#or skipping to the chuck scenes to see what they have to say about it

[yumeka-sxf]

In addition to Yor's epiphany scene, this scene was the other one I was most looking forward to in season 2 - a scene that, in my opinion, is one of the most Twiyor-ish scenes in the series so far 💖

Why is it so significant? Because there was no reason for Twilight to put on any Loid Forger acting in that moment. He wasn't conversing with nor being scrutinized by anyone. So why would he give that soft smile followed by such affectionate, comforting words as "お疲れ様/otsukaresama"? (this can be translated in many ways, but generally it's something you say to thank someone for their hard work).

The answer is because it's something he truly felt...he understood the sacrifice Yor made for Anya's happiness and genuinely appreciated it (if only he knew the sacrifice she made on the larger scale, lol). While he's a bit perturbed at first since some onlookers were snickering at him, it didn't take long for him to soften and then graciously carry his queen and princess the girls back to the ship 😭

But Twilight overall was really soft in this episode and I loved it~ From his blush upon seeing Yor to the several times he gave that same soft smile when talking with/looking at her...I think Anya was right when she called him out on the ship about missing his wife 😅

I liked how the anime conveyed his shock when noticing her bruised face...what must have been his thought at that moment? 👀

The scenes of the family activities translated better in animated form in my opinion. While they were each only a single panel in the manga, they lasted a few seconds each in the anime, plus the addition of the insert song helped the with the comfy, wholesome vibe~ Also the part where Yor inadvertently chucks Anya across the ocean is still hilarious.

Loid's dorky skip at the beginning of the episode translated very well in animated form too 😅

The ending of this chapter in the manga always felt a bit rushed to me...it quickly jumps from the aforementioned scene of them returning to the ship, to suddenly being home, reuniting with Bond and Franky, having a meal together, then Twilight meeting Sylvia, all within a few panels. Even though I wish the anime added more than just some additional scenes of the ship leaving the island, I felt it flowed much better in the anime since, just like the family activities, each scene in the ending lasted a second or two instead of being a single illustration.

But I love how this chapter/episode ends, with Yor, Anya, and Bond napping while Anya draws about her family vacation. This seems to take place the next day or maybe later the same day they got home, so makes sense they'd still be tired from the trip!

By the way, the manga has this additional scene showing that Olka and company are safe. Weird that the anime didn't stick it in at some point.

Also, the anime team didn't have to go so hard with this episode's key visual but they did...and I love it 😍 Might actually be my favorite of the key visuals so far!

I was very happy to see the "surrounded by liars" panel finally animated! This is such a funny scene and a great way to fully wrap up the cruise arc.

I also burst out laughing at Yuri's locker 🤣

Damian is surprisingly laid back in this episode. I think the reason is because Anya's antics aren't directly involving him. He tends to go total tsundere only when she's actually talking to him, lol.

The new scene of Yor getting the keychains for her coworkers was a nice addition! Guess it's canon that Yor and Anya didn't sleep for the entire trip back, lol. Glad they got to spend family time on the ship too! (though I wish we could have seen Yor's reaction waking up in Loid's bottom bunk bed, haha. He must have brought her to his room since he wouldn't know where her room is. Unless she woke up before he even put her in a bed, in which case she would have been super embarrassed knowing he was carrying her around in public 😆)

Looks like next week the anime will be changing the order of things a bit and giving us the Becky home-wrecking and Fiona chapters (the latter of which seems to have some anime original content?) The Becky chapter is one of my favorite stand-alone chapters...I'm already dying of laugher thinking about it 😂

[lil--ichigo]

Tf2 Mercs and Their Music Tastes but its period accurate

Scout - Mostly just goes with what's popular. Obviously loves Tom Jones and he is his favorite singer, but I think he also likes a lot of other music. He's a huge fan of Frankie Valli, Elvis, and Chuck Berry. He fawns over romantic music, too. IMO Falling in love with you and its his go to romantic song. I think he'd also like the music his mom listens to, like Frank Sinatra and Etta James. Def also gets into disco during the time skip in comic 7. He probably plays his music very loudly and annoys the base when they're trying to sleep. Poor Engie is always the one who has to tell him to turn it down because scout always wakes him up (I actually hc Dell is one of the better mercs when it comes to a sleep schedule but i'll post about the mercs sleeping habits some other time.)

Soldier - HATES THE BEATLES and considers them hippie music (he hates any kind of anti war music in general) I think hes older so wouldn't be a big fan of the music of the 60s, but moreso the big band stuff of the 40s and some patriotic music of course. He'll throw a hissy fit whenever the others suggest playing something else. The only other merc whose music he can tolerate is Demoman's and Engie's (Unless it's bob dylan, who falls under soldier's idea of "hippie music." But Engie also introduced him to Marty Robbins and the song Ain't I Right so...) Sadly idk much about 40s music so I can't say what he'd like in particular.

Pyro - Out of the mercs, Pyro is the least particular about music. Mostly because I imagine the music in pyroland sounds like The Lovin' Spoonful, Tiny Tim, or the Beach Boys. Even hard rock records will sound like cheerful pop to Pyro. I could see pyro liking psychadelic stuff like sniper outside of that. If Pyro is listening to music, Soldier is not allowed in their vicinity. It happened once, Soldier yelled something about hippie music and the base proceeded to catch fire. That was not a fun respawn for Soldier.

Engineer - Pretty much everyone agrees he's a Johnny Cash fan, so I'm going to go into other artists/bands he'd like. Of course, country music is a given, Dolly Parton, Patsy Cline, Marty Robbins ect. But I also think he'd like Folk, Blues, and Southern rock. Stuff like John Fogerty, or Bob Dylan. So a pretty modern music taste considering his age. I do think he likes some of the older music he grew up with, such as the song Uranium Fever.

Heavy - I don't know anything about the Russian music scene and what was popular, so I can't say what he would have listened to growing up or before he came to America. Tbh I think he mostly listens to whatever. Probably got introduced to glam rock via Medic. I think he likes to listen to classical music like Tchaikovsky or Shostakovich when he reads.

Demoman - Kinda extending my reach of period accurate cause it only really came to prominence during comic 7's timeskip, but for some reason I see him liking a lot of punk rock, not sure why. Maybe because a lot of punk bands were from the UK? I think he'd like the Sex Pistols and The Clash. I Think in general he and Sniper have very similar tastes in music (Specifically in Jazz, stuff like Miles Davis and Nucleus) although Demo likes music that's more upbeat. Specifically, there's this proto-punk band called Death I think Demoman would love, but they were super obscure during tf2s time.

Spy - If pyro is the least particular about music, spy is the most particular, even moreso than Soldier. I heard a spy cover of Frank Sinatra, and him liking him just Clicked? He seems like a fan of swing music to me, and probably gave some records to scout when he was young in hopes he's listen to them when he grew older. Maybe he'd also be into more modern/experimental stuff like The Velvet Underground?

Sniper - Tbh I heavily project a lot of my irl music taste onto him. He also enjoys more popular stuff, but not the kind of cheery stuff scout or pyro like. He's more into jazz and rock (esp the more psychadelic stuff like Jimi Hendrix and Cream cause he def smokes) Mainly the rolling stones, Black Sabbath and The Stooges. Like demo, I could see him liking punk when it starts to become known in the mid 70s. I think he'd be a fan of king crimson and some prog stuff too, but I can also see him thinking it's a bit too experimental and pretentious for him. Also since the tf2 comics ended in 1979 its my hc and I can say he likes joy division and dances when nobody is watching.

Medic - Don't have much to say aside from that man is gay as fuck he absolutely listens to Queen and David Bowie. I think when the mercs argue with what to listen to they end up handing the radio to Medic or Scout tbh.

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

Strawberries and Cream

I’m doing so good with this

Pairing: Eddie Diaz x Reader

Word count: 6.4k

Masterlist

🔪remember to reblog🔪

Notes: Im currently writing this while finishing chapter one lmao. No because if you ever see a “/“ in my work you better tell me RIGHT NEYOW because I don’t write things in order I skip whole scenes and then go back to that slash and write in what happens until it gets to the scene I wrote and if that’s there that means it’s about to get CONFUSING and I just forgot to write it. P.S I love it but I’m so sick of reading this chapter 🤣🤣🤣

Episode 2: Zoo Daze

Eddie takes his time shaving, his hands are shaking so badly he’s afraid he’s gonna slice his throat or something. Buck is sitting on his bed, looking over outfit options.

“So like… this is just a friend thing?” He asks Eddie as he makes a face at the green T-shirt, tossing it aside. He grabs the navy blue shirt and lays it over the jeans then takes a white sling bag from the closet. He pulls out his phone, clicking a few buttons before taking a picture.

“Yeah, just a friend thing” Eddie calls out from the bathroom “I just…I don’t wanna move too fast for her”

“Did you already imagine the dog?” Buck teases as he settles on Eddie’s beat-up Chuck Taylor’s, Eddie calls them “vintage” Buck calls him cheap.

“Leave Captain Barkley out of this, what did he ever do to you” Eddie walks out of the bathroom, wiping his face with a towel.

“Does she get to redecorate the house too? Because I know my cousin, you’re gonna be buried in stuffed animals”

“If that’s what she wants” Eddie tosses the towel down and looks over Buck's choices, shrugging as he starts getting dressed. “Trust me, I already know our styles are gonna fit. And even if they don’t we’ll just have a unique style together y’know? I’m easygoing, okay, you know that.”

Buck tosses him his cologne and Eddie sprays it on, putting on the teeniest, tiniest bit extra just so it’ll cling to you too. He fixes his hair one last time in the mirror and turns to Buck, his arms open.

“How do I look?” He does a spin, before crossing his arms over his chest. Buck studies him, narrowing his eyes before he gets up and goes through Eddie’s dresser, he grabs a nicer-looking watch and hands it to him

“This is gonna be weird” He stands against Eddie, leaning into his neck and inhaling slowly. His hands trail up his sides and he puts his hands on his chest. He smirks as his eyes roll back and he pulls away.

“Okay cool, you didn’t put too much on” He gives him a double thumbs up and Eddie rolls his eyes, chuckling.

“Pervert, you know you just wanted to feel me up”

“Are you gonna blame me?!” Buck throws his hands in the air in defense “And I swear I was making sure you didn’t put on too much cologne okay? And that’s probably the way Y/N would feel you up if you guys kiss so I gotta make sure your shirt is soft enough bro I’m looking out for you okay”

“Mhm I bet you are”

It’s cute how things are almost the same at Maddie’s house. She’s sitting on her bed, looking through all the clothes you brought over, phone in hand. You’re in the bathroom doing your hair, braiding it back.

“So it’s just a friend thing right?” She asks as she picks up a pink dress, tossing it aside.

“Yeah, that’s what we agreed on,” You say, coming out and taking off your robe, you toss it on the bed and Maddie hands you a blue and white gingham dress, with spaghetti straps and a tie in front. It’s short and playful, but still extremely cute

“Oh, and these!” She gets up, goes to her closet, and pulls out a pair of matching light blue Chuck Taylor’s “Chim got them for me before the pregnancy, they don’t exactly fit anymore” she chuckles as she tosses them on the floor in front of you

“You’re sure this isn’t too dressy?” You sound a bit worried as she ties the little bow in front and smiles at you

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s not too dressy. You look really good” She turns you around and grabs a white bow from the bed, putting it in your hair. She brushes off your shoulders and nods approvingly as she pushes you towards the mirror

“See? You look amazing! He’s gonna go crazy over you”

“We’re just friends Mads” You roll your eyes playfully “He’s not gonna go crazy over me”

“Hey, Eddie can appreciate beauty when he sees it, alright.” She smirks, Chim walks in, a smoothie in his hand.

“Oh heyyy, lookin' good Y/N I see what you’re doing there”

You giggle and Maddie pats your butt “See! You’re gonna be just fine, girly!”

Maddie helps you put on makeup, just a light, natural, look. She hands you the tube of strawberry lipgloss and you put it on, blowing a little kiss towards Chim who wolf whistles at you

“Okay. Maybe he’ll go a tiny bit crazy” You giggle as you spray your perfume over yourself. “He should be here soon, he said he’d be here at 10… is he normally on time?” You pack up your white mini backpack, stuffing a few snacks in there too.

“Usually yeah,” Chim says, swinging his feet as he sits on the bed. “Especially on dates”

“Does he date often?” You apply a little glitter to your collarbones just for funsies.

“No, not…for a while. But that’s kinda his story to tell. You’re the first in a while”

“I’m not the first” Your cheeks flush “It’s just two friends hanging out okay? And… that’s sort of good to know, at least I know what topic to avoid. Not that I’m trying to start a conversation about a relationship.”

Maddie rolls her eyes but allows it. It’s wildly clear to everyone you’re both smitten… hopefully, this is a good little push.

“Anyway” Maddie interrupts, the doorbell rings, there’s a weird commotion and then the front door slams.

“It’s me! It’s actually us, I asked for a ride” Buck says as he comes jogging into the bedroom. He stops when he sees you, absolutely melting. He clasps his hands together

“Awwwww oh my god. You look like a doll!!!” He comes over and hugs you, squeezing you. “Our baby is growing up!!!” He wipes a fake tear and you pat his back gingerly

“Thanks, Dad.” You snicker and Maddie pushes Buck away, threatening to punch him if he ruins your makeup.

“Hey isn’t Eddie outside” Chim points, getting up to get the door

“Oh my god, I totally forgot about that,” Buck says, his hands on his hips. “Wait- Wait Chim you gotta be cool you gotta be a dad! This is great practice!”

“Yeah. Yeah okay, a dad!” He grabs his smoothie cup and straightens out his shirt before smoothing his hair back.

“Oh my god. Let Eddie in!!!” Maddie yells at them and they both scramble out of the bedroom.

Maddie walks in front of you as you come out of the bedroom, Eddie hugs her and kisses her on the cheek before seeing you.

“Hey Y/N, you ready to…-“ he short circuits for a second, just staring at you. Buck shakes Chim and they hold onto each other.

He’s not even really being dramatic, god how could he be? If this is you for a “friend” date what the hell would you look like on a real date? He can practically see little puppy Captain Barkley Diaz now.

“Am I ready to?…-“ you smile up at him, batting your eyelashes teasingly. Earth isn’t even possible right now. He comes as close as Jupiter is as he looks down at you. You’re even matching, he’s not sure if it was on purpose or not but it’s cute it’s literally so damn cute.

“Um- uh. The… zoo are you ready to go to the zoo” He asks calmly, almost monotonously like he’d been practicing it on the way over.

“I’m ready!” You tell him excitedly, taking his hand and yanking on it.

“Let’s jet!”

Maddie and the boys wave you both off as you walk out, he opens the door for you, taking your hand and helping you up into the car. It’s Buck’s jeep, he practically demanded the two of you take it and said he cleaned it just for this occasion.

Eddie gets in, making sure you’re buckled in before turning on the jeep “You can play whatever you want”

You fiddle around with your phone for a second, hooking it up to the aux, and start scrolling through your playlists

“Okay this is just intimidating,” You say as you put on a random playlist

“Oh come on, you don’t want to show me who you are through music?” He smirks as he starts driving

“What if you think my music is trash?”

“I’m not gonna think your music is trash” he reassures you by turning up the volume.

It’s a fun mix of everything you like, you catch him mumbling along to “Oops…I did it again” he fully denies that one, but he does however proudly sing backups to “Wannabe and Too Much” by the Spice Girls. You’re both just messing around and having a good time… but of course, he can sing. His voice gives you chills and whilst you’re not so bad yourself it’s just a lot to handle.

“Sporty Spice carried those vocals,” Eddie says as he opens the car door for you, helping you out

“Buck says the same thing” You snort as you walk towards the entrance.

You guys stand in line together, you’re looking around the main lobby, it’s a pretty nice one. You look up at him, smiling widely

“I’m literally so excited, I hope they have elephants, I’ve always wanted to see an elephant!!”

“I’m pretty sure they do, we’ll get a map for you” Eddie takes your hand, his phone is scanned for the tickets and you head inside.

You’re like a child again, running around to each exhibit and pulling Eddie after you. He’s happy to take pictures of you with all the animals and you do the same. A woman comes over and offers to take a picture of the two of you, your cheeks flush as he hands her the phone and puts his arms around you, setting his head on your shoulder. You look at him just in time for the lady to take the picture

“Oh my god, you guys are so cute!!” She squeals, handing him back his phone

“Thank you” He smirks haughtily at you and you give his chest a whack.

“People are gonna think we’re together”

“Is that so bad?”

It’s not so bad, not really. You roll your eyes and look down at the map, your mouth drops open and you practically shove it in his face

“Look!!! They do have elephants!” You squeal as you grab his hand, and yank him with you. He stumbles after you, tripping over his own feet. It doesn’t even bother him in the least, watching you so excited and happy makes him feel giddy. Especially knowing he’s the one who brought you here.

You stop in front of the elephants, your head tilting up to stare at them

“Oh my god…” you say softly, staring at the gigantic animal in front of you. Your eyes are wide and sparkly… Eddie takes a picture of you, one he’ll keep to himself. You look euphoric and he knows he’s going to be hugging his phone to his chest and kicking his feet whenever he sees it again.

He wishes he could freeze this moment in time for you, you look over at him and his heart skips a beat at the smile on your face

“Isn’t it cool?” You giggle and he nods, a bit dumbly

“Uh-huh”

The butterflies around him don’t compare to the ones raging in his stomach, throwing an all-out rave.

You both sit in front of the elephants for a while, he eventually puts his arms around you and you lean into him, just watching them mess around in their habitat

“You wanna stay here all day? Or would you rather check out more animals”

“I wouldn’t mind seeing some Tigers”

You and Eddie end up on The Bridge, it’s a large structure high over the outdoor area for big cats. You find a place near a pair of binoculars and look down over the edge. You read from the information panel in front of you, learning all about Sean and Rhonda the tigers that live there.

Eddie is busy listening to you and looking through the binoculars when he gets eyes on Sean

“Huh… I wonder why he’s pacing like that. Been doing that for a while” Eddie aims the little binoculars at him again before stepping aside and giving you a chance to look through them at the tiger. He seems to be almost studying something. You look around for a bit, looking through the trees.

“Hey…Eddie?” You point towards a particularly odd-looking branch. “That- that kind of looks really easy for him to jump onto don’t you think?”

Eddie looks where you’re pointing, and he reaches out for your hand “Yeah it kind of freaking do-“

All hell breaks loose before he can even finish his sentence. The tiger takes a running start and jumps onto the tree, scaling it easily and heading straight for that branch. He’s out of his enclosure within 20 seconds. The bridge shakes as he lands.

You’re knocked over almost immediately as people start running and screaming, pushing each other out of the way to get away. The tiger roars before racing off in the opposite direction.

“Eddie?!”You scream for him. You’re on the ground, trying to push yourself up when you feel strong hands yank you up by your waist and you get thrown over someone’s shoulder.

You’re struggling a bit, before Eddie sets you down and pulls you with him, running to a little alcove outside the tiger exhibit. He hurries along, trying the doors until one finally gives.

“In here!” Eddie finds an unlocked supply closet and shoves you in first before rushing in behind you and slamming the door shut. You collapse on your butt, propped against the wall. You’re panting harshly, your hands shaking as Eddie gets down, crawling over to you

“Hey, hey look at me, are you okay?” He puts his hands on your face, his eyes searching your body frantically. You can feel his hands shaking just as hard as yours as he feels over your face. You’re a bit scuffed up and dirty but the tiger didn’t rip you to shreds so really it seems like a win.

“I’m- y-yeah no, no I’m okay. I’m okay. I think. I-“

He yanks you against his chest, burying his face in your neck as he holds you.

“Don’t ever let go of my hand again, do you understand me?” He pants, one hand on the back of your head and the other, fingers splayed across your back, squishing you against him. “God please never let go”

It takes a while for Eddie to calm down, you’re just sitting in his lap as he holds you close, rocking you slowly. You’re not sure who’s being comforted more, you or him. You can hear both of your phones blowing up in your pockets, the fire fam has gotten wind of what happened but neither of you wants to move to answer them. He rubs your side lovingly, his head on top of yours

“You doin' okay?” He asks, a bit more level-headed this time, his voice soft and even.

“Yeah but-“ You point to your knee, it’s pretty scraped up and bloody. He frowns, as he looks it over, he should have asked sooner. It’s not too bad but it definitely needs to be taken care of. He sets you down on the floor and takes off his bag.

“Are you doing okay?” You ask and he looks up at you, a grimace on his face and you decide not to push him on it. You look around the supply closet, it’s cool and dark, and there’s a window letting in a bit of light. You’re sort of hoping the Tiger isn’t smart enough to open doors, even if in theory that would be super cool.

“You know this has got to be the coolest day of my life” You snicker as Eddie takes out the supplies from his emergency kit. He’s finally able to part with you for the time being, he’s gotta put this first. This is his job, he can do it.

“Coolest huh? Why is that?”

He’s so concentrated on what he’s doing, using his “Fireman’s” voice. He pulls the antiseptic from the bag, his movements are fluid and practiced, he doesn’t even warn you when he goes to disinfect the wound, just immediately blots it.

You hiss in pain, jerking a little and he looks up at you “Why was it so cool?” He asks again softly, rubbing your leg. It’s distracting, he didn’t want to use that particular disinfectant because he knew it would sting but it was the best he had. He doesn’t stop blotting at it, but he does blow on it as he goes.

“A whole ass Tiger escaped its enclosure! And I got to see it happen!!” You tell him, watching him carefully as he cleans you up.

“I’m gonna be so real, I nearly shit my pants. That was terrifying.”

You laugh together as he reaches back in the kit, getting a large tan bandaid.

“You know, death by tiger? Would have been literally the most metal way to go out” You say, watching his skilled hands. Is it weird to say he’s super hot when he’s being all “hero, rescue, firefighter guy?”

“I think the only way it would be cooler was if you died fighting the tiger to save a child”

Your head falls back and you cover your mouth laughing.

“I’m glad you saved me though… Thank you. I could have gotten trampled… you’re like… really strong”

“Hey it’s my job to be strong,” He says, smiling as he looks up at you. He puts the bandaid on you and then reaches back into his kit, putting a cute Hello Kitty bandaid over the large tan one. “And I’ll always save you Y/N. I promise”

The announcement comes over the speakers that the tiger has been contained and that Investigators want to talk to everyone on the bridge. Eddie knows he shouldn’t. But he sneaks the two of you out of the zoo anyway, he’ll call the zoo later and tell them what happened. It’s well- a zoo in there right now and he just needs peace, and he can tell you’re just as frazzled. He helps you into the jeep and then gets in, slamming the door shut. It’s silent, there’s no screaming, no running…no growling. Just silence.

You lean your head on his shoulder, your hand still in his, and you rub soothing circles on the back of his hand. It’s a good 20 minutes before he finally turns on the car. It kind of seems like the chaos and screaming got to him and you’re a bit worried.

“I know a really good diner if you’re hungry, best diner you’ll ever go to I promise” He finally speaks up. He sets your hand on his thigh and you squeeze it lightly, leaving it there

“Yeah okay sounds good, but if you’re lying I’m gonna spray you with the hose.”

He snorts as he pulls out of the parking lot and rolls his eyes “How are you even gonna get the hose?”

“You honestly think Buck wouldn’t give it to me? And be there right behind me as I’m spraying you down? Like Chim and Hen wouldn’t be filming it!”

“I think at least Bobby would save me!!”

You giggle and slap his thigh playfully “He’s gonna be the one controlling the water”

You plop down in the booth across from Eddie, leaning back against the plush seating. The waitress drops two menus in front of you both and promises to come back soon with water to get you started.

“Do you know what you want?” Eddie asks as he leans forward, his arms on the table, his hand cradling his chin.

“Probably that burger” you shrug, laying your head down on your arm on the table. You’re both exhausted. Now that the adrenaline has worn off it’s time for a serious nap

“Yeah, same” he agrees, laying his head down with you. He reaches over, taking your hand in his as he closes his eyes. You smile softly as he rubs circles with his thumb over it. The waitress hesitantly approaches the table setting your water down

“You two seem exhausted” She smiles as she takes out her book

“You have no idea” Eddie chuckles, sitting up. He orders for the two of you, two bacon cheeseburgers with grilled onions and two strawberry lemonades. It’s like he knows how to read your heart at this point

The waitress- Annie, writes down your orders and sticks her pen back in her book

“That’ll be out soon! Oh my god have you two heard about the tiger escaping at the zoo? It’s all over everything already”

“Oh trust me. We heard” Eddie tells her, handing her the menus while she talks about it for a little bit before walking away to put in the orders, you look up at Eddie and shake your head

“I’m 90 percent sure I’m gonna have tiger PTSD”

He snorts and intertwines your fingers together again, shaking your hand a little. “As someone who actively denies? PTSD yeah no definitely can confirm absolute tiger PTSD”

You giggle, watching your hands together before looking at him curiously “Actively denies…-?” You leave it open-ended and he nods

“Don’t wanna talk about it though. Please if that’s okay”

“No no, it’s fine” you reassure him, squeezing his hand “Just…. I’m here for you. I’m sure you probably hear that a lot. But I do mean it, Eddie. You’re not alone”

“Eh… sometimes it feels like it” He admits, staring at your hands “No one knows what I went through you know? It’s just rough I guess. I don’t know, I’ll get over it.”

