#or maybe I should make a separate post for that

[hailruth]

Do you have any book recommendations for secular Jews? I feel really disconnected from my culture/racial identity/other Jews, but I’m not religious beyond cherishing the practices of our tradition, if that makes sense.

hmm.. i personally think that there can be no difference drawn between the culture, ethnicity, and religion of judaism. so, i don't see how a book about jewish culture could be written without reference to religion. i haven't read or encountered such books. but as a deeply religious person i haven't sought them out, so maybe others who see this can give suggestions. however, i'll try and provide some that might be what you're looking for (also quite a few of these are available on the internet archive)! i will be posting a more extensive reading list later on, so keep an eye out for that if you'd like. books marked with an asterisk are endorsed by the rabbinical council of america.

if you are completely disconnected, i can recommend these introductory books:

TORAH!!! (half-joking)

To Be a Jew: A Guide to Jewish Observance In Contemporary Life* by Rabbi Hayim Donin (my top recommendation)

Jewish Literacy: The Most Important Things to Know About the Jewish Religion, Its People, and Its History by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin (also crazy good)

Essential Judaism: A Complete Guide to Beliefs, Customs & Rituals by George Robinson (like 600 pages and textbook-like but this means that there are very thick sections on what could be described as the secular stuff)

Living a Jewish Life by Anita Diamant ("descriptive rather than prescriptive," quite liberal and a light read)

here's some stuff on specific religious subjects that may help you simply learn, whether or not you engage with the practices:

Waters of Eden: The Mystery of the Mikveh* by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan (a mikveh should be built before a synagogue in a community which has neither, so i think jews should learn about them even if they will never use one)

The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning* & The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage* by Rabbi Maurice Lamm

Shabbos: Tasting Eternity* by Rabbi Daniel Travis

i think folklore is super important for more jews to learn about as it often reflects the collective psychology of what we were going through at the time. it's why i think it should be read/understood alongside general jewish history. i'll probably devote a separate post to info on folklore later. food and diaspora all mixed in here too:

People Love Dead Jews by Dara Horn

A History of Judaism by Martin Goodman

The Story of the Jews: Finding the Words by Simon Schama

The Book of Jewish Food: An Odyssey from Samarkand to New York by Claudia Roden

Divination, Magic, and Healing: The Book of Jewish Folklore by Rabbi Ronald Isaacs

Miriam's Tambourine: Jewish Folktales from Around the World by Howard Schwartz

okay, i think i've given a good outline. i mostly read religious-specific books so my strictly historical/food-centered recs are sparse, i apologize. it's also been forever since i've read many of these so they may have issues i don't fully remember. check on the replies/reblogs for any info about that or general corrections. i hope these helped! if i misinterpreted your ask, you can always come back to my inbox.

[kinardsevan]

this love will take my everything

(aka the follow-up to maybe, someday, love) cw: hospitalization, helicopter crash, related injuries; word count: 2069 (not cross-posted to ao3...yet)

“Can I go up with you?” 

Tommy turns in his spot just outside his helicopter, and his eyes fall on that beautiful man. Recent time has been awful in his absence, and even though everything inside of him is telling him he should say no—that they’d gone their separate ways on purpose—the other half of him aches to be closer. 

“How’d you find me here,” he asks before turning back toward the inside of the helicopter, continuing to work through his pre-flight checklist. 

“Had a hunch,” Evan answers, his voice drawing closer with footsteps that suggest he’s crossing the space between them. “Knew you wouldn’t be at work, and your truck wasn’t in your driveway. No lights on. Besides…” He pauses, his voice much closer now, and standing close enough that Tommy can feel his body heat emanating. “Anytime you have a bad shift, you fly.” 

Tommy gulps as he finishes zipping up the first aid bag after checking and rechecking it’s contents. He leans out of the cockpit and Evan is standing so close that he immediately smells mahogany and teakwood with a lingering undercurrent of lavender. It stirs something in his chest and gut simultaneously; the scent that so easily drove him insane anytime he got near the other man, nevermind when they were actually in the shower together. 

This close together, he can see the individual lines of those watermelon-pink lips, the curve of the port wine stain below his eyebrow, and how it’s just the slightest bit darker than its counterpart above the eyebrow. He swallows again as he tugs the bag off the seat and Evan steps aside, allowing him access to the open storage compartment. Tommy shoves he bag in and puts the lid down, locking it in. 

