#or realistically they probably wouldn’t even acknowledge it at all

[ninjaaa-go]

I was just thinking that, if we do actually get amnesiac Jay, him eventually getting his memories back could be really interesting. Because obviously you’ve got all the great memories with his family and the people he loves, but at the same time just— the horrors. The guy has so much trauma piled up from over the years and I feel like that would be A Lot to have dumped on you all at once.

[darlingshane]

I’d love to hear your thoughts on why Shane is the best character in TWD 😊

Cause he's my baby and he's hot and I love him and that's good enough of a reason 😂 

But if you want something more logical, perhaps for a lot of reasons people tend to overlook… First, something that always bugs me is how little acknowledge there is of him actually stepping into the role of a leader for months before Rick showed up. As far as I know, no one in that group stepped in like he did. For the few interactions we saw, everyone would come to him for answers, and while he wasn’t always very diplomatic, he had good survival instincts and kept the group safe for months. Perhaps staying at the quarry wouldn’t have worked in the long run, but it was a plan nonetheless. 

He was right most of the time. He figured out pretty quickly how things were after the infection, and adapted a new mindset. He had to make tough decisions nobody was ready for yet, and maybe he pushed too hard instead of giving people time to get into that same headspace. And we see in later seasons that almost everyone thinks in a similar way Shane did, they just have different approaches. 

and it keeps going under the cut...

I recently saw a timeline in a subreddit or somewhere else that said the events from season 1 and 2 happened in the span of 2 or 3 weeks and that's crazy to me. So they were seemingly doing good, and they found Rick, everyone automatically herd to him, and everything until that point didn’t really matter anymore. That really pisses me off that he was just killed a few weeks later because they couldn’t sit down and talk things over. All and that, and despite him being driven for his misplaced love for Lori, he was still loyal to Rick in his own way. Did he question Rick’s leadership? Yes, countless times. Did he also follow his lead every single time? Also yes.

Which leads me to my next point. He also kept Rick safe. In the hospital flashback, he went in and saw what was happening and amidst all the chaos he still tried to get him out. When he couldn't, he did the only thing he could, he locked the door and barricade it. Did he know that would keep him safe? Probably no. He had absolutely no idea, but he was driven by getting them all out, and when he couldn’t get him out, he did the best he could to get Lori and Carl out of town. If he hadn't lied about Rick, Lori wouldn’t have agreed to leave him behind. Again, tough situations led to hard decisions.

And one of the hardest decisions he made was killing Otis to save Carl. He didn’t murder him in cold blood, he was with him until the end, killing him wasn’t something that crossed his mind until the very last second when he had no choice. If he hadn’t, Carl wouldn’t have gotten the care he needed. BUT people tend to paint him as a murderer for shooting him in the leg. It wasn’t right, but it was the only way out at that moment. I recently revisited one of my fics and wrote that Shane sacrificed his soul to saved Carl that day and I still agree with that. I don’t think he purposely hurt someone before unless he was defending himself. And from that moment on, you could see it changed him and didn’t know how to deal with that, which led him to his own demise.

Was he an asshole sometimes? Yes. Did he do or say things in a way I didn’t agree with? Yes. Did I ever want to slap him? Many times. But there was something about him, compared to other antagonists later on the show, that made him more realistic to me. He wasn’t driven by wanting to be right all the time or even being the leader. His misguided love for Carl and Lori, was at its core the things that he cared the most about and that he wanted to protect at all costs. And while I cared for neither, I think it was beautiful of him. 

I can never watch his last moments. For me, he got the right idea at the beginning of season 2 when started considering leaving the group on his own. I wish he had done that, even if that meant leaving the show. 

I’m probably forgetting something here cause I haven’t rewatched in years, but I think that’s it. Like I’ve said, I didn’t pay much attention to him the first time around, I did agree with him most of the time, it was his manners that left a lot to be desired. It wasn’t until my love for Frank got me to go back and watch some of his previous performances that I got to see Shane in a new light. 

In conclusion, he’s still the best character to me, and everyone should love him like I do. Or not. More Shane for me if you don’t. 

[cripplecharacters]

I want to write more disabled characters but my story takes place in the 60s… so far it hasn’t been an issue because the disabilities included would historically either be undiagnosed, kept secret, belong to characters already at the fringes of society, etc

I really want a specific character to have Down’s syndrome but it’s not the sort of story that would at all be benefited from the inclusion of an institution. For personal reasons, I don’t want to touch that. I’ve been writing him with just undiagnosed autism that’s left him socially outcast from his peers. The most extreme his ableism gets is being seen as the local weird girl (as he’s a closeted trans man)

The story is decently realistic for what the queer and intersex characters would experience, imagining doing the same for disability feels bad… at least, to the level of ableism someone with Down’s syndrome would experience. His parents are notably shitty, rich, and care more about their reputation than their kids so I don’t see a way he wouldn’t get that treatment.

Is there a way I can still write this or similar characters without delving into heavy ableism? What are your thoughts on historical stories that ignore or downplay historical ableism?

Thanks, @interroblog

Hello asker,

I'll start first with a small note: It's better to write Down Syndrome as opposed to the possessive Down's Syndrome, since John Langdon Down didn't have DS.

So, with this story there is one general concern:

It feels strange to depict period-accurate intersexism and transphobia and homophobia as core parts of the story, but downplaying ableism when it's as period-accurate as the other -isms. In this case, it can definitely feel like you're glossing over a very relevant part of history that would have been part of your story. Yes, queer and intersex people have faced some really difficult things and still do. But the same is true for disabled people. Ignoring this can feel revisionist.

If you're going for a very realistic story, but you don't want to write ableism at all, it is probably better to just skip the DS aspect. People with DS have faced some truly intense ableism throughout history (and they still do), as people who have intellectual disability and facial and physical differences, two things that lead to some pretty intense ableism from many, many people. It's fine to not do this if you're not comfortable writing ableism, but again, intense ableism was widespread and common.

However, if the only thing holding you back is institutionalization: Not every single person with Down Syndrome was institutionalized. Yes, it was very common, and would probably be thought about, suggested, and even encouraged. But not everyone institutionalized their children with DS, for various reasons.

If you want him to still have that type of parents, perhaps the reason they don't institutionalize him is in fact for the benefit of their reputation. Maybe they want to be seen as 'saintly' for raising a visibly disabled child or something – still shitty, still caring about their reputation more than their actual kids, like you intended; there is just a different outcome.

Now, to my personal thoughts on historical stories that ignore or downplay ableism, as someone who loves historical fiction: It depends on how historically accurate the story in general both is and aims to be. But I don't like stories that completely ignore ableism, especially the more realistic they aim to be. It feels like glossing over history. Even modern stories that completely ignore ableism I don't like. I still recognize that downplaying historical ableism can be a useful tool for authors, especially for disabled authors' own comfort. And, also, while ableism was very common in the past, it doesn't mean every disabled person ever always faced the worst possible ableism ever.

Basically: you, and other authors, can acknowledge historical ableism accurately without making it the main point and focus of the story. But if your focus is a story specifically about discrimination, which it seems like it is, it feels irresponsible to gloss over an extremely common and pervasive form of discrimination.

Hope this helps,

– mod sparrow

[kimsmuse]

yandere childhood friend ♡ !!

gender neutral!reader. 1.7k words. warnings for irrational obsession for the reader. i'm not sure what it is but the guy is very, very delusional. i'm not sure what to think of this piece, but this one goes out for 🤏🍷anon, i loved the yandere drummer you drew so much so i hope you like this :) !!

“here,” you bring the flower to his face but he’s still annoyed. lately, he’s annoyed by almost everything, was teenage so bad? you wouldn’t know yet. your best friend is almost 2 years older than you and only holds the position because you've been practically be forced to get along with each other, courtesy of your family being great friends.

he scrunches up his face. “i'm allergic, you should know that.” he responds, not even looking up from his homework. “make me a paper bouquet, then we’ll see.”

the first time you realized that you liked your bestfriend was the first time that he realized that romance was not his cup of tea and with you? no way in hell. he hated the idea of cheesy romcoms and pop songs, it disgusted him and he made a point of making it obvious.

but you were young, just about 12 or something, and he was the only one close enough to fantasise about, so you did - doodled hearts around his initials and yours, “2gether 4ever ♡” and made it so obvious to the adults around you that they often teased you about it, much to your friend’s dismay.

and the crush was so strong that the moment you went home, you were on youtube, looking for ways to make a paper flower, and then piecing it all together.

“bed time, now,” your mother calls out and you proudly show off your paper bouquet to her, “is that for him?” she asks, amused at your efforts to be seen by your crush. you nod.

