#or well I guess not entirely new to me
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"rhaenys could have ended the war by dracarysing all the greens right there" yes because a distant relation to the throne deciding to barbecue an anointed and publicly positively hailed king and his entire family who is well loved within the city and in multiple other parts of the country for the sake of the succession of a far-away princess no one was ever on board with who hasn't been seen by the populace in literal years, her psycho husband, her three obvious bastards, and two toddlers from the psycho husband would go over super well with westeros and especially in king's landing where scores of the still-cheering population were killed for no reason by that same dragon who would do the barbecuing, because when targaryens act unilaterally without thinking of how the people would react there's never any problem, which is why the storming of the dragonpit and robert's rebellion were actually just collective delusions dreamed up by readers who hate rhaenyra and not key parts of the story and house targaryen's history that directly contributed to their demise and are intrinsic to the plot
truly team black stans are made up of only the most genius and media literate amongst us
#personal#house of the dragon#anti team black#i mean i guess??#like the crowd was cheering for aegon HARD#and they were always on board with aegon#and the hightowers are a powerful house with a lot of allies#and alicent and helaena specifically were well loved by the people in king's landing and the realm at large#and none of them ever liked rhaenyra or daemon who again have been MIA for basically a decade already#and again targaryens overreaching their power and not taking the people into account#is the reason why their house fell into oblivion and now rests entirely on a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL WHO IS THE ONLY ONE LEFT#if she roasted the dais the mob wouldn't have even let her leave they'd have killed her and meleys both in a heartbeat#storming of the dragonpit but a couple months earlier#the thing to remember is that i think a lot of team black stans are just kinda stupid#and do not care about the story at all or the actual intricacies of the world and its politics that is so important to the dance#(remember the rumors of rhaenyra mistreating helaena and alicent literally led to rhaenyra's death)#(because it led to the mobs and the storming of the dragonpit and the death of joffrey and her being driven out)#(and thus having to go to dragonstone where sunfyre got a little meal out of the whole debacle good for him)#(along with all of her ten million other shitty political decisions)#how do you profess to be pro-targaryen without even knowing targaryen history and where they erred and how that ended them#like *i* like the targaryens you guys have heard me talk about the conquerors all the livelong day#but i am also smart and i understand the world george created and the concept of repercussions#anyway yeah i am Annoyed at that new daemon clip (wow what a shock something annoyed me and had daemon in it)#(my least favorite character who could have foreseen this)
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can we PLEASEEEEE talk about nico sturm's white boy swag PLEASE. like what was that. why were the sharks so intensely hiding his white boy swag. "oh we got him for his face offs" WHAT ABOUT HIS WHITE BOY SWAG. imagine if the sharks had not made a holiday music video we would not have never known about nico sturm's insane white boy swag. ik you all are consumed with thing1 and thing2 and also thing3 and thing4 but what was going on with nico sturm in that video, we need to discuss. why was he the only one giving it's big and i know what to do with it energy. ON THE SHARKS?? HELLO
ALSO. cody ceci can't rap nor should he ever again get his ass off the mic but he DID sound like an npr show host. he has the smooth tenor of a man telling me on all songs considered that this all-female octogenarian shoegaze quartet is going to be playing at hardly strictly bluegrass this year. or like a guy who was an overnight host for a classical music station. he's telling me he's got gershwin to accompany me through the cold winter night. he's signing off with an instrumental version of "st. james infirmary" at 6am. he calls his listeners his "lovers" and gets away with it bc the only people who listen to overnight classic music stations are lonely old men and particularly unwell college students. ohhhh cody ceci you're wasted as a dman you should be romancing old men