“What’re you doing here, Buck,” he asks, his voice low, weary. He doesn’t have the energy for banter or excuses right now. Because E- Buck is right. He always flies after a bad shift, and the one he’d come off of earlier in the day seemed to be one of those where nothing could go right. Every call he went up for seemed to end in tragedy, and there were too many young people not having good outcomes for his heart to take when it was already so tough to face a world where Evan Buckley wasn’t in his bed at the end of the night. 

“I want to talk to you,” Evan tells him. He gestures towards the helicopter. “Which is why I asked if I could go up with you. Maybe I can finally cash in on those flying lessons.” 

A silent, humorless laugh slips out of Tommy’s mouth before he can stop it. There are so many things they seemed to have talked about doing before the break-up, that he never got around to doing. 

“Look, Buck-..” 

“First and foremost would be that you never call me that again,” Evan states, pointing an index finger at Tommy. “It just feels dirty.” 

Tommy lets out a sigh, staring at him for a long moment. Everything in him is telling him to say no. Being that close to the one person he’s single-handledly sure he’s never loved anyone more than in a cramped space where neither of them can escape feels like a terrible idea; it feels like the simplest way to destroy every ounce of resolve he has to maintain space and let the other man figure things out, move on long enough to realize that Tommy isn’t his endgame. 

And yet. 

He’s weak, and just a man, and…

“Okay.” 

Evan grins at him, and then he’s rushing around the helicopter to the passenger side, climbing into the seat and buckling in, pulling on the headset. Tommy moves slower, but he’s in the other seat fairly quickly still, making his final pre-flight checks before he starts the engine. 

“This is pilot Kinard in Robinson four zero six two four asking for checking clearance for take-off,” he calls out over the line. 

“Good afternoon, pilot. Can you please relay your coordinates? Tower over.” 

Tommy reads them back, and a moment later, they’ve cleared him. He starts to lift the chopper into the air, and then checks in a few times as they gain altitude before switching the line over so it’s just him and Evan in communication inside the helicopter. Plus, for all the things that could be said about the fact that he shouldn’t have let the other man into the chopper with him, he can’t exactly complain. Evan has always understood when he just needs time to be in the air; time to get out of his head. 

He doesn’t have a destination in mind as they move further into airspace. He keeps them at an even altitude, flying further inland over Los Angeles. Roughly twenty minutes pass before Evan finally speaks. 

“So I think you made a mistake,” Evan comments. “Actually, I think you’re an idiot, but that’s neither here nor there.” 

Tommy shoots a glance in his direction, raising his eyebrows at him. “Excuse me?” 

“Yeah,” Evan replies through the headset. “You ended things prematurely. A-and don’t get me wrong, I jumped the gun as I’m prone to do. But you got one taste of a real future with me and bolted like the concept of that future was absolutely impossible.” 

“Evan-..” 

“No, let me finish,” he states, turning more towards Tommy. The other man has no other option or recourse, given that he still has to focus on keeping them in the air. 

“As I was saying. You decided all of these things for the two of us without ever giving me a chance for input. You- you decided that we couldn’t have a future based on… on what? Past experiences with other people? Someone else’s statistical bullshit? What does any of that have to do with how I feel about you?” 

Tommy takes a deep, frustrated breath, glancing over at Evan again. 

“Look, you’re unsure of-..” 

“Okay, seriously? Stop,” Evan states, the lightness in his tone gone. Finally, Tommy thinks. The reality is sinking in. 

“I’m not a fucking child,” Evan growls at him. “Maybe I figured out I was bisexual a few months ago instead of years ago, but I know how it feels to fall in love with someone. A-and okay, maybe I should’ve considered my words more wisely that night, b-but the points were all still there.” 

“Really?” Tommy asks, looking over at him again, eyebrows raised. HIs tone is judgmental, challenging. “They were?” 

“Something else you have to complain about, about what I said,” Evan asks him in an accusatory tone. 

“Oh I don’t know, Evan. You asked me to move into your loft when I own my home,” Tommy tells him. “A house, with a two stall garage and three bedrooms. A car lift, and enough room to spar. Where was all of that going to go?” 

“S-so I jumped the gun!” Evan argues. “Sue me! I was excited, a-and-..” 

