#or maybe i could wear it to see taylor swift next month?

[celenexox]

Just another Picture to Burn - Matt Sturniolo

summary: when your boyfriend matt cheats on you, but you couldn’t care less

warnings: breakup, swearing, minor violence

as matt walks into the house, you walk over to him and slap him across the face, chris and nick watching this unravel behind the two of you in shock

five minutes before this happened, you were called to the living room by your friends nick and chris

as you walk over to them coming out of matt’s room you hear chris say “y/n there’s something we have to show you”

nick and chris look worried, scared almost, you chuckle a little at the look of their worried faces, not knowing what’s about to come next

“what’s up guys? what’s up with the frowns?” you say, trying to lighten up the mood

as you walk over to them, chris hands you his phone, on it, a picture of your boyfriend matt, kissing another girl

you couldn’t believe your eyes, didn’t know how to react, what should you say?

“when was this?…” you say, barely above a whisper

“three days ago” nick answers softly

“okay, how do you know, maybe this was before we got together” you say to chris and nick, but honestly you’re just trying to convince yourself of that right now

you and matt have been dating for only three months, which is not that long, so that picture could have been taken before that, right?

“n- no y/n, this was three days ago, he was wearing that shirt three days ago, and that’s the day he went to that party without us” nick says

“he went to a party without us, without me? he doesn’t even enjoy parties” you say, trying to keep your composure

“okay so where is matt right now.” you demand to know, your whole demeanor has changed, you can’t let your friends think that you’re upset, that you’re weak, matt doesn’t deserve you like that for him

“he’s gonna be home any minute now, don’t tell him for now okay?” chris asks of you

“why not? i deserve to know more about what happened from him, not his brothers, he cheated on me! does that not seem insane to you??” you raise your voice at chris

suddenly, you’re interrupted by the door opening, matt walks in

you, nick, and chris are now all staring at him

you look at nick and chris before walking up to matt, sort of a warning

matt looks at you walk up to him quietly, confused at what’s happening

then suddenly you slap him across the face, creating a loud sound and a gasp from nick and chris

you’ve never laid a hand on matt before, and you didn’t think you would ever have to

“what the fuck? y/n, guys, what happened” matt says, still confused, his audacity and the fact that he hasn’t caught up yet surprising you

you walk away from matt, snatch chris’s phone out his hand and shove it in matt’s face with the picture still up

“this is what happens you bitch!” you say loudly, “how could you cheat on me! we’ve literally only been dating for three months you pig!”

matt’s face now red as a tomato, almost speechless and trying to gather up the right words to say in this situation “okay y/n i can explain”

“save it you bitch! i never want to see you again, im out, we’re done!” you say, and grab your things and head out

——————————————————————

it has now been two weeks since the two of you had broken up, and to be honest with yourself you weren’t that upset that he was out of your life, the only thing that really upset you was the fact that he wasted your time

and also ever since you and matt broke up, you haven’t spoken a single word to your friends nick and chris either, not because you’re mad at them, but because you’d be reminded of matt every time you’d see them, and you didn’t want that right now

suddenly you were bursted out of your thoughts with a knock on the door

you got up and opened the door, it was matt

you chuckle at the fact that he showed up here, no shame, no remorse for what happened between the two of you

“what the fuck are you doing here matt?” you say with a blank tone, you didn’t like the idea of matt being here at your house

“i messed up okay? and i miss you, i promise if you take me back i’ll never fuck up like this ever again” he says, all desperate sounding

you look him up and down a few times, “there’s no way you think that i think that little of myself, matt the pictures were everywhere, of you kissing another girl, that’s not me, while we were together”

“yeah i know but-“

you cut matt off

“let me finish, I’m never gonna make the same mistake again, you were just a waste of effort, i could have done so much more things with the time that i spent on you, now get the fuck out” you say and slam the door in his face

you knew that you never wanted to see him again, you realized that he loved himself and the thrill of a new girl more than he could ever just love you

you didn’t care what happened after this, you knew that he was just another picture to burn.

[fallinallincurls]

The Moment I Knew

a barzy fic!! i had the best time writing this for the eras tour challenge hosted by @wyattjohnston and @comphy-and-cozy! getting to combine two things i love (hockey and taylor swift) made this fic so much fun to write and i hope you love it as much as i do.

hope you enjoy!! feedback is always appreciated! xx

song: the moment i knew (taylor's version)

word count: 2.4k

This was not how this night was supposed to go.

Your friends decided to throw a huge party at one of the most popular rooftop bars in Manhattan for your birthday this year. They promised the view of the city was gorgeous, the drinks were amazing and the night was sure to be one to remember for years. It was the perfect excuse to finally wear the stunning dress you’ve been saving for months so to say the least, you were beyond excited to celebrate turning another year older.

What you didn’t expect, however, is the text you sent to Mat hours ago to go unread. It was just a reminder that the party started at eight and that you couldn’t wait to see him. But instead of receiving a message back that he would be there or even a simple red heart emoji, you got silence.

And that’s all you can think about now even though you’re surrounded by your closest friends who couldn’t be happier to celebrate you.

Despite the drinks that are flowing, the glittering New York City skyline and the hundreds of pictures that have been snapped to remember the night, you couldn’t focus on anything but the fact that the person who matters the most isn’t here.

He promised he would be.

Your eyes remain glued to the door waiting, hoping, to see him burst through the crowd wearing that signature “baby, I’m right here smile” he reserves just for you. Friends ask how you’re doing and you nod along, faking the happiness you should be feeling at the moment. But every time someone says his name or goes “Where’s Mat?” that sinking feeling in your stomach becomes more and more obvious because as the minutes tick by, it’s clear that he isn’t going to show up.

How could he? How could he forget?

Yes, Mathew Barzal may be the face of the New York Islanders franchise and one of the best players currently in the NHL, but outside of hockey, he’s yours. Your boyfriend, your light, the person who makes you feel at home no matter where you are as long as you’re with him. 

You vividly remember him grinning when he found out about the plan your friends put together. In your mind, you see the moment when he said “I can’t wait to celebrate my girl,” before he pulled you in for a deep kiss. It’s unlike him to just bail on something especially when he promised he’d be here and he knows how much this night means to you.

Yet, here you are, standing in your sparkly party dress with red lipstick on searching for the one thing missing from this perfect night. The man who holds your heart.

“Hey,” your best friend slides up next to you, gently shoving a rum and coke into your hand. With just a glance at her, you notice her smile isn’t as bright as usual. She must know something is up. “How are you holding up? Having fun?”

“So much. Thank you again for putting this together.” You say, hoping you disguise the sadness well enough she doesn’t pick up on it.

“It’s what you deserve.” She replies honestly and despite everything, you couldn’t be more grateful for her. Before you can express that feeling though, she continues speaking and what she says next breaks your heart a little bit more. “Is Mat coming? I’m surprised he isn’t here yet, but the night is still young.”

Tears prick at your eyes and it’s then you realize you aren’t the only one painfully aware of the handsome Canadian’s absence from the party.

“He said he would be.” It’s the only response you have. Deep down you don’t even know if he will actually be here tonight even if you’re holding onto every shred of hope. Maybe he’s running late and hasn’t looked at his phone in a long time. Maybe his phone died after he left and he’s on his way right now but you have no idea. There are a million excuses you could make, but something tells you that none of them are the reality of the situation.

What do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn’t show?

Feeling the overwhelming heartache well up in your chest, you excuse yourself from the conversation and head right toward the bathroom. That���s the one place you can fight these tears off and regain your composure without anyone else around. 

When you look in the mirror and stare down your reflection, another stab of pain shoots through your heart. The woman you’re looking back at should be so happy she can’t stop smiling, eyes full of wonder and nothing on her mind but having fun with the people who she loves so dearly.

Instead, you’re trying to stop the tears from falling so your makeup stays intact and hoping you can enjoy even a second of this fantastic party. This isn’t how tonight was supposed to go. 

And that’s when the anger sets in.

You and Mat may have only been together for six short months, but in that time, you have fallen head over heels in love with him. He’s been the most incredible boyfriend and you haven’t regretted giving your heart over to him. He hasn’t ever broken a promise or lied or did anything to make you feel unloved.

Until tonight.

And how dare he ruin something that was meant to be full of joy and unforgettable memories? How dare he do this to you and ruin a night that was about celebrating you? You shouldn’t be crying over him at your birthday party.

You deserve better than that.

Taking a deep breath, you freshen up your makeup and recite a pep talk in your head. This might be the worst pain your heart has ever endured, but you deserve to enjoy the night no matter what and that’s exactly what you’re going to try to do. 

Starting now.

As you step back out to the bar, you focus on everything but the gaping hole Mat has left on the night. The closer you get to where your friends are gathered, you spot a beautifully decorated cake sitting on the tabletop. 

“Y/N!” Your best friend calls out, waving you over with a beaming smile. It all happens in slow motion. Taking your place behind the cake with the candles lit waiting for you to make a wish. Everyone circling around and singing happy birthday to you. As you blow out the candles and make a wish amid the loud roar of applause, all you can think about is what’s missing. About who is missing.

The tall, brunette hockey player whose hazel eyes are always soft with admiration around you. 

You miss him even through the pain he’s caused tonight. But you savor every moment with your friends until it’s time to go home. After all the hugs, happy birthday wishes and goodbyes, you check your phone before gathering the gifts everyone brought. Still not a single text or call from Mat.

That’s the moment you know.

This is it.

You can’t dedicate yourself to a relationship just to not be cherished by a man who is too caught up in his own world to remember something as simple as your birthday. You deserve a better love than this.

The moment your apartment door closes behind you, a ringing fills the silence. Your phone. The screen is lit up with a picture of you and Mat after an Isles game, one of the first you attended as his girlfriend. You don’t overlook the fact that it took him all night to call. The party's over now and you know answering this call is going to result in him apologizing for not being there.

“Mat,” You say curtly when the call connects. Tears prick at your eyes again, but you push the emotions back in an effort to get through this conversation without breaking down. 

“Y/N,” Mat breathes out, his tone heavy but you can’t identify with what emotion. “I’m sorry, I didn’t make it.” 

“I’m sorry, too.” 

And that’s when you told him. Even though he was the right person, it was the wrong time and you couldn’t do this anymore. If you happen to run into him at some point in the future, the door isn’t closed on the possibility of being together again. 

