#or use my excess income to help him

[thisqueernerd]

.

[makeitmingi]

When Flowers Bloom In The Dark [Chapter 2]

Genre: Romance, Mafia!AU, Violence, Angst, Slow burn

Pairing: Hongjoong x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Florist!Reader, Mafioso!Hongjoong, Mafioso!Seonghwa, Mafioso!Yunho, Mafioso!Yeosang, Mafioso!San, Mafioso!Mingi, Mafioso!Wooyoung, Mafioso!Jongho

Summary: When you appeared and wept at his mother's funeral, Hongjoong found himself wanting to find out more about you. A regular girl, who owns a flower shop in his territory and has a relationship with the mother that he hasn't spoken to in years, why hasn't he ever noticed you before?

[Warning(s): 18+ for violence, use of weapons, smoking, alcohol consumption, slight gore, gang affiliation, tattoos and character deaths. Minors DNI. This is a work of fiction and does not represent the Ateez members in real life.]

Word count: 3.2K

With an iced tea in hand, you unlocked the glass doors of your shop and entered. You turned on the lights, placing your tea on the counter and your bag in your locker. Since you were the only worker here, there was no one else to use the lockers but you.

"Roses, tulips, carnations..." You grabbed your notepad to check the incoming deliveries today. The first thing you did was check on your plants and water them.

"You're growing well." You smiled softly, seeing the plant that you sprout, moving the pot away from the direct sunlight.

"(y/n)?" You heard the familiar voice of your supplier at the back door and went over.

"Good morning, Mr Lee. Do you have any surprises for me?" You giggled. You had a good relationship with all your suppliers, they always helped you bring in quality products.

"Well, besides your usual orders, I have some hydrangeas if you would like." He climbed into his truck.

"Here." He pushed the bucket to show you.

"Oh, they're absolutely beautiful. I'll take them." You smiled. He nodded and helped you bring everything in, he usually knew where everything went.

"Sunflowers aren't selling too well." You shook your head in disappointment, seeing your sunflowers there.

"Sunflowers aren't trendy anymore. Have you seen what's on the internet? My daughter told me that girls are content with just bouquets of baby's breaths now. How times have truly changed, right?" He chuckled with a click of his tongue. You nodded and moved the roses into the refrigerated area.

"It's a minimalist thing, no? Bigger isn't better anymore. No one comes in for traditional bouquets anymore." You sighed, going to the cash register to get the money.

"Tell me about it... And this should be everything." Mr Lee said, glancing over the flowers that he brought in.

"Thank you, this is the payment." You handed the money to him. He nodded and placed it in his pouch.

"Also, Mr Lee. I remember you mentioning that Mrs Lee keep getting her hands burnt when she's working at her restaurant. I made her an aloe balm. This should help soothe the burns." You held the tin out.

"Oh, you're too kind, (y/n). Thank you so much for making this." He patted your shoulder.

"Have a nice day. See you next week." You walked him out.

"See you." The both of you bowed to each other and he jumped into his van before driving off. You returned to your counter and began your work for the day.

"Let's see..." You checked the online orders that you had and printed it out for reference.

Moving to your work bench, you began to prepare the flower preparations for each other. You trimmed the stems, removed the excess leaves and cut thorns away before wrapping them up with either cellophane or tissue paper.

"Hello? Are you open?" The bell above the door jingled. A girl walked into store, carrying a pot with her. You cleaned your hands and walked out to the front.

"Yes, we're open. How can I help you?" You smiled.

"My fern seems to be wilting and I can't seem to revive it. Can you help?" She asked.

"Let's see what's the issue." You escorted in. She placed the pot on your work table and you inspected it. The girl patiently waited, watching you as you checked it.

"From what I see, the soil isn't draining water properly. It's retaining too much water and suffocating the roots of the plant." You said.

"What? Can that happen?" She blinked.

"Yes, so that suffocation prevents the roots from absorbing the vitamins and minerals. You should mix a well drainage soil of this ratio and move your fern in." You wrote the ingredients down.

"And I can find this at the plant store?" She asked, reading through what you wrote down.

"You should be able to find the components. But if you don't mind waiting, I can mix some for you to take home." You offered. Hearing that, she let out a sigh of relief and nodded her head excitedly. You went to your storage area to grab the different soil components that you need.

"Peat moss, sand and potting soil." You mixed the components into a bag, adding some fertiliser as well since the fern currently lacked essential nutrients.

"For two weeks, put two drops of this plant reviver into the soil even if you are not watering it." You handed her a small vial.

"Thank you. Actually, do you mind repotting it into the new soil for me? I'll pay you." She requested.

"Alright." You took the fern out and got rid of the old soil. You poured the new soil in, creating a well to put the fern in. After that, you loosely covered the roots with the soil.

"Done." You smiled, removing your gloves.

"Thank you. This is actually my mum's plant and I'm helping her take care of it. I know nothing about plants." She said in embarrassment.

"No worries, the plant should be fine from here. If there are anymore issues, you can come back." You chuckled and rang up her bill. She nodded and paid.

"Thanks again." She bowed and walked out of the shop. After that, you went back to preparing your orders. There were some pick ups today so you wanted to make sure that everything was in order for a smoother pick up.

"Hi, I'm here for a pick up?" A guy walked into the store.

"Sure, can I see your order number?" You asked. He showed you the confirmation email and went to retrieve his order. It was a flower box instead of a bouquet.

"Just make sure everything is okay for you before paying." You said, rounding the counter to the cashier.

"Do you mind changing the ribbons to pink too? She really likes pink." He requested.

"Of course." You grabbed the ribbon. With pink flowers, you wanted to add contrast with a different coloured bow but since he wants it to be pink, there was no issue with changing it.

"That's better. Thanks." He handed you his card.

"I wrote the congratulatory message as you stated in request email but if you'd like to write your own message. This is a spare card, on the house." You handed him the blank card.

"Thank you, I don't know what else to write but if I come up with something I'll add it." He rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. You hummed and rang up his bill, writing the invoice and handing him a copy, along with his credit card. With a grateful bow of his head, he left the shop.

Before you knew it, the clock hit 1pm, with customers coming in to buy, place advance orders or collect orders they've placed.

'Closed for lunch.'

You sat behind the counter with a tired sigh, taking out your lunch box. Your meals usually consisted of sandwiches or leftovers from dinner the night before.

Which was why Mrs Kim would usually come with food for you, always disapproving of how your eating habits.

RING!

"Sorry, we're closed at the moment." You said from behind the counter, not looking at the door. But you didn't hear the second ring of the door opening again so you stood up.

"Oh!" Your eyes widened in surprised as Hongjoong stood there, looking around the shop.

"Hongjoong sshi..." You blinked, maybe you were dreaming. Maybe your guilt was too much that the male was appearing in your dreams.

"Good afternoon, (y/n) sshi. Is this a bad time? Should I come back at another time?" He asked with a slight tilt of his head, fingers resting on the buttons of his blazer. You shook your head, reaching to get a tissue to wipe your mouth.

"It's fine. What can I help you with?" You came out from behind the counter to properly greet him. He patiently waited as you pulled a chair for him to sit.

"Please, would you like something to drink?" You offered.

"No, I'm fine. Actually, (y/n) sshi, I came to apologise for my reaction during my mother's funeral." He stood back up.

"What? There's nothing for you to apologise for, Hongjoong sshi. I should be the one apologising, I overstepped and said too much. It wasn't appropriate of me." You bowed deeply.

"You didn't overstep at all. Your intentions were good, I reacted poorly." He bowed back.

"No, you're grieving, it's normal." You smiled softly.

"Thank you for understanding." Hongjoong held his hand out but remembered that it was bandaged and cursed under his breath, hiding it and putting his other hand out for you to shake. If you were phased by his injury, you didn't show it. You smiled and slipped your hand into his to shake.

"I should go and let you carry on with your meal." He said once you both let go.

"No, it's fine. You can stay if you'd like." You smiled softly. He let out a small hum and continued to look around your shop, observing all the plants around.

"So, this is where my mother hung out?" He asked, picking up a stalk of rose from your work bench and twirling it.

"Sometimes... She would come for lunch or tea. We would just chat over food." You replied awkwardly.

How much were you supposed to say about Mrs Kim to her own son? You didn't want to sound like you were boasting about your time with her either, that wouldn't do any good.

"I see." He said, placing the flower back down.

"Hongjoong sshi..." You rubbed your arm, unsure of how to continue this conversation.

"Sorry for making you uncomfortable. Just... The truth is, you know a lot about my mother that I don't. You've spent time with her while I didn't so I can't help but feel curious. My relationship with her wasn't as good as she made it out of be." He informed.

"Oh. Hongjoong sshi, it's not my place to judge you or your relationship with Mrs Kim. Whatever relationship I had with her is vastly different from your own." You said.

"You're very kind, (y/n) sshi." He complimented. Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment.

"I should go." He stood up.

"Wait before you go. Your bandage, do you want me to help you replace it?" You pointed. Hongjoong looked down and saw the blood beginning to seep through.

"It's fine, I shouldn't take up more of your time." He shook his head.

"Not at all. I can help if you'd like." You offered. With a soft sigh, Hongjoong sat back down.

"I'll go get my medical kit. Be right back." You told him and went to the back room to get what you needed. You also took a salve that you usually used for wound care.

"I'm not a doctor but I am first aid certified and I study medical plants in botany so you don't have to worry." You smiled and took a pair of cutters to cut away the bandages that Yeosang had wrapped around Hongjoong's hand. Hongjoong quietly observed you, not saying anything else while you focussed.

"I made this salve for wounds. It should help with soothing the wounds and healing." You explained, cleaning the blood.

"Do you always make your own medicine?" He asked.

"No, I just make simple stuff. I'm still learning." You giggled, tucking your hair behind your ear before applying a thin layer of the salve over the cuts and wounds.

"Does it hurt?" You looked up at him. He shook his head and you sighed in relief.

"You can bring that home with you to apply when you change bandages. I have some more." You explained.

"You do a better job than my brother." Hongjoong said after observing how you properly wrapped a new bandage around his hand and secured it in place.

"You should remove the bandage after 3 days to let the wounds breathe and dry." You said.

The entire time, you never once asked Hongjoong about how he got injured or acted differently. You treated it like any other scrapped knee and healed him. Usually, people would be scared or ask him how he got injured like that.

"Thanks." He looked at his newly bandaged hand.

"You're very welcome. If you see signs of infection or get a fever, go to a doctor." You advised. He nodded and took the small pot of salve, putting it into his pocket.

Will he use it? Probably not. But he saw how dedicated you were and for some reason, didn't want to disappoint you by not taking it.

"Bye, Hongjoong sshi. I'll see you around?" You blinked at your own words, uncertainty in your voice.

"Have a nice day, (y/n) sshi." He didn't address it, merely bowing his head and leaving your shop. You let out a long exhale, feeling like you've been holding your breath the entire time.

"Ah!" You suddenly remembered the silk handkerchief that you had washed and in your bag.

"Too distracted." You scratched your head and went to the counter to eat a few more bites of your lunch before you had to reopen.

You were not too bothered that you hadn't returned the handkerchief to Hongjoong. Even if you did feel guilty, you had an inkling that you would be seeing Hongjoong again soon. What ate at you more was how foreign Hongjoong spoke about his mother, like she was a stranger that he didn't know.

"Hongjoong, where are you?"

"I went out to run an errand, Seonghwa. Don't worry, I didn't drive. I got the driver." Hongjoong sighed, sinking into the backseat of the Rolls Royce he was in.

"I'm not worried about that. I just wanted to make sure you didn't do something dumb like blow up a building."

"Geez that happened ONCE, let it go... And I'm going to work, I have to go to my club." Hongjoong said, looking at his bandaged hand.

"You don't have to go back to work right away, Hongjoong. The boys and I can take over while you take a few days. You've needed to take a break for a while."

"I'm the leader of Ateez, Seonghwa. I don't need all of you to take over my work." Hongjoong replied.

"But..."

"Yes, my mother died. But sitting around isn't going to bring her back to life. I still have roles to fulfill, I'm not going to let anyone strike us just because I'm down. There are people counting on us, relying on us." He continued.

"Alright. Stay safe then, Hongjoong. I'll see you at the docks meeting at 5pm?"

"Yeah, thanks Seonghwa. I'll see you later." Hongjoong hummed and hung up. The car stopped before Hongjoong's club and the manager came out, opening the door for him.

"Good afternoon, Mr Kim." The manager bowed. The club wasn't open yet so Hongjoong could get some administrative work done.

"Get me a drink and come up to the office." Hongjoong said, walking into the club.

"Yes, sir." He bowed. Upon his entrance, all the workers stopped and bowed down to greet their boss This was the main club Hongjoong worked out of so they were used to seeing him around.

"Give me 10 minutes. No one is to enter." Hongjoong told the guard who stood by his office door.

"Yes, sir." The guard bowed.

Hongjoong entered his office and sat down in his chair. There were some things he needed to do and catch up on privately, without any interruptions. As the leader of Ateez, he had to keep track of the other Ateez members and their work, on top of his own. But the boys always did their work so it wasn't hard on him.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

"S-Sir?" Hongjoong heard the timid voice of the club manager outside his door, making him look up from his phone where he was sending messages to Yunho.

"Has it been 10 minutes?" Hongjoong asked back, tucking his phone into his blazer pocket.

"Yes, sir." The male on the other side replied.

"Come in." Hongjoong said. The door opened and the male came in with his iPad and Hongjoong's whiskey in hand. Hongjoong nodded over to the chair and the manager bowed, taking a seat opposite him.

"Update me." Hongjoong took a sip of his drink. The manager began to update Hongjoong on the business.

"We have been thinking of letting our bartending apprentice go. He had been drinking on the job and getting drunk." He informed.

"Who?" Hongjoong leaned forward.

"This is his profile. The next page has some employee complaints and customer complaints that were logged." The manager informed, pulling up the ex employee's profile and handing it over to Hongjoong to look it over.

"I won't read this, let him go. I won't let anyone be caught lacking in my business. One complaint is as good as ten. Make him compensate for what alcohol he took." Hongjoong instructed.

"Of course, sir." The manager nodded, taking back the iPad and going through the other updates.

"Continue to manage necessary manpower and suppliers to the club. Revenue is still good." Hongjoong told him.

"I will. Thank you for giving me this responsibility, sir." The manager bowed from his seat.

"This is the list of VIPs coming. As usual, make sure they are well taken care of." Hongjoong slid over the list of VIP names and the dates that they would be coming.

"Of course." The manager folded the paper and put it in his pocket.