“And you were talking about my sexuality like I’m some kind of trailblazer for gay people,” Tommy counters. “You think I sound crazy for telling you that you’re still figuring things out when you were throwing moving in together, engagement and marriage at me ten seconds after telling me that our mutual ex was “transformative” for you.” He pauses for a second, as though the thought only occurs to him afterward. “Oh, at least until me.” 

“And I meant every damn word,” Evan tells him. “I didn’t tell you I wanted those things because I didn’t understand the concept of what I was asking, or because I need to go fuck other people to figure myself out, Tommy. I said the relationship was transformative because it was. A-Abby… Abby made me want to get my shit together and stop making reckless choices to sleep with anything that moved just to get some kind of validation.” 

Tommy’s expression softens just a little as he looks over at Evan, hears him explain his actions. Evan sinks back against the seat slightly, his own resolve folding under the honesty of everything he’s saying. 

“W-when I said until you, it didn’t have a damn thing to do with your gender or my sexuality,” he rasps. “It was because for the first time in my life, I realized that I didn’t want to wake up next to anyone else for the rest of my life. I didn’t- I didn’t-..” 

“You said you admired me,” Tommy tells him, although his tone is much softer. 

Evan nods, inhaling a shaky breath. “You’re right. I did; which is true, by the way. B-but, also be-because historically, saying I love you has not worked out for me very well,” he rasps. Tommy inhales a sharp breath, letting it out in stunted exhales. 

“And you don’t get to tell me that I don’t understand what it means to be in love with someone,” Evan rasps, his voice full of gravel and insistent as his eyelids burn red and brim with tears. “I picked you, and maybe- maybe I didn’t spell it out the right way. B-but the bones of it were there.” 

Tommy gulps, nods at Evan’s statement. He’s not wrong, and there’s a lot to be said in response to it, but doing it in the air when his attention is split doesn’t exactly feel like the right option. He glances around them through the window. They’ve made it out of LA County and into the mountains. He needs to find a place to set them down, or circle back, but that’s going to take another half an hour that he doesn’t really want to wait on. 

“Look, there’s more I want to say on all of this, but I need to get us on the ground,” Tommy states, starting to turn the helicopter. He reaches across the dash, flips the channel back over so there’s communication with air traffic, and asks for an open space to set them down. When he doesn’t get a response back, he sends calls back through again, only to receive silence once more. 

“Something wrong,” Evan asks, trying to keep his concern from being too obvious. 

Tommy glances across the dash, pushing a few buttons for the comms, but nothing changes. He huffs, resolves to just get them closer to home, but that’s when all hell breaks loose. 

Suddenly, the dash lights up across the board, flashing in all different shades and blaring different noises. Evan and Tommy both shoot up straight in their seats. 

“W-what’s happening,” Evan stammers, panic high in his tone now. “Tommy?” 

Tommy waves a hand at him dismissively, trying to go down the troubleshooting checklist in his head. Evan turns in his seat, digging for the manual and finding it behind Tommy’s seat after a moment. He pulls it out and flips over to the troubleshooting list. 

“Rotor blades?” He asks, looking over at Tommy, who shakes his head in response. “Throttle? Battery master switch?” 

Tommy looks over at him, forcing a long breath out of his lungs in a desperate attempt to calm himself. 

“Evan, honey, please. I’m already down to Oil pressure.” 

Evan looks over at him and then back down at the list, realizing that Tommy is far beyond what he even needs him to read based on his own knowledge of the helicopter. 

“Fuck!” Tommy yells over the comms. Evan looks over at him, sees the worry seeping into Tommy’s expression. 

“What?” 

Tommy gulps and looks over at him. “We’re losing altitude.” 

“W-what can I- h-how-..” 

“We need comms,” Tommy says. “The backup-..”

Evan reaches for it in the space between them and turns it on, switching through the channels until he finds the one they usually use while on-shift. 

“T-this is off-duty firefighter Evan Buckley-..” 

“And Pilot Kinard,” Tommy adds. Evan holds out the radio towards him, keeping the button down, hoping they’re being heard on the open line. “We’re somewhere over the county line between Cucamonga Peak and San Bernadino National Forest. We’re losing altitude.” He glances down at the dash quickly and reads off the coordinates. “B-best I can guess is… total engine failure.” 