For right now though, you bid the great love you had with Mathew Barzal goodbye. 

~~~~

It all happens in slow motion.

The DJ’s voice booms through the speakers in the ballroom announcing for the crowd to welcome Mr. and Mrs. Barzal to the dance floor for their first dance as a married couple. The fairy lights twinkle while the sound of steady applause and loud cheers erupt all around you. The familiar feeling of another’s hand, his hand, in yours somehow makes the smile on your face even brighter. 

You know this is the moment. The moment you’ve been dreaming of since you were a little girl, planning out the perfect song selection and wondering what your future husband would look like. The moment you watched in countless movies with stars in your eyes, waiting for the day you would get to experience that magical occasion.

Never in a million years would you have thought a professional hockey player with a heart of gold would’ve been the man you fall for and decide to spend the rest of your life with.

Yet, it feels like each step you take towards the dance floor hand in hand with the love of your life is slower and slower.

“You okay, love?” Mat whispers, pulling you in towards him as the soft notes of the carefully selected song begin to play. Your arms settle over his shoulders as you meet his gaze that’s full of nothing but adoration.

“More than okay. Just can’t believe today is real. That this dance is really happening right now.” You admit as a blush spreads across your cheeks. 

The smile that blossoms across Mat’s face is a sight that you never ever want to forget. He’s looking at you like you hung the moon and stars, pure happiness on display across his handsome facial features. For the millionth time, you wonder how you are lucky enough to be the one who gets to love him for the rest of your lives. 

“Well, I can confirm that today is very real and we are in fact dancing to our dream first dance song in front of everyone who cares about us.” Mat says happily, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he continues to lead you around the dance floor. “But I can also confirm that it’s a little unreal that we’re married now and I love you more than anything else in this entire world.” 

Without either of you saying a word, you both know why this feels unbelievable. That fateful night a few years ago where Mat missed your birthday celebration and everything came crashing down in an instant. Then, you never could’ve predicted this is where you’d end up in the future. But you’re so grateful that it worked out the way it did.

You’re married to Mat. The man of your dreams. The one who has won your heart and made your life brighter by just existing. It’s both a shock but the best thing to ever happen to you. 

“What are you thinking about?” Mat asks softly, lips brushing your temple as you continue to sway together. 

“This used to feel like a distant dream after everything that happened. But I’m so glad everything worked out in our favor because this is all I’ve ever wanted since we met.” You whisper, looking up at him. His hazel eyes are soft with love and your heart skips a beat just looking at him. Your husband.

“I never told you, but that was the moment I knew.” Mat replies, voice quiet but full of emotion. “That was when I knew you were the only one for me. I had a pretty good idea before everything happened, which was all my fault, but losing you like that was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. Not having you by my side was my new worst nightmare and my heart was completely broken. But I knew when you ended the call that night, you were my everything and I was an idiot for messing it up. I knew being with you after that would be a stretch, but I am still eternally grateful that we found our way back to each other and are here right now.” 

Shock ripples through you as Mat’s admission processes in your mind. Through all these years, he’s never given an inkling that he went through all that pain after the breakup that night. But knowing that moment was when he realized he loved you more than anything and would do anything to get you back made a wave of emotions hit you all at once.

You raise a hand to his cheek and gently rub a thumb across his skin. Tears prick at the back of your eyes as you gaze at him. How lucky are you that the love of your life came back to you? After all the pain that happened from that one night, he learned from it, became a better person and brought the love you both deserve to life?

“Me too, you have no idea.” You murmur, an adoring smile blooming across your lips before leaning in to kiss Mat as if no one was watching.

Cheers erupt from the crowd watching the two of you dance which pulls you back to the present. The last notes of the song fade out and Mat spins you around just to finish the dance with a dramatic dip before kissing you once again. Nothing but pure happiness and love surrounds you as you try to commit every detail of this moment to memory.

“Want to know something?” You ask Mat while reaching for his hand to continue dancing as the space around you fills up with the guests who want to join in on the fun.

“Always, baby.” 

“This is the moment I know that I will be incredibly happy and loved for the rest of my life. Because I’m with you.”

And there you are, standing in your wedding dress with red lipstick on and everyone around you singing along to the song blasting through the speakers as the person who means the most to you stays by your side all night. The gold band on his left hand glittering in the light is a constant reminder that nothing is missing. In fact, it couldn’t be more perfect. 

[lanadelreyismyfav]

Ofc I can 🫶🏼🫶🏼

This is a Walker scobell x fem reader!

Walker had been filming for Percy Jackson for months you miss him so much but you still visit his house to see Leeana his sister.

You And Leena were best friends ever since you Walker started dating she was always so sweet to you. And today you guys plan to hang out.

You get dressed, you slip on one of Walker hoodies that he left behind and you slip on some leggings and some Jordans (if you aren’t comfortable or don’t like the outfit you can imagine you’re wearing something else <3)

You get to the house “Bye mom!”

“Bye Sweetie” Your mom says smiling at you

“Have fun!” She says again all you do is nod back at her

(Time skip)⏭️

You and Leena had been hanging out for a while now, And you had gone to the kitchen to get some snacks and while you were getting snacks you happen to run into Walkers mom

“Hi Ms Scobell” you said smiling at her

“Hi sweetie, how are you?” She says smiling at you

“I’m good, I just miss Walker” you say looking down kinda sad

“Well he’s gonna be home soon sweetie I promise” she says sweetly looking kinda like she’s thinking of something

“Well I have to go back to Leena, see you soon Ms Scobell” you say as you start to walk away to hang out with Leena again

“See you soon sweetie” she says smiling

(Walkers mom POV)

As I start to walk back to the living room after talking to Y/n I start to think maybe we could talk to her parents and plan something to surprise Y/n and Walker so they can see each other again

“Hey honey” I say to my husband

“Hey babe” My Husband says

“You know, Maybe we could get Walker home early for a couple days” I say looking at my husband curiously

“Yeah I mean we probably can, but why do you want him home early?” My husband says with a confused look on his face

“Well I was talking to Y/n and she misses Walker a lot and I do to so maybe we could get him home and surprise them with each other, we would have to talk to Y/n’s parents though” I say hoping he says it sounds like a good idea

“Well yeah we would have to call Y/n’s parents and ask them if we could all set something up for them to see each other, but I don’t see anything wrong with it we would just have to talk to the producers about it” my Husband says smiling at me

“Yes that’s sounds perfect I’ll call Y/n’s parents and you call the producers ok?” I say picking up my phone to call

“Ok well I will call the producers right now then as well” My husband says smiling and picking up his phone

(Your POV)

You and Leena have a sleepover that night so now it’s the next morning and you had to wake up early and leave because your little sibling had a soccer game so you had to leave

“Bye Leena” you say hugging Leena as you walk away

“Bye Y/n” Leena says hugging you back as you walk away

(Time skip) ⏭️

So it had been a couple weeks since you had hung out with Leena and Walker was still gone filming or was he Walkers mom and dad had pulled some strings and got Walker home for a couple days but you didn’t know that but your mom did

(Walkers mom POV)

“Hey Walker we’re going somewhere tonight so dress nice” I say to my son Walker

“Um ok well we’re are we going mom?” Walker asks me looking curious

“Well it’s a surprise honey” I say smiling at him

“Um ok” Walker says looking confused

(YOUR POV)

You were just hanging out in your room and your mom walked in

“Hey honey we’re going somewhere tonight so dress nice ok” your mom says smiling at you

“We’re are we going mom?” You say kinda confused

“It’s a surprise ok” your mom says walking out of the room

“Well ok” you say as you start to get ready

You throw on a pink casual dress and some pink Jordan’s, you curl your hair and put on some light makeup (and again if you don’t like the outfit you can change it if your not comfortable <3)

Your mom and you get into the car and she drives you to some fancy restaurant and You didn’t think anything of it she probably was just taking you out for a dinner or something.

You and your mom walk in to get a table but turns out you guys already had a reservation

You and your mom start to walk to the table with the waiter

“Thank you sir” your mom says to the waiter he gives her a nod as you and her take a seat at a pretty big table

“Mom it’s just me and you, why do we have such a big table” you say curiously

“Well you’ll see honey” your mom says looking kinda sneaky

You were just playing on your phone when suddenly you see someone from the corner of your eye you didn’t think much of it at first but then some people sat with us and of course you look up to see who’s sitting with you

You look up and you see Walker

“Walker!” You say excitedly

“Y/n!” Walker says back to you

You and Walker run to each other give each other one of the biggest hugs ever

“I’ve missed you so much Walker” you say as you hug Walker

“I’ve missed you to Y/n” Walker says as he looks up from the hug and gives you a quick kiss on the lips

You’ve missed his hugs and kisses for so long you’ve just missed him so much

As he kisses you, you hear something

“Aww you guys are such love birds” Leena says teasing you and Walker

“Shut up Leena” Walker says annoyed and embarrassed blushing

So for the rest of the night you and Walker sit next to each other and catch up with each other so when it was time to leave you gave Walker one of the biggest hugs and kisses ever

“I’ll talk to you later ok Walker” you say smiling at him

“Ok well I’ll text you when I get home” Walker says looking at you in awe

“Ok love you” you say you and Walker have never said I love you to each other so you we’re excited to see his reaction to your words

“I-I-I love you to y/n” Walker says stuttering nervously as he looks at you blushing you give him one more hug and Walker to your car with your mom.

-The end

I hope you guys enjoyed

And if you have any advice for writing I would appreciate it but if you don’t that’s totally fine 🫶🏼🫶🏼

Hope you have an amazing day/night 🫶🏼

And you can leave more requests in the comments if you want

Love you guys byeee 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼💞

[fuctacles]

Trans is fine, but you better not be a Swiftie!

For @subeddieweek Day 5 | T | 1502 | cw: hinted transphobia | transfem Steve, PDA, rockstar Eddie, jealousy, possesive Stevie, bitchy Stevie | Ao3 Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Ao3

It took the whole of Corroded Coffin to convince her to go to the concert. It may make her sound like an unsupportive girlfriend, but she hasn't been to any of their gigs in months. Eddie never complained about it, aware that metal concerts aren't for everyone, even if they do like the music. She's also hit a weird stage in her transition when she didn't feel like going to public events. 

But here she was, at their first solo concert, no festival to crutch on. In the newest band t-shirt, one she saw through every stage of designing, her tits barely making a dent (Eddie had a different opinion on that topic), while two skanks next to her had her cleavages on full display in their tiny cut-up t-shirts.

They were in the VIP lounge, waiting for the band to emerge from backstage. Stevie could have been there with them, but the rush and heat behind a concert like this gave her a worse headache than the actual music. So instead, she had to sit there with two textbook examples of a groupie. And one of them looked meaner than Carol, back from high school, when she didn't get her chocolate pudding.

"You sure you're in the right place?" one of them finally speaks up.

Stevie looks pointedly at her band t-shirt. 

"Is this not a Taylor Swift concert?" she asks, eyes going wide. The second girl presses her lips, holding back a laugh. The first one narrows her eyes, though. 

"Don't sass me, girlie, you know what I mean," she hisses. "Wearing plain jeans and a hoodie to meet Eddie Munson? That's so disrespectful."

Stevie wouldn't call her jeans plain. They were expensive mom-cut and made her ass look good. The girl didn't need to know she treated them like a premium version of sweatpants. And the hoodie was Eddie's. He gave it to her before going on stage tonight. 

She shrugs off her words.

"I don't think he'll mind."

The girl scoffs. 

"Oh, he's too nice to say anything, but he'll know you're a poser. Who goes to a metal concert dressed like that? He'd never go for you."

Stevie raises her eyebrows, taken aback.

"Excuse me?"

"Excuse you," the girl barks back, nonsensically. Her friend touches her arm as if giving her a sign to back dial it down, but she either doesn't notice or chooses to ignore her. "You don't look like you're here for the music, hell, you probably can't name a single song!"

(Stevie named some of them herself.)

"So you must be here for Eddie," she concludes with a sneer. 

"Well, I am here for him," Stevie deadpans truthfully. This seems to further fuel her VIP lounge companion.

"Keep dreaming. He's into real metalheads," she says haughtily, popping the collar of her battle vest. It's so cartoonish it takes everything from Stevie not to burst out laughing. "What do you even listen to? Country?"

"Taylor Swift, I already told you."

"See, Eddie hates normies like you. Swifties are so fucking mainstream, you'll just embarrass yourself. Maybe you should go," she suggests with a pointed look.

Stevie gives her a pitying smile back. Clearly, she wasn't as big of a fan as she claimed to be if she hadn't seen the photos of Eddie in official Taylor Swift merch that were trending just a couple of months ago. 

"Eddie's looking for someone real, not a fake bitch like you."

She was going to play nice, but that was taking it too far. She felt her hackles rise and her face turned into a frown.

But before she could say anything, the second girl slapped her friend on the chest.

"What the fuck, dude?! You can't just say shit like that!"

"Like what?!" She slaps her back. "Do you think she actually cares about their music? She screams fake pop shit!" She throws her hand back, motioning at Stevie.

Who was too taken aback to react at this point.

"Fuck, I thought you were being transphobic." The girl lets out a nervous laugh. "Sorry."

"What?" The first girl takes a glance back at Stevie like she hasn't noticed before. It was kind of flattering, considering she wasn't that far in her transition, but she wouldn't take an idiot's oversight as a compliment. "I don't care about that! Mainstream music is a bigger sin than being transgender!"

"I'll drink to that."

The band chose this moment to appear at the steps to the lounge, Eddie raising the water bottle in his hand in a mock cheer. 

"Eddie!" The two girls stand up in unison, and it takes all of Stephanie's willpower not to roll her eyes. Instead, she gives a wry smile to Jeff, who seems to be in a similar state of mind.

"We're here too, you know," he murmurs under his breath. 

Gareth nudges his arm.

"Well, I'm glad they're not here for me," he whispers back.

Stevie snorts after hearing that, but the girls are none the wiser, too preoccupied with their beloved frontman.

"Hello ladies, hope you didn't wait too long," he greets them, accepting their enthusiastic hugs and letting them kiss his cheek. 

Stevie keeps her face carefully neutral.

"It's okay, we know you're exhausted after the concert." The first girl smiles sweetly at him, and it's becoming increasingly difficult for Stevie not to gag at the shift in attitude. "I'd wait the whole night to meet you." She might need a bucket right now.

Eddie laughs nervously, taking a step back to put some distance between them.

"Ashley and Xena, right?" he asks.

"I'm Xena!" The girl exclaims, clearly proud of her unusual name. Stevie does roll her eyes this time.

Gareth appears in front of her, snickering, and she punches him softly in the thigh before raising the same fist to fist bump him. He offers her the tray of cookies he picked up from the table.

"Hi. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." She shrugs and picks up one of the cookies. "Thanks."

He nods and retreats to one of the couches. There are three of them, set up in a triangle around a table with snacks and drinks. Which is very convenient, making Stevie think Chrissy has planned it out.

"You already know them, but it's rude not to introduce my friend." Eddie grins, making room for the rest of the band to properly greet the fans. "This is Jeff, Gareth, and Grizzly the Teddy-bear. He gives the best hugs," he says with a grin. Ted rolls his eyes.

"Just Ted is fine. But I do give the best hugs." He grins.

Eddie leaves them to it and finally goes to sit next to his girlfriend, throwing his arms over the back of the sofa and sinking into the cushions.

"I'm so tired," he groans. 

"Too tired to greet me properly?" she asks with a raised eyebrow. She can feel the eyes of the other girls on them.

"Never." Eddie raises his head immediately. "Sorry, baby." He leans in to kiss her on the cheek, but she moves her head away.

"I said properly," she repeats, but her tone shifts into her more authoritative one. He hesitates for a millisecond, but his eyes don't even shift away to look at their surroundings. Stevie enjoys the power trip, seeing him uncaring of who's looking and where they are.

"Of course, sorry," he amends, straightening up to go in for a proper kiss.

He lets out a surprised whimper when she dominates it immediately, grasping his chin and claiming his mouth like she's been starving for it throughout the whole concert. Eddie goes limp in her grasp, but she wants to make it clear who he belongs to. She grabs his knee possessively, angling him even more towards her, and her other hand moves from his chin to his hair. His locks are damp with sweat after the concert, but she doesn't mind, because it's exactly how she likes him. Dirty, unkempt, falling apart under her hands. 

She tugs at his hair, messing further the haphazard bun he's tied it into. He sighs, melting further into her, and it makes it easier to grasp his thighs and pull him into her lap. They finally part with a wet smack, and she can look into her boyfriend's glossy eyes.

"There's my good boy," she praises. "Hi."

"Hi," he croaks back with a dazed smile.

"Booo, get a room!" one of their friends speaks up. 

Eddie groans and hides in the crook of her neck, too weak from the kiss to face the teasing yet. So Stevie takes over the social interaction for him, lacing her hands together at the small of his back while he collects himself. She sticks out her tongue to Gareth.

"Shut up, we'll behave now," she says, before turning to the two girls, her jaws shattered on the floor and there to stay for her to stomp on. She smiles charmingly at them. "You guys were saying?"

Shameless plug: @stevieweek

[sofiareidings]

Is That A Hickey Or A Bruise?

Summary: You show up to work with a hickey on your neck and it raises a few questions from your coworkers.

A/N: Soooo...I've been gone for a while. I've had such bad writers block for like two months. It's still really bad, so idk how active I will be. Even though I couldn't bring myself to write coming online and seeing all of your likes and resposts always bring a smile to face. So thank you and I hope you enjoy this little blurb! <3

Word Count: 400~

Song Suggestions: Dress - Taylor Swift

A quick check in the car mirror and a deep breath were all you could do before walking inside. Sitting down at your desk and immediately diving into any type of paperwork, you raised a few people's curiosity.

“How was your night?” Emily turned in chair, ready to try and figure out the need to be so quiet today. Which was unusual for you. “Did you not sleep well?”

