#or the ~yours... are big~ should go in the tag too
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
parfaitblogs · 3 days ago
Text
making the bed ❀ s. reid x reader
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
in which your night crumbles around you, and spencer is happy to pick up the pieces. 
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: hurt/comfort  tags: established relationship. (prior) alcohol consumption. reader is semi-drunk (but sobers up). post drinking depression. healthy alcohol information/discussion 🫡 word count: 2.1k a/n: do not read too much into this for you will begin to question why i still enjoy going clubbing. (joke...) 😄 plsss tell me if u liked this or even if u didnt thank u i love uuuuuu
Alcohol is a depressant. 
You remembered the God awful lecture your boyfriend had given you when you woke up one Sunday morning with this feeling of existential dread, and nothing to pin it to. A ramble about how alcohol can temporarily increase the body's production of dopamine and serotonin when entering, causing a worse crash of both chemicals when it leaves. Leaving you, evidently, depressed and anxious after a big night. 
You knew that. 
You also knew how quick you were to seclude within your mind when you were with people. Too many drinks and not enough social interaction tended to lead to your own isolation, sitting on the outer edge of the booth, absentmindedly playing with the charm on the end of your phone. 
The room no longer spun the way it had an hour ago. You missed when it spun. When it spun, you weren't thinking about how little you had to contribute to the conversations your friends were having. You weren't tallying up how many drinks you had already drank, then falling flat when you realised you couldn't remember, and that was a thought more horrifying than knowing it was over ten. You were fun, when the room was a carousel. 
Now, it's simply overwhelming. Loud chattering from both your table, and the surrounding ones. Clinking of glasses at the bar. A sports game on the television across the room. Balls on a pool table being dispersed for the first time in a game. Dancing feet. Music. People. So many fucking people.
Your phone buzzes against the table, and you pick it up before any of your friends could turn their heads to see where the vibrations were coming from. You figured they were too drunk to conclude it was you, anyways. Or to care. 
Spencer had texted you fifteen minutes ago to check in on you, and though it wasn't long ago, you not responding immediately in a flurry of half strung together sentences and emojis was worrying for him. That was probably why his name was now lighting up your screen, a funny photo of him mid-bite of an ice cream as his contact photo, enlarged. 
You hadn't responded for no reason other than the fact that you had no will to. Which should've been a big enough red flag to yourself that you should text him, and you should ask if he can pick you up. Thankfully, he loved to prove how well he could read you, and he was calling you anyways. 
"Hi," you mumble into the phone, angling your body away from your friends, hand held up to your other ear to block out some of the noise the best you could. 
"Hi," he parrots back to you. "You okay?"
An automatic yes manifests on your tongue, but you're quick enough to keep it to yourself before you can lie to him. Instead, you let out a quiet, "No."
He seems to have expected that answer, for he leaves no silence in between your admission and his response. "What can I do to help?" He also seems to be expecting your hesitance at asking him for anything that would require him to move, because he adds, "I can pick you up. Do you want me to pick you up?"
"Yes. Please?"
"I'm already leaving," he tells you, and you can hear his shoes against the wooden floor of his apartment to confirm that. "Did something happen? Are you safe?"
"No, nothing happened. I'm safe," you reassure him. "I started feeling sick so I stopped drinking an hour ago. Now I'm just sad."
"You remember what I told you about it being a depressant?"
"Vividly," you mutter, and while it isn't meant to be funny, you hear him huff a short laugh anyways. It makes you feel a little better. 
"It's important to know," he defends. "I'm sorry I shared important information with you."
"Mm."
Your lack of a verbal response was expected, but he still hated the sound of it regardless. You heard him sigh. "I have to hang up now. I'll be there in forty minutes. Will you be okay?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. I love you."
"Love you too."
No matter how much time had passed, your head lifted every time the door — that your group was so conveniently close to — opened, letting in a rush of cool air and sobering you up with every hit of it. 
True to his word, Spencer was entering the bar after forty minutes, face scrunching up at the sudden onslaught of noises and visual stimuli. Same boat as you, only he had not a drop of alcohol in his body. At least you weren't crazy about it being overstimulating. 
"This is why I don't go to bars," he says once he's approached your booth, and you had stood up next to you, his hand finding an automatic place on your waist. 
"It's usually not this bad," you tell him, but he decides not to ask you anything else upon hearing just how exhausted your voice sounds. You're grateful for that.
The goodbye to your friends is quick, Spencer rattling off a lie about him needing you home for he had work early the next morning, and you only had one key to the apartment. Even the friends who knew that wasn't the case didn't comment on it, and you made a pointless mental note to thank them for it later. You knew you wouldn't. 
The drive home was even faster. Silence, aside from the rush of the wind from your slightly cracked window as Spencer drove, that helped the sick feeling in your stomach from the alcohol you had consumed. 
It didn't seem to help the hollowness of your chest, though.
You weren't sure if anything would, really. A chemical imbalance in your brain — even one as temporary as the deflation from being drunk — was hard to fix without medication. It would go away, yes. But then you would make the mistake of drinking once more, and you would find yourself back in this brain peeling predicament. 
You showered alone. Despite Spencer's offer to join you, and your own personal desire for him to be there with you. It didn't help your fogged mind at all, and you were exiting the bathroom feeling like you had retreated further into your bones. Every movement felt clunky, your skin a heavy coat to your skeleton, restricting your movement down to short shuffles and barely lifted arm movements. 
He was reading when you reentered your bedroom, and you've never seen him put a book and his glasses back on his bedside table faster. He looked visibly tired. Keeping himself awake a seemingly difficult struggle, that you could feel your body heading towards to as well. 
"Hey," he says as you climb into the bed, and he's very patient as you figure out what position you want your bodies in. Head on his chest, but next to him, you had decided on, and his fingers entangled into your hair.
"Hi," you mumble, staring up at the ceiling, counting brush strokes of the paint, as if it were possible to.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
You huff at the phrase, tilting your head upwards so your eyes could land on him. "Do you have a penny?"
He pauses, then angles his head closer towards yours. "Okay, kiss for your thoughts?"
"That'll just distract me."
"Is that what you want?"
You should say no. Arguably the last thing you should be doing when you're sad is let intimacy with your boyfriend distract you. But then again, you're not the best advocate for healthy coping mechanisms anyways. 
"Maybe."
"Maybe?" he muses, and his lips brush against yours. Your heart flutters. 
"I don't really know what I want," you settle on telling him, honestly. "I want my brain to shut up."
His body deflates beneath you, and you feel guilt chip away up your spine at the killing of the less depressing atmosphere. 
"Sorry," you mumble.
"No. It's good. Be honest with me," he reassures you, quietly. His fingers tap at your scalp, "What's going on up here?"
"I'll cry if I try to verbalise it."
"Crying's good for you, you know," he hums.
"I'm pretty sure I still have eyeliner in my waterline. I'll just stain your sheets," you retort. 
"Yeah, probably. That's fine."
You're silent for a few moments, gathering your thoughts in your brain the best you could despite yourself, before you sit up, his hand dropping to the bed beside you.
"I just don't like being... here? Out? I don't know. I'm just really sick of being sad every time I drink. Is there something wrong with me? Did you get sad whenever you drank? Everyone else I know loves going out for drinks because they have fun and they're giggly drunks, or they're clingy drunks. And if I drink too much then I'm a fucking sad drunk, and I'm the only person I know that gets that way. I want to be normal."
He's silent your entire rant, and then some, waiting for your heaving chest to slow, having caught the few tears that slipped down your cheeks. You were grateful — you needed that time.
He reaches a hand out, and you let him tug you back down to the bed, slotting your body atop his own, just so he could see you properly. 
"To answer your question, no, I didn't get sad when I drank," he says, brushing your hair out of your face, before his hands rest on either side of your face. "But I wasn't really happy, either. I just talked more."
"You already talk a lot."
His lips twitch. "I do. Double whatever you think my worst is, and that was me drunk. Focus on the part where I said I wasn't a happy drunk, please."
"But you weren't sad. So there is something wrong with me."
"No, there's not. Alcohol is a depressant," he punctuates his words with a kiss to your nose, which you gratefully accept despite your emotions. "Are you willing to give up alcohol as a whole?" 
"My friends will think I'm boring, then."
He hesitates in his response, but ultimately settles on asking, "Do you think I'm boring because I don't drink?"
"No. Obviously not. And you have a real reason for not drinking, so—"
"—and being sad isn't a real reason to not drink?"
Taken aback by his sudden sternness, you go quiet, breath hitching within your throat. He was right, ultimately. No reason is reason enough. You knew that. 
Sensing your discomfort at his tone, he expels a breath of air and lowers his hands down to your hips. His voice drops to something a little less harsh, as he murmurs, "You are allowed to not want to drink alcohol if you don't like the way it makes you feel. If your friends think you're boring for that, then they're not worth it."
You silently nod your head, beginning to curse your emotional regulators. For while you had kept your tears at bay for the vast majority of this conversation, it seemed all it took was the gentle rubbing of circles onto your hip bones, and a fact checked piece of life advice from your boyfriend to make you cry. 
"Sorry," you sniffle, dropping your head to the crook of his neck to hide your newly tear stricken face. 
"Crying's good for you," he repeats his earlier words, and feels you nod your head. "You don't have to decide tonight. I'd encourage you not to, actually. You're technically still intoxicated."