“aw, baby, as much as i love his mother as my bestfriend, that kid doesn’t deserve you,” she kisses your forehead.

yes, there were times when it felt like your heart was breaking into pieces or however those songs called it, when you saw him around school hanging out with other girls and not even acknowledging your presence. but when you went home and he excitedly told you about the new game he was playing, you fell all over again. besides, this is what happened in the music videos, right? there will be a day when he sees you like that too, when he’ll be long over this phase of shouting “ew, ew, ew,” when his parents kiss and be a more mature guy.

you did think that. but it was always in such a future tense that it never seemed realistic enough, it seemed far, far away. and when you actually reached that time period, your family had to move away, dad got a job somewhere else.

so you left that paper bouquet, (which quite frankly you didn’t have the courage to give it to him in fear that he might mock you that he told you to make it for him and you did? what a fool…) and a letter detailing your feelings for him.

but obviously it didn’t hold much depth, as you can imagine, a preteen detailing their infatuation.

but long after you were gone, your friend started to do something which he never thought he would do, ever. he was missing you.

he missed you when he came home from school and there was no one to talk to, or no one to taunt about how much he hated a particular thing and not have you judge him. it was just so awesome on how you had never judged him for anything, because he was sure if he kept on repeating on how much he hated taylor swift to some other girl in his grade, she'd probably have flipped him off, even if she, herself hated her. that was the level of repetitive he could get.

but he missed you, making those random cakes with your mother and you ran down to him to make him taste it first and he acted disgusted. “this is the worst, did you put in salt instead of sugar?” and you still had a smile on your face when you answered. “no, i just tasted it.”

he fiddled with the paper bouquet you left him for a long while after that, thinking about that afternoon and many others like that again and again. he could just… call you but his ego wouldn’t let him. and he was so disappointed over the fact that you were talking to his mother almost every other day, but you never asked for him?

it was hurtful.

but he couldn’t just ignore it. even when it was the only thing he wanted to do, ignore you, keep you out of his mind. but even when in high school he began going on dates and dances, he kept coming back to the paper flowers you left him.

he didn’t have any allergies. he was just messing with you. he never knew you'd actually do it. just like he never thought you'd actually leave, or that he'd ever miss you like this.

when he was out of the local college, he was sure that he was going to come to you, he knew the city where you lived through his parents' daily conversation at the dinner table. you were still in college, about an year or two remaining and he looked for jobs in your area.

when he found one, he was absolutely relieved. he told his parents it was one of the best opportunities in his career and it was, just not in his career, but it helped that the city you were in was quite famous and the job wasn’t bad either.

so when he finally takes your number from his mother and calls you.

he’s so delighted to hear your voice, even though it has changed a lot. and you’re happy too! you sound really happy when you say that you're excited to meet him.

and oh, you’re right, he never considered your angle on it, you must have missed him so much! oh, poor thing, the move must have been so harsh to you. maybe the reason you didn’t ask his mom to give him the call was because it'd simply hurt too much to talk to him without being near him. right? this had to be the only explanation.

so when he moves in and settles into his apwrtment, he calls you in the morning, and you give him a recommendation for a cafè nearby, “it’s a good one, i think you'll like it,”

see! you know him so well!

he arrives there a few minutes late, but you’re already there. oh, you still love him so well.

but midway through drinking overexpensive coffees and reminiscing the old times, he chokes on his drink.

he honestly thinks you’re kidding.

“what?” he wants you to repeat it again.

“i said, i’m not in love with you, my friend, i’ve moved on,”

the friend stings more than applying sanitizer on a cut, he swears. but it was just unbelievable, you were just running after him (not quite literally, pardon him, he’s a little delusional) begging for him (again, he’s delusional) to make him go on a date with you, with the last part being true. you did want him to go on a date with you, but you respected his decisions.

yes, you did have the worst and incredibly humiliating crush on your childhood friend, but it was just all that was in your opinion, a crush that started when you were 12 because he was the only one you hung out with and spent all your time with and so you were convinced, from ages 12 to 16 almost that this was the guy you’d marry and start a family with, you’d already picked out the names for them. but the problem was? he didn’t like you back.

your childhood friend had better things to do, like all teenage guys do, ofcourse, but he was always stuck with the feeling that he didn’t want you, he physically cringed when at joint dinner sometimes both of your parents would joke about you both dating, it was just something that was unimaginable for him at that point. only at that point though.

he was too busy going out on dates with random people, unbeknownst to how much he was hurting you (because in his defense, he was just a kid and he wasn’t quite sure how deep your feelings ran).

but now? why not now?

he had finally realized that it was you he liked, genuinely. And now you say this? It was absolutely heartless, did you not even stop to consider his feelings, even for once? Did the fact that you loved him before mean nothing to you?

“why don’t you love me anymore? or are you lying? to avenge your hopeless pining and me turning you away, is that it? please, talk to me. please.”

“it was a childhood crush, they eventually go away,” you don’t know what more he wants to say to you.

“but i… but you,”

“there are no but's here, if you came here looking for me because you’re realizing your feelings almost 8-9 years later then it's absurd because did you really think i would wait for you that long? i have a life now, i have a boyfriend and.. just grow up, you have a job here you should focus on that.”

you mentally made a note to stay the fuck away from this guy, because he was spewing some crazy, crazy shit. never in your wildest dreams did you ever think he would come back and be insistent on his feelings, it was all like a fever dream.

“am i that bad..?” he whispers softly, you look up at him, he has both of his hands on the table and his head hanging down. great, he's crying now. “i'm sorry i was so rude to you before.”

“look, it's fine, okay? we were both kids and i don't even hold it against you, i didn’t back then and i still don't. so go live your life and move on,”

you didn’t think you could bear to stay sitting there for a minute more, so you got up and went to the counter to pay and without a second glance, you left the cafè.

all the while, your childhood friend is still sitting there, not looking up.

“i.. i can’t do that,” and he looks up and wipes his tears, he didn’t come all the way here just to get disheartened so easily, did he?

[eerie-august]

Theory time because I accidentally connected some dots (??) after reading E91 and I have no one to talk to about it —>

(No spoilers for fast pass, please if this theory is disproven in the next four episodes don’t spoil it)

Ever since episode 66 I have been wondering what exactly was the significance of Ashlyn’s dream, because the more you look at it the more obvious it becomes that it wasn’t a dream.

To sum up the episode:

After being drugged by Mr.Thomas, the next episode starts with Ashlyn being surrounded by her friends, most of which are playing video games. She falls asleep, and when she wakes up it’s dark and her friends are gone. She goes looking for them (acknowledging how strange the situation is) and finds them (including Logan) all inside a separate room. Before she can interact with them, a whisper catches her attention. She looks over to see a different Logan, one who is clearly hiding/peeking around a corner, warn her “that’s not us.” She looks back at her “friends,” all of which now have scary phantom faces. Then she wakes up in the lab in a panic and this “dream” is never mentioned again.

At first this comes off as a nightmare. Makes sense, Ashlyn was unconscious for a bit after a stressful event. Even the background of the chapter is grey and staticy, very indicative of a dream or flashback. However everything feels too linear, too real to be a dream. Ashlyn seems to be fully conscious, and a dream doesn’t explain why Logan specifically would be there to warn her about the phantom friends. I mean I love the guy but realistically if episode was completely irrelevant I fear he wouldn’t be in it.

Now I want to jump ahead to what Tyler and Aiden were talking about in E91. They both reveal they’ve been having dreams where a phantom version of themselves was trying to kill them.

Coincidence? I sure hope not because that would ruin the theory.

If Aiden and Tyler have been experiencing these dreams because they died, then why would Ash be experiencing something similar?

To explain this I propose a theory: there is a hidden, dreamlike world in between the real world and the phantom dimension, which contains the phantomified versions of real people. Here they aren’t quite human, but not completely phantoms either. This is where Tyler and Aiden are going, and this is where Ash and Logan have visited. Why tho?

Before I go into that, I want to highlight some things said early on in E66.

I think it’s safe to assume that the Logan who warns Ashlyn of her fake friends was the real Logan who was somehow in the dream with her.

And I suspect this wasn’t his first time in that realm, either. During their video game banter, Aiden complains of how good Logan is at the game. This doesn’t really matter, unless you take into account that fact that Logan supposedly hasn’t played before. The explanation? He has played it before.

Ashlyn does not realize her friends are phantoms, but Logan has (hence why he warns her from his hiding place). It appears that Logan has experienced this dream before, possibly so many times that he was able to master the “brand new” video game they were playing. It might work like a time loop, sending the kids though the same actions every time they visit.

Okay, so, if this is some third/subconscious dimension, then why are specifically Ashlyn and Logan the only ones experiencing this? I have a couple ideas:

1. It results after near-death or panic-inducing experience.

As far as we’re aware, Ashlyn only went to this “dimension” once, during the time she was being kidnapped. The drugs combined with her frantic fighting combined with her panic probably took a pretty big toll on her physical well being in addition to her mental. It makes sense that she might be in a weird headspace for a bit. As for Logan, I would like to point out that we are still missing crucial backstory details for his character. Maybe he experienced something when he was younger, or even at the start of the series that would cause him to go into panics resulting in dreaming about this “dimension.” Admittedly this theory has some problems.

- All of the kids have had many traumatizing experiences, why has Ashlyn only had this dream once?

- If Logan suffered from a traumatic event before being sucked into the rift in Savannah, why is he now experiencing this dream?

Theory 2: this dimension is where the kids go when they’re unconscious.

This one also has some major problems, but let me give the supporting evidence first. For starters, we’ve seen both Ash and Logan physically pass out within the Webtoon.

Logan went night-night as early as E22, which gives him plenty of time to experience this dreamworld before Ash got there. I also want to point out that both of these occurrences were from actually passing out, and not just sleeping. If this theory is to work then it must be from forced unconsciousness. However the plotholes for this theory are strong.

- We also saw Ben and Taylor knocked out in the same episode as Ashlyn, and it doesn’t appear that they had the same dream.

- If Logan has had this dream enough times to memorize hidden crawlspaces in a game, then he probably needs to spend a lot of time unconscious. That’s not good for his brain

Theory 3: the dream occurs depending on damage sustained from the phantom dimension.

This one doesn’t explain why Ashlyn has only had this dream once and specifically during E66, but it does solve a few issues regarding the other’s lack of this dream.

