#or maybe im just bitter and unhappy right now

[dreadfuldevotee]

This is a inconsequential bit of Liberalism™️ but its kind of jarring to see a footage of NYCC's production of Ragtime where the audience is giving Joshua Henry a standing ovation after performing "Make Them Hear You". A truly beautiful song, don't misunderstand, of a Black man telling others to continue speaking truth to power and to teach and empower eachother to seek justice without fear, But that is immediately followed with said black man being gunned down by the police after being promised safety and a fair trial. Plus, in the prior act his wife and mother of their child, a young black woman, is also murdered by the police. And...I don't know. It feels hollow out here, at this moment

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[pidgeeepombo]

Flowers and inconvenient first meets.

Sinopsis: jason is having a bad day, you too, but it doesent stop you to be kind

Fluff!Jason Todd x civilian florist!reader.

A/n: i try to make the Y/n the most neutral as i can! You can imagine any gender for them.

Warnings: hiper cliché, my frist actually romantic x reader fic, i love Jason so much hadhhahshsheheh. English isn't my frist language! Im sorry to any ortografic errors! I hope you like it!

You were at your small flower stand, there wasn't much movement, after all, who has a reason to buy flowers in Gotham city? The cloudy weather left the air feeling depressed, but nothing you weren't used to. The movement of people rushing to get to their appointments ended up causing the vase of tulips that was right in front of their tent to fall, spilling the flowers across the sidewalk.

You hadn't seen who had dropped them, and the person probably didn't even realize they had done it, all you could do was get up from your plastic stool and go gather the poor flowers, in these difficult times losing merchandise meant having the light of a house cut down again, As you bend down to gather the flowers, suddenly a thump happens and you fall back, only hearing a "holy shit" giving the situation some intencity.

Jason Todd was having a rough day. Of course, today was the anniversary of his death, he was definitely not in a good mood to talk, everything had gone wrong for him today, he hadn't slept well, he was quite injured from last night's patrol, and the next day he still had Forcing themselves to go shopping to their safe house, definitely going to the supermarket during rush hours and interacting with people who are just as unhappy as he are is not one of Jason's favorite things. Now, walking home with a rather flimsy paper bag full of supplies, he trips over someone on the street and all their purchases spill onto the floor, *great*

-holy shit.

He looks at the person he bumped into, apparently they weren't in a situation very different from his. Even so, he got frustrated and soon opened his mouth to say something sarcastic. Until the person on the ground comes forward and says:

-I'm really sorry, sir! Did you're hurt? You should take better care of where you're going.

Jason, without much patience, bent down and started to gather his things, while you were gathering your flowers.

-And you shouldn't sit in the middle of the sidewalk.

Jason says with a bitter tone in his voice, you, who perhaps felt worried about having knocked him over, as soon as you finish gathering your flowers you start to help him with the shopping, realizing that his bag had torn, you get up and takes a bag from behind the counter and gives it to the man with black hair, who gets confused, but accepts the kindness, you start helping him gather his purchases.

-I'm sorry again...

-its okay.

he replies dryly, but you really don't care, he must be having as bad a day as you. But you decide to try to give sympathy a chance.

-What's your name?

-...Jason.

- I'm Y/N, nice to meet you. you say, smiling softly as you hand him the last fruit that was lying on the floor

-rouge day, right?

-kind of

He notice that you was trying to make the situation less unconfortable. Jason felt a little uncomfortable at first, he hated interactions with people he didn't know, but he became more relaxed as the other person didn't appear to be a potential threat. He glanced at the florist, their seemed tired, but Gotham does that to people. If he himself wasn't busy with his own problems, he would even find the person on his side pretty.

When they finished gathering things, Jason gets up to leave, but you say:

-Hey sir! Wait a minute.

he stopped and looked at you, you smile gently and hand him a single tulip.

-It's for the inconvenience, sorry again!

-ah... No problem. Thanks.

He leaves holding the flower and analyzing it on the way home, he found it funny in a way, the last time he received flowers was at his funeral. And maybe that made him a little happy, it was hard to find someone kind to strangers in Gotham. He thought a lot about that florist and maybe he wanted to run into them again.

A/n: HEYYY MY SPACE READERS! my frist fic on tumblr? Im kinda pround of myself. This was inspired by a Character A.I boot.... (My favourite one btw) im gonna put the name here later! Byee! I hope you all like it! Take care of yourself!

[eulcgizeme]

eulcgizeme's plot brain rot

heyo weyo, listed below are just some plots i'm desperate to do so if you're interested, pls give this a like and i will come bother you. (: all of these can be for m/m or m/f pairings! heavily influenced from listening to ttpd for last four days

A. "even if it's handcuffed, i'm leaving here with you" for two former bonnie and clyde-esque characters who essentially out grew each other until they rekindle a little flame that gets them back on their ride or die bullshit, but one of them is insistent that the past is in the past (except maybe when someone's hand is down someone's pants oops). this would most likely be for eden [callum turner fc] since it's close to his backstory but watered down lol but could be someone else, possibly lyp adler [mike faist fc].

B. high school sweethearts remarried after they realized they were, in fact, far too young to have gotten married. it was messy, it was bitter, and fast forward they're remarried but unhappy bc they keep looking for the other in everything they do. an affair ensues and is it possible they've really grown up and come back to each other, or are they just as immature as they were back then? (possibly for andy rhodes, or knightley rhodes [josh o'connor or mike faist fcs])

C. based on the prophecy by miss taylor, where a promise to get married to their best friend if they're still single by x time and even though they're down for it, they're realizing maybe it's not the world against them but that they're not ready to belong to someone. fluff, comfort, and a bitter angst to not understanding why the person you've always loved suddenly doesn't want to be yours. (100% would have to be a new muse on my end but im ready)

D. muse a confesses to muse b that their spouse is cheating on them and ends a marriage. but instead of being hailed a savior, muse b holds it against muse a. add a little fortnight inspo and muse b could have lived right behind muse a, and muse a's marriage was the shit one while muse b lived happily until this revelation. muse a's marriage finally fixes itself and now muse b has to watch from their backyard their ex-best friend have the life muse a ruined by saying outloud the affair everyone but muse b saw. once again throwing my rhodes-burton family at this plot.

E. "like a tattooed golden retriever" about a young male model (i have a logan lerman fc in mind for this) taken in by someone else in the fashion industry who needs their next big break and is desperate. essentially plucks him off the street for his look to clean him up with little regard or what happens to him in the industry until they become emotionally attached and responsible for him.