You look at him, a sad smile on your face “You won’t get over it Eddie… not, not without help. But you know what, I just met you. This is kind of our first hangout. I'm not going to go down this road with you right now unless you’d like to. It’s not exactly my place”

“Hey we survived a wild tiger mauling together, I think it’s your place” he jokes with you, lightening the mood, you giggle and shake your head

“I’m glad I escaped with my arm. He really went to town on it.”

Lunch is nice, Eddie was right this is the best diner you’ve ever been to.

“Oh my god” You moan around your bite and he nods, laughing as he bites his burger. “Told you I knew what I was talking about”

“I promise to never doubt you again, you know until I completely forget this moment” You steal an onion ring and he smirks, taking one of your fries.

“Don’t worry I’ll remember it for you”

You two eat together in silence, a “companionable” silence. You’re looking out the window and he’s on his phone for a bit before slipping it back in his pocket. It’s nice to be around him…everything is always so good when it comes to him.

“What should we do after this?” You ask as you dip a fry in ketchup. He watches you for a bit before shrugging

“If you wanted, We could go out somewhere else. Or maybe we could just hang out somewhere… something laid back. I- I want to keep hanging out with you, I do. But-”

“We just got semi-attacked by a tiger and now we’re sitting here staring off into space”

“Yeahhh..” He sighs, grabbing an onion ring. He tears it in half, giving you one.

“If uh… if you’re up for it maybe we could just… go relax at my place? For a bit? It’s close to here and the couch is pretty comfy”

You grin widely, taking the half of onion ring and tossing it into your mouth

“Sounds good to me”

“Here we are, home sweet home” Eddie pulls into his driveway and shuts off the car. It’s around 4 pm but neither of you wanted the day to end and honestly, maybe you’re just still wanting to be by his side for a bit. He gets out and comes around, opening the door for you.

“Such a gentleman” You tease as you hop out, he flicks you off and shuts the door, locking it behind him. He lets you in the front door first, and you look around. It's very clean and put together, definitely a bit masculine in decoration. You slip off your shoes and go into the house

“Nice place you got here,” you tell him and he smiles, putting his hand on your lower back and guiding you over to the living room

“Thanks, Buck crashes here like… a lot. So you’ll probably find some of his stuff too if you feel like changing, or I can offer you something. Not that you’re not still looking absolutely stunning you know, just if you wanted to change. Can I get you something to drink?”

You look around the living room already spotting a pair of your cousin's shoes

“Yeah sure, thanks. And maybe I’ll change, I haven’t decided yet. You can though if you want to”

He walks away to get the drinks and you look at the pictures he has around, some of them are of the team and his friends. One of him in a military uniform with a group of people. Huh…that explains a little at least.

“So this is where I would be staying huh?” You smirk playfully as Eddie comes back into the living room, he hands you a bottle of tea and you crack it open. You turn away from the photos pretending you haven’t gotten that far.

“Yeah, I suppose it is” he chuckles. He motions with his bottle and you follow after him, he’s got a spare room, it’s a pretty decent size. “This would be your room… I mean if you wanted. I’d even give you the main if you wanted it”

You look around the room, it’s simple, bright, and airy. He says that and you whirl around “There’s no way in hell I’d take your bedroom from you! Especially if I was staying here”

He puts his hands up in defense and laughs lightly “Hey I’m an easygoing guy alright? I just want you to be comfortable- or no-. I would want you to be comfortable”

“Comfortable is this, Eddie. I wouldn’t take your bedroom away from you”

“Who knows,” he turns on his heel as he leaves the room “Maybe we can just share mine”

Your mouth drops open and you race after him “Hey! Hey, you get back here!”

Eddie refuses to acknowledge anything you say on the topic of what he just said, acting innocent and batting his eyelashes

“I think you’re hearing things” His voice was high-pitched and sweet. You shove him down onto the couch and sit next to him crossing your arms over your chest and huffing. It gets a few giggles out of him but he still doesn’t address it no matter how much you pout.

Eventually, like a toddler, you tire yourself out and just sit on the couch with him. There is a seat between you but it just feels like more than that. You pull your feet up on the couch and lay your head on the armrest staring at the SpongeBob episode on screen. The fish on screen is screaming about chocolate and you hear Eddie chuckle

“Are you joking?” You giggle as you turn your head to look at him

“This is literally classic SpongeBob. I'm not supposed to find it funny?” He asks, clearly wounded as he takes the throw blanket from the back of the couch, he opens his arm to you. “C’mere hater” he motions with his hand and you push up from the armrest, scooting across the mile-long seat in between the two of you and curling up into his side. He throws the blanket over the two of you and you grab onto his shirt.

“Yeah okay, I guess… I mean I still quote the paper skin thing so”

Eddie snickers as his hand lays on your thigh, he rubs soft, soothing circles, that send chills up your spine

“I’m like pretty sure Buck and I were literally just screaming chocolate last week anyway”

You cuddle together, watching SpongeBob for a few hours. It’s comforting and mind-numbing, it feels good to be in his arms. Eventually, you do take him up on his offer and he gives you a t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. You change into them and plop back down with him, his outfit almost identical. It’s around nine when he pulls out his phone and starts scrolling

“Chinese sound good?” He asks and you look up at him, your eyes a little sleepy

“For what”

“Dinner?” It sounds like a question more than an answer “I figured it’s been a while since we ate…and I didn’t go grocery shopping so like..-“

“Okay yeah, that sounds good. What’s your cash app?” You pull out your phone and he takes it from you immediately, tossing it across the couch

“Eddie!!”

“There’s no way in hell I’m letting you pay for it so just shut up and say thank you”

“Why didn’t you just not tell me your cash app??” You look at him, and he stops for a second, narrowing his eyes as he thinks.

“Mmm…yeah that was probably a better idea”

You sit up and snatch your phone from the other side of the couch, punching him in the side is a given, and then you lay back against him. He’s laid on the couch, his head comfortably resting on the pillows and you’re on top of him a bit, most of your body buried into the side of the couch.

He runs his fingers down your arm, just stroking it softly. It’s nice, it kinda tickles and you wriggle against him

“You know if I were to stay somewhere I wouldn’t mind if it was here. It’s pretty nice. You do a really good job taking care of your house”

Eddie’s heart flutters, and jumps and does like a roundhouse kick he’s not sure he just knows it’s going wild and he must have an entire butterfly farm in there cause god you’re making him all shy and giddy

“Oh? Well thanks that means a lot”

His voice is cool and even, even though he’s trying his best not to just squeeze the life out of you. Instead, he decides to squish the life out of you. He turns over and puts his arms and legs around you, you push at his chest and groan

“Eddie, you're squishing me! Get off!” Your voice is muffled as it’s buried in his chest

“Hmm my couch my rules, I’m pretty comfy right here” He purrs, holding onto you like a koala bear. You struggle underneath him until you finally give in. He’s warm and soft and overwhelms your senses, his cologne sticks to your body and you rarely wanna take this dress off

“Eddie get your fat butt off of me” you hiss and he snickers, wiggling his hips

“Wait, you think my butt is fat? Like what kinda fat? Like P-h-a-t? Or like is it Thicc with two C’s”

You’re laughing like a hyena into his chest as he goes about all the possible meanings and you slap his chest

“Double C’s maybe even triple when you’re in your work pants,” you tell him, winking dramatically

“That is literally the nicest damn compliment I have ever gotten in my entire life” He wipes a fake tear and rolls off of you, pulls you back onto him, and hugs you tightly to his chest

“Don’t worry, I like your ass too” His voice is so flirty and light. You feel his hands flow down your back, stopping just before they slide under the waistband of the basketball shorts. He easily turns his attention back toward the TV and you’re left a blushing mess on his chest.

Once the food arrives, you wander into the dining room with him, he goes to the kitchen, grabs a couple of bowls, and hands you one.

“You know most people just eat it right out of the carton,” You tell him as you spoon some rice into your bowl

“Yeah on tv maybe” he teases, using chopsticks to put an egg roll in your bowl “But we’re sharing”

You hold a piece of orange chicken up to his mouth and he takes it off your chopsticks “Yeah but how are we supposed to be cute and feed each other” you snicker and he rolls his eyes, chewing his bite

“Oh yeah because our diner experience wasn’t cute enough, holding hands at the table, stealing fries”

“Oh, so you wanted to be cute with me?” Your response is fast and cheeky and his mouth drops open

“I-Okay you know what, shut up and eat your egg roll!” He shoves your head away and you squeal laughing.

He lets you pick whatever you want to watch and you just continue with SpongeBob. You get comfy on the couch with him, your bowl in your lap as you eat together again.

“I realize now, that it’s been 650 hours… but did you ever text everyone back that we were okay?���

Eddie had texted everyone, he handled the entire storm for you, aka Buck’s 57 messages. Maddie was next in line with 34.

“Yeah of course, I told them you were okay too and just needed to shut your phone off” he scrolls through his phone for a second before showing you a picture, you’re staring out of the window of the diner. It’s a pretty picture, and surprisingly photogenic.

“Oh…Thanks” you say shyly, smiling softly at him, leaning you over, putting your head on his shoulder

“You’re the bestest friend a girl could have Eddie”

He kisses your head and lays his cheek on it “You’re welcome sugar cube, anything for you”

Eddie turns down the covers on the bed as you get ready in the bathroom. He smoothly asked you to stay the night… if awkwardly stumbling through his sentence and wringing his hands while dropping the bowl he was washing was smooth.

You’d agreed, giggling at him as you helped pick up the pieces. You said it was too late to be driving anyway and he was glad you agreed. Just a nice, happy, friendly, sleepover. A little tiny sleepover between best friends. “Bestest” she’d said.

You come out of the bathroom in just the t-shirt he’d lent you, you stuff your bra and dress into your mini backpack and put your hands on your hips

“Guess this’ll be a test drive huh?” You tease as you crawl into bed. He tucks you in and it makes you giggle when he leans down and kisses your head

“You know I am serious Y/N, if you need a place to stay my door is always open”

“I think I believe you…” You say quietly as he sits on the edge of your bed “But I just don’t know… it’s a big step, moving across the country. I- I don’t even have a job here and-“

“Hey don’t worry about that,” He says quietly shushing you “I can… I can take care of you”

You look up at him, your cheeks flushed “What are you, my sugar daddy?” you joke as you pull the covers up higher on your neck. He snickers and gets off the bed, going to the door

“Yeah sure I’m totally sugar daddy material” he snorts, his hand pauses on the light switch

“Just….just think about it okay?”

You nod at him, blushing “Yeah okay Eddie… I will.”

He shuts off the lights and closes the door, you’re plunged into darkness…alone with your thoughts.

It’s a couple of hours before your brain finally slows down…Eddie wants you to move in with him? Or at least he’s willing to let you. And like….he wants to take care of you… that’s. That’s fun. What a good friend, what an amazing friend.

Friend.

That word is getting kinda interesting, and used incredibly loosely at this point. Eddie isn’t your boyfriend…he’s your friend but like…. What if he was your boyfriend?

You frown, no. No, it’s not time to think like that, it's time to sleep.

Your eyes pop open angrily. Now it’s three in the morning and this is getting stupid. Maybe it’s because it’s pitch black? That seems reasonable, you’re used to a nightlight. Not that you wish he was there with you no sir, not that.

Not even that you’re kind of freezing… and he certainly wouldn’t want you to freeze to death…

“Eddie? Are you awake?” You ask quietly, poking your head through his door. You can see him in bed, the moonlight streaming through the bedroom window. He stirs a little and turns over

“Yeah” his voice is deep and raspy with sleep “I’m awake sugar cube, is everything okay?”

“Did I wake you?” You step into his room, shutting the door.

“I mean… yeah but I don’t wanna say it” he snickers, sitting up in bed. You pad over softly and climb in with him. You climb over him messily and he rolls his eyes as you slip under the covers. You lay on the other side of the bed, facing him. He lays down and faces you

“Hi”

“Hi”

You smile softly “Just thought you could use some company”

“Aren’t you so thoughtful?” He teases, reaching out for you. You shyly shuffle into his arms, your head resting on his chest

“This okay?” He asks quietly, you can hear his heart beating and it’s soothing. His bare chest is soft against your cheek.

“Uh huh… it’s nice”

“Yeah it is, isn’t it? He whispers into your hair. It doesn’t take long for you both to fall asleep. He didn’t even bother asking why you were there; he just knew he wanted you there. It had been a while since anyone had warmed his bed, and he hadn’t realized how deep the craving was until you were safely nestled in his arms. Friends was starting to become a very useless word, very quickly

And that didn’t bother him one bit.

[sturnsluttz]

New Years✨~Matt Sturniolo

SUMMARY: When at a New Year’s party you drunkly joke with your guy bsf about him kissing you at midnight, when the kiss actually happens to both of their surprise it doesn’t stop there.

WARNINGS: Bff!Matt x reader, Smut, P in V, Drinking, porn with plot, parties, drunk sex, bathroom sex idk there’s not much else

A/N: This is my first fanfic on here so sorry it took ages!! Hope you enjoyy💋💋 There’s also a shit ton of POV switches and time skips in this so plz bear with me, I tried my best to make it make sense😩😩

Intro

y/n had been looking forward to this New Years party her friend Maddie was hosting for weeks now. All her friends were going including her roommates and favourite people ever, Nick, Matt and Chris. She had spent all morning shaving her body as if someone was going to see her naked (lol someone did) and picking out an outfit. She choose a black, strapless pin stripe mini dress with a zip all the way down the front and hugged her in all the right places, she had been dying to wear it somewhere and tonight was the perfect occasion.

When the time actually got close to when the party was starting y/n got dressed and did her makeup, cute and glittery ofc. As she was straightening her hair she heard a knock on her ensuite door, “come in” she said too focused on not burning her hair off to look. The door creaked open and standing there was Matt “You nearly ready y/n?” He said watching her from behind practically gagging over how short her dress was. “Yup!” y/n said pulling the last strand of hair through the straightener while turning to face Matt. His eyes widened “holy shit you look great” he muttered, his cheeks flushing a light shade of pink while looking her up and down “thanks” y/n giggled back in a desperate attempt to not make it awkward.

(General POV)

You turned to follow Matt down the stairs and out the front door into the boys car, sitting in the back seat with Nick “wow love the outfit” he said as you buckled yourself in “thanks Nicky” you said with a grin, “Ew don’t say Nicky” he replied, “grow up” you laughed back at him.

Matt parked the car outside Maddie’s house as you all got up and headed inside, you were greeted by multiple friends who you could already tell had a bit to drink. The triplets never drunk witch I guess you liked, you always had someone to look after you at parties. You drank with friends and stuff but always tried to keep your dignity . But today was going to be one of those drinking occasions where you allowed yourself to let loose (maybe a lil too much) so you grabbed your first beverage of the night.

(Time skip 2 hours)

You were about 6 drinks in and feeling woozy but your friends were all having fun and so were you. You and Maddie had been dancing to The Weeknd for what felt like forever and your feet were aching. As you threw you arms back and forth holding hands and giggling, Matt looking over at you with a smirk caught your eye. He was sitting on a couch with Nate watching you, clearly entertained by your stupid moves. You knew parties weren’t particularly his scene but the grin on his face made you think he wasn’t having the worst time. You turned back to Maddie “gimme a sec girly ima just go talk to Matt” she smiled back at you slurred sentence, “ok cya”. You waddled over to Matt as he giggled at your lack of coordination collapsing right in between him and Nate. “Heyyyyy Natee” you grinned at him kindly hinting for him to leave, “consider me gone” he smirked back standing up and leaving to go find Chris. “You alright?” Matt questioned jokingly “I’m greatttt” you dragged out “I can see that” he laughed. “So you gonna be my New Years kiss Matty?” You said now very clearly drunk “uuhhhh” he muttered with an awkward smile, “we’ll see” he managed to reply “I guess we will” you said back with slightly too much confidence, chucking your legs over his knees with your thighs resting on his. He chucked putting his arm over your shoulder pulling you in, grabbing a cushion with his other hand placing it in your lap not wanting you to accidentally flash anyone.

Time skip (countdown to midnight)

Everyone at the party all starred at the tv livestream of the NYC ball drop as you chanted together “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy new year!” You turned to face Matt ignoring the significantly loud cheering who was standing close with his arm around you, essentially holding your full body weight up, “So that kiss?” You questioned with a smirk “Your drunk y/n, but only because I don’t wanna leave you hanging” he replied cupping your face and pulling you into a friendly kiss (well as friendly as a kiss on the lips can be). His lips quickly parted yours not wanting to make it awkward “thanks” you giggled, slowly pulling your face away from his, reaching to wipe off the lipgloss you printed on him.

Time skip (an hourish later)

About half of your friends were asleep on couches or mattresses in Maddies lounge, the other half scattered throughout the house still awake and chatting. You were sprawled across a couch wrapped in a blanked as you lay on your side siping a beer, your head propped up by your hand. “There’s no space left, can I sleep on the couch with you?” Said Matt suddenly standing over you, “shit you scared me” you jolted, not realising he was even there. “Yeah, you can I don’t mind” you continued, answering his question “Thanks” he responded climbing in behind you placing one hand around your waist. “You ready to sleep yet party girl?” Matt asked smiling at you, “ehh” you replied still feeling pretty awake and equally boozed. You lent forward and plopped your beer on the ground below the couch and swivelled to face Matt.

(Matt’s POV)

y/n’s dialated drunken eyes stared at me as a shock of nerves hit my entire body. I never felt this way around her before, it was weird. I’ve known y/n since middle school and although I’ve sorta always had a thing for her tonight was different, it felt like something actually might happen between us. Trapped in my thoughts staring in her eyes I hadn’t realised the concerningly obvious bulge in my pants. “Matt are you hard?” y/n cackled sounding equally shocked and amused, “uuuh…um” I managed to spit out having absolutely no idea what to say as blood rushed to my face. “Bathroom?” y/n said bluntly suggesting what I dreamed of for years, “What?! No y/n your drunk, we can’t” I stated no matter how much I wanted to. “Matt please” she whined. I knew how drunk she was because although y/n was a decently confident person, she was never this bold. “y/n are you sure?” I replied giving in to her desperate look “Yesss, let’s goooo” she said, clearly sick of my questioning.

(General POV)

You clambered up from the couch as Matt eagerly followed, wrapping a hand around your hip to keep you stable. Pretty much everyone was asleep now and the house was noticeably darker and quieter. You both walked (or stumbled) down the hall together towards the main bathroom, Matt knocked on the closed door and pushed it open after the brief moment of silence.

(Matt POV)

I quickly shut the door behind y/n, my dick now painfully hard. “y/n if you want me to stop or you get uncomfortable or anything please tell me” I stated already not feeling great about the fact that I was going to fuck her while she was severely drunk. She looked back at me with a quick nod. I wrapped one hand around her waist, the other at the back of her neck pulling her close to me. “Can I kiss you?” I questioned desperately despite knowing the answer. Without saying anything she met my lips with hers, the kiss rapidly turning to an aggressive sloppy make out.

(General POV)

Matt swiftly moved both hands to your ass, without breaking the kiss. Both of yours resting on his shoulders as he picked you up, his hands moving under your thighs. You could feel his boner against your heat as he moved you, placing you gently on the bench next to the sink. “One sec let me find a condom” he spoke in a breathless tone, breaking the kiss as he rummaged desperately through the bathroom drawers. Finding one and placing it on the bench Matt eagerly went back to kissing you before pulling his shirt over his head, “Can I take this off” he spoke staring up at you, tugging at the zip of your dress. You nodded as he pulled the zipper all the way down, delicately tossing the fabric to the ground, leaving you in just a lacey bra and panties. He breathed heavily scanning you up and down, memorising each inch of your body.

Your hands moved swiftly to the waistband of his pants, Matt quickly getting the idea and tugging them off, pooling at his ankles before kicking them aside. You could now very clearly see his fully hard dick, Matt looked up at your face noticing your mildly nervous expression. He was big, and considering you had only fucked like 2 other guys, you were now significantly less confident in your abilities. “Hey it’s ok, we’ll take it slow ok?” He said reassuring you, his puppy eyes washing away your concerns.

Matt moved back towards you placing is hand back on your waist, his long fingers intertwined with the sides of your panties. His free hand trailed up the other side of your body moving behind you and resting over the clasp of your bra. Matt’s face lent down placing a soft kiss on your collarbone as you threw your head back. He continued leaving kisses across your neck moving down to the tops of your tits exposed by your bra. His fingers un clasped it from behind in a quick nearly unnoticeable motion, pulling it off and chucking it on the floor behind him now leaving your boobs fully exposed. He continued to kiss further down before stopping, going back up to your lips. His tongue immediately fought with yours hungrily exploring your mouth, to hungrily for you to bother trying to fight back. Both Matt’s hands now moved up your body squeezing your tits as a gentle moan escaped your mouth. His hands tauntingly moved back down to the waistband of your last piece of clothing tugging at them. He broke the kiss making eye contact with you, silently asking for your permission (which you granted) and pulling them off leaving you fully exposed to his stare. In a combination of not wanting you make you uncomfortable and pure horny desire he also pulled off his boxers, his dick springing out and somehow looking even bigger than it did before.

“One sec” he said grabbing the condom and putting it on. You knew Matt had been with girls before, and you knew he wasn’t a virgin because of how long you’d been friends, so you trusted he knew what he was doing even though you were still drunk out of your mind. Once matt had the condom on he pulled you forward, so you were sitting of the very edge of the cold bench. “Ready?” He questioned before letting himself do anything, “mhm, gentle remember” you said shyly, still confused on how it was going to fit, “course” he responded in a husky tone. Matt held his cock lining it with your entrance, holding onto your hips to stabilise you as he slowly pushed his tip in. You were embarrassingly wet already but he didn’t say anything, not wanting to humiliate you. “Mhmf…your tight y/n” Matt mumbled, you whimpered at the pain of him stretching you out, your insides felt like they were burning and your stomach fluttered at the feeling of him inside you. Your arms hung loosely around his neck in an attempt to stop yourself from collapsing on the spot. “You ok?” Matt questioned before going any further, you could only muster enough strength to give him a weak but desperate nod, signalling him to continue. Matt moaned bottoming out shoving the rest of his dick inside you, as you buried your head into the crook of his neck muffling your pathetic and continuous whimpers. “Let me hear you baby” you held your head to look at Matt through your heavy lids who was smirking down at you, before he continued. “Let me know when I can start moving”, “mmfh now” you whined your hands now gripping his shoulders.

Matt slowly began moving in and out of your pussy as the stretching pain quickly switched to pleasure, he moaned lowly as he began to thrust at a steady pace “faster” you whimpered, “yes ma’am” he huffed in your ear as you wrapped your legs around him pushing him deeper into you. Matt’s hand gripped at your waist leaving red marks, looking down at them and back up at you as you whimpered with each thrust. You felt his dick throughout every inch of your cunt, him filling you out perfectly. “Mmf Matt your so big” you muttered through corse breaths, “I know baby” Matt whispered, leaving hickeys across your neck while keeping his threatening pace.

You began to feel the knot in your stomach tighten as he repeatedly hit the spot that made your stomach twirl a little bit extra pushing you closer to your climax. You were to fucked out to even form a decent sentence, tears welling in your tense eyes, so “mfph close” was all you could get out. “I know sweetheart” he grinned down at you, your eyes shot up at his cocky yet somewhat sweet response, “I am too” he muttered. His hand left the spot glued to your hip and down to your cit, rubbing harsh circles that made your eyes roll back, pushing you over the edge, you squealed his name as your orgasm hit you, your walls clenching around him. You panted quickly trying to recover from your high as Matt whispered praises into your ear. “Just a little longer baby” he spoke “you’re doing so well for me”, all you could do was nod back at him through your thick dark lashes.

One last forceful thrust hit you as you felt Matt finished, burying his face into your shoulder “You were amazing” he spoke, still resting inside you “thanks” you giggled back to him. He paused briefly before trying to pull out, you were so sensitive your arms immediately grabbed his, stopping him “you ok?” He questioned “just gimme a sec, I’m sensitive” you tiredly spoke, resting into his chest. His hands returned to their reddened spot on you hips “take all the time you need” he responded.

-ari🍸💋

This is high key rlly long but I hope u didn’t get bored lol-Plz interact so Ik if y’all like this🫶

Divider Creds: @bernardsbendystraws

[petrichor-idyllic]

Hi Petri, soooo I just finished Dead man walking and already (not that soon though, cause I know you have many requests to get through) need a part 2 because this is my new favorite thing, I love it, you did amazing (as always <3).

You can do whatever you want for part 2 but I wish you could do a little scene where the reader is trying to figure something about her job out and Gally is there just staring at her, and how beautiful she looks when concentrated,and they're just flirting and having fun. Also please do a lot of Fry teasing them because I absolutely love it.

Yes, absolutely, I can.

Love my boy Gally.

Sorry I've been MIA.

DEAD MAN WALKING PT. 2

MASTERLIST | GALLY MASTERLIST

PART 1 | PART 2

SUMMARY: See above. Continuation from part 1. Time skip to the Safe Haven.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, Frypan bullying Gally, awkward tension, you not being sure what to do with yourself, reference to Chuck's death. WICKED being WCKD because movie. Newt's dead. Rip.

The past few weeks have been a blur of chaos and emotion.

You'd arrived at the Safe Haven. But, you were the only person left from the rebels.

Lawrence stormed the City, destroying and setting fire to everything, which was not the plan. And not something you agreed with.

You'd split off and made your own way through the City, managing to bump into Gally on his way to their escape ship. His group had taken some blows.

They'd lost Newt to the Flare. Teresa got swallowed by a burning building. Thomas had been shot. Minho had been deeply traumatised at WCKD's hands.

