t have written that fucking line. (i’ve been at this for over an hour and a half, so i’m a tad annoyed, can you tell?) 

anyway, that’s it. that’s my long as hell proposed bare timeline. if there’s anything glaringly wrong with it i don’t care bc this timeline literally cannot make sense. but honestly, now that i think about the Popular Tween High Schooler Musicals (heathers, bmc, deh) the timelines of those (especially heathers and bmc) don’t make tons of sense either. that’s just the way it is, that’s the way its gonna be. and we have to live with it. 

this post is so long it is actually slowing down my laptop as i type it

[sarah-writes-marvel]

After-Party Showdown: MCU Cast x Fem!Reader (platonic)

S.S.” Ive literally had this fic finsihed since like Febuary so its a little rough but let me know how you like it!

Warnings: Blood, predetor male (Sorry to anyone named Eric... im sure your very kind), rudness..., sexual talk (kinda)

Word Count:1,710

MASTERLIST

-----------------------------

We had finished watching the premiere of the newest Avenger movie and the set, cast and a few selected friends returned to the reserved reception room at the hotel that many were staying at. 

RDJ, Tom Holland, Hiddelston and Gwenth were talking with a few friends of theirs and some of the set members. Chris Evans, Hemsworth, Elizabeth and Scarlett were also in their own separate group that was somewhat merged with Sebastian, Anthony, Don and Paul.

I was new blood to the crew, and although I was immediately accepted by the cast, I watched them mingle from the bar.

Eventually people began to disperse, mainly people that worked the cameras and the background actions. Basically leaving the actors and actresses and their few friends they brought with. 

I continued to sit at the bar talking with various people that came to refill drinks, even had a lovely conversation with the bartender, who seemed slightly star stucken. Nearing the end of the night a charming gentleman came to my side and struck up a conversation with me as we sipped away at our drinks.

“Hello beautiful. I’ve got to say you’re way too pretty to be over here on your own.” he said with a pearly white smile.

“Oh well thank you.” I blushed at his compliment. 

“So why aren’t you mingling with everyone? I've seen you sitting over here all night.” he replied, studying my face.

“I’m more of a people watcher. Introverted and all that jazz.” I reply taking a sip of my drink looking at the cast laughing and talking.

“Alright I can understand that. Do you want to be less introverted and hang out with me?” He replied with a sly tone in his voice.

“Well you sitting next to me talking aren’t you?” I stated. “In my book that’s considered hanging out.”

“Well I meant more along the lines of a nice walk and maybe heading back to my place.” His statement was blunt and outgoing.

“Oh well, I appreciate the invitation but I have to decline.” I replied as kindly as possible.

“Oh come on sweetheart. Why not?” His voice whined.

“First I don’t know your name. Second, I'm not a one night stand kinda girl, I'm assuming that’s what you had in mind.” I looked at him pointedly and annoyed.

“I’m sure I could change your mind. I’m Eric. It’s wonderful to meet you.” He held his hand out and finally introduced himself.

“I wish you would’ve led with your name.”

“Duly noted.” he retracted his hand before he kept talking. “So what’s your name?”

“Y/n.”

“Very hot.” his comment caused me to roll my eyes just slightly.

“If you are going to try and complement my clothes off you should stop now.” 

“Why? Because it’s going to work.” He leaned in, the brandy apparent on his breath, his hand sneaking around my waist.

“No,it won’t work. I would also appreciate you not touching me.” I said scooting a few inches away.

“Oh come on. You know you want to have a good time.”

“I was having a good time.” Even I could recognize the annoyance in my voice. I continued to watch my friends talk amongst themselves, saying goodbye to others.

“I can make it so much better though. I mean the dress is just begging to come off. It would be a great addition to my floor.”

“Excuse me?” I set my drink down on the bar, standing up and crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Oh please. You wore that so you could get compliments didn’t you?” His eyes looked at the dress that hung on my body. It was a decently modest midnight blue dress. It hugged my waist, the skirt ended just above the knee, it even had long sleeves. The only suggestive thing about it was the vneck and the open back.

“Yes. Compliments. That was not a compliment. That was a shitty way to try and pick up someone.” I replied.

“Oh please. You should be happy that I asked you.” His face turned to anger almost as if he was annoyed.

“I’m perfectly happy turning down your request. I hope that you have a good night.” I turned heading towards the group to leave behind the creep at the bar but a hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me back.

“What the hell do you think you are doing.” My voice was stern yet quiet doing my best not to create a scene.