"I'm sober," you protest, weakly. 
"Okay, honey." He's only agreeing with you to wane any further argument. "I don't think your friends will think you're boring, though, if that's any help."
"I don't think they will either."
He nods his head, and you're relaxing against him a little more. 
"Are you just trying to not be the only loser who doesn't drink?" you mumble, voice muffled by his skin.
"You've caught me."
He relishes in the laugh that leaves your lips, and he places the gentlest of kisses on the side of your head, which prompts you to lift it to look at him again. 
"You're not a loser for not drinking," you say, and his lips pull into a smile. 
He leans his head up, brushing his lips against yours, despite the mix of mint toothpaste and alcohol on your tongue. "I know. You wouldn't be either."
"I know."
your reblogs and replies are always appreciated ♡
697 notes · View notes
spideyjimin · 19 hours ago
Text
Wait for your love | jjk (teaser)
Tumblr media
—  pairing: firefighter!jungkook x female reader 
—  genre: kind of exes to lovers, parents au, angst, fluff, and smut 
— rating: 18+ 
—  summary: sixteen years ago, your life was turned upside down when you surrendered to the temptation — none other than jungkook, the star basketball player on your school’s team. today, after all that time, you reunite under tragic circumstances; a car crash where he saves your life.
—  words: 577
—  author’s note: here you have the teaser of the fic i’m currently working on 🤗 you have a tiny little teaser below & i hope you’ll enjoy it ❤️
—  tag list: let me know in any way if you want to be tagged when i post this and if you are part of my permanent taglist, you will automatically be added ✨
Tumblr media
Jungkook and his team got called for a car accident involving several cars, and when they arrived, the scene was horrific.
There are probably five cars pressed and smashed one against the other. There are people injured and bleeding walking around the scene. Paramedics are already taking care of them, but Jungkook is walking to the cars to retrieve the people stuck inside. His captain screams orders and tells him which car he should go to.
His eyes look around, his heart breaking when he sees everyone involved and still stuck in their cars. Visions like this are quite common for him, it doesn’t happen all the time but it’s still recurrent. At the end of the day, his job is to save people in this type of situation.
When he reaches the car, he was assigned to, he takes a look at how many people there are inside. There’s just one person, a woman behind the steering wheel. She has her hand on her head, clearly showing that she might have a headache. She doesn’t really move. Instantly, Jungkook tries to open the door, but it’s showing a bit of resistance.
It feels impossible to open the door, but Jungkook sees the woman’s head falling. He’s getting worrier; she’s slumping into sleep which isn’t a good sign as she was holding her head barely seconds ago. He then proceeds to break the window so he can try to open it from inside. There are other possible ways, but it would be harder and more dangerous to get her out of the vehicle.
“Ma’am,” he says with urge.
Eventually, he manages to open the damn door from the inside. A good part of the car’s front is crashing into her. Before even thinking of taking her out, he places a cervical collar to protect her neck and spine.
“Ma’am,” he repeats. “Can you hear me?”
She doesn’t answer at all. Jungkook gets closer, his fingers brushing the hair from her face, but when he finally gets to properly see the woman’s face, his heart skips a beat. This woman is none other than you. His mind can’t start to get lost in the past right now. He needs to focus on taking you out of the car.   
You’re in pretty bad shape.
There’s blood on your forehead, you most probably have a wound on top of your head. There’s also blood at the level of your stomach, turning your green shirt into a very dark color. He can distinguish a big fragment of glass shoved into your belly. It doesn’t look good. Your legs are also completely smashed by the front, causing the steering wheel to be very close to your body.  Hopefully, your legs aren’t too injured. He doesn’t even want to start thinking about all the bruises on your body.
Slowly, he places one hand behind your back while his other hand slowly pushes your legs. He’s trying to be as careful as possible to avoid causing any other injury.  His strong arms hold you once he manages to fully remove you from the car. His eyes look down at your face with evident pain. He notices how you’re trying to open your eyes which makes him think that you’re trying to fight the urge to fall asleep.
“Yn,” he says while walking to an ambulance. “Please, stay with me,” he whispers with despair. “I’ve finally found you, and I can’t lose you right away.”
351 notes · View notes
boofeine · 2 days ago
Text
complicated freak – lsk
Tumblr media
pairing: dk x fem reader
genre: smut one shot
synopsis: you feel horrible for pretending to pay attention at anything he might be rambling in front of you right now; your thoughts wherelse, at the image of his thick cock.
warnings: mdni, fingering, dirty talk, roleplay (kinda), one single spank, cum, riding, mention of face riding, fighting dominance, descriptive, protected penetrative sex
song: baby said by maneskin / complicated freak by harry styles / ironically shhh! by viviz also came out :)
tags: @huen1ngk4i @aaniag @svteensworld @unlikelysublimekryptonite
Tumblr media
Seokmin is a lot of things, but what he's most known for is his sweetness and kindness. That's what draws you in on first place. He's so welcoming, makes your heart flutter just from receiving his attention. You were done for, when you got yourself just a little bit way too into it, into him, the way butterflies come to your stomach when he gets shy on your presence.
It came as a surprise for you too, when he turned a completely different person between sheets. You have no idea in which point you got yourself in here, but it's definitely not your last. You got your body against his more times than you could admit, and crave it more than you think you should. The problem is that he's so soft, it makes you feel dirty for having this thoughts when he's not burried on your pussy.
You feel horrible for pretending to pay attention at anything he might be rambling in front of you right now. Your thoughts wherelse, at the image of his thick dick. He rests his back on the sofa, his spread legs on the floor not doing any good either as you stare at his side profile while he talks.
The outline of his nose making you remember how deliciously it pokes at your clit while he tongue fucks you, a rush of heat spreading on your body up to your cheeks as your core suddenly feel needy for his attention. Every time he looks up to the ceiling like he's thinking what he will say next, gathering his thoughts, your mind is wilding in how you want to climb up that couch and sit on his pretty face.
"What do you think?" Seokmin's voices echoes, making you blink at him, having not a clue what he's talking about as he stares back at you, waiting for some type of response.
"Hm? Sorry?" You tilt your head, not going unnoticed that you weren't paying attention, your heart dropping to a whole, feeling guilty.
"The movies on saturday? That is this one new movie I was talking about..." He starts again but the ache on your pussy is getting unbearable.
"Hum... Hum... Sounds good" You let out. Your hand shamelessly caressing his biceps, going down his arms as you slightly pull it to you. It's not innocently that the motion makes his soft fingers grease against your exposed thighs. You suppress a gasp, your mouth agape, his hands close enough to where you need him the most.
"Oh, sorry" He says, resting his hand on the side of your body instead, as you tug to his arm. Fuck! Why is he so sweet?
He starts talking about something else again. The same guilty creeping through you as you don't pay a single attention, your body going further as if he will be able to read the signs.
"Seokmin, baby..." You interrupt him mid word, his face moving to look at you, the pet name coming out as a surprise to him "I know you want to talk but my pussy is so fucking wet right now" You shamelessly confess as his eyes bulge.
"Oh-" It's all he's able to reply. Your hands that haven't left his arms, pulling it to your legs. His eyes following your motions and back to your face "You know I'm a little sad you weren't listening to me" He says, not true to his words.
"Seokmin... I-" You try.
"No, No" He cuts off immediately "I was saying something that I really wanted you to know but all you can think of it's my cock on your pussy" He mocks, his big hands gripping a hand full of your thighs this time.
"I'm sorry" You pouts and he giggles a little.
"You should be" He says, restraining his hands from your skin as he takes this to where you left it "So, as I was saying, there's this restaurant..."
You groan, your head going back as you get tired of waiting and being nice "Fuck, Seokmin! Shut up" You let out, your hands grabbing and guiding his hand to your pussy. He laughs, he fucking laughs at how desesparate you are. Pushing the skirt of your dress up to expose your clothed core, his fingers greasing over the material as you relax at his touch, your head going back, eyes shut at finally feeling something.
"They do have really good food" He says back about the damn restaurant to provoke you as you grunt, frustrated. He leans a little closer to your face, cupping your cunt through the thong "But don't worry, the only thing I can think of eating is you right now" He lowers his tone to whisper it to you.
"Good" You answer "Thought you'd never shut up" Your smart mouth takes over as he smirks.
His hand pulls your thong to the side, taking a long stroke at your folds as you mewl, a heavy breath getting out like it needed to. Your hips bulking to his hand and legs spreading almost instinctively.
"Shit, you really are wet" he responds. Seokmin gathers the slick up to your clit, massaging the muscle in small circles. the grip you have on his arm getting stronger each motion of his fingers. You're wet enough to hear the sounds of it as he goes down to enter you with his digits. Your nails dig to his skin, your head lowering as your forehead rests where his shoulders and arms meet. The gasps turning into moans as he fucks you. He moves slowly, watching you break.
"Seokmin, baby..." You say gripping his wrist this time. That fucking pet name again, he wont ever get used to it, his cock tightening on his pants. "Wait" you push him out, your cunt pulsating with the loss but just enough to get up and take your thong out and sit on his lap. He welcomes you like he always does, watching you undo his jeans to be met at the sight of his hardening length pressing on his boxers. But before you can even drink in the sight, he's back at pushing two fingers inside you. Your back arch when he curls them inside, getting on your sweet spot.
