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d3pressed-caffiene-addict · 10 months ago

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Hazbin Hotel Ep 5&6 Oh My God (Major Spoilers)

I am having so many thoughts, this is just a brain dump

-LUCIFER. He’s so pathetic I love him

-Jeremy Jordan you fucking legend. I’m a big fan of a lot of his work and was excited to see him in this but I was slightly unsure if he was the right casting since I expected Lucifer to be more of a high and mighty/snobby figure, but with the way they characterised him HE IS PERFECT.

-“TAKE THAT DEPRESSION”

-The Lucifer vs Alastor rivalry is beautiful

-“Ha ha, fuck you.”

-Father figure Alastor

-HIS EARS GO BACK LIKE A CAT WHEN HES ANGRY I CANT

-MIMZY’S ARRIVAL. I know most of us know the lore about her and Alastor being developed as a couple before it was scrapped but I really like how they are in the show

-Even if it’s just crumbs I’m so excited to be getting snippets of Alastor’s lore. It’s wild to keep going back and forth between “aw he actually cares for and protects his friends” and “oh my god he’s a fucking psycho”

-Speaking of that the scene with Husk holy shit. Poor man looked terrified

-The confirmation that Alastor’s also stuck working for someone, it has to be Lilith surely. I know some people will call it predictable because a lot of theories are coming true but personally I think it’s from good worldbuilding/foreshadowing

-ALASTOR IN FULL DEMON FORM JUST ANNIHILATING EVERYONE and then he just goes “Ah that was fun, now back to it”

-I kinda like the parallel between Al and Mimzy & Angel and Cherri where they invite their friends to join them if they want to, even if neither of them take it up initially maybe we’ll see them join the hotel in the future?

-BABY CHARLIE

-I really expected Lucifer to be a dickhead and a shitty dad, but he seems to be an overall better guy than most people in hell

-CHERRI BOMB ARRIVAL! And she’s Aussie now fuck yeah represent

-I still love her and Angel’s friendship even if she is a terrible influence. Everyone’s got that friend who’s solution to a bad day is just self-destruction but they mean well at least

-DARREN CHRIS TOO, THE MUSICAL THEATRE/BROADWAY ACTOR CASTING IS STACKED

-Emily is so sweet I love her

-The Molly cameo is so sweet, I was waiting for her to appear somewhere but lowkey forgot she was in heaven. Honestly though how did she get there when the rest of her and Angel’s family got condemned for what they did together? Maybe she left the mob or something idk I just hope we get to meet her properly at some point

-Heaven’s real fucked up? Yeah not shocked

-VAGGIE?? FALLEN ANGEL REVEAL?? AND SHE WAS AN EXTERMINATOR???? I know most of us called it but holy shit I didn’t expect it to be confirmed this soon

-Adam is such a dick but he’s so much fun

-I love that Charlie was gonna start her court presentation with definitions like a high school essay

-“Consent is a good name for a sex club” the gentleman Husk truthers gonna have fun with this one

-Pentious hitting on Cherri is hilarious and totally not the same level of subtlety I flirt with when I’m drunk

-Hearing more and more about how Val treats Angel is so sad especially with how casually he talks about it since it’s just another day for him

-Him parenting drunk Nifty is beautiful

-“You wanna play with the kitty?”

-Valentino is my #1 enemy

-Seeing Angel stand up to him to protect his friends is making me feel feelings. Like he knows that he’s gonna be treated even worse for it but I think he’s reaching his tipping point and shits gonna go down soon

-Also I know there’s a popular theory that he’s gonna die soon and a lot of the theories are coming true so I am scared. I kind of don’t think this one’ll happen though since he’s the fan favourite and its just too soon to take that much of a risk. Plus Vivsie’s admitted he’s the best written character and it’d be such a waste of all that development

-More sweet moments between him and Husk, they’ve gotten me so invested in this ship so fast

-The fact that most of heaven didn’t know about the extermination?? Wild

-Idk how I feel about the timeskip between Ep 4&5, they’re only a month away from the extermination now. Yes it’s making the stakes feel higher but I do wish we’d been able to see more of that time for the relationship development, all the characters seem much closer than before and we’ve only seen bits of how they got there

-I really wish they’d greenlit more than 8 episodes to pace things a little better but I’m glad we have season 2 confirmed

-That last minute ‘reveal Vaggie’s past to Charlie, boot them out of heaven and then cut to credits before she can react’ is gonna torture me until next week

-I don’t disagree with past criticism that Vivzie’s female characters can feel a bit underwritten but I think it’s getting better

-“We’re coming to the hotel first” plus all the theories that someone’s gonna die are fucking stressing me out man

Anyway hope you enjoy the brain dump, this show has once again consumed my thoughts

#Hazbin hotel #vivziepop #helluva boss #Charlie Morningstar #angel dust #vaggie hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #nifty hazbin hotel #sir pentious #hazbin hotel mimzy #cherri bomb #huskerdust

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pinkcrocss · 8 months ago

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On Andre...

So, I've been picking up on a lot of negative feelings towards Andre within the fandom (some warranted, some unwarranted in my opinion). And I think it comes down to two things:

-Andre is probably one of the least developed of the core group in terms of writing.

-Andre's actor (Chance Perdomo) has some problematic views irl.

I want to focus on the first point however, cuz I'm interested in the character not the actor (Patrick Schwarzeneggar and Claudia Dumit also support Isreal, so I'm choosing to focus my feelings on characters, not the actors if I want to enjoy this show at all).

When I first watched Gen V (before the hyper fixation had kicked in), Chance's performance had been one of my least favourites. I didn't like the weird voice he was doing (turns out he was Brit doing a pretty decent attempt at an "American Jock" type accent) and I thought the actor kept doing a lot of awkward stammers and tics that didn't feel in line with the character (I assumed, that's just how the actor was irl). That is until I watched a cast interview and I learned 2 things:

He is a Brit.

He's actually a very smooth and clear speaker. Which means those mannerisms were an intentional choice by the actor.

Later, once the hyperfixation had truly set in, I was watching a boatload of cast interviews, when I caught a comment underneath one of those videos that totally changed my view of that character and performance during my 4th (maybe 5th) rewatch.

You know how each of the core group's abilities hurts them in some way and thus works as an allegory for some form of personal issue that they are overcoming? i.e.

Marie -> Cutting/Self Harm

Emma -> Eating Disorders

Cate -> Consent

Jordan -> Gender Identity/dysphoria

For a while, I don't really see how Andre's abilities could serve as an allegory for anything. like, yes later on we learn that his powers will cause him damage over time, but that kind of seemed ham-fisted at the last minute, and not really connected to his ability to bend metal.

But back to that one Youtube comment. I can't remember word for word the comment, but to paraphrase, essentially:

The commentor spoke about how they connected to Andre's character a lot because when they were in college, they had developed an auto-immune disease that essentially made them chronically ill.

They talked about being unable to keep up with their peers, while they were supposed to be in their prime physical years, and how much that taxed on their mental health. Constantly feeling left out, constantly self-medicating, and the chronic pain that they just had to grin and bear.

And as soon as I read that, everything I didn't quite understand/connect with in Andre's character suddenly made sense.

What is one of Andre's core personality traits in the group? He's the stoner.

From episode one, there's a scene of him doing drugs in every episode. Cate is constantly asking him if he's high... he's self medicating.

The slow way he talks, the constant blinking and squeezing his face (note the scene when he's yelling at Tek Knight, or after he takes that first hit from Sam, or after he stops the helicopter)... he's in pain.

So many tics and nuances in his behaviour that I initially wrote off, was actually a much more nuanced performance from Chance Perdomo.

And it all coalesces in that final scene when Andre is at Vought tower and learns of his dad's diagnosis. His powers are slowly killing him, making him weaker (like an auto-immune disease. the body attacking itself).

And the doctor asks him if he ever feels light-headed? has he noticed any uncontrollable tics? Andre is hesitant, almost like he's in denial. But you look back at his actions/behaviour throughout the show, and he's been showcasing both those things.

Finally, the scene with the helicopter. Where it's more or less confirmed that Andre's powers are doing to him, exactly what his dad's powers did. I've seen people very critical of that scene. Saying things like, Oh! He's all of a sudden being affected by the use of his powers, but we hadn't seen that previously (which I disagree) and how it seemed "too convenient".

But keep in mind, stopping a decelerating helicopter is the biggest feat of Andre's abilities we'd seen so far in the show. Of course it's going to take a bigger toll on him than all the other times (not to mention he was in pretty big emotional distress. His dad, Cate's betrayal, an attack on the school...). Stress exacerbates illnesses.

The other critique I've seen is, why are Andre's abilities having this affect now? He's supposed to be in his 20s, but his dad made it all the way to his 40s/50s before it was detected... and that's a fair question. I have some theories:

Like certain genetic illnesses, this issue is hereditary. It's not Impossible, that Andre just inherited a stronger ability than his father, and thus stronger blowback on himself.

Andre's chronic drug use might be a chicken or egg situation. Where maybe his chronic drug use exacerbated the damage his abilities were causing him, and as a result he started self-medicating with more drugs, causing a continues cycle of him increasing the damage to himself.

His dad has been shown to have a very stubborn personality (note how he refused to acknowledge when Andre revealed to him the damage their powers were causing them). Perhaps, he had started feeling the symptoms around the same age Andre had, but just kept ignoring it and pushing through up until he reached his limit in his 40s/50s.

Some other reason that writer's haven't revealed yet. The show has been renewed for a second season, and it's obvious these characters have been set up to be integral to the overarching storyline of the boys as a whole. It's entirely possible that there is more potential development for Andre's character in the future, and I think it's fair to give the writers leeway to explore that.

All in all, I just wanted to get my thoughts out about this, and maybe see how everyone else views Andre's character. He seems to be one of the least discussed in the core group, and I feel like his character has a lot of room for more development in the future if the writers approach it correctly.

#sorry for the rambling #I literally made this blog just so I can be insane about this show in peace #gen v #andre anderson #marie moreau #jordan li #emma meyer #cate dunlap #luke riordan

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tentacleplains · 10 days ago

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all symbols for eden and sydney??? i wanna hear your headcanons!! :D

hi sorry this took so long!! under the cut because it's almost 1k words haha

put a symbol (or several) and a character/characters in my ask box, and I’ll give you a headcanon!

☾ - sleep headcanon

when you’re sleeping in eden’s bed they cling to you like a koala. which is a little unwieldy and uncomfortable given your respective sizes and occasionally painful because they hold you too tight sometimes.

sydney is a (canonically, i think) poor sleeper and has a scent diffuser in her room to help relax enough to actually get to sleep.

★ - sad headcanon

eden goes and hides away like a sick dog waiting to die if they get too sad. they don’t want you seeing them like that and they feel like it detracts from their “strong protective husband” (gender neutral) archetype. when they come back they act like nothing ever happened.

after [mysterious and unconfirmed canon trauma that probably includes kylar and definitely includes harper], sydney spent a lot of time crying sporadically and having terrible nightmares. jordan and sirris helped, and harper… did what they did, though only time really lessened the frequency of her breakdowns.

☆ - happy headcanon

eden likes to pick you up and spin you if they’re particularly excited or pleased.

sydney does happy stims, though she tries to keep it discreet because she gets embarrassed.

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

eden needs to do something physical to get their anger out. working out, chopping wood, sex, hand to hand combat. whatever makes them sore and gets them to work up a sweat.

sydney tries and mostly succeeds to keep a handle on her anger, but she’s not immune to accidentally snapping writing utensils in half in her hands when pissed.

✿ - Sex headcanon

eden gets really turned on by the idea of seeing their dick/strap bulge through your body when they’re fucking you. whether or not this is actually possible is irrelevant.

at the first possible opportunity after corruption, sydney tries to attend a bdsm/kink party with you. unfortunately for her there are too many people and she promptly gets overstimulated and wants to leave.

■ - Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

eden didn’t originally build their cabin, but they take it upon themself to do repairs when it gets damaged and by this point it’s a bit of a ship of theseus situation.

sydney had a hyperfeminine phase early on in her transition. it didn’t quite fit for her so she eventually phased it out, but her room is still a casualty of that. her bed is covered in plushies.

♡ - romantic headcanon

eden takes some of their romantic cues from romance novels. bodice rippers and the like. whether it works or not depends on if you have stockholm syndrome: eden

syd will swoon and die if you do big, public romantic gestures for her. she likes everyone else seeing that she’s taken, and in such a grandiose way too.

♥ - family headcanon

eden’s parents were terribly abusive, to eden themself and towards each other. this is where their obsession with being a stereotypical protector/provider husband stems from, and because of how terribly their parents treated each other, no amount of mistreatment they pile on you will register to them as abuse because they can justify their actions to themself, and they grew up watching worse.

when sydney started medically transitioning, sirris took it upon himself to research the effects of HRT on the body. syd got rather long and rather uncomfortable in-depth explanations of the changes she’d be going through, but at least she was informed…?

☮ - friendship headcanon

bailey and eden’s friendship started off as transactional and businesslike, bailey being the brains and eden being the brawns. it also started off with a fight, like a hand to hand schoolyard wrestling type fight.

syd likes to hang off of her friends’ arms. she gets very clingy and touchy-feely when she likes you.