“I’m going to ask again until you say yes.” he’s hand tightened around my wrist.

“Let go of my wrist.” I demanded a little louder wishing that the bartender hadn’t left to retrieve more ice and alcohol.

“Not till you say yes.” He seethed. I tugged against the resistance on my wrist trying to pull away. “Quit being such a bitch and take the compliment that I actually want to sleep with you.” His voice was hot against my neck when he leaned in to whisper that into my ear. I snapped. 

I twisted my arm causing his hand to turn with it allowing me to break free, gripping his wrist pulling him from his seat wrapping his hand behind his back and shoving his face into the bar. Suddenly all eyes are on the interaction.

“First of all, I don’t need to feel grateful for you telling me that I look beautiful, I’ve heard it many times, and that my clothes would look better on your floor.” I let go of my hold, Evans and RDJ approached the two of us. Eric stood up, raising his hand, almost in an attempt to hit me.

“I wouldn’t do that.” Evans said before Eric moved.

“Don't tell me what to do with my girlfriend.We we’re just having a nice conversation.” Eric smirked, his hand placed on my waist.

“Seriously. You seriously just did that?” RDJ laughed.

“What? Did you come to save her or something?”

“Oh no. We aren’t saving her. She can easily take you on her own. We’re just suggesting that you don’t do that because it’ll come with an asswhopping from a young woman in heels and many lawsuits.” RDJ started with a smug tone.

“There is no way in hell that she'll be able to take me. Plus I've got amazing lawyers.” Eric spat back with a smirk.

“Oh ya, no. You really don’t want to challenge her.” Hemsworth commented. Eric looked at him with anger in his eyes. I picked up my glass from the counter, taking a sip and holding onto it so I wouldn’t punch his face.

“Whatever.” he turned towards me. “Good luck ever getting laid with your attitude.You’re nothing without a man's approval you know. Even had to have these people come to your rescue.” 

His voice was quiet and annoyed trying to dig under my skin. And it did a little bit, but it just fueled my anger toward him. I looked at him and the glass shattered in my hand as I tightened my grip. The glass fell to my feet the remaining liquid splashing onto my dress and onto his outfit. 

“You can go.” I even scared myself with the tone of my voice as I spoke. The look of fear in the man's eyes gave me a sense of pleasure that I put him in his place. He pushed his way through the group that had surrounded us and rushed through the exit.

“Well then. What a dick.” I started watching the door close. My hand was still in a fist and I held my other hand underneath, feeling the blood from the cuts drip into a puddle in my palm.

Everyone looked at me shocked.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to involve anybody. Is everyone ok?” I looked at the astonished faces of my friends.

“Are you seriously asking if we're ok?” RDJ questioned.

“Well ya.” I shrugged my shoulders looking at everyone who all seemed very concerned.

“You just crushed a glass with your bare hand. You are bleeding. We should be asking you that!” He exclaimed.

“Oh ya. I’m fine. I really hate guys like that though.” I looked down at my dripping hand and turned around to face the bar. I reached behind grabbing one of the clean white towels, dipping it into the cup of water that I had at the spot I was sitting. I began cleaning the affected wounds when Evans took over.

“You know I knew that you could take Hemsworth and I but I never knew you could do this! You gotta be careful. Someone might think you've got some super soldier serum flowing in your blood.” He smiled as he wiped away the blood and examined the cut in the center of my palm for glass. “Alright this may hurt just a bit.” He began tightly wrapping the cloth around my hand, tucking the end into itself.

“You should go to a doctor to get that properly taken care of.” Scarlett added.

“That's a good idea.” I agreed, standing from the seat that I had been pushed down on. “Well I had a great night with y’all! I hope I didn't ruin it with that little fiasco.” I smiled grabbing my clutch from the bar and walking through the group.

“Well where the hell are you going?” RDJ questioned.

“The hospital to get stitches, you know like Scar suggested.” I was confused at his question.

“Well someone’s gotta go with ya.” Evans stated.

“Ya. We’ll go with you. The night is still young!” RDJ exclaimed standing up and meeting me.

“You don't all have to come, it'll just be a couple of stitches.” I laughed.

“Too late I called the limo already. We're taking a trip to the hospital!” RDJ celebrated. Soon the rest of the crew was chiming in on a “To the hospital” chant as we made our way out the door, earning confused and concerned looks from the staff of the hotel. 

To say the hospital staff was surprised to see the cast of the marvel movies enter the emergency was an understatement, but I was glad to have the best people around me, even if it was for a few stitches.

