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yukipri · 5 months ago

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So, I binged The Acolyte last night.

I had a mental block and couldn't get myself to start while it was coming out, and I also haven't touched any High Republic era media before which made me hesitant. But the spoilers/gifs/fanart etc I saw convinced me I should give it a try.

I'm not a huge fan of binging, I like sitting and thinking with each episode, so I expected to just watch an episode or two, give it a day or so, then continue if I liked it.

But, to my great surprise, once I started, I couldn't really stop (aaand stayed up till 7 AM, oops).

I think it had several things going for it:

-The acting was genuinely phenomenal. I feel like I would have felt completely differently about the show if different actors had been involved, and i mean that more strongly than I usually do. Their delivery in certain moments really sold me.

-It's not your usual Star Wars genre. I'd consider it mystery/suspense with a touch of horror, and it really does come together. Some of the characters are experience a more stereotypical Star Wars action/adventure story, but are jerked out of their genre at certain moments. It's pretty neat, and makes the twists fun and interesting (even if you were completely spoiled beforehand, like me lol)

-The costumes were gorgeous and unique.

-Some truly gorgeous cinematography, shots that have beautiful composition and lighting.

-It was rich in lore and references, some from Legends that I caught, many from the High Republic that I didn't catch but appreciated nonetheless. It felt deeply connected to the SW Universe.

-While cynical, the writing says things that I've thought about but never really thought Star Wars would have the guts to say. The writing is also Tight, meaning that little moments of character interactions bring up things that will be necessary/helpful to the plot later, and I appreciated that. There felt like very little waste.

-There are genuinely no "good" or "bad" guys. Every character makes mistakes or has horrible qualities, yet also positive ones. We see and understand motives, even if we don't agree with them, and see the fallout of those actions. This made almost everyone compelling. The narrative and writing gives the audience space to think.

Things that I wasn't as much a fan of:

-I felt like most of the sets felt kind of generic and Earth-like, especially in comparison to the rich costumes and alien characters.

-There are some fantastic fight scenes and emotional scenes, where the acting and cinematography was fantastic, but I wish the music had been a bit more memorable. I can't really recall any of it, and I feel like there were scenes that could have been truly iconic had the music resounded more with me.

Now, some more specific thoughts, SPOILERS below:

On Sol:

Sol is a character who, I believe in most cases, I would have absolutely despised. But holy shit, Lee Jung-jae. I am not exaggerating when I say that his performance is perhaps one of the best, if not THE best performances I've ever seen in live action Star Wars. He played this character so tenderly, so genuinely.

Despite being misguided, having made terrible decisions, and making mistakes that even he acknowledges, Sol himself always truly thought he was doing what was right, and loved Osha with his whole being even at the end, and it Shows. The way he looks at Osha was so sincere.

This is why I can't get myself to hate Sol as a character. It makes me feel so conflicted, like how can a guy with so much love and genuine desire to help and do good go so wrong? And that, I think, is one of the major points of the show, and Lee Jung-jae absolutely sells it. What a phenomenal actor. You could genuinely watch this show for him alone.

On Osha/Mae:

When the first info/promos for Acolyte came out and Amandla Stenberg was announced as the main character, I admit I was a bit confused. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that I thought she couldn't act, but it's just that her face is so kind. She looks so warm (and gosh, she's so beautiful), but it made me go hmm, she looks like a Good Guy Protag, a Hero, so I was a bit confused as to how she was going to lead "the Acolyte," which from the title, I assumed she'd be Dark Side. Even with the early promo scenes of Mae fighting Indara, I wasn't really sold on her being "Dark."

And it turns out, that was exactly the point of the casting.

Amandla was perfect, and was brilliant at portraying two characters who not only have different and distinct personalities, but also both shift and change throughout the show. Mae never came off as "Dark" to me, because she isn't. Osha's not necessarily Light OR Dark, but she's independent. They are balanced, yet cycling, reminiscent of that little palm-to-palm circling ritual that the girls do. Amandla's portrayal of them was poetry, and made me so very invested in them.

I think if there's one thing I really wish the show had included more of, it's both Osha and Mae's pasts between their tragic separation and their reunion in the present. What was Osha's Padawan-ship actually like? I feel like the exact reason for the timing of her leaving the Order was ambiguous, and I wanted to know more. And was Mae with "the Master" the entire time?

I truly wish Osha could have heard the full story from Sol, because of his many crimes, ironically, killing her mother really was a genuine accident. There are things I wish he could have apologized to her for, or that she could have understood about him, such as how that night at the coven was largely driven by how Sol felt connected to her. This is one part where, while I get how the writers went this way, I do wish I could have felt more closure to their relationship.

I found it so tragic that Qimir erased Mae's memories and they had to be separated so soon after finally understanding each other. I really hope that if there's a season 2, they can be reunited.

On Qimir:

Preface by saying I was spoiled regarding his identity long before I started, by all those thirsty posts/tweets. And man, I GET IT.

But thirst magnet aside, I found him a genuinely fascinating character. For one thing, he's kind of an ironic character to *be* a Darksider. He seems so chill and laid-back, is honorable (or at least keeps his word), and despite his words about using emotions to harness energy, we don't really see him passionately mad/anything really. In contrast, the Jedi we see around him are furious, scared, sad. It's interesting that he almost seems more calm, but not necessarily because he's trying: he just doesn't care.

Manny Jacinto's portrayal of the character made him so damn Likable. Which, is pretty hard to reconcile with the fact that I genuinely liked Jecki and Yord, but a lot of his lines make me just go, y'know he's got a point. Like the whole, "She was a child," "You brought her here." Like yeah. Honestly, fair. His little quips, the delivery, the I'm-just-a-chill-dude attitude, actually keeps his word, and on the flip side, undeniable ruthless skill and viciousness that took down a whole team of Jedi single-handedly. It's a very BRRRRRR combo.

In general, I don't really get too attached to "Dark Side" characters, and don't really have a favorite Sith. Or at least, I didn't, but I think Qimir (or whatever his actually name is) might claim that spot now. Truly peak character, I truly hope we get to see more with him.

And this is kind of an aside, but can I just say, it felt unreal to have entire fight sequences focussing on just two Asian actors, with the other protagonist we see a black girl, for huge chunks of the show? No white people except comparatively brief side characters? In a Star Wars show?!?? All of them unique and well fleshed out and phenomenally written and acted?? None of it felt like "forced diversity," it's all so natural, that when I step back and thought about it in these terms it just...again, feels unreal. I'm so grateful for these characters, and hope we get more like them.

On Jecki and Yord:

Honestly given what I saw about Yord before hand, I was expecting him to be far more annoying than he was. Sure, he was a little stiff, but he felt like a young Jedi Knight who was trying to prove himself and do his best, and I think he very clearly did care for Osha.

Jecki, gosh I loved her. She felt very similar to Ahsoka, if a bit more by the book. She was very wise for her youth. I loved the budding friendship between her and Osha, how they helped each other and weren't jealous.

The thing about both of these characters, which I think the writers did so well, is that they felt like protagonists. In another story, they would have been the main characters, the heroes. Both of them were so young, so early in their training/careers. They could have become Obi-Wans, Ahsokas. Jecki especially was bursting with so much potential.

But alas, this was not that story. It makes it that much shocking when their lives are cut so abruptly short. We were given time to get to know these characters, to care for them, and then without much fanfare, boom. Gone.

On one hand, I sorta Hate That. On the other, I deeply respect the writers for going there, because I think it did have an Impact on the story and show.

On the Witches/Mother Aniseya:

Admittedly I was a little ehhhhh on some of the world-building regarding the witches, just the use of the words "witch" and "coven" and some of the chanting with gasping cackling women etc felt a bit caricature. I do get that they wanted us to have a vibe for this group and to get one with limited screentime, and sometimes stereotypes are the way to do that. I didn't love it, but also didn't mind it too much.

I actually really loved Mother Aniseya. For one thing, the actress is Gorgeous, her costume stunning, and she really sold the whole otherworldly ethereal immortal goddess vibe well, in a way that still felt Star Wars. For the other, I liked how she was the soft, empathetic one, it kinda contrasted with expectation of her position.

I also loved Mother Koril, and how again, she was designed as a character foil to Mother Aniseya. I love how we didn't see too much of them, but could still see that they were partners who loved and respected each other (I hesitate to say "wives," because I feel like their society may not exactly have the same concept of marriage, but partners was undeniable). I think it was a neat Oh moment when they stated that Mother Koril is the one who carried the twins. Love them.

I know I'll have more thoughts, but yeah, to sum it up, I enjoyed Acolyte a ton more than I thought i would, and am so glad I gave it a chance.

Other things:

-Mentioned earlier that I love "little moments of character interactions bring up things that will be necessary/helpful to the plot later." Some actual examples of this: When we see Sol noticing Osha's tattoo and Osha saying he must hate it, which in the moment, shows the kind of guardian-student relationship they have, and how little seems to have changed for them in the time they've been a part. Later, it's shown to clearly identify Osha after Mae steals her clothes. Another is the rolly polly moth things, which at first seem just like a way to show This Forest Dangerous, but then are a plot point to temporarily escape from Qimir, and later on, to show Vernestra's connection to the Force (and also her light whip). Stuff like that, I really like.

-I so appreciated Qimir's Cortosis helmet. For one thing, it's neat that it's not just cool-looking or a disguise, but actually is Force-blocking. I think an official SW account factoid said that this is also how beskar works, though beskar is stronger. The two effects this has: when the user is wearing it, they're forced to confront what's inside of them. The other, is that it hides the wearer's identity from Force users who would otherwise recognize them. The latter is my personal headcanon for beskar helmets, so it's very gratifying to see it in canon! The former has some interesting implications for Force-users who wear beskar.

-The cynical view of the Jedi Order as an Institution, and all the politics, corruption, and obscuring of dirt that that entails. Admittedly this may be because of my own increasingly cynical perspective on the Order, but it felt honest and I agreed with most of it. The fact that individuals are trying their best to do "good" does not negate the fact that they are pretty much acting as Space Cops. This line by Senator Rayencourt felt especially raw:

"I think the Jedi are a massive system of unchecked power, posing as a religion, a delusional cult that claims to claim the uncontrollable. [] Your emotions."

Framed as a religion having unchecked power—that feels uncomfortably realistic! And also zeroing in on how for all their power, the Jedi are still people, and just as fallible (and therefore, must necessarily be held just as accountable).

Also:

I can see how this portrayal of the Jedi may make some folks uncomfortable, especially if you love the Jedi, but I long hold that the Jedi as an organization are deeply flawed. It's part of why I personally like the "fall of the Republic" era; both the Galactic Republic and Jedi Order have deep, fatal flaws, and this is an era where that all comes to a head—one where they must fall, or fix themselves.