F. two exes who broke up because muse a (who i'm thinking i might throw my callie adler [anya taylor joy fc] at for this! she does have a regular au lol but can be kept supernatural if ya want) was a mess tho muse b denies that it's a direct result of how they handled the relationship... and fast forward to muse a fixing themselves to spite muse b and everything they said about them.

G. and then a twist on the concept above ^ where muse a decides they're going to fix muse b to spite everyone around them. i can fix him (no really i can) as everyone insists they're no good. yeah, it's the song. and what of it?

H. begging for a plot based on the lines "it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden" and "sparkling summer" and "you deserve prison but you'll never get time, you'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bar." i had more for this but this whole post has been sitting in my drafts for two days and i want it out there, but if you're a sucker for smallest man who ever lived i will give you my all on deets for this.

I. unrelated to ttpd, but some more plots for callie and lyp adler as theyre supernatural au muses and lyp indirectly/accidentally did use his soul as payment for more power and didn't take into consideration that as a twin he is a soul split in two and also sold callie's soul.

just putting it out there that aside from mike faist/callum turner, i have some muse ideas for tom holland, barry keoghan, josh o'connor, david corenswet, jonathan bailey. i prefer writing male characters but i do have a couple of gals that might work for some of these if needed! (:

[psychiatricwarfare]

i lost my old post saying this so im saying it again.. ahem

NO TRANS PERSON IS MY ENEMY

i dont care if they're transmed/truscum/whatever you wanna call it. i dont care if they think me or my identity is cringe/wrong/a stain on the community. i was there once, i went down that pipeline for years, and it made me deeply unhappy and resentful of other trans people. you feel othered by cis people and retaliate against your trans siblings because you want to believe that cis people will accept you and they would accept you if it weren't for other trans people getting in the way - even though that's not the case.

by forcing transmeds to stay away from us and to 'DNI' all we're doing is pushing them further and further into the echo chamber telling them that they aren't good enough unless they perform transgenderism correctly. it gets exhausting, and you become bitter and angry. you don't understand why other people who are being their authentic selves seem so happy when you're not, and it makes you even more resentful.

the way i managed to crawl out of this pit was through youtubers like contrapoints' old videos about her own trans journey or philosophytube (who, though she had not come out to youtube at the time is and was still trans) making videos about transphobia. it was other trans people who helped me crawl out of this by simply explaining to me why it was okay to just do you. personally, it made me realise that before i had been pulled into this pipeline, i never identified as a "man." i was nonbinary before i was convinced enbies couldn't exist. and now im so much happier being able to be myself.

i want to extend that hand to any transmeds who maybe are starting to question the ideology or are simply tired of being so angry all the time. we are not your enemies, we are all a part of this community and no matter what we need to be there for each other. i can promise that when push comes to shove, transphobes are not going to care that you were trans the "right way", theyre still going to advocate for your death. trans people will be there for you, it'll be the trans community who protects you and stays by your side, and the person to pull you out of the fire might use neopronouns and have a weird gender but does that really matter when they want all of us dead regardless?

trans people are not my enemies. i don't care how much they've aligned themselves with transphobes, when it comes down to it, we have to protect each other. no person left behind.

[decadentrot]

Hello just wanna ask, Do you think that damian's parents are in an arranged marriage? it feels like it when you read the new chapter of the manga.

Ok imma be real i havent actually "read" the newest chapters yet. I enjoy reading them in big chunks/arcs to fully immerse myself and so i dont forget details, but i dont mind spoilers strangely sooo b/c of this i let myself see spoilers on the TL and i heard some stuff from my friends about the red circus arc. So my thoughts based on my limited knowledge (up to the Friendship Scheme Arc) on Damian's parents:

THEY SUCK and if they are in an arranged marriage then honestly i feel like that would make a lot of sense to show a foil/connection to Anya's family. I hope im explaining this correctly but its like the Forger family isn't perfect but theyre kinda 'fantastical' in a sense that they all got together somehow by 'fate' and they are all leaning towards a 'found family learning how to love' kinda vibe, while the Desmonds are built by the harsh reality of life's obligation and everyday they realize how much it sucks. They got together probably out of expectation and politics and everyday the bitterness and disappointment for each other hits a little harder. Maybe im projecting too hard, but i feel its like the Forgers show an ideal of what everyone wants (eating the table with home cooked meals and parents who actively take part in helping your education) while the Desmonds show the bitter truth of most families (unrealistic high standards to live up to without any help from parents and not being able to grow as your own person because your being forced to be your parents second chance of living) aka found family vs forced family. So even whether its contractually obligated, i do believe their marriage at least came from a social obligation, especially being a woman in that time period.

I mean thats part of the reason Yor agreed to be with Loid right, to keep suspicion off of her as a single woman. I do think Melinda wasn't ready/didn't want to be a mom/wife and desperately wanted a free life, but as a woman of her status she was expected to marry wealthy and become a housewife obedient to her husband's wishes. It didnt help her that her husband was this big powerful political man, she probably couldn't complain to anyone without it reaching his ears. I don't think Donovan lets her have much control over the parenting department despite not having any interest in it himself. Like Damian, I imagine that Demetrius also lived in the dorm rooms away from Melinda and forced to study. And seeing how stripped of freedom she got in regards to Demetrius, Melinda didn't want to give birth to another child for years explaining the big age gap between the brothers and her distaste for Damian or maybe she did have more kids and maybe they were girls and maybe Donovan saw no use in having daughters and sent them away to some "facility" for better use and Melinda is now scared of what her husband is capable of...

Either way, it definitely seems like an unwanted unhappy marriage :(

[irememberlearninghowtodive]

Annoyed with C cause I feel like she doesn’t really give a fuck about anything other than her girlfriend and I want to tell her that she needs to grow up and be her own person and stop being so clingy and needy it’s unflattering but I think really what I mean is that I want her to pay attention to me and be my friend because it feels like she doesn’t even care about me or know anything about me or have any interest in me…but do I care about her and know her and have interest in her beyond the role she serves in my life to keep me company? When I was close with J, I barely gave a fuck, actively thought this is much better now that I don’t have to depend on this friendship so much. Maybe im just being too harsh right now but I feel this unhappiness and dissatisfaction building up for so long with our friendship, literally it’s been so acute for years now, since 2021 even I’ve felt this way in the back of my head. Really we should just grow apart but I keep staying attached cause I have no other friends and she doesn’t have too many either other than her girlfriend. I’m just not happy when we hang out, im not happy when we talk, I don’t feel comfortable, I don’t feel enriched by our friendship, I feel this bitter irony when people call us best friends. And yet sometimes I feel a lot of affection for her and she is my best friend and I want to be with her, be in her company. It’s just that being around her makes me feel uneasy and strange. It’s never what I want it to be. Like today, when we are with other people, she just stares past me and doesn’t even speak to me. I don’t speak to her because I have nothing to say.

