#or when they are literally misunderstood in some way

[krisluxxeeempress]

VENUS SQUARE LILITH SYNASTRY| ASTRO SYNASTRY SERIES

It doesn’t matter what anyone THINKS THEY KNOW ABOUT LILITH. HER MYTHOLOGY IS ABOUT BEING MISUNDERSTOOD, REJECTED AND PROJECTED UPON. THE WAY ANYONE VIEWS LILITH ESPECIALLY IN A SEXUAL MANNER IS BEING VIEWED FROM THE EYES OF ADAM.

ADAM MADE LIES UP ABOUT HER BECAUSE HE WAS NOT ONLY MAD BUT TOXIC AND UNFAIR. LITTLE EVE CAME ALONG AND MOST WOMEN ARE DIRECT REFLECTIONS OF HER WHO BELIEVED THE LIES ADAM SPAT ABOUT LILITH- HIS EX. WHY IS LILITH SEXUALIZED? HER STORY BEGINS AS BEING MARRIED TO ADAM AND LIKE ANY MARRIED COUPLE, ENGAGED IN SEX. WHY IS LILITH SOME SEX CRAZED DEMON WHEREAS, EVE IS PURE. LILITH’S MYTHOLOGY STARTS OFF BEING MISUNDERSTOOD AND SHE WILL REMAIN MISUNDERSTOOD THEREFORE, VENUS SQUARE LILITH SYNASTRY IS ABOUT THE LILITH PERSON BEING MISUNDERSTOOD, HATED AND LIED ON BY THE VENUS PERSON. THIS SYNASTRY REMINDS ME OF SMEAR CAMPAIGNS EX’S TEND TO ENGAGE IN BECAUSE THEY’RE MAD THINGS DIDN’T WORK OUT AND THE LILITH PERSON MORE THAN LIKELY LEAVING THE VENUS PERSON BECAUSE OF PROJECTIONS AND POWER BATTLES (ABUSE). ADAM TRIED TO DOMINATE, rape, and belittle LILTH WHEN THEY WERE MADE EQUAL but somehow all anyone can gather on Lilith is that she’s sexual, a temptress and toxic. It’s a joke.

The venus person in this synastry is the one everyone likes and believes in this instance. Venus rules libra and everyone is obsessed with venus- they all want to hear about venus this and that while completely disregarding how superficial and sexual her energy is. The venus person appears perfect, desired, and highly liked whereas, the Lilith person is disliked, projected upon, and demonized.

So how this would play out is people seeing this couple and automatically feeling the venus person can do better. If venus is the man and the woman is Lilith- I cannot say who gets this worse in comparison to venus being the woman and the man being Lilith. It’s hard to say. Now considering the mythology around Lilith and the lies told by a man and believed by EVERYONE- literally everyone, maybe venus being the man and the woman being Lilith is the harsher dynamic as opposed to the latter. We still live in a patriarchy world where men are worshipped and fought over. So if venus is the man, he will be the aggressor, the liar, cheater, the prize. Meanwhile Lilith being the woman is viewed as everything negative that she is not. People will think they know what the Lilith person is about but be totally wrong, even if they claim to accept the Lilith person. What they’re accepting is still lies just like people who give interpretations on lilith’s energy and they’re still wrong ha.

Anyway, everything negative about the venus person is not seen but projected upon the Lilith person. When the Lilith person tries to speak up, he/she isn’t believed and blamed. This synastry aspect reminds me of venus being the successful and or popular person in school who rapes the Lilith person and Lilith still being blamed for her raping. Because "there is no way the venus person would do that." This is like the venus person being verbally or physically abusive towards the Lilith person in a relationship- but the Lilith person is accused of being aggressive because “ the venus person would never do such a thing”.

Keep in mind this synastry is a square so it’s riddled with challenges and honestly, both parties will have them in different ways especially if this couple wants to be together. The problem the venus person has with the Lilith person is 1) the projections that he/ she created. Example, the venus person will be a liar and then accuse or secretly not believe anything the Lilith person has to say. The venus person will be superficial but view the Lilith person to be superficial. The venus person will be a cheater and assume the Lilith person is a cheater and unable to ever be faithful and so forth. The venus person needs to realize that they are accussing the Lilith person to be everything they are themselves.

Again, venus is about appearances because appearances determine what and who you attract in life. How you appear determines how you’re treated therefore, the venus person does not want to see themselves as a cheater, abuser, emotionally unavailable, immature, a liar, a sex addict, materialistic and or superficial- the list goes on. Until the venus person can see this about themselves, they will continue to project on the Lilith person and projection is a lie, an illusion. Due to the venus person projecting all the time, this prevents the venus and Lilith person to get close because both are on guard. Venus is on guard because he/she doesn’t trust the Lilith person when really the venus person doesn’t trust themselves. As for the Lilith person, he/she is unable to get close to the mars person because 1) venus doesn’t see the truth in them 2) there’s anger with always feeling/ being treated as an untrustworthy person.

(btw anger is really hiding pain) so in this synastry the venus person causes the Lilith person a great pain, but of course, the venus person will want to be the one to appear hurt.

Have you ever been so frustrated to tears? The Lilith person feels this constantly being with the venus person. The Lilith person will be challenged to leave this person which will promote growth in him/her and or, challenged to grow through the toxicity and of constantly being misunderstood and treated as untrustworthy and or as someone with ulterior motves.

The challenge presented for the venus person is to 1) see themselves as they truly are- flaws and all 2) accept their flaws and 3) begin to work through that and change for the better including treating the Lilith person better and seeing them as they truly are. With this synastry aspect alone, I do not see the venus person having the ability to do this as it goes against their nature. If other aspects are implemented, there is hope. But standing alone, I do not think so. with squares comes lessons.

The Lilith person needs to learn to stand up for themselves even if that means in silence. The more you try to explain or prove yourself, the more you lose your power, confidence, and identity. There’s profound power in silence and isolation and the Lilith person will need to learn to leave with no explanation or warning and usually this may trigger the Venus person to see themselves with the help of the sign and house Venus is in-but also including other aspects.

THINK OF IT LIKE THIS. IF SOMEONE IS CLAIMING OR THINKING YOU’RE THE PROBLEM (THE SQUARE), REMOVE YOURSELF. IF THE PROBLEM PERSIST, AND USUALLY IT DOES, IT BECOMES CLEAR WHO AND WHAT THE PROBLEM IS AND WAS.  I KNOW WE CAN ALL RELATE TO THIS IN SOME MANNER. BEING BLAMED FOR SOMETHING OR BEING SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT, REMOVING YOURSELF AND THAT PROBLEM USUALLY PERSIST AND GETS WORSE.

HOW WAS IT EVER YOU IF NOW, YOUR GONE? THAT’S THE PROBLEM WITH MOST PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY ARE REFLECTIONS OF VENUS. VENUS WANTS TO BE SEEN AS PERFECT IN ALL AREAS OF LIFE AND AS AN INDIVIDUAL. BU WHEN YOU COME IN AND POINT OUT A FLAW, MOST WILL DEFLECT AND RESORT TO MAKING UP LIES ABOUT YOU.

MOST WOULD RATHER DIE DEFLECTING THAN TO SEE THEMSELVES AS THE PROBLEM.

IF YOUR'RE SMART, YOU'D KNOW THAT YOU HAVE TO WALK AWAY AND REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THESE TYPE OF PEOPLE, FOR THE PROTECTION OF YOUR PEACE OF MIND. THE LILITH PERSON IS THE UNDERDOG IN THIS SYNASTRY AND THERE WILL BE STRUGGLES STAYING OR GOING BUT A DECISION HAS TO BE MADE. IN THE EVENT THE LILITH PERSON STAYS, HE/SHE MAY BECOME EXACTLY HOW THE VENUS PERSON OR THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ACCUSSED THEM OF BEING IN THE FIRST PLACE.

THIS OCCURS BECAUSE THE LILITH PERSON ISN’T STRONG ENOUGH AND OR READY TO BE LIED ON WITH NO REBUTTAL.

IT’S A VIBE LIKE, “if someone calls me a crackhead, I guess I’m a crackhead. I’m not clearing up shit”. A strong Lilith person will take that approach. A weak Lilith person will become the liar, cheater, alcoholic, sex addict and bad mother everyone accused them of being, eventually because he/she’s backbone has broken. The venus person isn’t stronger than the Lilith person. The venus person just appears so. (emphasis on appears) Think of women, for example, who are genuinely not attractive, and they wear a lot of makeup. That makeup makes them look like a completely different person and they appear attractive but once that makeup comes off, your left sitting there like what the hell?

OR A MAN CAN APPEAR TO BE WEALTHY, ATTRACTIVE AND FRANKLY HAVE THEIR SHIT TOGETHER BUT WHEN YOU GET CLOSE YOU NOTICE HE’S A SLOB, RUDE OR DUMB AS BRICKS.

In conclusion, I do not find this synastry aspect as compatible. Venus is not predisoped to dig deeper or change and the Lilith person will be a punching bag until one day he/she punches back. When Lilith punches back he/she will still be blamed and viewed as the problem.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I purposefully did not mention sexual energy because those who are interested are more than likely a venus type person and the Lilith person deserves better. The Lilith person is not a sex object or whatever else you want to project.

Just accept her energy is misunderstood and always be. Stop making up stories because you don’t like or can't accept the original one.

[solplease]

i've been very excited to post this but here are my ocs haha!! meet lune, cecilia, nox, and aster!

close ups, more info, and a more detailed relationship chart under the cut! this is gonna be a long post haha. there's also some more info about rowan!

cecilia's twin (he's the older twin) ((by two minutes. lol))

the type to go “here to here, i’ll buy it all”

he's got a temper

possessive, devoted, and jealous yandere

people think he's a tad bit insane (and he's self aware mostly,,)

gets into fights often

“want me to kill that guy for you?” (he’s serious btw)

he’s not nice lmao, but to you he is (in his own special way of course..!)

kind of like a cat who will proudly leave dead rats and leaves on your doorstep as a gift bc it thinks you can’t hunt for yourself

hates nox LMFAO

difficult to approach at first but once you get close he won’t ever let you go.

extroverted

LOUD. someone shut him up, this mf does NOT stop yapping bro

annoying as hell and he doesn’t know that lmao

if he absolutely has to, he’ll behave. but it's... odd

constantly needs to be doing something or he’ll get bored lol

has a bit of a sweet tooth (typical)

Bastard (not literally)

played the piano when he was younger with his sister, but he hated playing it

bad terms with his family except for cecilia

huge rebellious streak

shockingly will not kidnap you! everyone already knows you’re his, and he’s yours. and he won’t let anyone get in between you two. yay..!

hates it when you don’t pay attention to him (will absolutely start sulking too)

he’s impulsive but he’s not completely reckless

you probs shouldn’t trust him too much though he has good (????) intentions lol

seems silly (debatable really) but he’s dangerous.

half of the things he says sound like jokes but trust me, he means it. he’d do anything and everything for you, don’t forget!

shockingly pouty and whiny, only in front of you though

him and cecilia have matching bracelets from when they were younger which they both wear to this day

he’s oblivious as fuck, and an idiot

lune's twin (she's younger)

normal (somewhat) ((not really))

sweet and friendly

really likes giving gifts to people she cares about

jumps to conclusion and freaks out easily, but she’s subtle about it

constantly stressed (lune is her brother, so… i get it)

introverted (runs on a social battery)

says things without thinking sometimes

people pleaser

awkward as hell tbh, but it’s really not obvious because she’s good at putting on a front 

kinda has the ”””””princely””””” persona (i didnt know how to describe that better lmao

has abandonment issues

girlfail tbh

hardworking

shes really protective of her loved ones

likes cute things

has issues with her family but still talks to them (lune does NOT)

on really good terms with lune, they’re very close (even though he’s a huge troublemaker that stresses the shit out of her) ((if he fucks around too much she’ll give him a good smack))

packs a good punch

SENSITIVE…

potential yandere? still not too sure if i’ll make her a fully fledged yan but she def has some of the traits lol

her and lune have matching bracelets from when they were younger! (she wears it everyday!)

she doesn’t mean to put on a front it just kinda happens automatically lmao

could kill someone... probably wouldnt tho

used to play the piano with lune, she still plays it now too (as a hobby)

cunning and annoying

def the type to kidnap you

oddly sweet (???)

but also ominous as hell

docile with the one he loves

isolating and manipulative yandere

dislikes lune

nice but you can tell he’s putting up a wall (with strangers and friends)

introverted

wouldn’t put stalking past him tbh

he’s the type that wants to know everything about you.

he has a tough time interacting with others. he feels awkward in social situations

the type to go to a party and spend the whole time petting the cat in the corner (he would not go to the party in the first place tho lmao)

he’s not misunderstood tho, he just can’t socialize and doesn’t really want to

grabs the end of your shirt in an awkward situation (its kinda cute)

takes time to open up, but when he falls for you, his love is so strong, it’s almost overwhelming. so just accept him, alright?

shittiest sleep schedule known to man, like srsly, what is bro doing

this man’s brain probs short circuits every 5 minutes LMFAO go to bed you idiot

really good with his words, very convincing

loves cats

hidden piercings

careful and patient

is really good at taking care of others (but he would only wanna take care of you) you’ll let him, won’t you?

startles easily lol

elf oc

ditzy and kind (to you)

bit of a mean streak (not to you!) 

wants to appear princely in front of you

kinda stupid (a farce but not completely lol)

has a bit of a temper, but nothing too bad

clingy and cunning yandere

two faced

struggles with empathy (he tries, he’s not human, what’s he supposed to do!)

extroverted (?)

he’s really lonely

when he met you for the first time he was absolutely fascinated as he’s never interacted with a human being before!

BLUNT. he’s not used to convos… just give him some time!

at first it was simple curiosity, but that curiosity turned into something… deeper

he was completely alone before this, but now you’re here, and you’re going to stay, right? 

is obsessed with the idea of you staying here with him forever, so why do you keep talking about going home? can’t you stay here? 

but then you bring up the idea of him coming with you, well why didn’t you say that earlier! he's happy to come with you

It takes him some time to grasp certain concepts so please be patient with him, he’s not used to humans

he’s paranoid and hostile to other humans. it’s not fair, he wants all of your attention, so why is everyone trying to take you from him? he doesn’t like that everyone is getting in his way… 

he’s terrified of bugs. will scream incredibly loudly if he sees one lol

he pulled you through a mirror, that’s how you ended up in his land

so if you wanna go back, just ask and he’ll take you! 

gives you jewelry, expensive jewelry. (maybe he’s slipped on a ring before. haha. jk… unless..?)

prefers to stay inside your place because he really doesn’t like people who aren’t you lmao

don’t stray too far from him, okay? he’s always waiting for you

rowan (who i don't have a new drawing of rn </3 sorry!):

he absolutely hates not being a priority, so please don’t ignore him. please? he just wants you to love him.

clingy, devoted, and obsessive yandere

if you don’t reciprocate he might (unknowingly) try to guilt you into liking him back. will appear like a kicked puppy to really sell it (but it’s not an act lol he’s just like this)

at least his intentions are pure! (?????????) but is that better..?

if when (it will happen) you two end up together, he’ll give you the world if you’d asked for it

used to cut his own hair! :D (not great at it tho tbh)

very attentive and will work hard to keep you happy! just don’t forget that you’ll love only each other for the rest of your life. please don’t leave.

has tripped over nothing, will definitely happen again

here's the shitty relationship chart that i rushed </3 its very ugly im sorry HAHA

i really want to clarify that NONE of them will ever hurt you physically on purpose (they might have to pay up for emotional damages tho. they have your best interest in mind ig)

also i would say that they all share some traits like being clingy, devoted, possessive, obsessive, jealous, protective, and loyal. but if i specifically wrote it, it's probs just a bit more intense... just a bit,,, haha...

[itsawhumpsideblog]

The Safehouse, pt. 20

CW: for institutionalized slavery, mentions of abuse, treatment of people as things, broken bones and treatment of same

Advice from the Box Boy Liberation Movement:

Especially at first, rescuees see the world exclusively through the lens of their training. You will need to develop the habit of being extremely careful in your wording choices. Words like "good" or "better" are often misunderstood, because rescuees are accustomed to having these terms applied only to their behavior. Saying things like, "feel better" implies, in their understanding, that there is a correct way to feel and they have failed to achieve this standard. Instead, focus on speaking literally and clearly, using wording like, "I hope you're feeling well" or "We are giving you this medicine so that your body can heal."

It wasn't rough right away- certainly no more difficult than anyone's recovery from such a surgery would be. Mikey napped on the couch, his left arm in its cast sticking straight up in the air, while Angie and Tim began dinner. It was an excuse for them to speak privately under cover of the noise.

"We can get him through a couple of days," Tim said, "But he's going to need stronger painkillers than we can get over the counter and I have no idea where those are going to come from."

"We'll ask our contacts when we call tonight. We owe them a check-in about the surgery." Angie tried to sound confident, but she knew as well as Tim did that even their Network contacts could not work magic.

"Yeah, maybe they'll have some ideas." Tim sighed and went back to chopping vegetables. When they were done, he brushed them into the pan with unnecessary force and pushed them anxiously around.

"It'll be okay," Angie said, patting Tim's shoulder. "One way or another- he'll get through this. And we'll help."

"Sure, but-" Another sigh. "Being here was supposed to mean he won't suffer anymore."