So in conclusion, my favorite parts: the characters, and the moral grayness of almost everyone. Many stories may claim there's no good/evil dichotomy, but few ever truly show it, but this one did.

I'm not sure yet if I want to "fandom" over this or if I'm pretty satisfied with having just watched it, but it was definitely worth the watch and I'm glad I gave it a try!

I also kept a lil document of live reaction notes as I was watching, which I'll copy below:

Episode 1

UEDA?? The planet is just, UEDA?? A pretty common Japanese surname?? That's like. Naming a planet Johnson or somethin...

Loving the costumes 'n set

Oh wait I recognize this scene, it's the one they played as a preview at the AMC Star Wars marathon

Idk how to feel about the Space Generic T-Shirt

Ooh Neimoidians (thank you for no horrendously exaggerated Evil Japanese Accent TM), and interesting Jedi ship shape

Oh interesting interesting they intentionally paralleling TPM eh

Hrmn not a positive first impression of Master Vernestra, her lines are so mechanical

Very cool pilot chair droids and tentacle alien

Osha says practice vehicle safety and wear seatbelts and protect your head!

Oh Osha has Trauma I see. Girl ain't getting good sleep

Oh wow Sol Loves Osha, oh no is this going to lead to Padawan Jealousy Trauma between Osha and Jecki. How much are we heavily paralleling TPM here

Kill the dream eh?

Episode 2

Oh there are multiple Jedi temples, that's nice

Jedi Temple using same security system as Jabba is...uh

Mae tips, good for her

Master Torbin just sittin' there, lookin like some random youtuber. why tabi socks

Man I dig Mae's patchwork cloak with massive princess hood.

It's pronounced KAI-meer??? My Chinese ass thought it was Chee-mir

Barash Vow

Ohhh so Mae doesn't know that Qimir...? (was spoiled)

Episode 3

ooh i like the fairy clione things

Ohhh village all women??

Mother Aniseya is stunning

Oh she and Koril blatantly lesbian, fantastic

Oh gosh the Jedi are NOT looking good here. They don't have the right to train children?? WTF

You must let the children take the test?? And if they pass the Jedi will take them away??? That does NOT sound very consensual!!

Oh gosh, selling "you are special" to a child, after separating her from her community...

Really feel like "how does taking a child away affect their community" should be factored into jedi stuff

Mae that is...sudden and violent wtf

Kinda not trusting Sol here

Episode 4

Wow Kelnacca looks...mentally stable

Ohhh Qimir's ship? Looks suspiciously Kylo Ren-ish

Qimir really suspicious eh

Oh wow not using the Force or anything, just using a sniffy guy

They're really doing a Fellowship of the Ring walk huh

Look I absolutely adore Mae's long gorgeous cloak but that is going to drag half the forest floor with her

Not liking those tree bulbs. looks spider eggy

Osha don't Touch the Thing, that's such a Pippin move

oh no, not spider eggs...rolly polly moth vampire thing

Really enjoying Osha and Jecki's friendship, I'm so glad it's not former Padawan jealousy

Oh, Mae, oh no....knowing spoilers...oh...

The red lightsaber igniting next to Osha's head...dang what fantastic composition

The lil hand twitch and head snap. I Get It.

I remember when "Darth Teeth" was trending

And wow that's a Cliffhanger

Episode 5

Oh no Osha knocked out that doesn't bode well

How many against one is that damn

The double spear through then hidden head lop...wow

holy shit booma-saber

Oooooh the cut treeeeees damn

all that death before even the opening title

Honestly GO JECKI, that's very impressive, her win against Mae AND double saber against Darth Teeth, Anakin level spinning and drama

Holy shit Jecki's death was brutal...

She was a child - You brought her here - FAIR

Why risk discovery - I did wear a mask LMAO

Damn did he just casually break Mae's leg

I don't make the rules - the Jedi do

The Jedi say I can't exist...wow

Holy shit Yord's death

Damn full on brawl

I've accepted my darkness, what have you done with yours

Damn really yeeted Qimir from the fight by sticking a light on his back

Pip tho ;_; killin droids feels like killin pets...

They've turned you against me - really Anakin quotin

Wow Sol, not even going to see Jecki????

And wtf how can Sol not tell that Mae's switched them??? Has fandom been grossly misunderstanding how the Jedi use the Force....how the fuck can any Jedi tell apart any clones eh...

While not exactly subtle, I appreciate how lil details in character interactions have had pay offs. Like the tree bugs and Osha's tattoo being a way to identify her

Episode 6

He really just makin a hot pot

his lair kinda looks like sequels Luke's island

Not sure how I feel about the elephant rock bird things

Honestly glad we get to see Sol upset and affected by everyone's deaths. Might explain part of why he can't tell apart the twins?

Oh he's really wearing hakama hakama

Wow Qimir really just getting in buck naked eh. Is this the scene that Manny froze his balls off for

His line about it being fine in a fight but vengeance a few hours later

Oh he brought a change of clothes

Damn the Jedi are taught "it fades"???

Aww Osha, u aren't tempted by the soup??

Oh wow we revisiting bodies, that feels...u usual for SW. Oh there's a Kel Dor... (why are there no flies buzzing yet. or are there no flies yet)

Mae wakes up so peacefully compared to Osha

Oooh sensory deprivation mask, all dark, nothing but breathing, evocative of Darth Vader even if breathing is not similar

Episode 7

Vergence....iiiiinteresting

Sol, stalking lil kids is creepy af

Oh my god you're just gonna break in???

See - You cannot deny the Jedi have a right to test potential Padawans - Why the fuck not???? You don't have the right to stalk, spy on, break into random people's homes, and talk directly to their children without permission from guardians??

Guh Sol....

Interrogation after isolation from guardians....

Oh, the Jedi Council is right for once??

Do not alter this little girl's destiny because you have formed an emotional attachment to her

Gosh I thought Indara was the most innocent in this buuuuut

Episode 8

I'm surprised they never added Darth Teeth's mask to the front credits

"See you in hell" Oh I know Han mentioned Hell like once but I thought they were avoiding mentioning it in newer media

Holy shit Rayencourt: I think the Jedi are a massive system of unchecked power, posing as a religion, a delusional cult that claims to claim the uncontrollable. - Kinda uncomfortably real!!

-We don't control the Force - no, your emotions - OOF

I didn't realize till this ep how the cool Brendok eclipse got that line, it's the comet ring. super neat

oof Mae climbing out of the scene of Trauma...

Oh that is some Wu Xia shit

"I will destroy you if i must" really??

Nice dagger saber

Okay Sol that is Cool

oh gosh, the plot-relevant inversion of clothes resulting in it reflecting how they swapped light/dark is SO cool

very yin yang fighting

Damn it keeps coming down to the unarmed opponent thing

Damn, Mae going the justice route

Damn, just Damn

Gosh the thing about Sol is that he is SO well acted, so sincere in his love and devotion, it's hard to hate him

I'm glad the helmets block the Force identity like that tho, fits headcanon

Glad Basil continues to shine

Oh no. Vernestra...I thought you were doing the right thing revealing the truth, but instead you're continuing the cycle of covering up crimes

Oh...use Mae to find Vernestra's former Padawan...that's a cycle alright

And ends with Yoda okay

#the acolyte #acolyte #YukiPri rambles #star wars #review #spoilers

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catastrfy · 1 year ago

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here is some odd stuff that i think may support loni's body swap theory let's start here. nina and maggie confront crowley, and his reaction? "but you were crying"

except it was aziraphale who saw maggie crying. he told crowley she had a "pash" for nina; would he have mentioned the crying? i don't know. but it's ODD.

but there's also this way crowley says "bla bla bla" to nina and maggie -- it's *ridiculously* overdone when compared to when he says it to muriel

and then later when later, the metatron asks crowley if he knows him and says he was a big floating giant head. except when crowley last see the metatron?

when he was in heaven with muriel, in the recording, as one of several enlarged heads on screens.

but somebody else DID see the metatron last as a big floating giant head just a few years ago....

well. ift hey swapped WHEN was it? i LOVE loni's fabulous theory where they posit at "no nightingales but could it have been earlier than that? so i've watched and watched and watched the last episode, and i'm thinking maybe it was when gabriel was having his flashbacks.

i am pretty certain the scene before this was them as themselves. here they are before beez gets the fly and gives it to jim. crowley's got his usual mobile face with his forehead creases and expressive mouth... and he talks to beelzebub the way he had earlier (vs how aziraphale had when he was facing hell in s1e6)

this is the first shot of them after gabriel's flashbacks conclude. look at crowley's face.

it stays blank for the time that gabriel recognises aziraphale, sees the angels, says "eesh" at the demons, brightens when he sees beez, and when beez tells him aziraphale took better care of him than they could've done.

we've seen his face with the closed lips and smoother forehead before:

also, this is subtle and it's entirely possible it only means that this scene was shot over multiple days, but check out the right edge (viewer's right, a's left) of aziraphale's bowtie in each picture here. he's been standing fairly still, yet his tie isn't tied quite the same before the fly and after. you can see an extra stripe at the far right edge in the pic that says "true love" the collar of his jacket has moved; more of the left (our left) side of his waistcoat is visible in the 2nd pic. and again, yes, this absolutely could be different takes, probably not immediately after one another if the bowtie had to be retied. except... didn't they use pre-tied bowties this time around? is this an "everything is meant"???

i had to look at crowley too, of course. pre-fly, immediate post fly, starting to look normal, then aziraphale gives him a shake and he looks up. there ARE subtle changes. the collar button of his shirt changes position and so does his neck noodle. it's hard to see his tattoo until he's outside (although it's clear before beez gives jim the fly), but that may just be lighting. or maybe it takes a moment to settle in? I DONT KNOW (also, beez keeps looking over at aziraphale & crowley and i want to know WHY/what they see!) and oh, have you noticed that the top of aziraphale's right ear SWIVELS when michael is threatening him with being erased fromthe book of life? it starts at teh end of 33:50 and goes into 33:51. and about 15 frames later, the metatron appears at the door. i don't have a way to make it into a gif, but here's the first and last of his ear moving. it's not him turning his head, because that wisp of hair doesn't move, nor does his lobe. just... the top. o.O

and ooho, just today i noticed THIS: here's aziraphale's bowtie when he's telling crowley about the offer to go to heaven. LOOK AT THE TARTAN ON HIS TIE.

previously looking at the tie as the viewer, the vertical stripe pattern of dark stripes is thin dark line, narrow gap, group of medium/dark/medium lines, widish gap, repeat. here it's med/dark/med lines, narrow gap, thin dark line, wider gap, repeat. the fabric is upside down from earlier. (and yes, again, this could be an error by costuming/continuity. but i'm hoping it means something bc everything is meant) if you haven't read loni's theory, go check it out!

