#or one that presumably can never do enough to push the possibility of death out of the picture

[spliqi]

healer higuchi theory is waking me up to all kinds of higusano possibilities. if she really was assigned to akutagawa because of his illness then that would mean it’s both of their jobs to heal people who are on the verge of death. hmm

[loversatthegreatdivide]

Heavy Lies the Heart - Chapter 2

Masterlist // Continue Reading

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x F!OC Word Count: 3.2k Tropes: mutual pining, fluff, angst with a happy ending, royalty Warnings: death Summary: When two second-borns looking for direction meet by chance, can they find purpose in each other? Or will circumstance keep them apart? A/N: I do not necessarily intent to update this everyday, but then again I won't complain about it when I'm motivated enough to make it happen. Also, just as a side note: My knowledge of the British aristocracy and the laws of inheritance in England at this particular time are shaky at best. Some things I will research because I feel like I can't leave it alone, but in this case I honestly do not care how historically accurate every single detail is. Again, Bridgerton is an AU, so I'll do what I want.

Benedict slumped down on the settee, arms crossed and his brow furrowed. He was all but lying down with how far he had sunk, and as he half-lay in his seat, his mind raced.

He was frustrated.

It had been days since the Danbury ball, and yet he was no closer to discovering the identity of the enchanting young woman he had met there. In these past few days, she had occupied more space in his mind than he was comfortable admitting. He needed to see her again--or at the very least learn her name.

He had been through every family he could possibly think of, but all had been dead ends. Not that he was familiar with every household in the ton, but certainly his mother had briefed him on many of the households with eligible debutantes. He thought surely one must be the home of his mystery woman.

Anthony strolled into the drawing room, an eyebrow lifting as he looked over at his brother.

"What's got you brooding so?" he asked, taking a seat next to Colin at the small, round table that had been laid out with confections. He took a jelly tart for himself as he eyed Benedict from his seat.

"I do not brood brother--you are the one that broods," Benedict corrected, wiggling himself further down the settee, "I am pouting at best."

"Then what has you pouting so, Benedict?" Colin chimed in, setting the book he had been reading aside.

Benedict thought for a moment about telling them. They were his brothers after all, and there was the possibility one of them may even have some insight into the young lady's identity.

He thought better of it almost as soon as the thought entered his mind.

There was the potential to gain valuable information yes, but the ribbing he would receive in return would be never-ending. And there was the risk of the information reaching his mother's ear. He shuttered to think what she would do if she believed he was actively seeking a wife--he saw how she was with Anthony last season.

He certainly didn't want anyone in his family to presume something so ludicrous as his desire to marry--he wasn't looking for a wife, he was only curious.

Yes, curiosity. That was all.

He decided it wasn't worth the trouble; not yet, at least. While he had no luck finding her again, at the very least he knew she was aware of him. There was a chance she may seek him out, however slim it may be. And it seemed very likely she would attend the next ball. A debutante newly introduced in society could hardly be kept from every dance and social engagement held throughout the season. Even if she herself had seemed less than taken with the last event, there was surely a pestering mama in the picture that was pushing her forward regardless.

So he would wait to speak of it with his family until he had no other options.

"I was just thinking longingly of the peace and quiet in the house while the two of you were away," he joked, his hands moving dramatically to press together, as if in prayer.

"Well now I know you're lying," Anthony smirked, "Since when did you enjoy peace and quiet?"

"It certainly sounds out of character," Colin agreed, "Perhaps he simply enjoyed having fewer people around to catch him leaving for his nightly excursions."

"Yes Colin, I think you're right," the eldest brother replied. Benedict scowled, finally sitting up straight as to address his brothers at eye-level.

"That is quite the accusation, dear brother. Care to defend it on the piste?" Benedict challenged.

Colin smirked, "Careful brother--I'm stronger than I used to be."

"Well then, perhaps after another trip abroad you may finally pose a challenge for me," Benedict quipped, "Shall you join as well Anthony? You wouldn't want to miss our younger brother's humiliating defeat."

"He has been rather big-headed since his return, it would be nice to watch his ego deflate," Anthony grinned over at Colin, "For his own sake as well as ours."

"Would the two of you like to back up your boasting, or shall we sit and discuss it for another hour?" Colin huffed. Anthony and Benedict exchanged knowing smiles.

"Very well then," Benedict said as he rose from his seat, "Shall we then?"

The three brothers exited the room, pushing each other lightly and laughing as they headed for the back garden.

---

Beatrice slumped forward in her chair, frowning as her unfocused gaze fell to the bookshelves that lined the far wall. Her chin sat balanced on one hand, as the other absentmindedly fiddled with a page in the large book that lay on the table in front of her. She knew she would be reprimanded if her tutor--or worse, her grandmother--saw her slouching, but she was too bored to concern herself with it at the moment. She sighed, glancing down at the page she held between her fingers.

As the second child of the Prince Regent, Beatrice was fourth in line for the throne--soon to be fifth, once Charlotte's child was born. She no longer needed to prepare for a hypothetical future where she would someday need to step up and become queen. Yet still, her father insisted she continue her studies while forcing her to follow his excessively strict rules. Even convincing him to allow her stay at Buckingham House had been a struggle. Luckily, her father was rather a pushover when it came to his mother, and when the queen had insistent Beatrice be allowed to stay for the season he could hardly say no.

She straighten, only to slid down into her chair. It's not as if she disliked the act of learning altogether. There had been many times when she felt she had truly enjoyed her lessons, having looked forward to more than one. But there were others that felt rather pointless; just tedious memorization that she would never have need for even if she were to become queen.

Studying the crest and founder of all the current noble houses, along with the family tree going back at least three generations, was not exactly thrilling.

She had found some enjoyment when she first started, flipping immediately to the section concerning a family she was now quite interested in. It did somehow feel a little like snooping, and she felt a bit guilty looking through Benedict's family history. However, she told herself it was all public knowledge, and after all it was a part of her studies.

She learned quite a lot about the family--their crest, the first Viscount's name and history, and of course the family as it stands now. It was a surprise to learn Benedict had seven siblings; she couldn't even begin to image having such a large family. Then again, her father was one of fifteen children, so perhaps eight was not so unreasonable.

After learning all she could about the Bridgertons, she moved on. She was less enthusiastic about learning anything at all about the other households, and soon she found her thoughts drifting.

It had been a few days since the ball. Beatrice had been the one to ask if she could attend, and at the time truly thought she would enjoy going. She hoped she may make a friend--possibly even two. She had been so isolated as a child, and her sister had always been little company to her. It would have been nice to talk to people her own age.

However, she had not expected she would cause such a frenzy. She hadn't realized how little people saw of the royal family at such events--with the exception of the queen, of course. It made Beatrice too conspicuous. She was a shining light of hope representing the next generation of the monarchy.

Then of course, there were the men. Knowing nothing about her, yet treating her like a prized mare up for auction. She supposed even as the second child, she must seem appealing to them. The crown may be out of reach, but her future husband would still be a prince--and of course, there was the considerable amount of riches she had access to as a member of the royal household.

Perhaps that's why she had been so taken with Benedict Bridgerton.

He had clearly not known who she was. Perhaps he had arrived late, or been out of the room when she had been announced alongside her grandmother. Either way, he seemed truly clueless to the title she carried. It made him seem so genuine compared to the others she had met that night. It had been so refreshing to be treated as her own person, rather than a royal. It may well be his motivations were less than pure, but at the very least he seemed like an honest person. Perhaps more prone to humorous banter, but still so sincere when it was needed.

This left her with a rather vexing problem.

On the one hand, he would certainly learn her identity sooner or later. It made sense to simply tell Benedict now rather than hide it from him, which may go poorly when he did eventually discover the truth. On the other hand, she had enjoyed their conversation immensely, and if he found out she was a princess after only a single meeting, he would likely feel the obligation to treat her just as everyone else did. She would lose her one chance to have a real connection with someone that wasn't singularly focused on her proximity to the throne.

If she wanted to continue hiding her title from him, she would need to find a way to see him. If they built up a friendship first, perhaps once he did learn the truth he would be less inclined to treat her differently. She was nearly guaranteed to see him at the next ball, but then she would once again be announced as a princess. Whatever had caused him to miss her entrance at the first ball, she had doubts that it would happen a second time.

With that being the case, she either had to wait and see him at the next ball, holding out hope he may continue to act as he had before even after learning the truth. Or, she had to see him outside of a ballroom. She couldn't bare the thought of losing an opportunity for real friendship, but of course she would never be allowed to leave Buckingham House on her own. This left her with only one option.

She would have to sneak out.

---

Benedict lounged lazily on the sill of his bedroom window. His head leaned back against the wood of the frame as he gazed out over the lamp lit streets below. In his lap sat his sketchbook, filled with half-finished sketches of a lovely young woman whose face he just couldn't quite capture.

Spending the afternoon with his brothers had been a nice reprieve from his mind, but night had fallen and now he was alone. There was nothing to stop his thoughts from wandering every corner of London, searching for a girl he hardly knew. Benedict threw his sketchbook to the floor with a groan, rubbing his charcoal stained hands down his face in frustration.

He felt ridiculous, being so overcome with thoughts of someone he barely knew. The mystery and intrigue of it all certainly played a part in his curiosity, but he would be lying if he said it had nothing to do with the girl herself. Such circumstances made her a novelty to be sure, but she had exhibited qualities he had not often see from those of the ton. He had replayed their conversation a hundred times in his mind, and he was now sure that he knew at least something of her character.

To Benedict, she had seemed a well of profound, thoughtful emotion. She felt things deeply and was not ashamed to show it. This was in contrast to so many in his social class, who held propriety above all things--even their own feelings.

She had been shy, but still wasn't quite as naive as he may have first thought. She was clearly kind, but that didn't stop her from being quick-witted when she saw the occasion for it.

It had been such a short amount of time, but what he had learned of her had only fueled a desire to learn more.

Perhaps most interesting was that her insecurities seemed to match his own perfectly. He had been feeling rather useless following Anthony's return, and from what she had said she felt quite the same about her own situation. He had never expected to find a kindred spirit in one of the young ladies of the ton.

Not that Benedict thought them all completely incapable of deeper thought, it was only that his situation as a second-son was rather obviously specific only to sons. A woman could not inherit her families title even if she were the first born child, so it was unlikely to find one so worried over her place within the family hierarchy. It was their future husband's title that truly mattered.

He didn't know enough about the young lady's family to know for sure, but he supposed if her family had only daughters it would be up to the eldest to marry well to secure their family's title and estate. A second daughter would inevitably leave once she was wed, leading him to believe his mysterious young lady must also be quite loyal to worry about her family so.

Perhaps that was something to think on.

---

Benedict, so caught up in his own mind, failed to notice when the very woman occupying his thoughts appeared on the street below him.

She pulled the hood closer to her face as she looked up at him, his shadowed profile gazing up at the stars. He was difficult to make out in the low light, but she was quite certain it was him.

Benedict Bridgerton.

She was thankful to arrive having drawn no unnecessary attention. This time, she wore a less conspicuous dress than she had at the ball. It was made of a pale green fabric, cut in the popular style the other ladies of the ton were wearing. She had worn a silken, violet cloak over top so she was able to hide her face from view. Perhaps walking around covering her face was in itself a suspicious act, but anyone who may look at her strangely for it would have no opportunity to get a good look at her face, which was all that concerned her.

She may have avoided notice so far, but she faced a new problem: How was she to draw Benedict's eye without also drawing the attention of passersby on the street? She could not simply call out to him, but them he would need to be looking down at the street to alert him quietly. Frustratingly, at the moment he seemed content looking up at the sky, rather than down to earth.

She had only one other idea.

---

As Benedict sat deep in thought, he was roused by a small clank on the wall near his window. Before he had the chance to turn his head, something small and hard smacked him in the forehead. The surprise caused him to lose his balance, his body rocking back and forth in the open window. When he at last steadied himself, he rubbed his forehead, looking down to find whomever it was that had struck him.

A woman in a hooded cloak looked back up at him, gloved hands raised to her mouth in a look of surprise and worry.

Once she realized she had his attention, she pulled back her hood, and Benedict felt his heart jump to his throat.

It was her.

She was really here.

This time, the shock did cause him to tumble over, though thankfully landing on his bedroom floor rather than the street below. He scrambled to the window, popping his head out as he gripped the sill. She had one hand to her lips, her shoulders shaking as she tried to stifle a laugh. She quickly beckoned for him to come down before turning, pulling her hood back to it's place atop her golden curls.

Benedict fumbled as he stood, grabbing his coat and gloves from their place discarded on his bed as he all but ran out of the room. He nearly barreled straight into Anthony as he flew down the stairs, one arm in his jacket.

Anthony gave Benedict a suspicious look, "And where are you going in such a rush?"

"Out," Benedict replied simply, sliding his free arm through the empty sleeve.

"Out where?" Anthony asked, annoyed.

"Just out," Benedict reiterated, "Honestly brother, do you truly want to know?"

Anthony sighed, "No, I suppose I don't." He gave his brother a stern look, "Just be sure our mother doesn't catch you--I have to hear enough from her about Colin as it is."

Benedict smiled. He grabbed Anthony's face between his hands and gave his cheek a quick kiss, "Thank you brother!" Anthony made a disgusted noise, knocking Benedict's hands away, "This is why you're my favorite elder brother," he added as he began descending the rest of the staircase.

"I'm your only elder brother!" Anthony shot back, shaking his head as he turned away, continuing his way up to the second floor.

Benedict grinned from ear to ear as he burst through the doors of Bridgerton House. He turned when he reached the street, catching sight of her as she fidgeted with her hands nervously. His smile softened as he watched her, though in truth he was beginning to feel quite nervous himself. Benedict started to move toward her, and soon enough she caught sight of him. He smiled at her, his stomach doing somersaults when she shyly smiled back. They stood there in silence for a long moment, taking each other in.

"You're here," Benedict commented at last.

"Ah, yes...I am," she smiled as she glanced down briefly, "It's good to see you again, Mister Bridgerton--and I am quite sorry, about the rock." He looked at her in confusion, until she quickly pointed to her forehead and he realized her meaning.