#HEAVILY REDACTED BUT I FEEL NICO'S BDE IS THE REASON MARIO HAD TO LIE AND SAY HE'D BEEN YAPPING TOO MUCH#guys i woke up so evil this morning i think i spent six solid hours airing my grievances to ko until i realized it was because my feet#were cold and had been all day. went to beryl and said beryl my feet are cold and beryl said well i think wool socks are going to be#better for you in this climate than cotton and i said WHAT DO YOU MEAN I NEED A NEW WARDROBE FOR AN ENTIRELY NEW CLIMATE#like i did have a winter coat and winter boots to be clear but?? so i made a large wool sock purchase and a smaller slippers purchase#and can i state for the record i did live in baltimore for four years over a decade ago when snow was real. i did live in a colder climate#than the bay area winters i have become accustomed to#but looking back i just have no memory of how i survived that. friends from ohio telling me how to dress i guess#keats got a new parka too. but i bought that before i realized i was cold. but if HE'S cold I'M cold#i think ko heard like every complaint under the sun. i think i invented new things to be cheesed off at as i was going#except the 15 minute interlude where i turned to k and popped off about how the sharks treat goosh#but if i start talking about that again the sap center is in danger of becoming a new feature in the wetlands#fine i will be brave and say it. i think nico said ok if you lost your adhd fidget toy (phone) then i will give you a new one (his dick)#BYE. BYE#fresno oilers.txt#my feet are cold :(#fresno oilers.write
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poll below!! for funsies:
#star trek#star trek meme#poll#star trek fanart#star trek tos#star trek the original series#leonard mccoy#bones mccoy#spock#jim kirk#mcspirk#tos#meanwhile as i shitpost i just started a new fic in my notes. we'll see how this goes (i say knowing full well i hv never finished a fic b4#mainly i write for my own entertainment#posting actual writing is harder for me than posting art tbh! yes i put parts of myself into everything i make#but with art theres more plausible deniability in a sense. like i know that theres people out there who would probably enjoy my writing#but man that mental hurdle is. something (hums)#but sneak peek i guess? aight#His stomach is in knots the entire long-winded diplomatic dinner. He's not really listening as Jim makes cordial conversation with some#important so-and-so whose name he can't pronounce and whose forehead-- or whose approximation of a forehead is impossibly distended and#pulsating in a way that sends alarm bells coursing through the primal caveman part of his brain and fills the#medically trained part of his brain with morbid curiousity.#thats the entire first paragraph lmao. ill bet u five bucks youll never guess what happens next (mcspirk spice. but with so many feelings.)#ooh we're at 740 words!! im trying to make the intro as short as possible because i have a horrible habit of getting distracted#mmm the power of adhd
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who needs encouraging fathers when you can get fortune cookies that tell you you're doing a good job and that it'll all be okay
#nvm. the second fortune told me to suck it up and work harder. this is exactly like having a father.#this post is very deeply joking and unserious as I tend to be btw lmao.#shitpost hours#idk if I ever mentioned this before but my stepfather literally has a gridded map of our yard for the annual easter egg hunt.#he maps out where he put all of them (over 100 eggs. 25 for each sibling). [big yard. backs up into the woods.]#I think he had it on excel one year.#I only escaped doing the egg hunt a few years ago. I am in my twenties.#you guys know that scene from Psych where shawn's like 'dad you literally dug an egg 2 feet underground one year#and still expected me to find it' and the dad was like 'ok well i left loose dirt to indicate a dig'? yeah. it's that lmfao.#I love him but GOD. not easy being the only type b person in the family lmfao.#like. that's FUN for them. for me it feels like boot camp but they're all having a great time I guess#they're all very 'give 110% all day every day' type people and i'm like. idk. i think 36% sounds nice. doesn't 36% sound nice?#anyways. I truly believe that oversharing online is okay if it's kinda funny. also this is not new information lmao.#like. oh noooo the internet knows that i'm a bisexual with daddy issues. there's only like 5 billion of those on tumblr 😭#that's like 1/4th of the entire userbase so i think it's okay to disclose lmfao.#I am NOT unique in any way shape or form ✌️#anyways. back to finals work but tomorrow i'll catch up on dms/etc lol
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browsing stormlight art on tumblr and ran into a post about how different dalinars life would have been with a somewhat healthier childhood and i think someone tagged it 'kaladin adopts young dalinar au' or something
anyways i propose a Make Everybody Worse au. teenage dalinar and gavilar get dropped directly into formenos and unofficially adopted by feanor a few years before the flight of the noldor. they both participate in the First Kinslaying/Oath/Losgar and then feanor dies. maedhros adopts them and then thangorodrim happens. maglor adopts them for a few years until mae gets rescued. they participate in the first few decades of the wars of beleriand, after which they get dropped back into the middle of alethkar.