Voices come back over the line, cutting over one another and trying to ask more questions that neither of them has time to answer. Tommy keeps looking back and forth out of the window, trying to figure out the best option for landing, but neither is good. On his side, they have mountains, and on Evan’s, they have the forest. Both could kill them, whether through fire or just the injuries alone, and he doesn’t love either. 

“We’re under three thousand feet,” he states, his voice tight as he reaches his right hand across the center console and squeezes Evan’s hand tightly. His jaw is tight as he looks over at him, the worry and panic clear in his eyes. “I w-…this isn’t-…” He lifts his hand to the back of Evan’s head, squeezing the back of his neck. “I love you too, Evan.” 

He lets go of him just as quickly and has both hands back on the cyclic, suddenly jerking the helicopter to one side. 

Seconds later, they’re on the ground. 

. . . 

Sal yawns as he walks towards Bobby, some ten feet away from where he’s just come out Tommy’s room. He’s hardly a fan of the older man, even after all the time that has passed, but somehow they’ve found a way to work together when they’ve been forced to work the same scenes. 

“Any change on the kid,” he asks, looking into the room. Inside the room, Eddie and Maddie are both at his bedside, talking quietly from what he can tell. 

Bobby shakes his head, looking across the small circular area toward Tommy’s room where Chimney has gone to take his turn. “What about Tommy?” 

Sal shrugs. “Still struggling to come off sedation. But he’s not seizing, so…” 

Bobby nods, turning and looking back into Buck’s room. Neither man made it out in one piece, but current circumstances certainly seem to be pointing more toward the younger man faring worse. From the intracranial pressure and brain bleeds they’ve been watching like a hawk, to the broken hip, all the internal bleeding, not to mention the myriad of stitches coating his body from head to toe. 

“They said they found them on the forest floor,” Bobby comments. “That it was a miracle neither one of them ended up impaled by tree branches.” 

Sal nods. He glances over at Bobby. “You think they would’ve survived if he’d taken the mountainside?” 

“I mean I’m no pilot,” Bobby responds, his voice tight. “But.” 

Across the room, the sound monitors starting to race emits, and several nurses shoot out of their chairs at the station, rushing into a room they quickly realize is Tommy’s. They both exchange a look and then rush across the semi-circle layout, only to bump into Chimney as he’s pushed from the room. 

“What happened,” Sal practically growls. 

Chimney only shakes his head as he looks at the taller man. 

“I was just talking to him,” he comments. “A- he-…” 

They all stand there, flooded with anxiety, trying to make out what’s happening around the nurses and doctors inside the room, until finally, the monitors go quiet due to someone turning the sound off. Slowly then, they start to dissipate, and the three of them watch with trepidation, until finally enough of them are out of the way or have left the room, and they can see Tommy. 

The ventilator is gone, replaced by an oxygen mask, and his eyes are open. 

“He’s awake.” 

[spam-monster]

REBLOGGING TO ADD MORE SHOWER THOUGHTS:

- That old lady is a legit tenant who refused to move out of the building when it was being converted into a theater and ended up making a deal where she could stay if she helped as an actor. She also proofreads their scripts because she's watched so much media that she can easily tell if anything is too obvious or cliche.

- The reason everyone there was big drawtectives fans is because Jancy (and Eugene and possibly Harper) tells stories about them all the time when visiting.

- If second police-lady-actor is really the sneaky banned lady in disguise maybe she's luring them into a trap? Where they'll be framed? And the season will be about proving their innocence?

- Everyone keeps worrying that something will happen to Eugene and I'm also worried because despite not having much screentime he's on the first two thumbnails and what if he gets kidnapped or something?

- I really hope hot pizza orc guy is romanceable because Rose gets a hot gf to herself York should have a hot bf to himself (Villainius is dating all of them and Gma gives me "I'm good with my platonic polycule" vibes)

- Okay only tangentially related but I have suspicion that Barrett will be voicing the slug costume guy seen in the end credits because of a thing from the live show last year (will post vid separately later) and that made me watch the "Disney Villains Voices" episode again and Clothespin Boy likes Amtrack. Ogalvy also likes trains. I want a crossover even more now. (I'd do the patron commission and get Karina to draw it but I'm kinda set on Seto Kaiba Broom Pose if I ever save up for that...)

Drawtectives S3 EP2 theories/stuffs:

okay 2gene fake which is kinda disappointing but lookit our little guy go!

JANCY DELIQUENT ERA REAL THO?! I need so much fanart.