[nar-nia]

hello!

it seems that everytime i want to get back on Tumblr my life goes "nuh uh" so im gone forever lool

life is just busy - but not in the way that i hate, the nice kinda busy, maybe except of uni but im just trying to get through it, my personal life is still lol, every year (since like 2 years or so) i hook up with the same guy during a party and we both know it will never be more that but damn the yearner in me always have these bitter thoughts about this situation after it's done but hey that's life right sometimes ig

but other than that thriving and loving life or at least trying to be more positive about it! 🥰

gosh, i hope u had lovely Easter!!! and that ure doing good and the new job is going great!!! i saw that u saw itzy?? that sounds absolutely amazing!! are you doing good? I hope ure eating delicious food and drinking enough water 🥰🥰 and ofc i hope writing is still fun for u babe!!

ily!! only like 2 months left before exams 🤣🤣🤣 the worst part of the student life fr

-beloved anonie, i missed uuuuu

ps IM SO HYPED FOR THE DARK MOON SONGS LET'S GOO HEESEUNG BRAINROT FOREVER

omg hellooo 🩷 i missed you so much 🥺

how are you <33 i'm glad that life is busy in a positive way, but i will manifest your best for uni! time is passing so fast, how far into uni are you now? good luck for your exams but i am sure you will slay them as always, just try your best and be proud of it because you deserve it!!

and what am i hearing about a guy 👀 honestly props to you for even coming that far to hook up with someone, i recently downloaded hinge and it's not not hitting 💀 tbh i think i want to just be in a relationship with all the cute fanfic moments, but i really don't want everything you have to go through in the beginning to get into a relationship 💀 life's tough and unfair with that. but anyways, would you want it to be more with this guy? or should i just send heeseung your way, i'm sure that can be arranged too 🤭

i actually had to work during easter if i remember correctly butttt my new job is really good 🥹 last week was the first time when i actually disliked it (my coworkers had a bad day and that just brought up very unhappy memories from my old job) but it's all good again and i'm having so much fun, i finally get to bake cakes!! and if they're not having a weird day my coworkers are really nice too (and give me lots of praise which is 👀. i am beaming after every compliment). apart from my job i'm doing good too, my mental health, mood and health overall has gotten so much better ever since i switched jobs and finally work normal hours again. and yesterday was the first time since idk when when i could sit down and really enjoy and get invested in a show again, i missed that so much.

i will ignore the drinking enough water part because when have i ever... although i do drink more now since i get it for free and fresh and cold at my job. so yay me i guess 😍 i am eating well though, and yesterday i tried making a cocktail (without alcohol) and it was really good. how about you though?? i talked way too much about me.

buttt writing is more fun than ever again which i am so so happy about, i have so many wips waiting to be finished right now 😶 but it's really fun. AND YES THE COMEBACK!!! they look so good in the promo pics, i can't wait for the release. just one more week!

thank you so much for checking in and saying hi, i missed you 🥺🩷 and i love youuuu

[forsean]

Unluckily:

It's so hard to watch your friends cry tears of pain,

When you're jealous and bitter, but you have to wipe away,

Their streams of fear, hurt and worry, running down their cheek.

Whilst you know in your mind that you would do almost anything to live life as them.

Imagine having that ideal body, or the ability to be so cool.

It's something I can only dream of.

Instead I waste my days away with contagious jealousy,

Spreading through my body furiously,

It just seems so easy for them.

Whereas I wish I could start again,

Restart everything, build back up from scratch

This time making changes to aid my attack,

The revenge is inbound, I can't wait to change,

But reinforcements never come, I don't get to start again.

I have to deal with it right now,

No fantasies or disbelief,

No instant relief.

I've been so scared lately.

Heart beats twice as fast,

I don't want to come last,

Last priority, last choice,

I used to be top of the class.

What happened to me?

Where did my motivation go?

Im not sixteen anymore,

Im twenty years old -

So why am I worthless now,

More than I was before.

Why do we all fall into a rut,

After our sixth form journey comes to a close,

Everything seems to difficult,

Never reaching new highs, achieving new lows.

I just my friends could see,

Often I'm unhappy too,

So maybe it isn't best for me,

To be the the therapist of the group.

When I hear stories of death, drug use,

Don't think I know what to do,

I want to be there for you,

But seeing your relapse, your tears hold me hostage,

I can't be late, I can't step away,

I cant miss a message,

What if I'm too late, too busy when youre alone,

And i could have saved you, I'll always know

that this was on me, see im so scared of the outcome cause

With just one phone call I could keep you steady.

But that shouldn't be on me,

There's so much I'm jealous of actually,

From your body, your confidence,

Your charismatic charm,

If only you could see your worth,

Like you see worth in me.

Then maybe just maybe,

I wouldn't feel so unlucky.

[hellothere-generalangsty]

I HAD A BRAIN WAVE MOMENT

DO YOU REMEMBER WAYYYY BACK WHEN EVERYONE HATED ASOKA? DAVE DID THAT ON PURPOSE SO HE WAS IN CONTROL OF WHAT PEOPLE HATED ABOUT HER. OK NOW THIS MIGHT BE A LONGSHOT THAT HOPEFULLY DOESN’T END UP LIKE LONGSHOT THE CLONE, BUT, IM HOPING THATS WHATS DAVE IS DOING WITH TBB. BEING IN CONTROL OF WHAT THE FANDOM HATES ABOUT IT AND THEN IMPROVING IT SLOWLY BIT BY BIT.

PLEASE IM DESPERATE FOR A EXPLANATION!

(also where’s my explanation about why the clones are white washed, dave? hmm? where is it dave?)

OMG LOOK.

It wouldnt excuse the whitewashing or the weak scenario, because he got us used to some good stuff now (tcw s7, Mandalorian, that kind of things)

But it would make sense - to a certain extent - to work that season as a "cliché team in a cliché scenario" and see how people react to be able for a second season (if there's a second season) to improve it

_

Disclaimer: I'm a white, abled person so I'm not trying to speak on behalf of poc/disabled people, but I think it's important to support them and listen to the critics they make about SW and it's content

Also this is quite long I got carried away but worth it it is!