---------------------------

Like I said it was one of the first fics I had written a while ago... But I hope you liked it! thanks for reading!

[dc41896]

Safe Haven

Hey guys! So a little backstory for this imagine, I randomly had a dream about this scenario with EZ and as soon as I woke up I was like “I gotta write that!” so here we are! Also just want to add how I really miss Mayans MC and my bois and I can’t wait for season 3 to come out🥰! Okay that’s pretty much it other than I hope you guys like it and sorry if it’s long or doesn’t flow well (I feel like it kinda seems rushed and towards the end doesn’t sound the best, but then again that might just be me being overly critical of myself 🤷🏽‍♀️ lol).

Pairing: EZ ReyesxBlack Reader

⚠️: Bit of angst, mentions of blood (very tiny), fluff mixed in throughout though

Sunlight beaming down from the small window above your bed, EZ slowly opens his eyes to see your still figure lying next to him. Hand placed just below his newest tattoo marking the birth of your son and leg draped over his, he gently brings you closer taking in the coconut scent of your lotion still radiating off your skin from last night.

Living a life like his, rarely could he experience peaceful mornings just lying down hearing the birds chirp outside, so he made sure to appreciate every second of it that he could.

“ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!?! YOU THINK IM THAT DUMB TO NOT KNOW YOU’RE LYING?!??!!”

Barely muffled shouting from your neighbors coming through the walls, EZ rolls his eyes with a soft groan while you begin to wake up.

“They’re arguing again?,” you groggily ask rubbing your eyes as a yawn slips from your mouth.

“Yea they just started.”

“Well, it could be worse. They could’ve started at one in the morning like last time,” you softly laugh grazing your thumb along his cheekbone. Taking your hand in his, he kisses your knuckles before leaning down to give the same attention to your pouted lips. Slightly calloused yet soft hand gripping your thigh, you push against his chest separating his lips from yours.

“Don’t start.”

“Start what?”

“You know exactly what,” you smirk. “Today we’re supposed to go get more diapers for Omari and more food for my fridge since someone and his brother keep eating everything.”

“That’s all on Angel, I know how to limit myself. And your leg was draped over me so really I should be the one telling you don’t start,” he chuckles kissing your jaw as you stick your tongue out at him. Sitting up, you carefully step over him to make your way to the bathroom.

“Whatever, I can’t help how I sleep Ezekiel.” Closing the door behind you, a wide smile spreads across his face as he shakes his head. While the use of his full name was only reserved for his father and brother, the way it rolled off your tongue made him want to hear you say it all day.

Swinging his legs over the side, he stretches before hearing the soft cries of his eight month old son in the other room. Quickly putting on his white tank and boots, his long legs guide him to the wooden crib in the next room. Tiny arms reaching between the bars, he carefully lifts him up to bounce him in his arms.

“Hey man, annoying neighbors woke you up too huh?” Reaching in his crib, he removes an older looking stuffed bunny with different sized buttons for eyes and a random patterned patch sewn on its belly. “Look what I got.”

Calming down, his hands roam around it’s face fixated on the black point that was its nose. “That patch was because your uncle Angel decided to keep throwing him at the ceiling fan seeing if he would stay on the blade. Don’t ever let him play with your toys ok?,” he smiles kissing the top of his head.

Like every event in his life, he could vividly remember everything that happened that day. Him begging Angel to stop. His hard headed older brother not listening until cotton fell from above. His mother calming him down insisting how it could be fixed as she smoothed his dark hair before kissing his forehead.

It may sound weird, but every time he saw that bunny he felt his mom’s presence as if he was back to that day sitting in her lap watching as she sewed his friend back together. That’s one reason why he wanted his son to have it, so his abuela would be with him.

Hearing your footsteps, he looks up to see you suspiciously looking towards the door instantly making him worry. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing I just thought I heard someone stop in front of the door,” you answer taking one last glance towards the front of your apartment. “It’s nothing though, they probably just paused for a second.”

Handing Omari to you, he approaches the door looking out the peephole before opening it to peak outside making sure no one was hanging around.

“Something like that happens again and I’m not here, call me.”

“I doubt-,”

“I’m serious Y/N.” Locking the door behind him he walks up to you and your babbling son peering down with dark brown eyes that were stern enough to know he meant business, yet still displayed their usual softness showing it was out of love for you and Omari that he was being so protective.

“Okay,” you answer; soon after feeling his beard brush against your skin as he pecks your lips.

———

“Ready to go to the park love?”

