#or nezha is an uncle either one really

[capeta]

Babysitting

[ryin-silverfish]

LMK Fanfic: The Wild Son

AO3 Mirror

Nezha-centric one-shot. Or, "how the Third Lotus Prince learns to stop worrying and enjoy the exploration of death."

CW for suicide and extensive discussions of it. Similar to my previous story, this is very FSYY-inspired, which is shorthand for "pretty fucked-up".

Y'know, with the novel's version of Nezha's suicide being the most graphic and all.

...

The Devaraja of the North has a wild son, who bows not to his father, only the Buddha. The Buddha knows of his stubborn unreason, and sets upon his father's left hand, a pagoda.

——Su Zhe, "Nezha"

Over the years, he had really come to loathe That Look. 

You know, when these brats (technically, all mortals are kids to him) learned of his suicide and just gaped at him in wide-eyed horror. Usually followed by an "I'm so sorry" or "It's not your fault" or the slightly less grating "Man, your father sucks."

Duh, Dragonhorse Girl. Duh. But anyone who talked shit about Li Jing was in his good books, and he could at least appreciate Mei's straightforward nature.

Still, whatever prior impressions he left, he knew he was now seven years old and hurting again in their eyes, and would never stop being so. 

And it drove him nuts, because 1) it didn't even hurt all that much, and 2) why is offing yourself suddenly such a big deal? Apart from some ol' Confucian bores' rants about unfilial conduct, no participants in the War of Investiture had ever batted an eye at his death and resurrection; the problem was with what he did immediately afterward.

That said, death in the War of Investiture wasn't final, logical, or that big a deal either, until it suddenly was. 

...

Unlike killing, death didn't get less confusing even after you've kicked the bucket once. Nor was spending your time as a spooky ghost and getting your godhood rudely interrupted helpful, when it came to understanding the boundary between gods and ghosts, and how some people could come back but not the others.

Well, according to The Patricidal 7-years-old's Guide to Death and Deification:

People die when they get killed.

At which point they turn into a ghost, and float around going "Woe is meeeeee!" for a while before moving on to their next lives.

Unless they don't want to move on. In that case, they just haunt the living out of spite, and to get free stuff.

But wait! If enough people treat the ghost like a god and give them offerings, they'll become one and...dunno, make a new body outta faith or something. 

If someone's name is on The List, it's totally okay to kill them because they'll become gods after death.

Wait, isn't that dragon prince's name on The List too? Then why is his dad so angry when he killed him?

And sometimes, a Daoist master just pops a pill into the recently dead guy's mouth and they are alive again.

It took him a surprisingly long time to realize that The List was not all it's cracked up to be, and was basically the Poor Man's Godhood. Or that knowing someone would come back in the end didn't make their absence hurt any less. Or that they could come back, but would remain forever out of reach, shackled by the duties of godhood and the chains of causes and consequences. 

And even when a quick resurrection was possible, every death scarred the soul, making it fray and tear at the seams. Seven was the maximum. After dying and coming back seven times like poor Senior Uncle Jiang Ziya, not even The List could take your soul without it exploding into a billion little ghostfires that had more in common with ambience Qi than any living spirits.

He wondered if his inability to understand this fuss around offing yourself had something to do with a scar, too. 

But which one? Was it the first and most gruesome one, where returning your flesh and blood also meant ripping out the itty bitty pieces of souls that were embedded in them, clinging to your father and mother like muscle membranes on a bone? Was it the one that looked like an ugly crack on a gilded statue, widening, spreading, until it shattered altogether? Was it not a single scar, but a bunch of little holes in his essence, like wormbites on a leaf, or a pool of oozing sludge left by the Blood-melting Knife?

Assuming he still had a soul in the first place, of course. Maybe instead of a soul, there's only one huge patch of scar tissue where his three souls and seven spirits used to be, red and fibrous and angry. 

Yeah, try pulling *that* out of his body with a spell, suckers.

...

A popular god gains new domains like new year gifts. Namely, you seldom receive the ones you want, are stuck with the ones you were tired of, and have no idea where that pile over there even came from.

Sun Wukong shared a domain with him as the protector of youth, a fact he was strangely okay with. He took the silly and mischievous ones, while Nezha dealt with the moody, rebellious ones. An amicable arrangement, as far as dispute between overlapping domains went; were they ever to switch places, the result would be a disaster.

This, however, was when a joint operation would be really helpful.

Alas, he had no such luck. So here he was, sitting in the Megapolis Children's Hospital's inpatient ward, next to a girl with owl-like eyes and tubes inside her nose, who asked him "Being dead, what does that even mean?"

...

Nothing, 'cause it's something that happens to other people. That was how he would have answered this question, back when he was still a real kid, and not an 18-foot-tall immortal plant construct who could choose to look like a kid.

He did wish people would recognize him as something other than "god of youth", though. Or realize his older forms existed too. Somehow, when Jinzha's master appeared as a little boy with five hair buns, people didn't stop worshipping Old Dude Wenshu or Graceful Bodhisattva Wenshu, but one too many adaptations later, Nezha was just THE Kid God, and not also the Three-headed Six-armed War God of Setting Things On Fire. 

Bah.

But this was about Nezha the human (was he ever human, though, with the whole Spirit Pearl thing?) and Nezha the kid, not Nezha, Marshal of the Central Altar. Who didn't quite realize death was real, as in, a thing you should try to avoid for both yourself and others, and had been told that it was his destiny to dish out death to people in some epic upcoming war.

Master Taiyi, bless the old immortal, was a perfect case of someone who clearly cared so much, yet still managed to fuck up so badly.

For all his grudges against Jinzha's master (less about the whipping, and more about his damn cat killing the Jade Emperor), Wenshu made some good points: You did not tell a kid that you would protect him from all the consequences of his actions, then set him loose and expect him to not wreak havoc on unintended targets.

...

"What do you mean?"

He'd admit, this was not his finest hour. You weren't supposed to answer a question with a question, at least not in a way that didn't make you seem all mysterious and wise.

"I..." She trailed off. "I mean, I feel dead people all the time. Brushing past me, being all chilly and stuff. Since I'm gonna be joining you guys soon, I just wanna know...how it's like." The corner of her mouth twitched; either a grimace, or an attempt at smiling. "And you feel nicer than the others. Warmer, too."

He was no god of medicine, no matter how much he wished he could be one right now. Yet he could see the flames of her three souls, dimming with every passing second, as well as the blocks in her Qi flow, with one right behind her eyelids. Her sight was already gone, and in a week, these flames would go out entirely.

Sickness, he could heal, but not a passing ordained by the Book of Life and Death. As tempting as it was to pull a Sun Wukong, if he was to remove the name of one person, what was stopping him from removing another? And another? Before he knew, he'd be striking the name of every good person off it, and only chaos could result from that.

His gaze shifted to a small charm, fastened onto the bedframes with red strings. Made of peachwood, glowing gently in his vision, accompanied by the wisps of a prayer. Please watch over her, and take away her pain. Please don't let her face this alone.

Slowly, he extended a hand towards her, a tiny spark of pink flame dancing on his fingertip. If there were still ghosts in this room that hadn't fled when he first came in, they were definitely gone by now, as the darkness dispered in a surge of Yang-aligned Qi. 

"...Wow." She visibly relaxed, with a sigh. "Thanks." 

"No problem."

"Are you...also a kid, when you...you know? You sound like one."

"Yeah. But I've been dead for a long time. Long before this hospital was built." He let out a dry laugh. "I guess you could say I'm a professional at this whole 'death' thing."

"Huh. I thought after a while, people just...move on."

"They do, if they aren't trying to avoid the ghost cops. The Heibai Wuchang," he said. "Nowadays, they dress like cops too, but they show up for everyone, to take them to the Underworld. Not just bad ghosts that need to be arrested."

"What's the Underworld like?"

"Dunno. Never been down there." This was partially true. At the time of his death, the Underworld bureaucracy did not exist yet. Most of his knowledge of its workings came from chatting with Huang Tianhua, whose father was deified as the King of Mt.Tai, former head of the Ten Kings. "But you seem like a good egg, so they would send you straight to the Naihe Bridge, and onto your next life."

"That's...good to hear," she said. "I wanna know more about the, uh, ghost part, though. Does it stop hurting when you die? I've been...hurting for so long, I'm starting to forget what it's like, before...this."