"I know. I don't like it, either. But we're going to do our best. Only thing we can do."

Tim nodded and they finished the cooking in silence, saving their energy so that they could put on cheerful faces for the rescuees.

Nathan seemed to notice that something was wrong. He raised an eyebrow at Angie when she handed him his plate, but she just shook her head.

Later, she mouthed and he nodded and tried to even out his expression.

"Hey, buddy," he said gently, reaching over to rub Mikey's shoulder. "You want to eat? Angie's got dinner for you- she'll help you, or I can if you want."

Mikey surfaced from the kind of deep, dreamless sleep that could have been either the last of the anesthesia wearing off or the beginning of the deep exhaustion that meant his body was trying to heal. He took a deep breath, pulling air down into his lungs, and tried to remember what had happened.

His hands looked funny. One of them was wrapped in something hard and blue- a cast. Mikey turned his head very slowly and traced it along his arm and up to his shoulder, where it seemed to stop. When he tried to wiggle his fingers, they didn't want to move. The other hand was wrapped up in bandages that looked like a mitten, except for his fingers peeping out the top. He held this arm up closer to his eyes, inspecting it. He tried to turn it, to look at the palm, but hot pain shot up his arm and he lowered it back to his abdomen, cradling the arm, and tried to rock back and forth to soothe his racing mind, if not the pain in his hand. Sometimes the rocking helped him calm down when he wanted to cry. Master didn't like it when he cried.

Had he been crying? Was that why he was being punished like this? Maybe he had done something Master had said not to and that was why his hands had to be hurt and bound up, so that he couldn't do it again. Maybe Master had to hurt his hands to teach him this lesson. He tried to remember what the lesson was, so he could be better next time and Master wouldn't have to hurt him.

Mikey's lip was trembling and Nathan reached out again, gently rubbing the good shoulder.

"Hey buddy," he said again, "You're okay. You're just waking up. It's fine."

Mikey knew that voice. That was the indoor pet, who was kind to him. He could trust that voice, and it was telling him that he was safe. He blinked his eyes and the room faded into view. There was Nathan, smiling at him in a worried sort of way. And Mistress, holding a plate with steam rising from it. He sighed in relief.

"That's better," Mistress was saying in a cheerful voice. Her voice was always like that. She was kind. She had put a belt on him in the car, but she had worn one, too, as if they weren't so different.

"Now, I know you might not be too hungry yet, but if you can, try to eat at least a little. Your body needs the energy so you can start to get well," Angie explained. Mikey nodded a little vaguely and opened his mouth, looking rather like a baby bird. Angie fed him and nodded reassuringly at Nathan, who sighed in relief and turned to his own meal.

Across the room, Tim had helped Francis sit up and prop himself against the side of the couch. He blinked sleepily and stared at his meal for a few moments before reaching slowly for the fork and beginning to eat, one small bite at a time. Francis didn't need help with the act of eating, but Tim stayed by him for encouragement. Francis made it halfway through the meal before he set his fork down wearily and closed his eyes, curling up into the couch.

Tim performed the usual cursory check of Francis' forehead and smoothed his hair.

"It's been a long day, hasn't it?" he said. Because it would have required him to express an opinion, Francis didn't answer. "All that worrying about Mikey was rough on you," Tim went on. "I think it'll be early to bed for everyone tonight. Me included."

Francis felt that some response was required and he nodded wordlessly.

"What time is it?" Tim asked.

"Almost 8," Angie replied. "But as early as we were up, I don't think I'll have any trouble sleeping." She caught Tim's eye and gestured to Nathan with a questioning look. Tim nodded.

"Why don't we go ahead and put these two to bed?" he suggested and Nathan could hear in his tone that Angie's "later" was probably imminent. "Then we'll come back and help you," Tim added. Nathan's palms started to sweat. He hoped Francis and Mikey didn't notice this change in routine that clearly signaled they were being left out of something.

But they seemed not to and perhaps that was not surprising. Francis seemed limp in Tim's arms as he was scooped off the couch and when Tim came back to help Angie get Mikey upstairs, Mikey was staring tiredly into the middle distance and swaying as they helped him walk.

Nathan could hear footsteps above his head and the murmuring of voices that were just slightly too far away to make out the words. The light in the front hallway dimmed as two sets of footsteps came down the stairs and turned off the light in the upstairs hallway, and finally Angie and Tim sat down on the couches.

"What a day," Angie said to nobody in particular. Nathan had noticed that they were a little different when Francis and Mikey weren't around. They were less careful in their speech and... he searched for a way to characterize their behavior. It was less determinedly cheerful, perhaps. Not less kind- the kindness seemed to be completely genuine- but there was less intention behind their smiles. They even complained sometimes, or bickered companionably. Tim had once told Nathan that they had never met before coming to the safehouse, but it was clear that the two of them had become fast and true friends.

"What's going on?" Nathan asked, looking from one of them to the other.

"Everything's going to be okay," Tim said, which wasn't an answer and also wasn't terribly comforting.

"But?" Nathan prompted him.

"The hospital didn't give Mikey enough pain medication," Angie said bluntly. "Not on purpose- they can't take more than a certain amount before they'll get caught. But the upshot is, he won't have enough."

"I'm going to try to get some more," Tim put in. "We have to call our contacts tonight and check in, so I can ask. But even if they can get it for us, it's not going to be right away."

"Shit."

"Yeah," Angie agreed. "It's gonna be shit."

"Poor Mike," Nathan said. He remembered how his leg had felt, before they had gotten him to the doctor, when he was en route for delivery and there had been a speed bump, or rumble strips. He winced just thinking about it and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"There's not much to do," Tim went on. "Except figure out how to ration it and do everything we can to get him some more. I think... we should probably prioritize nighttime, so he can get some sleep. If we have to, we could go light on it in the mornings and just give him a ton of over-the-counter meds. Then the prescription stuff to get him settled down for at least one good meal and sleep."

"But first we're making that phone call," Angie said.

"Sure. Maybe they'll be able to help."

"Anything I can do?" Nathan asked.

"Not really." Tim shook his head. Angie added, "I just thought you should know. Since you guys are so close."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"We're going to try. I don't know if he'll understand," her voice faltered slightly. "Or if he'll be able to believe us. But he should know, I guess. He has the right to."

"Agreed." Tim didn't sound any happier about it.

"He'll probably think he's being punished," Nathan said gloomily. Tim and Angie just nodded and Nathan sighed. "Well, I'll try to help you explain it to him, if I can. Thanks for letting me know."

Next Time: A very difficult day for the whole house.

Master List

Notes: Shortish, but I've missed writing this.

Tag list: @pigeonwhumps, @cepheusgalaxy, @i-eat-worlds

@honeycollectswhump @taterswhump, @starfields08000

@whumpsday, @fruitypinapple00, @currentlyinthesprial

[hugs-are-good-for-you]

I think it's telling that the stepmother is cruel of her own volition. It's interesting to me that Brennan introduced the slightest bit of sympathy and the immediate reaction for some people is god forbid women do anything, but she didn't really change. This is the only character outside of the Authors that has any, what could be argued, true agency since she's outside a story. She's been pulled beyond the narrative and is able to not just move within the story or between the stories, but change them outside of it. And her first independent choice was to do exactly the same kind of thing she always had. One can argue here that she's been conditioned into it and to an extent that's fair, but she's also a grown woman who had the option to improve the story and is responsible for her choices. She could have chosen kindness. She was literally told, "The more cruel you were to her, the more we liked her." Option there is easy. No one likes Cinderella if she's just the least favored, but still well-treated daughter of a widower. But no. Instead, she abandons the only true form of love she had for her daughters and potentially her husband(s) and eats them for power. And the reason there is probably something like, "They're not real people, but I can make them real." Or "This is for their own good, because I can make a better story for my daughters," but as we've learned from the players already, no two stories are the same. The people are different, no matter what the Authors intended. So she will never have her daughters again and that's on her. She's cruel and manipulative and altogether nasty in an interesting but not fun way and those are her choices alone.

[quietwingsinthesky]

Do you agree w/ the fandom interpretation that john was so homophobic he’d have beaten up and abandoned his sons for being gay? Cause sure, he grew up in the 60s as a mechanic and then later became a marine during the vietnam war, but i also don’t think homophobia would’ve necessarily been a priority for him? Like obviously he’s not gonna be the full on supportive and politically correct loving dad, but i think that the fandom’s general opinion on that is pretty warped by people’s relationships w/ their own fathers

I do think this is one place where people tend to project. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that; working out our issues through fiction is healthy and good! I don’t think there’s any canon proof of it beyond, as you said, him being a marine from the sixties who would probably not be super knowledgeable about being queer, maybe a little apprehensive about it from what he’s absorbed through the culture he grew up in. I think we’d be correct to point out that if Sam or Dean were queer, he might be uncomfortable about it, he might try to avoid the topic, which is in of itself hurtful.

The thing about me is: I fully disagree that John was ever physically abusive towards his kids. At most, I will bend this interpretation to say he was probably too harsh on them while teaching them to fight and that maybe he and Sam have traded blows before when arguments got too loud (by blows, I mean, probably shoving with the yelling, you know, assertion of physical space. It seems realistic to me that two people who have been using violence for a long time to protect themselves, and for John, his family, down to the hierarchal power he’s put in place of him -> Dean -> Sam, would resort to it when things got too heated.)

(I also think that sometimes fandom’s insistence that John had to be physically abusive can sometimes get a little insulting because it perpetuates the idea that emotional abuse does less harm and can be overlooked and for flattening out John’s character in a way the show very literally pointed to and said He Did Not Do That. This is the entire point of Max’s episode in s1, for the show to point out that their experiences of abuse were different. How well it was handled is arguable, but I take it as clear evidence that when we talk about John’s relationship with his sons, the focus should be on the emotional abuse, the codependency he developed with Dean from a very young age, his neglect of them both, his attempts to suppress Sam, etc. And I appreciate this about the show, because you can’t talk about any of those things without also talking about why they’re happening, why John thinks this is necessary, how he loves his sons and isolates them to protect them and ends up doing more and more damage that will never leave them through their entire lives.

I’m sure there’s depictions of John being physically abusive that handle it with the same amount of nuance that the show handles him being emotionally abusive in canon. I have not seen them, unfortunately. I’ve seen John being physically abusive 90% of the time just being used as shorthand for him being Bad and Evil and A Terrible Father. Which does not interest me. So I will remain here as a staunch defender of He Would Not Fucking Hit His Kids.)

Sorry, okay, we got off topic there this is about gay shit.

The point of All Of That was for me to be able to say, John’s not going to react to his sons being queer by beating them. He’s definitely not going to abandon them. Hello? John Winchester? Abandon his kids? John Winchester, the guy who has been keeping them in warded up motel rooms their whole lives and moving them across the country out of paranoia the demon who killed his wife could find them if they say anywhere too long? John Winchester who only trusted one or two people to ever look after his sons when he went on a hunting trip too long? We think that John would ditch his kid because they’re queer???

Like I said, I think the most realistic reaction for John, (if not just flat out him going ‘that’s fine, now load this gun while I time you because that’s more important for me to know that you can do’, because. He kind of has bigger priorities to worry about here. Like werewolves.) would be discomfort and pushing it out of his view, ignoring it. Which would still fucking hurt! And would have horrible effects on Sam and Dean both, would encourage Dean to repress it if he thinks his dad is ashamed of him, would push Sam away if he trusts John with this fact about himself and can’t be accepted easily.

I just think this is truer to John’s character.

Anyway. If nothing else here persuades anyone reading that John Would Not Fucking Do That, well. He thought his kid was demonspawn, remember? He thought Sam was corrupted and might not be able to be saved. I don’t think you can get more clear queercoding than that, and you know what John’s very telling response was to that information, to finding out something a thousand times more terrifying than Sam being gay ever could be? To refuse to look at it. To insist to himself that whatever Hell wanted with Sam, he wouldn’t let it happen. To tell Dean to take care of it, because even when John is certain that his son might literally become a demon, he could never bring himself to pull the trigger on him. Because he loves Sam.

So like. He literally would not do anything for the much smaller realization that Sam is gay. His son has demon blood that might turn him super evil, and John still wouldn’t hurt him.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, I try to keep the fact that John loved his sons at the forefront of my mind when I’m writing stuff about him, because I think if you let that slide out of your head, you can very easily make him much worse, much more flat than he was in canon. The real picture of him is just an extremely flawed man in a terrible situation who fucks up his kids as much as he protects them.

And also he wouldn’t care about them being gay because JohnAzazel real and true and they fucked sloppy in that hospital basement-

[starphobe]

fh fandom back to wishing death on a fictional teenager for being mentally ill and not learning how to cope with that in a healthy way. what else is new

[lightningwaters]

[mxactivist]

Support the BBC for having a trans character in recent episodes of 'Doctor Who'

Apparently the BBC (UK) has had 144 complaints about a recent episode of Doctor Who because it contained an openly trans character.

I've made a complaint to the BBC that there weren't enough transgender characters in Doctor Who. I would love if 144 other people did the same thing. Here's the link: https://www.bbc.co.uk/contact/complaints/make-a-complaint/#/Complaint

(For your easy reference: "The Star Beast" aired on 25/11/2023 on BBC One, and the trans character is called Rose.)

Please note that the complaint form asks for your UK postcode, so only UK folks can join in with this - but if you suspect you might have any UK-based followers, maybe give us a reblog to boost the signal?

Edit: I'm told that you can fill in the form even if you're outside of the UK, because the BBC provide service to many countries other than the UK, including the USA! Go for it. :D

Reply to confirm that you've done it, so I can keep a count!

Here's my complaint:

I recommend:

Avoid sarcasm or irony. Assume your post will be taken literally. If you are clearly joking or being mean you will be ignored or misunderstood.

Include some gratitude/appreciation. It's pretty great that they included a trans woman in a positive way, and they should know that they have explicit support for that.

~

Edit again: I'm seeing some concerns in the replies/reblogs that the BBC might not distinguish between "less trans people, please" complaints and "more trans people, please" complaints. Rest assured, this is nothing to worry about - the BBC publish fortnightly complaint reports, and they do pay enough attention to know when a complaint is in favour of or against trans inclusion. In fact, their 20 November – 3 December 2023 report is where the various news articles are getting the 144 complaints figure; that report says there were precisely 144 complaints that they have categorised as "Anti-male / inappropriate inclusion of transgender character".

That means the next complaints fortnight window is 4 December - 17 December. We have 8 more days to beat 144. By my count, over Tumblr, WhatsApp, the Fediverse and Telegram, we have 85 so far, which is well over halfway there.

Also, when you've done it, please reply to confirm you have done it, so that I can count us!

Thank you, everyone!

~

Edit, 2023-12-11, 1am UK time:

We did it! I've just been counting up responses, and it looks like sometime yesterday evening we hit 144 complaints/comments in favour of Rose Noble and more excellent trans characters in Doctor Who! (We're actually up to 157 now, fantastic.)

So, my next plan is to submit a Freedom of Information Act request to the BBC sometime in the next few days, asking for complaints and compliments figures. Then I'd ideally (energy and time permitting) like to put together a press release that I can send out to the publications that promoted the tiny "144 anti-trans complaints" figure, showing them that there has been far more feedback in favour of trans representation than against.

I'll keep you posted.

[sgkjd]

thank god for long time friends. i forgot what it feels like to have my sentences, jokes, tone (or lack there of) be interpreted the way i intended.

[taffywabbit]

I finally watched breaking bad (all within the past week or so while I worked, finished it and watched el camino last night) and I'm confident this isn't a new thought I'm expressing or anything but genuinely how DID an entire generation of dudes convince themselves Walter White was cool and admirable and intended to be sympathetic. I know ppl just lack media literacy sometimes but I'm still so confused

I don't think I've EVER watched a piece of media that so blatantly depicts a guy making the worst possible decisions at every turn and having his life ruined for it and not being redeemed or made sympathetic in any significant or lasting way. the kinds of justifications villains USUALLY give that make people consider them "morally grey" or "tragic" or whatever (everything I did was for my loved ones, I did what I had to to survive, once I was in this I couldn't get out, I just needed you to trust me so I could keep you safe, etc etc) is ALWAYS framed as complete self-serving bullshit when Walt says it, and one of the only shreds of personal growth he ever exhibits in the whole series is when he finally fucking admits that. every time he does something even remotely cool or drops a quotable one-liner, something terrible immediately happens that makes everything worse and makes him look like an unreasonable idiot asshole again. by the end of the series the ONLY characters they can still contrast as being morally "worse" than him are literally a bunch of bloodthirsty neonazis who kept a guy in a cage for several months. this show is practically SCREAMING at you the entire time not to admire Walt. why did every dude I knew in highschool have his face on tshirts and Facebook pfps.

I just don't get it. at least with The Dark Knight's Joker it was like, a feature-length movie and that's it. you spend a lot less time with the Joker and it has a lot less time to delve into his motivations, so there's way more room for flanderization and misinterpretation as people extrapolate the few cool/interesting/sad things they saw into a whole nuanced misunderstood guy in their heads and online. Walter White has 5 seasons' worth of 45min episodes to convince you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is a miserable fucking loser who ruins everything he touches because of greed and selfishness. if you weren't watching it for that, what WERE you getting out of this. what DID you think this show was about. am I just missing some key piece of context from 2012 or whatever that would help me understand this

[wearenotjustnumbers2]

Hello, a little rant here. I don't know whether people are becoming insensitive or I'm just taking things very seriously these times, but I beg of you, when I post about an update on the situation in Gaza, or about a lost life or any piece of news that is most likely horrifying and heartbreaking, do not repost or reblog with "yikes" or "real bullshit" or whatever goes in the same line. It just makes it seem so trivial when in fact it's world-shattering. Not to mention the horrible edits I see on Instagram/tiktok.