Bringing the diaper bag higher on your opposite shoulder, you balance your baby boy on your hip as you lock your door. Just as you turn around, you’re faced with three men patiently waiting while two of them intensely looked at you and your son. The tall, slender one in the middle, clad in a grey suit, displayed a small smile trying to appear friendly, but mostly seemed awkward as if he wasn’t used to that emotion.

“Hello, my name is Lincoln Potter and these are a couple of my associates. We’re looking for a man by the name Ezekiel Reyes, or EZ, as some call him. We have a couple witness accounts on seeing him in the area so we’re asking around for more possible information.” Holding up a candid picture of him on his bike outside his dad’s carneteria, you lightly bounce Omari hoping to distort his view so he wouldn’t possibly recognize his father.

“Sorry, haven’t seen him.”

“Well it doesn’t have to be around here. Have you seen him anywhere else? In town perhaps?”

“No, nowhere else,” you answer showing no emotion. While this was your first physical interaction with Potter, you were definitely familiar with the attorney. A few times while you were at EZ’s trailer he’d have to step away to answer his call or meet him in some secluded location. It was then you saw how much of a pain he could be to any target he had his sights on.

Looking at you for a few seconds his mouth parts as if he had more to say, but instead the awkward smile returns as he hands you his card.

“If you do happen to see him, please call. He’s needed for...very important matters.” Taking the card from his hand, he gazes down to Omari innocently nibbling on his fingers. Black coils on the top of his head shifting from the light breeze, his dark eyes finally meet Potter’s crystal blue ones causing a low chuckle to escape the man’s lips.

“Might I add you have a beautiful son. His father is very lucky to have such a beautiful family.”

Through his compliment you could feel a sense of iciness laced within. Like he knew what information you were keeping from him and was 10 steps ahead of your two.

Politely nodding your head as a soft “thank you” leaves your mouth, you walk by the three men feeling eyes on your back. After buckling your son in his car seat, you move to the drivers side quickly closing the door behind you before resting your head on the steering wheel to take a deep breath.

“Mama,” Omari whines lightly kicking his feet wanting the car to move.

“I know we’re going baby boy just give mommy a second.” Dialing EZ’s number, you pull out of the parking lot onto the busy street anxiously waiting for him to answer.

“Hey, you okay?,” he asks, deep voice full of concern and worry.

“Um well yes and no....it’s Potter.”

———

Sat on the floor watching your little boy laugh as he plays with his interactive animal book, you occasionally look out the window anxiously waiting to see EZ and Angel arrive any minute. After telling him what happened, he instructed you to meet him at the clubhouse where he’d take you to his dad’s just in case you were being followed.

Dropping you both off, he didn’t say much as he walked you into the small house. Kissing Omari’s cheek and then your lips, he quickly left again with his brother instantly making you worried. Knowing what was going on, Felipe tried to get your mind off things by offering you food and getting you to talk about yourself or Omari, which worked but not for long.

Now over three hours later, it was dark outside and neither you nor Felipe had heard anything from the brothers.

Motorcycles humming outside, you peer out the window to see Angel and EZ slowly making their way to the front of the house causing you to sigh in relief. However, your worries quickly returned seeing both tiredly trudge through the front door and the front of EZ’s grey shirt crimson with blood.

“What happened?!,” you ask rushing to examine him for any other injuries.

“Calm down, it’s not mine,” he answers bringing your hands to his lips with a small smile. “Just had to save this one as always.”

“Save me? Pretty sure that’s not how it went at all but ok. And I’m good too, thanks for asking.” Shaking his head Angel picks up your son before sitting down on the couch and flipping through the channels on the outdated tv. “You care about your tio don’t you man?”

Little hands pulling his hair as he giggles, Angel lets out a small yelp trying to loosen his strong grip.

“Omari be nice,” you laugh before returning your attention back to your boyfriend. “Here, let me help you clean up.” Leading him to the bathroom, you close the door behind you as he removes his leather vest and shirt before sitting on the toilet.

“Try not to cry this time alright?”

“Psh, whatever,” he lightly chuckles resting his large hands on the back of your legs. A comfortable silence falls over you while you stand between his legs carefully cleaning the blood from his scars. Although you had grown used to these moments being with him for a while now, that still didn’t take away the ache you always felt seeing him hurt.

“You and Omari might want to stay with your mom for a while,” he speaks just above a whisper.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? You saw what happened today Y/N, I don’t want you guys hanging around for it to happen again.”

“If it happens again,” you correct making him roll his eyes as he stands up.

