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pixelchills · 5 months

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Chill's ramblings about the DCA fandom and personal feelings and issues towards TSAMS (both positive an negative):

(I'm writing this like an essay but treating it like a diary, so if I jump from subject to another, it is because I am just typing as the thoughts hit my head. Sorry for being so wordy.)

I simply feel like I need to write my thoughts down, so why not share them with you. Maybe you can validate my feelings or something, I don't know.

Intro:

So, oof, I got a fic rec from @thedenofravenpuff and I'm loving it so much I really wanna draw fan art for it...

But the problem is that it's a TSAMS fanfic and I've sworn to my name I'll never draw anything related to the show because that will make me engage with a part of the fandom I'm not comfortable with.

My biggest issue with TSAMS:

I have such complicated feelings towards the show and its fanbase and I do not wish to make my life and work more difficult because of it as it already is.

My own work and characters are already constantly being compared to TSAMS. When I first introduced Solar to my fic, he was constantly being referred to Eclipse from TSAMS. Now that the show had a character with THE SAME NAME, it has been even worse.

Dolldrop Moon has been compared to Lunar. Even though the dolldrops existed before the youtube channel was even created (and Lunar made his debut much later).

The biggest issue I've had has always been the fanbase, that takes the show as the canon for Sun and Moon from FNAF and uses it as an excuse to harass shippers like me because they think Sun and Moon are brothers.

I've first handedly seen the damage the fanbase has done to some of my friends who draw, or have previously drawn art for the show besides their own AUs and personal headcanons of Sun and Moon as lovers. I'm sorry to tag you, but @kriimhild and @fablekitty : I've seen how the immature side of the show's fans have treated you, I am so terribly sorry you've had to defend yourselves over and over again for things that were not meant to be mixed up.

I have posted some ideas of a possible Animutant Moon and Sun forming a polyamorous relationship with Solar in the future of "My Dear Daffodil" on my personal/adult Twitter account. Someone kept commenting on my posts that I was glorifying incest, because Sun and Moon were brothers and Solar was their cousin.

The post had "Animutant" in it. Not "TSAMS". These comments came from a person saying they were 19 in their profile. So it's not just kids who can't tell not every fanwork is about TSAMS. It's starting to be some adults too.

Vice versa I've had another person comment on my very clearly SFW Twitter how they're following me because I am an adult artist who draws TSAMS incest. I have never drawn TSAMS art. I ship Sun and Moon, but they're never related with family bond, because I love presenting them as lovers.

Why I ship Sun and Moon:

Because I am a hopeless romantic. I love romantic love. Every single story I write is always about love.

The only exception to this is the Poppy Playtime comic I am doing. But even then, I was originally planning for a romantic love between Dogday and the Player. Yet, I decided to leave it, and keep the relationship open for any type of representation the reader themselves will prefer.

I used to watch The Sun and Moon Show when it first started airing. I loved their playthroughs. I had a big distaste for them calling each other brothers, as well as some of the first "lore" videos they had. My biggest issue at the time was how Moon treated Sun, though. As someone who grew up with an abusive sibling, it sometimes just hit a bit too hard at home.

But it got better after Eclipse and Lunar appeared. Moon was more caring, and I started to really like his character development. There was one episode where Sun explained to Lunar that he and Moon had simply just "decided" to be brothers, despite not having a canonical relationship.

This actually made me really happy. Because the Old Moon was aroace, the love he felt was simply never meant to be romantic, but platonic. And by making Sun his brother by choice clearly indicated that Sun was always the one he loved the most - in a way that was suitable for aromantic person like him.

And it really made me enjoy the show for a while. Sun is my favourite character, and despite not always liking the way the show presents him, I always feel so much love for him, no matter the AU he is in. So I loved that Moon loved him more than anything, even if it was just platonic. Because I've always been under the impression that the canon Moon loves Sun, and is only under a virus to protect him. For me, the best part of any Sun and Moon AU is to know that Sun is the most important thing to Moon.

Why I stopped watching TSAMS:

And then that Moon I had really started to like, who loved Sun more than anyone else but just platonically, died.

It hurt so much I simply stopped watching the show. I've watched a few episodes here and there after that, but I am having a hard time liking the show the same as I did before.

Partially it's because of the fanbase. Partially it's because I don't find the lore very interesting and some of the stuff a bit repetitive. Partially it's because I am scared to see Sun eventually crumble up into madness, because he has been through so much.

I like the New Moon. He is funny and nice, what I've seen. His relationship with Solar has been interesting, and I genuinely hoped they would've been able to take the romantic route after Moon said he wasn't sure if he was aroace anymore. But as I said, I've only watched a few episodes after the old Moon died, so I don't know either of their characters that much to form any strong opinions about them. I just listen to the Monty and Puppet podcast once in a while and get a little inside to some of the lore that has been happening.

But hey, at least there's fanfics. Which is why I am rambling here today.

Fanfics:

It is a rare treat to find Sun x Moon fanfics that aren't simply just porn, or do not include reader inserts. So since my romance-filled brain needed something to fill the void, I've started reading some TSAMS fics with romance (that wasn't between Sun & Moon) and plot in them.

I know Solar was settled to be a "cousin" to the weird family tree of TSAMS. But I simply crave for Solar and New Moon to be at least queerplatonic. Solar is not from their dimension, no matter how much they decide they're 'cousins' it doesn't make him their real cousin or relative because they're not from the same world.

Sun and Moon are brothers but they technically gave birth to Eclipse, who then created Lunar so Eclipse is technically Lunar's parent and then brother and Lunar is Sun and Moon's brother and... do you see what I'm trying to say?

The family tree is so complicated that I don't think I'm a horrible person for shipping Moon and Solar and reading fics about them. Tell me if I am wrong though.

The FIC that is making me question everything:

So Puffy recommended this fic by @theinfamousdoctorf , "Eclipse Meets His Match".

I'm currently on chapter 40, and I am genuinely surprised how much I am liking this fic so far. It got everything; redemption and character growth, the representation of Sun as the good, glowing angel he is in my mind (for canon, and every AU. He is always perfect in my eyes I love him can you tell lol), slow-burn romance, drama, excitment, plot, jokes and funny moments... even if there are a lot of mentions of sex and sexual pleasure, it doesn't feel out of the place as there is so much more to it too.

Eclipse's redemption to become better and realising he is in love with Sun has been so interesting to follow. Sun deserves the love. I love when Sun is getting loved. I literally ship him with every other animatronic in the games and love it when people ship him with their self-inserts and OCs. Because I love him so much I want him to be loved in every possible universe he is in.

Even bigger bonus to this fic is the second pairing, Solar and Moon, which I already opened up about above. I don't know how much the fic is truthful to the canon lore of the show, but I wish to pretend this fic is the canon now /hj.

I love the characters and how they're written. I love the descriptions of their flaws and hopes and dreams. How vulnerable they can get. How closely they stick together. And as an appreciation for making me tearful and excited about fanfiction in such a long time, I would hope to be able to gift the author some fan art for their fic.

But I've sworn to not draw anything for the show. For my own good. I've got too many awful comments already from the fans of the show despite never doing any art for it. I am just scared it will turn things worse.

End words:

I don't know if creating a new alias would be the right choice. So my main name/account would be spared from the confusion that the show's fans seem to stirr into, where one tsams artwork turns all of the artist' work into tsams.

I don't care if the art style would be recognisible. The artist would be me, but not PixelChills. Just so I could gift something to the author of this fic that is currently saving me from the boredom of being unable to write my own.

Thank you.

(This text has been typed on my phone, so pardon for any typos).

-Chill

#pixel talks #rambles #tsams #fic rec #essay #sorry my head is simply just confused

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rosenotactuallyquartz · 16 days

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“you, you’re supposed to change”

(pearlrose, healing, & body positivity)

the angst in pearlrose is deep & meaningful, but the purely comforting parts have impacted me, too. as i wrote this, i realized how much my perception has been shaped by my own experiences. i relate to all of this in some way, and that’s what comfort characters do, really.

unsafe versus safe environment symbolism

(sensitive subject matter, abuse mentions)

pink diamond hates being a diamond. she’s forcing herself to be someone she isn’t, which is exhausting and uncomfortable. she’s smaller than the other diamonds & they literally look down on her. of course, she’s beautiful, but pink is forcing herself to fit into the expectations of what a diamond should be, even though it causes her pain. she doesn’t smile easily; she feels powerless & weak. as pink, she’s unhealthy, being in constant fight-or-flight & facing unimaginable punishments such as being kept away from light, isolated. deprived of anything that might help her live or bring her comfort. she’s repressed & her her “home” at the time is horrific.

initially she shifts to a quartz so she can fit into another group for a day. a lot changes from there.

rose is finally in a safe environment for the first time in her life. as time goes on, she realizes that rose is her true self. an important part of the rebellion is that she wants gems to understand that their life is their own and they don’t need to fit into homeworld’s society. they can be whoever they want to be, they’re perfect the way they are even if they don’t look or act as they’re expected to based on their gems. she doesn’t exactly fit in anywhere, she looks how she wants, she becomes aware of some unique powers, & she’s comfortable being just rose. once she’s able to escape from her abusers and never needs to return to that environment again, she permanently reforms as rose.

she’s shorter than she was as pink diamond, but it doesn’t scare her. in fact, she doesn’t feel smaller; she feels bigger, literally & figuratively. she was only small on homeworld because she was abused, made & forced to feel small & weak. now, she’s stronger, aware of her powers, & no one looks down on her—they often look up to her. this can be challenging: she struggles to trust herself & to be vulnerable (see eye-to-eye) with others. healing takes time & isn’t always perfect; leaving an unsafe environment brings trauma & it’s okay to need support and have ongoing issues. her body is also very different: her true self is naturally chubby. as time goes on and she adjusts to her new environment, experiences life on earth, & is more relaxed than ever, she wears what she wants, embraces her femininity & sensuality, and her belly is no longer flat. she lives with someone who gives her consistent protective care & intense romantic love—such a contrast to life on homeworld. being abused can exacerbate guilt & make one feel undeserving of something so new and different: genuine love. she’s loved anyway because she is, in fact, deserving of it even if she doesn’t think she is. pearl doesn’t stop when she needs to remind her that she’s important (“yes, you are”) every now & then. garnet, ruby, sapphire, & ame are safe people she has a unique bond with & loves living with. she feels more comfortable with her form than ever before.

i love the symbolism, especially in a society that often views putting on weight as solely negative, an indication that one is unhealthy & unhappy. rose is a reminder that it can be a sign of healing, and she’s far healthier, stronger, more comfortable as rose than she ever was as pink.

image description: the far left depicts rose quartz in her quartz outfit, a crop top & pants with her arms in the air and a smile on her face, the background being the kindergarten. the middle is of rose with the crystal gems, dressed as witches for halloween. the far right is of rose in her white dress in story for steven, looking at a cd, the background being the blue sky.

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“you weren’t built for fighting”

pearl’s body is different from the gems who are supposedly “built for fighting.” according to homeworld, pearls are made to to “stand there and look pretty.” they’re made to feel weak.

sword fighting is a passion of hers and she’s incredibly skilled. rose gives her a decision to stay & fight with her or opt out, and pearl argues that she wants to fight. from there, she never tries to change her body. she protects rose, and aside from the excessive self sacrificing issues i’ve brought up in the past, she has a very important line in do it for her. just think about the life you’ll have together after the war!

yes, she was putting rose’s life over her own. at the same time, she didn’t expect to die. she had hope in her goal to save both of them, and she was never intimidated by the fact that the gems she was fighting against were bigger than her, with body types that were supposedly “more capable” of doing something that she was passionate about. she proves them wrong, as she has a memory in which she protects someone who’s much bigger than her by fighting against a gem who’s also much bigger than her.

when she sings strong in the real way, it’s clear that pearl is not completely comfortable in her own skin yet, and much like what i said about rose, that’s okay. healing takes time, isn’t linear, and the way that the homeworld gems underestimated pearl for being a pearl understandably has an impact on her. still, as she slowly builds confidence, she teaches steven that there are other ways of being strong.

pearl focuses on what her body can already do & she uses all of her traits to her advantage instead of trying to change them. ballet comes naturally to her, so she has a pattern of fighting that involves ballet & quick, graceful movements that her opponent struggles to keep up with.

she also uses traits that are less about her physical abilities & more about who she is, such as her intelligence & attention to detail. she often outsmarts her opponent & can confidently say "you can’t beat me" because her main motivation as she learned to fight was to protect rose. her love for rose is so deep that she believes it's stronger than anything or anyone. it’s amazing how pearl uses her love & ballet movements—things that would be considered weak on the battlefield—to become a powerful, terrifying, & intimidating sword fighter.

people sometimes mock her nose, a feature all pearls have, & while it annoys her, she never tries to change it. it’s who she is, & she’s proud to be a pearl (that’s right! i am a pearl!)

pearl wears whatever she wants and doesn’t try to look intimidating or like a rebel—it doesn’t need a look, and she doesn’t need to fit stereotypes; it's just who she is. she loves legwarmers & skirts. occasionally & on other platforms i’ve seen fans make fun of her thin arms & legs. they miss a comforting message: she doesn’t cover anything. now, the thing i wrote about rose in the last section? i closely relate to it, and i always knew i did. i’m now realizing i relate to pearl in a way, too, even if it’s to a lesser extent. when i was a little girl i was smaller than my classmates & i’d be encouraged to hide my arms with long sleeves. i really wish i knew this character back then. she’s so pretty, so bold with a lovely sassy side, and she doesn’t change a thing. she doesn’t need to.

image description: pearl in the episode we need to talk, in a studio where greg makes his music video. one leg up and the other en pointe (standing at the tips of her toes). she has a smug smile on her face and her eyes are closed.