on the noldorin side of things, m&m assume the random children they sort-of adopted (300some years before Secondborn were awakened) got killed somewhere in the battle. the kidnap fam situation now has the additional context of m&m having known even more pairs of children who died because of the Oath - one pair killed in the Second Kinslaying, one pair who presumably died in battle because they swore the Oath
on the alethi side of things, dalinar & gavilar are now Oathbound kinslayers who just lost five-to-ten parental figures and all their friends, and spent most of their lives being actively encouraged in war and military strategy. they also skipped the entirety of the navani-related conflict and are probably somewhat closer because of that. violence ensues.
#stormlight archive#silm adjacent#crossover#dalinar kholin#gavilar kholin#feanorians#silm crack i guess#why would feanor adopt them? not sure#though if two vengeful children with swords speaking an entirely foreign language fell through his ceiling he would want to Study Them#and given that they have no apparent way to get back to roshar and no other guardians i dont think nerdanel would object to it#shed probably be interested in figuring out alethi language at least#give them five years and the kholins have brand new red crested helms and noldorin steel swords#and feanor has a freshly revived linguistics special interest and a brand new treatise on alethi glyph writing#actually yeah he would absolutely be fascinated by Alien Writing System#(meanwhile im sure the kholins would be vorin-ly scandalized by Man Who Invented Written Language lol)#inspired by me reading all the bondsmith parts of oathbringer and reflexively going 'no oaths!!!'#like theres a little elrond in the back of my head lol#but yeah. worst of both worlds. congrats kholins have fun#even elrond gets bonus oath trauma despite being born several centuries later#from what ive seen teenage kholins were definitely bloodthirsty enough and common-sense-lacking enough to swear the Oath#so theres an opportunity to work more Oath Feelings into it for celebrimbor as well#since they would be around his age years-wise i think? just human age instead of elf age but close enough to probably know them#lol imagine curufin going 'hey tyelpe your grandfather wants to take in these weird kids he found. theyre Aftercomers who speak#an alien language and write completely differently and they fell through the ceiling. do you want to go chat with them or something'#tyelpe having Weird Aftercomer Not-Cousins around his age who 'died' for the Oath...
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Mmmmmmm, thinking about how in 1x02 of Alias where Sydney tells Jack that she has thousands of questions plaguing her ever since she found out he was also a double agent, but how she needed to know the answer to only one of them: Did he know that Danny was going to be killed?
He simply said yes. That's it. And she slapped the heck outta him.
Later on, Will asks Sydney if she knew Danny had a flight booked for Singapore on the same night that he was murdered. She didn't know, but she plays it off and lies to Will saying she did, it was for a medical conference.
Jack could've said something, explained himself when she first asked about Danny. But he chose not to. Maybe if he tried to explain himself, it would be like talking to a brick wall, or maybe she would verbally run him over if he tried to add something after that yes.
Instead, he chose to keep it simple, concise. If she figures out the truth, cool. He just wants her opinion of him to be her own, and not influenced by him trying to justify himself to her. And he ultimately doesn't want to force his relationship with her. He wants it to be her choice. The only way he's trying to convince her is through his actions, the quiet and unseen actions that are an attempt to keep her safe. He may have been too late for Danny, but he'll do his damnest to never be too late for Sydney.