Life hadn't been easy on these kids. But at least they're safe now.

And so are you, even if you're permanently having some kind of identity crisis due to too much free time and losing your rebellious means.

But, hey, you've still got Gally, at least.

Well, sort of.

Things have been painful awkward since your kiss in the Last City.

It's no one's fault in particular. You've been moving a hundred miles an hour your entire life, and now you get shouted at for finishing your work too quickly, and you're not really sure how to deal with people when you're not bossing them around or being bossed around.

And, Gally is just generally terrible at feelings.

It's actually mildly concerning, sometimes.

Which has led to a weirdly tense friendship where neither of you really know what you're doing.

It's a painful watch.

And you kinda sorta forgot that Gally is still a slightly awkward teenage boy with no experience with women.

It's definitely an experience; but on the bright side, you've become an honorary Glader. Sure, you don't understand the slang still, and you have to remember to not ask too much about the Maze or some of the people because you'll be met with several PTSD induced panic attacks. But, you've befriended them.

Minho is funny and sarcastic and incredibly tough.

Frypan is sweet, and also kind of funny. And he's an excellent cook despite what the other boys say.

Thomas is bold and determined, even taking a bit of a leadership role alongside Vince - even after his well-deserved break.

And whilst Brenda and Jorge aren't quite Gladers, you also like them quite a bit. Jorge reminds you of Lawrence in a way. He's rebellious and bold, but instead of cold and occasionally terrifying, he's funny and fraternal. And Brenda is kind of like you in a way, except she's playful. Which you have severely been lacking in the last few years of your life.

Yet, despite integrating into his friend group, his new home, his daily life - yours and Gally's relationship is still at a weird standstill.

So, you've decided to dive into work. Helping Vince is an easy way to clear your mind, and helping out people who've suffered under WCKS's hands is kind of your speciality.

You prepare blankets, clean, help Frypan in the kitchen, help with building plans, settle petty disputes; you name it, you do it.

And that's something Gally has always admired about you.

"Oi, shank, you're starin' again." Frypan says, snickering as he sits next to Gally, the light from the flames bouncing off his face.

Bonfires are an almost nightly occurrence at the Safe Haven. A celebration of their freedom and security. But, it's a bittersweet experience for the remaining Gladers. Memories of happier times dance in the fires of community. They always thought escaping the Maze would be the end, but they often find themselves remembering simpler times.

You don't share the same heartfelt irony.

"I'm not starin'." Gally grumbles back, yet his eyes still linger on you.

You walk around, handing out drinks and occasionally adding to the fire, making small talk; mainly with Vince, Thomas, and Brenda. You also occasionally take grimances sips of Gally's special brew - another festivity bought from the remains of the Maze.

"Uh huh, sure you aren't." Frypan chuckles as he sips his drink, a beat passing between the boys. "I don't get it. You guys kissed. Like, you kissed an actual girl. And now... what?"

Gally sighs, dropping his head as he speaks in a grumbled tone. "I... I don't know, man. She's... she was my boss. She saved my life. You know she found me in the Maze and-"

"And did everything to patch you up. Took you under her wing. Yeah, yeah, we know, we get it." Frypan rolls his eyes, knowing the story off by heart. "You clearly care about her, so why not actually doing something about it?"

"She hasn't done anything about it."

"Uh, yeah, she did."

"When?"

"When she shuckin' kissed you, slinthead."

Gally falls silent for a moment, eyes landing back on you. It's everything about you; your hair, your eyes, your smile, the way you hold yourself, your passion - everything.

"...I don't wanna shuck it up, Fry."

Frypan's eyes land on his friend, the teasing tone slipping away as he looks at him. "Huh? What do you mean?"

Gally anxiously taps his foot, eyes lingering on you again. He looked at you like you were a Goddess and him a feeble insect, blessed to be in your mere presence.

"Gally?" Frypan presses him, brows starting to furrow in worry.

Gally has never been good with words. He's aggressive, and scary, and dangerous. Even if he has learnt to forgive and become more humble thanks to you, it's not like he's become an expert at this. And now he has...

Feelings.

Ew.

He sighs, running his fingers through his short hair. "...I messed everything up back in the Maze. I was scared, and I acted on my own. I tried to hurt you guys, and I..." He trails off, the sound of the gunshot and Chuck hitting the floor still burnt into the back of his retinas. He shakes his head, clearing his throat. "I don't wanna mess this up, too."

Frypan looks at him for a few seconds, before smacking him on the back of the head.

"Klunk-! Fry! What the shuck, man?" Gally grumbles as he rubs the back of his head.

"Are you hearing yourself, shank?" Frypan leans forward on his knees. "That girl over there brought you back from the dead. She saw the potential in you and made it work. Without you, we would've never been able to save Minho, we would've never stopped WCKD - hell, we probably wouldn't even have made it here, man. Get a grip. You ain't that same sissy that spent his time buggin' out around the Glade, terrified of change. You're a hero and a rebell who risked his life for change."

Gally looks at his friend, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"And the only way that you're shucking this up, is if you sit you shank-ass here and do nothing." Frypan continues, letting the statement hang in the air for several moments.

Gally nods, churning the words over in his head.

"I'm right. Am I right, or am I right?" Frypan grins.

Gally snorts, shaking his head slightly. "You're right."

"'Course I shuckin' am." Frypan grins, patting his long-time friend's back. "Now, are you gonna sit here, wasting your breath yappin' my ear off - or are you gonna go get your girl?"

Gally struggles to hide the smile playing on his lips.

His girl.

He likes the sound of that.

"I'm gonna get my girl."

Whilst Gally gets his heart to heart (lecture) from Frypan, you've taken to cleaning up cups and desperately trying to stop drunk people from falling over. It's not a pleasant way to spend your evening, but it takes your mind off your boredom and constant speculation about your relationship with Gally.

"Hey, Boss." The familiar voice pulls you away from your thoughts, landing on the broad boy.

"I told you you don't have to call me Boss anymore, Gally." You roll your eyes slightly, continuing to pick up glasses.

"Yeah, sorry, force of habit." Gally rocks on his heels, anxiously looking at you.

"...You good?"

"Uh, yeah - uh, can we talk?" You raise an eyebrow at his words, a bubble starting to form in the pit of your stomach. "Like.. in private?"

"Sure. 'Course. Uh, wanna walk along the beach?"

"Yeah." He smiles slightly. "Sounds good."

You put the glasses you've collected down, nodding for him to follow you as you both head towards the waves, starting to wander as the waves just miss lapping up your feet.

Gally doesn't look at you for a while. His eyes fixed on the endless sand ahead of him; it's a heavy silence.

You don't push him. Sure, you spent months pushing him to his full potential. But when it came to talking, it was better to let Gally take his time.

After about ten minutes of walking, he finally takes a deep breath. "So, uh... I spoke to Fry.."

"Oh, yeah? What did he have to say this time?"

"He basically called me a useless slinthead." He chuckles dryly, glancing at you.

"Slinthead? That's like a dickhead, right?" He grins slightly; you're still getting used to the dumb slang of the Glade - it really doesn't help that every group of Maze escapees has their own set of personal curse words.

"Yeah, basically." He chuckles.

"...why'd he call you a dickhead? Sorry- slinthead."

He can't help but shake his head at you, that smile still on his face. "Well, uh, I've been a massive diaper-klunkin' sissy, basically."

You blink. What the fuck does that even mean?

He laughs at your confusion before composing himself, stopping to look at you, which makes you stop, too. You face him, brows furrowed slightly as nervousness starts to feel heavy through your inside.

"...remember before the Last City fell? When you kissed me?"

You freeze, embarrassment heating your face as you'd began to start cringing at the memory when you fall asleep. "Honestly, I thought you'd forgotten that." You attempt to joke to lighten some of the tension.

He scoffs. "Yeah... I've been a bit of an idiot." He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just... I was worried about ruining things between us, yanno? I'm so used to messy everything up and-"

"You don't mess everything up." You interject, immediately prepared to defend him against himself.

"Yeah - I know; Frypan already gave me the lecture." He grimaces slightly, almost like he's cringing at himself. "But... I like you. Like, I really shuckin' like you. And... we're safe here. I wanna stop being such a pussy and just..."

It takes a second to sink in what he's saying, your skin feels warm and tingly, butterflies erupting in your stomach. "...just?"

"...I just wanna ask you if... you'd... like to be my girlfriend?" His confidence falters with every word, voice raising in pitch, scrunching his face as he finishes his question in embarrassment. "That sounded shuckin' awkward." He sighs. "Listen-"

You don't listen, because he has no time to speak. Adrenaline takes over as you step towards him, hand coming to cup his cheek as you press your lips against his once again.

The kiss is short and sweet as you pull away, meeting his half-lidded eyes and wide grin. "Take that as a yes?"

"Yes, Gally, I'd love to be your girlfriend. Took you fuckin' long enough."

He snorts. "Yeah, yeah." He leans back in, kissing you again, this time deeper and with more passion, his fingers creeping around the back of your head and into your hair.

"Shuck yeah!" Both of you pull away from each other, seeing Frypan shouting from half way down the beach. "Told you she's your girl!"

You look at Gally. "The fuck is he on about?"

So, I'm back.

"...Don't worry about it."

Again.

And back with a part 2, nonetheless. Sorry for vanishing, lads, I've had some wicked lack of motivation and I feel like a bit of a dick about it.

Yanno... since it's been literal months.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed :))

[deuxcherise]

Collar Crimes: All Bark, No Bite (2/2)

C/w: Unhealthy relationship dynamic | Unhealthy behavior | Dubcon / Noncon (All PG, don't worry… well it’s Yandere PG) | Yandere | Yandere Female and Male OCs | Gender Neutral Reader | Harem x Reader | ANGST | Swearing | Includes a pic of a pair of golden rings for reference (you’ll see why~)

A/n: So this is the second half! This half isn’t as happy as the first one. Tryna make people feel the angst, you feel me? Haha, just kidding. This half is more sad though, and it kind of does have a long conversation scene near the end. Characters go a little crazy... Uh, what else? Oh, I highly recommend you read the first half of Part 3 before this half so that it makes sense. Also if this is the first time you’ve come across this series, I highly recommend you should start from Part 1 or Part 0. Enjoy~

TL;DR? Basically sad half of Part 3. Read Part 3 (1/2) first to make sense. If first time here, read Part 0 or Part 1. Enjoy~

Masterlist | Part 3 (1/2), Part 3 (2/2) (you’re here!), Part 4

It has been five months since you and Lyn started dating. She had told you to be prepared, but you would have never dreamed of being prepared for this.

“I love you I love you I love you…”

She repeats those three words as she nuzzles your neck and hugs you from behind, sitting on the couch. You tremble on her lap.

Your phone dings on the table, and your heart skips a beat when she suddenly becomes quiet. She lifts her head from your neck. Before you can grab your phone, she snatches it quickly and unlocks your phone. It's a text message from one of your ex-coworkers who is getting worried you aren't replying lately.

“Lyn… Honey?” you carefully say. “I-I need to answer that.”

You slowly reach for your phone, only for Lyn to push you out of her lap and stand up, holding the phone out of range. Her face is stone cold, her eyes narrow and sharp.

“... You know what? … This thing is starting to annoy me. I think… I think I know what I should do, ” Lyn says, with a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. “For the both of us.”

She then walks over to the balcony. The hairs stand up on your skin as you realize what she's about to do. You quickly get off the couch and rush to her, hands out. “No no no no no-”

Lyn chucks the phone over the rail.

You run towards the rail, hand gripping the metal as you watch it fall sixteen floors down. You turn and scream at her, “Why?”

She meets your eyes, unaffected. “(Y/n), I love you… so much.”

You freeze, as the whole situation dawns on you.

She spoiled you with presents, took you out on all kinds of dates, made you feel comfortable with her, made you think it was okay to live with her since you were spending time at her house more than yours, let her dress you however she wanted to, let her have her way with you whenever she wanted, locked you inside her house 24/7 with surveillance all over the place and even the bathroom, and now this?

“You don't love me…” you whisper.

Shock fills Lyn's face upon hearing your words, mouth agape. She looks away, as if there must be a camera somewhere, and then looks back at you. “What did you say?”

The more it dawns on you, the more you start repeating over and over like a broken record.  “You don’t love me. You don’t love me. You don’t love me. You–”

“(Y/n), what are you saying?” Lyn yells, grabbing your shoulders and shaking you. “Do you hear yourself?”

“I said, You. Don't. Love. Me!” you scream in her face. You shake your head. “This isn't love! Maybe it was at first, but not… this! This is… This is obsession!”

Lyn flinches and stares at you in disbelief. She lets go of you, places her hands on her hips and looks up at the sky, unable to understand why you're being like this.

…..

After a few long moments, she then closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and looks back down at you with her usual soft eyes. The ones that made you think everything will be alright if you stay by her side. Those lovesick puppy eyes. It makes you want to forgive her, even though you know you can't.

“I know… that you don’t love me,” she starts off, voice uneven as tears start to form in her eyes, her hands at her side. “And I know… that you will...” She closes her eyes and pauses for a moment to collect herself, “never… ever tell me that you love me. I… haha… I probably messed up, right? Ah… But you know what?” She opens her eyes again. “I think… I think I can live with that. As long as you're mine, I can live with that.”

You watch her reach into her pants pocket and bring out a velvet box. You think it’s another present, another bribe, but instead when she opens it, there are two golden rings nestled together. She takes them, throws the box behind without a care, places one ring on her left ring finger, and then closes the distance between you two to grab your left hand.

“W-what are you doing?” you screech, clawing at her hand.

“Hold still. This is for the both of us.”

Struggle all you want, she successfully places the ring on your ring finger. She then grabs your other wrist and takes a knee, just like when she first asked you out. She gazes lovingly into your terrified eyes, with all her twisted obsession, and begs,

“Marry me. Please.”

-----🔔-----

[Present day…]

Lyn walks down the street, fiddling with the golden band on her left ring finger. She smiles gently yet sorrowfully. The moment she walks up the bar, she puts on her serious mask at the sight of a stranger standing beside her boss’s father.

Ollie’s father, a man of a few words, nods towards Lyn as a greeting. Lyn nods back. “... Mr. Panthera, good evening. Is this-”

“Eris,” the stranger responds, holding out his hand. “I’ll be taking over Mr. Panthera once I’ve trained for a week. Nice to finally meet you… Lyn. Heard a lot of great things about you.”

Lyn shakes his hand, somehow feeling something’s off. “... Likewise. You’re Ollie’s friend, correct?”

Eris drops Lyn’s hand, a little forcefully. “His best friend, yeah~”

“... Ah.”

Ollie’s father huffs with satisfaction. Eris salutes the old man with a smile, and Lyn nods again, before the old man enters the bar to join his son. Lyn takes her position at the door. Eris stands beside her, with his hands behind his back.

Lyn raises an eyebrow. “... You can go home now.”

“Mm… “ Eris sucks in air through his teeth. “Yeah, I know… but I think I’ll stay just a little longer. To observe how you do things. That okay?”

Lyn shrugs. “... Suit yourself.”

Being the bouncer for the current shift, Lyn greets the guests as Eris observes. Ollie’s bar, The Cat’s Meow, is quite exclusive to a select few VIPs in the country. There is never a lot of activity, but there is always a lot of dough coming in just enough to keep it open.

An hour into Lyn's shift, when there’s no one around except for the sound of crickets, Eris finally breaks the silence.

“I see you have a ring on your left ring finger. You married?” he asks, stretching his arms above his head.

Lyn takes a deep breath. “... Yes.”

“Ohhh~ How lucky. How long have you been married?”

“... Six years now.”

Eris whistles in amazement. “That's pretty long. Congratulations.”

“... Thank you.”

“You must love your spouse a lot to be married that long, huh?”

“... I do.”

…..

The corner of Eris's mouth twitches. “... You know… Uh… You're a pretty dry conversationalist, huh?” Eris comments.

“... So I've heard.”

Eris nods understandably. “Okay… Well! I, too, have a lover waiting for me at home. I took this job so that I can show off my manly side, ya know? Show that I can provide, be a member of society, and not just use up all my inheritance.”

“... Good for you.”

“Mm hm! Mm hm! Hey, since you've been married for so long, could you give me some advice? Like how did you get your lover to marry you? Mine's not so keen on getting married, ya know? They’re kind of a hard nut to crack.”

Lyn pads her ring with her thumb. “... You shouldn't force your lover to marry you… especially if they don't want to.”

“I know, right~? So I told my lover that we could elope instead. They aren't really big on labels either, ya know? Honestly, I’m pretty okay with anything, really, as long as we're together. Exclusively.”

Memories of you fill her mind as she asks, “... Won't you… start to resent them… for not loving you back the way you want them to… after a while? Won't you go insane… thinking they might leave you for someone else?”

Eris thinks about it for a moment. “Mmm… Nah. I’m pretty confident in my ability to love them for as long as it takes. I’ve dealt with a lot of bullshit since I was a kid, ya know? For my lover… I can wait forever if that’s what they need.”

Lyn lets out a heavy sigh. “... Be careful then. Leave them before you start to hurt them.”

Eris scoffs, amused. “Speaking from experience?”

Lyn flinches. “... No.”

Eris checks her reaction, raising an eyebrow. “Huh, that's interesting. Didn't know Ollie hired a psycho for a bouncer.”

Lyn grits her teeth at Eris's audacity. “Excuse me?”

“You’re excused.”

…..

“... You got a bone to pick or something?”

“Yeah, just a little bit.”

Lyn blinks multiple times in disbelief. “What do you want?”

Eris sucks in through his teeth, tilting his weight between the balls and heels of his feet. “You own the buildings around the intersection between 7th and 8th, right?”

Lyn doesn't want to question how he knew. “... What's it to you? You looking to buy?”

“Yeah, exactly!”

She scoffs. “Sorry, not for sale.”

“Ehhhh? Why not? Look, I have the money,” he insists. “I can even wire it to you today. What’s your number.”

“No.”

“Was it my comments earlier? Sorry, was just sizing you up is all.”

“Still no.”

“Oh, c'monnn,” he whines.

“No.”

“Please please please?”

“No.”

“Tch. You remind me of my lover.”

“Huh?”

“Obviously,” Eris explains, “You could never compare to them. It’s just that I offer money and gifts and they're always like ‘No’. I love them so much, but I wish they’d let me spoil them a bit, ya know?”

“... Good. They know what they want. Stop annoying them,” Lyn advises, exasperated from this conversation.

“Mm, nah. I wouldn't say I annoy them,” Eris says, thoughtfully. “My lover's kind of a tsundere, if I think about it. I give them a hug, they tell me to stop hugging them, I continue to hug them, and then they just give up and let me. I'm pretty sure they enjoy my perseverance.”

Lyn pities whoever has the misfortune of being this guy's lover. “... Wow, good for you.”

“Yeah… so I'm looking to buy from you just one of the apartments on 7th and 8th. My lover lives there and honestly the landlord there is doing such a shit job making sure they're safe. D’ya know how many criminals I've had to take care of every time I visit my lover? My god, where’s all of that trash coming from…?”

Lyn thinks about the crime reports she received about the area around that building lately. It couldn’t possibly be this guy's doing, could it? One small guy… Impossible. Curious, she asks, “...Which one?”

“The red building.”

….

There's no way, right? Lyn thinks. “... What a coincidence. My… spouse… happens to live in that building too.”

“Really?” He whistles. “Wow… small world.”

…..

“So, can I buy it from you?”

“No.”

“Ugh, fine!” Eris sighs. “You know what I think?”

“.....” Lyn looks up at the night sky, uninterested.

“Hey.”

“.....”

“Hey!”

“.....”

“Lyn?”

“.....”

“Mutt?”

She lets out a sigh. “... What?” she responds, annoyed.

Eris smirks. “I think you should give up the ‘married’ shtick. It's kind of lame.”

Lyn’s head whips towards Eris. “... Excuse me?”

“You’re excused,” Eris replies with a shrug. “We both know you're not married. You've got this…” Eris gestures to all her with a circular motion with a hand. “Sad puppy who got kicked to the curb look.”

“You think I’m not married because I look like sad puppy?”

“Nah. Actually, did some research on you before I came here, so I know damn well for a fact you’re not married.”

Lyn shakes her head in disbelief. “... Ah, so that’s how you know. And you called me a psychopath earlier.”

“I call it for what it is.”

“Huh. Then, I guess it's true when they say that it takes one to know one.”

“Hah! Yeah… Listen, I don't really want anything to do with you, but you're standing in my way.”

“... What do you mean?”

Before Eris can answer, Ollie walks up to the bar’s entrance, giggling with the most maniacal grin on his face, like the cat that got the cream. Upon seeing the two, he stops and waves.

“Boss,” Lyn greets with a nod. “Good evening.”

“Ollie!” Eris greets happily before asking, “Why are you outside?”

Ollie can't contain his giddiness as he waves them off. “Ah, don’t mind me. I'm going inside. Hehehe. Goodnight, you two. Stay safe when you go home tonight.”

After Ollie's goes inside, Eris prompts Lyn with, “Hey, why do you wear a ring if you're not married?”

Lyn looks at her ring, gleaming from the light of the streetlamp. “... What does it matter to you?”

“Could you just answer the question, lady?”

Lyn sighs and rolls her eyes. If it'll get him to stop with this stupid conversation, she might as well comply. “Fine. If you really must know, it's because it's a reminder. A reminder of how much I loved them. Loved them so much I wanted to be with them forever and always. Loved them too much until it hurt them. Loved them too much to let them go completely from my heart–”

“Look, I was asking for a short answer. Not a whole poem,” Eris cuts in. “Jeez, don’t you know how to talk to people?”

Lyn has half a mind to beat this guy up. “You asked for an answer, and you got one.”

“Sure, but you’re not together anymore, right?”

There is a sharp pang in Lyn's heart. “... Yeah. We aren't… together… anymore. This ring… is all I- huh?”

By the time Lyn had notices, Eris had already left. Lyn lets out an exhausted sigh. What’s with that guy??

-----🔔-----

It was a short walk from the bar to the city parking garage, and all the while Eris had his hands in his pants pocket. One of them fingers an item in his pocket, as he analyzes the whole conversation with Lyn.

Once he reaches his car in the city parking garage, he pulls out the item and looks at it, rolling it between his fingers.

A golden ring. Engraved in Latin with the words for “Love you forever and always” on the outside. He looted from your house during one of many nights he stayed over, without your knowledge. It matches the one Lyn is wearing. One half of a couple’s rings, he assumes.

Eris smiles bitterly. “Now why, oh, why would you keep something like this, huh (Y/n)? When you have me now?”

He looks towards the vast space of the parking garage. No one would be able to find it, or someone might just pick it up and sell it for some quick cash. He makes a fist with the ring in his hand and reels his arm back.

…..

Only to cancel the moment, from bowing over from a crazy laughter that suddenly erupts from his body. If there were any poor souls nearby, they would have believed something demonic was haunting the place, or there was an escapee from the nearest insane asylum.

“AUGH! I can't do it. WHY??” Eris shouts, gripping strands of his hair with his empty hand. “You're making me go crazy, (Y/n)! Is this stupid ring… so important to you that you’d keep it after all of these years? You’re not even together anymore, right? THEN WHY? WHY? This is… this is such bullshit! WHY CAN’T I JUST THROW IT AWAY!? WHY WHY WHY WHY!?”

Getting that out of his system, Eris begins to quiet down and inhale oxygen. With his heart pounding out of control, he takes several more deep breaths. After he successfully calms down, he releases his hair and starts rubbing away the heavy tears rolling down his face with his arm.“ Ah… Ahahaha… hic! … I can't… hic! … I can’t help but think… hic! ... that you might still… love… hic! … her… Do I… hic! … even have a chance, (Y/n)?”

The vast open space of the silent garage offers no words or gestures of comfort.

He sniffs, straightening back up, and looks at the ring again.

“She said it herself. You're not together anymore, right? And it’s not like you wear this either, so that means you don’t love her all that much anymore, right?” Eris asks the ring as if it is you. “You’re probably just… holding onto the memories. Yeah… No wonder you're so closed off from me!” Eris begins to smile. “That’s fine. That just means I just need to do more to carve a space in your heart for myself, right? But I’m not like her. I would never dream of hurting you. I just need to replace her little by little, right? It's okay, (Y/n). I can wait… Forever and always, ya?”

With that conviction, he pockets the ring, and gets into the car when his phone starts vibrating.

Bzzt! Bzzt!

Huh. That's weird, he thinks. The only people who have his phone number are Ollie, his family, and well, you. Of course, it probably isn't you since you'd never– HOLY SHIT!

He has never picked up a phone call faster in his life. Excitement flows through his veins like liquid nitrogen. “(Y/n)-”

“You asshole!” you scream through the phone.

His mouth flies open.

Well… small steps are better than nothing, right? It takes a moment but Eris suddenly realizes what this means, and his smile grows really wide.

YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT! For once, you've called him first! You felt comfortable calling him on his personal cell after all of this time! That's progress! Ah~ It’s so good to hear your phone voice again. He bets Lyn hasn’t heard your voice in forever.

HAH! Fuck you, Lyn! I’m (Y/n)’s man now, not her. So much for a fucking ring. HAH!

“Hey! Are you listening to me?” you ask, annoyed.

Eris pouts. “Sorry, was just lost in my thoughts, Love. Hehe, did you only call me to call me an ‘asshole’? Not that I mind, since I love your voice and all, but that’s really mean.”

He hears you groan on the other side of the line. “What’s with your voi- No, You wanna know what's mean? Stealing my family portrait. Give it back.”