I literally came across an "Instagram reel" of my friend's UNCLE (who lost three of his kids, and was saying his goodbyes while they were in body bags), it was edited into a reel, with the effects and changing colors and the trending sound of the song "daylight by David kushner". I was speechless.

I know people show their solidarity differently, I know this. Especially through music, I've literally been listening to Samer songs as well as "Telk Qadieah", etc. But the edit I saw was way too much. I don't know how to explain it, because I've seen many reels of Palestinians in Gaza grieving and I thought it's important to share them but this one is different. It was like the edits you'd make for characters from a TV show or movie that died or had a sad storyline.

I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting but I genuinely feel like I'm going crazy. With everything going on and how it seems like some people are living in a parallel world rn.

I hope I don't get misunderstood, I'm not talking about the general clips with sometimes sad songs on them, I'm talking about certain edits the people started to make that are so weird and insensitive. Like the people they're editing aren't real, like they're some entertainment material.

[just-jordie-things]

try to understand - inumaki toge

word count: 15k warnings: swearing, canon typical violence, some canon divergence (toge still has one arm, most characters are a teacher at jujutsu tech) unedited leave me alone maybe i'll do it later summary: being misunderstood isn't new for inumaki toge. but when the girl he'd had a crush on since he was a teenager makes a reappearance in his life, he realizes he'd really, really like for her to understand him. more info: miscommunication trope bcuz it's toge... he's just a pining romantic !! strangers -> slight enemies -> reluctant friends -> lovers. reader is a feelings-blind, emotionally constipated lil idiot <3

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆｡⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

The Jujutsu Tech Exchange Event was stress inducing enough.  Being evaluated by the higher ups and pitted against peers in a test of cursed ability and strength put a lot of pressure on those who participated.  

Not that participation was ever a choice.

And to be honest, if it was a volunteer event, (y/n) would have some serious thinking to do.

It wasn’t that she doubted her abilities as a sorcerer.  She had all the confidence in the world with her mastered ability, but sometimes the weight of being a jujutsu sorcerer was so heavy she couldn’t even be sure it was the right path for her.

But it had to be, right? With her skill being more akin to raw talent, sorcery coming as natural to her as breathing, it must be what she was meant for, it just made sense like that.

So most days, she woke up, shook off the empty feeling of longing on her mind, and got right to work.  Whether it was training, studying, or a bright and early assignment, she stayed on top of things.  She couldn’t let a feeling slow her down, and she didn’t.

Still, she wished she could feel what her peers do.  Because whatever it was, Mai and Todo made it look pretty exhilarating.

Miwa, Mechamaru, Momo, and Noritoshi didn’t seem as interested in antagonizing the Tokyo students either, but they were content hanging out with the snacks they’d gotten from the vending machines without picking any fights.  (y/n) sat with them, slowly sipping on the fruity drink she’d gotten for herself in the hopes that it would gear her up for the event.

“Looks like things are heating up” Miwa says, her neck craning to get a better glimpse at what was going on between the noisy students.  It didn’t take a genius to know exactly what was going on, though.

Mai and Todo being their usual selves, that is.  (y/n) didn’t bother trying to watch the scene unfold.  Instead she just slumped further down into the grass.  If only she could sink underneath it, too.

“Should we intervene?” Momo asks, but she doesn’t seem any more interested in (y/n).  Laid back on her broom with her hands behind her head, she was the image of disinterest.

There wasn’t a chance (y/n) was getting involved in any of this.  The only thing she had her sights set on was a solid nap after today’s event was over.

The event itself was the same as last year… and every year before that.  A bunch of egotistical sorcerers running around in the woods, eac trying to exorcize more curses than the last.  Of course, these last couple of times had more of an edge to them than usual.  With Mai always gunning for her sister- literally- there was an added layer of bloodlust.  And god forbid Todo found any of his opponents boring.  He’d take all the ‘friendly’ out of friendly competition.

Perched in a spot she wouldn’t call great for hiding but she didn’t necessarily care, (y/n) had her chin in her hand to keep her head up.  She’d fall asleep right there if she could.  A part of her wished that Tokyo’s Special Grade Okkotsu Yuuta would show up, just to put this whole silly thing to an end as quickly as he did last year.  Her peers weren’t so happy about him, or Rika, being involved in the Exchange Event, but that day he was (y/n’s) hero.

Lazily, her eyes swept over the area below her.  No one had ventured this way since she’d climbed this tree, and if she was lucky, she might be able to sit here until the whole thing was over.  She could only dream.

But all good things must come to an end, and soon enough the unmistakable sound of footsteps came running towards her tree.  She perked up, just a little, and only because it was a surprise that whoever was rushing into her neck of the woods clearly wasn’t doing so with the intention of going unnoticed.

Swinging her legs a bit, (y/n) peeked down below her, trying to catch a good look at who it was.  Surely not one of her peers, they had to be a Tokyo student.

Sure enough, an unfamiliar head of blonde hair came bounding into the clearing just below her tree.  Of the Tokyo students she was familiar with- Maki, Panda, Fushiguro, and she supposed Yuuta- this wasn’t one of them.  So she played it safe by remaining silent.

It crosses her mind that any of her fellow sorcerers would’ve taken this chance to go head to head with their abilities. They’d probably think she was wasting an opportunity by letting this boy run by without a fight.  The thought doesn’t linger long.  She’s not bothered much by what others might think of her.  She knows that if she wanted to, she could take any sorcerer on in a fight.  She just… didn’t care much to use her cursed technique where it wasn’t necessary.

At first all she can see is the blonde hair.  He seems to hesitate once in the clearing, doing a quick sweep to make sure there wasn’t another sorcerer hiding amongst the brush.  (y/n) holds her breath, but not once does he lift his head to check amongst the trees.  She’s in the clear.

From the little bit that he looks around himself, she notices that his uniform includes a tall black collar which covers the bottom half of his face.

It doesn’t take much else to put two and two together.  This was the Cursed Speech user she’d been warned about.  From the Inumaki Clan.  She holds her breath once more.

Mai had told her long winded and horrific things about the Inumaki Clan.  Stories similar scary tales told around the campfire.  Except they were all cramped up in the car that brought them to Tokyo.  If it was a scare tactic to keep everyone away from Tokyo’s Cursed Speech user, (y/n) couldn’t say it was all that fear inducing.

That doesn’t mean she didn’t have her curiosities.

“Jump down” 

It was an experience like no other.  Any thought on her mind was erased.  Her held breath was expelled just as quickly as she was releasing her secure hold on the branch, and before she knew it she was leaping right off, without a care for being noticed.  Had she been less experienced in acrobatics, she might’ve sprained an ankle from the ten foot drop.  Lucky her that a lifetime of training meant she landed as gracefully as she would’ve had she jumped on her own volition.

And it was quick too- just as soon as she’d realized the hold that Cursed Speech had on her, she was already free of it’s effects and was level headed again.  At least enough to take a step backwards to put some distance between herself and the Tokyo student who’d caught her red handed.

However she quickly noticed that the Inumaki boy wasn’t in an offensive stance.  He wasn’t really in any stance at all- he just stood there, watching her with seemingly the same amount of curiosity as she watched him.

(y/n) doesn’t mean any offense, but it’s hard not to stare.  With a collar hiding the lower half of his face, his eyes felt all the more piercing.  As if he had full access to her mind whether he spoke or not.

Using her own cursed technique crosses her mind, but it’s a distant thought, as if the competition at play isn’t happening at all.

She’s not sure she’s ever met anyone with such deep violet eyes before.

It’s ridiculous to wait for him to say something.  But she stands there with more impatience than she’s ever felt before.

“Aren’t you going to knock me out or something?” She asks when she realizes he’s still just going to stand there.

Inumaki blinks, mabe pondering it for a moment, before he shrugs.  (y/n) hardly knows what to do with that, and despite knowing he’s not going to give her any proper explanation, she still seems to wait for something more than a shrug.

So with a careful eye she steps back a little further, just to see if he’d make any move on removing her from the game.  But no matter how many small steps she took, Inumaki didn’t move.  He barely seemed to care.  Didn’t he know he had the unbeatable technique? If he wanted to, he could put her to sleep right now.

With one last glance, (y/n) finally turned and booked it towards the thickest bundle of trees with the most coverage.  It was clear that he wasn’t going to attack her, and it shouldn’t have surprised her that he didn’t seem to be following after her either.  What was his deal? What was Tokyo’s strategy if it wasn’t wiping out the competition? She couldn’t make any sense of it, so for now she’d just have to find a new spot to hide out until the event was over.  Or became more interesting.

It never really crossed her mind that she hadn’t tried to attack him, either.

The event did get more interesting.  Although it wasn’t an exciting turn, (y/n) did find herself suddenly thrown into engaging herself.

How curses and curse users managed to get through the barrier around Jujutsu Tech, she didn’t understand.  Critical thinking however was out the window as soon as that Special Grade Tree showed up.

With a less than formal introduction to Itadori, she found herself wrapped up with him and Todo.  Perhaps the last place she wanted to be- she hated the dizzying effect of his cursed technique- but it was where she found herself.  So she gave it her all, even when the turn for the worst took a detour towards chaos.

It was a strange feeling though, in the thick of the fight and expecting the worst, there was finally a spark within her.  Something buzzing like static electricity was starting to take form.  A small zap at first, an eagerness to play on the offense, and it seemed the more she chased that electric buzz, the more it grew.  There was no denying that something had changed in her demeanor- the others could see it in the way she stopped pulling her punches.  That’s not to mention the grin on her face growing more unhinged like a snarl with every move she made.

That little buzz had ignited into an all out fire, and soon she grew blind to everything but the fight.

Was this passion? Was this finally her eye opening moment to the pleasure of knowing and loving what she’s meant to do? The thoughts were muddled amongst the overwhelming urge to finish this off, to exorcize, to win.  She’s never felt a desire this strong, never sought out a victory quite like this, and it was just barely out of reach, right at the tips of her fingers- 

“Run away!” 

And just as (y/n’s)cursed energy began to materialize around her hands, it was disappearing.  Her body swiveled on it’s own accord, facing her in the other direction and pumping her legs into the motion of running all before she could process that this wasn’t her own doing.  It was cursed speech.  Again.

Her deranged grin fell into a sour grimace as she found herself full sprinting towards the other side of campus, other sorcerers in tow feeling just as useless as they were forced away from the fight.

What was once a burning passion turned into a bitter cold resentment.  All she could think as she ran away from the fight was how dare Inumaki dismiss her? The bitterness in her mood only festered the more she grew to blame him for sending her away.

The next time their paths cross, she’d make sure to give him a piece of her mind.

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆｡⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ 5 YEARS LATER  ⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆｡⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

Coming back to Jujutsu Tech Tokyo wasn’t exactly a choice (y/n) would have made for herself, she could admit that.

She’d never wanted to become a teacher.  The idea of continuing the cycle of turning young people into jujutsu sorcerers made her stomach knot.  So no matter how persistent the Kyoto and Tokyo branches were- she wanted nothing to do with it.  She’d continue her own work- privately- exorcizing curses for a living, but she swore she’d bite the curb before getting involved any further than that.

Curb, meet (y/n).

Standing outside the grand double doors that was the main entrance to the Tokyo school, she couldn’t help but let her shoulders sink.  Since graduating a few years ago and entering the real world as an adult, (y/n) had spent most of her time alone.  Living alone, working alone- she’d quickly learned it was the only way to be when you’re a jujutsu sorcerer.  Letting people in was a risk, getting attached to someone was a risk, it felt like it was just easier to function as a singular unit.  No one to look out for but herself.

The doors opened before she could even knock.  Before she even gave turning around and disappearing a second thought.

“(y/l/n)!” 

Itadori Yuji was just as she remembered him.  So outgoing it would be inappropriate if he wasn’t completely genuine.  With a large grin he ushered her inside, his mouth running a hundred miles a minute, going on about how long it had been, how she was doing, how he was doing, how happy he was to see her in Tokyo.

“I mean, it’s been what, five years? You look great! Here follow me, the others are waiting just down here…” 

It’s only then that she finally finds her voice and cuts off his eager rambling.

“Others?” She repeats the word her mind had caught onto.  “I thought this was a quick in and out sort of thing” 

Yuji could be dense at times, but he didn’t miss the way her eyes narrowed on him with an accusatory glare behind them.  So with a smile that seemed more sheepish than reassuring, he waved his hand in a dismissive manner and blew a raspberry.  (y/n’s) expression didn’t waver.

“In and out, two weeks, it’s all relative, right?” He joked, and now she’s gaping at him with widened eyes that seemed all the more upset.

“Two weeks?” Her voice raises just a little, not enough to yell, but enough that her exasperation was evident.  “Itadori, you said you just needed a bit of a fill in, two weeks is not a fill in!” 

He’s walking faster down the hall, not that it was difficult for (y/n) to keep up with him.  Two pairs of loafers clicking loudly and quickly against the tile, they almost looked like they were playing a game of chase.

“My hands are tied here, it’s really not up to-” 

Just as Itadori lifts his hands in mock surrender, he’s frozen in place, a familiar energy coursing through his body that keeps him stuck like a statue.

(y/n) finally gets in front of him, with her hands encased in cursed energy and a scowl on her face.

“You’re being dodgy,” She states, eyeing the way he clearly tries to fight her cursed technique to no avail.  “Why do you really need me here for two weeks?” 

When she’d gotten a call from an unknown number a few days ago, she hadn’t expected to hear Itadori Yuji.  She also hadn’t expected to hear him reaching out for help, backup as he called it.  “It’ll be so quick, in and out!” He’d promised.  “And then you can go home and I won’t bother you again!” 

Why she’d actually agreed to fly out to Tokyo for this mystery backup, she wasn’t sure.  Something must have clouded her judgment at that moment.  Now she just feels like facepalming.  How ridiculous was she for not asking more questions?

“Okay, okay,” Yuji huffs, clearly fighting hard against the stun of her cursed energy.  He’d seen it in action once or twice, but that would have happened years ago, and he certainly never felt it’s effect on himself before.

Paralyze was an interesting technique, with the ability to stun anything she pleases, (y/n) could render her enemies frozen and helpless with a slight wave of her hand.  Of course, it’s effects only last as long as she’s capable of holding them still.  The stronger the opponent, the weaker her technique.  So it doesn’t take long before Yuji’s squirming out of it’s hold, and soon (y/n) drops her technique completely.

“In case you haven’t noticed… we’re low on sorcerers around here,” He admits defeatedly.  (y/n) stays quiet, she didn’t need to say that she’d obviously noticed the empty halls and echo of every noise they made.  “Fushiguro’s busy with Zen’in politics, and ropes Maki into it more than she cares to be involved.  Okkotsu’s never free from assignments, Kugisaki and I take everything he can’t… we’re stretched thin, you know?” 

(y/n) nods in understanding, but she’s still waiting for him to explain the part where she comes in.

“And you need me to…? Take some exorcisms off your plate?” She tries to fill in the blank, but judging by the half wince Yuji gives her, she supposes her guess is wrong.

“Well… we actually need someone to help with the training aspect of-” 

“Not teaching” Her voice is monotone as she hopes he’s not about to tell her she’s been called here to chaperone a bunch of kids.

“Teaching…” Yuji finishes slowly, drawing out the word as if it will make the blow less painful.  It only makes it more painfully awkward.

“Itadori-!” Just as she starts to scold him, upset that she’s been lured out here under false pretenses, only to be asked to do the one thing she’d sworn she’d never do, they’re greeted by the rest of their company.

“(y/l/n)-san! Long time no see!” 

Panda is as warm of a presence as ever, though (y/n) had only met him a handful of times, he greets her as if they were long time friends being reunited.  For a brief moment, she actually relaxes.

And then she sees him.

Inumaki Toge somehow looks exactly the same, and like a completely different person from the last time she’d seen him.  His hair was a little shaggier, still covering his forehead and just barely sweeping over the deep violet eyes that feel more familiar than they should.  He still wears a collar with his uniform, a soft looking gray material that sits above the crisp black jacket that matches hers.

The more noticeable change, however, is his lack of a right arm.  (y/n) tries not to stare directly at the space where his bicep ends and his forearm was supposed to begin, but she’s sure he notices the way her eyes dart to and from the missing limb, quickly looking back at his face again.

She’s not too thrilled about looking at him at all, so she directs her attention back towards Panda, clearing her throat of the lump that seemed to form in the matter of seconds.

“Hi,” She greets him, and only him it seems, before going right into the matter at hand.  “Look, it’s not that I don’t want to help you out here-” 

“I’m so glad you came!” Panda cheers like she’s doing him the favor of the century.  “We really need all the help we can get, but I just want the best of the best!” 

(y/n) swallows thickly before another lump can form.

“And I knew you’d help out.  Besides, we can finally catch up! It’s been a long time” Panda continues chatting despite the clear discomfort on (y/n’s) face.  She wonders if he’s trying to guilt her, or if he’s just so delusional in thinking this was some special reunion.  She really hardly knew the Tokyo students back then.

