#or where my head currently is right now'
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me, telling myself to journal: damn that sucks. this sucks. i don't wanna journal. i don't wanna write about my feelings
me, while journaling: damn this rocks. i can just keep going for hours and hours and hours. who tf knew i had this much in my head
#caroline talks#anyways. journaling is great#it often just turns into me going 'i have a story idea rn. anyways this says nothing about who i am as a person#or where my head currently is right now'
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or alternatively dweeb meets other dweeb more news at 11
LIGHT. LIGHT IN HIS EYES. LOOK AT EM BIG OLE EYES. LOOK AT HIM TOUCH HIS JERSEY.
GLORY BE TO THE MIKKSY SIGNED JERSEY RAAAAAAAAA
CanesWear Signing | 7.1.24
#niko mikkola#florida panthers#the mortifying ordeal of being known#you can tell how bad i was shaking from how much the jersey moves in my hands oh it was so serious for me its not even funny#“youre my favourite player thats why” “thank you” girl i would eat concrete for you without any hesitation#“new jersey?” me sweating profusely because i have to admit i had this jersey for a while now in front of his face oh god oh FUCK#“where do you want it? here or here?” “anywhere choose where anywhere” “ill do this way”#behold decision paralysis plus the constitution of a doormat with an awful aim to please vs the assuredness of a bull romping through field#“i mean its your jersey at the end of the day”#he says without thinking because he lacks a brain to mouth filter and immediately wants to slam his head into the nearest hardest object#but its okay it got a little smile out of mikksy so maybe my motor mouth can be used for good#my voice is so hoarse because i stood under for 7 hours and also loudly cheered like never before all throughout those 7 hours yesterday#also a lot of people had tickets for both mikksy and lundy or just lundy so thats why the line was moving slowly#so at one point they went OKAY WHO HAS TICKETS FOR JUST NIKO and i raised my hand like oo oo mee ☝️ and got rushed to the front#also a lot of the stuff he was signing was nonspecific posters and hats or other players jerseys (that already had other signatures on em)#which is why the attendant was like oh sweet jersey! and mikksy was like new jersey? because there werent many people at all#comparatively his signing was priced the lowest at 39 out of all cats players. the highest currently is benny at 60#does it suck his line was shorter. there was surprise when someone toddles in with a mikksy jersey. and that his signing was priced low?#yes ofc but also i didnt have to stand in the heat for long got ushered in faster and my wallet didnt cry so lets not kid ourselves here#there are silver lining to everything but anyways first hockey jersey and first signature on it acquire call that a man on a mission 😎👉👉#long tags i love mikksy i lot you understand right <3#also im never wearing this jersey again so i might as well buy a frame and ANOTHER mikksy jersey#to bad it also has my 30th ani cats patch on it too </3
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Send me good wishes yall. I'm going to try and work on some late work when I get home but I'm chronically bad at doing that without an energy drink but I'm not ready for the impending doom of selling my soul to energy drinks so I can function
Uuhhhhhhhhh I accidentally went on a tangent and there's a whole vent in the tags oopsies
#i already get an energy drink every time on my lunch break at work. but thats partly cause im not too fond of my current job anyways#i dont need perfect grades just. as long as theyre passing i dont care#and are still passing grades after whatverr the finals do to it#im going to a trade school anyways gpa doesnt matter. ive just. QUITE LITERALLY. spent my whole life smacking my head into a desk-#-cause of school. and im so desperate to get my ass outta here. It'll be so much easier cause i will be free from family too#once i get my own place that is. I honest to God would rather sell my soul to two jobs and come home to peace and breathe#than this hell now. being at school is tourment and being at home is tourment. cant wait till im actually HOME. and not some. house.#home is where the dodge challenger that i will sleep in is. home is where the heart is. and my heart isnt anywhere here.#just. one more year. i can get my license at my brithday which is all the way in decemeber but. one more year from now#and I can scrape by and graduate and say adios.#i refuse to acknowledge the scenerio of not making it cause. fuck it we ball or something. am i using that saying right#i already did my time in prison(summer school)#i dont know about yall but summer school was honestly one of the WORST expereinces ive ever been in. horrible.