… Huh? He feels flattered that he’s the first one you thought about, but your family portrait? The one on your table? Sure, he took your ring… and he does fill your fridge with his home cooking… and maybe have taken some of your under- But typically, he leaves everything else where it is because it’s your apartment. Especially something you only have one of and hold very dearly.

“I… Love, I would never touch your family portrait.”

“Well, your friend did! I don’t know who planned it, but tell him to return it immediately! Or I will… I will… Just bring it back. Please.”

You hang up right after.

…..

To Eris, you sounded like you were crying. He calls you back.

Briing! Briing! Tch.

“What?” you croak.

Eris can't help but giggle. “You picked up on the first ring~” he teases.

“I'm going to hang up now.”

“W-wait!” Eris clears his throat. “(Y/n), I would never ask anyone to take your family portrait. Could you describe to me what my supposed friend looks like? What happened? Did you call the police?”

“Is that so… No, I didn’t call the police yet because he said he was your friend and I thought you were playing a cruel joke on me. He said your name, Eris, so he does know you for sure. He had, um, black hair, with white roots I think? Kind of like a tuxedo cat. Um… green cat-like eyes. Um, doesn't really talk much and stares a lot. But he had the audacity to eat someone's else food and then throw the bowl on the floor without so much of a ‘thank you’! Can you believe it?”

“Ah…” Eris flattens his mouth from spouting his inner thoughts.

GOD. You're so adorable when you ramble. You're really attached to your food, huh? You must really like eating his home cooking, since he knows you have nothing else in there. If only you’d just let him take care of you, you could just stuff yourself without a care in the world. Anyway, the way you're describing the perpetrator sounds like you're describing a cat-

There's only one person who that reminds Eris of.

“I think I know who you’re talking about.” His tone is unnervingly even.

“Really? Oh, thank goodness. Thank yo– I mean, good. Please return my family portrait quickly. ASAP. Bye.”

You hang up before he can bid you goodbye. He calls you. You pick up on the first ring.

“What?”

Hehehe. “Go to sleep soon, okay? I’ll take care of it. Love you~”

You hang up again. Eris pockets his phone, before resting his head against the steering wheel. His smile turns into a frown as he absorbs and analyzes all of the information he's just received.

After a moment or two, Eris lets out a guttural sigh as gets out of the car. He slams the door shut, locks his car, and starts speed walking back to the bar, grumbling to himself, “One fucking obstacle after another…”

[guqin-and-flute]

Hi! It's been a few days, how are you recovering from surgery? About that writer to writer question, it was something along the lines of, what do you do when you know what you want to write and the place you want to get to but words are simply not coming in and it seems the goal is just so unreachable? - 🪼

HELLO

I'm actually doing so well; I just got my tape and compression wraps officially taken off today and I feel so freeee ☁ Thanks for asking!!

Ohhh boy, that old chestnut. Usually, with me, that means I've gone slightly awry somewhere. If the sentence doesn't automatically lead to the next thing but I know all the steps in the middle, it means something small went wrong--a response to something, someone's phrase, even their place in the room.

I would reread the last few paragraphs and ask yourself a few questions: is this what they would say or what I would say? Would they know enough to respond this way? Am I adding in unnecessary conflict? Am I taking out character driven disagreement? Is there a difference between what I WANT to happen and what NEEDS to happen to get to my goal?

There's been a few times when I've been like 'hehehe more conflict >:)' and the story has screeched to a halt and said, 'if you do that, you cannot get to the place you want to go with the characterization you want to keep'. That always sucks, but you can save those scenes/interactions that didn't work for later times or even other stories!

Other things to consider/do to get a stronger throughline/current through the scene;

-Can I skip the problem scene and get to where I'm going with minimal description? Am I getting bogged down by dialogue that doesn't actually add anything new?

-Should we be moving? Would changing scenes by leaving the room, starting a new action, or finishing a task inject some life? Is this where it should be happening? Have we been here too long or often? Run a couple of different potential settings through your head and see if one of them catch you as adding to the scene instead of just being the backdrop.

-How can the setting and sensations around the characters reflect or juxtapose the scene in a helpful way? A growling thunderstorm can add extra tension; a pleasant smell can remind someone of past happy times and relieve their annoyance with a sigh; warm sunlight can have someone pause and soak in the moment, allowing for some space giving descriptors; pinching armor can be someone's last straw and they just have to get OUT of it

-Pay attention to line length; a few long sentences in a row? Chuck in a couple fragments. Other way around? Meander a bit.

-Have there been many lines of uninterrupted dialogue? Describe something relevant; a sensory experience of emotion, someone's expression or body language, a change in the scene around them--distant door closing, someone passing so they have to pause

-On the flip side, when was the last time we had a break from exposition/description/internal monologue and have something happen in the physical sphere of things.

-Do a quick writing exercise of someone else's POV of the scene. Are you making sure that people are doing things that make sense for them to do or what they have to do for the plot to make sense. Especially try this if there's a person causing trouble for the protag--no one thinks of themselves the villain. Why are they acting like this? What do they want from this scene?

[angelsdean]

hey i'm really curious about what you mentioned about the episodes of spn u haven't seen before and the ghostfacers ep being one of them – why did you skip that one in particular before?? like why would u skip that one and not, like, bugs?

hi! So it didn't really have anything to do with the content of the ep. And I wouldn't skip a "bad ep" like Bugs either, because while Bugs absolutely has its issues it is, IMO, a pretty crucial ep for the brothers and their perceived family dynamics and Sam and John's relationship. Sam ends the ep wanting to find John not only for revenge-quest hunting reasons but so he can also apologize to John!

Anyways, tangent aside, why did I skip Ghostfacers? Well, it was late Dec. 2020. I'd started binge watching SPN just a few days after Christmas and was basically going through nearly a season a day (it was peak covid lockdown times, there was not much to do). And since Nov 5th I'd been not-so-slowly becoming so so invested in destiel via tumblr gifs and video edits and scene compilations and posts. So I was very eager to get to s4 and the destiel of it all. So as I neared the end of s3 and realized Ghostfacers was "just a filler ep" I was like okay I can skip this for now. I always intended to circle back to it, especially after I realized how beloved the ep is and the "gay love piercing through the veil of death" stuff and the Ghostfacers Effect. But, I have adhd brain, and that often means putting off things I want to do for sometimes years.

My original plan was to actually watch Ghostfacers LAST, as in after 15x20 on my original watch as like a meta commentary basically saying that ep is not the REAL SPN because Ghostfacers Effect (+ Chuck Won Theory). And to also just end on a better note. Buuuut then I never ended up watching 15x19 and 15x20 lol. I read the transcript for 15x19. And basically know the gist of 15x20 but 15x20 is like, my blurry wife. Everything I know abt it is pretty hazy. I've watched the Dean heaven scenes and that's about it. I probably will watch both eps on this rewatch for completions sake because I really do not like having unwatched eps of a thing, even if they're horrible. But we'll see. I might still not watch 15x20 because Dean's no good very bad death is painful for me.

And then the only other ep I haven't see is Bloodlines. When I got to it I already knew it was a "filler" and backdoor pilot for a spin-off and I got abt 5 mins in before being like yea I really really do not care abt Chicago monster families. But I'll watch it this time on the rewatch.

[aquadestinyswriting]

Writing Exercise 3

Ok, so I was looking through this post again to see if I wanted to do any of the other writing exercises on it and I came across the "Shuffle a playlist on your music player of choice. For whichever song plays, describe what you “see” with your imagination." exercise. Needless to say, since I have at least 4 different playlists just for my many WIP series, I needed to give this one a shot.

I'm just gonna go with shuffling my 'Emotional Songs' playlist since that's the most extensive one I have and I use it to plot with. Placing the song and my thoughts about it under a cut to save everyone's dashes.

Tagging: @davycoquette (as requested), @druidx, @lexiklecksi and @sparrow-orion-writes because you guys might get a kick out of this.

And shuffle chose the following song:

Oh man. Ok, so let's get into this.

I feel like I'm losing hope In my body and my soul And the sky, it looks so ominous And as time comes to a halt Silence starts to overflow My cries are inconspicuous

OK, so for this part of the first verse, I typically see Elowyn staring up at the ceiling of the cavern she, Meredith and Enezeage are shivering in after almost drowning trying to swim through some flooded mineshafts to get to some Bad Guys(tm). I think it's pretty accurate to say that at least the girls are feeling a bit hopeless since the other two members of their party have just drowned and Merri and Elowyn had just about followed suit not that long before.

Tell me, God, are you punishing me? Is this the price I'm paying for my past mistakes? This is my redemption song I need you more than ever right now Can you hear me now?

The scene in my head for this part skips ahead a little bit to when Elowyn dies for the first (or was it second?) time thanks to being ripped to shreds by a Dire Dire weasel (the thing stood about 4 feet at the shoulder, which is a bit taller than Elowyn). Elowyn's sitting in the waiting room when she suddenly gets pulled through a portal by a clawed, reptilian hand and is then told that she's now Kurtulmak's Vassal before she wakes up back in the real world pretty much naked and covered in ick. Bear in mind this takes place waaay before Elowyn finally gets ordained as a paladin, so she's a rogue at this point in the story of the campaign.

'Cause we're gonna shout it loud Even if our words seem meaningless It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world I wish that someway, somehow That I could save every one of us But the truth is that I'm only one girl Maybe if I keep believing, my dreams will come to life Come to life

There are a couple of scenes that flash into my head for this first chorus honestly. All of them involving Elowyn standing up for herself, her beliefs or others that are less fortunate than herself. The first one is when she's standing up to King Storri and Captain Bloodvein about the kobolds that the party ended up taking on as companions after that whole resurrection by Kurtulmak thing. The next one that comes to mind is quite a lot later when she's up on a box trying to calm a riotous mob that's trying to get into the Temple of Moradin in Toreguarde.

After all the laughter fades Signs of life all washed away I can still, still feel a gentle breeze No matter how hard I pray Signs of warning still remain And life has become my enemy

Now, I tend to switch POV over to Meredith for the second verse, only because this song is a definitive fit for both girls, for slightly different reasons. For this first part of the second verse, the scene that comes to mind is always one where Meredith is sitting in her room in Acacia Avenue after the celebrations for Darkhide's defeat are over and the party have been chucked out to go home and sleep. The scene is not a happy one, since she's trying to pray to Moradin and not getting an answer and is slowly realising that her people are still in grave danger, despite the defeat of one of the most powerful necromancers Allansia has seen in about a decade.

Tell me, God, are you punishing me? Is this the price I'm paying for my past mistakes? This is my redemption song I need you more than ever right now Can you hear me now?

For this second half-verse, I tend to visualise Meredith sitting in her cell waiting for her trial and likely execution date after she's discovered and arrested in Fangthane upon her return there. To be fair, she doesn't believe her gods are punishing her so much as kicking herself for getting caught because she has no evidence with which to exonerate herself, so she's spending herself praying for some sort of miracle.

'Cause we're gonna shout it loud Even if our words seem meaningless It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world I wish that someway, somehow That I could save every one of us But the truth is that I'm only one girl Maybe if I keep believing, my dreams will come to life Come to life

Like with Elowyn above, I tend to see various scenes for this chorus. Most of them involve Meredith standing up to the various enemies that her party met during their adventure. I also sometimes visualise a few scenes where Meredith is trying to keep her party or her people safe from some sort of danger, even if it's not immediately visible.

'Cause we're gonna shout it loud Even if our words seem meaningless Like I'm carrying the weight of the world I wish that someway, somehow That I could save every one of us But the truth is that I'm only one girl

For this chorus I visualise short flashes of both Elowyn and Meredith trying to talk some sense into their people as matters in both Toreguarde and Fangthane start to fall apart. Mostly it scenes of Elowyn trying to stem the corruption in the Council and the Brotherhood of Cleaving's reign of terror in Toreguarde and Meredith trying to talk some sense into the leadership of her Church as a full-on Schism starts erupting.

Still, we're gonna shout it loud Even if our words seem meaningless It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world I hope that someway, somehow That I could save every one of us But the truth is that I'm only one girl Maybe if I keep believing, my dreams will come to life Come to life

For this last chorus, I tend to visualise the lead-up to the final battle of the campaign. The first scene I visualise tends to be Elowyn getting ganked on top of a sea stack and Merri having to ress her mid-battle. However, the main scene I tend to see is Elowyn trying to talk Ionah (the Big Bad) down in attempt to, potentially, save what's left of the woman's soul. There was a whole heartfelt speech about understanding why Ionah followed the path she did and the fact that there was second chance still available. The body language I can see for both women in my head at this point is just heart-breaking, because Elowyn tried so hard, only for Ionah to turn around and basically murder her son (and Meredith's husband), who is off-screen and on another plane of existence at this point.

[zalrb]

PLL 2x14 Review - As Per Anon Request

I'm seeing a lot of Ezra in the recap. Is this the episode? Is it finally the episode?

I like how Spencer had to say "It's a set of latitude, longitude coordinates" and not just "coordinates".

Why is that skipping rope sequence like the creepy sequence from Nightmare on Elm Street

this bickering is way too performed, even for their mediocre to bad acting, it's probably some sort of setup they're doing or something.

"He still sounds angry when he talks to me." LMAO Hanna, you outted him cheating to his soon-to-be-wife. Her lack of self-awareness is HILARIOUS. She experiences no consequences.

There are always episodes where I feel like I've missed an episode before it. Also, is there a reason why they couldn't have had this conversation over the phone? Like you have a cell phone, Aria.

"You two make an interesting couple." LOL Troian's delivery.

"It was never a secret, it was private." Despite looking like a desperate housewife, Jenna is a MINOR and you are a whole ass grown ass man who is a police officer.

"Nobody starts out wanting to hurt anybody." I don't know, Alison sure seems like she did. or DOES. because she's ALIVE.

Aww, he built her a rocking chair ... why did Toby build her a rocking chair?

"A took the bait!" the bait that was so obviously bait?

Is there a reason Hanna's quasi hacker boyfriend can't try and trace A's number? Did he try already and I just forgot?

Did Caleb leave? Why don't I remember any of these plot points? Like I thought he came back from California?

And WHY is his hair terrible?

I think it's funny that it's the closest to Damon's

And it's also funny because Toby is Dean

all the way down to them both working construction, and him building Spencer a rocking chair for whatever reason and Dean building Rory a car.

Jackie, she is a sixteen year old child.

Ezra

are you going to kill her?

"I should've told your mother the truth about us at the police station" and in any other world, it would've been convenient because you'd save everyone a trip to the station since you'd already be there. Alas, in this world, a cop can date a minor openly. So.

Caleb wishes he was a teenage dirtbag.

"I'm in love with your daughter." And this is when you kill him.

Oh, Mike's coming downstairs. Punch him! Punch him!

He did. It was a HORRIBLE, WEAK ASS punch.

But he did it.

This scene should be WAY MORE dramatic than it is. Like when Julie's TA shows up at her house? It's a contained moment but it's dramatic

Everyone is just standing around here. Mike punches him and Aria's just like, oh damn

and Mike's the one who leaves?

I hate that twice in a row I have been made to be on the dad's side and not Piper's because ma'am, what the fuck are you talking about?

"She is a teenager. And you were her teacher." Well REALLY.

If I can say anything about Toby is he doesn't just go away. Like Caleb who is passively an asshole.

It's really funny to me that Emily is going on this rogue mission and Spencer, Hanna and Aria who were supposed to be tailing her all get caught up because people want to talk to them. Toby shows up at the house, Hanna's mom says she can't go because her dad is on the way. And this is supposed to cause tension. As if I didn't see Hanna walk out AS her mom was forbidding her to leave the house to go fuck Caleb in the woods. But that took precedence, I guess. I mean, it's only Emily amirite.

And Spencer, commit to the bit. Tell him he's right and you want to be the new Alison, make him hate you so he can stop, and you can leave the goddamn house, and it also makes it angstier. "You have to stay away from me, it's not safe" etc. etc. is too protective. Liz convinced Max that she slept with Kyle. Angel flat out told Buffy that he doesn't want to be with her anymore. Chuck told Blair it was just a game. COMMIT.

Why is Emily the one walking closer, draw them to you.

And why would you reveal that you found nothing? Literally what's the point of that? The person hasn't even SAID anything. THIS IS WHY YOU'RE THE WEAKEST LINK. Now look, they're trying to kill you with a rake.

All of you are pissing me off.

At least Hanna got to hit someone with a car.

I just feel like Mona would've figured it out by now.

[eisforeidolon]

So I came across a meta post based on screenshots [X][X] of the list of book titles shown in 4x18 that Chuck published. There's a discrepancy where only 24 titles are given when there are 60 tv episodes across that span. Now not only did the meta author skip right past the possibility that since novels are generally longer than a tv show episode, books might generally cover multiple episodes? As well as the even more likely possibility that whoever was typing up the list for the props department got lazy?

The post directly jumped right into full on stan conspiracy-think of how this must be why all the fans in the SPNverse are Sam girls because Chuck purposefully omitted all of Dean's best episodes! Naturally this gets built on in the replies & comments, with even more conspiratorial leaps about how the writers were trying to make fans in-universe love Sam and think he was a hero because nobody does in the real world (snort) yadda yadda Chuck won theory is true yadda yadda D/C was silenced *sob* yadda yadda the story was writing itself without the permission of the writers writing it [crazy eyes].

My other glaring issue - aside from the obvious of what an absurdly biased load of batshit all of that is? I just do not understand why someone trying to suggest a genuinely legitimate theory about a show spanning fifteen years and many different writers? Wouldn't consider for a hot minute before running full tilt with an idea: Hey, this is one random-ass prop screen from one episode that Sam scrolls by fairly quick, does this actually line up with how much of the story we're shown the in-universe fans getting elsewhere? Spoiler: No.

Let's ignore that Chuck specifically mentions the ghost ship from Red Sky at Morning, which isn't on the list, in that very same episode. He could be getting visions of stories and not writing them - unlikely but possible. No, lets jump to Crowley using the books in Clip Show to track down and kill "everyone [Sam & Dean have] ever saved". He says he's able to do it because he has "his sources and a crack research team" as he's shown with a pile of Chuck's books as he's saying it [X]. It's unlikely he would have found Sarah from Provenance through another source besides the books, but theoretically possible.

What you can't use handwaves to set aside, though? Is that as the scene continues, he holds up a copy of what is clearly A Very Supernatural Christmas [X], which is not on the list. It's shown again as part of Metatron's library in Meta Fiction, along with Tall Tales [X], also not on the list. These are direct in-universe physical books shown onscreen. While we're at it, there are a couple of times fan characters make it clear in dialogue other episodes/books exist. In The Real Ghostbusters, Demian and Barnes walk by Sam and Dean playacting a scene directly from Hunted about John's last order regarding Sam. Same episode, Becky tells them about Crowley getting the Colt from Bela, specifically citing the title of Time is On My Side. Last one, in Fan Fiction, Marie immediately jumps to knowing what a tulpa is and says, "Well, in Hell House, Sam & Dean-". None of those three books are on that list. So that list is NOT a comprehensive one for all the published books in-universe.

Part of me really wants to go on an even more extended rant here about fixating on one blink-and-you'll-miss-it detail and imbuing it with six metric tons of meaning without even once seeming to consider if it's actually remotely significant or, y'know, put in with legitimate intention. Even if the meaning being projected isn't completely bonkers. Seeing this done over and over again by people latching myopically onto whatever random tidbit will let them jump to the conclusions they already want ... sigh. Like, this is not how you come up with a good theory, starting from an utterly rotten base!

[istherewifiinhell]

back on the grief train woo woo (day recap) (most serious skip warning yet)

i have a predilectiction to not wanting to record or remember when (like the specific when in time) bad things happen. but in the last couple years of blogging, and i guess the year and change of drawing ive found a lot more appeal of recall. so i wonder if its not so bad to. record the bad. at any rate i dont think. not recording it makes it less real. which i think is the fear. and. my head is doing it anyway.

im doing this coping method questionable activity here instead of a journal becauseeee??? natural format my brains prefers i suppose.

to recap. the bad horrible no good very bad day

- i went to sleep late, as usual. i wake late. same. i prelong getting out of bed. also same. scrolling idly (or 'pre scrolling' the dash. i dont know why i do it)

- screams. screams and distress and misery and comforting a screaming distressed person. various talking down of hysterical lines of thought. (thats not an insult. 1. circumstances 2. understood behavioural trends) the joint and mouth gear i sleep in dont even come off until the screaming is done. have u every pet someones head in a wrist brace?

- lots and lots of crying. more comforting. the gear comes off. i brush my teeth. exhausted sitting and hovering around the. scene of the incident.

- migration to kitchen as food needs win out. all doors shut and all living beings collect. toast is eaten. water drank. etc.

- backup arrives. infomation is gathered. places are looked up and called. plans are formed. actions are taken. i mentally catalogue setimental, soothing, but give upable fabrics.

- i rip up threadbare torn bed sheets. i have to figure out how to get my dead cat into a box.

-he was around 12-15 pounds. we called him toddler sized and shaped. he had a mean punch and strong grasp. i taught him to sit on my shoulders, sometimes.

- realise how much heavier he is now. i cry. i cover him with the sheet. i somehow get it under him. hes stiff. even the tail. i cry. i pet his fur. i sob getting him into the box.

- backup apologizes. im on my knees. wailing. i think. definetly louder than anything ive done yet. backup gestures the dog at me. knowing my situation. distressee entered at some point. gets a hug from back up. i think i am gestured into the hug. i gesture down. im on the floor.

- i wail and am hugged.

- i am invited on the trip to the place. i gestures to my face. my sleep clothes. i dont see it happening. im told i dont need to be strong all the time. i reiterate. i really just wouldnt be able to get my glasses and a mask on.

- i dont see the box. i dont see much. at i dont remember if i have tea now or earlier. i soon as i hear the car go. im crying again. the sister cat meowing didnt help. i dont actually know or belief if that. i have no idea what she experiences. shes a cat. but. yeah.

- blogging happens? sometime happens? people return.

- im told. four years ago he developed a heart murmer. apparently thats a thing. 4 years. bengin to. serious.

- blogging happens. as well as algorithmic irony. i am asked if i want to watch something. i say. shower first. i forget ever song ive ever heard. for a moment. i settle on the album pocket.

- eventually i come down. i get food. we watch a movie. its a good movie. i have a nice exchange with a friend during too.

- i watch some dishes and realise. bizarrely. my old manager might find out about this. the vet was near to my job. the guy was friends with the techs. this was the kind of infomation he would share with me at times.

- youtube videos until the group disbands.

- i start recounting this my head

- i am wearing pjs i dont like. whatever the level for snotty sleeves where u chuck a set in the hamper has surely been met.

- typing this. using a spare pillow case as a hanky

- im gonna go and try and find the horse traqulizer of pleasant youtube videos.

[thatoneandlonelyemo2005]

gimme ur javey headcanons or i’ll make your kneecaps into soup <333

-🦡

do it you wont-

jk anyways

uuhhhh, so werid thing but not bc there the same people (kinda) I mostly ship Javid bc 1992sies is my life rn, and ONES JUST AN ARTIST AND THE OTHER IS A COWBOY

so if everything seems weird or anything, stab me

1992sies-

David finds Jack extra cute with his cowboy hat on

Their first kiss happened on David's fire escape while Jack was walking him home

Sarah saw it happen while she was looking for David to see if he was close to home

Sarah is so happy for them and gossip to Blink and Spot about this they lowkey girlboss and have tea parties

David is a blushing mess when coming in and Sarah smiles at him

Les asked if David was alright and all David could do was blush harder

When they have birthdays Jack always gets David a book or a new shirt (BECAUSE THIS BITCH WILL SAVE EVERY PENNY)

David would get him more dime novels and even a well-illustrated poster of cowboys (Sarah and Les chipped in even if David didn't want them too)

On a snowy day in New York everyone is playing but David is there looking at each Newsie UNTIL JACK CHUCKS A SNOWBALL AT DAVID and they have a snowball fight

Tumbler looks to Skittery and says " Skits, mom and dad are fighting again"

It's now like a playful civil war, UNTIL SPOT COLON COMES IN AND HELPS RACE WHO IS ON DAVIDS SIDE, JACK TEAM DIES

Jack learns about Hanukkah and ask questions

David's mom and Sarah all make the Newsies quilts each with something resembling the newsie its given too

All the newsies try to find something for them, they all pitch in to get Sarah and Ester a new dress, Myer a new razor, and Les a stuffed dog

Jack and David stay up all night talking while the windows open, either in the lodge or at David's house

On thanksgiving the whole Jacobs family makes a meal for all them AND the Newsies

David sometimes has to stay at home while his parents take Les to see their grandparents so he invites Jack over while Sarah goes spend time with Katherine

If his parents are out more than 1 day Sarah and him each get a day for the house all to themselves with their partners

OK NOW FOR JAVEY BC IDK WHAT IM DOING

Jack ofc draws Davey all the time

He even drew the whole family once

Sometimes they skip an hour or two to walk in the park

Once Jack dared Davey to climb a tree and he did,,,but he fell after word

Jack wouldn't stop apologizing Davey just kissed him to shut him up

Jack would invite Davey to see Medda and drink tea with her

Davey would discuss different scenes that Jack could paint while at this

They first kissed up on Jacks penthouse

Crutchie walked/climbed in on them the first time and called to Race who owed him a quarter because he was right to bet that Davey would kiss first

Jack found out how to make flower crowns

Davey was taught by Sarah how to press them in a notebook

He looks at said notebook when he misses Jack (mostly at night when he can't sleep)

Davey tries to teach Jack how to dance

He fails a lot but at least he can dip Davey and kiss him

He also tries to teach Jack how to read better

Well he dose to most of the Newsies but like Albert and Elmer they need extra time to learn

Jack has many issues so dose Davey so they both help each other

And they have new ways to help each other all the time

[minalblood]

Ep 7, finally! Sorry fellas took a while.