I linked some of @rebekadjarin 's post here because I read a bit through her blog today and agreed with her posts; and I invite you to check out the "#whitewhashed tbb" if you want more extanded and developed information about that matter! (As my knowledge on the matter is still quite limited/ incomplete due to my privileges, and this post is more of a summary than a real analysis)

_

So here, we know that the fans are unhappy about:

- the whitewashing of the Bad Batch (especially since they proved they could animate dark skinned people/ more generally poc with the first seasons of tcw, Kanan in Rebels and the Separatist in the latest TBB episode)

It is a real problem and it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Even if they are different, the Batchers are still clones and it's really not that hard to show their enhancement while keeping Temuera's features and skin colour (I mean, look at all the artists who did and do it everyday on this app; no excuse here)

Star Wars has wasted a lot of potential on numerous occasions because they keep doing stuff like this; and it's quite ironic (and very sad) to see that racism, ableism and stereotypes are prevalent in a universe where people fight for equality and peace...

Here and here are two posts about it (if you're the author of these posts and want me to delete them from my post please tell me so; I took the liberty of adding them because I think they highlight quite well the issue and do a clear job at showing the whitewashing in SW/ around the clones)

~

- the way Crosshair is treated; both by the Batchers and the writers, he's manipulated by the chip yet no one is talking about rescuing him and we see nothing about the effect of his absence on the Batchers (they don't mention him, don't try to save him, and Hunter is more distraught by Omega's absence than by his own brother's)

And don't get me wrong, Omega is a kid and she's nice, of course they have to take care of her and protect her

But they also don't know her purpose; why is she here? She could be a bad omen (maybe she doesn't even know it! The Kaminoans probably didn't tell anyone about her real purpose and I stand by the idea that the infos they got about her are all wrong and purposefully misleading) and I have the dark feeling that she will be the end/ death of the Batchers by the end of the serie, even if she didn't wanted it that way

But Crosshair is never mentionned, except for when he's needed in the scenario. Which is a shame, because he's a Batcher too even if he's mind-controlled and (for now) working for the Empire. He's supposed to be a main character, and he's a key element to the plot; yet out of 10 episodes we saw him in only 3, and only the moments where he was acting bad (i'm excluding the lonely moment at the end of ep2 because it had a lot of potential about him fighting the chip but that was all we had and i'm still bitter about it lol)

Here is a post about it

~

- speaking of plot; I feel like it's always the same disk playing since episode 2-3: They have a mission given by Cid, they do it, things go wrong, Omega saves the day and they get the money.

Crosshair is doing bad guy stuff so no need to tall about him (haha right?)

Now. I'm a good public. I know when to activate the Dummie™ in me and enjoy a show about a found family doing crazy jobs for a criminal and raising a newly adopted daughter at the same time. It's fun, it's sweet, sometimes it get emotional and the animation is beautiful (the lights are amazing I am always in awe)

I can enjoy it and be in awe and see Echo sniffing food and Tech smiles and Wrecker playing with Omega and feel happy about it.

But I also expected more. I hadn't any clear idea because I didn't wanted to set expectations (how ironic) but I can't help but feel sad about the wasted potential around Empire! Crosshair and the rise of said Empire.

If you want to antagonize one of the main character, do it, but do it fully and do it well. Show us Crosshair getting really invested in a plan to catch the Batchers and suddenly making a scene for a tiny detail that could blow it up; show us Crosshair and Hunter fighting each other hand to hand after they disarmed each other, and Crosshair getting the upoer hand until something holds him back; just enough for Hunter to take control again

Show us a complex character who suffers but doesn't fully realise it, and show us brothers mourning yet hoping to get the family back again you know?

~

- the way Echo is treated by the Batchers. And as much as it saddens me, they do him dirty in the show.

Echo is a war veteran, an ex- prisoner and a disabled character. He went through a lot; first he lost the Domino squad, then he lost brothers on Kamino (including 99 who was close to his squad), then the Citadel happened and he lost both his legs, an arm, his freedom, his brothers and probably any hope to be saved.

Then they found him in that freezer, and he probably realised that, if Fives wasn't here to save him, it meant he lost him too.

Then he left Rex to go with a team of 4 because he probably didn't feel like he belonged with "regs" anymore; he chose strangers over brothers because he thought he couldn't find his place there. Which in itself is sad and problematic.

And now he's with the Batchers, and they don't seem to grasp the importance of his trauma. I mean; they always had the 4 of them and never lost a brother (apart from Cross; which is another wasted potential here because they could have exploited that trauma and made a parallel with Echo being so used to losing brothers and them experiencing it for the first time on such a personal level you know) and they do some crappy stuff to him.

Selling him as a droid? Not cool.

Brushing off his trauma for a mission and some credits? Not. Cool.

And Echo can't say anything because he chose them, and now he has nowhere to go anyway because Order 66 happened; and he probably doesn't want to be a burden to Rex, and he probably doesn't want to abandon his brothers especially now that Cross is gone and they have a child to take care of

But yeah there are a lot of things happening - or NOT happening - around Echo and his trauma and his disability that are wrong and people are right to talk about it

Here is a post I read and I agree with it

~

- Overall, the way the show and the characters are handled; they often feel very stereotyped/ cliché and the basic plot doesn't really help for character development or improvement

I read a post about it and it was really interesting; they linked the whitewashing of the characters with their abilities/enhencement

Tech and Crosshair are the smartest and the whitest in the group (which is bad)

Wrecker is portrayed as the Bid Dummie™ and he's the one with the "darker" skin and the features closest to Temuera/ Maōri features (also very bad)

Hunter is straight up a Rambo with a face tattoo, and Echo - and you guys know I love him - is whiter than a sheet of paper (all so bad)

Not only this, but there is no improvement in their personality or thinking

They don't seem to evolve, and just like their mission, they end up playing the same song over and over again

Hunter is the broody soldier and though people enjoy talking to him as a Dad (count me in) but he's not a good dad for Omega (he calls her soldier and is always acting awkward and uncomfortable around her)

Wrecker could be a better dad for her; but again they display him as a big dummie and give the impression he couldn't take well care of her

Tech is here to be the smart one, we only see him when they need someone to do the smart speaking and the complicated computer things

Echo is the grumpy reg, the "more droid than man" and sometimes the Mom™ but they never show him talking about the Empire or the trauma or how the I am not Freaking Out��� I did came back for this Shit™ he's just here to... Be here and be grumpy and bring the oldest clone wars fans to watch TBB

And Crosshair is almost non-existent.

Here is another post about it

~

What could it be then?