As far as I’m aware, Ashlyn and Logan have been directly injured by phantoms while the others haven’t. I’m pretty sure. (I also want to point out that when being tested in the lab for a connection, Logan was the one chosen to be nicked by the phantom, continuing the pattern that he’s been hurt by them while others haven’t)

Although not fatal, Logan sustained a pretty nasty scratch from a phantom in E22. It was so bad the scar existed in E32 and appeared in his shadow in E42. This implies it’s/he’s now heavily connected to the phantom dimension.

Ashlyn was also scratched way back in E10, then again in E73. Both were minor but left a scar and occurred during emotionally charged times. I don’t understand why a scratch occurring in E10 could result in a dimension hop in E66, but it could work in combination with the other theories. Maybe by being injured by phantoms, Ash and Logan were both “marked” and introduced to this in between-world. Then in times of great emotional or physical stress they come back to this dream because the fabric between dimensions is thinning.

This is about the extent of my thoughts but I do think I’m onto something. Let me know of any additions or contradictions to this theory

[dragomfry]

Discussion on Doumeki’s Current Treatment of Yashiro

(And what it means for the story’s mature themes + Tangent on Romance and BL as genres and how I interpret Saezuru)

This continues the conversation from @nanayashi-agenda’s reply. Thank you for replying, you’ve given me lots to think about. It seems my views on Doumeki’s treatment of Yashiro are similar to yours. Speaking to all: I’m always open to hearing the diverse opinions of others and broadening my own views, so please, keep giving your honest thoughts on the story and what it means to you. I think it’s wonderful that we can interpret this story in a multitude of ways; it’s what makes the story so compelling to me.

Disclaimer: I’m going to be very harsh on Doumeki in this post. In no way am I trying to take away from anyone’s enjoyment of the story, and if you interpret it differently than me, that’s cool! I’m just giving my opinions in this post, and we can agree or disagree. Please, if you’re sensitive to a harsh look at Doumeki’s actions or your reading of the story is more idealistic, I kindly suggest you move past this post. But if you’re open to a critical reading of Doumeki’s actions, this post has a ton of thoughts that I hope are interesting.

Just to be clear, I believe he’s a very well-written character, and I still like him. But he is very flawed, just like other characters. Even though I understand his actions, I don’t believe they are the most moral. Basically, this post analyzes and aims to understand the complicated why and how of Doumeki’s actions, and I give my opinions on them while being as understanding as possible.

TW for themes of sexual violence and abuse

Full disclosure: I am of the opinion that the first time they *made love was non-consensual and almost every sexual act Doumeki has made on Yashiro after the timeskip has been dub-con at best… and rape at worst.

I mentioned this before, but I think Yoneda-sensei is the only writer that can make me acknowledge the apparent toxicity of the relationship yet still have me actively wanting the characters to get married. Never before have I encountered a romance that is hindered by such realistic, unavoidable barriers and misunderstandings that it makes complete sense for both partners to act and feel in the controversial ways they do; therefore, the drama never feels unnecessary or gratuitous for the sake of the audience. Based on my interpretation, the slow burn and controversial drama exists because anything else to advance their relationship would be antithetical to their characters. And all while we understand the complex reasons for their actions, it seems Yoneda-sensei never attempts to romanticize the toxic behaviors, either. If there are any other stories or authors that do this, I wouldn’t mind some recommendations…

Sorry for the slightly related tangent in the next 4 paragraphs within the lines. You can just skip those if you want to jump right away into the topic of discussion. My thoughts overwhelm me a lot, too…

———————————————————————————

Ig there is quite a bit of context as to why I asked for your thoughts on this topic in the first place. This tangent is related to my general views about how I interpret Saezuru as a whole and what that means for this topic.

Let’s just say I was not all that interested in romance as a genre. I have nothing against romance (and I should probably read more of it to get a better idea on the genre as a whole), it’s just that I’ve always associated it with contemporary issues, not much conflict, and a predictable structure that typically ends happily with a stereotypically heterosexual couple getting together, which doesn’t interest me too much. Why read a romance when you already know how it ends? Rhetorical question, it’s the journey, but I like many of my journeys to have substantial bumps in it and at least some food for thought, yknow? Anyways, I didn’t think BL would interest me at all for a similar reason. Furthermore, I’ve heard many negative traits about the genre. That it romanticizes abuse, depicts gay people unrealistically, and is just gay porn with no substance. Also I heard rape was such a common backstory trope that it became banal… which is just awful to me, especially with how it mostly isn’t given the same sensitive treatment as I believe it is in Saezuru. Rape should never just be something to add to a story for worthless drama. With all this, it’s almost like BL would be anathema to me… until I found one that surprised me with its themes (which I’ll write a review for), and then found Saezuru. Saezuru is just different from the others (I sounded like Doumeki there, huh), and I believe it’s an anomaly in terms of the romance department and storytelling generally. I could quite literally talk about this series for hours and not get bored. Apologies, my blog is basically all those random thoughts… tl;dr: Saezuru seems to defy its genre conventions, critique them, or give a nuanced perspective on them, where others have failed to do so, which makes the story infinitely more interesting to me.

In terms of “ships,” I personally cannot ship anything unless there is substantial evidence in the canon to suggest the couple can exist realistically. Also, I try to look at characters as objectively as possible. I try to understand the characters for what they’re written as, not as my own interpretation or to reduce them to just a ship. This is why it’s so hard for me to read fan fiction. I can’t read or mentally accept stories of the characters when they don’t act like themselves.

So anyways, these views are why I can’t help but be critical of Doumeki’s actions and words towards Yashiro. I feel, in being able to view Doumeki as a sex offender and Yashiro as a victim, I can derive a more meaningful interpretation of Saezuru’s story and not have rose-tinted glasses when I pair the two together. I suppose we’ll have to see what Yoneda-sensei has in store for the ending to see if she really aligns with my interpretation of the story’s themes, but judging by how she’s managed to so delicately handle many of the controversial themes she presents (and how she clearly cares about her characters, how she handles rape, and how she wants to deliver a satisfying end to the story), I have reason to believe she could pull it off. I am cautiously optimistic.

Jeez I went overboard

———————————————————————————

After having binged all of Saezuru from chapters 1-58 in like a week, my thoughts were going haywire. The main thought on my mind though, was this: Why was Doumeki treating Yashiro so callously when he loves him and treated him so gently beforehand? Turns out, this is quite the loaded question, so I broke it down into 3 parts below.

I stumbled upon this old interview and was even more confused when I considered this quote from Yoneda-sensei:

When I was thinking about whom I should pair Yashiro with, this is the kind of character that turned out.

Doumeki is a character originating from Yashiro.

It's like he started functioning because Yashiro existed.

…So the two are literally made for each other, but now Doumeki is sexually abusing Yashiro? How can that be his ideal partner? Why can’t he just let the poor guy sleep??

Well, I reason that it’s because of the super complicated tangle of emotions and effects of the upbringings of Doumeki and Yashiro that this is their situation in the story. I also think Yoneda-sensei is giving some concrete commentary on rape culture.

I believe that Doumeki’s actions are based on a large mix of what you said.

Here are the questions I’m tackling:

Why does Doumeki treat Yashiro that way?

Why won’t Doumeki abide by Yashiro’s requests to not have sex?

Why hasn’t Doumeki questioned the morality of his actions?

1.) Why does Doumeki treat Yashiro that way?

The conversation with Nanahara and Doumeki’s takeaways are still very mysterious, but it’s undeniable that it influenced his views and behaviors towards Yashiro now. Sidenote: did we get to see Doumeki’s reply to Nanahara at the end of the extra yet?

I agree with your statement here:

he thinks that "kind" and gentle treatment is what made yashiro leave. doumeki's main concern now is not letting him "run away" again. […] and by that logic, cruelty and sex are the best tool

Adding on, I think there are 2 main reasons in Doumeki’s head that he uses to justify the cruelty and sex: 1.) Doumeki does not want to hurt Yashiro again by treating him gently because Yashiro perceived that as rape (which is a belief I will tackle later), and 2.) he still believes Yashiro hasn’t changed because of Yashiro’s words and his sleeping with Inami/other men. The second reason in itself, oh my, is another entire post on how the misunderstandings in Saezuru are actually realistic and compelling and not stupid for the sake of relationship drama, but I digress.

Ch. 43 (top) and ch. 46

Because “Yashiro hasn’t changed,” he still thinks Yashiro doesn’t like serious relationships. He still thinks Yashiro will only have sex with men who are rough and don’t care about him (Inami, Kido) because that’s Yashiro’s coping mechanism. So, to not hurt Yashiro with gentleness, to prevent other men from hurting him, to be as close as possible to him, to keep him from running away, and to appeal to his coping mechanism, he uses cruelty and sex.

It’s very backwards. Hurting to prevent hurt... Similarly, being hurt to prevent hurt…

Doumeki and Yashiro’s fortes. These two are the best worst match, truly.

I didn’t even mention the slut-shaming, but I believe that lies in his jealousy, possessiveness, and hurt from being tossed away mostly.

2.) Why won’t Doumeki abide by Yashiro’s requests to not have sex?

doumeki assumes with confidence what yashiro wants and needs, and then acts on those assumptions.

Agree. It doesn’t matter what Yashiro says he wants Doumeki to do or not to do, Doumeki will act the way he does so he “helps” Yashiro realize what he “actually wants and needs” because he thinks Yashiro isn’t capable of that.