#good omens 2 #good omens #good omens 2 body swap theory #lots of little things #ineffables #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens series 2 spoilers

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scorndotexe · 2 months ago

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Out of curiosity, why do you dislike Midnight Mass? It's really like hear your opinions.

it's just so fucking BORING!! the concept is interesting i do find the concept interesting (vampire priest who believes his vampirism is a gift from god) but somehow it was done in the least interesting way possible. sometimes there's like a minute where i thought "holy shit is it finally gonna get better" and then i watched the next episode and it continued to be exactly the same.

all the characters are basically exactly the same. i know it's by monologue flanagan but can they at least monologue in DIFFERENT ways??? dear god. he edited it himself and you can REALLY tell. the fucking ten minute scene that's just "what do you think happens after we die? vcnvncmrnwbvnjef vdmnnc cmnennwneetnewnnwbefnbrtnbemrbermnbmrbtrtbwnrebeb" is crazy who thought that was a good idea. god every character was so forgettable i think i remember like 4 names. genuinely i see people talking about a character and i have to look them up and i STILL don't remember them. don't get me started on the fucking therapy speak. also riley flynn is the most boring protagonist i've ever seen i can't think of a single personality trait he has. i can barely think of ANY personality traits ANY characters have.

i know we shit on his adaptations a lot (as we should) and at the very fucking least he didn't ruin another excellent work of horror with midnight mass but he is NOT a good writer with his own stuff either!! it's so BLAND. even when it's not boring it's bland and uninteresting. i know i'm biased i know i watch extreme horror to find artistic value in underlooked pieces of media so i'm used to "that freak shit" but he did nothing!!! he did nothing with his vampire priest! he was literally irrelevant by the end because he gave that antagonist role to some other character and he was never really the protagonist either. he was just there for a really dumb late-game romance plot/plot twist.

it's such an unbearable show and the ending isn't even good!!! its tone is so fucking weird like everyone dies and yet there's still a weirdly hopeful tone to it. i feel like that's a moment to REALLY lean into the tragedy. it doesn't have a happy ending but it also doesn't let you feel sad enough for it to be truly tragic.

also there's like three different types of vampire in the show and it makes NO sense why they're so different from each other. i'm not asking for extensive lore i'm just asking for consistency.

it's like 8 hours long and i know i've probably spent way more than that complaining about this fucking show but still a waste of my time. it just sucks so much. it could have been an okay movie but as a whole show it's so dragged out and doesn't DO anything with those eight hours. i don't mind a slow burn i really don't but a) the build up has to be worth something and b) it has to have something really really good at the end of the build up.

honestly it looks SO good in gifs and screenshots and fanart that it makes me wish the show was better because you could have a much better experience just looking at those and imagining a good show than actually watching it.

on the plus side if you DO watch the actual show riley's death scene is the funniest shit in the whole thing.

#asks #anti mike flanagan #i don't know if you've seen it actually but thank you for the ask i enjoyed ranting #that ten minute scene haunts me. it was so awful

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bella-rose29 · 1 year ago

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Puppy

Request from anon:

hiiiii, first I wanna say that I enjoy reading your works, they're wonderful. <3

Now, I've seen you post about wanting Lockwood requests and I might have an idea. Lockwood and reader are in long-term relationship (they know each other since childhood, the reader is talentless but Lockwood comes to her when he need to relax/help with a plan/whatever), and no-one knows about the relationship besides them. And after some rough case when kipss crew had to help out, Lockwood and co and kipss crew are drinking in a bar to ease up (the reader works in the bar as part-time job) and in the drunken state Lockwood is even more confident than normally so someone makes a bet with him that he won be able to get a kiss out of the bartender (the reader) by the end of the night... I don't really know what after but maybe you'll be able to find a fluffy/funny ending to it?

I hope I'm making sense.

Have a nice day! :)))

First of all, thank you for the love anon, and I hope you have a nice day too!! <3

Second, I am completely in love with this idea (it's totally something Lockwood would do let's face it) and I had so much fun writing this!!!

Hopefully this lives up to expectations my lovely <3

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: descriptions of injury, fight scenes (with dead people), swearing, suggestive comments, drunken activities (mostly Lockwood), everybody is over 18 so they can legally drink in the pub

Tag list: @anathemaloren, @augustisintheair, @avdiobliss, @dangelnleif, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @karensirkobabes, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @ran23sblog, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @wandamaximoffbae, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife

As always, if you'd like to be added to/removed from the tag list, let me know here <3

(not my gif <3)

Lockwood was tired.

He'd barely slept the night before, despite not having a case, and he'd barely eaten the whole day. It was nearing 7pm now, the sun having set over an hour ago and leaving the city in almost darkness. There would be no sleeping tonight, either, since he and his company had to tackle a Type One in an old lady's house. All Lockwood really wanted was to see her, and have her tell him stories about her day until he fell asleep in her arms, but he couldn't do that right now. Hopefully this would be done quickly, this job, so that he could get to hers before she went to sleep.

Lockwood and Co had been in the kitchen of Mrs Lovey's house for a while now, cups of tea left empty on the counter and the packet of biscuits finished off. Initial readings had been low, giving Lockwood hope that they really would be done quickly, and they'd made note of the likely places for the Source.

"Lockwood? You're staring into space again. You alright?"

He blinked back into reality, pulling himself out of his thoughts of warm rooms and soft kisses.

"Huh? Oh, right. Yeah, I'm alright. Just surprised this Visitor hasn't turned up yet." He checked his watch. "Time for another reading in the living room?"

George nodded. "I'll go first."

The three of them headed in, rapiers at the ready.

"One degree. And a feeling of unease. It's definitely getting close to being here."

"Never mind close, I can see it," Lockwood whispered, taking up a defensive position.

"Yeah, I can hear it, too. Sounds like someone crying. I don't think this is a Type One either," Lucy added, and Lockwood couldn't help but agree.

"Any murders or anything happen here, George?"

"Not that I'm aware of, and I researched for days for this one. Didn't find anything out of the ordinary."

"Male or female, Luce? The voice."

"Uh, hang on, shut up a minute." She closed her eyes, focusing her efforts on Listening. "Male. Definitely. Sounds older, and like he's got some sort of trauma."

"Right. George, you figure out where the Source is. Lucy and I will watch it, make sure it doesn't go for you. Can either of you see it yet?"

"Not really. There's a sort of shiny mist over by that armchair, though," George said, pointing in the direction of the ratty old seat.

"Yeah, okay. That's where it is. Lucy?"

"Same as George. Getting stronger though. Maybe the chair is the Source?"

"Could be. George?"

"You're sure you've got my back, yeah? Because I really can't see it that well right now and I'd rather not die tonight."

"We're sure. Go on, have a poke around."

George did so, hesitantly getting closer to the chair and holding the scanner up. "Yeah, the Source is here somewhere." He prodded the side, and Lockwood saw Lucy flinch.

"It didn't like that at all. God, that was awful. Wait, George, don't-"

She slammed her hands over her ears, trying to block out the scream that even Lockwood could hear now.

"George, get the net," he cried out, rapier moving swiftly as the Visitor grew brighter and aimed for the head of the company.

"Incredibly clear visual, Lockwood! Lucy was right, it's definitely a Type Two!"

"GET THE NET, GEORGE!"

Lockwood had been backed into a corner, arm starting to ache from the continuous motion of the rapier holding off the ghost in front of him. Lucy had recovered (just about), and was picking up her rapier to help him. Sensing a second opponent, the ghost turned, and targeted Lockwood's coworker. The two of them spent the next few minutes sending the Visitor between them while George repeatedly chucked the net over various parts of the chair, expression growing more frantic each time.

"George, what's going on?!" Lucy shouted.

"It's not working! I don't think the chair is the Source! Or if it is, it's inside the chair!"

"Then get searching! Rip the whole bloody thing apart if you have to! But get on with it!" Lockwood gritted his teeth, fighting off the cold unease he felt flooding through his body. He thought of her, and her smile, and her laugh, and pushed back twice as hard against the Visitor. At some point he'd injured himself, the cut on his upper left arm bleeding slightly, but he couldn't think about that until the ghost was dealt with.

"GOT IT!" George shouted, voice triumphant. He slung the net around the object he'd found, and all at once the living room went silent apart from the heavy breaths of the three agents. The ghost disappeared, and the temperature started rising. George sat back on his knees and held the swaddled object up, bits of foam stuffing caught in his curls. "Knife, it's got blood on it. I'd wager she killed her husband. There was a cut already made in the back, made it easier to find." He looked vaguely manic, what with his wide grin and foam-covered hair, but Lockwood couldn't deny his gratitude for his weird friend.

"I reckon we need to have a chat with DEPRAC, then. Mrs. Lovey clearly doesn't live up to her name," he replied, smile matching George's.

~~~

Half an hour later, Lockwood was on his way to hers. He'd left George and Lucy in the taxi, telling them he had something to sort out and he'd be back later, and to not wait up for him, and had caught his own cab to his destination.

He dragged himself up the front steps, knocking on the front door, and couldn't help the smile that appeared when it swung open to reveal his girlfriend.

"Jesus Christ, you look like shit."

"Charming as ever, love. Can I come in?"

Y/n stepped to the side, giving him a peck on the lips as he went past. "Shoes off, then up to my room. I'll be there in a sec. Gimme your coat, I'll hang it up for you."

He pulled himself up to her room, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake her siblings, and collapsed on her bed.

"Look at you. You're like a puppy, all cute and cuddly."

He lifted his head as Y/n walked in, closing the door behind her with a soft click as she balanced a tray in her hands.

"Jacket off. And shirt."

"If you wanted me naked you could have just said so, darling." He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, revelling in her blush.

"Shut up and strip, Anthony," she mumbled.

He complied, smirk turning into smile as he saw the medical supplies on the tray, right next to a pot of tea and a plate of biscuits.

"What even happened?"

"Honestly? No clue. Type One turned out to be a Type Two murder victim though, so that was fun."

"You know, there are times I wish I had Talent. Then you come here looking like this and saying things like that and I wonder why I ever wanted it in the first place. Easy on the shirt, I think it's stuck." He'd winced trying to peel the fabric away from the wound, and Y/n immediately replaced his fingers with hers, touch gentle as she attempted to prise his shirt off. Sucking in air through her teeth as she got it off, Lockwood knew it was bad. It had been a dull throb the whole time he'd been travelling over, too exhausted to think about it more, but now that he had nothing else to think about the pain sharpened.

"This is gonna hurt, okay? I'm just gonna sterilise it, so try not to move. Three, two..." He waited for one, but before she got there, Y/n had placed the cotton wool on his arm, dabbing the alcohol on the wound. He gritted his teeth, asking her about her day. She spoke while she worked, cleaning it out and covering it in protective wrapping. Her voice distracted him, letting him lose himself in her words, and she was done before he knew it, pouring a cup of tea and offering it out to him. "Put this on," she said, passing over an old shirt of his that he left at hers specifically for times like this.

"Do you really want me to?"

"No, but if it means that when my parents inevitably walk in they don't kick you out forever, I'll live with it." He laughed slightly, placing the tea down and pulling the top on, careful not to disturb his wound.

"You know you don't have to do that, right? I'm perfectly capable of looking after my own injuries."

"I know," she shrugged, sitting down next to him on the bed. "But I don't mind. Just another excuse to be close to you, I guess."

"You don't need an excuse for that, love. You know I'll happily give you anything you like."

"Anything?"

He nodded.

"Alright," she said, leaning up to plant a kiss on his lips, breaking away when their smiles got too wide.

"I thought you were going to make me dance naked in the street or something." Her eyes went wide as she took in his words.

"Oh my god, I am totally making you do that sometime."

He groaned, unable to fight the smile on his face as she peppered his cheeks with kisses, finally pressing one to his mouth.

"Remind me why I love you?"

"Because I'm amazing, and the most incredible person ever?"

He chuckled, kissing her again. "Yeah. You are."