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

eden does wood carving. none of it turns out good enough for them to want to bother keeping, though, so none of it is in the cabin.

if sydney ever gives up wearing her rosary, she’ll replace it with a worry stone around her neck. she needs to have something easily accessible to fidget with to self-soothe.

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

eden’s favorite flavor is citrus.

in practice, sydney drinks more coffee, but they prefer tea.

▼ - childhood headcanon

when their home life got too bad, eden would go and climb a tree and hide out in the branches for a while until things had calmed down. this proved to be a poor defense mechanism when the animals started getting as bad as the humans, as is the dolville way...

sydney and kylar picked up their doodling habits from each other. when they were still friends, they’d come home from school each day with their arms covered in each other’s scribbles.

∇ - old age/aging headcanon

later in life eden has to get glasses. if they lived a normal lifestyle, they could probably get away without wearing them, but a hunter has to have sharp eyesight.

sydney starts greying early, partly due to stress and partly due to genetics.

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

eden knows how to make like five things maybe. and they’re completely fine with it they’d be happy to have the same breakfast/lunch/dinner every day for the rest of their life. they can make one (1) vaguely sweet dessert-type thing for special occasions.

syd has only ever used induction/electric stovetops and she’s scared of gas stoves.

☼ - appearance headcanon

f!eden doesn’t shave at all. m!eden doesn’t let his beard get anywhere past stubble.

hrt was generous to syd in the chest department. it was less generous to kylar, who is jealous of sydney’s size.

ൠ - random headcanon

eden pushes through it, but humidity is terrible on their body. their joints get the worst of it but their scars act up too.

sydney’s favorite sanrio character is keroppi.

#original post #sydney #eden #dol #dol game #degrees of lewdity game #degrees of lewdity #eden the huntress #eden the hunter #sydney the fallen #sydney the faithful #tentacle writes #headcanons #made the majority of these up on the spot wheee if any of them contradict actual canon then oops #and if any of them contradict extracanon (the q&as) i care less about that #asks #edenscompanion

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cdragons · 8 months ago

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Hey! I miss interacting with u, hope you are doing well :)

What is the song that will most describe farleighs and y/ns friendship?

Hey! This is really sweet, anon! THank you! I'm doing great, I have a ton of exams and projects with school that are kind of kicking my butt rn, but today's my birthday so I am excited to share that with my family!

This is a really tough one, mostly because I never expected this friendship to be so popular with everyone. Although I shouldn't be surprised because Farleigh Start was actually so superior in the movie.

Personally, I think these songs really fit them

Gimme More by Brittany Spears

Bad Girls by M.I.A

That's My Girl by Fifth Harmony (also works for Annabel and Y/N)

So What by P!nk

Is You or Is You Ain't My Baby by Louis Jordan and His Tympany Five (look up Marvelous Mrs. Maisel with this song and TELL me that this won't be the most amazing duet with the pair)

Let me know in the comments of your opnions!

I feel like this is a good opportunity to give off some headcanons to describe the vibes I get from Fareligh and Y/n! There are also just my personal headcanons of Farleigh and his story in my AU! I made up these with the help of my internet soulmate @ethereal-athalia!

Here are some headcanons of my personal take of Farleigh's backstory in my AU and in general:

Is it weird if I can see Fareligh coming from New Orleans, Louisiana? Because I can absolutely see him giving off those vibes. He would fit PERFECTLY as a New Yorker, but I can't help but feel he would thrive in the Crescent City.

Farleigh really misses the States, and a big part of the reason he parties so much is to forget how homesick he is. I find it very odd that we are given this extremely intelligent character who would no doubt thrive in an Ivy League like Yale, Harvard, or Brown, but he's stuck in England. James definitely could have just paid for his education there, so why send him to England? Furthermore, why does James cover him up so much? Is it really just because he's family?

Remember when Felix told Oliver that Farleigh got kicked out of every school in England bc he "sucked the teachers off"? First off, ew. Secondly, sure, Farleigh is a bit of a hedonist, but all of his behavior just kind of screams to me that he's really and genuinely unhappy in England and wants to go back. That might be a reason why he was so reluctant for Felix to get close to Y/N since Chapter 1 of 'Fuck Everything.'

Furthermore, it really bothers me how nonchalant Felix is about telling Oliver that piece of information. Even if he knows that Farleigh wouldn't really care, that is still very private information about a young boy who was taken advantage of by teachers who were in a position that allowed them to abuse their power.

Also, for a film that exposes so much about its characters, we really don't know a lot about Farleigh Start and his story, specifically his family in the States.

The part where Farleigh's mom is terrible with money and constantly needs handouts from her brother, James, is very realistic - that part, I believe. But I feel like there is a lot missing with his dad.

Was his dad actually as brutish and abusive as Felix said to Oliver? Personally, I don't really see it. Even at first glance, the way Farleigh carries himself is leagues different from the rest of the Cattons. He's observant and takes in details. He uses all this information as a weapon for any opponent he goes up against.

In my opinion, I could absolutely see Farleigh's dad being a completely normal and decent person with a job as a librarian or English professor. This idea is mostly stemmed from when Fareligh made the 'thus' argument against Oliver's essay at the beginning of the movie, and this seems like something Farleigh knows as if being explained about it from a very early age.

The reason I think his father is ill-portrayed is because I feel like Farleigh's mother met him while she was in America and was intrigued by his unassuming self and married him. But then she got bored because she wasn't living the high and expensive life she was living in England with her family.

Eventually, she got bored and decided to use Farleigh as an excuse to get money from James. Farleigh's dad might have wanted custody of his son but was threatened by his ex-wife that he would never see his son again.

Farleigh is aware of his mother's toxic tendencies, but she's his mother and he loves her anyway. He know she's leeching off of him to get to her brother. But what are his other options? Let her fend for herself?

This is probably so far-fetched and a huge reach, but the Cattons are portrayed as people who love to feed off their own sense of entitlement over others by showing of 'generous' and 'charitable' they are to take of other people. When anything bad happens to them, they wear it like a trophy. Maybe that's what happened with Farleigh?

NOW! Onto Farleigh and Reader (also ft. Michael Gavey bc he's bb):

Being around Y/N is like being at home for the first time in forever (cue Frozen song) for Farleigh. When they start talking, Y/N is extremely skeptical of his intentions because she thinks that he's just trying to help out Felix. But nope! He just wants a genuine friend.

Y/N makes it clear to Farleigh from the beginning that if he wants to be friends with her, he needs to be friends with Michael. Michael Gavey and Y/N L/N are a package deal. You want one? You get the other.

Farleigh keeps his friendship with Reader a secret from Felix and is helped by Annabel (our girl got a taste of true kindness, sees Felix Catton for the leech he is, and is now part of the Y/N protection club)

With Y/N, he doesn't feel the need to party or drink until he gets alcohol poisoning to have a good time. He learns to have quiet nights doing homework or playing stupid board games with made-up rules.

Michael and Y/N introduce him to DnD, and he's the classic Bard player who rolls for charisma and ends up f*cking his party out of danger every time. Michael is a paladin, and Y/N is a monk, in case you were wondering.

Y/N sometimes uses Farleigh to model for some of her portraits. She learns to appreciate him because she and Michael do need to be reminded sometimes that it's okay to cut loose at times and that spreading their wings won't kill them.

Y/N and Farleigh definitely geek out over art history and literature (symbolism, plot holes, motifs, etc.) and are BIG soul and blues fans. When they all hang out in Y/N's dorm, they will be listening to James Brown, Ella Fitzgerald, and Ray Charles till dawn.

Y/N is someone whom Farleigh can have actual mind-stimulating conversations with in a manner that's respectful but also wildly entertaining. They will discuss everything from rousing debates about politics and current events to philosophical queries about the omegaverse and mpreg.

Michael pretended he wasn't a fan until they caught him singing along to 'Hit the Road Jack' and they never let him forget it.

Also, Farleigh is a MAJOR Michael Gavey x Y/N fan. He wants them to get together SO BADLY! But he won't do this in a productive/uncomplicated way. Nonononono, he plans to make the most convoluted, dramatic, and needlessly complicated schemes to get these two nerds together for his own amusement. *Nudge* *Nudge* *Wink* *Wink*

Real talk though, Fareligh genuinely loves Y/N and her presence as a friend. He has all these expectations placed on him and fake friends who only want to be around him for his cousins. To be around someone who not only misses home like him but also truly appreciates him as an individual and not as a commodity for networking means the world to him.

If Y/N ever does go to Saltburn for the summer (*foreshadowing*), Farleigh will do everything in his power to make sure she won't get sucked into his relatives' fake and shallow schemes.

Also, as a bonus, he loves ranting and trash-talking Oliver with Y/N and Michael. It's like free therapy with better snacks because Michael always brings candy.

These are all the ones I can think of for now, but let me more in the comments or in my ask box if you want more! It really means so much that you guys love this AU so much!

Let me know if you want to be tagged in the comments for future Saltburn AU stuff!

"Fuck Everything, But Mostly Fuck You" Masterlist

Tagging: @ethereal-athalia, @arcielee, @valeskafics, @asa-do-your-thing, @aphroditesmoon, @axelsagewrites, @the1999kid, @poolnoodlerescuer, @aemondsbabe, @@winterblu2, @abaker74, @whereismymindnow, @agustdeeyaa, @iamavailablesstuff, @bonnieblue0606, @st-eve-barnes, @@nyxthoughtss, @immyowndefender, @@ilovemydinoboi, @ahristata, @cxp1d, @jinsoulorbitzen12, @temptation-waits, @bollzinurmouth, @jcngw0ns, @seababehh, @destinydestnation, @lankyboi4, @mindless-rock, @cassavacake, @paradisepoison, @@pansexualpamandabear, @erikasurfer, @@lissamans, @cookielovesbook-akie, @thesmutconnoisseur, @izzyisstuff, @lariisouz, @mioshasworld, @themorriganisamonster, @bre99, @babypinkditto

#saltburn x reader #saltburn #saltburn crack #saltburn au #michael gavey x reader #felix catton x reader #farleigh catton #farleigh start #venetia catton #oliver quick #michael gavey #saltburn 2023 #saltburn movie #farleigh start x reader #saltburn thoughts #saltburn spoilers #my ramblings

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borgialucrezia · 2 months ago

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Lowkey if Juan had an arc about his time in Spain, how would you write it?? I hadn’t thought about the resemblance between Lucrezia and his wife before this blog and now my eyes are OPEN. Do you think she would catch on?? I also find it interesting considering the contrast between Lucrezia and Sancia, who Juan maybe didn’t love but was at least physically attracted to. Like how much it manifests in his subconscious as the family becomes more entrenched in the papacy (and by extension the more he is torn from the siblings he wants to cling to) is insane

"Neil [Jordan] was always keen on Juan coming back different and secure and grounded. That’s how I wanted to play it when he came back. I think the shock of Lucrezia actually manning up and trying to kill him had a huge effect as well. He’s growing and maturing. He definitely was becoming an adult. Certainly there are moments in the second season where he manipulates other people in a similar the way they’ve been manipulating him. The scene between Jeremy and myself with the dagger is a last ditch frantic attempt at trying to win him over. It’s kinda successful in a weird way. He’s just a bit useless at that point" — DAVID OAKES

knowing the intent behind his development while he was in spain, i would have definitely focused on his experiences, challenges, and growth. i feel that if the show had given more screen time to juan during his time in spain, his downward spiral would have been even more sorrowful than it already is. it would've allowed more people to understand and empathize with his character, making his untimely fate more poignant. considering he has always been one of the most intriguing morally ambiguous characters and such a tragic figure throughout the show, exploring his time in spain could have added depth.

i imagine him spending a lot of his time there thinking and self-reflecting on what went wrong between him and lucrezia, his baby sister whom he's fond of and with whom he is his best self. she loved him until yesterday. and in losing her love for him, he loses a chunk of his capacity for kindness. after she tried to kill him, everything slowly hits him:

the peasant he murdered wasn't some random guy who wanted to take advantage of his 'angelic sister'; he was his sister's lover. his sister tried to murder him back. and that manic episode juan had after the realization that his face is just like, 'my beloved lucrezia tried to kill me…'—a kind of shock of knowing she hated him and facing up to it.

then his father threatens him with peasanthood if he doesn't shape up and get married, and subsequently exiles him to spain, leaving him to cry shamefully and out of frustration because he doesn't quite comprehend why everyone is angry at him, since he believes what he has done is to protect his sister and family in general lol.

what takes the cake for him is cesare and lucrezia solidifying their relationship by banding against him. the fact that seeing her aligning herself with their brother (who already hated him for not measuring up to the family's expectations and sees him only as a hindrance) against him is really what has provoked juan to act like an arrogant narcissist towards lucrezia. he spitefully refuses to admit he has wronged her (even though we saw him earlier feeling remorse and trying to make amends), instead, he bickers with her.

at juan's departure to spain family dinner, he makes a speech of gratitude to their mother, who, he says, held the family together through all their early hardships in rome, despite the romans' harsh treatment of her. it's basically a speech about how their blood binds them and they should all stick together instead of fighting. this is one of the main reasons i'm fond of his character because, despite his troublesome nature, he has self-awareness about their hurt and his self-destructive nature driven by pettiness. during the speech, he appears genuinely serious, devoid of snarkiness, conveying hurt caused by their internal conflicts. he's too complex yet heartfelt about his feelings for his family and always has their best interest at heart, even when having misguided notions to protect them.