You moan out his name as he presses the spot continuously with the tip of his fingers. You can't help but roll your eyes, the knot forming on your stomach as an unimaginable amount of arousal slip out of your entrance. "Fuu- ah! Minnie... Not yet, please!" You beg as you feel your legs shake.
Like he's so obedient to you, he stops, restraining his hands as you squirm over him. "You made a show to have it, and now you're going back?" he spits out as you still try to calm down your breathing, eyes slowly opening.
"I want..." You try.
"What? Say it" he demands as his wet hands from your slick goes under his boxers, taking his cock out with a gasp of relieve. You stare at it, the way he spreads the wetness on his cockhead making you whine at the view.
"I want your cock... inside me" You plea as he starts to bump himself, letting out a groan.
"Of course you do" He says smartly with a smirk "Go get a condom on my wallet" He says. You reach for his pocket, knowing he came with anything else, his wallet soon found as you open it, the package on one of his spaces as you take it from it. You throw it somewhere beside you as you immediately start to open the condom. He hands his base, aligning it for you as his other hand digs to your hips, pulling you to him, watching you take over, pressing up on the plastic before sliding it down his length.
He holds you firmly as you take his base instead, guiding his head to your entrance when you get your body up to receive him. You press him inside, feeling the delicious stretch, your body threatening to give up while you slowly sit down on him. You can see his breathing pace fastening, his chest rising and falling, but you're no different, your head going down, your foreheads getting together as you can feel each others breath. You finally bottoms out, your body relaxing while he takes your mouth on his for the first time today. It's all too much, a whine coming out on his lips when his tongue asks for space. The kiss airy and needy as you make out.
When you feel the neediness again, already adjusted to his size, you start rolling your hips, low moans coming from him as he guides you with his hands on your waist. "Fuck!" he swears under his breath, feeling your walls pulsating around his cock. "Was this what you needed, hm? Was that all running on that head while I was talking?" He says, and you just moan, picking up your pace as if it was going to answer him. "The pretty heads, always the nastiest thoughts, isn't it?" But he isn't any different, he thinks. Those thoughts run just the same for him, too.
You are not answering in words but going faster on him. Until even this, It's not enough. Your hips going up just to sit back in. His head going back with a roll of his eyes as you start to bounce on his cock. His hands going back to your ass cheeks, spreading them apart. "Stopped me just to use my cock as your little fuck toy... so unpolite" He speaks again and you groans.
Your palms fastening to press against his lips as he yelps, but you can see the smirk from his eyes. "You don't ever shut up, do you?" You spit out, your thrusts going faster, the skin slapping sounds starting to fill the room "I guess next time I should take my first plan of sitting on your face. At least then you can talk between my legs if that's something you want so much. How does that sound?" You get closer to say those words, your hand prettily silencing him as you stare at his watery glistening eyes. You can feel the way he twitches inside you and the muffled moans coming out. You know he loves it.
You suddenly calm down your pace, turning it into firm deep, slow thrusts. The heat and pleasure building up as you push yourself to the edge. Your walls hugging him tightly as he starts to feel his balls tightening too. "Cum for me, baby. Come on... make it worth it" You talk him through it, his knuckles white from gripping your ass so hard, leaving red marks of his big hands on it.
It comes at a surprise when he bites the skin of your palm, your hands jumping out of him as you yelp "Fuck, Seokmin! Are you crazy!?" You scream, your cheeks turning red. He hands you in place, starting to fuck you instead, thrusts meeting up your hips. You moan, your hands driving its way to his hair so you can tug on something.
"You should learn to behave and talk nicely" He grunts out, the throaty voice and drool over his lips doesn't go unnoticed. Heat collecting around your bodies, both of you getting close to cumming. "Someone has to teach you a really good lesson" He says lastly, his palm arriving to your skin with one loud hard slap on your ass cheek. The skin tingles, your body going stiff and mouth agape, like you stopped breathing for a second, before you finally let it go. Your body shaking as you cum with a breathy moan. Your pussy clenching nonstop as he cums with a loud gasp right after you. His load emptying on the condom.
Both of you rolling your hips messily trying to ride off your highs, until you're tired and giving up. The wetness is thick enough to make him slide out unintentionally as you both whine from the loss.
You sit back on his thighs, staring while he takes off the condom from his flacid length, tying it up with a knot. His balls and inner thighs glistening with your own juices as you hince at the sight, "I'm sorry..." You say it smally, but he smiles.
"It's ok... I love it" He replies, pulling you to him. And for a moment, you two just stay there, tangled up on each other before gathering corage to get up and clean up the mess.
273 notes · View notes
stunies · 10 hours ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
EVIE’S NOTE! welcome to my very first event! this is an open fandom, minecraft centered event that is open to anyone 18+ (anons, strangers, non-followers & non-mutuals are more than welcome to join in!! i would love to create a little selfship / match up post for you)!
if small text is hard on your eyes, see here for this exact post in large text & auto caps. otherwise, details & how to join are written below!
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
INPUT (SEND ME)… first: your pseud / name (if anon, u can name yourself … anon A? sparkling anon? or just anon). second: if off anon, send me a picrew of yourself! any picrew is fine, but there’s one if u can’t pick. if on anon, describe yourself in detail please! for skin tones, i think i would cry if i got the wrong one, so please give me your fenty beauty foundation shade as a little reference ^^; then send either your preferred fandom or your f/o’s full name!!
AVAILABLE FANDOMS : blue lock, genshin impact, haikyuu, honkai star rail, kaiju no. 8, my hero academia, one piece, tokyo revengers, and wind breaker. you’re more than welcome to send in fandoms that aren’t listed! just know that i am unfamiliar with the character but will do my best (: so i guess any fandom goes
Tumblr media
RECAP : send pseud / name + your description or picrew as an ask. if you have an established selfship, send name of f/o. if you would like a matchup, send your preferred fandom instead.
EXAMPLE 1 (MATCHUP) : “evie, kind of wavy black hair, light blue eyes, skin tone : fenty beauty 150 - neutral). please match up with someone from wind breaker! *insert info about my personality that would help me find your match*”
EXAMPLE 2 (SELFSHIP) : “evie + moze, here is my picrew !! *optional: insert some cool info about my selfship that would help me set u two up on a date”
Tumblr media
OUTPUT (WHAT I MAKE)….. here’s the link to an example!! i make a post on @z3vie, and i will tag you if you’re not on anon. if you’re on anon— then u gotta scroll!! it’s there somewhere beloved!!
i’ll make you and your f/o a minecraft skin- to the best of my abilities. features will be vaguely represented since i’m not very good bahhaha. i’ll set you up on a minecraft date!! who’s fighting mobs and who’s picking flowers ? >:o we will see. there’s a limited number of date ideas, so repeats will happen. thennn finally, i’ll make you a little moodboard and blurb to go along with it.
Tumblr media
OTHER INFO THAT MIGHT BE RELEVANT… i won’t post your ask. i’ll delete the ask when im done & mark yours as complete in my queue! my queue is below, so you can see which ones i’m working on. also, it’s a very chill event! you’re welcome to send me no selfship info, or pages of selfship info. don’t even stress about it ^ ^ !!! (tho u should send me selfship lore because i am nosy) u could send me the minimum and i’d make it work. PROMISE so pls join pleaseee plsplspls ALSO rbs to boost are very appreciated and i will give u a big smooch for it !!
oh shoot also stunies is severely understaffed (there is only one evie here and no twice in existence to duplicate myself) so please be patient > < i will do my very best !! trust :>
Tumblr media
ONE MORE THING MY DEAREST FRIENDS! this selfship event is in collaboration with @mlkbwunnies’s 2024 yume creators market !! meaningggg a bunch of others are hosting selfship events right now too!! free free to check out ying’s masterlist here :> HAVE AN AWESOME SELFSHIP WEEK YAYY
evie-specific booth info: open from nov 11 - end of nov 15 (PST). though it’s not a hard deadline. bahaha. anyone 18+ is welcome to join! ^ ^ there’s no slots either! infinite slots hehe..
Tumblr media
CURRENT QUEUE! if searching for yours, see @z3vie
completed & posted: names …
sent in an ask: names …
111 notes · View notes
jimmybutlrr · 23 hours ago
Text
I Love You But Do You Love ME?
Part 2 to The Love, I have Longed For
Tumblr media
Pairing: Aaron Pierre x Tall Thick Brown-Skinned Women
Warnings : 18+. Romance, Mature Content (Cursing and Teasing), "drama", Fluff, Sensitive Topic
Summary: The After Math Of The Problems You Create.
A/N: There will be a part there as I did not want this too long, as always, to improve I would love constructive criticism. There also will be a part 3, which will be the final chapter or not?
*Please let me know if you want to be tagged in future writings.
Divider from @@uzumaki-rebellion
Tumblr media
How could he cheat on me? We've been together for 4 years and married for 2. I gave him my early twenties…how could I be so dumb to believe he was different”. Estella cry’s into the arms of Amir in the parking lot of her home.
 “That British buffoon, Fucked up something good for a few quick fucks with his co-star not being man enough to leave first”. He picks up Estella’s head, making her look in his eyes, “He’s gonna try to convince you to take him back back, don't, stand up to him and never lower your confidence for a man ever. Ok you are too beautiful and intelligent to do so”. She nodded her head , agreeing with his statement. “Ok, I’m ok” Estella mumbled wiping her tears.