"Oh! Was that what that was? It's no bother--after all, I can think of far worse things you could have thrown at me." The back of her fingers pressed lightly to her lips as she laughed. He smiled, feeling emboldened by her response to his rather silly joke, "Though, if you truly wanted to make it up to me, you could start by telling me your name?"

She looked surprised, "Oh, right. Of course. I suppose I did fail to give it to you when we spoke before."

"Yes, and I must say I've been taking it quite personally," he said, his lower lip pouting as he looked at her in mock sadness. She smiled.

"Well, I would hate to think I had caused you any pain," she joked, and he grinned back. "You may call me Beatrice."

----------

Tags: @empressnatsume

[suffarustuffaru]

sincerely emilia (drabble for Day 2 - Injury / Role Swap / “What do I look like right now?” - rezero s3c1 fanweek!!)

Your name is Emilia, just Emilia, and you’re super duper good at everything you set your mind to! 

It was pretty rough learning how to die with grace, but it’s given you so many wonderful opportunities to learn other things as well! 

See, it only took approximately about a dozen or so loops to figure out how to make a suitable enough cake—you really, really don’t bother counting anymore, counting is such a downer unless it’s for something more fun—but, of course, you’re Emilia, and you can’t just half-ass any of the things you do! Ah, but oh my—you really, really shouldn’t be cursing or anything even in your internal dialogue, so you suppose this may call for another loop! Besides, you accidentally put too much frosting in one corner of the cake when you were writing the big important message on the face of it, so you must correct that as well. 

You duck into the nearest bathroom and bite down on your tongue. It’s good practice, given that’s usually one of the deaths you struggle a little bit with, and you like to practice. You like becoming so good at things that no one can think of you as stupid, silly Emilia anymore. You like being so good that nothing can ever touch you again. 

That you never hurt anyone again.

Anyway, this world has given you so many fun opportunities ever since that day in the capitol! Felt may have stolen your insignia at the time, and Elsa was quite an opponent, but you’ve learned all sorts of valuable things ever since! Of course, after your dozen or so loops spent learning to make a cake, you spent some more learning to make the perfect cake. It was only a tiny bit of looping—maybe about another dozen or more? Besides, you already had the chance to catalog even more important information:

Natsuki Subaru is from beyond the Great Waterfall. Natsuki Subaru, presumably, appeared in the middle of that capitol the same day your insignia was stolen. Natsuki Subaru is your knight because you let him mold himself into something stronger. You let him try, like how you always try and try and try. Because Natsuki Subaru is a stupid, stupid boy who lives life oh-so-recklessly, and yet you can’t help but admire his passion. His heart. You wanted to squeeze it, just a little, that one time you found him dead in an alleyway with his murderers panicking because they hadn’t expected to kill him. They weren’t even trying. And, of course, the knights weren’t trying to kill him. Of course not! And, of course, of course, of course, Natsuki Subaru had to follow you everywhere you went like a dumb puppy wagging its tail, but he can’t come back to life like you can. You’re dead weight. He’s even deader weight. But you can come back. After all the crying and vomiting and screaming you did, after all the times you got beat down and never came back up again, after all the times you let everyone around you die, after all the times you saw your own maids and your own father do horrible things you never would have approved of, after all the times you were targeted and stupid, stupid Subaru got caught in the crossfire, after all the times you saw Geuse—Petelgeuse—you figured it out: you can please everyone all at once and as much as possible so long as you used the power you were forced into. This is the one thing you can control: you make yourself beautiful, force your personality into a better place the same way you can force a broken shoulder back into its socket. The same way you can hear your own voice whisper back to you in a void, I love him, I love him, save him, I love him, save, save, save. The same way you can make sure Natsuki Subaru is safe.

And happy.

You can make sure everyone around you all at once is safe and happy. There were—there were a few errors. But you’re good at pushing forward. You even got over your personal hurdle of disliking lying and broken promises. This is because you’re not broken bird Emilia anymore. In fact, your power proves everyone wrong! How could you not be great after everything? You have it down to even the smallest details— 

“Subaru!” you exclaim as you burst into his room. He leaves the door unlocked; this is out of habit, even if he doesn’t remember her, due to all the times a certain maid had been at her bedside before she—before she—haha—

Subaru, of course, startles awake. He’s a little jumpy, though he can be quite the deep sleeper when he’s really exhausted, but he always has this habit of relaxing the moment he sees you! This is related to how the moon is beautiful, isn’t it is a phrase that really means I love you, along with other such foolish things like how Emilia-tan, is Emilia-chan is some childish form of endearment, and how take care are words that have either made Subaru cry tears of joy or tears of complete and utter despair depending on the loop, and how Natsuki Subaru was a lonely little shut-in NEET who imprinted on you like a duckling would with its mother. He’s frightened at first once he’s fully awake now, practically jumping out of bed and looking around like he’s expecting an attack—like that one loop where he died in his sleep, or that other loop where a certain maid died in her sleep instead and he got caught in the crossfire again, like he always does—but then his eyes land on you. His face brightens, and then brightens even further when you say—

“Happy birthday!” You proudly hold out the cake you’ve made for him. It’s butterscotch, exactly as he said he was craving since the first loop of this current period, and you made sure to write out the words Happy birthday in perfect characters onto the cake as well. Pretty poignant, you think, that his birthday is just a few weeks before the anniversary of that day in the capitol. You look up from the eighteen birthday candles scattered amidst the frosting. 

“It’s a new you,” you add with a cheerful smile. “I’m reaaally glad that you’re here, Subaru, and I’m honored to have another year with you as my friend—” You wink at him. A little teasing, but just innocent enough to only be slightly flirtatious. Subaru runs away in a panic if there’s too much. “—and my knight.”

Subaru squeaks in embarrassment at that. You allow yourself a measured giggle at that, hidden behind a polite hand. Subaru’s eyes roam all over you and the cake you’re holding out for him with your other hand; like this, all the muscles you’ve been working on are showing, all pure heroine grace just the way he likes, and your laugh is also pure grace. Just the way he likes. 

Pure, pure, pure. 

You make sure to alter the formula a little with others, though. A person like Anastasia likes being caught off guard by pure, simple sincerity, and you like seeing her narrow her eyes at you every time you already knew what she was going to say. Otto likes to take other people under his wing, as much as he pretends he doesn’t want to, so you indulgently allow him to advise you on everything and anything, and you laugh when he doesn’t know how you’re predicting every possible move he makes in shatranj. Garfiel’s desire for strength is admirable, and your sparring sessions with him have been some of your favorite loops. The moment he declared that he would have to train to become as strong as you tasted like pure victory. Ram’s singing lessons too, have been your other favorites as well, with the curtness of her voice turning soft when she called you a girl with good timing, and even Julius’s lips kissing your knuckle felt nice in the epicenter of the storm that was all those loops where you kept trying and trying to stop Subaru from walking straight into his death. All of this—it’s another way to improvement. It’s another way to experience every good thing you’ve ever had over and over and over again. 

Pure intimacy.

Purity itself.

But now, Subaru’s bright, flustered grin suddenly fades. It sends a panic in you, a bile curling in your stomach and clawing up your throat until you want to slit your throat. “Aww, Subaru,” you say, as gentle as ever. “Is something the matter?” 

Subaru shakes his head hastily. Clears his throat. “N-No,” he says, “Just—how did you learn to write in Japanese?” 

You pause. Then, “Does Subaru not like it?”

“No, no,” Subaru stutters, gesturing his hands around wildly. “I do like it! I really, really like it, Emilia-tan, promise! It’s—god, this is like a birthday cake out of my dreams, I swear, but—I-I wasn’t expectin’ that you’d, um, know how to—”

You smile again and lightly tap Subaru’s nose. It distracts him again, his cheeks bright red, just as you knew it would. “Well, silly, I’ve been wanting to learn for a while! It’s an ancient language hailing from Kararagi, I hear—” Subaru’s journal was an enlightening thing to look through. You figure that with only a few more loops you could read the entire thing from front to back and then recite it from memory. “—and you seem so passionate about it, so I wanted to learn just for you.”

Just for you. Haha, you’re really the most sincere person in the entire universe, aren’t you?

“Really, Emilia-tan…?” Subaru replies, completely awestruck. 

“Really,” you say, with the tilt of your head. This must be the Subaru that blue-haired maid saw, of course. Silly, silly Subaru, always thinking about other—

Subaru stands there, right beside you, biting down on the inside of his cheek like he always does when he’s uncertain about something. That’s your Subaru, always biting down words when he feels the need to. He’s still starry-eyed looking at you, of course, but there’s a bit of hesitation there now for some reason.

“Emilia…” he says, reluctant, “You look…”

“What do I look like right now?” you obediently ask. You have always had to ask these sorts of things, unfortunately. Half-devil witch. Half-devil witch in league with the actual half-devil witch. Half-devil witch who can come back to life after death. Half-devil witch who can return from death any time she wants, save everyone except for the times it really counts. You can look like a witch, but you can't act like one. Rem is gone. Petelgeuse is gone. Puck is gone. Fortuna is gone, gone, gone. Everyone has been gone in every timeline except—

“You looked a little… scary… for a moment,” Subaru mumbles. Then he shakes his head at a rather vigorous rate. “No, no, I was probably seeing things—sorry, Emilia-tan. I didn’t mean to be such a downer, and I don’t mean to insult you or anything, you’re still as beautiful as ever, I promise!”

You smile. You’re very good at smiling and waving. You can already feel your teeth scraping against your tongue again. “No need to apologize, Subaru. We all see things that frighten us for a moment, don’t we?” Your hand pats him on the head. He does this little flustered squeal at that, as always, and you laugh sweetly at him in reward. “Why don’t we go to the dining room and eat your cake there? You still have to blow out the candles, after all, and I need to go make sure your breakfast is all set too.”

“O-Oh!” Subaru startles. “Emilia-tan, you put in so much work for me and you really didn’t have to—”

You hum to yourself. “It’s okay, Subaru, there’s no need to put in any work today when it’s your birthday!” You reach for his hand with your own, the one that’s not holding the cake, and he eagerly holds your hand back. You squeeze it gently. “Come now, let’s just go already so we can celebrate!” 

This will likely take another loop.

“O-Okay, Emilia-tan,” Subaru says with a grin. And everything’s okay. Because Emilia declares it to be. Because, because, because—

Your name is Emilia, the very best Emilia, and you’re super duper good at everything you set your mind to!

[amphiptere-art]

Issues with Eclipse's treatment

What good behavior can you expect out of a character that has been dealt nothing but wrongs?

Eclipse has no reason to be kinder.

Eclipse spent a year abandoned in somebody's head watching a version of himself live a better life.

From the very moment eclipse was born he has only known that people hated him.

Eclipse has always been treated bad. So why expect anything else.

Eclipse has never treated anyone good. So no one will expect him to treat anyone good.

Eclipse will always be snarky towards moon and others because he is not expecting them to treat him any better.

Old Moon caused eclipse pain. Never once did he apologize for it.

Copy Eclipse still hasn't heard Moon's apology.

Eclipse's only goal is to figure out why he is alive. Presumably to make it so he cannot be alive ever again.

Eclipse did not want to be alive. Neither do I think the fandom did.

Eclipse is going insane due to the fact that he is essentially a zombie that keeps coming back. Each time lesser and lesser then their original self

Eclipse might be believing his insanity is normal. No one else is helping him with it. And only uses it as a slur.

Eclipse possibly has thought of reckless suicide attempts.

Eclipse is totally on board dying.

Eclipse might be angering moon to get him to lash out purposely. To trigger the bomb.

Eclipse did trigger lunar enough to kill him.

It is unsettling that the fandom does not care about this angle because it is "too violent" for the main show.

Crimes unrightfully stacking against copy eclipse who did not do them only remember.

Crimes of OG Eclipse should be there's alone.

Crimes of backup Eclipse should be there's alone.

Crimes of copy Eclipse should be there's alone.

Copy eclipses only crime is remembering the previous crimes and kidnapping ruin. The only other bad thing he does is spit threats.

Moon has essentially pinned every crime from the previous eclipses onto copy Eclipse. Putting him on a death sentence because of those crimes. And making him do manual labor or else he will expedite that death sentence.

Moon's behavior has improved very little. His behavior has best improved towards sun and closer friends. Any other behavior has stayed relatively the same.

Moon's self-improvement was cut short by his death. And unfortunately New Moon is spiraling back into the same bad habits.

New Moon's behavior has unfortunately turned very sour. He is easier to anger, and has started the verbal abuse up once again.

Moon has always wanted eclipse dead. Never once was him disappearing good enough.

Moon will continue to think he is in the right because he is "always right".

Moon continues to make decisions without considering others.

Moon and Sun have continuously laughed at the villain's faults. In eclipses case it is laughing about insanity. Something caused out of mistreatment and abandonment. Something they caused.

Moon has used eclipses insanity and madness as a slur against him.

Moons abuse is worse and has stayed longer than eclipses abuse.

Sun has spent at least 8 years being abused by old moon. Enough that it has lasted even after his death.

Moon's harassment includes putting sun in dangerous situations, pushing and shoving him, Hit him canonically once, Whatever type of fighting happened when they were in one body, and verbal abuse.

Sun is continuously scared that he will say something to upset Moon. Expecting him to revert to old habits.

Sun only thinks his and Moons relationship is "good" when everything is going ok.

Sun might not realize how much Moons abuse affected him. Given that he saw it as normal for so long.

Sun was confused as to why lunar would kill his brother. Given that he might have seen the abuse as "not as bad". Which is telling that he is desensitized to his abuse.

Eclipse's harassment towards sun was never really personal. It was personal towards moon. Sun was just the easy way to harm him.

Sun has never once had any free time to go through all these issues.

Lunar only spent a month of physical abuse under eclipse.

Eclipse harmed lunar 3 times, tried to kill him twice, gave him panic attacks a couple times, and blew him up once. Most of his abuse was verbal.

Eclipse's harassment towards lunar was only out of fear of losing his victory.