“Now’s not the time to be naive, I’m driving you tomorrow. Your stuff is already packed waiting at the trailer.” Reaching for the door, you stand in his way planting yourself against the worn looking wood with arms crossed over your chest.

“Last time I checked, you’re Omari’s father not mine.”

“Y/N move.”

“No. I’m not afraid of Potter or the men under him, he’s all talk.”

“And how do you know?”

“Because if he really wanted to do something he would’ve done it then and there. I mean think about it they had me at my most vulnerable state with no where to go and no way to defend myself,” you explain receiving an exasperated sigh from EZ as his hand rubs down his face.

“It was a warning. Yea they didn’t do anything when they could’ve, but they wanted to scare you into telling them what they wanted to know and intimidate both of us with what they could do.”

“Well it didn’t work,” you reply guiding his chin to look at you. “Ezekiel I knew what I was getting into when we started talking and I’m still here. If it ever gets to the point where I don’t feel safe or fear for our son’s safety then we’ll leave, but until then I’m not letting Potter get to me. Plus do you think it would be easy for us to just leave after all this time?”

Placing both hands on either side of your head, he slightly bends down leaving his face inches from yours. “I’m not saying it would be easy, but if it needs to be done then that’s it bellita.”

“And when it needs to be done it will be.” Connecting your lips with his, your hands roam from his bare chest to the nape of his neck while his wrap around your body bringing you closer.

“We’re gonna need to put you in a new apartment too,” he says separating his lips from yours as his fingers graze up and down your spine.

“Hopefully your dad is okay with me staying here for a while longer then.”

“Here? What about the trailer?”

“I think the constant revving of motorcycles and occasional parties might not be ideal for a baby to be around.”

“True, you’re probably right,” you both laugh before being interrupted by loud knocking.

“Aye I hate to interrupt your probably intimate moment in there, but your kid is hungry and I’m not sure if it’s for what I can give him or what only mom can,” Angel explains as Omari fusses in his arms. “Relax man I’m trying to get her out here.”

“I’m gonna shower, you better go ahead before he starts pulling his hair again,” he smiles kissing your temple.

Opening the door, you carefully take Omari from his hands tickling under his chin to make him laugh. “Okay my baby lets get you fed.”

“The amount of strength he has that’s not a baby, that’s a tiny grown man,” Angel adds making you laugh.

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[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw for mentions of abandonment, trauma

hi friends, kinda just looking for some reassurance/advice if thats ok!

ive been in a relapsed state for a while now and yesterday i hit my lowest point because of how little support ive had since it started (this is no one's fault but my own and i accept this, i should add). i snapped at some friends of mine who were just trying to be nice and said what i really feel which probably isnt even true to reality anyway. im in the process of sending apologies to everyone that got caught up in it but i cant help but feel ive just sealed the deal and everyone i know just hates me and doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

i totally understand people arent obligated to put up with me when im acting out but the only reason im doing this is just... because as much as i want friends of mine to care about me, the mortifying ordeal of being known is a thing and i have really bad trauma surrounding abandonment from an ex who told me to my face that she didnt want to deal with me when i was sad then proceeded to get mad at me for trying to hide my depression to make her feel better, so i kind of just feel bad about talking to people and asking for help nowadays. i really want people to help me, but i refuse to let myself ask for help out of fear that i'm going to have to deal with that again. plus im also concerned about piling my issues onto others when its a bad time for them as well even when they say its ok because i did that when an ex-friend of mine was insisting everything was okay there too...

~ peachy

Hey there peachy!

That sounds like a difficult situation. I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. You deserve more support than you're getting.

Good for you for apologizing and acknowledging that you reacted poorly. That's really admirable. I hope you're giving yourself credit for that.

You won't know how they feel unless you ask them. Give them time to process your apology and make sure you're putting in effort to prevent that from happening again. If you think it will happen again, let them know what triggered it, remind them that you're sorry and that you take full responsibility for it, and try to work out how this could be prevented in the future. Communication is important when you let people in and allow them to see you when you're struggling. But it brings people closer together, builds intimacy.

You have a lot of self-awareness about your actions. It makes sense that you're not comfortable asking for help due to those pleas for help being thrown back in your face in the past. Our brains remember these things and try to protect us in the future. But we can also rewrite this idea our brains have. Every time you reach out and it is successful, your brain will learn that you're able to ask for help and that it won't cause you harm.