Maki was probably the only one she’d be all that comfortable with, and she was nowhere to be found.

(y/n) shifted her weight back and forth, trying to find the right thing to say that would get her out of here as fast as possible.

“We can have some tea and chat about what your role will look like for the time being-” 

“I can’t” She blurts out.  Wrong thing to say.  The hallway feels even more empty now, her short words echoing off the high ceilings, leaving no room for misinterpretation between the other three sorcerers.

“Huh?” Panda hums, his head tilted to the side in his confusion.  “You can’t stay?”

“Look, I’m sorry and all, but when you called me I thought you needed help with a curse, okay? Not…” Her hands wave around vaguely gesturing to the space around them.  “Playing teacher” 

Inumaki snorts, and her eyes flicker towards him almost challengingly, as if asking what she’d said so wrong, but there was nothing but amusement in the part of his expression she could see, and she turns back towards Panda.

“I’m no use for that, alright?” She sighs.  “I would’ve told you, had I known, but this one-” Her finger points towards Itadori, who suddenly looks like he’s been caught red handed, “Decided to be cryptic. So,  Sorry, but no” 

“I see,” Panda replied, sounding like some of his energy had been drained by her rejection.  “Well, we could still have that tea?” 

She should’ve turned down that offer as well, because tea led to chatting, and chatting led to bonding, and it wasn’t long before Panda was pushing his offer again.

“It’s just… the kids could really use some help with their training…” He says as he stares into the near empty cup in his paw.  Somehow it looks even smaller when held by him.  “They’re good kids, you know? Respectful, kind… it would be so simple… monitoring some cursed technique use, maybe going on some Grade Four assignments…” 

(y/n) stares boredly at him as he goes on, describing the job like it’s the simplest position in the world.  As if she couldn’t remember watching the stress of it affect her own teacher back in the day.  Utahime’s frown lines were irreversible now.  Although that could partially be due to her Tokyo counterpart…

Her tired gaze shifts towards Yuji, who’s holding his mug in both hands and grinning from ear to ear.  Too hopeful for his own good.  The corners of her lips twitch, an undeniable urge to reciprocate his boundless joy.  She has to look away from him.

Inumaki appears less interested in the whole scheme.  He’d leaned away from the table as soon as he’d finished his tea.  With his hand planted behind him to keep him propped up, he’s the image of disinterest.  He’s not even watching Panda’s attempts at swaying (y/n’s) opinion, his eyes wandering the common room’s wall.  (y/n) finds herself also checking out the wall, trying to find whatever could hold his attention more than his friend’s useless rambling.  Besides a few picture frames and worn wallpaper, she can’t find anything worth her attention.

But when she turns away from it, Inumaki must have also lost interest, because he was looking directly at her.  She freezes up for a moment, a feeling eerily similar to her own cursed technique, before it creeps away and she finds herself averting her gaze as rapidly as she’s able.

Which lands her looking right back at Panda, who’s watching her with an open mouthed grin, clearly awaiting an answer to a question she hadn’t heard.

Shit, she hadn’t been listening?

“What did you say?” She asked, her eyebrows raising with a small hum at the end of her question.

“I’ll make sure that you aren’t bothered like this again,” Panda repeats his earlier statement.  “If we weren’t at the end of our rope, I wouldn’t be asking like this now… but it seems this is just the position we’ve found ourselves in,” He sighs, furry shoulders slumping.  “I’m just trying to do what I can to provide the best resources for these youngsters but I’m only one panda, and the world will always need sorcerers out there to-” 

“Alright then” 

In an instant, three pairs of eyes land on her, shock evident in all of them.  She can’t pretend to be surprised by their astonishment, as she’d been pretty stubborn prior to now.  She could say that she had a change of heart, that he swayed her with his kind words and positive outlook on guiding the students in his care.  

But truthfully? She didn’t think she’d forgive herself if she made Panda cry.

“You- you mean it?” Panda asks, disbelief evident in his tone, and in the way his mouth stayed hanging open.

“Yes,” She can’t help a short laugh escaping through her exhale.  “On the condition you don’t ask me any more favors” She adds, her finger in the air as she awaited Panda’s confirmation.

“Heard! Deal!” He hollered, his gape turning into a grin as his paw snatched up her hand and shook it wildly.  “You don’t understand how much this means, (y/l/n)-san!” 

“Oh, I’m starting to” She says with a wince of a smile as she pulls her hand away, flexing her sore fingers.

“I’ll show you where you’ll be staying!” Yuji leaps up from the ground and is at the door before (y/n) could even stand.  “And I’ll let someone know you’ll need a few changes in uniform, too” He adds as an afterthought, noticing her already wrinkled jacket from the last hour of sitting hunched over on the ground for tea.

Briefly glancing between Panda and Inumaki, she realizes she’s left with no choice but to get up and follow after Yuji, who seemed to be treating the whole ordeal like it was Christmas day.

Whether or not she could feel Inumaki’s gaze following her as she stood and left, she didn’t make clear.  Nonetheless his eyes lingered at the door even once she’d gone.

It’s not until Panda lets out a full belly laugh that the cursed speech user is pulled back into reality, and he furrows his brows at his old friend.

“Bonito flakes” He mutters with a shake of his head, before getting up and stretching his arm.  Leaning all of his weight on it for a while had it feeling tender, but the scowl on his face was completely due to Panda.

“What?” Panda asks, his voice hitting a higher octave, knowing exactly why his friend was being snarky.  “You stared at her the whole time, I’m not even sure you blinked!” 

Toge rolls his eyes just as he rolls his shoulder to work out the soreness.  So full of shit, he thinks, but he can’t help the growing smile behind his collar, as he can’t exactly deny the accusation.

But what can he say? He’d only met the girl for a short time, years ago, and it was enough to leave a lasting impression.  At least enough that he was eager to meet her again- even if she didn’t share the thrill of her visit.  He’d just have to find a way to help her enjoy her time here.

“Good luck getting her to actually enjoy it here,” Panda huffs, reading his mind as always.  Toge gives him a curious look, waiting for any bright ideas.  Unfortunately, Panda wasn’t exactly optimistic about (y/n’s) time here.  “Maki calls her the off grid sorcerer for a reason,” 

Toge wants to call him out on that, because sometimes Maki does saki bombs and likes to gossip, but for some reason, the words fail him.

“She’s dodged every request to teach, or even show up at any events held at the schools,” Panda explains.  “Maki says she hates jujutsu sorcery” 

That earns another eye roll from Toge.  It just didn’t make sense, who could she hate jujutsu sorcery, when she was actively still a jujutsu sorcerer?

“Ikura” Toge dismisses him with a lame wave of his hand.  It was stupid, and he wasn’t going to get into a stupid argument.  Maybe it was silly to feel this defensive over a high school crush that probably barely remembered him, but if Panda was going to be this childish, then so could he.

“Fine, do your best,” Panda says, standing to follow his friend out of the room.  “But I’d be impressed if you found a way to make her feel otherwise” 

Challenge accepted, Toge thinks to himself as he meanders back towards his own quarters.  

Step one would be getting to know her, properly, like he’d wanted to years ago.  And step two would be finding a way to make her stay.

That couldn’t be too hard, could it? 

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆｡⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

(y/n) never forgot the revenge she swore she’d take on Inumaki had she ever seen his face again.  She can’t ignore the small spike of bitterness in her chest whenever she sees him.

But she’s not sure what to do with that feeling now.

She’s standing in the classroom that supposedly belonged to Maki when she was around.  It was empty, too early for any students to arrive just yet, but she’d wanted to get there early.  That way she’d be settled in and ready for whatever this day was going to be.  She’d been mulling over what she was supposed to do when the students got here for so long that she’s not sure when she’d wandered to the window and began to watch the scene below.

Outside, Inumaki is standing on the steps with three students- probably his students- and he’s making various rapid hand movements.  Wait, was that sign language? She was on the second story, so even if she’d opened the window she probably wouldn’t have heard what they were talking about, but even without listening in, it seemed that the students understood their teacher perfectly.

She was certain he hadn’t used any sign language yesterday, she tried to recall the events of the day, but it was so fast paced and confusing from start to finish that she just couldn’t remember any communications from Inumaki’s end.

Besides a sarcastic chuckle.

“Are you (y/l/n)-senpai?” 

She almost jumps as she turns around, not having heard the footsteps approaching the classroom.

There stood two students, a boy and a girl, each wearing the same uniform.  The familiar black jackets and crisp slacks had her stomach knotting up with the realization of what she was doing here.

“Just (y/l/n),” She corrects, her voice sounding a bit strained.  She clears her throat before any more weird sounds could be made.  “I’m not your teacher, I’m just… filling in” 

“So… like a substitute teacher?” The boy deadpans.

Great.  He’s got an attitude.  If only she were Mai, she’d have that snark smacked out of his tone with one, well, smack.

“Hardly.  More of a supervisor,” (y/n) replies with a tight lipped smile.  “So… what is it you’re working on right now?” 

“Cursed techniques” The girl replies.  Her voice is much softer than her snarky little friend.  There’s a politeness in it that (y/n’s) grateful for.  She’s not really looking for these kids to respect her, but if they were nice it’d definitely make the next couple weeks go by smoothly.

“Easy enough,” (y/n) shrugs.  “Why don’t you explain your techniques to me and we’ll go from there” 

As she should have expected, it was not easy enough.  All those two did was argue, and when they weren’t arguing, they were struggling through their cursed techniques like a five year old getting their training wheels taken off.  If that five year old was blind and toppled off the bike and broke both legs in the process.  (y/n) found herself ready for a beer by lunchtime, and she wasn’t even sure if there was any alcohol on campus.  She’d have to do a grocery run later for some necessities.  If every day was going to be like this, she’d need a twenty-four pack.

She’d come out to the lawn for her lunch break, a blank notebook and pen in hand with the hopes of drawing up some kind of lesson plan.  A grocery list seemed more like the pressing matter now, though.

It must just be a spacey day for her, because when Inumaki Toge approaches the table, she realizes she hadn’t noticed him until he was standing right there before her.  His hand is in his pocket, and despite his face being half covered, she can tell he’s wearing a kind look.

Not knowing how she felt about him yet, she shifts in her seat on the bench.  She’s sure it’s rude to stare, and it’s dumb to expect him to explain what he wanted, but she’s not sure what to say either.

“Mustard leaf?” 

Huh?

Her confusion must’ve been evident, because Inumaki pulls his hand out of his pocket and points at her notebook and pen.

“Oh,” She mumbles absentmindedly, before passing the pen and paper to him.  “Is that how you ask for things?” 

She cringes at her own question, and if she wasn’t already embarrassed she would have smacked her hand to her head, too.  Inumaki doesn’t seem bothered though, as he just nods his head and begins to write in her notebook.

When he hands it back to her he keeps hold of her pen.  Was this his way of trying to have a conversation? This time she’s not stupid enough to actually ask that, but her curiosity gets the best of her as she grabs the notebook to read what he wrote quickly.

Hi.

Her eyes flicker between the page and him a few times, disbelief turning her lips into a small smile.

“Hi…” She replies, quieter than intended.

Inumaki chuckles, and beckons her to pass the notebook back to him.  (y/n) has a feeling the rest of her lunch hour would look like this.  This time she watches him as he scrawls on the page again, and this time it seems he’s writing more than two letters.

With his attention on his writing, she doesn’t feel so worried about staring at his bright violet eyes.  The last time she’d really gotten a good look at them was five years ago, and she was sure she’d never seen anyone with eyes quite like his.  That still holds true.

Inumaki passes the notebook back again.

Are you having a good first day? 

She snorts, and Inumaki takes that to mean it wasn’t a great start.

“I couldn’t have been more clear that I wasn’t meant to be a teacher,” (y/n) shakes her head, and leans back a bit into the bench.  Inumaki’s eyes shift to the space next to her, and she finds herself shifting to make room for him to sit.  He doesn’t need a verbal offer in order to sit beside her.  “I don’t understand how anyone could enjoy this”

Inumaki holds his hand out for the notebook once more, and (y/n) passes it to him.  She wonders if he ever got tired of communicating like this.  But just as the question passes her mind, she’s sure he’s grown used to the exhaustion of living this way long ago.  So she begins to wonder when he began to accept it.  As he writes, she realizes she actually has a lot of curiosities surrounding him.

The old bitterness begins to chip away the more she lets her mind wander.  Maybe that bitterness was childish and stupid, anyways.  Or, maybe it was just that she was a child when that grudge had taken form.

Toge passes her the notebook again.  She can’t see that he’s smiling, but there’s crinkles at the corners of his eyes that tell her he must be.

Have you tried drinking on the job? 

(y/n) glances between the note and Toge, who seems to be barely holding it together behind his mask.  It’s not until she lets out the faintest of laughs that he begins to cackle, shaking his head asif to say ‘I’m just kidding!’ as though she couldn’t have put that together.

Maybe Inumaki Toge wasn’t at all who she thought he was.  

It sort of turned out that she hadn’t known him at all.

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆｡⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

It didn’t take long for a little routine to be established.  It seemed to have happened without anyone’s say in it.  (y/n) would find a spot for lunch and Inumaki just seemed to gravitate towards that spot.  They’d eat their lunches and grade papers together while passing a notebook back and forth for communication, and it just seemed to… work.  

Some days (y/n) would even write her responses underneath his own written words.  Sometimes it just seemed like the fair thing to do, but she couldn’t deny, the peace and quiet could be nice.

Toge has to tap the end of his pencil against the table a few times to get (y/n) to snap out of her brain fog and finally notice the note he’d written her.  She gives him an apologetic look once consciousness had brightened her eyes again, before directing her attention to the notebook.

Toge smiles to himself, already going back to the paper he was grading.

I’ve got an assignment in Yokohama later.  Just a Grade Two though.  Want to come with? :)

(y/n’s) brow lifts in his direction, but he’s too busy reading one of his students’ work to notice.  Her eyes only liner for a few extra seconds before she makes a hum to get his attention.  He mimics the hum.

“All this work aging you faster? Is that what you’re telling me?” She asks.  Her finer absentmindedly taps at his neat handwriting.  “Can’t handle assignments alone anymore?” 

Inumaki scoffs, his eyes briefly flickering away from his work, just long enough to show his lack of amusement with her dry form of teasing.  He doesn’t get much more done before he’s bringing their talking notebook back to his side of the table and writing in it again.  (y/n) doesn’t bother to go back to her own work.  After five days of this little routine she’s come to realize this block of time in her day wasn’t meant for getting work done.  It was meant for… 

She gets the feeling Inumaki’s smiling to himself under his collar.

… whatever this was.

He looks up at her when he’s finished, catching her eyes already on him, and he’s sure that she blushes just a little bit, but any trace of it is gone when she reaches over for the notebook and lifts it to read.  A strategic choice to cover the lower half of her face.  Toge tries not to feel too defeated, it’s only fair after all.

I meant to hang out, dummy.  I don’t mean to brag you’d only slow me down out there.  But I do know a great tea shop.

She’s glad that the notebook hides her face, because she can’t have him seeing how quickly a few words can make her smile.  Only of course because she doesn’t want him getting the wrong idea.

There’s been a few occurrences of that feeling in the past couple days of spending her lunch breaks with Inumaki.  An odd feeling, like there’s a lump in her throat, but her heartbeat starts to get ahead of itself.  It’s like adrenaline, but seemingly without a cause.  So far she’d been able to brush the feeling off, trying not to think too much of it.

“You would be grateful if you had a partner like me out there,” She says matter of factly, before dropping the notebook back on the table.  “Sending you on a Grade Two mission, you almost have to wonder if the higher ups think you’re slow enough on your own?”

That earns her another scoff, this time accompanied by an even longer blank stare.  She has to bite back her smile before it can grow too wide, but she can’t help a little laugh at his uninterested expression.  For as much of a jokester as Inumaki was, he sure didn’t react when he was the one being teased.

“Yeah yeah, I hear you,” (y/n) huffs, finally looking back at her stack of papers that she should’ve graded by now.  “Tea does sound good.  Let me know when you’re headed out later” 

Again, she ignores the fluttery feeling when they swap phones to exchange numbers so they could form a plan later.  It was unrelated, she’s sure.  But she’s still not so sure what that feeling was all about to begin with.

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆｡⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

There was a skip to Inumaki’s step that couldn’t go unnoticed, especially not by his colleagues, who happened to watch him heading out to the courtyard and decided to involve themselves without even a single word shared.

“I’ve never seen you off to a mission so jazzed!” Itadori practically sings, his grin wide, his eyebrows dancing, oh, he’s so onto him.

“Bonito flakes” 

“So you didn’t brush your hair before going on an assignment?” Panda accuses, but his paw gets swatted away before he can run his hand through the luscious blonde locks of perfectly clean and dried hair.  

No one showers before an assignment.  What’s the point?

“Bonito flakes!” Toge repeats himself a little louder this time, his eyes darting around the area to be sure no one else was around to hear this interaction.

This doesn’t go unseen by his friends- who seem extra persistent on bothering him today.

“Oh wow! So it’s like a… date assignment?” Itadori asks.  He makes the extra effort to also ensure no one else was lingering around, his grin only growing as he checks over both shoulders before lowering his voice.  “That sounds hot, good for you man” 

Toge rolls his eyes, then shakes his head.

“What are you up to then?” Panda asks.