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a good partner

i love that my favorite ship is not only sapphic representation, but they both have underrepresented body types. they’re both flawed & traumatized and their relationship is complicated, but nevertheless they are entirely & deeply in love with each other.

“pearl is falling in love. pink, as rose, is intoxicating. she’s free somehow. they both are, when they are on earth.” — rebecca sugar, end of an era, page 77

i’ve written about this a lot, but pearl falls in love with her true self, the person she is when she’s happy & safe. she doesn’t have anything against how rose used to look, she just knows that person isn’t who she truly is. pink was unhappy, uncomfortable, repressed. the environment was unsafe for both of them & everything was so forced. pearl sympathizes with pink (i.e., crying when she fakes the shattering, telling steven & sapphire about how she really did everything she could as pink, just all around feeling sad for what she went through) but she adores her form as rose; seeing rose fills her with joy & warmth. rose isn’t fitting into any society & she’s no longer a diamond; she’s a rebel who’s still figuring everything out. she’s imperfect, she’s not forcing herself to fit into any homeworld expectations, & pearl’s met her true self & she falls in love.

a good partner will understand who you were in the past & they’ll care for & sympathize with that person, but they’ll be in love with the most genuine version of who you are. pink was a higher status gem as part of the great diamond authority, but that wasn’t her true self. that's why pearl loves just rose. pearl is also a reminder that a good partner won’t love you any less if you gain weight. if someone gains weight because they’re healing, happier, & aren’t forcing their body to look a certain way that doesn’t reflect who they truly are, a good partner will not only accept the weight gain but they will love it. while it may be tricky to grasp this symbolism because they’re gems, the point is this: rose being comfortable in her own form and true to herself is not just lovable but deeply attractive to pearl. the form that was the most beautiful, in pearl’s eyes, was the one that rose had when she was the happiest.

society can be a bit painful at times. sometimes, people feel like they can only be liked & loved if they’re thin and distinguished in some way, even if it’s inauthentic & they aren’t happy. but pearl fell in love with rose when she was no longer thin & no longer a diamond—and still figuring things out as a crystal gem leader, too.

they not only accept but adore each other just as they are. sketches & the fusion dance show pearl embracing their sensual relationship, teasing rose, & showing off their connection on camera. pearl does this confidently, by being herself.

they defy stereotypes beautifully. rose, who is larger, contrasts with pearl who is shorter & thin, but rose appears more shy in their flirtatious moments. she’s also more feminine and pearl tends to be more bold & she’s incredibly protective of rose. they remind us that you don’t need to be short & thin to be feminine & gentle, nor tall & big to be protective and bold. their genuine, beautiful, & sometimes, sensual chemistry goes against stereotypes and as i said before, they have underrepresented body types. a lot of characters in the past consist of the more masculine character being taller and bigger (but muscular, not fat) while the more feminine character is shorter and slender, yet has large breasts and some curves. really… how frustrating is that? pearl + rose are sapphic representation and they defy multiple stereotypes, not fitting into that very oddly specific box, and in my opinion they look incredible together.

lastly, remember the symbolism in rose’s section, where i talked about how abusers looked down on her & people on earth looked up to her?

in now we’re only falling apart, pearl literally lifts her up. encouraging, supporting, uplifting her.

this is rose’s first experience with love & pearl goes on to confess her feelings. they nearly fuse; something that’s done only between the same (“equal”) gems on homeworld. rose isn’t familiar with being loved & genuinely cared for. she’s scared, but pearl uplifts her before they connect. it’s representative of how intense her love is; how she’s the first to show her affection, the first to express love for her, and she’s encouraging and supportive, showing her love until her death.

image description: sketches by rebecca sugar. the left image depicts white diamond talking to pink with a mocking smile, pink looking very afraid. the right image depicts rose kissing pearl’s forehead. they both look comfortable & they’re smiling.

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healing your younger self

i wrote this when i was describing why rose is a comfort character for me:

“i loved princesses & fairytales as a child & [rose] gives me nostalgia with her healing powers & other princess traits. my four-year-old self watched princesses who did everything right, did no wrong, were loved by everyone. straight with one specific body type. i couldn’t quite relate to them, & of course i wanted to be a princess. but rose! she’s sapphic & chubby & she fights with her knight who uses she/her pronouns & she makes mistakes & has mental health issues & is disliked by some. i can’t even begin to explain how refreshing that is. she’s unique, realistic, relatable, different from the stereotypes, complicated, & just as beautiful (if not, more) as any princess that i loved growing up. her story with pearl has so many fairytale features & yet it’s so complex.”

pearl + rose's story has many fairytale elements, yet they embody qualities i felt i couldn’t have as a kid to be like the princesses i admired. princesses symbolized beauty to me, so i thought i had to fit into a very specific mold to be beautiful. pearl + rose, with their imperfections, underrepresented body types, sapphic love, trauma, etc. remind me of the fairytales I loved as a kid but are even more beautiful & interesting in my opinion. it’s really lovely & incredibly healing.

i wish i could go see four-year-old me and say that it’s okay to be yourself, you don’t need to change anything to be a princess!

image description: official artwork by elle michalka. pearl stands in front of rose with her sword as they meet garnet. the background is pink, like a sunset, with bushes of flowers.

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gems being gems can help with self esteem

for gems, everything moves quickly on earth. human beauty standards & ideals shift quickly and gems couldn’t possibly keep up with them. not that they would want to. instead, they focus on all the wonderful things about earth.

rose loves growth because it’s a symbol of how people are constantly changing and inventing who they are based on their experiences. it’s comforting to remember our favourite characters whenever we’re made to feel bad about our differences because of messed up beauty standards. for example, some parts of society act like putting on fat or getting stretch marks is always a negative thing, or it’s unattractive. rose wouldn’t feel that way. in fact, i wouldn’t be surprised if she loved getting her own stretch marks, i.e., when she was pregnant with steven. i’m in no doubt that pearl would love them on rose too, & she’s bright enough to understand exactly why they develop. “rose, i love it so… oh, you don’t know what it means? it means you’re growing. yes, you are! you must be happy after that long speech about how beautiful you think it is that humans are never the same and everything should grow. yes, i remembered. how could i not. you talk about it every. single. day.”

gems have a variety of body types. steven shapeshifted to be taller on his birthday, which hurt him. this symbolizes that everyone has different versions of what’s healthy. forcing yourself to look a certain way, even if it’s deemed “healthy” or “attractive,” can be unhealthy if it doesn’t suit your natural body type or involves a harmful process.

as magazines and celebrities became popular in beach city and thinness was the desired beauty standard, maybe once or twice, some absolute loser called rose fat, in a rude way. rose, being unaware of beauty standards, would have likely stared blankly and replied, "yes, i know i’m fat, are you okay? are you angry? but why? i’m confused, do you hate my pink hair, too?” later that day she’ll visit the bakery & feel guilty when she eats lots of blueberry pie… but only because she doesn’t want pearl to think she likes the pie from the bakery more than the homemade pie pearl makes for her. you deserve something from a good bakery too, and to be completely unfazed by any hypothetical jerk who dares to say anything cruel about your body.

you’re wonderful. yes, you.

image description: two sketches by rebecca sugar. on the left, pink is in gym clothes: a pink hoodie glancing over her shoulder with an unhappy, angry look. on the left, rose is wearing a crop top, a hoodie, & leggings, all grey. she has a peaceful, almost curious look & she seems to be pulling her hair back.

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#pearlrose #steven universe #crystal gems #pink diamond #pearl x rose #pearl #rose quartz #su #rosepearl #su pearl #love like you #rebecca sugar #meta su #steven universe analysis #body posititivity

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bloodraynebeast · 6 months

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We’re back to talk about Yashiki / Mashita as a pairing once again. Quick note, I’ve heard the less than positive feedback on the translation from players who played the Japanese version and I’ve tried searching for any translations that can help add to the context. Unfortunately the only context we’re using in this analysis is the official English version and fan translation for one of the DLCs. Thank you all so much for the interest and support on the first part! I knew I wanted to make another as it serves to archive their moments as well as analyse each scene. I’ll be going chronologically through the chapters so it's easier to follow. This is a long one! As always MAJOR SPOILERS for Death Mark 2 (And DM1) below.

All Links: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 <-

Updated AO3 Version <-

Starting out with a small tangent, the theme of Death Mark 2 or Shibito Magire (死噛) with The Departed brings up a subject that seems to be a pattern within this series, no matter the universe.

Something that reoccurs in the games and extra content is Yashiki’s negative experiences with women and being forced into some form of marriage. I’m wondering if it's an address on the pressures Yashiki must have felt as Masamune or still feels being the heir and sole survivor of the Kujou bloodline. You notice in Death Mark that Yashiki wasn’t particularly on the best terms with women, namely Christie and Hiroo, but they both did warm up to him and seemed good friends during Death Mark 2.

In the Red Riding Hood DLC, Hiroo is a target and becomes possessed in an attempt to seduce Yashiki, where the bad choices are a result of not trying to pull her out of it. Death Mark 2 has The Departed declaring Yashiki as their future husband, displaying intense possessiveness and jealousy over his close relationships with the Mark Bearers, while also repeating that they will exchange vows and be bound.

In Chapter 3 with Kashima, Yashiki has to pretend to be the beloved teacher of a besotted student - again - and reciprocate their feelings with the flower sketches in order to save them. The two girls Douryou and Kinukawa, cursed and possessed by The Departed make him increasingly uncomfortable with their advances and forcefulness in the game, also trying to entice him. Yashiki has to constantly reassure everyone around him that there is nothing going on and harbours no feelings other than that of a teacher and an adult watching out for the safety of the young students. Because of that, the teacher and head of Academic affairs, Sakamoto, is begrudged to help him in the investigations and holds hostility towards him. Enough to withhold information that would help the case and save the student body. Yashiki also has to inhabit the role of the groom in the final fight against The Departed and apply the ink to complete the ceremony.

Even in the “Blue End” CD Drama, Yashiki becomes possessed by the entity known as the “Master Of The Mark”, who aims to make Mary and later Rose when she tries to intervene, as their consorts, exclaiming that they must exchange vows.

All this in mind, it’s no surprise why many question Yashiki’s preferences (he’s also just a morally good man) and gravitate towards Yashiki and Mashita’s relationship. Their bond is natural and grounded, it’s not aggressively forced upon Yashiki or us as the player. He tends to have more chemistry with the male characters in general, to what feels to us as his closest relationships, specifically Mashita and Daimon. Now onto the game itself.

Death Mark 2 begins with Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 revolving around Hanako Of The Toilet and the relationship between her and her best friend Horikoshi when she was still alive. Although they are ultimately killed off, the introduction of Akai and Horikoshi’s romantic love feels like an important detail. Namely, a love that grew between two best friends. Where one was more confident, rough and unapologetically blunt, the other was more gentle, kind and reserved. That sounds familiar. It also introduces how with Izumi blackmailing Horikoshi, that it likely wouldn't have been accepted at the school due to the prestigiousness and more likely because of the time period. Still, with the first appearance of a queer couple in the series, could this potentially be a stepping stone towards exploring Yashiki and Mashita’s relationship in a similar direction? Foreshadowing of another love forming between two best friends? The chance of this happening definitely seems more possible now.

However, Yashiki still wondering about the nature of their feelings between the two girls despite uncovering their diary entries and sensing it while singing the song lyrics, gives an impression that he would be oblivious to any developed feelings from Mashita if it happened. Also if a relationship did happen, it would likely be kept a secret, at least for as long as possible.

In Chapter 3 Yashiki reunites with Shou, who asks where Mashita is since this investigation involves spirits, practically calling them inseparable. Unlike other Mark Bearers, Mashita receives his own introductory CG. While this could just be something for the fans as Mashita is the most popular character and he was not present in the scene, it’s something to see Shou describing them as a package deal right before Mashita is singled out in the character introductions with his own dramatic CG, looking wistful in the rain. You’d be forgiven for thinking Yashiki is daydreaming about this man, here. Though I’m wondering if this is meant to be Yashiki’s perspective from a memory. Then Yashiki informs us that they were on a phone call the night before, but surprisingly we don’t get to see nor hear that conversation, besides that Mashita is currently indisposed and unable to join the others just yet.

There’s also a tiny detail in the character file that you unlock as more characters join the investigations. The other Mark Bearers are described as becoming friends with the protagonist after he saved their life during the Mary incident, then you read Mashita’s to find he’s formed a “deep bond” with the protagonist due to the number of cases they’ve worked on together. In the previous game there were dropped hints of how their specific relationship stood out among the rest and it applies even more so in the sequel. Although, I’ve heard in the Japanese release they were referred to as “nakama=friends” in the file, which is curious how and why it was translated to “deep bond' in the English version.

Mashita makes his first appearance in Chapter 5, asked to aid Yashiki by Yasuoka like in Red Riding Hood and tries to treat it as just a job. Yashiki is surprised but relieved by his arrival, placing a lot of trust and confidence in his capabilities and methods that he’s quick to jump on his help. At this point Yashiki was isolating himself from the Mark Bearers over fear of losing them after what happened with Ai, Shou, Daimon and now potentially Hiroo, and while displaying the same worry, he knows he can’t afford to turn away Mashita. He does however plead with Mashita to not draw attention while investigating, where the detective responds with a mischievous grin and no promises. In their first interactions, Mashita is shown to be comfortable with teasing Yashiki, even proceeding to call him Mr.Yashiki or “Yashiki-sensei”, much to the man's displeasure. He is not enjoying his time as a temporary teacher.