Yeah that case seemed too easy - was expecting it to lead to bigger case tho, not be a whole fake (but butler guy was funny).

We get Harper name-dropping Jancy, so they've kept in touch and Harper knows Jancy is on good terms with these guys...thinking Harper comes here to do community service for her "crimes"

(also as I said on discord; Rose going all squee when her girl crush shows up even as Harper continues to be trash is peak. good for her.)

That Jane Coulson is sus tho

Current theory is that she impersonated the silent guard at some point and is Up To Something - but was she being her at the begining of the ep, the end, or the whole way through?

lots of animal motifs - rats and snakes, but also bugs and a guy named Bat and Night Owl Books

maybe rats and snakes opposing "gangs"/bands? Friendly rivalry turned deadly?

"utopia"/community oriented society invaded by greed and capitalism?

Orc guy at community outreach table interesting - nametag says "Bat", has rat tattoo, might be the Dan Stitch on the poster? (also has Dwarf bf?)

I need to see those poster assets, I wanna read them all

also there's a lot of hot people approaching (new parents for Eugene? new kids? new people to ship with each other?)

bookstorebookstorebookstore

ANIME ANIMATED ENDING YAS

...we don't even know the actual crime yet...just that there's been a mess at the art gallery...

(...small fake crimes all tying into one Big Crime?)

characters in credits: hot orc pizza guy, cute bookstore gal, slug costume man? (prediction: Garrett is slug man)

also i'm gonna be in Japan for the next ep and we're getting a guest star and aaaaaahhhhh hyper

uuuuuhhhhh tldr

Jancy deliquent, mystery sneaky banned actress, animal motifs, dragging son around to find new parents, art gallery?

[wolfsong-the-bloody-beast]

Literally the Roost and Lone Wolves situation.

[deimosatellite]

[mcnuggetclub]

the way henry looks at alex

[shapeofshifter]

i love being a digital god. give me my pixel fruit and my pixel goblet. i wish to sit upon my throne.png please

[front-facing-pokemon]

greetings, everygamer! it’s not often you see a text post from me with no asks attached to it, so what gives?

@front-facing-pokemon (this blog) is rapidly approaching its end! you may have noticed if you’re paying attention to the remaining pokémon in the pokédex, but we’ve only got like TEN DAYS before we reach the END of the pokédex and i have nothing left to post on this blog. yesterday, i queued up the FINAL pokémon in the national pokédex, and have thus RUN OUT of pokémon to queue up!

so what happens now? well, that’s up for you to decide! this is That One Post where you can drop all your suggestions as to what should happen to this blog once we reach the end of the national pokédex! i’ve already heard things such as redoing the whole pokédex but this time it’s shiny (top contender right now!), back-facing pokémon, and turning this into a poll blog, so those are already in the running! if you have any other ideas (that are pokémon-related, please—and if they stick to the theme of the blog [like shinydex], that’s even better)

once i get enough suggestions and filter through for the ones that i like or that are viable, i’ll make one final poll that will decide the fate of this blog. (personally, i think the shinydex is in the lead for me) until then, enjoy the remaining posts, and thanks for stickin' around for this bumpy ride!

and finally, because plenty of folks have asked, and i’ve kept it a secret for this long, i feel you all deserve to know!:

my main blog is @kinogassa. that’s breloom’s japanese name! subject to change, and i rarely use that blog to be QUITE honest with you. buuut, if enough of you still care, then maybe i will!

a lot of you who cared already managed to sniff it out back before i could comment on posts from sideblogs, so shoutouts to you guys! for everyone else, i hope it was worth the wait(?)

i think i’ve also gotten a few other suggestions like taking requests on specific angles or whatever but that changes the flow of the blog to being request-based as opposed to queue-based ’n i dunno how i feel about that

by the way, massive shoutouts to the pokémon models ripping project, without which this entire blog would not have been possible!

i can't think of anything else to say (for now), but i'll be more active and responsive in the coming days as we try to figure out where all of this is going. see you tomorrow for whatever comes next!