"Yeah, the pain stops," he answered, "but so does everything else. You just stop feeling things altogether. Smell, touch, warm and cold and all that jazz." He paused. "Being a ghost is very, very boring."  

"And you still don't wanna go with the ghost cops?"

"Well, I killed myself, and that gets you stuck in the City of Wrongful Death." He blurted out, before realizing that this was the worse moment to be honest, and braced himself for the awkwardness to come. 

"Sounds like an awful place." 

"Pretty much. They said it was just full of depressed ghosts, being depressing together," he chuckled. "Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. I think I'll pass."

"Glad I didn't...go through with it, then." She said, then quietly added, "I nearly did, when the pain got too much, and the cost just kept rising."    

Well, that wasn't quite what he expected. But he wasn't too surprised, either.

...

They thought his suicide was an act of despair. It was insulting, honestly. Both to the strength of his will and spite, and his unconventional problem solving skills.

See, when people said that your body and skin and hair were given to you by your parents, the implicit message was So you can't do anything to them, and They own you, every bit of you, and above all, Obey. 

You weren't supposed to give them back, not so flippantly. Yet it was the simplest, most obvious solution, in the same way beating up the dragon king who tried to sue you was. (Guess he really was Taiyi's student.)

At the heat of the moment, it was quite thrilling. Almost liberating. Like a snake shedding its skin, a baby bird breaking out of its eggshells. As the raging storm and roaring tides drowned out Fate and Destiny's ever-tolling bells, for a second, he really felt like this was the end. 

No more Spirit Pearl, no more unruly child, woe of his mother, doom of his lineage. No more Li Jing, no more questionable advices from Taiyi, no stupid dragon kings, and none of that Vanguard of the Zhou Army crap. Just a kid sacrificing himself, laughing and laughing until he chocked on his own blood. 

Just Nezha.

But obviously, things didn't end here. Death rarely was the true end, nor did it tie things up neatly, like cutting through a knot with a sword. It was more akin to what you got when you broke a lotus root in half, full of sticky, near-invisible threads, stretching on and on between the scattered pieces.

...

Believe it or not, this wasn't the first time he had to deal with suicide, kids, or suicidal kids. Especially after gaining one of his more recent domains. He is the protector of all young people, regardless of who they fancy or whether their bodies match their souls, it was just that those who didn't fit the common denominator tended to get a lot of shit for existing. 

(As annoying as the "Third Princess" nickname was, he had no problem with people finding strength and comfort in his legends, in severing ties, defying norms, and blossoming inside a changed body. After all, that was what gods were; a mirror that reflected the worshippers' beliefs and needs back at them.)

A few decades ago, he was summoned by a teen, standing on the bank of a river, holding a stick of incense. Dunno where, just that it was a Hokkien-speaking area and one of his temples was nearby. 

They gave him a hopeful look when he showed up, emerging out of the water like an actual lotus plant, yet remaining miraculously dry. As hopeful as someone in their circumstance could manage, at least.

"Is it okay if I ask you to curse my parents?" 

"If that's what you want, you are praying to the wrong god," he replied. "And the kind of gods who accept such requests will make you pay a price you are never ready for."

"Damn. Guess I'll just have to come back and haunt them myself, then." 

They knelt down to stick the incense into the mud, then started wading their way into the shallows. He sighed, and they were promptly dragged back by his red sash, struggling furiously.

"Let go of me!" They screamed, muddy water splashing beneath their sneakers. "W-Why? I don't get it! Why are YOU stopping me? You, of all gods! The child who hacked himself to pieces, and tried to kill his asshole dad——"

"And got a burning pagoda dropped on him for his troubles." He said flatly. "Need I remind you that it all took place a thousand years ago, and I'm no longer out for his blood?"

"Oh, so they'd beaten it out of you! Good for you, I guess." They snapped. "But not me. Why would you even care if a freak like me died or not?"

"gin-na, you just admit you are gonna become a vengeful spirit. And I literally have 'subduing demons and harmful spirits' in my job description. So maybe, maybe, I'm gonna have a problem with that?"

"Even if they totally have it coming?" They retorted. The first two buttons of their collars had come loose in the struggle, exposing the ugly patch of bruised purple around their neck, as well as implications of worse things. "I thought gods were all for karmic justice."

"Especially if they have it coming," he said. "Which is why I'm stopping you. It's not gonna work."

"What does that even mean?"

"Ugh. Look. Suppose I let you drown, without alerting any ghostly officials. Suppose that you come back, haunt your parents night and day, and don't get yourself exorcised. Suppose that you inflict on them the same torment you were subjected to, and drive them to madness or some other gruesome ends." He said. "Then what? What are you gonna do afterwards?"

"I'll just...move on, I guess."

"To do that, you 'll have to cross the Naihe Bridge. And the Underworld officials won't let you off the hook that easily, not after you've accumulated all this negative karma by haunting the living." He shook his head. "I heard they take 'Hell is other people' quite literally, and punish people who hated each other by throwing both parties into the same Minor Hell, giving them a pile of lethal weapons, and resurrecting whichever side that gets killed. Over and over again." 

He leaned closer. "Is that what you really want? Getting stuck in the same pit with your parents for centuries to come? Mind you, even if you get tired of the violence, you are not allowed to quit until the Underworld officials let you."

Came to think of it, that was the War of the Investiture in a nutshell. No one was allowed to quit, not even in death.

"...No," they mumbled, after a long silence. "But it's still tempting. At least I'll get to do something to them."

"Well, here's a thing you can do to them."

"What?"

"Live."

"That's it? Seriously?" They stared at him in disbelief. "Because I own it to them? Because my very existence is a mistake or something?"

"No. Because you own it to yourself," he said, "and it is only a mistake if you believe so, and if they think you are a mistake, there's no better way to prove them wrong and rub it in their faces than keep existing. Think of it like this——you ain't gonna help them get rid of you, are you?" 

"Well, if you put it that way..." they paused. "But I'll still be depriving them of their favorite punching bag, at least."

"Is that what you think you are?"

"It's what I have been for the past few years."

"Yeah, sorry, but hell no. You can be way, way more than that." He grinned. "Why be a punching bag, when you can be their worst nightmare instead?"

"I thought you don't want me to haunt my parents?"

"Oh, no. You are gonna drive them nuts in a whole different manner: by growing into a successful, well-adjusted adult they no longer have any power over," his grin widened, "And watch them age into bitter, miserable old farts who'll die alone and forgotten, knowing that the moment they die, they'll be dragged straight into one of the Hells in chains, suffer for untold eons, and probably spend their next life as ants."

"That is...satisfying, not gonna lie." They bit into their lips. "But until then, I'll still be stuck with them. Thanks for the reassurance, though."

"Does that mean if I let go of you now, you aren't gonna dash into the river?" 

Upon receiving a nod, he whistled, and his sash loosened around the teen, floating back onto his shoulders. They staggered back; he prepared himself, watching out for tensed muscles and all the little tells of someone who was going to make a run for it. Thankfully, he spotted none, as they retreaded their steps back onto dry land, one muddy footprint at a time.

He wasn't entirely convinced that they wouldn't change their mind later, but it was a good start.  And he had just the idea to make it an even better start. 

His fingers started twisting in a mudra, weaving together threads of pink and golden light into the shape of his signature seal. No, he definitely didn't enjoy the kid's quiet gasp of wonder, as a lotus-patterned token fell out of thin air and right into his hands. It wasn't like he was a show-off or anything, unlike that ape.

"Here. Take this. Go to—" He paused and cursed himself. Dammit, he kept forgetting that mortals couldn't just sense temples and their giant beacons of faith. "Do you know there's a temple over there?" He pointed east, "Like, in that direction?"

"You mean Taizi Gong? Yeah." They nodded. "Grandma used to take me there."

"If you ever need a meal, or a place to stay the night, just show this token to the staff, and they'll help you out." He narrowed his eyes, and said the next sentence very slowly. "Also, if your life is ever in serious danger, like, no-time-to-call-the-cops danger, just hold it tight, say my name, and point it at whatever is threatening you. Do. Not. Use. It. Lightly. Understood?"