And no, those aren't tears in my eyes. It's raining outside. I'm inside, you say? That's irrelevant. Leave me alone. 😭😭😭
#i watched the pilot and second eppy last night#and it was like i saw more new things i hadnt seen before even though ive watched the entire series over a dozen times through#jack & sydney make me go insane dawg 😭#my first blorbos ever#will this turn into another watch through? well see....#alias#jack bristow#sydney bristow#jack & sydney#alias meta#i guess#and dont get me started on how she thanks him for doing that for danny and how he said he wished she took him up on his singapore offer also#they make me wanna frow up
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you'll be pleased to know that on my first day back at my job after my two week vacation i am already in one of my semi-regular Job Crises where i feel like if i dont find a new, better job soon im going to explode into 5 billion pieces
#in case you were wondering if i was handling it well#considering getting some sort of degree . but i cant afford that!!!!!!!!!#but i may need one. if i want a better job........#this is so evil. where are the jobs where you can just do fuck all#in all seriousness back to the degree thing im considering getting a degree in library sciences but i dont even have a bachelors 💀#i was too broke for college! had to work! still have to work! no time or money to go to college then or now!#my crisis aside its extremely funny to me how im not even through my first day back and im like oh lol right i hate every minute of this 👍#also im trying not to have Severe guilt abt the ticket(s) i bought the other day like some crazy person but thats another story#yes ill make the money back yes ill enjoy the show but the Guilt..........#which was entirely because my dad was like >:( when i told him i got a ticket for a Far Lesser amount#and im just hoping he doesnt notice how much my bank account has gone down. oops#but that aside and back to my job crisis:#i cant stand it here!!!!!! i really do hate it!!! and i need a new job. however? everything abt the job process is awful and against me#i was planning on writing an article when i got back from vacation but you guessed it im now too stressed/upset to be creative#which is hampering any possibility of my creative aspirations becoming some sort of career#im so tired. already right back to where i was before my vacation when i really needed a vacation#:( . like ill be fine lol i just. am going through it and these tags have gone on too long#but i think i really will get worse if i stay here for longer and its not even that bad but by god sometimes it is#anyway . im taking it well
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Really torn between "this story is really important to me and I want people to read it" and "isn't one of the reasons I decided to never enter the professional publishing world because marketing myself stresses me the fuck out? and also I'm extremely bad at it??"
Things to consider as I contemplate making a post and blazing it on tumblr.
#I'm considering making a post and using the money I got from patreon last month to blaze it at a low level#an easy come easy go attitude towards the money#it's not the most effective way of marketing but it's the baby step version lmao#the putting a sign up on the telephone pole next to your house form of marketing#I guess we'll see if that actually gets me any new readers#then go from there#man I have known some VERY charismatic writers who wrote like two mediocre books and managed to segue that into an entire career#and then other writers who are fantastic and always put in the work but struggle to get any attention on their books#I think so much of it is personality#the one person I'm thinking of had a real cult of personality (emphasis on the cult) and that led to problems down the road#but boy did they market themselves well in the meantime lmao#anyway I have the personality of a hermit crab so it is not the part I'm good at haha#I just wanna leave my manuscripts on people's kitchen table like elves or something#but alas#anyway I might try the blaze idea after I put up this week's chapter#I feel like by chapter six people will know if they like what I'm doing or not
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.
#I'm not back yet but I do have cool things happening in my life that I want to scream about so#here I am for a moment!#so first of all#I paid off my mortgage?? like the whole entire thing???#I just. own my whole entire house outright now. no recurring payments to continue living here.#except property tax and like. other bills but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN#so that was last week#and then THIS WEEK#guess who got a promotionnnnnn#(it's me I did)#got a fancy new title and a raise ayyyy#been dying with work lately so I damn well deserve it too lmao#anywayyyy hi everyone I love you I miss you mean#mine#personal
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how do you get your colors to look so nice and your lineart so red and vibrant? i love it
omg anon thank you!! 😭 im going 2 be honest I am Not Great with color theory... but i like having my sketch pages look cohesive to me...
BUCKLE UP this is going to need a readmore bc i like talking.