To Doumeki, he thinks Yashiro wants what he says he doesn’t want. I believe this is what he realized on the rooftop with Nana.

It always puzzled me why Doumeki didn’t take into consideration that time Yashiro told him he got raped by his stepfather in his realization of… something… after Nana told him this. In ch. 4 we are aware that Doumeki knows about how Yashiro’s stepfather raped him (“This man went through the same things as my sister”), so surely he should have considered that part of his past’s effect on his twisted perception of sex??

But now, I think my interpretation—that Doumeki is acting deliberately against what Yashiro says he doesn’t want because, on the rooftop, Doumeki concluded that that’s what Yashiro actually wants—makes sense as to why that scene isn’t considered here, when it really should have been.

Upon this false realization, he is willing to ignore Yashiro’s protests for the purpose of getting him to realize what it is he desires. He’s forcing him to admit his feelings for him, so that he can accept love. He isn’t wrong that Yashiro is in love with him and has trouble accepting Doumeki’s love and realizing his own feelings of love, but that doesn’t mean he can choose when Yashiro should accept these feelings. That is Yashiro’s choice to make.

My thoughts are the same as yours here:

there's the well-meaning read on this of course, about how doumeki simply wants to protect yashiro from "other men", make sure he doesn't seek them out by satisfying his, as always assumed, needs. and sure, i won't deny that protectiveness is part of it. i don't think it amounts to much, though. this isn't how you help someone you love. nanahara compared yashiro having sex with men to smoking, and he's right. here's the thing: forcibly taking away someone's cigarettes (or "cigarettes", you know), disregarding their personal autonomy, shaming them for their habit and making them feel like shit without addressing the underlying issues doesn't really accomplish much. yashiro starts smoking immediately after doumeki leaves in ch 57, and seeks out inami and kido "despite" his needs supposedly being satisfied for a reason after all

I also read his actions as him partly trying to protect Yashiro from other men by satisfying his sexual desires, but I don’t condone this at all. You can’t sexually abuse someone you love because you think others will. And yes it is very telling how even though Doumeki is there to take away his “cigarettes,” Yashiro still “smokes.” Even though Yashiro’s body seems to enjoy all their sexual encounters, his mind knows there’s something wrong. He knows he doesn’t want sex with Doumeki in these instances, and Doumeki should have respected that.

It’s important to point out how rape victims can still have their bodies “enjoy” the sex, but they really don’t.

We saw this theme at the very start of the story in volume 2… It’s when Yashiro gets raped by his stepfather. His body enjoyed it, but we clearly know it is NOT what he wanted. There was both blood and cum depicted in those panels for a reason… And these contradictory feelings—the crux of Yashiro’s character—cause rape victims to feel worthless and guilty when it was NEVER their fault. This is EXACTLY what Yashiro was feeling at the end of ch. 57. Doumeki needs to realize this…

What makes his actions so messy and you can argue morally gray is that there has been progress, in terms of getting Yashiro to realize things about himself. But I don’t condone his actions and argue Yashiro could definitely have realized these things without the sex. I’m sure that even if Doumeki didn’t make love with Yashiro the first time, Yashiro could still realize and eventually accept that he wanted gentle affection through non-sexual acts. In fact, he was starting to, with liking and eventually loving Doumeki when he was impotent in the first place. Yashiro is perfectly capable of realizing his true wants and needs. To think that he isn’t, is a huge flaw. To think that rape victims can’t figure out what they really want by themselves makes you infantilize them, ignore their voice, and grossly disregard their autonomy. But because Doumeki escalated to sex that first time, and now his discovery of Yashiro’s impotence with others proves to him that he did something that changed Yashiro, he keeps using this same method… believing it will cause him to change again.

This could also explain why he asks about when Yashiro became impotent in ch. 56. He wants to see if Yashiro’s impotence with other men was his doing, so he can prove that he means something to Yashiro and that his current method of using sex has caused Yashiro to change, so that his actions weren’t worthless and he can absolve his own guilt.

most of his actions after the time skip revolve not around trying to understand yashiro, but rather trying to get him to say or admit what doumeki has already assumed

Again, I agree. It’s as you said, Doumeki is self-centered and thinks he knows best, and I’ll address this flaw in my answer to the last and imo most important question.

3.) Why hasn’t Doumeki questioned the morality of his actions?

Surely his actions should remind him of his father in some fucked up way? And surely this would mean that he should realize that and stop treating Yashiro so horribly?

I believe his persistence with the way he currently treats Yashiro stems from, besides the reasons said above, this false belief that he has yet to properly confront: that it wasn’t his fault for Yashiro to consider the time they made love as rape, it was Yashiro’s fault because of his trauma. What he fails to understand is that he actually did rape Yashiro, and it was his fault.

This false belief stems from how he wants to absolve himself of guilt.

he struggles to understand other people's feelings, and sometimes doesn't seem to even consider them in the first place

Yes, it seems this character flaw has been evident ever since we first saw it with Aoi. Because he is self-centered, he can’t understand the feelings of others nor consider them, and he feels guilty when that lack of understanding results in those he loves getting hurt. He then blames himself. It’s an uncomfortably realistic flaw… It’s too hard for him to accept being the one at fault. What’s most important is how he tries to deflect this guilt from himself. With Aoi, he couldn’t understand her crush on him and ignored her, and when he found out what his father was doing, he blamed himself for ignoring her all those years and became impotent. As a result, he vowed to never be like his father to absolve his guilt. This way of absolving his guilt plays directly into how he views and treats Yashiro now.

With Yashiro, he wanted to express his love to him by having sex, but Yashiro never consented to it and was traumatized by both the non consensual aspect and the realization that he never liked cruel treatment to begin with. It broke Yashiro, and Doumeki felt horribly guilty for that. But Doumeki only considers the latter aspect and not the first. The first is too hard to accept for him. It would mean he is like his father, that all his efforts to prevent becoming like his father were for naught, that he is trash who’s barely worth living. But…

…after ch 25, after the damage is already done, but there is still hope for the answer to "am i like my father?" to be "no" (i hope i don't need to say what that question actually stands for, what doumeki actually asks in ch 32, and why it matters that yashiro takes note of it but doesn't answer one way or another).

You refer to this part of ch. 32?

I see what you mean, with not wanting to point out the question. Yes, what Doumeki implicitly asks here is the uncomfortable question, the question both of them already know the answer to. It’s the ugly truth.

“Did I rape you?”

“Yes.”

But Yashiro didn’t answer.

Both of them are willingly denying something here, and these are both of the things I believe they must accept in the end. They must accept these facts in order to truly heal and, if Yashiro wishes, develop a stable romantic relationship between them. Doumeki must come to terms with the fact that he is like his father in that way, and Yashiro must come to terms with the fact that he is a victim.

Even after these dark realizations that they can’t yet accept, this scene occurs…

They just can’t help but want the other.

God. They’re so fucked up…

———————————————————————————

In the end, I reallyyyyyy hope we see this side of Doumeki again. I really want him to wholeheartedly apologize in the end and make up for the wrong things he did. I really want him to forgive himself enough to start properly loving Yashiro. And when Doumeki accepts this, I want Yashiro to slap the shit out of him.

*When I refer to the time they made love, I mean chapter 24/25. I use this term rather than “have sex” because it was emotionally deeper than the more clinical approach Doumeki is taking now. This article explains why I chose the term “make love” and makes the distinction between making love and having sex, while also acknowledging the two terms’ changing connotations. I used the phrase “make love” to simplify the term “emotionally connected sex” and apply the positive connotation, without disregarding the non consensual aspect of the moment.

[oglyndwr]

I have so many head canons and a dormant tumblr account let’s fix that

What I think the raven boys would major in in university also I go to the uni that Maggie Stiefvater went to so that means I’m right duh (warning I acknowledge canon but also do with it as I please. This is not by choice it just happens in my brain.):

Gansey: Two possibilities here,, I mean… History is one of the obvious ones but I think he’d do Historic Preservation then work in museum curation. This is if he follows his own whims. More likely he’d follow after his dad but he would absolutely not be doing poli sci I see that everywhere it’s wrong everyone knows they make no money and if he’s following his dad then he’d listen to his dad who would be saying no absolutely not poli sci majors are liberals. He’d be doing pre-law then go into politics. Probably go to law school also. Honestly he’s smart enough to ace law school while also doing his nerd glyndower shit ‘on the side’ so I lean more pre law. Sometimes.