[cconfusedkat]

When you try to bump into your spouse cuz you cant find any other good excuse to see them during the day but your spouses spouse is doing the same thing so you both feel threatened by one another thus arguing

[touchlikethesun]

a few connected thoughts, both silly and unexpectedly serious at the same time, but honestly i can understand why people might be averse to shen jiu (known child abuser) being given a child, but personally imo i actually do think a child - specifically his own, ideally (but not necessarily) biologically - would (could… maybe possibly…) fix him. pls someone correct me if i'm wrong, but shen jiu is not actually outright abusive to any of his disciples except for luo binghe, and regardless it is deffo true that luo binghe is a special case. honestly i see the specific hatred for luo binghe in a kinda javert vs. valjean light, shen jiu hates luo binghe because luo binghe has come from a similar background as shen jiu, but seemingly despite that still has bounds of potential. shen jiu resents luo binghe because why should he rise above and succeed and thrive when shen jiu continues to suffer? i really really do not think shen jiu would feel this way about his own child, specifically because he would make sure that they don't suffer from the same setbacks he did. i still don't think he'd be a great parent, strictly speaking, but i don't think he'd be awful and abusive either, maybe just a bit strict and with high expectations. and i do think having a baby dependent on him would force him to chill the fuck out in a major way which can only be a good thing

[heartscrypt]

tumblr has no idea about the thoughts that have been plaguing me (jamiazu miraculous ladybug au)

[sluckythewizard]

'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'

[shunin-gumis]

Designs of Happiness - Track A14

L4mps Main Story Translation

Title: Imposed Blessings

Characters: Nagi

Summary: Nagi is working alone at his shop after abruptly leaving the Friday Film viewing. The protagonist chases after him, and he finally explains his unique predisposition.

Thank you aca @463ce6, jes @arcanecrayonn myun @/myuntachis and Niri for helping me with proofing!

Also a gentle request from me, please do listen to the chapter in-game alongside the translation if you don't do so already, the voice acting is very precious 🥺🥺

Location: Flower Laundry

Sonia: Nagi-shan, here ish all the flowers you can use! 

Nagi: …Oh no. This isn’t nearly enough.

Sonia: You came back all of a sudden from HAMA House, sho you have no right to complain! 

Nagi: Sorry. Please get whatever’s left in the storehouse too.

Sonia: Aye aye, Shir! Geez, I’ll bring back as much as I can!

*bell jingles*

Customer A: ‘Scuse me! Sorry for popping in last minute—

Nagi: Oh, that’s alright. What can I do for you?

Customer A: Just a quick question– Does the laundromat here accept IzuPay? 

Nagi: IzuPay… Ah, we don’t use that here yet. There were plans to add it as an option but it was delayed… Sorry about that.

Customer B: Darn… out of luck, huh. I guess it makes sense, not everyone would bother getting the ward’s special payment method.

Nagi: Other digital payment options are still available, and we accept cash too.

Customer A: Huh? Can’t believe there’s a laundromat that still takes cash… 

Customer A: I thought they’d all be gone with the ‘Valley of the Sky’ or somethin’. POTHARU! and all that. 

Customer B: Hey, don’t be rude… He’s standing right there, and that scene is long since over. Um, sorry about that. 

Nagi: …It’s fine. 

Nagi: (Right. I guess the film viewing would be over by now, too.)

Nagi: (...Why did I have to think about that now?)

Nagi: (I wouldn’t have lasted much longer in that situation… Just thinking about it gives me chills. I’m sorry I didn’t stick with Toi till the end, but I had no choice, I had to leave for everyone’s sake—)

Sonia: I’ve prepared the flowers for you!

Nagi: Thanks. —Let’s go, we need to leave right now.

??: Um, excuse me… 

Nagi: Oh, yes, welcome—

Momiji: Good evening… again.

Nagi: …… 

Momiji: Do you mind if we talk for a bit, Nagi-kun?

Momiji: …… 

Momiji: (I can’t believe he ran out of HAMA House during the viewing… I guess he must’ve hated it that much, huh…)

Momiji: (Maybe I was being too naive in thinking that he’d open up with enough time…) 

Nagi: …… 

Nagi: (I can’t believe she noticed I’d left… I might have messed this up worse than I’d thought. She must be annoyed with me…)

Nagi: (No, I shouldn’t jump to conclusions, maybe she’s just here to check up on me. I clearly suck at communicating with others, so that might have gotten her worried…)

Nagi: (Still, it doesn’t change the fact that I troubled the Chief… I’m worth less than a plant louse that preys on flowers. I mean, even plant lice are useful to ants, yet I’m…)

Nagi: (No one would want a Ward Mayor that’s worth less than a louse.)