So either Dave is pulling a Ahsoka on us; but he'll still have a lot of things to correct and explanations to give because I can excuse a bad plot but I draw the line at blatant racism ans ableism (especially when they KNOW the fans and they KNOW what people want and they KNOW it would probably bring more people to enjoy and get invested in the show)

- If he's doing this, he will probably work with the animator to correct the whitewashing (because it really is the only really wrong thing in the animation, the rest of it is quite good to be honest like the light, framing and all)

- Understand that Tbb and Mandalorian are two different shows and cannot be treated the sale way; so he'll get back to the main plot and hopefully work on Crosshair's arc and hos his absence/ him being controlled by the chip affects him/ the Batchers/ their relation

- He'll probably work more on displaying the effect of their trauma; collective and personal, and see how it reflects on their relations (and give Echo the healing he deserves)

- By extension, give the characters more depth and complexity, dig their stereotypical surface and reveal their true nature (show me a ruthless yet easily overwhelmed Hunter; a smart but constantly anxious Tech, a very emotional Wrecker playing the big explosive dummie to protect himself, etc.)

Well, that's what I would do

Or he's just... Doing this and not planning any changes; in which case I'll probably do what I did with SPN s15: stop watching, scroll through tumblr to get some infos and gifs and tell everyone about how dirty they did the characters, and they did us.

~

But I really hope he's hearing us and taking our remarks into account; the show in itself had a lot of potential and I'm still hanging on the thin hope that the ending could "save it"; but I also have no expectations and am in fact waiting for a disappointing ending

On a brighter note, I'm glad the fandom exists because I see artists and writers and gif-makers and theorists and all kind of people creating and sharing their own content, headcanons, art, writing and they all feel right and better than the canon

Like yes, give me a in-character dark skinned clone who deals with his trauma and the sudden changes around him in a realistic way

Tell me about the real effects of the war on soldiers, and the truth behind the corrupted government taking over the galaxy, and the efforts everyone has to make to survive, exist and live together

If Dave and his team cannot do it, I know you guys can and that's why I'm glad to be here too; you give me hope when they fail to do so 💙

~

I hope I like... Answered this correctly? 😂 I got carried away but yeah, though I'm usually not vocal about it and try to enjoy it with my Dummie Energy™ I still see and read about what you all think, and usually I agree with you; the show deserved better and we deserved better

Now back to ignoring the canon and writing a fic about my very much alive and beloved Fives 🥰

[lesless]

I’ve been irritable the last few days & I think the reason is I’m emotionally drained & it’s wearing on me. My two friends have been emotionally pouring their misery on me & im tired of being the host of sad bitch couch. It’s unfortunate because they do have legitimate reasons to be upset, but I seem to be their only outlet & I can’t spend time with either without being the dumping ground for their unhappiness. I’m not asking for even half the time spent having a little distraction, I just want 1 day where we can have fun without cradling their emotions like a sick infant. I guess I’m a little bitter I didn’t have anyone to hold my hand through my own misery, maybe? I care for them both but it’s making me weary & grouchy. I have an aging dog to tend to, & Im prone to bouts of emotional instability, myself, & I have to manage myself, too. Is it terrible of me to want to shout “SUCK IT UP FOR ONE DAY. LOOK AT WHERE YOU ARE. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL RIGHT NOW, ENJOY IT! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE PAST!”

My partner just checks out. He disengages & sometimes just leaves the situation. Part of me is annoyed at that but a greater part of me is growing to respect it. I don’t know why I feel this responsibility to help, maybe I can’t. Maybe they do need to just sit with their emotions & understand that others are not an audience to their minds grappling with these huge life problems. I’m not supposed to fix anyone other than myself, & share my own experiences, at the end of the day. Idk.

I feel so much of my waking time is spent slathered in responsibility. I must do this, this, this this thisthisthisthis. I’m weary, myself. Even my trip home was out of responsibility to visit my family, who make me feel under an observation glass, that the ways I talk or the things I think or the way I dress is up for later dissection after the subject has left. & I used to do whatever I wanted, I used to flirt with people at bars & chat for free drinks or just have amazing conversations with people I’d never see again. I wasn’t some slave to this series of responsibilities I am obligated to. Or maybe I was, & it was just a different set. I feel sidelined to be some guide to people, to piddle about organizing everyone else’s life, & I’m tired.

I never lose sight of how lucky I am, how beautiful my life is now. But sometimes I want to be the center of the room, I want to laugh & make people laugh & charm & be outrageous in this rapturous way, rather than herding emotions for others at all hours of the day & night. Rather than sweeping & straightening. I want to ride my bike down the road to the bar & talk to strangers who are at least pretending to be happy, wrapped in their cloak of liquor & beer, showing all their teeth to the night.

The weight of this responsibility makes me want to topple the whole thing, which is not a sane thing to do, I know logically that I must remove some weight & keep it together rather than succumb to the stallion instinct. I don’t truly want to be feral, so much as I want to be free.

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/venting

so everything’s bothering me again. one, school, to be expected, i hate school. literally would rather just not do it whatsoever. the thought of having to go through 8 more fucking months of near pointless information makes me want to go into hypersleep, and come back when i can leave and get a job and not have to do school anymore. i dont even need pre-cal?? I plan to do what I want with my future, and thrive in a business that I created, or enjoy working for, not slaving away to the machine that is capitalism. i dont want to be a doctor, or a CEO, or anything like that. i just want to be happy, at whatever job I’m at.

and im not getting “dragged” per se, into fandom shit, but it really just stresses me out seeing people leaving, or being unhappy. and still not being able to get all of my feelings across the way. hurting someone’s feelings is the last thing i want to do, but withholding how i feel about certain things hurts me a lot in the long run. I was doing just fine, but it seems like I keep getting hit with blow after blow. it makes me not trust people who i feel like i should. and i hate that. and i try my best to be respectful, and be nice, but I just feel like i’m being looked down upon.

georgia is the state with the highest COVID rates, or one of the states. my city was on national fucking news, CNN, to talk about how fucked we are. the only two times i’ve seen my city on the fucking news were both times talking about COVID, and high rates of deaths. and low vaccination rates. i dont get it. i really dont. it’s not that hard to go and get a fucking shot that’s free to save not only your life, but your neighbor’s life, and everyone else’s. and people are taking fucking horse medicine to get away from taking the fucking vaccine. it’s FREE for a reason. people are just so fucking stupid sometimes. what does it take to save your fellow fucking neighbor? or hell, since us americans are so fucking selfish, YOURSELF??? i dont get it.