Days after, Estella goes to pick up her things while Aaron is at work. 
 “Now let's get out of this car and pack up your things before that big - green eyed bastard child comes”. They share a hug and a laugh then exit the car. As they walk to the door, a few cars pull out, her friends exit the cars. They walk up to her with a pity look, ready to help her pack her shit. 
A few hours later they are in the last box ready to leave when Aaron pulls up in the driveway. 
Getting out of the car, he recognizes the cars in the driveway, one being his wifes. He rushes to the door and up the stairs, trying to make it to his wife. Seeing him, everyone rolls their eyes, signin in unison that he's here, he walks up to her standing directly in front of her, seeing her disguised expression, his heart breaks a little, tears threatening to fall out his eyes. He opens his mouth to speak, when she puts her hand up to stop him from speaking “The audacity that you have to stand here in front of me after cheating on me with tears in your eyes when I should be the one crying.  You made the drastic decision to cheat on me, for god knows how long, with your co - worker of all people. to put more salt in the wound”. 
Her face starts getting hot, but she takes deep breaths to calm herself down.
 “You ..Said..You.. Loved..her, right after saying the bullsshit you said to me” Her voice breaks. 
“Honey..I..want to apologise, I regret what i did” He gets down on his knees, grabbing her body close. “ I love you with everything in me, ignore me, make me sleep on the couch but please don’t leave me, I love you with everything in me. You are my heart, my soul, I don’t know how to live without you” Tears fell down his face. “ Are you dumb or fucking stupid, which one quick”, Estelle snaps her fingers pushing him off of her, “To say that knowing you have been cheating long enough to exchange I love you’s is mental”, she turns to pick up her last box, to meet up with her friends. When she turns back around, he slaps the box of her hands “it was a simple mistake, your really going to leave me for it, baby I love please stay” With tears still falling down his face, she picks back up her box ignoring him, and his foolishness. “I”ll be filing for divorce in due time, I don't know when you will receive the papers” before he could protest. She walks out, leaving him gripping his chest to calm himself down due to the best thing on earth walking out on him.
A few months later, She managed to find her own apartment to stay in and started to finger out how she's going to continue life without him. She filed for divorce and is now waiting for Aaron to sign the papers. In the house that they once shared, the doorbell rings and he goes to open it. “Are you Aaron pierre? The strange man questioned leaving Aaron confused “yes, may i help you” aaron questioned confused “You have been served” Aaron takes the papers from the man watching him walk down his driveway, getting into his car driving away. Aaron locks the door, walks to his living room, and sits down with one thin thigh over the next, while he opens the orange envelope, reading it to realise that it’s divorce papers.
 He clutches his chest, as the room starts spinning, he squeezes his eyes closed, bending over into the couch, forcing himself to take deep breaths which slightly works as he feels a sharp pain in his chest every time he inhales. After a few moments he manages to calm himself down, tears dripping down his face like he's been holding them in for years. He takes the papers and throws them into his garbage. 
She texts him “Did you get the divorce papers” “I have received it, they are not getting signed though” Aaron texts back. “Be soo for real, how about we meet up at the diner on kingston st and discuss this because I'm tired of talking to you”. “Ok, I love you”. She leaves him on read, making him wipe his face, and walk up to his room to lay down. 
“Can I have the 10 wing combo with honey garlic and extra sauce on the side?” Estella said to the waitress, who wrote her order down “Thank you” she said to the waitress, who walked to the kitchen. Feeling disturbed, she looks up from her phone and see’s Aaron staring at her. “Can you put down the phone so we could have a civil conversation?” Aaron mumbled to Estella, which she obeys to. “You're right, so who's getting the house and I would like to terminate our shared financials. You also need to sign those papers”. 
“No, I want my wife back” Estella opens her mouth to speak but the waitress comes by with their food. “Thank you” Estella said to the waitress, sighing “Can you not do this right now, let's figure out what we are going to do with our financial situation first before you start with your bullshit”. Time goes on and they settle out their situation breaking their agreement and leaving Aaron with the house, which he ends up selling. 
At the end of night Aaron pays the bill and  Estella rushes out before he could say another thing. They settle out their situation, breaking their contracts and leaving Aaron with the house, which he ends up selling. 
6 years had passed making Aaron and Estella are now 30 years old.The diner was the last time Aaron saw Estella in person. Due to her being absent, not knowing where she is and what her new life was like. He moved on, went to therapy and started putting his focus in the gym, getting bigger roles and being healthy.  
Estella on the other hand, moved to another state, finished law school, while enjoying motherhood to the fullest.
Tags -
@nahimjustfeelingit-writes
@blackgurlnhermoods
@easybrezzy
@planetblaque
@urfavblackbimbo
@jenlovey
@avoidthings
@kimuzostar
@skvrpion
@theereina
@megamindsecretlair
@theereina
@melaninpov
@mscarter213
85 notes · View notes
gremlin-girly · 18 hours ago
Text
Kinktober Day 18
Title: Cheat Day
Pairing: Personal Trainer! Bucky x Curvy!female reader
Tags/warnings: SMUT, semi-public sex, shower sex (slippery), self-consciousness, mentions of cellulite/stretch marks, a smidge of fluff bc I can't resist, vaginal fingering, unprotected p in v (wrap it!!), pet names (doll, baby), praise
Summary: You are a newbie to a gym and one of the regulars takes a liking to you and offers to help you on your gym journey. However, you notice that he's a lot more hands on than other trainers at the gym
Word count: 2.9k
A/N: maybe it should more aptly be gym buddy Bucky but alas... I had plans - I promise!! I might have to get my big fics out tomorrow rip me
Prev | Next | Masterlist
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Warm Up
You hate, hate, hate HATE working out.
You hate the gym. You hate the way you look like a lost puppy and don't know which machine to use. You hate that you get so out of breath on a tread mill. You hate how your arms wobble when you lift weights.
And you hate that damn Stairmaster.
The only thing you love is perhaps how your deliciously thick thighs can support the heavy weights on the legs press like it's nothing. That would probably be it.
You take one of the last treadmills available, setting your bottle and towel down before fiddling with your earbuds. You're not really paying attention to the guy next to you; you're too focused on trying to get through your warm up.
You start at a walk. You're hair swishing as you lift it to your crown to tie with a hairband. The guy beside you picks up his pace and your eyes flicker over to him. And oh God. What a guy. He's tall and muscular, clearly a regular unlike yourself who makes every excuse under the sun to avoid the gym, with a mop of dark hair that's bouncing to his movements. He's barely sweating at a pace that would have you panting.
You don't realise you've been staring until he smiles at you, sticking his tongue out playfully, before going back to running.
You are red faced and almost trip over your feet. You need to focus. You turn your music up and eventually break into a light jog. After thirty minutes your gym buddy wipes down the machine and disappears to another section of the gym, flashing you a smirk and a wave has you watch him go.
His T-shirt has the logo of the gym of its back and for a split second you're wondering if you should book a session, before scolding your horny brain.
Workout. Focus on working out.
Tumblr media
Arms
The next time you come to the gym, it's dark out. You'd spent the day in work and although you just wanted to go home and eat dinner, maybe have a glass (or three) of wine, you had made a promise to yourself to go and now you were here.
It was so much more peaceful at night. The blaring music was off and there was hardly anyone about. Suddenly, you loved your idea of coming here. You had little reason to be self-conscious with so few people around.
Today was arms and you were busy trying to hype yourself up using the bench press. Arms were the worst, just after cardio and you dreaded having to do this. Suddenly the thought of three glasses of wine didn't seem so bad.
Adjusting the weights either side of the bar, you slip under it, getting comfortable against the hard leather seat. You reach up and grasp the bar, straightening your arms and pushing the bar out of it's rest. Your arms wobble slightly, your arms bracing against the weight and you hadn't even managed one rep. Perhaps you'd done the weight wrong.
"Whoa doll!" A voice calls out and you strain your neck trying to look for the approaching footsteps. It's the guy from the other day. "You're gonna hurt yourself doing it like that."
"I - Uh-" you grip the handles, unsure if he wants you to let go or not, but you're palms are starting to sweat. "Okay."
He grins down at you, placing large, rough hands over yours and gently lifting the handles back to stationery position.
"Thanks." You sigh, rubbing your sweaty palms on your workout leggings. You glance up at him again, only to find you're eye level with his crotch and go beet red.
Bad thoughts. Bad thoughts.
The guy doesn't seem to notice. "I'm Bucky. I'm one of the trainers here."
"Y/N." You try and offer a smile but you're too focused on not thinking that his crotch his just right there.
"I've seen you round here once or twice before, um..." Bucky rakes a hand through his long hair. "You're new right? Have you thought about getting a personal trainer?"
You recalled almost tripping in front of him a week or so ago and flush red. Was it that obvious you weren't a regular? Unhelpful, mean thoughts fluttered through your head and you fought to push them away.
"That obvious, huh?" You smile sheepishly, finally sitting up on the bench.
"Very obvious." Bucky nods, still smiling at you. "You hadn't put the locks on the plates, they could have slipped and injured that pretty face."
Your eyes widen; you hadn't noticed the locks and were grateful Bucky was there to save you from injury... even if he was being a flirt about it.