“Yeah, I guess. Just uh…couldn't fall asleep.” You nodded and then looked back down at your paperwork.

“What's up with the turtleneck? Never seen you wear something like that.” JJ stated while standing at the corner of your desk, exchanging a quick look with Emily.

“What? Not allowed to wear something different?” You tried to shrug it off, when you heard some footsteps behind you. Turning to see Spencer walking to his desk, quickly looking away as your face turned red.

“Hmm…you know that's the oldest trick in the book right?” Emily crossed her arms and gave you a look from her desk, probably already having figured it out.

“What's the oldest trick in the book?” You asked Emily, giving her the same look. A staring contest that luckily JJ broke.

“This, sweetie.” She reached over and tugged at the collar of your top. Your immediate reaction was to shoo her away, but she saw it. The purple-ish mark on your neck. “Wow, bigger than I expected.”

“Shut up, shut up. Don't talk about it.” You panicked and grabbed her hand. Pleading. This caught the attention of the other people in the office. Mainly Derek and Spencer.

“Well I think you are about to be interrogated by that one.” JJ said while holding back a laugh and nodding to Derek who was now trying to assess the situation.

“What aren't we talking about?” He said from his desk, most likely trying to profile the answer out of you, JJ, and Emily. “What's with the turtleneck…oh my God.” He laughed.

“I'm telling Hotch I'm sick and going home.” You said while trying to hide the embarrassment.

Derek stood up while still laughing and walked over to Spencer, reaching a hand out for a fistbump. “Pretty boy. My man.” He said through laughs. Spencer shook his head, not reaching his hand out. “Ouch, that hurts Reid.”

Once people settled down a little bit you stood up and walked over to Spencer's desk. Handing him some files and leaning over to whisper something. “Maybe next time don't be so harsh.”

“Maybe next time, don't be so obvious about the hickey.” He whispered back with a smile. You sighed and shook your head before walking back to your desk. Completely embarrassed.

[nervoushottee]

August | Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: Eddie is your Augustine (August by Taylor Swift)

Warnings: unexpected kiss

Note: I honestly think this fic might be the best one I’ve written for this little series so far (despite I’ve only written one since this one) maybe it’s because August is literally my FAVORITE song I love it so much. I normally do not write for Eddie but something about him….my fingers couldn’t stop typing. This fit him so much in my opinion.

THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR 200 FOLLOWS!

Anyway, Enjoy!!

(To get into the mood of the story, it helps to listen to August by Taylor Swift while reading)

Series Masterlist

If someone told Eddie Munson that one day you and him would become friends, he would think you were smoking too much green.

You were a good friend to him but Eddie couldn't help but like you more than that. He knew about you before you were friends, see you in class or in the hallways tucked under Steve. He thought you were beautiful but he knew he didn’t stand a chance against “The Hair”. He would see you two on the weekends sometimes when he needed to get a movie. You perched up on the counter in Family Video right next to the register, stealing quick kisses from Steve while he worked. So when the two of you became good friends it was as if he won the lottery. That shocked yet happy feeling of “I can’t believe this was happening to me”.

If that alone had Eddie so happy and making sure to cherish being friends with you because he didn’t think he was worthy of your time. That this friendship was unexpected, the moment you kissed him was ten times worse.

He had heard a month or so later that you and Steve had broken up. Robin being the one who blabbed and accidentally telling him. (When that girl smokes she gets a lot more talkative then she already is). He didn’t push or pry like how your other friends did. Them demanding details or constantly asking if you were okay. Eddie felt like he didn’t need to do that. If he were in your shoes, he would want no one to ask him any questions. Because it was actually none of their business. So he did just that.

He spoke to you how he normally would, joked to you how he normally would and he could tell you were grateful. You spent a lot more time with him after that. He didn’t ask questions or constantly ask if you were okay when the two of you saw Steve pass by. He assumed you preferred the sense of normalcy you felt around him.

So when the school year ended and summer rolled around, the two of you were thick as thieves. You got a summer job at the farmers market and on your breaks you would bike over to the garage where Eddie worked. You’d bring him lunch, grocery bags filled with sweet peaches, cold cut sandwiches and a large soda to share. You would also bring Wayne a treat or two from time to time since he forbade you from bringing him lunch also. Saying that he was just grateful that Eddie was eating and that was that.

The two of you would sit in the back of his van for lunche. The door swung open, feet dangling off the edges as the two of you ate and talked. He preferred you like this, warm and sunkissed. Peach juice staining your lips, dribbling down your chin. On instinct, he wipes the sweet liquid from your chin with his thumb. You don’t think anything of it due to how close the two of you had gotten. From drooling on his shoulder in the middle of your movie nights or that one time you got sick and threw up in his van. You simply hum out a thank you and continue chewing.

But Eddie doesn’t move his thumb, he wipes there slowly still. You turn to him and ask what’s wrong but the words don’t come out as Eddie kisses you.

He kisses you quickly before moving away. He didn’t know why he did it and he honestly shouldn’t have risked it. You’re the best thing that's ever happened to him and he didn’t want to jepordize that by kissing you if you didn't reciprocate his feelings. But he just loved how you looked sitting in the back of his van, wearing one of his shirts that you tied in a way to fit you better. Despite the deep regret filling his gut, something about it just felt right.

You looked at him shocked but didn’t say anything so Eddie did the only thing he knew he was good at. Making bad jokes at the wrong time.

“Yours taste better than mine. Wanna switch?” he asks, gesturing to his peach. His heart skips a beat when you let out a small laugh and go along with it. Swapping your half bitten peach for his.

When you are done with your shifts at the market, you always peddle back to the car garage so you can put your bike in his van so Eddie can take you home. Thankfully, despite the kiss, today wasn’t any different. The two of you went back and forth singing some song on the radio with the windows down. When he pulls in your driveway and watches you unbuckle your seatbelt. He thinks this is the last time he’s going to do this, that he ruined it with the kiss.

He takes a deep breath in preparation of you saying your final goodbye to him and not wanting to be around him anymore but is shocked once again, when you lean over the console to kiss him.

You kiss him longer this time, putting more initiative into it. You taste faintly of the peach you both ate and the icecream you had finished minutes before getting in his van.

When Eddie opens his eyes, your cheeks are warm and with a hint of pink as you look at him with a smile. “See you tomorrow Munson.” you say to him before getting out of his van and walking to your front door.

He didn’t know what was to come this summer, let alone tomorrow. But he knows for sure that he’s excited to do it all with you.

— — — —

August came and went too quickly than Eddie would prefer. Summer was coming to a close.

You and Eddie were…something. You didn’t put a label on it and Eddie didn’t dare ask the “what are we?” question. He was just happy that it happened. Happy that you kissed him back that day in his van.

Summer was filled with you and warm skies. The two of you would hang out like you normally would, but this time Eddie could kiss you and hold you like he always wished. You cheeks were always pink when you were around him. You could blame it on the summer heat but Eddie secretly wished it was because of him.

He knows though that all good things will come to an end. You talk about Steve now, you didn’t when you both first became friends. And Eddie isn’t jealous or possessive, he knows his place. He isn’t stupid to think that you don’t love Steve. What the two of you had, anyone could assume that the two of you would have gotten married in the next few years or something.

So Eddie doesn’t falter or get upset when you shyly bring him up. He urges you to continue, because before all this, before the long makeouts in his bed or the quickies in his van. You were friends first.

And if he was going to lose you from being… whatever it was that you were to each other. He would want to still stay friends.

Despite that, he enjoys his days with you. He enjoys the summer.

You coming to rehearsal for Corroded Coffin. Or just hanging out with Wayne and watching a movie with him when Eddie tells you he’s working late. Joining in on Hellfire Club instead of just watching from the sidelines. (You were still very confused with the game so the kids and Eddie made you the dice holder. Giving it a kiss of good luck before handing it off to whoever needs it)

Wayne worries for Eddie. He always does, its in the description of being a parent/guardian. He asks about you and asks Eddie if you’re his girlfriend. But Eddie doesn’t answer, he doesn’t know. (He does).“We’re just having fun.” he would say. And it wasn't a lie, you were. Eddie couldn’t count on hand how much he’s laughed and smiled when you’re around and vice versa.

But he knows, this will all end soon. He can feel it. When he sees you talks to Steve briefly when he drives past Family Video. Or when you don’t come over to the trailer as much as you used to. Any day now you will go back to Steve, and Eddie’s made peace with it.

Sure it will hurt like hell when it happens, but all he wants is for you to truly be happy. And if it’s not with him then he hopes it’s with some like Steve Harrington.

So he will miss your laugh. Miss seeing you wear his shirts to sleep. You singing the songs that his band plays, being the only “groupie” at the front of the stage at The Hideout. He will miss the way his skin felt against yours, how soft your lips are against his when you whisper his name.

He will miss how cute you were in your shorts and short tanks to bask in the summer heat. He knows this won’t last, whatever this was between you too will be gone as quickly as it happened. But he will enjoy it right now, he won't think too much about it. He will be at your beck and call whenever you need. He will answer every late night phone call, will arrive at every late work shift you have, will be your shoulder to cry on until you don’t want him anymore.

Because if this is the only way he can have you, he will devour it whole, until there is nothing left.

[tangerinesilk]

－ I CAN SEE YOU : TANGERINE X FEM!READER

tangerine is going on a solo mission… well, at least he thinks he is. with lemon missing by his side, he’s left with one other option that is supposed to make his job easier. unfortunately for him, you’re not the easiest to work with. stubborn, strong-minded and feisty. you’re both so alike yet nothing has made your bloods boil more than each other. 

rating ✷ r (18+ minors dni!)

warnings ✷ (very quick) smut: fem receiving, kisses all over bodies, a needy but quick hj, p in v, dirty talk, praising, implied rough (consensual) sex / others: cursing, drinking alcohol, mention and use of guns and violence, male hurting female (?) but not between main characters, mentions of blood and wounds.

tropes ✷ enemies to lovers!!!, person a is all talk no bite + person b knows that but still pushes them, playful banter, hiding together in small spaces, fake dating (?), if one is hurt– the other goes a bit crazy, says ‘i dont care’ then cares 5 seconds later. 

word count ✷ 6k!

songs that fit the vibe ✷ i can see you - taylor swift | moth to a flame - swedish house mafia + the weeknd | king of my heart - taylor swift | attention - charlie puth | nonsense - sabrina carpenter

a/n ✷ so i made a poll a months ago and this trope + pairing won! i’ve honestly been wanting to write a dave lizewski one as well and got a request idea. so.. we will see lmao. i will probably post then maybe edit later if there's still things i don't like... also, if you couldn't tell but im kind of a swiftie so i will love to write fics inspired by whole ass albums y'all.

but i hope this is what u guys expected and wanted. i actually do love writing for tangerine. just gives into my delulu thoughts. also, if you guys would like a plain pwp fic and not all of this fluff and dialogue stuffed inside, pls let me know bc i am definitely into that idea. 🫡

“You had to go and get yourself shot… then you wonder why you have to wear a bulletproof vest. Fuckin’ hell.” 

Tangerine kept his voice at a hushed tone, basically talking under his breath as he strutted through the grand hall of the hotel. Golden light glossed over his figure, passing by couples who were at standing tables with their cocktails.

“Well, Thomas said-”

“Thomas didn’t say shit. Don’t get me fuckin’ started now.”

Lemon already knew Tan was in a bad mood. Another Thomas the Tank Engine factoid wasn’t a playful move right now.

“Hey, mate. Don’t get all fussy wit’ me. You’re just mad about your new partner for the night.” Lemon rolled his eyes.

“Can’t believe I can’t be held accountable of myself. I can handle it on my own but you had to call the fuckin’ princess-” 

“She’s good. Your denial is obnoxious, bruv. It’s only a night, you get in and get out.” Lemon replied, holding his wounded side as he laid in his bed back in England, “What happened between you two that you’ve got beef like this?”

“No time to explain nor do I have the patience.” He arrived at the small bar to the side of the room, “If I leave her behind, can I take half the pay that’s supposed to be hers?” Tangerine asked.

“She’s supposed to be wearing a red dress. You’ll see her there… and please don’t cause a scene.” His brother begged.

“No promises.” He replied before hanging up. 

Tangerine blows a sigh past his lips, quickly asking for his drink of choice before scanning the mass of people around him. His blue eyes could only search so fast for the man that the hit was called on, causing him an instant frustration when he’s already worried about you ruining things regardless of how long you’re together.

“He’s next to the woman in the tacky gold ballgown… about two feet away from the ice sculpture.” Your soft voice suddenly spoke next to him, “But, I didn’t need to tell you that, right?”

The smirk on your face burned at his nerves and you noticed the clench in his jaw.

“Well, if it isn’t the fuckin’ Queen herself.” He said in a stern tone, “What? Germany was too borin’ for ya? Had to figure out a way to ruin someone’s operation?”

“Lemon is the one who called me in, and it isn’t about you. It’s about the pay out… you’re bound to screw something up with your ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ tactic.” You trailed, rolling your eyes as you turned your head away.

“And I’m certainly not afraid to use that tonight and not your fucked up, painfully long mind games like some fuckin’ psycho thilling killer.” He spat as his drink was place in front of him.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “Fuck you.”

“Darling, I’m flattered, but we have more important things to do right now.” He lowly groaned, purposefully looking at his target so his back was facing toward you.

Behind his tall stature, you glimpsed past his shoulder and saw your target chatting up a woman. 

He won’t be smiling for long, you thought.

“Alright, I’ll wait for him to slip away, follow him and you go through the kitchen.” Tangerine said under his breath, keeping quiet for only you to hear him.

“To go where?” You ask, walking around him to stand face to face.

“Erm…” He sighed, “Whatever car or vehicle you got here in, drive yourself back to whatever place you’re staying and I’ll figure out how to wire you the money.” He shrugged, downing the rest of his drink.

He took a step but you placed your hand on the center of his chest, “Not so fast. I’m not going down if you make a mess of this.”

“I don’t make messes. Well, actually, I get away with them once I’ve done ‘em so, I don’t need to worry about a liability.” Tangerine smirked, a bit of a tilt to his head. Cheeky bastard.

“The only liability here is the one who is ready to pull the trigger in his back.” You said before huffing, “I’m not sorry for what happened in Paris, but that was my choice. So, I’m going with you because it’s our operation. You know… I don’t need a fucking helping hand either.” You practically growled.

The two of you held a long gaze, creating a tense eye contact before he sighed, “Didn’t even say anythin’ about Paris, but if you’d like to assume I’m still mad ‘bout that, be my guest, princess.”

His shoulder bumped yours, making you clench your jaw before quickly following behind his tall stature. While he seemed persistent, you grabbed his hand which made him stop in his tracks in the middle of the dance floor.

He turned, “Am I your babysitter?”

“No, you’re my date. Hold my hand, you idiot.” Your eyes pierced through his.

As he looked down at your hand, he slowly grasped it, your fingers intertwining with one another’s before he proceeded through the glamorous crowd.

Couples swayed and waltzed between each step you took, assuming you were unnoticed by your target. Tangerine kept his eyes on him, easy to with the frosty-white full head of hair he had slicked back. The woman in the tacky dress ran her hand down his shoulder, pressing her lips to his ear to whisper something which made you and Tangerine veer to the side at a standing table.

“Are they movin’?” He asked, facing his back toward them.

Your eyes smoothly shift, taking a quick glance at the assumed couple. You ran your hand down Tangerine’s arm, accidentally feeling how toned his bicep was through the thick fabric of his suit jacket. You almost glanced down, wanting to give another squeeze before clearing your throat. A heat rose on your cheeks as you turned your head to face away from him.

“Y-Yeah, near the bathroom. There’s also a backdoor that leads up to the second floor… lots of private rooms for reasons that are obvious.” You said in a hushed tone, moving away from him to the other side of the table.

“Alright, since you wanna tag along, I’ll follow them and you cover the door.” Tangerine suggested once again.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “You do understand what teamwork is, yes?”

He chuckled, “Yes, I go up there, shoot a few rounds, then we make a getaway.”

“Will you just trust me?”

“Your trust means nothing… I need to know you’re not going to fuck anything up. Just like in Paris.”

You smirked, “So you do have that against me.”

“Well, it’s not like it was your best. Leave me with a shot in the arm, Lemon on the ground and you, little miss greed, get away with your cash. If we all did this job for money, we wouldn’t be riskin’ our lives just runnin’ around killin’ or resucin’ people just for someone’s dime. You obviously do though.”

You narrowed your eyes, “You don’t know me…”

“Nor do you know me so…” He huffed, “Let’s just do what we have to do.”

There was tension between you, as if there was more fo a protective instinct than hate toward one another. You couldn't figure out Tangerine’s deal. Why was he so hostile toward you? Yes, what happened in Paris was fucked up, but he wasn’t the type to hold a grudge. He didn’t take shit from anyone, so why were you getting under his skin?

“Shit!” He grunted under his breath, seeing your target disappear into the hall.

The two of you hurry, yet still try to act casual to not raise eyebrows, and exit into the same hallway. As you push open the door, you hear the two talking in the stairwell before another door closes.

“You got your gun on you?” He asked as his hand slid into the back of his pants.

“Of course.” You scoffed, tearing up the slit in your dress. He saw the small pistol strapped to your thigh, making his mouth a bit dry.

He nodded, “Good…” 

Taking a quick breath, Tangerine opened the door. You slipped through and he followed behind, your backs facing one another as you scanned the hallway. It wasn’t narrow but if anyone slipped out of one of the rooms, they were right in your sights.

“I’ll take this one, you take that one.” He whispered, pointing his gun to the opposite door of his.

With your heart in your throat, you slowly crack the door open and don’t see anyone before a body flies from behind and slammed the door open from Tangerine’s side. The woman lied dead on the floor, blood all over his dress, and just as you turned around, a punch slid across your cheek. 