"You can go." With that, Hongjoong waved him off and he left. Hongjoong may seem cold and merciless but he treats his employees right, at least those that do their job well. He is a perfectionist and always wants the best, there shouldn't be anything that's lacking when it came to his business.

"Send Wooyoung and San for that private poker game. That's wheret they'll meet our informant." Hongjoong said to those that were in the group call.

"Oooh, I can get a new suit done." Wooyoung's focus and excitement was obviously on other things.

"What about the governor meeting that's coming up, hyung? Are you going with Seonghwa hyung?" Jongho asked.

"Seonghwa should go with Yunho. They know how to work the charm. Plus the governor's wife seems to favour Yunho." Hongjoong thought out loud, making the other laugh.

"No one can resist that face." Seonghwa chuckled.

"Yunho's ears just turned bright red." Yeosang informed and the others could hear Yunho's yell of protest in the background.

"Wait, what time is Seonghwa hyung and Hongjoong hyung settling the issue at the docks? I want to tag along, I could use some action. It'll be fun." Mingi asked.

"Oh! Me too! If Mingi's going, I want to go!" San agreed. Hongjoong could hear Seonghwa wanting to interject but it was ignored. Hongjoong and Seonghwa could never fight the younger ones, they were simply outnumbered.

"You guys always make a mess when you get involved... This time, call your own clean up crew." Seonghwa hissed.

"You gave in way too easily, Seonghwa ah." Hongjoong laughed and leaned back into his seat.

"I already have enough to think about. I have to pick my battles. Plus, if they can handle it for us, I won't risk getting blood on my new coat." Seonghwa said.

~

Series masterlist

[fawnsflowerbed]

Morning Wood (NSFW) || Leon Kennedy x Reader

(This is an older piece while I work on requests so enjoy [all of my older stuff was written in 3rd person])

Leon’s feeling far too comfortable to get up and out of bed - too tired to help Chris prep for winter with the wood pile. Let’s just say Y/N took matters into her own hands, and mouth.

Warnings/content: fem reader, 3rd person (she/her), use of Y/N, soft morning head (male receiving), whiney dom Leon, dumb fucks almost getting caught by Chris, RE4 Leon onwards.

Word count: 2,076

!! NSFW UNDER THE CUT, MINORS BACK UP OR I’M TURNING YOU INTO DOG FOOD FOR THE B.O.WS !!

━━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━━

━━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━━

Leon never imagined his life being this calm after years of constant survival. And yet here he was. Beneath warm sheets in a house he could call home without worrying about incoming zombies or rabid dogs.

And next to him, stirring slightly in her sleep, was the love of his life. Something he thought he’d never have after his excessive running. But here she was. He smiled, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead. She groaned at the light through the window, tilting her chin up to look at him as she slowly woke up.

“Hey, you.” He muttered softly, she smiled in response.

“Hey, you. Are you ready to go do that thing with Chris?”

He instantly frowned. That’s right, he’d agreed to get some firewood with Redfield. Most of the survivors of Raccoon City and the Arklay Mountains had settled into a smaller neighbourhood outside of the chaos of the city, and they were making a nice living. But Leon wasn’t in the mood to leave bed. He pulled the covers up to his shoulders, shifting onto his back and closing his eyes with a quick yawn.

“I think I’m gonna pass on that.”

“C’mon, winter’s coming up. Chris needs your help to get that firewood done. You promised. You have to be up and ready in around two hours. And we both know how long it takes you to get out of bed.”

“Whatever you say, short stack.” He settled back into his pillow, ignoring her request. He closed his eyes once again, slowing his breathing to try and get back to sleep.

“Leonnnnn.” She dragged out. This was a usual warning of ‘shut up before I hit you with a pillow’. But he still wasn’t budging.

“I’m not getting out of this bed unless you can find a decent way to wake me up.”

At first, he thought that was an easy enough request. He heard the rustle of the sheets moving beside him and at first thought nothing of it. Y/N had thrown her leg over him, which was fairly common at this point. They were always in close contact in the mornings. “Fine. I guess I’ll stay here with you then.” He felt her hips move slightly as she slowly began sliding on top of him. When she got close enough, she relaxed again.

Leon raised an eyebrow. “What are you planning?”

“Nothing whatsoever. Go back to sleep.”

“Well that was suspicious, but alright.”

At first he believed her. Sure, she was a mischief half the time, but maybe for once she was telling the truth. That’s when he felt it. Her clothed pussy pressing directly against his morning wood, exactly where she wanted it to tease him. He closed his eyes tightly to suppress a sound. He spoke with a slight smile. “That’s what you were planning.”

She couldn’t help but smile right back at him. She moved her hips slightly, just enough to build that delicious friction without any real pleasure. She was rubbing his cock up and down across the silk of her underwear, teasing him with what was so close but so far. Of course she knew every nerve to touch. He hissed in a breath.

Yet she stayed cuddled into him innocently, batting her eyes at him as she continued mindlessly rocking against him. He sighed out in order to control himself, settling back into the pillows still warm from his past slumber. He cleared his throat. “I can survive this. I’ve spooned you for hours. You’ve gotta do worse than that, gorgeous.”

She froze in place. She stopped moving. Part of him was secretly disappointed. “Are you challenging me?”

“Maybe.”

He felt her move once more, an action he likely should’ve been more cautious of. He opened his eyes to watch as she pulled the sheets over his waist. She shifted down to the bottom of the bed, resting her chin just below his belly button. Just knowing she was in such a close proximity to his hard on made him restless. He stared at the roof, refusing to let her win as he felt her cold fingernails brush against his skin underneath his briefs as she slid them down to free his erection. He took in a long inhale, trying to keep his composure. They were both stubborn, and often had these kinds of head-on situations with one another, be that in public over who’s right or in the bedroom to see who’d break first.

And he’ll admit, the soft padding of her thumb rubbing just over his tip leaking with precum almost made him cave.

“That the best you’ve got, princes-”

His smug remark melted into an open mouthed moan as Y/N slowly took his cock into her mouth. His head sunk into his pillow, hips shifting slightly in response. She didn’t stop though, she gave herself plenty of time to take his whole shaft into her mouth and down her throat. “Holy- ah, fuck.” He practically whined from the sensitivity of his cock, fists grabbing handfuls of bedsheet. She hummed against him, letting his dick stay in her throat for a moment to feel every twitch before taking him out slowly. “Y/N, sensitive-”

But she knew this and used it against him, rubbing the tip of his cock along the top of her throat as she began slowly bobbing her head up and down. He sucked in a breath between his teeth, his back rigid. She’d made her mouth into his own personal cocksleeve. His hand went down into her hair on instinct. His open hand took grip of her hair to steady himself, trying his best to be gentle.

She let herself get comfortable on her elbows, eyes creeping up to see Leon begin panting at the feeling of his cock moving in and out of her throat, over her tongue. Just watching his dampened hair stick to his forehead from his sweat, his chest puffing with each breath, sent pleasure through her whole body. She leaned into him more, angling herself to take more of his dick down her throat. She’d give anything to make him keep feeling good. His hips bucked up slightly, a breathy moan falling from his lips. “Jesus Christ.”

She knew every place to hit, every part to give attention to stir a reaction out of him. He had to stop himself from fucking up into her mouth, holding onto a fistful of sheets as he suppressed as many noises as he could. She lifted herself off of him completely, smiling up at him as she spoke. “Something wrong, handsome?”

“Oh, fuck you.” He laughed out, inhaling slowly as his head tipped back once her lips reconnected with his cock.

All she could do was giggle at this, fitting as much of him into her mouth and throat as she could without gagging. He whimpered out against her hold on him, hand resting down on her cheekbone as she brought her mouth back down onto his dick. It took every inch of his self-control to stop his hips from bucking up into her throat, desperately chasing his release as he abused her fucking amazing throat. She was a perfect fit for him in every way. But for now all he could do was twitch inside of her - shakily speaking, practically begging. “Fuck, I want to move. Please, angel.”

When she looked at him and nodded her eyes said it all. She wanted the exact same thing. In an instant his hips began slowly pushing his cock deeper into her mouth, a low groan of satisfaction dripping from Leon’s lips. “Shit, that’s a good girl. Thank you, gorgeous. Thank you.” He whispered softly, eyes hooded in lust as he reached out towards her face. He wiped the forming tears from the corners of her own eyes from the assault he’d started to make on her throat. With every thrust he grew a little quicker, a little sloppier, a little closer to the edge. “Look at that pretty face, taking me so well. Christ. You’re perfect. So fucking perfect.” He panted out, admiring how his partner looked taking his length into the back of her throat with each shift of his hips. Every thrust brought a blissful sound from Leon’s mouth, his pure animal instinct for pleasure taking over as he abandoned all of his shame.

Y/N could feel her own heat staining the sheets beneath them just from the feeling of his cock gliding past her lips over and over, combined with every whimper and moan. She couldn’t help her own sigh of pleasure around his dick, eyes now hooding as she felt herself being mindfucked. All she could think about was him. How good he sounded and felt, how good she must’ve been making him feel. And he must’ve been close now, as his hand began stroking slightly against her face as if warning her. “Sweetheart, I’m-” He was struggling to form full sentences, too caught up in the pleasure building in his lower stomach. But that’s exactly what she wanted. She stuck her tongue out further, hoping more of his shaft would slide against it and push him towards his climax.

“Fuck, sunshine. You sure you want me to?” He sounded like he was choking on his own voice. She somewhat smiled around him to give him his answer. Leon’s thumb brushed over her throat to feel his cock move in and out of her. He could practically see his bulge. That filthy image was enough to drive him towards the edge. “Shit- Fuckkkk, baby.”

Her name rolled off his tongue in the best way as a guttural whimper moan mix followed it, his hips jolting harshly into her throat. His cock twitched and jerked inside her, watching with blown pupils as she gladly swallowed down his spent, tongue teasing his still sensitive tip. He looked like the wind had been knocked from his lungs. His hand ran lovingly into her hair, panting almost animalistically with a devilish grin.

“You’re in for it now-”

But then there was three strong knocks at the front door.

“Leon, hey its Chris. You decent in there?”

Shit.

“Fuck, fuck.” He whispered his curses, Y/N instantly stopping her movements. She laid down so he could cover her with a few blankets. They both silently hoped that Chris couldn’t see the very clear outline of Y/N’s body. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m good.” Y/N flicked her tongue against the side of his shaft, forcing a cough out of Leon. He looked down quickly with a ‘don’t you fucking dare’ glare before the door unclicked and he covered her head with a thin blanket.

He came in, somehow completely unaware of the situation at hand. “Hey, sorry for just walking in. I know you usually sleep in so I wasn’t really surprised when no one answered the door.”

“I never told you that, how’d you know?”

“Oh, Y/N told me a few days back when I dropped by.”

Chris looked out into the hallway at the front door. Leon took that opportunity to fuck up into her throat as punishment, hissing at his own thrust. She had to stop herself from gagging. “Did she now?”

“Yeah. Anyways, don’t worry about the wood. We got a shipment that came pre-logged, so we’re gonna use that first.” He shrugged causally.

“No worries then.” The fact that Leon could speak so casually as his girlfriend laid with his dick in her mouth was a genuine talent.

“Back to sleep I’m guessing?”

He stifled a scoff. “Bye, Redfield. Lock the door on your way out.”

“Will do, rookie.”

He was gone, and thank god for that.

She took her lips off of his cock, his cum still on her mouth which she wiped away with her thumb. “Rookie? They’re still calling you that?”

“I’ll never forgive Claire for starting that goddamn nickname. And what’s this about you talking to him about my sleeping habits?”

She smiled innocently, leaning her face against his now softening cock. He winced from the sensitivity. “He came by asking where you were, I wasn’t gonna lie to him. Besides, I like to keep you out of bed and on your toes.”

He shook his head, smiling. He took a strong hold of her chin to pull her face up to his. “You and I both know you’d rather have me in bed all day for your own reasons. Now lay down. It’s time I repay you. Or get payback. Depends on how I’m feeling.”

[planetformer-central]

New Oc because I have no self control! This is Null, based heavily off Bioshock's Big Daddies, he's my newest creation and I already love him.

Lore and rant below the cut.

Null was forged an Outlier. His unique ability? The nullification of other Outlier abilities when they are within a certain radius. However, this power has not been without consequence. His spark produces his nullification field by producing a severe excess of energy. This doesn't hurt him in the slightest since the energy seeps right out of him as he goes about his business. But for those around him? Their sparks can desynchronize or otherwise become unstable due to the influx of outside power. Interacting with him can cause sickness for normal Cybertronians and even death through prolonged exposure.

For these reasons, the Council took him when he was still very young and melded him with a suit they created for him. The suit is now as much a part of him as his original frame and it takes all his excess power and stores it within the canisters on his back while keeping him from remaining a walking biohazard. With his suit, he can control how much power he exerts and when he does so. Additionally, he can turn his excess energy into fuel for his inbuilt blasters, powerful weapons that are practically military grade. The cost of this is that he is incapable of interacting with the world normally and occasionally has aggressive fits due to being unable to project his excess energy normally. He desperately needs time outside of his suit, but he is forbidden to exit the armor, and so has largely dealt with his bursts of aggression by taking it out on anyone who looks at his wards wrong.

He had the Council on his side to give him free reign to do as he pleases so long as he fulfills his function.

To make use of him, Null was made into the Outlier Overseer. His entire function is to watch over Outliers, specifically the young ones, and keep their powers under control. They do not suffer from the usual side effects of his ability due to their similar level of oddity and instead find him soothing to be around since they naturally absorb the power he emits without issue. Null has been shadow played to be obsessed with his role, so much that he does not care for any faction. His only function is protecting Outliers. While intelligent and fully aware, he is so dogged in his duty that he can and will fall into bouts of what could be considered insanity when on a mission. The younger the Outlier, the more protective he will be.

Surprisingly, he does not mind in the slightest when his wards decide to leave of their own free will. He only acts when they are taken from him forcefully.

With that said, He can and will go on murderous rampages against anyone and everyone who tries to harm an Outlier. This has led to many sticky situations where, with the rise of the war, Null has found himself protecting Autobot and Decepticon alike. He refuses to take a badge, instead wandering in order to better care for his wards and keep them safe from harm. Even still, there have been several occasions where he has protected Tarn from a few stray missiles, Soundwave from a reign of bullets, and strangely enough, Prowl, from oncoming enemies.

(His care for Prowl raised many MANY questions. To this day, the Autobots chalk Null's behavior up to assuming Prowl's processor augments were the work of an Outlier ability.)