~~~

"Where the hell have you been, Tony? We've been waiting for you!"

"Just had some last minute things to sort out, don't get your knickers in a twist, Kipps. Oh, thanks Luce," he said, smiling at the girl as she handed him a flask of tea. He'd actually been at Y/n's, spending time with her before her shift at the pub. He'd almost been late, her parents wanting him to stay for dinner (he had politely declined, reminding them that he had a job to go to as well as their daughter), and her younger siblings wanting him to play with them. Lockwood and Y/n's parents had been friends since before either of them were born, at one point the two families living next to each other on Portland Row, and it was only the arrival of the fourth baby five years ago that had made the L/n family move. It had only been natural that Anthony and Y/n started dating, having been childhood friends, and her parents were delighted at the pairing. Unfortunately that now meant that they wanted him to spend every spare minute at their house, which more often than not made him slightly late for work.

"I'm not wearing knickers," the older boy muttered indignantly, clearly unable to come up with a good enough retort.

"Oh, are these the files? Thanks George."

"Wait, have you not even read these?" Kipps said, eyebrows rising.

"Of course I have, just not the whole compiled thing. I'm not stupid." Kipps scoffed at that.

"Yeah, sure you're not, Tony. C'mon. Hurry up and read, we're late because of you and we need to set everything up before it gets dark."

~~~

Three hours later, the two teams were close to death.

Both in the sense that they were run ragged, energy severely depleted and bodies aching, and also in that they were completely surrounded by ghosts, Type Ones and Types Twos blocking every exit. The report had said that there were only meant to be two Spectres in the whole abandoned department store, but before it had even been properly dark Lucy had heard voices crying out and shouting, and Lockwood had seen death glows so bright he'd needed his sunglasses.

"Tony, what the hell are you doing?!"

He was taking a break, eyes aching from the brightness surrounding them and arm protesting the weight of his rapier. He scanned the area, sure that Lucy would have his back for a moment, and spotted something through a gap in the Visitors.

"Lucy?"

"What?!"

"I need you to not kill me and cover me with flares."

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to run through the ghosts."

"You're WHAT?!"

"What? What's he saying?" Kipps was trying to get closer to them, rapier cutting arcs into the air and not giving him much headway.

"You're impossible, you know that?" Lucy glared at him, grabbing some flares from her belt.

"Yep. Ready?" She threw, the magnesium creating a break in the swarm of ghosts large enough for Lockwood to cut through. He made it to the other side (although a near miss from a badly aimed flare made him think that Lucy was trying to hit him and not the Visitors), trying to block out the sounds of his team mates yelling as they fought swathes of the undead. He ducked under a chair that a poltergeist had thrown, dodging the knives hurled afterwards. Skidding to a halt in front of a large iron box filled with objects, the lid hanging open, Lockwood slammed it shut, throwing a net over the top for good measure and securing the edges. Within seconds the majority of the Visitors disappeared. A few still remained, including the two poltergeists, but the number was much better.

The two teams spent the next thirty minutes finding the various Sources of the remaining ghosts, all the while trying to not get hit by the items the poltergeists were throwing, and by the end of it when Kipps suggested going to the pub, nobody disagreed.

~~~

Lockwood and Co were in the taxi on their way to the pub when George piped up.

"Why'd you agree to going to the pub with Kipps? I would have thought you'd rather eat your own foot than spend more time with him."

"I need a drink, and he said he'd buy the first round. If it's free, I'll take it. I don't really care who's buying it, even if it's Kipps."

They clambered out the taxi, Lockwood paying the driver and jogging to catch up with the other two just as they entered the pub. Spotting Kipps' team already sat down, the three of them headed over, taking seats and giving their order to the older agent. Lockwood looked around, certain he recognised the building but unsure why, when his gaze caught on the girl behind the bar.

Ah.

Of course the pub Kipps picked was the one that Y/n worked at. Lockwood had been here before, which is why he thought it was familiar, but nobody knew about his relationship with the bartender. Kipps came back with the drinks then, one of the other servers following with the rest and asking for ID. Taking his first sip, Lockwood felt himself relax a little more, happy to not be going anywhere for a while after the gruelling job earlier.

~~~

"You," Lucy pointed at him, "are so drunk right now."

"Seriously, you cannot hold your alcohol, can you Tony?"

"Don't call me Tony, you prick." It was true that Lockwood was a lightweight, and he knew it, but he grumbled about the accusation anyway. Kipps only laughed, not doing much better than his rival in terms of handling alcohol, and took another swig of his beer.

"You're probably rubbish at picking up girls, too. Y'know, you're probably rubbish at every normal guy thing."

"Shut up, I can so pick up girls." He wasn't going to let Kipps tell him he was bad at anything.

"Oh really?"

"Yep. Amazing at it."

"Bet you can't get a kiss out the bartender though."

"Which one," he said, hoping Kipps would pick the right one.

"The one in the blue top, about your age. In fact, I am so confident you'll be shit at this, I'll bet ten quid you can't do it."

"Oh you're on," Lockwood said, knowing already he'd win the bet. Kipps had unknowingly picked Lockwood's girlfriend, and this would be the easiest ten pounds of his life.

"I'll bet a tenner too. I'm looking forward to watching you fail dramatically," Kat Godwin added, smirk on her face. Bobby placed his own bet, and soon enough there was fifty quid on the line, with George and Lucy agreeing with Kipps.

"Off you go, Lockwood," Lucy smiled, giving him a pat on the back. "Try not to traumatise the poor girl."

"Oh, just you all wait," he slurred, pointing a finger at them. "This is gonna be easyyyy." He headed for the bar, confidence filling him and giving him the ability to walk a lot straighter than he would otherwise have. He leaned forward on the wooden surface, fingers drumming against it. "Heyyy," he said, smiling up at his girlfriend as he slid (unsuccessfully) onto a stool.

"Hi... you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm great, and you," he wagged his finger at her, pausing for effect, "are gorgeous." He winked, and she suppressed a laugh, making him pout. "Why're you laughing? It's true!"

"Ant, honey, you are very drunk right now. Please go home," she said, pressing a hand to her mouth to stop the giggles bursting out.

"But I can't go home," he said, suddenly very serious.

"Oh really? Why's that?"

"Because I need a kiss if I'm gonna go home." He puckered up immediately, leaning forward over the bar and closing his eyes.

"Oh my god, Anthony, stop it!"

"Aw, do you not wanna kiss me?" He pouted again, and Y/n couldn't stop her laughter anymore. Lockwood sat back, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing. "Well, I'm not going away until I get a kiss from the prettiest bartender person lady that I've ever seen, so you'll have to get used to me being here."

"Okay, alright! Lemme serve this customer, yeah?" She turned away, leaving Lockwood to stew in his seat at her lack of kisses. Waiting for her to come back to him felt like an eternity, and when she came around the bar to stand next to him, he perked up, half launching himself at her. "Woah! Hold on, Ant! Jesus!" He was still sat on the stool, Y/n being only slightly taller than him despite being stood up, and he pulled her between his legs, arms wrapping around her waist. "Wait, what about your friends? I thought they didn't know?"

"Don't care, jus' wanna kiss you. There's a share of fifty pounds in it for you," he said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows like he had a few weeks ago when she'd patched him up.

"Oh wow, you really love me, huh? Kissing me for money?" she asked sarcastically, but her eyes were warm. He nodded, dopey look on his face.

"Please? 'Cause Kipps said I can't pick up girls, and he bet money that I couldn't get a kiss out of you, and then the others bet money too, and mostly I wanna prove him wrong, but also I want the money so I can take you on the most amazing date in your life and get you ice cream."

"You are such a golden retriever puppy of a boyfriend, aren't you? Come here." She took his face in her hands, placing a few soft kisses on his mouth. His arms tightened around her waist, holding her closer to him, and Y/n had to brace a hand on the bar so that she didn't fall over from the awkward angle. When she pulled back, he chased her lips for a moment, opening his eyes slowly. His gaze was full of love, and he had a gentle smile on his face.

"I love you, Y/n/n."

"Love you too, Ant. Now get your fifty pounds and drink some water."

"Ugh, but water's boringgg," he complained, frown forming on his face. Y/n chuckled, kissing the crease between his eyebrows.

"I'll give you more than kisses when you come over on Saturday if you sober up." Lockwood stopped frowning immediately, and Y/n could practically feel the happiness radiating off of him.

"Where's the water?"

~~~

"Shit, how'd you do that, Tony?"

Lockwood shrugged. "I'm just really good at picking up girls."

"Sure, is that vodka?"

"Nope, water."

"Why have you got that?" Kipps wrinkled his nose, handing over his portion of Lockwood's winnings.

"Because she told me to drink it," he said, sipping the liquid through the straw he'd asked for (it made drinking boring things more fun, he'd told Y/n).

"Uh... okay?"

"Yeah. I feel like- hang on, Lucy, where's your tenner? Thanks. I feel like it's a little bit unfair, the bet, 'cause she is actually my girlfriend, but- no, you can't take the money back! You made a bet! No take-backs! But thanks anyway."

"So you can't pick up girls!" Kipps shouted, thinking he'd finally found something Anthony Lockwood couldn't do.

"Well technically I can, 'cause I had to pick her up in the first place to get her to be my girlfriend, and also she's not that heavy, so I can definitely pick her up if she doesn't wriggle too much. I know 'cause I've done it before."

Kipps groaned. "Wait... she just told you to drink water, so you are?"

"Yep. She's very persuasive. Basically said that if I drink it all then when I go to her house on Saturday we're gonna have sex," he said casually.

Everybody around the table choked on their drinks.