Never once did eclipse ever really try to treat lunar as a brother better than moon would. He only used it as a word to compare themselves to Sun and Moon.

Eclipse also did care for Lunar's health. The code checking was only for health concerns. Along with many other scenarios where eclipse was worried about his health.

Lunar was happy with eclipse for some time. In many videos they are very entertained and happy with each other. It is only when eclipse got the star that it started going south.

Eclipse most likely started harming lunar due to generational trauma. Basing off of moons actions.

The fandom is ignoring moons wrongs in order to support the protagonist.

The fandom is letting this mistreatment slide despite the majority of the characters encouraging it. Believing Eclipse's mistreatment is the only way for eclipse to have a redemption.

Expecting redemption is unlikely. Eclipse has no reason to change. And sun moon have no reason to not hate him because of such.

There is not many scenarios without breaking character where they want to help eclipse get better.

Eclipse has been called an evil entity by magic people. Making his fate clear on a destiny level.

Moon wants him dead. Although it's softens with every encounter.

Sun wants him dead. Although that is just a statement as he was surprised at lunar's actions against eclipse.

Lunar wants him dead. And did so to seek a peace they did not gain.

Monty wants him gone. And finds Eclipse's torment hilarious.

Solar doesn't have an opinion because he's following Moon.

Earth doesn't believe he can change because he is too stuck in anger. She currently doesn't seem to have a healthy outlook on Eclipse doing anything else but bad. She is also unfortunately grown fearful due to his death.

Ruin is scared of him due to his kidnapping. Also multiple outlash believing he is his creator. Although this might be null given new actions.

Puppet finds eclipses torment hilarious.

Freddy has called eclipse an evil entity he wants gone.

Loss of a villain. The only replacement we have been offered is Moon themselves, and this mysterious entity that we do not yet care about.

They have shelved blood moon because making him a worse villain backfired. They changed the character too much and made the protagonists too misunderstanding of them.

They are doing the opposite of blood moon with eclipse. But they are attempting to stay in character. Making a muddled directive.

They are dragging Eclipse into the sympathy card and making their own protagonist bad guys by doing so.

They are failing to make the villains sympathetic, Because Moon is just as bad. Eclipse is unable to outcompete the bad.

Eclipse might very well die or be shelved similar to Blood Moon. Just so the show writers do not have to deal with the backlash of his mistreatment.

This is a cycle of abuse. Eclipse will never forgive Moon, and at this point believes there is not going back. Moon will never forgive eclipse, and believes that eclipse will never change. Both are too prideful to let go.

And nothing will change until one of them or any of the other characters let go.

If anyone wants to ask if I could add/modify/or remove points I am open to do so. Just give me reasonable counter arguments or new points to add.

I will note, I stopped watching the show for my own health. So while I can add new or modify points to match with the new story. I will not know all the details and can only go off of what people tell me. So excuse me if some of these points are a little old or misinformed.

[songbirdlopez]

Santana Lopez is lazy. At least, according to herself in New Directions (5x13) "I'm too lazy to do eight shows a week". Now I have many issues with this episode and the entire understudy plot, but that isn't what I want to expand on here. I just want to talk about this one line.

Warning, this is a very long post.

Where on Earth did the writers get that idea? I can see Santana genuinely believing that about herself since her self esteem isn't always the greatest, but Rachel never corrects her. Santana says she is lazy, and that's it. She's lazy. But wait a minute, are we talking about the same Santana here?

Let me bring up the obvious. The cheerios. I don't think it's possible to be lazy and be a cheerleader under the leadership of Sue Sylvester (unless you're Becky, I guess). Santana was a cheerio for all of season 1 and 3, half of season 2 (only because without her, Quinn, and Brittany the cheerios weren't good enough to win), and presumably all of her freshman year. That's three and a half years of gruelling training and death-defying stunts. And for her senior year she is co-captain, so taking on extra responsibilities.

Also cheerios related, in Diva 4x13 Sue offers Santana a job as the cheerios coach. Despite knowing how tough Sue is she says yes. Later when speaking to Britt she says that she'll take over fully when Sue dies and she's gonna make sure that happens within a few years (presumably a joke but who knows what would've happened).

Then there's the New Directions. Santana is in the glee club for three (almost) straight years. We don't often see much more than lessons being introduced and then singing, but it's established in season 1 that they do vocal warm ups/training. There's also booty camp which runs late season 2 and all season 3. After she gets (unfairly imo) kicked out in The Purple Piano Project (3x01), she agrees to join Booty Camp to come back to ND. In universe she is one of the better dancers, so this is just a punishment that she accepts, she wants to be in the glee club and will do extra work for it. There's also practising for their competition numbers (even if it's the day of). In season 1 she helps come up with some choreography. Santana often has solo parts and was one of only a few members to get a full solo where she doesn't just park and bark (obvi Britt and Mike were the featured dancers but Santana has her own choreo). Santana is also one of only four characters who audition for a solo for nationals in Funeral (2x21), and she's one of only two who have some sort of choreography.

Continuing on with glee clubs, the Troubletones. Santana joined TT to get more focus. We saw TT discussions and dance practise, and we know that Shelby did vocal coaching that was better than Will's (Mercedes: "Shelby's a great teacher, I'm hitting notes I didn't even know existed.") Santana also pushed through a majorly distressing event (outing) to perform and used that pain to lift the performance (RHI/SLY).

School musicals. Santana has roles in three different school musicals. The only one she doesn't participate in is Cabaret, but that is just a sham to get Rach away from the New Directions. In season two she plays two different characters in Rocky Horror, she's double cast as Magenta (a supporting character) with Quinn, and she plays the lips (this is a mistake on the show's part, the lips are Riff Raff's actor in the movie, but on stage this song is performed by a character named Trixie the Usherette who does a reprise of the song at the end). In West Side Story she plays Anita. Finally in Grease she plays Rizzo, it's worth noting that she gets the role with very little notice and still (from what little we see) nails it.

Jobs. Throughout highschool Santana doesn't seem to have any part time employment, but that's the case for most characters. While she's at Louisville she doesn't need to get a job since she got a scholarship and a bunch of money from her mom. I mentioned previously that she almost got a job as cheerios coach. Once she moves to New York in season 4 she works a shit ton of jobs, like a ridiculous amount. She's a bouncer, a cage dancer, she works at the Coyote Ugly Saloon Bar, she's a waitress, a reoccurring actor for Yeast-I-Stat, Fanny Brice understudy, Rachel's publicist, back up singer (and maybe dancer?) for Mercedes which includes touring with her, and she is an active member of Pamela Lansbury before she and Rachel are kicked out.

Even ignoring the jobs that were just word of mouth, she had five jobs, that's more than any other character in the show, and we unfortunately never find out what she ends up doing.

In season 4 after a push from her friends she takes on NYADA extension classes.

Also relevant, in season 4 she drops out of college. This isn't because she's "too lazy", it's because of the environment. She didn't gel with her fellow students, there's no mention of the work being too much, it's purely that the other cheerleaders don't respond well to her. Her "brutal honesty" or whatever, still not a reflection of her work ethic, just her lack of tact (to put it lightly). Also worth mentioning, the two times we see her at Louisville she is clearly working hard. She can't talk to Britt because she's too busy, and in the scene where that Virginia Wolfe girl eyes her up she's in the library studying. In Jagged Little Tapestry (6x03) Santana tells Brittany that she would like to go back to college, unfortunately we never see if this comes to fruition.

Volunteering. Santana is also the character who volunteers the most. In Silly Love Songs (2x12) she says that she often volunteers at the hospital which is where she got the candy striper outfit. Two episode earlier in A Very Glee Christmas (2x10) the glee girls are going to sell their hair, Santana is the one to tell the others to "stop yapping" and just do it and is just a about to cut off her hair when Will stops them, so clearly she was willing to do it. The next Christmas Santana joins Sam and Quinn at the homeless shelter with the other New Directions after the tv special (kinda goes against her prior eagerness to help out, but makes sense since fame is her mistress). In Lights Out (4x20) she joins Rachel and Kurt volunteering at the Ballet Gala. Admittedly here it's takes a push and she only goes after being offered dresses.

Mentoring. From season four the ND alumni often come back to mentor the newbies or just to help out in general. Santana comes back in Glease (4x06), Thanksgiving (4x08), Diva (4x13), All or Nothing (4x21), 100/New Directions (5x12, 5x13), Homecoming (6x02), and Jagged Little Tapestry (6x03). (I'm not including The Breakup or The Quarterback because she came back for emotional reasons.)

Knowing all of this about her shows how hardworking and passionate Santana is. She is constantly working at something. She has her down time (watching Facts of Life, scrolling Rizzoli & Isles lesbian subtext blogs), but that seems few and far between when knowing just how much she works. It can also be inferred that she is a good student at WMHS, seeing as she got the scholarship to Louisville and they probably wouldn't accept her on just cheerleading merit alone, and she is seen multiple times with her books open, studying. (Pot O' Gold and Saturday Night Glee-ver come to mind). We also know that she cares about her education because she reported Will for being a sub par teacher in The Spanish Teacher (3x12).

Along with everything I just mentioned, Santana also takes it upon herself to do side quests when she wants something. She is so determined to prove that Quinn and Finn are having an affair that she gives herself mono (she's immune apparently, but still). She also goes full spy to take down Sebastian, and to take down Brody. With everything else she does and the effort she puts into random situations to do with her friends she must be goddamn exhausted.

Something I must bring up is related to her being Rachel's understudy. But first another disclaimer: I don't want this post to become a discussion on who was in the right in the situation, both women did bad things, that is not what this post is about. I only bring it up because it is the plot where this line is said, therefore some parts a relevant.

Santana only gets the idea to audition for the understudy role as Rachel leaves to go judge the auditions. We do not know exactly how much time passes in between but it's presumably only a few hours at most. This means that Santana had to memorise the song, change the key and structure by herself, and choreograph the number in a few hours. That shows dedication. Later on in The Back-Up Plan (5x18) Santana goes on in place of Rachel to try and save her friends job. Again she has very little time to prepare to play the role as the show is that night, and hasn't been the understudy for approximately a good few months. We don't see her perform but Rach herself says she was really good. It's unfortunate that we never see Santana get any opportunities come from this, but it's Glee so I digress.

In conclusion (I feel like I'm back in highschool lol), Santana Lopez has many flaws and there are many valid reasons to criticise her, her work ethic is not one. Santana is shown to be an extremely hard working and dedicated character who aims high and will put in the work to get what she wants, she won't let other people get in her way. She can be her own worst enemy and can get into a slump when she can't see a direction to go in, but she always pushes through. I think it's cowardly that the show not only decided that she was the sole offender of the Understudy Situation, but also shunted her with a negative descriptor that is in complete opposition to what we know of her. Despite also saying cruel things during the understudy plot line Rachel gets away with not apologising, and then lets Santana insult herself. It's an unfortunate result and complete character assassination for Santana and shows how little the writers care for her. It also destroys the friendship that Pezberry developed up until that point. Santana is not the only character to be described in a negative way even when the rest of the show doesn't represent that, Mercedes Jones gets this treatment even worse and more often. I do have a discussion about her in my drafts, hopefully I'll finish it one day. It sucks that two of the most versatile and skilled characters in Glee are constantly said to not be enough.

Santana Lopez is not lazy.

[bugslaststraw]

Oh yeah. I'm tired and feel a bit out of body from morning to night dance moves pat and immfeelingalright right now but I had an idea about why Murdoc got like that with 2-D to begin with. Like yes okay I understand that once the stone is kicked down the road there's no way of stopping it; I always accepted that Murdoc was just never gonna be normal about him, but I also can't... Recall any one moment when we were ever told why, like. Why.

Why what? Why everything, why the core question at the centerpoint of everything, why is Murdoc so fucking angry with him all the time. Cos it sure as Hell isn't because he hates him; we're way beyond that now, and we know that that's a lie and most likely always has been. But Murdoc really likes Noodle too, she's his kid after all, his little girl, and he's never treated her the same way even remotely. If the reasons why he's always bullying 2-D is simply "well he's a control freak and gets affection mixed up with beating people half to death because that's what his dad did so he does this to everyone" then why doesn't he ever act this way with anybody else?

Well, the reason I accepted up until now is because Noodle and Russel can't be pushed around as easily. You try to hit either of them and they hit you back way harder and you crumple to the floor like a sack of wet rags. Obviously the logical next move after that is to try to suck up to them instead so you can get them to at least tolerate you, and maybe decide to stay and not set off the ole' abandonment issues as bad. Russel states at one point that 2-D is the only person Murdoc can reliably win a fight against, presumably because he'd never have the idea to swing back. It's not that he's that weak or whatever. He's just, well. Not a fighter.

I had another idea though. A real devious one, this one. Evil shit cooking. I'm an angst wizard where was I going with this

Ever notice how when Murdoc opens up to someone emotionally it's somehow always 2-D? Like, without fail? Okay, sometimes he has full scale mental breakdowns and opens up to Literally Everybody (see; Pirate Radio) because lord knows he isn't very good at keeping secrets, or at pretending to be cool. But also remember that comment he makes about making 2-D dictate his autobiography during, like... YouTube comment section impromptu QnA, space between Song Machine and Cracker Island, I believe. We never got that autobiography. We probably never will get it to be honest. All I remember is 2-D broke his fuckin hands writing it all down.

And, okay, time to beat the same dead horse again, I'm about to bring up arguably some of the most infamous 2-D Moments™ in GZ history but behold;

the other two times. I'm not sure how to put this objectively. Whenever Murdoc ends up crying and spilling his whole tragic backstory in someone's arms it's, like, 2-D 90% of the time. Coincidence? Gods no 2-D is just the person who's around him the most. Because he can't leave. He's also just more... Compassionate and forgiving. At the risk of making him sound like a dumb little baby again #let2dsayfuck he's been shown to be very empathetic and quick to forgive and all. If someone's having a mental breakdown, you try to comfort them. Isn't that how it works? But Noodle is too practical (and doesn't deserve to deal with her own shit father's mental breakdowns, trust me, speaking from experience, it sucks ten times more when it's your parent, especially if they do it often, you do NOT wanna parent your parent it's the most unfun experience I've had period, and I think or at least hope and headcanon that she's resilient enough to go no I am not dealing with this why are you crying get the fuck off the floor) and Russel possibly too mad at Murdoc to even get himself into this situation, so if there's any one person in the band you *want* to be crying in the arms of, it's probably 2-D, right? At least if you're Murdoc.