“It’s not a date?” Itadori’s grin falls into a frown.

Toge’s hand moves in a swift motion, from a fist with his thumb jutted out to his palm up so quick if you’d blink you would’ve missed it.  Somehow he’d managed to pour as much attitude into his signed question of ‘how?’ in one little hand movement as possible.  It’s clear it works too, because Panda winces and Itadori begins to scratch the back of his neck.

Sure, Inumaki had been excited to spend some time with (y/n) away from the school.  Maybe he had taken a shower before his assignment, so what? It was normal to want to be presentable right? He just wanted to be decent company…

“Oh, you’ve got it bad!” Panda hollers, not seeming to care that his voice booms and echos off the high ceiling, likely bouncing down all the corridors for anyone to hear.

Today, Toge is grateful that jujutsu society is dying.

“Bonito flakes!” He hisses, smacking his bear friend as hard as he could.  It wasn’t hard enough, as the belting laughter was even louder than his voice.

“Not too hard to find you guys, huh?” 

Toge doesn’t hide the fact that he nearly leaps out of his skin as he swivels around to see (y/n) standing there, an amused look on her face as she eyes the laughing pair, before turning towards the cursed speech user with a more curious expression.  Being a sorcerer of his caliber, she was surprised she was able to startle him at all.  But it’s clear when his eyes first land on her, it’s as if he’s seen a ghost.

He’s quick to calm down, relaxation returning to his shoulders and the only tension remaining in his body coming from the worry that his so called friends were going to say something stupid like- 

“Wow you’re in uniform! Haven’t seen Toge take up a partner in a while.  Unless Yuuta’s around,” Panda says, and (y/n) merely shrugs, looking over her usual attire.  “You’re probably a better date than Yuuta, though” 

“Ikura” Toge hisses, side eyeing his oldest friend with a look in his eye warning him that his next words wouldn’t be rice ball ingredients.

“I think Yuuta would be a good date” Yuji said thoughtfully, eyes wandering about as though he were really considering the date-ability of the older sorcerer.

It does the trick in moving the group’s attention away from the previous awkward thing, this one being far more enticing to latch onto, and while normally Toge would participate in the goofing off, at the moment he can only feel relief that (y/n) hadn’t seemed to dwell on the ‘date’ comment.

“He’d be a good date if he could sit down for long enough to actually date” Panda replies, and it’s not long before he and Yuji have launched themselves into an argument about it.

In the heat of the fight, (y/n’s) eyes catch Toge’s, and it only takes one motion of her head before they’re both speeding out of there.

“I didn’t realize they were crushing on Okkotsu so hard,” She’s the first to speak, once they’re far enough away there’s no chance of anyone overhearing.  “If I knew him better I would’ve given my two cents” She added in a near mutter, clearly meant for her own amusement under her breath, but Toge heard and asked about it anyways.

“Mustard leaf?” 

“Like I said, I don’t really know the guy-” She started to protest, but Toge clearly had invested an interest in her opinion.

“Mustard leaf mustard leaf mustard leaf-” 

“Alright!” She has to shout over his incessant pestering.  “He seems like a good guy and all but he’s not… my preference in company.  Is that good enough?” 

His collar is zipped up as per usual, but his cheeky grin seems to permeate through it anyways.  (y/n) has to roll her eyes to remind him just how ridiculous of a conversation this was.  Reiterating the fact that she’d barely met Okkotsu Yuuta once didn’t seem to do the trick in explaining that she couldn’t exactly form an opinion on him when they hadn’t even been introduced to one another, merely crossed paths back in the day when the end of the world seemed to closing in.

“Salmon cod roe” 

But the world hadn’t ended.  And now somehow, she found herself here.  Teaching in Tokyo, and keeping the company of a cursed speech user from the notorious Inumaki Clan.  And… she enjoyed herself.

She hoped it didn’t show too much, keeping her expression neutral on the ride to Yokohama as Toge scrolled through the case file of his assignment.  Occasionally he’d tilt his phone in her direction so she could read up on it as well, sometimes she’d give him her thoughts on it, but the few words that came out were nothing compared to the calculations she was making behind her eyes.  He could tell just from the look in her eyes that she had more plots in her mind than the small things she shared.

Toge wondered if she was always silent when she schemed, or if this was her attempt at not overstepping a non-existent boundary.  Truthfully, he would’ve loved to hear her thoughts on how best to exorcize this curse.  He would have found a way to ask her, but he didn’t want all of their conversation tonight to revolve around work.  Jujutsu, curses, and everything in between was on the back burner for now.  Or at least, once he wrapped up this assignment.

And as expected, the assignment took less time than the time they spent traveling.  (y/n) barely got a good look at the Grade Two before it was told to drop dead and- well, it dropped dead.  She didn’t exactly expect Inumaki to need any assistance, he’d made it pretty clear that her company wasn’t needed on the assignment.  However, seeing him in action up close was…

It’s just that she’d somehow let herself forget just how powerful the Inumaki Clan was.  Maybe she’d separated Toge from the rest of the clan in her mind, but watching him exorcize a curse and then zip up his collar again in the matter of a minute and a half was…

She has to clear her throat and make herself appear busy checking the content of her purse as they leave the site.  The heart of Yokohama, and the tea shop, was a little bit of a walk.  Luckily Inumaki was busy gulping down two- no, three- bottles of cough medicine.  By the time the third is gulped down, (y/n) finds her voice.  Her thoughts, however, are still a bit muddled.

“Do you want to stop for another?” She asks, gesturing to the empty mini bottle he’d just shoved into his pocket.  “Looks like there’s a convenience store right here” 

His eyes follow her gaze, but there’s an uncertainty in them as he seemingly ignores the offer.

“What?” (y/n) frowns as they grow nearer to the store without planning on stopping in.  “Clearly your throat hurts, since you’re throwing back that medicine like it’s tequila” 

That earns her a curious look, a raised eyebrow questioning her choice of drink.  But this time, it’s her turn to ignore him.

“C’mon, we’ll be quick” She says, turning to head into the store with or without him.

Toge huffs, but finds his feet dragging behind her path anyways.

(y/n) hovers around as Toge picks up two more bottles of cough syrup.  She makes a face when he chooses bubblegum, her nose wrinkling at the all-too childish choice.  Toge’s question of her disgust doesn’t need to be voiced with a rice ball ingredient.

“Bubblegum?” She asked, eyes locking on the medicine in his hand before looking up at him again.  “Are you five?” 

His eyes roll, but it’s quick enough that he’s still able to catch the smile she’s trying to bite back.

She might not have his little language perfectly translated in her mind, but she has a pretty good feeling that he’s cursing her out with a few muttered ikuras under his breath.  She barely hides her laughter as she follows him to the counter.

It’s hard not to notice the way the clerk stares.  She knows they’re not trying to be rude, they are an odd pair at the counter.  In matching black uniforms and three arms between them- not to mention Toge’s in a collar that makes him look like he could be casing the joint- but still, something unsettles her the longer the girl on the other side of the counter stares.

Knowing that saying something about the staring would make things worse, she decides to keep her mouth shut as Toge exchanges the money for his medicine.  But that doesn’t mean she’s not making a perfectly clear point by staring down the cashier with an intensity she’s only ever felt while staring a curse straight in it’s soulless eyes.  She gets a much more pleasing reaction from the non-sorcerer though.  As soon as their eyes cross paths, they’re much quicker in retrieving Toge’s change and receipt.  (y/n) can’t help the smug smile on her face once they’re able to turn and leave the store, the clerk barely able to mumble out a ‘have a good night’.

Toge may have had a small bit of tunnel vision opening up his medicine and chugging down the relieving, bubblegum tasting fluid.  But he was a trained jujutsu sorcerer, he could tell when there was suspicious activity in his peripherals.  And (y/n’s) fixed gaze on the corner store’s window was rather odd.

He gives her a look, but she’s more focused than he had been, and it takes a small nudge to her elbow to disconnect her hunter’s glare.

“What?” She asks, innocent and curious.

With his collar unzipped from his earlier medicine-chugging, she can see the awkward smile he wears as he questions her silently.  She knows what he’s trying to ask, but she feigns confusion and tries to brush off the moment.  Inumaki lets her, but only on the condition that she seems to give him the attention she’d previously fixed on the store.

With his throat feeling healed and the pleasantness of bubblegum replacing the metallic taste of blood on his tongue, Toge continues on their walk towards the tea shop he’d been looking forward to all day.  One cup of tea from there would do better work than five bottles of cough syrup- no matter the delicious pink flavor.

(y/n) tries to put the experience at the corner store behind her as they walk in a comfortable silence.  It wasn’t her place to take offense from the staring anyways, she’s sure Inumaki’s been on the receiving end of odd looks and lingering eyes his whole life.

Still, it makes her uneasy to think about him being treated differently than anyone else.  It wasn’t fair.

Wanting to put an end to their silence, Inumaki pulls out his phone and starts typing.

[inumaki toge]: the least you could do is be the chatty one btw

(y/n) feels the buzz of a notification in her pocket, but she pays it no mind at all.  It takes a laugh and a nudge from Inumaki for her to realize he’s the one texting her, and she laughs awkwardly with him as she pulls her phone out.

They continue to text rapidly back and forth as they walk.

[y/n]: it’s rude to text when you have company btw 

[inumaki toge]: would u rather i just curse u then

[y/n]: would U rather i just DIE then ?? 

[inumaki toge]: ur just grouchy that u didn’t get to exorcize that curse :p

She looks up at him then, fixing him a glare that just couldn’t have been conveyed the same way from an emoji.  He stares back at her for a minute, a smile that was a little too cocky on his face.  Her hard set eyes wander his face for a moment, she’d still never gotten used to seeing those markings on display, but the furrow in her brow remained.

He turns away to type again, and seconds later her phone vibrates in her hands.

[inumaki toge]: i looked pretty cool tho didn’t i? was i impressive? i’m thinking about being the first jujutsu influencer.

She barks out a laugh so unexpected that they both share the same look of surprise on their faces.  A softer, more bashful laugh comes out at her as she nods her head in confirmation.

“Yeah, Inumaki.  You looked very cool” Even the word comes out like it’s an immature compliment, but a compliment nonetheless.  He beams back at her.

[inumaki toge]: just toge.

“Okay” (y/n) nods at her phone, her lips moving like she’s going to call him by his preferred name, but no sound comes out, and she finds herself closing her mouth just as quickly.

[inumaki toge]: otherwise i’ll feel like ur teacher.  and that’s weird.

“Well, to be fair, you’re sort of my teacher,” She says, turning away from her phone to speak directly to him.  “You know, you’ve taught me how to teach,” She clarifies.  With an absent mind she tucks her phone back into her pocket.  “I know I agreed to it and all, but I probably would’ve walked out a few days ago if it weren’t for you.  I definitely don’t have the patience for this job- or any qualifications, actually,” 

Toge snorts and shakes his head with his disbelief in her.  She might not have sought out this job, but she didn’t have to be so hard on herself.

“Seriously, I think my students would have killed each other if it weren’t for your guidance.  Now they actually… almost tolerate each other.  It’s a miracle, really” 

Inumaki types on his phone again.

[inumaki toge]: don’t give us too much credit.  that would’ve happened eventually

“You think?” (y/n) scoffs, recalling how her pair of students were at each other’s throats when she met them.

[inumaki toge]: ofc.  they’re crazy about each other XD

“What!?” (y/n) shrieks as her eyes scan over his text a few more times before turning to him.  “Did you get cursed back there or something?” She accuses, a wild look in her eye and a grin of disbelief on her lips.  But a smile nonetheless, Toge returns it.  “They can’t stand each other!” 

He shrugs a shoulder, his smile softening with his gaze as he watches her struggle to understand where he was coming from.

“You know I don’t let them spar with each other right? They’re too rough! They’ll hurt each other more than they could get hurt out on an assignment” 

Toge chuckles, his teeth showing through his grin as he shakes his head at her before sending another message.  His amusement practically glowed through his features, so much so (y/n) couldn’t tear her eyes away from him while he was texting.

[inumaki toge]: sounds like rising tension to me~ 

[inumaki toge]: fr tho they had a thing for each other before you took over for fushiguro.  they’re at each other’s throats 24hrs a day but only cuz they got it bad.

“Got it bad?” (y/n) repeats in a mumble to herself.  She gives him a deadpan look, silently telling him she thought he was an insane person, but Toge only grins back at her.

“Salmon cod roe” He shrugs again, but before the conversation could go any further, he’s pointing to their destination and they’re crossing the street.  

As they enter the tea shop, (y/n) makes a mental note not to forget what he’d said.  Maybe she would feel differently when she saw her students tomorrow.  Inumaki- Toge- had known them longer than her, maybe he was onto something.

It’s pretty quiet inside, only a few other people sitting around the small cafe.  Some with company, talking quietly so as not to disturb the peaceful atmosphere for the others dining alone, accompanied only by a book or their studies.  The quietness, surprisingly, isn’t unsettling to (y/n).  She actually smiles contentedly as they find a two-seated table near the window.  There’s menus already placed at the table, although small, their detailing is adorable.  (y/n’s) compelled to pick one up and scan over it, despite having known exactly what she was going to order before walking in.

Toge lifts the other menu off the table, just enough to appear as though he was giving it a glance, but anyone paying attention would have seen that he hadn’t taken his eyes off of his company since they’d sat down.

“I think I’ll just get what I- what?” 

(y/n) starts to speak, but when she lifts her gaze from the paper she finds Toge staring at her so blatantly she can’t be bothered to finish her thought.  Her voice softens upon catching his eyes, suddenly nervous, although she can’t explain why, perhaps she’d just worried that she’d disturbed the quiet peace of the shop.

Toge shakes his head, assuring her there was nothing on his mind, and while she relaxes some knowing that he wasn’t trying to silently warn her about some unknown rule of speaking, her heart had yet to stop skipping every other beat as she waits for the rest of the explanation as to why he’d been staring.

He opens his mouth, and for a second the both of them almost forget.  Forget that he’s not going to say something of substance, something real.  They both wait for that split second for him to say what’s on his mind.  And they share a sheepish smile when he closes his mouth again, biting his lip before the smile could do a 180 and kill the vibe.

(y/n) winces for him when his eyes return to the menu, and she watches his hand reach for the zipper to his collar.  She’s compelled to tell him to leave it open- although she doesn’t find the courage for such words before a waitress strolls by for their order.

Toge points to the tea he wants on the menu, and she finds herself following suit when it’s her turn to order.  She can feel his eyes on her, wide with surprise as she wordlessly places her order, but once the waitress disappears, it’s silent between them again.

She struggles to look at him, not because she doesn’t want to, but because she can’t help herself from doing so.  He’d closed his collar only halfway, barely enough to cover the markings on his face, and yet enough to reveal whenever he smiled or winced or frowned.  Her eyes keep wandering around the room before going back to him, again and again, each time looking somewhere new.  The smallest peek of black ink near his mouth, the wisps of blonde hair that fell at the tips of his ears, the violet eyes that seemed to hold all the words his mouth couldn’t say.  Maybe that’s why it was so hard to look at him- it was the intensity.

“You’re being really quiet” She says after a few minutes of looking and looking away.  Toge’s stunned for a moment, before a laugh bursts through at the odd comment.  

The corner of her lips twitch momentarily, proud of her attempt to make him laugh working.

He pulls his phone out, laying it on the table to type easier with one hand, poking about on the screen like a child learning how to use a keyboard.  (y/n) pulls her own phone out as she awaits his message, but she keeps her attention on him as she does.  With his focus on the screen, there’s less of an intensity for her to stare into.

[inumaki toge]: found this place on an assignment here last year.  the tea is magic.  better than rct

“That so?” (y/n) hums as she’s typing back a response.  Toge hums in confirmation.  She doesn’t realize that as she types, he keeps his attention on her, just as she’d done for him.

[y/n]: i’ve ordered the same thing since i was a kid, so hopefully it doesn’t disappoint 

[inumaki toge]: that’s a lot of pressure to put on tea

[y/n]: no, the pressure is all on you 

[inumaki toge]: so it’s my fault if you don’t like the same cup of tea you’ve had all your life? 

“Mhm” (y/n) hums, lifting her head from the screen to catch his reaction, only again to find him already staring at her.  

The amused smirk she’d been wearing as they texted back and forth faltered, replaced by a soft surprise that Toge grew quite fond of seeing on her, even for a moment.  He doesn’t think about how his gaze is so obviously focused on her lips, because he doesn’t really think about anything at all.  With a blank mind he’s able to better appreciate her beauty.

(y/n’s) not sure what the look on his face means, she’s not able to read it as well as she’s typically able, and the realization makes her nervous again.  She can feel warmth spreading in her cheeks, and a similar feeling spiking in her chest.  What was that? 

Toge’s eyes shift up to hers, and he lets himself enjoy the way she sits there with her own eyes so wide he knows she’s waiting for him to explain the long silent stare.  Momentarily, he’s grateful for an ability such as his.  He doesn’t have to deliver an explanation in a timely manner, if at all.  He could keep on staring, and try his best to communicate his train of thought with his eyes alone.

“So… how much sign language do you know?” (y/n) asked, her voice quieter than she intended it to be.  

It can’t be explained, but everything suddenly feels more intimate now.  Like if she were to speak in a volume above a whisper, the rest of the world would come back into view.  But the rest of the world remains a watercolor background, and all she knows is sitting at this table.