#anthony lockwood #lockwood and co #lockwood netflix #anthony lockwood x reader #lockwood & co #idiots in love #anthony lockwood x you #lockwood x reader #lockwood x you

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greencloakedfae · 6 months ago

Text

Nell's Shirt Recreation

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Alright, being a Renegade Nell fan and a historical fashion fan has unsurprisingly led me down the rabbit hole of their costuming. So, I'm recreating Nell's shirt best I can, cause gender envy :D

I'm also gonna try document my progress as I love to infodump and a few people on the renegade nell discord server have asked me to lmao. This post is gonna be about planning, drafting and cutting!

Planning:

Above is my collection of screenshots (and gifs u can find if you search #sewing reference on my blog) from a rewatch of the show, with notes about construction details. I am so sorry about my handwriting, but if anyone is curious about anything they can't read please ask and I will happily provide.

The rundown though, is that it's a classic 18th century men's shirt, which you can find countless tutorials for if you want to make one that isn't so specifically Nell's.

There are a number of key details to note that are specific to this shirt however. The sizing of the shirt is a bit abnormal to the brief research I've done, with Nell's gussets (the triangle under the arm that allows movement) being a bit larger than what's to be expected, as well as the length being extremely long compared to other men's shirts. Eg:

(Credit indigomood for the gif, my phone couldn't handle searching for it in gifs so I had to download it)

Which, would make sense for a shirt she's taken from her late husband, but the sleeves are so fitted perfectly to her arm length, that I'm gonna just chalk these up as a mix of design choices for the comfort of Lousia when filming and giving the illusion of an oversized shirt.

Also, the cuffs and collar have a simple embroidery edging to them which I love. They have most likely been done on a modern machine, but we can cut Tom Pye some slack with the rest of the amazing work he's done. It looks like a zigzag stitch, with a straight stitch running on the side closest to the edge.

Also also, if anyone has seen Bernadette Banners pirate shirt tutorial, the sleeves and collar have less fabric and as a result less gathering. It's also mostly situated at the very tops of the shoulder, rather than all around the arms eye.

Alrightly onto the pattern drafting:

The Pattern:

The first image is a not-to-scale sketch up of all the pattern pieces, with my estimation of measurements (with about 1cm seam allowance idk I learnt to sew without a sewing machine and this project isn't very fussy) for each piece, as well as some short notes for how I got some of the measurements. The second image is just a guide/plan of how to lay each piece out on my fabric with minimal waste, and will be different for each person if yall attempt this.

I'm ngl, I snatched Bernadette's pattern as a base, cause I've made that shirt before. The measurements also are a weird mix of the guides given in Bernadette's video, a great informative comment on the video by musikkfreaken342, and a general taking measurements of my own body (which is a similar body type to Nell's) and seeing how they compare to the photo references. I wish I could give more guidance here but I'm ngl I went based on vibes for most of this.

*Note: despite how long Nell's shirt appears to be in that Billy intro scene, I'm going to run on the assumption that the length was for actor comfort, and will be cutting mine shorter.

Also, ignore the neck slit lining/reinforcement for now. Idk how I'm doing that yet... so yeah.

Alright!! Moving onto actually cutting out the fabric!

Cutting the Fabric:

Historically these shirts are made from linen (and sometimes cotton I think?). Great material: looks great, breaths easy, whips sweat away from the skin to protect your outer layers.

I've personally chosen a lightweight linen/rayon blend, cause it's soft and I don't have the money for full linen. Def recommend a lightweight linen if possible for these shirts, it just works out nicer and comfier.

However, with linen comes the challenges of cutting everything out straight. As you may have noticed, all our pattern pieces are rectangles, and it's very important to cut these as straight as possible for the shirt to drape properly. As such, I've used a method called drawing threads, where you pull one thread out to make a guide to cut along.

You can skip the next few photos if you are not actually interested in sewing techniques and just want to see Nell's shirt.

First measure your piece. I've placed pins in where I want to cut.

From there, I have cut a little notch, and separated out a thread.

Here comes the tedious task of pulling on the thread until you end up with a gap in the weave! The thread will break on you countless times and you have to be patient I'm so sorry.

You then cut along that line to end up with perfectly rectangular pieces. I also recommend doing each piece either individually or in small groups.

Okay end of needless tutorial about cutting linen!!!

At the end of this whole process, I've ended up with all my pieces :D

The collar slit reinforcement piece is just a scrap piece of fabric rn. Like I said idk what I'm doing for that yet.

Thats what I have for now! I'm lowkey planning on sewing most of this by hand, cause I'm that sort of person, so it might be a moment before I have a substantial update for if anyone is actually a fraction of the interested in this as I am sjfjskf.

#if anyone gets to the bottom of this post ilysm #nell jackson #costume recreation #renegade nell #sewing #cosplay

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lurkingshan · 1 year ago

Note

Hello hello! Since you watch all kinds of asian dramas, what are your top ones that feature casual intimacy?

Hey anon! I do in fact watch all kinds. :))

I am going to partially cheat on this one and point you to a previous post I wrote in July: The Ride or Die Drama Couples List. This is a list of dramas with couples in established relationships, as well as a bunch of friends to lovers dramas where the couple is basically together the whole time but doesn't realize it yet. Since the Venn diagram of my list for best casual intimacy and this post is basically a circle, I figured it was a good place to start.

That said, I have watched many more dramas since then and there are a few that don't fit that list's bill, so here are some additions in no particular order:

Sing My Crush

Just look at this gif. Im Hantae can't keep his hands off Han Baram regardless of their relationship status, and it's some of the sweetest casual affection I've ever seen depicted on my screen.

Choco Milk Shake

This Korean bl is about a very sad boy's dead pets taking human form to return to him. I know it sounds weird but trust me it is cute as all hell and weirdly touching and chock-a-block with casual intimacy in the form of pets seeking their owner's attention.

A Boss and A Babe

Gun and Cher are one of the best couples in Thai bl this year for casual affection. This show has some wonkiness in the plot but the couple has a really lovely, easy chemistry and a lot of cute moments.

Reply 1988

Are you interested in casual intimacy of the platonic nature alongside your romance moments? Because this show is just full of it, with a tight knit group of neighborhood besties that are all up in each other's space. And once the romance kicks in, you get lots of cute stuff there, too.

The Eighth Sense

These two are all over each other both before and after they get together, with tons of small moments of skinship in every scene. Jae Won in particular really struggles to keep his hands to himself.

King the Land

One of my favorite romances of the year, with so many cute couple moments, both casual and Big Swoony, that I lost count.

Kiseki: Dear to Me

Do you consider touch on the rougher end of the spectrum—say, grabbing your bf by the scruff of his neck or throwing him over your shoulder—casual intimacy? If so, have I got a couple for you.

Taikan Yoho

The relationship dynamics in this Japanese bl are not for everyone, but if you're into something a little confusing and twisted with under-negotiated kink dynamics, you will be handsomely rewarded with more casual intimacy than you know what to do with.

Last Twilight

This one is still airing but I think it already won the casual intimacy Olympics for 2024. There is so much loving touch in this show, and it's also hugely important to the story, as one of our leads is losing his vision and needs the touch to feel grounded.

#sing my crush #choco milk shake #a boss and a babe #reply 1988 #the eighth sense #king the land #kiseki: dear to me #my personal weatherman #last twilight #shan recommends #shan answers

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fleet-of-fiction · 1 year ago

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My Truth

Allow me to introduce myself. Hi...

My name is Lucie. You might remember me from my old blog, lightmylove-gvf. It started out as a really fun, wholesome space. Full of love and laughter. I shared pictures and gif sets and works of fiction. Made so many wonderful connections with many different people. It really was a wonderful place to be. Until it wasn't. And although I've tried my best to step away from certain controversies, it seems that people still have an issue with me and still have my name in their mouth. So I'd like to take this opportunity to set the record straight. Maybe move past some untruths and you can all make informed decisions on whether you'd like to continue following me here on my current blog. Which is also a place of peace and love, I might add. And always has been.

Anyway, read on if you'd like. And if not, that's ok too.

I think it's fair to say that I've always been one of the more "controversial" writers around here. I have never shied away from difficult storytelling, and I never will. But what started out as a completely separate issue quickly snowballed into what could only be described as a personal vendetta.

I'm happy to discuss anything within my writing that might be of issue to a reader. A particular blog took offence to a scene I had written in a chapter of my fic, Backstage. I happened to disagree with this blog, and I tried my best to let them know whilst I understood their stance I did not agree with their point of view. I took this opinion to a discord server I was part of along with several other blogs here to see if they could shed more light on the issue.

The scene in question involved a fictionalised version of Josh and the reader in bed. They had gone to bed together with the full narrative of the reader known. How she was in love with him and wanted nothing more than to make love with him. They had been growing close. And Josh began to touch reader as they slept side by side. We get an insight into the readers thoughts during this moment, and they are very much with consent and enjoying the experience. It's meant to be a nod to what is to come. That their bodies are in tune with each other, even if their words are yet to speak of it. I think a lot of experiences in life play out like that. Where we don't always know what to say, but find ourselves in situations where our bodies can do the talking. Anyway, I digress...

There was a lot of opinions flying around in the server. Some were in favour of my opinion, others opposed it and were in favour of the anon who had sent me alot of hateful messages regarding their view that this scene was nothing more than sexual harassment. I explained in the server that I myself had been the victim of sexual assault/harassment. That I knew what it felt like to get into bed with someone I thought that I could trust only to have them break that trust in the most heinous way. I tried to explain that I didn't think this particular scene was that.

One sentence that I said was screenshotted and shared around with absolutely zero context to it and nothing of the rest of the conversation added to the screenshot. Just one sentence that I'd said which pertained to saying that I agreed that people should be able to get in bed with others and have full rights to their own bodies. I was AGREEING with that. It's there in black and white. But the narrative was skewed by people who didn't want to understand me. I tried to explain about how my personal experiences often lied within power imbalances when it came to things like S/H. But in the end, they gave me no chance to explain myself properly. They didn't want to. They'd seen and heard enough and made up their mind.

But it didn't stop there. People who I thought were my friends blocked me. Told me I was disgusting. Told me I was playing the victim. Because I didn't issue a grovelling apology. But how could I? I wasn't sorry. I hadn't done anything wrong. I'd poured my heart out to them about my trauma and abuse and how in my own experience I didn't view it as the same as what I'd written. I'd put trigger warnings. I'd made sure people had the right to information before proceeding!

I had blogs who had never interacted with me block me. Call me disgusting. Tell me fuck myself. I had anons telling me to kill myself. Anons telling me that I was a rapist and...for some reason...a peadophile sympathiser? I didn't deserve that. Nobody deserves that. I literally wrote two consenting adults touching each other in a bed they'd both gotten into...consentingly.... with very obvious (although unspoken at that point) feelings for each other. But now, that wasn't the issue. The issue was my own personal feelings on sexual harassment.