Even if it made your heart flutter.
"Well, thankfully I have a hero to step in." You tell him playfully. "And about the personal trainer... to be quite honest, I don't think I could afford one right now."
You give him an apologetic shrug but he only smirks in response. "Good thing I'll help you for free. Consider it a free trial."
You eyebrows shoot up. Having someone around to motivate you and show you the ropes would be ideal, and especially if it was someone as handsome as Bucky, it may motivate you to come to the gym more often.
"Only if you're sure." You say cautiously, eyeing him. "I don't want you to lose out on work because you're helping me."
Bucky shrugs. "Hey, helping you is more important. I can just text you what days and times I'll be at the gym - if you're here the same time, then we can do some sets together."
You can't say no to that. His eyes brighten when you agree and exchange numbers before he runs you through how to correctly use the bench press, encouraging you and praising you even though you're red faced and drenched in sweat by the end of your set. But you feel fantastic.
If this was how your sessions with Bucky would be, maybe you'd have to consider saving up for more sessions.
Tumblr media
Legs
Whichever the Bucky you saw the night he convinced you to take some sessions with him, didn't exist after that night.
The next few sessions with Bucky he'd been nothing but a hard ass, making your brows furrow with displeasure each time he taunted you. It spurred you to complete reps sure, but that wasn't the point. Quite frankly, you missed him being a little bit nicer and you missed the praise that came with it.
"It's false advertising," You huff mid-squat, shooting Bucky a glare. The more time you'd spent with him, the more confident you'd become at back talking him (even though you'd still complete all your reps). "If I'd have known you were going to be a drill sergeant, I wouldn't have agreed to this."
Bucky chuckles, eyeing your form as he stands with his big arms folded, sipping his water bottle. "And yet you finish every rep like a good little soldier." He teases back.
You scoff in response but your cheeks still grow warm. "Whatever."
After squats it was the leg curl machine. You're on your front, your quads under the foam cushions of the machines trying to push the bar against the curve of your ass but it's too heavy. Bucky is stood, as always, with folded arms watching you intently.
"Bucky, it's too heavy." You huff, letting your legs relax. "I need to put the weight down."
"No, you're doing it wrong." He chuckles. "May I?" He approaches, hands splayed.
You shrug, looking over at him with your chin in your palms. "Be my guest."
You still jump when you feel his strong hands on your thighs, moving them slightly wider. Your heart leaps into your throat and you could swear his fingers linger. His fingers are hot even through your gym wear and you're suddenly bashful when your head is filled with thoughts of another type of exercise you could be doing with Bucky. Again.
His hands trail to your knees slowly, bending them a little more before giving your calves a playful squeeze.
"Try now." He says quietly and you obey. The curl is a lot easier now, and the bar smacks your ass making it wobble.
"Oh, wow, OK." You chuckle bashfully. "Yeah OK you were right."
You catch Bucky smirking triumphantly but his eyes aren't on you; they're shamelessly glued to your legs and ass, watching you perform your reps.
Heat pools to your core and you quickly glance away. You have to be imagining it.
You have to.
Tumblr media
Cardio
It had been about two weeks since you last saw Bucky and since you last visited the gym. You'd had a cold and then were so busy at work you couldn't find the time to drop by. You'd dropped Bucky a text to say you'd be out of commission but never explained why - and he'd not asked.
Sighing, you dumped your towel and water bottle next to the treadmill and began to walk. You'd come to the gym tonight for an escape. You hadn't wanted to text Bucky just in case he'd already be asleep but you itched to reach out.
The gym was a ghost town. Only the whirr of your treadmill echoed around the open space. You tried not to think about how you wished you'd bumped into Bucky or remember how he'd looked at you.
Maybe he's like that with all newbies...
That thought made your chest twist uncomfortably. You picked up your earbuds and shoved them in your ears, picking up your pace to a light jog.
So much for easing yourself back into it.
Tumblr media
After an hour, you decide to call it quits.
It's 11pm and you just want to be back in your bed, hidden under the covers, away from the world.
You're on your way to the showers when you bump into a familiar face emerging from the men's changing room.
"Y/N?" Bucky
"Hey." You pause as he approaches, taking in the sight of his large biceps under the rolled up sleeves of his tee. "How've you been?
"Good. Long time no see. I thought I lost you."
You can't help yourself from smiling. "Oh no, can't keep me away from this place." You say sarcastically, making Bucky grin over at you.
"Really? Even miss me?" He teases softly.
"I don't miss you being a hard ass, if that's what you mean." You quip and Bucky scoffs. "But I have missed you."
Both of your gazes meet and the tension you'd been feeling over the last few weeks increases a hundred fold.
"So..." Bucky says slowly, barely breathing as he looks at you, not knowing which path to tread. "What are we doing tonight?"
"I've just finished," you say a little disheartened. "I was about to hit the shower."
"Can I join you?"
You both stare at one another. Bucky’s brain was expecting you to say your plan for your next set... not that you were going to shower. Mortified, redness bolts to his cheeks as he attempts to back track.
"I - I mean," he shutters and then coughs awkwardly. Your face is equally red but your eyes glimmer with want. "I thought - Uh- you were going to-"
"Sure," you say thickly.
Bucky's brain short circuits again and you give him that bashful smile that makes his heart stammer.
The women's showers are empty and after two minutes Bucky sneaks in behind you. As soon as the door closes, his strong arms pull you towards him, cupping your face before putting his lips on yours.
"Missed you too," he huffs, pulling his shirt off as you both fumble blindly for a shower booth. Bucky tugs at your gym clothes desperately as he kisses you, urging you to undress.
Your mind swims. He missed you too. He's kissing you senseless and you're sure that given the chance he'd rip your clothes from your body.
You peel away your clothes, pausing only to give Bucky more needy kisses in between layers. Bucky follows suit, discarding his sneakers, shorts and boxers into the pile next to your feet.
You feel a wave of self-consciousness as you take in Bucky's body; all muscle, toned and hard and utter perfection. Your eyes drop to your body; soft, squishable, with silvery zebra stripes running over your hips.
You hear Bucky suck in a short breath and you glance up through your eyelashes, smiling a little nervously. His blue eyes are transfixed on you as he closes the space between you. His fingers twitch as he reaches for you, desperate to feel your skin under his hands, but not knowing where he wants to touch first.
"Perfect," he murmurs, his hands ghosting over your hips, drawing you flush against him. His hands tighten their grip on your hips and you you gasp softly, feeling the hard heat of his cock brush against your thighs. One hand cups your face again, and Bucky’s head dips to kiss you slowly. His tongue brushes against your bottom lip and you open your mouth wider, letting Bucky kiss you with far more passion and severance than you'd anticipated.
You're lost in the kiss for what seems like an age; your fingers running through his hair as his hands explore your body, tracing each and every curve, groping at your breasts, hips and ass. You moan into his mouth, mimicking his actions, running your hands over his pecks and down his abs to his cock against your thigh. Bucky pants a curse as you pump him a few times, nipping along his jaw.
"Bucky," You whisper. "The shower."
"Right," he huffs. He pulls the shower door open and gestures for you to step inside first, following closely behind and pressing the on switch.
You gasp when cold water hits your back and Bucky chuckles, arms encircling your waist and moving in to latch onto your neck under the spray of now luke-warm water. Your arms attach themselves around his neck, half-hoisted as you spread your legs to allow Bucky to slot between them. You bite back a loud gasp when Bucky's hand slides between your legs, running along your slit finding your sweet bundle of nerves and drawing quick, tight circles.
"Bucky," you whimper into his neck, your your breathing hitching and hitching like the tightness in your core; rushing upward so fast you feel lightheaded.
"Cum for me doll, be a good girl and cum for me," Bucky sucks at your neck, groping at your tits with his free hand. You lean your head against the shower wall as you feel pussy clenches around nothing. Your fingers grip at Bucky's wet hair, gasping his name as you hang at the precipice of your orgasm. Without warning, Bucky plunges two fingers into your sopping hole, curling them inside you. Your orgasm crashes over you and you cum over his fingers with a wracked half sob.
Bucky's fingers are withdrawn as quickly as they're inserted, leaving you hollow and looking at Bucky pleadingly. He grins at you pecking your lips with a hasty kiss.
"'M sorry, doll. I promise to take my time next time but I need you so bad."
He lifts you with ease, pushing your back against the cool wall, wrapping his arms under your thighs and spreading them open. Wisps of steam rise from behind him as your eyes lock, his cock brushing against your slick folds only once before he slowly lowers you down onto him.
"Oh - oh - oh!" You moan as he breaches inch by inch, each time your walls contract around him, adjusting to his size. Your nails dig into his shoulders, your thighs shake with pleasure and you're utterly at his mercy as he starts to fuck up into you.
"That's it, baby." Bucky praises, littering your face with kisses. "You feel amazing on my cock."
You moan his name and kiss his lips hungrily, pulling yourself closer to him as he brings you to ruin again. Your pussy's grip is like a vice, milking him as you press yourself flush against him glassy eyes meeting his and Bucky can't take it any longer.
Bucky pants curses rutting into you before pulling out entirely and cumming over your stomach and thighs with a short groan. His cock continues to twitch, his cum slowly being washed away by the water save for the white, thick line that connects to your thigh. Bucky slowly lowers you to your feet and you lean against him for support, relaxing in the post-orgasm bliss and the heat of the water.