Null wears an Autobot badge, but kind sparks on both sides of the war have helped him with repairs he cannot do himself from time to time. They know he is a victim of the Council, and so long as he is left alone, he is a peaceful being. The only times factions have actively made use of him where during the final years of the war while it remained on Cybertron. The Decepticons lured Null in with an Outlier and actively placed the Outlier in front of an incoming Autobot assault. Null was quick to protect who he saw as his charge.

He fought well, but was overwhelmed. His injuries were severe, but the Autobots had no desire to kill him, and so placed him in stasis. He has only awoken again now that the war is over, and he is trying to return to his role in a healthier manner with the help of medical professionals and quite a bit of aid from what little data Shockwave left behind.

He's really quite a softie, albeit very very cautious of his proximity to others. Well of course, right up until someone touches one of his wards.

[atlasofthestaars]

[MK X READER] New Era - Chapter .008

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NOTE: Hope to have fed you Bi-Han fans well with this chapter! I literally hopped into the game before writing this to relearn some of his combos for this LMAO He also. Crashed my computer when I tried to send a screenshot of his movelist. 

Also, this chapter does get a little down during certain parts?? You’ll see what I mean, but I did want to say that just in case?? Oh yeah, and violence, I know this is Mortal Kombat, but just in case you needed the warning?

Finally time for Havik’s poll! As usual, the poll will run for a week! 

This is the last call for last minute love interest requests, Chapter .010 is the LAST chapter I will be putting a poll for (assuming that we do not get an excess amount of polls).

FROM THE EYES OF ONE WHO HELPS OUT OTHERS

Sparring with Bi-Han was always a thrill.

Staring down the grandmaster, you let out a steady breath as you settled yourself into a comfortable fighting stance. Sub Zero did so as well, and you watched as frost covered his hands and forearms. You two circled each other, matching each other in even steps as you watched the other. 

“No holding back, all powers allowed, going until the other yields?” You questioned, eyeing the frost on his arms. Bi-Han nodded. He did not don his mask for this spar, something you were thankful for. At least you would not have to worry about punching a metal mask. “Good.” You said, inhaling deeply one more time. “Now show me the prowess of the Lin Kuei grandmaster.”

Creating the wings of a common swift on your back, you flapped the wings back, sending you hurling forward towards Bi-Han with alarming speed. You let out a grunt as you transformed your leg into a secretary bird, aiming a powerful kick to his ribs.

Sub Zero grunted as he moved to block your kick. The arm that blocked it had frozen over with ice. You let out a breath as you took back your leg to quickly dodge his hand that thrust towards you with an iced knife.

You used the momentum of the dodge to curl up, transforming into an armadillo. You bounced behind him before transforming back once you got behind him in a crouched position. Swiftly, you lunged at him, transforming into a panther to pounce on him. 

You hissed as he slid out of the way, the ground beneath him turning icy. You outstretched your paw, barely scratching his cheek. You dug your claws into the ground as you recovered from the leap to. Your eyes widened as you saw him send a fast incoming ice ball your way. You transformed back quickly, crossing your arms in front of yourself as you endured the hit.

The ice shattered against your block, and you resisted a shiver as you felt the shards bounce off your skin. You watched as Bi-Han moved towards you, creating a slide of ice your way. You ran towards him, catching him off guard. Jumping, you grabbed onto his shoulders, changing your hands into coconut crab claws to get a better grip as you flipped over him. With a grunt, you used the momentum to throw the man away.

Keeping on the offensive, you followed where he had been thrown, charing as a rhino. Sub Zero recovered mid air, sending an icy blast your way to change direction of his fall. You got hit by a blast, getting knocked to the side as you transformed back. You let out a groan as you stood back up.

Sub Zero had recovered faster than you had, and slid towards you once more. He conjured up an icy mace in the form of a skull and spine and slammed it down on your head before using it to launch you upwards. You let out a cry as he jumped up, sending a few punches your way before kicking you away back onto the ground.

You staggered up, not deterred. You blocked the ice clone he sent your way that was intended to punch you. You ran up and swept the man off his feet, catching him by surprise. As he tumbled to the ground, you transformed into an African wild dog, snarling and howling as you clawed at him. You yelped as he shoved you off, kicking you off him.

As you were shoved back, you transformed back, finding your footing as he also stood up once more. You lunged first, launching forward as a bull. You felt satisfaction as you felt him collide with you, and you launched him upwards. Using wings again, you swiftly jumped into the air. You transformed your hands into bear claws, slashing at him with ferocity before flipping forward, slamming a kangaroo tail into him to send him flying into the ground.

You dove towards his body, now as a lion. Your eyes widened as you saw you were instead heading for an ice clone. You were frozen on the spot as you landed on it. With a grunt, Bi-Han followed it up with a swift jab, his fist enhanced with an icy blade. Then he whirled around, sending a close range blast of ice into you before he knocked you off balance as he slid forward, jabbing the blunt end of an icy spear into your chest.

You cried out as you flew back, transforming back into your human form. With a grunt you forced yourself to get up, once again forced to block an aggressive blow from him. Grabbing his arms, you leaned forward as you grew a large scorpion stinger that jabbed him harshly in his shoulder. As he groaned out in pain, you let go of his arms to deliver a hefty drop kick, enhancing it by turning your feet into an eagle’s clawed feet.

With space created, the two of you returned both into a neutral state, slightly more on the defensive side this time as you both circled each other once more. With a whirl of his wrists, he froze the ground you stepped on, trapping you for a moment. As you were distracted with freeing yourself, you failed to notice him lunging at you, leaping.

The breath was knocked out of your lungs as you both tumbled before he ended up on top of you, pinning you to the ground as he grabbed your arms and held him above you with one hand. You panted as you laid below him, staring up to Bi-Han. There was a moment of silence as you both stared at each other, recovering from the fall. You could not get up as he straddled your waist. 

Bi-Han stared at you, eyes wide from the frenzy of battle. Then, something changed as he stared down and processed the position. You watched as his cheeks reddened as he stared down at you, the exhaustion of battle probably hitting him. You swallowed as you watched his face.

His eyes searched your face, before they settled on your eyes. They held your gaze for a moment, before lowering down. Sub Zero let out a shuddering breath as his gaze stopped. You felt exposed and vulnerable, and uncertain. He swallowed before licking his lips. 

Your face felt warm as he lowered himself onto his forearm, his face growing closer to yours, and you were suddenly aware of how cold his hands were as the hand that pinned your arms above you released, leaving your skin tingling.

His hands…wait. He released your arms.

You watched as his eyes widened in surprise as you suddenly flipped him over, You now sat, straddling his waist. You grew the scorpion tail once more as you grabbed his arms and pinned him down by keeping them in a coconut crab’s claw. With your other hand, you transformed it into a bear’s and pointed the claws at his neck along with the scorpion tail.

“Yield!” You demanded, eyes wide as you stared down at Sub Zero. He panted a bit, silent as he stared at you still, a certain look on his face that you couldn’t interpret on his face. Slowly, he seemed to return to reality as he nodded slowly.

“I yield.”

With a sigh of relief, you transformed back, releasing his arms. You stood up, staggering as you did so. You smiled down at the Lin Kuei grandmaster as you extended a hand out to him, offering him help. He stared at it for a moment before taking it, and you helped him up.

“You certainly didn’t hold back.” You commented, feeling the adrenaline from the battle still run through your veins. You shook out your limbs, trying not to think of the end of the battle, ignoring the particular way Bi-Han had stared at you. “I’ll be having bruises for days after this.” You sighed, remembering the parts of your body where he had punched you especially hard.

“I know better than to hold back against you.” Bi-Han remarked, an indirect compliment. You smiled, feeling pride at it. Warmth bloomed in your chest.  “You also do not hold back.” He pointed out, referring to the scratches and claws you left on him. 

“Guess we’ll both be in bandages for a while, hm?” You joked as you stared at the marks you had left on him from the battle. Both of you were battered and bruised, but you at least got a victory out of it. You blinked as you noticed the way Bi-Han scanned you, looking at you up and down before nodding.

He was still looking at you a particular way, and you weren’t certain what that look meant. 

You tried not to question it, enjoying the more calm moment between you two. You let out a sigh as you wiped the sweat from your brow, having worked up a sweat over this. Bi-Han’s stare burned into you as you stretched.

“Well, let’s get patched up, shall we?” You inquired, walking over to the side where you had set down the medical bag you had brought earlier. You opened it up, and gestured the grandmaster over. He walked over , sitting on the chair you gestured for him to sit in.

You hummed as you began to clean off his wounds, making sure to disinfect the wounds you had left on him. He didn’t even flinch at the disinfectant, seeming to be too deep in thought as you began to work on him. You raised an eyebrow at the oddly silent behavior. He was more quiet than you were used to after a duel.

“Something on your mind, Bi-Han?” You inquired, reaching to his face. You wiped his cheek, putting disinfectant on a scratch you had left on it. You watched as he flinched, and you paused, scanning his features as he stared at you.

“I’m fine.” The cyromancer said after a moment, his gaze dropping to the ground, before he closed his eyes. You raised your eyebrows, not certain whether to push the issue or not. He didn’t look angry…he just looked…lost in thought. You shook your head and sighed as you began to put bandages on his wounds.

Bi-Han was probably fine.

“Good, I was worried for a second that I knocked the sense out of you when I slammed you into the ground.” You teased, grinning at him. You felt a sense of relief as Bi-Han sent you a narrowed eyed gaze. He was surely fine if he was paying enough attention to give you that reaction. Your grin grew just a tiny bit bigger.

“Don’t act as if I did not do the same.” He reminded you, and you swear your body ached as he pointed it out. You paused, taking a moment to rub your shoulder, where it would probably be bruised. He looked towards where you rubbed your shoulder. After a moment, he grabbed your hand, gently moving it before setting his own hand there. 

His hand grew cold, but not enough to put any frost or ice on you. It was just…soothing. Your eyes widened at the action, looking down to look at the hand that was on your shoulder. You smiled, and despite the cold on your shoulder, you felt warm.

“Thank you.” You said, softly. The hand remained on your shoulder for a few more moments, before Bi-Han lifted his hand. It hovered over where it had just laid a few moments ago, before pulling back. You almost immediately missed the cold and how it soothed your sure to be bruise.

“It is nothing.” Sub Zero grumbled, his eyes avoiding yours. You stood up, stretching. 

“Well, you’re good now.” You announced, packing up the medical bag. You send another smile towards Bi-Han as you finished up, standing. “I’m going to go get some water before heading out.” You told him. You put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing. “Thanks for the spar, Bi-Han. You push me to be better.” You gave his shoulder one last squeeze, before leaving.

Bi-Han sat there, his hand touching where you had squeezed his shoulder. A small, rosy blush rose onto his face as he closed his eyes. His eyebrows furrowed, deep in thought. He had a lot to think about now, didn’t he?

And those last words of yours…why did you have to say that to him?

Damn you.

“I see you and brother sparred together without holding back.” 

You turned your head to look at Kuai Liang who had just entered the kitchen. You smiled at him, waving before taking the last sip of the cool, icy water you had been drinking. The glass made a soft clink as you lowered the now empty glass into the sink.

“Yeah, what gave it away?” You asked, letting out a small chuckle. It was very, very obvious by the untreated wounds you had, and how in general how roughed up you looked. You only looked this way after the most intense spars between you and the grandmaster. 

“Are you not going to dress your own wounds?” Scorpion asked, stepping over to you. You saw his eyes trace your wounds, a furrow in his brows. His hand seemed to hover in the air, as if wanting to do something, before dropping.

“I am, I just patched up your brother before I got water.” You told him, slinging the medical bag you carried with you onto the table. Scorpion nodded, yet the worry in his face did not go away. You raised an eyebrow, scanning his face before sighing. “Is something on your mind, Kuai Liang?” You inquired, stepping before closer to him. 

“It is nothing.” The younger brother insisted at first. You shot him a narrowed eyed gaze, indicating that you did not believe him for a moment. Both of the brothers were stubborn. But with this one, you knew he would not blow up at you if you prodded a bit more. He seemed to linger on the idea of telling you, before nodding. “I know you mentioned months ago that you did not want me to talk about my brother but…” He looked up to the ceiling, as if searching for the words. “I worry for him.”

“It’s okay to worry.” You reassured him, placing a hand delicately on his bicep. He looked down, his eyes traveling to where your hand lay. “It’s natural to worry.” You said, nodding.You paused, pursing your lips. “Do you want to go outside to the gardens to discuss it in private?” You offered, sending him a gentle smile.

“You still need to dress your wounds.” Scorpion pointed out.

“I can do that outside.” You told him, letting out a small chuckle. “My wounds aren’t bad enough that I cannot mend myself and listen to you.” You informed him. Grabbing your bag, you hoisted it onto your shoulder. You hissed as you accidentally placed it on the same shoulder where Bi-Han had touched. “Wrong shoulder.” You muttered.

“Allow me.” Kuai Liang said, grabbing the bag. With grace, he placed it upon his own shoulder. He then guided you outside the kitchen, to the gardens. You sent nods towards the Lin Kuei members who passed. A few were confused, seeing your condition, while a few were amused. Most seemed to simply not bring attention to your current state. 

“Everytime I come out here it’s prettier than the last.” You remarked as the two of you stepped outside. The snowfall was gentle. Normally you would try and grow fur out, but you needed to dress your wounds. You stepped closer to Kuai Liang, your pinkies accidentally brushing as you walked with him towards the bench near the center.

Kuai Liang was warm enough to abate the chill.

You made sure to sit close to the pyromancer, basking in the warmth he provided. He did not seem to him, and he even leaned the tiniest bit closer to you. You set to work on patching yourself up. As you did so, you realized just how bad your wounds looked, even if it did not feel that way. Either you were thicker skinned than you remembered, or the adrenaline was still pumping through your veins.

It could be both, in all honesty.

“So, about your brother?” You inquired after a few minutes of peace and quiet. While nice, that wasn’t the reason why you two had gone outside.

“I worry for Bi-Han.” Scorpion admitted, his gaze dropping to his hands. His hands clenched and unclenched slowly. “I feel as if he has been more…standoffish as of late.” The younger brother closes his eyes. “He has pushed me and Tomas away, especially Tomas.” You watch as his expression shifts into one of guilt. “I feel as if he seeks more and more power, straying from father’s principles.” There was a pause, “Is it wrong to doubt him, sometimes?”

You hold back the pit of despair in your stomach, staring at Scorpion. You remember the inky black shadow that you once knew Bi-Han was, and how Kuai Liang grieved over the loss of the man he once thought himself close to.

You could not let them drift apart.

“It’s not wrong.” You say, your voice quiet as you lean back on the bench, staring up to the darkening sky. Snowflakes fall onto your face, chilling you for a few moments before the warmth of your companion melts them away. “I can see what you mean.” You admit, shifting as you try to recall Bi-Han’s actions. “I think you should talk to Bi-Han.”