Adam: honestly I think it depends where he goes. Definitely Ivy duh (although let’s be so fr even with a scholarship realistically he would never be able to afford that… fantasy to the max American higher education is fucked up). He’d do something conventionally difficult and lucrative because duh, and he’d choose whichever one of those programs the college he chooses is known for. I can see him doing pre law with gansey, biomed, applied math, or Econ. I despise Econ myself but surprisingly find myself imaging him in that program more so than the others (except maybe pre law with gansey) because of his history with money; I think it would make sense that he’d go into that field since he’s been financially conscious from such a young age. Plus it might make him feel like he has more control over his own financial situation (trauma symptom or trauma coping? Who knows)

Ronan: pretty sure Ronan canonically does not go to college. For these purposes I throw this fact to the wind. Obvious choice might be agricultural science but I also throw that in an incinerator this time. Ronan would feel like he learned everything there is to know about farming from Niall and refuse to listen to his professors if they say anything contradictory to what Niall’s taught him (but really he just doesn’t want to taint Niall’s memory. Bittersweet so Ronan). On the test he’d circle the answer the professor is looking for then write in “wrong.” With a lengthy description of some Blackwood method his dad taught him (that probably actually is more environmentally conscious and efficient) with every other word being an insult to the professor or profanities. Also if this is a world where his magic is still valid… absolutely no way he’s majoring in a hard science he doesn’t need it he has fucking magic. He can dream a forest he can dream a harvest he doesn’t need to know slash and burn or whatever the fuck. Other obvious choice would be classics or Latin (is Latin even a major?) and like… yeah but too duh to be interesting to me. There are a few options I like to entertain. I feel like when his parents were alive they all played trad Irish instruments/music together, and Ronan might major in music performance. This seems most realistic to me because he wouldn’t have to study all that much and since it correlates with his love for Niall he’d be less likely to refuse to practice/study/go to class out of spite if a professor pissed him off (which I feel like he’d do in any other discipline). I also think he’d have started really young so he might not even have to practice that much, but he’d still practice a lot bc like I said, his love for Niall would be translated into his love for the instrument. As for the instrument itself, I’d like to say Irish bagpipes but secretly I imagine it’s fiddle (def ooc tho). I also think he’d be well versed in all of the instruments like at least know the notes even if he would need sheets (I imagine he’d be able to play virtually anything by ear on his primary instrument) like Concertina, accordion, whistle (god imagine squash song on a fucking tin whistle… he’d do that bit so much and it would be 100x more insufferable), maybe flute, DEF spoons but mostly for bits, etc. I think he’d also learn banjo but he’d play more folksy Appalachian music on that. Another major might be civil/environmental engineering or some other applied science but like.. I just do not see him caring about learning the foundational stuff,, especially in a classroom setting. He’d want to know the stuff you need to know to do the actual work and none of the other foundational math, theory, conceptual shit. He’d fail the physics pre req because he wouldn’t open a textbook with a gun to his head and wouldn’t be able to recite the fundamental theorem of calculus. He’d probably even know it or at least how to apply it practically, he just wouldn’t have it memorized in those terms yk?? Anyway, final decision music performance.

Blue: I also don’t think blue went to college in canon and this makes sense to me. However, let’s say she did. I’m not very concrete in these headcanons but I’m thinking studio art, fashion design, or maybe poetry/creative writing as my primary inclinations. Secondary: sociology? I think she’d be into that and have a lot to say in those classes. She cares a lot. Maybe gender/sexuality studies but I just personally don’t like that one so even though I see it in her I choose not to acknowledge or engage. I can see journalism, she’s got a quick tongue and is very passionate about social issues buuuut I think she might be too adversarial to do interviews. Like as soon as the person she’s interviewing or whatever says something she doesn’t agree with she wouldn’t be able to wait to write the scathing piece she’d just flame them right then and there boom interview over not enough content for an article. Also maybe environmental science (I can see her doing research in this field like knee deep in a river collecting samples to measure turbidity or some shit but it’s so interdisciplinary I don’t think she’d major in it.. but also I can see her being vegan and like one of those crazy British climate activists DISCLAIMER I’m absolutely not hating on this in fact I am an environmental science/physics double major who is also a vegan knee deep in rivers doing research on mineral accumulation in VA lmfao). I can sooooort of see her doing poli sci but also like no absolutely not she’s too anarchistic like she’d be fucking the system left and right then get kicked out or something (but also most poli sci majors I know are extreme leftists in the way I imagine she’d be… so…) Overall I think studio art or fashion design would be her thing and she’d also be a cool ass barista on campus that everyone is in love with

Noah: yeah yeah he’s dead but not in my heart he’s not. He’d be alive and doing aerospace engineering. Yes I know your eyes just bulged out of your head but hear me out. He’s so precious I feel like he was a dinosaur kid but like the kind where literally everything about his life was dinosaurs his pjs his books his room his birthday parties like you know the type. Then when he grew out of that at like 5 or 6 he became a space/planes kid. He’d make models of planes and there would be a bunch hanging from strings on his ceiling with a model of the solar system in the corner. He would never have grown out of this. In elementary and middle school he’d be in the gifted program and from my experience in the VA public school gifted program we did soooo many building projects that in hindsight were just fun engineering challenges for kids. I also headcanon him being good with numbers but don’t have an explanation for this.. maybe it’s because his first sentence had a number in it. Maybe I’m thinking of how he has to calculate dates or something? Whatever anyway he’d be the first kind in third grade to master their multiplication tables and teachers would love him because even though he’s hyperactive (ALIVE AND HYPERACTIVE THANK YOU) all of his special interests are sciencey and maybe he’s not paying attention to the class material but he’s explaining something he read in an astrophysics book to his seatmate so they wouldn’t be mad (this is me projecting because I was hyperactive but I would explain the entire plot of warrior cats to my seatmates and neither the teachers nor my classemates appreciated that ever… didn’t matter if I was first at multiplication warrior cats freak was immediate social isolation so I choose to live vicariously through my own fictional Noah czerny thank you very much). At Monmouth he’d make rockets and Ronan would paint them crudely and they’d fuck around launching them in fields coming up with dumb experiments and betting on them. Ronan would sometimes cheat by dreaming ones that don’t obey the laws of physics and Noah would secretly inspect them for hours in his room later trying to figure it out (but Ronan would only do this very rarely so Noah wouldn’t catch on). Then he’d go to college and obviously do aerospace engineering AND he’d excel because he already knows all there is to know about aerodynamics, propulsion, and flight mechanics. I am so sure of this I don’t even have alternate hypotheses. Also super random but I headcanon that Noah is Jewish and he him and Ronan lovingly rib a lot about catholic jew shit (guys as im writing this im realizing that I just want to be my fictional version of Noah someone be my sassy catholic Irish emo bestie please)

Ok that’s all thanks for listening

[waywardstation]

WIP FRIDAY

I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.

BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!

I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.

The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.

Enjoy!!

—————

“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”

“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.

“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”

Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.

Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”

Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.

“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”

“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.

“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.

Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.

“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.

It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.

“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”

The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.

“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.

[confusedgayscreeching]

Hi! It’s been a while lol- I’m gonna try to get back to posting semi-regularly but I make no promises! I am currently feeling very frustrated about the arguments about Stolitz I’m seeing verywhere and I need to rant so here we are!

Okay so one thing I think a lot of people trip up with in analyzing this relationship is comparing them in the way of “who is worse.” To me that’s weird and not a realistic or productive way to talk about out this. They both suck in their own ways and it makes more sense to analyze how they effect each other and themselves rather than arguing over something so subjective, especially since even if we were able to come to a conclusion as a fandom about who is worse (which again is not possible to do objectively) it wouldn’t do anything or move the conversation forward at all.

Blame shifting and villainizing characters because you relate to one more or understand one more might make you feel good but it doesn’t actually contribute to the conversation. They both do fucked up things at different points and they both suck sometimes, but to me it makes more sense and is more interesting to look at how they both effect each other and their psychology, especially because trying to assign morality to any actions in a show like this is redundant and misses the point- looking at it from an outside lens and saying “x is bad so they are bad” doesn’t mean anything within the context of the show or the relationship and it never has.

I know a lot of us love these characters and/or relate heavily to them but starting arguments online because someone suggests your poor little meow meow possibly isn’t perfect is genuinely just dumb and doesn’t move the conversation forward at all, nor does it help us resolve or continue the conversation in a satisfying way.

This show and these characters are fucked up. They’re meant to be fucked up. They do awful things that can’t be justified and that’s just the point. When you make it a competition it doesn’t do anything for anyone and all you end up doing is invalidating other people’s feelings and opinions whether you mean to or not.

We all need to try to be more neutral and just acknowledge why each character might feel a certain way without feeling the need to justify that feeling or make them a martyr. Just like with people in real life a character’s emotions are just their emotions, they don’t need to be justified or have an arguable reason for feeling that way, feelings are valid no matter what, and what matters is how they handle those feelings.

Idk about anyone else but one of the reasons I fell in love with Hazbin hotel and helliva boss is because they’re all awful and irredeemable but they’re still sentient beings who are written in a way that shows they still deserve empathy and love, the show isn’t trying to force these characters to justify their existence by being good and that’s beautiful because the idea that human decency is conditional is far too prevalent.

Idk this will probably seem preachy and long winded but it just feels silly and disingenuous to try to talk about right/wrong with these characters or this show in general, especially considering that it ignores the more emotional inner reasons for why these characters act the way they do, which is so much more interesting to explore.