I always sketch in neon colors it's a habit i picked up from an old teacher but I'll think of a color usually on a whim and draw with that. and then if i want to draw something else ill pick another color that i think goes well with the page. usually most of my color schemes r analogous (colors right next to each other on the wheel)
yanked this from recent dunmesh post; i kept most of my colors within the pink/red/orange range.
i wouldn't recommend doing everything in monochrome or analogous palettes though because it's sort of a guilty crutch of mine XD.
sometimes when im coloring ill change the layer mode of the sketch. color burn gets you either very very bright or very very deep colors depending on the color of the flats underneath. multiply and linear burn do the same thing but they're a lot tamer and generally always return darker colors. im sure there's some technical bits behind this though. ill either color my lineart afterward to compliment the color of the flats, leave it as is, or mess with layer modes if i feel like it. my favorite trick is color burn + linear burn + some combination of two lineart layers and just fiddling until i get a nice burn effect.
mithrun was done with crimson red on color burn.
coloring... like 999% of this is relative color which is like. kind of the idea that colors look different when placed next to each other. if you eyeball it a bit it's pretty noticeable.
what i used to do a bit ago was i would fill in the area i wanted to color with one big mask of color, make a new layer that has a clipping mask down to the flat layer of color, and then draw my actual flat colors. the color of the mask helped me pick my flat colors bc if I picked a color i think stood out too much next to the mask i could kind of just adjust it until it looked a little more cohesive.
old ish drawing next 2 a canon reference. i ignore local color a lot...mea culpa....but my overall color palette here was a light pink, so the shirt here is actually a desaturated pink? or violet i believe. if you shift sort of that purple color far enough into the gray area of your color wheel it can take on a blueish or even greenish hue. it being next to a lot of warm pinks/fuschias helps.
a neat thing that kind of helps is that if you desaturate or saturate certain colors they can kind of take on a certain hue? not sure if this makes sense. sort of how orange here turns tealish blue the grayer it gets. so if im drawing something that's predominantly orange and i have a blue color i can just take an orange color and desaturate it until i get a color that sort of looks like blue. and that way it kind of looks more harmonious? at least to me XD
shading. i don't apply serious lighting to a lot of my drawings, but a helpful bit is that the shadows tend to be the opposite of whatever color the lighting is? i try to think first about the "mood" or the main color i want to go for in the drawing and then i pick a shadow color opposite of that. so for here, i wanted the lighting to be a coolish magenta so the shadows r lime green. if there's anything off i fiddle around until i get something i like. the shadows on the skin here were too green initially so i shifted them a little more orange.
there's a "band" of color going on between the transition of the shadows to the light. generally this could be for a lot of reasons and i tend to use it differently (core shadow? overexposure? etc etc). but this is a color post so ill try not to go too off track.
but generally digital doesn't "mix" colors the same way traditional colors do if you use RGB (cmyk is a bit better with this but is kind of a pain to get used to), so to make blending a little less muddy, i sometimes add an intermediate color to smooth things out a little. for example, mixing digitally blue n yellow tends to get you gray, but generally, blue + yellow makes green, so if im making a blue->yellow transition ill slap some green color in the middle so it flows a little better.
I do a lot more cel shading nowadays. if you've been on here for a while earlier this year i have another style of coloring but it's not really accurate to how shadows really work so i wouldn't recommend looking at it. it's mostly to add zest and texture to the underlying flat colors.
coloring your lineart does a TON to helping your colors look vibrant, though its like the garnish on a dish to me (same with shadows). i think it's good to try and play with your flat colors and try to make sure those look in order first before adding flourishes. usually ill leave it a dark, saturated color that again matches my overall palette but sometimes i go in and color them by alpha locking my lineart layer and picking a color that matches the flat colors underneath? not sure how to explain it properly.
i used a darkish purple for shuro's ponytail to match the dull red of the flat colors (more relative color! trying to simulate a black/brown while keeping the pink palette there) but a lighter crimson for laios's blond. the light was this super intense like blush pink so i thought it might be cool to add this neon salmon red in the areas of that light to really give off that vibe of a very bright intense rim light.
sometimes you could also tweak with gradient maps or color balance, which adjusts hue based on how light or dark a color is. these r fun to mess with as a final touch but i need to watch using them because they can become crutches real fast XD but those are also just tools to help you. in the end just developing a good sense of how color works and how you want to use it is the best place to start.
LONGASS ramble but yeah. tldr just kind of train ur eye for color and look at what you like best. which is unhelpful and a little sucky but it really is just observation and practice and maybe some personal zest.
happy drawing!