“I doubt that will go well.” Kuai Liang admits, and you nod, feeling the worry in your stomach grow. There had to be a way to prevent that horrible fate you remember. Not only to prevent corruption, but to keep the trio you’ve grown to care for together. “Brother is very headstrong.”

“You’re right.” You say, before drawing your gaze to the ground in defeat. “I’ll try and see if he will be more perceptive when talking to me sometime.” You offer, sending him a glance. “I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to insert myself into your family issues but…”

“No, I understand.” Scorpion says, his eyes settling on you. He searches your face, before nodding. “It would be appreciated. Brother has always…” The younger brother seems to search for the right words, hesitating, “He’s always been more…receptive of you.” You nod, though you felt there was a tone to his words you didn’t quite understand.

You could ask about that another day, right now, Kuai Liang’s troubles were more pressing.

“I’ll do whatever I must to help you, Kuai Liang.” You promised the yellow clad man. You smile at him, trying to subdue his worries. You saw him weakly return the smile. You placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. You paused, considering pulling the man in for a hug. Would that be going too far? 

You let go of his shoulder instead, afraid of going too far.

“Thank you.” Scorpion murmured, looking at you intently. “You do not have to go to such lengths for me, though. I can find a way to talk to brother if you are unable to.” He tells you, trying to make sure he is not putting too much pressure on you. “Just allowing me to air my grievances is enough for me.”

“You and your brothers mean a lot to me.” You admit, turning your gaze to look at the snowy landscape around you. How beautiful it is out here when you don’t have to worry about catching frostbite. You exhaled, watching your breath rise into the air. “I don’t mind, really.” 

“You mean a lot to me too, and I’m certain my brothers feel the same.”

Warmth bloomed in your heart, and internally you wondered if Scorpion had a secret ability to warm you up on the inside. You didn’t ask, only smiled at the man as you sat there for a bit longer. As much as your body longed to rest at a much warmer place, you were content sitting here just a touch longer.

“Thank you.” Kuai Liang repeated, looking towards you. You identified his gaze as fond, and you felt almost a bit too warm all of a sudden. Your fingers twitched in your lap. 

“You already said that.” You pointed out, a light laugh leaving your lips. You watched as his smile grew, just the tiniest bit.

“I know. It just felt important to say again because I truly mean it.”

And you knew, as long as you could preserve that small smile on his face, you would do what’s needed to fix this all.

Johnny Cage was acting…off.

Crossing your arms, you sighed as you stared at the actor. You had to admit, you saw why he considered himself a great actor. He was certainly hiding any signs of worry or distress well. Still, it did not pass your perception.

His smiles were just a touch more strained. Johnny’s effort was a bit more lacking, and he seemed to refrain from jokes the tiniest bit. Still, the actor did enough to pass by the normal eye. This wasn’t just a one day thing, he’s been off for nearly a week now. You glanced over to see Kenshi looking at you with a raised eyebrow. You waved his concern off. 

Did no one else perceive how off Johnny Cage was? 

“Johnny’s form is bothering me.” You lied, not wanting to expose the man. Kenshi glanced over to the actor, before nodding. You weren’t certain if he agreed or not, but he didn’t question your words. As skilled as he was, he was respectful enough to know not to question your teachings. Kenshi quickly left your side, going to the other monks for a lesson.

You let out another sigh, closing your eyes.

A visit to Madam Bo was long overdue.

“It is always a pleasure to have you.” Madam Bo said as you prepared the tea for both her and yourself. Your name rolled off her tongue in such a familiar way, the same way she would say her own child’s name. You both sat in her teahouse, after closing hours. 

You delicately placed the loose tea leaves in the cups, letting them steep in hot water before straining them out. As tradition for the way you were preparing them, you poured the first steep over the tea pets of the tea table. Then, you steeped the leaves once more.

This method was long familiar to you, a technique you assumed that you had from your past life. Madam Bo, when you had grown close, was delighted that someone else partook in this method of tea brewing. She often told you to keep it in mind, just in case you might need to do it to present the best tea to someone in an impressive way. She even taught you other traditional methods of serving tea.

You weren’t certain whether she was simply joking or not, but you practiced this method often enough. It made you feel regal and skilled, even if it wasn’t anything too fancy. Maybe the older lady was right, you’d need this someday.

“It’s always a pleasure to visit. I should do it more often.” You agreed, nodding. 

“You should, especially now that you’ve taken Kung Lao and Raiden from me.” The older lady remarked, a light teasing tone in her voice. She looked at you with raised eyebrows as you handed her the second cup of strained tea. “As much as I’d like to believe you came to visit me for fun, I can tell you have something on your mind, child.”

“You know me too well.” You admit as you cradle your own cup of tea in your hands. It was warm, and it reminded you of Scorpion. You looked down at your cup, swirling the tea around in thought. “I worry for a few people, and I was hoping you might give me advice.”

Madam Bo nodded, before taking a sip of tea. She hummed in delight, seeming to like the particular flavor of the leaves you had chosen tonight. 

“For starters, I worry about Bi-Han, Kuai Liang, and Tomas.” You admitted, knowing that you could confide in the older lady without worry that your grievances would leave her lips. You paused to sip the tea, calming your nerves. “Kuai Liang told me he worries that Bi-Han strays from Lin Kuei principles, and I can see what he means.”

“That one has always been too headstrong for his own good.” The old lady remarked, a tone of sass in her voice. You recalled how she had told you that she had been Lin Kuei too, once. “I do not blame him, his father was always harsher on him than his brothers.” She handed you her cup for another refill of tea. “Too much pressure can even crack a diamond.”

“I know.” You say, remembering the old Grandmaster. You had only known him for a little bit of time before his untimely death. You had thought him for the most part kind, at least to you. You did know that he was also rather strict, and how you never truly knew what went on behind closed doors. Although you had been trained a bit in the Lin Kuei’s ways, you had always been treated a bit differently.

It probably helped that you were considered a close companion to the god they served.

“Bi-Han, although at times thickheaded, is not completely unreasonable.” Madam Bo reassured you, gladly taking the refill of tea you provided for her. The older lady paused, seeming to think on her next words. “I’d advise to try and guide him towards better ideals. The elder gods above know that trying to confront him outright would not work.”

“I see.” You said, trying to formulate a plan in your head. You sighed at the look Madam Bo gave you. It was the same look she sent you whenever she was about to scold you for overworking yourself. “I know the Lin Kuei’s family issues are not my duty, but I fear what will happen if he does not change his ways.”

“You always were too selfless, child.” Madam Bo chided, though she did not press on. Instead, she took another sip of her tea. “I assume there is more?” She inquired, and you nodded.

“One of my students, Johnny…” You paused, looking at her face to see if she recalled who he was. You sighed, before sending her a look, “The handsome actor.” You quipped, and you saw her face light up in recognition. You couldn’t restrain the laugh that escaped your lips. “He has been off lately.”

“In what way?” 

“Well,” You poured the hot water over the leaves, preparing yourself another cup of tea. “He is usually enthusiastic and joyful, but it feels like he’s been forcing it lately.” You watched as the leaves steeped. “I don't know how to approach him about it.”

“You’re usually not this withdrawn when asking others about their issues.” Madam Bo pointed out, and you found your face growing warm from how true it was. Perhaps you were a bit too nosy. “But I can always offer you my special tea to serve him, if you wish.” 

You hummed considering it, despite the slight joking tone in her voice. While you had never drunk her special tea, you know it had properties like alcohol. You mind swam for a moment as you felt a hazy memory of lounging around while an older Johnny Cage while he confided in you over as he sipped on some alcohol.

That, and you remembered him drinking alcohol while he had discussed with his wife.

You knew that alcohol in excess and partaking in it too often was bad but…maybe it wouldn’t hurt to let him indulge in it just once. Maybe he needed it, and if he didn’t want it, he didn’t need to take it and you would just talk to him normally anyways.

“You know what? I’ll take it.”

“Alright, I’m here, teach.” 

Looking up, you smiled and waved Johnny over to the small table you set up for tonight. You had told Raiden earlier to take a night off, you needed to talk to someone. Then, you asked Johnny Cage to meet you in the courtyard tonight.

“Woah, what’s all of this?” Johnny Cage inquired, looking at the small set up you had. It was a table with the tea from Madam Bo (much diluted, to your request), and some snacks you had heard from Madam Bo was usually eaten by drunkards in her teahouse.

“I wanted to talk to you.” You said, slightly avoiding the question. “I know the monks don’t want alcohol here, so I wanted to offer you an alternative you wanted.” You gestured to the teapot. “Madam Bo’s special tea. I’ve heard it’s like alcohol, and I thought that you might appreciate it.” You saw the actor’s eyebrows rise, and you felt a little silly. “You don’t have to drink it or anything, I’m not forcing you to, but I figured you might want it. I want to ask about why you’ve been off lately.”

“You’ve noticed, huh?” Johnny said, walking over to the table. He paused before taking the teacup and raising it to you, asking for it to be filled. You poured it for him, a little portion for him. “You’re right to give me this, this shit is gonna suck to talk about.” The actor saying blatantly, before drinking the tea swiftly, as if it were a shot. He let out a long whistle. “Damn, that shit is strong.”

“It’s diluted too.”

“Really?” He said, looking down at the cup. “Can’t imagine how it must feel at its full strength.” He said, before lifting the cup again. You gave him another pour, mentally telling yourself to keep track of how much he was going to drink. There was a brief moment of silence before he sighed. “Thought you’d be wanting to talk about acting, finally.” 

“We can do that, if you prefer.” You offered, shrugging. “I just thought it would be better to talk about what has been on your mind lately.”

“Nah, for once I don’t wanna talk about acting.” Johnny admitted as he relaxed his shoulders. He looked upwards to the starry sky, and you don’t think you’ve seen the expression on his face ever since you spied on him and his wife. “My wife-” You watched as the man cringed, “My ex wife called me a few days ago.”

“Oh.” You said, connecting the dots together. Johnny and his wife, or his ex wife, were splitting. You looked at Johnny Cage with a look of pity. Your mind throbbed as you were reminded of a very similar scenario, consoling the very same man about divorce, but for a much different person. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s fine.” Johnny Cage sighed, before pausing and rolling his neck. “Well, it’s not. But I’m trying to think it’s fine.” There was another beat of silence as Johnny’s face turned sorrowful. It was an expression you didn’t think fit him. “I really thought she’d be the one.”

You opened your mouth, wanting to say something, anything, but thought better of it. You closed your mouth and nodded, waiting for the man to talk more. 

“Cris- my ex, she used to be my world.” Johnny lamented as he reached for a piece of food. He scratched the back of his neck. “She used to understand my dream, or at least I thought she did.” He tilted his head to you, looking at you with grief in his eyes. “Is it so wrong to want to chase my dreams? Or was she right and I’m in over my head?”

“I…” You paused, trying to think. You swallowed. “I don’t think you’re wrong.” You said carefully, as if the wrong words would shatter the man who sat beside you. You had a few more things you thought you could say, but they all felt wrong to say at the moment, so you just left it at that.

“Glad to hear someone thinks that.” The actor said, though you could tell there was a hint of uncertainty in his tone. “Divorce sucks ass, man.” He admitted as he swirled around the tea you had just poured for him, not drinking it just yet. “Do you think a man like me could ever get a second- well, more than a second chance, at love?”

“Yeah.” You said the word leaving your mouth before you could even process it. You looked over to see a surprised Johnny. You forced yourself to keep going, as to not make yourself seem like a fool. You looked away, looking up at the stars. “I think you just need to find someone who can support your new dreams.”

“Hm.” 

You wondered if you had said something wrong, before you heard a small laugh leave Johnny’s lips. 

“You know,” The actor said your name, something you weren’t used to, causing you to look over to the actor. He was smiling, even if it was a small and weak one. “You’re easy to talk to.” He admitted, closing his eyes. 

If only he remembered what you did. How this scenario of him confiding in you was all too familiar to you. You forced a smile, not wanting the man to see the brief moment of weakness in remembering a life that he did not.

“I’m glad.”

“I really needed to talk about this.” He groaned, before downing the cup. He paused before he set down the cup. “Hey, is it wrong of me to want to shit talk my ex?” The actor asked, raising an eyebrow. You raised yours in turn, before humming.

“Well, the monks would normally advocate for me to tell you to move past those feelings…” You said, looking away before looking back at him with a small smile. “But I think maybe just this once it’d be fine to let you…’air your grievances.’” You said, putting up quotation marks. “I think ranting it all out first would be good for you, we can work on getting over her later.”

Johnny’s face split into a smile as he sat up, seeming more happy than the last few days. 

“Okay so this one time, she…”

You both talked all through the night, nearly until the sunrise was about to begin. You didn’t care though, because the joy on Johnny’s face was worth the missed sleep.

part nine

[talisidekick]

I need your help...

If you don't know me, hello, I'm Accalia, I go by Tali Sidekick online on Youtube, Instagram, and on the rarest of occasions Twitch. I'm a 29 year old transgender woman from Canada, who came out and began socially and medically transitioning in 2021. I stream largely on Youtube and on the rare occasion I make videos (it's been over a year since I last did that).

I could use your help affording my legal name change. I've been trying to afford it myself but I'm unable to for reasons I'll get into below. The link is in my blog description, but I'll post it here:

Recently, while walking home from work (I don't make enough to afford public transit or my own vehicle or a bicycle) I got attacked by a middle-aged man in a dimly lit residential neighbourhood. I got away, and thankfully I didn't give him enough time to do more than grab me by the arm. However, I had to file a police report, which gave me two options: use my legal name which at current is my deadname (ie. a name I no longer wish to use) which would be distressing to say the least, or submit it anonymously. I chose the latter which unfortunately does little besides let the public know that someone dangerous with a vague description is in their area. I wish I could have put my name on that report but using my legal name as it stands now is ... I can't.

To add to this, I was saving up, but unfortunately the student loans I owe decided to charge me during an appeal process (they weren't supposed to) and when the charge partially bounced they denied my appeal (which isn't supposed to happen under the contract agreement I signed) because of "outstanding payments". The appeal process also only looked at my gross income for one month, specifically the month I got paid 3 times in (it happens only once a year) and decided to combine all three payments into an equal 2 and evaluated my paycheck at around 25/hr when I only make 16/hr and has thus denied me reduced loans payment (I'm working on this but it's adding to my stress). So at current, the $300 I had extra got eaten by the National Student Loans Services Centre (NSLSC) again and from previous experience even though I should be reimbursed once this is cleared up, I won't be.