*a moment of silence for the most fucked up dysfunctional incestuous siblings ever*

"I felt in the second season I got to play every aspect of Juan’s character. Some of which I would have liked to explore further, but he kind of had a finite life expectancy (laughs). Opposite François, it was nice to watch Cesare do something, which he probably shouldn’t have done. You can kind of justify most of what he does but as soon as you get that final sequence you realize that Cesare is doing something purely for his personal jealousy. I always wanted to play that. You’ve got this boy. And he is a boy at that stage still. He’s confessing that he’s always been quite miserable and been quite harsh on himself. He’s given them every opportunity to change their mind and see him for what he is. The ability (for Juan) to come back from Spain and be everything that everyone didn’t expect me to be. You get this noble character, who comes back and you think he’s been made into a better character. There’s a strength of character to Juan that everyone doesn’t give (him) quite enough credit for. I think he would have actually won Forlì if it weren’t for his brother. He finally gets things in order. He finally starts to work well. He gets a whole siege together and it’s working. Then it all turns around because of Cesare. And he gets shot in the leg (laughs). How many times must he try to get something right before someone ruins it for him (laughs). He has the worst luck. He never gets a good break. A lot of the times it's his own fault – he’s a bit of a douchebag. But every now and then when he gets it right, he still gets it in the end. He does a successful siege. He loses. He apologizes to his brother and gives his heart to him. And he still gets stabbed and thrown off a bridge (laughs)." — DAVID OAKES

*self-indulgently posting juan/lucrezia for shipping biases purposes*

in his triumphant return to the vatican from spain, he bears gifts to the family members whom he hurt and felt betrayed by, as a way to win back their respect. his father was so happy to see his younger son back that he even forgot about their last confrontation, which had also affected juan, besides his sister telling him he should ask for her forgiveness for 'being himself' and toying with his fear by threatening to visit him in spain to try to kill him there. keeping her cunning wrath in mind, he presents her with a beautiful, rare panther in a gilded, heart-shaped cage. the gift not only symbolizes his love for her but also reflects his perception of her. the panther represents her feistiness and beauty, while the gilded cage signifies her entrapment within their father's ambitions. the image of the panther biting her also symbolizes their eternal disconnection, despite his efforts to earn her respect and reconcile with her. he attempts to bridge the gap, but he never quite succeeds.

and this sequence is so special to me because of his maturity, as he stopped drinking and sleeping around in brothels. like he genuinely wants to impress his family since he had enough of being the screw-up who tries not to mess up, etc. i think cesare's betrayal of him at forlì has shaken him to his core and made him return to his old habits, and it doesn't help knowing that he has a disease rotting him while alive. considering how juan was aware that cesare tried to seize him from his position at first, but didn't expect that he'd even attempt to indirectly kill him to get the position that juan has, since he never even took his quarrel with cesare seriously and would never betray him despite everything. when juan tried to make rodrigo believe him about cesare's scheming, yet rodrigo refused to believe juan and implied giving his position to cesare, that's when he grabbed the knife and truly threatened to kill himself and guilt-trip rodrigo into keeping it...

wait i just realized this is getting too long (and a bit off-topic) oops! to answer your question, i don't think lucrezia would ever realize that juan has chosen a wife who bears a striking resemblance to her. for those who don't know or haven't noticed, it wasn't the real maria's portrait used in the show, but rather a picture of someone who resembles holliday grainger's features (curly blond hair, full lips, and chubby cheeks) as some sort of subtext of juan's feelings for lucrezia. i don't think juan even realizes that he has incestuous feelings for lucrezia, unlike cesare who already knows but is repressed about them. lucrezia didn't even suspect juan's drunken, stalkerish behavior, his anger-driven jealousy, and his obsession over her purity, all of which could stem from incestuous feelings lol.

like any privileged, womanizing youth in a patriarchal system, he enjoyed his carnal relationship with sancia, struck by her beauty. she asserts her dominance in the relationship with her fearless personality and seductive charm. it was exciting for her too as marrying into the family didn't stop her from living her life and having an affair. that being said, there was no romance between them, and it was rather obvious that none of the three siblings had managed to find a romantic relationship that would actually work...

it's sad that cesare, lucrezia, and juan are unaware that they're cursed with being incestuously involved with each other, either emotionally or physically. these taboo feelings stem from the dysfunctional and unhealthy dynamics that have driven them to extremes with each other, leaving them feeling trapped in their father's vicious cycle of ambitions. while lucrezia and cesare realize this and act on it, leading to the collapse of everything around them, juan only realizes it when it's too late, through an opium-induced moment of clarity. however, his siblings will always see him as someone who antagonizes them, when in reality it's quite the opposite. there are so many misunderstandings, misconceptions, etc. peak doomed siblings kind of tragedy tbh

#bro help i didn't even intend for this to become an essay sorryyyy but alas i enjoyed writing it anyway<33 #this show is super interesting and its characters and dynamics are impressively written #i don't think there will ever be show like it in all fairness #neil jordan is also one of a kind despite the criticism i throw at him #marshy💌#the borgias #the borgias meta #lucrezia borgia #juan borgia #cesare borgia #period drama #the borgia siblings #cesare x lucrezia x juan #juan x lucrezia #historical drama #italian renaissance #messages

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aaronwhorechner · 9 months ago

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okay, listen. the scene where emily is getting ready to go out and meet viper and hotch comes in to check on her is so....out of character for him?

like, if it would've been jj or even penelope (honestly, probably even jordan) i'd completely understand him wanting to check in, but with them, he wouldve absolutely waited for them to come out of the locker room before asking if they were okay doing this. or at least made sure before they even started getting ready. at this point theyve used emily for her looks before, its nothing new for her.

but hotch comes in whiiiiiile she is getting dressed!! and his whole "hotch demeanor" is dropped especially in his little "oh" when she tells him she's dated people worse than viper. its not hotch coming to check on prentiss, its aaron coming to check on emily.

but what really gets me is....yeah okay he came into the locker room instead of waiting, but he awkwardly pauses instead of just being like "okay, ill see you when youre ready" or whatever after he's made sure she was okay doing this. im pretty sure the only reason she asked him about jordan is bc he didnt leave right away, he just....lingered fjdkjfdskfjds

the comfortableness between them in this scene makes me want to SCREAM and i wholeheartedly believe the writers were working their way into something with them but then paget got fired and when she was able to come back, knew right away that she wasnt staying longer than season 7. and then of course thomas got fired and they only brought paget back so that emily could take hotch's position,(WHICH HE SPECIFICIALLY REQUESTED MIGHT I ADD!!!!) so having them get together wouldnt have worked. (instead they had him date a knock off version of her - fjdskfjds im kidding i actually really liked beth)

anyway, i'm fine everything is fine

#**#cm 4x09 #its things like this where im like okay i should start writing again instead of just coming on this blog and screaming fjdksfjds #“prentiss you seem to do okay” -roadrunners my ass around the world-#if he wouldve said emily i would have actually combusted #okay im done carry on

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kanzakurawrites · 10 months ago

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Random Thoughts I Had While Rewatching Descendants 1

So I'm guessing Auradon is the size of Eurasia? Cause Europe seems too small, and most of the stories take place in Europe.

Are there Isle guards? I'm guessing because how else do the posters of Beast get put on the Isle?

Beast's crown looks so fake

So is that Ben's dorm room? Or is that his castle room? Is he a day student? (Which, considering he's becoming High King would be smart) I'm curious now

How many outdoor string lights do people in Auradon throw out?

HOW DOES THE ISLE HAVE ELECTRICITY? Are there villains dedicated to keeping it running? Actually, that would be hilarious, especially if that means people don't mess with them. OR they do mess with them and there are just frequent power outages. More likely, now that I think about it.

CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT MALEFICENT'S LETTER MAGNETS! Ha, what if Hades left them there and she just never threw them out? He seems more like the one to have letter magnets.

I don't care about the book timeline, the villains and core four all seem a lot more familiar with each other than just a few weeks or days or whatever. I'm saying its been months at least since the core four became a gang. If not a year.

I know its a Dcom, but I kinda wish that the villains weren't treated as comedy relief. Like, its implied that the kids aren't loved, that they are scared of their parents, but the way the parents are written... excluding the end with Maleficent, they don't seem that scary and all.

Seriously, there must be royal guards, right?

Really wish we had gotten to see the limo driver again.

Have to admit, I really like Ben's darker suit jacket. But why, why the yellow pants.

Ugh, I love Mal's D1 hair.

So... where are the magical people. "Most of us are ordinary royals." Yes, but, but, there is a lot of magic is Disney movies. Where have the magical people GONE. This is concerning.

Auradon Prep is FILLED with royal children, including the soon-to-be High King. The museum is filled with priceless magical artifacts. WHERE IS THE SECURITY. WHERE ARE THE GUARDS.

The beginning of Evil Like Me makes me want to hug Mal.

Are there NO SECURITY CAMERAS?? No other alarms??

WHY ARE THEY HAVING REMEDIAL GOODNESS OUT IN THE OPEN. That should be a PRIVATE class.

Ben, how did you not notice Carlos screaming?

How I wish they would have kept Evie's wavy/curly hair

I really wish there had been more Mal-Jay moments

They were in a public area. How did no one notice what was going on with Ben? DOUG WAS RIGHT BEHIND THEM

You know, none of Ben's classmates seem surprised by his love declaration. Or surprised by the "break up" with Audrey. Hmmm.

You cannot convince me that Ben didn't purposefully tell his parents about Mal right then JUST so he could have a picture of their reaction.

Baby Bal is so cute DX

Honestly, the Family Day fiasco was Audrey and Chad's fault KING BEAST

"No son, its yours." EXCUSE ME SIR

I wonder how much magical strength one must have in order to wield Fairy Godmother's wand. And I feel bad that Jane couldn't.

"I want to go to school. And be with Ben. Because Ben makes me really happy." Don't mind me just crying.

This whole scene makes me cry DX

"Gaston should be jealous." Ew. No. Stop. Creepy.

So whatever happened with the Jay/Audrey thing? I CANNOT be the only one who remembers the shipping days for them.

Other thoughts:

Nostalgia hits hard every time

I miss the D1 clothes! D2 and D3 felt more "costumey" if that makes sense. D1 feels more like... teenagers. And, at least for the Isle outfits, more thrown together. Not as polished, in a way.

I have to admit, kinda wish there was more Aladdin related stuff in the movie. You have Audrey and Mal, Evie and Doug, and Carlos and Dude, but no Aladdin-related characters for Jay? Sure, Aziz is mentioned in the books, and Jordan is in Wicked World, but still. Oh well.

#descendants #disney descendants #I was hoping this would help me for the next Fate's Gift chapter #kinda did

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sebastianswallows · 6 months ago

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I want to talk a little bit about Frank Herbert and the Bene Gesserits, because it's something that's been on my mind for a while and I haven't seen anyone looking at these characters from this perspective yet (not that I looked very hard, but I check the tags occasionally and just haven't seen it, and this would be the first place I'd expect to).

It's strange in a good way seeing Dune become popular, and people actually reading the books, and it being cool to do so, not it being a niche and nerdy thing. But what's equally weird is to see all the praise Frank Herbert's getting, especially from women readers 😂

Because at any point between, I think, the 80s and the 2000s, if a guy said he liked Frank Herbert that was considered by women to be a red flag. I remember women chatting about this in online forums back in the day. It was the equivalent of a guy saying he likes Jordan Peterson now.

It's an analysis of Dune that doesn't seem to have come through again. Audiences have caught on to the homophobia inherent in how the Baron was represented, but nobody is talking anymore about the blatant sexism of the books.

And I say this as a long time fan, because I was super inspired by most of the female characters in the novels and in particular the Bene Gesserits, so to hear that Herbert was supposed to be a misogynist took me by surprise. "What do you mean it's sexist? This is great!" The idea of a group of women who fully dedicate themselves to their own intergalactic girl gang, who follow their own plans, who use their femininity to their own ends, who live through discipline and self control and are fully empowered to face down any threat, that was so inspiring to teenage me.

But I guess the sort of women I most admired were the ones who were terrifying to men.

I mean, the only "good" female characters are either not Bene Gesserits, like Chani, or are Bene Gesserits who go against the order, like Jessica. Moreover, the only "good" female characters are those who betray their group for the sake of men. Like Jessica going against the word of the Reverend Mother because Leto wanted a boy.

Irulan's only redeeming features are her complete dedication to Paul and being basically in love with him and being the author of glorifying history books about him in spite of the fact that he deposed her father and is keeping her in a loveless marriage and constantly publicly humiliates her by treating Chani as his wife.