[elysias-realm]

haaaaaai elysia ໒꒰ྀི ^ ⸝⸝ ^ ꒱ྀིა hope ur day / night has been lovely 2 u <3 🌼 , 🌸 & 🪷 for the ask game !!

hi hiii !! ty for the ask（＾∇＾）my day has been pretty good so far, i think my sickness is finally starting to go away so thats a huge win for me lolol. hope your days been great too !!（＾_＾）

will be answering for my jjk dr and whichever s/o comes to mind (๑>◡<๑) (spoiler alert, i did all three for all three…) this unexpectedly got super long so sorry it took a while to respond. this was super fun i loved the opportunity to ramble about my favourite idiots ♡

OKAY FIRST OF ALL here’s a quick relationship chart so you know whos dating who. its not super necessary but i feel like the visual reminder might help some of my tangents make sense. i rarely draw them so i havent perfected translating how they look yet but its good enough i think

ANYWAY onto the questions <3

🌼 : BEAUTIFUL BLOSSOM . . . what do you find most beautiful about your significant other(s)? what about that aspect of them is so beautiful to you? and in turn what do they believe the most beautiful thing about you is? why do they think that way?

head in hands trying to think about how to answer this without sounding ridiculously sappy and down bad (im going to fail) im also going to have to kill the part of me that cringes and the evil voice inside my head saying it’s egotistical to acknowledge my partners are equally down bad. anyway here we go

first of all the thing about suguru is that hes the loverboy ever i think if he was asked to only name one thing he found beautiful about me he would explode and die from indecisiveness. he’s mentally waxing poetics about me whenever he sees me and thinking about me every time he can vaguely assign whatever song he’s listening to me. i’m not sure what he’d find the most beautiful about me. the first thing he noticed would’ve probably been my eyes, they might be my most striking feature actually, but i think it wasn’t just the colours of them that stood out to him but how expressive they were. if i didn’t feel like i needed to hide my feelings and put on a mask then i wouldnt and the authenticity and the way i wore my heart on my sleeve, especially when we first met, was definitely a huge factor in what initially charmed him.

though now i think about it… he thinks i’m most beautiful when i’m passionate about something. when there’s a spark in my eyes and i’m clearly excited as i ramble about anything and everything that’s caught my interest, if it’s a new manga i like or something to do with my endless hobbies. he’s just woefully endeared and part of him thinks that he could listen to me talk for an eternity and wouldn’t have any real complaints. realistically after hours of me talking at him he’d end up kissing me to shut me up, but he’s also a romantic at heart and thinks “would let me talk his ear off until the sun explodes” sounds more romantic so he’ll mentally stick with that initial response

as for what i think is most beautiful about him… i’m going to have to be corny for a second and say his smile, but specifically his genuine one. don’t get me wrong, all of his expressions are beautiful and even when he’s trying to win the ‘best at masking’ competition he’s pretty, but i love when he’s genuinely happy and showing off one of his real smiles instead of the one he slaps on just to be polite. i also love his laugh, and i think he’s realised a long time ago that i’ve made it my personal mission to get as many genuine smiles and laughs out of him as humanly possible. he’s just so prettyyy i can’t help it i love seeing him happy

i also love his hair, but specifically when it’s down. it’s not that i dislike it when it’s tied up, but i have a certain fondness for it when he doesn’t bother with that and it’s made obvious how long it is and how he takes such good care of it

for satoru… i hate to go on a tangent about how pretty he is but he is so pretty. like annoyingly pretty and he knows it and the confidence makes it so much more annoyingly attractive i HATE him (<- i say, like a liar) anyway the most obvious answer would probably be his eyes, they’re absolutely gorgeous in a way i can’t quite describe and it’s almost like they’re kaleidoscopes of blue but more than his eyes i think the stupid cocky and amused expression whenever he notices me staring is prettier. it shouldnt be i should find it annoying but i love that cocky grin of his and even more than that i love the smaller and softer pleased smile he gets when hes caught off guard by whatever sappy shit came out of my own mouth. truthfully i think he’s most beautiful in the softer moments, when he has his head in my lap and i can’t help but be reminded of a cat when he gets such a pleased expression on his face while i play with his ridiculously soft hair. he’s pretty all the time, but i think he’s most beautiful during the domestic moments where he gets to ignore the weight of being gojo for a little while and just be satoru.

as for when he finds me most beautiful, it’s honestly probably in the midst of battle. there’s something about the way i almost lose myself in the thrill of a fight that he just finds captivating. if asked, he’d probably just shrug and say it’s hot, even if it leads to an annoyed scolding and pinch on the cheek, but truthfully he finds the display of strength oddly comforting. sometimes it feels like he clings onto me and suguru being his equals like a lifeline, and i think he likes the reminder that being the strongest doesn’t mean being lonely, and there’s still people who can keep up with him.

i think another thing he loves is my kindness. soft smiles and words of reassurance, the way people are just drawn to me. he himself is a kind person and i’ll argue that he is until the day i die but there’s a sense of clumsiness to it, the way his words aren’t sugarcoated and come across a bit too harsh and blunt. early on he came across as rude more often than not, because even if he was well-meaning there wasn’t always enough care to fully display it, and even when the care was there he didn’t exactly know the best way to show it, having never needed to filter his words before, and having never really wanted to either. overtime he’s definitely softened around the edges, and truthfully i’ve always admired the way he doesn’t beat around the bush, but in the same way i admire his blunt attitude he’s always admired the ease of which i can comfort others with my presence and the way kind words with soft tones just comes naturally to me.

shoko shoko shoko… where do i even start with her ? her eyes remind me of honey when the sun hits them just right, and i can’t count how many times i’ve been in awe of the fact that i’m the model between the two of us. she’s witty, and she never fails to make me laugh with her dry sense of humour and sarcastic comments. whenever satoru and suguru get a bit too caught up in their own little world she’s a steady presence by my side who’s always willing to make playful jabs at them, uncaring if satoru acts all dramatic and scandalised when he overhears. i love her laugh and how pleased she looks whenever she (quite easily) gets a laugh out of me and i love the glint in her eyes she gets when she goes mad doctor mode while elbow deep in the guts of whatever curse i brought back for her to pick apart and dissect.

she’s confident and has this air of self assuredness that comes from nonchalance rather than ego and i find it stupidly attractive.

as for what she finds most beautiful… shes the type who is trying to hard to be a Chill Girl and win the idgaf war but she fails miserably when it comes to me she is just woefully endeared. from what ive noticed she likes me most when im doing anything she deems cute. she loves when im clingy and visit her in the infirmary whenever i get a chance, and how yaga’s made a habit of giving me and the guys spontaneous training sessions whenever she has to be whisked away to give some reckless sorcerer emergency healing because otherwise ill ignore the equations on the board to complain about how much i miss her and giving me an opportunity to beat something up and get beaten up in return is always the best distraction.

her nonchalant demeanour broke with the flustered expression she got when she heard about that for the first time, and it still makes her heart warm whenever she’s reminded of it and how happy i looked when she came back and mentioned how she was looking for us (or more specifically me, she’d joked it was nice to get away from satoru and suguru for a while and it almost diverged into bickering if it wasn’t for me distracting them by pointing out that i wasn’t included in the list of people she wants to get away from, a fact i was very proud of and a fact satoru and suguru had endless fun teasing her about). she loves how physically affectionate i am and how pleased i always look whenever she indulges and throws an arm around me in return

and ive noticed the habit of mine that always made her heart skip a beat was during her smoker era (because she does eventually quit) and how despite knowing she could always heal herself afterwards, and how really between the two of us im more reckless with my health considering how quick i am to throw myself in front of a curse, i’d always scold her telling her to look after herself more and give her a teasing grin as i’d swap her cigarette out for a lollipop. she just loved the little prideful smile i’d have on my face when she’d cave in and put the cigarette away and while she doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, and she would go as far as to say i’m the only sweet thing she even likes, she’s too enamoured by my efforts to find the perfect flavour for her to not at least try as they get progressively more obscure every time.

prideful little grins and how pleased with myself i look when i get my way, and how my face lights up whenever i see her are probably her favourites out of the expressions i have, and part of her thinks she’d indulge my stupid whims for the rest of our lives if only so i could keep smiling at her like that

🌸 : COMPASSIONATE CHERRY BLOSSOM . . . has your significant other(s) gotten you anything that has become really meaningful to you? have you gotten them something that has become really meaningful to them? when was the gift(s) given? what is the story behind them? have you scripted it as an object you have in your current reality so you feel more connected to them?

hmmm gift giving isn’t really our main love language so there isn’t much that particularly sticks out but ill try mention the first that come to mind. suguru gave me some of his pokemon cards when we were little, and when we were a bit older he won me some cute plushies at an arcade so those were cute and have always had a special place in my heart even before i realised why i was so attached. im not sure if anything ive given him sticks out but back to the pokemon cards i did give him some of mine in exchange and i know he still holds onto those. most of the gifts given between us are sweets and desserts he gets on his way back from missions so its hard to think of actual items

as for satoru, the first meaningful gift that comes to mind is the digimon card packs i got for him the first birthday he had since meeting me. he’d gotten really into digimon before i met him and i noticed him eyeing my pokemon card collection but i also knew he was a HATER bc we always bicker over which series is better (suguru’s the go-to middleman bc he likes the whole monster collecting genre in general. he sides with me more though so i think he has a favourite and i dont mean me) anyway as much as it pained me on principle i decided to buy him a couple of card packs and a binder so he could start a collection, and used a lottt of luck to make sure he’d be happy with the ones he got lol.

truthfully i hadn’t even put all that much thought into that specific gift, i’d been angsting over what to get him and ended up buying them on a whim because i was reminded of him eyeing my card collection when i came across a few packs in a store and when it was time to actually give it to him i was lowkey (highkey) nervous he’d think it was lame or smth idk or like it wouldnt be meaningful enough, which is funny because he liked it a lot and was quick to be a major nerd about it. despite collecting for different series it started a tradition of us buying cards together which is fun, he came to really enjoy the process of hoping for whatever card he wanted, and eventually going online to buy the stubborn rare ones he had an eye on

for gifts he gave me, technically there’s a lot because once we got into a committed relationship he started to insist on me using his card when i go shopping, but as for meaningful there’s a couple rings he had custom made for me that are so so pretty. like absolutely gorgeous and so thoughtful ?? like you can just tell how much thought went into them and how he made sure it fits with the kind i like to wear and personally like.