He intentionally let out a bit of his killer aura, as he uttered the last few words. Not hard to muster, considering the circumstances that first drove him to develop this token system. It was always awful when he was too late in his interventions, but he swore to the Three Pure Ones, if anyone ever triggered the spell with a prank call, when he arrived at the scene, they'd wish they got caught in the explosions instead.

They paled and nodded in quick succession, then started to turn away. Before remembering something, and coming to a halt mid-step.

"I...I don't even know how to thank you." They shook their head. "If it was too early for that. If 'Thanks' is even enough. But if you are right and I do find my way out of this mess, I'm building you a temple, Third Prince."

...

A temple. Build me a temple, mother. Build me a temple, mother, for I'm cold without a body, hungry without a stomach. He remembered himself crying out, once. Build me a temple so I can be back at your side again, isn't that what you want? What you said you would give up everything for, as you picked up my pieces and buried them in a shallow grave?

Build me a temple, or you'll never know peace again. 

The most frustrating part wasn't how much he sounded like the sorts of ghosts he'd beat up later, a lot, as Marshal of the Central Altar. It was the lack of context. As in, there was no memory of the before and after. Just words echoing in a vaccum, with neither pain nor sensations attached.

It was the same whenever he helped a mortal. It was the feeling he got when, twenty years later, he stood in front of a temple gate, watching the person in a suit cut the red ribbons during its opening ceremony, and thought, I've done something like this before, long ago, inside my first temple.

But I can't remember what it was, or for whom.

He knew that was how ghosts became gods. Three souls attracted by the fragrance of incense, seven spirits nourished by the ashes of burnt offerings. Ten shades of a person, molded back together into something more than the sum of its parts, by countless mud-stained, callused hands, clasped together in prayer.

He'd watched it happen before, on the coasts of Fujian. Little Lin Mo Niang, disappearing beneath the waves, only to rise out of the tides later as Mazu, guiding fisherfolks and sailors to shore with her gentle red light, just like she did in life.

Or maybe he had more in common with Guan Yu. The fugitive, the warrior with the might of a thousand man, the loyal companion. Who, despite his promise in the peach garden, did not die on the same day as his sworn brothers. Specifically, how his vengeance and fury used to hang over Jingzhou like a plague, how his name was once whispered in fear, before it became the synonym of loyalty, brotherhood and martial virtue.

Perhaps ghosts became gods when mortals poured pieces of themselves into them, filling up the holes in their psyche. Making them more human than they ever were, and could be.

Thanks to Li Jing's destruction of his idol, he'd never know. 

That——that was what sent him onto his roaring rampage of revenge, right after reviving in his lotus body. After everything else had been bled dry, rage was all he had. Like thick black tar, sticking to the bottom of a broken jar.

...

"What stopped you?" He asked, without really knowing why.

"My legs. Literally. They don't work anymore. And I'm...gonna die anyways, it's not really worth the effort..." Her breath hitched in her throat, yet she still managed to squeeze out the last few words, "Then my mom came back."

"I...I'm still a little mad that she left in the first place, like, long before this. But she had a nice singing voice, when she wasn't crying, and," she sighed, "didn't start arguing with dad again. She said I had a new little brother, and showed me the photos...and I was just like, hey, he looks like a raisin, and they laughed, and I haven't heard either of them laugh in a long, long time..."

She was starting to look dazed, stuck in that liminal space between dream and awakeness.

"And I, I wouldn't mind hurting a lil' longer, if it means I get to have more moments like that." 

What if you don't? A part of him wanted to ask. What if those moments are no more than baits on a straight hook, carrots on a stick, making it so that you are willing to hurt longer and longer until it's not even fleeting happiness you seek, just the mere promise of release?

But that was the bitterest, crueler part, and it could fuck right off.

"I'm sure they are glad to have you, too." In the end, that was all he managed to say, in a whisper she might or might not have heard, and only got a small yawn in return.

"Well, you sound like you're about to doze off. So I won't keep you up any longer," he said. "Any last questions, before I go?"

"What do you...look like?"

"Huh?"

"When I die, I'll get to...see things again, right?" She asked. "And you can't be the only kid here. Just...wanna...go over and say hello, before the ghost cops come." 

"Oh, I'm very recognizable. You don't see a lot of folks with twin hair buns nowadays." He laughed softly. "And I promise you, when the time comes, I'll be right here, inside this very room."

"Thanks," she nodded. "G-G'night, ghost friend."

"Farewell, and sleep tight."

...

When did you stop being fun? Sun Wukong asked him, once.

When you started being nothing but jokes, he wanted to scream back. When you shut yourself in your cave for five hundred years to take a depression nap, while I drain just as much power answering the prayers of mortals as I get from their worship, and my true body is stuck guarding the fire that burn away worlds. When Yang Jian had stopped giving a crap about everything that happened outside of his precious Sichuan, me included.

When I grow the fuck up, monkey. We all do, sooner or later, yet you never seem to.

But then he remembered the look on Sun Wukong's face, as the mountain came down. A look he had seen on the faces of so many souls, as they were called up the Terrace of the Investiture. 

It was Ao Guang clutching onto his son's tendons with trembling, scaly hands. It was his mother kneeling in the dirt, begging for his life and unlife. It was him handing Huang Tianhua's head back to Huang Feihu. The eldest of Zhao Gongming's three sisters, muttering a quiet "Sorry, brother" before she was swept away by Lao Tzu's scroll. Guang Chengzi looking Yin Jiao in the eyes, as they dragged his plow up the hill. 

It was a monk postponing his Buddhahood in favor of the path of the Bodhisattva, swearing a vow that, for every life, he should learn the meaning of compassion anew, and teach it to others.

A pig who was once a marshal, too weighed down by his desires to attain enlightenment, who nonetheless went on to live a good life, full of good food and few regrets.

A soldier made into a monster after one simple mistake, who decided he was better than that, and, with quiet determination, followed his brother and master into samsara as their guardian.

It was a white dragon, destined to set things aflame and be consumed by flames, yet burning brightly all the same, a goofy grin on his face.

So he just gritted his teeth and kept on fighting. It was what he was made for, what he always did.

And it wasn't enough. 

...

But when was anything ever enough? When did Fate or Destiny ever pat anyone on the head, and tell them they did a good job, and they'd be free of suffering, just like that?

When were there ever easy answers, for mortals and gods alike?

Azure Lion thought there would be one, that the right person on the throne could magically make it all better, and he shattered trying to make himself into that person.

One step at a time. One answer at a time. A promise kept, a visit made. That was how you do it. 

After all, the great lump of molten colors Nüwa used to seal the cracks in the sky——they were but little pebbles too, once upon a time.

...

"Told you I'll be here." That was the first thing he said, as he unsummoned his wheels and sat down in midair, cross-legged.

"Oh. Well. I," The translucent girl let out a small laugh. She tried to scratch her head, before realizing she couldn't anymore. "I certainly wasn't imagining this, when you said 'twin hair buns'." 

"Do you have reasons to, though?" He asked. "People usually don't see the Third Lotus Prince on their deathbeds."

"No. But it's pretty obvious in hindsight, with the warmth and all these little hints." She shook her head. "Dangit. Now I just feel kinda dumb. Still, it's good to see you again, sir...Third Prince?"

"Nezha would do. I suppose I make much better company than the ghost cops, right?"

Behind the hospital screen, the man wearing a tall black hat grumbled something about people not appreciating their jobs, before being cut off by a "Ha! Checkmate, Lao Fan!"

"Yeah. It's a little distracting when you were dying, and two guys were just having a chess game five feet away," she said. "The cheerful one is a better player, though."

"Only because you keep giving him tips!" The man snarked back. "How does it feel like to cheat via a dying kid, Xiao Xie? I bet you feel real proud of yourself right now."

"How does it feel like to lose to a dying kid?" His colleague laughed, sticking his tongue out way further than any living humans were capable of, or comfortable with. "She gave you tips too, you just aren't good enough to use them well. And she's good. Real good. This one thinks she may just be a chess champion in her next life!"

"Thank you, Mister Xie. I learned it from my grandpa."

It was such a blessing that these two didn't exist yet, at the time of his death. As grim and thankless as their duties were, Xie Bi'an and Fan Wujiu were also the most annoying pair of ghosts he ever met, the former taking nothing seriously and the latter taking everything way too seriously.