Even Chani, an otherwise bland and marginal character compared to the film, is at her most poignant when dying in child birth for the sake of giving birth to Paul's children. A death which happens because Irulan had been secretly poisoning her out of jealousy. Frank Herbert just has women clawing each other's eyes out for the sake of Paul's affection. I don't care how good that dick is, it's not worth poisoning another woman over. Poison him instead and take the throne, girl.

But oh yeah, in this intergalactic empire tens of thousands of years in the future, they seem to have discovered neither the concept of divorce nor of female inheritance of titles and property. It can only be a man inheriting the throne, not the Emperor's biological daughter. And once Irulan is married, well she's just stuck there. Pretty incredible.

And however great the Bene Gesserits are, they still need a man to "see where they can not see". No matter how empowered a group of women becomes, they still need a man. Only a man can see into the future. Women can only see into the past. Therefore, only a man can save the world.

I get that they tried to conceal some of this in the recent film, and they managed to do so to some extent, but it's mostly been with Chani. You still have the problem of Jessica and Irulan being just servants for the whims of the men in their lives, a fact which gets them into a lot of trouble. And you have the Bene Gesserits portrayed as scheming witches who are evil to have their own plots and designs, and are dependent on a man to see into that place which terrifies them.

I mean, enjoy the books by all means. I always did in spite of all of this, and I still like the story and the world. I still love the characters too. But man if the author didn't have some unflattering ideas about us 😂

#Dune #Frank Herbert #Jessica Atreides #Irulan Corrino #Chani Kynes #just had to get this out #didn't mean for it to turn into a rant but I guess it did? lol #spoilers #Dune spoilers

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kindred-spirit-93 · 1 day ago

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the falcon and the flower

hear ye hear ye, im planning a short story lol and believe it or not storyboarding is significantly more entertaining of a process than actually having to actually write lmao. whodve thunk.

anyways this post exists for a few reasons, mostly so i can map things out in one place (i plan on posting it here eventually hehe) but also for context and references and insight from yall & general yapping so if ur interested take a seat :3

i. inspiration & background info: the idea came to me after watching this short about a painting that depicts the story of a king and a beggar maid who lived a quiet life together. and i think thats neat lol.

the ballad that inspired the painting is mentioned and was popularised in the works of shakespeare and alfred tennyson respectively among several others, old and new. the 2 paintings (1884 and 1898) belong to edward burne-jones.

the maid in the painting is said to resemble burne-jones' wife (dont be fooled he had an affair. also turns out its kinda his signature way to paint women) which made me realise that the way the ballad was interpreted (and therefore immortalised so to speak) was according to the views of the aforementioned vessels and the norms of the time.

and so it struck me and my 0 knowledge of art history as odd for the love interest to just so happen to appeal to the eurocentric beauty ideals of the time (she is described as having dark hair yet is painted in both as auburn?) and by extension the male gaze (esp in the 1884 painting where her clothes are somewhat translucent and she sports a neckline too scandalous for the era lol).

also the king being specifically described as 'african' (by the narrators? the ballad doesnt specify and i havent found any origin for the name) and then proceeding to ignore that completely. or worse. point is old dead white guys and their pesky world views probably thought slapping a single word last minute and calling it a day was a very progressive move. and i took that personally

ii. creative liberties taken: point is im giving this my own twist because i can. everyone is entitled to their own views and interpretations (mostly). the beauty of art to me lies in the many ways it can be seen and percieved, and i personally love seeing how ones culture and background reflects in that, so thats what im doing. kinda.

and at the end of the day maybe to someone else my interpretation completely misses the point is biased to what im familiar with. which is absolutely valid and they would be right lol. idk i just wanted to kinda add this as a heads up and a general fyi. we all know how repressed everyone was back then lol. so much so it became a name of a complex. moving on.

iii. symbolism and stuff: looked up a bunch of birds this morning loll and settled at first for a starling. i might keep the imagery idk i had a very specific idea for the king but then falcons popped into my head and i was like dang this is cooler. so it stuck!

the flower i first had in mind was rosa abyssinica, then the desert rose, finally i decided to switch to maybe my favouritest flower ever: and *cough* the national flower of jordan *cough* the black iris :D

its pretty and rare and not at all realistic to the events of the story but its mine so leave me be lol. if i can sprinkle some of my culture/ heritage and get away with it i will. sue me :p

anyway the cool and not at all pretentious title is a reference to the main characters; a king who loves birbs and the owner of a small flower stall in the marketplace (both of which are now specified)

and now for the tragic backstory poll!

keeping this up for 3 days, since ill probably draft it out next weekend... if i get to it lol. i appreciate ur contribution in advance :3

tysm if u read this far lol i didnt expect it to go on this long lol, sorry! will reblog and update this as i go (probably) so yeah. stick around if u want. take care and dont forget to dink ur oiter :)

#penrose papers #short story #storyboarding #omw to spam my moots with incoherent bits & bobs (sorry guys)#idk im just happy i reached this far lol #me stuff #writers on tumblr #i use the term writer here very loosely #writing #writing stuff #the ill get back to this eventually tag

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signed-sapphire · 9 months ago

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The Fallen Star ✨

A Wish rewrite

Cielo design 💛

The boy is here! The most ever! The Fallen Star’s very own Starboy!

So I lied and don’t have the finalized designs for King Maggie or Queen Ams yet soooooo *throws confetti at you* take this Starboy reimagining in the meantime!

Eugh boy the name gave me trouble. I didn’t want to use Aster since that’s the name of a a couple popular Starboys already (@annymation/@gracebeth3604/ @mythartist21) and while the Greek name is cool, I wanted something a bit different.

SEE-EH-LO, for anyone wondering. He/they pronouns <3

I was heavily considering choosing Estrella and making Starboy a Stargirl, and then we’d have a gay romance. But this is supposed to be SOMEWHAT of a homage to early Disney. This may not be KoW, but… idk. Cielo is a gender neutral name. Literal manifestation of light. Go ahead and draw them as a female-presenting figure and it’s still TFS!canon~

Aaaaaaanyways. Here’s the actual rewrite!

First of all! Cielo is NOT the Northern Star! He’s a baby star like… in the bottom right

However, the Northern Star? Evangeline? Yeah, she’s gonna be in my rewrite

But Cielo is NOT her

For now I’ll just say Evangeline is sort of a mentor-figure to Cielo and leave it at that

So not all stars are wishing stars, and similar to Kingdom of Wishes, a wishing star is born when first wished upon

Once a wishing star fulfills their first wish, they become Stars (capital S), and are free to help anyone that needs it

The more wishes a Star fulfills, the more powerful they become

Idk maybe it’s like a Rise of the Guardians thing, where the more people that believe, the stronger your magic is

Sparkles and hope and glitter and shit

Until, as explained in my rewrite… the Stars grew bored and started simply granting wishes

Then people grew lazy and started demanding wishes

And all this belief made the Stars go overpowered

Basically it became Wonderland, everything coming true, kingdoms burning and villages destroyed

Yeah. So Magnus god rid of them eventually

Though who would suspect that it would be the king’s own daughter that would bring back his greatest fear?

Yep, Asha brought Cielo down

Not purposely, but even if she had done it purposely, she wouldn’t have chosen Cielo

He’s a little baby, a dwarf star maybe

Only ever gotten one wish in his life…

Huh never seen that before *side eyes KoW*

Personality traits

Optimistic

Very Anna-coded

Probably ADHD tbh (autism x adhd duo unite)

Stubborn

HE’S the quirky Disney princess

Although more Flynn than Raps

Backstory

Fuck around and find out

(And by fuck around I mean wait for my rewrite to come out bc I haven’t slept in two days and I’m too tired to articulate their story accurately)

Design

Due to popular demand, Cielo now has the Charlie Morningstar cheek thingies

Also @gracebethartacc got an ask about canon!Star being marketed with a star over their right eye so… vitiligo mark, anyone?

Yeah I don’t have many colored refs but basically Cielo’s star eye mark and cheek thingies turn into vitiligo marks when in their “human form”

Uh take this

Ye sort of like this^

Heart shaped face! His part is also supposed to resemble a “V” shape to make the top of the heart

My sister said they looked like Viva and I’m crying but too late to take it back

I guess they’re both Spanish? Ajdjajhsjajajs

Thin slutty waist. Imagine Lucifer from Hazbin Hotel bc Jeremy Jordan is Yes.

Like I’m obsessed with that wet cat of a character I’m thinking about Cielo’s voice being Jeremy

Although his younger VA days as like Varian would better suit Cielo…

ANYWAYS

Design by @mythartist21 save for the Trolls hair and cheek thingies! Those were my additions

Uhhh pointy ears, poofy sleeves

Idk is the star eye mark AND the cheek thingies too busy? Lmk and I’ll try to post a colored ref of that helps

#asha #disney wish #princess asha #asha x star #star x asha #the fallen star au #wish 2023 #human star #starsha #saph doodles #wish reimagined #wish disney #wish star #wish #star wish #wish concept art

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starcrossedxwriter · 2 years ago

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Built For Love Part 1 (MBJ x Famous Black OC)

A/N: So this is the official series for MBJ x Charlotte (Famous Black OC) - this will include random moments in their relationship to see how they got to where they are… and I'll do random one-shots like I've been doing in between. Hope you enjoy :)

Word count: 3k

***

“Aye yo, Els! Charlotte!”

Charlotte whipped around as she walked toward her car on set, finding Michael jogging up to her. The neutral expression on her face curled into a bright smile as he approached her.

“Did you just call me Els?” She raised her eyebrow. She really only went by one nickname in her life: Charlie and that was reserved for family and friends. She certainly never went by her dreaded middle name, Elsbeth. She despised it, a gift from her absentee mother - whoever met a black girl named Elsbeth? Or any girl for that matter?

“Yea… your middle name is Elsbeth right? Els for short?”

She chuckled. “How’d you know that though? And what if I don’t like nicknames?”

He shrugged and winked at her, causing her to blush a bit. “I’d never reveal my sources. And well… I figured you might make an exception for me?”

Despite the look of faux annoyance on her face, she could not deny that the nickname had a certain allure on his lips. Well… a lot of things did if you asked her.

She laughed, playing along with their flirtatious banter for a moment. “Yea… maybe. I might need some more convincing though, Mr. Jordan.”

“Well let me start now. Let me take you to dinner? A congrats on finishing a long week on set.”

Charlotte immediately shook her head, laughing nervously. “Thank you but I probably shouldn’t? Need to head home and start reviewing my lines for next week a-and everything.”

She actually did not have many lines to review at all. However, as luck should have it, she and Michael would be filming their intimate scene during the next week. And though Charlotte did not want to show it, it made her anxiety skyrocket. So her vision for the evening was to merely sit at home with a glass of wine and wallow in her anxieties about the upcoming week. But she could not tell Michael that.

She also would not hate the time to just decompress. Though she had been acting since she graduated from Juilliard, somehow this terrain felt different and more exhausting. She had only done her first tv role a few months before signing on to play Bianca.

He shook his head. “Come onnnn… You’re gonna be great next week and every day. You’re a natural. You gotta eat dinner right? And I won’t keep you out too late. Promise.”

She wrestled with her internal debate for a few moments. Common sense said she should say no. However, the side of her that was drawn to Michael like a moth to a flame, the side she did not quite understand, was much louder.

“Fineeeeee… but only because I’m starving,” she added with a playful wink.

A bright boyish grin took over his features as he led her to his car. Their car ride was filled with lively conversation as they recapped the day on set. She had only known Michael for a few months, had only spent considerable time with him in the last two weeks but something about him put her at ease with every conversation. Since their chemistry test, their banter was effortless and, she will admit, flirtatious but she did not think anything of the latter. Ryan told her that her co-star was a charmer… on screen and off. So she assumed that was just par for the course with him and nothing more. Her character was meant to fall in love with his but she knew they could not.

But still, it did not stop them from gravitating toward each other all day on set or hanging out in each other’ trailers. Though theirs could never step outside of the bounds of friendship, Charlotte appreciated his commitment to developing a relationship with her outside of their characters. She felt it made their chemistry on screen even stronger.

Soon, she found herself sitting across from Michael at a back corner booth of a steakhouse. It was late so there were few patrons in the space besides them, allowing both of them to feel more at ease about being in public. Charlotte knew no one would recognize her but Michael had been acting since he was a kid. And last thing she needed was rumors on the internet about them tomorrow.

“So you've seen me work for a couple weeks, it's my first movie - got any tips for me, super star?” She asked after the waiter dropped off their drinks and took their order.

He scoffed playfully. “As if you need tips from me.”

“Why’d you say that?”

He shrugged, taking a sip of his whisky neat. “You’re almost too good. I've been tryin’ to keep up with you.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” she waved her hand to dismiss his compliment.

He shook his head. “Nah… haven’t found another girl like you out here.”

Charlotte looked away from him, his smolder overwhelming. She let out a nervous chuckle before leaving his statement to linger without a response. This is always were the she lost her nerve. Occasionally, he would utter something that made her think their banter was more intentional than she originally assumed. However, she never had the nerve to press it and see if that were true. There was not a world in which someone like him wanted to be with her. And she did not believe in setting herself up for rejection.