I'm the first to admit that I am perhaps not an easily digestable person to some. But I know that I am kind. I know that I have spent hours proof reading and editing fics for other writers on here because they asked for my help. I've supported people though personal issues, and I've championed the work of other writers because I truly believed that this space was a wonderful space for creativity. I still do, to some degree. I am not perfect, and I know that sometimes I can be a little head strong when it comes to protecting people's rights to free speech. I understand that I'm not palatable as a person to people who don't agree that the freedom to write should come with the freedom to write anything.

To those of you who never ever spoke to me and are still sharing things about me with the hash tag #fuck you lucie.... to you I say why have you jumped on that bandwagon? You do not know me. You know only what you've heard from people who were intent on pushing a narrative that was their own. Not mine. You don't know that these people were once my friends. And they shared my work and enjoyed it as I enjoyed theirs. They told me things about themselves and I was happy to know them. These people who then decided I was a terrible human being. Based on one thing I said that was taken completely out of context. It's almost as if they have shared it so many times now with their own backstory that it's a canon truth. I'm the worst human to ever walk the earth. Forget about all the good things I did for you. I'm scum.

If you're still reading this, you're probably thinking boo hoo what a victim complex. Maybe you're right. Maybe I do have a victim complex. Like everyone else here I have mental health problems and I'm on the spectrum. I have trauma. As part of my adhd I have rejection sensitivity which means when I'm cornered I tend to fight back with justifications as to why I behaved the way I did. I guess that's what I'm doing now. Trying to explain myself. Again. Although what good it'll do, I dont know. And I think right now, it no longer matters.

And yet I still see that I'm being talked about. I'm still getting accused of sending anons to other blogs when I was literally just existing here in my peaceful little corner, everyone who had ever taken issue with me blocked or unfollowed. I didn't know what was going on over there, I was trying to just enjoy reading and writing. My anxiety could never cope with sending a hateful anon, I know there's ways of finding out where they come from and revealing the blogs who send them and it's like that story we're all told about peeing in the pool and turning the water a different colour. I don't fuck with that shit.

If, for any particular reason, I've ever hurt anyone here to them I do issue a heartfelt apology because it has never been and never will be my intention. I said some awful things in the heat of the moment when I was receiving alot of hate and death threats regarding the AI edit a friend of mine made with audio from one of my fics. I was under so much pressure. I wanted it all to just stop. I just wanted everyone to be able to enjoy whatever made them happy. I am sorry for the things I said during that time. Im a human being. I am flawed. However..

I do not believe that people lose their rights to their body the minute they climb into bed with someone. And that's precisely what I say in the infamous screenshot. I just hope for anyone who has seen it that they now understand that it was said with love and understanding and support. I would never disregard anyones trauma or triggers. Never. And that is why I believe in giving people all the information they require before consuming media and art.

With all this said, I sincerely hope that it's clear that all I want to do is write. It's all ive ever done and all I will ever really be any good at doing. I'm proud of the fics I've put out here on my old blog and this one too. I don't care about how many notes they get, just that one or two people read it and enjoy it. And I hope you all know that I'm a nice person, too. So are a lot of blogs who have been villainised recently. This witch hunt has got to stop. We have got to start listening to each other with peace and understanding and not jump to conclusions. Not make people out to be something they simply aren't.

I want to curate a loving space here. A safe and nurturing space for anyone to feel free within. I want people to know they can jump in my asks and know that I will love them. I want everyone, of every race and every gender and ever creed of this world to know they are welcome and accepted here. Like a wise man that we all know and love once said. I'm not the person they say I am. I never was. And I think some of them know that. It is my greatest hope that any of you who wish to stick around get to know me for yourselves.

It is my greatest wish that those blogs who are still spouting hate about me really grow and heal. Or even better, pop on over and get to know me? I think it's important to understand why you might hate someone and not just from unreliable sources. If you think that I am some sort of s/a supporter who revels in writing that sort of thing then I'd be glad to dispel that myth.

I'm not going to speak on this again because I feel that I've moved on. This blog is my creative outlet and always will be. And as I've stated above its a safe and loving space for all. I'm reclaiming the fun. And hopefully some of you will stick around for it. And if not, I bid you a farewell. With nothing but love in my heart.

#my truth #im not who you think i am #love #support #truth #an open letter #i hope this helps

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waitmyturtles · 1 year ago

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THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 3 ("BINGBONG! MUST BE THAT WIRETAP THAT I ORDERED") EDITION

Before I get started on my episode review, I just want to gather some quick thoughts about my observations of yesterday's internet:

1) Tumblr was a lot more subdued than after the first two episodes of Only Friends. Now that I've seen episode 3, it makes a lot of sense: I've noticed that I've gotten myself prepared unconsciously before watching OF much later after everyone else through the streaming vibes on my dash. I even saw some Laws of Attraction gifs before the Only Friends gifs, ha! But there's a lot going on to dig into with OF, and it makes sense why feelings are starting to get complicated over what's happening.

2) The Ephemerality Squad ( @ranchthoughts, @chickenstrangers, @lurkingshan, @slayerkitty, @twig-tea, and honorary shout-out @neuroticbookworm) hit spot-on in analysis yesterday. This was definitely another episode about the fleetingness of just about everything. Let's do this.

@ranchthoughts in their ephemerality analysis yesterday hit on the two big themes of episode 3: the continued fleeting of time, and stronger attempts of control. (@slayerkitty also nailed some excellent observations about voyeurism, which I'll hopefully have time to get into in a bit.) We were left to see how Top, Sand, and Nick, respectively, dealt with the attempts of Mew, Ray, and Boston, the three college friends, to control their environments -- and their people -- around them, all to varying degrees of.... I don't think we can say success.

I wonder if I can try to map this out, this web of attempted control. But before I do this, I want to repeat something that I jotted down in my notes as I watched the episode:

These guys are spending a disproportional amount of time -- especially Boston, Sand, and Ray -- explaining that their dalliances are only fleeting and non-committal. I noted that Sand seemed to be weakening just slightly at that during the car make-out sesh with Ray. (At the same time, I think Sand was also like, this guy's available rn? Well -- awlright, whateves, shrugs, I'm in the mood.)

But more surprisingly, WOW -- is Boston EVER BAD at setting boundaries. (Considering the discussions we on Tumblr were having about Boston's shower scene last week, that is very not surprising.)

My dude. My DUDE. "YOU CAN CALL OUR RELATIONSHIP WHATEVER YOU LIKE?" You call THAT being clear about friends with benefits? Well done, dumbass. Bro, Khai from Theory of Love is waving his damn hands in front of you, being all like, "NAAWWWW, THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO THIS, DUDE, NOOOOOOOOOO."

And THEN Nick taps the car, but hold up, let me get back to THAT in a sec.

Anyway: @ranchthoughts did an excellent control outline here, but I'm just going to do a very quick interpersonal web to demonstrate how these guys are actually failing spectacularly at keeping things together for their own selfishness sake:

Boston -->

1) is trying to manage his "relationship" with Nick, quite failingly 2) is trying to convince Top to sleep with him by planting in Top's mind doubts about Mew and Mew's alleged virginity

Mew -->

3) is... doing what, at this point? Top is calling Mew his boyfriend. Why is Mew still holding out on sex? What's the point of the game at this point?

Ray -->

4) is clearly intrigued by Sand, to the point of hanging out at the bar alone, and inviting Sand to perform at the pool party. But, Ray: 5) is still clearly drawn to Mew. Back to Mew:

Mew -->

6) is still very aware that he has a draw on Ray (cc @neuroticbookworm). As @neuroticbookworm noted to me last night: Mew didn't call Cheum or Boston when he lost his key. He called Top first -- of course, he had to, Top is his boyfriend. And THEN, he called Ray. Mew knew Ray was checking out Sand all night. Mew called Ray out on it. MEW ENCOURAGED RAY TO GO FOR IT. And yet, Mew called Ray, knowing likely that he was going to be interrupting something. And in a Pavlovian reaction (credit @neuroticbookworm), Ray stops everything with Sand in the car to run to Mew.

Top -->

7) is trying to control his urges around Boston, and fails quite spectacularly

Sand -->

8) tries to give Ray the ol' "just friends" razzle-dazzle, but listen, when the boi be cute like that and all kissy-kissy, then, Sand, I'm not holding it against you, you had every right to dive on in, my man. And finally:

Nick -->

9) Nick is outta control, ha. I see some corners of sympathy for Nick around this way and that, but a few words here on this.

Boston is a terrifically BAD communicator. I want to say that Boston has had a consistent message for Nick: there's nothing going on here. But that's not quite the case. Boston's ALLLLL over the place with the way he's talking to Nick.

I've been in situations where I desperately wanted a man that I was sleeping with to be my boyfriend. I know the ache of being held at arm's length. It's a horrible feeling to not quite know what your FWB is thinking about you at any given moment.

On the flip side -- oh, that flip side. This kind of reminds me of how I thought about Third in Theory of Love. Boston's inconsistent communication with Nick should, arguably, be a red flag for Nick. If Nick wants, say, a relationship with Boston, welp -- do you really want a relationship with a guy who's holding you at arm's length? I might argue that Boston's inconsistent communication is CLEAR communication that he's not ready for whatever Nick is wanting from him, whether it's a relationship or even an exclusive FWB arrangement.

Again, I know and remember the feeling of being held back, of being pushed away. But as I grew up throughout my 20s (A LONG TIME AGO, DAMN IT), I figured out that the way I could find happiness was by being accountable to myself and any future partner I might have. If a guy was wasting my time, then -- he was wasting my time, and there was no other story to it. I had to learn to move on to find what I really wanted and needed for the betterment of my life.

My man, Nick, on the other hand, taps Boston's car and hears and sees the bang-bang. Boston's up to no good, no doubt, he is messing with EVERYONE. But, Nick -- what do you want from this? Where do you think this is going to go? If I were you -- damn, brother, if I were YOUR MOM -- I'd be like, sashay away. But, no, you tapped his car, and we'll find out what's really going on with that, hopefully, in the next episodes.

Last little bits. Some blue-balling in this episode. Oof. Arguably, Mew's been putting the squeeze on Top over the long haul. But to see Ray do that to Sand in the car -- eeeeyikes. Sand walked away from that with clarity -- I was impressed.

I am not getting enough Jennie Panhan in this show. First off -- FIRST OFF -- she is SLAMMIN'. Did you see those biceps? And her calm demeanor as Yo. As opposed to Cheum, who knows that Ray can get whatever he needs, fiscally, from his father -- Yo encourages Ray to get off his ass and seek out answers to his questions and feelings about Sand himself. (@twig-tea attributes this to Yo knowing that one can't control everything in one's life, an analysis that I love.) Yo encourages a touch of independence from her friends. I wonder if this is a theme from her that will continue to unwind moving forward.

We finally saw Title! And I would like to see more Tee Teeradej, pretty pwease.