and my dad also fucking pissed me off too. he’s fully vaccinated. so he decided to go out of state to go see a football game with a group of friends, who run a social club. they go to every football game the local team goes to, but im really upset. do they have no respect for the worldwide PANDEMIC at hand? there’s people dying day in and day out, and that’s what they do in response? go away and cheer on a team, and completely disregard everything else. i just cant anymore. why would he do that? put himself and his family in danger? i hate that. i cant do that. i refuse to. i cant willingly put myself at risk of literal death. and he masks up, and socially distances, but i just cant see why he would do that. or why the team would do that. people are dying, and you’re out here just?? going out.

i feel this weird sense haunt me when i think about people going out and getting back to their lives. i mean sure, go out and have fun, but there’s still so much going on right now. i really just cant see how they do that. and schools reopening and all that. my county does school on a case by case basis. like i mentioned earlier, georgia has the HIGHEST rate of COVID, literally every single county has high rates. and kids are still in school? people are still traveling? not wearing masks. i fucking hate it here. yes, go have fun, but people are DYING? i dont get it. sure, you’re doing it safely, but i just dont know. maybe i’m bitter because i literally have close to no people to go out and see because all of my IRL friends go to in-person school, and i just dont feel comfortable being around them with such high death rates and such.

also i got some like...really potentially bad news from a close friend that i cant even talk about so thats great.

im like really touch-starved, and im sure that im losing it at this point. which is everybody, i guess? i just feel really shitty close to all the time, not being able to go and see people, or do fun stuff.

nobody talks about a lot of the bad stuff in being a teenager, because it’s all glamourized. im not sure if it’s normal or not, because nobody fucking talks about it, but ive got bad anxiety, paranoia, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, the whole fucking nine yards. but it’s all partying and “teens need to stop doing this and that” and i know that social media is a lie, i get that. but outside of that, nobody talks about how fucked up some things really are. or maybe it’s just because it’s not normal whatsoever to feel this bad, and have this many bad thoughts, and all that. im convinced that all this anxiety isnt normal (i mean, i do have an anxiety disorder, but y’know) the intrusive thoughts, all that. i really just dont think enough people talk about mental health, still, after so much has been done and talked. especially not teens, and definitely not teens of color. it makes me feel even more alone in the struggle to find out what’s normal and what isnt.

society doesn’t give a shit about teenagers, this much i know. i never see people talking good about us. it’s always “there’s a new tiktok trend about kids doing xyz” and “teens need to stop being in blank fandom space”. and it hurts my feelings because i feel like there’s a lot of good kids out there. but people are obsessed with painting us as bad people, and monsters, and it makes me feel like there’s no potential anywhere. for any type of change. because nobody thinks that we can do anything but fuck everything up colossally. so those are my thoughts on that.

i wish i had something good to say, but i really don’t. i want to punch a wall and scream at the top of my lungs that i literally hate everything about everything, even if it isnt true. i feel trapped. that i cant say everything i feel to the people who matter most. and it’s not my fault, i know it isnt. but thats not stopping me from being in this tiny bubble.

[chocolate-parfait]

IM SORRY IN ADVANCE!!! It makes me feel horrible but like... 💀 for Mozart and Isaac... lowkey want Dazai but I think I’d rather die than to see his despair lmao. I hope hope youre well and take your vitamins~~

I'm (kinda) back for now!! Here ya go and sorry for the wait~

(TW; death and mentions of suicide)

☠️ How do they react when they find out their s/o is dead?

Mozart

Natural death:

The void caused by your departure is always there, lingering in his troath like the bitter aftertaste of a terrible medicine. Sometimes this tight and oppressing feeling squeezes his heart as if a sharp string constricting his whole being

The more you love someone, the more you find it difficult to move on one once they're gone. The same way, at least one part of Mozart's mind is always focused on the memory of you, your smile, your scent, the feeling of your touch. When his thoughts start overwhelming him as he's playing the piano, he suddenly changes tempo and transforms whatever he's playing into something more akin to a violent storm. Then, when he's finally relaxed a bit, the tune becomes what one would describe as a soft, light rain with a tinge of sadness underneath

Whenever he's not cooped up in the music room playing, he can be found wandering the empty halls of the mansion like a lost soul in purgatory. He's tired and his limbs feel heavy, and during the first months of his mourning he doesn't even have the force to throw his usual hard stares and harsh words at the other residents. After some time, despite his constant longing to see you, his mood improves ever so slightly, but he knows he probably won't be getting back to his tiptop shape anytime soon, not that he actually wants to. To feel happy without you by his side is almost a blasphemy to him, and this time he's not going to change his mind

Sudden death:

He will never be able to forgive himself for not protecting you. From the outside he's as pale and dull as the ashes left after a fire dies out, but underneath it all, there's a flame hotter than any star in the endless space, a raging storm of anger fueled by sorrow and utter desperation. Though he may not be as expressive, his music speaks volumes. His piano is now the only thing he focuses on, and anyone who passes by the music room can understand how well it must mirror the state of his soul. It becomes painfully clear how deeply affected he is even to Mozart himself when he nearly destroys some piano keys from hitting them with too much force. He doesn't really care, he just wants you to come back, but knowing how unlikely that is, he can do nothing but deal with his emotions in the only way he knows, through music

Once his overwhelming rage subsides, he's left with nothing but a dull ache that spreads from his heart and tightens in the coldest of embraces, the exact opposite of your warm and loving one

Ever since when you're no longer with him, no one has ever heard a happy tune coming from his piano ever again

Isaac

Natural death:

You're the first person who truly loved him, embraced him and supported him unconditionally, and after you decided to spend your entire lifetime with him, saying he feels grateful is an understatement. Of course there won't be a moment in which he won't be thinking of you nor missing you, but after the gloom and a talk with the other residents, he feels confident enough to try and face life again

This does not mean that the process is an easy one, and it takes him quite some time to get used to a life without you. He's so used to holding your hand and talking to you that sometimes he wakes up with the illusion that you'll be there to greet him. When he realizes that you're no longer there, his heart almost stops beating as tears start forming in his eyes

Sudden death:

He cannot forgive himself. Your death causes him to revert to his original hermetic state. His confidence is crushed, his heart hollow and his mind numb. He had always known he wasn't man enough to protect you, and now for his stupid mistake you had lost your life. If you hadn't met him you'd probably be somewhere happily smiling as you enjoy your life to the fullest. Though he feels guilty for doubting your love, his brain acknowledges that it's the very reason why you had to suffer so much

After uselessly pleading Comte to find a way to bring you back to life, he finally surrenders to the utter desperation that angrily whirled between the the walls of his heart. He starts neglecting his research, his job at the university, his own needs and hunger. More often than not he cries himself to a sleep haunted with nightmares and feverish visions of you. With you, a big part of him died, too, and there's no angel nor devil that can make him feel alive him anymore

Dazai

Natural death:

He had always known this day would've come, and surprisingly enough he's way calmer than what he thought he'd be. Maybe his brain hadn't yet fully realized what happened, but mostly it's because you had spent your whole life loving and protecting him from his dark and unhappy thoughts and tendencies, so now he couldn't bring himself to let your efforts be in vain.