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ive decided that andoras almost always has crazy makeup and wigs on simply bcus its fun for him. and everin doesnt see him without any of it on until after the birthday party debacle and loses it slightly bcus she thought that was his real hair the whole time wdym youre BALD (hes not bald his hair is just short)
#my post#the wondrous oc tag#madineau#the lore is stored in the tags#world so beautiful. i love making shit up about my ocs#did this partly bcus i wanna include more ridiculous hairstyles in this bcus i realized that i can#and this is perfect for andoras bcus he literally doenst do anything all day anyways. so he just gets up spends half the day gettnig ready#and then spends the rest of it hanging around ev and bothering her#theres a bit of bright colors and markings like aposematism. like watch out hes toxic do not approach#like ev gives a shit though#ANDDDD ive managed to incorporate MOON SYMBOLISM. bcus god what is this story if not just the moon a thousand times over for no reason#(the reason is it was like 2 am i was delirious on sharpie fumes and got really emotional about the moon out of nowhere)#so like when hes first introduced his makeup includes a new moon. new beginnings and all that#during the birthday party hes got a 1st quarter moon. for intention. bcus thats when ev and an get a little normal about each other#and an specifically realizes oh hey. i actually liek this person. and i think she likes me too. i dont want this to ever stop.#smilesss he realizes this while theyre dancing. and ev is laughing and relaxed and SMILING for once and an wishes he could watch that smile#forever...#dreamy sigh. ive had that scene living in my head for years now#i think i came up with that after reading knifetrick. bcus i loved the party scene soooooo much <33#where was i. right moon makeup.#so in the very very very end andoras has a full moon#sealing of intention slash continuing the cycle. because its implied hes gonna overthrow the government and kill the current leaders#thats a big jump from where we just were. bear with me here a lot happens in this story#like the birthday party and that tender moment. is interrupted by the rev squad showing up and trying to convince a crowd of people to#murder ev#which more or less works pretty easily btw. they all just go 'ok bet' as if they werent attending HER party.#its fine its whatever its ok. ev doesnt think theres anyone she can truly trust but she does so anyways and just prays they dont turn on he#bcus the only people she has left in the world are her 2 advisors who hate her and her best friend who also maybe hates her
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I know I know that I’m never gonna make a damn. Fighting game or whatever because I don’t have the skill or patience for that lol BUT these fucking guys in my head...... have been brewing for 5 years
#random post#well like the IDEA has been brewing for that long#the like. character ideas themselves have been an on and off thing#I listened to seraphim on the ring and my adhd ass went ‘MAKE MORE GUYS RIGHT NOW!!!!!!’#oouuggghh fighting game where the fighters are each based around different art styles and genres 😫#the thought has been plagueing me for years. I have never once drawn any of it out#it is currently. only in my head#OUGH I wanna draw it out so baddddd. but if I do then the vision in my head will be forever warped by what my hand creates#andddd uhmm. ‘:) haha scawy...