Instead, she simply shook her head and offered him a small grin. “I imagine there are plenty of girls better than me out there.”

Michael sighed. “I doubt it. So did you always want to act or?”

Charlotte nodded and sat up a bit straighter, leaning on the table as she spoke. Michael could not help how her face lit up slightly when asked about her work.

“Y-yea, ever since I saw Audra McDonald in Ragtime when I was younger… My family will tell you I had a flair for the dramatic longggg before then and I did school plays and stuff like that throughout middle and high school. But that was the moment that made me see it as a career, you know? A real possibility for my life. Went to Julliard and then started working on Broadway. I thought I’d do that for the rest of my life… you know musicals and plays. I wanted to be just like her.” Michael noticed how the ghost of a smile on her face as she remembered a past life turned into a frown, her eyes filling with longing and sorrow. “Life just took some unexpected turns when I… h-had to leave New York and move to LA so I switched to tv and movies but acting was always the plan.”

Michael nodded along as she spoke, quietly noticing her chose of hers. “Had to leave New York,” as if something forced her out. He made a mental note to find out the true story behind that one of these days.

She paused. “That or owning an ice cream shop.”

He let out a hearty laugh as her last statement caught him off guard. “An ice cream shop was your back up plan?”

“Of course. 1. There’s always a market - who doesn’t love ice cream? 2. No one is ever angry in an ice cream shop because it’s amazing. Perfect job honestly.”

“Can’t argue with that logic. What’s your dream role?”

“Elphaba… from Wicked,” she answered immediately. For her, there was no other role. “It won’t get me a Tony,” she admitted. “But it’s always been the dream.”

“Why?”

“I dunno… the character herself is perfectly written. So layered. And her songs are perfection. That show is a true masterpiece and it’s one of the biggest shows in the world.” She shrugged. “Unfortunately… under that green skin, the actresses don’t look like me. But that just makes me want it more.” She glanced up at him and noticed the way he was staring at her, immediately feeling self-conscious. She coughed and sat back. “S-sorry… here I am just going on and on about myself.”

“Nah, nah you good. I asked and I like hearing about you.”

She raised her eyebrow in suspicion. “Really?”

“Yea… what? You don’t like to talk about yourself?”

“Ehh, nah, not really. Don’t want to bore you.”

“I don’t think that’s a word I’d ever use to describe you.”

Charlotte blushed, her nervousness forcing her eyes away from him and onto a painting across the dim dining room. She did not understand how or why he had this effect on her. But whatever he was doing, she did not want him to stop.

“How’d you feel after today?” He asked, referencing their scene choreography session from earlier. "Ready for next week? I know those scenes are fucking awkward as hell.”

“Ummm… y-yea yea totally ready,” she muttered, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth and bit in to it lightly.

“You nervous?”

How did he fucking know that?

“What? No, why’d you say that?”

He leaned forward, a curious expression painted on his face that Charlotte hated that she could not read. “You bite your lip when you’re nervous… o-or anxious I think? You were doing it when we met for our chemistry test… and on the first day of our table read. Right before our scenes all week. Today during our session.”

Charlotte tensed slightly, curious of how he noticed such a subtle tick, something that she thought she was doing a better job of hiding it from everyone. Her eyes fell from his to the table, frustration coursing through her at her own emotions, emotions she wished she had better control over.

“You are hella observant,” she muttered under her breath as she fiddled with her napkin.

“I’m your scene partner… my job is to know you. And aint shit to be ashamed of. I get anxious too… a lot,” he admitted.

“Really? You’ve been acting your whole life.”

He chuckled, his finger drawing patterns in the condensation of his glass. “Yea and shit is still hard. I still doubt myself… still get nervous and shit that I won’t do well o-or will let people down. It helps to talk about it though.” He eyed her for a moment and then asked, “So what makes you nervous about it?”

Charlotte studied him for a moment, her brain churning to figure out if she wanted to share her deep anxieties with him. It had been so long since she had been vulnerable with someone or confined about her anxieties with someone. She always feared their judgement and pity. And even though she did not know Michael that well, for some reason, she feared his judgement and pity more than anyone else. She could not understand why it mattered so much to her but she wanted him to see her as strong and assured, everything she was not really but tried to put on for the world. She wanted him to like the facade because who she really was did not seem worth his time.

However, the part of her that craved vulnerability and a safe place to land freed and propelled the words from their cage in the depths of her soul. Something about him felt… safe. And in that moment, the feeling of safety with him felt like relaxing in the warmth of the sun. She wanted to lean into it, not run away from it. Even if it was only between two friends, she craved it and just could not turn away a rare bit of warmth in her cold life.

“Well…” she chuckled nervously. “I feel so fuckin’ lame saying this but… I’ve never done a sex scene before? A-and I g-guess I just feel more self-conscious than I should. I know it’s just like every other scene but it’s so intimate and,” she shrugged. “A-and there’s shit from the past coming back u-“ she turned and stopped herself, she was getting too real with him now. “I d-dunno. A-and I’m just self conscious about the amount of people who’ll be watching? Like that’s so weird, right? I-I just feel like I'm gonna look stupid. Saying it out loud makes me feel really dumb.”

He chuckled, ‘Nah it’s not dumb and honestly, this shit is awkward as fuck. We just met two months ago and even though its hella choreographed, there’s a level of trust and intimacy we have to share to sell it. So I think if you’ve never done that shit before, it’s more daunting than people would think.”

“Thanks for not making me feel stupid about it. That does make me feel better.”

“Never. Look, my job is also to make you feel as comfortable and safe as you can be in every scene but especially this one. We are gonna be as close as two coworkers can be, I wanna make sure you’re straight. So let me know what you need and I gotchu. I want you to trust me.”

She smiled over the rim of her glass.

“I do… trust you,” she responded definitively. And she was surprised at how deeply she felt that in her soul.

“That’s what I like to hear.”

***

“Cheers!” Michael offered as he and Charlotte clinked their wine glasses together, a half-empty bottle of red wine sitting on the coffee table of his living room.

“What are we cheering too?” She asked as she took a sip of her wine.

He shrugged. “I dunno… to movie set firsts? To finishing one of our hardest scenes?”

“I like the sound of both of those! Cheers.” She took another sip before sitting her glass down and leaning back, her hand running through her faux locs she had installed for her character. “Thank you for today by the way. You made it super light a-and fun, shockingly.”

He twisted his face up in faux offense. “Shockingly?? Ouch. I thought every moment with me was fun?”

“You aight,” she winked at him before grabbing the bottle to refill her glass. “I was actually surprised at how few folks were on set also. The way Ryan talked when we first went over it, it seemed like the whole crew would be there.”

At Michael’s silence, she eyed him suspiciously as he nodded and glanced off to the side, scratching the nape of his neck.

“You know something about that?? Tell me!”

“Alright fine, I wasn’t gonna tell you but I ain’t gon’ lie to you either. When you said you were nervous about people watching, I texted Ryan and asked him to close the set. I didn’t tell him you asked o-or were anxious about it,” he clarified as he watched the heat rise in her cheeks from embarrassment. “I j-just reminded him that it was your first time on a movie set a-and we shouldn’t assume you’ve done a scene like that before. I hope that’s ok? I’m sorry if I overstepped. Just wanted you to feel more comfortable.”

Charlotte tilted her head as she studied him for a moment. Part of her thought she should be mad at him for making requests on her behalf but she wasn’t? She found the action maddeningly kind and endearing if anything. That he took her words to heart and actually tried to help her be more comfortable. That he was silently working behind the scenes to make her feel safe.

Michael took her silence for anger. “You’re upset. I’m sorry, Charlotte. I over-“

“N-no. Don’t apologize!” She let out a breathy chuckle before adding. “I’m not upset. It just…that just might be the sweetest thing a fellow actor has ever done for me.” She leaned over and squeezed his hand, the heat from his body warming her hand. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

He turned his hand over in hers and squeezed back, offering her a nod and smile. Charlotte’s eyes fell from his down to their connected fingers, heat rising in her at the simple touch. She felt it every time, even among the most innocent of touches, pure desire and electricity. Her mind drifted back to feeling his hands on her body earlier that day. The palms of his hands was rough and callous but today proved that his touch was anything but. It was strong and gentle. And she knew it was wrong but she left set today craving more of it, yearning for more of him.

Something in her snapped back to reality, forcing her to rip her hand from his quickly. She cleared her throat and busied herself with her glass of wine.

“A-anytime,” he offered quietly, seeming equally as frazzled by their touch as she was.

“I-I should head back to my apartment,” she whispered, deciding it was best to remove herself from his presence before she drank anymore wine and lost anymore of her sensibilities, which felt as if they were hanging on by a thread as it was. “T-Thanks for the wine.”

“I’ll walk you out.” He stood and stretched lightly before walking her to his door.

She slid on her shoes as he grabbed her coat from his closet.

“Thank you again for today, seriously. You are the best scene partner a girl could ask for.”

He closed the gap between them and wrapped her in a tight welcomed hug. Her arms wrapped around his broad shoulders as his hugged around her waist. She knew this was the exact type of touching she was leaving to avoid. But for the briefest moment, she remembered what it was like to have intimacy with someone else, to feel secure and whole in their arms.

They both lingered in their soft touches for longer than they should have. Charlotte let out a content sigh as he rubbed soothing circles on her back and held her, her forehead falling gently against his chest.

She was the first to break their sweet, hidden moment, the high tide of longing in her building to places too strong to be contained. She couldn’t allow herself to fall any deeper into this - whatever it was - for a million different reasons. He would never reciprocate it and she would never deserve it if he did. Why bait misery?

She lifted her head from his chest to stare at him, his grip around her body didn’t loosen or move. They just stared at each other. Before Charlotte could say a word, his lips were on hers. She didn’t return it at first, her whole body paralyzed from shock. But it only took a few seconds for her to return it fervently.

There was a small arch in her back as their mouths explored each other for the first time. She could feel a cloud of desperation and need settling around them. She had kissed him before, however, this - without the mechanics of acting guiding them - felt entirely different. This was pure bliss, his lips casting a fog over her brain that stopped the formation of any thought unrelated to the man in front of her. His tongue danced with hers as they moaned lightly into each other’s mouths. She never wanted this moment to end.

But it did. He leaned back briefly, a need for air overcoming his desire to consume the woman in front of him. He wanted all of her for the rest of his life. Michael had kissed many women in his life but none had ever felt like that before. He had tried his hardest to keep his feelings at bay, to give her space and not push. When he realized he wanted to pursue a real relationship with Charlotte, he vowed to wait until filming concluded so she would not feel obligated or pressured to date him. He wanted her to want him as much as he wanted her. And some moments, he felt it so strongly and in others, he felt her pull away from him, causing him to doubt himself.

But the more moments he spent with the woman in his arms, the harder it was to keep those feelings at bay. Every moment with her was kindling to this fire and tonight was proof that it would only grow out of control if they did not finally choose to acknowledge that it was there.

With the brief reprieve to catch her breath, Charlotte’s desires quickly faded into embarrassment.

What the fuck did you just do?

“U-um I’m sorry, s-so sorry, Michael,” she whispered as she took a step back from him, his arms releasing her from his web. She avoided his eyes as she grabbed her coat from the floor where it fell. Suddenly, the plain white walls of the front hallway in his temporary apartment seemed far more interesting than the shell-shocked man in front of her. “D-don’t know what came over me. I-I should go.”

She quickly walked around his body and out the door, leaving him paralyzed and confused in his doorway. And by the time he regained his wits about him, she was gone.

Charlotte slid into her car and let her head fall onto her steering wheel with a wave of shame and embarrassment.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Charlie??” She whispered to herself while one silent question oscillated through her mind: Why couldn’t things ever be easy?

Part 2

Taglist: @certifiedlesbianbaddie @bangtanxmegan @reelwriter19 @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @msniaimani @hi888888sworld

A/N: Thanks for reading! Leave a comment with your thoughts and let me know if you want to be tagged!

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randomsufff · 4 months ago

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Ok fuck it- I keep seeing the Great Gatsby pop up (thanks Gravity Falls lmao) and recently saw The Great Gatsby on Broadway and I need to spill out my thoughts on this musical

I’ll hold off my grips with it compared to the book till the very end- since I know a lot of argument around this musical is that it’s an adaptation and the adaptors are liable for taking creative liberties. Which- yeah! That’s valid! But I’d argue that in order to adapt something successfully, if you’re gonna make huge (and I mean HUGE) changes to the source material, it’s gotta somewhat follow some reason that makes sense for the characters and/or adds some layer or depth to the story or else you get something like HBOs Velma. But more on that in either an entirely other post or later depending on how long this gets

Read bellow if you want a really fucking long, detailed description of the show and what I think it did right and very, very wrong.

I will say- as a TLDR rn- I thought the show was just…ok. Like- “yeah that show sure was a musical.” kind of ok. The good songs and amazing spectacle of a few of the numbers kinda cancel out the bad pacing and really questionable narrative choices the show made. Also- hearing Eva Noblezada sing live changed my life.