"Hey. You two, shut up and show some respect." He snapped, before turning to the girl. "I'm sorry you have to endure their presence."

"That's right, Xiao Xie! Even the Third Lotus Prince tires of you and your constant jesting!"

"This one thinks if we pay our proper respect to everyone that has ever died, we'll have no time to actually do our job." Xie chuckled. "Besides, he is clearly talking about the one who is constantly yelling, and incapable of losing gracefully. But alright, this one shall do as you command."

"...Let's go talk somewhere else." He sighed. "These two clowns are giving me a headache."

She giggled a little, as the screen parted with a wave of his hand, revealing the two psychopomps sitting on the nearby bed. "Their hats do look like clown hats."

"The clowns can hear you, you know?" Fan snarked, before picking up his baton and making a gesture in their direction. "Whatever. Begone. And remember our deal: you have four hours. Not a second more, not a second less. Understood?"

"Did you just admit to being a clown too?" Xie grinned. "This one does think a red nose will suit you well."

"Sometimes I seriously wonder why I ever agreed to become your sworn brother, Xiao Xie."

He led the girl out of the room, just as medical personnels started coming in, carefully concealing his presence from the mortals' eyes. The girl made a face when her hand passed through the doorframe, but quickly recovered.

"Where are we going?"

"Anywhere you like." He replied. "Your home, your old school, that really cool arcade or amusement park you never get a chance to visit...and you don't have to choose one. Distance is not a factor at all," with a blaze of pink fire, his wheels were back under his boots again, "when I'm the god of speedy drivers. So take your time."

"Hmmm. I think," she said, after a long silence, "I wanna go see my mom, and my little brother first. Is that okay?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Let's be on our way, then." 

"Alright. Leeeego!"

[quitealotofsodapop]

Okay, let's be real: there is no effing way none of the kids were asking for pets - zilch! Even if they are demons/celestials/dragons, they gotta have wanted a pet.

So, who nearly gave in, who was the voice of reason, and what pet did the fam get in the end?

Absolutely.

MK and Mei are def the kids who tried to scheme/bargain to have a dog throughout their childhood. Nezha is a lot chiller on the subject, but would argue that a growing up with a pet would help with social stuff. Chenxiang would also like a pet, and tries to argue for the kiddos, but can be easily distracted with a marimo (moss ball). A lot of the time they can scratch that wanting-a-pet-itch by chilling on the boat with Sandy's foster cats, but sometimes a kid just really wants a dog.

Wukong wants to give the kids some pet responsibilities, but this man has bad history with dogs so none of those. Probably shows the kids the gnarly scar "an old war buddy's dog" [aka Xiaotian Quan] gave him to try and dissuade them. No fish either - he's seen what evil goldfishes can get up to. His fave animals are of the large hooved variety, so he's not allowed to get a pet either. He almost gave in one time when he met a really affectionate chihuahua once though, tiny dogs be a different matter. Will frequently use his limited magic to turn into whatever animal the kids are arguing for and cause havoc around the apartment until they admit defeat.

Macaque is sneakier. He knows his kids aren't gonna take great care of a whole pet by themselves if he just gives them one - cus they're kids, and have the attention spans of a monkey and a lizard combined. So he slyly says something like; "Your Uncle Sandy has a new batch of foster kittens, maybe he needs help raising them?" And the kids go nuts all the way to the boat. After weeks of bottlefeeding, butt-wiping, and litter changing for foster kittens; MK and Mei don't ask for a pet for a while. Macaque knows that the easiest way to halt the "Can we have a pet?"-train is to give the kids *actual* responsibility that they have to do. Vaguely considers guinea pigs or rabbits as a pet option, but that goes out the window with the addition of a certain little cat demon into the family.

Pigsy is the one to put his foot down and say: "No, absolutely not. Pets are a huge responsibility, and you live above a restaurant." Thinks most animals are just health hazards waiting to happen. Ironically the One Time he agreed to let the kids keep a pet, was when a stray kitten came into the restaurant. That kitten turned out to be Bai He. Pigsy is suspicious of any future animal additions to the family.

Tang ends up offering the ultimate compromise in this situation. He's great at "bargaining" with the kids to distract them for a while. He offers that if the kids can successfully raise a caterpillar into a butterfly - then they might be ready for a bigger animal. Cue a little terriarium in the apartment, and the kids are fixated on a little wormy guy for the next couple of weeks.

MK: "Pama! We did it!" Tang: "Huh?" Mei: "The caterpillar! It came out of its crys-alis!" Tang: *looks at terriarium in surprise* Tang, laughing to himself: "Sorry kiddos. But your "butterfly", is actually a moth. I must have grabbed a silkworm on accident." MK & Mei: "Aw..." Tang: "But hey, lets go to the pet store and see if you guys are ready for an upgrade!" MK & Mei, eyes sparkling with joy: "Upgrade! Upgrade!"

Tang's idea of an "upgrade" was one of those sea monkey/aqua dragon kits. MK and Mei were very disappointed when the eggs hatched and weren't tiny monkey-mermaids or baby dragons - Nezha on the otherhand was fascinated and now keeps one of those mini-aquariums in his room.

Sandy is def the one to make the kids truly understand the Effort and Responsibility a pet requires by having them help out with foster cats. He would however, completely fold if the kids ever asked to to keep one of the cats as a foster fail. He can't say no to them.

Eventually they accidentally find the perfect animal while visiting their "Grand Aunts/Uncles" [the Stalwarts] in the mountains. A frequent vistor to Uncle Beng's garden.

Mei and MK, eyes sparkling: "What are you?" Tortoise: :> Mei: "You're our friend now." Tortoise: *seems ok with this*

Wukong and Macaque just looked at the kiddos with their new buddy like; "Yeah sure I guess. Can't live that long can it?"

Its been over ten years since that moment, and Pangu the Tortoise is still alive and chilling around the (now-MK's) apartment. Mei takes care of Pangu every-so often and has a "bachelor pad" for him (+a bearded dragon) in her apartment. Pangu is currently the size of a small dog and bites tf out of Red Son whenever he visits. Completely normal animal. Unamused by magic, even when he and the other pets get babysat by the Stalwarts during the chaos of S3 - he's more mad that LBD's ice froze his lettuce.

SWK and Mac honestly didn't know Pangu was a long-lived species when they took him in but are glad it stopped any talk of pets... from kid MK and Mei.

Now the Eclipse twins are starting to complain about wanting pets too ever since Shadowpeach upgraded to an actual house. Bai He has to be talked down from keeping every street cat she finds. And of course MK is now a grown adult and is starting to think he's ready for the responsibility of a dog.

Its a never ending struggle.

[autism-autobot]

Flower of a Poisonous Seed Part 15

Part 14:

"I guess we truly are the echoes of those who came before, so what would that make us?"

Wukong was lying on the bed as these words left Nezha's mouth with a slightly hurt and deeply emotional tone. Wukong had never meant for it to be something that tormented his friend.

Just earlier today, Nezha and Wukong were at the Demon Bull Family's home, conversing about how their youngest member took after his parents, and in some ways, his grandparents too.

Then Wukong said an old saying that he'd think of whenever the noodle gang did anything that reminded him of his old friends:

"We are the echoes of those who came before."

Nezha didn't like this saying, not one bit.

He loved his father and maternal grandparents, sure, but that didn't mean he wanted to be anything like them.

Princess Iron Fan made some sarcastic comment as usual, this one meriting a genuine laugh out of Nezha.

What he heard come out was his father's laugh.

He swiftly left the room afterward.

He could live with being like his mother, sure, but his father? His father had improved himself drastically, but that doesn't change anything he did in the past.

Nezha didn't want to be a monster.

But did he really have a choice?

In terms of physical features, he was mostly his mother, only his hair, feet and ears resembling Li Jing.

He could at least take comfort in that.

Yet his, or rather his father's laugh kept echoing in his mind.

And the question of how truly similar the two were threatened Nezha's sense of self.

He didn't like it.

Neither did Wukong.

SWK: Trust me, you're not him.

Nezha: How can you be so certain? How can you be so sure?

SWK: Just calm down a little, and breathe.

SWK: I know you're not him because I know you. I know you're not like that and you never will be.

Nezha: HOW CAN YOU BE SURE??

SWK: Just trust me, okay?