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their relationship means everything to me
#THE WAY TINA WAS THE ONE WHO HATED SYD THE MOST AND MADE HER LIFE HELL AT FIRST AND TRIED TO GET HER TO QUIT#BUT SYD INSPIRED TINA AND THEY SLOWLY SLOWLY BEGAN TO WORK TOGETHER#AND NOW TINA IS THE FIRST TO ASK SYD IF SHE'S OKAY ON A BAD DAY AND SYD IS THE FIRST TO TRUST IN TINA AND HER SKILL#BAWLING ACTUALLY!!#this show is so genuinely good like i was saying to my mum the other day that this is the first time in so fucking long#where ive watched a new piece of media and it's just genuinely been GOOD. like i find myself pointing out shit that was once a given#in media like 'every single character is given time and depth and purpose and everyone has dynamics with everyone#not just the leads with each other and there's difficult-to-love characters that work hard to grow on you' etc etc#and it's such a shame that the entertainment industry got to such a place where every piece of media currently coming out was just awful#and you'd have to really dig to find something good but i hope with the strikes atm at the very least we're headed in the right direction#and i know this disney show isn't exactly some radical new thing but. idk it's just nice to watch something good again#and get really into something that is generally quite mainstream#the bear
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I've had a stupid merlin au idea stuck in my head for days now and I know I'll never get around to writing it the way I want it written but I kinda wanna try anyway even though I am 100% of the target audience
#it's an f1 au btw#so I feel like a merlin x f1 crossovee is very niche#but I just have this idea in my head pf arthur as a driver and merlin as an aerodynamics engineer#and arthur starts off as an ass (as per usual) and thinks that he's god's gift to motorsports and all his good results are because of his#skill and bad results are because the engineers fucked up bad#and lowkey people don't like working with him BUT uther is giving red bull absolute mega bucks to keep him and he is actually a fantastic#driver in his own right. deep down he's not super satisfied though because people keep saying he's only winning because of his car#and his dad's money which is why he's a grumpy ass to most people and tries to claim good races as his and blame engineers for bad ones#also because uther probably taught him that attitude#in this au I think either Newey didn't exist but rb dominance still did or this is far enough after Newey that I haven't got arthur blaming#him for a bad car because y'all I can't do that it's too unrealistic no one would believe it#(yes I am aware that max and checo are currently complaining about a car newey made but shh)#anyway he secretly goes to sign for like. williams or something who currently suck so he can prove to himself and everyone else that he IS#a good driver and can drive a shit car well. he's admittedly doing fairly well in a tractor when merlin joins the team as the new head#of aerodynamics and arthur is giving him shit because he's so young and how could he possibly fix this shitbox#then Merlin's first big upgrade packages comes and makes a pretty big difference and arthur has to rethink a bit#the next season is the first car that merlin was actually mostly in charge of and it's a massive difference and suddenly it's competitive#meanwhile merlin's pov is that arthur sucks ass and he hates him but he keeps being told that arthur is his destiny#he refuses to believe this though and even though he has magic he point blank refuses to use it on anything that would help arthur even#somewhat indirectly like using it to help design the car. his official reasoning to people who know about his magic is that the fia wouldn't#allow it but personally he also just wants to say a fuck you to fate because he doesn't like arthur. but then they get to know each other#more and he realises that maybe arthur isn't that bad and they become friends like in the show#arthur is leading the championship (pendragon dominance could bore fans) but then he has a big crash and is out for a couple of races#by all accounts it's a miracle he's even alive (it's the only time merlin has used his magic for arthur). when he comes back he still has a#chance at wdc but it's way tighter than it was. maybe there's only a few races to go. he gets some podiums and his competition has some bad#luck (genuine not merlin) or something but then at like the second last race he can guarantee wdc if he wins regardless of where anyone else#places. he does it and merlin is the one to go on the podium with him on behalf of the team (maybe not for winning wdc but just his first#win after the crash idk) and it's this big emptional moment#also morgana was as good as arthur as kids but uther only supported arthur so now she works for sky or someone in a role like nico rosberg
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you know when you're in da overwhelm zone due to Circumstances that you don't really have power over. well it's really hard to deescalate from that i am finding!
HOWEVER i am attempting:
FACING THE THINGS because the longer they loom. the longer they are looming for.
regular breaks from Addressing Everything
regular snacks/meals/drinks
prioritising
postponing stuff that can be left until later (But watch out!)
doing other things in advance that are easy to do now (such as stockpiling meals ready for feeling more ill)
asking for help where i can
#every day i am feeling more unwell in a new way. BUT going to the dr later in the week.#there are other things that need sorting but i can't do them alone so i'm Waiting to get help with them.#i have asked for help (or will do when#circumstances allow) so that's really good! but the waiting.#feeling like i am doing A Bad Job but i think that's just because i'm super 'alone in my house not going out' at the moment due to being#extra ill. and barely talking to people for the same reason. so it's very easy to get stuck in my head where i am only thinking of myself#and therefore only blaming myself because my whole scope is 'dealing with right now (just me)'.#like things are going bad and it feels like that's because of me. but i don't think it is. i'm trying really hard!#which doesn't = doing good. but also like. struggling to see what i should/could do differently with my current resources you know.#ANYWAY. god. it's tuesday. you could say there are some problems. but we stay silly.#and stay facing the problems and gradually working through them!!!#i just wanna have the energy to properly be involved in the lives of the people i care about :( ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!!