"I've wanted to do that since the moment I laid on you," he confesses, tilting your head up to capture your lips in a sweet kiss.
"So have I," You admit with a soft chuckle. "Kinda wish we could have done that instead of you making me do squats."
"But you're ass looked good." Bucky teases, chuckling when you glare at him.
"So you were checking me out!" You smack at his bicep playfully and that earns you one of his boyish smiles.
"So? Besides, more importantly," His hands grasp your hips tightly, forcing you to be still. "Today's a cheat day and I wanna take you out."
"Take me out? At 11pm? What's even open?" You smile up at him and he only shrugs.
"Okay, fine, twist my arm. Breakfast it is." He kisses you again, this time lingering a moment before smirking deviously at you. "But first let's get you cleaned up."
48 notes · View notes
keelt9 · 2 days ago
Text
Chapter 11
Masterlist
Tumblr media
“Can you please stop looking at me like that?” I feel Lewis eyes on me as he’s in his final touches of putting on his race suit.
Lewis scoff putting his helmet on. “Those clothes cause me shivers.” 
For three days I’ve been wearing Max’s hoodies feeling proud of myself for everytime we cross on the paddock and I get to steal a big smile and red cheeks.
“Goodness gracious, get inside of your car please.” Bono laughs walking to his place giving me a thumbs up and Rosa nods her head. “Drive safe.”
Lewis laughs while walking, but stops abruptly. “Go.” I narrow my eyes. “Go to energy drinks.” 
He didn’t have to tell me twice for I practically ran. “DON’T RUN!” I heard him saying as I switched my passes, I put under the hoodie the Mercedes pass and took out the RB pass. “Just for the qualy!”
It’s the last thing I heard as I turned around and stopped hearing him at all.
I stand outside of the RB building, seeing my watch along with the strong sounds of the engines of the cars. Second time for a surprise?
I’ll wait until I hear the grating noise of 20 cars and screams of the people, the qualy begins.
I barely reached the back door of the Red Bull garage when I found one of the girls on the PR team of Red Bull.
“Hi, Miss. Hamilton, right?” I smile because it’s kind of unusual for someone to call me Miss.
“Y/N.” She smiles, when her eyes recognize the pass of Red Bull. 
“Oh my, no one told us you’ll be with us.” Apparently that's all I need to do because she started typing right away on her phone. “Come in. You should have done it before!”
“Oh, I…” Another girl and a boy found us in the entrance, confused as me.
The other girl smiles at me. “You're coming for Max, right?” Two pairs of eyes turn to her. “She’s wearing a hoodie with a lion in the middle, God!”
The heat on my face made them smile, but they kept it professional, guiding me through the Red Bull garage; when I crossed my path with Jo, he opened his eyes and his mouth speechless.
“You’ll be able to see and hear everything from here.” She gives me headphones and helps to put it on, my lack of use of one arm made simple things  really complicated. “There you go.”
“Thanks, amm…” The girl smiles realizing she didn’t even tell me her name.
“Oh, Diana.” Her smile told me she knows more than I could expect, it won’t take too much for her excitement to betray her. “Max will be moved when he finds out.”
To be honest, I feel nervous in a good way.
The qualy turned out great for Red Bull, 1-2, the excitement in the garage and the clapping with compliments confirms it. 
For my health and avoiding a Lewis heart attack, I remain inside of the garage, a bad hit and more than him will have it. 
My phone started to buzz; at the beginning I thought it would be a phone call but when I saw it, there were endless notifications. Red Bull accounts took a picture of me seeing the qualy with the teasing description of…
<Who is there? 👀> Tagging Mercedes too.
The comment section turns out crazy, a lot of theories appear in less than 5 minutes, most accredit of the good relationship of my brother and Checo still the other half of them already commenting about how “cute couple Max and Y/N  could be.”
Checo came out first from the interviews, apparently taking him the time of walking from that spot until the garage for he knows something.
He found me right away on Max's side. 
“It's too early to cause excitement in people.” He said as he hugged me. “Max could faint…and I believe that's impossible.”
He said walking to his side with a mischievous smile on his face.
I keep playing with my fingers waiting for Max, adrenaline running all over my body.
Something pops up in my mind, I walk to the back of the place where he puts all his stuff, hiding behind the wall.
I heard the fuss of Max coming in, covering my mouth, one of his mechanics saw me but I made a sign of him keeping quiet, I didn't know even if he was laughing at me or with me.
“She's gone.” The frustration of Max is audible.
Diana walks with her cellphone in her hands, to the spot where the mechanic was. “I thought she…” She saw me as I asked the same silence. “She must have things to do. Let's go Max, you have a few things to do.”
I heard him breathing out walking, Diana gives me thumbs up when the cameras won't be able to see us. 
“Boo!” I jump, putting my around his neck in a big hug; Max jumps a little and takes a few seconds for he realized it is actually me.
“You're here.” Max whispered, hiding his face on my neck, both of his arms pulling closer around my waist.
I hiss for the pressure on my arm. “Fuck, sorry, sorry, are you ok?” He asked, split apart looking at my arm.
“For now, this is way too tight to my arm.” I smile at him, when he lifts his eyes I see a sparking blue. 
“Max, sorry, we actually have to go.” Diana said to Max with an apologetic face. 
Max looks at her then at me, I point in Diana’s direction. “Go.” 
Max shutter, we both know there are long hours ahead. 
“I’ll be here.” Max smiles bigger this time. “Go.” I softly push him as he keeps holding my pinky finger until the length of his arm lets him. 
I chuckle feeling a lot of eyes on me, feeling shy of course, but kind of proud, after all I have his eyes on me, and that’s all it matters.
“What are you doing to him?” His main engineer, GP, appears next to me, like Bono, with a bunch of papers and headphones on his neck. “See, he’s walking with a smile to the press conference.”
He didn’t even give me a chance to answer, just kept walking away. As one of the girls told me I would be more comfortable in Max’s room, she offered to take me there with a smile.
As I wait for him I saw the endless tags and comments on the photo of Red Bull, a lot of them give credit my presence to invitation of Checo claiming after all, my brother and him have been racing together for long time; other saying it’s almost impossible put aside the fact for three days I been wearing Max’s clothesline, something more has to be going on there. 
Even I received a text from Rosa and Lewis, I quote. <Let them played a little bit more.>
I let my phone aside, giggling about how many theories could come for just one photo. I see the table where Max has his stuff, an idea appears in my mind. 
I was behind the door when this opened up without a warning hitting my back with the latch. 
Max appears cursing one more time. “Auch, if I knew you'd be trying to leave a bruise on me I would think twice before running here.”
He giggles closing the door, no one else with him. “Sorry, sorry… Did you say running?” I open and close my mouth a couple of times before finding an answer.
“It’s in a figurative way.” Max nods but his smile almost reaches his eyes. 
“Sure.” Instinctively his hands go to my waist softly pulling me closer, resting his forehead on mine, breathing in slowly. “Thanks for being here.” 
I smile, closing my eyes, loving this peace. “I heard from the beginning of Q1.” I opened my eyes and found him staring at me. “That’s unexpected.”
I don’t have any words, any thought more than the realization that all my walls are already crumbling.
“You better savor it because I’m afraid tomorrow I won’t be here.” He raised his eyebrow. “Did someone tell you about the big buzz from a photo? I bet Lewis is going insane.”
Max chuckles. “Yeah, Checo is already bragging about what most of the people think it’s for him.” He splits not taking his hand off my waist, but his jaw is tense.
I couldn't avoid teasing him. “Yes, I mean, it’s good, right?” His eyes turn wide open in disbelief. “You must be focused on the race.”
“What?” I laughed pulling him closer just when he was about to take his hands out of me. 
“I’m joking, I’m joking.” Max tries to put on a serious face. “I’m playing with you. Come on Max! I've been literally appearing around the paddock with you on me.” I point to the lion on the blue hoodie. “Let’s be calm, ok?” 
The idea of going slow it’s not one of his favorites, I already knew that. 
“After all, we are just getting closer to each other.” This time he actually laughs but he couldn’t get me this time when I split because the knock on the door and my phone buzzing at the same time distract us.
Lewis called me saying it's time to go for now and until something comes out from our first, we better take things calmly, like Mika says, baby steps.
After Max finished talking I said goodbye. “I must go, I'll see you later, ok?” I smile at him kissing his cheek; Max nods, kissing my cheek back.
“Take care.” I nod before walking outside of the room.
On my way to the parking lot, I found Lewis, sunglasses on but fighting to keep hiding a smile.
In the car Rosa didn't contain it. “So, you've been having fun all these time, huh?” She smiles at me pointing at Lewis. “Besides other people, I kind of fancy this.”
I scoff putting my sunglasses on. “Still, let’s take things slowly, ok?”
I nod seeing Lewis grab my hand, he’s deep inside supporting me.
Race day I follow Rosa's instructions, most of them. I arrived with Lewis, stayed all the time in Mercedes hospitality; by the time the race was about to start the social accounts dropped an image of both Mercedes cars and me in the background with the description.
<Let them taunt. 😎>
As the cars left the garage, Lewis thumbs up, couldn't miss, making me smile. “Drive safe.”
“So.” Rosa appears taking her headphones on her neck. “Can I?”