I would have also had more (remember that extra third paycheck?) but my health insurance stopped covering me because despite being signed up to a provincial pharmacy program they decided I wasn't, and forced me to buy my hormones and ADHD meds out of pocket. They only -just- reinstated coverage, but getting reimbursed will take over a month possibly 2.

As such, I have exactly $48 in savings and $7 in my basic checking account.

I want to get my name changed, I've been trying for over 2 years, and it's been impossible. Every time I have the money to spare, the NSLSC eats it and doesn't give it back, some medical thing comes up, or some unforseen cost rears its head and consumes my meager savings. The cost averages out to about $450 because it requires Finger Printing for a background check, Notary Fees, Processing Fees, and Reprinting Fees for my Birth Certificate, Drivers License, and Marriage License.

And if the $450 goal is exceeded, any excess getsput towards affording the $6000 surgery cost of getting SRS/GRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery/Gender Reassignment Surgery). I have until December next year before my government will no longer cover the cost of the surgery supposedly.

If I can get help here, I really want all my legal doccuments to read "Llorelei Accalia [Lastname]". I'm so tired of having to explain to people that I'm transgender because the name, face, and (somehow) voice don't match.

Currently at:

$50/$450

[court-jobi]

Expert in Distraction

Pairing: Din Djarin x reader

Word Count: 1,883

Rating: M, 18+ (please scroll on by, kiddos)

Warnings: 🔥stress relief, est. relationship, spicy stimulation, fem pronouns, excessive use of the nickname 'angel', #thehelmetstayson

Summary: He’s been workin’ on this new hot-rod of his for a while now. He works hard enough with errands of his own, and deserves a break more than anything– especially after all he’s been through lately. So you try to spell your Mandalorian– only to have him bail you out when things go south on an errand in the Tattooine market scene. Frustrated and down on yourself, you try to keep your angst out of his sight… only for your Mando partner-in-crime to sense his girl needs him and opts to helps alleviate your stress. 

“D’you wanna talk, or a distraction?”

You meant it as a clarifying question, but it came out soft: a plea for the solution to the problem.

“Distraction…?”

Oh, yes. Yes to the touch, yes to that angle, yes to the distraction, yes to your Din Djarin. 

A/N: Inspired by my favorite bounty hunter (and how the phrase "rough day" will forever be cemented in my mind by @no-droids beloved work), here's how I imagine the sharp-eyed -but ridiculously in love- Mandalorian would help you unwind after a day where nothing's gone right. Cleaning carbon scoring can wait; after you've answered his question for how best to help you...

Read on AO3

Ashla knows you'd had a rough day.

You'd been running clear across compounds in search of what you thought were easy to find supplies while your Mandalorian was making repairs in the comfort of a private shipyard. He needed a break from finding his own parts this week, but would never say so. Routine stuff wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle picking up and enjoyed the time alone to feel accomplished, so you set out for the chore yourself. 

What you didn't expect was the shootout in the hangar. Damn hothead spacers...

That sure put a wrench into things. You got interrupted on the job and caught in a really tight spot without much cover or a good exit path. Not that you could handle without being covered in beskar. So, you sent out your reluctant call about the outburst to the other end of your comm, where Mando obviously came to get you, broke it up, and brought you back right as night fell. 

But the adventure of the day left you feeling pent up and irritated at how it'd gone.

You steamed at the sink, having rinsed the parts you’d salvaged but staring the pile down before mustering the will to dry them off. Sighing as you did so, you sensed his presence behind you. His shadow on the wall gave you pause so you just carried on, thinking he'd move along. 

Only he didn't. Inside that she'll keeping his face from you, he wrestled with how to help you. A hand came to your waist, a low voice breaking through the incoming tension headache brewing behind your eyes;

"Hey you."

He was in soft mode. Shit. You could hear it in his voice, and your heart sank. 

You seriously loved when he'd get sweet like this. But after today? You knew you were in a horrible mood and felt guilty for not falling into him as easily as you wanted.

"Hey," you tried to manage back pleasantly, but you were tired. "I'm almost done here, then we can relax if you want," and so you picked up your pace.

The Mando leaned over you easily and led your hand off the counter. "Don't worry about those."

Your temper flared and turned around to face him, 

“Look I'm fine, just let me do this, ok? I can do this one thing!" 

Deadly quiet calmness shut your throat again as he looked down at you. One sided tip of the helm, a cue for you to check yourself. 

You hopelessly just wanted something to go right out of this day... and you regretted the tone as soon as you said it.

So, you took a deep breath and stared off to the side. Giving up the bite, you chucked the towel somewhere behind you, gripping onto his belts' hooks in midreach– to communicate his touch was welcome at the very least. You'd still take the hug, even if you weren't happy. Ungloved and warmer than the usual gloves covering him up, his grounding hand returned-- this time coming to your cheek.

"D'you want to talk, or a distraction?"

Ugh, you’d had enough talking about the things going wrong recently. Now, distraction? That could be anything from fixing you a snack, to shooting mynocks off the hilltop. Depends if he’s angry enough.

You meant it more as a clarifying question, but it came out soft- for the solution to the problem.

"Distraction…?"

With another tilt, the Mandalorian closed the rest of the space between you and trailed that hand up to rake your hair away. He caught the pair of pins where you'd tied your front pieces back in a hurry and worked them out, tossing them in the sink behind you. With another careful shake and swipe all the way down, now he was able to work the braid out. You let your eyes fall shut at the sensation, releasing your finger's grip into a gentler hold on his sides. A slight hum came from you without realizing and you worked to let your brow fall from its tensed peak.

"There’s my girl," he whispered. "I've missed you."

He meant the smile that had been missing; it was back the instant he touched you. You flickered up at him a little pitiful, and he hummed at you– the sign that he was watching.

"Sweet girl..." The mutter under his breath at the sight of you. "...why don't I just help you unwind a bit. You’ll feel better. "

"How's that?" You asked softer, your voice weak and a bit higher.

He leaned in a bit closer to your ear, nuzzling against your temple as his gently as beskar would allow. Cradling the back of your head to him as his hand planed across your stomach,

"I can help relax you. You won't have to move or lay a finger on anything else tonight. Just let me take care of you. Touch you, in all the ways I know you love."

His hand slid down lower as the moment blended into something else, and you suddenly inhaled quick at the fluttering you now felt in your thighs. 

A delicious distraction.

Your Mandalorian coaxed you, his hand massaging at your hip. "How does that sound?"

You nodded and hummed high in your throat, moaning a little when he massaged that hand into your hair to scratch your scalp.

He'd do anything to keep you safe and happy. He'd accomplished the first, now to solve the second....

You hummed when he massaged through your hair, and reacted: pulled him close enough where you could reach up to his shoulders. He pressed in like a perfect fit and traced the edge of your pants, right at the tender skin of your stomach.

"S'that feel good, angel?"

He nuzzled you again to gauge your permission. You nodded again and fell into the sway he started, your hips unconsciously pressing into his. Anything to be closer. Your head dropped towards his neck while your arms found their home atop his shoulders. He swelled with pride at how easy you would stay under him.

WIthout an ounce of hesitation left, the Mandalorian took the submission to let his hand slip under your waistband. You hummed bright at the intrusion and whimpered when he'd ghosted over that tender part at your core before he let his hand cup you fully. Hiding in that warm spot of fabric before the hard beskar chestplate, you sighed into his touch below… The sink of your entire body wasn’t far from your Mando’s sight, as he cradled you back to lean against the counter the whole way down.

"That's my angel... I've got you. There we go~." 

Softness galore and buttery warmth coated his voice while he coaxed you just enough to have you sink back against the countertop and your legs widened a bit more for his hand to move. "Is this ok?"

"Yes please," you whispered- laced with far more begging than you anticipated.

Yes to the touch, yes to the angle, yes to the distraction, yes to him. 

His chuckle echoed in the helm. "So polite.. you have good manners, cyar'ika." 

Fingers began to work gently against your opening (all to elicit a moan from you), finding their home and making space as he pleased,

 "--But I want you to forget the honorifics tonight. You just let go and say whatever you need to. Loud as you want."

The sigh that left you at his words was so needed and gripping him tighter sent the message: 

"Fuuuuck that feels good."

You felt your hips rock against him on their own. As your guide the rest of the way in, he captured you to his chest.

This here, this guy was a man of words you got when the two of you were alone. How grateful you were for the brief respite being on this dustball of a planet gave you. Away from the other hunters, from the garage techs, even out of Peli’s guest rooms– here in the little corner of your private, rented garage, he'd litter all sorts of sweet words on you while handling you against that counter… your stomach jumping at each one as they flowed through you.

You sound… so kriffing gorgeous, just like this.

That's it, c'mon.

That's my pretty girl.

You work so hard for me. This is all for you, now.

Let go for me.

Any aggravation of the day be damned. Nothing mattered except for the bow to burst; and your Mando was making great time, the expert of distraction he is. That's his secret weapon-- turning around a bad day the moment you give the word.

The live wire in you was beginning to burn, sparking trembles in the body that made your legs shake. A foot popped off the ground and atop the strong thigh that parted you. 

Normally you were laying down for this part, and nerves for the sudden onslaught of it rose with a vengeance, getting better of you. 

Beside his helmet, you caught the reflection of your brows tense for new reason. Facing your light and relieving pants, the black of the visor stayed fixed on your face. 

"I-I,I cant- Din,” you begged, “I can't–"

"Yes you can, mesh’la." He whispered as if he were the call of Sleep himself. As if it were a dream.

The quiver ebbing inside brought you to hide in his neck.

The voice seeping from the edge of the helmet, 

"You're so close, let go.”

The core of you revved to the edge. Your only hope was that voice– 

–and its final, sweet order:

“Cum for me, angel."

For gasps of breath after you stopped shaking, you held onto him for dear life. Thankfully, he made doing so more comfortable by slipping off his chestplate between you.

It's no secret now, your loving him. In your light, ditzy whisper to tell him so, he merely hummed a little chuckle back, gave you a gentle keldabe kiss, and swayed again. Just content to hold you- and murmur it back in turn.

The gesture of what you did today didn't go unnoticed; Din knew exactly what you'd been trying to do. Taking on the grocery run would have spelled him after a string of long days this week. How could he blame you for a a frustrating turn of events like a shootout? He'd be pissy, too.

Not only would he come every time to help, but he'd spell them from you if he could. He honestly preferred having you by his side on errands, anyway. But the offer meant the world to him.

"Mmm'love you..." the little whimper came from the lovely bundle in his arms. The stress appeared to have melted away entirely.

"Someone has tired eyes," he replied back, equally sated at the sight of his darling, "Now, no lifting any fingers, hear me? I mean it. I'll take care of these in the morning."

No fight from you there. He drove it straight out of you, to his own happy calm.

Of course, when Din led you both out from the workspace and toward the residential district, locking the garage behind them, he made sure to keep you under his arm and gave his warm word of love right back.

[cordwaner]

Obsessed with the way you draw Fletcher's hair. Why so pretty???

Hehe I am glad it itches your brain! It does mine as well. Funnily enough, Fletcher being pretty was a design choice and plays a role in the story since vanity is a big re-occurring theme. (Some more bonus lore incoming down below ...) Let's just say Fletcher's predecessor, Melaphen, was consumed by her own vanity, which ultimately led to her failure in achieving the same goals Fletcher is currently striving for. As a result, their professor, Alfred, appointed Fletcher as his new "Favourite Student," who had nothing to worry about regarding looks (amongst many other reasons, but this is the most surface level one…).

Their goal is to eventually serve one of the royal families by being their Warlock of the Court. Professor Alfred initially planned to prepare Melaphen for the position of the Court Warlock, but he ended up picking Fletcher instead years later down the line.

Although Melaphen may appear unproblematic in the image above, she is actually a Celestial by birth, born with severe deformities resulting from her Illithid x Canid lineage. She used an illegal spell to entirely change her appearance (the Karth Monarchy has banned many spells deemed unethical). While Alfred couldn't care less about the legality of the spell, he considered Melaphen weak and unfit to serve the royal family, practically "disowning" her as his best student. Finding a student as powerful as Melaphen was challenging because she was a Celestial, incredibly powerful and immune to Madness. It's important to note that Fletcher, unlike Melaphen, is not a Celestial, meaning he isn't a natural-born spellcaster and is more prone to Madness from using excessive magic. Alfred had to train Fletcher twice as hard to make him as immune, powerful, and durable as possible.

He tried to "mould" Fletcher into another Celestial, which didn't come without consequences. Alfred burdened Fletcher with the responsibilities of helping with his illegal Illithid research, training for his predetermined Court Warlock position, and keeping up with classes. This resulted in Fletcher often being exhausted, nearly falling asleep during classes, and having almost no social life. That's why Fletcher often looks tired in my drawings. He may be pretty, but he's close to falling asleep. It gets a little bit better once he joins the Wurrian monarchy.

Fletcher never meets Melaphen during his academy years and only crosses paths with her after the second Illithid invasion, which was coincidentally caused by Alfred himself.

[jeskoholic]

A Little Piece of You Chapter 15: Boy Talk

This is a chapter from an on-going series. If you missed out on the previous entries, you can check my masterlist.

Previous chapter: An Excess of Kwangya

Word count: 4,487

Tags: Male OC, College Jisoo, College Friends, Intercollegiate Romance

Enjoy

---

It was for the collective good that neither Soyeon nor I saw each other after that exchange. Not even the playful strings of fate could bind us together as everything felt really a drought; whereas we never even got to see each other again even if was by a slim chance. Spacing myself from her did help justify the decision before I could even take it back because admittedly, it does take a huge deal of getting used to her absence. Gone were the calls, the periodical nagging, the occasional skinship… I would lie if I would say that I did not miss her to a certain degree. There was a point in our relationship that I enjoyed what had transpired. However, the negatives outweigh too much of the positives for me to even continue on. So far, I have no regrets whatsoever.

It was quite ironic, even for a person such as me, to divert my attention to the flurry of academic works I had going about. Normally I would just let things slide like how they would usually go but  I figured that for a change, I might try to exert some extra effort and see how would that go for the incoming weeks. In my head, it would help me ease the periodical guilt that sprang from Soyeon’s slap. I was either intentionally heading straight home or going to Naevis at a weird time to enjoy myself without the rest of my new found friends.