Your positive energy has rubbed off on him, but though tries his best to smile it off, there's still a hint of desolation in his golden orbs. He's going to feel extremely lonely without you there, but he wants to try and keep up a front by focusing on the immense gratitude and love left in his heart for you. If he spent the rest of his days slumped over his tear stained pillow you'd probably feel really sad too, right? That's what he wants to believe and it pushes him to at least try pretending he's fine

Sudden death:

How could he be so blind and foolish to crave something so atrociously horrible during his life? Was this the salvation he had so much believed in? Dazai's heart fills with contempt towards life and destiny. All those times you told him life wasn't something that exists for the sake of atonement, he had believed you like a child would with their mother, but the truth was another

You, who didn't have any faults nor commit any sin, why was it you who had to pay the price for something you were not culpable of? But in his heart he knows the answer. The only mistake your pure soul could be accused of was loving him. He, who could not protect you. He, who had wasted an entire life running to reach the end as fast as possible, believing that all his wrongdoings would have been forgiven if he did so

But now what use does he have of all those worthless conjectures? Now that you are no longer there, now that he's left alone in his suffering, now he could perhaps embrace the cold end without the egotistical wish to be forgiven, but to meet you again instead

[blueeyedizaster]

Oh Christmas tree! I spend the early mart of November being so excited that Christmas is coming! I’m a child trapped in this adult body! Now it’s like okay when can I take all the decorations down now that it’s over! Although I’m a believer in bad luck since I’m the one who either has the bad luck or none at all so I keep the tree up until New Years Day. 😏Anyhoo, When i was a kid, life was so simple. Fun. Not complicated in the least, although as that child I thought the world was coming to an end. Christmas was a huge thing and my parents went all out! The decorations, the food, the gathering of family and friends. We would eat ourselves to death and play a card game called 99. Oh the memories , how I wish I could go back! It all started to change when my step dad ( who was my dad because that man raised me as his own and we were inseparable) left my mom after 16 years of marriage. My mom who was already becoming bitter became more like stone. Sense of humor out the door, always walking around so serious, unhappy, snobby, and always that resting bitch face! A couple of years later she again married. I said to my mom, “This go around don’t expect me to call this one dad”! He’s a really nice guy but sucked out all what fun my mom had left inside of her. Then my grandmother died and boy she was the main glue! Nothing has been the same! I have tried so hard to keep tradition from my childhood. The games, the food, the togethernesses and being to my grandchildren the fun I had when I was a kid. Ya know , simple down right out family fun! It doesn’t work! My mom and her hubby just sit around and ignore the fact I’ve asked a thousand times if we should play a game and NOTHING but crickets. No other adult in this family wants to play games, laugh, or play that gambling game 99! Sh$t , they could win a dollar from each player but nope! Getting high, taking naps, being a humbug while their faces are stuck in their phones, tablets and switches are more important. Ugggh im just all in my feels tonight but maybe in about 6 minutes I’ll have that contact high with mixed menopausal emotions and start laughing for no reason while my face is stuck in my phone 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 im going to whip this family into shape if it’s the last thing I do!

[loyally-unfaithful]

—; but “sentimental boy” is my nom de plume

word count: 1916

pairing: connor/gn!reader

genre: slight fluff; hurt no comfort

summary: it has been a year after the android revolution. humans and android alike settled down, an olive branch was offered as a sign of reconciliation. with newfound peace came along newfound love, and many open roads to choose from. this was no different for the rk800—connor. surprisingly or unsurprisingly, he decided to continue working at the dpd, this time as a bonafide detective. but he has also accepted the thrilling uncertainty of life that deviancy has brought; the same strings that brought his lover in his life.the same ones he hated and cursed, the same fates who ripped it all away.

a/n: everytime i convince myself i came out of my dbh hyperfixation i just look at connor and i become lovesick again.

gosh i know i should be finishing my other fic or work on the prologue script for my vn, but,,,,,,, i just had a sudden hankering for connor angst,,,,

written during a sleep deprivation induced moment of epiphany,,,,, (purple prose cuz im extra af uwu)

I’ve never written angst before so i’d love to hear your thoughts on it

maybe if you asked him one year ago whether he’d consider returning someone’s feelings, romantic feelings, he’d reply to you with a placid smile and a polite « i’m sorry, i wasn’t programmed to reciprocate romantic interest. ». he remembered that he’d sneer at them internally. now thinking about it, long before he questioned his obedience towards her, he already showed signs of deviancy.

you did what you were designed to do.

memories from his past would still torment him erratically, doubts would resurface on particularly dark days. but you were the light that cut through that haze. this wasn’t a “fake deviancy”. it couldn’t have been. not when he is holding your body so close to his, warmth radiating off of each other, two heartbeats—similar, but different—thrumming together. all the softly whispered and adoringly announced « i love you »’s; all the quick and coveted pecks and all the feverish and passionate kisses. no, he was alive, he was sure of it—alive and absolutely enamoured by you. all semblance of doubt ebbed away when you entered his life.

whenever he’s around you, he feels more alive: you make him feel everything, all the little precious things. tenderness and adoration when he shares tranquil mornings with you. he feels more alive when he’s with you, all the little habits and routines too endearing: the sweet post-it notes scattered over your shared flat; scribbled upon it are encouraging words or sweet nothings. conflicting work schedules meant that moments spent together were scarce, but that made them even more valuable and coveted. captivation, was another emotion that he felt around you. your mannerism, your dreams and interests, your physical attributes and quality of voice. logically speaking, you were just another human, insignificant in the grand scheme of things. you’d live and then one day, you’d die. as if you never really existed. but he wasn’t being logical. how could he be? when you were right there in front of him? you made him irrational, and he found that new aspect in life thrilling. confusing at first, but exciting. he was eternally grateful that you let him experience all these beautiful emotions with you. he was grateful that you allowed him in your short journey that you called life.

he was happy, absolutely content, with his shared life with you. you were both in perfect places in your respective lives: you both had a stable job, loving family backing you up, and a fulfilling love life. what seemed to be a mismatched couple at first turned to be 2 pieces of the same puzzle finally finding their place. life for the both of you couldn’t be better.