Nagi: (I wanted to take responsibility and see this job through to the end, but…)

Momiji: …You see, Yodaka-san just informed me earlier. 

Nagi: Yes?

Momiji: That you haven’t slept at HAMA House even once, Nagi-kun.

Nagi: …… 

Nagi: (So he knew. He’s too sharp to slip past, huh.)

Momiji: …… 

Momiji: (Ah… He’s tensed up.)

Momiji: (I wonder if I should’ve approached it more delicately…)

Momiji: (I’d readily help him if he’d just let me know what he’s having trouble with, or if there’s something he’d like changed… But what if he says that he never wanted to be a Ward Mayor in the first place? Hrm… What should I say…)

Nagi: …… 

Nagi: (She looks really troubled… I feel guilty that she’s worried over someone like me.)

Nagi: (I should just explain everything, even if it makes me uneasy. I know it’s the right thing to do, but… If I really just blurt everything out, she’d probably think I’m some kind of weirdo.)

Nagi: (But if I keep quiet any longer, she might feel hurt instead. What should I do…)

Nagi: (...The cyclamen at the storefront just caught my eye… In flower language, they mean “resignation” and “words of parting”...)

Nagi: (And next to it are the anemone, meaning “abandonment,” and the calendula, “sorrow of parting.”)

Nagi: (I see… I get it now.)

Momiji: Um… 

Nagi: (I should… brace myself.) 

Nagi: …… 

Nagi: …If I don’t hand out flowers, it rebounds. 

Momiji: Huh?

Nagi: The other side of the Yajirobe*. 

Momiji: Uh?

Nagi: This is just a theory of mine.

Momiji: O-Okay… 

Nagi: I believe that, just like with human emotions, if a person experiences great fortune or misfortune, then they will eventually have to return to a neutral state.

Momiji: Uh huh...?

Nagi: In my case, the rebound is especially strong. If I experience any fortune, then misfortune is sure to follow soon after. 

Nagi: That’s what happened when I got caught in that bee trap before; I’m sure it’s because I’d won a set of tissue boxes the day before, at a raffle in the shopping district.

Nagi: This is my theory on the phenomenon I call “The Yajirobe of Fortune and Misfortune.”

Momiji: I-I see... It’s like when people say bad luck doesn’t last forever, or how something good is bound to follow after something bad… Is it like that?

Nagi: …Are you a genius? I feel embarrassed for making up a whole theory now. I’ll just use your explanation next time.

Momiji: No, no, I understood what you were trying to say with your Yajirobe theory.

Nagi: …To avoid having the Yajirobe go crazy, I need to avoid any situation that might make me happy, intentionally or not. 

Nagi: Even a single slice of cake is too much for me. That sort of kindness… is too much happiness for me to bear. 

Momiji: (So he’s saying the cake made him so happy that he had to avoid accepting it, and even ran out of the dorm just so he could avoid inviting misfortune…)

Nagi: But sometimes, no matter how careful I am, the happiness just piles up anyways.

Nagi: That’s when I bring these out.

Momiji: Flowers…?

Nagi: My special ability– Flower Power: Imposed Blessings*.

Momiji: …Um?

Nagi: By imbuing flowers with the energy from my accumulated happiness, I can impose the excess onto others. There's no limit to how many flowers can be handed out. The only debuff I have to suffer is embarrassment.

Momiji: (Oh…)

Momiji: (Is that why he was handing out flowers in the middle of the street the first time I met him…?)

Momiji: (Honestly, I’m not sure how much of this I’m supposed to believe… But at the very least, I can tell Nagi-kun is being serious about this.)

Momiji: I…see. So if you give away your flowers—

Nagi: The misfortune’s rebound gets weaker. 

Momiji: –The misfortune’s rebound gets weaker…… Right. 

Nagi: (As expected, she looks really confused.)

Momiji: Um, let’s see if I got this right– You felt that joining HAMA Tours, and living at HAMA House would—

Nagi: Accumulate a debt of happiness.

Momiji: Which is why you left.

Nagi: Yes. Something like–

Nagi: Something like working together, and living alongside others, just like a ‘family’... There’s no way to predict the amount of happiness I’d receive from just being there.

Momiji: (The amount of happiness…)

Nagi: Being surrounded by happiness like that… Holding hands, and shouting POTHARU together with everyone—

Nagi: It wouldn’t surprise me if an earthquake hit right after, and HAMA House ended up as a pile of rubble…! 