Instinctively, you ducked to dodge the second jab and swoop under to get on the other side of the man as Tangerine wrapped his arms around the guy to pull him to the ground.

Tan loudly grunted as he tried to gain control, basically attempting to straddle him in order to push his arm against his neck. Even with all his strength, the man gripped his hands around Tangerine’s arms to throw him off along with trying to push his knee between his crotch.

“Watch the door!” Tan directed to you. 

You nodded, catching your breath with your back against the wall by the door. The adrenaline ran through your veins and heard your heartbeat in your ears as one tear of blood dripped down your cheek. The crack of bones made you turn your head, seeing the man’s body go limp as Tan began to stand over him.

He quickly walked over the man, as if he was in the way, and comes to your side.

“He nicked you bad. Lemme see.” Tan said, your eyes meeting his as he held your cheek. The touch of his hand seemed to be some comfort, his thumb wiping the blood away and trying to see how bad the wound was.

“Bastard.” He muttered, “C’mon, let’s go before someone comes up.”

Without a word in, he grabbed your hand and dragged you behind his lead. You two headed for the exit door down the other side of the hall as you heard footsteps rumble from the other stairs you came up.

“Wait a minute.” Tan said, fiddling with his belt buckle.

Your eyes widen, “What on earth are you doing?”

He smirked, “Relax, darling. You flatter yourself too much.”

You rolled your eyes as the sound of his belt slid against the fabric of his belt loops before curling the leather strap around the door to keep it locked. The two of you fled down the stairs and suddenly found yourselves in the kitchen area. A few eyes followed as you both ran through, very obvious that you were running from something, but still aimed to get to some kind of exit.

With sudden luck, Tangerine saw his car across the street, instantly knowing which way he was supposed to go. Without skipping a beat, he grabbed your hand once more and the two of you ran across the street. Hopping into the passenger seat and Tan taking off was like a blur, just happening in seconds.

“Y/N?” Tan saying your name woke you from your trance.

“Huh?” You asked, shaking your head.

He quickly turned his head, “You alright?” He said with concern, one hand on the steering wheel and his foot easing off the gas.

“Y-Yeah, I’m okay. I don’t know what happened back there.” You trailed, a bit embarrassed. You were never one to let your guard down, well– enough to get hit right smack in the face.

“Are you sure?”

You turned your attention to him, “I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” You asked rhetorically.

“‘Cause of that big cut on your cheek.”

You narrowed your eyes, “Alright, what’s your big plan now, Einstein? Were just going to sleep in your car and hope we don’t wake up decapitated?”

He half-chuckled, “You truly think so little of me, don’t you?”

“Is that rhetorical?”

Tan rolled his blue eyes, “We’re goin’ somewhere safe.”

– – –

You wanted to believe you were strolling into some kind of trap. The lobby had a classic aesthetic to it, pale gold wallpaper and a wall of keys behind the person at the small front desk. You two placed your go-bags on the red carpeted ground as Tangerine checked into a room.

“Hello Mr. Tangerine.”

Oh, great. He’s some guest of honor here.

“‘Ello, Colin. My usual room.”

“Is that what you say in front of all the girls?” You tilted your head, standing behind him.

He rolled his eyes, “‘Cuse her.”

The man chuckled, crinkles by his eyes, “How many nights are you staying this time?”

This time. You could scoff out loud but you didn’t want to hear the tude from him.

“Just overnight. Nothin’ too serious.”

“Well, enjoy your stay, as always.” The man nodded before Tangerine thanked him.

The two of you head toward the old elevator, watching him quickly press the up button before you stand by his side. You half chuckled, “I’ve never seen you act so kindly toward anyone, tell me, does he see you bring girls through here all the time or-”

“Has anyone ever told you to shut your pie hole?”

“Hmm, not verbally. But, those eyes of your say enough for me… you’re too predictable, sometimes, Tan.”

He gave you a lingering look as the door opened, passing him into the elevator. The two of you make your way to the fifth floor and the hall is eerily quite for a hotel full of private contractors and assassins. You had your hands behind your back then patiently waited for Tangerine to jiggle the key into the lock, opening a door to a huge room with a surprisingly wide view.

“You’d think the curtains were closed.” You muttered as he walked over, closing them anyways.

Suddenly, he stripped from his suit jacket and you couldn’t help but see how tight his button up was around his biceps and chest.

“Did you get that a size too small?” You ask as you chunk your heels into the corner.

“Well, I certainly can’t kill fuckin’ bloaks wearing baggy clothes now.”

“But, you can in a three piece suit?” You cocked your eyebrow.

He licked his lips, “As if your dress is a flexible material.” Tangerine said as he pulled his rings off, placing them on the night stand.

“I can say the same for your pants.”

Tangerine wanted to look down but didn’t give into your comment. You place your bag down on the bed, grabbing your silk pajamas nearly folded on top and changed in the bathroom.

“God, just go to bed. We’ve got a long day tomorrow.” You somewhat groaned.

You sit on the top of the bed, unfolding the duvet before shoving it off to get underneath them.

Tangerine paused, “What the fuck do you you’re doin’?”

You furrowed your eyebrow, “This thing called going to sleep. Try it sometime, you’d be less grouchy.”

He rolled his eyes, “I know that, smartass, I mean what’re you doin’ in the bed that I’m goin’ to be sleepin’ in too?”

You rolled over, putting your weight on your elbows, “I know you’re dramatic but this takes the cake for top performances.”

He faked a laugh, “If you don’t get your ass out of that bed in two seconds, I’ll throw you in the tub with a pillow.”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to. Fine, do it.” You said before laying flat into the mattress, staring straight at the ceiling.

He didn’t care for your equal amount of sarcasm, but he just gave you a cocked eyebrow.

“Okay, fine. I’d rather sleep on the floor anyways.” He said, stretching his arms up and behind his head. Your eyes quickly admired his muscles before turning back.

“Be my guest, princess.” You scoffed, slipping on your pajama shorts, “I’ll enjoy my big comfy bed.”

You pulled the heavy duvet over your waist, curling up with the dense pillow beneath your head. 

Tangerine stood there, biting the inside of his cheek as he watched you roll on your side. He tilted his head back before unbuttoning his shirt and tossing it on the desk chair. Although your eyes were closed, his side of the bed sunk in and you tried to hold back your smile at his faded stubbornness.

With your backs facing one another, you two just listened to the silence of the city. It gave you a moment to think of Paris– the last time you were with one another or much rather supposed to be against each other. You were a double agent, not exactly proud of it but you let greed take over your motivated justice. 

Having to scam Lemon and Tangerine wasn’t your finest hour either, you thought about it for months and finally coming face to face with Tangerine (out of the two, he wasn’t the one you would want to bump into again), all the guilt came rushing back like the snap of an elastic band.

– – –

The morning sun runs through the thin silk of the curtains, shining over your bodies in the bed. You wake up to the sound of light snoring, happy that you could sleep through it, and Tangerine in a deep slumber with his arm over the bed. He suddenly looked like innocence, so soft and tender, simply laying there like it was any other day.

You sit up, putting your hair out of your face then head to the bathroom. When you turn the light on, you’re almost surprised to see your reflection. Forgetting about the scar against your cheek, you look more rough around the edges. You sigh as you run your fingers over it, remembering the way Tangerine did last night.

After washing up, you go back out and Tangerine is now standing up and stretching his arms above his head. Your eyes quickly shift up his body, admiring the tattoos in their random places and how the band of his briefs rest on his hips. You sealed your lips from smiling at how sharp his v-line was accompanied by the happy trail disappearing into his pants.

“Sleep good with that stick in your ass?” You retort, passing him.

He rolled his eyes, “...You’re annoying, ya know that?”

“Oh, you’ve made that clear.” You mocked him as you closed the curtains more, “That’s why I love to do it.”

Tangerine flicked on the lamp, giving the room a warm glow.

“Alright, I say we lay low today. Better to be out of sight and–”

You cut him off, “Stuck in this room together?... are you trying to kill me t–”

He then put his hand over your mouth, looking deep into your eyes, “Yes, stuck in this room where we can keep an eye on each other and you can’t screw me over again.”

Your heart stopped for a split second, as if he couldn’t have been more of the controlling one. He took his hand away and you gulped, “Yep. Fine. Fair.”

Tangerine pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek before you go to your bag in the chair that’s pushed in the corner of the room. You slightly bend over to look inside your duffle and his icy eyes can’t help but look up the back of your thighs and straight at your ass and lower back. How he could easily put his hands on your hips and make you hold onto something.

He shook his head, feeling like he was coming down with something to even imagine that thought.

You pulled out an old novel and sat yourself back on the bed, hoping that the hours would pass as you sank further into the broken-in mattress.

Tangerine sat down in the chair nudged into the corner, adjacent from your view, and he pulled out his gun that was conveniently tucked into the back of his pants.

“Are you actually holding me hostage?” You furrowed your brows, but didn’t take your eyes from your sentence.

“Whatever fantasy you’d like you believe.” He trailed, opening his gun and emptying his rounds into his palm.

– – –

Suddenly, you leaped out of a deep sleep. Your book laid open on your stomach while an extra pillow was between your legs. Your eyes fluttered open, thinking the past few days has been a dream, until you noticed Tangerine wasn’t sitting in the chair. You quickly looked around before hearing the bathroom door open and he stepped out, shirtless and in new dark slacks that rested on his hips.

Your mouth became dry. How could you dislike him so much yet here you are, ready to jump his bones as he crossed the room.

“What are you getting dressed for?” You asked, rubbing your eyes.

He half-chuckled at your groggy voice, “I want a drink.”

“Oh, like you’re not just going to abandon me here like I did you?... Where you go, I go.” You warned him.

He rolled his eyes, “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“A bit hypocritical coming from you.”

Tangerine just ignored your smart comment and opened the door, letting you through first before he followed. His eyes, once again, trace your lower back and trailed down your legs. His cheeks flushed pink as he quickly looked away, clearing his throat as he caught up to you so you two were walking side by side.

You pushed the faded down button as you pushed a big breath past your lips. Tangerine put his back against the wall and crossed his arms, his muscles basically restraining in his light button up. As you turned around, you rolled your eyes– but not at him, just at yourself. How could you have any little feeling for someone who also annoyed you to your core?

He took your silence as a bit of a tease. To be fair, you two didn’t really know one another. You met once before and then you simply betrayed him. Quickly, you were dead to him, but now you’re forced to be together and it raised an important question to himself too. Why was he helping someone who obviously can’t be trusted? 

Tangerine furrowed his eyebrows at that thought, knowing he would have thrown you to the wolves last night after you closed your eyes. He played with his watch a bit before the elevator dinged and caught both of your attentions.

After entering, the low-sounding shifting mechanics of the elevator were the only sounds between you two. You heard Tangerine sniffle, seeing him stretch his neck out of the corner of your eye, but you kept a straight view to the doors. While Tangerine thought you were continuing to give him the silent treatment, you were lost in your own thoughts of the past.

You flashbacked to your last night in Paris together, and remembered how the guilt creeped up on you knowing that, in a few hours, you’d have to betray both Lemon and Tangerine. Before knowing them, you didn’t care, but now that you’ve realized how hard you were falling for Tan, it felt like a double edged sword. If you didn’t do it, maybe you could stay with him– have a life together. But, if you went through with your selfish heist, you’d lose the guy who made you comfortable with being vulnerable after a long time. 

Obviously, you regretted your decision.

“Is this what you want?” You simply asked.

Tangerine quickly turned his head, “What?”

You rolled your eyes before facing his direction, “This.” You gestured between the two of you, “The weird animosity and constantly arguing and nit-picking?”

He never thought you’d be so bold to point it out, “I mean, we don’t like each other. Simple, isn’t it?”

“I guess…” You trailed, facing back toward the doors.

Tangerine licked his lips, wondering if he should utter the words on his tongue.

“...But, that doesn’t mean we can’t start over.”

You looked over your shoulder once more before turning around to him, “You mean that?”

He arched his eyebrow, “Should I regret it now?”

Just as the elevator dinged, the doors slowly opened and the hotel lobby appeared empty. You smirked to yourself, “Why don’t we catch up over that drink, huh?” You sort of teased– not sure if it had purpose.

– – –

Your drink tasted smooth, easily trailing down your throat as you leaned your head back to finish off the rest of the liquor in your glass. Once you tilted your head back straight, you were met with Tangerine’s signature eyebrow arch.

“Don’t worry, I’m paying for my own drinks.” You sighed, placing your glass back down on the wooden table top.

“As long as I don’t got to carry you back up to the room.” He sighed, sounding more defeated than witty, then his blue eyes glanced down then back into your eyes.

You hummed, running your finger along the rim of the empty glass. 

“‘right so, what’ve you been doin’ since we last…” He cleared his throat, “saw one other?”

You crossed your leg over the other, “Not much. Actually, it’s the first time I’ve been out for a while. After leaving you guys, I laid low in Tuscany.”

“For how long?”

You shrugged, “Five months? I was on the countryside and I wanted to be alone…” then, you smirked, “I heard that you were in Kyoto.” 

Tangerine could chuckle about it now, “For a bit. Had a job to do for some psychotic, fucked up family. The dad called in us, they were all turin’ on each other. Whole fuckin’ thing…”

“As in…” You trailed, “Against one another? The whole family?”

He just nodded before taking a sip of his drink.

You raised your eyebrows, “Wow… and you got out with no bruises or cuts? Bullet holes?”

Tangerine licked his lips before he presented the side of his neck, lighter skin over his tanner tone to show the scar. You carefully reached out, brushing your fingers against it which made a tingle go up his spine. You sit back down as he turned back in his chair, and he seemed to tense up.

“Amazing you survived it.” You sealed your lips.

He crossed his arms, “I supposed…”

A comfortable silent fell between you, the light, jazz music playing at a low, and Tangerine’s eyes trailed up the side of your bare leg. He didn’t mean to stare this much, but he felt more vulnerable than usual. One thing you knew is that Tangerine was a layered person, you had to take time to get to the center of him and realize he’s not so cold once you get to know him.

“Five months in Tuscany, I bet that was lovely.”

“Not really. I isolated the whole time… I wanted to be by myself, but I felt bad about what happened… what I did in Paris.” You admitted, but didn’t look into his eyes, fearing that he would turn on you in a second.

Tangerine sighed, “You had to do your job, we did ours… that’s ‘bout all that can be said.” 

Assuming from the lack of eye contact and his tone, he seemed hurt too. You could easily let it boost your ego, but, you actually felt a relief. This hatred you’ve held against each other has finally come down and even though it wasn’t actually said, both of you can feel hostility leave the room.

You bit the inside of your cheek, “Remember, we’re starting over. Clean slate. I hope I’m making a good impression so far.” You raised your eyebrows, lifting your glass again just to drink the mixture of watered down liquor. 

He chuckled, “You’re just lovely.”

The comment made your face get hot. You blame the accent and how it can just get under your skin.

“I don’t think you’ve ever called me something so nice.”

Tangerine smirked, “Funny since we’ve just met, darling.”

Darling.

It was the first time you heard it as a term of endearment then pure spite.

You rolled your eyes, but you could humor that Tangerine was going along with it. This new cheeky side of him was something you didn’t think existed– maybe it was the liquor talking, but you hoped it wasn’t just that simple.

“So, what brings you here?” You continued to tease, placing your elbows on the table, “Business… or pleasure?” Your hand laid on top of his, brushing your fingertips along the chunky rings that perfectly fit his fingers.

Multiples thoughts sounded through both your minds.

“Maybe it’s the liquor.” “Maybe we’re a little over our heads.” “Maybe we’re bored.”

But, Tangerine held your hand on top of the table, gently holding it as his thumb grazes over your knuckles.

“Depends…” He trailed, now leaning in too, “What are you here for?”

– – –

In just a few minutes, you two were back in the room you felt trapped in for hours.

Tangerine pressed your back against the wall, a tingle running up your spine from the coolness of the wallpaper. Your lips pressed together over and over, tilting your head before biting his bottom lip. He effortlessly lifted you up with his hand under the back of your thighs, and your ankles meet around his back.

He needed so bad, desperate even… and the feeling was mutual.

He put you down on your feet again, pressing a kiss against your scarred cheek then another on your jaw. His light kisses run down the middle of your breasts as his hand lifted up the end of your skirt. You pushed your hips out as your back was against the wall still, watching him pull down your panties in an instant. You kick them to the side and Tangerine placed your leg over his shoulder, kisses along your inner thigh and your hand ran through the front of his curls.

Suddenly, his tongue ran over your swollen clit before sucking on it. With one hand in his hair, the other caressing your breast and running your thumb over your nipple.

Tangerine panted, moving his hand against your pussy lips. He pushed them apart, showing your tight hole and how you clench around nothing. He lowly groaned, running his fingers over your clit before sliding his two fingers into your pussy. You bite your bottom lip to hold back the moan stuck in your throat, watching him suck your clit and finger you at the same time.

Just as your climax neared, he felt your cunt tighten around his fingers. He couldn’t end it like this so, he took them away. You let your leg down, watching him come back up and tower over you.

“If I’m goin’ to make you cum…” He sighed, “I’m gonna be deep inside you when you fucking crumble.” He said so low before pressing his fingers against your tongue, and you tasted yourself.

You pulled his hand back, running your thumbs over his tattooed hand.

“Not if I make you cum first.” You trailed, moving his hand down so you could kiss him.

He could drop to his knees in an instant, but Tangerine surprisingly kept his composure. 

You smirked as you pushed him toward the bed, the back of his knees hitting it to make him sit down. As you stood in front of him, he leaned on his elbows as he watched your dress drop to the floor. It pooled at your ankles and when his eyes shifted back up, so glossed over, your bare body was the center of his attention.

“Hmm, I don’t think you’ll last.” You taunted.

As much as he could snap back, you straddled him and pulled apart his tightly buttoned shirt. Your hands ran over his toned and tatted chest before reaching down to his pants, unzipping the fly and he shuffled a bit to shift them off his hips. His cock was hard, restrained from his boxers and you felt flattered.