Finally, rolling back to @slayerkitty's thoughts on voyeurism: @slayerkitty posited that each episode had a different modality of voyeurism and passive participation in engagement with others, an analysis that I love. (I think that absolutely speaks to the sense of aloofness and disconnect that I continue to get out of Ray and Boston in particular.) @lurkingshan also noted that a lot of the flirtation and sex in the first three episodes have involved cameras, photography, audiences, and so on.

Voyeurism: you're watching something, but you're not necessarily participating IN IT. Your engagement with an event is at arm's length.

I want to think that this, in part, is a continued commentary on the shipped couples acting in this show, and how we're SEEING them continue to break down. We might see a kiss between Khaotung and Book next week. We've seen Neo and Force together now, acting out intimacy. There's something happening between the characters of Sand and Top that will have First and Force interacting. The passive act of expecting the shipped couples to continue to ship -- is that not voyeurism on demand on behalf of the fandom?

I don't want to be passive about this: I actively continue to cheer for the ships to sink. This episode was GREAT, it held a lot, it was complicated and very open-ended, and there's a lot that needs to be explained next week.

(Speaking of next week: I will likely not have OF meta, as I'll be moving. If I do have meta, it'll maybe be stream of consciousness from the depths of my disorganized despair. But I'll be back in action after America's Labor Day -- SUPPORT UNIONS!)

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guardian-angle22 · 17 days ago

Note

If you're still taking gif requests, would you be able to gif some of TK's expressions when he's talking to Tommy and Nancy about the conflict with Carlos over Jonah? I'm fascinated by his micro expressions and I don't think I've seen anyone gif that scene yet!

I have now made gifs for essentially that entire scene!

This is the set that specifically has what you're talking about here. I do enjoy seeing the micro expressions you mentioned. Ronen really was forced to do the Most with his expressions on this one since TK was given all of two (2) scenes to convey his feelings on the situation to the audience before we were given a resolution. 🤭

#anon answered #911ls ask #gif request

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herewegobacktomoon · 2 years ago

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Okay, I've been trying for two days to ignore all the feelings 6.07 brought up for me, but you all made it kind of impossible with all the edits and GIFs🥲

So here I am, trying to put all the thoughts that have been nagging me out there, hoping that it'll take away some of my pain and if not, it'll make people who believe Maya is just a shitty abusive human being realize how wrong that is.

So, let's start.

The first thing Maya says when she wakes up? She asks where Carina is, she asks for her wife.

I've seen many people commenting that Maya was looking for her because she probably just wanted to get out of there asap, but I don't think it's about that at all.

Take one second, one moment, to look at her.

She just woke up, she's puzzled, she slowly takes in her surrounding, trying to gather her thoughts, to understand what may be going on, until you see a shift behind her eyes.

Teddy talks to her, Jack is there too, she knows she's at Grey Sloan, and that befuddled look turns into a conscious looking for something, or rather someone.

She woke up, in the hospital where her wife works, and Carina is not there.

Maya's not plotting her elopement right now, she just needs her wife, she needs her and to see that Carina's not there has probably sent her on a spiraling of her own.

I might be wrong, obviously, this is just my opinion, but the second scene gives us a lot to think about.

As soon as Jack tells her about Maya, Carina runs to her, terrified.

That "hey", the same exact thing she told her brother when she entered his room after his surgery, might be a coincidence (probably is) but it still gives us an insight on how triggering this can be for Carina, who flies to Maya's side but not without throwing a glance at her stats first.

Carina is understandably worried, but so is Maya.

The slew of sorrys she blurts out speak on its own: she knows her getting hurt is probably one of Carina's worst fears, if not her worst one, and I strongly believe that not seeing her before, as soon as she woke up, had instilled in her the idea that Carina might have been so angry with her that she had left her there, not even daring to come see her.

It's wrong, we know Carina wouldn't leave Maya like that, but in that moment Maya doesn't.

Carina is not Lane, but Maya is too stuck in her head to remember that, and she's terrified.

She's so terrified that the exact moment her wife is by her side, she clings to her with everything she has. And right there, that's Maya needing her wife, wanting her close.

She knows she needs her, she knows it's bad, Carina doesn't yet, but Maya is aware what happened in order for her to fall.

She simply can't bring herself to accept that, so she denies it.

And that's when she asks Carina to be discharged.

The tone of her voice, her eyes... she's trying to talk Carina into this: she's not manipulative, she's just trying to get things to go her way, as we all do.

And Carina is starting to get a bigger image of the situation, but there are still some pieces left to the puzzle.

And it's shown perfectly in the scene right after that one.

When Maya brings up wanting to be discharged again, Carina's answer shows us that she still doesn't have a full picture of all this.

"You've been doing too much", she says but the problem is that it's worse than that. It's way worse.

Maya didn't just "do too much": she's being reckless, putting her life at risk in more than one occasion, overexerting herself even when she knows she's in pain (like the treadmill scene, which has so many meanings), but Carina doesn't know that and she doesn't realise it either.

She jokes about it, she brings up Maya's Olympics and her bragging, something Maya always did to show how good she was at embracing the pain, at overcoming it.

She always used it as a demonstration of her stubbornness and her willpower, and by using it as an example, we know that it's what Carina thinks this is about too: Maya being stubborn.

It's when Maya says that she needs to get back to work, because there was a call and she was supposed to help her team that something starts to feel wrong.

"I need to get back to work" Maya's voice is shaking, the walls are cracking again.

"I'm fine" she insists when Carina disagrees, shaking her head, her voice trembling again, but we can see that she's trying so hard not to break down, and when Carina brings up "the help" Maya needs, the walls fly back up.

She feels constricted, having no control, and in one of her most vulnerable moments, Carina brings up the thing she's been avoiding for months now, and as a consequence, she feels attacked.

So Maya snaps, her defenses shutting Carina out once again.

Maya snaps and Carina flinches, abruptly getting up.

As triggering as this moment is for her, considering her past with her father or at least, the little we can assume for what we saw and heard here and there mostly on Grey's, we can see realisation dawning on her.

The puzzle is not complete, but another piece has just fallen into her hands.

The look on her face (I can't stress enough how fucking amazing Stefania's acting is, every single time) speaks volume once again.

Maya is not herself.

She's not scared of her wife, but she's terrified of where her Maya has gone, and how far that distance has now grown, irreparably.

It's not the first time Maya snapped at her in the last period, but never, ever like this, not even on the rooftop scene.

She's starting to understand that no matter what she does, the help Maya needs is way bigger than the capacity of what she can do for her.

It's not until she talks with Jack that the puzzle is complete.

Watching it for the first time live, kinda got me angry, because I could tell Carina was processing, slowly making a decision, and I hated how Jack was apparently making it about him, but I have to thank some people on twitter who shared their thoughts and made me see it slightly differently.

So, while I would still have probably made him ask her how she felt, or how it went, something that Carina probably wouldn't have even needed to answer to, ( I'm telling you a sigh would have been more than enough, explicative in itself considering the situation), I believe this scene was a turning point.

Carina realized Maya wasn't just being stubborn.

At first, I was surprised at how Jack was so straightforward, angry at his lack of delicacy, considering how Carina already lost many people she loved , especially her brother, but after many, many rewatches, I came to realize that it was probably the aim of the whole thing.

To draw a parallel, at least in Carina's head, something stirring through her traumas and forcing her to make a decision, more drastic than everything she had considered so far.

A decision Maya feels betrayed by.

Maya was hoping to be discharged, but teddy and Carina tell her she's basically being 5150ed.

Now, for all the people that like me aren't too familiar with US laws, 5150 is a law code for a temporary, involuntary, psychiatric commitment for people who present a mental illness that leads them to be a danger to themselves, being considered unstable.

And while it doesn't excuse AT ALL Maya's behaviour, or bringing up Andrew's death, it EXPLAINS why she would feel that way.

Maya's not okay and we can see that very clearly, but she doesn't want to admit it.

"let me go home, we can figure this out" and then "you can help me, at home".

That pause between "you can help me" and "at home"? A whole line. (Danielle's acting as well...a masterpiece)

Her voice breaks again, and what I love about this part is the rollercoaster we go through as she expresses her emotions.

She's terrified, she's so afraid and tears are pricking at her eyes, but as soon as she feels that fear getting too loud, she tries to overshadow it with anger.

She felt like she had no control as she lay in that bed, and the 5150 took away the last bit of it she thought she still had.

She's a loose cannon now and Carina's standing right in her trajectory.

So she brings up Andrew.

His death and Carina's need for space, which was a whole different story, to Maya right now it isn't.

In a conlicting way, I'm convinced she didn't bring it up to hurt Carina.

She doesn't want to hurt her or to reopen her wounds even if that's what happens (I'll talk about it in a sec) : it's her twisted way to tell Carina what she needs, that she needs love and support, but that she doesn't feel it.

In a very twisted way, it's Maya letting out what we already knew she feared: that Carina wasn't on her side anymore, or worse, she no longer loved her as before.

Is it devastatingly painful? Without a doubt.

Even more knowing that it was exactly what Carina was doing in that moment: loving her beyond herself.

Carina has tried to help Maya, and she wouldn't let her in, but now that Maya is saying that she "can help her", Carina knows it wouldn't be enough.

And she knows that probably Maya wouldn't listen either, not when she's having psychotic breakdown, being convinced that she's fine, perfectly fit to go back to work.

That's why the 5150.

What Maya think is them taking control away from her, it's Carina doing everything in her power to protect her, taking over the control Maya has long lost.

When Maya brings up Andrew, we can see her face twist in pain, the memory and the accusation too raw to leave her unaffected.

But what Maya doesn't know is that she is Andrew, right now, but we, from outside, can see the similarities perfectly, even in their struggles.

So, when she sees Carina walking away, she panics.

"If you walk out that door, we're done."

It's supposed to be a threat, but Maya's voice betrays her.

She chokes on her words, on her tears, cracking up once again, letting us see how terrified she is.

But she doesn't want that, so she repeats that statement, her tone now angrier, but not in the slightest less scared.

And then Carina's words, the love behind them hitting like an uncontrollable force, crash against Maya's walls, destroying everything they find.

"I lose you either way, Bella. I'd rather lose you and have you be alive".

That is the most selfless act of love Carina could do in that moment.

Leaving Maya shatters her, Maya is her home and she's watching her collapse, but she knows that her arms aren't strong enough to put the pieces back together right now.

Maya needs help and Carina does too.

And by walking away, Carina is making sure that Maya isn't Andrew.

We know it's not, but she's probably still convinced it was her fault, that by letting him on that train, she failed him.

By believing that she could help him, that if she was there he would be okay, she probably thinks that she was delusional.

And what happened is that Andrew died.

He died and Carina is afraid that by doing the same with Maya, by being sure that she could make it work, that she could fix it, things would have inevitably ended the same.

So she walks out of the room.

She doesn't walk out on their marriage, or on Maya: she's taking a step back to let Maya realize that the help she needs right now is a work she needs to do herself.