Nezha looked at him like he just told him the earth was flat.

SWK: Please? Just this once? On this one thing?

Nezha: *sighs heavily* Alright, just this once... just on this...

SWK: Okay, I don't want any more of those doubts about who you are or whether or not you're a monster going through your head.

Nezha: But I never said...

SWK: You were thinking it. I could see it in your eyes. You wonder if you're a monster, but you're not!

SWK: I know who and what a monster is because I was one, maybe still am, but I know that's not who you are because look at you!

SWK: You've been taking care of me for almost a year now, without any complaints, as far as I'm aware.

Nezha: I suppose you may be right.

Nezha: Thank you, my friend, and know that you are not a monster either.

~~~

Red Son: I hope I'm not interrupting one of uncle's naps, but do you two have a moment?

Nezha: Of course.

SWK: Yeah, sure, what's up?

RS: I made something that could potentially assist with uncle's day-to-day life.

SWK: Okay, let's see what you got.

~~~

Nezha: A wheelchair.

SWK: Oh, boy.

RS: I DON'T MEAN IT AS AN INSULT I PROMISE!!!!!

SWK: I know you don't, but... how do I explain?

Nezha: This is a fun amount of irony.

RS: Irony?

SWK: Well, you see...

Masterpost

@swkbiggestdefender @starrclown @istopaskingmemate @ainnur

[fili-the-jester]

Wait so, Mei mentions that her uncle would love a new addition to his collection.

Which uncle is she referring to? I’m assuming that it’s one of the four pirate kings right?

Yes, you’re correct about it being one of the four pirate kings that she’s referring to. The uncle that she is talking about when she says that is Ao Guang, who is the Pirate King of the East Sea and her great-uncle.

Ao Guang is known to collect “trophies” of those who opposed him, especially from those were nobles and/or were associated with the Heavenly Kingdoms. He has a practically strong vendetta against Nezha, who Ao Guang and his sons has a (very bad) history with.

And doubled with the fact that Red Son is Nezha’s apprentice, would make Ao Guang all the happier to receive Red’s horns as a gift. Kind of like a cruel way to get back at Nezha.

(Also Ao Guang’s other sons, aside from Ao Bing, are Ao Jia and Ao Yi and they are the Pirate Princes of the East Sea. They don’t really like Nezha either, just like their father.)

[theweirdhybrid]

Wukongverse: Near death experiences

The Wukong's are gathered in their living room, each of them either laying on a couch or curled up in a pile of blankets and pillows and chattering about whose done what and the different experiences they've had. Really, they should be sleeping, its past midnight, but they've been talking for hours, and they've got a good rhythm going, it'd be a shame to stop now.

Uncle had just finished retelling his version of how he met Red Boy, when King gets a grand idea, "Hey, we should see who's come the closest to death out of all of us!" He's half joking, knowing that there's really nothing that could kill them other than the Samadhi fire, and that was easy enough to have avoided. Uncle snorts from his position in an armchair, reclined so far back you could almost mistake the recliner for a bed, "Well I just told mine, and that still didn't do enough damage to do more than knock me out when I hit the water!" He cackles.

Sunny rolls his eyes from his position on the floor, swaddled in a burrito blanket the others had forced him in to. "Well it's probably me, Heaven's attempts at punishing me damn near ended my story then and there. I'm lucky my Shifu stepped in at the last second." Lucky frowns from next to Sunny, scratching his head. "Well, the only thing I'd call a near death experience was when Grandpa Monkey King passed and I went to the underworld to try and bring him back." He shrugs, unbothered, "But that was hundreds of years ago for me, so nothing recent."

Dasheng grimaces, leaning back in his spot on the couch as he scratches his head and looks away from the others, "Ah, mine would've been fighting the Evil Lord when my powers were sealed by the chain..." He trails off, seeming to fall into his own memories. King noticed and, deciding that Dasheng had beat himself up over that enough, elbowed the younger in the stomach. Dasheng startled and looked at King incredulously, but he seemed to appreciate the gesture anyways.

King hummed as he leaned back, tapping his chin as he pretended to think. "Mm, I can't really think of anything... oh!" He grins as he snaps his fingers, Dasheng rolling his eyes next to him at the obvious dramatics, "I'd say mine was when I broke Nezha's seal to get the Samadhi fire map. But I don't know if it counts since I was still standing after, unlike you four." He says smugly, earning shouts of protest from the others.

"Speaking of which," King's eyes slide over to Sage, who was buried under a pile of blankets and pretending to be asleep. "Sage, what about you?" It's quiet for a moment, then an annoyed groan rises from the mound of blankets, Sage glaring through a sliver in the cloth. "I don't have one," he grumbles, burrowing further into the blankets in hopes they'll leave him alone.

But alas, Heaven hates him. Shocker.

"Oh, don't be like that Sage. All of us have at least one, you can't live a thousand years and not have a single near-death experience. You haven't been living properly if you haven't." King says with a smirk, eyes alight with mischief.

Sage growls under his breath, muttering a string of curses as he sits up to throw a pillow at King, "Oh fuck off, I'm just too strong for everyone in my world. No one's come close to killing me." He spits, glaring at King as he lays back down. The others burst into laughter, and Sage just sighs in annoyance when someone yanks the blanket over his head off him. "Come on, Sage!" Lucky giggles, the aforementioned blanket in hand, "It can't have been that embarrassing of an experience! Just tell us!" He pleads, eyes going big as he juts his lower lip out and ah fuck-

Sage yells and throws his hands up in exasperation as he sits up, "Fine- Fine! Just stop looking at me like that!" He says hysterically to Lucky, who cackles in response.

"I didn't have a near-death experience, I actually died." He finally says, looking away as he scratches the back of his head, avoiding looking at their no doubt gleeful expressions. "I know, I know- nothing can kill a Wukong, but I accidentally released an ancient demon king ancestor and he got the drop on me and the others. But I kicked his ass in the end and they all came back so it doesn't mean I'm weaker than any of you so don't think for a moment it does-"

He stops when he hears a choked inhale, and he finally looks over to see expressions of varying degrees of horror. King looks a little sick, actually. "Wait- wait, stop." King chokes out, "Wait, he killed you and the other pilgrims?" Sage grimaces as he nods, "And Fruity too." Dasheng inhales sharply at that, and Sage swears he sees water in the older monkey's eyes. "But it's fine, Fruity is the essence of life and brought us back and I disintegrated the bastard so it's fine-"

"No," Dasheng breathes, eyes wide and sad, "No, it's not. Sage you-" he wets his lips, like he can't quite believe it, "Sage, you died." Dasheng's eyes suddenly widen and he gets up from the couch, "Oh, shit- Sage, it's okay-" He hurries over, hands outstretched to his face. Sage recoils, confused, "Hey- what? I'm fine, what are you-" Dasheng cups his cheek and gently rubs his thumb across his cheek, and Sage is confused and Dasheng speaks, "You're crying," he says softly.

That's all Sage needs.

With a broken whine, Sage falls into Dasheng's chest, gripping the others tunic as he starts to sob quietly. Dasheng just shushes him gently and rubs his hands on the others back soothingly, holding him close and resting his lips on the top of Sage's head, rocking the younger back and forth as he sobs quietly into his chest.

In the morning, MK will find them all curled protectively around Sage and clinging to each other, covered in blankets and pillows as they dream.

If he takes a picture to show Mihou and Macaque later, well, that's his business.

[runin-reads]

More wholesome Poppy War Trilogy headcanons

Check my navigation (pinned post) for 1st headcanon post.

No war just vibes because I’m sad over the 3rd book. Canon divergence, let’s pretend nothing bad happens to them. Ever.

Venka grew up around boys (Nezha and Kitay) so she’d be secretly excited to befriend with Rin. She would insist on trying new clothes together, painting nails, anything that she didn’t do with the boys. Rin goes along with it because she likes seeing her happy!!

Rin, Nezha and Venka absentmindedly braid each other’s hair when relaxing together. Kitay always has short hair so Rin just runs a hand through it whilst he reads a book (or does taxes lol)

Nezha puts a hand on Rin’s lower back to gently move her out the way if he needs to pass by in a tight space

Nezha gives really good massages and head pats. Rin is often the receiver of these. He likes to tuck her hair behind her ear and pile food onto her plate. In return she gently traces his tattoo and scars.