#SORRY THIS IS THE SIZE OF CANADA I YAP A LOT#i like being thorough when explaining myself a lot XD but i think the easiest way to get good with this is just repeat practice n observing#and figuring out how stuff behaves in certain situations and what you like to do and blahblahblah#if you have artists u like that do this well looking at how they use color might be cool#...i feel this entire post is just putting my entire thought process on blast LOLLL.#“eyeball it out” -> study some actual fundamental stuff and or intake new info or art -> apply it back to just eyeballing it out#i dont think i have a natural sense for some basics#but i dont think im naturally one of those people who grind out studies all the time and breakdowns either#i guess i just kind of like knowing the mechanations behind why to do a certain thing or how stuff works and then figuring out#how that translates into what i know nerd emoji#james gurney has a good book on color and light#if you like reading. but its very informative!#quirinahscreams#ask#anon#this is mostly just me talking about how i draw i dont think this is meant to be educational or informative XD um
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Kinda thinking about whether I should post some of my art on here should I find the time to draw again ... on one hand I think it'd be nice to share it, but on the other hand I'm worried that somehow, people who know me from my regular account will stumble across this one and recognise my art style, and I'll be called out/cancelled because they probably won't understand this community🤐
#I don't think it's very likely that would happen bc most of them aren't interested in these topics so how'd they even find this account#and those who are hopefully wouldn't take an issue with it#in fact I think there's at least one person who (probably unknowingly) follows me on both my accounts😅 it's kinda funny to me#so guess at least they wouldn't have a problem with it even if they knew#to clarify *if* I did post art here it might be mostly Krebsdorf shipping fanart and maybe a bit of Rommel and Bayerlein#so I think it's not even something so bad that could really be called '''pRobLemAtiC'''#my other account isn't even big so I'm not worried about getting cancelled bc of that I just don't wanna potentially lose my friends :(#I love them but some communities I'm in are a bit uhh ... sensitive I guess#hence I made this an entirely new account (not a sideblog) to be able to keep it entirely free from connections to my main if I want to#though I think I probably won't be able to refrain entirely from talking about my interests over there as well#just in much less extent and in a more 'socially acceptable' manner#idk I'm just a pro at overthinking these things in all sorts of ways
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Episode 8 I am so scared....
#mel magical girl transformation.... her mother's weapon... christ... mel will save them all vi step aside!!#this is so funny... mel with her bodysuit and golden bodypaint walking thru the valley with her new pet crow.... slay#SINGED WILL CONTROL VIKTOR???? AND VANDER??? AMBESSA ENOUGH! VIKTORS VOICE OMG!!#LORIS REMINDING VI OF VANDER NOOOOO I KNEW THIS WAS COMING!!! CAILTYN TAKING MADDIES HAND AWAY FROM HER AKDJSK#arrested jinx???? OH MY GOOOD JINX!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HER PUPILS ARE SO WIDE SHES SO OUT OF IT#YES CAITLYN END THE CYCLE!!!!! they repaired the council table with golden stuff.... YES JAYCE FINALLY REALIZED!!!! OOF NOT THE BEST MOMENT!#UPSIDE DOWN KISS COME ON!!! Viktor realizing too that it has been all jayces fault.... this is so sad.... what a breakup#silco talking to jinx about breaking the cycle... he became a hallucination too.... not so bad like the others thats inch resting#THE HUG NOOOOOOO YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH HER????? SHES GONNA DIEEEEEEE NOOOOOOO VI AGAIN IN PRISON UNABLE TO SAVE HER SISTER!!!!!#theres no good version of me after we just fucking saw it im gonna be sick.... SEVIKA AND THE FIRELIGHT GUY IN THE COUNCIL ROOM??#what tf are you wearing jayce.... an outsider force putting an end to a civil war who woulda thot.... OMG THE PARALEL TO THEIR FIRST MEETING#WHAT THE HELL!!! NOT IN THE PRISON CELL!!!! AFTER VI JUST TOLD HER THAT??? AKDJAKSJ CAITLYN HOLD YOURSELF!!! my god i need a pause#vi does look so good from the back.... but my god why are they doing this now akdjsksjk maddie is upstairs akdhaksn WHYYYYYYY NOW????#no WAYYYYY WE GOT HER BACK TATTOO REVEAL NOW!!!!!! WHAT THE HEEEEEEEELLL OH MY GOOOOOD VIIIII GOING DOWN AND LOOKING UP THANK YOU GOD!!!!AAA#cait laughing... girl i would too... that was all so detailed too like damn... vi was amazed by the Kirammountains....