She's also setting a boundary, something that she knows she needs to keep her own trauma at bay.

But Maya's screams are probably more haunting than any of the ghosts from her past.

I honestly can't choose what was the most painful thing to hear.

When Maya threw that threat at Carina, she was sure, so sure that she would have stayed that when Carina "left", she shattered, with no restraint. (Except from teddy's arms, lol)

The trembling, pleading, repeated "Carina", the "I can't -", with the hand grabbing at her neck, her strangled voice as she chokes on her own screams and tears, on the verge of a panic attack as we hear her monitor beeping uncontrollably.

The "how could you", screamed with such a raw pain that you have to listen to it more than once to actually catch all the nuances behind it.

She's screaming, crying, breaking down because Carina has left.

I honestly have a hard time believing how every person that has watched this scene, even just once, can think that Maya doesn't love her, or that she doesn't deserve her.

She's crumbling, piece after piece, cracking as the pain excruciatingly overflows out of her lungs, and people still have the courage to say she's mean, abusive and undeserving of love.

And I'm glad Carina proves you all wrong.

Because she stays.

Maya doesn't see her, and she could run, she could run away from Maya's gut wrenching screams, but she stays there, crying with her, as shattered as her.

And then she covers her ears.

And although it was an incredibly intelligent improvisation, it's not casual.

She covers her ears when Maya chokes out a "Get back here", because she can't deal with all this pain, she can't bear it, and hearing Maya asking for her to come back, agonizing, would probably be enough to make her walk back inside.

And now that Carina is no longer there, we can see that Maya's more lost than ever, hollow, nothing but a shell of a person.

But ironically enough, this gives me hope.

It gives me hope because we all know the extent of the issue now, everyone has caught up, or at least Carina has and Maya did too.

For how painful and emotionally heavy it was to witness, I'm positive that Carina walking away is the first step that needed to be taken to be able to walk towards change, and eventually, the light.

Now if you've made it so far, I'm honestly so sorry for you lol, but I really needed to get it off of my chest or it would have haunted me the same way Maya's screams have been replaying in my head🙃

This is my silly, personal opinion, nothing more: I don't want neither to impose my thoughts on others nor to tell you how to feel about stuff, and I'd love if this starts a conversation.

But there's one thing I'm gonna ask you, something I can no longer stand: stop hating on Maya.

By writing this post, I strongly hope you were able to understand why everything is happening, why she's reacting like that; I hope it gave you a new insight.

So stop with the mean comments, cause words won't hurt her (it's sad, I know, but she's a fictional character), but they will hurt people who read them and struggle with the same issues.

I'm usually not fazed by this stuff, let alone if said by people I don't know, but I can tell you that reading some of your comments, the lack of empathy and coherence of thought of some people had me feeling very discouraged.

I'm not telling you to love Maya, nor to like her.

I'm not telling you to excuse her behaviours.

I'm telling you to try and understand.

And if that's too hard for you, if you tried but you can't empathize with someone struggling with their mental issues, I'm kindly asking you not to choose hate, and trust me: your silence is way more respectful than your words.

It's as simple as that.

#maya bishop #carina deluca #danielle savre #stefania spampinato #marina #maya x carina #station 19 #personal rant

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boku-no-anime-phase · 1 year ago

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It takes me a few watch throughs and some time to simmer in order to "get" surreal movies. I've only seen this one once.

That said, here are some of my initial thoughts about The Boy and the Heron. Spoilers below the gif!

Stacking blocks

The moment that's stuck with me the most was when great grand-uncle had gathered all those pure stones and asked Mahito to stack them, and Mahito refuses. Given the opportunity to build a better world, Mahito recognizes himself as unworthy.

In and of itself, that's a pretty significant moment. But then that's immediately followed by the evil parakeet coming in and trying to do it himself, failing immediately, and destroying everything in his frustration.

Which, to me, seems like it's saying that yeah you may not be worthy or feel capable of building a better world, but if you don't take action, someone worse will.

In the end, Mahito rejected the opportunity to be in charge of this constructed world. He let it die. But I don't think he rejected the responsibility to make his world a better place; and he brought a block with him, to remember.

Delivery room

The delivery room scene was one of the most puzzling to me. But the one thing I think I'm picking up (maybe I'm way off base? But I think I'm picking this up?) Is that the delivery room is where Natsuko becomes Mahito's mother. He calls her "mother" there for the first time as she "pushes him out" (of the room, with magic(?)). She doesn't deliver her baby there but she does become a mother. And maybe it's significant that Himi brought him there: a sort of symbolic hand-off.

Noble pelican

Several people have pointed out that Mahito starts the movie with some violent tendencies. Between fighting with his classmates, harming himself, trying to kill the heron etc, even though his face is super stoic I think his trauma comes out that way. When he sees the pelican outside, he takes a shovel with him, apparently to kill it. But it explains to him that it didn't have a choice in what it did, and it had tried everything, and at this point was only trying to survive, not liking what it had to do to stay alive.

Besides being a compelling commentary on living in the modern age (who among us can feel completely morally justified in everything we do to stay alive?), I thought that was such an interesting turning point for Mahito. By the end of the story, he's learned to be gentle. I wonder (I really need to watch it again) if that conversation affected the way he thought about his father (who makes war planes), and the people who bombed the hospital where his mother worked, and the parakeets, and Natsuko: everyone around him just doing whatever they had to to survive, even if they didn't like it, and even if they harmed others despite their best efforts.

Overall

I don't think I really "get" it yet, and I'm not sure when I will, but I feel like one of the themes has got to be, forge ahead even when things aren't perfect. Do your best rather than doing nothing, even if doing your best means risking making a mistake. You don't have to stack the blocks, but you've got to do something, or someone bad will inevitably come along and ruin everything. You may miss the past, but you must forge ahead into the future. You may not always like the situations you find yourself in, but you must make the best choices you can even when none of your options leave you with pure hands.

How do you live? There's only one right way: by doing the best you can.

#the boy and the heron #the boy and the heron spoilers #how do you live #tbath #tbath spoilers #miyazaki #hayao miyazaki

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nerdyvocals · 2 years ago

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Need to know your thoughts on Cynthia putting on that jacket when they get home from the dance. Cause I have a couple theories which both might be false.

1. The jacket is their father’s jacket and Cynthia needed some type of love so put the jacket on for comfort.

2. The jacket could be what Cynthia wanted to wear to the dance…

Would love to know your thoughts on this scene.

Hooo boy I am so glad someone asked me specifically about this, because I am actually very qualified to talk about it!!!

If you don't know me; Hi, I'm Levi, I am a theatre student, I'm currently working toward a degree in costume design and technology, and I have Big Opinions on clothing. Before I actually start talking about said opinions, let me first give a quick rundown on Costumes 101. Disclaimer: my education has been largely in the realm of stage production, but in Costume Land there is a very large overlap between stage and screen, with the main differences being on the technical side, which I will get more into later. That said, given the genre and tone of this show, my stage knowledge will apply.

And a word of warning: this anon has released a beast and this is going to be a long post, therefore I am putting my analysis under the cut. Also, apologies to those I tag, just want to make sure images and gifs get their proper credit.

Now, first and foremost, the purpose of costume on both screen and stage is to give insight into each character and passively tell a story. Therefore, nothing is coincidence and everything is intentional. Color, silhouette, piece, and style are all meticulously selected to bring a character to life and tell the audience who they are.

Example: In the live yesterday, Tricia Fukuhara mentioned requesting a beret she saw in the costume shop for Nancy, and while they did end up putting Nancy in several hats, she was told berets specifically were reserved for another character, Lydia. We do actually see another thespian with a beret, Alice (who IMDb tells me is played by Emilee Nimetz), which has... interesting implications, but that's for another post.

So let's see what we're working with here.

(gif by @stbot)

The first thing I notice is fairly obvious: this coat doesn't fit. That shoulder seam should be sitting right on the ball of their shoulder (think top of the shoulder cap); it's nearly halfway down their upper arm. Think it looks long here? Even when they're standing, it hits about mid-thigh. Not to mention that the sleeves themselves are baggy and way too long. They are swimming in this coat.

What does this mean? This coat isn't Cynthia's.

One could argue that it wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility that Cynthia would own an ill-fitting coat; given the time period, I imagine it would be hard for a girl to find men's clothing in her size. Except, for the most part, Cynthia's masc clothing does fit.

(gif by @greasegifs)

(gif by @wlwshipper)

(gif by @greasegifs)

(Image by @jealous-kippen)

Cynthia clearly has no problem finding men's clothing that fits. That said, there are technical reasons behind why a garment must fit beyond story-telling. Namely: actors' safety.

Out of any single one of Cynthia's looks, I would argue that this monstrosity:

(Image credit: promo shot)

would be the most likely candidate for ill-fitting garment, character-wise. Everything we know about Cynthia suggests that they aren't the type of person to buy a dress they will likely only wear once (i.e., they are poor: single-parent home, always hungry, excitement over free food (Buddy's campaign candy), and it appears that they live in an apartment).

All this to say, it would make sense for this dress in particular to not fit, and yet, it does. Why? There's a dance scene. While the hand jive itself is not a particularly intensive dance move, Ari is standing on tables, climbing on cars, jumping, crouching, all manner of things that would be dangerous to do in a garment that was too big.

(Side note: I've seen quite a few people suggest that this is an old dress or possibly a hand-me-down from somewhere, or if anything, purchased second-hand. I have reason to believe it's not, but again, that's another post).

Of course, Ari, and by extension, Cynthia, isn't doing anything in the Coat Scene (tm) that would endanger them by wearing something too big. Even still, given their previous wardrobe, it's out of place. And like I said before, nothing is coincidence and everything is intentional. And why is it significant that the coat is too big? Because nothing else that Cynthia wears is.

Now, all this was a very long-winded way to say that this is Papa Zdunowski's coat. It's clearly not Cynthia's, and their dad is the only other person they live with. So yes, dearest Anon, your theory is most definitely correct.

Cynthia had just had probably one of the worst nights in their young life. Their friend group has fallen apart, they've messed up big time with their oldest friend, Richie has been arrested, and they're being forced to confront that they are queer. They come home to an empty house, either literally (dad's still at the shop and mom hasn't been there in a long time) or figuratively (dad's asleep, and mom hasn't been there in a long time). Either way, it's not like they can really talk to anyone about what's been going on with them. But they desperately need comfort. So what do they do?

They wear their father's coat like a hug and get drunk on the couch.

Thank you and good night.

(if anyone wants to hear the costume tangents I forced myself to avoid or just wants to hear more costume rants, feel free to hit up my ask box or dms. I chose this career for a reason and if you give me permission, I Will Not Shut Up.)

#rise of the pink ladies #grease rise of the pink ladies #cynthia zdunowski #ask box #anon ask #rotpl #grease rotpl #costume theory #costuming #long post

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