Rin and Venka sneeze loudly. Nezha and Kitay sneeze quietly

Jiang never remembers the names of Rin’s friends. He often says “what’s the name of the guy you hang out with? You know, the one with freckles”

In another life Daji would be the hot rich single aunt that never goes to family reunions. Jiang is the crazy uncle that encourages the kids to rebel. Riga is the uncle the kids are afraid to approach because their parents warned them not to go near him

Vaisra would either be a lawyer or a politician in a modern au. He does the Asian dad stance in front of the tv and in the grocery store with his hands behind his back. He drinks tea religiously.

Rin is sexy but she sees herself as ugly because of her internalised colorism

Nezha the type of guy to correct other peoples posture, especially Kitay. I just know he’s hunched like Quasimodo when reading stuff

Venka’s eyeliner is so sharp it could kill a man

Ramsa would be a Leash Kid

Nezha, Venka and Kitay (he’s smart but he’s a rich kid at heart!) do not know what rent is

Jinzha the type to say “you’re ugly anyways” when his crush rejects him

Mingzha is the random kid that says “you got games on your phone?”

My intuition tells me Kitay’s older sister is hot even though she’s mentioned once and never again. If Rin met her she would spend a paragraph describing her attractiveness just like she did with Daji lol

[orsuliya]

Awu is such a troll) Remember how she was teasing Wanru, that actually XQ has three heads and six arms lol Or how she was telling Zitan, that general XQ is so ruthless, that he cut off Hulan kings head and sent it to the court lol I wonder where she heard it and why was she actually so interested in him... It is not the kind of talk between ladies. Also what was it that she said to her parents... Something like, you know I've been admiring general for a long time... Oh, baby girl)

This ‘three heads and six arms’ imagery does seem to return time after time, doesn’t it. Then again, it isn’t as random as a casual viewer might think: the warrior deity Nezha is sometimes shown with this exact number of extremities. Nezha is a dragonslayer, so perhaps Awu, under the guise of shameless teasing, is trying to appeal to Wanru’s girlish sensibilities; dragonslayers are kinda cool, right? Grown-up princesses should be above such things, really, but if a guy happened to kill a mythical beast... Don’t know about Xie Wanru, but Awu herself wouldn’t exactly tell a hero of this calibre to go away.

As for that head comment, I wouldn’t put it past Xiao Qi to do such a thing. Book!Xiao Qi does, that bloody decapitation enthusiast, and it’s not like the drama totally rejects the idea of displaying enemy heads in public either. Still, Awu does seem to be very well informed on military matters for a well-bred young lady of her age and position. Which is rather easily explained by having a general in the family, moreover, one who doesn’t look like he’s used to mincing words. And with him being the closest confidant of her father? You can bet there was all kind of military talk in the house for Awu to overhear, especially as Daddy Wang doesn’t seem to believe that girls shouldn’t take interest in such matters, rather the opposite. It’s a pity that drama!Awu doesn’t seem as close to her uncle as book!Awu is. The latter became overcome with grief after receiving the news of his death and remembered him fondly as a constant in her childhood. Among other things, he taught her archery. And there is good reason why book!Awu knows how a military parade should be organized; that reason being her uncle's tales.

Anyway, if there was any talk of military news at the Wangs, then Xiao Qi’s name must have come up more than once. In fact, as far as we know, in Cheng Xiao Qi IS the military news; if not the entirety then at least the greater part of it.

[earl-of-221b]

驱魔录 Qū mó lù 3

(Part 3 translations of the comic. Final 2016 chapters.) Chapters 20-28

True and False Monkey King

—

Chapter 20

(The Buddha, surrounded by his many disciples.)

Disciple, upper right bubble: “Lord Buddha, I’ve heard that that demon monkey went to cause trouble in the Heavenly Kingdom again.”

“The seal you put over him, is it really…..”

Buddha: “That is not possible. Judging by that demon monkey’s ways, he doesn’t have the power to have broken the seal I placed upon him. But…”

(Buddhists sitting on lotus seats, hovering.)

Buddha: “My follower’s previous incarnation, ‘Jingchanzi’s’ memories are still sealed away. In addition to that demon’s uncanny creation by the sky and the earth.”

Buddha, looming over Jiang Liu’er: “It is true that the seal is becoming weaker and weaker. When the time comes, I fear that it will be very hard to control him again…”

(The Buddha reaches out a giant, gilded hand.)

Disciple: “Lord Buddha, then should we not…right now…?”

Buddha: “No. Unless it gets to the dire point where there are no more options, we cannot act so crudely.”

Buddha: “This present demon is similar to that demon monkey, in that they share the same roots…”

(A demon, haunched over and brutishly shackled down with rods in his back.)

Buddha: “If the day comes that that control cannot be implemented, the consequences will be catastrophic.”

(Rods stuck into the back of the demon, sparking.)

Buddha: “To keep that demon under control…the buddhist seal must not waver…”

(Another monkey demon bares his teeth, with six visible ears.)

Six Eared Macaque: “I…”

“I…am…Six-Ears.”

“Not…am not…”

“Sun…”

“Wu…”

“Kong…”

(Either Six-Eared Macaque is freed from his bonds, or he imagines staring at the back of — or standing in the shadow of — the Great Sage Equal to Heaven.)

Author notes: Looks like I dug myself into this hole. (At the start I said I was only doing quick one-shots of daily life.)

Translator notes: This is a spin on the existing 真假猴王 ‘True and False Monkey King’ story. In the original, Sun Wukong goes away and is replaced by a hostile and aggressive version of him who hurts Tang Monk. The fake has the exact same power-set and strength as real Wukong. When two Wukong’s show up, the crew has to figure out who is the real one and get rid of the fake, Six-ears. In the end the Buddha helps reveal the fake and Wukong kills him with his staff.

‘Jingchanzi’ is the name of Jiang Liu’er/ Tang Monk’s previous reincarnation, who was Buddha’s important second disciple. There are different interpretations of why the Buddha sent Jingchanzi back to the mortal world to get the scriptures, especially since the journey west is kind of a giant redemption arc for the demon disciples. The most popular one goes like this: during one of Buddha’s sermons, Jingchanzi fell asleep like a rebel. Thus, Buddha sent Jingchanzi back down to earth so he could appreciate his teachings better. The end.

‘Jiang Liu’er’ was the childhood name of Tang Monk/ Xuanzang/ Tang Sanzang/ Tang Seng (wow he has a lot of names I didn’t even realise…). It means ‘child who flowed down the river,’ referring to how he was found by the monks as a baby.

—

Chapter 21

(Wukong, perched on a ledge, his eyes glowing.)

(Jiang Liu’er reaches out his hand doing something uneasy.)

(He’s picking lots - a little game to make decisions. Whoever picks the straw with the mark on it is ‘it.’)

Jiang Liu’er: “Hoo…it’s not me.”

“Who’s turn is it to get food this time la….”

(The straw with the red mark says “food.”)

White Dragon, Xiao Bai, to Sa Yatou: “Told you not to play with them already…”

Zhu Bajie: “Sa Yatou, looks like you’re it.”

Sha Yatou: “It’s ok, I wanna go.”

Sha Wujing, crouched to see Sa Yatou, right bubble: “You have to be very careful going by yourself, alright, safety first…Remember when you cross the road you need to…”

Sa Yatou: “Uhuh. I know already.”

Zhu Bajie, right bubble: “Do your best and get heaps of meat back here. *Cough.* …Because you’re still in the growing phase….”

Sa Yatou, snickering: “Ok, Pig Uncle.”

Xiao Bai: “If anybody dares pick on you then you tell Xiao Bai immediately, you hear that? We’ll…”

Sa Yatou: “Uhuh, yeah.”

Sa Yatou: “Big Brother Monk, you want anything in particular?”

Jiang Liu’er, glancing back: “Nothing really……it’s just that…”

“Never mind. I’ll come with you, we’ll go together.”

Sa Yatou, left bubble: “But…this time I got picked…”

(The straw lot disappears out of Sa Yatou’s hand.)

Sun Wukong: “Getting some food isn’t complicated enough for you guys to chit-chat and push-pull over. With that amount of energy, I’d already be there and back.”

(Sun Wukong takes off, leaving wisps of cloud in his wake.)