This can be taken with a grain of salt due to translation, but certain dialogues and dialogue options showed some influence from the other. For example, Yashiki’s dialogue options can sometimes grow very blunt and curt. The one for Suzu in the hospital made me laugh due to hearing Mashita’s voice so clearly. Another is at the conclusion of Kokkuri where if you partner up with Mashita and head to Fox Forest to return the laccata, Mashita comments on Yashiki empathising with the spirits again, but then addresses the late teacher as well, stating he’ll report everything to the police, make sure the investigation reopens and to wait until then. A similar reassurance that Yashiki is known for, hoping to give closure. Whereas if you bring Hiroo, Yashiki takes the role and reassures the spirit instead. It feels as though the purpose of that dialogue was to show Yashiki has rubbed off on him somewhat through working together. Mashita also reminds him there won’t always be someone around to save him when he gets too wrapped up in a spirit’s suffering, heavily implying Mashita’s referring to saving Yashiki’s life in the finale of Red Riding Hood.

Once again, Mashita half surprises us all by sneaking another gun to Yashiki, no longer his own, but instead pulls something behind the scenes to get his hands on another just so he has protection. The man is risking a lot of potential jail time again and being very hypocritical for someone still straight-edge with the law, only to keep tossing it out the window to ensure Yashiki’s safety. Particularly when in the same chapter, he chastises Hiroo for trying to obtain the petri dish for research purposes and plans to confiscate it from her. This seems to be the most effective method he thinks to protect Yashiki, only it’s more reckless this second time as the safety has been removed! Just another display of Mashita’s unhinged actions when focused on Yashiki. Also while this could be a simple gag and more on the type of person Mashita is, literature studies I’ve written in the past have made it difficult for me to not see the topic of guns in their scenes as euphemisms and symbolism.

For example, Mashita is always the one to supply the gun - Someone who feels more comfortable or enlightened to their sexuality, a popular fanon theory in the fandom. Meanwhile Yashiki always takes the gun with hesitance, then returns it - Someone still discovering that part of themselves after having everything about them essentially wiped. Additionally in Death Mark, Yashiki doesn’t use the gun but instead entrusts Mashita with it, whereas he uses a gun alongside Mashita in Death Mark 2 on three occasions.

Further with the guns as symbolism is during the confrontation in The Departed’s Wedding. As the spirit focuses their attacks on Mashita, in order to survive the scene Yashiki must use the gun given by Mashita and shoot The Departed, framed in a way to show rejection as the spirit becomes upset and repeats the word “liar”. After wrapping up the story of Kokkuri, Mashita demands the gun back, although jokes that Yashiki can keep it if he so wishes. You’re given the option to be cheeky with him by attempting to keep it, but Mashita doesn’t allow it, saying you have seconds to hand it over.

In the opening of Chapter 6 while in the infirmary, you can access a voicemail left by Shou. He expresses frustration that Mashita was adamant in keeping him away for his own safety, unless the worst should happen to the two of them. However he believes he won’t have to get involved and views Yashiki and Mashita in such high regards that he practically calls them unstoppable as a team, something I’m sure Yashiki needed to hear. Shou’s comment brings up a point that really highlights itself in Death Mark 2.

Yashiki and Mashita cover each other’s flaws and weaknesses. Yashiki is not as objective and too trusting so there were signs he would miss, like the amount of coincidences surrounding Douryou and Kinukawa and how they misled him. He’s also not confrontational. Yashiki’s issue was that he was very tunnel visioned on the victim in each notice and the spirit tied to it, hardly given the time to investigate The Departed between everything that was happening. He is the compassionate and emotional half that focuses on uncovering the dead’s grudge, their regrets and desires in order to appease them, which in turn saves the lives of those affected, whereas Mashita is the more direct, tactical and logical half. Mashita from years in the profession is tenacious and prioritises getting information and results, allowing for less emotion to get in the way. Not just for a lack of spiritual power, but he would not be as attune to clearing a spirits resentment, nor possibly the patience. But he immediately noticed that Yashiki was being led around to get distracted, rather than focusing on the source and even figured out The Departed’s identity. This brings us back to what happened in Death Mark with the Mary reveal, but the stakes were higher as Yashiki was directly affected and on borrowed time.

The Departed case would have come to a close much sooner if Yashiki and Mashita had teamed up from the beginning, which is possibly why Mashita was absent for most of the story. While I don’t believe Yashiki lacks the skills and intelligence on his own, though he can sometimes be endearingly dense, he does get stuck in conflict with his head and his heart often. It makes me curious about all the various cases they’ve worked on together. In short, if it weren’t for Mashita arriving and voicing his suspicions of the two girls and directing Yashiki to investigate Kinukawa’s room to paint a clearer picture, Yashiki would still have been manipulated down the wrong path.

It seems Mashita’s role in Death Mark 2 is putting pieces together where Yashiki fell flat, steering him in the right direction and confirming what the player has already deduced. It takes Mashita’s appearance in the two chapters to get Yashiki to start suspecting the two students especially. Mashita's shown as protective over Yashiki and is a very reliable character at a crucial point in his state of mind, despite the latter’s perception that Douryou and Kinukawa are deemed trustworthy.

He states he could care less if Yashiki gets closer to the girls for the sake of gathering information, but tells him to watch his step from doing anything else, implicates Kinukawa as the culprit immediately after the man confesses to a very serious crime, then mildly threatens Douryou on her equally suspicious behaviour towards Yashiki. Volunteering himself instead of Yashiki to investigate inside the remains of a shrine on the verge of collapsing - with Yashiki immediately worrying when Mashita cries out when he merely smacked his hand. Mashita being the one to suggest the two separate while fleeing The Departed as he is the target, so Yashiki has a chance of escaping. He constantly reminds Yashiki to stay on track of his original goal, drags him back when he gets too deep in his thoughts, tells him to stop blaming himself for the incidents that were out of his control and even comforts him in his own way. At this stage, perceived as romantic or not, Mashita has made it very apparent that he is ride or die with Yashiki.

Also it’s not often we see Mashita address Yashiki by his full name -

In Chapter 7, Mashita is the partner that is taken to the wedding grounds of where the wedding ceremony took place and where The Departed’s resentment began. Seeing the unfortunate fate of Sakamoto in the Good Ending, Yashiki begins despairing, blaming himself for her death, to which Mashita steps in to shut down quickly. He then pauses to console him that he did save her at the end, as she regained a sense of self and shared one final clue for them.

Learning about the origin of The Departed’s grudge, the spirit suddenly appears. Yashiki desperately tries to get answers but Mashita snaps his attention back before he can get sucked in. This is where Mashita sees The Departed for the first time in their grotesque, final transformation with the appearance of a spider - which we’ve seen previously in Death Mark’s DLC. An infamous symbol of sex and fertility. And he wastes no time hurling insults at it for trying to appear attractive to Yashiki. While The Departed has displayed a pattern of abducting the Mark Bearers to feast upon, still giving Yashiki an opportunity to save them and announcing so, there is instead murderous intent with Mashita immediately and begins attacking. Potentially due to the spirit gradually becoming more unstable through its transformation as the game progresses and the location, but to suddenly become enraged at Mashita standing beside Yashiki while they’ve had less issue with characters like Ai or Hiroo standing too close, it’s interesting. A literal or symbolic sense. Standing next to each other as partners? As equals? As lovers? The Departed is thought to observe and learn Yashiki’s closest connections, so it’s left a guess how their relationship might have been interpreted.

When the two part with Mashita luring away The Departed, Yashiki assumes the worst and feels hopelessness and loss, lingering on Mashita while escaping Fox Forest. Returning to the infirmary, Yasuoka comforts him that Mashita always lived life to his own rules and recklessness and to not hold himself responsible. There’s even a moment where Yashiki steers himself and vows to do what he can to finish the case, for Mashita’s sake. It’s a touching, little moment.

I think it’s also worth pointing out that Yashiki’s presumably closest relationships at this moment are “removed” all the way up to the final confrontation. Even if previous Mark Bearers have survived or died, it doesn’t change the outcome of Daimon collapsing into a coma from a curse and Mashita being attacked and chased down by The Departed themselves. There’s no mercy for these particular men. After escaping The Departed, the first person Mashita thinks to contact is Yashiki because he knows he’s in a fragile state. The self-sacrificial man’s resolve has been tested throughout the entire game and he must not give in at the final hurdle.

In the Good Ending, breaking the news that he’s alive while passing a comment at Yashiki not sounding as relieved as he should be is laughable when Mashita didn’t even say a word and is currently using a public phone. He attempts to cheer him up, saying he should be proud of himself for saving The Departed, and assuring that no one thinks differently of him for what he must’ve had to do. Mashita may never approve of Yashiki’s methods but he understands the physical and mental toll it takes on him.

At the end of it all in the True Ending, Yashiki and Mashita are destined to go for drinks with Hiroo and Daimon, thanks to the latter giving an invitation, which is a fun disaster of a scene I’d very much like to see. Undoubtedly a lot more snark compared to the outing with Ai, Shou and Hiroo. Though I’m sure Mashita will not be pleased to hear Douryou and Kinukawa barged into the mansion and regained their memories, being not the best at dealing with “brats”.

In one of the games DLC “Mary’s Makeover / New Colour” only available in Japan, but fan-translated by Generic Weeb Content, Moe, Eita and Suzu aid Yashiki in searching the mansion for a number combination, where one of the rooms available is the investigation room. Yashiki comments that this is where the Mark Bearers usually meet for spiritual investigations, so a few of their belongings are scattered around. Only two of them are of note. One is the small shrine Moe brought for protection and the other is the large green coat belonging to Mashita hanging on a coat rack. That’s been there the entire game and now we know. According to Yashiki, Mashita had forgotten it one time and it’s remained ever since. He speculates he must keep multiple, similar coats.

This immediately raises questions and shows a lot without telling. One important implication being how frequently Mashita visits the mansion, which we get an idea of from a certain coffee making Voice Drama - and yet according to the game in those four months prior, Yashiki has never once set foot in Mashita’s office. I’m very sceptical that someone observant like Mashita can forget they’re not wearing an oversized coat weighing on their shoulders. Furthermore, it’s a very plausible theory that the coat belonged to Mashita’s late senior as it is oversized and hangs loosely on every art sprite. Then there’s the inclusion of it on a singular panel from the manga where Mashita talks about him. Given he still carries the old lighter, he is at least somewhat of a sentimental person, so it's entirely possible he would keep it also as a memento. In other words, something treasured that he wouldn’t misplace. And why is it still there? Yashiki must have contacted him about it, so perhaps Mashita shrugged it off and never bothered to collect it. If we want to dive deeper, it sounds vaguely like the behaviour of leaving more and more belongings behind one does with a partner until they’ve practically moved in, leaving his mark on the mansion so to speak. Or it’s because Mashita views the Kujou mansion as another place to call home. Either way, Mashita is very casual about it and Yashiki allows it.

The DLC ends on a final scene with Yashiki and Mashita on the phone discussing Mary and the Death Parade. Parallel to the first game’s DLC, Mashita parts with some advice, warning him to be cautious around Mary and to watch out for himself. Yashiki reassures and thanks him, to which Mashita responds in the way one expects. After the call however, Yashiki addresses that while Mary is obsessed with him, he feels obsessed with her in return. In both instances in the DLCs, Mashita expresses open concern for Yashiki’s wellbeing and has the last word, setting up to be the voice of reason to pull Yashiki back from the brink. Knowing him too well that he needs to make him realise how dangerously empathetic he is and will be if Mary awakens or pulls some strings. Not to diminish the other friendships Yashiki has, as they are also important, but the devs specifically show in moments like these how much of an important piece Mashita is in Yashiki’s life. The balance that he needs. This ominous ending could be hinting at a build up to where Mashita saves Yashiki similar to Red Riding Hood or Yashiki’s mental state deteriorating, that everyone bands together to pull him out of that darkness.

Overall, I think this game perfectly demonstrates why they would work well as a couple. Canonical wise, it’s clear the two men have grown closer between the events of the games and keep in regular contact. They continue to have chemistry, address each other more casually, openly joke with one another, have wacky moments like hissing at a rock and shooting guns in the forest whilst on a mushroom trip, and are even called inseparable and unbeatable as a duo. Which leads into a moment in the Kokkuri case, where Mashita mentions again that Yashiki would make a good detective. Whether a praise or a jab, it’s another nod at his business proposal as partners from the previous game. They’ve already crossed the line of being partners in these cases, and even more so in NG, so that might end up being inevitable. Especially from Death Mark 2’s ending where Yashiki discovers what his role will be from now on and his motivations behind pursuing further spiritual cases.

It bears repeating that this isn’t meant to take away from their friendship, but the subtle (or less than subtle) implications of something romantic are all there in a lot of ways in Death Mark 2 - despite the overarching theme of thrusting Yashiki into a teacher-student romance scenario. There’s even more of an influx of art and fanfictions of the two men from old and new fans introduced to the series, as a result. And with the addition of LGBT+ characters - minus the doomed, buried trope - it could be seen as something positive for where their relationship could go. It certainly opens up the possibility.