I will try to skip past the Despair destiel parallels since they've been mentioned often enough and focus on other stuff i find interesting.

Ok 1stly Carlos jokingly saying they should try jumper cables for the Ostium only to then look back at Lata judgingly was A++ friendship moments.

Love the Tony mention from Ada so much!

I will say all the shell company and warehouse talk reminds me of spn season 7 and the Leviathan plans which to be fair, the Akrida's plans are basically the same. Both hungry, some type of shapshifting beings. Kinda wanna know which came first for Chuck, cuz we know the Leviathan are meant to have been genuine creature vs the Akrida who were deliberately made as fail safe plague.

Mary big mad this ep beginning and it's all because of her worry.

God I still love the Akrida design and I also adore their growls!!! Tho I add that the fact that they can feel pain but cannot be killed save for something out of this world is hella intriguing, feels like something a, to quote Chuck, "cruel, capricious God" would do.

I adore Carlos brain! They're soooo smart and it's constantly shown in all the subtle ways but it's so consistent throughout that I love it. And not just generally, but also emotionally speaking, especially highlighted in the scene with Mary. Putting the right blame on the shifters, being honest about dealing or not with their parents death and still succeeding in bringing Mary's spirit up.

Why would John be so shocked that Henry would've written something for the MoL? Henry was a MoL so it really shouldn't be that surprising that he wrote stuff down. I personally think it's because he chose not to ask more questions because it would've fucked with him too much and he couldn't handle it.

Millie in the Clubhouse! Finally! She's still too harsh, but this time I tend to give her tiny bit more benefit of the doubt since it's obvious being in the Clubhouse is bringing up all the very complicated feelings she has deliberately not dealt with about Henry. It's why she can go from mentioning love letters with a soft gentle loving tone one moment and then insulting Henry's chicken scratch and its supposed use in saving the world. She has dealt a lot more with her feelings about Henry these past... weeks months? since all the stuff began, especially having received a clear answer about where Henry disappear to (he died), but that in many ways likely made it so much more complicated because the anger hasnt gone away but now it feels almost unfair to aim it so much at someone that seems to have not had a choice in abandoning them as she initially thought. She's still mad tho, not just because of that but also because she was never allowing in by Henry, not really, and we learn later that he deliberately distanced himself from her as well so being invited to the Clubhouse is a huge step in slotting into place what she feels. It's also why I think she demands so staunchly to know exactly what's happening because last time she didn't, Henry died.

The implication that Samuel Campbell is messy from Mary gave me such a John's room in Pilot vibes. Love that parallel (read: hate)

The mention from the Akrida possessing Roxy bout Roxy's beauty is made sooo much worse by the later episode about her possession, but with it in my mind, it give such icky vibes now. Besides the sheer disregard about Roxy's life. It makes it even more clear how much humans are just things for the Akrida to use and discard whenever. And that will only be made more apparent in later episodes.

Carlos' miiind!! The hex bag!! God I love them.

Interesting just for me I guess, but the fact that u just need to know the ingredients of a hex bag to find it, is sooo fun. I have so many questions.

I also love seeing Millie adjusting to the whole supernatural thing, her mind just going and her saying shit only to find out she might actually be onto something to them using her plan. Love that, especially love that it happens in connection to Ada. Millie and Ada have been pretty linked throughout the show so far, and I love that it's while Millie is talking to Ada, one of the few people who actually knew Henry and Henry allowed in, that she gets the idea she does. I also think it's very important that Ada does tell her the stuff Millie didnt know.

Ok, maybe controversial opinion here but I actually agree with Ada here, John is not closed off like Henry. He just isnt here. He is extremly reactive which means you will know what you get with him cuz he will make it clear, in a very bone headed way, sure , but it will be clear what he feels. There are of course things he doesn't disclose, but it aint about him being open, its just that he isnt closed off like Henry. Henry who his wife thought didnt even think of her or if he did it wasn't good terms at least toward the end, Henry who planted a protective plant for his family but never said anything about it. John, in spn, certainly does become closed off like that, id say he gets even more closed off but not this John, not yet and hopefully never. This john is just angry. Really angry, but it's still not the same insurmountable situation.

I adore Lata's excitement about all things monster.

Ahhhhhh I miss you all too Carlos 😭😭😭 #SavetheWinchesters

Nixon being Akrida is a nod to Lucifer possessing the president vibes to me.

I kinda love that Millie sold her wedding ring, it makes sense on so many levels. 1. Shes a single mom with a business to run. 2. She s trying to distance herself from the pain Hwnry left her with. 3. She is very much a dont think about it and it'll not affect you denial stage of grief person.

The music box!

It says shit about Millie that she didnt know john still had the music box all these years. It makes it clear which parts of John's life she paid attention to (or could allow herself to pay attention to) and which not.

I hate that they cant actually deal with any of the stuff because of the short window they have, but that's how things are right? both generally and def in the spn verse, you never have the space or time to actually confront the person thats traumatised you, not really, you just have small pockets of chances to process what happened in the middle of world ending events.

Fun fact, I rewatched Inside Man recently and the spell they use here to summon Henry is the exact same one Sam and Cas use to talk to Bobby in Heaven. And the fucking meaning always hurts me, cuz it calls onto dead loved ones to answers their calls/questions abd it feels like a prayer to me tbh. I also headcannon that the reason the spell works differently here is because Henry was still in the veil rather than in heaven, but ive nothing to substantiate that.

Once more Mary and John have such a genuine relationship tho, they really are honest with each other as often as they can because of the connection and similarities they felt when they first met and everything experienced since. Unlike their spn counterparts who were very much not honest about themselves.

I really love that John gets to hear Henry unequivocally say "it was my fault, not yours". It's so so important, both that Henry immediately owned up to it, and that he made sure to let John know first that it wasnt anything he did and that he wanted to explain everything.

I also wanna point out the immediate dif in Henry's demeanor once John mentions the Akrida aka work. Henry instantly compartmentalizes alll the feels he had about seeing John and getting to see Millie because he very much knows the importance. Better to have ur family alive even though you can't get closure than risk their lives just to explain yourself.

The paaaiiinnn, the emotionssss ahhhhh!! They can't get through everything they want to say but they make sure to say the things they need and my heart hurts now thx! Im very glad Millie got to see him though. It helped close another leaking wound in her. Damn this whole ep is Millie being put through the emotional wringer as much as John and Mary are. It prolly felt really good to hit the cop in the face with a bat after all that.

Love Mary's fighting advice. It shows she gets the urgency and the need to not linger on too long since the end goal isnt to kick ass, but to actually defeat the Akrida. Her hubting experience shows and her reason for doing this shows too.

I just know Lara wouldve had a field day if she couldve gotten that monster essence. So sad for her actually.

Also you know if Ada had been left to her own devices she wouldve followed Tragic Haircut and found the Akrida queens location. We've seen she can be very cutthroat when needed and her input wasn't really needed in the van, but it was needed to follow the Akrida. Thats what i think anyways. Millie for all her harshness, would never leave the kids behind. Shes suprising soft underneath it all, Ada is surpsingly cutthroat. Yay more parallel and contrasts between them.

Oh Mary, you were wrong there and it almost cost you dearly (just like how Dean going after Billie assuming shes thanosing people went wrong). Love the call back to their first meeting. Hate the despair vibes cuz ouch. Samuel to the rescue, congrats, you did the bare minimum. ( i am not a fan of Samuel and all the call backs to Spn!john only make it worse everytime, especially the heroic last second save when he's been mia and shitty throughout otherwise).

God can't wait talking about the queen when she finally appears properly.

See y'all later for a double special of Dean alive (ish) and Trickster/Loki discussion.

[youdontknowe]

Heyyy this is both my therapy and the reason I need therapy so let’s see how much it hurts or helps this week LMAO

* Ehehe standing in the corner like 🧍

* Not the firebird (tbf it has no headlights)

* 😧 he’d be willing to leave BABY? Now that’s a dean in love

* Dean no you cannot play the I was dead card after using I’m on a timer card

* Lol sleepy girly is not waking up yet

* Awh her brain finally processing that he’s back

* lol Bobby always has someone to chew out on their dumb shit

* lol every time skip from sam is just ‘did you get bigger?’

* Ooooo enochian? That is awesome (cue cas and her sharing secret notes to shit talk)

* lol poor sam will never get to know his hair looks good

* I like the detail In translation doesn’t always quite work even if it’s psychological

* Ehehe if I remember correctly she was also compared to a cat (don’t quote me my memory isn’t grand)

* Uhoh I forgot about the whole Sam’s got a problem because of ruby

* I always like how you explain bobbys soul cus it fits his character so well!! Cus of course he’d be something solid cus he’s about the only solid thing for his kids (the boys ain’t johns kids in anything by name in my mind)

* Ooooo Mayhaps they’re like that because chuck has like them as like the most detailed characters? I dunno I could be talking crap

* Pfff dean catching sass off castiel

* Bros doing a lot of bending rules for an angel

* Lmao he doesn’t care she can’t be smited doesn’t even question it he just relaxed like ‘oh thank god(chuck?) that I don’t have to worry about that too’

* By far the most frustrating (in a good way) part of your slow burns is nones allowed to say I love you before like at minimum half way through the fic

* It’s on sight with ruby. She’s catching hands and a magic woodchopper

* Girls trip!! (They’re going to kill something but that’s what really makes a girls trip right?)

* Yesss dragon hoarding gold analogy 10/10

* Lmao at least she’s aware and not ruining Jo’s breakfast with the icky details

* Jo is now getting official little sister shit card for princess

* Lmao “I can see souls, Jo.” I read that in the most deadpan way

* In giggling so hard Jo is just throwing any and all teasing comments about dean whenever she can

* Woohoo Jo your so smart! Really taking after her mentor

* Dean saying please is literally just the magic word to get her to agree to something

* The fact it’s widely known deans obsessed is so funny and yes I agree with Jo I would marry a man who drove from the falls to Texas for me cus I googled it and that’s a minimum 15 hour drive 💀 (America is scary big wtf)

* Damn bro was fast as fuck to get there! He was totally like literally just entering the area and called to get where she was lmao

* Bobby having a topic he will rant for ages about is so dad canon

* Hehehe sleepover ritual is so cute but the image of dean in a face mask - PRICELESS

* Sam being fed up of Dean part 2329473

* I think my favourite little scenes are Dean quietly threatening people whenever princess is asleep on or next to him

* Yk it’s cool to think of like an alternate reality where she IS maybe a bit evil and wants something really big bad to go down and how unstoppable both her and Dean could be, just because he’d do anything for her and it’d be even worse if she guaranteed Sam and people he cares about safe during it

* Sad nightmares :(

* Bro has NO issues getting on his knees for her at any time and I’m living for it. Give me more men on their knees for their girls

* YES more dress content cus she’s rocking silk

* It’s never good when someone gets a bad feeling oh no I’m nervous

* Oh bloody hell it’s a disaster

* OH I like that we’re getting deans pov on what she looks like using her powers

* And back to the shitshow this hunt has become

* I love deans pov in all this it really secures the, chaos- omg she’s so pretty i would die for her- oh shit more chaos

* What’s happening oh no

* I’m panicking people I’m panicking

* OMG IS IT HAPPENING

* ITS HAPPENING AHHHHHH THEY SMOOCHIN

* Shit that was a tasty make out scene

* Lmao that must have been the single most victorious and awkward few minutes for Jo

* Magdalene is a cool asf name

* Ooooooo I love the history lessons and lore drops so much it’s amazing

* Yeah cas bad bad timing but tbf this is probably the best for Dean cus he’s got less things to worry about her hating him for

* Do we get more smoochin action next week? Pretty please

* End note: Dean really needs one of those shiny shock blankets they give out from ambulances n stuff. Hes really just gonna be sitting for weeks trying to wrap his head around the fact she’s seen all that in hell and STILL sticks to him. I love them so much

* It took a a little longer to read this week but I really enjoyed it 💙 im so excited we get to maybe see more physical affection from here cuz it’s finally happeningggg

Chapter 18 - You Can Start to Make It Better

Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist

Author's Note: Return of the swaggy Monster of the Week cases.

Chapter Title from Hey Jude by The Beatles

Word Count: 17.9k

Chapter Summary/Warnings: You go home, and try to get back into a rhythm. Usual Warnings.

Tags: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, angst, fluff, pining, action

Chapter 17 - Chapter 19

Read on A03!

You have rules.

If you’re going to love Dean, you have to have rules.

To keep yourself sane, and to keep Dean safe.

To ensure that your priority can be making sure Dean stays alive. You can never, ever fail him again, because now that you have him, it will take a biblical tragedy to make you lose him again.

So you have rules.

The first rule comes before the drive home. You stay the night in Texas, but neither of you really sleep. For Dean, it’s so the stiches can set, and for you, it’s so you can feel Dean’s arms around you and hear his heartbeat near your ear, his hand splayed gently over your stomach to monitor the stitches. Then, before the dawn has even fully broken the sky, you go.

Together.

Dean asked you not to run, so now you means you and Dean, together.

He goes to pick you up some non-bloodstained clothing—you’d slept in his shirt, and you’d both silently agreed not to talk about it—as you get the coffee, and when you start to change he takes a tall, rigid stance facing the door. It’s almost adorable, how he’s fidgeting with the cuffs of his jacket and glowering at the walls. Like he’s somehow trying to preserve your modesty.

“We’re taking my car.” Dean mutters, and you freeze with one leg in the sweatpants.

“Dean, I’m not just leaving the Firebird.“

“Yeah, you are.”

“You gave me that car-“

“I’ll send Sammy back for it.” He snaps. “He’ll bus down and drive it back up, and you’ll stay with me.”

You roll your eyes, standing up straight as you finish with the sweats. “You never let Sam drive Baby, why is my car different-“

“Because.” Dean grunts, shooting you a glare as you shuffle over to his side. “I am not letting you drive back to Sioux Falls by yourself after you just got fucking shot, Princess. We’re leaving the Firebird.”

“You can be really dramatic, Deano, you know that?”

His lips twitch slightly. “It’s not dramatic to make sure you don’t bleed out somewhere in Oklahoma, Princess.”

“See, you sound dramatic-“

“And you’re not driving yourself home. Give it up.”

You pout up at him, putting on your best, innocent, sweet expression. “But my car, De. Please-“

“I don’t give a shit about your car.” He grumbles, and that breaks you in a second.

You could see the clench of his jaw and fists, hear the resolve in his voice, and this wasn’t a fight you were going to win. If Dean is valuing you over the car, you’d lost before the conversation even started.

It wasn’t like you really cared either way. If it were up to you, you’d climb onto Dean’s body and never be peeled away from him again.

“What about your car?” You hum, just to selfishly press a little further, and Dean rolls his eyes.

“If that’s what it’s gonna take to get your ass back home, we’ll take the freakin’ Firebird instead. But,” he narrows his eyes at you. “I’m driving, and you’re resting, and that’s it.”

You stare at him, and it creeps right up to the edge of your tongue. You love him. So much. Desperately and eternally, because he cares. More than anyone. All the time. You’ve seen him almost shoot people for looking at the Impala wrong, he’s willing to leave it in fucking Texas for you, and you can see how serious he is in his Gold—solid and burning in his body—and you love him-

“Dean, you don’t need to-“

“I do.” He grumbles, starting to herd you out the door. “I’ll carry you home on fucking foot, if I have to. You’re more important-“

“Than a car?!” 

Dean shoots you a glare, you offer him a soft, teasing smile, and he sighs. “And you’ve got the nerve to call me dramatic.”

“Bold words from the man who just said he’d carry me home on foot.” You hum, and Dean finally grins.

Wide and pretty and unrestrained, staring at you in the breaching light of the morning that’s somehow less golden than he is, and here. Alive.

Not yours, but with you. 

And you love him. 

“I missed you, Princess.” He mutters, and it’s a good thing you’re already half-pressed into his side. Otherwise, you would’ve fallen over.

“I missed you too,” you whisper, and Dean’s grin is beautiful, and there’s the first rule.

This can’t be about you. He’s too pretty and magnetic and Golden, and you love him, but if you’re going to keep loving him it can’t be about you.

“We can take Baby.” You mumble. “I- That was nice, though.”

“No problem.” Dean rubs the back of his neck, and you could swear there was a slight redness to his cheeks before he looked away. “I, uh- Yeah. C’mon.”

Dean half carries you to the car, because he’s an amazing idiot who really seems to think that if he takes his hand off your body for a second, you’ll vanish into thin air.

You understand the sentiment. It’s the same reason that, when you stop for gas after a few hours and he tells you to stay in the car, you shake your head and start to open the door.

“What are you-“

“I’m coming with you.”

“No, I told you to stay-“

“You’re not the boss of me.” You mutter, twisting to glare at him when his arm crosses your chest, pinning you to the seat. “I want a shitty gas station donut, Winchester. Let me go.”

He doesn’t move. “I’ll get you one, sweetheart, just stay-“

“Listen to me.” You snap, leaning forward with a scowl. “If you don’t let me out, I am going to break out, stab you, and sit on you while I eat my donut.”

Dean’s eyes widen slightly, and a small smirk creeps onto his face. “Bossy, Princess.”

“Dean Winchester-“

“Chill out,” he drawls your name, his arm moving back and leaving an almost whining depression where he’d been touching you before. “I’m not looking to get stabbed today, you can get your own freakin’ donut.”

You smile at him in triumph, Dean snorts and shakes his head, and you really don’t give a fuck about the donut. You care about Dean, guiding you inside with a hand on your lower back, muttering low jokes in your ear as you wait in the shockingly long line, and grinning at you like there’s nobody else in the world.

Dean plays his music too loud in the car on the drive back, trying to get you to sing along and pouting whenever you refuse.

“You know, this isn’t very nice,” he grumbles after the fifth attempt. “I just came back from the dead, Princess, the least you could do is sing for me.”

You shoot him glare, the Silver whining in your body at the reminder. “The I was dead card isn’t going to work on me, Deano. I don’t think it’s funny.”

“It’s a little funny.” He shrugs. “C’mon. I think I’m making it work.”

“You’re not.” You mutter, wrapping your arms around your stomach, and Dean drops it like that.

You don’t know if he gets it. The toll his death took on you. And you’re going to do everything in your power to ensure he never knows—that’s just another burden you don’t want him to carry—but there are things you can’t keep him from seeing. 

How you get quiet whenever he mentions it, because the numb feeling of nothing, Dean’s gone so there’s nothing, washes back over your body. The fact that you know you don’t look healthy, because even with the Silver humming once more in your body, you still have bruises from malnutrition and rashes on your wrists from where Ketch tied you up. There’s a gaunt quality to your skin that wasn’t there when he last saw you, and you might not be trying to force the Silver down anymore, but the habit of picking your skin raw is too deeply ingrained to go away.

You have gotten better at the healing, over the past four months. But the weakness from being held captive hasn’t faded away, and it means that you’re too tired to do most anything but rest, and talk to Dean.

You can always talk to Dean. 

He’s keeping his voice softer than usual. Almost gentle, as your eyelids start to droop, and his word fade in and out of your head.

“I’m gonna pull over.” He mutters after another few hours. “Check your stitches.”

You hum, and don’t bother to do anything but wait for Dean to park the car and move so he’s kneeling on the grass before you, then let him maneuver your body, so your stomach is under the flashlight in his mouth.

All your effort goes into trying not to moan, when his fingers brush over your skin. Warm and broad and calloused, so careful when they touch you, like you’re something that could possibly be broken.

You don’t care if the Sky sees this. If it hates it, or doesn’t care because Dean’s keeping you safe and alive. 

You’re for Dean. Nothing and no one else. He’s the one who sits you up carefully and presses a kiss to your brow, before making you drink water and settling you upright once more. Dean is the only person in the universe who, when he scoots back into the driver’s seat and slings his arm around your shoulders, you’d ever even consider leaning into.

Sleep comes easy and peaceful, on Dean’s shoulder, the music humming softly in the background and the Silver flowing softly through the world as Dean drives you home.

It’s twilight, when he wakes you up. Everything is cast in deep shades of blue, and the shadows have grown a little longer in the night, but there’s no pain or fear in your body at all.

It’s all still technicolor. 

Dean’s still here.

And you’re curled right into his side, and you can hear his heartbeat, and everything is okay.

“You wanna go right to bed?” He mutters in your ear, and you blink up at him as sleep lingers over your brain.

“Huh?”

Dean huffs a soft laugh, looking at you with an odd gentleness you don’t understand, but are going to cling to for the rest of your life.

“De, I-“ You cut yourself off with a yawn, burrowing yourself a little further into his side because he’s warm and alive and you’re too tired to stop yourself. “What’s happening?”

“We’re back at Bobby’s, Princess.” Dean watches you carefully, his voice still so strongly low and soft. “And Sammy told me they’d wait up, if you wanted, but if you wanna go to bed, we can sleep in your room, or the room I’ve been using. If you, uh, if you want me in the bed, obviously. We can separate and I can take the couch if you want my room-“

You shake your head, moving your hand to press over Dean’s mouth. 

He blinks at you, and you only stare at him through a slight daze.

“Slow down, Deano, you’re talking so fast.” Your voice sounds whiny to your own ears, but Dean doesn’t really look like he cares, and you’re so tired. “‘M tired, I don’t know what you’re saying.”

Dean grabs your hand and slowly lowers it down, his eyes dancing with a soft light. “You’re tired, sweetheart?”

You nod, dropping your head to his shoulder, and he lets out a low chuckle that rolls through your body. 

“Alright, you’re doing bed then.”

You frown against his body. “What’s doing bed mean.”

“Means you’re acting like you’re freakin’ drunk, ba- Princess.” Dean starts to shift you around until you might be in his lap—the world is all blurry color and Dean, so you can’t really tell—and sighs in your ear. “So Sam and Bobby will just have to wait till morning.”

“Sam and Bobby. Where are-” Your words die as you lean back, and Dean’s face is right there. A breath from yours, and pretty, and there’s so much life in his eyes—all beautiful and so focused on you—that you almost burst into tears.

“Wait, shit-“ Dean grabs your face with one hand, the other keeping you steady by your waist, and that’s enough. Your eyes start to sting, and a weak noise leaves your chest as the Silver pours out into the world.

You’re the easy wind outside the car, the gentle comfort of the Impala—warm and filled with love from Dean’s care—and the soft hope of a lightbulb outside, covered in moths and flickering but still holding out to draw something else into its light. 

You’re not Dean, but you’re curled right against him, and when your eyes flick down to your hands they’re covered in gold, and Dean-

“Fuck, Princess, don’t cry- It’s- I didn’t mean to- Oof-“

You tackle your body fully into his, somehow finding force without movement, and Dean’s arms wrap tight around you in half a second as you sob.

“You died.” Your hands fist against his shirt, and there’s too much dizzy, sleepy fog over your brain for you to do anything else but sob and hold onto Dean. “You- you were gone, and you died, and I couldn’t- I tried but I couldn’t- And you- You were in Hell, and I didn’t-“

You cut yourself off with another strangled sound, and Dean’s hand starts to stroke through your hair.

“I know. But I’m good now.” he mutters in your ear, and it’s soothing. Like a lullaby that’s a little more. A promise. “I know, Princess I do, but you’re okay. We’re gonna get you to bed, sweetheart, you’re real tired and it’s- It’s okay.”

Dean pries you off his chest as you continue to sniffle, his thumb presses to the bridge of your nose, and it’s like a spell. 

The Silver eases back into your body, and you’re out. 

When you wake up, sunlight is filtering through the room. Your room.

You’re back in your own room.

It hasn’t really changed. Bobby seems to have cleaned up all your notes from the floor, and the sheets are fresh and changed, but everything else is as you left it, save for a slight coat of dust.

And Dean.

The last time you’d slept in this room, Dean had been at your side, but he’s not here now.

The only thing that keeps the Silver from bursting out of your body and ripping through the world to find him is the Gold. Bright and strong and covering your whole room, imprinted on the mattress and all across your clothing, a soft lining of it on the door knob and over the carpet. 

Dean is alive. The Spiderweb is soft and iridescent in your body, so he’s still alive, and he’d been here because only Dean is Golden like that.

It wasn’t just a cruel nightmare or trick of your mind, that he’d come to get you, and-

Oh, fuck.

You’re not tired now, but god, you had been when you got home, and you’d fallen apart from nothing at all. Fragile and uncontrolled and sobbing into Dean’s arms when he was the one who fucking died.

And he’d held you, but you’d been far too close. If he hadn’t somehow eased you to sleep, you probably mumbled that you loved him, in your exhaustion. And he had so many other things to worry about, all far more important than you. Dean shouldn’t be responsible for soothing you whenever you lose your fucking mind-

But he had. Because he was amazing, and Dean, and has always had you  when you lost your fucking mind.

You love him.

Second rule.

You can’t overindulge yourself.

If Dean volunteers to care for you, you’ll take it because you’ll never have enough will to not. But you can never ask for more, when he already gives so much. If you ask for more and he gives it, that won’t be love. It will be selfishness, and greed, and the monster in you hoarding him like the gold he is because you love him, and nothing should ever touch him again. 