At the end of the day, people are responsible for what they do and communicate. If you tell your friends you need to talk for advice or venting, and if your friends aren't able to talk about a particular issue on a particular day, they need to communicate that to you. If they say they are up for talking, you can remind them that they can stop you anytime if they need to, but let yourself talk to them if they are up for it. It's really difficult, I know, but remember that you deserve support and that friends are people who care about you, want what is best for you, and are there for you. It's okay to ask for help. You are worthy of help. Anyone who has made you feel otherwise was wrong.

You deserve attention and care and support. I hope you're able to surround yourself with relationships that are good for you and your self growth.

Take care.

- Mod Misa

[princessamericachavez]

Fjorester in the Bjreaus talk

It’s yelling about Fjorester hours. I haven’t done this breakdowns in a while but there’s so much to analyze in that Bjreau’s talk and so much subtext and admissions and feelings in Fjord’s explanations that I really need to go step by step

this is mostly focused on the Fjorester side of the conversation because so many people have already broken down the BY in it and maybe i will too later but for now let me focus on my main OTP because wow 

Beau: So…. Jester

Fjord: *pikachu panic*

Fjord: There it comes. I was wondering when that melodic intro was gonna hit. 

Fjord: J-J-Jester?

THE WAY HE STUTTERS HER NAME. IM SO SOFT. 

Beau: You know what I’m gonna ask, dude, right? Like, what’s the deal?

Fjord, still deflecting: when you come with the ‘dude’, yes, I know what you wanna as.

Fjord, getting serious suddenly: What? What about Jester?

THAT’S THE FACE YOU MAKE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN CAUGHT ON UR CRUSH AND UR TRYING TO PLAY IT COOL BUT YOU’RE FREAKING OUT ENTIRELY

I MEAN THAT SMILE

Beau: 

Fjord:

Beau:

THEY BOTH KNOW. THEY ARE JUST DARING THE OTHER TO SAY IT OUT LOUD. 

Beau, finally giving in: You know how she feels about you. Or, at least, how she did. I don’t know if she still does.

*Fjord, immediately, starts touching his mouth in that nervous mannerism he always has when his image insecurities are brought up, like he wants to hide his tusks*

*i start quietly sobbing*

Fjord: I don’t either! I have no idea. 

DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING ABOUT FJORD, AFTER 108 EPISODES, ACKNOWLEDGING ALL THE FLIRTING JESTER USED TO DO AND THE FACT THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE HAD A CRUSH ON HIM EVEN IF HE DOESN’T KNOW IF THAT’S STILL THE CASE?

HE’S NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED THAT BEFORE

Fjord: I’m actually the less clued in as to how Jester feels. I actually tried to… ask, but I don’t know. 

WHEN FJORD? YOU HAVEN’T ASKED. SO WHEN DID YOU TRY? WHEN DID YOU WANT TO AND DIDN’T? WHAT CONVERSATION WAS YOU CAREFULLY TRYING TO SEE IF SHE STILL LOVES YOU? I NEED ANSWERS

Beau: You have to kinda be direct with Jester. Like, if you tried to side-step it-

Fjord: I get that. It’s just that there are more pressing matters at hand

I KNEW HE WASN’T GOING TO DO ANYTHING DURING TC BECAUSE SHE’S SO STRESSED ALREADY AND HE WANTS HER TO HAVE HER TIME AND ALL THEIR SUPPORT WITHOUT ADDING STRESS

Fjord: And… I feel like I’m the fourth version of myself since I left Port Damali. And I feel like it could change again in a month or three months. I feel as if the ground is shifting underneath my feet every few nights that I wake up. And it’s crazy, I actually love cause it’s all been for the better, it no matter how crazy it’s been, but what I wanted when this all began is so far in the past I can’t… I forget about it sometimes. It comes for me in the middle of the night. But… Jester is hard to ignore. 

I HAVE (as you might expect) SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS WHOLE LITTLE MONOLOGUE 

FJORD SUMMING UP SO MUCH OF HIS ARC AND HOW HE’S STILL NOW TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF AND WHO HE REALLY IS AND HOW HE KEEPS CHANGING AND GROWING

but clearly that lack of stability, as much as it thrills him, it also makes him anxious, not knowing who he will be next and what he will believe and what he will want

AN ALLUSION TO HIS DEATH THAT WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT BUT CLEARLY —CLEARLY— IS STILL IN HIS MIND AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO ADRESS ASAP PLS 

And then, right there after the nod to his death, Jester comes back into the statement. Fjord describes the changes and turmoil in his life like all of that is already too much to also focus on love… and then says but she’s still there, in my mind, by my side, all the time. In that mess of these pasts few months, Jester is his lighthouse

Beau: Yeah, no. I- I know! I’m pretty certain literally everyone has a crush on her. 