If a sequel is in the works or if they are testing interest with the latest DLC, it’ll be interesting to see where they take these two in the next installment. One thing is for certain, if there was ever a decision to plan a Yashiki and Mashita spin off series or something that centered on them as protagonists, it is guaranteed a large audience. Next part we’ll be looking at CD Voice Dramas currently available and fan translated by amazing people in the fandom, including “Blue End” and more. If I’ve missed anything from the game, please do feel free to add! Thank you so much for reading!

#死印 #死噛 #shiin #spirit hunter #death mark #spirit hunter: death mark #death mark 2 #death mark 2 spoilers #spoilers #death bite #shibito magire #kazuo yashiki #yashiki kazuo #satoru mashita #mashita satoru #yashita

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krewekreep · 4 months

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How He Would Really Be (or) Baby Daddy Red Flags

I might also name this Baby Daddy Red Flags 😂😭 I don’t know

Actually this is gonna be a lil fun text post series that’s slightly fan fic but moreso a Drabble that’s acknowledges our collective delusion. It comes from a tumblr experience I had I’ll elaborate on and link later:

First Off: Alucard (Hellsing / Hellsing Ultimate)

He’s an OG baby daddy tbh (I’m black I know I’m using og wrong, it’s been butchered beyond redemption. Oh well. 😭) he’s truly part of my “damn this type is not good for me in real life.” (LMAOAOAO)

I love yall but alucard (hellsing) is so overtly and dangerously yandare (one of my main men so im not judging) but I am amused by coding to him to be “mean to everyone but me” if he in character grew that true of a bond with you. 1. You’re never going outside or out of his site like actually 2. You could do whatever you want INSIDE but like don’t try to leave 😭 3. You’re literally never gonna be independent again like fuck him just eavesdropping all the time he’s gonna be lurching over you so bad your back is to his chest every other step 😭

I can absolutely see him getting “mad” at you when his affection INEVITABLY gets overwhelming. I could see Alucard wanting to dress you, bathe you, and while it can seem hot that’s pretty…👀 he also would absolutely put you in a situation you think he won’t save you from but does. Likewise any public outing requires hand holding the entire time. Don’t worry he’s strong enough to maneuver you as he needs but I get annoyed when men just use their strength randomly with me 😭 not negative but like okay big boy wtf 😂

He’d throw you to the wolves and have you likely in some real ass traumatizing fake dangerous scenarios to save you and make you that much more dependent on him. This is literally Vlad the Impaler (for those who watched Ultimate, plus that form is genuinely so fucking hot omfg.) he lowkey did this to Sera mind you 😭 he literally will let Anderson scare the fuck out of you cause they’ll both have the hidden agenda of mutual amusement (like their literally bros if they stopped being intolerant of each other LMAOAOA)

That is a man of overreaction, self indulgence, self righteousness, and performance…have fun. 😀

Again…you think he gonna let you have any freedom? Your choices will be faux independent my loves. You’re his and I imagine (me @ 12 Jesus I needed another baptism) you likely wanna be his 😭 but yeah girl all men are burdens he’ll just be a really parental, controlling one. Plus he old as hell and will likely wanna lecture your young mortal ways like ew shut up grandpa. Only way out is linking up with Sera and Integra. Sera will sneak you out and have safe fun with and Integra will be sure to demand Alucard leave you both alone. You’ll be supported and protected but def link up with the girlies to keep him in check.

(This actually literally amuses me so much and feels very sex in the city for no reason lmaoo) + who else is actually gonna be the worst to be with? (Gojo, all tea all shade)

#random Gojo mention #jjk gojo #alucard x reader #alucard hellsing #Hellsing #hellsing ultimate #hellsing Alucard #black fem reader #black fanfic writer #random thoughts #text post #for anyone just tagging for range #I am a black write tho 💕#black fanfic #x black reader #black reader #x reader

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ghxstlly · 6 months

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Feanger when things get rough

As we all well know, relationships are not always sunshine and rainbows. Couples won't always get along, and can go through periods of awkwardness or anger that can make a romantic courtship really rocky at times. Fear and Anger are not exempt from this.

In my opinion, fostering a ship can be a surprisingly rewarding creative endeavor when you delve into the more negative aspects of a pairing— things they argue and fight about and have to make up over. Don't get me wrong, their happiness and chemistry is the #1 thing that makes a ship so fun to play with. But thinking what makes it tick is an undervalued way to really flesh your ship out in the theatre of your mind.

That said, what do I think makes Feanger tick?

Ramblings under the cut

Anger is a person who has a lot of judgemental thoughts and opinions about others— that's just the way he is. It's one of the pillars of his character, and causes him to be blunt/short with others. It isn't that he's necessarily trying to be malicious or hurtful, it's moreso that what he thinks is right and what he thinks others ought to do or be is often at the forefront of his mind when interacting with his colleagues.

And while a lot of that stuff is not expressed, his temper can cause some of these opinions to burst out in a way that is usually tactless and/or hurtful.

Anger is also not a person who apologizes. Seldom does he feel he's in the wrong after doing or saying something, it's part of his bluntness and sometimes harsh ways of going about things.

Combine these two negative traits, and you can end up with arguments or fights where potentially hurtful things are said but not apologized for, because although Anger wouldn't normally say them out loud, oftentimes he still believes them to be true. Again, it isn't a matter of him being abusive or intentionally malicious, he's just overly opinionated/judgemental.

Fear is not necessarily a person who can easily handle that kind of scrutiny. Although words of that sort sting him about just as much as they'd sting anyone, no more no less, it's the self doubt and stress that manifests as a result that gets to him. Insults and jabs he can handle fine, in fact he's just as capable of saying things in the heat of the moment that have the potential to be hurtful, but afterwards, while they "cool down," anxious thoughts form that maybe Anger doesn't like him as much as he thought he did, and a wide gap forms between them where he and Anger seldom speak or interact.

It's an uncomfortable, mutual "shunning" that occurs, wherein Fear grapples with the anxiety that they may never be close again while Anger gradually becomes remorseful but is either too hesitant or too proud to act on it.

The longest I would imagine this going on for is a full week and a half, the shortest, maybe four days. During that time, starting out in a mutually upset state, they "cool down" over time and slowly come back together until some semblace of an apology occurs. While this is usually implicit, that is to say, the apology is made without ever actually saying the words, Fear will sometimes find something to explicitly apologize for, mostly for his own reassurance as arguments/fights with Anger tend to take a toll on his self-image and perception of his role in their relationship.

Now, I know all that sounds rough, but something I'd like to make sure is said is that while Anger almost always means the hurtful things he says during moments of high stress (even if the wording is a little skewed from the actual opinion), he is equally honest with his reassurances and praise (even if he sometimes has a difficult time expressing them), which is a fact Fear is aware of and trusts.

Ultimately the relationship between Fear and Anger stands on the pillars of mutual respect and trust. They are aware of one another's weakness and where their own strengths compliment the other's, which helps them understand one another and strengthen their bond.

And although they have moments where their big personalities clash in less-than-pretty explosions of nasty emotions, they always manage to get through it. :) 💜❤

#they speak #inside out #inside out fear #inside out anger #feanger #inside out feanger

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soulcatdoodles · 1 month

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Just wanted to say that I stumbled across your art today and I LOVE IFOR AND I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM PLEASE

( your art is absolutely amazing )

THANK YOUUUU I’m so happy that you’re interested in ifor 😭💖 Allow me to dump their lore here:

Once upon a time an ancient, nameless skykid made friends with a moth. That moth asked them, “what’s your name?” They pondered a moment, then replied, “I forgot”. The moth, somewhat dense, inquired in a confused voice: “Iforgot? What an odd name. I’ll just call you Ifor”.

Seasons passed. Long after said moth had grown up, sacrificed countless lifetimes, and eventually faded into nothingness, another moth lit that weary skykid’s candle and asked, “what’s your name?” That skykid answered after a brief moment: “You can call me Ifor.”

Ifor is a gratitude kid, and has been around for countless seasons. While most skykids of their age have long since faded into nothingness, they somehow never managed to. And so, they pass their time by seeking thrill wherever they can - anything to impede the boredom, be it dodging krills, purposefully getting krilled, exploring out of bounds, worshipping AURORA, or half-heartedly following along the seasons.

They own a vast collection of cosmetics, and often are seen passing their time by switching up their look. Most often though, they wear their signature tattered dark robe with black boots (halloween pants), and sometimes season of duet’s sleeveless grey pants. Their cape is that of a manta they hunted themselves, and it serves to attract krill’s attention. The krill horn they carry on their back is also used to summon krills. Quite often though, they carry a musical instrument (such as the e-guitar, violin, or piano) in its stead. They’ve had ample time to practice various instruments to perfection.

Due to the constant negative energy surrounding them, and the countless amount of times they’ve lost their light, darkness has started growing on their body. It recedes and progresses like the tide, but most often it can be found on their head and face. Everytime they get reborn, their darkness is cleansed, but their darkness can also wither and die when they experience positive emotions. Positive emotions always come from forming bonds with moths, but it’s only a matter of time before the moth fades and their darkness grows back stronger.

Morally they are ambivalent, their mood changing unpredictably. They will often help redirect krills from other skykids by taking it head on, but sometimes will also lead a krill over to target another skykid just for the sake of it.

Currently, ifor is quite happy as they’ve made some new friends. Only time will tell if these will stay, but ifor has a feeling that at least one of them might. Said skykid is my irl partner’s character, and I very much enjoy drawing ifor with some of the ice melting from their demeanor (soft blushing ifor is my new obsession)

I hope this satisfies your curiosity! Ifor is probably the oc with the most lore I’ve made so far, besides my last skykid oc from like 2020, but i feel much more personally connected to Ifor because I based them off of my own playstyle of the game.

I’ve been playing sky since its release in July 2019, and I’ve had phases where I’ve gotten so tired of it, but just couldn’t quit for real cause of all the time and money I’d spent on it and all the fond memories I’d made (plus the game is just so pretty). I wanted to imagine how those feelings would translate to the character I’m playing as - I imagine they’d be amplified by a lot, so me wanting to quit the game became my skykid wanting to quit life, essentially. Fun stuff, fun stuff. And I do love to be the krill bait when doing wasteland quests with other ppl, so that part is pretty accurate too. And I’m also absolutely in love with the aurora concert and her music in general.

The only inaccurate part may be the “practicing to perfection” - I definitely know my way around the in game instrument mechanics but I’m no where near as good as some of those sky musicians out there hahaha, I do enjoy playing it though.

If anyone read this far then wow, amazing, I love you, hand in marriage please?? Hope you enjoyed my ramblings, @ the like 2 ppl who got this far

First image by me

Second by mfxdraws https://www.instagram.com/mfxdraws/

Third by kxrmaou https://www.instagram.com/kxrmaou/

Fourth directly from sky

#sky children of the light #thatskygame #sky cotl fanart #skykid #original character #oc art #oc lore #sky lore #lore dump #procreate #soulcatdoodles #ifor oc

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crowbasils · 9 months

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BASIL (OMORI) — A STUDY & ANALYSIS ON HIS CHARACTER

(content warning — OMORI spoilers, mentions of death and hanging, mentions of suicidal behavior and suicide, mentions of self-harm, mentions of physical and verbal abuse (bullying), mentions of child neglect. please proceed with caution.)

( PARTS WILL BE REBLOGGED INSTEAD OF POSTED ALL AT ONCE. it’s needed because compared to the 7 photos of proof that the last analysis had, this one has 47 (48, when considering the thumbnail image). sorry for the inconvenience ! )

I. BASIL’S CHILDHOOD

Due to the nature of OMORI being mainly only in Sunny’s perspective, we do not have many solid and/or canon scenes of Basil’s childhood before he met the friend group. However, there are things in-game that do imply Basil hasn’t exactly had the best childhood. Starting off with what Polly says about Basil’s parents:

“Basil’s lived with his grandma since he was a toddler.” / “His parents don’t ever seem to be home”

Intentional or not—this does qualify as child neglect, which counts as abuse, even if unintentional. While they do care enough for Basil to leave him to his grandmother, and while they do care enough for Basil to hire a caretaker when it was evident that his grandmother wouldn’t hold out and survive for any longer, it’s not enough. This is not to say that they didn’t try—but, instead to say that they didn’t try enough.

Basil is implied to have been affected by this in some form or another, as seen by the comment he made on his photo album:

“I took photos of what I was most afraid to lose.”

This comment about the photo album confirms the existence of his fear of abandonment and losing the things he loved even before the incident. While you may argue that he’s too young to figure it out before that, children are curious. Before he met the friend group, he will, at some point, ask questions when he does see his other peers with their parents. He will ask why his grandmother looks different from the rest, and ask who that male figure is near their children (he never did get a father figure, after all.).

“I only knew what it was like to be alone.”

While this may have been said by Headspace Basil, it does confirm the fact that Basil never really had friends before, and does also imply Basil not having much of a connection to his grandmother. While yes, they do connect, they do at least love one another due to how she does care about him as a mother figure, it might have not been as deep as the connections he had for his friends. She does love him, and he loves her too—especially since she was his only family, but sometimes, bonds formed by connections go deeper than blood.

It’s also pretty clear that all he ever wished for was connections, which is seen through this!

“But what should I wish for? I have everything I could want right here!”