OK- so I’ll start out by saying- I believe we had basically all the original current cast except for Jordan Baker was played by Traci Elaine Lee (who was absolutely phenomenal so I’m not too sad about missing Samantha Pauly)

I really thought the show was ok. Like I don’t hate it vehemently but I don’t love it either. I feel like the only reason it’s so famous is because of its two powerhouse leads (Hot take? Maybe.) Anyways, I don’t know how to go about this so we’ll go list form

1) PACING WAS ATROCIOUS

Again, not even comparing it to the novel- the pacing felt really off and didn’t even make much sense story wise. Like we would rush past certain information and then linger on scenes that didn’t really need to be lingered on? At least to me, I felt like there was other stuff the show should have prioritized showing- CAUSE THATS THE THING WITH THIS SHOW- is that they TELL not SHOW a LOT of information- so it kinda just feels like you’re being tossed plot without experiencing it.

For example, literally as soon as the show starts, Nick and party goers just throw all the information about Gatsbys party and being mysterious at the beginning by telling us and not showing, like he never shown to be cryptically hanging around in the first like 20 minutes of the show (at least that I remember- there was a lot happening in the opening number 😭) . Which sucks because they did this REALLY COOL thing right before the show started where Gatsby was standing there and was immediately gone as soon as a screen passed. LIKE YOU COULDN’T HAVE THAT HAPPEN AGAIN WHEN THEYRE ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT HIM???

(Also- recently saw a rehearsal (?) video where Gatsby like actually opened the opening song “Roaring On”, and that would have been great if they kept that! Because looking back, I felt like Gatsby had the least amount of stage time. Which probably I sn’t actually true, but it really felt like it. Like where is the main guy??? His first appearance (after his little disappearing act) is like, 20 minutes into the show. Idk for something that’s called “The Great Gatsby” he sure wasn’t on stage a lot. )

Then a couple scene later, Gatsby reveals to Nick- a man he JUST MET FACE TO FACE- that he’s in deep love with his married cousin and asks him TO HIS FACE that he wants him to set up a meeting with her. And then they move on. Like???

If you watched the show, maybe this’ll make sence to you, maybe this won’t, but it feel like they rushed past everything in the original source material, and only expanded and talked at length the aspects they wrote in.

Also the ending was so. Incredibly. Rushed. Like we don’t even get to see Daisys reaction to killing/hitting Myrtle. As soon as the fight at the Plaza ends everything else happens in like 15 minutes. Are you kidding me. WE DONT GET TO SEE DAISY ACTUALLY HIT MYRTLE. They did the ol’ “Bright lights get shined at the audience as character pretends to get hit” but that’s it! Literally THE REASON why Gatsby is killed and we don’t get to see it or their reactions in the moment. They just… tell us what happened instead of showing it to us. (“Daisy tried to swerve to the next lane but there was a car coming- and then… she just peeled off. She’s packing now…” YOU COULDN’T SHOW THIS TO US???) No idea of how Daisy or Gatsby reacted immediately after, only the next day. No rambled and frightened dialogue of their game plan, no glimpse into Daisys psyche where it’s shown she’s not going to choose Gatsby after all. Nothing.

Oh! And guess how long Gatsbys funeral was? Like a minute long. Just Nick sitting next to a casket in the background while party goers, Jordan and Wolfsheim dismiss Gatsby with a throwaway line. Like bro… that’s your main lead character… shouldn’t you give him, idk , at least more than a minute on stage when he dies? And like yeah I get that that’s the point that he’s forgotten, but I thought it was going to be more prominent than that! Give me Nick standing solemnly next to a casket thats dead center on a completely empty stage while he narrates how no one showed up. How despite the riches and infamy, no one, not even Jays own father (cause literally no one was by the casket on stage but Nick) showed up for his funeral. Instead of weirdly dismissing it like it’s not important?

2) NICK AND JORDENS “RELATIONSHIP”

Nah this actually pisses me off because there’s literally no point in this being so highlighted when it literally goes fucking nowhere.

So their relationship arc goes like this: Jorden says relationships sucks because she wants to be an independent woman in the 20s. Nicks like, I am not looking for a relationship but if we were in one I’d let you do all those things. They flirt, almost kiss, flirt more, do kiss, Nick says “let’s get married /j” Jorden says “yeah let’s get married /srs”, they get ENGAGED, they fight after discussing if they inadvertently caused Myrtle’s death (Jorden intentionally let Myrtle know where they were going that night), break up, and never speak to each other the rest of the show.

HELLO? What the actual fuck was the point of this then? If you wanted to expand Jorden to be the independent, feminist, girlboss *cough lesbian cough* that she is, just let her stay single?? She doesn’t need to be with Nick if you want her to be a part of the main cast.

The main problem I have with this is that the musical put wayyyy too much emphasis on it. And it’s so funny because there’s this big, dramatic, movie-esc pause Nick does after he says “I don’t want to marry you”, and sorry to the people who genuinely gasped, but be fr, are we surprised??? Jordan has been saying from literally her first line that men/marriage sucks, and that she would never do that willingly- then when she get married to a guy she knows for, at most? 1-2 weeks (idk how long the musical take place over), I’m supposed to take that relationship seriously????

In fact, I felt like their relationship often overshadowed Gatsby and Daisys, which shouldn’t happen, because the whole fucking shows about Gatsby.

For example, they steamrolled Gatsby and Daisys reunion with a budding Jordan and Nick plotline, for some reason??? Like they literally show Gatsby and Daisy seeing each other, have them say a few sentences wistfully reminiscing their first meeting, then have them go inside the house while their silhouettes are shown talking while the audience stays with Nick and Jorden OUTSIDE as they joke and almost kiss each other. HUH??? How are you going to literally push your years-long, slow burn yearning MAIN ROMANCE reunion to the side for a budding relationship that came out of nowhere and frankly dosent need to exist? And since we’re not going book accurate, you can actually SHOW how Gatsby and Daisy fall back into each others orbit, how their conversation went. But no.

It got so bad that I honestly can’t tell if one of the themes of this musical is something about marriage because of how much they pushed the “married/ people in a relationship” dynamic. Like what are you trying to tell me? All marriages are doomed??? I don’t even know (mayhaps just me being aroace)

What grips me the most is that they don’t even get any closure. Like they literally never speak to each other after that night Myrtle is killed. (Mostly cause the show ends literally 5 minutes later). The whole show they put these two together, build up their romance, show them having cute and funny moments together… all for what? For nothing?

AND I DID LIKE THEM. They were a cute couple, and their chemistry and jokes together were funny and charming. Their dynamic was interesting too, with Jordan wearing the pants, so to speak, and insisting she maintain her freedom while in marriage/ a relationship which wasn’t heard of in the 20s. But for all that to end because Jorden didn’t want to tell the cops Gatsby and Daisy possible ran her over/they’re partially responsible??? Like they INVESTED. SO. MUCH. in this relationship (to the point where they got ENGAGED???) that it feels so stupid and dumb for it to end like “wow you’re heartless :c I don’t want to marry you anymore :ccc” “well too bad, L, you’re guilty too asshole. Bye.”

AND what really grinds my gears is that if they cut this whole shit out, or at least made it more in the background, it would give more time to flesh out the few other problems I have with this show

3) SONG… EFFICIENCY (?)

Ok last point that’s not as much of a complaint as the others, but it was still something that bothered me. Some of the songs just say nothing/ repeat stuff we already know. Mainly thinking of (and sorry to people who like these songs- I’m not saying they’re bad! They’re just not a lot of info there) “For Her”, “Go”, or “Shady”

Like “For Her”, he’s just saying “I did [list of things involved with his fame/money] for her” for 4 minutes and you don’t even know who “her” is until like, the last line. Like this could have been a perfect opportunity to deep dive into Gastbys upbringing/ past, but the most the musical goes into Gatsby’s past is that he was in the war. Like you don’t get the sense that this man worked his way literally from the ground up for this woman. It’s just so repetitive that, even though it was Jeremy Jordon, I was getting bored halfway through.

AGAIN, this is not slandering Jeremy Jordan (JJ stans please spare me), you could have the most amazing Broadway singer sing with the best technique, but if it’s a dull, repetitive song, PERSONALLY, I’d be bored. They could have just combined this with another song, or as I suggested, add more purpose to the song and maybe put it later in the musical.

Similarly, “Go” (and, AGAIN, love Jeremy and Eva) was super repetitive and could have just been reduced to dialogue.

And “Shady”, though also a really good song, frankly could have been cut out. For some reason the musical really wanted Wolfsheim to be a main antagonist/prominent character and gave him this song- but there’s nothing in it that wasn’t already implied in the first Act and it really has nothing to do with any of the other characters, other then a vague “Jay and Daisy” gotta keep their affair secret (which… yeah I think we know that, but also to compare that to… hiding dead bodies and minding your own business- it’s???? Idk what they were going for)

(Tbh- I conversed with my dad who also mainly wanted to see the show for Jermey Jordan and Eva Noblezada and he said that none of JJ songs were that memorable, which I kinda agree with. He’s a great singer, a very talented man, but the songs he was made to sing in this show were not it. Just nothing of substance or catchiness. Which SUCKS. Because how are you going to get someone like Jeremy Jordan and not have him sing an absolute banger? But weirdly, none of his songs (maybe except “Only Tea” which I really liked) stood out which I’m so disappointed about.)

—————————

Ok that’s all just as it’s own thing (mostly) NOW MY FUCKING PROBLEMS WITH IT COMPARED TO THE BOOK

1.B) NICK AND GATSBY’S FRIENDSHIP

THIS IS THE BIGGEST ONE- Nick and Gatsby friendship is so fucking integral to the original, and it feels like it didn’t even exist in the musical.

Like regardless on whether you ship them or see them as friends- Nick was Jays only fucking friend. He was the ONLY ONE who truly cared about him and went to his funeral when no one else did. In the book, Nick did So. Much. just because he wanted to for Gatsby. Gatsby had to ask Jorden to ask Nick to set up his tea meeting, he attempts to charm and lavish him in trips, and even tries to pay the man to get him to agree. But Nick refuses and is even offended that Gatsby would pay him money for such a thing and immediately accepts the night he finds out. And they actually hung out! Like a lot! At least before Jay asks him for the tea request. And though it could been because he wanted to make it easier for Nick to say yes, they were friendly with each other, and felt like actual pals. Nick genuinely was worried about Gatsby at the end, and even tried to warn him about what he was attempting to do multiple times.

In the musical that bond is just… not there. They rush past meeting each other, they never hang out one on one, and any interaction between them seemed slightly aggressive or politely concerned, like one would be to a stranger, which they technically are!!! The only reason he agrees to Gatsbys plan is basically petty revenge against Tom for punching Myrtle and being an asshole to Daisy/ in general. (Which- I feel like a move thats so out of character for Book!Nick cause he also dislikes Daisy.) Like Nick never learns Gatsbys backstory here (I don’t think he ever tells it, not even to the audience).

The “ you can’t repeat the past” line seemed more aggressively exasperated in delivery then the more soft concern for a close friend I initially read it as. And the “you’re worth more then whole rotten crowd put together” line didn’t really hit as hard because they don’t feel like close friends and nowhere in the show has Nick expresses this pedestal he puts Gatsby on like in the book.

Literally the only times they’re together alone is their initial meeting, and setting up for tea at Nicks. Every other time either Gatsby is with Daisy or Nicks with Jorden. They could have at least put together a cool ass montage of them hanging together, using those moving panels, going through diffrent activities as Jay introduces himself with his Oxford and army line, instead of dumping it all on him on their literal first meeting in his study.

(Also noted that they made it so Gastby owns the property Nick lives on and is renting it out for the man. Idk why they did this- to make it so Nick is indebted to Gatsby??? Also Gatsby vaguely threatens/ says something with a condescending/threatening aura (???) before Nick leaves after Jay ASKS A MAN .5 SECONDS AFTER MEETING HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME FACE TO FACE for the tea set up. Like there was a moment where he held onto Nicks hand as they shake goodbye, held his eye and said a line (I forgor) and kinda stood there staring him down before Nick awkwardly left. LIKE WHAT WAS THAT???? WHO ARE YOU???? WHY??? Literally doing everything to make sure no one can ship them)

2.B) THEY STRAIGHT-IFIED MY BOY.

NICK WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU. It felt like they wanted to take away any whiff of an implication that this man is gay. Like literally no build up to Jay and Nicks friendship, no meaningful scenes between the two, going head first and completely committing to Jordan, AND THE MR MCKEE SCENE BEING LIKE THAT.