Still, I remained updated about her thankfully, through United Kwangya; of which most of her updates came from Kyungsoo and Yeri. I also observed that I went back to the more silent, sentinel type of person in the messaging group unlike when Soyeon was still actively participating in it. Somehow, that subtle ‘break-up’ between us both incited a barrier that served the rest selective of their conversations. Replying and reacting to my friends chats suddenly felt awkward; a predicament I never viewed possible considering the presence of Shinwon and Kino…

Maybe even Ningning…

Then again, there are also the conversations that I could not avoid. Shinwon is really a close friend of mine and a classmate on a mutual subject, so the talk was inevitable. I do appreciate how he’s not bringing the topic out with regards to Soyeon, but aside from that we really have nothing else to talk about. I guess it was my fault, considering I was making up shit-stupid reasons just to not go home with him when the issue was at its peak, all because I just wanted to be alone.

I already feel bad for doing that, but I need these little solo-times to make things work on the way they were supposed to. Soon, I will be able to get back on track.

I have full confidence that Shinwon, among others, would understand that best.

The midterms are also starting to knock on the university door, and I figured I would press myself further to see what it would yield. It was a cold and rainy night; I was stuck in the comfort of the four corners of my room with Joohyun-noona running an unofficial night-shift, effectively leaving me alone in charge of the apartment. I didn’t really mind, as the soft noise of the night cityscape coupled with the rain was an immaculate combo for studying.

That night, I had my phone on my desk as I repeatedly memorized the derivatives of certain trigonometric functions, the most used ones at least. I was working on a set of problems that I deem would solve my usual confusion between arcsine x and arc secant x, because in my head they always looked the same especially at first glance.

BZZZT

 My phone lit up in response to a newly received message. At first, I initially thought that it was either the United Kwangya messaging group or at least one of the members… then I had a hint that might be Jeon Soyeon, finally deciding to message me directly after that…

I honestly hesitated for a bit before I decided to open it nonetheless.

Well, I was half-right. The message was indeed from a United Kwangya member, just not someone I would immediately think of in this time of the evening.

Kim Hyojong: Yo, Jae-in, it’s been a while! Are you there man? Are you online?

Of course, there was not even a second’s hesitation especially when it came from Dawn. I don’t know what has gotten into him that he suddenly wants a conversation, but a talk from a good friend is certainly something I could not ignore even in this situation.

Right… If there was one person that I could relate to in some degree… it would be him. We’re both not in the active circle of United Kwangya, not the ones who go out every week anyway… plus, he’s not studying at NLIU either so I guess he’s someone I can talk to when I’m in a sump with the rest of them.

With that, I decided to place a mental note on the problems I have yet to solve and brought my phone up to reply.

Jae-in: Hey, man! What’s up? What’s with the sudden private message?

Dawn: Well, I’ll just ask if you happen to be free tomorrow evening, right after your class. Let’s head for a stroll at Metro Station for a change?

This dude has got something to tell me. He’s got to be sandbagging on something otherwise he would not have messaged me in this form. I could literally hear him through the screen. I’m willing to bet on it.

Jae-in: Yeah, sure… I really don’t have anything else planned after tomorrow’s classes. Oh, but it’s the class I share with Shinwon. Do you mind if I tag him along?

Dawn: That’s very convenient then! I was just about to ask him the same thing. Go ahead and ask him if he’s up to it, but I would appreciate it if you limit it between the three of us.

Jae-in: Why…? What’s going on? Did you suddenly commit murder or something? Do you need help hiding the body?

Dawn: Hahaha hell no, brother. This is something serious. I figured I want to ask your opinions on things, and Shinwon’s inclusion is a damn good addition. I hope he goes as well.

What is this dude up to?

Oh wait…

Jae-in: This is about a girl now, isn’t it?

Dawn: Hey, I’m going to save things for tomorrow so we can enjoy it between a cup of tea or cola or something. No alcohol and I insist. At least we have something to talk about. Don’t forget to message me tomorrow, okay?

Jae-in: Alright then. Save the best for last, I guess? Lmao

Look at this idiot…

This is most definitely for a girl.

Hyojong has always been quite the ladies’ man ever since. I would not be surprised if that was the case.

I could almost envy his enthusiasm to finding the right girl.

Let’s see where this goes. If it works out then at least I should take notes from him, I guess.

---THE FOLLOWING DAY---

In lieu of recent events with regards to the other side of the group chat, it would stand to reason that Jae-in’s enthusiasm to meet Dawn was largely anchored to his curiosity more than anything else. His sudden appearance in the middle of all the chaos of United Kwangya offered a fresh set of perspective to divert him from the lingering guilt of Soyeon. It was already established in his head that Dawn, being a person enrolled on a completely different university than all of them, had a different approach with regards to people. He was the most ‘friendly’ amidst most of them, so Jae-in found the situation to not be really much as a surprise. What he found as a surprise though, was Dawn going all the way of asking them out for their opinion. He cannot immediately think what else Dawn would ask him for because normally his friend would take care of things himself.

Given the conversation Ko Shinwon and Yoon Jae-in shared on their first subject earlier that day, it was mutually agreed that Dawn was planning to ask another girl out. He was to what Jae-in would always tease him, the more ‘tamed’ and toned-down version of Hongseok as he really craves more on flirty conversations than skinship and sex.

Hours passed and eventually the afternoon fell. Jae-in and Shinwon took the long route, exiting through the university hospital to meet with Dawn along the way and ultimately settling to meet on a convenience store near his college. Similar to North Light, strands of people started to walk out of its premises with the only reason being the hourly dismissals.

Jae-in and Shinwon treaded towards the tall buildings of the spread university campus, still engaged in a conversation with regards to their drafting subject. That was when he showed up; the man of the hour Kim Hyojong. He was walking towards their direction, a soft black beanie concealing the rest of his blonde hair while he supplied both of his friends with a wide smile. As he waved his hands in greeting, Jae-in was able to notice the can of soda he held, including the two others lodged on his other arm with his sling bag’s strap lay dangling on his back.

“Hey!” Hyojong said with utmost enthusiasm as soon as he approached the two. As per usual, he gave them mutual fist bumps even with the sodas and joined them on their walk. “I went to pull my luck and hope that I bump into the two of you. The convenience store is so jam-packed with med students racking in some coffee for the night classes so I had to settle for a little take-out.”

“Well, going way up here was a good call then. Jae-in and I were about to stay at the internet café just to chill and wait, so it was better that we walked up here,” Shinwon added.

“I agree,” Jae-in said. “Had we agreed to stay there and things did not turn out the way we thought they would, you’re going to walk all around just to get to NLIU’s main gate. It’s crazy when you think how large of a space the university actually occupies.”

“You would have been tired the moment you arrive at the shop,” said Shinwon in agreement. “Well, let’s just cut to the fucking chase… to what do we owe the pleasure, Kim Hyojong? This entire ordeal seemed pretty serious considering you’re pretty much MIA most of the time. This is such a huge development. Kino would flip if he hears this.”

Dawn smirked. “I can’t help it. I figured I had to tell it to someone. However, this is not the place to talk. You guys okay walking all the way to Metro Station?”

“Of course, I mean look who you’re talking to. We literally have Jae-in with us.”

“As for the time,” Jae-in added, nodding. “We have all night. Go ahead and we’ll listen.”

“Damn, you guys are as reliable as ever; well except for the one time you misdirected me on Yeouido, Shinwon. I’m never forgetting that.”

“Hey!”

“Anyway, let’s head on. We have a shit ton to talk about.”

---

“Okay, we’re here embracing the beauty of the city’s best malls while we tread its premises… so could you please just cut it with the suspense and tell us what the hell is going on?” Jae-in said with an obvious tone of sarcasm, wedging himself between the two figures of his friends.

“Fine then, I think I’ve stalled long enough,” Dawn began as that time he swapped positions with Jae-in and became the one wedged between them. “So, for starters, I think it was already a given fact that your boy Dawn talks to a lot of girls, right?”

“Oh really, you do? Can you please tell us something that we don’t know yet?” teased Shinwon.

“Hey, I’m being serious, man! I’m trying to intro this in the smoothest way possible!”

“Okay, okay, so… let me guess… you found a girl amongst all the ocean of people you’re talking to, and hoping to hop to the next level of that talk you asked Jae-in and me for help. How does that sound?”

“That feels way too accurate of a guess,” said the other friend, Jae-in from the other side of the trio. “I think that you just hit him spot-on.”

“It does feel like a suspicious guess, but nevertheless accurate. It does sound bad when you put it up that way, though,” Dawn replied with a smirk and transferring his gaze towards Shinwon’s grimace.

“Isn’t it bad, though? I mean, you don’t usually end up doing that no matter how serious it gets,” teased Jae-in. “What made this any different from the past ones, hmmm?”

Kim Hyojong hesitated for a bit, cleared his throat, and then proceeded to talk with a clearly retreated tone.

“I… I happen to stumble upon a girl… Nayeon…  when I was sending people tons of messages… it went down initially as a random conversation here and there and I thoroughly enjoyed talking to her because she replies so quickly…  it eventually evolved to our ideal types and of course I had to spill mine to her.”

“Ah-huh…. And….?”

“Well, apparently this girl I was talking about introduced me to someone she thought would be suitable for me and that is judging by all the conversations we had prior to that arrangement. She organized a lunch date for the three of us a couple of days ago, and there I finally met the woman that I wanted to talk about.”

Three…?

There’s more than one girl this guy’s talking to?

“Wait, hold up,” Shinwon interfered. “I’m confused… so this person that you initially talk to was not the same girl you’re intending to ask out, but rather her friend?”

“That’s what I am trying to explain man… listen carefully because it is very complicated.”

“I mean, my expectations were low but holy fuck.”

 “Anyway, so I was successful on talking to this friend of hers and I was thoroughly interested on where our conversation would lead, but then she eventually posted a photo on her story with a couple of her other friends and damn I was so stunned with one of her friends bro. She looked so amazing. I knew when I first saw her I’m immediately hooked.”

“What the hell?” Jae-in replied as he stifled a laugh. “I thought you were already talking to this Nayeon girl? How come that it was her friend that you’ve suddenly developed interest on? Is it really that complicated? You just took a 90 degree turn out of her way!”

“Hey, in my defence, I was just talking to Nayeon because she looked like a fun person to talk to, and I was right! Turns out Nayeon and I had a lot of things in common that we’re easily getting along, so when I asked the name of the pretty person on her story she immediately went off and arranged a date for us to meet without an ounce of hesitation. It was just the very first day and yet I’m already mesmerized with her. Damn man, she’s so breathtakingly beautiful.  I learned that her name was Kim Jisoo, which I thought was as pretty as her face could ever be.”

Jae-in silently placed his palm over his forehead while laughing to himself, along with Shinwon fighting his urge to do the same.

Hyojong was definitely something else.

“So, have you gone already and talked to her or at least add her profile?” asked Shinwon. “That way you could at least talk to her directly and not pushing things through with this Nayeon… I mean, this Jisoo girl might think that you’re into her friend and not her.”

“Well, no… Not yet. Of course I wanted to jump right into it and talk to her almost immediately, but my conversation with her friend, Nayeon, stopped me. She said that Jisoo was the type of person who always trusted her first impression on someone that adds her on social media. With that, I checked my wall and realized all the bullshit I’ve been sharing for the past few weeks and they were really embarrassing. Good thing Nayeon told me about the whole first impression thing and I’ve got time to evaluate my profile for it to be interesting for her, but with its current setting I’m pretty sure I got a lot of things to work on first.”

Jae-in knit his eyebrows.

“Didn’t it occur to you that maybe this Jisoo has already taken a peek on your profile by now? You two have literally met, and even if you say that you’re talking through Nayeon, it’s almost impossible to believe that she didn’t even get curious with what you’ve got in store. I’m sure at some point she’s taken a peek to it.”

“I placed a quick remedy for that and temporarily hid all my posts,” Dawn said nonchalant, earning a look of surprise from Jae-in’s end. “I made things as private as I could, and thankfully Nayeon was quick enough to understand why I did that.”

“Wouldn’t that make Jisoo’s impression worse if she sees? That would appear so suspicious; it’s as if you’re trying to hide something… in this case you are, but you know what I mean.”

I honestly don’t see the point why Dawn had to go onto such huge lengths. Maybe there’s something in that first impression that he really values, or an essential element that I’m morbidly lacking.

Until I know what that is, I still feel like this entire overhaul is so unnecessary.

“It might, but the way I look at it… I’d rather delay it for a short while than let her see it the way it is now. In the small chance that she’s not paying attention, then there’s my lucky strike. I’ll be able to change everything before she could even see how crazy I was.”

Shinwon turned a gaze towards Jae-in of which the latter was quick to return. Their eyes met for a brief moment yet they already spoke a ton, perhaps including how they would try to help Hyojong in his problem. Good thing, Shinwon was quite the quick thinker and decided to head on to the route that Dawn was probably trying to steer the conversation into.

“You know what…? I think Jae-in and I could relate to you better if you show us what she looks like. At least then we can see if she’s worthy of our approval, right Jae-in?”

“H-huh…? Sure… I guess…?”

“One sec,” replied Dawn in quick fashion as he immediately fished his phone from his pocket, in turn directing the three of them to seat at the nearby bench within the mall. Seconds later, he flashed a photo of two ladies smiling towards the camera, proceeding to hand his phone over to Shinwon for him to see further. “There. Jisoo is the one on the left and Nayeon’s on the right.”

Shinwon eyed the picture carefully, and then his eyes widened.

“HOLY SHIT, THIS IS THE GIRL YOU’RE TALKING TO?!” he exclaimed, pointing towards the photograph. “Holy shit man, she looks like a goddamn model! You’re so fucking lucky!”

“Dude, that’s Nayeon you’re pointing at.”

Shinwon shifted his finger towards the other girl.

“She is so beautiful!”

Dawn emitted a soft chuckle.

“I get it, they’re both pretty so I get why you’re confused. It was just Nayeon’s idea to bring us together because she felt that we’re… compatible, I guess.”

“Here, take a look Jae-in,” Shinwon said as he handed the phone over.

With that, Jae-in held the phone with the two ladies pictured perfectly. Sure enough, there was no denying that they’re really pretty, and even that felt like an understatement to him. However, perhaps his subsequent fallout with Soyeon caused him to be really disinterested in anything romantic, even down to the smallest details of praising a person’s visuals. He could see why Dawn would take a liking into her, it’s just he could not give his honest opinions about her. He really could not care less.

“She’s pretty,” he concluded, sufficing a smile while returning Dawn his phone. “I can see why you’re interested on her. He looks exactly like you’re type. I approve… I guess.”

“It’s decided then; you get both of our approval,” said Shinwon. “Now, tell us of this plan of yours.”

Dawn straightened his back and sighed, trying to gain confidence.

“Thanks to Nayeon, we know that she likes a good impression. With that, I want to overhaul everything in my profile, man. The picture, the cover, the bio, even the clothes, and anything else I could change to improve a good impression towards her. I want her to get an impression that I’m this chill, reserved yet humorous dude just by looking at the photo. That’s how I want to present myself to her so that she could approach me easily even through messaging.”