Instead you’ll be his beast. Snarling and marching in front of him and taking whatever scraps he throws to you. If Dean asks to keep sleeping in your bed, there’s no world where you say no. If he wants to carry you around and stitches up your wounds and hug you in his lap, you’ll keep pressing your face to his shoulder and drowning yourself in his Gold until he either shoves you away, or you start to infect him and you have to put yourself down.

Castiel said you’d already infected him. That you’d embedded yourself in him.

He’d seemed fine. There were all those new parts of the Gold, and the way that the rivers of Silver were glowing and secured through his body, but if that was what Castiel had been talking about, Dean didn’t seem to be fighting it or rejecting it from his soul. 

That could be part of the no overindulging. What you’d planted in Dean seems to have grown roots, and there was no taking that back, but it ends there. With the only exception of saving his life, the Silver will never touch him again. Especially with how little control over it you still have.

When you see Castiel again, you’ll have to ask him what he knows about souls. He’s the first other not-person you’ve met who ca see them. 

As your brain starts to fully kick back into its normal gear—devoid of weeks without sleep and months of being plagued by Dean’s voice on the wind—it hits you that you really need to talk to Castiel again. He’s a fucking angel. Angels are real, and one had saved Dean, and all the Hell dreams were real too, which has to mean something, but you don’t know what, and Castiel hadn’t seemed to know what either, but he was an angel, so he has to know something-

One thing at a time. 

Too much is happening, and you’ll get through it—you always do—but you still had to go one thing at a time.

And you’re home.

You shuffle out of the bedroom on silent feet, and you can hear them before you can see them.

“I still don’t know why I have to go to Texas.” Sam’s voice mutters from the kitchen. “You’re the one who made her leave her car there-“

“She’d been bleeding out, Sammy, I wasn’t gonna just let her fucking drive-“

“But-“

“Sam.” Bobby’s voice grunts, and you can hear the exhaustion in it. You can’t really tell if the gnawing feeling in your gut is guilt of relief. “I’m with Dean on this one.”

“Thank you, Bobby-“

“Not cause you made the right call, ya’ idjit.” Bobby snaps, and you can very easily picture Dean’s dejected puppy look. “If you’d used your fuckin’ brain, you wouldn’t have taken off the moment Cas found her, and one of us coulda driven it back behind you.”

“But, uh, I still did the right thing with the stitches and driving-“

“Stop fishin’ for compliments. You’re lucky I don’t shoot you for only callin’ us two hours before you got back.”

“I was busy,” Dean mutters, Sam snorts, and you finally turn into the kitchen. 

Dean sees you first, but Bobby’s close behind, and once they’re both staring at you, Sam follows their gaze with wide eyes.

“Hi.” You mumble, keeping one hand on the doorframe to steady yourself. “I- uh- sorry.”

It’s all you can think of to say.

And it turns out it’s all you need, because the words hang in the air for a fraction of a second before Bobby’s marching across the room and you’re pulled into a long firm hug.

You hug him back without a thought, and his grip tightens. You can almost feel all of Bobby’s anger and stress and relief pressing into your body, and you’ve been a really shitty daughter but he’s still hugging you, and there’s no urge to let go.

It’s the same way he’d hug you when you were a kid. When you’d make the house go haywire, then curl into a corner and cry for hours. The hug that meant, even though you’d made a huge mess for him to clean up, Bobby was just glad you hadn’t killed yourself in the process. 

And you hadn’t.

But when Bobby speaks, his voice is still gruff.

“Don’t ever fuckin’ do that to me again, kiddo.” He mutters, low enough for only you to hear, and he knows you don’t need to hear the rest of the lecture. About how you damn near killed him, and he doesn’t need to lose you and Dean, so next time you should just come home. You can feel it all in his hug, and that’s enough.

“I won’t.” You whisper, squeezing him a little tighter. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I know.” Bobby pulls back, scanning over you with a tight frown. “You gonna tell us what had you off the face of the damn earth and needin’ stitches?”

You nod, rubbing your wrists as you speak. “I will later.” You lean around Bobby to see Sam still gaping at you from his chair. “Hi, Sam.”

Sam pushes out of his chair without another word, and Bobby barely side-steps him before you’re in another death-gripping hug, Sam almost crushing you into his body.

“Did you get bigger?” You mutter into his chest, and Sam snorts.

“I’ve had a weird seven months.” 

“Ah.” You lean back, and Sam stares down at you, but doesn’t let go. “Same.”

He swallows, and something flashes over his face that you don’t understand. “I, um- I’m sorry I didn’t look for you. Dean was gone, and I knew you’d take it worse than anyone, and you were kind of all I had left of him, so I really should’ve tried harder-“

“Sam.” You offer him a soft smile. “It’s okay. I didn’t make myself an easy person to find.”

He nods, taking a slow step back, and Dean clears his throat.

“Can I have a hug too, Princess?”

You give him a flat look. “I’ve hugged you three times already.”

“Yeah, but I also drove you home, I think that’s earning me another one-“

“I’m not running a hug-based economy, Winchester, they’re fucking free-“

Dean almost crashes into you, and you hadn’t realized how different Dean hugging you really was until you felt them all back-to-back. 

Sam and Bobby had been firm, and almost strangling, but they hadn’t been trying to move you into their body. They hadn’t rested their chin on the top of your head, or moved your face to press into their necks, and you hadn’t tilted your head to try and hear their heartbeats. 

Sam and Bobby had stepped back, after the socially allotted amount of time.

Even after Sam lets out a very loud cough, Dean still squeezes you one last time, and keeps his hand between your shoulder blades as he moves away.

That wasn’t overindulging. Dean had hugged you, and you’d only responded to the pace he’d set. You’d sunken a little further down, down, down into Dean because he’d given you to chance, and you’d curled your fingers at the nape of his neck because the situation called for it.

Still, you have to set another two rules.

Third, you can’t let it show on your face, where Sam and Bobby and anyone else who knows where to look can see. When Dean keeps talking—and he’s right next you, and you love him, and he’s so pretty—you can’t just stare at him with a stupid smile and soft, adoring eyes. It has to be business as usual, no matter what, where you love Dean and it’s kept locked in the Spiderweb.

Fourth, you can’t let it affect work. At all. You have to fucking pay attention as they fill you in on the seals, heaven and Lilith, some guy named Chuck wrote those books, and a girl named Anna who’s now a missing angel.

“Oh, wait, get this.” Sam leans forward, his eyes wide on yours. “Where’s the Blade and your book, there’s-“

You cut Sam off with a long sigh. “I lost them.” 

“You- How?”

“Hunters.” You mutter, twisting the skin on your finger, and Dean’s eyes narrow.

“You got a clue where they are, Princess?”

“Yes.”

Dean opens his mouth to push it, but Sam cuts him off before he gets the chance.

“Well, alright, Dean says you can write in the language too-“

You frown. “What language?”

“Cas and Uriel called it Enochian.” Dean mutters, running his hand over his face. “Angel language.”

“Angel what?”

“You heard him, kiddo.” Bobby shrugs at you, and you must still be clouded with sleep, because there’s no fucking way-

“I speak angel?”

“Yeah, but,” Sam sighs, frowning at the air. “We don’t know why, so if you’ve got something-“

You shake your head. “I’m not an angel, Sam, if that’s where you’re-“

“It’s not. Anna was a secret angel, and that was worked out in a month.” Sam sighs, running a hand through his hair. It’s gotten really long, but—and he’ll never get to hear this—it suits him. “It’s just better than nothing, right? Did you find anything new on, you know…”

You huff a soft laugh as Sam trails off. “Yeah, I know. And sort of. It’s- I was sort of visiting a bunch of witches-“

Dean pushed off the counter with wide eyes. “You were what-“

“Calm down, Deano.” You give him a firm look, and he scowls, but shuts his mouth. “None of them hurt me. They all treated me like I was some sort of royalty. It was really fucking weird.”

Dean frowns, opening his mouth to say something that’s likely going to be adorable and unhelpful, but Bobby beats him to the punch.

“They give you anythin’ to go off of? If they were treatin’ you like that, they had to know somethin’-“

You shake your head with a long sigh. “They didn’t have a fucking clue either. One older one, like really old, said the name for what I was is lost, but-“ Your eyes widen. “Fuck.”

“What-“

You shake your head, and Sam cuts himself off as you stare ahead into nothing and rub your wrists, letting your brain turn over the chance. It’s lining up, and it’s less than a gamble and more of a risk, but there’s no fucking way it’s that easy-

Dean says your name in a low, careful voice. “What are you thinking?”

“You remember how I thought the soulweapons were solemn oath weapons? And you told me that solemn oath means soul?” You run your thumb against your palm, and Dean nods. “I thought that was just, you know, whoever wrote it being weird or something. But if it really is a different language-“

“It is.” Sam mumbles, and you sigh. 

“Okay, but that means I’ve been translating in my head for some fucking reason, and what if I’ve been mistranslating other words like that?”

Sam frowns. “Like what?”

“Like you’ve been makin’ them literal.” Bobby grunts, giving you a small smile and nod, and you stand a little taller. “You thinkin’ of another word you need worked out?”

“Yeah.” You swallow. “Are you guys still kind of fighting with Castiel, or is he going to take a, uh, prayer?”

“He’ll take it if we say we’ve got something interesting. He’s nosy.” Dean starts to guide you to the table. “He’s kinda like a cat. Comes and goes. You’ll like him.”

You give Dean a sweet smile, biting down the words that you already met him, and he did seem a little like a cat. It’s not a lie. It’s an omission.

And that’s bad within itself, but at least until you see Castiel again—and he gets real fucking specific about what the angels have been waiting for means—you’ll have to keep omitting. 

Even if Dean pulls out a chair and helps you into your seat, and the Silver twists because there’s still some muss in his hair from sleep, and he’s still touching you, and you love him.

“I can walk myself, you know.” You raise your brows at him, and he shrugs, dropping in the seat between you and Sam.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Princess.”

“We both know you won’t-“

“Sammy, can we have some paper?” Sam passes Dean a sheet from his notebook, and it’s slid in front of you with a pen.

You blink at Dean, and he sighs, grabbing the pen and moving it into your hands.

“Write down what you want Cas to look at.” He mutters, tapping the paper. “So when we call him, we’ve got something to show him.”

“Oh.” You whisper, glancing down to the paper. “Right. Smart.”

You could swear Dean sits a little taller, his face breaking out in an even wider grin, and the rest of breakfast slides by fast. You do some loose, more pointless catchup about the past months—Sam found some new books he can show you, Bobby’s being a butthead and won’t tell you if he’s been dating, and Dean won’t stop reminding Sam that he needs to get moving to Texas soon—and for long, beautiful seconds, it’s hard to remember that you were gone at all.

But there’s evidence. Proof only you can see that you’ve change. That you’ve all changed.

Dean’s soul is still Golden, even if parts of it are to clearly new and molten from being mended, and Bobby’s soul is still green—although a little more worn, which is going to keep eating at your stomach—but Sam is…

Different. 

There’s more red, even when you give him a quick glance. It’s like blood seeping over his softer tissue and bone, and there’s certainly far less blue to his purple than before. It looks a little like an infection. It’s raw and malignant the same way the Darkness was, and the Silver doesn’t like it. It’s still setting off and keening to spread out over you in an almost chemical reaction. To burst and bubble and flow until all the red is gone, because it’s wrong.

You can’t really think of a good way to mention that to Sam. You’ve never told someone that their soul looks infected before. 

A problem for a later.

Because right now, as you finish up with the word—it takes longer than you’d like, but you’ve never tried to write in Enochian, and it takes an odd amount of effort to separate it in your brain—and you take the time to look at their souls fully, you see it.

Bobby’s soul is firm and pact, like the soil of the ground. Unwavering and firm, but not cold like stone. 

But Sam and Dean aren’t anything you’ve ever seen.

You’d noticed it, when Dean found you, but you’d been tired and chalked it up to exhaustion. Yet you’ve slept, and you’re looking with the intent of seeing, and they’re not anything.

Or they’re everything.

You can’t really tell.

But whatever they’re made of, it’s the same. It’s all light and shadow, shifting and turning like a star inside of them, and almost pure looking. Like it’s raw, but still made from something old. 

You can’t stare. If you stare, they’ll ask questions that you don’t have an answer for. Whatever it is, they’ve been made of it their whole lives, so it’s not another change.

And the changes all fit themselves—except for Sam’s, you’re a little worried about him—but they also still fit each other. You can see that too. How Sam’s soul is running with wisps of Bobby’s green, deeper coatings of gold that look a little like stitches over the redness, and a thin layer of silver that’s flowing through and off of him without leaving any scratches. The marks of silver are on Bobby as well, although a little brighter and further into the muscle of his soul, and then Dean-

Embedded.

You’re embedded in Dean. The rivers of silver as refracting with rainbow and have been almost buried in the Gold, and that’s what Castiel meant.

You don’t get to ask him about it when he arrives.

The introduction is quick. Dean says your name, Castiel—Cas is quicker, and suits him a little better—gives you a short nod, and you both stare at each other for a long second as Dean keeps talking. 

“We just need you to take a look at it.” He taps the paper, and Cas’ eyes flick away from yours, down to the paper.

“That is it?”

You nod, glancing down to the words. Word. When you’ve focused on writing it in Enochian, it’s obviously one word, no matter how it keeps shifting off the paper into four. “I, uh, I might have been giving it a literal translation, because nobody ever actually taught me what I was writing. I didn’t even know I was writing in a different language.”

“Enochian is… very old and complex.” Cas mutters, moving to frown down at the paper. “I do recognize this word, but I’m afraid I don’t know what it means.”

Dean frowns. “How can you not know what it means, it’s your freakin’ magic language-“

“Do you know every word in the English dictionary, Dean?” Cas gives him a bored, pointed look, and you have to cover your mouth to hide your giggle.

“No.” He grumbles, shooting you a glare. “And you’re supposed to be on my side, Princess.“

“I am.” You shrug. “But that was funny.”

Dean rolls his eyes, and Cas keeps staring down at the paper.

"There are some things I will have to check before I give you an answer." Cas turns to look at you, his words slow and cautious. "But I warn you, what I find may not be what you wish to hear."

"As long as it's something." You mutter, leaning back in your chair. "I really don't give a fuck what."

It's a few more minutes where Cas lingers in the kitchen, talking about some new seal Lilith is trying to break, and telling you that—wherever he has to look for the direct translation of your word—it may take him a few weeks to do it undetected.

"Won't the angels want us to figure it out?" Sam asks, frowning down at your paper. "I mean, you told Dean that not even you guys really know-"

"None of my siblings within my rank know." Cas corrects, shaking his head. "It is not information that has been deemed necessary. Our only orders are to keep out of it.”

"Then what's got you suddenly all in on helping her?" Dean raises his brows, and Cas shrugs.

"I am... curious. My brothers and sisters are dying, and if this is what I think it may be-“ Cas sighs. “I am willing to bend things. For this alone. And as long as we are careful, and the seal is dealt with-"

"Your big bosses won't be all pissed.” Dean finishes, running a hand over his face. "I dunno, Cas, that douchebag at Chuck's didn't seem too flexible about things."

"Aw." You give Dean a soft, teasing smile before Cas has to respond. "You're worried about him getting in trouble."

Dean scowls. "Yeah, because they'll freakin' smite him or something, Princess. Then maybe try to get you too-"

"They cannot smite her.” Cas shrugs. “They’ve been very clear about that. It would not be effective.” 

You swallow, but Dean relaxes. That opens up a million more questions, but Dean lets out a slow breath and presses his knee further into yours, and you almost say it again. 

And you know that there has to be a last rule. 

It’s most important of all. 

You can never say it aloud. 

It won’t bring Dean anything but more danger. More grief. Everything is only growing more and more complicated, and telling Dean you love him will only be cruel to you both. Telling someone else will force them to keep your secret, and that’s selfish. 

It will have to live in your head. Where only you can hear. Not even the mirror can know, because the Sky might be listening, and you never want it to touch Dean. 

You love him. 

You’re going to have to find a way to tell yourself that in more silence, because it’s not helpful to repeat. You’re aware. It’s a given. You love Dean.

And you don’t know how you convince him to go without you for the seal case. It’s a lot of promises of phone calls and check-ins, plus the fact that Ruby’s going to be there, and Sam is—rightfully—under the impression that you’ll kill the moment you see her.

“She left me at the gas station. She’s the reason I didn’t get to Dean on time.” You hiss to Sam—Dean, Cas, and Bobby wrapping up in the kitchen—and he sighs.

“She got kicked out of her vessel by Lilith.” He mutters your name, and you scoff. 

You don’t believe him. 

More accurately, you don’t believe what Ruby’s told him. 

But it’s still the right call to sit out the seal case. The angels are still hunting you. Cas is likely risking a fair amount by looking into the Enochian, and it’s better not to draw attention while things are still so fragile. You lie low at Bobby’s for a few days while Sam gets the Firebird, and you keep to your rules. Dean sleeps in your bed, but you only hold him when he holds you first. He hovers at your side like your stitches may rip open if you breathe wrong, and you keep your glances at him measured and controlled, your flush under complete control.

When Jo calls you with a case—bunch of deaths at an opera house, sounding like a lich—you agree to it in a second.

It doesn’t matter how the Silver howls at the idea of leaving Dean’s side. It can’t affect work, and you miss Jo, so even as Dean glowers at you when you hang up, you’re going to go on that hunt.

“I can’t just sit here, De.” You mutter before he can even open his mouth. “Cas said it could take a week, and if the angels are looking for me I shouldn’t be doing the seals-“

“You safer here.” He cuts you off with a grunt. “There are wards, and Bobby can watch you-“

“I don’t need watching. And you don’t get to fucking bench me-“

“I’m not- Son of a bitch.” Dean lets out a long breath, leaning forward and holding your gaze. “Just come with us. I really don’t give a shit if you kill Ruby, I’m all for it, but you just got back-“

“Dean.” You sigh, keeping your tone soft. “I’m not leaving. You and Sam will work the seal, and I’ll be with Jo the whole time.”

“But-“

“She asked me to help. I’m going to. And,” you give him a pointed look. “You can’t stop me. You can either go with Sam, or come on this case with me, but you’re not keeping me here.”

“Bossy.” Dean mutters, and you’ve won.

You want to lean forward and kiss him—at least on the cheek as a thanks—but that would be overindulging. 

Sam’s back by that night, and when the morning comes, you split up once more.

“Call me if it goes south.” Dean mutters your name as you stand in front of the Impala, Sam already in the passenger’s seat.

“It won’t. I know what I’m doing, Winchester-“

“Yeah, I know, just-“ He sighs. “You heading out to New York?”

“Boston.” You correct. “Citizen’s Opera House. We’ll be fine, and you guys can join us if you finish first.”

Dean gives a tight nod and, right before he turns to climb into the Impala, he whips around and pulls you right back into a crushing hug.

You hug him back without a thought, and it’s not breaking a rule. He hugged you. 

“Come with us.” He mutters in your ear. “Fuck the angels and Ruby, it’s safer together-“

“Not for this, De.” You force yourself to peel back, giving him a soft, sad smile. “And I’ll be with Jo. She’ll have a gun.”

Dean’s mouth twitches slightly. You’ll take it.

He presses a kiss to your brow before he takes off, and you really are a monster. A dragon. Taking every bit of Gold Dean gives you and only craving more. You can’t let it show on your face, but he’s driving away, and you want him to turn around. 

He looks back. You see him glancing in the rearview mirror, and it’s all you can do to keep the Silver in your body as he vanishes down the road.

He’ll be fine. Sam won’t let him get hurt, won’t let him be taken away from you, even if Ruby’s there. And you did miss Jo—grinning at you from the motel sidewalk as you pull into the parking lot—but this might have been a mistake.

Because more than anyone, you want to tell Jo. 

The biggest point of the case—at least to you—is to mimic some normalcy. Sam and Dean are trying to stop Lilith from something to do with flowers blooming at night, and if you can’t be with them, you can’t just do nothing. And lich are easy—up until the very end—so most of the case can just be you and Jo talking, like nothing in the world is wrong at all.

“It’s like a scavenger hunt.” You tell her over breakfast, flipping through the evidence she’s already found. “It’ll have a bunch of artifacts it’s tethered its lifeforce to, and once we burn all of those, we find the lich and burn it.”

Jo frowns. “Will it be easy to tell? If it’s a magic corpse?”

“It can illusion itself.” You shrug. “But it’ll just be an illusion, so-“ You pause, glancing down at Jo’s eggs. “I’ll tell you later.”

She grimaces. “It’s gonna be real freakin’ gross, isn’t it.”

“I think it’ll be better if I don’t answer that.”

“Great.” Jo sighs, poking at her plate with her fork. “Ya know, I didn’t think Dean was gonna just let you go off alone.”

You roll your eyes. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say nothin’-“

“Yeah, but I know where you’re going with it.”

“What?” Jo gives you a mockingly innocent smile. “That you two should save us all and start suckin’ face- Shit!”

You laugh as she barely manages to doge one of your apple slices, aim right at her head. 

“Fuckin’- I just did my hair-“

“Well I warned you.” You stick out your tongue, a wide grin still splitting your face. “I told you to shut up, and you didn’t.”

“You just don’t want to hear the truth-“

“Because it’s not the truth.”

“God, you’re fuckin’ stupid for the smartest person I know.”

You scowl. “Hey-“

Jo cuts you off with raised brows. “How many times Dean called you, since you guys split up?”

You flush, and do the smart and mature thing.

Ignore her.

But it still scratches at your tongue. You want to tell Jo. To lean forward and whisper that you love Dean, like it’s not something complicated. Like you’re just two girls in your twenties, eating greasy diner food and gossiping about crushes and other pointless, normal things.

You’re not, though. The very next thing you do is grab your knife and a set of matches, then get in the car to go kill a magic corpse. 

The first day really is just a scavenger hunt.

“This place is freakin’ fancy,” Jo mutters in your ear, adjusting the black cap on her head, and you hum in agreement.

“Just act like you belong.” You whisper, scanning over the lobby. “We’re new staff. I’m in hair and makeup, you do sound.”

“I don’t know how to do sound-“

“You don’t have to know.” You shrug. “We just need as much backstage access as we can get.”

“Right. Smart.”

You shoot her a grin. “I know.”

Jo scoffs. “Shut up. How are we gonna know what’s one of those life-objects?”

“The normal effort is a lot of cutting your hand and seeing if the object eats your blood-“

“Eats your blood-“

“But.” You raise your brows, and Jo sighs. 

“You’ve got something else, don’t you.”

“Nope.” You give her a wide grin. “You’ve got me. And the life force is just a faded and split form of their souls. So…”

You spread your arms, and Jo just stares at you. “So what?”

“I can see souls, Jo.”

“Oh, shit, that’s right.” She gives you a grimacing smile. “I kinda forgot. Lot been happenin’ this year.”

“Yeah. That’s fair.” You let out a long sigh, rubbing your palm as you scan around the lobby. “Ready?”

Jo nods, and for such a fancy place, it’s shockingly easy to lie your way into a fake job. 

“I didn’t know we had new people.” The small, pretty girl—sitting at the front desk with a bow in her hair—smiles between you and Jo, and you’ve never seen someone’s teeth be so white. “They never tell me anything, though, so don’t worry about it.”

“They didn’t tell us much either,” you give her an innocent nervous smile, glancing back to Jo over your shoulder. “Do you know where we’re supposed to go?”

The girl waves her hand. “Just walk into the stage. If someone yells at you, tell them to actually tell Lacy things instead of just expecting her to deal.” She pauses. “I’m Lacy, by the way.”

“I guessed that.” You glance to the doors. “Just walk inside?”

“Yeah, um, wait-“ Lacy slides two badges across the desk. “Take these, and uh, be careful. We’ve been having a lot of accidents.”

You blink like you have no clue what she’s talking about, passing Jo one of the badges. “Accidents?”

“There’s been a lot of crew deaths, right?” Jo jumps in with a perfect, fake-worried expression. “Is it gonna be affectin’ the jobs?”

She’s gotten really good at this.

You’re proud.

Lacy shakes her head. “No, bosses say it’s business as usual. Just really bad luck.”

Bad luck doesn’t usually end up making corpses look like they’ve been dead five years. 

Lacy doesn’t need to worry about that.

“Jesus fuckin’ Mary.” Jo’s eyes widen as you step into the house, the stage large and shining ahead of you, rows of red velvet seats around you. “Can we actually just work here? For real?”

You snort. “After we kill the undead wizard, sure.” 

“Right.” She gives you a teasing look. “You think Dean would wanna work mechanics, so you can stay together-“

“I’m going to push you off the balcony.” You say in a flat tone, marching up towards the stage, and Jo laughs before running after you.

“That’s fuckin’ rude!”

“I’m not listening!” You call over your shoulder, not bothering to hide your smile, and push yourself up onto the stage. “There’s nothing in here, by the way.”

“What’d you-“

“No souls.” 

“Oh. Yeah.” Jo climbs up to your side, frowning around the house. “You know, I can play a mean triangle. Maybe they’d take me. Or- Dean told me you can sing, we can run away with the circus-“

“This is the literal opposite of a circus.” You mutter, turning to scan over the stage. “And Dean’s never heard me sing.”

You’re walking before Jo can push it further, because every single mention of Dean is going to make you want to tell her, and you can’t let this distract you from the job.

Lich cases really are easy, when you know what you’re doing. The first thing you find is a delicate, old hand mirror in a dressing room—crawling and twisting with faded gray tendrils—and Jo throws it against the wall before you can stop her.

“That do it?”