Toge flattens his hand and shakes it back and forth, indicating a little, before he quickly types at his phone.

[inumaki toge]: learning a little here and there.  for the kids really.  panda is trying too.

(y/n) nods.  “Is there anything worth teaching?” 

Toge smiles, and for a few minutes he shows her a few motions for her to repeat before he texts her their meaning.  She gets the basics down pretty easy, such as introductions and greetings.  He doesn’t know how much he should teach her, but soon enough the waitress is returning with their tea and the topic moves on to something new again anyways.

He waits to take a sip of his, too curious to watch (y/n’s) first reaction to her own drink.

There’s something so plainly pretty about the picture before him that if it wouldn’t be odd, he would raise his phone and snap the picture to retain it’s memory in a physical form.  The way she captivates his entire attention has him feeling like he’s seventeen again.  Some of it might have to do with the warm lighting, the quiet atmosphere, but his thoughts are on such a simple track of adoration that he doesn’t think too much about how pretty her hands look gently wrapped around the mug- just that they are pretty.  

She’s pretty.  

And he’s… a goner.

She’s smiling when she lowers her drink after a sip, and Toge releases a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

“It’s good,” She voices her opinion after a moment, her hands still wrapped around the mug even as she rests it on the table.  “Definitely worth the trip out here.  Even if I didn’t get to have any of the fun” 

The movement of Toge’s hand is quick, as he gestures downward before tapping his nose and repeating the same motion.  He does it a second time just for the emphasis of trying to communicate something to her.  It takes her a moment to understand, but despite having a very minimal understanding of sign language, she comes to her conclusion quicker than he would have thought.

“Fun,” She repeats the motion he’d made, two fingers tapping her nose before bringing her hand downwards towards the table.  Toge nods in affirmation, a smile breaking across his face at her quick wit.  “This is fun?” She makes her guess at what he’d said, and his smile only widens as he nods again.  “This is fun,” The second time she repeated it was to reaffirm the motion in her mind, hoping a mental note would help her remember the small bit of signing for later.  

Then, for a third time, she quietly repeats “This is fun”, and Toge seems to understand that she was agreeing with his statement.  This is fun.  They’re having fun.  Together.  Like this.

It’s quiet between them as they sip their tea, but it’s not an awkward silence.  It’s comfortable, sitting together in the quaint shop and enjoying their warm drinks.  Time seems to fly by even without conversation, and they find themselves paying and leaving before they know it.

There seems to be no rush on their walk to the train station.  Neither of them even bother to check the schedule on the way.  Tokyo would be there no matter what time they returned, they were sure.

The silence lingers for a bit longer, but eventually Toge can’t help but pull out his phone and strike up a conversation.

[inumaki toge]: maybe next time i’ll let you do the exorcizing 

(y/n) shoots him a look when she reads his text, her brow raised but the rest of her face so expressionless it’s hard for him to get a read on what she’s thinking.  He’s starting to get the feeling that she likes it that way.

[y/n]: next time? 

He doesn’t need to text her when he can just nod his head.  Her lips twitch, but she manages to keep them in a straight enough line that he still can’t tell what she’s thinking about.  Nonetheless, he beams back at her, and he holds her stare for a moment longer than he should have before he’s texting her again.

[inumaki toge]: you seem thrilled

(y/n) lets out a dry laugh at the equally dry message.

“I’m only around a couple more days,” She replies, and the disappointment Toge feels is immediate and obvious in the way he deflates.  Still, she continues to explain, “Tokyo might have a curse issue, but it can’t be so bad they have to send their best and brightest every night, hm?” 

There’s hesitation in his eyes as he thinks about what he should type out next.  (y/n’s) grown rather patient with the way he communicates, so she doesn’t seem to realize that his silence isn’t due to the limitations of Cursed Speech.

Even once he begins typing, his thumb is slow.

[inumaki toge]: you’d be surprised.  tokyo might need a little extra help

He glances over at her as she reads his message, and his thumb begins to type out a second message before she could reply first.

[inumaki toge]: you could always stay a little longer

Again, he watches her as she watches her screen.  Where her thumbs had previously hovered over her keyboard, she moves them away now.  Leaving no intention of texting back a response.  Toge feels the pace of his heart begin to slow as the organ plummets to his stomach.  Suddenly filled with dread, he fixates his stare on the station ahead of them.  He thinks if he were to look at her now, when she’s so clearly rejected the idea, that she would see the disappointment on his face.

Without a word or text shared, the pair get inside and track down the evening schedule.  Toge’s pretty sure that there’s a faster pace to her steps than before.  The dread only worsens at the thought that suddenly she’s in a rush just to wait for a train.

Once they’re stopped again, (y/n) lets out a sigh and turns towards him.  He waits for her to begin her explanation, her rejection, but it takes a few more seconds before she actually voices her thoughts.

“It’s not a surprise… right?” Is the first thing she slowly says, and Toge can’t say he understands what she means.  He can’t really say anything, but this is different.  “I mean, I agreed to two weeks, you were there,” 

His brows furrowed into a bored look, and she winced.

“And I told you I wasn’t cut out for the whole teaching thing, I’ve barely been getting by- and I might hate it sometimes but I do miss assignments you know” 

In a stressed, jerky movement, Toge raises his phone and shakes it, reminding her of the offer he’d just given her.  (y/n) frowns, and he groans as he types a quick text.

[inumaki toge]: if you really wanted, you could take assignments here

He can tell it doesn’t make a difference when her face doesn’t change upon reading it.  He huffs again, a muttered “Ikura” under his breath, which she hears and bristles up to right away.

“Hey,” The offense in her tone is clear, and Toge’s partially surprised she even understood what he meant.  “I don’t understand why you’re getting upset, I’ve been clear from the minute I got here that I’d be leaving when the time was up.  And time’s up” 

With a glare that he can’t help, Toge texts her again.

[inumaki toge]: you’re not leaving.  you’re running away

“I am not!” She argues, her voice raising more than she wanted it to.  A few other people waiting for the train send the pair a dirty look for disrupting the peace and quiet of an empty train station, but she pays them no mind as she continues arguing.  “I’m going home.  I don’t live here and I don’t want to live here- I didn’t want to be here to begin with, remember?” 

[inumaki toge]: but then things changed.

“No, they didn’t” (y/n) replies, focusing on her screen.

[inumaki toge]: yes they did and you know it

“That doesn’t even matter.  I was never going to stay” 

[inumaki toge]: it does matter.  it matters because you don’t really want to leave, and i really don’t want you to go.

Her head darts upward and she stares at him now, the weight of the confession hitting her harder than either of them would have thought.  Her typical neutral expression is washed away by something else- something serious, and almost concerned.  Her brows are knitted together as she stares at him as if she’s waiting for him to speak.  Eyes round and lips parted around words that aren’t coming to her fast enough, they stand silently and stare at each other.

Before the right thing to say could come to her, the ring signaling the train was pulling in began to go off, and shortly after the train entered the station.  The expected chaos of it all- the screech of metal on metal, the sudden gust of air whipping around hair and clothes- it feels nonexistent as they stand there together.

Nothing happens.  The train comes to a stop, the doors open, and Toge tilts his head to beckon her to follow him onto the car.  (y/n) follows a few paces behind.  An indescribable but momentary paralyzing sensation buzzing through her legs as she forces them to move.

They take their seats, phones in hand but no messages being typed between them.  (y/n’s) leg begins to bounce the longer Toge stares out the window without a thought to share.

She hates the anxious feeling that settles under her skin the longer they sit like this.

“You know…” Her voice is a mumble when she finds the courage to speak, ten minutes into their ride.  “It’s not like I hated my time here,” 

It does the trick in getting him to look at her, at least.  But he makes no effort to text, or sign.  Instead, he just stares blankly, telling her that it wasn’t good enough.  She frowns, holding his stare.

“And it’s not like I’d never come back” 

This time he scoffs, an unamused smile on his face as he shakes his head.  The bitterness wafting off of him is almost as strong as his cursed energy.  Without words, text, or movement, he’s able to say you’re not coming back, as clear as day.

“I would come back,” (y/n) argues quietly, and his violet eyes drift back to her with the realization that she seemed to understand exactly what he was thinking.  If only she would extend the same ability to him, so he wouldn’t have to decipher all the layers of bullshit she uses to cover what she really thinks.  “I would” She says it again, a certainty in her eyes that tells him she’s being sincere.

Toge huffs in defeat, unlocking his phone.

[inumaki toge]: what is it that you’re so insistent to go back to?

He doesn’t mean for it to be a harsh message, but that doesn’t make the blow to her ego any easier.  But she knows he’s not wrong, either.  There’s no family she’s in contact with.  Her work leaves her no time for friendships, either.  She doesn’t even have a pet.  All she has is an undecorated apartment with a fridge that has one box of leftovers that would need to be thrown out upon her return and a perfectly made bed that hasn’t been slept on in weeks- even before she left.

There’s fundamentally nothing for her to go home to.

Her lower lip wobbles, but she’s quick to bite down on it before it could go noticed.  Toge’s pretty sure he knows what he saw, though.

Setting his phone on his leg, he reaches his hand out to her.  His touch is gentle, but apprehensive as he sets his hand on her wrist.  It speaks volumes, though.  She can see, and feel, all of the sympathy he’s trying to communicate.  With a short squeeze, he pulled his hand away again, much too soon, but he’d said exactly what he needed to say with that movement alone.

Why can’t you stay?

Her mouth opens, “of course I can’t stay!” sitting right at the tip of her tongue, but this time she’s the one with the Cursed Speech, and she couldn’t possibly say it out loud.  But it’s there, they both know it’s there, they can practically see it.

(y/n) shuts her mouth, wobbly lips forming into a frown upon seeing Toge’s disappointment in her silence.

She’s known him all of two weeks, and his disapproval wrecks her.

“I…” It’s broken, hardly a word, hardly a syllable, but it’s a start.  “What would that say?” 

His brows twitch, then draw together.  Confusion, maybe concern, is written all over him as his eyes wander her features, doing their best to understand her.  She doesn’t make it any easier on him.

With a slight shake of his head, he gives in and asks her what she means.

“If I stayed, just cause- just- just on a whim, for no reason other than-” 

She’s stammering, hardly making sense, and she’s just barely managed to keep her voice down so as not to draw attention from the other passengers scattered around.  But even she has to cut herself off before she could say something that could embarrass herself.  Although, if she were honest with herself, that ship had sailed.

Toge tilts his head, prompting her to finish her thought, but the longer he sits, and stares, and waits, the more (y/n) seems to withdraw.  Her mouth shuts, her brows seem to fall, and he worries that means she’ll be keeping the rest of her thoughts to herself.  He frowns at her, his curious look turning pointed to voice his irritation.

(y/n) figures she could either find another way to explain herself, or she could be grateful that the train was pulling into their station now and she could let the conversation die within this car when she hops out.

The screeching halt followed by the squeak and cry of the doors sliding open is rough on the ears but (y/n) couldn’t have been more relieved as she shoots up from the seat and rushes out of them.

The unsaid words aren’t forgotten, they couldn’t be when they’re tethered to the both of them, following them off the train and through the station.  It doesn’t matter how her stride races past his, the invisible chain still lingers.

She’s not winded from how quick she’s walking- of course not she’s a trained sorcerer- but somehow she’s not taking in air fast enough and she finds her chest rising and falling with short gasps of breath barely relieving her for a second at a time before she’s struggling to gulp down another.

Toge lets her storm off for a few paces.  Whether it’s because he wants her to get it out of her system, or if he needed his own train of thought to catch up with his actions, he couldn’t be sure.  But at some point following after her wasn’t enough.

(y/n) chokes mid breath when she’s halted from speed walking any further.  A hand latches around her wrist, and she has the audacity to look shocked when she’s whirled around.

“Toge!” She shouts, and they both seem to wince at the realization that it’s the first time she’s called him by his first name.

His brows are drawn together, and his eyes shift between hers and the arm he’s holding a few times before he lets her go.  He expected her to huff and take off again.  Maybe she’d speed walk all the way back to Jujutsu Tech, pack her bags, and disappear before the sunrise.

Her hand falls limply back to her side, a visible weight resting on her shoulders as she seems to shrink before him.  It’s odd to see her this way, but he doesn’t know how to communicate it at the moment.

“You barely know me” Her voice isn’t a whisper, but it’s too quiet for Toge’s liking.  He fights the urge to roll his eyes by taking a slow blink.

His hand gestures towards his chest, then taps his head before pointing towards her.  Her lips drop open, but Toge’s quick to repeat the action.  One sharp gesture towards himself, a jerky point at his skull, and then an even more exaggerated point towards her.  His finger stays in her direction until she shuts her mouth again, and he knows she won’t try to argue again.

Did he know everything about her? No.  But right now, it’s what he wanted more than anything.  And if he couldn’t get her to understand that, then he might go crazy.

“I don’t- I don’t understand,” She starts, and Toge groans, his head hanging back as he silently curses the clouds.  “No,” She steps forward, reaching towards his arm only to hesitate once she’s close to grabbing him.  “I meant… I meant I don’t understand why” She clarifies.

There’s nothing but softness behind his eyes as he gazes down at her, but the intensity of the violet still has a hitch forming in her throat.  The way he looks at her, as if she hadn’t just tried to storm out on him, positively makes her knees weak in a way that she can no longer ignore.  

That feeling she’s been pushing away, the stuttering heartbeat, the rush of adrenaline, she couldn’t ignore it now if she wanted to.  Not with it reflecting in Toge’s eyes looking directly back at her.

Her own eyes stretch as round as saucers, realization draining her face of color before coming back in a creeping pink blush.  

“And I- I barely know you,” She stammers over her words, but there’s something different in her tone now.  As if she’s trying to convince herself, rather than him.  Toge nods his head from side to side- he can’t argue, but he doesn’t think she wants him to anyways.  “It would just be- ridiculous to stay, out of nowhere, just- just pack up my life and start all over here- I- I’m not even that familiar with Tokyo,” 

He chuckles, amusement flickering in his eyes as he watches her grasp at straws.  A last ditch effort at explaining away the feeling.

“And I’m a shit teacher… those kids will eat me alive if I can’t get my shit together…” Her voice goes quieter as she trails off, glancing away as her eyes search around the empty street for some sort of solution.  “I can’t just uproot my life for you, you know” 

And then (y/n’s) head snaps forward again, noticing much too late the implication of her words.  Toge’s already raising a brow at her choice of words, a shit eating grin splitting his face.

He points his finger to his chest with an attitude that would make her glare at him if she could will the muscles in her face to do so.  But her lips are working on a mind of their own, twitching into a nervous smile.  She has to shake her head to combat the stupid dopey smile on her own face.  It only seems to further Toge’s amusement.

“Don’t- don’t look at me like that!” She’s shouting again, but it’s useless.  She’s already spoken those previously unsaid words, breaking their tether and letting them free for him to have and hold onto.

And hold onto them, he did.

“Salmon~” He sing-songs the riceball ingredient in a knowing, teasing tone.  He enjoys it far too much when her nervous smile makes an attempt at frowning, only for the corners of her lips to wobble and tilt upwards at him again- as if smiling at him came naturally to them.

A breathless, humorless laugh escapes her.  She pushes her fingers against her temples, as if it could bring some sort of peace to her chaotic mind.  She must be going crazy to actually be caving, right?

“I’ve lost my mind” She mumbles out.

Toge rolls his eyes at her dramatics, unable to help it this time.  He brings his hand out to brush his fingers under her chin, just enough to pull her attention back towards him- and returns color to her cheeks once more- before he reaches for one of her hands and pulls it towards him.  Mindlessly, she takes a half step forward.

It’s quiet for a moment.  And it should be uncomfortable, standing in silence in the middle of a sidewalk.  The sun had set a while ago, leaving only the street lamps to illuminate the surrounding area.  There are a few people still out and about, some rushing home late, others strolling casually, but even as people awkwardly sidestep the two of them, it’s hard to really give it much notice.

Not too unexpected, (y/n) breaks the silence first.

“There must be a rice ball ingredient that would tell me what you’re thinking,��� She sighs, her nervous smile growing softer, fonder, more sure of itself.

Toge chuckles, and she can’t help but watch his lips tilt into a smile.  The slight dip of skin where his markings are, where a dimple is almost perfectly centered by ink.  Her gaze is as soft as her smile- just as fond, just as sure of herself.

“You know… you’re nothing like I thought you’d be when I first met you” 

“Hm?” Toge hums, his head tilting just slightly.  He already knows that he’s doomed to have a terrible first impression when people meet him.

(y/n) nods, her eyes haven’t torn away from his lips and the markings that frame them yet.

“I thought you were… I dunno, different,” Her own voice lowers to a near hum, something curious lighting up in her eyes.  “I don’t know if you remember, but that exchange event, when we were still students, you made me run away from a fight,” 

Toge nods, recalling the day just fine.  Finally, her eyes flicker back up to meet his.

“I kind of hated you for that you know,” 

It’s not funny, but he’s laughing quietly.  (y/n) doesn’t understand it.  He just shrugs impishly.

“I don’t like being told to walk away from a fight,” She says, a seriousness in her tone that stood out in the otherwise tranquil moment.  “Actually, I don’t really like being told what to do at all,” She adds, almost as an afterthought.

Her eyes shift a few times back to his mouth, she does nothing to hide her glances.