But. That's a bit annoying, isn't it. You slip up one time and suddenly you wake up the next morning and realise that this... This little fucking twerp has suddenly got immense power over you. Last night you took a Floor Pill off the dance boards of a shady nightclub and it made you think you were legitimately dying, and he was the only person technically in the band at the time, and you'd only first met him a couple weeks ago, but he was the person to go looking for you. Nobody's ever really done that before. And then he tries to help you, shit, he even gets on his knees on the pavement to help peel you off it, and you can't recall anybody ever being that kind to you in your life, and you break down completely, and you cry and hold onto him so hard he complains you're gonna break his spine and you make him promise to never ever ever leave you et-cetera. And instead of going "fuck off man" and disappearing into the night like everyone else you've done this with he actually does promise. Which has also never happened before. And then you wake up the next morning and have to deal with the fact that, on pure god damn accident, you gave that skinny little fucker your whole heart, and you can't take it back.

What's worse, 2-D doesn't understand the weight of what's just happened. Nor does he understand it the next time, or the next time, or the time after that. He doesn't think he's special, he doesn't understand what he's got and that you can't take it back. He's not malicious. He's not laughing at you. He's just confused, confused and very, very open. He's practically parading around your biggest secret like it means nothing.

And don't get me wrong: Murdoc is fine telling people about his past, in fact he seems to like it; he tells Cass Browne about his childhood so he can put it into Rise of The Ogre. He slips in that bit about the lunch lady iykyk as a joke, mid-interview. It's not about the backstory itself. It's about the emotional distance he has from it. And when you're fresh off an acid flashback I don't think you've got any emotional distance from it at all.

2-D doesn't connect the dots at least not until specifically Song Machine If Murdoc thought he was special he wouldn't be hitting him, right? He probably isn't even in the top ten of his favourite people. That's why the times where he's suddenly so familiar, and on top of that so vulnerable, just confuses him. He tells the story about the strawberries as a "weird thing that happened on tour," and the subtext (which we can quite easily spot from an outside perspective, like, come on,) flies completely over his head.

Can you imagine being Murdoc, and reading that interview after it was posted? Skimming through 2-D's synth article in the G-mag while editing because it's probably just stupid anyway, missing the bit about the acid flashbacks, and only noticing it two months later and everybody acts surprised you even care in the first place?

I think if I was Murdoc and I accidentally laid bare the depths of my soul (got a normal amount of vulnerable) and the mother fucker I did it to just started telling random people about it I would become the Joker immediately.

[notallthoseinheadspace]

Some long rambling speculation on the last couple episodes of The Bad Batch below the cut.

(If any of it doesn’t make sense please forgive me, today’s round of chemo fucking flattened me.)

Going off my other post about how I do suspect CX-2 is Tech and Omega is Force-sensitive (I don’t know how to embed it and I’m too tired to figure it out right now, I can edit this when I don’t feel like I could be slipped through a letter slot) I’m caught on how Omega said that last time she escaped she had help. That was Crosshair.

She doesn’t know he missed, but she has to know there’s a chance. Even though his hand was steady after he started meditating with her, that sort of problem doesn’t get fixed overnight. So I’m still wondering if she had a backup tracker on her that wasn’t scanned - or, in a callback to the scene in the mine, she and CX-Tech had a heart-to-heart in the ship. Maybe she knows she has help coming separate from what we the viewers know.

The previews showed Hunter in what looked like a single-person vessel (the one they were in didn’t have a fully glass cockpit? Well, transparisteel. You know what I mean.) which suggests to me that they get into the base and wind up in the base’s fighter craft somehow?

(I’m fully expecting Hunter to do a sacrifice play. I hope he doesn’t succeed. I want the whole Batch together and happy again.)

The Cavalry mentioned in the last episode title seems like it would be a callback to their first appearance in TCW - Wrecker says ‘the cavalry has arrived!’ as he’s stepping off the ship to greet Cody and Rex - which gives me hope that the cavalry in question is not only the reunited Bad Batch but also Rex and Cody coming to their aid.

Another scene I can imagine happening and would love to see: Crosshair taking a shot at CX-2, who falls, helmet dramatically rolling away to reveal a scarred Tech - who, after a long moment of shock and horror, opens his eyes to groan out ‘Crosshair, you missed.’

Presumably the station on Tantiss will be destroyed - by the Zillo beast we saw the shadow of? By Wrecker and Crosshair planting explosives and then detonating them with one of the signature ricocheting shots? (Please not by someone pulling a Hevy. I am tired and everyone has enough trauma, Echo especially.)

Ideally the Batch would be presumed dead and Hemlock and all his research would be destroyed so there’s no reason for the Empire to continue searching them out, and they can retire in peace (although I do see Omega seeking out more training and involvement with Rex’s clone rebellion once she’s older - and I really fucking hope we get a series of that. Echo is my favorite, I would genuinely like to see him onscreen more. Also, we never did have the story behind how Rex, Wolffe, and Gregor wound up in their mobile fishing home. I’m fairly sure it’s horrible and tragic and I want it anyway.)

What they’re going to do with Rampart is baffling me - he doesn’t seem to have realized that his surviving this escapade is entirely reliant on Crosshair’s goodwill. Y’know, the guy he relentlessly dehumanized and never let eat a full meal and seems way too comfortable casually pushing around. (What is the way Crosshair is holding him when he stumbles in the ‘negative’ scene? It would make sense for Cross and Wrecker to be restraining him but it’s so weirdly tender?)

So, in very rambly conclusion, my speculative theories:

- CX-2 aiding Omega and revealed to be Tech

- Callback to the mine cave scene with Omega and Tech talking

- Cavalry is Rex, Cody, Gregor (and possibly Wolffe? Unless they are giving us a Clone Rebellion series and Wolffe joining Rex is covered in that)

- Crosshair’s tremor comes back, but as a positive (doesn’t kill his brother!)

- Deaths include Hemlock and Hunter (I don’t want Hunter to die. I just have a feeling. They’re not going to kill Omega and killing Crosshair at this point in his character arc would just be bad writing. Redemption equals death is a sloppy, lazy trope and it doesn’t work when someone’s already doing the work to redeem themselves. I’m unsure about Wrecker, but I can see him pulling a Hevy to let the others escape.)

- Emerie turning on Hemlock enough to help the children escape but not escaping with them. I have no guesses on Nala Se. TBB has pushed to make her a more sympathetic character, but it also seems like her imprisonment is weakening her a great deal. If I had to guess, she will try to tell Omega what Omega’s mutation is but die before she can finish, setting up Omega to research/train etc in any possible sequels/later appearances.

If this makes no sense blame the Taxol, if I’m right about anything blame the dodgeball.

[selunesdreams]

Chapter 9: All the White Horses Are Still in Bed

"One more thing, Astarion. Do you really think Mephistopheles is the only one who could offer ascension?” 

Part of a series, full story on AO3

Astarion x Original Female Character

Content (chapter): 18+ depictions of violence, blood and graphic injuries, death, sexual themes. Smut & fluff in other chapters, see AO3 tags or for detailed fic tags and warnings.

Around midnight, Astarion arrives back at the tower, finding Gale sitting in the den, waiting. He shuts the door behind him, clearing his throat.

“Late night?” Astarion asks, attempting a friendly tone, wondering if he can bypass the uncomfortable encounter altogether. 

“Something like that,” Gale says in a distant voice, setting his book on the chair’s arm and motioning towards the scroll in Astarion’s hand. “Find what you were looking for?” 

“Ah…yes. In a way.” Astarion shrugs off his coat and hangs it by the door. He walks across the room and holds out the scroll out to Gale, as if it were a peace offering. Gale takes it, unraveling and scanning it as Astarion sits on the couch across from him, letting his limbs splay out lazily. 

“So you found a whisper of a ring that may or may not even be what you need?”

“It’s enough hope for me. There were doors we never even opened underneath Sorcerer’s Sundries. You were there.” Astarion says with a shrug. Gale rolls the paper up delicately and returns it to Astarion.

“When do you leave?” Gale asks flatly. 

“As soon as possible.” Astarion drops the friendly facade. The tension is exhausting and he can’t keep it up any longer. “Gale, I…apologize.” Gale raises an eyebrow. 

“An apology from the infamously unapologetic Astarion.” He replies, amused. 

“I was…harsh. And I… gods, I don’t think I’ve genuinely apologized to anyone since I was human, unless you count when Cazador forced me.” Astarion’s piercing scarlet eyes rise to meet Gale’s. “I’ve never had friends. Never had a reason to care about anyone around me. But Gale, you…all of you…have been loyal to me, patient with me in ways I’m not sure I deserve.” Astarion wrings his hands uncomfortably.

“I appreciate the apology, but Astarion, why do you need this so badly? I understand what you’ve lost, the desire to be in the sun, but…how far are you willing to go? How many people would you be willing to betray or let come to harm over this? I need to know there’s a limit - that there’s a point where this just doesn’t become worth it anymore.” Gale says desperately. 

“It exists.” Astarion says with certainty. “But I’ll…try to bear your words in mind.”

“If you’re going to Baldur’s Gate for this ring, let me come with you. I’ll sleep better to know there’s someone who will at least try to convince you to do the right thing…someone who will have your back.” Gale leans forward in his chair. “There’s good in you, Astarion, I’ve seen it. I’ve watched you hesitate in the face of unspeakable choices. Damn yourself to the shadows to save thousands of souls. There is good in you.” He repeats with anguish. “Don’t mistake it for weakness.” 

Astarion’s eyes drift to the fire for several heavy moments. 

“Very well. You can come. I suppose we should ask the others if they’d like to tag along,” he says with a forced smirk. 

“I presume you’re insisting on bringing Celeste along as well?” Gale asks.

“Yes, she’s coming.”

Gale pushes himself up from the chair. “Alright. The attic is still yours, if you want it. I restrained myself from washing your sheets in holy water, but I can’t guarantee Shadowheart hasn’t tucked any garlic under your pillow.” 

“Gale… what is going on between you and Shadowheart?” Astarion asks. Gale sighs and massages his forehead with one hand. 

“I don’t have the slightest idea. There were…nights, at camp, where we’d talk until dawn, when we kissed a time or two while drunk, or when I held her after Shar punished her, after her parents died. When I invited her to live here after we left Baldur’s Gate, I’d hoped time would give us the opportunity to cultivate something but…we’ve spent most of our time in comfortable silence or talking like old friends. But yesterday, after you said…what you said,” Gale’s voice no longer carries any anger towards Astarion, but it drips with frustration, “I went to her room last night and told her I was in love with her, kissed her…and she told me she needed time to think. So…I’m giving her time.” Gale wears a pained expression, avoiding Astarion’s gaze.

Astarion has never given romantic advice, nor would he have any to give. The two men stand in silence before Gale nods at him.

“Goodnight, Astarion.” He says, going upstairs to his room.

Astarion flops back down on the couch with a sigh, one arm resting against his forehead. Perhaps his words forced their hands, perhaps he did them each a favor. 

He wanders outside before dawn through the vacant streets. Surely, after such a good deed, he’s earned himself the neck of a criminal. With no luck, he finds himself settled into the corner booth of the Blushing Nymph. He drinks and observes the debauchery, hoping to find any moral atrocities that even Gale would approve of him sinking his teeth into. 

A dark-haired woman slides into the booth next to him, catching him by surprise. His fingers instinctively slip down to the hilt of his dagger. 

“Sheath your weapon, spawn. I’m a friend, not a foe.” She says with a grin. Astarion’s grip slackens in his surprise. 

Vampire. 

“Keresta Delvingstone.” She purrs, outstretching a hand from underneath her black cloak. When Astarion doesn’t shake it, she pulls back with a smirk. “I’ve been keeping an eye on you. I know you’re not one of mine, so what are you doing away from your lord?”

Astarion sneers. “My lord is dead.” Keresta raises an eyebrow. 

“That’s a story I need to hear.” She says, leaning closer. 

“It’s not one I plan to tell.” He says coolly. 

“Very well.” She says with a smile. “So tell me, spawn, why are you haunting the corner of the Nymph instead of indulging? Are you fresh off your leash?”

“Passing the time, my dear.” He says, staring forward as he sips his drink. 

“Do you have a name?” She asks, dragging a finger down his arm. He bristles.

“Astarion. Why have you been following me?” 

“Rogue vampire spawn sulking alone in my city? Accompanying Selûnites on night time strolls?” She says with disgust. “That catches my attention.” 

“How do you know about- ” 

“In the shadows, I see everything, love.” She says with a grin. “Dangerous night to be Selûne’s kin.” Her eyes drift to the empty sky outside the window. A new moon. A night when Selûne’s power is weakest. He freezes. 

“You’re Sharran.” He says with a snarl. Keresta shrugs. 

“And you’re aligning yourself with the wrong goddess.” She says dangerously. 

“I’m not aligned with any of the gods.” Astarion says in an icy tone, “None of them have ever come to my aid.”

“You never had anything to offer them before now.” She mocks him with a pout. “But now…you have a connection to something my lady wants.” 

“Forget it.” Astarion says, sliding his drink away and standing up swiftly. “I’m not interested in anything you’re offering.”

“That’s disappointing.” She says, snapping at a human girl across the bar. “Portia!” She beckons her over. Portia’s movements are slow, but obedient, her long blonde hair covering a series of bite marks adorning her neck. Astarion immediately detects the scent of something in Portia’s blood that makes his throat burn. 

“What is she?” Astarion asks Keresta, staring at a dazed Portia with uncertainty.

“Human, fed a steady diet of bloodroot.”

“Bloodroot?” Astarion questions. 