#so thats it... can i be honest.... a little too unemotional.... like their kiss was something else entirely....#but this is vi just going DAMN!!! RIGHT NOW!!! and pouncing... which i understand but their bed scene... come on.. i needed to cry with this#so no talk about reconciliation..... *throws phone on the floor and jumps in skateboard and breaks it in half*#vander dying with viktors humanity..... and sky.... viktor getting his mask.... my god.... and vander losing his memories.... should we all#talking tag#watching arcane season 2#watching arcane#you know i understand caitlyn admited she was manipulated and what vi said about second chances but.... apologies please.....#oh now i get it she sent the guards to the gates so jinx could escape..... alright alright... i thought she did that only so they could fuck#well vi did follow her sisters advice and got with her i guess akdhaksjak which okay is nice bc she said she didn't need to feel guilty#about being happy.... alright i understand now *viktors voice*#alright i was slow my bad... vi pounced on her bc she is just so grateful that she let jinx go and cailtyn did let go of her anger.... aight
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Ah fuck, even Incomplete Ruler sounds so much better on my new headphones. The amount of times I've streamed this song from DAY 1 of this year (more like week 1) is insane and we're now close to the end the year.
#if we get news that fourth beat is being adapted I'm PRAYING that we get a fifth beat at some point#part 4 absolutely destroyed me last year (as well as madoka magica)#but part 5 completely changed my world view on certain things and that's definitely carried me through this entire year#even if it's been very shit (I'm basically stuck in purgatory lol)#I guess that the 'moral of the story' I've taken with me through this entire year is that it's okay for things to end and that doesn't-#-have to be a bad thing and even if it was the memories were and are continuing to be made are invaluable#anyways enough with my cheesy ted talk#this post was just a long way of me saying that I know Incomplete Ruler is going to be my No.1 most streamed song on spotify this year#(if not that would be the betrayal of the century)#it should be obvious from my @ how much this song means to me#I know that the year isn't over but I'm wishing all of you the best#especially to you guys directly experiencing all the bullshit that's going on in the world#(to put it lightly because it's more than just bullshit but I digress)#I should probably end this ramble because it's getting too long lol (my last point still stands though)#i7#idolish7#thoughts#rambles#kia's posts#kia's thoughts#personal#november 2024#idolish7 game spoilers#to add to bbrc later
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you wait twelve tormenting years for something and then it's over in a moment.
#landslide.mp3#closure feels like a release and i guess i've never fully felt that before#in it's sadness it's quite beautiful really#and a lighter grief than all that i had carried up until that point#though there is still inevitably some grief shedding those layers of heavier grief is a freedom I'm grateful for#days and moments you thought may never arrive become poignant turning points moving forward#it's both a terrifying and wonderful feeling to look at the uncertain future without being dragged down and drowning in the past any longer#seeing the new growing hope of being able to rebuild and recreate and carve out something fresh#that maybe there's still chance for your life to change no matter how much you've lost to grief and illness and suffering#it's not just an ending to a chapter in my life but an entire volume with multiple losses culminating to a single moment of liberation#and ultimately of peace or as much as you can get in this life#well i suppose this is a small prayer to a new life that may treat me kinder than i have previously been#and that i may feel human again#and if not then i will still remember this moment for what it is and for finally making sense of that which had haunted me for so long#and maybe one day i'll understand why it had to be such a long journey#it will be like telling a story that i can no longer comprehend had happened to me as the distance grows alongside me only this time kindly#;
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I've always wanted to wake up from a dream laughing and I just did but I realized after I woke up that I have missed a million social cues :((((((((((((((((( it wasn't even funny idk why I couldn't stop giggling. I dont even giggle irl.