You giggled, leaning forward to share a slow kiss with him. Your bare pussy rubbed against his cock as you moved closer to him. A low groan mumbled between your makeout, and you pushed him back so you two both fell on the bed.

Your hands pressed into each side of the mattress, gaining strength to help yourself grind against his hard. His big hands tightly held your hips as you continued your smooth momentum, whimpering at your clit being rubbed by your harsh grind.

As heat rose in the room, your right hand dipped between the two of you, and ran over his hard cock once more. Tan’s lips now desperately met your jaw before taking a light bite at your neck. The feeling of your hand caressing through his boxers could make him release right there.

Becoming more impatient, you finally pushed your hand into the band of his boxers and he once more moved his hips to shift out of them. 

“Fuck, your cock is so big… can barely hold it with my hand. God, I want you to stretch me out…” You moaned, “Is that okay?”

You purposefully let him believe that he was in charge, and you were falling into the submissive role. Tangerine gained a bit of confidence from your desperate comments, and he sat more up on the bed.

“Fucking christ…” Is all he could say.

He moved the swollen and red tip against your wet slit, also aching and needing your walls to wrap around him now. At first there was pressure, pushing the tip inside your hole then slowly guiding your hips down to completely take in every inch of his cock. 

Once he bottomed out, your body lightly shook as your lips brushed against his. He was fully inside you, the tight and warm feeling making him wither beneath you.

Tangerine moved his hand, kissing your shoulder, “God, you feel like fuckin’ heaven.”

“Don’t stop. Please…” You huffed.

– – –

Then, it was morning. 

The rising sun peaked through the small split of the curtains. As you tried to shift, your body ached throughout every muscle. A small groan left your lips, but you were pulled back by a strong arm wrapped around your waist.

It snapped you back into reality. Last night really happened… and you were okay with that.

Tangerine’s tattooed arm unconsciously tightened around you, holding you close still as he still slept behind you. You barely look over your shoulder and saw his face, his eyes still shut and his curls looked wild.

You faintly smile as you turn around to face him, and that’s what woke him up. He pulled his arms back and rubbed his eyes from the brightness of the sun coming in. You run your finger along a curl on his forehead, pushing it to the top of his head and your heart melted from the sight of those blue eyes.

“Did last night really happen?” You mumbled, but with a faint smile on your lips.

He placed his hand gently on your cheek, caressing his thumb against your jaw. 

“I think the real question is…” He trailed, “Do we stay another night or go back to pretending to not know each other's existences?”

You bit your bottom lip, lightly giggling, “I think we pick secret option three and go somewhere else. Get away for a while… see where this is going. Don’t you?”

Just at that moment, Tangerine’s phone vibrated in his pants that were on the floor next to the bed. He turned over on his other side, reaching down to pull it out and reading a text Lemon just sent.

“Got a call about a job in Budapest. Are you in or overstaying your weekend?”

Tangerine smirked at himself, then felt your lips press against his neck. You placed another kiss on his shoulder, leaving a tender love bite before he turned back around to kiss you. Maybe it was the natural thrill of the chase, but you loved the not knowing. 

Whatever was next, you could only hope that he kept it interesting.

[gleamingyu]

anti-hero.

part II of the midnights series. inspired by taylor swift’s midnights. part I

pairing: music-producer!seungcheol x lawyer!fem!reader [exes-to-lovers]

genre: angst. fluff.

warnings: she/her pronouns for reader (but no specific physical characteristics). a bucketload of angst (i'm so sorry). light cursing. terrible knowledge of law stuff. so much crying yikes. miscommunication & misunderstandings. mentions of drinking and allusions to driving under the influence (do not do that ever!!). reader might seem a bit unlikeable in this chapter, but it's all part of the plot, okay?? she's trying her best. mentions of intimacy and sex (??), nothing graphic tho. slow burn. alternating povs. jihan as my lovely, beautiful, in love babies (yes they're a couple). some petnames (baby, babe). flashbacks are in italics. lower caps intended [if there’s anything i missed, please let me know!]

word count: approx. 8.1k (idk what happened)

notes: finally managed to work on my baby again. i'm sorry for the long wait but i had a lot of shit going on :/ thank you to everyone who showed love on the first part, i love each and every single on of you!! once again, likes, reblogs and comments are more than appreciated :)

summary: seungcheol wants to fix things; you want to avoid him at all costs. one thing is for sure, though. neither of you will have closure until you talk.

four months ago

the silence ringing inside seungcheol’s ears was even louder than the ambient noise of the restaurant he found himself in.

he genuinely couldn’t believe you were doing this to him again. the time was nearing 8 p.m., almost an hour later than when you were supposed to be here, and seungcheol was trying very hard to ignore the pitiful glances the waiters were not-so-subtly throwing him. he didn’t know what frustrated him more; the fact this was the seventh date you were clearly canceling on, or that you hadn’t updated him on your whereabouts in almost half an hour. if you weren’t going to show up, the least you could do is call and let seungcheol know you were gonna meet him at home.

home. funny how the word no longer brought a sense of peace in seungcheol’s heart.

just as he was about to get up and leave, seungcheol felt his phone buzz in the pocket of his pants, and his heart soared when he saw your name displayed on the screen. maybe you were going to make it after all, maybe you could still enjoy the nice evening he had planned, maybe…

“cheol… i’m so sorry.”

you were not coming.

seungcheol could tell from the apologetic tone in your voice. he didn’t even hear the next words that came from your end, whatever excuse you had to offer getting lost in the sound of his heart breaking. the grip he had on his phone was the only thing anchoring him in that moment, his eyes closed as he was trying to push down the tears that were threatening to spill out. he could hear you calling his name, are you there? but all he could offer was an “i’ll see you at home” before ending the call.

there was no part of you that was ready to face what awaited you on the other side of your apartment door.

the day hadn’t gone as you’d planned. you knew seungcheol had plans for the two of you that evening, so you had decided to wake up and go to the office earlier than usual in order to finish what you were working on in time for your date. but when you woke up that morning, you found seungcheol in the kitchen, diligently trying his best at making breakfast for the two of you. you melted at the sight of your boyfriend wearing your peach-colored apron – and nothing underneath but a pair of sweatpants – and you didn’t have the heart to turn him down when he oh-so-gleefully presented you with what could only be described as an admirable attempt at pancakes. moments like these were rare in your lives, with both of your hectic schedules and whatnot, so you sat down and enjoyed the warmth that came from the food, the sun coming in through the curtains, and seungcheol’s smile.

the sense of peace that came with spending the morning with seungcheol quickly dispersed once you arrived at the office and realized you were late, which gave your boss – mr. moon, a pathetic, greedy, and cruel excuse of a man who lived to make the lives of his employees a living hell – the perfect excuse to make you his target of the day. in addition to the case you were supposed to work on, mr. moon decided to dump on you stacks of paperwork that apparently needed to be taken care of by tonight, a task that normally a damn paralegal could take care of – no offense to paralegals.

normally you wouldn’t put up with this type of behavior. you weren’t raised to let people just walk all over you as they damn pleased. but around the office, there was one unspoken rule that everyone learned as soon as they started working here; ‘whatever mr. moon says, goes.’ besides, moon was the only person on the board of directors that could veto promotions in the firm, so until you could see the words senior associate inscribed under your name on the door of your office, you’d have to shut your mouth and take whatever was thrown at you with your head held high.

that isn’t to say that sometimes you wished mr. moon would get hit by a bus, ‘mean girls’ style. today had been one of those days, as the hours trickled by, closer and closer to when you should leave for your date with seungcheol, and yet mr. moon seemed to have a continuous stream of tasks that needed to be done, by you specifically. you realized you would never make it in time to see seungcheol, and so, tonight marked the seventh date you had to cancel because of work.

now, with the time on your phone reading 22:32, you were standing outside your apartment, bracing yourself for the talk you knew you were going to have with seungcheol. letting out a big exhale, you punched in the door code and let yourself in, the quietness of the apartment immediately enveloping you.

for a split second, you thought seungcheol might have gone to sleep already, but the faint sound of glass redirected you towards the kitchen, where you found said man standing by the kitchen island, nursing a glass of wine. you recognized the bottle mingyu had gifted him on his birthday that year, some fancy brand you’d never heard of before. as you stepped closer, the dim light of the kitchen finally illuminating you, seungcheol turned towards you, an inscrutable look on his face.

after four years of learning, knowing, loving seungcheol, you prided yourself in being able to discern what he was feeling at any given moment. but now, standing in front of him, you were scared to admit that you couldn’t read whatever feelings his eyes held. it made you feel uneasy, the way it seemed like he was looking through you, into you, and you wished you could come up with something to say to disturb the uncomfortable silence, but saying i’m sorry seemed redundant in that moment.

“a bit late, isn’t it?” seungcheol spoke up, and your heart clenched at the cold, almost mocking tone of his voice.

“i know, but i couldn’t get out faster. no matter what i said, my boss kept piling up my work and i just… i couldn’t. i’m so sorry… you know i wanted to come, more than anything. i really did,” you said, silently pleading that seungcheol would forgive you.

“i’m sure you did,” seungcheol gruffed, turning his attention back to the wine before him.

“cheol… don’t be like this, please…” you tried getting closer to him, but his body whipped towards you, his eyes narrowing at you.

“like what, exactly? angry? frustrated? sad? disappointed? i can be like that, actually, seeing as this is the seventh time in 3 months you’ve ditched me for work, apparently!” seungcheol spewed, making you take several steps back. your body tenses.

“‘apparently?’ what is that supposed to mean?”

“i don’t know, it just seems very unlikely that you’d have to sometimes spend more than twelve hours at work. i mean, you’re a lawyer, aren’t you? surely, you should know everything about workplace laws,” seungcheol bit back. he’s never spoken to you like this before, ever, the mockery in his voice surely aimed to hurt you. you felt anger bubbling in the pit of your stomach, but you tried your best to stay calm, for the sake of both of you.

“seungcheol,” you said, and you couldn’t help feeling a twinge of satisfaction seeing his eyebrows raise in surprise after hearing you use his full name. “if you have something to say, i’d rather you just do it, instead of insinuating it.”

seungcheol fell quiet for a moment, glancing down at his feet. “i meant it when i said i was held back at work, cheol. why would i lie about that?” you continued.

“for the past two years that you’ve been working there, you know i never once met any of your coworkers? i’ve never even stepped foot into your office, for god’s sake! you’ve been to my studio countless of times, you know the people i’m closest to, i’ve invited you to all the events the label organizes, so i just can’t understand! i don’t understand why you’re dead-set on keeping me away from that part of your life! and it makes me think… it makes me feel like i’m not enough, like you’re ashamed of me–”

“that’s absolutely not true, cheol!” you jumped in. you couldn’t even entertain the thought of seungcheol feeling self-conscious because of you, when it was the furthest thing you wanted. “i think you’re the most talented person i know, the most passionate, hard-working, smart… beautiful… i could never be ashamed of you.”

unshed tears were clinging to both of your lashes, heavy breathing echoing around the kitchen. how could you let things get so bad?

“it made me think there was someone else,” seungcheol breathes out.

the air gets stuck in your throat, the tears brimming in your eyes finally sliding down your face. “cheol… how could… there never was anyone! i swear, all the nights i would come home late, it was because of my work! i swear, i would never… you’re the only person that’s ever on my mind…”

silence fell over you and seungcheol, the words thrown between you slowly sinking in. seungcheol sniffled, taking a seat at the round table in the middle of the kitchen; you wished you could go to him, gather him in your arms, even though he’s too big to fit in completely, but you knew that this was probably the last thing seungcheol wanted from you in that moment.

“why don’t you quit?”

seungcheol looked up to you, the sadness in his gaze so intense it made you look away, knowing you’re to blame for it. “you complain so much about it… the hours, the work, the boss, the people. why can’t you just leave?”

you breathed in, thinking over seungcheol’s words. “because… because i love doing what i do. i feel about law the way you feel about music. it’s just the environment that’s shitty. but it’s something… that’s mine. and the kind of opportunities i got at this firm… people just starting out, like me, don’t come by them very often usually.”

there was a pause as seungcheol mulled over your words. a part of you thought, hoped, that the way the conversation was going would lead to fixing things, but then seungcheol spoke up again, and you knew. there was no fixing, not anymore.

“i was yours, too. and i would’ve never chosen music over you.”

“you say that now, but if you were put in a situation where you had to choose, i don’t think you’d have as easy of a time as you say.”

“i guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.”

and that was the end of it.

three days after your unexpected reunion with seungcheol, you find yourself back at PLEDIS, ready to tackle jihoon’s case.

the morning had gone on normally enough, with people coming in to give their testimonies regarding jihoon, his work and their relationships with him. as expected, no one had come forward with any potentially harmful or negative remarks about him, everyone applauding him for his tireless dedication to the label and the artists he worked with, as well as marveling at his seemingly innate musical talent and creativity. this was no surprise to you; having known jihoon for almost as long as you’d known seungcheol, you witnessed first-hand jihoon’s mastery of his craft, on multiple occasions. and now, with all the information you had gathered in the past three hours since arriving at PLEDIS, you were starting to feel more confident about winning this lawsuit.

initially, you had no intention of taking on jihoon’s case. the previous weekend, when mr. moon had called you in, you arrived at the firm with your mind set on demanding a break. in the past months, you might as well have changed your home address to the office, seeing as you had been working non-stop on one case after another, pulling countless sleepless nights and taking on extra paperwork as favors to some of your coworkers. and after finding out what the case was actually about, you were even more adamant about turning it down. but all the excuses you offered mr. moon were effectively shut down, leaving you almost begging the man to pass the case to someone else.

before you could use your past relationship with the other in-house music producer working at PLEDIS as an excuse, mr. moon delivered the lowest of low blows. “you know, a high profile case like this could attract lots of new clients for the firm… and put you right on the track for senior associate.”

there was no use arguing anymore after that. moon knew how much you wanted that promotion, and you were honestly not surprised to see him using it against you in order to force you into doing whatever work he wanted you to. so you shut your mouth, took the case, and then went home and cried.

yes, you cried. moving on.

seeing seungcheol again, and unexpectedly so, definitely set you a few steps back in whatever emotional healing you had done in the past few months. and it definitely made you doubt your own abilities as a lawyer. if you couldn’t put aside your personal feelings and instead focus on helping a guy who was being wrongfully accused, were you even meant to practice the law? but you had worked far too hard and sacrificed far too much to let these thoughts cloud your judgment and confidence, so you told yourself that even if you had to be in seungcheol’s proximity for the foreseeable future, your main priority was winning this case. for jihoon, and for yourself.

of course, planning to ignore the obvious feelings you still harbored for your ex-boyfriend was way easier than actually ignoring them. now, as you were gathering your things to meet wonwoo in the conference room he was stationed in, you were also mentally preparing yourself for the off-chance that you would bump into seungcheol again. considering how your luck’s been going in the past few weeks, you think the chances are pretty high.

walking through the halls of PLEDIS felt oddly familiar, and yet strange at the same time. when you and seungcheol first started dating, the label was just starting out, carrying all its business in a measly two-story building on the outskirts of town. you felt a tiny knot forming at the back of your throat, thinking how crazy it was to have witnessed the immense growth that seungcheol went through as an artist and a person, and now, to be walking amongst the fruits of the labor of his work, and so many other people’s, who built the label from the ground up.

as you grow nearer to the conference room where wonwoo was most likely waiting for you, you suddenly catch a whiff of a scent all too familiar to you. musky notes of jasmine and bergamot fill your senses, and for a brief moment, you feel an almost supernatural pull urging you to follow the indistinguishable fragrance.

you know exactly where it leads. but now is not the time.

before you can push the door open and walk into the room, your phone’s screen lights up with a text message. ‘hey honey. can you call when you have the time? she’s not having a very good day…’

you sigh, before dialing your mom’s number.

four years ago

seungcheol always smelled divine.

over the years, you’d heard so many of your friends go on and on about their boyfriends’ perfumes, and how once they found the right scent, they could charm the pants off of them with just the smell of their cologne. to you, that idea seemed entirely far-fetched, because, after all, people aren’t dogs. who in their right mind would base their selection of a partner on something as feeble as smell? even more so, an artificial smell, that didn’t even last forever.

clearly, since a few weeks ago, you haven’t been in your right mind, because you swore there was nothing better in this world than the way seungcheol smelled.

all your friends kept telling you that they’d never seen you act like this before. the honeymoon phase of your relationship had hit you pretty hard, and you were completely smitten with cheol. his smile, his eyes, his dimples, his laugh, his hair, his charm… and his scent, you couldn’t get enough of him. and now, as you were making your way towards PLEDIS together, you couldn’t help but wish you could nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck and stay there forever.

it was your first time seeing where seungcheol worked. you had been wanting to see his studio ever since he had first told you about his job (and proved that he wasn’t one of those wannabe soundcloud rappers or whatever), but considering the label wasn’t exactly in a central location, getting there proved slightly difficult. not to mention that most days, your classes ran pretty late, and seungcheol shared his studio with jihoon, the other music producer at PLEDIS, which meant you couldn’t pop in whenever you had a window of free time, so as to not disturb them.