aaand finally shoko !! i know shes gifted me some cute stuff over the years but i can’t think of any right now </3 other than snacks i like whenever she goes shopping… as for what ive given her, i love love love to bring various trinkets and knickknacks back for her whenever i go on missions, esp longer ones. idk i like to remind her that im thinking about her while shes stuck in the morgue. she treasures all of them buuut i think the gift she finds the most meaningful was a custom hand-made knife i made for her. she’s not a combatant and there’s theoretically no need for her to have a weapon but i wanted to make sure that if it came to it she had something to defend herself with. usually its on display, bc not to toot my own horn but its gorgeous, but she’s pretty skilled at using it if she needs to and likes to have it on her

i haven’t really bothered to script in anything from my cr like that. it’s definitely a super cute idea and i love when people do that but i’ve never really felt compelled to personally do it. i can’t really think of anything i own that i’d actively want them to give me and i don’t really need any more connection enough to go out of my way to find something

🪷 : LOVELY LOTUS . . . do you and your significant other(s) do any "cheesy" stuff? like having matching pajamas, matching halloween costumes, and picnic dates? or building the flower legos, cooking together, baking together?

do we… i wouldn’t call it tradition per say, but we’re always down for matching halloween costumes when the perfect idea comes to mind, whether its a duo costume between two of us or a full group costume between all four. matching trinkets are another one, we have phone charms, keychains, bracelets etc, some bought and some won at arcades. we don’t always display these, some are tucked away along with other miscellaneous memorable items, but the knowledge that it’s there and treasured is enough

for other cheesy things… i’ve definitely persuaded them into matching profile pictures on our social media accounts at some point and they’ve always been indulgent of my silly whims like that, even if they will half heartedly complain and tease me over it. we don’t go out of our way to get matching pjs, maybe if satoru finds a pair thats funny he’ll nag me or suguru into matching with him but i wouldnt really call it a tradition, instead i’ve stolen half their wardrobes and will shamelessly wear their shirts to bed because its COMFY dammit

me and suguru cook together on occasion, but it’s usually left as a solo job, and while i suppose satoru begging to be a taste tester whenever im in the mood to bake could count if you squint a bit, ‘baking together’ is actually more of a friendship thing i share with nanami, we found it’s a useful way of keeping the early-life crisis away

another thing is that satoru loves games, video games unsurprisingly but also board games, and i grew up in a family that had board games as our number one family reunion activity and with a mother who needed some way of keeping me entertained during long road trips so the two of us were very quick to drag suguru and shoko (and sometimes our extended friend group, but oftentimes its just a way of spending time as the four of us) into game nights. sometimes it’s pulling out the wii and getting stupidly competitive over mario kart or wii sports, and sometimes it’s playing board games where we argue over the rules because satoru only knows the rules that are written down, suguru’s family has modified theirs a bit, my own family has changed and modified the rules in such an elaborate way over the generations that the game i grew up playing is drastically different from the one that comes out the box, and shoko thinks its funny if she can get away with cheating

OH and im not sure if this counts as cheesy but i’m including it anyway. during shoko’s smoker era suguru would sometimes accompany her to smoke and me and satoru don’t smoke ever bc we just don’t really enjoy it but what we hate more than cigarette smoke is being left out so it became a habit for me to carry around a box of pocky so we could tag along and snack on something while we wait for them. another thing is after realising we both have a sweet tooth, unlike suguru and shoko bc they’re LAME, me and satoru made it a tradition to check out various desserts places and sweet shops. originally it was just because nobody else was interested in going but it became a habit to make a day out of it and gossip, we are always the first to know each other’s family drama because of it

okay that got ridiculously long but whatever ive needed an excuse to ramble about them lol. thank u to whoevers decided to sit through my lovesick rambling ur a real one and here’s a link to the original ask game

[phantom-of-the-keurig]

“It’s problematic to think the clones who were isolated on an actual water planet with no outside contact and trained with the intention to be military assets wouldn’t have a complete and total understanding of sex how dare you assume th-”

Baby if you didn’t grow up in the abstinence only hell scape that is the Bible Belt you can just say that 😮‍💨

If your public high school sex ed and health class didn’t include a single module about anatomy or health but mostly involved a local preacher stopping by to warn you of the dangers of carnal relations and your senior year class of less than 150 students had 10 teen pregnancies alone and STDS ran rampant because no one knew how to fuck safely-

Of all the nonsense in Star Wars, from music called Jizz to Droopy McCool releasing a vanilla scent, the clones not knowing how to fuck, who they want to fuck, or even what it really means to fuck, is probably one of the most realistic takes in canon. Does that make you uncomfortable? Good! It should! Because that’s the entire point!!! It’s really shitty that this entire population of sentients were never considered human enough to be taught basic shit that civilians learn, because they were not viewed as people they were republic military property oh my god how smooth brained are you??

I get it, fanon can be goofy. But there’s this awfully suspicious correlation between y’all that hate the fandom at large and pee at the slightest thing yet refuse to acknowledge the uncomfortable and sad realities of clones and their military + isolated upbringing and the implications of what that would mean for them when tossed out into the galaxy

[forgottenfourr]

i saw you in a dream - university smau

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chapter eleven - not off the hook

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word count: 656

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a/n: tbh i have been awake for 43 hours so this shit has not been proof read. so if it doesn't make any sense i will fix it once i wake up from my slumber.

it has come to my attention that a lot of you probably think i am female. i am not. i am male. gay man. homosexual. blue green pride flag. trans flag too. my pronouns are he/xe and i’m a dude :)

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jeongin’s pov:

being emotionally vulnerable is something he never lets himself be. it doesn’t matter if it’s with his family or a professional therapist. he doesn’t do it. so now that he’s come to a head with felix, his best friend, he feels like he is going to bust at the seams at the thought of explaining everything to him.

though felix is a complete and utter asshole for what he did, jeongin feels like he is partly to blame. in felix’s eyes, his behavior the other day wasn’t much different from how he and his friends usually act. jeongin is sure that if felix truly did know just how serious the situation was, he wouldn’t have spilled it to everyone and furthermore breaking jeongin’s trust.

he could feel his breath hitch in his throat as he heard the front door of his apartment click open. his freckled blue hair friend weakly making his way through the door, his usual sunshine demeanor clouded and dazed. even though he tried his best to hide it, guilt and sadness was evident on felix’s face, pinging jeongin in the heart.

one thing felix isn’t is, and never will be, is a bad person. that is something jeongin is 100% sure of. there is not a single bad bone or intention in his body. not even if he tried. jeongin always admired that about him.

that’s why it is almost impossible to stay mad at him. there was no malice or hatred behind felix’s actions.

the air in the apartment was still and almost chilling. even on a warm day like today.

“hi” felix says, almost inaudible.

“hey lix,” there is a smile laced in jeongin’s tone. causing felix to turn to face him almost instantly. the familiar nickname making him feel once again comfortable in his own home.

there is a brief shared moment between them. a collective acknowledgment that things were going to be okay.

“aye-“ felix begins to call out, guilt straining through his voice. but his words became muffled in jeongin’s shoulder and he gets wrapped into a tight hug.

jeongin isn’t one for physical affection so the embrace is taken fully after felix’s initial shock.

felix breaks the hug.

“ayen i am so fucking sorry i didn’t realize how serious it was and i never met to hurt you.-“

“lix.” jeongin tries to cut his best friend off.

felix continues to ramble on. “if i knew i would’ve never said anything in the first place and-“

“FELIX.” jeongin calls out again, admittedly way louder than he was meaning.

felix stopped talking.

“i know you and i know you didn’t mean any harm.” jeongin says in a reassuring tone and felix finds himself releasing a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding in.

“you fucked up big time. but you’re aware of it.” he takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for the emotional vulnerability he knew had to come. “but i don’t blame you for it. well i do. but you didn’t know anything other than what i let you know. and that wasn’t much. if i was in your shoes, i’m sure i wouldn’t have taken what i said seriously at all. because frankly, it sounds ridiculous.”

felix finds himself chuckling at jeongin’s words. “yeah, it’s not everyday your best friend tells you that he has strangely realistic dreams and simultaneously has fallen for the person who has been showing up in them.”

jeongin could feel the tips of his ears warm at felix’s statement. he really did sound insane.

“oh fuck off would you?” jeongin says in a teasing and fake annoyed tone. felix just gives him a deadpanned expression before breaking into a smile.

“for the record though,” jeongin adds on. “you’re not off the hook. you’re doing my apartment chores for the rest of the week.” felix groans in response, dramatically throwing himself on the couch.

it was impossible to stay upset with felix.

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[girl4music]

WayHaught’s intimacy/off-screen sex/make out/representation/whatever you want to call it scene.

Some WEARP fans that have watched and reviewed the special have said that the scene feels forced or a little too convenient. I know exactly what they mean by that. First of all - the direction of it is literally in your face. There’s no artistic nuance as far as the direction and framing of it goes. The soundstage is purposefully erotic. It’s meant to be what it’s meant to be. Sex. And the portrayal… well, it’s typical DomKat chemistry, for sure, but it doesn’t feel like it’s their choreography. It feels like this time - it was all the showrunner’s choice. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s just not what we’re used to as veterans in engaging with WEARP when it comes to the way DomKat themselves portray WayHaught’s physical intimacy. It usually looks and feels a lot more natural and improvised. This wasn’t so it didn’t feel as organic as I’m used to seeing it being.