Shinwon choked and coughed while Jae-in wide-eyed his statement.

“Damn I didn’t expect it to be that far,” said Jae-in. “You’re re-doing everything from the bottom to the top.”

“I mean, come on man; when was the last time that I’ve been this much of a simp for a girl, hmm? You’ve seen her; you’ve seen how good looking she is. I want to at least match that. I promise you, once this works out, it would be really worth.”

“So where do we come in?”

“Ah, I need your skills and your knowledge. Do you know someone who has knowledge on photography? It’ll be better if it’s someone we know closely. I don’t know if there’s anyone at the United Kangaroo or whatever, who’s into this kinds of things, but I just want things to be perfect in her eyes and I want to look as best as I possibly could get. I need a good photographer, and I’m speaking here because I’m willing to pay the price for it.”

Jae-in suddenly remembered something.

 “Hey what’s wrong with this huh?” Shinwon smirked as he pointed towards Dawn’s current fit. “You’re pretty okay with your current setting man, why don’t you just jump into it right away? You don’t need to re-do everything just… just tweak a couple here and there, maybe?”

“I feel like if I do it this time, I’m not going to achieve anything of the sort and I think I could things better. You know, it should start of as booming as it could be so she could get immediately overwhelmed with how carefully planned my profile was. With that, she’ll be more interested on knowing me and hopefully it could be the ground to start things off, harvesting the seeds I planted from the date and from our future conversations.”

“Well I think you can get those things even if you stay true to yourself. Let me use myself as an example; I barely even give some thought into what I’m wearing every day and it’s my confidence that’s bringing me to the next level. I don’t think you really need to go this far, Hyojong, and risk exhausting yourself for nothing. “

“I told you man… I might end up regretting not doing it the moment that it does not work out. Think about it; if I manage to give a good impression with Jisoo then that’s the best case scenario, right? If, however that that is not the case (which I do hope not), then at least I have my profile set up good. It’s just… I can’t explain it. I just want to look presentable because I trust Nayeon’s advice. She might be someone that I would pursue in the long run, you know.”

“Yeah, what I’m trying to say is you can just head on off and—“

“Shinwon,” Jae-in interrupted right as Shinwon was starting to make gestures in the air in front of him. “I feel like we should just leave Hyojong be, you know. I think he’s pretty much decided already anyway. Sure, maybe you and I could not immediately see why he’s doing this, but maybe there’s something going on with his convo with Nayeon and Jisoo that is making him motivated to do this.”

“You’re definitely correct, Jae-in. There’s just something that I can’t explain, making me push through with all of these. You’ll know when you’re in the situation,” nodded Dawn in agreement.

“Also, at least if Dawn fails this entire thing does not work out for him then we know that his profile is already set for the next agenda of flirting, right?”

“Yah”

“Anyway, my point is that… let’s just help him out Shinwon. Trying to get around the bush and forcing this off would just be fruitless and dumb. I say we let him do it and see what comes out from it, right?”

I do wish this works out for him, though.

“Okay then, fine. Then the first thing we should think of is the photographer. Do you guys know anyone reliable for photography?” asked Shinwon.

“Hey, Kino does that part-time, right? Why don’t we ask him?” Dawn said, his eyes widening upon realization. Jae-in, however, shrugged his shoulders in response.

“I don’t know about that one. The fact that Kino does photography is pretty much already given in United Kwangya, but most of the time he’s really lazy. If he’s not on the mood to do it, his natural skills won’t surface even if you force him by bribing a lunch or something. If you like, I think I know someone who could help you, I just don’t know how I’m going to talk them into this…”

“Wait, you’re being serious? You know someone aside from Kino? Are you sure you can ask them for a favour? Are they professionals at this?”

“Well, not exactly, Dawn, but I think it could get the job done. Just let me worry about how I would convince them to do it.”

“Oh right,” Shinwon’s voice suddenly added to the fray, but before Jae-in could even hear the rest of his statement, his mind began to space out.

And there, just as Shinwon and Hyojong were debating whether it was a good idea to ask United Kwangya’s resident ladies’ man, Hongseok, Jae-in immediately opted himself off of the conversation. He turned his attention towards his phone’s blacked screen; his mind generating thousands of explanations on how to even convince a small favour from Ning Yizhuo from that evening, especially on an oddly timed circumstance directed to his friend instead of himself.

---

Next Chapter: A Coffee Date

[mcalhenwrites]

Some personal stuff below.

This trip... I knew it wouldn't be great. I wasn't looking forward to seeing my parents, I just missed my dog so much. I thought it would be nice to go to a couple of familiar places as well, like a wildlife exhibit and a couple of parks, before I left. Unfortunately, my dad had no problems jumping in and telling me to "shut up" or shushing me for no reason. Degrading me in front of people whenever he had the chance to boast about it. Misgendering and deadnaming me constantly. He even uses my dead name to EXCESS just to use it. He made me cry once. He has lied countless times. He gaslit my mom (only to slip up and admit that he was given the information she was making up by the same person by saying, "Oh well he didn't go with that bc [reason].") So tomorrow morning is likely the last time I ever see my dog in person. I came back and he had gained weight - which in his case is extremely bad for his back legs - due to barely ever getting walks. He had long nails, and I couldn't get an appointment until Saturday so I gave my mom the money and made the appointment. She keeps saying she doesn't need money for him. It doesn't help that my parents are extremely weird and uneducated so my only way to give them money is sending cash or checks via snail mail. And he needed badly groomed, my mom has mostly kept up with this but his back legs were in dire need of attention. I did what I could. Trimmed the parts that are rough from having to be shaved from hot spots - yes I know you don't shave a doublecoated dog but the VETS did it for a medical reason - and around his butt. Got his mats cut or combed out. He's a big fluffy guy now. But what happens down the road? I can't take him. I have worked myself to full capacity so much, and I can't get myself out of this trap. I'm not good enough to sell many books or earn patrons. So I'm stuck. I let myself have a little bit of money to buy some of my own things so my roommate doesn't cover them and give myself a few small treats here and there so I don't go mad. But most of my pay goes to saving for a car so I can keep my job, since I'm getting rides from three different people, and my roommate (one of my rides) owns an electric car that barely makes it to both our workplaces. Its battery drains faster in cold weather. I have a time limit before I might have to quit my job. (Again, I work two towns over and live in the country.) I'm so sad I don't have a house. I'm so sad I don't have a yard for my dog. I'm so sad I don't have income above $700/month. I don't know what to do. Sell books? I thought I'd work on writing during the time I visited, but this house is in poor condition, and it smells badly of mold, and I think that's flaring my fibro. I'm in so much pain, I started having pain in my heels again when that went away about four weeks after I moved out of state and never came back again. Until now. :/ I'm not sure what to do. I'm a failure. That's clearer every fucking day. I understand we are often powerless to change our situations, but... mine feels like it's my fault. I shouldn't have gotten a dog 10 years ago. It's not like I'm dealing with something beyond my control... I cause more bad than good in this world, that's how it feels. Edit: I will be very glad to return home, that's for sure.

[bittertarot]

Hi! I swear I’m not trying to spam requests but I accidentally forgot to add my sun sign to the first one. But my nickname is Swan, and I’m a Libra. I wanted an Idol new years wishes for me with Hyunjin, Lee Know, and Bangchan from Stray Kids. I spent my Christmas dragging others into Karaoke. Again, I’m so so sorry and I hope you’re well 🫶🏽

Hello, it's fine, don't worry about it! Karaoke sounds great! Now, let's figure this out; Stray Kids Members New Years Wishes for you? Hyunjin : *Ace of Wands Reversed, 4 of Pentacles Reversed, 9 of Wands Reversed* - Judging by Wands showing up twice, it seems Hyunjin wishes for you to focus on what you're passionate about and place all your willpower into making it come into fruition. - Pentacles showing up tells me Hyunjin wishes for you to focus on your financial status, your material aspects as well as embracing yourself, sensuality, earthly nature, developing yourself as a person. Ace = He wants you to focus on beginnings and the potential you have 4 = Focus on stability and applying that stability to your day-day life 9 = Focus on fulfilling yourself, getting inspiration from those around you or those that you admire, being less idealistic and more realistic. General Wishes; * Develop more hobbies to fill up the boredom/slump you're in * Become more passionate about your ideas, don't give up! * You're reaching burnout and are exhausted, try to find ways to balance your responsibilities without feeling too burdened * Be less stiny/possessive of your money, frugality is good, but excess of it can lead to disaster. Lee Know : *10 of Pentacles, Knight of Pentacles Reversed, Queen of Cups Reversed* - Due to Pentacles showing up twice, he's telling you to work more on your financial income, your money, etc. He wants you to focus on it, pay attention to it! It will be beneficial. - Cups is him seeming to wish for you to re-evaluate your relationships, how you feel about them. Whether it's friends, family, a partner, etc. Prioritise those closer to you and try to back away from those whom seem to negatively affect you. 10 = He wants you to complete a cycle of sorts? I keep hearing "final", something badly affecting you will come to an end this year. Knight = A messenger, maybe your FS/a romantic partner who will teach you valuable life lessons is on their way to you, masculine energy is here. Queen = Focus on embracing your feminine energy, let the divine feminine speak. Even if you're not a woman, it's okay to embrace that feminine nature hidden. General Wishes; * Focus on overcoming any insecurities, try to warm up to those who truly care about you and become less dependant on those who are not good for you! * Some sort of culmination of hard work or inheritance is on its way to you, use that to help build a legacy of something important to you. * Enjoy the sense of fulfilment you'll get from all your hard work soon * Don't be obsessive when it comes to work, look for rewards, don't work without rewards. Bang Chan : No cards came out. He just doesn't seem like he wants to talk, I'm sorry! That's all for this reading, thank you for joining me, I hope you have a wonderful year.

[malorisaurus]

This has easily been the worst holiday season of my life, and I have been struggling profoundly. That is why I disappeared, really. Family I am no-contact with suddenly became excessively aggressive in their pressure, and a lot of grief that I hadn't addressed surfaced (ultimately positive because it means I am acknowledging and mindfully addressing it and moving toward acceptance). My father expanded his boundary pushing and I decided it was best for me to respond to him for the first time 2.5 years to establish my clear boundary so that if he continued to cross it I could block him without guilt (I still have to jump through a lot of emotional hoops with myself). He respected my request and didn't respond to my messages and has stopped texting, so now I have the annoying problem of the panic that comes with that—what are his motives? Is this a tactic and then he will redouble his efforts when he goes back to being annoyed that this has continued for so long?

I am trying to let it go while being mindful of the fear and panic that arises whenever I hear from him while also trying to look at this from more positive angles. I want my father to acknowledge my autonomy and respect me; in this circumstance, the only way for him to do that is to not reach out to me in accordance with my request. It doesn't mean that I have to change my position on this relationship, but it can be an opportunity to feel better instead of allowing intrusive thoughts to run rampant. It is very difficult for me to regulate in this way, though.

But between him and his mother, this entire month has been filled with ulterior motives expressed under the guise of birthday and Christmas wishes; I have not had peace. It made me feel stupid for not blocking them earlier, but to do so felt like abandoning hope of reform, and I had to realize that it was a bad premise for me to hold the door open for them with that demand on the other side of it. I don't deal in denial of another's autonomy or ultimatums. I am not safe with them, and I am not in a place where I can be vulnerable with them without being retraumatized, or at the very least, without moving beyond my capacity/ability to regulate. And since unmasking, it has become very difficult for me to mask my Autistic meltdowns and behaviors while in distress. I am not safe doing that with them, so it is an impossibility for me to open lines of communication at this point. That is a good enough reason to block numbers to avoid dealing with the stressors while I continue to process through the CPTSD.

On top of that, today my mother sent me an audio recording of my mentally ill brother going through an episode of psychosis because she didn't know what to do.

I talked her through ways to help him and was an ear for her to process her feelings—it is heartbreaking and so grief inducing (how can you not despair when someone you love is in so much pain?) but it is also a bit crazy-making having blaring music and wailing and shouting. I understand being frayed when that is your constant reality. My mom has been doing a good job of managing her overwhelm as her own issue, so that is fortunate. But she struggles to know how to offer him touchstone spaces that are low on pressure and still engage with him on his level, and instead, she leaves him to his raving and tries to ignore it. To be fair, she is the primary breadwinner of their household as well and she is working from home. It is a lot.

I feel pretty helpless most of the time, and I did have to go and cry and process through a huge surge of anger when she sent that message to me. She is doing the best she can with what she has, but it is often just so inadequate. The lack of healthcare options for low-income people is so profoundly damaging, and I grieve for our lack over our lives. And truly my parents have given us so much trauma and grief. My father is a truly awful person as it stands now. And while I believe that people can change, and I do not believe in dehumanizing even people whom I hate (unfortunately, I love him but I also profoundly hate him), he shows no interest in acknowledging his behavior. My mother has made a lot of very damaging choices, and my siblings and I bore the brunt of the consequences of those decisions. Now, she is too invested in maintaining the status quo when it absolutely does not serve anyone, least of all my brother. I am truly so angry at all that my siblings and I have suffered at the hands of our parents, which is a lot, sadly.

My brother carries so much pain. I listen to him and I see a man who is trapped in a prison of all of our shared traumas, his own unique traumas, and then the mental illness that he has no help or real support with. He desperately wants things in his life and has no recourse to achieve them. And unmasking is such a hugely vulnerable act, and he trusts no one and with good reason. I want to be a safe person for him, but I can't convince him to trust me. So he is just so trapped. I hurt for him, but all I can do is continue to reach out and let him know that I am there—a thousand unanswered text messages and voicemails.

So yeah, a lot of weight all at once. A lot of grief. I don't know what the future will hold, but I am working hard to be the person that I want to be through putting in the work to heal, putting the work in toward accountability, and by being present and available to those that need me.