Fjord *panics like that Joey meme*: WHAT?

Beau: Like, at least all of Mighty Nein. I don’t know, though, but I’m pretty sure everyone she meets is like ‘well, I’d maybe kill for you, yeah’

Fjord: No, yeah, I totally agree with. 

ME TOO BJREAUS. ME TOO. 

Fjord: No, I- where is she?

I’M SO SAD THAT FJORD MISSED HIS PERCEPTION FOR HER BECAUSE I WONDER WHY TRAVIS WANTED TO KNOW SO BADLY 

I HAVE THE FEELING THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE OTHER THAN BEING CAREFUL SHE WOULDN’T HEAR HIM

Fjord: I... 

LOVE HER? WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY FJORD WHAT

THIS PAUSE IS SO LONG IT’S AGING ME

Fjord: You know when someone makes you feel a way that you don’t think you have any right to feel? Or you never thought that you might?

I AM SCREAMING  

FJORD

BABY 

WHY DON’T YOU THINK YOU’RE EVEN ALLOWED TO LOVE HER

WHY NOT??

YOU DESERVE LOVE AND TO BE LOVED AND YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN LOVE HER LIKE PLS TRAVIS WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME ALL THIS PINING MY ROMANTIC ASS CAN’T HANDLE THIS

BUT ALSO LOOK AT THAT SMILE

HE’S SO IN AWE WITH HIS OWN FEELINGS AND HAPPINESS

Fjord: And that feels... off... because I should know how I feel or what I want! 

*low wisdom frustration intensifies*

Fjord: But... there’s a gravity around Jester, at least to me, and she’s the one I’ve known longest in this new part of my... life. And I really thought that when this started there would be an end for me in this, and I would get even or retribution or payback and then I’d be... done. And it hasn’t been that way at all! It shriveled up and died and in its place seven new interests sprouted and... 

[i can’t type the whole Academy thing, im too tired and this is so long already but what a great throwback]

Listen listen listen tho

i wanna talk about this

i wanna talk about fjord noticing jester’s crush and not acting on this because he was convinced the m9 were temporary

i want to talk about a part of him always feeling like this will eventually end and be ripped away from him and how then it kept going and going 

and this woman he met was just such a steady and supportive presence in his life through it all that finally, finally after months, he can’t deny that she’s part of his life for good??

but that also explains what he said before and how he’s afraid that he’ll change again and lose this

like, there’s SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE GUYS SO MUCH ABOUT THEIR EARLY HISTORY AND WHERE THEY STAND NOW

Fjord: I... I... I want Jester to be happy. 

Fjord: I do feel v-v-very strongly for her. 

FJORD LOOK SO FRUSTRATED WITH HIMSELF AS HE —WHO IS KNOWN FOR HIS SILVER TONGUE— STRUGGLES TO PUT INTO WORDS HIS FEELINGS AND KEEPS FREAKING STUTTERING SO MUCH IM SO

Fjord: But I also know, when this began, her affections might have been based entirely on whimsy... I don’t know!

I AM LIVING FOR THIS ANGST

FIRST OF ALL: SECOND CONFIRMATION THAT FJORD NOTICED ALL THE FLIRTING

SECOND OF ALL: HIS INSECURITIES COMING FORTH AND TELLING HIM MAYBE SHE NEVER LIKED HIM ANYWAY

THIRD AND FOREMOST: I FREAKING LOVE THIS TROPE OF PINING SWITCHAROO AND THE WAY THIS REFLECT JESTER’S DOUBTS DURING THE PIRATE ARC ABOUT MAYBE FJORD NOT BEING WHO SHE FIRST MET AND THE WAY THEY KEEP SECOND GUESSING THEIR OWN JUDGMENT OF EACH OTHER EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW EACH OTHER THE BEST

AND LISTEN LISTEN IM JUST

this is the perfect parallel to her talk with caleb in darktow ok

and im fucking living for this angst and this doubts and to see fjord yearn for her the way she did for so long 

WHAT A DELICIOUS DYNAMIC 

Fjord: And I don’t really feel like asking, either. I almost don’t wanna... know.

THAT HESITATION DESTROYS ME SO MUCH

FJORD IS SO SCARED TO RUIN THINGS, TO LOSE HER, TO HAVE CONFIRMATION THAT HIS FEELINGS AREN’T RECIPROCATED

but here’s the thing. He’s ok with that. He doesn’t expect her to love him back, doesn’t need her to feel the same way. Fjord is just happy loving her and being her friend and being here to support her and make her happy. That’s enough. 