It was still a realistic and authentic portrayal of WLW intimacy. It just didn’t look or feel like WayHaught’s specifically because it didn’t look or feel like DomKat. I mean I could be entirely wrong about that. Maybe this is just how both actors being settled into and fully embracing and comfortable with their queerness are. I’m just saying that it didn’t look or feel that way to me. However, what I did pick up to counteract that about the intimacy scene which was absolutely a return to form for WayHaught - that I always really love - was what caused it to happen in the scene itself. It was emotional intimacy and a useful and effective way to convey and develop on their narrative. It was, to me, a beautifully written acknowledgement and communication of both Waverly and Nicole’s feelings, desires, intentions, ambitions in that Waverly has just received acceptance and validation from Nicole that they could part ways for awhile in order for her to do what she wants to do in Egypt with Jeremy and in how Nicole confesses to her her tendency to delay or stifle Waverly’s potential because she doesn’t want to be without her and because her own personal desires and ambitions include and require Waverly to be around - to be home, with her as partners. I actually really like that this was how their physical intimacy came about. That it wasn’t just made into a scene for the sake of it even though Emily likely did think about that part first because she always makes representation a priority.

Also - as I mentioned in a previous post - I also really like how Waverly’s top came off but Nicole’s didn’t because I genuinely felt that was in respect to Kat being pregnant. Just as I feel it was also in respect to Kat being pregnant that that intimacy scene didn’t go on any longer than was necessary to convey the intention of the scene and so they wouldn’t be left in the awkward position of representing a full-on WLW sex scene because I have no idea how they could without making Kat feel extremely uncomfortable as much as the fans probably wanted and wished for it to happen in and at that moment. Emily thought of Kat.

And forgive me for being blatantly gay and a pervert, but I could not fucking take my eyes off Dom there so obviously, that was also a factor why I love the scene. But I mean, I was pretty much staring at Dom every time they were on screen throughout the entire thing. I cannot believe how much more visually attractive I find the character Waverly with a butch presentation. So yeah, that contributed a whole lot too. I won’t lie. I’m a red blooded queer woman. Fucking sue me 💁‍♀️

All in all though, I was satisfied with what we got for that scene given the 90-minute timeframe restriction and the fact that they had to hide or cover Kat’s belly. I do feel the choreography could have looked and felt more natural to DomKat’s chemistry but it’s no big deal. I’m happy I got a well-written scene regardless.

There’s certainly been much worse WLW representation of physical intimacy in TV art/entertainment. I think what we got was pretty good.

It’s just not what we’re used to getting. That’s all.

[trippinsorrows]

You do something that I feel like a lot of fic writers do which is acknowledge racism characters have to deal with.

Roman with his family in lyte is really good bc when I read about his struggles from both sides I thought that was really cool

Or in this ask ( https://www.tumblr.com/trippinsorrows/770611757088686080/i-like-that-you-described-wherever-they-live-as) I feel like most writers wouldn’t have thought to acknowledge that these kids although rich and powerful would still have to deal with racism. Probably less than most people bc of their parents but still it doesn’t shield them grom everything

It’s really refreshing

thank you so much! 🥺🥺🥺 i've experienced racial trauma both personally and professionally, and living in this world as a woman of color means i'm always naturally, sadly, going to have these fucked up experiences. thus, i want the characters who look like me to be shows as also having these experiences, even if heavy, they're real.

when i write, i like to immerse real world shit. i like to write realistic shit, even in an unrealistic mafia au fic like 'looking through your eyes.' racism is real. oppression is real. it exists in all universes. and people don't wanna talk about it, but i will. even in fics.

that's also why i love writing people who look like me for people who look like me. because we deserve to be seen and so do our experiences. ❤️

[amenemisa]

Aaah! Mushroomfields and their fictions! Their fictions always make me feel better and worse!

I drew this drawing one or two week ago after reading their fiction about reincarnation again. -and i will read it again... who loves pain? me?? nopeee(!)- Then I couldn't help but paint and here it is. Hmm I have to say that I actually drew this drawing entirely on their fiction, so they were totally my muse. But as a result, i played around with a thing or two myself, so at this point I can say that i went a little bit out of the original text they wrote. There was no such information about the outfit Fukuzawa was wearing but I like to see Fukuzawa like this. And Mori by Mushroomfields didn't get the job done with a single finger grip, hehe. Anyway! Long story short, my muse was definitely Mushroomfields and what I'm drawing here outlines the scene in their fiction, but what I'm drawing is far from the scene in that fiction. Ehm... thank you for listening to the turmoil in my mind, and I strongly suggest you read their fiction. I'll leave a short excerpt here for you~

<Fukuzawa stood in utter boredom amongst the crowd of dressed up guests filling the ballroom, filled with too many enemy organisations that Fukuzawa was throughly sick conversing to as though they wouldn’t all pull a gun on one another the moment this night of a truce was over. It felt fickle, something Fukuzawa didn’t like to indulge in when he was nothing if not a realist. Yet, there was one man amongst them all, one enemy somewhere in the crowd that Fukuzawa would be more than happy to indulge. It showed.

When finally Mori had come to rescue him from his circle of small talk. The younger man passed Fukuzawa’s conversing circle, his body coming close enough for their shoulder’s to brush, and his eyes didn’t dare look to Fukuzawa, the two not even giving away a hint of acknowledgment to the other as Mori ghosted by. But, hidden from view of any possible prying eyes, Fukuzawa felt Mori’s pointer finger touch his palm hanging by his side, the other tracing a slow line from Fukuzawa’s pinkie all the way up to his wrist, teasingly tempting in the way Mori knew Fukuzawa would follow.

Mori continued walking by until Fukuzawa watched from the corner of his eye as the younger left outside the large door’s of the ballroom, before he cleared his throat. The circle stopped idly talking for a moment to direct their attention to Fukuzawa as he nodded once to them all, gracefully placing his half drunken Champaign glass on a waiter’s tray passing by.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Fukuzawa regarded, before turning on his heel and swiftly locating his way through the crowd until he reached the ballroom’s doors. Just like that, in one simple touch he was chasing after Mori like two opposite ends of a magnet compelled towards each other.>

And yes I'll probably be on the exam when this is posted on my tumblr, wish me luck~

[amyyythestarry]

Who do you think gave Amane his bruises?

Y’know I’ve been pondering on this for so long. Like I just don’t know really, I have my small little theory so I’ll share it.

I have no idea what was up with his parents during his middle school days ( Last middle school days ), I’ve heard theories that maybe Amane’s parents were absent, and I can see why they think that. He was probably one of those quiet kids that nobody payed much attention to so I don’t think he was bullied.

AND TSUKASA, ever since that ‘Tsukasa SA’s Amane’ theory went viral I just deny any theories saying Tsukasa maybe hurt Amane. I’m traumatized ok 😭.

BUT, I’m trying to be realistic here and say that, maybe, just maybe Tsukasa did cause the injuries. But maybe not on only his account.

When speaking of his ‘abuser’ Amane was really forgiving about the situation, he said that he didn’t care and that he’d put aside all of the violence.

I don’t think he would have said this about anyone else for hurting him. It has to be someone he’s close to, someone he cares about, loves, and cherishes. And I’m pretty sure the only person he feels that way about back then was his only sibling.

But it’s also confusing to think that it would be Tsukasa because of how he acts around Amane. He doesn’t act violent or anything. Tsukasa can be violent though, like with Mitsuba, or apparitions and whoever poses as a threat I guess, but he’s never been even a little bit violent with Amane.

This is just a way that Tsukasa shows affection. He wanted Amane to see the stars, and probably wasn’t aware that he was pinching Amane cheeks too hard.

He’s really cute like that y’know. I believe sometimes he can just innocently, accidentally, hurt someone by being intrigued curious and excited. He’s very non-self aware.

So using the term non-self aware is what I actually imagine him to be most times. Not knowing he’s doing bad things to people, probably until someone tells him he is. Like when Sakura told him to be gentler to girls seeing how he was with Nene the first time.

He looked a little absent there at first, didn’t he? Even while he was about to bash her head he was looking forward. When she stopped him from feeding Mitsuba he just sat there for a minute. Maybe not even acknowledging what he was doing? Just doing it. Like a reflex? Then stops what he’s doing, carries her like a gentleman, apologizes and puts her to sleep so she wouldn’t have to see him shove a bird heart down Mitsuba’s throat ( At least he listened to Sakura ).

I imagine he just came back to his senses when he realized he was about to hurt Nene. Like his brain told him “Hey dude, I need you to stop dissociating, you’re about to become really misogynistic if you don’t gain some self control” ( Lol ).

But yeah. Maybe that stuff happens to him on a daily basis, like he’s not fully aware and mentally there but he’s physically there.

If he was actually the one to cause harm to Amane when they were human, I could see that dissociating thing being the case.

ALSO, he has that wish granting supernatural in him! Like they’re one and everything, being present in the the same body.

I think that supernatural may also be the reason of the abusive Tsukasa back when he was alive ( If he was abusive to Amane ).

Maybe it was like that cartoon ghost possession rep where the character possessed by the ghost switches up every now and then because the ghost is apart of them too.

Him randomly dissociating, not feeling like he’s in his own body and accidentally hurting his twin brother, then coming back to his senses and realizing what he’s doing. I could see that.

Since Amane is his older brother, Amane forgives Tsukasa for the random outburst. Or maybe he notices something is wrong?

Whatever the case might be, I hope in this arc we can at least see more of the Yugi twins’ backstory, especially more of Tsukasa POV.