[sometimesrosy]

Hey Rosy, somewhat of a difficult “question”. I live in a smaller country in Europe, where things are getting very difficult. We’re considered a 1st world country, but I digress. My mom has a pretty good high-paying job, still only middle-class, so I was fortunate enough to grow without anything missing, although there were no luxuries and almost no traveling, etc. But, if we felt like eating out on a friday afternoon, we would, for example. Eventually I went to live with my boyfriend at a rented house, and we considered ourselves lucky to have that rent at that time, because prices were already spiking. We were able to maintain a normal lifestyle, no big excesses but we could pay for everything, spend some money on our hobbies, and still save by the end of the month. We even went on a big vacation, although my mom helped a bit there. Fast forward to now and we bought a house, after some insistence from my mom, and because it really was the best thing to do: the house we were in was without contract and price of everything was still raising like crazy. Who knew if we’d stay at the house next month or the landlord would double the rent or kick us out? So, we got ourselves a nice apartment, SUPER EXPENSIVE, but we got it. It absolutely drained us, especially my mom and grandma who paid for the full 10% entrance, otherwise we couldn’t buy it. Rent now, as in, payment to the bank, has been very high, and in June it will be even higher. I don’t think any of us had any idea of how ridiculously expensive everything is now, but we’re having a difficult time, mentally, paying for everything. I have a minimum wage job as I can’t find anything better even with my degree, and my bf gets paid a bit more but is also taxed more, so I ended up bringing more home than him. We have been able to pay for everything, but it’s been impossible to save even if 20€. We finished last month with 5€ in our accounts, and this is because my mom helps us a lot and does most of the grocery shopping. With so much stress, I’ve already went to the hospital with a nervous gastritis, which made me miss work and the cut on my salary was HUGE. I can’t help but feel even more stressed, knowing it’s being hard now and that in June it will get worse. Sometimes I even regret buying this apartment. It’s not even the fact that I can’t do anything else besides paying bills, it’s the fact that buying a 10€ book after 3 months of spending 0 money on anything else but bills and rent might make us not be able to pay the bills for this month, and how guilty I’d feel for that. I’ve been working my butt off, even doing some side jobs, and we still can’t save even if 10€. I feel like I’m living on auto pilot, and I know that, unfortunately, this is how millions of people live. I’m just looking for ways to cope.

I am familiar with this struggle. It's definitely hard, no matter where you live in the world right now. I'm not sure anywhere is stable. I don't feel the us is stable either. Expenses keep going up and wages... aren't.

So there are three different ways you can handle this struggle, I think. Or rather. Three different elements.

Cut expenses. (money going out.) It sounds like you've already done that. But you might want to look into some things you're spending money on that you aren't using. Like streaming subscriptions, or a cheaper phone/internet plan. Renegotiate some of your current bills. Who knows? It might work. Or you might want to buy groceries in bulk or generic instead of brand name. I actually think you SHOULD still allow room for small pleasures, like your book, and cut back on expenses you wouldn't even notice, like brand names, if you can.

Increase income. (money coming in.) I know I know. Your jobs don't pay enough. You can't find a better job. I get that. If that's the case, ok. I understand. Find other ways to bring money in. A job on the weekend. Seasonal work. Freelancing. Monetize a hobby. Maybe even selling some of your stuff. Or stuff you get from thrift stores. Yard sales or internet sales or consignment. Maybe a roommate if you have a guest room. A roommate can offer a lot of relief on that rent stress.

Decrease anxiety. My friend. I know not having money is stressful. It makes you afraid. But. BUT. It's just money. Money is a temporary problem. It flows in and it flows out and sometimes there will be more coming in and sometimes there will be more going out. You are making yourself sick over it. Literally. Think back to some previous times in your life when you were short on funds and realize how you got through it. And how when you got through it, the anxiety went away. Because it's just temporary. It's just money. Find ways to enjoy your life REGARDLESS of money. Stop thinking you can't enjoy your life. If that book is too expensive, go to a used book store. Or trade with your friends. Join a collective. Look online for places where people are giving away free or discounted things. Go to free shows and festivals. Visit the beach or parks to decompress. Find outlets that don't cost money. Romanticize the life you have instead of the life the media wants to sell you.

I am giving this advice based on my life in the states, of course. I don't know what's available to you in your country, so I can only offer suggestions that I know of in this country. I do know that there are freelance jobs paying US dollars that you can work from wherever you are. When I worked for a ghostwriting company, a lot of the other freelancers were in other countries. Maybe you could find some sort of freelance side job using your degree. Maybe you can also get some assistance from your government-- but again I don't know what would be available in your country.

But let yourself breathe. It sucks not having money, I know, but once you figure out some ways to juggle income and expenses, there will be breathing room again.

[fear-the-electric-pea]

Hi I'm just a random person who saw your poll in the #polls tag... unsolicited advice incoming, feel free to ignore:

Judging by your blog I'm probably quite a bit older than you, and I also have ADHD. Over time I've learned there are a small number of things in life that are genuinely really important to remember, and the birthdays of close family and friends are on that list. It can be a major challenge, but it's a good idea to start building strategies to help if you want to maintain any relationships!

Personally I have a digital calendar with those dates pre-loaded, as well as other unmissable events (helps to have this simple calendar with just the major/vital things separated out from my regular weekly schedule, so I can see them clearly and plan reminders). I try to get round to checking it at least twice a month, and when I see a birthday coming up I make a BIG note and put it on my desk, make a new note in a different colour a couple of days before, maybe even write it on my arm, set an alarm to remind me etc. Even remembering to do that is a challenge, but that's why practicing with birthdays is important – it takes time to build those habits, but they're vital skills to learn because other things in life are even more important to remember (e.g. deadlines that will get you fired or in legal trouble if you miss them).

Also I'd suggest that unless your mom is abusive and you actually don't want to be in contact or something, then it would be a good idea to apologise. At the same time, maybe have a more in-depth conversation about how much ADHD affects your memory, how you didn't skip it on purpose, and ask for help getting more organised or getting coaching/meds etc. if needed. You could also ask your parents to be more gentle about memory lapses in the future, not to assume that forgetting something means you don't care about it, and generally ask for more sympathy with how difficult this is for you... but you should still apologise to your mom. ADHD isn't your fault, it makes these things much harder and you deserve support, but it is possible to work with it, and it's not an excuse to just pretend mistakes didn't happen or get defensive and refuse to apologise when you miss important events.

Anyway, I don't know you and for all I know you'll hate this message and hate me, but I had to try to pass on some wisdom as a somewhat older person with ADHD who learned these lessons the hard way!

Hi. Thank you for the advice. I actually called her to wish her a happy birthday today and apologize for forgetting already. I have a calendar which is set up to give me notifications for these things, but for some reason it just didn't. I don't use my ADHD as an excuse, and I know it doesn't mean I didn't kinda mess up, I only think my stepdad's (the person who texted me) response to it was a bit accusatory and excessive considering him and my mom know I have problems remembering things (especially numbers and dates).

To be perfectly honest that poll is not super representative of the whole situation and there have been quite a few conversations about this and never any support. She's always been quick to assume that basically anything I do or don't do means I don't care about her or don't love her and honestly I'm so so tired. I just can't fucking do this. I'm barely 19. I can't keep trying to make her believe me that I love her. I'm not sure I even believe it anymore.

Sorry to vent but I felt I had to provide some context for why the text upset me. Thank you again for the advice. I promise I don't hate you for it. It might not help much with all the messiness of this particular situation, but it's still good advice.

[insidekaz]

It's Been 4 Months...

First off, let me start off with a classic "Howdy everyone." It's me, your favorite enby who's the envy of every man, woman, and other on how I wear my beanie. (I mean, it's less of a beanie and more like an elongated stocking cap, but who's really fact-checking here?) I know that it's been a good four month since I've made any kinds of update here, which I do believe an explanation is in order for such. I'll just give you the quick TLDR:

October:

Started Unemployment

Got laid off, haven't been called back since, so they're probably not going to call me back

Excessively cleaned the apartment

November:

Still unemployed

Fully accepted that I'm not getting called back, expanding job hunting searching to a wider range

Looked into remote jobs I can do from home

Stopped excessively cleaning

December:

FINALLY GOT A JOB AT A HARDWARE STORE

Christmas

Got a new alter, their name being Source (alter #10)

New Year's

Back to work again

This brings us up to speed for January, specifically today being January 30th, where just before 8 this morning I was unceremoniously fired by one of the two managers that work there. I've never wanted to make any of my blog post rant post, nor am I going to start now. What I am going to say, however, that I was fired for what I believe were bullshit grounds, said reasons that were given to me being listed below.

I missed the third day I was suppose to work, reason being that the two days before hand they had me carrying lawnmowers, weed trimmers, and other heavy lawn care equipment up two flights of stairs for eight hours a day. This resulted in my already bad knee getting worse and me needing to purchase a bracer for my knee

What he described as my "general attitude" towards him. When I asked him to clarify on that, he refused to do so, telling me that "he shouldn't have to explain."

Afterwards, I was escorted to the back room to grab my things, given my most recent paycheck by the assistant manager (who was also taken by surprise), and then escorted by the manager out the back door where we take out the trash, door closed swiftly behind me. (I wasn't even given the usual "wish you the best" schtick that other businesses will hit you with.)

Now listen, I don't wanna play the race card, but if I were to list all the minor incidents and slight verbal altercations that happened between the two of us, it would be clearly outlined that said manager did have very glaring negative details of his personality. Honestly, the fact that he waited until after I had changed into my work vest and already made my way to the cashier at the front of the store only to turn me back around and kick me out says a thing or two. He always did like to blatantly waste my time.

So, where does this leave me exactly? Well, as of right now, I'm currently unemployed. I've got about 4 and a half hundred with this paycheck that they gave me, another 6 bands dropping into my account next week, and about 2 hundred in my checking as we speak. I've got enough towards bills and such for a at least a bit. I'm still living with my partner, so not everything is terrible.

Still, I'm not gonna turn into one of those guys that just sits at home and refuses to get a job. My partner is already starting to pull 10+ hours at the factory so that all of our income isn't going straight to bills and other necessities, which I do feel terrible about. They keep telling me that "it isn't my fault", but I can't help but still feel like it is, ya know? They shouldn't have to pull extra hours just so that we can get by. I've already started looking into a new job, applications already starting to be filled out the moment that I got home and sat at my computer. I'm gonna find another job soon, hopefully by the end of this week. I'll try to keep this blog updated with more life changes in the future.

Here's what I've been listening to. As always, don't do anything I wouldn't do. If you do, at least make it cool.

[littleredroseonthevalley]

Better Ways to Console a Man

Summary: Amy feels that Connor might be a little off from his usual self. It raises some concerns.

Rating: R - Content features heavy themes. Not suitable for most audiences. Consult warnings before proceeding.

Non-explicit depictions of nonconsensual sexual activity. Reader discretion is highly advised.

Words: 1000

Notes: Felt like some blond hunk in my life, so I bashed him a little.

Amy is hesitant. It is not as if it is the first time she, or they, are doing such a thing, nor is she so young to cause scandal. However, as an of-age, experienced young woman, she is still unsure whether she is fully comfortable with the proposition set forward by Connor that evening.

It was just another night. Quiet time that they spend together at his small apartment over the hardware store, away from prying eyes. It was to be expected for the young and healthy couple to fool around a bit, even desirable, but their nocturne lovemaking activities had not been feeling quite right for her lately.

He feels… Different. She supposes that all of them have been through a few traumatic events in those last few days, with the death of his mother and all that Power business all over again, and that would justify anything off about any of their acquaintances. Still, perhaps sex is not the answer, and there might be more efficient or reasonable methods of consoling his loss.

None of them are raised, though. Her brows furrowed as he kisses down her body, kneading her flesh in the way he had come to know was her favourite. Her thoughts were momentarily torn away from the condom laying unopened on her bedside table and directed towards her boyfriend’s tongue as it swept across her swelling bud.

It is one of those nights, she gathers.

"Pay attention to me." He said, voice distorted.

Connor has been a little more forceful, with a animalistic character to his demeanour on those moments of intimacy, but that is not what raises her attention. Such a thing had always slept dormant under the surface of his personality, and she cannot find in herself to complain about what has been a most pleasant experience, a fun and exciting change of pace.

No, what truly bothers Amy is not how he deals with her or his slight disregard for his pacing. It is how that contraception seems to be a contentious affair, which had never been before. She is on the pill, of course, but that has never been a reason for him not to use a condom, too. They never talked about it, but both understand that they are certainly not in a place conductive to children, and so it is not a good idea to risk it if they can help it.

Yes, they love each other. Yes, they have an understanding that they are, eventually, getting married, when she leaves college and he finds a more stable source of income with his art. No, neither of them is really struggling with income or have some great debt burden. Still, no children for now, and no measure to avoid them is really excessive.

She gasps breathily as a calloused finger joins the stimulation to her intimacy, prodding at her hole and coaxing it open. He pushes it in and keeps his movements slow and steady, stretching her open. She grows wetter as he continues to stroke her and the tongue at her clit as excitement builds and overtakes her body. He has always been exceptional at giving head.

Her hand tangles in his silky yellow hair, tugging on the strands and pushing his head deeper into her. The sensations distract her from the thin plastic that cages the thin latex.

Her thighs begin to tremble around his head as Connor removes his fingers and lifts her knees to throw them over his broad shoulders, his arms wrapped around each one in a firm hold, hands settled on either side of her waist. It was on the verge of being painful, very possessive, almost impossible for her to sneak out of.

His tongue definitively and solely replaces his long digits as he begins to alternate between thrusting it into her hole that begins to clench and mouthing at her throbbing nub.

Her virile boyfriend stops before Amy reaches her climax, moving quickly as he swirls his tongue around his glistening mouth to collect the slick that coats his plump lips and the skin around it. She whines at the loss of contact, pulling at the hem of his shirt before he rips it off and kicks off the black, battered sweatpants he uses as sleepwear.

His cock jumps while he positions himself over her. Her hands slide down his bare skin, running through the athletic figure, finally settling on his hips as she mirrors the tight grip he had on her waist. The head of his cock slaps against her clit as her concerns return to the forefront of her mind.

"Connor, wait…" She mumbles, squeezing at the soft flesh under her fingers.

"What?" He whispers distractedly as he pecks her neck, damp nose brushing her jaw.

"I think that you should put the condom on." His silence and the halting of his kisses has her stomach turning, and she races into a justification. "I-I just think…"

"We don't need it." He lifts his head. "It’s a thin piece of latex, and you’re on the pill. It's useless."

"It won't matter much if we do use it, then." She argues back.

The blond man huffs, annoyance conveyed in the way he rolls his eyes. "No, it's pointless. I won't let anything bad happen, I promise."

Amy sighs, a protest on her tongue before it dies as a familiar stretching sensation rises in her core. She moans, digging her nails into his skin.

"See? It makes no difference." He says, almost smug.

She licks her lips as she locks eyes with her boyfriend. "I want to use it anyway."

"I don't." He puffs as he pushes more of himself into her. "I'm already in she anyway. I can't just pull out now. Relax."

Amy is still uncomfortable, worry and hesitancy keeping her from doing as he asked. Connor kisses her until she finally gives in, returning affection as she fights off the concerns in her mind.

It goes on as planned.

*_*_*_*_*

ILITW Masterlist