“Oh you poor thing, your master truly was cruel.” Keresta laughs before lowering her voice. “Only grown in the Mhair Jungles. Think…opiates for vampires, only better. Illegal in Waterdeep.” She says with a wink. “Would you like a sample?”

It takes everything in Astarion to resist. 

“No.” He says hoarsely. Keresta shrugs and waves Portia away. 

“Very well. One more thing, Astarion. Do you really think Mephistopheles is the only one who could offer ascension?” 

“What do you know about that?” He asks, eyes narrowing. 

“Whispers about Cazador Szarr tragically perishing before he could seize ultimate power…my lady has a generous proposition for you…”

“I have no interest in damning thousands of souls just to stand in the sun,” Astarion says, tense. In the back of his mind, he can hear echoes of his conversation with Gale.

How many people would you be willing to betray or let come to harm over this? 

There’s good in you, Astarion, I’ve seen it. 

“What about just one very powerful soul?” Keresta’s words drag him back to the present. “With Selûne’s very essence and the power of hundreds of Moonborn in her veins? What are thousands of weak, meaningless spawn in comparison?” 

“If it’s so easy, why haven’t you ascended yet?” 

“I haven’t had the luxury of gaining the trust of a Moonborn.” She says with a grin. “Or amassing thousands of spawn…” Her hand caresses his leg, nails raking his thigh through his trousers. He flinches. “We could both ascend with a sacrifice that powerful.” 

“This conversation is over.” Astarion growls, pushing away from the table with both hands as he takes his leave. 

“Find me the next new moon if you change your mind!” Keresta calls after him. “And give the Selûnite my warmest regards.” She lets out a high-pitched laugh as he shoves his way out the front door. 

He stalks towards home, grateful for the smell of burning wood that overpowers the usual stench of the Dock Ward. As he approaches Gale’s tower, however, he sees a flicker of flames in the distance. 

Give the Selûnite my warmest regards.  

“Celeste.” He whispers to himself in realization. 

He races down several alleys towards her home. As he approaches, screams and hysterical voices overtake the silence, smoke filling the air. As the house comes into view, he sees tongues of flame lashing against its walls. He approaches a woman frantically shouting outside the home. 

“What’s happened?” He asks breathlessly. 

The woman blubbers incoherently, and Astarion rips his hands away from her with a frustrated curse and runs inside before he can talk himself out of it. 

“Celeste!” He shouts against the sound of splintering wood and the groaning of the walls. The house won’t stand much longer. He rushes up the stairs to her room, barreling through the door. 

He hears coughing and sputtering by the bed and rounds the corner to find her on the floor, clutching at her stomach, blood staining the silk of her white slip. 

“Celeste.” She looks up at him with a mix of shock and relief. 

“Shar.” She chokes out.

“I know.” He says. Her brow furrows in confusion. As his vision adjusts, he sees her grip on the handle of a dagger embedded in her stomach.

“Don’t pull that out-” he starts, but it’s too late. She rips the blade from her skin and throws it aside. It skitters and spins across the floor. 

“It’s fine. It’ll heal quickly.” Her breath hitches as she tries to stand.

“Come here.” He helps her to her feet, wrapping one of her arms around him. 

“How did you know-” she begins with a cough.

“We’ll discuss it later.” He says, searching for an exit.

“No one can see me leave here.” She says, staggering next to him. He knows she’s right. If anyone sees her injuries, they’ll question how she healed so quickly. People will seek a motive and when they discover who did this, they’ll speculate about what was so special about a Selûnite couple and the girl who stayed with them that Sharrans would target them. It’s better if people believe she was never here at all, or that she perished in the fire. 

As they move down the hall, Celeste gasps. 

“Craric, Orina…” she says, looking towards their room. 

“We don’t have time.” Astarion panics as the fire intensifies. 

Why did he run in here in the first place? What was he thinking?

“We can’t leave them!” Celeste sobs. He lets out a frustrated sigh and rushes through the open bedroom door.

As Astarion processes the scene before him, he tries to push her from the room as she enters, shielding her with his height. The couple lie on the bed in a mess of blood: throats slit, eyes wide. 

“Don’t look.” He says, but he can already feel her trembling as she moves around him.

“No…” She is barely audible under the roar of the fire. The hand on her stomach flies to her mouth in shock, a smear of blood left behind her face as she doubles over in pain again. Astarion doesn’t give her a chance to react further. He slings her over his shoulder, ignoring her protests, and sprints downstairs. He jumps over the frame of a large, broken window towards the back of the house before helping Celeste out after him. The glass scrapes against the exposed skin of her hands and legs and rips at her clothes. She winces in pain, but knows they can’t afford to stop. Astarion pulls her by the hand, barefoot, through the spaces between the houses. 

Celeste cautiously steps through the alleyways in silence. Upon arriving at the tower, Astarion lifts her up and escorts her to the kitchen, gently easing her onto the table. He hands her a rag from the counter for her wound and runs upstairs, pounding on Shadowheart’s door. 

“Shadowheart! I know you hate me right now, but I urgently require your services.” The door swings open moments later and a poorly rested Shadowheart squints at him. 

“What’s going on? Why are you covered in blood?”

“No time. Need your help.” He inclines his head towards the stairs and she follows.

“What happened?” She asks, rushing to assess Celeste’s injuries. 

“Sharran attack. They…set fire to her home to conceal the evidence, but I got her out.”

Shadowheart pulls up Celeste’s nightdress to better examine her. Celeste lets out a hiss of pain as the silk snags against the dried blood. Shadowheart mutters a few words over her, a soft blue glow emitting from the space between her hands and Celeste’s abdomen. Astarion forces himself to look away, avoiding the exposed skin of her thighs, the lace of her-

“Astarion, put pressure on this,” Shadowheart commands before rushing back to her room. He obeys, pressing down gently. Thin trickles of blood run down her arms and legs where she cut herself on the window. The scent of her blood makes his throat tighten, and he recalls the bloodroot-fed human Keresta offered him. Even without the drug, Celeste’s blood was nearly just as desirable. He swallows hard, keeping his eyes averted.

“What were you doing there tonight? How did you know it was Sharrans?” Celeste asks Astarion. He can feel her stare burning through him. He considers telling her the truth about his encounter with Keresta, but plays his cards close to the chest for now. Keresta could be a powerful ally. Perhaps he could keep Celeste far from her and find another way to ascend…other sacrifices to make instead.

“I overheard a group of Sharrans talking about an attack at the Blushing Nymph. When I smelled the smoke on the way home, I made the connection,” he says, offering a half truth. An omission, not a lie. 

“What were you doing there?” Celeste asks disdainfully. 

“Drinking, passing time. Doesn’t this hurt? Why are you talking so much?” Astarion asks, finally looking down at her. When he removes the cloth, he notices she’s begun to heal, her knife wound more closely resembling a scraped knee. He tenderly wipes away the blood, feeling his fangs lengthen with desire as he does so. 

“Whoever did this didn’t want me dead yet,” Celeste says, looking down at her body. Astarion’s breath catches, but he still says nothing about Keresta. If he doesn’t let Celeste out of his sight, he can keep her alive until he convinces Keresta of another way.

Shadowheart emerges from upstairs and lays a blanket over Celeste and hands her a set of clean clothes.

“I think we’re about the same size.” Shadowheart says, assessing her. “Although your tits are a bit larger…” Astarion chokes back a laugh and Celeste nods gratefully to the cleric, trying to cut her off before she says anything else. She holds the blanket close around her body. 

“Tell me what happened,” Shadowheart says, shooing Astarion aside as she looks over the healing progress of Celeste’s injury.  

“I came home from the library, fell asleep earlier than usual, woke up with a figure over my bed and a knife in my stomach.” Celeste says, void of emotion. “I suspect they murdered Craric and Orina before the fire.”

“They’re forcing you into the open, hoping you’ll need to rely on someone’s kindness to take you in. You can’t trust any offers.” Shadowheart says. 

“She can stay here.” Gale says, appearing in the doorway. It’s unclear how long he’d been listening. Shadowheart’s gaze lingers on him before turning back to work on Celeste. 

“Impeccable timing, Gale. Shadowheart was just mentioning how no one willing to house Celeste was trustworthy.” Astarion mutters. Gale gives Astarion a skeptical look, as if he’s trying to figure out how he ended up in the middle of this. 

“What are you looking at me like that for? I didn’t stab her.” Astarion says irritably.

“Never said you did.” Gale responds, his voice weary. 

“Both of you out,” Shadowheart snaps. They both obey without argument. “I’ll give you a moment.” Shadowheart says to Celeste, joining the other two in the den.

Celeste slides off the table and pulls on the clothes Shadowheart brought her - a pair of underclothes and a long, black robe that hugs against her curves. Celeste discards her tattered slip and panties in the bin and joins them in the den. Their quiet conversation comes to a halt as they look at her. 

“How are you feeling?” Gale asks. Celeste feels Astarion’s stare roaming her figure. 

“Better.” Celeste feels more exposed than she had in her tattered clothes. 

“Keep the dress.” Shadowheart says, going back upstairs without another word. Gale watches her leave with a pained look before he speaks. 

“Without dwelling on a difficult subject…it could be beneficial to get you out of Waterdeep.” Gale suggests.

Astarion casts Gale a surprised glance. 

“We could get on a ship to Baldur’s Gate as early as tomorrow evening.” Astarion offers eagerly.

“I don’t have any means. The coin I’d kept in my room is almost certainly lost to the fire. I have a vault at the Counting House in the Upper City, but…” Celeste’s eyes shift toward the fireplace. 

“My dear, don’t worry over such things right now,” Astarion steps forward. “I’m more than capable of accommodating you.” He grins with self satisfaction. He’d thieved his way across Faerûn for a year, and it had gone considerably well for him. 

“I’ll leave you two.” Gale says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I really need some damned rest.” 

“Come, dear.” Astarion offers a hand and leads Celeste upstairs. She sits down on the bed as he unbuttons his shirt, shaking off the soot as the smell of smoke fills the room. He throws it in a corner, giving up on saving it. 

“They died because they wanted to help me.” Celeste says quietly. “Craric and Orina.” Astarion wets a sponge in the basin on the dresser and kneels in front of her, cleaning the blood from her legs.

“Were you close?” He inquires, not particularly caring either way, but hoping to alleviate her grief. He pulls her arms toward him, scrubbing at caked blood. 

“Not particularly. We mostly were ships in the night with our schedules. But they were kind. They didn’t deserve that.” She watches the floor. Astarion straightens, setting the sponge aside and placing a hand reassuringly onto her knee. 

“They knew the risks.” He says in his most comforting voice. 

“Do you?” She leers at him. “Does Gale? Shadowheart? Your friends who are taking a risk helping me at all? Because this is the fate of people close to me.” Astarion rolls his eyes and stands, towering over her as he speaks. 

“That’s awfully dramatic, my dear. I assure you, when the risk is too great, you’ll be the first to know.” He offers her a reassuring smile. “You need to rest. This can all wait another day.” She gives him a wary look before lying down.

“Astarion?” she asks quietly as crawls into the bed behind her. 

“Mmm?” He props himself on an elbow, drifting a finger along her arm thoughtfully. 

“Don’t ever do what you did to me in that library ever again.”

He leans forward and murmurs against her ear with feigned disappointment. “You don’t want me to kiss you again?”

“Don’t toy with me. I don’t know your intentions, but I’m tired. Just…whatever you feel about me, whatever your motivations for helping me…I need to know I can trust you. That I’m not some game to you.” Astarion sighs dramatically and pulls her to face him. 

“Don’t make me apologize to someone a second time this evening, dear.” He says softly, running his fingers through her hair. She blinks slowly, enjoying the sensation. 

“I noticed you and Gale were civil again. You listened to me?”

“I did. But I can’t have people thinking I’m receptive to unsolicited advice. I’ll need you to take that secret with you to your grave,” he says with a grin. 

“That could be arranged, if you stay on your best behavior.” Celeste’s demeanor softens. Astarion pulls her lips against his own, hands cradling her face as he kisses her. There’s no urgency, no suggestiveness to the gesture. He pulls away, but doesn’t release her. 

“What was that?” Her voice is just above a whisper, equally surprised and cynical. 

“An apology for such a dreadful evening.” He says, kissing her again as he pulls her closer. He brushes her hair against her face in soft strokes. “And for my part in it.”

[thefandomenchantress]

what's ur favorite aspect of xanvid, acevid, xanace(? if that's their ship name), and the three of them together?

(Warning: TW For discussion of EDs, as well as the fact this is at least a little self-indulgent)

This is such a fun question heh heh heh! I’m gonna have a lot of fun with this one. (Thanks for asking me, by the way).

…

Xanvid:

I know this isn’t too deep or anything, but making ‘Xander is a huge simp for David’ jokes is one of my favorite pastimes while writing these two. I think it’s very funny.

I’ll be completely honest, at first I only shipped Xanvid because I knew most of the fandom did. Mostly because I somehow forgot this scene happened:

And that scene is the one that probably adds the most substance to their relationship, so forgetting about it took away what is probably one of the most important aspects. That being that Xander actually tries to treat David like a person, not a product or a celebrity.

I think Xander and David would probably be good at hyping each other up when they’re down, or providing each other comfort when they’re sad. Seeing as Xander has experience with grief I don’t think he’d push too hard for David to be happy all the time, which is pretty vital.

Acevid:

The more silly aspect I like is the banter. Ace is always great for fun banter because he never shuts up and doesn’t hesitate to state his opinions, at least most of the time. So most characters can have an entertaining back-and-forth with him.

But post-personality-reveal David in particular is fun for me to write, since he acts like such a smug little bastard. His above-average way with words can pretty much make Ace do what ever he wants (or at least in the beginning, when Ace can’t detect his trickery), and usually what he wants is to fluster Ace as much as possible.

But I guess a more serious one would be why I started shipping them in the first place. Both David and Ace’s careers have merged with the rest of their life in one way or another, and in very unpleasant ways. Both are the only two to show distain for their talents in some capacity, (excluding Teruko and sort of Rose, who doesn’t exactly hate her talent as much as she hates that she got caught and is in debt).