AND MR MCKEE, IM SO, SO SORRY WHAT THEY’VE DONE TO YOU. They made him to be some predator who harasses Nick the whole party scene. And this could have been so. easy. to fit into the queer lens if the actor who plays Nick (Noah J Ricketts, fucking what a talented man) acted interested in Mr.McKee but was actively restraining himself and trying not to engage in order to save face in front of Tom and Co. (Please, please, please- making a prayer circle and manifesting that one of the later actors does this down the line) But noooooo, Nick is shown to be mildly uncomfortable while McKee follows him around (in an unfortunately a banger of a song) EVEN THOUGH IN THE BOOK NICK ACTIVELY ENGAGES WITH HIM IN HOMOEROTIC DIALOGUE AND EVEN GOES TO BED WITHBNANJSBSJB

3.B) Jordan’s Purpose

Already touch this before but what the hell was the point of Jordan here. I love the “cool independent woman in the 20s” angle they were going for, but then why the hell would you immediately shackle her to a romantic relationship with Nick when that goes against literally everything she stands for. And I’m not saying she can’t get in relationships, but the speed in which SHE of ALL PEOPLE, was like “Yes I want to get married to you for real” make me…

Sure it was said in the novel that Nick and Jorden were together, but he was always flighty about her; saying he was attracted to her but also hated some of her qualities (dishonesty and heartlessness). It wasn’t the main focus like it was here (I can’t even remember much of their relationship in the book tbh) and they didn’t invest so much in it as they did in the musical that it didn’t feel out of nowhere or too much of a big deal when they broke up. Like it fr felt like the musical held up a “Gasp Now” sign when Nick said he doesn’t want to get married to her cause they wanted that moment to hit so hard for some reason???

AND. There was an ACTUAL PURPOSE to Jordan relationship with Nick in the book (a representation of the wealth he was attracted to then repulsed by [*cough* also contributing the “Nick is Queer” lens *cough*]) they… kinda? did it in the musical? And it would have been boosted by Nicks new naivety in the musical, but it falls short because they never speak again, or really explain Jordan’s value on wealth and herself is why it went wrong other then a “you’re heartless” line that feels out of nowhere. (Idk maybe I was too focused on how pointless that relationship felt that I failed to noticed if Nick had a Big RevelationTM here on Wealth and Jordan)

4.B) Character Differences

Some of them are great, like there’s more dimensions to some, but some character choices, I’m like- that goes against everything they’re supposed to represent in the book.

Like I found it so weird how willing Daisy was to run away with Gatsby in the musical when in the book it was more obvious, at least I read it so, that she was holding back a bit and was never going to run with Gatsby that far. Like wdym Gatsby could have had it all if he just ran with Daisy then, WDYM HE SAID NO BECAUSE OF HIS PRIDE???? HUH? WHERE did this priority of PRIDE come from???? When Daisy’s RIGHT. THERE. Like she was sobbing, begging him to run with her. In what universe would Gatsby turn that down???

Like many people say, this seems like it’s supposed to be a love story between Gatsby and Daisy, but in the book it’s pretty obvious how Daisy isn’t as committed to Gatsby then she is Tom cause of their Old vs New money.

And Myrtle? Why did she suddenly turn back to George? I felt like the only reason why that happened is cause the creators wanted shock and tragedy factor. Like “aw she finally found peace in where she is but oops now she’s dead”

And it would have been good if they actually showed why she thought this beyond the 3 minute song, cause that’s not enough time for someone who only chased after money to do a 180. Like, sure she figured Tom would just move on from her (YES EVERYONE CHEERED, GREAT CHARACTER MOMENT) but George isn’t shown to be that great either in his last moments with her. I mean he locked her in the house? Bathroom? and was pretty violent towards her. Sure we learn earlier that he’s doing a lot for her but we never SEE it. He sings to US the audience about his dream to move them out and live a nice life but not to HER which could have been a cute point of connection but nooooooo.

They also made Nick like, kinda naive. Like he really likes Daisy and Jorden and I guess Gastby (though it’s not shown) compared to his counterpart who know how money corrupts and kinda hates everyone (even Gatsby at points). Any I feel like they could have done well with making him naive to that fact, to really make this a tragedy (like Hadestown esc) but they fell short somehow. I think it’s cause the ending was so rushed. Like there wasn’t enough time to show the consequences of everyone’s actions and how hurt and changed he is. It all flys by in like 7 minutes.

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Ok now we’re done being cynical- here are the good things I liked

1.C) The woman are 3-Dimensional yay/ Nicks also here

Myrtle’s song (Second-Hand Suit) is phenomenal. Great way to introduce more character and backstory to someone who originally had none.

Also, again, loved Jordan’s independence angle (if only they WENT SOMEWHERE WITH IT) and I lowkey loved the “well Tom cheats why can’t you” line and Daisy’s whole attitude as she one ups Tom in the dinner table scene. Also Daisy was already kinda complex in the book, but it really shows how turmoiled she is here and that’s interesting,

And despite how I kinda ragged on it, I really did like Nicks personality throughout the musical. He was sooo humorous in a way he wasn’t in the book. Also, thinking about it, his nativity is an interesting spin on his character that I really would have liked if it was executed properly.

2.C) The songs fucking slap

I can’t lie, most of these songs are bangers. I have half of the songs on loop. Not to mention the actors who sing them are absolutely incredible. I won’t lie, I was mostly interested in this musical cause of Jeremey and Eva; and Eva, holy shit, is an absolute powerhouse to witness live. I was So. Surprised by how effortlessly she sang notes and how clear and crisp they were (“Absolute Rose” was… idk what it was about that song, but I’m obsessed with how she sang that song, [except the “open” part? Idk it grates me for some reason???] even though it’s not my favorite song) Like she truly embodies Daisy Fay and it was incredible to see that in person.

However, the rest of the cast was so incredible too, ESPECIALLY MYRTLE (Chilina Kennedy). Holy Fuck is that woman amazing at singing. Her two songs she sang absolutely ate, like I’m obsessed with her voice. Wolfsheim (Eric Anderson) and George (Paul Whitty) also had amazing voices.

Also NICK??! Holy shit, I’m so sorry you’re not in like any promotional stuff cause you fucking killed it. The way I’m obsessed with how he sings “If only I’d knew then, that I would never be the same” in “Roaring On” and how he sings “The Met” is amazing

3.C) Visuals- kinda

Some of the visuals were ok tbh- kinda boring- but the ones that went big, WENT BIG. Of course “New Money”, “Roaring On” and “The Met” are the ones that stand out the most in my mind. “New Money” and “Roaring On” are exactly what you probably think it is, big dance numbers with sparks and huge lights. But I loved “The Met” cause the furniture slid around and literally moved around Nick while people drifted in and out of the room. It was just great to watch visually.

4.C) THE ENDING NUMBER HOLY SHIT

I. Love. Love. LOVE. How they brought back the opening number, and the theme of party goers going on from party to party to show how unimportant Gatsby was to the world, and how everyone moved on.

Like, Nick stood in the center of the stage, reciting the end of the book, in tears and voice cracking, as the ensemble in the back slowly get revealed and are just having a grand ol time looking for the next party. Just- chills. It was amazing conceptually and they pulled it off so well.

If the musical got nothing else in terms of structure going for it- at least they got the last minute right cause omg, I love when media has opposing moods in the same scene, and they did so well here.

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Overall, yeah. Not horrible but I don’t love it. The lack in plot and nonsense relationships and complete disregard of the book didn’t totally ruin the musical cause I had a good time and liked the songs and such but I would not go back and re watch it.

I think of you know nothing about the book or anything about The Great Gatsby other then there’s a guy named Gatsby and he’s great and you just want a nice sounding show, you’ll probably like this, but people who are burdened by the knowledge of the book will be hung up on a lot of things I mentioned here.

Always, long ass post, congrats to anyone who actually read this real informal review. I haven’t gone into how this is a pretty bad adaptation, but I’ll have to do that in another post (if people want to see that) and another time cause this took my literal hours to type out.

(Tbh I might just do the adaptation essay anyways, cause I’ve written at least 4 papers on adaptation in media [and how Groundhog Day the musicals the best Movie to Musicals adaptation] and I love that shit)

#the great gatsby musical #jeremy jordan #eva noblezada #Traci Elaine Lee #I’ll take off character tags if they clog the book tag too much #nick carraway #jay gatsby #daisy buchanan #tom buchanan #jordan baker #myrtle wilson #chilina kennedy #noah j. ricketts #john zdrojeski #paul whitty #eric anderson

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cannoli-reader · 9 months ago

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Hello Cannolli, your metas on the Wheel of Time books are always very well thought out and constructed, and you've clearly given a lot of thought to the series as a whole. I was wondering if you have any ideas on what RJ's plan for Egwene's AMoL arc and story would be? For all the other characters I can see the writing on the well, the clues and foreshadowing, and together with what can be inferred from BS's books about RJ's notes get what I think is a good aproximation for what would be their final arcs and ending. Except for Egwene! I've always had a hard time understamding her character and Sanderson favoured her so much that I have a hard time discerning what came from him or from the notes! I've found your analysis of her character very interesting and enlightening and so wanted to hear your thoughts on this! Thanks in advance! (No hard feelings if you're not up for answering this tho!)

With the caveat that I have a limited and spotty awareness of Jordan's notes, and so my answer is based largely on my projection of her arc and established characterization in the series, I would say her end was probably where Jordan intended, but Sanderson's path to get there, somewhat different.

"(No hard feelings if you're not up for answering this tho!)" - I found this amusing, because I am always down to go off at length about WoT, among other topics. "Up for answering this"? How could I not be? How hard could this be? The results of seven hours and two drafts later are under the cut.

First of all, when speaking of Jordan's intentions, I generally refer to all three of the final books together as aMoL since that was his plan, to finish the whole series with one book. So I would have to take Egwene's story from where it left off in KoD.

I think her rise in the Tower would have been a lot quicker. Maybe a montage chapter like in KoD, where she meets the other Ajah heads, with less dramatic results, but making a slightly better impression than she did with the two in KoD. Her serving Elaida, as set up in Tarna's chapter, might bring things to a head, but not with schoolyard putdowns. I don't believe she suddenly has the revelation, conveniently just in time to avoid behavior that would spur Elaida to put an end to her pretentions for good, that she should be trying to unite the Tower instead of driving the factions further apart. Rather, that realization should be more organic and maybe a result of seeing the fruits of her sowing coming to pass.

I don't believe the Seanchan attack would have gone as it did in tGS, where Sanderson seems completely oblivious to the fact that all Egwene did was kill a lot of people without changing much of the outcome. Even her shooting down the to'raken with captives was pretty appalling, since she and Alivia are living proof that being collared is not the end of your life, and the view of channelers as combat assets it is important to deny the enemy is morally repugnant. If anyone is going to be thinking in that manner on the eve of Tarmon Gaidon, there had better be some harsh & immediate blowback. I also don't think Sanderson realizes he had Egwene torture helpless women to death, or that there was any irony or sense of hyperbole in her self-congratulatory stream of consciousness. IF those things happened under Jordan, it should be the spur to Egwene coming to realize that fighting the Seanchan can't be the plan going forward, since it brings out the worst in her and others, and maybe the truce is the best thing for now. During the attack, Saerin actually showed the best leadership, and the kind more in keeping with Jordan's style in the prior books.

I don't know about her rescue, because so much of that is utterly wrong, especially everything with Bryne, from his going along at all, to suddenly brandishing a heron-mark sword, to his reaction to the Warder bond, to Egwene's pompous displeasure with Siuan in the aftermath. Again, I think Egwene was supposed to become disillusioned with Siuan in general during/following her captivity in the Tower, as she works for reconciliation, because Siuan is the worst advisor in the setting since Mordeth. She is the author of the conflict between the Aes Sedai, for her own personal vengeance. There are plenty of signs in the text suggesting that Elaida is not so different from Siuan or Egwene, and the latter in particular takes a lot of actions that mirror or duplicate Elaida's supposed worst crimes against the Tower. As part of her getting her focus on the right conflict, which should have been in parallel with Rand getting his personal issues straight, she should have rejected the whole course of action she pursued from LoC through KoD. She subtly does that in tGS, to a degree, but in a very contemptible way, wriggling out of responsibility for her part and blaming everyone else. Her condemnatory speech to the rebels after she is raised by the loyalist Hall is particularly risible, considering that collectively, the objects of her tirade balked and dragged their heels at doing most of the things she berates them for, and Egwene herself schemed, lied, tricked, maneuvered and ultimately commanded, them in taking those actions. It's the same thing with her histrionics with the Hall when she is raised, the spirit of her ideas in direct contradiction with what she tells the rebels, and her "defense" of Silviana being pure sophistry. The best thing you can say about all that blather is that it paints a picture of a sociopathicaly dishonest and manipulative woman, and might have been intended to show how far lost she has become in the pursuit of her political ascension. If Jordan had anything to do with the scripting of her plotline in tGS, that had to be his intention, to be her equivalent of Rand's behavior after Semirhage gets her hands on him (and his attack on Graendal's HQ & threats against the Borderland rulers are far more justifiable than Egwene's conduct in the Seanchan raid).

For the political side, once she was the consensus Amyrlin, she should have been in the position of a compromise candidate, not the universal hero with the moral high ground (because she has done nothing to earn it, even in the errant perspectives of in-story characters: she has waged war against the Tower, ruined the harbors and her efforts against the Seanchan are not impressive to sophisticated and experienced politicians, who scorn combat as the province of dumb thugs). This should have led to constant frustration in her efforts to make reforms and pursue policies, because after Elaida and after Siuan was deposed for her own high-handed and unilateral actions, the Hall is not going to take the new Amyrlin flexing lying down, especially when she was only chosen because they couldn't stand any of the other choices, or their rivals would never have allowed preferable candidates through. They are not going to agree to major changes to Tower procedures or policies, and they are not going to vote away their own power or toss out checks on the Amyrlin's authority on her say-so.