that night, however, seungcheol decided you deserved a break from your studies, and since your midterms were coming up, it might have been one of the last times you could afford to go out before getting swept up in the craziness of exam season. so after your last class of the day, seungcheol picked you up from campus and drove you outside of town, where PLEDIS stood.

“are you absolutely sure it’s alright for me to be here? i don’t want you to get in trouble with your… superiors, if that’s what you call them,” you said, walking up the stairs closely behind cheol.

“i already told you, it’s fine! besides, you’re not planning to steal any confidential information and spread it online, are you?” he teased, stopping in front of a door that you assumed was his studio.

“hmm, i don’t know… what makes you think i’m not secretly working for one of your competitors?”

seungcheol chuckled, shaking his head, before looking back at you. “oh, baby, you and i both know you like me too much to hurt me so,” he said, finally unlocking the door and letting you step inside.

well, he wasn’t wrong.

to most people, seungcheol and jihoon’s studio might not have looked like much. it held all the standard recording and mixing equipment one would expect to find there, along with personal touches from the boys, like pictures with their friends, some posters, a couple of cd racks, as well as a couch and two huge leather desk chairs. one the other side, inside the recording booth, you could see a keyboard, a couple of guitars, and a drum set, as well as some microphones, of course. to someone who’s never stepped foot in a recording studio before, like you, the place was amazing. and not just because cheol worked in there.

“i know it’s not a lot…” seungcheol mumbles, moving besides you, his arm stretched out in a way that said you could walk around.

your hands grazed the equipment on his desk, holding yourself back in fear of breaking something. “i like it, cheol. it’s homely, and cozy. definitely a good space to get those creative juices flowing,” you gave him a genuine smile, which you could tell instantly put him at ease from the way his shoulders visibly relaxed. he grinned at you, pulling up next to you by the sound board.

“you wanna see how the magic happens?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. you couldn’t help but groan, rolling your eyes.

“cheol, that was so cheesy… but yes, i do. please,” you said, giddy smiles taking over both of your faces.

“okay! come here,” he said, pulling you into his lap as he sat down in his desk chair. you felt your cheeks heat up at his actions, so natural and nonchalant, totally unaware of the effect he had on you. how could he be so oblivious, and quite literally torture you so? being so close to him now, his cologne starting to overpower your senses, you were sure to go dizzy.

“i’m gonna use one of the demos i have here, but for the record, i did not play anything for you while you were here, got it?” seungcheol said, opening an audio file on his laptop.

“yes, sir!” you gave him a wink, his ears turning red. cute.

for the next couple of minutes, seungcheol gives you a rundown on the soundboard, showing you what goes into recording and mixing a song, and even letting you play around with the different settings for pitch and autotune. even though it was all very interesting, nothing compared to just watching seungcheol’s excitement and passion while talking about music. every time your conversations would somehow turn towards music, his face would light up like a kid’s on christmas morning, his whole body animatedly gesturing while he rattled on about his favorite artists and composers, whatever new album came out that week, and even why a song with a good bass line is guaranteed to become a hit (yes, that was an actual discussion the two of you had once). seeing the obvious love he harbored for this art form made you ten times more enamored with him. you could already tell his passion and hard work were going to take him places, and you couldn’t wait to see it all.

“cheol? how did you know you wanted to do music?” you asked, turning to look up at your boyfriend.

“oh, wow, we’re going for the deep stuff, huh?” he laughed.

“you don’t have to share if you don’t want to, i was just curious… you always talk so passionately about it, i could just tell it means a lot to you.”

seungcheol sighed, leaning back into the chair. “it’s alright. i really don’t know how i got here, to be honest. i’ve always been interested in music, and found myself writing and experimenting with sound. one day, i just knew that i couldn’t really picture myself doing anything else. so i focused on that and worked my ass off, i guess.”

“well, clearly?! we’re sitting in your own studio! i’d say you’re doing pretty great,” you exclaimed, smiling at seungcheol’s blushing cheeks. “you should be proud of yourself, cheol, really.”

seungcheol can’t even look at you right now, too overcome with giddiness at the onslaught of compliments you’re suddenly throwing his way. instead, he shoves his face in the crook of your neck, mumbling a quiet ‘thanks.’

“is it hard to come up with new music?” you continue, playing with the strings of the hoodie he was wearing.

“hmm, it depends,” his voice is muffled, and you flinch at the ticklish feeling of his breath fanning on your neck. “there are days when i can put down a whole song and melody at once; sometimes it takes me weeks to be satisfied with a song i’m working on. but lately i’ve been feeling more… inspired than usual, so it’s been going pretty well.”

you turn your face towards him, a teasing smile stretching across your lips. “oh, really? how come?”

seungcheol returns your smile, his fingers pressing slightly harder into your skin where they sat on your waist. “just someone i met recently… they’re really nice and beautiful and funny and smart,” now it was your turn to grow shy, feeling your cheeks and chest grow warm at the implication of his words. “but i think jihoon is growing tired of all the ballads i’ve been writing.”

you both fall into a fit of giggles, your faces so impossibly close, your noses brush. “poor jihoon… whatever will he do?” you whisper, and before you can breathe in again, seungcheol’s lips fall against yours.

the air in your lungs dissipates in seconds. your entire body is ablaze, and you swear your hearing no longer registers the music playing from seungcheol’s laptop, instead becoming attuned to the sound of cheol’s soft sighs. you want this moment to last forever, to melt into his embrace, ingrain yourself into his very existence. his lips grow more and more fervent against yours, and you swear your mind goes blank, the only thought even going through your head in that moment a chant of his name. cheol, cheol, cheol, cheol…

later that night, once you’re home, getting ready for bed, you catch a whiff of seungcheol’s cologne again, the scents of his perfume imbued into your sweatshirt. you can’t help but smile like an idiot.

you didn’t wash that sweatshirt for a week after.

no matter how much seungcheol loved his friends, he couldn’t go on another second hearing jeonghan and joshua discuss whether they should choose lilies or hydrangeas for their wedding (because the good ol’ rose is too much of a cliche, apparently, according to joshua).

an exasperated sigh escaped him, his whole body slouching from the weight of the gloom he was carrying. jeonghan and joshua, who had been animatedly bantering over wedding preparations, suddenly go quiet, their heads snapping up to look at their friend. if this was a cartoon, they swore you would see a huge, gray cloud hanging above his head.

“alright, you gotta tell us what’s got you all pouty and gloomy, because this? this is just sad, cheol,” said joshua, gesturing at seungcheol’s crouched figure.

he sighed again, but straightened his back this time. the truth was, nothing particularly bad had happened today. but the day hadn’t gone as seungcheol had initially planned.

that morning, seungcheol had arrived at work determined to talk to you. seeing you again earlier that week had broken down the walls seungcheol had put up in the months following your breakup, and all the emotions he had tried pushing behind those walls – anger, sadness, frustration, yearning, love – were slowly, but surely, seeping back in. there was no point denying it anymore; seungcheol was not ready to let go just yet.

taking jihoon’s advice to heart, he decided to ‘grow some balls’ and initiate a discussion with you, one that you probably should’ve had before any of the shit that went down between the two of you could’ve gone down. seungcheol knew, deep down, that you were hiding something, and thought that once both of your cards were out on the table, you could either work on fixing what’s been broken, or you could both gain some closure and move on with your lives.

seungcheol was desperately hoping for the first option.

either way, whatever plans seungcheol had made were quickly put on hold when he arrived at his meeting and only found your colleague, jeon wonwoo, waiting for him in the conference room. he’d made himself look like an idiot, bluntly asking about your whereabouts, disappointment clear on his face at your lack of presence, which only got him an inscrutable look from wonwoo (who made a mental note to check in with you about this little outburst, for safety reasons). wonwoo hadn’t mentioned anything about you throughout the interview, which in retrospect, seungcheol realized, was more than normal, considering wonwoo probably had no idea that the two of you even dated before. if anyone at your firm would’ve known about your previous relationship, he imagines you wouldn’t even be here, working on this case. conflict of interest and all.

in the end, seungcheol had no idea whether you were even at PLEDIS at all, and didn’t even have time to ask around for you, having a number of recording sessions planned for the rest of the morning. it wasn’t until jeonghan called and invited him out for lunch with him and joshua, that seungcheol left his studio again. when his friends greeted him outside the restaurant they decided on, they held back from commenting on his sulky expression.

seungcheol didn’t tell them that he had half a mind to turn down their invitation when he heard where the couple wanted to meet. IL GRATO was your favorite place in town (you used to say because it was where seungcheol had taken you on your first date), and the restaurant held plenty of the many happy memories you and seungcheol had made over the years. obviously, seungcheol wasn’t particularly keen on revisiting them today, but he didn’t want to seem more pathetic than he already felt, so he shut up and pretended everything was fine.

that didn’t last long, evidently.

“why don’t you just call her? she’s obligated to answer, now that she’s working on jihoon’s situation, right? ask to schedule a meeting with her or something,” jeonghan said, sipping on his glass of prosecco.

“and what reason could i give her for a meeting? that jeon dude already asked me anything he could about jihoon, so i can’t use anything about the case,” seungcheol mumbled. “and saying i wanna discuss the clear unresolved feelings left between us is guaranteed to get her to hang up on me.”

joshua, who had been intently listening to seungcheol’s whines, suddenly perks up, grabbing seungcheol’s shoulder. “cheol, didn’t you mention jeon said he still had some interviews lined up after lunch time?”

seungcheol frowned. “yeah? what difference does it make?”

“well, dumbass, if Y/N was in fact at PLEDIS all this time, that means that she’s probably in one of the conference rooms on the same floor as him. and since most staff clock out at 5 p.m., i’d say you still have about half an hour to go back, find her, and talk to her. like you said you wanted,” joshua explained pointedly, giving seungcheol a look that screamed you have to do it or else i will hurt you.

joshua was right. how could he have been so stupid, to completely overlook what wonwoo had mentioned off-handedly at the end of their meeting. he hadn’t even considered the possibility that you and wonwoo had split up to cover more ground in collecting testimonies, and now he was at risk of completely missing his chance to see you, unless he hauled ass to PLEDIS immediately.

seungcheol shot up from his seat, quickly gathering his things and throwing his credit card on the table, before dashing for the front door. “you guys are the best! lunch is on me!” he shouted, before taking off running.

jeonghan and joshua look at each other, before bursting into giggles. jeonghan sighs, “i need them to resolve this issue before the wedding, really. i won’t be able to handle it if seungcheol mopes around during the whole ceremony.”

joshua cooed, rolling his eyes. “you simply can’t rush love, babe,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to his lover’s cheek.

jeonghan rolled his eyes, turning his attention to the spreadsheet full of wedding prep details laid out on the table. a mischievous glint gleamed in his eyes, as he turned to look at joshua. “so, my dear joshuji, how about lilies for the flower displays?”

“JEONGHAN, I SAID NO!”

nine months ago

when you and seungcheol arrived at IL GRATO, jeonghan and joshua were already inside, patiently waiting at the table they had booked for your party of four, wearing two oddly calm smiles on their faces.

to say you and seungcheol weren’t suspicious at all would be a lie.

jeonghan had called earlier that week to invite the two of you on a double date that weekend – which wasn’t unusual, since the four of you had been going on dates like these since forever  – but what had put you and seungcheol on edge was the ‘news’ jeonghan mentioned he and joshua had to share.

you and seungcheol had been going through a rough patch in the past two weeks, and this fact wasn’t unknown to your group of friends. the two of you were not the type to air out your dirty laundry, so for your friends to notice the growing tension between you meant that things were truly going badly. even though neither you or seungcheol had verbalized this to each other, you were both worried that tonight’s double date was just a cover up for an intervention, aimed to make you and seungcheol work through whatever it was bothering you two. jeonghan and joshua were seungcheol’s oldest and closest friends, and they never shied away from confronting seungcheol (and you, after you were welcomed into their friend group), especially when it came to his well-being, both physical and mental. you had been preparing your defense all week, just in case they decided to bring the situation up (and you also realized how desperately you needed a break from work).

after settling in and exchanging common pleasantries about your lives and work, the four of you put in your orders (jeonghan ordering the most expensive bottle of champagne on the menu, much to yours and seungcheol’s surprise), and after the waiter brought the drinks along, you decided to bite the bullet and ask the question that had been bothering you all week.

“so, you two said you had some news to share, right?”

jeonghan and joshua exchange a secretive look, and you only just notice the blush that seems to grace their faces. they looked like teenagers in love. you couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of envy.

“i guess there’s no reason to beat around the bush…” joshua said, looking again towards jeonghan.

“we’re getting married!” the other continues, leaning back into his seat to throw an arm around joshua, grinning from ear to ear.

silence falls over the table, as you and seungcheol drink in jeonghan’s revelation. you jump out of your seat, genuine excitement and joy overtaking you, as you walk around the table to hug and congratulate the two men. a string of high-pitched ‘oh my gods’ leave your lips, gaining the attention of a few other restaurant patrons, but you honestly couldn’t care less, too happy for your dear friends to pay attention to them.

as you make your way back to your seat, holding tightly onto joshua’s hand, you notice that seungcheol was eerily quiet, silently watching his friends, his eyes wide and unblinking. you lay a hand onto his arm, squeezing. “cheol… aren’t you going to say something?” you whisper.

that seems to snap him out of his daze, a gasp escaping him, before his hands come up to cover his face. you, joshua, and jeonghan exchange a concerned look, completely blindsided by seungcheol’s unexpected reaction, since he was as one of jeonghan and joshua’s loudest supporters (he had been betting on the two of them getting together since they were teenagers). but before either of you can say something else, seungcheol looks up, unshed tears swimming along his lash line.

“i’m sorry, i just…” he pauses, as if trying to find the right words. “i just can’t… believe… that neither of you told me! you traitors! you were planning to get engaged and i just find out at the same time as everyone else?” seungcheol pouts, his dramatics leaving the rest of you in tears.

“hey! what is that supposed to mean?” you tease, trying to calm your laughter down.

“no offense, baby, but me and the boys? we have history,” seungcheol winks, before turning back to his friends. “which means i should have priority to all life-changing news in your lives!”

the table falls into laughter once again, before jeonghan and joshua proceed to give you and seungcheol all the details he was claiming they had been keeping away from him. the rest of the evening goes like this, drinks and food shared around, and you almost forget about whatever problems your own relationship has been having, too busy reveling in the love radiating from the couple in front of you.

that night, on the drive home, you and seungcheol fall into comfortable silence, a first in the past weeks. you don’t know if it’s the buzz from the alcohol you drank, or the crooning voice of whatever singer was playing on the radio, but you can’t help but look over to seungcheol’s side, your eyes glancing over the side of his face. he was so handsome, cheeks blushed and hair messy from tonight’s laughter. you wanted to lean over and run the tips of your fingers over the edges of his face, pour everything you couldn’t say into just one touch. please forgive me, just trust me…

“what’s the staring for?” seungcheol speaks, and you whip your head around, looking out the window on your side.

“ah, i wasn’t staring!” you mumble, feeling your face grow hot. “was just thinking… about tonight.”

he smiles, briefly glancing your way. “me too,” he says, voice barely above a whisper.

a beat passes before seungcheol speaks up again. “when we get married, what would you want our wedding to be like?”

your heart swells when you realize he said ‘when’ instead of ‘if,’ but you can’t help but tease him a little bit. “‘when?’ i haven’t even said ‘yes’ yet, cheollie,” you smirk, turning your face towards him again.

evidently, seungcheol catches onto your little joke, but he plays into it. “emphasis on ‘yet’, baby. now answer the question!”

“okay, okay,” you chuckle. “well, i think i’d like something small… just our closest family and friends… maybe somewhere outside the city, like in the countryside, something like that,” you say decidedly, already daydreaming about all the possibilities.

“what about the beach? i think a beach wedding would be so cool… do you think your mom would let us have it at her beach house?” seungcheol says, an excited glimmer evident in his eyes.

he completely misses how your face falls at the mention of your mother, but you quickly mask it by nonchalantly agreeing with him. “i don’t see why not, she would probably love that…”

the rest of the drive goes by fast, the two of you bantering over silly wedding things like flowers, color palettes, and music selection (obviously), before you finally arrive home. inside, you both move lazily, drunk on love – or the leftover champagne in your systems – slowly undressing, stealing kisses, exchanging giggles and tantalizing looks… for the first time in weeks, you feel a sense of peace cover you, a quiet voice in the back of your mind assuring you that everything was going to be alright, and you embrace the feeling, falling into seungcheol as he whispers sweet nothings into your ears.

just as you’re about to fall into bed, your phone starts ringing from the floor of the bedroom, and at first you ignore it, too caught up in the feeling of seungcheol’s mouth against you, but the noise is insistent, and cheol detaches from you with a groan, urging you to see who’s bothering you in the middle of the night.

seungcheol can’t see the name on your screen, but when you tell him it’s your mom, he motions for you to take the call – she wouldn’t call this late unless there was an emergency, after all – but much to his surprise, you shuffle to find a shirt to put on, before you leave the room to take the call. from the bedroom, he can only hear muffled snippets of your conversation, and the tone of your voice is too ambiguous for him to guess how the talk is going.