Whit says he didn’t share David’s secret because he doesn’t want to ruin David’s career, and when he phrases it like that it seems stupid, but considering the fact David basically built a whole new personality he’s been crafting for years and is the only thing he lets people see, you slowly realize that ruining his career essentially destroys his life. His image has been his primary concern for so long and now it’s forever tarnished. Which does make his sudden move to get everyone killed make a bit more sense, since perhaps David believes his life is essentially over anyway. Without his image and by extension his career, what is he left with?

And something similar could be said for Ace. Being a jockey is dangerous enough as it is, but with the brittle bones that come with an eating disorder like anorexia (which is what I assume Ace has, though I may be wrong), this risk of injury or even death only increases. In fact the mortality rate of anorexia alone is higher than most mental illnesses. So it’s fair to say that despite his fear of death and things that could hurt him in general, Ace is putting himself in a lot of danger to preserve his career as a jockey. His constant trips to the gym seem to indicate his works out a lot to maintain his weight as well. Despite the fact he hates horse-riding, he is risking his life to keep competing. And since he just got outed for having an eating disorder by Veronika, presumably on (inter?)national television, I’d say there’s a very high chance that he won’t be allowed to race again. So not only has his career been thrown away, but what he has dedicated his life to.

This rant is all to say I think that they could relate to each other in this way, and thus understand what the other is going through. They could help each other figure out where to go from here, and that kind of thing.

(This one ended up being really long, whoops…)

Xanace:

I’ve never written anything of just the two of them before, but I still like them as a pairing. Probably because rivals to lovers is one of my favorite things ever (Hence my love of Teruvid).

My favorite silly aspect is probably that the height difference is very funny to me. Xander’s 6’0 and Ace is 5’5 and I can just imagine them doing this thing:

Where the taller person easily holds back the shorter one, who is trying and failing to attack them (Hope you like my stick figure art haha).

Honestly part of the reason why I’ve never written something with just them is because I’m still trying to figure out why they work together. Xander doesn’t have much patience for Ace’s antics, so having them get along would most likely require Ace to tone it down long enough for them to have a heartfelt moment.

I think once they managed to have a bit of an understanding of each other, however, it’d be fun to see Ace of all people have to talk Xander out of getting in fights. Ace may threaten to fight people, but he won’t. Xander, however, has no qualms about being in a fight if he thinks it necessary. And seeing Ace, who has the habit of saying ‘you wanna fight!?’ to people he barely knows, having to stop him would be funny. Because even if Ace won’t admit it he cares about Xander’s well-being and in a fight he’s bound to get hurt.

Xanacevid:

Hmm…I guess I just feel like they kinda balance each other out, y’know? Xander and Ace’s more hotheaded and reckless tendencies can be balanced out by David’s more generally calm demeanor. Ace and David’s pessimism can be balanced out by Xander’s more cheery yet realistic outlook. David and Xander’s lovey-dovey approach is balanced out by Ace being a grumpy tsundere. I’m not great at putting it into words, they just kinda work. To me, at least.

…

Yaaaay I finished! Sorry this took me so long, I had trouble putting into words exactly what I liked about these ships. But thanks for asking I really love talking about stuff like this!!! <3

[itsclydebitches]

Ted lasso ask: Was Isaac avoiding Colin because of internalized homophobia, or bc he was upset he never told him, or was it a bit of both? Did Isaac attack the fan bc he was offended by what he said or to 'defend colin's honor'?

Ted Lasso ask woo!

Personally, I think it's an "All of the above" situation. In one of my previous posts I remember catching a tag arguing that Isaac isn't experiencing internalized homophobia, presumably because he himself is not gay and yeah, that's an understandable push-back considering that a) he's not out in the show and b) I never bothered to explain there my own thoughts on the possibility. The tl;dr of that is, "I think you can make a case for Isaac being queer based on his relationship with Colin, his intense reaction to realizing a teammate is gay, the potentially defensive nature of the anti-gay/'I'm totally straight, bro' jokes he makes - which, remember, Colin himself participated in as a kind of cover, raising the possibility that others are doing the same - and the reminder from Beard that more people in the locker room are queer than the three the audience knows about: Colin, Trent, and Will."

But to keep things simple here, let's just settle on, "Isaac has been homophobic." Whether it's internalized as he grapples with his own sexuality or not, Isaac has exhibited homophobic behavior in the past and, of course, after Colin's outing. It's not "Your conservative uncle spewing slurs and issuing death threats" homophobic, but just because there's a range in how homophobia presents doesn't mean it's not, you know, still homophobia. So that's something Isaac needed to deal with last episode. He's spent years making comments based in homophobia ("It's a little gay, isn't it?") and making assumptions about others presumed straightness (why in the world would Colin want privacy to delete those photos?), so when he's suddenly faced with the fact that someone he cares about is gay... he needs time to process that. Trent hit the nail on the head with his "give him a minute" line because not only do people need time when their worldview suddenly shifts like that, but it's a rare and joyous case where they react to that change solely with open-minded positivity. In Isaac's case, he used avoidance and anger as shields until he could come to terms with that change, significantly with Roy's help.

When Isaac says that he's upset that Colin didn't tell him I don't think he's lying... but I also don't think that's the entire truth. If this was only about Colin's trust in him then Isaac would have led with that from the get-go: seconds after he's taken Colin's phone it's, 'You're gay? Awesome! But man, why didn't you tell me? :( ' That obviously didn't happen. Trust is undoubtedly a part of Isaac's complicated feelings, but I think that only occurred to him after he'd come to terms with Colin being gay in the first place. Isaac had to accept that change in his worldview as well as this change in his perception of Colin and then, once he was in a place of, 'Yeah, yeah, Colin is my friend and teammate, of COURSE I accept him' he's able to go, ]Wait... why didn't he tell me??' and that anger becomes the next shield. By and large, people struggle to admit to their mistakes and they really struggle to admit to something as hurtful as, 'My homophobia was so deeply ingrained that unfortunately there was a moment where I wasn't sure I could get past that.' Once Isaac DOES get past it and it becomes unthinkable to him that he would have ever rejected Colin over something like who he's attracted to... it becomes that much harder to remember/acknowledge that, for an undetermined length of time, Isaac did exactly that. Don't talk to me (ignoring direct peace offerings). Don't touch me (removing his hand from under Colin's in the team pile-up). You're an easy target for my frustrations now that I know how freakish you are (screaming at Colin during the match). Isaac's homophobia was deep enough that it made him incredibly cruel for a time, so when he grows out of that of course he's going to struggle to admit precisely how cruel he was. So he doesn't. Isaac apologizes, but it's still deflected with this not-entirely-accurate justification of, 'I was mad you never told me.' Which doesn't make Isaac a bad person, it just makes him a person, period, with flaws and contradictions and the chance to improve.

All of which I think applies to the attack on the fan. Why does Isaac lash out like that?

Because he's still overcoming all the homophobia he's learned and he sees an accusation of being gay as the ultimate insult to his team

Because he may be struggling with his sexuality himself, so an accusation directed at him is even worse. It's not just that it may touch a nerve, but that anger is the only way to protect himself here: become enraged so that everyone watching - teammates, coaches, fans, the press, the world - knows that you're DEFINITELY not gay. That's unthinkable. That's impossible. That's worthy of an attack because to brush it off would be to implicitly suggest that being gay is okay and that's just one step from admitting that maybe you ARE gay. The fact that Isaac's dialogue is centered around, "What did you call me?" is one of the reasons why I personally read him as closeted/potentially not having questioned his own sexuality yet.

Because it wasn't actually a 'You're gay' accusation but a slur hurled by someone who is (presumably) not a part of the community and therefore has no right to reclaim it.

Because even while he struggles to accept Colin, Isaac still loves Colin so yes, there's that element of defending his honor.

Because his anger is reaching a tipping point and this attack - perfectly tailored to push the very buttons he's trying and failing to ignore - is what causes it to boil over.

So Isaac is complicated (because he's a well-written character!) and thus for me it's "All of the above." Personally, I LOVE that the episode's final scene didn't have Isaac suddenly being a Perfect Ally now. Not only is he asking a ton of questions that, while understandable, would make a lot of queer people uncomfortable af, especially given that they highlight Isaac's continuing biases (Colin is a very good friend for giving him the nonjudgmental space to ask all that), but he's also unable to say "I love you." What exactly does that mean? Perhaps that Isaac's residual homophobia won't let him say that to a man, especially a man he now knows is gay. Perhaps that the toxic masculinity he's grown up around - which is intimately tied to the homophobia - won't let him say it as a man, a black man, a man in a position of authority (note that Isaac is not there when the others scream Sam's, "I love you guys so very much!"). Perhaps it means that there is an element of internalized homophobia and Isaac can't say that to any man yet, let alone one he might be attracted to. Perhaps it's, again, all of the above. It's up to interpretation, but the takeaways is that of course Isaac loves Colin - he's eager to ensure Colin knows that in his own way - but the environment he's grown up in and his own personal struggles won't let him say the words yet. That's okay. Colin recognizes that it's okay, just gently pointing out that Isaac can't say it and silently encouraging him to continue working on that, regardless of what reason - or reasons - it's difficult in the first place.

[arecaceae175]

Febuwhump Day 25: Presumed Dead (Hyrule)

AO3 link. Warnings: blood, injury, torture, captivity, loss of consciousness, thoughts of death and grief. This one's a bit rough.

Continuation of Day 20: Knife Wound (Sky) for @wildsage00. Happy birthday my friend!!!! I hope you enjoy!!! Or that you feel pain, either way >:)

Part 2/5. Part 1. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5.

The roars of the monsters were nearly deafening. There were dozens, all growling and screeching and making as much noise as possible.

“Sky? Are you with us?” 

“Yeah… I’m awake.”

“You need to tell us what happened.”

Hyrule struggled against the binds around his wrists and ankles. The ropes were all pulled taut, stretching each appendage to a separate corner of a large stone slab. 

“They ambushed us. They came out of nowhere. It was almost like…”

“What?”

“It was almost like they were waiting for us.”

His head throbbed viciously. Every noise sent a spike of pain through his skull. The light from the torches was blinding, even as little as there was. The side of his face was slick with blood.

“They were smart. They separated us, first thing. Kept pushing him farther and farther away.”

“How did they know to do that?”

“And why?”

It seemed only the strongest monsters were allowed to approach him. They wanted to make it last, Hyrule guessed. They were enjoying themselves. Of the few he injured in the fight, they all bled black. Normal monsters had never been able to get him, but the intelligence of the infected monsters continued to increase.

“There were too many. There were just enough focused on me to keep me away from Hyrule. They overwhelmed him. There’s no way he could have fought them all off himself. If I had been faster, maybe-”

“None of that. There were too many for anyone. Those thoughts won’t help Hyrule.”

A moblin stepped up to the slab, a cleaved sword in its hand. Hyrule tried to squirm away, but the ropes were too tight. The moblin screeched, spit flying wildly from its mouth, then heaved the sword down into Hyrule’s thigh. 

He screamed. 

“They didn’t hurt him, they just knocked him out. Not a single drop of blood, it didn’t make any sense. They had the weaponry, but they only used clubs on him. As soon as they were sure I wouldn’t follow, they took him and left.”

Blood gushed from his thigh. The pain was muted, indistinguishable from the countless other wounds on his body. Hyrule desperately tried to look away, but the ropes around his throat constricted with every movement. He watched the blood trickle down the stone slab, splashing into the basin below the stone. It was slowly filling. 

“I might know where they took him. He told me once, about… We need to hurry.”

“I can lead us to where they took him. We can go from there.”

“You’re barely on your feet.”

“I can’t sit here while he’s in danger. There’s no time to argue.”

The next strike had his vision darkening. Hyrule grasped to the last strings of consciousness as hard as he could, but he felt himself slipping. Images flashed through his weary mind: burning fields as Ganon retook his empire, innocent people being slain in their homes, monsters running wild through towns.

The other heroes, his brothers, finding his body. Legend falling to his knees, too jaded to shed a tear. Wind having to watch another life be taken, a little more of his youthful innocence slipping from his eyes. Wild being forced to grieve yet another friend. Sky, overcome with guilt.��

“I’m sorry,” Hyrule muttered, and his eyes slid shut.

“We’ll find him, Sky. We’ll get him back.”

[faebriel]

Ur rainduo hunger games au is just chef’s kiss. It’s so good!!!

Like niki and wilbur being friends and then wilbur disappears and she thinks he’s dead but he’s not?? And then she’s like I need to win I need to get him out of here. She’s like I am so angry but I can not show it. Like????? And her burning the forest down really suits her (I’m thinking of her burning down l’mantree) and then she hates fire but her branding is now fire +girlboss and she’s just like noooo no thank u. I’ve seen enough fire in my lifetime.

And wilbur is like a shaken up soda bottle. The lid is on tight but that does not mean that the liquid is calm. All u need is to take the lid off and it will explode everywhere. Yeah.

Anyways i love this au it is so cool!!!!

YEAH niki is such a straightforward character and she doesn't suffer the timewasting and arrogance of politics compared to so many other characters and so when her name gets pulled, she knows her odds of making it are just too low and she can't be bothered bullshitting that. she's not going to get up there and prance around for the cameras and pretend that everything is okay. it's not okay. she's not even a good liar in the first place. she has her parents presumably back home and a few friends in 12 so there's not much she can do, but there's a certain point where she just can't bring herself to participate. and then she finds wilbur, and the entire situation flips.

he is depending on her!! niki made peace with the idea of her own death as soon as her name was called at the reaping but this is an entire tidal wave of emotions that she already cannot compute. like the worst kind of grief and anger and survivors guilt. and if she loses, no one will rescue him. no one will even know he's there. and then that too, that's gonna be her fault. and even then, she gets these flashes of absolute rage...

she's so fucking lucky she has jack as a mentor to remind her of exactly the right way to smile so they can't see how tightly you clench your jaw. hbomb giving her these intricate hand braces so she can't visibly clench her fists when she talks so sweetly about winning the games and going home to her friends and making her district proud. and then she gets back to the tribute living spaces and tears her room apart in a whirlwind of burning anger, and then stays up late putting every stupid knick knack back together in case rumours spread because she needs to keep her reputation as the Sweet, Kind, Nicey Nice Girl from district 12 intact to win over sponsors.

and yea the forest fire is fucking traumatising. i can't remember if this is a canon hunger games thing or if my brain saw some fanon eight years ago and is running with it but i imagine once you win the games they slap all that megahealing shit into you so she wakes up in some private capitol hospital room and, beyond what she even thought was possible, the burns are gone. and she doesn't even know how that works but they must have done a pretty shit job because she can still fucking feel the fire beneath her skin.

you won and you got out! she gets wilbur out. maybe. but it's only really after the games that she realises she's never gonna be able to go home again. she should feel relieved to be alive at least, but all she feels is burning and a miserable, endless pit in her chest instead.