You poke one of the shards with your foot, and let out a long sigh. “Yeah. Somehow it did.”

“Awesome.” Jo grins at you, turning around the room with her gun in hand. “Now we fight?”

“There are going to be like, two or three more you know.”

“Three?” Jo gapes at you, and you snort. 

“Yep. Nothing else in here, though.” You start back towards the door, poking your head out the hall to check for other staff. “Jo?”

She sighs from behind you. “No more smashin’?”

You give her an apologetic look. “It’s kind of loud. And we can’t draw attention, or people will split us up.”

“But it’s fun, and it works-“

“You sound like Dean.”

“From you, I’m takin’ that as a compliment.”

You flush again, but you walked into that one.

You’re walking into most of these. The day passes quickly, and you manage to destroy another two artifacts—a comb and a fountain pen—before the building closes. There are no deaths when you leave for the night, but you really wish a stakeout was a plausible option, because most of the night is filled with Jo teasing about Dean.

Most of the whole next day is filled with teasing about Dean. You find a fancy gun with lifeforce, and Jo says you should give it to Dean. It doesn’t help that you would, if it didn’t need to be destroyed to kill the lich. It’s the exact type of gun Dean would like.

It wears off around the afternoon, though. Every single sweep of a room, you find another artifact, and it’s starting to drive you and Jo up the wall.

“You said three,” she grumbles as you drag another mirror into what you’ve deemed the destruction room. “This is more than three.”

You shrug, stepping back so Jo can smash, because she was right. It does work. “Yeah, well, this asshole must be strong.”

“How are we even gonna know when we’re done?”

“I’ll be able to see it, because all its lifeforce will be back inside its body.”

“So I don’t have to do the gross thing?”

You shake your head. “Once the objects are destroyed, you can’t do the gross thing.”

She frowns at you. “Which was?”

“Touching it.” You sigh, wiping your hands on your pants. “You’ll be able to. You know. Feel the deadness, right now.”

Jo wrinkles her nose. “But after?”

“It’ll make you the deadness.”

“Oh.” Jo blinks. “Fun.”

You hum, and move on to the next sweep. 

It doesn’t take all the artifacts being destroyed to work out who the lich is, though. Jo works it out herself by day three.

“Who even wears a monocle anymore.” You mutter, chucking this one at the wall yourself, and Jo tilts her head.

“I’ve seen an old guy doin’ it. The one who waves his hands, while the orchestra’s rehearsin’.”

You frown. “The conductor?”

“Yeah, him.” She pauses, staring into the air for a long second before speaking with slow, careful words. “That was his dressin’ room. And I ain’t seen that monocle on his face before. You don’t think-“

“If you think.” You shrug. “I’m on board. Be careful of the conductor.”

Jo grins, and you’re really proud of her. She’s got this whole case under control, to the point that she barely even needs you at all. She figures out that—as you keep looking everywhere, finding less and less with each sweep—it’s likely that there’s an instrument you won’t be able to get until the orchestras rehearsing again, and that you’ll have to be ready to fight the moment it goes down.

The lich hasn’t been killing since you showed up, though. It’s probably worked out that you’re not just new staff. Figuring out that it’s the conductor puts you back on even ground.

Jo figuring out that it’s the conductor.

You hadn’t even looked at the name on the dressing room, because Dean had texted you, and you’d gotten distracted.

You let yourself off the hook for that one, though. It wasn’t your love for Dean messing with your focus. It was the fact that he’d been blowing up your phone with how he was gonna fucking shoot Ruby in the face.

“I think you should.” You tell him over the phone that night, and he laughs through the speaker.

“I’m this freakin’ close, Princess. I’m serious. She’s a fucking bitch-“

“Do you want me to tell you not to?” You grin into the night air, leaning against the outside of the diner. “Because that would be lying, De, and lying is a sin-“

He snorts. “You were just telling me about how you spent the whole day committing property damage-“

“Which is a crime. Not a sin.”

“So you’re a criminal?”

You roll your eyes. “Shut up.”

“Nah, I wanna hear you admit it-“

“You’re gonna be waiting a long fucking time, Winchester.”

“Alright. I got patience.” You can hear his smile over the phone, and your fingers are still painted in his Gold. It’s going to drive you insane. “Oh, and text me the address of the motel you’re staying at. Me and Sammy are wrapping this up.”

You sigh, ignoring how the Silver start to riot at the very idea of Dean, here, holding you all day and through the night, and why did you suggest splitting up in the first place, you haven’t slept well all week, and all you do is dream of him anyway-

“Dean, you don’t have to-“

“I know. But I’m gonna. And if you don’t text me, I’ll make Sammy do his computer magic to track you down.”

You sigh. You know he’s not lying, and that makes all of this harder. “You’re being dramatic again.”

Dean pauses, muttering something you can’t make out, but raising his voice before you can ask what. “C’mon. Do it for Jo, least she’ll be happy to see me-“”

“I’ll be happy to see you, De.” You cut him off with a frown at the air. “But the seal was all the way in Kentucky-“

“And I love driving.”

“I know, but-“

“Please,” Dean mutters, and that’s it.

He wants to. It’s not indulging if he wants to.

“Sam and Dean are coming to help.” You tell Jo as you slide back into the booth, and her grin is shit-eating.

“Aw, he wants to see you,” she hums when you hang up, and you flip her off without a word.

It’s not effective. 

“You guys are so cute, runnin’ around after each other, and callin’ every night-“

“I got shot.” You mutter, tracing your fingers over your stomach. You haven’t tried to fully heal it with the Silver. At this point, it would be pointless anyway. “He calls to make sure I’m not dead.”

“Cause he loves-“

“Jo.” You shoot her a glare over the table, and she scoffs.

“Why don’t you think he loves you?”

“I don’t want to talk about this-“

“I do! He at least wants you!” She sighs, leaning forward and holding your gaze. “You’re supposed to be smart, you know. Whenever people ask me about you, they ask you know the smart girl that-“

Jo cuts herself off with a sudden, strange expression, and you narrow your eyes. “That what.”

“I don’t remember.” She mumbles lamely.

“Joanna-“

“You don’t wanna hear it.”

“Well now I have to-“

“That Dean Winchester’s obsessed with!” She blurts, giving you an apologetic expression, and the whole world stops for a second. 

Obsessed with. And you’re embedded in him. And he’d apologized, on his knees, and put you to bed and let you crawl all over him and had never wanted you to leave-

“You were kinda all he talked about, before you got back.” Jo sighs. “I’m kinda shocked you ain’t together, after all that. I mean, everyone’s seen it, and if they ain’t seen it, they’ve heard about how you damn near died tryin’ to save him, and how he’s always smilin’ more when you’re at the roadhouse with him.”

“Jo.” You whisper, and the Spiderweb feels like it’s crashing down, down, down all while building and pulsing with light. “Please don’t. I- Everything is so complicated, and I-“

You can’t say it aloud.

And Jo only gives you a soft smile, reaching across the table and holding your hand. She’s such a pretty, soft blue, when you look over at her. Smooth and gentle like water, but still running and turning faster than any other soul you’ve ever seen. 

“I know.” She mutters, and you feel a little like a child. “I just need you to know, cause, God, I ain’t gonna be able to handle another year of y’all starin’ at each other like lost puppies. You’re happier together, and he drove to freakin’ Texas for you, then begged you to come home.”

You sigh. “I shouldn’t have told you about that-“

“But ya did. And if a guy did that for me, I’d marry him.”

“I-“

“I’m not sayin’ you marry him now. I’m just saying thinkin’ he don’t at least want you is insane. But,” she leans back, shrugging and giving you a small smile. “We can talk about somethin’ else now. How’d you get shot, anyway?”

You pause, giving Jo a careful look. She’s really just moved on that fast, her brows raised as she takes a bite of her burger, and you let out a long sigh. “You can’t tell Dean.”

“Ooo, it’s a secret-“

“It’s not a secret, I just don’t want him to-“

“Worry?”

You flush, glaring down at your plate. “Shut up.”

“I’m teasin’.” Jo says your name, giving you a firm look. “When have I ever told one of your secrets?”

That’s a fair point. She hasn’t. And the Spiderweb is still raw in your body as the world grows more and more vibrant, so maybe your judgement is clouded, but maybe it’s just Jo. And you sort of trust her more than anyone in the world. 

And you tell her everything. Studying witchcraft, and trying to look for ways to bring back Dean. How ever has been Silver since he died but it’s all still so painful and hard to control, and Ketch and Davis chasing you then holding you captive. The books—you need to ask them how that panned out, actually—and Enochian and the months on the road.

You leave out the Spiderweb and the Sky and Cas’ visit, for the same reason you won’t tell Dean you love him. That’s not their problems. You won’t make things more complicated than they already are.

But you do mention seeing Dean in Hell, mostly because you have to tell someone.

“Like- In Hell?”

“Yeah,” you mutter. “And I, uh- I don’t think it was a dream thing. It was really realistic, and I saw-“

“You still don’t want him to know about this, right?”

You frown at her. “Yeah, wh-“

“Cause I can see Dean right now.”

Jo nods over your shoulder, you twist in your booth, and she right.

Dean’s standing at the door, his hands in his pockets as he scans over the diner, and when his eyes land on yours, a wide, bright grin splits his whole face.

You love him.

You’re going to fucking kill him. 

“We’ll finish later,” Jo whispers, and you give her a small nod right as Dean stops at your table. 

He’s so fucking pretty, grinning at you as he drops into at your side without a word, forcing you to scoot back so he doesn’t end up half on your lap, and looping his arm around the back of the booth like this is the most casual thing in the world. 

“What are two girls like you doing in a place like this, huh?”

“Dean.” You keep your voice firm, forcing yourself to ignore how he’s pressed his thigh right to yours without a thought. “You’re supposed to be in Kentucky.”

“Sammy’s got it. Rather be here anyway.” He shrugs like as if it’s nothing, already eyeing your fries because he’s a perfect idiot. “You ladies doin’ like a girls night or something?”

“We’re huntin’.” Jo says, crossing her arms and raising her chin, and you slide your plate over to Dean without a word.

He winks at you before he takes one.

You’re going to explode.

“I heard, kid. You know, extra hands never hurt-“

You snort. “Dean. What do you want.”

“Why do I have to want something.” His eyes flick right to yours, and he’s Golden, and you swallow. “Can’t I just be here-“

“What about Kentucky?” Jo pipes in, and Dean sighs.

“I already said Sam’s got it. What are we hunting?”

“We’re not hunting anything-“

“Lich.” 

You shoot Jo a glare, and she just shrugs. 

“We get to smash things,” she tells Dean, and he raises his brows.

“I can smash things, Princess.”

“Yeah, I know you can, De. Jo, if it’s just the instrument-“

“Then the lich is going to reveal itself.” She gives you a pointed look. “And the more people we have for that, the better.”

“Awesome.” Dean takes another fry, settling somehow further into the booth. Into you. “I’ll tell Sammy to call Bobby when he’s done, and we can gank this lich thingy.”

“Cool. But,” Jo shoots you a grin, and you’re going to kill her. “It’s funny you mentioned it, Dean, but we do have a girl’s night. You agree not to be a big whinin’ bitch about it, you can stay in our motel room.”

Dean pauses, glances over to you in a silent question, and death isn’t a firm enough fate for Jo. You’re going to leave her in a room with Bobby after you ask him about historical figures he thinks were secretly hunters or monsters.

You shouldn’t have trained her so well. It’s coming back to bite you in the fucking ass.

There’s nothing you can do but give Dean a small smile and nod—because he’s asking permission, but you split open the world if it meant not having to go another night without him on the other side of the bed—and mouth I hate you at Jo across the table. 

She only laughs, and you’re not going to kill her.

The rest of the night is going to kill you first.

Because you can’t stop seeing it, now that Jo has said something. Dean doesn’t ever just press into people like this, or offer anyone else fries with raised brows. And he fucking pouts when you say no, then grins when you roll your eyes and snatch the fry from his hand. Whenever Jo’s talking he’s listening, but you can’t stop staring at him from the corner of your eyes, and he glances over at you so often. And he helps you out of the booth, and pays the bill—you’ve never seen him volunteer to pay a bill, not unless he was trying to make a dramatic point—and walks you to your car like you don’t have a fucking knife in your jacket.

The jacket that’s always been yours, but he held onto when he didn’t even know if he’d see you again. And the knife he gave you, because he was worried about you.

His hand stays on your lower back with every step.

This isn’t good. 

Not when you can really never say it aloud.

Dean trails you back to the motel in the Impala, and while Jo had been exaggerating about girl’s night, you do have… rituals. 

There aren’t a lot of other girl hunters. And you love the men you’ve surrounded yourself with, but the one most secure in his masculinity is Rufus, and it’s still not pseudo-sleepover-secure. 

Because that’s a better description for this. Neither you nor Jo got real, stupid, fun sleepovers growing up, so it’s become a habit whenever you have a hunt together. A stupid game, or more stupid series of truth or dare—Dean is a banned truth topic for you, and get the most people to leave the bar is a banned dare topic for Jo after the fire incident—with snacks and a movie and-

“I am not doing a fuckin’ face mask.” Dean snaps at you, and you raise your brows as Jo snickers.

“You said you wouldn’t be a little bitch, Winchester.”

“I said whining bitch-“

“You’re still being a bitch.”

Dean scowls, eyeing the plastic in your hand like it’s a bomb set to go off. “What’s it even going to help with, my skin is fine-“

“Yeah, but it’s not-“ You glance down, having already forgotten which mask you chose. “Poreless.”

“I- I fuckin’ need my pores-“

“It’ll make you pretty, Dean.” Jo calls from her bed, and he flips her off. 

You sigh. “Not helpful, Jo.”

“Sorry, mom.”

Dean snorts, and you whack his arm.

“Whose side are you on, Winchester?”

He shrugs. “Whichever side gets me out of that mask, Princess.” 

“What if I say please?”

“Uh,” Dean sighs. “Maybe.”

“What if I say please,” you pout at him slightly, making your smile impossibly sweet. “And I promise not to stab you when you try to check my stitches later?”

“I wasn’t gonna-“ Dean cuts himself off at your pointed look, running a hand over his face. “Fine. But I get to actually check them, too.”

“Deal.” You lock your pinky with his quickly, shoving the mask into his hands before he can take it back. “Go wash your face.”

Dean doesn’t move. He only stares at you, and Spiderweb might as well be made of the Sun in your body, and your pinkies are still locked. His skin is rough, and warm, and feels right against yours, and he can’t look at you like that, or you’ll-

Jo coughs, and you pull yourself back together. 

“C’mon.” You fold your fingers fully through Dean’s and pull him after you into the motel bathroom. 

You sit on the sink for a better, and it’s a good excuse to touch him, as you smooth out the lines of the mask on his face. Taking more time than you need, with more careful fingers than necessary, because you just want to touch him a little longer. 

“Be honest.” He mutters as you move around his eyes, continuing after you hum an agreement. “I look stupid.”

“That’s not a question, De-“

“So I do look stupid-“

“You look very handsome.” You let your fingers trail down to his cheeks. “Stoic. Debonair and heroesque-“

“Alright, alright. I get it.”

“Everyone looks stupid in a face mask.” You mumble, pressing the sheet onto his brow. “You’re still working it pretty well.”

Dean gives you an odd look. “You’ll look good.”

It’s a good thing you didn’t bother with the full overhead light. Dean doesn’t need to see how your flush is spreading down your neck. “Thanks.”

He just shrugs, and the silence stretches on without tension as you try to focus on the mask, you’re touching him because of the mask, not to trace his sharp jawline and slightly crooked nose-

“Dad would kill me if he saw me now.” Dean chuckles suddenly, and your hands still on his face. 

“Because you’re with me?”

Dean shakes his head. “One of the reasons, yeah. Mostly cause I let Sammy talk me into ditching him for a girl.”

You frown at him. “Sam told you to go?”

“Apparently I was driving him insane.” Dean mutters. “He said he had it, and I should, uh, just freaking go to her.”

“Her?”

“You.”

You swallow, and he’s so close. You’re brushing over his lips as you keep holding his face, and the liquid of his mask is sticky, but you don’t really care. 

“Is my face supposed to be tingling?” He mutters, and pulls a soft giggle from your throat.

“Yep. That means it’s working.”

Dean frowns, but lets you keep touching him. And he does look handsome with the mask. It’s insane, and unfair, and even when you finish up, he doesn’t move away.

Neither of you are trying to move away.

And things are always complicated. They’ve always been complicated, but when he’s gotten the chance, Dean’s always stayed, and you can’t tell him that, but you have to tell him something-

“I’m really glad you’re alive.” You whisper, and he beams at you.

Full and happy and so fucking Dean—handsome and Golden and not yours, but still making the Spiderweb catch light and throw it around your body until you’re a little dizzy—and nothing about this is easy, but it still feels it. Dean is here, so pain is somehow foreign. 

You’re suddenly a little afraid of what you’d do to keep him safe, and away from the Sky, out of the angel’s reach.

“Yeah. I- I’m glad you’re alive, too.” He blinks, frowning into the air. “I mean- I’m glad we’re both alive. Uh, together.”

You smile at him, and in the low light of the bathroom, it’s a little like he has a halo.

You still don’t know what his soul is made of. You don’t really care. 

It’s still Dean all the same.

“All the way down.” You take a careful step back, but you’re cruel to yourself, so you let your hand fall back into his. 

It’s his gravity.

You’re never going to be able to pull away.

And if you could, you’d never able to bring yourself to try.

Because he grins, and says it back with a squeeze of your hand. 

“All the way down.”

And you know. It doesn’t matter what Cas comes back saying you are, or what heaven or hell wants from you. You know what you are. 

Dean’s.

You’ll be damnation or salvation or a whore or a monster for him. You’ll be wrathful god if that’s what it comes to. But you’ll be his.

All the way down.

——————

She’d fallen asleep on Dean’s chest. 

At some point during the movie She started to lean into him, and Dean could never be strong enough to push Her away. When Her eyes had started to flutter shut and Her face had angled in his body, he’d pulled her a little closer. When she’d let out a small, soft sigh, he’d been certain that the world could crumble and collapse around them, but he would just stay right fucking here.

Jo had been giving Dean smug, pointed looks when Her arms had wrapped around his stomach. And when he’d carefully moved his hand to brush a little hair from Her face, he’d kept his words to Jo low.

He didn’t want to wake Her up. Not when She was sleeping this well.

“Don’t say a freakin’ word.”

Jo had let out a soft laugh, her gaze never moving from the chick flick on the TV. “I ain’t said nothin’.”

“If you tell Bobby, he’ll-“

“Like Bobby don’t already know.” Jo had scoffed. “He’s old, not blind and stupid.”

Dean had swallowed—Bobby couldn’t know, nobody really knew—but kept going. “Fine, but if you tell Sam about anything tonight-“

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep all the girly stuff you did to myself.” 

“Okay-“

“But I am gonna tell him about this.” 

Jo had waved a loose hand to Her and Dean—their bodies now fully curled together, Her breathing even and steady, one of Dean’s hand stroking carefully through Her hair—and Dean’s jaw had clenched.

The only thing that has kept him from yelling at Jo was Her. She’d stirred slightly as he tensed, and he couldn’t disturb Her. 

And, selfishly, he couldn’t ruin this for himself.

This was the part of being Her shadow that he’d always wanted, but never dared to ask for. The part that was softer, and bloodless, and gave Her even more. Where he got to hold Her and touch her like no one else, and She was safe as long as Dean was at her side. The part that could maybe lead to his hands on bare, soft skin, to Dean being allowed to kiss a little more than Her brow when he could get away with it. 

He didn’t know how to earn that. Hell, he hadn’t even earned this. He could never fucking earn it. She’d told him that She was what they hunted, but that was fucking insane because nobody in their right mind could want to hurt Her. It would take more than a monster to grab something rare and beautiful and destroy it, rather than orbit around it and follow it all the way to the edge of the earth, then down. Dean was the one who’d barely become better than a demon, but the very last fucking thing separating him from the black-eyed sons of bitches was that he still had things to defend. 

No matter how Sammy was driving him insane with the Ruby bullshit, Dean still defended him because that was what he did. Sam was still a kid, and he was smart as shit but he could never handle all the blood and guts the same way Dean was crafted for them. It was the same way She fit so well into Dean, but She could never been made for the mud and darkness. Dean was Her shadow to keep as much of that from Her hands as he could. 

She’d chosen to be here, with Dean. To come home and forgive him for things She shouldn’t ever have to know about, and the angels could forget all their fucking plans, because if She told Dean she wanted Lilith to open the seals and to let the world burn, he’d let it fall apart without a single fucking question.

And She wouldn’t do that. She was made of too many good things, and full of too much light to want the world to be ash. It wouldn’t be any place for Her, so Dean wouldn’t let it happen. 

This was the place for Her.

At Dean’s side, where he could watch over Her and silently crave more until She decided he’d earned it. Because it would never matter what Dean had done until She said it was too far, then the last piece of him that Alistair hadn’t carved into would become the very ash he was trying to save Her from.

“You call her Princess, don’t you.” Alistair sneered, and Dean didn’t respond, only staring at the different weapons before him. “Answer me, boy.”

He hadn’t. It was one of the last lines Dean had for himself. He’d rip himself and a million other souls apart, but he’d never let Alistair touch on the fucking idea of Her or Sammy. It was his last apology to them. The last way he had to protect them, when—if they saw him now—he’d beg them to drive Ruby’s knife right into his ribs to save themselves.

His silence always ended with a little extra torment. Dean could live—or die—with that. It was what he deserved.

“I’ve warned ya.” Alistair hissed Her name in his ear after. “She’d got a special spot on my rack, when I drag her down here. I might not be supposed to hurt her, but I ain’t ever cared ‘bout the rules before. Nothing gonna fuckin’ stop me anyway.”

Dean had tensed, and Alistair had laughed in his ear.

“You think you’re gonna save her? That she’d want you to save her? Be your Princess’s shining white knight and sweep her away into the sunset? Here’s a new lesson for you, Dean. Nothin’ can save her, and if I’m bein’ honest, she might be better off down here, with me. I’m not man of god, and maybe,” Alistair’s breath had been hot over Dean’s face as he’d been yanked up by his hair. “That’s exactly what she fuckin’ needs. Maybe she’ll beg me to hurt her. I’ve heard what a little masochist that one is.”

Dean jolted awake in a cold sweat, the sound of Alistair’s laughter still echoing around his skull. It was just another nightmare. She was still right at his side. His hand was touching the bare skin of Her arm, and when he dared to draw small circles with his thumb, She hummed and let out a soft sound Dean would like to hear for the rest of his life. 

Cas needed to hurry up on that translation. The sooner they had better idea of what She was, the sooner Dean could handle those certain nightmares better. 

They’d never go away.

But at least he’d be able to wake up, look at Her, and know nothing would touch Her. That Lilith couldn’t grab Her and use her against them, and the angels might not want Her around, but they could never hurt Her, and She was—as long as he used all the sharper and bloodied parts of himself right—safe at Dean’s side. 

Or across the room from him, or in his car, or holding his hand and pulling him into the fanciest fucking building he’d ever seen. Wherever he could see Her, and orbit around Her. 

Maybe crash down to his knees before Her, because that had worked real well in his favor last time, and there was really no other proper response to Her when she looked like that.

She really was a fucking Princess. This dress was worse than the one last year. Silk, falling over Her body like it was made for Her—most of the world was—and showing Dean too much for him to properly, but still not enough to satiate him, because was a greedy son of a bitch.

He didn’t have a goddamn clue where She’d gotten such fancy outfits on such a short notice, but he knew his tie wasn’t strangling at his throat because She’d carefully adjusted it before they left the motel. Standing only a long breath away, every bit of Her blinding and beautiful as she chewed at Her lower lip, going over the plan one last time.

“There might be multiple instruments.” She’d said, glancing over her shoulder to Jo, who was working on balancing  in her heels. “Once I find what they are, we have to move fast. Smash them, burn them, whatever you need to do. Then the conductor will be in raw form, and if I can see him, I’ll give you the all clear to burn him. Dean, we have to take separate cars-“

Dean had scowled. “No-“

“We’re about to burn a man alive at a public event.” She’d said with a flat voice. “Once we finish, we have to book it. And I am not making Sam take the bus again. Finally,” Her fingers had stilled on Dean’s chest, Her voice dropping to a soft, firm tone. “Don’t let it touch you. It’ll turn you into a puppet corpse.”

Jo had gaped at Her. “A what-“

“Puppet corpse.” She’d sighed. “It’ll kill you then use your body like a puppet.”

“Oh. Gross.”

Dean had cleared his throat. “Can we go back to the car thing-“

“No.” She’d turned on Her heels, tangled Her hand in Dean’s, and pulled him out the door.

And Alistair hadn’t been wrong that Dean wasn’t a white knight, but he was still Her’s. She was brilliant, and as long as it wasn’t putting Her in direct danger, Dean would do whatever the hell She asked. If She needed an army, he’d been a million fucking soldiers. If She needed a guard, he’d turn into a shield.

If She needed him to stand off to the side of a stage while a lady sang in loud, high sounds and She frowned the orchestra, he’d do that. 

He was even allowed to keep his hand on Her lower back. 

“De.” She whispered, tugging at the sleeve of his jacket, and he glanced down to see Her attention fully fixed on the area below them. “It’s the harp.”

Dean followed Her gaze to the instrument. “You sure?”

She nodded, and Jo’s voice crackled in their ears. “Is there only one?”