Sa Yatou: “The Great Sage….is he angry…?”

Jiang Liu’er, bottom bubble in black background: “No. He’s currently happy in that heart of his.”

—

Chapter 22

(Flight trails streaked through the air.)

(Someone descends and lands.)

(The golden band sparks.)

Either Bajie or Wujing: “Head Brother, back so fast?”

Sun Wukong, suspicious: “…”

Zhu Bajie: “This time it’s not all peaches again is it?”

Jiang Liu’er, silhouette: “Hahah, who told you guys to leave it to him and not go yourselves. As long as we have something to eat, there’s nothing to complain.”

“Right, Great Sage?”

Sun Wukong: “Jingchangzi…”

Voice, middle bubble: “You….you’re not the Great Sage…”

“!”

(It’s Sa Yatou. She hides behind Jiang Liu’er.)

Jiang Liu’er, faded into the background as Sun Wukong grips his weapon: “What’s wrong? Sa Yatou? If he’s not the Great Sage who else would he be?”

Sa Yatou, beside him: “It’s just — not him.”

—

Chapter 23

(Sun Wukong raises his weapon, striking.)

(The rest of the pilgrims are startled.)

(The strike narrowly misses Jiang Liu’er.)

Zhu Bajie, bottom left bubble: “Dammit! Bimawen, Stable-boy — you’re crazy!”

Sha Wujing, right bubble: “Head…Head Brother.”

(It’s quite clear that this is the six eared macaque, not Sun Wukong.)

Six-ears: “Oh?”

(White dragon horse, Xiao Bai.)

Xiao Bai: “You — where did a imposter demon like you crawl out from? You dare masquerade as the Great Sage?”

Six-ears: “Heh, heh. Imposter?”

“Even if I’m an imposter, what can the likes of you do?”

(Bajie attacks.)

Zhu Bajie: “Old Sha…”

Sha Wujing: “Hm.”

(Jiang Liu’er and Sa yatou shield themselves from the impact.)

Zhu Bajie: “That damned monkey turns out to be an imposter?”

(The golden band seems to be sparking amidst the dust.)

(He attacks.)

Six-ears, right: “Little girl. How did you recognise me?”

Sa Yatou: “People you’re close with…the feelings you get around family.”

“You won’t understand.”

Six-ears, raising his weapon: “Maybe I really can’t understand it.”

“But…”

“You’re wrong.”

“I am him.”

(Translator note: It seems that Six-ears wears the golden band, but real Sun Wukong does not.)

(In canon, the golden band controls Sun Wukong’s behaviour by causing excruciating pain when one recites the ‘band-tightening’ mantra.)

—

Chapter 24

(The Jingou Bang, poised before Sa Yatou.)

Six-ears: “Little girl. You’re not afraid?”

Sa Yatou: “No. I trust the Great Sage. He’ll come to save us…”

Six-ears, bottom right bubble: “Heheh. Your precious Great Sage isn’t coming back. From now on I am…”

“Sun…”

“Wu…”

“Kong…”

“He can’t even save himself right now…..”

“Close your eyes. I won’t let it hurt.”

(Sa Yatou closes her eyes.)

(A huge blast of power, of gods descending, turns Six-ear’s attention.)

The god: “I’ve always hated owing people favours…”

“Since you’re not that monkey, looks like I can use this chance to return it.”

Six-ears: “Nezha. I’d advise you not to butt-in on my business. Not that you’re able…”

Nezha: “This business — is mine to butt-in.”

Six-ears: “You really think I don’t have the guts to take you?”

“Five hundred years ago you couldn’t win me, today, you can’t win all the same.”

(Image of the crew behind Nezha.) 

Six-ears: “Even if all of you come at me at once.”

“Take my word for it. As if the few of you have a chance…”

A Voice: “Shouldn’t make your word so final, don’t you think?”

“I’d advise that you hand the monkey back over to us…”

(The Howling Sky Dog, Xiao Tian Quan.)

“I couldn’t care less about other people’s business. But he has to at least give me back my post money.”

(Upon the god’s forehead is his closed third eye, the truth-seeing “Sky-Eye.”)

(Erlang Shen has landed in the mortal world.)

Translator notes: Erlang Shen was the god that did win Sun Wukong in an uneven match and apprehended him back to Heaven. (Uneven because Sun Wukong was fighting Erlang Shen one-on-one when his powerful dog and Laozi got the jump on him.)

Erlang Shen is referring back to Chapter 14 last chapter of first translation at the end of the White Bone Demon arc. Sun Wukong posts him bones labelled as ‘dog food’ but I guess he didn’t pay beforehand so Erlang Shen had to pay on his end. He’s here for his money back!

—

Chapter 25

(Heaven’s True General, Erlang Shen and the Marshal of the Central Altar, Li Nezha.)

Six-ears: “This…can’t be possible.”

“You two can’t possibly be this powerful……..”

(Erlang Shen looks at Six-ears through his truth-seeing eye.)

Erlang Shen: “It’s not us that has become more powerful, but you who’s become weaker……It seems I can’t discern what is off but…”

“You are not Sun Wukong. Or shall I say, you are not ‘that’ time’s Great Sage Equal to Heaven.”

(‘Great Sage Equal to Heaven is in red. Referring to the Havoc in Heaven.)

Nezha: “Elder Brother, what does that mean? Even the Sky-Eye can’t see through it?”

Erlang Shen: “Hm. Can’t see it. But — I can confirm he’s a fake.”

Six-ears: “IMPOSSIBLE! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE…”

(Six-eared Macaque flies away, the crew and gods brace in his wake.)

Zhu Bajie: “Ran…he ran away…”

Erlang Shen, pinky in his ear: “I…can’t catch up. If you want to chase, you chase.”

“Tch…”

Zhu Bajie: “Heh! Erlang! Why’d you let that demon get away?!”

Jiang Liu’er, silhouetted behind Bajie: “Wuneng, curb your rudeness.”

“Esteemed god, if you are able, I ask that you please help the Great Sage.”

Nezha: “Elder Brother. Think of some ideas. Because that monkey….”

Erlang Shen: “Even if I want to help him I’m all out of ideas. Don’t even know when that shitty monkey dropped off the face of the earth.”

Sa Yatou, leftmost bubble: “Just then — the Great Sage went to find food. He was gone for the time it takes for an incense stick to burn.” (About an hour.)

“When he got back it was the fake one.”

Erlang Shen, right: “Oh? Like that…”

(Erlang Shen commands Xiao Tian Quan to follow the trail.)

“Then that’s something to go on.”

“You can’t have eaten all those dog treats for nothing, right, Xiao Tian?”

(Translator notes: Nezha refers to Erlang Shen as ‘cousin’ in the comic but they’re not...cousins. And they’re not related. So I opted to put ‘elder brother’ to show seniority etc.)

—

Chapter 26

(On the cliff of a mountain, Xiao Tian takes Erlang Shen and Jiang Liu’er to the find the real Great Sage.)

Erlang Shen: “Xiao Tian. The monkey’s here, is he?”

Xiao Tian: *Barks.*

Jiang Liu’er, probably: “This…this is a buddhist seal.”

(Probably Jiang Liu’er reading the mountainside seal.)

“Six words true from the heart…”

“To undo the buddhist seal.”

Erlang Shen: “Little Master. Looks like we really can’t do anything else. We’ve got our hands tied for this matter.”

Nezha: “What’s so high and mighty about it? Let’s break our way in and then talk…”

“Someone able to take down the monkey within the time of an incense stick burning to its end — I really do want see them.”

Jiang Liu’er: “Third Prince, please refrain.”

Jiang Liu’er, hands held together in prayer form: “For you two to escort this humble monk here, I am already grateful to no end. Since this business is from my own sect, and since your identities in Heaven are…”

“I simply cannot trouble you for this affair. Please forgive this humble monk’s discrepancies. I’ll go in alone…”

Nezha, right bubble: “Monk, but we…”

White Dragon, Xiao Bai: “Monk, you’re insane! You’re not doing anything but looking for death going in alone! We’ll go in with you….”

Jiang Liu’er’s silhouette: “I said…”

“Alone.”

Xiao Bai: “……..”

Zhu Bajie, right: “The little Monk’s a little different today.”

Sha Wujing, left: “A little…scary.”