Inumaki’s expression is knowing, she’d made it abundantly clear that she didn’t take direction from others very well, she didn’t have to tell him.  It took him, like, three tries just to get her to go out for tea.

“But…” She sighs through a long exhale, trying to release her pent up nerves.  “If you told me to stay, I wouldn’t really have another choice…” Her words are slow, careful, just like her eyes as she peeks up at him properly.  “Literally” She tacks on at the end with the tiniest of smiles.

Inumaki raises his eyebrows, unable to help the way his lips tilt into a smirk at the idea.  She’s not wrong, if he really wanted her to stay, he had just the right cursed technique to make that happen.  His eyes shift between hers, if only to appreciate the way her impatience becomes her, no matter how hard she’s trying to mask it.

He opens his mouth, takes a breath, and leans down to her height.  (y/n’s) eyes don’t blink once as she’s rendered breathless from anticipation.

Just as it looks like he’s going to say something, she does blink, and she nearly misses it.  Toge’s quick, leaning in swiftly to brush his lips over her cheek in a chaste kiss.  Her eyes are flying open to stare at him in shock when he pulls away just as fast as he’d leaned in.

She opens her mouth to say something- probably some sort of protest out of shock, but no words come out, and there’s no denying that she’s starting to grin.

Toge’s already smiling ear to ear, seemingly proud of himself.  He doesn’t give her any extra time to think of some witty thing to say, either.  Just holds his arm open to drape around her shoulders so that when they continued their walk, she was right next to him.  Still shell shocked, (y/n) finds herself blindly going along with him.  She doesn’t brush off his arm, or speed away, she keeps her pace purposefully in sync with his.  And after a few strides, she’s even closer to him than before.

Their walk is quiet for a while, each too preoccupied by their heads from that one little kiss.

(y/n) was practically derailing- had he really reduced her to this simple state from a kiss on the cheek? Was she actually making a mental checklist for moving preparations? Would she always feel a burst of electricity inside of her when he was close? 

It would take a business day or two for her to regain her composure and open her eyes to what she really wanted.  But Toge was happy to wait, especially when it meant he’d be the one right there when she was ready to admit how she felt.

Speaking off- Toge couldn’t wipe the grin off his face the whole journey back to Jujutsu Tech.  It wasn’t a long walk, but it felt like an eternity when he had the girl of his dreams under his arm, still blushing from one little kiss.

What an excitement it would be to get to do it again, and have her understand him.

[azure-cherie]

|𝑃𝐿𝑈𝑇𝑂 𝐴𝑆𝑃𝐸𝐶𝑇𝑆 |

What does Pluto represent?

It represents regeneration, metamorphosis, to change and become into something new , it represents innermost feelings, what have you discarded, thrown locked away , it can show where your blockages might be , and acknowledging them and healing them will lead you to embody yourself more , the core step of regeneration is acception so accept yourself for all the darks and lights and greys they will show you your own soul beautiful, empowering, unfearful.

This post is based on what's observed if it doesn't resonate please check other placements 🌷 This post can be read for tropical as well as vedic astrology however in vedic the outer planets don't matter as much .

Tw : I have tried to be honest and some stuff can be triggering please know that these are general observations

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Sun 🌞

Conjunct: These people go through a lot early on , like rejections, rumours that their kindness is fake , as they get older they get famous for a new look of theirs for example, someone maybe known for being a chocolate boy when younger but they age like fine wine as they get older , they like to take major risks in life . Their energy stays hidden from people who don't appreciate it in a way they will only embody their true self when they're truely appreciated . Their inner child is oftentimes locked and can be accessed and healed through breathing exercises, sunbathing, helping out poor children or lost souls.

Trine : They are known mostly for having a profound balance in what they do , like a beauty with brains type of vibe , they get famous for things they do authentically , are you ready to show yourself to the world if yes it will take you for all that you got , now you choose . A good placement for bombshell beauties , they are known for their unique looks eg : Angelina jolie, grace kelly , really revolutionary.

Sextile: They have a very experimental fashion and with every look of theirs , their outlook towards life changes , change in styles give them growth . Might be kind of control freaks and perfectionists but they actually work best in chaos and unpredictability gains a lot for them. Men with this are known to be very brave and powerful. People with this take challenges and criticism very well and use it to their advantage .let go of the mentality that society will only love you when you have all of the best things , infact the people who love you will love you regardless.

Square: These people literally have cults , their views are so strong that only people who really want to believe and deal take them , they will throw your triggers at your face. Believers of tough love , they might be a little too misunderstood, it takes time for people to get through their layers . You may think , here finally i know this person, but you'll be shocked about how much more they have to offer .

Opposite: These people have a lot of internal struggles , they often choose the wrong people to trust , fame isn't the best thing for them , a quite luxurious happy life is something they are content with . They have a very sophisticated face , they have a look of I'm satisfied but watch me do more kinda face . They are often famous for their aesthetic choices . Tw : fame may lead to early death , unless they learn to navigate it .

Moon 🌙

Conjunct: People have too many views about them and their mental health, they may suffer from a lot but you don't have to remind them , they already know and are working. They have a great spectrum of emotions and can be well known for writing their innermost thoughts. Intuitive and good at channeling and connected to their daimon. Divine inspiration always leads them . They have a very enticing and captivating face . Sometimes their speech is confusing, but they are trying to do good for you , might be a little rough at times.

Trine : They are intellectual and can provide anyone with sufficient motivation to do something. Good at telepathy and communication. They hold the power to influence people for good and bad . Have an easy navigation about their emotions. Some people might hate or be jealous because of how well they can navigate their triggers.

Sextile: They are soft and pure hearted , oftentimes known for their activism and support all the people around them with open hearts , it's a good placement for psychologists . They are known to persist despite all the hurdles around them . They like punk rock , and like to speak on dark topics for the welfare of society . Liked by many because of their authenticity .

Square : They like to mainly stay away from social media , as too much presence leads to people building wrong assumptions about them . They have revolutionary and conflicting views about things . These people regret not taking the right action at the right time . Can turn out to be manipulative and self sabotaging .

Opposite: They can be narcissistic, too absorbed. Though they introduce new trails of ideas , their speech is oftentimes too extreme and unacceptable. They are well known for their work . Known for their sad personality they feel things really deeply and are often confused about their own emotions. They have deep voices. People can really relate to their cries for help , they just need to have peace with themselves, and know that not everything shouldn't be known by everyone.

Mars ♦️

Conjunct : makes one a visionary for change , sometimes destruction. They have violent control of their emotions. Feels isolated initially which they turn into super power and channel it through their art and daily life . They can give great advice on just about anything, people trust them but also fear them .

Trine : hates to be ignored , when someone disregards them they get in moods of ignorance . Likes attention. They attract men who are a bit passive aggressive. Good at calisthenics , a lot of people consider their body to be a piece of art . Prone to knee injuries.

Sextile : common placement for royalty and fame after marriage ( rich powerful men ) . The people with this placement need to learn to love themselves, can be too fixated on others to love them which in turn creates a void, when they are developed , they enjoy themselves a lot , a very nice business mind and can give a good sense of life and the game of it . Lowkey reminds me of Shera .

Square : They like boyish clothing, can be stuck in scandals for example : Mila kunis for her age, courtney for the m*****r of Kurt, Kristin Stewart for cheating . They have a great sense of confidence , people try to copy them a lot . Usually they are trend setters in rare sectors . They tend to have a pull for life and the purpose of it but are confused often .

Opposite: Gives one strong sense of justice , however at times it could bounce back on them , for example they raised their voice against some injustice, it indeed hampers their image . Being a mediator is a peaceful case for them but if they choose to go for their heart that is true, they experience turbulence , initially until they realise life is all about give and take . Might give you a square face and lean body .

Venus 🦪

Conjunct : god knows you know about the deadly charm they exude , when Venus is conjunct pluto every step that you take towards healing and facing that is coming towards you , you are blessed in beauty ( how don't ask me try ) you become so self assured and so much more confident, they also have an air of knowing a lot even though they are still learning holy shit the grasp they have upon us .

Trine : These people can really turn their hurt into their power , they strive to get something in life, they know that whatever happens they can get out of it, so beautifully reminds me of the phoenix , rise like a beautiful song .

Sextile : you're intense you're full of depth and beauty, they have deep philosophical and in the core know that money cant buy all happiness but it's essential for their survival, they know how to strike a balance in life and really are the masters of their own fate

Square : Venus and Pluto forming squares gives one a drastic drive to be their authentic self to accept themselves in all their forms be it good bad or weird they aren't afraid to go through the little deaths in the self discovery of finding themselves again and again . They have many aha moments as they are always learning something new about themselves.

Opposite: this placement could bring internal struggles about looks and money , they think they can't manifest money but it's already written, these placements agree for you to accept them and work with them for your benefit. However this could also lead to them having a god complex and a feeling that they can do no wrong .

Jupiter ✨

Conjunct : These people are one of a kind very wise and you know those kinda people who give great advice because they have f*****d up in real time so with all they have gone through they try to live the best lives for themselves and everyone around them , these people are also very lucky in gambling, lottery and stock market .

Trine : blessed in marriage and business with people who see themselves in their true aura and still choose to love them. These people are dominating and they know what they want , don't like people correcting them too much.

Sextile : with a trine in this position one might go through this thing of being bad or fluctuating with money , once you have a lot other time you're blaming yourself for spending too much but be assured that no matter what , what you lose you will earn it back again too . They like to help the oppressed and the outcast .

Square : when in square you really go through the challenging times , the key to why you're great is because you can always self discover yourself again that's why the people around you see you in such a light of a leader , you're like a hierophant to the lost people because you found yourself again .

Opposite: you might feel unlucky that your luck doesn't work in your favour but her we talk about the solution so the thing is you're meant to work alright this pretty much like working on a child , you have to love your inner child so much so truly . you work hard for the benefits they work a little late but they def work c'mon it's with jupiter ain't no way jup ain't blessing you.

Mercury 🖊️

Conjunct: they know that the emotions they have good or bad are a result of innermost issues , very aware of their problems and solutions . Makes one a very good person to go for advice . Good in the logical sector , they like to chill or spend time reading stuff. They study or seek mental stimulation in times of distress

Trine : they can bring out their innermost desires easily through art and literature, healing when it comes to skin is fast for them , their brains work in a very result oriented manner , they think about the consequences and possibilities before doing something drastic . Makes one a lover of fiction of all kinds .

Sextile : They really find inspiration in the things most people don't see . They pay attention to the things most people ignore and find a way to use it to get a hold of information. These are the people with a variety of information in all sectors ,though conjunction and trine gives the intelligence, they choose to restore more as a built mechanism to enchant people

Square: this gives a hard time accepting this for what they truly are might lead to some anxiety and adhd issues , this could make one scared of changes . Early age bullying could be seen but with time , the youth of mercury and the resilience of Pluto makes one a visionary, someone who knows so much.

Opposite: might have a hard time to channel logic , though their emotions are alright . Might fall for fake promises and they have to work on their people pleasing tendencies. This gives one a hunger to do better in life , eventually they see that all that their mind is feeding them isn't true and they can always do better than what they have been taught .

Saturn 🪐

Conjunct :makes one a very disciplined person , they strive to work hard . You know the lana lyric " I'm doing it for all of us who never got the chance , and all my birds of Paradise " like wise they work hard so everyone around them can be happy and healthy, they make great people to bond with if you wanna succed in life and are looking for like minded people.

Trine : they are very hardworking towards what they want very goal oriented people. One thing i have seen is they can never work unless their work space is really clean , an organised view of things make their mind work better . People see them as someone who can be stiff at times , you can sometimes let loose is alright and appreciated to enjoy life .

Sextile : This works kind of like Saturn retrograde, the initial obstacles remain while Saturn gives the bad later in life when one has proven worthy to have something . Since life has thrown away them a lot of times they learn to be really humble , and try to assess all the possibilities before being sad about something. They understand that life is what you make it.

Square : might have a hard time following routines , they blame their luck a lot for having problems . When they get into healing themselves they have to deal with a lot of intense inner conflict and they might not take it very well , however to have a strong mind one has to deal with this tw might fall into depression. They come out stronger than ever knowing the power of free will .

Opposition: they believe rules are meant to be broken and i believe though this is opposition and might be malefic but being with Saturn and Pluto this gives one a very idgaf mentality which it turns out good for most times as one doesn't spend too much time contemplating. Might ignore their problems at times . But once in life the urge to get their life on track will occur and they will set things right for themselves. They want what they want by hook or by crook .

Uranus 🪻

Conjunct : They orchestrate changes, they are potent in telling people why they should do some things and why some things will bring them the better , they can really motivate people to live life for themselves. Usually they have strong sense of justice and remain very grounded .

Trine : They are free spirited, charming people , one thing about them is they can really see what others don't they can really put up the themes regarding what's beautiful and what's ugly and bring it to the world , work really hard to bring about equality in the society .

Sextile : This is a placement for the psychics healers and mystical beings , they learn that their position in the world is to heal and through their consistent efforts they heal themselves as well as others . They might find themselves in a state of dilemma sometimes as they are always energized with new ideas , they learn to channel it eventually.

Square : people with this can be a little stiff and scared about changes , they want things to be the same but to realise life's all about changes and how good one does to cope with it . These people are also very good at keep people on their toes. They guide themselves back to themselves. With this placement you don't loose your sense of self.

Opposite: A lot of people have their eyes on them and every move they make so they feel anxious and try to avoid changes . This placement can make one a control freak but if you choose to have faith in yourself and flow sometimes in life you will see the beauty of things that aren't forced , changes are necessary, cultivate the courage it requires to change .

Neptune 🌀

Conjunct : makes one a good artist , bestows beauty , other worldliness . Your dreams make so much impact in you daily life . Manifestation is your power you make it work for you all the damn time . It could bestow good healing powers and career in the therapy sector of all kinds. And this gives so much mystery to people.

Trine : They find very creative ways to channel their energy, might make one a bit lazy . They can work their emotions in a very creative way and achieve great things in life on the basis of their belief systems . Also good at predictions and reiki and astrology.

Sextile : These people are always full of surprises they have so much to give to the world , often they can come off as delusional but eventually they prove everyone wrong by getting all they want . However to warn the laziness if given a chance to grow will grow, so avoid it and go make the life you deserve

Square :. They have bizarre dreams , they aspire for a dreamland and seek ways to make the world a paradise , this in positive sense as they work hard to do things their way . Their homes are always so pretty and decorated . They can make anyone relax and calm down from the chaos . To truly grow in life they have to move with wisdom and have to accept all changes and chances with bravery.

Opposite : tw , this could lead to some sort of depression, addiction or inner conflicts , they seem and feel lonely or left out , they are great artists but their minds might be a little dark place to be in . To channel this energy properly is one great thing to live with the darkness and transmute it into light is great . Be sure of what you want and never ever bow down to what is trying to bring you down

I hope you enjoyed reading this post 🫂thank you so much, please consider reblogs and feedback it helps .