but along with the many exquisite moment that your romantic endeavours brought you, the android didn’t only taste the sweet delicacies of life; no matter how idyllic a moment may be, there were times when he had to taste the astringent and sour desserts life offered.

anger. that was an emotion that he felt. but that’s not accurate, no… it was frustration and shock and betrayal, all the unsavoury feelings in the world. perhaps it was due to his inexperience, maybe his lack of exposure to these negative sentiments, that caused him to snap the way he did. to hurt you the way he did. but it happened and there was no turning back the clock.

no matter how much he begged and cried for it.

he was proud that you got the job offer in canada, he really was. and he, like any other caring boyfriend would, offered to accompany you there, an offer which you gladly accepted. that was the plan. but plans were difficult to follow. crime waits for no man, working for the law meant that connor must always be available for duty. no excuses, he was an android. but connor wasn’t just a simple android detective, no, he had a much more important role: he was the link, the messenger, between jericho and the police force. he was the crucial communication between the two forces. so when jericho contacted him about threats of anti-android attacks, he had to make an appearance at their base. the meeting coincided with the day you were meant to travel to canada. it was a simple trip really. it only took a few hours by train, stay in canada for 2 days (it was the weekend), and then return back to detroit, probably arriving in the late afternoons to their home.

but you were looking forwards to traveling with your wonderful partner after « [we] spent so much time apart ». the day he told you the urgent change of plans, connor was tired, overwhelmed. you were frustrated and expectant. a fight was bound to have erupted. accusatory statements, along the lines of: « you don’t actually care about me! it’s all about work and work and work! » and « i can’t believe how selfish you’re being right now! » in between shouting and yelling and frustration and anger and contempt–

you both went to bed exhausted but spiteful, still not forgiving each other. in hindsight, he felt so utterly pathetic, so unbelievably childish, for being that cruel, and uncaring. he didn’t want to be like him again. so many glares and insults were thrown at each other, tears threatened to spill, LED flashed and shone a true red, doors were slammed. he felt awful, plain and simple. you both lied in the same bed, under the same cover. so close yet so excruciatingly far apart. back facing the other’s, no one said a word.

you woke up before him. bitter and unhappy. no morning kisses, no whispered « i love you » to wake your other half. you wordlessly got yourself ready, grabbed your bag and quietly snuck out. no post it notes were left. no sweet promises or encouraging words. you could do this work trip without him. you were independent. you didn’t need a tin can to chaperone you everywhere. so you left. plain and simple. gone. since you woke up and left earlier than planned, you boarded an earlier train. how lovely and convenient. the carriages were mostly filled with androids. perhaps they were trying to immigrate to canada like the others. who knows. you paid no mind and absentmindedly scrolled through your phone, obsessively checking your messages to see if connor realised. to see if he apologised. because frankly, at that point you were tired of being mad and just wanted to spend the day in his arms. but prideful and petty as you were, you weren’t willing to apologise and admit your mistakes first.

connor roused from stasis a few moments afterward, less bitter and more regretful. he wished to right his wrongs but the normally warm presence beside him was not there. his system was slowly booting back up when his audio sensor picked up an incessant ringing from the living room. he jolted up and rushed out to pick up the ringing phone call and waited for the other side to speak up.

the room was so utterly quiet, a silence so suffocating engulfed the room, that you could hear a pin drop. the voice on the other side asked whether this was indeed your house and that he was indeed connor anderson. he swallowed dryly and answered with a soft, « yes ». running a quick check in his database, he matches the caller’s voice with a certain nathaniel edwards. first responder. he allowed his HUD to display the news. if androids could get pale, have all their blood drain from their faces, his would have certainly done so. he stood, rigid and motionless, consumed by shock and horror.

the news and the first responder’s words blended into one as he gripped the phone tighter: « this morning, at 7:48 am the train from detroit to toronto was caught in a devastating turn of events: the train soon caught in fire and exploded as it made its way over the border. it has been confirmed that there has been 0 survivors. it is unclear whether this was an unfortunate accident or the result of anti-android terrorism. »

the other person’s voice poured through the speaker but he wasn’t listening. he stared blankly in front of him. no way, he thought, it couldn’t have been… the only sign that the android was registering the other man’s input was the now constant red LED.

« sir? sir. i’m sorry to bring this— – no, this isn’t right… you must have the wrong number, he interrupted. there were probably others with your name… maybe they were mistaken... – sir that’s not possible, w— – you must have gotten the wrong house… not… it-it couldn’t have been…» but he knew how improbable it was that they got the wrong number. he was built to be logical, to believe statistics. the statistics told him you were dead. long gone. he hoped and prayed that you stayed back, didn’t get on the earlier train. the statistics told him you did.

he choked out a response, quiet and defeated. you were gone. he’d never get to see you again. « i… i’m sorry… i-i don’t understand… – we tried our best to find them sir, but… the fire was too severe… if we gain any new developm— – you didn’t save them. »

still in a daze, he must have hung up on the poor man and unceremoniously dropped the phone. its clatter the only sound in this deafening silence. the reality of it all comes crashing through and he collapsed, ugly sobs escaping him as the denial faded away to make way for the pure and unfiltered grief. he felt lost. for the first time in a long while since amanda he felt so utterly and completely lost. no more shining beacon during his dark and stormy nights. no more valued affection and coveted kisses. no more notes and no more smile to come home to.

he laughed bitterly, devoid of any humour. it was funny, just how cruel the fates were: made human life so fleeting. lachesisonly gave them such a short eternity. and when he thought you both found your missing halves, bound to another by an invisible string, atropos cuts it. a small snippet that is so easily ripped away from you. he belonged with you, he felt at peace with you. he was able to be what he struggled to be for the majority of his miserable and artificial existence. with you, he was able to be happy.

but now he’ll have to get used to not coming home to a warm embrace. he’ll have to get used to going into stasis alone, in the cold bed. he’ll have to get used to his aching heart being greeted by an empty house. every cold and lonely  nights. it’s ridiculous how human he felt because of you. and he was both thankful and spiteful for it.

sadness and bitter regret ripped through him when he remembered that he didn’t  share goodbyes before he left. he remembered how he couldn’t have apologised to you and tenderly held you. he regretted not being able to tell you how much he loved you and how much you meant to him for the last time. ra9 only knows the things he’d do and the things he’d sacrifice, just to have you in his arms again.

instead he was faced with the bitter reminder that the last thing he’s ever said to you, your last memory of him, was a contemptuous and scornful « i wished i never met you ».

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