A SHAKEN UP SODA BOTTLE..... you're so fucking right KSHKDHDKD. wilbur is v interesting to me because like.... i think there's a bitter and hurting part of him that still blames himself above anyone else for getting caught. but he's been here for seven years. he has seen some horrible shit happen. wilbur has a tendency for self-hatred but he's not massively easily manipulated until someone is pushing him towards something he already wanted (thinking of how dream treated him in pogtopia.)

i think niki being reaped is a tipping point for him. like, he's not stupid. he's walked into the last seven years of reapings going not niki, and then not niki, not fundy, and then not niki not fundy please god not tommy and so on. and then the worst outcome happens, and niki barely manages to survive but only by swallowing her own voice and going through some terrible shit. wilbur saw that, he got to see it on live TV while pouring wine and retrieving stupidly rich food for stupidly rich people while he remembers arguing with tommy about whether they could eat a possum because at the time, that was their best option. it is one thing for him to be here. he has accepted that as his own fault (even if he probably shouldn't). but shoving niki through the meatgrinder? his kind, clever niki, who (in wilbur's eyes) has done nothing wrong in her entire fucking life? something needs to change, and he will bend steel with his bare fucking hands to make it happen.

now, to figure out how to do all that and actually stay alive.

the thing with wilbur that always stands out to me is that he's a character in motion. he doesn't stop. i think after being captured and having his tongue cut out and being tortured, he would obviously suffer greatly - but he wouldn't stop. his voice meant everything to him, and even though it's physically gone, part of him so venerates its absence that he cannot stop himself from trying to sustain it, to "bring it back", even if it sounds different now. even if it's all locked away in his mind. now, that is where he keeps everything he wants to say. he keeps his mind sharp over those years - reciting the names and birthdays of his friends in 12 so he doesn't forget them, tracing words across the wall when he's supposed to be sleeping so his handwriting stays neat enough to read. he's waiting, he just doesn't know for what.

and then niki is reaped. that's what.

[letthewhumpbegin]

In the Line of Fire - Shadow and Bone

Fandom: Shadow and Bone, Six of Crows Characters: Jesper Fahey, Kaz Brekker Prompt: this was written for day 14 of @juneofdoom. Prompt: "What were you thinking?" Word count: 2198 Warnings: contains descriptions of gunshot wound, self-sacrifice (no character death).

A/N: I know this is a day early, but since I am very short on time tomorrow, I've decided to post this already today. Story can also be found on my AO3 and FF.net (you can find me under Thiswouldbeakick on both sites 😉)

GIF by me

The decision was made in a split-second, and actually more instinctively rather than consciously. Everyone would agree it might not have been the smartest thing to do, but bang in the middle of a shootout, one tends not to make the most rational decisions.

That was why Jesper saw only one way to stop the bullet that was now hurtling towards Kaz: get him out of the way before the round could bury itself in the thief's flesh.

"Get down!" Jesper threw himself at Kaz, effectively tackling him to the ground. Kaz groaned audibly as the both of them landed on the ground and he caught Jesper's full weight on his chest. He needed a moment to get his breath back. This had been a very close call, Kaz knew that all too well. But what he heard next, made Kaz realize this situation had just gotten way worse.

"I-- I'm hit..."

Jesper made a feeble attempt to push himself off of Kaz's chest, but couldn't find the strength and slumped back down. Kaz tried to keep it together, despite his discomfort at large parts of his body being in contact with someone else. Something was clearly wrong with Jesper, and the gunslinger wouldn't be helped if Kaz lost it completely.

The way Jesper limply rolled onto the floor as Kaz gently pushed him off of his chest was all the more reason for concern. "Jesper?" Where Kaz's voice never faltered, it did now at the sight in front of him. Jesper lay on his side, whimpering in pain, and a look of indescribable fear on his face. Something Kaz had never seen in the gunslinger before.

"I'm hit..." Jesper repeated, stammering and gasping for breath. Kaz's eyes hastily roamed over his friend's body. He didn't need long to see the bloodstain on the back of Jesper's grey coat. The wound was halfway between Jesper's shoulder blades and oozing blood. Kaz had seen too many injuries in his life already to know Jesper wasn't walking this off. No, this could easily prove fatal.

"Help me." Jesper's voice cracked as he reached a trembling hand out to Kaz's arm, and for once Kaz let him. Kaz vigorously nodded his head. "Hold on, Jes, hold on."

An involuntary cough rocked Jesper's body, and Kaz startled to see Jesper cough up some blood. They needed to move quickly and get Jesper to a Healer as soon as possible. Jesper's gaze found Kaz's face for just a moment, before his eyes rolled back and he passed out.

Kaz scrambled to his feet. Jesper would pull through this, Kaz would do everything in his power to make sure of that. But he couldn't do that alone. No, he needed the help of the only other person in the world he trusted enough.

Kaz took a deep breath and yelled out as loud as he could. "Inej!"

---

The first time Jesper found a tiny bit of consciousness again, there was a flurry of things happening around him. He heard people moving, conversing in low, yet urgent tones, and he felt hands touching his apparently bare shoulders.

With his consciousness slowly returning to him, so did the pain. It was like his back was on fire, leaving him unable to breath in too deeply, and on the verge of screaming out if he moved even the tiniest muscle.

Jesper opened his eyes just enough to see blurrily through his eyelashes. The dimly lit room he found himself in wasn't familiar to him, and neither were the two middle-aged women hurrying around him. Healers, Jesper presumed. At least, he hoped so, because the pain to his back was excruciating and he had never felt so weak as right now.

Jesper whimpered, making a very feeble attempt to move. "Kaz?" His mind, still foggy with only half his consciousness returned to him, suddenly fed him the last images he remembered from before blacking out, and why he had taken a bullet in the first place. "Don't worry about him now." One of the Healers pressed a gentle hand onto Jesper's back, urging him to lie still. But instead of calming him, it only made Jesper more worried and panicked.

"Kaz." His friend's name rolled of Jesper's lips in another half-conscious, frightened whimper. Again those hands trying to be gentle as they held him down. "No..." Jesper moaned. Tears of pain and fear made their way into his eyes. "Kaz... I need to see him. Why won't you tell me if he's alright?"

Jesper was just about to completely lose himself in his fear, when he heard the sound that finally managed to calm him somewhat: the sound of a cane on the wooden floor.

"I'm fine, don't you worry about me." Kaz slowly limped into Jesper's line of sight. He didn't look as composed as usual, but at least he was up and walking. "Let the Healers help you, Jesper."

Jesper finally relaxed, and immediately found himself on the brink of passing out again. He had never before experienced pain like this, and his exertions of just now certainly hadn't made that better. With a last strand of consciousness, Jesper looked past the Healers at Kaz standing a few feet behind them. He stood with both gloved hands resting on his cane, an expression on his face one did not often find there: concern.

Kaz's eyes locked with Jesper's, and he minutely dipped his head once. It was a small movement, but Jesper caught it and knew what it meant. Kaz took care of business, Kaz would take care of him, and whenever he did you were in good hands.

Jesper's muscles lost all their strength as he gave in to the Healers and disappeared into unconsciousness once again.

---

When Jesper awoke again, he immediately knew where he was. Without even opening his eyes, he knew he was back in the Barrel. The sounds and smells were unmistakable and he recognized them out of thousands.

But what he couldn't quite place was the soft surface he lay upon and the warm blankets he felt all around him. One didn't easily find these things in the Barrel, and a twinge of fear settled back in Jesper's chest. Was he really safe right now?

Jesper very slowly opened his eyes. A frown creased his brow as he found himself almost face to face with a golden-colored crow's head. He was about to blame it on the fogginess of his mind, when he realized he was staring at the handle of Kaz's cane, which stood leaning to the side of the bed Jesper found himself in.

Jesper slightly lifted his head off the pillow to look past the crow's head. If his cane was here, Kaz must be, too.

And indeed. He found Kaz sitting, slightly slouched down, in a comfortable chair a few feet beside the bed, fast asleep. One elbow rested on the armrest of the chair, while his hand supported his head as he slept. His face peaceful for once, and his entire body relaxed.

Jesper blinked sluggishly a few times. He had never actually seen Kaz asleep before, and the sight was strangely off to him. There had been rumors going around the Barrel for years that Dirtyhands never slept. Jesper was never quite able to prove those rumors wrong, although he was rational enough to know they couldn't be true, but he now had to unequivocally conclude that Kaz slept just like anyone else.

But was Kaz alright? Jesper could see the slow rise and fall of his chest, so he didn't really look on the brink of death, but Jesper still worried. Kaz was a star at hiding the things that bothered him, especially when it came to injuries. Jesper only vaguely remembered Kaz ensuring him he was alright back at the Healer's, but he needed confirmation on that again.

"Kaz..." Jesper mumbled as loud as he could get his voice after it not being used in a while. Kaz didn't even stir. "K-Kaz." Jesper slightly moved and he instantly felt the searing pain between his shoulder blades from where he had been shot. He winced loudly, his hands tightly gripping the edge of the bed. In his somewhat uncontrolled movement, Jesper knocked over Kaz's cane, which fell to the floor with a loud clatter.

Kaz nearly jumped a foot into the air, waking abruptly with a gasp he did his best to suppress. He looked around in confusion for a moment, before he locked eyes with Jesper. They held each other's gaze, until Kaz bent down to pick up his cane off the floor. He set it in front of the chair he sat on, resting both hands on the handle.

"Welcome back," Kaz finally spoke. "Tell me you're alright." Jesper demanded before Kaz could say anything else. His voice was still croaky and hoarse, but Jesper couldn't care less about that now. All he wanted was real confirmation that Kaz had come out of the shootout unscathed.

"I already told you." Kaz's spoke flatly, brow creasing into a frown. "I know you, Kaz," Jesper mumbled weakly, "you hide any injuries you have when one of us is injured. You want us to be alright before you even begin to think about yourself." Kaz shifted uncomfortably in his chair, the wood creaking softly as his muscles tensed. "How do you know?" "You're not the only one making observations," Jesper answered, "so tell me, truthfully, are you alright?" Kaz nodded sincerely. "Yes." Jesper sighed in relief. Kaz wasn't hurt, so at least he hadn't taken a bullet for nothing.

An uncomfortable silence hung in the air for a short while. Even though he was only half awake, Jesper effortlessly sensed Kaz had something he wanted to speak about. The thief sat staring at his own hands resting on his cane in front of him. A hard, yet unreadable look on his face. Jesper knew that look. It meant Kaz's brain was working overtime, and Jesper could easily deduce that would have something to do with the events of the shootout.

Finally, Jesper had had enough. "Just speak whatever's on your mind," he sighed. Kaz's gaze flickered onto Jesper, but the expression on his face didn't change. "What were you thinking?" Kaz spoke softly, but his tone was unforgiving. "When?" Jesper answered sarcastically, "I have many thoughts." "Don't take me for a fool, Jes." For a heartbeat Dirtyhands surfaced, before Kaz's expression immediately softened a little again. "I know you threw yourself in front of that bullet. And I also know that, if you hadn't, it would have struck me." "It would have killed you," Jesper corrected. Kaz slightly cocked his head to one side, mulling those words over. "And instead it nearly killed you."

Jesper was caught off guard by that comeback and hesitated before he spoke again. "Well, maybe... I didn't entirely think it through." "Why do it at all?" Kaz shrugged non-understandingly. "Half of Ketterdam would be celebrating my death." Jesper chuckled softly, before his tone turned very serious. "Kaz, I... I know you don't give a kruge about yourself, and many people would indeed rather see you dead, but there's also still people out there that do care about you... I care about you."

The usual frown on Kaz's brow deepened even further. His lips parted slightly and he took a breath as if he meant to say something, but finally settled upon just a deep exhale. "Just-- don't ever do that again," Kaz eventually spoke. A small smile tugged at the corner of Jesper's mouth. "Sure, boss."

Jesper shifted minutely under his covers. His back ached uncomfortably. The Healers had healed the wound, but his body still had a lot of recovering to do. He felt fatigued, out of strength, and like he could sleep for days on end. Apparently, Kaz had seen it, too. "I'll leave you to get more rest," he said solemnly.

Jesper watched Kaz slowly get to his feet. He couldn't help but notice how Kaz winced at the seemingly extreme stiffness in his bad leg, and how he leaned on his cane even heavier than usual.

"Exactly how long have you been sitting at my bedside?" Jesper frowned suspiciously. "You've been out for over a day, so..." Kaz admitted reluctantly, "more than a day." Jesper blinked a few times in surprise. Not only for hearing he had apparently been unconscious for more than a day, but more so that Kaz had refused to leave his side all that time.

Kaz walked a few paces, before looking back over his shoulder, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes and a smirk playing on his lips. "You're not the only one who needs to make sure their friend is alright." Jesper chuckled. A pleasant warmth settled in his chest at seeing this side of Kaz. It was rarely glimpsed, but there definitively was a sensitive side to him after all.

"Thank you," Jesper said sincerely, "for helping me." "Don't get used to it," Kaz answered with a grin. And Jesper immediately knew: if it ever came to it again, Kaz would help him no matter what.