Suggestions for any post are open through the ask box

Have a great day/ night 😚

[astrobiscuits]

Chiron persona chart obs

WARNING: BRIEF MENTIONS OF ED, S*ICIDE, S*XUAL AB*SE. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND NOT TO READ THIS POST IF YOU'RE VERY SENSITIVE thank you

Stelliums show us where our main trauma or wound lies:

Stellium in Aries/1st house - body image issues/body dysmorphia, hating ones face and wanting to change it at all cost, being so focused on ones trauma that it results in excessive independence

Stellium in Taurus/2nd house - self worth issues, hating ones voice and/or being made fun of for how ones voice sounds, excessive shopping due to fear of having nothing, having stash of cash hidden everywhere in the house due to being scared of getting robbed

Stellium in Gemini/3rd house - being too scared to speak to others, hating the way you express yourself, being an overachiever at school due to fear of being seen as "stupid", fear of being run over by a bicycle or a car

Stellium in Cancer/4rd house - family problems (divorced parents, one of the parents is out of the picture for whatever reason, family members dealing with addictions, family abuse), issues when it comes to comforting yourself in times of crisis, HEAVY abandonment issues

Stellium in Leo/5th house - had to grow up too fast instead of enjoying childhood, fear of not being "the perfect parent", fear of not making it in the industry (for those pursing creative careers or following their passions), issues regarding getting pregnant and delivering a child, fear of being burned by the sun or by fire

Stellium in Virog/6th house - fear of contacting an incurable disease, issues regarding eating disorders, trauma regarding messy spaces, which results in OCD

Stellium in Libra/7th house - issues caused by getting cheated in a relationship, fear of trusting someone in a one-on-one connection, trauma resulted from business affairs which have gone wrong

Stellium in Scoprio/8th house - fear of death, issues caused by sexual trauma/sexual abuse, grooming, stalking, human trafficking, mysterious disappearances, divorce, taxes, loans

Stellium in Sagittarius/9th house - fear of not being able to experience everything one has always wanted, issues caused by not living to ones full potential, fear of travelling too far away, religious trauma

Stellium in Capricorn/10th house - fear of being forgotten and not standing out, issues regarding not looking & acting in a professional manner when needed, fear of not being promoted in ones career, the trauma is very visible to the public

Stellium in Aquarius/11th house - fear of not fitting in a crowd or a friend group, issues regarding being part of LGBTQ+ or a subculture often dismissed (POC, people with disabilities, orphanage kids, emos), trauma related to the country's government and (possible) implications in war, fear of dying in a natural disaster (earthquake, tsunami, volcano), fear of dying by electrocution or in an airplane crash

Stellium in Pisces/12th house - fear of being admitted to a prison, asylum or nursing home, having frequent thoughts of unaliving onself, fear of drowning, fear of what happens after death, fear of being misunderstood or made fun of for hearing voices and seeing things which aren't real

Moon shows us how we process our trauma and wounds:

Moon in Aries/1st house : screams, throws things around (maybe also breaks a few things), if anyone reminds them of their wounds/traumas, they'd literally break that person's neck; they might recklessly drive, play with fire or drink excessively out of anger

Moon in Taurus/2nd house : resorts to retail therapy, cooks their favourite meals, gets some comfy pillow and blankets and watches their favourite show; they're slow to heal their wounds, but they manage to do so

Moon in Gemini/3rd house : overanalyzes what happened to the point that they've thought of every scenario possible, (if they have more than one wound/trauma) switches between wounds, is usually open about their wounds and traumas with siblings and acquaintances

Moon in Cancer/4th house : cries 24/7, acts distant with people who are not close to them and defensive with those who want to talk about their feelings; they tend to have very, very unhealthy coping mechanisms (aka they resort to self-harm)

Moon in Leo/5th house : transforms their pain & wounds into a form of art - whether it's through dancing, painting, singing, acting, photography, videography; sometimes they might not recognize how much their past affects them, especially around others, they boast about how "it wasn't that bad" even though they're clearly affected by what happened

Moon in Virgo/6th house : focuses on the details, what they could have done better and what they didn't, easily becomes anxious, cleaning the house becomes a form of therapy for them; in case of physical wounds, they document themselves very well (sometimes they are even able to heal themselves, since this Moon sign in Chiron persona chart has a sort of 6th sense about medicinal procedures)

Moon in Libra/7th house : their s/o knows every pain, wound and traumas they've ever experienced, analyzes the past in a logical manner and tries to find a healthy coping mechanism, without hurting anyone else in the process; listens to sad, romantic songs

Moon in Scorpio/8th house : if someone else is guilty for their wounds/traumas, they're going to plot revenge and execute their plan in a discreet manner; often jealous, they might pursue fwb connections to stop thinking about their pain; the ones who manage to deal with their past in a healthy manner become a completely different person in the process

Moon in Sagittarius/9th house : dealing with their wounds/traumas opens a new world for them, they end up adopting a new set of beliefs as a coping mechanism, travelling to another country to get some space from their surroundings helps them heal

Moon in Capricorn/10th house : replays the past over and over again, they numb their emotions, if asked about their wounds/traumas, they answer very stoic; they also tend to be more realistic and don't like to tell themselves lies or hear lies about their trauma

Moon in Aquarius/11th house : resorts to technology to cope with the pain, is usually open about their wounds and traumas with their friends or on social media, but not with family; they might try some unusual coping mechanisms

Moon in Pisces/12th house : they isolate themselves from everyone in order to cope with the pain, meditation and breathing techniques are their to-go methods of calming their anxiety down; if they don't manage to cope in a healthy way, they dissociate and go through a depersonalization process or an addiction takes over them (drinking, smoking, they overuse medication etc.)

Jupiter shows us where we're blessed, but fail to see. The stronger the modality, the more obvious it is to other people.

♃ Jupiter in fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius) and/or fixed houses (2nd house, 5th house, 8th house, 11th house) are extremely blessed and everyone is able to notice, but the native.

♃ Jupiter in cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) and/or cardinal houses (1st house, 4th house, 7th house, 11th house) are blessed, but only a specific category of people notice it.

♃ Jupiter in mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces) and/or mutable houses (3rd house, 6th house, 9th house, 12th house) are still blessed, but the effect is hardly noticeable to anyone.

Those with:

Grand Trine/Kite/Yod (Finger of God)

Sun, Jupiter, North Node and ruler of the chart conjuncting MC and/or placed in 10th/11th house (minimum 2 placements)

Stellium in 10th house/11th house

-> have got amazing healing abilites and often end up pursuing careers where they help & heal society (usually as doctors, therapists, spiritual advisors, social workers, advocates who actually make a difference, etc.) They usually become famous for their healing gifts.

Other small considerations:

Ascendant shows us how we are perceived at first glance when we are dealing with pain

IC shows us how we are perceived by our family (or in a safe, secluded place) when we are dealing with pain

DSC shows us how we are perceived by our partner or best friend when we are dealing with pain

MC shows us how we are perceived in public (or in our career) when we are dealing with pain

North Node shows us our salvation (where we need to focus on in order to heal)

🕊 Sun trine Moon & Sun sextile Moon individuals have an easier time healing their traumas and wounds

🕊 Sun opposite Saturn & Sun square Saturn individuals feel the need to rebel from their father/grandparents, norms that have been imposed on them, old customs & traditions, institutions/government, in order to heal themselves

[dunmeshistash]

Why did Milsiril adopt Kabru

Milsiril might be one of the most misunderstood characters in dungeon meshi and I see people making assumptions of why she adopted Kabru based only on their races and not in the characterization, so I wanted to think about some of the "theories" I see the most often about what made her take him in and why I don't agree with them

(read more cause as usual I ranted a lot)

1 - Attention (white elf savior)

This is the one I have the hardest time understanding so I'm starting with it, I've seen people compare Milsiril to irl white wealthy women that adopt "exotic" kids to keep an altruistic appearance. Like a white mother adopting a chinese child because of white savior complex and for everyone to compliment them on how good they are but this idea ignores a core aspect of Milsiril: she doesn't like attention of her peers

Her bio reads: "The people around her teased her, calling her Gloomy Milsiril; partly as a result, she hates elves. (...) She secluded herself deep in the mountains and intentionally lives apart from other elves"

Milsiril is the type of person that has trauma related to her own kin, she was ostracized by everyone including her own family that sent her to the canaries, and as a result she herself refuses to engage with them even when they extend a hand as you can see with past Mithrun. The only other elf she's seen speaking to is Mithrun when he's sick and Helki. Her interest in raising short lived kids isn't seen as altruistic by other elves it's seen as another weird side of her so there's no incentive in elf society for her to do that. So she didn't adopt Kabru because of optics, she clearly doesn't care what other elves think of her and she hid herself from their judging eyes as soon as she was able to.

2 - She wants to feel superior to someone

Another one I find baffling but I can understand a little better since she's constantly seen in the caretaker role. But the evidence I see for this is literally the type of people she surrounds herself with.

The people we know she interacts with willingly are:

Her adopted short lived children

One of her prisoner partners (Helki)

Mithrun when he's in recovery

Based on these I can see how a very uncharitable view can interpret as "she surrounds herself with people that she's superior to" and it is somewhat true. But she's never shown mistreating or actually acting superior to any of them, if anything Helki is constantly hanging out around her (he was pardoned after Utaya and might be her servant now but their interactions seem very casual), Kabru says she teaches her children everything they want to know and she eventually let him go even if before she was hesitant to (as a overprotective parent) and Mithrun was still a noble with several servants when she cared for him so even if he was sick socially he was still the same. (considering both are noble outcasts)

The evidence both for and against the idea that she adopts children to surround herself with people "inferior" to her are all circumstantial so I guess it depends on how you want to see it. I myself think there's no evidence she thinks of them as inferior considering all we see she seems to treat them either as her babies (would you word your feelings for a baby as them being inferior to you?) or as someone she wants to nurture

3 - She wants to be in control of someone (Kabru is her doll)

Related to the above reason but slightly different, in this interpretation I see people assume she doesn't see Kabru as his own person but as one of her dolls to be controlled. As if she raises her children so she can play house and dress up with human dolls.

Honestly that's pretty cool and an amazing visual for an evil mom but there's zero evidence that that's the case. Starting with her actual dolls themselves they aren't dress up dolls or something she puppeteers in an evil way, they're literally her comfort toys she runs to when she's sad

She's making them by hand while crying cause she feels like she doesn't belong, her bio says the dolls are her only friends so it makes me a little sad when people act like her doll hobby is somehow a creepy aspect that makes her seem evil, since that's exactly how the elves think of her (creepy and gloomy)

Milsiril is clearly someone that enjoys taking care of others we see it both with her children and with Mithrun, but how to know if that's actual altruism or some twisted sense of superiority? How to know if she isn't the toxic nurse that just wants to be in power of someone? How to know she is actually helping the people she cares for?

Easy, she helped them until they didn't need her anymore.

She trained Kabru and taught him everything he knows, he's where he is because he had her help even if at first she wanted to prove he wasn't strong enough to go, he was. She sees Kabru as a small child because of their race differences but she still respected him enough to take the training seriously.

Mithrun actually recovered once she could take the time to help him, I keep reminding it but it was years after he was rescued that she went to help with his recovery (his bio says Utaya was what motivated him to finally come back and she was the one that went to tell him about Utaya and help out) right now Mithrun is able to follow a routine and live by himself, Milsiril isn't even someone he talks about as he is now.

Both people we know she cared for are completely independent of her now and neither of them even thinks about her much. A controlling person that wants to keep you within their grasp and keep you needing them would never actually help you be independent of them.

4 - Then why did she adopt Kabru?

I think it's an easy answer the way I see it: shared trauma.

What Kabru went thru is 100 times worse than what Milsiril went thru during Utaya, especially since he was just a small child back then and he lost everything, But Milsiril is still a war veteran, the things Kabru describes, people turning into monsters eating the others, all the death and destruction, Milsiril was there to witness it all and she failed to save them. her bio reads "After the incident in Utaya, she left the Canaries in disgust. She secluded herself deep in the mountains and intentionally lives apart from other elves" she was so traumatized by the events she both left "in disgust" and became a hikikomori. Earlier in her bio it also says "(...) The people around her teased her (...) partly as a result, she hates elves" I sure wonder what's the other part that makes her hate elves. (Probably is the way they dealt with Utaya)

I think she adopted Kabru because she wanted to give a good life to the only survival of the war she fought, the other destiny Kabru could have has would be the same Rin had, a traumatizing stay with the elves, Milsiril saved him from that fate when she adopted him. He wasn't a random brown kid she picked up, they share a traumatizing experience (once again: even if it was 100 times worse for Kabru).

The reason she adopted the other kids is also pretty obvious to me: she likes caring for people and she wants to feel loved. That's her ulterior motive to raise short lived children, she has elf trauma and she wants a family.

That doesn't make her a perfect mom or a perfect person tho*, she's just as flawed as anyone, I feel like people sometimes forget mothers are also human beings with flaws. Being flawed doesn't make her a monster, being loving doesn't make her an angel, she's just a person doing her best.

*She still has the ingrained elf socialization and clearly thinks of her children as babies, she treats teen Kabru almost like a toddler in some interactions. There's also the thing about her not fully understanding the importance of his cultural background. Struggles that I assume are common in interracial adoptions

Disclaimer cause this is the reading comprehension website: This is my interpretation of the character, some of it is very charitable towards Milsiril and I'm not talking about how Kabru might feel about her. I'm trying to think of their relationship thru her perspective and how she treated him because some interpretations seem to come out of nowhere to me. Kabru has complex feelings about elves and about his elf mom but overall I still think "overprotective foster mom" really summarizes his feelings. I don't think he resents her even with her flaws.

[cazshmere]

12th House Synastry and the Blockages Faced in the Relationship (Planet Overlays)

materialist🔖

DISCLAIMER‼️: This explanation is mainly from the perspective of the planet person, but the feelings and experiences described might also resonate with the house person. Both sides may find some relevance in these observations. Please note that this focus is solely on the negative outcomes of these synastry placements. There are undoubtedly beautiful and positive elements that can arise from these connections as well so take these with a grain of salt. These are just my personal observations and are meant for entertainment purposes only; it may not resonate with everyone due to the nuances of astrology. Please respect my work and avoid copying or stealing it. Enjoy reading!!

Sun ☀️ : With this synastry, the Sun person feels that their true personality is restricted or blocked. They don’t understand why or how the house person perceives them in a way that is far from who they actually are. Sensing the house person’s apprehension towards them, they might try “switching personalities” to appeal to or be accepted by the house person, driven by a need to please them. The Sun person feels misunderstood and is unsure why the house person doesn’t see them the way they want to be seen. The sun person could also be some sort of enemy disguised as a friend to the house person.

Moon 🌙 : With this synastry, the Moon person’s true feelings and intentions may seem hidden or concealed for various reasons. The Moon person might feel the need to put up a front to appeal to the house person and gain their acceptance. This can also manifest as the Moon person harboring negative feelings towards the house person but pretending to enjoy their company, reflecting the restriction of their true emotions. This dynamic can lead to a lack of genuine emotional connection and increase misunderstandings. A lot of jealousy also comes into play with this synastry

Mercury 🗣️ : As I'm focusing more on the negative side of this synastry, I have to point out that this is a major red flag placement 💀💀. Communication, which is crucial in any relationship, is significantly blocked here. The Mercury person might withhold their thoughts and intentions due to fear of how the house person will react. This could also involve the Mercury person bad-mouthing the house person or even snitching on them, while putting up a front and pretending to be all buddy-buddy with them. With communication being a barrier, this can also manifest as a language barrier or misunderstandings between the two, leading to further communication problems.

Venus 🩵 : Ahh, the planet of love being in the 12th house 😭—very iffy. With this placement, love is literally blocked in this synastry due to unfortunate circumstances. This could mean that the Venus person doesn't know how to be lovey-dovey with the house person and ends up being rude, though in a more playful way, as Venus tends to be gentler. The Venus person might feel that the house person won’t accept their love and as a result starts “teasing” or “playfully bullying” them as a subtler way of expressing themselves. Since the Venus person can’t externally express their love, they turn these feelings inward, leading to the creation of fake scenarios. In these scenarios, they are genuinely expressing their love for the house person, and what plays out in these fake scenarios is what they actually want to portray in real life but are somehow unable to. The venus person also feels that the house person might not understand the way they love and that’s why they end up not expressing themselves openly and that’s where unrequited feelings and love occurs. You will never know unless you try right?

Mars ❤️‍🔥 : Lmao, this one is the most interesting! As we know, Mars is the planet of initiation and motivation. When Mars falls in the 12th house, it blocks any chance for progression - be it physically, mentally or emotionally. Mars is a very instinctual planet, and being placed in the 12th house can lead to confusion about their true instincts. The Mars person might doubt themselves and try to pull back to avoid overstepping any “boundaries”but the mars person often takes the idea of "overstepping boundaries" a bit too literally and ends up not making any move at all. Contact is blocked. This has to be one of the worst synastries because if contact itself is blocked, how can a relationship even be formed? It blocks all the areas such as the development of love, feelings, communication, etc.

Jupiter 🧿 : This placement is comparatively easygoing, but as we focus on the hindrances in this synastry, it can present some challenges. Jupiter represents expansion and abundance, but when it falls into the 12th house, it amplifies themes related to spirituality, mysticism, spirituality, etc. While one of Jupiter’s natural traits is the art of bringing joy and luck into wherever it lands, this can manifest as the Jupiter person bringing immense joy and luck to the house person. However, the Jupiter person might come across as excessively optimistic, which the house person may find confusing or overwhelming. This difference in outlook can leave the Jupiter person feeling let down because the house person doesn’t share their perspective or beliefs. As a result, the Jupiter person might hold back their optimism and viewpoints to better ‘connect’ with the house person on a higher level.

Saturn 🪐 : With this synastry, discipline and structure are blocked. The Saturn person may feel off balance and unstable when they’re with the house person. The house person might have a very fluid and mutable way of living, which is probably something the Saturn person struggles with or entirely opposes. However, with 12th house synastry, there is often a need for pleasing and acceptance from both parties. As a result, the Saturn person might bend their own rules and try to go with the house person's “flow,” but they won’t feel comfortable doing so because it creates a sense of imbalance in their life.

Neptune 🧜🏼‍♀️ : This placement is quite tricky and can be confusing. Neptune, the planet of dreams and illusions, falls in the 12th house, which can block a clear sense of reality. The Neptune person might find their ability to perceive the house person’s true nature clouded, leading to misunderstandings or unrealistic expectations. The house person may feel like their true self is hidden or misunderstood, and the Neptune person could struggle with setting clear boundaries or distinguishing between fantasy and reality. This can create a foggy dynamic where both parties have a hard time grasping the other’s true intentions and feelings.

Pluto ⚡️: This placement can be intense and transformative, but it also comes with its hurdles. Pluto is all about transformation and power, and in the 12th house, it blocks the ability to fully experience or enact personal change. The Pluto person may find it difficult to navigate deep transformations within the relationship, leading to feelings of being stuck or unable to evolve. This can manifest as unresolved issues or hidden power struggles. The house person might struggle to understand or support the Pluto person's need for transformation, leading to a dynamic where growth feels obstructed and hidden tensions simmer beneath the surface.

Uranus 🛸 : This placement brings a unique set of challenges. Uranus represents uniqueness and innovation, but when it falls in the 12th house, it blocks the ability to fully express or embrace individuality. The Uranus person might feel stifled or unable to showcase their unique qualities in the relationship, leading to feelings of frustration or alienation. They might struggle with feeling accepted for who they truly are, and their innovative ideas or unconventional traits could be suppressed. This can cause the Uranus person to feel disconnected from the house person, who may not fully appreciate or understand their uniqueness.

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