She pointed to my sling. “One of the guys who already had a fractured arm told me this must be a little bit high.”
I see my arm, she's right, the 90° on the elbow isn't there. She helps me to put it properly, raising my arm a little bit more and tight the sling.
“Who helps you to dress this morning?” She didn't even look at me and I already choked, making her giggle. “This isn't here yesterday.”
I have a hanky around my wrist, which helps because the friction on that part of my hand is already leaving a small bruise.
“No one.” Rosa smiles but I know her, she won't let go of this easily. “How do you know?”
Max found my note at night, in which I wish him a good race even though I know he won't need it, and ask him to please find me after the race.
He said he couldn't wait and came to my room where we have dinner and talked until he knew he must go to sleep. In a useless attempt to make him leave my room he quickly convinced me to stay, he said I wouldn't even notice when he left earlier in the morning.
At 6 am, I found him deep asleep, my broken arms on his chest and the grip of his hand softly on mine, breathing in so peacefully.
He goes to his room just for his clothes to change and helps me to put the sling on, insisting on putting the hanky when he sees the bruise on my fingers; after he leaves, his team finds him in his room.
“It's amazing to see those sparkling eyes on you.” Rosa smiles, grabbing my face. “But I have work to do, see you later ok?”
The race didn't have any change in the front places, Lewis got to be in fifth place with a good defense against Sainz.
He smiled when saw me standing in the garage. “Hi there, I thought you were already with Max.” He gives his helmet to his team.
“I wanted but if I came back with a bad hit on my arm, this time Mika could make the doctor send me a full rest.” Lewis laughs nodding.
“Without a question. And we have a big meeting next week.” I nod hearing the shouts and screaming two garages away. 
“I'll congratulate him later.” Lewis tosses my hair with a proud smile on his face. “It's not like I've already texted him.”
“All good until those last words.” He complains walking with me to the back of the garage.
Max celebrated with his team and a couple of friends who came to Monza, even invited me, but I was tired and my arm was already sore, so I told him go and have fun, I'll see him in the morning.
That's what he did, around 5 am he knocked on my door.
I opened my eyes half close, he looked so fresh, probably drinking at night. “I didn't mean this hour in the morning.”
Max smiles walking inside, kissing my forehead. “I need, really need you to come with me.”
He grabs my hand pulling me to the bed where we sit as he waits for me to open my eyes. 
“Right now?” I stretch my legs, watching him smile. “Now, now?”
“Now, now, now.” Through the windows you can see full darkness, still I agree when I see him so excited. 
“Ok, I'll go change.” I stand but he grabs my hand, avoiding me to keep walking, I stare at him narrowing my eyes.
“You're beautiful.” His compliment takes me out of guard making me feel shy, my teasing attitude turns into a girl kicking her feet on the ground.
I scrunch my nose removing my hand from his. “EMILIAN!” I walk faster to the bathroom feeling my face burning and Max smiling on the bed.
He drove us to the autodrome, no one was near just security guards, it was a huge place for us.
His finger tingles on mine all the time, with a smirk on his face. 
“We’ll be in trouble.” I said as he walked inside of the paddock, today all the teams came to pack all their stuff.
“We won't.” He smiles at me. “I have contacts around here, you know?” 
I scoff, rolling my eyes. “I bet you do.” 
Max laughs softly, but all his body and face let you know he’s so excited about something.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asks and pulls me closer to him.
“How?” I move my shoulder trying to move the bands of the sling which is pressing too tight around my neck.
Max stops helping me to put them properly. “Narrow eyes, and a suspicious smile.” 
I giggle. “Well, you had an amazing weekend, but you, maybe I’m wrong, look more excited now than yesterday.”
“You’ll see.” 
We walked until we reached the track but he took a small shortcut to the left, the dark sky it’s painting with a navy blue now, the sun is about to come out.
Max greets the last security guard we find; a few stairs in front of us, make this more suspicious. We stopped in front of a black door, Max pointed to the door.
“Am, you know I am able to open these kinds of doors alone but…” I raise my broken arm. “Right now it’s really heavy for one arm.”
“Oh, shit, right, sorry.” Max chuckling as push the door for I get “in” 
“What makes you so cheerf…” The sky seems to be right in front of us until you get down your sight a little bit and see the empty seats of the auditorium. It takes one look at my right to realize where we are. “Bloody hell.” 
We’re in the podium, the three places still there and the big screen with three flags on it; in the middle the Dutch, if something could miss, in the highest place, the trophy and the cap of the winner is there.
Like a magnet I walk there fascinate for the view; I been multiple times in front of the podium because my brother, I never imagined I could be in the podium.
I mumbled a few words, unable to form a coherent word. “Whoa.” Max laughs due to my inability to speak and the thrilling emotions on my face. 
“Unbelievable, huh?” Max smirks, knowing I lose my words, I only nod enthusiastically. 
“Can I?” I point to the highest place, probably it’s a lifetime opportunity. 
Max extends his hand. “Please.”
I scream in silence standing on the top, it's higher than I expected, still the sensation up there is out of this world, like you’re the king.
Before I got down Max light on his face with an idea. “Before you get down, do me a favor?”
“You can take a photo of course.” I play with him, taking the cap and putting on my head making him smile.
“Ok, two favors.” I laughed seeing him taking out his phone and taking a few photos of me with the cap on, giggling. 
“I’ll look better with a “no- broken” arm, believe me.” The cap falls down when I lend it to take the trophy.
Inside of the cap there is a red piece of paper. “Hey, I think one of those red papers gets inside of your cap.”
Max grinds. “That’s my second favor.” I raise my eyebrow, as he gives me the cap one more time. “Can you read it?”
“What is between you and the small notes?” I smiled as I took the red paper and unfolded it.
>Girlfriend.
His messy writing related to his shaking hands because of the adrenaline, I see him with my soul melting on the ground. “Turn it around.”
>Be mine.
My smile grows bigger as I sit down, even sitting I barely reached the level of Max face. “You can say n…”
I pull him by his jacket, meeting our lips together in a velvety kiss, takes him a couple of seconds to come out his surprise, his shoulders raise and his hands lift suspended in the air.
When he does, he grabs my face softly deepening the kiss, like pieces of a puzzle our lips match perfectly.
I curse when the lack of air is making us split but even then he does it slowly.
He breathes slowly holding my face, looking me into my eyes and smiling.
“Too slow, now?” I give him a peck on his lips.
“Unbelievable.” He pulled my face closer, giving me another long kiss. “So?” 
I blink, confused. “So?”
Max holds me tight, both hands on my waist as he makes himself a space between my legs for being closer to me, biting his lip, he leans down, but he doesn't kiss me one more time, he takes the cap and puts it over my head one more time.
“Do you want to be mine…” He stops as a smile keeps growing big on my face and his blue eyes make me feel shy. “My girlfriend, I mean.”
I clear my throat trying to put myself together one more time. “You wake me up even when it is dark outside, drive us until here, literally help me to stand and kiss on the podium as if I'm the winner.” I look at his back, the sun starts to come up and the sky isn’t anymore dark blue, now a soft yellow and a lot of orange is clearly seen. 
But my eyes keep coming back to that dazzling blue in front of me. “With that view.” Max's face is now red. “There are a lot of reasons to say no.” 
He moves his eyes all over my face, a glimpse of fear. “I..”
“Still, I just need one to say yes.” I hold his arm tight. “You.” 
Max smiles and leans to finally kiss me one more time, however with the cap on, it’s kind of uncomfortable, I split taking off from my head and putting on him backwards. 
“So, so much better.” Max chuckled as I pulled him to kiss me one more time and he tightened his grip on my waist, feeling his smile on my face.
A little bit of speed wasn’t that risk after all.
26 notes · View notes
introspectivememories · 2 months ago
Text
was it casual when i sat in your lap in public? was it casual when i said "recently my heart is crying because you're leaving"? was it casual when we decided how your last name would fit with mine? ("yuki tsunoda-gasly" / "no tsunoda, only gasly" / "yuki gasly?") was it casual when we sang adele's "someone like you" together at your going away party? was it casual when i knew it was you just by touching your ass? was it casual when i knew it was you by smell alone? was it casual when "will you miss me?" / "for 2-3 minutes maybe" / "i'll take that. even if it's just 2-3 minutes, i'll take that"? was it casual when that bus was completely empty and we still sat right next to each other, all the way in the back? was it casual when i picked you up multiple times so you could dunk a basketball? was it casual when i begged to come over to your house multiple time and then you finally let me and we cooked fried rice together? was it casual when we played christmas twister together and i said "your big eggplant is touching my ass"? was it casual when we were pressed up against each other on a scooter going two miles per hour? was it casual when-
2K notes · View notes
maripr · 1 year ago
Text
I think John Ward deserves to break down a little at the end of FAITH bc he just destroyed the cult that groomed him since childhood and abused him and his childhood friend, he's managed to protect everyone he loves, he's realized God's been with him the entire time, he has fred all the souls that were taken hostages in the rite of the second death, and he has been forgiven by the very person he wronged. He deserves to break down a bit, after things have calmed down, as Lisa and Garcia both hold him as his falls on his knees and his shoulder shake and he holds his crucifix close like he's hugging it and he wails like a child and as the tears fall on the cross once bronze, they leave golden streak, cleansing his vision of it, cleansing his heart.