He mentions that the friend group he now has is everything he ever wished for, which does imply that since having a friend group is essentially connecting to others, and forming a strong bond with them through experiences with on another

Basil did most likely have to grow up a lot faster than the rest of the group—excluding Mari and Hero. This is evident by how he behaves more humble and polite than the rest of them—In a sense, he can be considered an “older brother” figure to the friend group, which is seen by how he does have a sense of wanting to protect them and take care of them. Which is seen even in the Basil fight, as seen by this:

The need to protect and care is seen here, and with how Sunny is the youngest of the group and with how they’ve experienced so much together, it’s most likely strengthened! How he likes taking care of things such as flowers and plants also does prove his need to care and protect! He’s also shown to want to help others, and shown to worry if his help just burdens other people, like here!

Basil also seems to worry if his issues would burden others—a negative side to being an “older brother” of sorts. Sometimes, if you view yourself as someone who needs to care and help others, you become afraid to show your vulnerable side in fear that you will become a burden to them, as well as in fear that you will be unreliable to them, which is seen here!

“Sometimes I feel like I’m bothering him”

He fears bothering others with his problems, he wants to make sure that they’re comfortable with him venting to them—he cares about them so much, even when he’s the one who needs reassurance.

Basil also does also serve as a peacemaker in the friend group, as shown by this:

While this is said by Headspace Basil, it also still does apply to Pre-Incident Basil, who does seem to dislike conflict as well. It’s also seen in Post-Incident Faraway Basil with how he asks, although it’s more wanting to avoid conflict plus fearing the person for reasons that will be explained in another part of this essay.

Most of these do imply that Basil has been at least a bit more mature than when compared to Kel, Aubrey, and Sunny! This does also provide a reason to why he’s often grouped with Mari, and Hero, who are like the ‘Mom and Dad’ of the group!

( Though this doesn’t have much of something that backs it up, another interesting thing is how the “Everything will be okay…” thing seems to stem from his childhood. We aren’t given much in-game, but a possible theory that someone suggested to me once is that maybe his family has a tradition to pretend that everything’s alright. Or it was drilled into him not to talk about bad experiences and stuff. But the theory is plausible, especially since it looks like there’s “nothing wrong” until you dive deeper into his character :3 )

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murfpersonalblog · 21 days

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Hello! I have been engaging in your analysis recently and I am satisfied by how thorough and sourced they are. I have been thinking about the possible parallel between Gabrielle and Louis of late and I was wondering if you think anything about it being possibly explored in the show. Gabrielle is masc presenting so I wonder if Louis' feminity will also be explored. There's so much I'm wondering!

Omg thanks so much for asking, and thanks for liking my stuff @timotheeronan! Tuck yourself in for a long AF post, cuz I've been wanting to get things off my chest about Gabrielle for a while (X X).

I FULLY expect S3 to make parallels between Gabrielle & Louis, yes. Their complex power dynamics with Lestat as Mother/Son, Fledgling/Maker are interwoven with their roles as spouses: Gabrielle as the Marquis' literal unhappy housewife AND Les' temporary Blood Spouse; and Louis as Lestat's metaphorical "unhappy housewife" and endgame Blood Spouse; and the ways they BOTH broke away from this to forge their own identities separate/free from him; "I'm companion enough for myself now."

On top of this, there's the CRUCIAL exploration of gender expression Gabrielle goes through. Gabrielle is so iconic, as someone I've seen over the decades labelled as everything from a feminist icon to masc presenting to GNC to nonbinary to trans to etc etc. It HAS to happen, I'd be shocked & appalled if it doesn't. Esp. considering how Les reacts (both positively AND negatively), wrt those aforementioned socio-gendered power dynamics & roles.

Cuz like I've BEEN stressing wrt Les' Matador pjs & Mardi Gras dress (X X); and Louis' power suits & cardigans: clothes are just ONE aspect of a larger societal framework these characters are operating under (x x x x). There's a "visual hierarchy of power" Carol Cutshall describes, where clothes reflect MORE than just gender expression, but also reflect power: agency/autonomy/freedom, or the lack thereof. Gab's masculine presentation goes farther than just her outward appearance on the surface. Deeper, there's what it says about how she felt about her her immediate relationship with Lestat, and her broader treatment & place in her family, and the world at large. Clothes can be a form of resistance; a power move.

So if S3's take on TVL goes the direction I hope/think it will, Lestat's Redemption Tour will be part defensive/reflective, as he deals with his repressed traumas and the many wrongs done to him; but also the many wrongs he's done to others: Louis & Gabrielle (and ofc Claudia & Nicki).

Cuz contrary to what braindead fans/stans lead people to believe, AMC's adaptation is 100% about the cycles of abuse & trauma; and how power imbalances between vampires are merely a reflection of IRL social inequality due to things like class, race, and gender; which vampires just DELUDE themselves into thinking they're above; but meanwhile can't help but perpetuate--cuz they ARE still human.

Whatever this "documentary/tour" manifests as, Les is gonna have to be confronted with the ways that his actions in the past impacted his actions in the present; so that Les realizes he needs to course-correct in the future, to become a better person/monster/vampire "WORTHY of Louis' love" and forgiveness.

But he also has to reconcile with his mother; when Gabrielle finally reappears after ~200 years of deliberate radio silence (x x). She follows him on his tour when he pisses off the vampires of the world & they try to kill him (& Lou) for blabbing about their secrets.

In QotD, Les, Lou & Gabe share close quarters with one another for Les' tour. When he's is kidnapped by Akasha, Lou & Gab team up together as they grieve his absence & wait/hope for Les' return, forming their own bond.

So I'd bet Monopoly dollars that AMC's take on TVL & QotD will be an effing circus full of funhouse mirrors being held up to their faces, as they all see aspects of themselves (reflections of the past repeating itself) in each other. It's gonna bring up uncomfortable truths; but help them all better understand/realize WHY Les is drawn to Gab & Lou and loves them so much, but also where he went wrong with both of them; and where they went wrong with him, too.

And it all boils down to Family vs Freedom.

Les' oppressive nature come from his overwhelming outpouring of love. Lovebombing is his love language; overcompensating for how he felt insecure & inadequate & ashamed. He wants what's best for his loves, but he also thinks he KNOWS what's best for them, too. He hated being poor country-nobility, broke as a joke in that crumbling chateau. He was ashamed. When faced with the horrific reality of his mother dying, his grief's wrapped up in wondering about the things she'd wanted, & fantasizing about the all things he'd wanted for her.

Cuz their relationship, as strained as it was, was marked with "grand and loving gestures" of GIFT-giving.

Les saved both Gab & Lou's life when he Turned them. Lou was suicidal (& no doubt careening towards alcohol poisoning); while Gab was dying of consumption. The Dark Gift is his ultimate show of love for those Les turns, his way of saying: I love you, I want you to live forever, and I wanna live WITH you forever, "be my companion;" we can keep each other company forever. But because vampirism is damned/cursed, the gift comes at the price of him potentially losing them anyway--cuz vampirism gives them power, and ultimately: freedom. (Hence: Les' abandonment issues.)

For Gabrielle, an 18th-century woman trapped in that awful chateau with that awful abusive husband raising awful abusive sons, books were her escape from reality; and her library was her nest/shelter.

We don't get much of Gab's POV/thoughts, but Anne Rice talked at length about how books & stories & writing were her outlet/escape; her Dreamworld when she was lonely/depressed/grieving/etc.

"Sometime in that year when seven-year-old Alice was gone for hours every day, my personal dreamworld was born, the detailed and complex paracosm in which I started to live the major portion of every day with my own secretly imagined characters. I know for certain that the dreamworld was in full swing by the time I was eight, and had been with me “forever.” And several of the characters who peopled that dreamworld then in 1949 are still with me today in a vivid cast of thousands.".... "Now and then I abandon the ancient dreamworld. But I have never since 2005 abandoned the primal dreamworld, the most important one, the one born to me when I was a little girl, the one that existed from the 1940s up through the early 1990s without interruption, and that is with me now every day. I myself am not in this dreamworld. There is no place in it for someone like me. I’ve had fantasies of actually discovering it, or being somehow transported to it, but I play no role in it whatsoever. I watch and listen and inhabit its various characters individually, just as I do characters in my books.... "Before I draw the obvious comparison between this dreamworld and the world of the Vampire Chronicles, I want to make several specific points about the dreamworld...." -- Anne Rice: Alphabettery

Gabrielle H A T E D being jailed/cooped up that chateau as much as Les did--heck, she likely hated it even MORE; cuz unlike her son (a MAN free to go out and hunt & act & preach--if his father let him, ofc), a WOMAN/"tradwife" was to be seen not heard.

Some of the only times she really makes herself heard--exerting her limited agency/autonomy/freedom--is when she's FIGHTING Les' FATHER the Marquis, to DEFEND HER CHILD's agency/autonomy/freedom (the Mama Bear to Lou's Papa Bear with Claudia (x x)).

Cuz ironically, SHE was the breadwinner in the family--it was HER dowry money that financed everything, when the shiftless de Lioncourts went broke generations ago. (And we see the same family dynamic with Louis' family, where Papa DPDL ran the estate into bankruptcy, and Levi Freniere mooched off of Grace--how "tradwives" had to become independent & self-sustaining & break social norms & become the surrogate head of the household when the patriarch let them down; and how that affected Lou's struggle for self-worth when it was left to him to become the (reluctant) man of the family--it's a VERY familiar scene fort Les, and another reason why he felt akin to Louis. But (as usual) Lou FAILS where Gabrielle succeeds--he loses the Azalea, and becomes a cripple after getting dropped 2km from the sky; so Claudia becomes HIS mother, defending him from THEIR p.o.s. patriarch, Lestat; exerting her own limited agency--but pressuring Lou to do the same (the Murder Plot).)

She squirrels her jewels under her pillows, withholding her money so the Marquis & her sons don't BLOW it all; withholds her knowledge/literacy cuz they don't value/respect it; withholds her affections cuz they HAVE blown it. Gab's outnumbered in that medieval castle stuffed to the gills with toxic masculinity; she hates her husband; pumps out sons he raised to disrespect & ignore her; is isolated in the middle-of-nowhere Auvergne; & depressed AF. She resented her life; and comforted herself with books. She loved Les the most, but she kept him at arms length too. Les loved his mother the most, but he resented her, too.

I see so many posts about how "selfish" Gab is, and I'm like this is the same exact nasty AF attitude people have against AMC!Lou. They're DEPRESSED, ffs! The same women online who go on & on about feminism & misogyny & female autonomy/agency & how men don't understand/respect postpartum depression and battered-wife syndrome; and then look at Gabrielle AND Louis like they've got two heads just cuz they don't kiss blorbo Lestat's arse 24/7, like wtF????

YES, depression can express itself as petty spite & meanness/coldness & resentful hostility. Gab never taught Les how to read, cuz the books were her comfort/escape FROM motherhood/reality; just like Lou's books were his comfort/escape FROM vampirism/reality (read: violence/homosexuality/marriage/Lestat). It's an ANNE RICE self-insert about her lifelong "Dreamworld"--ALL of her characters represent parts of herself at different times in her life.

They're UNHAPPY, and only find pleasure in the fantasy of stories--ofc Gab wouldn't want Les intruding on her Me Time by teaching him how to read--esp. when Les could be sent to the church to learn instead--which he was. (Unfortunately, his father only wanted him there long enough to learn the basics, not to commit himself to the church as a priest.)

Art imitates life--fantasy tv shows about vampires included. Les' behavior is PATENTLY familiar, and I fully expect S3 will mirror plenty of celebrity scandals involving IPV--Chris Brown's Apology Tour to the press immediately comes to mind, after he beat the breaks off of Rihanna. There are countless IRL cases where battered/abused/depressed women are negligent to their kids; and those kids grow up to be abusive to their own partners & families:

"Rocky was...high-strung, jittery. Energetic. (His family describes him slightly differently, as quiet and sometimes devious, also on the shy side.) Before he shot himself [and his wife Michelle Monson Mosure, and their 3 kids in 2001]...he’d written a message on his arms. No one was meant to see it, and no one can exactly remember what it said. Something like 'I deserve to go to hell.'" "Rocky was quiet...troubled, rebellious, but he loved the outdoors. Fishing, camping...the outdoor stuff, the quiet, even his real name, Gordon, he shared with his father. The nickname had come from his dad when Rocky was a baby, a tribute to the boxer Rocky Marciano. Gordon and his first wife, Linda, had three kids, of whom Rocky was the eldest.... When they divorced, Linda gave him full custody of all three kids.... [Gordon] had met someone at work pretty quickly after he and Linda separated: Sarah.... Although the kids had always had some trouble with school, after the move Gordon and Sarah discovered the kids were further behind than they’d realized, and though they hired tutors, the kids remained behind. None of them wound up graduating. Gordon claims that Linda planted the kids in front of the television or dragged them around with her wherever she went during the day, shopping or whatever. “Instead of teaching them ABCs and all this, they hadn’t gotten any of that,” Gordon says. When I spoke with Linda she remembered things differently, of course.... Rocky was in trouble after the move almost immediately.... By seventh grade, Sarah and Gordon knew Rocky needed help. They sent him to Pine Hills, the home for troubled boys.... In a family counseling session once, the therapist asked Rocky if he was sad his mother had left, and he said...'Yeah, it was better after she was gone because then we got to hang out with [Dad] more, but not have the big fighting between them.'" -- No Visible Bruises: What We Don't Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us, by Rachel Louise Snyder

-- Letellier & Island: Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them: Battered Gay Men and Domestic Violence

Lestans keep acting like he's called an abuser out of thin frikkin air; that there are no parallels b/t Loustat's dynamic and IRL cases; and that Les's above censure just cuz he's nicer in the later books. Yeah he gets better--cuz he got REJECTED by Gabrielle/Nicki/Louis, BESTED by Claudia, HUMBLED by Akasha, DUPED by Raglan, TORTURED by Memnoch, and CHALLENGED by Rhoshamandes! Les LITERALLY went to Hell, for crissakes!