#this also may have been a separate dream#i was in this big aquarium swimming and walking around. it was like. you could swim in a lot of the exhibit and interact with the animals#i had some sort of mission and i also found a baby seal who i picked up and was carrying around as i wandered around#eventually i ended up in this little nook that had one of the adult seals/walrusess? so i let the baby go but the adult was not into it and#i heard someone day something like “aw he still has hope”#theres this kid that works at the aquarium and i tell him to come with me for some reason. its around this time i realize this is some movie#the kids boss is like “next time you leave your post you gotta dive out”#and im worried a bit allready sbout him leavin his post with the adult walrus up there.#then suddenly the glass starts breaking everywhere. like one crack then the whole aquarium starts falling apart#and the kid seems a bit worried.#as were all evacuating i decide that its my fault. because the walrus must have been ramming the glass while the kid wasnt watching.#i remember thinking about how this was a movie or something and feeling really dumv#then yhe dream was over snd there was s recap??? in like drawing form and it showed the main character (me) putting a bomb in the center of#the aquarium in some sort of well or something. so. i guess it really was completely my fault in a different way than i thought#then later im at some sort of party or something and then i leave the party for another party or something? and i feel really bad sn#and socially innept the entire time. the person who i think i reconize we start talking and theyre like the first person whos nice to me#and were talking about following eachother on Instagram? or somth#while their scrolling i see a video eith one of my old friends and shes on the news? the headline is like “me and cathy snd the murder#victim...“ or something. and im like ”hey thats my friend“ and the person just shuts their phone off.#any ways so this person lets me hitch a ride with them back to the original party. they get out of the uber super early but its the right#house and the tell the driver that hes lost and the DRIVER gets out. so im like oh i guess this is their car??#and so they drive up to the drive way and three more people start getting in the car and theyre like putting stuff in the trunk#and talking about where to sit and i just start giggling.#and im still trying to participate like i offer to sit in the middle. theres already someone sitting at the front but he gets out and#everytime someone says anything i start giggling??? and like its sunny and everyone is very attractive in a way that o just found so funny#and then eventually two of then run over to this like panel dash board yhing that on a wall outside and like messing with it opening the#glove box and stuff and i just wake up#and immediately upon waking. well first i was like “teehee. i woke up from giggling” then i thought about it and i was like “oh. i was#take the front seat :(#dream log
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So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday
#honestly maybe it's better this way. i'd rather just not care at all rather than be super stressed about it#just like i've been doing with every little thing for most of my life#might have missed the date when we were supposed to choose our elective courses. well whatever Lol#and i still don't even know what my schedule is or what classes i have this semester oopsie#well the university itself doesn't seem particularly pressed about giving us the schedule either#but i'd probably better still read up on the classes at least before they start#i don't have high hopes for this year just like with the last. probably should just stop pretending that i still want to study anything atp#this wasn't even my first choice of a course bcs i had to prepare for that damn exam to be accepted for my preffered one#but i couldn't be bothered to study for it again which probably should have told me enough abt whether going into this again is a good idea#i'm so tired just thinking about it but i know that actually looking for a job and then having a job will be a thousand times worse so uh#but at least i'd have my own money and start doing something ughhhh. useful maybe. who knows what it will be though#i have no ideaaaaaa. but this feels like just putting off the inevitable. like at some point i need to get my shit together#i will probably report at the end of the next week about how i'm so done already#i don't really knowwww mannnnnm. i don't feel like i had any vacation at all even though 3 months have already passed#and i also sort of didn't prepare something relatively easy to do that would have given me an actual document#that would confirm that i actually finished that part-time school thing last semester#can't really be bothered to come back to it at this point though#well at least i learned something actually useful and interesting from that and that's enough for me tbh#and a lot of it is also relevant to my current area of interest (digital drawing and computer graphics in general)#well speaking of which i'd better just get back to drawing now lol. just one more left to finish!!!#in short i guess that my new way of dealing with stress is just ignoring it all#well it's worked in some way at least so it can't be an entirely bad thing lol#goosepost
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