The seals in red: ‘Oṃ’

‘Ma���i’

‘Padme’

‘Hūṃ’

(Image of a chained monkey’s hand.)

Sun Wukong: “Heheh. Buddha, you imprisoned this Old Sun for five hundred years…why this again?”

Buddha, black bubbles: “Sun Wukong, your demonic nature has yet to be cured. How are you to protect the pilgrim who goes to collect the sutras?

Sun Wukong, white bubble, left: “I don’t protect him because he happens to be the pilgrim.”

Buddha: “These affairs are no longer any of your concern. The Buddha has decided…”

(The real Sun Wukong, strung up upon a giant buddhist seal.)

Jiang Liu’er: “Da Seng!”

(‘Great Sage.’)

Sun Wukong: “Jiang…You, why are you….”

Jiang Liu’er: “Don’t you worry, I’m going up there to get you down right now.”

Sun Wukong: “Monk, just go. This time the seal isn’t so easy…”

Buddha: “Jingchanzi…”

“You have a great responsibility upon your hands. Do not be brash. The Buddha has already commanded the other half of this demon to aid you upon your travels…”

“Those who become one with the greater good enlightens oneself, but they cannot adhere to the rhythm and whims of the small, this is how the Mahayana doctrine comes to be…”

(i.e One must detach themselves from personal loyalty and individuals in order to serve a greater purpose.)

Jiang Liu’er: “I do not understand. What do you mean by his ‘other half…?’”

Buddha, left: “The day I subdued the demon beneath Five Elements Mountain, I split his spirit from one into two. The first half remains the demon you see before you. The second is ‘Six-ears.’

“And now the opportunity has come to command his use. He will help you finish your buddhist journey….”

“Even if you cannot fathom this, based upon the power you have, if you try to release the seal your own spirit will…”

Buddha, in red: “Smother like smoke and disappear.”

Six-ears, right bubble: “Smother and disappear? Sounds so scary.”

“The thing I want to know — If I originally was half of him, then how am I supposed to smother and disappear?”

Jiang Liu’er: “You….”

Six-ears, eyes glowing red behind Jiang Liu’er: “Step out of the way, little monk. Saving him is not up to you.”

(Six-ears, hearing the truth, leaps to save his original self.)

(The seal shatters.)

Sun Wukong: “…Spirit fragment…”

(Jiang Liu’er is now in possession of the part-spirit of Sun Wukong.)

Buddha, left black bubble: “Jingchanzi. His split spirit must not be returned into the hands of the original body…”

“It cannot be allowed for the Demonic King to return to the height of the power, to the days of…”

“The Great Sage Equal to Heaven.”

Jiang Liu’er, left: “Lord Buddha. Your enlightened ways and exalted words are wasted upon me. I cannot yet understand your greatness….”

“The greater good is of course of the highest importance. But doing smaller acts of good cannot be neglected. Human nature is spilt into potential for good and evil. I would rather live this life of good and evil.” (I think.)

(Image of Jiang Liu’er close up, under the straw hat.)

Jiang Liu’er, right bubble: “And one more point. Lord Buddha, my name is Jiang Liu’er. I’m a humble, simple monk…..”

“—Not your pilgrim, Jingchanzi.”

Sun Wukong: “Jiang Liu’er…”

(Jiang Liu’er returns Sun Wukong’s other half back to him.)

(Sun Wukong regains the body and soul of his heyday.)

—

Chapter 27

(Outside the mountain, the crew is startled by a shockwave.)

Zhu Bajie: “This is…”

Nezha: “So much demonic aura…!”

(Sun Wukong reclaims his Ruyi Jingou Bang staff, now exactly as he was when he took heaven five hundred years ago.)

Buddha: “Jingchanzi. Do you understand — the demon monkey has regained his vitality from the days where a sky filled with heavenly gods, and buddhist celestials, stood as his opponent?”

“Should he rise up and take the Heavenly Kingdom again, should he shake the Palace of the Underworld, can you shoulder this degree of sin?”

Buddha, lower black bubble:  “Make haste, crown him with the golden band, curtail calamity.”

(Sun Wukong lashes out, swiping the Jingou Bang staff above Jiang Liu’er.)

(The gargantuan image of Buddha is wiped away.)

Buddha: “The golden band is the only thing left in this world that can control his demonic nature….”

(Sun Wukong faces Jiang Liu’er.)

(Suddenly, Sun Wukong falls to his knees.)

Sun Wukong, bowing over the headband: “Should I become a buddhist, the world will see no monsters; should I become a monster, what now can buddhists do to me?”

“To be monster or to be buddha; it is your will by reciting the words.”

Jiang Liu’er: “Da…Seng…”

Sun Wukong, top bubble: “Okay la, okay la. Let’s go, stop crying your nose off…”

Jiang Liu’er: “Who said I was crying — I am not.”

Sun Wukong: “Look at you. Your snot is all getting onto my Jingou Bang staff…”

End.

Author notes: The art style and background looks I’ve now definitely got down. But I can’t promise that it won’t change.

Translator notes: The seals in chapter 27 show the band-tightening mantra ‘Oṃ maṇi padme hūṃ.’ Sun Wukong trusts Jiang Liu’er so much he accepts the golden band and hands him the key to keep him in check.

Big thanks to @dorkshadows​ for translating the part about the Mahayana doctrine.  :D

—

Final Chapter, Chapter 28

(No dialogue until end.)

(A small village under a blood red moon.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Erlang Shen: “Still want to play, Xiao Tian Quan?”

Xiao Tian Quan: “Uhuh <3”

End.

Author Notes: Now I can sigh out loud at the end. I can’t believe I stuck with it and drew so much. Of course my motivation comes from all of you readers and your support. It’s still that same line from me — as long as you like it, I’ll keep on drawing~~~

Translator notes: Xiao Tian is Erlang Shen’s loyal, deified dog. Thank you for reading and please support DENGANG on weibo. I’ll continue translating the 2017 chapters after a short break. Also, disclaimer: I have no affiliation with the author and this is not my work. I only do the english fan translations. 

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[quitealotofsodapop]

The world changed quite a friggin' lot in just a hundred years...if Mac's been dead since the Journey, how is he adapting to coming back to life and getting magically knocked up AND the world now looking practically nothing to what it did when he was living his first life?

While SWK probably gives him a heads-up on something's, given that he's lived through the changes, he's used to a lotta things that he might've forgotten Mac would have no frame or reference as to what it is - cars, phones, demons and humans co-existing for the most part...this is gonna be one very confused (and likely stressed at the start) monkey.

Macaque is confused by literally everything. He has no idea what the currency is, the writing system, media, internet, the fact that humans and demons are mostly chill together...

He has a million questions about everything. He swallows his anger at Wukong enough to ask some burning basics; Whos the current Emperor? Why do bananas taste weird? Why are humans just chill about demons now? How does he access the astral library (the internet)? Why is the world so loud? Why was his body kept in a special temple clearly being maintained by SWK himself?

Luckily, Tang is a good frame of reference and he gives Macaque access to the University library so he can research things in his own time. However there is some topics he simply cannot absorb through via books and pre-recorded lectures.

For example; how do babies work? And whats happened to everyone?

The baby is confusing enough as it is. Macaque isn't an expert in that field either. At least Wukong has acted as midwife/honorary uncle to his troop long before the war. Macaque I feel has had an unstable upbringing, never really belonging to any group before. He's never had someone sit him down and explain what to expect when expecting. Is he gonna be like this for three-and-a-half years like Nezha's mom was? PIF (and an unexpected returning Marshal) helps clear up the grosser questions.

The lack of the troop also saddens Macaque greatly. A lot of the old monkey yaoguai/demons have since passed, and FFM has been pretty much abandoned in the centuries following the Burning of Flower Fruit Mountain (see JttW chapter 28). The survivors and their decendants now living on the mainland among humans, and the Marshals/Generals are no where to be seen. The few Yao that even *remember* the Six Eared Macaque see him as little more than a one-note villain to the Monkey King - even with SWK trying his best to dispell rumors.

Macaque already held a deep hatred for Wukong for "abandoning" FFM during his 500 year sentence, but the knife twists further for him to know that in extra centuries since; not much has healed.

It causes... a big fight.

And Sun Wukong really has to pull his weight to make up for it.