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the wind and sea do follow thee /
and all the ledges calling thee...
#em draws stuff#treasure island#squire trelawney#doctor livesey#selkie au#it's been long and long but I've had these two on the brain lately#and because my current fic is un-illustratable for several reasons I decided to pop back over to an old favorite#'peter kagan and the wind' has been my song for calming down lately and it's a very similar vibe to what I want out of the selkie au#it has actually been eight months since I've drawn trelawney and I've decided to change up his design after years and years#liking the new shapes (which I can actually draw well I think)#specifically right where his neck and shoulder meet - it's closer to how he's built in my head than I've ever captured before#and I've been liking the more defined pockmarks that I do on alan so I've decided to bring those over#I'd always intended for some similar stuff texture-wise on trelawney but I wasn't being very confident in it so it was difficult to see#but in the end this is just me splashing all manner of things that I like for these two into one drawing#good saturated purples and my best attempt at those mignola-esque gravestones and a try at capturing how tom harpernovakaine writes them...#this whole thing went through many moments of looking unsalvageable but in the end it is probably one of my best drawings of them#I have a very early livesey drawing stuck to the back of the ol' ipad so it's really cool to hold that up and compare how far I've come#it's been an interesting three years and I think I'm a much more confident artist now!
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I can’t imagine how Taylor must feel about Lover currently. On one hand it’s the first album she owns and marked a fresh start for her. On the other hand the emotional subject matter of most of the album is probably difficult for her to revisit and play right now and this tour is one of her first opportunities to play from it.
#taylor swift#lover#like she was so excited to play it when it first came out she had only a few shows/events where she could play stuff from it#and now when she has the opportunity to play it a lot of it probably feels difficult to revisit and play#I feel bad for her that what it stood for is currently being overshadowed#and same with reputation because that was cathartic and different#I’m sure with time it will get easier for her to revisit but right now it’s raw and very present#it’s got be a weird thing for her to try and grapple with#this is brought to you by me waking up at four with paper rings in my head
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I think if I read enough dunmeshi, a little itty bitty Laios will spawn in my brain to be another voice of my own thoughts.
Like I'll be playing pokemon & poof, he's there, explaining how in pokemon, Effort Values (EVs) are a stat gained from things such as defeating pokemon & using vitamins, correspond to one of the 6 battle stats, being Hp, Atk, Sp. Atk, Def, Sp. Def, & Speed! For every 4 EVs of a single stat, that stat will gain 1 extra point at Lv. 100, of course scaled down at earlier levels so as to not have a nuclear Lv. 7 worm or something! Gen 6 & under, the cap for EVs in a single stat is 3 EVs higher than the optimal 63 point increase at 252 EVs, instead being 255! Only 510 EVs may be distributed among a single pokemon's stats, so reaching that higher cap will waste 4 EVs, plus 2 left over! Though it is a single point, I like to maximize either Atk or Sp. Atk depending on the pokemon & split the remaining 256 EVs, or 64 points, equally into Def & Sp. Def, at 32 points each! In Gen 6, Super Training is a method to easily train & roughly track EVs, either by your pokemon beating punching bags on the bottom screen or completing a minigame of shooting giant balloons of pokemon! Small bags grant 1 EV, medium bags & Lv. 1 balloons grant 4 EVs, Lv. 2 balloons grant 8 EVs, & large bags & Lv. 3 balloons grant 12! Thus, 21 large bags/Lv. 3 balloons will get you 252 EVs for 63 points, & 10 large bags/Lv. 3 balloons plus 1 Lv. 2 balloon will net you 128 EVs for 32 points! Legit I've actually written tallies on my arms about this!