when you come back, he doesn’t bring up the fact that you’d never gone to another room to take a call before. ever.

as soon as the clock on the wall reads 5 p.m., you bring the final interview you had scheduled for the day to an end, and as you say your goodbyes to the woman from the marketing department, wonwoo walks into the conference room, struggling to balance a stack of papers in his hands. you rush towards him, picking up part of the papers.

“woah, are these all the testimonies from your part of the staff?” you question, marveling at the size of the stack wonwoo brought in.

“yeah, crazy, isn’t it? i still can’t believe so many people came forward for this guy,” wonwoo replies, setting down his shoulder bag on the table. his shoulders seem tense, a whole day sitting at a desk clearly taking a toll on him.

“well, he’s clearly appreciated. everyone who i talked with only had good things to say about him,” you say nonchalantly, flicking through the papers, trying to pretend like you weren’t already aware of jihoon’s stellar reputation. each piece of paper seemed to be a reformulation of what the previous person mentioned, everybody mentioning similar qualities and compliments regarding him.

after you and wonwoo go over the information you both collected today, making a game plan for the next steps that needed to be taken, you both gather your things to finally go home for the day, exhaustion setting in. although the day hadn’t been particularly stressful, the possibility of bumping into seungcheol had caused you much more anxiety than usual, and you honestly couldn’t wait to get out of here and finally be able to breathe normally.

as you wait for the elevator – which seems to be taking its sweet time, moving in slow motion to the seventh floor – you hear wonwoo mumble under his breath, before he lets out an “oh, fucking hell.” ever the proper gentleman, he catches himself, and swiftly apologizes for his choice of words.

you chuckle, waving your hand to dismiss his unnecessary apology. “what’s wrong?”

“i’m missing some documents… i think i left them in the room i was in this morning, i’ll go after them. you go ahead and get going, i don’t want to hold you back any longer,” he explains, already turning around to head for the conference room.

“are you sure? i don’t mind wa–”

“i’m sure! go, you deserve to rest,” he shouts, disappearing around the corner of the hallway.

you sigh, shaking your head, but appreciating the gesture nevertheless. the elevator bell dings, and the doors open to reveal an empty cabin. you breathe out a sigh of relief, thankful for the silence. you press the button for the ground floor, and close your eyes, leaning against the back wall of the elevator, hoping to ease the sting that came from staring into a computer screen for a whole day.

your peace and quiet is short-lived however, as the elevator only manages to go down to the sixth floor before stopping again. you sigh, preparing yourself for the onslaught of tired employees who were most likely rushing to get home as well. however, when you open your eyes, there’s only one other pair staring into yours, and you feel all the air inside your lungs dissipating, leaving you breathless.

seungcheol is standing in front of you, wearing an equally speechless look on his face. the two of you stare at each other, almost as if you’re scared to move, in fear of disrupting the karmic force that brought this moment upon you even more. you wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole, feeling completely unprepared for this situation. you’d thought you were finally out of the woods, that you’d be able to go home in peace and not think about the case, about cheol, about anything anymore, at least for tonight.

clearly, the universe had other plans for you.

seungcheol seems to snap out of his daze when the doors of the elevator start to close again, his arm shooting out to stop them and finally stepping inside. as the doors close behind him and the elevator resumes its course downwards, you suddenly feel like the cabin is ten times smaller than it was a few moments ago, your body instinctively moving to one of the corners of the elevator. seungcheol naturally takes over the corner opposite from you, and you can feel his eyes on you with every step he takes.

you can’t fucking breathe, and you can’t believe he still has such a hold over your body.

“hi.”

“hi.”

you both say it at the same time, and under different circumstances, the two of you might’ve erupted in giggles at the coincidence. in this moment, however, the tension between you is so palpable, it’s almost constricting.

“how’s jihoon’s case going?” seungcheol asks, and you feel almost grateful for him taking the initiative to fill the silence.

“it’s good, yeah. we had a productive day, gathered a lot of info,” you say, clearing your throat. why were you being so goddamn awkward?

seungcheol nods, humming, silence filling the space once again. you dared to sneak a glance in his direction, noticing his furrowed brows and pursed mouth. four months could not erase everything you learned about cheol in four years, and you immediately recognized his ‘i’m trying to find the right words’ look. you sigh, knowing exactly what’s inevitably coming, so you decide to put seungcheol out of his misery.

“seungcheol,” you say, voice barely above a whisper. your eyes meet in the quiet of the elevator. “just ask me. just ask me what’s bothering you. at this point, should we even beat around the bush with each other anymore?”

seungcheol opens his mouth, then decides against it. he shakes his head, sighing, before looking back at you. “i’m not ready to let go yet,” he murmurs.

your voice trembles as you try to keep your tears at bay. “cheol… why are you doing this? i mean, why are you doing this to yourself?! things haven’t been working out between us for months, and i– i was terrible to you! you should let me go, why can’t you just… leave me alone?”

seungcheol’s eyes widen, an almost crazed glint appearing behind them. “leave– leave you alone? are you fucking kidding me?” his voice rises in volume, as he takes a few steps closer. “i can’t leave you alone, because i gave you four years of my fucking life, yeah? and in those years i learned all there is to know about you. unless everything you’ve ever told me was just an act, i’ve learned how to tell when you’re lying, and i’ve learned how to tell when you’re struggling, and you know what? you’re doing both right now!”

your hands start shaking, frustration bubbling inside your chest. “i don’t need you looking out for me, alright? i can take care of myself! and i’m fine, for your information!”

“bullshit! you’re not fine, and you know why? because for three years, everything was perfectly fine with us, and then all of a sudden last year, something happened, yeah? i don’t know what exactly, because you won’t fucking tell me, but something happened that made you squeamish around me, distant, paranoid, and– and careless! you stopped caring about me, about us!”

“i didn’t stop caring!”  you croaked, your throat raw from holding back your tears. seungcheol’s eyes softened slightly at the sight of your tears finally let loose on your cheeks. “i just… i…”

seungcheol closes the last of the distance between you, standing right in front of you now. “Y/N… baby… if you’re in some sort of trouble, please… just tell me. there’s nothing you could say that could scare me or drive me away. i know you can take care of yourself, but you don’t have to! please, just… no more lies, please…”

your eyes meet his, the sincerity and love swimming in them bringing even more tears to your eyes. you could just tell him right now, let everything that’s been weighing down on you for the past year spill out all at once… but you can’t. you would never forgive yourself to come in between seungcheol and his work, his dreams… your burdens couldn’t be his burdens. you just can’t allow it.

“cheol… i ca–”

“okay, i need you to take five steps away from her, or i will physically remove you, hyung. no matter that you are older and stronger than me,” comes a voice from your right. in your fight-induced stupor, neither you nor seungcheol had realized that the elevator had reached the ground floor, the doors opening to reveal one of your favorite people on earth.

thank god for boo seungkwan.

[janesociety]

how different marauders characters would act at a taylor swift concert w/ you ⭑

inspired by this post by the lovely @bealovesmarauders

(0.7k)

remus knows her discography by heart. he was originally a little insecure to sing the whole time, but he can’t help but sing along when you look so cute dancing and screaming the words to each song. he probably would’ve been the one to buy tickets after you came to terms with your chances of getting them being so slim, so when he surprised you with them you were over the moon. he would’ve gotten you two lower bowl seats so you would be really close but also able to see every single visual. he also would’ve offered to stand and wait in the merch line during the openers and before the concert started so you could have fun and watch them and have a cute t-shirt to take home.

james “swiftie” potter would be going absolutely feral. he would’ve gotten floor seats that were at least in the first ten rows so he could feel everything. he would’ve made a huge ordeal about surprising you with the tickets. i just know he would take you out to a fancy brunch before you guys got ready for the concert. he would probably want you two to go as miss americana and the heartbreak prince and people would definitely use your pictures as inspo for their shows. i also think he’d be the type to propose during lover or love story if you were at that point in the relationship. he would’ve been all cute about it too and told everyone around you so they could film and take pictures for you guys during the moment. he would also make a show of carrying you back to your car after the concert, even if your feet didn’t hurt that bad from the extremely uncomfortable shoes you inevitably would wear.

oh, sirius. i feel like he’s a total music snob and was really only going originally because you were so excited about it. but then he gets to the concert and he’s awestruck. he would’ve gone insane during the beat drop in don’t blame me but also prob would’ve teared up during my tears ricochet. he would’ve loved every moment of it and would immediately regret not learning all her songs before the concert. i think he’d be so obsessed that the minute he got home he would’ve gone online and bought you two more tickets for either the second night in your city or the next closest show. he’d also probably make you explain all the lore and stories behind everything on the way home. you just know that next time, he will be so prepared he will outshine every other swiftie boyfriend in the crowd. he’s also a rep girly.

lily is a swiftie through and through. there’s not doubt in my mind that she’s not an evermore and lover girly. she would’ve fought hard for those tickets and she would be so proud when she surprised you with them. you and her would spend so much time picking out the perfect themed outfits for the night and would definitely end up in a few of those “my fav outfits i saw at the era’s tour!” videos. she definitely has a note in her notes app where she keeps track of all the surprise songs and which ones she wants (she was heartbroken after dbatc and clean were taken in the same night, but she also knows that there’s not a single song that she’d be disappointed in getting). it honestly doesn’t matter where your seats are because no matter what you two will be having so much fun it won’t even matter in the end.

regulus, unlike sirius, actually prepared for the concert. he was definitely doing his research before hand. he was never a big taylor swift fan before, but when he saw your eyes light up when you told him you got tickets, he knew he had to be ready. he spent months listening to each album one by one, making playlists, attempting to learn words, and maybe even looking into the meaning behind the songs. he may get a little too caught up in connecting each song to one of her relationships and prob would wear and “i <3 T. S.” shirt to the concert. like james, he would’ve offered to carry you out of the arena, but unlike james, he would’ve listened to you saying no and would’ve been content simply holding your shoes in one hand and your hand in the other.

[humblequestvinyl]

penthouse

PENTHOUSE, EDDIE DIAZ X FEM!READER

APART OF THE 'ROLLING UP THE WELCOME MAT' SERIES

SUMMARY: y/n’s packing up the penthouse with eddie, reminiscing on the times they had together, both good and bad.

inspired by penthouse by kelsea ballerini

previous chapter | next chapter

lowercase intentional! wc: 1.1k 

warning: swearing, vvv much angst! divorce meeting/hearing, anger & a courthouse

a/n: i swear on 911 on abc i did not forget abt this series, i was just busy doing smth for taylor swifts eras tour. anyway enjoy <33

“BUCK I HAVE TO GO PACK UP THE HOUSE.”

y/n told buck softly, before quickly leaving his house, and getting into her jeep.

the entire ride was silent. no music, no singing, and all of LA’s traffic was quiet as all could be. the girl was left alone with her thoughts, thinking about how badly it would hurt to roll up the welcome mat they had picked out right after they had moved in.

december 16th. exactly two weeks after their wedding date, and four days after they had gotten back from their honeymoon. a penthouse with a backyard for chris, and maybe a few more kids down the road, outlooking the mountains.

a penthouse that was filled with so many birthdays, holidays, and endless fights between the two. a penthouse the diaz’s thought they could call their forever home.

guess that’s kind’ve hard to do when you’re playing house in a home that didn’t feel like one.

it took the girl exactly 12 minutes to get to her old home, seeing eddie’s car already sitting in the driveway, and she dreaded going in. having to be in the same room as him, having to try to hold a conversation with him for the first time in two months.

finally taking a deep breath in, she walked inside, seeing eddie already packing up the kitchen, leaving half of it for y/n to take.

“take it all.”y/n spoke up, causing the man’s head to snap towards her, with almost a glare of some sort, “i’ve got enough plates back in nashville.”

“i’m only here to take my clothing and whatever else is mine.”she told him, before walking towards their old bedroom, leaving him standing there silent, something that wasn’t new between the two.

grabbing a box that was leaning up against the wall, she walked into the closet, seeing all of her clothing scattered on the floor, just the way she had left it. the first thing that had caught her eye was the black jumper she had worn in 2019, with flashes of the night before running through her mind.

all of her old tour costumes, red carpet dresses she wore with eddie right by her side, and all of the clothing she would wear while they stayed up late at night, watching the bachelorette. all packed away into a box labeled ‘storage’.

the last thing that stood was her wedding dress. 

the gorgeous silk wedding dress she spent hours upon hours searching for with her mom, going to endless bridal appointments looking for, and spending way more money than she was willing to admit. 

all being packed away into a box, forcing her to act like nothing had happened.

packing up her office, her half of the bathroom, her half of the storage room they had in the penthouse. all of it being gone, trying to get rid of the memories associated with them. pain went through her chest, with tears building up knowing she was the reason they were packing up the boxes, and moving out of the penthouse she adored, but knowing she couldn’t stay there anymore.

family dinners, dancing in the living room with eddie to their favorite taylor swift song, endless family game nights (with buck joining them everytime) and the christmas parties they always hosted. all gone because she was blowing up the life they had together.

picking up her guitar case off of the floor of the closet, she walked out to the jeep, stuffing everything she could into the car before walking back inside, seeing eddie standing in front of their dining room table.

“what do you want to do with the table?”eddie spoke up, not daring to look at the girl in front of him, “you were the one who bought it, figured you’d want it.”

“keep it, sell it, donate it.”she suggested, before shrugging, “i don’t care eddie. do what you want with it.”

“you want nothing to do with anything in this household besides whatever was distinctly yours?”he questioned as she placed her old key on the counter, shaking her head slightly.

“too many bad memories associated with it.”

—-- 

(ONE WEEK LATER.)

“HE WANTS WHAT?!”

y/n gripped her steering wheel hard as she was stuck in standstill LA traffic (one thing she wouldn’t miss), trying to get to her divorce hearing.

“he wants alimony along with child support, or half of the house with child support.”y/n’s lawyer told her, and she could feel her anger boil over, “he didn’t pay for the fucking house!”

“like yes he contributed, but he sure as hell didn’t pay for it!”she exclaimed, and she could already tell her lawyer, maeve was cringing, knowing she was right, “i will gladly pay the child support, but i want visitation with chris.”

“that kid means more to me than anything. i’m not abandoning him.”y/n stayed firm, and she heard maeve hum on the other line of the phone, “what about the other half of it?”

y/n stayed silent, debating her options.

having an alimony hearing every other week, with press standing outside the courthouse every single time, causing the divorce to be even messier, or have him take half of the house that she wanted nothing to do with.

“let him take half of the house.”she finally spoke up after a few moments, feeling her knuckles turn white, “it's better than being stuck at alimony hearings every other week.”

“are you sure?”maeve asked, and y/n stayed silent, “i know how much you love that house.”

“give him the house.”she stated one last time, before they figured out the final details as she pulled into the parking lot of the courthouse, praying everything would go over smoothly.

something that rarely happened with the two.

as y/n walked in, the h/c girl saw her soon to be ex husband standing with his lawyer, waiting for the girls arrival so they could get it over with. when they walked in, the two sat across from each other, his brown eyes met her e/c ones.

he could tell she knew. she knew about him wanting the half of the house that she adored, one that she loved so much. one they had picked out together, and now they were ripping it apart like it was just a piece of paper.

you can’t win when you’re playing house, in a broken penthouse.

[unique-high]

Sunscreen | Mingi x Blk Fem Reader

a/n: wrote this for myself cause I'm a little sad and in my feelings. I discovered this lovely song on Spotify called sunscreen and fell in love with it. lyrics are worked into the fic. sorry for any mistakes.

With every break-up, it always seemed like it was your fault. Your recent breakup had been no different from the rest. You felt numb when it suddenly ended. You thought of every single thing that could make your ex look like a bad person in your eyes, but he wasn't a bad person at all.

But you needed him to be.

When people ask you why it ended, you'd shrug, saying, "I don't know." because you really didn't know.

One minute he was here talking about marriage and how he would cry when you walked down the aisle. And the next he's storming through your apartment collecting his things, shoving them into his duffle bag, saying how he couldn't do this anymore. All you could do was cry and beg him not to go. He still left.

Now it's 2 am. You're in your bathroom listening to Erykah Badu while drinking warm red wine from a paper cup. You stare at your hair clippers, turning them on and then cutting your hair. It was freeing in a way you always did this after every breakup. Making you feel less light, but that numbness will still linger for about two more weeks, maybe even months.

So you move through your life without ever really thinking of your ex until something suddenly reminds you of him all over again. Like how when you hear his favorite song that you two would sing while drunk late into the night or when you run into some of his friends and you try your hardest not to ask them how he is doing.

These days were always a little harder.

After when you thought it was okay to actually move on, you get dressed up. Put on your favorite red lipstick and your favorite perfume.

The singles mixer was at a karaoke bar. You signed your name getting a sticker that read: ‘Hello, I'm Y/n’.

You smooth the sticker on to your black Chanel blouse while you order a drink. There were some people already up on stage singing some Taylor Swift song that you heard one time at the grocery store. Cruel summer.

Once you had your drink, you sit back watching everyone as they talk. Remember, you came here to have fun, and meet someone new.