“Yeah.” She whispered, scanning slowly over the area once more. “But- Shit, there are so many people here, Dean we’ve gotta-“

Dean nodded. “Jo, you’re in the sound booth thing, right?”

“Uh huh. I think I’m actually gettin’ the hang of this, too.” Jo hummed Her name. “Turns out I can do sound. You want me to steal more earpieces before we go?”

A small smile tugged at Her lips, and She gave Dean an amused look as she spoke. “We’ve already stolen three, and we’re about to totally ruin their performance. I think that’s enough.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Jo paused. “Were you tryin’ to talk to me, Dean?”

She giggled, eyes dancing with amusement, and Dean couldn’t really be that annoyed if this was making Her so happy. “Yeah, I’m thinking you can cut all the sound to the audience, we can run out, get it done in the confusion, then get out.”

“That’s good,” She muttered with a nod, and Dean stood a little taller. “Maybe- Jo, can you just amplify the speakers? If you get them loud enough it’ll start a feedback loop, and we’ll get a good-“

“Cover?” Jo finished Her sentence, and Dean could hear the grin in the girl’s voice. “On it. You want a countdown?”

“One second.” She turned to Dean with a firm, determined look. “Go for the harp. I’ll take care of the conductor.”

There was no fucking way Dean was letting Her do the more dangerous thing. That was supposed to be what he was here for-

“And before you argue, if it’s not the conductor, I’ll be able to see who it is. You won’t.”

Son of a bitch, that was a good point. And She had that shining, fluttering look in Her eyes as Dean just glared at Her, the one where she knew She’d already won. “Princess-“

“Please, De.” 

God fucking damnit. “Fine.”

She gave him a wide, sweet smile, and raised Her hand to her ear. “Ready, Jo. Turn it up.”

“Alright.” Jo hummed, and Dean’s fingers started to curl onto the bare skin of Her back. “Three.”

Dean didn’t like this. Something was tight in his gut, and She’d hunted these things before and been just fine alone—with Dean or Jo there to help Her—but this felt wrong-

“Two-“

He muttered Her name, and She gave him a smile, and it was only making him feel sick because something was off about this-

“Go.”

A loud, screeching noise echoed through the theatre, people started shouting as it pierced into their skulls, and Dean had to force himself not to grab Her and hold her to his chest until it all just passed. 

None of this would pass unless he did his job.

Smash the harp. All Dean had to do was smash the fucking harp. Break it into pieces so She could burn this lich asshole.

Dean could break something. He really was good at breaking things, and breaking something for Her might be the easiest job he’d ever had.

He ran into the pit, shoving his way through the orchestra and ignoring people shouts of protest. His ears felt like they were going to fucking bleed, but he’d felt worse, so Dean pushed through it. 

The harp was heavier than Dean had thought it would be, when he reached it.

It still broke easy.

Dean threw his whole body against it, the instrument fell to the floor, and when the first piece of wood snapped off, all hell broke loose. 

People were screaming and running around—that had been a given, the rich idiots probably thought they were under attack—but over all of it, Dean could hear Her, shouting his name.

He turned right in time to see the conductor running right towards him, hands outstretched, and fuck-

Dean dodged as She screamed, and started to fumble in his pockets for his lighter, where was his fucking lighter, he was tripping over abandoned trumpets and seats as the conductor continued to swing at him, and where the fuck was his lighter-

There was another scream of his name, and Dean looked up to see the conductor only fucking inches away, and that couldn’t be good, but right before slightly shriveled hands closed around Dean’s face, the man stumbled back and screeched.

Loud, and echoing through the theater, his whole body writhing, seeming to flicker and wither and-

“Son of a bitch.” Dean muttered as the lich’s illusion fully faded, his body a sticky, browned and boned corpse. “You’re one ugly asshole.”

The lich only screeched again, and as it fell to its knees, Dean looked up to find Her standing on the edge of the stage.

Dean had only seen Her use her thing once, when Lilith had attacked them. And that had only been a primal, feral scream ripping through Her body as Lilith released him with a cruel laugh.

This was different. 

There was no proper way to describe it, but She didn’t look like a human. Or a monster. Or a demon, or angel, or witch.

She looked like Her, turned up to a goddamn million. Everything closer to Her body was more colorful. Her hair was impossibly shinier, and Her skin seemed to be glowing, and Her eyes were fucking bright. 

Her pupils weren’t black anymore. They were silver. 

Dean had never seen anything more terrifyingly beautiful in his life. And when the lich turned to slime at their feet—sinking back into the floor and vanishing like there had never been anything at all—whatever had been amplifying Her seemed to collect back into Her body, her eyes focused right on Dean’s.

He almost fell to his knees again. This was the siren or goddess he’d been silently worshipping since he met Her. This was the royal, ethereal woman he wanted to serve for the rest of with worthless life. And it was just Her, but it was all of Her, and Dean wanted fucking all of Her-

He didn’t see it until it was too late. 

The woman behind Her. 

Not a woman. The illusion of a small young woman—white-teethed with a bow in her hair—vanished the moment the lich grabbed Her around the wrist.

There were two. 

There were fucking two, and Dean wasn’t goddamn fast enough.

The only reason he could hear his roar over the blood in his ears was because it echoed around the theater. And She wasn’t even fucking fighting the thing, She’d gone slack and pale, and Dean was sprinting over the abandoned instruments to get to Her, yanking his gun from his jacket and aiming it right at the ugly bitch’s fucking face.

The shots didn’t kill it, but the lich released Her and stumbled back, falling right on the floor as Jo sprinted out from the backstage.

Jo’s lighter dropped, and the lich died with a scream.

But the fire didn’t slow or die. It only spread across the stage, and Dean was going to have to add arson to his rap sheet again, but he really didn’t fucking care.

All that mattered was Her, pallid and backed into the wall, rubbing at her wrists like she’d been branded.

Dean wasn’t sure if the whole corpse puppet thing was contagious.

That was another thing he really didn’t fucking care about.

“Hey,” Dean muttered Her name as he grabbed her face between his hands, forcing Her slightly glazed eyes onto his. “You’re gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay-“

“It touched me.” She cut him off with a whisper, and Dean’s grip tightened. “Dean, it touched me-“

“I know.” He grunted. “I know, Princess, but it’s- we’ll fix it.”

She shook Her head, still scratching at Her wrists and Dean did the only thing he could think of. He stroked his thumb down the bridge of Her nose until her breathing was relaxed, and she’d slumped forward into his arms.

“Dean?” Jo called from behind them. “I- uh, we should go before the building burns down.”

Dean nodded an acknowledgment, but She wouldn’t be able to run. She was too pale, shaking in his arms and starting to draw blood with Her nails- 

He knocked Her hand away, She made a whining noise, and this was not allowed to be it. He was not fucking losing Her like this, he’d call another fucking demon deal or trap a million fucking angels until they performed a miracle, or-

Cas. He needed to call Cas. 

But first, he had to get Her out before the building killed all three of them. 

Dean pressed a quick kiss to Her brow, and hauled Her up bridal-style into his arms, and the moment Jo was at his side he was moving. Out the back into the cold air of an alley, down the streets until they were at the Impala and the Firebird. 

“Here’s the plan.” He grunted, raising up to face a pale-faced Jo on the sidewalk. “You’re taking her car. Drive for forty minutes west, then stop at the first motel you see. Call Sam on the drive, tell him what happened.”

Jo nodded, catching Her keys with shaking hands. “What about- Dean, I’m- We thought there was one-“

“Jo.” He snapped. “Just fucking go.”

“Is she gonna be okay-“

“Yes. Go.”

Dean’s short, firm words got Jo to move, but he didn’t have a fucking clue if She was going to be okay. She wasn’t turning into a corpse, but She was still colorless and silent, and Dean was praying to Cas the whole fucking ride but they didn’t have a goddamn timeline on this, it might already be over-

It couldn’t be over. Dean had only just gotten Her back, and he’d meant it.

He wasn’t losing Her.

She’d know how to fix this. She knew everything, and She was a genius, so if Dean could get Her to speak, he’d do whatever she said needed to be done to fix this.

Jo met them right where she was supposed to, and Dean gave short orders for her to just keep fucking praying to Cas until he showed up. 

“C’mon.” He muttered Her name, moving her to the edge of the bed and kneeling down, keeping his thumb running down her nose and scanning over Her slack face. “I need you to talk to me, I don’t have a fucking clue how to do this, Princess, I- I fucking need you, c’mon-“

Something was wrapping around Dean’s lungs. He wouldn’t fucking lose Her. Not like this. It was all his head could loop around because fuck, this would kill Jo, and he’d never be able to look at Bobby again, and he would’ve gotten Her back for barely a week just to prove Alistair right.

She was better anywhere without Dean. He’d do anything for Her, but anything wasn’t enough, and She’d survived all those months without him, but the moment he’d gotten back he’d killed Her, he’d fucking broken the one that had always seemed permanent, and he was a vile piece of shit from lower than the mud, and Dad should’ve killed him. Instead of threatening and hurting Her, Dad should’ve pressed a barrel to Dean’s head and shot him. It would’ve saved everyone a whole lot of grief if Dad had gotten some fucking clarity and killed Dean instead, or just let him die in that goddamn hospital-

“Dean.” She whispered, blinding eyes finally focusing on his. “You need to go.”

He stared at Her. “What.”

“Before it hits. I- I can’t feel it, but once it kicks in-“

“You’re going to be fine.” He snapped. This wasn’t a conversation he was going to have, because it wouldn’t matter when She was fine, and they were driving back to Bobby’s like nothing had happened at all. “Cas is coming, and I’ll grab whatever we need to slow this down-“

“There’s no slowing it down.” She gave him a small smile, and Dean’s heart might be trying to claw its way out of his throat. “It’ll be better to burn me. So nothing finds my body.”

“Shut up.” He grunted, his hands tightening on Her thighs. She wasn’t moving away, and maybe if he held tight enough, that would keep Her together. “We’ll fix this, there’s always a way to fix this-“

“Not here, De. I- I’m-“ She started to rub Her wrists, letting out a slow breath. “I could do it myself, but I can’t even feel it, I’d have to feel it to know what to fix-“

“Then maybe you’re fine-“

“I don’t want to risk it.” She mumbled. “Please go.”

“No.”

“Dean-“

“I’m staying right fucking here.” He hissed, rising up on his knees to look Her in the eyes. “And that’s it. You try to kick me out and I’ll come right back in, Princess, I did not spend so goddamn long waiting for you only to lose you-“

“You can’t lose me.” She whispered. “You’ve never been able to lose me. I-“ 

She swallowed, Her eyes starting to go glossy, and Dean wouldn’t let the sting in his own take over. There was nothing to mourn about, because She was going to be fine-

“I’m here.” She pressed Her hand to his chest, and he wasn’t breathing. “All the way down.”

Dean stared at Her. 

He didn’t have enough words for Her beauty. He never had. He’d never been good at words, or saying the right thing, or knowing when to stop or how to keep something. And he’d let the world use him and beat him however it wanted—crawl right back onto Alistair’s rack or pick up only torture instrument until he was a demon—if he got to break that last pattern. Dean could replace words with actions, replace saying the right thing with doing the right thing, and replace knowing when to stop with going until his soul gave out. 

He couldn’t replace Her. Keeping Her was the only option, if She’d have him.

But losing Her to something other than Her own will was simply not on the goddamn table.

Dean had prayed before. Since the angels had showed up, he’d been praying to Cas a lot. 

But he’d never prayed to God. 

And it was all he could do now. This wouldn’t be it. Nothing holy or good owed Dean any favors, but the fucking universe owed Her. It couldn’t let Her go, because She was too good for all of it, and Dean needed Her.

She was the universe. She was bigger and brighter than God, and wherever the hell that asshole was—if he was even real at all—he better be fucking listening because Dean needed Her, and maybe She was God and he just needed to pray and worship Her instead.

The thought moved through Dean’s whole body. He needed to tend to Her. That was what he could see. What he could know. What he’d always known. 

He rose slowly, never breaking Her gaze. Giving Her time to move away as he inched closer, cupping one hand on Her face and bracing the other on the mattress, stopping where if he spoke, Dean’s lips would brush Her’s.

There was no mistaking what he was daring to attempt. No way for Her to miss it, and be caught off guard. A long, strained moment where Dean gave Her the chance to shove him away and curse his name back to Hell, and at least then he’d know. That he’d always be in Her orbit, but to Her, Dean was just another thing, trying to sit in Her light. 

But She wasn’t moving. Her eyes were wide on his, yet She wasn’t looking away. Her fingers were curled on his shirt, and Her breath was heavy from her nostrils.

He licked his lips because he couldn’t fucking help himself, and She flushed, Her breath hitching, and Her mouth falling slightly open.

There it was.

Dean crashed down, and kissed Her.

And he’d never been good with words.

But this didn’t need any.

It was all movement and feeling. Her lips fit even better against Dean’s than he’d ever been able to imagine, and every single bit of desperation he threw into Her, she threw right fucking back. Dean bit at Her lower lip and She moaned, right down his fucking throat as She opened further for him, but when Dean got to press his tongue into Her mouth and have more, She pulled it between Her teeth and swallowed Dean’s groan with the best sound he’d ever fucking heard escaping from her throat. 

She tasted like coffee and sugar and that fucking fruit, Dean could taste the fruit and he was going to get addicted, but there were worse fucking vices to have. At least this one had Her wrapping an arm around his neck and tugging at his shirt to get him closer, She wanted Dean closer and he’d have to be fucking insane to deny Her.

When he pushed deeper, moving Her down to lie flat on Her back and never fucking breaking the kiss, She let him. She let Dean have fucking all of it. He got to overtake Her quickly, and She was responding to all his silents pleas for more and shivering under his touch when he grabbed Her waist and trailed his fingers down, down, down, to the bare skin of Her thighs-

“Dean.” She gasped against him, arching slightly off the mattress, and if God didn’t take his prayer, Dean would put all his torture skills to some good fucking use until the son of a bitch promised to never let anything hurt Her again. 

Until then he’d keep Her caged safely between the mattress and his body, devouring every single sound he was learning so fast to pull from Her body with only his mouth. They were all somehow better than last, and Dean had never felt this fucking high from just a kiss-

A foreign noise breached through Dean’s skull, and he sat up in half a second, pulling Her with him and burying Her tight into his chest. Anything that wasn’t Her or Dean was a fucking threat and-

It was Jo. When Dean twisted around with a deadly glower it was just Jo, and maybe he’d gotten a little too intense about that. 

But She was still in danger. The lich had still touched Her.

“Dean." She shoved at his chest, Her words muffled in his body, and he loosened his grip until She could twist against him.

But She stayed against him. Small victories.

“How, uh-“ She swallowed, and Dean glanced down to see Her rubbing at her wrists. “How long have you been there?”

“Few minutes.” Jo mumbled, staring at the floor, and Dean realized the girl’s whole face was red. “I’m sorry, I just- I didn’t stop it cause I was happy for you, but then I realized it was just gonna keep goin’, and, uh, sorry-“

“Jo.” Dean muttered. “What-“

“Cas is here.” Jo gave Dean a nervous look. “I prayed to him.” 

Dean sat a little taller. She would be fine. “Tell him to get his angel-ass in here and fix her-“

“There is nothing to fix.” Cas was very suddenly in the room, and Jo squeaked in surprise.

“Fuckin’ Christ-“

“My apologies.” Cas said with a small, grimacing frown. “You told me to wait until I was summoned, and Dean did just say to get my ass in here. My ass can’t be here without the rest of me, so-“

“Cas.” Dean gave him a flat look. “Focus. What’d you mean there’s nothing to fix-“

Cas said Her name slowly. “She is in perfect health.”

She frowned. “But the lich-“

“You are not in danger of any lich infection.” Cas shrugged. “It is not possible for your kind to succumb to any sort of preternatural disease, curse, or weapon. At most you will have felt a little sick, but it will have already passed.”

“My-“ She cut Herself off, setting up tall and straight, and Dean caught it. 

What Cas had implied. .

“My kind?” She whispered, Her eyes wide. “Did you- You figured out what I am?”

Cas sighed, and nodded. “I cannot offer a full explanation- The word you gave me is ancient. Uncommon. I would not call it taboo, but it is mostly lost with purpose.”

Dean frowned. “You mean on purpose?”

“No, Dean. With purpose. It has been deemed better for mortals to know as little as possible. Even we are not fully able to comprehend it.”

“Cas.” She muttered, rubbing Her thumb over her palm. “Please just say it.”

Cas let out a long breath. “You are the Magdalene.” He said Her name, watching her carefully as he continued. “They are the oldest and rarest breed of witch, although witch is a… crude term. You are made of the magic witches learn to harness.”

She swallowed, Her voice impossibly soft. “I- I’m a Magdalene.”

“No. You are the Magdalene.”

“Cas.” Dean grunted. “What the hell are you talking about.”

Cas sighed, still not moving from his place beside a wide-eyed Jo. “There is nothing in heaven’s record or knowledge about where Magdalene’s come from. They simply… are. Impossibly rare, and powerful. Dangerous. There is maybe one born every five hundred years, with the rare exception of two existing at once around the end of what your historians call the Common Era.” Cas said Her name again, and Dean was a little worried She wasn’t breathing. “You are the most powerful one recorded.”

“Oh.” She mumbled. “Cool. I- Doesn’t that probably mean whatever, um, Magdalene comes after me will be more powerful?”

Cas shook his head. “Heaven has monitored Magdalene’s since Lilith-“

Dean went rigid. “Lilith? What the hell does that bitch have to do with-“

“She’s a Magdalene, isn’t she.” Her words were still soft, Her attention still trained on Cas. “She said she was like me. That I was her descendent.”

Cas gave Her a grimacing, apologetic nod. “It is a biological trait, yes. There are complexities to it I do not think you’ll care to understand, but before Lilith was a demon, she was the first Magdalene. She had daughters, and they had daughters, and-“

“It led to me.” She muttered, and Cas nodded.

“The birth of a Magdalene has always heralded danger. Change. Lilith brought on demons, Avva, a goat-keeper in Sumar, brought on writing and calendars, and a consort in ancient China name Fu Hau introduced witchcraft to non-natural born-“

Dean sighed. “Man, we’re not here for a history lesson-“

“I am getting to my point, Dean.” Cas’ voice remained flat, his attention returning to Her. “The most powerful Magdalene’s before you were Cleopatra VII Thea Philopato, who brought about the Roman Empire, and Mary-“

“Magdalene.” She finished, Her eyes widening. “Is it- If it’s that old, how can it be named after her?”

“It isn’t.” Cas shrugged. “Magdala was the home of Lilith, as a human. It is simply what you would call coincidence.”

“Cas.” Dean grunted. “The point.”

Cas sighed. “Mary brought on the invention of the human religion, Christianity, which has been… impactful. Both her soul, and that of Cleopatra’s, had a sliver of the Magdalene power.”

Jo frowned, her voice small as she jumped in. “A sliver? How much is in a sliver?”

“My best estimate would be 2.159%.” Cas said. “Although I do not think Dean would want a math lesson on top of my history.”

Dean rolled his eyes, and She let out a soft laugh, even as Her nails started to dig into Dean’s skin.

Better than it being Her own.

“Cas?” She said carefully, and they were already looking at each other like there was a silent conversation Dean and Jo weren’t allowed to be a part of. 

Cas said Her name, bowing his head slightly, and She swallowed.

“How much of my soul is… Magdalene.”

“Half.” Cas muttered, giving Her an apologetic look, and She was going to draw blood. “And from what I have found, that should not be possible.”

“Oh.” She was almost fully curling into Dean’s body. He chanced one arm snaking around Her side, and She held it there.

Small, horrible victories. 

“It is likely why you were able to walk into Hell.” Cas said, looking only at Her, and Dean froze.

“What’d you mean, walk into Hell.” He hissed, looking between Her and Cas. “You’ve never been to Hell, Princess, and nobody just walks in-“

“I- I know, De, just-“ She shot Cas a glare. “You have horrible timing.”

Cas frowned. “I will- is that something to improve?”

“Yes. We’ll talk about it later.” She sighed, giving Dean a careful, soft expression that made something in him balk.

She couldn’t have walked into Hell. Something would’ve grabbed Her, Alistair would’ve known and seen Her and hurt Her, and Dean felt like a million fucking bricks were being pressed down onto his chest. 

“I sort of,” She took a deep, long breath, and whatever it was, Dean kind of didn’t want to hear it. “Could see you, sometimes. In Hell.”

“See me.” He grunted, and She nodded. “When.”

“Every night.” She whispered. “I was- I saw Cas saving you. That’s how he knows.”

She wasn’t lying. 

And there wasn’t a place low enough for Dean in the universe. She’d seen everything. And he’d be able to just beat himself and ignore the bruises if it hands only been his torture, but She’d seen parts of what he’d done. The souls he’d ripped and broken, and there had to be something worse than Hell, for things like Dean. 

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled, and She wasn’t pulling away. 

Dean didn’t know why She wasn’t pulling away. This was the reason. More than an out, a neon sign begging Her to take the exit door, yet She was still here.

He’d never understand Her. She wasn’t caving under any of this, just looking back to Cas and staying pressed to Dean, and She knew, She’s known, how has She known and not fucking left-

“What now?” She asked, and Dean had to focus.

It wasn’t about him, now. If he was going to keep doing the shadow thing right, it was about Her.

“You will need to be careful.” Cas said slowly. “There is more, that I was not able to access, and once it is known that you have reunited with the Winchester’s, precautions may be taken.”

“What-“

“I am not able to say, but mostly because I do not know. I have already lingered too long. Jo. Dean,” Cas gave them both nods, then said Her name with the same movement. “We will talk later.”

She blinked, something flashing over Her face that Dean didn’t understand, and Cas vanished. 

None of them spoke. There was nothing to say. Too much had changed from the morning, and it was all so fucking complicated, and God, Dean really fucking hated that word.

But She was still in Dean’s arms. A hand over his on Her stomach, that fucking fruit smell invading his sense as She leaned slightly further into his body. Into Dean.

So as long as he could manage, Dean wasn’t going to let Her go.

End Note: The emotional whiplash Dean just went through... someone get him like a blanket or something. (Also 300k words to kiss. They're insane)

Thank you so so so much for reading!! If you like this story, please reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3

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[miradanii]

Transformers MTMTE (2012) read

I finished it. I still have more but I finished...I thought I'd have another break but I was already at Issue #50 and 6 hours later I was not as emotional compared to Issue #47 while in the car to Kings Hawaiian but it was close.

I loved it. I have the Lost Light left but I've been switching back and forth from different series. It's been a whirlwind getting into comics like this.

My only gripe is that this series is out of print and I guess I'm going to go on a long search to hunt this series down without it being expensive in the process.

More thoughts below. And spoilers. A lot of them.

I think I liked the series a lot more after Dark Cybertron. Not because of my horrific miss of story beats, but it got funnier??? I dunno I guess I was laughing more. Maybe it's the Cheers reference that sent me.

And apologies to Swerve. Each chapter to a point he had been doing recaps with the same illustration of him. Because said recap and I was reading issues back to back I tended to skip it. Course the author puts one in the middle of the damn comic to show it was a character thing...course he would.

Cyclonus and Tailgate :(((

They love each other so much ♡♡♡

I was okay on Whirl for a while. I think he has a sick design but I think personally for me to get attached to a character out of the 50 or so they have to balance they gotta have that sweet sweet moment that gets you to their side and it's the frienemy relationship he has with Cyclonus. And so fucking smart. Using his Avatar to warn Cyclonus. I wish I had a physical copy of that issue. Most of them actually. Please...these comics need to be reprinted. Lend the rights to let these damn comics to be printed. It's fucking criminal that it isn't.

I understand the flowers now. Wow. I saw them before and the tweet Alex Milne saying Optimus Prime should have the same amount. Imagine the convo between him and Megs about it. Is there? Idk I haven't read Lost Light yet.

The character exploration continues to facinate me. And surprisingly a very fun one for other characters to bounce off of. A cat dad, Rodimus' bbsitter, on the same wavelength of Ultra Magnus. Like its fun. Yeah okay a mass galactic murderer going on a Space cruise is not a punishment. However, we have other characters that point this out throughout the rest of the series. And the biggest however being you can't have a series without Megatron being in it with some capactiy. So what do you do? Chuck him in with the hooligans and see what he does sitcom style. And it's great. It's fun and I loved it. As well as the mental punishments he gets from it, too, due to sitcom hooligans.

I think its a popular moment but I have seen the panels with Megatron talking to Optimus out of context. Before reading the series I genuinely thought this was a Flashback to the past since...ya know it's all casual. I guess I was half right. The comfortability. The pleasure to talk to someone who could have been your friend without the shitty history. It's scenes like this that make the series so great. The ability to make genuine moments like these in a story.

The last interaction with Megatron I really like is Rachet. Rachet knowing Megatron is a paranoid freak yet can still talk to him? It's a fun dynamic.

I want to name my future pet "Ravage"

And...Ravage :((( thank you for the cool moment of flying s space ship with your little metal paws. The pets are not okay in this. I'm assuming this is added to doesthedogdie.com (including all pets I think)???

Oh Rodimus the enabler.

Skids :((((((((

Nickel is queen. Wish I could see more of her.

So it took me until Froid showing up to realize Rung is like Carl Jung. It's embarrassing knowing how many chapters I went in not realizing that.

Hello Red Alert. Also I guess I actually don't like you.

I have more thoughts...but there's too many...I wanna see analysis videos and more posts talking about it but I'm technically still not done with the series. The Cheers episode even called me out for getting spoilers from tumblr. Oops.