(x x)

Les pulled ish on Lou that he would NEVER pull on Gab, specifically BECAUSE she's his MOTHER. Les had a HARD time divorcing that image from his mind, even when he reveled in the power vampirism gave them to be free, and live the lives they'd always dreamed of back at the chateau.

Even when he knew she was The Vampire Gabrielle, and he was her Maker/companion/paramour, he held onto that image of her as his mother--"my mother's boy, my mother's man" (a la the pilot script).

The Vampire Gabrielle fully embraced her new identity; being an apex predator (better than even Les did; she's a BAMF), shedding all human attachments & trivialities (the social constructs of long hair & dresses; morals & mores alike). But that came at the cost of her shedding her her motherly role too. She was finally TRIUMPHANT: POWERFUL & FREE, and she dressed accordingly: as a man, with all of the societal affordances, liberties & freedoms that entailed.

(Gabrielle & Nicki & Louis are even tied together through Paris' Ile Saint Louis, where Nickistat lived & loved; and where Les turned Gabrielle.)

Patriarchal male privilege and vampiric gendered liberation for Gab works similarly but differently/separate but equal than it does for AMC!Louis, not just cuz of his sexuality, but esp. cuz of his race. As usual, Gab triumphs where Lou fails. Although he IS a man, he's a gay BLACK man, which put him even lower on the racist/sexist social hierarchical pyramid than a white woman (Gab included). From slavery times (Gab) to Jim Crow (Lou) down to the Civil Rights Movement, the youngest white girl (called "Miss") had more rights than the oldest Black man (called "boy"). For all Les' promises that he & his fledglings would be "equals in the quiet dark," white male Les was the ONLY one with rights over BOTH of them--as such, they're both on similar levels in Coven Master Lestat's household; even when they tried to exert their own autonomy. (The same holds true for Lou & Claudia, ALSO put on the same level.)

Les was just as conflicted with book!Gab's newfound freedom & choice of victims as he was with AMC!Lou's, for opposite but similar reasons, all boiling down to how HE thought his fledglings should act. On one hand he encouraged embracing vampiric nature, while on the other hand wanting to curb their killing to fit human laws he swore didn't matter anymore, like wtf--am I a lion(court) or a housecat? He was a pisspoor teacher to Gab AND Lou (and yet people wanna point the finger at Gab & Lou for leaving him, or blame megaladon!Armand for taking advantage of Lou' & Claudia's ignorance, like HUH?!?)

[EDITED TO ADD:] Lou & Gab are both oppressed by societal/gendered expectations. For Gabrielle, tradwife domesticity/femininity was her performance, her CAGE/JAIL. The masculine ideal for her was being someone like Wolfkiller Lestat: a macho hunter, slaying dangerous animals in the wilderness, dressed in men's clothes with her hair cropped short; not being called "Mother" anymore or having to raise kids & deal with her psycho husband.

[EDITED TO ADD:] But that macho-masculinity was performance for Lou ("Did I WANT to pull a knife on my brother? NO."). He was a "rougher thing, then," passing as straight, and it made him miserable. He wanted a completely opposite life (the domesticity of being boo'd up at home with his man, always dressed in cardigans, "smothering" his daughter Claudia, and just being a homemaker)--but what is the opposite of masculinity but femininity? What's the opposite of a businessman but a tradwife (the feminine ideal pre-feminism)? How can his pride/life as a Black man tryna be respected in a white world survive without nosey white women like Antoinette & homophobic white cops always asking about his 1 bed upstairs? For Lou, domesticity/"femininity" was FREEDOM--until Les took advantage of Lou's vulnerability and the townhouse became his CAGE/JAIL; and he became just as miserable as Gabrielle was--cycles cycling.

And unlike Gabrielle de Lioncourt, who had the honor of being Les' biological mother/maker/creator (the one who knew everything about him), with the almost sacred idea(l) of her in his head as his childhood champion/savior that allowed him to defer to her and accept her wanting to do & go her own way, even as he clung to the idea(l) of his "Mother" that made him resent her abandoning him (again); Louis had no such privilege.

Les was HIS Maker--"I put you on this earth." "I chose you!" Lou was CREATED to be Les' person: his bespoke companion; groomed & Vegas Married to not know a thing about Les' past/nature that Les didn't want him to know; seduced to love the monster first (not the man). Les expected Lou to be happy; not reject Les/vampirism & read books at home rather than go on sexcapades & killing sprees; ashamed of his true nature full of "self-loathing" he projected at Les.

Even when Lou was too weak & hungry to have sex, he still spent his time reading; and cuz Les can't read his mind, it's the best way to shut out everything and focus on his fantasy rather than his body's needs, let alone Les' emotional needs. He gets so much worse during the Great Depression, when Claudia's gone & he's given up all pretenses that he's anything but the "unhappy housewife;" and Les gives up the pretenses of not resenting Lou for "not honoring the Blood [read: ME] as he should." Hence: Ep5; "crushing what you cannot own;" and Les pissing all over Lou's name & reputation in the Trial; as abusers often blame their victims, or outright lie to make them seem crazy, evil, or abusive.

Thankfully, Les has already come face to face with how effed up the Trial was, and how badly his participation in the Trial/smear campaign hurt Lou's feelings; "Come to Me!? Those were HIS words! F-- you!"

So while I fully expect S3 Les to emphasize his own childhood traumas & abuse, and while I fear Gabrielle will carry the lion's share of censure in Les' POV (and in the fandom) for abandoning him, hopefully Les doesn't do what many abusers do and make it all about him and his man-pain. Hopefully he's candid about how Gab was wronged too (by his p.o.s. dad & brothers, AND he himself); and that his resentments towards Gabrielle bled into his resentments towards Louis. But I ALSO expect Les to still have self-improvement to do--TVL/QotD is NOT where he pivots from being an a-hole to a saint; he does some ATROCIOUS stuff in those books, and in TotBT.

The Prince Lestat trilogy is Les's final redemption arc, his pride humbled & then rewarded--and even then he's still a work-in-progress ("I'm, a lot, I'm not perfect").

Lou (& Claudia) emancipated themselves from Massa Lestat after the Murder Plot (or at least, Lou tries to--Loustat canonical endgame, after all). But they only get back together after a long period of on/off stints, as Les gradually figured out how to be a normal effing person for once; and how to respect Lou's agency/autonomy/freedom.

Likewise, his relationship with Gabrielle also vastly "improves," as she, like Lou in PLAtRoA, finally decides to live with Les at the renovated Chateau de Lioncourt; letting go of the past to build something new.

But he STILL can't help but revert to treating her like his bride/wife, doll, and mother, all in one (until she gets sick of it, ofc, LOL).

At Prince Les' celebratory Winter Solstice fete in BC, Gab dresses to the nines as the belle of the ball to please him, as Queen Mother of his Vampire Court; just as Lou's his Prince Consort/Blood Spouse. Les gets everything he ever wanted, his happily ever after, and AR tries to make you feel he "earned" their forgiveness, but YMMV.

TL;DR:

Regardless of what Gab presents as externally, or the way she WANTS to be treated; the way Lestat TREATS her is consistent with the way HE thinks it is appropriate for her to be treated BY him--same with Louis. Gender/sexuality/race be darned--Les "wins" by virtue of being the white cis male protagonist & hero of TVC. 🙄

So yeah, I expect/hope S3 will show a lot of subtle/nuanced parallels & even explicit intersections b/t Gabrielle & Lou. But I don't expect them to dump it on us all at once, cuz this process of accountability, forgiveness & acceptance is protracted over the entire length of TVC, all the way to the very last book.

Hope my long AF rambling & tangents answered your question even a little bit, omfg. 🤦😅

#the vampire chronicles #interview with the vampire #the vampire lestat #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #louis de pointe du black #gender equality #gender inequality #gender dynamics #white privilege #fashion statement #iwtv tvc metas

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katealpha · 4 months

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Hot Take

I ship Raya and Sisu over Raya and Namaari. Here’s why!

• The biggest reason. Sisu has an adorable, scrimblo human form that she can change into at will. Raya’s got the best of both worlds.

•Sisu and Raya would be around each other much more often, depending on what you’d have Sisu doing after the events of the movie. In my headcanon, Sisu went right to Heart after helping relieve Kumandra, and effectively became Raya’s roommate. Namaari on the other hand is a princess of another land and having her own responsibilities, may not have as much time for Raya.

• Sisu has nowhere near as much negative baggage as Namaari. Namaari is partially the reason why the Druun returned to Kumandra, and half of the reason why they were nearly screwed forever, with six years in between these two events of the two hating one another’s guts. Personally I’m not too sure what kind of romantic relationship could spawn out of those events. In Sisu’s case, Raya spent a quarter of her life trying to find her, and all her life fascinated and revering her. When she’s woken up, Sisu isn’t exactly what Raya had in mind, but she’s still the first positive social interaction Raya’s had in literal years.

• Sisu’s presence in her life made Raya a better person. The other biggest reason for me is that Sisu simply completes Raya in a way I feel like Namaari doesn’t. In the movie Raya distrusts everyone around her to an almost absurd degree. While her worry is understandable, Sisu is able to get Raya to lighten up and give people a chance after she had previously stated that she’d completely lost her hope in humanity. Sisu’s positive influence eventually got Raya to find hope that her father’s dream could become a reality, and she ended up adopting Sisu’s more forgiving attitude, and let go of the hatred she had for Namaari and her people.

•Losing Sisu sent Raya into a frenzy. While losing her father seemed to have traumatized her deeply, losing Sisu to that very preventable accident Namaari caused made Raya nearly kill for revenge. I think that says something about how deeply she felt about Sisu despite only knowing her for a few days at most.

•Her own death and the consequences of being revived can serve as something Raya and Sisu can overcome as a couple. Some people were bothered by how Sisu dying and coming back didn’t seem to have any consequences. I agree with this sentiment, which is why in my headcanon, Sisu is not only severely traumatized by the event, but has a chronic pain in her heart where the arrow hit her. This in my headcanon is the catalyst for Raya and Sisu forming a much closer bond. Trauma is something Raya knows all too well, and her having to help Sisu overcome it like the dragon once did with her, I feel can not just be very wholesome, but lead to bigger things.

•I just think Raya getting together with the titular “Last Dragon” is just a neat idea. Heroes falling in love with the things they’re sent to find on their quest is one of those tropes I really like, especially when that love is reciprocated, and Sisu is a character that very much represents the love that Raya loses and gains back over the course of the movie.

So that’s that. Personally I’d love to see more Raya X Sisu arts, as well as an official ship name like Rayaari. I don’t have anything against Rayaari, on that note. Raya getting with Sisu is just my own preference, and there are plenty of reasons why Raya and Namaari can work.

So what shall we call this ship? Risu? Saya? Raysu? Siya? Definitely let me know what you think of this.

#animated movies #disney #raya and the last dragon #raya sisu #sisu the dragon #raya x sisu #raya #sisu #disney ships #shipping

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hirazuki · 2 years

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Hush, child, the darkness will rise from the deep And carry you down into sleep, Child, the darkness will rise from the deep And carry you down into sleep. (Loyalty loyalty loyalty loyalty Loyalty loyalty loyalty only to me.) -- Mordred's Lullaby

Personal preferred interpretation of *gestures to everything* under the cut! Warning for blatant and shameless conflation of multiple versions of the text with pure, self-indulgent headcanons.

I've gone back and forth on this a lot, but I think I've finally settled on preferring Eol to be both a Dark Elf (i.e. never went to Aman) and a "darkened elf" (i.e. former thrall of Angband/corrupted by Melkor). I know Tolkien changed his mind on both of these later, but I don't find it repetitive at all to have Maeglin also suffer the same fate; I think the cycle is meaningful and adds another layer of complexity to these characters. Also, it would give Eol's "ill at ease" within Melian's girdle and seeking to stay away additional meaning, making it a physical consequence of his circumstances and not only a predilection of his personality. Idk, the more layers and reasons something has behind it, the more enjoyment I draw from it :)

I do like Eol being Sindar and Thingol's kin, but also more alike in spirit and behavior to the Avari than anything else. Witch of the Wilds aesthetic, and more in tune with nature and the land than the Sindar in Doriath. He and Maeglin have always given me a Morgana and Mordred vibe. (fun fact: the mirror is supposed to be obsidian, which is used for scrying.)

He truly loved his son, and his relationship with Maeglin was no more and no less positive/negative than your average father-son relationship -- some minor disagreements as any parent and child are bound to have -- until Maeglin started expressing a desire to see the Noldor; and it was all downhill from there. He still loved his son, however, despite everything, and his attempt to choose death over Gondolin for him was done out of love as well. Perhaps not a healthy love, but a genuine one all the same.

Eol being a darkened elf + Maeglin being born in Beleriand + the "Melkor ingredient" present in all matter outside of the Blessed Realm = a compounded (x3) tendency towards Melkor within Maeglin's spirit that was there since he was conceived. If everyone who has a body that is nourished by Arda (outside of Aman) has an inclination towards Melkor that they can't be free of in their incarnate forms, how much stronger might that be if one of your parents is a former thrall who -- going off of his behavior and tendencies -- still bears the marks of that bond? I like to think that the way Melkor affects his thralls can carry down genetically, even for elves that remain elves and weren't turned into orcs.