From across the room, you see a guy walk in. He's awkwardly smiling, greeting anyone who walks by him. He slaps on his sticker and you squint your eyes in the dimly lit karaoke room to see his name tag. But all you could make out was ‘Min’

He slid down beside you. You pretend not to notice him. He leans towards you spooking you.

“Y/n's a cute name.” He says with a smile.

With the brim of your glass to your lips, you mutter, “Thank you.”

You glanced at his name sticker. ‘Hello, I'm Mingi.’

The host of the mixer came around encouraging those who were just sitting to get up and have fun. Mingi holds a mic for you. You stare at it before shaking your head.

“I can't really sing.” You say.

“Karaoke is not about how good you can sing. It's about having fun. Sing with me, please?”

So you take the mic. Go up on stage with Mingi. The song Mingi picked was The Black Eyed Peas My Humps. Mingi sings and dances on stage. Everyone was cheering him on. He grabs your hand getting you to dance a little. You're hesitant to sing at first but you sing having fun, but when Mingi twerks, you burst into laughter midway through the song.

You just met the guy and you couldn't help but imagine yourself with him. And it felt nice.

I want someone to remind me to wear sunscreen. And take my vitamins when it slips my mind.

You could imagine Mingi peeking his head out of your bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth as he reminds you to not forget to put on sunscreen and to take your vitamins as you're rushing about the kitchen trying to grab your tea mug, keys, and bag so you could head the door.

I want someone who knows how I like my coffee and wants to share a bed from morning to night.

Then you couldn't help but imagine him in your kitchen early in the morning, with messy brown hair and shirtless. He would know how you liked your coffee in the mornings. It would take him a week to get it right and when he does, it's worth seeing your smile and telling him he tastes like heaven. Then Saturdays would be your favorite again. Mingi would want to sleep in with you on his days off. And on the days he comes to your place late after work, sharing your bed at night with you would become his favorite thing.

“I would like to get to know you more,” Mingi says as the two of you walk off the stage. At first, you didn't know what to say, too scared that if Mingi eventually knew the real you, he'll be gone too.

But I'm stubborn. Selfish. Easily Jealous at times.

It's hard being you. Now you start to see why things never worked out with anyone else. You were just being yourself. What's a relationship when you couldn't be your true self? So what if you're stubborn? You've been that way since you were five. Selfish. Because you're the eldest daughter who had to be a parent to your younger siblings when your mother didn't feel like being a mother. Being easily Jealous comes from the time in 11th grade when your ex-best friend was far prettier than you, and got all the boys. These things made you into who you were.

I'm hard to love and I just want someone to try.

Of course, you weren't the easiest person on earth to love. But you think that came from your father. You tried your best to make your love easy, to make it comfortable for others to want to lean into. It was the opposite, though. At the end of the day, all you wanted was someone who would try. That's all you ask for.

You let Mingi in a little that night at the mixer. What could it hurt? The worst that could happen is you're crying into your pillow a couple months from now because he breaks up with you.

Ending up in your bed naked by the end of the night with Mingi wasn't supposed to happen, but it did. You'll regret it in the morning when he sneaks out while you're still asleep. So right now, while he's sleeping, you stare at him, counting how many breaths he takes.

By morning, you're a little groggy. You didn't expect to be pulled into Mingi's naked body. He's still here.

I want someone who knows that I'm not made for mornings and doesn't scold me for smoking when I drink.

Mingi doesn't try to pull you out of bed with the talk of breakfast and getting your day started early. Mornings weren't meant for you. And he somehow knew that. By the afternoon, Mingi is still at your place. He's wearing a pair of your sweat pants that go above his ankles. You make lunch for the two of you. Sometimes you like having a smoke during this time of day with a drink. Mingi isn't bothered by it. He doesn't try to scold you telling you how bad for your health it is. He doesn't know you to tell you what's good or bad for you. You liked that, though.

I want someone who can ground me when I'm too high. Light up the dark side of my head.

There were days when you floated on the surface of your mind, not really here, you functioned like you were on autopilot most days. It's been two weeks now. You knew Mingi's last name and all his favorite things. He spends nights at your place on the weekends. He noticed you weren't being yourself, he'd stroke your back, speaking to you softly. Sometimes being in your head all the time makes you depressed. Because you would find your ex still lingering there. Mingi sits and listens to you talk about your ex.

"I want to hate him, Mingi. But my heart won't let me."

Mingi kissed the top of your head. He understood what you were going through he's been here before too.

"Sometimes it takes a while for our hearts to want to let go. It's normal. You just haven't had the time to grieve for the loss of your relationship with your person."

He knew it was going to take you some time to heal and he was willing to wait to for you.

I want someone to share my coffee and sunscreen. My mornings, my stories and my bed.

Two weeks with Mingi turned into two months. He moved into your apartment. His toothbrush had a permanent spot next to yours. You had someone to share coffee with in the evenings. Sharing your sunscreen with Mingi became a daily thing.

You told Mingi all your stories from like the time you were ten and your pet cat Frankie brought you a dead mice, and how you when turned thirteen and your mom forget your birthday and tried to make it up to you by giving you a hostess chocolate cupcake she got from the gas station.

And lazy Sundays cuddled up with Mingi felt nicer than anything in the world. You liked having someone to share your bed with again. Mingi got comfortable with you in a sense he knew you better than your ex had.

Mingi tried with you.

That's all you ever wanted from someone was to try.

[angelfairyqueenheart]

3:18am (BST) 14th december 2023

i met my ex for coffee today. the nice one, not the ones from school. it was good to see him. we were never really meant to be - but we work great as friends. he's kind. he sees with eyes and a mind that no one else i know does. he understands so deeply - and yearns to if he doesn't. he has piercing blue eyes and curly ginger hair that never really knows what it's doing. turns out we've been in the same city at uni for over a year now. his ears are pierced now. he has a cool green paisley sort of silk scarf. with that and his coat off he looks just the same as i knew him before though.

we broke up because my grandfather died. i didn't know how to deal with it. i already had bad mental health issues. it broke me a bit. a lot. once i went to this christian youth festival with my youth group and this kid a year younger than me said that i would undergo transformation, specifically like the art of kintsugi. you know, that japanese thing where they fix broken pots and stuff with liquid gold? my cracks and breaks would be sewn together with gold, they said. they didn't lie - i don't think.

i think the first evidence of that was when my grandad died. through my cracks and grief, a burning passion leaked through and made me stand up for myself for the first time. i realised the relationship wasn't right for me - it just immediately felt wrong, like a skin i had to shed or i'd have to live in it forever. mind you, i didn't deal with it right, i didn't have the wisdom or courage that i do now. not that i'm wise, or courageous. i changed my clothes too. my birthday rolled around and my now-partner gave me an amazon gift card so i bought the cheapest makeup i could find. i went thrifting and bought clothes that make me feel like a human being (and maybe a little bit cool).

that didn't help my mental health though - it didn't make it worse - but it didn't like, improve things. i was still a mess. i still drank at school for the next year and a half. i didn't trust anyone. i still don't trust anyone. i'd like to. my ex didn't see me much at all after we broke up. we met up for coffee after 5ish months... and then i ghosted him (again) (having just told him i'd be up for being friends). yeah not a great move morally. still keeps me up at night sometimes.

my partner didn't mind us meeting for coffee today (boyfriends sometimes do apparently). he didn't really show any opinion. he doesn't often, without me begging for it a bit. i ask the question 3 times for a response, you stare vacantly at me, fake an answer, i ask if you're sure. repeat. so yeah - i did miss my ex. i missed connection and a friend and things to talk about. he was always good to talk to. empathy levels off the charts. don't worry, i'm not gonna try and go back to him - i don't want to. i just need friends, and he's a good one. and my relationship isn't as bad as i make it sound lol but my boyfriend does know i'm not happy in it right now.

i did other things today too. i went pottery painting with the art society. one of the things i painted is for my sister. i hope she likes it. no idea if she will though. i got a sports bra from a charity shop (it's really comfy). i got a turtleneck from another charity shop (i've been really wanting one to wear under dresses [summer dresses can be for winter too]). and i got some uniqlo sports leggings from another reallllyyyy good charity shop. very good price (£6!!!!!! in 2023??? crazytown). i've been wanting to try and exercise a bit. for my brain more than for my body.

i should go to bed now. woke up at 10am this morning but now it's 3am. oh i did yoga too!! just felt like it. i have a creaky unused lil conker of a skeleton. she needed stretching wayyyy more than i realised. it was supposed to be relaxing meditation yoga but it make me a bit more stressed bc i couldn't stretch ffs. was fun anyway. it was for me. today was for me. it was taylor swifts birthday too today the swift society had a birthday party lol. it was fun. i made a terrible friendship bracelet with my own name on it. i won a prize. i was first on the kahoot for a bit. i'm not even that much of a swiftie. i think a girl flirted with me a tiny bit there? idk she probably didn't but i hope i'm right. i hope. i have hope right now. today was for me. night night.

[middleagerunblog]

XXX.

Had it all planned out.

Though I didn't eating perfectly through the holidays, I didn't do that badly if I am being fair with myself. I have emerged into the new year, entered week 4 of this training program, feeling great.

Thinking I had it all figured out, allowing myself some strategic carbs, pasta on Friday nights before Saturday morning long runs. Carby brunch after the Saturday long run or race. I could do this.

Doing some shopping with my wife midweek, drive by Waffle House, she says she could go for that again sometime soon. I say how about after my long run on Saturday? I joke maybe I can run here then you can meet me here for brunch. I check Google maps and see that this Waffle House is 7 miles from our house. Saturday long run is 7 miles. OK, we're doing this.

My kids get involved, they want in. My daughter especially is in on the plan. I make a 72-minute Taylor Swift playlist, perfect for a 7-mile run at a 10:15 easy pace.

I can't stress enough how good I am feeling, Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday. My runs are going great. I've emerged from the holidays inspired to eat well. Been watching running videos on YouTube and Instagram, really getting excited about more running. I should do more races. I should admit this is more of a thing in my life. I run. I am a runner.

But I haven't weighed myself in a while, tell myself I need to.

Weigh myself on Friday. 194.4. Ugh. OK, I can do this, it's probably still some holiday bloat. If I stay on it, I'm sure next week I'll be a few pounds down. Then there's no reason I can't lose a pound a week or so for the next month or so. Weight loss will be tough the last month or so of training. But I can still be in the mid-180s. No, I need to do this race sub-185 I tell myself. No, I feel great, don't worry about the scale I also tell myself.

My youngest son has a soccer game Friday at 6p. It's outdoors and it's chilly for Florida. I wear my jeans. They're a little tight, but not too bad. 36 waist, they should feel better. After we go out for pasta. Salad and breadsticks before the meal. I eat too many breadsticks. They aren't part of the strategic carbs plan, are they? I devour my plate of spaghetti and meatballs. The booth no longer feels comfortable in these jeans.

The 35-minute drive home is even less comfortable. I unbutton the top button on my jeans--a nod to my fatter days--there's no reason to be a martyr in uncomfortable pants. The way these 36 waist jeans feel shake my confidence in an attitude about not focusing on the scale and just feeling great. I need to lose weight and don't want to go to 38.

Get home, change to pajamas and feel better. My wife mentions a storms is blowing through Saturday morning. My run to Waffle House plan is looking like a bad one. Was planning on running at 9:15a, meeting family there at 10:30a. Now looks like 7a will be the best time to avoid the rain. I will need to wake up earlier and run earlier than I really want to on a Saturday. And stick close to home.

Wake up at 5:30a on Saturday, drink my morning coffee, still reeling about how terrible I felt after dinner in those jeans. I order 38 waist jeans from Gap online because I need jeans that fit for the next few months.

I go out for my 7-mile run shortly after 7a. It rains off and on. The Taylor Swift playlist was fun. Easy pace, 10:05 average, it's crazy how easy these easy pace runs feel. I hope I'm doing this right.

Go out to Waffle House with the family, eat my carby brunch, drink more coffee, feel great in elastic waist shorts. For a moment I stop worrying about my weight.

[declanfs]

December 13, 2023

Happy birthday, Taylor Swift!

Bebe. Boy. You have been sleeping so good lately, which means I’ve been sleeping so good. Celebrate celebrating!

I wish I could capture the tightness of your embrace. The way your arms wrap around my neck to pull your heart to my heart and glue your whole body sighs in response. The way I try to pull away just to reposition and get more comfortable and without waking at all, you just instinctually hug me closer. Its is pure joy to share these moments with you. Sometimes I do sneak away to fold laundry or program or whatever, but on days like this when you clearly need proximity, I stay. What an absolute privilege to be a source of comfort to another human, you can count on me.

Last night we heard some loud car stereo sounds and you asked “what was that?” And I said, just some car playing loud music. And you said “it’s okay, it’s just the racecar.” And this made me feel so sad in this moment because our across the street neighbors just moved and the racecar you were referring to no longer lives here we haven’t heard it for weeks. Before it moved, you would run to the window to watch the racecar drive off - a green dodge charger? It was so dang loud and obnoxious but it was something you loved and looked forward to seeing and hearing. It was a distraction sometimes when you were upset or needed help transitioning to the next thing. I felt sad because what other little things like this have we already lost or forgotten. I have such documentation anxiety and want to remember everything for myself and to tell you when you’re older, but it’s just impossible to remember it all. So I will find comfort in knowing I am remembering as much as I can and documenting when I can and all the other things were just lived and loved in the moment and that was their purpose all along.

The other day I told you “Declan, you need a haircut!” And like you were 5 or 10 or 25 years old you said “I just got a haircut!” I heard dada burst into laughter from the kitchen. You got a haircut like a month ago, so you’re not wrong, but because you’re such a wiggle worm, it was a bit patchy at first and is now noticeably mismatched in length in multiple places.

It’s just fun and funny to have conversations with you, you are definitely your own person with your own agenda and wishes and determination and I hope that I foster that. I hope I don’t try to tame you too much with my own agenda and wishes and determination. You couldn’t be a world shaker if you want to.

Oh and you love maps lately! We got this book from the library (10 min to bed little unicorn) and the inside cover is a big map and when we first got this book, we spent more time looking at the map than it took to read the story.

You point at and name all the things:

Lighthouse, bridges, spooky castle, where the giants live, unicorns, pirate ship, x marks the spot, sea dragon, volcano. And you ask who lives in the cave at least 3 times per viewing. The first time I asked you who lives there you said “I don’t know. Maybe…a raccoon” which I think is a great guess.

Oh, and it snowed! You got to try sledding for the first time and loved it. But didn’t last long since you refused to wear mittens and kept picking up chunks of snow/ice to eat.

[flirting-with-psychology]

Mercury: What’s your full name?

lol

Venus: What’s your first language?

English

Earth: Where’s your home?

Colorado

Mars: What’s your sexuality?

Straight, but maybe a little bi-curious

Jupiter: Do you have any siblings?

No

Saturn: Any pets?

Not currently, but I’ve had cats

Uranus: What’s your hobby?

DnD, shopping, costumes

Neptune: When’s your birthday?

November 26

Pluto: What time is it right now where you are?

4:47pm

Moon: What are you currently studying/hope to study?

I studied film production and psychology

Sun: Have you ever had alcohol?

Yes

Sirius: Have you ever failed a class?

No

Rigel: Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster?

Yes

Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country?

Yes

Arcturus: Have you cried out of something other than sadness?

Yes

Betelgeuse: What’s something you can never forget about?

All my crushed

Aldebaran: What’s something you care desperately about?

Love

Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone?

No

Bellatrix: Have you ever been forced to lie/keep a secret?

Yes, but I don’t like it

Alphard: Have you ever lost a friend?

Yes

Vega: What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t?

Gained weight

Centaurus: Favourite holiday?

Halloween

Orion: Favourite month?

Maybe August? Idk

Cassiopeia: Favourite book?

Harry Potter

Delphinus: Favourite study?

It changes

Hercules: Favourite instrument?

Clarinet

Gemini: Favourite song?

All Too Well by Taylor Swift

Pegasus: Favourite place to be?

Idk

Libra: Favourite colour?

Teal

Phoenix: Favourite thing to wear?

Dresses

Aries: Favourite movie?

Back to the Future

Cygnus: Favourite weather?

Sunny

Hydra: Favourite sound?

Music

Milky Way: Who’s your oldest friend?

I’m-significant

Andromeda: Do you consider yourself social?

Yeah, I like to be

Black Eye Galaxy: Do you believe in love at first sight?

No

Cartwheel Galaxy: When was your first kiss?

Freshman year of college

Cigar Galaxy: How’s your flirting skills?

Not great

Comet Galaxy: Have you ever had to leave a relationship because someone changed too much?

No

Pinwheel Galaxy: Would you date the last person you talked to?

No

Sombrero Galaxy: Do you have a crush right now?

Yes

Bode’s Galaxy: Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Don’t think so

Sunflower Galaxy: Would you date/make friends with someone out of pity?

Yeah probably

Tadpole Galaxy: Would you deny a relationship/friendship?

Yes

Whirlpool Galaxy: Have you ever cried over a breakup?

Yes

Comet: What’s your big dream?

I’m still figuring it out

Asteroid: What does your dream life look like?

Winning the lottery and going back to college

Meteor: What’s something you wish you could tell, but can’t?

Wish I could tell the guy from the film shoot that he’s cute

Nebula: If you could undo one thing in your life, what would it be?

Not sure

Shooting Star: If you could bring back one thing, what would it be?

My favorite restaurant

Pulsar: What do you hope to do in the next 10 years?

No idea

Supernova: What’s one thing you want to do before you die?

Get married

Quasar: If you could spend the rest of your life with only one person, who would it be?

Not sure

Wormhole: What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t?

Getting with an old crush who is engaged

Black Hole: What’s the last thing you want to see?

Someone I love

[manchestereyes]

there’s this rainbow halter dress that i REALLY REALLY want but it’s $75.....should i get it anyway?