180 notes · View notes
satorisoup · 4 months ago
Text
people will think im ordinary until they say one (1) thing about tmnt and all of a sudden im explaining the entire lore starting from the 1990’s movie & why donatello is the best turtle i fear… T^T
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
tag limit fights me… i must yap… please listen… SOB </3
#tmnt yap in the taggies !!#would you believe me if i said my cat is named after donnie… teehee !! ^_^#i have been a tmnt lover since i was the ripe age of 6 years old SOBSOB#i used to write bf headcanons on wattpad way long ago… thats where my love for writing started i fear…#i probably have more tmnt merch than i do anime merch which is soso crazy to think about PHEW !!!#notebooks cups plushies legos shirts pajamas stickers tins action figs keychains name something and i have it… is that weird… SOB#im not joking when i say i know the entire lore and could explain everything from start to finish… FOR EACH AND EVERY REBOOT EVER…. wowza…#other than rottmnt because i’ve never been a fan of that reboot sigh…#the only reason donatello hamato isnt on my blorbie list is because i do not want to seem out of touch… he used to be there though !! :3#also i love raph too sigh#i fear donnie was my start to my love for nerdy men… raph was for the mean ones… cough cough akaashi and bakugo#tall lanky men… yeah hes a turtle… i know… let me speak… pls… i beg… T^T#tmnt 2012 will always be my star my light my beloved#i can recite every single episode </3 ALSO THE 2014 & 2017 MOVIES DONT GET ME STARTED i have them on dvd :3#i also have the 1990’s movies on dvd teehee theyre sososososoo good T^T my comfort franchise forever and always#i may always speak of anime but just know tmnt will always be the start of it all and my most beloved <3 its everything to me#also i was and still am an avid tmnt 2012 april oneil hater someone get her out of there i loathe her >:/#was never a supa big fan of leo im very sorry… idk who im sorry to… where are my tmnt fans… am i alone in this world… hello… tmnt fans…#omigosh im back after looking at my old wattpad story IM GIGGLING why was the writing kinda good… it was first person though sigh… goodness#i should create my own tmnt yap tag i fear… i will never shut up about it EVER SOBSOBSOB !! i even had a tmnt party when i was younger </3#donnie ( & mikey ) are so misunderstood UGH i could yap about the lore all day. donnie deserved more recognition he was always doing so muc#FOR ALL of his brothers and they never appreciated it… ill cry right now. donnie you will always be famous to me. april doesnt deserve you.#raph and his temper are so misunderstood too like please. always making him the bad guy HE JUST WANTS TO BE A GOOD BROTHER HES JUST AWKWARD#remembering when i had a crush on a guy names joseph in first grade and he liked tmnt too… joseph just know we were soulmates… i promise </#i used to go up to the tv and kiss the screen when donnie showed up. i was like 6 years old tho its okay… still sleep with my stuffie tho.#thank you to my yaya for buying me that when i had the flu hes still in perfect condition SOB donatello i love you so much UGH im crying#‘thats a mutant turtle ew !!’ HE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVEABLE TO ME. YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND EVERYPONY </3 nia reference woah hi nia :3#whos in favor of tmnt. raise your hands up high so i can see them. im giggling. tmnt lovers rise we sha’ll prosper… WE RIDE AT DAWN 🦅🦅🦅#is this like totally crazy of me… has anyone read this far… if you have jusy know i love you. i cherish you. you are my everything <3#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
36 notes · View notes
Text
I truly wish I had any artistic talent just so I could lowkey redo all dramione fanart with Astoria because oh my god the ratio of dramione to drastoria fan content is so heartwrenchingly depressing
62 notes · View notes
kenisle · 3 months ago
Text
are there any fics about the existential/body horror and everyday idiosyncrasies of being wolverine — indestructible heavy metal skeleton, knife hands, healing factor, amnesia, and eternally chained to this mortal plane cursed to watch everyone around you age and die except this one really weird guy you can’t fucking stand who also happens to be from canada — with maybe a dash of homoeroticism? or at least just minimal heterosexuality? is that too tall an order?
#x men#wolverine#x men origins: wolverine#you wake up in a destroyed wasteland. you have to look at the dog tags around your neck for a name to call yourself (not even a proper one)#but you know and use the word fuck with perfect accuracy#some guy rushes over and says the kids are safe (what kids?) and you need to go (to where? from where?)#you ask who he is. he says he’s a friend. you ask him your name. he gives you the name on your tags and no more.#(if you go with him‚ hoping to find some answers about the big blank spot in your memory past five minutes ago‚#you’ll learn he’s known you for less than twelve hours and you’re a taciturn motherfucker who told him next to nothing)#(but he’s the only person you’ve seen since you opened your eyes that’s not dead or trying to kill you — which you suspect is rare for you)#he could be the godfather of your children for all you know#five minutes or hours or days or weeks later‚ somebody gets on your bad side and suddenly. there are knives coming out of your hands#you fall off your stupid motorcycle and flay the skin off your hands because you’re too cool for protective gear#and in the scant moments before the flesh fucking knits itself back together like it’s getting paid for it#you can see the glint of metal where it should be bone white#you’re 100lbs heavier than you logically should be#and you realize this is why#you’re 33% metal#kenny posts#kenny rants#you look in the mirror and estimate you have [insert hugh jackson’s age here] years of memories to recover give or take#but every trail you follow leads you further and further back until you realize just how many lifetimes have been taken from you
21 notes · View notes
which-qsmp-egg-would · 3 months ago
Text
Poll's Origin Story (kind of)
Stardust wanders. That's their whole thing. They are a spirit, or more accurately an... entity? Minor deity? It's a little complicated, but what is important is that they wander, and they wander wherever they want. One day, they ended up in just the right place at the right time.
Tumblr media
That little egg that Stardust found ended up being Poll, Of course.
It's a little hard to glean how long Poll was in the Federation labs and why they were made. Like many of the other eggs, Poll doesn't talk about what happened (if they remember at all) and generally pretends like it never happened. As far as they could figure out though, Poll had gone through all the testing and was in storage until the right set of islanders arrived.
Having spent their entire life surrounded by Federation employees, Poll's dragon form was *very* different from what it is today, to say the least.
Tumblr media
After spending a little while around Stardust, their form changed to the one we know and love! Although since their papa is a shapeshifter too, their form resembles the dragons their genetics are from instead of their papa.
16 notes · View notes
feliciadraws · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
👁️ W I T N E S S 👁️
- I've been meaning to do something with Onmyoji, the awesome @bamboorocket's Lancer AU!Waka, for a while now, but since it's Bamboo's birthday I went ahead and did a thing inspired by the current campaign she's playing him in as a birthday present!
So without further ado, Happy Birthday to the awesome @bamboorocket! Thank you so much for being one of the coolest, most awesome friends I could ever ask for 🎂🌙✨
15 notes · View notes
hauntingblue · 7 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
making a collection
making another collection with a threatening aura
Tumblr media Tumblr media
#davy back fightbpart 3 letsgo#HOW do the three big guns get wasted on the eating contest... horrible plan.... luffy is fine bc well... but not sanji and zoro like damn.#luffy DOESNT WANNA EAT??? CALL THE NAVY!!!!#what was i saying.... bad idea putting the three beasts there#FRANKY FRANKY FRANKY!!!! they captured the two princesses :(#one sided beef squashed between luffy and foxy. friendship ended with random ex marine guy. now luffy is my best friend#usopp and franky bonding time hell yeah. throw usopp by the head once more pelase#nami with zoros swords just like holding them looks so cool like she should get a few swords too... nami three sword style oda drawing pls#i think this man underestimates nami and luffys power together he doesnt know about shiki#luffy saying he knows its a trap and sorry for being late.... lets go on an adventure all nine of us.... usopp yes anding his lie..... omg#cant believe nami isnt there yet. she could take this guy. oh there she is!!!!! she does look cool with the swords and jumping to get luffy#zoro screaming in agony from luffy getting shot omg THIS FUCKING GUY OF COURSE!!! this looks like its so over#zoro and sanji must feel so useless rn. they didnt even get the chance to fight like damn#komei-kakka??? more like come caca. boom#luffy face down dead on the floor akdjkaa chopper have you tried looking at the wound to see if it harmed him idk#it hit the face akdjskn usopp that was coom also#was robin flirting with the other guy and zoro caught her and she told hum to shut up???#'your friends got the best of me but you are still in my arms an-' 'HEAT EGG!! ALSO YOU'RE ON FIRE!'#flare maneauver that was so slay also luffy and nami in the same frame so twins of them. my children. birthed them one right after the othe#zoro and sanji fighting back to back. back to back to back to you i dont wanna fall right back to us maybe you should run right back to her#that is such a bop song. also post wano zosan. and post wci. see the recurrent theme#fighting in water.... being on top of the sword that was a slay... red hawk ace i will never forget you it seems#foxy liking his jolly roger omg nami fooled him ahdhsjs i think they should have pirate game event every year they yearn for contests#now since this experience foxy should make monthly multitudinary pirate games olympics hoping the strawhats join them a la gatsby#the faces at the mushroom akdhaksjs#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies#kinda loved how robin betted on franky against usopp.... i will take the crumbs
42 notes · View notes
giantkillerjack · 6 months ago
Text
Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
16 notes · View notes