Jordan's writing is very big on partial victories, and compromises and hard work being necessary to achieve goals, he does not go for dramatic speeches that sway people to give the protagonist everything they want. I believe Jordan's intention in writing the original bargain Nynaeve & Elayne made with the Sea Folk to be a lesson in the costs of high-level political dealings and a warning that the hot streak the girls had been riding for a while was coming to an end, and they were not going to get their way by showing up and asking for it, or with a feat of creative channeling, and that not all goals could be met by driving off the Black sisters or defeating a Forsaken. I also utterly reject the idea that he would simply have the Sea Folk walk back the whole bargain in order to give Egwene a cheap win at no real cost.

To me, Egwene's straw-man debates with Gawyn and Nynaeve about her authority and the effect their recalcitrance can have, make no sense in ToM, because it's simply not an issue, because Warder bonds are firmly established as strictly private, and even one of the strictest sisters can have a Warder back-talk her in the Hall of the Tower without losing face in the Sitters' eyes. Siuan needed 10 years of Moiraine running amok before she started to have political problems, and it was arguably a sign of her own being captured by the system that she put it on Moiraine. There is certainly no real sign that the narrative endorses Siuan's view of the relationship & political issues, since Moiraine feels not the slightest remorse and promptly bails on the meeting to avoid telling Siuan things she is keeping from her. In the story we got, Egwene is getting everything she could wish, there are no problems with her campaign against Mesaana, and the Sitters vote for her proposals for the most painfully stupid reasons I can imagine an educated adult putting to paper. What possible reason could she have for demanding Nynaeve, Elayne and Gawyn jump through hoops to maintain her reputation? That sort of demand makes much more sense in a story where she is experiencing constant political frustration and administrative headaches (Sanderson promptly tossed all the issues with a massive and on-going influx of novices of all ages down the memory hole).

Egwene calling on Nynaeve and Elayne to attend her in the Tower would also create conflict with Elayne. Jordan has seeded too many conflicts between Andor and the White Tower, and between Elayne's two sets of duty, in the series for that not to come to a head in the finale. Egwene's is not the only plotline or character arc where lots of potential conflicts were handwaved away. Elayne is trying to rule one country and claim another, behind two very dubious and fraught coalitions, that are largely loyal to other parties. As awesome & loyal as Dyelin seems to be, she is wrong in every disagreement with Elayne from WH to KoD. Even her support of Elayne at the end is ultimately expressed as an aspect of her conservatism and resistance to change. In Cairhien, she's going to be working with a Red sister who is sworn to Rand, and will see that as two strikes against Elayne, given her anti-Rand policies and positions in Andor. And where she had to suppress and conceal their relationship in Andor, that's going to cost her in dealing with Sashelle and and of Rand's partisans in Cairhien (and there are hints here and there that the commoners and servants and soldiers hold him in rather higher regard than their lords and ladies do). In Cairhien, Elayne herself is a compromise candidate, with the Damodreds and their allies ready to accept her for the father she doesn't remember, their rivals willing to accept her because her name isn't Damodred, whatever remains of Colavaere's allies resenting their own downfall under Dobraine in Rand's name, for Elayne's sake, and some of Dobraine's allies expecting some sort of reward or primacy of place for their efforts in the interregnum. Also, famine. And in the middle of trying to juggle all this political stuff, with the Black Tower conflict heating up in her backyard, and the methods needed to win over Andorans inspiring contempt in Cairhienin, and Cairhienin methods triggering fear of tyranny and intrigue in Andorans, she gets a call in the middle of all this to put everything on hold and dance attendance on the Amyrlin because she can't handle her end, that's going to be when Elayne decides now is the time to draw that line between personal and political authority and responsibility. And Elayne can get away with it as no other ruler in the last thousand years could, because when it comes to Elayne versus the White Tower, the Dragon Reborn, King of Illian and Car'a'carn of the Aiel, and the Lord Captain Commander of the Children of the Light are not going to think twice before taking a side. Right, of course, at the least politically convenient time for Egwene.

With Gawyn, he has been taught, since day one, that in addition to physical protection and military advice, his job is also to tell his principal when she is in the wrong, and that is so not going to fly with Egwene in the middle of all the other problems going on. Sanderson seems to have run with the fandom meme that Gawyn is an idiot, on top of inventing a character issue where he resents Rand over class issues and a sense of heretofore never seen royal entitlement. The funny thing is "I should be the leader and hero, not that up-jumped sheepherder!" is basically Egwene's normal state of mind. So I could see Gawyn going to Elayne at Egwene's behest, or stepping in an volunteering, in an effort to patch things over, and butting heads with his sister, while trying to loyally stick to the party line, because Egwene is pissed that he keeps suggesting her leadership methods aren't the best. Because Gawyn has been taught to be a military commander in what is basically a feudal military structure, which means herding cats on a bunch of nobles to get them to carry out the crown's strategies and campaign plans, whereas up until aMoL, Egwene's political training has been about intrigue and subterfuge, and no so much on coalition-building, and appeasing competing interests.

With Nynaeve, she's generally willing to play along, but that's not always helpful, as Nynaeve is all about the moral with little use for the political. We see what her version of helping with political negotiations is like in KoD where Cadsuane has to rein her in from threatening the nobles with Rand's wrath. Her PoV chapters became much more rare after she broke her block, because she's largely centered and has found her right head-space, that Egwene & Rand are still striving for in KoD & aMoL. And that means she is going to be a lot more confident in calling out the sisters on their bullshit, and have Opinions, however respectfully she might make them known to Egwene, on Egwene's methods. She's been butting heads with Cadsuane for three books. No one in the Tower is going to impress her all that much, and to Egwene, it's going to be like having a loose cannon in the Tower.

I think in Jordan's version, Egwene, around the time Rand is on Dragonmount, and Mat is struggling in the Tower of Ghenji and Perrin is trying to save the Children of the Light while relations with Elayne are at their nadir and Caemlyn is falling to the Trollocs, is going to complete her mini-arc of coming to understand what it means to unify the Tower, to move away from the partisanship that divided it under Siuan and her predecessors, reconcile with the fence-sitting sisters, and after all these problems are worked through, she starts repairing her relationships with Elayne and Gawyn, at the least. Maybe she helps resolve things between Elayne and Perrin as well. I don't think her penultimate climax is going to be simply beating Mesaana and the Black Ajah in direct combat for the Tower, at most that would be a part of the whole unity arc, only tangentially related, in the way that the fight with the Black Ajah was to Elayne's claiming the Lion Throne.

I also think the conflict, if any, between Rand & Egwene at Merrilor is going to be over an arbitrary and nonsensical issue like the Seals, but more the cumulative result of all the baggage they've built up over the course of the series. Egwene is going to be fearing the worst, because I think it more likely that Dark Rand called the meeting intending to lay down the law and crush any resistance to his leadership, but then Dragonmount, whereas he has been observing from the outset her resistance to him and his role in things, and her White Tower partisanship. Their working past that, and coming to accept the changes each has made should be organic as well, the payoff of years of friendship and history, with all their friends in common, from the Two Rivers and Rand's love interests helping to bring them together. It would absolutely NOT be resolved by Moiraine wafting in on a cloud of angel farts quoting Scripture the Prophecies of the Dragon to convince the assembled leaders of the nations to fall into line.

I think the effect of Moiraine's return should have been private and personal, for Rand at least, and maybe Egwene too. And it should have some apologies for how she treated them and used them, because let's face it, she did not go out as a hero, she manufactured a scenario to emotionally abuse and gaslight Rand into believing his weaknesses and shortcomings caused her death, and wrote a letter tacitly blaming him, while also writing one to passive-aggressively guilt Mat into risking mutilation and death to extract her from the situation she contrived to put herself in. In any case, it's nonsense that Rand & Egwene would drop their contentions at her word. Egwene was losing her devotion to Moiraine as a mentor before the end, not least because of disagreements over her handling of Rand, and as Amyrlin, would emphatically make a point that their relationship has changed now, as she does with absolutely every other person she knew beforehand. Part of Rand's epiphany is getting some perspective, and while he'd be thrilled to see Moiraine return, the List should be gone, and only relevance her return should have to that construct is the role she played in turning Rand that way. Her return doesn't solve problems, it's the reward for working past the problems. For Moiraine herself, I think she's learned her lesson as a result of her captivity, and goes into the Pit of Doom with him because she means it now, she accepts that this is Rand's mission and it's his call and she will back him 100%.

A lot of the decisions for Tarmon Gaidon, will, I believe, be made on the basis of the connections and trust built up over the course of the series, and part of Egwene's role would be to legitimize it all for public consumption, by telling people who don't get it, that everything is cool, trust the Amyrlin. For the Battle itself, I could not say, because what Sanderson wrote is the complete opposite of WoT warfare. Instead of heavy emphasis on the fog of war, brilliant plans crashing and burning at the outset, the brutality, and the cost, and especially the chaos, and the lack of control, we got a handful of protagonists playing a strategy game, where every piece moved exactly according to the rules, Mat was in complete control the whole time, and half of the decisive moments were settled in duels. On the issue of Egwene, I do think she would die, trying to do something beyond her grasp. I think Gawyn might die specifically because of an order Egwene gave or a choice she made, which is the strong implication of Egwene's dream of him choosing between two paths that lead to different fates, because of her. As it was, picking a fight with the enemy Forsaken general because he didn't have anything better to do, A. does not fit that foreshadowing, and B. indicates a failure to grow from the again, out-of-nowhere envy of Rand and his role. Telling Galad not to succumb to his own fatal flaw, because it got Gawyn himself mortally wounded, is hardly growth (and why would Galad hate or envy Rand, anyway? At best, his expression of this too-late realization makes Gawyn a shitty sibling for thinking the worst of his big brother). In Jordan's aMoL, Gawyn dying because of Egwene's choice or action (not necessarily error, mind you) fulfils his loyalty arc and forces Egwene to confront a real and personal price, and one that she has not reckoned with before this book. She's considered in the abstract prices for her tactics and people dying from her decisions, but its never come home, especially because she was spared the necessity of assaulting the Tower. Egwene pushed for decisive action, but hesitated over actually pulling the trigger on any such significant acts, and lucked out when the Seanchan swooped in and relieved her of the need to fish or cut bait on the Tower siege.

That's what I think Egwene's arc would come to in the end - a realization that she's only ever paid lip service to meeting toh or the "pay for it" part of taking "what you want", and that the price for her quest for the Amyrlin Seat, and all the dirt she did along the way, using slander against her enemies and false propaganda on her subordinates and allies, declaring war against people she should have been working with against the Shadow, and being a party to perhaps the worst case of "men fighting their own petty battles" with the Shadow looming over the world, it all comes down to what is she going to do with that power and that position. Her rationalization from the get-go, and perhaps even her true motive, though that would denote an incredible degree of arrogance, has basically been to ensure that the necessary steps are taken and the right woman for the job has it. And now, at the critical moment, she has the choice to try to do the impossible to save the world, regardless of the cost to herself, and she can't do anything else. Whether because that is how she operates, to always push, always reach for more, or because she has come to the realization that if she backs down, she was full of shit when she did all the suspect stuff she did along the way, and that all her striving since becoming Nynaeve's apprentice has only been about self-aggrandizement, that she has been taking what she wants all her adult life, but now is being called on to pay for it.

And a flip side to that, is that Egwene, as depicted in the story, who is all about concentration of power on herself, and cares only for accruing more and more power, status or authority, can't survive or have a happily ever after, without a radical change of personality and mindset, without changing into someone no longer recognizable as the woman whom readers love or hate for her irrepressible ambition and determination. To put it another way, Egwene's attitude and mindset are only justifiable in a protagonist of a fantasy story where the fate of the world hangs in the balance, where her drive and appetite for advancement can only be justified as a means to resolve stakes of that magnitude. She is the parallel to Rand, who, as the Chosen One, the prophesied savior, is given a great deal of latitude and approbation for actions that would be unconscionably ambitions or tyrannical in anyone but a man on whom the fate of the world depends (though, ironically, Egwene herself is the least tolerant toward Rand in this regard). It's understood that after the Last Battle, Rand, if he survives, will no longer have the claim to most of his power or authority. Many people swear fealty or promise to follow him, to the Last Battle, as a limiting condition on their service. But such conditions are not applied to Egwene or to her position as Amyrlin Seat. The Aes Sedai who swear fealty to Rand after grossly abusing their power and social position and violating his trust, still only do so until the Last Battle. The Aes Sedai Egwene blackmails with the knowledge of actions taken to help her friend and to further her cause, do not have any such condition that will end their servitude. And Egwene is outraged by Rand's receipt of sisters' fealty. With that kind of mindset and usurpation of power, she had to go. Egwene is the epitome of the Dark Knight aphorism that you die young or live long enough to become the villain.

#egwene al'vere #wheel of time #a memory of light #runaway speculation

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