#On one hand I maybe. Maybe should tag this Dunmeshi or Pokemon but also. Dear god this is one fucking doozy of a yap#But but this bitch got a mouth where her mouth should be & big thicc nerd emoji gijinka in her soul so we must YAP!#Pokemon#Dungeon Meshi#Dunmeshi#Tbh I think my current Y replay has been vastly different from ever before because I'm going at it with new knowledge & in different eyes#Like Az is basically Poke-French Oppenheimer methinks. Right?#& I've never played Funger but that 'Fuck it we attack' meme has been in my head this whole time#That's how it feel to unleash my several nuclear Sp. Atk daughters & Gro-goroth (Atk daughter) on my opponents' flimsy little guys#Upon reaching eevee territory I went for sylveon & now Sylvian is my strongest mon I'm pretty sure#Few can withstand her Mass Destruction Deathbeam: Hyper Cutie Moonblast!
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title: Objects in Space (version 2.0) fandom/pairings: Avatar the Last Airbender/Firefly fusion. Zutara, Sukka, Jet/Mai, Toph/Haru rating: M warnings: graphic depictions of violence
a/n: I wrote the original version of this fic on a major manic swing when I was nineteen years old, and in retrospect -- particularly after having rewritten the following two books before posting them -- boy, does it show. I have been meaning to rewrite this thing for, oh, seven or eight years now, and I finally just. Sat down and did that. It's more or less a scene-for-scene rewrite, but there have been a lot of changes and additions, and a couple of deletions, to overall, well, make this a story that wasn't written by a manic teenager. If you liked the original, come check out the new version!
summary: Aang never woke up from the iceberg, and the world went on without him. Over the next three thousand years, technology advanced astronomically, and the people of the overcrowded world took to the stars. Now, the Avatar is an obscure myth, bending is regarded as a relic of a dead past, and only two of the original countries still exist: the Fire Nation, one of the most powerful forces in the Union of Allied Planets, and the Water Tribe, clinging to life on the Outer Rim, still fighting for the dream of independence. The latest civil war ended seven years ago, in a landslide victory for the Alliance.
Katara is a Companion working on Sihnon, and was lucky enough to be picked by the Princess of the Fire Nation to attend to her surly brother, but there's strife in the family that spills over into her life: when she accidentally exposes the princess's plot to kill the Fire Lord, she finds herself in prison for conspiracy, and must call in a favor from an old friend, another Companion who travels the border with a band of thieves. Meanwhile, a man named Sokka is on the hunt for his long-lost sister, Admiral Zhao is on the hunt for an old mark, and a man smuggles a large box onto a transport ship...
read it here!
#zutara#avatar the last airbender#atla#the atla firefly au#fanfiction; mine#*grumbles about the stupid typo in the original title*#now with that ''t'' where it's supposed to be!#*buries head in hands*#and now with the link to the actual fic oh my god#listen in my defense#i am currently sick with something and so i am not braining especially well right now
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ok sorry not to be a hater or a vagueposter or whatever but I think if you do not even live at my house and you invite 8 people over to my house during finals week and they stay at my house talking loudly past midnight you are going to hell forever and ever and ever and ever no matter what
#I'm not even that mad I wouldn't mind having all these people here LITERALLY any other week#but my head hurts so bad and I just want to go to bed but I can't sleep with a bunch of people loudly talking downstairs#also separate gripe but ppl here are talking about their 300 dollar music festival tickets#which is half a months rent for me and I'm gonna be unemployed for like a month so it's pissing me off extra bad rn#and ALSO I'm currently in mourning for my gpa bc I used to be a 4.0 student and I got inducted into two honors societies last semester#but this semester I fucked everything up for myself mostly due to severe burnout and substance abuse issues#hello beautiful followers sorry for oversharing in the tags here it's just so over for me forever right now#BUT also this is the first social event all semester where I've just had 2 drinks instead of like 7 so. small victory I guess
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just watched chaircar adventure. again. biggest smile on my face for seven minutes straight until my cheeks started hurting too much I had to stop and massage it physically. would say a million things about it. me when I'm full of love.