I personally prefer Maeglin to not be under an enchantment as a way to explain why he betrayed Gondolin -- I like him being responsible for his own actions! Even if he also never had a chance and was doomed from before he was born. I like the interplay of those two concepts and generally don't find them mutually exclusive -- but I do love the idea of compulsion. Of his pre-existing link to Melkor through Eol and through Arda being used (I prefer this to be Mairon's work, but it certainly can be done by Melkor instead) to sway him. Like, not Mairon actually spelling him and making him not be in control of his body or not being able to warn people in Gondolin because his speech is bound, etc., but like. Mairon slipping certain elements into the fabric of his voice -- he is Ainur; underscoring his speech with Music is no big deal -- to manipulate that Melkor ingredient within Maeglin and make him be more receptive. Compliant. Add to that some carefully crafted understanding as one talented smith who knows what it is like to feel ill-suited to his surroundings to another, a little bribery, and, of course, the ever-present and very real threat of torture -- in delicately balanced respective quantities -- and done.

This is totally entirely self-indulgent headcanon territory here, especially since Mairon is never actually present for Maeglin's imprisonment in any version of the text (to my knowledge) BUT: I like to think that, just as with Maedhros in my headcanons, Mairon formed a kind of reluctant attachment to Maeglin. But whereas with Maedhros it was more of an equal footing type of thing, a grudging acknowledgement of a worthy opponent being cut from the same cloth, with Maeglin it's more of a foster situation. Like: "Here is this very valuable prisoner who we can work with, who -- with a only a small amount of effort -- is amenable to working together and he's the son of a former thrall so there's already a connection there and, oh, he's also a smith? Oh, he's actually pretty good. Wait, he's only 189 years old, idk because I've never cared much for elves but isn't that ridiculously young wtf, he's clearly ambitious and reeling for approval and acknowledgement and will easily take to a guiding hand. Well, there's no one else around but me, I guess I'll take one for the team and the war effort and all that" *accidentally transfers all the instructing instincts he possesses that had previously gone to his wolves now all long dead, he doesn't keep wolves anymore since losing Tol-in-Guarhoth, it's too painful to this strange elf* Again, not healthy, but complicated and messy and invested.

... I did not mean to make it all about Mairon again lmao I am so sorry XD

I'm sure I'll have additional thoughts as I keep re-reading the Silmarillion, or my opinions/preferences may somewhat alter (I still have to sit down and read HoME and Nature of Middle Earth properly, I've only read snippets), but. an overwhelming number of you voted that you enjoyed reading stuff like this so. There you go. This is where I'm currently at lol.

#maeglin #eol #mairon #sauron #silmarillion #tolkien #my art #don't mind me i've just been plagued by a case of The Thoughts™#i'm a big fan of the mix-and-match/create-your-own approach to Legendarium content if you couldn't tell lmao #i mean if we're going to be given numerous variants and alternate versions. i'm clearly going to go with the angstiest combination possible #... and then proceed to spiral wayyyyyyyy off the deep end from there #XDD #silm #silm musings #hira draws tolkien

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theartsynebulawhodoodles · 5 days

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Cytherea (My UTMV OC) Art!

I’m going to write some things about Cytherea! She is my UTMV OC! I have posted her backstory in my blog if you want to check it out! (P.s) she has other outfits and this is just a concept of one!

Here’s some basic info:

Cytherea has multiple names! She has no official name since she doesn’t go by her dead name and has multiple names throughout her life. However, everyone just calls her Cytherea.

Cytherea is half Native American, quarter Greek, and quarter Scottish. Her original parents were Native American, however due to her being born from spirits of them, she was formed by hand, so when she was taken in by her adoptive parents after being brought to them so she could be taken care of properly, she inherited the Greek and Scottish in the adoptive parents.

She is Asexual, Pansexual, and a Demi Girl! Me and her share the same sexualities and gender since I wanted to represent my sexuality and gender through a character I made.

She is an artist and likes to make art! She also enjoys music, dancing, reading, learning, and writing stories.

Her personality is quite difficult to explain. She is a kind and motherly person who has strong levels of sympathy, however she is stubborn and can be very sensitive at times. She is kind to everyone and tries to find understanding in others to bond with them. She tries to keep her negative emotions hidden and away from others since she is terrified of accidentally harming someone.

Her physical appearance: She has paler skin for a medical reason I will list below. She has freckles and scars across her skin, the scars from many different things. She has dusty lavender colored eyes and brunette hair with flowers in it. She has Angel fang piercings and ear piercings and a round body type that’s chubby as her body type. She has two tattoos, a ankh representing a loved one on her hip and flowers that look like they are one with her body on her shoulder. She has a Greek nose as well. She is 5,4.

Some emotional/trauma/issues Cytherea has. (Tw: abusive parents, manipulation referenced)

Cytherea is a paradox in the UTMV. She basically exists despite it being impossible for her to exist. Since she technically was from another entire chain of multiverses and the creator originally put them in that chain of multiverses, then it means that since the creator didn’t write them originally in the Undertale multiverses then it would be impossible for them to exist in there. But Cytherea broke the laws of reality out of sheer determination if that makes sense! But she realizes that everyone has been made from something and that certain scenarios were created by creators and not all of them were natural. But she is uneasy around the idea of viewing everyone as characters, so she tries to ignore the creators and pretend like she is unaware of the creators.

She has issues with trusting to easy. Since her adoptive parents weren’t good people and treated her poorly, she trusts too easily when she feels loved and appreciated since she never gotten that feeling from her caretakers. It makes here very easy to control with beings like Nightmare.

She has BPD, Autism, and Anxiety. She has been mentally ill for a long time and is always trying her best to improve her mental health.

Whenever she formed and fused with the forgotten soul, the forgotten soul became apart of her, which made her soul have traits of the forgotten soul, which included integrity.

The flowers in her hair are apart of her body. She controls them and they sometimes even purr and hiss! They shoot poison at enemies.

Cytherea has a blood issue/condition which causes toxins to be inside her blood stream, which is kinda like venom or poison that are dangerous to others. This condition affects her abilities to do physical things like exercise or training like others (makes her slower or less active due to energy preserving) and her energy levels being extremely unstable. She has to take a treatment to remove the toxins in her blood every once in a while and has to rest for a bit at certain points of the day because of it.

If anyone has any questions about Cytherea send me a question in my asks box! I’ll either answer in my own perspective or of how Cytherea would answer, like me roleplaying as her! Thank you all for all the support!

(CYTHEREA BELONGS TO ME)

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superdorkcat · 2 months

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I've been dealing with KH brainrot lately and, lacking for other things to do, decided to make a masterpost of all potential evidence pointing to Vanitas (who's one of my favorite characters) making a comeback in KH4.

The first indication that Vanitas could reappear in the future comes in Dream Drop Distance, which implies that he found his way into Sora's heart at the end of Birth by Sleep, much like Ven did. Let me explain.

Xehanort's entire plan in DDD is based on Sora having the whole Heart Hotel thing going on. During his encounter with Sora in La Cité des Cloches, Young Xehanort outright proclaims:

"You are the one who has made your heart a prison. [...] Even if you are not the prisoner."

While it may seem that he's just talking about Ven, Xion, and Roxas here, that notion is contradicted at the end of the game when Riku meets with Data-Ansem the Wise, who says this:

"And some of those hearts never left him- whether they fell into darkness or were trapped there- whether they sleep in the darkness of Sora's heart, or were welcomed into its warmth- they can be saved."

Ven, Xion, and Roxas are all shown to be in a recreation of Destiny Islands - the light of Sora's heart. They can't be who Data-Ansem is talking about here. The only person who can be inside the darkness of Sora's heart is Vanitas.

Vanitas's final scene in KH3 adds to this, where he has this exchange with Sora after being defeated.

Sora: Then why won't you stand by our side? Instead of with darkness? Vanitas: Because I am darkness. And I do stand by your side. I'm the shadow that you cast. How much closer could I be?

This exchange takes on a whole new level once you take Rage Form into account, where Sora becomes consumed with anger (remember that the Unversed are basically Vanitas's negative emotions given physical form), uses darkness-based attacks and the same fighting stance as Vanitas, and doesn't cast a shadow.

Neither does KH2's Anti Form, for that matter. Although Nomura said in an interview that Rage Form and Anti Form are based on separate concepts (Anti is Sora "being completely stained in darkness" while Rage is him "going into a rampage state, controlled by feelings of anger"), I still find the connection notable. Mainly because KH2's Drive Forms are symbolic of a bond Sora has (Valor = Goofy, Wisdom = Donald, Limit = Kairi, and Master = Mickey) but have to be activated manually. That is, except for the two that activate randomly - Final (which is a reward for beating Roxas and thus represents him) and Anti, which Sora has from the very beginning.

Also from KH3 is the chess match between Eraqus and Xehanort. Looking at the board, you can see two versions of the piece that represents Vanitas - one that's still on the board and another that has been captured by Eraqus. Take a look.

Even though it's not strictly canon, there's a passage from BBS's light novel that I want to include. In it, Vanitas is enveloped in the same light that Ven is, the light that brings him to Sora's heart.

"Light arose from the spot where Vanitas had disappeared. It flared, then blanketed Ven's body as well. It was soft and tender. Radiant and whole. Is it over...? Wrapped in this strong, benevolent light, Ven descended into the darkness. I know this place - it's so familiar. This...is your heart."

I know, I know - the light novels aren't canon. However, the BBS novel depicts Vanitas in a far more sympathetic and tragic light than in the original game, which his latest appearance in the games, Dark Road, leans slightly more towards. In it, he disobeys Xehanort's order to stay in the Keyblade Graveyard out of concern for/curiosity regarding Ven's condition post-split and becomes scared after Xehanort threatens him.

The scene also reveals that Xehanort suspected that Vanitas is one of the Willful Darknesses and was never part of Ven, instead being a separate entity that was merely hiding inside him. That being said, this goes against a previous reveal in the game, which establishes that, if someone keeps foreign darkness inside them long enough, it will become a permanent part of them. As Baldr's darkness puts it:

"Are you sure you want to do that? We're one now. If I disappear, he will too."

While Ven's own heart and the Willful Darkness inside him may have been separate, they likely weren't by the time of Vanitas's birth - explaining both Vanitas's ability to feel some of Ven's emotions and how the whole thing almost killed Ven. It wasn't the surgical removal of a parasite, it was a limb being ripped off.

Of course, the connection is still an important one that, given KH's explorations of personhood, individuality, and identity, will likely be explored further. (Especially since Strelitzia is most likely going to be a major character in KH4.) Also, while Vanitas says that he was never a part of Ven in Re Mind, he only does so after Ven shot down them being brothers in favor of them being the "same"... which he doesn't take well.

There's a few more things I want to go over before ending. First, "Heroes and Heroines: Characters' Medley" is a medley combining the leitmotifs for the main protagonists of the series before ending with, of all songs, Vanitas's boss theme.

As part of the celebrations for the franchise's 20th anniversary, a special artwork was released. In it, characters that are connected are grouped together. At the bottom left, we have reformed antagonists. The Seekers of Darkness's traitor trio (Isa, Even, and Demyx) is there, as is Ienzo. However, there's one outlier:

#kingdom hearts #kh4 #vanitas kh

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my-coven-is-claudia · 2 years

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Katelyn has BPD analysis

i love psychoanalysing my favourite characters whenever i am currently questioning my own mental state.

disclaimer!!

this is based off extensive research,, the people in my life who deal with this condition and my own personal experience. i very much doubt jess intended any of this but once i began to notice the dots connecting when it comes to katelyn’s behaviour and common symptoms of bpd my brain had to make this post.

i aim to have be as accurate as possible with the resources and knowledge i have at my disposal about bpd. if you wish to add anything or believe i’ve said anything inaccurate please feel free to say!

so finally,, without further ado…

1. causes

“If you get a BPD diagnosis you're more likely than most people to have had difficult or traumatic experiences growing up, such as […] losing a parent” - Mind.org

in her early years,, katelyn’s mother left her and the rest of her family,, leaving them poverty stricken and in a single-parent household. losing a parent in any context can be deeply traumatic,, especially if the child does not have the right support systems and/or has to fill the role of the parent themselves. losing an attachment figure can increase a child’s poor psychological well-being,, changes in behaviour and mental health issues. although we don’t have much information,, losing her mother most definitely negatively affected katelyn. this is amplified by the fact this happened roughly during her preteens where a parent’s death is more likely to have a significant effect as the child and parent would have developed a close bond by then.

with what information we have on how elizabeth’s disappearance specifically affected katelyn suggests that there was a refusal to move on. it is said that she would throw tantrums whenever her father planned to be with another woman. this shows that katelyn was likely one of the most affected out of her entire family by this trauma; whilst the rest of her family attempted to move on with their lives katelyn was still stuck in the moment where she first learned that her mother was gone. she was stuck in the trauma. a fear of abandonment was instilled in her and her father disrupting the walls she had made would throw her into a state of distress. witnessing her father treat other women the same way he treated elizabeth possibly even triggered a return of the past trauma of losing her mother.

katelyn describes these episodes as “tantrums” a common way to phrase bpd episodes when the person experiencing them is undiagnosed. without the proper tools to address and control these episodes katelyn likely was left to process it all herself. this would have added to her complex trauma as a mishandling of an episode can also be a form of trauma. having no idea why not only your mind but your body is having such a violent reaction and your cry for help is being met with even more mishandling only leads to the problem becoming worse. if you struggle with any kind of mental disorder and your symptoms aren’t being questioned this will negatively affect you. these outbursts are usually cries for help in some way or another and them being simply ignored only digs the hole deeper.

with all this said katelyn does state that she eventually overcame her grief and was able to move on. we see that the grief over elizabeth’s disappearance does not affect her nearly as much as it once did as an adolescent and is no longer debilitating. but at what cost?