Useful Links Section | Writing Masterlist Make a request from my prompts list

[heartlessbella]

headcanons;

A proper look into the witch that is BELLATRIX BLACK.

Birthday: What’s their astrological sign? Are they a birthday party person, wanting to be the center of attention like a Leo? Are they as emotional as they say Cancers are? Or maybe they’re meticulous like a Virgo but they fall on that cusp of being a Libra, how does that affect them?

Born at 6:17am on the 19th of April in 1951, Bella’s star sign is an Aries and boy does she live up to every aspect of an Aries. She is bold, passionate, and very outspoken. She does not care if her opinions have fallen on deaf ears because she is going to say what she wants and will push others to view things her way. If she truly cared to look more into the stars and her astrological signs, she’d find that she is a Tarus rising as well. Those with a Tarus rising are known to be strong, persisten, and slow to change which is reflected heavily on her blood purity opinions. Raised on the belief she is better simply because her blood is pure is a belief that has never wavered in Bella, in fact it has only intensified as she joined the Death Eaters and began to work with the Dark Lord. Along with her rising sign, she would be shocked to discover her moon resides in Virgo. A Virgo moon is shown in her ability to keep things in order as a servant to the Dark Lord, reigning in the chaos that is the rest of the Death Eaters when they act out of turn but also being a strong leader of bringing the chaos to the front lines when needed.

Wand OR Claws: From day one, we were told the wand chooses the wizard, so what wand chose them? Is its core a dragon heartstring or a unicorn hair? Maybe made of Elm wood, the possibilities are endless. On the other hand, if you are applying for a character who is not someone who would possess a wand, for example a vampire, we would like to hear more about their experiences during a full mood. Are they the type to hide away their creature side when the moon is high and bright? Or are they hiding amongst the shadows, embracing their inner creature of the night?

A 12 3/4″ Walnut, Dragon Heartstring, and slightly flexible. It comes as no surprise that the core that called out to Bella that day in Ollivander’s would be one susceptible to the Dark Arts. Walnut wands usually find their match in an intellectual sorcerors and will be loyal to their owners, performing spells without any hesitation which makes for a lethal weapon in the hands of a wizard without a conscience. It is yet to be known to her but Bella is quite the unhinged individual. A dragon heartstring wands is said to learn spells at a rapid pace but it is also known to be quite tempermental, which although she’ll deny it, matches Bella perfectly. The flexibility could not be farther from her personality, unfortunately she is someone who was raised to firmly believe in her parents’ values and has not strayed far from their rhetoric. The length of her wand speaks to Bella as a person, average on its own but when mixed with presumed darkness, can come across as extremely powerful.

Despite the love and care she has for her wand, Bella has mastered quite a skill for wandless magic. Never to go anywhere without it, she keeps it hidden on her person to pull out at a moment’s notice but more often than not relies on her wandless skills in her day to day life.

Amortentia: What do the smell when the potion is brewed? Is there a smell that represents a particular memory from their childhood? Or maybe there’s a scent that is strictly them, maybe a shampoo or perfume their wear daily. Maybe there’s a mysterious smell they have yet to discover but is connected to their future endeavors.

It is rare she is in need of brewing Amortentia but in Hogwarts she had been quick to perfect her potion making skills long enough to catch a whiff. The first clear scent she could depict was that of smoke from dying fire, the memories she holds close of the times when she would huddle around the fireplace with her sisters when they were ushered away from their parents’ dinner parties and left to their own devices. A time when her sisters looked to her for guidance for everything and she took comfort in teaching them the ways of their world. The next scent she could catch was that of oak and cinnamon of firewhisky, a drink her father would always take in his study whenever they would meet to discuss the Dark Lord’s plans. The two of them would often share a glass as they discussed their new vision of the world under the Dark Lord’s rule. At the time, she could never quite place the third scent, as it smelt of men’s cologne and she knew for certain it wasn’t her fathers. She had thought it may have belonged to someone she associated with often but it wasn’t until she was requested to take up residence in the Dark Lord’s home that she realized what she had been smelling. It was a amber and musk mixture, expensive for sure, but somewhat comforting. A scent that invaded her senses from the very minute they sat down to discuss her success in recruitment and has continued to follow her wherever she goes.

Boggart: Time to take a look around at those deeper and darker workings of your characters. Do they fear facing their parents after a failed exam, or worse explusion from school? Or it is hearbreaking as facing the realities of the upcoming war?

While she would like to say she’s fearless and invincible, Bella knows that is far from the truth. Everyone fears something and Bella found out during her sixth year DADA class just what her deepest fear was. When faced with the boggart, the witch watched it turn into herself. A quick glance at the reflection she could see a skinnier version, clothes more rugged than she’d ever wear in her life and she was curious as to why such a bland image was her fear. Until the silence was shattered with the words falling from her boggart’s mouth. You’re a disgrace. An embarassment to the family. Choosing to befriend blood traitors and mudbloods. Turning her back on her true family. The sentences beginning to blur into the same thing: being discarded like her good for nothing cousin Sirius. Knowing she failed her family, being thrown away like she was nothing, all her hard work and loyalty it was all for nothing. It is a fear she never wants to see come true which is why she has thrown herself into her recruitment and spreading of the Dark Lord’s rhetoric.

Patronus OR No Patronus: The memory has to be a strong happy memory to produce the Patronus charm, some are so strong they take the form of a corporeal animal. What animal represents your character the most? Are they represented by a dog like Ron or maybe a stag like Harry, we’d like to hear more. Or maybe they can’t find the happiness to create the charm at all. These are dark times they are living in, happiness is harder to find, so please tell us more about how they are feeling? Have they ever been able to produce a corporeal animal or have they even gotten a wisp of light before? Or has it been a charm they never believed they’d be able to cast?

Maybe once upon a time Bella would be able to produce a corporeal patronus, when the darkness hadn’t taken over her completely. Even in her school years, it was a very rare thing for her to be able to do, much to her annoyance and frustration. She could never find the right happy memory to use for the spell and so she stopped trying. What use would she have for a patronus charm if she had been working towards getting the dementors as her ally for the Dark Lord. In an ideal world, maybe she could have pulled at any memories she had with her younger sisters, maybe their was a happier time in her childhood that held a strong enough emotion to produce something. Maybe, just maybe, if given the chance to master a spell she’d find her patronus to be that of a cheetah. Quick to achieve anything she wanted and ready to use whatever means necessary.

[heavenbled]

god. so sao wanted to be an iron lord because it meant she would be able to use her power to protect, when all around her it was used for tyranny. she just wanted to help, man, especially when she's witnessed all the unnecessary death and grief the light and ghosts and the darkness and the horrors have brought to those around her.

in the waaaaay early days, sao was fairly weak and really couldn't protect her small group of people. she wasn't a warlord, but she roamed in secrecy with a band of nomads; they tended to stick to the shadows but they would also not stay in one place for too long. ever, lest basically be risking death.

and then there was a turf war between her and another risen, presumably a warlord; back when little old sao didn't even know how to summon even a spark of her light. girl really tried her best though, god she fought that warlord with everything she fucking had. but even with all the adrenaline and strength her pack gave her, she wasn't anywhere near a match for the risen's strength. and in the end she perishes, but rather than killing her ghost - the warlord massacres the pack instead. a final message.

when she's brought back, it's a message that of her greatest punishment will not be death, but living with the fact that she will never be strong enough to save the ones closest to her. and so basically time skip to some time later, literal disney montage of her growing into herself and sudden mid song glow up, she hears of a band called the iron lords. how they were traveling about earth and actually using their light for good. helping people. pushing back the darkness in every sense possible.

sao loses her shit because holy fuck, so she wasn't just incredibly weak and defective for being the way she thought and acted. on top of oh HELL yeah i was right. not all lightbearers are evil. she gives everything to go seek them out, and when she does u know for a damn fact this was the most suave shit she's ever done in her life. just sits down next to efrideet and jolder in a tavern, buys them a few drinks, and honest to god challenges them. sao's no match for the both of them, although girl stood her damn ground for a good while. a longer time than the rest of the tavern thought, atleast. in a way she knew she was 100% going to lose, and she was cocky about it to a certain degree. it helped bring her down a bit. basically they bring her down to her knees and she accepts the loss with honor. a bow in a salute, and then sao looks efrideet dead in the eye and says she would do anything to become the sword to swing to protect the innocent. her conviction sets the edges of her frame alight in solar light, but it burns blue and sets her own eyes ablaze. because goddamn her pack is the only thing that she can think of when she says that, all that horror and pain at their unnecessary murders making her near tremble with every word. it's enough for them.

lady sao is born, and man does she live up to her promise. kingslayer is a sword of legend, and her fiery light and personality's enough to warm up the coldest of rooms. she has a big laugh, even bigger ego, and the skill to prove it. she became really, really fucking good with hand to hand and can do anything with a knife. u kno what im sayin. this sword is good at mowing shit down, and whenever she needs to throw it or ditch it for even a moment, these hands are being THROWN

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

This is my issue with ATYD as well. At the time I tried to read ATYD, it was early in my fanfic days and I only had a mild disdain for Wolfstar as a ship because it didn't make sense to me then (makes even less sense to me now, but I digress).

Considering how popular ATYD is, I gave it a go. I really, really tried and got a good 1/3-1/2 ish way through before I had to walk away because I did not like Remus's characterization. I ended up writing a post about the characterization issue, and my other experiences with Marauder era fics, pointing out exactly what @acewitch-writes identifies above:

Atyd Remus is an OC with the same name who, yes, has some anger issues, and is nuanced and incredibly well-written, but he is NOT Remus and at no point throughout the story becomes Remus. The part that really sealed the deal for me was when Dumbledore arrived to invite Remus to teach at Hogwarts, and Remus was openly hostile and rude to this man that, canonically, is Remus' personal hero and infallible moral compass. ("Well, he's not my fucking brother.")

The child Remus of ATYD cannot possibly become the adult Remus of canon. It's just not happening. I peaced out of ATYD because Remus's characterization was driving me crazy. It's well written, and it's got a lot of love put into it, but that 'canon compliant' tag on it just didn't sit right with me.

Remus absolutely CAN get angry. He can and he does, and interestingly, he only blows up in certain individuals' company. When we see him at his angriest in canon, it's because of super stressful situations:

PoA: Remus just found out that Peter is the traitor, Sirius is innocent. He's ready to murder Peter on the spot.

OoTP: off-screen. Sirius tells Harry that Remus has a lot of things to say about Umbridge. Presumably negative ones, because Umbridge is very anti werewolf.

DH: Remus thinks there's a traitor/spy because the Death Eaters knew about moving Harry. He gets angry at Harry for not being more lethal. (He is upset and he's looking upset when he's with Tonks, but notice that he does not blow up at her in the hospital wing when she declares her love for him, nor does he blow up at her at any point in the canon text).

DH again: Remus gets SUPER angry when Harry refuses his help for the horcrux hunt. Remus physically lashes out at Harry for being called a coward. That is the absolute angriest we see Remus in the whole series.

But think of other characters getting angry - they do it all the time! Harry is ALL CAPS ANGRY in OOTP. Ginny gets mad and pouts. Hermione gets furious at Ron and Harry. Ron gets angry. Sirius is angry. So so many characters get to be angry at all sorts of things, but Remus is only angry when he's pushed to his limits.

Remus would never, ever, ever lash out at Dumbledore. Remus practically worshipped the ground Dumbledore walked on. If Remus is going to be angry at Dumbledore, or anyone he really loves or trusts, it's because something extremely stressful and traumatic is happening to him.

Child Remus is a little wimp, a tiny wet kitten who is so desperate for love and affection that he'll let his friends get away with almost anything. If Remus got angry at any point in school, it was when Sirius tried to feed Snape to him as a 'prank.' That anger probably fueled his suspicions for why Sirius could've been a spy, and why Remus never once bothered to consider Sirius's innocence.

Let Remus be angry, yes, but only when he's been pushed to the absolute limit of what he can handle emotionally, and make the stakes high enough.

As a self-appointed canon Remus defender, I agree that Remus can be angry. It would be insane to suggest that a human being is incapable of expressing the perfectly natural human emotion of anger.

But the issue arises from turning that anger into a defining character trait, or when his anger isn't balanced and nuanced. If belittling/insulting his friends or exploding with rage is Remus' first instinct in any difficult situation in a fic, then he is OOC. Which may be suitable depending on the AU! I have written him with an angry streak myself, I'm not opposed to the idea of letting Remus be angry. But we should at least be able to acknowledge that this is OOC for Remus, who rarely expressed outward anger even in some very stressful situations.

My main qualm with atyd in particular is the fact that it touts itself as "canon compliant", eeeeexcept for the tiny fact that the main character's entire backstory was dramatically changed, which in turn affected his entire characterization. The fic even made a point to skip over every established canon scene because it would have made it very clear that atyd Remus and Canon Remus have little in common (except one scene briefly in the Shack where Remus uses special werewolf powers to read Sirius' mind to work out the whole secret keeper switch, using the very same technique that Sirius' mother often used to abuse him, this being their FIRST INTERACTION after 12 years apart, but I digress)

Atyd Remus is an OC with the same name who, yes, has some anger issues, and is nuanced and incredibly well-written, but he is NOT Remus and at no point throughout the story becomes Remus. The part that really sealed the deal for me was when Dumbledore arrived to invite Remus to teach at Hogwarts, and Remus was openly hostile and rude to this man that, canonically, is Remus' personal hero and infallible moral compass. ("Well, he's not my fucking brother.")

I also strongly disliked the way Sirius was scapegoated heavily at the end, made to apologize to Remus and grovel for his affection after spending 12 years in Azkaban while Remus was living a rather cozy life in comparison with his muggle lover in the flat that Sirius paid for. I remember waiting for Remus to apologize too, AND HE FUCKING NEVER DID

Disclaimer: I enjoyed atyd as a standalone AU with canon elements. It was beautifully written and the author clearly put so much time, effort, and love into writing it. I honestly really liked Remus in it, I just can never see him as superior to my beloved Canon Remus and I hate this fandom for bullying those of us who chose not to canonize a popular fanfic.