How selfless is that? How absolutely romantic and painful and heartfelt? 

I love this so much. This love isn’t possessive nor demanding. All he wants, all he really asks for, is the chance to make sure she’s happy and safe. 

He requires nothing in return. Being around her light and showering in her warmth are enough. She’s already given him so much support, he can’t ask more... certainly not love in the way he would want, in the way he would hope, because life has never told him he’s worthy of such thing —not a monster like him— so why would she? 

Fjord: I just like it and, to me, as long as she’s alright...

hOW MANY TIMES BY NOW HAS FJORD SAID IN DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS “as long as she’s alright” “as long as she’s happy” “as long as she’s not getting hurt” “as long as she trusts him” HE KEEPS REPEATING IT LIKE IT’S THE ONE THING THAT TRULY MATTERS TO HIM IN THE WORLD IM-

Fjord: It seems like this is not a permanent... thing. It’s not like we’re gonna leave her in this island and we’re gonna just go off which I was worried about before, but it sounds like it’s all... for show and it might be the Nein again after all this.

HEAR ME OUT

FJORD WAS WORRIED ABOUT JESTER LEAVING

ABOUT JESTER STAYING HERE

ABOUT JESTER TAKING OFF WITH THE TRAVELER AND NOT LOOKING BACK

and we know that was a possibility right?

BUT I THINK BACK TO THE VERY FIRST TIME SHE MENTIONED THIS (iirc it was after the giants fight way back during their second xhorhasian mission) HE SEEMED CONCERNED ABOUT JESTER GOING FOR GOOD. THERE WAS A HESITATION THERE

But really I wanna know how long... how long has Fjord been worried about her leaving, about loosing her... how much of what’s been going on has been him —without saying it— concerned that she’s about to leave the group, how many of their interactions and conversations (”i’m glad you’re here”, “we are happy to have you”, all the talks about disappearing and leaving the sad parts of the world behind) had him secretly concerned that she would soon leave??

AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON WHAT HAPPENED IN THE LATER HALF OF THE EPISODE

Fjord: and then, I don’t know what. I wanna explore the world! I want to see the lands we haven’t seen! I want to find the things that people are scared of and solve them or do what everyone else needs to do...

Fjord: but....... I- I hope- I hope she’s a part of that

I’M SCREAMING PLS BOY HE’S SO IN LOVE AND ALL BUT CONFESSING IT HELP ME PLS

the way he deflates and gets very quiet and earnest as he admits this????

im sobbing

[im not gonna get on Beauyasha territory because as much as that made me want to scream too this is soooo long already that i feel like that deserves a meta on its own]

i do wanna point out that fjord definitely seemed kinda jealous when Beau started describing her former crush on Jester

Like, he’s so excited to talk about her and Yasha but when Beau brings past feelings into this you can feel a note of panic and defensiveness as he says 

Beau: so I definitely had a crush on Jester, just since we’re drunk and we can be...

Fjord: when you said it before, it was like a thing... you had a real crush on Jester?

Beau: well, she’s so enigmatic, like you said and she just like... she’s got this way... just when she talks...

Fjord: 

Fjord: I’m talking about Yasha! You can go back to Yasha! It’s- uhm-

HE’S SO ANNOYED IM LAUGHING SO HARD

also fun thing

it’s similar to when he’s reacted to the traveler before and jester calling artagan handsome lmfao

im just saying 

and I like that he’s being supportive and he listens and all, even when Beau brings Jester back up... but then he confirms that Beau’s feelings for Yasha are deeper than for Jester and he definitely seems happy with that answer, both for Beau’s happiness (you know Fjord is so excited about these two since forever but especially the way he asks when he turns the tables on Beau he’s so excited for her!) but also because maybe it means one less chance that his own feelings won’t be reciprocated? like an... “alright, so we are good? with this? this is not going to hurt your feelings if i.. if i do love her?” and i think that’s very sweet? like regardless he’s gauging the depth of Beau’s feelings in this regard and I think if she confessed something deeper he would, heartbrokenly, step back and let her have a chance... especially since he’s happy just loving Jester from afar

ANYWAY

I WILL KEEP YELLING ABOUT THIS CONVO IN MY CORNER

AND OTHER MOMENTS THAT I WILL PROBABLY BREAK DOWN LATER

BUT THAT’S ALL FOR NOW

OKAY THAT’S A LOT OF YELLING

bye