#kommento#// I love masamisan so much I need to kill tohruadachi right now. these statements can coexist btw#// flashes the rest of the vl duology in my head at 7x speed so I can feel everything else at once oh my godd whathe fuck giuys#// I hate gay people oh my god nobody should put me in that theater I would make ten thousand standing ovations and cheer raceously#// I love stageplay so much I started crying when I heard the music no joke man guy who cries to gay manzai skit#// this is the part where I watch it eleven times and nitpick the acting and breathing and character and actor chemistry and cry again#// I miss my gas station so much guys you don't understand <- still crhing#// I need to be a mangaka making promotional material for their manga while it gets adapted into anime and breathe keyart like#// everyday like my life depends on it.cafe collab in my head cmonguys wear the apron put on the fucking cat ears already LET'S GO LET'S GO#// I need to draw ambiguous ink art of people hugging and make every fan in the vicinity doubt the on-going currently releasing plot#// 'are they going to die. are they going to kiss.' I don't know either guys. put this in a daily account without context and a broken link#// you thought this was only about blorbo. im a fucking expert at MACRO thinking bro.#// now imagine if i was the english localization casting director. imagine if I was the merch supervisor. the REAL alternate universes#// I wish I loved media so much I could create with careless abandon again. I have been missing things for months when they're RIGHT THERE#// but they are so distant at the same time. someone hold my hand and watch chair car adventure with me in the same room please. one day.
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So I’ve been given the potential opportunity in a few weeks to either 1) go visit one of my close work friends who moved 2.5 hours away like 6mos ago, but if I do that it means working with her and our other work friend at her store, which means working 12 days straight, 2 of which would be at a store that is absolute insanity, OR 2) I could not do that and instead possibly get last minute Taylor Swift tickets with my best friend and head 2.5 hours in the opposite direction
#I’m stuck on this decision#especially since right now neither is set in stone or definitive in any way#bc we won’t go visit the work friend of our manager can’t let my work friend I currently work with off for that weekend#but also we can’t buy Taylor swift tickets until like the day of the concert#but since my best friend implanted the idea in my head yesterday now I’m like#damn I wanna do that I love going to concerts and I really don’t like the idea of working 12 days straight for a total of something like a#92 or 94 hour paycheck with 12 or 14 of that being overtime#which would be a nice paycheck I’m sure but fuck like I would want to drop dead#I’ve never had to work that many days straight through#I think the longest I’ve done is like maybe 7 or 8 days in a row#but also that’s only ever been at my store where even our busiest days are less busy than the store we’ll be visiting’s average days#BUT I do want to see my friend and help her out because they need help that weekend specifically bc they already know they’re going to be#insanely busy and that makes me want to cry a little like I feel like our store gets busy when I do 50 cars through our drive thru in a#little less than 2 hours but they’re store as far as I last heard does like 500 or 600 cars a day which like fuck#if we go up there and they put me on drive thru like she made it sound like they’re gonna do then I better JUST be working like order taker#OR the window but not both because I will keel over
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Being a herpetologist who works primarily with amphibians is just being pavlov-ed into rain meaning work (albeit the fun type of work that involves seeing and handling slimy little guys)
#ever since my road ecology job whenever it rains I feel like I should be heading out into the field#since we worked every evening we had a day where it rained#and morning#like what do you mean I’m not putting on rain boots right now to go play in the rain and look for herps#my current job is just lab work but the field portion of it we go out regardless of rain or not#like obviously we WANT rain but#when you’re in a tight travel schedule and you’re in a new state every week you kinda have to make do where you can#also I like to say I was a salamander in my best life and I just genuinely enjoy rain so I want to go out a appreciate it<333#anyways rain appreciation post but also herp appreciation post#also I want to go and play in the rain and look for herps appreciation post#herpetology#herpetologist#by yours truly the omelette of cheese#it’s such a beautiful cold and gloomy day today
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