Momiji: …… 

Nagi: (She looks stunned. I guess that’s expected.)

Nagi: (It was just impossible for someone like me, who’s always avoided other people, to suddenly work with others and live alongside them.)

Nagi: (She probably thinks I’m a weirdo. It’s not something you can wrap your head around. It’s a natural reaction.)

Nagi: (I’ll just get myself fired right here and now, so I can return to my old lifestyle. A life with no big waves, just the mundane everyday.)

Momiji: I understand your situation now.

Nagi: …… 

Momiji: Can I have all your flowers, then? 

Nagi: …… 

Nagi: —Huh?

Momiji: You just have to reduce that, um, debt of happiness, by giving away your flowers, right?

Momiji: But it’s probably difficult for you to find people to give flowers to on a daily basis, huh?

Nagi: …Is that… where this conversation is supposed to go?

Momiji: I think so?

Momiji: Then um, maybe your costs increase because you have to give out more flowers?

Nagi: No, that’s not really a problem. I can get a good discount if I buy it in bulk, so… 

Momiji: I see. Then, it’s just a problem of who you can give your flowers to. Accosting strangers to give them flowers is probably taxing for you, and confusing for the other person too.

Momiji: But, since I know what’s going on, I can take as many flowers as you want to give away.

Nagi: I… I guess that makes sense. 

Nagi: Wouldn’t it be a bother to you…?

Momiji: Of course not. You can never have too many flowers! I mean, flowers give a feeling of a fresh beginning, you know? They’re always nice to have.

Nagi: …… 

Nagi: Here.

Momiji: Oh! A flower! Thank you very much. You popped that out like some kinda magician!

Nagi: …Flowers have always been a part of my life, before I’d even realized it. That’s why, it’s always there, right beside me, where I can reach for it whenever I want.

Momiji: Still, what a large flower! What’s it called?

Nagi: Peony.

Momiji: Aw, it’s so pretty! And it smells so good too!

Nagi: —......

Nagi: Next, this one.

Momiji: It has such a unique shape… What’s its name? 

Nagi: Serruria.

Momiji: It’s so peculiar and cute! I wonder what I should decorate with it… 

Nagi: Here.

Momiji: This is a crazy amount! It’s starting to look like a huge bouquet at this point!

Nagi: Here.

Momiji: Oh dear, the colors are clashing…!

Nagi: Here.

Momiji: I can’t see in front of me anymore…! *giggles* But—

Momiji: Thank you, Nagi-kun!

Nagi: I should be the one saying that.

Nagi: Thank you for taking on my happiness, Chief. 

Notes:

Yajirobe is a term used for Japanese balancing toys. The mechanism involves balancing the main body at a fulcrum and making sure it doesn’t tilt too far in either direction before it’s balanced again, swinging back like a pendulum.

The name of Nagi’s ‘special ability’ literally translates to “imposing happiness/good fortune onto others through giving away flowers” which is super long hence why it got changed. He’s the type to make up silly names anyways.

Flower Language:

Peony Bashfulness, Shyness

Serruria Yearning, Beautiful heart

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Masterlist

[cappybawa106]

Rivals 🎼🍎🦔

Close ups + Extras:

[fellamarsh]

another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.

see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).

instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!

so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.

now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.

but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?

and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.

now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!

but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??

Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)

(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)

But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).

And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long

[whatudottu]

How could you. HOW COULD YOU! You know EXACTLY how much time he spent Crafting himself to become the person he can at least begin to tolerate, begin to identify as himself, to proudly label as ISABEAU! You broke it, your his face, that stupid face that makes you so so SO CRABBING FURIOUS! SO VIOLENT! SO! UNRELENTINGLY! JEALOUS! And now you've Changed him, with your rage, with your anger; like the Universe Changed you. For the worse. Your bleeding Pincushion. You dig your fist into his nose. Blood on your hands.

*grinding my teeth* God god god I have become obsessed with Quin (to quote it, "I'm a mannequin without the man[ne]") and how on a scale of love to hate in the loopified party, Quin and Isabeau are worse together than Siffrin and Loop :P

Here's a post-quin fight where Isa is guaranteed to lose and guaranteed to get his nose broken, good thing if there's ever any sprite edits I wouldn't have to have two different Act 6 portrait sets :)