2. emotional instability

“If you have BPD, you may experience a range of often intense negative emotions” - NHS official website

one of katelyn’s most defining traits is her intense emotions,, usually extreme anger. in the early seasons of mystreet we see her snap and become easily irritated with people,, even with her friends. when she displays emotions such as panic or rage it is always extreme. furthermore,, violence is usually the next step as she regularly threatens the people around her and even sometimes goes through with it.

an important note to make is that those who struggle with bpd are not inherently violent. not in any sense of the word. however,, this does not mean people with bpd cannot be violent,, whether this is a byproduct of their bpd or something else. katelyn is someone who i think is violent because of her intense emotions brought on by bpd. she is not equipped enough to deal with these and consequently,, let’s it out on other people. no one has questioned why she acts like this and so she doesn’t find an issue with it. her problematic behaviour has been so normalised and the people around her are seemingly used to it,, aphmau and nana mostly notably so.

Nana: “Oooh you know Katelyn~Sama… she just likes to get in a snarky remark. She does that… a lot… to our customers at the restaurant.”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 1

nana and aphmau do not take any notice of katelyn’s behaviour,, simply brushing it off as her being well - katelyn. this shows that she’s been like this for the majority of her life,, long enough for her two closest friends to consider it normal. her knee-jerk reaction is defensiveness and fury and it’s a habit that goes deep and is ingrained into her.

it is deep in her veins,, so intrinsically a part of her being that she cannot be separated from it; the people around her quite literally solely associate her with wrath. this passive acceptance of this toxic trait likely enables her behaviour,, preventing her from healing. although she mentions that she does meditation it cannot replace actual professional help. she doesn’t appear to have enough self awareness to keep herself in check that she ends up hurting others in an irreversible way. but that’s for later on.

another example of her extreme emotions is her anxiety.

Katelyn: “Do you not remember high-school? I always freak out before tests.”

Travis: “Oh yeah. But you usually passed so why worry now?”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 23

although anxiety over exams is common, travis points out that katelyn has been repeatedly successful in tests so this worry seems to be a lot more like paranoia than simple nervousness. katelyn feels like her whole world is ending and is completely frazzled.

Katelyn: “There’s no way I can [calm down]. The test is in 10 minutes - I need more time.”

no amount of rationalising will make the situation any less stressful for her. she only experiences in extremes; in terror and alarm and not simply nervousness and worry. on top of this,, she doesn’t appear to have any proper coping mechanisms for this outside of meditation. no grounding method. no breathing technique. she either lashes out or freezes up. for a character who when it comes to picking between fight or flight usually chooses fight she has a pattern of being so overwhelmed by her emotions that she cannot function. her brain’s rationality is drowned out by anger,, anxiety,, sadness whatever she’s dealing with and all that is left is pure instinct.

3. impulsive behaviour

“Impulsivity is regarded as a clinical, diagnostic and pathophysiological hallmark of borderline personality disorder” - PubMed.gov

impulsivity in the context of bpd is thought as usually being something of the like of drug misuse or unprotected,, risky sex. however,, it can also present as less extreme actions (although still harmful) like binge-eating or going on a spending-spree. impulsivity in someone with bpd goes deeper than individual reckless actions and can affect the personality of the person. for example,, maybe they’re charismatic and charming or dramatic and seek thrilling activities. this all can actually be tied back to lower impulse control.

i bring this up because although we don’t see katelyn acting impulsive much,, her true symptoms may be more clear in her personality and this does happen in those with bpd. for example,, katelyn is playful with her friends and has flirted with quite a few people. her flirtatious behaviour doesn’t seem to hold much meaning,, however,, usually being meaningless. this kind of attitude to love and relationships is an example of how reckless behaviour in bpd can affect someone’s personality and day-to-day life. in episode 31 after a chaotic string of events due to zane and aphmau faking a relationship whilst zianna visits,, katelyn ends up stepping in and lies about her and aph being in a relationship and even goes as far as being willing to kiss her. all of this is obviously in jest but that is the key issue here. to katelyn it is a joke,, nothing serious. she appears to be much more comfortable with the idea of romance and intimacy than having a genuine and raw connection with someone.

in this episode once zianna is told this lie by katelyn she encourages katelyn and aphmau to kiss. aphmau is flustered and is made even more distressed than she already is whilst katelyn immediately leans into it.

Katelyn: “Well, if you insist.”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 31

again all of this is casual but the fact that she gives less than a second of thought before agreeing to this clearly implies how lightly she takes the situation. it’s superficial at most. not in the way that she has no desire for intimacy but more so that she doesn’t view it with the same meaning and significance as someone else would. as a result,, this leads to her impulsivity.

this recklessness,, especially when it comes to romance,, comes to a climax when katelyn kisses travis in an attempt to prove a point to lucinda.

Katelyn: “Because he doesn’t deserve a kiss from you. Plus you’re terrible at kissing.”

Lucinda: “Excuse me but I am amazing at kissing… because I have a potion for that.”

Katelyn: “Pft let me show you how it’s done.”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 34

katelyn promptly kisses travis and doesn’t realise the implications of what’s she’s done until a good few seconds later. in response to travis reading the kiss as a declaration of love she immediately punches him and runs off,, denying any meaning behind the kiss. she doesn’t realise the implications of what she’s done until it’s laid out right in front of her.

a lot of her impulsive actions seem to be done to prove herself or a distraction from reality. when egged on to prove her confidence or superiority in some way she lunges at the opportunity. she doesn’t critically think about the effects this may have on others or the general aftermath. if it seems like fun to her she won’t hesitate to do it. this ties into her general lack of care for other’s feelings in these situations. when she pretends to be aphmau’s partner and when she kisses travis she causes both of them to be flustered,, clearly not thinking about how her words/actions affect those around her. although these instances are not severe she shows a pattern of disregarding people’s feelings. she isn’t self centred per say but her impulsiveness leads her to not register the severity of what’s she’s doing. not until it slaps in her the face.

4. intense and unstable relationships

“To split something means to divide it. Those with BPD tend to characterize themselves, other people, and situations in black and white.”

- healthline.com

splitting is when a person with bpd alternates between extremes of idealization or devaluation. the key part of this is the exaggerated and rapid change in perception of a person or situation. this usually applies to relationships,, causing the person with bpd to have a distorted view of their partner,, seeing them only in the best or worst possible light. sometimes this derives from projection,, pushing their negative view of themself onto their partner. this black and white can destroy relationships as the person with bpd is consumed by their distorted thinking whilst their partner is left in the dust.

katelyn exhibits this black and white thinking very clearly. she antagonises people like zane,, refusing to get to know him and disregarding any possible positives about him. in contrast,, she adores her friends like aphmau,, thinking only good of her and defending her at every chance. she clings onto quick-second first impressions of people and doesn’t let go even when she’s been proved wrong. very rarely does she feel neutral towards someone,, either loving them and showering them in praise or despising and only thinking the worst of them.

this is shown when aphmau asks her to be nicer to zane and she refuses to change her stance.

Katelyn: “Um.. I think you already know the answer to that. You know he and Jeffory don’t get along and Jeffory is my friend. So no.”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 15

even if she may not have a negative experience with someone personally if someone she trusts and values doesn’t like someone she will automatically share that same opinion.

this kind of black and white thinking doesn’t appear to massively negatively affect her relationships as she appears to have enough rationality to keep her thoughts to herself. however,, this awareness that good and bad can exist together in one seems to falter when it comes to her relationship with travis.

from the moment that katelyn meets travis her view of him is engulfed him in negativity

Katelyn: “I also bet you didn’t know what pain was until I-“

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 15

in their very first interaction katelyn punches him. without any thought or remorse she just hits him. however,, this first instance of abuse is somewhat understandable as he approached her by flirting which reasonably and justifiably upset her. travis is the one mainly in the wrong in this situation,, even if his flirting is mostly humorous.

what appears to anger katelyn specifically in this context is that nana appears to be ignorant to travis’s inappropriate behaviour.

Nana: “Katelyn-sama that’s not nice. Travis has a broken heart and needs more chocolate!”

Katelyn: “How blind are you Kawaii~Chan? He’s just trying to smooth talk you!”

this passive reaction to travis’s behaviour is a pattern throughout the series. no one particularly appears to have a problem with his comments or flirting. but katelyn does. everyone else doesn’t feel uncomfortable around travis and her friends expect her to feel the same. her discomfort around travis is undermined and minimised again and again,, played off as a joke.

an instance of this is when in an attempt to distract katelyn,, lucinda teleports travis into her home.

Travis: “Oh- what the- where am I? I was just about to take a shower and… heyyy Katelyn.”

Katelyn: “What the- Travis?! Lucinda you said….”

Lucinda: “I said I wasn’t going to use any spells on you. You said nothing about a teleportation spell. Oh, and don’t bother to smack Travis I put a temporary spell on him to prevent physical injury.”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 28

this is presented as lighthearted fun between katelyn and lucinda. just another instance of two friends trying to annoy each other. very clearly,, katelyn wants nothing to do with travis,, even despising his presence but she is forced into the same room as him repeatedly whilst all her friends laugh at her. it’s no surprise that she reacts with violence.

this is in no way to excuse her actions but her abuse towards him grows more and more extreme because she’s being constantly taunted by those around her. her own friends push her buttons with no regard for how she feels and treat her like a rag-doll. both travis and her have been pushed onto a stage,, all eyes on them and forced to play caricatures of themselves. the only difference is that whilst travis appears to live off the attention katelyn cracks under it. she smashes to the ground and shatters into a million different pieces. and they all aim towards travis.

where katelyn’s behaviour veers off from being simply weirded out by travis to physical assault and abuse is when she starts taking out all her of anger on him and him only. it goes from her only hitting him when he flirts with her to when he even utters a word.

this is why her behaviour is so toxic because it seems she begins to want to hurt him for merely existing. she already has a history of allowing this black and white thinking to harm those around her,, even those she cares about,, and her own self-destruction turns into destruction of others. too blinded by her own anguish and suffering,, she doesn’t realise her wrongs and that she’s hurting people.

why she likely doesn’t see her mistakes is because she’s been told all her life that she’s dramatic and overreacts. as i said previously the mystreet cast brushes off travis’s harassment and pushes katelyn to be in situations with him. despite what her friends say,, she doesn’t believe that she’s in the wrong to be suspicious of him and stands her ground. but that doesn’t mean their words don’t affect her. her friends’ lack of understanding worsens katelyn’s mental state as she feels misunderstood by her own friends. this leads her to grow suspicious of them and ignore them. at every turn she’s told that’s she overly aggressive and no one attempts to even comfort her or try to understand why she doesn’t like travis.

on one occasion when she displays this distrust she is only met with mockery.

Lucinda: “I assure you it wasn’t any potion I used.”

Mystreet Season 1: Episode 25

on the surface this may not appear that malicious but it’s the fact that this isn’t the first time someone has brushed off katelyn’s concerns is what likely pushed her over the edge. cutting back to when travis first moved in nana does not listen to katelyn and defends him.

Nana: “Katelyn-sama that’s not nice. Travis has a broken heart and needs more chocolate!”

Mystreet Season 1: Episode 15

but despite her seeming hatred for travis katelyn is revealed to actually like him. sprinkled through season 1 and 2 katelyn is shown to have some sweet,, soft moments with travis; moments where her perception alters and it appears that she tolerates at him and at times is even… fond of him.

this is called splitting.

this flip-flopping between hating and loving travis is not due to her discomfort being an ‘act’ or her being ‘dramatic’ instead it is as a result of her own distorted thinking. most of the time she only views travis in absolute negativity and disgust. even when she appears to tolerate to him she treats him coldly and considers him with suspicion.

Travis: “H-Hey Katelyn, these flowers are for you.”

Katelyn: “Oh… thanks.”

Travis: “Y-You looks beautiful….”

Katelyn: “What’s wrong with you?!”

Travis: “Why, can’t a guy be nice?”

Katelyn: “No suggestive remarks? No trying to get close with me? No looking at my butt?”

Mystreet Season 1: Episode 25

however,, as per the nature of splitting,, there are times where she thinks the complete opposite of him. during season two when travis suddenly appears katelyn initially regards him with a lot more care and kindness,, especially after shoving him off from atop a building.

Katelyn: “Travis, you really worried me.”

Mystreet Season 2: Episode 7

this drastic change is a clear indication of splitting and its effects. in a very short amount of time katelyn goes from completely despising him to seemingly harbouring romantic feelings for him. this juxtaposition only confuses travis and worsens their relationship as katelyn continues to stick to her black and white view of him,, without any communication.

this all comes to a climax at the end of season two where travis finally confronts katelyn for her mistreatment of him. travis admits his own faults and puts out a hand to katelyn,, asking for a fresh start between them. all that is left is for katelyn to own up to her mistakes too.

Conclusion

do i think all of this was intentional? no. do i think it’s a justification or excuse for katelyn’s toxic and abuse behaviour? definitely no. am i emotionally drained after writing all of this? yes

hope you enjoyed reading !

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